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dancingtotuyo · 5 months

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High Infidelity Part IV

Joel Miller x Female Reader

Rating: Mature Explicit

Summary: Joel goes on a date.

Tags: Tommy x Reader, Joel x Reader, Tommy's Wife Reader, infidelity, emotional affair, slow burn (as much as you can get for 5 chapters), Tommy goes to jail, Reader has had a child

Warnings: pining, jealousy, masturbation (male and female), voyeurism, self loathing, emotional affair, boundaries crossed

Notes: Things are getting a little spicy hehe. As usual, shout out to my beta readers @janaispunk and @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin (special shout out to Ang for the ✨spicy✨ idea 😜) and @saradika-graphics for the dividers!

Words: 4818

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When Joel asks you to watch Sarah on Friday night, you don’t hesitate to say yes. Then, two minutes later you call him back and ask why. You’re surprised when he tells you he has a date. You should tease him, nag for details, but it’s none of your business. You find yourself wanting to know everything and nothing.

Joel is a grown-ass man. A single man at that, but it nags at you. Who is she? Where did he meet her? The two of you spend most of your free time together. In the six years you’ve known Joel, you can’t remember him ever mentioning a woman.

His sole focus has always been Sarah. You suppose Tommy is on that list too, and Nathaniel. The two of you have matching worry lines thanks to your husband, and you guess by default you’re on the list too. If there’s one thing Joel Miller is committed to, it’s family.

Joel comes down in dark-wash jeans and a simple button-down. You didn’t know he owns jeans that nice, hugging his thighs, leather belt cinched at his waist. Your eyes rake over him perhaps a moment longer than needed. He hadn’t looked that nice at your and Tommy’s courthouse wedding.

You raise an eyebrow letting out a low whistle as he enters the kitchen. “Lucky lady.” You take a bite from your apple slice. You point the paring knife at his jeans. “Those new?”

Joel knits his eyebrows together. “No. Why?”

“I’ve never seen them before.”

“You keep tabs on my closet?”

“We’ve basically lived together for 3 years. You wear the same two pairs of work jeans and five ratty T-shirts in rotation. I wouldn’t be surprised if your shirts have the days of the week labeled on the inside.”

“Church clothes.”

You scowl. “We don’t go to church.”

“Speak for yourself, Darlin.” He chuckles, checking his watch, the one you gave him for Father’s Day. You shoot him a suspicious look. “The kids out back?”

“Yup.” You say, taking another bite of apple.

Joel’s fingertips brush across your shoulders as he passes by, the warmth of his cologne fills your nostrils as he rushes out. A pit settles deep in your stomach. You’re not sure where it stems from, but you don’t like it. You feel uneasy.

The back door shuts just as a tap on the front door echoes through the house. You sigh, not really wanting to answer it. The pit grows and you still don’t understand where it’s coming from. Sarah and Nathaniel’s muted laughter filters through as you open the door.

She’s pretty you think. Not someone you consider to be a show-stopper, but exactly what you would picture Joel going for. There’s something almost familiar about her. She looks taken aback when you open the door. You plaster your well-practiced Southern hospitality smile on your face.

“I’m Joel’s sister-in-law. Just here to watch the kids.” You hold out your hand. Relief floods her features.

“Tracy.” She takes your hand.

“Nice to meet you.” You can’t shake the nagging air of familiarity about her. It itches your brain, hanging on the tip of your tongue. Have you seen her at parent pick-up before? “Joel should be back soon. He’s just saying goodnight.”

Tracy nods, clutch held tight in both hands. Maybe it makes you an asshole, but you don’t invite her in, forcing her to stand at the threshold of an open door. She wears a solid dress. Her makeup is tasteful and leagues ahead of anything you’d ever be able to pull off, especially with a rowdy toddler.

For a second you miss it. The freedom that is. You wouldn’t give up Nathaniel for the world. Hell, you wouldn’t give up Tommy for the world even with the shit you’re going through, but the ability to go out at a moment’s notice and let the alcohol loosen your inhibitions, you miss that. Tracy couldn’t be much older than you. Maybe a year or two. Did you go to high school together? Is that why she looks familiar?

There’d been a couple Tracys in your small high school, but none that look like her.

“You have a son, right?” Tracy says. You nod. She smiles as if proud of herself for remembering the fact. “Joel mentioned that you two do a lot together- with his brother being in prison.”

“Yeah, we do.” Your shoulders stiffen and your smile tightens. So this wasn’t their first date. They knew each other well enough for Joel to divulge your business like it was front-page news. Though, you suppose it had made the paper.

“Well, I got them both riled up for ya,” Joel says, walking through the house. He plays with the cuffs of his shirt before looking up. He seems startled to find the door wide open and Tracy on the other side. “Oh- Hi.”

“Hi,” Tracy laughs.

He looks between the two of you like he’s seen a ghost. You cross your arms, a faint smirk playing across your lips. “Just remember payback’s a bitch.”

“Yeah... I don’t doubt it.” Joel almost mutters it under his breath. He joins Tracy on the other side of the threshold, pressing a distracted kiss to her cheek. “You ready to go?”

You catch the weirdness of Joel’s demeanor, familiar with all of his tendencies by now. You raise an eyebrow in question, but Joel won’t look you in the eye. His arm wraps around Tracy’s waist, pushing her toward his pickup.

“Make yourself at home.” Joel throws his hand up in a wave despite his back being turned to you.

“Always do!” You call back.

You watch them until the truck is out of the driveway, confusion written across your face as you process the odd interaction. Why was Joel acting so weird- like you weren’t supposed to meet the mysterious lady he’d obviously been out with more than once, and why hadn’t he told you yet? And why did she look so damn familiar?

The moment the door clicks behind you, it hits. You freeze. The familiarity in her face is one you see every time you look in the mirror. She’s not your twin by any means, but Tracy could be your cousin, your sister even. Something you can’t place settles in your gut.

The kids are finally asleep. The TV drones on, but you don’t hear a sound of it. The whole interaction plays on repeat in your mind. You chew on your thumbnail. You can’t stop thinking about them, where they are, and what they might be doing.

You glance down at your watch. 10:30. You don’t typically go to bed this early, and you’re not tired, but you can’t get it off your mind. Sleep is your only option for relief.

Checking on the kids, you slip into Joel’s room. You’ve stayed in here more times than you can count as Joel always insists you stay in his bed. It’s automatic how you pull one of his shirts from the drawer. Not one of his five shitty work shirts but one of the well-worn ones he wears on the weekend after he showers. They’re soft. They smell like him, sawdust and old spice, not the cologne you caught on him this evening. You slip under the cool sheets, stretching out your bare legs and burying your face in his pillow. You’re surrounded by him here.

You thought it would turn off the thoughts, silence your mind, but it doesn’t. If anything they ramp up. You know there’s no way Joel’s had her here. He wouldn’t bring a strange woman into his home, Sarah’s home, that quickly. No, it’s all him in here… and you.

It’s just after eleven. You’re not asleep. Joel’s not home and your mind is running through the memories as it often does when you lay alone. You’ve spent more nights alone than with someone since you got married. You should be used to it, but you’re not. There should be someone next to you right now.

Tossing and turning, an idea sparks in your mind. There’s one surefire way to get yourself to sleep. The mere thought sets desire through your veins. Goosebumps prickle your flesh. Your nipples perk up under Joel’s soft shirt. It’s been a while since you’ve touched yourself.

Kicking the blankets off of you, you let your fingers skim over your bare thighs, moving them upward until your shirt is tucked under your breasts. Joel’s shirt. It has you pausing. This crosses so many lines. You can’t do this here, in your brother-in-law’s bed, in Joel’s bed where it smells like him. Where it feels like him.

Your cunt clenches and a soft groan escaped from your lips. You’ve barely touched yourself, not enough for that response. Your heart rate refuses to calm down, the flame of desire already spreading from deep in your stomach. You shouldn’t do this, not here, but your fingers trace up and over your sternum again, slipping under Joel’s shirt. You brush your thumb over the hardened buds. You’ll change the sheets tomorrow. He’ll never know.

A soft moan tumbles over your lips. Your body moves of its own volition, pressing into your touch. Your hands move down and across your skin. You run them over your favorite places to be touched, everywhere except where you want to be touched the most. You avoid it, waiting until your panties start to cling to you, excess moisture soaking into them. A finger runs over the seam of your lower lips. Another moan falls from your mouth, hips bucking up.

You push down your panties, flinging them off once they hit your ankles. Your fingers slip between your folds. You’re slick, spreading it up and down, over and around your clit as need builds in your body. Another moan threatens to fall from your mouth, each one growing in volume. You bite down on the collar of Joel’s shirt. Another whiff of him overtakes you. Your cunt clenches as you finally slip a finger in and then a second.

The house is dark when Joel gets back. He feels like a dick. He’d been distracted the whole time. He saw it the moment he spotted the two of you together- the resemblance. He felt like an idiot for not seeing it sooner, and even more when he couldn’t stop thinking about you the whole night. There’s nothing wrong with Tracy. She’s perfectly nice, but the bubble has popped. She’s not you. He won’t be seeing her again.

It doesn’t help that he knew he’d come home to a dark house. He knows you’re asleep in his bed right now in one of his shirts, and Lord help him, it kept him distracted all night.

He’s quiet as he walks up the stairs so as to not wake you or the kids. He stares at his bedroom door, taunting him. You’re in there and he knows what you feel like sound asleep in his arms. You haven’t talked that night. In fact, you’ve acted like it never happened and he’s followed suit. He wonders if he could slip behind you now. If you would let him hold you.

He lets out a long sigh, fighting with himself. He needs to slip in, grab a pair of sweats, but he’s not sure if he’ll be able to pull himself out. He can sleep in his boxers, maybe find some sweats in the laundry. His hand drops from the door.

He’s going to walk away. He’s not going to cross that line again. That’s his brother’s wife. The woman Tommy told him to take care of. He has to stop this. He can’t- and then he hears it. Soft and quiet at first. A soft gasp that hitches, like it got caught on something.

He freezes. It’s probably nothing, a dream, his imagination. Then he hears it again, this time pitched lower, like it comes from a deeper place. He can’t discount that one. As much as his brain screams at him to go, run, his feet stay anchored to the floor. He’s desperate to hear it again, and he’s rewarded with another moan.

They’re intentional. You’re doing that to yourself in his bed. He bites his lip, hand falling to the door frame to stabilize him. He shouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t be envisioning you spread out on his bed, toes curling against his sheets. The blood rushes straight to his cock and Joel knows he’s about to cross a line he can’t come back from.

Another moan comes out of the room. He flips open the button of his jeans, hand slipping beneath the waistband stroking his already hard cock. Maybe it makes him a creep, but he’s never been more grateful for the thin walls in the house.

Your noises of pleasure grow. Joel bites back his own, nails digging into the door frame. Precum leaks from the tip of his dick. He catches the way your moans grow more desperate as you take yourself closer. He works himself to the edge with you, wanting to hold off until you’re there.

You’re so close to falling over the edge. Your fingers glide over your clit with ease, soaked with your slick. You’ve been pushing the images away the whole time, trying not to go there, but the closer you pull yourself to bliss, the harder it is to keep them at bay. Your eyes drift shut as you lean into the feeling, willing yourself over the edge. They flash in your mind, pictures of him over you, calloused hands running over your bare body, his deep baritone in your ear as he pulls you apart. The tension between your thighs breaks free. You don’t realize how loud you cry out, ears ringing with pleasure as his name effortlessly rolls off your lips.

You lay there, still, chest heaving. Not Tommy’s name. Joel’s.

Before you have time to comprehend what just happened, it breaks through the silence. A soft, bitten back moan on the other side of the door in a tone you can only recognize as his and the faint whispers of your name. Your eyes widen. Had he…?

Your brain races with the possibilities as you lay bare, tshirt pushed above your breasts. He could walk in. You hadn’t locked the door. You could open the door to him, take his hand, invite him into his own bed.

You cringe. When did you become this person? The one who lusts after another man while married? As much as you’re ashamed, you fight against the temptation. You want to give in. You want to be touched and desired again. You’d seen it in Joel’s eyes that night at the beach. He would give you what you needed. Before you can make a decision, you hear the steps creak. He’s walked away.

You let out a deep breath, not sure if you’re disappointed or relieved. You roll over, burying your head in Joel pillow, wrapping yourself in his comforter, cunt still slick and dripping.

Lucky for Joel, he’s able to find clean sweats in the dryer and then starts the washer with his jeans and boxers, washing away all evidence of his sins.

He settles on the couch with just the decorative pillow and throw blanket. It’s hot anyway so the blanket is quickly kicked to his feet. He can’t put it out of his mind. Any of it. You.

He tries not to think about the sounds you made in his bed, the things you did. He tries not to think about you asleep in his arms, but with all things, the more you try not to think about them, the more you do.

Joel has accepted that he’s not a good man. His intentions with you are no longer pure, but self seeking. Yes, he cares for you and your well being, but he wants you. He needs you near him. He needs you to realize he’s been here through it all. That Tommy has done nothing to be worthy of you. Joel has spent more of your marriage being your husband than Tommy has.

He clenches his fists. Anger surges through him. Joel doesn’t care if it makes him a bad person. If he had a way to go and turn back time, he would. He’d find a way to meet you before Tommy did. He would make you his. He would save you from the heartache of being Tommy’s wife. You would be his Mrs. Miller.

Joel wishes he’d kissed you at the beach. He wanted to. God knows how badly he’d wanted to. It took every last ounce of self control not to. His stores are depleted. Between that and tonight, Joel has no more restraint to offer this situation. If you ever give him the chance again, he won’t hold back. He doesn’t care that you’re married to his brother. You deserve better. You deserve the world. Joel believes he can give it to you.

You both sleep better than you have in weeks.

“I never understood back to school nights,” Joel grumbles, stuffing a store bought chocolate chip cookie in his mouth and washing it down with cheap faculty room coffee. “Want some?”

“You know I don’t drink caffeine after two.”

Joel shrugs, taking another sip. “It’s not that good anyway.”

You roll your eyes. “What about back to school nights makes you grumpy? It’s a chance for Sarah to see where she’ll spend most of her time for the next nine months.”

“Then where is she?” Joel raises an eyebrow. “Out on the playground because it only takes 5 seconds to see the classroom and she’d rather play with her friends.”

“You’re a grump.”

“Yeah, a grump who’d rather be watching the game.”

You roll your eyes, swatting his shoulder. “Have you at least talked to her teacher yet?”

He grimaces. “Haven’t worked up the courage yet.”

It isn’t that Joel doesn’t want to know the person responsible for educating his child. It’s the fact that Sarah has a knack for ending up with the young, single teachers as her educators, ones who seem very interested in her father as more than a parent. He’d been granted reprieve last year, but you’d caught the visible shudder in his frame the moment he’d laid eyes on Sarah’s teacher for the year, young and not a ring on her left hand in sight.

“Stop judging a book by its cover. You’re a grown up.”

“Fine.” He sets down his coffee with determination. “Let’s go.” His hand finds your waist as he propels you both toward the teacher.

“What are you doing?” Your eyebrows knit together. You have a sneaking suspicion you know what he’s playing at.

“We’re going to meet Sarah’s teacher.” He shrugs, but a smile plays at the corners of his mouth. “Mrs. Miller.”

Your stomach does little flips. You’ve been mistaken for his Mrs. Miller more times than you can count at this point. You’ve attended Sarah’s parent teacher conferences when Joel got held up at a job sight, letting the teachers assume whatever they wanted. You are Mrs. Miller after all. But you’ve never done anything like this, not alongside him.

He introduces himself and you to Miss Holly as he tugs you in closer to his right side. Your left arm instinctively wraps around his middle and you see the moment she watches the glint of your engagement and wedding ring under the fluorescent lights.

It’s hardly the first time you’ve been mistaken for Joel Miller’s wife, but it is the first time he’s played into the assumption on purpose, with confidence. It’s the first time you let your mind forget it’s not true, even for just a few seconds, playing a part that doesn’t feel like playing at all. Joel lets his southern charm show now, protected by the guise of you as his bride. Before you know it, it feels too natural. Joel’s hand falls a bit, grasping your hip, tugging you closer like it’s the most natural thing in the world. You think maybe it is.

Joel leads the conversation. You’re too caught up in the feel of his hand on your hip and the breathing of his chest under your palm. The night you almost kissed, the night you crawled into his bed and he held you through some of the best sleep you’ve gotten in years flashes in your mind. You think back to just last week, his name on your lips, that strangled, soft moan, and your own name you swear you heard.

“It was nice meeting you, Mr. and Mrs. Miller,” Sarah’s teacher says, pulling you from your thoughts.

Joel offers his own goodbyes and you echo them, still fighting the haze inside your own mind. You wonder if there’s a world where this is your life, one where you and Joel aren’t playing make believe. One where you crawl in bed beside him every night instead of your empty bed. It’s an awful thought. Your husband gets released from prison in a few weeks. These thoughts will be gone by then. They have to be.

It was one night of indiscretion, two at the most, and you never actually did anything. You didn’t know Joel was on the other side of that door. Tommy doesn’t need to know. By his own admission, he’s actually crossed those boundaries. He’s broken your wedding vows. You glance at Joel’s profile as he leads you out of the classroom, a proud smirk on his face. The bastard enjoyed that way too much.

When you make it to the hall, his fingers lace through yours. Is he forgetting too? Giving himself a moment to linger in the unspoken what ifs that seem to crowd around you these days.

He drops your hand once you’re outside in view of the playground. He waves Sarah over, but you stay a couple steps behind, deep in thought until someone calls your name. Your head snaps in their direction. Julia and Micky Hall stand before you. Your eyes widen in recognition. Micky was one of Tommy’s Army buddies. They’d moved to Dallas after the group came back from their deployment.

“Hi,” the words fall from your mouth in shock. “I didn’t know y’all were back in Austin.” Your feet carry you toward the couple.

“Just moved back last month,” Julia says as you move to hug her and then Micky. “We’ve been meaning to call.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s just good to see you both.” The smile across your face is genuine as you talk to your friends. You’d grown apart since their move. Other than Joel, Julia had been your closest friend during Tommy’s deployment. “How have you been? The boys?”

“Starting first grade,” Julia grins, pointing to her twin boys on the playground.

Your eyes catch them, running around. “They’ve grown so much.”

“How’s Nathaniel?” Julia asks.

“Good, growing like a weed as I’m sure you’re familiar with.”

“Too familiar,” Julia laughs.

“Nathaniel isn’t going into Kindergarten, is he?” Micky asks.

“Next year. I came for Sarah’s back to school night. Joel’s daughter.” You point to where Sarah is just rushing over to her father. You feel the ghost of Joel’s touch when you utter his name. “We’ve been helping each other out a lot with everything.”

The couple nods, an awkward silence forming between you as if they don’t want to address the elephant in the room. The heat has let up a little bit as the sun begins to dip behind the trees.

“I’ve written to Tommy a couple of times,” Micky says, hands tucked into his front pockets. “Haven’t heard back much.”

You force a nod, feeling the tension grow in your limbs. “I haven’t been able to get much from him.”

You catch the way both their eyes widen. They were there the night you and Tommy met. They’d seen the way you fell, both of you. How inseparable your bond is, or was.

“Shit,” Micky says, running a hand over his face. “How are you holding up?”

“Not sure I am most days. Joel’s been a big help to us.” It feels like you’re concealing the whole truth. Joel’s been the crutch keeping you going most days. Julia’s brow furrows with concern.

Micky nods. “I’d like to go see him if that’s okay.”

“Of course. Maybe you can get through to him.”

“And we should get the kids together,” Julia adds. “Catch up ourselves.”

“That would be nice,” you smile at her as you catch Joel and Sarah waiting by the truck, laughing about something. “I should go, but you should call. Number’s still the same.”

“I’ll use it.” Julia smiles as you wave at both of them before crossing the parking lot with a weird feeling in your gut.

Seeing Julia and Micky was nice. It brought back a lot of good memories. The four of you. It’s another reminder of how lonely the last years have been. How much you’ve depended on Joel. How much he’s been there.

As you join Joel and Sarah at the truck, Sarah catches you up on all her friend’s summer vacations and updates, mouth moving a million miles a minute. She doesn’t stop as you climb in or for the click of your seat belt. You stay quiet, watching Austin wiz by out the passenger side window.

When Joel pulls into your driveway, you let out a sigh staring at the door. He leans over the center console, keeping his voice low. “You okay, Darlin? You’ve been quiet since we left.”

“Just tired. I’ll see y’all tomorrow.” You fling the door of the pick up open.

“Darlin?”

You bristle, smoothing out your skirt as you turn to face him. His brows knit together. “I’m fine, Joel.”

“You’re coming over tomorrow, right Aunt Bonnie?”

“Of course, Sarah Bear.” You blow her a kiss, shutting the door before Joel can protest. He makes sure you’re inside before pulling out of the driveway.

Nathaniel is already asleep thanks to an afternoon at the playground and the magic your sitter works. You pay her extra tonight. You’ve never been more thankful to come home to a sleeping child, too distracted by the run in with your friends and Joel’s hot hands on you, the way he held you as if to tell the world to back off, you’re his.

You pull the bottle of Tequila out of the cabinet. You’re tempted to pull straight from the bottle but you pour a finger or so into a glass instead. Your mother raised you better than that. She also raised you better than to pine after your brother in law.

You throw back the whole glass. The cheap liquor burns your throat. You ran out of the good stuff last week with Joel and hadn’t made it to the liquor store yet. Joel had drunk you under the table, your tolerance not what it used to be. Not that you had ever been able to keep up with him. You fill the glass with another finger and toss it back. You can’t think about Joel. Can’t think about the way your wedding bands burn against your skin as if they are punishing you for tonight, for last week, for Father’s Day and for everything else.

You pour more tequila into the cup, but you add ice and margarita mixer this time, knowing the first two shots will catch up to you soon enough. You fall onto the couch with a sigh. Three weeks. Just three weeks and Tommy will be back. You won’t see Joel everyday. Your husband will take care of you, satisfy you. That’s all this is. The deprivation of the last two and a half years. You can make it three more weeks.

You try to reason it away. It makes sense. You and Joel have been so close in all this. He’s been your partner, not your husband, but partner. He’s an attractive man, thoughts were bound to pop up, lines were bound to get blurry, but all will correct itself when Tommy’s home. Yes, it all makes perfect sense.

You take a sip of the margarita. Condensation trickles down your hand and ice rattles in the glass. Even as the numbness of the tequila shots begins to take over your body, the reassurances feel weak.

Even if you can’t admit it, something has shifted. You and Joel are playing with fire.

Three more weeks you push. Tommy will be home. You’ll have Your Tommy back.

But you can’t erase the last two and a half years. Tonight, with the ghost of his hands on your body, you remember all the ways Joel has been there for you over these past years, filling in the gaping caverns Tommy left.

Taglist: @pamasaur @alltheotps @rizzraa @moel-jiller @misstokyo7love

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#em's fics #joel miller #tommy miller #joel miller x reader #tommy miller x reader #the last of us #tlou #the last of us fanfiction #ppcu fanfiction #high infidelity (joel miller)#pedrostories #pedro stories

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everythingmp3 · 5 months

Text

𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬

Tess Servopoulos x fem!reader

this is a combination of three concepts: no outbreak + Joel is readers father and Tess is his best friend (my take on the dbf thing) + road trip.

AO3

you can find part 2 here

authors note: this started out as just for fun but then it turned into the longest fic I’ve ever written and I ended up really liking it, so wanted to put it out there! I tried to keep it fun and light while also giving the characters depth and heart and I think it ended up being a good mix of the two. it brought me a lot of joy to spend time with this story, it is close to my heart now and I’m proud of it, so I hope you have a good time reading <3

warnings: minors dni. drinking, brief discussion of a strained mother relationship, smut. reader is in her early 20s and Tess is in her early/mid 40s, so obviously a large age gap

word count: 23k

when your father suggested to you that you should drive back home from college with Tess instead of paying for a flight, you thought please god no.

it wasn´t that you had anything against her, you´d never even been introduced, but after the stress of finals and packing up your dorm the last thing you wanted to do was to spend hours and hours trapped in a car with a stranger. the reason that you had never met her even though she was his best friend was that she moved to Boston ages ago and they mostly did their friendship long distance, Joel mostly visited her whenever you were at your grandparents or your mothers place for spring break or the summer. you were aware of her, you knew they were close and had a longstanding friendship, but you had yet to meet her for the first time. now that you weren´t a kid anymore he thought it could be fun, to connect you two, since you were both two of the most important people in his life.

he really tried to sell it to you when he heard a hesitant silence on the other end of the call, going on and on about the beautiful lush nature you could see on the drive, the adventurous nature of it all, the fact that Tess was a very chill person who wouldn´t be overbearing at all, and you could tell from his tone how enthusiastic he was about the idea of having his daughter and his best friend finally getting to know each other, so you masked your initial annoyance and agreed to it, telling yourself that if it was really that bad you could just pretend to fall asleep in the passenger seat for a few hours.

Tess had about the same reaction when he called her to suggest that she should take you with her on her drive down to Texas. she had a thing for road trips, especially during summer, the feeling of an open road with the windows down and hours of nobody to answer to, so she´d told him in advance that she would come by car to visit him, so when he realized that you´d be off school the same week she was planning to come, he thought perfect, Boston is very close to her college town. Tess had no good argument against taking you with her and she knew that she´d be in his good graces afterwards, so she thought fuck it, what´s the worst that could happen? she would come to remember this moment later and think if you only knew.

you could tell that Joel was kind of hoping that Tess might function as a sort of mother figure for you, since you and your mom were anything but close, but what he didn´t realize was that the kind of attention you wanted from women like her was not necessarily the maternal kind, at least not strictly, otherwise he might have thought twice about putting you in a confined space with his good looking friend.

Joel gave you her number and predictably she was not one for long or emotional responses, a short and unembellished “see you at 12.” was all you got from her, no “looking forward to meeting you”, no “see you then!”, which made you wonder whether that was just the way she texted or if she was also kind of reluctant about the whole thing. for some reason it made you feel better to know that she wasn´t the type to be overly excited, nothing would have grated on your nerves more than having to be chipper and talkative the whole drive. something about her being more on the reserved side seemed desirable to you as you made your way downstairs that morning, a little tired and hungover from the farewell party the night before, your head pounding for a moment as you stepped out into the sun.

it took you about five minutes until you reached the side of the road where you´d agreed to meet and the first thing you thought when you spotted her was thank god the car is big. the second thing was she looks much cooler than I expected. of course you´d seen pictures of her but they didn´t do her justice at all; Tess was leaning back against the passenger side door, her arms crossed, her black t-shirt and worn out jeans an effortless but flattering look for her, her stance giving off an air of confidence as the wind blew through her hair. for a moment there you were glad you´d actually bothered to get dressed in a real outfit and not just lounge wear. Tess´s mental image of you was also very different from the reality that she was confronted with, for a moment she didn´t even register that it was you as you came closer because for some reason she´d pictured you much younger, probably due to Joel´s habit of calling you his “babygirl”. the moment she saw you she realized that you were fully grown, not some little girl.

due to that slight confusion she only got up to move towards you once you were only a few feet away, giving her a friendly nod as you already felt sweat collecting at your hairline from the effort of carrying your bags. “hey” you said as you stood there, slightly self conscious as she pushed up her sunglasses to take a good look at you, waiting a second before she said “you´re late.” in a stern tone that took you off guard. you glanced down at your phone “yeah by two minutes...”, suppressing a laugh because you knew that it might not land well. Tess was never the best at first impressions and she realized that she might have come on too strong there, so she pointed at your luggage “here, let me take care of those, you go ahead and get in”, so you handed her everything you´d brought, except for the smaller bag that held your books, water, etc., smiling to yourself and shaking your head as you got into the car, thinking well, this is gonna be interesting.

you tried to find a casual way to sit as she got in on the other side and rested her hands on her thighs before turning to you.“so. here´s the plan” she started, before going on to lay out your next 30 hours or so, she kept it brief, telling you which states you´d have to pass through, including an overnight stay somewhere in Tennessee if she had calculated the amount of miles you could manage in a day right. you just nodded along, adding the occasional “sounds good”, not giving her any trouble, before she started the car. you tried to butter her up a little then “thank you for doing this by the way. I know you probably would´ve preferred to do it on your own so.. yeah I appreciate the ride, really, it beats having to get up at 3am to go to the airport”, she could tell that you were a little worried about being a nuisance so she softened her tone a little, “oh it´s fine, really, besides I think he also had to do some convincing to get you to agree to this huh?” you laughed then, “I mean, a little yeah.”. she looked good driving, competent, you suddenly felt relaxed as you got comfortable in the passenger seat, rolled the window down a little, and started chatting with her about the surface level stuff that strangers always had to get out of the way when trying to get to know each other.

she asked about college, about classes, how you lived, roommates all that, you asked her about her job, her apartment, what she does on weekends, but after a while you both felt the other one getting bored so it turned a little more personal, you asked her “so, remind me how did you and my dad meet again? I´m sure he´s told me before but I forgot”. she thought for a moment, you just looked at her from the side, enjoying the draft of the wind that was cooling you down in the midday heat, “well, I think it was the second year of college. oh yeah I remember now, we were both at this awful party, like truly not the crowd any of us would have usually hung with, and we ended up in the garden smoking while things were escalating inside. I think we were both just glad to meet a somewhat sane person we could sit in silence with for a moment so yeah, guess that was that, we hung out a lot after that”, you nodded, smiling at the idea of them around your age.

“well from what I´ve witnessed I think you´re a good friend to him. really helped him a lot when things were.. you know not great back then after the divorce and all that. maybe I benefitted too from that, him being more stable thanks to your support” she shook her head “okay you´re giving me too much credit there I think. but yeah I remember, it was a tough time. you were too young to remember much right?”, she seemed genuinely interested then, leaning over a little while glancing back and forth between the road and your face, “yeah I just remember bits and pieces. but you know, things got better for sure, seems like a distant memory now to be honest” she was glad to hear that, “yeah, from what I´ve heard you two did make a good duo” she´d heard endless praise from him, always calling you his angel to a point of her getting tired of it at times.

by that point of the drive you were already outside of city limits, on the highway, so for a few minutes you both sat there in silence until you tried to prop your legs up on the dashboard. she immediately shoved your knee to signal for you to take them down “oh no absolutely not”, “what? why??” you protested, “you would snap in fucking half if I made an abrupt stop right now with you sitting like that, and I plan on delivering you in once piece, so legs down, now”. reluctantly you put them down again, groaning a little, rubbing your temples yet again, you´d done this motion a few times before, and it dawned on her then what your issue was, “late night hm?” you didn´t laugh, “yes.” your tone indicating that you were regretting it, and Tess felt herself warming up to you then, knowing that you weren´t some sheltered miss perfect, but someone who would do something reckless like partying before two days of travel.

“you need an aspirin or something?” she said, a slightly condescending touch to it, which made you perk up and prove to her that you were doing just fine, “I´m good, thanks” you turned off the radio because the song was getting on your nerves, some awful pop tune you´d heard one too many times, “god I hate that fucking song.” you got an idea, “do you have an aux?”, she eyed you from the side, “well depends on what you´re gonna play”, you cocked your head, in a way that said really?, so she grinned and reached down to hand it to you, “here, let´s see what you got”. you took the challenge, scrolling through your playlists for a moment, “I think a road trip calls for some oldies, what do you want, something fun or something serious?” she thought of it, “I think fun is better, something upbeat would do you some good I think” teasing you a little, “right okay, I got it”, you put on one of your favorite songs from a 90s band, the one you always went for when you needed to feel energized and hopeful, you waited for her reaction to see if she knew the song, “you´ve never heard this one??” you said, a little incredulous, the first verse was still building up as she shook her head “no”. “damn, what were you doing in the late 90s?” she answered a little dramatically “jeez I don´t know, getting stoned, being stupid?”, you smiled, enjoying the feeling of messing with her, “well clearly, otherwise you wouldn´t have let this pass you by” , “how about you save the jokes and we just listen huh”, Tess said while pulling her sunglasses down to her nose again, so you stopped talking and turned up the volume, setting down the phone before rolling your window down all the way, the rush of air giving adding to the intense vibe of the song.

after a second you forgot about her and closed your eyes, getting into the familiar groove of the song, even better on loud car stereos, holding your arm out of the window and resting your head on your shoulder, feeling the wind between your fingers, moving your hand up and down in a wave like motion as you mouthed along to the lyrics you knew by heart. it was a moment of you fully losing all concept of time and space and it felt great, Tess tried to keep her eyes forward but she kept looking over at you, the sight was endearing to her, it looked straight out of a vintage photography book, all those shots of young people sticking their heads out of cars to feel a sense of freedom, of adventure, your lips forming the words she was hearing, the song much better than she expected, very close to the kind of stuff she´d put on. after a moment she forced herself to look away from you and the moment she realized that she had to muster up willpower to do it her whole body ran cold as she thought fuck. no, not her. she tried to recover but at her core she knew it was too late, something about you was getting to her, and it was getting worse by the second.

once the song was over you opened your eyes and sat upright in your seat again, looking at her, waiting for her to speak, she nodded in approval “yeah that was good”, “well I´ve got more where that came from” you announced while adding a few songs to a playlist, so the next hour or so you both mostly talked about music, she recognized one song you´d picked and told a story about a concert she´d been to where that exact one was also played, it made her feel good to see your eyes light up as she recalled the story, she liked being able to impress you with something and over the course of that hour you grew increasingly comfortable with each other, laughing more freely, making darker jokes, in general acting more the way you would with a friend. while a slower song was playing, you looked at her, not too obviously, and had a similar feeling to the one she´d had before; you caught yourself admiring the way her bare arms looked holding the steering wheel, her skin already slightly tan from the weeks of good weather before, the way her her hair fell down her shoulders, a few lighter strands shimmering whenever the sun hit them, you caught yourself anxiously checking how you looked in the side mirror and thought fuck. this is how I act when I am into someone. you tried to deny it for a moment but it was clear that you were starting to care what she thought of you, including your physique.

after a while she saw that you were battling fatigue and told you that you could rest if you wanted, so you did, using the sweater you had packed as a makeshift pillow squeezed between your shoulder and the window. for another hour or so she drove you two further into the country while you dozed off a few times but never really fell asleep, it was peaceful state to be in and she enjoyed the feeling of watching over you in a way, glancing over every now and then to make sure you still looked relaxed.

around 2pm you were startled out of your state of half sleep by the buzz of your phone and as you looked at with tired eyes you let out an audible “fuck no.. ughh”. Tess was amused by that reaction, “what? crazy ex or something?” you shook your head, not even cracking a smile at the joke because your heart was racing all of a sudden, “no I wish… it´s my mom.”. Tess had heard enough from Joel over the years to know that you and your mom weren´t exactly best friends, and for good reason. as his confidant she knew the whole story, that she´d left Joel for another man when you were around 4 to move to another state with him, that Joel got custody, which meant that you mostly saw her whenever you were off from school. she looked at you as you stared at the phone, deciding what to do, “you gonna answer or?”, you seemed panicked, “I don´t know”, “go on and answer, you can give me a sign if you wanna hang up and I will find a reason, okay?”, you gave her a look that said thank you as you picked up.

it wasn´t anything crazy, your mom was asking about your plans for the summer, if you´d come visit, how you were doing, but the way you were speaking was almost heartbreaking to Tess, it shocked her a little how your voice changed once you started talking to her, you sounded depressed almost, you spoke slower and with much less feeling, like you were putting up a mental barrier between yourself and her. thankfully the call only lasted a few minutes but it still left you feeling deflated as you put your phone down and sighed, Tess gave you a moment to relax before asking, “so, how are things with her?”, you shook your head, trying not to let it get to you, but the few times a month she called were always unnerving to you. “god I don´t know. it´s complicated”, Tess nodded, staring ahead, “I´m listening” something told her that it was a good idea to make you get it off your chest, so you tried to find a way to phrase it “it´s just.. when I was younger I stopped visiting her during summer when I was around 14 because she started accusing me of favoring dad, which is insane because of course I am closer to the parent I live with? so we kind of drifted apart, she never apologized or anything that went down and I was honestly fine with it just being dad and I. but then when I started college, all of a sudden she acted like nothing ever happened and tried to be all caring, asking me to come to her place more. but honestly, I don´t need all that anymore, I´m grown, I´m good without her. but I don´t know.. .” Tess took it in, “sounded to me like you really didn´t wanna take her up on that offer to visit in a few weeks”, you shook your head, “yeah I don´t wanna go, at all. but I guess I should”. Tess considered it, “I mean, you don´t have to. you can say no. after everything you went through, I think you don´t owe her shit”, that took you by surprise, it got to you, hearing someone put it that way, after being guilt tripped by your mom quite a few times over the years, “if you say so” you said, trying to internalize it, Tess nodded reassuringly as she stopped looking at the road for a moment and turned to you, “I am saying so, yes.”, a faint smile on your face then, which was relieving for her to see.

about fifteen minutes later you could feel yourself getting a little dizzy and tried to breathe through it but Tess noticed, you´d gotten suspiciously quiet “hey, you good?” she asked, resting her hand on your shoulder for a moment, which did soothe you a little, the feeling of her fingers on your skin, “yeah I just get a little car sick sometimes, but it´s fine”, “okay let´s stop at the next gas station and get something to drink, maybe move around a little to get your blood flowing again, alright?” you nodded, “okay”, a light squeeze on your arm from her before she let go of you, leaving your skin tingling where she´d made contact, you found yourself wishing you could ask her for a hug once you were out of the car and told yourself to get a grip already.

