#and think about how I want to see nandor and guillermo’s kiss go down | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

witchthewriter · 1 year

Photo

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐟𝐨𝐫 @sardonic-the-writer.

Want one? Here’s more info 🦋🌈

𝐏𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐧

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝑰 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑪𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑱𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝑺𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒘! Both chaotic and enthusiastic, you two would live a life of adventure and fun. He would feel odd not having you by his side, like a part of him is missing. Your souls are somehow entwined, like two sides of the same coin, or thread knitted together.

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

・His signature show of affection is running the back of his pointer finger down the slop of your nose.

・Of course you share a cabin on the Black Pearl (when you ... have the Black Pearl). You like to decorate it, and Jack has just learnt to let you

・Whenever you get hurt, that’s the only time you’ll see Jack serious. He will literally tear the world apart just to find you. So when you’ve got a wound, he’ll go crazy on the person who did it

・Calls you ‘love’, ‘pet’, ‘twinkle toes,’ ‘pretty eyes’. He loves making things up on the spot

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Barracuda by Heart

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

・Chaotic Dumbass Duo / Similar Personalities

・Always Hold Grudges (Jack) x Forgives Too Easily (You)

・Always Bringing Them Rocks They Think They Would Like (You) x Keeps The Rocks (Jack)

𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Soulmates

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

Your loyalty, fun-loving attitude and love for freedom. He needs someone who understands his love for not only sailing, but piracy. It’s freedom, but also ... taking your life into your own hands.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅

Would be Gibbs, Ragetti and Pintel. Gibs would be great at understanding you, even when you don’t fully understand yourself. Ragetti and Pintel would be so entertaining that you’d like hanging out with them, even if they were your enemies at one point in time.

𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆

To me you seem like a mix of Jack, Ragetti and Elizabeth. You have this chaotic, enthusiastic and curious energy about you. I love it! You’re seem so fun, but a tad unsure of yourself. Don’t ever feel like you’re too much for someone, you’re amazing!

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕

In this universe fantasy and fiction collide. Although the animals cannot talk, there are fantasy creatures that lie in this world. So your pet is a dolphin (an already incredibly smart creature) who will somehow find you no matter where you are. It’s incredible actually, and it utterly freaks Jack out.

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐖𝐞 𝐃𝐨 𝐈𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐬

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝑰 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑵𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒐𝒓! I just think you two would have such chaotic energy - but like ... manic behaviour? You would be so fun together, and poor Guillermo, running after you two. At least you don’t make as much of a mess as Nandor.

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

・Nandor is constantly humming or saying things underneath his breath, Sometimes you have no idea how he’s survived for so long because there is not an ounce of self preservation in him

・Going along with each other’s crazy ideas - Guillermo is the voice of reason, so you can be as insane as you want

・Nandor would buy you incredibly expensive jewellery, and find (more like make Guillermo find) first editions of your favourite books. He would literally make a library for you filled with every book there is (Guillermo ... builds the library)

・Loves your brain and is constantly asking you questions. He wants your opinion on everything; something that he hasn’t experienced with other lovers

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

I’m Kissing You by Des’ree

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

・Height Difference

・Pair of walking disasters who cannot function without the other

・ Madly In Love (Nandor) x Ridiculously Oblivious (You) - when you first meet each other.

𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Menaces To Society

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

You let Nandor be ... Nandor. You don’t try to change him, to make him ‘better’. You’re happy being yourself with him. But also, you do make him a tad more self-aware (because he listens to you and only you).

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅

Nadja, she would do wonders for your confidence. But also indulge in your fantasies and chaos. Not once judging you for your choices. She would support you in anything as well.

𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆

A mix between Jenna and Nandor; able to have fun, but also still learning about the world and what it has to offer. You’re, I guess, learning your place in the world.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕

I just imagine you having pets that are so vicious and possessive of you but you’re kinda like a ray of sunshine? Like I can imagine someone coming to your house with Nandor, thinking they’re going to meet this absolutely terrifying vampire, and who has these goddamn hellhounds for pets. But then they meet you and you’re so ... full of life???

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐇𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐆𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝑰 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑱𝒐𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝑴𝒂𝒔𝒐𝒏! She’s chaotic by nature, but also self-aware and very intelligent. I think she would hate you at first - or pretend to hate you. Your cheerful and energetic attitude would ‘annoy’ her. But you would grow on her, not even meaning to.

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

・Will only share her inner feelings with you. Everyone sees this once angry woman, who was traumatised and tortured by the Capitol. But you see what’s underneath all that.

・From enemies, to friends, to lovers. She found a safe place with you.

・Her pet name for you is your last name. She used to say it in a mocking tone, but now she says it with love and affection in her tone.

・Her love language is quality time and acts of service. She’s a bit hesitant with the whole physical touch thing - until she felt safe with you. Then she kisses you everyday and loves to cuddle (she loves being the little spoon but don’t tell anyone)

・Moving in together was a big step in your relationship; one that no one really saw coming. You live in a house that is nothing like the Capitol; it’s more of a cottage. One that is close enough to civilisation but far enough that you don’t have neighbours

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Style by Ryan Adams

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

・Hates Reading (Johanna) x Lives For Reading (You)

・Looks Like A Cinnamon Roll, Could Kill You (You) x Looks Like They Could Kill You, Is A Cinnamon Roll (Johanna)

・Teases Them (You) x About To End Them (Johanna)

𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Enemies to Lovers

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

Your excitement and hope for life. You might not think it, but you bring so much to Johanna’s life. She feels so ... wrong inside, but somehow you’re able to help her fix the puzzle inside her.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅

Finnick; he would absolutely love your energy. Your honesty, how forthright you are. He would seek you out when he’s having a hard day, just sitting with you and Johanna. Of course, she would make a snarky remark but you would always counteract it with something positive.

𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆

A mix between Finnick, Haymitch and Effie. You have this effervescent energy. So lively and at times, lawless. I see you as a person who doesn’t like rules (or the ‘rules’ that neurotypicals have created). You’re unique, joyful and ... so alive.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕

You found him one afternoon on your walks with Johanna (she hated going outside, but you made her everyday). It was on the start of her healing journey, and then you found a stray. This starving mutt who came to you so humbly. You couldn’t deny him. But ... him was actually a her, and she had a litter of pups that she showed you the next day. (You seem like the type of person who animals feel safe with).

#match ups #pair ups #pirates of the caribbean pair ups #pirates of the caribbean match ups #what we do in the shadows #what we do in the shadows pair ups #what we do in the shadows match ups #the hunger games #the hunger games match ups #the hunger games pair ups #witch the writer

24 notes · View notes

thyladestiel · 2 years

Text

How I hope things go in WWDITS

Guillermo does everything to make Nandors perfect wedding. All the ridiculous stuff somehow managed. But it's the night of the wedding and Nandor keeps finding fault with ridiculous little things. It's really getting on Guillermo's nerves, but he doesn't want to ruin Nandor's big day, so he just fixes stuff with a tight smile on his face.

Marwa walks down the isle. Nandor visibly upset. When she approaches him, Nandor throws a fit about some ridiculous little detail, and yells and says its all ruined and the wedding is off, and then storms away.

Guillermo goes to check on him. Nandor says he just wanted everything to be perfect. But it's not. It's not right. "Guillermo, why doesn't it feel right?" And Nandor has big sad eyes, so Guillermo puts his arm around him in comfort and says, "idk, do you... love her?" And instead of answering Nandor just start kissing Guillermo. And Guillermo has obviously wanted to do that so long that it immediately gets very spicy. And horizontal. Until Guillermo shoves Nandor off cuz he remembers "Wait I have a boyfriend!"

And then Nandors like, "you have a wHAT now?" So Guillermo guiltily runs back to the boyfriend.

Next episode Laszlo and Nadia are like, I can't believe Guillermo has been seeing someone. They are all big jealous and acting like it's them he's cheating on, because how dare he give someone else his attention. Meanwhile Nandor is depressed and acting like a victorian widow.

Then Laszlo has a talk with Nandor and says he just needs to do what Laszlo does when Gregor shows up. So Nandor snaps out of it, like "Of course. why didn't I think of that sooner. I will just kill Guillermo's boyfriend"

#nandor x guillermo #nandermo #wwdits #spoilers

136 notes · View notes

spookymultimedia · 2 years

Text

A Good Queer Ally

Small fic of Sean awake at night thinking about Laszlo. Takes place between Pine Barons and Go Flip Yourself

Sean laid awake at night staring at the ceiling thinking about Laszlo. It was painfully obvious that his best friend was infatuated with him. It was sweet. It was really sweet. He wasn't gay though. He was a cisgendered perisex heterosexual man. Not that there was anything wrong with being gay. He believed people should be free to experience same sex attraction. There's nothing wrong with it at all. Gay sex is great. Trans surgery is wonderful. Lesbians deserve respect and rights. Polyamorous relationships are not filthy. Hell, his wife was polyamorous and he thought it worked out great for his marriage. He didn't want Charmaine to feel held back from who she was. Whenever Charmaine talked about how she was polyamorous to her friends they always seemed to assume it was a sex thing to spice up their marriage. Sean rejected the implication with distain; he had absolutely no interest watching Charmaine having sex with another woman. He didn't get off from watching Charmaine holding hands with Nadja. He was just happy that Charmaine was happy. In fact he wasn't that keen on voyeurism, at least not watching Charmaine and Nadja. It depended on the situation he supposed. But no,he and Charmaine were not unicorn hunters despite what others assumed.

Nothing really changed in their relationship, they went to bed together every night and every so often she would go on a date with her vampire girlfriend Nadja and he would spend guy time with Laszlo and Nandor. Well, mostly Laszlo, Nandor was a bit aloof and always seemed busy with his boyfriend and his wife. He was worried about Nandor and Guillermo. They didn't seem like a happy couple but it wasn't his business anyway so he didn't think about it too much. He sighed. He needed to sleep. He closed his eyes. His mind started to drift to Laszlo. His cute smile. His soft hair. His hands. His thighs. . . He blinked his eyes open and blushed. He rolled over on his side. What was that? He closed his eyes again. He tried not to think about Laszlo but avoiding it only made it harder. He thought about Laszlo hand on his cheek whenever he woke him up from a drunk nap. His hands were unbelievably soft. His imagination went too fast for him to even process. In a flash he pictured his hands grabbing his cheeks and pulling him into a kiss. He opened his eyes again. He felt warm. He sat up in bed. He was straight. He was a good straight ally.

"What's on your mind?" Charmaine looked up at him.

"Nothing."

"Nothing my ass." She mumbled.

He sighed. He got out of bed and went down to get a glass of apple juice. He sat at the back of his porch and sipped it. He felt restless so he started to walk around and found himself looking in his neighbors backyard. He didn't know what brought him to this bush so often. It was a habit for the last couple years. He likes to check up on his nocturnal neighbors and say hi. He usually said hi to Laszlo. It was mostly Laszlo. He liked to see Laszlo okay? He found Laszlo walking around the backyard. He stopped when he spotted Sean. He used his speed and in seconds he was inches away from Sean. Sean gasped a little but smiled. Laszlo smiled back. They were close enough to kiss.

"Hey," said Sean.

"Hi." Laszlo said softly back to him. He was lost in Sean's eyes. The two men stared at each other for a moment.

"You're up late." Laszlo noted.

"Can't sleep."

"You should get some sleep, silly." He made a toothy grin and lightly patted his cheek. Sean inhaled.

"Yeah." He breathed out. Laszlo's hand lingered there. His heart was racing. Why was he feeling this way? He smiled politely at Laszlo. Laszlo cleared his throat and moved his hand away quickly.

"You doing okay?"

"Fine, just fine, thanks. You?"

"I'm alright I guess." He shrugged.

"Yeah?" Laszlo got closer, as if he wasn't already in his face.

"Yeah. Nadja and Charmaine seem happy."

"Yeah. She told me she's polyamorous. And I just think that's swell."

Laszlo smiled wide. "Yeah. It's cute. Nadja gets so worked up over her. She's really happy. So it's open between you two now?"

"Are you going to see other women?"

"Oh I don't know." He shrugged.

"Other men?"

Sean looked up at Laszlo. The warm feeling in his chest bubbled up.

"I'm- I'm not-." He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.

"Right." Laszlo nodded.

" 'Should really get back inside."

"Get some sleep Seanie." He patted his back softly and walked away. Sean walked back to the house, finished his cup and walked back to their room.

He laid down with Charmaine and spooned her from behind. She held his hand.

"What are you thinking about?"

Sean went quiet and started to cry. He didn't know why.

"I think I might be- I'm not sure if I'm-."

She gave his hand a gentle squeeze. He sniffled.

"It's okay if you're queer Sean."

He closed his eyes. He didn't know why he felt so scared about this. She kissed hand.

"It's okay. You're allowed to question your sexuality. You're not too old."

He held Charmaine closer and kissed the top of her head. He fell asleep happy to have Charmaine in his life and thinking about Laszlo's hands on his cheeks.

#what we do in the shadows #wwdits fanfic #wwdits fanfiction #laszlo x sean #sean rinaldi #laszlo cravensworth #charmaine rinaldi #Charmaine x Sean #polyamory

37 notes · View notes

falcor-thee-luck-dragon · 3 years

Text

Dark Shenanigans - Nandor x (f)reader

Summary: It’s Nadja’s something hundredth birthday, with that said, you’re on a mission to make it great.

Warning: fluff, general vampire nonsense

Masterlist

“Yeah being a half vampire half human does have its perks. I mean for one I can do all that cool vampire shit and I can go out in the sunlight...so that helps for when they’re all being really annoying.” You admit with a casual shrug to one of the documentary cameras before turning to an isle of party supplies. “So anyways we’re at this store.”

The camera shifts to the multiple arras of supplies and materials at the local supermarket in Staten Island that you and your vampire lover’s human familiar, Guillermo, currently are. Specifically on the hunt for birthday decorations for Nadja and ghost Nadja who’s possessed a strange looking doll for the time being.

Since the other four actual full vampires can’t shop for themselves at this time of day or really in general, you and Guillermo have been given such an honorable task in making Nadja’s birthday the best one yet. Considering she’s the most well balanced in the head out of the four of them and is the only other lady of the manor.

“Hey Y/N, how’s this look?” Wonders Guillermo as he holds up a bunch of Mardi Gras beads of yellows, purples, and greens. “Comments, questions, concerns?” He adds with a small smile.

Eyeing up the beads, your head shifts over to the other various colors, “Hrmm, G I’m feeling the vibe you’re going for this year and I like it, but let’s go with Nadja colors.”

Guillermo’s dark eyes light up at your positive suggestion, “Right! So the red and black ones then?”

“Yup. She’ll love that shit.” You state with a satisfied nod of approval, “Let’s get some black and gold confetti from over there and oh, those masquerade masks look cool as fuck.”

You pick up and test out various masks in the background as Guillermo adds some bits of dialogue for the documentary crew, “Um yeah she’s really cool isn’t she.” He says with a smile while glancing at you then back to the camera, “Which is kind of odd since Y/N’s been with Nandor since 1793 so you’d think she’d be a little more like them but no, she’s super chill and really nice.” Suddenly his face goes a bit serious as he leans in to whisper, “But she did kill a whole street gang once when they threw a slur at me so I wouldn’t mess with her. For your safety.”

The camera pans back over to an oblivious you who’s put on a masquerade mask and is swinging a plastic light saber around with a whole lot more accuracy and grace then would a normal person. The camera then pans back to Gullimero, “Um, I’m just gonna....make sure she doesn’t smack anyone.”

——

Arms full of groceries of food for you and Gullimero, as well as random party decorations for Nadja’s birthday tomorrow night, you use the bottom of your boot to skillfully open the door as the documentary crew and Guillermo follows suit. Guillermo now on the verge of falling over with the large heart shaped pillow in his arms that’s covering most of his body.

You don’t feel tired in the slightest due to your half vampiric abilities so this is nothing to you, “Alright.” You state, turning on your heel to face the crew and Guillermo, “They’re asleep so we gotta be extra sneaky now, I don’t want Nadja catching us with all this cool spooky birthday shit. Everyone to the attic!” You whisper yell before leading the charge to the attic.

They all follow as quietly and as quickly as they can and then soon enough in no time are you and Guillermo back outside in the sunny garden trying to figure out if you should blow up the giant sea monster pool floaty.

“I mean it would look cool as hell and no doubt out-do whatever the fuck boring thing Lazlo probably has planned.” You quip with a shrug while the two of you stare thoughtfully at the small gloomy dark pond. “He’s got no chance with us. I’ve won best decorator and card maker for two hundred years in a row.”

Guillermo side eyes you in honest amazement, “Wow that’s a lot of years. And cards.”

“I know. I was an artist in the 12th century but my no good terrible good for nothing piece of garbage trash sexist human husband, who I was forced to marry when I was only sixteen, took all the credit for my artwork in that era.” You confirm with a growl, “But it stings less because once I finally grew into my powers and strength at eighteen I simply made his untimely demise look like an accident.” You add with a smirk.

“Oh, wow.” Mutters the intrigued familiar.

“Precisely. The old fool was thrown off his horse because I told Philip, the horse, to throw him off. And he did. Which killed the idiot so I got the house and all of his money.”

“That’s......neat.” Mutters Guillermo as he shoots the camera crew from behind you and him a nervous look. “Uh the suns going down so I should probably help Nandor out of his coffin.”

Raising your head to the sky you immediately see how the sun has begun to paint the clouds in beautiful colors of oranges, reds, light pinks, and darkening purples. “Oh, how bout that. Yeah alright let’s get inside.” You nod to Guillermo before turning to walk towards the manor’s giant mahogany doors.

——

Turning the handle and walking a couple feet into the large main room that holds itself as a sort of crossroads for all the other various connecting hallways and staircases. You don’t make it even three more steps towards the left ascending staircase before you hear the highly recognizable voice of your one and only.

