#and that was so clearly what alex really wanted - because she'd never got to have that!

[taasgirl]

say something pt 1.

summary: although playing for the same club, pedri and y/n cannot stand the thought of being around each other. enemies to lovers for all my girlies out there - i got u

a/n: not proofread and all in english + more installments coming soon!!

"I told you I can't go out." Salma hadn't stopped bothering me about some party with the men's team. I had so much school to catch up on.

"Come on don't be a party pooper. You study every night and train every day." I spun my chair to face my laptop. "Seriously Y/N, it's only one night." Rolling my eyes, I continued writing my paper.

I had been at university for the past year or so, while simultaneously playing football. For Barcelona. I know, pinch me moment. But I was so determined to graduate high school, and get a degree. I wasn't going to let anything stop me.

Even if it was my dream profession.

The coaches and staff at Barcelona were very understanding, however they weren't too happy when I had to leave training early for lectures.

But I guess I make up for it, I'm the league's top goal scorer, currently on 21 in 9 games. A feat slightly unbelievable to my lecturers and classmates - they think it's insane that someone 'famous' would even bother with university, but I love journalism. Something about writing is so me. Especially topics that I love.

"Don't be a bum Y/N." Truth is, I really wanted to go, but I had already agreed to help one of my classmates with some work.

"I'm supposed to be studying with Alex." Salma instantly spun me around. "The hot one?" I didn't respond.

Alex and I had our fair share of flirty kisses and almost intimate moments, with Salma being our first and only 'fan'. Seriously her words not mine.

"Well bring him then. You two should loosen up. Literally everyone will be bringing a plus one." Now that would actually be a good idea, but he seemed like he really needed my help, and lucky for me, he didn't want to bother me so it would all be through facetime. I could study in the comfort of my bed, in my pyjamas.

"Sorry Sal, you have fun but I'm staying back." She scoffed, this happened a lot, she'd invite me, I'd reject, and then say, "You look really hot though."

"Wait so what did you write about?" I would be lying if I said this wasn't awkward. We had hooked up a few times, and yet each time we spoke to each other it was just as awkward as the last. The term 'friends with benefits' was definitely not applicable to us.

"Umm, mine's just about some of my teammates. You know, sports injuries and that sort of stuff." He smiled when I spoke.

"It's so cool knowing you." Awkward silence soon followed. "Hey uh, I'd really like to take you out. To dinner maybe? You know, when you're not busy being a professional and all that." Well I can't really reject the guy who's made me orgasm multiple times.

"Yeah sure. I'm sure we could go out after class one day." Yeah I was not going to go out with him.

After a few hours of studying with Alex I got a call from Salma. "Hey Alex, I'm getting a call, I'll message you later." Hanging up our facetime, answered Salma's call.

"How's hot boy? Have you fucked yet." She was slurring her words. Definitely off her face drunk. "Hey is this Y/N?" I replied to the voice, one of a man's. "Listen we need you to come pick Salma up, she's drunk." The boy on the other side of the phone said it almost annoyed.

"Who is this?" Immediately he replied, "Pedri. Now can you hurry? I'm sending over the address." The notification popped up on my phone, she was at a club downtown.

"I can't." Pedri didn't speak. I knew him from our minimal media interactions, but other than that, he had a reputation as a dickhead fuck boy. "What do you mean you can't?" Because I was so preoccupied with school and work, I never had the time to get my license.

"I can't drive, I don't have a license." I could almost hear him roll his eyes.

"Are you serious? How do you expect her to get home?" He was clearly pissed off. "Maybe be a gentleman and drive her home?" He groaned, obviously unwilling to do so.

"Don't put her in a cab. Drive her home, here I'm sending you the address." As soon as he received my message through Sal's phone he hung up. What a dickhead.

After about fifteen minutes, I heard loud banging at my door. Rushing over, Salma practically fell in my arms. "Y/N you won't believe the night I had." She needed to sleep, we needed to be at training by 6 tomorrow for fitness testing. I have no idea why she'd pick tonight as the time to get wasted.

"Thank you Pedri, I'll see you tomorrow." As I went to shut the door, he stuck his foot in, pushing the door wide.

"So I leave a party with beautiful women to drop your lightweight friend off, and you don't even offer me a glass of water?" His tone was condescending, as he followed me through our apartment.

"Yeah well, sorry for ruining your night." As I helped Salma into her bed, he leaned on her doorframe. "You know usually when I take a girl home it doesn't end like this." He smiled, that kind of dickhead-fuckboy smile. I didn't respond, walking under his arm as I made my way to the front door. I opened my wallet and handed him €10. "For the petrol, now please leave." I pushed the money against his chest as he scoffed. "I don't need your money." He looked me up and down. "See you later Y/N."

Salma and I successfully made our way to the Barcelona grounds, a round of water and plenty of bread slowly sobered her up.

"So how was your date with sexy classmate." I smacked her lightly. "Awkward as fuck. You'd think that someone who's seen me naked plenty of times would know how to talk to me, but I guess not." We walked past the front desk. "Morning. And it wasn't a date, just a study session."

Making our way to the changerooms, I made eye contact with a certain somebody. That certain somebody came over to us. "What do you want?" He looked at me puzzled, in a dismissive way. "Oh I'm not here to talk to you." He diverted his gaze to Salma. "You were quite the partier last night." She smiled at him, I have no idea how.

"We gotta go. Bye Pedri." I pulled Salma away from him. "You're literally gay stop making eyes at him." She looked at me as we sped walked through the hallway. "Doesn't mean a girl can't look." I rolled my eyes. I can't take this girl seriously sometimes.

By the time we had made it out to the field, everyone could tell that Sal was hungover. She wasn't hitting anywhere near her top speed and was very slow at our reaction training games.

Jonatan pulled her aside, and soon enough, she was escorted inside by our assistant coach. "Bring it in girls." I stood next to Lucy as Jonatan began a speech.

"It has come to my attention that there was a party last night." The girls began looking around at each other. "And I understand that you are young and want to have fun, but when alcohol or even drugs are involved, it becomes a problem for the club." Lucy looked down at me.

"I need you to all be aware of what you're doing. You are professional footballers, and now is not the time to be partying let alone drinking." The girls started to whisper to each other.

"And I especially need you to look after the kids here. They're young and vulnerable. If you see them in a less than ideal situation, you need to help them out." Jonatan didn't raise his voice, one of the reasons why he has been my favourite coach. "Now get back out there."

Training was tense, and by the time we had arrived inside Salma was lying on one of the physio beds fast asleep. "Sal are you alright?" She groaned, covering her face. "Lucy said she'd drive you home, but I really need to get to class." I gave her a quick hug before I headed for the showers and prepared myself before class.

It's hard being a student-athlete, or an athlete-student depending on how you look at it. As I left the building I saw Gavi standing outside.

"Hey Pablo." He turned around, immediately hugging me. Gavi was my first friend here in Barca when I joined the academy, and although we haven't kept in contact as much, I still consider him one of my best friends.

"Looking good Y/N. You off to school?" I nodded, signalling to my laptop bag clutched in my hand. "You're seriously the hardest worker I know." After a short conversation a car pulled up to the kerb. A short honk alerted us.

"Get in Gavi. Y/N." Hey, at least he didn't dismiss me. "Can Y/N come, we just need to drop her off at the uni. It's down the road." Before I could reject Gavi's idea, Pedri spoke up. "Yeah no. Come Pablo." Gavi didn't get in the car.

"Seriously Pepi, let her come with us. It'll be a short trip." Soon enough, Pedri agreed, unlocking the back door for me.

Pedri didn't speak the entire ride, and even though it was short, I felt completely unwelcomed. By the time we had arrived on campus, Pedri drove right to the communications building. I thanked him, and stepped out of the car.

As I began to walk away from the car a familiar voice called out to me. "Y/N wait up!" Alex ran up to me, and immediately pulled me in for a hug. I could feel Pedri and Gavi's eyes on me, the car hadn't moved.

"Thanks for the help last night." We walked into the building together and found our seats.

After a boring three hour lecture, I quickly made my way down to the exit. "Y/N wait up." I spun around, facing Alex. "Is now an alright time to ask you to lunch?" I could help but blush. Now normally I would've politely declined, but I am so unbelievably hungry, so I agreed.

"As long as you're driving I'm up." He smiled and brought me to his car.

"I told you that class boy was your guy!" Sal yelled at me after being dropped home by Alex. "When you aren't preoccupied by the dick-"

"Yuck don't say that Sal!"

"It's true, see he's a good guy. Hot too."

I pushed a pillow to her face. She was really too much sometimes. We were sat on the couch, relaxing until it was time to sleep. She was telling me about this incredible girl from last night when I heard a knock on the door. I got up and answered it. To my surprise Pedri was standing there.

"Uh, um you left this in my car." He handed me over an unfamiliar plastic bag, but after a quick look inside, I could tell that it was my sports bra and socks from training.

"Oh yeah, um thanks." We stood there awkwardly in the frame of the door until Salma came up. "Left them in his car huh?"

Pedri immediately tried to speak but his mumbles were cut off by Salma. "Leaving your clothes in one guys car and then going out with a different guy the same day is truly boss energy." Pedri looked at me concerned.

"He and Gavi drove me to class ok, so let's get inside. Thank you Pedri, I really appre-" "Come in Pepi! Take a seat." Salma cut me off and ushered him in. Looking down at me, he made his way to my seat on the couch.

"You know what guys, I'm actually gonna head to bed." Salma pouted at me. "Come on, it's only for a few minutes." I shook my head and went into my room, grabbing my clothes so I could take a quick shower.

By the time I finished my shower, I could still hear Pedri and Salma talking. I wrapped a towel around myself and made my way to my room. That was of course, until I bumped into him.

"Maybe look where you're going next time." He said to me, a look of disgust plastered on his face. "Get the fuck out of my house." He laughed.

"Yeah cause this two room apartment is a house. You seriously need to get a life." I pushed past him, opening my door. "Oh and maybe you should try and be welcoming for once. God knows it'll do you a world of good." I slammed the door after hearing his comment. I have no idea why I even gave him the time of day.

He's such a piece of shit. I'm literally a university student who also happens to be a footballer - a women's one at that. I have no choice but to live in a shitty apartment with my teammate. I don't have the type of money he has.

pls let me know if you like this! i'll update as often as possible and pls give me some requests! i'll write about anyone (m+f)!! thank you!

part two!

[alovesreading]

Constant Repeat | Part 16

Summary: Having worked at Focus Creeps for a year, Ella knows that as a production assistant and part of the crew, there’s one important rule: don’t interact with the talent unless it’s needed. But once she meets Arctic Monkeys, and the recording of the music videos for their upcoming fourth studio album starts, the band seem to become her exception. Not only because they treat her more like a friend than just someone else they’re working with but when Alex continuously makes her blush with his flirting, so enthralled by her that he forgets he’s got a girlfriend, Ella finds herself growing closer to him. As videos are filmed, wrapped and edited, the friendship lines become blurry. Situations unfold, secrets are told and others are kept under lock and key, but how long can Alex and Ella endure being stuck in each other’s minds on constant repeat.

Word Count: 22.7k

Story Warnings: Throughout this series there will be suggestive talk, jealousy, cheating, alcohol and drug use, angst, smut.

A/N: Firstly, I wanted to thank you all for your patience and your support, but I still wanted to apologise again for taking so long to update. So much has happened in the past month but in between the tears and all the stress, I'm so happy to still find a comforting escape in writing. This one is a bit shorter than the last one but we're finally getting to those bits of the story that I wrote at the very beginning and I'm just stoked to finally dive into it in detail and with all that this story has come to be. Enjoy!! xx

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 |

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(13/01/2014 06:43) I can't believe you're cheating on me like that and actually telling me...

Alex chuckled at her dramatics when he checked his phone about half an hour after he'd sent that first picture. It was a quick one he'd snapped of the set they were currently at, a big carpeted living room with Matt's drum kit settled at the very end of it, Nick's bass and Jamie's guitar in their stands on their usual places and a mic stand right in the middle where Alex was meant to stand.

There were clearly a few big lights on the sides of the room and a big camera on someone's hands just off frame that picked at Ella's curiosity when she opened the picture the second she woke up.

So she'd asked where he was and, about ten minutes later, Alex had so easily answered, 'Recording the Arabella music video x' that Ella's jaw dropped and she stood in shock for a fair few minutes before sending that dramatic text back.

Alex snickered to himself, and tuning out the way Jake instructed the crowd in the room around them for the next scene they were about to record, he kept his focus on his phone to continue chatting to Ella.

(13/01/2014 06:58) In my defense, we were told we had this arranged last week and there's nothing I could do about it x

(13/01/2014 06:59) Yeah, sure, that's what they all say.

(13/01/2014 06:59) Darling...

(13/01/2014 06:59) Alexander?

(13/01/2014 07:00) Stop. Not the full name :(

(13/01/2014 07:00) Yes, the full name because you've got some audacity Mister.

(13/01/2014 07:00) Are you angry at me? :(

(13/01/2014 07:01) It's not really your fault but it doesn't mean I'm not giving you the cold shoulder after this.

(13/01/2014 07:01) Ella! That's not fair :((

(13/01/2014 07:01) Yeah, well. Life isn't fair, is it?? Who is this director anyway? Better be a good one or else...

(13/01/2014 07:01) Jake Nava. I hope it's enough to never explore that 'or else' x

(13/01/2014 07:01) Fuck of!!!!! Jake Nava?!?!?!? As in Jake Nava who's directed a bunch of Beyonce and Britney Spears music videos?!?!?

(13/01/2014 07:02) I think so? They mentioned him working with Tina Turner and the Stones too x

(13/01/2014 07:02) Okay, yes. Fucking hell. Should've started with that Alex.

(13/01/2014 07:02) You're funny x

(13/01/2014 07:03) I can hear you rolling your eyes from here sweets x You're forgiven but you better make it up to me, I miss you xx

(13/01/2014 07:03) You know I already am trying to figure something out x We have another single that's missing a music video anyway so... Miss you too darling, so much xx

'Arabella' was the second to last single that was going to be put out by March before their last, 'Snap Out Of It', which had been chosen to be put out by the middle of the year. Now that the 'Arabella' music video had already been taken care of, Alex tried steering the band's team into calling for Focus Creeps' help for the music video for Snap.

It took some convincing, since the lads were still on tour until mid February where they'd have their last show somewhere in the Midwest of the States, but they figured the video could be conceptualized to be recorded without the need of the lads being there. The Brit Awards were just a couple days after the last show of the tour so, the band needed to be on British soil as soon as possible.

Ella and Ben had come up with a good idea for the video so that the lads were involved in the footage but not have to be present on set: they'd use the concept from the recording of AM and portray some sort of breakup scenario between the actress they'd have to hire for the job and Alex. That way, Domino Records could also use the video to announce the AM recording documentary coming out before the Australia/New Zealand tour in May.

Brilliant. It was really a brilliant idea but Alex needed to see her. There was no way he'd be able to hold up until June, when they'd headline Bonnaroo, for him to see Ella. Over six months was way too long and he needed to do something about it.

Alex managed to convince his manager, with just two weeks of anticipation before the day the music video was meant to be recorded, that going to Los Angeles to be present during the recording of the 'Snap Out Of It' was a good idea. He had already bought his ticket before getting the greenlight, thinking it would be fine if he just snuck away from his responsibilities for less than a full day.

Thankfully, after he got the approval, the days had seemed to fly by. Before he knew it, he was bidding farewell to the lively crowd of Saint Louis, Missouri and almost dashing off the stage just to make sure he was closer to seeing her soon.

The guys had laughed seeing him hastily walk away from them at the airport, rushing to get to the horrendously long security line at almost two in the morning whilst the lads took their time to go around the airport for some food and coffee since their flight wouldn't leave until a five in the morning.

The flight from Saint Louis to Los Angeles wasn't that long, merely four hours, but every minute seemed to elongate the more Alex stared at the clock as he waited for the rest of the passengers to board the plane. When they were finally up in the air, he found himself getting more nervous to see Ella again. In his head, he imagined himself flipping through the pages of the scrapbook she'd given him, the one that was in his suitcase so he couldn't exactly get it at that very moment.

Eventually, he fell asleep, all the energy that had lingered in his body after the show had run out and a few hours later, he was being woken up by the voice of the pilot announcing they'd be landing shortly.

Eight in the morning in LAX was an absolute headache, especially avoiding the paparazzi that seemed to perpetually find their places around the arrivals gate, and getting a damn taxi, but he would carry the burden of it all since it meant he was closer to surprising Ella. She had no idea he was coming, he had purposely kept that to himself but he'd had to tell Ben so that he could give him the address for the house they were filming at.

He hated that he couldn't properly stay, not when the Brits were due in three days and they had to rehearse for their presentation. His manager had already warned him against suddenly staying and missing the event; it would look bad if they pulled out of their spot in the show at the last minute, especially when they were nominated for multiple awards.

His flight back to London was later that night, meaning he'd only be able to stay to see Ella and Ben recording the video and then he'd have to go back to the airport. He hoped that by the time he had to go, the video was wrapped up and Ella could have some time with him—even if it was just to say a proper goodbye.

Twenty minutes after walking out through the arrivals gate, he got picked up by a taxi and the drive over to the set was meant to be about forty minutes long. It ended up being over an hour thanks to Los Angeles traffic, which was weird for it being Sunday morning, but not surprising nonetheless.

Ben opened the back door for Alex and after a quick greeting, the singer carefully carried his case up the concrete stairs and into the house, setting it down softly in a corner of the kitchen so that no one heard him coming in. He wished he had recorded it all because when Ella turned around, once Ben had walked back into the living room where everything was set up, and saw Alex, she shrieked and ran towards him.

"What are you doing here?!" She said quickly and breathlessly, like the impact from crashing into his chest and being wrapped in his arms had stolen all the oxygen from her lungs.

He couldn't even find words, not when his smile was so big on his face now that he had her in his arms again. She pulled back, her eyes swimming all over his face as if to make sure he was real, her hands clutching onto his shoulders tightly.

"Oh my god, what are you doing here?" She whispered this time, entirely in shock of it all.

"I had to make it up to you." He shrugged nonchalantly, but the glimmer in his eyes showed the intent behind his presence there.

She smiled brightly, her eyes creasing at the corners in a way that had Alex swooning, "Oh you sure did."

Ella leaned in quickly to press a kiss on his cheek, his eyes closing instantly in bliss at the feeling of her lips on his skin, and then she let go of him because catching a glimpse of Ben standing there with a massive smirk on his face reminded her of the amount of people present in the room and watching their interaction.

"Alright, back to work everyone!" She clapped her hands twice to get everyone's focus away from what had just happened and to lighten the mood and avoid any questions, she joked,  "Boss is here now, gotta make sure it's perfect for him." Cheekily, she turned slightly to look at Alex and winked before turning back to Lydia and going back to work.

Before going back to the scene they'd been shooting, Ella introduced Alex to Stephanie Sigman who was playing the main girl in the music video. They laughed about the state in which she was while meeting the singer, clad in just a pencil skirt and a lace bralette with her makeup all purposely ruined from the tears she'd been uncontrollably shedding for the video.

Alex stepped back and admired Ella and Ben working their magic, appreciating every bit of her concentration and mentally pointing out the little quirks she had as she worked that he'd managed to catch throughout the years.

His smile didn't leave his face the whole time, even more so when he watched the multiple clips Ella had gotten of them recording the album playing on the TV. His stomach doing somersaults inside him when he saw how he smiled at Ella behind the camera in those clips, and he was almost sure that if anyone saw him right then, they would've found him blushing and grinning like an absolute fool.

He was a mess for her, always had been. And that became even clearer to him each day.

An hour must've gone by and Alex was entirely entranced by Ella. He'd felt someone's stare burning on the skin of the side of his neck and when he turned to see who it was, he found Ella's PA, Lydia, staring at him. Only giving her an embarrassed smile back, he prayed she hadn't noticed the way he couldn't peel his gaze off Ella.

He'd gone a bit further away from where everything was set up so that Lydia couldn't catch him again, and he grabbed a water bottle from the kitchen counter to appear casual as he continued watching the crew work.

It was a task tuning his own voice out as time passed, as the song kept repeating over and over, or was fast forwarded or skipped back to a certain point. So he pulled out his phone to update his manager, who in exchange reminded him that his flight left around ten in the evening so he'd have to be at the airport by seven or even a bit earlier, considering how busy LAX got. Alex had gotten so absorbed by the conversation that he didn't notice Ben taking over and letting Ella wander away for a bit.

The speakers blasted the song all over again, making Ella sway her hips softly to it. She mumbled the lyrics under her breath as she walked up to Alex and when she stood beside him, she nudged him gently with her hip and smirked, "This is a banging tune."

Alex smirked back, pocketing his phone and not answering his manager's last text about whether or not he needed a ride to the airport to look at her and then back to where Ben was working his magic with the camera, "Oh well," he shrugged nonchalantly, "You're a great muse."

A weight lifted off his shoulders after finally confessing that to her, and he could only hope that it would push things forward. Maybe with this she'd realize there were many songs about her in the record than she'd thought. He knew she knew 'Arabella' was about her, he'd managed to scoop it out of Flo, and though he hoped her reaction to it was much different now, he still wanted her to know of the songs that were for her in AM.

Ella didn't even have time to think of a response because her mind had gone blank for a few seconds and,  when she managed to gather her bearings, she heard her name being called by Ben to help him with a shot in which he was using the projector.

What the fuck?

With the new piece of knowledge, Ella found herself analyzing every line of the song as the recording continued and it was entirely her fault when she messed up a few takes from how distracted she was.

She didn't even know what to say when Alex told everyone he'd ordered lunch, after he'd ask Lydia when they'd planned for the lunch break to happen, and when everyone sat happily around the place, chatting and enjoying the lovely Italian food Alex had ordered, Ella was oddly silent.

Ben and Alex were engaged in lively conversation and Ella was just standing there, a few feet away from Alex, stuffing her face with the spinach ravioli bolognese that he'd of course gotten just for her. She'd wanted to run to a room in the house and scream into a pillow when he handed her the plate, along with a wink that had almost made her knees buckle.

If Alex had written this song about her, then which other ones could also be about or for her? Ella found herself trying hard to think about each lyric in each song but her brain was a mush. She'd have to listen to the album on the way home and think hard to figure out if the songs she'd even manage to have a feeling were about her, weren't just her reaching and attributing it to herself in confusion.

But first, she needed to finish recording the music video.

Slowly but surely, Ben and Ella wrapped up the shoot around half past three and it took them all about an hour to pack everything up in the small bus so that they could go back to the office.

Ben helped Alex put his suitcase in the back along with some of their camera cases and when he went inside the vehicle, Ella had called him to sit beside her. There was so much going around inside her mind, endless questions that she wanted to ask but with everyone around and the fear of bursting the bubble that they were in, she stayed quiet and chose to just rest her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes and sighing in bliss when she was enveloped by the scent of him.

"Missed you." She mumbled after she felt him kiss the top of her head, warmth seeping through her pores and a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

Alex hummed, resting his head over hers and closing his eyes to just revel in the moment, "Missed you more."

They fell asleep like that, the million words that formed a tornado in their heads being dulled down by the feeling of having each other close again.

Almost an hour later, they arrived at the office and Ella knew it from the way Alex's face contorted when he looked at the time on his phone that he had to go soon. She picked up her bag from her desk and turned off her computer quickly, doing a quick sweep of her office to check that she wasn't forgetting something and then she looked back at him.

He was about to say something, but in a desperate moment to have him for a little longer, she suggested, "I can drive you to the airport if you'd like."

He hesitated for a split second, knowing it would be a far longer ride because of it being rush hour, but the prospect of spending that time sitting in traffic beside her was way better than in the backseat of a taxi.

Alex nodded, "Sure, but I can drive." He had seen her yawn multiple times the past few minutes, "You're knackered darling."

"You sure?" She asked but she genuinely wanted to agree to his suggestion, he didn't wanna drive at all for the rest of the day.

The singer hummed, extending his hand out to her and she handed him the keys with a soft smile.

"Right, let's go." She nodded once, walking around her desk and intertwining their fingers to leave the place.

Ella couldn't care less about the glances they got as they waved everyone goodbye, all of them very obviously staring at their hands.

Alex's case rolled beside him as they walked out and he swiftly put it in the trunk of Ella's car when they got to it. Ella had almost run to sit on the passenger seat as soon as he opened the car and he'd laughed to himself at the eagerness on her face.

When he got into the passenger car, he took the piss out of her for her seat arrangement. She scoffed and ignored him, and then he looked up and saw that little mirrorball with a little cowboy hat perched on top and he smiled brightly.

"I missed seeing this." He admitted, bringing his finger up to poke at it and the thing started swinging softly and the reflection of the sun on it was like glitter inside Ella's car.

Ella smiled at it, "So pretty, isn't it?" She yawned yet again, behind her hand as she buckled her seatbelt and then got comfortable in her seat, almost like she was going to fall asleep. "M'gonna get you one when I go back home."

Alex started the car with a smile, finding the way she sleepily slurred her words incredibly endearing and he listened to her slurred words for another fifteen minutes as she guided him out onto the highway.

After she'd fallen asleep, Alex found himself enjoying every minute in that car. He didn't care that the traffic had made the journey over an hour long, because he spent it hearing her soft snores and catching glimpses of the pout on her relaxed face, covered by her hair that she blew softly with every exhale.

With a soft squeeze and rubs on her thigh, Alex woke her up slowly as they got closer to the airport. She'd slowly woken up from her slumber, blinking languidly and yawning before she gathered where they were and brushed her hair away from her face as she stretched out in her place.

"Good morning sunshine." Alex joked with a grin on his face, and Ella blushed at the pet name she hadn't expected.

"Hi." She said shyly, continuing to brush her fingers through her hair to detangle it and then diving into her bag to get a piece of gum and pop it in her mouth.

They had to go all the way to level five to find a parking spot and when they walked out of the car, they were hit by the cold winds of February and the loudness of the place. Ella took out a jacket she kept in the boot of her car and put it on, but despite that, Alex still wrapped his arm around her shoulder and clutched her tightly to him as they walked through the parking lot and onto the lifts so they could go down three levels and into the building so Alex could check-in.

There was a long line to the check-in counters and there were so many people at the airport that the noise around them started making them anxious. It didn't help at all that there were so many paparazzi around the place, so Alex kept his sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose for as long as he could and quietly chatted to Ella as they waited so as not to bring attention to themselves.

Alex only lifted his sunglasses when he got to the counter, Ella's hand tightly clutched in his and he would only let go when he needed to hand in his passport and show his phone with the confirmation number, intertwining their fingers again the second he had his right hand free.