once she pulled into the parking lot of the gas station you moved to get out but she told you to wait, quickly walking around the car to open the door for you and offering a hand to help you up, an almost shy smile on your face as you let her do all that, “thanks” you said as you stood up next to her, straightening out your clothes and stretching your legs while looking around as she did too.“we really are in the middle of nowhere huh” you said as you looked at the fields around you that were only interrupted by a few small farms in the distance, “hm, looks like it” but both of you took some comfort in feeling like you were far away from your usual life, completely out of reach. “okay let´s go” she said, motioning for you to follow her. once you were inside you saw a bored looking girl around your age busy on her phone at the register and about a hundred different drinks to choose from in the fridges, as you both scanned the various labels you agreed that a classic coke was probably a good idea, so you reached in and grabbed two, “we´ll need some water too” she said as she walked away from you for a moment to get some while you briefly scanned the bars of chocolate and candy, debating whether you should get some but ultimately deciding against it.“here let me go check out, I´ll join you in a sec” she said pointing at a bench outside of the store, urging you to go get some fresh air and shake off the feeling of dizziness that was still somewhat messing with you.

you walked outside, taking in the air, a distinct smell of dry grass and dust, no noise at all except for the occasional car passing by. you sat down on the wooden bench and took some deep breaths as you felt your head getting clearer and your heartbeat becoming steadier again. once you heard the door slamming you perked up, watching Tess as she made her way over and flopped down next to you, handing you your coke, your water, and finally, dropping something in your lap that you couldn´t identify at first before picking it up: it was the exact brand of chocolate you had looked at before. apparently your eyes had lingered just long enough for her to see and as you looked down at the golden packaging you realized that she was admitting something to you in a way: the fact that she was paying close attention; someone else might have just written it off as a friendly gesture, but to you it seemed a little deeper than that, perhaps because you wanted it to be. you smiled at her sheepishly as she took a big sip of her coke, “thank you” you said, your tone all sweet, but she waved it off, not wanting any praise for it,“drink” she instructed, “and not just a sip, at least half that bottle, we need you fit again”, you nodded, taking the order, gulping down a good amount of the ice cold beverage, which did make you feel more energized immediately. for a second you both just sat there soaking up the sun, you weren´t facing her but your attention still went in her direction, the way she was sitting, relaxed and not afraid to take up space, the space between her jeans and shirt revealing a hint of her skin that made your cheeks feel hot, so you tried hard to look at other things, the perfect empty sky, the red truck that was passing by, the field across the road, anything but her, you knew by then how attentive she was, how little it would take to give yourself away.

after a while she leaned forward as she pointed into the distance, “look, those are horses I think, right?”, you squinted your eyes, “oh yeah that´s cool, it´s been ages since I´ve seen one. or ridden one for that matter. I kinda miss it sometimes.”. she turned her head and eyed you, saving the suggestive riding jokes she could´ve come up with in that moment, “you really are a Texas girl huh?” you smiled at her, “well, in that regard I guess. but other than that not so much..” she raised her eyebrows, “no?”, you shook your head, uncrossing your legs to sit more comfortably, blissfully unaware of her trying not to stare at your thighs, “no. I mean, do I strike you as the southern belle type?...” she looked you up and down, “hm, no guess not.” a grin from her then as she thought about how you definitely weren´t what she had expected. you were charming her without even trying hard and it was beyond whatever she had envisioned before, having fun was not what Tess had allowed herself to hope for when she agreed to take you with her, but there she was, a few hours into knowing you, already completely won over, the initial skepsis nowhere to be found.

for a second she completely forgot who your father was and felt the way she used to feel when she was hanging out with a girl she had a thing for, that slight buzz of adrenaline that tinged every interaction, the warmth in her chest, something passed between you for a moment, a silence that was a little too long and comfortable for it to mean nothing. you both could have stayed for longer but you still had a good few hours of driving ahead of you, so Tess clapped her hands together “alright, let´s go. you feel better right?”, you nodded emphatically as you stood up in unison with her, “yeah much better!”. she led the way and smiled to herself as she got back into the car, pretty certain at that point that you shared her feeling of this is much nicer than I expected.

once you were back on the road the energy shifted yet again, it was like there was an invisible barrier between you both that was breaking down by the minute, in some ways you were still feeling each other out, but in others you already felt like old friends, something was in the air, a sense of familiarity, even though neither of you had revealed anything too personal yet, there was an unspoken connection, the kind of thing that´s hard to put into words, a sense of I have a good guess who this person is deep down because I am similar.

as you were getting further South you came across some of the insane Christian billboards that were very familiar to you, huge banners you could read from far away that said things about the rapture and repenting, one particular one you saw that afternoon made you laugh, so Tess asked “what is it?”, you read it out loud for her “Heaven or Hell, which one will it be?”, a cheap graphic design of fire and clouds making it campy almost, Tess smiled, “wow, right to the point huh?”, you leaned over then, looking up at her with a challenging grin. “so, what will it be for you?”, she briefly glanced over at you, wondering if you were actually asking her or just fucking around, “well I highly doubt any god would let me into heaven so. I´ll burn I guess” a dry way of delivering it, no laugh to accompany it, which intrigued you then, “oh yeah? what makes you say that?”, she could tell you were daring her to tell you something juicy but she just shook her head, staring forward, “you really think I´ll just confess my sins to my friend´s daughter?”, you leaned back into your seat then, crossing your arms, sulking a little “oh come on, I am more than that. I can keep a secret you know” she nodded, not unaware of the slightly lascivious tone you used for that last part of your statement, “I bet you can. maybe ask me again after I´ve had a drink or two”, that sounded better to you, “alright, I will”.

she took her right hand off the steering wheel and turned to face you for a moment, reaching for the golden cross necklace that was dangling a few inches above your chest, taking the pendant between her fingers, the sudden unexpected intimacy of it making your face flush, “you´ll have an easier time getting in I suppose”, you had to recover for a second after she let go and drove with both hands again, “this is just for aesthetic purposes. I don´t think I am a good candidate for heaven either”, she didn´t buy it, “really? what have you done in your young years that is so unforgivable?”, you shrugged, imitating her previous answer, “you think I´ll just confess my sins to my father´s friend?”. touché she thought, “right, I´ll just have to use my imagination then”, her voice low enough as she said it to worsen the heat you´d already felt because of her, so you pulled down the window further and tried to cool down while she kept thinking about what you´d said, because for some reason she could tell that you weren´t bluffing, that there was a potential for danger in you. a sense of guilt washed over her as she thought of you like that, like a temptress of some sort, you weren´t doing anything wrong, it was her own issue that she couldn´t get her mind out of the gutter, she knew this, but it was hard, for so long Tess had spent her days in a dull haze of boredom and apathy, so any hint of euphoria and excitement pulled her closer like a moth to flame, and as much as she told herself that she´d get burned if she wasn´t careful, she couldn´t deny that part of her wanted the pain, the ache of doing something wrong. for a second, as she kept driving, the sign, your necklace, the imagery of transgression and possible punishment for it felt like an ominous warning from some higher power, like something was telling her you´re going into dangerous territory, you´re losing sight of what´s right. you´re gonna reach a point of no return if you go down this road.

thankfully there was enough scenery around to distract herself with, so for a while you both just watched the endless stretch of land that reached til the horizon until you agreed to find a place to stop and eat a proper meal, since it was already afternoon and you´d hardly eaten more than a few snacks here and there. you were in no place to be picky so you settled on a diner that had fairly enthusiastic reviews online and to your surprise the spot where it was located was beautiful, a few stores in the middle of nowhere surrounded by lush greenery, a white church and a few houses in the distance down the road. during the meal neither of you talked much because you were truly starved, sitting there across from each other in a cherry-colored booth, switching between devouring your food and downing multiple glasses of sweet tea, since the place was relying only on a small rusty fan to get some fresh air flowing. there was something deeply carnal about that moment, your tired and slightly overheated bodies getting a sudden rush of endorphins from the generously iced drinks and salty comfort food, the thick heavy air of the day hanging around you, you were both completely reduced to your senses and the moment almost had a dreamlike quality, something out of a film.

neither of you were particularly bothered about eating in a clean manner, so you caught glimpses of the other person wiping their mouth against the back of their bare arm and it was a sight you couldn´t help but enjoy, seeing each other uninhibited in a way, watching someone indulging in a meal like that was not entirely devoid of eroticism: your lips glistening from the oil, your tongues licking up the juice that was left on them, deep breaths after particularly large bites. after you were done you both just sat there for a moment, before grinning at each other “god I needed that…” you said, running your hands through your hair while exhaling,“yeah I could tell”, she teased, you shoved her arm then “um excuse me, you also didn´t hold back there, miss”, she suppressed a grin and leaned back, closing her eyes for a moment, soaking up the last few moments of doing nothing before continuing the drive.

she told you that you could go wait outside if you wanted, after she got you to quit offering to pay and pushed you towards the door as she went to get the bill, so you stepped outside and took a look around, your attention immediately caught by a patch of wildflowers nearby. once you knelt down to run your fingers through the grass, admiring them from up close, you felt compelled to pick a few, so you were too lost in thought to realize when Tess came outside and approached you. she stood behind you and watched for a moment, endeared by the sight of you carefully choosing certain kinds of flowers, eventually speaking up “well isn´t that just sweet”, a clear hint of irony in there, a smugness to her expression as you turned your neck to look up at her. “oh fuck off, you don´t like flowers?”, she was standing with her hands in her back pockets, almost cocky the way she was eyeing you, “sure I do, but maybe not enough to do all that”, you turned back around then to finish the little bouquet you´d started, “or maybe you just know that your knees would give in if you tried to crouch down like this for more than a minute”, you felt a light shove to your back then, her shoe giving you a push forward that almost made you lose balance, “no I think my knees work just fine”, she said as you shook your head but secretly enjoyed it. “might wanna add some yellow to that” she said as she got down next to you and ripped a few honey colored flowers and placed them in your open palm “can´t just be blue and purple”, you smiled at her then, both of you still kneeling, “didn´t think you´d be the one to have an opinion on color palettes” you remarked as she got up again, brushing some dirt off her pants,“well, there´s a lot you don´t know about me”, you got up too then, tying the flowers together with a few pieces of grass. “I know. it´s not easy getting information out of you”, you said as you both walked to the car again, a carefree nature to the way you were skipping down the street behind her, revived from the meal, she considered it “you´ve got a point, I´m not a very open person I guess”, you smiled, “well, we still have a day, we can work on that” she laughed, “so you´re trying to fix me now?”, you looked at her from across the car as you both stood in front of your sides of it, waiting a second before getting in,“no, just trying to figure you out”, an earnestness to that statement that made Tess feel uneasy, knowing that she was on thin ice, that you could catch a glimpse of something if you looked closely enough, but again, there was also the need to let you see it, to be reckless.

you decided to aim for two more hours of driving, which would mean that you´d reach the motel around 8, leaving you about 6 more hours to get through the next day. the sun had become less blinding by then, the light more golden, the shadows longer and it made everything around you look even more picturesque, you´d forgotten just how much you environment impacted you, after months of never leaving the city you could feel your body waking up again, desperately trying to soak up all the details, all the ways you were confronted with beauty you weren´t used to.

you tried to come up with ways to pass the remaining time, eventually settling on trying to read Tess´s birth chart for her after having to convince her for 15 minutes to give you her birth time because she was skeptical about what the website might say about her, so then you just sat there picking and choosing which parts of the analysis to tell her, mostly reading the flattering parts out loud, adjectives like “determined, strong willed, pragmatic”, purposely skipping over the part that called a particular placement indicative of her being a “passionate lover, sometimes to a fault, not afraid of breaking taboos”, but taking note of it, smiling to yourself. you could tell that she was just pretending to find it silly, her expression gave away that it was nice to have you entertaining her with something lighthearted, it was comforting to her, your voice, your attempts to get her to laugh, which worked most of the time. a few times she looked over at you, the way your face was glowing in the orange light, and got hit by such a violent wave of affection that she kept the amount of times she did it limited.

just as planned you, pulled into the parking lot of the motel around 8pm, both of you a little worn out and groggy, looking forward to the comfort of a bed. the first thing that you noticed was that the whole thing was painted a bright turquoise, it had faded a little over the years, an old timey charm to it, your best guess was that it had been built sometime in the 70s; there was a relatively large swimming pool in the middle of the court, a few plastic chairs outside of the floor level rooms, some guests sitting there smoking, a neon sign glowing in the setting sun, all of it more inviting than you´d expected, nothing fancy but a place that seemed ideal for one night.

on the way inside both you and Tess pointed out certain details about the place to each other and complained about your sore muscles, groaning from the weight of your bags until you reached the reception, putting them down on the floor for a second as a young worker with a bright toothpaste-ad-smile greeted you so enthusiastically that you both needed a moment to gather your thoughts. Tess leaned on the counter as he looked at the computer to see which rooms were available, apparently you´d lucked out and came at a time where at least five were vacant, he turned to look at you again, and asked “so, is a room with two singles fine?”, which confused both of you for a second as you thought why the fuck wouldn´t that be fine? that´s exactly what we´re looking for?.

but then it dawned on you: you absolutely did not look like mother and daughter. he was trying to signal to you that he wouldn´t mind if you wanted a room with a double bed instead, he was saying that he wouldn´t be shocked by you two being a couple. as you realized this you turned your head away for a moment, stifling a laugh, while Tess was gripped by a white hot panic and quickly told him “yes that´s perfect! thank you!”, in an uncharacteristically high pitched tone. it was hilarious to you but not to her, you watched her face as he slid the keys to your room over the reception counter and wished you a good night, telling you to come back if anything wasn´t to your liking, Tess just walked away without answering, so you gave him a very polite “thank you so much!”. you could hear Tess muttering “Jesus Christ.” under her breath as she led the way down the hallway, clearly still unsettled by the previous exchange , which contrasted your own reaction, the delicious thrill you got out of it, that a stranger didn´t think it impossible for you to belong together.

once Tess opened the door you both tentatively walked in, gauging the state of the room but there was nothing to complain about; the beds were both big enough to fit two, the sheets had quilted throw blankets over them with a rustic flower print, the walls were all wood paneled, the floor carpeted the same way it had been in the lobby, an old tv and an armchair pushed against the wall facing the beds, to others it might have looked like a room where people went to get killed in slasher flicks but you both liked the feeling of back transported back in time, the dusty smell, the muted color palette, it was more soothing to you than a brand new, sterile room.

“which one?” Tess asked, pointing at the beds, giving you a choice, so you picked the one next to the bathroom door, flinging yourself down onto it face first in a dramatic fashion, arms spread out, legs dangling over the edge, she smiled, setting down her stuff next to her bed, near the door that opened to a little terrace near the pool, since you were located on the ground floor. she pushed it open a little to let some fresh air in and got some clothes out of her bag, “I need a shower” she announced, “yeah me too. but you go first” you said, still laying there, the exhaustion of the day catching up with you.

as you heard the water of the shower turning on you tried your best not to imagine how she´d undressed, how she would look getting into the shower, how her eyes would close once the hot stream hit her face, you tried not to imagine how her back would look with water drops run down her spine, you tried not to imagine her whole body flushing from the heat, you tried but failed, so instead of just laying there you found ways to occupy your mind with other things: unpacking, taking your shoes off, taking a look outside the window, stepping onto the terrace for a moment, still, the sound of the shower kept forcing images into your mind that made you feel defenseless and exposed in your longing.

after about ten minutes Tess stepped out of the bathroom and found you sitting on your bed, scrolling on your phone, until you looked up and had to mask your feeling of awe, she looked even more attractive to you then than before; her hair had gotten a little damp and fell down her face in beautiful waves, her face looked youthful and glowy, she´d gotten dressed in shorts that were cut off right above the knee and a white tank top, since the heat had gotten more intense and humid the further south you´d traveled that day, and to make things worse the scent of her shower gel was streaming in through the bathroom door and it was an intoxicating mix of something creamy and musky, you breathed in deeply, feeling a tingling sensation all over your skin.

she caught something in your look even though you were subtle, but she let it go, interrupting your thoughts “so, what should we do once you´re done freshening up?” you considered it, putting your phone down as she also went to go sit on her bed, “we should get a drink” you decided, “I mean, there´s that bar right across the street and I doubt there´s much else to do around here”, she looked at you then, “I don´t know if your dad would love the idea of me buying you drinks”, you wanted her to forget about him, about the sense of responsibility that she felt weighing on her, so you were insistent, “well he isn´t here, is he?...” a distinct sense of urgency to the way you said it, she could tell you weren´t happy about her bringing him up, and she could take a wild guess as to why. Tess couldn´t really argue with your logic and besides she liked the idea of unwinding like that after driving all day so she nodded, “alright. one drink”, “two” you responded, a grin, she laughed then “so, we´re negotiating now, are we?”.

the shower woke you up and revived your spirits, you stepped out feeling ready to move around and talk again and as you walked back into the room Tess had thoughts that weren't dissimilar to the ones you´d had about her before, but she was better at hiding it, a brief look was all she allowed herself before she turned her attention back to collecting the keys and her wallet before waving you out of the door before her, forcing her gaze to remain cast to the floor until you weren´t in close proximity anymore, she knew looking at your neck from up close would have been a bad idea.

the sky had turned a muted light blue, sunset was approaching, and you could both feel the eyes of a few other guests who were hanging around by the pool following you as you made your way towards the street, you could tell that it wasn´t judgment but something like intrigue, both you and Tess realized that you made a rather striking duo, which gave you a boost of confidence, or maybe even cockiness, as you left the motel behind and approached your destination. the bar had a distinctly timeless look, it was the archetype of an american bar, a flag waving in the wind, about four different neon signs buzzing in the windows, the image of a blonde woman in leather gear on a bike spray painted onto one of the walls, lettering beneath that read “ride or die”, a few trucks and bikes parked nearby, a few metal trash cans and a bench near the back exit. “ever been to a place like this?” Tess asked as she held the door open for you, “no never” you said, “well, i´ve seen much worse, i think this should be fine” she mused as she followed you in.

the room was spacious, there were about ten booths in a row alongside the wall to your right, a bar and a line of chairs all the way down the counter in your direct line of sight, a few pool tables and something that looked like a jukebox further back, a few different sources of light including multiple red lamps that gave the room a slightly sleazy feel. “what are you drinking?” you asked as you both approached the bar where two couples were talking to the bartender who all seemed to know each other, “hm, I doubt we´ll have much of a menu to pick from” you nodded, “right. how about you order for us, I´ll have what you´re having i am not picky”, you didn´t feel like awkwardly standing there next to her while waiting to be served so you went to choose a table, settling on a booth towards the back of the room, and from where you were sitting you could see Tess talking to the bartender, he was around her age and very obviously took a liking to her, he laughed a lot while she was talking, almost an obnoxious amount, keeping his eyes on her as he poured the drinks, seemingly starved for some pleasant chatting, and you couldn´t really blame him for being easily charmed by her because you were in the same place.

after a few minutes she set two glasses down on the table and sat down opposite you, “okay, he was going on and on about how he makes the best old fashioned around, something about a special ingredient, so here you go”. you took one of the glasses and had a sip, nodding as you set it down again “not bad, but then again I am fairly easy to impress after the shit I´ve had to drink in college”, she smiled before drinking a good amount, “he liked you” you said while searching her face for a reaction, keeping your eyes on hers, but she didn´t seem to care much “well..good for him”, something about the way you´d said it made her suspect that you didn´t love the idea of other people hitting on her, which was an endearing thought, you getting a little possessive even though you hadn´t even spent a full day together.

you both enjoyed the sensation of the cool glasses in your hands, soaking up the atmosphere, a vaguely familiar song playing over the speakers, the faint smell of cigarettes and old leather seats that wasn´t entirely unpleasant, you could both imagine people who lived nearby spending their nights there after a hard day at work, letting go of whatever was going on outside, because it kind of applied to you too. as you traced the rim of the glass with your index finger, spaced out, you could feel all the stress from the months before trying to leave your body at once, a deep exhale as you realized how far away from everything you were all of a sudden. Tess was leaning her head on her hand, watching you intently, a smile forming as she could basically see the thoughts swirling around in your head, “wanna tell me what you´re thinking, or no?”, she was being gentle with it, trying to coax you out of your shell instead of demanding answers, you came back to the present moment then and met her eyes, debating whether or not to tell her, but it felt good to be offered a space to express your deeper feelings, so you took another sip before asking, “can I be honest for a second?”, she nodded, “you can also do it for more than a second”, putting her arms on the table then, sitting upright, signaling that you had her full attention. “alright, well. I usually don´t really like to talk about this stuff with people because they either panic or give me pity, but I have a sense you won´t, so if I am being real with you, the past few months weren´t great. the whole second semester honestly, it all felt.. empty in a way? if that´s the right word. I did my work and went to class and whatever but other than that I didn´t do much at all, just didn´t feel like it. last year a friend of mine who was a grade above me graduated and since then I´ve kind of just been.. floating I guess. nothing really excites me, and it sounds ungrateful maybe, but I wish there was more to my life. there is this constant feeling of “is this all?”. I don´t know if that makes sense but yeah.. I am kind of glad I´m on a break now, it was about time. today was honestly the first good day I´ve had in a while…”.

Tess was´t exactly shocked, it wasn´t anything too out of the ordinary, but still, she did feel affected by the idea of you struggling with your frustrations on your own, she could see the way you were holding yourself as you spoke about it, your shoulders hunched, your eyes less bright than before, your hands nervously fidgeting with the orange peel in your drink. she leaned back as she spoke, partly to fight off the urge to reach out and touch you, your hand, your cheek, “no I get that, that feeling of wishing things were more exciting. you know, this might be a good moment to mention that I was a student advisor for a while in my early 30s”, that caught you off guard, “really??” a hint of a smile on your face as you processed the information, the image of her talking to people your age about their issues flashing in your mind. she nodded, “hmm, by far not the worst job I had”, you leaned forward then, your hands folded, your head resting on them, “well, advise me then” you said, a slightly flirtatious undertone that didn´t escape her.

she thought for a second, “you know, I think what you said applies to about every other person your age. this might not be the encouragement you´re looking for but I think your 20s are kind of meant to be a shit show. mine sure as hell were, and I would honestly be more disturbed if you told me that everything´s perfect. I mean within reason of course, there are things that require intervention, but I doubt you´re the type to actually fall off, you´ll be fine trust me. you´re not the kind of person I´d have been worried about back then”, it worked. her honesty and lack of sentimentality about the whole thing made you feel much better than any bullshit “just change your mindset, just think positively! practice gratitude!” response ever could have. she was refreshingly calm, there was an ease about her that was comforting to be around, that was helping you relax, usually you felt like you had to shoulder everything on your own but around her it felt natural, to let yourself be more vulnerable for once.

“you´re good at this” you said, grinning as you felt your worries fading, the enthusiasm about being with her taking over again, and it pleased her, seeing her effect, she downed the rest of her drink and smiled after putting the glass down “I try”, a moment of silence before she added “but you´re okay right now, yeah?” making sure, and you wanted her to know that you were genuinely enjoying your time with her, so you quickly said “oh yeah, as I said today was really nice. I guess this would be a good time to say thank you, for doing all of this” Tess was still horrible at accepting praise “oh no need to thank me, you´re good company, the time flew by” the first explicit acknowledgement of her affection towards you, which made your face glow a little then.

“I can listen too by the way, anything you wanna get off your chest?”, you offered, watching her getting more comfortable, crossing one leg over the other, “I mean, not really, but ask away if there´s anything you´re dying to know” she answered, challenging you in a way, the ball was in your court, and for a moment you considered asking something innocuous, but you thought why not just take the chance and ask what I actually want to know, so you tried to sound as casual as possible as you asked “is there someone waiting for you back home?”. she didn´t expect you to get right to the point but she respected it in a way, that you weren´t wasting time with boring questions, “do you think I´d be using my vacation days to go visit your father if there was someone in my life?” you shrugged, “I don´t know”, she shook her head, “no, I mean bless him but my friendship has its limits” you smiled, the relief of her not being taken a little too visible in your expression, “okay. so what do you do in your free time then, if nobody´s around to keep you busy”.

“hm. I don´t know, there´s not much to boast of, I am honestly pretty boring. middle age will do that to you”, you laughed then, “oh come on, I don´t believe that! I think you just don´t wanna tell me anything. but then again, makes sense that you don´t have much personal drama going on, I doubt anyone would try to mess with you”, she squinted her eyes at you, “what´s that supposed to mean?”, “well, you give off a very strong don´t fuck with me vibe”, she laughed too then, “okay I´ll try to take that as a compliment”, “it was meant as one. I mean I benefited from it the whole day, didn´t worry once about some freak coming up to me because i knew you´d take care of it”, that did make her feel satisfied then, to know that you felt safe in her shadow, “good. but I guess it does also scare people off sometimes” you could read in her expression that she might sometimes wish that she was softer, more inviting, “not the right ones” you responded a little too quickly, weight to the words, a seriousness. she looked at you and something passed between you, about ten seconds of you just wordlessly sitting there, thinking similar things, unwilling to say any of them, but you didn´t have to, over the day you´d both gotten good at filling in the other´s silences, reading certain looks. the mix of it being rather late, both feeling a slight buzz from the drink, the dim warm light, the feeling of almost having broken down the barrier between you all the way, the intimacy of sitting there like that, it could have led to something then, if you hadn´t caught yourself staring at her way too softly and forced yourself to look somewhere else before it was too late, Tess clearing her throat and adjusting her hair to distract herself from what had just happened between you.

your gaze landed on the pool tables behind you, “do you know how to play?” you asked, changing the subject, “sure, I mean it´s been ages but I believe the muscle memory´s still there”.

“I´ve never played it”, she was a little stunned then “never?? damn what are young people doing these days”, you shrugged, “guess we are too busy vaping and being on our phones”, a dramatic delivery, she didn´t give you a laugh but a look that said okay, very funny. “I mean, you could try right now”, you were almost a little shy then, she could tell and it was amusing to her, “oh come on, it´s just a stick and some balls, I think you can manage'', so you agreed “okay sure, why not. you´ll look fucking perfect next to me, so good for you I guess”, she shook her head as you both abandoned your seats and walked over, “ever heard of having fun? this isn´t gonna be an exam sweetheart”, the pet name hanging in the air and forcing a bit of color to your cheeks as you went over to one of the empty tables with her, running your hands along the old wood, the green surface, taking a good look at it as Tess excused herself for a moment, going over to the bar and promptly returning with two shot glasses in her hand, a grin on her face as she handed it to you, a carefree youthfulness to her demeanor all of a sudden, “here, drink this, loosen up a little” so you did, washing down whatever it was that she´d ordered, the burn of it making you cough for a second “jesus”. “so” she said, handing you the poll, “show me how you think you should hold it, let´s see what we´re working with here”, you tried to conjure up the images of people you´d seen playing and tried your best to mimic the pose, leaning forward.

even though you weren´t looking directly at her, you could tell she was stifling a laugh, so you shot her a glare, “oh that´s very encouraging, I told you I´ve never done this”, she stepped closer then, visibly amused by your defensiveness, “well you could have been a natural but.. guess not”.

you were standing again by that point, “are you just gonna laugh at me or give me some actual tips?”, “right, okay, so that angle won´t work, it has to be lower and your hand has to be..” she knew that verbal instructions weren´t great, but she was trying her best to avoid the inevitable: going up and touching you to adjust your technique, since she knew how horrible of an idea it was to get that close to you, how hard it would be for her to keep the very small amount of restraint she had left in her intact, when sitting across from you had already made her feel insane. looking at you standing there, your skin glowing slightly pink from the light behind you, she knew that going over and getting in your personal space was about the last thing she should do, “the angle? what the fuck do you mean” you said, clearly confused, waiting for her to be more helpful, so after another moment of hesitation she thought fuck it. I´ll just do it quickly, I won´t linger.

“do what you just did” she instructed as she approached you, so you did, still unaware of how close she´d get, you thought she´d just stand there and tell you what to change but then you could feel her presence right behind you and before you knew it she was pressed against you. the moment she touched you, any coherent thought left your mind and you were left trying to process all the physical sensations: her long hair falling down your shoulder, her face near yours, her deep voice mere inches from your ear, the front of her calves brushing against the backside of yours, and worst of all: her hand, her fingers adjusting yours, gently moving them into the correct position. suddenly, the whole room was a void to you, nothing around you registered anymore, your entire being was completely wrapped up in her impact and all of it made it nearly impossible to process what was being said.

“like this, okay?” she said as she could feel the shift in your physique, the way you seemed frozen under her, seemingly afraid but she knew it wasn´t fear, so despite what she told herself, she drew it out, staying like that for a moment too long, breathing in your scent, feeling your arm against hers, the warmth that your bodies were exchanging. for a moment she couldn´t help but savor the feeling of having that effect on you, against her better judgment she let herself feel the thrill of leaning over you like that until she came back to her senses and realized what she was doing, how her mind had made the jump to other situations where she´d be behind you like that, so to your disappointment she eventually let go. “okay, other than that I think it should be fairly easy”, and it was, for a while you both took turns, immediately making fun of the other one if they had a bad shot, silently mouthing along to the lyrics of the songs that were playing over the speakers that you recognized, a slightly awkward silence when it was a particularly romantic one.

it was a nice and back and forth because both of you could feel the other´s charged gaze whenever it was your turn, you might or might not have done certain things on purpose, like bending your neck a certain way, biting your lip, pulling your shirt down so she would have a better view of your chest, if she dared to look, which to her own frustration she did, again and again, but you weren´t any better at self control, each time it was her turn you tried your best not to gawk her at her but she looked beautiful, her arms being the focus of the game was not ideal for keeping your pull towards her at bay.

just as you were getting done with your last shot of the game, a young waitress came by to set down a drink in front of you, before you could finish the sentence “um sorry, I didn´t-”. she pointed down the room “it´s from the table over there”. you looked to where she´d directed your gaze and saw a group of three guys that seemed to be in their late 20s smiling at you a little too enthusiastically. “oh god no..” you uttered as you realized that they´d bought you the drink. they weren´t being too creepy about it but you hated the idea of having been observed without your knowledge, and you really didn´t want anyone to interrupt what you and Tess had going on, so you asked her “oh god, do you think they were watching us the entire time?” as you gave them a mild smile and looked away again, moving closer to her instinctively, “well if anything they were watching you”, she said, a mix of protectiveness and pride bubbling up in her, the former because she could tell you didn´t enjoy the attention you were getting, the latter because she thought tough luck guys, she´s more into me, which shocked her for a second, her sudden feeling of she´s mine, the way it went against everything she´d told herself about remaining detached.

you got an idea then, “let´s leave” you said, as you reached for the drink that did look pretty good. without thinking twice you started guloing it down and when Tess realized you were trying to drink the whole thing at once she nudged you in the side “hey easy there”, but you were already finished by then, setting down the glass and exhaling in a slightly pained manner, she shook her head in disbelief, “are you trying to make yourself sick??” but you just smiled at her, a flicker of mischief in your eyes, and pulled her arm to make her follow you out, “I don´t feel like being watched any longer but didn´t wanna waste it, come”, so she let you drag her out, a smile on her face as she felt your fingers wrapped around her wrist.

by that time it had gotten dark and breeze that hit you as you stepped outside made you both sigh simultaneously, the parking lot was empty, it was just you and the intense atmosphere of a night out in the country and as you started walking you could feel the buzz of the drink you´d just downed getting to your head, so without asking first you steadied yourself against her, linking arms, feeling her slowing down her walk so you wouldn´t trip. after a while you realized just how comfortable you´d gotten with her, that you were acting the way you´d act with a close friend or a date, so once you´d crossed the street together you stepped away a little self consciously, but she didn´t mind, in fact, she almost reached for you to pull you back because she really enjoyed being held onto like that, but for what felt like the hundredth time that day she kept her hands to herself, clearly worn down from the constant effort of keeping suppressing her instincts, less and less willing to keep doing it. part of her was ready to just do what was wrong already. part of her was only waiting for it, the disaster, the point of no return.

as you saw the pool that had been lit up by then, the delicious icey color that made the water look inviting, you got an idea, “let´s cool down for a second, come on!” you urged her, “you wanna get in with your clothes on?...” she asked, wondering if she was understanding you right, but that wasn´t the plan, you weren´t in the mood to shower again, “no let´s just put our legs in for a moment”, your voice giving away that you were slightly tipsy as you walked over to the edge of the pool and sat down, submerging your legs in the water until it reached up to right under your knee, the smell of chlorine weirdly nostalgic, transporting you back to carefree summer days as a kid.

“yeah this is nice, come” you said, waving her over impatiently as she still stood a few feet away, watching you, but eventually she gave in and got down next to you, consciously leaving a space about the width of a hand between your thighs.

the air was finally bearable, still warm but not too humid, it was an idyllic moment, a deep silence you never could have experienced in the city, nobody around, the feeling of the gentle waves against your shins, it lent itself to introspection so for a moment you both just watched your legs as you moved them around a bit, accidentally touching underwater a few times but acting like nothing had happened. eventually you broke the silence, “kind of a shame that we´re gonna be home tomorrow already. I´m having fun”, of course Tess felt the same way but she wasn´t just gonna say that, not too fast, so after waiting for an answer that wouldn´t come you joked.“you know, now would be a good moment to tell me that you feel the same way”, which made her laugh, “I do, of course. this has been nice”, you turned to her then, “well that didn´t sound very enthusiastic, you can do better”, she smiled and turned to face you, “what do you want me to say, hm?” , you leaned closer then, a dramatic tone as you said “oh I don´t know, maybe that you´re obsessed with me, that you´re having the time of your life, that you wanna spend weeks and weeks with me, that I am the best traveling partner you´ve ever had”.

she couldn´t believe how bold you were being, fixing you with a questioning look, “okay you´re drunk, aren´t you?”, you shook your head, protesting, “no”, “okay got it, you want me to blow up your ego a little, huh?”, she tried her best to divert attention from the fact that your exaggerated remarks weren´t too far off from what she actually felt about you. you shrugged, “sure yeah”, clearly wanting something else from her, she shook her head, “you´re not what I expected at all”, “right, let me guess, my dad advertised me as his perfect little angel baby” she grinned then, realizing that you knew exactly how he talked in your absence, “sort of yeah”, “do you wish I was more like that?”, you asked, she cocked her head then, giving a look that said, of course not, “no. would´ve been pretty lame”, you were pleased by that answer and leaned back, your back against the stone floor with your legs still dangling in the water, “oh damn” you said, as you saw the dazzling night sky, the lack of light pollution making it a thousand times more visible than you were used to, “look!” you told her, pointing up, so she tiled her head, “oh wow, that´s fucking beautiful.”, Tess couldn´t remember the last time she´d bothered to look up at the night sky and it struck her then that the whole day you´d succeeded in making her wake up to the world around her again, Tess wasn´t used to sudden rushes of excitement and joy anymore, she´d given up on that a long time ago, but there you were, again, waking parts of her up that had been dormant for a while, a genuine warm smile on her face that others in her life very rarely got to see.

laying down you closed your eyes, stretching your arms out and feeling your chest rising and falling as you took slow deep breaths. Tess remained sitting upright, for a second she also closed her eyes, but then she glanced down at you, your peaceful expression, and thought if she was my girlfriend I´d lean down and kiss her right now, just to see her reaction, she could visualize it perfectly, an initial moment of surprise followed by you smiling against her lips, she knew she couldn´t do it, but she thought of another way to get your attention back, so after about a minute of drifting off into a state of deep relaxation you were startled out of it by the sudden feeling of water hitting your face, cold drops splattered all over your cheeks and forehead.

you opened your eyes and shot up while muttering “what the fuck??”, and the moment you laid eyes on Tess, her smug grin, you realized what had happened, “just making sure you´re not falling asleep there” she said, eyeing you, clearly amused by your reaction, so you got the sudden urge to do something to her too, thinking I´ll push her in, but she was too fast, she saw the thought forming, so the moment you lunged forward and tried to force her into the pool she grabbed your shoulders to push you back, which left you two in a struggle for power, one that she was clearly winning, her grip way too strong. you tried to muster up some force but you were clearly weaker than her, and something about it was thrilling, the proof of her strength, and it registered, she could tell that you took some sort of pleasure out of being handled like that, so neither of you let go, your faces barely a few inches apart as your fingers dug into the other person´s skin, you kept staring at each other and all of a sudden something like fear flickered through both of your eyes, because you felt it like electric currents, the rising tension between your bodies, the heat; she caught you looking back and forth between her lips and eyes, you saw her leaning forward a little and eventually you could feel each other´s breath as your touch slowly turned form forceful to gentle, your muscles not flexed anymore but you hands still where you´d grabbed each other. you almost pushed yourself to close the remaining distance then, you were so close, but then a door slammed shut nearby and abruptly shocked you both into letting go of each other, coughing nervously, adjusting your clothes, listening to the footsteps of the person who had just walked out until they were gone.

