#and then I say my parents hoarding tendencies did not affect me

[lilgynt]

i know the roaches own my house but like i’m paying them rent kind of own it

[dearcat1]

Bastardology

Fandom: Katekyo Hitman Reborn

Event: KHR Rare Pair Week 2020

Pairing: Naruto Uzumaki/Xanxus

Summary: Naruto eats Xanxus out of house and home and casually talks no jutsus him. (Not that she realizes, there are more important things to think about, like ramen.)

Story:

"Seriously?" Nobody answers her but Naruto hadn't been hoping for a reply anyway. Kurama's mocking snickers were more than enough, thank you. "Can't a girl have 15 minutes to eat some ramen?" 

That question, too, was rhetoric but it receives an answer regardless. "Hmm, sure?" The guy is a brunette, small and adorable and with a head full of fluffy hair that she has a hard time resisting. The urge to pet him is almost too strong. 

Beside him sits a white-haired man, eating marshmallows leisurely. Naruto recognizes another pranking spirit on sight. "Ooh? And who would you be?" 

"Uzumaki Naruto," and she's too damn hungry to complete the usual introduction. "Where's the nearest ramen stand?" She can deal with the weird interdimensional jump later. Their blank faces are answer enough. Naruto shrugs, she'll find it herself and jumps down the table. "Oh yeah, sorry about your forest." 

So she had been a tiny bit startled when they'd pulled her from Ichiraku. And maybe, just maybe, Naruto might be a little Rasengan happy these days. It's hardly Naruto's fault.

As if on queue, a part of the wall crumbles, the forest after it flattened to the ground, and Naruto blushes, gesturing vaguely towards the door before she leaves, long blonde hair swaying behind her.

One of the guys falls into step with her. Dark hair, are those feathers? Red eyes, scars all over him and angst oozing out of every pore. Great, this one is a Bastard 2.0, Naruto can already tell. She's also a master of Bastard-Speak and the leading expert in the field of "how to socialize your bastard." 

She needs a better name for it. Bastardology? 

Better than anything her father would ever come up with, that's for sure. "Come on," Naruto herds him to where her nose is guiding her. "You're paying for my ramen." This one, at least, doesn't know better yet. 

Bastard 2.0 snorts, not even faltering. 

Naruto rolls her eyes right back. "Of course you will, you guys dragged me here. Take responsibility!"

All he answers her with is a one-eyed glare. 

But as mentioned before, Naruto is an expert in bastardology. "Save it, I'm not one of the fangirls." Bastards always have hoards of them. "They're your friends, believe it." 

To that, Bastard 2.0 grunts incredulously.

"Oh, get over it," Naruto pokes him on the stomach. Bastards need physical and verbal affection, it helps them with their regretful bastardy. That said, nobody needs to know that Naruto is purposefully annoying with it. 

This bastard, though, seems to be more in the lines of Sasuke after the invasion instead of Sasuke after the Fourth War. He pulls out something from his belt and Naruto reacts on instinct, she tanks the attack to keep the civilians behind her safe and barely manages to redirect the Rasengan she was about to ram into his gut. 

"Oh man," she slips his weapon into her pouch and looks despairingly at the crumbling building behind him. This universe is so breakable. So damn breakable. This one was even just a normal Rasengan. "All I want is some damn ramen, you bastard."

That did scorch her a little, though. Which contrary to popular belief, given Naruto's well... Narutoness, is actually pretty impressive. Of course, Kurama is already dealing with it. Speaking off, the energy… it felt like Kurama on a pissy day. 

Nowhere near Kurama's old levels of rage but like a human version of it. You know, instead of a centuries-old chakra monster. 

Bastard 2.0 is looking at her, eyes slightly widened and mouth parted. Damn him, really, are all bastards this pretty? Naruto props her hand on her hip and glares him down, doing her best Ino impression. She's dealt with Kurama when he was the King of Angst, he can deal with Feathered Murder over here. "Well?" 

The guy grunts, sending a pointed look towards her weapons pouch. Naruto, just as pointedly, ignores it. She rolls her eyes, snags him by the wrist and drags him behind her. "Now, you're absolutely paying for my ramen, believe it." She was going to be nice, too. Eat maybe three bowls. Now she's going to empty his wallet.

Not only does she empty his wallet, she pulverizes it. It's no like she set out to be mean about it, alright? She's just been helping with well… pretty much everything. Being a one-woman army has its downfalls. Between working and working and meetings and more working, Naruto hadn't honestly noticed how damned hungry she was. Just that she was.

Which, it turns out, is far too damn hungry. The place is no Ichiraku but the ramen is still good and the cook had no problem sending people out to buy more ingredients as soon as Naruto gave him Feathered Murder's wallet. 

The guy's surprise at Naruto handing it over had been hilarious. She can sort of see why Jiraya did it.

Still, she eats mostly the day away but once she's done, Feathered Murder's wallet back in her hands, she snags him again and decides against wandering. 

They find a nice rooftop with a view of the ocean. Or maybe, it's more accurate to say that Naruto finds it and drags Bastard 2.0 with her but he hasn't left. So there's that. "So… why are you so angry anyway?" 

"What is it to you, trash?" 

Naruto ignores the bite in the tone, ignores the insult. She's been called far worse, there's been more venom in the voices of people that now greet her with a smile of admiration. This is nothing to her. "Nothing, really. I just figured I'm as unbiased as you'll ever get, bastard." She is, after all from another dimension.

Bastard 2.0 watches her in silence for a moment and then drops down to sit by her side, close enough that Naruto can feel his heat. Unlike Sasuke, who ranted his fury at her, screamed it between punches, Xanxus tells her in quite even tones that sound of resignation.

For all that she loves them, Naruto thinks Xanxus would understand her better than Sakura or Kakashi. Though maybe not Sasuke. But they're both up there. But the more he talks, the less Naruto finds herself comparing the two bastards. They are both bastards, of course. 

But Sasuke is her rival, Gaara her best friend. Xanxus? She thinks that if she let out all those dark thoughts Naruto has long kept inside her, Xanxus would understand them quite well.

