#and we hold our own favs to different standards but they’re all so out of touch

[evansbby]

this is really random but i fucking HATE celebrity culture and I’ve felt this way from a really young age. it’s like they live in a different realm from us… the shit they complain about it’s actually mind-blowing… like the entitlement

[9pandas]

I recently ran into a post on here where there was some disagreement about the importance of blood sacrifice in the christian religion. As a studious and dedicated former christian it was very disturbing to me to see that there were people out there who did not seem to understand some of the core tenets of their own christian religion. It is incredibly important that people understand the full beliefs of any religion that they are a part of so they can make educated decisions about how to handle their personal spiritual journey.

Therefore I have written a long (8 page???) essay on basic white evangelical christianity and its relationship with blood sacrifices. 

I will explain in full under the cut if anyones interested as this is incredibly long.

Christianity’s central core tenant is undeniably our complete reliance on blood sacrifice for salvation.

I will be speaking about the beliefs of your generic american evangelical church as I don’t know much about other sects of christianities beliefs. And will be referred to these beliefs are christian beliefs because I'm lazy and don't wanna type that much.

I will be relying on memories from my twenty sum years in multiple churches as well as the numerous bible studies I was in; including but not limited to several by Beth Moore and Kay Arthur including her Covenant and Jeremiah studies. 

I will be using the New American Standard Bible (NSAB)for all bible passages unless indicated otherwise.

This will include some beliefs that are really fucking anti-Semitic. These are the beliefs of the groups discussed and not my own.

I do not believe any of the things I will be discussing. I did for many years, but I have learned, grown, and changed and no longer do.

We’ll start with the covenants and original sin and then a small communion rant..

We’re gonna go through the bible in the order of the books in the NASB and the whole fucking blood sacrifice thing is wrapped up in the idea of these covenants (fancy christian word for promise or deal that's super old timey/biblical or a serious religious commitment like a marriage covenant or your relationship with god) god made with different people and groups of people. I’ll only be going through the big covenants and as some of them don’t really apply, I’ll just give a quick summary of those ones.

One of the crucial things you'll have to understand is the concept of original sin also known as sin nature.

Pretty much christians believe that when Adam and Eve fucked up in Genesis 3 by eating the fruit that all their descendants (all the people) got “infected” with sin. Like everyone has badness inside of them (Sin Nature = the ability to fuck up sometimes) and that god cannot be around that infection, that badness because he is the opposite of that badness and they cannot coexist because he gets like a migraine or rage episode or something IDK, so he had to do all this stuff so some of us wouldn’t be separated from him forever (sent to hell). 

Side note: most christians believe you won’t get automatically sent to hell due to having a sin nature. They believe that your brain must be developed enough to “understand” right from wrong and must have the ability to sin or misbehave on purpose to be sent to hell for your sins. There is no biblical passage I can cite for this its just what many chrisitans have decided to be canon. Some christians believe you gain responsibility for your actions around age 3, some around age 13, and some believe it just depends on your personal brain development and that there is no real way for us to tell.

Anyway what god did to “save” us from hell as a punishment for being people who can sin (fuck up sometimes) is all about the blood and the covenants:

NOAHIC (Genesis 9:8-17)

The first, like, BIG covenant is called the Noahic Covenant where god promises not to kill everyone again with a flood. It's not really important to my point but here ya go. 

This covenant involves the deaths of pretty much everyone in a rage killing by god because he thought they were wicked (Genesis 6:5-7).

ABRAHAMIC (Genesis 12,15)

The next important one is the Abrahamic Covenant. In Genesis 12:1-9 god just like tells Abraham to leave his life and wander off with his wife and that god will make a great nation from him and make his name famous in a good way and punish everyone who's a dick to abraham. And then after he leaves and gets to a good area god tells Abraham that god’s gonna give him this particular land.

And then like some stuff happens and later in Genesis 15 things get really weird and taken probably wildly out of context by christians.

Verse 1-7 Abraham is like god you said I’d have descendants but I don't have any kids so what the fucks up with that. And gods like, I'm badass, don't doubt me dude. And god has Abraham grab some animals (ram, birds) and cut them in half (not all the birds). And some vulture type birds come and eat the carcasses and Abraham drives them away and then falls asleep. Then god tells Abraham to trust him again and night comes. Then a smoking oven thing and a torch appear and like float back and forth between that animal parts and god promises again everything he’s promised before.

Now the fuck do we care?

 It's because this is the first covenant god makes to Abraham that leads to Jesus. And christians believe they are the spiritual descendants of Abraham replacing all biological descendants in the eyes of god and therefore any promises made to Abraham about his descendants are applicable to christians and not to Jews, Muslims, or any other groups. 

This covenant also involves the blood of animals. Christians believe that this is one of the proofs that all covenants must be “sealed” in blood. This makes the promise more like a business contract and makes it extra hard to get out of. Like a pinky promise verses a regular promise because you killed something or someone.

Next is the MOSAIC COVENANT

Ok, so if you don't know at this point Abraham had some kids and they had some kids and they all moved to Egypt where they are all slaves and there are tons of them now and they’re called Israelites and pretty much it the Prince of Egypt happening now. So the one Israelite kid Moses gets adopted/raised by like Pharaohs daughter or wife (some English versions say different things) and then kills some dude and runs to the dessert for like years and then Moses sees this bush that's on literal fire (but not being damaged by the fire) and god or an angel (it depends on what version you are looking at) speaks through this bush and tell Moses to go rescue the Israelites from slavery and he goes and talks to Pharaoh (who he like knows) and Pharaoh is like hell no; and then god punishes Egypt until Pharaoh sends the Israelites off into the dessert and some stuff happens and then they all camp out by this mountain Sinai and god tells Moses in (Exodus 19) that if the people hold to his covenant with them they’ll be his special awesome chosen people.

Again this according to christian beliefs. I understand that other religions believe differently about this passage. Christians believe they have replaced these people in god’s eyes and that this covenant ended with the death of Jesus and was replaced with a new one; we will get there.

And then in Exodus 24 they all make the covenant official and have a little ceremony.  

Exodus 24:5 And he sent young men of the sons of Israel, and they offered burnt offerings and sacrificed bulls as peace offerings to the Lord. 6 Moses took half of the blood and put it in basins, and the other half of the blood he sprinkled on the altar. 7 Then he took the Book of the Covenant and read it [c]as the people listened; and they said, “All that the Lord has spoken we will do, and we will be obedient!” 8 So Moses took the blood and sprinkled it on the people, and said, “Behold the blood of the covenant, which the Lord has [d]made with you [e]in accordance with all these words.”

Again, this covenant was cemented/sealed with the the spilling of blood. And christians believe all the sacrificial laws in the OT are part of this covenant so I will go into christian belief about one of these sacrifices and what role they believe this sacrifice plays in this covenant..

Ok so we’re going to be using Leviticus chapter 1

The sacrifice is the burnt offering.

Christians believe this was offered in atonement of sin. This is a hugely important one to remember to understand the beliefs I will be laying out when I tie this all together later.

Leviticus 1:4-5

4 And he shall lay his hand on the head of the burnt offering, so that it may be accepted for him to make atonement on his behalf. 5 Then he shall [a]slaughter the [b]bull before the Lord; and Aaron’s sons the priests shall offer up the blood and sprinkle the blood around on the altar that is at the doorway of the tent of meeting

So christian believe that you would magically transfer your sins onto this animal and the animal would then be killed to assuage god's anger at your sin. 

They call this the principle of substitution. The animals blood supposedly “covered” the sin of the person so god’s “sin-dar” wouldn’t go off and so he wouldn’t “have to” send that person to hell.

This is an example of a blood sacrifice to avoid punishment for your sin.

DAVIDIC COVENANT (2 Samuel 9)

This one just said that David’s kids would be kings forever and is used by christians as proof that Jesus was the chosen, special one who is the true king and totally the best ever. Because again they believe they have replaced the Jews as god's favs and that Jesus is their legit prophesied god/king. They believe that this covenant is still in effect as Jesus rose from the dead and is still alive and will return to establish a perfect kingdom on earth later after the rapture and shit (no I won’t go into end time stuff right now)

AND NOW THE NEW COVENANT

It's called the New Covenant or the Everlasting Covenant.

It is the deal christians believe they have with god right now. It's the covenant they believe they are under. The believe this covenant is what protects them from eternal damnation.

Christians legit believe that the only way to be cleaned enough from the sin nature/”ability to fuck up” you inherited from Adam and Eve is to either die and suffer in hell or sacrifice someone/something else.  Because as Romans 6:23 lays out “For the wages of sin is death, but the gracious gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” This is believed to be saying that the deserved punishment for sin is death. (And in this context death is believed to mean death as it would be without divine intervention. Death and eternal punishment in hell. Because remember, christians believe god is saving them from hell by cleansing them of the sin that he cannot tolerate to be around due to his divine nature that he cannot change.) and that by utilizing the death of Jesus we can be saved from that punishment. 

What does that mean?

They believe that in the OT people used animals but that it was a placeholder until Jesus made it down to us and died as the last sacrifice needed. He's special enough to count for everyone as a sacrifice because he was human but had never sinned because he was god as well but still todally human. 

And to be saved from punishment, for the sacrifice to “count” for you, you must be spiritually cleaned in his blood. That's why they say shit like “I plead the blood” and “let your blood make me white as snow” and all that fuckign wierd ass shit. They believe that by “accepting Jesus into your heart as your lord and savior” he actually, like, bonds with your soul and cleans it with the power of his sacrifice.

Like you magically put your sin onto Jesus, he died, and not that sin doesn’t “cling” to your soul because his blood cleaned you.

Here's their evidence:

Back to the Old Testament: Jeremiah 31:31-34

31 “Behold, days are coming,” declares the Lord, “when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah, 32 not like the covenant which I made with their fathers on the day I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, although I was a husband to them,” declares the Lord. 33 “For this is the covenant which I will make with the house of Israel after those days,” declares the Lord: “I will put My law within them and write it on their heart; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. 34 They will not teach again, each one his neighbor and each one his brother, saying, ‘Know the Lord,’ for they will all know Me, from the least of them to the greatest of them,” declares the Lord, “for I will forgive their wrongdoing, and their sin I will no longer remember.”

Christians believe that this is the first mention of the New Covenant. They believe they have fully replaced “the house of Israel and the house of Judah” and are now living under the terms of this new deal with god promised in this passage. 

A couple days before he dies at dinner with hid buddies Jesus said:

Luke 22:14-20

14 When the hour came, He reclined at the table, and the apostles with Him. 15 And He said to them, “I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer; 16 for I say to you, I shall not eat it again until it is fulfilled in the kingdom of God.” 17 And when He had taken a cup and given thanks, He said, “Take this and share it among yourselves; 18 for I say to you, I will not drink of the fruit of the vine from now on until the kingdom of God comes.” 19 And when He had taken some bread and given thanks, He broke it and gave it to them, saying, “This is My body, which is being given for you; do this in remembrance of Me.” 20 And in the same way He took the cup after they had eaten, saying, “This cup, which is poured out for you, is the new covenant in My blood.” 

Verse 16: I shall not eat it again until it is fulfilled in the kingdom of God.

Verse 18: for I say to you, I will not drink of the fruit of the vine from now on until the kingdom of God comes.

It's believed that Jesus is saying he won't eat/drink until he dies and his death fulfills the sacrificial need that must be met for christians to “be saved”. The kingdom of god will come when Jesus dies and the need (christians believe they have) to be cleaned in blood is met because once people can be cleaned in blood then the kingdom will be fulfilled and will have come. Does that make sense???? Jesus dies, people can be cleaned of badness, and that is the kingdom of god aka life under the new covenant (and some end time stuff that I will NOT do into right now).

Verse 20: And in the same way He took the cup after they had eaten, saying, “This cup, which is poured out for you, is the new covenant in My blood.” 

Christians believe that Jesus is saying here that the new covenant (that christians believe protects them from hell right now) was made using the blood of Jesus to save them.

SUMMARY

Christians believe that when Jesus died on the cross he took on all the sin of 2 groups of people:

The first group is: All the people who would have believed he is the legit son of god, also god (I am not going in to the trinity right now guys), if they had heard prior to his birth

The second group is: All the people who believed he is the legit son of god and god after his birth

And with his death cleaned all their sin off of them so they could be with god in heaven because they had no more sin for gods “sin-dar” to detect.