“Y/N! My lovely wife and favorite person still ever so lovely!” Announces Nandor loudly with a grand smile showing off his pearly white fangs, “How I have missed you and your morning kisses. Where have you been off to?” He wonders softly as you smile a big dumb love-struck grin right back up at him, you’d absolutely die to hear that accent one last time.

“I can’t tell you right now it’s a secret!” You whisper yell back, causing his thick dark brows to scrunch up in confusion.

“But I am your lovely strong puff dragon Y/N.” Whines Nandor adorably as you roll your eyes at the cameras before looking back up at him.

“Fine. Come here then.”

In an instant he’s at your side, excitedly awaiting what secretive news you will tell him, “Okay, so we know it’s Nadja’s birthday tomorrow right?”

“Yes. I remember because she hasn’t shut up about it.”

“Right. So me and Gullimero got some fun surprise birthday party decorations and they’re in the attic and we can’t tell Nadja.”

Nandor gives you a knowing look of affirmation as he leans in closer to you, his demeanor suddenly shifting into a more saddened one, “You went shopping without me?” He says quietly.

Leaning up to give him a quick peck on the cheek your hands instantly find his, “Just for a little while, but I still need to find more stuff so....you wanna come?”

Nandor’s big dark eyes light up with joy as you hand him a kind smile, “Yes! Let us go in search of unknown treasures for our lady friend Nadja so she will not be mad at us for terrible dull gifts of friendship.”

Laughing you give his hands a playful squeeze, “Come on I’ll race you to Party City!” You say before leading him past the camera crew and Guillermo who simply watches the two of you leave, glad to have an hour of peace.

“There’s a whole city for partying? Y/N why have we never been to this place?”

——

“Y/N there are no people partying here.” Whines your vampire lover in puzzlement as he follows you from the entrance to a side isle. “You said this was a city for partying.”

“That’s just the name of the store Nans.” You retort with a small chuckle as he looks from right to left at all the color coded party plates and napkins galore.

“Well the title is very misleading.”

“Agreed.”

Turning to the right you guide him towards the decretory pirate themed isle in search of something that will peak his interest. Also you wanted so badly to make it to this spot but Gullimero was a man on a mission so your intention was thwarted for when you had Nandor with you.

Speed walking down the pirate themed isle you quickly halt all movement as Nandor’s large body stops within less than an inch from your back. Smiling brightly you snatch the desired object in front of you and as swift as a cat turn to face him.

“Have you come for a dual my old enemy?” You speak slyly, eyes narrowed as you hold the foam sword right in front of his face. “I sense a nervousness about you. Tell me, are you ready to face your inevitable bloody end?”

Staring at the pointy foam, his dark puppy eyes shift over to you as an adorable fangy grin breaks out across his pale face, “Seems you have come prepared, oh radiant and alluring seductress. Well, so have I!” Shouts Nandor before grabbing two foam swords from off the rack and swinging them in both hands like a mad man.

Taking a cautious step back you hold your pathetic five dollar sword in both hands like a true warrior ready for battle, “Only one shall leave this place alive.” You affirm with a smirk, “And it’s not going to be you.”

“Arrrrrggg.” Bellows your lover as he charges you like the true conqueror that he once was. But all to soon do you swiftly duck under his arms and swat him over his stomach with a confident thwack sound.

He makes a puny little “oww” as you turn around to face him once again, “Y/N you hit me kind of hard.” He complains, looking rather defeated and genuinely hurt that you could have intentionally injured him on purpose.

Bringing the plastic weapon down to your side once again, your face suddenly softens as you walk over to him, “Come here you big baby.” You quip sincerely as he leans down so you can give his cheek a quick kiss.

Rising back to his full height, Nandor almost blushes as the corners of his eyes crinkle into a happy smile, “Actually it didn’t hurt at all I just wanted you to kiss me.” Reveals the vampire with a proud grin as you simply roll your eyes.

“Should have known.” You add before turning and snatching up four more plastic foam pirate swords for the others. “Alright let’s get outta here, follow me my love, to the checkout line we shall purchase our weapons of war and partying on the high seas.” You announce with gusto as Nandor stands proudly at your side, ready to follow you anywhere.

“Yes. To check out.”

——

Kicking open the unlocked door, Nandor bursts into the vampire residence with bags full of goodies for Nadja’s birthday party. You right behind him but less dramatically, “We’re back!” You shout to no one in particular as Colin Robinson suddenly appears from out of nowhere, looking ready to leave with his funny little hat and usual beige jacket.

“Oh hey guys,” He starts with a friendly nod, “I’m just heading out on the town tonight. I guess there’s a fair or something in the park and I wanted to test my skill at the ball toss. I’ve been reading up on the body mechanics and how the game is set up which seems pretty basic all in all. Also I really want to win a stuffed bear this time, it might add a little pizazz to my room. Welp see ya’round.” Adds Colin before walking past the two of you without another word and out into the night he goes with some of the camera crew following close behind.

Nandor turns to you with a look of annoyance, “Jeesh I thought he would never leave. Let’s go to your room I want to kiss you some more now.”

“Why my room?”

“Because since you are half vampire you get to sleep in a bed and because I am a full vampire I sleep in a coffin.” Inquires Nandor while looking at you with those big beautiful dark eyes of his, “And my coffin is too small for cuddles so your room will suffice.”

“Yeah that’s a fair point.” You shrug before following him to your room.

After many cuddles leading to other more rated R type activities that lasted until just about sunrise, you finally got some well needed rest while the sun shone high in the sky until she began her dramatic descend back into oblivion. Opening your eyes you slowly rise from out of your comfy bed, already missing the presence of your obsidian eyed lover.

He gets too nervous about your closed windows for fear that the sun might burn him which would be impossible because you black out the glass. But alas, he’s very cautious about these types of things and won’t risk it for anything, though he feels bad about leaving you in the morning, you understand.

Suddenly it dawns on you that today or perhaps tonight, is Nadja’s birthday and you completely forgot to set up any decorations. Shit, how stupid. Throwing the blankets off of you, your feet move quick as you speedily change yesterday’s outfit for something a bit nicer and more clean.

Racing out of your room and into the dimly lit manor hallway, you make a bee line for the attic but before you’re able to reach the steps, Guillermo runs into you, just about knocking you into a wall of various stolen ancient weapons. Sharp ones at that.

That was close.

“Y/N are you okay!” Worries the familiar as you quickly gather your bearings.

“Guillermo! The decorations! Nadja’s birthday!” You whisper yell as the human man simply smiles. “Why are you smiling, this situation does not call for smiles.”

“Don’t worry. While you were sleeping I set up all the decorations.” He replies with a shrug, “No problem.”

“What? But that must have taken you all day, you could have asked me for help. I would have come.” Your brows furrow as he shakes his head, though you still feel bad for not helping with anything.

“Well I did try, but um,” Gullimero awkwardly clears his throat, giving the camera a quick glance, “Nandor was with you and last time I asked for you while you and him where having alone time he threatened to carve out my eyeballs and force feed them to me.”

Pinching the bridge of your nose in annoyance you take a deep breath, “Sounds like him. Very creative when he wants to be, alright, well....where’s everyone?”

“Oh, they’re not up yet. I was actually on my way to get you. I made blood popsicles and the pool floaty is all done and in the pond.” He says with a sense of pride for his decorating skills. “I think she’ll like what we’ve come up with this year.”

Standing in the living room with your three fellow immortals you search a dresser for her card, “Oh shit where’s my card? I could have sworn I had it yesterday on my dresser but I don’t remember seeing it there in the morning. Maybe it’s in this one?”

“Witches!” Hisses Nadja as you huff in frustration, where the hell did you put that damn card?

“Oh, Y/N my love,” Intervenes Nandor with a gentle tug of your sleeve, “I took it with me when I left your room before sunrise because I wanted to put my name on it too so she would know it’s from us.”

“What?” Replies Lazlo dramatically, “Now hold on just a damn minute, this card competition is individually scored so I won’t be having any of this nonsense. I worked really hard on mine this year.”

“Oh lick a donkey’s arse, look here,” You retort with, quickly holding up the card for Nadja, “there are two separate drawings on ours so either way if one of us wins she gets both our pictures. So you better hope your drawing doesn’t resemble a night clubs bathroom wall.”

“Yeah.” Mutters Nandor, who’s hiding behind you while resting both hands on either one of your shoulders as you glare at Lazlo.

“Fine.” Agrees Lazlo begrudgingly, “And mine will be amazing, this bitch of paper took me a whole six months to plan and produce. Can’t get quality this good anywhere else I guarantee it.” Adds Lazlo with a firm nod of self approval as you glance at the nearby camera.

“Right, okay everyone sit it’s time for presents. I want to know what you all got me.” Beams Nadja excitedly as she smiles a fangy grin in delight, plopping herself down in one of the arm chairs. Lazlo quickly finding the other one while you and Nandor seat yourself on the large couch. Colin and Guillermo finding somewhere to sit close by respectfully.

“Well, all I can say is hold onto your socks my dear cause this is going to blow you away.” Smirks Lazlo as he pulls a small box from out of his jacket pocket.

“If it’s a self made business card that says invitation to sexy town I will puke.” You deadpan while Nandor laughs from beside you, causing Lazlo to lose his smirk as Nadja hides her amusement the best she can manage.

“He he, sexy town, nice one Y/N.” Mutters Nandor with a proud grin as you raise a brow at Lazlo who’s giving you a hard glare.

“Oh, my dear pumpkin pie love, don’t listen to Y/N I will love anything you gift me.” Encourages Nadja with a bright welcoming smile, no doubt immediately boosting Lazlo’s once irked mood.

Rolling your eyes you shift a bit to find yourself leaning into Nandor’s body as Nadja opens up the rest of the vampire residents various gifts. A joyous fangy smile gracing her pale features every single time, revealing this birthday party was a thrilling success.

After much more fun that just about lasts throughout the whole night, and some rare but hilarious attempts at dancing between the five of you vampiric individuals. You’re feeling rather sleepy and you can tell Nandor is ready for a trip to dreamland as well.

Swaying to the lowly playing record instrumental, you hold Nandor tight while simultaneously enjoying the feeling of him so close, him doing just the same as he keeps you firmly pressed against his chest. His long dark hair tickles your face as he presses his head to your cheek, doing his absolute best to keep the flow without tripping up.

Sensing his growing fatigue, you gently squeeze his hand, “My love the sun will be up soon, let’s get you to bed, yes?”

A small lazy smile tugs at the corners of his lips while he looks down to meet your gaze, “But my dark angel I’m not tired. I want to dance with you a little longer.” He whines adorably before failing to conceal a big yawn.

Giggling, you lean back to slowly lead him towards the door, “That yawn says otherwise.”

“That wasn’t a yawn Y/N, I was just smiling really big.” He protests, though he still follows your lead to the door.

“I’ve never seen anyone smile like that.” You add with a raised brow.

“Well maybe that’s just how I smile.”

Letting out a breathy snort, you pull away from him to at last take his one hand, “Come. I can’t have a single ray of that dreaded sun to get a taste of your precious skin. Not on my watch.”

Glancing at the closed front door, Nandor squeezes your hand, “Well um, now since you’ve mentioned the sun...I think I’d like to go to my crypt now.” He says, the flash of worry crossing over his face for only a brief moment.

“You sure? I mean a sunrise is pretty beautiful if I’m being honest and I know you never get to see them...”

“Not funny Y/N. And not fair, you know I can’t because I am full vampire.”

“And you’re missing out.”

“And I’d like to stay alive Y/N.”

“Aren’t you dead?”

“Yes and I am your only husband so I need to stay not burnt to a crisp.”

Chuckling, you follow him down the hallway, “Oh really? Don’t want me finding myself with another vampiric lover? Some new beast to sweep me off my feet and take me away into the night.” You tease.

Side eyeing you, he frowns, “No. Don’t I sweep you off your feet?”

Stepping into his crypt you stop him with your hand against his bicep, “Always.” You whisper sincerely with a quick wink, causing him to break out into a big fangy grin.

“Good. And if anyone would try and whoo you I would make sure there would be no more whooing again!” Exclaims Nandor, making the candles rise in flame for only a short second at his rise in emotion for how much he loves you.

“I don’t doubt they would fall by your blade. Not for a second.”

#nandor the relentless #Nandor x reader #nandor x you #nandor x y/n #what we do in the shadows #what we do in the shadows x reader #vampire fun yeah #love my big huggable vampire #:)

708 notes · View notes

colinrobinsonn · 3 years

Text

ahhh I never write fics but here’s nandor x guillermo after this week’s ep 🥺

- x -

Guillermo sat on the front steps of the house after driving back from dropping off the Baron, the Sire, and the hellhound at their new home in New Jersey. It had been a long, long night and he should really be heading to bed but he just needed a few moments of quiet.

The night air was sharp and the dark sky had only a few clouds overhead. Today had been successful, yes, but also very scary. He wasn’t thinking about facing the Sire, or the Baron again (although it had terrified him). No, he could not let go of the horrible feeling he’d been having all day that he may lose his entire family.

He heard the front door open quietly and he turned round to see Nandor coming out the door and walk towards him.

“Ah, Guillermo, there you are. What are you doing out here? It’s fucking freezing.”

“Just taking a minute.”

Nandor came and sat next to Guillermo on the same top step, looking out onto the street and then up at the sky as Guillermo was. It was quiet for a few moments between them, then Guillermo turned to Nandor, “Was there something you wanted, Master? You were looking for me?”

Nandor didn’t turn to look at him as he said, “Oh, nothing…”

“Okay…” Guillermo let the silence linger on.

“It’s just-“ Nandor began before he noticed Guillermo shiver. He was only wearing his shirt and waistcoat and the sun was, obviously and fortunately for Nandor, yet to come up. “You’re cold.”

Guillermo put his arms around himself, “Yeah, I guess it’s a little chilly.”

“Why don’t you go back inside?”

Guillermo shrugs, not being able to explain why he wants to be outside right now. Maybe he’s enjoying sitting here peacefully with Nandor under the night sky too much. Maybe he needs to clear his head. “But your fragile human body is going to freeze to ice. You don’t want to be made into an ice chip do you, Guillermo?”

“What? I’m not going to-“ he shakes his head, huffing quietly from Nandor’s ridiculousness, “I’m fine.”

Nandor stares at him, fangs bared, like he doesn’t believe him, like he really will turn into an ice chip in a few moments. “Eesh, fine. Here,” he says as he unclasps his black cape and drapes it delicately over Guillermo’s shoulders, and then quickly turns back to look at the sky.

Guillermo froze - not into an ice chip - but out of surprise, slight nervousness, and an uncertainty about how to react to Nandor’s… kindness. “Thank you, Nandor,” he went with, looking up at his strong profile.

“You are welcome, you will not freeze now and I will not have to defrost you and ruin my precious Persian rugs,” he replied matter-of-factly, nodding his head and putting his hands straight out on his knees.

Guillermo grabbed the cape and brought it round his body to wrap up in. The material was very warm and as he brought it up towards his chin he became very aware of being surrounded by Nandor’s very distinct and familiar scent: of oils and incense and musk, of history and comfort and home.

Nandor looked at his bodyguard and felt his dead heart constrict. The sight of Guillermo snuggled into his cape with a content smile on his face challenged Nandor. It challenged him to give in. To give in to feelings of softness towards Guillermo which he mostly did not allow himself to give into, and was always weary of whenever he was around him. Or saw him. Or thought about him. For Nandor, it was Him, for he had become everything. Everything he believed in, everything he fought for, and everything he smiled for. It is suffice to say, he did not win the challenge, but it felt good to lose.

“Guillermo-“, he took a quick breath in and held it, “I came to say that I am sorry for what happened today.”

“Huh? But we did it, we-“

“Just-“ Nandor put his hand up to tell Guillermo to let him finish.

“I am sorry for how you were treated today and if that hurt your feelings. I mean, it should hurt your feelings but I don’t know if you always let it.”

“Mas- Nandor, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Guillermo said. Nandor could literally be talking of about twenty different points today where his feelings could have been “hurt”.

“You know what I am talking about,” Nandor growled, impatient. He shot up off the steps and paced in front of Guillermo. Did he want to make him feel even more ashamed? He guessed he deserved it. He calmed his voice, “I am talking about the time when I allowed for you to be used as bait for the Sire.”

“Oh.” Guillermo breathed out, looking up at Nandor who had stopped his pacing now and was looking at Guillermo. There was a small silence, and then Guillermo also stood up and walked down the steps towards Nandor, cape still round him and falling far below onto the floor.

As he stood in front of Nandor, Nandor could not stand how adorable he looked wearing his cape, oversized on him. It made him feel… protective and proud.

Nandor was too caught up in his thoughts so Guillermo spoke first, “That’s my job, right? To protect you?”

“Yes, I suppose it is…” Nandor said quietly, unsure as Guillermo approached him further.

“But I would have done it anyway. I always would have.” It’s true, he went the extra mile whilst he was his familiar and even before he didn’t know of his bloodline.

Nandor did not know what to say to that. So instead he focused on how the cape was falling off of one of Guillermo’s shoulders. Without thinking, he raised his arm and pulled the material back up and around his shoulder.

He did this with such care and without agenda that it made Guillermo choke up slightly. He felt tingly all in his chest and willed himself to hold on. To not fall too far tonight, as he did so many nights, especially since Meg’s comments at Massive Fitness. As much as he was committed to Nandor, he could never let himself believe that Nandor felt the same.

The small act felt unnaturally natural for Nandor. When he fully comprehended what he was doing, he did not have the instinct to jump back and push Guillermo away, to tell him to get out of his way. Instead, the act made his next words come much easier.

“Guillermo… it should be my job to protect you. You came into my life, and it is a dangerous one. I have… taken too much from you, and you should not be willing for me to take your life.”

