#and the part where the monster subtly gets access to the safe room is just 🤌🤌

[debestiez]

amnesia: the bunker is so good it’s genuinely pissing me off

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Episode 3: Fear Response

You know the drill. Thoughts with time stamps coming your way.

SPOILERS AHEAD

0:55 - Is Martin really that delusional? He killed people and he thinks his wife isn’t going to divorce him?!? 

1:23 - “A woman overlooks things.” No. I’m sorry. But Jessica’s mother sounds kind of awful. No one should have to overlook “things” in a marriage. Communicate people. Don’t settle. Compromise. Love. Forgive. Don’t overlook red flags.

1:47 - Lay down the law Jessica. That’s my girl. This is the moment I fell in love with Jessica. 

3:19 - Malcolm leaves his phone in another room when he sleeps? Good for him. My technology addicted ass could never do that. Plus it’s my alarm clock so you know - there’s that. 

3:30 - Jessica owns the building Malcolm lives in. This raises a lot of questions for me about Malcolm’s finances. He was clearly getting paid by the FBI. I assume the NYPD is also paying him. Does he have access to the family money? Is he paying rent for his loft? Or does he live rent free because it’s the “family building”?!? The finances of people who grew up rich is such a mystery to me. How does it work when your rich parents are still alive? 

3:49 - He flung himself out a window. He was having a nightmare and it caused him to fling himself out a window while he was still asleep. This. Boy. Needs. A. Hug. Also real sleep. And peace. 

4:48 - “I just watched you throw yourself out a window.” Did you see Malcolm’s facial expression after she said that. It was a look that says “I know I’m broken. I don’t like it. I’m sorry. I’m doing my best. I’m ashamed.”

5:10 -  He knows. He knows his mental health is a mess but he lies to his mother anyways. He wants to be brave for her. He doesn’t want her to worry about him. She’s suffered enough. She’s worried enough. He doesn’t want to be a burden. My heart breaks for Malcolm in this scene.

5:35 - Look I have personal issues with shrinks but I’m really happy Malcolm has someone to talk to. Also she’s such a cool therapist. She’s kind and respectful without being demeaning and coddling. 

7:00 - I LOVE that Malcolm is sitting with his legs folded. It’s super cute. Also it reinforces the idea that he’s in a vulnerable state.

7:22 - Does Malcolm have social anxiety? The way he approaches this crime scene it almost looks like he’s rehearsing what he’s going to do/say when he arrives. It’s a very common social anxiety habit. 

7:38 - He took enough lollipops to share. That might be the sweetest thing in the world. Gil looks so happy. Dani and JT look so confused. I wonder if Malcolm is sharing lollipops to subtly tell Gil that he’s seeing his therapist and he’s getting help. 

8:11 - Another awkward Edrisa and Bright interaction. I’m cringing. 

8:50 - Do you ever wonder what Mr.David’s job description is? I do. I mean does he just stand there watching Martin all day. Is he supposed to talk to Martin? Is he supposed to prevent Martin from hurting himself? I mean I love Mr.David but if Martin is alone in his room why does Mr.David need to be there? Martin is chained to the wall. 

10:10 - Oh hell no. That’s nasty. Also Malcolm looks way too excited about the brain removal. 

10:34 - Ok. So I don’t ship Maldrisa. BUT that little smile that Malcolm just gave Edrisa is warming my cold, dead heart. 

11:05 - The victim was scared to death. Malcolm is currently suffering from increased mental distress caused by his father and extreme night terrors. And now the victim has been scared to death. Irony? Foreshadowing?

12:03 - hahaha Gil’s face. He’s like “I can’t explain that boy’s behaviour.”.

12:07 - STOP. Right now. Does Malcolm really have his own desk?!? So he’s like officially employed right? This isn’t some irregular consultation gig that Gil has arranged. Our boy has a desk. Our boy is permanent. I am so happy. 

12:30 - Mr.David doesn’t deserve to have to bend to Martin’s will.  “Could you mute that please”. That man better be getting a pretty penny from this job. 

12:40 - How does Martin get this case info?!? I don’t see the newspapers/newscasts mentioning the incision on the side of the victim’s skull. 

13:30 - Oh and whose fault is that Martin? Ugh. I wish Martin just wouldn’t talk to Malcolm anymore. He really aggravates Malcolm’s anxiety.

14:33 - I am both touched and slightly creeped out that Gil has been staring at Malcolm through a window while he was on the phone. 

15:07 - Fanboy alert. It’s honestly so freaking sweet to see Malcolm this excited....but it’s really not the time. 

16:10 - What exactly does Jessica do all day? Does she just watch the news and keep tabs on her children? That’s kind of sad. For Jessica. I wish she were able to have more of a social life despite what Martin did.

17:12 - Ainsley, sweetheart, I love you. I see where you’re coming from. But your Mother did the right thing for you. You shouldn’t have to remember a monster. 

18:40 - Dang. Dani looks beautiful in that shade of blue. 

19:30 - Do you ever wonder why Malcolm doesn’t carry a gun with the NYPD? He’s qualified to carry a gun since he used to work for the FBI. Do you think he’s not allowed to carry one since he’s technically not a police officer with the NYPD? I prefer to believe that he refuses to carry a gun with the NYPD because he’s terrified of what he might do with a gun. To a suspect. To himself (presuming he stores it at home when he’s not working).

20:12 - Again. Malcolm is not a killer. Look at his concern for Dr. Brown in this scene.

21:21 - JT’s writing the report. Do they all have to make a report for every case or do they take turns writing a single report (like a group project) for every case? I’m very curious. 

21:23 - oooooohhhh Dad is angry. And concerned. 

21:50 - Do you ever wonder what classes Bright took in university? I do. He has a degree in psychology but he seems to know a lot about specific medications, medical conditions, and medicine in general. Is that because of Martin? Maybe? But a lot of his knowledge seems way beyond what a 10 year old could understand and retain. 

24:10 - I love this scene. It suggests that there was a point in time when Gil and Jessica talked frequently. Maybe they were even friends. It suggests that they bonded over how much they love Malcolm. Makes me wonder what kind of a relationship Gil has/had with Ainsley.

