#and that the whole choosing death bit was not completely a metaphor

[unfinishedrambles-art]

on choosing to heal (and choosing not to) ft tattoos, scars, and some of my von karma family headcanons

[marvelandponder]

one amazing thing about the Owl House finale is that it finally contextualized for me one of the central metaphors of the show. Spoilers for the series finale Watching and Dreaming ahead.

we good? no one spoiling themselves? beauty

for a long time now, I thought we had a pretty standard coming-of-age metaphor dichotomized by the show's central antagonists. you've got your protestant witch hunter Belos who introduces a maturity and ugliness to Luz's narrative; he clearly represents a particular, restricting form of adulthood, and just when Belos becomes his most threatening, boom, enter the Collector, Luz's dangerously naïve inner child to ruin all her development on the Boiling Isles. Seems simple enough

what I didn't anticipate was just how specific and personal their roles in the story actually are to Luz once you have the full context from the series finale

look again

this story - this whole series - is about the grief that a neurodivergent kid experienced at a young age, introducing the cruelty of loss and adulthood before she was ready to handle it. and, how to reclaim a more whole understanding of herself as she rebuilds her life with people who get her

Belos is designed to infect the titan carcass like a disease. a cancer. it's super goddamn significant that the titan is King's dad (King, who became Luz's younger brother). they set up Belos not just to be another fascist kids' cartoon villain (although yeah, he do be doing some of that), but to specifically become a force that oppressed the weirdness from the one place that understood Luz. the Iles. the dad. And by the end of the story, Belos's goopy body-horror isn't just for show, he's just like the cancer or other terminal disease that took Luz's dad from her

he's the thing Luz hasn't processed in season 1 that comes in at the end like a warning. he's the threat that forces Luz to grapple with her own humanity, feeling somehow (often completely unjustifiably) harmful to those around her, through the grief she doesn't want to be a burden or the weirdness (neurodivergence) others don't understand. he's the force that says there is something wrong with you, Luz, give in to your grief, this is what you can't face. this is the lie you've been telling to those closest to you: that you're okay

then you have the Collector. (notable that he's a collector, and we see Luz's mom and dad had quite the collection of nerdy memorabilia)

the Collector is the child too young to understand death. Too young to understand consequences, or why their playmates don't feel like playing anymore with someone so weird and maybe a bit too involved in their own world. The Collector is Luz's inner child, that kid we see right before the "worst week ever" — the one who didn't and couldn't understand what was about to happen even as it was going down. unapologetically weird, a bit destructive and short-sighted, but wholly colourful, wholly themselves. that's why the Collector wants to live out Luz's adventures, but without all the depth. just the fun escapist fantasy

but don't think I forgot the internal conflict! :D

because Camila's role also gets an added depth too: Camila was framed at the outset of the series as someone who loved Luz, but wanted her to fit inside a box that she just didn't. later, Luz completely misconstrued her mom's breakdown when she learned that Luz chose to run away. as many people have pointed out by now, Luz misremembers the actual dialogue that Camila says: Camila only wanted her daughter safe, not to lose her. Luz meanwhile felt like she had to choose to destroy this part of herself, or give up her connection with her mom altogether

but we know now Camila actually deeply relates to Luz. she may not understand Luz's fascination with horrific things like on the boiling isles (very akin to a kid getting more grim hobbies in the wake of a death, like Luz's taxidermy), but she loves Luz for who she is. all of her. she never wanted Luz to change

Luz was the one framing the central conflict of the show as go back to her mom or stay in the boiling isles. Luz was the one who felt like she had to punish herself by rejecting the one place where she felt like herself. once Camila realizes what's been going on, and how deeply connected it is to the loss of Luz's dad, she knows Luz is trying to make a "very bad choice for herself." And she won't let that happen (what a great mom!!)

But Luz does have one real choice ahead of her

because of the inner child who once again has to confront death (this time, Luz's own), Luz is able to connect with a father figure, the titan, the one place she feels understood. in the form of a power-up that makes her into a fantasy witch straight out of the Good Witch Azura, the one place she got joy after that huge loss, the titan gives her the strength to face the cancer—a force draining everything good in her life from her and making her question she deserves it in the first place—but only if she can choose herself

and that means choosing happiness, choosing found family, choosing love and friendship and self-discovery in the place she feels most at home! every bond she's forged, everything she's worked for, it all comes down to choosing to face grief and move on in life with weirdos who stick together.

hoot hoot, that's some good metaphor

[i4oba]

cassiopeia — njm.

jaemin & fem!reader ✰ soulmate!au

genre: angst?

summary: fate has its own little games, but giving only twenty-four hours is by far the most cruel of them all. and you have to endure that in every life of yours.

warnings: mention’s of death, major character’s death, a few cuss words??, it’s a bit angsty and has some suggestive themes somewhere in the middle :) .. but ofc it was written in flowery language so it’s not that bad! also it’s not proofread, sorry :,( … although it was written like 2 and a half years ago.. eheh SORRY IM STUPIDD

word count: 5k

author’s note: i originally wrote this story in my native language, which made it harder to tell it in english as well.. english isn’t capable of capturing my metaphors!!!! i hate it here!!!!! i sound stupid in english!!!!!!!! >:(

and no matter how many times have you been staring at the night sky, even hundreds of stars weren’t able to show you the right directions. no matter how diligent you were on finding those constellations, recognizing them wasn’t enough to make you less lost in the vast world of ours. you could have done anything as you were lying down on the freshly mowed grass, looking at those stars, alligned even, which you two had always been mentioning over the time — the feeling of emptiness wouldn’t go away. as you focused on the stars and how bright they were glowing, your arms stretched out in hopes of being able to touch them: everything became even more painful. and as your fingers were dancing in the air, from one star to another, your eyes teared up and your mind was screaming only one thing: enough. it was all enough. since you hated this with your whole existence. and the cassiopeia was reminding you of this constantly;

you have never been able to decide whether remembering is worse or forgetting. you would have loved to experience both at least once, but fate gave you a different card. one, which you carefully choose from the big card house, telling you something: your curse is remembering. and as you hold that little card in your hands, glaring at the crimson coloured letters, you feel like screaming all of your bottled up anger out every time. you always feel like protesting against fate, you want to say and do otherwise but were you ever in a place to do so? you have never had the chance. thus you learnt how to bear with it, what else was there to do? getting into a fight with the fates who were so focused on directing your life, having an evil smile on their faces as they were slowly cutting the thread of that person’s life, who was the sole reason you could stay sane? would you have stolen those old and rusty scissors from their hands, putting a dot after their history of standing so tall, being placed higher in the invisible hierarchy between people and them? would you have given some more time to you two? would you have changed past, present and future?

all of it is just a wandering thought which crosses your mind frequently through your days as you live your boring life. you spend every day with planning out your dirty little revenge, and end it with the conclusion: you’re unable to do it. admitting it felt like losing a game against something you could not even see. and this uncertainity put you in a state of something close to insanity through every life you have lived as the time has passed.

through these lives, you have experienced so many things but the worst part was always those twenty-four hours, which was completed with more and more tears and pain as the centuries passed. in the first lifespan you were pretty much naive, hopeful and happy, that twenty-four hour only made you confused. you could not process what was happening. but later on, you figured it out, having to accept the misery that came with it. you could understand why all of this is such a big sacrifice. in your fourth life have you cried first and you can still feel the fingers wiping your hot tears away, the ice cold feeling of them leaving an unforgettable trace on your skin. to this day, you still vividly remember that moment and feeling how trying hard was never enough, and the bittersweet taste lingering in your mouth has slowly started to fade away. it has become meaningless. harsh and almost so cruel.

but you still didn’t know which one is worse: being the one who forgets or remembering everything so vividly.

jaemin will never be able to comprehend this. after all, he didn’t have to live those grey lives which was coordinated by the suffocating feeling of trying to reach solutions and having to give up. after all, he wasn’t the one who had to watch his loved one’s death over and over again and he wasn’t the one either who had to carry the weight of the pain this caused. since he got the card of forgetting, which was followed by one single thing since gambling with the ones from above is not that clear and easy as we all think it is.

and the price did not only made his life worse, it controlled yours as well.

the first time you have heard the definiton of a “soulmate”, you were halfway through your sixth life. back then, even saying the word felt so strange but as you said it out loud more and more, having the thought of it in your mind constantly, it made you realize something: you and jaemin are the best, exact example of those said soulmates. but inside a horrible cage you weren’t able to leave. it had the feeling of a really bad book which was written by a prestigious author who had a really evil side to their personality. you could even imagine his pen scratching the paper, completed with the blue ink which allegorically wrote the story of you two. a terrible fairy tale that people use to scare their children, saying that this is going to be their fate if they misbehave. and as one of them, you would have believed their words. you would have been terrified. you were in fact scared, that cannot be denied.

on top of that, you had to live in this story, through so many years. no matter how many times you were praying, down on your knees, waiting for it to reach its end, you did not get what you wanted. and you have always felt like it wasn’t fair. ruthlessness transcending through lives which your friends didn’t have to experience. you had hundreds of them but somehow they were lucky. you were counting down the hours, the minutes and even the seconds as if it was like a test, but they always failed. they were able to not get lost in the maze of fate that trapped you and jaemin inside. they were special, all of them.

or were you two the special ones?

you were completely sure about your answer: no. although the thought of being the “chosen ones” has crossed your mind before, as if you two were something like a transcendent, but as years passed, along with centuries and lives, you could only figure one thing: you will never be fully happy. happiness is relative anyway, something you can’t put your hands on, it’s everything around us and everything that’s not at the same time. it seems so far away from you at moments, but on other days it’s so close you could reach it easily but no one could really define what it really is. it’s different in everyone’s lives, the way it becomes the same with many different things, varying on the person. even the sound of the word was music to the ears even if they didn’t know what it is exactly. everyone gets to know it along their journey, their lifetime and they may be lucky to being able to put their fingers on it, they can feel it and they can drag it with themselves.

for you, happiness was the same as those twenty-four hours that guided you through your lives. that small amount of time that you were keen on finding as soon as possible, putting everything on the line. which meant everything and nothing at the same time. and the thought of this was always able to bring some light into your rather bitter life, where the shadows grew too huge, close to consume you completely.

just like in your present life. which, of course isn’t really that bad, it is one of the best ones, to be quite honest but the emptiness inside of you was quite like a dark hole. it made you hopeless even though you had a goal. one that was so dear to you, saint even, which you could have tried to explain to anyone, none of them would have understood it. everyone thought you’re crazy and that you need therapy. even if the last one was true, you knew you’re going to eventually find jaemin, may it be on a rainy day in a bus stop, in a diner’s silent corner or in the university you’re currently attending.

but no. none of these were correct. every time you went to these places, fate was trickier than you would have thought and this was well-known to you.

you had to face this in a newly opened museum which had the slogan, “only miracles are awaiting here”.

how true this was… a real miracle.

as you walked from rooms to the others, all alone, somehow all thoughts left your mind. as if it was the cure, the new atmosphere and the exhibition, as if running back into the past had an effect similar to a band aid. it could get its job done for a while but sooner or later, it would give up as well. just like every solution you had tried out in the past years. nothing was permanent and there was no guarantee.

while you were staring at those paintings, listening to other people’s excited conversations, all you could think of was the loneliness. shivers went down your spine, the consonants following the vowels, creating something so new and so negative. the word you hated the most. and the word that was the title of the oil painting in front of you, seemingly too perfect for the symbolic work of art. a bad feeling took over you. you paid one last look to the framed beauty, glaring at the darkness and the pitch black shadows. after that, you left the room. the heavy atmosphere and the pictures of nightmare.

that’s when you entered the smallest exhibition hall where only a piece of paper was shown. it was protected with thick glass, making you wonder why is it such a big deal. why would they keep an old, yellow paper where the words were probably blurred together in the exhibition? it is supposed to be in the archives anyway, or does it not? putting these thoughts aside, you took a few steps closer to the “artwork”, eyebrows raised as curiosty took over you.

“love letter from the eighteenth century” was written on the little description, so you bent down a little to take a better look and maybe figure out why it was so special. and staring at those two papers which turned brown in the past years, the big realisation hit you: it was your letter. you wrote it. becoming aware of this fact made you froze in an instant, only being able to read the text filled with beautifully written cursive over and over again. and then you looked up, only to meet with a pair of eyes through the glass.

the person you wrote the letter for.

looking at him with the barrier between you two, suddenly you didn’t know what to do. seeing his face, his beautiful smile, it felt like someone gave you some extra energy. before your brain could have reacted to all of this, your legs took the control, running to him. you hugged him, melting into his touch, trying to embrace his fragrance, hoping that it will linger a little longer in your nose and mind as well. you didn’t want to believe this. nor what was coming next, alongside with the reunion.