The double meaning was there. Yes, he was talking about what happened today, but Guillermo could not help but apply Nandor’s words to his own vampiric dream.

“No.” Guillermo could not, would not, keep going on like this. “It’s not that you have taken too much from me, Nandor,” he said with conviction, “it’s that you haven’t given me enough.”

“Guillermo…-“

“I’d die for you,” Guillermo said bluntly and laughed, “you know that? I would actually die for you. Not become undead, not become a vampire, I would die.”

Nandor looked away from him and took a step back, “Do not speak this way, Guillermo.”

“And I’m fine with that, I am,” he continued, “you’re not taking anything away from me, I’m giving it to you, because I want to. Because that’s how I feel.” Guillermo felt breathless from the outburst and he was slightly shaking, not just from nerves, but because the cape had unwound itself from his middle and only lay across his shoulders again. He shook his head slightly; tonight of all nights he was going to go there. “How do you feel, Nandor?”

“I-“ Nandor was stunned and his brain was working overtime to keep up with his little ex-familiar.

In all of his anxious tension, Nandor’s hesitance was too much. Guillermo huffed and span round to go back inside.

Nandor’s chest clenched and his heart fell, he couldn’t stand the sight of Guillermo walking away from him anymore. “Wait-“ he said as he grabbed Guillermo’s hand and gently pulled him back round to face him. The cape fell off his back.

Guillermo looked up at him, small tears in his eyes as he waited with little hope. His optimistic heart started again, however, when Nandor brought his hand up and drew his fingers through the front of Guillermo’s hair, sweeping it gently to the side and pushing small strands behind his ear. Guillermo’s heart was beating so hard he was sure Nandor could hear it, feel it even. His hand landed delicately on Guillermo’s cheek, like he was touching something precious, and he leaned in.

As their lips touched tears ran down Guillermo’s cheek which Nandor smoothly wiped away with the pads of his thumbs, as he brought his other hand to Guillermo’s other cheek. Guillermo was once again encased by Nandor, except this was the real thing and infinitely better. Guillermo’s hand found its way to Nandor’s neck, his fingertips pushing their way into his hair.

The kiss was gentle and undemanding; a shy but loving meeting with someone you have loved for years. Nandor pulled away but only slightly, so their foreheads rested against each other’s. Their eyes were both closed as they breathed unevenly with each other.

“Guillermo, I would die a thousand times over for you to have one more minute alive.”

Guillermo, teary, giggled dizzily and with relief at the vampire’s words and opened his eyes to find Nandor’s still closed.

“Hey,” Guillermo said as he leaned away and gently urged Nandor to open his eyes by putting his hand under his chin, “so… we’ll protect each other, right?”

Nandor had opened his eyes and was looking down at Guillermo who wore a bright, understanding smile on his face. His cheeks were quite pink and so Nandor leaned down to pick up the fallen cape and pull it back around the smaller man. He held on to Guillermo’s hand, brought it to his lips and kissed the top of it, where the knuckles lay. “Always.”

#im so embarrassed hahah #goodbye #nandor x Guillermo #nandermo #what we do in the shadows #nandermo fic #wwdits #mypost

194 notes · View notes

nellie-elizabeth · 2 years

Text

What We Do in the Shadows: The Wedding (4x06)

What did I just witness with my own two eyeballs!

Cons:

I... don't really have any? This episode honestly has everything a person could hope for? I feel a little bad, because this was probably my favorite episode of the season thus far, and it's the one that had the least Young Colin Robinson in it, so... there is that.

Pros:

Again I am at risk of this review just being a long list of funny jokes that I enjoyed, but I'll try and give you a sampling of what I liked so much about this episode.

The Baron! Makeovers with the Baron, a shopping montage, the gargoyle, both Nadja and Lazlo sneaking off for some time in the coat closet with him newly restored to his former glory... absolutely hilarious.

The long line of objections at the wedding, including Guillermo managing the line at the mic to ask people to stop checking about validating parking.

Nadja and Lazlo's songs at the reception about the wedding night, and Nandor the Relentless and his habits in the bedroom...

The djinn trying to get Nandor to stop using his wishes on trivial things like closing the coffin lid because he doesn't want to deal with Guillermo coming in to do it.

All of this stuff was making me smile the whole way through, just a joke every minute, each one funny and quippy and smart and ridiculous.

And Marwa! I've got to say, I have been a little let down by how little Marwa has had to do thus far, but now that she's had a little more room to shine, I can say I really like this character. She's a little bit more of a "straight" character to offset the chaos of most of the main cast, but she's also this very determined and strong-willed lady, whose natural kindness and strength of character keep getting interrupted/altered by the wishes that Nandor is using on altering her to suit him. I love the tension there, now that she's married to Nandor, from the things she might actually want as a character, and what she's been made to think she wants. I can't wait to see where they go with her.

And god, speaking of Nandor and this wishes... I lost my whole entire mind when Nandor wished that Marwa would like what Nandor liked, want what he wanted, and then at the wedding we see Marwa hugging Guillermo and hanging all over him, kissing him... do I think this is on purpose? I don't know. Did I notice the hell out of it? I sure did.

And that's just the beginning of all the Nandor/Guillermo moments. The two of them talking about watching movies together on a rainy afternoon, and Guillermo getting more and more stressed with the wedding planning, and then him saying he'll be right there by Nandor's side if he gets scared... Nandor saying "you're my best... man", and then the moment at the end where Nandor covers him up with a cloak as he sleeps? I mean, come on! I just love all of this for the comedic potential. Nandor is married now, he's got three extra wishes that the djinn gifted him as a wedding present, Guillermo's got his boyfriend who we're going to get to meet soon...

I just can't believe the show is gifting us with such a hilarious setup. Guillermo's living his best life and even though Nandor is a newlywed, he is about to be wracked with terrible jealousy and I am thrilled about it all.

So that's it! Bonus points go to the Guide for talking about her brief but intense love for Nandor, and then later Marwa, upon first meeting them. She's living her best life.

9.5/10

#review #wwdits #wwdits review #what we do in the shadows #what we do in the shadows review

14 notes · View notes

vampireshmampire · 3 years

Text

A Hole in the Family Portrait (Ch 5/5)

Guillermo is gone, and his absence is so palpable even the new familiar notices. Nandor's so busy moping he might miss his chance find a way to bring him back, and lose him forever.

But Guillermo's heard too many apologies already. It's going to take something really, really big.

“So,” Guillermo says, brightly. His skin is waxy and there are dark bags under his eyes, but he is nonetheless cheerful and excited. “I’m a vampire. Not one hundred percent yet. I have to drink human blood first. I can still see myself in the mirror a little, which is great, because I can see what I look like.”

Guillermo stands in front of a mirror, hissing and baring his fangs. His reflection is cloudy, and moves a second slower than Guillermo does.

Guillermo nods and grins winder.

“I look good.”

He continues to nod for a bit, then presses his lips together.

“I do feel terrible though. Like physically. Everything hurts. So I’d like to get the whole process over with sooner rather than later.”

Guillermo stands behind Rusty, eying him critically as he tapes fresh newspaper over the windows.

“I’m having a surprisingly hard time letting go of being a familiar. I guess old habits die hard.”

“No. No. Stop.” He flaps a hand at Rusty, who hurriedly backs away. Guillermo begins to fold up the pieces of newspaper in a very particular way. “You need layers, but you also need to be able to move them to see out if you need to. You have to be careful.”

“I just want it done right.”

Rusty is cleaning in Nandor’s room. He cringes back as Guillermo stalks in.

Guillermo jerks the feather duster out of Rusty’s hand and glares at him. The familiar scrambles out of Nandor’s room as Guillermo begins to dust off the suit of armor in the corner.

“Nandor doesn’t really approve. He’s pretty hot on the whole ‘you are a vampire not a familiar’ thing.”

Nandor enters, holding Rusty by the scruff of his shirt, Rusty’s feet dragging as he is pulled too quickly to keep up. Nandor sets the familiar down next to Guillermo, who opens his mouth, expression defensive. Before he can speak, Nandor pulls the feather duster out of his hand and gives it to Rusty.

Guillermo tries to speak again, but Nandor takes him firmly by the arm and leads him out of the room. Rusty glances nervously at the camera, and resumes dusting.

“Guillermo is a vampire now,” Nandor tells the camera sternly. “He should not be doing familiar things. He should be doing vampire things.”

Nandor looks very nervous. He drums his fingers on his knees, eyes flicking around the room.

“Guillermo still hasn’t said anything about the…other thing we discussed.”

“I am in love with you, obviously.”

“I haven’t said anything either, but I do not want to push. It is his decision to make. I am not afraid,” he adds. Then he shoves an unprepared and slightly terrified smile onto his face. “But he hasn’t left yet! That is a good sign, right?”

Guillermo smiles.

“Obviously I’m staying. I’m in love with him, I mean–” He laughs. “Duh. You guys have been watching, right?”

A brief montage: many, many shots of Guillermo gazing fondly from a distance.

Guillermo makes a sheepish grimace around the smile.

“I’m just not telling him that because–and I know how it sounds, I do, but after everything I’ve been through, I think I'm allowed to be a little petty.”

Guillermo walks into the library, strolling over to where Nandor stands beside a bookshelf.

“Hey, I just needed to grab something.” He goes up on his tiptoes and reaches for a book, apparently unaware that his face is inches from Nandor’s. He wobbles slightly and puts out a hand to grab the bookshelf…on the other side of Nandor, essentially pinning the vampire between the bookshelf and his own body.

Nandor is very still, his eyes wide and fixed on the face close enough to kiss. He swallows hard.

“Got it.” Guillermo manages to tug the book free and sinks back down. He grins up at Nandor. “Hi.”

“...hello,” Nandor manages. Guillermo lets go of the bookshelf and gives Nandor’s shoulder a friendly squeeze, which makes Nandor start slightly. Then he turns and leaves. With his back to Nandor, he smirks at the camera and waggles his eyebrows.

Nandor stares after him, longingly.

Guillermo’s grin is now mischievous.

“I like making him squirm.” He holds up two fingers very close together. “Juuust a little.”

“I had no idea he’d take my jibe as advice,” Colin Robinson says. “I was just trying to get a rise out of him, rub a little salt in the wound. I’d never deliberately try to help my friend think of a way to win back the love of his life.”

He gives a little laugh.

“C’mon, does that sound like something I’d do? And I definitely didn’t miss having Guillermo around the house. No, I know you didn’t ask me that, I just wanted to make sure everyone was on the same page.”

“It’s really nice of you to let me take your old room.”

Guillermo leans against the wall as Rusty unpacks the things he’s brought down from the attic.

“Hey, I’m not going to be using it anymore,” Guillermo says, cheerfully. He presses his tongue to a fang, absentmindedly testing it.

Rusty glances at the many, many black tallymarks.

“Were you really a familiar for ten years?”

“More like eleven,” Guillermo says. “But I’ve known familiars who were in service for decades. Like, thirty, forty years.”

Rusty swallows hard. As casually as he can, and sounding very unconvincing, he says “do you…really think they won’t turn me? I mean, they, they said they would–”

“Oh, of course they will,” Guillermo says, hurriedly. “I was just mad and lashing out, you know how it is. Nadja and Laszlo are great, I’m sure they’ll turn you when the time is right.”

He gives Rusty a reassuring smile. As soon as Rusty looks away, the smile is gone. Guillermo presses his lips together, looks at the camera, and shakes his head.

“You left a couple things behind when you left. I don’t know if you want them back?”

“Oh, my sweater! I was wondering where that went.” He takes it off the pile. “You can keep the other stuff, I don’t really–”

Guillermo freezes. His grip tightens on the sweater as he stares down at the bed and the carefully repaired glitter portrait that had been hidden under the sweater.

Rusty gives the camera an uncomfortable look, but says nothing as Guillermo lifts the picture off the bed. The new vampire flips the portrait over and stares at the careful lines of tape.

“Where–Where did you find this? Did you put this back together?”

“No! It was like that when I found it. It was there on the desk when I first found this place.”

Guillermo adjusts his grip, folding the sweater over his arm so he can hold the picture carefully in both hands. His eyes trace over the jagged lines where the portrait doesn’t quite fit back together. He swallows hard.

“Thanks,” he says abruptly, and forces a smile onto his face. “I’ll…I’ll hang on to that.”

Guillermo tosses the sweater onto the bed of his new room and sits down beside it, still staring at the picture in his hands.

“It was while I was packing. I was just going to leave it behind. I thought that would be enough. But then he came down and–I can’t remember what he said, something about wasn’t this proof he appreciated me or something. And I remembered the night he gave it to me, my ten year anniversary as a familiar, and him thinking it was two years, and, and I got so angry–”

He lets out a sigh, even though he doesn’t need to breathe anymore.

“I ripped it up. Right in front of him. Tossed the pieces on the ground and walked out. I didn’t even say goodbye.”

Guillermo is quiet for a moment.

“He must have…have fixed it. After I left. Even after everything I said.”

The scene may as well have had subtitles at the bottom saying the glitter portrait is a metaphor for their relationship.

Guillermo clears his throat and carefully puts the poster on the bedside table, arranging it so it stands up, visible to the rest of the room.

“I’m…I should uh. Finish unpacking.”

An exterior view of the house at night, then brief shots of the household getting dressed. The vampires are particularly fussy about their appearances, Nadja snapping at Rusty every time he brings the wrong pair of shoes.

“Tonight is a very important night,” Guillermo says to the camera. “Tonight I drink human blood and become a full vampire.”

He buttons up a plain blue shirt. After some hesitation, he leaves the top one undone and adjusts the shirt so his collarbone is visible.

“I wanted to dress up, you know, special occasion, but apparently your first time tends to be really messy so it’s better to wear stuff you don’t mind getting a lot of blood on. At first I thought, c’mon, I’ve been watching you guys do this for eleven years, I think I know what I’m doing. But I realized reading a book about Michelangelo doesn’t make you a master sculptor. And I don’t want to ruin my good vest.”

“I’m a little nervous, but everyone is being really supportive. Even Colin Robinson. In…his own way.”

Laszlo slaps Guillermo on the back as everyone gathers in one of the bigger communal rooms. Plastic sheets have been laid down over most of the rugs and furniture.

“Don’t worry about messing up, Guillermo,” Colin Robinson says. “If you make an idiot out of yourself, we’ll be the only ones who remember for the rest of our lives.”

Guillermo gives the camera an unamused look.

The man is classically handsome, with bright eyes and a nervous smile. He glances around at the room, at the plastic sheets covering the furniture.

“Uh, hi–”

Nadja waves a hand.

“Shut up. Hold still, and don’t scream. Everything is fine.”

The man goes slack.

“Cool,” he says.

All eyes turn to Guillermo, who hesitates, glancing nervously between the cameras and the victim. Nandor gives Guillermo a gentle push.

“Go on,” he says, encouragingly. You can do it.”

Guillermo stands in front of the man and hesitates.

“Where do I put my hands?” he asks, turning to look back at everyone.

“On his shoulders,” Nandor says, encouragingly.

“He’s too tall,” Laszlo mutters. Nadja glares at Rusty.

“Why did you get someone so tall?” she whispers furiously.

“I’m, I’m sorry,” Rusty whispers back, cringing. “I didn’t think–”

“No, you didn’t,” she hisses, “and now Guillermo is going to have a very awkward first time drinking blood and it is all your fault!”

Suddenly Colin Robinson nudges Nadja in the ribs.

“Maybe not.”

Guillermo cradles the back of the man’s head in one hand. The man is staring into his eyes, dumbstruck by more than Nadja’s hypnosis.

“Come here,” Guillermo says, and there’s a strange inflection in his voice.

“Okay,” the man says. He leans down, eyes sliding shut.

The camera shifts briefly to Nandor, whose face is carefully blank. The vampire has pulled his cape around him in such a way that his lower half is concealed.

Guillermo strikes like a snake, burying his fangs deep in the human’s throat. He drinks and drinks. The vampires look on with expressions of unusually open affection.

“Attaboy, Gizmo.”

“He is a natural,” Nandor says, proudly.

Guillermo drops the body. Blood is smeared around his mouth and spattered onto the front of his blue shirt. He looks at Nandor, eyes blazing with bloodlust and regular lust.

Colin Robinson steps smartly out of the way as Guillermo collides with Nandor. They both go crashing back against the wall. Their mouths meet, hands grasp desperately at clothes and hair and skin alike. They seem to have forgotten that anyone else is in the room, and possibly the world at large.

The camera hurriedly turns away.

“I remember my first blood-drunk sexual frenzy,” Lazlo says. Nadja smiles and clasps her hands together.

“Oh, it is so sweet.”

Offscreen, there is the sound of tearing fabric, and a snarl so animalistic it is hard to imagine that the throat making it was ever anything like human. Rusty flinches and backs away, expression horrified.

“Let’s give them a little privacy, yes?” Nadja suggests, gripping Rusty firmly by the shoulders and turning him to face the other way. The camera remains very carefully turned away from the tumult on the far side of the room, but the mic picks up the moans and growls and the sound of splintering wood.

“Alright you crazy kids, try not to go too wild,” Lazlo calls into the room, then shuts the door and shakes his head, smiling.

“Have fun cleaning that up,” Colin Robinson tells Rusty, who gives a half-hearted laugh.

Nadja smiles.

“I love a happy ending.” Her smile twists into a smirk and she leans in to say at the camera “Sounds like Guillermo does too.”

This is met with great amusement, but when Rusty laughs, Laszlo smacks him across the back of his head.

“You don’t get to laugh, you moron, you nearly ruined the whole thing.”

Nadja grabs his hand.

“Come on, Laszlo, let’s go reenact your first blood drinking.”

“Ooh, I don’t know if we can, my darling. Where are we going to get a horse at this hour?”

“Use your imagination!” she says, playfully, and drags him down the hall.

“Is it like that every time?”

