#and whatever he's got going on he's Very Motivated about it as per the most recent comic pages. bold moves

[unproduciblesmackdown]

fr is he, you know.............................................repeatedly described as being Impersonable and Lacking Charm and Pedantic and confused / bothered by things he supposedly shouldn't be while inspiring confusion / botherment in others in ways he supposedly shouldn't and like 99.9% of the grief he's given is over All That while he's just sitting or standing there rather than the like intimidatingly efficient hitman georg thing he has going on. which is in fact The Skill That Makes Him Useful Despite It All and also perhaps the least foothold in interactions because [worried he can & may kill you] affords power when otherwise just being the weird guy nobody likes(tm)

bonus mordecai balling

[inbarfink]

Okay, so here is my Thought…

It’s already being established that the majority of worlds in the AT Multiverse are born from wishes granted by Prismo. I mean, we know there are other types of alternative universes (Like Flapjack’s universe) - but Prismo’s exposition implies they are the exceptions and not the rule. And we already know the Wish that birthed Farmworld, and we even got a Word of God about Babyworld (a Wish made by BMO) but… 

Was Winterworld also born from someone’s wish?

While first watching the episode, I was wondering if that was a universe born from Ice King’s wish to, like, make Princess Bubblegum madly in love with him or something. But after all of the reveals at the end of the episode and thinking about it a bit more - I feel like this is unlikely. 

I mean for once, there is the question of how the ‘One Wish Per Person' rule works with the existence of a multiverse. Because we know our Simon also tried using his Prismo Wish

(And from their interactions in Episode 4 it seems like Prismo considers Ice King and Simon to be the same person, So a Wish made by Ice King would also count as the one Wish for Simon)

So like… if Ice King made a Wish with Prismo and then got teleported into Winterworld where his wish was granted and then like… a duplicate of him keeps going in Mainworld Ooo and that one’s actually the Simon we follow… would that Simon get his own Wish from Prismo? Or would the Winter King count as the separate Simon who didn’t waste his Wish yet? Finn has already used up his own Wish but his situation is kinda unique cause he, like, came back from being Farmworld Finn. I’m not sure about the rules here but I’m feeling like it shouldn’t work, Simon used up his one Wish failing to bring Betty back so that means he probably didn’t wish up Winterworld.

I don’t feel super-confident about that, but I feel a bit more sure of this next observation; Prismo says that the Wishes he grants, whatever he wants them to or not, always have some sort of a Monkey’s Paw or ironic twist thing going on. They never go quite right for the Wisher. And the Winter King was doing extremely well until our Free Radicals came along.

I mean… maybe the fact that Pre-Curse Simon would’ve been disgusted with the Winter King’s actions counts. Or maybe the implication is that with the Candy Queen’s recent ‘escalation’ he would’ve been killed sooner or later even without the Multiverse Trio’s intervention.

But… compared to how throughly and how quickly Farmworld went badly for Finn specifically- that honestly feels like a stretch. I think that if Winterworld was born from the Wish of any character - it was most likely Marceline.

She has all the motivation to Wish for Simon to have his memories and/or sanity back - and had it for the longest time out of all of his acquaintances. And if it was her Wish - then it sure as hell has gone extremely wrong for her. 

The woman that she loves has been doomed to the same torturous existence Simon has been trapped in alongside her entire kingdom. And Simon might have his sanity and identity again, but this vile man who willingly and knowingly condemned PB to a life of suffering in his stead is so much farther away from the kindly father figure Marceline remembers than Ice King the crazy old Wizard ever was.

And then he also stole Marceline's most beloved personal possessions and like… probably killed her and definitely replaced her with an icy duplicate who is forever the child he wants her to be. If this Wish is some sort of Ironic Monkey's Paw to anyone, I think Marceline makes the most sense. 

(I will give an honorable mention to Betty, because she also very much has the motivation and it is kinda weird we haven’t seen her try and save Simon with a Prismo wish. But I think that while, like, dying in the Mushroom War unmourned and unremembered by the man you did all of this for is a pretty miserable fate.... I still think that Marceline’s narrative fits the idea of cruel irony a lot better)

[jaylaxies]

CAN'T YOU SEE ME?

PAIRING: heeseung x fem!reader (ft. mingyu from svt)

GENRE/CW: smut, the reader is three years older than heeseung, protected sex, slight cunnilingus and fingering, childhood friends to lovers, angst, fluff, mentions of cheating, mentions of nicknames, mentions of food/eating, mentions of jake, i'm sorry mingyu </3 lmk if i missed something!

WC: 11k words

SYNOPSIS: lee heeseung first met you when he was four. to him, you were the epitome of an angel, the one who was selflessly available for the bambi eyed boy. at the age of ten, he learned that he liked you, wanting you to be his babysitter and no one else. he knew what he felt for you was love by the time you were in your third year of college, him being determined to confess soon, also entering the college as a freshman. but will he be able to win your heart with the entry of your newfound boyfriend?

WARNING: 18+ content, minors dni.

A/N: hihi, sweethearts <33 this one is for all the hee noonas out there! it turned out longer than intended aaa i really hope you enjoy reading it! all likes, comments, reblogs and feedbacks are highly appreciated, it keeps me motivated! :3 iloveyou guys, happy reading~ <33

As a seven-year-old, going to school was the most fascinating part of your day, even more so when you got to observe and take in the scenery outside, your curious mind trying to record the weather patterns and asking your teacher about why it changed as per the course of time.

It was a given at how proud your parents were to see your zeal to understand and learn whatever intrigued your mind, their wide smiles while you asked them questions was enough to prove that. Albeit, they did find themselves speechless at certain times, not having the answer with them.

Although, you were genuinely confused to see a big truck parked near the premises of your house as your school bus dropped you back home. The surroundings were scattered with different boxes of all sizes scattered around the front lawn of your neighbouring house, a few strangers carrying those boxes inside.

Your eyes skimmed to your mother, who was gracefully laughing at something another woman had said, you had never seen her before though. At that very moment, you decided you liked that woman for making your mom smile carelessly and you greeted her by bowing down, introducing yourself with a smile that reached your eyes.

“Aren't you a little angel?” the lady smiled at you, taking your small hands and shaking them.

While most adults didn't bother with kids, you were more than ecstatic to have met someone who was keen to know about your hobbies, your mother watching fondly as you replied to her questions with enthusiasm.

Your lips soon turned into a frown as you saw a little figure standing behind Lee, and you gasped when he let out a whine to get her attention, not expecting any noise of such sort. Your mother cooed gently, striking up a conversation with Mrs. Lee again as you observed the boy in front of you.

You weren't sure what intrigued you about him so much. Maybe it was the fact that he had pretty big eyes and a small face with puffed-up cheeks. Adding to that, he held a bambie plushie in his hands — surprisingly resembling his face.

“Won't you introduce yourself, sweetie?” Mrs. Lee asked the little boy, who finally broke eye contact with you to nod at his mother with a gulp.

With his hands outstretched, he spoke up in a sweet voice, “I am Lee Heeseung and I am four.”

At that very instant, the wind blew softly, messing his hair up, which he patted hurriedly before stretching his hand again. His curious eyes fixated on you once more. He looked like a porcelain doll to you with his delicate frame.

You gently held his hand, telling him your name, which he repeated after you in an experimental manner, getting the pronunciation right on the second time with a nod, causing you to clap in delight at the little ball of sunshine.

“Mom look! He looks like Bambi!” you squealed and he looked around, confused at your sudden comment and his lip quivered, thinking that you called him the name of an animal in a funny manner.

Soon, his big eyes were filled with tears as he held on to his mother's leg, complaining that you called him a Bambi.

Never in your life had you been in a situation like this, leaving you clueless as the little boy sniffled in front of you, his mother bending down to wipe his cheeks, which were stained red with his crying.

“I'm sorry—” you softly fiddled with your fingers, feeling guilty for making him cry.

“Oh no, sweetheart! You were just complimenting his eyes, right?” his mother spoke up and you nodded. She gave you a reassuring smile and you noticed how her eyes looked exactly like Heeseung's.

She turned towards the crying boy again, “Did you hear that, Heeseung? She called your eyes pretty! Won't you say thank you to her?”

“She d—didn't make fun of me?” he softly inquired, clutching his plushie tighter.

“Of course not! She said that you have beautiful eyes!” her words made him turn to you.

“I—Thank you,” he softly whispered, tugging on your dress which made you bend down with caution.

He softly pressed his lips on your cheek in a feather-light kiss.

His ministrations made you giggle, and he learned that the situation was back to okay, so he followed your actions and showed you his adorable smile, eyelashes still wet from his crying session earlier.

That concluded your first meeting with Lee Heeseung, an angelic boy who was too sensitive around new people, however, he opened up to you in record time and wished to show you all his toys. Your name was his favourite word to say out loud and he sweetly waited for you to come back from school each day in hopes of playing with you.

To say you were his favourite person to play with would be an understatement, he went as far as giving you the Bambi plushie when he saw your face sporting a sad frown once you had come back from school.

Little Heeseung adored your existence.

You saw him grow up from a four-year-old to a ten-year-old. He was taller and talked a lot more, he didn't carry his plushies around anymore and most importantly, he loved causing trouble.

He had always gotten what he had asked for, kept like a spoiled Bambi prince. And the prince wanted no one else but you to babysit him. Mr and Mrs Lee were both busy in their own fields, business trips being a common venture for them.

However, leaving Heeseung alone was never an option for them. Taking him along wasn't one either with his constant demands and the need for attention, that wasn't something his parents could afford to take care of in the middle of their meetings. Neither was he too keen on the idea of having a complete stranger as his babysitter.

Which left them with his last resort — you.

Ten-year-old Heeseung was the epitome of a good boy when it concerned you, and that made your job of babysitting myriads easier, especially when you got a good amount of cash for it, which you tucked away in your savings safely.

“He's a spawn of satan!” the other babysitter had said, the one who gave up trying to feed him.

“He is?” you asked slowly, “But he's always been so quiet and understanding.”

Which was partially correct since he was on his best behaviour around you.

The babysitter just shook her head, “He threatened to not eat at first and when he got hungry, he took the matter into his own hands and proceeded to open the fridge. In conclusion, it was a disaster.” the sixteen-year-old explained and you wondered if Heeseung was capable of doing so.

Nevertheless, you nodded with a smile and took house keys from her, making your way to his house with your backpack to do homework in the meantime. You didn't understand what the babysitter had said, for, Heeseung happily sat at the dining table and ate his food without a spot of mess around him.

“Hey, Bambi!” you happily spoke up and he smiled when he saw you at his place, patting his hair once you ruffled it before sitting with him.

He told you all about his school stories and secrets, you heard it all attentively and helped him with his homework whilst you were doing your own alongside.

“You know Jake?” he asked, and you nodded with the memory of him mentioning his classmate.

“He likes a girl! Isn't that gross?” he scrunched his nose while solving the math problem in front of him.

“Why is that gross?” you inquired, a small smile on your face as you heard him talk.

“Is it not?” he questioned, tilting his head.

His family loved him, they really did. They were busy individuals still and hence, Heeseung was usually left alone, which is also why he didn't like meeting new people since either. He was curious about everything and somehow believed that you'll be the answer to all his questions.

“It is cute, don't you think? If you like someone then you share all your happiness and sadness with them! It's a happy feeling!” that's all you could tell the ten-year-old, not having faced such a situation before but that's what you had gathered from movies and books to date.

“Oh, it's fine if Jake is happy then,” he muttered, eliciting a laugh out of you.

“Can we have ice cream before mom comes back? Please?” his eyes shone and you pinched his cheek.

You were never the one to go out of your way and break the rules, especially when his mom had strict rules for him, including the one which stated that he will get his share of ice cream only once a week.

His big eyes pleaded in silence and you gave up, it was almost like taking care of your younger sibling as you didn't have any. You swore his eyes lit up at the seraphic treat, jumping with joy when he tasted it for the first time, kissing your knuckles right after as a gesture to say thank you.

Heeseung was perfectly fine to be around which further made you question if the babysitter just wanted a way to get an off for the day. He held your hand the entire walk, it was habitual since he always held his mom's hand, he finished his ice cream while explaining how to play the newest video game his parents got him last week, stating it was the coolest thing ever.

His mother was elated to see him silently reading his course book, sitting alongside you in harmony. She called you her lifesaver and you only shook your head, embarrassed at her usual sense of politeness as she gave you a little box of cookies which she picked up while coming back home, saying good night to you but was stopped.

Heeseung ran towards the door and hugged your taller frame, whining about you having to leave just when he was going to show you his video game and you promised that you'll give him your undivided attention the next time you come over.

“You can stay here for the night! Your house is next to ours anyways!” he proposed.

“I'll be back, yeah?” you sadly said, not having it in you to reject his offer, however, you did have to go back. His whine was loud as you closed the door behind him, chuckling at his usual antics.

That was the day Lee Heeseung had confirmed that you made him happy.

Even his diary was aware of the fact that at the ripe or age of fifteen, both your families had made a plan to go for a day out, the location being an amusement park. It was hard for him to not see you each day since you did spend the majority of your childhood with him. Being eighteen, you were devoted to entrances and college hunting, trying to stay close to your family by opting for the university nearby.

He had been so used to being near you, for, you were always there for him when his parents weren't, as a babysitter, as a friend, and as someone who made him happy.

You always accompanied him while walking back home from school, he treated you with dinners when you were asked to keep a watch on him. Nothing ever changed, he was still that kid who craved your attention.

Seeing you dressed up all pretty was enough to capture his attention for the day, following you around for every ride and activity you had wanted to do for the day as your parents sat down at a restaurant after a few rides themselves, leaving you alone with him.

“So,” he spoke up, voice deeper with the onset of puberty.

You had to look up at how tall he had gotten and you still remember the four-year-old Hee who cried in front of you, the fond memory tugging your lips up.

“So?” you repeated, getting your boba from the stall nearby and getting him his favourite ice cream, who you had memorized by now.

“College soon, huh?

Your eyes gleam and you nod, “I can't wait!”

“Why? Don't you like it here?” he asked with a tinge of hope that you'll stay.

You bit your lip, taking a sip of your boba before laughing softly, “I'm not going anywhere, I got into the HYBE University—”

You weren't even finished with your confession yet and were tackled into a hug, almost making your drink fall off with how close Heeseung held you, “Fuck, I thought you were going to leave!” he spoke up and you smacked his arm.

“Language!”

His actions might have been perceived as goofy for you. However, deep down, he was scared to lose you, the three-year age gap only added to his list of concerns. He knew that whatever he felt for you was something only restricted to you, a giddy feeling he didn't feel around anyone else but you.

An additional aspect that he had been afraid of would be your perception of him. He wondered if you had always ever seen him as a sibling figure, he had wished for it to be something more. Unlike the stupid protagonists in the romance novels — that's what he called them, he was aware of the feelings he harboured for you.

You ruffled his hair, an action which had become your habit now, his hugs always gave you a sense of comfort, something that you happily accepted.

“You look happy,” you pointed it out.

“Well, I wouldn't exactly be happy if my best friend leaves me alone here,” he explained, calling you a friend was the farthest he could go, but he would never refer to you as a sister, ever.

You raised your brow at that statement, “Best friend? What happened to Jake?” you teased lowly.

“You know what I mean!” he rolled his eyes, smiling at the laugh that bloomed out of you. “What are you looking forward to then?” his inquiry made you think for a second, sitting down on the closest bench before you proceed to answer.

“It's going to be a wholly new experience, a refreshing setting maybe? And I'm looking forward to new friendships, and a chance at more, I guess?” you shyly spoke up.

“A boyfriend you mean?” he deadpanned.

He wasn't very keen on knowing your desires anymore, you were never the one to talk about your love life, catching him off guard with your sudden revelation. You craned your head towards him, not noticing the switch in his tone despite the irritation being clear on his face.

“If I get the chance to have one then, yeah?” you smiled and he returned it, but it didn't reach his eyes.

His mood was sour till you got back home, the further plans included your dinner together. It wasn't silent, your parents had a lot to talk about the current political issues, which left you to stay mum and consume your food quietly. Heeseung didn't utter a word throughout the meal, he was deep in thought about something and you furrowed your brows when you saw him mindlessly playing with food.

“A penny for your thoughts?” you broke his session of overthinking ways to not let you get into a relationship, he didn't have any ideas still.

With the conclusion of dinner, your parents had left to sit in the living room, continuing with their discussions from before, leaving you with Heeseung to clear up the table.

“It's nothing.” He dismissed you in a beat.

“Are you sure?” you slowly asked, he was never the one to keep stuff to himself.

You weren't ready for his next action, he wasn't sure how he got enough courage to do so either.

His smirk was cocky as he bent down to your height, his face in close proximity to yours.

“Aw, are you worried about me?” his works were filled with sarcasm.

“Of course! I care for you.” your words were genuine, fingers wrapping around his arm while your eyes bored into his deep brown ones, heart beating faster at the propinquity.

His strong persona faltered at your sincerity, his body automatically engulfing you in a warm hug where he held you with utmost softness. You held him for as long as it took for him to feel okay again without any question, that being the reason why that particular day was counted as one of his favourite days — because your words paired with the look in your eyes told him that deep inside, maybe, just maybe, you held at least a tinge of love for him as he did for you.

Spending time with you was a luxury for him, considering your ever-so-busy schedule, since you had started college. Nevertheless, making time for him was something you were bound to do, the usual movie nights helping you take your mind off the undulated stress you had been harbouring.

One thing Heeseung learned while growing up was that he was more creatively inclined than anything else, studies didn't intrigue him, it was something he was obliged to do, which was great since the guitar was his newfound obsession. Another activity he started to impress you but fell in love with it gradually.

