#and their response was either “yeah thx” or none at all

[ihateornithologists]

i have So Many Issues i can literally start crying when i see that people really like my art or something h3rfjkwbdrifv it's still too hard to believe

[frstcorinthians]

; cowboy casanova (i)

summary: running from the east coast lands you a comfy gig at the hard deck. the group of regulars by the pool table catch your eye every night - especially that blonde one. pairing: hangman x f!reader warnings: none so far, just hangman being a relentless flirt and the reader flirting back wc: 3k notes: i was possessed by the spirit of topgunmaverick to write this. i also have a whole plan brewing for a universe of fics but. lets just start with one and see how it goes. pls enjoy and lmk what you think!! also many thx to my beloved beta reader @the-tiddlesmajoris 

The half hour between when your shift started and the Hard Deck officially opened was usually the most peaceful of your work week. The easy routine of wiping glasses, flipping down chairs, double-checking the liquors and mixers were stocked - it both got you into the mood for work and gave you just enough time to prep for the incoming onslaught of customers. And it was an onslaught. Didn’t seem to matter what day of the week it was, five o’clock saw the Hard Deck start to crawl with fighter pilots. All night, the bar echoed with shouts, laughter, and the clink of pool balls hitting each other. A fast and high-pressure job, yeah, but the tips weren’t bad, you liked your coworkers, and Penny was a good boss. Compared to the places you’d worked in the past, it was a dream.

The customers themselves weren’t usually too bad to look at either. Working in “Fightertown, USA” had its perks.

Although flirting with customers was excusable in the name of getting better tips, you tried not to make a habit of it, lest any particularly confident and/or overbearing pilot made it their mission to make it something more. This was a good job, as reliable an income as service work could be. You didn’t want any excuse to have to quit. You flipped open the prep containers behind the bar, expecting to find wedges of lemons and limes nestled under some plastic wrap. The lemons were fine, but the limes were on their last legs. All that was left were a couple sad-looking, squished wedges swimming in the dregs of leftover lime juice. Time to cut up some new ones, then. Crouching down to grab the box of limes that needed slicing, your hands grasped on empty air. Nothing. No limes.

“Hey Penny!” you hollered to the back of the bar, still searching. “Did you move the limes?”

No response. You yelled for her again, head still stuck under the bar, searching just in case.

“Hey, I’m right here, no need to yell.” A man’s voice drifted from the other side of the bar. It was familiar. You pulled yourself up to look over the counter and into the wide, white grin of Fighter Pilot Number Three.

Fighter Pilot Number Three was named as such due to a ranking of the Hard Deck’s regulars your coworker Molly had made. After a particularly rough night, Penny let the two of you stay behind after closing to have a couple drinks and de-stress. In your drunken haze, Molly had decided to rank the bar’s regulars on a scale of attractiveness. A sort of advanced “fuck-marry-kill” that was only that funny and that interesting to people several drinks in. The two of you howled with laughter all night, adding points for things like ordering simple drinks and subtracting ones for stiffing on tips. Petty shit that took the edge off the night, made you remember why you stayed at this job. 

You lobbied particularly hard for a group of pilots who had clustered around the pool table. They had ordered a few rounds from you all night, and fairly dominated their corner of the bar. Watching them was like watching one of the dogfights that happened above the base. They were teammates, certainly, but there was a little tension and teasing that cut across the group. You didn’t catch any of their names, but your attention was drawn to them nonetheless. Fighter Pilot Number Three was part of that group, and ranked as such due to the combination of his all-American good looks and truly unbearable attitude. You had gone particularly hard for him, to the point that Molly started to get a little suspicious. At the time, you had brushed it off as a combination of the drinks you had put away and your recent dry spell, so to speak.

“We aren’t open for another twenty minutes.” You spoke before your customer-service conditioning could kick in. His smile never faltered, his eyebrows never twitched. What an absolute asshole.

“Yeah, I know, but your sweet coworker let me in once I told her my situation.” He leaned against the bar, making himself comfortable.

“What’s that?” Your tone was flat. However much this guy tipped, it wasn’t enough to make up for the blatant flirting he did while you were on the clock. Combined with his current status as “customer-who-is-crossing-the-line” made you less than inclined to treat him well.

“I lost my wallet last night, sometime between rounds. I wanted to poke around and see if I could find it.”

“Check the pool table.” His eyebrows raised at that.

“You remember where I was sitting?” His already charming attitude seemed to sharpen. You tried to ignore how your stomach swooped when he gave you a subtle once-over. Time to backtrack before he got any ideas. 

“Hard to forget someone who brags as loud as you.” The retort was weak, but it was all you could manage in the moment. Despite the unforgiving flirtation and borderline douchebaggery, something in him caught your interest. It was probably just his face, punchable as it was. He was certainly handsome, no denying that, in a way that made you think of the countryside and white picket fences, lake houses and shit like that. So who could blame you if your eyes lingered as he walked over to the pool table? 

But then he turned and saw you looking, and your eyes immediately snapped away. You could hear him chuckle softly even as you shuffled things around behind the bar. You tried to ignore the way your stomach swooped at the sound. 

You were pulled out of wiping down the bar top by the approach of Fighter Pilot Number Three. He caught your eye and honest-to-God winked, before neatly tossing a ten dollar bill into the tip glass next to the napkin dispenser. “Consider it a thank-you for such excellent customer service.” 

You felt the threads of the towel you were holding creak as your fists clenched. All the calm that had been cultivated by the pre-opening tasks was shattered, and the person responsible didn’t seem to care at all as he sauntered out of the bar. You loved Molly, but you were seriously considering strangling her for letting that in early.

You were light on your feet that rush hour, alternating between pulling beer and pouring shots, making sure to keep a smile on your face and your thoughts far away from the group by the pool table. They had stationed themselves there again, occasionally coming up for either another round or more quarters. Usually, the group’s candidate to visit you was either the dark-haired woman or the quiet man with glasses. They were both kind and efficient, with the woman in particular amazing you with her ability to weave through the crowd carrying several drinks. Privately, you thought she’d be a great coworker if the whole fighter pilot thing didn’t work out, but you wouldn’t dare tell her.

Right on cue, a loud cheering from that corner announced another round done. You went ahead and started pulling a couple pints in preparation. Just to save time, you reasoned with yourself. Not because I have this weird, almost parasocial relationship with some of my regulars. Not because I want to be friends with them, these people I barely know. You finished with the beers and moved to prepping the mixed drinks just in time to come face-to-face with that morning’s visitor.

“Well, well. Fancy seeing you here.” The obvious line got a snort from you.

“The usual?” You finished mixing the last drink of the bunch - a vodka cranberry for the quiet guy.

“That, plus a drink for my favorite bartender.” His grin was back. You gave him a look as withering as you could muster.

“As much as I’d love to get drunk on the clock, I’ve got a long night ahead.”

“You sure it wouldn’t make it go by faster?” His eyes followed you as you continued to slide drinks along the bar.

“Positive. Now take your drinks and quit holding up the line.” Even your chilly tone couldn’t smother his expression. You hated the way your body noticed as he left, like you had somehow drifted into his gravitational pull. There was a small part of you that was thrilled he had stopped to talk to you at all. You weren’t sure if it was because of your admittedly pathetic want to be included in their group or the simpler, baser desire that kept you awake in the warm California nights.

Whatever the reasoning was, you shook yourself out of your thoughts. Another half-dozen people were trying to get your attention, in various states of frustration at the wait. Time to jump back in the fray and stop dwelling on pilots you barely knew.

You shuffled out of the Hard Deck, shift somehow still not over. The stars peeked through the light pollution as you took a deep breath, slumping against the outside of the bar and pulling a pack of cigarettes out of your pocket. A nasty habit, and you knew they were going to kill you, but you’d started smoking partway through your time at a restaurant back east, and before you knew it, you couldn’t quit. Moving out west seemed to have had a good effect, though - you were down to just one to get through any rougher shifts. You cupped the lighter flame, delicately protecting it from the sea breeze. The light caught and you inhaled deeply, feeling the buzz in the back of your skull fade away.

“Not drinking on the clock, but you’ll sneak out for a smoke?” The buzz came back with a vengeance as a certain voice drifted over to you. You thunk-ed your head against the wall, rolling it over to meet eyes with Fighter Pilot Number Three. “Maybe you’re not as tightly-laced as I thought.”

“I’m full of surprises.” You were also completely out of customer-service-shits-to-give. You took another drag as he eyed the box hanging out of your pocket.

“Cowboy killers, huh? Little strong for someone like you.”

“Why do you care? Hoping I’ll die and they’ll replace me with someone more receptive to your charm?”

“You think I’m charming?” This guy didn’t miss a beat. It got a small smile out of you, though you tried to hide it behind your hand.

“You don’t quit, do you?”

“I’m told it’s part of my appeal.”

“Told by who? Your right hand or your left?” That one made him laugh loudly, revealing the strong line of his neck. You snapped your gaze away once you realized you were looking. Maybe the cigarette was getting to you, because you started to feel light-headed. It had been a minute since you’d been able to spar with someone like this. You forgot how much you liked it.

“That offer for a drink’s still open, if you want.” His voice was quieter than before, and you could tell his gaze was focused on you. You took a final drag before putting your cigarette out in the sand. Maybe this could be another change moving west had in store for you.

What the hell. “If I see you guys still playing by the time my shift finishes, I’ll head over.”

“Make sure not to close my tab before you do.” You rolled your eyes and dusted your hands off before heading back in.

Penny lasered in on you immediately after you got situated behind the bar. “Had someone asking for you right before you left,” she said as the two of you poured drinks. “The one Molly said was here earlier.”

“Oh yeah? Maybe he wanted to practice another opener on me, since the whole ‘lost my wallet’ schtick didn’t work so well.” 

Penny laughed. “Hangman’s a good guy, deep down.”

“How deep is deep? He seems pretty shallow to me.” You handed a couple customers their credit cards back. “Also, Hangman? One hell of a call sign for a ‘good guy.’”

Penny shrugged. “You never know with those, trust me.”

The rest of your shift passed in relative ease, as easy as working at a packed bar could be. The whole time, you kept an ear tuned towards the pool table. A small part of you, a part that had existed since middle school, whispered that this was just a prank pulled on you. No way these people want you around them, it whispered. A guy who looks like that wanting anything to do with you? Forget it. And although you had several years of therapy under your belt to teach you things like “how to cope with negative self-talk” and “healing your inner child,” it felt like that small sliver of yourself would always be hurting, curled up somewhere in your chest. You did your best to ignore it as you cleaned the last of the glasses and wiped up a spill on the bar top. Punching your time clock information in, you pushed that small, childish voice deep down in your stomach and let the strong, don’t-fuck-with-me vibe you had cultivated working in the service industry take the lead.

You hung back behind the pool table, crossing your arms and leaning against the wall. The two members of the group you were sort-of familiar with, the woman and the quiet guy, were holding their own against the other team. The woman tracked her shots with crisp precision, and in no time she had swept the pool table clean.

“Don’t start admiring the view yet, I haven’t even started playing.” Somehow, Hangman always found a way to sneak up behind you. The light drawl of his voice against the back of your neck made you shiver.

Doing your best to brush  it off, you pushed yourself off the wall. “Twenty bucks says I beat you before you finish this round.”

The woman whistled at that, looking between the two of you with interest. “I’m on her team, Hangman. I’ll take any excuse to wipe the floor with you.” She came over to your side of the table as you carefully selected your cue. “I’m Phoenix, by the way. Noticed you knocked a couple dollars off our tab last time, I’ve been meaning to introduce myself since then.”

That made you flush more than any of Hangman’s lines. “Good customer discount. Penny likes for us to keep the regulars happy,” you shrugged, trying to play it off.

“We’re noted regulars? Remind me to tell Rooster, maybe that’ll get him out of the med wing and away from Ragdoll,” another one of the group piped up.

“Getting a free beer every now and then is a small reward for coming in and seeing your pretty face every night.” Hangman didn’t stop, not even when lining up the first shot of the game. 

“Give the girl a rest, Bagman,” Phoenix sunk the first striped ball neatly into the pocket. “If you aren’t careful, she’ll make you buy a round for everyone.”

“She hasn’t rung that bell yet,” he shrugged. “Guess there’s something about me you like.” He sauntered over behind you as you leaned over to line up. Classic. Taking careful aim, you made sure to hit him square in the stomach with the back of your cue as you took your shot. His small oof made you smile almost as much as Phoenix’s whoop when the ball landed in the pocket. 

The rest of the night passed in similar fashion, you and Phoenix barely winning against Hangman and his partner, Coyote. You got a general sense of the different members of the group, as well as a couple embarrassing stories from their time together on base. By the time closing rolled around, you felt solidly welcomed into their little team. You were laughing along at Payback’s impression of Coyote messing up a training exercise when Molly came over to clean up the last round of glasses and bottles. 

“Last call for tonight, everyone,” she announced. Everyone made motions to finish up their drinks and get ready to leave. As you were gathering up stray cups, you felt Molly brush past you. “What’s going on with all that?” She whispered, nodding at Hangman. 

“Nothing,” you whispered back. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll tell you tomorrow.” She raised her eyebrows, giving you a you’d better expression as she finished cleaning off the table.  

“You parked around back?” Hangman moved to take the empty bottles you were holding. 

“What a gentleman. You hoping I’ll invite you back to my place?” Now you were walking on dangerous ground. It wasn’t so much the “taking someone home right after meeting them” part, you’d done that before. It was more the fact that you genuinely liked these people, and wanted to hang out with them again. You wanted to make friends, dammit. When you left the East Coast you had burned a lot of bridges behind you. It kept you safe, but it also kept you lonely. Meeting Penny and Molly helped you branch out a little, but you missed having a solid group of friends to rely on. 

Hangman laughed. “If you’re inviting, I’m accepting. Otherwise, I’m just making sure a pretty girl gets home safe.”

You snorted. “Charmer.”

The two of you made it over to your car. You turned to give him a sidelong look as you unlocked your door. “See you around. Let me know if you ever need to get your ass kicked in pool again.”

He laughed. “Don’t worry, I won’t be a stranger. Don’t want you to find someone more charming than me.”

The whole time you were driving home, and even as you kicked your shoes off in the doorway to your apartment, you could feel the phantom brush of his arm against yours. It circled your thoughts as you curled up for bed, and when you remembered the explanation you owed Molly, you groaned. How was it possible that you always managed to make your relationships as complicated as possible? 

[boytouya]

𝘉𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘭𝘺’𝘴 𝘙𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦

words:0.9k

request: “Hello! Could i pls request tamaki amajiki just being a sweetheart and infodumping about how much he loves butterflies to his boyfriend? Need fluff in this gay gay month, thxs! :]”

tags: i know nothing about butterflies, appalled by the feet tasting ngl, and the fact that it’s true, tamaki is SO in love, not mentioned but he really hopes you love him too, he knows you do though, i didn’t mention the butterfly color but it’s probably like that big one from animal crossing, but the butterfly isn’t big ykwim?, once again named after a song, but i wasn’t even listening to that song i was listening to butterfly by umi, in case you wanted to pair it while you read ;)

warnings: none!

a/n: i feel like i did amajiki dirty in this...maybe i’ll rewrite it. anyways, happy pride month!

When Amajiki told you he wanted to take you somewhere special, this was the last place you expected. A quiet field, full of freshly trimmed grass, daffodils, and various flowers occupied by well fed bees, wasn’t what you expected. But you loved it nonetheless, smiled brightly when your anxious boyfriend picked a flower to put behind your ear with shaking hands. You did the same for him, watched his bottom lip tremble as he sputtered out thanks. How sweet.

In hindsight, perhaps he should’ve brought something to sit on. It didn’t matter much though, as you took turns resting your heads on the other's lap. No matter what, whether his face was twisting into a grimace because of the sun in his eyes- or melting into a smile because he got to look down at you, Tamaki was always so cute. He always looked cute.

He chats you up and down, talks about anything and everything, listens to you talk about anything and everything, and soaks it up. He loves the attention from you, lets it seep into his skin and past his ribcage, straight to his quickening heart. He laughs quietly into the palm of his hand when you tell a joke and looks down at your hands when you speak. Everything about you truly was quaint, isn’t it? You remind him of home. The butterfly flapping towards you must agree, because it’s blue wings flutter almost as fast as those in his stomach until it finds a place on your head. You can feel it’s minuscule amount of weight, and you still completely.

It’s such a sight to see, he thinks. Such a fragile little thing finding comfort in you. The way your immediate response to it isn’t to smack it, kill it, or rip it off makes his chest fill with warmth. You reminded him of a butterfly, actually. Perfect on all sides, fragile when you want to be, but way tougher than anyone gives you credit for. Perhaps he’s projecting onto you, but either way, he couldn’t be more in love. You bring out something in him he didn’t know was there, and one day he’d thank you for it.

“A butterfly,” He watches it crawl, hesitating to flutter back into the horizon, and lifts his hand. It does move, but not to fly away. It makes its way onto his finger and rests. Of course Amajiki would be good with animals, he’s probably the closest anyone could ever be to them. A smile spreads across your features; makes your eyes squint and hurts your cheeks. He raises the hand to his face, his eyes widening. They’re such a deep shade they could pass as currents of indigo. It’s wings beat gently, and you can hear Tamaki gulp.“I hope we get to see her next time, they don’t live long.”

“Maybe she’s your Guardian Angel,” You joke, leaning in to watch him inspect the insect. His pink lips remain parted in awe, the sunlight beaming down on him adds an extra sparkle to his eyes. Or maybe it’s the butterfly. Maybe it’s you. You can tell he’s making an effort to breathe slowly, to remain as still as possible (though his hands have always been quite shaky) so he doesn’t scare off the animal. In a way, Tamaki is quite the butterfly himself. “More like Spirit Animal.”

“..Maybe,” He agrees as his smile widens, only for a second until he blinks away the laugh threatening to ruin his once in a lifetime opportunity. It would’ve been nice to have a camera, or some sort of ability to take screenshots through your eyes. This would just have to be one of those moments cherished through memory, you suppose. “Did you know butterflies have transparent wings? They.. They can’t bite or chew, but...they can taste stuff with their feet.”

“They don’t eat then?”

“Oh..Oh! They drink nectar...with their tongues... from flowers. They like sugary stuff too.” His grin looks dopey when he tilts his head to the side.

“Like Fatgum.” Amajiki tries not to choke on his own tongue. Such a bizarre comparison that only you could make up on the spot. This is why he likes you.

“Yeah...but he doesn’t taste things with his feet…” Tamaki puckers his lips after fully processing what he just said. It’s almost like he stops thinking when he’s with you.

When you crinkle your nose in disgust he can’t help but laugh. He was wondering if it was boring you, perhaps you weren’t that interested in useless butterfly facts. But there you were, asking questions and nodding along, making faces that dusted pink across Amajiki’s cheeks. There you were, smiling and laughing, letting the Sun hit you just right. You were perfect. You were his perfect boy. His boy with such a sweet smile, his boy with such a contagious laugh. He loved it. He loved that you were his, and vice versa. He loved you. Even more than he loved butterflies.

He lets the butterfly flutter away as his shoulders shake, and for once you can finally see his smile reach his eyes. He lets you place your hand where the butterfly once was. This felt way better anyway.

taglist:

@ryoukuna @indigowren21 @cannedfoodisbestfood @junkwhoore @kissesdenji @sanderssidesangsttrash @i-d0g @kaito-asmr @jream-23 @princejasno @mel-bigia04 @mhasimp666 @onehellofasimp @corporeal-terrestrial @angelaturservice @shadows-of-nightmares @double-homiecide @rintarosaku

[ramblingthoughtsofayoungadult]

Nev, Max, Help!-Nate Jacobs Oneshot

Requested: Yes

Warnings: aggressiveness and rudeness from Nate and a brief panic attack scene

A/N: The reader is gender neutral since the requester did not specify what they wanted and I did not want to disrespect the storyline from the show. Also, it’s a long one. 

  For once, Amy Winehouse’s low, melancholy voice did nothing to soothe my nerves as I typed what I was looking for in the designated box. “Love is a Losing Game” was definitely not the best song for the mood but I loved her voice so much; it was like a really messed up security blanket for me. My thumbs shook as I kept typing and quickly deleting my words. 

  Someone to have fun with.

  No, that’ll bring every single creep to my profile.

  Someone to watch Netflix with.

  Ew, no, they won’t want to go anywhere or do anything. 

  Someone to discuss Maya Angelou with...

  This could go one of two ways: attract a sensitive, nice person or the ultimate softboi who was really just an f-boy in a sensible cardigan.

    Okay, Y/N, just add to it.

   ...and have adventures, great conversations, and watch the best movies.

   That seemed broad enough and, potentially, weeded out all the weirdos. Patti Stanger would approve of this. I took such a deep breath that I could feel the oxygen in my feet as I pressed the green check mark. An adorable buffering sign appeared before being quickly replaced by a CONGRATULATIONS, Y/N/N, ON COMPLETING YOUR PROFILE. 

   The air came out of me slowly, like a balloon, and I tried to make myself relax as I swiped through different matches. One person was too short, the other too tall, another had way too many pictures with reptiles in his profile, and one’s bio simply read: DM and you’ll find out. 

  Serial killer much?

  “That’s part of your problem, Y/N,” Jules had chastised me a few day prior.

 “What do you mean by ‘part’?” I’d replied.

 “Well, for one, you barely leave the house anymore unless I drag you out,” Jules argued.

  “I’m busy,” I’d defended. 

  “Rewatching Breaking Bad for the eighth time does not count as being busy. Plus, you’re so picky.”

  “Am not!” 

  “You said you’d only do DiCaprio in his Great Gatsby days,” Rue had added.

  “Did you see him in that suit?” 

  Jules then shrugged. “All I’m saying is if you aren’t careful, you will end up all alone.”

  “That’s not true, Y/N might get cats.” 

  That conversation had haunted me since and had driven me to making a dating profile after the required Saturday night family dinner. While my parents and brother were downstairs watching a movie, I was holed up in my room, cringing and regretting accepting any chat requests. 

   Half an hour on the app caused the images of various male genitalia to be burned into my mind. I would need my brain soaked in holy water for it to be erased. I huffed and kept scrolling, vainly hoping and wishing for a decent guy to pop up on my radar.

  Maybe Jules and Rue were wrong. Maybe I had all the right in the world to be picky, I thought harshly to myself. 

  I dropped my phone on my nightstand and flopped against my pillows as Me and Mr. Jones began playing. I sighed and felt myself being lulled into the comforting abyss Amy created. 

   Ding!

   I jumped out and glared at the source of the noise. Another chat request, another picture to ruin my young brain? 

  “Be positive, Y/N, this might be good,” I stated as I grabbed the phone. 

  Tyler wants to chat!

   I frowned and opened up the app, only to be met with the most sculpted six-pack I had ever seen. My heart began banging against my chest and my thumbs fumbled for a moment to answer the chat request. 

  Whoosh. 

  My stomach dropped as I stared at my first chat to Tyler: Shg.ismtle

  I’m. Going. To. Die. Alone.

  I quickly typed: Please ignore that, I’m so sorry!

  Seconds later, my phone dinged.

  Tyler: Really? I thought you were trying to send me a secret code and I liked that we were that cool already.

  This was not real, this could not be happening. Tyler had to be a bot, that was why he didn’t show his face in his profile. Bots were supposed to have a hard time recognizing and creating faces, right? 

   But, on the off chance Tyler was real, it would have been rude to leave the conversation so abruptly? 

   Y/N: Who knows? Maybe it was a secret code and I’m just testing you.

   Tyler: Ok, let me guess what it means.

   Tyler: Hi? 

   Y/N: Haha, you really thought I’d use such a simple code as a first message?

   Tyler: It’s my bad for underestimating u. I should have known u were smarter since you read Maya Angelou.

  Y/N: U a fan? 

  Tyler: “You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.” 

  He knows Angelou? He could have Googled a quote though. Still, it’s a good quote to use if he had Googled it.

   Y/N: Nice, but, doesn’t get u out of the guessing game.

   As Tyler helplessly guessed wrong for several minutes, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. I used to think online dating was a last resort or a breeding ground for predators. But, maybe there were decent people looking for something (or someone) meaningful after all. 

  Tyler: I give up, you’re really good. 

  Y/N: Thx. But, I can tell you what I meant to say. 

  Tyler: The suspense is srsly kiilling me. 

  Y/N: I meant 2 say hey.

  Tyler: I guessed that!

   Y/N: No, u guessed ‘hi’, there’s a difference.

  Tyler: C’mon, barely.

   For the rest of the night, Tyler and I chatted. He told me that he plays baseball at a school across town and he doesn’t like anyone around there. He liked John Mulaney stand-up, lemon bars, going to the gym, hanging out with his friends, and reading good books. He was an only child and his parents tended to spoil him. I told him about my friends and how I liked being on the swim team at my school as well as the different YouTubers and books I enjoyed. When I finally fell asleep, I dreamed of talking to him. 

   On Monday, Jules and Rue were hanging out outside the school as other people either headed to class or relaxed on the lawn. I could not stop my feet from bouncing as I walked up to them.

   “...and that is why Sailor Mercury is the most underrated character of the whole show,” Jules affrimed. 

   Rue seemed halfway interested as her head nodded slowly underneath the hood of her burgundy hoodie. “Cool, all I asked was who’s your favorite but, cool.” 

   Jules rolled her eyes playfully and straightened up when she saw me. “Hey, Y/N, nice shirt.” 

  “Thanks.” I wore a sky blue tie dye shirt with ripped jeans and white Converse.

  Rue leaned forward and squinted at me. “You’re not wearing black, something’s wrong.” 

  “Nothing’s wrong, she’s obviously been influenced by me!” Jules teased as she wrapped a slim arm around my shoulders.

  “Yeah, you can only hang out with this literal rainbow human so long before she starts influencing your outfit choices.”

  We started heading inside, which was really just Jules and me dragging Rue into the building.

   “But I don’t wanna be here. It’s so stupid that I have to wait six more months before I can legally decide where I spend my time,” Rue muttered.

  “It’s fine, you have us!” Jules insisted.

   “Yup!” I agreed.

  “Hey, Y/N, Rue, Jules!” Cassie greeted as she sidled up next to me. 

  We all greeted her.

  “Have a good weekend?” Rue asked. 

  “Yeah, there was this great party that Nick Davis threw. I swear, everyone there was on acid.” Cassie stopped herself and bit her bottom lip. “Sorry---” 

   Rue shook her head. “It’s fine.”

  “How were yours?” Cassie asked as we continued to our lockers. 

  “Fine,” Jules said.

  Rue shrugged in response.

  I opened my mouth to reply when my phone beeped and I wrestled it out of my pocket. 

  Tyler: Is it 2 late 4 a good morning text? 

  I smiled. 

  “You’re so cheesy,” I muttered under my breath. 

  “Who’s that?” Cassie asked, peeking over my shoulder.

   I jumped and cradled my phone to my chest like it was my child. “No one.” 

   Jules pulled open her locker and cocked a bleached eyebrow. “‘No one’ does not cause huge smiles like that!” She jabbed a sparkly-manicured finger at me. 

  “Yeah, show us,” Rue said. “We are your friends.” 

  “It’s nothing,” I insisted as I weaved around them. 

  I pushed myself against my locker and managed to open it with my free hand. Rue was on one side of me and Cassie was on the other. 

  “Is it a boy?” Cassie sang.

  “Or a girl?” Rue questioned.

  “It’s none of your business,” I gritted out as I grabbed my necessary books. 

  As I shuffled the books in my arms, Jules came from behind and slipped my phone away from me. I gasped, whirled around, and watched as Rue tried to look at the phone while Cassie playfully blocked me.

  “Guys, this is not cool! This is such a serious invasion of privacy,” I argued as I tried to move around Cassie.

  “We’re besties, there’s no such thing as privacy!” Jules retorted. 

  “Wow, Y/N, these are so----” Jules cut Rue off.

  “Adorable!” Jules squealed and turned to face me.

  Cassie took the opportunity to glance at my phone and she smiled. “Aw, this Tyler guy sounds so sweet.” 

  I snatched my phone from Jules. “Well, now you know. Can we please go to class now?” 

  As the other girls grabbed their things from their lockers, I got out my phone to reply to Tyler.

  Y/N: It’s never too late...until noon technically.

   Somehow, I started wandering away from the girls until I ran into someone. I tried to jump away, but they grabbed me by the forearms.

  “I am so sorry, I should have looked where I was going---” I stopped speaking when I recognized Nate’s direct gaze on me. I was pretty tall but I always felt like he could throw me into the lockers if he wanted to.

  “Watch it, Y/N,” he muttered. 

  “Nate, let go of them,” Maddy chided, her hand resting against one of his arms. 

  She seemed to have the magic touch because he relaxed and I joined my friends. As the couple continued down the hallway, I couldn’t help but admire them. In a very messed up way, they worked. Kat had told me only a little about what Nate would do whenever Maddy upset him and I felt so bad for her, angry at him, and then conflicted. Nate just had to have that stereotypical amazing all-American look.

  “You okay, Y/N?” Cassie asked.

  “Yeah, is it weird that I can still feel his eyes on me even when he’s not looking?” I asked. 

  “No, his need for dominance permeates everyone’s sense of autonomy,” Rue assured.

  “Nice,” Jules said. 

  “And scary accurate,” Cassie added. 

  Jule looped her arm with mine and steered us in the direction of our first classes. “Anyway, if he tries anything, I’m sure Tyler would gladly kick his butt for you.” 

   Throughout the day, Tyler and I chatted and I even had to get creative with responding. In English, I kept my head down during quiet reading time and made sure my phone was positioned just right in my lap. During geometry, I told Mrs. Packer that I was having some digestive issues and spent most of the class outside the bathroom, texting Tyler. At lunch, I could barely focus on my friends’ conversation.

   “Hello, Earth to Y/N?” Lexi waved her hand in front of my face and I blinked.

   “Sorry, I was----”

   “Texting her boooyfriiiend,” Jules sang.

   “He’s not my boyfriend, we’re just talking.” I started poking at my sandwich. “What did I miss?” 

  “Oh, nothing, just the fact that I nearly blew up the school during chem,” Cassie said. 

