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one-sad-human · 3 years

Text

•Pinky Promises• Steven Adler

Pairing: Steven Adler x Reader, Axl Rose x Sibling! Reader

Requested? Yup! By an anon

Theme: Angst(?) to fluff

Warnings: Language, sexual references but nothing explicit

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: Fic 1 of 2! Hope you enjoy! Also, the makeout near the end gets sorta hot and it was pretty fun to write? Like I’m considering exploring into writing smutter pieces. I didn’t want to originally because I thought I’d cringe all the way through and hate the result but I might try it out in the near future. Nothing too crazy but it’s something for me to think about.

You step off of the large bus, your combat boots hitting the ground as you adjust the bag slung over your shoulder. It's stuffed to the brim with whatever you threw in, you're surprised the zipper did burst.

You take a deep breath of the LA air. It's hot and humid and despite the thick air pollution, you can breath easier than you did in Indiana.

You grew up in Lafayette, Indiana with your older half-brother William. You were raised in the hellish house with your shared father, which you finally managed to escape.

William left right at eighteen. He tried taking you with him, but you didn't want him to be charged with kidnapping and have the cops on his ass. Now, two years and your father's stolen wallet later, you're finally in the city of dreams.

"Will!" You yell out, spotting your redheaded other half.

"Y/N!" He mocks, catching your figure in a crushing hug. He's taller than you, so you have to stand on your tippy toes during the embrace. "Thank God you're alright."

"I'm fine, I'm happy to finally see you again," you say, a huge grin on your face. "How's the band? Everything going well?"

"Well enough," he says with a shrug, grabbing your heavy bag and slinging it around his shoulder. "Come on, I'll introduce you to the guys. You already know Izzy of course, but the rest of them."

The walk to the 'hell house' as Will had called it is filled with catching up. He made sure to keep in contact with you, but the phone calls were always short. It felt nice to have a full length conversation in person with your brother again.

"Welcome home," Will says, leading you into the house. You grimace when you catch a whiff of stale beer and weed.

"You seriously live here? This place should be condemned," you say with disgust.

"And then where would we live?" The oh-so familiar voice of Will's best friend meets your ears. You whip around and fly into his arms.

"Jeffery! I missed you so much! You really should've tried calling, you ass!" You exclaim. Izzy rolls his eyes but smiles nonetheless, patting your back during the hug.

"Who's this?" Another man enters the living room— if that's what it should even be called. He's blonde, taller than you but shorter than the other two men in the room. He has kind eyes and the smile he has on his handsome face leaves you speechless.

"U-uh, hi. I'm Y/N," you say after a moment of shameless gawking. If he noticed, he doesn't mention it.

"Oh that's right! Axl talks a lot about you! I'm Steven," he says and bounds up to you, catching your hand in a shake. You don't question who the hell 'Axl' is, but you smile stupidly at him and bite your lip with a blush staining your face.

"No," Will says, glaring at the cute blonde you've taking an immediate liking to. "Absolutely not."

"William!" You squeak out, pinching his shoulder harsher. He yelps and swats your hand away. Will glares further at you as he ushers you up the creaky stairs to your room. "Nothing happened! And who the fuck is 'Axl'?"

"I saw how you were looking at him! I'm not naive, Y/N. You were giving him the 'fuck me' eyes! And me, everyone calls me Axl here." You give him a look. "Except you, of course. You can call me Will."

You don't give him another word as he leads you to your bedroom. He was the one who didn't have a roommate before, and he'd have to share with Slash now but he was determined to give you your privacy.

"This is the only room with a working lock, use it. Especially when your changing! Three horny men in a house with one you isn't a good combo." You make a face and shake your head, but you can't really tell if he's being overprotective or if his band mates really are pigs.

"Are you not including Izzy?"

"Please, he's the only smart one besides me. He knows I'll rip him a new one." You laugh and give Will another hug.

"I've really missed hanging out with you like this, and thank you for letting me stay here." He nods and rubs your back.

"No problem, we have each other's backs, always." You nod and release your bother from the hug. "One rule though: no hooking up with the guys. One time thing or not, you don't know them like I do, I won't let you get hurt. So don't even try anything with Steven!"

"Even if it's nothing sex?" Will levels you with a look that would make you sweat if you were anyone else. You sigh and roll your eyes. "Fine! I promise."

"Pinky promise?" He asks, holding out his pinky finger. You shake your head but comply anyway, hooking your pinky on his.

"Wow, bringing out the big guns, pinky promises," you tease.

"Bitch," he mumbles. You gasp sarcastically.

"Asshole!" You reply. William takes his leave with another slew of insults under his breath but none to be taken seriously and all with a smile. You shut your door after him and lay on your bed, content with how things are finally beginning to look up.

If you knew where you would be in just a few months of living with your brother and his band, you never would've agreed to the naive promise Will had forced on you. You think back to the day with a frown.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" Steven asks, pecking your bare shoulder as he lays behind you on your bed. You both lay naked and damp with sweat, glowing from the moonlight streaming in the room.

"William," you say with a sigh.

"We just had sex and your thinking of your brother? Should I be worried about you?" Steven asks teasingly. You fight the smile growing on your face and lightly pinch the his arm tightly wrapped around you. He never fails to make you laugh.

"I just feel bad keeping this a secret from him." You turn around to be face to face with Steven. "It's been months of sneaking around. I'm always nervous we'll get caught together or I'll blurt it out to him."

"Then why don't we just tell him?"

"Do you want to die! Steven, honestly, do you have a death wish?"

"No, but—"

"Then we can't tell my brother we're together. He'll murder you, and then probably me one he finds out how long I've been lying to him," you say and move your head in the crook of Steven's neck.

"Then we can be together in the afterlife!" Steven folds his arms around you even tighter. "Seriously though, we can't lie to him forever. We've been together for six months already, surely he'll see how much we care about each other and not want to kill us."

"Yeah, maybe," you say halfheartedly and close your eyes, finally letting yourself fall asleep.

The next night, Guns has a gig at the Whiskey A-Go Go. The ritual goes like it has been, they play the gig, you wait for Will to get drunk, and you and Steven sneak out to the back of the club to make out and maybe get felt up a bit before returning like nothing happened.

It isn't different this time. Steven's hands leave your skin ablaze as he lets them wander down your sides and up your thighs. His lips don't leave yours, even as he squeezes your ass and you let out a moan. He grins on your mouth and presses his pelvis up to your stomach.

His mouth leaves yours to press feather light kisses to your cheek before trailing down your jaw and onto your neck, where he sucks nips at. You have to press a hand to your mouth to stay quiet.

"Don't leave marks," you remind him through batted breath.

"I won't," he reassures and silences you with a chaste kiss to your swollen lips before returning his attack on your neck.

You hear footsteps fast approaching, but as quickly as you hear them, Steven is ripped away from you. He's slammed into the brick wall next to you harshly and groans. You jump away and gasp.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" William asks, his voice lower than usual. His green eyes dark and downright scary.

"Will! Let him go, come on. Stop fucking around, you didn't have to slam him into a wall," you say, but your shaky voice falls on deaf ears as Will doesn't move. Your hands grasp at his arm and try to yank him away from Steven, but he's stronger and taller than you and doesn't budge, he just keeps his eyes focused on Steven.

"Nothing!" He squeaks out. Even in the dark, his kiss bruised lips and flushed red face is obvious.

"'Nothing?' That's why you were ten seconds away from fucking Y/N?" Will asks.

"William stop it! You're scaring me! Leave him alone!" You push him again and this time, he relents. Will paces and runs his hand through his red locks while you rush to make sure Steven is ok.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Steven mutters and presses a kiss to your brow to comfort you, sending you a smile when he pulls away. He keeps his hands on your arms and rubs circles with his thumbs.

"How long has this been going on?" Will asks, crossing his arms as he finally stops his pacing.

"Six months..." Steven says nervously. William scoffs and shakes his head. "But it isn't just fucking around! I love them, Ax. Really."

You smile bashfully, biting your lip to try and contain it. You knew you felt strongly for Steven and that he returned the feelings, but you haven't outright said you loved each other— until know of course.

Will stays silent for a few beats, staring contemplative at Steven. He finally sighs, bring a hand up to rub his temples like he has a building headache.

"Yeah? And you love him, Y/N?" He asks. You nod, reaching out to grab Steven's hand. Steven lets a grin creep on to his face. "Then I guess I can't stop you. But if you ever break their heart, I'll fucking gut you, Adler."

If Will makes Steven nervous, he doesn't show it. He gives him a salute with his puppy dog like smile before sticking out his pinky.

"I promise I'll never hurt Y/N purposely, ever." Will rolls his eyes, the irony makes him nearly groan aloud. He sucks it up anyway when he sees your hopeful expression, hooking his pinky onto Steven's.

"Don't make me regret this, Steven," Will grumbles before leaving and walking back into the crowded club. Steven lets out an exhilarated laugh and kisses you, hard.

"Told you he wouldn't kill me!" Steven exclaims, making you laugh out of surprise.

"And we don't have to sneak around anymore!" Steven kisses you again, and again and again until you're breathless.

"I'm so in love with you," he mumbles between his attack on your lips. You smile, tangling your hands in his aqua-net filled hair.

"As I am with you."

#classic rock imagine #guns n’ roses #guns n’ roses x reader #guns n’ roses imagine #80s #steven adler fluff #steven adler imagine #steven adler x reader #steven adler #axl rose x reader #axl rose imagine #axl rose fanfic #axl rose

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g-lbertblythe · 4 years

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Loving You Is A Losing Game

Pairings: Rafe Cameron x the reader, JJ Maybank x the reader

Summary: You decided to go after Sarah when she had got lost with John B. In order to find her, you have to save JJ from Rafe first.

Could be some grammer and spelling mistakes.

What the hell was going on?