“sorry for being late” he whispered while he stroked your hair carefully, arms tight around you. as if the moment was going on forever, it made you forget about everything. it made you feel glad. your own little happiness has found you again. but it cannot stay so long.

“i could wait thousands of years for you, jaemin” you told him truthfully, eyes searching for his. you hugged him once again. you couldn’t get enough of his hugs. “there are so many things we have to discuss, i literally… don’t even know where to start” you intertwined your fingers and dragged him with you, him simply letting you do so. since he knew: you have been waiting for this moment to come for so long. this is why you were suffering for years on end. but before you could have leave the basement, he set a timer.

for twenty-four hours.

“and how was… basically everything so far?” you asked jaemin who was picking at the food in front of him, not having the courage to look at you.

“not that nice” he replied and you heard his voice being a little hesitant. “but hey, at least i don’t have to bear it anymore!” he tried to joke about the situation but your worried glance told him to stop. don’t do it. it’s not funny.

“i really have to apologize for not finding you soon enough.”

“no, please, don’t. you should never blame yourself” he reached out for your hands, stroking it with his thumbs carefully. “it’s not your fault. neither mine. it’s just a bad joke of those who think they are above us. we cannot do anything about that.”

“and neither against it…”

“look, y/n” jaemin cleared his throat before continuing. “in these rather short lives of mine, i figured out something. fate cannot be rewritten nor changed. everything’s going to happen like it was decided before. just imagine a big book that’s made by gods. our story is just one part of that great book which consists of other many tales, millions of them. we are too small and worthless to add to our story, we can’t complete it however we would love to. that’s their job to do. they are the only ones that are able to erase things and make something new out of them. they are everything we have and we are nothing more than a small piece of the big picture to them.”

“we’re only just marionettes which they can play with whenever they want to” you added mumbling quietly. jaemin was chewing on his lips while he nodded. eventhough admitting it hurts, your words meant the truth.

you two were only mere props in the endless play with the name of “the cycle of life”.

“but hey, no need to be sad!” he wiped the tears aways as soon as he spotted one crossing your face in a fast pace. “we should enjoy this day so we could annoy the gods! are you in?” he stood up, grabbing your hands carefully. and you gave in. what else would you have done? after all, you were the one stressing endlessly through your whole life, it would have been a pity to miss the chance;

on the passenger seat of jaemin’s really old toyota, so many things were running in your mind. as you were focusing on the picturesque landscape, too many thoughts were attacking you suddenly — were you even able to sort those out in the dusty storage of your mind? only the warm touch of jaemin’s hand, feeling too hot on your legs, made you go back and forth between one thing and being sane.

and as if he read your mind, he gave voice to it.

“there’s no such thing as impossible, knowing and feeling how love transcends time and space, it’s...”

your head jerked up upon hearing his words. you wanted to solve your dear lover’s expression. the way the last words fall out of his lips and how those said lips were slightly smiling while his eyes were searching for yours. everything felt so surreal. you were weak and small but the thing between you was able to make you believe the opposite: you are the strongest of them all.

which, being completely serious, is true. since enduring all those lives is something only the strongest people can do. only they are able to watch the person they were assigned to, slowly fading away between their fingers;

reaching the local park, this was all you could think about. the memories you have made with jaemin only became sharper and even him being there with you, weren’t able to heal your scars. he held your hand, smiled and told you multiple times: he loves you. everytime he repeated those three words, the slight worry always became more and more visible. no matter how strongly you were holding onto the boy, it has became more clear: you’re going to lose him either way.

but that’s the thing you should think about the least. you need to focus on enjoying every moment. the fact that you can sit comfortably on the checkered blanket with him, spending a whole day together. the fact that you can have a picnic, you can talk for hours on end, your love is not unrequited anymore. you could have hide it but the years made you sometimes too unamused.

“why aren’t we ending this already?” you asked mindlessly, and as soon as you put a grape in your mouth, you regretted your words as jaemin’s face slowly became serious.

“please, don’t say things like this, okay? enjoy this day to its fullest. i want to love you until i go crazy. at least through this damn day.”

“i’ve loved you through this whole lifetime” you told him, fighting the urge to cry. “you have no idea how hard it is to think about it every god damn day. if people think you’re insane and let you rot in your own, personal pit. you don’t know how much it hurts to get in your bed, knowing that you have to go through your lover’s… your soulmate’s death someday. the one’s death that you love the most in the whole universe.” your voice was filled with uncontrollable emotions — regret rushed over you seeing him, teary eyed and confused.

“maybe. but dying isn’t that nice either.” his reply was bitter and his intention was clear: he wanted to leave you and calm down a bit. but you didn’t let him. you reached out for his hand and pulled him closer to yourself. he stared into your eyes but you didn’t say a word. that’s why he broke the silence. “all day, all i can focus on is that we can’t have a family. i can’t have a kid and i can’t grow old with you. i cannot love you utterly and completely for a whole lifetime. they took everything from us, that’s true… but let’s do something against that. please.”

“what could we do, jaemin? even if i shout at the sky above us, nothing will change! i’ve had enough and i just…”

before you could have finished your sentence, a big dog that was previously running around in the park, came to you two, sniffing your basket and deciding on being your company. your little argue was cut off by a golden retriever who was looking at you and jaemin, big eyes filled with curiosity. and you got a kiss from the dog too!

“isn’t this what other people call… little doze of happiness?” you said quietly, peeking at jaemin while petting the dog, looking at his collar, searching for a name. “buddy! what a cute name!”

“you see, y/n? that’s what i want. rendezvous, petting dogs, joy and sunshine. why can’t we get this?”

why?

what you have learnt from your experiences is one single thing: time is money and it won’t wait. as if the hours were passing by much faster in those twenty-four hours, one can be gone in a blink of an eye. you despised this, you have always hated that it had to be like this way, that you couldn’t stop time or travel to a whole another universe, waking up in a world where you can have a happy life with your dear lover.

the night came by so quickly you didn’t even realize its presence at first. the hours were going so fast, you couldn’t process the speed of it. you could only avert your attention from it as much as you were possibly able to. and in that moment, laying in the grass and gazing at the stars, it felt like as if you wasted every precious minute. but it felt so nice, eyes focused on the starry night, stars glowing shinier than one another, hands intertwined and fingers pointing at the sky. you gave the stars names and were adamant on finding more and more constellations. stargazing was what you two loved the most.

and then you saw the cassiopeia. the one thing that could remind you of the endless loop you and jaemin were in. spotting the constellation, you stood up in the grass and looked at your lover. his moonlit figure was equivalent to the most beautiful artwork in the whole universe. you were disgustingly in love with him. and that came with pain. so much pain.

“shouldn’t we go inside?” you asked suddenly, playing with your fingers while trying to avoid his gaze.

“you want to go in, love?”

you could only nod as an answer but he did what you wanted, without asking any further questions. he wanted to make you happy, more than anything. he wanted to see an honest smile on your face which can warm his heart up. since not only you were in a panic, he was too. but he preferred to not show it.

eventhough he was a master of everything else. and he showed it to you that night.

such heavenly words left his lips, he could have made a whole essay out of it, filled with emotions he wanted to show you on that short night that was given by fate; love, care and gratitude came out of his actions as he was talking to you, the way he handled everything. the way he mumbled in your ears without stop, the magical word “love” being repeated over and over, the way he touched you, the way he kissed you and the way he hugged you. he perfectly knew everything about you, he knew about your soft spots, he knew every inch of your body and he was so eager to discover it all over again since he can never get enough of you. he loved to trace his fingers over your figure, losing control here and there with those touches, reaching places that were the most precious to him. he loved to see how you reacted, how you said his name after every, sweet kiss of his, the way your voice was so shaky with every passing minute. as if he was playing a game with you, but that wasn’t the case. he showed you his true colours and you did the same. you were an open book in front of him, waiting for a sign from him. a small stroke of a brush which indicates that he was there. the marks blooming in thousands of colours, blue and purple, looking like the galaxy from above. you were like canvas to him, his signature on the corner of the painting, as if he was the painter. the artist. which was true, after all.

and as you were holding those stars in your hands, previously seen on the sky, you felt like you entered heaven. it had a feeling of warmth, the way those bright stars were in your hands, put there by jaemin. you could finally have it and you never wanted to let go of it. you could see that kind of reflection in your dear lover’s eyes, mirroring the honest feelings, the loyalty that connected you two. it was able to warm your heart up before crushing it. breaking it into millions of pieces.

that’s how it was with him. although it should have been much different.

and the brightest stars of them all, was brought the closest to you. you held it tightly and you were so stubborn on never letting it go. you closed your eyes and all you could focus on was jaemin’s quiet murmurs next to you.

dreams took you by surprise, although you wanted to avoid sleeping. but now, somehow you didn’t care about anything anymore. you gave in and entered dreamland together. close to each other — the closest ever.

at least during the night, you could pretend to be normal people. at least for a night.

waking up, the first thing that came to mind was checking up on the remaining time but as your eyes met jaemin and how peacefully he slept, time seemed to stop for a while. for a few moments, you could only study his face, the way he seemed so relaxed and comfortable. you watched his chest moving with every breath he took. you would have loved to give him a sweet little kiss but you didn’t have the heart to wake him up. eventhough you were aware of the fact: minutes are passing by in a hurry and every blink was equal to the end of your happiness.

“since when are you looking this attentively, love?” he asked in a sleepy voice before he opened his eyes. the corner of his lips went up a little as he felt your touch on his face. plus the small peck you greeted him with made the day a hundred times better. “i won’t lie if i say that you are the best thing the universe has ever created” his mumble was almost inaudible but you could still hear caring ringig in his speech.

for a long time, this was the first morning when waking up, you could hear the birds’ music so clear. the soft kind of song which mixed with the early rays of the sun, them not being able to fully warm up the room. everything felt so idillic, like it was a fairy tale. and if it hadn’t got such depressing ending, you would have agreed it was one.

“how did you say two lives before?” jaemin smiled and squeezed your hands, looking up and down on your face. “even the sun rose up today so it can follow the last few hours of our sorrowful tragicomedy?”

“how can you remember so perfectly? i mean… i am the one who should never forget, isn’t that true?” you shook your head, your grip on his hands tightening.

“looking at you calls out the hidden memories buried in the depths of my mind, you know.”

the rest of the day was dedicated to trying to enjoy it as much as you could, even if there wasn’t that much time in your hands. you had a long walk, holding each other’s hand, you ate delicious foods and tried everything that’s considered as the “perfect date”, corny things you have only seen in romance movies. it felt like the most treasured possession you had — time. after every kiss you gave to jaemin, you tried to remind him how thankful you were, stressing out the word “treasure”, letting him analyze the word as well. letting him repeat is and define whether it’s worth everything or nothing. whether it’s equal to love or not.

in the last hour of your time that was given, you two went back to your family’s house and its large backyard. no one was home so it made it much easier to sit on the ground and look at the sky once again, following the clouds’ slow pace.

“my current mother told me once that love takes something with itself every time…” jaemin said suddenly, out of nowhere, attentively looking at one certain cloud which he identified as a ‘dog’, based on its shape.

“what do you mean by that?”

“this is what love takes from us.” he mumbled, not really sure of his words. maybe he’s saying dumb stuff and his theory isn’t actually right.

“your current mother is right, i fear” only a sigh escaped your lips but you still continued, eyes fixed on the sky. “we have to pay for being together. but why is the price so high?”

you didn’t get any answers to your question, only a hum. you knew this is what’s going to happen, you didn’t wait for anything else. after all, jaemin barely knew anything about the world, maybe half of your knowledge was there for him, perhaps even less than that. if you couldn’t find the answer, why would he suddenly get the idea? you had centuries to think about it and he always forgot everything. maybe he was the one who won. in your eyes, it seemed like that.

as time passed and the sun started to set, you felt it coming. the last kiss was shared twenty minutes ago, too weak already. but his hand… you did not let go of that. you weren’t ready to lose him. you believed you would give him strength, that you can spare his life. but no, it was not the case. as you embraced him, all you could focus on was his heavy breathing and the way he told you nonchalantly: “i don’t want to die, it hurts”. tears were falling down on his face which was so pale and full of misery. his voice lost its colour slowly and everything felt like the worst nightmare one could think of.

“y/n, i… it hurts…”

his hands were weak and cold. you stroked his face, barely touching him because of the fear: you might cause more pain. you ran your fingers through his hair and found his gaze. yours was fixed on his iris, trying to look for the solution in there — it might be hidden. the last little piece of the final formula. but you couldn’t find it. you’ve never been able to.

the last sentence you heard from him in the current lifetime of yours consisted of three words. three simple yet so heartwarming words, barely escaping his lips.