  “Magnesium chloride isn’t an explosive,” Lexi argued. 

  “Well, the tube overflowed and everyone was freaking out,” Cassie argued.

  “Yeah, because magnesium chloride can have bad side effects,” Lexi continued.

   “I wonder what would happen if the school exploded and we weren’t all here? Would they have to give us our diplomas?” I thought outloud.

  “Ooh, and I could go to fashion school early!” Jules cheered. 

  “I’d be happy not coming here anymore,” Rue admitted. 

  It was quiet for a moment as we all ate but that quiet was broken when Maddy yelled.

  “WHO ARE YOU TEXTING?”

  I couldn’t help myself but look. Maddy was standing behind Nate, who was sitting with his teammates at the center table. Bebe and Kat flanked Maddy a little behind. Everyone stared at them. Nate’s jaw tightened. 

  “Maddy, calm down,” his relaxed, controlled voice nearly echoed in the silent cafeteria. 

  “DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! YOU’VE BEEN ON YOUR PHONE ALL DAY!” she snapped. 

  “Maddy---” 

  “ARE YOU TEXTING OTHER GIRLS?” Maddy shouted.

  “Can we talk about this somewhere else?” Nate asked. 

  Maddy sighed. “Are you gonna let me see your phone?”

  “Maddy, we need to talk.” 

  “Don’t talk to me again.” 

  Before Nate could respond, Maddy dumped the contents of her lunch tray over his head and threw the tray aside. Kat and Bebe followed her as she strutted out of the cafeteria amid the shocked gasps. 

   “I’m gonna go check on her,” Cassie whispered.

  We all nodded and she quietly exited the room. As I stared at Nate, the supposed king of the school, drenched in soggy salad and fat-free milk, I wondered why he could never stay broken up with Maddy. Their relationship was not just toxic, it was volatile. Their breakups were always public and outrageous, but they always ended up back together. No one questioned it either. I never understood why people could continue to choose relationship they knew was bad over pursuing something new. I told Tyler as much that night. 

   Y/N: It’s like those dogs that get killed by electric fences because they keep walking into them.

  Tyler: U have a good point, but, that couple’s relationship is more complicated than u think. 

  Y/N: Probably, but, it doesn’t look that way. They hurt each other a lot.

  Tyler: How do u know? 

   Y/N: Bc I’ve seen it. I don’t mean 2 b judgy, but, I could never be in a relationship like that. 

  Tyler: Well, I don’t think anyone would b if they knew it would b bad. 

  Y/N: Good point. But, why would they get back together so much? 

  Tyler: Idk them, but, it could b bc it’s familiar and it’s what they know.

  Y/N: Still, it’s messed up.

 Tyler: Yeah, but I don’t wanna talk abt them anymore.

 Y/N: K, what do u wanna talk abt? 

  A few seconds later, Tyler sent me a picture so graphically beautiful that I was convinced I passed out.

 The next day, I showed Rue and Jules the picture during break time.

 “Holy crap!” Jules took my phone and leaned into it for closer inspection. 

 “Tyler is packing,” Rue agreed. 

  Jules slid my phone back to me. “You haven’t replied to him?”    “No, and he hasn’t talked to me at all today.”

  “He’s probably expecting a reply that’s similar to what he sent,” Rue said.

  My face warmed up. “I can’t send him nudes,” I hissed.

  “Why not? It’s like the greeting cards of our generation,” Jules stated.

  “Really? You’d send your grandparents a greeting card of your naked body?” I replied sarcastically.

  “Relax, if you’re uncomfortable, we can help you,” Jules assured.

  “We can?” Rue asked.

  “We can.” Jules gave her a look and Rue relaxed. 

  “It’s still weird, but, I guess you guys can come over after school.”

  “Sweet! Your mom still bakes cookies for you after school, right?” Jules asked.

  I nodded.

  “She might stop once she learns her darling favorite older child is sending nudes,” Rue snorted as she spoke.

  I recoiled in my seat, taking a second to bask in the sun’s warmth. “Don’t remind me.” 

  After swim practice, once my teammates left the locker room, I eyed my naked form in the mirror. I had nothing to be ashamed of, really, thanks to all the swimming, but, I just felt weird being naked in front of people. There was something so vulnerable about it, like, being on display in a museum or lying on a cold surgery table. But, online dating was supposed to get me out of my comfort zone and I’d found someone who’d made me feel comfortable enough to do it. With this resolve, I changed into a hoodie and some sweatpants and left the school. It was dusk and I typically walked home after practice since it wasn’t far. Plus, I’d told Jules and Rue to just go to my house after school. 

  The late breeze rippled past me and I dug my hands into my pants’ pockets as I started walking towards the parking lot. There was barely anyone around, except stoners hotboxing their cars, some couples making out, and dance team members and football players getting out of practice.

  I kept my head down as I maneuvered around the few cars and people around. It felt like someone could spot what I was about to do once I got home and it was nervewracking. All I had to do was get home, let Jules make me look even better, take these pictures, and never thinking of it again.

   “Something on your mind, Y/N?” Nate called.

   I froze and snapped my head up to look at him. He was leaning against his truck, looking like a model for Ford in only a tshirt and jeans. Ford should hire him. 

   “No, not really,” I said. 

   I started to side step the truck, eyeing the sidewalk that was only a few yards away as though it was a lifeline. 

  “Get in,” Nate ordered.

  I paused and looked at him. “Excuse me?” 

  “I see you walking home all the time, let me do you a favor, one athlete to another.” Nate was about halfway in the driver’s seat of the car and all I could do was stare.

  “We’ve...never really talked before,” I stated. 

  “We can talk during the drive.” 

   I stepped back and my eyes flittered around, like the best decision would hit me in the face. Then, I saw Maddy across the lot. She was standing with a couple of dance team girls, including Cassie. She stared me down as though daring me to do it. I glanced from her to Nate, who started the engine loudly. 

   I quickly climbed into the passenger’s seat and stared into Maddy’s reflection in the rearview mirror as he pulled out of the parking lot. 

  “How do you know where I live?” I asked.

  “You forgot that I gave you a ride before?” Nate asked.

  “When?” 

  “After Cassie’s sweet sixteen. You blacked out, your friends were panicking, and I offered to take you home. For some reason, you remembered your address,” Nate recalled.

  “Oh, thanks?” 

  “Sure.” 

  We pulled up to my house a few minutes later, Lil Wayne bragging about his conquests filling the quiet. I hopped out of the truck and grabbed my bag. 

  “Thanks for the ride, this one, I mean, I owe you,” I said.

  “Yeah, see you around, Y/N.” 

  I closed the door and headed inside.

  “I’m home!” I called.

  My mom poked her head out from the kitchen. “Y/N, how was school and practice?” 

  “Fine.” 

  “Was that Nate Jacobs outside?” 

  I hesitated. 

  How did she know what Nate’s truck looked like?  “Yeah, he gave me a ride today.” 

  “Aw, isn’t that sweet? Rue and Jules are waiting for you in your room. They took the cookies with them.”  

  I nodded and went to my room. As soon as I walked in, they bombarded me with questions.

  “Why did Nate give you a ride?” Rue asked.

  “What did you guys talk about?” Jules inquired. 

  “Don’t you hate him?” 

  “He’s kind of a dick, but, unfortunately, super good looking.”

  “Did Maddy see?” 

  “Do you think she’s gonna kill you?” 

  “Guys, I don’t know but I do know that if you do not take amazing pictures of me with no clothes on soon, I will delete my entire profile,” I interrupted. 

  They both nodded. 

  “But, we will ask for details later,” Jules insisted.

  “Okay, but, please give me a cookie, I’ll need it to get through this.” 

  Rue extended the plate towards me and I bit into the melty goodness as Jules began doing my makeup. It was simple, only bringing out my best features. I made them both turn around as I undressed. Once I had, Jules encouraged me.

  “You look amazing, I would be shocked if he didn’t jizz in his pants,” Jules said.

  “Lower your voice, Y/B/N can only play Five Nights at Freddy’s so loud,” I hissed.

  Jules held her hands up and Rue direct me to lay on the bed, my phone held up in front of her.

  “Okay, look sexy,” Rue said.

  I tried to smolder, but, by their expressions, I did not achieve it.

  “No, like, pout your lips, like, you just heard that TheOdd1sOut is not uploading for a month,” Jules directed.

  “And give the camera bedroom eyes, you know, as though it’s Tyler.”

  “Okay.”    After a few pictures, I slowly got the hang of it and even started posing a little naturally.

  “Oh my gosh, Tyra is shook!” Jules cheered. 

 “Yeah, these are pretty good if I do say so myself.” Rue handed me my phone and I flipped through the pictures. 

  She was a talented photogrpaher and I joked that maybe she should go professional.

  “Yeah, I’m sure I’d have a nice clientele.” 

  I laughed as I changed back into my hoodie and sweatpants. “Okay, help me pick one to send.” 

  Jules took my phone and she and Rue began scrolling.

  “No, the lighting’s off in this one,” Jules muttered.

  “No, it’s never off in any of these,” Rue argued. 

  “I’m not shading your talent, I’m just trying to find the best thing for Y/N to send Tyler.” 

  After a little more bickering, we all agreed on the picture and I sent it to Tyler.

  “Should I follow it up with something?” I asked.

  “Maybe say ‘Wrong person’? Guys want what other guys want,” Jules suggested.

  “Or say ‘Sorry for the late reply’,” Rue added.

  “I’ll go with Rue’s, sorry, Jules.” 

  Jules shrugged. 

  I sent everything off and my friends and I watched as Tyler typed a response.

  Tyler: It was worth the wait ;).

  We squealed so loud that my mom yelled for us to keep it down. We apologized as we descended into a fit of giggles. Through it all, I could not help but feel so bouncy and light all over. Was I...falling for this total stranger? 

  “What do you think he looks like?” Jules asked during lunch later that week.

  I shrugged. “It’s different every day, if that makes sense.” 

  “I guess that’s the nice thing about interacting with someone who doesn’t show their face,” Jules thought outloud. 

  “How do you see him now?” Lexi asked. 

  I sighed. “Right now, I think he’s tall, six feet at least. He’s got a mix of blonde and brown hair like a surfer because it’s lightened from all the time he’s spent in the sun. He has green eyes, freckles, and he dresses well.” 

  “Sounds amazing,” Jules said as she rest her chin in her hand. 

  Rue nodded slowly. “You’re not nervous or anything?” 

  “No, this is so cheesy, but, I feel like I know him, you know? He’s so easy to talk to and has so much to say.”

  “Y/N’s blushing,” Jules teased. “Do you love him?” 

  “I really, really, really, like him.” 

  “Do you think you’ll meet soon?” Lexi asked.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know, neither of us has brought it up.”

  “Well, it just matters that you’re comfortable, okay?” Rue said.

  “Okay.” 

  If I was honest, I did not know if I wanted to meet Tyler. I knew that I liked him more than I liked anyone before, but, there was something strange about breaking this wall the internet provided us. It was freer to talk on the internet than it was in person. What if I said something stupid in front of him? What if he thought that I looked different in person? What if he looked different in person? 

  I managed to keep these thoughts at bay for the rest of the day until I got home. Post-dinner had been officially declared Talk to Tyler Time. None of my family knew what I was doing besides blasting Amy Winehouse in my room for about an hour. My laugh nearly overpowered her high note in “Best Friends, Right?”. I had to blink away my happy tears as I replied to him. 

  Y/N: That did not happen!  Tyler: Yes it did! Do u want 2 c the scar????

 Y/N: No, I think I’m good.

 I wiped away my tears and settled under the covers. I wondered if his friends would agree that Tyler gets into some weird situations as well. Just as I started typing, Tyler beat me.

 Tyler: I want 2 meet u.

 The speed that I launched my phone away from me almost shocked me more than the text.

  Almost.

  My heartbeat thrummed in my ears. This was it, I knew I couldn’t avoid him much longer, but, I felt like I couldn’t move. All I could do was stare at my phone like it was the most offensive object in the world. Slowly, I regained mobility and grabbed my phone. I took a deep breath.

  “Take a chance, Y/L/N,” I whispered.

  Y/N: When and where?

    “You’re meeting him tonight?” Jules squealed the next day.

  I hushed her as people in the hallway paused to look at us. “Not so loud.”   “But this is so exciting. Please let me help you decide what to wear,” Jules pleaded with a pout. 

  “Sure,” I said. 

  Jules hugged me. “This is going to be so fun. I won’t go crazy with glitter since this is the first time you’re meeting this guy.” 

 “Thanks?” 

 “Do your parents know?” Rue asked.

 “No,” I replied as I slowly pulled away from Jules. “They’re coming Senior Night tonight, though. and I’m going to meet him at Mercy Park an hour before it ends.” 

 “Are you sure you even want to do this? I know that Jules and I tease you about your love life, but, this is risky,” Rue said. 

 “You weren’t saying that when you were helping me with those pictures the other day,” I shot back.

  “That was different. You’re...you’re actually meeting him now and he could be a psychopath or a sociopath or, just, a creepy old guy who likes to look at teenagers!” Rue insisted.

  “Rue, relax, everything’s going to be fine.”

  “You don’t know that!” She turned on her heel and hurried into the bathroom with Jules and I on her tail. 

  When we entered, Rue was leaning against the wall, panting and staring up at the ceiling. Jules and I approached her slowly as the girls who were in the bathroom quickly filed out. 

  “Rue, slow down your breathing,” I said slowly.

  “I...I can’t. You-you could get hurt or something and-and I would know about it an-and I-I couldn’t live with that!” Tears burst from her eyes as Rue began pacing and Jules and I were close but gave her room. 

  “Rue, Y/N is going to be okay, we both know what time she’ll be at the park. If anything happens, we’ll know the area she could be in,” Jules assured her.

  Rue shook her head and stopped in her tracks. Then, she looked between us helplessly before bowing her head and sobbing. Jules and I carefully hugged her and let her cry.

  “I’m sorry that I’m scared and I care about you and I don’t want you to get hurt,” Rue mumbled into my shirt.

  “It’s okay, I appreciate it. I really want to meet Tyler, though, and, I promise I will let you know if something happens, okay?” 

  Rue nodded and sniffled.

   It took Jules about an hour to make me look amazing. I had no idea my hair could be so fluffy and put together until she was done with it. She used eyeliner to make eyes look bigger and rounder and added sparkly lip gloss to make my lips look plumper. After she contoured and highlighted the best places she deemed that her work was done. My outfit, a fitted forest green long-sleeve shirt and fitted black pants with Jadons, was also approved by her.

  “Tell me everything later!” she insisted.

  Rue couldn’t join us since she had “prior commitments” but I texted her that I would let her know when I head to the park and when I leave. My nerves didn’t let me focus on the soccer game my parents insisted I joined them and my brother at. I couldn’t care less that the forward on one team got a yellow card or that the goalie on the other team made illegal blocks. I was practically buzzing with excitement and fear so much that I had to give my pretzel to Y/B/N. Finally, the third quarter arrived and I told my parents that I would meet them at home since I’d promised Lexi that I would help her with some homework. 

  Lexi wouldn’t mind being used for a lie this one time; it was an emergency.

  I tried to practice some calming deep breaths as I walked over to the park. The dark night sky provided a little bit of comfort to my walk. I wondered how different Tyler would look from the picture in my mind. I wondered if he thought I would look any different. Maybe (hopefully) it wouldn’t matter to either of us.

  Finally, I reached the park. It was empty, save for the oak trees scattered throughout the lush green scenery that seemed mysterious under the mooonlight. A few benches and wooden tables were around as well, but, Tyler and I had agreed to meet at the fountain which was further in the park. The breathing exercises had to have helped because I felt much more relaxed and I hoped that everything would go all right. 

   When I got to the fountain, there was a tall person facing it. All I could make out were dark clothes and broad shoulders. I took another deep breath and kept walking.

  “This is a nice spot, you have good taste,” I commented. 

  “I could say the same for you.” I stopped in my tracks as Nate slowly turned to face me. His face was unreadable but his eyes stayed on me. 

  “What? Wh-where’s Tyler?” I asked, my voice already hoarse. 

  Nate glanced down at his shoes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know how else to talk to you.” 

  I shook my head. “No.” My vision got blurry but I could tell that Nate was looking up at me now. 

  “Just let me explain,” he requested softly. 

  He took a step towards me and I took two steps back .

 “I don’t wanna hear it. This....this is some sick joke to you or something?” 

 “No, never, Y/N, just listen to me.” 

 “I don’t want to!” The tears rolled down my cheeks and I swiped at them so hard that I thought I scratched myself. At least I could feel something because my heart felt numb. “You catfished me!” 

  “I just wanted to talk to you, I really do like you, Y/N. Tyler and I are the same, just different names,” Nate insisted, coming closer.

  For some reason, I didn’t move. I didn’t know if it was from emotional exhaustion or stress, but, I let him approach me. I kept shaking my head. 

  “No,” I hiccuped. 

  “I wanted to meet you tonight because I was tired of lying. I want to figure this, us, out,” Nate said.

  I sniffed. “Us?” 

  At that moment, I could actually see his face and Nate seemed so hopeful. There was a slight smile on his lips and his eyes seemed light for once. Maybe he wanted there to be an “us”. Maybe, despite all logic, he wanted to talk to me seriously and could not do it offline because of his reputation. Maybe, he was over the on-again-off-again situation with Maddy. Maybe, this was my chance, our chance.

  I wiped my face again, mentally cringing at how upset Jules would be for my ruining her masterpiece. 

  “Yeah, us.” Nate stepped closer to me, gently wrapped his arms around my waist, and pulled me into his chest.

  Gradually, my muscles relaxed and I relished in the feeling of his strong upper body and his warmth. Then, I began to feel pressure on my waist and gasped as it intensified. 

  “Nate, you’re...squeezing...too hard,” I rasped out. 

  And he started laughing, no, cackling. As he laughed, his grip tightened and I continued gasping and clawing at everything I could. 

  “Nate...stop!” 

  But he kept laughing and squeezing. When he finally released me, I looked up and saw nothing behind his eyes. Everything in me told me to run, but, I knew he could have easily caught up to me.

  “I really thought you were smarter than that, Y/N. C’mon, you couldn’t honestly think that I would do all this to be with you,” he sneered.

  “So why do it then?” I asked, my voice so small that I could have kicked myself for it. 

  Nate sighed and folded his arms. “Because you made it so easy and, to ask for a favor.” 

  “What? That makes no sense,” I argued. “I told you I owed you one that day you gave me a ride!” 

  “Yeah, well, I needed to make sure that you were available when I needed you.” 

  “Whatever, screw you,” I hissed as I pivoted on my heel. 

  “Too late for you, you’re already screwed.” Nate pulled out a folder from inside his jacket pocket. “Remember those special pictures you sent to Tyler? Well, they count as distribution of child pornography, which has a hefty fine and sentence.” 

   My mouth opened and closed several times before I faced him and responded. “But...but you held them, doesn’t that count towards possession? And, you’re extorting me!” 

  Nate glowered at me and stormed over. “Heresay, no solid evidence for your case. Plus, I’m a Jacobs, so, who are you kidding?” 

   I felt so sick to my stomach that I could have thrown up, fainted, or cried at that moment. This was not real, this could not be real.

   “What do you want?” I asked.

   “Like I said, just be available when I need you.” 

  “Fine.” 

  “Sorry, what was that?” He gripped my chin his hand and forced me to look up at him.

  “Okay,” I said softly.

  “Hmm.” His eyes scanned my face before he released me. “And if I ever hear you judging my relationship with Maddy again, these pictures are going to be the least of your concern.” 

  I nodded weakly, regretting every single thing I ever told him. Nate Jacobs was truly the devil. He wandered off into the night like a centurion leaving a victorious battle. It seemed like he always won. 

  I managed not to start crying until I was on the empty sidewalk. No, I sobbed so bad that my throat went dry. 

  How could I have been so stupid? I should have known it was him that day Maddy yelled at him for texting all day. 

  Stupid, stupid, stupid!

  My sobs continued as I grabbed my phone and texted Rue. 

  Y/N: U were right. 

[iaintyourbro]

What’s your take on Cloud’s depression during AC? People on twitter are suddenly talking about this, again. This matter was brought up by those antis saying that we Clotis should accept the fact that Tifa wasn’t the one who “healed” Cloud and that she was also being mean and not considerate whatsoever. The funny thing is that, they also accused us of denying his depression and not understanding it. TF. Let’s be real, Tifa played a major part, in fact she gave him morale thx to her “scolding” lol

Hey anon.. 

Yeah, Twitter has me depressed today. I think it started last night. I was enjoying it for a bit, but the last week or two have been so bad over there with bullshit that I’m about to just take a break from the entire fandom. 

My Take on AC Cloud:

I watched AC when it first came out, and I barely remember it. I remember I didn’t like what they did. Why was Cloud so depressed and brooding? Oh Aerith is in this? Interesting. I felt like it was disjointed and removed a lot of the great progress Cloud made in OG. They kept this depressed, brooding guy in KH as well... It just didn’t seem right to me. I was young, too. 

At this point we also didn’t have On the Way to a Smile, Crisis Core, or anything else, really.. None of the Ultimanias were in English at this point. I also was not interested enough in going online. It was a weird time when I was playing other things and was meh on FF7 for a while. I was always a FF8 fangirl, so was jealous of FF7 at times hahaha. It got so much more attention and love. 

It took me a long time to watch it again. I remember my husband watching it before Remake came out and I felt mad or sad. It was like an emotion from memory, and I didn’t know why. I can’t describe it. I saw it on the TV and was like why is this on here... 

After playing Remake, I bit the bullet and ordered AC Complete, which had things tweaked and added. I also am now in my 30′s and have a lot more life experience.

Antis like to say Cloud is depressed solely because Aerith is dead and he wants to be with her. This may be one of the reasons I didn’t like AC, because when I did happen to come across some FF7 thing online, I’d see this shit and be like whatever, that makes no sense. 

I enjoyed ACC. My heart was actually pounding and I was nervous/intrigued by what was going on even though I knew the story. I haven’t read all of CoT yet, but I’ve seen the excerpts online, so I know the general gist of things.

Based strictly on ACC:

Cloud is really upset that Denzel is sick. He’s obsessively looking up medical stuff to figure out how to cure it - this is shown with everything all over his desk. He’s closed in on himself to do this. I did the same shit when my dad had cancer. I did it for three fucking years while he was alive - from the time he got diagnosed to the day he was dying. Every damn day I looked up articles, research, and theories. It’s not healthy. It’s depressing and I closed myself off from the world half the time and didn’t realize it. Thank God my husband is a patient saint. 

Cloud does care a lot about Tifa. His reaction alone at seeing her knocked out in the church is heart wrenching. When they’re brought back to Seventh Heaven, Cloud pops right up when he sees Tifa there. He then stays with her until she wakes up. This is a pretty good amount of time. The sun is up when he’s looking over her, and when she wakes up, it’s dark outside. He could have slipped out again without her noticing if he really wanted to. I’m sure he may have contemplated it. 

She calls his ass out on how he’s acting. She knows he’s sick at this point. This was huge for Tifa who’s not confrontational. He clearly doesn’t want to completely disconnect, or he would have gotten rid of his cell phone voluntarily. He doesn’t. They actually show him checking his messages. 

Ultimately Cloud leaves because he ends up with Geostigma. That’s the last straw. He can’t face the fact that he’s going to die and what it’ll do to his family, so he leaves. Listen, I think the only reason my dad didn’t try to leave when he was diagnosed was because he had nowhere to go and by time he started verbalizing wanting to leave, he was physically unable to. Yes, I remember him being angry because he was hospitalized again and he told my mom he was going to get an apartment by himself so she didn’t know when he was getting bad. It’s very hurtful to even think it, and even worse when you know they don’t actually mean it... They do it because they don’t want to see their family hurt. 

The setup he has at the church as his “living” area is super depressing. It looks like something a homeless person sets up. He legit was going to wait to die. He had a lot of knowledge about this, so he figured there was nothing he could do. 

Marlene calls Cloud out on his bullshit too. Cloud admits to her he doesn’t think he can take care of anybody. Marlene Barrret quotes him and it’s cute. I think Cloud appreciated it and I think it made him think.

In ACC, Cloud has a short conversation with Aerith. Aerith seems almost annoyed with him like “wtf is your deal, dude” kind of attitude. Zack shows up when he’s bloody and half dead fighting Sephiroth to encourage him. There are scenes with him talking at Zack’s grave and saying he couldn’t keep his promise to him. He flat out tells Aerith he wants to be forgiven. He doesn’t say I miss you, I want to be with you, none of that happens. In fact, it’s mainly her telling him HE needs to start doing some forgiving - ultimately to himself. 

When Cloud is in limbo - between living and dying - Cloud says “Mom.” Very romantic, I know. Then Zack and Aerith have a conversation very similar to a couple that’s going to adopt a child and they tell Cloud he’s too big for them. This is the “I see the light” and the person on the other side is like “nah bro go back, not your time yet.”

He wakes up, Tifa and crew is there, he smiles at Tifa... and it’s a happy ending. He sees both Zack AND Aerith at the end, and they walk off in to the light together all cute and shit.

Adding in Things from the Novels/Interviews/Thoughts:

The devs have said Cloud was happy with his family and that scared him. The happier he got, the more scared he got. We know he cherishes everything. He especially cherishes the family he has.

Cloud’s depression spiral started from the high anxiety of having a happy life and Elmyra asking him to deliver flowers to Aerith’s grave. Now, I have my feelings about this, but when I look at it logically, I don’t think Elmyra ultimately does this out of spite. I actually don’t think Elmyra thinks Cloud and Aerith were a thing - so it wasn’t that either. I think she knew Cloud was friends with her and maybe he’d want to deliver some flowers - to give him some business. 

This flower delivery reminds Cloud of what he thinks is his failure to protect somebody else. At this point he has his memories of what happened to Nibelheim, his mother, Tifa, and Zack. The Sector 7 plate drop and Aerith are the most recent “failures”. So this brings up Aerith.

Then Denzel comes along and he’s an orphan because his parents were... yeah... killed during the Sector 7 plate collapse. Double ouch. But Cloud and Tifa are going to take care of him.

Tifa herself has a lot of guilt because of the same reasons, she just deals with it very differently. Tifa tells Cloud to bring Denzel right home. She can make amends by adopting him in to her family and caring for him. Cloud thinks Aerith brought Denzel to him (Tifa corrects him). This is a Cloud thing, it’s not romantic. Cloud doesn’t know the guilt Tifa feels. He legit thinks all of this is his fault. Tifa’s guilt stems from the fact that Shinra drops the plate because Avalanche was in Sector 7 - she was in Avalanche. She feels guilty about Aerith because she thinks its her fault Aerith followed them to Don Corneo’s mansion. The thing is, Aerith doesn’t blame EITHER of them - I just wish they’d cover a Tifa/Aerith conversation about this as well... 

Cloud and Tifa do have fights in the novels from what I understand, but it’s because he’s acting weird. He feels bad hiding the fact that he’s been going to the church a lot, and I think that does turn in to a whole LTD debate. So you can take this as Tifa is jealous that he’s going to the church all the time or she’s upset that he is hiding from her. 

In the novels, Tifa has a breakdown when they go see the church after they defeat Sephiroth. This is where you get to see how badly Aerith’s death impacted her. So my thought is... Cloud thinks bringing her to the church hurts her because of her feelings, not because she’s jealous. I think Cloud is oblivious to the jealousy thing, honestly. Don’t think it’s a thought in his mind. 

I honestly don’t know the real reason why he goes to the church to hide. I think this is another point of fight with both sides. My personal take is there was nowhere else he could go and be alone. Most of the stuff had been destroyed. It was still close by, so he could still do his work and keep an eye on things/be nearby.

There is a quote that is taken to be literal, but I think it’s just a way to say it wouldn’t have mattered who Cloud was “with.” Yes, Tifa and Cloud have issues, and I believe the quote goes “Perhaps it would have gone better with Aerith, but I think her responsibility is too great. Maybe the children will help them with their issues.” This isn’t exact, but it’s the jist of what they said. The children do help them - that’s the point of the scenes with Marlene, to slap him silly with reality. 

“Oh but he sees Aerith when the building is falling.” Yes, you know why? Because he thinks that’s going to happen to Tifa. This is a “NO I’M NOT LETTING THIS HAPPEN.” moment. On top of it, I don’t think anybody would be right again if they saw this happen. If my neighbor was impaled by a large sword in their back, I’d be messed up from it. I don’t really know my neighbors. He’s not replaying this death scene in his head cuz he misses Aerith, he’s playing it in his head because it’s traumatic and he doesn't want to see this happen to Tifa. Especially Tifa. 

It’s been put in Ultimanias time and time again that Cloud’s feelings are for Tifa. I went through my Ultimania - which only covers OG - and it doesn’t say anything about Cloud’s side of the CA argument. It does say how he feels about Tifa in the Lifestream, though. 

The “He wants to die for her, see, that’s why he’s going to the church and waiting.” No, he doesn’t want to die or else he wouldn’t be so depressed. Just thinking this is fucked up on so many levels. If he really wanted to die and be with her, he’d be happy he got an incurable illness, I’d think... Cloud leaves Tifa and them because he doesn’t want to hurt him with him dying and not being able to stop it. 

The other thing that would be... weird... Zack is in the Lifestream with Aerith. They walk off together for a reason. I don’t think she’s going to just drop Zack for Cloud since the whole reason she was initially interested in Cloud was because of the similarities to Zack. He had the same sword, the same clothes, and in OG had some of the same mannerisms. I noticed the dropped the squatting in Remake - the random squatting.

The ending of ACC implies that now that Geostigma is cured and Sephiroth is (hopefully) gone for good, Cloud can be happy. I’m not saying that his smile fixes everything. I’m sure that him and Tifa had to work on things, but you can see in DoC that things seem to be much better - he’s more upbeat and happy. He’s more dorky, like he should be. 

Sorry this is long. I have a lot of feelings about all this stuff today. I’ve been seeing the fights over on Twitter about it and.. yeah. Cloud is depressed because of the fact he’s dying, his kid is dying, and he can’t seem to do anything right in his mind.

Thanks for the ask. 

