#and tuesdays i dont do library reference i sit in the back and work on the newsletter

[soldier-poet-king]

Me earlier today: wow life is so good and despite everything happening all the time I'm actually just really content and happy with small daily joys

A short while later: ANXIETÉ without reason, and apparently, without end

[angclhyunjin]

of light and verse | jaebum

desc: you literally end up falling for the boy who sits at the back of your uber hard lit class. college!jaebum litmajor!jaebum. all the fluff. just super fluffy

word count: 1.913

requested by: @jaebums-sunshine​ [Jaebum college au/domestic au fluff!]

note: i wrote this at lit 4am but ummm my love as a lit major was too cute to pass up

oh my god ok COLLEGE JAEBUM

setting my heart on fire at the thought of my lit nerd headcanon for him

lets get into it!

so its freshman year and ur walking into your first lit class, a bit intimidated bc its like,, a course no first year dared to touch but u just wanted a cool sounding course so bad u jumped at the opportunity

its GREEK MYTHOLOGY!! who wud not hello

and ur excited until the professor opens her mouth

and ur blown away by how,,,,,,, interesting and riveting the whole thing is but shit is it going to be this hard throughout??

the first few classes involves you frantically taking notes and trying to keep up w the impossible pace this class is going

but theres this BOY

he sits right at the end while ur in front so u could pass him off as uninterested,,, taking the course for extra creds??? wrong

this BOY quips in between the lecture with the most fascinating comments, connecting the odyssey to so many modern works, to poetry and to music

and ur like,,, who made u,,,, how r u like this

ur kind of annoyed by how smart this boy is

its not like you dont get wtf is happening here, but how can he get it and SO MUCH MORE

and tbh ur kind of jealous but u didnt hear that from me. also he has the softest voice that creeps up behind u and makes ur body stir

wait what

so u work super hard

and like super hard, u finish all ur readings and do ur own research

but u still feel like its not enough

like idk who u think u are, u start living at the library

cup of tea in hand and a book in the other, it sounds optimal but the stress is lowkey making you lose ur mind

ur looking for a book in the aisles, a VERY specific one on sappho’s fragmented poems

and FINALLY u see it............on the top most shelf

ur 5′4″ self is SCREAMING

and u could ask for help but help is for losers

so u make the very intelligent decision to climb the shelves what?? no ones looking

ur almost there when

a hand

reaches at the same time as urs

u almost scream for real this time, shutting ur eyes real tight, letting go of ur meager hold on the shelf and falling back

like u have accepted ur death at this point

until???? wait??? you feel two hands around you and suddenly you’re not falling

“my god, are you okay??” how tf do i know this voice

you open your eyes to be met with the softest brown eyes, framed by these wire glasses

oh

its him

of c o u r s e

u literally dont know what to say until he laughs a little at you (an adorable, light noise that fills you up)

“this is probably not one of your greatest moments” ur cheeks are on FIRE

suddenly he notices his arms are still around u and he hastily places u on ur useless jelly feet

“were you going for the book on sappho? i didn’t know anyone else here knew it existed”

you’re about to stammer out a reply, not really ready to explain to the lit prodigy that ur trying to be at least half as insightful as him but he

squints at u

“wait, aren’t you in my lit class?? you are, aren’t you?”

he REMEMBERS ur invisible ass??? ok??? what doesnt this boy notice?????

u finally find your tongue, stammering out a “y-yeah, i was planning out my paper and needed a second reference”

wow is he lowkey impressed he stares at u for a bit

ur now hyperaware of ur messy bun and glasses, the old t shirt you’d tucked into mom jeans feeling so inadequate in front of him in his stylishly messed up hair n button up,,, how could someone be this pretty at 4pm on a sunday

“honestly, me too. but its okay, you can have this” 

he barely needs to reach up to get this book and ur like, looking at his shoulders as he faces away from u for a split second and man is he built

“are you sure???” you let out in an almost whisper “don’t you need this?”

“nah its okay i read it over the summer already” o yes of course

“i’m jaebum by the way” he smiles at you and ur stomach JUMPs

“i’m y/n” you try, and then blurt out “and also really sorry for this i’m like,, dumb as hell-”

“its no issue, y/n” his voice is HONEY as it says your name and you can feel urself turning redder

“i’ll see you in class then” hes gone as quickly as he arrived and ur still in shock because what the fuck

did that really happen or did u doze off after a caffeine crash again???

so the next day in class u walk in, heading towards your seat when  ur eye catches jaebum’s

and he gives u the BIGGEST SMILE

WHAT AN ANGEL

ur blushing furiously and manage a quick smile back

and thru/o ur so distracted bc u swear u feel his eyes on the back of ur neck but ur also too scared to look bc WOW WHY IS THIS BEAUTIFUL BOY STARING AT ME

so at the end of the class ur throwing all ur books into ur mess of a backpack when u hear a voice 

“so did you end up finishing the book”

its god jaebum, beanie hiding his tousled hair and trademark glasses on his nose

“no i still have some stuff to cover but its fine!! you can have it u want-”

“no, no i was going to suggest we do the paper together?”

is this ,,,, really happening

“i mean, sure” WHY ARE U AGREEING WHY DO U WANT TO DIE

“okay great! i’ll meet you in the library at 4?”

