#and what he has done for breaking walls in that industry bc my God

[monismochi]

When I tell you that taemin is the idols idol. There's not a debate to that.

Hes truly paved a path for idols and their careers and genuinely I'm forever in awe of where he's started, and where he is now 15 years later. Like... yall..

This man is truly the goal in that industry and I need you to understand how minimally his natural talent caused that but moreso his determination to hone his craft and then expand into different areas constantly so he wasn't just an exceptional dancer but an artist in all senses..

[herstarburststories]

(He Isn't) A Good Guy

Kinktober day 15: humiliation kink

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x reader

Summary: Jensen is tired of everyone saying he's a good guy.

Warnings: dirty talk (kind dark bc of the kink), handjob, p in v, riding, cheating, possessive, slapping

You have to be careful with what you're good at. You might just end up doing it for the rest of your life.

Jensen Ackles never caught the appeal of that saying. If you were really that good at something, why wouldn't you want to do it?

Such a mindset was as constant as a mother’s love and made Jensen's loyal company for a long time during his career. He pictured it would last forever: the head pats, positive criticism, and his charm that caught more and more fans. The Hollywood man was happy, really. He grew to be a good — if not great — actor. He had a wife and three kids that were the love of his life. He could go anywhere and find a job through the instantaneous recognition that Supernatural bestowed upon him, not to mention its gift of a best friend, Jared, and the raw amount of personal growth he went through. 

He was perfect in the most diversified aspects of his life, and, God, it was boring as fuck.

Whatever Jensen did, he was excused for it. Plenty of people would light themselves on fire for him (and hey, don’t think he was ungrateful for that), but being called a good guy that apparently couldn’t do any wrongs while the rights came out even in his sleep could be devastatingly annoying.

He thought he might have some problem, perhaps even a middle-aged crisis. Come on, who, with his life, would feel compelled to look for something else? Ackles had the money, the friends, and family. He had everything everyone dreamed about, but he just wanted to wake up.

Then, he met you.

You were the woman in her twenties who was barely starting in the media business, yet you had enough luck and talent to evoke the CW's attention that early. They wouldn't hire you as an official director, but you were in the training process. You were a prodigy, as most people on the set liked to joke about.

You sighed, slightly frustrated about the direction these takes were going. Asking Ackles to follow orders was roughly the same as punching a wall; the brick didn't break, and it only left you with scuffed knuckles and growing irritation. “Jensen, you need to tilt your head to the side or we won't be able to catch her face on camera.” 

“I'm doing that,” he said as if it was obvious.

“The camera doesn't agree with you.” You crossed your arms, tired of having this heated squabble again.

“I know how to shoot sex scenes, Y/N. I've been doing that for—”

You interrupted him: “I'm aware of how long the show I'm working on has been going, Jensen. Now, take my hint and do as I say. I get that you have done this before, but we are trying a new position, so your M.O. might not work.” You knew he was a good actor. Supernatural wouldn't be what it was if it wasn't for his character. Still, you needed this episode to be perfect in terms of filming. It was your first actual chance to prove how worthy you were. Jensen had his career and little apple pie life settled, but you had to scratch and squirm to insert yourself into the industry. You knew what you were doing. Nonetheless, you attempted to pacify his self-assurance by being assertive and gentle at the same time: “Just listen to me and try it. Please.”

The green-eyed man opened his mouth, very much ready to spit out a contradicting retort, but at the last second, he clamped his jaw shut and opted for a smirk instead. “Yeah, boss.”

It was the first time in years that someone actually came at him. Jensen felt the bruise aching his ego that spiked a sudden pressing need to puff out his chest and say I know what I am doing. Why don't you watch? 

He'd call that the Texan man behavior, alpha macho testosterone levels on high, but, honestly, he was just mad that someone had the audacity to talk to him like that, as if he was a rookie on his job. Jensen's whole body heated up, his jaw clenched, and his breath caught on his throat when he glanced at you — of course, he'd never put a hand on a woman, but God, that was infuriating. He wasn't a middle school child in need of a lecture.

But this was his first impression. As you gave everyone fifteen minutes to relax before shooting again, he went to his trailer, gait unnecessarily heavy like a child throwing a tantrum. Jensen locked his trailer and closed his eyes, trying to pick out his emotions — how long have it been since he got mad? That couldn't be healthy.

Do as I say. Your words were echoes in his head, spinning and making him dizzy. Just listen to me.

And the look you gave him. It wasn’t adoration as a fan or nervousness like a new worker. You didn’t excuse him as anyone else did. You glanced at him as you would to any other person on the set that had made a mistake: you pointed it out and didn't offer any sugarcoating to dull the blow.

It felt refreshing.

Shaking your head at the scene unrolling on the other side of the camera, you let out an exhausted sigh. This was your second directed episode, and Jensen wasn't making it easy for you. He always seemed like such a nice guy, yet you weren't surprised by his mulish behavior. You had called him out, and now he was turning it back around on you. Celebrities were complicated on their one, but male ones even more. Their egos required a role for themselves.

“Everyone, ten minutes!” you announced, placing the headphones on the table next to you. Your crew started dispersing, Ackles included, when his name left your lips: “Jensen, c'here.”

The green-eyed man arched his eyebrows, not sure why you wanted to talk to him so privately. Still, he approached you.

When you were a kid, you went through a phase when your smile wasn’t very pretty. It was too much teeth, eyes too tight, and head lifted high enough to show under your chin. Your parents couldn't just up and tell you that it looked terrible, obviously, so they just showed you multiple pictures until you decided that you didn't like something about it.

Maybe that would work with Jensen.

You patted the chair next to you, and Jensen sat there with a wisp of hesitation. You clicked on the scene you had been trying to get right for almost an hour. The replay went smoothly, Ackles's shoulders shrugging by the end. He didn't see the fuss about this.

“Seems good,” he said nonchalantly. 

You squinted your eyes at him. Someone as talented as him couldn't be serious about not seeing a problem with how ridiculous his vampire transformation through the last season was. “Seems like a sitcom”

“It's a dumb scene.” Jensen shrugged.

You groaned. “Can't you just accept that you can do better?”

Jensen crossed his arms and straightened his posture, holding a defensive atmosphere around him. God, he was infuriating sometimes. “Maybe you can. I've been doing great for years. You might not be the right director for this kind of show.”

“Just do as I said. You're in the scene, but I'm the audience. I can see right through you. I'm seeing things from another perspective and trying to tell you how to improve. That's what a director is for. Go ahead and try it!”

Your friendly conversation with the lead apparently had the opposite effect. As soon as he went back to his place in front of the camera, Jensen Ackles appeared to acquire the stubborn, incredibly unprofessional desire to take on all the worst camera angles only to get on your nerves.

“Are you kidding me!?” You elevated your voice, furious at how careless he was. All your patience has been zapped. “You're doing it on purpose. How can you be so petty?”

“Me? Petty!?” he said between gritted teeth, almost hissing as he walked to you. “I've been playing Dean for years. I know him more than—”

“I know. You do a big job with that character, but Jensen, you make mistakes. It's part of the process. You're a grown-ass man, so you can take what I'm saying and make something useful out of it. I'm the director; you are the actor. I don't care about how long you’ve been on this stage, and I don’t care for incompetence. You ain't doing good, so do as I say and fix it.”

Jensen tensed up when you said that, exhaling shortly while his eyes glued on you. You were half his age, yet the way you presented yourself — arms stiffly crossed, eyes ablaze and chin lifted — spoke of your power on this film set. At the end of the day, he was just a man, and he was in your court. Just like that, you held all control. He bit his bottom lip, neck red with the heat of anger and adrenaline that lashed through his body.

He was furious, yet all his body could do was react as if you had kissed him instead of punching his ego.

Anger and luxury both came from the same place. They were just different branches on the same tree growing from a common seed.

The half of Supernatural's leader actor started doing it on purpose, then. Not acting in a way that could collide with his career or mess up the shooting schedule, but an occasional bitched scene here and there when he had a chance, and always when you were in charge of the scene.

He relished in it: someone treating him like a man and not an untouchable idol. A woman who would look straight in his eyes and not be too intimidated, excited, or lovey-dovey to tell him all the bad things he needed to hear. You were someone who could put him in his place.

Unfortunately, playing around can only get you so far. If you bring someone to the pool, they won't be satisfied with just one foot in the water. They'd want to swim, splash water at their friends to get them all wet and soaked too. 

What started with provocative, fuming rage and nuisance soon melted into something deadlier. It was something unmanageable, a burning fire that attracted all the wrong kinds of glances. Yet, neither of you could help but follow where the smoke signal led.

You were here, in each other's arms. It was a dirty little secret that went way beyond just an illicit affair: it was about what you two could give to each other without even asking, and what other people could never quite comprehend. . . And they didn't need to. Jensen had you, and you had Jensen. To desire and savor the result was enough.

Your hand was wrapped around his cock, moving up and down in a painfully slow rhythm. You had two legs wrapped around his, your face hanging next to Jensen's — close enough that you could kiss all of his freckles if this were out of love and not necessity — as you spoke.

“Everybody thinks you are the good guy. Little mister perfect.” Ackles groaned at the malice in your tone. He hated that — how everyone called him perfect, how every single person told him he was such a good guy. You were his only grounding force under the blinding lights. “But I know you aren't. You are nasty, disgusting, and so needy for someone to put you in your fucking place.”

The male's lips parted slightly, a pornographic moan leaving his body. This perversion felt like a hair short of sin. Who in their right mind would be so turned on by a girl half his age picking up all the worst things one could say about him, only to throw them exactly where it hurt the most?

Why, in the name of God, did he want more? Why was Jensen bucking his lips, needy noises that he never dons escaping his trembling body? Why was his cock hard as fuck, ruinining your fingers with sloppy precum while he internally begged you for more? 

It was like receiving a miracle and giving it to the devil.

“Look at you,” you continued, a smirk painted on your features, “getting fucked in your trailer by the woman who basically told you to stop whining and get your job done like a real man.” You loved being in control of the usually overconfident Hollywood star. If only his dearest fans knew how much of a submissive he was — how he just needed to be told where he belonged. 

“Y/N…” Jensen managed to say, his chest moving erratically fast. You leaned in to press your lips to his, and he whimpered. Ackles' hand slid to your waist in an attempt to pull you closer, but all he got was a slap on the arm and lack of friction on his dick. “Y/N!”

“I didn't say you could touch me, stubborn idiot.” You hissed, getting up to throw away your skirt and underwear. Jensen sniffed, feeling so ridiculous about himself. You had way too much control over him, but he couldn't really care about anything other than you touching his cock right now. Fuck composure or else. “I'm not your wife. I'm not one of your thirsty fans.” Each word came out in a harsh tone, those syllabus together had no other duty but hurt him, and he loved how they agonized in his body, redirected right to his hardness. You got free of the skirt and your soaked lace panties. “I don't need you. This?” You gestured at yourself and Ackles, a wry laughter coming out as you climbed on his lap. “I'm doing you a favor. So, you better thank me and take whatever I choose to give you. Understood?” Jensen's eyes were obsessed with your image, not leaving your face once— not even to look at his hard cock that was so close to your cunt due the new position. He just nodded, wishing that was enough to show you his piece of mind. It wasn't. You slapped his cheek and howled. “I made you a question.”

Jensen gulped, the red on his cheek from your smack couldn't compare to his blushed body. This felt so good, finally getting what he wanted. Ultimately, he blurted out: “Yes, I understand.”

“Good. Now let's put you to good use.” You winked at him, a hint of silly playfulness before you got all his length inside you at once. Both of you moaned, the unique sensation of your walls around his hard dick was marvelous. So warm, tight, and wet. Everything he deserved in one pussy, one woman. You started to move your hips up and down. “You feel so good inside me, baby. Like your cock was made for me— I think you were made just for this, to be fucked by me. What do you think?” His eyes fluttered shut, Jensen was allowing himself to get lost into you. You were heaven in sin, fucking him so nice. You weren't having his silent, though. You both had to be quiet about many things regarding to your mutual arrangement, you couldn't get more of closed mouths. Not when this was happening. You grabbed Jensen's jaw, fingertips pressing against his skin. “You better start answering me before I get out of here and go get some with a real man.”