27:48 - This. This is how much Jessica loves Malcolm. Yes she oversteps boundaries and she can come across as cold and distant. BUT she is willing to see a man that terrifies her. Who caused her so much pain. A man that she hates. Simply because she wants to keep her son healthy and safe. That right there is a good mother. 

28:28 - This is my favourite running gag of the series. I genuinely want to know what JT stands for. If it’s not something ridiculous like “James Tiberius” or “Justin Timberlake” because JT’s parents were big nerds I will be so disappointed. 

29:00 - This conversation about trust and respect between JT and Malcolm is everything. It really solidifies their friendship. You can tell that from this point onward JT is much warmer toward Malcolm. I love this. So much. 

29:15 - What branch of the military was JT a part of? Marine? Air Force? Army? Navy?

30:08 - Malcolm’s list of diagnoses. Yikes. :( My heart is shattered.  

30:21 - The look in Malcolm’s eyes here. Just. No. Ouch. That hurts. This boy needs a hug. 

32:30 - I kind of don’t feel bad for this woman. She kind of sucks.

32:50 - I like to believe that JT is texting his wife in this scene. I like to believe he’s telling her about how he got stuck babysitting the weirdo who keeps guessing what his name stands for. 

32:52 - I’m sorry. What? What did JT see that caused him to get out of the car. Malcolm hasn’t called him yet and that house looks normal on the outside. 

34:14 - The fact that Malcolm can empathize with killers is beautiful and terrible. It’s a wonderful quality but it’s probably not great for his mental health.

34:55 - That’s a concussion.

36:15 - I get the feeling that half the time when Malcolm’s talking down a killer he’s really talking to himself. That breaks my heart.

36:38 - Malcolm’s manic guesses of JT name is very concerning. I’m worried for this boy. I really hope someone got him checked out for a concussion.

37:12 - Ugh. Don’t look at her like she’s a piece of meat. 

37:33 - The way Jessica and Martin interact really makes me question what their married relationship was like. Did they argue a lot? Did they show a lot of PDA? I have questions.

38:30 - The way Jessica insults Martin is my favourite thing. It’s freaking hilarious.

39:10 - If Martin is a psychopath he legitimately can’t feel pride for his children. Right? So he’s lying here?

40:40 - What was the whole story? What did Jessica do? Was it the alcoholism? Is that what he’s referring to?

42:00 - DUDE. Please don’t drug yourself. You are so desperate for answers that you’ve become self-destructive. I want you to be safe. 

I love this show. Ugh. If you read through any of this - thanks for hanging out. I hope to post my thoughts on the next episode soon. 

[trinuviel]

Winterfell’s Daughter. On Sansa Stark (part 10)

This is the 10th installment in my analysis of Sansa Stark’s narrative arc in Game of Thrones (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9). In this post I’ll primarily focus on episode 9 of season 2, titled Blackwater, which was written by George R.R. Martin himself. We’ve come to the conclusion of Sansa’s season 2 arc and this episode sums up all the relationships that Sansa has with various characters during the season: Joffrey Baratheon, Cersei Lannister, Tyrion Lannister, Shae and Sandor Clegane. It is also an episode that emphasizes Sansa’s kindness and bravery.

This is a really long so the rest is under the cut.

PREPARING FOR A SIEGE

The fleet of Stannis Baratheon has almost reached King’s Landing and the Lannisters are preparing for a siege. Sansa and Shae are in the throne room on Joffrey’s orders when they encounter Tyrion. 

They engage in a short conversation where Sansa proves that she has mastered to politely express exactly what she thinks about any member of House Lannister.

Tyrion: Will you?

I love this exchange because this is a good example of Sansa using her courtesy as a lady’s armour. She is polite on the surface but anyone who can detect the subtext will know that she’s meaning the opposite of what she says. Tyrion is clever enough to understand her meaning as it isn’t difficult to realize that she holds little love for Joffrey. Tyrion may have been kind to her but he’s still a Lannister and he’s now actively working to keep Joffrey on the throne - the boy who had her father killed and who has his King’s Guard physically abuse her

Joffrey arrives and calls Sansa over to him. He commands Sansa to kiss his sword and then he crows about how he’s kill Stannis and make Sansa taste his blood - because Joffrey never fails be gross like that.

However, this exchange also shows us Sansa attempting to manipulate Joffrey into putting himself in danger during the battle. From the incident with Ser Dontos in ep01 Sansa has learned that the key to manipulate Joffrey is appealing to his overinflated ego. She saved Ser Dontos by stroking his ego, saying that he was clever to see that Dontos was a fool and that Joffrey should make him a jester as a punishment instead of killing him. Now she tries to manipulate him by goading his ego when she asks:

Joff (ill at ease): A king doesn’t discuss battleplans with stupid girls.

Sansa: I’m sorry, Your Grace. You’re right, I’m stupid. Of course you’ll be in the vanguard. They say my brother Robb always goes where the fighting is thickest. And he’s only a pretender.

She brings up the military prowness and personal bravery of her brother, knowing full well that Joffrey cannot stand anyone else looking better than him. All the while playing the role of the stupid girl that Joffrey thinks she is. Ironically, the joke is on Joffrey as he is too stupid to realize that Sansa is trying to manipulate him into putting himself into harm’s way.

After Joffrey leaves, Shae goes to Sansa and mentions that many of the boys that now go into battle will never come back. Shae is, of course, worried about Tyrion who is her lover though Sansa doesn’t know this. However, Sansa answers thusly:

This is such a sad statement because it shows how disillusioned Sansa has become and how defeated she has come to feel. The younger and more idealistic Sansa would have believed that evil would be punished and goodness rewarded. The world doesn’t always work this way and Sansa has realized that the hard way. However, sometimes even the monsters will fall but Sansa won’t experience this for quite some time.

A TOXIC MENTOR

After the conversations in the throne room, Sansa and Shae retreats to Maegor’s Holdfast where Queen Cersei and the women of the Red Keep has sought refuge during the battle. As soon as Cersei spots Sansa, she calls her over - and just before she joins Cersei, Sansa lets her true feelings be known to Shae.

Sansa: I don’t know why she [Cersei] wants me here. She’s always saying how stupid I am. She hates me.

Sansa: I doubt it.

Shae: Maybe she’s jealous of you?

Sansa: Why would she be jealous?