Tess was the first to get up, mumbling something along the lines of “yeah uh, it´s late let´s go inside”, while you kept sitting there for a beat longer, cursing the person who had walked out because you knew you wouldn´t just get a chance like that again, you could tell she was spooked, so if anything were to happen, you´d have to initiate it, you knew this and it frustrated you. once you walked inside the room you saw her rooting around in her back, neither of you knew how to continue after all that, so she took the easy way out, announcing “I´ll go get ready, brush my teeth get changed all that”, you just nodded, a quiet “okay” as she left you standing there.

the moment that Tess shut the door behind herself she leaned back against it and put her hands over her face, breathing out like she´d just run a marathon, her heart still beating out of her chest, she was near paranoia at that point, wondering whether the timing of you being interrupted right at that moment was some final warning from a higher power, giving her one last chance to stop, to control herself.

she knew she should have been grateful to get that chance, but she wasn´t, deep down she wished that things would have played out the way she wanted them to, the feeling of your breath against her lips was still burning on her skin and it was not going to stop until she´d feel it again, until she´d get to give you what you so clearly wanted from her. in an attempt to calm down she stepped towards the sink and splashed cold water on her face before changing into a loose tshirt and shorts with fabric thin enough to be bearable during summer nights. once she had nothing else to do in there she was dreading going back into the room because she had no idea what you´d do, what she´d do. it felt like she was walking into a trap: you and her in one room for the entire night.

while she was going through all that you were trying to busy yourself, turning on the bedside lamps, shutting the curtains, eventually just sitting down and pretending to be busy on your phone until she walked back in again. you knew that was your cue to do what she´d just done so you said “yeah I´ll get ready too”, leaving her some space. you were quicker than her in there and less panicked, if anything you were frustrated because you were still so worked up from the image of her almost leaning in to kiss you, the thrill of that anticipation, and it made you feel determined then, staring at yourself in the mirror as you thought to yourself you´re gonna have to do it because she won´t. go back out there and finish what you started. she wants you to. so after a while you mustered up a good amount of confidence before walking back out again.

what Tess did not realize was that she´d made a grave mistake by turning on the TV because with that she had given you the perfect excuse to sit down next to her, since her bed was the one directly facing it. if she´d just sat there reading a book or laying down, you would have had a much harder time finding a casual way to get close to her again, but the moment you saw that opening, you used it, walking over to her side of the room without even asking her if you could join her and sitting down on the right side of the bed, your back against the big pillow, your legs stretched out. she didn´t acknowledge it, she didn´t look at you or say anything, there was a clear effort on her part of acting chill but you could practically hear her blood rushing. sitting there, gauging the situation, you knew you´d have to be shameless because she wasn´t moving an inch, you´d have to break her, hit her weak spots, so in a first attempt to do that you moved your leg so it would touch hers, your knees making contact, she didn´t pull away but she also didn´t react, so you waited, your breath starting to get more shallow as you felt her skin against yours. Tess was frozen up because her mind was saying push her away, tell her to leave, make her go to her own bed but her instincts told her differently, so you went further, laying your hand on her leg, which sent a shock through her whole body and made her shake her head, finally speaking, her voice barely above a whisper, “we can´t…”, almost pleading with you then, which made you turn to her, waiting for her to look at you but she wouldn´t, so you stopped being subtle.

after a moment of mustering up all of your courage, you got up and moved on top of her in one swift motion, your legs on either side of hers then, straddling her, trapping her, Tess´s hands were gripping the sheets to keep herself from touching you as you got comfortable and put your hands on her shoulder, staring at her with a fire in your eyes while she shut hers from the overwhelming sensation. “we really shouldn´t be doing this..” she said but you shut her up by leaning close to her neck, breathing against her skin, “I won´t tell a soul, I promise, I swear on my life”, you could feel her shuddering under you, so you made it even worse, moving your hand to hold her cheek as you whispered to her, “please Tess. please..” drawing out the words, a neediness in your voice that hit her right at her core. begging was the thing that always got her to her knees, so her will was completely broken by then. the feeling of your weight on top of her, your bare legs pressed against hers, your scent that awoke a visceral hunger in her, your relentless pursuit, all of it was driving her completely insane and the decision was already made, she was just drawing out the last few seconds where she could consider herself guiltless. the moment she heard you whining the word “please” again, no part of her was hesitant anymore; she let go of the sheets and grabbed your face to pull you down into a kiss.

you both kept your lips pressed against each other for a moment, prolonging the intense thrill of that first contact, before pulling back and kissing again, and again, and again, an erratic nature to it, her hands in your hair by then, and the most freeing thing about the moment was that neither of you tried to conceal your violent desperation because you could tell you were together in the feeling, you didn´t even try to stay quiet, moaning into each other´s mouths whenever you separated for a second, the sounds lower and mure guttural whenever they were trapped inside of you, a constant shifting of you on top of her, your hands on her chest to steady yourself as she pulled your face close, the kissing turning slower and sloppier the more time passed; the moment you felt her tongue against yours you were a mess and she could tell, you were moving against her thigh, not aggressively but there was a clear rocking of your hips and it turned her on even more, to feel you using her as she felt your tongue in her mouth, an almost perverse nature to how you were going about it then, sucking each others lips, licking over each other´s mouths, while you felt only the thin fabric of your shorts separating the ache between your legs from the muscle of her leg, which you were using to create friction, but Tess couldn´t just stay under you, she craved more, so eventually she put her strength to good use, pushing you to the space next to her on the bed and pulling your top over your head, throwing it to the floor and immediately grabbing your tits after, staring down at you in awe as you moaned from the sensation, “you´re so fucking pretty..” her voice even lower than usual, getting you even mor worked up.

she bent down to kiss your neck as she grabbed your hands to keep them at your sides, your fingers interlaced as she savored the feeling and scent of your skin, you could feel it with every kiss, how much she wanted you, how she was keeping herself from biting your flesh because she wanted to taste you that badly, it was turning your sounds even more desperate, the burn of her kisses all over your neck and throat as she moved down and let go of your hands to squeeze one of your tits as she ran her tongue over the other one, your hands on her back then, moving under the shirt that she still had on, scratching her a little as your nails dug in with the effort to hold on as she had her way sucking on the heavenly soft skin of your chest, surely leaving a few marks, switching between kissing and licking, fully lost in a haze of pure lust by then, there was no shame, nothing holding her back from taking what she wanted, from giving what you needed, in that moment you felt more present in your body than ever before, every breath left you feeling more alive, you could feel each of her fingertips leaving a deep impact where they rested on your body, you felt warm all over, not the usual kind of warm but the kind that spreads from your core out into every part of you, a visceral warmth, it was a type of arousal you weren´t familiar with, and she could tell, she was also lost in her need but she was more experienced, so she knew she´d have to take care of you right, which she was doing, you were blissed out by the feeling of her on top of you, her unrestrained claiming of your body as you pulled her shirt up and begged “please, I wanna feel you”, which made her undress too then.

the moment she was topless you grabbed her face and pulled her down to feel her chest to chest, giving her a deep kiss as you felt her tits pressed against yours, a sensation that felt divine while making out, so for a moment you stayed like that, flush against each other as you continued the needy slow kissing from before, this is what it is supposed to feel like you thought because you knew you could do just that for hours and hours and still want more, you could feel her long hair falling down the sides of your face as you kissed and you loved that one feminine part of her, you´d admired her all day so in that moment it felt like a dream to get to feel her all over you like that, after a while she became impatient, she needed more, she wanted to please you as intensely as possible, so she moved down and helped you out of your shorts, leaving you exposed, her hands running over your thighs while admiring you, but before she could touch you the way she wanted to, you grabbed one of her hands and moved it to your face, your tongue running over her fingers before she went along with what you were doing and put her fingers in your mouth, your lips closing around them to suck on them, coating them in your spit, which was enough to almost make her black out then, her breathing all kinds of fucked up, interrupted by a moan, as you got lost in the sensation of having her in your mouth like that, a distinctly perverse feel to it that thrilled you both, “you´re a good girl, hm”, she breathed as you let go and made eye contact with her, which she held as she moved her hand between your legs to finally feel how wet you´d gotten, an involuntary “fuck..” as she felt your slick heat, you were soaked and she was getting off on it, the proof of your need for her.

at first she just moved her fingers between your aroused lips to savor the warm velvety feeling, the absolute mess that she was responsible for, a distinct whining sound from you as she did it, “you feel fucking perfect” she assured you, sensing that you needed more, she was careful then, watching your face closely as she moved up a bit, looking down at you as she pushed her middle and ring finger inside of you, a slight gasp from you, “okay?” she made sure, “yes, yes” you urged, a breathless tone, as you felt the initial burn subsiding, replaced by the pleasure of feeling her knuckle deep inside of you, she let you breathe through it for a moment before moving her fingers again, her free hand on the side of your face, which you leaned into as she fucked you the way she´d been dying to, the rythm slow and intense, a secure skilled nature to her movements, she knew what she was doing, she knew how to get you to lose yourself, fully, you felt an intense throbbing and pleasurable ache at your core, it spread through your whole body as you let out soft cries from the sensation, your hips moving up to meet her hand, she could have stared at you like that forever, the way your face twisted when she hit a certain spot, the control she had over your whole being in that moment, the needy whines that left your lips that made her unbearably soft for you, “you´re okay baby, I got you”, the baby slipped out, she usually never said it to hookups but you were different, she felt a deep affection for you, it made your lose your mind even more to hear her call you that while she was fucking you just right, her arm was strong so she wasn´t going to cramp up, a relentless pressure on the spot inside of you that was making you unravel, “fuck just like that don´t stop please” you uttered in a breathless tone, begging her to finish you off, your nails digging into her back as she leaned down and felt you struggling to kiss her back as she kept her fingers inside of you to angle them just right and push until you couldn´t handle it anymore, her own moans getting louder again as she felt your walls clenching around her fingers, your body exhausting itself with pleasure, “you´re close hm?” she cooed down at you, a weak nod as your head fell back against the pillow, your hair all messed up by that point, “you can cum sweetie, come on, show me how pretty you look”, her words were the final push you needed to surrender to the feeling that you were still trying to keep inside, but it was over, one more deliberate hard push from her fingers and you felt every single muscle inside of you tensing up, you´d had orgasms before but not like that, it was fully body, hot and close to a spiritual experience, your mind silenced by the intensity of your physical experience, she was completely in awe, staring at you, her free hand flat on your chest as she slowed down but didn´t stop yet, giving you a moment to ride out your high on her hand, eventually pulling her fingers out and hearing a whine as she did it, the sudden emptiness almost painful for a second. Tess left you a moment to breathe, to lay there, spent and flushed and still unable to think, savoring the aftershocks of the climax, the soreness that felt good, the little pains of sex that made it clear you´d had a good time.

after a minute she caressed you, your stomach, your hips, drawing patterns with her finger as she asked “I wanna taste you so bad.. can I?”, you still sounded shaky as you nodded and said, “yes, I´ll be a fucking mess though”, she grinned as she grabbed your thighs and pushed them apart to get between them, “good, it suits you”, so you braced yourself for a good amount of over stimulation as she started kissing your inner thighs, biting down as she got further up because she knew nobody would see the indents her teeth left except you, she could tell that you were still weak so she held your legs in place with a firm grip as she got her face where she wanted it, at first just pushing her lips up against your cunt to coat them in your juices, before using her tongue to lick it all up, a filthiness that she loved, a hum of pleasure as she held you in place and licked all over your core in broad sloppy strokes, “fuck Tess” you whined, because you could tell you were gonna cum again if she didn´t stop, you were still raw and sensitive from before so it didn´t take much, her fingers dug into your flesh to keep you from moving away from her face as you failed miserably at keeping quiet as she sucked on your clit and made you finish against her lips, not as hard as before but still intensely, you were emptied of any strength by then, slack against the sheets as she also tried to catch her breath, wiping her mouth before moving to the empty space next to you and laying down too.

for a moment it was perfect, she was still high on the feeling of you all over her, the echo of your sounds fresh in her mind, your taste still all over her lips, but as her heart rate slowed down and her thoughts became clearer again the reality of her situation came crashing over her; she looked at you, the proof of what she´d done written all over your naked body, your face, and felt like the walls were gonna close in on her, so she got up, giving your leg a pat as she said “uh I need to-” stopping for a moment to breathe properly “I´ve gotta get some fresh air, I´ll be back in a second”. Tess picked her shirt up from the floor, pulled it over her head and walked outside. you could guess why she was acting that way, what she was thinking, so you decided to give her some space before going after her.

as you laid there on your own, you knew you should have maybe felt a bit of remorse but you didn´t, at all, you smiled to yourself as you waited for you limbs to get less shaky and eventually got up, looking down at the red splotches that she´d left on your chest, on your thighs, tracing them with your finger before getting dressed and following her outside.

once you walked out the cool night air hit your face and you saw her sitting at the table right next to your door, occupying one of the two plastic chairs, so you quietly approached and sat down opposite her, eyeing her as her gaze remained cast to the floor, her fingers tapping on the table, a nervous habit. you observed her for a moment before asking, “hey, you okay?” in a gentle tone, she still didn´t meet your eyes as she answered, “yeah I don´t know what the fuck is wrong with me. I really shouldn´t have done that”, you could tell that she was genuinely beating herself up so you said, “well, I initiated so-” but she shook her head and looked up at you then, “still, I should know better. I am responsible here”, you titled your head then, “Tess you know we are both grown right? you did nothing wrong”, she kept looking at you, her tone lower then, “he´d fucking kill me for this.” she said, plainly, a hint of fear in there, you knew of course who the “he” in question was, and it pissed you off, “he doesn´t own me.”.

that surprised her, the seriousness and slight hint of anger with which you said that, it was not what she´d expected and you had more to say on the matter once you saw that you had her attention. “you know” you started, crossing your legs and leaning back, “I spent so much time of my life catering to other people´s needs, I went through some pretty horrible times without ever expecting much help or understanding, supporting others through their shit while I was also taking care of myself, so I think I deserve to go after what I want for once without crucifying myself for it. I have considered everyone else´s feelings often enough, I think it´s about time I look out for my own needs too. and I don´t wanna speak for you, but you also strike me as the type to deny yourself joy for some reason, some self-punishment thing maybe, I can tell because I have done that myself. so I mean this when I say it: we have nothing to feel bad for. this is our business, nobody else´s. and I for one wont apologize for being happy right now, because I am” she processed it, that impressive monolgue, your passionate plea for self determination, Tess cracked a smile then “damn. you´re pretty fucking wise” you shrugged, echoing what she´d said to you earlier, “I try” a pause then as she relaxed and felt the darker feelings leaving her system, replaced by the immense excitement she´d felt before, “you´re not a bad person and this doesn´t change that” you said, “okay?”, she nodded, trying to believe you which was made easier by your confidence, “okay.”.

Tess realized then that she´d messed up by just leaving you there right after doing all that to you, she regretted it, that her conscience had gotten to her and that she´d missed out on the chance to hold you and lay there together, so she looked at you, endeared by the loving gaze you were watching her with and waved your over “come here” she said, smiling warmly, patting her lap, so you got up and walked over, hesitating a moment once you stood in front of her, so she pulled you down and wrapped her arms around your back to hold you in place, “you should know by now that I am strong enough to handle you”, you put your arms around her neck and smiled back at her, feeling her move one of her hands to your thigh, squeezing gently as you stared into each others eyes. “I´m sorry, I shouldn´t have left you there”, “oh it´s fine really, I can only think about what you did before that anyway” you said, running your fingers through her hair then and she looked all blissed out in that moment, she loved having you sitting on her, holding you close while you were being tender with her, “you´re so beautiful.” she said, an emotional tone, you could tell that she really meant it, so you leaned down to kiss her, a soft and romantic one, it was a dreamy moment, you were alone out there, an ideal temperature by that point, not cold but fresh, the sky still sparkling with stars, you both felt nothing but gratitude then, to be ending your day like that.

you laughed then as you pulled back from the kiss, “god. I like you so fucking much. I don´t know what´s happening to me” which made her blush, “yeah me neither. I think I was close to passing out when you got on top of me” it came back to her in that moment, “oh yeah?” you liked hearing her talking about how she´d felt in that moment, she grinned, her hand caressing your thigh as she spoke “yeah, you got me good.”, “well you did too. but you know that, I wasn´t being very subtle about it…” you said, recalling how utterly desperate you´d sounded all throughout the act, “no need to be embarrassed, you sound hot”, you were the one blushing then, “stop” you said, looking away from her for a moment, “oh don´t act shy now, I know you´re not”, she teased, and she was right, with her you weren´t. you rested your head on her shoulder for a moment as she kept her arms wrapped tightly around your waist, before you both felt your limbs going numb, “okay, we should probably get some sleep”, Tess said, so you both walked back inside, not giving a fuck at all if anyone had seen you doing all that out there.

once you were back inside she could see you stopping in front of her bed, eyeing it like you were about to get in, “no, come on, we already did enough” she said while giving your back a light shove to move you away, “I won´t do anything, I´ll just lay there and sleep!”, you insisted, all sweet and innocent sounding, “I don´t believe you for a second” she responded, so you sulked a little as you walked over to your own bed and pulled up the blanket to get in.

“okay, have it your way. but you´re missing out” you told her from across the room as she smiled to herself, “I´m sure I am”. you both got comfortable and turned to face each other, resting on your pillows, arms over the blankets because it was too warm otherwise, your expression almost sad then, “oh don´t look at me like that” she pleaded, knowing that it would be a horrible idea to give into your wish, to allow intimacy like sleeping next to each other, she was already way too attached. you kept thinking about how you were dying to be held by her again and it was visible all over your face, so after a moment of silence and her staring at you, unable to free herself of the urge to reach out, she couldn´t deny you any longer, “alright, get over here”, which she didn´t have to say twice; it took about one second for you to hurry over and crawl under the covers that she was holding up for you, gesturing for you to get in.

the moment you laid your head on her chest, she put her arm around your back to pull you closer, her other hand finding its way to your hair, gently running her fingers through it as you made a humming sound of pleasure, “better?”, she asked, a rhetorical question, “much better, and I know you agree” you said, a satisfied smile as you closed your eyes and relaxed into her. “can´t remember the last time I shared a bed with someone” you confessed, a moment of spontaneous honesty, “me neither” she felt like putting her cards on the table too, which was new, she´d hardly shared anything about her love life with you before but she wanted to make it clear that she was not used to it, being that close to someone. the moment was soft, quiet and sacred almost, after a long day of trying to figure each other out, trying to hold it all in, it was such a relief to have it all out in the open, laying there in each other´s arms, tired and content and aware that it was no small thing for either of you, to trust someone, to be vulnerable like that, after having gotten used to being on your own. your hand slid under her shirt and rested on her stomach as you both started getting drowsy and drifted off to sleep after you said a quiet “good night. sweet dreams” to each other.

later that night you separated in your sleep, sprawled out on either side of the bed, legs and arms only half covered by the blanket, a deep peaceful sleep, which Tess only woke up from once, immediately putting her hand on your arm to feel your presence next to her while falling back asleep again.

around 7 am Tess couldn´t sleep anymore because she usually got up around that time at home, so for a while she just laid there, enjoying the serenity of the early morning, the feeling of your body so close, until she became restless and quietly got up, careful not to wake you. she cracked the door open to let some fresh air in, stepping out to look at the cloudless sky, watching a few people smoking and drinking coffee outside of their rooms. around 7:30 she was dressed and sat down in the chair in the corner of the room to read but after rereading the same paragraph about three times because she wasn´t paying attention at all, she stopped lying to herself and did what she actually wanted to do: watching you sleep.

she sat there looking at you, your peaceful expression, the way your body was twisted up in the bedsheets, your leg that was fully visible over the blanket because your shorts had hiked up during the night, your face resting on your hand as you slept on your side. it looked angelic to her, like a painting that some lovestruck artist had drawn of their girl; the way some light feel through the curtains and hit certain parts of your skin, your hair, she was trying hard to memorize every detail because she had no idea if and when she´d see you like that again. it almost made her laugh to herself then, just how deeply romantic she still was after years of not experiencing much romance at all, it didn´t matter, it was still there, her devoted nature, her desire for something all consuming and life changing. for the right person Tess was willing to bleed and ache and do the objectively wrong thing if it meant seeing them happy, seeing them well loved and healed by her affection in some way, even if it was just for a short while. nothing in the world was more important to her than feeling like she was actively making someone´s life a little easer and lighter, so seeing you in her bed, looking like you´d just gotten the best sleep of your life, it made her feel like she hadn´t done anything too unforgivable after all.

around 9 am she knew she´d have to wake you up so you could get ready without being in a hurry, so she sat down on the edge of the bed and brushed a strand of hair out of your face, traced your nose with her index finger. when that didn´t wake you up, she shook your shoulder, gently, which finally made you stir and open your eyes, squinting them at first while you tried to recall where you were. “well hello sleeping beauty. you´re not a morning person, huh?” she said, smiling down at you as you came to your senses and shook your head, your voice slightly creaky as you said “no”, blindly reaching for her and placing your hand on her thigh as you closed your eyes again, “hey come on, no, you´ve gotta get up”, she said, touching your cheek, so you forced yourself awake, stretching your limbs out as you registered that she was already dressed and ready. “wait, how long have you been up?” you asked, propping yourself up on your elbows. “hm, like two hours?”, you looked at her then, “you should have woken me up”, “why? we don´t have to leave til like 10”, you smiled at her as you sat upright then, pulling her hand towards your legs which you´d moved onto her lap, “I wanna make use of all the time we have left together”, you could see a slight blush on her cheek then.

“just woke up and already flirting with me, huh?”, “yes, in fact I am. you look hot, I like this” you said, fingering the fabric of her button up shirt that she´d pushed up to her elbows, she didn´t say anything but stared at you in a way that made it clear that she enjoyed your shameless way of speaking to her, a contrast to all the subtext the day before, so she pulled you closer to kiss your cheek, feeling your arms around her waist as she did this, her lips moving to your neck for a second, getting a few soft sighs out of you that made her feel weak, like she should do more, but she pulled away just before a mark could form, taking in the satisfied look on your face before announcing, “okay, here´s the plan. we have to check out at 10:00, so I looked up places where we could get breakfast and I found this one that looks pretty good about 5 miles away. I think you could use some coffee hm?”. you nodded, moving your legs away from her and getting up from the bed, “yes sounds good, let me get ready, I´ll be quick”.

after getting dressed you sat down at the small wooden table that had a mirror standing on it to take care of your hair and apply some skincare to your face, you could feel her eyes on your backside as you did this and it felt nice, to have someone silently observing your little morning rituals, to be witnessed by someone who clearly had a loving gaze directed at you. once you were done you joined her on her bed, “we still have 20 minutes” she said and for a moment you both just laid there, your bags packed, your room clean, nothing left to do. after a moment of comfortable silence, it hit both of you at the same time: the fact that you had no idea when you´d be together in private like that again; there was no clear answer as to when you´d share a room or a bed again, when you´d be free to do whatever you wanted again, so as you both turned to face each other, still untouched by any stress or exhaustion that the day might bring, your skin still sweatless and fresh, you both felt the need to touch each other, to do something, to use the bit of remaining time.

you´d gotten very good very fast at reading each other´s expressions, so you knew she wanted you to when you reached over and slid your hand down her shorts, as she did the same thing to you, your arms touching where they crossed, both of you moving closer together to make it easier; it was very different from the night before, there was a slow sensuality to what you were doing, an intimacy that was pure in the sense that you just wanted to quickly make the other person feel good, no need to get undressed or make it a whole thing, a moment of desire that was comfortable and soft, relaxed positions while hearing the other person sigh and move their hips a little. you reached down each other´s underwear and started doing what you usually did when you masturbated, a laziness to it that lulled you into a state of arousal that was full body, intense but not violent or overwhelming. instinctively you started mirroring what she did, gentle movements at first, faint gasps from both of you, and it became a delicious game very quickly, to feel yourself growing hotter not just from the feeling of her fingers on you but the sounds that you were getting out of her, the sensations equally thrilling. Tess was obsessed with the way your lips parted, how head fell back, the way you needily pushed yourself against her hand, the way your sighs were slowly turning into moans, she could feel herself growing wetter just from that sight, it had been a while since someone had touched her like you were in that moment, so she was sensitive, an immediate throbbing sensation at her core the moment you increased the pressure of your fingers, matching the rhythm she was using on you then, a shared feeling of if i go harder, she´ll be louder, so you ended up pushing each other towards your orgasm at the same time, you didn´t even need to tell each other that you were about to finish because you could tell, your legs touching as you moved around more, finally tensing up as you came and felt the release tingling all over your body, a brief silence after you removed your hands from each other´s underwear and laid flat on your back, satisfied by the unexpected early morning action.

eventually she got up and made a waving motion with her hand to signal to you to the same “okay, we should get going, get your stuff”, which seemed very typically Tess, following up a moment of vulnerability with a return to her stern giving orders vibe, but you didn´t mind at all, it was hot to you, her duality, the fact that she was so sweet to you but also had no problem bossing you around when she wanted to. you could still feel the heat between your legs as you moved to collect your bags and followed her out, a glow to you that was unusual, normally you looked mildly annoyed at that hour while walking to class, so it was a great contrast, to start your day on such a high.

the drive to the breakfast spot only took about fifteen minutes, which was a relief because you were both starving and in need of caffeine. you walked in ahead of Tess and were met by an older woman working there who reminded you of the women you´d grown up around, a cheerful demeanor, a thick accent and the immediate use of words like “ladies” while addressing you both, even though you definitely weren´t too ladylike, especially not Tess. it was an intriguing thing for her to see you talking to the woman as she assigned you both a table, the way you immediately slipped into a different vocabulary, the way she treated you like a sweet daughter of hers even though you were strangers.

all Tess could think in that moment was if you only knew that she just jerked me off, a smugness to it, she liked that it wasn´t obvious at all to people what you were to each other, there was something undeniably sexy about being a secret thing.

after you sat down across from each other there was a moment of silence and it was distinctly different to the kind that had hung between you the day before, it was comfortable and warm instead of apprehensive and charged, the kind that signals to onlookers oh yeah they know each other well, no awkwardness at all. after you ordered a good amount of breakfast foods to share and sat there waiting, you asked, “so, how long are you staying again?”. “two weeks. and I am so fucking glad right now that I declined your dads offer to stay at your guys´s place” she said, leaning back and crossing her arms, “well I´m not.” you said, which made her laugh.

“where are you staying then?”, you inquired, “at a friends place, she and her husband are out of town for a while, I am house sitting in a way” you pondered that, “hm right. you should give me the address”, “should I? so you can do what, come over at night?”, you shrugged, “maybe, yes, I´ll say I am going to a friends house”, “hm, I´ll think about it”, she said, but you both knew she´d tell you of course.

“do you and dad have any plans?” you asked while keeping your hands busy with a paper napkin, absentmindedly ripping small pieces off. “kind of, we´ll go visit our college town one day I think, see how it´s holding up, visit old landmarks of our youth, all that sentimental stuff. other than that not much, guess we´ll see how it plays out. and you?” she said, leaning her head on her hand then, eyeing your curiously, “what about me?”. “you know, what are you gonna do with all your free time when we´re gone”, she asked, you thought about it, “god I don´t know. relax, sleep, go to this cafe I used to basically live in when I still lived at home. oh and I think my best friend from high school is coming back in a few days, so I guess we´ll hang out a bit”, that got her attention then, for some reason she imagined some beautiful prom queen type, luscious hair a bright smile, someone striking and charismatic, “best friend?” she probed, her tone low and a question hidden in there she wouldn´t explicitly ask, which you clocked of course and found charming, her inability to hide that she was the jealous type. “yes, best friend. she´s straight. besides, even if she wasn´t, not my type”, she relaxed a little because she could tell you weren´t lying, “right, a little too young for you, hm?” a cocky grin on her face as she said this, your sudden expression of shock giving away that she´d gotten you good with that one, you shook your head, “unbelievable..”, but you weren´t really offended, it felt good to be messed with.

once the coffee and food were spread out before you, you both stopped talking as you were busy deciding what to indulge in first, you went for the waffles, she went for the pancakes that were generously topped off with chocolate chips and strawberries, a stark contrast to her usual first meal of the day which she hardly ever put much effort into. the thick syrup you poured over the waffles was running down the sides of them and pooling up so you used your finger to clean the plate, licking it off without thinking twice, but after a moment you could tell that Tess had stopped eating and just sat there looking at you, your mouth, you pretended you didn´t notice and decided to fuck with her a little, drawing it out, making it pretty obscene, the way you ran your tongue over your index finger, repeating it once you got the rest of the excess syrup off the edge of your plate; Tess was not subtle with her staring because it stirred something in her, the sight of fingers in your mouth, out of nowhere you felt a pretty hard kick to your legs under the table which made you stop and say “ouch?? what the fuck?”.

“I could ask you the same thing, we´re in public, you´re being mean” she said, “mean?” you said, raising your eyebrows, “yes, you know I can´t do shit right now”, you smiled at her then, pretending you didn´t know what she meant, “and what is it that you wanna do so badly?”, her eyes were still fixed on you, “how about you keep eating instead of giving me hell, could you do that?”, pointing at your cutlery, “sure.” you said, acting all nonchalant, drinking some of the orange juice and grabbing a strawberry from her plate as her demeanor relaxed again, “god..” she uttered under her breath as she picked up her fork again.

“oh by the way, you know you won´t get around at least one dinner with him and me right? he´ll insist”, you said,“yeah I know. should be interesting… I´ll just pretend you have an identical twin sister who is sitting at the table with us instead of you”, you laughed then, “sure, whatever works for you”.

once you were done eating you sat there for a few more minutes, chatting, until you knew it was time to get back on the road. the hours that day predictably passed way faster than the day before, the way they always do when you´re starting to reach the peak of having fun and lose track of time. the first hour went by in a flash, the second was mostly spent telling stories about your lives that might amuse the other person, she of course had more years to choose from than you but you still found a good amount of stories from your adolescence that entertained her, neither of you had talked that much and that openly to someone in what felt like years, so you never ran out of things to say and never got bored, eager to connect and know more, even the seemingly irrelevant details about your lives.your bond seemed solid by that point, even though you´d only met the day before. two and a half hours into your drive the midday sun was beating down on the car and the open windows didn´t help much, so you decided to stop for gas and get some snacks and drinks, planning on a half hour break to cool off and regain some energy.

once you were inside the station, you pulled her towards the back where people could get slushies, at least 10 different flavors to choose from, which didn´t seem like a bad idea to you in that moment. “oh I haven´t had one of these in ages, let´s get some”, she looked at you as you both stood there, “sweetie you know this is literally just sugar and food coloring right? like this is a fucking nightmare for your body”, you rolled your eyes at her, “jesus Tess, I didn´t take you for a health freak”.

“I don´t think it´s a health freak thing to not wanna rot your teeth”, you shoved her in the side then, “oh come on, live a little, you know sometimes the nasty stuff hits the spot”, she grinned then which made you register double entendre there, “oh fuck off just come here and choose, it won´t kill you”, so she gave in “okay okay, let me see”. you took a cup and handed her one too, “we should mix flavors I think, I remember that being good. I´ll do cherry and coke I think, classic. you?”, “hmm, I´ll do blue raspberry and coke”.

after you walked back outside you sat down on the hood of her car, thankfully on your own, taking your first sips at the same time. “okay you´re right this does feel good” she admitted, immediately drinking more, savoring the feeling of the ice melting in her mouth, the sweetness giving her a rush while you just watched her, pleased with the sight of her all absorbed in the drink. after a moment of silence you asked, “wanna try mine?”, leaning over before she could answer, the distinct taste of artificial cherry transferred directly onto her tongue as you gave her a deep kiss, making sure she´d feel the residue of your drink, a quiet moan trapped in her throat as she felt your cold lips against hers, a distinctly youthful feel to it, using the excuse of tasting all the options as an excuse to kiss, to touch tongues, it was pure bliss for a moment, the warmth of the sun contrasted by the freezing drinks in your hands, your sloppy display of affection, the uninhibited nature of your desire for her, a sly grin on your face after you pulled back and licked your swollen lips clean, watching her use her hand to wipe hers while she shook her head and laughed to herself, her face flushed. “god what the fuck am I gonna do..” she said in an existential tone, looking over at you, the way you were using the straw to scoop some of the drink out, “like right now or..?” you joked, clearly understanding what she meant. “it´s gonna be such a nightmare to just leave in two weeks. I´m not built for casual at all, I can´t do all this and then just leave, that´s fucking insane.” you smiled at her, “yeah I know. about that, I kind of had an idea..” she was curious then, listening as you went on “you can say if this would be too much, but I could tell dad that I wanna go back to college a few weeks early, it wouldn´t be weird at all, a lot of people do it, and then I could.. you know. come visit. you could show me your city, your life” a bright expression on your face then as you imagined it. she eyed you, processing your proposal, “you´d do that, really? go behind his back and lie like that to come see me?” you shrugged, “absolutely yes”.

it surprised her that you were willing to do all that and made it sound like the most natural thing in the world, it made it clear to her that she might not be alone in her slightly obsessive mindset when it came to what you two had going on. “I should probably discourage you from doing all that, but who am I kidding, that sounds great.” she thought about it for a second before adding “you´re really just gonna take the risk of living with me for a while?”, you laughed then, “risk? is there something you wanna tell me, criminal record or..?”, Tess shook her head,“no, I mean, not that I am aware of, but you know. you have no idea how I live, how I act in my everyday life, it could be a let down” your expression softened then, you could tell that she wasn´t used to having people stay over. “I grew up with a chaotic single father, I think I can handle about any strange habit you could possibly think of. I bet you´ll have to kick me out in the end because I won´t wanna go back to the dorms” she smiled at you, “well, I´ll drive you back to college then, see how you guys live nowadays. do young people still do a lot of drugs?”, she asked, half joking, “not the crowd I run with. but maybe I should start. any suggestions?”, you were alluding to her past which surely included more than one experiment with recreational drug use “none, don't start, it´s not worth it. but you know, smoking´s fine, your dad would hate that I am saying this to you, but I think weed has a time and place” you nodded, “we should get high together sometime. see what happens”, she nudged your leg with hers, “well I think I know what would happen”, a grin on your face as she said this, “I´d hope so” you said, brushing your knee against hers as you both finished your drinks, getting rid of the cups once there was only a small layer of colorless ice left at the bottom.

you had about four hours of driving left, and after about one too many times of you distracting her by touching her, she took you up on your offer to take a break from driving and let you do it for the remaining distance. “I should have made you take over sooner, this is nice” she sighed, stretching out her legs and getting comfortable, doing the same shameless staring from the side that you´d previously done to her, which you didn´t mind at all.“you´re a better driver than I thought” she remarked, which made you turn to her for a second, “are you insinuating that you think young women are all bad drivers? pretty sexist Tess” you teased, not really meaning it, she smiled, “sure, you know me, huge misogynist”.

for a while then you just discussed the logistics of when and where you could see each other, which places in your hometown you might take her, when you might use the excuse of sleeping over at a friends place to spend the night at her place, and a few times Tess caught herself almost slipping back into the mindset of what the fuck am I doing here, but your words had stuck with her, she couldn´t remember the last time she´d felt that present and glad to be alive, so she thought of the sneaking around as something you just had to do, without building it up to be this huge moral issue.

she looked at you a few times that afternoon and thought about how you had no idea that you were strong in some ways that she wasn´t, that you were teaching her certain things without even trying, it was an unexpected thing in your dynamic, that you were giving each other things that you needed without even having to ask for them. she was giving you a stability and security you´d been missing all your life, so often you´d been around people who stressed you out or who couldn´t control their moods, who relied on you to keep the peace, and being with her brought you a deep sense of calm because she was so opposite that, so attuned to how you were feeling, so willing to be the shoulder to lean on, both physically and emotionally. you were giving her a lightness and lust for life that she had lost a while ago, she was so used to settling for the bare minimum and just letting the days pass her by, that your sense of freedom and your way of making the most out of any situation you were in, paying attention to details and indulging in pleasures no matter how insignificant or strange they might seem, it was waking her senses up again, her need for more, for passion and fire, you were helping her see that there was no point in denying herself joy when it presented itself, just out of the fear that it might not last forever.

around 5 pm you drove into your hometown and both of you suddenly quieted down, knowing that your road trip was reaching its finish line. you parked further down the street on purpose, you wanted privacy and no fear of being seen from the house for your last few moments in the car together, so once you pulled into a spot and turned off the ignition, you both sat there in a charged silence for a moment, a shared feeling of I don´t want this to be over yet.

eventually, you looked at each other and she took your hand, giving you a reassuring squeeze, “ready?”, she said, “no.” you answered, a sharpness to your tone that amused her, watching you as your gaze wandered down onto your lap, the sight of your fingers intertwined, and all of a sudden a violent wave of emotion crashed over you; you realized just how much that time with her had given you, how fulfilled you were, how happy and carefree you felt with her, after missing that feeling for so long. you couldn´t do anything about the fact that you were tearing up and she could tell, “are your crying?” she couldn´t help but smile because she knew they weren´t tears of pain, you turned to her, a little embarrassed about it, looking at her intensely, a gentle touch on your cheek to wipe the tears as she almost felt her eyes glistening too, words weren´t needed, the way you looked at each other said it all. a spontaneous willingness to be risky made you both lean in for a kiss, even though there was a slight chance some neighbor or acquaintance could have been walking down the street, you didn´t care one bit, holding each other´s faces with urgency before pulling away and laughing, realizing at the same time how dramatic you were being. you wiped your eyes and shook your head, “jesus look at me…”, she grinned, “look at us. we´re fucked, aren´t we?”, you smiled at her, nodding, “looks that way”. Tess took the reins and moved to open her door, “okay, come on, we need to go”.

as you walked down the street to your house you pointed out certain things to her, which house belonged to which crazy neighbor, where you´d once almost crashed your dad´s car right after getting your license, which tree you´d climbed when you were a kid.

as you walked up to your house you felt her tap you on the shoulder, “you forgot something” she said, snatching her sunglasses from your head which you´d used to push up your hair during the drive, she put them on, giving herself the comfort of not having to make immediate eye contact with Joel once he opened the door, urging you to take the lead. Tess stood a few feet behind you as you rang the bell and he opened the door, immediately pulling you into a tight embrace, almost crushing you, “my sweet girl, look at you. I swear you get more beautiful each time I see you”, the hug lasted longer than the casual kind because you hadn´t seen each other since Christmas, a slight feeling of self consciousness as he showered you with affection in front of her. eventually you separated and he looked at Tess, a warm expression as you walked past him to get inside and left them standing in there in doorway as she walked closer. Joel greeted her “well well, and who do we have here” gesturing for her to also give him a hug, which she did, “hey Miller, been a while”, “yeah, too damn long” he said, glad to see her in person again since the last time had been over two years ago.

he gave her pat on the shoulder, “I´ve gotta say, you look great” he told her, meaning it, “well, I´d say you do too, but you´ve aged quite a bit, my friend” she teased, which made him laugh, “ah there we go, just what I´ve been looking forward to, your unparalleled charm”. their immediate comfort around each other put her at ease, all the worries she´d had before about facing him after your time together, potential feelings of dread or guilt or terror faded away in an instant, replaced by a sense of excitement as she followed him inside.

you had dropped your bags off at the bottom of the stairs and were waiting for them in the kitchen. once they entered the room he immediately went over to the fridge, “you guys must be dying of thirst, what do you want?”, you and Tess both pointed out the refreshments you wanted and took a few sips after he handed them to you, waiting for him to talk. “be honest with me, did she give you any trouble?” he asked, clearly addressing Tess but you spoke up before she could answer “which one of us are you asking?” you said, which made him laugh, “well, I guess both of you”, Tess chimed in then, “nothing I couldn´t handle”, you added to that, “I mean, putting up with you for two decades was good practice for one day with me I think” you joked, smiling at him, and he was relieved to see that apparently you had gotten along really well, “okay I see, you two seem a few things in common, huh” he was alluding to you both making fun of him, but you and Tess thought, well, you are right about that on many levels.