Jensen groaned, holding your hips possessively. You knew he was one of the jealous kind, talking about other men touching you always got a reaction out of him. “I'm a real man.” 

“Show me then, baby.” A glimpse of sweetness appeared as you leaned in to kiss his lips. It didn't last much before your lips went to his neck, words coming through an open-mouthed there. “You know, they all are so caught up in your act, Jensen. The perfect texan boy, the amazing husband, the unproblematic idol…” You chortled, sending goosebumps through his whole soul. His dick was deep into you as you were riding his restlessly. “I bet you get tired of this. I bet you just want to fuck me in front of everyone sometimes, just to show them how dirty you can be.” He nodded, a soft whine leaving his lips. He was so tired of being the good guy. Only you knew him. “Like right now. You spent the whole day messing up with me, teasing me, just so you could get punished. And here we are, fucking in your trailer, while everyone is getting ready to go home.” He tried to move his hips as well, to get more of you. When you didn't stop him, Ackles winced and bucked his hips, hitting your G-spot, going deep and raw inside your tight cunt. One of his hands went to your pussy, digits pressing to your clit. Your next words came during groans of pleasure. “You should go too, baby. But you can't help it, huh? You just want go fuck me, even though I don't even care enough to send you a message to make sure you got home safe. You like it. You love that I'm not crazy about you, that I don't care.” His heart ached, but his cock only grew harder. Jensen could feel he was on the edgy. “So, you stay here instead of going home to your sweet wife. You stay here instead of hanging out with your best friend. You stay here instead of looking through your social media just to get an ego boost. Is this what a good man would do, Jensen? No... But that's okay. Men like you just need to be put in their places, and you love it.”

“Y/N!” He screamed helplessly, pulling your body closer to him when he came inside you, marking your pussy as his. A treacherous, lust stained thought was placed on his shoulders, whispering lovingly to his ear like you did your swearing: breed her, get her pregnant with your baby. Make her yours.

You had broken him, and he loved every second of it. He couldn't wait to give you the shattered pieces as a gift.

You came with an excruciating grunt right after him, all over his cock. The feeling of Jensen coming inside you always pushed you right way. You sighed happily, resting your head on his chest.

He enjoyed moments like this.

You remained there, waiting for his cock to relax inside you, get less hard before you pulled you. When it did, you pressed a quick kiss to his collarbone, walking to grab your clothes.

“Jensen,” You coughed after putting on your skirt. “I'll send you the new script tonight. Send me an email to confirm that you got it.”

What you truly wanted to say was, tell me if you got home safe. But you couldn't.

“Sure.” Jensen answered with a nod. Once again, he also wanted to say something else: thank you for giving me what I need, for seeing me. I love you. But he couldn't.

You picked up your wet panties, throwing it at him with a teasing smile before leaving the trailer.

It was enough.

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[jageunyeoujari]

‘idea’ & self-knowledge as love as freedom

w thanks to @radiatingdyke​​ & henrik !!

so in a previous post, i talked abt spectacle & respect in criminal for context. now starting off w henrik’s thoughts re: plato:

"It’s honestly pretty ambiguous what Plato means by it- at least in the republic- The core theory is that ideal forms are a truer kind of reality than the shadows. The philosopher escapes a cave of shadows projected on the wall by a ruling class, the only “reality” they ever knew and were literally bound to. They crawl through a treacherous passage to find themselves face to face with the dazzling light of the sun which blinds them temporarily, and as their eyes adjust they find themselves in a forest and realize the shadow puppet of “tree” was not the real tree all along! For what the shadows are: Idk how developed popular media/conventional politics were at the time but we (America) based a lot of our shit on it so I think one strong possibility is we find ourselves in a modern allegory of the cave where the shadows dancing on the wall are the world as it’s told to us- through news education and policy and the “real” is personal experience and genuine community. Then shadows would then be actual reality as we know it, including the real trees and personal experience, a veil placed over us by metaphysical forces which can be lifted through Godwork to reveal the true nature of the inner workings of the universe. The last part of the allegory is that the philosopher returns to the cave to free the other prisoners and spread the light”

so while criminal is the revelation in the toxic cycle of the idol culture & mutual destruction & obsession are confused for love, idea is making the decision to learn what true love & connection is, leaving behind the suffocating expectations demanded by the industry, & in the process, become complete in his humanity.

so we first see taemin in jail, condemning himself for his role in the toxic parasocial relations of idol culture, and literally... calling himself out.... altho i would say that this:

in criminal is purgatory proper, the jail may be the end point of his journey there. he confesses his sins, his soul gets purified, & then next we see him in the bar which is confirmed to be heaven (which happens to look much like lee soo man's office) while the flashy models stare at taemin, the walking dead, the posh people in suits (likely executives) ignore him. 

so here we have taemin trying to fit in seemlessly in this world of the elites who have the highest level of control in the idol industry. here, he is assured his status as the best & now guaranteed to be free of pain... but on their terms. there is shallow comfort but nothing else. the others content w playing games & eating delicacies, surrounded by alcohol, but are contained to sitting, indulging in frivolities, & passively looking on but no chance of connection. the bar is just another form of intoxication, but unlike criminal where there is at least an illusion of attaining love, heaven is merely stagnant. this idealized heaven of the elites cannot give true freedom as it is based on sterility & exclusivity, just another form of social control. "the dangerous dream that swallowed me is proven by you." staying here would be another form of self-betrayal & denial of the love he seeks so he rebels against heaven through his dancing, an affirmation of his life.

taemin then being shocked that all these shadow versions of himself are not the truth... silvery dissolving forms... his identity fragmenting............ but still taemin still can't break away from the illusion that the adoration & fame he receives as an idol could be actually hurting him.

as @radiatingdyke has talked about, BoA's 'killing me' line is reminiscent of korean shamans channeling gods. significant that it is BoA who he channels as they are both similar, debuting at a very young age & have been massive stars ever since then. "you are my messiah" BoA cuts him off, speaking the truth. this isn't who he rly is or what he actually wants. he must face himself & the truth or he will die. 

the mirror steps are i think symbolic of plato's ladder of love. to my understanding, the ladder of love is basically about how the aim of life is the ascension of the soul to heaven. the gods can do this as a god's soul is in perfect balance w all the different aspects of itself which makes them necessarily wise & good. humans' souls are in disarray, however, & it is this conflict between all parts of the soul which makes it difficult for us to follow the gods to heaven. to do this, people have to understand the true Form of beauty, by climbing the ladder of love. the steps start from loving a body which one is attracted to due to physical beauty & by understanding the beauty of this body, one can then consider how the beauty of one body is found in all bodies. the progression goes on from loving more broadly until we come to the last step, love of knowledge & wisdom. now one is able to see the actual form of Beauty, bringing harmony to your soul. so in order to taemin to finally know peace within himself, he has to know how to love.

& the progression of the ladder implies for me that by first learning to care for others but understanding who they are in their completeness & beauty, you eventually are able to learn to care for yourself & see the beauty in your own soul. & on the flip side, the better able you care for yourself, the more you are able to care for others. i'll discuss this more when i go into my thoughts on act 2 as a whole but basically, the rest of act 2 has a truly warm & loving atmosphere when taemin speaks to the other. in comparison, act 1 presents his experience of 'love' as enmeshment, painful, confusing, losing his self of sense to cater to the desires of the other. there are feelings of obligation to stay in this destructive relationship bc that’s his prescribed role & anyway, any attention is better than none at all. 

ppl w a poor sense of self can readily suffer mistreatment for the sake of a semblance of connection, confusing obsession for love when what’s rly happening is actually cathexis, an investment of emotions. while care & affection can exist w cathexis, as does happen in fans’ relations w idols, this is not the same thing as love which liberates & cultivates growth in yourself & the other. fans’ obsession w idols quickly flipping to hate when idols stray from the designated persona of perfection is investment in that image but is not real love. in act 1, he does not understand the other clearly for what it is, destruction that must end, & the fact that he is suffering. without such awareness, he is incapable of truly giving & receiving love. 

& while act 2 does have similar themes of taking on other's pain, it becomes a stark contrast to act 1 bc he does so from a place of utter assurance of his identity & true self-love, not from the fear of being left alone. he loves himself for who he is so he is able to love for ourselves purely as well.

& as @radiatingdyke has said (& in much more detail than i can) the ladder reflecting the sky can also be a reference to indigenous korean beliefs where the sky represents the entire universe. the creator god is Hanulnim, literally sky god.  

 also, even tho NGDA as a whole is replete w western imagery & references & v catholic, the overarching narrative of the 2 albums don't feel western to me in that there never is a fight between good & evil. a typical western narrative would be more like there would the defeat of like 'criminal' taemin by 'good' taemin or an obvious redemption arc. & to me, idea doesn't read so much as he confronts & then accepts both the good & the bad in him but that he leaves behind these limited concepts altogether & instead connects back to the true essence of the universe & becomes free to be utterly himself.

he’s struggled so much over the course of his career w figuring out how to reconcile the duality of himself, what it means to be authentic as an idol, wishing for his true self to be seen & appreciated. it’s always been looking outward for that validation but skirting away from revealing the whole truth of himself... & idea is the final answer to all that. no more denial, repression, burning away of the past, configuration to other ppl’s desires, no more use of mystery as a defense against the fear of being rejected if people see him for who he really is. he accepts himself for who he is & that’s all that matters.

in classic gaytholic taem fashion, he compares himself to jesus + mary + other divinity in NGDA imagery but ultimately, taemin is done w being both a god & the condemned. “i’ve finally opened my eyes.” he’s never been anything but a human being & he’s showing us all the beauty in that.

[badbookreviewclub]

Empress Theresa, Chapters 21-28. IT’S FINALLY OVER.

Disclaimer: If you haven’t read the previous review, you can find it here (chapters 11-20). This will contain spoilers. 

Well, the ending is finally here and holy fuck this book went off the rails. I only have one reaction to the ending of it and that’s just what the fuck. Just… What The Fuck Norman whatever the fuck you were on when you wrote the end of this book must have been some powerful shit because holy fuck. Let’s just get started and maybe you’ll see what I mean. These chapters are also completely nonsensical in how they’re put together and just so much information is shoved into them that it can get confusing. I’ll do my best to keep it clear. Chapter 21 The boat that was driven into the Exxon Maria was deemed as a terrorist attack because “the world know that this had been a terrorist bombing” (pg 321). They know this because a bunch of explosives had been smuggled onto the boat beforehand by Middle Eastern terrorists (because Norman is convinced there are no other kind of terrorists) and they drove it straight into the Exxon Maria to try and get back at Theresa for her oil mining operation. So how does Theresa retaliate? She drops the price of oil down to ten dollars a barrel. Thinking that OPEC (which I guess Norman still thinks is a terrorist organization. It’s not) is going to retaliate, Theresa has her parents moved to a safe place (West Point), and tells Prime Minister Scherzer that they have to evacuate the Israeli people now. He tells her that it will take 36 hours to start the evacuation. To remind Saudi Arabia of their deal (because there was a deal apparently in Theresa’s mind, even though there was absolutely no deals made, just an offer put on the table) Theresa raises a mountain in the middle of the Saudi Arabian desert. 

When the Israeli people start to cross evacuate via the landbridge to Crete because as it turns out, no, the island isn’t ready yet, Theresa parts the fucking sea to make giant water walls that terrorists and missiles can’t get through. Moses parting the Red Sea moment, anyone? Because of this, Prime Minister Scherzer calls Theresa the ‘Right Hand of God’. Theresa also decides that it’s time for her to head home, so the Ambassador of the United States to England asks if she would ride home on the Ronald Reagan (the same ship that led took her to the plane she was supposed to be blown up on) to give the ship her honor back. Theresa disagrees, but Steve says that Theresa should play (American) football with the navy of the Ronald Reagan against the Army (I think Norman means foot soldiers specifically). Theresa does agree eventually. 