[snow-lavender]

The Last Day of Sanity

AKA, “Ahh, there’s the bitch”

Word Count: 10959

Yeah so this one maybe got away from me in terms of length. But I’m also really proud of it, and proud of getting it done. Thank you for reading if you do!

Warnings:  suicidal impulses, discussion of suicide, apparent (but not actual) suicide, mild blood and gore, hospitals, talks of institutionalization, ableism and derogatory language toward those with psychosis and similar conditions, violence (though not very described, mostly implied), and apparent character death. (It's Say Goodbye, so, y'know. Fun times.)

AO3 Link Here

Seán was staring at his ceiling. That wasn’t exactly rare these days. 

His head was pounding, just like it had been for the last week. His hands were shaking. He couldn’t get warm. He couldn’t focus. Sometimes, when it was especially bad, he could barely string together a sentence.

Simply put, he was a wreck.

Something flickered at the edge of his vision. When he looked, there was Robin, covered in blood and stab wounds. He didn’t move, just stood by the closet, staring at him. 

His breath hitched for a moment, but he forced it back under control. Pushing up to sit, he tried to calm down. “One, two, three, four.” he muttered as he inhaled. He repeated this as he held, exhaled, held.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

When he opened his eyes, Robin was still there, a few feet closer. He closed his eyes and tried again.

One, two, three, four.

It’s not real.

One, two, three, four.

It’s not.

He looked again. Robin was looming over him now. “Fuck it,” he muttered, pulling out his phone and snapping a picture of Robin's face.

To: I’m a Cat Man: hey s there anythibg there

A second later, he got a reply.

From: I’m a Cat Man: Nope, you’re all good.

To: I’m a Cat Man: Thx

Sure enough, when he looked back up, he was alone again. Laying back down, he spoke aloud. “Really, man? I know you can only do one of these a day. Why blow it this early in the morning?”

As expected, Scáth didn’t reply.

Seán sighed and closed his eyes again. This whole thing wasn’t exactly uncommon. Something about Halloween made it stronger, and brought out its more sadistic streak. He was used to that; he’d been dealing with it for twenty-some years. But this year was worse than it had ever been. Normally, it was just shadows at the edge of his vision, hearing things that weren’t there, maybe three or four nightmares about his family getting horrifically murdered. This was the first year Scáth had been able to create full-blown hallucinations. 

Fucking family curse.

His stomach growled. Seán groaned, but pushed himself out of bed. If he really focused, he might be able to put up a front long enough to make some coffee and cereal. And then go back to bed and nap until he needed to record. 

At least this year, he had some help. Marvin had seen him collapse last week, when he’d had his first hallucination. After hours of non-stop prodding, he’d finally weaseled out the truth. That made exactly one person on the planet that knew he was still dealing with this shit.

Back when he was a kid, he’d told his family about the voices and the shadows. The next few years had been frantic, trying to find some sort of “cure”. He’d eventually decided to stop being such a stressor and just fake being better.

After that, he managed to strike up a sort of symbiosis with Scáth. They would talk occasionally. He tried to indulge it every now and then; it must be boring being stuck in the head of some depressed asshole, after all. And in response, Scáth had been a bit more lenient in recent years. He’d thought maybe they were finally sort-of getting along.

Apparently, that wasn’t the case. 

Jackie looked up from his textbook. “Oh hey, you’re finally up! Took you long enough.”

“Mhm.” Seán just walked over to the counter and put on a pot of coffee. He opened up the cupboard. Did he have enough energy to make oatmeal?

Jackie looked at him curiously. “Are you okay? You look pretty out of it.”

“Hmm?” Seán looked up. “What’d you say?”

Jackie stood up from the table and walked over to him. “Seriously, dude. What's up? You look like shit.”

“Feel like shit.” he replied, rubbing at his face. “I must’ve caught a bug or something. I’m dealing with it.”

“How’d you catch anything? You never leave the house!” Jackie said, smirking. 

Seán shoved him playfully. “Alright, alright.” He pulled back. “Really, Jackie, I’m okay. I’ll take some Tylenol or something. Don’t worry about it.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” No. This was only going to get worse. But he didn’t want to bother the others with it. He’d dealt before; he could deal now.

Jackie still looked a little skeptical. “Okay, I guess. Yell if you need anything?”

“Yeah, of course. I’m gonna go work, see ya.”

Seán walked out of the kitchen, coffee in hand, and nearly collapsed against the wall. Fuck. He needed a nap before he recorded, but none of the stuff was done up for today yet. He groaned into his mug and started the trek back upstairs. 20 minutes. He could rush out a thumbnail in 20 minutes and then he could sleep. Maybe. 

Belatedly, he realized he never actually ate anything. Oh well. The day was already started, and he was not walking back down those stairs again. 

Only four more weeks left of the month.

Fuck his life.

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=<

“I’m gonna stay on my fucking bongos! Yeah!” Seán smiled, leaning back. “That should be all good, Robin, but tell me if the audio levels need tweaking.” With that, he leaned forward and turned off the camera. The game was much better than the last two, he had to give it that. Still not as good as the first, though. He clicked upload, putting the footage in his dropbox.

The cockroaches swarming his arm chittered. He looked down at them and sighed. “You done?” he asked, brushing them off. He ground a few under his feet for good measure, then got up and headed to the kitchen. 

Marvin and Henrik were there already, testing another one of Hen’s hypotheses. Something about manipulating objects and line of sight, he wasn’t sure on the details. Seán ducked under the floating twigs and grabbed some yogurt. He frowned when he heard a thump behind him. Turning around, he asked, “You guys okay-”

Both men were on the floor. Marvin was gurgling, his throat slit. Henrik was motionless, a bleeding hole in his forehead. A man with a knife stood over them, face shadowed.

Seán dropped his bowl with a clatter. He backed up against the wall. “No, no, no,” he panted. “What did you- Who are you?”

The man turned to him, head cocking in curiosity. Then he took a step forward.

“Get away from me!” Seán shrieked, grabbing a steak knife off the counter and holding it out in front of himself. “Don’t come any closer!”

The man didn’t listen. He strode forward, reaching toward Seán. Seán screamed as the man grabbed him. “No, please!”

“Seán!”

He lowered his hands, and suddenly Henrik was knelt in front of him. “Seán, look at me, try to breathe.” Henrik spoke slowly, reassuringly.

“What...Schneep?” Seán glanced back to the center of the room. “But you were...where did…”

“Look at me.” Henrik said. “Just focus here.” He set a hand on Seán’s forehead. “You feel warm. You did not actually recover from that virus, did you?”

“...No.”

“I see.” Henrik stood up. “I will run out to the pharmacy. Marvin, watch Seán.” He stalked out of the kitchen, muttering to himself. 

Marvin slowly sat down next to Seán, who had buried his face in his hands. He pulled off his mask and ran a hand through his hair. “Bad one?”

Seán didn’t speak for a moment, instead leaning into Marvin’s side. “Yeah…”

There was silence for a while longer. Eventually, Seán spoke up again. “That was the second one today.”

“What? I thought you said-”

“I did. It’s never been able to do that before.”

Marvin rubbed at his face. “Fuck, man. What should we do?”

“Dunno.”

Marvin bit his lip. “I know what you said before, but maybe we should find someone else. I’m kinda out of my depth here.” “Mhm...”

“Have you thought about maybe getting an exorci-”

“No!”

Seán pulled away from Marvin. “No, please, I can’t..I can’t do that again. Please don’t make me.”

Marvin reeled back, surprised. “Are you okay?”

Seán shook his head. “I don’t- we can’t. Please don’t. They hurt so much.”

“Hey, it was just an idea.” Marvin leaned back against the counter. “What d’you suggest, then?”

Seán didn’t reply. He was too focused on steadying his breathing again. “I can’t see an exorcist.” he repeated.

Marvin looked worried. “Okay, I got it, jeez.” He shuffled away from Seán a bit. “Now what?”

“I don’t know.”

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=< 

Things only got worse from there.

The hallucinations got more frequent and more violent. Seán was trying to weather them, but he was often bedridden with nausea now, and there was no distraction in his room. 

He knew Jackie and Henrik were getting suspicious. Hen had prescribed something stronger after the first week, some sort of antibiotic. Seán had just been flushing them down the toilet. He didn’t want a fucked up immune system on top of all this. 

Which led to now, the four of them all sitting together in the living room. Seán couldn’t stop fidgeting, and he could see Marvin glancing at the others, concerned. He sucked in a breath, scrunched his shoulders, and spoke. 

“I’m cursed.”

Jackie and Henrik both squinted at him. “Come again?” Henrik asked.

Seán closed his eyes. “My family’s got a curse and I got stuck with it and this thing is always haunting me and usually it’s fine but it gets worse in October but not this bad so this is unusual and I keep hallucinating and I feel like shit I’m sorry.” He looked back up.

Jackie looked both confused and on edge, like he usually did around new magic. Henrik, on the other hand, looked perfectly neutral. “I think I maybe misheard, Jack, you said you were cursed and haunted? This is why you have been so off lately?”

Seán nodded. “I don’t know why it’s so much worse this year. It won’t talk to me either, I’ve only seen what it shows me. It’s like it’s...I don’t know. Acting like it’s angry at me or something?”

“And this is normal for you? This talking to it and seeing it?”

“Yeah.” Seán frowned. “I feel like that’s not really the important part here though? I just wanted to let you guys know why I’m all messed up right now. Marvin and I are trying to figure it out.” He waved an arm in Marvin’s direction.

Henrik turned sharply. “You are?”

Marvin glared back. “Just cause I’m not gifted in healing doesn’t mean I can’t help.” He exhaled. “It’s a little hard to research. But I’m getting some wards and potions and stuff. That should keep it under control.”

“I see.”

Jackie broke in, “How can I help, though? I mean, obviously I’m useless with the magic stuff, but there’s gotta be something I can do, right? You’re also just sick, so I could help with food and cleaning and shit.”

“And what about a doctor?’ Henrik asked.

“Are you serious?” Marvin replied, standing up. “Your friend just told you he’s been dealing with something that would drive a lesser man insane, and you’re so focused on your pride that you get upset he didn’t come to you?”

“In case you didn’t notice, I said ‘a doctor’. Not ‘me’.” Henrik pushed himself up as well. “This has nothing to do with my pride.”

“Guys, please.” Seán said, rubbing at his eyes. “It’s a magic thing, Hen, a doctor isn’t going to help. They sure as shit didn’t help when I was a kid.”

“Well, then they were a bad doctor.” Henrik walked over and sat next to Seán. “Please Jack, let me call a taxi. It’s a Thursday, the emergency room won’t be busy.” he pleaded, resting an arm on his shoulder.

Seán leaned into it. “I’ll be okay. October’s half over anyway, this’ll be done after Halloween. I can deal with it,” he said, smiling.

Henrik looked like he wanted to say more, but Seán got up before he could. “I’m gonna try to get some sleep. Night all.”

Jackie trailed behind him. “You need help up the stairs?”

“No, I’ve got it, thanks.” Seán gave him a side-hug. “Don’t worry about me, it’s supposed to be the other way around.” 

Jackie snorted. “You’re not my fuckin’ dad.”

“Ehh, dad, guardian who’s known you three months, potaeto, potahto.” Seán ruffled Jackie’s hair. “Night, doofus.”

“Night, goober.”

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=< 

Scáth was in his fucking videos.

Seán stared in horror at his monitor. He’d noticed some sort of buzz on Tumblr earlier in the month, but today something had gotten everybody excited enough that the tag was trending. That made him work up the energy to log on; he’d been too tired for social media otherwise. He’d been greeted with an overload of gifs and art, all of some weird, glitchy demon version of himself. 

In retrospect, Robin’s text about ‘extra editing’ made sense now.

“What the fuck!?”

Seán looked around his room wildly. “Scáth!” he yelled. “What the everloving shit? What have you done?”

There was no answer. He slumped back in his seat. Maybe it was lack of sleep or something, but he started crying. The channel was his safe place, his people, and now this thing was trying to worm into it. He hated it. He hated it, and he hated how terrible he felt, and he hated this stupid curse. More tears rolled down his face, faster than he could rub them away.

There was a knock at the door. “Jack?” Henrik asked. “I heard you yelling from downstairs. Is all okay?”

When he didn’t answer, Henrik opened the door and came in. Taking in Seán’s state, he gently pulled him out of the chair and into a hug on the floor. “Is okay, my friend. It will be alright.” Seán hugged him tighter, unable to stop crying. 

They sat there for some time, Henrik rubbing his back and calmly reassuring him. Seán burrowed into his arms. Hen’s shirt smelled like lavender, and soon he could feel his tears soaking into it. He didn’t move though. The embrace was warm, safe and grounding, just what he needed. Henrik was good at that, physically comforting in exactly the right way, 

“What happened?” Henrik eventually asked.

“Scáth is getting into my videos somehow.”

“You saw something in your videos?”

Seán nodded. “I’m so sick of this.”

Henrik pulled back. “Do you want to speak of something else? Have other things been happening?”

“I don’t know. I just feel like I’m always being watched, y’know? Then I keep seeing things out of the corner of my eye but I don’t know if they’re visions or just my imagination. And I keep losing time? Like I zone out and suddenly it’s ten minutes later.” He shuddered. “I don’t know if that’s it, like, possessing me or something.”

Henrik nodded. “Are you ever aware of that? Having a feeling like something else is controlling your body?” he continued.

Seán snorted bitterly. “God, don’t give him ideas,” he said, closing his eyes. He could still feel the tears dripping out of them, slow and sluggish.

“And do you feel like your thoughts are all out of order?”

“I mean yeah, I guess, but I think I’m just tired…” The situation clicked, and Seán stiffened. “Henrik, are you trying to fucking diagnose me? What the hell?” he snapped.

Henrik pulled away fully, looking affronted. “Jack, this is a serious situation. What you have-”

“What I have isn’t something you would have studied! Did you not believe me this entire time?”

“I...what you are experiencing feels real to you, I do not mean to trivialize that. But this...it is dangerous to write off all scientific help, Jack. A professional could help you figure out what this is.”

Seán glared at him. “I know what it is. I told you.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Is this what you’ve been wanting to talk with me about the last few days? Is that all you came up here for?”

Henrik tried to reach out again, but Seán swatted his hand away. “No, of course not! I was worried about you!”

“Yeah, cause you think I’m fucking crazy!” Seán scooted away from him. “Fuck off!”

“Seán, I-”

“Leave me alone!”

Henrik paused, but then stood up. “Alright. Please, call one of the others if you need anything.” He walked out of the room, but stopped in the doorway. “I am sorry. For overstepping.”

Seán didn’t answer, so Henrik left and closed the door behind him. For some reason, he did a one-eighty in the hallway and tried to come back in, but by then Seán had already summoned a gust of air to turn the lock. Eventually, Henrik gave up and went downstairs. 

When he was sure Hen was gone, Seán pushed up and headed to the bathroom. He could feel something sticky and flaky clinging to his cheeks. 

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=<

He pointedly ignored the book about schizophrenia on the coffee table the next morning.

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=< 

“Hey, you in there?”

Seán groaned, pulling his pillow off his head. Marvin stood in the doorway, holding a steaming cup of...well, he hoped it was coffee, but the logical side of him knew it wasn’t.

“Dude, you can see me, what d’you mean, ‘you in there’?”

Marvin sat down across from where he was laying, putting the mug on the side table. “You never know, it could’ve been like yesterday.”

Seán pushed himself up, shakily, until he was sitting against the headboard. “Huh? What happened yesterday?”

“You went unresponsive for a while, remember?”

“No.”

Marvin bit his lip. “Oh. Well, you did. Just sat there staring for like, eight hours. None of us could get you to react to anything.”

Seán couldn’t think of a response to that beyond, “Fuck.” He gestured to the mug. “What is it this time?”

Marv leaned back. “Chamomile and Valerian, mostly. Tried to cast some charms on it, but we’ll have to see about those.”

Seán peered down into it, looking at the three lumps sitting in the draught. “And...marble?”

“Nah, just pebbles from the creek.”

“If those break apart and I get a mouthful of sand, I’m punching you.”

“Quit bitching and drink it already.” Marvin sat up. “Oh, I brought some Ibuprofen, too. It’s been six hours, right?” he asked, pulling two tablets from his shirt pocket. 

“Yeah, thanks.” Seán reached over to grab them. He pulled a mouthful of liquid from the cup and shook it around the room quickly to cool it, before drinking it out of the air to swallow the pills. 

“Well, at least your magic’s more under control?”

“Mhm,” Seán replied, taking a sip from the cup. “Still crazy nauseous though.”

“Well, Henrik could have something for that…” Marvin said, trailing off as Seán stiffened. He folded his arms. “You two are going to have to make up eventually.”

“Coming from you.”

Marvin scowled. “Hey, that’s different!” He fiddled with a strand of hair. “You two are close, I...look, just, he cares about you. Don’t fuck that up.”

Seán sighed. “Can we not do this right now? Please? My head’s hurting like a bitch”

“I guess.” Marvin stood up, brushing off his pants. “I’ve got to run to the store. Let me know if that one helps more than the others, yeah?”

“Will do.” Seán answered, burrowing back under his blankets.

Marvin flicked off the lights as he left, and Seán turned to block out noise with his pillow again. Before he could, however, there was a light knock on the door.

He pushed himself back up to a sitting position. “Did’ja need something else- oh. Hey, Jackie.”

The teen pushed in further at the acknowledgement. “Hey Jack.” He wavered by the side of the bed until Seán patted the spot next to him. Looking relieved, he sat down.

“What’s up?”

“I don’t know, just...how are you feeling?”

“Okay, I guess. Why?”

Jackie exhaled shakily. He fidgeted a bit in place. “I..”

Seán caught on and opened up his arms. Jackie immediately fell into them and started crying. “Last night was horrible,” he said between sobs. “I thought you were gone. I thought you were going to be a vegetable and we’d have to put you in the hospital. I thought at any moment you might just stop breathing. I never want to deal with that again.”

Seán tightened his hug. “Jackie, I’m so sorry,” he mumbled.

“You just stopped talking in the middle of a sentence and wouldn’t move. Nothing I did would get you to wake up. I tried shaking you and screaming at you and Hen tried pinching and prodding you and Marvin tried spells and nothing worked. Eventually we had to keep on doing normal stuff with you just sat there and that was even worse. It was...we couldn’t…” Jackie burrowed his face into Seán’s neck. “I was so scared,” he whispered. 

Seán stared at the opposite wall. “I had no idea.” 

“Huh?” 

“I didn’t know, I thought I just slept through yesterday afternoon.  I don’t even remember going downstairs. Marv mentioned something but-oh God.” He closed his eyes, feeling tears rolling down his cheeks. “I don’t remember.”

Jackie sobbed again. “No no no no-”

Seán didn’t reply. He just felt numb. Hallucinations, panic attacks, fainting, all of those he could deal with. They were awful, but they were over with quick enough and then he could get back to normal. But this, completely checking out, for hours at a time?

What happened to my soul during that? Where was I?

Seán was snapped back into the present when he heard Jackie hyperventilating.

“Woah, hey, Jay, look at me.” He pulled back and lifted up Jackie’s face. “You’re okay. I’m okay.”

Jackie shook off his hand. “Are you though?”

Seán’s breath hitched. Jackie rubbed at his face, shuffling back a bit. “What if this doesn’t stop after Halloween? What if you just keep getting worse and worse until…” He didn’t finish the sentence, but they both knew what he meant.

“I won’t.” Seán said firmly. “He’ll be gone after Samhain, I promise. That’s how it works.”

Jackie looked unsure, but didn’t argue. 

“And I mean, failing that, we could just end it all.” Seán shrugged.

Jackie reeled back. “What?!”

“Kill myself. End it. Just stop. No more of this and I get control of the situation.” Seán leaned back with a smile. “Wouldn’t that be nice? No responsibility, no pain, no anything. Just nothingness and an empty body left over.” 

“What are you talking about?”

He looked over. “Wouldn’t that be nice?” he repeated. “I bet you’d really enjoy it.”

Jackie got up off the bed. “I’m getting Henrik. Something’s wrong.”

Humming contemplatively, he got up as well. Jackie backed away from him, bristling. He turned and rummaged around in his bedside table. “It’s a shame you’re wearing a green hoodie today. We could have had a nice Deadpool scenario going on. That’s what you want, right? To be a superhero.” He pulled out the large butcher’s knife. “When you mix green and red, you just get a gross lookin’ brown.” 

Jackie bolted for the door. He’d almost reached it when a gust of air slammed it shut. He tried the doorknob, but quickly pulled away. “Ow! What the fuck?” He cradled his burnt hand as the knob glowed, then began to slowly melt. Jackie turned back to Him in horror. He smiled. The teen was so scared and desperate, it was hilarious. Even funnier, though, was the sadness in his eyes. That’s what came with loss and grief, right? How silly, he wasn’t gone! He grabbed the teen’s shoulder, throwing him to the floor. He knelt over him, a knee on his chest to keep him down. “Hello!”

Jackie was crying now, breaths coming uneven and whiny. “Why, what, who are you?” he gasped.

He hummed. “Let’s see, how to do this.” He looked over at the knife in his hands. “I don’t think this can get through a skull. Chest it is!” He grinned. “You’ll like it! Empty and painless and out of my way.”

He stabbed. Jackie screamed.

He stabbed, Jackie screamed.

He stabbed, Jackie screamed.

He stabbed, Jackie whimpered.

He stabbed. Jackie didn’t respond.

He looked up. The door was open. Someone else screamed.

Standing in the entrance were two other men, the magician and the doctor. More fun!

He stood up, allowing Henrik to run to Jackie. Marvin raised his hands, and vines sprouted around His arms, binding them together. 

Henrik frantically buzzed around Jackie, attempting to stem the bleeding, calling 999, turning him on his side into recovery position. “You’re too late,” He spoke up helpfully. “He’s all cleaned out. Nice and empty and gone!”

Henrik kept trying to find a pulse, started CPR as Marvin stood by, horrified. It took a very long time, (frankly He was rather bored by the end of it) but eventually the doctor stopped. “Herr Gott nochmal...” Henrik looked up at the magician, eyes full of tears. “I couldn’t...he’s…” A sob cut him off as he buried his face in his hands. Marvin fell to his knees, expressionless.

“Are you done?” He burned through his plant-handcuff, rubbing at His wrists. 

Both men turned to look at Him, furious. “What the fuck have you done?” Marvin yelled at him. The magician strode forward, eyes glowing. “You’re goddamn insane! We should have kicked you out after your first hallucination, you psycho!”

“You can’t kick me out, the apartment lease is under my name.”

“How could you-”

He slit Marvin’s throat.

The magician hit the floor with a gurgle. Henrik screamed, moving towards the door, but He glitched over on top of him. “Hi!” he said with a smile. “Believe me now?”

Blood squirted all over his pajama pants.

“Jack.”

He smiled, surveying the three corpses. No one but Him now.

“Jack!”

He sobbed. How could he have done something like this?

“Seán!”

He jolted. 

Seán was sitting back on the bed, still swaddled in blankets. Jackie was shaking him, a hand on either shoulder. “Please, please answer me!” he begged. 

“...Jackie?”

Jackie’s arms dropped. “Holy shit. I...fuck. You- you just started screaming, I had no clue what was going on, I thought you’d checked out again-” He breathed harshly. “You’re here, though.”

Seán stared at him. “You’re alive?” he murmured, reaching up a hand to cup Jackie’s face. 

Jackie looked confused. “Yeah? I’m fine, it’s you we should be worried about.”

“You’re alive,” he repeated, pressing his other hand to the teen’s unmarred chest. “Thank fuck, I thought he...I thought I..” Another sob cut him off, and he curled in on himself. 

Jackie hesitantly wrapped his arms around Seán. “What happened? Are you okay?”

Seán didn’t answer. He just kept crying, letting Jackie hug him. 

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=< 

The next morning, Seán had had enough.

He’d whipped up his recordings as quick as possible, not bothering to check for the glitches he knew were there. After eating as much yogurt and ginger ale as he could stomach (about half a cup of each), he stumbled back up to his bedroom. 

Henrik had a 10 hour shift today, so he didn’t have to worry about being disturbed for a while yet. Seán half-heartedly kicked the clothes on the floor toward the hamper, then pushed Schneep’s scattered papers and notes into a pile next to the desk. Having cleared enough space, he set one of his pillows down on the floor between their beds and laid down. He’d had problems in the past, falling out of bed when he did this. 

He fidgeted for a while trying to get comfortable (and calm his nerves). Hopefully, the two of them could strike up some deal, something that would make Scáth happy and make next October more bearable. He didn’t think he’d be able to come out of another month like this unscathed.

Breathing deeply, Seán closed his eyes and tried to blank out, focusing only on his thoughts. When he opened them again, he was in a black nothingness.

“Scáth, I know you’re there.”

He took a few steps forward. “Don’t ignore me, asshole. We need to talk.”

“Oh, do we now? So when you ask for something, I’m to respond right away?

Seán whipped around, furious. “What the hell is wrong wi-” He stopped abruptly.

Scáth looked like….him.

They’d met like this before, a few times. If either was particularly pissed off, this served as a place for parlay, or whatever. But all of those times, Scáth had been, well, a shadow; a dark green, gaseous silhouette. Now, it looked almost human. Ripped jeans, combat boots, gauges, and a shock of green hair. And his face. It was as if Seán had an edgier, demonic twin. 

Scáth grinned at him with a mouthful of nearly normal teeth. “You like the new style?”

Seán took a step back. “Why do you look like that?” he asked, voice wavering.

“Oh, you know. Reasons.” He took a step forward. “Gosh, Jack, you look terrible. Something keeping you up at night?”

“Fuck off.” Seán spat, fists tightening. “What do you want?”

“Wasn’t it you that called for me? I didn’t come to this wanting anything!” His tone was mocking, patronizing.

“You know what I mean. What happened with you? Suddenly you’re, fucking like, attacking me and making me hallucinate, disassociate, whatever, making me sick, looking like me? And talking in full sentences, what happened to the ominous one word thing?” Seán gripped at his hair. “Did I do something to piss you off? Is that what this is, some revenge thing mixed with your fucked up interests? What do you want, Scáth, I’m at the end of my rope here.”

Scáth laughed. “What, you think I haven’t wanted to do this our whole life? I’ve been dreaming of this since day one, McLoughlin! You, half insane, begging and pleading, surrounded by people who want you institutionalized,”

“Don’t-they don’t want-”

“Oh, is that right? Look me in the eyes and tell me your parents wouldn’t be locking you in another priest’s basement if we were still living with them. Tell me that doctor isn’t going to drop you in a psych ward the moment he has the chance.”

Seán couldn’t bring himself to meet his gaze. Instead, he looked down, scrubbing at tears. “Why now, then? I don’t understand, what changed? What did I do?”

Scáth knelt down to his level, still grinning. “Not a goddamn thing. I just finally got the strength I needed.” His smile turned into a snarl. “Do you have any idea what this is like? My line was powerful enough to force a Taoiseach onto his own sword. And suddenly, because someone’s family stopped having kids for two centuries,” he spat, “I’m stuck with a pathetic, whimpering, traitorous, English speaking c̛̹h̛̪͙i̙l̬̘̫ͅd̪̱̜̤̤, and not even enough power to manifest in the real world.” Scáth grabbed the front of Seán’s shirt, hoisting both of them up. “I was going to bring this land to its knees, bring us back to where we should stand, and instead I got landed with Y̶̛̻̤͕͟O͇͕̜͈̖U̹̕.” He dropped Seán a few inches, wrapping his claws around his neck. 

“Shit- Let go of me!”

Scáth snarled. “Here’s a secret I figured out, Jackaboy.” He leaned in, black eyes suddenly glowing a brilliant green. “That community of yours has more power than you could ever imagine. And their ideas! Holy shit, you should see what some of them come up with. They’ve got creation bursting at the seams. Give ‘em a few crumbs, they’ll make the loaf of bread themselves.” He grinned, teeth spiky and horrible. “Say hello to your newest figment.” 

Seán was thrown to the floor. He pushed himself up, rubbing at his throat. “Scáth...please, please tell me you didn’t,” he gasped. 

Scáth grinned wide. “I prefer Anti, thanks.”

“Oh, God.”

The demon snorted. “He didn’t help your ancestors, buddy, and he sure as hell ain’t helping you.”

“No, there’s no way, you couldn’t have…”

“You should hear them, Seán. ‘Ooh, wouldn’t this be cool, what if he did something for Halloween, what do you think that character would be like.’” He nudged Seán with his foot. “I’m just giving the people what they want!”

“You’re manipulating them to gain power.” Seán growled.

“Eh, same difference.”

“Scáth...just stop, we can figure-”

The demon glitched, and suddenly he was holding Seán up by the shirt again. “I told you to call me A̛̹n̷̫͚̱̗͕t̥͓͡i̝̻!” he yelled.

Seán wriggled in his grasp. “Like hell I will.”

“Oh, that’s how it is? You’ll use the kid’s new name, but not mine? Favouritism isn’t a good look, Jack.”

“Leave him out of this. Leave them all out of this, I’m the one you’re bound to!” Seán wrenched sideways, forcing Anti to drop him. He pushed himself back up to stand opposite. 

Anti shrugged. “And?”

Seán gulped. “I- you can’t, please. Please. You can do whatever you want to me, fine, just don’t hurt them.”

Anti stared at him blankly for a few moments. Seán met his gaze, tearful, still gasping for air. 

Then the demon laughed. It started low, but raised in pitch and fervor, bouncing around the space without rhyme or reason. Seán glanced around as it echoed around his head. 

Anti glitched into his face again. “Well, you offered. How can I refuse such a generous invitation?”

“Huh?” Seán staggered backwards, replaying the conversation in his head. He froze as the weight of his words sunk in. “Oh, God, no. No no nonono…”

Anti wiped at his eyes. “Like a fuckin’ fiddle, holy shit,” he chuckled. “And they say loyalty can’t be a fatal flaw.” The demon waved with a flourish. “Have fun over the next few days, Jack, there’s only so much more time till Samhain.”

Seán surged upwards, knocking his head into Marvin’s. 

“Ah, shit!” Marvin fell backwards onto his hands. 

Henrik turned around from the desk, looking relieved. “Seán! Thank goodness, I couldn’t wake you, but it looked intentional this time, so I called Marvin up.”

