#and try not to feel guilty for looking at cisgender and trans dudes and finding them hot and lovable and wonderful

[izzy-b-hands]

Thinking abt that quote from I believe, tho I may be misremembering, Phoebe, when he was talking abt gay culture and like Freddie and other gay men he's known, abt how you find platonic love as a gay man with your friends first if/when romantic love is hard to come by as it can often be

And I know he was talking more abt the 1980s gay culture but my god if there isn't an aspect of that which still exists now, except now as a gay man I struggle to even find strong platonic love with friends and it all feels v fleeting and impermanent and wow!!! That feeling is not great paired tonight with my also feeling touch starved and in want of romantic love and attention as well as platonic.

[gracelingdesolate]

dude I wanna hear about like. any of your characters for the 10 facts thing. especially your Jedi and commander petal give me The Details

oh boy this’ll be fun i wish i could do all of them PFFT but since you didn’t specify which jedi i’m doing all three

Raksha Svechl1. She’s Allaranthan, a nice little made up planet I came up with bc I didn’t want to sacrifice that part of her original design2. She didn’t start as a Jedi, she started as a Sith and was raised that way. She didn’t join the Jedi until she was about 13 and even then she has always felt like an outsider among them.3. She’s a trans woman and gay as hell she literally could not be more of a lesbian4. Her lightsaber is orange and inspired by this one bit of lore I found about a dude who took a red crystal and stripped the darkness and corruption from it, leaving his yellow. That’s basically what she did with her old saber.5. In Allaranthan culture the people receive a sort of spiritual guide to help them through life. While it’s important for normal people, it’s even more for a stronger Force wielder. Raksha’s is a massive dog-like creature.6. When Raksha was 17 she journeyed to Allaranth to find her guide. On that trip she met a very pretty girl named Sahmira and she fell so hard for her. They secretly got together and are still together as far into the story as I have planned.7. She holds quite a lot of the Jedi at a distance and respects very few of them. The only one she completely and absolutely trusts is her Master because she knows that he saved her from a horrible life with the Sith.8. She didn’t agree with the clone wars and didn’t get involved in them until she saw a certain commander being tried and found guilty for killing his Jedi general. When she heard he was being sent back for reconditioning, she marched straight up to Yoda and demanded that he let her take both Commander Petal and the rest of the 354th under her command.9. After a few disastrous battles, she realized that the 354th couldn’t function as an attack battalion anymore or it would destroy itself. She forced the Council and Senate to change them to dealing mainly in relief efforts and search and rescue missions.10. She survived Order 66 and fled to Allaranth. After a few close calls, she and Sahmira packed up and left Allaranth, disappearing into the Outer Rim where they waited and watched as the Empire rose and the Rebellion began.

Dier Anuli1. Dier is a human Jedi who has been with the Jedi for as long as he can remember.2. He is extremely dedicated to following the Jedi Code to the letter. Yoda is basically God and the Council is not to be questioned because they always know best.3. Green lightsaber!4. He prefers more defensive fighting styles than offensive.5. Before the clone wars began, he took on a padawan. A young Allaranthan boy called Noctin. He cared too much about Noctin and saw him as a son, which made his mentoring confusing at best. Sometimes he would treat Noct like a son and other times he would distance himself completely in an attempt to get back on what the Code asked of them.6. The wars began not long after and Dier was quickly given command of the 354th attack battalion7. He grew very attached to his troops, particularly to Petal, who he began to have more romantic feelings for. He tried very hard to dismiss them but didn’t have much success. In his attempts to do so he got cold and short with pretty much everyone. It didn’t make him any less possessive of them, however.8. As the war went on and he saw more and more horrible things it knocked everything he knew off balance. How could the Jedi have let something so horrible happen? They were supposed to be peacekeepers and instead they had turned into warmongers.9. In the end it was the visions that made him snap. He had horribly realistic nightmares of himself turning on his troops and slaughtering them in cold blood. He saw himself killing Noctin and going to the Temple for the Council. He saw himself killing those he had looked up to all his life.10. He snapped. It was a tiny mistake that set him off and he went on a massacre, attacking Noctin and nearly killing him before being stopped by his troops. He killed many of them before Petal was finally able to gun him down.

Noctin Aeriea1. Also Allaranthan! His guide is an owl2. Friends with Ahsoka bc like…………. please she’s my fav of course he’s friends with her3. He’s like the exact opposite of Dier. He loves everyone and doesn’t really try to stifle it unless he’s around the Council. Very free with his emotions.4. He’s trans too bc cisgender whomst5. He dual wields and has two blue lightsabers. Since in his original story his main weapon his two battle knives, I kept the speed and agility aspect of him bc this tiny boy can’t fight anything with brute strength pls6. He doesn’t have any real feelings toward the war. It’s really all he knows since he was dragged into it around 12 years old. While he does hate all the dying, he doesn’t know what his life would be without all the fighting.7. He viewed Dier as a father figure so when Dier fell it shattered him. His trust in everyone was broken and he though he did try to stay with the Jedi, he eventually left because he couldn’t deal with the war and the fear that he would be betrayed again.8. On his wanderings after he left the Jedi, he met two Allaranthans called Konas and Sarín. They took him into their little group and they all became very close.9. He was around to see Order 66 happen. Not good. Still trying to decide if anything happens to him.10. Didn’t join the rebellion until really late in the game bc he was terrified and couldn’t bring himself to risk his life or his friends.

Commander Petal1. Is super tight with Kickstart, Shade, and Scree. They’ve been together since Kamino2. He’s shit at languages and more or less cheated his way through that part of training. Now he just makes Scree translate everything for him.3. Got his name from a later training incident where Shade came up with the brilliant plan to shove a bunch of flowers into his pack and armor. He didn’t have time to get all of the flowers out so he spent the rest of the day trailing petals wherever he went- or as Shade loves to put it, “He had petals falling out his ass all day”4. When he was assigned to Dier, the very first thing he noticed was Noctin and how young he was. That really, really pissed him off and he never stopped being angry about it5. Does not like the Jedi for a multitude of reasons. Sending children into battle is very high on the list, and the fact that the clones are a slave army is right behind it6. He’s Force sensitive. He has told exactly four people in his entire life: Kickstart, Shade, Scree, and Raksha7. He did return Dier’s feelings but didn’t push anything bc even though he thought the Jedi Code was ridiculous, he respected that it meant a lot to Dier8. He was the one who killed Dier. He shot him after Dier seriously fucked him up and killed Shade. The shot nearly revealed him as Force sensitive and because he couldn’t explain it to the Council/Senate he was to be sent back to Kamino for reconditioning.9.  He really super duper hated the Jedi after that and was seriously considering going awol for a long time. He only stayed because he couldn’t abandon the 354th and make them face everything alone.10. Not sure how Order 66 affected him, but I have decided that afterwards he and Kickstart go awol and lay low under the reign of the Empire.