“okay see you then!!” u squeak out and dash

wtf was that

this man did not need ur help, he is a lit GOD

but ur there at 4, a little thankful for the heads up bc u managed to put some semblance of makeup on urself

and he walks in and ur heart is on fire again bc hes so pretty and he’s also so excited to do lit, lit makes this boy

u slowly ease into conversations w him, sappho being taken over by more personal deets

ok first of all, this boy has 5 cats

5

he shows u pictures of all of them, names and all, like a mom showing off her children

ur heart is so so full of this endearing boy

you keep meeting thru the rest of the week

on tuesday, he asks you ur favorite color

on wednesday, he convinces u to tell him ur favorite memory

on thursday, you tell him how vanilla ice cream is everything to you but u cant stand strawberry

on friday, he asks u for ur number

on saturday, he randomly texts you 6 pictures of his cat sitting on two legs

on saturday, you realize u have fallen for the boy at the back of ur lit class

u dont know what to do

this boy is so so dumb at heart but can also recite all of shakespeare’s sonnets by heart

like hes the cutest idiot u have ever seen

and ur falling super hard for him

ur friendship goes strong for a while

gradually u blush less frequently and get comfortable w him, going over to his place at times

the first time u go (for lit probably) he opens the door and ur greeted w the smell of disaster

like really it smells super bad

and hes frantic and panicky bc “i didn’t know how hard cooking was the tomato sauce is all burnt what did i do”

poor perfect boi is bad at cooking???

even surrounded w smoke and in a dirty apron he looks ADORABLE

and ur laughing and taking the saucepan off the stove for him, throwing his failure out and suggesting u just get some chinese

and he agrees w a sigh and ur like ur so dumb

and no ur definitely not trying to think abt how he wanted to cook for u

when u call him over u make spaghetti

red sauce

“wow so ur really out here triggering me like this”

“is it my fault ur an idiot sandwich”

“w o w”

he probably pouted and u probably made fun of it tho ur heart was crying 

so it goes on like this for a while

and ur always wondering ‘does this boy even like me like that’ bc he out here giving u so many signals but never making the move

like ur ass is never sure if he’s into u or just being nice

bc lets face it - im jaebum is the definition of nice

and its honestly getting kind of annoying

like pls tell me if u like me my heart cant take it much longer

u guys are at his, doing ur readings

you glance to the side and see jaebum reading intently, eyes flying over the words, relaxed and so sweet, a ray of light from the window falling on him and making his eyes radiate a dark brown

you dont even notice how long you’ve been staring until u hear his voice

“hello what r u doing”

fuck

“nothing! just,,,, you looked really pretty with the light falling on ur face. no i mean, look!! like, you’re pretty”

OK

WHAT

did u JUST 

SAY THAT

"not that that means you’re not pretty at other times!! i mean,,, you’re pretty all the time and its honestly really crazy” WHY ARE U STILL TALKING

hes just.... staring at u in wonder

and ur lik e wow this is it, this is when the ground acc swallows me up and i die

when his face breaks into this beautiful smile

“you think i’m pretty?”

his voice is so soft and pure

u r, on the other hand, about to collapse from embarrassment

and just nod and its like the day in the library all over

and he’s still smiling when he says “y/n, i think you’re the most beautiful person i’ve ever seen”

your stomach SWOOPS

IS THIS REAL LIFE

“i’ve wanted to say that for the longest time” he breathes and you notice just how close he is

“thats just,, i mean wow i didn’t know...” u manage to say

he leans in a little closer and his hands r burning a hole resting on ur thighs

the light is very brilliant as his head dips lower, breath on ur lips until he fills the gap between you

and im jaebum is kissing you

you barely remember to respond, but when you do, he leaves light kisses on ur lower lip, hand coming up to cup ur cheek 

ur entire body is on fire as he draws you closer, your hands going into his hair and feeling for the first time how soft it was 

wow u had really dreamed about this huh

he draws back a little bit, face incredibly close to yours and asks u “is this okay?”

,,,,,,,boi

“more than okay, this is perfect” you press him closer and all else is forgotten

send in requests!

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Chapter titles! | June Writing Update

Hey People of Earth!

It’s JULY which means we’re due for a June writing update! I honestly didn’t do very much writing in June (was June even a month? did it happen??), so like with May, this update will be pretty short!