Seán ignored him, turning to Marvin, panicked. The magician looked back, rubbing his forehead. “Seán? What’s wrong?”

He swallowed. “I fucked up. I fucked up real bad.”

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=< 

“No wait, turn it that way a bit...yes, there!” Jackie exclaimed triumphantly as he and Marvin maneuvered the table into the recording room.

Seán entered behind them, carrying a pumpkin and bag of tools. “I’m sorry, if I’d known it wouldn’t’ve fit through the door, I would have asked you to grab the other table.”

“It’s fine,” Marvin reassured him, leaning back to stretch. “I think the other one is even bigger, anyhow.”

Seán set his things down, unpacking and laying out the knives. “Well, thanks then. I can take it from here, guys.”

He noticed Jackie and Marv glance at each other. “You sure about this? If you space out or slip while carving, you could really hurt yourself,” Jackie said

Seán sighed internally. “I’m good!” he replied, turning around to face the other two. “I have to film something for Halloween anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.” Jackie and Marvin’s grimaces only deepened at that.

He leaned against the table behind him. “I think that last spell you tried really worked this time. I haven’t felt this good since September!”

Marvin’s eyes widened. “Wait, are you serious?”

He smiled wide. “Yeah, I wouldn’t lie about that stuff. You know what I told you, he said this week was going to be hell, but I haven’t seen a thing! Just heard one or two, that’s nothing compared to before.” 

Marvin seemed shocked at that idea. “Wow. I uh. Didn’t think we’d actually figure this out.” He was trying to hide it, but Seán could see the subtle joy in his eyes. 

“Hug?” Seán asked, arms opening. Marvin nodded loosely wrapping around him, smiling all the while. After a moment, Seán gestured for Jackie to join them. The teen complied happily.

The three of them stood there, huddled together in the recording room. After a bit, Seán pulled back. “I really do have to get this done, though. It’ll be an hour, tops, then I’ll come back down.” He hesitated a moment, then continued, “Henrik’s going to be back soon, right? Maybe we can all go out to dinner together.”

Jackie’s grin widened even more. “Yes! Yes, please, we haven’t done something as a family since your fight.” 

“Yeah, I...I wanna fix that. I’ve been treating him like garbage.”

Marvin patted his shoulder. “Good on you. Have fun recording, let us know if anything goes wrong?”

He waved his phone. “Will do. See you guys in a bit.”

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=<

“Okay, so the last thing you wanna do is get your knife, and you’re going to have to do fine-”

What’s happening?

Why can’t I move!?

Shush.

Oh God.

I said shut up.

Nononono, please, don’t-

They’re simple instructions Seán. Be quiet!

Stop the knife, stop the knife, stop the-

Oh for fuck’s sake. I’m going to be so glad when you’re gone.

You can’t do this, this is my body!

Not for long.

No, stop, please, stop!

Shink.

It hurts, please, I don’t want to die, it hurts, stop!

Oop, looks like it’s time to go! Say bye-bye, Seány-boy!

HELP ME!

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=<

Marvin looked at the clock nervously. “It’s been over an hour.”

“As it was twenty minutes ago.” Henrik replied tersely, leg bouncing.

Jackie sat up abruptly. “I’m going to go check on him.”

Marv ran his hands through his hair. “You probably shouldn’t. Everyone still thinks he lives alone, he’ll have to scrap all that footage. What if he’s in the middle of something important?”

“I don’t care, I feel like something’s up. What if he spaced out again?”

Henrik bit his lip. “You said he was more or less cured.”

“We said he said he was more or less cured,” Marvin murmured. 

“I’m going.” Jackie said adamantly. Before Marvin could protest further, he turned and bolted up the stairs. 

He came to a stop at the end of the hallway. “Jack?” he asked, knocking. “It’s been a while, you done yet?” When there was no answer, Jackie frowned. “Seán? Everything okay?” 

He tried the doorknob, but it wouldn’t turn. He banged on the door. “Seán! What’s going on?” The teen wiggled it more, worried now. “Hey! Talk to me!” 

Jackie cursed under his breath when there was still no reply. “Fuck, okay. Sorry in advance, man.” He breathed deeply and steadily, trying to focus. Then he began throwing himself at the door, attempting to ram it open. 

Even with all this commotion, no sound came from the recording room. Jackie picked up the pace, the doorframe beginning to creak. “Come on, come on.” Then the lock gave way, the frame splintering as Jackie forced his way in. “Yes!”

He staggered in, balance thrown off. “Seán?” 

At first glance, the room appeared empty. It was dim, the curtains closed to make the set consistent. The equipment was still set up, though the lights were all off. He could smell something burnt, as if the bulbs had all blown out. There was another smell, too; something metallic. A fully carved pumpkin sat on the table, knife shoved in the top haphazardly. Both chairs were empty. No one was here.

Jackie pushed inward. There was no way Seán could have left, they would have seen him. Was he in the bathroom?

Then he heard it, barely- a hoarse wheeze, like someone was out of breath. His foot stepped in something wet, then nudged something soft. Jackie froze. He almost didn’t have the resolution to look down. But he did.

Then he screamed. 

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=<

Henrik looked up quizzically at the first set of bangs. “What is he doing?”, he murmured, sitting up straight.

There was another round of bangs, followed by repeated thumps. Marvin sat up as well, glancing toward the stairs. “What, is he trying to break down the door?”

Henrik paused, listening closely. Then he pushed himself to stand quickly. “Oh for the love of- I think he is.” He rubbed at his face. “He’s going to lose us the deposit. For fuck’s sake.” He hurried out of the room, Marvin following. As they reached the bottom of the staircase, there was the sound of something cracking and the thumps stopped. Marvin slumped his head against the wall and groaned. “Really, Jackie?”

Henrik frowned, sympathizing. “I will help you all pay for damages. I should have better calmed him.”

Marvin gave a subdued thumbs up. As they turned to head back to the living room, they heard a scream. “Henrik! Help!”

Henrik bolted upstairs. Jackie was slumped against the wall opposite the recording room, staring inside. He looked absolutely horrified. His left sock was soaked with blood at the toes.

Henrik cut past him to rush into the room. He flicked on the lights and surveyed the scene. Nothing seemed out of place, but...

He checked the floor. 

Seán laid limp, unmoving. His right hand loosely cradled a knife and a pool of blood stained the carpet around his head. 

“Scheisse!”

Henrik dropped down to his knees, feeling for a pulse. His fingers came away wet. As he turned Seán’s head he saw the deep, jagged cut across his throat. Henrik’s heart dropped into his stomach.

He fumbled for his phone, dialing 999 while still searching for a heartbeat. He found one just as the operator picked up. 

“Hello, yes, I need an ambulance right away!”

“Sir, what is your emergency?”

Marvin’s voice was in the background, likely comforting Jackie, but it was distant, muffled. Unnecessary noise in the current crisis.

Henrik wriggled out of his shirt while yelling into the phone. “My cousin has a slit throat! He is currently unconscious, has a weak heartbeat,” he paused, holding a hand above Seán’s mouth. “little airflow, hypoxia is likely. In fact, the cut is deep, a tracheal transection is possible. The injury occurred sometime in the last two hours, but I don’t know when exactly.” He placed his shirt around the neck injury. “He’s lost at least a litre and a half of blood, perhaps more.”

“Sir, can you give me an address please?”

“Ah, I am not sure exactly. Marvin?” He turned back around. Marvin had his arms around Jackie, murmuring, but he looked up when Henrik called his name. “Huh?”

“What is the apartment’s address?”

He relayed what Marvin told him to the operator. Meanwhile, he kept tabs on Seán’s pulse and breathing.

“Alright, an ambulance and Guard vehicle are on their way. Is there anything else I should know?” the operator asked.

Henrik glanced around. “Uh, the cut was made with a kitchen knife, definitely not sanitized. And-” He paused, breathing deeply. “There is no sign of a break in, and neither I nor our roommates heard anything. The wound is most likely self inflicted.” Marvin and Jackie’s heads snapped up at that, but Henrik ignored them. “He should be placed under suicide watch until we know more.”

“Had he been displaying destructive or out of character behaviours before this?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, I’ll alert the hospital’s mental health crisis team. Keep the wound covered-”

“Yes, I have a shirt on it already. I am a surgeon, I do not need advice. Thank you for your help, go give it to someone else now.”

“But-”

“Have a good evening.” 

“Sir!”

Henrik hung up, slumping. “Marvin. Go get Jackie a blanket and some water. He’s having a panic attack.”

Marvin stared at him, dumbfounded. “Henrik, you don’t actually think he-”

“A blanket, Marvin.” Henrik repeated numbly. He fumbled with his phone one handed, opening the clock and placing it on Seán’s stomach. He kept one hand on Seán’s wrist and one over the wound, watching the time. 

Marvin entered the room. He glanced back toward Jackie, who was now huddled in a blanket. The teen seemed to be shaking less, that was something. Marvin cleared his throat. 

“Could you two go wait for the ambulance, please?” Henrik said.

Marvin wrung his hands. “Hen, he wouldn’t have-”

“Marvin.” Henrik looked up, keeping his hands in place. “Right now I need to focus on keeping him alive. Please, go wait for the ambulance.”

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=<

Two days later, Seán hadn’t woken up. 

“Not too worrisome,” Dr. Heaney had assured them. “Given the trauma, a state like this isn’t unusual. Just give him time.”

Henrik had added later, over dinner. “His pupils still respond, and he verbalizes sometimes. That is good.”

Still, he could see how worried Jackie and Marvin were. They’d all taken time off of work or school. Every possible minute was spent in the ICU, waiting for something to change.

Henrik could see the pitying looks his coworkers kept giving him. He’d brushed them off initially, when they asked about his lack of scrubs, but it was a rural hospital. Word got around. By the next day, nearly every doctor or nurse had given him an awkward shoulder pat or asked to pray for him. He could see Marvin bristle every time one of them walked by; every 10 minutes, it seemed, someone was sticking their head in the room and asking, “You three okay in here? D’ya need anything?” Frankly, Henrik was amazed Marvin hadn’t snapped at them yet.

Jackie was pacing again. He alternated between that and sitting in a chair wringing his hands. He’d be inconsolable the moment they got back to the apartment, if the last two nights were anything to go off. Henrik had tried to comfort him verbally, but he couldn’t get a word in edgewise. So he’d resorted to just holding the teen as he cried, screamed, panicked, the works. Then it was off to bed for more of the same tomorrow.

Marvin was eternally tense and pissed off. Yelling at the two of them, baristas, pizza guys, anyone not in the hospital. Henrik had given up on trying to get him to talk about his feelings. He clearly wasn’t going to express them willingly. Nothing to do but wait for the emotions to build up until they exploded out in a breakdown. Henrik just hoped the magic wouldn’t be a factor. Their landlord was mad enough about the broken door. A miniature jungle would not help their case.

Henrik himself just felt numb. He couldn’t cry, couldn’t get angry, hadn’t even felt shocked after the ambulance left. His emotions had crashed that night, and had yet to resurface. The small moments he did feel something, it was guilt over not feeling anything. He was a robot, pushing forward as his human roommates broke down around him. 

This was their new cycle: wake up, eat, come to the hospital, refuse to talk to each other or anyone else, grab lunch downstairs, come back, go home, fall apart, repeat. 

Henrik didn’t know how much more any of them could take.

The heart monitor started beeping rapidly. Marvin startled from his nap, blowing hair out of his face. Jackie froze, turning toward it. Henrik slowly got to his feet, crossing the room. Seán’s heart rate had picked up abruptly, jumping up as if he’d run a marathon. Henrik squinted at it. That didn’t make any sense, even if he was waking up it’d be slower…

Jackie gasped. Henrik glanced at him, but the teen was already rushing forward. “Seán?”

Sure enough, Seán’s eyes were slowly opening. He blinked, eyebrows furrowing. Henrik backed up, reaching towards the call button. Just as he touched it, a painful shock seared up his arm.

“Ow!”

“Hey!”

The doctor turned toward Jackie while he flexed his hand. Seán was grabbing Jackie’s arm firmly. It almost looked like he was digging his fingernails into the skin. Seán’s head remained slumped, looking down. “Let go, man!” Jackie protested, trying to pull away. Seán didn’t reply. His chest heaved

Henrik strode forward, reaching out to touch Seán’s shoulder. He flinched away, not looking at him. Henrik raised his arms placatingly. “Seán, try to relax around the breathing tube, you’ll hurt yourself!” Marvin was up now too, all three of them surrounding the bed. 

Jackie finally wrenched himself away. Checking quickly, Henrik could see small dots of blood in his hoodie. A small part of his brain was screaming to get a nurse, but he’d been waiting for this for days. He wasn’t leaving. 

Seán stared down at his hands, looking terrified. Marvin bent down, asking what happened, was it the curse, why would he hurt himself, but Seán ignored him. “I..Oh my god...” he murmured. Then he started laughing, high pitched and insane, and that…

That wasn’t right. 

He shouldn't be able to talk with the tube in. How could they hear him perfectly?

The door suddenly slammed shut.

The three of them whipped around at the sudden noise. 

“What the hell?” Jackie yelped. He ran to the door, trying to pull it open. Marvin’s hands began to glow. “Jay, get back!” he yelled, as a bolt of fire flew into the door. There was a flash, but when it cleared, the door was untouched. 

Marvin took a step back. “What? That’s not possible!” 

Jackie ran forward and began banging on the door. “Hey, we need help in here! The door’s stuck and my cousin is freaking out! Help!”

Henrik blinked. All the sound around him was muffled. The lights were too bright, why were they so bright? All he could hear was the buzzing. Buzzing coming from all around. Multicoloured lights flashed behind him. People moved and screamed in front of him. He couldn’t figure out what was going on. Any reasoning he tried was too much to stomach. Was this…

“Seán.”

Henrik whirled around and ran toward the bed. “Wait!” Marvin yelled behind him, but he ignored it. The doctor grabbed onto the side of the bed, skidding a bit. 

Seán was sitting ramrod straight, staring forward. He was still laughing. Why was he laughing? How was he laughing? What on Earth was going on?

“Seán!” Henrik repeated. He reached out to grab Seán’s arm. “You need to lie back down, your body’s been through a lot.” Seán didn’t look at him. He kept staring forward. Henrik shook his arm. “Can you hear me?”

Seán’s head whipped toward him, almost inhumanly fast. He looked at Henrik, smiling around the breathing tube. “I’m not supposed to be here,” he said plainly.

“What?”

“Why am I still here? I don’t want this, I’m supposed to be done with this. I’m supposed to be dead!” He was crying now, tears streaming down his face around his constant smile. 

The other three bristled. Jackie stepped forward slowly. “Seán, you can’t actually mean that-”

“I’M NOT HIM.”

All the lightbulbs in the room blew out. The heart monitor overloaded and sparked. Static screamed at a deafening level. Jackie, Marvin, and Henrik all covered their ears, wincing. When they straightened, they noticed a new silhouette, standing over Seán’s bed.

The figure looked like a man, average height and wearing all black. Meanwhile, Seán had collapsed back onto the bed, lying still. Marvin waved a hand, summoning a handful of glowing flowers. As he moved forward, the light fell across the stranger’s face.

“What?” Henrik murmured, hand flying to his face. Jackie stood frozen in horror. Marvin, however, was glaring daggers at this person. He conjured a burst of flame, preparing to strike. 

The figure stared down at his body in wonder, flexing his shoulders and wiggling his fingers. “Cad a tharla?” he whispered. He jolted as the air around his hands sparked. He then turned to look across the bed to Henrik, then down at Seán. 

He stretched out a hand, frowning. Abruptly, Seán’s body began to seize and Henrik could hear muffled screaming. “Stop!” he yelled, grabbing the person’s hand just as Marvin fired.

The figment’s body glitched, and suddenly Henrik had a fist to his temple. He reeled to the side as Marvin’s flame flew past and scorched the wall. Henrik stared. “What- how did you?”

“Amach leat.” Marvin growled, raising a hand again. 

The person cocked a head to the side. “Cad atá tú ag dul a dhéanamh, a bhuachaill deas? Ní féidir leat mise a bhualadh.”

“Amach leat.” Marvin repeated.

The figure shrugged. “Cibé. Is maith an rud é tú a fheiceáil ag úsáid tine arís.”

Marvin’s scowl deepened. He threw another fireball, but the person smiled, glitched, and disappeared. Henrik yelped, ducking down to avoid being hit. 

“Fucker.” Marvin muttered.

Jackie unfroze. “What the hell was that?!” he shrieked, waving his arms around.

Henrik uncovered his head. He stood up slowly, looking at Marvin. “That...was that?”

The magician opened his mouth, looking angry, but both of them were interrupted by a strangled noise coming from the bed. 

Seán’s eyes were open. They bolted around frantically, and his chest heaved. Henrik grabbed his hand. “Relax, let it breathe for you. You’re safe, you’re in the hospital.” Seán vocalized, panicked. Henrik squeezed his hand. “It’s okay, you’re okay..” His eyes drifted over to the equipment. The heart monitor was broken, beeping intermittently. Thankfully, the ventilator was still operating. Henrik looked up at Jackie, who was standing at Seán’s other side. “Can you go get a nurse?” he asked. 

Jackie’s head shot up. “What? But the door-”

“It’s probably fine now.” Marvin said tersely. He was standing with his arms crossed, glaring at Henrik. Henrik looked away quickly, focusing on Seán. “Please, try to calm down. You’ll be okay, no one here will let anything happen to you. Here, squeeze my hand,” he soothed. He jerked his head toward the door. “Jackie, go.”

The teen hesitated, then took off down the hall. Marvin and Henrik could hear him yelling for help, quieting as he ran further. Marvin stepped up to take Jackie’s spot next to the bed. He avoided looking at Henrik, instead grabbing Seán’s other hand. He didn’t say anything, just held it.

Jackie and a nurse came bolting back into the room. The woman looked around the room, at the three of them, the glitching monitors, the scorch marks. She grabbed her pager, typed something into it, then approached them. “What happened? Why are the walls...are they burnt!?”

“I don’t know, the electronics went on the fritz and it seems like something in the walls burnt.” Henrik blurted out. 

“What on earth would have caused that?” She said, shaking her head. Then her eyes widened. “Henrik, your cheek!”

Henrik raised his hands, dropping Seán’s grip. “Ah, it is nothing! I ran into the door at home. It’s been stressful, you know, I wasn’t looking.”

Her eyes narrowed, then darted down to Seán’s panicking form. “Alright, out, all of you.”

“But we-” Jackie spoke up.

“Out, now. This isn’t safe and we need to work. Heaven knows it’ll be enough work  stabilizing and moving him already.” She pointed toward the door sternly.

“Don’t fight right now.” Henrik whispered. Marvin’s mouth snapped close. The nurse herded the others out of the room. The last thing he heard was “I need Doctor Heaney, the crisis team, and a maintenance worker in Room 072. Yes, all at once! Hey, it’s alright, honey, you’re safe-” And then the door clicked shut. 

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=<

When they got home that night, Jackie found the video. They had watched it, morbid curiosity overtaking them. At the climax, Henrik dropped the phone in shock and Jackie had to run to the bathroom to vomit. Marvin walked over to the couch and started throwing pillows and blankets, furious but silent. 

Henrik found himself hyperventilating. He tried to speak, but couldn’t get the words out. “How did, he didn’t, upload, people will, have to take it down!” he stuttered.

“We can’t.”

Jackie stood in the doorway, still looking sick. “I tried to delete it on Seán’s computer. The button isn’t even there.”

Henrik stared at him. “What, you, how, you know, when did-” He tried to take a few deep breaths. “You know his password?”

“Jesus fuck, Henrik, priorities.” Marvin spat from behind him. The magician pushed past Henrik into the hall. He pulled on his sneakers.

Henrik and Jackie followed him. “Where are you going? The hospital said we can’t go back until Wednesday.” Jackie said.

“Pharmacy.”

“Why?”

Marvin didn’t look at them as he zipped up his coat. “We can’t just let that be without any follow up. I’m going to go get some clippers and dye.”

Henrik’s jaw dropped. “You said you’ve been growing your hair out for years!”

“Priorities, Henrik.” Marvin slammed the door behind him.

When he got back, he went straight to the bathroom, ignoring either of them. Henrik confiscated Jackie’s phone after the teen had another panic attack looking at Tumblr. An hour later, he heard the door upstairs slam. An hour again, and the door opened, someone crossed the hall, and it slammed again. Henrik opened YouTube on his phone. Sure enough, there was another video up on the channel. The thumbnail featured “Jack” smiling happily. Unharmed. As Henrik put down the phone, he heard a guttural scream come from Marvin’s room. All the plants on the windowsill withered and crumbled to dust. Henrik merely leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.

He couldn't go back into the shared bedroom, not now. So he might as well try to get some sleep here.

Henrik spent the next twelve hours staring at the ceiling and trying desperately not to think. 

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=<

They stood awkwardly outside the room. No one wanted to go in, not after what happened last time. 

“The receptionist said this one, right?”

“Yes.”

No one moved.

“Heaney said he’s been back to a normal sleep schedule. He’s probably awake.”

“That is good.”

Marvin ruffled his newly shorn hair. Jackie shifted his weight, fidgeting in place.

“So uh…”

“Hm?”

Henrik scratched the back of his neck. 

Jackie dropped his hands. “Fuck it,” he said, grabbing the doorknob.

The door swung open. They stared in, not moving.

Seán stared back at them. The new room was brighter, with more windows, and it made him look much less pale. He was lying propped up by the hospital bed. The breathing tube had been replaced with an oxygen mask. He had several drips running into his arm. Two sets of handcuffs secured his hands to the rails of the bed. 

He smiled slightly and waved as much as the cuffs would let him. 

Jackie was the first to break away. He entered cautiously. “Seán?” he asked quietly, reaching the bed. Seán nodded. He sat up, reaching out a hand. Jackie grabbed it in a flash. He stared for a few seconds more, biting his lip. Then he lunged, pulling Seán into a tight hug. Seán let out a breathy laugh, reciprocating as best he could. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Jackie sobbed. “So fucking glad.”

Henrik and Marvin walked in as well. Marvin’s face darkened as he looked at the cuffs. Henrik went over to the side and pulled two chairs over from the wall. “We don’t have enough for everyone, sorry.”

Jackie hopped onto the foot of the bed. Henrik passed on a chair to Marvin, then set his own on Seán’s opposite side. Seán’s eyes widened as he got a good look at Marvin. He opened his mouth, but Henrik was quick to interrupt. “Don’t even think about speaking. That will only give you more time in here.”

Seán closed his mouth and resorted to just pointing, at Marvin’s hair and then his own.

“Yeah,” Marvin said. “Don’t worry about it. We needed an emergency video for the channel. Besides, this way I can fill in until you get out of here.” He looked down at the cuffs. “Are you okay with those on?”

Seán paled. He made a so-so motion with his hand, but his eyes were panicked. Marvin quickly grabbed the hand and squeezed firmly.

Henrik cleared his throat. “I brought your laptop.” Seán perked up. Henrik dug into his bag and pulled it out. “I cleared it with your doctor, it’s fine as long as you don’t have the charging cables.”

“Oh!” said Jackie. “You guys gotta see this video the Grumps did recently, it’s so good.” 

Seán unlocked the laptop, then passed it over to Jackie. Soon, they were huddled up together, falling down a YouTube rabbit hole. 

They were interrupted by a knock. A nurse stood in the doorway. “Sorry to bother you,” he said sheepishly. “Just making the rounds.” He stepped in. “How’re you doing, Mr. McLoughlin? Any pain from the IVs?”

Seán shook his head. “What about your throat?” He shook his head again. The nurse checked some of the drip bags. “Alright, your next dose is in a few hours, but call someone if the pain gets bad again, alright?” Seán nodded.

The nurse turned to the others. “You guys haven’t had any problems, have you?” he asked quietly.

“What d’ya mean?” replied Jackie.

“Well, he hasn’t, ah,” the nurse gestured to Henrik’s cheek. “You know?”

Seán’s eyes widened. He looked at Henrik’s bruised face, then to the nurse, then back to Henrik. Then he raised a shaky hand to point at himself. 

“It’s alright!” Henrik said quickly. “You weren’t yourself! I am fine!”

“Why is he in handcuffs?” Marvin interrupted, arms crossed.

The nurse looked dumbfounded. “Are you serious- I literally just-” He sighed and rubbed at his eyes. “With the sudden move and all this equipment, we couldn’t ensure his safety without them. Or ours,” he added under his breath.

Marvin’s scowl deepened. He moved to stand up, but Seán grabbed his hand. He shook his head, eyes wide. Marvin slowly sat back down, still tense.

The nurse looked uneasy. “Okay...well, if that’s all, I’ll leave you all be for now.” With that, he left down the hall.

Marvin watched him go testily. Then he rounded back on Seán. “You’re okay with this!?”

“I’m not safe to be around.” Seán whispered hoarsely. He didn’t meet any of their eyes. 

Marvin deflated at that. Jackie and Henrik shot each other a look. The latter got up and moved to the door. He glanced out into the hall before closing the door and walking back. “Seán, you literally weren’t yourself. Some...some thing came out of you and attacked me.”

Jackie nodded. "It was, like, a shadowy, angsty, demon you."

Seán blanched. Henrik took a deep breath. "Is that what your demon looks like?" Seán nodded. Henrik buried his face in his hands. "God, I'm so sorry."

Seán patted his arm. He then turned to Marvin and made a 'continue' motion.

Marvin sighed. "Honestly, there's not much more to it. It showed up, blew out the electronics, glitched around a bit, taunted me, and left."

Seán made a motion toward himself. "No, not back into you, just disappeared. Poof." Marvin answered.

Seán looked sick. He opened his mouth again.

"I don't want to hear anything out of your mouth, especially if it is an apology for something out of your control." Henrik said without looking up. 

Seán slumped back, taking a deep breath. Then he made a gathering motion with his hands. Jackie stared at him for a second before going "Oh!" and shuffling over to curl into Seán's side. He then looked expectantly at Marvin and Henrik.

They spoke up at the same time. “No, you guys do your thing, I don’t want to ruin that-” and “I doubt we all would fit, Marvin can take the other side, I’ll just stay here-”

Seán leveled a look at them. Jackie snickered into his hand. 

Henrik and Marvin both squirmed, neither moving for a moment. Then the magician huffed. “Alright, fine, move over.” he said, shoving the bed railing down. Seán gasped as he was pulled sideways with it. 

“Ah, shit!” Marvin caught him. “Fuck, right, sorry.” He raised it back up and let Seán get his balance. Henrik laughed as he lowered the other rail slowly. 

It was clumsy, but eventually they all managed to cuddle together on the bed. If Jackie felt some tears falling onto his head, he didn't mention it.

The four brothers stayed like that, watching Game Grumps until a doctor ushered them out at the end of visiting hours.

[tiaragqueen]

Benefit Of The Doubt: Chapter 1

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[Edited]

“You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. For you, my babe, I'll give my everything. You will always be always be my queen, and I'll love girl. I'll love you endlessly.” - Obsession [Consoul Trainin]

Unknown [07.30 pm]: This is the first time I’ve seen you wearing a dress, and I can’t say that I’m disappointed.

 Seen.

 Unknown [07.55 pm]: They say that red is a sexy color and they’re right. That color really brings out your beautiful eyes.

 Seen.

 Unknown [08.15 pm]: I’m so glad I have the chance to see what perfection is. It is a shame that I’m unable to see it from up close.

 Seen.

 Unknown [08.43 pm]: Nonetheless, the day shall come when you wear that dress for me only.

 Seen.

 Unknown [11.28 pm]: Those disgusting men were ogling at you. Should I get rid of them all?

 Seen.

 Unknown [11.33 pm]: Smart girl. I’m happy that you told them off. I wonder what other things can those luscious lips do...

 Seen.

 Unknown [12.17 am]: Aw... Did those heels hurt your legs, baby? Poor you. Don’t worry, baby, I’ll buy better ones for you. Just name the brand and I’ll have them delivered straight to your house. It doesn’t matter if they’re expensive.

 Seen.

 Unknown [12.20 am]: Your happiness is more important to me.

 Seen.

 You’d never seen a more hypocritical text in your entire life. Did they think you were happy being stalked like this? Did they think you were flattered by their attention? Did they think you wanted this?

 No, you didn’t. You weren’t some kind of a thirsty attention seeker. But, of course, they were too fucking blind to see the truth.

 Then again, what did you expect from a stalker anyway? It wasn’t as if they would just drop everything and leave you alone like any normal, sane person out there. They were delusional. They thought that by showering you with love and attention, then you would be grateful and thus, increasing their chance of ‘wooing’ you.

 Like hell.

 And how the fuck did they know your address? Sure, you’d never received any type of gift sent here before, but how would you know that they wouldn’t do that sometime in the future?

 Or worse, visiting you in person?

 Well, that would be both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, you would see your stalker and possibly recognize them, if you knew them beforehand. It was actually a scary thought, but it was better than having a stranger fell head over heels to you. While you weren’t a true believer in ‘love at first sight’, it wasn’t something so far-fetched in this world. If such a thing didn’t exist, then why would some people write love at first sight stories?

 And on the other hand, you wouldn’t know what they would do once they meet you. To actually breathe in the same air as you. There was always a probability of them kidnapping you, or raping you. Or even both. It would be naïve to consider a more mannered way they would ‘greet’ you since they were most likely mental anyway.

 At least, that was what you thought.

 Sighing, you locked your phone and put it on the nightstand. Maybe you shouldn't have to check those messages in the first place. They were giving you a headache now, and the day hadn’t even started yet.

 You ripped the covers from your bare legs and stumbled into the bathroom. Bleary-eyed, you stopped in front of the mirror to inspect your appearance. It was disheveled and had people see the state you were in, they would be convinced you were an escapee from a mental hospital. [h/c] locks jutted out in every direction, reminiscent to Medusa's hair. Makeup smeared over your tired face, and the fake eyelashes weighed down your already drowsy lids. Your breath was smelly, despite not consuming any alcohol last night. The red halter dress that your friends forced you to wear felt constricting, particularly around the chest area.

 Was it possible to gain weight overnight?