Ella bit her bottom lip to try not to stupidly smile every time, but a grin fought her attempts every time and she freely let herself show how happy his touch made her.

Her smile only faltered when the woman behind the counter asked for Ella's ticket and passport and she had to sadly say she wasn't going with Alex. And only to add to the blooming despair, when the woman checked in Alex's bag and handed him his boarding pass, she let them know that he needed to hurry up because he'd only have a bit over an hour to get through security and get to his gate.

Knowing how LAX got at that time of the day, the lack of any time left together hit them both at the same time and they flashed forced smiles at the woman before thanking her and walking away. Alex hoped that putting his sunglasses back on would help conceal the sadness shining through his eyes.

Walking towards the security line, the looming goodbye weighed heavy on their chests and seeing more and more people joining the back of the line as they approached it only made it worse.

"You really need to get in that line now." Ella sighed heavily, her words coming out pained because she hated having to be reasonable when she didn't want to be.

Alex hummed mindlessly, not really wanting to take her advice into consideration. He cursed having had to agree to performing on the Brits to begin with, he couldn't care less about any good promo for the record or if being invited on stage meant they were assured to win one of the categories they'd been nominated for. Whatever award it was, he'd surely put it away in a box later—he wanted to stay, and he wanted Ella.

His pace slowed as they continued walking, like he was convincing himself more and more of ditching his responsibilities for her. But Ella walked ahead of him, hands still intertwined so he had no other option than to match her pace and follow until they finally stood in the back of the line.

Alex looked at her with a pout, one that she matched but her words came out in an effort to soothe them both, "It's fine. I'll see you soon, yeah?"

Ella scooted a bit closer to his side, and rested her head on his shoulder. Alex wrapped his arm around her waist and kept her close to him, letting his head rest over her head with a deep sigh.

"Yeah." He replied softly, his accent thick and warm as it reached her ears and it almost had her shivering, "Bonnaroo will be fun."

At that, she slowly picked her head up and showed the massive grin that brought to her face, "It will be. I cannot fucking wait."

Even in the most mundane of settings, she looked breathtaking and Alex wanted nothing more than to cup her face and crash their lips together. Not a care in the world that they were in front of the largest crowd, none of them knew just how badly his chest hurt to think about having to leave her yet again.

His eyes dropped to her lips and Ella's breath hitched in her throat at the clear sight of it. In a panic, she changed the subject, "Are you going straight to rehearsal when you get back?" It wasn't that she didn't want that, it was that she didn't know if she could take it. If she could have another taste without wanting to drop to the floor and plead for him to stay.

Alex cleared his throat as he nodded, "Yeah, I land in the morning so I'm probably going straight to the venue."

"When is it again? I need to find a way to watch it." She doubted there could be a way to, she'd most likely would have to be looking through YouTube to find their performance and who were the winners.

"Wednesday night." He frowned slightly trying to search through his mind for a way that would let her watch the show but when he couldn't come up with anything, he promised, "If I can figure out a way for you to watch live, I'll let you know darling."

She hummed, satisfied with that answer, "Thank you sweetness."

They stood in silence then, close to each other and relishing in the warmth each other brought them as the line slowly moved forward. There was only a bit further that she could accompany him in line, she knew that she'd be bothering everyone behind them if she decided to stay with Alex up until it was his turn, and the officer standing by the entrance would ask her for a ticket to make sure only passengers went through, so she'd have to leave as soon as he walked past the glass fence that separated the security check area from the rest of the space.

So it was only a little over ten minutes that Ella stood beside him, before she had to make the decision of peeling herself away from him and actually saying goodbye.

She didn't want to and it was clear in the way the words struggle to slip past her lips. Her frown appeared softly on her face and it deepened as the farewell rose up her throat.

"I need to leave the queue now, sweets." A pout on her face that tied with her furrowed brows made him want to just take her with him, "They're gonna ask for my ticket and everyone behind me will be annoyed I'm taking space in the line when I'm not even leaving."

Alex scoffed at the idea, "Fuck them." He mumbled softly only for her to hear and she chuckled at the firmness of his words.

Turning so that her chest would be flush against his, she wrapped her arms around his neck and held him in a tight embrace. Her eyes fluttered close, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone behind them and it helped her trying to commit the feeling of being in his arms to memory.

Ella heard him hum in bliss and the soft sound stole a smile from her, one that made the apples of her cheeks rise and tint with a faint pink hue that he got to see when she pulled away.

They were so close though, sharing breaths as they took in each other's faces. She wanted to see the brown of his eyes one last time before he left, so she delicately brought her hands to the sides of his face to prop the glasses up on the top of his head. Her smile only got bigger when she saw the richness of color in front of her, his pupils dilating ever so slightly at the action.

Words failed her, she didn't really know what she should've said but nothing came out, every syllable stuck in the back of her throat when her fingers slowly dragged down the skin of his cheeks, a rush of something that felt like a shock to her system when she felt his stubble beneath the pads of her fingers.

She knew she should've asked if it was alright, if she could give into the temptation but she didn't. Ella just closed the distance and finally ended their agony, the feeling of her soft lips on his had Alex inhaling sharply, fingers digging on her waist and pulling her impossibly close.

It was her that hummed this time, when he took over and guided the sweet kiss. It wasn't desperate like they would've expected and it was probably because of the amount of people surrounding them, but it was just what they needed. Like some sort of comfort, a promise of what could become if they would just give into it all, maybe not right then but soon.

And soon couldn't come fast enough.

The kiss didn't last long, but Alex knew that wasn't deliberate just from how firmly she was cupping his jaw. Just as firm as he was holding her waist, not wanting her to move from that spot at all. But she pulled back with a soft smile, her eyes swimming all over his face as if in search of a clear answer and her heart soared in her chest when he leaned back in for another brief kiss.

One that she broke yet again, but he followed with a string of pecks that made her giggle.

But her giggles were interrupted by the man standing behind them clearing his throat, making Alex and Ella turn to look ahead of them and that's when they noticed everyone was waiting for them to follow ahead with the moving line of people.

"Sorry." Ella apologized for the both of them, not really meaning it because she was elated, though her elation was simmering down into a bittersweet feeling at the fact that they were about to move right into the entrance of the security area and it meant that she had to leave.

Alex walked quickly up to where he had to stand, and unfortunately, he found what Ella had said would happen to be right because the officer asked for her ticket and when she awkwardly admitted to not having one, she was asked to step out of the queue.

Thankfully, the officer opened up the railing for her to easily walk out without having to bother everyone behind Alex.

Ella didn't instantly listen though, because she quickly turned back to Alex and cupped his jaw again to pull him in for a quick peck before she said, "See you soon, okay? Love you sweets."

He didn't even have time to reply because she was gone in a matter of seconds and he couldn't even take his time to follow her path with his gaze because the officer rushed him forward and into one of the aisles.

Suddenly, the line started moving faster now that he was in the aisle and he was rushed through. Ella stayed up until he grabbed his belongings and he turned to briefly wave at her, mouthing a quick 'love you' before he was ushered to leave the area by one of the officers that had just cleared him through the scanner.

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Despite being incredibly giddy on her way back home, the long tedious hours she spent by herself while she waited for Alex to text her that he'd landed had been plagued by a storm of thoughts that pushed her into the most pessimistic of states.

Ella knew that if he'd gone for a second kiss then that'd mean something, but she had no idea how to approach the situation at all. They wouldn't see each other until June, four months being apart surely made her courage waver like a house of cards out in the open. Did she even want to properly think about all that she felt when it came to him when she knew there wasn't much at all that they could do about it at that very moment?

It just seemed horrifying and cruel, and Ella had no idea what to do. So she made the decision to let Alex be the one to make the first move, let that be the clear sign that it was something reciprocated.

A stupid decision really, because Alex was just as conflicted about it. He had thought about it the whole flight, falling asleep eventually and dreaming of being able to see her again and just kiss her until their lips were swollen and they had to gasp out for air continuously, dreaming of telling her how she drove him crazy and how he didn't want it any other way.

The kisses shared at the airport were never a topic they touched when they texted after he left. And at first, it was clear that they were walking on eggshells around each other, like they were trying to sway the conversation in that direction but neither of them committed to it. Until Ella took the full day of texts without a mention of the kisses as a sign that it wasn't something he was thinking of and she forced herself to text him like she normally would, Alex following her lead and leaving his unshared thoughts in the back of his head.

When the Brits day arrived, Alex had let her know she could watch the official stream of it on YouTube. He'd comically said, "I haven't a clue of what that means really but that's what Steve told us." She'd cackled at that and called him a grandad, finishing the call wishing them good luck.

She'd wanted to scream when she saw the lads walking onto the red carpet, but she couldn't because she was hidden away in her office with her earphones on after having excused herself for her lunch break. She'd asked Lydia to postpone the two meetings she had later that day so that she could get away with watching the entire award show without interruptions.

And it had been fun, watching the lads perform 'R U Mine?' with the massive AM blazing trails in the other stage. She was amazed at the grandiosity of it all, and she couldn't begin to imagine how hot it must've gotten in that venue due to the fire.

They all looked so good, despite the very different attire they had on. And she was, of course, very biased when she thought just how stunning Alex looked—with that metallic green blazer over a black button down, that he had the top open to showcase the golden chain he always wore, black jeans and his hair styled the usual way.

Whilst the rest of the show went ahead, she mindlessly listened to it in the background as she replied to emails. It wasn't until the 'British Group' category was announced that she went back to put her whole focus on the stream and she squeaked in excitement when Lily Allen announced the Monkeys were the winners.

Ella went from chuckling stupidly at Alex's smolder to cooing over Jamie and Katie sharing a peck, just like Matt and Bre did, to then snort out loud when Alex started his speech. Her snort morphed into a string of giggles that ended in a cackle when he said the last sentence, and she shook her head entirely amused watching them walk back to their table.

Yet, she hadn't expected to laugh even louder when the next category they'd been nominated to came on, Album of the Year, and they won again—this time she'd thought Alex would actually give out a speech about the record but she was comically surprised with an improvised rant about rock 'n' roll that even the lads were giggling about behind the singer.

The way he had to mute his own cursing while thanking everyone had her in stitches already but it was the sudden mic drop by the end of it that made her have to cover her mouth with her hand so she didn't laugh louder than needed.

When she caught her breath back, she reached for her phone and typed a quick message to take the piss out of him for it all.

(19/02/2014 14:06) You're so fucking funny. That speech was something else and the mic drop just brought it all together. Congratulations you clown, so proud of y'all xxxx

She'd gone back to work after she sent that text and eagerly waited for his response, one that came when she was about to exit her office and that had her smiling like an idiot.

(19/02/2014 14:19) I might be a tad tipsy but I'm glad you enjoyed it, love xxx And thank you darling, love you so much xxxxxx Wish you were here :((( xxxxx

That 'love' had assured that her loopy smile stuck on her face for the rest of the day and she had ended up laughing at herself because of the stupid effect he had on her.

She felt pathetic in the best way possible.

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By the time the end of February rolled around, Ella had gotten a nice surprise.

Alice was in Los Angeles to record some songs for Pale Waves' sophomore album and Ella was honestly excited to have a friend over on her side of the pond after being away from everyone for so long.

Pale Waves had stopped touring with AM after the holiday break ended, so that they could focus on finishing their album and Alice had gotten a massive opportunity to travel to LA to work with one of her favorite producers.

The singer had let Ella know a few days before she was due to land on American soil and Ella had made sure to align her schedule to Alice's so that at least they could hang out once or twice while she was there.

It had been on the 26th that Alice had a free day so Ella had taken the day off from work to take Alice around the city and catch up. The girls hadn't seen each other in so long and they only texted ever so often so a lengthy chat was pending.

That was all it really was to Ella: catching up with a friend and making sure that she enjoyed her stay in the city. Nothing more.

Ella had picked her up in the morning and they'd had a lovely breakfast at a cafe by the beach, coffee and pastries shared over mainly work talk. They walked over to the beach and sat down as they watched surfers take on the cold water to ride some waves and Alice let her listen to some demos she had brought to work on when she got there, and a few songs she and her band had already finished.

After they'd spent a fair few hours there, and the sun started bothering them, Ella guided them back to her car and took her to a place she'd recently grown to love more than before: Sunken City.

Yes, it was prohibited to be there and she was risking police fines every time she went but the beauty of the ruins was unmatched and she figured Alice deserved to see a place like it, Ella knew she'd enjoy it.

They'd had to look for a parking spot a bit far away from the place and act very casually as they walked towards the ruins.

Both girls acknowledged the few people there with a tilt of their chins and a soft smile came to their faces when they saw the strangers there doing just what they both were planning on doing, smoking.

Alice had rolled a pair of joints in the car before they walked out to make their way to the intriguing place, and they were planning on carefully trekking around to find a good spot and smoke for a bit before Ella had to drop Alice off back at the hotel she was staying at.

"What was this then?" Alice asked, intrigued by the graffiti on the sides of big rocks that looked humanly impossible to have been put together.

Ella had Alice's hand in hers as she guided them both around, taking careful steps since she knew slipping and falling over would end up poorly, the other arm stretched out to the side so she'd have some help with her balance.

It was good Alice had decided to change her usual platform heeled boots for some flat doc martens that were much safer in this situation.

"This used to be part of the neighborhood back in the 1920s, but there was a landslide in '29 that took a bunch of the houses here into the ocean and people had to relocate." Ella explained softly as she focused on the last few feet she had to get to her favorite spot there.

When she reached it, she carefully pulled Alice closer and sat down at the edge of the tall flat rock first before she could help Alice sit down next to her. The shoulders almost pressed together, their thighs brushing against each other.

"After people moved away, they demolished what was left of the houses and nature just left this after decades." With quickness, Ella took the lighter from her jeans pocket and offered it to Alice. The singer had the joints in her possession so she took them out and offered one of them to Ella, placing the other one between her lips and lighting it up before giving Ella the cowboy boot shaped trinket back.

Ella lit her joint alive and took a long drag, watching Alice take in every bit of the view as she let out the smoke she'd inhaled. "Isn't it gorgeous?" The sky was changing due to the sun coming down to rest on the horizon, a soft orange and pink coming to life behind clouds and it was a promise of a picture perfect sunset to come soon.

Alice hummed, it was eerie yet stunning. Trying to make out the street art on the ruins was becoming distracting as the weed started relaxing her system, her eyes catching the rusted spray paint cans discarded in between the creases of the rocks.

"You come here often?" Alice frowned when she realized how familiar Ella seemed with the place and it honestly surprised her because Ella didn't seem like the type to frequent places like this. Especially not when a huge 'no trespassing' sign welcomed you into the place.

Ella chuckled in amusement at her clear confusion, and took another drag before she answered, "I do now, yeah. I had only driven past twice before but one of my friends from work managed to convince me to come here to take some pictures at the start of the year and after he taught me how and when to come in without getting caught by the police, I've been coming here to clear my head."

Alice snickered in amusement, lifting her joint and waving it briefly in the air to mock, "Clear your head, yeah?"

Rolling her eyes and turning to look straight at Alice, Ella scoffed, "Shut up. You do just the same to clear your head."

Alice cocked her head at Ella's raised brow that felt like a challenge to refute her words. The singer only shrugged with a low chuckle, placing the spliff back between her lips to inhale and a smirk formed on her face after she let the smoke out.

"Amongst other things." Alice teased, her pupils dilating as she stared right into Ella's eyes and she purposely let her gaze drop to her lips.

Ella knew exactly what she was doing, so she smirked to herself and replied with a sarcastic, "Yeah, I'm sure." as if she was fully disinterested.

But Alice made Ella's breath hitch in her throat when she confidently let her hand come over Ella's clothed thigh and squeezed as she said, "You know."

She squirmed in her place when a rush of heat tingled all the way down her spine, nodding mindlessly when she replied, "I do."

Her eyes fell on Alice's lips and she gulped at the proximity they found themselves in. The magnetism Alice had was something that Ella couldn't really explain.

"You really do." Alice added, leaning closer into Ella's space.

Their lips brushed once, Alice teasing Ella with a taste of the feeling of their lips together again and Ella was finally the one to fully close the distance. It had been a while since they'd shared a kiss so Ella's memories of back then flashed to the forefront of her mind in a split second, like the singular touch of their tongues melting together was enough of a deja vu to undo a box of memories that reeled through her mind like a film.

It didn't take long until they started being vocal, gasps for air and soft moans that they swallowed, and it all encouraged them to use their free hands for something. Alice let her hand wander up Ella's thigh until she got closer to her heat and she silently instructed Ella to open her legs. All while Ella rubbed up and down Alice's silky skin, feeling the goosebumps that broke on it from their kiss and cheekily letting her fingers wander to the insides of her thighs and up until she hit the hem of her shorts, only to make Alice a bit louder.

However, all of the sudden, as if her brain was begging her to remember, the memory of the kiss she'd shared with Alex at the airport managed its way through and made her stop.

Ella had pulled Alice slowly until the singer had lifted herself up and was about to straddle her when Ella harshly pulled back and broke the kiss, hurriedly saying, "Allie– No. I can't."

Alice saw the way the color drained from Ella's face and she quickly sat back down beside her, a frown taking over her expression and she genuinely asked Ella, "Are you okay?"

In Ella's brain there was a horrendous turmoil that had shook her. A heavy weight of guilt came down on her chest and almost made her wheeze out for a breath. She nodded as she struggled to get herself together, her words came out choked out thanks to her dry mouth and throat, "Erm, yeah. I just– I'm sorry."

She felt the need to apologize because, after all, she had been the one to start the kiss. But Alice wouldn't have that, so she shook her head and brushed Ella's hair behind her ear and shoulder, "Ella, don't apologize." She kissed her shoulder softly in reassurance and smiled sweetly at her to add, "You don't owe me a thing, no need to apologize."

"It's just, I–" Ella tried to explain, but she didn't know how to even begin to put the mess of thoughts together into coherent sentences.

Alice shook her head once more and with her hand coming back to rest over her leg, this time she let it innocently rub soothing circles on her skin as she continued calming her down, "You don't have to explain anything to me baby, it's okay."

The singer could almost hear the erratic thumping of Ella's heart because of how quiet the director had gotten. The dancing of the waves on the shore took over, as well as the birds flying over them and the chatter of the strangers they'd walked past earlier.

"Don't go quiet on me, it's fine." Alice broke the silence after letting Ella revel in it for a few minutes, they were about to finish their spliffs and Alice took the hanging of Ella's shoulders as a sign of her relaxing again. She knew she'd have to be the one to push her out of the pit she'd thrown herself into so she playfully nudged her and encouraged, "C'mon, tell me about how it was the first time you came here and how badly you were shitting yourself about it."

Hearing Ella laugh over her choice of words was music to Alice's ears and, just like that, they spent the rest of their time there. Lighting up cigarettes after their joints were finished, chuckling and admiring the sunset beautifully forming in front of them.

Before they left, they took a quick few pictures together. They had no idea when it would be that they'd see each other again so they wanted to keep a memory. Cheek to cheek, they posed for Alice's camera and they took a few selfies like that. The first ones were just of them smiling, and then Alice stuck her tongue out as Ella made a kissy face—the singer's tongue poked at Ella's pursed lips making her giggle after the shutter was pressed. In amusement, Ella copied Alice and stuck her tongue out too, letting their tongues touch shamelessly for the camera.

The sunset had long before it would die down but Ella knew it was around this time of the day that the cops came to check on the place, so she rushed them both out of the place and when they got to the car she breathed in relief. It was always like that when she went to Sunken City, she wasn't a rule-breaking girl even if she tried to.

As she started the car, Ella made Alice send her the pictures to her email and the singer did just that. Ella would've taken a few with her own phone but it had run out of battery, unfortunately. On the way back to her hotel, Alice took over the aux and she enjoyed introducing Ella to music she had never really heard before—she took a video of Ella bobbing her head and humming along Blink-182.

Meanwhile, Alex was sitting at a circular table with the rest of the band, along with Bre, Katie and Kelly, and he was rather tipsy at the NME Awards. They had already accepted three awards and they were fucking buzzing with energy—and alcohol. He couldn't stop his fingers from sending a bunch of texts and he kept them coming despite Ella's lack of replies.

It wasn't until he was at the afterparty, once he had found himself in a boring conversation he could tune out, that he pulled out his phone to check for the hundredth time if Ella had replied that he checked Instagram and his heart had dropped to the ground at what he saw.

Alice had posted the selfie where she and Ella had their tongues out and captioned it 'always want a taste of my favourite cowgirl xxx' and right after, she'd posted the video of Ella dancing to a Blink-182—he had excused himself and brought his phone speaker up to his ear to hear the video and he rolled his eyes in anger hearing their laughter and Alice singing and encouraging Ella to keep dancing with the sweet talk she always gave the American girl.

The jealousy streaming through his veins was bitter and hot, and it was enough to cloud the excitement of having won six awards that night.

His thoughts started going into the worst direction and he was fucking fuming just thinking about how he was almost entirely certain they'd shagged again.

Alex stomped on the bud of the cigarette with fury and he started throwing back drinks consistently all through the rest of the night.

All the alcohol he ingested backfired on him and he had ended up drunk dialing Ella's phone way too many times, until he passed out on top of his bed in the same clothes he'd worn all night.

When he woke up, his mind was foggy enough to have forgotten about just what had sent him down a spiral, but when he groaned as he lifted himself up on the bed and checked on his phone, a text from Ella brought it all back and he just wanted to be sick right then and there.

(26/02/2014 20:54) Sweets, I'm so sorry I didn't answer your calls! My phone died and I only just got back home from spending the day with Alice. I'm really tired, honestly, and I bet you're asleep by now so I'll call you tomorrow okay? Love you and congratulations!!!! Don't let the 'hero of the year' award get to your head though, it's already big as it is ;)) xx

If 'spending the day with Alice' wasn't clear proof that she had shagged the singer, Alex didn't know what it was. Out of pettiness he didn't reply, leaving Ella on read the rest of the day and he watched the phone ring and ring multiple times in the evening but he never answered her calls.

He felt ridiculous but he was angry and he knew he had no legs to stand on but he just couldn't help himself. Though, he knew he shouldn't be directing his annoyance at Ella. He didn't even want to think about how Alice fucking knew he had feelings for Ella and yet, she went ahead and fucked her, and rubbed it on his face again.

His fingers hurt and felt numb by the end of the day from how hard he'd been clenching his fists all day thinking about the horrendous situation. The hangover he was sporting didn't help either, and the only thing he could rely on was the rich rainfall of warm water inside his shower where he spent almost an hour trying to calm down.

Before he went to bed, he warily sent her a text, one that sounded so disingenuous it made him cringe after he sent it.

(27/02/2014 17:26) Sorry, I've been so hungover I had to turn my phone off to be able to peacefully sleep it off. I'll call you when I start feeling like a person again. Thank you for the love, take care Ellie xx

Ella instantly knew something was off, and she wanted to be sick when she got that text while she was stuck in traffic on the way back home. She had a white knuckle grip on the steering wheel the rest of the way back, but she couldn't find a reason for his behavior. Despite her gut telling her the opposite, she had to attribute it to his supposed hangover, and she just hoped it was nothing else.

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When March came around, so did Breana and Matt. The couple arrived in the morning of the second day of the month and Ella had picked them up from the airport with a bright smile on her face.

Her heart swelled in her chest having the pair back in Los Angeles and they all had the best time having brunch in West Hollywood before they went back to Bre's house. There they sat down in front of a flat screen and played the Arabella music video which had just come out an hour before.

Ella had gasped at the sudden lewdness of the video and by the time it ended, she asked so many questions about how it had been to shoot all that. She'd subtly asked about the scenes that Alex had to film, since she was still playing on loop the scene of Alex walking into a woman changing and it had left her uncomfortably squirming in her place. Thankfully, this time Matt hadn't chosen to joke around and actually told her how different it had been and Ella found herself curious about the director's methods.

The rest of the day had been spent catching up and Ella had been the one surprised by the news that Matt and Bre had decided to look for a house in Los Angeles and move in together. Ella had squeaked in excitement and hugged them both tightly, joking about how she'd have to go into whichever place they would decide to go for with gloves because she was sure the first thing they would do would be christening every corner and surface of that house.

By the end of the night, they'd been sleepily brainstorming what could be done for Bre's birthday and they had decided to just go to a pub or a club and celebrate there, knowing how long it had been since they'd partied together, Matt agreed saying it was a needed evening after all that time.

So when the fifth of March rolled around, they had found themselves, along with a handful of Bre's friends, at a club where they celebrated the birthday girl. Ella hadn't planned on drinking that much but Bre kept convincing her of taking shot after shot and she'd ended up giggling uncontrollably as they danced.

When Ella had been sent for another round of shots though, a guy came up to her and started chatting her up and she'd flushed much more than usual thanks to the alcohol in her blood. The guy had ended up saving his number in her phone and making sure to have her call him, to which Ella hesitantly agreed.

Bre had seen it all and she'd asked all about it but Ella didn't have much to say, the guy and every word he uttered was so forgettable that the whole interaction slipped her mind and she just shrugged when she mentioned he'd given her his number.

Ella had let herself forget about it until the day of her birthday.

She'd decided to just stay in that day, inviting a few of her work friends over as well as Bre and Matt. There were multiple wine bottles and a few snack plates as well as charcuterie boards, so it was gonna be a calm night of pure chatter and good food.

It was around eleven in the evening that Bre decided to bring the cake she'd gotten Ella and light up some candles to sing her happy birthday, before some of her friends left. So Matt facetimed Alex from his phone to make sure he was present for that moment, like he had promised the drummer to do earlier when he had called to wish Ella a happy birthday.

Alex had stayed on the phone for a longer time though, hearing as Ella's co-workers left after midnight, wishing her happy birthday and thanking her for a lovely night. He'd been smiling the whole time and he had laughed along with Bre, Ella and Matt when the three of them were the only ones left at Ella's house.

They'd started cleaning up by the time the clock hit one in the morning and, since it wasn't really that entertaining, Matt had let Alex go. Alex said bye to Bre and wished Ella a happy birthday one last time before he hung up the phone, and it was just as he was hearing Matt promising to call him in the next few days, that he heard Breana saying something that just felt like another knife to the heart.

"Why didn't that guy from the other night come? I thought you were gonna invite him."

He didn't even get a chance to hear Ella's response because Matt ended the call, and he wallowed in self pity for no reason because Ella had shrugged and waved her best friend's question off by clearing up, "I didn't even call him after all. Wasn't really interested, if I'm being honest."

Yet, Alex hadn't heard those words and he was left thinking about it the rest of his day. But this time, he didn't let his jealousy turn into a cold shoulder treatment, because in all honesty it had been painful to read the meek messages he sent her after he saw Alice's posts. He'd remembered how badly he'd fucked up that night at the pub when Ella was in London and he didn't want a repeat of that so he had eventually had to suck it up and force himself to go back to normal.