You asked yourself because Sarah wasn't around for you to ask her. She left the Midsummer party that was in honor of his father. There's got to be a good reason for that, you thought to yourself. You were curious and a little bit worried about her whereabouts. You've seen her with one of the pogues, with John B the other day. He was working for Cameron's and known for his really crowded beach parties. You have seen him and Sarah at the dock and she was suspiciously acting different since then and it wasn't even that long ago. Also you could literally sense in the air that something's off. Not knowing what's happening driving you crazy, you got to know. You see Rafe and Topper chatting, they must know something. On your way to them, you spotted the waiter and stopped him. You didn't recognize the blonde until he turned around and face you. His shirt was not in order, there was a cut on his lower lips left side and the way he holds the tray was so loose, he was too close to drop it and it even got one empty glass on it. You knew the guy, he was JJ and you knew he was friend with John B who you think with Sarah right now because you saw her and him talking just before she got lost. You had questions about that. Lots of questions. Before you were able to approach to Sarah and John B, they were nowhere in sight like in blink of an eye. You only went to talk to some boring people for a second because your mother eyed you to do so.

"Are you working here?" You asked and it sounded more suspicious than you intend to be, your eyebrow went a little up without your willing.

"No I just like serving drinks to kooks for fun." He said violently. "Purpose of my life."

You ignored what he said and decided to turn this into an advantage. "I want tequila. Please."

"You are a minor." He said examining you up and down. Then his eyes met yours. He was a minor, too.

" Like you're the most sensitive person about minor drinking."

"I'll be back within a second." He said in a tone that is not very convincing. You were sure he wasn't even here for working. He was the living proof that something was going on.

JJ was about to leave the pary because his misson was done, he had delivered John B's message to Sarah, now he got to get out of here. Then he noticed Rafe and Topper and couple of his other friends saw him. He paced up his steps as he saw they were coming his way. Now, he got to get out of here really fast, preferably before getting beating up.

When Rafe punched him in the face at the second of floor of the Cameron's household, he once more decided that he was sick of getting beaten up but there were four of them. Still he pushed Rafe of off him and ready to attack but somebody else hold him and he got another beat in his stomach.

There was no way out of here. He got himself trapped, how much of a stupid idea to get in the house when everyone else was outside? He sweared himself inside.

"What the hell?" JJ heard a voice that doesn't belong to none of the boys who were beating him currently. He was grateful because the voice of the source made them stop. Rafe let go of his collar but still someone else holding him still so he can't slip out.

Rafe walked forward to the entrance while wiping the blood on his hand. "Just go Y/N. Nothing to see here."

JJ saw you standing at the doorsill, totally shocked by the scene in front of you. You looked at JJ's bloody face and noticed that he's breathing noisily. God, it's good that you followed him in here. They were about to bash him up.

Then you turned to Rafe, probably he was the person who's responsible for what's happening here. "You're about to murder someone and you want me to stay away from it?" You asked Rafe who looks like not patient enough to listen to what you have to say. "Let him go." You cut it short.

"We aren't murdering him, we are just teaching him a second lesson about not taking a step here ever again. Isn't that right?" Rafe turned to JJ and slapped his face in fake friendly way. It made JJ aggressively try to free himself from Topper who's holding him behind but Topper had a firm grip on him.

"I'll call the security." You threatened Rafe, he thought you won't do it even though the expression you put on your face was telling him the other way. He knew you had a soft spot for him as he does for you. He got to that conclusion because you were distant and cold with people you don't know and always hide behind smart sentences. You rarely show affection to the ones you do love but he always finds you very caring and sympathetic around him. And the the same thing goes for him. That's why he knew you wouldn't say anything.

He just laughed and was ready to punch JJ again.

"You think I won't do it?" You tried to stop him but he punched him so hard on some part of JJ's body you couldn't see. JJ moaned with pain. Then Rafe again turned to you with his evil smirk on his face. God, you knew him since you were kids. How did he get this way? He wasn't like this. Maybe never an angel but not this satanic sadistic person either. He wasn't known with his kindness to other people but you had a chance to get to know him more than anyone because your relationship with Sarah enable you to know each other since you were kids. He was just hurt like everybody else, he only had a very unpleasant way of showing it.

"The security is here to protect us from people like him. They won't do a shit."

You know until the security comes they would still beat him to death and got away with it because you were all rich and the security,indeed, were for them. You were the ones who were paying them.

Rafe got closer to you and tried to put his hand on your cheeks but you blocked him. "Look, I don't want you to witness what's happening here. Just go downstairs and enjoy the party. We wouldn't want your lovely dress to get dirty." He said, looking at your eyes as he was waiting for acceptance from you but you only glared at him. God, he could be the greatest ass sometimes.

"I'm calling your mom." You passed through Rafe and walk towards to Topper. "I am sure she wouldn't be pleased to hear his son is a some sort of vigilante now. Don't you think?" You could see the fear of what his mother migt do when she finds out in Topper's eyes. His looks went between me and Rafe but he eventually let JJ go. Rafe gave him a disappointed and angry look as he was passing by Rafe in order to leave the room but Topper shrugged his shoulders and said "What?". Topper's giving up meant the others had no other choice than withdrawal.

Everybody knew how much strict his mother was and he would do anything to please her. They did had to leave even though they didn't want to. You made sure by watching them get out of the room. When everybody was gone, you kneeled next to JJ. He was wiping the blood on his face with his white shirts sleeves.

"Are you okay?" You asked watching him do what he does and be careful to give him enough space he wouldn't elbow you in the process of clearing his face.

He just nodded and whispered something that sounds like a thanks. Kept brushing his face until all of his sleeves were all red. His old bruise on his lip was renewed and had new companions. He whimpered whenever he touched the parts close to the bone. The way he cleans his face was so fast as If he just wants to be finished as soon as possible and leave. Or it was just a regular and boring procedure for him because most of the times you see him, you see him with bruised face. It must have been a pogue thing, you guessed. You heard that he has a gun too.

You kept watching his hand movements until he stopped and looked at you curiously. Wondering what you were still doing here and you've been watching very carefully. He didn't even tried to stop himself from staring at you. You were waiting , your hands on on your legs, to him to be finished. You guessed he was done. "I want something in return."

"Of course you want." He rolled his eyes. He attempted to get up, put his hand on his sides to balance himself. You pulled yourself back and also got up.

"Do you know where Sarah is?" You asked.

"How can I know that? Aren't you her bestfriend?" He said, he held his stomach. Probably was hurting because of all the kicking and all. Still, he had enough energy to lie to you. You knew he has something to do with Sarah's absence. You were not a fool, in fact, you were an excellent observer.

"Okay, you decided you wanna play this game. " You got closer to him so he could see your face clearly. It's time to be intimidating now and show him you'd know more than he thinks you know."I know she's with John B. Something is going on and I have to know. I am sure you know where they are."

He didn't seem so affected by your intimidating voice. He just looked at your eyes blankly. "Did you ever wonder why your bestfriend didn't tell you anything? "

You were actually obsessed with this thing because of that.Sarah would tell you everything, well except this but you never thought it was because she wanted it to keep it hidden from particularly you. You didn't let JJ get into your head. "None of your business. Now tell me where she is."

"I am telling you nothing." He said daringly and started walking out. Why he was so secretive about where she is? You got suspicious more and more but this time even worried.

"I'm just worried about her." Your voice had softened and you thought that's why he stopped. You knew how much pogues are protective and interdepent about each other. "This isn't like her."

"You'll talk to her when she gets back. " He turned back. "Don't worry we don't bite." Walked out the door without you got a chance to answer him.

You started following him, he heard the loud sound that your heels left on the floor and carelessly, turned back to check if it was you. He didn't stop walking and didn't even say anything about you following him. You watched him behind as his hair went up and down with his every big step. You caught up to him, you had to run, he was so fast. He just gave you a glimpse when you were in the same alingment.

"I'll call the security." You said, having hard times keeping up with him. "You obliviously sneaked into the party. Attacked the guests."

"I didn't attack the guests, I was just minding my own business, they attacked me." He protested as he kept pacing, not even facing you. He was so focused on leaving here. Yet again, he turned to you as his face had a new expression: confused. "You just saw them."

"Well, I think the security would rather believing me than believing a notorious delinquent." He stopped walking and his whole body and his face met with your lifted brow and smirking in pleasure of having an advantage face. He got little steps towards you and squinted his eyes but in a amusing way.

"Are you blackmailing me?" He said that in very offending way. He heard you are a smart mouth but he always thought you were a quiet, minding her own business type of person. It was the first time you two are actually talking. He didn't expect you to be so, well, demanding and persistent.

"No. " You said softly. "I'm just giving you conceivable reasons to tell me where Sarah is. That's all."

He chuckled looking at the ground with a little head shake but he poked his cheek with his tongue to contain himself. He was in a hurry. When he managed to get a firm face, your eyes met. "Call the security If you want, they'll just throw me away but I'm already leaving" He said and gave you an fake smile and begin to walk again. "Try something else." He said at your failed attempt but you saw it as a dare. He took a quick turn unexpectedly. It made you almost trip and left you behind him. You noticed he did that avoid something. Someone. It strucked you in that moment. You looked back to confirm. He startled because he spotted Rafe's friends near the stairs standing.

"You know Rafe would like to know your whereabouts. " You stopped him and pointed with your finger where Kelce and Jeremy drinking and talking to each other so loudly. It looked like they are fighting. " It looks like he's not giving up." This time he looked indecisive about what to do. His eyed for a way out. He nearly growled in frustration. You found the voice amusing but didn't laugh. You wanted him to take you seriously.

"I'll get you out of here without you getting beaten up again, If you take me to Sarah. Is that where you're going, isn't it?" He squinted his eyes, deciding his next move. You were afraid he might start running, you wouldn't be able to catch him If he did.

Fortunately, he chose not to run away, probably haven't noticed you're not fast enough. He turned on his heels and muttered angrily. "Just take me to the beach."

You tried to hide your excitement over getting what you seek. Contrary the general idea, your life was dull as fourth season of a really bad tv series. It was your first time you had so much attraction in one night. You felt guilty as soon as you thought this was a adventurous night. Your friend was nowhere to be found for god sake, you said to yourself. And you had something very important to say her.

You spotted Rafe and Topper at the other side of the floor, waiting for JJ to show up. Before you get too close to Rafe and Topper, you two stop to think your way out.

"There's no way we can go that way. Let's try the other way. " He said hiding himself behind a column.

"What other way? There's no other way." You said checking constantly if they see you.

"We can jump from the window?" He suggested like it is an easy thing to do. He must have no idea how high is this house.

"This is the second floor." You felt like stating because he seems so down with the idea.