"You deserved to be Decimo," she tells him, frankly. Because he did. Would he have been a good one? That Naruto doesn't know but if the title was given to the sons of the current leader, adopted or not, Xanxus qualified. "But why did you want to be?"

Or did he ever? Because to Naruto, it sounds more like Xanxus was hurt that it was denied to him in the first place.

Xanxus makes a surprised sound in the back of his throat, something a little disbelieving. And Naruto wishes she could point him to the direction of the swordsman who has been following them since the beginning, discrete as he thought himself to be. But she asked and Xanxus answered so she grabs a hold of his hand instead.

"Growing up," she tells him, staring at the same landscape he's pretending to watch, "the villagers hated me. The demon brat. They would always look at me with those eyes and I hated it, you know?" 

Naruto drags her knees to her chest, resting her chin on them. "The old man used to visit me at the orphanage. The one person who liked me in the entire village. The Hokage. The Third. But for me, he was the old man. Closest thing to family I had." 

"I love him still, and I forgive him," she ignores Kurama listening quietly as well. "But I'm not an idiot. My parents had friends, a student, but none of them approached me. Not once. To protect me, they said. I know now. He was the old man to me but he was always the Third as well."

There's resentment there that she refused to acknowledge to anybody else, "my father sealed the nine-tailed demon inside of me when I was born and since then, I was a container first and his adopted granddaughter second. For the rest of them, I was a weapon, something dangerous, to be wary of." 

Kurama feels worried and she smiles, sending him affection back. "I didn't know, of course. For a long time, I didn't know I was a container. The old man only told me when a traitor spilt the secret and I'll never know if he planned to tell me about my parents. He died before, you know?" 

"But even before I knew, I wanted to be Hokage. I wanted them to acknowledge me, I thought that it'll show them I'm worthy of them. I know now the old man told me that to keep me loyal, I'm not an idiot." No matter what people like to tell her. "But I want to be Hokage still. Just for a different reason." 

Xanxus is full in looking at her now, not even pretending otherwise. "Why? They're shitty people." 

A part of Naruto thinks: I know. "There are people in the village who used to spit at me and now won't stop smiling my way," Naruto tells him, somehow darkly amused. "I don't think I'll ever trust it. But the Hokage is the strongest ninja in the village and I need to be strong. If I am not, how will I protect the friends I finally managed to make along the way?"

And then, impulsively, she sends a smile his way. "I've decided you're my friend, too." Naruto points a finger to his face and watches him go cross-eyed as he leans back. "I'll protect you too, believe it. And kick your ass if you're being too much of a bastard!"

The fist closing on her shirt makes her smile gains teeth. She's expecting Xanxus to throw a punch, she's expecting a somewhat exasperated spar that will leave them both satisfied and her message received. So Naruto lets him drag her to her feet, lets him pull her close. 

What she's not expecting are chapped lips against hers, a hand cradling her cheek. Naruto makes a surprised sound and ignores Kurama's facepalm and mutterings about her tendencies to reform assholes everywhere. She presses closer, going up on her tiptoes to deepens the kiss.

[my-mystic-messenger]

I saw that a while back you wrote about who needs therapy the most in the RFA. Going off of that, since I see this discussed a lot in the fandom, who do you think might have suffer from mental illness? Everyone struggles and is deserving of help. That's obvious and I hope people know that. I just see a lot of different opinions on the subject, and since (with the exclusion of Rika) nothing's ever confirmed in-game, I'd love to get your perspective. Your analyses are so well-done!

This request was a little difficultmainly because I really don’t want to insult anyone or say somethingwrong that could hurt anyones feelings or such. Therefor I want topreface this by saying that I am, by no means, a professional. Iwanted to become a Psychiatrist so I did learn a couple of things onmy own, but nowhere near enough to be accurate about everything. Ihave a couple of ideas what kind of mental illnesses the MysticMessenger crew might have based on internet research, but as alwaysdon’t quote me on this…

|| REQUEST ARE (ALWAYS)OPEN!! ||

♬ Zen =  Body Dysmorphic Disorderor BDD ♬

HonestlyI don’t reallythink that Zen has any mental illnesses, after all you can strugglein life without it being a full blown mental illness, but if I wouldhad to say one that he might have I’d choose BDD. Not all peoplesuffering from BDD are those stick thin girls that see themselves asoverweight when looking in the mirror. There are many nuances toevery mental disorder, including BDD. Let’s have a look why I thinkZen mighthave BDD:✓ preoccupation with physical appearance

✓ belief that one has an abnormality or defect in appearance thatmakes her ugly

✓ frequently looking in the mirror

✗ avoiding mirrors altogether

✓ believing that others take special notice of ones appearance in anegative way

✗ frequent cosmetic procedures with little satisfaction

✓ excessive grooming

✓ feeling extremely self-conscious

✗ refusing to appear in pictures

✗ skin picking

✓ comparing appearance with that of others

✗ avoiding social situations

✓ camouflaging (with body position, clothing, makeup, hair, hats,etc.)

✓ excessive exercise

✓ changingclothes excessively As I said many times before, I feel likeZen’s excessive narcissism is nothing but a facade to hide that hereally just hates his body and himself due to what happened in hischildhood. In order to overcome one negative extreme he throughhimself into another extreme, self-hate to excessive self-love, evengoing as far as to pursue a career where everyone could and would seehim. He constantly talks about his looks, is self-conscious about hisalbinism, constantly stares at himself in mirrors or phones, knowsthat people notice his albinism and fears it’s negative, constantlygrooms himself, is self-conscious, has an excessive need to comparehimself to others, exercises excessively and for his job heconstantly has to camouflage and change clothing. Out of all thesymptoms for it, Zen sure fits a lot of them. There is even agood reason why he might have it:

?   having biological relatives with body dysmorphic disorder

✓ childhood teasing

?  physical or sexual abuse

✓ low self-esteem

✓ societalpressure or expectations of beauty

He got teased by his parents and hatedby his teacher. He had low self-esteem because of it and then ofcourse societal pressure got added to the mix later on once he becamean actor. I’m not sure whether he suffered physical or sexual abuse,although I wouldn’t completely cut out the possibility, if youconsider that it was hinted at that his teacher had a thing for himas well as the fact that his parents seemed like the abusive type andhe was in a biker gang. I also don’t know whether his parents mighthave had BDD, but it is a possibility. Either way, looking at allthis Zen could be suffering from BDD, although I don’t fully believehe does.