Heeseung took care of you the entirety of your first year in university. Whether it consisted of taking you out for your favourite food or simply accompanying you to the park for a breather, he was present with you at all times.

“You must be cold,” he whispered, fog leaving his mouth as you both wandered around the streets on a winter day.

You turned your head to get a clear sight of him, hair messy and eyes filled with worry, you couldn't believe he was seventeen already, cursing time for passing by this quickly. His nose had turned red with the chilly wind blowing outside and—

“Hey, are you okay?” he snapped you out of your daydream. Blinking twice, you looked down, embarrassed to realize that you were staring at him unconsciously.

“Yeah, I'm fine.” your smile wasn't convincing when you were, indeed, freezing.

Soon, you were wrapped in the warmth of his coat, his scent invading your senses, but you couldn't let him freeze out there.

Instead, you held his hand while dragging him towards the nearest convenience store. He followed you wordlessly, eyes focused on your figure covered with his coat and the sight of his hands in yours, even the cold couldn't stop how warm his heart felt with this setting, even more so when you asked him to sit down, getting his favourite ramen noodles ready and passing it to him.

“You know me so well,” he fondly stated, eyeing the drink you got for him alongside.

“Of course I do! I've been your babysitter for so long!” you spoke up, teasing him, knowing well enough how he doesn't like to be babied anymore.

“God, I'm not a baby anymore!”

The shy blush on the apple of his cheeks said otherwise, which you pinched and he swore even the minute gesture gave him butterflies, especially when you laughed at his flustered state, genuinely content while spending time with him.

“How's college?” he asked.

In all honesty, he wanted to know if you were romantically interested in someone at the college, with your other experiences too, of course.

You fiddled with your fingers for a second, biting your lip before turning to answer, “The usual, assignments are a bother. But yeah! We found this cute cafe nearby and the food was to die for! I'll take you there someday.”

His heartbeat fastened as you initiated the plan to take him out someday. He was definitely getting ahead of himself but he didn't mind it a bit. You could pay him a sliver of attention and that would be enough to send him into a state of frenzy.

And over the span of a year, he noticed you being happier each time you met, which only fuelled his desire to do more, anything to make your happiness tenfold.

Eventually, your daily meet-ups were reduced to weekly and soon, even less. You last properly spent time together on his eighteenth birthday, mostly reminiscing about everything you've done together, all his childhood albums had your pictures, at least one if not more. He was overjoyed to hear that you took a day off just to spend his special day with him, and you knew that you'd do it again in a heartbeat.

But, since then, he'd been indulging himself in studies, “I need to get into a good college as well,” he had stated. You admired how hard he worked. You frowned when he kept ignoring your pleas to know what college he had selected. It only made you wonder if the said boy wanted to travel overseas and study abroad, he would get into a good college with how diligently he worked throughout his last year at school.

However, it didn't stay on your mind for long when you finally caught the attention of the guy who you had been eyeing the first year. Kim Mingyu, the heartthrob, girls (and guys) swooned over him, and you were one of them, you couldn't blame them because Kim Mingyu was an eye candy with a smile that could make anyone crane their necks just to have a glimpse of him.

You were no exception. The expected part in this ordeal would be that he noticed you, and not just in a friendly advancing manner. It was last year when he first learned your name, attention on you when you wore your little skirt to a party where your friend dragged you along. You hated every bit of it, feeling as if it was a mistake that you even agreed to this, until Mingyu came along.

It was a pleasant night, you both sat on the balcony and talked for a few hours. Soon, he found himself around you more, until he finally kissed you very recently, approaching you with a proposal to be his girlfriend. As a twenty-one-year-old who had never been kissed, it felt like something straight out of a fairytale. And he kept you occupied for a good time, not letting intrusive thoughts bother you further.

“So you applied for the same college as her?” Jake asked with an amused smirk.

“Yeah, it's a great college and I had to work my ass off for it, but yes,” Heeseung spoke up, acting nonchalant.

It was a surprise for you, the sole reason why he didn't tell you before even when you asked him with the most adorable pout he had ever seen.

“Dude, you are so whipped!” he laughed at his best friend.

“What do you mean?” Heeseung furrowed his brows, however, his pink ear tips did nothing to hide his feelings.

“What I mean is that, you've been in love with her since forever,” he stated proudly, “And you are not good at hiding it, mate.”

“Since when do you know?” he sighed, hiding his blushing face behind his palm.

“Since you came to me telling me that it's not gross to like a girl, because your babysitter said so.”

Heeseung freely laughed at that. But Jake was right, he had always admired you ever since he was a child, it only bloomed and he only realized that he was in love with you at the age of sixteen.

He swore you grew prettier each time he saw you, as if he was in a trance and he couldn't stop his eyes from fixating on your lips when you talked. He wanted to kiss you.

“Will you tell her you got in?” Jake asked.

“I—yeah, I'm going to her place right after this to show her my acceptance letter,” he smiled softly, knowing that you'd jump and engulf him in a hug right after he breaks the news to you.

Although, what he didn't expect to see was you opening the door with your lipstick smudged and breathing rigged, “Hey, Hee! Did you want something?” you sweetly asked.

A deep voice resounded from inside before Heeseung even got the chance to reply, “Baby, who's there?”

Heeseung felt his heart breaking as a stranger came into view, opening the door fully to reveal a tall guy right behind you, his arms wrapping around your waist as you softly giggled.

“Mingyu, meet Heeseung!” you introduced him and he extended his arm out, Hee couldn't help but notice how his muscles flexed with each movement, veins protruding from his arm.

“Hee, this is my boyfriend.” your words were shy, however, you felt something unsettling in the air.

He gulped while introducing himself with a shakey breath, it was like it whole world came crumbling down with how fondly you looked at the guy, he was everything Heeseung wasn't. Naturally, he couldn't stop the tears brimming up his eyes.

“I—I'll come back some o—other time, I'm sorry if I disturbed you—” he swiftly said, leaving your place and sprinting towards his home.

“Heeseung—” you called out his name, concerned and ready to follow him but were stopped.

“Let the kid go, you can meet him later,” Mingyu whispered, kissing your neck again.

You nodded half-heartedly, noticing an envelope on the ground which you picked up before closing the door.

Heeseung knew you weren't his, but that didn't stop him from loving you all this time, he was so sure that it could have worked out after his constant efforts, he couldn't fathom you had a boyfriend and you didn't even bother telling him, did he mean so little to you?

“Fuck,” he cursed the timing, angry tears streaming down his cheeks, his knees giving up as he struggled to hold himself up, curling into a ball and crying into his arms.

“Why can't you see me, y/n?” he whispered, yearning.

Your mind was in a state of anguish after Mingyu left. Opening the letter was the first thing you did in his absence, slightly tearing up at the acceptance letter which Heeseung left on the ground. That's why he was working so hard. That's why he had been keeping his college from you. He wanted to surprise you.

He had come to you with that very motive, and you successfully drove him away.

“Oh Hee,” you softly whispered, making your way to his place, the wind slightly cold as it hit your bare arms which caused you to shiver. You rang the doorbell, hugging yourself while waiting.

You didn't get any reply.

With a sigh, you rang the bell again in hopes of getting an answer, your hand clutching the letter tighter.

After a few minutes of silence, you felt like giving up would be the best option for the night, wondering if he went to bed already, or maybe he went out to meet a friend.

Heeseung stood by his window, watching your drooped figure walking back to your place, eyes teary and he refrained himself to call out your name — he needed time to let this settle in.

You weren't his.

Another doorbell snapped him out of his trance. It wasn't you, but some delivery guy. Heeseung was sure that he had not ordered anything, he took the parcel with a questioning gaze. The delivery man was kind enough to tell him that the order was prepaid and he disappeared soon after handing it over.

The delicious scent of his favourite dish filled his nostrils as soon as he opened up the package, paired with his favourite drink. The sight made him choke up a sob.

No one knew about this except for you.

“Why do you give me hope, y/n?” he whispered to himself, chewing the food softly, cheeks red with how much he had cried in the past few hours.

Nevertheless, he was thankful for your gesture, at least for the night.

He knew that letting his feelings go would be the best idea. However, the idea of leaving you in the hands of a complete stranger, the one he didn't trust a bit was something he couldn't do.

With his thoughts running wild and his head bursting from the headache, he drifted off to the dreamland with the image of you in his mind.

Lee Heeseung was good at maintaining his distance, staying over at Jake's place to prevent running into you at times. You hadn't talked to him ever since that night, and it was killing you inside. You tried to tell Mingyu about this and he brushed it off saying how he's going through puberty right now.

With that being said, you never mentioned Heeseung in front of him, the sentence pissed you off but you stayed mum, not wanting to start an argument.

You did see Heeseung once, calling out his name. His speed was faster though, he got into the car and drove away even before you fully came out in the verandah.

That made you upset beyond words. You were clueless, unable to understand the sudden change in his behaviour, a frown plastered on your face for the rest of the day.

The only place he couldn't avoid you at was the college. It had been three days since Heeseung's semester had started and you failed to see him in all those days. Day four was definitely on your side as you watched the tall boy giggling and talking to some girl, who you assumed was also a fresher.

It seemed like you were the only one he was ignoring. With a gulp and shake of your head, you strided towards him, holding your tote bag tighter before you tapped on his shoulder.

He turned around, his smile dropping in an instant, turning into a frown as he told the girl to go on and that he'll join her in the classroom. You flinched unconsciously when he raised his brows at you.

“Uhm you have a girlfriend already?” you cringed at your choice of words. Way to start the conversation.

He rolled his eyes, taking a step back but you were quick to hold on to his arm, “I'm sorry, please just give me a second.”

You felt small under his gaze, he looked angry. Or disappointed. You weren't sure.

On the other hand, Heeseung was doing his best to not give in, his heart beating erratically when he saw you, your scent filling up his nose, which made him want to hold you.

“Congratulations for getting into the college, Hee! I knew you could do it.” you smiled softly.

“Ah, thanks.” his reply was short, so you proceeded to ask him what you had initially came to inquire.

“Why—” you stopped, taking in a shaky breath, “Why are you ignoring me? Did I do something wrong?”

He looked down, not being able to bear the look of hurt on your face. Thankfully, he got an excuse to escape.

“Oh look, your boyfriend is coming over,” he said, rolling his eyes and leaving.

Mingyu caught up to you soon, pecking your lips in an instant. Heeseung saw that, and what he felt was a lot worse than what he had expected.

He knew that Mingyu wasn't the one to be trusted. Heeseung was never the kind to judge someone on the basis of their looks. Mingyu was an exception — his fuckboy persona was too strong to ignore, and you were blinded by his charms. It was a hunch at first until he witnessed it with his own eyes.

Heeseung was leaving after his last class for the day, making his way towards the parking lot only to see Mingyu with a girl that wasn't you. They were close, too close and the faint sound of giggling made him see red. He sat down in the car, hitting the wheel.

“Can't you see, y/n? He's just gonna hurt you.” he hoped that somehow you could have seen him, heard him.

Going to Jake was the best option for him at given moment.

“Dude, you have to tell her,” he spoke softly, seeing his friend in distress.

“How? I can't even talk to her without wanting to kiss her, I feel like crying whenever I see her.” his voice came out strained.

“So you're gonna let that asshole hurt her?” Jake's question was blunt as he blinked impassively and he could only shake his head as a no.

He sat unmoving, letting his friend knock some sense into his brain, “Okay, I need a day or two to actually talk to her. I don't think she'll even want to talk to me after how I treated her today.”

“You have to be fast with your apology then. Quit being a kid and get your girl.”

Heeseung groaned, ear tips getting red at the mention of you being his girl, “Not mine—” he started and Jake raised his brows, “—yet.”

With a newfound motivation, he got back home. Not expecting anyone to be standing in front of his place, especially since his parents were out on their business trips, again.

All his confidence went down the drain when he squinted his eyes, getting out of his car to your shivering figure.

You went over to him as quick as you could muster, not giving him a chance to escape. This was too much, you had never felt this alone in your entirety of life. You tried to remind yourself that you had a boyfriend you can go to whenever you wish to seek comfort, but that wasn't the case either since Mingyu informed you about his plans with someone else.

It should have been fine, normal even. It wasn't the case — you cried, holding yourself in hopes of feeling better. You wished you had Heeseung with you then.

You hugged him, voice coming out muffled, “Please don't ignore me, I'll do everything to make it right again, Hee. Please—please just tell me what I did?” you looked at him.

His eyes widened slightly when he noticed that yours were slightly puffed up and red. He couldn't tell you, not right now.

“Why do you care?” he regretted his words as soon as they came out of his mouth. He wasn't supposed to say that.

“What do you mean?” you asked weakly.

“You have a boyfriend to go to,” he hated where this conversation was heading.

“Why do you keep bringing him up, what did he even do?” you were frustrated.

“You say you care about me and don't even bother telling me about getting a boyfriend? Trust me, y/n, he will hurt you.”

You stepped back, the feeling of anger coursing down your veins, “You don't even know him.”

“I know enough.” he replied in a beat, leaving you alone outside to cry.

His own tears slip out once he gets into the comfort of his home, confused about why he made it even harder for you both.

You tried to conceal your disappointment when Mingyu cancelled your date plans the very next day, you didn't bother asking him for a reason, simply saying that you understand. Which left you alone with your intrusive thoughts all over your mind.

You rushed to open the door as the doorbell rang, followed by the shout of your name and you knew it was Heeseung, you'd recognise his voice anywhere.

“Hee,” you whispered, seeing the boy in front of you, his hair was messed up and it clearly showed that he brushed them with just his fingers, eyes going down to his hands which held a small packet of your favourite chips.

“I'm—” he gulped, looking anywhere but at you, “—I've been an ass to you, I'm so fucking sorry, please don't be angry—” he stopped as soon as you threw your hands around his neck, pulling him in a hug, a year escaping your eye which you wiped without him noticing.

“How can I ever be mad at you?” your question made him melt, he felt safe in your arms, hold tightening as he whispered another sorry.

“Are we okay?” he asked cautiously, you hummed softly, his touch bringing a sense of comfort to your mind and body.

“Is everything alright?” you asked after a moment of silence as you both sat down on your bed.

“Y—yeah, I had some personal problems,” he confessed.

“Do you want to talk about it?” your hand itched to hold his.

“I think I'll be fine in a few days,” you nodded, understanding that he didn't wish to talk about it.

“But, what did you mean when you said that Mingyu will hurt me?” you asked, playing with your fingers.

He wasn't sure if it was the right time to tell you, especially when you looked so small and vulnerable in front of him. He called out your name slowly.

“I—I saw him with another girl yesterday.”

You looked at him with a confused face, “Was she tall with long hair?” you asked.

“Yeah, you know her?” he asked, eyes widening.

“She's a close friend of Mingyu. I was bothered at first, but Gyu assured me that it's nothing of that sort, just friendship,” you explained.

Heeseung rolled his eyes, flabbergasted at your native behaviour, at how easily you trusted your said boyfriend. The action luckily went unnoticed by you.

“Hey! You wanna go out?” he asked, switching the conversation and you let out a genuine laugh after god knows how long, his smile mirroring yours.

“Where do we go?” you asked, reaching to stroke his hair as a habit.

The answer, however, was just his smile.

It was as if you had enabled his sudden desire to explore every part of the city — which he had wanted to do from long, he just needed a bit of company for his rendezvous.

And you were here to provide him with just that. Heeseung wasn't accustomed to you having a boyfriend, but he did all he could to spend time with you, it was easy considering how Mingyu was always busy, cancelling the plans with you.

It wasn't a thing to be happy about, seeing the look on your face angered him, but that gave him the opportunity to be the one you'd spend your time with, and maybe, just maybe, you'd realize that he is the one you should be with and not some guy who doesn't bother taking out a few hours of his day to spend them with his girlfriend.

Safe to say, Heeseung never brought up Mingyu's name in front of you, not when he wanted your undivided attention all for himself.

He didn't do anything fancy at first, calling you over his place, letting you sit in between his legs while he went over the controls of the new game he had just purchased, teaching you how to play it. What he didn't know was that your heartbeat was just as fast as his own, the skin touching as he held your hand with the controller, and each move of his sent tingles down your spine.

You knew it wasn't normal for you to be feeling this way, ignorance was the key for you. However, you weren't sure how long it would work, especially when you got into a little argument with Mingyu.

“So you're on talking terms with the kid again?” he was amused, drinking his can of beer when you told him about what you've been up to, since he had been too busy this whole time.

“He's not a kid.” you huffed, “Where were you, it's been a week since I last saw you?” your voice held some sort of sadness.

“Honestly, I wanted to come over but Hoshi came over and dragged me to parties since he was in the town for a week. Sorry, baby.” he came closer, wrapping his arms around you and you couldn't help but notice that they didn't even give you a sliver of comfort that Heeseung provided you with just his existence.

You didn't let him kiss you, excusing yourself as your mom called you right on time, letting you know that she'll be extending her stay at your grandmother's place for a few more weeks. With that, you felt sulky for the whole day. It was crystal clear that Mingyu wasn't as invested in the relationship as he claimed he'd be when he first asked you out.

Walking home was easier while you contemplated your decisions, it was even effortless when you saw the bambi-eyed boy waiting for you outside, you knew you had to come to a conclusion soon.

So simply, you called Mingyu while waving at the smiling boy, he picked up the call after three rings. You inquired if he was sure about your date tomorrow, and he paused for a few seconds, seemingly to come up with an excuse.

“Y/n, I'm so sorry but can we shift it to—”

You scoffed, cutting the call short to save his excuses. Mingyu was never an option, it had always been someone else and you admit that you'd been too blind to see it. With a smile, you approached Hee, pulling him in a hug.