"So?" He said, finding very weird that you object. His blonde hair swinged from his head shaking. His face was covered in bruises, one on his right cheeck bone, some on his jawline. He squinted his eyes even though it must have hurt to do it.

"I am not jumping from the second floor. " You emphasized. "I am wearing a dress."

He took a glimpse of what you were wearing. It was a long black dress that covers your breats and waist perfectly. It was so long that hems of it were mostly sweeping the ground. Your hair was a loose bun, it looked very natural although there were so many daisy clasps on your hair in the name of the Midsummer.

"You'll get a new one." He said. "I am jumping of the window, you can stay here with your pretty dress. " Before he was about to leave he checked out your dress once more. "I really mean the last part." He winked. You didn't take anything he said seriously. There was no way you are jumping of the window. You stopped him by holding his arm. The second he stopped and faced you, you let go. "You are already hurt. You can't jump. I have a better idea. The safer way out."

"I don't need to do a safer way." He said in a low voice.

"You are one dangerous guy, yes, so I've noticed." You heard the some of the words of Rafe and Topper so you checked once more If they could see you. When you made sure that they don't you turned your head to JJ. "Don't worry, this won't spoil your reputation, bad guy. I'll distract them, you go behind their back, okay?"

He nodded in agreement. You intend to take action, you had another thought. He could've leave without you when he got downstairs. "You wouldn't bail me on, would you?" You asked him, directly looking at his really blue eyes to see if they match his answer or not. You sincerely wanted to trust him but not entirely sure that he won't leave you.

He was taken aback the look upon your face, your eyes wandered his so tensely he got nervous. And what you said or the way you said it. He couldn't be sure but it sounded from the heart. "No. " He said, trying to make it sound reassuring.

You nodded slowly before you stopped the eye contact with him, you made sure he wasn't faking it until the last moment. Eventually took his words although you weren't hundred percent convinced but still went through your plan again in your head once more. You took a deep breath and turned on your heels and made your way to Rafe. "Wait for my signal." You said only turning your head back to JJ.

"Hey!" He grabbed your hand and made you face him."What signal?"

"I don't know." You said. "You'll know it when you see it. Stay close."

JJ murmured under his breath when you joined the two kooks in tuxedos. He got closer to three of you and hid behind a large posh plant. It had wide leaves to cover him perfectly.

"Rafe, can I talk to you?" You said after giving them a slight greeting with your head. Rafe blinked a few times after placing his hands on his pockets. You turned to Topper. "Could you get us something to drink?" You smiled politely.

As Topper attempt to leave, he was stopped by Rafe. "She wants you to leave us alone." Rafe said only eye contacting with you. " There's no need for drinks." Added this time talked directly at Topper.

"Yeah, I figured that out." Topper said in confusion before he went down. Rafe had to made sure that he made you feel like you were not a mystery to him. So stating the oblivious was his way of proving it but you didn't consider too much. He was always a little uncomfortable and a little happy that you always psychoanalyze him. You often tend to be right. You knew he was feeling like the black sheep of the family and how much he wanted his father love and approval. You thought the reason hidden behind his aggressive behaviors was this. You knew he wasn't bad underneath it all. You have witnessed it. Otherwise he wouldn't be taking his little sisters little friend so seriously. Somehow you were sure that he cares about you, in his own way at least.

You took Topper's former place as soon as he left, therefore Rafe had to turn his back on the stairs as you planned. You looked at JJ's direction without being noticed by Rafe. You saw his hair and his eyes, watching you two talk. You were glad he didn't go to jump from a window.

"What was tonight all about?" You questioned him. He was standing tall, his chin up a little too proud way and a smirk on his face. It was a disturbing smile but then again a smile at least. It was a rare thing to detect on his face lately.

"Well, it's about my father's contributions to -"

You rolled your eyes at his not so funny explanation. "I meant the shenanigans you pull in your little Fight Club?"

"Shenanigans?" He laughed looking at the ground. He was taller than you so he had to look down to meet his eyes with yours. "We had unclosed business, nothing more than that."

"Why are you doing this?" You asked him when you remembered his mood when you caught him beating JJ. It was scary, like something took over him. "This won't make your father notice you."

You normally don't get this subject but you had to draw his attention and nothing mattered to him more than being a bad son.

"I don't need you to give me a therapy, okay?" He got pretty aggressive quickly. His blue eyes got wider and he nearly spit on your face while talking. The rare smile was gone and his usual angry expression was back. Then you noticed how red his eyes are.

"I am not. I just felt an urge to warn you. The things you do will end up biting you in the ass."

"No, it's not how things work. I am just protecting what's mine, do you understand? If you're worried about that shithead, he only barks at his own territory. "

You find it hard to understand his hatred for pogues. You wanted to change the conversation because Rafe was getting angrier and you saw JJ can hear you talk and he doesn't look like he was happy with what heard or patient enough to listen to it any longer.

"I am not worried about him. I am worried about you." You said but felt like you must continue because it sounded too sentimental for your taste or Rafe's taste. "Your dad already gives you little allowance, you'll end up with nothing."

"He won't do anything If you say nothing to him or to Sarah. She wouldn't keep her mouth shut for once. " He said, you knew the threading tone in his voice comes from a habit, from his urge to protect himself from everyone. If you didn't know him any better you wouldn't know he's actually asking you not to tell anybody. He was different and mostly, difficult to understand, you think that's why his relationship with everyone was really bad. Nobody could see his real intentions behind his sick behaviors. You couldn't blame anyone, it wasn't easy to detect or once you detect it wasn't easy to sustain.

"Of course I am not going to say anything." As soon as he heard those words, he was relieved. His straight posture relaxed with an inhale, his jaw loosened and his eyes softened as he gained his good mood. He put on his crooked smile and it made the wrinkles near his mouth appear and his eyes had a similar vibe. "You can't resist me."

And the expected happened, him flirting with you for fun was the way of figuring out if he's in a good state. "Well, as much as I'd tell myself stop finding you charming when you're beating the shit out people, can't help it."

JJ could hear the things you talked and quite surprised seeing Rafe like he's...happy. Or decent for once. He thought the possibility of Rafe liking someone and the whole thing would sound so surreal if he hadn't witnessed his looks towards you. He felt bad for you though, it was Rafe after all. Then he wondered If you liked him too -because who would survive a moment with Rafe without feeling pure hatred at the end? You looked like you actually care about him. You must be a fool to like Rafe of all people, he thought. Then he remind himself he should keep himself aware of every act of you, so he wouldn't miss your "signal".

"Dont be so surprised of yourself. " said Rafe. "It's so obvious you are a bad boy loving type of girl."

You let out really loud laughter, there were even tears in the corners of your eyes. He watched you laugh with a satisfied smile on his face that he caused it.

"Bad boy loving type of girl?" You said continue to laugh, maybe more than before. You really found the way he put it very amusing. "If you were a bad boy before, you got yourself off the hook with that sentence. " You said a few seconds you calmed yourself.

"You don't deny it." Rafe said, with an intense look in his eyes. It made you a little terrified, you forgot you were laughing seconds ago. Everything with Rafe was so tense.

"Deny what? That I like bad boys?"

Rafe nodded and waited for you answer as the other blonde did wonder the same thing. JJ felt like you caught up with your conversation and forgot that he's there waiting for you to rescue him but also he was caught up with it too. He found himself guessing Rafe might be right about something for the first time in his life. JJ felt disgusted with himself agreeing with Rafe but you were kind of girl who looks so tough like nothing could hurt you. They way you talk, the way you move like simple things as you lift your eyebrows or smile- they looked distant, arrogant and so satisfied with yourself. You looked like you are not easy to break but you were pretty sure and made everyone sure of that you could break another, could read their minds. In his brief interaction with you, JJ could easily picked this things up. People like you thinks they can fix anything, so also made JJ think you would like the danger and the attraction of a bad boy, would try to make him want to be better. It was so clichè maybe but still felt like it.

"Do you really think I'm that transparent?" You asked Rafe, you wanted to know if he thinks he got you all figured out. "What made you come to that conclusion?"

Rafe shrugged like he don't know but his eyes beg to difference. "Just a hunch."

"Well, as we all know, I didn't have much experience about this things. I am neutral. "You said even bringing up your non existing love life was not a comfortable subject for you.

"You have no experience of anything really but you act like you know everything." He said as a reference to the disagreement you two had about weed and the heavy stuff he takes. These words were the part of his indestructible defence of how harmless it is him getting high on a daily basis.

"I don't need to get high every time I got a chance and loose my shit to know it's bad. I'd have you known I was the one you begged for money, I was the one who saved your ass from your psycho dealer." You got so angry with him in light of speed. Everytime he promises not use it but he ends up doing it again.

"I said I'll pay you back, okay?" He sounded so used up with this talk again.

You rolled you eyes, you really hold yourself to not scream at his face. "I don't want you to pay me. I want you stop smoking it."

You had your eyebrows knitted, it made your forehead hurt. You didn't stop the eye contact with him but he did. He didn't like to be told what he should do. His jaw clenched but he was still so calm compared to other times. He would be gone right now if it's has been someone else.

You grabbed his chin and made him look at you. His eyes checked if it was your hand who touches his face because you never liked any physical contact unless it is so necessary. After he made sure it was you he was going to say something about it but he saw you way too frustrated with himself he didn't go for it. You always got so mad about this.

"You think that I don't notice your red eyes? " You asked and slowly left his smooth chin but the look upon your face stayed the same. "Stop doing this to yourself."

"Don't tell me what to do!" He said clenching his teeth, trying not to go too far with you. Still, he sounded as mad as you.

You remembered the presence of JJ, you got too carried away with Rafe you totally forgot what you came for in the first place and you didn't like he hears this private conversation about Rafe. Without getting caught, you checked if he is still there. You saw the tips of his hair behind the tree, and you knew he was looking at you although his eyes weren't in sight. Still, this talk with Rafe was way important than anything right now. Hell if he hears, why would he care?

"Do I have to remind you that Barry was here to hurt you, Rafe? Not to ask nicely, to actually hurt you physically? " You started whispering, got nervous about JJ hearing you guys talk but worse someone else might too. Rafe, as a typical addict, didn't like to hear this things so he was moving away and not facing you. He was wishing for you stop nagging about this.