The notion of Cersei being jealous of Sansa is an interesting angle - and I do think that it has some merit. But what is it about Sansa that Cersei is jealous of? Is it her youth? Her beauty? Or that Sansa will be queen? I don’t think so. Rather it may very well be Sansa’s innocence and idealism, which has been shaped by her upbringing in the bosom of a happy, stable and loving family. This could explain the way that Cersei reacts when she sees Sansa praying with a group of women.

Cersei: What are you doing?

Sansa: Praying.

Cersei: You’re just perfect, aren’t you. What are you praying for?

Sansa: For the gods to have mercy on us all.

Cersei: Oh, all of us?

Sansa: Yes, Your Grace.

Cersei: Even me?

Sansa: Of course, Your Grace.

Cersei: Even Joffrey?

Sansa (hesitates before she begins to give her rote reply): Joffrey is my… 

Cersei: Oh, shut up, you little fool.

Cersei is being sarcastic when she calls Sansa “perfect” but I also think that she’s a little bit jealous, especially since she then proceeds to tell Sansa about how her father told her that the gods don’t have mercy when she prayed after her mother’s death when she was a young child, revealing just one of the many ways that makes Tywin Lannister a shitty parent. This jealous streak may also be a reason why Cersei bullies Sansa. She constantly belittles her, calling her stupid and a little fool. Even the way that Cersei presses a reluctant Sansa to drink wine is a form of bullying.

The scenes between Cersei and Sansa during the siege are highly entertaining, mainly because Lena Heady really nails a slightly drunk Cersei airing her bitterness for all to see. Cersei dominates the scenes between her and Sansa in Maegor’s – she’s the one that holds the forth on her opinions and Sansa only answers when Cersei makes it clear she wants a response. This is also underscored by the camera work since the camera is mainly on Cersei whilst it only occasionally cuts to reaction shots of Sansa.

It is a bit difficult to write about from Sansa’s perspective because she comes off as rather passive. However, it is worth noting that Sansa doesn’t really want to be there and she certainly doesn’t want to spend time with Cersei so she’s very guarded and only reacts when prodded or shocked by Cersei. A good example is when Cersei suggests that a woman’s best weapon is between her legs. 

Cersei: Have I shocked you, little dove?

This is Cersei acting as a toxic mentor to Sansa, doling out what she considers “wisdom”, such as making use of a weaponized sexuality. Another example of Cersei’s toxic mentoring is when she orders disloyal servants executed as an example to others who might think to leave the keep. Cersei follows the Tywin Lannister school of political thought, i.e. ruling through fear.

Cersei: The only way to keep the small folk loyal is to make certain that they fear you more than they fear the enemy. Remember that if you ever become a queen.

This is where the show falls short of the books because Sansa is so very guarded with Cersei and, unlike the books, the audience hasn’t access to Sansa’s private thoughts. She’ll never tell the queen that she thinks differently but the books makes it clear that she rejects Cersei’s toxic “wisdom”.

"The night's first traitors," the queen said, "but not the last, I fear. Have Ser Ilyn see to them, and put their heads on pikes outside the stables as a warning." As they left, she turned to Sansa. "Another lesson you should learn, if you hope to sit beside my son. Be gentle on a night like this and you'll have treasons popping up all about you like mushrooms after a hard rain. The only way to keep your people loyal is to make certain they fear you more than they do the enemy."

"I will remember, Your Grace," said Sansa, though she had always heard that love was a surer route to the people's loyalty than fear. If I am ever a queen, I'll make them love me. (ACoK, Sansa VI)

There is, however, one moment where it appears as though Sansa subtly rebukes Cersei - and that is when Cersei bitterly laments that she’s forced to be shut up in the keep with all the frightened women. Sansa responds like this: 

Here Sansa reminds Cersei that she has certain responsibilities as queen during a siege - to keep the women safe and their spirits up. She cannot afford a panic. However, Cersei bitterly responds:

Cersei: It was expected of me, as it will be of you if you ever become Joffrey’s queen. If my wretched brother should somehow prevail, these hens will return to their cocks and crow of how my courage inspired them.

During the scenes in Maegor’s Holdfast, Cersei belittles Sansa and delivers her own brand of toxic “wisdom”. However, she also abuses Sansa emotionally. First when she spells out what will happen to the women if the city falls, making sure to point out that Sansa would be a particularly delectable victim for the rapers:

Cersei: Do you have any notion of what happens when a city is sacked? No, you wouldn’t, would you? If the city falls, these fine women should be in for a bit of rape. Half of them will have bastards in their bellies come the morning. You’ll be glad of your red flower then.

Cersei: When a man’s blood is up, anything with tits look good. A precious thing like you will look very, very good. A slice of cake, just waiting to be eaten.

Now Sansa drinks unprompted because she’s scared. This is Cersei being outright cruel! This scene takes place not long after the Bred Riots where Sansa came very close to being raped – she still has an wound on her cheekbone from that attack. This is no longer about Cersei doling out her toxic womanly “wisdom”, this is Cersei emotionally abusing a traumatized young girl.

Later on, Cersei gets even more specific in her torment of Sansa when she lets the girl know that Ser Ilyn Payne will kill her if the city falls to Stannis’ troops. 

Cersei: When I told you about Ser Ilyn earlier, I lied. Do you want to hear the truth? You want to know why he’s really here? He’s here for us. Stannis may take the throne, but he will not take us alive.

Cersei is directly threatening Sansa’s life here. I understand why Cersei doesn’t want to fall into enemy hands but she wants to take Sansa with her into death out of pure spite! Sansa would be an important hostage for Stannis and Cersei wants to deprive him of that. This is made particularly clear in the books:

"You heard me. So perhaps you had best pray again, Sansa, and for a different outcome. The Starks will have no joy from the fall of House Lannister, I promise you." She reached out and touched Sansa's hair, brushing it lightly away from her neck. (ACoK, Sansa VI)

Despite all this mental abuse it is Sansa that rises to the occasion when Lancel Lannister arrives to tell Cersei that the battle is lost. Cersei immediately abandons her responsibilites and leaves the women, who start to panic. This is where Sansa steps up and does what Cersei ought to have been doing: Keeping people calm! It is even more remarkable when you consider that most of these women have repeatedly stood silently by whilst they witnessed Sansa being physically abused. Sansa has no reason to care about these women and their fear – yet she steps up all the same – and remember that she has just been informed that Ser Illyn will murder her if the city falls and that is the exact news that Lancel brought. So, even when her very life is immediate danger, Sansa still takes the time to calm the fears of people that she has no reason to care about!

