#and this is the second round of free tests so if you ordered some back in 2022 you can order a second set now

[systemrestart]

For those unaware, the deadline to order 4 free Covid-19 tests in the US is March 8th. So if you haven't already claimed your free tests, do it now!!

[buckets-and-trees]

Test Play

Title: Test Play Fandom: MCU Characters/Pairings: Game Designer!Bucky x Female!Reader Word Count: 1.8k

Summary: Sequel to Perfectionists. All hands on deck around the clock as SHIELD has to put in some extra work in order to get things ready for game approval before the beta test can be launched soon at PAX East, especially if they want to beat out HYDRA's new pending release. What will that mean for the new development between Bucky and SHIELD's top tier tester when there doesn't seem to be time for sleep, let alone... whatever this is?

Content/Concept Warnings: gamer AU; strong language; SMUT: vaginal fingering, cock warming; beefy Bucky who is soft but a menace

Notes: THE FIRST OF MY PROMISED ANNIVERSARY SLEEPOVER FICS! Also crossing off:

Catching up on @buckybarnesevents WEEK FOUR of Hot Bucky Summer: Free Week: suggested cock warming

Seventh square of @buckybarnesbingo C3: FREE SPACE - seemed fitting to couple it with HBS Free Week

When I wrote Perfectionists, I really didn't think I had more story to tell or that these two would get as much love as they did...so this is something I'm very excited to share for part of my Anniversary Sleepover event!

A/N: AND THANKS to @rookthorne who helped me with a bit of gamer lingo and encouraging these two and literally @vonalyn’s expertise in knowledge of the gaming industry! Chi especially not only steered me in the right direction, but you were so generous and indulgent of my inquiries!

story divider by @sgt-seabass, reblog graphic by @vase-of-lilies

Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

Steve looked over from his desk to see Bucky’s fingers tapping anxiously across the way on the corner of his desk, chin propped on his other hand, staring – glaring, really – at the clock on the wall. As the leads on the new Avengers story release for SHIELD, he and Bucky were on hold until the feedback from the latest round of testing hit their inboxes.

“You good?” Steve asked. None of them were great right now, but Steve felt keenly the need to make sure as captain of this crew that everyone was at least good.

The glower turned to him. “I’m fine, just… hate waiting.”

The icy blue stare didn’t faze Steve – he knew it wasn’t for him. “Maybe there are some preliminary notes we could get a jump on. Do you want me to go check on her progr–?“

“No, I’ll go,” Bucky cut him off and stood abruptly in the same second. He was out of the engineering and design lab before Steve could even respond.

Steve frowned.

Nat and Sam had gone down to consult with the marketing department, but Joaquin was still in the lab with him. “You know he hates these spots where there’s nothing to do until there’s something to do even more than you, Cap,” he quipped.

Steve sighed. “I know. But he seems even more worked up than usual, he’s never liked having to talk with the testers before now, but I guess desperate times…”

Steve went back to refreshing his inbox because there definitely were more things he needed to communicate back to the other teams, even if the other part of his work was on hold, so he missed the slight smirk on Joaquin’s face.

Bucky was on a direct path, not to be deterred by anyone if they were trying to get his attention in any way. As he came around a corner, he nearly collided with T’Challah, lead writer on the story design team.

“Barnes! My apologies!”

“Oh, no!” Bucky’s face turned a bright red. Anyone else and Bucky with his broad chest and hulking frame would’ve probably bowled them over. “That was all me.”

Though they’d worked together from time to time over the last year, Bucky still didn’t know him very well, but T’Challah was one of the few others at SHIELD Bucky enjoyed working with outside of his own team and he had a fair bit of respect from the man.

“On your way to the test room?” T’Challah guessed.

Bucky rubbed the back of his neck. “Guilty.”

T’Challah smiled. “I just came from there. From our conversation, I expect we’re closer than we hoped on getting this mode online with the rest of the release. She’s not done yet, but I think you’ll like what she has to say.”

You glanced over your shoulder when you heard someone closing the door to the test room. “I can not go any faster, I promise.”

You did a double-take and paused the game when you saw the giant gaming engineer who had ruined you a week earlier crossing the room. “Hi,” you breathed and returned the soft smile you saw on his face. You were glad it was dim in the room so he couldn’t see every detail of your expression, feeling flushed at the sight of him, and biting the slight edge of your bottom lip.

“Hi,” he returned warmly. There was a slight twinkle in his eye as his gaze swept over you. “What is this?” he gestured up and down as he planted himself down next to you, body angled to you and not the gaming screen.

You were cocooned with only hands sticking out from one blanket draped over your head and your shoulders and another wrapped around your legs. “It is Women’s Winter! I’m trying not to freeze in the extremes of corporate American summer air conditioning temperatures!”

Bucky laughed. He laughed around the team, but rarely around anyone else. And this? With you? This was still so new, but it was nice.

“Here, I’ll help warm you up.” Bucky settled in on the couch directly next to you. His hulking frame made the couch dip slightly beneath him, and that brought your cocooned self partially into his lap. He wrapped one beefy arm around your back and the other rested over your legs.

“Hi,” you said again, a whisper this time.

“Hi.” The dimness of the room did not prevent you from seeing the heat that was building in his gaze.

That look made you want to squirm in the best way – to be writhing under him. He was so big you had to tilt up your head to look into each other’s eyes, but that was no problem. It meant a natural invitation for Bucky to lean down and capture your lips in a kiss.

Which he did.

The sweet greeting of the kiss, not having seen each other for a few days, melted away quickly into more. His tongue teased at the seam of your lips, and you opened your mouth to him eagerly. It was hungry and demanding, and he pulled a moan from your throat.

And for some reason your brain switched back on, and you laughed breathlessly and pulled away.

“Buck, no.”

“Buck, yes.”  

He circled his arms around you completely now and burrowed his head into the crook of your neck, mouthing at the tender flesh there, a little nipping, kissing, and licking that had you moaning again.

The thud as the controller hit the floor reminded you again that you were supposed to be finishing the test play, not letting Bucky play with your body.

You jumped out of his arms and retrieved the controller.

“Buck, anyone could come in and see us! We’re lucky no one caught us the first time.”

The grin does not leave his devastatingly handsome face. “I specifically locked the door when I came in this time.”

You laughed but shook your head. “That was awfully presumptuous!”

His expression softened, and he reached for your hand. You let him pull you closer as he spoke. “It might have been presumptuous, but it wasn’t my only intention. I’ve been eager to see you, spend time with you. One night of fun last week and lunch the next day before the HYDRA shitstorm… that’s not all I wanted with you.”

He held your hand up and kissed your palm before pulling you even closer. You melted into him as he circled his arms around your waist, your blankets having pooled at your feet. One of your hands threaded into his hair, the other wrapped gently around his neck. He turned his head, resting his cheek against your front, and you felt and heard him take in a deep breath and then exhale slowly. You felt that energy mirror inside of you as well.

You didn’t think he had only used you for one hot night of pleasure – the hours spent wrapped up in each other on the couch after fucking, and then waking up in your own bed the next morning to a text already waiting asking if you wanted to get lunch had said a lot – but it had not been the week to jump into … whatever this was going to be. Ten days ago Barnes had only been the guy you had harbored a crush on and thought didn’t like you one bit since you had been professionally clashing for months as game engineer and game tester.

Literally while you had been at lunch, teasing him about his questionable choice of footwear, Bucky had received a flurry of Slack messages and then a call from Steve. They had intel on review notes from the beta release HYDRA had submitted to one of the first party platforms and Fury had decided to bring the Deep Shadow Conditions mode back into the release SHIELD was going to submit to the first party platforms for approval at the end of next week.

Meaning Bucky and the rest of his team had only by necessity taken any kind of breaks to sleep and refuel for the last seventy-two hours, you’d exchanged all of five texts, and had only seen him from across the main floor once in all that time.

So, this was nice.

Your Apple Watch buzzed at your wrist, and you groaned and pushed away from Bucky, hastily moving around to stand behind the couch.

“I’ve got to finish this test play!”

And you hit resume on the game, leaned forward, and planted your elbows on the back of the couch, getting back into the zone.

Bucky heaved himself over the back of the couch and closed in on you, caging you in on either side with his massive biceps, his big solid chest at your back.

“Bucky!” you tried to take a stern tone, but it was hard when you were relishing the measured weight of him against you.

“I’m not stopping you,” he murmured against the back of your neck.

“Bucky! Really!”

He shifted slightly and then you could feel the smirk of his lips on the side of your neck. He planted one hot kiss there, then said, “If you’re so damn good at what you do, keep playing.”

“Are you issuing me a challenge?”

“Just a chance to prove what a consummate professional you are.”

“Challenge accepted. You are an incorrigible menace,” you laughed.

“Actually, I’m cold.”

“You were judging me and my blankets not even five minutes ago,” you said, focused on the action on the screen.

While he remained hunched over your back, you felt him moving again, and you heard but didn’t register the sound of his belt unbuckling.

“Blankets? No,” he murmured in your ear, “I need you to warm me up.”

“Oh,” you moaned when his broad hand cupped your pussy.

“Think you can do that for me?”

He stroked firmly.

“Part of the testing is to see if we’ve got a game that captures the player’s attention, right? I’m just helping you test this aspect, see if a player can become easily distracted, lose interest – that’s the last thing we want.”

Slowly but purposefully Bucky undid your pants and you fought to keep your breathing even and your eyes open and where they were supposed to be as he pulled them down with your underwear. Then he nudged his right foot on the inside of yours to push your legs further apart while two of his fingers moved over your soft, slickening folds. Then he sunk his cock into you, and you both exhaled at the feel of him inside of you.

“How’s that?”

You let out a slight whimper.

“That good, huh? You’re never at a loss for words with that talented tongue.”

You elbowed him gently. “You really wanna play, Barnes? You tease that you just need some cock warming? You get me to break, and then you can fuck me however you like.”

“Oh, I can be patient. I’ll get you to beg for me to fuck you. We’ll see who gets desperate first.”

Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

Link to the List of Sleepover Games

[respectthepetty]

In Short (Short Film Appreciation Post)

Because I'm loving the discussion about the lack of queer diversity in western mainstream media, I want to encourage y'all to support your local queer film festivals. They showcase international queer feature-length films and a wide variety of short films from marginalized voices.

To motivate you, let me present two shorts films:

Up first

F^¢k 'Em R!ght B@¢k

I watched this twelve minute short film last year as part of the screening committee I sit on, and I'm pleased it's finally available, for a fee, on several streaming platforms.

After a night of partying, Sammy's boss demands he take a random drug test, so he must avoid and outwit her to keep his job.

This is Sammy.

He doesn't smoke weed.

But he unknowingly ate weed butter when offered a delicious cake from a random guy he slept with.

This is his boss.

He catches wind of her planning to give him a random drug test, so since the system is fucking Sammy over, he plans to fuck it right back by taking two days of leave to figure out how to get out of it.

He tries everything to get the weed out of his system. EVERYTHING!

Even his best friend suggests using her pee instead.

Basically, Sammy is stressed, pressed, and systemically oppressed.

Yet with the help of modern technology, he realizes he can finesse his way out of this.

So looking like a million, he shows up for work the next day.

But in order to find out how he fucks the system, you gotta watch the short.

And let me tell you, the reason is beautiful.

The short features real-life queer rapper Ddm Ddm

But it also touches on workers' rights and community support.

In Short, it's hilarious, realistic, and all-around amazing.

Up next,

How Not to Date While Trans

Director, writer, and main character Nyala Moon shares a humorous take on dating while trans. This 13-minute short film is free on YouTube, but Moon currently has another short making the festival rounds called "Dilating for Maximum Results" and it's just as hilarious.

This heartfelt yet cutting comedy follows the dating life of Andie, a black trans woman, and the problematic men she meets along the way.

Moon's short is comedy gold, and a great part of it is due to her blunt depiction of being a trans woman.

In the short, she plays Andie, who is a transformer, which she explains is an insult to trans women, but she is trying to reclaim it.

She has a three-date rule before she tells a guy she is trans: coffee, dinner date, then the third date must be public in case he freaks out when she tells him.

But the second date is usually the hardest since she has to subtly quiz the guys without outing herself. It's like a game show, but the men don't know they are on it, and she stays safe!

But even when guys make it to the third date, there is still the chance they will run.

So the short discusses not only dating but random hookups.

Will she attempt the tried and true "nail and bail" or is she open for something more?

To find out, you have to watch it!

In Short, it shows all the ways trans women must navigate dating while also making sure Andie gets laid.

Once again, support your local queer film festival and watch some great films!

[donnetellotheturtle]

Protector

Chapter 4

Hugo knocked on the door of Varian’s lab as he heard an explosion. He threw open the door.

Varian was sitting on the floor, covered in green dust, laughing.

“Goggles what the hell!?”

“Youre late and I got bored!” Varian defended, still laughing.

“I…got held up what the hell are you doing?”

Varian stood, pulling his goggles off his face. Now his face was mostly green dust with two round circles around his blue eyes.

“Well, those things are after me so I figured a chemical that explodes and creates a barrier in front of me that can stop those things would be good…this was test number 1.”

Hugo paused. “huh. I can help you if you want.”

He raised an eyebrow. “you know alchemy?”

“Yeah. My mom taught me.”

“Okay. Come over and grab some goggles.” Varian grabbed a lint roller and used the entire sticky roll to get the yellow off him.

“Alright. So this is my formula for it.” Varian handed Hugo a paper with the formula. It only took a second before Hugo realized it. One of his calculations was wrong. He quickly fixed it.

“there, it should work better now.”

Varian looked at the new formula. “oh…oh I’m so stupid!” He said that with such glee and it made Hugo confused. Varian grabbed some more chemicals and started the process again.

Luckily this time there was no explosion. Instead, the yellow liquid in the bottle hardened.

“Oh…” Hugo muttered. “That’s not supposed to happen is it?”