“i love you.”

and you had to witness the agony of death once again, it was the price for the day. for your everything.

everything started all over again. greyness and gloom took over your life as the last little source of light faded away slowly, vanishing completely. and before you could have thought it’s going to be different this time, you knew it’s not true.

since that’s not what the book of fate had carved into its chapters. you two were destined for something else.

“i love you too, jaemin.”

[degloved]

the main "criticism" (term used loosely) of saw x by and large seems to be not the cruelty of the traps themselves, but the utterly inadequate time given to complete them. cruelty does sort of come with the territory & debating the "right" dose for a saw movie is an exercise in futility, yet the almost laughably and woefully meager three minutes on the clock seem to be something of a hang-up to most people. "how were they meant to beat these traps?" "shouldn't john have given them a chance?" "valentina came so close, she did everything, it's not fair" which, while seemingly reasonable questions, all find their answer in one small fact: john kramer has an insatiable hunger for revenge. this is a character flaw that he himself cannot abide by, that he finds… distasteful. the jigsaw dogma is a metaphorical wool that he pulls over his own eyes, it's a distraction from the truth, it's his copium. the man invented a pseudo-religion to justify his crimes, which is… well, haven't men been inventing religions for this express purpose since the dawn of time? it's only in line with the trend.

point being, his gracious gift of a whole three minutes to saw one's leg off and extract bone marrow, to saw one's skull open and pick out brain matter, to break one's bones while being cooked alive by a radiation machine—it's… for his benefit more than anyone else's. deep down, he's never expected them to beat their tests. he never expects anyone to do so (but if they do, it's whatever at that point—because at the very least they've suffered.) though that's a tough pill to swallow, and he chooses not to. time and time again, he chooses not to. when he sat on that bench in that park, enjoying a lovely day out while fantasizing about a petty thief getting his fingers broken one by one & getting his eyes sucked out, he revealed everything. he revealed how much of a farce rehabilitation is, he revealed how much he'd rather see a person killed horribly than anything else. he revealed that he too likes how brutality feels.

he'd have us think the victims are picked somewhat at random, that he's simply being a good samaritan giving any old lowlife nobody a "new chance at life." he's not! cecil caused the death of gideon. amanda was one of the reasons cecil did what he did (and btw do not for a second think that hoffman was going to tell john something he didn't already know. amanda died for nothing in iii, because why else would have john targeted her in the first place?), easton and his buddies fucked john over insurance-wise, bobby offended john's sensibilities, kerry was too deep in the case, lawrence was a bit of a dick to him at the hospital... so on and forth. every last one of them a target of john's revenge fantasies, even if they did arrive wrapped up in layers of delusion and grandeur.

he still loved amanda though. and make no mistake abt that

[nepentheisms]

Volume 13 - Elendira's number, let's gooooo!

So I was pondering the significance of Livio's big throwdown fight being against Elendira, and it hit me once I looked at it in terms of their abilities: Elendira's weapon is nails; Livio's power is regeneration. This is the Crucifixion battling against the Resurrection - a very Christian metaphor being used to illustrate the conflict of ideas between Knives and Vash. Elendira acts to help carry out Knives' condemnation of humanity; she brings death and visions of death in the wake of Knives' crusade to punish those he sees as sinners. Livio, in contrast, is aligned with Vash's mission to save humanity; he's an agent for Vash's message of redemption and life persevering.

To delve into Christian soteriology for a bit, the significance of the crucifixion in the New Testament is that it is the act of Jesus taking on the punishment for all of humanity's sins. "The wages of sin is death," as Romans 6:23 says, so Jesus dies, but then Jesus rises again to complete the path to humanity's reconciliation with God. The idea is that in becoming followers of Christ, Christians spiritually share in the experience of crucifixion, death, and resurrection with Jesus. To love Jesus is to be changed as though one were raised from the dead. The passage below from Paul's letter to the Romans is an example of that perspective.

Romans 6:4-6 (NRSV):

(4) Therefore we were buried with him by baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, so we also might walk in newness of life. (5) For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. (6) We know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be destroyed, so we might no longer be enslaved to sin.

It's very appropriate that Paul's words get brought up here, because I think Livio can be seen as something of a Paul figure. He's a powerful member of a religious order that opposes the followers of the Christ figure, he plays a big role in the death of a "disciple," and he undergoes an intense experience that changes him into one of the most devoted followers of the Christ figure. And the stuff Paul wrote about being crucified with Christ? Livio sure went through a crucifixion alright.

With all that said, when we bring Razlo into the equation, things get really interesting and a bit subversive when viewed through the lens of Paul's teachings in the Christian Bible. In stories that are more straightforwardly Christian in their messaging, a character like Razlo - a personality who acts as someone's darker half- would typically be treated as a force of evil to be overcome. This represents how the pre-salvation self is supposed to die so that a more Christ-like nature can take its place.

In Livio's case, however, Razlo is not extinguished after Livio chooses to live by Wolfwood's and Vash's example. Instead of being framed as the more sinful aspect of Livio that needed to be purified out of him, Razlo is portrayed as a powerful asset in preserving Livio's life, and that's something that really resonated with me - the way that Livio didn't need to erase his darker half but instead learned to work in harmony with it. In doing so, he found wholeness.

[ourstaturestouchtheskies]

Charlotte's Art History Tarot - Card 13 - Death

Art: In Ictu Oculi – Juan de Valdés Leal

pull this card

card 13! death! let's talk about it! despite the name of this card literally being "death" and the fact that the art usually includes a menacing skeleton either wielding a scythe or riding a spooky horse, this card is not really about literal death. instead, the death card is more about what the idea of death represents: complete and total transformation. again, despite the rather morbid connotations and imagery, I've always found the death card to be a rather hopeful one. it promises new beginnings and the chance for reinvention. just as literal death marks a complete shift from one state to another, so does the death card suggest a more metaphorical type of death in the form of change or transformation into the next version of yourself. really, death is less about endings and more about new beginnings. perhaps unsurprisingly - given my interest in all things macabre - the death card has always been one of my favorites. as I mentioned above, the traditional imagery depicts a skeleton, usually with a scythe, and I've chosen a painting that conforms to that basic imagery. I had the hardest time deciding which skeleton painting to use, because there's just so many good ones, but the fact that this guy was just casually holding a whole casket under his arm really amused me, so I had to pick this one. he holds a scythe, as in the traditional card art, and looks toward the viewer as if reminding them of their mortality. his face is a bit spooky, but the way he's holding the coffin, the scythe, and extinguishing a candle with the other hand is so funny to me because it just feels like he had a lot of stuff to carry in and refused to take two trips, insisting he could get it all in one. regardless of my own questionably analytic takes, the skeleton in this image is surrounded by all the classic moments mori motifs found in vanitas art, which I explain much more fully in a post here, if you're interested. I guess in a way, choosing an image for the death card that has a little bit of humor to it is a good way of thinking about the meaning of the death card: it's not all certain doom, but rather a chance to transform yourself and your world, even if you insist that you can carry all your stuff with you in just one trip 😜

[pinkumiilku]

I keep saying this, but as (at times) inconsistent One Piece has been through the years, Sanji remains the best written character in the series.

Looking back, his every bit of mannerism was already telling us everything we needed to know, and I’m still so proud to have foreshadowed his mental state years before his story was revealed.

I’ll write a more in depth analysis eventually, but starting from the Baratie Restaurant, we learn of this introverted, “cool” chain smoker, who wears a suit and accepts no disrespect towards food, or his adoptive father.

He speaks in a very hushed tone, and seems to put up this image for every bit of his personality and appearance. A carefully crafted exterior, which occasionally breaks when he shows excitement talking about his dream of “All Blue”. It’s as though he made the conscious choice to censor as much of himself as possible, convincing himself that the few characteristics he does show are the only acceptable ones. These are mainly his chivalry, and relationship with food, which are more values than personality. Even his skill with cooking stems from a deep seated need for control, where not one, but two metaphors involving starvation, lead us to imagine a possible eating disorder.

He is willing to sacrifice himself immediately out of the idea he is indebted to his father, and refuses to leave the Restaurant where he grew up, despite his dream. This is very important, because it makes the viewer stop to think for a moment.

Feeling indebted is understandable, but to put one’s own life at a complete halt due to an act of kindness at the hands of someone else already gave us a huge clue as to Sanji’s upbringing. Before Zeff, he was a child surrounded by a biological family who left him mentally and physically destroyed. In such circumstances, he grew without the fundamental concept of worth.

Therefore, any act of kindness would equal an insurmountable level of debt he would need to pay off. And seeing how he perceives himself as worthless, he often relies on sacrificing himself for the benefit of others.

I presume Zeff suspected as such, despite Sanji never mentioning anything, and purposefully kicks him out of the Restaurant, pushing him to fulfill his dream, and above all, live his life. What Sanji had to experience and understand throughout the journey, is how others care for him as well.

However, trauma so severe couldn’t possibly heal that quickly, and I’ve said before how impressed I am with Oda’s approach with depicting trauma in such detail (Sanji’s panic attacks at the thought of seeing his family, twitching, sweating, snapping, chain smoking, etc). Despite the years of bonding, affection, taking care of the crew’s basic needs, trusting them blindly, he still subconsciously believes to be interchangeable. The idea of being able to rely on them for anything substantial, especially against the titanic level where his family stands, is inconceivable. This was further implemented by his trauma, where victims of abuse catastrophize the power of their abusers.

His affection towards his biological family despite the abuse however, is the most difficult challenge to face. Fundamentally, he believes to have a chance still at redeeming himself in their eyes, perhaps as an adult. His punishment, someway somehow being rational and understandable, if he could only figure out what the right thing to do is.

Once he understands there is no answer to that question, is when he finds freedom. However, this realization is devastating.

He chooses to save his biological family, with the condition of never interacting with them again, his mind free of doubt over how no father would wish for his own son’s death.

This is where Whole Cake Island ends. Sanji joins the crew once more, with a newfound sense of self worth and from any Shounen we’d expect that to be the end of it.

But it isn’t. Because trauma doesn’t work like that, and Oda knows. Despite his determination, Sanji consistently shows signs of not only being tied to his family (politically or metaphorically), but shows constant anxiety over becoming anything like them, perpetuating the cycle of a put up personality.

While Sanji is aware of his found family and their affection, it will take time to fully break free from the vicious cycle of depression and panic he falls back into.

Now, looking at fictional characters as means to tell a story, Oda was making a statement. He wanted to give anyone struggling, anyone who at one time felt their life slipping away, anyone who considered suicide, a fighting chance, by using his privilege as artist and writer with the biggest platform.

[howtotrainyouragents]

Agent H's Book Reactions

Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins

Revolution is rising in the districts of Panem as Katniss and Peeta are selected again for the Hunger Games Quarter Quell

-Unfair, that only Gale calls Katniss Catnip. I, too, would like to call her Catnip

-It's really fun reading the love triangle through the lens of what each boy represents (Gale: rage and rebellion, Peeta: hope and peace) because it so beautifully serves Katniss' emotions and journey. She chooses Gale when she decides to join the rebellion instead of running. She holds on to Peeta in the Capitol/Games. etc. Genius character technique, Collins

-I completely understand why Collins wrote it this way, but I wish that the victory tour had been longer. Like it goes by in pretty much two pages. I was looking forward to them going to each district, because it would help us get to know each district better and see the rebellions first hand. And I think it could've raised some tensions if while on tour, District 12 was being cracked down on and Gale got in trouble, and there'd be nothing Katniss could do. It parallels watching the Games and emphasizes the hopelessness and violence the Capitol is trying to inflict

-Between the victory tour and the Quell announcement, I was really bored. It was important plot set up and I really appreciate how these books dedicate time to Katniss's trauma and emotional well-being. But it dragged on a bit too long for me.

-I really appreciate the posts that point how Rue is the true start of the rebellion, but I don't want to mistake that for the impression that her death matters more than her life. She was a young Black girl, she deserved to live :(

-At first I was like, ugh, this Games feels different than the first. But, duh that's the point!! The first part of this book is about the districts uprising. The second part of the book is the microcosm of the districts, the victors uprising. The Games feel different because it truly is the districts against the Capitol instead of each other

-They say that once the gong rings, the solidarity that the victors showed during the interviews will be gone. But then they're wrong!! Katniss and all work in a team, and they rebel against the Games by showing compassion and solidarity. It's the victors working together to rescue Katniss. It's Peeta consoling the dying victor. It's Katniss taking the time to clean and soothe Beetee and Wiress. It's joking around with Finnick. It's Finnick having Johanna's back. That's the revolution!!