(She proceeds to lead them in singing the Mother’s Hymn)

Sansa, not Cersei, is the one that is acting the Queen here!

She shows herself to be both compassionate and brave since she’s probably even more afraid than anyone else in the room, knowing that she may very well lose her life at any moment because of Cersei’s orders. 

“DO YOU WANT TO GO HOME?”

After having rallied the spirits of the women, Sansa leaves on the advice of Shae and locks herself into her chamber. This is also the first time that Sansa shows the strain she has been under as she leans against the door she has just bolted shut. Then she picks up the doll that Ned gave her in season 1. There’s something both beautiful and sad about her attachment to this doll. Once it was a reminder of Lady’s death, now it represents her last tangible link to her father and it has become a source of comfort to her.

However, her peace is quickly broken when she discovers that Sandor Clegane is hiding in her chambers. When she demands what he’s doing there, he answers that he’s leaving, perhaps going north. At this point everybody thinks that the battle is lost and Cersei has spent hours filling Sansa’s head with the potential threats of rape and death - and now she finds a notorious warrior hidden in her chambers. Frankly, it is amazing that Sansa isn’t a complete wreck by now.

Sandor: I can take you with me. Take you to Winterfell. I’ll keep you safe. Do you want to go home? (He walks towards her)

This exchange is so weird (she knows she isn’t safe) – because she’s just been filled with stories about getting raped and threatened with death but she doesn’t want to go with Sandor, even though we know she wants to go home. Obviously she doesn’t trust him but the show hasn’t really given us any reasons why she distrusts him (other than the fact that he’s a Lannister man). Neither has the show given any narrative motive for the Hound to show up in Sansa’s chambers (due to giving LF his dialogue in season 1. I have discussed this issue elsewhere). I honestly, think that this scene could have been completely cut without it mucking up any of the story lines.

Then Sandor suddenly lunges at her and she visibly flinches, so there’s an indication that she’s afraid of him.

Sandor: Look at me. Stannis is a killer. The Lannisters are killers. Your father was a killer. Your brother is a killer. Your sons will be killers someday. The world is built by killers. So you better get used to looking at them.

Sansa looks him in the eye, unflinchingly. All the while holding her doll, which makes her look very childlike and vulnerable.

Sansa: You won’t hurt me.

Sandor: No, little bird, I won’t hurt you. (He leaves)

IMO, this exchange is narratively superfluous since they already had the “all men are killers” conversation in ep07. I honestly don’t understand the point of this scene as it is written and I don’t know why this scene was written so differently from what it is like in the book. In the book it is clear that Sansa has cause to be afraid of the Hound since he physically assaults her:

"I could keep you safe," he rasped. "They're all afraid of me. No one would hurt you again, or I'd kill them." He yanked her closer, and for a moment she thought he meant to kiss her. He was too strong to fight. She closed her eyes, wanting it to be over, but nothing happened. "Still can't bear to look, can you?" she heard him say. He gave her arm a hard wrench, pulling her around and shoving her down onto the bed. "I'll have that song. Florian and Jonquil, you said." His dagger was out, poised at her throat. "Sing, little bird. Sing for your little life." 

Her throat was dry and tight with fear, and every song she had ever known had fled from her mind. Please don't kill me, she wanted to scream, please don't. She could feel him twisting the point, pushing it into her throat, and she almost closed her eyes again, but then she remembered. It was not the song of Florian and Jonquil, but it was a song. Her voice sounded small and thin and tremulous in her ears. Gentle Mother, font of mercy... (ACoK, Sansa VII)

As said, I don’t know why this scene was written so differently from the source material and by GRRM himself no less! The showrunners are clearly not afraid of brutalizing Sansa as shown by the unnecessary and graphic near rape earlier in the season. Furthermore, a lot of viewers were confused as to why Sansa didn’t leave with the Hound since we’ve only seen him defend and rescue her in season 2. However, this scene does in fact contain a call back to a deleted scene that takes place immediately after the torturous dinner with Cersei in ep02. 

In this deleted scene Sansa is cornered by Sandor Clegane as she’s walking back to her chambers after spending an evening being emotionally tortured by Cersei. Not only does Sandor blatantly leer at her, he also talks about how she’s soon ripe for bedding and he physically intimidates her to the point of grabbing her, causing Sansa to cry out that he’s hurting her. He demands that she sings him a song and she looks at him defiantly, saying:

Sansa: You won’t hurt me.

However, Sandor doesn’t back off here. Instead, he grabs her again and shakes her, once again physically overpowering her.

It is Tyrion that finally puts a stop to Sandor’s abuse though Sansa does stand up for herself. However, she is terrified of the Hound, which comes across very clearly in the still photos from the scene.

If this scene had been included in the final cut of the episode, then the general audience might not have been as confused as to why Sansa chose not to go with Sandor. While he’d probably be able to keep her safe from others, it is very possible that Sansa would not have been safe from him.

The Lannister victory crushes Sansa’s dream of escaping her captors and putting an end to her abuse. However, Joffrey setting her aside as his betrothed in favour of Margaery Tyrell briefly lifts her spirit.

Yet Petyr Baelish immediately steps in to shatter this sense of relief and hope as he implies that Joffrey will still abuse her, both physically and sexually. Then he offers to help her get home (out of his “brotherly” feelings for her mother Catelyn).

I believe that this is the moment when Baelish starts to make his play to secure Sansa as a pawn, not only for his political ambitions but also for his personal obsession with her mother. After all, Catelyn violently rejected his advances at Renlyn’s camp and now he’s transferring his obsession with Catelyn onto her daughter. Baelish isn’t necessarily lying – Joffrey likes to torment Sansa - but he’s also deliberately scaring her, keeping her on an uneven footing all the while  he’s also dangling the prospect of home in front of her. However, Sansa’s reply to him (King’s Landing is my home now) also shows that she doesn’t trust him. Interestingly, this scene is followed by a scene between Ros and Varys where it is explicitly stated that Baelish is a very dangerous man and thus the editing subtly suggests that he also represents a danger to Sansa.