“You look happy,” he smiled, tucking your head under his chin.

“I am happy,” you truthfully admitted out loud and somehow, he could feel that your statement was related to him, making his heart flutter.

“Well, that's a great thing because we're going out,” he announced, ruffling your hair the exact way you did to him out of habit.

“Wait, right now? Where?” you asked, taking a look at your watch which displayed exact nine.

“You'll see, c'mon.” he took your hand as of it was the most natural thing to do, guiding you to his car and your eyes widened, you had never sat with him driving and he sensed your hesitance, pouting a bit, “What is that look for? I'm a great driver!” he huffed out.

“I trust you on that, Hee,” you spoke, your mind trying to comprehend how fast you both grew up, seeing Hee in the driver's seat was mesmerizing, his eyes fixated on the road, lip slightly bitten with concentration and fingers gripping the steering wheel in an attractive manner.

You hoped he didn't pay attention to your eyes practically analyzing his every movement, although he knew exactly what you were up to.

One thought gave rise to the other and soon, you were playing with your rings while looking outside mindlessly, thinking about the things you had to take care of in the upcoming days.

“Your thoughts are loud,” he spoke gently, hand coming down to rest on your thigh in a soft caress, almost like an urge to ask you what you had been thinking about.

“I—I'm sorry,” your face contorting into a wince mixed with a hint of awe.

Heeseung had been good at reading you ever since he was a child, he used to watch you come home from school while he was just four, waiting for you to come home. He'd simply get chocolates for you on the days you looked tired — getting them from his personal goodies stash which he shared with no one else but you.

He had been a darling from the very first day you met him.

“Let's get your mind off things,” he spoke up, parking the car and rushed to your side, opening the door for you.

He sure knew how to lift your spirits up, your lips curling up at the sight of a clean, empty beach wrapped around a blanket of the starry night sky. You walked forward, hair swaying with the light breeze, the rich scent of sand and water filling up your senses.

While you absorbed the view in front of you, Heeseung took this opportunity to get a good look at you. It was hard for him to look elsewhere when you were the prettiest person he had ever laid eyes on, he saw your smile and he but his own. It wasn't a foreign feeling for him, but it still scared him to know that you weren't his.

His train of thoughts broke as you held on to his wrist, dragging him closer to the water, feeling the sand on your feet with each step you took and before you knew it, he was chasing you while you ran with the softest giggle.

The old couple passing by the scene smiled fondly when Heeseung caught you in his arms, “Young love,” they spoke with shiny eyes, happy to be witnessing something so pure.

You weren't sad you got caught, in fact, you'll always wish for Heeseung to be the one who catches you.

To Heeseung, you were nothing less than a dream, a happy bundle of joy as you comfortably laid down next to him on the sand, courtesy of the picnic blanket he had kept in the back of his car.

“You see that?” he points at the star which shines the brightest in the sky.

You nod, turning your head to see his face right after.

“That's you.” his hand then shifted to point at the star right next to it, “And next to your star, that's me.”

He turned his head to see you already looking at him. His eyes held all the stars this universe had to offer, skin shining under the moonlight.

You wanted to kiss him.

Your eyes flicked back to see a shooting star, immediately sitting up at the sight.

“Hee! Look, a shooting star!” you cried in delight, never having seen it in real life.

“Quick! Make a wish.” you closed your eyes, joining your hands.

Heeseung followed your actions, making a wish of his own.

“What did you wish for, Bambi?” you asked him softly.

“Well, that's a secret,” he grinned sheepishly, “What did you wish for, y/n?”

You scoffed, “That's a secret.” he pouted again.

You continue to stare at him, eyebrows cocked up until he burst into giggles.

And just like that, the night ended with you both wishing to have each other.

You wasted no time in getting to Mingyu's place the next morning, it was the fastest you had ever driven, the talk being important this time.

“Mingyu, we need to talk.”

He said your name out loud, confusion lacing his voice.

“I—I don't think it's gonna work between us.” your words were clear.

“So you want to break up?” he rolled his eyes with an accusatory tone, continuing further, “Why? Finally running back to that kid?”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah, you spend all your time with him. Does he fuck you that good?”

“Mingyu, you're crossing the line,” you warned him.

He laughed, “Why? Did I lie? You spend all your time with him anyways, and that kid never once called you noona, always acts like he's the one who's your boyfriend.”

“You're not my boyfriend anymore.” you stepped back, the place too suffocating for you.

“This is exactly why I cheated on you,” he admitted smugly, seeing you pause and stare at him with disbelief. You walked back, grabbing his collar.

“You know what? You're right, he's a million times better than you'll ever be.” your tone was low.

Before he could react, you punched him straight on the jaw, and a slight cut appeared on his cheek as he stumbled back with pain, “And you deserve that.”

You had never been this strongly disgusted with anyone else, tears welling up in your eyes as you sat down and drove back to your place, vision blurry and hands shaky.

It didn't feel real.

You'd admit that Mingyu wasn't that close to you, it was a fairy new relationship of three months but you'd never condone cheating. Adding to it, the false accusations regarding you and Heeseung, that was your breaking point, your blood boiling as you recalled the whole scene from a few minutes back.

With a teary face, you locked the car, getting into the comfort of your home at once, letting out a loud sob as you leaned against the door. You weren't sure if the reason for your crying was because you wasted your time on an asshole or the fact that you could have potentially spent that time with Heeseung instead.

He had warned you.

“Y/n! Open up!” the doorbell rang, Heeseung's voice following the sound.

Weakly standing up, you opened the door for him, his face falling at the sight of you. Red eyes and shaking figure. He wordlessly got in, closing the door and wrapping his arms around you, carrying you towards the couch as you sobbed into his shoulder, his hand caressing your back.

He sat down with you on his lap, “Hey, tell me what's wrong,” his worried voice made you frown, lip quivering as he put his finger under your chin, his Bambi eyes meeting yours.

“Hee—” you took a shaky breath, “I broke up with him.”

His eyes widened, a mini celebration happening inside him but that wasn't the thing that worried him, your crying state was something he had never witnessed before, especially when you were gasping for air so much.

“Shh, it's okay. I came as soon as I saw you from the window. Would you tell me what happened, angel?” the nickname would have made you smile had the situation been different.

“I went to his place, I couldn't be with him anymore, n—not when I liked someone else.” your words made him wonder if you were talking about him, that statement got his hopes up.

“And then he accused me of cheating. It would have been fine, but then he dragged you into this mess and admitted that he cheated just because he fucking thought that I did it,” you ranted, angry tears leaving your eyes.

Heeseung tightened his grip on your waist, “He what?” his voice was awfully low, giving you shivers.

His eyes weren't the usual soft ones, you could see how he was holding back a lot of words but you managed to hear a few faint sentences saying, “Fuck, I'll kill that asshole.”

You held on to him tighter, grabbing his attention, “He's the most stupid man to have ever let go of you I swear,” he whispered, kissing your temple, “Baby,” he made you look at him, your heart fluttering now that you had stopped crying, “You're safe here, I won't let anyone hurt you, yeah?” you nodded slowly, his words wrapping you in a protective blanket of comfort, the kind that only Lee Heeseung could provide.

He didn't leave your side for the whole day, ordered your favourite food and made sure you ate well, you noticed how he was a lot more affectionate, kissing your cheek, similar to how he used to do as kids. You felt shy around him.

The only thing that kept bugging the said boy was that he wanted to know what you meant when you said you liked someone else. He had your favourite food memorized, he made sure to place the order for your favourite chocolates and everything else you would need for your comfort.

You were beyond grateful, although you also wished to tell him that he was the only person you needed, and nothing more. You stare at him as he helps you with your night routine, insisting on applying moisturizer on your face. It's hard to focus on anything else but his breath fanning your face, summoning all the willpower you have to not kiss his pouty lips.

“You're taking care of me as if I'm the baby here,” you teased lightly.

“You've taken care of me your whole life, it's about time you rest and let me take care of you, y/n.” his tone was authoritative, a hint of teasing laced it.

“I see you're a big boy now,” you laughed softly and he came closer.

“Bigger than you think,” he spoke near the shell of your ear, your eyes widening at the sexual undertone, which left as soon as you saw a goofy smile adorning his face. Maybe he didn't mean it that way. You gulped, cheeks heating up as he cupped your cheeks.

“Feel better?”

“Hm, sorry you had to see me like this, Hee,” you smiled sadly.

“Hey, I'm here for you. Always.”

“Will you—” you licked your lips, looking away, “—stay the night? I mean, of course, you don't have to do it but yeah I still wanted to ask for the sake of—” he found your rambling cute, praying that you don't see how blush crept up his neck.

“I will.” he caressed your cheek, “You deserve the whole world,” he cooed at your smiley face, taking in your drowsy appearance.

“Come, let's get you to bed.”

He too settled in, getting his sweatpants and a loose white t-shirt for the night. He was staying with you after all.

“Hee?” you called out his name, the room dark and perfect for you to sleep in, his hand holding yours as your bodies maintained a fair distance for the sake of your sanity.

He hummed at the sound of his name.

“Why don't you call me noona?” your question threw him off guard as you remembered what Mingyu had said. It was true that Heeseung had never addressed you as noona before despite having a solid three years of age gap.

He turned towards you, watching your figure as his eyes adjusted to the dim environment of your room, his body still processing your scent on the pillows and the warmth of your body radiating close to him.

“I don't see you as a noona.” your eyebrows cocked up at that.

“What do you see me as then?” you whispered, asking him the question slowly so as to not disturb the peace in your room.

“Can't tell you just yet,” he mumbled. He wanted to tell you, he just didn't want to pressure you with his feelings right when you got out of a relationship, a relationship which didn't end well. “Why, do you wanna be called noona?”

“No!” you said in a beat.

“Are you sure?” you were sure his eyebrows were wiggling with this question.

“Heeseung—” you started but were pulled into his chest, your back against his chest as you let out a strangled gasp. His grip only got stronger as he whispered near your neck, tickling you in the process, “Sleep, noona.”

Only you knew how grateful you were for the lights being off, preventing the Bambi boy from seeing you smile like a maniac at the name. It wasn't a strange feeling anymore, it being pretty evident that you were crushing on a guy who was younger than you.

And you didn't regret it for a second.

It was afternoon when you woke up, the bed being empty and you wondered where Heeseung had gone, a tiny frown settling on your face.

You wanted to see his face the first thing in the morning.

Regardless, you got up and got yourself cleaned, getting into the shower to get rid of the bitter memories from yesterday. The shower was one of the places where you let your imagination run wild, pondering about a certain Lee Heeseung as you applied your favourite lychee body wash on your loofah, scrubbing your body gently — which again reminded you of how gentle he was while touching your face yesterday, how possessively he held you the whole night, as if you were his favourite soft toy to cuddle.

You wondered if that's what being with him would feel like, that if he'd accept you despite the age gap.

With a sigh, you got out of the shower, opting to wear your comfiest pair of shorts and a t-shirt, striding towards the kitchen to fend for your hungry self, only to find the tall boy making his way into your home, your eyes sparkling at the sight of him.

“Where did you go?” you lamented, and he held up a box of your favourite assorted doughnuts, making you gasp. Although it was the least of your worries when you noticed his bruising knuckles.

“How—” you asked, holding his hand and inspecting the wound, eyes widening at the blood.

He bit his lip, looking elsewhere before replying, “I might have paid a little visit to Mingyu,” you blinked one, and twice, making him sit on the couch and grabbing your first-aid kid from the kitchen, softly cleaning it with cotton and alcohol.

He hissed with pain, “Shh. Relax, baby.” he stilled at the name, gulping down the urge to pull you in his lap and smash his lips onto yours, confessing right after. He successfully refrained from doing so.

You cradled his face in your hands, “You don't need to hurt yourself for me, Hee,” you whispered.

“I'd do it a million times if it means that you'll be okay.” he pulled you in his lap, your hand holding on to his shoulder for support.

“Don't say that,” your voice came out breathy, heart beating out of your chest with how earnest his stare was.

“Why not?” his voice came out equally low, head tilting at the question.

“Because, then I won't be able to stop myself anymore.” your eyes settle on his lips, which were slightly parted.

“Stop yourself—from what?” he asked with a pensive expression, his body being hyper-aware of everything. The scent of your perfume took over his mind, a damn smile curling up his lips as if he had figured out what your answer was.

“From—” you averted your eyes, his finger under your chin making you look into his eyes again, closer than before, the tip of your noses almost brushing.

“From?” he urged softly.

“From kissing you,” you admitted with equal gentleness, cheeks on fire while you waited for him to speak something, anxiety bubbling up in your stomach.

“You don't have to stop.” he spoke after a second of silence.

“What—” your question is answered by his lips being pressed against yours in a feather-light kiss.

You had never been kissed like this before, soft, tender and full of what you'd call ‘love’, his big hand cupping your cheek, caressing it with the pad of his thumb, tilting his head to kiss you deeper, while you held on to his shoulder, pulling him impossibly closer to you.

Your foreheads touch when you finally break apart from your kiss, your eyes boring into his, “So when you talked about liking another guy yesterday—”

“—that was you.” you confirmed, and his smile grew wider, a soft laugh escaping him before he pulled you into his embrace and yet another kiss.

“Fuck, I've wanted you for so long,” he confessed, giggling at your widened eyes.

“How long?” you genuinely asked.

“Ever since you called me Bambi when I was four,” he admitted sheepishly.

“Did you ever think about me being older than you then?” you snuggled deeper into his hold, asking him the question that had bothering you from long.

“It doesn't matter, it never mattered. I just want you, y/n. I tried to get over you when you got a boyfriend but I couldn't, I didn't want to.”

And that's when you knew you wanted him for life.

“I'm sorry you had to wait for so long, baby.”

“You're worth the wait,” he smiled and hid your face in his neck.

He grunts in surprise, feeling your soft brush against his neck, your name leaving his mouth in a manner which sent a shiver down your spine. “Fuck, sorry,” you panicked, not wanting him to feel uncomfortable around you.

“No, oh god no, I want you, y/n.” he spoke, placing a kiss on your temple, “I just, am trying to refrain myself from doing something cause you just came out of a relationship.”

“Hee, you don't have to stop, I'm yours.”

“Yeah? All mine?”

“All yours, baby.” you giggled, shifting to get comfortable as you two lie down, exchanging kisses with giggles and soft smiles.

“This feels like a dream,” he breathed out.

“Does that mean you see me in your dreams often?” you teased.

He huffed, “Of course I do!”

You tilted your head with curiosity, “Oh? What do you dream about?”

He pulled you flesh against his chest, whispering in your ear, “Making love to you.”

With one smile, he ran away with you chasing him, flustered with the sudden revelation. He pinned you against the wall as soon as you entered your bedroom.

“Hey,” he smiled.

“Hey,” you bit your lower lip.

His arm winded around your waist tighter as he softly helped you lie down on your bed, kissing the shell of your ear, “Let me make love to you, noona.”

Oh, you were fucked.

How could you say no to him, especially when he requests for it ever so softy, doe eyes staring into your own eyes, searching for any hint of discomfort or hesitance.

You blink out of your reverie, whispering out a soft yes, gasping when he places the softest kisses on your clavicle, fingers intertwined with yours as he whispers your name, “Tell me if it gets too much for you,” he whispered in the expanse of your skin.

The gentle kisses down your throat to your chest do nothing to stop soft sighs from leaving your mouth. “So pretty,” he had called you pretty a lot of times, but it never once felt like this.

He made you feel pretty.

Each touch felt like a sensation of appreciation towards your body, each kiss delivering unsaid confessions out loud.

His name rolled off your tongue effortlessly, tightening your hold on his fingers, never wanting to let go of him. He gently tugged at the corner of your t-shirt, glancing at you, asking wordlessly and you nod as he helped you up slightly to remove the piece of clothing. He gulped, seeing you bare in front of him, you helpfully removing your bra for him.

“I could stare at you the whole day.”

He worshipped every inch of you, caressing your waist as he started sucking on your tits, back arching with ecstasy, “you sound so pretty, noona,” he rubs his nose against yours, your heartbeat rising as he rubbed your thighs in a gentle caress, squeezing it right after.

You whine, tugging on his t-shirt, and he immediately got rid of it as you pulled him in, lips on his neck while he continued to touch every inch of you.

“Please, Hee—” you whispered, fingers holding on to his nape as you felt wetness pooling in your panties.

He didn't wait for a second to undress you fully, him doing the same as he followed your gaze, your eyes fixated on his torso, wanting to kiss him all over. You rubbed your hands on his faint abs, his hard-on pressing on your inner thighs, “Wanna taste you,” he whispered and you closed your eyes, overwhelmed when his lips touched your wet core, licking your slit while the tip of his nose brushed against your clit, making you squirm around.

He hummed at the taste of you, head spiralling at the sight of you being so vulnerable in front of him, heart full at the sight of your trust in him, he only licked more, pecking your inner thighs and inserting a finger to prep you for him.

“Such sweet noises. You're doing so good, baby.”

His words calmed you, your eyes never leaving his as he looked at you, lips coated with your juices.

“Can't wait more,” you gasped out his name.

“Fuck, I won't last long if you keep calling my name like that,” he got up, and you whined at the loss of contact.

You told him where you kept the condom, him hurriedly getting one and putting it on as you watched the boy fondly despite the heated feeling you had down your core.

He pumped his cock a few times before, he positioned himself in front of you, tip prodding your entrance, coming in contact with your wetness.

“Tell me you want it.” his forehead rested against yours.

“Want you, so much.”

He pulled you in a deep kiss, pushing himself inside, groaning into your mouth at the feeling of your warm walls wrapping around him so well.