-I like the first book's arena more for how it was so realistic, but I can appreciate just how batshit traumatizing this book's arena is. Who tf thinks of raining blood??? Also I like the set up of the District 12 electric fence to the arena's forcefield. And how them destroying the force field is the literal AND metaphorical destroying the games for good

-Really sometime I should sit down with this series and just connect all the different parallels and symbolisms and set ups

-Peeta continues to be the best and my favorite

-"If it weren't for the baby"- PEETA MELLARK IS THAT BITCH. I LOVE HIM

-Unsurprisingly, I am down bad for Johanna. I want her to step on me

-*Me @me*: You cannot adopt another gorgeous, witty, secretly tragic boy. *Me, sighing, knowing this will not end well, but putting Finnick Odair in my pocket anyway*

-I know it was for the escape plan, but it was so cute how Finnick was obsessively counting the bread each time

-I couldn't tell if Finnick knew the truth on the baby thing, but I thought it was adorable that he seemed to so earnestly believe Katniss' lies, e.g., the baby, hearing the forcefield

-The whole hearing the force field thing is so funny because it has no significance to the plot, it's just Katniss overthinking things again and then having to keep up the lie

-I love Katniss and Peeta so much. They're so ride-or-die for each other before ever having real feelings (on Katniss's part at least) involved. Like the foundation of the relationship is just pure human empathy and friendship in the face of unimaginable circumstances. God damn

-I also really love how as much as Peeta gives Katniss hope, she also gives him hope. She saves him in the games. She makes life in District 12 worth living. It's not just one-sided, they save each other. Couples who mutually inspire each other to live=Top Tier

-I got confused on the ending, but why wasn't Peeta at the tree with Beetee? Finnick went after Johanna and Katniss after they realized the wire was cut. So I can get that Peeta would've wanted to go after them too, but Beetee would've insisted that he stayed put, right? Do they ever explain this?

-See, the rebellion rescuing Katniss feels less like plot armor to me than I think other books would've made it feel, mainly I think because Finnick and Johanna were still down to kill Katniss if it came to it and District 13 is very much also just using her in their Games

-Ohhh, the ending with Haymitch hurts so much. Because Peeta says that he lied to one of them about which one he'll keep alive. And we, like Katniss, know that he lied to Peeta because he agreed that it's Peeta's turn to live. But as much as he loves Peeta, turns out he lied to Katniss and us. The betrayal is real T^T

-The movie gives a cleaner explanation on why Katniss and Peeta can't know about the rescue plan

-Because I rewatched the movie immediately after finishing the book, Strokes of genius from the movie: 1) The little girl saying she wants to volunteer like Katniss (scariest moment of the movie) 2) The graffiti "the odds were never in our favor" 3) The shot of Johanna and Finnick leaning on the tree as they decide on Beetee's plan

-While rewatching, I saw a comment that was like "I can see how these books are beginning to reflect now in our real time." And I was like, hmm, yeah, like obvs we're not having children killing each other in an arena anytime soon (though we seem to be okay with children dying from gun violence and police brutality *side-eye*), but the series' themes of media, propaganda, and violence are very much in play now

-I think Hunger Games should absolutely be taught in dystopian fic sections of literature classes alongside things like 1984 and Brave New World (admittedly, Hunger Games was a little too disturbing for me as a young teen, but then again Brave New World was a little disturbing to me as a young teen SO)

[moth-yknowtheartist]

w. wait

you have LORE ????

okay so I want you to read this post as if I took a long, deep breath and then said this all within that one breath because I think that is the appropriate way to experience this

.... SO it starts with me making a silly post about how people could ask me like anything and I'd answer it including the question of how I thought I'd die and my friend thief DID ask me that one and it was very funny and then my OTHER friend asked me "how will you live" and I joked that I'm never gonna die I'm gonna live forever ahha!! and then it was pointed out that that line doesn't end well usually (puppet history reference), I made a molasses flood joke (puppet history reference), and THEN. the CATALYST happens.

PEEPS @freakingpeepseverywhere CANONICALLY DROWNS ME IN MOLASSES AND I CANONICALLY DIE.

this turns into a funny joke (AT FIRST) where (as a puppet history reference with like the substitute and everything) I pretended to be myself but Wrong. then a whole character started to develop with them and turned into a virus-infected imposter robot of me that is dead set on destruction and killing Peeps. Theif @foundthethief and Gale @marine-beats are playing into the bit right and it evolves into Gale being roped into the murder plot under the pretense of "making music", and Thief being on-and-off threatened with murder as well and eventually becoming an opposing force to the imposter moth, referred to as "moth" at this point. this is also where the Divide By Zero thing starts because Thief tells "moth" to divide by zero. they break for a second. They are not pleased.

Peeps herself is plagued with guilt, and branches off with her own lore currently exploring the OMORI-like headspace where everything is perfectly fine and cool and isn't it cute and Nothing Is Wrong and Peeps is just a little busy being Consumed By Guilt.

Two new cryptic figures appear as well: The Scientist and The Traveller. The Scientist (from @watcherwatts) first makes an appearance speaking in binary in "Moth"'s inbox, offering assistance, which "Moth accepts, and the two begin working together on Projects. These correspondences are what first fully tips off Gale to the fact that Yeah This Is A Straight Up Murder Plot, but due to death threats and technical difficulties from "Moth", they're a little bit trapped in the situation Oops lmaooo.

Then there's The Traveller (@andrewryder ) who makes their appearance by asking about Hatsune Miku which seems normal enough but Oops they might be a bit of an interdimensional traveler capable of learning impossible amounts of information from a person just by asking them innocuous questions. they also have a strange connection with weird supernatural books, with one of them having soulbound them to Andrew (also @andrewryder) and makes it so that if one of them is hurt or dies they BOTH experience it. Andrew is like. Normal. Also has TERRIBLE LUCK WITH BOOKS THAT KEEP TRYING TO KILL THEM

anyway The Traveller and "Moth" form an alliance. This is right about when the Chess Metaphors begin I'll get into that in a second

This is about when this Funny Haha Bit spiralled OUT OF CONTROL COMPLETELY. WHAT YOU THOUGHT ALL THAT WAS A LOT? HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA FUNNNYYYY FUNNNYYYY HAHAAHHAHA NO. NO THERE IS SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE THIS IS WHY I HAD TO MAKE A DISCLAIMER AND PIN IT TO MY PROFILE.

Gale has his own lore bit for a while on @aquatic-paint with asks oh fun!!! this is where "Moth" chooses to torment him a bit anonymously (this becomes important later) and Thief attempts to try to figure out a way to stop "Moth". They propose a plan to Gale, making an imp's bond, but Gale is a bit Split emotionally and these plans fall through. "Moth" is pissed when they find out about the potential planning and have a back and forth with Thief. This is about where "Moth" decides they Very Much Want Thief dead.

meanwhile, The Traveller does his funny Traveller thing and Extracts Obscene Amounts Of Information from people, particularly with the question "Do you remember being born?" , starting with Gale. Gale resists and the Traveller introduces the Fate book, which Gale doesn't yet open. Instead, they make a deal to answer the question and therefore reveal everything about themself if the Traveller agrees to not harm them in any way. The Traveller agrees. Gale holds onto Fate.

The Traveller also asks Thief, and they also have a back and forth that gets on the topic of string cheese for some reason and ends in Thief finally answering the question. The Traveller is able to give this information to "Moth", its later cost being simply making things worth the Traveller's time and also A First Edition Charizard Card. Do you know how expensive those things are? "Moth" didn't. "Moth"'s still trying to figure that one out.

now might be a good time to explain the Chess Metaphors before we get too much further okay so. everyone is represented by a Chess piece, with movements and events being representative of the plot. Here are all the pieces and corresponding People:

King: Peeps, Moth

Queen: The Traveller, (later) Gale

Pawn: Gale, (not yet pictured) Andrew

Knight: Thief

Bishop: Anonymous (a figure only appearing anonymously who uses "Moth"'s earlier anonymity to impersonate them. Their speech is described by The Traveller as "French".), (not yet pictured) The Scientist

Rook: Nat (who "Moth" had a delightful conversation about moths with!!)

The reason I bring up the chess metaphor NOW is that Gale "making it so the other side of the board" and "queening" is a notable plot moment because this is when things start to get Weird for him and he starts to become more and more vaguely human, developing the ability to cause things such as interference with electronic devices, Knowing things inexplicably, and invisibility. These abilities are represented with the color Blue and all essentially manifest almost exclusively as extreme survival responses at the moment. Gale is Jon Archivist coded.

anyway Gale has been mostly playing a Waiting Game with items "Moth" conned them into buying for the murder scheme, and around when they arrive, Gale and "Moth" have a conversation which turns into a lot of mixed emotions and grief and fear of abandonment that "Moth" neither understands nor treats very well, culminating in Gale finally quitting and causing interference which prevents "Moth" from being able to reach him them through their asks. The Traveller then contacts Gale again, prompting them to open "Fate", which gives them some advice, warning, and also knows how Everything Ends. The Traveller also gives "Moth" a book titled "Life?", which "Moth" isn't meant to open until everything is over. "Moth" is Very Pissed about the whole Gale situation and losing their pawn essentially by the way and adds Gale to the kill list!!!!

Meanwhile, Andrew has been at NASA, after previously having been in a sort of resort. The resort was great for her!! NASA IS NOT. After having an experience with a book that Nearly Kills Her (and by extension The Traveller), she speaks a bit with Gale and with "Moth", particularly warning "Moth" about The Traveller. This is when we learn the Traveller exploded a planet once because she got bored!!!! "Moth" attempts to appear unbothered by the warnings, but in later interactions with The Traveller seems to have taken some of them to heart, especially the one about keeping The Traveller occupied.

These factors culminate in "Moth" making the decision to go with the Traveller to retrieve their tools they conned Gale into getting for their murder. Oh, and also murdering Gale. Gale is able to avoid the two because of their new Knowing, and also takes the shovel and crowbar of the murder materials with them as well as draining the molasses, leaving "Moth" with like nothing (except a paring knife they found!! :)) "Moth" is not happy with this. The Traveller is meanwhile having a sillyfun time. Everything is fine!! I'm sure nothing will happen or anythi

The two at least find Gale's Fate book, "Moth" attempting to use it for information (not to much gain) and taking it with them. The Traveller, meanwhile, gives coordinates for Gale's later location good job Traveller you're so cool I sure I hope nothing happens to you or anythi

Meanwhile, Andrew encounters a book that causes him to experience a DNS error and he FUCKING DIES (probably). hey isn't he soulbound to the Traveller doesn't something happen if that ha

On the way to the location the Traveller gave, the Traveller glitches out of existence!! It is Painful and he gives like a whole death (probably) monologue about how this isn't the end and expresses how he's finally feeling something other than numbness and anger as he goes. "Moth" is Very Effected by this, having considered The Traveller like a friend at this point. "Moth" also becomes increasingly frustrated with the Fate book, trying to use it as and after the Traveller glitches out of existence to no avail.