“No…it needs to be activated by air…we’ll keep working at it. Ill get it eventually. But in the meantime…let’s get some dinner. I’m starving.”

Hugo smiled. “Where do you want to go? I don’t know where anything is…”

Varian put a finger to his chin. “Oh I know!”

--

Hugo had to admit, he really didn’t like being out in the woods with one small torch alone with Varian. The boy wasn’t stupid though. He was clinging to Hugo like a lifeline as they walked.

“Where are we going?” Hugo asked.

“The snuggly duckling.” Varian answered. “It used to be full of thieves and crooks.”

Hugo frowned. “and now?”

“It still is. But I’m friends with all of them! and they have the best food for miles.”

Hugo sighed. “How did you manage to drag me out into the woods…you know those things are not messing around, right?”

“Of course!” Varian had an odd look in his eye. As if he was planning something.

“Are you sure we’re going the right way?”

“Well, no…its kind of hard to see.”

Hugo groaned. “Goggles!”

“Look, I’ve been this way a thousand times.”

Hugo pushed the glasses up on his face to rub his eyes, exasperated. “Okay lets go back. Itll be safer in town.”

“We cant.” Varian said.

Hugo raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

Varian smiled nervously. “Okay you’re going to think I’m crazy.”

“I already thought that.” Hugos frowned grew. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw something in the dark. Hugo turned around. “Wait.”

Varian paused. The forest was dead silent. Hugo didn’t like it. “Get behind me.” Hugo ordered. Varian didn’t question it, holding tight to Hugos waist with one hand.

Little did Hugo know Varian was also searching through his bag with his free hand for something. These things weren’t going to take either of them easily.

Then, out of the darkness, a blast of teal light came at both of them. Hugo raised up a hand to defend his face, but it just grazed him, clearly only trying to hit Varian. Varian himself threw a pink vial and hit something in the dark, making an explosion. “Run! That stuff won't last forever!”

Varian grabbed Hugos hand and dragged him. “Varian you-”

“I thought they would come here. Come on I have a plan.”

Hugo was about to argue before he saw the look on Varian’s face. He knew exactly what he was doing. Hugo followed in his stead.

The two of them hid behind a tree. Varian shuffled around in his bag. “Where is it?”

“Varian.” Hugo snapped. “What the fuck is going on?”

The teal haired boy just grinned as he found what he was looking for. An empty vial. He uncorked it and rolled it on the ground. There was an awful squealing and then the sound of something freezing in place. Varian laughed to himself. It was almost evil in nature.

The two of them stepped out, looking at the creature. Just one…Hugo thought that was weird. He didn’t let his guard down as Varian looked it over. “This wont last long. Just long enough to get a sample.”

“A sample!?” This guy was insane. Hugo put a hand over his mouth. “You dragged us out here, put yourself in mortal danger for a sample!?”

Varian cocked his head to the side as he got some of the goop in a vial. “Yeah.” He corked it. “How else are we going to find out what these things are? Running away isn’t solving anything.”

Hugo mentally rescinded his previous statement about letting varian get hurt cause he was about to punch him.

“You’re an idiot. Come on, lets get back to town before more of those things come. And then I can kick you in the shins for tricking me.”

“Would you have come along otherwise?” Varian asked.

Hugo paused. “Probably. But just cause im paid to.”

Varian smiled. He knew that wasn’t the reason he would have come along. He then frowned. In hindsight, he would have told Hugo his plan. Then maybe they could have figured something out together. “…I’m sorry, Hugo. I should have told you.”

“Yeah…” Hugo sighed. “You are right in one aspect…ignoring the problem isn’t going to fix it…lets make our way to that tavern you mentioned before.”

—

Around an hour later, the two arrived at the snuggly duckling. The pathway was brightly lit which made both boys feel better.

Varian had said hello to every person when entering, all of which who seemed to know him quite well. The two grabbed a table towards the back.

“You’re sure that’s not going to pop out and attack us?” Hugo asked as Varian looked at the corked vial.

“Yeah…probably.” Varian frowned. “If only I had my tools with me.”

The goop itself was writhing in the vial, trying to get out and attack Varian who just stared at it. “It looks like opal but liquified.”

Hugo gently took it. “You’re right…hm.” Hugo pulled out his alchemy book, then thought for a second. “I think I know who to take this to.”

“Really? Who?”

“Her name is Donella.”

Varian choked on his drink. “The witch?”

Hugo glared. “Yes the witch.” He didn’t like the way Varian spoke about his mom.

“But shes notoriously not good! She will kill us for even coming into her camp!”

“Maybe shes not so bad.”

“Have you heard the things shes done?”

Hugo was about to retort before someone sat down. Hugo recognized her immediately. Nuru.

“I think, I could be of service.” She said with a knowing smile. Varian raised an eyebrow.

“Who are you?” Varian demanded.

“A surveyor of the magical arts. In other terms, a wizard.” She smiled and snatched the vial from Hugos hands. “A strong spell, only for one victim though…” she reached into her pocket and grabbed a tiny book. She then unfolded out and it got bigger and bigger. She then opened it.

“Woah…” Varian mumbled.

Hugo rolled his eyes. “Witches and wizards are exactly the same, you know. How do we know we can trust you?”

Nuru gave him a look. The conversation he had with her earlier didn’t sit well in his stomach. He didn’t trust this girl. Not when it came to magic and especially not when it came to varian.

“Wizards are not the same. We study for our magic. It’s a very prestigious position in Estelle you know. Meanwhile witches just have magic. They didn’t earn it.”

Hugo and Nuru stared at each other, both challenging each other to say something. Then varian cleared his throat. Both looked at him.

“Anyway.” Nuru said. “I’m more than willing to help. In fact, it’ll suit all our needs.”

“And your need is?” Hugo asked.

Nuru sat up straight. “Classified. Not that I would tell you if it wasn’t.”

“Okay so what do you know about these things?” Varian asked.

“Honestly?” Nuru started. “Not much. But my book might know more.” She opened it up, and only held a hand over it as the pages flipped by themselves. Varian raised an eyebrow. She stopped on a page. All of them looked over the table to see properly. Unfortunately, the boys couldn’t understand what any of the words meant.

“Hm…eternal library…do either of you know anything about that?”

Varian nodded. “My mom went there when I was just a baby…she never came out.”

Hugo looked at Varian. He looked… hurt? Sad? Angry? Hugo couldn’t quite tell.

“I have her journal too. Its back at my lab in the castle.”

“Okay well, these things are connected to that place. The protector of it decides who does and who doesn’t get in…and who dies in the process.”

The boys looked at each other.

“It also protects the magic of it, and those who steal it…only one problem.” Nuru said.

“What?” Varian asked.

“You didn’t steal anything did you Varian?” Nuru stared at him, the boys baby blue eyes went wide.

“I…no.”

“So here’s the question. Why, and how did your mom give you it?”

There was a stark silence between the three. Varian thought about it hard.

“To protect me. She stole the magic of the eternal library. And gave it to me.”

“And now the protector wants it back.”

Hugo frowned, thinking of his book back at Xaviers workshop. The magic in his hands sparked. He shoved them in his pockets. Now was not the time.

“So how do we do that?” Hugo asked.

“No clue. There’s no more information.” Nuru said. “One thing’s for sure, this thing’s not going to stop chasing you. You’re 18 years in debt to this thing, magic wise.”

The sparks fired up so badly in Hugo’s coat pocket that it felt like he got burned. Hugo couldn’t let Varian get hurt. He’d only known him, a little less than 48 hours but something about the other boy made him want to keep him safe.

“I’m not a witch though!” Varian said. “I don’t know how to use magic!”

“If I were the protector, that would make me angrier, I think.” Nuru said. “The magics stolen then never used. Pretty insulting.”

Hugo heard the door open. He poked his head out of the nook, and saw…Donella? What? She was supposed to be back at the camp. The magic in his hands sparked bigger. He’d have to take care of those burns later. Right now, something was wrong. He started at her and noticed something. Her normally blue eyes were teal.

“Guys. We have to go. Now.”

Nuru and Varian looked at him confused. He pointed Donella out. Both looked afraid.

“Why is she here?”

“I don’t know. But look at her eyes, theyre teal. Like your hair stripe. Like the library.”

Nuru and Varian looked at her and then looked at each other. Nuru folded up her book. “Both of you stay close to me. I’m going to get us out of here.”

“No we cant use magic.” Hugo said. Varian gave him a look. Hugo didn’t have time to back track. “Varian, you know this place the best. How do we get out without her seeing us?”

“There’s a secret exit behind the bar.” Varian said. “We just need someone to make a distraction.”

Varian looked at one of the men at the bar, a short man with a long white beard, who was seemingly drunk out of his mind, and smiled.

“Shorty!” Varian whispered. The man looked over. “Distract that woman.”

With that simple command, the bar devolved into chaos. Shorty got up on the table and started singing, making Donella, and everyone else groan. That’s when a big nosed man tried to punch him but missed and ended up hitting Donella. She immediately got angry. The bar turned into a full on brawl.

Varian crouched and tapped the shoulder of a hook footed man. He provided cover for the three of them to get to the exit and varian pulled a beer lever with a duck on the top. Instead of liquid coming out, a tunnel opened. Hugo had Nuru and Varian go first. He spared a look at Donella. She didn’t even see him. He tore his eyes away and closed the tunnel behind him.

< >

Read this on A03!

[whereianonymouslypostfics]

Aberration

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader

Word count: ~4.3k

Summary: First and second meeting with Nat.

A/N: I have decided not to give a preview of the next part, it was near impossible to find an interesting part that didn’t spoil anything. Hopefully I can post it on Saturday! Here’s something to tide y’all over. 

Warnings: Drinking, smidge of violence, and suggestive content.

Saturday nights for you were usually spent holed up in your room of your apartment studying. You usually were preparing for tests days in advance or finishing up some assignments early, but not tonight. Tonight, your friends had convinced you to get out for once and you’ve actually enjoyed yourself. You’d started off getting ice cream at a nearby place before being dragged to a club that was mostly just a bunch of drunk people jumping around. You’d spent most of your time at the bar drinking while your friends danced, but you were fine with that. You were talking with the bartender on and off and you are starting to get a little more buzzed so you’re feeling good. By the time you consider ordering a fifth drink, you notice that someone new is sitting next to you.

Nat had been on business a couple of blocks away not long ago. She’d been striking a deal with a client that hadn’t taken long at all. After checking in with her boss, she realized she had nothing else to do for the night and she considered her options. She was too awake to want to go home and sleep so she found herself wandering down the street. This would be dangerous, idiotic for a normal person given that it was well past a socially acceptable hour to walk around at night alone. That said, Nat wasn’t a normal person, and short of someone just deciding to shoot her out of the blue, she’d have a fairly decent chance of defending herself if any trouble arose.

She didn’t realize that the trouble was waiting for her inside when she walks into a club that’s still filed to the brim. She ventures past the masses of people dancing and heads directly to the bar. She’s thirsty and not nearly drunk enough to think about how this deal had gone, so she sits down at a free barstool and looks around for the bartender.

“She stepped out for a minute. Left me in charge, what can I get you?”

Nat turns to see a woman near her age, maybe a little younger getting up from her seat with a smile. She’s clearly already had a good amount to drink, but she’s steady and clear minded enough to look to Nat with a questioning look as she rounds the bar. She considers just saying she’ll wait since her drink is a little less commonly known. She also considers just ordering something else, but glancing at you again, she realizes that you can probably handle it, or you’ll simply tell her that you can’t.

“Are you sure? I can wait.”

You smile at her kindly before shaking your head and holding up your hands to pretend like you’re writing on a notepad.

“Don’t sweat it. What would you like?”

After ordering Nat watches as you go to make her drink. She’s watching you like a hawk, but you don’t seem to mind as you grab a glass, shaker and the necessary ingredients. You are grateful for the fact that you’d taken a bartending class at a friend’s bachelorette party recently, otherwise you’d be completely out of your element. You get it near perfect and Nat can’t help but smile as she takes it from you with a nod in response to your question.

“Is this right?”

“Looks great, thanks.”

She takes a sip as she watches you look to everyone else at the bar, but they seem fine with their drinks at the moment. You also figure that the bartender will be back any second so you move back around the bar and take your seat back next to the redhead. You grab some of the peanuts in front of you and start cracking them open with a smile.

“Happy to be of service.”

Nat takes a moment to consider you. You’re dressed comfortably, but still your clothes highlight your assets. Nat realizes that you’re probably a student given the proximity to the campus and the tired look in your eyes. She smiles slightly at you before setting down her drink.

“It’s good, thank you…”

She trails off and you smile wider as you finish chewing before shooting her a look. You offer a wave before introducing yourself to the ridiculously attractive redhead. You’ve never seen her before, not here or not on campus. She looked a little older than you and you couldn’t picture her in school. She had an aura of being in charge, of being in control over everything and you’d be shocked if she didn’t hold some sort of authoritative role. You were starting to think of occupations she could hold when you realized you needed to tell her your name.

Private security…CEO....free-lance-

“Y/n. Nice to meet you.”

You hold your glass up to her and she smiles in amusement before humoring you and clinking hers against yours. She takes a sip watching as you do as well before smiling at her decision. She needs to take a break and try to decompress to feel something other than stress and responsibility.

“I’m Nat.”

You talk with the redhead long after the bartender returns, and even after your friends leave to another club. You pass on the opportunity to join them and just stay at the bar with your new drinking buddy. You can tell that Nat is slowly relaxing as you talk to her, but she’s still observant of her surroundings and not drinking enough to truly become drunk. You’ve switched from alcohol to water at this point and after returning from the bathroom where two people were making out, you’re almost disappointed to see two empty seats where you left Nat. You glance at your watch before deciding that it’s probably time for you to leave anyway. You grab your wallet from your purse preparing to pay so you can leave when you hear a voice behind you.