You squirm with the stretch, toes curled with how thick he was, adjusting to his size as you wrapped your legs around his torso, asking him to continue.

His thrusts were languid and deep, successful in eliciting breathy moans out of you, swearing that it was the prettiest sound he had ever heard.

“So perfect,” you spoke, nibbling on his lower lip.

The feeling was intimate and something along the lines of what you'd consider as perfect. Soft giggles leaving your mouth as you got lost in the essence of each other, faint touches everywhere, lips red and slightly swollen with your kissing sessions, heart full and warm.

He made you weak in the knees.

His hair bounced as he continued to thrust into you, sloppier than before as he felt his orgasm building up, he knew you were close with how your legs shook slightly, his soft pad of thumb rubbing circles on your clit.

“Hee, I'm close,” you sighed and he kissed your cheek.

“I know, baby. You did so well, cum for me now.” he urged gently, pressing his lips to take in all your moans as you reached your state of euphoria, him twitching a couple of times before he filled up the condom too, embracing you as he stayed inside for a while. Both of you breathing deeply, holding on to each other.

“I love you.”

You opened your eyes, only to see him smiling at you, staring at you with nothing but adoration.

Instead of answering, you asked him a question.

“What did you wish for on the shooting star?” your voice was low.

“You.” his cheeks were red, and you smiled.

You had never been so sure of anything else in life and you had to voice it out. His eyes tearing up at your confession when you said—

“I'm in love with you, Heeseung.”

And you knew you would love him for the entirety of your life.

THANK YOU FOR READING!

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PERMANENT TAGLIST OPEN!

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[slocumjoe]

What about NSFW facts? About every companion?

He's being very popular lately so I'm eager to know something about Gage.

Actually, I posted a while ago that I wanted to do more risqué stuff. I got, like, 6 different people screaming DO IT DO IT DO IT, and now I have you, and a handful of other people going 👀 where is it👀 wheres the nsfw👀 you said you would 👀

Lol. Enjoy your Gage content.

Warning; you can probably pinpoint which companion i...think about more...

Cait; Mostly a top, will power bottom however. Her partner is in danger while going down on her. Those legs are weapons. You're very brave. Will find lingerie for her partner regardless of gender. Tits are tits and she found a cute bra for yours. Give her a strap on and she'll put a baby in you through sheer will. Has a kink for, oddly enough, knight/princess shit. She likes the idea of a chivalrous knight (her) saving a beautiful, dainty princess (Sole, regardless of gender) from a dragon (deathclaw) and taking them to a marriage bed (fucking on a bench out of nerves and triumph).

Curie; Curves for days. Girl is stacked. You need a snorkel to faceplant in her tits. Finds medical roleplay deplorable, but...she likes a uniform...and there is something sexy about handcuffs...Most likely to wear lingerie behind [REDACTED]. She's great with her hands but doesn't understand that a prostate is a delicate organ and needs to be used sparingly. Forget stars, you're gonna see alien civilizations. If she learns what a titjob is, RIP. Down for anal.

Danse; Submissive, service top, pillow princess bottom. Moans like a pornstar. Extremely sensitive chest. If you boss him around as soon as you'll praise him, he's not going to last long. Really into being tied up. Most likely to cry during sex. He's touchstarved, he's lonely, and he's eager to please. Blushes at the slightest mention of sex or kink. Still nods and goes along with whatever you want. Overstimulation and edging kink. Not into roleplay, but especially can't get into roleplay that involves inappropriate workplace relationships or otherwise dubious consent. If a cop/doctor/knight ever did that, they should have been fired. That's completely unacceptable, there's no way that could be– [muffled sounds of Sole kissing him to shut him up]

Deacon; Most likely to wear lingerie. Does it as a joke until he realizes Sole is actually into it, unironically. Does some crazy things with his tongue, could tie together a whole ass fishing net. Really sensitive thighs. Fav position is anything partially standing. Not quite wall-sex, like...kind of half-over a desk, or leaning against a counter. Not into spontaneous sex, likes to plan ahead. I've said before, big on roleplay, and he needs to have a script ready. Open to all kinks except 69ing, not even for the bit. Gets nervous about the idea of both of them being in anyway gagged, or otherwise silenced. Also...he's a biter....so maybe not the safest...

Gage; Moan in his ear and you can forget walking for a week. Very...auditorially motivated. Is that a word? It is now. Has a thing for chubbier people. Raiders are lanky, walking skeletons or roided up meatloafs. There's no softness to them. So some flab, anywhere on the body? You can bet he's gonna sneak some feels whenever he can. Gage is a thigh guy. Usually pretty dominant, prefers having control, but like...if you push, he's folding. What, he's gonna argue, say no, you can't ride me into the sunset? Will never admit, but if, for whatever reason, his partner laughs during sex, he's fucking smitten. It just...does something to him.

Hancock; Give him oral and he'll melt. Eats ass/pussy like a man starved. The skin feels really weird. Knifeplay kink, blood kink, really into 'dangerous' roleplaying. Public sex is also a yes. Swears up and down he used to have an ass. He did not. Swears up and down the ghoulification made his dick bigger. It did not, was already that size. Has a thing for deep voices. Carries so many condoms on his person because he doesn't want to irradiate any partners. Has a soft spot for sitting positions. Has a hard spot for BDSM. Said it before, but way too into dirty talk. It...gets weird...

MacCready; Ultimate jack-off material is a fantasy of riding the Silver Shroud, back to chest, while the Mistress of Mystery rides him. But he did have a pretty intense crush on KL-E-O for a while...mostly because it had been a while, and she's outwardly flirty...had nothing to do with the build of Assaultatrons. Totally. Nope. Not even a little. Gravitates towards shorter women and taller men. Also has a thing for dark hair and eyes, less attracted to other blondes and other blue-eyed people. Noisy as shit, will bite his lip bloody to keep from cussing. Doggy style is his favorite position but good luck getting him to admit that.

Nick; Again, needs gloves. Dickless, his only option is hands. Lacks a tongue. At least, a...pleasurable one. Begins viewing nice gloves as a kind of lingerie, since they're more visually appealing to his rubber glove and oven mitt. Sex with Nick is a challenge. Also auditorially motivated. He doesn't have anything else. Used to like oral and—bizarrely—pet play. Used to have a sensitive belly and neck. Now, Nick has some wires that give him an interesting jolt when tugged on. Recommended only for the robotically inclined...then again, you wouldn't be here if you weren't, huh?

Piper; Is a loud and proud tit woman and isn't afraid to say it. Will snap necks getting too into face-sitting. Really enjoys having the reigns, actually. Her hips move on their own accord, you may as well sit back and let her body do as it pleases. Ultimate sexy fantasy is...something she's really embarrassed about. The idea of hooking up with a best friend who's already taken, but by a shitty partner, really appeals to her. Will never admit this, God forbid act on it. Semi-public, we-could-get-caught sex is also thrilling. Also a biter and scratcher.

Preston; Weak for shoulders and collarbone. Also, prominent veins. Had a hoe phase when he first joined the Minutemen. Everyone who would know is dead now. Isnt sure he prefers it that way. Likes his partners face-down. A lot more bossy than you'd expect. Pretty vanilla, but shower sex is such a turn on, you'd think it was some deep, dark fetish. Can keep you up for hours without losing stamina. He takes his time with his partners, really explores them and what they like. People who go to bed with always want a second encounter, then a third, a fourth, so on. Shame most of them are dead. Could probably take over Goodneighbor with one 'night on the town.'

X6-88; Throwing my Ace headcanon aside for now. A sexually interested X6-88 is a wildcard. Considers the act a test of physical capabilities. He's a courser. He loves his physical capabilities being tested. Every single time is...more than the last. He wants to get a better grade, something that is normal to want and possible to achieve. First time is standard, the 50th, God knows where you'll be. You might be fulfilling the fetish fantasy of a pre-war basement dweller whose computer X6 read through one time. The activity he most enjoyed took 6 hours of edging and every comic book Sole had collected up to that point. Fun fact; Sole can't read with something inside them. X6 finds this strange—he's had knives and bullets inside him, and he could read just fine. Maybe it's a courser thing.

He's curious, not kinky. That might be worse than kinky.

[oletus-writer]

Different anon from the nightmare one but maybe we can get nsfw alphabet for Orpheus? He’s probably into some experimentations, both kink wise and the whole drugs/whatever thing

(We?) Hell yeah I’ll do that.

Orpheus NSFW Alphabet

Warnings: nsfw

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Sex with Orpheus is not exactly the most rowdy, so he’s got more than enough energy to draw you a bath, clean you up, get some food, and smother you with cuddles. He’s a gentleman, after all, and wants to make sure you’re doing well regardless of whether or not he’s giving or receiving cock.

B = Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

His hands are his favourite part of him, as he writes with them, but also because how he can pleasure you in such ways only using such small tools. As for you, he enjoys your eyes, the windows to the soul, and how the pupils are blown wide while he fucks you. Simply, the information available to him from two organs draws him in.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He’s got a decent amount of cum, thin and salty, and he prefers to cum either inside you (with your consent) or on your face and chest.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He wants to indulge in some roleplay, of the less nice variety, as he enjoys having power over an individual, sometimes. But he’s a gentleman, of course, and will discuss with you thoroughly beforehand what it entails.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

He’s read some erotica, for research, and has hooked up with many women before. As for men, he’s a bit less experienced, but is a quick and eager learner.

F = Favourite position (this goes without saying)

Missionary’s a classic, and Orpheus is a bit old-fashioned when it comes to courtship. He enjoys seeing your expressions and pressing you underneath him.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Oh, he’s rather serious, but will crack a joke or two if he sees that you’re nervous. His jokes aren’t too funny, per se, but it’s the thought that counts.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes?)

He’s a gentleman, and a dapper one at that (or so he tells you) so naturally, he’s well-groomed, his thick wavy hair neatly trimmed. He doesn’t mind if you have hair, but would rather it be smooth, although he never tells you that.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? are they romantic?)

Despite some of the rough play, he’s very intimate in the moment and is more of a soft dom, than anything. He’ll kiss down your sternum while pounding you, whisper how good you’re doing while his hands worship.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcannon)

He doesn’t masturbate often, but does it to relieve some stress, when writing about it does not work.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He’s into things like aphrodisiacs, drugged sex (consensual, of course), sleep sex, all things that release your inhibitions and gives him a look at your raw state.

L = Location (favourite places to have sex)

The gentleman side of him prefers the bedroom, but he can’t deny the thrill of the thought of being caught, cocksitting in his office while he’s supposed to be writing, letting loose after a book signing, just in the back of the bookstore… he’s not opposed to any of it.

M = Motivation (what turns them on?)

Of course, old fashion flirting never goes wrong, and the classic touches to his waist, an breath in his ear, will get him hot and bothered. Still, if you go the extra mile and dress up for him a bit, you’ll find he’s a bit more enthusiastic than before.

N = No (what turns them off?)

He’s open to anything, really, except some stuff like scat, fetishes such as anthropophagolagnia (don’t search it up) and all such other strange and deranged things.

O = Oral (do they prefer giving or receiving? how skilled are they?)

Fuck yeah, oral. Orpheus loves oral sex, and is extremely talented at it. He’s not too picky on whether or not he’s giving or receiving, but he prefers receiving.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual?)

He usually sets a pretty slow pace, but can go fast if you’d like. He has no qualms about being rough and manhandling you, if you’ll let him.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies)

Why not? Unlike some other people, quickies with him don’t become full-blown sessions, and it’s more often than not that Orpheus would go hard and heavy.

R = Risk (are they experimental? do they take risks?)

The more risks, the more fun, although a small part of him tells him not to. He’s very experimental as well, but knows his limits.

S = Stamina (how long do they last?)

His stamina is a bit on the low side, as he constantly spends his days sitting at a desk and writing if he’s not in any matches,

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them?)

He’s got a few toys, such as vibrators, dildos, and some bondage equipment, but that’s about it. He doesn’t use them often on himself, and keeps them for his potential lovers.

U = Unfair (how much do they like to tease?)

He’s rather teasing, and enjoys it - when you tease him, less so, but the look on your face is all worth it. He’s not as patient to tease you the entire day as foreplay, but he manages to make you beg for him.

V = Volume (how loud are they?)

He moans a lot, but they’re soft and light, almost feminine, but he’s also quite vocal, describing everything he’s going to do to you.

W = Wild card (a random headcannon for the character)

He’s a writer, and, while not to stereotype, he has written erotica of the two of you before you started having sex. He’s explored his wildest fantasies through that medium, and he’s got his preferences sorted.

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

I’m sorry, those of you who think he has a big dick, but I don’t. You know, the louder the car the smaller the penis, and all. The showiness of it all - the fact he’s dressed in the latest fashions and is frankly a prick - all drives me to the conclusion of a 4.7 inch (12 cm) penis.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

It’s relatively average, if not a bit lower, as he is absorbed in his work too often to think of having sex.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

If the sex is rather rough, he falls asleep rather quickly, but more often than not, it’s more calmer, and he’s able to tend to you properly afterwards.

[masterofengene]

Hii~ i saw that you accept requests :) may i request Enhypen reaction to their SO having ADHD.

Thank you ✨

Enhypen's reaction to their s/o having ADHD.

Warnings: ADHD. Mood swings.

Authors note: I love writing enhypen with significant others that struggle with adhd and insomnia, anxiety and things like that. So I love these kind of requests.

Heeseung

He is so unbothered. Yes he noticed. No he does not call you out, just accepts it and moves on.

He's so patient with you.

If you're still in school and he notices that you keep pushing away a subject or an assignment until the very last minute. He will sit with you and make it engaging for you. Keep you company because he knows he helps.

In fact, he adores that when you tell a story, there's like 20 different novels included before you eventually go back to what you were originally saying.

He reassures you in whatever way he can

If he notices you going Into overdrive he's going to help you, make it easier for you to get grounded again.

After you started dating he got used to you constantly fidgeting, more than not he just watches you with a smile.

Jay

Okay so he has a conversation with you about it.

What can be overwhelming for you. Your triggers. How he can help when your adhd just goes off the wall.

Makes mental notes.

He knows you've had a bad day when your emotions are everywhere. Not in a bad way either. He just knows you must be drained.

He will ask what triggered in, in the most gentle way possible.

But the first time he watched you hyperfocus on the marvel movies.

He couldn't help but smile fondly as you rambled on about Iron man lore. Half of it didn't make sense, but he was sure you would fix any of his confusion before you finish your tangent.

Jake

Trust he will keep up with you. Or try to, at least.

Honestly he didn't notice until one day you guys were in a crowded place and you just... shut down.

It was like you were in auto pilot. It made him think that you had gotten hurt or something.

But he didn't push you instead he just took you to someplace quiet and waited for you to come back before asking you.

He's used to jungwon and sunoo so your random noises just pass through one ear to the next.

Background noise to him.

But when he hears them he smiles, even if he doesn't realize what he is doing.

When it's just you two. He does not try to keep you focused on one thing (unless you want to) He is just along for the ride.

Sunghoon

I'm not gonna lie. Manz has a hard time keeping up with you.

He loves you. He loves you so much.

But he has a hard time keeping up with your train of thought, mainly because it's always going in 12 different directions.

So he always looks a bit confused at the sudden topic changes but don't worry. He's smiling the whole time.

Tries to make sure you don't get overwhelmed.

Really doesn't want you with him at the airport because he knows that the crowd of Engene would trigger you

He's trying his hardest.

Sunoo

Trust he's gonna be able to keep up with your train of thought.

Or at least semi follow it.

Because he knows /you/

You guys were friends long before you started dating so he doesn't really see your adhd per say, just things about you.

It's your personality.

You never really told him and you didn't have to.

He would always be there to help you before you could even say what's wrong.

Forgot where you put your keys? They are already in his hand. Can't remember where your phone is? He's calling it for you. You don't feel like doing a project? He's gonna do it with you.

Jungwon

He's going with it pt.1

Literally nothing could phase him. He's always surrounded by the other members and they are all just as hyper as you, the only thing that's different Is that your hyper can get distracted.

Leaves random things around your apartment to help you keep your train of thought when he's not there.

Helps you finish tasks that you don't really have the motivation to do.

Small notes here and there. Reminders.

Reminders about anything and everything. He puts them where he knows you'll see them.

Niki

He can keep up with you pt 2.

He pays attention to you, he knows what makes you tick and what triggers you.

Before you could even process you're in a triggering situation, he's pulling you away.

If your mood swings are bad, don't worry. They won't phase him. And if somthing bothers him he will have that conversation with you.

Communication.

Reminds you to take your medicine. (If you take any)

Could listen to your hyperfixation rants all day.

[stillness-in-green]

Chapter Thoughts: 370 — HIStory

Sorry for how late this one is, all. Between Spinaraki Week, Life In General, and having, holy crap, SO MUCH I want to talk about this chapter, I'm running a bit behind. I may come back to try to finish out some fills for the rest of Spinaraki Week eventually, but I wrote all my really burning ideas at the start, so my desire to get back to my reams of meta was much more pressing. I'll try to hit the ask backlog before the next big post! (As you might be able to guess, I'm going to have a lot to say about Chapter 371, too.)

That said, hey, guys, guess who’s in hella Talking Point instead of Bullet Point Mode this chapter; that’s right, it’s me.  WHAT a chapter.  I’ll work my way through it in a broadly chronological fashion; the big stuff starts in the third section.

Kurogiri At the Hospital:

The narration calls Kurogiri “the closest thing to a masterpiece out of all the High Ends,” and I wonder just whose value judgment that is?  After all, Kurogiri was completed years ago and Ujiko clearly isn’t the type to rest on his laurels.  He’s never called Kurogiri his masterpiece; indeed, he explicitly says Hood-chan and the other High Ends are his finest work to date.  So who else would talk about Kurogiri like that?