★ Yoosung = Addictive PersonalityDisorder ★

Ialready mentioned before that I think that Yoosung has quite theaddictive personality and look there, the shoe kind of fits. I’mbasically 99% sure that Yoosung has some kind of addictivepersonality disorder or something similar now let’s see why:✓Low self-esteem

✓ A tendency to impulsive behaviour

✗ An antisocial personality

✓ Difficulty delaying gratification

✓ A disposition toward sensation seeking

✓ Someone who values nonconformity to an extreme

✓ Someone with a weak commitment to the goals for achievement thatare generally accepted by “normal” society

✓ Someone who is tolerant of deviant behaviour

✓ Someone who is socially alienated

✓ Having an increased sense of stress

Basically…almostall of the symptoms fit to some extend or the other. It is undeniablethat Yoosung has low self-esteem, something that is mentioned inbasically all of the routes. He is very impulsive and never thinksthings through, like getting his eye almost cut out by one SaeranChoi, because he just had to safe you right then right now withoutplanning. He barely makes any friends outside of his games and thepeople he already knew, namely the RFA members, when Yoosungs wantsto play he needs to do it instantly without any patience to wait, hehas given up on studying in order to pursue his addiction – gaming– tolerates a lot of deviant behaviour going on in the RFA, namelywhatever one particular hacker is up to, and despite being a lazyfart who never cleans nor studies nor does care for himself properlyhe seems to be under constant stress. On top of that he is completelyobsessed with the women in his life; first Rika then you. He latcheson and is incapable of letting go until something new comes aroundthat catches his attention. All of these are pretty fitting, don’tyou think?

♨ Jaehee = Anxiety Disorder♨

Justlike with Zen I don’t really think that Jaehee has any disorders orillnesses in particular, just your every day stress of Koreanworkplaces wearing her down. However, if I had to pick one that mightbe fitting it would be Anxiety Disorder. To clarify, I don’t reallymean the anxiety most people would picture; being afraid to speak inpublic etc – as we all know that Jaehee is capable of doing that –but more on the lines of being constantly stressed and on edge:?  Irrational fears

✓ Muscle tension

?  Chronic indigestion

?  Stage fright

✓ Self-consciousness

✓ Panic, fear, and uneasiness

?  Flashbacks

✓ Perfectionism

?  Compulsive behaviors

✓ Self-doubt

✓ Problems sleeping

✓ Not being able to be still and calm

✓ Dizziness (mentioned in one of thebad endings)The amount of question marks is precisely why Idon’t really think she has it, but potentially could. A lot of thosewe cannot know for sure, as such things are never explicitlymentioned or even hinted in in the game, but I definitely could seebeing the case. I’m about 90% sure that Jaehee has compulsivebehaviours as well as the kind of flashbacks connected to anxietydisorder. I also believe that while she is able to hold a meetingthat speaking in front of people is something she had to forceherself to learn and that Jaehee actually has stage fright. As forany physical symptoms I can’t even deduce whether she might have themor not, but as I said I could imagine it. Then again, I’m really notsure and this is all just me thinking of possibilities I don’t reallythink are true.

♛Jumin = Obsessive Compulsive PersonalityDisorder ♛

This is something I have personalexperience with, since I have OCPD. Just as a side note, OCPD is notOCD and has very little in common with what you see OCD beingportrayed as in the media. Also, to make something clear, I am notgiving my favourite my own disorder to feel connected to him. I feelconnected to him, because I feel like he has the same disorder. Juminis very similar to me, which is why I understand his struggles thebest and connect to him. Now enough about me, let’s dig into whatOCPD is and why I think Jumin has it:

Obsessive-Compulsive PersonalityDisorder is characterized by a preoccupation with orderliness,perfectionism, and mental and interpersonal control, at the expenseof flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

- may have such difficulty decidingwhich tasks take priority or what is the best way of doing someparticular task that they may never get started on anything.

- prone to becoming upset or angry insituations in which they are not able to maintain control of theirphysical or interpersonal environment, although the anger istypically not expressed directly. On other occasions, anger may beexpressed with righteous indignation over a seemingly minor matter.

-  may be especially attentive to theirrelative status in dominance-submission relationships and may displayexcessive deference to an authority they respect and excessiveresistance to authority that they do not respect.

- Individuals with this disorderusually express affection in a highly controlled or stilted fashionand may be very uncomfortable in the presence of others who areemotionally expressive. Their everyday relationships have a formaland serious quality, and they may be stiff in situations in whichothers would smile and be happy. They carefully hold themselves backuntil they are sure that whatever they say will be perfect.

✓ Is preoccupied with details, rules,lists, order, organization and schedules

✓ Shows perfectionism which caninterfere with task completion

✓ Is excessively devoted to work andproductivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and friendships

✓ Is overconscientious, scrupulous,and inflexible about matters of morality, ethics, or values

✓ Is unable to discard worn-out orworthless objects even when they have no sentimental value

✓ Is reluctant to delegate tasks orto work with others unless they submit to exactly his or her way ofdoing things

✓ Adopts a miserly spending styletoward both self and others; money is viewed as something to behoarded for future catastrophes

✓ Shows significant rigidity andstubbornnessIs there really anything I need to explain aboutthis? All of these fit Jumin like a glove tailored for him. There arereally only two things that I need to clarify something on. For onewe don’t know how Jumin acts about discarding things he has nological need for, but I feel from the way he treats the pen hisfather gives him, that said point fits. Despite not needing a goldendiamond pen and probably having a million more that work just thesame he starts an entire search party to get it back, probably out ofsentimental reasons but also because he can’t discard such things. Asfor the miserly spending style, something most people would disagreewith, Jumin doesn’t waste money. He lives in luxury and he does likespending his money, but he doesn’t waste it. The things he buys orpays a lot of money for are practical for the better part; like anutritionist and gym to keep him healthy. With the money he earns hecould live a lot more extravagant than he already does, but he’s notwasteful and exactly like described values money and hoarding it.Other than that, everything else fits perfectly!