If we didn’t need Jesus to sacrifice himself to clean us from our sin then why did we need him at all? Without the need for Jesus blood there is no need for christianity. Christianity is all about the blood, all about the blood, all about the blood of Jesus. Because what can make me whole again? What can cleanse me white as snow? No other fount I know, nothing but the blood of Jesus.

And all chrisitians should know this because this is literally what communion is about. This is literally every good Friday service.

What is Communion and what does that have to do with all this?

For those of you who don’t know communion is a thing christians do usually do during the singing part at the beginning of a church service. It's a ritual to remember how Jesus died to save them from the punishment of their sins. Essentially it's a re-enactment of the scene from the verses I put in earlier Luke 22:14-20. 

So everyone gets a little cup of grape juice or sometimes real wine for the adults and a little piece of bread and everyone eats it and drinks it and thinks about how lucky they are that Jesus saved them from the punishment they believe they deserve.

Communion is literally remembering and spiritually partaking in and acknowledging this blood sacrifice that Jesus made.

1 Corinthians 11:23-26

23 For I received from the Lord that which I also delivered to you, that the Lord Jesus, on the night when He was betrayed, took bread; 24 and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, “This is My body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of Me.” 25 In the same way He also took the cup after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in My blood; do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of Me.” 26 For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until He comes.

And if you “do” communion with the wrong attitude can and sometimes does punish you. There's a story in the bible about a church that all got brain tumors from god because they had communion with the wrong attitude but a quick google search isn’t giving me the reference for that so if anyone knows that one please share it with me!

But here's more from Corinthians about Communion and appropriate gratefulness:

1 Corinthians 11:27-32

27 Therefore whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy way, shall be guilty of the body and the blood of the Lord. 28 But a person must examine himself, and in so doing he is to eat of the bread and drink of the cup. 29 For the one who eats and drinks, eats and drinks judgment to himself if he does not properly recognize the [p]body. 30 For this reason many among you are weak and sick, and a number [q]are asleep. 31 But if we judged ourselves rightly, we would not be judged. 32 But when we are judged, we are disciplined by the Lord so that we will not be condemned along with the world.

It says that if you do “not properly recognize the [p]body” during communion you are bringing punishment on yourself. This means that if you do not show appropriate gratitude for Jesus' blood sacrifice for you, you can be punished by god; but “ we judged ourselves rightly, we would not be judged.” If you show appropriate gratitude for Jesus' blood sacrifice THEN you will be cleansed and allowed into heaven. 

IN CONCLUSION

The blood of Jesus, the blood sacrifice Jesus made, is part of every aspect of christianity. It is the core of christian beliefs. You cannot deny that the need for a blood sacrifice is the literal core of christianity. Without the need for blood, there is no need for Jesus.

[thehollowprince]

1/2 complete fabrications made up by fanon to make a character same more likeable or relatable or to simply usurp Scott’s role as the titular hero, the Teen Wolf // Unlike Scott Stans, Stiles & Derek fans don’t need to erase canon or rewrite our favs as a completely different characters than they are in the actual show in order to make them more likable or relatable: they already are. So much that even ur whiny, bitter, OBSESSED fav Posey keeps gushing all over Stiles and Dylan O’Brien’s acting

2/2 completely unprompted and openly admitted that he wanted to play Derek because he was jealous of Sterek/Hobrien and desperately wanted Teen Wolf fans to ship Stiles with HIS character Scott instead. So yeah: if you think that Teen Wolf fans and viewers are ‘racist’ for preferring objectively talented actors and unique fictional characters to your bland, whiny, boring, toxic, irrelevant fav Tyler Posey/Scott McCall, then Tyler Posey must be the racist of them all. 🤷🏽🤷🏽🤷🏽

I worry about you, I really do. It can't be healthy for your mind to be this obsessed with how other people view 1: a fiction character, and 2: an actor you've never met and probably will never meet.

Like, are you okay? Seriously?

Because if you actually watched the show there's no way you can write all of those things and not understand how racist your being by going out of your way to remove any kind of context just so that you can paint the brown boy as a horrible, evil person. A brown boy you later go on to describe as bland and boring. I mean, which is it? He's either evil or he's boring? I'm getting mixed signals here.

I mean, the very thought that Stiles and Derek fans don't erase canon and rewrite it to makes them look better is so laughable that I'm actually kind of nauseous. I really do wonder what fandom you interacted with, because it wasn't the Teen Wolf fandom that I saw on Tumblr.

Tyler liking Dylan's acting isn't news to anyone. They were best friends both on screen and off. Do you not support your friends?

Althoughthat does bring us to the weird part of these asks. I'm seriously confused as to where and why Hoechlin and O'Brien came into this "conversation"? I never mentioned them. But this all just goes to further prove that you seem to have this mindset that if anyone likes Scott/Posey, then obviously they must hate Stiles/O'Brien and Derek/Hoechlin. That's not how that works. I can like Tyler Posey and Scott McCall without it reflecting negatively on the other two.

You do understand that, right? Please tell me you understand that?

I actually really like Hoechlin, and since we're speaking objectively, I can say with all honesty that I don't think that O'Brien is all that and a bag of potato chips the way some of you do.

As for all your other bullshit, please supply me with links to where Posey said all this stuff about wanting to play Derek and get in on Sterek, because I don't remember anything like that happening. I remember him dissing Sterek (in a way too polite for some of you) because he got tired of being constantly harassed by fans over a crack ship.

But we've already gone round and round on that one, so well just slide right past that and address your accusations against Scott's character.

We recognize that it was extremely OOC for Scott to do so we turn to canon to try and find some reasoning behind that move within the context of the story. Otherwise, such an incident doesn’t make any sense / Scott assaulting someone out of jealousy is neither OOC nor an isolated accident, though. Canon Scott McCall repeatedly assaulted Jackson over Allison, violated a rape victim’s boundaries, bodily autonomy and consent, mind-raped Corey, used Hayden as bait against without her consent, etc...

Scott threw down with Jackson when the latter was physically/sexually assaulting Allison at the time. Or did you block that out of your mind? Yes, it was actually what's-his-name that was controlling Jackson, but Scott didn't know who it was at the time. Should he have just let Jackson-not-Jackson continue? No, because then you'd be hear telling me how Scott did nothing while his girlfriend was assaulted.

You people really are a case of "damned if you do, damned if you don't". You are fully committed to twisting anything and everything Scott ever did paint him in a negative light.

I honestly don't know which "rape victim" you're referring to, but here's a better analysis of what Scott did to Corey which is better than anything I could come up with. Full credit to @princeescaluswords

Per the Hayden thing, where was this outrage when Stiles stole a police vehicle to hold a kidnapped Jackson in? When he killed Donovan? When he illegally made copy keycards for the police station despite knowing it could cost his dad his job? The time he purposely got his father drunk so that he could find out more about a murder case that he had no right to? How about the fact that he knew Lydia's body size without ever having really talked to her before? What about him trusting Theo? What about him assaulting Scott after he had literally died?

What about Derek taking advantage of three emotionally compromised teenagers in order to build up his own strength and then pretty much abandoning them when they didn't worship him as alpha? What about him physically assaulting a bunch of teenagers more than once?

I'm not making these up. They're all there if you actually watched the show.

All of these characters have done morally questionable things throughout the course of the show to beat the bad guys, but for some reason its only the brown boy that's being held to such a ridiculously high standard.

Hmmm? I wonder why that is? 🤔

Does it explain why Scott threw Isaac? No. There is no excuse for what Scott did, but the ritual that awoke the Nemeton does offer an explanation. And see, that’s the difference between you and me, in that I understand the difference between an explanation and an excuse / Your fabricated and already debunked “the Nemeton made him do it!” crap sounds an awful lot like an excuse for Scott’s canonical shitty actions and violent behavior tbh. Even Posey said that Scott abused Isaac out of jealousy

I really don't have time to again explain to you the difference between an explanation and an excuse. I've never excused what Scott did to Isaac. It's actually one of the few times I didnt like him, which is why I looked for any reason as to explain that reaction. It's not perfect, but it is plausible.

The funniest thing about all of these to me is that you are very clearly a Sterek shipper who worships those two characters and tears down Scott in an attempt to boost them up, but in canon, Stiles and Derek were two of Scott's biggest supporters/cheerleaders. So, y'know, sleep well knowing the characters you love were big fans of a character you hate.

I mean, that's so sweet it has to be fattening.

[androidsfighting]

The Adventure Zone fic rec masterlist!

surprising no one, I read WAY TOO MUCH FIC so here’s an incomplete list of some of my fav fics in this fandom! mostly Taakitz and Taagnus, of course. Not in any particular order - adding most recent additions to the top. i made an effort to provide commentary but as you can see i gave up quickly

UPDATE (7/24/19) - added a bunch more fics i’ve read recently, and a couple amnesty fics at the bottom :)

Taakitz

The Winter Prince by tactfulGnostalgic

Taako is nobody’s saboteur. He’s just an ordinary assassin just trying to make ends meet, staying out of trouble (mostly) and keeping his nose clean (sometimes). But when a mysterious buyer makes him an offer he can’t refuse in exchange for the head of the neighboring prince, he ends up falling headfirst into the tangle of a foreign court — and the arms of its ruler, Prince Kravitz.

Blood and Bones and Photos by Evitcani

Kravitz has always dreamed of cities: wrapped in vines, streets peaceful and empty. He never knew the world before the end. Still, life goes on and on and on. The homes he's known are in compounds of chain-link fences patrolled by armed guards, feral zombies creeping around the edges who sing to him in the unsettled night.

There is no cure. There is no hope. There is only what little the survivors scraped together.

Then there's Taako.

And the new world that Kravitz was born into ends too.

Wrong Number by argentoswan

Taako texts a wrong number. Kravitz responds. Everyone else is confused, but they're going with it.

(6:32) so we have moved from strangling to murder (6:39) This is… still the wrong number. (6:41) i know i’m crowdsourcing ideas. quick, best way to hide an extremely tiny body?

A Bit Alarming by argentoswan

Taako gives up his freedom in exchange for the safety of his friends, and ends up locked in an enchanted castle with a surprisingly polite skeleton. Beauty and the Beast AU.

"'I’m afraid your friends were trespassing on my property. It was exceedingly impolite.' 'Yeah, and it’s super polite to lock them in the fucking dungeons.'"

study in light by weatheredlaw

He tells you things, things you don’t know what to do with. They fall out of his mouth and into your open hands, and you fumble them.

Deflection Toward The Relative Major by AuthorGod

He means to say all of this, but all that comes out is, “Why? Why choose me?” Instead of someone better suited he means; a warrior, a wizard, a priest.

I come back to this fic constantly. I love Kravitz-centric fic (surprise surprise) and this is one of the best there is I think

of aspen crowns and catskin down by mildlydiscouraging

The streets of London are slick and dark, and not just literally, although they are so often that too. Here there is not only murder, mystery, and mayhem, but magick as well. Here people go through their everyday tragedies and refuse to see the depths behind their troubles. Here two (and a half) detectives search for the truth.

In the dusk of autumn, with wind slicing down alleys, the good people of London are disappearing. It's up to Kravitz and Taako and, honestly, mostly Angus to solve the case, and maybe a couple other mysteries along the way.

SPOOKY VICTORIAN AU aka MY ENTIRE SHIT

those afternoons and evenings and does he project, does he have ideas? by mildlydiscouraging

The moments and years in between, in which feelings take root despite the constantly changing landscape. Alternatively: The world has been ending for forty years and Taako and Kravitz can't stop falling in love.

tazswap with Kravitz on the Starblaster, absolutely gorgeous prose

Reverie by Itdominic

There was a time Taako really could have taken or left it - life, and the world and whatever. Things aren't like that anymore, he tells himself, luckily, because this whole situation might get to be a real fucking drag otherwise.

heartbreaking but absolutely gorgeous

finale by teacuptaako

After everything, the distinction between alive and dead fades to a confusing grey.

In the wake of ‘The Day of Story and Song,’ Taako and Kravitz start to build their futures together: a labour of love, compromise, trust, and a slowly unravelling web of secrecy.