The narration tends to default to Deku, but it’s a weird statement to give to anyone other than AFO or Ujiko.  What exactly makes Kurogiri the nearest thing to a masterpiece in the narrator’s opinion, anyway?  His capacity for independent action is the only thing he really has up on his competition, and his independent action has been shut down since Aizawa and Mic pulled out the might-as-well-call-it-a-vestige of Shirakumo Oboro.

That’s a long-winded way of saying that if the story’s going to call Kurogiri the most advanced High End, the only thing Kurogiri can be said to be the best at is his ability to mimic a human being, so we’d damn well better see him getting another chance to do that as Kurogiri, not as the remnant of Shirakumo.

While we’re talking about Kurogiri, I do have to ask who tipped off AFO about his location and when.  Per Chapter 325, if you’ll recall, it was supposed to be a secret.(1)  Of course, AFO has ever so many conveniently placed friends who can do anything the plot needs them to do, but I can’t help but think that if he found out where Kurogiri was prior to this clash, he’d probably have done better to, I dunno, send in Toga or something, especially if he could have had her rendezvous with someone on the inside.

(Note that if we get AFO’s inside man next week, it will make for a nice parallel to Endeavor and company being greeted by their plant inside Jakku General Hospital in 259.  Since a certain 1-A student wants to bring up hospital raids and all.)

As to Present Mic thinking of Kurogiri solely as Shirakumo, I can only continue to hope that this stubborn refusal to acknowledge even the possibility that Kurogiri might in some way be a meaningful existence will be back to properly bite him and Aizawa in the ass.  The heroes have a consistent pattern of refusing to acknowledge the humanity in villains—their trauma, their motivations, their close relationships—beyond whatever little personal tidbit they trip over that they can’t look beyond.  I would very much love it if, with Kurogiri, we get a direct consequence of that via Kurogiri choosing the boy he basically raised for a decade+ over the school friends the person he was constructed from knew for like a year and a half.

In and About The Crowd:

First things first, I want to mention that I got a few asks about racism in response to the leaks for this chapter—one about the way the fandom talks about this plotline and one about how the story itself is handling it.  I do want to answer those, as I definitely have thoughts on both fronts (especially considering the content of Chapter 371), but I also want to do some research first.

If I haven’t said as much before, I’m white myself, so when I talk about these topics, I always want to make sure I’m doing so carefully and respectfully.  In the case of Rock Lock's role this week, that’s going to take me some time.  Be expecting an ask round-up about fandom shorthand, the iconography of the CRC, the heteromorphs shouting ignorance at Rock Lock, and anything else I get on that topic in the interim, sometime in early-ish November.

That said, this certainly is a crowd with some…accessories, isn’t it?  CRC heads on pikes!  Or possibly just masks, though if that’s the case, they’ve stuffed something else in there that fills the cowls out more than just the bare pole. 

If it is just the masks, though, it’s in line with something the mob does three times in this chapter: unmasking.  They pull Koda’s mask and mouthguard off, tear the helmet off one of the police officers, and, of course, my favorite pint-sized firebrand consciously chooses to unmask himself.  The count goes up yet again if you include Shouji’s mask being torn apart, though in his case, it’s just the rigors of battle, not anyone specifically removing it.

(The above is another post I might write eventually on the extremely consistent pattern of heroes only being unmasked against their will, while villains—usually—choose when and under what circumstances to unmask themselves, and how that ties to the overarching themes of heroes staunchly resisting any sign of weakness while villains are more open to showing vulnerability, be it for the strategic value of doing so or out of a genuine desire to connect. Keep an eye out!)

On top of the crowd’s growing mask collection, they also have Spinner flags!  You love to see it.  Or you would, if Spinner weren’t in such dire straits right now.  I’d still buy one, though.

As to the actual characters present, it’s nice to see some familiar faces with the Spinner fanboys and the USJ guy, who’s particularly notable here for being the very first person in the series to use the term heteromorph.  He self-identified with it, exhibiting—at least on the surface—none of the distaste Spinner would later express for the word.

I’d love to know what the percentage breakdown is on this crowd’s membership.  We have dissatisfied civilians, PLF remnants and, as evinced by the USJ guy, also some prison escapees, for the completely wild total of 15,000 people.  While my primary response to that is, “I don’t think Horikoshi understands numbers very well,” taking it at face value, no matter how you cut the numbers, it is a bad look for the heroes.

I suppose we can assume there aren’t too many prison escapees here, since the narration didn’t even see fit to mention them as a factor, so that leaves mainly PLF and civilians.  So is what we have here mostly civilians—nearly fifteen thousand people willing to take their lives and their futures into their hands for this cause?  Or do we instead have many thousands of escaped PLF members, quite contrary to the pathetic number we were told were in the wind after the war arc?(2)  Or is it about half and half?

There’s no good answer!  It’s Real Bad no matter what!

That all said, we all know who I’m really here for, right?  Let’s talk about the returning PLFers.  (Alert: Incoming non-canonical advisor names.)

It’s long been eyebrow-raising to me that Spinner’s Number 2 advisor (hereafter called Scarecrow) does all the talking, while his Number 1 advisor (hereafter Nimble) never says a single word.  While I appreciate that it’s yet to joss my headcanon that she actually can’t talk because she doesn’t have a mouth, I would really like it if we could get some demonstration as to why she outranks her extremely verbal subordinate.

We saw her exactly once in this chapter, on the second page, advancing through the crowd just ahead of Spinner.  If she’s managed to keep up with him, this would seem to suggest that Shouji ought to be getting up close and personal with her next week, especially if the pattern of MLA types getting very angry when people attack their leaders holds (and it seems to be doing so; more on that below).  I’d be really quite happy to watch her and Scarecrow tag team this, with her taking on Shouji physically while Scarecrow fights him for the crowd’s morale.

(Edit in light of Chapter 371: *pause for bitter laughter*  Well, maybe she can be sneaking into the hospital instead.)

As to Scarecrow, while I didn’t get everything right, I’m thrilled that I did call him correctly as an insect heteromorph!  I initially thought that his hands and fingers looked the way they did because they were prosthetic replacements for missing limbs; now I think it’s just that they’re segmented in an insectile fashion.  Here, they look more consistent with the way his shoulder-mounted bug legs are drawn than they did at first,(3) and, with the clarity of the official scans, you can see that his knees and possibly his ankles are also segmented.

I love his row of mandibles, I love his head stripes (and wonder what color the anime will make them, since his coloring as of Season 6 Episode 2 is a very uninteresting light gray), and I have definitely noticed the prominent scar.

But enough about how Scarecrow looks.  Far more interesting are all the things he says.

Scarecrow’s Speech | Historical and Modern Discrimination:

Everyone and their mother has talked about the Star Wars references, and I don’t have enough Star Wars knowledge to say anything new or compelling there, save to note that the implications are incredibly grim.

Much more interesting to me is the variety of phrases that crop up this week in regard to heteromorphic discrimination.  The first of those was the phrase the Viz translation renders as “those who don’t fit the mold”—the same phrasing Re-Destro used when he was talking to Giran back in Deika about how societal mores lag behind the new reality of the world.  I immediately wanted to know if the wording was the same in Japanese as well, as that would be a good tell about how consistent the MLA messaging is.

Having checked the raws, as it turns out, the wording is completely different!  I can’t be mad, though, because the language Scarecrow’s using is exactly in line with a phrase I’ve been using in my (ongoing) evidence-gathering about heteromorphobia, and I love it when I’m right about things.

So, the phrase Scarecrow uses there is kotonaru katachi, katachi meaning form or shape, kotonaru meaning to differ/vary/disagree.  Thus, being more accurate to Scarecrow’s use of punctuation: “The history of the Paranormal is that of oppression of ‘differing forms.’”

This is important because one of the big gotchas a lot of people try to use to discredit this whole plotline is the protestation that people like Hawks and Jirou and Iida are all technically heteromorphs, and they aren’t being discriminated against, so clearly heteromorphobia is totally bogus.  If you look back through the series with Scarecrow’s phrasing in mind, however, the pattern becomes much clearer.  It isn’t about quirk types; it’s about body types.  There’s overlap between the two categories, the same way there’s overlap between heteromorphic quirks and “villain quirks”, but they’re distinct categories nonetheless.

Interestingly, if you look at the kanji—異なる形—the phrase is very close to the kanji used for “heteromorph”: 異形, igyou.  Literally all the phrase does is tack in some verb conjugation and use different readings of the kanji, and suddenly the whole tenor changes!

Speaking of igyou, though, for a chapter that’s all about anti-igyou discrimination, the term hardly crops up at all this week—even in the narration!  It calls the civilians there, “ordinary citizens who sympathize with [the PLF’s] cause.”  Scarecrow, as discussed above, uses “differing forms.”  There’s also a lot of “our kind” in the Viz release that’s implicit rather than explicit in the Japanese text (e.g. the old man who snarls at Koda calls him merely a traitor, not “traitor to your kind.”  But “heteromorph”?  It’s used exactly once: by one of the people throwing rocks at Shouji in his chapter-opening flashback.

Yikes.

The flashback people use much worse language than that, though, language the Viz translation particularly gets at it when it uses the word “defiled.”  As that word choice implies, the vitriol being hurled at Shouji in that scene is specifically telling of religious belief.  The two terms to consider are kegare (汚れ) and imi (忌み), both more tied up with Shinto practice than Buddhist.

Imi was translated simply as “dirty” in the line about “dirty blood.”  Online dictionaries give translations such as mourning, abstinence, or even holiness or religious purification, but the throughline—and another offered translation—is simply “taboo.”  Imi isn't necessarily a bad thing,(4) but it is that which is to be shunned and denied, especially in the context of religious rituals. It is clearly intended as a negative thing here, though!

Even more charged is kegare, a concept of spiritual uncleanliness that is thought to further be spiritually contagious, the sort of thing that can spread if not purified and/or contained.  Crucially, kegare is not nominally about moral failing necessarily; it’s not quite the same thing as sin.(5)  Kegare is a natural state that one picks up via exposure to things like death, disease, and waste, but also childbirth, menstruation, and so on.  Obviously, those are things that everyone is going to encounter eventually; the solution is appropriate acts of purification and boundary-setting.

…Except that’s just the party line on kegare.  People who have enough sustained exposure to sources of kegare—butchers, tanners, executioners, morticians—came to be considered incapable of purification, and so were classed prior to the pre-Meiji period as something very like an untouchable caste,(6) eventually coming to be called burakumin, and subject to severe discrimination in housing, marriage, and employment, as well as more generalized oppression that endures even today to those of burakumin lineage.

Shouji’s story here feels very akin to that.  The people hounding him are not doing so because of any exposure he’s had to a source of kegare, but because he himself is said source!  If he personally is the source of the corruption—corruption that will spread to his entire village, spiritually polluting other people and even the land itself—that is not something that can be purified.  Rather, the only thing to be done is A) drive him away or B) force him to never leave his house.

More on this next chapter, where we get even more awful details.

The last bit of descriptive terminology I want to touch on is ”human-faced people.”  I’ll talk about it more in the ask round-up, but I’d really love to know where the phrase came from, in-universe.  The heteromorphs are human, too!  Therefore their faces must de facto be considered human faces!  But that Spinner fanboy sure is yelling it with enough vitriol to suggest that he doesn’t agree, and I wonder how many times he had to be told that himself to internalize it in such a raw way.

Terminology aside, what else can be gathered from Scarecrow's speech?  Well, one thing that stands out is the conflation of the history of quirks with the history of heteromorphic discrimination.  And he's obviously over-simplifying—there are emitters in some of those early images of meta-abilities, and there are cases where it can be difficult to tell transformers and heteromorphs apart when a transformer's quirk is active, so they'd have been targets as well.  Still, whether Scarecrow is omitting that because he's priming this specific crowd to be angry or because he truly believes it himself, the words are not entirely without basis.

I can't remember if I've talked about this before here, but something that's always been very striking to me about the timeline of quirk acceptance and historical villainy is the suggestion that the original Meta Liberation Army and the Creature Rejection Clan are contemporaries.  Both groups are dated to the period in which society was beginning to stabilize after the chaos of the advent of quirks. 

So, while Destro and his cohort were getting angry about laws that would restrict the outside-the-home use of natural-born abilities to only those with a license, the CRC were getting angry about laws that would tacitly admit the equal humanity of people the CRC considered to be much less than human.  They started with protests, but soon moved into hate crimes, and in that, we get to something else that's very notable about the group: they were never banned.

The volume extra note on them says that, because people disapproved of their turn to violence, they lost popularity and splintered off into factions.  But this is a group that was and is committing hate crimes, that bases their whole identity around that hatred.  Why in heaven's name weren't they targeted legally?

Well, firstly, because while Japan has ways to limit the freedoms and financial prospects of certain groups (primarily organized crime and terrorist groups), it doesn't actually criminalize membership in such organizations.(7)  Still, there's no indication that even the controls the government can enact were ever utilized against the CRC—again, the thing that led to their diminished influence is simply that people at large thought they were going too far.

This, I think, is down to the other issue: Japan has basically no interest in anti-hate crime legislation.  From my research, there is exactly one federal law about hate crimes, one activists regard as woefully insufficient because it contained absolutely zero criminal provisions targeting offenders; the only things it actually required at the time of its ratification were that the government "begin implementing preventative measures"—things like community education or banning displays of hate speech/writing in public areas—as well as respond to "requests for consultation" from victims.  Consequences for offenders?  Absolutely none.

There have been one or two prefectures that have gone one small step farther in the institution of fines for repeat offenders, but one crucial thing that's nowhere to be found is one of the most basic features in hate crime legislation: the enactment of stricter sentencing guidelines for crimes proven to be committed due to demographic bias.

Finally, if those laws have remained unchanged in HeroAca Land Japan, none of them would protect heteromorphs anyway, because they're only aimed at discrimination against those of non-Japanese ethnicities!  Which plainly doesn't apply to ethnically Japanese heteromorphs!  Here again, we can connect heteromorphs to burakumin, who have only been granted legal equality (way back in the Meiji Era, when the laws declaring them a separate caste were repealed), but no greater legal protection.

Small wonder this crowd is so big.

Moving on, Nedzu's presence in that image of accepted-and-well-off heteromorphs is really fascinating—Nedzu is really fascinating.  Like, we know he has a nasty history with humans, and he certainly doesn't consider himself to be one of them, as we see when he talks about the various failings of humanity as a species.  But there he is, being considered a successful and integrated heteromorph.

And sure, by the base considerations that go into determining quirk type, he is a heteromorph: his body is permanently altered from the baseline state of his species(?) by his quirk.  But I wonder how much oversight he's subject to, what his citizenship (if he even has it) was contingent on, and stuff like that.  Nedzu feels very much like someone whose acceptance could be revoked at any time it became inconvenient, so he's worked hard to make himself as indispensable as he can.  And, in fact, he's done such a good job of it that he can even push back against government officials sometimes!

As the heteromorph giantess demonstrates, however, no matter how stable such positions seem, there's always a level of chaos that can destabilize them.  (More on her next time.)

As a final note on the content of Scarecrow's speech, I will point out that we can see just a smidge of his MLA origins here.  He doesn't ask for justice or reparations; what he says Spinner and this movement will do is lead heteromorphs to "prominence in society."  It's not enough that they be equal; they have to be, if you will, the new main characters.

That aaaaall said, let's turn to Shouji's response.

Shouji’s Response: 

It’s a mess.  The whole scene is, but since I’m running behind, I’ll save the full breakdown on why for next time, as 371 will round out Shouji’s response somewhat more than just the little we get here.  Focusing just on that little opening, then, let’s break down—as a lot of people already have—the fallacies involved here.  Because there are a ton of them in only the one penultimate page, holy shit.

“What’s any of that got to do with attacking a hospital?”

Shouji, please.  Spinner said it right before you hit him with a x8 punch multiplier: they’re here for Kurogiri, without whom they won’t win this, and society won’t change.  It’s the exact same reason the heroes raided a hospital at the start of the last arc; they believed that securing the creator of the Noumu was an essential part of guaranteeing their victory.

The villains are not just attacking a hospital for kicks; they are doing it to secure a valuable strategic asset.  And it’s not as if this hospital is completely defenseless, so the heroes can’t claim ignorance of this outcome!  They saw an attack coming because an attack was easy to predict, and they chose to leave Kurogiri here anyway, rather than—at least temporarily—moving him back to more secure holding.

That doesn’t magically make the people who masterminded this attack blameless, of course, but the heroes do have to take some of the responsibility here for the same reason UA had to take responsibility for Bakugou’s kidnapping(8) and police had to do the same for the League’s highway attack on the convoy transporting Overhaul.

Bakugou’s safety was UA’s responsibility just as much as a prisoner’s safekeeping is the responsibility of the state once they’re in custody.  That’s why it’s called custody—because it confers custodianship.

“Back in Jaku, the first thing the heroes did was take action to make sure the patients and staff were safe.”

No.  No, it was not.  In fact what happened was that they stormed the building without warning with part of the team dedicated to evacuation and the other part dedicated to securing Ujiko.  The two teams took action simultaneously.  They didn’t even have everyone out when they confronted Clone!Ujiko in the middle of a hallway within line of sight of two innocent (and clearly not notified of the ongoing evacuation!) staff members. They still didn’t have everyone out when the Noumu came up through the floor.

The fact is, the heroes couldn’t spring their trap with a more generous lead time to guarantee civilian safety because doing so would have tipped off Ujiko.  And, indeed, given that Ujiko was already talking about the heroes' presence when the POV cut to the real man in the lab, he clearly did get tipped off, though the story doesn’t say how exactly.