☼Saeyoung/Seven = Major Depression ☼ 

Honestly guys, does this even need explaining? He’s flunking hisdepression in everyone’s faces all day, every day and yet no oneseems to care. Despite the fact that he doesn’t have just ordinarydepression but major depression. I’m talking hardcore bullshit hereand rightly so. Let’s break this down once and for all:✓Fatigue or loss of energy almost every day

✓ Feelings of worthlessness or guilt almost every day

✓ Impaired concentration, indecisiveness

✓ Insomnia or hypersomnia almost every day

✓ Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in almost all activitiesnearly every day

✓ Restlessness or feeling slowed down

✓ Recurringthoughts of death or suicide

✓ Significant weight loss or gain

✓ Change in your appetite (not eating enough or overeating)

✓ Low self-esteem

✓ Feelingof hopelessFor a while I was torn between Saeyoung being justdepressed or having manic depression aka bipolar disorder. I decidedto depression, mainly because his ‘episodes’ of euphoria are mostlyfake and don’t really happen in proper cycles. Then again, we onlyget to know them for eleven days and usually those cycles can take upto weeks when not regulated with the proper medication, so who knows.However, it’s a 100% clear that Saeyoung is majorly depressed. Otherthan his eccentric chatting behaviour he barely seems to have energy,even the smallest things can break his concentration, he neversleeps, other than his interest in cars he has no other interest orpleasurable activities left, Saeyoung constantly mentions howworthless he is, how guilty he feels over his brother, how hopelesshe feels of getting out of where he’s got himself stuck and how hewants to die. As for the significant weight loss, he barely eats butwhat he eats is horrible junk. He should weight much much more thanhe does considering his diet, which I put into the same category asweight loss. Therefor Saeyoung shows all the symptoms of a majorlydepressed person. 

☀ Saeran = BorderlinePersonality Disorder ☀

Fora hot minute I thought about Saeran having depression as well, but Ifeel like his mental issues go a little deeper and more complicatedthan 'just’ depression. Upon researching some of the symptoms he hascompared to his twin brother I stumbled over BPD, not to be confusedwith bipolar disorder (happened to me ones). People with BPD usuallyexperience symptoms like:

✓ Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

✓A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family,friends, and loved ones, often swinging from extreme closeness andlove to extreme dislike or anger

✓ Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self

✓ Impulsive and often dangerous behaviours

✓ Recurring suicidal behaviours or threats or self-harmingbehaviour

✓ Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lastingfrom a few hours to a few days

✓ Chronic feelings of emptiness

✓ Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger

✓ Having stress-related paranoid thoughts

✓ Having severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off fromoneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touchwith reality

Muchlike with Saeyoung this case of mental illness needs very littleexplaining. The symptoms speak for themselves, as they perfectly fitto Saeran, all of them. Now some might say that he didn’t show thosesymptoms as a child and that is true, although I wouldn’t say thathis BPD was caused onlyby what Rika did to him, although that surely played a big part.There are three main reasons that are considered risk factors:Genetics, Environmental and Social Factors and Brain Factors. Theenvironmental/social factor is quite obviously what Rika did toSaeran. Most notable factors in that category are traumatic lifeevents such as abuse (mother then Rika) and/or abandonment (hisfather then Saeyoung) during childhood. What Rika did to Saeran alsoworks into the brain factors, as her torture probably causedstructural and functional changes in his brain that changed hisbehaviour and way of thinking so drastically. As for the genetics, Iactually wouldn’t be so surprised of the twins’ mother had some sortof mental disorder or even BPD that caused her to lash out on theboys like that and in Saeran’s case pass it on. It might even explainwhy he was sickly as a child while his brother wasn’t. Although thatis purely theoretical, the rest isn’t as much. Poor baby…

📷 Jihyun/V = White KnightSyndrome 📷

Now I honestly have to say that I’m not sure whether White KnightSyndrome falls in the mental illness category or not, but it fit soperfectly to V and there was very little else I could have come upwith, so I’m putting it into the list. Now what exactly is WhiteKnight Syndrome or what are the symptoms:

✓ Fears emotional distance

✓ Is very emotionally vulnerable and sensitive

✓ Has a tendency to idealize the partner

✓ Has an extreme need to be viewed as important or unique

~  Tends to be self-critical or reactively blames, devalues, andmanipulate others

Inrelationships:

✓ Is attracted to a needy partner or a partner with a history oftrauma, loss, abuse, or addiction

✓ Fears being separated from the partner, losing the partner’s loveor approval, or being abandoned by the partner

✓ Engages in controlling behaviour, often under the guise ofhelping

✓ Maintains or restores connection with the partner by beingextremely helpful or good

✗  Responds ambivalently to the partner’s success

✓ Describes a sense of “oneness” with the partner

✓ Fails to recognize the partner’s manipulative behaviours

✓ Is seduced by the sexual or dramatic behaviour of the partner

✓ Evokes strong feelings in the partner in order to avoid his orher own emotional discomfort

✓ Maintains hope for a gratifying relationship by denying thereality of the partner’s issues

I mean…hello V? Other than the point about his response to hispartner being ambivalent everything fits perfectly. That is preciselywhy I find it so irritating when people describe his feelings towardsRika as love. No, V did not love Rika or at least not in a healthyway. He loved her instability and he was obsessed with the idea ofsaving her. So much so that he was willing to manipulate, devaluateand fuck over the rest of his friends. The only reason I used ~ onthat particular point is because while he is self-critical as well,he never reactively blames anyone but himself. Frankly rightly so.Anyone who thinks that V is in any way innocent is wrong. He didn’tstop Rika. Despite knowing of her plans all along he never once didanything to stop her and therefor he is almost as much at fault asRika is. In fact my American law he would be charged with accessoryto a hefty crime amongst other things earning him a couple of yearsin prison, just saying. I’m sure his White Knight Syndrome playedinto why he did what he did, but that doesn’t make him any moreinnocent nor excuses what torture other people were put throughbecause he put Rika first and did nothing to stop her.