So he knew he could swallow it and move on, it was hard ignoring the ache in his chest though. He shook his head at himself when he found his thoughts going back to the words Bre had said and forcing himself to stop thinking about it was a challenge, but he had to remind himself that he was in no position to react like that and that if he let it poorly show like he had before, he could fuck things up.

And that was the last thing he needed.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

The rest of March and the start of April had been filled with everyone throwing great news around and the smiles seemed to be always present in everyone's faces.

Nick and Kelly had surprised the group with the news of a baby on the way, making Ella and Bre cry on facetime when they called and showed the scan pictures of the baby growing in Kelly's belly.

Jamie and Katie had been finishing up the last details of their wedding and the American girls had gotten loads of pictures of every single dress Katie had tried on throughout her dress shopping week that she spent going from shop to shop accompanied by her family, Florence and Kelly.

Bre and Matt had managed to put an offer on a house in Hollywood Hills that they fell in love with and they had gotten it accepted, meaning they just had to endure about a fortnight of paperwork in order to close the sale and finally say the house was theirs.

It was when Bre and Matt finally got the keys to their house and were able to take out the 'sold' sign out of the grass by the mailbox, that they invited everyone over for the weekend so that they could celebrate everyone's news.

Nick, Jamie, Kelly and Katie had all been in the same flight so they arrived together at Matt and Bre's new house in the early afternoon of a Friday in the middle of April. Alex had basically spent most of his time back home doing a press tour due to the rise of the record—their label wanting the band to go around doing interviews and magazine covers and articles to ride the high of it all—but he had done it all alone, and he had a radio interview in the morning of that very Friday so he had to leave in a later flight and got there late in the evening.

They'd planned a barbecue for Saturday and since the new house was so close to the Universal Studios amusement park, they were all thinking of spending the first half of the day there until they had to leave so everyone was ready for their late night flight back home on Sunday.

Ella had woken up early and gone to the shops to get snacks and drinks and whatever else she thought they might need, making sure to not forget the housewarming gifts she'd bought for the couple: a funny welcome mat that said 'come in' but if it was flipped upside down it changed into 'go away', a box of condoms and a fun little set of leather cuffs. Ella had giggled when picking the things up and she'd giggled some more when wrapping them up.

She cursed the couple a few times when stuck in traffic for deciding to live so far away from her, but when she got there and saw Bre and Matt open the door and wave at her as she pulled into the driveway, Ella cooed at the image.

"I'm so fucking happy for you two." Ella said after she crashed into them and wrapped them in a group hug, her eyes closed and a big smile on her face.

Bre dropped a kiss on her cheek at the same time as Matt said, "Thank you Ellie."

When Ella pulled back, she smirked, "I might place some bets in a bit. See how fast you manage to knock her up."

Matt's smirk showed instantly on his face and Bre cackled next to him. He proudly puffed his chest out and shrugged nonchalantly as he replied, "Well it's not like we aren't practicing."

"Of course you are. Filthy bitches." Ella joked with a giggle stuck in her throat, but before she could continue her taunting, she turned around to head back to her car, calling out behind her, "C'mon Matthew, help me with the things I brought."

The drummer followed her but scolded her for going against what they'd told her the previous day on the phone, "Ella, we told you we got everything."

And Ella clearly remembered them saying how they had everything covered and that the only thing they needed was her to be there but she wouldn't have that, she wasn't showing up empty handed. So she easily sing-sang, "Don't care!" as she walked up to her car and opened the trunk.

Matt was handed a pair of grocery bags with a few pints of ice cream and a few cuts of meat, managing to carry a strawberry cheesecake she'd bought for everyone to have later and Bre came up to them when she saw the big beer case that was left to be brought out of the boot of the car. Ella thanked them before she grabbed the gifts and her big bag with clothes and a towel for her to use after the pool.

Before she went out to the backyard, she helped put the ice cream, beer and the cheesecake in the fridge whilst Matt took the meat to the barbecue to season it and start cooking it along with the rest of food they had outside.

Bre showed Ella the array of alcohol they had already cooled in the fridge, but Ella opted to start it calmly with just a beer.

When she walked out through the open sliding doors, she was met with a scene that she'd missed very much. The chatter full of thick accents and those laughs she knew so well flooded her with a warm sense of familiarity and she almost wanted to cry.

"Hi!!!" She loudly greeted everyone, her smile so big that her eyes creased at the edges.

A chorus of "Ella!" was heard and everyone scrambled around to come up to her and greet her with hugs that swelled her heart with love.

She'd spent a little longer hugging Nick and Kelly, tearing up when touching the little bump that Kelly was sporting at about fifteen weeks. And those tears had managed to slip down her cheeks when she finally got her arms around Alex's frame.

"Missed you, sweets." She whispered in his ear, sniffling after the words left her lips and rubbing her thumb over the fabric of his white shirt.

Alex swayed them softly for a few seconds before plating a chaste kiss on her cheek and pulling away to reciprocate, "Me too darling."

The first thing they did was start the barbecue so that they could eat before getting in the pool as they waited for the sun to rise higher and burn brighter on them all.

The lads proudly showed Ella the High Green sign they had managed to put up on the wall right by where the grill was placed, and she giggled at their excitement only to run to her bag and get her camera to take a picture of them all in front of it.

As they waited for the food to cook, they sat down on the lounge chairs and caught up on what they'd all been up to. Everyone was more focused on Nick and Kelly's story about how they found out about the baby and what had been said on the first scan they'd had, so most of the conversation was centered on the little O'Malley who, according to the doctor, was coming at the end of September.

The food had been thoroughly enjoyed, loud chatter and laughter joined the chirping of the birds and the sway of the leaves from the wind, which was doing little to keep them fresh thanks to the sun now burning down on their skins. Most of everyone's clothes had been discarded so that they could be fresh as they ate and drank but eventually it got too hot and Matt was the first one to jump into the pool.

Bre and Katie followed shortly after, jumping in hand in hand and swiftly coming back up with bright smiles on their faces. Nick had taken the path of going down the stairs by the shallow end of the pool and he had expected Kelly to do the same but she jumped in just like the girls had done. Everyone laughed at the way Nick's face fell in shock and the deep breath he took after Kelly came back up.

Ella was finishing the last of her steak before getting in the pool when Alex stood up and shed himself off his shoes and his shirt which had already been fully opened. She'd been trying not to gawk at his figure even if she wouldn't be obvious behind her sunglasses, so she'd forced herself to keep her gaze on her plate as she stabbed on the last cut of meat she had.

That's why she hadn't noticed the way everyone in the pool exchanged mischievous looks with the singer.

Alex startled her by wrapping his arms firmly around her middle from the back and she'd gasp after swallowing the last bite of food she had in her mouth.

"Alex don't!" She pleaded in desperation, she dropped her plate on the chair beside her hip and that was when he finally picked her up and started walking forwards with her in his arms.

Ella squirmed in his hold, kicking her legs but it did nothing to have him put her down. If anything, she was only accentuating just how close they were because the more she moved, the more she felt him clearly against her.

Her cheeks tinted pink and she got hotter as he got closer to the edge of the deep end, and she heard him chuckle in her ear after she begged once more, "Please, Alex! Don't!"

But before she could try her luck once more, Alex leaped forward and made the both of them jump into the pool together.

She came up with a gasp and took a deep breath before turning around to find Alex and shove him, "You bitch!"

The laughter was loud around them, and Alex looked far too pleased with his actions. The corners of his lips pulled up in a gorgeous toothy grin that made her melt and she let herself come back down into the water to cool her face and brush her hair backwards.

She realized then that her glasses were gone so she scoffed as soon as she came up to the surface, "Alex!" She whined loudly, "My sunglasses!"

The cackles that her words elicited were obnoxiously loud but she sucked it up when the singer looked down and instantly dove down to find them. The group watched Alex's blurry silhouette move under the water until he came up with the black shades in hand and a soft smile.

He purposely got close to her and wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her in when he came back afloat, "Sorry, darling. Here you go." He said smoothly, handing her the sunglasses which she took with a glare but she still wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

"Thanks." She muttered before putting the glasses back on, her stoic face being a challenge to keep on when he left a wet kiss on her cheek.

Bre had elbowed Matt before he could say anything about the pair because she knew her boyfriend was just biting his tongue to tease them about their proximity. Instead, she chose to start a conversation about their plans for the next day and suggested a visit to Universal Studios since they were merely fifteen minutes away from the place.

From then on, conversation had flowed smoothly and the next few hours had been spent drinking and chatting, laughing and smoking. Music had started playing from a speaker Matt brought out sometime in the middle of the afternoon and it kept playing until they decided to act like children and start chicken fighting.

Kelly had opted out so she and Nick had been assigned as 'referees' to 'keep an eye out on the fairness of each round', or whatever Matt had said along those lines.

Bre had managed to knock Ella down the first round, undoubtedly because Matt had kicked Alex and made him falter so Ella was thrown off balance and fell backwards into the water.

So while Ella waited to see who she had to fight next, from Bre and Katie who were currently fighting, she'd gotten lost in the way the sunshine gleamed on the girls' skins and how stunning they both looked.

No one could or should blame her for staring really—the two girls were models and for a damn reason.

She'd been lost appreciating their features being accentuated by the golden sunlight that Alex's touch suddenly on her face made her heart jump out of her chest.

His right hand cupped her jaw and he turned her face to the side so she could look at him, fingers firmly on her skin and, when his thumb came up to brush against her bottom lip, her breath hitched in her throat.

This is it, she thought. All that was going through her mind was how it would be then that he'd kiss her again. And she was certain that she would collapse right then and there.

Except, when Alex leaned forward, he never closed the distance. Instead, he opened his mouth to whisper, "You're drooling a bit there, darling." in a mocking manner after having found her gawking at the girls.

Suddenly, his touch was gone and so was he, only leaving her with the warm breath that left his lips as he chuckled to hit her parted mouth.

Ella had no idea why she felt so defeated by the turn of events and she cursed herself for being an idiot and getting her hopes up with suck quickness.

She had to act like nothing had happened, gulping harshly and rolling her eyes, turning her head back around to watch the girls, but she wasn't watching anymore. Not really. Her gaze was stuck somewhere in the background, staring into a brick wall as she bit the inside of her cheek and the feeling of her heart dropping and her blood running suddenly cold made her shiver.

Swimming to the stairs, she came out of the pool and poured herself a shot of whiskey. She tossed it back in a split second, hissing to herself when it burned down her throat and then she walked up to her bag to get herself a cigarette. She needed the sweet relief of nicotine so desperately then, to numb herself down a little—she wished she'd brought some weed with her.

"Idiot." She mumbled to herself when she couldn't get the lighter to spark, having to let out a deep sigh before trying again and when it finally lit up the end of her cigarette a familiar orange hue, she took a long and deep drag.

After that, every touch that Alex left on her skin, deliberate or not, burned like a cigarette burn that she was so painfully aware of. Each brush of his fingers sparked more doubts in her mind, she was so distracted by her own stupid worries that she was trying so hard to ignore, that she'd missed many words directed at her.

The latest one being Katie asking her if she could help her bring the dessert out for everyone. Ella apologized for making her repeat herself but nodded as enthusiastically as she could and followed the model inside to get the cheesecake out of the fridge.

Singing along to a Stones song that was playing outside, Katie and Ella worked steadily as they cut a piece of dessert for everyone to enjoy. There was something about cutting the pieces of cake that reminded Katie of her upcoming wedding and that's when the realization came to her that she hadn't told Ella the good news.

"Wait, did we tell you we have a date for the wedding yet?" The knife hung in the air as the model looked at Ella with eyes wide, praying that she had told her but just forgotten.

But Ella shook her head and smiled at Katie so she wouldn't worry about it, "No! When is it?"

Still, Katie's face fell and the color of her cheeks paled a bit as she apologized, "Oh god, I'm so sorry." She quickly plated the last piece before dropping the knife on the sink and then grabbing Ella delicately by the shoulders, "It's on May 15th, please tell me you can come."

The specific date rang in Ella's head and her memory itched with the faint knowledge of something happening around those days. She didn't really remember though, so she asked, "Is it here?" before she could check her calendar.

"London." Katie answered quickly, "This venue we really wanted but were waitlisted for called us last week and told us they'd gotten a cancellation for that day and we just said yes."

The elation shined through Katie's face and it melted Ella's insides, "Awh, I'm so happy that worked out for y'all."

Katie pulled her in for a hug and mumbled against her ear, "I know, we're buzzing too. But please tell me you can come."

"I think I have something scheduled for May but I don't think anything important." Ella commented before pulling away from the hug, knowing she'd have to make sure on her calendar and since it was outside, she pointed towards the sliding door and said, "Let me check." before walking quickly towards her bag to retrieve her phone.

When she was back in the kitchen, Katie watched expectantly as Ella skimmed through her phone. Her heart dropped right with Ella's when she watched Ella's smile falter to then curse under her breath, "Oh shit."

"Don't tell me it's bad news." Katie pleaded, as if she didn't know Ella's expression meant just that.

Ella cringed when she looked up and sighed heavily, "I have a shoot that whole week and the next one."

"Can you reschedule?" Katie asked quickly, even though it seemed almost impossible if the shoot was two weeks long.

Ella considered the possibility for a split second but she remembered the long document she'd signed and she remembered reading something about there not being a possibility to change the dates of the shoots, "I signed a contract..."

Katie started fiddling with her fingers, trying to come up with a solution, "We'll pay whatever the penalty for infringing it is– You have to be there!"

Ella pouted and nodded in agreement but she went back to her phone to find the contract and see what exactly it said. She frowned as she searched through her email, giving Katie a quick rundown on what the ambitious project was for, "The contract is with the university I went to. We're shooting this short film in Boston and submitting it to the Los Angeles film festival."

"So you can't come?" Katie barely mumbled, as if saying it louder would mean it to be true.

But, the volume of their words didn't matter because Ella found the ten page document and when she found the section talking about bookings and flights and venues, she winced and bit the inside of her cheek as she read over and over to understand that the answer wasn't gonna help at all.

"I'm afraid I can't, no." Flights and accommodation had already been booked, locations to film had already been separated and the proper city permits for the project had been granted for those dates, making it all impossible to be pushed to another date. "Fuck..."

Katie pouted, her heart heavy in her chest and she walked the few steps that separated her from Ella to envelope the director in a hug, "I'm so sad now."

"I'm sorry." Ella mumbled, hating that she would have to miss such an important event for her friends.

Katie didn't want Ella to think it was on her though, so she pulled back and shook her head, "No, babe, you're fine. This is so last minute, don't worry." Katie could also see how big of a thing that shoot would be for Ella and her career so she wouldn't want her to feel like she had to pull out of the project for their wedding. It didn't mean she wasn't devastated by the knowledge of her absence that day, "Just heartbroken you won't be there."

Placing her phone on the kitchen counter, Ella clutched Katie tightly to herself and agreed, "I know, me too."

With two plates in hand each, Katie and Ella walked outside and handed the dessert around. There were still four more plates to bring so the girls walked back into the kitchen to grab the last of them.

As she was about to hold two plates, Ella stopped in her tracks and turned to Katie with a suggestion, "Wait. How about I compensate for this?"

"What?" Katie asked, confused.

"For not going to your wedding."

Katie's brows rose in understanding and then she waved Ella off softly, "It's not your fault, you don't have to compensate for anything."

Ella nodded, coming to terms with that but a smirk showed on her face when she pushed, "Okay but let me be able to participate somehow."

Her smirk was contagious, a soft one pulling at Katie's corners of her lips as she said, "Right, I'm listening."

She had no idea what to expect and it was a nice surprise when the American girl suggested, "Do you wanna have a photoshoot tomorrow?" with a cheeky grin on her face.

A soft "Oh?" left Katie's lips at the idea of it.

She was about to say yes, not really a doubt in mind that a photoshoot with Ella would be a dream, but when Ella mischievously added, "We'll need to buy some things in fun stores but I reckon it'll be a good wedding gift." then it clicked in Katie's head what the girl was suggesting.

"Is this what I think it is?" Katie whispered, as if the naughty idea that had been thrown in the air wordlessly was meant to be kept secret.

Ella giggled at Katie's eager face and nodded, "Yeah."

"Okay, deal." Katie put her hand out for Ella to share, which she did with a louder string of giggles and when it was settled, Katie squeaked softly and added, "Oh I'm so excited!"

Finally grabbing the last four plates, they walked back outside. There, they handed those who were missing their sweet food and when Katie sat beside Ella at the edge of the pool with their feet dipped in the warm water, the model gave everyone the sad news.

As soon as Katie said Ella wasn't gonna be able to attend, everyone loudly talked over each other but the main word everyone had said was, "Why?" so Ella easily explained the reasoning behind it all.

With pouts and grimaces on their faces, the group came around to understanding after a wave of possible solutions that were just too much of an inconvenience for both parties.

"I'll steal Katie tomorrow, if you don't mind Cookie." Ella let the guitarist know, trying to hide the smirk that appeared on her face by eating the last of her cake slowly. "You know, to make it up to her."

Jamie stared at the pair with curiosity, he could see that they were planning something but he had no clue what it could be, so he joked, "And when are you making it up to me?"

Ella had to press her lips together not to give it all away, and she forced herself to act nonchalant as she shrugged, "Soon, I suppose."

Jamie hummed, narrowing his eyes at her and then his fiance but when they only giggled to each other and said nothing else, he figured he would be able to find out what it would be soon enough.

That night, after spending more hours messing about in the pool with alcohol and lit cigarettes in hand, Ella and Katie left to go back to Ella's house.

Before they could go to sleep, Ella went online and booked a hotel room, one that they both liked and that thankfully was close to The Grove so that they could go shopping and then to their shooting location quicker.

Going shopping for lingerie with Katie was fun. Ella had never been one to feel properly comfortable going into one of the stores because she always felt watched and judged but being there with Katie, who had actually pushed her into the changing rooms so that she could also try some sets and cute babydolls, was entertaining and Ella enjoyed herself.

"These are gonna look gorgeous dusting away in my closet." Ella joked as they left with an arm full of shopping bags each. "Thank you though, that was fun." Katie kissed her cheek loudly and, after taking a break to go grab something to eat, they got some gorgeous heels for Katie to wear.

After getting to the hotel and checking in, everything had gone incredibly smoothly and it just brought the biggest smiles to their faces. Katie trusted her wholeheartedly and she was a model so this wasn't her first rodeo, therefore it all added to the easy and enjoyable journey the afternoon was being.

The thing about boudoir photography was that it was tricky to find that balance between erotic and mysterious, showing much more than usual but keeping it enticing and evoking lust, hunger and passion. But with a woman like Katie posing for the camera, Ella found it so easy to play in so many different angles and spaces that just worked on the subtle storyline they were keeping for it.

By the time the clock hit five in the afternoon, the girls took the last of the pictures and once the sun started to set, they got everything they'd brought and went back downstairs to the lobby to check out and rush back to Matt and Bre's house.

When they got there, everyone was ready to head to the airport. Multiple suitcases were waiting by the door whilst everyone was having one last drink in the living room as they waited for Katie and Ella to come back. Thankfully, Katie had taken her case with her so she'd put everything away in the hotel before coming back so that she'd be ready to go when they stepped foot in the house.

The minute Bre stepped back into the living room with Ella and Katie in tow, everyone downed the last of their drinks and scrambled to get their things and leave as soon as they could. Their flight was leaving in a few hours, and they knew just how busy LAX would be on a Sunday night.

That was why the goodbyes exchanged were hasty and brief. They got the eight minutes it took for the big van they'd ordered to take them to the airport as the time to bid each other farewell.

Katie squeezed Ella tightly before she got inside the vehicle and Jamie had cheekily asked what they'd done as he hugged Ella goodbye, only to get a giggle and an obviously faux, "I don't know." as an answer.

Kelly and Nick briefly trapped her in a hug and Ella made them promise to come back soon so that she could do a little maternity shoot for them. Kelly cooed at the thought and took her up on the opportunity, making sure to promise that the second they'd plan on coming back, she'd be the first to know.

Alex, who had been helping Matt put the luggage in the back of the van, walked up to Ella last. She was still facing the van's open door so when he came up to her, he trapped her in a headlock and dipped his face so he could press a long kiss on her cheek.

The two couples inside the vehicle saw the way Ella's face lit up at the contact, her nose and eyes scrunching up and her lips pulled into a loopy grin.

Ella's arms wrapped instinctively around Alex's waist and she turned in his hold to hide her face in the crook of his neck. She left a few pecks there before she pulled back and whispered, "Be back soon okay? I'll miss you."

Alex's gaze went all over her face and she noticed the way the brown of his eyes gleamed when the lights of the house's porch hit them. She licked her lips subconsciously and, though his eyes dropped to see her plump pink mouth, he didn't close the distance.

Instead he nodded, pressing a kiss on her forehead and he mumbled, "Me too, so much." against her skin. The fact that he hadn't used this opportunity to kiss her made her thoughts tangle in confusion, she had thought that he'd be the one to make that first move considering she was the one to initiate it the last time.

Still, she let her eyes flutter close and inhale his scent, relishing in his hold and the force with which his fingers dug into her flesh like he didn't want to let go.

But he did. Leaving her exposed to the wind and her skin broke out in goosebumps when she watched him walk up and into the van, closing the door behind him.

Ella took a few steps backwards, until she stood beside Matt and Bre by the front door, and she waved them goodbye as the van started to move. She managed to see the singer blowing her a kiss through the polarized windows, her stomach flipping inside her as that familiar feeling of longing settled in her again. That same old weight on her chest that forced her to take a deep breath to be able to collect herself.

The second the vehicle was out of their sight, she turned around to look at Bre and Matt and sighed with a pout, "Well, I gotta go. I'm in work early tomorrow."

Bre whined when she said that and she hugged her so tight as she tried to convince her to stay that Ella'd had to beg Matt to save her from the model's hold. Matt hugged her just as tight but way shorter, only to bother her, before he jokingly ushered her away.

"Yeah no, off she goes. I have someone to do and many places for that to happen at."

Ella loudly gagged and flipped him off, "Disgusting!" She grabbed her keys from the back pocket of her jeans though and waved them goodbye, "Love ya'! See ya'!"

Even if she didn't want to know whatever they were going to do, she was so glad to see the couple smiling so brightly as she drove away. She lit up a cigarette, rolling down her window, to forget about how badly she missed that feeling of being madly in love—to forget about a certain person that came to her mind, and that kiss she'd wanted him to give her, only to squeeze her heart and make it ache more.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

It was merely a bit more than a week that Matt had stayed in Los Angeles, taking Breana with him to the Australia and New Zealand leg of the AM tour.

If Ella thought it had been horrendously difficult for her to keep up with Alex and the rest of the group when they were in Europe, she'd almost wanted to cry by the time half of the dates were done and she had barely spoken to him, or even Bre for that matter, a handful of times.

They'd never catch each other online, only seeing the messages each other sent hours before and it just multiplied the longing and the great feeling of the distance that separated them tenfold. It was so discouraging and to Ella it just felt like more cruel proof of why it was never gonna happen between them both. For Alex, the deep cut of his despair pushed him towards a sea of realizations that he was too afraid to navigate so he pushed the feelings to the back of his head for the time being.

Ella was following along their shows and whatever promo they were doing over on the other side of the world through Twitter, which had become her main source of updates, and that was how she'd found out Alex and Matt had spent one of their free days in between shows to go to a few radio shows.

One of them was Triple J, and she'd found a link to the full interview from some tweet going around.

With an idiotic smile on her face, Ella listened to Matt and Alex chatting to the radio host, laughing over the way Alex just let Matt take over for him and when the drummer would make him answer something, he'd purposely keep it brief and giving a 'boring answer' as he'd said himself after answering one of the questions.

After a few minutes of chat, the host introduced the acoustic version of 'Do I Wanna Know?' the lads were doing and she smiled like a fool when hearing the first strum of the guitar. She really loved this song.

Softly, she sang along, low enough to just enjoy Matt and Alex's voices. The lyrics were gorgeous and she found herself gushing over Alex's writing talent all over again. The 'darling's he sang made her tummy flutter and she felt the heat rushing to her cheeks.

When the song ended, Ella liked that they included a bit of them messing about and talking about other people's covers of the song they'd just performed, she giggled at the way Alex taunted Matt to answer for him and she wished she was there to actually ask him what he had actually thought of the Miley Cirus cover—one which she was gonna check out after she watched the next video.

The host announced a cover coming next and she was intrigued by the weird clue Matt had given the audience. It sounded like distorted audio and she was so curious to know. Though she still had a giggle at the random and funny chatter going around.

She made a mental note to ask for a 50 Cent song whenever she and the lads were out, because she gasped in surprise when Alex said he'd never experienced one of his songs in the club.

When Matt revealed it was a Tame Impala song, Ella felt her heart leap in her chest. After having a good laugh over Alex saying, "Oh my god, I've gone cross-eyed" as Matt explained all he had done to get that weird audio clip, Ella's hand started getting clammy when Alex said the song they were covering was one she knew very well because of him: 'Feels Like We Only Go Backwards'.

To the forefront of her mind came the memory of the time he had shown it to her, her heart racing again. She came back to reality when Alex said something weird and once she finally tuned in, she realized it was him saying Nick's full name backwards.

She relished in the amusement she got from the brief interaction and the proof that he was in fact saying the full name backwards correctly, but then the host transitioned that into the introduction for the cover and Ella froze in her place.

It was like she was holding her breath up until the first verse, her heart kicking faster against her ribcage like reminding her she needed to breathe.

That song had become something special for her, sometimes hurting a bit too much to hear it come on as it reminded her of the distance between them and all of her hopes dying like forgotten flowers, but hearing him singing it made something shift inside her.

The first verse felt like a shock of electricity, like she came alive by the underlying meaning behind having chosen this song. And when he sang the second one, she stupidly wondered about what it was that he did that showed he had made up his mind about her.

She felt like a fool, trying to find meaning behind a song he hadn't even written himself and then, something dawned on her.

It was like a little voice in her head was calling her a fool and shocked her alive again with the knowledge of what song had been performed before the cover and once Ella remembered the lines to the opening song of their latest record, she felt like the breath had been knocked out of her.

Hastily she went to rewind the video, only to find in the queue of the next videos just the actual video clip of them performing the song in acoustic at the radio station, so she quickly clicked on it and let it play.

Ella had never heard any song in the record thinking they were for or about her—with the exception of 'Arabella' and 'Snap Out Of It'—, but when she heard the first line to 'Do I Wanna Know?' trying to tie any meaning with herself, the first line was like being pulled out of the water after having been under for so long.