Someone attempts to do the same drop that Theresa did when she was almost blown up and of course, rather than dissuading them, Theresa gives him tips on how he might survive. Unsurprisingly, he fucking dies. All Theresa does is say “oh whoopsy-doopsy, he fell into still water, not wavy water like I did. Must be why. Sorry that you’re dead bro. Nobody should do that again.” Chapter 22 

Theresa heads back to the United States, but in the process, HAL puts everyone in the plane into a deep sleep, including the piolets and every electronic. Somehow though, the Autopilot still works, so that’s lucky for Theresa I guess. Bitch learns how to fly a plane in under four hours. She lands it after causing millions of dollars worth of damages to the windows of buildings after flying just a little too low to them and as such that causes a lot of injuries, but she doesn’t get in trouble for that because she’s just too sweet and innocent for that. 

Chapter 23 

Am I moving really fast through this? I feel like I am. Though I will say, it’s definitely because I want to be done with this book as fast as I possibly can it’s so fucking dumb. I hate this book so much. I have never met a book that has baffled me as much as this one but absolutely fueled my anger to no end. Anyways… Theresa arrives at West Point (where her parents are) and going to the ranch house that was built specifically for her and her family. The football game takes place, and surprisingly, Theresa and the Navy lose to the Army. 48-36. I don’t know American football very well, despite living in the United States, so if anyone could tell me how good this is I would really appreciate it. 

We learn that her island is producing 3 million barrels of oil a day and by the next year is predicted to be producing 15 million barrels a day, so Theresa is rich as fuck and is going to have a monopoly on oil (what a wonderful capitalist she is). Because all the oil tycoons are worried she’s going to monopolize (she is) and then raise the price drastically, they put her into a two-year deal (bc that’s long enough) saying that the price can’t go above ten dollars a barrel. Theresa agrees without hesitation. 

It’s suggested to Theresa that she should monopolize the manufacturing industry as well, but she turns that down because it could “start a global trade war” (pg 370). 

Theresa, while being a jerk and ignoring everybody when she goes out into public because how could she possibly be expected to meet or even wave or smile at people, finally gives in and talks to 10 North Korean men (via a translator) who have brought her a PBS Documentary to show her the conditions of North Korea. Theresa watches it and is so moved that she comes down and tells the men that she’ll save their families. So essentially, this one PBS Documentary has convinced Theresa to declare war on North Korea’s government. 

Because the North Korean’s wouldn’t listen to her because she holds no power, Theresa joins the army (not really because she never ever ever ever sees combat, but she gets the titles that come with it). 

Chapter 25

Theresa gets her uniform. She specifically requests to have the male uniform because the female one doesn’t look powerful enough. She also gets men’s shoes instead of women’s shoes because the women’s would look stupid with the men’s uniform, I guess. Theresa also insists on wearing her hair down because nobody is going to say jack shit to her about it. Because Theresa got the uniform we learn that Steve has a uniform kink. “Steve thought I looked awful cute in my little uniform.  “‘Hon, you never looked better. It turns me on’” (pg 389). 

Now Norman, I thought this book didn’t have sexual content? Yet here we are, learning about Steve’s fetishes. I’m not going to fetish shame anyone, and more power to you Steve for being open with your sexuality, though I just wanted to point out that Norman specifically said this wouldn’t happen (just like the swearing). 

Anyways, Theresa goes to a meeting at the White House where she immediately becomes a five-star general, the first person after Omar Bradley died. Now I may be wrong, but Omar Bradley was a World War II veteran (a senior officer) and was Chairman of the Joint Cheifs of Staff and oversaw policymaking during the Korean War. The only thing Theresa has (realistically) done up until this point is kill off most of the population, if not all of the population. 

Theresa came up with the idea earlier on that the only way to liberate North Korea is to destroy their weaponry in a certain mile radius and then take over as their dictator for the time being until things could get set up. In a really complicated matter, Theresa sets up a plan wherein ten-miles around Pyongyang, the capital of North Korea, all weapons, planes, bombs, missiles, and helicopters will be destroyed. She works with the South Korean government in order to achieve this with HAL and so they can invade safely. 

But, duN DUN DUN! because all the weapons are destroyed, the government orders unarmed citizens and soldiers and other personnel to attack as soon as they see Theresa and the army. Because there’s 5 million of them, the South Korean army knows that they’ll be easily overwhelmed. Theresa’s solution? Take a Japanese island and move it a bit closer to North and South Korea, and then break North and South Korea away from China and move it closer to the Japanese Island. This way the Japanese Island can build a bridge over and then teach North Korea about a new government. And it fucking works. 

They invade Pyongyang after doing this and the South Korean army basically liters the city with pictures of Theresa’s face and a promise that she’s going to save and liberate them all. They drop all these pictures and promises with an airplane to hopefully quell the people’s worries. There’s a big crowd of North Koreans who are basically lining a gigantic boulevard and the South Korean’s are surrounding the tanks and Theresa, prepared to shoot anyone who gets rowdy or gets too close. Theresa tells them their leaders have left them on a complete fucking bluff, and the South Korean general who has been working with her confirms that they fled to China. Theresa is so relieved by this she almost starts crying, and then the North Korean’s start cheering and wailing and are basically so so so so so happy that Theresa is their new leader. 

And Theresa’s big speech as the new leader? She reads the first couple of paragraphs from the Declaration of Independence. And it’s a smash hit and her greatest success ever. She gives it to a translator so that the North Korean people can understand and just… “Nobody could translate such elegant language on the fly and maintain its beauty. I anticipated that. I’d given the translator the English text the day before and she worked all night at it. When I finished speaking she read what I’d said in Korean with all the emotions and nuances only a Korea could express. My speech or rather the translator’s rendition of it was a spectacular success. The crowd cheered their hearts out. Witnesses said President Stinson cried when I gave the speech. This event, broadcast to the whole world, was called by greatest achievement” (pg 418). And yes, I meant to write ‘a Korea’. That’s how it’s written in the fucking book. But the Declaration of Independence wasn’t written by Theresa and yet somehow it’s ‘her’ speech. And it’s a smashing success because fuck you. Chapter 26

Theresa sets up the South Korean government in North Korea because she can’t be fucked to actually lead it, but comes back when she needs to. In this chapter, Theresa gets really into biology and teaching HAL about biology. She also gets really into archaeology and discovers a bunch of really old Jewish scrolls but nobody can have them. They can look but only she can have them. She also finds Joan of the Arc’s remains because why the fuck not. 

Theresa also makes a mountain in the middle of Lake Michigan without consequence. This is all so they can have the Winter Olympics because I guess Mountain = Snow despite the fact that it’s summer the entire year.

Oh yeah, and Theresa recognizes that she could have thousands of lives with teaching HAL biology and learning how to do surgeries that could save lives that couldn’t otherwise be done. But she decides this is a terrible idea because she’ll end up in court if something goes wrong. 

“‘I can immobilize them like this [basically just holding their body together in a temporarily immortalized, unaging, undying stated] while the surgeon operates and saves thousands of lives.’ (Theresa) “‘And get yourself thousands of lawsuits when things go wrong. Hell the families will hope something goes wrong so they can go after your money’ (Steve) “‘You’re right. I’d spend the rest of my life in courtrooms. It’s a shame. Greed keeps me from saving lives’”  (pg 423).

The only greed keeping you from saving lives is your own. How fucking selfish of you to believe that people want their loved ones to die just so they can get some money. There are horrible people out there in the world like that, there’s no denying it, but the majority of people aren’t. You recognize you could save lives, but you chose not to because you don’t want to go to court if something goes wrong. You’re a fucking villain, Theresa. 

Because of this, I really don’t feel bad when Theresa gets hit by a car, breaks her back, and loses the ability to walk. Getting hit by the car was apparently a terrorist attack that was carefully planned because they wanted to hit Theresa. Because everything just has to be a fucking terrorist attack. But this is why Norman had Theresa suddenly pick up an interest in biology that was never ever even hinted at before. It’s so Theresa can start working on a plan to fix her back so she can walk again. And so she can figure out a way to be immortal. You’re supposed to feel bad for Theresa, but I honestly don’t.

Chapter 27 

More HAL’s show up because when Theresa was about to be blown up and she jumped from the plane, HAL divided itself into 420 other HAL’s. Now all these HAL’s are merging with people. Because Theresa doesn’t want to not be special anymore, she puts the entire world into a deep sleep under the pretense that all of these people could be another Adolf Hitler and she needs to take care of it and stop that before it happens. You know, so the logical explanation, because she can’t just put on HAL into a deep sleep, is to put the entire world into a deep sleep regardless of the consequences. Doesn’t matter if you’re in the middle of surgery or you’re in the ICU. It doesn’t matter if you’re about to die or something is happening. We’re just going to put everyone into a deep sleep because Theresa can’t be fucked to figure out a solution right now.

Chapter 28

600 years have passed and everyone starts to wake up. Everyone thinks Theresa is dead but she shows up with Steve and 420 (nice) children. All these children are geniuses and specialize in something and have the equivalent of like 10 college degrees. So in the past 600 years (where nobody aged, not even Theresa and Steve) the world has advanced massively because of the children and Steve and Theresa. 

Theresa also kept the children as 10-year-olds rather than letting them age. “I’d kept them in a pre-puberty state so they wouldn’t fool around with each other” (pg 464). It’s not like they’re siblings and look like mini replicas of you and your husband. It’s not like you should discourage incest among them because incest isn’t a good thing and can mess with someone’s psyche because it’s damaging a familial relationship by intertwining it with a sexual relationship. Not at all.

But these children, as it would turn out, don’t have a HAL. Theresa and Steve just had like 420 (nice) children I guess. No, Theresa just absorbed all of the other HAL’s and will absorb any other HAL that shows up on earth. And that’s the end of the fucking book. This shit show of a book is finally over. I hated it so much and I’m glad to finally be done with it. 

-8/10 stars. Get fucked Norman Boutin. Your book is stupid as shit and I hate it. 

[ehstarwar]

to what we wildly do (one shot)

It works for them.

It’s not the safest or most conventional method, but one that works for them and has probably been used by everyone at least once.

And it does works for them... until it doesn't.

-

Ben and Rey utilize coitus interruptus. (Otherwise known as the pull-out method.)

-

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 3K

Read on A03

A/N: idk where, but i recently saw a meme that informed me that the Actual Scientific Name™ for the pull out method is actually coitus interruptus and i have not been able to stop thinking abut that.

p.s. thank you all so much for all your comments. i read them and it genuinely fills me with so much joy, you have no idea. i promise i'm getting to all of them soon, so thank u thank u thank u

p.s.s. i'm not going to kid u guys, this is a rough piece of work. i've had a string of Very Bad Days™ and writing this has been a slight escapism for me, but it is patchy and needs a lot of editing that i do not have the heart to do. i still wanted to publish it bc its feels good to put something out there that hopefully others will enjoy so... enjoy!

-

It works for them. 

It’s not the safest or most conventional method, but one that works for them and has probably been used by everyone at least once.

They’re both relatively vocal so it’s easy, too. (Ben more so than Rey, even.)

Of course they talked about it beforehand, when they’re still high off the thrill of something that feels new and fresh and right. They were much safer when the relationship first began, going through enough condoms to put catholic rabbits to shame. Ben even ordered a whole industrial sized box off of amazon, uncaring about the embarrassment Rey definitely would’ve had.

But then, one early morning, when the box is on the other side of the room and Ben’s cock is right here, hot and hard and already so close, she says the fateful words.

“Just pull out,” She whispers, and Ben winners against her skin and slips inside of her the next second. 

And it’s so. much. better.

They can feel each other better, actually feel the quivering and veins and the heat. It never takes particularly long for either of them to come, but both Ben and Rey gets there so much quicker like this. He pumps into her slowly, like she’s a decant desert that he can only have once. He grunts and moans and whimpers, breathing right into her skin. Rey is boneless from the pleasure.