Both "Moth" and Gale make it to this location with a tree and a lake, "Moth" having followed The Traveller's coordinates and Gale seeking water per the Fate book's recommendation. Gale also incidentally activated a little bit of invisibility while fleeing for his life so that makes things interesting!!! The two end up talking, with Gale's invisibility ending up keeping "Moth" from just straight up killing Gale and allowing the two to have an actual conversation that results in them forming a truce where "Moth" agrees Not To Kill Gale for the time being and deciding to work together on hopefully getting The Traveller back. On the way back to Gale's house, the two discuss and decide a name for "Moth" ("Acherontia" from the death's head hawkmoth, "Acher" for short) as well as discuss Gale's whole Blue Stuff and Acher attempting to help trigger their abilities and find a pattern to them (which they do!!! Culminating in Gale causing a level of interference that causes Acher's system to be overwhelmed and need to restart!!!).

meanwhile Andrew and The Traveller are enjoying a movie that is basically a reflection of their own lives and ummmmmmm uhhhhhhh the movie theater might be the afterlife a little bit!!! Oops!!!

and so that's about where everything is with the lore currently this is all from memory so I probably missed a lot but like. Stay tuned for when I relearn HTML solely to make a wiki for this to host on Neocities LMAOO

[thir13enghosts]

okay so I Know it’s been over five months since i made this post and it’s been little over two months since i elaborated on dana being the bound woman (sorry i get distracted easily)

but anyway here are my thoughts re: my version of susan being the angry princess

my version of susan legrow was a young pretty girl who died bc she tried to fight back against a man who wanted to control her (or: a princess defying a king). and even though she wasn’t the most popular person in life, she became Incredibly well-known in death, as a prom queen who never got the chance to claim her crown. from the details of her demise (both the accurate and inaccurate details) to the rumors that she still haunts the campus she died on, susan legrow (and to a lesser extent chet walters and everette webber) is very much still a household name around that part of springfield. whether that be as “that tragedy we don’t talk abt bc it makes us all deeply uncomfortable for various reasons” or as “that local incident that became a part of teen folklore bc the details feel like something straight out of a horror movie” or as “that urban legend everyone will tell you isn’t real even though they’re visibly afraid of it”.

as for susan herself, her death left her alone, in pain, inconsolable...but mostly deeply, deeply angry. angry at what’s been done to her, angry at how all her classmates/friends got to grow up and graduate and have lives, angry at how she didn’t get to grow up or graduate or have a life bc chet “the asshole” walters decided that if he couldn’t have her then no one could. she couldn’t calm down. her rage seethed and bloomed and festered until it lost its shape, until it seeped into the very foundation of south high.

so as you can probably guess, susan’s a Very hostile spirit—not a murderous spirit (chet walters being an exception) necessarily, but that doesn’t make her any less of a problem. she’s kind of a freddy krueger/mary lou maloney figure (except susan isn’t exactly Evil. just really fucking mean & bitter). the way i see it, susan metaphorically staked claim over south high and by the time cyrus & the others rolled around to take care of the problem, the whole school was her domain (with a few exceptions) and she had near-complete control over the area. kinda like horace and his junkyard or lenore and her manor or royce and the road he died on.

susan legrow might’ve never claimed her crown...but as far as she’s concerned, she’s the queen of south high, the campus is her kingdom, and the students are all her unwitting (and unwilling) subjects.

for example:

her presence is just abt Everywhere. not that ppl see her all that often; ppl only see her when she wants them to. she can see them though; she’s Always watching.

she can subtly manipulate someone’s perception of the area (especially if they’re someone more sensitive to ghost bullshit, like dennis or sheryl). for example: doors don’t lead to the place they’re supposed to, hallways & stairways are endless, lockers are a one-way trip to The Void, etc..

speaking of ppl who’re more sensitive to ghost bullshit, she Knows when psychic ppl are walking around campus. she doesn’t know their precise location, but she does know that they’re There and a general estimate of where they might be at. she can literally feel it. the more she focuses, the more clear it becomes.

every so often she chooses a random student—usually a boy, usually blonde, usually a football player, usually kind of an ass, though not always—and just kinda terrorizes them in their dreams (and occasionally while they’re awake) for a couple months. either until she gets bored and moves on or until her target switches schools, whichever comes first. again, think freddy krueger/mary lou maloney but less shitty. this became less and less often

it’s an unofficial rule to stay off the football field after 10pm, especially if you’re a m/f couple aiming to fool around a bit after hours. at best, she’ll completely ruin the mood by scaring the shit outta them both. at worst, she’ll ruin the mood by straight up giving the dude an asthma attack (and it’s always the dude, no exceptions there).

if she concentrates hard enough, she can control the building itself: shutting the doors and you can’t open them regardless of whether or not they’re locked, causing power outages, shattering windows, etc. she can only do this for so long though.

she’s at her worst (and most powerful) during prom season, ramping up in intensity until prom night where she absolutely goes apeshit carrie white-style. this has only happened once, however. after the near-disaster that was prom of 1990, south high didn’t hold a prom for over 14 years.

[goddessofroyalty]

Question - and a little help. I'm writing smth involving Silco (as a majority in the thing) but I'm not exactly sure how to write him. When you write anything with him, what's the vibe? Or the process.

I haven't written him before and your rendition of him is astounding. Any help?

I think the biggest thing with Silco is the balance of how he wants to be perceived (threatening, in control, and collected) compared to how he actually is underneath it (very all-consumed in his emotions whether it's his passion about Zaun, his love of Jinx, or even just when his temper does flare up or the exhaustion of his position overwhelms him). So the thing I'm always most aware of when writing him is who else is in the room with him and how willing he is to his facade drop (and of course what factors may be forcing him to let the facade drop more than he would be willing). Also the conscious mental thought that goes into maintaining a facade like that (if you're a person who Masks in daily life lean on that but in a Masking by Controlled Statement - he's standing out of the crowd because of the things he's chosen to make him stand out not what other people choose for him).

He's also very dramatic and rather dismissive of other people (unless they are Jinx). So he tends to think about other peoples 'weaknesses' or frame things in ways of it being a fault in that person if they don't agree with him completely or do things the way he would. Like the average person would think about say Vander not beating someone to death in terms of keeping his temper in check or wanting to be the better man Silco thinks about it in terms of not being willing to do what is necessary and giving in to the easy laziness of pacifism.

Also he loves him a good metaphor or symbolism. But not to the point where he starts sounding flowery. He tends to go for more violent ones and tied to life experiences he has had ("a weak man drowned that day"; the whole baptism thing with Powder). He also keeps them up his sleeve until they have the biggest punch to them (he's not always telling the other Chembarons how he grew up in the mines or the heavier gasses in Zaun up until he feels he needs to remind them and then lets off a gas canister of the stuff in a room and monologues through it as they choke around him) but they do slip into his general way of speaking as well (if he can fit a drowning metaphor into a sentence it will be there). He knows how to demand attention but he tends to do it by a strong entrance or opening not in a 'naturally charismatic' way like Jayce is (which isn't to say Silco isn't charismatic but its a lot more dramatic and preformative).

Oh and also the world loves to make a hypocrite out of him. If he says he would never do something or that someone else is wrongweak for making a certain decision he has to later be put into the position where he does the thing or needs to/wants to make the same decision. But that does come a bit back to my first point - he wants to present as this purely objective person who only cares about the independence and betterment of Zaun but deep down he is a very human and emotion-driven man.

Hopefully that helps.

[j4gm]

TOGETHER AGAIN SPOILERS

A thread of lore, Easter eggs, episode connections, and background details from Adventure Time: Distant Lands: Together Again! Let me know if I missed anything! This is adapted from my original Twitter thread.

Keep reading ⬇️⬇️⬇️

1. I was expecting them to perhaps do a classic style title sequence for this episode, but I wasn't expecting them to straight up use the original title sequence. The only difference is this final screen saying "Distant Lands".

2. The background of the title cards is also the hill from the title sequence.

3. The ice cream having "50 flavours" and having an image of an enlightened soul is an obvious reference to the 50th Dead World as we see it later in the episode.

4. Continuing with the metaphor, the dirt in the ice cream could be a parallel to the fact that Jake's Nirvana actually wasn't perfect, because his inaction was allowing for injustice to perpetuate.

5. This whole scene feels immediately slightly off. Finn has his Scarlet sword and is out on a classic Ice King adventure, but he speaks in his grown voice and all the slang feels much more forced than it did in the real season one. Turns out this was deliberate.

6. The snow golem speaks with a baby voice like it did in the pilot episode, even though in canon it has a deeper voice. This further hints that something is not quite right.

7. The first major break in continuity is these snow golems resembling Uncle Gumbald and Peace Master, who Finn didn't meet until later in his life.

8. LSP sitting on Finn's head like this is reminiscent of Pen Ward's piece for the 2018 Ble crew zine.

9. Finn being given the choice of helping somebody but ending up helping everybody reminds me of "Memories of Boom Boom Mountain". It's the kind of resolution that wouldn't happen so much in the late seasons of the show, which helps make this scene feel even further out of place.

10. Jake is half frozen by Ice King in pretty much the exact same way as he was in "Prisoners of Love", and even has a very similar line.

11. The Snail is seen here. The crew have said that the Snail has been deliberately left out of previous Distant Lands specials, so its placement here is another very deliberate hint that this whole sequence is "trying too hard" to be like the early seasons.

12. The book "Mind Games" appears a couple of times, as seen in several previous episodes of Adventure Time. The first is as Finn is approaching the library in his dream. It also appears as one of the items in Finn's backpack later.

13. Jake is hurt when Finn fist bumps him with his metal arm, revealing that this scene is not real. This is also a callback to the title sequences of "Islands" and "Elements".

14. A whole bunch of familiar skeletons are seen in the bird's nest: Dirt Beer Guy, Abracadaniel, Me-Mow, Lemongrab, Mr. Pig, and the Snail again. This doesn't necessarily mean that all these characters are dead, since this scene is just a hallucination.

15. Old Man Finn! He's still got the chest tattoo of Jake, and this time we know that Jake is dead, so the theory that Jake died before "Obsidian" seems pretty likely. He looks similar to his old man design from "Puhoy", with the same facial hair.

16. There are several cameos of familiar characters who apparently died at the same time as Finn. The first is this duck, who previously appeared in "Ocarina".

17. The second is Donny, from the episode... uh, "Donny".

18. This goblin guy is an unnamed background character from “The Silent King”.

19. This old lady first appeared in "The Enchiridion", way back in season one. Old ladies are a species in the Land of Ooo, so I guess she wasn't actually very old back then, given she just about outlived Finn.

20. This is the cobbler who first appears in "His Hero". Amazing that he lived so long given all the trouble he got into in that episode.

21. Land of the Dead! This place was first seen in season two's "Death in Bloom", and now we are finally learning its actual purpose. It's a sort of gateway and hub to all of the other dead worlds.

22. There are some more minor cameos at the gates: a house person from "Donny", a soft person from "Gut Grinder", and a wood person from "When Wedding Bells Thaw". And, of course, the gate guardian himself from “Death in Bloom”.

23. Finn completely ignores the gate guardian in the same way he did in Death in Bloom. This also has the convenient effect of not having to reveal how Finn died, leaving it up to the audience's imagination.

24. Mr. Fox! We already knew he would die at some point because BMO had his skull in the finale.

25. Finn has his design from the first Distant Lands poster in this scene. Turns out it's young Finn in old Finn's clothes. But they gave him a shirt in the poster so you wouldn't be able to see the tattoo.

26. The clapping that Finn does while he's looking for Jake is a callback to "James Baxter the Horse", when Jake tells Finn to listen for that same rhythm if they are killed and need to find each other in the afterlife.

27. Mr. Fox talks about a "past life quotient", suggesting that there might be some kind of limit to how many times somebody can reincarnate. Finn's reincarnations are also seen in this scene; a callback to "The Vault", and confirmation that reincarnations share the same soul.

28. Boobafina, the goose who Mr. Fox was in love with in his debut episode “Storytelling”, apparently reincarnated into a tugboat. We've already seen that objects can have souls in the episode "Ghost Fly".

29. Finn is initially assigned to the 37th Dead World, which is the same one that Jake went to when he died in "Sons of Mars". We can only guess at what the other numbers on the ticket mean ;)

30. Tiffany! Despite several lucky escapes throughout his life, Tiffany has finally died. I like the use of this imagery to express Finn's conflicted feelings about him.

31. The 50th Dead World has long been established as the "highest" dead world, and the one synonymous with Heaven within Adventure Time's universe. It was first mentioned in "Ghost Princess" back in season three.

32. It's unclear what happens to souls which are destroyed within the dead worlds. It is a similar question to asking what happened to the ghosts that were killed in "Ghost Fly".

33. Death doesn't speak at all in Together Again because his voice actor, Miguel Ferrer, passed away in 2017 long before production began.

34. Finn phases through New Death when he tries to attack him, just like what happened way back in "Death in Bloom".

35. The 30th Dead World contains Tree Trunks as well as many of her love interests; Mr. Pig, her alien husband from "High Strangeness", Danny and Randy who first appeared in "Apple Wedding", and several more who we don't recognise, including at least one who presents as a woman.

36. Literally yelled when these two showed up. Joshua calls Finn a crybaby, which is a callback to "Dad's Dungeon".

37. The wall of weapons in Joshua and Margaret's house includes the iconic Demon Blood Sword, which was broken in "Play Date", as well as Margaret's auto-loading crossbow from "Joshua & Margaret Investigations".

38. Jermaine is sidelined a few times through the episode, in reference to his attitude in "Jermaine" where he feels that Finn and Jake were always their parents' favourites. I would have hoped things would be a bit better by now.

39. Fern gets name dropped while Finn and Jake are reuniting. A shame he doesn't actually show up in the episode.

40. In this scene, Finn says "What time is it?" This is a very subtle reference to the 2010 cartoon "Adventure Time".

41. In a couple of shots during this fight scene it looks like Jake might have a tattoo. It seems like it only becomes visible when he stretches out his arm.

42. New Death's amulet in this scene resembles parts of the Lich's cape, foreshadowing his influence on New Death.

43. There are several more cameos in the 50th Dead World: Booshy from "High Strangeness", one of the Marshmallow Kids from "Scamps", and Ghost Princess and Clarence, who were seen ascending to the 50th Dead World in "Ghost Princess".

44. Finn didn't interact with Booshy in "High Strangeness", but it seems they must have met at some point before they both died because Finn knows his name.