"He came to the club Rafe! He threatened you and me!" You said trying to be in his sight as he kept turning his head to any sight you are not in.

"He won't do that you again, okay? " He said, locked his eyes to yours and looked like he's reliving the day in his mind. He got the same terrifying look. He spilled words after words in anger, repeating himself. You couldn't interrupt him, he wasn't breathing between the sentences. "I won't get you involved again okay? I made sure he won't try to hurt you. Or anyone else. He will never come to anywhere near you or my family. I took care of it. Do you understand? I won't let him. And I'll will pay you back. Promise. Do you believe me?"

You wanted to say so many things to him but it was obvious he was not in the right state of my mind to understand anything logical you have to say. He had to get cleaned up but all his dad was pushing him away and it made Rafe go more stray. You knew how crushing it feels being the less loved child of the family just because you are who you are. You knew Rafe mostly assume you help him because you feel accomplished when he's desperate. He once said it to you he feels like time to time although he knows your relationship with your mom. The truth is you see yourself in him sometimes. Now, seeing his eyes got blurred up and longing for someone to believe in him, simply just to love him, made you almost cry.

"You belive me, right Y/N?" He found himself asking again. Replaced both of his hands in your arms. Sometimes he couldn't stop the flowing of feelings inside of him, all the words were out of his mouth before he could put them in an order. Your eyes were staring into his, he could see there were something in them but you not saying anything was driving him mad.

"I do. "

"You do?" Rafe said with a broken smile, he had to check again to make sure what he heard was real.

" I do. I really do." You said once more with louder, certain tone. The words, they didn't feel enough him to understand. His pink lips were shaped as a smile but there were tears ready to drop in the corner of his eyes. You hold his body with your arms that he already has a grab on and closed the gap between you two. His hands moved up from your elbow to to your back and they ended up holding you so tight there, you felt you could never get out of it if he doesn't let you. You placed your head on his right shoulder, trying not to feel so sorry for him, you might burst into tears. You wouldn't like crying in front of him. All he needed a little love, all children wants to be loved by their parents. It was fundamental and when you don't receive it, you got so messed up inwardly, it might never be healed by anything. Both of you needed it but you knew neither of you could provide that to each other. Still, you could try. You whispered into his hears, making sure of your voice is the only thing gets into his head. "You'll make everything right, okay?"

"Okay." He said and repeated it more than once, trying to convince you. He didn't want to let down the only person who says that believes in him.

You startled instantly, hoped Rafe didn't sense it. With your left hand placed on Rafe's back, you waved JJ to let him know he should walk out now. When he saw you two hug, he was already preparing you to slip away but got scared that it's a brief hug and Rafe might turn his back and detect him. Surprisingly it was a long and intense hug he sees. As he saw your signal, he took action. On his tiptoes but still so quickly he made his way to the stairs and got lost in seconds. On his way, he wondered, did you planned this hug so Rafe can't see him escape or did it occur unintentionally?

You let your hands off of Rafe and it was a cue for him to let you go. Being this melancholic wasn't good for any of you. You don't like being vulnerable, especially around people. And you thought Rafe wouldn't like it either. Anyway, you had to go after JJ before he leaves without you. After you pulled away from each other, you moved a step back just in case. Being so close with Rafe or anyone felt so uncomfortable. Not that you didn't like Rafe, it was because something you didn't know or something you are afraid to admit. If you keep it going on and like the intimacy, you might never let it go.

"I have to go back to my duty to talk every dull guest and let them bore me with their questions about my future and present." You said. Rafe couldn't trace the emotions he saw in your eyes a minute ago. It was like they never happened. He didn't question for so long, you had a habit of ignoring anything troubling happening to you. And he went along with it.

"Why? Come with us to where the real fun is. "

"My mom makes me." You said and it was enough for him to understand to you have to do what she says to do. You obeyed everything she says to you but only her. You were really stubborn with Rafe.

"Don't have too much fun when I'm suffering." You said with a fake threatening look and smiled after that and he did as well. You took a few steps back to indicate that you are getting ready to leave.

"Don't have too much fun." He repeated with huge grin. "The motto of your life."

You rolled your eyes at him playfully and left him without saying anything in return. He was right.

As soon as you left the house, you headed towards to the beach, JJ said that's where he was going. You had to took off your heels when they met the sand. You kept hoping he's there waiting but as you got closer the sea, the darkness took over all the lights of the house you left behind. Nevertheless you kept moving into the darkness, you could hear the sound of the waves clearer but there was nothing in sight. You cursed yourself inwardly for trusting someone like JJ to return a favor. You felt so let down and the shoes in your hand was weighting you down or it was the disappointment. You weren't mad at JJ, you were mad at yourself for believing him.

Then, a little ahead of you, two weak ball of light appeared. You blinked few times to understand what it belongs to. It was something on the surface, it must be a boat, you guessed, then you heard a whisper. It was calling your name.

"Y/N?"

You smiled and make your way to the light. "JJ?" You asked as you ran. You were sure you heard him but not able to see him. As soon as he heard you reply, he was ready to poke Pope to turn on all the lights but Pope already took care of it. You saw the boy on the boat, standing in front of the control panel. You knew his name but never talked to him before really. Then you saw JJ waiting for you at the back of the boat. He looked better than before, happy to get out of there safe and sound and meet his friend here.

"I thought you left." You said with a relieved smile on your face you just cannot hide. He put on a similar one and it was the most genuine one you recieved from him all night.

"I thought you changed your mind." He said and extended a hand for you to climb the boat. You took it.

"You wish." As he pulled you and gave you a little smile.

To be continued.

#rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron #rafe x y/n #rafe cameron x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank #jj mayback x reader #outer banks

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scarecoen · 3 years

Text

Trigger warning ⚠️ domestic violence.

I've typed this story a million times so I'm just going to summarize as much as I can.

A few days ago I was assaulted by my partner's family members. And as I've mentioned, I've typed this a million times and I'm honestly just exhausted thinking about it, but we could use some help.

My partner has always had a transphobic family. (I don't have anyone but my dad, who's in no position to help anyone.)

Her mom used her disability against her and manipulated her into giving her MOST of her checks. She's abused the system and my girlfriend.

When I met Jackie, she was with a terrible biggot. Jackie had came out, and her mother conspired with an abusive long distance ex, to fly her here, to stage an "intervention" and stop my partner from transitioning.

It worked. For years.

I met Jackie here on tumblr, we became good, SECRET friends because she wasn't allowed to talk to anyone.

I told Jackie openly about my views regarding gender and how I myself, was not cis.

Eventually she told her partner about us playing games together, which she responded to by harassing me.

Jackie ended up spilling the beans to me, about her mom, about the ex, everything. I realized that she had been extremely isolated and controlled her whole life.

So I intervened.

I got the two of them to separate, which wasn't smooth because Jackie was scared. She had been with her abuser for 9 years at this point. She's never known anything else.

The ex moved back to her state, and I started seeing Jackie, although she was stuck at her mom's... who was trying to play innocent at this time.

Eventually, I kinda just came and picked her up, she stayed the night, she didn't want to go back home. And I can't blame her. The house wasn't only disgusting, her family microagressed her all the time and they would tell her to pretty much stay in a dark room all day.

Ofc I didn't bring her back.

During early quarantine, we had a lot of self reflection and she started distancing herself from her mother, coming around to holding her accountable for her horrible actions.

Her mom messaged her things like "Why won't you talk to me? It's like you're trying to punish us!" Ect, just every fucking manipulative thing she could say, without ever apologizing.

Unfortunately the place we were staying fell through when my best friend's ex husband decided he wants a divorce and decided to throw in some transphobic hatespeach towards me.

We were all looking for somewhere to go.

I'm sure you know where this is going but listen, she told us EVERYTHING we wanted to hear. She told us she's not hateful now, told us she would go to trans support groups, pride, said she's realized how much she loves Jackie and it's time to accept her- and look- we had NO WHERE TO GO. We have 2 cats and at the time, a car that has no a/c or functional locks. AND I have a chronic autoimmune condition that I recently started taking chemo meds for. (Methotrexate.)

I'm too sick to be on the street, and survive. I had to think about me, Jackie, Zoe, and Boops.

And Jackie wanted to go..

I told her we'd be cautious and try to get out asap.

Well, looking for places right when the housing market crashed really fucked us up. That- and because I had only just finally got approved for disability, means I was set back in life- and had no credit to my name. No credit= no place to live.

I had almost built enough, but things went down hill very quickly with her family. Which leads us to right now:

After weeks of microagressions, giving us breakthrough covid cases, yelling at us to clean other's messes, and forcing us and our cats to isolate in our room, many broken promises, and straight up transphobic hatespeach (because she promised to get vaccinated but then said nvm as soon as we moved in and she went on vacation and got covid and gave it to us, which nearly killed me--) she said not getting the vaccine "IS A CHOICE, JUST LIKE YOU BEING TRANS AND TAKING *gestures to my testosterone* THOSE DRUGS."

We just were avoiding each other while I desperately try to gather resources for us to get out, NOW.

Of course, that wasn't good enough, so when her step father messaged her in all caps about our cats having to stay in our room and "I WON'T FUCKING TELL YOU AGAIN" my partner had a breakdown..

Her mom had let her step dad talk to her like this her whole life, basically.

Out of desperation, we went to her sister for help, maybe hoping she'd give us a place to stay for two weeks while we sign off on the lease for our new apartment.

She pretended to want to help and even said... something fucking weird? She made the comment that I'm a good person and I'm so much like her own boyfriend, that it's "scary"...

A few hours later she came to the house. She talked nicely to us, to gain access to our bedroom.

Then she attacked me.

I called the police right before, and was on the phone with dispatch when she lunged at me because she was aggressively trying to MAKE Jackie go into a separate room WITHOUT ME and Jackie was saying no, BEGGING her to STOP.

I wasn't going to let her take Jackie into that room. She looked fucking crazy.

All of the family came into our room, her two sisters, her mom, and her cousin- When they heard yelling.

It was actually me telling her mom that she's a terrible mother, that triggered her sister to try and attack me- although I knew she was planning on trying to from the moment she came into our room.

And that was after her mom was screaming in my face that if I have something to say, say it now.

Dispatch heard everything and sent emt as well...