 Shaking your head, you shuffled through your morning routine and took extra care in cleaning the makeup. There were already a few acnes formed on your face, small enough for a powder to hide them well. You weren’t necessarily in the mood to put on another makeup, but you couldn’t risk angering your boss. Sure, he was nice – actually nicer than your last one – yet it didn’t mean you could take advantage of his kindness.

 Taeyeon had warned you, during your first day, that Kim Namjoon was rather strict with the rules. An employee once went home with a beet red face after he fired them in front of their co-workers due to some obscure reason. It might be common in the workplace, but the shame wasn’t something that you’d like to experience for the second time. Suffice to say, you strived to avoid his anger by working as hard as you could. This occupation paid you more than your previous job, and you would be damned to let it go.

 Breakfast didn’t feel very fulfilling despite it being the same menu you had every day; a peanut buttered sandwich and a glass of hot tea. Although you kept forcing yourself to not overthink and just stay in the present, this stalking occurrence had taken a huge space inside your brain. The cheery chirping of the birds outside became white noise to you like millions of questions muffled your hearing. You were beginning to get frustrated because none of them didn’t make any sense nor did they provide an answer.

 Thus, in order to clear your mind, you decided to hail a cab instead. You usually took a train or bus, but today you weren’t too keen on being around people. Their hushed chatters could worsen your already bad mood, therefore a change in scenery might be all you needed.

 A beep shattered the peaceful silence that you desired after reading those intrusive messages. Fishing your phone out of your bag, you turned on the device and found that your senior had texted you.

 Taeyeon [07.15 am]: Don’t forget my shift, okay? :)

 Oh, yes. You forgot about the promise that you’d made to cover her shift because she was feeling under the weather. Why did you agree, anyway?

 Right, because you pitied her. It wasn’t like you could say no to her, either. She’d done a lot for you to make sure you were comfortable with your new job. It would be rude if you reject her plea, not to mention unappreciative.

 Well, had you knew your stalker would strike again, then you would surely decline.

 People were right. You could be too selfless for your own good sometimes.

 You [07.17 am]: Yeah, sure. Don’t forget to drink your medicine and eat lots of healthy food.

 Taeyeon [07.20 am]: Thx! <3 You’re so considerate, I owe ya!

 A small smile graced your once frowning face. Well, maybe being too selfless wasn’t too bad if people could acknowledge and appreciate your assistance. However small it might be. The feeling of being able to help those in need was something indescribable, yet gratifying nonetheless.

 “Morning, [Name]!”

 A tall man, with a baby face that never failed to make you secretly gushed at its cuteness every time you saw him, waved from his desk. Chanyeol was the second senior who immediately befriended you after Taeyeon. His cheerful yet easy-going aura lowered your guard almost instantly, and you were glad that you met someone like him in such a fast-paced environment. It was hard for you to talk to new people, as you usually chose to analyze the surroundings first so you could get a grasp on the do's and don’ts.

 Nodding, you shot him a rather coy smile. “Good morning, Chanyeol-seonbae.”

 The said man grinned, satisfied with the more relaxed honorific. He’d told you that ‘ssi’ made him sound older than he actually was – despite the fact that he was a good few years older than you – and insisted on either dropping it or use a more ‘casual’ term like ‘oppa’. You remembered Taeyeon had slapped him with a folder and suggested ‘seonbae’ instead. Her suggestion was appreciated because a much as you wanted to shorten the emotional distance with him, ‘oppa’ was too lax and... intimate for you to use to a senior. Especially to someone you just met.

 “Where’s Taeyeon?” he asked. Leaning against your desk, Chanyeol watched you put down your bag and turned on the PC.

 “Ill,” you replied as you inserted the password on to the computer. “She texted me two days ago, said that she’s not feeling well. She wanted me to cover her shift.”

 “And…?” He raised a brow and tapped his forearm, waiting for your next response.

 You shrugged nonchalantly. “I agreed, of course.”

 “Aish, you.” Chanyeol reached out to muss your hair, a habit that appeared whenever he was displeased at something you did. However, your fast reflex allowed you to avoid his ‘destroying’ hand. “You’re still new in here, and yet you’re already covering someone’s shift? Talk about workaholic.”

 “It’s just a one-time thing, Seonbae.” You didn’t know whether you were defending your bruised ego or Taeyeon. Most likely both. “And I’m not exactly new, either.”

 “Of course you are! You’ve been here for, like, six months.”

 “That’s still considered long, though…”

 “Nope, unless you’ve worked for a year. Less than that, you’re still a newbie.” He grinned playfully as he leaned forward to pinch your cheeks. “My beloved junior~”

 You rolled your eyes, secretly basking on his brotherly affection. His teasing attitude was what probably you looked forward the most every day. Well, aside from the gossip and newest rumors Taeyeon always managed to get from other employees both inside and outside your department. You liked to listen to those pieces of presumably false information, although you didn’t care enough to dig further.

 “Is that true?” A deep voice inquired, startling you both.

 Chanyeol instinctively bowed to Namjoon while you straightened up. Namjoon dismissed him, muttering an order to return his desk. Chanyeol obeyed without another word and left after giving you one last nod. You returned the gesture and averted your gaze to Namjoon who patiently waited for your reply.

 “Um... What is true, if I may ask?” you asked, unsure of what he’d questioned.

 “About Taeyeon’s absence.”

 “O-oh,” you nodded repeatedly to show your understanding. “Yes, that’s true. I… I can show you the message if you want, Sir.”

 Namjoon lifted a hand to dismiss your offer. “No need. I just want to confirm it myself since she hasn’t texted me yet.”

 Pointy finger drew invisible circles against the grey desk as you subtly avoided his intense stare. “Maybe she forgot. I’m sure she’ll text you… eventually.” you mumbled the last part.

 “I sure hope so,” Namjoon closed his eyes and hummed. It was the kind of sound people made to indicate they were thinking about something, and somehow you had a feeling that it wouldn’t be pleasant. “It won’t be good if she loses her job,” he peered through his eyelashes, trying to gauge your reaction from the rhetorical question. “… Right?”

 You froze, eyes wide. Did you hear it correctly? Or were your ears playing tricks on you? There was no way he would fire Taeyeon just because she forgot to text him, right? Well, you supposed it was understandable. But still, it was just a simple mistake and besides, the clock hadn’t even strike eight yet. There was simply no need for such a drastic measure.

 “Um, uh, I…”

 “I’m kidding.” Namjoon suddenly chuckled. You released a breath you didn’t know you were holding, unaware of the mischievous grin he donned. “She actually texted me last night.”

 You weren’t sure if you should smile or click your tongue at his – frankly speaking – a cruel joke. However, for the sake of politeness, you chose the former.

 “That’s not why I’m here, to be honest.” He cleared his throat, still silently observing you through his peripheral vision. “I have a lunch meeting this afternoon, and I want you to come with me.”

 It wasn’t a request, nor was it an invitation. It was an order; one that you had to obey as his employee. Still, it didn’t make it sound any less confusing.

 “But… why?”

 “Why what?”

 You frowned, contemplating over the million reasons as to why he would ask you to come with him instead of his personal assistant. Because, what? You were just an ordinary worker. “You have Lee Chaerin-ssi, Sir. So why-?”

 “She’s busy,” he cut you off without batting an eyelash. “Unless you have some objections…?”

 “Oh, no, no. Of course not! I, uh…” you tittered, scratching your hair in both nervousness and confusion. “Of course I’d love to come with you, Sir! I was just, um… making sure there’s no mistake. Yeah, that’s it.”

 Namjoon blinked slowly, face betraying no emotion whatsoever. You hated that kind of expression, because what if he chewed you out due to your hesitation? Thankfully, he smiled before you could fall into another overthinking state.

 “That’s great. I shall come back later.” He reached forward and patted you on the back. “Now, finish your work.”

 You nodded, smiling through your discomfort of having his hand lingered a bit too long behind you. “Yes, Sir.”

[purplesurveys]

698

3 words that describe...

Your personality: (A bit) aloof, sensitive, and shy.

Your friends: Loud, laidback, cheeky.

Your family: Emotionally distant, (mostly) religious. I’m cheating so much on this looooool.

Your life: Right now? Put on hold. Thanks, coronavirus.

Your current mood: Hungry, and irritated eyes.

Your dreams/goals in life: Ok three words will be too short for this so I’ll just enumerate three whole phrases: I’d like to have a job that pays well, get a house that doesn’t have to be huge, but it has to come with features I’ve always wanted like cove lights and a yard for the kids and dog to play in, and get settled.

Your partner/boyfriend/girlfriend (if you have one): Funny, intelligent, courageous.

The person you last talked to: Brave, considerate, responsible.

The room that you are currently in: Comfortable, well-lit, homey.

The world in your perspective: Many stupid humans.

Yes/No questions...

Are you creative? Absolutely not. I like doing the logical/rational side of things... I let others take care of creative aspects, if they have to be present.

Do you like spending a sunny day outdoors? NO, unless I’m at the beach then sunny is the only way to go. Otherwise I’d rather be indoors or somewhere air-conditioned thx.

Do you get upset easily or over the littlest things? I can be. It’s usually when I’m already stressed/antsy enough, or if I’m on my period.

Do you dislike any of the people in charge of you (i.e: teachers, bosses)? I don’t particularly dislike my prof in my Rizal course but he sure teaches like he doesn’t want to be there. I just haven’t been getting the enthusiasm off of him, and that’s really important to me when it comes to being interested in my subjects. Oh but my PE coach this sem is a bitch - one time I forgot to wear the shirt color she demands us to follow and she ignored me for the entire period. Quickest way to make me feel shitty. So yeah. Probably her.

Do you like to read books/magazines/newspapers? I like books only if they’re non-fiction. I...don’t really read magazines anymore, and I kinda have to check into newspapers from time to time because I take up journalism.

Are you family-oriented? Towards my girlfriend’s family, yeah. I don’t really care about being family-oriented for my own.

Have you ever been friends with someone in the past out of sympathy? Yeah, this girl named MJ in Grade 7. She was a new-ish student then and no one was approaching her, so Gab and I tried to befriend her for a time. Didn’t really pan out that well - we just didn’t mesh - so we stopped talking not long after.

Do/did you ever get nervous around people you are/were crushing on? I still do.

Do you believe in global warming? Duh.

Are you happy with the way society/the world in general is? I’m typically pessimistic when it comes to people, so no not really. I just feel like the bad news always overweigh the good these days - and while good news can serve as rays of sunshine sometimes, I’d rather face reality than live in my own bubble and choose to be oblivious to all the shitstorms happening around me.

Do you ever question your own religion/beliefs? I did, as early as when I was 10. The Bible just didn’t make sense to me to my frustration, and I’ve always felt disgusted with my school guilt-tripping us to be good people because a man got crowned with thorns and nailed to a giant cross. I figured I can be good simply because I choose to, so I let go of my Catholic roots quickly after. Having no friends that time surely forced me to think hahahahahahaha jk 1/2

This/That...

Do you prefer today's trends/styles, or ones from the past? Both have awesome stuff, there’s no need to pick. I’m really into the mom jeans of the 90s, but I also like the yellow trend that’s been going on recently.

Being too cold or too hot? I’d rather be shivering but be comforted with a thick blanket, than sweat bullets and have absolutely no way to cool myself down.

Uploading music to your iPod, or buying CDs? Depends. I used to buy the CDs of my favorite artists then just download the other music I’m not as passionate about.

Fruits or vegitables? VEGETABLESSSSSSSSSSSS. I hate fruits.

Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate, for the most part. Vanilla tastes like nothing to me. Baseball or football? I don’t watch either and I probably won’t enjoy either either lmao, but I have a bias towards football because my girlfriend’s sisters play the sport. The mall with a bunch of little stores, or one single, big store? Malls kinda work differently here... they’re all one big building with a bunch of restaurants, clothing shops, sports shops, novelty stores, etc. Rap music or rock and roll? Not a big fan of either but I’d go with rock and roll I guess. I like some rap but none of them make me feel things, which rock can sometimes do for me. Roller skates or roller blades? I owned a pair of roller blades when I was 10 and had fun memories with it even though I never did learn how to do it properly. Horror movies that give you nightmares, or romance that makes you vomit? Horror for sure. I don’t even like romance-only movies; they have to be laced with a lot of comedy in between for me to enjoy them. Making more friends or making more money? Making more money sorry LMAOOOOOO Living it up and being stupid, or being safe and never pay the price? I’d always rather be safe. I hate getting reprimanded or caught doing something bad or being punished. Doing more of the talking, or more of the listening in a conversation? Listening, please. I don’t like having the attention on me for too long. Giving or receiving? Giving I guess? I always have a pretty good sense of what my loved ones need, and it’s always nice to see how good they feel when I give it to them. Cats or dogs? Dogs. Playing on the swingsets or the slides (as a kid)? Swings. I was traumatized by one slide when I was 6 because it was apparently blistering hot when I slid down from it, and it almost burned my butt off lmao.

Would you rather...

Bolding these because I’m lazy.

Live off of just food for 2 days, or just beverage for 2 days?

Tell a lie and be believable, or tell the truth and still be blamed?

Die at 65 with the love of your life, or live to 85 being single?

Fart and be heard from far away or fart and be smelled from far away?

Be tickled for an hour straight or be woken up by a bucket of cold water?

Have a cabel snap while bunjee jumping or have the bar go up on a coaster?

Have a deadly plague or a nuclear bomb hit your country? (Don't get ideas!) < This is a sick question to ask these days lol. I’m not answering.

Lick a frozen telephone pole or stick your hand in dry ice? Be rejected by your favorite celebrity or by someone you secretly admire? Give up your favorite food for eternity or eat a bowl of dead spiders? Make a lot of money at a job you hate or little money at a job you love? Jump off a bridge or from a moving car? < Another sick question.

Favorites...

Color(s): Pink, sky blue, off-white.

Song(s): I don’t have one at the moment. I haven’t listened to any music in a while, save for lo-fi.

Artist(s): Beyoncé if we’re talking solo, Paramore if you mean bands.

Music genre: I don’t have a favorite one; my taste is pretty scattered.

Movie: Two for the Road or Good Will Hunting

TV show: Breaking Bad, Friends, BoJack Horseman, Queer Eye

Actor and actress: Gregory Peck; Audrey Hepburn or Kristen Stewart

Movie/TV genre: Romantic comedy or drama lmao, I’m a sappy bitch. Suspense and psychological horror are also cool.

Restarant: Yabu, Mendokoro Ramenba, or Silantro

Food: Sushi

Dessert: Macarons

Hobby: Going to museums! Or reading about the history of anything.

Activity to do out of boredom: Scroll my social media feeds orrrrrr do surveys, or watch cooking videos on YouTube heh.

Type of weather: Bleak, rainy, and chilly.

Book: I don’t have a favorite.

Subject in school: History

Item that you own: My car hahahaha

Pastime: Eating out and window shopping. Maybe I’m just saying these because I haven’t been to a mall in a while :/

Site: Palawan

Tourist attraction: I’ve always wanted to go to those towers that lets you go to the top floor and the floor is just literal glass. If I’m gonna be a tourist-y tourist, that’s the first place I’d go to haha.

Random questions in your own words...

If you could have any desired superpower, what would it be?

The history nerd in me would take up time travel in an instant. And I won’t even be using it as a superpower lmao, it’d be like a research pastime for me.

What would be your dream job?

If I wasn’t such an introvert and if I were a lot better in handling crowds, I really would have wanted to be a pro wrestler.

Descibe your dream date:

Museum in the day, cute dinner at night.

What was the best day of your life like?

I don’t know if that has happened yet.

What was the worst day of your life like?

So far my worst day was when I wasn’t accepted into my school paper in high school and I spent like 18 hours crying my eyes out. I liked writing and was accepted for my portfolio, but people thought I was too shy to fit the group’s dynamic and ended up getting booted. There are quiet writers too, assholes.

If you ever have kids one day, what you you name them?

Too early for this lol I’ve only had name picked out - Olivia.

What's one thing that will bring you out of your worst mood no matter what?

My dog. FOR SURE.

Who's the most annoying person you've ever encountered?

Jem, someone from my college who thinks she’s close with me but I really do not like her at all.

If you could grow up to be like anybody, who would it be?

I don’t believe in having role models. I just want to be the best version of myself.

If you could change something about yourself, what would it be?

My mental health could be mental healthier.

What's your favorite inspirational/famous quote? I don’t depend on these either. Describe your dream ice cream sundae (unlimited toppings): Meh, I don’t like sundaes. Just scoops would be fine with me. What comes to mind first when you think of your favorite color? I have no idea why this is what I remember, but it was the day I went shopping for school supplies and got myself a pink clipboard, pink pencil case, pink expander, and pink highlighters. I think it’s because it was that day where I had to acknowledge that pink was in fact, unironically, my favorite color HAHAHA What's something in your life that you once hated but came to like? ^ The color pink. And chicken curry. What's something in your life that you once liked but came to hate? Cooked salmon. There was one phase my mom made it almost everyday and I just got sick of it. I refuse to eat salmon to this day unless it’s sashimi or in sushi. If you could stop any chaos/problem in our world today, what would it be? This fucking pandemic. 2020 CAN’T CONTINUE BECAUSE OF YOU. What would be the best way to die, in your opinion? Peacefully, in sleep, with no pain. What would be the worst way to die? Falling off a cliff (or anywhere high) and landing on a boulder EUGH I cringe at it. Also getting impaled. AND plane crashes. If you could give your room a free makeover, what would you do to it? I’d make it look spacier by moving the bed to the wall so there’s a lot of free space in the middle. I’d also add a desk, work chair, and a lamp so I can study there. If you could have an unlimited amount of anything, what would it be? The number of years my dog would live. What's one thing that you like that would probably surprise your friends? They know I like punk rock in general but I haven’t shared any of the music with them. It would definitely surprise them. Out of everything in the world, what holds the most meaning to you? Stability.

[captaindboss]

captaindboss’ Hottest NHL Players Survey Responses

I’m demonkonecny bc it’s halloween!!! Happy Halloween!!! Anyway I’m finally posting the results of my hottest players per team survey, (it’s closed now so u can’t take it anymore, sorry) which included ur fav ugly hots like jack eichel and connor mcdavid. Y’all had some colorful write-in responses for me, I included my favorites! Anyway, as not to clog dashes I put it under a read more. If you have questions about how I compiled this data or how I organized it, feel free to ask! Also some of y’all didn’t put an answer for like half the teams???? who raised you.

Montreal Canadians

Carey Price (55.02%--126 of 229 votes)

Jonathan Drouin (23.58%--54 of 229 votes)

Shea Weber (13.10%--30 of 229 votes)

Other* (8.30%--19 of 229 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“PK Subban...oh wait...Lars Eller... Oh wait...Drouin...oh wait...Alex Galchenyuk...oh wait shit fine Shea Weber”

“Everyone who has escaped”

“their ‘attitude problem’“

Boston Bruins

Brandon Carlo (30.26%--69(lol) of 228 votes)

Patrice Bergeron (Cause y’all would kill me if I didn’t put him) (29.82%--68 of 228 votes)

David Pastrnak (yum i lov carb) (25.88%--59 of 228 votes)

Other* (14.04%--32 of 228 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

[About Carlo] “He’s  a baby but also like has an ageless vampire quality which appeals to my ovaries, long conditioned by teen vampire novels”

“Brad Marchand's tongue (only the tongue)” [this ain’t it chief]

“I love my alien father tuukka rask” [r u ok]

Bonus, cause I’m weak:

“no one THINKS pasta is hot COME ON i hate us” [it’s okay, he is VERY hot, that’s why I put him lmao]

“Zdeno chara babey” [R U OK]

Bl*ckh*wks

Girl as if (44.80%--99 of 221 votes) 

Jonathan Toews (22.62%--50 of 221 votes)

If you put pk*ne here i’ll come to your house and murder you*^/other (17.65%--39 of 221 votes)

hahahahaHAHAHA (14.93%--33 of 221 votes)

*= tie between Nick Schmaltz and John Hayden.

^= 3 people want me to come to their houses and murder them, unfortunately it’s still illegal to do so, therefore I will not be doing that.

Write-ins

“toews player portrait makes him look like a human condom”

“i live in chicago and am willing to take 1 for the team and take out k*ne” 

“Bitch you funny but also Alex Debrincat”

New York Rangers

Brady Skjei (46.32%--107 of 231 votes)

Henrik Lundqvist duh (31.17%--72 of 231 votes)

Brett Howden is the right answer despite not being on the roster yet^ (11.69% (lol)--27 of 231 votes)

Other* (10.82%--25 of 231 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

^= funny enough, like 2 days after I made this Brett made the final cut lmao.

Write-ins

“Chris Kreider (have you seen the golf pic???) [LMFAO yeah I have (it’s probably too NSFW if ur in public fyi if u wanna google it)]

“i'm horny for like half the gd rangers roster!!!!” [lol girl I know, y’all actually have a few cuties I was a lil shocked]

“this is a hot team too bad they suck”

Toronto Maple Leafs

Y’all are demons okay Nikita Zaitsev is a fuckin gem idk why I was surprised about this but I was lmao.

Other* (39.37%--87 of 221 votes) [just know that I hate u all :/]

William Nylander (25.79%--57 of 221 votes)

Nazem Kadri (24.89%--55 of 221 votes)

Nikita Zaitsev (9.95%--22 of 221 votes)

*= Freddie Andersen. 

Write-ins

“william nylander isn't a leaf, firstable, and second it's motch murner” [sjdhkdlsjdj everything about this]

“i'm putting rich clune even tho he's on the marlies. SOMETIMES HE COMES UP. he could benchpress ever leaf on the roster.” [ur valid, when u sent this I was like “FUCK they’re right.”]

“None they look like 25 year olds who smoke crack in the parking lot” [this is low-key mean but I still laughed, cause yeah, white dudes. But I’m not condoning drug abuse or jokes about drug abuse, as this person had no intention of doing, I’m sure. Just wanted to put that because I know some people might be concerned.]

Bonus, again, weak:

"Jxhn Txvxrxs” [jhkhfoij why did u censor his name sis??]

“nobody’s attractive on the leafs” [this isn’t true but I’m petty and it’s funny.]

Detroit Red Wings

I was so fucking offended by some of the dylan larkin SLANDER up in these write-ins, y’all can come to my house and fight me thx.

Dylan Larkin (48.23%--109 of 226 votes)

Henrik Zetterberg (im crying) (31.42%--71(CRYING) of 226 votes)

Other* (11.95%--27 of 226 votes)

Andreas Athanasiou (8.41%--19 of 226 votes)

*= 12 votes for “No one/Not Dylan Larkin” (yall r annoying lmfao), 10 votes for Filip Zadina (he’s a CHILD how dare u)

Write-Ins

“Luke glen denting is hot look at his arms and he’s not too old for ME” [girl when I tell u this shit killed me, I mean I SQUAWKED a laugh out and sent it to the fps gc, I was DEAD] 

“I don't know what any of the red wings look like and it's probably better that way” [????????????????]

“ion know anyone on the wings except zadina and he scored a gwg against the bruins yesterday so my answer for this one is none 😤😤” [(this was in reference to a pre-season game) lmao sis yall are okay. it was yalls babies against our roster players, I would have offed myself had the outcome been any different lmao]

Bonus

“Does anyone actually play for the red wings” [no]

“filip "thot" zadina” [don’t....]

Los Angeles Kings

The only right answer is Alec Martinez (41.56%--96 of 231 votes)

Adrian Kempe (38.10%--88 of 231 votes)

Anze Kopitar (12.12%--28 of 231 votes)

Other* (8.23%--19 of 231 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“jeff carter would snort a line of coke with gritty” [uhhhhh WHAT]

“uhh wayne gretzky...” [jvfluhddsf sis...]

“I couldn't name anyone on this team if you PAID ME” [fjldfdhfh god I wish that were me, sorry annie u know I joke....]

Philadelphia Flyers

Claude Giroux (44.78%--103 of 230 votes)

Travis Konecny (HAHAHAHAHA that’s my ugly hot gremlin) (24.78%--57 of 230 votes

Other* (22.17%--51 of 230 votes

Wayne Simmonds (8.26%--19 of 230 votes)

*= Nolan Patrick is apparently who y’all think is the 3rd hottest flyer, even tho he Looks Like That rn lmao. fuckin’ lettuce head.

Write-ins

“Gritty's googly eyes are the windows to the soul”

“andrea helfrich” [ur right]

“tk, because country boy i LOVE you 😛”

Bonus

“hey don't make threats abt gritty like that” [I put “if you put gritty i’ll block you”]

“My hellspawn son [Gritty,] is beautiful can’t believe Voracek and G had a son tho” [HDKUHEDKJFHD BITCH]

Pittsburgh Penguins :(

Kris Letang (55.17%--128 of 232 votes)

Other* (19.40%--45 of 232 votes)

Not Sidney Crosby [this is the option for Sidney Crosby] (16.81%--39 of 232 votes)

Tristan Jarry (8.62%--20 of 232 votes

*= different variations of “none” won but only by one vote, the person right behind was Jamie Oleksiak.

Write-ins

“the penguins roster came into my home and killed my entire family, but jamie oleksiak is 6'7" 255 lbs of A Man” [NDKFHSJRFDRBSKRFH valid]

“no penguin has ever been hot. As soon as they put on the jersey the hotness evaporates. Tragic.” [wow look at all that truth right there]

“as a heterosexual i chose letang, and as a flyers fan i choose the penguin mascot” [lmao girl letang is not the answer either]

St. Louis Blues

Colton Parayko (67.11%--151 of 225 votes)

Alex Pietrangelo (17.33%--39 of 225 votes)

Other* (8%--18 of 225 votes)

Ryan O’Reilly (7.56%--17 of 225 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“this [’other’] box shouldn’t exist there are no valid arguments against the angel colton parayko” [tru, but the blues have other hotties so I made the box to be fair to those of us who don’t like Big Blonde Sexies]

“uh valid i guess? idk any of the blues lmao” [LMAOOO I think they meant Vladdy, but “valid” cracked me up]

“ROR can lay me down” [ur so valid lmao]

Buffalo Sabres

Jeff Skinner (60.18%--136 of 226 votes)

Rasmus Ristolainen (17.26%--39 of 226 votes)

Other* (14.16%--32 of 226 votes)

Jack Eichel (8.41%--19 of 226 votes)

*= Inconclusive results. [Y’all big mad that I put Skinner on here. HE’S HOT!]

Write-ins

“Idk but not these lmao” [*instert that gif of the kardashians like “DON’T BE FUCKING RUDE”*]

“Why is Jeff Skinner an option he looks 12″ [who else tho sis. I looked at the roster!]

“If anyone says eichel i will come to their house and steal their toothbrushes. Its conor sheary.” [I took my own survey and picked Eichs but I still have my toothbrush so I guess......... I’m right.]

Bonus:

“Rasmus Ristolainen kinda looks like a creepy half-alive Ken doll, but I'll stand by my choice. Hire an exorcist.” [JDFKHRFWEH GIRL]

“They lost their only cute player when O’Reilly got traded sorry” [boom. roasted]

Vancouver Canucks

Brock Boeser (67.56%--152 of 225 votes)

Other* (13.78%--31 of 225 votes)

Jake Virtanen (12.44%--28 of 225 votes)

Ben Hutton (6.22%--14 of 225 votes)

*=Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“[about Jake Virtanen] all that ass...........” [sjdkfhdkfhdkhfi yeah]

“the city of vancouver” [?????????????????????]

“I keep forgetting that the canucks actually exist” [I’m reasonably sure this is annie lmfao]

Bonus

“I don’t know how any of this team looks either” [idk if I follow Nucks blogs or what but how do u not know Boeser???]

“i don't care enough about this team to even attempt to answer” [this is my brain @ me on the last 5 questions of an exam]

New York Islanders

Mat Barzal (67.69%--155 of 229 votes)

Tito Beauvillier (14.85%--34 of 229 votes)

Jordan Eberle (10.48%--24 of 229 votes)

Other* (6.99%--16 of 229 votes)

*=Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“you say put full names but then u go and say tito??” [LISTEN I was tired at this point and forgot that I was trying to be at least a little bit professional about my thirst survey alright? yeesh]

“Its Matt Martin my dude” [LMAO u funny]

“idk how anyone pays attention to mat when tito is always there looking better barzal looks like every attractive jock ive ever met and i dont trust that”

Calgary Flames

Noah Hanifin (37.95%--85 of 224 votes)

Elias Lindholm (32.59%--73 of 224 votes)

Matthew Tkachuk (20.54%--46 of 224 votes)

Other* (8.93%--20 of 224 votes)

*= Sean Monahan wins 4th hottest.

Write-ins

“[Hanifin] looks like the bad guy in a teen movie. the guy the Main Girl is dating in the beginning but is a real dick to her. you look at him and you KNOW he has a trust fund and votes republican. god he's so hot though” [hanny......... yeah.... yeah....]

“Why do I find Tkachuk attractive? I don't know but I love him” [me too]

“James 'The Real Deal' Neal” [lol I got this answer multiple times]

Washington Capitals

Tom Wilson (31.33%--73 of 233 votes)

Andre Burakovsky (29.18--68 of 233 votes)

Braden Holtby (24.03%--56 of 233 votes)

Other* (15.45%--36 of 233 votes)

*= Michal Kempny and Nicklas Backstrom tied for fourth hottest.

Write-ins

“literally no one, i s2g if i see anyone say ovi is attractive..... jfc god help them” [.... but ovi is dad-hot, also he got 3 votes]

“YOUR STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS! Everyone btw just a hot team of hot ugly men and Tom Wilson” [kskdjskdjksks]

“my sweaty swedish sweetheart; Nicklas Backstrom” [I’m too illiterate to read this right the first time thru lol]

Colorado Avalanche

Gabe Landeskog ( 55.95%--127 of 227 votes)

Other* (22.47%--51 of 227 votes)

Erik “Horsegirl” Johnson (14.1%--32 of 227 votes)

Mikko Rantanen (7.49%--17 of 227 votes)

*= Tyson Barrie won by more than double of all the other write-ins, but honorable mentions go to Nate MacK, Colin Wilson, Tyson Jost, Phillip Grubauer, and The Avs Tumblr People.

Write-ins - I (jokingly) got called bitch so much in these write-ins, y’all feel some type of WAY about this team lmfao.