Before either of them know it, Rey comes all over him, breath catching in her throat. It’s the unmitigated feeling of her orgasm that brings Ben to his peak, giving him just enough time to slip his hand between them, sliding out of her just in time, spilling onto her inner thigh. He holds her close still, while his come cools on her skin. They’re both asleep, not even bothering with clean up.

And thus, their routine is born.

-

“Rey... so good... perfect baby...” Ben grunts into her mouth. She’s working herself on him, grinding herself on his cock. Her hand guides his to her clit, a wordless request, and Ben immediately goes to work. His thumb presses at her as she bucks into him and he can feel her quiver around him. 

“Ben....” she whines. Ben can only moan gasp at the feel of her, mumbling praises and sweet endearments.

“Baby, I’m getting close,” he says, after a particularly hard clench on him. Ben presses his fingers harsher, willing Rey to beat him there, and is rewarded with her fingers digging into the meat of his pec. She grasps after him, fingers pinching the skin, as she comes, head tossed back and voice breathless. Her cunt holds Ben’s cock like a vice, and he has to physically lift Rey’s hips off him so that his come falls spurts on himself, coating his shaft and upper thighs in creamy white essence.

When he’s done, Ben slowly drops her hips to him, and lets Rey collapses on his chest. There’s a sickening squelch when her skin meets the pool of come in his lap, but it only makes his dick jump.

“We should be... more careful...” Ben says, still breathless. Rey just hums as she nuzzles into the crook of his neck.

-

The problem is that it is unbelievable hard to be careful when you’re already taking such a huge risk.

He’s pounding into her with barely contained vigor, in the grime of whatever dive bar Poe and Finn dragged their friend group too. She’s been a brat all day, refusing his morning kiss and his coming home kiss, not responding to his texts and calls, and rolling her eyes at his every suggestion. All this comes to a head when they’re in the middle of a group discussion over something inane when her hand snakes to his crotch, purposefully rubbing for a few minutes before he grabbed her hand and hauled her to the bathroom. He does it to teach her a lesson, he would swear, but it just so happens that her punishment is exactly what she wanted.

“Bein’.... so bratty....then goin for my cock... like you’re... not about to be... punished..” Ben say, face pressed into the side of her neck. He has her pushed against the wall, cock setting a bruising pace as he pistons into her.

After a particularly hard thrust and rough grab of her ass, Rey comes with a wordless cry, shaking in his arms. Be speeds up, overwhelmed with pleasure and rapidly approaching his own orgasm.

“Rey...” he warns, voice gruff. His eyes frantically search her person, trying to figure out a good place to come. Her shirt is black, so no, and her jeans have only been pushed off one leg. “I’m going to- where can I come?” He asks, voice nearing desperation.

Rey is too lost in the throes of her orgasm to respond, her body hangs in his arms, only supported by the behemoth that is Ben. He repeats the question again, finding it harder and harder to hold back. “Rey...”

Suddenly, Ben feels her hand grasp the hair at the nape and her mouth move to the side of his face. At the first brush of her lips against the shell of his ear, she whispers “... inside, please.”

Ben is overcome.

His body shudders as he comes inside of her, feeling her hot and unbearably tight around him. He stutters and jerks erratically inside of her, his come pulsing into her. She holds him through it, giving him soft caresses and whispering sweet words.

When he’s spilled everything he could, Ben drops his head to Rey’s shoulder, breathing heavily. They sink to the floor, uncaring for the disgusting state of their surroundings. Bens cock is still sheathed inside of her, and he can feel his come start to drip back down between them.

“We....” he starts, with no real plan for his words.

“I know,” she responds, fingers soothing his over-heated neck.

It’s the most either of them will day on the subject.

-

But pulling out isn’t nearly as convenient as… not.

It’s been three whole weeks since they’ve seen each other in the flesh. Ben had some business trip that he’d been putting off, that called him across the sea. It’s the longest they’ve ever gone without seeing each other since they’ve met. His homecoming is, by Rey’s estimation, something to be celebrated immediately. (Ben wholeheartedly agrees).

They’ve only just made it to the carpet behind their front door. His bags are strewn on the side, forgotten in their reunion. He’s only got the bare essentials off, the fly of his pants down, and tie loosened. Her dress is flipped up to her hips and she didn’t even bother with underwear. 

Rey’s back is against the carpet, giving her rug burn that is well deserved, and Ben is huddled over her with his whole body. 

“Don’t leave me that long… ever again,” She pants into his kiss. Their mouths are sloppy as they clash, spit and tongues all over. Her hands find purchase in whatever surface of his she can touch, and his are holding her hips as he slides into her. 

They both get there in an embarrassingly fast amount of time, but neither of them care. They missed each other. So, so much. They’re both on the verge of orgasm when Ben realizes that pulling out really isn’t an option right now. Not that he ever actually wants to pull out, but the carpet they’re on is custom and hard to clean and his parents will be over in a couple hours to welcome him back too and he’d rather not have the discussion of why the small white stain by the door is soaking. Instead, he asks Rey for permission.

“Rey, I need too- can I, please- can I come in you?” He asks, voice whiny and breaking. 

“Yes! Ben, yes please-” Is all Rey can manage to say before Ben looses it. His last powerful thrust drive Rey deeper into the floor as his mouth hangs open against her skin. He can feel Rey mewl under him, using his now limp body to get herself off, and Ben can’t think of a better job. She pulses around him shortly after that, clenching hard and making him twitch within her. 

Ben is only just able to breathe when he goes back to kissing her again, planting his lips anywhere he can reach. Rey is soft and sweet under him, bodies melting together like a lump on the carpet. 

“I don’t like it when you’re gone,” She says after a while. Her hand cards through his hair as he presses kisses to her face. Her hand catches the tip of his ear and Ben’s whole body shivers. It reminds them that his come is in her, soaking into her core.

“I don’t like being away from you, either,” He says, voice muffled by her skin. “I do,” Ben begins, kissing his way up her jaw, “like coming home to you, though.”

Rey smiles, warm and sated and happy, and Ben vows right there and then, to make her smile like this every day. 

-

Not only is pulling out less convenient, but it’s decidedly less hot. 

Because when Ben is beneath her as she rides him with all her might, Rey wants to have all of him. Every muscle, every hair, every drop of him consumed within her. And god, Ben wants that too. Rey can’t be bothered to think of how he’ll slip out of her in time. All she can think of is how nice the new, sparkly weight on her left ring finger feels; how good it looks when her fingers are intertwined with his, how much nicer the word fiancé is than boyfriend, and how Solo will be such perfect last name. 

She swivels her hips slightly just to see Ben gasp. He’s such a breathtaking sight, a powerhouse of a man, and he’s submitting to her, to his future wife. 

“You’re going to marry me,” She says, voice breathless but still proud.

“Yes- yes I am,” He says, teeth gritted. She moves faster now, willing herself to see him come before she does.

“You’ll be my husband.” Just saying the word makes her smile.

“And you’ll be my wife-“ Ben’s voice chokes off as she clenches around him. Ben’s hands fly to her waist holding her down as he come. He fills her and fills her, his whole body rigid. The feeling of warmth spreading within her, the power she feels from having him between her legs, trapped within her; it’s a drug. 

She come soon after that, the high of his hot come coating her insides. She holds his left hand while at it, brining it to her mouth and kissing at the finger that will, one day (hopefully soon), be ordained with a ring she gives him too. 

-

The problem with not pulling out while relying on the pull out method isn’t something Ben and Rey consider until it’s too late.

And, like most things in life, realization comes a perhaps the most inopportune time.

Rey is sitting at the kitchen bar, next to Leia, and Han and Ben make a flurry of movements around the kitchen. Rey loves seeing Ben like this; messy with food stuck in his hair, but with a concentration that would rival a dog when it smells meat. Han helps, mostly by staying out of the way, but makes a good-hearted attempt at helping Ben contain the beast that is Thanksgiving dinner.

Leia ogles at the ring on Rey’s finger, a growing weight on her hand that Rey has come to love the past few weeks. It does seem, however, to be getting tighter and tighter, but Rey just attributes that to the various cake testing she’s picked up recently. And potential dinner courses they could have at the wedding. And brunch options for the day after the wedding.

Basically, Rey has been eating a lot. (Even for Rey.)

She currently has one hand reaching for the fried olives that Han bust out only during the holidays, the other still being held in Leia’s grasp.

“Oh, I just can’t get over how perfect it is! I always knew Mom’s ring would look so good against your skin tone! Ya know, I tried slipping the ring to Ben after you guys had been dating for two week. I just knew you were the one!” Leia exclaims. The excitement of their engagement hadn’t worn off on Leia quite yet. (Ben worries it never will.)

Ben shoots Rey a shy smile and she returns one of her own, still unused to all the attention. 

“So are you sure you want a summer wedding? I mean, it will be beautiful, of course, but fall colors are, in my opinion, significantly better for photos- and bridesmaids dresses!” Leia prattles on. 

“We want to do a summer wedding because then it will be winter where we are honeymooning, Mom,” Ben explains, for the millionth time.

“I really don’t care when we have the wedding, as long as Han makes these fried olives for it,” Rey says, reaching for another handful. 

“Then it’s gotta be holiday season, Kid,” He says, dumping a fresh batch onto the plate. Rey pouts at him. “No, no faces. Fried Olives have only ever been a Holiday Tradition; if I start making em’ willy nilly, I’ll have Lando up my ass for every party he hosts!” Leia rolls her eyes, and Ben laughs, no doubt imagining his uncle and father going at it over fried food.

“Well, that’s not entirely true, Han” Leia says, popping a fresh one onto her plate. “You made them in the dead of winter, once, when I was pregnant with Ben. Fried olives were the only thing I could eat for a solid two weeks! Ben wouldn’t stop kicking me until I finally at them.” 

Leia puts on in her mouth and begins talking again, but all Rey can hear is static.

Rey looks at her plate, her third of the evening, piled high with fired olives. She thinks of her tightening engagement ring, and tightening underwear and pants. She thinks of the bout of ‘food sickness’ she went though last week after she ate a gas station burrito. She thinks of her clear skin and hair that just. keeps. growing. Of her mood swings and appitite.

Then she thinks of Ben and how they defiantly haven’t been pulling out recently. In fact, Rey can’t think of the last time she’s even seen his come. (while the’ve defiantly been having sex.)

Leia is still talking when Rey lifts her head over to Ben, who’s back is to them, but Rey knows he’s connecting the same dots she is. He stands statuesquely still for a moment, frying pan gripped so tightly by his fist that she’s afraid he’ll break his hand, before slowly turning around to meet her gaze.

In his eyes Rey finds shock and terror, but also (overwhelmingly so) warmth and joy and ohmygodwemdeababy. 

“Ben? Ben, helloooo, did you hear what I asked. About the caterer I told you about?” Leia ask, none the wiser to the life-changing moment they’re experiencing. After a moment, Ben looks towards his mother.

“Do you think they could do a spring wedding?”

-

Maé Solo is loud.

She’s loud when she was born, screaming into this world with a fury that only a Solo-Skywalker-Organa could possess. But she was also pink and beautiful and healthy and Ben and Rey couldn’t find it in their hearts to be anything less than adoringly in love with her.

Maé is loud when they bring her home and Daddy leaves the room for a few minutes to make food for Mommy. She wants them in the same room, together. She’s loud when she drinks and makes a mess down her whole body. She’s loud when it’s tummy time and she really, really hates tummy time. She’s loud when its 2A.M. and Mommy and Daddy just got to sleep but she just misses being held by them. She’s loud when she starts teething and naming on everything that can fit into her pink little mouth (including Daddy’s fingers.) She’s loud when Mickey Mouse Clubhouse comes on and she can’t quite figure out how stand up quite yet, but she’s getting better with the crawling.

In short, Maé Solo is a very loud baby.