But the police stayed outside, talking to them for a WHILE before even asking for us.

Her cousin is the only one that would have stood up for me, saying her sister never should have tried to hit me. But he was in the room with Jackie, giving her support...

I faced the cops alone.

He already had "that look."

He shined a light into my eye, letting the family stay on the porch, throwing insults and just letting it happen. He asked me where I'm hurt, and before I could even show him the scratches on my arm, he said "how do I know YOU didn't put those there?"

I wanted to fucking die in that moment.

This is a conservative city.

No one has equality stickers here. No one flies gay flags. People here that are lgbt- they LEAVE.

This is EXACTLY WHY.

I said "well is there any reason I should tell you anything when, clearly, you're already bias?"

I looked at the emts. I looked at his partner. I looked at all the lights and people coming out of their houses-

And behind me was her family.

Her sister that assaulted me, was laughing about having work in the morning.

All of them were looking at me, with hate in their eyes.

He tried to feed me bullshit about "well if I'm taking someone to jail, there has to be proof."

He dismissed everything I attempted to say, until I just stared at the ground and he decided he did his job here.

I told him my whole fucking body hurts because I had 4 people fucking toss my 100lbs ass all over the fucking room, which was a mess that he refused to look at.

He said "I don't see bruises."

I SPAT "BRUISES TAKE TIME?"

He retorted IMMEDIATELY- "YOU'RE NOT EVEN RED."

I asked what about the dispatcher- she seemed concerned- to which he said "you see, sometimes when people call us- they scream and be dramatic- for a quicker response."

I asked what we could do while the two weeks go by for our new place, and he fucking said "I DONT KNOW. BARRICADE YOURSELF IN YOUR ROOM OR SOMETHING."

Needless to say, we are now safe, in a hotel and I've gotten in touch with a few lgbt organizations that are attempting to help us get justice.

Unfortunately because it's a holiday weekend, all we can do is wait right now.

Our first order of business is getting a protection order, so that we can retrieve the rest of our things without her sister trying to attack us again. (I say us because she kept jumping towards Jackie, like she was threatening to hit her.)

I've been so gaslit and victim blamed that I was too scared to go to the er, even though this all happened in the midst of a flare, possibly including my liver health.

There's so much more to this story, as I'm sure other trans people can relate.. unfortunately.

The emts reluctantly offered to take me to the er, but I was like "and leave my partner here with them?" And he just fucking shrugged dude.

I hate this city.

I want out so bad but unfortunately I've committed to a year, but at least it'll be *our* apartment.

We could NOT stay there for two more weeks. Her step dad is a violent offender that has attempted to murder a homeless prostitute over some fucking pocket change- and he has a GUN in the house.

This hotel might run us into a hole, despite it being the cheapest, shittiest hotel in town, it's still going to be about 700$ for ONE week.

To ADD INSULT TO INJURY, SOMEONE ATTEMPTED TO STEAL MY VEHICLE WHILE WE'VE BEEN STAYING HERE.

I'm feeling incredibly paranoid and unsafe, but I'm on anxiety meds now at least and its SORTA helping us cope (My partner and I have the same Dr and she gave her permission to have some.)

The organization BRAVO is trying to help us with a hotel voucher, but because of all the natural disasters, it's hard to find room in charity for people like us, which is fair enough. We aren't immediately on the street, and for that I'm incredibly thankful.

However, if you or anyone you know wish to help you can donate to venmo: kittyzibby. Or you could just signal boost this.

If you can't help, I understand. And IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING FINANCIALLY, don't worry about it, for real.

Right now I'm just scared we'll go into debt before getting the apartment settled in.

I will update on things once our case moves along more, and we were already considering turning to OF sexwork before all of this, so if there could be support that way, maybe we'll get that going once we get moved in. That way, I feel good about providing a service in return.

Thank you so much for sticking with us during all of this. And really- we're doing much better today. We've given each other pep talks, but we are still determined to start our lives together.

Her family was merely trying to scare me away from her, but I got my girl's name tatted on me for a reason.

I know I'm not the bad person here.

Every time Jackie is feeling more gender euphoric, and showing me her changes, and seeing her get more confident, the more I know that what I'm doing with and for her, is right.

I love her so much. And I will never abandon her, like they tried to get me to do.

Jackie is taking a break from some socials, but she's given me permission to talk about what's been happening.

She needs justice too.

I will update as much as I can, but seriously, I think we both just have a fire under our asses now.

Mentally, we're stronger than ever.

Thank you for reading. My heart really goes out to the rest of the queer community that have experienced or are going through similar things.

It's really made me realize why we need to stick together and fight this bigotry bullshit! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

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samanthalightning · 4 years

Text

She's Got A Date-EoWells X Allen!reader- Part V

*The GIF is not mine. All rights to the owner*

Part IV

Summary: While you face a relationship dilemma, you must help Barry stop The Mist from coming after your adoptive father. Based on 1x03

Warnings: None

***

You submerged your face in the water on your hands. The coolness temporarily eased the sting in your eyes. You turn off the faucets, you grab some tissues and dab them on your face to dry. You stared at yourself in the mirror; you were starting to look fine. The puffiness of your eyes ease, your eyes are still bloodshot red, but it was better.

It had been hours since that fight happened, and you have washed your face for the hundredth time today. Each time you think about it, you cry despite trying hard not to, and lucky you, it's all you can think about.

You reapplied your lipstick and mascara, and left the restroom. You walked down the hallway to come back to the cortex. You rounded a corner, but your feet quickly halted when a figure popped up to avoid collision.

It was him. You both froze, staring at each other. He could have swore, he saw a flicker of hurt and coldness in your eyes, before you lowered your head down when his stare became intense. This wasn't the first you crossed paths today. It's his building and you work here, though it didn't mean it got easier. It's always awkward and uneasy.

He didn't speak or move, so you figured you would be the one who needs to do it.

"Excuse me," you whispered, walking ahead passing by him.

"Y/N, wait." You stopped in your tracks and formed a fist. Although you didn't turn around. "We need to talk,"

"We already did. There's no need to further discuss it and make it worse." You didn't dare let him respond, and walked away rapidly away from him, not skipping a beat until you reached the cortex.

You quickly took a seat beside Cisco and buried your head on the computer, typing as you finished a report. Your thoughts ran, a sudden furious rage boiling in your veins. You couldn't believe how ironic it is that earlier he didn't want to talk about it, and now he does. It just infuriates you so hard, so hard and murder him with your bare hands.

"Woah, woah, you okay?" Cisco's voice pulled you out of your spiral.

You paused, fingertips ghosting the keyboard. You didn't even realize you were typing audibly, angrily. "Yeah. Just itching to get our meta," you said.

"Okay. Whatever you say," he replied, obviously suspicious and not an ounce convinced. None of them were if you're being honest. Especially Barry. He was very concerned, but it occurred to him that this might be regarding your mystery boyfriend, so he reluctantly kept his distance.

Wells came back. You can feel his eyes boring at you. You pretended to be oblivious, but it bothered you. Deeply.

Abruptly, a ping coming from the computer echoed in the room. It was the analysis on the toxin. Cisco was quick to call Barry and Caitlin, who God knows where to come to the cortex immediately.

They arrived moments later.

"Yo, check this out."

You all huddled up in front of the TV, waiting for someone to explain the result.

"We have identified the toxin," Wells said, clicking the screen of his tablet. The analysis results popped up on the screen.

"Hydrogen Cyanide?" Barry's brows furrowed.

"Well, what's interesting is what mixed in with the cyanide— a sedative," he added.

Your head cocked to the side, confused more than ever. You're no Caitlin, but that sounded odd. Never in your life have you heard those chemical compounds being mixed before— hell, even in being in the same sentence.

You turned to Barry to ask. His demeanor changed from being in serious thought to his eyes lighting up in recognition. A hand flew to his forehead, turning to Caitlin.

"The night of the explosion— find out if anyone was executed," he ordered.

Caitlin nodded and headed to the nearest computer.

"Why?" Wells asked, beating you to it.

"That sedative was given to criminals on death row before they go into the gas chamber, and breathe in cyanide," he explained.

That was one hell of a fact.

"There was someone executed— Kyle Nimbus," Caitlin informed.

A tab of his background and records popped up. And yup, he does look like someone crazy. Bald, pale skin, huge bags under his eyes. Just add a crooked smile and he could be the missing son of the Grinch and Penguin.

"That's him," Barry confirmed.

"He was a hit man for the Darbinyan crime family. They turned on him and testified. Judge Teresa Howard was the judge at his trial. She sentenced him to death."

It makes sense why he was hell bent on killing these people. The irony of his life though. Karma really is a bitch.

"He said there's one more on his list. Check the arrest records; who caught him, that could be his next attack," he walked towards her, and you trailed after him, dumbfounded.

There was too much information all at once, and Barry's the only one who's putting two and two together as fast as he runs.

You watched as Caitlin's eyes widened in horror. Her face blanched, glancing up at you and Barry, as if she had seen a ghost. It made you a little worried and anxious. The pit of your stomach knotting, as you swallowed thickly. Whatever information she got a hold of isn't good.

"Barry, the lead detective..."

Your heart dropped. Your mind quickly thinks of one person: Joe. Your thoughts ran wildly. You refused to believe it's him.

"Cait, who is it?" You asked, shakily.

"It's Joe."

You let out a gasp, panic surged through you. It felt like the world collapsed, your worry escalating into another level.

Next thing you knew, Barry was on his cell, both of you pacing back and forth, while he tried to reach Joe. Each time he took his phone off his ear, not able to reach him, he grew more frustrated. And so were you.

"He's not answering,"

"Call Eddie, maybe he knows," you suggested.

He took your advice and dialled him. You held your breath, anxiously waiting for the end of the ringing noise from Barry's phone.

"Eddie!" You immediately moved to Barry's side. "Hey, do you know where Joe went? He's not picking up his cell."

You placed your ears near and listened carefully. He paused, then said he didn't know.

"Eddie, it's really important I speak to him. I need to know where he went." Barry pleaded, evidently desperate.

Eddie must have picked it up. You heard an audible sigh from him through the phone. Eddie said he's in Iron Heights. That must have been why he's not picking up.