Whilst Sansa and Baelish has interacted before, this is the moment when he enters Sansa’s narrative arc in truth and his character will stay entangled in her narrative for several seasons to come.

(GIFs and edits not mine)

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

Barbie may not be out of the closet yet, but her fans sure are

Has there ever really been a gay doll? 

Well, yes and no. In 1977, "Gay Bob," marketed as the world's first gay doll, was sold through mail-order ads in gay magazines. And I'm sure that Mattel still thinks about the "Earring Magic Ken" fiasco of 1993, and his "necklace." 

But there's nothing inherently gay about dolls themselves – they're toys, pieces of plastic after all. In the same vein, there's nothing inherently gay about doll collecting as a hobby, as a passion, as an art form. 

Dolls are cultural reflections of the times, for better or worse. But doll brands like Barbie that are symbols of hyper-heteronormative, old-school femininity are being reclaimed and reinterpreted by adult LGBTQ collectors in a new way. And don't think the toy companies are unaware — they’re not, and they are absolutely involved. 

More recently the main way collectors are expressing this kind of love and solidarity, and where community can be found, is through the internet and social media. This is a space where the toys' brand narrative has usually been out of corporate hands. But companies like Mattel are in it now, noticing these LGBTQ fan communities, and vying for their digital eyes.  

Now THIS is what the Dreamhouse should look like.

Image: THE SIMPSONS/ Fox

Coming out of the (doll) closet  

Many adult collectors choose dolls because of the nostalgia associated with collecting toys from their childhood. Younger LGBTQ collectors aren’t connecting as much over the nostalgic dolls themselves, as much as they are using social media to connect with other gay fans. 

Tumblr user @dolljunk, who used to collect Barbies as a young boy, got into it again as a young adult through online fandoms. “Internet groups were a great way of connecting to other collectors. I had never even heard of [doll-related social media], let alone other collectors and when I went to my local library, I found a multitude of forums and fan sites that detailed how people collected dolls such as customizing, photography, and numerous guides for doll releases. It really opened my eyes to another side of playing with and seeing dolls.” 

LGBTQ collectors are also identifying with the messages of newer doll franchises, and the potential for what the dolls can represent. Monster High collectors in particular are mostly Millennials who never grew up playing with the dolls themselves, but with whom the brand's identity has resonated. 

Dott, a doll collector active on social media, introduced her collection, saying “I mostly collect Monster High, but there's some Barbies, Ever After Highs, and Descendants strewn in there." For reference, all of these brands were created after 2009. "Monster High's my main focus because...well, I think I connect with the lore the most. Unlike a lot of doll collectors, I love the lore aspect as much as, if not more, than the actual dolls. And there's something about the MH media that I just adored.” 

In an article from the University of Connecticut titled "Valuing queer identity in Monster High doll fandom," author Sara Mariel Austin wrote that "Monster High's recent ad campaign claims, 'We are monsters. We are proud.' Race, ethnicity, and disability are coded into the dolls as selling points. The allure of Monster High is, in part, that political identity and the celebration of difference..."

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The #Goochella monsters couldn’t get enough of the #FierceRocker’s freaky-fab cover of @LadyGaga’s song, Born This Way! 🙌💁🙌 Thanks for showing us that any dream is possible if you are brave enough to put yourself out there! 💪❤️ #KindMonsters #MonsterHigh

A post shared by Monster High (@monsterhigh) on Apr 21, 2016 at 8:05am PDT

If the messages intrinsic to these brand identities are like this, it's no wonder that LGBTQ doll collectors connect with these dolls on an emotional level. Social media doll communities like "Dollblr" and "Dollstagram" have also inspired other ways for a group that's traditionally marginalized to express themselves.

A passion for fashion: doll artistry and expression

Doll collecting is, inherently, at least somewhat escapist. There’s something that feels revolutionary about being constantly bombarded with the idolized bodies and lives of cisgender heterosexuals on social media, and then going “screw that! I’m gonna take this toy, make it a representation of me, and imagine a new world with it.” 

Utilizing dolls as an art form – through mediums like photography, clothes-making, customization/modification, and fanart – allow for LGBTQ collectors to envision a world free of toxic masculinity. Creating doll art in and for an online world allows a safe space for folks to literally “play” with their own femininity and subvert gender roles as they see fit. 

“It's something that's a nice escape from real life? We aren't worrying about gay stuff if we're rerooting a doll head, cause we keep pricking our fingers on accident, and our wrists and palms are sore from using pliers. In all seriousness, I think it's a form of self-expression,” Dott told Mashable about the physical art of doll modification and customization.

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A post shared by Barbination™ (@barbination) on Mar 10, 2019 at 3:31am PDT

The way that @dolljunk connects to his collection emotionally through art is similar. “Dolls and toy collecting [are] a great creative outlet...and can encompass fashion design, hair styling and face painting/makeup while also offering a way of creating new items,” he said. 

"It resulted in me becoming more secure in my identity and interests because Barbie, for better or for worse, is a symbol of hyper femininity that doesn't allow any room for toxic masculinity in her world. Being able to get in touch with my feminine side and interests was a big contributor to accepting my sexuality as being an intrinsic aspect of myself that didn't need to be changed,” @dolljunk said.

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A post shared by Barbievette (@barbieboyvette) on Dec 31, 2018 at 1:52pm PST

And for many LGBTQ folks, especially gay boys and trans girls, that's incredibly important. Even Carlyle Nuera, who is now the lead designer for Barbie Signature at Mattel, sees the growth in these social media communities as being rooted in collective childhood experiences. 

“I think for a lot of us, in different ways, for different reasons, we feel repressed growing up," Nuera said. "Depending on our homes, our family situation, we might not feel safe expressing ourselves. I think a lot of people when they start to have expendable income, they kinda create this fantasy world, this beauty that they never really had access to as a kid. They can see it — and I think they can sort of create it with their own dolls, by customizing their own dolls, or with photography. And then also to share with other people, cause you can connect with other people [on social media].” 

Dolls are humanoid, so it’s easy to project our wants, desires, and dreams onto them. And if we alter their resemblance enough, they can mirror us back in ways we hope society will someday. 

Does life in the Dreamhouse have to be so straight?  