Have you got colour in your cheeks? She gasped, her shoulders hung and all she could think about was when did she not have her cheeks tinted shades of pink and red when she was around him.

'Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat. She had no idea how it had flown over her head that it was those exact words he'd said to her when he made her listen to the Tame Impala song that night in Rancho de la Luna. And how she'd forgotten about the fact that she was pretty sure this song had been recorded after that night, almost by the end of their recording time.

Suddenly, the pre-chorus and the chorus felt like a knife to the heart. It had been there all along and she'd completely missed it and now she had no idea if it was too late. Was it too late? She didn't know if she could just ask that, if that would even work. And then, she wanted to cry over the fact that it would be a bit over a month until she could finally see him again.

Been wondering if your heart's still open and if so, I wanna know what time it shuts.She reckoned that meant him trying to figure out if she was open to something after going through her heartbreak, and she thought that him resorting to writing a song about it rather than actually telling her anything was exactly what he always did or so Florence said.

It made so much sense, and then Ella got curious about there being any other songs there in the record for her. She had no idea how to figure that out without reaching and turning entirely self-absorbed so to twist every line into something self-referential that wasn't at all what Alex had meant.

It's just I'm constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you, but I don't know if you feel the same as I do.She groaned and let her face fall on her hands and let out a pathetic squeaky cry of frustration. It took her back to the pool when he had cupped her jaw and turned her head to the side to look at him. She couldn't forget the rush she felt at the hope that sparked up her spine when he did that, the stupid hope for a kiss that never came. Not even when he left for the airport.

But we could be together if you wanted to. Her brows furrowed and she confusedly stared into her desk. Did it mean he had always left it up to her to make the next move? Did it mean he was waiting for her to say it all? She thought it was hardly fair, knowing how long it had taken her to put it all together. Hell, it had been well over a year since they had started recording the album and almost a year since they wrapped up recording and it was all ready to go.

Sighing, she let herself enjoy as much as she could there rest of the song, every line now rumbling the walls of her brain more intently and she knew she wouldn't be able to stop thinking about the meaning of it all and the what-ifs had she realized all of this before.

Once the song was done, it was a masochistic impulse that made her replay the video, only this time she focused on watching Alex as he sang. She cursed herself when she noticed the way she was gawking at Alex on the screen, her gaze going from focusing on his mouth to his hands and then taking in his whole appearance and biting her bottom lip. She had to focus on his face and what she could find shining through his face that could give her answers, and instead she was thirsting over him. As per usual.

When her second watch of the video was over, Lydia knocked on her door interrupting her train of thought, her PA's presence reminding her that she was at work and needed to get back on track.

So Ella couldn't really give into the full over-analysis of everything she wanted to keep doing, and she had to wait all the way until she left work for her to continue her horrendously confusing overthinking session.

She put on the AM cd to play in her car and tears ran down her cheeks by the time 'Arabella' came on. There were so many things she wanted to ask that she just couldn't because she wasn't brave enough to just call him and demand answers and it was frustrating.

It was beyond her understanding why she decided to even grab her phone and pull up Alex's contact to send a message that hinted at her having seen the radio show, hoping with all of her that it was enough for him to know she knew.

(08/05/2014 19:02) I'm so jealous, that beach looks wonderful sweetness!! Though I would be shitting it thinking about sharks, clearly I watch too many movies hahahah. Say hello to the guys for me, yeah? And tell Yellamo he better send me those tim tams he promised me xx

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The Cook's wedding came around rather quickly and it was quite noticeable that Ella's presence was missing that day.

Ella had been sad all morning, sulking in the provisional office they'd given her and the rest of the team in charge of the short film in Boston. Alex kept her updated by sending her loads of pictures around the venue and videos of him walking around, and he had even been begrudgingly allowed to go see the bride with Ella on facetime, she had teared up seeing Katie all done and ready in her gorgeous white gown.

Alex had been lured into staying so Ella could be part of the little toast Katie's family and friends did for her, even giving her the opportunity to partake in it and Katie blew her a kiss through the screen as a thanks for her lovely words.

When the singer went back to the groom's room, Ella congratulated Jamie profusely and wished him the best day of his life. The guitarist thanked her wholeheartedly and raised his champagne glass towards her before taking a sip in cheers to the well wishes.

Alex spared Ella from the ceremony, only texting her after Jamie and Katie walked through the aisle as newlyweds and flower petals were thrown all over them. He sent the video he'd recorded of that moment and did a funny summary for her.

(15/05/2014 12:27) Ceremony was long as always but you would've cried during the vows, I'm so sure. They were oddly emotional coming from Jamie but this might be a sign for me to have him help me write some songs now that I know he has it in him x They look good the Cooks, don't they? I hope the video of them walking down the aisle has sent xx

Ella giggled at the choice of words and she teared up a little more watching the video Alex had sent, the newlyweds were glowing and she was so fucking happy for them her heart could burst inside her chest.

(15/05/2014 12:39) They look fucking stunning!! I'm gonna cry!!!! x And stop being nasty, we shall see if your wedding vows are any better than his when the time comes, Turner x

He had no idea why the idea of his own wedding with Ella in attendance made his heart kickstart like it had been asleep, it suddenly raced in his chest and it rattled so loudly in his ears that he felt sort of lightheaded.

(15/05/2014 12:41) Are you gonna rate my vows then? xx

Alex waited for the answer as he fidgeted in his seat. The flashing image of his wedding not having Ella as a guest but as the one who'd walk up to him left him breathless and he clutched his phone tighter. This was the first time he ever thought of it and the feeling that flooded his insides was nice, warm and fuzzy and just entirely perfect.

That was when it all started dawning on him, that notion which he had been pushing away into hiding at the back of his head for so long—that was the moment it started creeping out to meet him.

(15/05/2014 12:42) I'll be front row giving you live commentary on them, with sound effects and all xx

The singer had no idea what to do with himself and the sudden void in his chest from that answer. Did she not share the vision he had? And even more importantly, was he really this despaired at the prospect of her not fantasizing about it too? He swallowed it all when Miles and Nick called out for him to join them as they were about to light the cigarettes perched between their lips, quickly typing a message to send Ella in response before hiding his phone in one of his pockets.

(15/05/2014 12:43) Of course. Best seats for you darling, if that ever happens x

Ella didn't even get the chance to see that message come through because the couple of the hour called her through Facetime. Turns out Katie had waited until after the ceremony to finally give Jamie the lovely gift she and Ella had come up with before she left LA that day. Ella quickly snuck away to the lunch area of the office that was almost empty by then since it was gonna be a short day at the office due to the next day being an early shoot, and she freely was able to enjoy the call with the couple.

"Remember how Ella said she was gonna make it up to us?" Katie almost sing-sang as she walked up to where she'd left the book which had been sent by Ella all the way from LA already wrapped up and with a cute little note.

Ella watched from where Katie had set her up how Jamie's brows furrowed in confusion at the topic being brought up, "Yeah?"

"Well it's your turn to see how that went." Katie walked gracefully up to her husband and bent over just enough to throw her arms around his shoulders and place the present on his lap, leaving a kiss on his cheek before saying, "Enjoy."

Katie straightened up with her hands still on Jamie's shoulders as he carefully undid the wrapping and the bride shared an excited look with Ella through the screen. They both returned their gazes back to the groom who was about to grace them with a million dollar reaction that Ella wished she could've recorded.

Jamie's jaw dropped when he opened the leather bound book and saw the first picture, his face lighting up in flames and turning him into a shade of red Ella had never seen on him before. His eyes were wide and his smirk grew bigger as he slowly flipped through the pages.

Ella knew exactly when he got to the more naughty ones because he had to close the book to turn around and see his wife, letting out a shaky breath that both Ella and Katie laughed over. When he opened the book again and continued looking through the last ones, he wiped his face with his hand and cursed a low, "Fucking hell." as he shifted in his seat.

"I don't think I've ever seen you this red, Cookie." Ella taunted him but he didn't budge his gaze from the book.

They watched as he couldn't help himself from going back to admire the pictures once again and when he deemed it was enough gawking for the time being, he let the book rest on the table beside him and pulled his wife swiftly on his lap to pounce on her lips.

Katie broke the hungry kiss in between giggles to ask, "Did you like it?"

And Ella chuckled when he growled and nodded, mumbling a quick, "Fucking loved it." before he leaned in to kiss his wife with desperation all over again.

Merely five seconds went by but Ella wanted to tease them for the show they were putting on so she cleared her throat dramatically loud before she said, "Right, I don't wanna be on the phone witnessing your unofficial porno." which prompted them to stop with laughter.

Ella melted when she saw them laugh against each other with the foreheads pressed together before Katie stood up and went to pick up the phone from where she'd propped it up.

The model pouted at the camera and sighed, "I wish you were here to party with us, Ellie."

And Ella matched her pout and the sadness seeped through her words as she assured, "I know but I will be in Alex's phone all night so don't worry."

Jamie came up behind Katie and rested his chin on her shoulder so he could thank Ella once more, "Thank you for that Ellie, it was a fucking perfect gift."

The giggles that came from Ella made the pair smile softly, "You're so very welcome. There's another one more PG but just as beautiful nonetheless, because it's all your gorgeous wife in that one as well."

"Oh yes!" Katie brightened up remembering that Ella also made her a book with the pictures she took of her when they did that shoot at her house, "I'll show him that one later, I left it somewhere in the house."

"Well I hope you love it just as much." Ella smiled softly and sent them a blown kiss through the screen after she added, "Have the best night guys, love you lots!"

With kisses blown from the newlyweds and lots of love sent back to her, Ella finished the call and with that she realized she could go back to her office and get her things to go back to the hotel suite she was staying at in time for Alex to call her during the peak of the party.

By the time she got back to the hotel, she walked into her hotel room to a handful of videos waiting for her in her messages. One was of Alex showing her around the place where the reception was going to be held at, there were another two which captured clips of the toasts people did for the newlyweds which ended up making Ella cry and a few more that showed the party just starting and the group throwing shots back and starting to dance.

Ella made herself a quick lunch—heating some pizza leftovers from the night before—and then she went to shower. Once she had finished blow drying her hair, she opened her messages again to a flood of videos coming from Alex, as well as a pair of missed facetime calls.

She rang him back but he didn't pick up and, from the videos she saw, she could guess that it was because of the loud music that he didn't catch her incoming calls.

About half an hour passed without any more videos and before she could text him to claim he was failing at keeping her updated, her phone rang with a facetime call from the singer.

She expected loud music so she prepared herself for the disturbance to her ears but when she accepted the call, her ears were blessed with Alex's smooth voice greeting her.

"Hi, darling. What you doing?" He instantly noticed that she was in the bathroom, wearing some flannel shorts that showed her thigh tattoo and a shirt long enough to cover most of the shorts, with some sort of mixture on her face.

She leaned into the mirror as she applied some lip balm, pressing her lips together and puckering them up before taking a step back and looking into the camera, she shrugged with a small smile on her face, "Nothing, just relaxing. How's the party going?"

"Good, good." Alex replied nonchalantly, his next words coming muffled because of him placing a cigarette between his lips and lighting it up effortlessly, "Just needed a breather."

"Oh where are you?" Ella asked curiously, seeing the dangling lights behind him that let her see the ivy snaking up a brick wall.

"Having a smoke in the garden." He let out the smoke he had inhaled to continue explaining his decision to come outside, "Even though everyone being wankered already is entertaining, it's not the same without you."

Ella had to really fight against herself not to coo and pout, instead she gave him a toothy smile and a raise of her brows to taunt him, "Yeah, no one forcing you to dance, is there?"

Easily, Alex stated, "Miles is trying." and it made Ella laugh loudly.

Puffing her chest out, she smirked and shrugged before proudly saying, "Miles doesn't have you wrapped around his little finger." wiggling her little finger for the camera to further her point.

And there was no denying that, Alex showed her a loopy smile as he shook his head and agreed, "He sure doesn't."

Watching him smoke never got old, and it surely was making her get flustered but, on top of that, she could feel the taste of the nicotine on her tongue just from watching him and she whined at the craving that shook her with force, "You're making me wanna go out for a cig."

"What's stopping you?" Alex challenged her easily and she sighed.

"I'm too lazy to go outside and I have this on my face." She pointed at the drying face mask she had on, he giggled at the look of it but then noticed how bright it was in the room she was in and it definitely looked like natural lighting.

"You got back early today, huh." The few days before he had managed to sneak a quick facetime call with her, she'd still been at the new office and she would call him back way later when she was back at the hotel, and that usually was when it was about to be three in the morning for him, so he was surprised to see her back in her room when it was still bright outside.

She smiled at his smart observation and nodded, "A miracle isn't it?" She played with the ends of her hair as she explained, "We had an early day today because we have to be at the office by five tomorrow morning, we're shooting all day so we were given a long rest before that."

"All day long?" Alex raised his brows at the information.

"Mhm. We're due in set at half past five and we're not leaving until midnight probably. We have a lot of night scenes to shoot so..."

"This is the short film right?" He made sure to remember correctly, his head scrambled from the tumultuous day.

"Yep." Ella nodded proudly, she still couldn't believe she was in charge of such a big project.

Alex hummed as he took a drag of smoke, "Are there any more directors working with you?"

And once again, Ella proudly replied, "Just me. But I have the writer of the screenplay with me to make sure I follow her vision."

The smile that broke in Alex's face gleamed just as brightly as his eyes did, and she wasn't sure if it was the reflection of the screen on his eyes or the dwindling lights littered around the garden but she enjoyed it nonetheless and was filled with a warmth that she loved so much when he said, "I'm so fucking proud of you Ellie." almost breathlessly.

She couldn't help herself from smiling as big as the drying face mask allowed her, "Thank you sweetness. You're so cute." She winced and dropped her smile when the drying mask pinched on the skin of her cheek and Alex laughed noticing that.

"You look very cute right now." He teased with a smirk, though it wasn't necessarily untrue—she looked adorable and he almost wanted to sigh and swoon like an enamored idiot.

"Oh don't. I've been looking horrendous since I got here so I wanted to do a facemask." She attributed it to the change of climate, but she'd seen the tub of face mask mixture when she was walking past the aisles of the grocery store and she'd decided to buy it and see if it helped at all.

Alex, as flattering as ever, easily refuted her words, "I seriously doubt that but okay."

"Only 'cause you've not seen me in person this past week." Ella sighed, looking at herself in the mirror again and feeling ridiculous with the drying mixture on her skin, "I look rough."

"Why is it cracking?" The singer was entirely confused by the way it had changed color and it had started cracking with the pass of time.

Ella shrugged, picking up the bottle that contained the face mask mixture, "It's some sort of clay mask or something like that. I dunno." She heard him snickering then and she looked down at the screen again with a glare, "I know I look silly right now, but don't even."

Alex raised his free hand in the air to claim innocence, "What? I didn't even say anything!"

But Ella narrowed her eyes and pointed an accusing finger at him, "You were thinking it!" She called him out and his expression only grew more amused, "I know you, Turner."

There was something in him that kept sparking up, like two stones crashing and crashing and he knew that soon enough a fire would start. The sparks shot warmth up his spine already and made his head all dizzy, he doubted it was just the nicotine's effect.

"Sure, sure." He joked halfheartedly, thought his stomach flipped at the way she truly just knew him so well.

Before she could come up with another witty comment to chat back at him, she heard the familiar start of one of her favorite ABBA songs and she froze in her place for a second, holding her breath to make sure it was the one she thought and when she confirmed it by just faintly hearing the first few words, she whined loudly, "Oh stop! That's one of my favorites!"

Like it was the most logical thing to ask, she demanded, "Alex, go back inside and dance for me."

Alex looked at her through the screen and swallowed his laughter before shaking his head, "Sorry darling, I would do anything for you, just not that." It wasn't entirely a lie, but maybe if she begged a little he would rush back inside just to dance to Voulez-Vous for her on the phone.

"Why are you like this?! It's a good song!" She complained as the song started building up to the first chorus.

Alex annoyingly pointed out, "No one's stopping you from dancing to it right now." and that made her glare at him through the screen before she scrambled out of the frame to get a hand towel and wet it with warm water from the tap.

Without noticing, she started softly mumbling along the song as she focused on whipping slowly the dried mixture off her face.

He let her continue without saying a thing for a few seconds before he couldn't just not point it out so he said, "See?" and once again, earned a glare from her.

Only this time, she sang louder and danced more wholeheartedly, swaying her hips and moving her shoulders as she messily continued wiping the face mask off.

Alex smiled like an idiot at his phone, so entranced by Ella and her moves and her big smile and the way she was singing that she didn't notice someone had come outside and seen him, and was slowly approaching him in silence.

The sudden, "Al?" startled him and made him choke on the smoke he had inhaled.

He turned around coughing once before he saw who it was and he switched his pained grimace for a soft smile, "Oh, hi Alexa."

The second she heard the sudden voice, Ella stopped her loud and horrible singing and changed it to humming along with the tune and softly swaying her hips to not interrupt whatever interaction was about to happen.

The model smiled back at him and asked, "What are you doing out here alone?"

Alex lifted the half of the cigarette he had left to wordlessly tell her what he was doing, but then he turned the screen of his phone for her to see that he was in fact, "Not alone."

"Oh!" Alexa giggled, noticing the girl on Alex's phone and waved at her enthusiastically, "Hi!"

Ella looked at the screen when she heard the greeting ring through her speakers and when she saw Alex's ex on the screen, she felt so ugly with the stupid mask still on the bridge of her nose and one of her cheeks, whilst the gorgeous model looked flawless in her perfect makeup and dress.

She had never seen her before, other than the one time she googled her after the girls had told her that Alexa had been Alex's girlfriend when she met the singer, but she still felt so incredibly intimidated and an uncomfortable bitter and burning feeling settled in the pits of her chest.

Still, she put on a shy smile and waved back with a soft, "Hi!"

Alex retracted his phone after that and before he could continue speaking to Ella, Alexa asked, "Mind if I pinch one?"

Alex nodded, resting the cigarette between his lips to use the now free hand to pull out his packet and lighter and offer it to her. There was a heavy silence as Alexa picked a cigarette out and lit it up, taking a long drag and sighing in bliss. The sound of it somehow sounded louder than the music coming faintly from the party and Ella was then painfully aware that the moment she had with Alex had been cut.

So, fighting the pout that wanted to show on her face, she patted her face dry after having gotten everything off her skin and let him go, "I'll leave you to it, sweets. Enjoy yourself and keep the videos coming, please?"

Alex clearly let his sadness show with a childish pout that had Ella smiling like a fool, and she had to bite her bottom lip not to smile bigger when he sweetly replied, "Of course, darling. I'll call you later, yeah?"

"Okay sweets, it's a plan. Love you!" Ella's sweet tone rang through the speakers of his phone and Alexa couldn't help raising her brow in curiosity at the words that the unknown girl had just said.

And the model's curiosity heightened when she noticed the way Alex's cheeks had tinted pink, but it somehow was clear when she heard him say, "Love you too darling, bye!" back.

It might've been a long while since Alexa had spent time with Alex but, at the end of the day, there was a time she knew him as well as the back of her hand and so she wanted to know who it was that had stolen the singer's heart.

"Who was that?" Alexa asked genuinely curious, her voice had a timbre of amusement like she was teasing him that made Alex blush even more.

"Ella." He choked out, like a giggle was stuck in his throat. "She's uh..." He wanted to explain further because he knew Alexa could see through him at that very moment but there wasn't any other term to refer to Ella other than, "My best friend."

He wished there was more, but he couldn't just say she was the girl that plagued his dreams, or the one he wished was dragging him to the dancefloor of the party. The girl who he wanted to escape to the garden with to share a smoke and laugh about their drunk friends. The girl he wanted to take pictures and videos of all night and keep them all like a treasure in his stupid phone to watch back when he was on tour. The girl who he wished had caught the bouquet Katie threw and looked at him like it was a sign for them to share that unbreakable promise that didn't seem so scary if it was shared with her.

The fog was clearing up even more, something inside of him slowly shifting.

"Right." Alexa smirked, her voice coated in sarcasm that just told him how she didn't believe that one bit. She frowned though, noticing the way she was absent in such a big event for the group,  "Was she not invited?"

Alex took another drag before he answered, "She was. She just couldn't make it 'cos of work: she's filming this short film in Boston to submit to a film festival."

Alexa's brows shot up in wonder, "Oh so she's a filmographer?"

Alex nodded and explained further, "She's a director and photographer. Works with Ben and Aaron, they're all from Focus Creeps and the three usually record our music videos."

That's when she realized just how acquainted they must be, knowing just how many music videos the band had put out for the latest record. "Oh right, from LA then?" It was obvious that she was, the American accent giving the girl away but Alexa was nosey in a good way.

"Mhm. She's from Tennessee actually, but lives in LA." Alex felt the need to correct.

Alexa smirked once again then, coming closer to him just to nudge his hip with hers and tease, "Ooo a cowgirl."

Alex chuckled as heat traveled up to his face yet again, "A cowgirl."

"She sounds cool." Alexa said genuinely, she also looked cool with her Arctic Monkeys shirt on, that septum piercing she'd managed to notice on her and the many earrings littering her ears, as well as the tattoos on her skin.

"She really is." Alex reminisced about all that came to be Ella and he sighed. He really missed her.

When he looked down at his phone and saw the group picture that he had as a lockscreen of everyone at Glastonbury, he perked up and started chatting about her, "You should see the pictures she takes, she's fucking amazing."

All it took was Alexa saying, "Show me?" for Alex to unlock his phone and pull up Ella's instagram for Alexa to see.

The model scrolled through her Instagram page and her jaw fell the more she found. Not only did she find the pictures she'd take of landscapes and cities gorgeous, but the pictures of herself that she had posted were hot.

"Oh she's fit." Alexa concluded with a raise of her brows, as if silently congratulating Alex for being able to pull such a stunning woman.

"She's a photographer but not a model?" Alexa asked intrigued, she kept scrolling down and clicking on one that Alex knew very well: that picture of her wearing only a silver bikini and cowboy boots, leaning backwards on her forearms on her motorcycle with a cowboy hat that hid her face almost entirely, except for her agape mouth that made it look like she was moaning. "Why?! She's stunning and she already looks like one."

"I know! She should be one." Alex spoke like it brought him relief to hear someone agree with him, but he actually explained the reasoning Ella had once given him, "She doesn't enjoy being in front of the camera that much. At least not with strangers."

Alexa nodded, completely understanding the point, her gaze still caught up by the pictures on Ella's page. When she pulled one up of the girl naked and only covered by a flimsy white dress that was completely see-through under the sun in the picture, Alexa caught the singer just gawking and so she elbowed him to taunt him, "You'd like it if she was one, wouldn't you?"

Alex rolled his eyes, before shoving her playfully, "Oh shush." and Alexa laughed loudly at the way he continued to blush.

"When did you meet her?" She asked as she handed Alex his phone back.

And it was obvious how he froze in his place for a few seconds before pocketing his phone and then he warily replied, "Erm... Remember back in 2011 when me and the lads went to LA to record the Brick by Brick video?"

His ex's brows shot up when she realized it had been that long, "Ohhhh! Since then?"

"Yeah." Alex confirmed awkwardly, knowing that he had still been with her when he met Ella.

Just to mess with him, Alexa frowned and called him out in faux seriousness, "You never mentioned her." But when the model saw Alex's face fall and pale, she cackled loudly and corrected, "I'm joking!"

Still, Alex seemed like he was having a hard time even swallowing his own spit so Alexa taunted him once more but this time a bit more lightheartedly, "How many songs on the new record are about her then?"

It seemed it wasn't as lighthearted as she expected because he looked pained when she mumbled, "Alexa..." as if he was asking for mercy.

"What? I know you." Alexa shrugged, "I'll send you my guesses the next time I listen to it."

When Alex threw the bud of his cigarette to the ground and stomped on it, Alexa thought he was gonna walk out on her and leave her with an itch she couldn't scratch, so before that could even happen, she quickly blurted out, "Has she got a boyfriend?"

"No." Alex's voice was barely a whisper and if she wasn't right next to him then she wouldn't have heard him.

She cocked her head in confusion, it was clear that he fancied her so she had no idea why he hadn't made a move to get her already. "Then what's wrong?"

In total despair to be reminded of it all, Alex sighed heavily as he rubbed one of his eyes like he was tired of having to be in such a predicament, "I'm on tour."

He sounded so devastated by that simple fact that the corners of her lips fell in a pout and she side hugged him as she sadly cooed, "Awh, Al..."

It seemed like he needed the space to speak about it because, totally unprompted, Alex started talking, "She's wonderful, and I don't even think she likes me if I'm being honest. Florence says it's obvious she does but– I just don't want to fuck things up. Already did before and I'm afraid of losing her entirely if I take one wrong step."

Alexa sighed, feeling for her friend and took a few seconds to gather her thoughts to give an objective perspective on it, "If my opinion counts for anything, from just those few seconds I saw you on the phone to her, I can tell that there is certainly something there."

"Do you think?" Alex perked up at the thought. maybe if someone else could see it, especially if it was someone outside of their close group of friends, then it really meant there was a chance.

His heart leaped in his chest, and the wave of words he had been holding back for so long seemed to want to come out even if Ella wasn't there to hear. He just wanted to scream every thought that came to him about her out loud.

"Yeah, it was written all over her face." Alexa assured him with an honest smile.

Suddenly, he blurted out, "I see her again in June. We're playing in this festival in her hometown and she goes religiously every year. She cried when I told her we were in the lineup."

Alexa tried not to giggle at the sudden word vomit coming from him, and instead cooed over the fact that what he'd just said would happen, "Bless her! That's gonna be so special."

"It'll be. And I just can't wait to see her again and this time in her hometown. She came around to see us at Glasto and it was just— I can't even put into words how it felt having her here, at home, during that time. So I'm just really impatient for June and to see her in her home and just being all that she is at her core, you know?"

There was the word vomit again, Alexa hummed entirely amused by the way it was so obvious on his face, so she smirked again and decided to be more blunt about taunting him, "You really like her, don't you?"

And that was when that notion that had been creeping out of the corners of his mind jumped at him at full force, making him almost stumble in his feet. 'Like' wasn't enough to convey all that he felt when he thought of her, when she called or texted him, when he saw her in pictures, when he was able to have her in the same room as him and much less when he had her right there next to him.

I just wasn't enough and it would be unfair to downplay it, not when he ached so much to say it all to her and the first step was finally letting himself come to terms with it and god, didn't it feel freeing and like a massive weight lifting off his shoulders when he finally opened his mouth and started saying, "I think I'm–"

Alex stopped himself there, shaking his head like his thoughts had gotten blurry and it was stupid to use the words 'I think', because he was sure by then, there was no other way to describe it.

And so he said it correctly this time, "No. I am in love with her."