“but also the tysons. i would buy a whole farm just so those boys could plow me into the ground.” [i’m SCREECHING. this killed me lol]

“only attractive b/c of his proximity to horses? maybe so.” [.... girl what]

Okay, so instead of a third quote, cause I couldn’t pick, I’m gonna put all the other funny EJ comments I was contemplating:

“ej is soooo ugly in the hottest way possible”

“erik "big horny" johnson”

“oh my god Ej was included for once I'm weeping tears of joy”

“What that mouth do EJ?”

New Jersey Devils

Miles Wood (36.12%--82 of 227 votes)

Taylor Hall (33.48%--76 of 227 votes)

Brian Boyle (19.82%--45 of 227 votes)

Other* (10.57%--24 of 227 votes)

*= Nico Hischier with the majority of the write-ins, even tho he’s still a CHILD (under 20).

Write-ins, aka Mostly Taylor Hall Commentary.

“Does Michael McLeod count” [YES girl i love that boy]

“Gucciiiiiii”

“DSL GUCCI”

“Nico Hischier (Taylor Hall I still love you)”

“i chose taylor and i don’t even need a gucci purse”

“If Taylor Hall gave me a Gucci purse I'd vote for him”

“catch me w/ a gucci purse, girl!!!! for real tho miles wood”

Dallas Stars

DISCLAIMER: I mean no disrespect to Katie, she’s fab and I made this survey a month or so ago. If you don’t know what I mean by this--do not ask me, I will delete the message. Thank you!

Tyler Seguin (46.96%--108 of 230 votes)

Katie Hoaldridge (im gay) (35.22%--81 of 230 votes)

Other* (13.91%--32 of 230 votes)

Stephen Johns (3.91%--9 of 230 votes)

*= Jamie Benn.

Write-ins

“tyler seguin has no upper lip” [I screamed, not exaggerating]

“You have to choose [Seguin] but I do so under duress”

“Im gay too” [hell yeah, this is a mlm and wlw friendly survey!]

Edmonton Oilers

Jujhar Khaira (28.57%--64 of 224 votes)

Other* (27.68%--62 of 224 votes)

Contract McMoney (he is hot) (25.89%--58 of 224 votes)

Darnell Nurse (17.86%--40 of 224 votes)

*= Leon Draisaitl won by more than 5 times anyone elses write-in lmao.

Write-ins ft. “The Draisaitl Quotes”

“McMoney’s money- just his money” [lmao ok sammie, HE’S HOT!]

“cannot mcwingames went off in the gq shoot i admit” [*annie voice* OHMYGOD]

“He’s [Khaira] like a romance novel cover like, f me” [tru]

Drai Quotes

“Drai but like lucic cause Momma needs a man that could kill me” [HDGFDHDGFHDH]

“leon dreisetl (is that his name, is this how you spell it?)”

“Leon Draisaitl and his contract that he doesn't deserve” [backhanded compliment lmao]

“the one w the longass name. dry saitl or whatever” [girl. lmfao]

Winnipeg Jets

Jets/laine fans are funny so I’m adding all the funniest ones instead of just 3 or 5. Sorryyyyyy I’m here to entertain.

Blake Wheeler (44.04%--96 of 218 votes)

Mathieu Perreault (but specifically in his newest headshot) (21.56%--47 of 218 votes)

Other* (19.27%--42 of 218 votes)

Connor Hellebuyck (15.14%--33 of 218 votes)

*= Patrik Laine, even tho I said NOT TO, demons.

Write-ins

“Their logo so I can fly away from this stupid team”

“Nobody but I just needed to point out Connor Hellebuyck looks like a stage magician and that is Not Hot” [i respectfully disagree with the last bit but the first parts made me snort]

“I don't know who windy pegg is”

“Boeing 747″ [sjdjsljlshgdu]

“they’re all second to jacob trouba’s dog Donnie”

“Patty Laine, but like, without the demon beard”

“Let me live my life! Laine has a good voice and i have a LANGUAGE KINK!”

“Laine WITH the beard because I don't fear death”

“Sorry, Laine but only with his beard” [I love the halfhearted apology]

“Goatboi”

“ALL HAIL THE GOAT DEVIL”

“laine come at me bitch lol” [denny’s parking lot. 3 am. be there.]

“laine looks like a goat”

“Laine’s Beard”

“LAINE I like the beard but hockey Satan is good to hellebuyck” [I really felt like I was tripping balls while reading all these but, ESPECIALLY this one lmfao]

Arizona Coyotes

Oliver Ekman-Larsson (30.32%--67 of 221 votes)

Jakob Chychrun (28.05%--62 of 221 votes)

Dylan Strome (26.24%--58 of 221 votes)

Other* (15.38%--34 of 221 votes)

*= Alex Galchenyuk, with the majority of the votes.

Write-ins

“pls date me Chych” [annie, that’s my BF!]

“ 🐼 there is no raccoon emoji >:(”

“[Chychrun] [a]lso has a vampire quality but like trust fund baby vampire who has no morals. I’m...into it??” 

Honorable mentions: The 2 people who put Biz lmaoooo I love yall.

Carolina Hurricanes

Andrei Svechnikov [he’s a baby but I didn’t know who elseeee] (38.29%--85 of 222 votes)

Haydn Fleury (35.59%--79 of 222 votes)

Other* (15.77%--35 of 222 votes)

Dougie Hamilton (10.36%--23 of 222 votes)

*= Sebastian Aho wins the write-in vote [he ain’t it!]

Write-ins

“Justin Faulk (I’m old so svechnikov is out)” [ugh ur right I didn’t make this more inclusive to people not my age, i’m (genuinely) sorry!!!]

“Formerly Eric ‘the hottest Staal' Staal” [only on the cane’s write-in would I have this happen...]

“[Jordan] staal terrifies me but that's hot” [true!]

San Jose Sharks

Erik Karlsson (70.04%--159 of 227 votes)

Martin Jones (17.62%-- 40 of 227 votes)

Other* (11.01%--25 of 227 votes)

Justin Braun (idk) (1.32%--3 of 227 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“Daddy shark (doo doo doo)” [just so yall know this is, of course, annie, as in anzekopistar, an actual demon, she’s talking about Erik Karlsson :)]

“Brent Burns, you know im right” [are you tho?]

“Okay sometimes I have needs I think Joe Thorton sans beard could fill” [this is why joe shaved. he felt this person in the universe wanting him to, so he did, wow thank u joe]

Ottawa Senators (lol)

Matt Duchene (33.63%--75 of 223 votes)

The entire team (cause they’re a dumpster fire) (30.94%-- 69 [it’s that tkachuk fuckboi energy] of 223 votes)

Other (there are none)* (22.87%--51 of 223 votes)

Spartacat (12.56%--28 of 223 votes)

*= Inconclusive results (because a lot of you took my “there are none” joke a little too seriously and just chose that, no write-in lmao)

Write-ins

“[about Duchene] he's traitorous but it's like that sometimes i guess” [sjdhdjfhkdhf girl it’s okay.]

“.... we're a team“ [i-]

“the senator on their jerseys is p cute ig”

Bonus:

“oh so spartacat is an option but not gritty huh” [LISTEN the flyers are a HOT team, the sens are NOT. that’s why lmao]

“Just based on headshots I’m going with Ben Sexton like also how do you go wrong with that name”

Tampa Bay Lightning

Brayden Point (55.25%--121 of 219 votes)

Other* (22.83%--50 of 219 votes)

Mitchell Stephens (11.87%--26 of 219 votes)

Steve Yzerman (10.05%--22 of 219 votes)

*= Inconclusive results. Although there were a lot of responses none of them added up significantly sooo....

 Write-ins

“am i the only one who thinks stevie y was a bit of a twink when he was younger?” [jdhslihdalskdjefh]

“Worst team in the league i hate them and theyre all hideous” [u sure bout that, bud?]

“Stamkos (I love his tiny eyes)” [????]

Florida Panthers

 Aaron Ekblad (71.75%--160 of 223 votes)

Aleksander Barkov [r yall ok???] (11.66%--26 of 223 votes)

Other* (10.31%--23 of 223 votes)

Vincent Trocheck (6.28%--14 of 223 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“who are the panthers” [sometimes a team is a dog captain, a(n extremely hot) 27-year-old lawyer, and not owen tippett because the panthers hate me specifically]

“Roberto Luongo during Parkland speech” [... valid]

“barkov is literally the only player i know on this team” [shey would be happy to teach u about the panthers!]

Anaheim Ducks

Adam Henrique (52.47%--117 of 223 votes)

No one else (29.6%--66 of 223 votes)

Other* (10.76%--24 of 223 votes)

John Gibson (7.17%--16 of 223 votes)

*=Inconclusive results.

Write-ins-Ducks fans don’t @ me but i’m pretty sure half of these were submitted by y’all anyways....

“if i look @ anyone on the ducks roster for more than 5 seconds i BLACK OUT” [KSHDGJDHSKH Adam tho....]

“Quack Quack go lay your eggs somewhere else you feathered FUCKS” [sjdjfhdjsksj]

“legal 2 say kesler?” [no. go to jail]

Bonus

“Henrique is fine I have no qualms about your selections” [thnk u]

“jared coreau!!! GOOGLE HIM i’m right” [I said this, and we’ve talked, but I need people to know that I, after seeing this, subsequently found out that the Wings didn’t sign coreau back this offszn lmao] 

Nashville Predators

Roman Josi (39.39%--91 of 231 votes)

PK Subban (37.66%--87 of 231 votes)

Kevin Fiala (13.42%--31 of 231 votes)

Other* (9.52%--22 of 231 votes)

*= Pekka Rinne for 4th hottest. [My mom loves him for his name lol. she says it’s “fun”]

Write-ins 

“pk wears cool hats. I like that in a man”

“I don't find any of them hot (Josi used too be hot and then I learned he was illiterate and now I feel nothing but pity towards him)” [GIRL]

“preds are also ugly. pk subban would be attractive if he werent a pred” [lmao. what’d they do to u ?]

Columbus Blue Jackets

Pierre-Luc Dubois (50.22%--113 of 225 votes)

Zach Werenski (20.44%--46 of 225 votes)

Josh Anderson (16.89%--38 of 225 votes)

Other* (12.44%--28 of 225 votes)

*= Alex Wennberg is 4th hottest [lmao]

Write-ins

“Can I put werenskie and Anthony Duclair” [valid]

“Just to be clear CBJ is by far the hottest team exemplified by the fact that you left Seth Jones and Alexander Wenneberg off this list when they're like top 20 in hotness. Also Nick Foligino wins if we include looks and personality.” [I didn’t include them cause this is a mix of hot and ugly hot fam, the avs are 100% the hottest team in the NHL, and that’s coming from me, a Wings fan, destined to hate the Avs for my entire life. Also???? The hotter Foligno is def Marcus lmao]

“[About Werenski] only with the scar though otherwise seth jones” [GIRL scars don’t disappear??? WDYM only with the scar??? Are you a time traveler??? lmfaooo]

Minnesota Wild

J.T. Brown (46.46%--105 of 226 votes)

Other* (21.68%--49 of 226 votes)

Eric Staal (20.80%--47 of 226 votes)

Jason Zucker (11.06%--25 of 226 votes)

*= Charlie Coyle. Honorable mentions to Zach Parise and Matt Dumba.

Write-ins

“Charlie Coyle man! V hot, could kill you, gently waves at babies, 10/10″ [exactly my type! wow]

“ Not JT[,] Lexi is the hottest[,] Eric Staal from a few years ago is also hot” [I added commas to your thing cause.... girl it took me a sec to understand what u were tryna say. But also ur right it’s Lexi.]

“love a #wokebae jt” [yaaas]

FINALLY this legit took me like 10+ hours of work cause I had to transcribe all the info cohesively and then go thru all the responses lmao.

Vegas Golden Knights

William Karlsson (40.52%--94 of 232 votes)

Marc-Andre Fleury (30.60%--71 of 232 votes)

Max Pacioretty (16.81%--39 of 232 votes)

Other* (12.07%--28 of 232 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“[Karlsson] because he looks like young Bill from Mamma Mia” [shfhdjdhf girl]

“fleury isn't hot you absolute monster” [???????? drink ur bitterness tea somewhere else pls]

“let's find out just how wild this boy is” [pftd dtduftdhjfgdjfghdjf]

Bonus/Honorable mentions:

The TWO people who put “colin miller’s eyelashes” lmfaoooo

Alrighty this is The End! If you’d like to see another survey by me let me know in my messages/ask!!! Also sorry for stealing de la Rose from u, habs fans

[5hfanfiction]

Burning Memories (One Shot)

Summary: Camila and Lauren reunite by fire at the beach as they reflect on their past relationship while active in Fifth Harmony and struggle to wrap their heads around what’s in store for them as they navigate adulthood and contemplate the future.

Burning Memories

Camila Cabello was no more than ten yards from her car and already breaking a sweat from the weight of the logs and kindling she was carrying. She silently cursed the spontaneity of her plans and the resulting poor execution. The notebooks tightly squeezed into the backpack on her shoulders may as well have been bricks when combined with the other supplies that she brought along to the beach. However, it was inching near sunset, so being aware of how dark it would get afterward inspired a slight hustle in her to find the perfect spot for setting up.

There were a few other people within eyesight scattered along the beach but nobody close enough to get a good look at pop music’s stream queen. Ideally wherever she landed would stay secluded and afford her the privacy desired to conquer the evening’s mission without fear of recognition. At just about the point when she felt like her arms might fall off or her legs might give out from under her, Camila found a space that met her criteria and she gently dropped her supplies down to the sand in relief.

In hindsight she realized it may have been more effective to kidnap a girl scout as numerous unsuccessful attempts at starting a fire had come and gone. She opted to take a break and enjoy viewing the sunset when her frustration with the fire-starting reached a peak. It was difficult for Camila to remember the last time she let herself get lost in the beauty of her landscape, and in a way it helped relax her mind away from thoughts about the reason she came out there in the first place.

As the last visible piece of the sun dwindled away from view, Camila returned her attention toward the unlit logs and the unzipped backpack lazily tossed a few feet away. It was barely visible at that point, so she broke the “no cell phone” policy she intended to enforce in order to use her flashlight app. Unfortunately, breaking this rule meant she saw she had received a text from her second least favorite person in that moment, and her level of restraint to prevent her from reading it was minimal to none once she knew it was there.

“Thx, Camz! After the date’s set I can send you an invite. Is your parents’ address ok? It’d be good to c u. Matthew is welcome as your +1, ofc. :)”

Camila took a deep breath as she flipped her phone over so the screen was facing away from her again, against her leg. Lauren wasn’t her friend anymore, far from it, but enough time had lapsed that they could be civil enough to acknowledge each other when congratulations were in order. Ty had apparently proposed to Lauren a while ago, but the media somehow didn’t catch on before the couple chose to announce it themselves on Instagram a few hours before Camila’s escape to the beach.

It had been barely tens minutes after Camila read the announcement and found the courage to text Lauren her well wishes about the news that her boyfriend, Matthew, requested to FaceTime from overseas. He told her he wanted to take a break because of their disagreement over when to have children. He explained how he needed time to think about whether he could wait as much time as Camila needed to ride the wave of her current career success. Although she recognized that the pressure to start a family was a risk that could come from dating a significantly older man, it didn’t occur to her the topic would be pressed as soon as it was. This “break” seemed more like an ultimatum, so she decided on a whim that if her relationship was going to burn to ashes, then so too would the evidence of all the emotions past loves have made her feel.

Camila flipped her phone back over with every intention of going straight to the flashlight, but she felt a tug in her gut that told her to send a response to Lauren’s text first.

“The address here (Miami) is fine. But if I don’t have a +1 anymore, am I still invited?”

She felt stupid the moment she hit send, as her response was practically begging for questions, yet a part of her truly was curious if being in a relationship made her presence in Lauren’s life less awkward now. Rather than waste time obsessing over receiving a response, Camila tapped on the YouTube app and resorted to searching “how to build a lasting fire.” She had begun taking mental notes from the video she selected when a “ding” indicating a new text message interrupted.

“Here? Are you in Miami RN 2?”

‘Too? Oh no..’ Camila thought to herself as she reread the text to be sure. Lauren spent so much downtime in LA last she checked (not that she was keeping tabs or anything). It didn’t even occur to her they could both be in Miami at the same time.

“Yeah 4 1 wk. U?”

Camila barely had a chance to re-open the video before receiving another text alert.

“I fly back to LA tmrw. Want to grab a drink 2night?”

Camila felt her heart rate increase at the suggestion. Last time they intentionally spent time together she hadn’t been old enough to go out for a drink in the states, not that her celebrity status couldn’t have gotten her around that. What would Lauren think of her now? Sure, she had proven herself in the industry despite the controversy surrounding her exit from a group that had since gone on hiatus, but what would Lauren say to the scene that was laid out before her on the beach? What would she make of Camila aimlessly sitting in the sand beside notebooks filled with her most private thoughts, lyrics, and ideas, one of which was exclusively filled with content related to once loving the woman in question?

“I’m @ the beach.”

It wasn’t a direct invitation for Lauren to join her, but it may as well have been. It certainly wasn’t an outright rejection to meeting up either.

“What part? Is any1 else w/ u? I can meet u there.”

Camila sent a text back with more specific details about her location based on where she had parked, after which Lauren had announced that she would “see her soon & bring some treats.” Camila didn’t waste anymore time preparing the fire, as anxiety about the situation to come gradually crept up on her. The last thing she wanted to admit upon their reunion was how pathetic she was at something as simple as building a campfire, so she was determined to have it going strong before Lauren’s arrival.

It slipped Camila’s mind to conceal the contents of the backpack before it was too late. A noticeable figure was approaching her location quickly, and whether it was Lauren or a stranger out for blood, she wasn’t certain she wouldn’t die either way. To the relief of millions of fans worldwide, it was in fact Lauren who eventually came into full view and not a random sociopath excited to claim their next victim.

“I remember when you used to be afraid of wandering alone in the dark,” Lauren reminisced aloud as she retrieved a bottle of Grey Goose from a bag she had been carrying.

“Who’s to say that isn’t still true? Some emotions overpower fear depending on the circumstances,” Camila countered before gesturing toward the liquor. “Is that standard for celebrating an engagement?”

Lauren took a seat beside Camila in the sand, being sure to keep a safe distance from the fire that was finally burning properly.

“Probably not, but it’s good enough to celebrate being two people who are catching up after going through shit. Besides, Ty and I celebrated the engagement properly right after it happened.”

Lauren took a decent-sized swig directly from the bottle before offering it to Camila. Camila didn’t hesitate to accept, although she stuck to a more manageable sip. She was a lightweight and knew better than to start off with too much, too fast.

“Congrats again, by the way. Marriage is a big step. How’d you know you were ready?”

Camila knew it was a heavy question, but the way they used to be never involved treading lightly.

Lauren took another sip from the bottle and shrugged.

“It’s so rare to find someone who supports you for you, for everything you are, and everything you stand for despite all the noise in the world trying to sell us a false image of what perfect people and perfect love should be. Ty has never tried to change me. He understands nobody ever could.”

Camila pondered Lauren’s response carefully, before settling on a nod followed by a much bigger gulp of the vodka than she intended.

“Matthew wants me to stop taking birth control,” Camila blurted before the more reserved part of her brain could censor the thought from spilling out.

Lauren’s eyes widened noticeably before she tried to play it off by digging a small hole in the sand to store the bottle in temporarily.

“Wow,” is all Lauren managed to reply, taking the time to let it sink in where they both were with their lives now compared to when they had been close.

“Today he asked for us to 'take a break’ because the last time we saw each other we argued about it, and I guess it’s giving him second thoughts about me.”

Camila reached across Lauren to retrieve the liquor bottle and take another gulp, only wincing a little as she underestimated how the amount consumed would burn on the way down.

Lauren had to bite her tongue to the point of almost drawing blood to stop herself from saying something she’d regret. It wasn’t her place to judge someone’s relationship. She hated when it happened to her, and happen it did…almost constantly.

Lauren settled on her first question carefully.

“Are you having second thoughts about him?”

“I’m having second thoughts about everyone I’ve loved and everything I’ve felt,” Camila confessed as she gestured toward the now-scattered collection of notebooks almost forgotten against the sand. “I’m always preaching about love to my fans and how much it has inspired my music and who I claim myself to be. But what if I’m a fraud? Do I have it all wrong? If love is what inspires my music, but being in love is also what’s going to force me to take a break from music, then what am I really doing here?”

A single tear escaped from Camila’s left eye and out of instinct Lauren pulled their bodies together into a hug. Camila could feel herself calming down from the embrace, so she laid her head against Lauren’s shoulder and allowed the contact to continue despite their history and how it should make her wary of sharing physical affection.

“Did you write about me?” Lauren whispered against Camila’s head, although she knew from listening to all of her music that she unmistakeably had.

Camila pulled away from Lauren and bent over to retrieve a bright blue spiral with several doodles and scratches along the cover.

“Almost every day until there was no room left to cram anything else in here,” Camila explained while holding up what they would suspect to be the most condemning item proving there had once been more than friendship between the two of them while they were still band mates.

Lauren looked across the fire, toward the ocean, as she motioned for Camila to put the notebook back down beside them.

“I don’t need to read that to know that everything described in it was real, because I lived it, too. I felt it. All of it. I broke both of our hearts, because I thought it was necessary, and that’s one of the most naive things I’ve ever believed, apart from thinking that signing that goddamned contract after The X Factor without proper representation was a solid idea.”

In the midst of painful memories, Camila still managed to crack a smile at the cheap shot Lauren took at the paperwork that guaranteed the beginning of their careers. It had been a disaster, but it launched them all into a level of spotlight they needed in order to land where they were in present day, despite the hardships.

“I don’t blame you anymore. But you know me…when I close a door, I slam it. So that meant finding a way to forgive and forget even if the wound was still fresh at the time I decided to put it behind me. Now here I am out here preparing to burn all these memories I already put energy into mentally blocking.”

“You didn’t successfully conceal everything, Camz. 'I Have Questions’ wasn’t exactly subtle. I had to block so many accounts after you released that song.”

Camila nodded in understanding as she picked the notebook back up and flipped to the approximate page where she knew some of the original IHQ lyrics could be found.

“The version that got released was tame compared to how it all started.”

Lauren accepted the notebook this time and glanced over the page presented carefully.

She slowly read through one of the rough verses:

“How could you turn your back on me

Leave me helpless when I was already weak

I imagined pictures of our future

As I would lie awake in bed

But they blurred out of focus

as you eagerly erased our past”

“Why didn’t that make the final cut?”

“It alludes to romantic feelings, and the final version was spun so I could play it off like the relationship could have been platonic.”

“Kind of how I spun our relationship to seem platonic?”

“Pretty much exactly like that.”

Lauren continued to read the rest of the page, front and back, silently while Camila got lost in thought.

“I should have asked if you had any memories you wanted to bring and burn,” Camila said, breaking the silence casually.

“You’re not really going to burn this one, are you?”

Lauren looked conflicted at the thought of letting it go, although so far she had only read lyrics to the one song.

“I was going to burn the pages from that one first, actually.”

“Why?”

“You’re engaged. Not only is that door slammed shut, but it should be locked, bolted, and probably guarded by a three-headed dog on the other side,” Camila joked, although her tone didn’t convey that she really felt the humor.

“I was thinking though. If things don’t work out with Matthew, you could safely revisit some of your lyrics about heartbreak, and nobody but you and I would ever be any the wiser that someone else inspired them.”

“It almost sounds like you’d prefer if things didn’t work out with Matthew,” Camila accused with a raised eyebrow.

“That’s not true. The only relationship of yours I’ve ever tried to control was ours, and seeing how poorly I handled that one, I’d never try to interfere with others.”

“To be honest with you, one of the notebooks I brought here does have stuff inspired by him, and I was planning to burn it tonight, too.”

“Well then, the only proper way to handle a break up is with a ton of dessert!” Lauren remarked enthusiastically as she pulled s'mores ingredients out of the bag the Grey Goose had been in earlier.

“If I did get pregnant I could eat as many s'mores as I wanted and nobody would even bat an eyelash,” Camila pondered as she grabbed one of the marshmallow roasting sticks.

Lauren rolled her eyes as she pulled open the box of graham crackers and tore the plastic holding one set of the crackers apart.

“That doesn’t sound like break up talk to me. But leave it to you to consider food as the primary pro of being knocked up.”

“Ugh, I hate when people refer to pregnancy that way. It makes it sound like…scandalous? Or something. We’re adults. The process of growing and birthing a new life is beautiful. We should refer to it in a way that respects women who are becoming mothers.”

“Maybe we should have drank more. You are still way too articulate right now.”

“You used to be able to handle spending time with me sober,” Camila reminded Lauren as she crushed her first marshmallow and chocolate between two graham crackers in delight.

“I also remember that I had many other, effective ways of shutting you up, all of which are off limits now,” Lauren added with a smirk as she completed her own s'more and prepared to take her first bite.

“Watch it, Jauregui. That was suspiciously close to flirting.”

Camila moaned in satisfaction as she finished the last few bites of her s'more, before reaching for another marshmallow.

“Watch it, Cabello. Sounds like that are suspiciously close to teasing.”

Camila took her marshmallow stick away from the fire to jab it toward Lauren’s neck threateningly before returning it to the best part of the fire to get the desired marshmallow texture.

“That could have burned me, you know? And I bet the mark would look pretty similar to a hickey.”

“I guess we’d have to hook up then to not waste the accusations of cheating on false evidence.”

Lauren nearly choked on the piece of chocolate she had begun nibbling on as she waited for her next marshmallow to be melted.

“Camz, you can’t say shit like that. Fuck.”

Lauren unexpectedly picked up the Grey Goose bottle and took two big gulps, clearly seeking to become more intoxicated.

“You’re right. That crossed a line. Ty would definitely take me off the wedding invitation list if he knew I never got over you. If he even knew there was something to get over.”

“He knows. We asked each other about our longest, previous relationship and what we would have done differently to make it last. I started to talk about Lucy at first, but then I realized depending on where you start our time line, we were in love much longer. Just because we hesitated to define the relationship doesn’t mean it shouldn’t have counted.”

“I’m surprised you’re not more freaked out by me still having feelings for you. I’m also curious what your answer was.”

Lauren and Camila laid out beside each other on Camila’s blanket after each having consumed three s'mores, washed down with more vodka. They both felt lighter from the effects of the alcohol, and although it was cooling down quite a bit, they welcomed the breeze as they looked up at the stars.

“Neither of us received closure the way I ended it, Camz. That’s why our feelings aren’t resolved. Just because we’ve moved on and love other people now, too, doesn’t mean that we bumped our heads and forgot what it felt like to be in love with each other.”

“Wow, and Ty knows all this?”

Lauren rolled onto her side facing Camila and kept her head propped up with her elbow.

“Yes. What I told him I would have done differently about our relationship is one of two things. Either I would have come clean about it to everyone and tried to salvage it despite the pressure from management to tone it down, or I would have at the very least attempted to find closure once I knew you were leaving the band instead of shutting you out. Ty knows I’m with you tonight and he isn’t worried about it.”

Camila rolled onto her side opposite Lauren, bringing their bodies much closer to one another.

“He should worry,” Camila admitted as her eyes looked back and forth between Lauren’s eyes and Lauren’s lips.

“Why?”

“You know why,” Camila insisted as she leaned in close enough that Lauren could feel her breath on her cheek.

“Yeah, I know,” Lauren agreed softly as she closed the gap between them and let their lips meet for the first time in more than two years. It started out tentative, but Camila pressed back a little rougher to deepen the kiss and sighed soon after when Lauren pulled back slightly to disconnect their lips and look her in the eyes.

“You and Matthew are on a break for sure, right?”

Camila gave a quick nod in confirmation.

“So there’s no reason to feel guilty for what I’m about to do, right?” Lauren pressed one more time.

Camila reached out her hand to Lauren’s face and stroked her right check with her thumb as she pulled her back in closer. Camila proceeded to address Lauren softly.

“Tonight we’re burning memories. Nothing that happens on this beach will be carried into tomorrow unless we both agree. Don’t worry about whether this begins or ends a chapter for us. Just stay in the moment with me and see where it leads.”

Lauren showed no more hesitation as she closed the gap between them once again and they made a silent pact to let their hearts lead.

AN: I wrote my stress away until 4am and this is the product of that decision. After the longest writer’s block of my life I just needed something to come out. Thank you for reading. [I have also published this on Wattpad]. 

[castellankurze]

FSF: Someone (or multiple someones?) takes a bubble bath.

fanfic for Completely Normal RPG, run by @lordcaliginous.  Also tagging @mystictheurge and @tamsynspeaks as per what is now standard procedure.

Takes place sometime in the month of December.

A Completely Normal Week

Monday

The motorcycle’s engine throbbed as its rider took the final turn into the driveway and slowed to a stop.  Shouko dismounted and unlocked the carport before walking the bike inside, pulling her helmet and hanging it off one of the handlebars.  The interior of the carport was a disaster, with her mom’s car tucked snugly up against the left side where it had accumulated a fine layer of dust while the rest of the available area was full of tools and spare parts.  Some had been left behind by her father, and Shouko had added to the motley collection over the years until the back wall of the carport was hardly accessible, but it wasn’t like they ever used the decorations stored back there.

“Hi mom, I’m home,” she announced as she stepped through the front door, tossing her keys into the nearby basket with a jingle.  The Kogawa household was a snug, two-story place with a pair of bedrooms and a bathroom on the upper level with everything else downstairs, and the only response to the girl’s voice was the slow churning of the ceiling fan she’d left on last night.

Once she’d stripped off her riding leathers, Shouko settled down at the table in the family room to do her homework.  This consisted of a block of time lasting no more than one solid hour, subjects broken up by use of an egg timer.  Over the years she’d gotten pretty good at judging how to mostly finish any given piece of homework in the time allotted, and if she was off, well, partial credit was better than none.  She answered questions as fast as she drove her bike, though with considerably more guesswork.  'You could be an A-rank student if you wanted it,’ more than one of her teachers had groused at her.  Shouko had come up with any number of excuses over time, but by and large as long as she maintained a D most had learned to live and let live.