FOSTERED #6

I’m kind of at an eh with this book, honestly! This month consisted of stressing over a scene I couldn’t get quite right, until @sarahkelsiwrites gave me some awesome advice while I was mid *sarah help me*. She said “Just end it where you’ve written up to and come back to it later” which is so insanely simple, but helpful. Because I take long breaks between writing scenes sometimes, I tend to lose sight of a lot of details/initial excitement for scenes, which is basically what happened with this scene! So coming back to it later is actually a lot more helpful than trying to piece together words I meant to write weeks prior, if that makes sense. This was actually something I tried to actively avoid, but it seems to be working way better now!

Sarah is my #1 supporter and I dunno man this book wouldn’t have made it past literally the first chapter header if it weren’t for her lol, so bless her patient soul. 

Also, me when I’m writing:

sarahhhhhhhhhh

my kayak is sinkingggggg

sarahhhhHHHAahhh

I did do a thing I REALLY LOVE for this book this month and that’s chapter titles!

A few months ago, I wrote a chapter that I just *knew* needed a chapter title (Table Manners). After writing it, I tried naming the rest of the chapters in this book, and it wasn’t actually as fun as I thought it would be lol. I couldn’t come up with anything I liked, so I dropped the endeavor.

Welllll I came back to it a few days ago and well I have a whole list now:

honestly this book suck but deez titles doeeeeee

I’ve been writing this book for 9 months and this is like the only happiness it has brought me.

For those who can’t read my handwriting lol:

Breathing Room

Catherine

1997

Max

Double Jointed

Paper Negative

Earl Grey

Table Manners

Girl

Fort Tilden

Fluoxetine

Mother

The Garden

these!!!

!!!

I love them !!!!

they are my babies!!!

their content suck but I love them !!!! beautiful !!

Which chapter title is your favourite? I’m rather fond of how the list meshes as a whole because the atmos thooooo but I *love* Catherine, 1997, Girl, and Fluoxetine!

I thought it’d be cool to do a quick run down of why I chose these titles because there was a lot of thought??

PEOPLE YOU WILL NEED TO KNOW:

Reeve 

main character

stressed and tragic

Foster 

love interest ?? kind ? of ??? tofu boi???

?????

he’s hardly in any of these chapters so just imagine him making lentil soup instead??

Lonan 

problematic brother of MC

has picked a fight with Harrison for *no* reason, currently in his first month of being salty (TM)

Harrison 

feisty af but has a big heart

is tired of being walked on by Lonan

hurt af but using that salty energy to help people aw

Darren 

the only morally correct character

doesn’t realize what he’s gotten into

Emily

evasive, acts as a manic pixie dream girl figure throughout the novel, is unfortunately romanticized a lot even though she’s very much just a normal girl

1. Breathing Room

Ch. 1 is set in a very ‘claustrophobic’ time for every character

Gang is very divided after *various conflicts, but somehow manages to be suffocated by each other’s problems?

Both Harrison + Foster need some ‘breathing room’ from Reeve lol me too

how do you take a vacation from your first person narrator

2. Catherine

Reeve tries 2 be Darren’s new friend

Helps him set up his library

Title inspired by Catherine Earnshaw (Wuthering Heights)

Foreshadowing for where Reeve’s character ends up (particularly in her relationship w/ Darren)

Since they’re making a library, Wuthering Heights was *relevant*

3. 1997

“My mom met my dad on a Tuesday morning in 1997.”

that’s basically it

I dont know why this sentence just isn’t my parents met on a Tuesday morning etc etc but ok

lmaooo what is writing

4. Max

The name of Reeve’s father (who has died)

She heads out on a ‘de-stress’ vacay with Darren who is her new father figure ?? yonks

Lots of father references, mostly named Max because of Darren’s paternal-ness

5. Double Jointed

@sarahkelsiwrites gave me this idea lol

let’s just say our girl breaks someone’s fingers ??

and a relationship ??

ouch??

6. Paper Negative

Reeve is looking thru family photos

Lonan shows up and starts being a brat

he’s the negative haaha

7. Earl Grey

Reeve makes Lonan tea and some is subsequently spilled

8. Table Manners

Harrison fights w/ Lonan and Reeve has the audacity to tell him he needs to find some manners lol

9. Girl

Reeve glorifies Emily as being this eccentric but perfect person when in reality she’s just a girl

At the same time, degrades her as a ‘lolita’ figure

Lots of toxic femininity

Highkey not stolen from John Lennon

a giiiiiiiiirl

This excerpt kind of explains the whole unhealthy a) glorification of her and b) judgements Reeve makes (tis long and unedited as a heads up):

She’s perched on the armchair next to him. Her feet, unsocked and half-baked laze atop the teakwood desk. She’s at a beach, maybe. Lost her sandals in the tide, mind in the boardwalk. Her hair is shorter, cut to curl at her chin. Red, as always, like the carmine lacquer chipped off her toenails. Shoulders are thin, her waist edges toward gaunt. But I’m sure he doesn’t tell her that. She’s beautiful to him. Starving herself, or taking turns fondling the new Marlboros he sticks between his lips, she’s still beautiful. A puff from him, trade-off, pivoted elbow, kiss from her. Her ribs stick out beneath her tank top, but he loves her. Size zero, tape measure a noose. With all her flaws, he makes love to her through rings of smoke.   