Including right now, when Ben has just come up for air, his wife’s juices still dripping down his chin. Rey is blissed out, coming down from orgasm, has her hand stroking the shell of his ears. Ben is hard and aching agains Rey’s thigh, cock leaking precome all over her still-stretched out skin. He was moments away from entering his wife, of being able to slide home into the body of the woman he loves so, so much, the mother of his child.

Who is currently screaming her guts out for any number of reasons. 

They both peak at the monitor to see if anything is wrong, but Maé is just reaching for the pacifier that is now on the floor of the nursery. Because she threw it there. And now can’t get it back. No one ever said Solo’s were the brightest.

Ben’s head falls to the center of Rey’s uncovered chest. “She’ll go back to sleep eventually,” He says, kissing down the valley of her breast.

“I don’t think she will. Our girl’s got lungs like an opera singer,” Rey says. As if on cue, a particularly harsh wail comes through the monitor. They both sigh, resigning themselves to the trials that are parenthood.

Ben rolls off Rey so that she can get up and go to their daughter. Ben practices deep breathing techniques that he learned during the years of anger management, and wills his erection to fade. It doesn’t matter that it’s been three weeks he reminds himself, babies don’t care about that sort of thing. 

Rey tosses on a nightgown before pressing a sweet kiss to her husbands face as he does his breathing exercises. He envelops her in a deeper kiss before she can move away, but their daughter won’t have it. Ben sighs into Rey’s mouth.

“Coitus interruptus,” He says, for no particular reason. Rey quirks a brow at him. “The proper name for the pull out method- our method,” Ben explains. 

“Coitus interruptus?” Rey repeats. Ben makes a noise of agreement. “A very apt name,” She concedes.

“It should have been Maé’s middle name.”

-

come say hi on twitter!

[ca1e70-deactivated]

a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:

name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity

im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years. 

i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)

whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)

ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS

i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism 

the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid. 

im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis 

i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later 

i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.

talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)

every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best. 

one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)

theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever. 

he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.

i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment) 

im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH 

hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.

ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.

the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair. 

he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going. 

THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY

[whumpingwithirondad]

Tony & Pepper Have Twins

We both want Tony Stark to get a happily ever after, and what would make it more perfect than having two babies at the same time!

irondadgroupie

Yeah! Just imagine Tony sleeping on his bed, with a baby on his chest and Peter curled up beside him. Or maybe they have twins and Peter comes in every day after school to help take care of them so that both kids would have sufficiently individual care

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Yes! Peter and him stay up one night when the baby has cold and Pepper's away on a business trip. Most parents would be horrified of having twins but Tony's like 'oh my god i've always wanted a baby and now I get two of them!!" (well three bc Peter is his kid/baby too at this point).

irondadgroupie

Yes! Tony is thrilled he got more than one child at the same time. Like he would have even taken triplets. Tony loves every single moment with them and becomes the most dedicated stay at home dad, ever. I can imagine him doing interviews and just showing pics of the kids and the interviewers love hearing about his homelife and babies. He always refers to Peter "as his oldest, my surrogate son" because there is no use to deny it since so many pics of him and Peter together have arisen and yeah, if he didn't address it, people would think he was Peter's sugar daddy

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When Tony has one of his own babies to take care of he loves bath time so much. He gives them a bath everynight and just cuddles with them afterwards because their skin is so soft and Tony kisses all their tiny toes and fingers after drying them

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Tony's interviews no longer consist of ironman/avengers or stark industries. Rather he gives interviews on baby tips and parenting as well and just overall gushing about being a stay at home dad

irondadgroupie

Yes! Tony is an affectionate father! He is constantly cuddling his kids and loves spending time with them, Just imagine him pushing twin stroller while he (and Peter) do the groceries. He kisses their toes and fingers and through the babies, gets lot more physically affectionate with Peter too. Like when Pepper is away, he has all three of his kids sleep in the same bed with him and they would watch teletubbies in the morning (with him and Peter making fun of the show)

irondadgroupie

Tony's advice on parenting is wanted because he can sympathize with blended families and parents with surrogate children. He has two babies and a teenager (with serious issues). I think Peter and Tony have ADHD and so he can tell the tips on how to help those kids.

irondadgroupie

And the most asked question is "which is harder: rocket science or raising children?"

wordscorrupt

Tony and Peters favorite time Is definitely watching kid shows and making fun of them. Tony is affectionate and constantly telling All his kids how much he loves them. He has about a million pictures of the babies before they are even a year old. Twins one girl and one boy and they are a perfect blend between him and pepper. Yes they go to the store they take the babies to the park as well too. Pepper takes care of the company and during the day tony and peter are with the babies and it just all works out

He answers raising children because there was no manual on how to do it and he can’t learn it overnight. Plus rocket science isn’t a living object screaming and crying st him because he chose the wrong toy

irondadgroupie

I'd like to think Peter would take a gap year after high school and be sort of an au pair to the Starks. Like Peter didn't feel he was ready to leave home (May was angry with the idea but Tony just shrugged and told it was his life and decision). Yeah, Tony is affectionate, he is constantly kissing his children and holding them. The walls are filled with their pictures and artwork. The day the babies are too old for onesies, Tony cries.He is always talking to the babies, holding one-sided conversations

irondadgroupie

Awww, just think of the twins bundled up warmly and in a push swing. Tony also makes them an inside playground in case of rainy days or snow.

irondadgroupie

The audience laughs at the jokes and love seeing Tony so relaxed. He admits he is tired but that having kids is so worth it. He also talks about how SI is expanding to baby products such as highly intelligent strollers but yeah, the talk turns to his kids again.

wordscorrupt

I could definitely see Peter doing that as well. Plus he would get to be spider man without the stress of school and he gets to explore his tech ideas as much as he can now. MIT always has a place for him whenever he wants to start and tony doesn’t even care. He’s like kid ur going to be ceo of stark industries degree or no degree

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Omg tony loves dressing his twins up.  Buys the cutest clothes ever and not like designer ones even tho he splurges on those every now and then or pepper does but ones that are the most comfortable for little babies as well.

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When they got to the park tony bundles them up and puts them in the baby swings at the park and pushes them gently and kisses their little nose when they swing back to him. Paparazzi get thousands of pictures of him having fun st the park with his babies and then if Peter is there he’s usually coming down the slides with the babies in his lap because tony says his back is too old for him to do it

Yeah he basically builds an indoor adventure park for his kiddos

irondadgroupie

Yeah, Tony can practically buy him a spot at MIT (although I have been playing in my head with an idea that Peter doesn't get to MIT and sinks into deep depression because, well, why did he waste time at school is he couldn't get into college). Yep, Tony doesn't hire based on credentials but potentials and he knows hands on approach might actually teach Peter more than theory courses. I like to think Tony kept his old text books from MIT and gave them to Peter and gives him private lessons in maths, physics and anything engineering. Tony doesn't care about Peter staying in NY because Peter's wellbeing is the most important thing and if the kid doesn't want to go, he isn't going to be like his father and ship his reluctant child away.

irondadgroupie

Yes! Tony is very particular about the clothes being durable but comfortable and cute. He is not one of those parents who buys expensive clothes and then tells his kids they can't play in the snow or rain. Clint and Laura give them their kids old baby clothes and Peter sometimes goes to the flea market and buys rare clothes you don't find at stores anymore (like the first edition IronMan onesie).

irondadgroupie

Yes, the kids look like lumpy potatoes, Tony is so worried they might catch a cold :D He builds sand castles from them to smash. Sometimes Peter and him go to the local swimming center and enjoy the warm water in the baby pool. Also, Tony would sign them up for baby classes because he wants them to learn socializing and yeah, he kind of likes the attention (being a celebrity plus the only male in those groups)

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Whenever they are down in the lab they each have a baby strapped to their chest in one of those little carriers. Tony kind of just has his nose pressed into his baby’s curls the entire time as he works on a few of his designs.

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One time all three of his kiddos get sick and honestly Peter is whining more than the twins mostly because he uses getting sick to his advantage

irondadgroupie

Baby curls ❤️

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So fluffy

irondadgroupie

Yeah, the twins are doing pretty normal, maybe getting more easily upset but Peter... Tony considers throwing the boy out the window. "Mr Stark, it's too cold!" "It would be warm if you didn't kick off al your blankets, Jesus Christ Kid."

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Tony saying this while grumbling as he wraps heated blankets around peter until barely his eyes and curls peak out from underneath the blanket burrito. The babies are just a little bit more fussy but once tony gets some warm milk in their tummies and a nice cool bath they are out for the night and he can focus on peter. Lol at one point Tony’s trying to get a temperature on Peter and he won’t keep it in his mouth and Tony’s like kid if you want me to do it the old fashioned way I will and it’s not gonna be pleasant

irondadgroupie

Peter loves messing with Tony when he is sick because the man is a mother hen "Could you get me more juice? Orange slices? I feel like having soup. I want chips." At one point, Tony takes the kids to a bath and says : "You're an adult, get them yourself."

In Finland, we measure fever from armpit. It's not nearly as quick or reliable as from the mouth but hey, it's more comfortable.

irondadgroupie

How about Peter forgetting about his strength and just bites the thermometer into halves? And Tony uses old kind one which has liquid mercury in it and he is certain Peter now got some poisoning and maybe another mutation because of course he would.

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Peter pouts as he watches Tony leaves but Tony made sure that he put enough snacks and drinks near Peter if he needs them.

Peter bites the thermometer accidentally and Tony has a near heart attack. He’s drags Peter to the sink to rinse his mouth out while asking Friday to look up how toxic mercury is and already calling Bruce to come check his stupid kid out

irondadgroupie

Tony also took his phone so Peter can call him if anything happens. Okay, I checked what happens if you break the mercury thermometer and apparently, normally it only causes minor irritation but it is dangerous when inhaled so yeah, the clean up is more important.

irondadgroupie

OMG, Think of Tony in an interview when he is talking about his kids "So, my oldest-" "Wasn't he at the SI gala with you a week ago?" "Yes, Peter was my plus one." "We have a pic of him," They show a smiling picture of Peter and the audience lets out a loud Aww (like when Baby Simba is shown for the first time). "He looks so much like you!" "I know!" Tony says with shock. "Are you sure he is not yours." "Yes, we have done all the paternity tests, there is no genetic link between us."

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The world definitely falls in love with Peter as well. He starts to open up more with more events he goes to and everyone finds him funny charming and nice. Tony’s like “he’s practically mine in all ways but biological though” and then the interviewees show a picture that pepper took with peter and the twins all cuddled up with tony fast asleep when they were sick

irondadgroupie

At first Peter is nervous but with experience and Tony's encouragement, he begins to open up and just steals the audience away. He and Tony are invited to game shows to compete and do pair interviews on their relationship (because the world honestly doesn't believe Peter isn't Tony's secret love child). I like to think that during one mission, Peter lost a lot of blood and Tony was the donator (they of course, have the same blood group) and in the next interview he says "now he is mine biologically also."

irondadgroupie

One of Tony's arms is wrapped around the twins and Peter is resting on his other side. Tony smiles at the picture "That was the moment I had finally got them all to sleep. It was a sickness straight from hell, all had a high fever and were so miserable. I think I didn't sleep a wink during those days because when I wasn't making sure the babies didn't choke while sucking the pacifiers, I had to bathe Peter's brow with cold cloths."

wordscorrupt

Everyone just gushes about Tony being a dad and the photo proves how good of a father that he is. There is still some people that are hung up on his pre-iron man days and send nasty comments that Peter takes and basically rips apart

irondadgroupie

Tony has many haters and the most vicious attack Peter. They make awful comments on the photos with Tony and some rip apart everything in Tony's parenting because even if you love your kids, you might make some mistakes and yeah, everyone follows different directions. The haters comment when Tony carries his kids in his arms, they also send hate when Tony carries them in a babysitter. Someone took a photo of Peter and Tony shopping with the babies and they ripped apart their groceries "How can anyone feed their children formula?"