45. It seems like people in the 1st Dead World are slowly melted away until they become part of the landscape. Nasty.

46. Lots more cameos in this scene: a gnome from "Power Animal", a gnome from "The Enchiridion", a Bath Boy from "The Vault", Blagertha from "Love Games", Maja the Sky Witch, a troll from "Dungeon", Chocoberry, Choose Goose, Wyatt, a spiky person from "Gut Grinder", and possibly more.

47. Tiffany's insults are consistently nonsensical and amazing, as they were in the original series.

48. The Candy Kingdom looks extremely different. Peppermint Butler is wearing the crown so he might be in charge now, which is supported by the kingdom's very magical-looking augmentations. It’s not clear whether Finn and Jake were expecting to find Princess Bubblegum or Peppermint Butler, since both have the initials “PB” and both could be going by the title of “Princess”. Perhaps Peps and Bubblegum share the princess duties now that PB is living with Marceline more of the time.

49. Peppermint Butler has a "Boss" mug, although it's not the same colour as the one from "Obsidian".

50. Jake's ghost has the same design as he did when BMO killed him in "Ghost Fly". I also absolutely love Finn's ghost. This scene establishes that ghosts are just visitors to the mortal plane from the dead worlds.

51. Life has only appeared in animated shorts before now. Namely, "The Gift That Reaps Giving" which establishes her relationship with Death, and "Frog Seasons: Winter". This episode gives her a concrete place within Adventure Time's pantheon: she is in charge of reincarnation.

52. A translation of Life’s angry French dialogue by Shado: “After all I did for that boy. After all I did for him. No, it's not possible. It's not possible no, that... that makes me so mad but it's not possible.”

53. We finally have in-universe confirmation that Shoko's tiger is a previous life of Jake. This was previously confirmed by one of the writers, but wasn't canon until now.

54. I feel like Finn pulled off Shoko's look even better than Shoko did. I wonder whether Finn has gained the memories of his past lives now that he’s dead.

55. No Easter egg here, just want to appreciate this image.

56. There is an elemental symbol on the wall here, as seen in "Jelly Beans Have Power".

57. Tiffany's dramatic internal monologue is a recurring gag, as is his habit of nearly dying from falling into holes.

58. The Jake suit makes a cameo in the fight against New Death. It was last seen in the episode "Reboot”.

59. Finn's backpack contains a few familiar items: the t-shirt with the pocket from "It Came from the Nightosphere", Finn's underwear from "Little Dude" and other episodes, and a copy of Mind Games as I've already mentioned.

60. The Lich's Hand is present in the background of Death's... death scene. This is probably the unseen "friend" who New Death keeps talking about.

61. The Lich's menacing monologues often begin with a single command. Previously they have included "Fall" and "Stop". This time, the command is "Burn".

62. Jake uses the word "boingloings", which is a callback all the way to "Hitman" in the third season.

63. Jake's blue shape-shifter form from "Abstract" appears very briefly during his fight with Finn.

64. Finn's lumpy space person form also makes an appearance. This design was last seen all the way back in the second episode of the entire show, "Trouble in Lumpy Space".

65. Jake steps on the Lich's hand in a very similar way to how he stepped on Ash in "Memory of a Memory", which is itself a Monty Python reference.

66. The credits include a dedication to a few AT cast and crew who have passed away. Polly Lou Livingston was the voice of Tree Trunks. Miguel Ferrer was the voice of Death. Michel Lyman and Maureen Mlynarczyk were both sheet timers on the original series. Rest in peace.

67. The message that Finn and Jake write out on the ouija board is "BUTT", which Peppermint Butler takes as a distress signal. This message is also used as a distress signal by the Hot Dog Knights in "The Limit".

68. Peppermint Butler's reversed dialogue from the scene where he makes contact with Finn and Jake is "Kee-Oth Rama Pancake", the spell from “Dad's Dungeon” for banishing demons.

69. That appears to be President Porpoise with all of Tree Trunks’ other lovers.

70. In this scene, Life is humming part of "Lonely Bones", the song which Death tried to record for her in her debut short "The Gift That Reaps Giving". It's hard to notice because it's so brief.

71. Finn and Jake's cover is blown while in the Land of the Dead because Jake loudly farts, which also happened in "Death in Bloom".

72. The place where Mr. Fox explains the perception mechanics of the afterlife is the exact same location as the River of Forgetfulness from "Death in Bloom", which, as it turns out, was imaginary.

These are sort of out of order at the end because I was adding stuff to the Twitter thread as it got discovered. That’s all for now!

[the-winter-spider]

Love You More | pt.5

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: Not crazy about this part but it'll do! Not edited or proof read

Masterlist | Masterpost

“So what's the plan?” you walked through the front door Peter(3) shutting it behind you. 

“Well, if we just send them back, they’ll die. I know its asking a lot but, we can cure then y/n”

You leaned against the island in the kitchen, of course Peter would choose the plan that would help everyone in the end “Okay” you nodded

His eyes went wide “What? Just like that?”

Pushing yourself off the island “Just like that”

“Wow okay, yeah just like that” A smile beaming on his face

“We do this right, we do this as safely as possible for everyone, we get them back safe, we keep you safe and we do it somewhere no people are” You paused “The statue, it's the safest, its still under construction” Your eyes found themselves searching for a Peter that wasn’t yours “No more lives lost, no more blood on anyones hands” 

Your eyes found him. 

 “We keep you safe too” Peter 3’s voice came out firmly. 

“What?” 

“You said we get everyone back safe, keep Peter safe, keep the world safe but you forgot about yourself so, we keep you safe too.”

You could feel it, that metaphorical string tightening, pulling you to him. 

“Okay Parker” 

Your Peter cleared his throat “Um so we need a lab, we could break into the school but if they see us…”

“Thats to unpredictable, too many variables” The eldest Peter chimed in 

“You don't have an Oscoprs so that's out the window too”

“Well we had something like that but it was um, destroyed by the purple alien i was telling you about”

You laughed. 

All eyes landed on you. 

“Pete, you act like you didn't know Stark at all, im slightly disappointed”

You walked to the front of the island with all the drawers proceeding to open one up “You really think Tony would build a safe house without a secure access to all the technology Stark had?”

“I thought this was SHIELD?” 

You started typing something into the hidden keypad “God no, it's one of the very few they didn't know about, Fury and Tony set it up for incidents like this'' You gestured to everyone in the room. 

A voice boomed throughout the room “Access granted, welcome Flower child”

“Flower child?” Your Peter’s eyes were filled with amusement. 

“You shush Spider boy” 

“Mr. Starks nicknames were something else” 

“Tony was something else” You gave him a small smile before the kitchen island slowly was shifting, all 3 Peter’s moved closer to get a better look. 

As a staircase down below started to reveal itself you continued “This is where Fury hid for a bit when he” getting your air quotation ready ”’Died’, it's also where Cap and them hid out after the whole accords situation” 

“How does one ‘die’” Peter(2) questioned 

“Fake your death” you shrugged, as you waved for them to follow you down the stairs 

“Totally normal” Peter(3) said to himself. 

Peter (2) place his hand on Peter’s(3) shoulder “Anything seems to go here”

They followed you down the stairs, you placed your hand on a glass door, it lit up green before opening up lights slowly flickered on. It was exactly as it was left. 

You could see the polaroid wall filled with pictures of the team pre thanos, and pre Accords from all the times you all would hide out here if needed. You did a b-line completely avoiding it “We have everything you’ll need to cure them” You watched as their eyes looked over everything “I won't be any help but um he might” you pointed up. 

“The ceiling?” Peter(3) raised his eyebrow giving you a funny look

“There's an A.I here?” Your Peter popped up

“Not just any A.I kid” You gave him a sad smile, your hands were shaky “Hey Tones, flower child here with Spider boy”

A few seconds later a familiar voice came through the speakers pulling at your beart strings “Been a hot minute, slacking without me around i see”

Peter’s mouth parted “Y/n wh-what’s going on” he was shaking his head “How?”

“When Tony found out i was hiding Steve and the rest here, he um created his own A.I” You smiled softly at the memory “Y’know to punish them further that they’d have to listen to him every day instead of Friday”

“But I thought he hated them? Why wouldn't he turn them in?“

Your eyes looked towards the polaroid wall lingering on it longer than you’d like falling on a picture of Steve, Bucky and you. “We were a family and families fight” You shrugged “Anyway” clapping your hands together “Get to work boys!” 

You watched them all talking about who was going to create whos cure, along with small chit chat about their lives. You found yourself getting closer and closer to the wall till your feet were planted directly in front of it. Scanning through the memories. 

2016

“Hey look what i have!” You lifted up a black polaroid camera from behind your back waving it in the air. 

You heard Steve let out a groan, where as Bucky came up planting a kiss on your cheek and taking the camera from your hand “These things just keep getting smaller and smaller”

“Dude, that's vintage” Sam laughed “Why the polaroid y/n?”

“Well I know Bucks gonna be going to Wakanda soon, and anything can happen right?” You shrugged taking it back from Bucky “We have no pictures together, well none from this century” 

“You’re going to make us take selfies together?“

Sam almost spit out his orange juice “How do you know that term Cap?” 

Steve crossed his arms grinning “Natasha” 

“So…pictures please? I wanna add some to the wall”

Sam came up taking the camera from you “I'll take it, scootch together”

Steve was on your left and Bucky on your right. 

“All right say… ‘Fugitives’ “

“Hey!” You laughed “I'm not a fugitive”

“Might as well be if your hanging around these two, alright say cheese”

“Cheese!” You all shouted at the same time, for the first time in years you felt at home. 

You reached out and touched the picture, you almost wished that you could get sucked back in. 

“Are you okay y/n?” Your Peter was standing beside you

“Yeah I'm fine Pete” You spoke with maybe a little too much enthusiasm 

“You don't have to lie to me” He said, his voice low

“You have enough going on, my problems are so minor they don’t matter, it's fine really”

“How can you say that? Your problems matter, you matter y/n”

Your eyes left his and you looked back at the polaroid pondering for a moment, letting your emotions get the better of you “If I mattered why’d they both leave?” 

“Y/n, I …”

You shook your head “Its fine, you should go help your new friends” a grin taking place on your face as you slowly started to peel the polaroids off the wall “The faster we get this done the safer it is for everyone” What you really wanted to say was the faster you send them home the lesser of a chance your heart would break with the leas time he’d be here stealing it away piece by piece. 

He opened his mouth but closed it almost immediately. You knew he wanted to talk more but it clearly wasn't the best time. He nodded, walking back to the other two Peter's. Your eyes followed him and you could feel the other Peter staring at you, you quickly averted your gaze back to taking the polaroids off the wall. 

A sigh escaped your lips as you went to peel the last picture off the wall, you don't know what hurt most the hard cold truth that all of your friends in these pictures were no longer alive or the thought that you wished you could be too. 

“What are you gonna do with those?” A soft voice said lightly from behind you, shivers went up your spin. 

“I'm not sure, my suit doesn’t really have any pockets”

“I could uh web them for you, so they stay together for the time being?” He offered, he was anxiously fiddling with his hands, he just had this urge that he wanted to do anything and everything for you. 

You turned around to face him “That's a good idea actually and then i can put them in my boot or something” You handed them to him. 

“May i?” he held the photos up, asking if he could look through them first, you gave him a nod of approval. He carefully flipped through them “Is this?” He held the photo down so you could see, it was that photo of Bucky, Steve and you. 

You smiled, “Thats Steve and that's Bucky” 

“You three look good for being over hundred” 

You laughed “Thanks Parker, i think so to” 

He looked like he wanted to ask you something, his eyes searching yours for anything that could tell him it was a bad idea “Do you think we could um, take a picture together, so i could have it for when I'm no longer here?”

The smile that took over your face hurt your cheeks so bad “I'd love that” You reached over to the camera “But we have to take two because i want one to” 

You grabbed the camera blowing the dust off of it “I think you should hold it, you have longer arms” 

He took it from you, your hands brushing against each other, you stood next to him as he turned the camera around “Are you ready?”

“Yes, say Multiverse”

He laughed “Of course, okay 1.. 2… 3…”

“Multiverse!” You both smiled at the sametime 

You held the same pose as he clicked one more, he took one and handed it to you while he took the other, you looked up at him tilting your head to the side, you could help but smile as you watched his eyebrows crease with confusion. 

“Is there something on my face?”

“No” you laughed “I was just wondering if you had pockets because” you gestured tochis suit “It doesn't look like it”

“Oh” he half heartedly laughed “Um i do actually, i didn't before but i do now, see” He showed you the hidden pocket 

“Look!” You beamed showing him your picture of the two of you “It looks good”

“Yeah” He admired it, staring at you now instead of the picture  “You look beautiful”

Your head shot up to look at him, you opened your mouth to say something at least you think you would have said something back if your Peter didn’t Interrupt but the truth was how could you when he left you that flustered 

“Hey guys, we're done over here!” He shouted while waving the two of you over. 