“It’s taken care of already. Do you want to get out of here?”

You feel a hand on your lower back and you have to suppress the urge to shudder at the sound of the redhead’s low voice. You simply nod before smiling at the possibilities that the rest of tonight holds.

You had been right to assume that Nat was someone who enjoyed exercising control in all aspects of life. You’d been unsurprised when she took the lead as soon as you left the bar, and you honestly didn’t mind. You were tired and not being in charge for once was freeing. You were able to relax much better and your sleep once the two of you finally went to bed was amazing, if a little short. You’re woken up by the other occupant of the bed getting up, but you’re too tired to really protest beyond a tired groan. The redhead stops short before she smiles fondly at you. Maybe if things were different, she could have humored the idea of more than just one night together.

“Go back to sleep, dorogoy.”

She doesn’t promise that she’ll be back because she knows she won’t be. She’s just grateful that you fall back to sleep before she finishes getting ready. She sighs as she glances back to you one more time before she leaves as quietly as possible.

You wake up again a couple of hours later and you groan as you stretch out underneath the covers. You’re pleasantly warm and have no intention of getting out of bed yet this early on a Sunday, but sudden realization that you went to bed with someone has your eyes flying open. You look to the other side of the bed and see that it’s empty and a quick glance around the room confirms what you suspected. You frown slightly but don’t get out of bed to confirm that Nat’s gone when you figure that her absence and the lack of anyone’s clothing but your own is pretty much a definitive answer. You pout slightly before lying back down and trying to go back to bed.

Last night had been fun and you suppose you hadn’t expected anything else out of it. However, a goodbye would have been nice. You shake your head at the thought as you yawn and roll over onto your side with a sigh. It doesn’t matter. You probably won’t ever see her again anyway.

1 year later

You try not to show your nerves and make your raging anxiety obvious as you follow Wanda to the bar where you had only been to a couple of times. You were meeting your girlfriend’s best friends for the first time and you were a nervous wreck. Despite having dated for close to a year, this is the first one of Wanda’s friends you’ve met. It was very unconventional and you would have been more upset about it if you didn’t know what Wanda did for a living.

You’d learned early on that she wasn’t actually a student, and that when she had to disappear at random times and sometimes go dark for a few days, it was just her job. She wasn’t ignoring you, and she wasn’t cheating on you, she was just dealing with work.

You hadn’t asked for specifics until you realized that what you had with the redhead had the potential to become serious. You had been with her for a few months before you asked the upfront question of what exactly she meant when she said her job dealt with various businesses. Wanda had been reluctant to tell you out of fear of scaring you off. You hadn’t taken it great honestly, and Wanda had feared losing you when you frowned and shook your head at her confession. However, you’d already decided that you wanted to be with Wanda long term, so you just set a few boundaries that kept you in the dark and allowed Wanda to do what she needed.

Now, almost 6 months after that conversation, Wanda was ready to risk introducing you to her friends. It was nothing against you, and all of her friends had certainly heard a lot about you because Wanda talked about you all the time, but no one had officially met you. Steve and Bucky have both had a single conversation with you, and both were tense and full of suspicion. You were fine with keeping both of these a secret given how poorly they’d gone. Whenever Wanda was out with you, she was careful and she always looked over her shoulder if you two met somewhere that wasn’t private. You rarely went out together, but when you did, she arrived after you always and you always left separately. It took some getting used to, but tonight was one of the first times you and Wanda could arrive and leave somewhere together.

This probably had to do with the fact that you were meeting on her territory and anyone who looked at you twice was going to suffer dearly for it.

Wanda was well aware that this didn’t include her friends though and she had to remind herself that they would love you. She loved you and she was happy with you. That was all her friends should care about, right?

“It’s okay to be nervous. I’m a little nervous too, but they’ll love you.”

You smile at her as she squeezes your hand reassuringly as she leads you through the front doors. The bar is relatively busy, but the noise is just above a quiet murmur accompanied by the clinking of glasses and silverware. You look to the bar first wishing you were comfortable enough to drink and get drunk, but you wanted to make a good impression. It was important that Wanda’s friends liked you. You glance around absentmindedly trying to guess who you were meeting tonight, but always Wanda had been vague about who you were meeting tonight.

“Who exactly are we meeting, Wands?”

Wanda’s smile disappears and her expression becomes neutral as she looks around the bar. She’d promised you her closest friends tonight, but she hadn’t wanted to overwhelm you on the first go. She knew her brother wasn’t meeting you anytime soon because he would be way too over the top overprotective brother and that would freak you out. She had figured that Nat and Yelena would be the least harmful at this point and if things went well with them, Bucky and Steve could join later. They were very chill and kind people, but the fact they were big and imposing made her hesitate to introduce you to them first.

“They’re right over here, detka.”

You turn to where Wanda’s gestured with a nod. You take a deep breath as subtly as possible before you study the duo that you see sitting in the booth. They’re on opposite sides so you only see the blonde and the back of the other woman’s head. The blonde looks close to your age and she notices you and Wanda almost immediately. She looks intimidating and she reminds you of Wanda with how she appraises you within a few seconds of realizing who you are. You aren’t sure if you’re smiling, but you hope you don’t look as intimidated as you feel when you and Wanda arrive at the booth.

���Y/n, meet my friends. This is Yelena…”

She gestures to the blonde who just offers you a small smile before turning to the redhead who’s finally turning to face you. You feel your stomach drop and you know you look as shocked as you feel when you realize who you’re looking at.

“And this is Natasha.”

Nat looks at you and unlike you she’s able to hide her surprise a little better. You see her eyes widen slightly before she schools her features and tamps down her mortification. You on the other hand just stare at her in shock, your face heating up as you try to not think about how Nat looks exactly the same as when you last saw her. Your mind is already trying to put together the clues that you had and the questions that fly around your head about how long she’s worked with Wanda when your girlfriend turns to you at your continued silence.

Wanda frowns as she looks to you in confusion. She’s wondering why you hadn’t introduced yourself when she sees your shock as you stare at Nat. She looks to the other redhead and notices that she’s clearly uncomfortable as well. It’s subtle because Nat is just like that, but Wanda realizes quickly that she’s clearly missing something. Yelena realizes it to and she scowls before shooting her sister a look that she’s avoiding like the plague.

“What’s going on? “

“Y/n, what’s wrong?”

You can’t stop yourself from reacting the way you do. It’s one of your flaws that Wanda’s called endearing at times, but you doubt she’d feel this way right now. When you’re faced with an uncomfortable situation, you usually have to fight the urge to burst into tears or start laughing awkwardly. You take a small step back as you cover your mouth and your eyes start to tear up. You don’t notice Wanda’s bewildered look as you start to laugh incredulously. You can’t believe your luck and you’re doubled over and near crying when you finally manage to hear something that someone says.

“What the fuck is happening?”

This comes from Yelena and you can’t help but feel bad about how horribly you’re portraying yourself right now. You’re sure Wanda’s deeply embarrassed and the slight flush and the evident scowl on your girlfriend’s face supports this claim. You do your best to try to save face with everyone present as you shake your head and wipe your eyes before moving back toward the table.

“I’m sorry, it’s nice to meet you, Yelena. I’ve heard a lot about you, and I’m sure you’re regretting coming here tonight.”

You don’t give her time to respond as you turn to her sister and then your girlfriend with an apologetic look. You take a deep breath before sitting down next to Yelena while Wanda who’s still very confused, sits down next to a silent Nat.

“Good to see you again, Nat.”

This throws everyone at the table off. If Nat had to guess, she would have assumed that you would be a little upset with her. It doesn’t take her long to scold herself for that thought. It was over a year ago when the two of you slept together and there had been no expectations for more. Not to mention, you were with Wanda now and from what the other redhead told her it sounded like the two of you were pretty serious.

Nat clears her throat, ignoring the looks from her friend and sister as she nods in agreement. She reaches out for her drink and downs the rest of it before responding in a low voice.

“You too.”

Wanda’s done just sitting by in stunned silence. She looks between the two who have apparently met each other before asking the obvious question that hasn’t been addressed for some reason. She can’t help her paranoia, and she has a feeling that she’s not going to like what you have to tell her.

“When did you two meet, exactly?”

Nat’s sitting next to her and despite all of her training, she can’t lie to her friend. Her mouth twitches and Wanda doesn’t see it, but Yelena and you do from where you sit across from her. Yelena clearly has her suspicions, and apparently Nat’s behavior is confirming them because the blonde’s mouth drops similarly to how yours did.

“No way. Cyka, what the fuck?”

You and Wanda are looking to her in confusion before the redhead looks to Nat in annoyance. She’s about to pull rank when you speak up from across the table. You’re trying to save Nat from getting in trouble, but you somehow make it worse.

“It was a long time ago, Wanda. It’s not a big deal.”

Wanda turns to you with an angry glare before she speaks through grit teeth. Her friend’s behavior is more telling than your vague statement and Wanda can feel her anger growing at the woman next to her. If she did what Wanda thinks she did she might have to punch her in the face.

“What happened a long time ago, Y/n?”

You open your mouth to respond, but for some reason Nat wants to take over. She figures that if it comes from her Wanda will be less angry. That doesn’t mean she’s getting away with this scot-free.

“We slept together.”

Yelena groans as she slaps her forehead as she mutters ‘I knew it’, but Wanda doesn’t say a thing. She doesn’t even appear to react at all and that scares you more than her yelling. You’ve learned over the months you’ve been with her that she rarely yells when she gets really angry. She’ll kill you with a look and the silent treatment before you eventually come groveling to her for forgiveness.

“How long ago was this?”

Wanda’s question is barely above a whisper but everyone hears it. You’re less concerned about doing the exact math in your head because you can see that Wanda’s angry front is concealing an obvious hurt. You realize you should have clarified this immediately and you almost reach out for her before you realize she might pull away out of anger.

“It was a few months before we met. It was just a one-time thing, right Nat?”

You look to her for help and she immediately nods in confirmation. You both clearly want to get out of this awkward situation that you’d been thrust into unknowingly. With this in mind, Nat speaks up to try and save face and miraculously Wanda becomes even angrier at her words.

“Yeah, that’s right. It didn’t mean anything, Wanda.”

You hadn’t even gotten to register Nat’s words before Wanda was responding in a way that rendered you speechless. You were so distracted by the sight of Wanda shoving Nat that you didn’t hear Yelena mutter an insult under her breath at her sister’s stupid comment. She isn’t surprised that Wanda reacted this way, but you’re practically gawking at your girlfriend who has her friend pinned against the wall with a vicious glare.

“Say that again, Nat. I’m not sure I heard you right.”

Nat clearly realizes her mistake and she shakes her head despite knowing it’s too late. She resists the urge to steal a glance at you for help. That would only make things worse. She’d just insulted you in front of Wanda who thought the world of you, and she was 99% sure she was going to get hit. You finally shake your surprise when you see Wanda’s hold on her friend tighten and her gaze turns even more threatening. If that’s possible. You almost hesitate to speak up because you’re fearful of how Wanda will respond. You’ve never seen her this mad.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Wanda. I swear, it’s just--.”

Nat’s not sure what she can say to make this better, but she’s eternally grateful that you speak up. You sit up and try to reach out for your girlfriend, but she’s too far away. You hurry to stand up and move closer to her to try and prevent whatever violence is about to come.

“Just what?”

Wanda’s gritting her teeth she’s so angry, and she’s surprised by the restraint she’s showing considering what her friend just said. She knows that Nat didn’t mean anything by it, but she’s still a little thrown and angry about the fact that you and Nat apparently met and slept together just months before you started dating her. She suddenly realizes why not introducing you to her friends sooner wasn’t the best idea. Yelena just watches the scene play out in silence, not sure who she’s rooting for. She figured that you’ll be able to calm Wanda down with a little persuasion. She’s honestly such a goner for you. She can tell whenever Wanda talks to her about you. It’s so obvious that she has to resist rolling her eyes.

“Wands, come on. She’s telling the truth. It wasn’t anything other than sex. We never saw each other again.”

When Wanda feels your hand on her shoulder lightly tugging her away from Nat she wants to resist. She wants to punch her friend in the face for the fact that she called you insignificant, and that she got to have you first. The thought makes her shake in anger, but luckily you know Wanda well and you wrap your arms around her shoulders and bodily pull her away from Nat with a pleading look she can’t see.

You feel bad for Nat because honestly it wasn’t a big deal and you wouldn’t have minded never talking about it again. If only you could have hidden your horrible reaction to seeing her again. At least you know how to fix this, it just might take some work. Okay a lot of work to persuade Wanda that you’re not hung up on Nat in the least.

“You might want to get out of her reach, sestra.”

This comes from Yelena, and Nat doesn’t need to be told twice. Since you’re still working on pulling Wanda from the booth, she just ducks under the table and moves to sit beside her sister. She reappears and breathes a sigh of relief when she sees her friend and boss glance to you and sigh in defeat. She frowns and you shoot her a look that would make her laugh under any other circumstance. However, she’s in hot water as it is and she’s not going to risk incurring Wanda’s wrath again.

“Babe, I think you just beat me for the most inappropriate reaction tonight.”

Wanda immediately scowls and the two of you argue briefly about who in fact was the worst behaved so far. You admit that you didn’t do much better, but at least you didn’t threaten anyone, let alone a dear friend with violence over something that happened so long ago. Wanda shoots you a look before she shakes her head and shoots Nat a scathing look.

“I disagree, Y/n. I think that was a completely appropriate reaction to someone calling you insignificant. If it had been anyone else, I would have punched them.”

You simply sighed because you knew you wouldn’t be winning this argument right now. So instead, you decide to apologize and hopefully get Wanda to do the same.

“Alright, love. I apologize for my horrible reaction. Nat, Yelena. I apologize. Now, I believe it’s your turn, Wands.”