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A/N: It took him long enough, didn't it? What do you think will happen now that he's finally come to the realisation? I'm eager to hear your predictions heheheh. Finally being able to write that last scene was so fulfilling, I've had that planned out for so long and I'm just so excited for you all to read it!! We're so close to the end, it is actually so damn sad </3 But anyway, I hope you enjoyed this one and I hope to see you soon with the next one. Sending you lots of love, have a great weekend!! xx

Taglist: @imagine-that-100 @kennedy-brooke @faveficz @indierockgirrl @ladydraculasthings @moonvr @unwantedlovergirl @eaglestar31 @nikisfwn @funniestpersoninnyc @andrearroe @justacaliforniandreamer @alexturnersgf69 @yourorganiccigarette @chickenxdrum

[bunnieshoneys]

MIAMI GRAND PRIX ROUNDUP

still in shock tbh. my predictions pre-race didnt even put lando on the podium because after the sprint i really thought the ferraris had more pace.. LIKE A CLOWN

LANDO NORRIS YOU ARE A FORMULA ONE RACE WINNERRRRRRRRRRR god that was so nice to watch, and the sport sorely needed it. even me, as not a lando fan, was so happy to see a new race winner. (charles, you're next in imola!)

bonus: max sitting in the wrong seat in the pressers, charles laughing and pointing at the seat where he was SUPPOSED to sit, then max saying "if my mum had balls she'd be my dad" to defend lando's win... sir you are iconic i wish you didnt win so much.

oscar piastri :( man got fucked over. was driving so brilliantly too.

side note logan sacrificed for a lando win... sorry logan. i hope u know it was worth it

side note: carlos sainz.... oh my god. the whining on the radio shut it!! SHUT IT!! tbf the penalty was a little harsh imo (need to rewatch the incident) bc it was just good hard racing but i literally cant find any sympathy in my heart for him because of how he was racing/talking out there.

charles, p3, did alright, lapping on pace with the RBs at the end, not too shabby and those overtakes at the beginning of th second stint including the one on hamilton? clean as fuck.

hamilton lapping at similar speeds to perez?? what the hell are you doing here

OOOOOOH YUKI TSUNODAAAAA brilliant drive, so underrated as per usual, p7, more points, yoints, even, genuinely want to see him in a more competitive team so badly. he's performing 2020 gasly level now, and despite flopping slightly in the sprint/china (where i maintain it was mostly his lack of experience that fucked him up) he's SO BACK!!!!

we're looping back to carlos. im still so done with him. post-race yapping about piastri and how he couldve won if he pitted a lap later (????? bro was lapping slower than his teammate on OLDER tyres iirc) just... learn to stop. one of my least fav things about him compared to charles is that he never stops making excuses about how things just dont go his way, and-- yeah, thats what the sport is. can we move on? charles very clearly blamed himself for his own mistakes in japan and aus, and accepted he needed to work on it. sainz meanwhile is beefing with the most unbothered driver on the grid and asking for team orders on lap 5 lmaooo

on ferrari though, third fastest car, behind the RBs and norris (not counting piastri bc he was only running half upgrades) and to finish on the podium with NO upgrades when both RBR and mcl have now bought major upgrade packages is very, very good. if the imola upgrades work we could genuinely have a fight on our hands and im sat (im delusional).

daniel ricciardo nowhere again oops

mercedes also nowhere and lewis hamilton dragging that car past the haas fuelled by sheer spite? um

lewis starting behind his teammate and finishing 18 seconds ahead? ik my goat

ALPINE POINTS? insanity.

williams may or may not be in serious trouble they ar just not performing, even with alex.

kmag how many penalties do you need. stop

ok two weeks to imola. gonna do another post about the offtrack antics bc what the hell was in the air this week

[slimesaurian]

im gonna go on a rant in a sec. I'll try to cycle back and edit the top here to cw the post but if it takes too long and I forget or end up missing some im sorry

so a friend of mine just got outed to her ultra religious parents by her fucking shitty ex. it really fucking sucks and I so badly want to [redacted] the dude who did it. It especially sucks because like, I befriended this gal maybe a year into transition and she was still closeted/figuring stuff out at the time but would ask me some stuff about transition and I was happy to help. My first "baby trans" of being a woman who was out.

anyways her boyfriend seemed okay on twitter, tbh was always a bit annoying but then again who am I to judge. Our interactions were alright and it was just neat having some moots. Then twitter shat the bed and I made a lil friend server on discord for people I liked. I ended up sending a invite to both cuz they expressed interest and unfortunately the annoying vibes from boyf were correct. Dude would ping her in the server to get him to respond to their dms and say a buncha yikes things. I think he even mentioned being republican or smth which wasnt a hit in the "leftist tranny" discord server. Mostly he made peeps uncomfy but I was hesitant to give the boot to him because of his connection to someone I liked.

Then there was one point where I was in vc with him and baby trans messaged me saying "hey be careful with what you say around him" and then sent me a screenshot after he ended up going on a tirade against her for expressing interest in piercing her nipples at some point

1: bullshit lmao

2: very clearly controlling behavior and an implicit threat

at this point, i basically just stopped interacting with the dude in the server. I very much wanted to kick him, both from the server and irl but I was worried about escalating things and putting my friend in danger so I kinda just bit my tongue. eventually they broke up and I asked whether she'd like me to kick him or not and she told me she I didnt have to if I were comfy with him. I still didnt kick cuz I was worried about retaliation but my man was on thin ice, especially because I had just settled into a new place after fleeing a controlling man so I was not pleased with him.

Anyways then I made a joke about being gay in my sapphic tranny server and he was like "Wait, you like MEN????". Honestly, I had never felt like you could hear a pin drop in a digital space before. Anyways yeah I pulled out the boot after that.

Then dude was insistent on vc'ing me to "talk about what happened" and wouldnt stop messaging me trying to set up this call rather than just explain in text. Honestly I got the vibe this was intentional, I've had too many HR meetings to really buy that shit any more. I decided to entertain him just to get him off my back but then he kept pushing me so I eventually said I'll think about it. dude kept pushing and pushing me over text for updates for the next three days where I honestly just fucking ghosted him because of other life shit. Eventually I caved and told him to give me some space because I needed it and he went off about "Do you see how thats better than no response?" and then went on to talk about how "this issue isnt that big in the first place"

At that point I just never talked to him again. I figured his beef was with me and he has no leverage so I'm safe and hopefully baby trans is safe. Anyways fast forward half a year and god damn this girl has blossomed in the presence of other folks helping her through this stuff (if you end up reading this somehow, love you girl 💗). Unfortunately she learns that shitty ex has told ppl she cheated on him and thats why they broke up (girl absolutely has been too timid to pursue anything since, this is 100% a boldfaced lie. But gosh you rly should ask alex out already). She ends up making a very calm post clearing the air about how this isnt the case and she didnt feel safe around him due to the threat of being outed (above). No @'s, no names, just a simple post.

And then her dad gets a text talking about every little thing that could be used against her, from her caffeine addiction (lmfao) to her not rly being christian and eats weed gummies. Oh and, you know, she "wants to identify as a woman and have started taking drugs for hormone replacement therapy". As an aside, the text mentions she's "been dating a man for a year now" and "have sucked a couple of dicks". but who's dick i wonder 🤔. Also she's "never liked women and is attracted to penises" if this werent so fucking awful id be laughing my ass off.

The text ends with "I'd suggest confronting [deadname] about this since they're clearly out of your control and could learn a lesson about insubordination and respect". Not rly being subtle there bud. Anyways, me and my friends have spent all fucking day making sure our gal is safe and has a place to stay and are emotionally supporting her and I'm just so fucking angry. Her entire life has been uprooted, her autonomy violated, her existence endangered because this fucking prick decided he wants to be a petty motherfucker. For the record, she has temporary housing and is safe right now, but she's going to come out of this with such deep scars.

I think the worst part is, is that he's got a lot of trans women friends/mutuals. He was practically bragging about it in my server. Other trans womrn are in danger around this man and his vindictive rage but I dont have the energy to do anything more than try being there for my friend and help her through this. I'm just angry and sad and worried and tired. I hate this man. I hate people like him. I hate the fact that he will more than likely never face any sort of consequences for ruining someone else's life. I hate that society makes him feel comfortable where he is. I fucking hate.

I'm trying so hard to not succumb to hate and become this jaded feral beast but it's just so hard. its so hard seeing everyone i care about in this fucked up world get hurt over and over and over again. It's so hard seeing all this violence and pain and choosing to fight back with love. Every time someone i love is hurt it feels like a chunk of my flesh is taken along with it. a core of my being is robbed because I need to help. i need to be there. i need to counterract the world. but its not enough and itll never be enough and ill just wear myself thinner and thinner each day until all thats left is my bones bleaching in the sun. but what else can i do? the rabid dog gets put down. i just want to be safe and help my friends be safe and i want us all to live.

i dont know any more.

edit:

I think one of the worst parts is knowing that it's within my power to hurt him back. Like, he's told me the general area where he lives in the past and it's honestly not hard to narrow details down from there if you're dedicated. I could realistically make this fucker fear for his life. But then I'd be one of those radical violent transgenders who dared to bare her teeth at the society that uses and beats and breaks and kills her kind. I have to rise past it. I have to choke this rising bile in my throat back down and be a good girl for a chance to be granted the fucking right to live. I have to sit and feel my heart break and break and break and break and break every single day so some smug white boys won't ever have to experience the fear of god for the slightest moment.

[indigodatum]

More Evidence!

As we got Orange back into the mix a few episodes ago I had a theory, and every time they're around I get more convinced that I am absolutely right.

Orange is not in Deerland after the events of Season 1.

From Season 2 Episode 4 as they talk with Mrs. Frye she's clearly discussing Larks and Birdsong and their response is that it sounds bizarre. From the beginning of Season 1 Larks seemed to be a known quantity to all of the Department. The fact that they have no idea what any of the implications of this could be says to me they're in a much earlier point in time

Now as we see them again they mention that they're now sure that there's Department business in Deerland. Sure everything that we've seen of them suggests that they operate on instinct and intuition, but that doesn't sound like they know anything about a Jasmine Control to know she's the same as the missing girl they're pursuing.

In new episode there's a reference to the movements of the thin-head or earworm as looking odd "in the twin moons' light".

Then, after running into the earworm, they want a coffee, an espresso, but cold and nicotine and are unfamiliar with the fact that iced coffees are totally a thing and vapes are a bit of an alien concept to them and Lena, our waitress, still labors under the belief that she can use vapes to actually quit nicotine, all of which tracks with my memories of about a decade ago.

Everything about this episode really seems to confirm that idea concretely, but I bring it up because my theorizing up there is nothing but a foundation for my real speculation. Olivia had always been a part of this group going out to the State Park in Scarlet's memory.

Back in Season 1 when Scarlet first mentioned that she had some kind of history with variance she brings up that she was out with "A close friend, Darryl, and... someone else." First time I heard it I thought she was just unsure of how to describe the 4th member of the party, but the second time I think I thought that she was trying to hide their identity. But after we got into Season 2 I started a relisten, and I don't think that she properly remembered who was out there with her.

Then when Jasmine went on her first Jaunt she went into Scarlet's memory and she *knew* that she saw Scarlet despite never having met her, and then the second person she later confirmed was Violet, then she was convinced that Ivory Torment, the doppleganger, had followed her into the narrative pause of the Jaunt because someone with her face stepped out of the Jeep. We're told this is all impossible, but this is a job where everyone regularly interacts with fictional and semifictional entities. With all else occurring this slipped through the cracks of discussion. (Besides, there was flirting to be done)

When we get Scarlet's view of sitting in this memory, she says it feel like she'd always been friends with Jasmine. Now given the way nostalgia plays high in the powers and effect of Birdsong and the Larks I thought it was just how everything plays with your memory, but what if she's just accessing memories that'd been fucked with before pushing them aside.

As Jasmine got trapped and we ended Season 1 I wondered how she was going to act in the past now, but we discovered she's actually in a memory, but not like on a jaunt where she's watching from afar and not interacting. With that revelation I started racing my mind to figure out how the memory, the dream, was going to explain her introduction to this group

Later, again in Estranged from Grace, when talking with the garage band the response is not to say that she's so much older, a "decrepit twenty something" in the words of Nadia. They discuss how she was a prep and "in different social circles". This implies that she's somehow the same rough age cohort as the kids. Same as Nadia and Alex.

Almost identically, Lena has her own thoughts about her. Lena's been putting together the breadcrumbs of variance that get things grabbed out at the State Park. She notes that the "gay girl" was one who went totally missing. So did the teen from Guatemala, but I don't think we've run into them yet.

I think all of this means we'll get to the end of the season where our Trio and Orange will meet up. Jasmine/Olivia will find a way to conceal the exact nature of how much interaction Alex and Nadia had with all of it, and so that only she gets the full mind wipe, while Alexa and Nadia are just made to forget how they knew her because she works out that's how it always had happened. Orange clearly didn't report much of it, though, but Orange doesn't seem one who loves paperwork and reporting. We know this because Olivia is grabbed as an example of someone with zero exposure to Variance. Which, considering both how Scarlet mentioned that queerness is its own form of Variance and Jasmine's line, "She's bi, I'm bi, everyone is bi!", suggests that even more of her life has been concealed from Yellow's plan. The question is whether Orange intended on messing with the plan or if the universe just enjoys messing with her.

[missmortox]

Do you think they were ever happy?

I don't think Alida's ever been "happy" in her life. The reason I think this is she's a trust fund baby who's gotten everything she's ever wanted. Including a Skarsgard. Someone who doesn't know the value of a dollar and who has never had to work for anything doesn't *want* anything (or know what it is to want anything) there's no way to make someone like that happy. I'd feel sorry for her if she didn't act like such a wannabe toxic influencer who needs their ass kissed just because they fucked a celebrity. I think that this lack of wanting for anything probably explains her alcoholism and possible substance abuse because she's never happy so she has to seek out intoxication instead. As for Bill, I think he thought he was happy at first because she was a drunk party girl and he was still in his drunk party boy phase and maybe it was genuine for a moment but it obviously didn't last. If you mean has Bill ever been happy in general, yeah he definitely was before Alida and before Oona was born.

Also do you think A was maybe just willfully ignorant or she's really just will do anything for attention?

It's pretty obvious that Alida will do anything for attention. Bad or good. She's been doing it for years. I'm also sure that it wasn't a mistake to have dozens of photos and videos of Oona posted (or her name) when Bill wanted it private. I'm sure it wasn't a mistake for her to willingly give the press the name of her second daughter, Minou. Alida clearly changes her behavior and adjusts what she can based on what is written about her. On top of that she took a long ass break from acting until she got with Bill and then suddenly she wants to be an actress again. If she wasn't an egotistical nightmare she'd be able to see, clearly, she has no talent compared to Bill or anyone else she "acts" with. think she wants to be part of a famous Hollywood power couple and I think she wanted Alex but settled for Bill.

Do you think she really wants to be famous, no matter the cost?

I mean obviously she does. If she didn't she'd stop doing what she's doing. Literally giving a tabloid the name of your daughter to publish like you are a famous celebrity when you absolutely are not, is one of the most selfish, attention whoring, stupid things you can do. There's no way Alida wasn't the one to leak it to them. There's no way Alida wasn't the one to make them publish that article. There's just the icing on the cake of what she will do on a long list of horrible things she has done to get attention. This woman wants it all and it's the one thing money can't buy if you're literally such a bad actress that even fucking a Skarsgard can't launch your career into anything decent.

Even at b and the kids expense?

She posted nudes of Oona on her public instagram. She leaked Minou's name to the press. She's posted several photoshopped images of her and Bill to pretend they are a couple. She posted secret videos she took of private moments with him. Photos that he clearly didn't want posted etc. She will and has used them for whatever the hell gets her the fame and attention she's seeking

It seems she's been adjacent to well-known people in Sweden but she's never had fame

It's more accurate to say she's had infamy. Since she was young she's had a reputation and has been well known as the spoiled, bratty, drunken daughter of Per Morberg. Since well before Bill people were posting comments about her being untalented/ugly/a nepo baby. Her own behavior caused this because she has sisters who have stayed out of the media, away from backlash, and one who isn't even heard from. She hasn't had fame because she doesn't have talent. For literally anything. The only people that will hire her are daddy's friends, men she's fucked, or other family connections she has. No one really wants her in their production they get somehow coerced into it. Everyone with even a small percentage of talent can see that she's not a good actress, she can't 'model' and she's relaly not worth anyone's time. Even being attached to Bill she can't get brands to sponsor her because she's so awful people see what she's wearing and think "God, I'd never buy that if she likes it". In the end, Alida is a desperate fame hungry attention whore and she'll step on everyone to get whatever attention she can, no matter what it costs her or the people around her. If she wasn't, she'd have changed her behavior well before now.

[katya-goncharov]

one silver lining about wayward sisters not getting picked up is that i can just headcanon alex and patience as aroace or whatever i feel like, and there's not really anything to contradict it

[spaceman-earthgirl]

Hello, lovely, Jess! If you're open to a prompt, could you maybe do one with Lena texting Alex letting her know she'd be out of town, and Alex lets her know she's with Kara and Lena asks how's she doing and Alex tells her. Lena changes her plans (it could go either way with her postponing her trip or calling Kara up and inviting her to come along since they both could use each other's company with everything that's happened plus Kara leaning in and all that they have some things to talk about).

Based loosely on this prompt but also what I wanted to happen at the end of the episode.

---

Kara’s page is still blank, besides the title blinking back at her. She’d told Alex she knew what she was going to write for her article, but words aren’t forming in her mind, it keeps slipping back, to that fear, to that cold, the only thing keeping her grounded right now is Alex still pressed into her side.

So, she focuses on that instead, on her sister’s warmth, her steady heartbeat, the smell of her shampoo and the sound of each breath, reminding Kara that she’s still here, that she’s home.

Kara hears the message tone of Alex’s phone sound from her sister’s pocket, hears her sister shuffle slightly to get access to it. She wonders if it’s Kelly, wondering where her girlfriend is. She selfishly hopes it isn’t, hopes Alex doesn’t have to leave, hopes her sister will stay a bit longer. She’d meant what she said before, she doesn’t want to be alone anymore.

“Lena’s leaving.”

The words startle Kara. She knows, she’s been trying very hard not to think about it. She swallows. “I know, she called me earlier.” It had been a hard conversation, Kara almost asking her to stay as Lena told her she was leaving. But she hadn’t, she’d bit her tongue, held back her tears, and wished Lena good luck. She didn’t want to be selfish with Lena, she wanted her to be able to find the answers she was looking for, she deserves that much.

But that doesn’t mean she’s not upset that she’s leaving, that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t wish Lena could’ve stayed here, with her.

“Hey, are you okay?” Alex asks, Kara not realising that tears are spilling from her eyes again until Alex wipes a hand across her cheek.

“I-“ The words get caught in her throat as Alex wraps her arms around her again. She presses her face into Alex’s shoulder, her breaths coming in gasps as she thinks more about Lena, how she’s going away, how she won’t be near, how she won’t be able to just listen for her heartbeat across the city or drop on her balcony to see her.

She wonders if she listens now, will she still be able to hear Lena’s heartbeat? Or has she already left.

She doesn’t test the idea, not sure how she’ll react if she can’t hear it now.

“I’ve got you, you’re home,” Alex says, whispering reassurances as she holds Kara, Kara’s breaths coming quicker at the words, turning to sobs because she is home, but Lena’s also her home, and she’s acutely aware that she’s missing.

Eventually, Kara’s breathing slows, as she focuses on Alex, on her warm hand on her back and the quiet words she’s still whispering. She wipes at her eyes, shifts so her head falls to Alex’s shoulder, not quite ready to let her go but also not wanting to look her in the eye yet either.

Alex moves again, not away, but she reaches for her phone once more. Kara wonders if she’s texting Kelly, to tell her she won’t be home tonight.

She asks just in case.

“Will you stay tonight?”

“Of course.” Alex squeezes her hand. “I’m not going anywhere.”

They sit like that for a while longer, Kara listening to Alex tell her stories of things she’d missed while she was away. Only the good things, Kara notices, but she likes that, likes to imagine that if she had never come back, they’d all be okay.

A knock at the door cuts Alex off mid sentence, both turning to glance at the door from their position still seated on the floor.

“I’ll get it, don’t worry, it’s probably just Kelly,” Alex says, pressing a kiss to the side of Kara’s head as she stands.

Kara doesn’t check, just turns back to her computer screen, the blank page almost taunting her now. Andrea is not going to be happy if she doesn’t write anything, but Kara finds right now, she doesn’t care.

“Lena?”

The name catches Kara’s attention, her eyes flashing quickly to where Alex is at the door, and there, standing in her doorway, is Lena.

Kara’s breath catches as Lena’s eyes meet hers, pressure building behind Kara’s eyes again. She tries to hold the sudden tears at bay and usually she wouldn’t listen to a conversation across the room, usually she’d let it just be a dull murmur, but not this time, this time she’s tuned in to every word, tuned into the quick heartbeat of the woman at the door.

“Can I see Kara?” Lena asks, her eyes still on Kara even though she’s talking to Alex.

“Of course, come in.”

Lena’s eyes never leave Kara’s as she crosses the room.

Kara thinks she might break under her look.

Lena only hesitates for a moment before she removes her shoes, taking the seat Alex had occupied only a moment ago, tucking her legs beneath her. She’s not touching Kara once she’s settled, but she’s close, close enough that Kara can feel her warmth beside her.

“Hi,” Kara swallows, fresh tears welling in her eyes despite her best efforts to keep them away. “What are you doing here?”

“Your sister texted,” Lena says, her voice low, the sound washing over Kara. “I wanted to come and see you before I left.”

Oh, so that’s who Alex must’ve been texting earlier.

Speaking of Alex, she can see her sister in her peripheral vision, lingering in the kitchen. She’s glad her sister is giving them some space.

“When do you leave?” Kara manages to ask as she reaches out, fingers brushing the hem of Lena’s jacket, just to make sure she’s actually here.

“Soon, the jet is waiting for me, whenever I’m ready.”

There’s a long pause after Lena’s words, her eyes still on Kara. It makes Kara want to retreat, want to hide, want to shut her eyes and hope Lena can’t see everything that’s going through Kara’s mind right now.

“I hope you find what you’re looking for,” Kara eventually says, fighting back tears and the other words that rise in her throat, words that ask Lena to stay, or words that tell Lena how she feels. That’s not what Lena needs right now.

“Kara, I-“ Lena starts, stops herself as she looks away. When she looks back, there are tears in her eyes too. Kara reaches out when one spills, catches it with her thumb, wipes it from Lena’s cheek.

“Come here,” Kara says, tugging Lena forward and then they’re hugging, Kara needing the contact as much as Lena does, if the way the other woman leans into the embrace is any indication.

“Come with me,” Lena says, the words brushing against Kara’s neck as she says them. If Kara didn’t have superhearing, she might have missed them but she hears them loud and clear.

“What?” Kara asks anyway, pulling away to look at Lena, so close now in their half embrace.

“I want to find out more about my mother, I do, but that’s only part of the reason I was leaving.” Lena’s fingers tangle in the collar of Kara’s sweater. “I was leaving, or running is more of an apt description, I was running because it scared me, how much I felt, seeing you again. I was running to give myself some space to sort out my feelings, but then Alex texted and said you were upset and I couldn’t leave, I just couldn’t, not knowing you were upset. You mean too much to me and I was stupid to ever try to leave, not when the thought of being away from you again hurts so much.

“So, come with me, you deserve a break too. Or I’ll stay here, whatever you want.”

Kara’s crying now too as she leans forward, her forehead falling to rest against Lena’s. She takes a deep breath, feels like she can properly breathe for the first time since Lena told her she was leaving, knowing she’s not losing her.

“You’ll really stay, if I ask you too?” Kara asks, hands at the back of Lena’s neck, holding her close, hoping this isn’t some dream she’s about to wake up from.

“I will,” Lena says, the words brushing against Kara’s mouth as Lena tilts forward and then Kara doesn’t really think about it, she just acts, her chin tipping up slightly and then she’s kissing Lena, lips molding under hers as Lena kisses back, no hesitance in the touch.

It only lasts a few moments, before they’re pulling away, but it’s like Kara’s whole world has been flipped on its head, warmth spreading through her body, finally feeling warm after all those cold days and nights in the Phantom Zone.

“I don’t want to lose you,” Kara says, fingers tangling in the hair at Lena’s neck.

“You won’t,” Lena replies, and she sounds so sure, that Kara believes her.

“Can we stay here for a bit?” Kara asks, eyes finding Alex in the kitchen, who’s staring at them, wide-eyed. Clearly, she wasn’t the only one who didn’t see this coming. “I’m not ready to leave Alex yet.” She turns back to Lena, finds the other woman smiling at her. “But then later, in a few weeks, I’d really like to go away with you, help you find more out about your mother.”

“Of course,” Lena says. She tilts her head again, but this time to press a kiss to Kara’s forehead. “I’d really like that too.”

Her article gets abandoned, but Kara doesn’t care, not when she ends up on the couch, a movie playing on the TV screen that’s she’s barely paying attention to. Alex is on one side of her, head resting on Kara’s shoulder, snoring lightly, and on the other is Lena, their tangled hands resting in Lena’s lap as Lena plays with her fingers.

Kara never thought she’d feel this happy ever again but here she is, back with her sister and her best friend who isn’t just her best friend anymore.

[freindly-neighbourhood-anarchist]

🎰🍷dancing with him at a ball🍷🎰

🍷☾︎𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐒𝐌𝐏 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦! 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫☽︎🍷

Art by: Inozuart

Go and check out their speed paint they did of this beautiful art on youtube!

🍷☾︎𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 : 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐛𝐮𝐫, 𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐭𝐲🍷

𝐀/𝐍: Highkey simping over the TNT duo right now, ngl. Quackity is just getting better and better- Definitely gonna do these prompts with Ranboo, Tubbo and Tommy. I just think that it would be really cute to dance with them at a ball lol

____________________________________________

                             ☠︎︎☾︎ʀᴇᴠɪᴠᴇʙᴜʀ☽︎☠︎︎

To say it was strange to see Wilbur Soot standing near a bar and drinking a glass full of blood-red wine would be a complete understatement.

(Y/n) had never spoken to him fully before, they more so made a lot of conversation they could build off of but neither decided to go through with it. (Y/n) hung around Alex, George, Sapnap and Karl more so than the rest of the SMP.

Hence why she was forced to go to this god forbidden ball.

She sat at a stool near the corner of the huge ballroom, her body wrapped in a tight and mildly uncomfortable maroon coloured dress.

'End me.' She thought mindlessly as she took another large swig of tequila, watching everyone dance around and laugh with eachother.