At the conclusion of her hour, Shouko packed away her school stuff and left it by the door, there to be grabbed tomorrow morning.  That done, she ran upstairs to change her clothes into a set of gym shorts and a plain white shirt, stuffing her earbuds in her ears before heading off to the treadmill.

Most of Shouko’s teachers had guessed at her athletic ability, but those who dismissed the girl as a slacker would have been shocked to see the utter concentration on her face as she sprinted at top speed on her mother’s treadmill, a dumbbell clutched in each hand, stopping only for the occasional drink of water.  There once was a time when she would have been soaked with sweat at the end of the workout, but an hour’s run nowadays was little more than maintenance.

When all was said and done Shouko retired to her bedroom, a cavern of rebellious rock music and video game posters from both Japan and America and a battlestation that looked like something that might have been ripped from a NASA installation.  Shouko spent her stipends on two things: her bike, and her computer.  Lately Saika had been a third, but both longstanding habits were things that that she’d dove into headfirst until she could take apart either and put them both back together blindfolded.

“Oh great, a Genji,” someone complained almost as soon as she’d locked her Overwatch character in.  "Nice match everyone, better luck next time.“  Thirty-nine kills and two deaths later Shouko wished everyone a nice day.  Quickplay was so damn stupid, and on the next match she chose Roadhog just to mix it up.  Someone else whined about multiple tanks and Shouko rolled her eyes.  60% of team damage taken.  It wasn’t her fault nobody else could find the point.

"I’m going back to TF2,” she growled aloud, grabbing for her pack of cigs.  Of late she’d taped a warning to the front in black capital letters: TWO A DAY.  Miyumi always got squirrely when she lit up and Saika always winced.  Since she couldn’t avoid the former and felt bad about the latter she’d been cutting down.  Given her life lately, it wasn’t like she was gonna live long enough to die of cancer.

She showered and collapsed in bed, lit by the soft red glow of her electronics.

Tuesday

The motorcycle thrummed and growled as she cut the engine and stowed it.

“Hi mom, I’m home.”  The keys jingled as they landed in the basket.

An hour for homework.  She finished all of it this time.

Today was arm day, and Shouko spent her workout hour doing curls and lifts while Netflix ran some anime she barely payed attention to.

“Hey Eowyn,” someone said as soon as she logged into FFXIV.  "Can you craft me a thing?“

"Sure.”

Ten mintues later.  "hey are you up for a Castrum Abania run"

“Patch is in like three weeks,” she said with a bit of a sigh in meatspace.

“ya but I really want that sword for glamour plate its ok if you dont wanna go”

“It’s fine I can blow it up with you.”

“thx youre the best blm”

“Hey, Eowyn.”  She blinked.  That last one had been a whisper instead of guild chat.

“What’s up?”

“I just wanted to say, you don’t seem yourself lately,” her guildmaster said.  "Just wanted to check and make sure you’re alright.“

"Yeah I’m good.  Just been super busy with all the schoolwork lately.”

“I know the feeling.  Are you gonna be full-time again in January?”

Shouko frowned.  "I’ll try.“

"Just take care of yourself.  Game comes after real life.”

“:) I will.”

She showered and slept a little fitfully that night.

Wednesday

A series of whispers alerted her to the attention of several classmates glancing her way.  "Hey, Shouko, can you…“ one of them asked with a blush, curling one arm.

With a grin, she pulled up her sleeve and flexed, to a flutter of giggles.  Shouko was never gonna be as strong as Erika, but her daily regimen was having noticeable effects, like leaving her look cut as hell.  She was probably down to 15% body fat by now, looking lean and mean.

"Hey, Shouko?” Saika asked at the end of the day.  "Would you like to do something Saturday?“

"Sure,” she said, hefting her bike helmet and making sure Saika clipped the spare’s chinstrap in place.  "What did you have in mind?“

"Nothing much, just…dinner somewhere?”

Shouko turned the ignition and revved the throttle.  "Sounds great.“

After she dropped Saika off she made for the gym, where she could get the type of workout that wasn’t so easy at home.  Balance beam, rings, parallel bars - it all came back as easily as breathing.  Shouko could spin rings around any of the other girls there.  When she wanted to, she could sprint down the balance beam and leap to the vault and from there catch herself on the rings in a split-second one-two-three move that sometimes provoked gasps from newbies.

As little as three years ago, Shouko had been doing this kind of thing pretty much daily.  She wondered, sometimes, what her old teammates were up to these days.  She didn’t wonder enough to come in on any day but Wednesday, thought sometimes it was extremely tempting to show up jsut to show the lot of them what she could pull off nowadays.  She’d never been a Simone Biles, and probably never would be - in fact now that it crossed her mind she wondered if Simone had had an awakening of her own? - but she could have thrashed the regionals nowadays.  Funny how things worked out.

She swam a few laps in the pool to cool down and showered before heading home.

"Hi mom.”  Jingle.

An hour for homework.

She played a little Mortal Kombat and crushed some jackass who made fun of her tag.

Thursday

The Honda thrummed as she pulled into the drive.

“Hi mom.”  Jingle.

Her phone buzzed while she was doing her homework and she didn’t bother looking up until she was done.

“Hi Shouko, they asked me to visit our office in Melbourne while I’m down here, so I’ll be hopping a plane tomorrow.  I’ll be a few more days.  Have my phone if you need me.  Love you!” read her mom’s text.

Shouko stared at it for a minute and texted back “k lu2

Her feet slapped hard against the treadmill.  She needed to replace the damn thing when nobody was looking.  She was getting to the point where she really needed a higher top speed.

Her Star Wars RPG group canceled again, so instead of playing her Jedi she just spent some more time in CoD blowing holes in people while Fullmetal Alchemist played in the background.

“How are you even watching that,” someone complained in voice chat at one point.

“Listen,” she growled around a cigarette, “don’t hate because Olivier Mira Armstrong has my back.”

He responded with an insinuation that technically wasn’t wrong, but still got him blown to smithereens several times before he finally ragequit.

Shouko stayed up until almost three in the morning before she slumped into bed.

Friday

“A 99.  Excellent as always, Ms. Aratani,” the teacher said as she handed out papers.  Shouko could see the way Miyumi’s lip trembled as she took the proffered test like it was about to bite her hand off.

“87.  Good step up, Shouko,” the teacher said when she reached her.

“Thanks,” she said as she took the paper.

“I mean it,” the woman said, leaning closer.  "When you put your mind to a subject you really show your potential.“

Shouko was silent as the teacher moved on.  "Thanks,” she grumbled under her breath.  The paper crinkled as her hand crushed it.

“Um…excuse me, Kogawa?” the voice caught her as she was walking to her bike.

“Yo?” she said, turning with a blink of her eyes to see a semi-familiar face.  One of the girls who’d been looking at her the other day.

“Do you mind if I ask you for a piece of advice?”

Shouko blinked again.  "Uh?“

"It’s just…you and Saika…”  The girl was blushing hard.  "How did you.  Um?“

Shouko couldn’t help a chuckle, and she pulled out her customary after-school cig and lit it with a snap of flame from her dagger.  The girl didn’t even double-take.  Normal people saw what they expected to see.  Shouko didn’t even bother carrying her lighter anymore.  "Look.  You want my advice?  Just go talk to her,” she said as she straddled her bike and pulled out her favorite wraparound shades.  "Life’s too fucking short and we gotta make time with the people we got before we get left in the dust, you know what I mean?“

"Um…I guess?” the other girl said, rubbing her cheek.

“Trust me.  Jump on it,” she said before she revved the throttle.

“Hi mom.”  Jingle.

She did her homework so fast her handwriting looked like the fevered sprinting of a deranged chicken.

Her fingertips ached with so many push-ups.

She ended up mostly just browsing the net that night and went to bed.

Saturday

She came out of the bathroom that morning to the sound of her phone buzzing insistently.

“Saika?!” she asked sharply, heart racing.

In the little mirror on the opposite wall, she could see the way her own face dropped.

“Oh.  Hi dad.”

She did the math.  It was eight in Hitachinaka, which meant it was ten in Ontario.  PM.

“It’s super late.  You should get some sleep.  The plant won’t want their engineer showing up super tired.  No, not her, I haven’t seen her in months.  Saika’s nice.  Yeah, bike’s running great.  School’s fine.  Mom’s in Australia now, they called her down from Jakarta.  I’m fine.  Dad, I dropped gymnastics like two years ago.  Yeah, tell Karen I said hi.  Maybe in a year.  Yeah.  Bye.  …love you too.”She threw the phone against the pillow and did her daily run outdoors.  It was cold as hell and overcast besides, but sweatpants and a sweatshirt were all she needed with the way her heart was pumping.

She was gone two hours.  When she got back she had a missed call and another text.  Saika.

“Hi Shouko, I’m sorry but I don’t think I can go out tonight.   I think I must have eaten something bad. x.X  I feel like crap.  Call me when you can.”

“Want me to bring over some soup?” she asked when the phone picked up.

“No,” said a mewling voice.  "I just want to curl up under ten blankets.“

"I’m sorry,” Shouko said.

“No, I’m sorry.  I don’t want to leave you hanging.  Promise we’ll make it up, k?”

“You know it.  Get some rest.  L-  …later.”

She looked at herself in the mirror.

The flame daggers hissed as they glanced off Shizuka’s katana.  Shouko was fast, but the Eventide rep was more experienced and fast as hell for her own part.  The open field was about the only place where the pair of them - any of the girls - could really throw down and get a workout in the most important manner.  Dojo masters tended to take it bad if you blew up a wall.

“Your concentration is bad today,” Shizuka observed when they finally broke in the late afternoon.

“Yeah.  Hey, Shizuka, got a question for you,” she said around the butt of a cigarette.  Typical for her, Shizuka didn’t reply verbally, but only raised an eyebrow.  “You ever heard of anyone who stayed friends if one went Eventide and one went Radiant?”

Shizuka glowered.

“Didn’t think so." 

The Honda chugged as she parked it in one of the narrow bike-only, and she didn’t bother taking off her leathers since it wasn’t like she was going mallratting.  She stopped off at the pharmacy and bought some soda, some beer, some chocolate, and some soap.

"Rough day?” the attendant asked in a sympathetic tone.  She barely even glanced at Shouko’s ID.

“Uh huh,” she confirmed.  In the parking lot, she slid the candy bar she’d palmed out of her jacket sleeve and munched it.

Once home, she dumped the soap in the tub and ran hot water until the foam threatened to spill over.  Then she lit a cigarette and slipped in, groaning slightly as it almost scalded her.  She let her phone play American synthwave until the battery ran low and the water was cold and she was prune-fingered.

She looked at the battlestation and threw herself into bed, wrapped around her spare pillow.  The wind blew hard that night.

Sunday

Two hours for homework instead of one.  Weekends.

There was no meeting of the study group this week and so the day was uneventful, except for one instant when she was flipping channels and there was a news report on the ongoing decommissioning of Fukushima which caused her to mash the power button.  Natural disasters were not something she wanted to think about right now.

She ordered pizza and spent the evening playing Brutal Doom and listening to Rage Against the Machine.

Tomorrow was a brand new week.

[chasholidays]

ALTERNATE POV: Is There an IUD That Can Stop the Image of You and Me! (Bellamy!) plz thx it made me so happy

Original fic here!

Before Clarke told him she’d never had sex, Bellamy was going to try to ask her out.

Or, well, that was the plan. But he’ll admit that he didn’t really know how he was going to do that. The lab partners thing wasn’t even a first step, it was a test, to see if his suspicion that he really did like Clarke was accurate. And the more time he spends with her, the more he likes her, and it’s so fucking stupid. The whole thing is just such a mess.

Which is why it seems like such a good idea to ask her if she wants to make out.

She blinks a few times, clearly taken by surprise, but she doesn’t look offended. It’s a great first step to not getting his ass kicked, and ideally getting to hook up with Clarke. And then maybe dating.

“What?” she asks at last.

“We’re done with our lab,” he says, with deliberate casualness. “You’re good on the Latin homework. I’m always good on the Latin homework. I’m pretty sure your paper will keep.” He shrugs, as if all of this leads to a logical conclusion. “So, yeah. Do you want to make out?”

She narrows her eyes. “Why?”

“Because it’s fun?”

“Finn’s the only person I’ve ever made out with,” she admits, and he can’t help making a face. He disliked Finn Collins enough before he knew he was hugely exaggerating his relationship with Clarke. Lying is kind of implied in cheating, but going out of his way to lie about one or probably both of the girls he was cheating on is another level.

But he has better things to think about than that right now.

“Jesus,” he says. “No wonder you don’t think it’s fun.”

“I never said that,” she says. It sounds less like a defense of Finn and more like a defense of making out. Which he’s all for. “I’m just not sure why you’re offering.”

“We’re not doing anything else and I like making out. No big deal either way.”

If she can tell he’s lying through his teeth, she gives no sign of it. Instead she worries her lip, visibly making up her mind, and Bellamy waits, not wanting to pressure her. It really isn’t a big deal if she says no. But he will be pretty excited if she says yes.

“I might not be any good at it,” she finally says, and he feels his face break into a stupid grin.

He crosses the room, sits down next to her on the bed, careful not to spook her, but she doesn’t look upset. “You’ll be fine,” he assures her, and when she smiles, he moves a little closer. “Tell me if you want to stop,” he murmurs, and then he’s kissing her.

Clarke is a little hesitant, her movements unsure, so he goes slowly, getting her used to it. It’s not as if it’s a chore, after all. He gets to take his time, learn what she likes.

And by all appearances, she likes kissing him. When he slides his tongue against her lips, she opens for him, and when he pushes her back, she tugs him on top of her. Her hands slide up his back, under his shirt, and when he tries to shift his rapidly hardening dick away from her, she not only wraps her leg around his to keep him close, she actually tries to pull his shirt off.

He laughs, delight filling his chest and bubbling out of him, inevitable. “Yeah?” he asks.

She frowns, looking kind of adorably put out, and he has to restrain himself from kissing her again. “I’m not sure what I’m agreeing to if I say yes. But I assume there’s a step two to making out.”

He nuzzles he jaw, kisses her neck. If she’s trying to get him shirtless, he assumes he can try some other stuff too. “If you want. Up to you. I know you haven’t done this before.”

“Not for lack of interest.”

“Clearly.” He takes the shirt off, and she definitely checks him out.

It’s a lot to process, so he leans in for another kiss. “Tell me if–actually, just keep checking in. Good or bad.”

She slides her hand into his hair, gives it a light tug, figuring it out. “Good so far.”

“Yeah,” he says, and he’s planning out his next move, sliding his hands up under her shirt, moving closer, testing what she likes, where he should touch her, when her phone rings.

Of course.

He glances at the display, sees Mom and a picture lighting up the iPhone. He didn’t think he’d get laid today, but he thought he’d at least have a little longer to enjoy this.

“Fuck,” says Clarke, with feeling.

Her mother apparently needs her, but when he kisses her goodbye, she doesn’t mind, and when he asks if she’ll be back, she says yes.

All in all, it’s a very successful experiment. He can’t wait to see what happens next.

*

Somehow, he didn’t expect to actually end up having regular sex with Clarke. At best, he thought he’d get to make out with her a little more, maybe get laid, if she was interested in seeing how that was. It didn’t seem impossible, hoping for those things. But he wasn’t really very optimistic.

But Clarke seems to like him. Or at least she likes hooking up with him, and he thinks she likes him beyond that. They chat and joke around, and she smiles at him and teases him and even hangs out with him sometimes at school, outside of class, like they’re friends.

He wants them to be friends. He wants them to be so much more than that.

“Have you considered telling her that?” Miller asks. He’s finally ready to try dating again after he and Bryan broke up over the summer, so he’s dragging Bellamy to some party that he is really not looking forward to.

“I was going to ask her to come tonight, but her mom’s dragging her to a thing,” he says. “Does that count?”

“Not really. You can say you were going to ask her, but that doesn’t mean you would have followed through. I’m thinking if she didn’t have plans, you would have come up with another reason to not invite her.”

“I probably would have just tried to play it off like I was asking her as a friend,” he grants. “But we definitely would have made out, so–that’s progress, right?”

“Clearly,” says Miller. “I guess it is pretty impressive that you actually managed to get her to fuck you.”

“It wasn’t even that hard. Clarke Griffin’s into casual sex, who knew?”

There’s a long pause, and when Bellamy finally looks over, Miller exhales. “Honestly, dude? I can’t believe she is. That really doesn’t seem like her. So if she’s fucking you, it’s probably serious. You should talk to her.”

He swallows hard. “Wait, is this heartfelt advice from a friend? Are you sick?”

“I’m just saying, I’ve never seen you this happy. Think about how great it would be if you actually knew what was happening.”

“That does sound cool,” he admits.

“I’m saying.”

“As teenage boys, isn’t sex supposed to be our top priority?” he teases.

“Hey, fuck you, it’s still mine. You’re the one who grew feelings.”

Bellamy sighs. “Yeah. That’s me.”

*

The party kind of sucks.

It’s not really a surprise; Bellamy’s never been great at parties, because he’s just a little too responsible. He’s too busy worrying about how everyone else is doing to really have that much fun himself, and when he’s looking for a hookup he has to find someone else who’s doing the same thing.

Clarke would definitely be great for that; he has it so bad.

Miller finds some science club guy he’s been pretending he’s not flirting with fairly early on in the evening, which means Bellamy is relieved of his duties as wingman and moral support provider. It’s both convenient and a little annoying, since he doesn’t actually have anything else to do, but if he leaves, he’ll never hear the end of it from the rest of the track team.

So he’s not going to say he’s happy Niylah gets completely shitfaced, because that sucks for her, but at least he has a good reason to leave and someone to look after.

Harper is the one who finds him. “Are you sober? Miller said you were his DD.” She pauses. “Then he, like, made fake boobs on his chest and started cracking up so I’m not convinced he knows what’s going on.”

Bellamy frowns. “He’s that wasted? Is he okay? Where is he?”

She rolls her eyes. “Okay, yeah, you’re sober. I’m going to be good to drive home but I can’t yet, and Niylah needs to leave. Can you take her home?”

“You’ll get Miller?”

“Yes, Mom, I’ll get Miller. I’m not drinking anymore.”

“Okay, cool. Thanks.”

She just smiles. “How does no one realize you’re like this?”

“I work very hard on my image. Where is she?”

Between him and Harper, they get Niylah in the car, and he says goodbye to a semi-coherent but cheerful Miller.

Pretty standard, as parties go.

“What happened?” he asks Niylah, once they’re on the road. The two of them aren’t particularly close, but they’ve had a few classes together over the years. He’s positively inclined to her.

“I got drunk.”

“Clearly. Any particular reason?”

She huffs. “I got dumped.”

“Shit. That sucks.”

“It happens.”

“Did she say why?”

“Not clicking, whatever.” She makes a face. “Do you have a girlfriend? Boyfriend? You’re friends with Miller, but you guys aren’t together, right?”

“No.” He clears his throat, shifts a little, thinking of Clarke. Like he’s not basically always thinking of Clarke. “No boyfriend. Not really a girlfriend.”

“Not really?”

“Not how I want.”

She’s quiet for a second. “Clarke, right?”

He groans. “That obvious?”

“You guys are hanging out more. And she’s hot.” She sighs. “Straight?”

“Into guys,” he says. “Not sure about anything else.”

“No offense, but I hope she’s bi.”

“None taken. I hope she’s bi too.”

“And I hope it works out for you.”

“Yeah. That too.”

*

By Tuesday, it’s not looking good. He’s not sure what happened, but Clarke is clearly mad, possibly at him. Even though they don’t spend a ton of time together at school, it tends to be friendlier than this. She’s short with him, offering monosyllabic responses to his questions, focusing only on schoolwork. It’s disconcerting not only because she’s so curt but because he hadn’t quite realized until then how far they’d come, how much he had to lose. But they’re not even back at square one; they’re at some earlier place, without the barbed teasing they had before, without anything.

It sucks.

He tries to pull her aside on Wednesday and talk to her, but she says she’s got something to do and brushes him off.

“I don’t know what the fuck I even could have done,” he tells Miller, with his face down on the lunch table. “We were cool on Saturday. Now I can’t even get her to talk to me. Fuck.”

Miller pets him. “Maybe she’s just in a shitty mood and it has nothing to do with you.”

“Yeah. That doesn’t help. I want her to talk to me when stuff sucks. I want to be there for her.”

“Yeah, I know. But you guys might not be there yet. Especially if she thinks you’re just fucking.”

“Yeah.” He sighs. “I guess I’ll find out on Saturday, if nothing else. If she shows up.”

“Try not to be too much of an asshole. Benefit of the doubt.”

It’s good advice, but by the time Saturday rolls around, he’s basically a grumpy asshole about everything. Even leaving aside the Clarke stuff, it’s been a long, stressful week, and he’s in no mood to deal with anything.

He’s not even sure Clarke’s going to show up. That sucks a lot too.

When she does, he’ll admit to not being in the best mood with her. He couldn’t bring himself to text her and ask if she was coming, so instead he was just sitting on his couch, feeling sorry for himself and knowing he had no one else to blame. Not even her.

Still, she could have fucking called.

“I didn’t think you were going to come,” he tells her, by way of greeting.

Her jaw is tight, like she’s waiting for him to throw a punch. “We have a lab to do.”

“Yeah, but that might involve you saying more than ten words to me.”

It’s unfair, and he knows it; he still doesn’t even know if she’s pissed at him. So he can’t even feel triumphant when she flinches.

At least she recovers quickly. “Yeah, but not more than twenty. You’re getting a lot better at bio,” she teases, but he’s not in the mood. “I had a shitty week,” she finally says, deflating. “I’m sorry I took it out on you.”

His determination flags. “You could have talked to me.”

“Could I?” The question is harsher than he’d expect, and it clicks all at once. She doesn’t think they’re friends either.

“Jesus,” he says. “Yes, of course. I don’t ask how you’re doing to be polite. You know I’m not polite. What’s wrong?”

She shrugs. “Just stressed.”

“You want to make out? I know we usually do homework first, but–”

He really was just trying to help her, but the stab of disappointment when she says,“No,” is still sharp and hot. “I think we maybe shouldn’t–” She clears her throat. “We shouldn’t do that any more.”

That’s even worse. “No?”

“It’s a bad idea.”

His first impulse is to argue, to tell her–he doesn’t even know what. That it’s fine, that it’s good, that he thinks he’s falling for her. None of them are helpful, and none of them are reasons this isn’t a bad idea. Most of them are reasons it was a bad idea to ever start. “If you’re sure.” He nods, mostly to himself. “Yeah. We could do something else? To de-stress. Watch a movie, or–”

Her smile is a little weak, but it looks real. “It’s fine, Bellamy. Just homework is good.”

“Okay. If there’s anything I can do–”

“I’ll tell you,” she assures him, and he lets it go. She’s got her own issues, her own life, and she doesn’t want him to be involved in that. Maybe someone found out about them, and she got cold feet. Maybe she realized this isn’t normal, or isn’t what she wants from him.

Maybe he’s a self-centered jackass and she doesn’t need a reason to not fuck him.

He drags his feet a little on the lab, but it still doesn’t take long. They’re a great team. Usually, it’s not a bad thing; it just means they have more time to make out. But now, he’s worried she’s just going to leave, and he’ll have an afternoon alone, wondering if he fucked this up and whether or not he could have done something differently.

He’s about to ask what she’s doing when she stands and makes a show of stretching. “I assume you’ve got a party tonight?”

He frowns, confused. He almost never goes to parties these days. “No. I don’t have any plans. Why would I be going to a party?”

“You like parties.”

“Yeah, no. I really don’t. I don’t hate them or anything, but–I’d rather just be at home, most days.”

“I heard you had fun last week,” she says, in a vaguely accusatory tone, and it’s about the most confusing possible outcome to this. Of all the things she could be angry about, his going to that stupid party had never even occurred to him.

Honestly, he didn’t think she cared. He’s still not sure why she would. It’s not like he wasn’t planning to invite her, before he found out she was busy.

“Are you pissed I went to a party last weekend? Did you want to come? You said you had plans, Miller needed a wingman. That’s not–” He’s not even sure why he’s making excuses; he didn’t do anything wrong. But she clearly thinks he did.

“I’m not pissed,” she says. It is a complete and obvious lie. “I just misunderstood.”

“Misunderstood what?”

She looks away from him, biting her lip. She seems tiny and overwhelmed in that moment, and all he wants to do is pull her close.

“It’s nothing,” she says.

“Clarke. You’re pissed at me. You can at least tell me why. I wasn’t even trying,” he teases, but she doesn’t smile.

“I know. I heard Murphy and Mbege talking. About how you finally took a girl home again.” Her eyes dart away from him again, and her cheeks color. “Apparently you were going through a dry spot.”

The only possible explanation occurs to him, and he lets out a bark of involuntary laughter. She’s jealous. She heard he brought another girl home, and she’s been jealous about it all week. It would be a lot funnier if it hadn’t sucked for both of them, but–it’s kind of awesome, still. “You’re pissed that I took someone home?” he asks. “Or that I wasn’t telling Murphy and Mbege I was actually getting laid?”

Her scowl deepens. “I’m not pissed. Just–I thought you got sufficiently laid already. That’s all.”

“That’s all?”

He’s too excited to be properly somber, and he can see the hurt flash in her eyes. “Sorry you disapprove of my emotions. I can leave.”

“No! It’s not–” He huffs, gives her a rueful smile. “I gave Niylah a ride home. That’s it. I didn’t get laid, I wasn’t trying to get laid, I’m not looking for–fuck, I’ve got you,” he says, trying to pour everything into that single word. She’s what he wants. She’s completely and totally all he needs. “Or I did,” he amends. “I was working on it.”

“Niylah,” she says, flat.

“She and Caroline broke up, she got way too drunk, I took her home. It’s not really funny, just–I can’t believe that’s what got back to you. And that you’re upset about it.”

“That would be a lot of sex in a day,” she says, tone light.

He swallows hard, steps in closer but doesn’t let himself reach out yet. “Yeah. I’m not interested in anyone else. Not for a while. Just you.”

She still doesn’t look quiet convinced. “And you decided the best way to deal with that was to ask if I wanted to make out?”

“If you didn’t, I figured I didn’t have much of a shot. And then I could work up to, uh. Dates.” His courage falters. Maybe he was reading the whole situation wrong. “Or whatever. If you’re–”

She grabs the front of his shirt and pulls him down to her, his mouth landing off-center because he wasn’t quite expecting it. But the kiss is firm and sure, hard until he tempers it, tries to make this one different, to show her what he really wants.

And it seems to work, because she melts into it, smiling into it, and it still doesn’t feel totally real, after the week he’s had.

But he’ll probably have time to get used to it.

“Hey, do you want to not have sex with me?” he asks against her lips.

In his defense, it sounded more romantic in his head.

She looks distressed. “Not have sex?”

“Okay, not yet,” he laughs. “But, uh–nothing against sex, I just want to do more with you.”

She nuzzles his jaw, all warm affection. “Boyfriend stuff?”

“If you’re into that.”

“You’re not usually this nervous,” she says, clearly pleased.

“Not usually, no. We could watch a movie.”

“Yeah.” She leans in for another kiss. “And then homework. And sex.”

“Yeah,” he says. “I can live with that.”

They settle onto the couch, which is a new location for them, and Clarke snuggles up against his chest, settling in like she’s not planning to move until someone forces her to.

“Did you actually ask to be my lab partner as part of a long-term plan to seduce me?” she asks, as he navigates Netflix.

“Uh. No?”

She pokes him. “You totally did.”

“I didn’t. I, uh–the seducing you was a late addition.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I wanted to ask you out. Seducing you just seemed easier.”

“Oh my god. Seriously, Bellamy?”

“What?”

She’s grinning. “You decided it would be easier to ask me to make out than to ask me to go on a date?”

“Less risky,” he admits, and her smile softens.

“I wish you’d just asked me in the first place.”

He considers. “Would you had said yes?”

“Absolutely.” She settles back against him. “But–you got there.”

He kisses her hair. “Yeah. Somehow.”

[candilnad]

Questions Tag

Tagged by @a-scene-without-you (thx bae) THE LAST drink: water (stay hydrated!!!) phone call: my grandma, earlier this afternoon. text message: "honestly SAME" song you listened to: Where You Are from Moana (I love it sm) time you cried: about an hour ago, while watching Hidden Figures. HAVE YOU EVER dated someone twice: nope kissed someone and regretted it: never kissed anyone so nope been cheated on: probably, during an online relationship like 5 years ago lost someone special: Yeah :/ been depressed: yep gotten drunk and thrown up: nopeee 3 FAVORITE COLORS Lavender Pastel pink Fiery red IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU made new friends: Yep!!! 💕 fallen out of love: Nope, since I wasn't in love in the first place. laughed until you cried: Many, many times. found out someone was talking about you: no? met someone who changed you: Yes! found out who your friends are: Yep, lost a few. Always drop toxic relationships in your life! kissed someone on your Facebook list: no for 2 reasons; 1, no Facebook, and 2, never been kissed. GENERAL how many Facebook friends do you know in real life: Don't have one. do you have any pets: no :/ but I want one (or 3) do you want to change your name: nah, I've grown to love my name. what did you do for your last birthday: went to see Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. (Fantastic film) what time did you wake up: 7:50am (ugh) what were you doing at midnight last night: wasting my life on here. name something you can’t wait for: my upcoming Walt Disney World trip!! (32 days!!) when was the last time you saw your mom: around an hour ago what are you listening to right now: Red Light by f(x) have you ever talked to a person named tom: yep, an old man, deaf, p loud but tells the best stories. something that is getting on your nerves: nothing atm most visited website: Youtube, Tumblr hair color: medium brown. long or short hair: short short short do you have a crush on someone: nah, no time for that. what do you like about yourself: my fashion sense lmao, my (bad) puns, my smile I guess blood type: No idea, honestly. nickname: Can, Di (oh who am I kidding, no one calls me that), nerp, loser (affectionately) relationship status: single af and pretty sure I'm loving it. zodiac: Capricorn ♑️ pronouns: her/she, but I'm fine with anything tbh favorite tv show: Friends tattoos: none yet, but I want a lot. right or left handed: Right. surgery: never had any yet. sport: I don’t like sports, except for soccer (football), i get rly into it. vacation: probably the last one I had with my granddad. pair of shoes: I love my red converse (and my teal pair), but recently I've been wearing white wedges bc of the season. MORE GENERAL eating: nothing atm drinking: water I’m about to: text back my friends waiting for: since I already said Disney, imma go with my upcoming Lady Gaga concert (YEET) want: a really cute dress (but it's too expensive, sob sob) get married: if I find the right person (lol yeah right), yeah, maybe: career: Baker all the way, I'm gonna be as good as I can be. WHICH IS BETTER hugs or kisses: both lips or eyes: both tbh shorter or taller: I'm short so I'd prefer to be taller, so taller. older or younger: idk, older bc yeah adulthood, but younger bc no responsibilities. nice arms or nice stomach: I could care less about either tbvh. hook up or relationship: relationship. troublemaker or hesitant: neither HAVE YOU EVER kissed a stranger: nope drank hard liquor: sorta???? lost glasses/contact lenses: around the house but that's it so far. turned someone down: yep sex on the first date: I mean..idk, it depends. broken someone’s heart: I believe I did once.. had your heart broken: yeah been arrested: never cried when someone died: yes, doesn't matter if it was a relative or celebrity. fallen for a friend: ..yeah.. DO YOU BELIEVE IN yourself: Most of the time. love at first sight: oh, of course. santa clause: I'm santa clause kiss on the first date: it depends, but probably yeah angels: I guess??? OTHER eye color: hazel favorite movie: I have 3 actually: The Great Gastby (2013), The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and Saving Mr. Banks. Tagging: @kyuhuyn, @haeheenim, @vixxtastic90, @asianpoprockstar, @yellowsweater-wonwoo, @soonvt, @boo-seungqueen, @jy0ngs, and whoever else wants to do it!