The redhead looks to you in confusion before she realizes what you’re saying. She is about to shake her head but you shoot her a warning look that says ‘would you like to sleep on the couch for the indefinite future’, and Wanda relents easily. She hates it when you’re mad at her, and she hates the cold and lonely couch even more.

“Come on, I want to actually get to know your friends instead of worrying about you jumping over the table to throttle one of them.”

Nat seems to stiffen at the idea of this and you can’t blame her, but luckily Wanda’s giving in pretty quickly. You have to resist the urge to smile smugly as she apologizes to Nat.

“I’m sorry, Nat. I shouldn’t have shoved you and gotten mad. I’ll buy tonight.”

You smile at your girlfriend, leaning closer to her as Nat just nods and accepts the apology. Yelena doesn’t let her verbally respond though and she smirks at Wanda as she downs the rest of her drink.

“You were buying anyway, boss.”

You can’t help but laugh at this and when you and Yelena exchange an amused look, you feel the first tendrils of friendship form.

Masterlist  

[earanemith]

Promises made

Chapter 3: Abba Please!

Here is is the newest chapter. Please be warned. Big emotions in this one. It's a long one so you might be more comfortable to read it either on ff.net or ao3

Read on ao3 or fanfiction

With the morning sun Miriam entered Ziva David's room as she did every morning. Going through her checklist of moving to prevent bedsores, checking for infection and writing down vital signs in the chart. It saddened her to see the girl so hurt and alone. She wondered if Liat who she met when Ziva was brought in had known when she left, that she would be the only person that would come for Ziva. That when she left there would be no one ells. No family no friends.

After the first week there had been a slight flare round the newly put in metal frame. A round of antibiotics and ointment had taken care of that. There were scans preformed on Ziva's brain to check if the activity had been steady and no further complications. The second week had finally progressed as doctor Raviv had hoped. After the scan results showed the good news they lessened the dose of narcotics pumping through their patients body. A high enough dose to keep her sedated and pain free. Yet not so strong they kept her in a full coma.

After the third week they had switched her to another medication gradually. After another round of scans and blood tests. Scans clear and the blood test showing that there was no trace of infection left. Liana Raviv having declared the healing process had started enough to get Ziva to wake up. For staying in a prolonged medical coma or sedation was never good for a patient. Sometimes some pain but awake was better than no pain and oblivion. So far Ziva had not shown any signs of waking up, even though the medication keeping her under had to be completely out of her system by now.

After four weeks when Miriam entered Ziva's room in the morning she was pleasantly surprised to see the chair next to Ziva's bed was now occupied instead of empty.

"Glad to see you are back" she said as a form of greeting. "By the looks of you I'd say you came straight from an airplane, no?" Seeing the affirmation in Liat's eyes without the young woman having to say anything. "Now that makes me think you are not simply here on orders as you proclaimed weeks ago are you dear?"

"No. Ziva is my friend. I only said that because I did not want her to be alone. She protected me all my life. Now it's my turn"

For a moment a peaceful silence swept over the two women. After a moment Miriam took up her tasks checking up on Ziva and changing the pillows around her to prevent sores.

"I had thought she would have woken up by now" Miriam having never heard the woman before her speak with such a small voice. Always speaking with authority that seemed to have left her right now.

With a smile and a squeeze to the woman's shoulder Miriam slipped in her nurse role. "Doctor Raviv is happy with the healing process so far. We have been slowly weaning Ziva off of the medication keeping her sedated. Ziva's body has sustained a lot of trauma, it needs to heal"

" When will she wake up?"

"She had been on only pain medication for the last week. No changes. The fact that Ziva has not woken up yet is because her own body is keeping her asleep. Now before I say this I want you to know that I have every fate in your friend that she will wake up but.... in some cases the body is not able to wake back up again. That is why we keep the ventilator on her. To try and make the process as easy on her body as we can make it, I am glad to report that her vital signs have been steady. The rest is up to Ziva herself. Her vital signs are strong."

It was the last thing Liat had wanted to hear. It seemed as if Ziva was not out of the danger zone yet. She might not wake up, her friend might be lost forever. When Miriam had left was when Liat finally let the tears she held onto for the last weeks fall. Since the death of her father and arrest of her mother she had not cried.

- -

Every moment she could spare she spent at Ziva's bedside. The upsides of her job was that between missions most time was spent either typing up reports of the mission, which she could do on her laptop at Ziva's bedside. Or keeping her training up. Every night she made sure to stay with Ziva, willing her to wake up. After four days it happened.

It was as if she was underwater, heavy, no light around her. Trying to swim to the surface seemed impossible. There were snippets of words of voices she heard. Her mind tried to make sense of it but being unable to do so. Keep trying, she tried to tell herself, try to surface. After what seemed like an eternity had passed she was finally able to will herself above the water. Her lids heavy as she opened her eyes. She felt someone grab her hand. Eyes not being able to focus. Being above water and not being able to breathe she started to stress. Her lungs begging for oxygen she thought she would get being above the water now.

"Miriam!" Liat yelled as she pressed the help button as soon as she saw Ziva open her eyes. Unfocussed eyes, even so she recognized the look in them. Ziva was scared the ventilator and heart monitor going crazy.

The calling of her name and the signal from the room had Miriam hasting to the room. Entering she saw why she was called. Ziva had woken up.

"It's okay, it's okay" she tried to sooth the woman freaking out in the bed. "Her body is fighting the ventilator, tripping it up, wanting to breathe on its own. She does not know what happened. I got the okay from doctor Raviv to take it out" she hastily said to Liat seeing her just as freaked out as Ziva.

"Okay, stay still, it will be okay in a second. Deep breath, one, two and cough" she told Ziva as she pulled the tube out of her. While Ziva was coughing an gasping for air she listened to her lungs. Luckily clear. She tested Ziva's eyes for responds with her penlight.

"It is okay, you are safe here. You were in a coma. Is okay." trying her best to calm and inform Ziva whom she saw had a slightly dazed look in her eyes. Grabbing both of her hands. "Can you squeeze my hands for me." Feeling Ziva squeeze back "good, good. Can you tell me your name?" The question seeming obvious but they needed to check her brain as fast as they could to exclude any brain damage.

Her voice barely there "Ziv"

"Good, good, can you tell me where you are? Do you remember"

"Hosp'l" Ziva answered

"yes, good. Now your throat and voice will feel strange for a while you have had a tube down your throat. If you have any pain you let us know." Turning to Liat "She is okay. Still a bit out of it but okay. She probably will be very tired, if so let her sleep, if you notice any signs of pain call me. Doctor Raviv will be by later today"

At those words Liat could finally relax. Ziva was awake. She was okay. Walking a couple of steps closer to where Ziva's head was. Placing her face directly in her line of sight. "hey, good to see you back Ziva"

With a slurred "Lia.." Liat saw Ziva's eyelids drop

"It's okay, you did good. Sleep Ziva"

- -

Ziva had slept for a couple of hours before waking up again. Seeming a little bit clearer then before but still not quite there. Liat had taken to softly speaking to her. Telling her again she was in the hospital in Israel. Filling the rest of the time with telling Ziva all about the country she had been in on her latest mission. Sensing talking took too much of the limited energy Ziva had at the moment. That was when doctor Raviv entered.

"Hello Ziva. It is good to see you awake. My name is Liana Raviv I am your doctor. I would like to do a couple of quick tests to see how you are" She repeated the same set of test Miriam had taken when Ziva had just woken up. "Very good. Everything is looking good. Are you in any pain"

"No" Ziva replied. Her voice still hoarse.

"If that changes let me or the nurses know. Try to rest as much as possible." Turning to Liat "When she is awake try to engage her." Back to Ziva "Now eating is not yet possible but drinking is. I'll have Miriam bring you some ice chips. Your friend will be able to help you. Let them melt in your mouth they will help with the soreness in your throat. For now rest. I will be back tomorrow."

When Liana got to the hall she heard someone behind her.

"Doctor Raviv? Why did you not tell her anything about her injuries?" Liat wanted to know.

"Ziva is too much out of it for now. Her body has had to sustain a lot. I would like her a lot more coherent before I start to explain anything to her. If we were to tell her now she either would not comprehend it and we'd have to explain it again or it could send her stress levels up. Something I'd rather avoid. Enjoy her being awake. Grant her a couple of days free of worry and hardship. She'll need those days once she is clear enough. As I told you before the road to recovery will not be an easy one."

- -

The rest of the day was spent between Ziva dozing off and Liat feeding her ice chips and reading. Liat only leaving for short periods when Ziva was sleeping to either go to the bathroom or grab a quick bite to eat.

That night Liat woke up several times due to Ziva. In her dreams see seemed to sometimes become distressed. Not knowing what she was dreaming about Liat did her best to sooth Ziva. Trying, as doctor Raviv said to keep her stress levels down.

Every now and then there was one word that was clear. "Tony" The name of her partner in America. Why was Ziva saying his name? She knew he was important to her. In their correspondence over the last couple of years all the names of members of her team were mentioned. None as much as Tony's name. Suspecting there had been going on something more than just a work relation Liat vowed to ask Ziva about it once she was better. Once the fog had cleared from her eyes and she was on her way to healing. For now the soft mumbling of "Tony" each time she finally calmed down was how Liat counted the time passing in the night.

- -

After his undercover mission was finally over they started to slowly go back to the friendship they had build in the summer that Gibbs was in Mexico. With no secrets left between them it left the way open to their hearts. As the months had passed they began to touch that delicate line between friendship and something more. The delicate balance that rule 12 prohibited them both from changing.

The night the team was split up they broke through the line drawn in the sand. Forgetting everything but them, letting their hearts not their minds speak. Ziva and Tony, not partners or work colleagues but them. That night Ziva had shown him just how deep her heart went. A long shot away from the cold emotionless assassin Abby once claimed her to be. She had been able to enter his heart. Not completely but enough to know that what he had felt for Jeanne had not been as strong as he once thought it had been. He had loved Jeanne, no doubt about it. But there had always been a slight divide between them caused by the fact that he knew she was an assignment. Things with Ziva were different. She was no assignment, nor he to her. That night, bared to her soul in his arms he saw what they could become given the chance. Seeing the way they fit perfectly together. That was why he made her promise to come back. And with the promise of someday getting the chance Tony made her promise one thing more.

"Keep in contact?" "I might not be able to. I do not know what my father has planned once I get back to Israel. I could be out on missions for days, weeks at a time. The details of where I am going or what I am doing I cannot share with you."

"I don't care about those details"

" I also fear what my father will do should he find out something is happening. He may not let me return."

"Even if it's just one line telling me you have to go away on a mission and one when you get back. I need to know you are safe Ziva" Pleading and begging with her. "Please?"

"Okay. In return you need to promise me not to try and contact me at all. No phone calls, no emails, do not respond to my messages." It had pained him to do so but he understood where she was coming from. She felt to uneasy about what her father would do should he find out her allegiance wasn't to him anymore. And so he whispered a yes into the skin of her shoulder. " I will keep in contact" she promised him

The last promise she made him and the first she seemed to have broken. It had been weeks since that night. Now stuck in his tiny little room on that damned ship he checked his email once again. Empty. Empty of the messages he hoped to receive. While Abby send him seemingly mail after mail and he kept in somewhat close contact with McGee to not go crazy nothing from Ziva. The last message he had received from her was a short email. Only 3 lines.

'The flight has gone well. No orders yet. Meeting a friend tomorrow'

That email he had not received until it had already been a week old. Having some start up trouble with his connection while out at sea. He had known before she had spoken of her fears to not reveal too much. He hoped once she settled in she'd find a way to tell him more. To talk to each other any way possible. He had typed up reply after reply to her without actually sending them, he would not go back on his promise. Until this day she still had not made any other form of contact. Hoping that she had suddenly been sent out on a mission unable to sent him even the shortest of messages. If he clung onto that hope he could silence the fear inside of him that whispered something must have happened. Ziva never broke her promises.

Picking up his pen again and starting the newest letter to Ziva kept repeating in his head. Ziva never breaks her promises. Never.

- -   

The next day was spent much like the last. Ziva still in her post coma fog was only sporadically awake.  The time she was awake Liat tried to keep her mind occupied, talking about everything and nothing. Sharing silly memories from their younger years. Hearing Ziva starting to slur her words each time before succumbing to sleep once more. Over all it was a good day. Ziva was awake, for now it was peaceful. Nurses, Liat and doctor Raviv thinking this state would last a couple of days.

- -

When the morning had come it became clear that wanting a couple of days of peace for Ziva was not in the cards. No matter how much Liat and doctor Raviv hoped. While Liat had been eating her breakfast next to Ziva. Looking over at her it was visible she was deep in her thoughts. After finishing and throwing away the waste Ziva turned her head to look at Liat.

A voice still hoarse despite all the ice chips "Liat, what happened?"

How much Liat had dreaded that question, hoping Ziva would stay in the unknown a little bit longer.

"You were in an accident. We were suppose to meet when, there was a drive by. You pushed a girl out of the way, saved her, but you were hit by the car. You were unconscious when I got near you"

Eyebrows close together Ziva was pondering the answer she got from Liat. "Why can't I feel my legs?"

In silence the two women looked at each other. The first question Liat had dreaded, the second one she had prayed she would never hear Ziva ask. Knowing what it probably meant.

"I think I better call for doctor Raviv. She can explain it better than I can. I'll be right back"

Straightened shoulders and strong steps was how Liat neared the nurses' station, finding Miriam quick enough.

"She's asking. She wants to know."

"This soon?" a deep breath "I'll inform doctor Raviv. She'll be with you shortly"

Back in Ziva's room she told Ziva that the doctor would be by as soon as she could. Sensing Ziva wanted to keep asking questions Liat took up her reading. Sending a clear message that Ziva would not be getting any answers from her.

A knock on the door, the doctor entered.

"Ziva, good to see you more alert than yesterday. Do you remember who I am?"