*** Minor tangent:

I might guess he found out via Mandalay’s telepathy, but, again, it didn’t seem like the pair of staff members that came to his defense had been notified of an emergency, which suggests the telepathic message only initially went out to the people in the immediate lobby, rather than "everyone on the premises except Garaki Kyudai the clone I have mistaken for Garaki Kyudai."

When I worked at a hospital, there were emergency codes for various circumstances; I would think something like that being called would be the immediate reaction to a bunch of heroes showing up and saying to evacuate the building, and yeah, of course a facility-wide evacuation code would do the trick for alerting him!

Frankly, it’s a heap of nonsense that the heroes got everyone out as quickly as they did.  For heaven’s sake, given Mirko’s speed and the ease with which she ripped through the Noumu in the basement, it cannot possibly have been more than ten minutes between her leaping through the main entrance and her kicking down Ujiko’s front door, and Mandalay reported a completed evacuation mere moments after that.  The hospital is four stories with at least two sizeable wings, and given that it was the middle of the day, it’s very likely that there would have been surgeries and other such procedures in progress.  Unless the heroes snuck Quicksilver onto their team, evacuation categorically could not have happened in ten or so minutes. 

But, me griping about how flawlessly the heroes’ raid plans tend to go off given the hurdles they ought realistically to be facing is not new. I now return to the rest of the chapter post. ***

Shouji, in any case, wasn’t at the hospital, so his word on what the heroes did is unreliable.  The students didn’t even know what they were doing at the start of that day, so anything he knows about the details of the Jakku raid is going to rely on hearsay from classmates or the media, none of whom were in the hospital advance team, either.

Moving back to the hospital currently in question, I have to ask Shouji how much authority over the space does he think a mob of 15K people actually has?  Even though the Jakku team wasn’t holding the building to start with, they still had the societal cachet to walk unimpeded into a bustling hospital, say, “Everybody out,” and be listened to with minimum fuss and maximum police backup.

The mob, conversely, is attacking a building from which they are being vigorously denied entry.  Their number is composed of malcontents and villains, people who have no authority to make any demands of those inside the building save whatever obedience they can brute force their way into commanding with numbers and threats.

And even so, you know what the mob spends most of the chapter saying?  Spoilers: it’s not screaming for blood and vengeance.  They have a few very common refrains—make way, clear a path, push the enemy back.  When they come up against Rock Lock, there are calls to get his hands, to tie him up.  Their intent is to restrain him, not to kill him, not even to knock him out!  When the crowd briefly overwhelms Koda, the elderly beaked heteromorph does nothing but tear off the kid’s mask and call him a traitor.

I’m not saying no one would get killed in the case of a villain victory; certainly, when violence has already broken out and emotions are running that high, with so many angry people there, it’s entirely likely that things would continue to escalate (though if Scarecrow were able to continue rallying the crowd, he would likely be able to direct them somewhat(9)).  Still, Shouji asks what their plan is to avoid innocent suffering, and I would point out that their modus operandi seems to be to not inflict undue suffering even on the people actively opposing them, much less the civilians inside!

No, one thing changes the mood of the crowd for the worse, and that’s Shouji’s attack on Spinner.(10)

That’s when the content of the cries suddenly gets more bloody-minded, calling explicitly for death, just like back in Deika when the MLA rank-and-file would go nuts when their leaders were attacked.  (Though, honestly, Spinner’s guesses back then notwithstanding, it’s not like that’s so strange or cult-like.  Attacking leaders of social or political movements directly is always going to piss off their followers.  Feels a bit like a foul, you know?)

I don’t have a lot to say about Spinner this week, because frankly the situation with him is just too damn depressing.  More on that—and on the matter of who’s expected to plan and who gets away without plans—next time.

“Do you have a plan here?  Because if not, I won’t let this stand!”

“I won’t let this stand” lolol does that mean Shouji would let this stand—just step back and roll out the red carpet for them—if they did have a plan?

Well, no, because his actual line there is the well-worn, “I won’t forgive you.”  According to Translator Sis, it’s kind of a Whole Thing in the American translator community that no one wants to just translate that line straight, so you see all kinds of weird permutations to get around it.  I'd venture to guess this is because the phrase has Cultural Baggage in Japanese that it lacks in English; I remember reading once, years ago, that the reason Sailor Moon concludes her speech every episode with, "I won't forgive you!" is that forgiveness is considered a Very Big Deal in Japan.

Of course, I should think forgiveness is a pretty big deal in most parts of the world, but Japan values societal harmony very highly, so yeah, I can see that declaring one's refusal to forgive someone (et tu, Natsuo?) would be regarded as a very grave statement indeed.

(More on that next time, too.)

Stray Notes: 

O  The chapter opens with, “Turning back the clock a bit…” and it strikes me that there’s not much point in turning back the clock if Spinner isn’t going to win here.  I mean, I obviously thought that already—there are far too many loose plot threads on this battle for it to be wrapping up yet—but as VFO foreshadowed last chapter, I think we must be right on the cusp of a shift in fortunes.

After all, if Spinner and the rest were just going to be defeated here, it wouldn’t matter that all this was happening slightly earlier than the (seeming) climax of ShigAFO’s defeat.  So while things look dire here, and look even worse in 371, I’m all but positive at this point that the hospital fight will represent the tides turning again.  We wound back the clock so that no one would be confused when Kurogiri and whoever-all else teleport into the middle of the UA battlefield right where we left Deku and ShigAFO last time.

O My schadenfreude at the police and Rock Lock’s complaints about how organized the mob is cannot be overstated.  Lolol, “There’re only 200 of us, we’re so short-handed, and they’re so mean for splitting us up, weeeeh!”  YEAH, THAT’S HOW IT FEELS.  SUCKS WHEN THE ENEMY SPLITS UP YOUR FORCES AND CUTS YOU OFF FROM BACKUP, DUNNIT?

O A point to Horikoshi.  I’ve been complaining for months now that the alleged shortage of heroes is empty talk because Team Hero still always had all the people they could ever need to attack and defend all their objectives.  Well, here we finally, finally have a shortage that matters: not enough people to defend Kurogiri is going to mean they fail to defend Kurogiri, with all the consequences that come after.  It’s about time.

O Koda is a sweetheart, and he doesn’t deserve to be called a race class allegorical discrimination victim traitor to his face.  I do, however, feel less bad for him in the wake of 371 than I did just after this chapter.

O The blood splashed on the ground is an evocative touch, and I particularly like the panel layout of Scarecrow, arms up and reciting his toll of grievances as the image of the crowd he’s talking to today gives way to that image of spilled blood, and then to a crowd from times past, where heteromorphs are on the opposite end of the violence, and then even further to the image of the surface peace people fool themselves into believing exists today.

It’s really excellent in the way that it matches Scarecrow's verbal addressing of all this—the crowd, the history, the social veneer—with an image of his visually addressing it.  He’s even the only one who isn’t contained in a panel, the ledge he’s standing on jutting out subtly in front of the other images, giving the impression that he’s standing in front of this gallery of horrors and explaining them to an audience like a particularly fire-and-brimstone museum guide.

Fantastic work!

O In terms of translation, I don’t love the choice to render Spinner’s broken language as caveman-speak.  I realize that it’s not really possible to get at the same effect in English—indeed, it wouldn’t be possible to get across the effect in spoken Japanese, either!  Still, I think a closer equivalent would be to leave Spinner’s language as-is, but spell it all phonetically, like a grade-schooler trying to write words they’ve heard but haven’t learned how to spell yet.  That’s a much closer replica of the way regular kanji are broken down into their component sounds or the wrong system of writing is used.

O With Scarecrow waving Spinner onward like that, I have to wonder how cognizant he is of Spinner’s dysfunction, and what he thinks of it if he does know?  Next week’s chapter is unclear on this as well.

O Someone please save me from civilians standing around with slack looks of shock on their dumb faces the moment a hero makes an ill-considered rhetorical point.  Cripes, I’m so tired of civilians in this story not being allowed to have opinions, beliefs, or motivations that are well-considered enough to stand up to a single conversational parry.

----FOOTNOTES----

1:  So much a secret that Horikoshi himself hadn’t figured it out at first, judging by Kurogiri’s presence in Tartarus circa Chapter 297.

2: “Gigantomachia’s rampage allowed one hundred and thirty-two of them to escape.  Their bases scattered around the country were hit too, and the sympathizers were rounded up.”

3:  In his villa raid appearances, his shoulder-mounted bug legs and his hands looked different enough that I didn’t read them as being of the same material.  In particular, the segments of his bug legs had a very ball-and-socket joint look, whereas his hands and fingers looked connected by cables in between their individual segments.

4:  I might compare a sacred avoidance to, say, the Jewish prohibitions on how the names of God are to be written or not written.

5:  Tsumi would be a better word for that concept.

6: There's a certain amount of scholarship around exactly how the burakumin came to be, and to what degree their status was as a result of a sincere belief in kegare or more political in nature. Much of said scholarship is paywalled or in Japanese, but from what I can find, kegare was certainly used as a justification, even if there were other factors in play at the time.

7:  Largely because the idea of giving the government the power to start reenacting the March 15 Incident is massively unpopular with the voter base.

8:  It shares a lot of circumstances with that, in fact.  Both the location of the training camp and Kurogiri being moved to Central Hospital were supposed to be cloaked in secrecy.  Both the training camp and Kurogiri were recognized as possible targets.  The training camp attack involved the villains getting information from an inside source, which is likely how AFO found out Kurogiri’s location as well.

9:  Direct them to do what?  Well, he’s got no reason other than crowd morale management to spare the hospital’s defenders, but much less reason than that to call for anything very awful to be done to the hospital’s civilian occupants.  I’d have said the same thing about Hose Face bringing up Midnight’s death, though, so far be it for me to deny the possibility of nonsensical cruelty from the villains Horikoshi isn’t asking us to care about.

10:  In fairness, because Spinner is about to crush a pair of cops with his Mega Sword-Sword.  Spinner is not thinking straight enough to be thinking at all about incapacitation versus maiming versus death; he’s just cutting a path ahead.

[class1akids]

Do you hate (or dislike) BakuDeku? And no, I absolutely not a shipper, It's just that it's not the first time I've seen you pissed off about this. Some bkdk material in canon (or whatever it is), and then the typical trend to ignore Shouto and left the class behind once again.

And I totally understand you do. Because we keep seeing they insist on relegating Shouto when the main focus is on 'The Untouchable Duo' and it seems this will never change, nobody cares either (well at least I'm glad Shouto doesn't need to rely on anyone to shine by his own). I feel like this is just to satisfy the bkdk fans hunger maybe (most prob) rather than something intentional per se. Or idk, but. Hasn't this been going on for a while??? This same thing. Like, bkdk as the center of BNHA. Over and over and over again? Sadly that's how it has always been, it's as if nothing else matters at times if not the mostly.

I don't hate bkdk as a ship (though there are a lot of types of takes on it I dislike, so I rarely engage in the fanfics) and I do like it as a platonic dynamic a lot. Well, I used to like it a lot more in the past - I haven't been a fan of what happened since post-war.

Bakugou's apology was great, but him not getting any independent plot points after the war, I feel, really hurt his character. To me, he was more enjoyable before with his own motivation, social circle, field of influence. I think he would have immensely benefited from a solo fight exploring his growth a bit better. Now, he's been just wrapped up into Deku's plot, and it really sucks. His fight started out on the good notes for him, but I hated how when he got up after a severe beating and analysed Shigaraki was made to be about Deku, as if being someone who never gives up and being someone who is tactically smart haven't been core Bakugou characteristics since Day 1.

Also, while I enjoy(ed) bkdk as a dynamic, I have really grown to dislike Deku's arc. Again, not Deku as a person - some fanfic Dekus are still very dear to me - but this Messiah-MC-who-can-do-no-wrong and gets spoon-fed victories is just not it for me and I actively hate to see others brought down to elevate Deku.

As for my rant - what set me off was an art by TUM mangaka where she featured Endeavor with BKDK helping build a dam and Shouto was missing. I can understand putting BKDK and their relationship into the focus and have no problem with it, but when it's obviously an Endeavor internship reference, then I don't understand why Shouto is not there and I don't think there is an excuse to leave him off.

I'm also generally feeling increasingly salty about TUM and the amount of BKDK chapters in it vs how Shouto is barely visible. He only had a somewhat visible role in 3 chapters out of the 24, and not a single time has been teamed up with an actual pro-hero. There have been no TDDK chapters at all yet (even though everyone and their mother had team-ups with Deku by now), and only one featuring both Shouto and Bakugou (along with Kirishima and Camie), despite the ship-bait at the start.

Even when chapters focus on Dekusquad people - Shouto is just left out, while Bakugou is put in. (Both the recent Iida-focused and the Ochako-focused chapters had Bakugou but no Shouto). I do like Bakugou, but I don't like it when it's so obviously at the expense of Shouto-content.

So I'm really starting to question if Akiyama Yoco hates Shouto, and as a Shouto-fan, it makes it very hard for me to enjoy the rest of her work. While I purchased the first 2 volumes of TUM, I'm not putting any more money into a spin-off that is so blatantly anti-Shouto and ignores his fanbase to this level.

As for the canon, I'm actually mostly happy about Shouto doing his own thing with Dabi. I do like the Todoroki-family plot a lot - it's the only thing that is interesting for me in the manga at this point, and I'm excited about all the Shouto-Touya interactions. They are new, they are fun, there are a lot of emotional resonance with me.

So as long as we don't get Deku blitz in there to "fix" everything and Shouto is allowed to fulfil his arc, I'm ok with it.

I do hope though that Shouto will get a moment to also step up as a hero for the public, to deliver on the "reassuring hero" part of his arc and I wouldn't mind if in the end, he'd be still there with Bakugou and Deku. But as long as his arc gets a satisfying conclusion, I'll be fine.

[raredrop]

i want to express my thoughts on the professor(s)

gonna split this into two (or three bc i do wanna talk about the ai) chunks bc they remind me of two other characters from previous games

first half: the villain’s motive

every pokemon villain (or the closest thing they might have to one considering a lot of them arent....evil per say) has a motive, a reason, a plot, a plan, whatever potato patato 

the professor wanted to bring prehistoric (sada) or futuristic (turo) pokemon to live side the present pokemon with the time machine they worked on with the AI professor but that would prove to completely ruin the ecosystem and who knows what else if they had gotten out (and like one DID get out already, donphan)

the professor hand waves it off as part of nature, and for this i wanna say the professor kinda....in a way reminds me of colress from bw2 in that his whole thing was that it was less he was evil and more that he was just doing things bc it allowed him to do science (not to mention he got to more or less repent for this)

does this make them evil for it? mmmmmmmmmmm???? i wouldnt put him on the same level as most of the other ones (like giovanni or ghetsis, or even the gen 3 team even if in oras they wised up at the end)

i need like a scale of morally grey-ness to see where that goes bc....

there’s the whole PPP that protects the time machine, i mean why go through such measures to set up something that would attack people (i get it was probably bc of everything that happened leading to the professors death) but come on man....

AND the second chunk: arven.

arven arven arven, much like lillie, n, silver, and others before him....arven was neglected by his parent (considering either his mom or dad depending on what version ur playing, walked right on out....which is currently speculated to be the other professor...specially since he looks like both of them) and had to raise himself

hes traumatized for years, he has a jealousy and hatred for the box legendary (until you help him warm up to it) his only close friend is his pokemon who got hurt in the very place his parent is stuck in

and on top of that he doesn’t even get proper closure with his “remaining” parent bc they died (turo means future and sada means past which means THEYRE NOT PRESENT AAAAAAAAA)

but there is the AI.......

my final section: the AI professor

i do wish we had gotten to hear more about the AI, if pokemon did more flashbacks, or maybe a journal from their POV (since theres journals on the way down from the og professor)

It’s very interesting how despite they are more or less a perfect recreation of the professor....they developed on their own after the fact to want to go against the professor’s dream, that it no longer wanted to do what it was even built to do

and while the ai professor does say that the original professor did care about arven....its hard for me to really accept that....but i do think if the ai was allowed to be free maybe they could have cared for him on their own

(which is a whole nother can of worms to think about)

so do i think the professor is evil, i dunno, do i think their neglectful of things outside of their research and dreams and UH ALSO THEIR SON? very much yes

do i think the professor is well written for the role theyre supposed to fill??? i also dont really know? i think the overall story is one of the best but we dont get a lot of time with the professor (both human and ai) until the very end

and my like ideal of a well written pokemon villain (at least in the main games i dont even wanna talk about pmd whogh) is ghetsis....holy heck i still think hes like the worst guy ever (specially since after gen 6 villains got more not completely evil, and even then i think lys was pretty weak. but even then i think some are just written worse than others even if they arent fully evil COUGH ROSE COUGH)

so i dunno, if theres dlc and we learn anything more maybe i’ll have more thoughts, maybe they wont even cover anything else about the professor...maybe i’ll have to wait for something like animation or something to have more info (assuming they dont do to him whatever the heck they did to lusamine in the anime....i didnt even watch the anime and from what i know it was....weird)

and as a final note i hope this doesnt sound like im excusing the professor for what they did, no matter how evil their plan was i dont think it excuses the FACT THEYRE A PIECE OF TRASH PARENT AND ARVEN I AM YOUR PARENTS NOW

[sunnibits]

You just watched the potc for the first time FEEDBACK ??

HELLO yes I have finally watched it. After many years and watching half of the first movie like three times. I watched the pirate movies.