"Thanks, Eddie." Barry ended the call, and went to the team. "He's in Iron Heights, he's in Iron Heights because of me,"

Your brows drew together. If the toxins results didn't make sense, so is Barry right now. "What? Why?"

"I'll explain later," he said, running off to Caitlin.

She developed an antidote from the toxin, in case Barry didn't make it in time to stop Nimbus. Barry put on his suit, and faster than a blink of eye, he sped off, leaving a red streak of lights behind and a gust of strong wind blowing through your hair.

You took a seat and behind a computer to do your designated job. You pray to God Barry gets there before Nimbus does.

"Barry, I pulled up the specs on Iron Heights prison with maximum security, but I think I can talk you through breaking in there," he said, as he took a seat beside you.

You chortled, shaking your head. Your brother is probably doing the same thing right now. Cisco looked at you confused and a little offended.

"No bother. I've been figuring out how to break in that place since I was 11,"

Damn right he was. He used to get in trouble with Joe because of that, and you'll get a warning to think twice before pulling the same stunt. Barry still continuously, persistently did it. Eventually, he got older and no one has to call Joe about a minor trying to sneak in to see his Dad.

In a snap, it dawned on you. That's what Barry meant. Your Dad was the reason Joe was in Iron Heights. As to why, you wondered. Joe never once visited the man; he strongly believes that your Dad killed your Mom, it doesn't make sense why he would want to see him after all those years.

Your thoughts were pushed in the back of your mind, seeing Barry was inside the prison. You all cowered in silence, anxiety prickling your very existence. Your heart beating fast like you ran a hundred miles, you fingers were trembling. You took them off the keyboard, and hid them under the desk, clenching and unclenching it repeatedly.

You tried to keep it together, itching to hear Barry's voice, saying Joe's fine. You already lost your parents, you can't lose another one.

You felt a warm, large hand on your formed fist, fingers wrapping it securely with a squeeze. Your head shot up to the man in glasses beside you, stunned. Not that you just had the biggest fight ages ago, but your colleagues are literally sandwiching the two of you.

He gave a soft, assuring smile. And you appreciated it deeply. You opened your palm, intertwining your fingers with his. The differences were set aside for a moment, as you hold on to him for dear life.

"Joe's stable," Barry spoke.

The weight on your chest was lifted off. You relaxed for a second only to be reminded that there's still a meta-human on the loose that desperately needs some ass-kicking.

According to Barry, Nimbus transformed into a mist again, and Caitlin advised him to stay away, do not breathe him I'm. As weird as that sounds, it was the only way to avoid inhaling cyanide, and he might not be so lucky again.

But it was very obvious that it wasn't easy; the man is literally air.

"Guys, I don't think this is helping me,"

"You can't fight him, Barry. Just..." Caitlin paused to think. "...keep him coming at you, that should sap his strength."

Wells nodded in agreement. "Yes. Gas is the least stable form of matter— this meta-human will not be able to stay in this mist form, his particles will need to reform."

Barry ran. He ran farther and farther away from the prison. He takes quick stops, before running again.

Your eyes peered over to Caitlin's computer to check on his vitals. His heart rate elevated a bit, but everything was fine. Although he wasn't updating or saying anything it's starting to worry you.

Wells, clearly worried, leaned over and grabbed the mic. "Barry?" He called him. There was only silence on the other end. "Barry?" He called again, louder and firmer.

"We win,"

You all sighed with relief. Your eyes fluttered close, as you lean back into your seat and roll your head back. You squeezed him, you looked at him as a grateful smile spread across your face.

Barry brought Nimbus to S.T.A.R Labs, and left to go to the hospital. You stayed behind to see how well you did with makeshift prison, and get some satisfaction by watching him go crazy to find a way out.

You stood by the entrance of the pipeline with the team, watching the door slide down in front of a very angry Kyle Nimbus, pounding on the glass, constantly morphing into gas to escape his cell. The dummy didn't actually think you'd seal it.

"So, we just have to get used to working above a makeshift prison," Caitlin commented.

"Yup," you replied.

It's surreal. You can't still quite grasp the fact that you built a prison, and it's weird to see someone actually imprisoned inside. He deserved it, yes, but it's still weird.

Everyone turned to shuffle back to the cortex. Cisco pulled Caitlin aside. It looks like they have something to talk about, and by the look on Cisco's face, it's probably serious.

Your eyes flickered to Wells, who was surprisingly staring at you too. You locked eyes, realizing things had wind down— Nimbus is apprehended, and no meta-human to worry about for the time being. You don't know what's going to happen, where you both stand; if the relationship still exists, but one thing is for certain: it was time to address it and deal with it.

He tilted his head to the side, gesturing to go outside, before leaving the room.

You followed him, trailing behind him in the hallway. You dreaded every step you took, you heart racing fast under your ribs, and for many times today, your stomach churned, nervous.

You didn't know where he was leading you. You never really wandered around this area. The hallway is like a never ending maze; just no twist and turns. It was long and quiet and dark. If he was some dude, you would think that he's luring you to kill you.

You were about to ask him where you both were going, but he stopped. You both stood in front of a door. Nothing special about it, just a door. He twisted the knob and opened it. He took a step aside to let you in first and you obliged.

The lights automatically turned on, shedding lights on the room contents. Shelves containing boxes and some other covered things lined up across the room. It's another storage room. The dust isn't disgustingly obvious yet, but it hasn't been touched in a while. Probably since last year.

"We have another storage room?" You raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. This was used when we were building the accelerator," he explained, closing the door behind him.

This is not the most ideal place to talk, but it's secluded and quiet and hidden. Given the fight earlier, all those three are a must.

You spun around to him, folding your arms, awkwardly waiting for him to speak first.

"So?" He started.

"So?"

He exhaled sharply, pursing his lips. "I thought about what you said, and..." He trailed off. A lump forming in your and you gulped in anticipation, watching him be lost for words. It was like those heart stopping moments in class just before your teacher passed your papers, scared of what your mark would be, except on this one, there's only two of you. This would not just affect the future, but potentially break your heart.

He stammered. " I don't— I don't want to lose you. I love you and you were right." Your mouth went dry. You were rendered speechless. Not a single word you could utter, staring at him in shock. You didn't expect that one. Scared that might not convince you, he added, "I mean it. I couldn't risk losing you."

Emotions barrelling through you. You kept it together, not wanting to broke down immediately.

"What about the press?"

"They'll leave us alone eventually," he answered.

"Your haters?"

He chuckled lightly. "They'll forget about it."

"And Joe?" The smile on his face faded, aware of the seriousness of that name.

"We'll deal with it. But I'm pretty sure he'll be happy for you,"

You lowered your head, looking down at your feet.

"Y/N?"

You glanced up, your demeanor stern as you looked into his eyes. "Are you sure? You might be just saying this right now, but you might regret—"

"The only thing I will regret is letting you walk away. I lost a lot of things last year, and I don't want you to be part of it. You mean so much to me,"

Your heart was cracked open. You were in awe of his declaration. Today was a tough one, and it will be on some days, but you certainly knew you would be a damn fool to let him go.

Although, it doesn't hurt to rile him up a bit. You maintain a stoic expression for a period of time, which ended very soon because you couldn't help it anymore.

"Damn it," you hissed.

You went to him, cupped his cheek and pulled his lips to yours. He responded quickly. His lips move passionately against yours, pouring all emotions into the kiss. Your stomach flutters in realization how vulnerable and raw this moment is. It was like he's opening up and he didn't have to say anything. Everything disappeared for a while. He clutched your arm, pressing you closer to this warmth.

You pulled away reluctantly, panting. You leaned your forehead against his.

"I love you," you whispered to him.

"I love you too,"

He drew closer to kiss you again, but you withdrew. You gritted your teeth, looking at him nervously.

"I think we should tell them tonight,"

***

Uh Oh. How do you think they'll react?

Anyway, I'd appreciate if you share this and give it love. Thanks!

Part VI

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sinkingwmyships · 4 years

Text

hEY BABY

im back at it again with

JJBA (VA) Purge AU (3)

yeeee this is the one abt the relationship scenarios ;)))

part 1 | part 2

i highly recommend checking out the previous parts first, if not this might be kinda hard to follow

between me and my 1.5 braincells we're trying really hard y'all so pls go easy on us show some support ;_;

OKAY

(oh yea a heads-up no ships are decided yet so treat all these relationship scenarios as hcs (yea imma make AUs inside an AU lmfao))

tw: (1 mention of) homophobia, referenced past abuse, bullying (??)

1. fugio

the first scenario that popped into my head is that Fugo and Giorno go to the same university (for some reason Gio's parents can afford to send him there, idk he probably got financial aid or sth, and then after he killed them (😳 awkwardddd) he's probably using their life insurance in fear of it running out). and Fugo doesn't really care for Gio bc he's a rich boye and he has his quality™️ elite friend circle so why bother himself w a nobody. but in reality all of Fugo's friends are either only on a social level (u know those ppl who you're friends w but u won't necessarily have deep convos w them or choose to hang out w them n stuff), or they're fake and only hang out w him bc of his wealth & status, or bc their rich parents are friends. plus (im referring to the anime backstory here), after the scandal w that professor who sexually harassed him, many ppl secretly hate him and talk shit abt him behind his back due to homophobia.

but anyway, Fugo's plotting against all those biches :) so where does Giorno come in? Gio, being this innocent poor boy who doesn't have a home to go back to, lives on dorm. and let's just say Fugo does too bc he doesn't have the best relationship w his demanding parents, so he was overjoyed when he finally talked them into letting him move from home into the dorms instead. (side note he prolly doesn't Purge his parents bc he needs their money.) so Gio and Fugo know of each other, but not acquaintances or anything.

and then

one day when Fugo's either

running into trouble with some authority figure at school again

just minding his own business and planning his Purge targets

Gio walks in on him, and he's either like

"omg Fugo r u ok do u need help what happened"

"omg Fugo idk what happened between u and ur targets but Purging ain't good, pls reconsider"

and Fugo, having the short-ass fuse that he does (plus probably having his pride wounded and just general mistrust of the ppl around him spurring him on):

"stfu u know nothing about me, but now you've seen this i guess it wouldn't hurt to kill you too"

"stfu u know nothing about me, ur probably one of those happy asshats that have no need for Purges, reconsider?? haha the only thing i'll reconsider is if i'll add u to my kill list" (bc if Gio reports him or sth, Fugo & his fam can get into trouble, since his targets are probably rich and/or influential ppl, but it isn't Purge time yet, so it can be considered malicious intent and/or attempted murder i guess, and so anyone who has any beef w the Fugo fam can bring them down) (i know nothing abt law don't come for me)

and then Gio is like "fuck dis shit im out" and he skrts tf out of there, but sadly Fugo ain't lying 😔 the day of the Purge comes, and Giorno was just trying to barricade himself inside his dorm room when suddenly, Fugo pulls an FBI OPEN UP and breaks inside using all his high-tech weaponry n stuff (i'll share my hcs for chara design later!!). Gio is freaking out so he jumps out the window into the streets, even risking going outside during Purge just so he can get away, but oh 🅱️oy is Fugo stressed tonight. and he literally hunts Gio down and almost kills him

uNTIL!!!¡!