Nodding was enough of a reply for Liana. Everyone who was involved in the care for Ziva had hoped the woman stayed in her post coma fog a little longer. "Now I've heard you have some questions. First please answer me, how are you feeling?"

"Okay I think. I feel tightness here" gesturing vaguely at the area of her torso where the brace was. "sore" 

"Do you know how you got here?"

Again nodding "Liat told me. Accident."

"You don't remember yourself?"

"Maybe. It is foggy" Ziva replied, not sure what she actually remembered or what her mind had filled in with what Liat had told her. "Why can't I move my legs?"

The doctor then explained everything that happened the last couple of weeks. From what happened when Ziva was just brought in, to the coma and the external fixator.

"I need to see. Let me see" Raising the upper part of the bed slightly so Ziva could see Liana gently removed the sheet that now covered Ziva's midsection. A sharp breath in and eyes watering was Ziva's reaction at what she saw "It looks extreme, maybe a bit terrifying, but I promise you it's not. It's to help you heal, it will come off once your pelvis is healed enough" the doctor said as she put the sheet back and lowered Ziva down again.

"Is that why I cannot move my legs?"

"Maybe. I want to do a quick test before I explain the rest okay?" Walking to Ziva's feet and lifting the sheets Liana took a pen en held it near Ziva's right foot. "You tell me when you feel anything"

Going up first her right leg and then her left all the way to her hips and midsection as best she could. On both sides it was not until the upperparts of her hips that Ziva gave any indication of feeling.

"Listen, Ziva. What I have to explain will be hard to hear. If at any point you want me to stop you say so." She motioned Liat closer in support of her friend. "The collision caused the pelvic fracture but also caused a fracture in your vertebrae. Your back was broken. Next to the external fixator for your pelvic bone you were also fitted in a brace to keep your spine well aligned to heal. The test I just did confirmed our suspicion. The trauma to your spine was severe enough to cause paralysis. As far as we can tell now the paralysis starts at the broken vertebrae"

The tear Ziva had gotten in her eyes when seeing the external fixator but ebbed away now came back. Still strong enough not to let them fall Ziva spoke "I will not be walking out of here, am I?"

"I am sorry Ziva but no. You may get some feeling and movement back in your legs, with time and rehabilitation, but not complete load bearing and walking. For now I will let all this information sink in. If you have any questions have Miriam get me." With that the doctor left again. It was always hard to have to tell patients there lives were forever changed.

"Please, I want to be alone Liat" The request was full of sorrow.

 Wanting nothing more than to comfort her friend but also knowing that Ziva liked to retreat in on herself when pain came to close Liat kissed her forehead and whispered. "I'll be back"

Barely out of the door Liat could hear the sobs coming from the room.

Pain tore at her insides when she was alone. The tears she had been able to keep inside rolled out. For the first time in years Ziva let herself hurt. Her life had been changed. She would never walk again, run again. With the word paralysis she knew what was in store for her. Life bound to a wheelchair. Why had this happened?

- -

Having been called two day ago his daughter had apparently woken from her coma Eli had not yet had time to go down to the hospital to see her. That morning he had not thought today would be the day that morning when he got in his secretary informed him that his midday appointment with the prime minister had been moved to another day. Clearing his schedule until late afternoon. Never one to waste time he had decided that after his lunch he would go to the hospital. First stopping and demanding to speak to a doctor before he even questioned to what room he should go to visit his daughter.

Barely had the tears stopped and her body stopped shaking or the door to Ziva's room was opened. Thinking it was Liat or one of the nurses again she prepared herself to tell them she wanted to be alone. The visitor that stood in the doorway was the last one she excepted to see.

"Abba?" Relief bloomed in her chest. Her father had come. At that moment she wanted nothing more than to feel his arms wrap around her and hold her close. Telling her everything would be okay, humming one of his favorite songs in her ear to calm her down. Just as he had done when she was little, before her mother died. The comfort only a parent could give.

He barely set a step inside of her room. Without realizing she had done so Ziva had lifted her arms as much as she could. With her muscles being unused the past nearly five weeks and the pressure from her spine they did not raise far. Only her underarms raised up, silently begging Eli to close the distance between them.

"So it is true what the doctor told me" Eli said looking down at the broken form before him. Her arms falling down beside her body again but not answering him.

When he looked at her he no longer saw his daughter or a capable officer. A broken shell was all there was left. Paralyzed the doctor had told him, assuring him that it did not mean his daughter could not have a fulfilling life anymore. Just a new kind of normal. Seeing it the same way as the doctor he did not. She could no longer walk or run, the rods coming from her midsection displaying her vulnerability. Just as a wheelchair would do, a big sign to show the disgrace of a life no longer whole. He lost his sharp end of the spear. Her use to him forever nullified. All because she had forgotten the training he had given her, acting out of emotion instead of thinking rationally and going after the shooters not a bystander.

"Paralyzed. Worthless. Useless. " He muttered but he might as well have yelled it at Ziva for she heard each syllable. Felling as if they were cut into her heart. Feeling already emotionally spent she could not keep the tears from her eyes.

 The first one already rolling down her cheek as she begged again "Abba, please?"

His daughter was dead, there was nothing in this room. With that last thought he turned around and started walking out of the room, out of the hall and so the hospital.

The moment her father turned was when the last bit of Ziva seemed to break. Breath picking up, tears starting to spill out. "Abba! Please!" she yelled with everything she had in her. Not wanting him to leave, she needed him, she needed her father. Without thinking she tried to go after him. Trying to swing her upper body up with the help of her arms. Muscles not cooperating the only thing she succeeded in was half turning her body and hitting the metal around her hips. Pain shot through her no longer knowing where the pain in her heart stopped and the pain in her body began. Sobs tore through her body, heart rate picking up setting of all kinds of alarms.

Miriam rushed into her room, not knowing what had happened but seeing the distress and pain Ziva was in. Ziva did not even seem to take of Miriam being in the room. Trapped in a loop in her mind where Eli's words kept repeating themselves. Worthless, useless. Then suddenly darkness came around her, her body stilling, her mind going underwater again. Away from pain.

Tagglist: @benedettabeby@happygirl-0408@tivafanfic@loudlooks@hopeless-nostalgiac@mrsmungus@and-he-will@kmpotter4140@litningmyway@koogamy@oceangirl24@danceswithdarkspawn@irish-trish@residentdormouse@munstysmind@lovelyme12m@tonysziva@artemisscabin@television-overload@tiva2023vibes@tivancis@ncisfanatics@tonyandzivauk@tonylovesziva@tony-love-ziva@tonyandzivamakestiva-blog@missbuckynat@zivaninja@do-it-for-the-fandom@ztarlucy@take-it-on-the-run@stonetee@mackidockie@chenfordsrollisi@fairy-tales-of-yesterday

[iviarellereads]

Nona the Ninth, John 1:20(1)

(Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For detail on The Locked Tomb coverage and the index, read this one!)

(No icon) In which someone murdering one of their best friends is still not the most horrifying part of the chapter.

In the dream they go through long corridors, seeing furniture, stones, bodies, bones, little round pockmarks of bulletholes in the walls, relics of the fighting.(2) Eventually he animates some of the bones to clear the path for them, and continues his story.

They couldn't get into political conferences anymore, but the president puppet he controlled was still invited, so John got in for free by proxy. Nobody even argued about the FTL plan anymore. They only argued about what to do with John's crew. He found it funny when he had to puppet the president into speeches about how he should be brought to justice.

What he did mind was the state of the first-wave evacuee ships. None of the reports about them passed the smell test. They'd thought the worst the trillionaires would do was set up a pay-for-preference system, so the richest would leave first, with others on future waves, but that turned out to be so naive. One day, M- came to him, looking like she'd seen a ghost. She and A-'s little brother and the nun had been going over bank movements and manifests.

She said, there was no queue, no second or third wave. Half the passengers on the manifests weren't real people. There was one ship of internationals, and everyone else would have bought a ticket, or been "useful".(3) The rest of humanity was being left to die.

I had to have her breathe into a bag for a while, because she hated it when I tried to fix her anxiety attacks with necromancy. When she could talk I was just all, Are you sure. She said, John, there they go!! And I said, Not as long as I have breath in my body.

In the dream-present, the skeletons have opened an entryway, leading to another wrecked room he identifies as the kitchen. He finds cans in the cupboards, and modifies one of the skeletons to have a can opener for fingerbones. Together, he and she eat slippery sugary peach halves with their fingers, and she feels a little better.(4)

The last chance they had was to talk to their government, which was a mistake. They spooked someone, who told someone else, who told the FTL project, who accelerated the timeline to days, not weeks. John was going to have to physically stop the ships from launching, but with so many platforms, he wasn't sure he could catch them all.

C- asked if he could do some sort of miracle in good faith. A- suggested rushing the ships and pulling the occupants out to force the cryo plan instead.

John, meanwhile, was trying so hard to crack the problem of the soul. He couldn't distinguish it from the rest of the energy in the body, not even on the day he'd killed all those people. He could tell it was big, and it was what he was looking for, but not how to use it.

So I said to everyone, I can’t stop them myself, not yet. We have to stall them. We know they need Pan-Euro’s orbital gate access, so let’s make sure they can’t get it. Let’s make sure nobody wants to give them orbital gate access. He said, And all of us looked at the floorboards.

None of them really wanted to use the nuke, but it was good blackmail against the people who had given it to them. So, they went to their clients, and said, Pan-Euro can't give the trillionaires access, they're cutting and running and leaving everyone else to drown. The clients said, fine, but give us back the nuke first so you don't do something crazy.

It took so long, the FTL had started counting down to launch. When a couple of nations asked what the rush was, the project said they were doing a mock run to make sure it's all in order, since prep went so well. John wondered how anyone bought it, and who got paid how much of the money that the trillionaires obviously thought wasn't worth anything anymore, tied to the homeworld as it was.

He said, So here’s us, planning to meet these agents in neutral territory, across the ditch,(5) over in the huddle where the Territory refugees were. They wanted us to pass the nuke back. We all voted to trust them, but A— and G— and M— and I came up with a just-in-case plan. Forty-eight hours became twenty-four so quickly. G— fixed up the case and carried it over alone, with caveats. Nobody liked that. They were all, Shit, John, send someone dead, send a puppet. But I wanted G—.(6) P— volunteered to go with him, but G— said he wouldn’t arm it if P— was in range. P— went off at him, but it was one of those times where he held his ground against her. I remember. She called him a stupid kid.

John had an odd gut feeling before G- got on the plane, so he took him downstairs, and took his arm off, totally painlessly, and regrew him a new one with magic. G- didn't even question it.

He added contemplatively, Should still be around here. The arm, I mean. I stuffed it in the morgue so nobody would find it. I’ve got plans for that arm.(7)

While they waited, the nun kept pushing him about the soul, as if trying to get him to "instantiate the Trinity"(8) and save everyone. Suddenly, C- admitted she was dating N-, and everyone said they'd known for a year, and they had a nun, why not get married here, at the end of all things. N- said that wouldn't be legal, C- said what does it matter. In the dream, he points at the corner where they got married. He made flowers grow for them, but they were weird, and some of the roses had teeth. The brides thought it was hilarious though.(9)

When G- landed and got to the meetup, John informed the crew that G- was a deadman's switch. Everyone lost their minds at him.

I said to them, You think they weren’t just going to shoot him first thing? You think there aren’t six snipers with beads on G—right now? But they weren’t only aggro about G—, they were aggro that a nuke might go off and kill a couple million people. I was like, Guys, it’s fine, they’re Australian. He said, Wow. Talk about jokes with no hope of landing.

The clients, on the other hand, stayed cool and said they wouldn't talk to John until the nuke was disarmed. They weren't even at the meetup, either, they said, so who would he really be hurting? He'd thought of that, of course.

I said, Yes. On that note, do you remember the dead guy you’ve mocked up to look alive, the one who still has executive power over your own nuclear codes, who you gave me total access to?

John had got him into position, with the codes, and made sure nobody around the puppet could stop him. He told the clients they had thirty minutes to stop Pan-Euro letting their gates open for the ships. The clients think he's bluffing, but he says he'd do anything, wouldn't he? He quotes another cow fact.(10)

John's own people were angry with him, too, on the whole. C-, N-, and P- were all having a go at him, A-'s brother and the nun were trying to mediate. Only A- and M- were really on his side, and it was more "we can still save this, walk it back" than really backing him up.

N- said this was going to end with killing millions of people for nothing, this isn't the saving the world that the crew signed on for. He said this is how they would save the world. She said he cares more about punishing people than being a saviour, and be can be "appallingly vindictive".(11)

Worse, they had cultists inside and outside the cow wall, and some of them flipped sides and surrounded them with guns. This is how all the barricades, all the bodies, all the bulletholes were formed. A- thought they'd sold out, but John thought it was more about internal doubt. He wondered if he'd lost some of his friends, too.

The confrontation went down, inside and outside the cow wall. He was still in touch with G- the whole time, and he was holding up pretty well. But, John had a lot to focus on, with him, and the fighting, and the dead politician.

He lost his nerve, and locked himself in a room with Ulysses and Titania because they wouldn't argue with him.

In the dream-present, he leads her out of the kitchen, down to another place, where a body in brown clothes looks awful, and he looks anywhere but at it, but he continues the story here anyway.

M- and her nun yelled at him through the door about not pushing buttons, until M- gave up and went away. The last hour was almost up.

It was only a matter of time before someone I loved caught a bullet that I couldn’t bring them back from.(12) I needed to do something. I couldn’t do anything.

Eventually, it was the nun who turned things around. She asked how he was doing with the soul, he said poorly. After a five minute pause, the nun said she thought she could help, but he had to let her in. He did, and she'd brought P-'s gun.

Standing in the hall, in the dream-present, she recognizes the body. He tells her that's not what she looked like.