George, Sapnap and Karl weren't invited to the ball, she noted.

She had heard that they weren't on good terms with Quackity as of late, and he was the one who threw this ball.

She may have been lonely at this ball, but she felt as though eyes were on her at all times. It was weird. Very weird.

Every once in a while, her eyes would land on Wilbur's tall form. He seemed lonely as well, a bored and unamused expression on his stitched face.

His eyes were kept still on Tommy who was dancing around with Tubbo and Ranboo, who both had large grins on their faces.

(Y/n) found it cute that even after dying and coming back, Wilbur still held a sort of fondness towards Tommy.

She doesn't blame him, Tommy was a good kid.

A kid that's been through too much.

The girl frowned deeply and took another shot of tequila. And just like that, the eyes were on her again. Her eyes shot from her tequila that she was swirling to Wilbur, eyes widening slightly when they met with his harsh brown eyes.

He kept eye contact, eyebrows raising slightly at her in interest before he sent her a small smile, a fake one. (Y/n) could tell it was fake from a mile away. It was one of those smiles that you give strangers as they walk passed you on a sidewalk.

Huffing out a condescending chuckle, the girl rolled her eyes at him and shook her head, drinking the last of her tequila and went back to watching everyone dance.

The action clearly stirred more curosity within him, because all of a sudden he felt himself walk over to her with a wine bottle in hand and two wine glasses in the other.

(Y/n) was snapped from her daze when she heard someone clear their throat from beside her. Her head snapped up and met with his dead-cold eyes again.

There was silence before she spoke up, her tone sharp yet inviting," Can I help you, sir?" She spoke mockingly, eyebrow raised.

Eyes swirling with amusment, the man tilted his head to the side, his white tuft of hair following with the motion along with the rest of his curly, brown locks." Mind if I sit here, ma'am?" He replied with a smiliar mocking undertone to his voice.

Clicking her tongue a little, she nodded her head to the chair on her left lazily," Knock yourself out." She droned out, frowning at the sight of her empty glass.

She was too lazy to go to the bar.

'Guess I'll die.' She thought.

"You a wine girl?" Wilbur hummed out curiously, hoping to God she'd say yes otherwise he brought another glass over for no reason and probably looked like a dumbass now-

"I'm an,' anything with alcohol in it' kind of girl." She reassured him.

'Thank fuck.' He hid his relief with sly smile," Ah, a woman after my own heart." He flirted, pouring out a glass of wine for both her and him.

She 'tched' and took the glass," You have a heart? Pfft." She grumbled, taking a long sip of the wine. The wine burned at the back of her throat before bursting into a wonderful grape flavour mixed with cherry." Mm.. Good wine."

"Very good wine." Wilbur nodded in agreement, a content look on his face.

A comfortble silence sat between them and they both decided to enjoy their wine in peace.

(Y/n) watched as Eret and Fundy joined in with Tommy, Tubbo and Ranboo. They looked like good friends dancing together. Reminded the girl of how her friendship was with George, Sapnap, Karl and Alex.

Now? It's just her.

She tried to keep the friendship from falling apart, but then Kinoko Kingdom happened and everything went to utter shit.

Las Nevadas, it was wonderful. Paradise. But it wasn't for (Y/n).

So when Quackity had asked if she wanted to join him, she refused respectfully but still said she was willing to help him with whatever he needed at all.

He was flattered, but disappointed at how she had decided against joining Las Nevadas.

She always wonders how her life would've turned out if she had accepted the invite.

"You want to dance?" The question was sudden.

When she looked up at him to see if he was joking, she was surprised to see how serious yet calm his expression was.

Raising an eyebrow, she swirled the wine in her glass and crossed her legs over one another," I'm not very good at dancing."

"And you think I am?"

She gave him a confused look," Aren't you? You look like the kinda guy that would be brilliant at ballroom dancing." She hummed out.

He chuckled raspily, eyes soft," I'm flattered, but trust me, I'm no better at dancing than Tommy." He assured her.

She looked him up and down, unconvinced before she sighed a little, giving in. She was too tired to argue at this point.

She stood up from her chair abruptly, even surprising Wilbur at the fact she had agreed. Giving him a stern yet soft look, she nodded," Let's dance then, Frankenstein."

Then she made her way to the dance floor, making Wilbur scramble from his chair with an eager grin.

They stood facing eachother before Wilbur held his hand to her, a grin tilting onto his lips," May I compliment you on your appearance this evening? You are among the brightest of flowers." He spoke with suave.

The girl blushed and she took his hand quickly, squeezing it a little." No need to flatter me, Wilbur. I am very well aware my dress is rather ugly this evening." She grumbled out grouchily.

He stared directly into her eyes,"Your dress? I hadn't noticed it." He said smoothly, his eyes never left hers," I'm sure it looks amazing on you."

The music began, saving (Y/n) from having to answer. The hand on her waist was firm and soft, almost like it was keeping her safe.

They stepped in line with eachother, (Y/n) messed up every once in a while and managed to step on her own feet and Wilbur's the first couple of minutes before she finally got into the swing of things.

Glaring up at him, she pouted," You liar."

He grinned cheekily at her," Hm? I don't believe I know what you're talking about."

" Whatever you say, Mr. I'm worse than Tommy at dancing." She rolled her eyes.

"I never said I was worse than him. Honestly, anyone can be better than him at dancing. Let's face it."

For the first time that whole night, a small and genuine smile broke out across the girl's lips. Wilbur was enamoured by how her whole face lit up just by the slight tilt of her lips.

She looked beautiful.

"Leave Tommy alone, the kid tries his best." She smiled out.

"He does." He nodded earnestly, a little smile on his lips," I don't deserve him."

"You don't." (Y/n) spoke rather bluntly, but she still had a soft smile on her lips as she spoke her next words," but as much as he doesn't want to admit it, the kid needs you a lot. You're his big brother." She looked at the blonde-haired teen who was laughing at Ranboo who had spilled juice over Tubbo by accident. Her smile widened and her eyes were warm,"... you might just be the luckiest man in the world."

His breath was stolen from him at her words, and he couldnt help but agree with her due to the current circumstances.".... yeah... you could say that."

He held her closer to him by the waist, holding her other hand tightly and securly." So... Where did you learn to dance, Frankenstein?" She teased him, eyes bright with mischief.

A little laugh slipped through his lips," is this the nickname you'll be sticking to now?"

"You know it."

"Oh, great." He sighed out half-disappointedly before he decided to answer her question." When I was younger, my mother used to give me a lot of dance lessons with Technoblade. I requested them because I wanted to learn how to dance for this mermaid girl I had come to befriend."

"Oooh~" the girl raised her eyebrows suggestively," You're pretty romantic when you want to be, you know that?"

He shrugged, cheeks tinted a light pink that was barely noticable," the first time I'm hearing this." He admitted.

"Well... Frankenstein, you're pretty goddamn romantic when you want to be."

He grinned slyly," so you find me romantic, huh? Is that a sign for anything in particular, orrr?..."

The girl snorted a little," Hm? I don't believe I know what you're talking about." She repeated his own words.

He laughed," Touché, touché. You win this round."

Soon, the dance came to an end and the two were left still in eachother's arms, staring at eachother with enamoured looks on their faces.

Then the girl smiled at him," it wouldn't be bold of me to ask for another dance... Would it?" She requested, hope swirling in her gemstone-like irises.

"Not at all," A genuinely happy and charmed grin curled on his lips at her words and he held her body still," thought you would never ask, (Y/n)."

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⚠︎🎰 ༄𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐭𝐲༄🎰⚠︎

(Y/n) hadn't intended to be attending Quackity's party, in fact, she wasn't supposed to be attending.

She wasnt invited.

Supposing this is what she gets for not going along with Alex's whole 'Las Nevadas' gig. She prompted to stay with her friends in Kinoko Kingdom instead, thinking that Quackity wouldve done the same.

But she thought wrong.

So, so incredibly wrong.

You see, have you ever felt the feeling whenever you grow so incredibly close to someone to the point where you think you know them better than anyone else? That's how (Y/n) had felt with Alex. She was so sure that he wouldve chosen her and his friends over some nation that seemed to be setting itself up as a land of secrets and mystery.

From what she's heard, Quackity only grew all the more mysterious and distant.

He was so distant.

(Y/n) couldnt remember the last time she had seen him. The last time she's had a decent conversation.

The last time her heart fluttered around him.

She missed him, truly she did. Sometimes she debated abandoning Kinoko Kingdom in favour of running into Alex's oh-so-welcoming arms.

But her morals told her otherwise. She chose, for once in her life, to not follow her heart. But now, here she was, completely going against what her close friends had told her not to do.

She was being drawn to him again.

Using her heart to make important decisions.

And as she opened the large doors to the ballroom, all time seemed to freeze around her. Eyes shot towards her in curiosity, some with joy at being able to see her again and some with malice.

Alex was no different to the latter.

As soon as his dark eyes had met with her ethereal gemstone-like ones, he felt a buzz of electricity travel up his spine.

He couldnt diferientiate between the feeling of anger and slight awe at her beauty.

The girl fumbled with her fingers awkwardly before she sent him a shy wave, her smile soft-yet panicked as her eyes scanned over his new features.

He looked so different.

And she couldn't tell if it was the good kind of different or not.

At her shy wave, Alex cleared his throat and nodded respectfully as a goodbye to who he was talking to, which thankfully was Sam, and then he began making his way over to (Y/n).

A scowl curled onto his lips, his eyes darker than ever.

The eyes that made her feel warm and safe now froze her down to her very core.

When he was right up to her face, standing in front of her, that's when she knew--

This wasn't the Alex she had fallen in love with.

"What the hell are you doing here..." he muttered lowly to her, he grabbed her bare arm tightly- but it wasnt tight enough to hurt her, surprisingly. Then he dragged her to the exit, shoving her rather roughly outside, shitting the door behind him.

"We-well I-... If I-I'm being completely honest, I didnt exactly have a plan to come here, I just really wanted to see y-" he interrupted her.

"You didnt have a plan?? (Y/n)-- What the actual fuck makes you think I'd ever want you here?!" He was furious, eyes burning a bright fire, a fire even Sapnap couldnt withstand. " I actually cant believe you thought coming here would be a good idea. Are you actually as dumb as you were when we were still talking to eachother? You havent fucking changed."

She flinched at his harsh words but she covered up how hurt she was," Well- if you would let me explain myself, then maybe you'd understand why I'm here."

The casino owner took off his beanie, running a hand through his messy raven locks in frustration before he settled the hat back on his head," Make this damn quick. Because, in case you havent noticed, I have guests to entertain."

Gulping, the girl but her lip nervously out of habit," I know... I know I'm the last person you want to see. I know you hate my guts. But... Alex, I genuinely miss you." She spoke sincerely, eyes glassy beneath the moonlight," when I heard you were throwing this party... I couldnt help myself. I needed to see you... to hear you... to talk. God-- Just listening to you makes me so happy already." Her lip trembled," So please... let me hear you... let me see you. I'm begging... can we please talk?"

Brushing off the rush of heat that crossed his tanned cheeks, Alex looked away from her stubbornly.

He didnt want to give in easily.

But when it came to her, he was always put under a spell.

"Lo que sea.... fine." He sighed out, running a hand over his face in irritation, wincing whenever his fingers brushed over his scar." Come sit over here." He gestured to a bench that sat next to a long river that went off into the ocean, the moon reflected off of the clear water as did the stars.

The two sat next to eachother, the gap between them representing how distant they are from eachother.

"So? Talk." He prompted her, leaning back into the bench rather lazily, looking up at the sky.

Cheeks warming with happiness, she couldnt help but smile at finally being able to talk to him after so long," Thank you so much... I've been wanting to talk to you for so long after everything that happen-... What happened to your eye?" She whispered, suddenly noticing the long scar that ran over his eye and eyelid and then down to his lips.

"Oh yeah- you werent here for that," he jabbed at her," This was all Techno's doing." He gestured all over." Sorry that I'm not the perfect guy that you used to be friends with anymore."

She knew he wasnt sorry.

In fact, she knew that with his new self, he was a lot more confident.

Free.

She liked that.

Smiling at him, she shook her head," dont be silly. If this change makes you happy, then I'm happy."

His heart thumped harshly, making him clear his throat to cover up the noise in case she had heard his loud heart.

"I was just worried but... it looks kind of good on you-- err... not in a weird way or anything." She tried to cover up her slip-up," Anyways... that's not what I came here to talk abou-"

"Do you wanna dance?"

The girl's eyes widened at the sudden suggestion, gazing over Alex's features with shock. His tanned cheeks were red and he was avoiding all eye contact, eyebrows furrowed.

"... come again?" She stuttered out, her throat felt like it was closing up.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes," I asked if you wanted to dance."

The girl's heart did flips in her ribcage as her eyes fluttered,"I-... I would love to." She nodded, wobbly smile on her painted lips.

The man stood from the bench and held a hand out to her, trying his best to not smile when she eagerly grabbed it, stars in her eyes.

He moved her soft hand to his neck, making it rest there, (Y/n) then moved her other arm to wrap around his neck as well. Alex then settled his calloused hands on her pretty waist, pulling her body close to him.

He was afraid she would slip away from him again.

In truth, he had missed a hell of a lot as well, maybe even more so than she missed him.

He always debated visiting her or arranging to meet up with her, but his plans always got in the way and blurred his desire for her.

But seeing her tonight, all dressed up for him, it made him want to fall in love with her all over again.

The two swung side to side, the faint music from the ballroom guiding the two of them. Quackity rested his chin on top of her head as the girl turned her head to the side, resting her ear against his chest and listening to his thumping heartbeat.

"You look amazing." He muttered to her.

"You too... well... yeah, no you look amazing."

He chuckled lightly," why'd you hesitate?"

"Well... I wanted to think of a better word for amazing but my heart is beating too loudly for me to think properly..." she admitted.

At her heartfelt confession, Alex felt himself smile warmly for once in a long time.

He felt like a teenager in love again.

"Yeah... I feel that too." He muttered, inhaling the scent of her vanilla shampoo, biting off the dreamy sigh that threatened to spill from his lips." (Y/n)... why didnt you join me? "

The dreaded question.

"If I'm being honest... I thought you wouldve joined Kinoko Kingdom with me."

Quackity's heart clenched at the thought.

So she felt just as betrayed as he did, that makes sense to him now.

"I debated going to join Las Nevadas everyday, but I knew that meant leaving George, Sap and Karl and I felt so conflicted and just... horrible." She mumbled, feeling her eyes beginning to water," It was hard, Alex.... I wanted to see you so so bad... But I also wanted to be a good friend... I felt like I was the bad guy either way, and I just wanted to make both parties happy.... I hated being away from you... God... I hated it so much." She sniffled, making Alex pull her closer to him," seeing you now... you dont understand how happy it makes me feel..."

The man sighed a little and kissed leaned away from her, cupping her cheek and then moving it so she was face him. He tilted her head up a little so he could see her teary eyes, feeling his heart call out to her to comfort her.

He ran a thumb over her cheek, wiping away the mascara and tears and when she blinked up at him innocently, he couldnt stop himself from smiling down at her reassuringly.

"I wanted to see you so much as well... I felt my heart ache every night to see you..." he began, pressing his forehead against hers," I'm sorry for treating you like shit... you deserve so much damn better... (Y/n), I'm begging. Please stay with me, will you?"

Her breath hitched.

"Stay by my side... please?"

Her heart stopped.

"I want to be with you all the time."

Her tears stopped falling.

"I love you."

And she smiled, wider than she ever has.

"I've been waiting so long to hear that..." She whispered to him," I love you too, Alex."

He grinned down at her crookedly," Deadass?"

"On god."

"Fuck- I'm not dreaming, right?" He then had a mischievous glint twinkle in his dark eyes," Maybe you should kiss me to seal the deal?"

She snorted," you're asking me to initiate it? Dont you think you're moving a bit fast, lover boy?"

"I think you're moving too slow and that you talk too much." He stated simply before he leaned down, capturing her soft lips in a messy kiss, their lips molding together as soon as they came in contact.

It's the kind of kiss that inspires stars to climb into the sky and light up the world.

His hands flattened against her back... and she was up on the tips of her toes, kissing him as fiercely as he was kissing her... He clung to her more tightly, knotting his hands in her hair, trying to tell her, with the press of his mouth on hers, all the things he could never say out loud...

And as her lips rubbed against his chapped ones, she knew her life was set with his, nobody else.

[helloalycia]

a bitch [two] // leigh shaw

summary: when you finally decide to confront leigh about the incident, things don't go to plan.

warning/s: cheating, arguing, confrontation

author's note: here’s part two! hope you like it :)

part one | masterlist | wattpad

I refused to paint Leigh in the worst light, even if I'd seen her that way. She ended up staying the night at mine to pass out without being around her sister with her hangover, and I tried not to mind. I was patient for the rest of the evening and the following morning, trying not to assume the worst. But it was hard to do that when she continued to act like nothing was out of the ordinary.

My paranoia get the better of me, as whenever she got a text or slipped out for a phone call, all I could see was her and Abby making out at the party. Why hadn't she told me what happened if it wasn't what it seemed? The only explanation could be that she didn't want me to know, which meant she was hiding it, which meant she was cheating on me. Just like Alex.

It was later that following day after the party when I was sat on the dining table doing some work on my laptop and she was sat on the couch. Her phone vibrated, followed by a tone, signalling she got a text, and I tried not to writhe with discomfort in my seat. She scoffed before tossing her phone to the other end of the couch.

"What is it?" I asked, trying not to seem too interested, even though my heart was bruising.

"Nothing," she mumbled, eyes fixated on the telly.

I gave her all of my attention now, curious. "Go on, what is it? It's clearly not nothing."

She tilted her head to look at me. Sighing, she said like it was no big deal, "Drew wants me to work on a piece, but with somebody else. And you know I'm not a fan of collaborative writing."

Forcing a smile, I hummed in acknowledgement. "Who is it? The person he wants you to work with?"

Looking back to the TV casually, she shrugged. "Abby."

Just the mere mention of that girl's name in Leigh's mouth left a bitter taste in mine. And the longer I watched Leigh staring at the TV without a care in the world, oblivious to the fact that my heart was breaking because of her, the more I wanted to burst. And I eventually did.

"I know you're cheating on me," I blurted, making her look to me with a baffled expression.

"What?"

Deciding to roll with it, I closed my laptop and met her confused stare. "Don't try to hide it, Leigh, I know. I saw you last night. At the party." She continued to play dumb, so I added with distaste, "You were kissing Abby."

Leigh opened her mouth, half-gasping and half entertained as if I was suggesting the most ridiculous thing. "You're kidding, right? That's– that's what you think of me?"

I stood up quickly, glaring at her through glassy eyes. "Don't act coy. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. I tried to wait for you to explain yourself just in case I misinterpreted, but you continued to hide it. No doubt hiding every other moment you spend with her, too, right?"

Leigh's confusion was quickly replaced with anger, as she stood up from her place on the couch and walked towards me, pointing a finger my way.

"How dare you jump to conclusions like that!"

"It's not jumping!" I shouted, unable to stop my emotions getting the better of me. "It's facts!" Smiling bitterly, I shook my head, vision blurry with unshed tears. "I always had my suspicions that she liked you, but I never thought it could be the other way, too..."

Leigh's glare was fiery. She clenched her fists by her side as she studied my expression, attempting to find an explanation for this accusation. And the fact that she was still playing dumb pissed me off.

"God, everybody told me that you could be like this," I muttered between gritted teeth. "You flip-flop between emotions. The constant mood swings, an explosion that everyone gets caught up in."

She crossed her arms, shrugging sarcastically. "Don't hold back or anything. Say what you really mean."

I clenched my jaw and stared at her, tears finally flowing. How could this be the same person I was in love with?

"I shouldn't have expected any different when it came to your partners," I finished with a hurt voice.

Her eyes narrowed as my words settled in. "Fuck you."

"Well, you won't be, will you? You're too busy fucking Abby!"

"You're not even giving me chance to explain!" she shouted with irritation.

"Explain what?! How you kept this from me? How you had all day to explain and you just didn't?" I scoffed, shaking my head. "You know, sometimes you can be such a..." I searched for the right word before my frustration landed on only one. "Such a bitch."

She pressed her trembling lips together as she glowered at me through teary eyes. It stung, knowing I was the reason she was upset. But she cheated on me. I had every right to be.

"Fuck off," she said harshly, before turning to grab her phone and jacket.

Slipping on her shoes, she stuck a middle finger in the air before leaving my house. I glared at the space where she was stood, heart pounding in my ears and chest tightening with discomfort. She deserved it. She did exactly what Alex did.

But this hurt so much more.

—

I woke up late the next morning since I didn't have work and I was too devastated to do anything but stay in bed. Last night was difficult, just like the night before, and when I finally found myself falling asleep, all I dreamt of was Leigh.

Even though I didn't want to, I felt a guilt thrumming in my chest when my words came back to mind. I shouldn't have reacted so badly... and I definitely shouldn't have called her a bitch. My anger just took over, pushing away my love for her, and attacked her without question. But God, it still hurt. Just thinking about her with someone else reminded me of Alex and the voice message and–

Staying in bed sounded like the best option. But of course, the world had other plans.

My phone dinged, signalling I had a text, and I reluctantly reached over to my bedside table to pull it off charge. Through sleep-filled eyes, I tried to make out the name on the screen.

           Leigh ♥️

Suddenly awake, I swiped to open the message and felt my heart drop as I read it.

          Leigh ♥️: Fuck you.

Attached was a video, and as much as I wanted to get pissed at her text, I was curious to know what she'd sent. Playing it, I soon realised it was CCTV footage from her workplace, outside the toilets. At first, I squeezed my phone, thinking she'd sent it to rub it in my face. But then as I continued to watch, I saw the moments I missed last night.

Leigh walked out the toilet and Abby pulled her to the side, attempting to talk to her about something. There was no sound to the clip, but it was clear that Leigh was trying to back away and go elsewhere. They talked, Leigh using that smile she used when she was trying to be polite, before Abby suddenly pushed herself on her, kissing her. I pulled a face at the sight, reliving it all over again, but then Leigh shoved her away with anger.

Again, there was no sound, but I recognised that familiar Leigh wrath she subjected people to when they pissed her off. Hands were waving around as she seemed to be shouting in Abby's face, her face set into a permanent scowl as she did. Then she turned and stormed away, and the video ended.

Lowering my phone, I stared at the ceiling with a lump in my throat. She hadn't cheated, I'd just walked in on the wrong moment. Every horrible thing I'd said to her... completely uncalled for. No wonder she was angry and upset when I'd accused her – she hadn't done anything wrong.

"Fuck!" I shouted to nothing, before throwing my phone to the end of the bed with annoyance.

How the hell was I to make this right?

—

I spent the remainder of the morning trying to think of what I could do. Leigh wouldn't want to speak to me, understandably, but I had to try. It would be a terrible apology, but I couldn't just leave it. I loved her and I could only hope she'd still love me, even after every nasty thing I spat her way.

Knowing she'd be at work, I gave her boss and best friend, Drew, a call. Hopefully she hadn't told him everything I'd done otherwise he was definitely going to ignore me.

After a few rings, he finally answered and I couldn't stop my fingers from drumming against my thigh nervously.

"Y/N, thank God you rang! I was just about to call you," he said before I could build up the courage to speak.

I furrowed my brows. "You were?"

"You should come pick up your girlfriend," he said, and I figured he didn't know. "I don't know what her problem is and, don't get me wrong, I love Leigh, but I can't condone violence at the workplace."

My eyes widened so much I was surprised they didn't fall out my head. "What?!"

With a mixture of amazement and disappointment, he answered, "She punched a colleague of hers, Abby, in the face. It was so out of the blue – a solid punch to the jaw. Broke her knuckles, I think."

Jaw dropping, I forgot how to speak.

"She's at the hospital," he continued. "Thankfully, Abby isn't pressing charges – no idea why not, not that I want Leigh to get arrested obviously – but damn, there's a lot of paperwork to do and–"

"Drew!" I cut him off, worrying myself with thoughts of Leigh at the hospital by herself. "Text me the address. I'm on my way."

The drive to the hospital was agonisingly long, but I reached it quite quickly. I did attempt to call Leigh, unable to stop myself from checking if she was okay, but she didn't answer. This did nothing to ease my concern.

After making my way through the hospital, I finally arrived at Leigh's room. I let myself in, seeing her sat on a hospital bed with an ice pack covering her hand, balanced on a table. At the sight of me, she rolled her eyes.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she muttered lowly, refusing to meet my gaze.

I stepped inside hesitantly, my guilt returning as I remembered everything I accused her off. "Drew told me what happened."

She clenched her jaw. "Well, I'm not a baby. I'm fine on my own."

Ignoring her rightful annoyance, I sighed quietly. "Really, Leigh? You punched her?"

As if realising how silly it sounded when I said it aloud, she looked the other way and stayed quiet. Her jaw was still clenched as she contained her anger.

"What's the damage?" I asked, hoping my concern wouldn't piss her off. As always, I was wrong.

"None of your damn business," she snapped, still not looking my way.

I frowned, approaching her bedside, but she still refused to look my way. "Leigh, I want to apologise, I do, but I need to make sure you're okay first."

She rolled her eyes before finally looking to me and glaring powerfully. If I hadn't experienced being in a fight with Leigh before, I would have definitely tucked tail and ran. But I'd known her long enough to know that the mask of anger she wore right now was only a cover for the hurt she felt. The hurt I'd caused her. 

"You don't need to do anything," she retorted, before nodding to the door. "You can go."

My heart pounded with guilt. "Leigh, please.”

"Sorry, I don't mean to be a bitch or anything," she cut me off bitterly, before looking away and frowning to herself.

The words I'd said to her in a moment of fury returned to mind and I'd never hated myself more than in that moment.

"You know, since Matt died, almost everyone I know called me a bitch," she revealed quietly, voice filled with pain rather than hostility. "Even my family. Especially my family. But you... you never called it me, Y/N. Not once. Not even when I deserved it."

The silence that followed her words was deafening. Why the hell did I have to call her that? Why?

Before I could even think of how to respond, the door to her room opened and in walked a doctor, holding what looked like print-outs of x-ray scans.

"Oh," he said with mild confusion as he spotted me by Leigh's bedside. "I'm sorry, I don't think we've met. I'm Leigh's doctor. Doctor Syed. And you are?"

"Her girlfriend," I replied, just as she also replied, "My ex."

I gave her a stern look, accepting if she wanted to break up, but definitely not leaving her here alone.

"I'd like to stay if that's okay," I told Doctor Syed, sensing his confusion as he looked between Leigh and I, attempting to make out whatever was happening.