[vio1315]

OC ask: 19, 50

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

They all mean so much to me, particularly: Skye, Gill, Kydin, Marth, Ariella, and James. Of those, who should I pick, though?

I think I will say Gill, even though it’s hard to separate him from Skye in my mind by now. 

He’s among the oldest OCs of the IRP crew, and he was probably the catalyst to a lot of things with my writing and characters.

He was the second guy character I ever remember having, he was in the first romance I’d ever written, and in the story, he causes a TON of very necessary change which led to the story finally falling away from Mary Sues and cliches that plagued it for the first arc. 

Heh as plenty of his own cliches of course, but it feels a bit more refined by now, that they’re a bit more forgivable given that everything else has toned down. 

I love his personality, because it’s somewhat relatable to me at parts, but also I think a lot of his personality stems from what I wish I was (I realize this years later, of course)

Gill is internally very timid, experiences shyness, and even maybe anxiety. He makes problems worse than they really are, and obsesses over what people think or say of him, because he deeply wants everyone to be happy with him. He wants to matter to others.

And thus leads into how he’s something of my ideal. He genuinely cares about every person they come across. He has his moments of absolute, unbridled fury, but those are few and far between (and usually beyond justified) but mostly, he concerns himself with the well being of even strangers, even people who’ve repeatedly abused him, and the like. He sees the good in everyone, and is extremely forgiving. This leads into some of his flaws of not just forgiving but saying ‘what they did was always okay’ but often it’s his strength. 

To someone like me, I don’t even think his personality is that realistic, but I see evidence of such people, and so writing him is a very strange experience, but I very much love him for it. His personality makes him perhaps one of my most likeable OCs for me. It’s not any particular talent, skill, or humor or anything, it’s just his legitimate kindness and accepting nature. Gosh man, I just love it. 

He’s also the OC that made me cry when I imagined him dying that one time, so y’know, pretty important :v

His relationship with other characters is always so interesting, and usually has really big impacts in the story. Despite his self worth issues, he’s seriously among the most capable of eliciting change within the group. Because he’s got the personality he does, they all have a pretty deep sense of respect for him /at least/, if not outright affection from Skye and eventually Marth. 

And all the change he causes is through very lowkey things. He rarely does things with any huge bravado. He took the time to befriend and console Skye which had /huge/ impacts on her character. He offers a job to Kydin out of the blue, which pulls Kydin into being closer to Skye and thus have a far more stable and fulfilling time. He will often speak to Aura in a very consistently calm and accepting manner when she’s fuming, which generally at the very least doesn’t further agitate things (a big triumph, honestly) and is usually the voice of reason in very hectic situations, talking people down from anger or self hatred, or out of impulsive decisions.

The times when he gets angry are so wild, man. Like he’s not a super angry person, but certain things will really get to him very quickly and it’s crazy

I appreciate as well that he’s always been a smart character in addition to having a very intense focus on emotions of those around him. It’s not in spite of the fact at all, nor necessarily because of it, just two parts of him. His insights and advice have been extremely pivotal, and he doesn’t even realize it. 

By the way, he’s probably one of my most courageous characters. He’ll always put himself between any villain/jerk and an innocent or beloved person. Always. He’s even stood up to his own father in this way, which takes as much courage as facing off the genocidal bad guy for him. 

(Let me just mention he’s straight up told his dad that his dad is not to treat his kids the way he treated Gill as a child, and if he does, Gill will be sure he never sees them again. Gill has a lot of fear that comes out of respect for his dad, but he still does this stuff)

I just love him.

I will talk about him literally all day, someone stop me

He also adores his kids and wife and is like the Maes Hughes of IRP okay

50. Give me the good ol' OC talk here. Talk about anything you want

Maybe I should just point to the above question and count that, because I went on for a very long time there :v

But heck, I’ll use it as an excuse to talk about Skye since I talked about Gill and it is just not permitted for one to be excluded like that.

Skye was the very first OC from IRP, and she got the worst of 15 year old me's inexperience with writing. 

Luckily, though, she starts the story at 14 years old, so half of it can be attributed to that, and a lot of her development comes across as maturing with age, so that worked wonderfully. 

She starts off as all cold and indifferent -crappy childhood or whatever lol- parents nowhere to be found, all that jazz. If IRP had ended in the first arc, she’d be like Silvia Greystone, just a silly memory of my youth.

A bit after she meets Gill, there ends up being a two year timeskip in things, and since then I’ve really developed what happened in those two years, but it was the most necessary thing for Skye’s character. It’s in those two years that those two befriend each other (largely in part to Gill’s patience with her and coughhugecrushcough) and it ends up being the first real link Skye’s had with another person in a long time. Aura in a sense had prepped her for this, but their friendship was never very deep, and extremely rocky and not what I’d call healthy (even now) 

Coming out of the timeskip, Skye’s a much more open and friendly person, though still reserved and wary, but it opens her to the rest of the world. She becomes possible to influence by the experiences they all have, and more open to noticing what other people are going through and doing something about that.

As the arcs go on and things progress, Skye ends up being a very compassionate and driven person. She’s has a very subtle personality a lot of the time. She’s usually pretty calm and such, but she’ll quickly bubble up in excitement over things. 

All in all, she actually feels emotions very deeply. Much more than I do. I think that’s part of why she can’t deal with Aura. (Btw Aura isn’t mine in case it’s been too long since I’ve mentioned that) 

When Skye’s mad, she’s MAD, and it’ll cling to her for awhile and affect her judgment. When she’s sad, it runs very deep, and thus happy times are much more pleasant too. But Aura’s kind of a very stubborn person who will snap at people, which doesn’t play so well with that.

Particularly, Aura has a personality that only serves to aggravate Skye’s weaknesses. 

Skye has matured a lot, but she still has a lot of fear about certain things, and easily can be talked into blaming herself.