At first, he thought the nun was there to kill him, but she said that in trying times it's common to push yourself away from God, but she knows John could do this, if he concentrated. Then she prayed, and she shot herself. He saw the soul hanging there for a second, and with the thanergy conversion, he could see it, could finally conceive of what he was missing. If he could control it, he could remove the bullet from her brain and glue the soul back in.

He said, But I held her soul in my hands and I knew why it had been so hard, because I was tuned in. I was looking at the code. I knew why I hadn’t been able to see anything. He said, When I touched her soul, I touched you. He said, You were the noise that was everywhere. It was like trying to talk to someone down a phone line with someone screaming through a megaphone in the same room. You drowned everything out. You were so huge and so complicated, and you were screaming. You wouldn’t stop screaming. You were so scared. You were so goddamn mad.(13) She said, “I was?” He said, “It wasn’t your fault.”

He realized he wasn't holding two nukes, he was holding three, and compared to her, "the other two were birthday candles."

He left the nun in the bedroom, dead. He didn't even take Ulysses and Titania. While he'd been locked in, some of the faithful had also turned, when the others accused him of "plotting nuclear war or something else wildly unfair." In the kitchen, everyone was just taking turns shooting each other, and they didn't even notice him come back.

Some of the memory gets fuzzy there, barricading with A- and M-, and them being shot in front of him.

He stood there and he said: “Do you remember what I said was coming?” She said, “Yes.” He said, “This is the part where I hurt you. Are you ready?”(14) She said, “Yes.”

He wanted her to stop screaming, he wanted her, "like a caveman wants a wildfire". He reached out and hurt her, but he wasn't strong enough to finish the job. He felt P- die. G- was the last one left alive, until John stopped his heart.

He paused and said, I’m still sorry it was Melbourne, honestly. Love a working tram service.(15)

In the dream-present, he walks back to the kitchen, abruptly.

He knew the nuke hurt her. He ate every death, and he let go the puppet's nuke codes as well, and thousands of missiles and other nukes were launched in response.

He said, First, I became a demigod. I nearly fell out of my body. I put my hand around half the world’s throats. [...] I drank them in, and it wasn’t enough. I needed those ships. I needed to extend my hand. I got it around the throat of the other half. I made them go away too. Then I had control of everything on the surface, but not the ships … birds flying above the fire … kids playing keep-away. He said, I put my hands around your neck. He said, I cupped your soul in my hands. He said, I took you into myself and we became one.(16)

Well, he started to, but there was so much of her. He dropped to his knees, ate dirt until he vomited, until he realized she was too much. This was the hardest part: the human instinct is to take into yourself, and that wouldn't do.

I needed a house to put you in, if I wasn’t going to put all of you in me. I made you one on the fly … I wasn’t even thinking … I ripped half my ribs from my body and made you from the dirt, my blood, my vomit, my bone. He said, I wanted to make you the most beautiful body I could think of.

Here, he notes that he was stressed out and absolutely insane at this point. He was barely himself at all, but he recalled that his Nana had some of his mother's toys at her house, and his favourite of them…

He gave a long, shuddering sigh. “My favourite was her old Hollywood Hair Barbie,”(17) he murmured

He made for her a body, the best he was equipped to form out of his own flesh. He remade them both, putting part of himself in her and part of her in himself. Together, he became like unto God.

But it wasn't enough to stop the ships.

He said, I bit through the sun first. It’s human nature. That started things going. Once you take down the sun, you’re cooking with gas, pardon the pun.

He killed the planets, with her help, even Pluto, and every satellite and craft that was still in-system. But in the end, he could only reach one of the ships, and for a moment, he and she held it in their hand, and he felt their terror. Then they were gone, out of his reach, lost forever because he hesitated.

He said, lightly— “That’s it. That’s the story. That’s what I did.” “Oh,” she said. Then he said— “Do you remember what you said to me once I had done it? When we stood here together?” She looked at him and she said, “Yes.” He said— “You said, ‘I picked you to change, and this is how you repay me?’”(18) She said— “What else did I say?” He said: “You said, ‘What have you done to me? I am a hideousness.’”(19) She said— “What else did I say?” He said, “Where did you put the people? Where did they go?” She said, “I still love you.”(20) He said, “You said that too.”

=====

(1) John 1:20 reads "And he confessed, and did not deny: and he confessed: I am not the Christ." This is supposedly John himself, admitting that he is only repeating the word of the man he believed to be God. Not all of the verses have directly parallelled their respective parts of Jod's story, but some of them just punch right at the core. The fact that Muir was able to synchronize this with the A1Z26 being meaningful, so closely that so many of the verses match their chapters' contents… this is god-tier, Homestuck reference fully intended. Speaking of letterizing the numbers, this nearly completes our message: THE TOWER IS REACTIVAT-. We just saw another mention of a tower last chapter, from Varun. What does it all mean? (2) I think it's worth thinking, here, about the truth of this presentation. It aligns with some of what we have been told is true, and it aligns with some of what we may assume is likely to be true. Is this really just John's idea of what it would look like if the ocean drained around his first bunker? Is it what it actually would look like, or have looked like some weeks or months afterward? Is any of this real? (3) If that word doesn't send a shiver down your spine… (4) I'm so fascinated at how Harrow(?) reacts throughout these sequences that happen in Nona's dreams. How she feels, tied to John even here. (5) At a guess, given context, I'm assuming this is NZ slang for the waters between their islands and Australia. (6) Why did he want G- specifically? Did he want a martyr for his cause? Did he think his reaction times might be subpar in a puppet? (7) What plans could he have for his best friend's arm?! Honestly, folks, the questions this series has left open… (8) Instantiate is hard to describe, but by understanding the three parts of the body (bone, flesh, spirit?) or perhaps the three forms of energy (thanergy, thalergy, soul?), or some other trio of concepts to do with the necromancy, the nun seems to have thought John could become as Jesus, become as God, with ultimate power. Christianity trains you into threes with its Trinity, you see. (9) Sometimes your life is so absurd all you can do is laugh and accept that it is what it is. Especially when the roses grow teeth, I guess.

(10) Most of the time, the cow facts have been things others have used against John in this story. How interesting that now, when he needs to prove how badass he is, how absolutely without limit he is, he quotes one back at them. Cows exhibit mourning behaviour, and I killed them, didn't I? (11) Ain't that a fact, mister "ten thousand years seeking revenge for the moment being described in this chapter". Interesting that he admits it here. (12) Ironic that he said this right before someone did. (13) Of course the Earth was mad. Of course they're screaming at us, in their own way, for what we and our ancestors have been doing to them for these last two hundred years or so, or perhaps the last several myriads of years from a certain perspective. Our lack of stewardship, as a species, over the lands we ought to know better about maintaining. It's the fault of those in power, not those on the ground, but nevertheless. (14) Sweet of him to make sure she still consents to hear the story. (15) John, you absolute goddamn asshole (fond). (16) Lyctorhood is a pale imitation of the first conversion at the Resurrection. (17) If you've ever seen Locked Tomb fans screaming at the Barbie Movie hype or Barbies in general, or a long-limbed blonde with a sword and chains, this here is why. (18) He was chosen, among all the humans on the Earth, he was chosen particularly. Why would she choose him? Just a normal guy? (19) Imagine being a whole damn planet and being stuffed into a Barbie-shaped flesh suit. How horrified must she have felt? (20) But still, her love is unconditional. She loved every one of them, and she loved him, and she loves him still though perhaps... just perhaps... she's still not entirely sure what that word means. And Nona still loves us all, because Alecto once loved us all.

[breelandwalker]

Willow Wings Witch Shop - New Items

So after I get my car fixed, my next goal is to add some new stuff to the shop.

I've found a new sticker supplier and I'll be putting in a test order next month, so there will be at least one new design AND the new stickers will be waterproof vinyl instead of the glossy paper I'd been getting previously. The cost is much better for my budget and the ordering process is simpler, so if all goes well, I'm hoping to add more designs and maybe even bumper stickers!

The Mini Witchcraft Starter Kits have been selling much better, so I'll be adding some new options for those as well. Thus far, I've been using a pretty standard 7-color set for the candles (ROYGBVP plus B&W) and a 10-color set for the notebooks. I'm hoping to add some new candle colors, maybe make some plain black-and-white kits, and possibly start adding stickers as a bonus item instead of pins to reduce component costs.

I'm also looking into acquiring some additional herbs for the kits. Currently, I'm working with a selection of things that I've been able to get in bulk easily, but I want to make sure that I include things that are useful but can't be found at the supermarket, like white oak, willow bark, and angelica root. Still working on this one.

I had considered added sachets or incense matches to the kits, but this would increase the price of the kits and $10 is a nice round number. Plus, not everyone likes incense and I don't want to put off my customers with scent sensitivity or allergies. (I had considered the idea of making more deluxe kits with more components, but I tried that before they didn't sell at ALL, even at live markets.)

The Witch Web Kits have been doing pretty well and I'm looking to get new colors for those as well, so that I can let customers request their favorite with their orders. I'm also thinking of doing special kits with metallic or glow-in-the-dark floss. (Yes, that exists and it's AMAZING.) Those kits might be a dollar more in cost or only have one skein in addition to the standard B&W since the special floss costs more.

So that's the plan for the foreseeable future. The shop is staying on Wordpress for the time being, since moving elsewhere or adding a cart widget has thus far proven cost-prohibitive. I'm also trying to make more time to work on the second volume of the Grimmoire that I've been promising for like four years now, so building a website is taking a back seat. (I may be slowing down on the podcast if I need to, but that's not a today problem.)

Thank you for all your support and patronage thus far! If anyone has questions, please feel free to hop in the comments.

[sosamerrill1]

Backup Wii Games - What You've To Know

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[f1]

McLaren to introduce fundamental redesign of car over next three races | 2023 Canadian Grand Prix

McLaren plan to completely overhaul the design of their MCL60 with a series of upgrades which they will introduce over the next three races. The team has suffered a poor start to the 2023 season and has scored only 17 points so far, 42 less than they had at the same stage last year. Andrea Stella, who took over as team principal during the winter, is making major changes to the team’s engineering division following the ousting of technical director James Key. Stella said yesterday the team is now planning an extensive overhaul of its under-performing car. The first batch of parts will be introduced during the next round at the Red Bull Ring, which is the second sprint event of the year, leaving them only a single hour of practice to evaluate them before the competitive sessions begin. Further parts will be introduced in the British Grand Prix at Silverstone and the Hungarian Grand Prix at the Hungaroring. Stella said the revisions will constitute a “major overhaul of the car” in order to address the problems they have observed since the beginning of the season. “Relatively soon after the start of the season we realised that the car needed a fundamental redesign,” he explained. “So this redesign is actually [involving] I would say pretty much every single aerodynamic part. “That’s why the upgrades will be spread over the course of a few races. It will be decently noticeable. We had to redesign even some parts under the bodywork, that’s also why it took some time to be in condition to deliver these upgrades. So I would say pretty much the entire car.” McLaren have struggled with poor straight-line speed and cornering performance in all but the very quickest turns. Stella is confident the revisions will work as intended. Advert | Become a RaceFans supporter and go ad-free “We haven’t tested them in the simulator yet but they just pretty much deliver more downforce with similar characteristics,” he said. “So the key point is whether they will correlate trackside, but I think correlation so far has been good. “I think with this generation of cars in general, correlation with development tools is good. So we expect a few tenths of a second of lap time improvement, we will see.” McLaren have brought a lower-drag rear wing for this weekend’s race at the Circuit Gilles Villeneuve, but expect the track will suit them less well than the previous venue did. “Here we only have a rear wing which is the version that is most suitable for the level of drag that you adopt at this track,” said Stella. “In terms of Canada, we definitely prefer the characteristics of Barcelona because the car is strong in high speed corners. Here we have no high-speed corners, quite a lot of low-speed traction so it could be a bit of a struggle. We would certainly welcome some [rain].” Bringing the F1 news from the source RaceFans strives to bring its readers news directly from the key players in Formula 1. We are able to do this thanks in part to the generous backing of our RaceFans Supporters. By contributing £1 per month or £12 per year (or the equivalent in other currencies) you can help cover the costs involved in producing original journalism: Travelling, writing, creating, hosting, contacting and developing. We have been proudly supported by our readers for over 10 years. If you enjoy our independent coverage, please consider becoming a RaceFans Supporter today. As a bonus, all our Supporters can also browse the site ad-free. Sign up or find out more via the links below: Advert | Become a RaceFans supporter and go ad-free 2023 Canadian Grand Prix Browse all 2023 Canadian Grand Prix articles via RaceFans - Independent Motorsport Coverage https://www.racefans.net/

[yourcoolstudentwolfworld]

What You Should Know Before Playing the Slot Machine at Casino

Before you play the slot machine at a casino, you should know a few tips to make sure you play it in the best way. Learn about Game cycle, Random number generator, Maximum payouts and Minimum bets. It is important to know these things because they will determine how much money you can win.

Game cycle

A game cycle is the pattern of wins and losses experienced by a slot machine. Generally, a slot machine has hot cycles when it pays out regularly and cold cycles when it doesn't. However, there are times when the machine seems to be running hot or cold, regardless of whether it has a good or bad streak. In order to understand the game cycle, you have to understand how the probability of winning or losing is determined.

If a slot machine has many stops per reel, it means that it is not random, but rather based on a mathematical algorithm. It must pay back a certain percentage of money played. A lucky player may win more than one bonus round in a row. These players are able to win 5,000 or even 10,000 coins. However, there is a certain limit to how many games must occur between each bonus release.

While the outcome of a slot machine is predetermined, skill-based machines are also beginning to appear in casinos. A test of skill-based slots can be an excellent way to understand the game cycle. By understanding the game cycle of a slot machine, you can determine what to bet on it and how much to stake on it. This way, you can get a positive mathematical expectation of winning.

The game cycle of a slot machine at a casino consists of a series of wins and losses. A win on a slot machine will usually be followed by a long losing streak. Bonus rounds will also only come along twice or three times in a long time, so it is possible to lose a large amount of money in a short time.