“so, tell me, what did you guys get up to? how´d the road treat you, hm?” an expectant look on his face as you and Tess briefly locked eyes, “you go” she said, keeping herself busy with her drink as you tried to find a way to talk about what had happened, starting simple with things you´d seen on your drive, what you´d had to eat and drink, little funny moments that you knew would amuse him, people you´d observed at all the stops you´d made, and his face immediately lit up as he heard you talking with enthusiasm, a kind he hardly heard whenever you called from college, a sense of pride over the fact that his idea to get you two together had been a good one.

Tess was lucky that he was busy paying attention to you, because as she listened to you talk from across the counter, the look on her face was not the look of an acquaintance or a friend, it was the distinct look of a lover watching their beloved, the kind that stops people in their tracks on the street with the need to witness proof of just how deeply humans can be impacted by each other, how bright our eyes can shine when we are facing what we love, whom we love.

once it was her turn to talk, it was your turn to be the lovestruck fool, admiring her as she stood there, the memory of her hands on you giving you a warm feeling all over, and all you could think was:

thank god I didn´t say no to going on that trip her. thank god I listened when my heart told me to do the “wrong” thing. thank god we still have the majority of our time together ahead of us, even though it feels like we already spent a lifetime together.

#tess servopoulos x reader #tess servopoulos #the last of us x reader #tlou #the last of us fanfiction

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uncpanda · 1 year

Text

The Ties that Bind: Family Tree

AN: I'm baccckkkk Please enjoy this update. It takes place in season six

Master List

Warnings: None I think

“Hello Hotchners!”

“Hi mommy!”

“Hi angel.” They both smile at you from the table. You drop a kiss on the top of Jack’s head and he smiles up at you.

Things had been significantly better since the farmer’s market incident. In the three weeks since, you and Aaron had gone to several sessions with Jack. His therapist was helping the three of you come together as a blended family. Your own therapist and Aaron’s had also been brought in and caught up by Jack’s.

You peck Aaron’s cheek and he catches your arm, and squints at you. “Proper kiss, please.” You barely resist smirking; instead, you roll your eyes and peck his lips. “That wasn’t a proper kiss.”

“Jack is right there.”

This time it’s Aaron who rolls his eyes. He wraps his arm around Jack’s head, so that his hand settles over the boy’s eyes. Jack giggles and you swoop down and kiss your boyfriend properly.

“Happy?”

He releases Jack, “With you? Always.”

You slip your shoes off and notice what’s on the table, “What’s with all the pictures?”

“I have to do a family tree. Here’s daddy and mama and grandpa and grandma and aunt Jess. I still need pictures of you and Uncle Spencer.”

“I’m in the family tree?”

Jack nods.

“Give me a few minutes and I’ll get my photo boxes out.” Once Jack is focused on the pictures, you jerk your head towards the bedroom. Aaron follows after telling Jack he’ll be right back.

He cracks the door to your bedroom. You turn on him, “How the hell are they still doing family trees? Families are complicated and . . . is Jack okay with this?”

Aaron smiles, “Yes. He was very excited about the project, and Jess is bringing over more pictures of her brother and sister. He wants to include you and Spencer.”

You let out a breath, “I swear he is the sweetest kid I’ve ever met.”

Aaron smiles, “I’m pretty happy with him.”

You start shirking out of your clothes and you can feel Aaron’s eyes on you. You shoot him a wink as you change out of your work clothes and into lounge pants and a t-shirt. You head to the closet next and pull out one of your picture boxes. It’s really just a decorated shoe box. One of three. It holds a lot of your loose pictures; the ones not in albums.

You carry it out to the kitchen table and set it down in front of Jack and his eyes light up. You roll your eyes when he just dumps it out on the table. You start shifting through the pictures.

“Who’s this?”

“That is Bryan. My high school boyfriend who was extremely delusional.”

Jack’s brow furrows in an uncanny imitation of Aaron, “Delusional?”

“He wanted to get married right after high school. I moved to California instead.”

Jack giggles, and Aaron asks, “What?”

You clarify, “He wanted to get married right after highschool, his parents wanted to finish raising Spencer, and they wanted me to start popping out grandbabies.”

“It sounds like the start of one of my cases.”

Jack holds up a new photo and you wince, “Who’s this?”

Aaron scowls, “That’s the bastard.”

“Aaron! Language.”

“We only use that word in relation to this one man. He hurt mommy’s feelings.”

Jack’s face grows serious, “I don’t like him.”

You pluck the picture out of Jack’s hands and stare at you and Joel. You look at both of your boys and rip it in half. You throw the part that has you back in the box and rip the part with Joel in half.

“Happy?”

Aaron lets out a huff, “Only if I get a punch in one day.” It’s muttered, and you nudge him.

“Look at all of these of you and uncle Spencer.”

“Yeah, it was mostly just the two of us.”

“Here’s one of you and uncle Sean, daddy!”

Your eyes go wide, “You have a brother?”

This is the first time you’re hearing about a brother. Aaron hesitates, and then tells Jack, “Why don’t you take a break, buddy?”

“Okay.” And just like that he’s gone to go play.

There’s a moment of silence, “You have a brother?”

He nods, “Sean. He’s thirteen years younger than me. We’re not close.”

You nudge him with your shoulder, “I figured. Why did you never mention him?”

He takes a breath, “I was ashamed. You and Spencer are so close. You gave up everything to raise him, and I . . . I pretty much abandoned Sean.”

You poke your tongue against the inside of your cheek, “Aaron. You know more about my resentment towards my parents, and about my childhood than anyone. Even Spencer.”

Aaron hesitates, “You know more than anyone else too. Even Haley didn’t know the extent of my dad. She just thought he yelled. Sean was not the subject of his anger, and apparently when I left for boarding school it mostly became verbal. But I still left him there.”

“Your dad sent you away, Aaron. You didn’t have a choice.”

He bites the inside of his cheek, “Still, I should have. . .”

“It’s not the same.” Aaron pauses and you continue, “I’m not saying Sean was safe. Not with your father around, but he was okay. He had food. And Heat. And AC. And from what you say, everything he could wish for. That doesn’t excuse the mental turmoil he or you or your mom went through, but there was nothing you could have done. They wouldn’t have let you take him to college or anything like that. They certainly weren’t going to give you a say in raising him. Every situation is different.”

He rubs his hands together, “I still feel guilty.”

Quietly, you admit, “I still feel mad at my parents. Our parents screwed us, Aaron. We make the best of it. And when it comes to our own kids, we make it right. We stop what they did. We’re already doing it with Jack. He doesn’t have to worry about anything. He’s not scared of you or Haley or me.” You cover his hands with yours and squeeze, “We’re doing great if I do say so.”

He smiles and tugs you towards him. You leave your chair for his lap and you kiss him.

“Ewwww.”

You and Aaron smile and turn to find Jack making a face. The two of you share a look and then you’re chasing after him. You catch him first, and then Aaron catches the two of you. Together the three of you gently fall onto the bed. Your happy little family.

#aaron hotch #aaron hotchner fanfic #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #hotch x reader #hotch imagine #criminal minds reader insert #criminal minds imagine #jack hotchner

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absurdthirst · 2 years

Text

Lost & Found {Joel Miller x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 13.9k

Warnings: Pre-Outbreak, secret relationship, strip tease, oral sex (male receiving), frottage, fingering, vaginal sex, derogatory language, bar fights, Outbreak, angst, mentions of miscarriages, unprotected sex, mentions of death, spoilers for canon material

Comments: Joel told you he would get Sarah and be right back for you. Twenty years later, he shows up with a strange girl and a lifetime of changes to your old lover. Giving you one more night before he promises to come back this time.

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

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|| MasterList || Joel Miller MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

“Do you think that I can meet her officially tonight?” You ask, checking your watch to make sure you aren’t running behind before you look back in the mirror as you talk on the phone. “I mean, as you know - the - the girlfriend?”

It’s been eight, nearly ten months that you’ve been…involved with Joel Miller and you don’t know if you’ve reached the level that he’s comfortable with introducing you to his daughter, Sarah, as more than what you already are. Letting her know that her dad is dating.

You get it, you really do. You would be protective over introducing someone into your child’s life if you were a single parent. It’s not like you didn’t know Sarah, you saw her everyday. It was hard not to when you were her teacher. Flirting subtly at a parent teacher conference had turned into bumping into each other on a rare night when Tommy dragged him out to the bar. In turn had led to you bringing Joel home for a very pent up night of great sex and then a date set for the next week.

“I don’t know…” You can hear the hesitation in his voice and sigh softly. It’s his birthday today and you hate that he can’t just take the day off. They need to get the framing done on the house that has been a clusterfuck of a job from the start. He’s rushing around his own house, probably woke up late again and you nod even though you can’t see him.

“Okay. I want to see you tonight if you can.” You hum, smirking to yourself as you button up the last few buttons of your shirt and cover the lingerie you had put on after getting out of the shower. “I want to give you your birthday present.” You purr. “And what I bought you.”

Joel groans softly, pulling on his boots while the brick of a phone is tucked into his neck. “I’ll see what I can do, honey.” He promises, bending over to tie the laces. “Let’s - I can tell Sarah that I have to work late. I’ll be at yours at 6.” He tells you, knowing you’ll be home. He wants to see you, he really does. Especially wants to see his birthday present.

“Okay baby.” You agree and he can hear the sigh in your words. You want more and he doesn’t know if he’s ready to take that step. It’s just been him and Sarah since her mother left and he’s scared of how she might react to him dating. With a grunt, he makes his way out of his bedroom, ushering Sarah out of the front door along with Tommy.

When Sarah asks him to be home early with a cake, he lies and says his job will run late. Feeling guilty to push her back, but Tommy picks up why he’s says nine. The job will be done by five but it’s obvious Joel wants to see you. Agreeing that the job will take a while, Tommy meets his brother's eyes who nods in thanks for covering for him. “I’ll bring you home a cake.” Joel promises when they drop Sarah off.

“So are you ever gonna tell her?” Tommy asks, pulling away from the school.

“Soon. I - It’s complicated.” Joel sighs and looks out of the window.

“What’s complicated? It’s been eleven years, Joel. You’re still young. You can’t be alone forever. Sarah will be out of the house soon.” Joel frowns, not liking to hear that but it’s true, she’s growing up so fast. She will be off to college and he will be alone in that house.

“I just don’t want her to be pissed with me. Think I’m replacing her mom.” He admits and Tommy shakes his head, “she wants you to be happy.” Joel grunts, not wanting to say anything else about it all. He wants to get this job done and head over to your place later.

****

“Shit.” Joel huffs, wiping his forehead while Tommy drives him over to your place. It’s been a long ass day and he’s ready to relax. After thanking Tommy for the ride, he gets out of the truck and makes his way to your apartment, ringing the doorbell.

Rushing towards the door, you feel the thrill of anticipation curling in your belly at seeing Joel again. Even though he’s handsome, he’s also funny and sarcastic, things that you appreciate in a man. When you open the door, you watch him turn around and a slow smile curls his lips. “Hey baby.” You murmur, immediately opening the door wider to let him come in. “How long do you have?” You know he has to go home soon, it’s his birthday and he wants to spend it with Sarah. You’re lucky that he can even see you today, especially given the weird way cops have been flooding the streets and sirens have been sounding all day.

“Enough time for me to enjoy my birthday present.” Joel jokes, stepping into your place and he kicks the door shut behind him so he can grab you, pressing his lips to yours. He hates to say it but you make him so damn happy. He hasn’t felt this way in so long and he tries to maintain a distance but it’s becoming harder and harder to leave you and not see you for days. His tongue slides against yours, his hands squeezing your ass, and he wonders what is beneath those clothes.

“Joel.” You moan, feeling how eager he already is against your hip. It’s not like you aren’t aware that he’s come over for sex, but you hum and pull away from him teasingly. “Sit down on the couch, birthday boy.” You smirk and step out of his grasp so he shoots you an unhappy frown. “Sit down or you don’t get to see what I wore for you.” You reach for the first button of your shirt and slip it out of the hole, opening it up so he can see the extra flesh it reveals.

Joel bites his lip, eyes burning into you as you slowly, too fucking slowly, remove the shirt you’re wearing. When you shrug it off to expose the lace and silk beneath, his cock twitches violently in his jeans. “Shit, darlin’.” He rasps, wiping his hands on his jeans while you work on the button of your sensible pants, a professional outfit compared to his jeans and t-shirt. You are opposites. You’re kind and soft, and he’s sarcastic and hard. Yet you compliment each other beautifully, balancing the other out. “You’re really teasin’ me here.”

“Thought about you today.” You are very aware that you are teasing him. You want to tease him. To drive him just as crazy as he drives you. “Those hands on me.” It’s not a secret that you like a man who works with his hands and he has great ones. “Distracting me really.” You reach for your slacks, unbuttoning them and turning around so he can get a look at your lace covered ass as you slowly draw them down. “You distract me.”

Fuck, you’re gorgeous. He wants to bite your ass cheek. Bury his face in your cunt for hours on end. “I’m distracting?” He counters with a breathless chuckle. You kick your pants aside and he exhales deeply, fingers twitching with the need to touch you. “You gonna tease me all day or do I get to bury my face in your pussy and make you scream my name?” He asks, spreading his legs to allow his hardening cock more room.

You turn around and grin at him, well aware that the front of your panties are sheer, showing off your cunt and you shake your head. “It’s your birthday.” You pout. “I want to suck your cock, baby.” You bite your lip, looking down at the bulge of his jeans and your mouth waters. “I want to make you scream my name for your birthday.”

“Best fucking birthday present ever.” He admits, watching you as you kneel between his legs. “I won’t argue if you wanna suck my cock.” He jokes, watching you as you work on unbuckling his belt and he grabs his phone, tossing it onto the sofa beside him. “You’re so beautiful, baby.” He murmurs, looking down at you and he reaches out to squeeze your tit.

“You’re just saying that so I suck your cock.” You joke, mouth watering when you reach inside to pull his hard and throbbing cock out of his boxers. “God, you have such a beautiful dick.” You coo, leaning in, swiping the tip with your tongue before you wrap your lips around the head and suck him into your mouth while you look up at him.

“Fuckkkk.” Joel groans, head tilting back against the sofa, and he closes his eyes while the stresses of the day melt away. His head shifts again to look down at you, the way you’re taking his cock into your mouth has him ready to blow his load but he controls himself.

You keep it slow, soft. Wanting to draw this out for him and make it as good as you can. This is his birthday and he deserves to be treated well. A siren blasts by outside but you ignore it. Wrapping your hand around the base and squeezing him while you start to bob your head and take him deeper into your mouth.

You’re unraveling him from the inside out. Slowly picking apart his composure with every bob of your head. When your fingers slide down to fondle his balls, he growls out your name. “Fuck baby.” He curses you, groaning when you take him deeper until he’s sliding down your throat.

Feeling your panties getting soaked, you open your throat even more. You feel the tears starting to slide down your cheeks, seeping out every time you push him deeper and you don’t care about the mess. You don’t care about the way your spit slides down your jaw, reaching up and cradling his balls gently.

“Shit. Shit. You’re gonna - I’m gonna-” He warns you with a groan just before his cock twitches and he starts to spill down your throat, hot seed spurting into your mouth. “Oh fuck baby.” He pants, eyes squeezed shut as his cock throbs in your mouth, balls tight in your hand.

You swallow as much as you can, the cum you can’t swallow spilling out of the corners of your mouth and down your jaw while you work him through his orgasm. Keeping him down your throat until he’s finished, his cock softening slightly and with a last twitch, he groans out your name. You pull off him with a gasp and grin up at him as you swipe your mouth. “Happy birthday old man.” You tease.

Joel stares at you, dumbfounded and so in love with you. He can’t deny that any longer. He fucking loves you. “Darlin’, come ‘ere.” He demands, grabbing you to drag you up onto his lap so he can press his lips to yours, his hands are everywhere. Squeezing what he can and he cups your tits through the lace. “This needs to go. As pretty as it is, I wanna make you cum.”

You tangle your fingers into his hair and groan out his name. “So tear it off me Joel.” You order him, knowing that you had bought it for him to do just that. You wanted to have him rip your lingerie off. “You gonna be able to get it up again?” You tease playfully. “You are getting old.”

“Fuck you.” He chuckles deeply, knowing you’re just riling him up. You’re younger than him but not by that much. He doesn’t add anything else, focusing on ripping the lace and silk off of you, tearing into it as he seeks easier access to your skin. “So fucking sexy. And all mine.” He groans and leans in to wrap his lips around your nipple, groaning at how hot and pliable your flesh is.

“Joel!” You cry out, clinging to him while his mouth suckles and bites on your breast. Closing your eyes and shuddering when you feel the scruff of his jaw on your skin, knowing that he will rub you tender and you will feel it tomorrow. “Oh fuck baby.” You roll your hips, grinding down on him and your clit catches against the flap of his jeans, making you moan.

He loves how you moan and he grabs your hips, encouraging you to use him however you want. He wants to fuck you but in the meantime, he wants you to cum for him. He switches to your other breast, licking and biting, sucking and soothing his teeth marks on your flesh.

Your head tilts back, knowing that Joel won’t let you fall as you let him suck and bite at your breasts. Rolling your hips fast and chasing pleasure while his mouth moves over your skin, wetting it and covering you in his saliva. “Fuck, fuck baby.” You whine, wishing that he could fuck you right now, but you know he needs more time to recover than that.

Joel knows what you need and he’s eager to give it to you. Quickly sliding his hand down and under you so he can push two fingers inside of you, curling them and pressing his thumb against your clit. He loves how your walls flutter around his digits, so close to cumming.

“SHIT!” You cry out, fingers digging into his shoulders but you don’t want to leave marks on him. Oftentimes he will be shirtless around Sarah and you know that his brilliant, observant daughter will notice. “Of fuck baby, I need-” you break off and cry again, feeling his fingers push deeper and curl more.

He gives you want you want, desperate to hear you cum, and he groans your name when clamp down on his fingers, soaking them while you moan loud and proud. “So fucking perfect.” Joel groans, working you through it with sipping wet fingers, his cock stirring to life again.

You whimper, tucking your face into his neck and breathing in his scent as you ride out your high. It doesn’t matter that he smells like sweat, you like the way he smells after a day of work. It’s sexy to you, the way a man who works hard smells. “Fuck.” You kiss his skin and smirk as you pull back. “Are you sure it’s not my birthday?” You tease, leaning in and kissing his lips again.

“Definitely not.” Joel chuckles, kissing you softly and his hands caress your back. “It’s my birthday.” He says proudly, “and I want you, darlin’.” He murmurs the nickname, knowing that what he feels for you is love. Something he never imagined he’d feel again after losing Sarah’s mom. “I love you.” He promises, knowing he doesn’t say it enough. He needs to say it more. He needs to introduce you to Sarah as his girlfriend. He doesn’t want to hide you anymore.

Softening, you reach up and cup his cheek gently. Leaning forward and pressing your forehead against his and sighing softly. “I love you too.” You promise, pressing your lips to his tenderly. It’s not often that you hear those words from him, he’s good at teasing, at showing you that he cares but often the words are rare. “Very much.”

Your words make Joel pull you close, burying his face into your neck and he allows himself a moment to just breathe you in. “I want you baby.” He murmurs, his cock now hard against his thigh and he wants to be inside of you. “Lay down on the sofa.” He demands, shifting to stand you up and he works on removing his clothes, wanting to feel every inch of you.

Shifting, you watch as he strips down, enjoying every inch of skin that he reveals. Loving how strong yet soft he is. The corded muscles mixed with extra flesh, something that he complains about but you find it sexy. If he had time, you would lay him down and give him a back rub as well. “Come on baby.” You hum. “I need you inside me.”

Joel shifts to kneel between your legs, looking down at you as you lay on the sofa. “You’re so fucking beautiful baby.” He murmurs, caressing your sides and he grabs your hips, pulling you closer so you can throw your thighs over his. He grips his cock, teasing your clit for a moment and chuckling at your needy whine. He pushes inside of you, bending down so he can press his lips to yours.

“Fuck Joel.” You moan, lifting your legs to let him sink deeper into you. It’s not going to be a long, romantic romp in the bed, it rarely is with Joel, but he needs to get back to Sarah. “Jesus baby.” You turn your head and kiss along his jaw. “Happy birthday.” You hum as he starts to move.

He smiles against your neck, “thank you. Best birthday present ever.” He chuckles and starts to move, setting a slow but deep pace as he pushes into you over and over again. “You are so good to me.” He murmurs, knowing he doesn’t say it enough but you are his light in the darkness. You and Sarah are his reasons for living.

You would think that the pace would be quick, harsh but it’s not. It’s a slower pace, one where you can feel every ridge of his cock as he fucks down into you. Making you gasp his name and hold onto him like you’re drowning. “Oh fuck, Joel.” You pant out, kissing along his shoulder.

He grinds into you, wanting you to enjoy him while he’s here since he always has to rush off. He grinds into you, pressing his pelvis against yours and he groans when your walls clench around him. “Stop tryin’ to make me cum.” He reprimands you, slapping your thigh.

A giggle bubbles out of you, making you moan when he does it again. “Can’t help it.” You retort, closing your eyes and tilting your hips up. “You feel too good, baby.” It’s electric, the way that he manages to push against that perfect spot that makes your toes curl. “Want you to cum.”

He shakes his head, shifting his weight so he can rub your clit with his thumb. “I need you to cum first.” He orders, rocking into you a little faster as his cock twitches inside of you.

“Bossy.” You huff, mouth dropping open and another low moan tumbles out. Your eyes slipping closed again as you just let yourself feel what he is doing to you. The muscles under your hands move as he rocks his hips and pushes his cock against your cervix in the most delicious fashion. “Jo-Joel.” Quietly shaking, you come apart underneath him.

The way you come apart beneath him has his heart pounding in his chest. Jesus Christ, he wishes he could burn that into his brain forever. The way your head tilts back, the way his name sounds on your lips. It’s perfection and he can’t help but surge forward to press his lips to yours, swallowing your cries. He pushes his tongue into your mouth and pushes his cock deep inside of you a few times, groaning when he gives in and starts to cum inside of you.

Panting into each other, Joel finally stops grinding into you. Warmth fills you and makes you smile as you try to catch your breath. “Happy Birthday again.” You murmur softly, smiling up at him when he pulls back to look down at you. “Old man.”

“So fucking cheeky.” He snorts, “such a brat.” He leans down to nudge his nose against yours. “Thank you baby. Truly the best damn birthday I’ve had in forever.” He sighs and shifts to lay down beside you. “I do love you baby.” He promises, “I just gotta give Sarah some more time. I promise you, I’ll tell her within the next couple of weeks.” He caresses your back, knowing it would be nice to have you over for dinner with his daughter.

“I don’t want to rush you.” You sigh softly, fingers tracing his skin as the two of you lay together on your sofa. “You can tell her when you’re ready. She’s more important than me wanting to be official.” You feel bad, not wanting to pressure him into doing something he will regret. “Okay?” You twist your head up and kiss his chin.

Joel kisses your forehead, thanking whatever God is up there that you came into his life. “Okay.” He murmurs, closing his eyes. You must’ve fallen asleep together because his phone is ringing and he grunts, shifting away from you so he can stand up and find his cell phone. He discovers the brick in the side table and picks it up. It’s Tommy. “Hey man.” He rasps and Tommy snorts.

“Jesus. You’re still there? It’s 9:30, man. Sarah is expecting you to be at home with a cake.”

Joel curses, knowing he’s fucked up and forgotten the time. “Fuck. I’ll head home now.” He tells his brother and hangs up the phone, “baby. I gotta head home.” He announces as you sit up to look at him, eyes bleary and hair all over the place.

“Okay.” You mumble quietly, always hating when he leaves. You feel slightly off balance after he leaves. Standing up, you watch him redress quickly while you wrap the throw from the back of the couch around you. “Get home safe.” You murmur, walking him to the door and biting your lip. “Since it’s early, I might go to the bar.” You tell him, knowing that it’s not necessary to tell him what you’re doing, but you treat this like you would any relationship.

Sirens interrupt Joel but he reaches for you. “I wish I could go with you but I gotta get home. You gotta be safe, okay?” He demands, cupping your cheeks. “Call me when you get home.” He orders and presses his lips to yours. “Thank you for an amazing birthday, sweetheart.” He opens your door and kisses you one last time.

****

“Hey Tommy.” You walk up to the other Miller brother and give him a smile as you pat his back gently. You like Joel’s younger brother, always easy to talk to and good for a laugh. The Army vet was often with you and Joel when you managed to go out together. “Mind if I drink with you tonight since Joel is home eating cake?”

“He got the cake? Well I’ll be damned.” Tommy snorts, gesturing for the bartender to get you both a drink. “Of course you can sit here, sweetheart. Joel will kill me if I don’t make sure you get home safe.”

You smirk, knowing that Joel will chew his brother out, it’s a very Joel thing to do. “So how was work today?” You ask as you wait for your drink, listening to Tommy complain that they had been sent the wrong headers and the job had taken a lot longer than they wanted and cost them money every hour they couldn’t work. The construction business was hard but they both worked their asses off. “I’m sorry.” You hum, getting your beer from the bartender with a nod of thanks and grin at your boyfriend’s brother. “You have big plans for the weekend?”

Tommy shrugs, “might have a date. With the girl who works at Safeway. We always flirt when I get my groceries and I’m ready to ask her out.” He smiles, hoping she doesn’t turn him down. She’s so beautiful and he wants what Joel has with you. “My brother finally gonna make an honest woman of you?” He teases, nudging you playfully.

You snort quietly, rolling your eyes at him. “You would know before I would.” You tell him, knowing how close the brothers are. They aren’t the softest men, but they confide in one another and you’ve found it admirable that they share a close bond. “You should ask your girl out, she’d be crazy to turn you down.”

Tommy smiles, “thanks. I’m gonna ask her out tomorrow and then-” Tommy is interrupted when two men saddle over to you, leaning in.

“Hey sweet cheeks. You wanna get away from this dork and come have a drink with us?” The taller one asks.

“No thanks.” You barely refrain from rolling your eyes at the overt display of machismo that you find less than attractive. “I only drink with people whose IQ is above the legal drinking age.” You turn back towards Tommy with every intention of ignoring them.

Tommy snorts in amusement at your quick wit but the guys don’t like it. “You find something funny, asshole?” The shorter one hisses and Tommy straightens his back.

“Yeah I do. You and tweedle dumber here won’t take no for an answer.” Tommy retorts, fists clenching after he sets his drink down.

You know that look. Tommy’s got a temper on him and he’s not afraid to let his fists do the talking. “Tommy.” You reach over and touch his arm, hoping to get him to relax. “Don’t. They aren’t worth it. They’re just pissed that some woman they know nothing about turned them down.”

“Yeah. Listen to your whore, buddy. She probably sucks the cock of everyone in here without you knowing.” The taller one taunts Tommy who clenches his jaw. “You gonna suck my cock baby?” The shorter one asks, grabbing you and that’s when Tommy loses it. He surges forward, pushing you out of the way, and he brings his hand up to punch the taller one, knowing Joel would’ve done the same.

“Shit, Tommy!’ You cry out, watching the bar dissolve into an all out brawl and you get shoved off to the side and jostled around in the chaos until the police come and start slapping cuffs on everyone. You manage to not get arrested, but you are transported downtown, having lost your purse in the brawl and you don’t have proof of identification.

Tommy gets one phone call and he calls his brother who curses him when he tells him to come bail him out of jail. “I was protecting your girl. These two assholes- they wouldn’t leave her alone and I had to do something.” He says and Joel shakes his head.

“Tommy, you son of a bitch.” He sighs and tells him he’s on his way, looking down at Sarah. He carries her to bed, kissing her hair, and he makes his way to the jail, cursing Tommy for getting himself in this shit.

The jail bothers you. Even though you weren’t arrested, you were kept at a desk near the holding cells and witnessed the general chaos. People are losing their minds and several times try to attack the officers, one trying to bite them. “Tommy!” You hadn’t been able to remember Joel’s number, it was saved in your phone which was lost along with your purse. You had relied on him to call his brother to get you both out of here. Especially since you don’t even have your car keys, or a ride back to the bar. You just want to go home and get away from here. “Is he coming?”

Tommy manages to get to the bars, nodding and yelling out yes. When Joel arrives, he hands over the money for Tommy’s bail and he curses when he sees you sitting there. “What the fuck are you doin’ in here?” He asks, noticing you waiting for Tommy. He’s pissed at his brother for getting himself into shit like this.

“I lost my purse and keys in the bar fight.” You tell him as the three of you rush out of the bar towards Joel’s truck. “I- they brought me down here because I didn’t have ID on me.” You watch more cop cars go speeding out of the station parking lot, lights blaring and shudder. “What is going on?” You demand, wondering if the world is going crazy.

Just as you walk towards the truck, you see a man get attacked, another guy jumping on him and biting into his neck, making you scream. “Shit! We have to help!” Tommy says but Joel holds his arm up, stopping you from moving.

“Wait.” He orders and just as he says that, people come running out of the jail, screaming and chased by others who are biting and growling. “Shit. We gotta go. We gotta go.” Joel orders, dragging you to his truck. “What the fuck was that?” Tommy asks and Joel shakes his head, starting the engine and backing up without even looking.

You are shaking, looking out the back of the truck’s window as you watch the people running behind you. “What the fuck is going on?” You demand, Tommy turning on the radio and hearing the broadcast.

“-advise all citizens to stay inside and lock their door. Do not go outside, do not open the door to others. Stay off the roads.”

You swallow harshly. “Shit.”

The radio continues broadcasting. “The virus seemingly spreads through bites. Hundreds of people reporting unusual behavior. We urge all citizens to stay indoors and not to venture out.”

“Oh my God,” Your eyes widen and you look around, realizing that you don’t see Joel’s daughter. “Where is Sarah?”

Joel is panicking, worried about Sarah, worried about you, worried about Tommy. “We are leaving. We gotta get out of here. Baby, baby listen to me.” He says to you, meeting your eyes in the rear view mirror. “I am gonna drop you home and you’re gonna get a bag and get ready to leave. I gotta go get Sarah and then we are gonna pick you up and get out of here.” He says and your eyes are wide as you stare at him. He says your name, “darlin’, do you fucking understand me?” He begs, needing you to be ready for this. He’s terrified but he needs you to be safe, for Sarah and Tommy to be safe. “Come on baby, you gotta concentrate.” He demands, speeding down the streets until he’s outside of your house.

He tells Tommy to stay in the truck and he grabs the wrench from his toolbox, guiding you to your building and just as he steps onto your floor, your neighbor rushes towards you, clearly rabid. Joel doesn’t think, he just acts, swinging the wrench to whack the asshole in the head, killing him.

“Oh my God.” You choke, staring at old man Jenkins.

“Baby. Baby,” Joel lowers the wrench and walks over to you. “Look at me.” He demands, “You gotta pack. Get all your shit together. I have to get Sarah.” He reminds you, cupping your cheek. “I love you. I love you. I’m coming back to you.” He promises, leaning in to kiss your lips.

You nod quickly, rushing up to your door and fishing the key out of the hiding spot to open your door. Turning around and looking at Joel as he watches you, nodding at you before you close the door. You throw the lock and rush to your bedroom, needing to change into practical clothes and pack a bag for when Joel comes back to get you. Minutes ticking by as the screams get close outside and the sirens wail. Waiting for Joel and Tommy to come back and get you like Joel promised he would.

Except he never does.

****

Joel sighs as he trudges through the woods with Ellie beside him. Gun in hand, his eyes scan the woods ahead, the hairs on the back of his neck standing on edge. He’s trying to keep his cool but he’s itchy with the need for security. Too many days on this path has made him ready for a hot meal and sleep, Ellie is getting tired too. He will have to set up camp soon and let her rest. “Come on kid, keep movin’” He demands and forces himself to keep going.

Watching the pair pass, you don't get a good look at their faces, not really caring what they look like. They are too close to your home and you don’t like that. Your own weapon is firmly in your hand and you move the bandana up over your nose, not wanting them to see your face. Once they are thirty feet in front of you, you jump out from your hiding spot and point the gun at their backs. “Stop where you are.” You order, leveling it at the girl. “Put the gun down and turn around. Slowly.”

Joel curses under his breath, knowing he should’ve trusted his instincts. “Don’t be too hasty now.” Joel orders, setting his gun down and he orders a reluctant Ellie to do the same. Fighting with a gun behind his back isn’t the way he plans on going out. Ellie puts her weapon down and Joel slowly turns around, hands in the air as he waits to see his latest opponent.

Your eyes widen and practice is the only reason that your gun doesn’t drop. If you didn’t know that your eyesight was still good, you would swear you were seeing the ghost of your past. Same face, same eyes, although they look like they have a lifetime of sorrow swirling in their depths. There’s more gray in his hair than there was twenty years ago, a lot more. But still, he looks good and he’s alive. “Joel?” You choke out in surprise. “Joel Miller?”

Joel’s eyes widen and then they narrow in defense. “Who the fuck is askin’?” He demands to know, growling out the question when his need to protect him and Ellie grows. He searches your eyes, trying to figure out where he knows you from and when you lower the bandana from your face, his jaw drops. He whispers your name, unable to believe it’s you.

You’re alive. You are older, more lines on your features but you’re just as beautiful as he remembers. He had carried the guilt of leaving you behind that night. His need to save Sarah overtook the need to protect you despite the struggle it took for him to make that decision. In the end, he lost both of you.

You see the moment he recognizes you, still keeping your gun level on the two of them and not trusting him for a moment. This man told you that he would be back for you and left you to survive on your own. The anger that you had managed to get past for years, thinking he had died that night roars to life and you narrow your eyes. “Long time to be right back, Joel.” You spit, looking over at the girl and wondering if she’s his daughter. “Where’s your other daughter? Where’s Sarah?”

Hearing her name for the first time in years makes Joel’s heart twist. He knows he should’ve come back for you. He assumed you had died along with everyone else he had known pre-outbreak. “She, uh, she’s dead.” He rasps out. You lower the gun a couple of inches, the shock clear on your face and Joel clears his throat, “she died the night I left you.” He confesses and Ellie looks between you both, trying to figure out your history.

That might be the only answer that would have made you drop your rifle from where it is trained on them. “Oh my God.” You drop the barrel down to have it pointed at the ground, your face falling. There have been plenty of people lost over the years, everyone you’ve ever known, but there’s something especially horrible about knowing that sweet, smart Sarah died that night. “I- I’m so sorry.” You choke out, tears pooling in your eyes for the girl you had known.

He has cried so many tears over twenty years, always making sure he remembered Sarah’s birthday and the anniversary of her death. He stares at you, his heart breaking inside but it’s been twenty years. You could be a threat. “Thanks.” He murmurs, ignoring the look from Ellie as she stares at him. He doesn’t make a move, wanting to keep aware of his surroundings and he waits for you to make the next move. He’s on edge, not relaxing despite the fact that he knows you.

You see the wariness in his eyes. The way that his defense are still up and you don’t blame him, it’s been twenty years. You aren’t the school teacher you were when you were dating him. “This your daughter?” You ask and Ellie steps forward shaking her head.

“Not his kid.” She tells you, tilting her head at you curiously. “Who are you?” She demands, wanting to know more about you but you don’t answer her, still watching the man you used to love.

“Are you- are you traveling alone?” You ask, needing to know if there are more in the area. “I don’t like strangers in my area.”

“We are alone.” Joel answers, hesitant but he wonders if you have found a group. “Are you?” He poses the question with a deep grunt, raising his eyebrows at you. He’s anxious and seeing you again has brought back a shit ton of emotions he thought he had buried deep and shut away.

“I’m alone.” You look back down the road and sigh, knowing they won’t find shelter before the sunlight fades and your place is about as secure as you can get in these times. “I can give you shelter for the night.” You offer after a moment. “It’s ten miles to the next shelter and there are Clickers in that area.”

Joel is hesitant still but he doesn’t have a choice. He’s exhausted and so is Ellie. He needs to trust you somewhat right now. He can’t just keep walking because of an awkward talk. He nods, “we’d appreciate that.” He answers and carefully picks up his gun. “Lead the way, darlin’.” His nickname for you slips out after all these years.

You turn and disappear into the woods, sure that they will follow you. The road to your shelter, your home, had been camouflaged so that it was nearly invisible from the main road, keeping people from turning onto it and since it was a former government facility, it wasn’t on most maps. The fences had been reinforced and you had no problems here since you had found it nearly three years ago. Slowly making it your own space.

“Do you trust her?” Ellie whispers to Joel who offers her a tiny nod. He does trust you to an extent but this life changes you. He follows you, gun still drawn until you open the heavy metal door to a building that looks covered in moss.