To my surprise, Leigh didn't argue, even when the doctor looked her way to see if she had a problem. She simply rolled her eyes, scoffed quietly, and said nothing.

Taking this as a response, Doctor Syed proceeded to explain about Leigh's injury, particularly the broken bones in her knuckle. Apparently she'd punched Abby with so much force that she'd literally broken the bone with a crack. The x-ray proved just that and gave the doctor a perfect sight of where he could fix it, thankfully, without surgery.

I waited with an unusually quiet Leigh as he put a splint and cast on her hand there and then. He then spoke about recovery times and how she was to look after herself. After writing up a prescription for pain meds and handing it to her, he quirked a brow questioningly.

"Is that all okay, Miss Shaw?" he asked.

Leigh was too busy brooding to listen, so I smiled at the doctor instead.

"I'll make sure she does that," I answered for her. "Thank you, doctor."

He nodded and returned the smile before wishing us luck and leaving. I looked to Leigh, who was quick to get up and grab her jacket, being careful with her hand. The two of us said nothing as we left the room and hospital, making our way out onto the street. Before I could ask how she was getting home, she began to walk away from me.

I groaned inwardly before following after her, stopping her from going any further. She glared across from me.

"What?" she said through gritted teeth.

"I can give you a ride home," I offered. "I parked down the street."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm fine walking."

I gave her a knowing look. "Leigh, you just broke your hand."

Realising my point, she sighed. "Fine. I'll call literally anyone but you for a ride."

Okay, I deserved that, but it still stung.

"Fine," I said, before waiting with her as she made the call.

She took a seat on the bench to the side of the road, waiting for a taxi, and I joined her, making her scoff.

"Just to make sure you get home safe," I said, when she gave me an incredulous look.

"Whatever," she mumbled, before watching the road for her taxi.

When it finally arrived, she didn't even spare me a glance before getting in and leaving. I sighed with regret, glad she was okay but realising I still hadn't had the chance to apologise to her. I was still yet to make this right.

—

It was the next day when I'd deemed it enough time to have given her space whilst also deciding I had to tell her how sorry I was before it was too late.

Building the courage to approach her front door was one thing, but knocking was another. I'm pretty sure I stared at the wood for ages before actually lifting my hand to knock. And even then, my heart was still pounding nervously in my chest.

After a moment, the door opened and revealed Leigh. But as soon as she recognised me, she made a move to close it.

"Leigh, please, wait–!" I tried, and put my foot in the doorway so she couldn't close it.

"I have nothing to say to you!" she exclaimed with irritation, glaring at me when she noticed my foot in the way. "Move it, Y/N."

"You don't have to say anything," I said with a frown and apologetic eyes. "Just hear me out. Please."

She pressed her lips together firmly, disguising her hurt with frustration. But when her eyes met mine, the pain was there and I felt guilty all over again, knowing I'd made her out to be the worst.

"I never should have said what I did," I started quickly, not wanting to lose my chance. "And I definitely shouldn't have called you a–" I winced, hating the word more than ever. "A bitch. I know you get angry when you're upset and that should've been my first indicator to knowing something wasn't right. I should've heard you out."

"But you didn't," she cut me off with a terrifyingly calm voice. "You jumped to conclusions instead. When I've never given you any reason to doubt me."

I licked my lips and looked down shamefully. She was right. "I know."

"Do you?" she asked rhetorically, a hint of resentment in her voice. "Because you jumped on me so fast that I didn't even see it coming."

Risking looking up, I saw the defensive stance she took, arms crossed judgementally and jaw tensed with annoyance.

"For the record," she added, expression softening a little, "I didn't tell you about the kiss because it meant nothing and I didn't want to upset you for no reason."

I swallowed the rising lump in my throat, the guilt thickening and squeezing the life out of me.

"I can't believe you'd think I would do something like that to you," she admitted with a heartbreaking voice, uncrossing her arms. "I love you, Y/N. I'd never hurt you like that. Never."

Squeezing my eyes shut, I pinched the bridge of my nose, memories of Alex flooding to the surface. "I know, Leigh, I know. I do."

She sighed before me. "Then why?"

Releasing my nose, I opened my eyes and was surprised at the blurriness, tears having formed. I was losing the woman I love because of my stupidity and I couldn't. I couldn't lose her. She deserved to know the truth, no matter how much it hurt.

"Do you remember my last girlfriend?" I asked reluctantly, before clearing my throat. "Alex?"

Her brows creased together with confusion. "Yes. What about her?"

Letting out an embarrassed sigh, I avoided Leigh's gaze. "We broke up because she cheated on me. With... with someone from work."

When Leigh didn't say anything, I looked up and saw her shocked expression.

"What?" she asked with disbelief. "You said it was a mutual breakup."

I pinched the skin inside my palm to feel something other than hurt and awkwardness. "I– it was easier to say that than admit the truth because the truth was– is embarrassing." Unable to hold her gaze for much longer, I focused on the door next to her. "You were going through a lot at the time, Leigh. The last thing you needed was to deal with my bullshit, too."

She frowned, trying to meet my eyes, but I was too ashamed to look her way. "You should've told me, Y/N."

I shook my head slowly. "I shouldn't have. Just like I shouldn't have assumed you'd be like her. I just– I got horribly insecure and I know that you're not her. You're nothing like her. And I shouldn't have treated you like the villain."

"No...," she began, still adjusting to my words. "No, that makes so much sense." Her good hand rested on my cheek as she forced me to look her way. "I'm so sorry that happened."

I pulled back, her hand dropping to her side, and wiped away a stray tear. I'd never meant to earn her pity – I'd done something wrong. This wasn't me earning sympathy, I just wanted her to know the truth.

"I don't want you to apologise," I told her. "I just want you to understand that I'm sorry. So sorry, Leigh. I hate that I– I ruined something good, something amazing. I never meant for this to happen," I motioned to her hand, "and I don't want you to think of me like– like– like this. Like–"

She moved forward and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, pulling me close. "I don't. I really don't."

I closed my eyes and stuffed my head into her neck, holding her tightly. She stroked the back of my hair soothingly and pressed a kiss to the side of my head.

"I forgive you," she murmured, and just like that, relief spread through me. "I'm so sorry about what happened to you. I promise I'd never to that to you. Never in a million years."

I pulled apart, wiping my tears away sheepishly whilst nodding. "I know you wouldn't, Leigh. I'm sorry for even thinking that you would."

She cupped my cheek, using her thumb to swipe away a tear. Green eyes met mine, sparkling with unshed tears that made me feel guilty because I'd never wanted to make her cry.

"I know you are," she said gently, before offering me a small smile. "Come inside, yeah? You can make it up to me by watching movies with me."

I let out a small laugh and she smiled, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to my lips before holding out her hand. I rested mine in hers and let her lead me inside, hand tingling where her skin touched mine.

Leigh Shaw was anything but a bitch. She was the most caring, considerate person I'd ever met, and when she flashed me a reassuring smile as we headed to the couch, I knew one thing.

I was lucky to have her.

[loliwrites]

🦄Loli what about Addi's Swedish a request that Addi trying to learning Swedish but what about the times when she's trying to communicate with other Swedes? I mean this is a phase that my non-Swedish bf going through and everytime he tries I'm having a second hand embarrassment and heart attack but you know be supportive to your man so I go "You were born to speaking swedish"😂🤗

LOL 🦄 Non, as someone who is still learning the language and traveled to Sweden (and tried my damnedest to speak it wherever possible), I can attest that as embarrassing as it is for you to witness, it's just as embarrassing for the speaker 😅 I know I'm probably butchering the language. I know they can speak English better than I can speak Swedish. And that "sj" shenanigans in the Swedish language is absolute bullshit 😅 the "sj" noise is something my mouth will never be able to do. I can never say 'seven' because of it. And don't even get me started on "seastar" or "nurse".

Anywho -- Addi's made pretty great progress with her Swedish lessons from Gustaf. The broadening of her Swedish vocabulary is matched with the confidence she's gaining whenever she and Goose speak to each other. Only she overlooked one important difference between Swedish with Gustaf, and Swedish with anyone outside the Skarsclan. With Gustaf, he's been cognizant of speaking as clearly and precisely as possible. He's slowed down his cadence. He's pronouncing the words in their truest form.

But in Stockholm, Addi's learned (and as I learned), people don't necessarily speak the words in their truest form. There's slang. There's shortcuts. There's even a nasal quality to their dialect that Addi's never truly heard before. So while abroad, her confidence is sort of dropping. Why sound like an idiot trying to speak it when everyone knows the man beside her is a native northman? Sensing that her confidence is a bit shaken, Alex has made a point of getting her to practice. Someone in a cafe or shop greets them, and although Addi looks up at Alex to respond, he continues glancing around as if he didn't hear a thing practically forcing Addi to answer.

"Hej hej," the man standing at the counter mutters. Addi's seen him a few times as this has been the coffee shop they've been frequenting.

"Hej." She glances up at Alex but he's still staring into the pastry case like he's thinking about important things. "Jag skulle vilja ha..."

The man lets out a mmph under his breath, like her formal request is just too much.

Addi swallows, growing more nervous, "uhm... kanelbulle," she looks up at Alex again, "kladdkaka..."

"Med grädde?" The man interrupts. He sounds like he's losing his patience.

Still staring at Alex, she almost shrinks in on herself when he finally returns her gaze and flashes her a fleeting smile. Addi lowers her eyes to the man and nods, "ja, tack. Också två kaffe." She exhales. Done.

"Att gå eller stanna?"

Addi just stares at him. Why'd he ask her something else? She was done. She'd resigned herself to the conversation being over. She goes frozen and doe-eyed.

More perturbed, the man cocks his head to the side and rolls his eyes, "jag har andra kunder. Svenska eller engelska?"

Now Alex steps in. Not because she looked up at him for help, but because she's paralyzed into inaction. "Hey, she's learning. Simmer down," he fishes his wallet out of his pocket and switches his attention to shell-shocked Addi. "You want it to go or to stay?"

She huddles into Alex's side a little more, trying to avoid all eye contact with the man. "Stay,"

"Stanna," Alex hands his credit card over. The other man has suddenly become very passive. Once he leaves to grab their items, Alex hooks his arm over Addi's shoulder and offers a bright smile. "You did so good,"

"He got angry at me."

"He's having a bad day,

Addi shrugs. "Can you just be the one to speak when we go into places?"

He really wants to object and be firm with her but not only does she look timid, she looks embarrassed. Instead of pressing the issue, he agrees off the bat. But he doesn't want this one guy to ruin this for her. He loves that she's put so much effort into learning Swedish and is really proud of her. But it takes a few days and a sneaky plan to get her speaking again.

After he’s realized that she’s going to shell up and wait for him to speak, Alex recruits the help of patient, kind Gustaf. Just as Alex says he has to disappear for a business lunch, Gustaf swoops in to take Addi out to lunch. He’s careful not to jump into Swedish with her right away. And even he notices that once they’re seated, she’s letting him take the reins with talking to the waitress.

While she’s distracting herself with the menu, Gustaf blurts to the attentive waitress -- “she’s learning Swedish. Is it okay if she practices?”

Addi flicks her stare to Gustaf. Sabotage. But then the waitress’ smile grows wider and she nods enthusiastically. “Jaha!”

While at first she’s hesitant and barely speaking above a murmur, the kindness and enthusiasm of the waitress slowly eases Addi into a state of greater comfort. She’s being patient with her, and waiting for her to find the words without rolling her eyes or sighing like the man at the coffee shop. Throughout the course of the meal, Addi gains her voice and confidence back -- and even learns some Stockholm slang.

So by the time they arrive back at Alex’s apartment, and smell a fresh pot of coffee brewing, Addi lets out a barbaric, “KUCKELIKU!” and goes running off to find him.

[sweeterthansammy]

Eight Years Pt. 2 || Spencer Reid

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader; The reader is Spencer’s ex-girlfriend.

Summary: Losing someone is never easy, but it’s frustrating when you spend your time loving someone who clearly can’t do the same.

Genre: Fluff with a tinge of angst in there

Written in third person point of view.

Warnings: Lowkey slow burn, elements of a messy relationship, death, regular case things, mentions of prostitution, homicide, dirty cops, about 3-4 time skips, about 3.6k+ words before you finally get some fluff 🥲, and mild language

Word count: 4.4k+

A/N: Because I cried like a bitch at the end of season 9, we're gonna make this one fluffy :)

Important notes: This is based on episodes 23 and 24 of season 9. Emily is on the team instead of Alex. Majority of the text seen here is actually incorporated in these two episodes.

It had been about three months, quite frankly, since the whole unfolding of their breakup. Things hadn't been very vibrant in the workplace as they had been before but it wasn’t awkward per se. Penelope was devastated, begging the pair to get back together at any chance she got.

"Garcia, it's not gonna happen.”

Y/N would gently shut her down every time and she would just give a hopeful smile.

"Just let me know when you do get back together."

"Garcia-"

"Nope, I know it's gonna happen. Sooner or later, you and Reid are getting back together."

Dating had become a weak point once again for both Y/N and Spencer. She'd sporadically been set up on blind dates with random men, gladly put together by none other than Emily. Because of Penelope's adamancy in the reconciliation of Y/N and Spencer's relationship, she refused to help.

"Penelope, please! He seems really nice and he's tech-savvy. I want to understand at least one word that comes out of his mouth the entire night."

"No."

"Please!?"

"Fine, but only because I don't want you to seem like a complete dunce."

Y/N squealed, swaying side to side as she squeezed Garcia.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," she repeated over and over and over, refusing to let go of Penelope.

"If you were going on a date with Spencer, he wouldn't care-"

Y/N rolled her eyes, her grasp faltering around Garcia before she trudged out of her lair.

"I attended a webinar last weekend! It would be so cool if we attended one together - you know, as our second date."

He seemed so hopeful, eyes glimmering over as he spoke nonstop about their second date and technology all in one.

"A webi-what?" she queried, a gentle furrow in her eyebrows with a polite smile, not wanting to shut him down so harshly.

"A webinar. It's an online conference. Typically I attend them for my tech clubs but you could attend them for anything."

He blabbered nonstop, words spurring out of his mouth. She had now been very grateful for Spencer's abilities in teaching her how to endure a person who doesn't ever shut up, though not directly. Speaking about Aesop and Beethoven somehow seemed more enjoyable at the very moment.

"And then I went to a conven-"

"Hey, could you excuse me for a moment? I have to take a call," she interjected, clutching her phone close to her chest as she quickly clicked on Emily's contact.

"But your phone-"

"It was on silent. Sorry."

She quickly stood from the table, rushing outside of the restaurant.

"Hey, what's wr-"

"Code red. He's Spencer but more of a techy version. He keeps speaking about computers and technology and conventions - Emily, I'm going fucking crazy."

Emily only chuckled from the opposite end.

"What makes it worse is that I'd rather be speaking about old English literature!"

Emily broke into a full guffaw this time, her laughter soon dying down as Y/N let out a whine.

"What did you tell him to step out?"

"I'm leaving - telling him it's a work call," she huffed.

“Good luck,” Emily sang from her line, advising her friend to take a shot for extra luck.

As she made her way back to the table, she found her date easily chatting up a storm with a girl sitting alone right next to their table. She offered a lopsided grin, bending to his height before patting his shoulder.

“I have to go; work duties. Besides, you seem to have a backup already,” she giggled softly, grabbing her bag before heading out of the restaurant once more.

She made her night an easy one, just climbing into the bathtub once she’d gotten back to her apartment and indulged in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s half-baked ice cream until her phone rang.

“Hotch, please don’t tell me we’ve got another case,” she groused, beginning to drain the tub.

“Unfortunately. We’ve got a case in Texas, all details will be filled in when you get here.”

Texas. Great. Another flight, hopefully no turbulence this time.

“Cruz? What’s he doing here?” Y/N asked, approaching the team gathered around in a small cubicle.

Their eyes followed one another, landing on the man trailing behind Hotch. They were briefly gathered in the conference room, Garcia taking a seat next to Y/N as Cruz reached for the remote instead. She couldn’t help but bite down on the inside of her cheek, catching the occasional glances that were thrown from Spencer.

“I was called down to Briscoe County, in Texas by Sherif Peter Coleman. Abigail Jones, a prostitute was found at a dumpsite last night.”

“And what’s that on her wrist?” Derek asked.

After biting down her tongue, watching Cruz struggle, Garcia jumped to her feet, zooming in on the photographs.

“Rope burns, hand in hand with lacerations on her back.”

“There’s also a gunshot through the back of her head - execution-style.”

“Looks like a conflict in M.O. The cutting and restraining points to sexual sadism but the gunshot ends the torture too quick to satisfy a sadist.”

“Is that the only victim?” Y/N intervened, avoiding eye contact with Spencer as she cut his observation short.

Cruz turned to Garcia, who switched the screen to a brown-eyed brunette.

“Hannah Kelly, another prostitute. She was killed six months ago and she was dumped one jurisdiction over.”

“Forensic countermeasure,” she muttered. “Well, they’re obviously smart enough to separate the victims so we won’t tie them together.”

“And practical, too. The body was left in hooker row, where they pick up their Johns, and that leads us to our first victim - Lucas Wagner. He was killed 11 months ago, multiple arrests for soliciting a prostitute. He was found outside of a crackhouse where some of them lived. He takes paying customers and drops them where the girls live.”

“That sends a message that nobody’s safe,” Aaron affirmed, his typical stern look plastered to his face. “Tell Sherif Coleman we’re on our way.”

They were seated on the jet as per usual, going over details once again and conducting more research.

“So, it’s the same unsub - kills one John, two prostitutes,” David footnotes.

“Maybe the John’s a friend of the unsub,” Derek pitched. “Possibly someone he picked up prostitutes with.”

JJ looked up from the files, glancing between Rossi and Morgan, adding, “Well, once he kills his friend, it makes it easier to kill the prostitutes.”

“That would explain why there’s no sexual assault on the victims,” Y/N contributed.

“Actually, it’s not about rape for this unsub, it’s about torture,” Spencer interjected, earning a perilous side-eyed look from Y/N.

Fucking boy genius.

They landed in a matter of a few hours, taking off to their designated locations. Unfortunately, Y/N had been stricken with her luck yet again, ending up at the bar with Morgan and Reid. Messing her hair up a bit and undoing a couple of the first few buttons of her shirt, she pretended to be Derek’s girlfriend. She sat alongside him, the pair slickly speaking to Tabitha. Y/N looked up slowly, pairs of eyes burning into both her and Derek. She placed a gentle hand on his arm, squeezing delicately as a signal that they were all watching. She spoke up, leaning over Derek.

“Just go along with it, honey,” she muttered. “Tabitha, we could use an extra person in the bedroom. Think about it, we’ll give you extra good pay.”

Derek bit down on the inside of his cheek, suffocating the chuckle that threatened to rumble from his chest. He played it off with a cough, placing a hand on her lower back. Thinking quickly, Y/N rolled her card between a few twenty-dollar bills, handing it to Tabitha right under the table.

“Call me when you’ve made your mind up, doll.”

Spencer was bewildered. Face flushed, hands clenching at his sides. Though he tried to remind himself that he shouldn’t be jealous, Derek literally has a girlfriend, it didn’t work. He looked over at the pair, not missing the victorious smirk plastered to Y/N’s face. Day and night passed, they were no closer than before to finding their unsub until another dead prostitute wound up.

“Spencer-”

“Hotch, he’s escalated his cuts. Not only are they bigger but the cutting was done postmortem. It was the gunshot that killed Tabitha.”

Aaron looked over at Derek, who too was eyeing him.

“Based on the lack of blood flow and scar tissue, if she was alive when this was done, there would be a lot more blood on her back.”

“Which also means this wasn’t S&M,” Y/N chimed in, looking between the three men standing around her.

Spencer’s eyes lit up, a spark going off, “This was symbolic.”

“Symbolic of what?”

Reid looked over at Y/N, her question seeming to challenge him. Hotch could sense the tension, speaking up.

“We’re not sure yet.”

“Do you smell that?” Derek asked, nose scrunching as the scent became more prominent.

“Lavender.”

“That doesn’t grow in these parts though.”

“It’s mainly around her legs.”

“Why would he do that?”

“Reid, could you look into it?”

Spencer surveyed the area, folding his arms over his chest.

“We can’t trust the coroner to follow through,” he muttered.

They all sucked in a breath, heads dipping down to stare at their feet.

“Yup.”

“We need to deliver the profile,” Spencer stated, looking up Aaron who simply nodded.

After delivering the profile and digging further into the investigation, they once again stumbled upon Preacher Justin Mills.

“Morgan, JJ’s headed to the bar to see if Dinah’s seen him,” Aaron informed as Derek remained with a hand over the shifting gear.

Moments of silence passed, not a word from anyone until Hotch spoke up.

“He isn’t there - Morgan, I need you, Y/N, and Reid to scrutinize the area.”

They drove and drove, seeming to not find the preacher at all. They pulled into the parking lot of an old diner, eyes scanning about.

“Morgan, that’s his car,” Y/N quickly pointed out, leaning over the edge of the armrest.

Her nostrils were engulfed by Spencer’s cologne as she was mere inches away from his clothed torso. Spencer perched up, the cotton of his button-up gently grazing against Y/N’s hand as he sat forward.

“Right there- Hotch, he’s headed into el Lobito’s diner.”

They were quick to pull into a parking spot, pressing themselves up against the vehicle once stepping out.

“JJ-”

“We’re on our way, Y/N.”

In seconds, the lot was full of officers, JJ and Emily coming forth as all sheriffs bore arms.

“Guys, I’ve got movement.”

Reid was unaware of who he was tapping, Y/N tensing under his gentle taps on her collarbone.

“Spencer-”

“We should move in now, sheriff.”

“We’re actually better off establishing the perimeter first. Then we can open up a line of communication.”

“Alright, but we need to get around-”

“Shots fired! I repeat - shots fired!”

Y/N fought the tremble in her knees as she alerted the surrounding crew of the shots being fired. They took cover, shooting from the backs of car doors. Bullets flew past them, landing at their feet, hitting other officers, but thankfully neither of them. Y/N briefly stepped up from behind her cover to check the pulse of another sheriff.

“Y/N, get out of-”

“Reid!”

The echo of Derek’s voice made her turn around, a heat flashing through her as she fell to the ground, a warm pool of blood being soaked up by her pants. She moved to her best ability, practically dragging herself over to Spencer.

“Spencer!”

She couldn’t fight the compression in her chest, Derek carrying him around to lean against a car.

“Spencer-”

“Y/L/N, you take care of him. Stay alert and keep him alive!”

She watched as Derek disappeared into the diner, holding tightly onto Spencer’s hand.

“Spence, stay with me. Come on!”

She laid a hand on his face, gently cradling his jaw as she shook him awake.

“Spencer, please, I-I need you to stay with me. You can’t do this, baby. C’mon. What was our favorite play to watch on a Friday night?”

No response. She gently shook his head again, fighting the urge to full-on yell at the top of her lungs.

“Spencer - our favorite play to watch on a Friday night was what? Babe, you know this.”

She was crossing all boundaries, not giving a crap at the fact that they were broken up.

“H-Hamlet.”

“Oh my gosh,” her head fell against his chest, keeping her hand firmly over the open wound on his neck.

Most of the commotion had died down, causing Y/N to reach for the cell phone in her back pocket. She sniffled a bit as she held the phone to her ear, ringing Derek. She’d never been more relieved to hear his voice.

“Y/N-”

“Derek, a-are you okay? Where are you?”

“Relax, mama. It’s just a wound in my arm, nothing that can’t be fixed. How’s pretty boy doing, babe?” he teased.

She looked down at her wrist, curing the microphone that was attached to the collar of her shirt.

“Derek-”

“Get him an ambulance, we got the preacher.”

She hurried to call for an ambulance, his skin soon growing cold beneath the touch of her hand.

“Spencer, hey, stay with me.”

His eyes were slowly closing, the faint chatter seeming like a buzz as she shook his shoulders.

“Spencer.”

The sound of her heart thumping pounded in her eardrums, her jaw hagging agape as she peered down at him.

“Spencer- I need a medic right now!”

Her sudden outburst made Rossi run over to her, fresh hot tears running down her cheeks.

“R-Rossi, I th-ink h-h-he’s uncon-sciou-s,” she stammered.

“Y/N, I need you to get up.”

She couldn’t. She felt paralyzed. She hated everything. Seeing Spencer like that sent her into a spiral. Dry blood pasting the material of her pants to her skin. Feeling two arms wrap around her waist, tugging her upward, she protested.

“No-no! I want to stay with him!”

Turning the slightest bit, she protested even more.

“Hotch, let me go! I-I need to be with him!” “Y/N, fighting me doesn’t help anything.”

“I just need to make sure he’s okay.”

After finally having her calm down a bit, Hotch held onto her, both of his hands holding onto hers behind her back.

“Look, he’ll be okay.”

She watched as they put him onto the stretcher, his face drained of whatever color it had left.

“Hotch, is he gonna make it?” she asked quietly, not fighting her mind for thinking the worst.

“Of course he will, Y/N.”

She had completed a quick procedure in the back of another ambulance, the stiffness making her cringe. Her skin was hot, lips wet, nose dry and runny as she’d been crying for God knows how long.

“Y/N.”

She jumped at the soft voice, looking up to see JJ standing right before her.

“Hey, JJ.”

She offered a sympathetic smile, wrapping her arms around Y/N the instant she made it over to her.

“Look at me,” she whispered, gently prying herself away from Y/N’s strong grip.

She did as told, sniffling as she did so.

“We all know that this is hard for you, but we also know that Spencer’s one strong kid. You already know that he’ll make it so you shouldn’t even be questioning whether or not he’ll be standing in front of you again.”

“But JJ-”

“No. No ‘buts’. A lot happened tonight and we saw all of it. You and Spencer can save what you had before. He needs you and you need him, there’s no way you can fight that one.”

She watched as a smile broke onto Y/N’s face, her empathetic smile breaking into that of a genuine one.

“What if he’s not ready?”

“Spencer and I became best friends the moment he stepped foot into the building of the BAU. I know what Spencer does- I know how he acts when he’s ready for something. He let down a barrier with you tonight and that alone says a lot.”

“Barrier?”

“‘Y/N, move’...does that ring a bell?”

“Y-yeah, he was just showing that he cares-”

“Which he doesn’t do unless he genuinely cares for you. Geez, you stopped dating three months ago and you already forgot so much about him,” she chuckled. “Spencer wouldn’t have come out of his cover unless he wanted you to live out there.”

She was quiet for a moment, looking up again.

“JJ.”

“Hm?”

“I need you to take me to the hospital.”

It wasn’t hard to find Spencer’s unit, Garcia’s blue outfit failing to go unnoticed, as well as the constant clacking of her heels. The moment Y/N came into view, Penelope sprung to her feet, engulfing Y/N in a bear-like hug.