Toy companies, though, are already creating their own miniature worlds with their own identities for the dolls through tie-in media. With various outlets and extensions of their brand, they impose their own meanings onto the products. Mattel and Hasbro, for example, have their own TV shows and movies. Barbie has the Netflix series Life in the Dreamhouse; Monster High and Ever After High had their own movies and webisodes, and Hasbro has the massively successful My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic series.

They also have flashy social media accounts with good fashion photography and witty interactions. Barbie is now an Instagram influencer, as well as a vlogger with her own popular YouTube series. Mattel once ran an entire in-universe Monster High school newspaper through their Tumblr account. 

The presence of toy companies on social media is intriguing though, given that the minimum age for Instagram, Tumblr, and Facebook is 13. So who really is the audience for these branded doll accounts? 

While these companies likely don’t want to risk alienating the parents who buy dolls as toys for their kids, it's also seems fair to say they want to capture this LGBTQ adult interest in their products. There have been brand partnerships like with Crayola, meant to solely market towards kids. But when you have Mattel partnering with Lady Gaga’s Born this Way Foundation for Monster High, it’s obvious that they spend at least some time thinking about their messaging that can be subtly aimed at the LGBTQ community. 

Especially since in a lot of their media franchises, there's a heavy focus on messages about being yourself, accepting others, and celebrating our differences — great lessons for kids of course, but all of which resonate deeply with LGBTQ doll fans. 

Milissa C. is a big fan of the Monster High and Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse series, alongside collecting the dolls themselves. She believes that the connection between the brands and the fans is deliberate. "[We] members of the LGBT+ community are oftentimes made to feel like we are not normal because of our feelings and our identities. Monster High encourages people to celebrate what makes them unique, 'freaky flaws' [as the main character Frankie Stein says] and all. LGBT+ doll collecting communities will certainly imagine more of their dolls to represent themselves. Every time I see a post from the official Barbie Instagram accounts where Barbie is obviously having a date night with a lady friend, I think — bi queen!"

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It’s a museum date! Taking in the @mickalenethomas exhibit today at @mocalosangeles. See more from the galleries in Stories. 💙 #MickaleneThomas #barbie #barbiestyle

A post shared by Barbie® (@barbiestyle) on Feb 1, 2017 at 2:26pm PST

Connecting to the storylines as much or more than to the dolls themselves is a celebration of LGBTQ identity, in Dott’s case. “Mostly because Monster High's entire concept is centered around embracing who you are. Plus, it was my special interest when I realized I was a lesbian. Mattel never gave us any canon gay characters in that franchise, but I find it profoundly moving that lots of lesbians/bi girls see themselves in characters like Clawdeen [daughter of the Wolf Man] and Twyla [daughter of the Boogyman]." 

Yet, she's right — the representation so far hasn’t been that explicit. There’s a line between using broad metaphors to illustrate big concepts (mainly for kids), and allowing the diversity of the real world to exist and be seen on the small screen. 

Despite knowing that he is far outside the target demographic, @dolljunk says that toy brand media “influences or recontextualizes the designs of the dolls I collect. A good piece of toy tie in media often encourages its audience to invest in the universe they have created, and I've seen it result from kids to adult collectors to go on to create their own fanart or fan characters. That being said, in the future I really do hope they are able to innovate and modernize for an ever changing audience in a world with changing attitudes and values.”  

From the Ever After High episode, "Dragon Games." This was supposed to be "CPR". Yeah, right.

Image: NETFLIX / MATTEL 

Dott says she always hopes for more explicit inclusivity. “Put some canon LGBT characters in your doll and toy franchises. Show kids that it's okay to be gay or bi or trans! It hasn't got to be something big; maybe a boy character has a schoolyard crush on another boy, you know? Just something small like that to get the ball rolling. Companies still have to do better.” 

Not having canon LGBTQ representation is not unique to doll media, but because the companies have opened the door by putting these messages front and center, doll collectors engage with the media as a way of reclaiming identity, and then push the representation further than canon allows for. Toy companies arguably owe it to both children and adults, LGBTQ and not, to step up with better depictions of diversity because they're already toeing the line. 

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A post shared by Barbie® (@barbiestyle) on Nov 21, 2017 at 2:36pm PST

Progress is being made, slowly but surely. There are new dolls and action figures coming out of prominent IRL figures and fictional characters who are LGBTQ. Last year on Instagram, Barbie wore a shirt that said "Love Wins." Even in doll-related media, companies are beginning to test to waters — in 2016, Mattel's movie series based on the doll line for Ever After High featured an on-screen kiss between two princesses.

For many collectors, it's not enough anymore to simply admire and collect these fashion figures. They want to see themselves in the dolls that they've been projecting onto for decades. 

So while we wait for the brands' next move, gay culture will keep claiming dolls because we know in our hearts that they're ours as much as anyone's. Barbie? More like Bar-bi. 

WATCH: Lady Gaga hopes award shows will become gender neutral

[txkemeanywhere]

Hellhound and Humanoids - Part 7

@undocumented-terriaki @risiskifi @squishy-anon

It’s fairly easy for Rowan to sit Yan up, and slot in behind them, their cuffed hands giving the perfect excuse for Rowan to protectively wrap his arm around them. Yan certainly doesn’t protest and does what they can to help, but is clearly still injured and more than okay with staying on the floor.

The strangers, Logan and Patton, have been arguing for the last five minutes.

"I know you understand the implications of what’s occurred here, Patton.” says Logan, the one wearing the necktie.

“Of course I do, but he did it to save this man’s life.” Patton, gestures towards Yan.

“Yan’s non-binary.” Rowan calls across to them and Yan glances over their shoulder at him.

“Rowan, bigger fish.” they mutter, but Rowan simply reaches up with his free hand and covers their mouth.

“This person’s life.” Patton corrects himself, giving an apologetic smile.

“And I’m sure,” Logan reaches up, adjusting his glasses, glancing over to them, “they….” Rowan nods and Logan continues, “are incredibly grateful for that. But they’re ignorant to what Enis has dragged them into.”

“Are they usually like this?” Rowans asks of the vampire as the two strangers continue their argument.

“Yeah.” Enis sighs. He’s knelt on the floor beside them looking a far cry from the happy bean they’ve known him to be this far.

“Enis,” Yan says and Enis turns, “Not that I’m not grateful but, what did you do to me?”