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Tony's used to the comments and haters and he's learned to deal with it. However, it's dfifferent and harder for Peter who takes those comments to heart, especially the ones where they are calling Tony a bad dad for allowing his kid to play in the grass barefoot or something or that he's not giving his kids healthy foods

irondadgroupie

Yes, Tony has learned to ignore the comments and yeah, someone criticising his parenting, yeah, not a big deal. But then a pic emerges of Tony with his arm around Peter and setting a kiss on his head and the internet exploses. Most say the pic is adorable but some claim Tony was teaching his child wrong ways to convey love. "You don't kiss your teenage boys!"

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Tony just rolls his eyes at the comments and has to bite his tongue from speaking back something about teenage sons deserved affection still. He does it more often just to get back at the haters. He doesn’t want to get into anything that’s not important. End of the day all his kids know how much he loves them and it’s all that matters.

irondadgroupie

Yes! Tony would totally feed the haters. Some people got a pic of him kissing his babies on the mouth and by God, that got a backlash about how he would be messing up his kids and yes, some even called the child protective services (who informed Tony and they both had a good laugh about it). Then Tony does an interview and brings Peter along because their relationship is so fascinating. The audience just melts how Tony is so affectionate with his kid, like at one point he fixes the boy's collar

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Yes with the kissing too. And it’s so cute with tony asking for a kiss from his twins and they just pout their lips and when Tony gets closer they grab his cheeks and give him kisses and Tony just melts inside and scoops both of his babies up into his arms and smothers their face with kisses. It’s just hundreds of photos of him kissing his kids and vice versa and while most are just gushing about how good of a dad he is older folks are like “how can his kids ever take him seriously if he’s kissing them all the time. He has toughen them up especially the boy”

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The audience coos and Peter just takes it in stride because he’s used to all of this now.

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They share a photo of when the kiddos were sick and tony was tucking Peter into bed and presses a kiss to his head

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When Tony gets hate from this it starts a movement with other dads sharing photos of tucking their kids in and giving them kisses.

irondadgroupie

Yes, Tony is so affectionate with his babies. Some people are thinking he is sick because he kisses the babies on the lips. "You will mess up your daughter that way!" "You're making your son gay!" "Is this incest?" Some comments were terrible and Tony could not help getting angry. People could tell lies about him but anything regarding his kids was off limits.

Peter once released a video of Tony watching television with the twins laying at his side and both looked at their father with such adoration. Tony snickered as he caught the look on their faces.

irondadgroupie

Peter was just answering a question when Tony noticed the collar was not properly and set it straight. Peter laughs at the audience's reaction and says "This is what I have to put up with." "You wouldn't if you learned to dress yourself properly," Tony quipped back. "The kid still needs someone to tie his tie for him."

irondadgroupie

And not just of little kids but teenagers as well. The movement gets so big Pepper releases a video of Peter sleeping on the couch with his head resting on Tony's lap. Tony has his arm around Peter chest and his thumb was rubbing the boy's shoulder. "Is he okay?" Pepper was heard asking. "Yeah, just had a little headache," Tony sets a hand on Peter's forehead. "He doesn't feel warm, maybe he just didn't sleep well last night."

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The twins LOVE tony so much. Pepper filled a video of Tony coming back home after a weekend camping with Peter and the twins are waddling towards Tony with huge smiles on their faces and clapping their hands. Tony just kneels and opens up his arms waiting for the little babies to come to him and they are just giggling and once they reach him tony just scoops both of them up in his arms and just smothers them in kisses telling them how much he missed them. They don’t let go of him for th entire night

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Yes the movement definitely involves teenagers as well. Tony can’t believe that he’s a part of something that involves spreading love all around. Pepper definitely has more videos like those as well. One after Peter has his tonsils out and Tony is there as he wakes up from surgery. Another where tony is carrying peter up from the lab after he fell asleep there muttering something about how his body’s too old for this but still does tit all the time

irondadgroupie I was walking to the gym today and imagined that the daughter is Tony's princess and she loves pink and anything traditionally feminine, has cute dresses and watches Barbie and Princess movies. Tony likes them too and will argue with anyone who claims those are bad role models. The boy loves Bob the Builder and has his toy tool box and is constantly "fixing" everything from DUM-E to the doorknobs.

wordscorrupt Tony gets haters saying that he's forcing his children into gender roles but the next day his son is playing with barbie dolls and his daughter is building legos and Tony just kind of flips all those haters off.

irondadgroupie But then Tony releases a pic of his son dressed in a sparkly princess dress with a tiara and Pepper's heels and again the haters are on them claiming he is making his boy confused about his gender and sexuality and raising him to be gay. But again, majority are praising his parenting, how he is letting his kids play and yeah, most are shocked his children have a dress that costs like 20 dollars at Target.

[dreammutual-remade]

idol!you and lucas

request: please do a bullet scenario about lucas and his gf both being sm idols - anon

word count: 2.6k 

a/n: first of all,,,, this gif hurts me badly, seCOND OF ALL im so sorry for the inactivity !!  I have finals this week and I graduate really soon n ive just been v busy !!! also I had hella writers block trying to finish this ish up but I hope u like it anon !!!!its a lil hard for me to write as an idol just because thats such a Wildt lifestyle but I did my best ily

warnings: cursing n also some crying because god knows all of our boys prolly have during their idol days :(((((((

what’s up butter cup

let’s dive tf in

as a pre-warning thingy i’m making you a singer so i’m very sorry if you can’t sing i can’t either bby

alright so this story begins when you’re not even 16 years old and you audition for a bunch of companies

tbh you didn’t think you were /that/ good at singing or dancing but ???

all the companies wanted you??? you got offers from JYP and SM and Pledis ????? go off queen

we stan

anyways

you decide to go with SM since they produced leGENDS SHINEE

FUCK I LOVE THOSE GUYS

(binch if u went to JYP u literally could have been in TWICE ?!?/&.&. ABSOLUTE LEGENDS UR LOSS THOT)

also because you just think that’ll be best for you ?? idk we don’t judge here (i already did though i’m So Sorry)

on your first day as a trainee you’re in search of the female dorms and you just can’t find them

eventually you run into this,,,, Gang Of Adolescent Boys

they’re wearing dorky ass muscle tees and keep saying shit about “foreign swaggers”

(.... y’all already know who it is sjdkdkd)

and you’re Meek and New and Small so you’re like um, hellowherearethegirlsdormsplease

okay there’s four of them and they’re all fckin huge except for one

the Biggest One with the american accent points you in the right direction and you try to scurry away but end up smacking into the Second Biggest One’s arm because he moved in your way on accident ouchie

“god lucas why don’t you just run the poor girl over”

“hYUNG PLEASE”

“hehehhehe i’m just kiddin”

and you just kind of mumble that it’s fine and go on your way

okay so you train for three yEARS before your debut

and you def come out of your shell alright like you’re Extroverted and whatnot

you still see those boys and even make friends with mark and donghyuck and the Foreign Members

but the entirety of the group you met has debuted except Lucas

you’re not close but you wave and say hi when you see each other

you turn pink everytime from Emotions and also Holding Your Breathe Due To Anxiety

and he was cute years ago but he’s only gotten prettier with age dude

they recently dyed his hair to give him some Blonde Stuff and he looks reaLLY GOOD

LIKE TO THE POINT WHERE U HAVE TROUBLE LOOKING HIM IN THE EYE

but eventually you’re like hey now i’m a grown woman i can handle this giant childish man !!! quit that @ emotions

alright so you debut like, days before him no lie

you’re a solo artist bc idk

red velvet was full 😔🤟

anyways you’ve been filming the video for the past couple weeks and the concept is sort of filmy and shimmery like old sparkly anime water u kno ?

and you’re wearing similar stuff to what ten was wearing in the new heroes mv (BIG OOF) except less warm toned ?

like swishy sort of see through white shirts and spandex underneath

you’re a Beautiful and Skilled dancer so they have u all over the place with this choreo

on the FLOOR on the WALL in the AIR

no joke they had you in a harness doing cool swirly shit in the air this is the stuff of legends my g

but like the inside of SM ? is very cold

if you’re not filming you’re bundled up in a blanket and trying to rub the goosebumps out of your arms and legs

because you have to look all smooth and flawless for filming and those are two things goosies are not

luckily the song wasn’t a huge ballad because it’s rather hard to belt out long ass notes when you’re upside down lmao

anyways, the song is a bop and the mv is beautiful and you are wearing minimal clothing and although these are all nice things but also

RECIPE FOR DISASTER

the filming is almost done thank GOD

you’re taking a break from filming and you go out in the hall in your costume to go get another water bottle because ain’t nobody around to give a pre debut thot a water bottle 🤧🤧

your arms are wrapped around yourself when lucas jogs up behind you and throws his jacket around you??

literally throws it like you made an oof noise

“um ,? thank you that was aggressive”

“i knOw i’m sorry it’s just you are practically naked and it’s Cold in here and also walking behind you i noticed you were Very Exposed sO”

you turn bright red because that means everyone has seen your ass prolly and you duck your head and pull the jacket tighter around yourself

“oh! i’m sorry i mean you look uhh? really good ?? yeah you look good nOT that i was looking super hard or anything or that i uH saw aNything BUt if i did it would look good i’m sure nOT THAT I thInK about that ?$/&/“

and now you’re both blushing very hard but you feel a little better when you see he’s just as flustered as you

you brush your fingers on his forearm to get him to stop staring at the floor and tell him thanks and ask about when he’s debuting

he tells you the mv filming is done since they had to go Real Far Away to do it and get it done ahead of time and that the teasers will be out in three weeks and then the mv release and then its Show Time Baby

you’re excited for him and he’s excited and you debut really soon as well and he’s excited for you and !!!!!

there’s excitement all over the place

he’s smiling so big and his eyes are cute and crinkly and :(((((

you still got a crush on him /sigh/

one of the staff literally yells your name down the hall and you’re like aw shit that’s my cue lol

you leave him with with a lil squeeze of his bicep and you’re BOTH shook

him because ?? was that fLIRTING

you because ?? THAT WAS FLIRTING

also because his biceps are thicc i’m gonna cry

big baby stands there for like 3 mins just shook and with uwus oozing from his pores

you skrt very quickly to avoid the consequences of your actions and get back to filming

okay TIME SKIP

your mv was released and did GOOD AS FUCK

you didn’t hear it from me but lucas + nct boys were seen on vlive jamming the fuck out to your song

you’re backstage like 10 mins from going on and having an absolute panic attack

what if you trip ??? or your voice breaks !!:&::

what if all the reviews say you’re Trash live and that the mv was better since they edited

what if you FLOP AND HAVE NO FANS

NO ONE DOES THE FANCHANTS

FUCK FUXKFUCKFUXKCUDJ

so you do call the king of debuts

mark lee

and you’re like mARK FUCK IM GOING TO CRASH AND BURN PLEAS LLSSE DHELPD ME

he tells you to Calm The Fuck Down and assures you it’ll be fine but it’s not working and mark is but a young boy he don’t know how to deal with FEMALES

you hear some deep ass voice on the other side ask who’s on the phone and mark says your name and then the voice is closer and deMANDING to be given the phone

u already kno it’s our boy yukhei

he can hear you gasping through the phone and having a mental breakdown and immediately makes his voice all low and soft

wow i’m , affected writing this shit

“hey, y/n, listen to me, you’re okay, you’re fine. i promise it’ll be okay.”

“bUT WHAT IF I-“

“you won’t. you’ve worked too hard and practiced too much. i know you i saw you do it. do NOT let all of that go down the drain. you can do this. now get your cute ass out there and take NO SHIT”

“i know but i am, scared”

“don’t be! this is what you love isnt it?”

“i mean,,,, yeah”

“and you want to do this more than anything don’t you?”