“You’re alone?” He double checks when you gesture for him to head inside.

“Just me.” You know he probably doesn’t trust you as much as you don’t exactly trust him but it’s a way of life now. A lot of things have changed. You let both of them enter ahead of you and when you close the door behind you, a heavy metal bar that you have rigged up on a pulley lowers to lock the door into place. No one is getting through it. “And this is home.”

Joel steps into the building and he’s impressed. There’s a kitchen, living area and bedroom. All a reminder of a time long forgotten. He glances around, feeling like he’s back in your apartment. “You did all this yourself?” He asks with a slight tone of awe in his voice. He’s impressed and so is Ellie as she whistles her approval.

“I’ve had a lot of time on my hands.” You shrug your shoulders slightly and point towards an open doorway. “There’s still a working toilet and shower.” You tell him, that being a point of pride for you since you had found solar panels on the roof so that you could get the batteries charged up once the overgrowth had been cleared away to run the facility.

“Jesus.” Joel murmurs, impressed and proud of you despite the fact that you no longer belong to him. He turns to you, “this is impressive, sweetheart.” He says and Ellie nods in agreement, shrugging off her backpack and Joel follows suit.

“You got any food?” Ellie asks, her usually blunt personality shining through.

“Sure.” You grin at the girl’s uninterested attitude in luxuries that were far beyond her time. She probably hadn’t had much of that so it wasn’t a big deal. Instead, things that were tangible were. Food. “I have some stew that I was planning on warming up for dinner or some bread.” You offer, looking at her to see what she thinks. “Or some pickles, fresh made.”

“Pickles?” Her eyebrows raise, “I wouldn’t mind pickles.”

Joel chuckles at her expression and he shrugs off his pack, setting it down on the floor where it’s accessible. He walks over to the kitchen area, watching you prepare the food and he admires how you look nowadays. Still so heartbreakingly beautiful but you have suffered the weight of the world on your shoulders like he did. “How did you get out?” He asks, curious about what happened when he didn’t come back for you.

“I didn’t leave until a week later.” You admit, remembering how terrified you had been huddled in your apartment without water or power. Eating the food in the fridge before it had gone bad and realizing that Joel wasn’t coming back for you. “It was….terrifying, but I remembered that the horses at my friend's stable might still be there. Took my chance and managed to not break my neck learning how to ride for more than just the few lessons I had taken.”

Joel nods, proud of you for thinking so fast. “I, uh, I’m glad you got out.” He reveals, ignoring the curious look from Ellie as she inspects the jar of pickles. “I figured…you know? Everyone who was in town was…” He can’t finish the thought, rehashing those sleepless nights when he wondered what became of you.

“I would have been if I kept waiting for you.” You tell him bluntly, moving over to Ellie and opening the pickles for her. “I thought you died. Since you didn’t come back. Went to your house to look for you. But, of course, no one was there.”

Joel swallows the lump in his throat. “I- I was going to come back for you. Got on the highway but it was packed and then we went to Main Street and the infected were chasing. I just - I wanted to get Sarah to safety. I was gonna come back for you but - but she died and then I could barely function. Tommy drove through the night to get us north. I just stared out of the window, unable to process what the fuck had just happened. I should’ve come back for you. Maybe if I had, Sarah would still be…” He trails off, feeling that choking feeling in his throat.

You sigh softly. “It doesn’t matter now.” Reaching over, you touch his arm gently. “But I am sorry about Sarah. She was such a sweet girl. I would think about her- you, often when times were hard. Hoping the two of you were okay.”

“I thought about you too.” He admits quietly, glancing over at Ellie who is eying the books you have on the shelf, running her vinegary fingers along the spines.

“Sarah used to love reading.” You smile, remembering when you would talk to her about her latest read.

“She didn’t get that from me. From her mama, she was the smart one.” Joel snorts, “she used to tell me about your chats. Said you were her favorite teacher.”

“She was my favorite student.” You can sense he needs to talk about her, wants to talk about her with someone who knew her. “She always gave me a book review in the ones I suggested.” You laugh. “But she loved telling me about the ones she didn’t like more. Arguing on what would have made them better.”

He can’t help but chuckle, “sounds like my baby girl.” He smiles fondly, his eyes sad as he tries to remember those small details that fade with time. “I never did get her that fuckin’ cake.” He shakes his head, closing his eyes for a second. “I was workin’ all hours trying to give her a better life and then I- I should’ve gone home earlier. I should’ve told you not to go out. I should’ve stopped-”

“Stop.” You demand, placing your hand on his shoulder, “I’ve thought about what I could’ve done differently. The mistakes I made. For twenty years. But I can’t keep torturing myself, I - I had to live with those mistakes and move on.”

Joel growls at you, “you didn’t lose your fuckin’ child.”

You shake your head, “No I didn’t,” knowing it’s not the time to tell him, ‘but I lost you.” You hiss back and Joel freezes, staring at you like he’s seeing you for the first time again. He can’t say anything to argue that point so he pushes past you, needing to get away and Ellie watches as he storms into an adjoining room, unaware of what’s in there.

Watching him go, you sigh, remembering that he doesn’t owe you anything anymore and it would do no good piling on the guilt. It wasn’t like you could turn back time. Deciding to let him stew, you turn towards the kid, Ellie, and paint a smile on your face. “Do you, um, know how to read?” You ask gently, aware that things are very different now. Ellie snorts and tosses you a roll of her eyes.

“Of course I know how to fucking read.” She pops back, making you hum at her sass.

“Well, feel free to read any one you want.” You offer, wondering if you made a mistake letting them invade your sanctuary. Maybe the past should have stayed in the past.

Joel isn’t sure how long he sits in what he establishes is another bedroom. He wishes he could go back in time. Maybe if he had come to find you, he would’ve been able to save Sarah too. He would’ve have been on Main Street when that fucking plane crashed. He sighs and rubs his cheek, certain that you hate him for never coming back for you.

When Joel finally comes back out, Ellie is curled up in one of the seats, a book open in front of her while you start putting together a meal that will feed the three of you tonight. Unsure of what to say, you just watch as he walks over to check on the girl- making you curious as to who she is to him- but you don’t ask.

“You okay kid?” Joel asks Ellie who looks up from her book.

“I’m fine. You wanna go talk to your girlfriend again? I’m cool here.” Ellie says with a slight smirk and Joel wants to roll his eyes.

“She isn’t - she was- just stay here.” He demands, stomping over to you to see you heating up some food. “So, uh, you don’t live with anyone else…have you ever?”

“Yes.” You give a small shrug of your shoulders. “There was another couple that stayed in the room where you were hiding.” You stir the stew and sigh. “He got bitten when we were foraging for supplies and she didn’t want to put him down. So I did.” You shudder thinking about that, but it’s a part of life. “When she attacked me, I put her down too.”

Joel nods, understanding how harsh this life is but you gotta do what it takes to survive. “Are you- have you had another else since me?” He asks softly so Ellie can’t hear, stepping closer to you. He resists the urge to touch you, old feelings resurfacing despite him thinking he buried them deep down inside of him.

“It’s been twenty years, Joel.” You remind him, nearly rolling your eyes at the idea of pining away for him. “I’m sure you’ve had lovers over the years. But, no one’s ever stuck and I never let them get too close.” You bite your lip. “It took a long time to heal.” You admit softly.

“Heal? Were you hurt?” He asks, tone a little harsher. He has absolutely not right to feel jealous about the other lovers you had but he does. He thought you were dead and now, you’re here and in front of him. The only person other than Tommy who had known Sarah. The other person who had known him pre-outbreak.

You sigh, knowing that this will piss him off, maybe even gut him. “Joel.” You turn to him, putting down the spoon and looking into his eyes. “After- three months after your birthday- I- I nearly died.” You tell him quietly. “I had a miscarriage.”

It’s been twenty years and Joel can still see the heartbreak in your eyes from that tragic event. He chokes out, unable to say anything since he wasn’t there for you. “Darlin’, I’m so fucking sorry.” He manages to choke out, angry with himself for not being there, he should’ve been there. You had lost the baby, your baby, his baby. It kills him a little, a part of his soul dying with the news.

“It was better off that way.” You tell yourself the same words you had repeated for nearly twenty years. Telling yourself that this was no world for a child. Especially when you had no one else. “It would have been a bad life for a child. Especially in those early years.”

“It’s possible. I know others who kept a child safe. Just - they did it in a quarantine zone. Fuck, baby. I’m so sorry.” He chokes, fingers twitching with trying to cup your cheeks but he doesn’t know if you want him to touch you. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Your eyes meet his before you look away, hating the regret you see swimming in them. “We make choices and we have to live with the outcomes. Life changed.” It’s strange to want to comfort him when you had been so distraught for him not coming for you for so long. But time heals and it’s not as bitter as it had been. “But I survived and so did you.” You clear your throat. “Tommy- did he-?” You wonder if he lost his brother as well.

“He’s alive. He’s in Jackson.” Joel reveals, “he’s - he’s doing good. Got a wife. He will be happy to hear about you. He always told me to make it official. Wanted me to get hitched again.” Joel smiles, remembering the lectures from his brother during their work hours. “He was right. I should’ve told Sarah about you. I should’ve asked you to marry me.” He sighs, full of regrets but he is happy you’re alive.

“You were doing what you thought best.” You remind him bitterly. “We didn’t know the world was going to fucking end on your birthday.” Your eyes widen slightly, realizing he lost Sarah that night, he lost his daughter on his birthday and that's heartbreaking.

He shrugs, knowing that he thinks about Sarah with every year he gets older. If he could've taken her place, he would've. Let her live instead of him. He's gone through every regret and thought he could in twenty years, including leaving you behind. "I - I have always thought of you." He admits quietly, not wanting Ellie to eavesdrop.

It shouldn’t warm you, but it does. You reach out and touch the back of his hand gently. “I’ve thought of you too.” You admit. “Dreaming about what could have been if everything -“ you break off. “It got me through some difficult times. I’m glad you are alive.”

Joel's entire body lights up at your touch. "Me too baby. I - I missed you." He rasps, shifting closer but the stew boils and you curse, turning to take it off of the heat.

"Ellie. Dinner is ready." You call out, looking at Joel to tell him to pause the conversation. He nods, leaning against the counter and Ellie comes over to the kitchen.

"Are you two done with your autopsy of your past?" The teenager snorts and Joel rolls his eyes.

You have to turn around so the teenager doesn’t see your grin. “Some people like talking about their past.” You tell her as you pull bowls down from an open cabinet. “Especially if they were nice memories.” The little girl frowns and you wonder if she had good memories or if she’s had something unpleasant. Deciding to switch topics. You dish up the stew. “Did you find a good book to read?” You ask, knowing that there’s a wide variety of whatever you could find.

Ellie shrugs, “yeah. I found this zombie novel. I love reading those. Seeing how people thought the world would end and it was all for fun. They didn’t think that shit would actually come true.” She snorts in amusement. She hasn’t known of anything but this world. She doesn’t know about going to the movies or going to a restaurant. McDonald’s or Walmart. She lives in a different world than when you were her age.

Joel takes the bowl you hold out, handing it to Ellie. “Eat.” He orders, wanting her to keep her strength up. “Thanks darlin’.” He says unconsciously when you take the bowl and Ellie chuckles under her breath.

There is plenty left over for seconds if they want and the way that Ellie tucks into her food after eating an entire jar of pickles makes you think it’s been awhile since they’ve had a good meal. You sit down and spoon up a bite of your own food. “So where are you going?” You ask. “If you can tell me.”

Joel looks at Ellie, knowing he trusts you but he wants her consent. She nods and Joel sighs, “we are heading to the Fireflies. They have the means to create a cure for the clickers. Ellie, here, she was bitten-” You freeze, spoon halfway to your mouth, “- relax baby. She’s not infected. She has survived. I need to get there so they can create a cure. We can put this shit behind us.” He says, knowing it’s unlikely but he has to try.

You went to believe Joel, you trust him more than anyone else in this world but it’s still something you need to see for yourself. “Show me.” You demand, turning your eyes towards the girl. She rolls her eyes and chucks her spoon into her bowl, and pulls her sleeve up to show you the ugly teeth marks from where she had been bitten, scarred over but it’s not showing any sign of infection. “Jesus.” You whisper, reaching out and touching the marks. “It could change things.” You murmur, turning and meeting Joel’s eyes. “It could be the beginning of the end.”

Joel nods and Ellie snatches her arm back, covering the marks. “So I gotta keep this brat safe until we get there.” He reaches out to ruffle Ellie’s hair, making her scowl.

“You’re gonna need supplies. I can give you some.” You offer and Joel shakes his head, “no. No. I can’t take your shit, baby.”

You snort and roll your eyes at him. “You can take supplies. I have cleaned out everything for miles around. Plus the canned things are from the garden out back.” You admit, the walled off garden is a godsend for keeping you fed.

“Thanks.” Joel murmurs, feeling guilty about everything and anything while you finish the stew.

“I’m exhausted.” Ellie yawns as she pushes the bowl aside.

“You wanna go sleep? The bed is set up.” You gesture to the cot in the corner that you normally sleep on. It’s the safest place in the compound and you want to keep Ellie safe for Joel. She nods, standing up, “thanks for the stew.” She says and stumbles over to the bed. Taking her boots off and sliding under the sheets, she’s out in minutes.

“We have been traveling for days. Taking turns to sleep and it’s been rough on her.” Joel says, helping you wash out the bowl for Ellie.

“Well you can shelter here for a few days.” You offer. “Get your bearings before you have to set out again.” You know that it had to be a hard road. “If you want to clean up, you can use the bathroom. The shower works and the water tank on top of the building keeps the water pretty warm.” You don’t know when the last time it was that he had enjoyed the little things, but you’re sure a shower and sleep sounds good.

“Can I have a shower now?” He asks and you nod, “of course you can.” The mere thought of standing under water that isn’t freezing has Joel thanking his stars he found you. “I’ll go now baby.” He says, leaning in to kiss your cheek. “Thank you.” He murmurs, allowing himself a brief moment of softness, something he hasn’t allowed since outbreak day and losing Sarah. He steps away and makes his way to the bathroom after you point it out.

Hearing the water turn on, you don’t quite know what to do with yourself. Deciding that Joel can take the bedroom, you move into the room and pull the blanket that you had been using to protect the mattress off so you can put some sheets on it. Smirking to yourself as you remember how messy your bed had been on the few nights Joel had stayed over. It had only been a handful of times, but you had cherished it.

Joel showers, washing his hair and the weeks, hell months, of dirt that settled into his skin. He sighs and tilts his head back, just enjoying the shower but he doesn’t take too long, not wanting to be selfish. He stops the water, stepping out and grabbing a towel to wrap around his waist. When he walks out, you are placing some sheets on the bed.

You look up and immediately feel your body heat up at the sight of Joel in nothing but a towel. He’s older, hell you are too, but he’s still painfully attractive to you. “Sorry.” You rush out, immediately looking back at the sheets. “I- I wanted to get the bed ready for you.” You explain, grabbing a pillow to put a case on it. “Didn’t figure you’ve had a bed for awhile.”

“No. Not for a long time. Where are you gonna sleep?” He asks, knowing Ellie has taken your usual spot.

“Oh I’ll take the floor.” You shrug and Joel shakes his head.

“No way. You are sleeping here. I’ll take the floor.” He watches you fluster slightly and he bites his lip to stop the smirk on his face. You’re still so damn beautiful. More mature but you wear it well.

“Joel….” You roll your eyes at yourself and huff. “We can share the bed.” You offer, knowing that it will dissolve into an argument if you don’t compromise. “It’s not like we haven’t before.” You murmur softly, glancing back at the bed before turning to him. “You deserve a good night's sleep and it’s safe here.”

Joel nods, “we can share the bed. It’s been a while but we are adults.” He can’t deny his heart pounds a little at the thought of being so close to you. “Nowhere is safe.” He murmurs, standing there in the towel. “I- I’ve missed you.” He whispers, almost scared to say the words out loud.

“You don’t have someone else?” You ask, wanting to touch him but you can’t. It’s been so long and he might have missed the thought of you and moved on. Despite the rules of the world changing, you wouldn’t do that to someone else.

Joel closes his eyes for a moment, thinking of Tess. “I had someone but she…we were each other's life line. It never - we never said anything but it was there. Trying to protect ourselves, I suppose.” He shifts to sit down on the edge of the bed. “I never stopped thinking about you though. I’ve always loved you. You’ve always been in my heart, next to Sarah. My girls.” He smiles, remembering how he used to imagine taking you and Sarah out, getting to spend time with the women that meant the most to him.

You hate that he’s lost someone else. It makes you shift closer to him after setting the pillow on the bed. Reaching out, you can’t help but rub your fingers through his damp, towel dried hair. “Joel…” you close your eyes and take a deep breath. “I love you too. You and Sarah and Tommy. I’ve missed you everyday.”

He turns towards you, wrapping his arms around you to pull you close. He needs to be assured that you are here, with him. He breathes you in and he’s almost complete again. Sarah is missing but you’ve restored a part of his soul that he thought was long gone. “I missed you.” He murmurs, letting you rub your fingers through his hair for another moment until he’s pulling back. His dark eyes focus on you and you lean in, letting him know what you want. He wants it too. He slowly leans forward, pressing his lips to yours.

Kissing Joel is and has always been something magical. You love the softness of his lips, the slightly chapped texture that you had always teased him that you needed to carry chapstick for him. Just to see him pout those lips. It takes a long time to start to build, both of you slow to take it beyond just a press of your lips but you start to press yourself closer and your hand slides up his arm to tangle into his hair.

Joel groans against your mouth, shifting to pull you fully into his lap to straddle him. His tongue slides along your lower lip, requesting more access that you eagerly grant. His hands caress your back, tugging on your shirt so he can touch more of your skin. He’s rougher than the last time he touched you, a consequence of his changed nature, he’s no longer the goofy yet strong man you knew. He’s been hardened by tragedy. “Baby, let me - I want you.” He murmurs against your chin, his hands sliding down to squeeze your ass.

You shudder at the low rumble of his voice, the need that you hear in his tone. “Joel.” You whimper his name when he starts to kiss down your throat, “I- I - you can’t cum inside me.” You stipulate, knowing that despite the twenty years, you haven’t quite hit menopause yet. There is still the risk of him impregnating you.

“That’s okay. I can pull out.” He’s used to pulling out when he was with Tess. “It’s up to you. I don’t have to - we can just lay down.” He promises, not wanting to push you if you don’t want him. “There’s other things we can do.”

“No.” You pull Joel to his feet and look into his eyes as you reach for the towel that is tucked into his hip around his waist. “It’s been twenty goddamn years.” You tell him breathlessly. “I don’t want to wait another minute.” Pulling the tuck free, you let the towel drop to the floor and reach for your own shirt to pull over your head.

His cock is already half hard, eager to touch you again after twenty years. You’ve both changed, emotionally and physically but his cock hardens as you strip down, exposing your tits and then the curls at the apex of your thighs. You kick your clothes aside and Joel surges forward to press his lips to yours again, the fire ignited as his hands squeeze your hips. “Always been so fuckin’ gorgeous.”

You huff against his lips, not believing him for a second but you aren’t going to waste your breath. Instead you wrap your arms around his back and caress his scorching hot skin, unable to believe that you are actually getting to touch the man you have loved for so long again. His tongue slides into your mouth and you moan, shuddering as you feel your nipples harden against his chest.

His hands caress you and he kisses along your jaw, wanting you to be ready to take him. Who knows how long it’s been since you took a cock. He slides his hand down, squeezing your breast and he leans down to wrap his lips around your nipple.

“Fuck!” You gasp out quietly, aware that there is a teenager sleeping in the next room and you don’t want to wake her. Your eyes close and you lean back and let him do what he wants to with your body. Joel has always known how to touch you in a way that makes your body light up and you have missed it.

His cock is heavy between his legs, pressed up against your hip, and he ignores it in favor of hearing you gasp again. He switches to your other breast and his hand slides along your hip until he is cupping your cunt. "Fuck baby." He groans at how wet you already are. His fingers slide through your folds until he finds your clit, rubbing slow circles.

It’s easy to let him take the lead. You would let him do anything to you right now, just happy to have his hands on you. “Joel baby, you need to stop teasing.” You beg, biting back a moan when he presses his finger a little harder against the bundle of nerves. “I’ve dreamed of this for so long.”

He won’t tease you, laying you down on the bed, he kneels between you, cock hard and aching for you. A drop of pre-cum dribbles onto the sheet and his dark eyes meet yours. “You sure you want me?” He asks, knowing he’s a different man than the one you knew. “You need me to stretch you out with my fingers?” He offers, wanting you to be comfortable.You moan, nodding at the idea of having his fingers curling up inside you again. He had always been able to fill you like no other and you want it again. Spreading your legs in invitation, you watch as he stares at your cunt, his cock hanging heavy and you wish that you hadn’t missed out on so much time with him. “Come here, Joel.”

He groans, shifting to hover over you. His lips press against yours and he slides his hand along your thigh until he’s pushing two fingers inside of you. “So fuckin’ tight.” He grunts, pressing his thumb against your clit. He wants you to cum before he pushes inside of you, he knows he won’t last long. It’s been too long since he and Tess - he pushes that thought out of his mind and focuses on you.

“God.” You whimper quietly, bucking your hips up so he can touch you more. Those thick fingers are perfectly curled up and pressing inside you. “Fuck I always loved this.” Reaching down you grab his hand and start rolling your hips down against his hand, fucking yourself on him.

He watches you use his fingers, letting you angle his hand how you need him. He knew your body inside out but that has changed. He knows he needs to let you lead so he can make sure you cum. “Look so gorgeous usin’ my fuckin’ hand.” He groans, using his free hand to squeeze his cock.

“Jesus Joel,” you pant out, forcing your eyes open to watch him watch you. The rougher edges of Joel exciting you and you clench down around his fingers when you feel the drop of precum drip off his cock and fall onto your thigh. Making you moan as you look down and see him holding his cock.

He groans at the look in your eyes, fuck he has missed that. True fucking connection. He and Tess had a good thing but he kept his walls up. He can't do that with you. You bulldoze 'em right down. "Darlin', I need you to cum." He demands softly, wanting to be inside of you. He hisses when your walls grip his fingers and he pumps them harder and deeper inside of you.

It’s been a long time since someone other than yourself made you cum. And with it being Joel, the knowledge of that alone seems to skyrocket your orgasm up. Making you bite you lip to keep quiet while you steam ever closer to cumming with every curl of his fingers. Joel leans over and presses his lips to yours and it pushes you over the edge. Moaning against his lips while you soak his fingers in a wave of your pleasure as your body shakes.

“Fuck baby. You - you are still so fuckin’ beautiful when you cum.” He grunts, working you through it with sopping wet fingers. He pumps his fingers inside of you a few more times until he removes his hand. Wrapping his wet fingers around his cock, he pumps himself and shuffles closer. “You good?” He asks, looking down into your eyes that are now open.

“Yes.” You groan, opening your legs wider and reaching up for him. “I want you inside me Joel, I need to feel you.” Instead of it being twenty years ago, it feels like it was just yesterday that you saw him looking down at you like this, lust and want in his eyes. “Please baby, fuck me.”

He nods, shifting even closer and he swipes the head of his cock through your folds, wetting the head, then he pushes into you. He groans your name, “fuck baby. Still feel fuckin’ incredible.” He pushes deeper, feeling your walls envelop him.

Gasping, you are reminded of how good Joel feels inside you. Eyes closing as you tilt your head back and give a silent cry when he finally pushes all the way inside you. Grinding into you as he rolls his hips around just like used to drive you crazy. He apparently hasn’t forgotten how to fuck you. “J-Joel.”

He loves the way you moan his name. Grinding into you and allowing you a moment to adjust around him. "Need you to - to rub your clit. I'm not gonna last long." He warns you, kissing along your jaw and down your neck when he begins to move his hips. Your walls are wet, hot, and tight. Making him see stars as he sets a slow but deep pace.

Watching him move over you, your hand snakes down between you so that you can start rubbing your clit. Loving how his jaw clenches as he slides in and out of you, filling you like no other ever had regardless of how well they fucked. “Baby, I want-” You pant, listening to him groan. “I need you to cum for me.”

He shakes his head, “you first. Please darlin’. Need you to cum first.” He feels like he needs to make up for not coming back for you, for the pain of losing your baby, for not being there for twenty years. He should’ve been there for you. He hates that he didn’t go back. “Fuck.” He hisses, pushing deep inside of you with every thrust and he’s so fucking close.

Your eyes flutter and widen as your orgasm rushes over you, legs tightening around his hips as your walls clamp down on him. “Joel!” Your wrecked gasp of his name pours from your lips and your fingers dig into his shoulders.

He can barely thrust once more time before he’s pulling out of you, wrapping his fingers around his cock to jerk him until he groans your name. He cums over your stomach and tits, painting you with ropes of hot seed. “Fuccckkkk.” He pants, eyes squeezed shut.

It’s not the same as before, when his liquid head would flood you and fill every crevice inside your body. But it’s still beautiful when he cums, his mouth relaxed and open as he works himself free of every drop. Watching as he finally finishes and pants, hovering over you as his cock softens.

He pants, letting go of his cock and he flips down beside you. “I still fuckin’ love you.” He rasps, cupping your cheek to pull you close so he can press his lips to yours. It’s been twenty years and he still feels as fucking good as he did at 36. You’re incredible.

You close your eyes, savoring the words that you have wanted to hear for so long. From the man you had missed all of these years. “I love you too, baby.” You kiss him again and then turn your head so you look up at the ceiling. “How- when do you have to leave?” You ask, knowing that he has to leave. Ellie is too important.

He sighs, hating the idea of tonight ending. He doesn’t want to leave this bed. He’s lost so much time without you and he knows it’s going to hurt to leave you here, but he has to deliver Ellie. He could possibly come back for you, live the rest of your lives in a world that somewhat resembles what life was like pre-outbreak. Perhaps if Ellie is the path to the cure, this shit will be over soon rather than never. “Tomorrow. We have a lot of miles to cover.” He murmurs, caressing your side when you turn towards him.

You don’t care that his cum is cooling on your body but you reach down for an old shirt on the floor and wipe it up before you toss it back down. “I-“ you bite your lip and your fingers trace a scar on his side. It’s old but it wasn’t there the last time you saw him. “I could come with you?” You offer quietly, unsure of how he would take that. “To get Ellie safe? I have a car.”

“A car?” His eyes widen. The last car he had given out a few weeks ago. He had anticipated making most of the journey by foot unless he could find a horse. “Shit. You’d give me a car?” He asks, “baby. I can’t accept that.” He shakes his head, closing his eyes. He’s torn on taking you with him and leaving you here where it’s safe. He wants to be selfish but he knows you’ll be at risk.

You hear the answer in his words. He doesn’t want you to go. You won’t beg him, you aren’t that girl anymore. You know you can survive without him. “I’ll give you a car.” You confirm. “And as many supplies as you need.” It will hurt to let him go, but Ellie is important.

Joel desperately wants to take you but he can’t be selfish. Also, he knows that one day, it’s gonna be Ellie or him. He can’t decide between you and Ellie. It’s too much. He can’t stand to think about it. You’ll be safe here and he can come back once he’s delivered Ellie safe and sound. “I’ll come back. I swear to you, darlin’. I’m gonna take Ellie where she needs to go and then I’ll come home to you. We can settle down and just live our lives together. Like it should’ve been from the start.” He murmurs, caressing your cheek.

“You better come back.” You choke out, turning and burying your face in his chest. “Just stay tonight. Stay tonight and I’ll give you everything you need in the morning.” You beg softly, closing your eyes and holding him tight.

He wraps his arms around you, breathing you in, and he exhales shakily, knowing that it’s gonna destroy him to leave you again. He prays to whoever the fuck is out there that you are safe. “I’ll come back.” He swears, kissing your hair and he closes his eyes, keeping you close while you both drift off to sleep.

****

You close the trunk, extra gas cans stored along with the crate of food that you had insisted that they take over Joel’s protests. You know that anything can happen out there and you want to give them a chance. Turning to Ellie, you smile when you see the book in her hand, “Keep it.” You tell her. “You’ll need it when he’s snoring.” The joke makes Ellie snicker and Joel rolls his eyes as you look over at him. “Be safe.” You whisper, unsure if you can kiss him goodbye or not in front of the girl.

Joel doesn’t know when he will see you again. Sure, he’s gonna get shit from Ellie but he can’t leave and not say goodbye. “Get in the car.” He orders the teenager who protests. “Get in the goddamn car.” He growls and she huffs, opening the door to get in the vehicle. “I swear to ya, I’m comin’ back to you baby. I ain’t gonna let twenty more years pass. I gotta get her to the Fireflies and then I’ll come back.” He vows, cupping your cheek. Your eyes are full of tears and he hates it, leaning in to softly kiss your lips. “I love you.” He whispers, like it’s a secret between you.

“I love you too.” You promise him, throwing your arms around him and kissing him again like it will be the last time ever. “I always have, Joel Miller, and I always will.” You kiss him once more and then let him go, unshed tears in your eyes and you know it’s better this way. He needs to concentrate on his job. To get Ellie to the Fireflies. “You better come back to me, Joel.”

“I’ll crawl back to you if I gotta, baby.” He promises, kissing your forehead and he forces himself to step away, walking to the car. He gets in and looks to find Ellie smirking at him. “Not a fuckin’ word.” He warns her and she snorts, deciding that it’s best to remain quiet for once. Joel starts the engine and puts the car in drive. Hesitating for a second until he makes himself press the accelerator. He looks at you in the rear view mirror, leaving you behind yet again. He will come back for you though.

****

Ten years is a long time to wait for someone. It’s a long time to stay where you are since this is the last place he had seen you. Everyday his words ring in your ears. ‘I’ll craw back to you if I gotta baby.’ Words that you had taken to heart and everyday you searched for signs of him returning. Everyday your hopes sunk and you retreat into the bed you shared together. Alone.

Ellie finally walks out of the tree line towards the compound she remembers coming across ten years ago. Joel had written down the coordinates just in case he didn’t make it. She trudges along the path to the fence, calling out your name. She hopes you’re still here.

Things don’t change much in this world and as soon as you hear someone shouting, you are grabbing your gun, rushing outside to greet whoever is out there. Realizing that it’s your name being called. “Who’s there?” You shout, still not seeing them yet.

Ellie holds her hand up, well versed in how defensive people are to strangers randomly showing up. “It’s me, Ellie. ‘The not infected but bitten’ girl.” She hopes you remember her. She’s changed in ten years. You appear, face eager as you immediately look past her to see if Joel is with her. She has to swallow the lump in her throat and blink to stop her eyes from stinging. “He’s - he’s not with me.” She announces, keeping her hands raised.

You know that he’s gone. Of course he’s gone. Your lip still trembles and you lower the weapon in your hand. “When?” You choke out, closing your eyes and swaying slightly. He’s dead. Joel is dead.

“A few months ago. I- I’m so sorry. He tried to save me. The Fireflies…they could create the cure but to do that, they had to kill me. Joel wouldn’t let them and killed the surgeon. We went to Jackson to see Tommy, let the QZ take me in so Joel could come back here. He was getting ready to leave. He had his pack ready when - when the daughter of the surgeon found him and killed him. I’m so sorry. I-” Tears stream down her cheeks, still mourning the man she loved as a father.

“Mom?” You turn to see your son standing in the doorway, his own rifle in his hands, his eyes wary and watchful as he looks between you and Ellie, wondering if you made each other cry. “What’s going on?” He demands, sending Ellie a scowl for making his mother upset. He’s always been protective of you since he’s learned to hold a gun.

Ellie’s eyes widen as she takes in the child behind you. He can’t be more than ten years old. Ten years ago Joel left the compound to take Ellie to the Fireflies and this kid…he looks just like Joel. “I- is that - is he Joel’s?” She gasps, unable to look away.

You motion for him to come forward. “Yeah.” You murmur, leaning down to drop a kiss in his head and play with his hair before you look back at Ellie. “He’s Joel’s. Named after him too, but I call him Joey.” You had known right away when he was born you were going to name your son Joel, after the man who helped create him.

Ellie smiles, “that’s fitting.” She looks over at the boy who has his fathers scowl. She doesn’t ask how he was conceived. Joel had given her the talk, albeit the most awkward conversation she ever had with him, and he told her to never let a boy finish inside of her in case she wants to get fuckin’ knocked up. Accidents happen though and Joey is proof of that. “He wanted me to give you this…in case he didn’t make it back to you.” Ellie steps forward, holding out the smashed up watch for you.

You take a deep, shuddering breath as you reach out for the watch. Your fingers shake but you take it. Looking at the broken face and remembering how Joel told you Sarah had fixed it for that last birthday. That he had kept it to remember her by. It was his most precious possession in the world. Your rifle hits the found and you clutch your reminder of Joel close to you, the little boy unsure of what exactly is doing on but he knows it’s not good when his mother cries. “Thank you.” You manage after a moment, looking up at Ellie with a grateful smile. “Thank you for bringing him back to me.”

#pedro pascal #joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller smut #joel miller imagine #joel miller fanfiction #tlou hbo #hbo the last of us spoilers #the last of us hbo #hbo tlou #hbo the last of us #joel miller the last of us #tlou spoilers #the last of us spoilers

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cowgurrrl · 1 year

Note

Here for all the Rockstar!Joel content. Could I please get a fluff piece of them telling the girls about the pregnancy and everyone is excited but it’s clear that Ellie is a bit anxious and withdrawn. Actress and Ellie have a mom and daughter day out and Ellie confides that she is a bit nervous about the baby replacing her and her feeling like she is not their “real child” and actress tells her that is nonsense and goes into mama bear mode. Sorry that is a ramble.

I love this idea!

Small Bump

Pairing: rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader

Author's note: I have so much Sammy fluff waiting in my drafts

Summary: this ask!

Warnings: pregnancy, talk of foster care system, Ellie being hesitant about the new baby

Before you tell the girls you're pregnant, you tell Joel how nervous you are about it. If you're ignoring the massive age gap between them and the baby, bringing a new life into the home is still a big deal, especially for Ellie. For more than half a decade, Ellie has been the baby of the family. She's never really had to worry about anyone else taking her attention or anything like that, which she loved after so many years in foster care. When you explain all this to Joel, he tells you not to worry. "It'll be an adjustment for all of us, but we'll face it together." He said, and you decided to let it go. He knows his kid, right?

Sarah is shocked but excited, hugging you and Joel tightly after you show her the sonogram pictures. Ellie smiles and tells you how great that is before hugging you both and disappearing up the stairs. Your heart breaks at how softly she shuts her door, like she doesn't want her feelings to be a burden. When you move to walk upstairs to talk to her, Sarah stops you. "Let me talk to her first. I don't know if she'll be ready to talk to you yet." And she's right, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. You nod silently and let Sarah go into big sister mode.

The next few days are brutal. Ellie actively avoids you and Joel, walks around the house with headphones on, and spends a lot of time in her room. Your hormones are off the charts, so you cry about it. A lot. Sarah and Joel take turns spending time with Ellie and talking with her about it, and they promise you it has nothing to do with you, but you feel like it does. You're the stranger who infiltrated her family and made her the middle child. If you were in her shoes, you'd be upset too.

A week after you told her of the little life growing under your heart, you're sitting on the back porch with a massive water bottle and a book you've been meaning to read. You thought it would be a good distraction, but you can barely focus on the words. After about twenty minutes of trying to read, you sigh, put the book down, and stare at the Los Angeles skyline.

"Is your book really that bad?" A voice asks from behind you, and you smile as you turn to look at Ellie. She's wearing one of Joel's shirts, the fabric hanging loose around her, and an Astros hat.

"I don't know if I'm as much of a reader as I used to be." You admit, and she smiles shyly.

"Can I sit with you?" She asks, and you nod. She walks over to the table and sits across from you, fidgeting with her rings the whole time. You don't push her to talk about the pregnancy or anything else for that matter. You're just happy that she can still stand to look at you. She takes a deep breath, rests her elbows on the table, and looks at you seriously. "I'm not mad at you for having a baby with my dad." She finally says, and you bite the inside of your cheek.

"It'd be okay if you were."

"I'm not. Really," she says. "I just… I guess I'm scared."

"About what, honey?" You ask, sitting up to show her you're listening. She sighs and spins the ring on her middle finger a few times as she thinks.

"When I was in one of my foster homes, I got comfortable. They told me they'd let me stay as long as I needed to and even talked about adopting me. I was so excited. I wasn't gonna have to move around anymore, and I finally had a good home," she takes a shaky breath. "And then my foster mom got pregnant, and it changed everything. I kept asking when they were going to adopt me, but they couldn't give me an answer. When the baby was born, it was like I was invisible. Like I didn't even matter. So, I ran away. I gave them a reason to give me away, and they did. First chance they got," you can hear the pain in her voice, and you put your hand over hers. She sniffles and wipes her eyes on her shirt sleeve as she looks at you. "I know this is different, and you won't do that, but that fear is still there, and I don't… I don't know how to make it go away."

You're not sure what to say, so you sit there in silence with Ellie as she tries to stop crying. You run your thumb over her knuckles as you think, even moving to the chair right next to her so you can wrap her in your arms. She cries into your chest, and you run your hand through her hair like someone should've done for her all those years ago. You can't change what happened, but you can do your best to make up for it.

"I’ve loved you like my own since long before your dad, and I got married. You know that, right?" You ask as you kiss her hairline, and she nods. "There has never been a point in time where I didn't think you were the most brilliant, caring, kind, beautiful girl or where I didn't thank my lucky stars that you came into my life," you move your hands to cup her face and look at her. "You, Ellie Miller, are the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I love you and want you around. This baby isn't going to change that, okay? It might fuck up our sleep for a little bit, but I swear to you, this baby isn't going to change how much I love you." As you speak, more tears fall down her face, and you wipe them away gently. She looks so young like this. It breaks your heart to think someone could've looked at her like this and thought she didn't deserve the world.