[the-cryptographer]

My tiny yugioh shrine - before and after pics. The Jounouchi figure still up top, holding a chain and ready to shank you with a scapegoat~ But I thought I’d zoom in so we could see my BEAUTIFUL NEW ISHTAR SIBS CLEARFILE INSTEAD~

I thought my shrine was getting a little too shippy. And especially a little too shippy in the absence of Mai. WHERE IS ALL THE KUJAKU MAI MERCHANDISE?! i need it pls, thx. But, anyhow~ I bought the Ishtar clearfile off of auction. And I thought it might be an old one, but on the back is actually a logo for the 20th anniversary of ygo, last year in 2016. And they weren’t even really in the movie, so now I’m wondering maybe there is also the chance of some recent Mai merchandise out there, hmm, so she will properly be represented in my collection >3>

But yeah, this is just by the exit to my room so i can stop by before i leave for the day and, offer coins or pieces of fruit or whatever and pray at my card game based alter, and maybe then Jounouchi’s good luck will rub off on me a little~

...

And there’s also a gore version of the shrine, but I usually keep that picture in the back so visitors don’t think i’m a creep. i guess i’ll put this picture in the front if i ever decide to host ritualistic demon summonings in my room or smthn~

(Both prints are from toxicosis by the way.)

Doujinshi are in another location. And I was only going to talk about my stupid ygo bookshelf shrine thing today, but then my doujin shipment came in and I decided FUCK IT i will brag about my crippling lack of impulse control cool swag all at once if i want to... Under the cut-

@battymarionette

If you remember this one~

tdah~ Basically it seems like a Kaiba Corp has put out a game, some kind of ridiculous fantasy RPG where Atem is some kind of Ron the Death Eater villain and Jou may or may not be the princess or smthn. And Mokuba invites Jounouchi over to play it or playtest it or something of that nature. Which seems like as good a premise as any for this kind of thing. And it’s got all the cute platonic Joukuba vibes which is a plus~

But yeah, Jounouchi goes over to Mokuba’s place, has some kind of fight with Seto, and some kind of conversation with Atem, and Mokuba’s kind of confused or upset about something, and then Jou gets all cute and announces that he and Kaiba are dating~ which i’m pretty sure Seto didn’t want Mokuba knowing about or whatever~

But, see, now I’m making this doujin sound sweet when, to be really blunt, i didn’t like it. At some point Seto slaps Jounouchi across the face for something.

I guess I shouldn’t pass judgement when I can’t even read the moon runes that explain why this has happened, but- no. (I’m trying to articulate. It’s not that I think Jou and Seto are incapable of being violent with one another (jfc how hypocritical would it be of me) but there’s something about the whys and the hows~? in my mind, Seto doesn’t gets hands on with that kind of thing unless it’s landing a measured martial arts blow in self defense, or lashing out from a place of extreme vulnerability - the kind that involves him being five seconds away from curling up in a ball of self-protection. So... Seto being collected and composed and instigating violence on Jounouchi’s triggers all my ‘no’ responses. And I also doubt Jounouchi would take that kind of thing without complaint, unless he was actually raving or spiraling and it was, like, a calm-the-fuck-down slap. I think he would definitely retaliate with shouting and intimidation, if not a physical blow. With Jounouchi it’s a little harder for me to define what would prompt physical violence, partly because i think his idea of what violence is is narrower than mine, and doesn’t include things like grabbing somebody’s jacket collar and shaking them around. But, hmm, I think by the time he’s through canon he doesn’t exactly break out the fistcuffs lightly.)

The point was that this doujin made it to the top of my shit list very fast. And I was concerned because, see, I had been avoiding buying KaiJou (in that order) doujins because most of them kind of do this thing to me and completely miss the glass cannon type of volatile fragility I see as being kind of central to Kaiba’s character. But then I caved and ordered a whole bunch. But, actually, I was pleasantly surprised by the other couple of ones I bought, so maybe the curse has finally lifted~ I liked this one in particular-

But, tbh, it also knew the way into my heart~

The way into my heart is Wheeler siblings :x

@rainstormcolors

First of all, I got POLARIS and it was good!

I don’t know what to share about it other than that because it was mostly porn. But I felt like it was kind of sweet and sentimental and Kaiba and Atem going on silly dates at the beginning with gorgeous background details. Also they sit on the throne together at the end and look very in love teehee~

But, yes, thank you for reccing~ I enjoyed a lot~!

BUT- !!! More importantly this finally came in the mail!

To answer your question, it’s a normal rivalshipping anthology. 112 pages, comics and fic~ Exciting things happen like Yuugi and Kaiba playing twister~

And in another story they’re out travelling and having punishment games of some sort and Yuugi gets a beard painted on his face~

AND HIS MOM OMG!! I love when odd characters cameo in my doujins. I think you can tell~

But, no, I lied- I addition to the anthology I got all this other stuff too~

I don’t know. There’s a set of tiny playing cards you have to disentangle. Some have exciting images.

Notably Jounouchi and Atem are the jokers, heh~

I still haven’t checked out the CD. This is a very rushed post where I don’t attempt to read things carefully or any of that~ But it comes with a manual with a bunch of character avatars - lots of expressions for Yuugi and Kaiba, as well as one avatar each for Jou, Anzu, baby Seto, Kisara, and BEWD. So I think it may be a visual novel of sorts. Undetermined~

So now you’ll know what you’re getting if you decide to order, in theory at least. I’m not sure because I bought this off the author’s BOOTH, so idk if the extra merchandise is limited in any manner or if toranoana only sends part of it(?)

ugh, let’s see.

I also got another anthology- a Yuugi-centric one.

It’s mostly rivalshipping, which I’d expect. rivalshipping is really popular in the jp fandom. but, tbh, i enjoyed the more odd ships more-

Like Juudai/Manjoume/Yuugi... Kaiba walks in on the Kohais basically crushing yuugi with love after this it’s so cute~

And Otogi/Yuugi. Ah~ I love the DDM chapters in the manga and how softly Otogi warms up to Yuugi~

A Duel Monsters themed art book I spent too much on~ I’m ashamed to say I don’t recognise a whole lot of the cards

but you’ll recognise Yubel, perhaps~

or the lady that Y!Bakura crossdresses as ;)

and there were quite a few dark magician girls and blue eyeses.

from another illustration book~

and i found a couple of apprenticeshipping doujins on BOOTH, but none of them wow-ed me really~

although I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how Mana inherited the Ring in manga canon. I feel like there are things to consider here. This picture struck me as a result.

Alright~ And now for my favourites~

OMG! A WHOLE DOUJIN ABOUT MALIK AND HIS SIBLINGS!!! I think this one was a predictable fave. I loved it so, sooo much. I was absolutely filled with quality Malik and Rishid moments.

EVERYONE IS SO CUTE!!

Malik and Rishid go biking and run into Mai which is very !!!

There are vacation photographs~

It looks like Malik tries to feed Ra a revival slime and gets eaten himself. I don’t know. But it was good. I’m so happy~ Ishtar family doujins. My life is complete. not really. i can’t die until i finish my fics.

Okay, but my other fave I didn’t see coming at all.

I don’t ship this! I shouted into the void. But nobody really believed her, not even herself. It’s too late for me. I’m just multiship trash. I will ship anything you put in front of me...

Okay, but the real reason I decided to get this was because of this preview panel. Of course I knew it was puzzlleship. But actually I love Mana and vaseshipping for reals. And this was so cute and the art was so pretty I thought- We might as well check the rest of it out~ (the idea of top!Yuugi didn’t hurt either...)

And then jackels happened~ And this kind of ethereal magic stuff~

There was some confusion I think with the cultural imagery in the doujin. Some of it looked vaguely Indic to my untrained eye but- I don’t know what to say, the art was so gorgeous and detailed.

And the smut was all facials and frot so obviously the doujin artist has my gd number, smh.

And Jou appeared near the end, looking amazing, and Jou is automatically about +50 points for any doujin.

I don’t know what to say. Very nice. Would recommend.

Also- just fyi- I do buy doujins for things that aren’t ygo. pls forgive my focus on my ygo obsession tho.

I’m really glad I stumbled across this in the hetalia tag~

And there’s a picture of Tifa being so bad at games at the golden saucer that Nanaki, who doesn’t even have opposable thumbs, can defeat her in PvP. Beautiful~

[fancycollectionfury-blog1]

Rexford Montana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 59930

"Rexford Montana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 59930

Rexford Montana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 59930

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Rexford Montana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 59930

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If you have been banned for a year, and are now back and allowed legally to drive, can you continue to use/put down your no claims bonus. For example, if you had 9 years, then were banned for a year, can you put the 9 down this year? Or does the ban wipe that out? As the ban wasn't a claim on the insurance, can it still be used? Does anyone know, or any ideas where I could check this out? Looking for quotes online and Im not sure which number to put in.""

Does my insurance rate go up for next year?

I got a citation for an infraction recently. I was sober and I drove my friend back onto campus. There were two stop signs at night and I did not see any lights so I thought no car was there and I passed right through the stop signs. When I parked a police officer came by and wrote me a citation so now I have to show up to court. I was wondering if my insurance rate goes up for this and if so, by how much? My insurance company is AAA.""

Rexford Montana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 59930

Rexford Montana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 59930

Insurance Rate for a ZX6R !?

anyone know how much insurance would roughly be for a 17 year old 2007 ZX6R Motorcycle Course Completed In Ontario Thanks!!!

Can I add my girlfriend to my health insurance if we live together?

Some states allow benefits for partners. Is this the same? I am insured by Humana (Open Choice PPO)

If a have a named Driver on my car insurance will it make a any Difference in price?

If a have a named Driver on my car insurance will it make a any Difference in price?

Why is driving without insurance wrong?

if you are responsible for an accident, can't you still be made to pay up by law?""

What are some cheap car insurance companies for me?

I know the General offers really low rates, but what other companies offered in Louisiana are cheap?""

""Car insurance for young male drivers, its cheaper to drive without it and pay the fines!?""

I really dont get it, car insurance on a 2000 plate 1litre yaris is over 10,000 - YES 10K! I do live in manchester, which is the most costly post code to get insured in but 10k is just a joke for a 18year old. Ive done it all correct too putting 1000 annual milage e.t.c So ive read online about how much people are fined when they are found driving without insurance and its about 200 on average. I know it can go upto 5000 but thats still cheaper than shelling out for insurance and your chances of getting caught arnt really high the way i would do it. Get a car, insure my dad on the car so it doesnt flag up on the police cameras when you drive past, drive to and from work only, and say the car is parked at work (nice postcode to get insurance cheaper) over night. which i can say it is my brother takes it on his night shift there. And if i do get caught i will say i took it without owners concent. TWOC the police call it. I just cant get it into my head at why the government dont do anything about insurance it kind of pushes people into breaking the law. And i would use public transport IF it didnt take me 4hours to get to and from work a day! ""

I'm pregnant. Can I use my boyfriends insurance?

I am only 6 weeks pregnant and we aren't married yet. I was wondering if there was a way I can use my boyfriends insurance (Kaiser) for doctor visits and child birth. I have heard that we may have to add me on his as a domestic partner, is this right? And does Kaiser add domestic partners on a members plan? Any advice would help.""

Do parking tickets make your insurance go up?

i just got one last night for $40. guess i didn't have a permit to park on that street during those hours. i have state farm auto insurance. i'll pay it right away, but will it raise my insurance rate?""

What will happen when I lose my insurance?

I'm 19 years old, and i'm currently receiving my dads insurance. He is on blue cross blue shield, and I can use his insurance until i'm 26 as long as i'm in college. Well...I'm moving in June and I will be taking a break from college. I'll also be moving out of state in which case I have no clue if the insurance will cover me there. I haven't done jack squat with signing up for my own insurance because I also have a health care card through the state. When I move and I lose my insurance how do I go about signing up for new insurance? I'm planning to get insurance through an employer and sign up once I finish my first 3 months. I don't mind being without insurance for a few months because i'm getting all of my health care/vision/dental done right now. I heard that the Affordable Care Act has deadlines and that you won't be able to sign up for a plan until 2015? Also does that mean I'll be fined for no longer having insurance? I'm so confused.""

What are 3 reasons why insurance rates are higher for driver's under the age of 25?

What are 3 reasons why insurance rates are higher for driver's under the age of 25?

Why Is my car insurance so expensive?

I'm just trying to find a good quote for the renewal of my car insurance, due in November 10. The cheapest I can get for a THIRD PARTY FIRE & THEFT only is 800!!!! for the following circumstances: Driver: male 32 yo, EU national living in the UK since 2003.Home owner. No convictions or anything like that. Full UK licence that I got converted in 2005, though I had held a full EU licence for 9 years before that. In full employment. The car: 1998 R reg For Fiesta LX 1.8 Diesel. 3 doors hatchback. Kept in a secure (bollards) street at home during the night and in the company's hyper secure car park during the day. Miles per year: up to 9000. With factory fitted immobiliser plus a anti theft wheel lock. The postcode is not the best, but it can't be the reason for it being so expensive, because my neighbours pay something ridiculous, like 30 or 40 per month for a fully comp policy, and also, because it's not a fully comp policy that I'm after and the car is so cheap (600) that it wouldn't make sense. I'm even ready to go for a third party only, but it turns out even more expensive in the searches... I've even tried with other cars with smaller engines thinking that maybe replacing the car would help... I'm really confused, and that famous website is not helping at all. Hopefully somebody can shed some light on where the problem is. It'd be so very much appreciated...""

Has the law changed with car insurance for additional drivers?

Today I was looking at car insurance quotes & it seems that it costs the same to be an additional driver on somebody Else's car as it is to be a main driver on your own car. I got a quote to be an additional driver on my mothers car she currently pays 850 per year on her car and to get me also insured on her car it will cost 4.700 a year. It will cost me 3,995 a year on my own 1.0l corsa (main driver). My mothers car is a VW polo 1.4. I think the reason for the law change is because of a lot of parents are fronting for their children to make it a lot cheaper which I believe is called fronting.""

How does insurance work?

How does insurance work? like im really not sure.. do you pay into it every month?

Cheapest car insurance south australia?

what is and the price, for the cheapest car insurance places in south australia for a japanese import car with a turbo for a p plater, 16 years old, nealry 17? thanks""

Is my car insurance to high for a new driver(28years old)?

My fiancee added me under his car insurance, and iam being charged $145 a month. Iam a new driver, i just got my liscence last April. Is this Expensive for a new driver? How long will it take for the price to go down?""

What model Acura Integra is the best for customization and performance?

What model Acura Integra is the best for customization and performance And based on your answer what would insurance be (16 yrs old) and how much is the car itself.

Can I add a person to my insurance if i dont own the car?

Okay, my live in boyfriend just got a car and is leasing it through an auto dealer, and making payments. The car is in his name. I would like to know if he can be added to my insurance policy? Does the car have to be in my name to be on my insurance policy?""

What is the cheapest insurance for a teenager?

I'm currently 18 looking for the cheapest possible insurance on my car

What happens after you buy car insurance online?

Just curious as I'm planning on buying a years insurance for the first time in my life (I'm 17) from the post office website. Either that or could I pay at my local post office branch? I'm so close to getting my own car and then insuring it seems so simple that every time I think of it I start to physically shake!!! Thanks!

""What is a good but cheap body shop around the riverside, CA area which will work on an nissan altima?

i wont use insurance on it so it must be very affordable. theres alot oof scratches

Is $111 a month a lot for health insurance in cleveland?

http://kaiserfamilyfoundation.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/early-look-at-premiums-and-participation-in-marketplaces.pdf?vm=r

Car insurance on car i want to sell?

I am trying to sell my car because my uncle left me his old truck and I don't need two vehicles. Since I don't want to have insurance on both cars, is there a way for me to just have insurance on the car only when it is test driven by someone interested in buying it?""

Can you get car insurance scams? 80 insurance?

im 20 years old and looking for car insurance for the first time on my first car. I have a friend who knows someone working at diamond who has quoted me a really cheap amount for both me and my brother. it comes to 994 a year for me and my brother both and a monthly payment of 80, however he is asking for a personal fee of 650 for doing it so cheap. is this trust worthy? im so baffled please help!""

Car insurance help?

i live in northern california and moving to southern california this summer or fall for school. my car insurance is titled under my parents. do i need to tell insurance company( i have liberty mutual) that i'm moving to so cal? because southern california car insurance is really expensive and i dont' know if my parents can afford it. plus, i'll probably go back and forth whenever i'm on break ( thanksgiving, christmas... ) any advise please?""

Car insurance bait and switch?

I admit I have a not so favorable driving record. The company I was with had elected to discontinue my coverage, leaving me to shop around. After calling every company I could think of, I got all extremely high, but understandable quotes. My last call was to a insurance broker . I know not the best route, but left with no other choice. The company got me a quote. . After I signed all paperwork and agreed to the deductions, I called the company just to verify all the information. All was said and fine. A week later they call to tell me the premium was significantly increased due to my record. While I understand, can they really tell me one thing first, have me agree and sign, then change it up like that? I had specifically asked if my record was already pulled and all my info was correct and they said yes.""

Rexford Montana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 59930

Rexford Montana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 59930

Auto Insurance & Road Service Question?

Hi there, Thank you in advance for helping out! I want to know your advice and recommendation on which company to receive my auto insurance/road service from, and what sort of coverage is recommended. I have been with AAA my whole life because my father advocates highly for them so I have trusted his judgment and experience. But I think they may be ripping me off. I am a 27 year old single female with a good driving record (last accident was back in spring 2005 I believe). Yet, every single year they seem to increase my monthly payment by ~$10 and now I'm paying $118.25/month! Are they that superior a company that it is worth paying this and should I try to negotiate with them, or is it worth looking into some other companies such as Geico, State Farm, Progressive, etc. Ive been receiving invites from them for years and Liberty Mutual supposedly has some college alumni offer for me and claim to be ~$340 cheaper than 21st Century, Allstate, and Mercurybut I never trust ads anymore. I only believe concrete statistical comparison data. Also, my dad said road service is completely separate from auto insurance (although AAA handles both) and I pay $52/year to be part of his joint plan as a AAA Plus Dues - Associate. He said he believes this covers 6 visits/year, 100 miles, is the most basic plan, and he only got it because hes been with AAA for 30 years. Could I get a better deal elsewhere or is this fair enough to stick with? At the end of the day, I want decent coverage for the best price available. Im saving for a down payment on a home and have to scrape pennies from anywhere I can, but still do not want to be stranded at the time of an accident. I got some quotes online that were considerably cheaper, but if Im going to be screwed, then are the savings worthwhile? ============================================= As needed, here are details on my car and policy (please tell me which are unnecessary or should be edited): - Honda 2008 Civic LX 4-door sedan - Miles commute USED to be 50 miles one way ~3 days a week, but now I work from home every single day; Notes in Policy say: Prior and Future Annual Mi: 8,000 (22mi per day, so I wonder if they even counted my prior commute in this). - Policy has me down as a student, not sure why, been a full-time professional since Jan 2008 and now make 65K - Bodily Injury: Liability Limits Each person 50K; Liability Limits Each Occurrence 100K; Premium: $193 - Medical Payments: No coverage - Uninsured Motorists: Liability Limits Each person 50K; Liability Limits Each Occurrence 100K; Premium: $78 - Property Damage: Liability Limits Each Occurrence 50K; Premium: $192 - Comprehensive: Actual Cash Value Less Deductible; 100 Deductible; Premium: $242 - Collision: Actual Cash Value Less Deductible; 100 Deductible; Premium: $650 - Enhanced Transportation Expense: Premium: $28 - All Risks: Actual Cash Value Less Deductible; No coverage - Total Premium Per Vehicle (1 vehicle): $1,383 - Auto Death Benefits: 15K/driver listed with ADB coverage above - DSR (Driving Safety Record): 1 Pt - YDE (Years Driving Experience): 12 started at 18, Im 27so the actual is 9, but Ill take it. - Discounts: None except Good Driver(s): Items 01 and 01 is my Honda, so I guess this means Im a good driver (dont know why the price doesnt reflect it!) - Live in Berkeley, CA (zip code 94708) but am listed as Lafayette, CA (94549)  how do I check which zip is less money? Thanks so much for your advice!! =) I appreciate your time & insight.""

Insurance rate for 2000 ford escort?

it has 143k miles for a female i just need an estimate, it is for a class assignment thanks""

What's the best site for Cheap Car Insurance?

Besides progressive and esurance... Anyone know of a better site or sites regarding Cheap Car Insurance Online? I just got my first car, it's got a salvage title so I'm choosing a one-way liability. I'm still in H.S. with a part time job, so it would really help if you guys can help point me in the right direction to a site that's cheap and affordable on a minimum wage budget. Thanks ya.""

Advice on teen car insurance ?

I'm 18, from Ontario and have had my G2 for over a year now. I was in a deathly car accident in january on the highway because of really bad weather conditions, I'm lucky to be okay. The cop didn't charge me because the weather was so bad and there were a number of car accidents that week. However the insurance company faulted me because I spun out first. Its been 2 months and my dad has done nothing but complain about his car being wrecked. He blames me 100% for the accident even though I hit black ice and there was nothing I could do, and he wasn't even there... For my 18th birthday my grandad (his dad) is giving me $10,000 for a car. My dad is making him wait to give it to me and he won't take me car shopping ! And when I do get one he's not putting me under his insurance ! I have to insure my own car at 18 with only a part time job. Is this unfair? Not being able to drive has been a huge hassel. What are the cheapest cars to insure ? I can drive standard so there's no limitations. What's the best insurance companies ? How much do you think it would be ? Also I'm going to college in Florida next year on an athletic scholarship so what is insurance like down there ?""

Moped/ motorcycle insurance in washington?

how much is insurance for it? i already have a car and car insurance. my car doesnt get great mileage. about 15-17 on the highway.12-15 city. i use to not travel a distance too much but i moved farther away from my college so i gas up once a week or every week and a half depending on if im just going to school or if im also going out. I want a scooter or motorcyle just because there fun and better on gas. im not reckless. ill be safe and drive them to minimize the risk as much as possible. MY STATE DOES NOT REQUIRE MOPED OR MOTORCYLCE INSURANCE BY LAW. Im just curious to be safe. and for me, my faith in god keeps me safe.""

Would I be eligible for EI if I get fired for not being able to pay car insurance?

I work on call and recently I have barely been getting any hours so now I can still afford next months rent but not car insurance. And this job cannot be done without a car. So if I am not able to afford the car insurance because my boss doesn't give me enough hours, and if he fires me because I am not able to do work because I can't afford car insurance, would I be eligible for EI?""

What do you put on a car insurance quote when your penalty has expired?

i had a penalty for 3 years that ran out in 2008 but when i look for insurance they ask for any penalty for the past 5 years. Do i say yes even though it expired in 2008?

Would financing your first car make your insurance go up?

would financing your first car make your insurance go up? As in, a payment plan for a used car.""

Which one is the best health insurance company in USA?

hello All; i am from California; I want a cheap and affordable health insurance for my family. please help me which is the best and low cost health insurance company in USA? Thanks

I NEED A CAR INSURANCE EXPERT!!!?

I'm a first time driver (with provisional license)... I don't get it, why does insurance cost more (4000 - progressive) for 2005 Nissan Frontier then for a 2003 BMW z4 (2500 - Progressive).... and its not only that, it costs less for a corvette then for a v6 mustang... And its like that for all insurance companies from e-surance to Geico, can anyone explain why or if it even will be that much less?!?!? i mean its more for a BMW 325 4dr (2900 - progressive) then for the BMW z4... How is this possible... Will it cost even less if i get it on my mom's policy? BTW i know BMW are expensive to maintain, but i got a job that i believe will cover everything... do they make z4 4 cylinders or is it only 6? Based on the lowest type of insurance that an 17 year old can get from internet quotes... Ty in advance!""

What are some affordable health insurance companies for young adults?

Im looking for some health insurance. anyone know of some good affordable companies?

Is there any insurance company in california that will accept to give me coverage if i have PCOS?

I also need an insurance coverage for pregnancy as I am trying to conceive

I received a letter requesting that I show proof of car insurance?

I received a letter that asking me to send proof of insurance on my vehicle. I lost a good job in September and the job that I have currently, barely pays me enough to pay rent on my apartment let alone insurance for my vehicle. I just got a new job and will be able to put insurance on my car in a few weeks. I did some searching and I know my license will get suspended! My question is for the state of Ohio, when you haven't been in an accident and this is only your first offense...how long will they suspend license? the website doesn't say. It just says until requirements are met meaning I have to pay reinstatement fee and get sr22 bond. If I can't drive I will loose my new job...I'm loosing it. will someone please tell me what to expect?""

Car Insurance for a Corsa?

I am 18 had a license less that a year and I'm employed what would be the cheapest insurance for for a 1.6 vauxhal corsa?

I am 16 and just got my license and I am wondering how much insurance would cost for a 1994 Mitsubishi 3000GT?

I live in Illinois and I already own the car. My parents are saying that the insurance is going to be to much to pay for. How much do you think it will cost per month?

How long have i had car insurance?

Can someone please tell me where I stand on the following: I have held a provisional UK license since 4/4/06 after a few months of driving lessons I took out insurance on my vehicle with Virgin so that I could drive accompanied by my parents. This policy was taken out on 31/7/06. On 9/11/06 I past my driving test. On 31/07/07 I renewed my car insurance with virgin and with the 31/07/08 soon approaching I must again renew my car insurance. The problem is I will in fact have had two year no claims on 31/07/08 which Virgin recognises, however when I go on their and any other online car insurers websites it says that my no claims (2 years) cannot exceed my full license period (1 year 9 months) So the question is, will my car insurance be recognised by other insurers as been held for two years?""

My car got hit in the middle of the night. I don't have insurance but the person at fault does.?

I woke up yesterday to find my car hit and another car, with temp tags, abandoned up the road (it had a lot of damage to the front of it, so it was obviously the one that hit mine.) Today the officer who came yesterday called and had found the person at fault and gave me all of their information. I don't have insurance currently, and my car will cost a few $100 to repair, so what can I do with this info?""

Is a saturn sky a sports car?

im a 17 year old boy, looking for a car, heard the sky is a fun and really cool car. But since im 17 and have school and what not i dont have time to for a job to pay for the ...show more""

How much is car insurance for a teenager?

If the teenager is added to the parents policy, how much more will it cost the parent? Info: I have a good gpa, I will take drivers ed, my mom has a new car and its safe, and I have just turned 16.""

Is there cheap car insurance in sharon pennsylvaniaa?

Hello im getting a car in a week and need insurance but i keep getting told its going to be around 80 dollars a month and i was paying 50 dollars in New York, I only make 400 dollars a month. Does anyone know of a cheap place for auto insurance in or around Sharon PA? thank you""

""Pregnant, on my parents insurance, can I get medicaid for my baby?""

I am a 23 year old student, working part time in retail and living with my mother. I am 25 weeks pregnant. My parents' insurance covers my prenatal appointments, but it will not cover my baby. Will I qualify for medicaid? (I live in California, so here it is actually called medi-cal).... I went to the office to apply, but the lady told me to come back when I was in my third trimester. I really want my baby to get insurance, but I am worried that I won't qualify. I would appreciate hearing your experience if you have been in a similar situation, or know how it works. Thanks!""

Does insurance follow the car?

I have a license, and want to drive, but i can't afford a car of my own. I want to drive my grandmother's car, but my mother won't let me because your insurance doesn't cover that . But, i thought that the rule of thumb was that the insurance follows the car? If i was pulled over in my grandmother's car, and she had insurance, and the insurance i have copied in my wallet is under a different car, would i be in any legal trouble?""

Best car for cheap car Insurace?

Hi, So I passed my driving test today which is ace. Im 27 male from from West Sussex. Im looking to buy a cheap car that has a cheap insurance premium. So ideally I want a 1.1l Any tips on which cars to look at? Obviously category 1 cars are cheaper but the actual cars are are quite expensive. I just need a banger to chug to work in, no motorways. Any help would be ace. Thanks Dan""

Car insurance?

if you have never had car insurance before which is the most least expensive one to go for?also about how much does it cost? if you only have one vehicle and one person on the account.

What is the cheapest auto insurance for teens?

I can't find a policy under $1700, Or even anything under $290 a month. Houston Sucks!Im 18 and I pay more than anybody in my entire family.""

Rexford Montana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 59930

Rexford Montana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 59930

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/life-insurance-deployed-contractor-james-reynolds/"