Random number generator

Random number generators are the basis for slot machine payouts. These devices generate billions of numbers each second. Therefore, the results are truly random, and it is impossible to predict the outcome of a slot machine. While players have developed their own superstitions about the randomness of slot machines, it is impossible to predict the outcome of any game.

Although the RNG in a slot machine can be complicated to decipher, it is not impossible to hack it. All you need is some kind of software. Usually, you'll find online slot software. These programs are free and can be installed in almost any casino. They also come with tutorials on how to use them.

The main function of the random number generator in a slot machine is to ensure that the game runs as expected. The generator maps numbers to specific outcomes within the machine, which could be reel strips or entire outcomes. In some games, the number generator may even map millions of numbers. If a person had inside knowledge about winning numbers, it would be considered cheating.

The random number generator in a slot machine is a software that determines the outcome of spins. This software is unbiased and extremely accurate. The slot machine microprocessor operates on a special program to generate the random numbers for the game. The random number generators are a lot like the microprocessor in your home computer, and use a special algorithm to generate random numbers for each spin.

Maximum payouts

In casinos, maximum payouts on slot machines vary widely. The best payouts can be achieved by betting maximum coins on mechanical-reel slots without pure multiplier pay tables. Players should remember that this strategy does not necessarily mean that the house edge will decrease. Instead, it means that you will maximize the chances of hitting a large win, while also acknowledging that losing sessions are part of the game. For three-reel games, the most common incentive to bet maximum is the disproportionate jump in the top jackpot.

A software engineer once won almost $40 million on a slot machine in Las Vegas. The payout was 3.9 million times more than he had initially bet, and it helped him cover the costs of his flight home. Before this payout, the record for the biggest slot machine payout in Las Vegas was held by Cynthia Jay-Brennan, who won almost $35 million while playing a Megabucks machine at the Desert Inn.

Slot machines are not legally required to pay jackpots, but they must have some way to trigger it. This is what is known as the "handpay limit," and many slot machines are not built with that feature. As a result, a high handpay limit is not always the most lucrative option.

Minimum bets

The minimum bet at a casino is the amount of money a player can bet per spin. This is helpful for players who are playing with a limited bankroll. It allows you to spread your money out over more spins. The cost per spin is determined by the coin value and the number of paylines. However, this can vary depending on your bankroll and other factors.

Choosing the minimum and maximum bet is essential if you want to maximize your chances of winning. Different slot machines have different minimum bets. For example, nickel machines may have higher minimum bets than penny machines. It is important to understand the difference between the two before you start playing.

If you are playing the minimum bet at a casino, it is possible to extend your bankroll by playing fewer spins. While you may not win the jackpot, you can still have a great time with a smaller bankroll. Many slot machine enthusiasts seek to play in an entertaining environment without blowing their bankroll.

Generally, a minimum bet on slot machines at a casino should be no less than two credits. The lower minimum bet will give you more time to determine if the machine is a good choice. You should also read the paytable before you start playing. Those who don't take the time to read the paytable are giving the casino an unfair advantage.

How to read a paytable

Learning how to read a paytable is an essential part of winning when playing slots. The paytable will tell you the rules of the game, including the minimum and maximum prizes, bonus features, and how much you must bet to win. It is usually located on the side of the slot machine or on a separate screen. A paytable can be found on traditional slot machines, while online games have them on a separate screen or as icons on the screen.

A paytable is essential for understanding the rules of a slot machine, as it tells you when to expect a winning combination on a payline. The paytables can vary from machine to machine, but are generally categorized by theme. To win a jackpot, 3 or more symbols must appear on a payline, either horizontally or vertically.

Paytables come in a variety of styles, from simple and easy to read to those with more elaborate layouts. Pay tables are often accompanied by illustrations, so that players can quickly access important information. In video slots, the paytable can be displayed on multiple pages and is interactive.

A paytable is an essential part of understanding how to play slots in a casino. Understanding how to read a paytable can help you choose the best slot machine to play. If you do not like what you see, you can always leave the machine and play a different one. By reading the paytable, you'll be able to determine how much to bet and how many lines to use. The more paylines you have, the better.

Changing the payout percentage

Changing the payout percentage on a slot machine at a casino is not illegal. However, casinos must follow certain rules in order to change it. First, the casino must get permission to change the payout percentage on any slot machine. They must also ensure that the changes are fair for all players. This is because the payout percentages are usually programmed with specific odds. For example, a jackpot may be hit after 500k spins, while another jackpot might be hit after two million. The casinos are also supposed to change the payout percentage at different times of day. The theory behind changing payout percentages is to encourage more people to play during busy hours, such as the late afternoon or evening.

One way to change the payout percentage of a slot machine is to download software that allows the casino to change the RTP of the machine. However, there are a number of rules that must be followed by casinos in Nevada. For example, if the casino changes the RTP of a machine, it must wait a certain period of time before changing the payout percentage. Therefore, changing the payout percentage is not an easy task.

The payout percentage of a slot machine is not always regulated by the casino. It is up to the casino to inform the proper authorities of any change. It is also not legal for casinos to change the payout percentage of a machine while someone is playing. This is especially true if the casino makes the change during weekends.

[panergy888]

15 Tips for Budget-friendly Camping - Panergy

CAMPING ON A BUDGET

Though camping doesn’t have to be expensive, it is important to note that it is not entirely free. You will need some gear, food to eat, and a reserved camping spot, but those costs can be minimal when done the right way.

Here are ways to cut back on expenses so you can get out and enjoy the outdoors without worries.

1. BORROW CAMPING GEAR

If you’re new to camping and want to test the waters before you think about buying your own gear, borrowing camping gear from friends is a great option. This is also the way to go if you already know that you love camping, but just don’t have the money to drop on everything you need. Just be sure to always return the camping gear in as good of shape as it was when your friend lent it to you.

2. BUY A LITTLE AT A TIME

If camping is something you envision yourself doing for many years to come, then there is no need to buy everything in one year. Instead, start with the basics: a tent, sleeping bags, and a cooler, and then wait until next year to buy, say, a sleeping pad and a portable stove. Each year you can make your camping experience a bit more luxurious without feeling like every dollar you’re making goes right into camping gear.

3. BUY SECOND-HAND GEAR

The amount of new camping gear and gadgets coming out every year is incredible. It’s one of the things we love about this industry because there is always something new and exciting to try out that makes camping that much more enjoyable.

However, if you are looking to camp on a budget, then you can take advantage of those new gear releases in a different way. As the new things come out, the old things are often discounted or campers get rid of their old items in order to make way for the new and take them to second-hand shops. So, you can look for sales in stores on last year’s items, or you can make a day of thrifting to find camping gear that someone else no longer needs.

REI’s Garage Sales have become a hot spot for campers and outdoor adventurers of all kinds to get screaming deals on slightly used equipment. The garage sales used to happen a few times a year, but now, some REI locations across the country have a used gear section year-round that you can shop.

4. BRING STUFF FROM HOME

Rather than spending additional money on gear that is designated for camping, first, check to see what you already have at home that may also work while you’re adventuring outdoors. Take, for example, a non-stick pan. Though you don’t want to take the high-quality one that you use almost every day to cook, chances are good you have an older pan lying around that would be perfect for camping.

This also works when it comes to bedding. You don’t need to buy pillows just for camping – bring ones from home and just wash the pillowcases when you get home. Also, if it’s not in your budget to buy new sleeping bags, then just grab a bunch of blankets from home. Those will work great (unless you’re camping in below-freezing weather – in that case, you need a sleeping bag specific for cold weather to keep you safe and warm).

5. SHARE WITH FRIENDS

If you’re camping with friends, then you can check to see what each person has. One friend may have a camping stove, which means you don’t need to buy one. Another may have all of the condiments you need for cooking, so you can save your money on that. And you may have enough s’mores fixings to last a lifetime, so your friends can save money on that. Sharing is caring!

6. PLAN SIMPLE MEALS

The more simple your camping meals, the better. This isn’t just in terms of cost, but also in terms of convenience. Making a four-course meal while camping sounds like a lot more effort than we want to put in (but if that’s what floats your boat, then by all means, go for it!).

If you’re looking to camp on a budget, then meals present an opportunity to save a lot of money. Simple foods such as ground meat, hot dogs, vegetables, and really anything that is a one-pot meal are going to be your best friend and so is planning your meals in advance. It’s the last-minute scramble that often ends in excess money spent at the grocery store or a restaurant.

Also, be sure to bring spices, herbs, and condiments from home to help bring more flavor to food that may not be the most exciting (we’re looking at you, hot dogs).

To keep that from happening, plan out your meals before heading out on your camping adventure and get as much prepped as possible so that you don’t waste money getting emergency ingredients at an expensive grocery store near the campground.

You can find some of the best camping recipes with KOA’s campfire cooking ideas. We’ve got recipes for everything from Smoked Sausage Casserole to Apple Pie on a Stick.

7. BUY FOOD ITEMS AT HOME

Buying food and drinks at gas stations and marts along the way is likely to be much more expensive than what you would pay at your grocery store at home. Though it may not seem like a big deal to pay $6 for a bag of chips instead of $4, all those little amounts add up to be quite a bit, and that’s excess money that you don’t really need to be spending.

Plus, buying everything ahead of time and packing it into your cooler and bag will let you know if you’ve got too much food so that you don’t end up wasting any. If it turns out that you have too much, you can leave it in the fridge at home to enjoy when you get back rather than risking it going bad while camping.

8. CHOOSE A CAMPGROUND WITH JUST WHAT YOU NEED

All kinds of campgrounds offer some stellar facilities, but those campgrounds tend to be more expensive. that offer the amenities you need at a price that won’t make your wallet weak.

9. CAMP DURING THE OFFSEASON

If you are looking to save some bucks, then try camping when others aren’t. Busy seasons often result in higher campground prices so instead opt to go at a time when demand isn’t so high and prices are lower.

10. CAMP OUTSIDE OF NATIONAL PARKS

Though the convenience of camping in a national park is nice, the prices tend to be higher and you also have to pay the entry fee to get in. Any national park has amazing spots to camp as well as explore around it, so take advantage of those while you’re camping on a budget.

12. CAMP CLOSE TO HOME

Gas is expensive these days, so the shorter your road trip to your camping spot, the more money you’ll save. Stick close to home and you’ll save money while gaining a new appreciation for the beauty of your area. It’s quite an experience to look at an area you may drive by every day in a completely different way while camping.

12. FIND CHEAP GAS

While we are on the subject of expensive gas . . . when you do need to fill up, spend a couple of extra minutes looking for the cheapest station in the area. No, you don’t have to waste gas driving around to do that. Thanks to apps such as GasBuddy, you can find the cheapest gas in almost any area. Those few cents’ difference per gallon can add up, especially if you’re driving a big car or driving long distances.

13. LOOK FOR FREE ACTIVITIES

There is no shortage of tourist traps in many popular camping areas that may be fun, but typically don’t live up to the hype and end up costing you more money than you want to spend. But that’s the great thing about Mother Nature – she’s full of all kinds of free activities, no matter where you are. Hiking, biking, swimming, climbing, star gazing, games, stories around the campfire – these are all things that cost (next to) nothing but will bring you so much joy and fulfillment. Also be sure to check out the happenings on the campground. Some campgrounds, like many KOAs, have fun events or activities that are often free.

14. START A CAMPING FUND

If you decide that camping is what you want to spend your fun money on, then start building up a fund to make that happen. Create a jar to keep at home that is known as your camping money. When you have loose change from the store, throw it in the jar. You may even decide to take money from each paycheck to contribute to the fund that will fuel your adventures.

15. ASK FOR CAMPING GIFTS

When a holiday comes around and people start asking what you want, consider asking for the camping gear you need to make your outdoor experience complete. Panergy has gift guides filled with some great ideas of what you may want to ask for. This is a great way to get that gear without spending your money.

[morseengland7]

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[musicalmumu]

send me a ship and i’ll tell you ...

( from @hxwboutadance​ ) still accepting 

ELLE / EMMETT

who is more likely to get injured doing small tasks - ELLE , no doubt in my mind. she isn’t used to doing certain things for herself all the time and emmett definitely has to help her a lot. there is definitely stuff he just does so there’s no risk of her hurting herself ...

who worries more about the other - i think they both worry about each other in their own ways , but i think overall , EMMETT is the bigger worrier in the relationship. elle does not seem to have any fear , and while that’s awesome , it’s also worrisome. 

who is more afraid about the other leaving them - the obvious answer may be emmett ( notably because , well , she almost did her first year at harvard ) but i think they are BOTH terrified of the other leaving. elle’s scared that her excitement will wear off or he’ll finally realize she’s too much. she meticulously planned her relationship and life with warner , crossed all her t’s and dotted her i’s , and yet that still failed. her relationship with emmett is unexpected and unplanned in every aspect. and while she’s so much better now , it’s still scary. meanwhile , emmett thinks elle is too good for him, way out of his league. waiting for the day she wakes up and see ; but jokes on him. she’s excited to wake up to him any day. 

who is more likely to leave (for any reason) - ELLE. i can’t deny this. she can be so spontaneous and maybe even occasionally flightily. she will literally run away to malibu or anywhere sunny that a plane can take her if she gets compelled enough. if not for a good voice of reason , she would disappear multiple times by now. 

who is more likely to drunkenly confess - ELLE. a night after celebratory drinks. elle collected a few too many free rounds from the bar. some fancy shots may have been ordered. naturally emmett is the one who volunteers to take her home. elle just can’t help but go on and on about everything he does for her and everyone and just how amazing he is and just how much she loves him ... 

who is more likely to push the other away (for any reason) - ELLE. she thinks she’s a burden to emmett. just as likely to push him away as she is to run away. she doesn’t always give herself enough time or space to logically think things out and can sometimes let insecurity get the best of her.

who picks fights more often - we’re talking about two lawyers ... they are always finding arguments to have. emmett probably picks arguments to test her , push her to see that kind of side of her more. elle picks arguments / fights to prove herself && her viewpoints. they’re just different kinds of fights / arguments , but regardless elle tries to win almost every one ... so A LITTLE BOTH.

who usually apologizes first - EMMETT. elle is extremely stubborn , so unless he knows she really messed up and way in the wrong , she probably is not apologizing first. however, she with be the second.

who is more likely to withhold their feelings for the other - EMMETT. i think they both hold back a little bit , but elle also isn’t the most subtle. she’s not usually afraid to say what ( or who ) she likes , but she was mildly hesitant with emmett though probably not for long. emmett was probably more scared / worried cause like ... power dynamic.

who is more likely to lash out at the other - while elle is extremely loud and passionate , i don’t think gets herself worked up in a way she lashes out. quite opposite , she tends to turn into herself and become quiet. EMMETT , on the other hand , probably gets much more wound up when stressed and is more likely to lash out against elle’s constant pep.

who gets more jealous - ELLE. she likes to mark her territory in a way. she will suddenly get so much more touchy and lovey - dovey if someone starts flirting with emmett ; meanwhile emmett does not even realize someone was flirting with him. he just thought they were being nice.

who is more likely to support the other in a relationship with someone else “as long as they’re happy”: - so , if they have not dated / explicitly confessed their feelings to one another , elle will act like she is supportive and happy for emmett even if it hurts. however , if this is , like , after a break up / during a break in their relationship , she’s not even pretending. she’s sabotaging and trying to win her man back. we saw her with warner , and emmett is a whole ‘nother game. regardless ... in either situation , EMMETT is more likely to be supportive of elle in her relationship(s).