The camera moves slowly down the hall, picking up soft voices. The door is open slightly, either pushed open by someone checking on the vampires within, or perhaps knocked loose by their exertions. The room is a mess. Furniture is upended, shelves knocked clear, shreds of clothing scattered freely. Nandor lies on his back, Guillermo’s head resting on his chest, their modesty protected only by the cape draped over them. Guillermo traces his fingers back and forth across Nandor’s skin, expression distant and thoughtful.

“The sex or the blood drinking?” Nandor asks.

“The blood drinking.”

“Sometimes if you get really hungry, but mostly no.”

“Mm. Probably a good thing. I don’t think I could handle it if it was like that every time.”

“The sex or the blood drinking?”

“Both.”

“Oh, good. I was going to try, for you, if you wanted, but uh, kind of wears me out.”

Guillermo chuckles, but his expression quickly grows serious.

“I, uh. I found the glitter portrait.”

Nandor goes very still, staring at the ceiling.

“Mm?” he says, in what is clearly an attempt to sound casual.

“I’m sorry I tore it up,” Guillermo says. “And…I’m glad you fixed it.”

Nandor puts his hand over Guillermo’s.

“I am glad you came home.”

Guillermo tilts his head back to smile at Nandor.

“Me too.”

Nandor fiddles with the cape, smoothing it out and adjusting the edges so it lays over them more neatly.

“Speaking of you coming home, about the other question? The one that you were going to wait until after you were a vampire to answer…?”

Guillermo pushes himself up onto an elbow and looks down at Nandor with astonishment.

“You really have to ask?” he says. “After all that?”

“Just because someone will fuck me does not mean they will love me,” Nandor says, simply. Guillermo’s surprise softens, and he leans down to press a gentle kiss to Nandor’s cheek.

“I can do both,” he promises, with a hint of a smile.

“And will you?”

“I will.”

Nandor lets out a surprisingly loud sigh of relief and slumps back. Guillermo laughs.

"It's not funny!" Nandor protests, without much heat. "I was really worried."

“Well,” Guillermo says, walking his fingers up Nandor’s chest. “Allow me to reassure you.”

“What does that mean?” Nandor asks, confused.

“It means I’m going to fuck your brains out.”

“Oh!” Nandor says, happily. “Okay.”

Guillermo glances over at the camera.

“Shut the door, guys. Unless you want your show to be pay-per-view only.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means the Catholic guilt can’t touch me now so I am going to do such unholy things to your body it would get me excommunicated if I wasn’t already an undead aberration.”

“Okay,” Nandor says enthusiastically, and Guillermo drags the cape over them.

#nandermo #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless #nadja of antipaxos #laszlo cravensworth #what we do in the shadows #wwdits #what we blog in the shadows

27 notes · View notes

danepopfrippery · 3 years

Text

What We Do in the Shadows: A Rewatch Part 2

Now for the lgbtqi fans: I wanted to go down the Nandor Guillermo route. One fan asked if straights really didnt read Guillermo as gay originally. I can only speak for my boring straight ass but no I didnt. I just take TV as it comes to me, so I dont read into any of it. But unlike what I hear are some shitty reddit fans, I would strongly disagree that the vampires are straight. They have all basically openly admitted to fucking any and every gender and have bi yearly orgies (which Nadja says is ‘ok’ only lol). In fact you could even argue the only really monogamous leaning one is Nadja, as she tries to resist Jesk and never does more than kiss him. But she doesnt seem to care what Laszlo gets up to (literally any and everything) tho she did seem shocked he was dumb enough to fuck ‘anything with long brown hair’ incl Nandor (2X9). I don’t think u can really roll with this show if you aren’t open to all of that.

As for Guillermo he was the general sexless blob in season 1. Season 2 they seemed to be steering him towards women, having him reference if hed stayed at Panera he might have a gf by now. In The Curse (2X4) hes like the action hero saving Shanice. Which can we stop and discuss how ungodly awful she is as a character? I’ve enjoyed every character on this show except her. She doesnt have a real stutter, shes just really bad at speaking. And shes fucking annoying. God I hate her. He should have let her die. But hes too sweet. Thankfully thats the last we’ve seen of her since.

I remember reading an interview towards the end of Season 2 when the interviewer asked Harvey if Guillermo may get his panera bread girlfriend, or what did he want to see. He said nah, and then stated he was gay. I was a little surprised because I just never thought about it. But after that the writers seemed to go full Nandermo which hey why not?

I think Guillermo as a whole character read as just nothing especially to me was the orgy ep hes just dying of embarrassment (grew up VERY catholic) and then stated he wouldnt be partaking cuz he doesnt do anything with anyone. But then when he ran away to the fake vampire (Collaboration 2X8) he seemed...down with the orgy idea but left his dicky on at the least. BTW contrasting Shanice, the best random character is Sam the Cat and I’d like to see more of him. Of course Nandor has eaten cats so hes prbly wise to stay away. As for them as anything well, unlike the nandermo fans Im not holding much hope as an actual plot point. I’m convinced Nandor literally sees him as basically one step below Ja-han (his beloved horse). In the first ep of Season 3 Nandor is the only one to really take pity on Guillermo. He had in the past (checking in on him and trying to win him back in 2X8). He warms some raw chicken for him, keeps them all from immediately killing him for a month lol. When they decide not to kill him and four way hypnotize him, Guillermo thanks them and says he sees them as family. Nandor cuts him off and is like ‘yeah no one cares about ur life story.’ When he says his ‘promotion’ isnt much of dick, Nadja states its better than being dead and ‘bloody better’ than being a familiar. So basically to them familiars are all but dead...they think very little of them. This has been stated several times before, which also shows why before Benji we had not met a familiar turned vampire (but Nandor ONLY did it for Guillermo, which was sweet).

When Guillermo does run away again (2X10) Nadja muses this is why you don’t get close to humans, they either leave or die and muses the cameraman looks like he’ll die soon (I think he said he was 27 lol). Living for 700 years really skews your viewpoint. Nadja is prbly about 500 years old (Nandor is 700 and destroyed her village ‘200 years before she was born’) and assuming they had a familiar for at least 50 years thats 10. But they went thru 10 like in 2019 lololol so shes prbly even more jaded than the avg vampire.

Ja-han (John but basically ‘my universe’ according to people who speak Persian) was Nandor’s horse he loved so much it kept his spirit from moving on. I get it...I tried picturing being in a survival setting and having to kill one of my cats for food. I’d rather die. So hes braver than I am. (Yes Im sure my cats would eat me if it came down to it but their welcome to it).

So we basically open Season 3 on 11 years of Guillermo being there, and Nandor mostly missing him for his slave duties at first, then kinda actually caring about him. I just really vibe it as like your pet, you’re special little guy who is not on your level. I do think when S3 opens and Guillermo references codependency, I do think thats for ALL of them. Some of those assassins were nowhere near Nandor (clean more quietly Im trying to sleep!) but he still saved Laszlo and Nadja.

Its in ep 2 with the cloak Im convinced Guillermo actually realized he cares about Nandor in a more than boss/friend way. He seems shocked when Meg suggests that. What he made of those thoughts afterwards we don’t really know. But when Gail enters the picture again I think he realizes he might need to do with it sooner than later, especially when the ring is brought out. By the Casino ep Guillermo is about to state hes gay before he gets cut off.

I dont think Nandor even realized he fully was in crisis until they ascended the council. Nadja asks wtf is wrong with him, given his love of ceremony (all mail opened in the fancy room) and now hes just mush. He, like Guillermo, seemed confused. Also like Guillermo, he seemed to not look in the house, but outward.

I dont put much stock in that dick fondling scene (omfg that was a ride...and I think mostly fully had us distracted from the actual main plot point). Guillermo finds semen everywhere (2X9 Witches) and MAKES A BUSINESS OFF OF IT. He was also tasked with the orgy prep and I cant imagine Nandor put all those dildos on his own (boy theres a scene we could have used seeing lololol). Someone on here noted he had the dupe body and broke the door down as Nandor was plowing Gail. So I think dick size isnt news to Guillermo...never mind the pantsless dancing in the Gail ep. Someone also said they thought the esteemed vampires heard Guillermo and Nandor arguing (heightened senses) so the fondling scene was just to fuck with him. I like that theory...it vibes with canon. Also very David Cross thing to do.

If all the footage from the preview ad is new, I think the sexy fight scene between Guillermo and Nandor is about him proposing to Gail yet again. Because theres a shot of that and according to Nadja he does that shit all the time. Maybe Gail accepts. Guillermo would not be thrilled (guardian of his heart after all). Also frankly traveling alone is enough of a reason...this man literally didnt know how to pay at a grocery store cash wrap (first ep). How he’d make it is beyond me. I dont think he could see Delaware on his own and be okay lololol.

If there is to be any Nandermo I think it would be next season. Guillermo is his bodyguard but the vampires all constantly forget it and only rarely treat him as above a familiar (basically a slave that shouldnt be seen or heard). Guillermo would have to do something to really put him on equal footing before I think Nandor would even acknowledge that possibility. The fight could do it...someone here noted they would be pretty equally matched (Nandor has super vampire strength and Guillermo is crazy vampire killing talented). Probably one of the only times Nandor looked genuinely proud of him is when he was full vampire rampage in the finale of season 2 (look out behind you!) It was short lived tho (who cares you didnt pick up the fucking laundry lololol).

Whelp 4 more days. I’ll prbly do one more rewatch. God I love this show. Next year wont be soon enough!

#what we do in the shadows #wwdits #nandermo #Guillermo #Nandor #spoilers

16 notes · View notes

chelsfic · 4 years

Text

Leftovers - Part 12/12 - Nandor the Relentless x Female Reader Fanfic

For Previous Parts: WWDITS Masterlist

Summary: The reader shares her last night alive with her new family.

A/N: I realized as I was writing this that this whole fic could really be read as an elongated metaphor for my falling in love with this show and this fandom. I hope you guys like this ending and aren’t disappointed.

Warnings: Angst, Emotions, Crack humor, Turning into a vampire

---

It’s an hour after sunset and you can hear your housemates stirring. You’re still lying in bed. The ceiling overhead is cracked and peeling in places. You suppose this probably won’t be your bedroom for much longer. Nandor will want you to move into his crypt. Will you have your own coffin? Or will he want to keep sharing? How does one even purchase a coffin for...personal use?

You know you’re stalling. Nandor is being uncharacteristically patient, but he won’t wait all night. You’re not afraid. Okay, you’re afraid. But, you’d be stupid not to be. You saw Guillermo during his transition. He looked like hell for about three whole days. But you know Nandor will take care of you. Well, strike that. You know Nandor will try to take care of you and if he fails, Nadja and Guillermo will be there.

The night you met...the night you almost became a meal...was your birthday. So much has happened since then. You’ve been kept prisoner, fed upon, attacked, hurt. You’ve also fallen in love with every vampire in this crazy house, even Colin Robinson, bless his heart. Nandor and his bizarre mix of vicious lust and achingly sweet softness has somehow pulled you into this world, into a place you’ve always belonged without even knowing it. So, yeah, you’re afraid. But the idea of not spending every night for the rest of eternity surrounded by these beautiful, damaged, stupid idiots is even more frightening.

A knock comes at your door and Nadja’s voice trills, “Hello, human? May I come in?”

You roll onto your side and sit up, dangling your bare legs over the edge of the bed. You’re wearing one of your few dresses because...well, because you’re going to die tonight and shouldn’t you dress up a little?

Nadja slips inside looking resplendent and deadly as always. She gives you a sympathetic smile and comes to sit next to you.

“Feeling a little nervous about our unholy transition, are we?” she ducks her head and gives you that mama-vampire-knows-best look of hers.

You lean your shoulder into hers, taking comfort in her presence.

“Maybe a little…” you admit. “I’m not having second thoughts or anything it’s just…”

“A little spooky wooky, yes?” Nadja supplies. She wraps her arm around your back and pulls you closer. “Don’t concern your head off, darling. I don’t know if you realize this but I am considered a bit of an expert. I’ve turned many, many humans in my time. Including my dear Laszlo. I’ll make sure Nandor does not slip up and accidentally make you into a zombie monstrosity like my poor Topher.”

You rear back and stare at Nadja with horror stricken eyes, “That’s a possibility!??”

Nadja chuckles and tweaks your nose, “I am giving you sarcasm! To lighten the mood! It’s working, yes?”

You let out a long-suffering sigh that hiccups into nervous laughter.

“I love you, Nadja,” you say with sudden, overwhelming emotion. You dive forward and wrap your arms around her in a fierce hug.

Nadja is stricken for a moment and she pats your back gingerly, “That’s...very nice. You think you want to come downstairs now? Because Nandor is being a real donkey dick down there waiting for you, but his balls are too shriveled to come up here and get you himself.”

You laugh and pull back from the hug, wiping tears from your eyes, “Yeah, let’s go. I’m ready.”

---

“SURPRISE!”

“HAPPY DEATHDAY!”

“SMASHLEY’S IN DA HOUSE!”

“What’s crack-a-lackin’?”

Nandor looks supremely put out when everyone yells something different as you walk through the door to the fancy room. Does no one listen to him? They had an agreed upon plan! He scowls at at the other vampires, especially fucking Colin Robinson, before sweeping over toward you and taking you from Nadja’s arm.

“Welcome to your Death Day Party! Do you like it?” Nandor looks down at you with those wide, sparkling eyes that make you forget he’s a centuries old blood-sucking fiend who once conquered nations and slaughtered thousands.

You take in your surroundings with a look of wonder. There’s a giant glitter banner hanging above the fireplace that reads “Congratulations on your Dark Awakening.” You recognize it as Nandor’s handiwork at once. Also, Guillermo has obviously been to Party City because everyone is wearing pointed birthday hats with little Dracula emojis all over them and the whole room is absolutely covered in crepe paper.

“It’s...so cute!” you squeal, grabbing him around the middle in an enthusiastic hug. This is...just want you needed. A little goofy, human levity before stepping off the edge of the unknown. Your eyes continue wandering over the room until they fall upon a long table set up against the wall. “Oh...my g--gahhhh--is that mac and cheese?”

The table is covered in dish after dish of all your favorite comfort foods. Macaroni and cheese, pizza, lasagna. Apple pie, blueberry pie, cherry pie! There’s a whole giant bowl of Reese’s peanut butter cups. You pull away from Nandor and dash across the room, launching yourself into Guillermo’s arms.

“You’re the sweetest monster I’ve ever known!” you cry, doing your best to squeeze the unlife out of him.

Guillermo laughs, “Listen, you’re going to be puking for days either way. You might as well have one last chance to enjoy human food.”

You roll your eyes, “Thanks for the reminder, Memo.”

“Alrighty!” Nandor is suddenly picking you up from behind and plucking you out of Guillermo’s arms. “That’s enough of that. Why don’t you have some of this--” he turns his head away from you and gags “--yummy food and then we’ll listen to some human musical arrangements that Nadja and Laszlo have prepared.”

Nandor hovers at your side, watching with a wrinkled nose as you pile food onto your plate. You’ve barely made a dent in the impressive spread and you’re feeling guilty about the waste when Colin Robinson ambles up.

“So, nervous about Nandor draining all your blood and killing you tonight?” he asks breezily.

You ignore the question and instead ask one of your own, “Hey, you think you can bring some of the leftovers into your office tomorrow? I’d hate to waste all this…”

Colin’s face lights with a maniacal grin, “Barbara’s on a diet...Yeah...this will be perfect!”

You settle onto one of the couches, sandwiched between Guillermo and Nandor. Both vampires look vaguely nauseated as you tuck into your food, but they’re holding it together.

Laszlo stands up with Nadja and starts strumming a guitar as he addresses everyone, “When I first met our human I assumed she’d soon be fertilizing my vulva garden--”

Nadja slaps his arm and Nandor hisses indignantly.

“But! But!” Laszlo continues, bowing with a flourish in your direction. “I came to realize that this particular human was something special. I decided to accept her into the fold. Mostly because she kept Nandor off my back and also my wife threatened to maim my testicles if I ate her…

“So, here we are, human. The last night of your life and we’ve got just one thing to say…”

The couple launches into a screeching, cloying rendition of “(I’ve had) The Time of my Life” from the Dirty Dancing soundtrack (blatantly stolen from Laszlo’s catalogue of compositions). Your face is frozen in horrified laughter and you flick your gaze to Guillermo’s to see that he’s covering his mouth to stifle his own laughs. On your other side, Nandor is clapping along and bobbing his head with the music. Yup, this is your tribe.

The party goes on for another couple hours. Laszlo and Nadja perform several more “hits” before finishing up with “The Girl in the Village with the Very Small Foot.” Nadja’s singing voice is still ringing in your ears when Nandor bends down to whisper, “It’s time, my human.”

The levity of the party has done a lot to calm your nerves, but you can’t help the sudden grip of anxiety around your throat at his words. You look up, falling, once again, into the fathomless depths of his lovely, dark eyes and you think, That’s what this is. You’re going to live in that deep, dark beauty from now on. There’s nothing scary about that.

You both stand up to leave and say your goodbyes. Laszlo and Colin wish you luck. Guillermo hugs you and presses several quick kisses to your cheeks as Nandor murmurs warningly, “Watch it!”

When he releases you, you’re suddenly engulfed in the arms of a crying Nadja.

“I do love you, you magnificent, ruthless baby!” she sobs. “Nandor, if you fuck this up I’m going to make a hat out of your asshole.”

You laugh into her shoulder and Nandor complains, “Yeesh! Alright, calm down, Nadja!”

By the time you’ve pried yourself from Nadja’s grip you’ve joined her in crying and your face is soaked. Who knew vampires could be so sentimental?

Nandor grimaces in distaste as he brings his hands up to wipe away the tears.

“Ready!?”