Smoking kills you. I want to tell her. That smoke goes straight for your throat. You’ll be forty at twenty. What about your beauty regime? Butted out like he’ll do to your heart, to that cigarette you do unspeakable things to. Aren’t you afraid of being ugly?            

I won’t, though. She’s doing nothing wrong. Sat in shorts with her bra leering from under her tank-top, toes flexing, shoulders meager. Guilty, no, garish, yes. I’ve never noticed the gold she wears in her ears until now.            

Somehow, she’s managed to remain on his side. With her body like dust, and temperament like mercury, he sits at his desk with her, lets her look at the findings on his laptop screen. I should get them rings for their left hands, an extra diamond for her. A mantle and a spellbook, a white dress and a bouquet. A four-post bed complete with a chiffon canopy for when he canopies her. Rose petals, and champagne. Congratulations. I’m so happy for you. I’ll save the date. 

She is a girl, like me, but with his attention. A girl who hasn’t asked for the speculation I impale her with. A girl who doesn’t deserve it. I should be ashamed of myself. That’s what my mom would tell me if she heard the vile thoughts I choke Emily with. You should apologize and be friends with her, Reeve. That’s two weeks grounded, until you learn it’s not ladylike to ridicule her because you aren’t her. It’s not ladylike, Reeve, not ladylike. Where are your manners, young lady? 

who doesn't have manners now ???

10. Fort Tilden

A memory about a family reunion at this particular place

11. Fluoxetine

Reeve recounts her mother’s use of antidepressants

Lots of gaslighting in this chapter

12. Mother

The saddest of the titles, recounts a betrayal of a mother figure

Kind of very sad when reflected with the contents of the chapter

13. The Garden

Recounts an experience in a garden with a boy

The setting for the death of a relationship where things are kind of in constant growth? backwards growth?? decay ??

So yes! I rather love these, lol, they bring me very much happiness. 

Onto some book stats:

CURRENT WORD COUNT: 56 449

CURRENT PAGE COUNT: 97

STUFF I’VE BEEN LISTENING TO: Ohhh, I mentioned a few of these in my goals update post, but definitely additions to my shippy playlist: Some Kind of Love by The Killers, Happier (Acoustic) by Ed Sheeran, And I Love Her by The Beatles, Can’t Say No by Conor Maynard (my *personal* favourite)

MEDIA I’VE BEEN DIGGING: 

Sarah drew this GORGEOUS duo portrait of Ris and Reeve:

(yessss Harrison’s nose is so satisfyinggggg) 

I also made a header for Paper Negative w/ this family photo I found in the licensed for reuse w/ modification section on Google:

EXCERPT:

I edited this into the chapter of doom, and you know, I just re-read it and I’m not mad?? I think there are like *adjectives for dayzzzz*, but I think it’s almost where I want it??

His room is warm. Smells of old coffee and cigarette smoke. Emily isn’t here with him. But she’s left her things, yes, her books, and her spells, charms, and crystals. A circle of stones on her dresser, the clamshell rosary looped around the mirror. Set with candles, and beading, a dish of mildewed water. He’s dashed his cigarettes over her incense, and from the look he shoots me when he catches me looking, I figure he’s left them there without her permission. She occupies half of his room, her space bent in a diagonal path from half the door, to the right of the night table. Where she is, her space still breathes, ribbonned and decorated, pinned with dried flowers, and flutes of perfumes. Where he is, his space jitters.

It’s no surprise the left half of the room beams with just his energy. Lighters, and chewed pen caps, posters and pictures and drawings tacked to every breathable inch of the walls, even leaking onto the ceiling. The map, hanging next to his bed, ripped and sewn together again by bits of cellotape. Two opposites under one roof.

And what would I be, then, if I inhabited this room? Not a roommate, or partner, but possibly a lampshade, or chest of drawers. Unimportant enough to not notice every day. Only missed when unavailable. Perhaps I would be of no particular use, too, like Emily’s hanging terrarium, or Harrison’s tossed out marker drawings.

So that’s all for this update, y’all. Hoping July brings back a spark, lol. If not, you can bet I’ll be thoroughly looking for it in the meantime. ;) Thanks for reading!

--Rachel