2. abbacchio & giorno:

(SORRY I JUST LOVE DADBACCHIO & GIORSON SO MUCH)

Abbacchio is tasked w hunting down a certain rogue criminal, so he's la-di-da cruising thru Naples to get to Bucci's house, when suddenly this fucking kid comes running up to him with his hair and clothes all messed up and tears running down his face, and is like "pls help me sir i beg u i just need somewhere to hide pls i don't want to do this i don't want to die" and Abba's like "fuq??" but then he hears manic laughter and chainsaws revving and shit, and the kid sniveling all over his crisp™️ Purge suit looks like he can explode with fear at any moment (and plus Abba understands that nobody would ever run up to another person for help during Purge like this, unless it's really their last option), so he sighs, "fine. get behind me."

the kid drops to his knees and Abba can't help but think "aaahhhh fucking dead weight", but he said he'd help, so that's what he's gonna do. now ANOTHER kid rounds the corner but he barely looks sane, he seems almost possessed by something. *fighting ensues* but being a professional cop Abba knocks the kid out cold w a few swift moves, and when he drops to the ground that crazy expression finally leaves his face. he's already wasted too much time, so Abba turns to Kid 1 and is like "go back home brat and dont get into trouble again", but Kid 1 is still a trembling mess on the ground, and he says "i don't have any home to go back to."

subconscious Abba's like "well that's between you and god" but he knows he's basically this kid's god now (besides, there can't possibly be a god that would let things like Purges happen), so he's like, "fine. get in the car and DON'T get in my way" but THEN Kid 1 points to the passed-out demon child, "but we can't leave him here"

A: "he was gonna KILL you!!"

K1: "i know but he didn't mean it, he was just not thinking straight"

A: "Purges ain't where ppl think str8 kid, besides if he didn't really wanna Purge he wouldn't have geared himself up that well"

K1: “but he’s not a bad person. please, if we leave him out here in this state he’ll be killed for sure.”

at this point Abbacchio can't understand wtf Kid 1 is thinking, but for the first time in years he finds some of the humanity he was hoping to regain in Purge, so he's like "fine. haul him into the backseat. but you're sitting with him bc i got my shit in the front. and if he wakes up you're dealing w it this time. cool?"

Kid 1 nods, and surprisingly he has enough strength to shove Kid 2 into the backseat & get in after him. Abba is trying to decide what he wanna do w these kids, when his phone suddenly beeps, and in comes a new message from his superiors, "yo dawg u gotta hurry up and kill that Bucciarati guy, we'd better not catch u slacking" and he's like "yo Kid 1, can u fight?"

"uh, a bit. why?"

"well, that's what you're gonna do for me in return for my protection."

anywhooooo i imagine that later on, Fugo wakes up like "ugh wtf hello concussions????" and he sees Gio standing over him, and he snaps into defensive mode, sitting up and shoving Gio away and everything. but then he sees that Gio's hands are empty, save for maybe a bottle of water and a towel, and somehow Fugo's own wounds are all cleaned and bandaged, and he groans:

"dude, what the fuck are you doing? did i pass out? did you find help?"

G: "you got hit over the head pretty hard, don't move so suddenly."

F: "haha yea thanks i can feel that myself, anyway wtf were you doing?"

G: "uhhhhh... abbacchio patched you up but your face was really grimy so he told me to clean you up, and maybe give you some water?"

F: "no. i mean like what the fuck were you doing????? braincells hello?? kill me! i should be dead!!! is Purge over?? did the sirens go off before you can finish me?"

he suddenly notices how Gio just recoils and sits there with his eyes squeezed shut as Fugo shouts at him and flings his arms around. but he's seen how Gio defended himself against him, so he knows this guy can fight and is no stranger to Purges. this is the first mystery his 152 IQ has encountered in a long time, so Fugo reaches out to get Gio's attention, but then Gio jumps and slaps his hand away so hard Fugo feels his bruised brain jar. he pulls back immediately, holding his hands up, palms forward, finally kind of able to pierce together what's going on inside the blond's mind:

"sorry. wasn't gonna attack you. just... wasn't sure if you were listening to me, so i tried to get your attention."

"i was."

"okay. sorry." Fugo tries, but Gio is already standing up and leaving, glassy green eyes looking anywhere but at him. "wait! Gior— ugh??"

he almost faceplants the ground again. where's my stupid-ass helmet???? i need to be on balance mode stat. but then Fugo feels two arms helping him up, and he looks up to see Gio, frowning in distaste but still supporting him all the same. he feels bad for asking (as if he hasn't bothered this poor guy enough): "uh, so, what exactly happened while i was passed out?"

oh, honey...

a lot :)

BUT PLOT SPOILERS SO THIS ENDS HERE!!!!!! xD

ya know i might actually go w fugio after all :00 but if i do end up writing this, it will span over 12 hours / 1 Purge only, so even if there are ships they'll probably only be implied, instead of madly into each other by the end of everything :P

to be cont’d… 👀🔪 perhaps with other relationship hcs :0 or chara design?? who knows. suggestions?

feel free to drop any questions you have, or just scream to me in the cmts in general!! i’m happy to answer anything, from chara motives to backstory clarification, or anything else!! ik up to now these posts have just been walls of texts, so :’D thanks for reading thooooo 💖

part 4 | part 5

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spideyxchelle · 7 years

Note

So like I don't know if your ask is open or not... but if you want to could you please write a spideychelle fic where Peter is being beat up by a bully but can't fright back (because he will like murder them lol) thank you if you do this, and again you don't have to. Ps I loveeeeEeeEee your writing!!

loooooools, Peter Parker taking a beating because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. what a dumb, noble, stupid superhero we all stan.

Peter Parker was pretty much used to get his ass handed to him all throughout elementary and middle school. he was scrawny and on the smaller side and was more interested in dumpster diving for old, retro computer parts than playing football with the rest of the kids his age. so, unfortunately, that meant he got his ass kicked a lot as a kid.

and then, when he tested into Midtown High, he had assumed all of the teasing and bullying would stop. because he would be at a school with other freaky geniuses like him and no one was going to be considered a loser there.

he was wrong.

because apparently, even at NERD SCHOOL, there was such a thing as being too nerdy and Peter Parker fit the bill. he had known that raising his hand and showing how smart he was in all of his classes on the first day had been the thing that exiled him to loserdom at Midtown but he hadn’t known. he also hadn’t known that Flash Thompson would be so insulted by his intelligence on day one that he would make it his life’s mission to tease the hell out of Peter.

but the bullying at Midtown was less intense than middle school and elementary school so it wasn’t as bad. like, Peter didn’t get his head shoved in toilets or thrown in a dumpster. he just was, like, emotionally/cyber bullied instead of physical violence. which, as he used to endure all three, was a step up.

and then he gets his super powers the end of freshman year and his whole life changes over night. he is a pseudo-avenger and everything Flash says to him rolls off his back like water because in the grand scheme of things Flash Thompson is so much less important than Thanos. its a ridiculous comparison.

also, Flash did kind of lay off of him as soon as Peter’s muscles stopped being something he could hide under slouchy sweaters, anyway. he figures Flash was counting on the better-safe-than-sorry mentality when it came to fucking with Peter.

not that Peter would have ever have fought back if Flash or anyone else at Midtown had tried to start anything with him because Peter had super strength. super strength that could, with one punch, absolutely decimate his opponents. he was always very careful with how much of his strength he utilized in the Peter Parker side of his every day life.

he becomes even more aware of this when he starts dating MJ. kissing her is fun and amazing and makes his head spin in a good way but he also needs to constantly check that he’s not putting too much pressure on her hips when he holds her for fear of bruising her. its not something he actively thinks about all the time, but he is aware.

he’s just damn strong. he checks himself more often than not.

which is how he ends up getting beat up in an alleyway when he’s not on patrol. because he’s alway checking himself to make sure other people aren’t getting hurt because of him. PLUS, he doesn’t want to reveal his secret identity. that’s a large part of it.

so when four guys corner him in the alleyway because he’s typing away on his Stark Industries official phone (which is worth a crazy amount of money) and they want to beat him up to steal his phone, he lets it happen. because no way someone his size could effectively fight four guys off.

his in the middle of getting punching in the head the fifth time when he realizes he knows the voice of one of his attackers. or, at least, he thinks he does. he may have super strength and super healing, but five head shots is making him slightly disoriented. Peter spits some blood on the ground and moans, “Troy Mifflin?” the third guy in the blue pauses right before he hits peter again and squinnnnts, “Parker, is that you?”

“you better get out of here, Troy,” Peter groans, holding his side which will probably be bruised later (only to heal by tomorrow morning), “or I’ll tell the cops it was you.” that wisecrack gets him a punch to the shoulder and he feels it dislocates. and it REALLY stings. he knows he needs to get his arm set quick before his super healing sets the shoulder in the wrong place.

but besides the punch to the arm, the boys seemed scared enough to run away. and he’s left coughing and clutching his side in an abandoned alleyway.

he hobbles home and when he arrives, thirty minutes later than he promised, MJ opens his front door (May is on a date) and starts to read him, “Peter Parker, you better have some kind of take out for being this- HOLY SHIT PETER!” he feels his girlfriend dip under his arm to support him and the pair of them manage to stumble to his bedroom.