One of her fears is absolutely involving losing the people around her to basically any circumstance, which is what keeps her with Aura even now, who only manages to make her self-blaming tendencies worse in their arguments... “arguments”

Skye tends to have a very good head about things, but Aura always gets to her. 

One of Skye’s best strengths that comes in very handy with the political stuff she’s found herself in, is that when necessary, she can at least hide her emotions very well. She’s still very driven and directed by them, but she can really mask it. This is somewhat contrasted by Gill, who while being able to do this exceptionally well, does not have it come naturally even a little bit. In the end, this falls into the distinction between the types of smart these two are.

Gill is smart because he’ll read anything, and he generally hoards information and enjoys that, he’ll practice a skill to death because he was raised in a very academic sort of environment. A lot of things don’t come so naturally to him, and those are the things he generally dislikes (such as public speaking) despite having a very good ability in it.

Skye on the other hand has a more organic kind of intelligence. She also enjoys getting a lot of info, but she’s more choosey, only focusing on necessities or hobbies. But she’s much better at deducing things without knowing a thing about them. She sees patterns and reads between lines and can come to very accurate conclusions despite not actually having any knowledge about the matter. She’s also very fast. Gill needs time to process things or think over every possibility, and he’s very good at that, but Skye will be the one who comes to a decision instantaneously that almost seems as though she’s thought it over for a very long time. 

This opens them both up to many strengths and weaknesses regarding how they think, but ultimately it makes them work very well together. Like if debate was a tag team sport, they’d be really set.

And I didn’t mention that Skye’s very playful, but she is. Have that info.

Did I ever mention that Gill inspires Skye to be a better person? Because he does. Even to this day. She’s grown to be very compassionate, but she’s still very inspired by Gill’s ‘just jump in and help people’ style of living life. (Don’t worry, Gill is super inspired by her quick wit and dedication)WHICH BY THE WAY

Skye is so dedicated and loyal. That’s probably her number one feature, honestly. She’s one of those people who once you befriend, will always be there. She super values her friends, and nothing is going to shake her from their side. I think this is even semi lowkey with her, too. She doesn’t really come in with heroes speeches while they fight the Big Bad or anything, but she very much jumps right to people’s side to defend them whenever someone’s verbally wrecking them (like you know those people who are really intelligent and like to go find less intelligent people to decimate in some kind of debate or something) she’s always that person you tag in posts like ‘hey you wanna take this up?’ who proceeds to come in with like 30,000 sources.

She’s also there in physical fights as good support. She’s taken the bullet for a lot of people, and she’ll never linger on that fact. The outcome is all that matters.

I think something strange to me is that Skye is probably as much of the main character as this story has, but it feels like the narrative takes to looking down on her a lot? -I usually blame Aura for this and frustrate myself :v - 

But really, that works with how she’d see herself as well. She’s very much like my mom. She doesn’t necessarily have huge self esteem issues, but she always thinks of herself as nothing special or noteworthy. Gill, Marth,and Kydin think this is crazy talk and won’t hear of it. 

I think there is a feeling of her being what keeps things held together despite just how in the background she is about so much of what she does. (She’s sometimes boasted in a joking way, but just as many times kind of insulted herself in a joking way) 

Like when Gill’s wasting away with his work, she’ll come in to assist with it and work just as long and tirelessly. Or when outsiders threaten anything whatsoever, she gets very mama bear about it.

That’s something. Gill doesn’t take sides as much in conflicts that don’t involve him, he’ll try and talk both people down. Skye absolutely take sides and decides that the opposing person is a Problem. This sometimes makes conflicts more intense, but actually frequently resolves them when it comes to the more political situations. Not so much in the ‘two friends fighting’ situations. Those situations go baaaaaadly when she’s around.

I think it works better if I say it like ‘you might encounter Skye calmly reading something by the fire, at seeing you, she lights up, and enthusiastically tells you what she’s just read, and makes a few jokes. She eagerly awaits your reaction and seems encouraged by any positive reaction to keep up a fun and deep conversation. The more complicated the topic becomes, the more she seems pulled in and probably the faster and more animated she speaks’ 

whereas‘seeing you lose interest or show signs of a bad mood, she quickly deflates and looks a bit hurt herself. She changes the subject to one of the things you seem to have had an interest in lately with a smile, though she’s stopped making eye contact’

saying it that way feels like it makes more sense. (It should be noted she only acts that way with friends, she never speaks special interests with strangers)

Okay but I need to stop now

Wait.

She also loves her kids yo

and her dad

and her bro

and her husband

Life is good for her no matter how much she has to work now ^^)/

Sometimes I consider that she might end up developing a complex about how she views women because of how the only one in her family she doesn’t like is her mom, and her mom is a special kind of awful. Good thing she has a daughter so someone can break any subconscious feelings of that

[readeverymorning]

money blocks

https://www.goodbyetobroke.com/money-blocks/

What are money blocks?

The concept of money blocks is a fairly new one. There’s a lot of different language floating around out there, and it can get confusing fast.

So before we go any further, let me give you my take on it:

Money blocks: negative subconscious beliefs about money that limit you from achieving your conscious desires.

Let’s say you’re trying to save money but, for whatever reason, you can’t seem to do it.

You spend money almost as soon as you get it, and you don’t know why.

You want to stick to a budget, save more money, and get control of your finances. So what’s the problem?

There are two possibilities:

You’re just missing the tools or knowledge to improve your situation.

You have money blocks.

Money is 80% behavior, 20% knowledge. – Dave Ramsey

For some people, all they need is a bit of education on how money works and a simple system to manage it, and they’re good to go.

However, that’s not always the case.

I mean, I studied finance (financial planning, to be exact) in college, and I still dealt with money blocks.

How Money Blocks Work

Psychologists and therapists have known for a long time that our childhood experiences affect our actions and behaviors as adults.

Only in recent years, however, have they begun to realize that what we experience in our youth regarding money has an impact on how we view and behave with money as adults.

The Financial Therapy Association was established in 2008 specifically to research, educate, and provide professional training on this topic.