While the two of them grow closer and closer together, they and the rest of the world get further and further apart.

kravitz centric again, this is such a WEIRD fic and i literally haven’t stopped thinking about it since I read it

Drag Your Cities to the Sea (No Light, No Light) by  Desiree_Harding

"The months in Her retinue are long, and the work is hard. Her standards are high, and to satisfy them, Kravitz must be ruthless. But his conviction never falters. She is omnipotent. She is the avenging force of Justice, and Kravitz Her hand. She will keep the kingdom free, and for Kravitz to do her bidding is the greatest honor on this earth."

"Taako’s fingers curl tightly around the ropes of the Starblaster’s rigging as the ship cuts smoothly through the waves of the Sea of Souls below, his heart pounding in his chest and his eyes on the horizon...In these moments, it’s freedom that hangs sweet on his tongue and settles in his lungs, and Taako loves nothing better."

It's a pirate AU! You know the rest!

i live for AUs

All the Things You Prayed For by @anonymousalchemist​ and @marywhal​

Taako's been dead for two years. Taako's been dead for seven decades. Depends how you count it.

Her brother is dead and Lup’s a whole lifetime into the future. It’s a brave new world out there and she’s trying not to think about it too hard. She gets the feeling that if she starts thinking, she won’t ever stop, and she can’t afford to be out of commission. She's the only Captain America the new century’s got.

Lup is Cap, Taako fell from a train, and eventually all ghosts come in from the cold. You guessed it—it's a TAZ/Marvel shakeup baby. We're bringing the party to you.

THIS FIC OWNS MY ENTIRE ASS

The Shape of Our Days Neverending by anonymousalchemist and marywhal

After the epilogue, Taako and Kravitz have a really good day. 

just some heckin good fluff amidst all this angst

Other Lives by marywhal

When Kravitz signed up for the job in Phandalin, he didn’t expect adventuring to become his life. He was bored playing for the well-to-do of Neverwinter, sure, but not this bored. He was supposed to make some quick cash, pay off his gambling debts, and go back to his comfortable existence as a bard. He wasn't supposed to join a secret organization trying to save the world.

But here he is, paralyzed on the floor of a crystallized laboratory, and he has yet to keep a suit intact through a single adventure

more tazswap! this is unfinished rn but it’s real good so read it anyway

Bury the Lead by marywhal

Taako’s senior year at Neverwinter High could be going better. Faced with a choice between joining the school’s floundering newspaper or being expelled, he opts for a career in journalism.

Lucretia, the paper’s editor, kind of wishes he'd gone the other way.

if you haven’t read this yet what are you doing with your life

These Unfinished Creatures by marywhal

Someone in Neverwinter is stealing souls from the astral plane. The Raven Queen’s favourite reaper is undercover and on the case.

Relearning how to be human is entirely incidental.

MORE spooky Victorian AU what did i do to deserve this fandom honestly

(you should read everything by marywhal but these are my favs)

our get-along suit by anonymousalchemist

"So, let me get this straight," the reaper says, scythe held flush against Kravitz's neck. A trickle of blood drips down toward his collar. Kravitz swallows shallowly. "You picked up a suit, and the suit happened to be a lich, and the lich wouldn’t let you go, so you just rolled with it?"

"His name is Keats," Kravitz says. "And. Er. Sort of?"

Our own, soft hearts by Wildgoosery (series)

Stories involving a Moon Wedding, its attendees, and its aftermath, written in wildly different formats.

you should read everything Goose has posted but this is one of the first Taakitz fics I read so I have a real soft spot for it

The Body Eclectic by SpaceJackalope

In which Kravitz has many feelings about being dead, having a body, and liking people and things.

A Quiet Refrain by @inkedinserendipity​

It starts with some of the most mediocre eggs Taako's ever clapped eyes on. Seven out of ten for taste. Zero out of ten for plating. Somehow, they're still the best damn eggs he's ever eaten.

(Or: Taako realizes he loves Kravitz back.)

it was your heart on the line by @inkedinserendipity​ and it’s sequels (links here)

one of many fics that inadvertently inspired synecdoche

Istus must be laughing. by writersstareoutwindows

"Whenever people talk about tattoos, Taako rolls down his sleeve. They’re sitting in a circle, usually drinking, laughing and elbowing and sometimes kissing. Whenever they realize Taako hasn’t said anything, he sips his drink, arranges his hair artfully over his shoulder, and says, 'Nah, nah, nah, my dudes, I don’t hold to that,' wiggling his fingers, 'mumbo jumbo tattoo fate-or-whatever bullshit. Chaboi Taako’s a free agent.'"

The present going forward. Memories in a jumble. Not a very neat story, but it's theirs.

another fic that inadvertently inspired synecdoche which i forgot until now!!

things left in the stars by mechanicalclock

You don’t collect things from places that you will never visit again, that’s foolish. It's about learning to let go in all the new ways, adapting quicker and quicker, having fun and forgetting.

Taako and Lup learn to remember.

a moment to bathe in our victory by AnonymousPuzzler

The apocalypse comes and goes. In the aftermath, Taako takes a bath, Kravitz worries too much, and some new feelings are reflected upon.

Taagnus

The end of the word does come and go, Page of Cups, Reversed, and Taking the dogs home by anonymous

About how the world is still here, and how going on can be done.

yellow by weatheredlaw

Washing the dishes, their fingers brushed in the soapy water of the sink and Taako felt a jolt.

Magnus turned and gave him a smile.

Strange Bedfellows by treshornybros (IamJohnLocked4life)

It quickly becomes a habit, and then routine. Magnus is oddly good natured about it. But then Magnus is good natured about everything, so maybe it's not that odd. No one else seems to notice.

They always sleep back to back.

Taako should find that comforting, and he does, at first. It's just like sleeping with Lup.

Sort of.

unremembering by  bluebatwings (series)

Their lives divided up into three parts: before, unremembering, and after. Love stories.

At the Interval by AuthorGod

Time grows stagnant. Taako watches as world become fractured and consumed, cultures and civilizations wiped out. All the potential a single person is capable of in a lifetime, just ripped away in a moment.

It doesn't get to him, and it doesn't get to him, and it doesn't until it does.

breaking the same old heart by tardigradeschool

Taako and Magnus in triptych: before, during, and after the Bureau.

The Blue Hours of Morning by daisybrien

Refuge takes its toll. Magnus and Taako talk it out, drunk on the living room floor.

Taagnitz

the only life you could save by @epersonae​ and hops (series)

this could also go in the Other category bc it’s All The Ships (including magcretia which isn’t even my thing but they write is so so so well that now it is my thing!) but I’m digging through my ao3 history and not finding much taagnitz that’s not  pwp/mine (a travesty) so it’s going in here. it’s also about taako and lucretia working their whole Thing out and it’s VERY VERY GOOD

no blinding light by provocation

Elves live much, much longer than humans. By the time most humans die, elves are just reaching adulthood.

Kravitz, on the other hand, is going to live forever.

the fic that made me ship taagnitz

in the focus by weatheredlaw

The sky was clear and the arms of the galaxy that surrounded them arched overhead as they lay in their sleeping bags, staring at the stars.

or: Kravitz knows there's room in all this for something between him and Magnus — he's just not sure what that looks like.

Dust by levelone

It was supposed to be simple: Taako was on TV, and Kravitz is a writer here for some pull quotes. Instead, when they meet in an empty diner in the middle of a desert, Taako says something impossible—and Kravitz believes him.

Oak and Mahogany by hideki16seiyuu

“Don’t try to pull one over on me, handsome. He’s going gray already.”

“He’s in his fifties now, Taako.”

“How much longer is left?”

“Longer than you’d think.”

---

Human lives can never match that of elves in length.

Take Up a Place Beside Me by goodnicepeople

"It's gonna be hard," Taako says, when they're alone again. "You can't... do that. Every time."

Or: Taako and Kravitz move in. Others move on. Some get dogs.

you are the life i needed all along by iwillbeyourgoal

along with the other memories he's gained from the stolen century, taako starts remembering his relationship with magnus on the starblaster.

these small hours by  ShowMeAHero

Taako and Magnus get their memories back, and now they need to negotiate some emotions, because they're having a hell of a lot of them all at once.

Other ships/Gen

I Have Seen the Fields Aflame by Desiree_Harding

She hadn’t meant to disappear. Had she known what was going to happen, that one weekend was going to lead to seven entire years without her brother, she never would have gone. But that was all it took.

A modern au in which Lup goes missing, and discovers that the coming home is maybe the hardest part of all of it.

i cried for like an hour after reading this

a thousand points of no return by anonymousAlchemist

Since wizard's daemons often settle as birds and urban legend says that elves are separated from their daemons, no one looks too closely at the fact that Taako and Lup are both single entities, missing the other halves of their hearts. They walk like people, they talk like people, and if they're hard to read because their daemons aren't fluffing up their feathers or swatting playfully with their paws, well, elves are notoriously enigmatic anyway.

This lasts until their first death.

All deaths on the Starblaster are strange. When Magnus first died on the animal planet, I'morko followed right after, both of their bodies dissipating into golden sparks, a strange inversion of the natural order. The pattern holds. Year after year, person and daemon alike dissipate into a fine mist of dust, knit together by the bond engine in the new plane.

During their fifteenth year, Taako is shot through the heart with a well-aimed magic missile. Lup screams and casts one last firebolt, spell-sculpting around their bodies, before unspooling into a fine golden sand.

snake eyed, with a sly smile by faehunting

The circus is a mystery that sets itself up for people who track its movements, for people who are desperate to find it, to find anything. The circus is a mystery that sets itself up for people to stumble upon.

In the morning, the circus is nothing but negative space and the revellers it left behind. They sit up. They try to wet the dust in their mouths. They start the journey anew.

creepy fae weirdness!!!! yes!!!!!

I’m With The Band by redqueentheory, Wildgoosery, and Woven_Gulch (series)

A series of connected stories, equal parts sentimental and horny, about how Brad and Taako and Kravitz fall in love.

wacky BDSM crack ship becomes Greatest Romance Novel I’ve Ever Read, has made me cry multiple times

these strange creatures by anonymousalchemist

Taako sweeps himself into the common area of the Starblaster with all the drama and panache that he reserves for alternate Tuesday afternoons. Barry ignores him with all the practice he has from a decade of alternate Tuesday afternoons.

“I’m exhausted,” Taako whines, draping himself across Barry’s shoulders, the sharp point of his chin poking into Barry’s collarbone. “I’ve been up since for-ev-er, working on this dumb transmutation thing for Lulu.”

“Go meditate, then,” Barry says, absently reaching up to pat Taako’s head.

“Meditate?”

“You know, meditation? Isn’t that, uh, one of your elf things??” Barry finally looks up from his book, barest hint of a wrinkle in his forehead. Taako shakes his head.

“Never heard of it, homeslice. Musta skipped that day at elf practice.”

Barry laughs.

“Elf practice, sure.”

you know... elf practice

all your saints and saviors by anonymousalchemist

It’s not so much that she wants to die per se, as much as it is that she’s done living. The female human life expectancy is seventy-two years on this plane (it was seventy-four years on her home plane) and she’s lost count of her birthdays. But the math is easy. She was twenty when she boarded the Starblaster. A hundred-twenty when they landed in Faerun. A hundred-thirty when the Hunger was defeated. She’s fifty six years overdue.

She’s done her job, is the thing. She saved the world, in exchange for youth, friendship, family. She gave up everything but determination. She considers it fair trade. But now Lucretia is a single-use tool whose purpose no longer exists.

In Her Bones by epersonae

She lives through the destruction of her home, but still they're separated, until Julia sees the green light, and the blue light, and has to figure out what to do next.

better give that heart a listen by tardigradeschool

Barry needs a fake husband if he wants to stay undercover. Magnus is more than willing to help him out. Davenport needs a vacation.

herald of a new dawn by inkedinserendipity

When Lucretia is five years old, she meets her familiar. At seven, she remakes it; at eight, she remakes it again.

Seventy years later it saves her from an unkind world. And a Century after that, it fixes a family that had started to break.

from me to you, with love by inkedinserendipity

Magnus shuts the drawer and says, almost absently, “Tell her I love her, okay?”