MJ plops him on his bed and goes for the first aid kid (he’s been hurt before but never NOT on patrol). the next fifteen minutes go by in a blur while MJ starts to clean his face with a damp towel. she tsks about how messed up his face is with all of the cuts and bruising. once his face is clean, she grabs his shoulder. he hisses. “okay,” he grits his teeth, “just do it.”

“don’t tell me what to do,” she squints. “i’m not trying to…AH FUCKING HELL!” while he’s talking MJ slips his shoulder back into place and it really, really hurts. it hurts so much. damn.

once she pops it back into place, though, he feels a lot better. he laughs in relief. and she kisses his nose.

once she’s propped him up in bed and cleaned him up the best that she can, she asks, “what the hell happened?” MJ hands him a ice pack which he puts against his nose, “i, um, got jumped in an alleyway.” she gives him the MOST unimpressed look, “you’re spider-man.” “yep,” he pops the p on that word, “i am.” “so, uh, what happened?”

he opens his free arm for her to cuddle into. she does without complaint. “i, uh,” he sighs, “can’t fight back when I’m out of uniform.” she raises an eyebrow, “what?” “Peter Parker shouldn’t be able to fight off four guys, so he didn’t.”

her face cracks into terrible affection for him, “you noble idiot.” “I’m sorry I worried you.” “oh no,’ she snuggles him, “I definitely wasn’t worried.”

Peter’s face morphs into a stupid smile, his lips brush against her forehead, “course you weren’t. silly me.”

#headcanon ask

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whimsically-ominously-auspice · 5 years

Text

My mom worked in a bar, a bartender, weekend nights as she went to school to be a nurse. My dad just wanted to be a musician. So I grew up in the bar.

That's my mom.

So I met Jesse in the bar. He taught me to play poker. I was extremely skilled at it. So i became a hot shot at age one. I would win bets all kinds. Who would think a kid in diapers could win at poker?

They didn't even know i potty trained myself and didn't piss nor shit in my diaper but panties were too small for me.

So i wore a diaper.

My dad was in the military, too. But someone told him he could go with them to get a music career started.

That is how he got kidnapped.

My mom went to look... Followed the same guy into the parking lot and got kidnapped.

She left me in the bar. The guy said my dad was outside all drunk and bottled up. "Oh I'll be right back"

So I tended bar for the rest of the night. Locked up when everyone left. Slept on the floor.

I looked for my mom but it was cold and the air felt strange. Danger like. Still and eerie. Bad.

So i went in, shut the door and locked it. Yelled "mom i locked it but you can come in" just in case she could hear. May be she was in a car talking to my dad. I yelled for 10 minutes. A couple men went to the door but i refused to open it. Cried myself to sleep in the floor. Scared for my parents.

It was two days before anyone noticed it was weird I was making margaritas and serving beer. One and a half year old tending bar. No one thought it was weird . i was a hot shot.

I told every one I couldn't find my mom. They didnt care. Just another beer.

It wasn't till Monday night that any one noticed and that's only cause that's when the new bartender showed up.

So i helped her that night. She was impressed. When i locked the door from the inside and got myself ready to sleep in the same place i cried myself to sleep in before...

The door opened and light spilled in, "mom?"

But it was the late night bartender, "oh you." She closed the door and locked it. "You can't stay here"

"I can. I been here since Friday. I can lock the door. Im safe. I can be, too"

"There's kidnappers outside"

"Yeah since Friday and they took my mom and I serve them beer and they don't pay. Just walk out. I should beat them up"

She took me to Miss Leena's house the next morning. We both slept in the bar floor. In front of the locked door.

"Miss Leena, i don't know what to do" she said.

Miss Leena kept me in the trailer park. Out of foster care. Let me go wherever whenever.

I never saw my parents again.

I saw George a few times. But he wasn't a man. Some monster. Some sick in the head creep. This thing with legs and arms and a head. No heart.

That's when I learned the difference between a me problem and a you problem. Even when it came to families, there was rarely an Us problem.

He's been eradicated. There was no hope of healing him and i being able to tolerate him if he did heal.

My Uncle wasn't the best father. I'll be curt. But thats because he knew I had a dad out there somewhere. But he was the best father i had. He never hit me or sexually abused me. He defended me. Stood up for me. Took care of me and supported me.

He is a real man.

Point is. One day you'll be almost two years old tending bar alone. Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

And no one will care. They will think it's neat.

And yeah it is. Its fun doing moms job. And doing it well.

But comes the point that you're an orphan. Locked in the bar with kidnappers outside, crying yourself to sleep on the floor, in front of the door. Hoping you may not be. An Orphan.

Wearing the same clothes. Same diaper. And keeping it so clean that by Monday the late late night bartender doesn't realize you've been in them 4 days.

That photo above was taken the night she disappeared. I was in the bathroom. There's one of me with her, the same night.

The last photo we took together. Before I took one next to her coffin. I was two then.

The person sitting on Jupiter killed and raped her. For no reason other than he was outlaw Jesse James. So he named himself. He was rich. His father a store owner down the street. Sold groceries. Got women's names and addresses off checks. The son Jesse did.

Self-entitled Jack ass.

For no reason im an orphan.

If they were in a car wreck or something that would be tragic and dangerous. But murdered so the criminal wouldn't get in trouble for rape. Kidnapped for ransom the military refused to pay.

Doesn't make sense to me.

They never even bothered to look for my father.

I did. But by the time I found him, he was no longer a man.

"Don't forget i raised you"

I was 3. Half my life i raised myself and more than half the life i had with him he was working.

"I don't even know you -- Do you -- are you saying you want to come home?"

"Not yet im working"

"You want to come home and be my dad?"

"No I've told you time and time again I'm working"

What piece of shit says that. I spent nearly 2 years looking for him to take him home. He was too busy mopping floors?

I saw him again 5 years later... Just gassing people. Anyone he could get in a room. Like a Nazi. Kids. Moms. Didn't matter.

So i sorted out the evil ones for about a year so he wasn't killing innocent people. But then he turned on me. And I left.

He was gonna end up killing me. I called the police. Had him arrested.

Spent 2 years in The penitentiary.

I was 9 when he got out. We moved the year before so he couldn't find me.

I killed Pablo Escobar the year after he got out.

He did have ways to find me, though. Steal my kids and freeze them and put them in car panels.

Never made sense why he would. Just crazy I guess.

He used to be a good man.

But after he did that to me. He had to been eradicated.

He couldn't see past his crazy to ser his own daughter. I can see going nuts and being afraid to leave. But then...

Why attack me? Take my kids.

There was no reason

He took my father away from me.

He had no right to take anything else.

I grew up with a photo of him in our house. I don't know if he was crazy then. Evil.

I know I am. Crazy. But there's a difference between caring and not.

Her name was Deborah Anne. I think she was lucky to die.

My dad became a herion addict. Shooting up with needles 19 pints a day of black tar herion. Which pints is a term like nickel. Dime or quartet in marijuana. It means full 5 cc needle one hour a day sleeping 5 hours a day.

5 mL of black tar herion 19 times a day.

That's 95 mL of herion.

3.212 ounces

A cup is 8 ounces so it's nearly a half cup and you know sometimes he did at least 3/4 of a cup.

Not around me... Because.. One time i told him "why don't you just get a bigger needle? I mean syringe? The tube part?"

"Get away from me. You're not smarter than me"

"Yeah well sure but you're doing it every 15 minutes"

And while pints is a term like nickel or dime... My dad really did 19 liquid pints of herion a day.

So when I was around I made him feel dumb, insecure and selfish. So he did less.

"Who is taking care of you?"

"I work. I have a job. I make more money than you"

"I make none. You could make a penny and its more than what I -- hey you think you could buy me herion off the street? I think it's better than what i got. Or maybe not im told it's pure. Never mind you're a kid. No buy me some. I said buy me some. I didn't mean to grab your arm"

"Like a mad man all crazy? Because you did"

"I didn't mean to. I said i didn't mean to!" Injecting his arm again

"Hey fill these up for me again. Do something useful"

"Talking to you ain't useful?"

"Not if you want me to go home it ain't. I'm the boss"

"Give me the syringe. How come if you're the boss you're only bossing me? Where's everyone else?"

"At work they know what to do"

I start laughing. And laughing. "There is no one! I sent them home! All is left is you!!"

"Then I'll start gassing. If they escape i have to gas who is left and they start over"

"You could just go home like they do"

"You mean escape? I'll start gassing"

"There is no one left but you. Come on I'll show you"

"Nope bring them to me. Ill start gassing the place up let them burn. I like that. Like im a Nazi"

"The who? I'm calling the police" i pick up the phone "911" i dial im not playing. He's fucking crazy. "My dad said he will start gassing. Hes all doped up and" my dad stopped shooting up to stare at me "you don't know what you're saying!!!" He stormed the floor and grabbed the phone and hung up

"Don't you call the police on me again. Im just doing my job"

"You're shooting up" i stood to get the phone

He snatched it "I said do not call the police on me again!" He stood over me not like a threat but as a threat

"I'm gonna puke"

"And she did. You know you ain't gotta say every nasty thing you gotta do to me. Now that's gonna stink. Dad let's go home every two goddam minutes." He snatched the trash can from me and i fell. "Oh my God it's the police! How did they get here so fast?!?! You didn't even give them the address. They're going to think I'm herion dealing. And it's just for me!"

"Dad they're the CIA they're here to help!"

"Oh my God i was in the military. They don't care. Now it's the CIA. They don't care"

"Dad i care. Please"

"You're just a kid"

"I work for the CIA"

"No you don't. You're just a lying." He leans down towards me and whispers "why don't they just Come in?" And he shoved me.

He hit me in the side of the head. Covered my mouth with his hand. I shoved him off. He pulled me by my hair.

"QUIT!!!! IM SO SICK OF YOUR SHIT!!!"

He acted like i beat him.

"I'm opening the door stay calm" i opened the door. "Arrest him. I think he broke my teeth"

I held my face and felt sad

"Sabrina, I've seen you be hurt worse than that. Are you sure you're okay?" Asked Matt Hagan's FBI grandpa.

"Its just my dad. It hurts more because emotionally. Im going to cry. I'll just lay my head on This desk and cry awhile"

Of course my dad was out the next week to gas people and kill them. Of course he was.

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