“I can answer that one.” Patton raises his hand, interrupting Logan’s latest argument, taking a step towards the small floor grouping, and leaving a disgruntled Logan muttering the second half of his sentence to himself. “He made you his Guardian.”

“His what now?”

“My Guardian.” the vampire sighs and looks off to the side, clearly avoiding the conversation. “It’s complicated.”

Logan, all but recovered from the derailed discussion, steps forward. “There are numerous beings out there who may look small, sweet, and innocent,” he indicates Patton, “but do in fact have access to vast amounts of power. From what I understand they are supposed to maintain some sort of balance, although Patton is not the best at it.” he gives a frustrated sigh. “He is intent on believing the best of everyone.”

“What can I say?” Patton shrugs, beaming. “I’m an optimist.”

“But you can’t afford to be.” Logan pinches the bridge of his nose, “These beings, known as ‘Deities’ are at risk from those who want to take that power, as well as their own limitations. It is a Guardian’s duty,” He straightens his necktie, and indicates himself, “to protect them.”

“His old Guardian.....passed away,” Patton talks softly and Enis looks even more sad, if it were possible, “and it’s just not safe for him out there on his own.”

“Not with the highly chaotic nature of his abilities. The moving rooms serve as a surrogate protection, discouraging those those who might wish to use his immense power for their own gains.”

“Enis is a being of power?” Rowan looks over to the rather scrawny looking vampire. Yeah, this vampire just isn’t screaming immense power to him. Immense-ly energetic maybe. Frankly, Enis looks like he could lose in a fight with an unlocked door. Then again he did blast that thing away somehow. “What about the monster?”

“Monster?” Logan frowns, confused. “What monster?”

“Was it a giant spider!” Patton squeaks, immediately leaping to hide behind Logan whose rolling eyes suggest this is a common reaction.

Rowan points over to where the creature that took a bite of Yan is laid, very clearly no longer among the living. Yan tries to look but Rowan stops them, distracting them by running his fingers through their hair. A soothing sensation, that Yan doesn’t fight too hard against.

After a moment of staring, both Logan and Patton turn to Enis who gives a sheepish grin and a shrug.

“One of my spells may have gone a little…wrong.” he laughs awkwardly, trying to subtly hide his spellbook and failing spectacularly.

Stepping closer, Logan grimaces already able to smell it. He avoids getting too close but he can still clearly see it. The eyes are closed but those teeth, the claws, the jet black fur and that smell. Ugh.

“Oh no the poor puppy.” Patton tries to move forward, but Logan throws an arm out to stop him.

“Patton, so help me do not pet it.” Logan covers his nose and draws away, pulling Patton with him. “This is the thing that bit them?”

“You know Logan,” Patton puts a hand on Logan’s arm to draw his attention, “with something as powerful as a Hellhound, Enis would have had seconds to make a decision.”

Logan glances towards the creature again. “So it would seem.”

“So,” Yan is trying to line this all up in their head, which honestly is starting to throb at this point, “I have to protect Enis?”

“That’s how it works.”

“And the last one to do that died?” Dying is not fun. They would absolutely prefer not to do that again. A sentiment that Rowan whole-heartedly agrees with.

“I could just stay here” Everyone turns to Enis. The sparkly vampire is looking very purposefully at the floor. He doesn’t have the slightest hint of happiness to his face at all. “It’s not like anyone’s missing me.”

“You'd sacrifice your freedom to protect your Guardian?” Logan turns to Patton, confused. “Is he allowed to do that?”

Patton gently pushes Logan aside, and steps over to kneel beside Enis. As he carefully places a hand on the vampire’s shoulder it begins to glow a faint light blue color. When his hand makes contact, Patton’s eyes also begin to glow.

“You did good, kiddo.” his voice is very calm, almost fatherly, as he talks, and there’s another layer to it, almost impossible to hear but it’s definitely there. “Are you sure you want to stay here?”

Enis’s sad eyes begin to light up with the same light blue magic that’s passing through Patton. It reaches into every crevasse of Enis’s mind and clears away all the muss and the mayhem leaving only the clearest choices allowing him to see exactly what he needs to do.

The light dies and Enis closes his eyes. “Yes.”

Nobody buys that Enis wants to stay in here. The way he’s so upbeat, how glad he was to have guests. There is no way he can be happy in staying in here all alone. But Patton seems to be satisfied, drawing back and standing up.

“If that’s what you want kiddo.”

“Enis-” Yan starts, hissing as the still unhealed bite flares in pain. Their head reels and they go limp against Rowan but just about manage to stay awake. “....ow.”

“You should probably get to a hospital.” Logan suggests.

“Gee thanks.” Rowan snarks, covering Yan’s mouth again when they open it to protest. The two of them will figure something out. “And what about the moving rooms?”

Enis raises his hand, plastering on a fake smile that doesn’t quite reach up to his eyes. “I can show you the way out. It gets a bit mixed up sometimes.” As the vampire goes to stand up, Rowan reaches out, grabbing a hold of his sleeve.

“Enis.” Rowan says and Enis turns. “Thank you.” The vampire smiles before leading them out the room while Logan and Patton remain behind.

Logan folds his arms as he watches them go. “You know I’d never have thought Enis could act so selflessly.”

Patton comes up beside Logan and pats him firmly on the shoulder. “Well, Logan, every dog has his day.”

“I don’t see what dogs have to do with-” Logan turns slightly and catches sight of the Hellhound a short way off. He groans. “You’re making a pun aren’t you?”

“Yep.”

[zippdementia]

Part 22 Alignment May Vary: Behind the Scenes

Last session took our players to the beginning of combat with Mordekai, Abbott of the Celaenos Monastery, who clearly has had machinations and plots running behind the scenes. This post talks about how to run a game where these kind of background plots and NPCs are important to keep track of. The next post will go back into combat and show whether the players survive or die at the hands of the corrupted knight.

The most basic and easy to run a Dungeons & Dragons campaign involves “static” environments. These are your basic dungeons, where each room is basically waiting for the player to interact with it before anything happens and a boss monster calmly waits at the final room for the player to show up. A dungeon can be made to feel more alive by adding in wandering monster tables, to simulate the movement of multiple creatures in the dungeon, but even this is just a dungeon mechanic. The GM doesn’t track these wandering creatures. Behind the scenes, they don’t even exist until they are rolled randomly into existence.