---

Nandor’s crypt looks just as it always does. No crepe paper or glitter in sight. Just the warm glow of candles, the rich red and gold accents of the decor, and the solid familiar bulk of the coffin where you’ve spent so many nights wrapped in his protective embrace. He leads you over to the chaise lounge and you both sit, fidgeting nervously and darting shy glances at one another.

Nandor plucks at the fabric of your dress, “This is nice.”

You smile faintly, “Thanks, I--I thought maybe I should dress up for the occasion. Is that stupid? I guess it’ll just get stained…”

“No,” Nandor cuts in, looking earnest and serious. “No, I’ll be careful.”

You nod and fall silent again. The knowledge of what you’re about to do seems to hang like a thick curtain between you. The easy intimacy that you’ve shared is strained with the gravity of what is to come. Nandor finally huffs out an exasperated sigh and pulls you into his lap. At first you think he’s just going to bite the bullet, so to speak, and dig into your neck at once. But instead he grabs your face and pulls you into a searing, all-consuming kiss.

He tangles his fingers in your hair, pushing his tongue into your mouth with a low groan. You stroke your hands down the long column of his throat, running them across his broad shoulders and down his back. How this man--this perfectly imperfect, wonderfully fragile, fierce warrior man--has come to choose you, you can’t begin to understand. For countless other human souls, catching the eye of Nandor the Relentless has meant grim misfortune. For you, finding yourself the prey of a murderous vampire is the best thing that’s ever happened in your life.

Except maybe being MVP at last year’s championship bout.

Nandor’s lips fall away and he looks up at you, panting heavily with his hair mussed and tangled. His gaze flicks down to your exposed throat and you see him swallow in anticipation. He reaches for something on an end table and shows you the stainless steel travel mug containing his blood. You take it from him noting the strip of masking tape on the lid with Nandor’s elegant scrawl--his name and the date.

You snort, setting the container down on the cushions beside you and looking back up at Nandor.

“Prepare yourself, my mortal,” he growls, fangs elongating and eyes flashing with a predatory gleam.

You turn your head, baring your neck for your vampire boyfriend, and answering lightly, “I have a name, you know.”

---

THE END

A/N: Hey, thank you so so so much to everyone who read and supported this fic from the beginning! Your comments and encouragement mean the world to me!

Tags:

@festering-queen, @kandomeresbitch, @strangestdiary, @glitterportrait, @scuzmunkie, @redwoodshadows, @sarasxe, @rileyomalley

#nandor the relentless #nandor x reader #nandor the relentless x reader #nandor the relentless imagine #wwdits fanfic #wwdits #what we do in the shadows

281 notes · View notes

chelsfic · 4 years

Text

Leftovers - Part 7 - Nandor the Relentless x Reader Fanfic

Previous parts: Masterlist

A/N: Well...this was unexpected. I wasn’t planning to go in this direction quite YET, but the characters had minds of their own...

Summary: While planning for the upcoming biannual orgy, the reader gets a lesson in seduction from Laszlo and Nandor finally surrenders to his desire.

Warnings: Smut, Female reader, Blood drinking, First time, Loss of Virginity

---

Nadja’s voice echoes through the house as she rushes into the library clutching a letter in her hands.

“Laszlo! Nandor! Colin Robinson! House meeting!”

Guillermo trails after her carrying the rest of the mail. Bills, a grocery circular, and a stack of computer parts catalogs addressed to Colin. He drops the pile on an end table and takes an unobtrusive position by the doorway as the other housemates start to file in with varying expressions of annoyance, curiosity and boredom.

You’re the last one to arrive, traipsing into the room looking vastly under dressed, as always, compared to the old world vampires in their elegant finery. Even Colin and Guillermo keep it business casual. You, on the other hand, are dressed in a pair of neon pink capri leggings and the USA Men’s Basketball jersey you stole from Nandor. The jersey falls down to your knees and the wide arm holes reveal the sports bra you’re wearing underneath. When Nandor first caught you wearing it a couple weeks ago he’d groused at you about disrespecting his belongings. But then he found himself strangely pleased with how his garment dwarfed your smaller frame. He rather liked the idea of his human wearing his shirt. So, he stopped complaining.

You give him a cheeky grin and flounce the bottom of the shirt around your thighs saucily as you flop down beside him. It’s been just about a month since the rave and since things between you and Nandor...advanced. You’ve started secretly thinking of him as your vampire boyfriend. You spend more nights in his coffin than you do in your own bed and you’ve both enjoyed the closeness that comes with sleeping in an enclosed box.

You’ve continued to touch, kiss, and explore each other physically. Your progress has been slow, though you’ve gone further and experienced more with Nandor than you ever have with anyone else. But he is being downright mulish about taking the next logical step. On the one hand it’s comforting to have a more experienced partner who is so willing to go slowly. On the other hand...you’re horny. And you can’t tell if he’s being considerate and cautious or if he’s being selfish and wanting the best of both worlds: sexy times and virgin blood.

You sit so that your leg brushes against his and take his hand, twining your fingers together happily. You probably look like a preteen with her first boyfriend but you don’t really care.

Colin Robinson grins and his eyes flash blue as he drones, “PDA! Get a room, you guys.”

Nandor hisses angrily and you roll your eyes. You spot Guillermo standing rigidly by the door and wave him over, patting the cushion on your other side.

“Memo! Come sit down for the meeting,” you invite.

Guillermo’s eyes flick to his master automatically and Nandor proclaims, “Vampires--non-familiars only, Guillermo!”

“What!?” you exclaim, slapping his arm. “Stop being mean to Guillermo!”

“Mean!?” Nandor scoffs. “I’m not mean to Guillermo! I saved him from being executed by the Vampiric Council last year, didn’t I?”

Guillermo nods, “Yes, master...although I did save you as well--”

“And I let you have the human giving thanks holiday off, didn’t I?” he interrupts.

“That was...three years ago…” Guillermo mumbles.

Nandor is gearing up for a full on hissy fit but Nadja interrupts, “Enough! Gizmo, go and sit with the human, you know Nandor is going to surrender to her eventually and I have news to announce!”

You smile in triumph and Guillermo reluctantly slinks forward to sit on your other side, eyeing his master over your head with a worried look.

“That’s strike one, Guillermo,” Nandor grumbles irritably, as Nadja takes over.

“I didn’t want to tell you until I had their answer,” Nadja smiles beatifically and folds her hands over her heart, “but I petitioned the vampire orgy committee and they’ve decided to give us a second chance to host the biannual orgy! I explained that my husband had been unnaturally deranged by some putrid blood--”

“Don’t you mean, betrayed by my wife?” Laszlo interjects.

“--and so we’re hosting it this weekend!” Nadja finishes, ignoring her idiot husband.

“Wonderful!” Nandor cries, dropping your hand and standing up to pace the room. “We’ll need to begin preparations at once. Guillermo, I’m giving Nadja permission to boss you around. It needs to be perfect this time!”

“Thank you, Nandor,” Nadja trills, obviously euphoric with plan-making already. “This time we’ll chain the virgins up, so there’s no chance for the cheeky buggers to spoil our fun…”

“Excellent idea, darling!” Laszlo praises, eager to show his support and avoid sleeping in one of the basement coffins tonight.

Nandor nods, “Yes, good suggestion, Nadja. Guillermo, you’ll bring the chains up from the basement...”

Nandor continues rattling off orders and you listen with increasing bafflement and alarm. He’s clearly giddy as he lists the “supplies” they’ll need.

“The sex net, obviously… the swing… assorted dildos… we should get a few Devil’s butt plugs, shouldn’t we? Those were popular at Marcus’s orgy last year…”

You turn, wide-eyed, to Guillermo and find him looking resigned and pulling a notebook from his back pocket to write this down.

Laszlo, Nadja and even Colin Robinson join in the discussion and they don’t seem likely to lose momentum any time soon.

Finally, you clear your throat and speak up, “Um...I’m sorry. So...you--all of you--go to...sex parties? Like, where you...have sex all--all together?”

God, could you sound more virginy? You direct the question to everyone in the room but your eyes focus on Nandor. He looks away with an uncomfortable grimace.

Nadja tuts and puts a hand to her forehead as she croons, “Oh my sweet, baby virgin! I have forgotten how stupid and innocent you are. Do you not know what an orgy is? It is like a dark, bacchanalia of the flesh… a joining of bodies into one, throbbing mass of pleasure. And it is a great honor to host it! Vampires from all over New York will attend.”

“But…” what you really want to do is talk to Nandor in private. Your mind is racing with half-formed concerns, but mainly you’re hoping your new vampire boyfriend isn’t planning to have casual sex with a dozen strangers after spending the last month refusing to deflower you because he’d rather preserve the taste of your blood than deepen your...well, what you’d thought of as your relationship.

But you can’t give a voice to these worries even if the idea of Nandor with someone else stabs at your heart. You don’t want to be the needy virgin. The silly little girl who thinks a 758-year-old vampire is interested in “going steady.” Are you being unreasonable? Are you being unrealistic? Are you being insensitive to vampire culture? All at once you feel tears stinging your eyes and you blink rapidly to clear them before anyone notices.

“I know what you’re worrying about, my warrior,” Nadja breaks through your thoughts. “But you’ll be perfectly safe during the orgy. Look!”

She poofs into a cloud of vapor, reappearing a few seconds later holding a pair of matching plain white t-shirts with the words “Do Not Eat” printed on them.

“One for you and one for Gizmo!” she exclaims with a proud smile as if this solves everything.

---

“So…” you start and then trail off, not really knowing what you want to say.

You’re up in the attic with Nadja and Laszlo, helping them sort through boxes with labels like “Sex Dungeon,” “In Case of Orgy,” and “Emergency Dildos.”

Laszlo uncovers something wedged behind the StairMaster and exults, “My darling! Do you remember this…?”

It looks like a dildo circa the Renaissance period, smooth and hand-carved with a leather harness attached. Laszlo throws his head back and his hands twitch excitedly at his sides as Nadja stalks up to him with a seductive smirk.

“Of course, I do, my naughty boy. And if you are good and don’t ruin this orgy with your moods then maybe we’ll have ourselves a nice little time with it…” her voice goes high-pitched and squeaky as she grabs the phallus out of Laszlo’s hands and strokes it along his jaw, bringing it up to his lips and squealing as he opens his mouth to run his tongue lewdly over the shiny, smooth wood.

“O-okay, I’m just going to give you guys some privacy…” you stand and start to make your way over to the stairs.

Nadja drops the dildo and calls after you, “Wait, mortal! You had something you wanted to ask?”

You stop in your tracks, turning back to the couple and taking a breath to steady yourself. You have to talk to someone about this.

“Yeah, it’s...well, Nandor and I haven’t had sex yet--”

“We can tell that very well, my yummy friend,” Laszlo cuts in and Nadja slaps his arm.

“Go on, little horny infant,” Nadja says encouragingly.

“--but we’ve done other stuff,” you continue, “and I...I have feelings for him. But the thing is, I’m not as comfortable as you all seem to be about...sharing…”

“Ahh!” Laszlo murmurs with an arch look. “And you don’t want a load of randy vampires diddling your man.”

“Right,” you confirm, heat spreading over your face under their scrutiny. “But he seems so excited and I...I still don’t really know if he feels the same way that I do…”

“Hmm, yes this is very tricky,” Nadja muses. “Of course...there are some vampire couples who attend and only pay attention to each other…”

“Bloody boring, if you ask me…”

“Shut up, Laszlo!” Nadja hisses. “Can’t you see our human needs us?”

“Alright, alright!” he says irritably. He turns in a small circle, rubbing his chin abstractly before snapping his fingers and pointing to you in excitement, “I’ve got it! It sounds to me like what you really need is a little help in seducing our warrior friend. Once you’ve done the dirty deed you can enslave him to your feminine wiles just like my darling Nadja did to me.”

“Good idea, Laszlo! Then you can attend the orgy together and if anyone tries to tempt him away you will do the whip on them!” Nadja declares with delight.

You’re not sure if she’s misusing roller derby lingo or actually suggesting that you use a whip on your rivals. Probably both…

“But he won’t have sex with me because he’s obsessed with my stupid blood…” you whine, plopping down on one of the boxes with an exasperated sigh.

“Trust me, human. With our help, Nandor won’t know how to resist!” Laszlo assures you with a self-satisfied grin. “Nadja, darling, get the projector!”

“Oh, no, Laszlo...she’s just a poor human girl. Don’t subject her to your boring pornos…”

---

By the time you come down from the attic you’re pretty sure the image of Laszlo’s orgasm face is permanently burned into your brain. And you’re not exactly sure how “Vampire Tricked in Steamroom” is supposed to help you with your conundrum, but Laszlo’s proud enthusiasm is adorable. Nadja’s words as you walk down the stairs are a little more helpful.

“Nandor is just thinking too much with his fangs and not enough with his penis. Use your natural talents--” she glances meaningfully at your chest, “--to make him realize his mistake.”

You’re not sure you have it in you to play the seductress like Nadja does. Still, your footsteps automatically take you in the direction of Nandor’s room. When you walk into the crypt you find him bent over a long roll of paper on the floor with a paintbrush in his hand and glitter stuck all over his head. He holds his work up to show you with a proud grin.

It’s a banner with large, bright, sparkly letters spelling out, “Welcome Orgy Guests!”

“What do you think?” he asks shyly. “Too much glitter?”

You blink and bite back a laugh at the sight of your fearsome boyfriend with his hair and beard covered in glitter. He’s smiling at you, revealing the wicked gleam of his fangs and you’re suddenly overcome with the desire to kiss him until you’re covered in glitter too. You stride forward, gingerly taking the banner from his hands and setting it back down on the floor.

“Just the right amount of glitter,” you assure him and then you hop up, wrapping your arms around his neck and trusting that he’ll catch you with his strong arms. His beard is scratchy against your face as you claim his mouth with yours, kissing and nipping his lips with a needy growl. Okay, wow--maybe Laszlo’s cheesy movie instruction has some merit?

“I knew it,” Nandor smirks. “You like the glitter, don’t you? Like Twilight!”

“Shut up, Nandor,” you laugh, stroking your fingers through his thick hair and angling his head so you can kiss along the edge of his jaw. You playfully drag your teeth against his neck and his whole body shudders in response.

Curious, you do it again and this time he moans low in his throat and gasps out your name. Your lips curl into a mischievous smile and you bite down sharply, not hard enough to break the skin but enough to bruise if he didn’t have supernatural healing.

“Gah! Human…” Nandor pants, walking you over to the luxuriously upholstered couch set against the wall and dropping down with you in his lap. His voice breaks as he begs, “Harder.”

You draw back, locking your eyes with his for a moment, your breath coming quick as you feel the stir of his hardening length beneath you. His eyes are nearly black with desire and he digs his fingers into your hips in encouragement and repeats himself, “Harder, my mortal.”

You bend forward, brushing your lips gently along the crook of his neck like always does before he feeds from you. You bring your hands to his collar and loosen the ruff of his shirt, pulling it aside and cradling his head as you sink down to bite. You’re tentative at first, somehow afraid of hurting him, but he growls in impatience and swats your butt with his open hand to spur you along. You increase the pressure, feeling his skin give beneath the blunt edges of your teeth and the cool, coppery taste of his thick blood spreading over your lips and tongue. You swallow it, lapping at his neck eagerly as he squirms beneath you and mewls in pleasured surrender.

When you finally pull away, your mouth and chin are painted an obscene red and Nandor goes wild at the sight. He grabs the back of your neck and pulls you into a rough kiss, arching his hips upward so he can grind against you.

“Now, I get to taste you,” He whispers against your lips, shifting out from beneath you and kneeling on the floor between your legs.

“It’s not--” you’re out of breath and your head is spinning. “It’s too soon, baby”

He purrs at your use of the pet name and slides his hands up the outsides of your thighs, catching the waistband of your leggings and dragging them down your legs along with your underwear.

“There’s more than one way to taste you, my human,” he explains, pressing his palms to the insides of your knees and pushing your legs further apart. He drags his beard along the sensitive skin of your inner thigh, scenting you with a pleased sigh. He scoops you up in his hands, pulling you closer to the edge of the couch and finally lowering his face between your legs. His breath is cool against your heated flesh and then he’s dragging his tongue along your slit in one long stroke that ends on your needy, throbbing clitoris.

“Oh my go--”

Nandor rears back, hissing, and you rush an apology, “Sorry, sorry, sorry! I forgot.”

“Be careful with that shit!” he grouses but then he’s dipping his head back down and attacking you with his mouth.

He’s gentle and thorough and--you think--very good at this. A few times you feel the sharp edge of a fang just brush against your most sensitive skin and you start to flinch away but he shushes you and strokes his fingers along your thighs to settle your nerves. His lips and tongue move against your clitoris in perfect, rolling motions that have you melting under his attention. You let your hands fall down to rest in his glitter-specked hair and stroke your fingers along his temples as he laves and sucks. When the mounting tension in your core grows to be too much you roll your hips up, grinding yourself into his face and twisting your fingers in his hair as you cry out.

Nandor climbs back onto the couch and settles beside you, watching with a pleased smile as you tremble and gasp through the aftershocks. He’s lazily palming himself through his trousers when you finally turn to him and press the full length of your body into his, capturing his lips for a kiss that tastes of mingled blood and arousal--both your essences combined.

“I’m ready…” you whisper, sliding your hands beneath his loosened collar and along his shoulders. “If you can possibly stand my blood tasting all ordinary and non-virgin flavored…”

You emphasize the last statement by edging your leg between his and grinding your thigh against his fervent erection. Nandor groans loudly and it sounds like a surrender.

“Yes…” he pants. “My human...yes. I’ll make you mine. But...but--” he growls in frustration “--wait a moment!”

He hops up, leaving you half naked and bemused on the couch as he darts around the room, locking the door, positioning a fur rug on the floor next to an ornate candelabra, and finally opening a drawer and removing a folded piece of paper.