KENDALL / CAMILLE

who is more likely to get injured doing small tasks - this is a tricky question ... because camille is has mastered many skills and tasks , ranging from mundane to extraordinary. kendall , on the other hand , probably doesn’t care about getting hurt and very much will nearly cut his finger off while cooking but either does not notice or does not care ... so i guess KENDALL.

who worries more about the other - i’m sure there have been plenty of times kendall has put himself in to make camille worry , but i think KENDALL is the bigger worrier. he’s very protective , and camille is so unpredictable ... like how can he not worry about her blowing herself ( and the rest of the building ) up ???

who is more afraid about the other leaving them - i think maybe CAMILLE is more afraid. she’s probably more used to the revolving door that is the residents of the palm woods. she’s used to friends leaving ,be it onto bigger + better things or back home after they fail. kendall is would also be afraid but he’s never allowed himself to linger on the thought enough to let that fear grow.

who is more likely to leave (for any reason) - maybe a hot take , but CAMILLE. kendall has too many of his very own abandon issues ( see also - papa knight ) and he’s so loyal to a fault. he may leave in tour , but he always promises his return. 

who is more likely to drunkenly confess - CAMILLE. but like ... is it a true drunk confession ??? or a role ??? or is she actually drunk but blames it on it being a role minutes later ??? meanwhile , the only stuff kendall drunkenly confesses to is pranks and schemes he previously denied. 

who is more likely to push the other away (for any reason) - i don’t think either really push each other away , at least not successful. they can try to keep their distance , but they can’t simply ignore each other. they have such a connection that NEITHER is capable of not at least being some sort of friends / confidants.

who picks fights more often - they both love an argument , but i think maybe CAMILLE technically picks the most fights. sometimes she almost seems to be playing devil’s advocate , just to get kendall riled up and say she was just acting in the end.

who usually apologizes first - KENDALL. he never lets things get too far. if there’s even the slightest doubt that this could be a major fight or cause any sort of major rift , he’s already apologizing. he’s not letting some dumb shit ruin their relationship.

who is more likely to withhold their feelings for the other - KENDALL, mostly. camille doesn’t quite know what ‘ chill ’ is. and even if she makes a mistake , she can just play it off as acting for a role. on the other hand , kendall doesn’t want to ruin his friendships.

who is more likely to lash out at the other - i don’t think either super lashes out at the other. kendall is fairly controlled , but if put under enough stress , may shout ( and then immediately apologize ) or just completely walk away / almost blow her off. CAMILLE , on the other hand , has the dramatic flair ... so many she better fits the description of lashing out ... but just barely.

who gets more jealous - CAMILLE. no debate. what’s hers is hers. 

who is more likely to support the other in a relationship with someone else “as long as they’re happy”: - BOTH. i think they both , genuinely , want the best for other. whether or not they ever had a romantic history , their relationship has always been rooted in their friends. also , it probably helps their other relationship in question is also their other best friend who they also want to be happy.

KAT / SARAH

who is more likely to get injured doing small tasks - KATHERINE. i fully believe kat is , like , seriously helpless with apparently menial tasks. she can’t cook , she can’t clean , she’s incapable of being handy. she tries , but ultimate she’s doing something wrong ..

who worries more about the other - SARAH. not to say kat doesn’t worry about sarah , but kat is doing so much all the time. she sometimes forgets even herself. and that in itself is a reason sarah probably worries so much about her ...

who is more afraid about the other leaving them - neither? i don’t either worry about the other , at least physically , leaving. new york is still a small city and neither have a better place to be ... however , SARAH is probably more afraid of kat forgetting about her , leaving her in the dust / abandoning their friends all together, than the other way around. 

who is more likely to leave (for any reason) - KATHERINE. despite being so against someone like jack running away to santa fe , she very much has an instinct to run away / avoid her problems sometimes. also given her circumstances , she’s more likely to be swept up in her life and basically disappear.

who is more likely to drunkenly confess - KATHERINE. kat holds so much back that the only way it’s coming out is with excessive alcohol. while i think sarah would also , very much , drunkenly confess her feelings ; kat’s only confessing if she’s drunk. and if they’re both drunk , it probably turns into some sort of cry fest / argument. 

who is more likely to push the other away (for any reason) - KATHERINE. kat is definitely the one to push , but sarah is pushing back. sarah makes it clear she’s not going anywhere anytime soon , no matter how much kat pushes. it’s why they are so tight in the end.

who picks fights more often - KATHERINE. this girl loves to fight , i’m so sorry. it can be the smallest of arguments , and kat still wants to win so bad. she can’t handle being wrong. it’s a fatal flaw , really ...

who usually apologizes first - SARAH. kat is far too prideful to ever apologize first , and sarah knows that. half the time , sarah has to apologize just so kat will ; because only then will she admit her wrong. however , she’s get a bit better ... slightly ... she’s trying.

who is more likely to withhold their feelings for the other - KATHERINE. she keeps her feelings so locked up. she refuses to be vulnerable. never mind all the other reasons , like ruining their friendship and every other complication ...

who is more likely to lash out at the other - KATHERINE is definitely the one more likely to blow up more often. however , it’s way more scary when sarah lashes out. that’s when you know something is really bad ...

who gets more jealous - i think secretly BOTH get jealous , but both are a bit silent about. however, katherine’s jealousy definitely shows more. she’s only so good at hiding her stronger feelings ...

who is more likely to support the other in a relationship with someone else “as long as they’re happy”: - while they both truly want the best for one another , SARAH is very much the better supporter. 

[wireadvice74]

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[primofate]

Two Sides, One Coin  (Part 2) Gorou x fem!reader Angst to Comfort

Summary: The Resistance has been fighting the Vision Hunt Decree of the Raiden Shogun. There’s a traitor in The Resistance. Gorou finds out that it’s you.

Warnings: spoilers from the 2.0 Genshin story quests, injuries, may not follow the exact lore cause I’m bending it slightly to fit the story, betrayal, not proofread, graphic details of injuries, quite dark, mention of organs being cut out

Read: (Part 1) (Part 3 - Final)

“Kill one of the men,”

You pick your head up. The moment of silence seemed to stretch on for far too long until you had the mind to reply, “Yes, sir,” 

“And we don’t want a half-assed attempt, bring their head back,” one of the generals in the Raiden’s army orders. They grin at you, as if knowing that you can’t do it. Trying to test your loyalty in the cruelest way ever. You have to kill a friend, and bring their head back. 

It has to be done. 

You tell yourself. It has to be done to gain their trust, so you can continue being a double spy. So you can pretend that you’re on their side. That you’re a loyal member of the Raiden’s decree. 

The internal battle in you is immense. You have to kill one of your own. Is there anyone who can save you? Would the Excellency have another plan? If you told her, would she tell you to stop? That you’re free from being a double spy and just fight the decree like everyone is doing? No one knew except you and her. 

But this was your own way of fighting. Someone had to get secret and classified information about the vision hunt decree and that was you. It had to be you. 

So, that night in itself as you sit up, unable to even close your eyes with so many thoughts flitting in and out of your head, you decide to do it. Several guards would be up and on duty, you’d randomly pick one. 

One who had a family. One who was also hoping for this war to be over. One who had fought side by side with you. The guard was doing his patrols as you approach him and he salutes. You stand in front of him and stare. He only smiles, “Lieutenant! It’s quite late, unable to sleep?”

Your throat bobbles up and down as you swallow thickly. You’re their second in command, and yet you were about to kill him. 

He didn’t see it coming. He was unguarded as you unsheathe your sword and plunge it right through him. The blood splatters forward onto your hands and clothes. There’s shock in his face. You’re trembling as you pull your sword back, the hole on his chest is now gushing blood and you step away as he crumples to his knees. “L-Lieutenant-- Wh-Why?” It just so happens that this particular soldier wielded a vision. You tear it away from his waist and keep it dangling from your hand. 

A shiver runs up your spine and you can feel someone watching you from the back. With your clothes stained and your hands bloody you turn, and meet eye to eye with Gorou. 

He didn’t know what it was that compelled him to get up and do some rounds at this time of night, but he was there and his face was rather blank. There was no expression whatsoever as he watched the whole thing happen, and then his eyes come up to yours. “Y/N... Why?” 

“Gorou...” Your best friend. Your companion. Your General. You did this in front of him and you watch as his face contorts into anger. “He didn’t do anything! Why?!” His voice would awake the others around him and you wanted to flee, you stepped back away from him. Gorou knew there had to be a reason, but as soon as he looked at the stolen vision in your hand. He understood. “You...You’re--”

His teeth is grit and his ears up and alert. He was furious. More so than you’ve ever seen. “You’re a traitor” 

It’s not that. Don’t look at me like that.

You wanted to say. Anyone else could have seen you. Anyone else and you would’ve been fine with it, but the way Gorou looked at you, as if you were the most disgusting creature on Earth, it hurt you more than it already had. “I won’t forgive you, how could you?”

You couldn’t bear to listen and watch anymore, so you fled. You ran away. No one gave chase to you and you weren’t sure why. Possibly they were too stunned, or too occupied with their fallen man. 

Still, you felt nothing but numb as you go back to the Raiden’s general. Your clothes are still unclean, splattered with dried blood. He’s surprised when he sees you, he didn’t think you were the real deal. You bring your hand up and give them the vision. “...I couldn’t get his head,” you mutter, but in the next moment lift your other hand, in a bloody mess, and dumped an organ on the general’s hand. “...But I got their heart instead,” 

The general is sickeningly delighted. He starts off with a chuckle, that intensifies into a laugh. “Didn’t think you had it in you. You’re the real deal!” 

And that was how you secured your place in the Raiden’s army. 

It was a week later that you rendezvous with Kokomi. Despite what happened, her Excellecny still put her full trust in you. The two of you met in her secret cave and she looked at you with pity and confusion in her eyes.

“They wanted me to bring his head back... I-I couldn’t do it but I wasn’t thinking straight at the moment and still hurt him... In the end I went and killed a pig, carved out it’s heart and gave it to them... In hopes that they wouldn’t notice...”

Kokomi was astounded. It was no wonder that the soldier you stabbed that day survived. “...I see... Y/N, you don’t have to do this... Perhaps it’d be better if you just came back and--”

“I can’t,” the image of Gorou flashes in your mind. “I’ve gone this far, I should see it through,” You wonder if he would ever forgive you, even if he found out that your were doing this as a double spy. You’d agreed with the Excellency not to tell anyone else, to keep up a better pretense. Part of you was already ashamed to face Gorou. “...Aside from that... I have other information...” 

The two of you move your talks to strategy and war secrets. 

“In five days time they’ll move to take the 100th vision. In a grand display, they’ve decided to have Thoma as their target. He’s well-known in the city, and has a lot of connections. I suppose they want to have his vision as a message to the city... That they can seize anyone they want to...” You sigh and close your eyes, “It’d be wise to warn the Kamisato Clan...”

You continue, divulging everything that you’ve found out to Kokomi, including the inside information that you’ve gathered about the Raiden Shogun, about how her true self lies within the Plane of Euthymia, and that they’d need someone who could transcend into that plane. 

“I’ll be off now, Your Excellency,” 

The next five days was a slow one for you, and yet everyone around you was getting ready for an all out war. The Raiden was to take her 100th vision in public from Thoma, tied up and unable to resist. Kokomi must have had a plan by now, and Ayaka must have been informed. 

And you, just one of the Shogun’s guard as you watch everything happen. Watch as the Raiden seizes Thoma’s pyro vision, watches as the traveller comes through, waging a battle against the Raiden. Chaos ensued. 

You weren’t sure what was happening anymore, but you, wearing the Shogun Army uniform, was deemed an enemy of The Resistance. 

It was hard to fight when you were trying not to kill anyone. It was hard when they were going all out on you, cuts and gashes start to litter your body as the fight went on, and the Raiden’s army is pushed back into Tenshukaku, you along with them. 

It’s a while before the Traveller wins. 

A while before things settle down and finally the vision hunt decree is called off. 

You walk away unnoticed by everyone. Covered in cuts and gashes you have no place to go.

You don’t belong in the Raiden’s army.

Nor do you belong in The Resistance. 

You start to walk the long path ahead alone. 

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