The idea is that we all receive messages about money as children — some good, some bad.

These can be things we hear (overt) from our family, community, social groups, etc. or messages we pick up from watching others, reading, or the media.

As a result, we form these money scripts/stories/blueprints: a combination of subconscious beliefs about money that influence our behavior as adults.

If you receive positive messages, such as:

We can use money to make the world a better place.

Money is good because it provides us with what we need.

You see your parents have calm, constructive conversations about money.

then you’re more likely to have a healthy relationship with money as an adult.

On the other hand, if you receive messages like:

Money is evil and rich people are greedy.

I wonder who she had to screw to get that job.

You see your parents fight about money all the time.

then you’re likely to integrate these messages into your subconscious, creating a faulty belief system about money.

These beliefs stay buried in your subconscious and drive your decision making until you learn to identify and move past them.

Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will one day become a reality.     – Earl Nightingale

How do you know if you have a money block?

No offense, but you probably do.

I have them, you have them, pretty much everyone has money blocks of some kind.

One way to tell for sure if you have money blocks is that you feel like you’re doing everything “right,” but you’re getting nowhere.

You have the knowledge and the want, but you’re not getting the results.

Another sign that you may be dealing with a faulty belief system is that you know what you shouldbe doing — again, you have the desire and the know-how — but you keep sabotaging your own success.

For me, this was the case.

I had the financial knowledge (a degree in finance). I knew that I should stay at my job, continue to pay down my debt, and build up my freelance income before leaving.

But I leapt straight off the cliff into the unknown. No plan, no idea how the heck I was going to make money.

Given my education and background, I should have been doing great. But if you have these deeply held beliefs about money and you try to do something that contradicts them, you’ll subconsciously sabotage your own success.

For example, say you have the belief that you’re “bad with money.”

Regardless of how hard you try, you’ll keep doing things and making decisions to prove your belief to be true.

This is a natural human tendency called confirmation bias.

So you avoid looking at your bank statements, overspend with credit cards, and develop other destructive money behaviors all in an effort to keep reality in line with your beliefs.

The worst part is you probably aren’t even aware you’re doing it because your subconscious is driving the train.

Focusing on the numbers when you have money blocks is like putting a fresh coat of paint on a condemned building.

Things may look nice on the outside, but there’s still a faulty foundation. In order to make a real change, you have to deal with the underlying issue.

If you’re dealing with money blocks (or negative beliefs of any kind), the first step in overcoming them is identifying what they are.

Take Action:

Get out a piece of paper (or open a blank document on your computer) and answer these questions:

What do you say about money? How about your friends and family?

What did you hear about money growing up?

How do you feel when you spend, save, etc.? (spending journal, reflection, meditation)

20 Common Money Blocks That May Be Holding You Back

Once upon a time, two financial therapists (Brad and Ted Klontz) coined the phrase “money scripts.”

Money scripts: money beliefs that are typically unconscious, developed in childhood, passed down from generation to generation within families and cultures, contextually bound, and often only partial truths.

What I refer to as money blocks are the negative, limiting beliefs within each script.

Let’s take a look at the four money scripts — avoidance, worship, status, and vigilance — and talk about some of the money blocks associated with each.

Money Avoidance

Money avoiders typically have less money and a lower net worth than non-avoiders. They tend to overspend, sacrifice their financial well-being for others, hoard, avoid looking at bank statements, and have trouble sticking to a budget.

Essentially, money avoiders believe money is bad, and they sabotage their own financial success in an unconscious effort to have as little of it as possible.

Associated Money Blocks:

I don’t deserve money.

Money is the root of all evil.

Wealthy people are corrupt.

Having a lot of money makes me a bad person.

I just want to help people. I don’t care about money.

People won’t like me if I have a lot of money.

Money can’t buy me happiness.

On the other hand, money avoiders often have a conflicting belief that having more money could solve all their problems. So they go back and forth between hating money and wanting more of it.

Money Avoider in Action:

I was a hardcore money avoider, if you hadn’t already guessed.

I grew up in a family and community where money was seen as bad. Most of my family is full-time blue-collar workers and part-time farmers. There was a strong emphasis on leading a “simple” life.

Money isn’t important; family and happiness are.

As the definition of money scripts implies, those are indeed partially true. But what I heard about money growing up led me to subconsciously believe that having a lot of it would make me a bad person.

One of the main reasons I turned down some of those early job offers was because they paid more money than my dad makes.

I remember having a conversation with him on the phone about it. When I told him my offer, he said, “I’ve been working for 25 years and that’s more than I make.”

Needless to say, knowing that I made more money than my dad (who’s an amazing man and deserves all the money in the world) would have made me feel terrible.

Taking a lower-paying job, leaving my job when I was doing well financially, and asking to be paid less money — all sabotaging behaviors that stem from some of these core beliefs.

Money Worship

Money worshippers believe that money is the key to happiness and the solution to all their problems. However, they also believe you can never have enough money and, therefore, they will never be able to afford all the things they want in life.

As a result, they tend to overspend in an attempt to buy happiness, get trapped in credit card debt, and have a lower income and net worth.

Money worshippers are more likely to hoard possessions, spend compulsively, ignore or forget about their finances, put work ahead of relationships, give to others even if they can’t afford it, and be financially dependent on others.

Associated Money Blocks:

I can never have enough money.

Money will give me meaning in life.

The more money I have, the happier I will be.

I can never be happy if I am poor.

If I had more money, things would be better.

Money Worshipper in Action:

My dear friend Chance is a classic money worshipper.

He’s always talking about how he would be so much happier if he had more money but does nothing about it. Except work.

A ton.

He’s obsessed with working and making as much money as possible.

Then he turns right around and spends every dollar he makes going out to bars and paying for everyone else’s drinks, buying designer clothes, and taking expensive trips.

He can’t hold down a relationship because he’s always focused on work. And even though he makes more money than most of our friends, he still accepts money from his parents.

Money Status

People with money status scripts believe their self-worth is determined by their net worth. They may overspend in an attempt to convince others they’re financially successful.