He comes back to you, kneeling at your feet and handing you the sheet of paper. He watches with a gleam in his eyes as you open it.

Inside he’s written in glitter pen:

“Happy Deflowering!

Love,

Nandor the Relentless”

And there’s a drawing of you laying on a fur rug with an artfully modest sheet draped over your nude body and Nandor floating in the air above you, his cape flying out behind him and his fangs bared. Well...now you know he hasn’t been planning to keep you a virgin for all eternity...

You bark out a laugh and press the drawing to your heart as you look up at him and gush, “I love it, Nandor!”

His lips part in a light smile and he presses forward, taking your face in his hands and catching you with his intense eyes.

“I wanted it to be--” he frowns uncomfortably as he forms the word “--nice...for you, human. Perhaps we had a rocking start…”

“You mean with you kidnapping me, drinking my blood and treating me like a human snack pack?” you deadpan, but you dart in to peck his lips to show you’re only teasing.

“Yes, that,” he continues and his fingers are tracing light patterns through the hair at your temples. “But I...I do care about you, my mortal. For more than just your delicious blood…”

Finally hearing him say the words out loud starts your eyes misting and you set the drawing down on the couch beside you, reaching forward to take him in your arms and kiss his beautiful, stupid, warrior lips.

Nandor is remarkably quick at removing his layers of clothing. By the time you’ve shed your stolen jersey and squirmed your way out of the sports bra, he’s completely naked. Vampire speed. He kneels on the fur rug before you, his pale skin reflecting the golden light of the candles, glowing with second-hand warmth. You forget to be bashful about your own nudity as you drink him in. Dark hair covers his chest and trails down his stomach into the dark nest around his proudly straining erection.

His own dark eyes drop to linger on the lines of your body as he reaches out and draws you closer, laying you down on the plush rug and perching beside you. You draw your hands up under your chin automatically, but he takes them and draws your arms down to your sides, baring your body for his hungry gaze.

“You are more breathtaking than the Euphrates running red with the blood of my enemies,” he murmurs, brushing his fingertips over the peaks of your breasts and smiling as your nipples pebble under his touch.

You smile and shake your head, gazing up at this gorgeous man and feeling, for once, entirely worthy and beautiful in someone else’s eyes. You joined roller derby hoping to gain some body-positivity, some confidence--which you have. But still, you’ve never before felt so attractive and powerful. Nandor bends down to kiss you, running one hand along the line of your neck and letting the other roam over your belly and down between your thighs. He strokes through your still wet slit, spreading your slick and rolling your clit between his fingers until you’re mewling into his lips.

“You know…” Nandor murmurs, pushing your legs apart and shifting to seat himself between them, “there’s more than one reason they call me relentless, little human.”

The sound that falls from your lips is half-gasp and half-moan. He slides the head of his cock through your folds, coating himself in your arousal before finally--finally--pressing forward at your entrance. Even after a month of pining and yearning for this you still tense up at the final moment and Nandor kneads his hands into your hips with a soft coo, “Relax yourself, my mortal…”

He leans down to press a rough-stubbled kiss along the edge of your jaw as he finally slips inside of you and you feel, for the first time, the impossible and wonderful sensation of being filled by your lover as he gradually pushes deeper. For several seconds the pressure of him inside of you is all you can think about and it’s overwhelming. You bury your face into the crook of his neck, digging your teeth into the already healed skin.

“Does it hurt?” he asks, and there’s a distinctly vampiric edge of lustful curiosity that accompanies his concern. He’s rolling his hips against you in a slow, steady rhythm.

“Mmhmm,” you murmur without removing your teeth from his neck.

He slips a hand between your bodies and finds the hardened bud of your nipple with his fingers, rolling and stroking it as he continues rocking into you with deeper and deeper thrusts.

“Not for much longer,” he promises with a teasing pinch to your nipple.

His pace increases as the pain gradually ebbs into a delicious, burning ache that builds and builds. You throw back your head, keening each time he buries himself inside you. Nandor’s mouth falls open and he dips his head to run his lips over the throbbing pulse of your throat, feeling the rush of your hot blood beneath the surface and losing the steady control of his movements as he frantically ruts into you.

“Mine, mine, mine,” he cries, wrenching his mouth away from your neck and instead slamming his lips to yours with an anguished moan as he goes rigid, pushing deeper inside of you as his release tears through him. He jerks his hips several more times, reaching between you to put his fingers on you and coax you towards your own peak as he softens inside of you.

He finally slips out of you, collapsing onto the rug at your side with a heavy groan. He hugs you to his chest, tucking your head beneath his chin and humming in pleasure. His skin is almost warm with your borrowed body heat, but where you are covered in a fine sheen of human sweat, he is as smooth and unaffected as ever.

Your muscles shake with involuntary tremors and he strokes his hands down your back comfortingly.

“Shut your eyes,” his voice is a low rumble that you can feel where your head rests against his chest. “Rest, my love.”

The word sends a warm rush around your heart and you smile, burying your face into his lovely chest hair.

All your insecurities about the upcoming orgy are forgotten as your limbs grow heavy with exhaustion. You’re just starting to drift to sleep under the steady feel of his hands smoothing over your back when a sudden thought pops into your head.

“Nandor!” you poke your head up to meet his eyes. “Am I going to turn into a vampire?!”

He furrows his brow as he asks, “Why would you think that, human?”

“Well...I drank your blood…” you explain, relaxing back into his chest now that it seems you’re not on the brink of transitioning into an unholy creature of the night without warning.

Nandor laughs, “I would have to drink your blood first...almost all of it. And then feed you my blood. No, my human, you won’t become a vampire...not yet.”

You nod your head absently, letting your eyes drift shut without fully absorbing his last words.

---

A/N: ?????????

Tags:

@festering-queen @kandomeresbitch @strangestdiary @glitterportrait @scuzmunkie @redwoodshadows

#nandor the relentless x reader #nandor x reader #nandor #nandor the relentless #nandor imagine #nandor the relentless imagine #what we do in the shadows fanfic #what we do in the shadows #wwdits fanfic #wwdits #smut

298 notes · View notes

chelsfic · 4 years

Text

Leftovers - Part 4 - Nandor the Relentless x Reader Fanfic

Previous Parts: Masterlist

Summary: Vampire (bite) aftercare, Nandor tries to pretend like he doesn’t want to fuck you, you bond with Guillermo!!, and the gang gets an invitation!

A/N: GUYS! You’re so nice to me with all these comments and asks!! You keep me going! I hope you like this chapter. I didn’t mean for it to be the Guillermo slumber party chapter, but here we are.

Warnings: Reader described as short and plays roller derby, vampire/human relationships, blood drinking, smut (in other chapters), power differential

---

Nandor lays you down on the towels and picks up the tube of antibiotic cream on your nightstand. He wrinkles his nose as he unscrews the cap.

“This ointment is putrid,” he grumbles, but he squirts some out onto his fingers anyways and gently applies it to the wounds on your neck.

Whatever remaining energy you had following the feeding seems to have bled away with your makeout session because you can barely keep your eyes open now. The antibiotic stings a bit but you’re grateful for the attention and feeling a little light-headed and delirious--which surely accounts for the way you nuzzle your face against Nandor’s forearm as he tends to the wound.

“There, all better,” he proclaims as he places a large band-aid on your neck. He sits there for a moment, fidgeting awkwardly with his cape before abruptly standing. “I will tell Guillermo to bring you some of your electrolyte drink.”

---

“It seems the human wants to do the sex with me,” Nandor leans into the camera conspiratorially. “I mean, I can’t say I’m surprised. Humans have always been attracted to my dark power but…”

He grimaces in distaste and shakes his head, “I’ve never seen the appeal. Vampire/Human relationships? I mean...why? They die--either you eat them or they get old and gross…”

Nandor pauses at a muffled question from behind the camera.

He shrugs and knits his brows together, “Why would it be different with this human?”

“[Unintelligible]...out of your way not to kill her…”

“Yes, because of her virgin blood!” Nandor exclaims, enunciating his words condescendingly. “Why would I do the sex with her? Then she wouldn’t taste good anymore. Sex with humans is more trouble than it’s worth. They’re weak...fragile...they have to breathe. Where is the fun?”

Nandor reaches the bottom of the stairs and pauses to call out, “Guillermo!”

“Yes, master?” Guillermo pops out of his closet-bedroom and goes to the vampire’s side at once.

“I’ve just fed from the mortal. Bring her the Gatorade beverage and a snack. She’s very weak,” Nandor commands.

“Right away, master,” Guillermo does a little half bow and turns to leave.

Nandor puts out a hand to stop him, “She likes the blue flavor. Make sure you get the right one.”

Guillermo shoots a shocked look directly into the camera. When was the last time Nandor ever recalled a little detail like that about him?

Guillermo scurries away and Nandor rearranges his cape, making ready to leave for the evening. He catches the camera guy staring at him with a knowing smirk.

“What?!”

---

“Thanks, Guillermo,” you murmur after a sip of Gatorade. You have no idea what the proper treatment for blood loss is, but a snack is always nice. Maybe you should start taking iron supplements?

Guillermo goes to leave but you stop him.

“Will you...stay with me for a little while?” you ask feeling unaccountably timid. “I feel gross and I don’t want to be by myself…”

Guillermo looks like he’s torn but he finally sighs and walks back over to you, perching awkwardly beside you on the bed.

“Sure, I’ll stay for a bit,” he says and you give him a toothy grin.

You turn on your side to face him, snuggling up under the covers and giving yourself some major slumber party vibes. You’re finally going to bond with Guillermo! He’s sitting rigidly up against the headboard and you have to swallow a laugh.

“Thanks, Guillermo,” you try to imbue your sincere gratitude into the words. “And...I’m sorry if you feel like I’m coming between you and Nandor. I don’t mean to…”

Guillermo lets out a long sigh, “It’s not your fault. He’s always been distant with me and I’m just...surprised to see him being so nice to another human.”

“Nice?” you laugh. “I’m still not convinced he isn’t planning on draining me dry one of these nights…”

Guillermo scoffs and shakes his head, “I don’t think so, Smash. I mean...he seems to care about you?”

The thought gives you a secret thrill that you try to ignore. Having feelings for a vampire--that’s pretty much the closest thing to a death wish you can imagine. But you find yourself raising your fingers to your lips and recalling the press of his mouth on yours. You look up to see the sad look on Guillermo’s face and it squeezes your heart.

“Hey… I’m sure Nandor cares about you, too,” you offer. You’re trying to come up with something to say to cheer him up when your brain backtracks and processes his words, “Hey! Did you just call me my derby name!?”

Guillermo blushes adorably and stammers, “Oh--uh, yeah? Is that okay? Or is it only for other skaters to use?”

You can’t help it, he’s such a teddy bear, you reach out and squeeze his arm in a hug.

“No, it’s great! Oh my god, Guillermo, we’re really gonna be friends, aren’t we!?” you gush.

“I guess so…hey, can I ask you something?” Guillermo scoots down the bed so that he’s laying on the pillow next to yours and facing you. Slumber party vibes!

“Shoot,” you reply.

“What’s it like?” he pauses and darts his eyes away from yours before looking back at you. “When he bites you?”

Your lips twist into a crooked smile and your turn your face into the pillow to hide with an embarrassed squeak. The bite and the making out are all jumbled together in your stupid human brain. Was it painful? Sexy? Hot? Horrifying? All of that, yes.

“It’s…” you struggle for words. “Intimate. You’re very close and he wraps his arms around you. He’s so strong, you couldn’t struggle away from him if you tried. But you don’t...try. Because his eyes are so dark and intense and...gorgeous and they’re focused just on you. And then he puts his mouth on your neck and for a second it’s like a kiss but then he bites and it hurts. But his lips are still on you and his hands. He puts his hand on your head to support you and you feel kind of...taken care of? While he’s--uh--you know, drinking your blood. You worry that he’ll go too far and forget to stop but then you’re floating and happy and you don’t care anymore if he stops or not. But he does. And his lips are red with your blood but they still look so soft and--and...uh. And, uh, that’s pretty much it.”

Guillermo’s staring at you with his eyes narrowed in suspicion, “Have you--did you two--? Smash!”

You’re burning with embarrassment and you stumble over your words, “What? No! We haven’t...well--not much. But--would it be bad if we did?”

In this moment Guillermo looks like nothing so much as a concerned older brother and you want to melt a little.

“It’s...I don’t know?” he shrugs but his eyes are a little frantic. “Vampires are very, very...sexual beings. And you’re a virgin--which they love for, uh, other reasons but...I’m just a little worried you might be in over your head.”

You sigh and try to suppress your natural instinct to be defensive. You are in over your head. You’re living in a vampire house as a live-in blood donor.

“So, you and Nandor have never…?” it’s a question you’ve been asking yourself since you first met Guillermo.

He smiles slightly and shakes his head, “No. We’re not--that’s not what our relationship is about. I care about Nandor, of course. And there was a time that I felt more but...I’ve let it go.”

You frown at his answer, “Are you sure? Because I don’t want to cause any drama…”

“Really, Smash. Nandor’s my... friend--even if he has a funny way of showing it most of the time. That’s all.”

Your eyes are feeling heavy and you yawn into your elbow before you answer, “Alright...if you’re sure.”

“But are you sure?” he quips, arching one brow.

You let out a long sigh and shrug your shoulders.

“Hey...you want me to tell you what’s it like kissing Nandor?”

He giggles and rolls his eyes, “You shouldn’t kiss and tell.”

“What’s the fun in that?!”

---

“Nandor! Hey--come here you big donkey!” Nadja hisses from the upstairs hallway.

She draws him over to your bedroom doorway and pokes her head inside, “Look at these adorable, baby humans, Nandor!”

You and Guillermo are asleep, curled up like shrimp side-by-side on your bed. Guillermo’s glasses are askew on his face and there’s a pool of drool on your pillow beneath your open mouth.

“Aren’t they precious?” Nadja croons. “I just want to chomp their little limbs right off.”

Nandor’s eyes flick from you to Guillermo and he stays in the doorway long after Nadja drifts back downstairs.

“Sweet dreams, my humans,” he whispers.

---

“Attention, everyone! I have some very exciting news to share this evening,” Nandor stands by the fireplace with Guillermo flanking him on his right brandishing a postcard-sized piece of mail in his hands.

You’re sitting sandwiched between Nadja and Laszlo on the long couch and Colin Robinson is sitting in an armchair with a newspaper folded on his lap. Nadja takes your hand in both of hers and holds it on her lap and you let your head fall on her shoulder. You’ve enjoyed falling into friendship with her even if you’re pretty sure she sometimes thinks of you as some kind of human baby doll to play with.

“Nadja!” Nandor exclaims with a stamp of his heavy-booted foot. “How many times do I tell you to leave my human alone?”

“Nandor!” you shout in annoyance. “Nadja’s like my vampire mommy. Leave her alone!”

Guillermo’s eyes are wide with anxiety and he flicks his gaze from his Master to Nadja.

“Yes, Nandor. I’m her dear mama,” Nadja taunts and makes a show of baring her fangs and clawing her fingers over your head as if she’s about to bite you. “Chill out, donkey brain.”

Nandor presses his lips together in annoyance. Rather than reply to Nadja he turns on you, “You’re being very disrespectful to me, human. And I’m noting it. It’s being noted!”

Maybe it’s Nadja’s presence that boosts your confidence or maybe it’s the memory of Guillermo telling you you’d be out of your depth with a vampire lover. But you want to prove that you can play on their level. You smile up at Nandor and bat your eyes.

“I guess you’ll have to punish me then…” you say with false innocence. You catch Guillermo’s expression in the corner of your eyes and he looks like he’s having a coronary.

“Oh, you saucy minx!” Nadja praises.

“Shall I get the cat’o’nine tails from the attic?” Laszlo pipes in.

Nandor looks totally unamused. He narrows his eyes at you with a storm cloud gathering on his brow.

“Enough foolishness! I have an announcement. Guillermo, the letter,” Nandor turns to his Familiar and takes the paper from his hands. “We have been invited…to a vampire rave!”

“Oh, goody!” Nadja claps her hands together.

“Drug blood!” Laszlo cries in exultation.

Even Colin Robinson perks up.

“What’s a vampire rave?” you ask smiling in curiosity. You’re getting excited just from the others’ enthusiasm.

Laszlo answers, “It’s like a human rave only with vampires. We feed off the humans and get high ourselves. It’s great fun.”

“Uh, okay, but we all remember what happened the last time you guys drank drug blood,” Guillermo’s warns.

“Oh, shut up, Guillermo!,” Nandor flicks his wrist at him. “It would have been fine if you were a little more careful.”

Guillermo looks like he’s about to make a retort but Nandor talks over him, “It’s tomorrow night at an abandoned Circuit City across town! We’re all going to have a great time! Except...for you.”

Nandor looks down his nose at you and you whine, “Me!? Why can’t I go?”

Nadja joins your cause, “Nandor, why can’t we take the little human with us? She will be fine. If any vampire tries to attack her she will do the hip-check on them.”

“You’ve disrespected me in front of the other roommates!” Nandor admonishes. “This is the consequence. You can’t come. You’re not invited.”

You stand, walking up to Nandor and poking your finger in his chest as you proclaim, “You’re being very mean to me. And I’m noting it!”

You storm out before he can respond. You hear Laszlo’s voice as you jog up the stairs.

“Are you going to let her get away with that kind of behavior!?”

Nandor holds out his hands helplessly, “She’s gone! She’s gotten away with it!”

---

“Human!” Nadja hisses a whisper as she creeps into your bedroom later that night. “Human! Wake up!”

You roll over in bed to find her looming above you. You can see her wickedly sharp fangs to full affect and you gulp down the instinct to shriek.

“Nadja?” your voice comes out full of gravel.

“Don’t worry my little roller warrior. I’m taking you to the vampire rave tomorrow! We can’t let that stupid piece of snake ruin our fun!”