“well , yeah”

“then for gods sake don’t be a wimp and do it”

“hey i miss the part of this conversation where you were being nice to me”

“that part’s over babe you need some TOUGH LOVE now please for me and for yourSELF get out there”

“okay.. thanks lucas”

“anything for you, angel”

yOU HANG UP SO QUICK

how dare he

you were all Comforted but then he went on with that angel bullshit

okay long story short you ended the industry dude

all solo artists BOW BEFORE YOU

VOCAL QUEEN

DANCE QUEEN

lucas: shaking because His Angel did so well and you were wearing white and actually looked like an angel

but you don’t see him for the next like twO MONTHS because he’s promoting boss and you’re promoting your single and neither of you are home ever

when you do get a second to yourself you try to send him an encouraging text but

you seldom get a second to yourself :(((

he does the same thing and they’re so sweet :(

“good morning i hope u slept well !!”

“princess don’t forget 2 hydrate”

“i saw ur mnet performance u looked beautiful <333”

this man is practically begging you to wife him up i mean

he’s cute

he’s BIG and WARM

very sweet to you :(

talented and lovely

absolute dweeb

supportive of you even from great distances

BEST BOY UWU

you try to be just as encouraging back because he deserves it UGH

“bub don’t forget to eat i know ur hungry rn”

“!!!!!! you came foR MY LUNGS WITH THAT CENTER DANCE AT THE END BOI”

“why are u sending me messages u need to rest bby :((“

when things calm down though you,, see each other

he doesn’t formally ask you out and you don’t say anything but, youre dating sort of kind of

as idols you’re both still so so busy and you JUST debuted so neither of you are really allowed to date anyways

you settle for little bits of cuddling and secret touches as you pass each other in the hall

you both stand outside of your respective dorms at night to facetime without waking your dorm mates

he desperately wants to go on dates and do Normal Couple things but there’s no time :(

the most affectionate you’ve ever been is when the girl group who shares a dorm with you was out promoting and you had him over and you took a nap together :((((

he Insisted upon being the big spoon and basically wrapped your whole body up with his limbs

pressed a few lil kisses to the back of your neck and your shoulder when he thought you were asleep

you weren’t though and you turned around to kiss him on the cheek and then tuck your face into his neck and pass tf out

he has to leave though because mark texts him and is like YO I KNO UR WITH Y/N AND HER ROOMMATES ARE ON THE WAY HOME

ABORT MISSION DUDE

and that’s pretty much it :(

months pass without much between you even though you’re trying your best

and even though you live in dorms you’re still so lonely especially when you’re traveling because you don’t have any group members

you don’t want to annoy or worry lucas though so you don’t complain

he notices though and late at night he’ll call you while you’re in bed and talk about his day and how he misses you and wishes you were there

and when you get all emo he says he’ll be waiting for you at the airport

(he really does he goes and hides in the bathroom and texts you so you can go in there and TACKLE HIM)

he still calls you angel all the time :((((

god that’s another weakness of mine ??? IM SUCH A WUSS

but it has specifically changed to “my angel”

uwu

your first kiss and first Real Confession happens on the Worst Day Of Your Life

you’re about to go on stage (you’ve released an album since your debut so this is new stuff) when you get a call from your mom ??

she’s crying and tells you your grandma is sick and in the hospital and it’s really bad

immediately you’re barely holding yourself together because that woman half raised you and was the reason you stayed in dance and worked so hard to become who you are today

there are tears streaming down your face already and the makeup team is fluttering around you trying to fix what you’re messing up and it’s bad

you still have to go on though so you go and perform with tears in your eyes and your manager yells at you after for not pulling it together

you go home in tears and then you’re not looking where you’re going and ran straight into a staff who yells at you some more for being some entitled idol brat

originally you weren’t gonna say anything to lucas but, the staff pushed you over the edge and you call him in tears and are incoherent and can barely tell him where you are before you hang up

our boy BURSTS into your room and sees you sitting on the floor with your face buried in your knees and 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 !!

he gathers you in his arms and sits on the bed with you curled up on his lap

he holds you close and rubs a comforting hand up and down your back at the same time as he frantically tries to figure out what’s wrong

“y/n?? baby what’s wrong? angel, please you gotta tell me or i cant help”

“i jjJJUST Got a cALL and my grandMA IS SICK AND THEN I DI D BAD AND DISAPPOINTED EVERYONE AND My mManageR yeYELLED at me and theN I RAN iNtO a staffF meMbEr and he yELled at me too and I JSUT .$:&:&;& i’m sO SORRY u doNT need to deAL WIYH ME you have problems of YouR own and-“

“shhh listen to me i always care about you okay? angel, i want to help you no matter what you know that. also, if you weren’t so distraught i would go beat some SM ass you didn’t deserve to be yelled at :(((( how about we call your mom and check for updates with your grandma and i’ll stay here with you for the night?”

you nod and then reach for your phone while keeping as much physical contact with lucas as possible

he’s the only reason you haven’t reached the Depression Point Of No Return so

we stayin close

you put your mom on speaker and set your phone down before squishing yourself back into his chest and sniffling while the phone rings

your mom answers and you shakily ask for any updates and she tells you not much but your grandma has improved and they think that within a couple weeks she’ll be better

you cry some more and tell her you love them both and you’re so relieved and lucas kisses the crown of your head and is just There For Comforting

once you hang up and you’ve calmed down a little more you back up a little and turn to face him

“hey thank you so much, you didn’t have to come and help me so much but you’ve always been there to make me stop Freaking Out and laugh and i just, love you. yeah that’s what it is. I LOVE YOU I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU, WONG YUKHE-“

he cuts you off by snatching your face in his big warm hands and kissing you right on the lips

he then kisses your nose and your forehead and pulls you back into his lap to tuck you under his chin

“it’s all for you, angel ;)))) i love you more”

[meyhew]

Why do you like y&b so much? Like what is it that makes it so great to you? (I really don't want this to sound rude I'm just really curious and don't know how to express myself)

goD okay so this is gonna be such a rambly answer bc i have so many thoughts abt this fic. firstable, the writing style is just? it pulls you in? it’s kind of like a stream of consciousness, really, and you truly get inside louis’ head. the author’s done such a nice job of setting a scene, the world building is incredible. you can just see every place they’re at and it feels like you’re right there with the characters. AND its poetic in a way that isn’t overly done and isnt cringey. some of the things harry says, the way he speaks and carries himself should feel odd in the 21st century, but! it! doesnt! and its all down to the writing. 

onto the characters. niall’s a bit of a comic relief dude (which isnt my fave thing) but like all five boys have a very distinct personality and a very solid backstory that makes them real. louis has to go to this school he doesnt want to be at and he has a very judgmental asshole of a father that he has to prove wrong. he comes to care for harry in a way that’s very natural and real and, sure, the tutoring trope is old and overdone but with this, it doesn’t feel that way. the biggest appeal for me is harry’s character. we see him through louis’ eyes and (although i’d give my left leg to read this story from harry’s pov) watching harry is fascinating. he’s a confusing character, with his perfect smile and empty eyes. louis doesn’t understand him and neither does the reader. until we do. 

the way i see it, y&b is essentially harry’s recovery arc. he’s been through so much in life, from never having a constant mother figure in his life, to losing his sister to the darker side of the industry, to having an absent father that’s there but isn’t really. he’s got people willing to use him for a night or two and then toss him aside, as long as they can say they got a taste him, literally and figuratively, like he’s some sort of toy or a trophy to wave around. he keeps himself locked away, keeps every bit of him very close to his heart, because no one’s ever cared enough to treat him right before. he doesn’t think anyone ever will. even his friends best friends, zayn and liam and niall, they don’t see that hes breaking. they let him do this thing, say “oh that’s harry being harry, he’ll be alright,” but they dont ever do anything. never ask him if he’s alright, never ask him if he needs anything. louis does. louis sees there’s something deeply wrong with this boy who’s got the weight of the world on his shoulders and he seems to be the only one to care enough to think, hey, that’s fucked up, he’s persistent enough to put up with harry’s dismissing attitude. no one else has done that for harry before. you get to see harry learn to let his walls down, you see him learn to love himself and want better for himself, you see his eyes become brighter and his smile genuine. you see him recover. i have yet to read a larry fic that has a character as complex as y&b harry. 

and, also, the moon knows, so there’s that. 

[ylla]

Friday Night Gurus - Chapter 1

Series: JJBA Ships: josuyasu (others will eventually happen too, but im tagging as i go) Tags: au where theyre famous, modern au, pining, josuke is a hot mess and has exactly 0 chill Rating: T (for this chapter only, bc eventually there will be sex/smoking the devil’s lettuce)

AO3 link

reeeeee so i’ve been in and out of the doctor’s office with a sinus infection so intense, i’ve been to the ER due to pain. fun shit. i came up with this AU while listening to music while waiting for someone to come smother me with a pillow to put me out of my misery.

this unbeta’d because i wrote this on my phone while waiting. i plan on keeping up with this idea because it delights me. next chapter will follow shortly too, because i’m trying to break this up into smaller chunks as i hammer it out on my phone (which fucking sucks, lemme tell ya). if you notice anything weird, tell me about it so i can fix it!!

The first time Josuke Higashikata meets Okuyasu Nijimura was because of a fuckup in a magazine photo shoot schedule. The shoot in question was for a feature in Rolling Stone; award season was coming soon and they wanted to feature the current Biggest Names in Music. Some poor intern (who was probably promptly fired) fucked up EVERYONE’S schedule, so all the bands and singers had to come in during the same hellish week in June. It was a nightmare for all involved.

Of course, the cover would feature the biggest name in the industry which, naturally, was Josuke. Discovered at sixteen, with two world tours, four albums (two of which went platinum), and at least 20 different awards, he was twenty-four and still going. His latest album dropped too late for Grammy consideration last year, but he was feeling real confident. This was his year. He’ll get that fucking Grammy, even if he killed him.

Josuke still considered himself to be a chill, down-to-earth kind of man despite his superstardom; able to roll with the punches whenever they came. He got that sometimes things just didn’t go your way, but he still couldn’t help it when his precious time off gets thwarted by some dumb idiot.

“What the fuck, Koichi?” Josuke whined on their way to the shoot, “Why couldn’t have this happened literally like, last week?”

Koichi Hirose was his manager, agent, PR guy, and truth be told, the only person beside his mother and grandfather who truly knew him. “Stop whining, it’s not the end of the world.”

“Dude, this was supposed to be my first week off in forever—“

For someone who was 5’3 and weighed 110lbs soaking wet, Koichi could be intimidating. He gave Josuke a look before parking and turning off the car, “Can’t be helped. They wanted to do the cover shoot last since there’s two of them.”

Josuke made a face. He forgot that this would be a dual cover. Him on one side, some band on the other. “Who’s the other band?”

Like he was still in school, Koichi started rattling off some facts, “Arrowhead, they’re a metal band. Comprised of four members. Skyrocketed up the charts this past year with their second album. You guys fought over #1 album and singles on Billboard on and off all year.” Koichi was the type of guy who always did his homework, “Now come on, you’re gonna be late.”

The shoot was operating in some random ass warehouse in some backassward part of Los Angles. Josuke and Koichi waltz into some giant room that was getting set up; a group of 4 people huddled in a corner eating what appeared to be a large quantity of Taco Bell with a sharp dressed man standing near them. Josuke’s kind of people.

“Oi! Tonio!” Koichi called out with a wave, before gesturing at Josuke to follow him over. Josuke barely restrained an eyeroll; his hair was up in a ponytail and he was wearing some worn-out sweats with an old t-shirt, not exactly looking good for first introductions.

“Koichi,” the finely dressed man shook Koichi’s outstretched hand, “good to see you.”

“Josuke, this is Tonio Trussardi, we work at the same agency.” Koichi gestured at Tonio, “And Tonio, this is Josuke Higashikata.”

Josuke held out his hand and got a firm handshake, “Nice to meet you.”

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance,” Tonio’s eyes sparkled. He let go of Josuke’s hand and gestured to the group of people sitting behind him, “These are my charges, Arrowhead.”