Kravitz pauses, debating. He takes a deep breath. “Magnus,” he says, and Magnus, detecting the shift in his tone, looks up immediately. “You know that she already knows, right? She knows that you love her,” Kravitz says gently. “You do tell her every time.”

Magnus chuckles, rubbing a sheepish hand along the back of his neck. “I know,” he says, turning a bit pink. “I just - I love her, you know? I really do. And I guess, when you love someone, you want to tell them that every chance you get.”

your stitches are all out (but your scars are healing wrong) by tardigradeschool

When it’s over, and she can barely feel what makes her herself anymore, the umbrella is tattered beyond repair. With her last traces of energy, Lup grasps for shelter, reaching out for somewhere to store her torn soul until she can be helpful again. At the edge of her awareness, she feels a familiar shape, a familiar warmth -- in her exhaustion she could almost mistake it for her own body. She reaches for it and pulls herself clumsily inside.

Safe and contained, she lets consciousness go.

Voidfish (Reprise) by inkedinserendipity

Angus McDonald is many things — the boy detective, for one. The youngest member of the Bureau of Balance. The unofficial little brother of the THB, however Taako insists he's actually their mascot. He’s a researcher, and a scholar. He's not a fighter. He’s not a hero.

But he can save the world all the same.

Patterns of Migration by goodnicepeople

Magnus builds a house. Angus finds a home. Migration brings things back, in turn.

Hard to Starboard  by BlueColoredDreams (series)

In the best world, it ends like this:

By starting over.

and the warmth will never die by Junkyard_Rose

Taako's been gone for maybe two years when Lup thinks she sees him shoplifting from a Hot Topic.

you ever read something that makes you astral project and you can't think about anything else for the rest of the day? me too

(in this category because it's mainly about the twins but it's also taakitz and blupcretia aka the ideal fic)

and at a certain age the child is grown by bimaukery

There are people in his grandpa's house.

AU where the IPRE family all moves in together and find the place less empty than they've been led to believe.

Amnesty

i left a light beside the bed for you by SyllableFromSound

"If she stares at the ceiling without blinking long enough, it starts to look fuzzy. Like there's a grainy film of static over the surface of the plaster. It makes her think of mist outside a window, of the big old tube TV that had sat in the living room of her house for her first few years of life and that had tingled warmly when she pressed her hand to the screen. Everything feels a bit fuzzy now, maybe because it's 3AM. Everything feels warm and a bit familiar.

Finally, Dani says, quietly, 'This is what I imagined it would be like if...if things had gone differently.'"

In which a couple of outcasts have some late-night chats and Aubrey ingests a foreign object to prove a point.

older than the trees by lamphouse

Summer is returning to Kepler, bringing with it humid late nights, not as many tourists as there used to be, and a certain moth man. Unfortunately, they're not the only ones.

Duck talks some shit out. Aubrey chills. Ned gets grifted. Indrid learns to see.

[throwingideasatthewall]

Clone Wars     Episode 3

      Shadow of Malevolence

Okay I have to admit I did not look at the episodes title before giving my review at the end of episode two

  Which was in fact “Rising malevolence,” in which I noted   hesitance towards the seemingly   unfinished project  and     uncertainty       To   whether       it   would       be     finished       or      not      or        if    this      was    just      a   standalone   episode     with      a      semi   inconclusive   ending         Given   that    ‘Ambush’       Seemed      to      be         a     self-contained       story

  Well        I      got      my   answer

 When       I   checked      the     next    episode      title       for       my       ‘next’      segment           So       this        is      going        to        be        a   seralized     Built up      Thing

 Alright

 Point I was actually going to      start with

    Was theorization                About              this          episode’s                 plot                Seeing                  as               how              wildly             different               they                are                   Despite                focusing                  on                 Jedi                Masters                       And                        if                      that                     meant                      that                   we’re                   going                      to                        be                   seeing                       Mace                     Windu                       this                   episode

            How this would mix with the scene                          I’m interested                              in                                Now                            on                             with                           the                         episode

[Logo]

 “Easy is the path to wisdom for      those not blinded by ego,”

  This one is complicated....

On one hand,      Yes, the path to accountability

     “Wisdom”                Is             easy            for            those            not            set            against              it

On the other hand,         “easy,”             the          path         of    accountability           Is       not,         It      takes     noticeable      effort

 but...

You’ll have      fun   doing     it

 Blue

Narrator

“A deadly weapon             Unleashed,”

Deadly, only if you are Plo Koon

Approach space weapon

From

It’s obvious space firing   point

and

Have no one     approaching   a different angles 

Aka don’t use Jedi   Council logic

This really is the Jedi     Council   propaganda station

Ooh    The Separatists’       Ship      Is     called     malevolence          probably   would’ve   known   that

(Had        The       Jump         Cuts          Not      Given        Me       Sea      Sick-      Ness) ��      My          B         Nvm        Name       makes       perfect      sense

  (Thought            it         meant   Malevolence           As        in       the    overall      feeling,      Makes   sense...)

Unopposed      Again    

Jedi   

enablers

After        A      ‘Daring’    rescue

 The  only      thing     daring         was     Which      Enabler          To          Take       Orders             From           (That           Was             My             Fav orite             Part)

       Sky walker              Prepares     HaHAHAHAHAHA

       You’d think              they’d                      let                him            prepare          anything

       (Also            teenagers                  can’t               prepare)

            Thought;                  I’m really                   Gonna                   Like                 Seeing                Anakin               In             This             Episode              (They            Specifically                  Mention              Him) 

          They            managed                  to              write                Pretty              Realistic                And             Consist ent            Child               Characters                 (With                 Little                 Bumps)                 Last                Time               Around                And                    I’d                 really                  like                   to                 see                  them             continue              that          consistency              with               (maybe)                some                (slight)            bettering

        “Droid          Commander,”

         Oh, who          could that               be...

   “ General grievous,”                Sweet

   [Flighters Landing]

       Omnious

     Oh it’s our ‘good’ guys                 “Strike Force,”

    They’re sending a teenager

   “ As the bulk of our Fleets are   engaged on the front line,”

         You are the sacrificial sleep!

         Also I love how the super weapon   isn’t even a priority

           Like oh yeah that going off    in it’s      own      little    isolated     corner

What must the rest of the    galaxy look like?

“ We’ll    be    on   our   own,”

Plo     Koon          is       just       here         to      babysit

   (And       find       out      who     gave   Skywalker     those    orders)

  “ prepare         our      attack    strategy,”

  “ Thank you      admiral,”

     Okay    first        line       from   Skywalker

    Can’t          tell     anything        yet

Sound   ed    a   bit   sleepy    (?)

Pretty      Okay

Not     exactly   monotonous

But     functional

     The       angle        they          are      holding        on        his         face      though...

  Bit weird

“And general       grievous,”

  Odd

  Softening...                  of voice

 And...   facial..   features...

Whispering         to     each     other

  “ Ha,       the      head     clanker,”

   Okay      other      adult

 “ Skywalker’s        getting      ambitious,”

   No the Council just really wants to throw     teenage bodies at it

   To see what happens...

We destroy general grievous    and the ship will fall with him

No         That’s not how ships   work

   This isn’t ties his   life force

  (That we       know!)

“ just point us to where that         metal head is   Sir,”

      Everyone’s✨        prepared             to            die!

        Yeah!

   “Alright, men settle down”

The fact that they actually      listen to him       on this

“ this is an important mission,”

That’s why they    assigned it to a teenager

       Also, War

There is no     important                  in it

       Battle          over        someone’s       grievances

       (And             a             lack            of      accountability)

“ we destroy        grievous       we can bring       the war                to a quicker end,”

      THAT’S NICE PROPAGANDA        YOU GOT THERE!          Anakin!

 “Skywalker...”

  (I swear if he complements him)

 “ this is an      aggressive        plan,”

    Thanks,          my       handler        came         up        with          it!

    “ are you sure your      squadron        can complete this mission?”

      I don’t know you assigned them

     “Let’s ask them, Matchstick,”

      That’s too much emotion

     “ you           sure            our boys            can            pull              it             off,”

          Little too much emotion

          “Yes, Sir!”

          Like that              but much less emotion  

         “There hasn’t been a mission              shadow squadron            couldn’t             complete!”

         Which Plo   Koon should know

Having their       service records

   “That’s right,  minimal casualties,”

   Some asshole          still died

          In this petty war

     “ Maximum          efficiency,”

       Maximum              pettiness!               Sir!

       “That’s                us,”               We’re enablers!

           “ I admire your confidence     pi-”

            But?

           “Even so, minimum casualties may be enough to prevent you from breaking     Grievous’s     defenses,”

                ‘ You don’t throw your troops willy-nilly into harm’s way        boring,’ - General Plo, probably

               ‘Master Plo is right,”

              “Ahsoka” orders

             “ it’s bound to be                     well protected,”

           Ok, here we’ve got a role reversal this time -             it’s Anakin being over emotional -  with           Ahsoka being on point              Interesting              But            still         worth       criticizing

        Children don’t talk like that

    “ Master Skywalker        seems to inspire       great confidence,”

   Still       focusing      on     Plo

 And his   re assumption         of   authority    over   Ahsoka

  So     so     far

  We’ve got Ahsoka taking      orders from     Plo

 And Anakin under   Chancellors’ control      (Possibly till     the end of   the series) though       with Obi-Wan    showing   possibilities       of       a   second   contender       And      Plo   showing   vested   interest      (Though          unlikely)                  Considering we don’t know how much time each Jedi spent with Anakin and it’s generally assumed   Obi-Wan   spent    the   most   time   around    him

 Until the Chancellor           Just keeping track

  You could say          that someone gave       Anakin orders obey the       Chancellor           But there’s no hesitation      when        he      orders        Anakin        Like      with   Obi-Wan

 Making      me     think    these      two      are    neck        and   neck...

 just     keeping      track     to    see   who’s   screwing    over   who

 In this power dynamic

“ he does lead by example,”         Little     risky    there

Still leaning in      on   the     monotonious

Ship leading out out Red sparks

   You could homie?!

   Like that thing is sparking!!

   That can’t be alright!

   Ship is a fecking safety hazard

    Before it even left the dock!

    Oh, wait that’s fire

       My bad

     They are not good homie

       Point taken

       Also your strategy is to     back up in live fire

       Ship literally puts   herself      in all of the live fire

    What kinda-

    Is that supposed to be reassuring

  * General       grievous       coughing*

            you good-

     Possible   assassination         target ?

     “-escort”

      Pretty          Sure         that        was a decoy ship

     They         just         stood        around         and         let         you       shoot        them

       Like pretty sure they weren’t even trying

       I didn’t even see any escape pods this time around

      The last transport is fleeing   General

      Or pretending to?

      Would’ve been nice to see that

      Never mind          there it is

      They           won’t            get          far

      Just         kind          of          floating         like         that

       Like          are         their        engines          even           on

     Charge          the       plasma       rollers

   “ They’re         moving           to        attack          position          sir?”

     Which           is          what?

     We’ve        never        actually         seen         this       weapon’s         firing            to       action     compared         to        the       rest        of       the        ship

  Either   getting     just      a   close-up        of        the     firing        port

 Or   the   ship       running      away      from      it

    Never        this         thing’s       direct         area         of         effect

    (Probably because the Jedi       never think        to            go          either         left          or           right,)

      And           it’s         painted            as             a            sort              of            ‘end              all                 be                all                weapon,’

            (Despite                 every                    time                   we’ve                  seen                   it’s                 effect,                  there                    being                      a                 clear                   radius

   A logic sin more than a storytelling one

                            And                              farther                              proves                               my                              resolve                                that                               Anakin                                was                                sent                                  on                                   a                                   baby                                 mission

                                 With                                     enhanced                                  importance                                      put                                     on                                        it

                                 “Are                                        we                                   clear                                     to                                   make                                    the                                   jump                                    to                             hyperspace?

                                Took                                  Anakin                                     like                                     five                                  seconds

                                  But                                           at                                     least                                        it                                establishes                                      that                                     these                                    guys                                       are                                      more                                  accountable                                          than                                         Plo                                          (and                                        likely                                          the                                         Jedi                                       Council)

                                       Fire                                          ion                                       weapon

Oh hey Count Dooku is there in     holographic form

Neat

Did   say   he   had    to    be   somewhere    else    so  that makes sense

Also oh no   they’re at the same exact place   Skywalker was

And can be rescued very   easily!