"And you know what else? I'm scared of having this baby, too." You tell her, and her shoulders drop.

"You are?"

"Terrified," you say. "But I have you and Sarah and your dad. I have our family, and that's all I need. So, I know I'm gonna be okay even if I am scared. And you don't have to be completely onboard with the new baby if you're not ready yet. We've got lots of time, okay?" You ask, and she takes a moment to take in your words. She shifts a little in her seat and clears her throat.

"Um… you showed Sarah some pictures from the doctor. Do you… still have them?" She asks, and you nod. "Can I see them?" You smile at her question and stand to go inside. You grab the sonogram pictures from your bedside table and bring them back outside to show Ellie.

"So, it doesn't really look like a lot right now, but," you point to the baby's little arms. "Those are their arms and their hands. You can kinda see their little fingers if you squint. And that," you point to the baby's side profile. "Is their face." Ellie stares at the grainy photos until she figures out what she's looking at and then lights up. She runs her thumb over the baby's nose and lips and smiles as if tracing the features herself.

"Kinda looks like Dad." She says quietly, and you laugh.

"Yeah, I thought the same thing."

"Is it weird… being pregnant?"

"A little, but it's also really cool." She glances between your eyes and your still-growing belly.

"Can I?" She asks. You nod and carefully grab her hand to let it rest on your stomach. To call it a bump is generous, but there's definitely something there. Whether it's food bloat or the baby, you don't know. Still, Ellie rubs little patterns into your shirt and smiles.

"Hi, baby," she says. "My name is Ellie. I'm your big sister."

There are still many months before your baby will be born and effectively change all of your lives, but right now, under a perfect sunset, Ellie is content and at peace and knows how loved she is. And that's all you need.

#one for the money two for the show #rockstar!joel miller #the last of us #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel tlou #the last of us x reader #joel miller fic #joel miller the last of us #ellie the last of us #tlou au #the last of us au

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marveinator · 2 years

Text

Afraid- Ellie Williams (1)

Afraid- Ellie Williams (Part 1)

PART 2 -> PART 3

Backround infos you need (THIS CONTAINS TLOU 2 SPOILERS!): This takes place after Joel died, and Ellie´s revenge already started. Dina and Ellie never had a thing going on, they are just good friends, and Jesse is still alive. Still- Ellie doesn´t have contact with them- since they did not accept her leaving. (Dina and Jesse are not a couple though)- also the reader aka your perspective is described as she/her but there is no use of Y/N!

A/N: This will be a series! I hope you enjoy Part 1, and I´m terribly sorry if something doesn´t make sense, English isn´t my first language! Tell me what you think and help me to let more people see this! Enjoy now...

Chapter warnings: Mention(s) of death, mention(s) of guns/shooting, overall it can be brutal,... I think that´s it?

It was dark outside. Through the broken window I could look a bit into the distance, but without any new discovery. Never did I, or anyone, think the world would end like this. Shattered, possessed, and above all: controlled. It is difficult to explain how the world was before. I, myself, do not know. This has always been the way life goes for me, this is how it began, this is how it ends. In the midst of an apocalypse that finds no end.

I decided to get out of "my" bed. It was probably midnight, but I didn't care. As I crawled out from under the covers, I felt goosebumps brush over my body. Stupid broken window. I hated it here. I don't know about the other QZs, but I hope for everyone's sake it's better than here. Vancouver. I was born here, I live here, and I will die here. I've never seen anything else. If someone asked me now what my greatest wish is, I would probably say to finally get out of this shithole. I'm sitting here, living in a small apartment. Not mine, but my friend's. He's always working… and is almost never around. Work is also one of those messy things here…. I think FEDRA has and never had anything under control. Anyway, I got up and put on shoes. Also my dark gray jacket, the only one I own.

Just as I was about to go into the kitchen (which can't even be called a kitchen, it's way too small for that), I heard a loud scream. I quickly ran back to the (broken) window and looked out. Down on the street people were shooting. Probably the fireflies. Ironic, isn't it? I actually had hopes of becoming a part of them once. Just to get out of here.

"Turn around right fucking now." An unknown voice. I turned around and looked into the eyes of a tall brunette girl. She had a tattoo on her forearm and a gun between her hands. "I really don't want to hurt you, but I need you to tell me where your dear friend Liam is." Her words sounded harmless, however the tone of her voice could tell me that she wouldn't hesitate for a second to kill me. I took a deep breath, I didn't want to die yet despite the circumstances. "He's working," I said dryly. This answer apparently didn't please the girl at all, because she came a few steps closer. "Stupid. Who do you think he is working for right now? At this hour? For FEDRA? They're busy enough taming the fireflies." Oh. Kind of makes sense. "FEDRA doesn't care about annoying 20-year-old men who want food. So, tell me, where is he? I still have a bullet, believe me."

Automatically, I took a step back. "Leave me out of this. I hardly ever see him, I just live in an apartment with him- I don't know anything." I didn't like this situation at all. "Get on your knees," the girl said, and I obeyed- not ready to take a bullet. I knelt on the cold floor and felt goosebumps rise again, but probably it was the whole position I was in that scared me. So helpless and close to death. Yes, I wanted excitement in my life, but not like this….

"And now you listen to me. Your friend, or whatever, is working for someone who killed a person who was very important to me. So maybe if you do want to tell the truth, now is the last chance to do it." I stared up into her eyes. Her whole stature looked so frightening in the darkness. I could tell by the look in her face that she did this every day. Not sneaking up on random girls in apartments, no, killing people. Maybe she had already killed 20. Or hundreds. Or thousands… "Now fucking say something!" she screamed as she pulled on the gun to load it. Shit. I swallowed. Now I had to act smart.

Suddenly the wooden floor creaked. Steps. "What the-" Both mine and the girl's eyes darted to the door. Liam. Fuck. The brown-haired girl in front of me didn't hesitate and shot him. I saw the bullet go through his left shoulder and blood gush out of him. "NO!", I screamed. I quickly ran over to him and knelt down. "It had to be done." She wanted to leave. She pushed past and wanted to leave. No. Quickly I ran after her and grabbed her. "No. You can't barge in here and scare me to death and kill my only friend!", I cried. The tears were just running down my cheeks now. "I don't have anyone else! No one. What am I supposed to do now? You took away the only thing I had, and I thought that's how you felt, too?"

Ellie Williams POV I looked down at her, since she was quite a bit smaller than me. Pain was in her eyes…what had I done. Killing people- for Joel- had been easy. At least until now. But this time was different. I saw a girl standing in front of me who had lost the most important person in her life - just like I once had. "No." I- I was no better than Abby. "I'm- I didn't know-", I tried to continue, but I was interrupted. "Would it have made any difference if you had known? You're a murderer!" Ouch. "Believe me, whoever is the person you lost, I don't think he or she would have wanted you to be like this. You're a monster." Now I couldn't hold back my tears either. I was standing here, in a strange girl's hallway, and I was crying. Not very Ellie of me.

Reader POV Wow. I had managed to make a murderer cry. That was definitely not on my checklist. I turned around and walked back to Liam. His eyes were staring off into nowhere. We almost never talked, yet he had been important to me. Taking in a stranger just like that, as a roommate and friend, was certainly not a normal thing. I wiped the last tears from my face before simply accepting it. Sure, this may seem mean… like "Why is she getting over it so quickly?" Well… when you're used to losing everyone, eventually it doesn't surprise you anymore. Of course, the grief will always be there, but it becomes easier and easier to suppress it. I couldn't turn around and look at the girl. I couldn't. "I don't think we'll ever see each other again, and that's just fine. I don't want to see you anymore. Look, I don't even know your name. Forgive? I won't- I don't want to, but I'm going to try anyway. You don't deserve it, but I don't know your exact history. Which doesn't justify what you did, but maybe I just don't understand you. Now just go, FEDRA will be here soon, they must have heard the shot."

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pedroscurls · 11 months

Text

Always Been You (Part 8).

Character(s): no-outbreak!Joel Miller x fem!Reader Summary: You can't hide your feelings for him any longer. And fortunately for you, neither can Joel. Word count: 3.3k Author's Note: And we are here y'all! I just want to thank you guys for being patient with me while I go through some things. I really appreciate every single one of you! Please, please, please tell me what you guys thought about this chapter. This is going to set up for what's gonna happen next... Warning: None. SERIES MASTERLIST

After Sarah’s birthday, Joel started to reach out more often. You didn’t mind though, you missed him and missed your friendship. But it still felt like he was keeping his distance, maintaining that boundary. All you could think about after this past weekend was that mystery woman who made him laugh, touched him in a way that made it seem like they were something more, and kissed him like she belonged to him.

You tried to not let it bother you, and you tried to force yourself to be happy for him, but even Joel rarely talked about her. You didn’t want to bring it up either, afraid of what his answer might be and knowing that either way, Joel was still so out of reach.

You were in your apartment, deciding to take the day off to gather your thoughts. Usually, busying yourself with work helped you forget (at least temporarily) about what was bothering you, but when it came to Joel, your mind just wouldn’t shut off. He occupied your thoughts every second of the day and it only made you upset when you realized that you would probably never have your chance with him.

Even if you firmly believed that Joel was your one. He felt like he was your person… the person you were meant to spend the rest of your life with.

You were lying on your couch, arm draped over your eyes to try and take a midday nap when you heard a knock at your door. You wondered if it was one of your employees, but when you stood up to open the door, you were surprised to see Joel standing across from you.

“Hi,” he said. “This a bad time?”

You shook your head and opened your door even further, allowing him to step inside. The last time he was here was three years ago when he spent the night and you both fell asleep in each other’s arms. It felt so long ago, yet it also felt like no time passed at all.

You shut the door once he stepped inside and you looked up at him, tilting your head in confusion.

“Everything okay?” you asked.

“I stopped by the coffee shop and didn’t see you,” Joel began, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “One of your employees said you had taken the day off and I just wanted to see if you were okay.”

“I’m fine, Joel,” you chuckled, reaching out to rest a hand on his arm. You watched him look down at your touch, noticing him bite his lower lip and step just an inch closer to you. “You don’t have to worry.”

“Kind of hard not to,” he smiled.

“You could have called me.”

“Wanted to see you,” Joel admitted.

“Well, since you’re here, you hungry?”

“I can eat,” he smiled.

“I have leftovers,” you giggled, dropping your hand from his arm and walking towards the kitchen. You heard the faint noise of him removing his boots before the soft sounds of his footsteps trailing behind you.

You grabbed the leftover lasagna and grabbed a plate for him, cutting a piece for him to reheat. Joel was leaning against the counter, arms crossed over his chest as he watched you move around your kitchen.

“I wanted–”

“Joel, I–”

You both looked at each other and let out a hesitant laugh when you both realized you had interrupted one another by talking at the same time. He took a step closer to you and nodded his head, “You go first.”

You sighed and looked up at him, biting your lower lip. “I miss you… I miss my best friend.”

“I’ve been here,” he said with a sigh.

“We both know that’s not true.”

“I needed to keep my distance,” Joel admitted. “But I didn’t mean for it to last as long as it did.”

“Our friendship isn’t the same anymore,” you whispered. “And I don’t know how we can get back to the way we were.”

Joel shrugged, “Maybe we move forward and be better than what we were?”

“What’s better than that?”

Joel tightened his jaw; he could think of a few things that were better than being just your friend. Being this close to you and being in your apartment made his feelings for you grow stronger, made the love he had for you blossom in a way where he felt like he could just pull you into his arms and confess his love for you. He thought keeping his distance and maintaining the boundaries he decided to set in place was going to give him clarity that his feelings for you weren’t as serious as they were, but when he saw you at Sarah’s birthday party, he realized that the past three years had been miserable without you.

When he saw you watch him kiss that woman, Joel felt guilty, felt ashamed, felt like an imposter. The woman he had been seeing was no match for you and seeing you this past weekend proved that.

Joel still loved you… And he loved you as much as he did all those years ago.

“I don’t know,” he finally responded. “But I have missed you too. Sarah’s missed you also.”

“Can I ask you something?” you asked hesitantly. Part of you didn’t want to know who that woman was, but you also realized that it was one of the reasons that kept you up at night and occupied most of your thoughts throughout the day.

“Sure,” he replied.

“That woman,” you began, looking up at him. “Is she–”

“We’re dating,” Joel said, feeling a sense of guilt as soon as he answered. “She’s one of the parents at Sarah’s school. We met one day and–”

“Are you happy?” you interrupted.

Joel looked down at you. This didn’t feel like a conversation he wanted to have, especially not since things were going so well; it almost felt like things were beginning to fall back into place. He wasn’t sure if he was happy, but the woman he had been seeing did distract him from the thoughts that were now coming back to his mind: you. It was unfair to her, using her as a way to try and forget the feelings he had for you, but Joel didn’t know what else he could do to try and move on.

“It’s still new,” he shrugged. “She just got divorced.”

“But are you happy?” you repeated.

“Darlin’,” he sighed. “I don’t think I’ve been as happy as I was when you were more involved in my life, in Sarah’s life,” Joel admitted.

You sighed, looking up at him and feeling a sudden sense of courage. “We won’t ever get the timing right, will we?”

Joel furrowed a brow. “What does that mean?”

“Nothing,” you shook your head, hearing the sound of the microwave alerting you that his food had finished reheating. You grabbed the plate and set it on the counter next to Joel, taking a fork from your drawer and setting it down. As you were going to walk away, Joel grabbed your wrist and pulled you flush into him. You let out a quiet gasp and stared up at him, both hands moving to rest on his chest.

“Joel,” you whispered.

“What are you not telling me?” he replied, voice quiet. Joel’s face was inches away from yours, lips dangerously close.

Just as you were about to say something, his phone started ringing, which prompted you to pull away before you did something that would be difficult to come back from. Joel was seeing someone and you were so close to kissing him; you didn’t want it to happen this way.

Joel cursed under his breath and pulled away from you to see an unknown number on his phone. He excused himself and went to answer it, but all he could think about was how close your lips were to his and how badly he wanted to just kiss you.

“Tommy?”

“Hey,” he said. “Can you come pick me up?”

“Where at?”

“Jail,” Tommy replied.

“What in the hell, Tommy?”

“Can you save the lecture for a later time?”

“Which jail?” Joel’s jaw tightened; the moment he looked up at you, though, he saw the concern written all over your face. He wanted to spend the rest of the day with you, to slowly build up the courage to tell you how he really felt, but it always seemed like life got in the way.

“I’ll be there soon,” Joel finally said. He didn’t bother to wait for Tommy’s response before he hung up the phone. He ran a hand over his face and let out an exasperated sigh; he knew that Tommy had his troubles, but being the big brother Joel was, he always bailed him out. Joel was always there for him.

“Hey, darlin’,” Joel sighed. “Can we take a raincheck on this?”

“Is everything okay?”

He shrugged. “Tommy’s in jail and I gotta go bail him out.”

“What happened?” you asked, eyes wide. “Is he okay? Is anyone hurt?”

“I ain’t too sure.” Then, Joel felt all his anger dissipate when he felt you reach out to rest a hand on his chest. The past three years had been difficult on him, but one simple look, one simple touch from you gave him the comfort and relief he didn’t realize he needed.

“It’ll be okay,” you said reassuringly. “And if you need anything, call me, okay? I don’t mind watching Sarah while you get this handled.”

Joel bit his lower lip. “Can you–” he sighed. “Can you actually do that for me? Watch Sarah, I mean.”

“Of course, whatever you need.”

“I’ll pick her up and drop her off here before heading to pick up Tommy. He can sit there a little while longer.”

Before you could respond, Joel wrapped his arms around you in a tight embrace, burying his face against the side of your neck as he held you against him. You bit your lower lip and moved your arms to wrap around his shoulders, leaning your head against his as you shut your eyes. You wanted to whisper in his ear and tell him that you loved him, that you’d be here when he got back…

But instead, you pulled away and looked up at him. “I’ll see you in a bit then, cowboy.”

Joel’s lips lifted slightly and he gently gave you a kiss on your forehead. “See you soon, darlin’.”

—

You and Sarah were sitting on your couch, watching a romantic comedy as she gushed about this boy she had a crush on. It made you smile (and a bit emotional) to see her like this; you knew she was getting to that age where boys her age had caught her interest – after all, she was a preteen now.

“Can I ask you a question?” Sarah asked, turning to face you.

“What’s up?”

“And can you answer honestly? I promise that nothing will leave this room.”

You furrowed a brow. “Okay, you got me worried. Just ask the question, sweet girl.”

Sarah sighed. “Did you ever– I mean, do you–” she bit her lower lip nervously. “Have you ever had feelings for my dad?”

Your eyes slightly widened. After all these years, you thought you managed to keep your feelings for Joel to yourself, hoping and praying that no one would notice. You didn’t know how to answer; part of you wanted to tell someone how you felt about him, but you didn’t want that someone to be his daughter.

But you knew Sarah would be persistent. And you knew that this young girl was too smart for her own good and if you lied, you knew that she would be able to tell right away.

Though, what you didn’t know was that this same young girl knew just exactly how Joel felt. While Joel was seeing someone (for how long, you weren’t sure), Sarah wasn’t much of a fan. In her eyes, there was only one woman for her dad and she was staring right at her.

“Sarah,” you finally replied. “I don’t think–”

“I promise I won’t say anything.”

“It’s complicated,” you admitted. “It isn’t as easy as me telling you how I feel about your dad.”

“But it is…”

“Sarah,” you warned with a sigh. “Your dad is seeing someone right now and I don’t think it’s fair if I–”

“But he doesn’t even like her, I don’t think,” Sarah pointed out.

“I don’t think that’s true at all.”

“He doesn’t light up when he’s around her… Not like how he lights up whenever he’s around you.”

“We’re best friends, Sarah, and he’s told me that this woman… It’s still new. Give it time.”

Sarah sighed. “She isn’t you.”

“Sarah,” you pulled her to your side and looked down at her, seeing her big, brown eyes staring up at you with a slight concern in her features. “You and your dad mean the world to me. I know the past few years have been tough, but–”

“I know you love him,” she interrupted. “Whether or not you admit it out loud, I know you do.”

You narrowed your eyes and gently tapped the tip of her nose. “You watch too many romance movies.”

She rolled her eyes and leaned further into you. “I think you and my dad should just get it over with and kiss each other already.” Then, she turned her attention back to the movie, giving you time to just reflect on the conversation you had with her.

Your arm remained around her shoulders and as the movie went on, you heard her quiet snores. You smiled to yourself and grabbed one of your throw blankets to cover her with it, seeing her move away from you to lie down on the couch with her head on your lap.

Your mind then drifted to Joel. The fact that Sarah wanted the both of you and Joel to get together seemed like something you didn’t realize you needed: a confirmation from Sarah that she was fine with you dating her dad. All these years, you had been hesitant to admit your feelings to Joel because you were afraid of not only losing him, but also losing Sarah. You didn’t want a potential relationship to cause a rift between you and Sarah, or Sarah and Joel, but now that you knew that Sarah was more than okay with you and Joel getting together, it gave you hope.

It gave you a bit of courage.

Maybe, just maybe you would finally tell Joel how you felt.

—

A few hours later, you had put on another movie while Sarah remained asleep on the couch. By this time, you were just downstairs at your coffee shop, making yourself a cup of coffee when you saw Joel round the corner to knock on your door. You walked over to him and led him inside, noticing the tiredness in his features.

“Need your usual?” you asked, locking the door behind him.

“I wanna say yes, but it’s pretty late and I still gotta get Sarah home–”

“Just spend the night. She’s already asleep upstairs.”

“You’ve done enough already, darlin’, and I don’t wanna impose.”

“You won’t,” you smiled. “Besides, I’m offering.”

“But–”

“I’m not taking no for an answer.”

Joel chuckled. “Then it looks like we’re spending the night, but we’ll be out of your hair tomorrow morning.”

You sighed and rested a hand on his chest, biting your lower lip. In the back of your mind, all you could hear was Sarah’s words.

I think you and my dad should just get it over with and kiss each other already.

“You act like you’re a burden on me,” you teased.

Joel stepped closer to you and bit his lower lip. He saw a few strands fall in front of your face and he lifted a hand to tuck them behind your ear, feeling you lean against his touch. He had a stressful afternoon, but all he wanted to do was get back home to you and Sarah. It made Joel start daydreaming again about the possibilities of coming home to you every day.

“I just know that you’re busy and–”

“Joel,” you interrupted. “I care about you and Sarah. Whatever you both need, I’m always here.”

“Why are you so good to us? To me? After all that I put you through…” Joel sighed. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Joel, you know I don’t blame you for that.”

“But I blame myself,” he admitted. “I was miserable without you.”

“Me too,” you replied honestly. “I missed you, a lot.”

Joel’s hand remained light on your cheek, thumb brushing against your jawline as his eyes darted between your eyes and your lips. He thought that having boundaries and keeping his distance was going to help him get over you, but now that he was standing in front of you, Joel realized that he would never be able to just get over you.

The amount of love he had for you scared him – sometimes, the love would become just so overwhelming that he didn’t know what to do with it. It filled his entire being, screaming for its way out, to express his feelings to the one person that mattered most to him: you.

“You,” he whispered quietly. “You’re somethin’ else, y’know that?” Joel knew exactly what he wanted to do, wanted to say, but he didn’t want to do it this way, he didn’t want to cross that boundary while he was seeing someone.

“Let’s get you upstairs, okay?” you replied, pulling away from him and grabbing your cup of coffee. You led him upstairs and when you opened the door, Joel let out a quiet chuckle behind you when he saw his babygirl lying on the couch, her snores filling the living room.

“She only snores like this when she’s really comfortable,” he pointed out, removing his boots.

“Well, she’s snoring pretty loudly then,” you giggled. “Come on, let me get you the air mattress.”

Joel followed you down the hall to your bedroom, watching you set your mug down. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you – it was an effect you had on him. Whenever you were around, everything and everyone around you seemed to disappear and all Joel could concentrate on was you. Even now, as you stumbled and tripped over your own feet, Joel caught you instantly, arms wrapping around your waist.

“Clumsy–

“Little thing,” you interrupted.

Joel smiled, looking into your eyes. “I really wanna do somethin’ that I think I might regret later,” he admitted.

You bit your lower lip, dropping the air mattress to the side as you looked up at him. “I really want to do something too, but I’m scared it’s going to change everything,” you replied honestly.

“I promise it won’t,” he whispered.

“But what if it does?”

“It won’t,” he reassured. Joel moved one hand to your cheek again, stepping closer until the front of your bodies pressed against one another.

“Joel,” you whispered, parting your lips when you felt his thumb brush against your lower one. “If I lean in and kiss you, will you pull away like you did all those years ago?” you teased, asking hesitantly.

Joel let a small smirk line his lips, shaking his head. He knew that there would be consequences for what was about to happen next, but all he could think about was how your lips would feel against his. “That’s been my biggest regret… And it’s been somethin’ that I’ve thought about all these years.”

“Really?” you whispered, feeling his breath against your lips.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you since the first night we met,” he admitted.

At this point, you didn’t care about the consequences. You didn’t care that he was seeing someone. All you cared about, all you wanted, was him.

“Well, kiss me then, cowboy. I’ve waited five years, don’t make me wait anymore.”

Joel grinned and leaned in, his lips finally pressing against yours.

—

prev. - next.

—

taglist: @casa-boiardi || @veryprairieberry

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pagesfromthevoid · 1 year

Text

Safe & Sound | j.m. | 5

Joel Miler x fem!reader

Word Count:

Warnings: Canon violence. Reader is Frank’s niece.

Author’s Note: A tiny bit of a filler chapter but don’t worry next chapter we’re gonna get some proper bonding with Joel and her

Series Masterlist | Talk to Me!

“Joel,” she practically hissed, keeping her hands in the air. A young boy held a gun above her, hands far steadier than anyone his age should be.

Ellie’s voice was trembling as she did the same thing. A gun was pointed at her head. “Joel, wake up.”

She hesitated a moment, glancing up at the young man that held the gun against Ellie’s temple. Then she stretched out just barely, kicking Joel in the shoulder pretty aggressively. He groaned a bit but shot up, looking at her in frustration –no doubt about to snap at her. But the combination of her wide eyes and the gun against Ellie’s head stopped him short.

The young man motioned for Joel to stay calm, as if that wasn’t the dumbest notion possible. The little boy put his finger to his lips, telling them to be quiet.

“Eyes on me, I’m not your enemy,” the young man finally said, looking between the three of them. “We don’t wanna have to hurt you. We wanna help you.”

Joel glanced between her and Ellie, before nodding once. “Okay.”

“Okay,” the young man repeated, looking at the boy once more before hesitating. “I don’t…I don’t really know what the next step is here. If I…If I lower my gun, we didn’t hurt you. So you don’t hurt us. Right?”

Joel’s eyes flashed again between her and Ellie, before he nodded once. “That’s right.”

The young man didn’t seem convinced, stepping closer to Ellie. “That’s a weird fucking tone man –,”

“No, no, that’s just how he sounds,” Ellie pleaded, closing her eyes as the gun grazed the back of her head.

“Seriously, he just sounds like an asshole all the time,” she offered as reassurance. “Joel, tell them he’s fine. It’s okay.”

Joel glared at her from his spot on the makeshift bed, breathing hard as he returned his attention to the young man. “Everything is great.”

“Joel, what the fuck –,” Ellie groaned.

“Okay, fine,” the young man decided, looking at the little boy now. “I’m gonna trust you. But you try anything and I shoot, you hear me?”

They all nodded, watching as he motioned to the little boy. Their hands moved quickly, and she recognized the motions as sign language. The child slowly stepped away from her, but the gun stayed fixed on her.

“Can I sit up?” Joel asked slowly, eyes darting between her and Ellie.

“Yeah. Slow. Do it slowly.”

With the guns lowered and out of their faces, Joel slowly sat up. The little boy pointed his gun at Joel, watching him closely as he sat up with his hands in the air. She let out a breath, slowly sitting up properly herself.

“Who are you?” Joel asked, looking up at the young man as he slowly lowered his gun.

“My name is Henry,” he explained, a wry smile coming to his face. “That’s my brother Sam. And I am…the most wanted man in Kansas City.”

“I think we’re running a close second,” she mumbled, reaching out to take Ellie and pull her back into her side.

“Yeah…yeah, I think you are.”

*****

By the following morning, after finding themselves fed and relatively well rested, Henry, Joel and her stood at the edge of the window of the skyscraper. As they stood at the window, taking in the view of the city, she couldn't help but feel a sense of unease. The city looked deserted, with hardly any signs of life or activity. There were no cars on the streets, no people walking around, and no signs of any kind of authority or law enforcement.

Her eyes darted around, taking in the details of the cityscape. She noticed the dead ends, the empty streets that led nowhere, and the buildings that had been reduced to rubble. It was clear that the city had been through hell, and the lack of government presence only added to the sense of chaos and uncertainty.

“There’s no FEDRA,” she pointed out, looking up at Joel. He was tracing the streets with his eyes, trying to map their way out of there.

“Not as of ten days ago,” Henry confirmed, glancing over at her now. She met his eyes, frowning deeply. “Welcome to Killer City. You spend twenty years ruining and murdering people –you know what happens?”

“They revolt,” Joel answered, crossing his arms over his chest. He looked at Henry now, eyes narrowed. “But you’re not FEDRA.”

“No,” Henry said. But there was a hesitation in his voice. She stepped towards Henry, trying to hear him better as he whispered. That feeling of unease started to creep further into her stomach and chest. “I’m worse –I’m a collaborator.”

Almost immediately, Joel pulled back. His fingers, quick and hard, grabbed the back of her jacket to pull her with him and away from Henry. “No way. I don’t work with rats.”

“Yes you fucking do,” Henry snapped, pointing at them. “Today you fucking do. I know this city –you don’t. You want out? I’m your only way.”

Joel’s grasp on her jacket slackened, but his touch on her back didn’t move. She glanced up at Joel for a moment, but turned her attention back to Henry as Sam suddenly started to giggle. Their attention turned to the two kids, and the tension in the room started to melt away. Henry looked down for a few moments, before looking to his little brother and Ellie. The two sat at the table, passing Sam’s writing pad back and forth as they spoke. Sam’s smile was enough for her to know that –regardless of what Henry had done in the past –whatever Henry did was for the little boy.

“How are we getting out then?” She finally settled on asking, looking between Henry and Joel. Her gaze settled on Joel. “Because we need to get out of here. I didn’t leave the safety of that stupid fence to die in Kansas.”

“You’re not gonna die in Kansas,” Joel corrected harshly, rolling his eyes at her.

She knew he was right; she shouldn't be thinking like this, but the unease that was consuming her was slowly turning into panic. It was overwhelming. The words escaped her lips before she could stop them, imagining the worst-case scenario.

“Oh yeah, with my luck, you’ll drag my body just outside the city and I’ll die there –,”

“Can you fuckin’ not right now?” He snapped at her, giving her a nasty look as his hand moved from her back to grab her arm, yanking her aside to scold her quietly. Joel's grip on her arm startled her as he yanked her aside to scold her. Her heart raced, and her palms grew clammy. Joel's voice was barely a whisper as he spoke to her, his grip on her arm barely tightening. His words were reassuring, but the fear still lingered within her. “I need you to stop,” he said, his grip on her tightening just barely. “You’re not gonna die –not here, not outside the city. D’you understand me?”

They stood in silence, facing each other as the tension in the air grew thicker by the second. His piercing gaze bore into her, unflinching and determined as he searched for any signs of defiance. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she tried to hold his gaze, but the intensity of his stare was almost too much to bear. Instead of arguing back, she swallowed hard and nodded once, the gesture conveying her acquiescence.

For a moment, the only sound was the sound of their breathing as they remained locked in their standoff. Finally, he stepped back, breaking eye contact and turning away from her and back to Henry.

“How are we gettin’ outta here?” Joel asked Henry now, his attention focused on the young man in front of them now.

“You’ll probably hate it, but…tunnels,” Henry offered, motioning over to the table.

Henry was right: Joel did hate the idea of the tunnels.

But it was their only hope.

*****

“This is actually the most terrifying place I’ve ever seen, and my mom took me to see House of 1000 Corpses opening night,” she commented, looking over the drawings all over the walls of the tunnels.

“What’s that?” Ellie asked, walking ahead of them with Sam.

“Horror movie,” Joel explained, though he was looking at the young woman next to him in concern. “I feel like that explains a lot about ya.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” She demanded, stopping short to stare at him with offense. But Henry and Joel kept walking, leaving her behind for a few seconds before she quickly caught back up. “Joel, what the –,”

“Holy shit, look at this!” Ellie exclaimed suddenly as Sam and her ran ahead of them.

The three adults looked at each other before hurrying after the two –only to stop in their tracks. The room around them looked like a makeshift daycare, with small tables set up with toys and what was once coloring pages. The walls were similar to the ones in the tunnels, but the ones around them were intensely drawn, covering every wall around them. Joel watched her closely; watched as her fingers traced over some of the pictures, taking in the last moments that he was certain she was imagining before hell had broken loose for whoever was down here.

“We should stay here for the night; get some rest,” Henry offered as Ellie and Sam started to play with the toys that had been left behind.

Joel opened his mouth to argue, but she put her hand on his arm, looking up at him with soft but wary eyes. “There’s not much we can do tonight anyway. Maybe we should just let them…,” she trailed off, and Joel followed her gaze to Ellie and Sam, who had found an old soccer ball. “Be kids for a little while?”

His gaze was hard, watching the two children for several moments before he finally huffed and sat down at the table there. She gave Henry a reassuring smile and followed Joel’s lead, sitting beside him and leaning back in her chair with a soft sigh. Henry gave them both a thankful smile, but didn’t join them –instead joining Sam and Ellie in their games on the other side of the room.

Joel watched her as she watched the three, taking in the softness that had replaced the fear and caution that filled the lines of her face the last several days. Something about the way she was able to return to that softness, even after the last two days and what was happening, pulled at his heartstrings. He knew better; he should have known better than to let her affect him like this. But between her and Ellie…Joel was afraid that he might be getting himself into trouble.

But he couldn’t stop himself. The way she looked at him the other night, when she told him she needed him –it crumbled that wall he had put up between them years ago.

———————————————————————————

“I…I don’t think we should keep doing this,” she murmured against his lips, just as he pulled back from her.

They stood in the kitchen of her home in Lincoln. Bill was fixing the generator out back, while Tess and Frank were in town. Joel had waited for her to kiss him first, afraid of pushing her too far after what happened outside the fence months ago. He’d never tell her, but what he did to that piece of shit FEDRA agent –he did more for her than for himself or Bill.

Over the last few years —through the stolen kisses and lingering touches —Joel could pretend things were normal. There in her kitchen, with clean water that ran and dishes in the sink and a hot meal on the table, he could pretend these kisses were domestic bliss and all his. That she was all his, and this was their life.

It was such a dangerous thought —one that he told her not to have; yet here he was, having it himself.

She wasn’t his, though. This wasn’t his life. Things weren’t normal, or domestic. And now, she was telling him she didn’t want him —this —anymore.

But her lips lingered just above his, and her voice was shaking as he dropped his hands from her hair. They sat limp at his sides, and her breath was coming out in rapid puffs as he pulled back from her. Tears were in her eyes, threatening to spill over her cheeks as she stepped away from him and hugged herself tightly.

“I don’t –it’s not you –I just –,”

“I get it,” he responded, though his tone was unnecessarily harsh. “I get it, darlin’, I do.”

“It’s just…Joel, after wh-what happened –,”

“You don’t need to explain yourself.” He held his hand up, shaking his head. “This wasn’t anything, remember? Just a favor.”

But he wasn’t really telling her that; he was telling himself that. This was more than a favor; it had been in a long time since it was.

———

Taglist (OPEN): @aheadfullofsteverogers @jasminedragoon @buzzing-honeybee @garbo-lesbo @pedr0swh0r3 @boofy1998 @taraiel @mymindfuckery @starkleila @crazyunsexycool

#joel miller x reader #Joel Miller #joel miller imagine #joel miller fic #joel miller the last of us #the last of us #joel miller tlou

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joelslastofus · 2 years

Text

[SUMMARY: Joel secretly sleeps with Maria's younger sister after finding his brother Tommy. Tommy and Maria warn you not to get too close with Joel knowing how cold he can be.]

Being stared down by Joel as he fucked you in the closet had that effect on you.

TW: anxiety attacks, Age difference

Smut

Joel and Liz

Maria had told you Tommy had finally found his brother. You had yet to meet him and had never really heard much about him. Anything spoken of Tommy's brother seemed secretive between him and Maria and so you left it alone. Providing reading classes for the kids at that community was what kept you busy, you had no family, but Tommy and Maria were as close as that.

Maria figured Tommy had taken his brother somewhere that he could have a meal. She told you she would introduce you to his brother and explained he had a young girl with him who you could take for a reading class while the men settled their situation.

Walking to a table you saw Tommy across from an older looking man, he was handsome, rugged and he looked hungry not taking his eyes off his plate.

"Hey, Joel..Ellie," Maria spoke in a welcoming tone.

"This is my sister Liz," the man looked up at you, locking eyes for a moment. Tommy instantly noticing the way he looked at you, he knew that look very well. Joel was attracted to you, a simple glance showed him this. Tommy was like an over protective brother of yours, he knew all the pain you endured and you had just started to feel more in control of yourself again.

"She great with the kids." Tommy spoke trying to distract Joel's eyes from you.

"She's been with us for some time now, she's family." Tommy's words making Joel turn to him. He knew what his brother meant.

"Nice to meet you both," you smiled at them.

"Ellie was it? You should come join my reading class, it's going to start in a bit-"

"I already know how to read," Ellie mumbled looking down at her food.

"Ellie, mind your manners." Joel turned to her correcting her.

"Go on, some reading can do you some good. I'll be right here." Ellie sighed as she got up and walked toward you. Trying to welcome her with a smile Joel cleared his throat making her look back at him. With just a look she got the message and turned back to you with a forced smile. Maria leaving the room with you and Ellie, neither of you noticed Joel catching a subtle glance at the sway of your hips walking away.

"Don't even think about it," Tommy muttered making Joel look at him.

"That's Maria's sister-"

"Relax, I ain't looking for nothing. I got more important things on my mind." Joel knew he wasn't being completely honest. He wasn't looking for anything but he couldn't deny that you caught his attention.

"Besides, last time I checked you're the trouble maker, but I guess since ya made it big here you know everything now, don't ya?" Joel looked at him directly across the table as Tommy pressed his lips together. Many things had changed his Joel lost his daughter, he became more cold, distant and he was never himself again..

You noticed during the class Ellie didn't seem interested to read anything. It was easy to tell she was a young girl who has been through a lot of trauma.

"If you really don't want to read you don't have to." You spoke softly beside her making her look over at you. She didn't respond yet somehow looked comforted that you didn't force her to do something she didn't want to.

Later after the class Maria took Ellie to have a snack. You organized all the books in a box before looking up and realizing Joel was at the doorway.

"Oh hi," you smiled as he seemed hesitant about stepping inside.

"Ellie just left with Maria to get something to eat,"

"How'd she behave?" He asked as you picked up the box and walked towards the shelf.

"She did good-crap" you tip toed trying to reach the empty spot at the top almost dropping the box. Joel quickly walked inside and caught it standing right behind you.

"Sorry, a lot heavier than I thought." You chuckled as you both placed the box steady on the shelf. Distracted in trying to get it in place you hadn't realized just how close he was to you until you turned around. Once again the two of you locking eyes in a way that seemed to hypnotize the both of you. You couldn't explain what you were feeling whenever he looked at you but it made your heart skip a beat.

"Everything alright?" Maria's voice made you both quickly back away from each other, you turned to the shelf finding something to move around.