---

A/N: Is my Nadja crush showing???

Tags-- let me know if you’d like to be added to the tags!

@festering-queen @glitterportrait @kandomeresbitch @scuzmunkie @redwoodshadows

#nandor the relentless #nandor #nandor x reader #nandor the relentless x reader #nandor the relentless imagine #nandor imagine #nandor the relentless fanfic #wwdits fanfic #wwdits #human x vampire #kayvan novak

220 notes · View notes

chelsfic · 4 years

Text

Leftovers - Part 3 - Nandor the Relentless x Reader Fanfic

Read Parts One and Two: Masterlist

Summary: The gang goes to a roller derby bout. Things evolve between you and Nandor. Guillermo is still jealous and Nadja adores you.

A/N: I hope the tone of this part holds up with the first two parts. There are some more serious parts here. Thank you SO FRICKIN MUCH to everyone who has commented and sent me asks. You guys are lovely and I appreciate you.

Warnings: Some mild smut at the end, Same as previous chapters--blood drinking, vampire/human relationship, power differential, reader is described as being short and a roller derby player

---

Guillermo sits with his hands folded in his lap and a fragile smile on his face.

“How am I...adjusting? I’m--it’s--fine. I’m fine.”

The camera crew sits with him for a long moment of pointed silence. Guillermo shrugs, shakes his head, denying unspoken comments until he finally breaks.

“He gave her the upstairs bedroom. But I’m...everything’s fine. I just have to keep paying my dues.”

He goes back to dusting the fancy room, muttering under his breath, “Just keep paying my dues…”

---

“Knock, knock!” Nandor sing-songs, rapping his knuckles on the door frame of your new bedroom.

You look up from a stack of partially unpacked boxes. Guillermo helped you arrange everything. Breaking your lease without a penalty and getting all your stuff packed and moved over to the house. He did it all with nothing beyond terse civility despite your attempts at friendly conversation. You would really like to be friends with the only other human in the house but it doesn’t seem likely.

“Hey, Nandor,” you greet him with a hesitant smile. You’re still unsure of how you should behave. He doesn’t seem to expect you to be subservient like Guillermo. But something tells you not to push him either. He still hasn’t promised not to kill you in the end despite spending the last couple nights snuggling you like a human teddy bear inside his coffin.

He enters and perches on the edge of your new mattress, “Do you have everything you need? The bed seems...cozy.”

It’s really obvious to you that Nandor isn’t used to making small talk. At least not about human things. You wonder why he’s making the effort.

“Yeah, thanks. The room’s great. Are you sure I shouldn’t take Guillermo’s room and let him have this one? He’s been around a lot longer…”

“What, the closet under the stairs? Absolutely not, it smells in there. Can’t have my food smelling bad, yuck!” he grimaces in distaste.

You’ll have to find some other way of extending an olive branch to Guillermo…

“Hey, maybe you could...not call me food?” you suggest hopefully.

Nandor sighs and mutters under his breath, “So sensitive…”

With a roll of your eyes you turn back to your boxes. Nandor watches you plop down on the floor and resume digging out your things. After a moment, he comes over, kneeling behind you and practically engulfing you in his giant cape. His arms wrap around your middle. You can feel his long fingers through your shirt as they spread out over your stomach. He presses his face into the back of your neck and inhales your scent. The embrace should be unnerving and terrifying but you find altogether different sensations stirring in your lower belly.

“Why, my mortal?,” his whisper raises goosebumps along the nape of your neck. “Does it upset you to be reminded of how intoxicatingly delicious you are to me? Shall I pretend that your blood pulsing beneath the thin surface of your skin does not call to me?”

His lips are tracing over your skin now and you can just feel the sharp brush of his fangs. Your eyes drift closed and you lean back into his chest, entirely overwhelmed by his magnetism.

“Um...Nandor…” you whisper.

“Yes, my little human? What do you want?”

“You…” the word falls unbidden from your lips and you immediately wish you could swallow it back down.

His chest rumbles with a laugh that vibrates through you.

“You want me, mortal?”

You force yourself to clear your thoughts, scooting forward and breaking the embrace as you reply, “You...you have to wait until next week to feed from me again. Remember?”

He reaches out and ghosts his fingertips along the twin puncture wounds on your throat.

“It will be worth the wait.”

---

You jog down the curved stairway dressed for tonight’s bout with your gear bag slung over your shoulder. Nadja, Laszlo and Nandor are assembled in the front hallway getting ready to go out hunting and assigning last-minute chores for Guillermo.

“My mauve, brocade gown needs washing, Gizmo. I had a real squirter last night…”

“And don’t neglect the dusting in our crypt, old chap…”

“Guillermo, remember to pick up the candlesticks when you go out--oh! Hello, my human,” Nandor pauses when he sees you at the base of the stairs and you feel heat creep up your neck under his stare. Your mind flashes back to an hour ago when he’d held you in his arms and you’d felt the touch of his lips on your skin, so close to a kiss.

“Do you need anything from the store? Guillermo is going out,” he asks.

Guillermo smiles at you but it’s more of a display of teeth and you rush to shake your head, “Oh, no thank you. I’m heading out myself. My team has a bout tonight--”

Nadja squeals in delight and claps her hands, “You are doing a battle tonight, darling human? Oh, Laszlo let’s go watch the puny human fight. It will be such fun!”

You shake your head in amusement but Nadja’s enthusiasm is infectious even if you worry she’ll be disappointed once she sees what roller derby actually is…

Laszlo’s eyes trail down your body, taking in your black and purple sleeveless jersey and the black capri leggings hugging your hips and thighs.

“Do all the challengers dress in such a fashion?” he questions with a lecherous smirk. Nandor hisses and flicks him in the temple. “Ouch!”

You have to laugh.

“Actually, some of them wear booty shorts…”

---

“Look!” Nandor turns to the camera gleefully holding up a t-shirt with the name “Smashley Glowers” stamped in block letters on the back. “We can purchase a shirt with my human’s alias written upon it!”

He turns back to the attendant behind the merch table, “How much for this garment, peasant?”

“Uh--he’s just joking, heh,” Guillermo steps in waving his credit card. “I’ve got it, master.”

“Thank you, Guillermo,” Nandor says, pulling the t-shirt over his embroidered tunic with a wide smile.

The vampires and Familiar make their way to the bleachers beside the track. Your league plays in an ice hockey rink during the summer months. The track is carefully taped off on the floor and players glide around doing warm up drills: knee-taps, sprints, spins, plow stops and backwards toe stops. Then they turn around and do it all over again in the opposite direction. The crowd buzzes with energy and all four vampires feel it roll over them in a seductive wave.

Nandor turns to Nadja and Laszlo and whispers, “We probably shouldn’t kill any of these humans. I don’t think the mortal would like it…”

Laszlo looks put out but Nadja just nods absently as her eyes track the skaters.

“Yes, fine,” she says. “We can pick something up on the way home…”

Colin Robinson stands with a smug smile, “Lucky for me I have no such limit on my feeding habits. I’m gonna go mansplain the rules to that referee. Catch you later.”

“Look at our human, Nandor! She is very adept at the roller shoes,” Nadja gushes.

Nandor side-eyes her with a muttered correction, “My human… Yes, she is a fierce combatant.”

Soon enough an announcer’s voice comes over the sound system introducing each team. As your name is called Nandor and Nadja stand to cheer and even Colin Robinson lets out a tepid “whoop” from across the room where he’s started feeding off the merch attendant.

The bout gets rolling and you take your place with the other blockers, forming a line of defense that will hopefully be impenetrable. Or at least give your jammer enough time to make it through the pack and start scoring points.

The other team’s jammer approaches, juking to the outside of the track but you anticipate the play and hop to the left, meeting her on the inside and throwing your hip to check her out of bounds. Distantly you can hear a familiar accented female voice rise over the crowd.

“DID YOU SEE THAT!? GOOD JOB, HUMAN!”

The game flies by in a rush of adrenaline and joy and before you know it you’re slapping hands with the other team and skating over to join your spectators.

Nadja runs up to meet you, pinching your cheeks in her enthusiasm, “Smashley--a gruesome name for a brutal warrior woman. You were very impressive!”

“Thanks, Nadja,” you smile, feeling your chest lift with pride. “We lost, but I’m glad you liked it.”

Laszlo joins you with his characteristic smarm, “An excellent diversion, mortal. Tell me, are any of these women available for...private lessons?”

You narrow your eyes and look to Nadja to gauge if he’s joking or not. Nadja only shakes her head in exasperation.

“Remember what Nandor said, my love,” she croons. “No eating the mortal’s friends.”

Well, that’s...thoughtful, you guess.

Nandor glides in to join you with Guillermo on his heels. When you see the shirt he’s wearing your face lights up with a broad smile.

“You got my shirt?!”

Nandor preens, looking pleased with himself.

“Of course, mortal. I had to show my support for my champion in the ritual combat. Plus it looks really cool.”

You laugh and shift your weight on your skates, looking at him smiling down at you as butterflies wiggle in your stomach. What even is this? You have a crush on your vampire captor?

Nandor’s eyes take in the sheen of sweat across your forehead and your lips parted with the exertion of your work out. The warmth of your stirred blood pours off of you and he bares his fangs hungrily.

---

“It’s going to be a long week,” Nandor says into the camera later that night. “I drained three humans tonight and I’m still thinking about how sweet her blood would be after the passion of roller derrr-by battle.”

---

But the week does pass and as dawn approaches one morning, Nandor drifts into your room and stands in the doorway silently regarding you for a long, unnerving moment.

“Prepare yourself, human,” he commands, his voice low with authority. “For tonight I will feed from you after I awake from my slumber.”

As you watch him glide back to his crypt, a lump of anxiety forms in your stomach that doesn’t go away all day.

---

“The master wishes to see you,” Guillermo says from the doorway of the library where you’ve been quietly falling apart for the last hour awaiting Nandor’s summons.

You take a breath and square your shoulders before standing.

“Thanks, Guillermo,” you murmur as you pass him, laying your hand on his shoulder with a squeeze. Guillermo doesn’t reply but his face isn’t unkind.

Nandor is waiting for you in his crypt, casually draped over an Edwardian style couch beneath a brilliantly illuminated painting of himself as a human Ottoman warlord.

“It’s time, mortal,” he announces, beckoning for you to join him on the couch.

Though you’ve known this was coming and it’s part of the bizarre deal you struck with him, you still feel awash with trepidation.

“In here?” you ask with a doubtful look at the fine surroundings.

He shrugs, “You have somewhere else in mind?”

“I sort of...set things up in my bedroom…”

You lead him to your room, casting an apologetic glance to the camera crew as you shut the door behind you. Nandor smiles when he observes your preparations. The bed is covered in bath towels and there’s a tidy pile of bandages, surgical pads, Neosporin and tape on your nightstand. You hover awkwardly by the door as he looks over your supplies.

“You’ve thought of everything,” Nandor grins and takes a seat on your bed, patting the spot beside him. When you don’t immediately move to join him he frowns, “You’re afraid.”

“Yes,” you admit, your voice breaking on the word.

“The fearsome Smashley Glowers is afraid of little old Nandor the Relentless?” he teases and your lips curve in a small smile.

With a deep breath for courage you cross the room and sit next to him on the bed.

“I’m not afraid of you, Nandor…” you explain.

“Oh…” he frowns, clearly disappointed and you roll your eyes at him.

“Just...that you might forget--” you stop and breathe through a tremor of fear, “--forget to stop.”

He shakes his head at your words even as you watch his eyes glaze over in blood lust. He draws his fingers through your hair, baring your neck to his voracious gaze.

“Just a taste,” he hisses, baring his fangs and wrapping an arm around your back to draw you in closer.

“A sip!” you insist, but he’s already leaning down to your throat.

Nandor’s hands hold you in place, one pressing on the small of your back, the other cradling your head. His gorgeous hair brushes against your jaw as he bends to meet your throat. You shut your eyes, breathing shallowly in anticipation of the pain and dizziness. It’s somehow worse now that you know exactly what to expect. His lips are just as soft and gentle, the sting of his fangs is just as acute, but now it’s not just an anonymous, terrifying creature of the night holding you and drinking you. It’s Nandor. A man who has held you in his sleep and kissed your forehead. A man who has cheered you on at roller derby and made you feel like a person and not...food. His chest rumbles against you as he moans in satisfaction.

“So, so sweet, my mortal,” he mumbles against your bloodied throat, adjusting his arms so that your body is pressed more tightly against him.

He bites into you again and the pressure on your raw wound draws a mewl of pain from your lips. He relaxes his hold, withdrawing from your neck with a few long strokes of his tongue.

“Are you alright, my human?” he asks.

You blink back at him, idly taking in the stain of your blood on his lips and beard.

“I’m...good,” you whisper.

He’s still holding you in his arms and his eyes are so big and bright and stunningly fathomless. Your neck stings and you’re lightheaded and his lips are painted with your blood but all you want is to find out what it would be like to kiss Nandor the Relentless.

So you do.

You reach up and push your fingers through his impossibly soft hair, twining your fingers at the base of his neck and pulling him down to collide your mouth with his. Nandor is entirely unphased. He takes charge of the kiss at once, cupping your face in his large hands and lapping his tongue against your lips. You taste the salt-coppery tang of your own blood as he licks into your mouth, tangling his tongue with yours with a low growl of delight. You’ve been fixating on his hair for the last week and now that you’ve touched it you can’t stop carding your fingers through his locks, letting your nails graze against his scalp as you do so. Nandor’s hands are not so focused. They roam over you, brushing along the pulse of your neck, skimming your shoulders, your spine, cupping your backside and squeezing obscenely, earning a surprised squeak from you. Kissing Nandor the Relentless, you find, is very, very nice.

As the kiss goes on, you squirm up into Nandor’s lap with a mischievous grin against his lips. You can feel his hardened length against your thigh and you shift against him experimentally, delighting in the gasp that falls from his lips at the friction. No, you don’t have a lot of practical experience. As Laszlo so charmingly pointed out on your first night in the house, you’re a virgin. But you’re no dummy. And you think about what it would be to have your first time be with a vampire...

Nandor breaks the kiss with a wide smile. He pushes you gently off his lap with a wag of his finger.

“Now, now, little one,” he admonishes with a laugh. “We wouldn’t want to spoil your flavor.”

---

A/N: Damnit, Nandor.

Tags:

@festering-queen @glitterportrait

#nandor the relentless #nandor #nandor x reader #nandor the relentless x reader #nandor the relentless imagine #nandor imagine #wwdits fanfic #wwdits #kayvan novak #smut #chelsfic #vampire x human

230 notes · View notes

chelsfic · 4 years

Text

Leftovers - Part Two - Nandor the Relentless x Reader - WWDITS Fanfic

Part One: MASTERLIST

Summary: Nandor decides you keep you around...for feeding purposes. You bond a little with Nadja. Guillermo is kind of freaking you out.

Warnings: Female, short, roller derby playing reader, Vampiric blood drinking!, pet humans?, power dynamic, vampire/human relationship

A/N: Thank you sooo much to those who have commented on this fic! It really brightens my day!

---

“Awake, mortal!” Nandor stands by the open coffin waving a shopping bag in one hand. “I’ve brought you Lunch-bulls.”

---

“No, I do not usually keep humans around for feeding purposes but…” Nandor strolls down a grocery aisle with the camera crew trailing behind. He stops in front of a refrigerated display of Lunchables, “this one is quite tasty. And I’ve learned a thing or two about caring for mortals thanks to Guillermo. For example, I now understand that you have to feed them.”

---

You wake to find Nandor standing over you with a wide grin on his stupid, handsome face. It takes a long moment for your brain to catch up with your surroundings. And when you do you’re too exhausted and sick to worry about the fact that you’re in a vampire’s lair and you’ve just spent the night sleeping inside a coffin. You try to sit up and the room immediately starts spinning.

“Oh, fucking--,” Nandor curses as you collapse back into the coffin. He looks up and eyes the camera, “I may have been a little over-enthusiastic with the feedings. In my defense I was planning on killing her, so…”

He puts his arm behind your back and helps you sit up against the edge of the coffin. You watch as he rummages inside the reusable shopping tote. What, exactly, does he plan on doing to you? After coming to terms with the fact that you’ve been abducted by an actual vampire you kind of expected to be dead by now. Not that you’re complaining, but…

“Ah-ha! Here, mortal. This colorful sports beverage will replenish your...electrolytes,” Nandor says, reading off the label as he hands you a bottle of Gatorade.

You grab it, frantically twisting the cap with trembling hands, but you feel like every ounce of strength has been sapped from your body. You growl in frustration, tapping the bottle on the rim of the coffin and trying again.

Finally, you sigh and give it back to the vampire, “Can you open it for me?”

Nandor glances to the camera with an arched brow and easily pops the cap off before handing it back to you. You down the entire bottle and eat two Lunchables while Nandor watches with a nauseated expression.

“Better?” he asks when you’ve finished. He reaches out to tuck your hair behind your ear and you flinch away from the touch. His eyes are focused on the crook of your neck and the bite mark that still throbs with pain.

“Uh, yeah...thanks,” you murmur, cautiously sitting back a bit to put more space between you. “What are you--um--what’re you planning to do with me, Nandor?”

He looks thoughtful for a moment but before he can answer there’s a sudden bellowing from downstairs.

“House meeting! House meeting, I say! In the library!”

Nandor’s brows draw together in consternation and he hisses, “What the fuck! He can’t call a house meeting. I call the house meetings!”

---

“Now, I’ve called you all here tonight to gloat,” Laszlo explains, standing between the two couches and addressing the room. “As some of us are aware, Mr. Hygiene himself has taken to storing half-drunk virgins in his crypt. It’s totally unacceptable and furthermore, Nandor, hurtful that you wouldn’t invite us to partake.”