(Even if     not!)

  We’ve      lost      all    power

Surprise,     surprise

 Very     light   shooting

  Well     they     died         of     their     own     stupidity

 (If   they   didn’t    get     an   escape    pod)

 Boy    this     is          a      lot      more     fun     when   they   aren’t     shooting   back        - said every   Narc ever

“ I still          can’t      seem           to        hit   anything,”

   Dude...

 Grievous        Hits          A         Robot

   Dude      you   program         med      them

   Don’t     abuse      your    Roomba?!

    Just       don’t        be         a         dick

    “ Grievous,”

         Oh                he            actually             has             more             lines              in            this

  “ Those battle droids are expensive,”

    Hmm,

      And a bit of a personality

    Good for him

     When we saw him   last time he didn’t really     say        or do     much

   Except for the last scene   where he emoted            kinda scared

        Of course how     power levels are bullshit                Especially                 for            humans                But             that            was          chilling

      “The         Jedi         are       never         so       harsh       with      their-”

  A little moment of   things

  Also possibly teasing Grievous due to the     last time we saw them,     Dooku had threatened to report Grievous     to Sidious and we opened up       with         that   coughing line

(is it supposed to be   laughing? I can’t    really tell   and sorry      if I’m   jumping to     incorrect     conclusions       with       That-)

 “Clones,”       - With their child soldiers -

      Or I guess soldiers

      (Based on their          reaction)

   Then, again

   Positive grooming        Is still         grooming

    And Anakin   gets a fair bit of both

       (Verbally             speaking)

     The care   these Jedi           show for their          Troops

      Hahaha - ha

      Like if they had been shown to be   remotely accountable

    Like still breaking the toxicity   rule

   And looking back   And referring to them  

Too many    Unwarranted

 Times   

Causing   distress

 Okay

 But here it is not the Jedi’s treatment that has gotten     the better

It’s Grievous’s treatment...        that has gotten worse

 He brought the standards are lower      so that the Jedi seem nice

 Which is a pretty hard thing to do           Those enabling     assholes

  “A weakness we shall continue to exploit,”

       Yeah, toxicity!

      Screw being nice to people

         Or even a smallest sense of accountability!

         Honestly, I’m kind of pleased               This is the first time we’ve seen them plan any sort of   malicious attack

         Up to this point it’s been I want to screw up   Yoda’s day, and I want       to do     it,       now

       Juveniles        shenanigans

          This               is                the             first             time             we’ve             ever             seen              them              have                an             actual                 plan

           And                   I               Hope              they             get                 a                scale               of              escalation              

          Going              from                 Whoopy              cushions                to                 War         

            Really earning that enabling insult I’ve been throwing at     Yodi and            all the other          Jedi

     “ I        have         the        coordinates             for          a        new       target,”

    What??

    You’re          in         war!

     They         know            and        are      planning        to      mess      your           shit               up

   Still I like the fact they are     in fact    planning      to   mess   something     up

 Good       Job

 “ The     Republics...”

  Oh   cool     a   base     (medical)

 “Secret”

Okay...

  “Outer Rim”  Okay!

   “Medical        station...”

    Wait, no      you can’t do it that-     there’s people on there!

     Seriously          1 to 10

       Went from let’s go to blow the Jedi, to let’s go screw up    medically ill people

      Real quick....

         I mean I guess it matters who’s on there...

     “ it’s unprotected,” 

     “ 60,000 wounded    clones,”

        Oh,       well they did agree for     War

   On one hand          it’s pretty clear with my stance is on death vs accountability           On the other,           Enablers

      Well....             Looks like we’re not getting that         scale           of     escalation        today            Still           I         do         like        how        they        set           it        up

    And...     the   consistency        they        have       going

The       more     consistent       a   villain       is         the        more      fun        and   terrifying        they        are

 I’m also assuming all those clones in the introduction are going to die from tragic means

  Fully irony

Possibly    with    one   dude      left     to   enjoy     it

A mark on their casualty         record...

We will do them a favor

  That eye twitch

Like   are you sure about this,        dude?

🔹Welcome to enabling ✨

    “ Misery”

    This job is misery...

  “ There would be no place for the Jedi to send   their wounded,”        Except where they send their   non-clone wounded

  Like             we’re skipping right                                           to

Bombing           And destruction          Of hospitals            (This being apparently          the only one       in the entire    galaxy,”

 No   one   else   knowing   first   aid

Or     not   willing     to       enable     this   bullshit

    During a war...

 “And they will die,”

Geez     I was just joking about no one knowing                                                 any first aid

That’s what we’re going with

OK       harsh                   geez Guess to the bombing of a hospital...

“ it will be my pleasure, my Lord”

  Will it though?

 I feel very confident leaving the ship under your command      General

    Do you though?

   Like that’s a nice   complement

   But do you?

“General!”

    Shit’s          gone wrong

Hey, there ware those     escape pads...

Several minute.....after everyone else     Supposedly got blown up

 What ship....

Oh wait is that ship they just got electri.......

Did they just get blown up.....?

Like     you’re still      telling me       They don’t have       any sort of         Back up         power source      for this     now?

 WHOO     -O

 Jedi    Council

 With leaders        this bad    who needs enemies

   /j

 “ Target get those escape pods,”

   Those escape pods       should be        well out of        sight

   “ I have a   reputation to uphold?”

 Didn’t you lose them last time?

   Like I know pride

  Oh - back these guys

  I suppose

Then again I suppose we didn’t need that

 Since       it was just showing how ruthless         this guy was    And our ‘brave’....             totally not gonna die through tragic means              

       * as well as          Ironic

                                                                                                                Soldiers

‘Lol’

  Aawwwwww

    It’s        adorable!

(The Worrying   since the other guy       has        the expert        of tech          on         their         side

     Easy           To           Hack)

       The          only        acceptable             Garbage             Friend                 : )

       “lol”              It’s            Very          Cute

      And         R2-         D2             Nice

   Which       one’s        mine?

   Wouldn’t you      know?

  “ You’re       with        me,”

    “ you’ll          be         my        gunner,”

     Both         of       them       now       have        too       much...   

    emotion

   [Ahsoka       turned        back]

     This          is        either        going           to          be         OK          or         very           bad

     Asoka turns around with a pretty surprised frozen reaction

    ERRR

    “ What? I need someone to watch my back,”

     That, Just no

      Bad line             read...

    “Broadside could do that.....”      That, just no

     The clanky animation

      The enthusiasm

     The         Voice

     It is just really isn’t working together

      Which is a         shame

     Because child characters does can generally be excused for their       stiff actions

   But...not here

     Bad

   This really isn’t working

  Just

    No-

  Ack-

 Skip- - -

 “ you      don’t       like       my      flying,”

   There is just so much wrong with     this...

   ......

Well       I needed a break

  The switch to Skywalker

   To

   The Admiral?

   The last episode it was the introductionary Cut scene that did me in, this time I get the feeling it’s going to be the   character   interactions      (Specifically    Skywalker and      Ahsoka’s)    Conversations

Like it’s not the most        Egregious   example      Just a     little too     much   emotion

But then   it ramps   it up

And the   dialogue

And the Anim-

(-Ack-)

That   scene    just       does       not      work

     Now hopefully contin      -uing

 At a much slower pace-

  The Admiral

  -Ack-

   The acting

    Is not getting      better

   Might have to     skip      this episode        At least     the Asoka      parts

  (Ashame)

 “only general grievous   would go out the clones      that can’t fight back,”

       Why?

      Are you talking like a Narc pretending to be a baby with the     pursued lips

         Doing that   faked pouting         ‘thing’?

   TRAIN WRECK!

     I’m skipping

    Up to 17:03

      Plo looks strict

      That’s   All         I can deal with           in that whole                conversation

      (Sorry)

   On wards;

 Oh, a cool looking space station!

   And cool looking aliens

   And a strangely   smooth  sounding      voice

   “Transports,”

   It is not      possible

  To Evacuate all the wounded        in time

   Well get the    Jedi Council

   Have them play          Distraction

     Or just straight        kick those guys back

    Just because it can take a while doesn’t mean you consign everyone to death

     Also hear that - if they still manage to get everyone on the ship there’s no place for them to go

    Oh, so well I’m totally buying

   That the Jedi Council pull something       out of their ass

    Like ‘we do’

    I’m just noting   that

    This mission was     doomed     from the start

 Everyone       was   doomed      to      die

Completely       of      their         own     accord

  Human        beings       can       lift     mountains      when     stressed      enough

   Can’t      tell      me      any      of     this   nonsense    happens      on   accident

Playing   Death   tag   with   bullets

    Especially              from              Mister              no          mistakes

     “You         must           try,”

       Yeah         Doctor           Who                      is             fully                 prepared                 to              let             people             who            played             Death              tag              die

          Like              they             admittedly             signed                up                 for                   it

You know   in the movie     I jokingly   called   this guy     COMs        Guy

   But now that really is        starting to come true

   Like;           Does he have nothing      better to do?

 Then       moderate the     Coms?

Like   up   to   this   point   it made sense

Obi- wan     was     trying        to     communicate        with     Anakin

Makes   sense   that   his   guy   would pick up

But   why   here?

Like Aniken’s   launching an   assault       On Grievous’s     ship   his admiral      should      be   busy     As   the   rest    of   his   crew

And     an    in   superior    or   someone    further    down     the   chain     of   command     should    be   handling   that

“You   won’t   stand      a   chance   against       their     battleship,”

  And    I’m   not   putting   faith        in   my   child   soldier   superior

Obi-Wan

    Got     caught   snitching

   “ I      only      just    received     word,”

   Because       the     COM‘s   officer       was     busy

  Jumping       the        chain          of     command

 “ we’re   sending   troops      to       help     you     and      I’m       on        my        way,”

    This is why we don’t skip over things     Admiral

   (And maybe this is      brought up)

     Thank          you        master        Jedi

“ If they reach us in time,”

  “Do you really think they can stop that thing?”

    If they assume some level of accountability

    Yes

     I’m sorry a better way of putting it was responsibility

   It’s still tox responsibility

   But    using    their   brains

   Initiative

  Tox initiative          is         what        I’m thinking      about

So that negative outlook        isn’t helping

“It is our only hope”

       No...

    Not really

  There’s-

Ships Are   all     of   these   supposed     to   be   medical   ships?

Person

Ad      mir   al

Launch        The         Fighters

    ?

I’m honestly surprised   that the council forces       managed to be organized enough    To fly     in     formation

I hope   

you know     what you’re doing   Anakin

‘ I hope you’re following       my orders’

Well if I don’t I won’t be around to hear the   I told you so

  The emotion             Needs to be lower

“ that’s        reassuring,”

   The fact that he’s suddenly developed            unchildlike behavior?

  Not.. too bad

    Not movie bad

  But edging too close for my comfort

      Not tox         levels yet

  Take your shortcut

  And I’ll take the long   route

You know     this could’ve been a great moment         To contrast       Obi-Wan         and         the        chancellor’s         ordering           style

   Specifically             The      comment         “Take        your     shortcuts,”            And          the   possible   betrayal         Of        the     chancellor       lead      up

  “But      you     better       be     there   before      I     arrive,”

 Or     what?

Probably     just      trying     to    find    out    who   ordered   Anakin

 “i’ll       be   there     Obi      -     wan

“R2        -     Ooie”

   Oh     yeah        let’s      put      the   apprentice        in     the       most   exposed        part

   Great         idea    

whoever     gave    those   Orders

 “Cut      the     chatter   Ahsoka,”

  Hey     that     line   worked!

Fighter  escort   ready

Wait   why??

Wasn’t    his   troops   injured?

Shouldn’t      he      be   helping         with     the     evacuation?

  You    know   having      a   personal   connection?

Also   connecting   back     to     Anakin’s    troops?

(Going off the offensive defensive theme)

Seriously,   what   happened,       back      in     that   meeting        that     made        this      the      plan

  “This        is    Admiral        (U-Lot-in)                ?”