"Uh, yes. Just putting supplies away." You responded anxiously as Joel stared at Maria in silence before leaving the room. Once he left you turned to Maria who you found with her arms crossed and a raised brow.

"What was Joel saying to you?"

"Nothing? He was just helping me put some stuff away." You explained with a confused expression.

"Listen Liz, you don't know Joel. He's not a bad man but-"

"You don't know him either, Maria."

"I know what Tommy has told me." She responded bluntly.

"Nothings going to happen with us, you can give Tommy my word." You assured her, after all it wasn't on your mind at all.

"It's just...he's been through a lot and you've come a long way. We're just looking out for you." She insisted before leaving the room. Your sister of all people knew how sensitive you could be and considering the things she heard about Joel, she felt he wasn't the best for you to have any interest with.

Joel watched as Ellie met a friend, another young girl as he stood afar. She looked happy for the first time in months..Joel found himself almost smiling before his brother appeared beside him.

"Is your girlfriend done warning Liz about me?" Joel asked bluntly staring straight ahead. His question making his brother turn to him confused.

"What exactly have you told Maria about me? Seems everyone knows me more than I do." Joel crossed his arms.

"Just promise me while you're here Liz is off limits." Joel didn't say a word and instead gave him a silent nod as he looked away.

The next morning Joel stood alone outside in the cold. It was just before sunrise as he took advantage of the silence and began to think. It wasn't something he liked to do, if anything he did his best to avoid it but things were complicated. Getting deep into his thoughts about Ellie he felt his heart begin to race, what if he didn't make it? What if Ellie didn't make it? He felt weak, he felt like a failure, Sarah's face coming to mind, his chest began to feel tight.

"Joel?" Your voice echoed in the background as he leaned on the wall feeling cold sweats creep up on him. His hand on his chest, he didn't look too good.

"Joel you ok?" You rushed beside him seeing how pale he was before he finally looked up at you, with eyes with a desperate call for help.

"Let me get Tommy," just as you turned to run off he grabbed your wrist stopping you.

"No-" he struggled to speak as he pushed his body back up straight, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment before taking a deep breath and released your arm.

"Are you alright?" You tilted your head taking a step closer to him.

"Maybe we should get you to your room," you gently placed your hands on his arm and walked with him leading the way. Looking behind you hoping Tommy or Maria would be close by you sighed as you entered his room with him.

"Are you sure you're ok?" You asked as he walked inside.

"I'm fine, Ellie still asleep?" Joel asked as he leaned on the small table.

"Yes, she's in the room with a few other kids. She's fine." You assured him as you stepped closer beside him.

"Joel?" You whispered before he looked over at you.

"I'm fine." He responded stubbornly and looked away.

"I think we should call Tommy just incase-"

"I told you no," he spoke a little louder than he meant to and sighed.

"I just needed a minute." He stood up straight adjusting his jacket as you stood aside in silence.

"Well, I think I'll go now..if you're ok." Joel was serious as he looked over at you.

"Do I look like I need any help?" Joel's rude response caught you a bit by surprise, but then again you didn't know this man.

"No. I just meant- just forget it. If you need anything or whatever, you know where to find us." You walked out without giving him a chance to respond. Joel closed his eyes disappointed in himself, he didn't mean to react the way he did. He wasn't a man of much explanation, especially when it had to do with his daughter. He wasn't a man that was used to feeling as weak as he felt now. Maybe after all, Maria and Tommy were right about him you thought to yourself.

The next day you had just finished a class and was happy to see Ellie was more involved after making a friend. The group moved onto lunch as you began to put the books away not noticing Joel had stood by doorway. He silently watched for a moment, observing your features, your full lips and long curly hair. You were a beautiful woman that seemed so genuinely concerned for him the night before. You seemed much different than the women he had come across, he found himself thinking a lot about you after you left the room, as much as he tried to stop himself. Clearing his throat he caught your attention making you look up.

"Oh, it's you." You responded dryly as you looked back down. He expected that response before slowly walking inside and closing the door behind him.

"How'd Ellie do today?"

"Oh she did much better, she's making friends. I guess that's what happens when you're nice to people." You spoke with sarcasm.

"Look, about this morning I didn't mean to be a dick."

"Well I'm glad we can both agree that you were a dick," you looked up at him and took a deep breath.

"Ok, fair." He watched as you delicately placed each book neatly in the box, once again stepping closer to you making you look up.

"Is there anything I can help you with? That is if you need any help of course." You squinted your eyes at him, he couldn't help but smirk at your response.

"Alright I get it, I was an asshole."

"Hm." You raised a brow before walking around the table until he purposely blocked your way.

"Excuse me." You looked up directly at him but he didn't move. Instead he grabbed the box out of your hand and took it to the shelf.

"I can do that-" you quickly walked up behind him as he placed the box down, not expecting him to turn back to you and be so close, you lost your balance taking a step back. Joel's hand quickly wrapped around your waist pulling you toward him. In that moment you froze, not realizing you held on to him, your eyes softened looking up at him, catching him looking at your lips.

"Joel-" you whispered but before you knew it he unexpectedly leaned in and kissed you. His hands quickly pulled you in closer to him, your arms wrapping around his neck you kissed him back eagerly. His lips trailing down to the side of your neck you moaned softly holding him close. This wasn't what you were suppose to be doing, hell he promised Tommy he wouldn't, but neither of you cared. He continued to kiss your neck and slowly moved down until he pulled your tank top low enough to reveal your breast.

"What are you doing..." your words trailed off as you felt his lips closing around your nipple. You felt him flick his tongue around it as you dug your fingers into his thick hair. Soon you felt him tugging at your pants starting to pull them down.

"Joel" you whispered looking back at the door. No one seemed to be around as he pulled them off in one shot.

"What if Tommy-" he stood back up interrupting your question with his lips. Without you realizing he led you into the big walk in closet inside the room and closed the door. The sound of the door closing making your eyes open, slightly pushing him back.

"I can't, I promised Tommy." You whispered noticing he wouldn't take his eyes off your lips.

"So did I," his eyes reaching yours.

"I know but-"

"You let me worry about my brother." He continued to kiss you before turning you around.

"Joel...I haven't done this in a while," you whispered nervously. It was true, it had been years, yet somehow you felt comfort with Joel like you hadn't felt before.

"Then I'll just have to guide you through it." He kissed the side of your neck. Excitement rushing through you as you heard the sound of his belt unbuckle, throwing his shirt to the ground he pulled you back to him. Was this really happening with a man you barely knew? Nothing seemed to matter at this point in time. The feel of his skin against yours sending shivers up your spine. His hands grabbing your waist as he adjusted himself behind you. The head of his cock poking at your opening, he knew you'd be tight.

"Easy...open your legs for me first baby.." you felt his hand slide in front between your thighs. His fingers slowly parting your lips before he began to play with your clit.

"Get you nice and ready for me," he whispered in a voice that made you rest your head back against him. He moved his finger in a circular motion on your clit, slowly making you more aroused.

"That feel good, baby?" He continued slowly as you moaned.

"Mhm.." Feeling your body relax against him, he knew you were ready. Sliding his finger down your slit he felt how wet you quickly became.

"Oh yeah.." he moaned against you as he pulled his hand away. You felt the head of his cock begin to poke at your opening again, he teased you sliding the tip in and out before thrusting fully inside you. Gasping loudly you stood still feeling the fullness of him inside. You couldn't remember the last time you had a man touch you this way, your hands against the wall you moaned as he thrusted into you. He panted watching your ass bounce off him as he grabbed a chunk of your hair and tugged hard at it. You screamed as your head was pulled back, another tug making you moan which only excited him more until you both suddenly heard someone walk in the room.

"Liz?" You gasped before Joel's hand quickly covered your mouth.

It was Maria.

"Shh" Joel whispered against your ear as he continued to fuck you.

"I can't find Liz or Joel anywhere."

"Maybe they're with Ellie." Tommy's voice appeared making you panic. Joel pulled your body back against him tightly, his hand still covering your lips while the other squeezed your breast. He kissed the side of your neck, his movement was passionately aggressive and you loved it. Joel made you feel wanted. He didn't stop even with his brother just outside the door, each thrust only bringing you closer to an orgasm. A muffled whimper escaping your lips making Joel tighten his hand on your mouth, he felt your body weaken against him.

"What was that?" Tommy looked back with a raised brow. You squeezed your eyes shut and Joel slowed down.

"Shh...nice and easy.." he whispered in an hoarse voice against your ear. Slowly he turned you around and carefully carried you up on a stool by the wall. Sliding himself back inside you he hissed with his hands holding your legs up. Each stroke hitting new waves of pleasure like you had never felt before as you held yourself up.

Once again the sensation in the pit of your stomach slowly building up, you could feel yourself about to cum.

"Joel-" you whispered anxiously feeling the intensity building up.

"Did you check the other room?" Tommy's question made your eyes widen as you looked at the door. Joel noticed your panic and grabbed your face turning it to him.

"Look at me." He whispered roughly, his dark eyes staring deep into yours. You could hear Maria speak in the background but you were no longer paying attention to what was being said. Being stared down by Joel as he fucked you in the closet had that effect on you. He moved faster making you pant, his fingers pressing into your cheeks as he looked down and watched himself slide in and out of you before he looked up.

"Cum for me," his low raspy voice demanded and without control your body arched, your eyes rolled back, your lips parting but before you could scream he planted his lips on yours and felt you tighten up around him. Joel muffled your moans continuing to thrust, putting your arms around him you dug your nails into his back.

"Oh f-" Joel choked out against your lips catching you off guard.

"What?" You whispered quickly just as he pushed himself against you one last time and stood still. He groaned low against your ear as you gasped realizing he never pulled out.

"Let's go see if they're with Ellie," Tommy spoke before you heard them both walk out and the door close. Joel still against you, inside you as you breathed in relief.

"Joel..did you just-" before you could finish he pulled away and turned his back to you as he began to clean himself up and get dressed. A sinking feeling in Joel's chest, he couldn't bare to look you in the eyes. The man had barely known you yet somehow felt some kind of attachment to you that somehow deepened when he swore he wouldn't allow it. You were younger than him, a-lot nicer than he was...too nice for him. Pushing yourself off the stool you felt confused as you quietly got yourself dressed. Joel zipped up his pants as you slowly walked towards him and placed your hand on his arm.

"Joel?" He turned to you with furrowed brows and took a deep breath.

"This was a mistake," he blurt out leaving you confused.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"You heard me," he walked around you to grab his jacket and walked out the closet.

"Where are you going? Joel wait-" he turned back to you with intense eyes.

"Look, this was not suppose to happen. I ain't the man for this." He spoke low yet sternly.

"But-"

"But nothing, I leave tomorrow with Ellie and you can forget this happened. Whatever your sister said about me was right." With those last words Joel walked out of the room leaving you in shock and confusion. Tears building up in your eyes you threw the books to the floor, how stupid could you be to have trusted him.

If you have any ideas for a part 2 let me know! Thank you

#joel miller fanfiction #pedro pascal #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #tlou fanfiction #joel miller x oc #joel miller x ofc #joel miller fan fic #joel miller imagine #fan fic smut

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always-andromeda · 2 years

Note

Okay. Meda I’m sorry. This is going to be verrrrry vague. But I want to read something you write about TLOU because you love it so much and I wasn’t sure how many requests you’d get for it for this event, so here’s one!! This’ll be your wild card for any TLOU character + any of those prompts you want 🃏💕 (or you can do a number randomizer and have it pick for you) Go craaaaazy with it!! -🌟

– 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐚𝐧 𝐃𝐨

𝐉𝐨𝐞𝐥 𝐌𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: so. I went with White Chocolate Truffle (a fluff blurb) for Joel. and if we're going self indulgent, I figured I'd go all out on it. strap in friends, prepare for a reader that might as well be me and yes the title references a song from Waitress because my lovely Sophia said it reminded her of me and goddamnit it made me so soft. so really, this isn't my fault if we all think about it. 😌

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: pre-outbreak Joel, 100% self indulgent fluff, nothing else I can think of!

"Where did these come from?" Joel found himself staring at a Tupperware container full of muffins, the tops all golden and speckled with various mix-ins.

Sarah, with a knowing glint in her hazel eyes, giggled, "Who do you think?"

Joel sighed before picking up what looked like a blueberry one and taking a bite out of the top. The crumb was perfectly moist, the tart blueberries evenly distributed, and he savored the light but buttery taste. He almost hated to admit it, but you'd done it again. You'd managed to make a batch of something that he'd inevitably crave every single morning with his black coffee.

The voice of his daughter brought him back. "When are you gonna marry her already?"

Joel nearly choked on the muffin. "Marry?"

"Yeah, then she can make us cakes and cookies every single day," she said like it was the most obvious answer in the world.

"Not exactly an ideal reason to get hitched, is it?"

"Well, there's that...and hey– new mom! That could be a perk," she joked.

"Don't hold your breath on it, babygirl," Joel chuckled.

For the rest of the week he thought about the gesture, as he did practically every week now. Like clockwork, you worked on some new recipe of yours every weekend. Then come Monday morning at the crack of dawn, you waltzed over from next-door, a batch of some sort of baked good in your arms. Finally, you would tell Joel that you hope he has a good week. And that you hoped that by the end of the week when he returned the Tupperware container, he'd let you know what he and Sarah thought about the food.

It had been months of this schedule. Of course it was just an act of kindness; just something you did when you moved into the neighborhood in order to make friends. But as soon as Sarah's suggestion entered his head, he couldn't let go of it. And, he realized...it wasn't like you were baking cookies for everyone in the neighborhood. No, you'd chosen to take time out of your life to feed the single father and his bubbly daughter from next-door.

And Joel – as silly as it felt – liked being special. A part of him liked knowing that the whole week, you were just waiting to hear what he thought about something you'd spent so much time on. It was small but it was nice being thought of in such a way.

Between Joel's midnight snacks, Tommy flitting in and out of the house to raid the fridge, and Sarah's school lunches, by the time Friday rolled around, all that remained of the muffins in that Tupperware container were crumbs.

So, after Sarah turned in for the night, Joel grabbed the container from the kitchen counter and made his way to your house next-door. After knocking on the door you invited him inside. Taking the Tupperware container from Joel, you stared at him eagerly.

"So, what did you think about the muffins?"

"Great," he said quickly. "They were great."

"That's all you have to say?" you asked.

Almost immediately, Joel became hesitant, not quite knowing what else to say. So he laughed sheepishly and added, "Well, I've long since abandoned my diet, if that helps at all."

Thankfully, you returned the joke with a giggle of your own, "Sorry."

"Oh, don't be." There was a beat of silence as you looked at each other. Joel's voice softened as he wondered, "You must be spending a fortune on sugar, butter, and flour to keep me fed. So why do it?"

"Am I not allowed to take care of my neighbor?" you shook your head, confused at his line of questioning.

"Depends on what kind of taking care of you mean." Joel's eyebrows lowered, indicating just what he meant.

You stepped towards him. "I want to take care of you the way one would care for someone...special."

Joel's gaze flickered to your lips, "Oh, I'm suddenly special, huh," he murmured, relishing in just how right he was.

You stood on your toes and placed a hand on his firm shoulder, permeating his personal bubble in a way that he wasn't opposed to. You were so close that you could smell the stale scent of sweat from his job. All he could smell was sweetness; vanilla extract, mixed with notes of brown butter and baking powder. And your tone is just as sweet when you reply breathily, "Joel, you've always been special to me," before dotting a chaste kiss on his cheek. Your lips are warm and soft, seemingly freshly baked like one of your treats.

Unusually but still unsurprisingly, the small action lights his face on fire. And almost as if he's high off the bakery fumes, Joel found himself leaning down. His eyes started to flutter closed and–

Then came that wretched vibration from his pocket. Joel pulled his cell phone from his pocket and without checking the number on the display, he answered annoyed, "What?"

"Where are you?" Sarah whined on the other end.

Joel stumbled for an answer, "I-I-I'm...out."

"Oh, great. While you're out can you grab me some tampons? My period just started aaaaand...I kind of need some."

Perfect timing, Joel thought to himself before agreeing. "I'll be back home in about ten minutes, alright?"

"Thank youuuu, you're the best dad in the whole world," Sarah said dramatically.

"Yeah, yeah, you got it, kiddo," Joel rolled his eyes before his daughter hung up. Then he sighed, closing the flip phone and putting it back in his jean pocket.

Having heard the girl’s muffled voice through the phone, you asked, "Period problems?"

"Yeah," he whispered. "I'm sorry, I gotta go."

You spoke suddenly, "I could whip up a batch of those dark chocolate brownies she liked and have them over by tomorrow afternoon." Then you paused, looking up at him for permission, "If you're alright with that, of course."

Joel's mouth quirked into a tired smile. You are really set on that taking care of me thing, aren't you?

"That would be great," he answered. "Thank you."

"No problem," you said, giving him another quick kiss afterwards. "Goodnight, Joel. See you tomorrow."He bid you goodnight with a sly wink, which earned a little laugh from you as you closed your door behind him. And the little sound, mixed with the lingering feeling of your soft lips on his cheek, have him shaking his head on the short walk home. Oh, what baking can do.

#chocolate box valentine event❣️#the last of us #the last of us hbo #tlou #tlou hbo #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fluff #˚ʚ meda writes ɞ˚

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im-akira · 1 year

Text

Joel Miller x F!Reader | 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒 | 🌿

Chapter 4 : The secret | Chapter 5 | Summary

Series Summary : Joel Miller is no longer the same man after losing his entire family, except his little brother. A few months later, after saving Ellie from the Fireflies. He now lives in a community of survivors with Ellie and her younger brother, Tommy.

He has only one goal, to ensure his own survival and that of those he loves. Until the day he crossed paths with a young woman and her son in the community. The young woman’s face was particularly familiar.

Are you and Joel strangers or are you a lot more than that ?

Warnings : Mature content angst, smut, romance, blood, violence...

Do not : Claim, Repost, Copy, or Translate my stories anywhere else.

Notes : Reference to certain scenes of the series and the game. If some things bother you, inconsistent in my story, do not hesitate to tell me this will allow me to improve ! 😊

I apologize in advance but English is not my mother tongue. 💙

~*.♪。★*・゜・＊♪*.♪。★*・゜・＊♪*.♪°~

- « Mom, are you okay ? You know I can stay here with you. I don't want to- » James suddenly stops talking after his mother puts her hand on his cheek. The glint reflected in his eyes shows that his decision had been made for some time.

- « Listen to me, my angel, you’ll be happy to change your mind. In today’s world, it’s hard to have that kind of moment, a moment of respite. I’ll figure it out on my own, don’t worry about me, okay ? » She closes after she takes her hand off her son’s cheek. His body hurt him, he shot from all sides, but Y/N doesn’t show it to his son.

Ever since Y/N had just met Joel, the truth had hit him in the face. She had told him straight in the eye that her husband was not dead, funny thing, he was right in front of her.

But nothing happened, neither wanted to say anything about it. Why pretend they are just strangers when they are just the opposite.

The truth hurt so much that neither Y/N nor Joel had the courage to fall into each other's arms. The years passed gave way to a distance they grew accustomed to, each protecting themselves in their own way.

Holding on to someone in this world, Joel and Y/N fully understood that it ended in pain and suffering. And neither of them wanted to relive that feeling.

Everyone had someone they could hang on to, Ellie for Joel and James for Y/N. It was their pillar and their two lights.

For the moment, James paid no attention to any of this. He was more concerned about this city, the people, the integration and doing his best to help. On Ellie's side, it was pretty much the same. She was learning to live a normal life.

Y/N also figured that Joel and Ellie would probably take care of James. He is no longer a child today but an adult, an adult who must fly away on his own.

James gets up and observes his exhausted mother in his bed, he no longer discusses and becomes aware of his words. Heart-bound, he barely leaves the room and takes the stairs one step at a time.

- « I trust him, I know he will be fine without me.» After his few words, exhausted by fever, Y/N falls asleep without much difficulty against his pillow.

James is in the living room preparing his things from right to left, he seems a little agitated. He looks at his guitar next to the TV. « Sorry, but today you stay here. Take care of my mother. »

This is the first time he will go outside without Y/N. Even at twenty-eight, James has always stayed with his mother. During all his years, he kept the promise he had made to his father and he will keep it until his death. On Joel's side...

- « So ? Do you really think it was her or did I make a mistake ? » Tommy asked looking at his brother sitting on the sofa across from him. The younger brother was not agitated at all, which was quite the opposite of Joel.

Joel puts a hand through his hair, then down into his beard, heaving a sigh from his lips. « Well, I would say you were right. » Joel watches his brother take a glass of whiskey and lean against the edge of a piece of furniture in his living room. « To sum up the situation, I had a great time talking to him about different things, including learning a bit more about his past. »

Ellie was not present with Joel in this discussion. She had an event to prepare with the other Jackson teenagers. She wasn't exactly excited about the idea, but Joel justified that he needed to have a private chat with his brother. He also assured her that she had nothing to worry about, that it was nothing serious.

Anyway, they will meet for the mission with James and Y/N this afternoon.

Tommy takes a sip. « Now that you know your wife and son are here, what are you going to do ? »

- « You may find me selfish, even absurd. But I wouldn't do anything. » He concludes by getting up from the sofa and walking towards his bag placed on the living room table. « I have something to do today, we'll postpone this discussion, okay ? »

Joel was still running away, reality and truth were so close to him that he didn't want to face it. Not at the moment anyway.

He didn't really give Tommy a choice to ask more questions. Both knew very well that this discussion was far from over. Joel didn't need to ask more about his brother's opinion, his look said a lot.

Tommy remains surprisingly calm despite the words he has just heard. He knows what Joel was playing. But he also knew very well that he wouldn't let go of him like that, especially after his answer to his question. « Do you go out with specific people where you used to go alone ? »

- « Yes, with Ellie, James and Y/N. Ellie needs to change her guitar strings, but since I used the latest materials for James' guitar, I have nothing left. We go to the old music store. » Joel quickly checks what's in his bag, to make sure he doesn't forget anything, always with his back to his brother.

- « Okay, i would have liked to accompany you but Maria wants me to welcome newcomers to the city. I also promised Thomas that I would help him on the buildings in the city. I guess that will be for next time. » Concludes Tommy by finishing his drink and then placing it on the cabinet in front of him. « Have a good trip and be careful, big brother. »

- « I won't be alone, Tommy. Ellie will be there and I'm sure James and his mother will be able to fight if things get worse. They managed to reach Jackson, so there is nothing to worry about. »

- « You know that in this world it's not the infected who are most to be feared, but come on, you have to go, I won't hold you back anymore. He finishes his words by finishing his glass through a large sip. »

Tommy crosses one foot in front of the other to join his brother and comes to put some blows on his back. « If it's her, your family. Reconnect with it and don't let go, okay ? Today having a family... It's an opportunity, a gift. »

Joel smiled slightly after receiving the pats from Tommy. He turns to him and takes him in his arms for a few seconds. « I'm not alone, little bro, I've got you, Ellie and Jackson. »

Tommy slowly slips out of Joel's arms and looks him up and down, letting out a light laugh. « Wow ! There is nothing to say, old age makes you more and more sentimental. Come on, enough talk. » Tommy leaves the living room, closing the door behind him, he leaves to join his wife to welcome the newcomers.

A few minutes later..

Ellie and James are already there, Y/N seems absent. Joel approaches the two teenagers and slightly relaxes his shoulders. « Hello to you two. Can't see your mum James, did she have a problem ? » He asked looking at the young man. Joel didn't show it directly in front of the youngsters but he was worried.

- « Yes, she fell ill recently. This morning she was stuck in bed with a fever, and she couldn't get up. So she asked me to tell you that she deeply apologizes for not being there. »

- « I see. Ellie and I will visit her when we get back from our little getaway to see how she is. » After finishing talking with James, Joel turns to Ellie, she seems completely lost in thought. She probably didn't pay attention to Joel's arrival. « Are you okay with that Ellie ? »

Ellie who has her arms crossed pays no attention to Joel's question.

James comes over and shakes her shoulder slightly to try to bring her back to reality. « And ! Ellie ? Joel asks you a question. »

- « Oh ? Mmh.. Yeah, it's fine. » Ellie didn't want to look bad in front of Joel or James. But her mind had decided even today to confront her with certain questions that she had decided to put off until later, placing her or deeper within herself. She didn’t want to fight anymore, she really wanted to be able to enjoy this life that held out her arms after all her years.

Ellie is acting weird and Joel can sense that it concerns him in some way. It must have something to do with what he swore to her, everything he said about the Fireflies was wrong. It had to happen sooner or later, but why now ?

Or maybe she just blamed him for not allowing her to stay with him during the conversation he had with Tommy? Hard to say.

Silence is sometimes the best way to say what you want to say.

A rather disturbing tension is created within the group. James hates this kind of feeling, he didn't come to sulk but to enjoy this day. « How about we go to that famous music store ? You two can talk in more detail along the way. »

James didn't know the story between Joel and Ellie. All he could understand and see so far was that they were in a father-daughter relationship. The rest was complete nothingness.

He did not like to interfere in other people’s lives. Only when the person decides to open up to him will he go further. James will never force someone to do something he doesn’t want to do, it wasn’t in his nature.

After each and retrieving their horse, they leave the stables and head to the old music store. Ellie who knows the place passes in front of the group while remaining silent. James and Joel stay behind and follow her closely.

Joel on his side squeezes the reins of his horse a little more in his hands. A question for James was in his head. It's none of his business, and it's probably possible the young man won't answer. Yet he tries anyway.

- « James, have you ever killed infected people with your own hands ? »

James looks up thinking a bit about the answer to Joel's question. He was not afraid to answer with the utmost sincerity. After all, in the world he lived in, it was survival first. If he had to have blood on his hands to protect those he loves, James wouldn't hesitate.

- « Yes. During our trip across the country, my mother and I encountered infected people. I managed to get out of it, but my mother always knew how to do better than me. Actually. When I stand in front of them with the gun in my hand, I don't feel like I have an infected person, but a human face. »

Y/N like Joel, since each lost part of the other, had only one word in mind “Survival”. Even if it means doing bad things, his life and sometimes that of his son could be put in danger. It was out of the question for the young mother to lose someone again.

So there were situations where it was Y/N pulling the trigger first and not James. Who could judge him? Just because he was a man, didn't mean he could do it all. He was still young and had to learn to find his bearings with weapons and the world.

After several minutes, Ellie hesitates and decides to join the conversation. « They’re no longer human, James, they’re just infected. Their souls have long since left their bodies. »

- « I agree with you, but there is always a part of me that wants to believe otherwise. »

Joel is happy to hear Ellie join the conversation after she speaks. « Tell me, Ellie, Raphael told me you did pretty well on group patrols. He even thinks you are ready for two-up patrols. »

Ellie tugs on her horse's reins to slow her pace and finish alongside Joel. His gaze was filled with determination. « I shoot better than almost anyone. And I have more experience than most new recruits. So if-... »

Joel cuts Ellie off at the end of her sentence. « Look, if you think you're ready, then I trust you. »

Confidence is not claimed, it is even less demanded, it is earned. Ellie deserved to have Joel's trust and vice versa. Through the adventures, the walls, the pains, the joys, all his things helped create this trust between them. And Joel made her understand that he would always be behind her despite the obstacles that will arise between them.

Ellie let out a little silence after what Joel said, she didn't expect to hear that. Somehow, even if it was just words, it warms her heart. « Thank you, Joel. »

It was one of the few times Joel gave in to Ellie, but he does it and it suits him just fine. He had to learn to let her grow, because one day he won't be there to protect her from this world.

- « But I would still prefer that you stick to the shortest routes for now. Just until you can get your bearings. »

Ellie doesn't say another word and smiles back at Joel to let him know she's happy with his choice and his behavior towards her.

James didn't say anything either, he listened and observed the behavior of the two very carefully. He shared the same relationship with his mother, but sometimes he wished he could go back and find his life before just for a moment.

He missed his father and sister terribly, as did his mother. James overheard Y/N talking several times in his sleep. What came out most often was the name of his father and his sister. It was continuous nightmares. He had understood that since that day, his mother was no longer the same and neither was he.

Until the final destination, the group remained particularly silent. It didn't bother James, on the contrary, he was glad everyone was talking about something. The atmosphere was much different than before leaving Jackson.

- « The music store should be over there. We'll have to leave the horses here. » Ellie concluded after getting off her horse first. She then recovers her weapons on the saddle of her horse, her bag is already on her shoulders. « Hey, Paillette. No nonsense while I'm gone ! »

Ellie had her own horse now, it wasn't the size of an adult horse yet but it was enough for the young teenager. The connection between her and Paillette had been immediate when Ellie and Joel arrived in Jackson. Since one and the other no longer separates when it comes to leaving the city.

James in turn dismounts from his horse and also gets his weapons strapped to his saddle. After recovering everything, he comes to pet his horse and watches it carefully through his eyes. « Maybe we'll go away for a while. So take care of the other horses, okay ? »

James loved horses, but he especially admired one species, giraffes.

When he was younger, he had the chance to meet his creatures, he was fascinated. It was a father-son day, Sarah was at school and Y/N was at work. Joel took the day off to take James to the zoo for the first time.

The first time he saw one. Joel install it on his shoulders to get closer so he can stroke the tip of his snout. At that moment, Joel could see in his son's eyes all the love and innocence he carried within him.

He laughed and smiled, just like Ellie when she also encountered a giraffe. There was no word to describe it, Joel was overjoyed.

Joel gets off his horse last. He already has his weapons around his shoulder, tied together. He takes his bag and walks over to Ellie and James to see if they're ready to go to the music store. « Are you ready to go ? » He might not show it, but Joel was anxious to get back into that building.

Ellie walks past the boys climbing a wall to get to the other side of where they are. After straightening up, the young teenager sees in the distance the music store that Tommy told her about. « He didn't lie, the music store is right in front of us ! »

The boys climb the wall at the same time and join Ellie. Joel puts his hands on his hips and looks at the music store a little further from them. « He's not very far. »

- « Do you really think we'll find something there ? » James asked looking at the group. He had no doubt to follow Ellie and Joel but sometimes certain dangers arrive faster than you think.

- « I would say we have to believe it and go see for ourselves. » Ellie concludes by trotting towards the path to the store. Her hands firmly tied to her bag, she was playful at the idea of venturing into the building.

At the bottom of the road, 2 trucks seem to block the road to the group.

Joel comes behind Ellie with James, he approaches her and watches the truck, it is quite big but not impossible to cross. « Do you want me to help you up ? »

- « I don't mind. » Ellie lets Joel walk past her so he can take a stand against the truck.

- « If you need help, I'm here. » While Joel helps Ellie, James steps forward on her side. He takes his bag off his shoulders and throws it on the other side of the vehicle. Picking up a little momentum, he catches himself on the truck and manages to climb onto the roof.

Ellie for her part relies on the help of Joel. She felt in the strength of Joel's arms that he was no longer young, that old age was catching up with him very closely. « You should be careful, Joel, I feel old age is catching up with you ! » With that said, Ellie quickly grabs the edge of the roof of the vehicle, James comes to support her.

Joel sighs with satisfaction at the young teenager’s words. This is the kind of moment Ellie liked to tease. If Joel was laughing, then Ellie had managed to get her day back. « You should be careful what you say, kid. » When Ellie arrived alongside James, Joel did the same action as James to join them.

The group now heads for the entrance of the old store. Ellie throws herself at the doors first, shooting several times towards her, the doors don't seem to want to open. « It is impossible to enter here, it is completely blocked. »

Both Joel and James are crouched on the ground, tilting their heads towards a passageway under the store's roof that appears to have caved in over time. « We may have something here. »

James comes over to pat Joel on the shoulder to let him know he might have the answer to his problem. « Why not lift that wooden beam ? I'm going with Ellie and we're sneaking around and trying to find a way to open you up from the inside. »

- « Mmh... » Joel mumbling in his beard doesn’t seem to be ready for James' idea. However, this is the only solution available to the group at this time. Despite Ellie’s reflections on her age, Joel no longer had the same abilities as twenty years ago.

- « We can try. And you won't have to worry, Joel. James will be there to help me. » Ellie breaks the silence of the two men's conversation. The posture she was in did not represent fear, only confidence and readiness for adventure.

Joel trusted Ellie and James too, after all he was her son. Deep down, he didn't want to send his two children to this building. What can await them on the other side? If something happens to them, Joel will never forgive himself.

Even though somehow Joel had just found his son, he had to be very distant with him. He couldn't show her any sign that could make her suspect who he really is. A father and a stranger to him.

For Joel, it was not the time, not now. But sooner or later he is going to have to be, where he will have to live with regrets for the rest of his life.

Joel grabs the wooden beam with his hands and lifts it with all his remaining strength in his legs. « Go ahead, cross and be careful. »

James doesn't argue further and slips through the passage first, Ellie follows James quickly after. She crosses to the end of the passage and stands up, turning on her flashlight. « I'm here and so is James ! Wait two seconds ! » She said raising her voice.

- « Okay ! I'm in front of the doors ! »

James holds his flashlight firmly in his hands and takes a quick tour of the place, staying close to Ellie. « Really charming this place. »

James and Ellie together end up inspecting the rooms of the music store where they are. They managed to recover, bandages, few medicines and preserves. No rope sign at this time.

Joel grows impatient when he doesn't see Ellie and James return. « And ! You find something ? » They had only been gone for a few minutes, but for Joel it seemed like an eternity.

James carefully walks past each room, he and Ellie retrieve what they can from her bag and continue to look for ways to open the doors for Joel. « We are looking for ! »

Ellie slowly walks away from James and finds a hallway that leads to the doors of the store. « James ! Over there ! » The young teenager advances cautiously despite the silence in the building. A chair blocks the entrance, Ellie grabs it and removes it, throwing it on the floor next to her.

The doors open quickly for Joel, James arrives seconds later behind Ellie. « We are back. »

- « So, impressed ? »

- « Not bad but you're too skinny. You have to eat, you know?" He says amusedly and walks past them.

It was one of Joel’s ways of expressing himself in his own way to thank them for opening the doors and coming back alive. He always had this way with Ellie, through humor and jokes.

James continues to look through the various rooms for a passage through the music store. A cash machine intrigued his eyes, he cautiously approached and put his hands against him. He could see a passage behind but a problem arises, spores were present on the other side. « I should put my mask on so I don't arouse suspicion in front of Ellie and Joel. »

Joel and Ellie walk towards James. Joel realizes after watching him that he's found something, maybe a passage. « Did you find anything for us, James ? »

- « Yes. Behind this dispenser there is a passage. But there is a problem, spores. » He observes out of the corner of his eye through the end of the wooden board if there are any infected, at first sight nothing to report.

Unfortunately, it is in the shadows that the infected like to come out and surprise.

- « I see. It's our only passage so I only see one thing, put on our masks. » Concluded to Joel taking his mask from his bag and attaching it to his face. Ellie and James do the same by equipping their masks.

With the mask fitted, James stands in front of the vending machine blocking their way. « Here we are. » James pushes to move the distributor out of the way, Joel helps him.

What Joel didn't know was that his son had the same abilities as Ellie. He was immune, just like her, and conversely James didn't know about the young teenager.

- « Come on, a little more effort and it's good. »

- « You are both doing well. » Complimenting the boys, Ellie goes first behind them to squeeze through the narrow passage. The spores are there, but strangely no infected seem to be in the room. « You can come, the way is clear. »

The group continues to inspect the store, hoping to find guitar strings. Silence reigns around them, the atmosphere is heavy. But that doesn't stop Ellie, Joel and James from moving on. A few minutes later, they climbed over a wall and finally landed in a larger room, brighter than the previous ones. Joel calls Ellie and James not to take another step, he puts his ear to the door, several noises come out.

- « Infected ? » Ellie asked, watching Joel. She recognized his look, which was not a good sign.

- « Yes, they seem numerous. » He said with troubled voice. Joel doesn't want to lie to himself but he wasn't reassured by what awaited them on the other side. Ellie and James know how to fight, but that’s no reason to jump right into danger.

James seems determined to push through, holding his gun tight to him. « It's not a few infected people who are going to stop us. We are three, it will be easy for us to infiltrate through them and kill them one by one, discreetly. Don't let fear win over you. »

Joel drops a slight smile in the corner and straightens up after glancing at James. This character, this way of not giving up and continuing. Joel knows him only too well, his wife had exactly the same character. As for the stubborn side, he had inherited it from him, that was certain.

The group agrees to James' idea, Joel sneaks into the room first, he infects the nearest, quickly and quietly. Ellie and James take turns getting rid of an infected person. The group moves quietly but calmly towards their exit door.

Two clickers stand in front of the door. James throws an object away from them, it lures them out of the doors. It works, but it had to be done quickly.

Clickers react to noise and quickly run towards it. Joel, Ellie and James take the opportunity to pass the door quietly, they succeed. A very narrow passage appears in front of them, they don't think another minute and squeeze through. Joel kept moving forward, Ellie follows him and James stays behind the group.

- « It’s very narrow here, I hope we don’t run into an infected person in this passage. » James doesn’t like narrow places, he’s not claustrophobic but he’s not really excited to be there.

- « Let's walk quietly without rushing. » Joel does not take his eyes off the path in front of him, for the moment nothing to report. It passes under a pipe and continues to move without looking back.

- « Relax, it's just a bad time has passed and- » Ellie does the same thing as Joel and she goes under that pipe too. She grabs it until it falls. A strange noise accompanied by a tremor seems to advance dangerously towards the group. The wall collapses and Ellie is taken by a Colossus.

- « Ellie ! » Joel and James react to the situation at the same time. « James! with me ! » Joel quickly teams up with his rifle and directly attacks the infected. « I’m here ! » James joins Joel with a rifle in his hand. Together, they draw the colossus in a different direction from Ellie.