Here are some extensive thoughts for you while I avoid my current anxiety and responsibilities:

Overall?? They’re just. Okay. Like idk they’re alright. I liked them, like they weren’t bad, I just didn’t feel any strong emotions for most of it?? They were solidly okay. Sorry to the potc mega enjoyers rip

but since I’m bored and I love rambling here are some thoughts on the characters:

will - constantly serving looks but maintains the personality of a piece of white bread. sorry will like I’m sure there’s just some real depth there that I just didn’t care to search for but idc. he’s not rlly my type of guy and I knew that going into it, whatever. shout out to Orlando Bloom for being very pretty tho.

elizabeth - ohhhhh my goddd ohhh my god keira knightley is so pretty jesus fuck lord in heaven. I was literally just staring at her in every scene. god. no but seriously I liked her character a lot more than I thought I would!! Not that I thought I wouldn’t like her but I just figured I’d focus a lot more on Jack instead, but I was actually super into her she is thee only valid bitch in this whole movie series. I’m so mad that she just became king of pirates and then?? went home or something?? unrealistic. she should be the captain of the black pearl and rule all pirates, duh. no men are worthy of her actually.

jack - ohhh boy. let me tell you despite never watching these movies I STILL had such a massive crush on this guy when I was younger. he was like, the pinnacle of attractiveness in my mind. honestly my feelings haven’t changed much, I remain weak for smudgy black eyeliner. however?? actually liked him slightly less than I thought I would??? Idk I figured I would be super obsessed with him and nobody else but, eh. the thing about him is that like, I know that being unpredictable and morally grey is literally his whole thing, but it just kind of got boring after a while?? don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with characters who are backstabbing selfish little shits, I have a lot of experience with them, but in this case it just felt rlly tiring. I knowwwww we’re not really supposed to know what’s up with him but I think he could have used just a little bit more grounding as far as letting us into his head for like, five seconds. it just kind of felt like the writers were rolling dice as far as when he betrays people and when he decides to be a good guy out of the blue?? I never felt like I knew where he stood or what his motivations were. Again, I know that’s kind of the point, but, idk, the balance felt off to me. That’s just my opinion tho.

related point to another thing that didn’t really bug me per se but just felt funny - everyone’s undying loyalty to Jack that seems to just come out of nowhere??? I just felt like every single movie had the same thing where like, Jack is a selfish little shit who goes behind everyone’s back for 85% of the movie - maybe he does maybe one (1) good thing at some point - but then at the end of the movie everyone’s like ‘I would literally go to the ends of the earth to save this man’ and I’m just like??? Why????? What did he do for you besides like one good thing among many many annoying things? Don’t get me wrong, I do like Jack a lot, but as far as the actual characters in the movies, their motivation to follow this man into death felt kind of random. I felt like all of these movies were trying to sell Jack Sparrow to me as the Specialist Most Smart Amazing Man Ever but in truth he was just kind of some guy. idk. that was just amusing to me.

other miscellaneous thoughts:

Davy Jones is cool I was rooting for him a lot in the end :) honestly the entirety of the third movie I was just like CAN WE PLS GIVE HIM HIS HEART BACK ALREADY GIVE THE MAN A BREAK lmao. kind of wish he had a nicer ending tho :(((

Norrington was… there. Idk, I don’t have any really strong feelings about him, but I did like him in his final scenes. I can definitely see how he would be someone you could grow to appreciate a lot more after a few viewings.

I know Disney made them but I swear these movies could not pick a genre. One second it’s Scary Serious Pirate movie and the next it’s all kid humor, idk, I feel like they should have just gone with one or the other. I know that’s kind of their whole thing but it didn’t work for me personally.

That one fucking music bit. Not like the pirate music everyone always puts in memes but another bit. I can’t name a specific scene but god it slaps so hard. Every time it came on I ascended to another plane of existence.

The Black Pearl is so pretty <3 that’s it that’s the thought

Also fun fact about me - part of the reason I did not watch these movies for a while was bc I was rlly scared to watch them when I was younger, bc when I was a wee kid I accidentally walked in on a rlly creepy disturbing bit with Davy Jones while someone else was watching it and it rlly freaked me out. Honestly valid of little Sunny tho having watched that scene now again - shit really was gross. Especially for baby me :( that’s ok tho bc now I am strong 💪 and actually rlly enjoyed Davy Jones

sorry my feedback was mostly ranting I swear I did not hate these movies. I liked them and I felt very very bisexual while watching it 😳 but I am probably not going to watch the last two movies tho bc why did they even make more. I’m sure they are not that good.

[addictedtostorytelling]

Hi! Thank you for answering my questions. I hope this "ask" finds you well. I just finished CSI S15 and I would like to know your opinion on these issues:

Why is Sara Sidle so angry? I have seen her spiraling with alcohol, depressed on her love for Boss G and anger about everything in general on S4 & S8 but the angry Sara on S15 is vicious and violent. Assaulting suspects on PD hallways, shouting during interrogation, slamming her hand on the interrogation table... Seriously, Sara Sidle is scary, way out of line and borderline unprofessional. The Angry Sara on the earlier CSI seasons are usually cause by Domestic Violence but the Angry Sara on S15, I can't explain the motivation. It's confusing.

And Greg Sanders is so dull. What happened to the rock and roll head banging, Las Vegas History lovin' Lab Tech turned CSI? His hair used to be so distinct and lively but on S15, his hair is dull and parted sideways. He looks so sad. Like life as CSI has sucked all the fun out of him.

(no complains about Pancho Nicky though 😁)

And every CSI is moonlighting as Lab Techs. No more Gun-expert Bobby, Tech Savvy Archie and Finger Print Reader Mandy/Jackie...now all lab tech duties are divided to Hodges, Henry and the CSI.

Also, I would like to comment on the writers of CSI S15. They are lazy. One case in an episode then a serial killer arc for the entire season. The tangents and possible explanation why a person is a viable suspect is confusing. Whatever happened to the 2 cases per episode concept? That concept worked with high ratings for so many years/seasons so why change it? Now, all CSI worked in 1 case per episode, it seems they are passing tasks with each other that they can do themselves. No wonder it ended on a low rating. I cannot see/feel the magic of CSI anymore. The episodes looks tired and dragging.

I am very sorry for the rant but I stopped watching when Gil Grissom left in S9E10. After multiple watching of CSI Vegas, CSI S01 to S9E10 and CSI Immortality, I finally got the courage to watch all episodes after GG left starting S15. Gosh, my disappointment and frustration were so high that I had to go back and rewatch all GSR scenes on CSI Vegas so I can remind myself that Sara Sidle is not angry and so beautifully in love with her hubby Gil Grissom.

I finished S15 but I am afraid of all the disappointment and frustration I will feel on S14. Still, I will push through so I can say I have watched all CSI Episodes from S01 to S15.

Again, apologies for the rant.

hi, @hiei29!

i’m gonna put my answers under the “keep reading” so as not to poison anyone’s dash, okay?

warning: this post is extremely critical of the writing in the later seasons of the show and especially of the characterization in those seasons. if you are a fan of those seasons, you probably shouldn’t read this post, as it contains a literal salt mine of negativity regarding them.

__

so, uh, i make no secret of the fact that i hate the later seasons of csi with all the salt that is in me, finding them to be some of the worst-written and most disappointing television i have ever watched, a downgrade in every possible way from the early seasons of the show.

there is literally nothing about them i find enjoyable, and i refuse to rewatch them because to me they are so contemptible.

i am afraid to say, but i think you'll discover (since you're watching in reverse chronological order) that things are only going to get worse for you as you delve now into s14 and then s13, which is the absolute nadir of the series and by far the hardest season to watch as a gsr/sara sidle fan.

anyway.

to answer some of your questions, i will first direct you to several posts that cover a lot of the same topics:

this one talks about the poor writing and multiplicity of storytelling problems in the later seasons of the show, explaining why they came about from an outside-of-the-story world perspective. though a lot of the post relates specifically to s10 (and the clumsy way the writers wield ray langston as a character), the same concepts also apply throughout s11-s15, as well.

this one was written after the end of s15 but before news of the show's cancellation had come out and so is in some ways out of date, but it does outline many of the general problems with csi's writing during that late-game era, including its eschewing of character development, how only working on a single case per episode reduced many of the characters to "glorified lab tech" and/or "courier" status (as you describe above), its over-reliance on spectacle, its lack of serialization/continuity, etc.

this one explains in more detail the shift from the traditional a plot/b plot narrative format into the "one case per episode" one and what this move's effects on the show were overall.

this one talks about how greg's characterization and development were first flattened and then dropped in the later seasons of the show, while this one explains how he got stuck in an interminable holding pattern as part of a never-fully-resolved love triangle with him, morgan, and hodges, which ultimately contributed to his "unfinished" feeling as a character at the end of the series.

as for the topic of sara and her anger in the late series:

that issue is one that has its roots in many of the other issues discussed above.

as new writers came onto the show and, steered by their generally poor writing instincts, made the mistake of focusing their attentions on introducing and highlighting the newer characters (first langston, then russell, finn, and morgan) rather than dividing their attentions equally among the whole cast, they neglected the old characters, essentially relegating them to minor character status. though by all rights, once grissom and catherine had left the show, nick, sara, and greg should have moved to center stage just by virtue of their seniority and how invested the audience was in them, they were largely ignored.

nick got the most development out of the trio post-s12 (when catherine left the show and russell, finn, and morgan replaced her), which is perhaps why you find yourself the least disappointed with his characterization out of anyone's, though even he featured far less prominently and received less development than he should have.

in the meanwhile, sara and greg's development completely fell by the wayside.

while greg's "benching" happened in the wake of the failed love triangle storyline of s12 (as described in the post above), sara's came about following her s13 divorce, after which she never really was given another personal storyline again.

though they would both occasionally be the subject of individual "focus episodes" (e.g., see episode 14x16 "killer moves" for greg or episode 15x12 "dead woods" for sara), any and all development they underwent was consigned to those episodes only; all emotional changes, lessons learned or unlearned, progress/regression, etc. they experienced lasted just until the end credits rolled and then was summarily forgotten about going forward, as if it had never happened to begin with. neither one of them had any kinds of serialized arcs to speak of for the last several seasons of the show.

but here's the thing: not only did they not get any character development in the last several seasons of the show, but their characters themselves were also flattened, reduced down to be caricatures of their former selves.

the new writers who came onto the show following the 2008 writers' strike and later (see the first post linked above) hadn't done their homework. none of them read the show bible or really got a feel for the old characters; they knew them only in a very superficial way.

frankly, all of the characters of the later seasons, both old and new, have the same standard base personality: a very one-note, sitcom-esque “quirky smartness” with a uniform sense of humor, uniform approach to problem solving, uniform professional skillset, and uniform “good guy-ness,” which results in them all tending to speak and act mostly the same across scenes, to the point of interchangeability.

seriously: in 80% of the scenes in the later seasons, you could swap out any one character for any other and the tone, timbre, and outcome of the scene would not be altered at all. there’s no perceptible difference between how sara talks and how finn does, how greg would approach an issue versus how nick would, etc.; they’d all make the same quips and take the same actions across the majority of all scenes. 

the writers then tacked on maybe one or two “extra” character traits to each character* in order to “distinguish” them from one another (so that russell becomes base personality + hippie dad, finn becomes base personality + maneater, hodges becomes base personality + self-important weirdo, etc.) and considered their characterization work done, making no further efforts to develop or change anyone over time.

* except for morgan, who is literally just the base personality and nothing else. i mean, seriously, aside from being “nice,” what even is she? how would one describe her? she has no distinguishing characteristics.

compare this very stock characterization in the later seasons to the rich characterization of the early ones: in s1-s8 of the original series, each main character has a very distinctive personality, worldview, and even diction. greg never would or even could have approached solving a problem in the same way that grissom would/could, nick’s dialogue didn’t sound the same across the board as warrick’s, etc. even grissom and sara, who were the two most similar characters, in terms of the basic temperaments, intelligence levels, ways of speaking and comporting themselves, etc., weren’t 1:1 the same as each other; they had enough that varied between them so as not to be mistakable for each other. the main cast felt like six different people, not six versions of the same person. and the storytelling was so much better and more compelling for it! even just on an emotional level, there was so much more dynamism and room for multiple reactions. not everyone was going to bust out the exact same quip at the exact same time, you know?

but whereas the new characters were never anything but this base personality + [insert the one individual characteristic they may or may not possess here], meaning that for as boring as they may be, there’s nothing really to mourn with them in terms of “lost potential,” with the old characters, this adherence to the stock formula is something far more devastating, as in order to make them fit the mold, the writers had to strip them of so much of their former characterizations, divesting them of all of the intricacies that had been part of them throughout the early seasons of the show, leaving them shadows of their former selves.

nick became “standard later seasons personality” plus

nice 

texan

traumatized but we’re not quite sure how/in what ways/to what degree and aren’t consistent about depicting him as such

sara became “standard later seasons personality” plus

uncool/nerdy

sarcastic

angry

greg became “standard later seasons personality” plus

has a crush on morgan??????

(that’s really his only “distinguishing” character trait in the last several seasons.)

and all of them shifted from being dramatic characters who had occasional comedic beats to being comedic characters who had occasional dramatic ones. it was like they had been transposed into a sitcom world, despite the very macabre nature of what their procedural was all about; i call it the “ncis-ification of csi.”

it was as if never having watched the early seasons of the show themselves (or only having watched a few episodes here and there), the later seasons writers turned to the wikipedia character summaries for nick, sara, and greg and then based their entire depictions of the characters going forward on what they found in those few paragraphs of description.

there was no nuance or multivalence to how they handled the characters at all, no sense of recourse to their past developments, no sense of history with them, certainly no development going forward, etc.

so.

for as much as i hate the later seasons for what they did to gsr, i hate them even more for what they did to sara sidle, taking the most wonderfully complex, interesting, realistic, subtle, dynamic, well-wrought character i’d ever had the pleasure of watching on tv and turning her into what was essentially just “angry girl, version 1.0,” totally generic in every way.

i still remember my first time watching the scene in episode 15x12 “dead woods” in which sara stalks abby’s boyfriend slade down the hall at pd, runs him up against the wall, and threatens him. while my first reaction was to full-body cringe because, holy god, that was embarrassingly badly written!, my second reaction was to feel heartbreak, because what i was seeing was such a bastardization of my favorite character that she was almost unrecognizable to me, and it was such a shame.

it was like the writers were vaguely aware of older scenes like the one in episode 01x10 “sex, lies, & larvae,” where sara gets in scott shelton’s face, and wanted to replicate them, but they had no idea what would actually make sara tick or what her mechanics were. 

theirs was just a bad impression of “sara being triggered,” lacking all understanding of her inner emotional world.

and that’s how sara is throughout the later seasons: most often, just the standard base personality, but with occasional flashes of intense and largely unexplained anger thrown in.

and, i mean—

had they wanted to, they maybe could’ve been more deliberate about depicting sara’s anger, making it an actual plot point that after the divorce, she started to be much more hair-trigger and prone to outbursts, constantly simmering with a low current of frustration that sometimes ignited into full-on flares of fiery temper in cases where she was provoked.

they could’ve shown nick and greg worrying about how on-edge she seemed and maybe even herself fretting over her inability to control herself.

they eventually could’ve written something about how the truth was, she found it easier to be angry at the world than to feel her actual, underlying emotion, i.e., heartbreak over losing the love of her life—because at least the anger was somewhat “empowering,” whereas the heartbreak just made her feel small, helpless, hopeless, and vulnerable, and particularly since she feared it might be unending.

because how could she ever be happy again without grissom?   

at some point, they could’ve had the storyline come to a head, maybe with sara crossing a line with a suspect or even one of her team members, being confronted about it (or even faced with suspension) and then breaking down, finally admitting just how hurt she was, maybe going into anger management or therapy or at least just giving voice to her feelings for once.

like.

it wouldn’t have been a storyline i would have favored for her, but it could have been a thing if the writers had wanted to make it one.

it could have been some actual storywork.

but of course it wasn’t.

they never made anything of it.

there was never any sense that the writing of sara as angry was at all purposeful or that it had anything to do with events from her past, either from her childhood or more recently with the divorce.

in the later seasons writers’ incompetent hands, “angry sara” was always just a haphazard thing, something they did with her when the case-of-the-week called for it or when they didn’t know what to do with her otherwise.

never was it delved into.

never was it treated as the problem it was.

since in their minds, sara was just an angry person—ignoring all of her post-episode 05x13 “nesting dolls” development in the earlier seasons of the show—there was no reason to question or probe or explore her anger; it was just a given, something they could fall back on whenever they needed a quick and easy way to ratchet up the emotional tension in a particular episode.

the reason you find yourself unable to explain the motivations behind sara’s anger in s15 is because there aren’t any.

unlike gil grissom, the writers of that season are unwilling to ask what’s made sara so angry. they don’t ever go there, and neither do they want to.

they have no intention to ever look beneath the surface with her.

so they just don’t.

i wish i could tell you that there’s something to look forward to with s14, but there really isn’t. the writing is just as bad and the characterization is just as nonexistent as is the case with s15. sara is certainly just as wasted.

anyway.

thanks for the questions! please feel welcome to send more any time.

[maah-long]

Gathering my thoughts after Genshin's Fontaine Archon Quests

HEY THERE ARE SPOILERS HEREEEE

Partly why I disappeared from Tumblr and Twitter, running away from spoilers 💀💀💀 ig this post is mostly for me, to organize my thoughts I havE MANY OF THEM

But one nice thing I did was finish only one quest (not chapter or questline) per day before going to bed, all lights out. It was so comfy, I'm sure this'll be part of why playing them is being so memorable for me 😭😭😭 and the prison songs are such bangers, they made everything even better!!!!