    Now       he’s          on    command

  “ Good        hunting         sir,”

 “ Okay, boys,”           Too        much     personality

   “ Drinks             are           on          me,”

      Great          just            don’t           fly          into           the          one         major        weapon

         Or             stand           around          doing         nothing

   Aka      don’t       be       Plo        Koon

Like     I   love   how   they   just   side     eye     ing     this   bas   tard     like      “it’s”       “Going”      “to”    “be”         “so”        “easy”

Mean     while       Plo ��   Koon        is      like,       :|

           Like                  you                 die              next

           (Dude watched as a unit died     you can’t tell me he isn’t planning on getting them in front of that the     plasma cannon)

             “I can already taste it”

 Eat   shit     Plo     Koon

               Then again this is a squad with a minimum casualty rate      So they are clearly the Mom friends

                In this pile                   of enabling

                Ship

                   Less    emphasis                          on                        the                        shark                         design

                        As                         anyone                           else

                     (Also, forgot earlier:                              Tragic irony)

                      Including                               the                               ship’s                            location

                       “ What’s taking so long,”     

                        “ I want to be there,”

                        “ Before too many wounded clones            escape,”

                        That’s   something                   a hero says

              “Sorry,                       Sir,”

What       a   polite   droid

   A   large   nebula

“They         told       me     this     ship     was       fast,”

   Dude     you’ve      been         on      this      ship,        you     know      how        fast       it       is

 Also     it’s   HUGE      Or        Supposed      to      be

Common     sense    dictates        it’s        not      going         to         be         as          fast           as          a        speeder

    Ooh          Setting          The           Scene

   Navigate       through       shortcut...

   “ We’ll           be         alright,”

      You          tell        anyone         else        about         this?

    “ A       nebula        can         be        very     unpredictable,”

     So,       why        are          you         here?

    Clearly          you      knew      the      plan

“ I   would   advise   caution,”

          “Don’t worry master Jedi we can hold our   own,”

        “We’ll hold your   hand,”

       “Right             Shadow          Squadron?”

     Aww, that’s nice

      “Copy           that,”

         Re-assurance

            Over               Con                  Fid                   Ence

“Does     any     one     care-”  

SHUT-        I’m        Sorry       But         This         is        Reach     -ing        Movie        Levels               Of         Toxic         Children      Writ     ing               Child-         ren           Aren’t            Devel       -Op      -ed         Enough          To          Be      Male-cious           Never            Mind         This!

   Bad           Writ          ing

    “Of       course             we        care         snips,”

     That’s-          not         how      children        talk

    Think             I           Might’ve-

     “We’re            Still          Going          Through             That           Ne              bul                -a-”

          [That                    line                  is                  so                   creepy]

            New timestamp:                          9:24                        Entering                          the                       nebula                       seems                           pretty                               well                             done                         and                          I                         can’t                          wait                          to                                  see                                more                              of

                      Back                             to                            the                        station

                    Weirdly                         Designed                          Shuttles

                     (Looking                            a                              bit                             more                           beat                              up                           Than                           they                           actually                                 are                               Due to the logo and                                 insignia                                Placement)

                           The evacuation is proceeding slowly    ma’am

          How?!                 Like we are led to believe that they were shuffling        out patients       at that rate

   But how??

   Even          if         all         the     patients      were     dragging      their      feet          I     don’t       think       it     would      go     this   slowly

And   these    are   soldiers Standard        don’t slouch-       Stereotype

Some of them   can clearly move                   right?

(Otherwise   what kind of         heckin   hospital        is     this?)

Those     emergency   vehicles      to      be   moving      in     and     out      a     lot   faster

(This       is       a   bunch         of     systematic     paperwork   designed      to     kill    you,   slowly   speed,”

                     Also only two                                 -four                                  evac                                Vehicles

That’s     Titanic    levels      of      bad   planning

   In general       I don’t really call          Logic    storytelling       Sins        but        I’m     struggling         to   come       up   with          any     explanation           of     why         things       would      go      that      slow        and         it’s      bordering         on       the        author        literally      forcing     everyone       into       their      rooms

  The author isn’t playing sad music and trying to make us feel sad about these obviously preventable cas.

  But     still               I     honestly     hope      the     storytelling      gets     better     (and    smarter)          Slightly

  “We       have       to       move        the      patients       in     stable     condition      first”

   You    weren’t    already       doing         that?!

  Also      no     you     move      the   patients            in      the     most   vulnerable     condition        first       because       they        are       less       likely         to        survive    

    You          can           get          the        people            in             the          most          stable         condition             to            help            you   

          And               if              shit               does                 hit               the                 fan                   and                  the                  ship                   does                 reach                   the                 station                   most                    likely                       to                     survive                       (And                   continue                   increased                      speed                      rate)

                   This                       isn’t                              (Disease)                     triage                      system                        lady

                 They can’t catch a                         cannon ball                     to the face                   because they’re                      around                              a                     person                       who                          was

                    ALSO?! HELLO?!                    Shouldn’t there be idk ALARMS                               going off??

                        Like I know you don’t want to alarm the patients but Idk this seems like the occasion

                      * I don’t know if this place even has a working       sprinkler system

                       Like everyone’s about to die and                          everyone’s just chill with it                                    Everyone’s just                        accepted death

.....

Like there are steps there      and we see   none of them

IDK, this one just   seems the most   unrealistic and   hard    to   buy

   “ The more critically injured will             have to wait”

           For what?

       A cannonball to the face?

   “But what about the bacta tanks?

    Many of those men         Can’t be moved at all,”

    ???

      Okay,              That’s really             stupid

         Like             beyond              stupid                 Even        life support         can         be       moved

They been at war for how long?

This medical station          is a       fecking     nightmare

   A    straight      up     trainwreck

No     wonder       the     transportation      is     taking     so     long   

And     (The         Cap       Ab      L    e)      people       in    the    hospital        aren’t     flee     ing

There     aren’t    any

 “I know Commander,”

   I made it that way

    By not putting any time        or resources into researching         movable        Bacta          tanks             As the hospital’s head

      Should be fired

  - cheapest excuse       for non existent      tension         ever

   Close up

   -Ewwww

  “Guide         the patients that can be moved onto        transports,”

     Again          what were you doing       before

  “ At once, Madame,”

 In the next 3000 years

 No urgency

     Whatsoever

    [Inside the Nebula]

     Dusty

     Nice

  “ The soup        is thick,”

    So...

     “ can you see anything,”                    Don’t look away!

        “ just keep your eyes on my thruster                    Shadow 2,”

          Did- you not give them instructions -     on how to navigate the thing

        What if you get     lost-?

          “The scanners are useless,”

            You typed it once, on your ship

             Also-

             No other to navigate

             “this is old fashion flying,”

              Anakin has gone full boomer

              “You have to feel your way through to stay on course,”

Asoka’s face              Sums up     my emotions          

     Annaaaakin have you been hitting the shrooms?

     Like the tone of voice

     And the animation

     Something in that nebulae         is driving Anakin a little loopy...

     Can’t even blame drugs

       It’s just un          ...canny valley

    Creeps me       the fuck out

   “- Ahsoka,        clear your mind,”

        Ok,             Master            Plo          and           Anakin           are             now           out            of             it

      Clones,           you            want             to             speak            up                and                stop               the            shroom                  trip

      “Youngling”             Gross

        “I can’t see anything   at all,”

“I always know   where I’m going,”

That one clone has the force confirmed?

  “ Yeah, where’s that     Broadside?”

   Called out      “I’m going to blow up that   battleship,”

      Fair point

  “A Clear a path if ever there was one,

  Yet you somehow missed

  Ohh, blue

  I really like blue

The slower move to the          back of the ship is nice     too

More   acceptable     red

“ We    have      one     para sec,”

Oh     so     they’re     getting     closer

Hospital might be 3/4 done

3/4′s       being      the   amount   left

Casualties with this attack

  They’re already wounded

 And the hospital   has probably     already   done   that

“ There’s              an       incoming       transmission            from       Count             Dooku,”

  You      mean      he       left?!

“ General       grievous,”      Stiff

“ I have a received information from         Lord       Sidious,”

 Yeah    how    did      that     -conversation-   go?

“ The       republic       has           launched           a     small      strike       team,”

When was this information was this   information   received?

Also, they sent the teenager

And   probably    got lost   in a   nebula

“ To    attack     the   male          volence,”

To     attack   the   car

“ Our       ship         is     unstoppable,”

  No     they’re    just   stupid

Also;     Weren’t     you    just   bitching   about      it      five   seconds      ago

“Skywalker        is   leading      the    mission,”

 Again;        the       teenager

   He           can      follow      orders

    And    nothing      else

 “ Do     not   underestimate     him,”

   He     might      be     given     orders           by            someone     with     slight      bit    more   accountability

 * Or       toxic      initiative

 “Ha        if     anything     Count,”

 “It        is          Skywalker         who   underestimate             this        ship,”

    You        really        like       this       ship       don’t         you

    And       It’s     power

   Again, ship

  Back        to     the     dust   cloud

“So     sky     guy     how     do    you   know   about     this    shortcut?”

   Don’t         like         the          way        it      was     asked

    But        still          a      valid      question

    It’s       an          old         smuggler’s     route

Aight

Pilots   used     to    talk   about      it     on   Tattooine

   Fair

 But also       did they say      ‘tell everyone’        right       after?

     Or was that the Jedi?

    “ smugglers’ route         that makes me feel better,”

         HaHA

           So funny...

         “ AlMorrow run,”

       “Al Morrow Run?!”              *Slightly panicked*

     Plo       you         know       this       shit         was          going        down

 “I   think    I’m    picking     up      a      contact,”

 I ThOuGhT the SCaNnErs     DIDN’T WoRk

“ Skywalker       listen        to       me,”

 Listen      to     the     guy       that     got     his     fleet   killed

 * 3/4      but       still

   We       need       to     turn   around

  You     can     turn    around     General

Every    one     else        is    High      on    Mur     der

 “ if   we’re   going      to    catch   grievous,”

 Another   Contact

“ this     one’s    much         larger,”

  Still,       just   smugglers

   “Is      the     nesting     route,        ~~~           ~~~”

  Again     they’re        just     smugglers

 Another

 Sounds

   Oh       it’s      just      an   animal    

that’s    fine

Taking   evasive   action

Why?

 You’re      made       of     metal       it’s     made      out      of     flesh

  Also     not       the      least        bit     threatening           at         all

    Also      cute       visual

    * R2- D2           beeping*

     Those        Gasovers          are          huge

      Yep          sure          are

     Don’t       shoot          or        they’ll        panic

Thank you,    Mister-    I-         want           to-       turn-          back-       because         of          completely          harmless           animals

Also the smugglers picked a pretty very scenic route

      “I’m        about          to       panic,”

 Completely     irrationally

“There’s so many of      them!”

 Don’t   sound     so   panicked

  Aww

  How did you      miss that?     You can       stop in         space       mate

   “ I’m        hit!”

   “i’m an idiot!”

    Pull        it        together       match       stick

    A     Valid    criticism        Also    Ha   matchstick     is     on     fire!

 “ I’m       okay            I      got       it,”

 By   doing   absolutely   nothing

These       things      are     going       to     make        a      meal      out      of     us

* SHut       up     Ahsoka

 Always     lineup     behind       me 

  Why?

   Oh       evasive      maneuvers      *smack*

  Dude...       that was your own fault

  Hurry,         they will not follow us             beyond the nebula

     Dude,        stop having a phobia about it           These are just      space      whales

   That one looks   hungry

  Nah it’s just smiling   at you!

 Seriously     Asoka     is trying     to start      an   international    incident

  Plo     Koon      is        not    happy

 “We’re     coming      out      of      it,”

 Seriously,        does     everyone     have       a      fear      of     the     space   whales

 Out     they     come

  “ let’s      hope      your     shortcut     pays     off,”

 Oh     yeah     cause           they      were      just       going         to         let       the     troops       die

   Or      Obi-Wan       is

   We’re        not         far    behind        Grievous       now

    Oh      yeah       he’s        still        in       blue

This     Could’ve   worked

Oh, no wait   

It’s Obi won

 “ 50%       of      patients   evacuated,”

  How?!

 “That’s        not     good   enough,”

  Again,        how      did      they     even    manage         that?!

 “ They’ll      never        be     finished...”