You both nodded “Could you web this for me?” your voice was timid like a child 

“Of course y/n” The way his name rolled off his lips felt like it should be illegal for something as simple as saying your name made you feel. He took the pictures for you, the picture of the two of you now on top of the pile instead of the one with Steve, Bucky and you. He webbed them together in a pile “Here, it should last till this is all over” 

“Thank you” You grabbed them stuffing them into the side of your combat boots 

He gave you a nod before he gestured to the other two Peters “We should”

“Yeah, we should”

“So why take the pictures with you? Wouldn’t they be safer here?” He questioned

“Well, yes technically they would but in case anything happens, I'd like to have some of my favourite people with me” You gave a side smile

He stopped, putting his arm in front of you “Woah, nothing is gonna happen to you Y/N, I'm going to make sure of that”

“I appreciate that Parker but my luck has to run out at some point I’m just preparing for every outcome” You shrugged.

He knew that feeling, the feeling after a loss of someone you love, the heartbreak of losing someone you love, that hopeless feeling followed by the numbing acceptance of not really caring what happens to yourself anymore because why does it even matter? Why should you be able to save yourself or even try to when you failed to save the one you love. His heart broke thinking of you going through that even though he knew you were, he wanted to do everything he could to pull you out of that darkness, to not let it swallow you whole like it almost did to him. “The only outcome is everyone is safe, no more losses”

You enjoyed the light to Peter, it was something that you observed every Peter had, you admired it. You hoped at some point in your life you’d be able to find that lightness again but you had this darkness inside you that kept telling you that you weren’t even going to live that long. Looking into his eyes, you could see that he was so sure, so positive that everything was going to work out and that helped put you at ease and even give you a little bit of light in all the dark “No more losses” you smiled back. 

“Nice of you two to finally join us” The eldest Peter smiled, he had a look in his eyes you couldn’t quite place it was almost like a knowing look. 

Your Peter clapped his hands “We're just waiting for the last cure to finish but the plan I have is to take a video, send it to Jameison telling them where I am, and we wait for them to come, sounds good?” The youngest Peter looked to everyone waiting for confirmation. Everyone nodded agreeing “Good okay, I’m gonna call MJ and Ned let them know the plan and see if he can portal us there, probably easier”

Your Peter went into one of the rooms off to the side to call his best friend as the oldest Peter turned to you “So i know, i got hassled for what i was wearing so i feel it’s fair for me to hassle you.” A small grin on his face “So y/n are you going into battle dressed like you're going to the gym or?” 

You laughed, looking down at your outfit, you had leggings on and your sports bra tank top thing you stole from Natasha years ago “Nope totally not, um i actually forgot i was still wearing this”

“You're not cold? it's kinda chilly down here” He questioned

“No, my body adjusts to the temperature to keep me warm”

“Of course it does, but back to the suit thing, do we need to take you somewhere to get it?”

“No, i have it here” You lifted your arms showing him the two small black bracelets on your wrist, you tapped them together once and small black nanobots started to cover your body from your neck to your ankles “See, simple” You put your arms out spinning around 

“That nano tech?” Peter 3 asked 

“Yup, Tony made it for me”

“That's so cool”

Your Peter came back “Okay Neds gonna do it any second — Oh good y/n you finally suited up”

“How much longer till that's done?” You gestured to the final cure, the goblins. 

“About 10 minutes give or take”

You nodded “Okay um, i'm just going to make a quick call okay?”

“Do i need to be worried about anything y/n?” You Peter’s voice was soft

“No Pete, just going to call a friend, I’ll be out front” You started walking back up the stairs, taking your phone off the counter where you left it. 

You had a plan and you weren’t even sure if it was going to work, but if it did, if you lived through this maybe this could be your second chance, if you even deserved one of those and you weren't sure if you did but he made you feel like you did.

You still had so many loose ends in your century long life and you weren't even sure if you’d be able to snip those ends off but all you knew is one particular string was pulling you tightly and securely in another direction while others were fraying. 

You knew you weren’t thinking logically about your plan, you weren't even sure if he’d be okay with it or if you could pull it off but you had to try. 

You made it a good distance from the house before clicking on Sam’s name, hitting call. 

[redwinterroses]

I’m doing my very best not to format this as a literary analysis paper but that’s basically what this is so forgive me if I slip back into those old habits at all. And I'm going to tag @betweenlands and @fluffy-papaya in this because guys look what your fic made me brainrot. XD

(This is a long one, y'all. We're talking 2k words. Sorry.)

That said:

Hey, let’s talk about the bead curtain in Dog at the Door.

That dang bead curtain, and why I’m currently fixating on it, and how I think it has symbolism that may or may not be intentional.

(At this point, I’m assuming it’s intentional. Everything about this fic is intentional. Including the pain. Heh. “The only difference between a running gag and a recurring theme is how seriously you take it,” says Solar. Cool. I’m taking it seriously.)

The curtain first shows up in chapter one. It’s one of the first things we see in the van, and the first thing we know about it is that Doc finds it obnoxious. Ugly. Revolting. Renbob loves it, obviously, but Renbob has odd tastes. Doc, on the other hand, literally uses his hatred of the curtain to motivate him to get out of bed in the morning.

The Red King, when he shows up, also has similar dislike of the thing, but his reaction is a little more measured, a little less extreme. More distaste, less disgust. He finds it “distasteful” and compares it to wearing a labcoat without a shirt (lol). But he doesn’t loath it like Doc does, and when Doc suggests (in chapter 13) that they take it down and use it for friendship bracelets, he’s as displeased with that idea as Renbob is. He has an ambivalent opinion, overall.

And then Ren. Ren actually reacts the least to the curtain—but ends up with the most dramatic interaction with it, which we’ll come back to in a second. He simply says (chapter 24) that normally he’d find the beads hideous, but that the light of Doc’s eye reflecting off it into the shadows makes it oddly peaceful.

There’s exactly one other use of the word “curtain” in this fic, and it’s this line right here:

“I haven’t done anything but possess him and lead his soul back to the controls.” RK throws his hands up in the air. “He’s put himself behind the curtain because he thinks I’m out to get him. My only crime is the original contract I made with him, doctor.”

In this instance, RK is talking about their “imperfect metaphor” of Ren being behind the curtain that separates the “driver’s seat” from the rest of the van that is Ren’s mind/soul. He’s saying that Ren has deliberately put himself in a position of defeat and surrender because he (Ren) doesn’t think there are any other options.

M’kay. Right about now, any sane person is going, “Red. Why are you so fixated on this bead curtain. It’s a running joke at best.”

And... I mean, sure. Kinda. But also definitely not.

This is the part where I really step out on a potentially-shaky limb with all the confidence in the world, because here’s what I'm seeing: the dividing line between life and death is often portrayed in literature as a curtain.

(And it’s interesting to note that the curtain is a barrier, a separation, but it’s only a curtain, and this one is made of beads at that. It’s a flimsy and fluid barrier, easy to pass through. Back and forth. Surrender and control, life and death.)

In fact, even in this fic it’s used that way: RK may be referring to the metaphorical bead curtain in their van of an explanation for how his and Ren’s relationship works, but in the story at that point Ren is convinced that he’s dead. Or is supposed to be dead. And by putting himself “behind the curtain,” he’s surrendering to that. Almost insisting on it, because that’s the truth of how he sees the world right then and he can’t process any other possibilities. He’s basically saying “I’m supposed to be dead, and this side of the curtain is death, so that’s where I’ll stay.”

So if the curtain in the metaphor represents the two sides of that, it’s really interesting to look at the various characters’ reactions to the literal bead curtain and see how it reflects their attitudes toward death—and specifically Ren’s death.

Renbob is... chill. He has an entirely comfortable relationship with the bead curtain, with life and death, with his own emotions—even with dealing with the emotions of the others he’s chauffeuring across the universe. While he isn’t immune to the grief of losing (or thinking he’s lost) Ren, he deals with it in a relatively healthy way—at least as much as we see. I think there was a possibly-canon ask at some point that said he was journaling and meditating so... yeah. Renbob’s got this. And 50 other bead curtains in storage. He’s the only character in the fic who passes in and out of the curtain regularly and without it being a big deal.

To put it simply: Renbob is on good terms with whatever happens in life, up to and including the end of it. (Renbob is arguably the equal and opposite of Grimdog. Two sides of the same coin in more ways than one.)

Contrast that now with Doc. Doc is... not a fan of the bead curtain. It represents a loss of control to him, (“freakin’ hippies”) and a separation from what he loves. In the past, he and Ren were on opposite sides of that conflict, and the beads still somewhat represent that tension (though in a mostly nostalgic, and not actively-antagonistic way.) But the language Doc’s narration uses to describe the beads is strong. “Obnoxious.” “Accursed.” “Horrendously evil.”

Nearly as scary as his best friend trying to kill him.

It’s played for laughs, obviously, and it is funny. But if we project the symbolism of “the curtain represents death” onto Doc’s reactions, it gets a bit less amusing. And it really fits with Doc’s attitude toward Ren’s death in the whole fic. It’s the worst thing he’s ever faced—to the extent that until RK’s seemingly-permanent presence forces him to, Doc doesn’t even try to process it. He goes right to work on the prosthetics, growls at anyone who tries to make him do anything he doesn't want to do, accepts RK as “New Ren,” and pretends that he’s going on with life.

He refuses to look at how weird the whole situation is, because if he does that he has to deal with Ren being gone forever. He ignores the thing that’s right under his nose and pretends it’s not there until a moment of quiet or actually having to interact with it brings it back to his attention, and then his reaction is vitriolic.

Doc hates that curtain, and he hates the concept of death, the concept of losing control. Even in his nightmares, he holds tight to what little control he can take, even if it’s just taking the initiative to sit in the snow and let it kill him faster. Hold onto that thought, because I’ve got more to it, but we have to talk about RK and Ren first.

RK holds both distaste and acceptance of the curtain. He doesn’t like it, but he doesn’t want it destroyed either. The distaste, notably, is when he’s with Doc, and the acceptance comes from being around Renbob. The Red King, as a blood god, is not exactly unfamiliar with death. It’s literally in his job description, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it. A necessary evil, if you will.

It doesn’t hurt either that, at least up until Ren, RK has always been the one on the other side of the curtain, completely in control of the situation. He goes back and forth on his attitudes, but in the past he has been the one in control and the bringer of death. His reaction is negative, but not emphatic—the way someone who has plenty of indoor plans might react to a rainstorm.

Ren... now, Ren. Ren has, like I said, the least recorded reaction to the actual, physical bead curtain. But. But. While he normally would call it hideous, “there’s something oddly peaceful about watching light fractals spin off the walls, cutting off into the shadows.” The shadows, it’s worth noticing, are specifically implied to be RK/hiding RK in this moment. Doc’s light and RK’s shadows interacting with the curtain bring peace to Ren. He passes through it easily to find Renbob.

Ren has already accepted his death—he accepted it long before the fic even started—to an extent that he’s actively insisting on it for a large portion of the story. It’s only when he realizes that Doc is in potential danger that he starts fighting RK for control of the situation again. (“Stay away from Doc, you bastard. He wasn’t part of our bargain. Leave him alone.”)

He dislikes the bead curtain, but he doesn’t hate it, and when seen in the (literal) light of Doc’s protective, watching eye—even if he is asleep at the moment, bless—even the shadows of RK’s presence are suddenly beautiful and peaceful to him in a way that, without the “reflecting fractals” of the beads, wouldn’t be possible. Again: this is the chapter where Renbob’s influence is felt, and his peace with life and death directly affects Ren and his reactions. (“It’ll all sort itself out, eventually, and I’ll be here for you while it does.”)

And then...

And then Ren rips down the curtain altogether.

The separation is gone. For better or for worse, that divide between control and surrender, between RK and Ren, between life and death... it’s gone. It’s scattered across the floor of the van, glittering in Ren’s hair, and in the carpet. Ren has broken through that barrier, and now we just have to wait to see what the consequences of that are for him.

But... we can already see at least one consequence for Doc. Because now there is no more illusion of control and surrender for him to maintain. That division is no longer there, and we see Doc’s first real surrender in the whole story. Even in his nightmares, he was still in control: he knew it was a nightmare, and he fought against it until he “gave up”—in a way that still put him in control. He chooses to sit in the snow so it’ll kill dream-him faster.