- « Come on ! Come on, son of a bitch ! » Jacques does not look away from the Colossus, it is the first time he has seen one, but he is absolutely not afraid, on the contrary he smiles in fear.

- « Joel ! James ! » Ellie barely got up after the Colossus' attack. Grabbing a molotov cocktail from her bag and lighting it with a brick. « Step away ! » Ellie warned Joel and James, and then she started without hesitation.

This doesn't seem to weaken the creature, it still keeps moving forward and destroying everything in its path. The colossus changes direction after receiving the molotov cocktail in the face, he is now heading towards Ellie.

- « James shoot him ! » Joel ordered James, shooting the creature in the back. The bullets did next to nothing to him, but they served as a diversion and knocked the creature out of its mind.

- « What do you think I've been doing for a while ?! » James raises his voice while continuing to fire, the colossus does not seem to change direction.

The colossus quickly arrives at Ellie despite its weight and throws itself on her to grab her by the face. Ellie drops her weapon and tries to fight with all her might in front of the colossus.

- « You’re gonna let her go, motherfucker ! » Joel throws his gun on the ground and grabs his machete quickly by getting his bag. His hunches that something was gonna happen today were good, and there was no way Joel was gonna lose Ellie here. Not now, not after all these trips and ups and downs. The trip wasn’t going to end there.

James watches Joel run without thinking about the colossus. He also throws his rifle and grabs his machete. « Joel ! I'm right behind you ! We can get her, we won't let Ellie die here ! »

The two men run as fast as they can towards the creature, they throw themselves violently on the body. It is after many violent blows that Joel and James manage to overcome this monster. Ellie, who has seen the whole scene, looks at the boys with wide eyes. She doesn't want to admit it, but the three of them make a great team.

James, out of breath from the fight, steps forward and reaches out to Ellie to help her up. « Everything's good ? » He asked, slightly out of breath from the fight.

- « Yes, thank you both. Thank you. » Ellie takes James's hand and pushes into his legs to get up. For a moment, the gaze of the young teenager focuses on the body of the monster, her hands are still shaking.

- « We almost stayed there. » Joel groaned as he wiped his machete against the fabric of his pants to remove the remaining blood. « Thank you for your help, James. »

- « It's true, but we got him, that bastard. » James puts his machete back in his waistband. Then passing a piece of his sweater against his face, he removes the blood of the colossus.

- « How are you holding up ? » Ellie asked, looking at Joel, still breathless from the fight, old age catching up with him. Many jokes came to her mind, but she preferred not to say anything after the event they had just experienced.

- « Other than old age, you mean ? No, nothing that will stand up to a good night's sleep. » He said with an amused look. His legs, his whole body call him to rest. But despite the pain, Joel was resilient in the face of it all.

Even if he didn't want to face the truth, he was getting old, which means that one day he won't be able to follow Ellie on her adventures and protect her from the dangers of this world.

After all, Marlene told her : « You can't keep her safe forever. No matter how hard you try, no matter how many people you kill, she's gonna grow, Joel. »

Joel knew she was right and yet he kept going, keeping hope. Ellie saved Joel, she gave him back that hope he thought he’d lost after losing his children and his wife.

Ellie became his light through the darkness of this broken world.

- « I can't wait to get out of here. » Ellie walks past the boys and tries to get out of this dark place.

James straightens his hair and puts his bag back on his shoulders. « Now we have to find another exit. I think we are all in agreement to defer this research to a later date. »

- « I think at the end of this corridor we will find an exit. » Joel remains puzzled as he walks past Ellie to make sure there is no danger.

Ellie doesn't have to ask questions, through Joel's behavior she knows she has to stay behind him alongside James. What annoys him the most is that he still takes her as a child when she is now a teenager.

It's to protect her that Joel has this behavior, Ellie is special, different. For him, losing her would be the worst thing that could happen to him.

Joel walks down the hall with his mask still on his face. « There must be something behind it. James, please help me. » He pushes the group of stacked chairs, James joins him in seconds and they manage to clear the hallway entrance.

- « What do you do ? What if there are other infected people behind ? » Said Ellie watching Joel get rid of what was blocking his way to the other room. The young teenager had had her dose of infected for the day.

- « Don't worry, Ellie, and if there are two Colossals behind us, I know I can count on you and James to put them down. » He concluded after gently pushing open the door.

- « There are no more spores in this room. You can take off your masks. » Joel takes off his mask and breathes in a moment to rediscover clean air.

- « Yeah, but that doesn't mean we're out of danger. I'll keep going through the few places here. Maybe I'll find our guitar strings. » James keeps his mask on his face as he rushes more and more towards the other rooms and moves away from Joel and Ellie.

- « James wait- » Joel didn't have time to say anything, he had already left to inspect the other rooms. Even if James seemed valiant, it doesn’t mean he was invinsible. - « Well, we're going to the door that's open. There. » Joel comes to the door and watches for a brief moment. Clearly he can't pass, Ellie can pass. « Do you think you can get in there ? »

- « Yeah, I think I can do it. » Joel steps aside and makes way for Ellie. The young teenager stands through the door and passes without any problem on the other side.

- « See what's blocking ? »

- « Yeah. » Ellie pushes the furniture blocking the door and lets Joel in. « OK, you can come in. » Ellie comes into the room first, a body on her back, an old corpse apparently. She decides to get closer to it to be able to analyze it further.

- « Ellie ! » An infected person appears out of nowhere from the ground towards Ellie. Joel puts his foot on his arm, the creature stops and Joel shoots him right in the head. Joel sighed for a moment and tucked his gun into his pants.

- « Thank you, Joel. »

- « Be more careful next time. »

- « Joel. »

- « Hmm ? »

A symbol is present on the body bag that Ellie saw first. It’s definitely Jackson’s symbol, J. I think it’s them. This is one of the couples who ran away last year. « That’s what Tommy told us at dinner. The list was long and very few had been found. »

Joel looks at Ellie for a moment and looks at the corpse in question. He walks around and kneels beside the corpse. Silence reigns, reflection forms deep inside Joel. « I think you're right. »

Ellie turns to her right, her eyes seem drawn to something, especially a letter on the table. Ellie picks it up and starts reading it. « Jackson is a wonderful place, but we couldn't stand the stories of people suffering everywhere else. We wanted to save lives. We wanted to do something good. Just after we left, we came across a horde. We were bitten. We decided to end it rather than become monsters. Tell our family and friends that we are sorry. Adam and Sydney. »

Ellie finishes the sentence and turns the letter over, another message is written. « I killed her. But I can't finish. I'm just a coward. Adam. »

- « Damn it. » Joel comes over slightly to scratch his beard, frustrated and upset at what he just heard.

Why was this world so violent ? Why do people who try every time to do good deeds always fall first ? Joel had no answers to his questions, just silence in his head.

- « They weren't immune. » She said in a dry and direct tone. Ellie was clumsily trying to get a message across to Joel. Deep down, she knew the truth and the lies.

After a long silence in the room, Joel lightly scratches his throat and avoids eye contact with Ellie. « Yes, we have to… We have to get James, and we'll get their bodies back to Jackson. » Joel finishes his sentence and finds his back to Ellie.

Ellie feels that he is avoiding her gaze, hiding something from her, the truth. She decides to go straight to the point. « When you got me out of the Firefly hospital, you told me there were dozens of people like me. »

Joel turns around after Ellie makes a remark about him. He finds himself facing her now. « Yes. That's what they told me. »

Joel knew that at some point he would have to answer Ellie's questions about it. But now was not the time, not now.

- « I don't know anyone else who is immune. How about you ? » Ellie stared at him. She could sense in his answers that something didn't ring true, and she wanted him to tell her the real truth with all his heart.

During the tense discussion between Joel and Ellie. James came back from his research on the other pieces, he found nothing extraordinary. Not wanting to interfere in the discussion, he preferred to remain silent and stand against the wall to listen to what they have to say.

- « Maybe they hide them. Like you. » James didn't want to believe what he had just heard. He was not alone, the only one immune. Ellie was too, were others like them? Hard to say, as Joel says, this kind of secret should stay hidden.

Ellie looks at the letter one last time and drops it on the table looking at Joel with a determined look in his eyes. « Do you really believe that ? »

- « Do you really think it's time to discuss this ? » Joel approaches Ellie without taking his eyes off her.

- « We traveled.. across the country to get me to Fireflies. I had a million questions for them. Why did you pull me out before I even woke up ?! »

- « Because I let them do their tests, and when I saw it wasn't working, I got us out of there. »

- « How do you know it didn't work ?! » Ellie raises her voice, rage boiling inside her. « Maybe if you had given them time, they would have found something-... »

- « Ellie ! » Joel also raised his voice. He cut into Ellie's words. He didn't want to appear hurtful, he wanted to keep her close to him.

- « They couldn't find a solution. There's nothing could've saved these people, or anybody else. I know you wanted it to be different and I wanted it to be different too. But it's like that. »

It was wrong, it sounds so wrong. Joel knew full well that Ellie wanted to sacrifice herself to become the cure and maybe save the world.

But in his eyes it was impossible, he couldn't lose someone like her again, his hope, his daughter, his world.

After a few words, there was a moment of silence around them. « We need to bring these two children back to their families. Do you have anything to add ? »

- « No. »

After looking at Ellie one last time, Joel sees a shadow approaching the door to the room where he is. « James ! Is that you ? » He had his hand on his holster, ready to fire.

James acts as if nothing has happened and quietly arrives at the door. He sees two corpses on the ground, and now he understands the shot that was fired earlier. « I understand better, so it was you. Are you all right ? » He approaches them, putting away his weapon.

- « Yes, it's fine, don't worry. The two bodies you see are Jackson youths who fled last year. I'm going to need your help getting them to the horses. »

- « Yes, of course, you can count on me. » James looks at Ellie, she looks frozen. James puts his hand on her shoulder trying to get a reaction out of her. « Ellie ? »

Ellie turns back to him and smiles slightly at James. She gently pulls her hand out of her shoulder and moves away from the boys to reach the outside. Joel’s answers clearly didn’t satisfy her.

James turned to Joel to figure out what was going on, he closed his eyes. The questions are then useless and James understood by the look of Joel. The boys do not waste more time, recover and carry as they can the bodies of the two teenagers.

What a sad story, wanting to save lives, they paid the price with theirs.

After installing the bodies on the horses, the group decides to give up for the music store, Joel will take care of it alone. Ellie and James didn't add anything once he decided that.

The return to Jackson was much calmer and more tense than the start. Here they are at the gates of the city, they open a few minutes later.

- « I'm going to see Antoine and Dina to tell them about our day. Wish your mother James a good recovery. Good evening to you both. » Her horse trots away and Ellie leaves the boys in silence. She didn’t look up to Joel, she was still running away from him, even after a few hours after the argument.

James saw Ellie leave, he could understand that the discussion between her and Joel had hit him hard. There were reasons, things Joel had to do to put her in this state, but what ? Then he turns to Joel. « Do you want to see how my mother is doing ? Don't worry about Ellie, she can see her later in the week, whatever. »

Joel takes a deep breath and straightens his posture. He couldn't blame Ellie for reacting like that, for running away. He deserves it, lying is not a good thing and that's where it leads. But he was doing this to protect her, to keep her with him. « Yes, if you don't mind. »

- « No, she hasn't seen anyone today. I think she'll be happy to have some company. »

- « Let's leave the horses here, someone from reception will take them back to their box. Let's continue on foot. » Joel dismounts and puts his foot on the ground. On the saddle are his weapons, he has just taken his bag.

- « I leave like you I imagine, my weapons. » Instructions are clear, no weapons in town. James also leaves his weapons, he already has his bag on his back.

- « I'm with you now. » Joel puts on his bag and readjusts his jacket.

His mind was fighting between two walls, Ellie and her family. For now, he should accept that Ellie probably won't talk to him for a few days, which is normal. Joel will wait without rushing her.

Joel glanced at James, he remained particularly quiet. He knew, he wasn't stupid, he saw with his own eyes that something was wrong with him and Ellie.

James won't ask what happened unless Joel starts the conversation. After all, they were still strangers to each other, they didn't have to reveal everything overnight. There were limits and rules to follow, the two men knew perfectly well which ones.

Although to James, Joel was a stranger. For Joel, it was the opposite. He managed to see how his son had evolved into an adult in this broken world.

He would like from the bottom of his heart to tell him so many things that go through his head, like the fact that he is proud of him, of the man he has become. Although it was only a few hours with him, Joel was a happy and proud man.

After a few minutes of walking in the streets of Jackson, the two men arrive at their destination. James walks past, approaches the front door, and takes the keys from his jacket pocket.

Even though his mother was inside, James decided to close after leaving. Not that he didn't trust his mother, but she was clearly in no condition to defend herself if someone broke into the house.

Even in Jackson, danger was never far away. For James, no place was safe. It was therefore necessary to be prepared for any eventuality.

- « Close the door behind you, please. » James takes off his jacket and hangs it on the coat rack near the entrance.

Joel comes right behind him and goes home, he closes the door behind him. « Can I hang my coat here ? » Joel mentions the coat rack with his eyes.

- « Yes, of course, go ahead. » James takes off his boots and puts them on the corner of the couch. « I'll make us some food, my mom is upstairs. If she or you need anything just let me know. » He leaves the living room and walks into the kitchen, leaving Joel alone at the entrance.

Joel also takes off his shoes, he puts them next to his jacket. The behavior that James had. Even though Joel didn't know his age, he seemed so mature for his age. Some teenagers in this town should take their cue.

Joel leaves for the stairs, he manages to reach the floor of the bedrooms. It was so quiet, until he heard a faint cough coming from the open door down the hall. « This must be his room. »

Exhausted Y/N pays no attention to Joel's arrival. Breathing heavily, her face covered in sweat, muscle aches and headaches, she shifted slightly in bed keeping her eyes closed.

A wooden chair sits at the end of the room. Joel sees her and gently pulls her to the Y/N bed to sit next to it. Trying to make as little noise as possible through the move. He could see on the nightstand that she had managed to take her medication and something to eat.

The young mother looks exhausted from the fever, Joel couldn't help but stare at her. He couldn't lie to himself, see her like this. It hurt him even more, he couldn't do anything to help her get better.

Unless, of course, he accepts the truth and stops putting up barriers.

He could : stay in bed with her, support her to put her in a more comfortable position, kiss her to hope that her kisses will bring her a minimum of sweetness and well-being.

Even if being in contact with her made him sick, it didn’t matter to him. She was his wife after all, they shared everything.

Y/N barely opens her eyes a few minutes later, she sees Joel next to her, by her side, sitting on a chair. « Sorry, I'm not in the best shape to host… » Y/N stops talking after feeling Joel's hand on his shoulder.

- « You don't need to apologize, James told us what happened to you. Now save your strength. » Joel rests his hand on the young mother's shoulder.

There they were, like two idiots, acting like they were nothing to each other. His wife was there, before his eyes, close to him, so close. He could kiss her and tell her how much he missed her all those years. But Joel didn't do anything, he just stood there and looked at her.

They were playing a game, a dangerous game that will eventually fall on them.

Y/N, exhausted by fever, lets Joel do it. She lets out a slight sigh of relief. Despite her difficulty in moving, the young mother draws on her last strength to adjust her position in the blankets. « Thank you so much, you and Ellie, for bringing my son home. »

« Our son. » Joel needed to say it so badly that the words were scrambling to get out.

The choice had already been made for some time, he shouldn't say anything, to protect them. Protected by whom ? Of what ? From him. For Joel, he felt he was unable to keep his family safe and that it was best that the situation remained that way.

Joel gently takes his hand off Y/N's shoulder and puts it on his knee for support. A slight smile appears on his face. « You don't have to thank us, Y/N. At Jackson, we are all family. So we have to take care of each other. »

Her gaze wanders to an object strapped to Joel's wrist, a watch appears behind his shirt sleeve. There was no doubt that the watch Joel wore on his wrist was the one she gave on her birthday. Even if worn out over time, she could recognize it in thousands.

Joel had the watch, Y/N the ring. Everyone had an object that allowed them to keep a link between them, in some way.

Joel puts his hands on his legs to help himself up from the chair. « I'm not going to bother you anymore and let you rest. It was good to see you, Y/N. » Before leaving, Joel is going to do something he will regret later, but his heart was telling him to do.

He leaned very gently towards Y/N's face, more precisely towards his forehead. He then gently placed his lips against it. It was light, fast, but the gesture was there. It was like a message to the young mother.

After that, Joel says nothing. He rose from his position and quickly turned from Y/N. He is about to leave the room when suddenly he feels something touching the skin of his hand.

Y/N understood his message, his gesture said a lot. "Forgive me, darling." He didn't say anything to her, but this gesture meant his words.

She couldn't blame him because she was also in the same position as him, running away from the truth and remaining in the current situation.

Why choose difficulty when ease is easier to choose ?

- « Thanks for stopping by, Joel. »

- « You don't have to thank me. » He concludes by leaving the room and walking down the stairs. He had to fight himself not to look at her before he left. It was stronger than him, but he couldn't, he shouldn't.

Joel walks over and takes his shoes and his jacket from the coat rack, he puts them on. James still seems busy preparing dinner, he hasn't seen Joel coming down the stairs. He hesitates but chooses not to tell James he's leaving. Silent in the shadows, he opens the door and leaves the house with a slight regret.

Distance was nothing, it's when distance is needed that love shines brightest. The emptiness of absence made them stronger, to keep hope alive. Even though Joel and Y/N were broken inside for many years, their hearts were still bound forever, even beyond death. Nothing could extinguish this flame, their feelings, their love.

As much as the other, thinking that acting like nothing was happening, staying aloof and acting like they were just strangers was the solution. On the contrary, it brought them closer, despite their efforts.

They hate being separated, like their body or their heart.

~*.♪。★*・゜・＊♪*.♪。★*・゜・＊♪*.♪°~

Tag : @wolfieellsworld @rosemirrors @dorck26 @dizzyforyou

If you want to be marked on my future stories, let me know in the comments. Thank you again for reading ! 😊

#joel miller #joel miller imagine #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fluff #joel miller smut #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x y/n #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal

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trulybetty · 1 year

Text

Gold Rush | Chapter Five

Pairings: Joel x OFC Warnings: Angst, guilt, seeking forgiveness, alludes to depression and suicide without being explicit. Summary: Old lovers Joel and Charlotte find themselves unexpectedly reunited in the community of Jackson. Struggling to navigate the complexities of their shared history and the harsh realities of their new lives, the pair find themselves again drawn to one another. AO3: Link

Chapter 5

"Perhaps forgiveness is the quality I admire most in humanity.Because it's a grace that seeks us when we don't deserve it,embraces us when we least expect it,and frees us when we believe we're beyond redemption."- Unknown

Charlotte was laid across her sofa in the living room, wrapped in a barely-hanging-on blanket. She had fallen asleep there the night before, her plans to get an early start that morning forgotten amidst the exhaustion. The sound of the knocking of her front door jarred her awake, and with a groan of protest she pulled herself off the sofa and to the door.

Opening the front door she sighed when Tommy appeared on the other side. Charlotte leaned against the door frame as she tried to close the now open door.

"Jesus Tommy, it's too early for this shit." she stated, her voice still thick with sleep.

"Charlotte, please." He put his foot in the jam of the door stopping it from closing. "Can we talk?"

Charlotte's weary eyes were filled with the image of Maria, who had begged her to give Tommy a chance. Charlotte wanted to hate him for everything that had happened, she missed him just as much. It was confusing and overwhelming, and she still wasn't sure if she could find it within herself to forgive him, but she'd give the opportunity to speak finally.

"No promises," Charlotte grumbled, but she stepped back from the door, allowing Tommy to enter. She padded back to the living room on bare feet, leaving Tommy to close the door behind him. It was an unspoken gesture of trust, allowing him into her space, even as the tension between them hung heavy in the air.

Tommy hesitated in the entryway to the living room, uncertainty flickering across his face as he watched Charlotte resume her position on the sofa. She didn't invite him to sit, didn't even look at him. The usual warmth that radiated from Charlotte was noticeably absent, replaced with a cold detachment that felt foreign. But he understood; he had hurt her, broken her trust when he had sworn to her all those years ago he would take care of it.

"Charlie," Tommy began, choosing his words carefully. "I... I owe you an apology. I was wrong, and... and I'm, I don't know how I can tell you how sorry I really am."

Charlotte remained silent, picking at a loose thread on the hem of her shirt as she listened. Her expression was unreadable, a mask that effectively hid the storm of emotions brewing beneath the surface. The silence stretched on, a palpable tension building in the room as Charlotte mulled over Tommy's words.

"I don't expect forgiveness," Tommy continued, the weight of his guilt pressing heavily on his shoulders. "But I needed you to know that... that I am sorry."

His words hung in the air, and for a moment, there was only the steady tick of the clock to break the silence. It was then that Charlotte looked up at Tommy, her brown eyes meeting his with a hard, calculating gaze. She was quiet for a moment, considering him, before she finally spoke.

"I'm willing to listen," she said, her voice steady despite the turmoil within her.

Tommy nodded, grateful for even that small concession. The road to rebuilding their friendship would be a tightrope, but Charlotte had given him a chance, and that was more than he could have hoped for

"That's all I'm asking," Tommy said, his tone sincere. "Just to listen."

Tommy once believed that the worst thing he’d ever have to apologize to Charlotte for was his behaviour when she and Joel first became a couple. His behaviour borderline obscene hiding the fear of possibly losing his brother, his father figure, to this woman who had come in and stolen his brother's heart. He also remembered the multiple times he drunkenly got himself locked up for public intoxication. There were more than a few nights when Charlotte had to navigate legal jargon with the sheriff to secure his release, followed by his hungover apologies the next morning, promising to repay Joel and Charlotte for the cost of his bail money.

He tried to push back the memory of the night of Joel's birthday twenty years ago. The whispers of guilt at his ear threatened to pull inky black tide of self-recrimination over him. The 'what ifs' never really went away; he just got better at ignoring them. But now, looking at Charlotte, her elbows propped on her knees, her head in her hands, and a shell of the woman he'd known for the better part of a quarter century, he couldn't help but wonder.

Wonder if he hadn't turned Joel's invitation to come home with him for a drink.

Wonder if he hadn't taken that swing that night at the bar.

Wonder if he hadn't mouthed off at the cop who had been called to the bar.

Wonder if he hadn't called Joel late at night, begging for bail money and Charlotte's legalese to get him out of the county jail to avoid being stuck there for the weekend.

Because if any of that hadn't happened he was sure, no convinced, Sarah would still be with them. The catalyst to everything that happened to the three of them after the outbreak. There were nights still, in the echoes of his dreams that he heard the gunshot that killed Sarah and the gunshot that almost took Joel. If he was asked he could still name both of the guns that pulled each bullet, his military background had seen to that piece of persistent memory. The guttural roar that he didn't know Joel possessed, as he rocked Sarah pleading with whatever entity that would listen to ward off death with his cries and shouts for his daughter to just stay with him. The haunting screams of Joel's name off of Charlotte's lips, watching her scramble to find purchase on her feet as the sound of the gunshot echoed off of the walls of the house they'd barricaded themselves in rang out.

Because after all, in Tommy's mind, if he had simply come home with Joel that night they'd have all been together. Would have heard the news stories earlier, wouldn't have left Sarah alone and they all would have had a head start in getting out of Town. Charlotte would have her Joel, they'd be happy just like they had been, her the sun to Joel's moon.

Most of all, they'd have had Sarah.

Guilt tightened its knot in his stomach threatening the bile in his stomach to rise up as the nausea filled him with a sickening remorse. Those in Jackson knew Charlotte as a happy and situated member of the council, willing to help where she could and a bright light to distract from the terror that lay outside their walls. Tommy wished he had that luxury, he knew the real Charlotte and saw that brightness never reached her eyes, that her role on the council and need to help everyone and all was to keep her hands busy, keep her distracted.

Tommy shuffled into the room, he paused at the ratty green couch where Charlotte sat. Taking a deep breath he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jacket and folded himself into the surprising plushness, of the decades old couch.

"I didn't know when I left Boston if I was ever going to see you or Joel ever again. Then one night, there's this mass panic of raiders and we still hadn't finished the north wall and it was all hands on deck. Then there was Maria saying there was a woman who'd convinced Marcus to bring her back to the settlement, that they'd placed her in the banks lock up,"

Charlotte remembered that night, one of many committed to memory whether she liked it or not. Her journey west with the Fireflies was hard and taxing. Not all the Fireflies were as ideologically driven as Tommy, and as the months wore on, their ranks started to thin out.

Disputes broke out over rations, routes, and their final destination, causing division and unrest among them. Eventually, the large group she had started with was reduced to just three - Charlotte, and two men, Alec and Justin. Despite the circumstances, they formed a tight bond.

They walked through vast, deserted landscapes, remnants of the old world now overridden by nature. They avoided Infected and hostile humans alike, knowing that their small group wouldn't stand a chance against a larger, more prepared force. And then, they stumbled upon a patrol group from Jackson. They hadn't known it at first. They thought they had run into another group of survivors, maybe traders or just folks trying to eke out a living in the post-outbreak world.

But when the group from Jackson took them for raiders, all hell broke loose. Alec and Justin were shot on sight as they reached for their weapons. Charlotte, witnessing the quick and brutal deaths, her last companions, knew she had no other choice. She had already thrown her weapon and raised her hands. Using the quick wit and charm that had gotten her through so many parlous situations in the past, managed to convince them to take her captive.

When they reached Jackson, Charlotte had been in disbelief. It wasn't the ramshackle collection of survivors she had been expecting. It was a town, a community trying to build something more than just survival.

"Maria had brought Marcus to me, getting him to repeat what you had told him." Tommy looked to Charlotte, she had now sat up, her hands folded on her lap. "That you were just trying to go west to find your brother in law, that you'd left from Boston and were no threat to anyone."

"I remember tearing into the bank, I needed to know if it was you, and there you were - our Charlie."

Without missing a beat, Tommy had pushed through the now open cell door and pulled Charlotte into a tight embrace. They clung to each other, Charlotte sobbing uncontrollably. Two lost souls finally finding a piece of their shared past. Their reunion was marked by tears, laughter, and a heart-wrenching sense of longing for what had been lost.

For Charlotte, seeing Tommy alive, there, in this new place, it was like finding a piece of home.

A piece of Joel.

And it had been more than she could have hoped for.

He looked at her now, his eyes filled with more remorse at what had come next, "Maria, and the council, already had been firm that Jackson would stay off the grid. We stayed within the walls of the commune only leaving for supplies and patrols, and we didn't use the radio. If wanted to stay alive we stayed quiet." Tommy sniffed, "But I didn't listen. You were there, you who were supposed to be in Boston and I needed more than ever to know if Joel was okay. It took a couple of days, but I got a message back, he was okay and that was that."

He ran a tired hand over his face, feeling the weight of the confession he was about to make. "I wanted to tell him you were there, and I was going to when I finally got him on the radio myself. He spoke first, and I kept waiting for him to ask if you had made it to me, but it never came, and..." he trailed off, swallowing the hesitation in his words. "I remembered all those nights in Boston, the arguments you thought I didn't hear, the way he treated you in his grief that we both knew he had no way of getting out from under. All that you told me those first nights after you arrived, how completely shattered you were, and I just... I thought I was protecting you. I thought that I could help you move forward."

"I should've told you, I had so many chances to do so, but it was easier to push it off to the next time," he admitted, his voice tinged with regret. "But I didn't know how. I was a coward."

Charlotte studied him for a moment, despite there being barely a year between them, Charlotte being the older of two, throughout their entire friendship she had always felt much older due to her protectiveness of the youngest Miller. She supposed it was because he was Joel's younger brother and she adopted the role through him. Charlotte had had no younger siblings, and Tommy was the younger brother she never had.

But looking at him now, she saw that he had matured in ways she hadn't realized. He had assumed the role that Joel once held, taking care of her and providing guidance. He'd made sure Charlotte was taken care of and helped her continue her marksmanship tutorials. He taught her hand to hand combat that the military had taught him and brought Marcus in to assist. He had become a pillar of support without adopting Joel's domineering 'I know best' approach. Tommy had learned from the consequences of that behavior, even though he found himself inadvertently mirroring it now with her.

Her gaze softened, and Tommy felt the release of breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "I was afraid," Tommy confessed, his voice barely audible. "Afraid of what you would think... of what you would feel. I didn't want to pile on more pain, more hurt on you."

"And yet, that's exactly what you ended up doing," Charlotte replied, her tone not harsh but matter-of-fact

He pulled his hands from his pockets, feeling suffocated all of a sudden. "I still should've told you. I had no right to make that decision for you."

Charlotte sank deeper into the worn cushions of the sofa, her arms crossed over her chest. "No, you didn't," she affirmed, her voice a soft murmur in the room.

"I left Boston..." she began, her voice faltering as she stumbled over the memories. Her arms tightened around herself, as if physically holding herself together. "I left because it felt like there was nothing left there for me. Marlene had sold me out, Joel was - well, Joel. Everything was crashing down on me; it was like everything from that moment since that night all started just caught up with me. What was there left for me to do?"

She paused, a ghost of a smile twisting her lips. "Marlene handpicked a group to tail your crew... I honestly didn't think I'd even make it to Pittsburgh. The odds were against us from the start."

She let out a humorless chuckle, more to herself than for Tommy's benefit. "You know the funny thing? I think I was almost at peace with that. With the thought of just... not making it," she confessed, her voice barely a whisper, a raw admission of how close she was to giving up back then.

He took a moment, swallowing the lump in his throat, before finally managing to speak. "Charlotte...I..."

"I know it's not what you want to hear. But it's the truth," she said, her voice eerily calm. "I was at the end of my rope. I didn't care if I lived or died. And maybe... maybe part of me even wanted to die."

A heavy silence fell between them, the air thick with unspoken words and regrets.

"I didn't know," Tommy finally whispered, his voice barely audible. "I didn't know it had gotten that bad."

Charlotte shrugged, a small, humorless laugh escaping her. "No one did. Because I didn't want you to know. What good would it have done?" she gave Tommy a wry smile, "we've all just been trying to do the best we can to survive, and that was my way of doing so. It all just caught up with me in the end."

The silence stretching out between them was broken by Tommy. "I'm glad you made it."

Charlotte glanced down at Tommy's hands, the rhythmic tap, tap, tapping of his fingers a poignant reminder of Joel's habit. She sighed, and when she spoke again, her voice was steady.

"Yeah, me too."

"I'm truly sorry, Charlotte," he said, his voice shaky with the depth of his regret. "I just hope... hope that you can forgive me someday."

Charlotte raised a hand to stem the flow of words; he didn't need to say any more. Reclining back onto the sofa, she gazed up at the ceiling, drawing in a deep, steadying breath. Her voice wavered on the precipice of tears, echoing the turmoil that had been looping inside her head for the past two months. She voiced the thoughts that had kept her awake at night, the fears that had gnawed at her over the last two months.

“It's alright, Tommy," she exhaled, her words punctuated by an undercurrent of sorrow. "Somedays I almost wish you had mentioned those messages. That it might have given me an opportunity to confront him with the reality of his actions."

Charlotte pursed her lips as she shook her head, "But perhaps, maybe it's a good thing you didn't. Because I think... I think it could have just pushed me over the edge. Partly because of his indifference, but mostly because... if something were to have happened to him..." Her voice caught in her throat, and the words hung thickly in the air. "What could I have done? Nothing... And that, that feeling of helplessness might hurt more than anything else."

Charlotte was silent for a moment, her eyes thoughtful as she processed everything. She finally sighed, a weary but understanding look on her face.

"Honestly, Tommy, I don't know how to feel about all of this right now," she said gently. "But I'm willing to try and move past it."

"Yeah?" Tommy felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. A gentle smile grazed his lips as he gave Charlotte a single, reassuring nod. "One day at a time."

"No more secrets, Tommy." Charlotte sniffed, "If we're going to move forward, we have to do it honestly."

"No more secrets," he vowed solemnly.

---

The crowded woodland was starting to thin out, the early afternoon sun was warm and the open expanse in the distance as the last icy remnants of spring were giving away to the coming summer months. Through a clearing the open expanse of land they needed to cross before they would reach the gates of Jackson came into sight.

Even as the rustic buildings of Jackson started to form on the horizon, Joel's mind was elsewhere. The wide open spaces of Wyoming did little to distract him from the turmoil inside his head. Each step forward felt heavier than the last, even though they were bringing them closer to a new life. A promise of something resembling stability, but for Joel it was akin to walking back into a storm he'd been avoiding for far too long.

His decision to save Ellie from the Fireflies had been instinctual, the father in him acting without hesitation. But the lie he'd told her in the aftermath had been a choice, a deliberate action meant to protect her. The weight of that lie felt heavier with each passing mile, a reminder of the lengths he would go to keep Ellie safe.

But Ellie wasn't the only ghost haunting him. As they drew nearer to Jackson, the specter of Charlotte loomed larger in his thoughts. She was an echo of a past he'd done his best to bury, a wound that had scabbed over but never quite healed. The thought of seeing her again stirred a mix of dread and longing in his chest. Charlotte had left him in Boston, a decision that had shaken Joel to his foundations. He'd told himself time and time again that he didn't care, that her leaving was just another casualty in a world filled with them. But that lie, much like the one he'd told Ellie, had done little to dull the pain.

Much like he had done with Ellie on the subject of Tess, he had said the same to Tess, do not bring up Charlotte. Ever.

Tess had rained down question after question to Joel, on the morning after Charlotte's departure of the QZ, she and Joel had argued fiercely. They'd had a deal with Miguel 'Santiago' that needed Charlotte's presence or it wasn't going to happen. He ran the Spanish Quarter, the hub of the Latino community that took over a large part of the northern end of the Boston QZ. They were notorious equally for taking care of their own and their fought over "Sabor de Fuego", moonshine. Charlotte had managed to fall into the enigmatic man's favour inadvertently building a steady lucrative business for Tess and Joel.

With Charlotte now gone, so was their tie to the elusive quarter. Overnight the crew that had taken over the corner of Stillman and Cross were gone, like they'd never been there at all. Not much too dissimilar to Charlotte from Joel's lips.

His past was clawing its way back into the present. The man he had become in the absence of Charlotte was a mere shadow of his former self, fading in and out of existence like a half-remembered dream. His feelings for her, the ones he had buried deep within the pits of his heart, had began to unravel in a tortuous, slow burn since the moment he'd laid eyes on her back in December. The guilt of his inaction, the regret of his harsh words, the sorrow of losing her – they were feelings he couldn’t outrun, not anymore.

But Joel was a man built on resilience and endurance. He understood the weight of the past, how it could both anchor and set a man adrift. He knew that to find peace, he had to face those realities he had long shunned. Joel carried his past, his guilt, his unresolved feelings for Charlotte, not as a burden but as a reminder of the man he was and the man he wanted to be. He recognized the truth, as painful as it was: reconciliation started with confrontation.

As the walls of Jackson loomed in the distance, a sense of finality washed over him. Returning would not just mean facing the past; it would mean understanding it, accepting it, and learning to navigate the heavy waves of regret and guilt. It would mean coming to terms with the fact that his past actions had irreversible consequences, that he was as much a victim of his own decisions as he was a survivor of a world gone awry.

Beside him, Ellie trudged along, her youthful face mirroring his own inner turmoil. The sun glinted off her hair, painting her in a warm glow. Yet, her silence was deafening. She too was stepping into a world unknown, an uncertain future, and a part of him wished he could shield her from the truths that lay ahead.

He had lied to her, woven a tale to protect her from the harsh reality. But he knew Ellie saw through his facade, the cracks in his story. She was perceptive, far too perceptive to wholeheartedly believe his words.

He wanted to reach out to her, to offer comfort and reassurance, but the weight of his deceit held him back. How could he explain the tangled web of choices he had made, the lives he had impacted, all in the name of protecting her? The fireflies, Marlene, the desperate fight for a cure—they were all pieces of a puzzle that he couldn't bring himself to assemble for her.

Joel grappled with the conflict within him, torn between his desire to shield Ellie from pain and his longing for her to understand the complicated choices he had made. But he couldn't find the words to bridge the divide between them that had come as a result of his lie.

As they neared the town, the aroma of freshly cut wood, livestock and the the faint whisper of a cool breeze carrying the scent of the nearby river mingled, grounding Joel back into the present. He took a deep breath, his gaze flitting between the familiar structures and the gates ahead. This was a turning point, the threshold to a new life promising some semblance of peace and stability.

"Think they'll give us the same place?" Ellie finally broke the silence, her voice soft and tentative, pulling Joel from his thoughts.

"Maybe," Joel replied after a moment of consideration. "Don't see why not."

There was a long pause as they continued to move forward, the town drawing ever closer. The familiar structures of Jackson were now clear against the afternoon sky, the outlines sharp and real.

Ellie broke the silence again, her voice barely audible against the rustling of the wind. "I've never really had a home...outside of the school, I mean. This...it's different."

Joel glanced at her, a wave of sympathy washing over him. He knew all too well the unsettling feeling of trying to create a home amidst chaos. "It'll take some time, Ellie," he said quietly, "But it can be home, if you want it to be."

Jackson was a chance for a new beginning, an opportunity to mend the broken threads of their pasts and weave a new narrative for themselves. Joel had seen a significant shift within himself through his journey with Ellie, a warmth had rekindled inside him, a softness had returned that he thought was lost forever. Ellie had become more than just a reluctant task or mere cargo; she had somehow filled a void in his heart, a place where he hadn't dared to let anyone in since Sarah. The thought of losing her was unbearable; hence he had chosen her life over a gamble at a cure. Joel only hoped now, as they tried to settle into a semblance of normalcy in Jackson, that the echo of the lie he had told her, a lie that kept her alive, wouldn't shatter this newfound peace and the familial bond they had formed on their hellish journey.

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