However, money status individuals are normally on the lower end in terms of income and net worth. They’re more likely to spend compulsively, be financially dependent on others, lie about their spending, and gamble.

Associated Money Blocks:

I am only as successful as the amount of money I make.

Others will like me if I have more money/nice things.

Money Status in Action:

Before I became a financial coach, I used help friends and family make budgets and debt payoff plans.

Alexa was one of the first friends I ever helped. She came over to my house, laid out everything I asked her to bring (bank statements, loan information, etc.), and two things became immediately clear to me:

Alexa made way less money than I thought she did (she had a brand new car and was always buying nice new clothes).

She was spending about $1,000 more than she made every month.

To me, the answer was clear: she needed to cut back on spending and learn to live within her means.

Given that much of her spending was discretionary (clothes, home decor, eating out, etc.), it was totally possible to do.

But when I gave Alexa my analysis of her situation, she didn’t budge.

She had a lot of resistance around cutting back, and I couldn’t understand why. As I asked questions and we got deeper and deeper into her money story, I realized that this was a common theme in her family.

Alexa’s parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, and uncles all placed a high value on having the best of everything. New cars, high-quality furniture, designer clothes, HGTV-worthy homes.

The problem was (from what I could tell) they couldn’t actually afford it.

Money Vigilance

Of the four money scripts defined by Brad and Ted Klontz, this is the only one related to positive financial health. However, the money vigilant are not immune to money blocks, which can lead to over vigilance and negative behaviors.

People who fall into the money vigilant category are watchful, alert, and concerned about their financial well-being. They believe it’s important to work hard for money, save, and not give or be given handouts.

They’re more likely to use cash than credit cards. As a result, money vigilant individuals typically have higher income and net worth.

They also tend to be anxious about their finances and not share their financial status with others. They’re less likely to participate in unhealthy behaviors such as gambling, compulsive spending, ignoring their finances, and becoming financially dependent on others.

The problem for the money vigilant comes when they take saving and frugality to the extreme. In this case, they may have a difficult time spending and enjoying the money they’ve saved.

Associated Money Blocks:

I can’t trust anyone with my money.

People only want me for my money.

Making money is hard./I have to work hard for my money.

I shouldn’t spend money on myself or others.

Giving to the poor encourages laziness.

If you have nothing, then you have nothing to lose.

Money Vigilance in Action:

When I think of money vigilance, the first person that comes to mind is Ebenezer Scrooge. His character is the epitome of a miser — someone who hoards wealth and spends as little money as possible.

Poor Bob Cratchit is freezing to death because Scrooge refuses to spend money heating coals for the fire.

When asked to donate to charity, he spits a “Bah! Humbug!”

Granted, I would argue that Scrooge is a blend of money worshipper and money vigilance scripts, but you get the picture!

Being attentive to your money is important. But being too attentive can lead to some negative and self-destructive behaviors.

Self-sabotage is like a game of mental tug-of-war. It’s the conscious mind versus the subconscious mind where the subconscious mind always eventually wins.     – Bo Bennett

How to Overcome Your Money Blocks

The first step in overcoming your money blocks is building awareness.

By now, you’ve probably identified at least a couple of your own limiting beliefs. That in and of itself can be hugely transformational!

The next steps are to tear down your old beliefs, choose new ones to replace them, and implement actions that reinforce your new beliefs to really help them sink in.

Tear Down Your Old Beliefs

The thing about most of our old beliefs (AKA money blocks) is that they’re not entirely false. There’s usually some truth to them. That’s what makes it so hard to let them go.

For example, let’s say you have the belief that money is bad or that money corrupts people.

There are without a doubt some bad things that have happened in the world in the name of money. And there are people with lots of money who do terrible things.

Corrupt government officials who take money from corporations. Scam artists who rob innocent people and make a fortune. Big businessmen who use their money as a weapon to obtain positions of power.

These types of situations reinforce the belief that money is bad or corrupt. So how do we tear them down?

Start with two simple steps:

Ask questions

Find contradicting evidence

Ask Questions

I’m a firm believer in questioning everything.

Your education, actions, beliefs, societal norms, all of it.

And when it comes to your beliefs, the first question is: Where does this come from and why do I believe it?

In many cases, you’ll realize that the thought isn’t even your own. It’s been passed down to you by family, society, culture, etc. Once you identify the source, you can start to detach yourself from the belief.

Next, ask yourself, Do I really believe this is true? Is it always true?

Find Contradicting Evidence

Your money blocks may be partial truths, but they’re never accurate 100% of the time. Look for real-life examples that contradict those negative beliefs.

Going back to “money is evil,” there are countless stories of the wonderful things that money can do.

Bill Gates and Oprah Winfrey are two common examples of wealthy philanthropists. Each has given away millions, if not billions, of dollars of their own money to various charitable causes.

But that’s just one example of how money can do good in the world. Look for some in your own life.

Maybe money allowed you to go on a nice vacation last summer, host a family dinner, or donate to a cause you love.

The purpose behind asking questions and contradicting your beliefs is to weaken them. That way we can begin to replace them with new, constructive beliefs.

Choose Your New Beliefs

Creating your new money beliefs is sort of like choosing good money affirmations. You want them to be positive, simple, empowering, and set in the present tense.

And, most importantly, you want your new beliefs to support your conscious goals and desires.

If you want to make a lot of money but you subconsciously believe money is evil and having it would make you a bad person, then you’re never going to allow yourself to have the money you want.

Your new belief might look something like this: Money supports my happiness and is a tool that I use to do good in the world.

Whenever you feel your old belief creeping up, make the conscious decision to think, write down, and say out loud your new money belief.

Here are some other ways to sink those suckers in:

Visualization Exercises

Imagery is a powerful tool to help reaffirm your new beliefs.

Visualize what it will look like when your belief is your reality. Going off our example above — money supports your happiness, but what does that look like to you?

Imagine your ideal day. What would you eat/see/do? How and with whom would you spend your time? Where would you go? What causes would you support?

Visualize yourself going through your ideal day, from sunrise to sunset.

Bedtime Affirmations