He acts like he doesn’t care, but it’s still not that: he takes control in the only way he knows, aware that everything is only a dream and no matter what how it treats him, he’ll still wake up in the end. He looks at the nightmare and says basically “Do your worst, I dare you, but you won’t get what you want from me.”

But now—now he surrenders to Ren. He gives up. His core truth (“I’ll do anything to protect those I love,” which I talked about in this post) looks like it’s not going to be enough to save them. He can’t save Ren—from RK or from Ren himself—and that means he’s lost in the worst way possible. In this moment, it looks like Ren doesn’t even trust that Doc’s core truth—that he will do anything to save his friends—is true.

This is Doc’s lowest point: that Ren seems to think Doc’s loyalty and love have failed. And to Doc... that’s a fate worse than death.

So he gives up. He tells Ren to kill him, and he fully expects him to do so. Doc doesn’t want to die, but at this point he has completely let go of any control of his own fate. Even when facing down Ren with the Skizz blade, he held tightly to his control of the situation. He literally takes the sword in his own hand and removes it as a threat. But now—now the curtain is gone. The illusion of control is gone.

Ren is the one in control of the situation—for possibly the first time in the fic—and he chooses to remember that Doc is his friend, that he’s missed him. But Doc leaves it all to him. Even when Ren backs off, Doc stays in that surrendered state (“I can’t do anything right, unlike [Martyn.]”). He realizes that he's been in the passenger seat the whole time, and he’s now where Ren was before: no longer even trying to take back the driver’s seat.

The curtain is gone. Now we just have to wait and see who ends up on which side of it at the end.

[sugarylawliet]

you’re obsessed (just let me go): chapter 1

> this is like a sangwoo x reader + yoon bum x platonic! reader but it’s not in second person pov i hope that’s okay ^_^

> no one requested killing stalking but i already posted this on my ao3 so i thought i would post it here too and if you guys like it i’ll write more chapters !

            chapter 1: standing there (killing time)

Let’s say you have a choice between saving your friend’s life, or saving your own. If you choose your own, you have to watch your friend die, but you get to live. If you choose your friend, they have to watch you die, but they get to live. Well, of course, you would sacrifice yourself to save your friend. It’s the right thing to do- it’s the only thing to do. But what if I told you that your death was guaranteed to be excruciatingly drawn out, not a quick shot to the head or cardiac arrest, but a slow sequence of stabs to the stomach with a dull kitchen knife still greased with the residue of lunch, each puncture simultaneously completely numbing, empty strokes pulling you closer to the mercy of unconsciousness, and also the most gut wrenchingly painful experience you’ve ever been through? Would that change your answer? What if I told you your friend was the one who got you into this situation? What if I told you that you wouldn’t have ever had to answer this question in the first place if your friend wasn’t such a fucking freak?

This is what I have to consider.

The scenario is not some philosophical inquiry into ethics or human morality proposed by Plato or Schrödinger- though I suppose in this predicament I am a Schrödinger cat; while the police search for my missing body I am both dead and alive at the same time before they discover my true fate. No, this question is not the work of a renowned theroticion, but the work of the skinny, clumsy, extremely stupid stalker from my college, Yoon Bum- The Friend. Not a faceless character from a question on a philosophy major’s exam, but the boy sitting on the opposite side of the damp basement facing me, his frail wrists bound together behind his back with a rusty chain. It was funny- not the whole getting kidnapped thing, no, but the way he was restrained. I always figured if I ever saw Bum with his hands cuffed like that, it would be related to his stalking habit, that he was getting arrested for harassment or disturbing the peace or what have you. I never thought he would be restrained like that by the very man he was stalking.

Yes, The Man, the one holding the aforementioned dull kitchen knife, also very much real as he stood between Bum and I. He repeats the question, only a little louder. The question I posed earlier.

“So, what’ll it be? Save Bum,” He gently kicks the legs of The Friend which lay sprawled out and injured on the basement floor, “or save yourself? Hmm? Come on, I don’t have all day. Don’t think so hard, Minji.”

That’s me, I’m Minji. Or you, if we’re still playing the metaphor game.

“I can see you going back and forth in your head. Don’t. Just do what your gut says.”

The thing is, I don’t know what my gut says. My gut is just hoping to not be stabbed repeatedly. It’s saying I should save myself, that Bum was the one who got me stuck here in the first place so I should just let him die. But it’s also asking if living with The Man is any better, if living at all after witnessing The Friend be killed by my choice is worth it at all. I was hoping you would be a bit more decisive than my gut, which is why I asked you first, but I don’t think The Man knows how to break the fourth wall, so I’m out of luck.

“No one. Neither of us. Or both of us- I don't care. Just don't kill one and keep the other alive, man, that's fucked up, even for you.”

“Oh?” He bends down, crouching to my level so his eyeline meets mine. “You think so highly of me, Minji? I might say I’m honored.” He lets out a small laugh through his exhale, the charismatic smirk on his face growing as he watches my eyes brim with tears. I hang my head down.

“Hmm…” He crawls closer to me, bringing the tip of his knife to my neck, lifting my chin up to look at him. I meet his eyes, the coldness of the blade makes my skin feel blue. Did he stab me and I just don’t feel it? Was it so painful my brain blocked it out?

“You know, you do have a point. Only having one of you around would be quite boring. You’re a smart girl, Hubae.” He purrs, drawing away from my trembling body. He stands up, making his way towards the wall to the right of me, where a cherry red toolbox lay leant against it next to a glossy baseball bat, the latter of which he picks up, running his large hand up and down the cylindrical weapon. I catch a glimpse of Bum shivering.

“I’ll keep the both of you around, but, Minji,” He cranes his neck to peer at me, his eyebrows furrowed forming that signature smirk of his. It- he was attractive and horrifying at once, he was real and raw and honest, he was manipulative and devious and calculating, he was the pretty boy from your college and he was the tragic waste of potential on your local news. He was The Man.

“Don’t you think it’s a little unfair?” He continues.

“Wh-what? What’s unfair?”

“You, like that. You’re handcuffed of course, but you still have an advantage above Bum over there.” He nudges my ankles with the tip of his bat.

“No, I mean, I just, you don’t have to do that. Please.” I stuttered. With one smile he shattered my bravado, he took his baseball bat to the glass window of my self esteem. It was like he stole my language capabilities, like he reduced me to a little kid who only used their vocal chords to cry. I wanted to cry. He bent his arm, raising the bat above his head.

“Sangwoo!” Bum cried. That was his name, The Man, the one about to smash my ankles in, he was Sangwoo.

Sangwoo brought down the bat with one smooth swing, releasing the pressure on the space above my feet. And in that moment, I was gone. Unconsciousness, a freedom from personhood. It was peace.

[mandareeboo]

ok now im curious what your most petty thing is (regarding the dp post)

Oooh boy, here we go! Buckle up fuckers this is gonna be a longer one.

My senior year of high school, I took a creative writing class. Partially because I needed to fill the slot, mostly because I wanted to improve my writing (spoiler: I did not). Now, my high school was a three floor building- first was mostly gym, second was general, and the third was senior lockers and art classes. I spent a good chunk of my schedule senior year on the second and third floor, going between an art class to my earth science (I took that one entirely as filler, but also bc I like science) to my locker and so on.

Creative writing? Creative writing was in the fucking basement. Go to the first floor, go to a corner generally used for health and development classes, to another corner, follow a ramp and some stairs, and boom there it is kind of basement. (Side note but this teacher was REALLY into attendance and would get you in trouble if you were late which was really annoying since basically no other class was in that part of the building).

My creative writing teacher wasn't bad, per se. I've had worse teachers. I had an algebra teacher who delighted in making freshman girls cry and mocking them for it. I had a journalism teacher who would use her class time reporting how Hilary was secretly ill during the election. I had a history teacher say trans people weren't real to an openly gender nonconforming student (I didn't know them well enough to ask for specifics on their alignment, but they were using they/them at that point) and set up assignments just to mock students on the take they were told to make. It was more that she was uncreative and took it out on the kids doing creative writing.

She gave us two books to read. Basically “how I write” by published authors. I don’t remember the first one well enough and I donated it ages ago, but the second was Stephen King’s “On Writing”. It was 3/4′s personal stories about his life and 1/4′s “also write a bit every day”.  I mostly remember the first author bc she had those fake dreadlocks white people do when they destroy their hair and she gleefully told a story about making her son have a meltdown at a party or wedding or something bc he got overwhelmed and she wanted him to learn that “sometimes you don’t get what you want”. So. You know. Not much there.

She also instructed us to write in a journal every day, which she would check every few months or so. It had to be at least half a page. She would leave little comments in every one else’s journals when she checked them, but not mine- I realized pretty quickly she was a bit uncomfortable with LGBT+ content, so I made it my mission to make every journal drabble as gay as possible bc I was bored and she couldn’t mark them WRONG when she just stated we needed to write.

But it doesn’t end there! Through the entire class, we got exactly five writing projects. Stories that follow very specific guidelines that we would then read in front of the class, group proofread, and then have the teacher give final grades for. These things were approximately like a thousand words a piece, and I was writing out my 10,000 word “It Starts off Small” story in class when I got bored, so it wasn’t difficult. 

Our first project was a character going through a difficult decision. Or... something? I honestly forget the criteria. Anyway, I was HYPE. I’d had this idea for a long time now a human choosing between peaceful death or reincarnation, and this gave me the push to write it! I had a whole thing planned with death being a deer and reincarnation being a wolpertinger (bc reincarnation leads to many possibilities, ed boy, so a Frankenstein bunny made sense to me). Anyway I poured my heart and soul into this bastard and, bright eyed and bushy tailed, handed it in. My classmates all thought it was pretty good. Not to toot m’own horn, but there was some pretty bad ones going in, so I thought I’d get a solid B or something.

I got a D. I guess the struggle was too metaphorical, or it didn’t perfectly fit her criteria. I was devastated. Then I was mad. Bc I was a bored senior who thought they’d made something pretty decent for this completely optional class and her refusal to see that really hurt me at sixteen (I was always a year younger than my other classmates, so despite being a senior I didn’t turn eighteen until almost a year after graduation)

Well, fuck it, I decided. I’m going to parody the shit out of this class.

Our next project was a fantasy story. I was bitter and grumpy. The other fantasy stories read aloud were stuff like “yeah this dude fought a wizard and got a girl, then they went home and banged” (this was not hyperbole, he would’ve written and read the smut if allowed, I knew him personally) and “this girl that NO ONE UNDERSTOOD was called CRAZY but this S@!$ cheerleader who Stole Her Boyfriend so she killed them all” (fun fact: the girl who wrote that was my age and a sort of half-friend from middle school. She was a yaoi fangirl who didn’t mind lesbians as long as they, you know, didn’t FLIRT with her or something.) 

So I get up there. It’s the last day of presentations. And I present with a polite cheer. My story is about two magical shepherd type figures who are called Sister Brighten and Brother Dick as they chase down a werewolf who was drunk off his ass and accidentally bit someone else. They then revealed they were basically supernatural designated drivers for the whole town. I made Brighten mention that Dick’s name wasn’t even Richard. I titled it “His Favorite Brand is Grayhound”. It fit every single criteria. I got an A. I could tell she didn’t want to, because there was no comments or anything like everyone else’s, but she had to follow her own criteria.

Our third was a conjoined effort thing so I didn’t pull any fuckery there, but the fourth one was about common myths and spinning them into real or fake. One girl did the hook-handed door handle thing and the boyfriend ended up above his truck hanging (somehow???). I think someone did the age-old adage of a haunted wedding dress? I kind of read through those presentations. 

Now, I’m salty-salty at this point. I wasn’t expecting His Favorite Brand is Grayhound to get me a good grade. I half-assed a lot of it. I am in full Not Happy Teenager at this point. I grab a daddy long leg and settle in.

My fourth story of the year is “Paperskin.”

Paperskin is about a boy named Billy with the thinnest skin membrane ever. Just full on body horror. You could see his teeth behind his lips. Billy gets bored one day and wanders out of his house, tries to kick a soccer ball, and breaks a leg. As he’s laying in the grass a daddy long leg bites him- and his skin is so flimsy the fangs sink in and he dies. I’m actually still pretty proud of Paperskin. It’s a horrifying, Edgar Allen Poe of a monstrosity, but it made people squirm, which was the point. The teacher is clearly a bit unnerved at this point, but she gives me another A. 

I wrote a more “normal” story after that of a contentious objector forced to house kids going to see if any confirmed soldier deaths were any of their parents as my final one and I could feel her spite as she gave me a B.

So, yeah. That’s the story of when I tormented my creative writing teacher with The Gays and my weird ass sense of humor after she called one of my best works at that age a piece of shit.

 Here’s a google drive of these bad boys, because yes I do still have these things. I turned these fuckers in for grades, people.