You’re seated beside Nandor, holding yourself perfectly still as you eye the unfamiliar vampires in the room. Guillermo stands silently by the door. The woman, Nadja, is staring at you with her mouth open in a leer, practically salivating.

“Yes, Nandor, let me try a bite of your scrumptious mortal,” she says, reaching out to you with her hands clawed in longing.

You scoot closer to Nandor, shrinking into his side and clinging to the fabric of his cape. The devil you know… He gives you a pat on the head and smiles reassuringly.

“Don’t worry, human. No one but me will be drinking your blood,” he raises his voice for the others, “Is that clear? This is my human. You’re to leave her alone. Including you, Colin Robinson.”

The Dilbert-looking guy speaks up, “Keeping humans as familiars is a time-honored tradition. But this situation seems to be without precedent. Sure, in the medieval period there was the practice of keeping human thralls but is that really--”

“SHUT UP!” the other vampires shout at him.

Guillermo steps forward with a half bow and his voice is thready as he asks, “Master? Are you unhappy with my service? I can do better, I can--”

“No, Guillermo. You’re a perfect--” Nandor curls his lip and tilts his head from side to side as he considers his wording, “--ly adequate familiar. I’m keeping this human for food. She has a distinct flavor and I don’t want to eat her all up right away…”

You draw away from Nandor with a horrified look on your face. The events of the last two days come crashing down on you all at once, wrenching a sob from your throat and mortifying tears from your eyes.

“Now, look what you’ve done, all of you!” Nandor scolds, putting his arm around your shoulders in an approximation of comfort. “You’ve made my human sad!”

“I’m not food!” you cry, squirming away with an accusing glare.

Laszlo points his manicured finger in Nandor’s face, “You see, I could have warned you about this, Nandor. They get very weepy when you keep them around too long.”

“There, there,” Nandor says, haltingly. He frowns in discomfort and looks around the room for support.

Nadja steps in, taking a seat on your other side and patting your knee.

“Don’t cry, little human. You may be food but you’re very good food. Nandor doesn’t want to kill you,” she looks up to find Nandor looking at her with his brows raised in a “well, maybe…” expression. Nadja rolls her eyes. “He just wants to keep you for a nice little snack every now and then. It’s not all bad, little one. You’ll get to live here with us. Vampires can be very useful benefactors. Just ask Gizmo…”

“The rent is $1,200 a month,” Guillermo pipes in sullenly.

“Pssk,” Nandor shushes his Familiar and turns back to you. “You won’t have to pay rent, my human. And you can still play your rollerskate battles…”

“Battles?” Nadja perks up. “Is she a warrior like my poor Gregor?”

“Hey!” Laszlo bursts out. “I’ve heard enough about that damn--”

“I play roller derby...it’s a sport,” you explain, perking up for the first time since you found yourself in this strange situation. “I’m in an all-girl intramural league. It’s just for fun…”

Nandor, sensing the change in your mood, jumps in, “Do not be so modest, mortal. I saw you brawling on your roller skates during your practice. You are a fearsome thing to behold! Why else would I choose you?”

Guillermo is quietly fuming in the corner as his master showers praise on the newcomer, but you don’t know what to think. Why are you even considering this? Maybe it’s because deep down you know there’s really no choice. Why not make the best of things?

“Well...fine. But you have to promise you’re not going to end up killing me!” you insist, catching Nandor’s eyes with an intense look of your own. “And you can’t keep feeding off me every day. I won’t have enough strength to live let alone play roller derby. Once a week, tops.”

Laszlo chuckles, “She’s got spirit! I’ll give her that.”

Nandor’s lips twitch and you’re not altogether sure you can trust him but he agrees, “Very well, my tasty mortal. Once per week. Killing is...off the table. For now. We’ll see--don’t pull your luck!”

“Push your luck,” Guillermo mutters darkly and the narrow-eyed look he’s casting your way is actually the most alarming thing in this room full of apex predators.

The meeting wraps up as dawn approaches. Nadja draws your hand into the crook of her elbow and walks you out of the library.

“Tell me more about these roller battles,” she says. “What manner of weaponry do you use?”

---

Not knowing what else to do with yourself you follow Guillermo and Nandor into the crypt. The Familiar helps his master into the coffin and goes about the room, snuffing candles and checking that the curtains are secure against the approaching sun.

“Come, my mortal,” Nandor says, opening his arms and beckoning you into the coffin. From across the room you hear Guillermo’s squeak of outrage.

“You...want me to sleep in the coffin? With you?” you ask somewhat stupidly. But how are you supposed to respond?

“Unless you would prefer the cell…” Nandor remarks sarcastically. “We have just the one bed that Guillermo uses…”

You glance apologetically at Guillermo but he turns away with a huff. What does he possibly get from this arrangement, you wonder?

“Fine,” you sigh. “But...I’ll need a bedroom of my own, Nandor.”

“Yes, yes, very well. Now come. I’m tired.”

You climb awkwardly up into the coffin, stepping carefully around the vampire’s long legs and settling down beside him. It is surprisingly roomy. Custom-made, you assume.

Nandor wraps an arm around you, tucking you firmly into his side. You feel yourself heat with embarrassment at the casual intimacy. Snuggling with a vampire inside his coffin. Nandor sniffs and...purrs? He leans forward to bury his nose into your hair.

“Delightful human,” he murmurs. “I’m very glad I decided not to kill you right away. What a waste that would have been.”

“Goodnight, master,” Guillermo’s soft voice interrupts and you look up to see him standing--menacingly?--over the coffin with a hand on the lid. “Sweet dreams.”

“Yes, night-night, Guillermo,” Nandor replies and the lid drops closed.

Thank god you’re not claustrophobic. You’re nervous enough as it is. In a dark, enclosed space with a murderous creature of the night. Nandor shifts beside you and hugs you closer, almost like a teddy bear.

“Goodnight my delicious mortal,” he whispers and you feel cool, soft lips press a kiss onto your forehead. A shiver runs through you at the touch and your stomach stirs with the faintest of butterflies. You bury your face into his chest and breathe. How can a dead man smell so nice?

“Night, Nandor,” you yawn and somehow, unfathomably, you fall into a soft, gentle sleep in the arms of a killer.

---

A/N: What is my brain?

Also:

Tags:

@festering-queen

Hi, I’m taking a liberty here but let me know if you don’t actually want to be tagged: @glitterportrait @imaginethesons

#nandor the relentless #nandor x reader #nandor the relentless x reader #nandor the relentless imagine #nandor imagine #wwdits #wwdits fanfic #what we do in the shadows #kayvan novak #vampire x human #chelsfic

230 notes · View notes

chelsfic · 4 years

Text

I’ll Just Look on Through My Love - Guillermo x Reader x Nandor One-shot (Dom/Sub, One-shot)

Sorry for the gif lmao

Sequel to A Familiar’s Familiar

WWDITS Masterlist | AO3

Summary: Guillermo and Nandor punish you. Nandor thinks Guillermo is far too lenient with you.

Warnings/Tags: Dom/sub, choking, humiliation, Gender Neutral Pronouns/Descriptions

Nandor’s hand is gigantic. It wraps practically all the way around your throat. His fingers and thumb dig into the tender flesh under your jaw bone, forcing your head back against his broad chest. Guillermo’s hand is smaller, but more vicious. His blunt fingernails cut into your sensitive skin. You’re sandwiched between them, Guillermo’s weight pressing into your chest and Nandor’s ice cold breath creeping over the nape of your neck. Their bodies hold you up, your feet dangling, barely scraping the floor of your little bedroom under the stairs.

“Look at you, chiquis,” Guillermo’s voice is stern but there’s a tremor in it that betrays how affected he is by this scene. Not to mention his achingly hard erection, currently rocking against your pelvis. “Weeping, whining, falling apart. Is this what it takes to teach you respect?”

Nandor growls into your ear, his beard scraping roughly against your cheek as he leans over you and grabs Guillermo up in a broken, feral kiss. Their hands loosen around your throat and you sob as the blood rushes painfully back to your oxygen-deprived brain. Shadows and brilliant sparks of light fade from your vision as you recover yourself, suspended between your master and his master.

Nandor snarls into the kiss and Guillermo responds with a breathy, needy moan. Hearing the way your master responds to Nandor’s attentions sends a pulsing ache to your groin. But you’re still weak and weepy with the sorrow of disappointing Guillermo. You fist your little hands into the fabric of his sweater and bury your face in the crook of his neck, clinging to him and begging for forgiveness. “I’m sorry,” you repeat over and over again.

Nandor’s chest rumbles with low laughter and he begins thrusting to the rhythm of your cries; his firm erection rubs against your ass through layers and layers of clothing. “Your familiar is spoiled, Guillermo,” he chides, pulling back from the kiss, his mouth painted with blood. Guillermo’s lips are a beautiful ruin. “They think they can run around this house disrespecting vampires and just say they are sorry ?”

Nandor wraps his arms around you, replacing his hand around your throat and pulling you away from your master. You sob pitifully at the separation and try again, “Please, I’m really sorry, Master. Master Nandor. I won’t ever roll my eyes at you again. Please…”

“It’s too late for that!” Nandor grouses. He squeezes his hand on your throat in a petulant warning before letting his fingers relax. “You think I don’t know you don’t give a shit about me? Well, it’s pretty clear. Look at you, so sad and desperate for Guillermo. Well, guess what? Guillermo doesn’t want you. He wants me. Isn’t that right, Guillermo?

Your master is undressing, responding to some unspoken command from Nandor’s eyes. He removes his clothing with neat precision, folding and setting each item down on the little nightstand beside your cot. “Yes, master,” he answers with a needy moan, finally working the skin-tight boxer-briefs down his curvy legs and standing naked and exposed before you.

Guillermo’s body is so perfect it hurts. Your eyes linger over his heaving chest, the round slope of his plush stomach, the shape of his heavy erection jutting out between thick thighs. The only other time you’ve seen your master nude was that night...months ago when he’d offered you the job. But it had been dark and he’d been in a rush. Still. The memory of his words sends a shiver down your spine, If you want this job...you’ll need to lose your virginity first...

Nandor speaks and you snap back to the present. You can practically see the open-mouthed leer on his lips as he hisses in satisfaction. “Look at you, Guillermo! Your cheeks are so rosy...and that fat cock is ready for me, isn’t it?”

“Yes, master.” Guillermo backs up until his knees hit the edge of your pitiful little mattress. He lays down on it, his legs spread open and you might faint. Your beautiful master, naked and yearning, laid out in the place where you sleep every night! He ghosts a hand over his dick and pants, “I want you, master. I’ve been good.”

“Hm, debatable,” Nandor mocks. He’s grinding himself into your ass and you feel yourself responding, subtly rocking back against him. “You can’t even keep your own familiar in line, after all. I have to do everything for you, do I? Guillermo, prepare yourself for me while this pitiful little thing watches.”

Guillermo groans in delight, shoving his hands between his spread legs. The air rushes from your lungs at the sight and Nandor laughs over your head. “He’s not for you, little human.”

You watch as Guillermo glances over at your nightstand and back at you with a questioning arch of his brows. Oh god…

“I-in the drawer, master,” you tell him, face burning as he reaches into the drawer and pulls out the bottle of lube you’d purchased with rather unrealistically hopeful expectations.

He smirks at you as he pours the liquid over his fingers, “My familiar is keeping secrets from me, too? What are you doing in here all by yourself in the middle of the day with this, huh?” Guillermo’s fingers trace past his cock, inching between his legs. “Do you touch yourself and think about me? What do you think about? Getting fucked by me?” His fingers disappear and he regards you coldly. “No...it’s something else isn’t it? Something sadder. You think about rutting against me like the pathetic, mewling underservant you are? Fucking yourself on my thigh while I ignore you? Is that what gets you off?”

Guillermo’s working himself open as he speaks and Nandor’s hand has fallen from your neck. He’s holding you in a bone-cracking bear hug as he frantically humps you from behind. Warmth pools between your legs and every little motion causes your underwear to brush against your sex, sending an electric jolt through your core. You could come without ever being touched.

“I hope you’re ready for me, Guillermo. Because I cannot wait any longer.” Nandor drags you forward and throws you down on the narrow bed beside your master. You lay there, frozen and unsure, next to your writhing, panting master. Nandor climbs on after you, kneeling between Guillermo’s spread legs. “You’re going to lay there and watch while I fuck your master into the mattress. Won’t that be nice?” When you don’t answer Nandor’s face turns stony. “What do you say when a superior does a kindness for you, mortal?”

“Thank you, Master Nandor.” Your voice is small.

You curl onto your side so you can face your master; maybe you can pretend it’s just the two of you. But Guillermo ignores you, staring up at Nandor with his eyes blown. His face is slack and he squirms wantonly, begging with his body for his master’s attention. What would it be like, you wonder, to be the object of Guillermo’s adoration? Your hands lay limp on the mattress, twitching every now and then with the desire to reach out and touch what you can’t have.

Nandor unbuttons his fly and pulls out his straining cock, already glistening with pre-cum. He lines himself up without ceremony and rails into Guillermo’s soft, pliant body. Your master cries out, his hands bracing against the wall behind his head as Nandor starts plowing into him with unforgiving force. You watch, rapt, your face only inches from Guillermo’s on the pillow. Nandor is a writhing, brutal force of nature, but you only have eyes for your sweet master. His face scrunches up so adorably in pain-pleasure. His pouty lips are parted and little mewling cries spill out with every breath. Nandor is, as always, relentless. You want to scream at him to kiss and hold your master the way he deserves. But you swallow the instinct, dreaming instead of being the one to kiss his swollen, bloodied lips.

“You need to learn, little human,” Nandor huffs, his hands digging cruelly into Guillermo’s fleshy thighs. “I’m your master’s master. You disrespect me, then you disrespect your master! Understand?”

A sob tears from your throat and you bury your face into Guillermo’s sweaty shoulder, hiding your overwrought emotions from the vampire’s cold gaze. Guillermo coos at you soothingly, even as he takes his master’s cock deeper inside of him. He drops one arm down onto your shoulders and hugs you to his side.

“You’re too lenient with your familiar, Guillermo,” Nandor growls, his voice hiccupping with the intensity of his human’s hot, tight body wrapped around him.

Guillermo gasps out a laugh and says, “I wonder where I learned that?”

Nandor roars at the impertinence just as his climax takes hold. He frantically grabs for his familiar’s neglected cock. He strokes with precise, inhuman speed that carries Guillermo into a rapid, overwhelming orgasm of his own. You cling onto your master, sniffling and crying into his shoulder as he shakes and gasps.

Nandor slides out of Guillermo, his cock still throbbing and pulsing out hot ropes of semen that splatter over the human’s inner thighs and belly. He waits until the last drop shoots onto Guillermo’s flushed skin before tucking himself away and standing with a ridiculously dignified air considering what he’s just been doing.

“I’ll expect you in my crypt in an hour to get me ready for coffin,” he commands, turning on his heel and disappearing behind the flimsy curtain.

The quiet in your little room is deafening and it makes it all the more apparent when Guillermo’s soft, panting breaths thicken into silent sobs. You raise your head from the cradle of his shoulder, watching his beautiful face collapse in anguish as he cries. Something inside of you breaks. You forget your own angst--the misery of disappointing Guillermo and the terror of his vampire master taking control over your punishment. Your master is hurting and it feels like someone has cracked open your chest and ripped out your heart.

“Oh, master!” you plead, reaching up and wiping the tears from his cheeks. “Please, don’t cry.”

Guillermo takes another minute to regain control. It’s probably taking advantage of his compromised state but you put your arm around his chest and hug him to you. You need to comfort him and, maybe, you need the comfort of his soft warm body as well. When his sobs finally abate, he tries and fails to attain his usual cold, mean demeanor. You’d take a dozen more punishments if it would heal the broken tremor in his voice that betrays him. “Clean me up, familiar.”

You dash down the hall, returning in moments with a damp washcloth. Guillermo shifts over on the cot, allowing you space to sit at his side as you gently wipe away the drying gobs of Nandor’s semen from his chest and stomach. You blush a little when he parts his thighs and motions for you to clean him down there as well. But, as much as you lust after your beautiful master, that isn’t what this moment is about. You move to kneel between his legs and clean him with a reverence that feels sacred and pure. Touching him softly, you hiss in sympathy when you notice the finger-shaped bruises forming on his thighs. Guillermo stays utterly quiet throughout, staring into the middle distance.

“There,” you say, dropping the cloth onto the floor by the bed. “Good as new, master.”

Guillermo says nothing, his face is a blank mask but you notice that he’s shivering.

“Are you cold?” you ask, tugging at the blanket and covering him with it. You feel suddenly nervous. This is unknown territory, you’ve never actually witnessed the private side of his relationship with Nandor. You can’t help but compare the way Nandor fled afterwards with the way Guillermo let you sleep in bed with him that night after he first punished you…

Feeling uncertain, but desperately wanting to offer comfort, you climb under the blanket with him and cautiously snuggle into his side. You expect him to push you away, or perhaps to lay rigidly beside you. But Guillermo accepts your touch, allowing you to pillow your head on his soft, scarcely-haired chest. He lets out a shaky sigh and his eyes drift closed.

“Is this alright, master?” you ask, your voice trembling. “Just for a little while, until you feel better?”

Guillermo doesn’t answer out loud. Instead, he wraps his arms around you and drops a kiss onto the top of your head. Your lips split into a painful smile. You bury your face in his chest, pressing your lips to his smooth skin and kissing directly over his heart. You think you could endure a thousand nights of having to watch, with pitiful yearning in your gut, if your master will only hold you like this and kiss you sweetly each time.

“Good familiar,” he breaths into your tangled hair and your heart swells.

#guillermo de la cruz x reader #Guillermo x Nandor #guillermo x reader x nandor #smut #cursed fanfic #this is not a joke you are now cursed

87 notes · View notes