#and usually the fucking off and starting anew is my goto
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manic momemt
#sorry but yknow there haven't been many of those recently#so uh#i need to drop out. stat#i cant do this not in germany djdjskska#just saying but it IS a step up from talking myself outta suicide every night yknow#anyway#it is great and i absolutely LOVE it and its my passion#but i dont see a way to do anything good with *just* that#i work at a corpo for christsake i code shit for cars there IS room to grow from here#i just.#i. am not doing well#academically and like. job wisr#so first step : im only allowed to do anything towards all that is when i sell shit i dont need#aka boardgames barely played#clearance air fryer and some figurines#......... amassed comics#i guess#its a test of resolve yknow? when things get REALLY bad i either puhs through#or get out#and usually the fucking off and starting anew is my goto#see: video games - art projects of EVERY kind - social and work bureaucracy fuckup - friends abd family#point is#i need at least a plan of a way out#anyway an union acquaintance recommended me an autism/depression/adhd experienced psychiatrist#so. theres that#anyway gosh im sososos sorry#i just. literally no one else to tell that to#and ill need to go back and read this later#wish i could communicate this kn German without sounding so idk childish#see polish is patetic but german is childish and english.
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