  Hey     you   wanna     know     why?!

 “ General      skywalker           still        has         a      chance        to       catch    Grievous,”

Because     you’ve     done   absolutely    nothing

Except   comment

 “ If      he     does        we     have       to       be           ready,”

   What!?

   “Yes           Sir,”            I       already      knew   this Back         to        space

 Every        -one        form        att       ing

Plo   Koon     looking    out    his    window

 Dude     on     fire

 What       is      the       Damage         To           Your         Ship?

  He     already       said     his       stabilizer   was     out

 This is just highlighting     that he’s a      dead    man

  At this point

   Designated      weak          link

  “Just         a     scratch         Sir,”

   Not     when       you       were   yelling     about          it       two     seconds     ago

 “ Don’t      take      any       more    un      necess     ary      risks,”

  Are you gonna stop        and fix his shit       or you just gonna      constantly       rem him out       for it?

   “ if          we        lose       even       a       single     ship,”

 Weren’t you just advocating for       eugenics  a few        moments ago?

  The mission        is that        much      closer         to      failure

Wow you assumed authority       is really putting the pressure       on these guys

   Also...

“ Understood     Master Plo,”

   You’re a failure

   But we didn’t lose any ships           And I didn’t

   “ Sir, another contact

   “ I thought           those things,”

    Seriously       not everything is          space whales

   Not following us         coming out of         hyper-space

   The Whales??!  A ship

   Oh that’s interesting     too

   I like the Sharks vs      whales        Design

   They       got       going       here

   I     hope        they        use      them       against    General       grievous              To      show          the        problems         with     harming      innocence

   And        a       great     metaphor       for      accountability

  “The   malevolence,”

  Here        we      go

 Time to kick   ass

   Wait

   Okay

   Why didn’t  we see the station behind our       heroes?

  Why were they in open       space?

   Why aren’t they shown in front of General Grievous    in this shot

    Is that’s supposed to be them?

   “ A squadron of a Republic fighters are        approaching,”

   Oh so they’re there         somewhere

      “Skywalker,”              Teenager

      Launch fighters         and             actually bring           the ship           around

       That’s             actually             a             smart             move

        “ There are several             medical transports              surrounding            the           station,”

        Dude          you’re involved in combat right now        why would you relay that information?

        Also            hey mate               you really want to screw with the           station?                Turn             the           power               off

         There             they              are

          Intense               death             music

           Target                the             transports                first

              Who                  has                  no                 emergency                 engine,                 boost                 or                backup              power                  supply

         I want           every           single           ship        destroyed

     Yeah you really need to a heavier      ship

   If you were planning to       play things this close

  Instead of distracting     them

  With the     Station

    (And transp    orts,)

 Clearly out of fire   range

 “Roger, Roger,”

Would’ve  been clever      if     one of the droids      screwed up  As revenge      for killing      The earlier         droid      Showing     Grievous      getting       screwed     over       by    his    own   petard

Well          They shot the       ambulance          Those          Apparently can’t do       hyperdrive

    I love that guy’s       reaction         Like      Well         we’re       dead

   Surprised          they        don’t        have      emergency        power          on          board

 Given     that    reaction

 “This        is       too      easy,”

    Yeah         it         is       even          for         orders

    Slow         Order     -s

    We’ve got fighters coming in

    Very       slow       ly

    Like        a      video        game

 “ Charge         the         ion       cannon,”

     But        sir         our            fighters        will           be        caught          in            the          blast

       Back to that theme of     don’t abuse your.   in -     superiors

  Fire       at       my        command

   The        dangers       of       assumed       authority       And           the         lack          of          taking           initiative

      [Also            a           bit          about          humans          ability             to            do            so

       And         echo      chambers

   “ your         fancy          flying            is          making               it                 difficult,”

        They’re               robots;                 are               program                 med                to                be             unpredicta           ble                 and            organiz               ed

         You’re        just         a bad           shot

     “Fire,”

      Well         don’t           just         dodge

    “Make       towards           the        edge          of          the          ray,”

       Oh            so        we’re       actually         going      acknowledge         That         And   that          Plo         Koon         is       just          an       idiot

   Give        it      everything        you’ve        got

  Why

 “ shadow          2          your         speed            is        dropping,”

     Oy!          Stop        distracting         him!

   Assu     -med         Autho       rity

   “What’s          W     -rong,”

    I mean       isn’t that the same dude     that got his stabilizer           taken out?

    Isn’t a    question      what’s    wrong

Nothing, sir,         just trying to       keep it  together,”

Voice says     liar

 You       can     keep         it         Match        stick

 *Spark

  They put so much pressure on him   he exploded

  Seriously all that thing does is        turn your power off

  Someone       could’ve       covered      him

   Took           Him         Back

   As    there      are      no     fi      ghters-

   Oh      great       took     someone          else        with        him

      Who          Couldn’t            Dodge

       Also,    

     whoa,    

      whoa,    

     whoa    

       wait    

        how  

        can  

        you    

        drop  

          in    

        altitude          

             In SPACE?!

          Like     Foul play          On         Storytelling!

 You   cannot   change      the      laws         of       physics         for         a          cool      set       piece

Especially when several other scenes     (even       plots)      depended        on         it    working!

 It’s not immediate                   (Or bad       Enough)          To warrant      A           “Tox!”

   That’s        the          fate          they            avoided

   “Shadow            Squad         ron,”

   This          is not the time        for a         quiet moment

     That         should be a two minutes      are you there

    Call          In

  (When they realize       they aren’t being shot      at)

   And that’s it

   (No Asoka       knowing the answers       because why)

    “Tag”           Poor        dude

    Needs           to         learn           to         dodge

    Also          just not gonna verify that from anyone else        are we

   “It looks like Skywalker has failed,”

    Again           Teenager

    Also hey he lost        two guys

    Mission         failure

    And Obi-Wan             the adult             responsible                for this                mess

     Nowhere             to be               seen

       Didn’t              he                   give              Skywalker                an                  ultimatum              to              be                  there                 before                 he                   was?

           Shouldn’t he be arriving at the same time as              Grievous?

   He lost almost half           his ships

   He had like       Five

  “We should go,”           Oh yeah        never mind the           unconscious patients         that are only in that         circumstance        because        you didn’t-

  “ I will stay,”

  POINTLESS!

  Back to fighting

  Good

 “ Stay          on           course,”

     Ok                guys            you              know            what                 to                  do

           Do                the                  exact               opposite                 of               what              Plo                 Koon                 orders               you                 to                do

He       lost         his       whole     fleet

All       deflectors     double         front

How do they not already know     this?

“Master,”

What?!

Why         would              you          just           randomly        say          his       name?

“ We         need          a      new       plan,”.          WHO             MADE     HER         Chief     Strategist??

One bullet       shot       nearby;

“ we       need               a        new     plan,”

“ we       can     make        it         Ahsoka,”

Question             ing             your        authority?

   “ let         them         come,”

    They           can             just            bomb            the            shit                 out                of             you

    “Prepare            the              ion          cannon,”

      When           they’re               on                top              of              your            ship

      “First             we               will          destroy             the              medical           station,”

    Should’ve.             done             that             a                  bit              of               time             ago

     Still         works

    But         wouldn’t           that             just      manage           to              turn          their           power         off

“ and        we           will             finish            off            Skywalker,”

      Again              he             lost             two            ships

Everyone’s         ready         to        pro-       claim       him       dead

Plo       Koon       Must     Be      A       Ghost

  -Fleet

   “I        have          a        bad       feeling     about     this”

Boss       gave         an       order       to     attack       a       hospital

Somehow      still           not         exactly       closer       to        the     ship

Bad      Aim

“We’re         too          close       loosen        up,”

Who     made     you         Leader

Whelp

“Ion           Cannon,       ready,”

“They’re          targeting             us,”

They’ve been targeting you this     Whole time

     No surprise

Alarms         should           be           blaring

[Tumblr Refresh]

[Giving up an almost complete mission for an idea that might just barely work is a bad idea

Ahsoka is not commander

There is no way that should’ve     worked

Ahsoka      gets      unjust      credit

   “Three Republic ships,”

Oh, goodie

Did Obi-Wan...

 Rainbow     explosion

 Obi-Wan   literally   waited    for     the     last   possible   moment

There’s no way he could’ve been that   slow

Anakin     do you copy

 How the     heck

Congratulations       it looks like       your mission        was a      success,”

  Without      your help

   And beyond any logic

   Partially

  But Grievous       is still alive

  How       do    you??

The   battle     was   pretty   rough    on   my   men

You   haven’t   said   bullshit

Ahsoka.       has     been     answering        all     the        questions

 We’re     heading     for     the   medical   station,”

 No   one   got   that   badly   injured

“We’ll     take     it     from   here”

Hope so

Since     Anakin       is     supposed     to     be     a     child

 And       his       ass     would’ve   gotten   kicked!

 [Obi-Wan... don’t let Grievous     Go]

Back   Here   again

  “ you didn’t do so bad yourself”

Screen       writers     killed     off      a   character     with   selective     physics       so        he’s     happy

  “Ah, excuse me?”

  You     did   nothing     this   entire    time

“ My   suggestion         to       change         the       plan,”

Com   pletely        Irrational    ly

“ From a   certain point of   view,”

  Don’t get   snippy

 You have no reason to be   snippy

Blah, blah

Wrapping things up...

   Cheap

That’s how I would describe this episode quality

   Not referring to actual production value

  (Though the Asoka and     Anakin scenes have a noticeable drop            in quality)

   Nearly      earning       a       logic sin         Of “tox”

  I normally don’t criticize      aesthetic         choices

  Given that this is a     war movie           (Based off one   at least)         And unsatisfactory   end  ing  s

Are     par   for   the   course

I really     think it could’ve   done better      in   terms   of   satisfactory    Setting     up      a       lot       of     plot    points     that    could’ve     came      into      play [General     Grievous’s    requirement      to     chase       things        down       to        protect       his      reputation...)    ]

 Most notably

How     ever

That it seem to be trying to make me to eat every compliment I had given to it’s prodecessor

 [Seeming more like an apology for everything the previous episode than an actual finished product

   - Plo Koon getting an actual successful role

The characterization of the child characters was       worse

The tension     was   worse   off....

Nearly   earning     that       logic      sin     from     me

Excluding the increased intelligence from the villains

 Which I did like

I hope to see things     get better

Continuing on...

[penumbra-rp]

Congratulations Aman, you have been accepted for the role of Alastor Moody!

This does mean that he has unreasonable standards for the world, sometimes. He can expect it to be…better than it is. He feels the presence of the younger order members a lot and considers it a personal failure that they’re involved. The ‘adults’ should be handling this on their own.

Admin Ash: Aman, it was all about the details when it came to your application. The fact that you didn’t shy away from Alastor’s disabilities ( the lost sight in one of his eyes and his utilizing a cane to get around after his leg amputation ), the fact that he’s so close with his little niece to allow her to interview him for her school project, the way that you carefully selected traits that showcased both the positive and negative points of his personality, even the pleasantly surprising music minor he took in school! All these things and more added something to our rough and gruff Moody that made him all the more human, all the more intriguing, and those special touches are why we can easily leave him in your capable hands. I, for one, am rooting for Order Dad Moody try to fix the world to his vision of ‘better.’ 

Please check out our checklist for joining Penumbra.

01. Out of Character

NAME: Aman

AGE: 24

YOUR BIRTHDAY: 9/11.. Why do you need this

PRONOUNS: She/her

TIMEZONE: PST

02. In Character

CHARACTER: Alastor Moody

CHARACTER’S PRONOUNS: he/him

FACECLAIM: Charlie Hunnam

CHARACTER’S BIRTHDAY: November 5th

PERSONALITY: Let’s go with 6 personality traits, and throw some negatives and positives into both of them.

Decisive

He’s not one to linger over decisions. He decides where he aligns very quickly and sticks with it unless something contrary smacks him upside the head. This includes but is not limited to how he feels about people, his alcohol of choice, and what fruit to toss in his bag for a backup snack later.

He’s a creature of habit. A lot of decisions he’s made are because they work (or because they’ve worked once).. Or even the other way around. He ate shrimp and got food poisoning once? Alright, forget shrimp, who needs it anyway.