“Oh, it feels so good to see you. Are you alright? I heard about your leg.”

“I’m fine, Penelope,” she assured with a smile. “It’s no biggie.”

She instantly turned to Spencer who was surely unconscious. Garcia took that into account, stepping aside.

“He came out of surgery not too long ago.”

She looked over at Garcia, offering a smile.

“Thanks for taking care of him, Garcia.”

Y/N couldn’t help but chuckle at the figures sitting in front of him. As she turned to look out the window once again, the ringing of Y/N’s cell phone alerted her.

“Y/N, I know you’re at the hospital right now, so I need you to look out for Deputy Owen McGregor. Go out into the hallway very quickly and check for him. He’s the one we’re looking for. If you find him, we need you or Garcia to transport Reid to another unit without being seen. Got it?”

“Yeah, got it.”

“Also, your gun - do you have it with you?”

“Yeah, but I’ve hardly got any ammunition,” she muttered as to not freak Garcia out.

“Alright, check Reid’s patient bag. It’s got to be somewhere in there.”

She looked up at Garcia who was seemingly questioning all of her actions. She instantly got up to check his patient bag, her hand wrapping around the cool metal barrel.

“Bingo.”

“Hold onto it for now. Ceasefire until either of you are in danger. If you guys are stuck and have no way out, hand either of the guns over to Garcia. We’ll see you guys.”

Garcia was frozen, watching as Y/N easily tucked the barrel between the waistband of her pants.

“What’s that for?”

“Relax, Penelope. It’s for our safety.”

She handed Reid’s gun over to Garcia, watching her hands shake as she reluctantly accepted it.

“You’ve operated a gun before, right?”

She shook her head, looking absolutely terrified.

“Today’s your lucky day, dollface,” she chuckled, making her way over to the door. “If anyone comes in here with a gun or if they pose as a threat, you know what to do. I’m gonna survey the hallway, don’t leave the room.”

He was easy to spot, his beige uniform catching her eye. As he turned around, she quite literally ripped her badge from around her neck, stuffing it into her back pocket as she rushed back to his room. Within a short few seconds, she was back at Spencer’s unit, a nurse going over Spencer’s chart. She quickly noticed the gun peaking out the back of his scrubs as he reached for a bottle of liquid solution.

“Wait, carbenicillin? I-I’m severely allergic to that, that’s not right.”

She could hear the panic in his voice, quickly removing her gun from the clasp of her waistband, aiming at the nurse. The pair remained shook, Y/N’s arms dropping at her sides as the nurse laid unconscious on the floor.

“Are you guys okay?” she asked, her brain not being able to comprehend much at the given moment.

How did Spencer wake up after she left? How did the nurse even manage to get past them? Why the hell was this so chaotic?

“Y-yeah.”

She thanked Garcia who helped her get Spencer onto a wheelchair, pulling the fire alarm once they were in the hallway.

“I know how much you hate speed, but I seriously need to push you at about twenty miles per hour right now.”

With that, she and Garcia took off, sparing only one glance backward, only to find Deputy McGregor watching them.

“Garcia, go!”

She let go of the wheelchair, Penelope easily taking control as Y/N spun on her heels, shooting at random objects to cause some calamity. She watched as Owen dodged each bullet, taking cover behind a wall. The halls were still flooded with nurses and doctors, however, Y/N managed to still shimmy past them, carefully pointing her gun in the direction of the deputy. She cursed as he was nowhere to be found, and by the time she’d gone outside, his car was long gone. She reached for her phone, calling Derek once again.

“Derek, h-he got away.”

“Alright, don’t worry about it, Y/L/N. How’s pretty boy?”

She giggled despite the current situation.

“He’s awake now. Garcia’s with him.”

“Alright, mama, we’ll see you once we catch this son of a bitch.”

She made her way over to Spencer’s new unit, feet kicking behind the other.

“Fuck-”

“Oh no, what’s wrong my crime-fighting fairy?” “He got away, Garcia.”

“Oh, don’t bum yourself out over that.”

“Garcia, he can be out there taking another li-”

“Do you not trust the rest of the team? They’ll take him down without a doubt,” Spencer chimed in, offering a soft smile.

She returned that smile, Garcia not being able to bear the unspoken truth between the pair.

“Okay, look! You’re both still in love with each other and it’s killing me to see you two not acting on it! Just kiss, make-out, whatever you do - just admit that you still love each other!”

They both looked over at Penelope, her sudden outburst cracking a mischievous grin on either of their faces.

“I’m leaving this room and if you two haven’t made up by then, I’m going to scream my head off.”

With that, she made her way out of the room, leaving Y/N and Spencer alone.

“Looks like someone is eager for us to get back together,” Spencer chuckled.

“Yeah, I’ve been hearing it since...um...since things ended.”

She could feel a sudden heat slowly creeping up her neck, the familiar feeling of nausea swirling in the pit of her stomach. They were quiet for a moment, Spencer deciding to break the ice.

“I’m sorry. I really am. You didn’t deserve any of what I put you through. Hell, I don’t deserve you. I was never really lying to you, but to myself. I convinced myself that I would never love anyone the way I loved Maeve but I did love you, and I still do. I’ve just been confused. I was never loved properly and I managed to push you away when you did show me love. I was scared when I started catching feelings for you,” he paused, looking up to find fresh tears running down her cheeks.

She stared at the floor aimlessly, her fingertips dancing along her bottom lip. He started speaking again as she sniffled, fumbling with his own fingers.

“Do you remember when I couldn’t sleep so you would bring me over to your apartment?”

He waited for a response, finally smiling when she did.

“You would order a pizza and we’d stay up watching movies all night. It didn’t matter how late it was or if we had work the next day, you always made sure that I was doing okay. And those nights that I stayed the night at the building to fill out paperwork, you sat by my side. You filled my mug with coffee every single time and you forced yourself to stay up with me until I was done. You didn’t want me walking home, especially when it was raining or snowing, so you would go out of your way to give me a ride home.”

She chuckled, taking a seat once he pat the free space at the side of the hospital bed.

“And then one night, you went on a particularly bad date. The guy was a douchebag and when you came to my apartment in tears, blabbering about no guy wanting you and you not being good enough, I wanted to shut you up and kiss you right there. I was in love with you for so long and I had my chance to prove to you that you are worth so much more than some random guy from a sketchy dating app, but I didn’t take it. I was scared that things wouldn’t work out the way I wanted them to and that you didn’t feel the same way.”

She looked back at Spencer, finding a home in his eyes once more.

“And then I messed up. Instead of confessing to those feelings, I met Maeve a couple of years down the line and I confided everything in her.”

“Spencer, I have loved you for years. Years, Spencer. I tried to hate you when I saw that letter but then I thought, I can’t blame you for loving someone else. I love you so much and I never stopped. That letter to Maeve hit me like a bitch. I felt terrible for forcing you to love me and then I started putting myself out there, but I kept finding myself wanting to run back to my boy genius.”

He blushed at the nickname, his eyes glossing over. They were both leaning in and there was no way to stop the collision of their lips, Spencer’s hand getting lost in Y/N’s hair as she smiled against his lips. She slid into his lap, wincing at the sharp pain in her leg, both arms cautiously closing around his shoulders. She pulled away, nose nudging his in the midst of sharing slow and steady breaths.

“Spencer?”

“Hm?”

Her lips softly grazed against his again, his arms falling to her waist before securing themselves there.

“Don’t ever let go of me,” she stopped, her eyes opening to meet his. “Please.”

“Never.”

Taglist: @akalittletimmytim @kaitieskidmore1 @lainerain17 @partr1dge @slytherclawdiggory @jillys-feral-fandoms @harry-styles-1800 @cyliamarti @conansbitch @ronbrokemyheart @eunoia-kth @i-love-scott-mccall @wholebigboxofyikes @ava-brooke-blog1 @rudypankowisdaddy @justreadingficsdontmindme - let me know if you’d like to be removed - join here!

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Out Of The Blue - Part 3

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Word Count: 1300+

Summary: Reader has some exciting news to share with her longtime boyfriend Chris but what happens when he beats her to it with some news of his own?

A/N: I think i got everyone who asked to be tagged, if i didnt please send me an ask so i dont loose it 🤣

Please like/comment/share 💕

Hearing Chris's voice i pushed back my chair and made my way to the front door.

"She's not here" i heard Alex say as i got closer.

"Come on man, its important...."

"Alex it's fine, i'll be okay" i spoke up. I saw Chris sigh with what looked like relief?... but it was quickly replaced with a look of regret, maybe a little fear. Good!

"I'll just be in there" he pointed back towards the dining room " if you need me...."

"I'll let you know" i smiled. Alex eyed Chris once more before reluctantly retreating.

"How'd you find me?" I asked crossing my arms, it was kinda like my protective barrier.... he hated when i did this.

"Um, you used your card for gas.... a notification came up on your iPad. I looked up the gas station and drove out there. I asked the cashier if she'd seen you...."

"Great" i rolled my eyes, making a mental not to turn of my notifications!

"She said she remembered you coming in because you looked exhausted and she tried to get you to stay in a motel. But that you told her you only had an hours journey... thats when i kinda figured this was where you were. I didn't think you'd come this far to be honest".

"Was kinda the point"

Chris nodded sadly realising that i came here because i knew he wouldn't think id drive all the way out to Chelsea's.

"I know I'm the last person you wanna see right now, but Y/N we need to talk about some stuff...."

"Not here, i don't want the kids hearing" i said stepping outside and walking across the street to where his car was parked.

Once we were both in the car i turned to face him trying to keep myself from crying, because my god that was all i wanted to do!

"So what do you wanna talk about.... how you cheated on me??"

"I made the biggest mistake of my life. Its over i promise you.... it was never serious, but what i was doing.... it should never had happened!!"

"You slept with someone else of course it shouldn't have happened!!" I shouted.

"I never slept with her!!"

"What??!"

"I never slept with her i promise!"

"But you said you've been seeing someone!"

Chris nodded running his hand over his bearded jaw "it wasn't about sex, we just connected on an emotional level....I didnt even realise it was a problem at first...."

he sighed "but i found myself seeking her out when i was having a bad day. When things got hard with us.... we'd been trying everything to get pregnant and it just wasn't happening"

"You confided in her??! About our relationship?..."

"I was stressed and i blamed myself..... i felt like i was letting you down. I felt us drifting apart...." he told me sadly "i don't even know when it happened. But i started spending a lot of time with her...."

"And less time with me. All while i was sitting waiting for you to come home like an idiot! I know it was hard trying to get pregnant Chris but thats no excuse for you doing this! You should have come to me!" I turned my head away to wipe away some stray tears that managed to escape.

"Please don't cry dahlin'...."

"How can i not??....."

"Tell me how i can make this right? I don't want to loose you...."

"Im not sure you can. Chris do you have any idea how this makes me feel?? I feel like I'm not enough for you..."

"You are! I promise you, you are enough..."

"Clearly im not or we wouldn't be having this conversation!"

"So thats it? You're just gonna give up on us?"

"I wasn't the one who gave up on us. My god Chris, i would've done anything for you..... you were my world!"

"And now?....."

"Right now i can't even stand looking at you" i said sadly "my heart is in pieces..... i still can't wrap my head around the fact you did this. Its so out of the blue..... i thought we were happy" I cried into the sleeve of my jumper "i was so excited to tell you i was finally pregnant...... this baby couldn't have happened at a worser time. This should be one of the happiest days of my life but its been anything but happy".

"Will you just come home, please? We can sort this out...."

"I can't. I think we need some time apart"

"No..." he cried, tears running down his face "baby please don't leave me...."

"Go home Chris" i said quickly as i opened the door and stepped out.... i was in such a rush to get away from him that i didn't see the SUV coming towards me.

"Y/N!!!!" Was the last thing i heard before everything went black.

"Y/N!.... Y/N wake up....." i could hear Chris' voice as i slowly opened my eyes.

"Chris.....?"

"Yeah baby its me, you were dreaming" he said quietly as his hand stroked up and down my back. It was then that i realised i was laying in bed with Chris' arms around me.

It had all been a dream??!

I suddenly burst into tears, sobbing into Chris' bare chest.

"Hey.... hey whats wrong?" He asked tightening his hold on me "is it your dream?"

I nodded as i continued to cry "it was h..horrible! It felt so real...."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No. Chris let go of me.... i think I'm gonna be sick...." i pulled out of his arms and ran to the en suite. I made it just in time before i spilled my guys into the toilet.

Once the sickness passed i headed downstairs telling Chris i needed a minute to myself. I knew it was a dream... he hadn't actually done anything wrong, but i was pissed at Chris and felt ridiculous! I was sitting on the sofa under a blanket holding a warm mug of Chamomile tea when he came walking in. He hovered in the doorway for a minute before finally coming to sit next to me on the sofa.

"Look i'm not sure what i did to piss you off but will you come back to bed please? You know i hate sleeping without you"

"You haven't done anything wrong" i reached out and took his hand "that dream just really shook me up"

"Talk to me.... you might feel better if you talk about it"

"I... i found out i was pregnant...."

"Dahlin, its gonna happen i promise...." he quickly added thinking that was the reason i was so upset, because that part of my dream was real.... we'd been trying to get pregnant for so long now but it just wouldn't take.

"Thats not what got to me..... i found out i was pregnant but before i got to tell you, you came home from work and told me you had been seeing someone else. It felt so real...."

"Sweetheart....." Chris looked at me sadly tightening his hold on my hand "it was just a dream. I would never do that to you.... you're my world. Id be lost without you"

"It was horrible Chris! It felt so real! I left and went to Chelsea' but you tracked me down..... we were arguing in your car one minute, the next I'm getting out to leave and i got hit by a car! then i woke up...."

"I know it felt real, but its not. Im not going anywhere, you're stuck with me"

He pulled me in and pressed a tender kiss to my lips "i love you".

"I love you too".

"Sweetheart?.... are you crying again?"

"Yes!" I cried loudly, my god i was a mess! Chris chuckled softly.

"You're not still pissed at me because of your dream are you?"

"No! Im just very emotional!"

"Okay don't get mad at me but, are you sure you're not pregnant?".

I sat up straight on the sofa and stopped crying long enough to think about when i had my last period.

"Oh my god.... i'm late" i gasped, I was never late! "Do you think this is really it?"

"I hope so dahlin!" Chris replied with a huge smile.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier @hiddelstannerbarnes @bellamy-barnes @buchanansebba @rosalynshields @turtoix @dottirose

Out Of The Blue tags: @kenzieam @ilovetheeagles @mrspeacem1nusone @kawairinrin @coldmuffinpartycloud @memoriesat30 @idk123906 @thummbelina @uniquebeautyqueen

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

I know you said black mercy has been overused, but I think we like it so much because decent fic writers (like you) don't just use it for the shock value or torture porn, it allows us to explore the psyche of these characters and dig deep into what motivates them to make choices the actual writers on the show never explore (ie Kara's fear of abandonment or the fact that Lena's fear of being just another Luthor glosses over her deeper fear of being so out of control of her own destiny). Which is one of the reasons I'm trying not to get my hopes up for the Superfriends going to the Phantom Zone excursion--Kara has been stuck there for five episodes now and had absolutely no emotional growth or introspection because they've made it a buddy/dad adventure instead of exploring her trauma. But I digress, in my ideal world (world of fanfics, lol) we'd get to see Lena go to phantom zone and face her deepest fears to continue this great trajectory of growth we've been given this season, and dive into what those last hurdles might be that are keeping her from 'being happy'. (They would NOT be Lex related imo). If we got something like that, I think she'd step through the portal and either 1) find herself completely alone, just--all of the Superfriends have disappeared and she's alone in the dark. Because it's like she can't leave what's bad for her without losing the good too or something. OR 2) she'll stumble through the portal and end up right back in the tower where Alex and Kelly and everyone are surrounding a wounded Kara and she'll rush to help, so relieved even if she can't remember how they got her back and it'll be intense and there'll be hugs and sobs but then when Kara's lying there, clearly needing rest, and everyone's murmuring goodbyes Lena's heart might jump in her throat because Kara asks her to stay behind for a moment. And she thinks maybe this'll be it, she can tell Kara how much she's missed her, how much she loves her--but Kara speaks first, voice gravelly and exhausted, but eyes clear and as blue as ever, "I don't think we can be friends anymore." Hammering home that her biggest fear isn't that she can't save Kara--but that she WILL and it still won't be enough.

Okay, first of all, bish, you come into MY HOUSE, and start whispering all sorts of angsty goodness into my ear, and then DON’T provide me a fully formed fic for me to read??? How dare you!!! Jail for nonnie! Jail for one thousand years!!

Second of all, my black mercy comment was really more a commentary of myself than of fandom as a whole, considering I’ve postulated, at least four different supercorp black mercy ideas over the years, and like, all of them are domestic bliss. So like, if anyone wants to write another black mercy fic, they should. It’s not a tired trope if it’s someone other than me writing it.

Thirdly, you should really write a fic. I’d read the shit out of it.

[hey-there-juliet]

Random Drabble Day (2/23)

Summary: First off, let me just say that this is more like a one-shot than a drabble because I'm a wordy bitch and I cannot control myself 😅

That said, I always had a hard time imagining Julie writing some of the Perfect Harmony's lyrics about herself, so I thought why not make this just another song that Luke and Julie wrote together? This is set somewhere between Finally Free and Edge of Great, in that week when Ray was stress-eating. This is supposed to fit back into the show at the end, so it might seem like a cliffhanger, but it's not.

Quick shout out to @jamestkirkish for betaing this for me! I love you and you are amazing! Any remaining mistakes are my own. And to the fabulous Sloan, for helping me out with Luke's handwriting! Enjoy 🧡

Fandom: Julie and the Phantoms

Relationship: Juke 💜

in the great scheme of life and ghosts

No matter how many times Luke insisted that she had been snooping through his things, Julie knew for a fact that she had done no such thing. In reality, she had simply been cleaning the studio when she came across it.

For three ghosts who didn't eat and could barely even touch anything most of the time, the boys sure knew how to make a mess. Every morning Julie would walk into the studio to find the chairs or coffee table rearranged, at least one of the rugs was always askew, and the clothes... the clothes were everywhere, and the worst part was: they reeked. 

And so every morning before leaving for school Julie would shoot them a stern look and tell them to pick up after themselves. Which they did - when she got back home, things were mostly in their rightful place. Still, every weekend Julie would make sure to take a moment away from homework and rehearsal to tidy the place up to perfection, just like her mom liked it. She'd dust off the furniture, water the plants, sweep the floor, and even vacuum the whole place. One Saturday when she was home alone (her dad photographing a wedding, and Carlos at a friend's house), she even went through the trouble of washing all of the guys' old clothes. 

Somehow, and she didn't even want to think about how that worked, the clothes didn't stink when they were actually wearing them, but at any other moment when they made no contact with their skin? Yeah... not good. So she washed them all (three times, using every trick and product she had). She washed them a fourth time for good measure and, by the time she was finished, any traces of twenty-five year old mold was gone, and so was the smell.

So no, she was not snooping - no matter what Luke said - when she came across the crumpled paper ball between the couch and the low cabinet, just behind a big vase her mom had gotten from tía Victoria.

Julie sighed, making a mental note to tell Luke to put his discarded ideas in the bin (again) if he didn't want them anymore, when one scribbled and wrinkled word caught her attention: Perfect Ha-

She bit her lip, staring down at the teasing word. Perfect what? Was it lyrics? Maybe half formed ideas? Doodles? Julie knew Luke liked to doodle in the margins of his notebook whenever he got stuck trying to come up with the next best piece of lyric or melody. She also knew she should probably just leave it alone, put it with his stuff to ask him later if he wanted to keep it, or put it in the garbage. Except the more she glanced down at that damn word, the stronger she felt it pull her towards uncovering whatever else the crumpled paper ball was hiding. 

In the end, the pull was too strong. She'd just take a quick look, make sure it wasn't anything important before she threw it away. And, she reasoned with herself, trying to squish the guilt that was making itself known in the pit of her stomach: Luke had gotten rid of it, so he clearly didn't care much for whatever was in there. 

Not able to resist any longer, Julie carefully unfolded the paper, slowly making her way towards the piano and using its surface as a table to help smooth the page over.

Luke's (horrendous) handwriting covered it with the bare bones of a song, random lines were scribbled in the margins with a couple of doodles for company, and even a little note from their bassist - ‘Reggie was here ;)’.

It took her a minute before the chicken scratches became words, and then Julie's breath left her in a rush, as the guilty feeling in her stomach turned into butterflies and flew away with her imagination. 

It was a song, parts of one, anyway, and - more importantly - it was a love song.

Unprompted, her own words came back to her, "Wow, Luke! I didn't know you were such a romantic." Quickly followed by Alex's short reply, "He's not."

She knew now who Unsaid Emily was really about, but these new words were clearly about a different kind of love. The romantic kind, and Julie couldn't help letting herself believe - just for a moment - that the song might be about her.

Before she could let herself be carried away in a daydream, there was a - now familiar - shift in the air, a sound almost like static, the only thing letting her know of a ghost's appearance. Without a thought, she crumpled the page again and shoved the paper ball in her pocket for later inspection. 

"Hey, Julie!" Reggie's cheerful greeting sounded across the studio from where he had poofed in, and soon - with his "help," bless him - Julie was finished with her weekend clean up. 

As if summoned by the end of her chores, Luke poofed in, ready to rehearse. Alex soon followed; and by the time Julie retired for the night, the song had been almost forgotten where it hid inside her pocket. 

Almost.

***

After getting ready for the night, Julie settled on her bed with the wrinkled page and her dreambox. She read over the words again and again, imagining they were about her.

Step into my world, 

Bittersweet love story about a girl 

Shook me to the core 

Voice like an angel, 

I've never heard before, 

- 

You and me together, it's more than chemistry 

- 

Love me as I am 

I hold your music 

Here inside my hands 

- 

You are my brightest burning star 

- 

We create Perfect Harmony.

And unless Luke had been singing with another girl, there didn't seem to be many options on who it could be about, right?

From the beginning, Julie had felt something connecting her to him; to all of them, in different ways. But Luke had been the one to give her a little piece of his soul right after meeting her when he let her use Bright to earn back her spot in the music program. Seeing his passion reflecting back on her, the way he treated music like she used to, made her miss it more than anything for the first time in almost a year. It made her miss the way it felt to use music to connect with her mom.

After they spent a whole weekend finishing each other's songs and working on new ones, getting to know each other's inner workings - the part of them that bled out feelings into paper to create beautiful melodies, Julie knew she was a goner. Finding out he'd been the one to write the words that shaped her taste in rock certainly didn't help. Like he'd been helping her find her way to music long before they even met.

Her crush on him had been inevitable from the start, and while falling for him was probably one of the worst things she could’ve done, it was too late to stop it. She'd been free falling for a while, and hopefully she'd land in his arms soon enough. Reading over his words again gave Julie a warm fluttering in her stomach that made her think he was more than ready to catch her once she reached the ground. 

Carefully folding the piece of paper, she put it inside her dreambox, then placed the box back on the shelf.

***

The following week went by without any hiccups. Every once in a while, Julie would remember Luke's song and a familiar warmth would fill her up, leaving a soft smile on her lips and glazed eyes staring off at nothing. Just as often, Flynn would have to shake her out of her daydreams.

She didn't think much would come of it until her dad decided to throw the band a party so he could film them and post their video on YouTube. Which was fine. Amazing, even. It was most certainly great! Until Luke came to the school, staring at her with his stupid, beautiful, awed eyes, and with his soft, perfect smile, saying things that made her combust and melt, all at the same time.

"I think you make me a better writer." 

    "I think we make each other better."

Calling Nick 'Luke' was bad enough, but slipping into a complete musical sequence as she danced with him? "Goner" didn't even begin to describe her. 

Like the other times they'd written together, the lyrics flowed through her, finishing the song he'd started with the same ease as one would take a breath.

Julie knew that whatever was going on between her and Luke couldn't happen or, if it did, it couldn't last. In fact, in the great scheme of life and ghosts, she didn't know much, but what she did know was that - be it in life or in death - love was constant. 

He didn't need to have a heartbeat or to be able to touch her for her to love him. He was just as real to her as the next person, and whether it would hurt in the long run or not, it didn't matter. 

She knew Flynn was only looking out for her, but that ship had sailed, and Julie was already so lost in his ocean eyes that avoiding eye contact wasn't going to bring it back. She would entertain her though, even knowing it wouldn't work. Just like the tide, eventually he'd pull her right back in.

She could love him just as he was, for however long they had together, and especially after that.

-

End notes: I hope you guys enjoyed it! And, if you'll notice, at the beginning it kind of gives off the impression that Luke eventually finds out about the song and Julie tells him how she found it. Which may or may not lead you to believe that they're in a relationship. I guess it all depends on interpretation though ;)

Oh, also! Shout out to the chaos squad folks that guessed right! You guys are no fun :( /j lmao

[lovecolibri]

For someone who claims to hate jealousy storylines, she sure does act like someone who’s.... jealous 😆 but for real, it’s just embarrassing for her at this point. Why would she repeatedly bring up the fact that she got fired (by constantly reminding people she didn’t write S3)? Oh sorry, I mean left because of creative differences 🙃

Right?! I'm sure she'll stick around to constantly remind people that she made the show (but wait, didn't she say she never really wanted to do the show anyway and that's why she left? 🙃) but we can all rest easy knowing she pissed about how things are going, which is a ringing endorsement for me! Also, this actually explains SO much about what happened last season, why Alex wasn't allowed to be upset, or hurt (neither of which are jealously but clearly she doesn't understand how emotions work), and why whatever the hell she was trying to do with m*luca failed so spectacularly. Because not only did we not get Alex having emotions or being hurt, we also didn't get to see Michael still favoring Alex over m*ria (like, we kind of did in that he called Alex every time he needed actual emotional support which m*ria couldn't be bothered to give him, but all the Malex scenes are in a bubble so no one else really knows about them) and instead have it reinforced over and over that he's picking m*ria, and then because of all THAT, we didn't get to really see m*ria being jealous that Michael and Alex still clearly have something going on, because that would mean she'd have to confront the fact that she knew Alex was still in love with Michael and hopeful about things (which she picked up with her psychic senses so you can't tell me she didn't pick up that Michael still loves him too 🙄🙄🙄). Plus, because of that 2x06 interview, we know THAT scene was played as her being jealous and trying to force a clear choice, but c*rina tried to side-step that and say it wasn't about that at all (even if that's how it was acted out) which now makes a little more sense too.

Sorry this got long and rambly. The point is, she doesn't like what's going on which is great news for us, and she can die mad about it.