He started with introductions, pointing to a man leaned up against the wall, who had sleepy eyes and a face Josuke would find attractive if it wasn’t for the tattoo on his chin, “Yuuya Fungami, drummer.” Yuuya nodded in greeting. Tonio pointed to a pretty girl with long black hair who was intently staring at Koichi, “Yukako Yamagishi, lead guitarist.” She didn’t even acknowledge Josuke, but held out a hand for Koichi to shake (which he did, if a little hesitant due to her staring). He swept a hand towards a man with impressively tall hair and two braids, “Keicho Nijimura, bassist.” Keicho gave them a cold stare and said nothing. “And last, but not least,” Tonio clapped his hand on a scarred man who had been too busy slamming a taco the entire time and didn’t notice people had walked up, “Okuyasu Nijimura, lead singer and rhythm guitarist.”

Okuyasu jumped a little, before turning a little pink and waving, “Sup?” His voice sounded he had came out of the womb smoking like a freight train.

Josuke was taken aback when he got a good look at the guy. The symmetrical scars running parallel on Okuyasu’s face did nothing to detract from how goddamn hot he was. Square jaw, angular face, black and silver hair pulled up into a ponytail, three piercings in each ear, ripped arms that had tattoos snaking up them, good God almighty. The first thought that entered Josuke’s mind when looking Okuyasu in the face was Oh no, he’s hot. The first words out of his mouth were “Those tacos smell so fuckin’ good.” Real smooth.

Without another word, Okuyasu offered him one. Josuke ignored how the blonde guy glared at him, and took the proffered taco, “Thanks dude.”

“S’no prob.”

As Josuke started chowing down, about to start chatting up the cute guy, when Okuyasu unceremoniously got up and walked away. Trying not to look so bitter, Josuke turned towards Koichi, but Yukako was asking him incredibly personal questions about his life, while Tonio started ushering Yuuya to hair and makeup, “Photographer’s not here yet, but you need to be ready since you’re the first up.”

“Yeah yeah, stop pushing.”

Keicho’s cold stare was unwavering and was starting to give Josuke the heebie jeebies, “Oi, Koichi. I’m gonna have a smoke.” Josuke didn’t bother to listen for Koichi’s stammered reproach before heading outside (which might have been a strangled cry for help). Truth be told, he really didn’t need a cigarette, he just kind of wanted to go pout. But luck would have it, when he went outside, Okuyasu was sitting on the curb with earbuds in, watching some video. Nosy as shit, Josuke hovered over his shoulder to see what he watching, “Are you watching Real Housewives of Atlanta??”

Okuyasu nearly jumped out of his skin, phone fumbling in his hand, “Oh shit!” he whipped around, wearing glasses he didn’t have on earlier, unlit cigarette dangling from his lips, “Uh, I can explain.”

Oh no, he’s so fuckin’ cute Josuke hollered inwardly. He held his hands up in defense, “Sorry man, didn’t mean to scare ya.” Pulling out his own pack of cigarettes, he sat down beside him on the curb, “Don’t gotta explain anything to me, I love trashy reality shows.”

“You ain’t makin’ fun of me, are ya?” Okuyasu asked, scowling.

“What? Nah, reality shows are the shit. I love binge watching them.” Josuke fished around in his pocket, “You got a lighter?”

As if Okuyasu was trying to divine if Josuke was lying, he stared at him for a few seconds before handing over his lighter, “Jus’ asking. Keicho gives me shit for watching them, but they’re hilarious.”

Josuke lit his cigarette, “Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life.” Inhale. He gave Okuyasu a serious look, speaking on the exhale and handing his lighter back, “Fuck what he thinks.”

Okuyasu was quiet while he lit up and took a drag. For a moment, Josuke was worried that he had already overstepped his boundaries with someone he literally just met. God, no wonder he didn’t have any friends.

He was snapped out of mentally kicking his own ass when Okuyasu spoke, holding up his right earbud, “Wanna watch with me?”

“Hell yes I do, which episode are you on?”

“The one where Ridickulous shows up—“

“THAT’S MY FAVORITE ONE—��

“DUDE, MINE TOO.”

They ended up talking while watching, not really paying much attention to the show until Ridickulous showed up, which was met with raucous laughter. Josuke learned that Keicho was Okuyasu’s older brother, that the only thing better than chocolate or strawberry ice cream was strawberry ice cream with chocolate chunks, he smoked his cigarettes like he did his joints, he smelled insanely good, most of his tattoos didn’t have much more meaning than “They looked cool as shit when my dude drew them”, and that Okuyasu Nijimura was the most genuine person he had ever met. He was sweet, eager to please, loud, and friendly. Josuke was already dangerously enamored.

Josuke hadn’t even been aware of how much time passed until Koichi came out, “They’re looking for you guys. Keicho’s almost done, so you both need to go to hair and makeup.” Yukako hovered in behind Koichi, her eye’s sliding between Okuyasu and Josuke with a blank expression on her face.

“Shit, I hadn’t even realized,” Josuke stood up and held a hand out to help Okuyasu up, “Let’s go before we get murdered.”

With a grin, Okuyasu took his hand and hopped up, “Yeah, god forbid we disappear for a minute.”

It was hilarious watching Okuyasu, who had never had makeup put on him in all his life, grimace as his face was caked. “This shit smells weird.”

Josuke couldn’t help but cackle while he did his own hair, “Get used to it, dude. This is your life now.”

Makeup finished, Okuyasu got started on his own hair, “Josuke, the least surprisin’ thing you could ever tell me about yourself is the fact that you don’t let anyone else do your hair.” He was fighting with stubborn strands that didn’t want to stay still, “The pomp is cool, you pull it off.”

A quick glance in the mirror told Josuke that he managed to keep his blush to a minimum, “Thanks dude, you got some slick style there yourself.” The shy, pleased grin that crossed Okuyasu’s face was an image he wanted branded to the inside of his eyelids.

Okuyasu was up for pictures first, looking anxious and green. It was clear to Josuke that he had no idea what he was doing. “Dude, just relax!” he shouted, “You’re looking fine!” What he didn’t say was that he meant that two ways. With a slight nod, Okuyasu relaxed slightly, and his pictures started coming out better. Josuke was trying to go for the somewhat disinterested watching, but damn, he couldn’t help but stare. This dude was cute. Out of the corner of his eye, Josuke caught Keicho staring at him again. What was that guy’s deal??

He couldn’t ruminate on an answer, because as soon as he thought that, Yuuya suddenly sat down beside him, causing Josuke to yelp in a totally manly way, “Jesus! You scared the shit out of me!”

“Sorry dude,” Yuuya was eating a leftover taco, “Busy watchin’ the show?” He tilted his head toward the photographer fussing at Okuyasu, shit-eating grin on his face.

Josuke did not like that smug look Yuuya was sporting, “He looks nervous. Jus’ tryin’ to help him out.”

“That’s just how he is,” without looking over his shoulder, Yuuya tossed the taco wrapper behind him, hitting a trashcan, “He doesn’t know how to chill out.”

They sat in silence few a couple of minutes before the eyes Josuke felt on his back were getting on his last goddamned nerve, “Why is that guy staring at me like I murdered everyone he’s ever cared about?”

Yuuya eyed Keicho for a second before shrugging, “That’s just how he is too.”

Before Josuke could even ask what the fuck that even meant, Keicho punched Yuuya’s shoulder as he walked by, “Come on, asshole. It’s time for the cover.”

“Ow, that fuckin’ hurt, dickhead.” Taking his time, Yuuya stood up and stretched, rubbing his punched shoulder. “By the way, Okuyasu’s single,” Yuuya said casually, as if he was answering a question that had been posed.

Josuke sputtered, his face scarlet, “WHAT MAKES YOU THINK—“

Yuuya pointed at his nose, “I got a nose for romance,” and then he dead ass winked at Josuke before walking away. Josuke wondered if he was that obvious. Perhaps that explains why big bro Keicho stared daggers at him. Maybe he needed to work on being subtle, but Higashikata’s were never, ever subtle (thanks mom).

The cover shoot didn’t take too long, much to Josuke’s surpise. Not a whole lot of time passed before it was Josuke’s turn. Okuyasu was dragging his feet, watching intently, while Keicho was demanding they leave. Tonio, bless him, told them that he needed to speak to Koichi about business matters before they left (mercifully saving him from Yukako’s question of “What do you look for in a woman?”) Josuke didn’t know if Tonio was picking up on something, or just making assumptions, but he appreciated it.

When the pictures were mercifully done, Josuke ran to the bathroom real quick to reorient himself, muttering under his breath, “Okay, Higashikata. You got this. You’re cool, suave, and undeniably handsome.” Josuke applied a quick coat of lip gloss before heading back out there, “Get that cute guy’s number.”

After leaving the bathroom, Josuke was greeted to an almost empty room. Okuyasu was nowhere to be found. In fact no one associated with Arrowhead was there; Keicho had muscled them out of the door as soon as Josuke left the room, Koichi helpfully explained, patting Josuke’s shoulder as he felt his confidence leak out of him like a sad balloon.

Josuke pouted the whole way home, and Koichi couldn’t tempt him out of a foul mood. “Josuke, what’s the problem??” Koichi asked, finally fed up with his huffing and sighing, “Why are you like this?”

“Koichi, I’m gay,” Josuke said, head leaned against the window.

“I know this, you’ve told me before. What does that have to do with you sighing like a moody teenager?”

“I was gonna ask Okuyasu for his number, but they left before I could.” He felt like a fucking fool, why did he have to run to the bathroom like a scared baby? It was taking a lot of effort to not punch his own face in. “That Yuuya guy told me he was single and everything. Was I that obvious??”

As they sat at a stoplight, Koichi patted his shoulder, tactfully choosing to not answer the last question, “Don’t sweat it, Hollywood is small. You’ll run into him again.” Actually, Koichi could easily get Okuyasu’s number, but he knew better than to offer. It would only hurt Josuke’s pride.

Josuke shrugged and changed the subject, deciding to throw a pity party for himself later, “So about that Yukako chick…”

Koichi grimaced, “She followed me around the whole time. Asked me how I got such a high powered client when we’re the same age! And a bunch of personal stuff like my underwear size and what kind of man did I consider myself to be.”

“At least she’s cute?” Josuke offered, an apologetic smile on his face.

“She is that…also intense. Very…intense…”

“Did you get her number?”

Koichi sighed as he pulled into Josuke’s driveway, “She took my phone, put her number in it, and then texted herself.”

“Damn,” Josuke snorted with mirth, “Hey man, you might end up getting laid before my dry spell ends. I’m rooting for ya.”

Josuke didn’t need to look at Koichi to know that he was getting a look. He hopped out of the car and waved goodbye as his friend pulled out of the driveway. Upon walking through the front door, he greeted an empty house. “I’m home!” he called out to no one. Josuke really wished his mom hadn’t moved back east, but after his grandfather had that heart attack and refused to move to Los Angeles, someone had to stay with him. He could use advice, and was tempted to call her. No, he was grown ass man. No advice from mom, you die like a man.

…He’ll just call her later.

One shower and ordered pizza later, Josuke laid on his bed, booted up both his laptop and PS4. It was time for Netflix and Learning As Much About Your Crush As Possible. With Netflix on Worst Cook’s in America, pizza in one hand, and beer in the other, he typed in Arrowhead into Google and got to work.

Two hours later, he laid on his bed, hands folded across his chest, and stared at his ceiling, Netflix and pizza forgotten. Arrowhead’s second, self-titled album had been on repeat for the last hour. Metal was never his cup of tea, but Okuyasu’s husky, rough voice made the hair on the back of his neck stand up and chills run down his spine. If he didn’t have it bad for Okuyasu before, he certainly fucking did now. Josuke briefly wondered if this is how he sounded when he woke up in the morning, or when he was needy and wanted—

Josuke promptly rolled over and started screaming into his pillow. Why was he like this?

You’re a fucking mess he thought to himself, You have it bad for a dude who you barely even know, just because the way he sings goes directly to your dick.

“He’s also really hot and nice,” Josuke mumbled aloud. He paused before tearing out of bed, determined to shower, do anything that would get his mind off of Okuyasu. “I also need to stop talking to myself!” he said, ripping his clothes off, jumping into lukewarm water.

After a long, somewhat cold shower, Josuke steeled himself. He was gonna get that fucking number.