He can usually fit things into neat boxes. We’ve got good, bad. Any shades of gray are tossed right into the bad. Better safe than sorry, after all.

Steadfast

Once he commits to something, he’s gonna do it. Doesn’t matter if it seems impossible, he’ll figure out a way. This can and definitely does lead him into some messy situations, especially because he’ll sidestep some rules to do it.

He’ll often butt heads with people who feel differently than him. It is very possible for him to argue for hours over something. He likes to think that eventually, enough reason will make someone change their mind. So yeah, he’s the old dude that gets into facebook arguments with the person who posted an anti-vaxx article. And then he’ll spend the next hour grumbling about it to everyone around him.

He’s not easily won over by the ups and downs of mass media. Whatever the hell Amazon did now is gonna have no sway on whether or not that HDMI cable is getting delivered to his place.

He can be a very strong pillar in times of doubt. He might not be the warmest, but he definitely is there to remind you you’re doing the right thing. Or call you out when you’re being a shit.

Extroverted

He gets energy from being around people. It helps him keep his head straight when he’s with company he enjoys. A lot of his friendships are built on mutual respect and bickering.  His sense of humor has grown a little twisted over the years.

That being said, he picks and chooses who he trusts very carefully. People fit in very specific roles and tend to learn about him accordingly. It’s very possible that those he works with might not know about his sexuality or that he adopted a dog last year. He tries to keep talk of work out of his romantic relationships, which has definitely led to a weird encounter or two when they stumble across his guns.

He can be pretty candid in situations and knows how to deal with the consequences of his actions/words… or at least he thinks he does.

Adventurous

He can be a bit of a thrill seeker. He’s spent a lot of his younger years with various adventure sports and enjoys the outdoors. Mountain biking, hiking, ziplining, skydiving, paragliding, and outdoor climbing have been a thing.

He’s been in a shit mood about his injuries fucking up his ability to do some of what he’s used to. He has definitely had to reassess his limits, but… he definitely gets a rush out of pushing himself to his limits.

The rush can come inside a city, too. He isn’t the type to sit still and is always poking his nose into something.

Obsessive

He can be very single-minded and has a tendency to hyperfixate. Often times, his cases take the spotlight (at the moment, it’s about The Dungeon). It can be hard for him to pull away even when work is over. He’ll spend his free time doing research, recon, lining up clues. This leads to a lot of falling asleep at his desk and then waking up with a bad neck.

Sometimes he’ll sidestep his own care while doing it. His leg, for example, definitely needs some attention every day. He’ll eat rushed meals just so he can get done faster.

The obsessions can def go somewhere else. He’ll get a crockpot and spend 3 weeks trying out different recipes and make more servings than can fit in his tupperware.

He has a lot of miscellaneous knowledge of random things.

Idealistic

His niece dragged him out to watch Captain America: Civil War a couple years back when he was visiting (shut up). Since then, Captain America is his fav superhero (fuck off, he’s never gonna say this out loud). He likes a man who knows his good from his bad and sticks up for his ideals. Doesn’t matter what the government says, what the red tape is. You should know where you stand.

This does mean that he has unreasonable standards for the world, sometimes. He can expect it to be… Better than it is. He feels the presence of the younger order members a lot and considers it a personal failure that they’re involved. The ‘adults’ should be handling this on their own.

He tends to hold himself to a higher standard, often involving pushing himself beyond his limits. He struggled a lot with losing his leg, since he still wants to do everything he could before.

BRIEF BULLET POINT BIO:

Irene Moody likes to blame her gray hair on Alastor. Honestly? She might not be wrong. A healthy baby boy should not have found himself in as much trouble as her son did. But where there’s a will, there’s a way– he’s a Moody, after all. The young Alastor collected bruises, scabs, and scraped knees like most boys collected comic books. Hell, she’d even bought a stack of them in the hopes that he’d sit down. It’d worked for the month that it took him to read through them all, and then he was jumping off beds with the sheets tied off as a cape.

It’s a good thing his mother is a nurse because the boy found himself back in the hospital on a monthly basis. His father claims that they could have bought a yacht with how many bills piled up, but as a writer, he’s always been a man of hyperboles. Alastor never quite minded the hospital atmosphere when he was younger. He’d lay back on his bed with his eyes open to all the possibilities in the white walls.

Their cozy little apartment was never quiet, between the two kids squabbling over toys, the radio cranked up to full volume in the kitchen, and the TV buzzing in the living room. His father was possibly the only person in the family who could keep an inside voice for longer than an hour. Alastor likes to think that things have calmed down since then, but their yearly Christmas gatherings show otherwise.

With a sister 3 years his elder, Alastor’s the baby of the family but was never quite treated like it. In fact, he complains that he got all of the problems with being the youngest with none of the benefits. Marie would argue back that he never actually fetched anything she asked him to so he’s not allowed to complain.  The pair would argue over everything, only ever aligning on the decision to get pizza for dinner. Leaving them alone always led to markers to the wall, ruined cushions, shredded bedsheets and, if their parents were unlucky, a food fight. Prank wars were not uncommon in the Moody household.

As a child, he picked up on concepts quickly, but would have a hard time keeping focus. His grades fluctuated as he danced from subject to subject. When he looks back, all he remembers are his red hot ears, ringing, and unable to process the long lectures from his father. Once they began, they never quite stopped. He began to dread the updating of the progress sheets that were fixed to the fridge, with more frowny stickers than smiling ones.

Alastor his report card once. He’d lied and said it’s delayed while forging his mother’s signature. For the month after, he held his breath around his parents, waiting for it to come around and smack him in the face. Miraculously enough, it never did. His sister likes to blackmail him with it even now.

At age ten, he discovered the Hardy Boys. Despite all his indecision, he latched onto the concept of becoming a detective and never looked back. The boy collected memorabilia and had about 3 different magnifying glasses. Grabbing his dad’s glasses from the other room became the mystery of the missing spectacles. Figuring out what to wear became the Closet Case. There was an unfortunate year where he insisted on wearing a detective hat at all times. He’s tried to consolidate and burn all the evidence, but a few pictures keep coming out of the woodwork… another mystery.

The kid never quite managed straight As, but he excelled where he applied himself. A little elbow grease and some late nights set him up for an admission at Hogwarts. Hit parents never quite got off his back about his performance, however, slipping away to college made it easy to unsavory hide the bits and pieces. He quickly picked a major in criminology and settled into it.

The music minor wasn’t planned. In truth, it was him foolishly following a crush into a entry level piano class. He fell in love that year. With piano, with music theory II, with the history of rock 101.

Before he knew it, his college years were over and he was thrust into a job in law enforcement. With his sights set on detective and an unwavering determination, he muscled his way into the role within a few years.  They blur together quickly as he hops from case to case, head bent down, crease between his eyebrows and small frown on his face. His days and nights are spent wrapped up in his newest obsession.

Never one to turn down a good adrenaline rush, Alastor took to adventure sports quickly. At first, it was simply a few good hikes and some mountain biking, but outdoor rock climbing, hang gliding, and bungee jumping quickly became favorites. He’d poke and prod people into trying things out.

Alastor’s the type of person who’s cut out for being a detective. He’s the type who can’t sit still when he knows he can be doing something. It’s probably why he keeps going back. The first accident involved losing his eye. The second, breaking his nose. The third, his leg’s amputation. Plenty of scars and bruises litter the spaces in between. Each time, he was put on desk duty and each time, he found a way to remind his peers that he’s still up for the job.  The loss of his leg’s still fresh but the invitation to join Operation Auror is one that he’s meant for.

Misc Headcanons/Thoughts

His colleagues are pretty smh because he keeps getting hurt and coming right back. There’s a betting pool somewhere about wtf Moody’s gonna end up getting himself into next.

He’s actually a bit of a klutz since losing his eye.

He adopted his dog, so he didn’t name her. But he really wants a dog named Jovi

His sister lives in America and his parents spend most of their time there

He has a really nice sound system set up in his place

He can play piano, guitar and is currently learning the flute

He has a bad habit of biting his nails

INTERVIEW:

i. How do you feel about your current occupation?

“Alright, kid,” Alastor starts gruffly, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, looking down at his niece. A flicker of regret flashes across the ten year old’s face as she sits in front of him, worksheet in hand. He grins and gets going before she has a chance to pick someone else to interview. “Let’s get one thing straight. If I didn’t like this job, I wouldn’t be doing it. You’re gonna be hearing this damn debate your whole life.” He puts on a voice as he continues, pulling a face as he mocks the voices that he remembers looking up to as a child. “Do something you love so you’ll be happy. No, you don’t need happiness in work, just stability. Blah, blah, blah. It’s all bull. Do what works for you. You’re the only one who knows what you need… This job, though? With what I’ve got going on’d, it’d drive a guy crazy if he didn’t live for it. ”

ii. What song would you say describes yourself?

“Ah…” He trails off, scratching his beard as he thinks over it. “Ya ever heard of Akimbo? It’s by Stradeus. This beat that gets me every damn time, you can feel it in your bones. Actually, hey Google.” Alastor leans back, squinting a little to see if it lights up in response. “Play Akimbo.” He nods and sits up a little more as the music fills the room. “You can just feel the tension build in this song. It just keeps going, and going, like when you know you’re onto something.” He holds up a hand, listening, forcing his niece to sit through the rest. “And right there in the middle, it backs off, for maybe just a second to breathe. Everything’s just still, pulling itself back together, then we’re going hard again.” His fingers strum against his thigh along with the music as he squints down at his niece’s page. “What’s next.”

iii. Does reputation matter to you?

“I mean I’ve done plenty and people better damn well respect that. But you’re not gonna find me tripping over my feet trying to kiss ass for approval, if that’s what you’re asking.” He’s been told it might make things easier, sometimes, especially with all the damn red tape in the department. Alastor, mind your own business. Don’t be so rude. Be careful about how you approach them. But then, maybe in the end it just comes down to the question of how well you’re willing to compromise yourself just to take the easy way out.

iv. What is your relationship with your parents like?

Alastor doesn’t answer this question immediately. Like any relationship, it’s changed over the years, and peeling back the layers is a process that could take a couple hours in it of itself. His parents have always pushed him to be his best, whether that be in grades or etiquette. He’s taken some of the lessons, shunted others, but there’s no denying that he wouldn’t be the man he is today if not for them. But none of that is a conversation for their grandkid. “Not bad. They in your hair, kid? Get overbearing sometimes, don’t they?” he asks, deflecting any further questions.

v. What languages can you speak?

“I had to learn French in high school, but that’s a bit rusty. Damn French people get annoyed when we use English and then get snarky when we use broken French. Can’t win unless you figure out how to dislodge the sticks from their asses. Anyway, I picked up some German a couple years back when I was working on a case. Mmm, that’s about it.” He pauses, then frowns, as he thinks about the ex who taught him some Arabic, but that was only enough to figure out when her parents were talking about him.

vi. If your home was on fire and you could only save one item, what would you choose?

“We’re going to use the term 'item’ loosely and say Luna.” He gives a small nod towards the dog asleep on the rug by the… fireplace. He frowns. “Oi, that wasn’t a hint, was it? Go put out the fire and turn on the heater.” He responds to her hesitation by picking up his cane and knocking her legs gently.  He has to smother a smile as she grumbles and gets up. “Go. I’ll wait.”

vii. Which Hogwarts University faculty did you study at? The Gryffindor School of Applied Science, the Ravenclaw School of Humanities, the Slytherin School of Social Science, or the Hufflepuff School of Art?

“Slytherin, criminology. Want to know the secret, though?” He leans in a little, smiling playfully, and doesn’t wait for an affirmation before going on. “There’s a bit of puff in there. Did a minor in music. See, now get what I mean about the what you love, what makes money debate? I’ve heard everyone talk shit about the other twenty times over.”

vix. What is your social media username?

“AlastorMoody. Luckily I’ve got a unique name, so it wasn’t taken. Not gonna lie, if I had to come up with some nonsense, I wouldn’t have made one.” He might enjoy the avenue for arguing with people online, but any butchering of his name leaves him cringing. His unique name has opened up to more ridiculous puns than he knows how to respond to. Alastor shakes off the thought and continues. “Let me know if you take a look, there are definitely a few articles I’ve linked to that I think you should read.”