Then there are living environments. DnD 5 official modules like to use these a lot. These are areas/towns/dungeons with lists of NPCs, several with motivations and ongoing plotlines, that the GM has to manage as they move about the area, trying to achieve their motives with the help of (or in spite of) the players. The main difference in a living environment is that it does not wait for the players and encounters tend to be activated less commonly by entering a certain area and more commonly by taking certain actions or instigating certain events.

Celaenos is one of these living environments, and the biggest one in The Tomb of Haggemoth campaign. Players could miss all of the things going on behind the scenes. They could enter the monastery, negotiate access to the library, get the information they need, and leave, none the wiser to the slave ring or the fact that Mordekai is secretly and slowly turning the entire monastery into a bastion of evil, converting each knight one at a time and killing the ones he fails to convert.

That’s the simplest scenario, honestly. Because once they get involved in events, Mordekai and his lackeys won’t sit idle. They will react, first subtly, then dramatically.

Keys to Running a Living Environment

Figure out your end game scenarios Because a living environment presents potentially endless possibilities for a middle game, you cannot plan out everything the way you would a dungeon. But you can plan out your endgames. An endgame is a scenario in which the players have achieved their goals (or irrevocably failed to achieve them). For example, in Celaenos, their main goal is to find the map to Rori Rama in the library. To do this, they need to gain access to the library. Access can be gained by diplomacy initially (convincing Mordekai that they are no threat), and by stealth (sneaking in at night), violence (killing the knights), or staging a coup (convincing the few remaining good knights to fight Mordekai and his evil knights) if this fails. I like to physically write these down and keep them laid out in front of me so I always know what the players’ possibilities are.

Steer players towards your endgames As players interact with your living environment, things are going to change in drastic ways. Players are unpredictable and tend to go on tangents you didn’t anticipate. But no matter what they do, ask yourself which of your endgames it ties into and if it stops any of them from happening. For instance, my players started very clearly on the diplomacy path, by trying to gain access to the library by talking to Mordekai. When they accused his knights (unexpectedly) of being a slaver, that endgame was cut off (I literally crossed it off on the paper I’d written it on). Next, they discovered there was a secret entrance to the monastery (stealth endgame). They seemed more interested, though, in trying to free the slaves and uncover that plot rather than sneaking into the monastery, so I built a scenario wherein they were offered entrance into the monastery, giving them a chance to interact with some of the good knights, like Dickon and possibly turn him to their side (coup). Finally, they missed this opportunity and ended up in direct confrontation with Mordekai (violence). As you can see, at all times their actions were steering them towards one of the endgame scenarios.

Give the players a reason to be involved I can’t stress this one enough. When you’ve gone to all the work to set up a living environment, it isn’t very rewarding if your players don’t take an interest in it. At the same time, you cannot blame players for missing out on all the clever back plots if you don’t give them some hook or reason to investigate. This is especially a problem in some of the DnD 5 official campaigns, which are these huge, wonderfully detailed open worlds with very little to actually draw a player in or tell them where they should go next. Think about things your players have done in the game, or bonds their characters have that are waiting to be resolved, and how you can work them into the environment, and then make sure they stay hooked by continuing to create interesting scenarios that make them want to stay involved. Of course, if they still don’t show an interest, don’t push it. Be willing to let them miss things and move on to the next dungeon/town/situation. In our game, we have two major hooks aside from the main goal of infiltrating the library. The first is the slave ring they discovered back in Ottoman’s dock which continues here. The second is Abenthy’s backstory. He has been looking for his father, and he knows something called The Red Eye has been watching for him, and the Bronze Dragon told him more could be learned at Celaenos. One thing I didn’t post in the blogs was that, when the party first entered the monastery, they found tapestries depicting an Aasimir being worshipped by the knights. This is a hint to Abenthy’s player that there is more here, more that probably involves him, that can be discovered if he wants to, and serves as a good motivation for him to dig deeper into the events at Celaenos. When he asks the Abbot about this during their first interview, the Abbot definitely seems like he knows something, but refuses to say more. Again: mystery makes for good motivation, because everyone loves solving a mystery. As things progress, I create the scenario where the players are called back to the monastery to murder Dickon and Athos (ostensibly because they are responsible for the slave ring). This gives the players an immediate goal to achieve in the location I want them to be in, as well as letting them get involved in an memorable assassination plot. It keeps the game moving while continuing to steer them very tightly towards one of the endgames I originally envisioned. Note also that when they are attacked by shadows, one of them is the murdered Rose, just another way to tie them continuously into the slave sub plot.

Know your NPCs and their motivations, and as the players act, so should they A living environment doesn’t feel very alive if NPCs don’t react to things the players do. So you have to know how your NPCs will react. The simplest and fastest way to do this if you are not practiced at it is to use notecards. Use on notecard per important NPC. On it, write that NPC’s goal and general attitude. Then, when the players do something that gets in the way of that NPC’s plot or triggers them, look at their card. Has the player put up an obstacle to that NPC’s goal? If so, the NPC is going to try to do everything possible to beat that obstacle. How they beat that obstacle is up to their general attitude. An “old kindly librarian” probably won’t turn to murder to “keep his books safe,” but he may try to get authorities involved if he feels threatened, or hide books from players, or even pay them to leave him alone if they keep bothering him about his library. In our game, Mordekai’s goal is to keep his business secret. Any threat to this he will seek to deal with immediately. But he is not a fan of directly dealing with things, and is a very clever man. Thus, when the players reveal they are onto his slave ring, he first reacts by banishing them from the monastery. He then tries to murder them that evening by using shadows. When that doesn’t work, he comes up with a plot to use the players to do his dirty work by killing Athos and Dickon, two of the last remaining good aligned knights in the monastery. He then plans to confront the players as they murder Athos and claim they are intruders, setting the remainder of the knights on them. This will kill the far too curious players while also removing any suspicion that the Abbot had a hand in the murder of Dickon and Athos.

Overall, the key to running a good living environment is improvisation and being able to flow quickly as the game changes. But knowing your endgame and your NPCs will help with this immensely, giving you an anchor to keep you from drifting too far off course and gives you a direction to steer in.