But anyways, most important things first, arlECCHINO. SHE IS SO CORDIAL??? I mean not cordiaaal friendly, but like, super polite?? And calm and collected and all?? I honestly thought she was gonna be a bit insane, or at least that there would be something giving away some type of ulterior motive but..,, I got nothing?? She seems genuinely interested in saving Fontaine and cares for the kids, even if it's probs for self-interests first and foremost, maybe. She totally is very manipulative tho. Other thing I find funny about her is how she destroys anyone with her unforgiving words, while being calm and pretending she's kinda not doing it on purpose. Love that, you go queen 🥳🥳🥳🥳

The thing is, when I saw the guy in the first quest turning into water after saying something he shouldn't, I was "ARLCECCHINO WILL BE LIKE THAT FOR SURE", manipulating everyone, and if any slip-ups happen, she can just unalive them. That Lyney and Lynette could not give anything away or she would just poof them. But I don't know anymore, if it IS like that, she fooled me completely. But I mean, she could do whatever she wanted with me, I wouldn't mind 🥴🥴🥴🥴

So, I still think there could be something more at play. Maybe the gnosis is another key? But surely the nation ENDING seems like a more pressing matter, oh yes. Even then, everyone is sus. And I mean everyone.

By the way, Neuvillete, you think what "sentence" is too severe, huh 🤨🤨🤨??? who, whom what, why??? The first thing that popped into my mind was Celestia. If not the archon, they're the ones who can do things like that. BUT it doesn't seems like Fontaine is progressing so much for them to care? Especially with the alienated citizens and a kinda not thaaaAAT useful archon y'k..,, Though their tech do look like the most advanced from all the nations, even if that alone, at least for me, doesn't scream "reason to kill you all!! heavenly principles on you!!!" HoweVER turning everyone into water and ruining the nation do remember a bit Khaenrians(?) turning into monsters and losing their nation. Food for thought!!! Wish Neuve said a bit more. However it truly wouldn't be wise to go out there screaming "hey, the gods-gods wanna wipe us all out, no pressure tho 😉", so yeah.

AND Furina. What's with that poor child 😭😭😭? From the first moment she came in the screen I was like "man this girl has no idea what she's doing, does she...". In the court, her commentaries were just 💀💀💀 One that comes into mind is she thinking that finding a clue on Lyney's bag was concrete proof of his crime. My dear, that's the easiest thing to manipulate in the whole world, planting fake evidence. Don't go there thinking you revolutionized the universe !!!!!! And almost all her remarks where kinda like that. That you would deadpan and go "seriously, you really believe that's super clever?". Now that I know (do I??? I think I do at least??) it was on purpose I'm letting her slip. But the thing about her having a curse is pretty interesting. I think her eyes are pretty sus (even if a lot of charas have weird eyes and no explanation, like hu tao, arlecchino and keqing). Does she have a weird side, hm 🤔 but again, they showed no sign of this until now, so ???

About the ending... I still don't know if I think that's a dream or not. Is defs what traveler saw while dreaming but, remember in the beginning,,,,, Childe awakening "it"..,,, hearing voices..,, hydro powers..,,, his dream in the abyss seeing a whale while falling into the sea....,, Guess he's really Mr. Worldwide huh. Maybe he's more linked to Fontaine (or at least some fontaine being?) than we thought? I think the whale ended up saving him. But hey, breathing underwater??? Getting kinda busted, my man.

Hope the quests keep escalating until something mind-blowing happens. I can feel it 😤😤😤

[writers-worst-nightmare]

Legoshi, Juno and bill see there human S/o come to there dorm after doing some training and thy remove these bands off there legs and hands and thy place them on the side they looked nice so thy go to get a better look and they try to lift a band but it would not budge and S/o casually comment"you won't be able to lift them each training band weighs 5 Tons

Legoshi, Jack, and Bill reacting to having a very very strong human s/o:

a/n: I HAVE RAISED FROM MY GRAVE (and also gotten motivation to do this request)

Warning(s): cussing

Pairing(s): Legoshi x reader, Jack x reader, Bill x reader

request are always open

LEGOSHI:

- Legoshi is almost ALWAYS at your dorm

- either he is taking picture of your dorm, reading a book, just talking to you

- you get the idea

- so it is no big shock to you when you come to your own dorm and see Legoshi is on your bed reading a book about humans

- "oh...hey y/n...!"

- Legoshi would chirp, putting down the book he was reading and hugging you

- You chuckled slightly and patted his back

- "hey baby! did you miss me?"

- you responded as you kissed him on the cheek

- Legoshi nodded his head and gave you a little bit of room for you to get your shoes off

- you took off the bands on your ankles and smiled sweetly at the male wolf

- you turned your back on Legoshi for A SECOND and Legoshi was going to pick up after you

- mind you he usually does this, since you are not the cleanest person in the world he likes to clean up for you

- but when he reached to grab the bands you had around your ankles he could not reach them off the ground

- Legoshi pulled with all his wolf might but he just could NOT DO IT

- and he didn't want to look like a fool and ask you if you could lift some bands for him

- but you heard him grunting and got a little curious

- looking over your shoulder you saw that Legoshi was trying to pick up the bands with all his wolf might

- you laughed at him

- "You won't be able to lift them up, each training band weighs 5 tons my little big bad wolf!"

- you casually comment as you turned back around and threw on a hoodie

- Legoshi whipped his head around as fast as you said that

- "I AM SORRY THEY WEIGH HOW MUCH!?!?!?!!?"

- Legoshi exclaimed as he let go of the training band and ran to you

- "five tons per band, so ten tons in all. You won't able to lift those in a while!"

- you said again

- Legohi just stared a you in shock and awe

- "teach me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

JACK:

- Jack is and will always be the hyper type

- like the one that will ALWAYS go on walks with you

- ALWAYS

- you never get a walk alone with this man

- he is also super clingy so that does not help

- you have considered getting one of those child leashes for him

- there is nothing bad about him being the way that he is it is just that he us so

- out there??????????

- like he just casually makes friends while out on a walk and you have to stand there

- like you know when your Mom runs into a friend from high school in a middle of the store and you just have to stand there and pretend like you are interested in whatever you have to say but all you really want is that amazing sweet sweet place everyone else called home

- yeah it's like that

- but worse

- and it didn't help the fact that today was a crowded day so you had to DRAG Jack away from some people because he was clogging up the path for other people who just wanted to workout

- once the two of you got home you were a sweating mess and Jack was still talking to you a mile a minute

- you took off your training bands that you had around your ankles and threw them like it was nothing around the bed

- "babeeeee that's where I was going to take my dog nap!"

- he refuses to call cat naps cat naps because it was disrespectful to all dog kind apparently

- "I will get them off the bed in a second."

- you brushed off and took off your shoes.

- you were about to lift the bands off the bed when Jack tried to get them off

- you gave Jack an annoyed look

- Jack still struggled with the bands, struggling to get them off the bed like it was glue

- “you won’t be able to lift them Jack, each band weights about five tons!”

- Jack sighs and gives up quite easily

- his brain is quite small, please give him some time

- he thinks about it for a while and you can hear him sometimes brag about it to Legoshi

BILL:

- Bill is a very busy man

- and you are also busy

- so it is very rare that the two of you sit down and have a date

- most of the time it is just some theater chore that Louis made you two put together just because he got tired of hearing Bill complain about not having enough time to get together with his partner/lover/significant other

- Louis has sent Bill after he complained for the hundredth time about never having a date you in five weeks

- and to him that might as well be a hundred years

- “Hey y/n, Bill is being annoying and want to go on a date with you. So to shut him up I am making you two design costumes. Oh, and by ‘you two’ I mean just you because we both know more then anybody that Bill will get the most revealing costume and put it on all the girls because he can.”

- Louis stated, you could practically see the steam coming from his ears and irritated little mark on his forehead that every anime in the history of an8me characters has

- “Of course Louis-senpai!”

- senpai means upperclassmen so don’t come at me

- You straightened your back and bolted to the theater room

- ”BILL YOU SON OF A BITCH IF I HAVE LOUIS COME TO MY DORM ONE MORE TIME AND SAY THAT YOU HAVE BEEN ANNOYING HIM ABOUT A DATE I WILL DUMP YOUR ASS AND LEAVE YOU TO THE STREETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

- You exclaim loudly, busting into theater room that still has other theater members in it

- everyone jumps five feet in the air as you walk in

- Bill rolls his eyes before walking over to you and smiling largely

- “I already made an outfit for you! Look at it!!”

- Bill showed you two scraps of fabric that he called an outfit

- You sighed and grabbed the two fabric pierces that were th color of bright neon green (the one color you couldn’t pull off without looking like a crayon)

- ripping it to shreds and throwing in the nearest trash can you patted Bill’s broad shoulders

- “that is not an outfit, that is two pierces of fabrics in the ugliest color I could ever imagine.”

- you smiled a deathly kind of smile that told Bill he should tread carefully or else you would snap his neck in half

- “what‘s that?”

- Bill asked, pointing to your training bands around your ankles

- “oh! Those are my training bands! Do you think that they look good? I was going to go for the light gray bands but chose to go to the dark purple instead to match my dark purple outfit.”

- you explained, a little bit of pep in your step as you lifted up your legs and showed off the training bands smiling proudly

- Bill lifted his eyebrows and unbuckled the ankle training bands and tried to lift them up

- “WHY CANT I LIFT THIS FUCKING THING!?”

- Bill exclaimed as he tried to lift them off the ground

- everyone started laughing at Bill’s attempt to lift the arm bands

- “babe, you won’t be able to lift the arm bands, they are five tons per band!”

- you laughed as you brushed off Bill’s attempt

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

How long would it take the volturi to solve the Kira case?

Fascinating question, anon, I like it. So much so you get answered much earlier than you normally would be.

Shinigami and the World of Twilight

In Twilight there are few supernatural creatures that remain in our world. There's vampires, children of the moon, and the shapeshifter. However, these need not be the only supernatural creatures.

There have likely been mass extinctions (seen in Children of the Moon) and there may be more creatures that are so uncommon that we just don't see any hint of them.

Death Note's Shinigami easily fall into this category.

They live in another dimension, and in the human world (which they rarely visit in person), they're invisible to the eye save for those who have touched their death note. Their methods of killing are so unobtrusive, (heart attacks by default or whatever method they please), that they're unlikely to be noticed unless someone (i.e. Light) is trying to make a point. And in the grand scheme of things, Shinigami also kill relatively infrequently, meaning that any odd death gets passed off as that: an odd death. Also being forbidden to kill for the sake of a human being means that the deaths tend to be a) random b) whatever amuses them the most. That'd be hard to pick a pattern up of.

Shinigami exist in such a manner that I doubt even the Volturi are aware of them.

Some Ground Rules For the Post

I don't see why vampires would have an innate ability to see Shinigami that humans lack. As a result, the Volturi are in the same boat everyone else is, they can't see a Shinigami unless they touch that Shinigami's notebook.

Also, per the manga, the Kira case takes place from 2003-2010, meaning that as Twilight is happening (or before if Aro and the gang somehow solve this faster than L would), the world is mired in the Kira case.

Bella would certainly have been talking about it in Twilight. As would Edward, as he once had his Kira foray as well if on a much smaller scale and with a lot more junkies.

For the sake of my nitpicky need to have everything line up, we're going to push Death Note back a few years, to the beginning of Twilight.

Also, we're taking out L. If L's there, Aro can rely on him doing most of the work for him and only show up at the end to either murder or turn Light once L's narrowed down exactly who it is. That's not really fair per the ask, we have to leave the Volturi on their own.

With that, let's start.

Kira Makes His Appearance

Light's appearance was by no means subtle, he wanted to be noticed immediately, but he also didn't want to be noticed as a human being.

He made no televised announcements, left no messages, sent in no letters saying, "I am God, tremble before me". Instead, he let his silence speak.

He killed via heart attacks those he considered having broken the law to some heinous degree and then he sat back and watch. The public dubbed him Kira first and he only became a confirmed presence, something more real than a specter and a human who could be caught and brought to justice, when he murdered Lind L. Taylor in a public spectacle.

But this is a world without L, which means no Lind L. Taylor, instead we have Volturi and company in Volterra, utterly unconcerned with the human world.

Of course, they immediately notice once an undeniable pattern becomes clear. Human criminals are dying en masse of heart attacks, someone is making a message. The question is, to what end?

Aro wouldn't immediately think this is a human. This kind of power, this kind of gift, to be able to seemingly kill any person in the world at any time no matter the distance, is something too strong for a human. It would be unheard of to have this much power as a human.

Which means Aro believes he's looking for a vampire breaking the law.

The trouble is, it's only humans. The newborn wars are raging as always, every major coven he's ever heard of remains untouched, and there's been no noticeable uptick of deaths among the vampire population.

The only difference to them is that more of them are dangerously close to breaking the law, as crime rates are now plummeting as criminals live in terror of a spiteful god who might strike them down at any moment. This makes murders performed by vampires, in certain areas, far more noticeable.

(As Light is probably killing off known gang leaders, drug lords, etc. left and right, it's probably pandemonium in certain cities/countries. So vampires are probably alright in these places as I'm sure there's a lot of murder going on as survivors try to fill the power vacuum.)

Still, the Volturi have to put their heads together and try to think why any vampire would do this? To what end would they murder all these humans, in such a noticeable manner, and not even to eat their victims?

Aro concludes he's looking for a very young vampire, likely newborn, someone who still thinks of himself as very human and beholden to human society and who isn't aware of Volterra or else does not consider them a threat.

The Volturi Investigators

I think Aro's going to take the lead on this one. There's his gift, obviously, but he'd by far have the most interest.

Caius would be upset by the nerve of Kira, but he has no patience to track him down either when it becomes exceedingly obvious that this is going to be tricky. That, and it just doesn't seem like his thing to me. He's going to mostly sit this one out.

As for Marcus, he's not up to it.

Which makes Aro our lead detective.

The Investigation

Like L, the first thing they do is try to pinpoint the first deaths. There was the immediate deluge, of course, but that screams of confidence in this assassination gift.

Kira likely needed practice to perfect his gift or even realize he had it at all. There's going to be a first victim and it will probably be messy.

Given enough investigation, this probably leads Aro to Japan, where a man taking children hostage suddenly dies in the middle of the hostage situation when televised on national TV (though not outside of Japan). Given that Kira's a vampire, he could have moved from where he started quite easily, but Aro's willing to bet he's still somewhere in Japan.

What Aro does know is that Kira's keeping close to human society. Kira will be reading human papers, watching human television constantly, and appears to be very well-informed concerning his future victims. Both locally as well as internationally. Kira is likely still in a human settlement.

So, the first thing Aro does is look for an unusual number of casualties in any city or town in Japan. Kira will probably be in the newborn phase, may truly be only a few months old, and given his actions has probably been abandoned by his sire. Even if he has unusually high control, he's got to eat sometime, and thanks to his own actions the murder rate in major cities is way down.

Except... there's no uptick.

Crime, murder, in Japan is universally on a downwards trend. Major cities like Tokyo and small rural villages it's all the same, there's nothing noticeable.

Kira either isn't in Japan or... he's not eating.

Aro wonders if, perhaps this assassination gift of his, somehow feeds Kira. He is, after all, stealing life. He does it via heart attacks but maybe, somehow, the very act of stealing life is all Kira needs. Perhaps he doesn't have to drink blood due to this.

This blows Aro's mind for a few days but eventually he decides that, no, he's never heard of this. True, he's never heard of this gift either, but all vampires drink blood. Even Carlisle, who drinks animal blood, still drinks blood and suffers great negative effects for his avoidance of a natural diet.

Kira the vampire must still eat.

Which means, in the absence of any other explanation... Kira's not a vampire. Kira is likely a very gifted human.

Aro's mind is blown again because Holy Fuck, what a gift. Kira has blown Jane and Alec, who were only immediately noticeable in their own village, completely out of the water.

Except, the trouble is, neither Aro nor anyone else in the Volturi is a detective. Aro knows enough about human society to pay his taxes, to hire secretaries, and keep on the up and up, but he doesn't actually solve human crimes.

What he's looked for for thousands of years are vampires who break the law: and they have certain patterns, motivations, etc. that are more or less easy to spot. More, the entire point of his law is that, if Aro notices then it means you broke it. There are those that can and do fly under his radar.

How is he supposed to find a gifted human who can kill anyone in the world any time he pleases? From a brief perusal of Japanese news, there's no one immediately obvious as gifted or strange by local papers.

From earlier killings, Aro notes that Kira doesn't seem to kill between 8 in the morning to 4 pm, which might make him a student but also could mean he's working those hours.

And even if he is a student? How in the world is Aro supposed to touch the hand of every student in the entire country of Japan? Aro, who makes it a point not to navigate the human world.

Aro Calls in the Expert

When you want to hang out with the humans, there's only one vampire to call: Carlisle Cullen. As we're setting this in early Twilight, neither Eclipse nor Breaking Dawn have happened. To the Cullens, and Carlisle, Aro is simply a wise king and Carlisle's old friend.

And I'm sure Carlisle has been watching the Kira case very closely and is very disturbed by the entire thing. Kira's methods are very much not Carlisle's m.o.

Aro gives Carlisle what he knows: Kira's probably a gifted human, probably somewhere in Japan, probably in school, and has access to an extensive amount of human media.

That's it.

That's all Aro's got.

As for the police at large, without L, they haven't even narrowed it down to Japan yet.

Carlisle points out that, as much as he hangs out with humans, he doesn't think he could find the needle in the haystack either. However, he definitely wants to help in any way he can.

However, they do have something. Aro can't touch the hand of everyone in Japan, however, Edward can unobtrusively listen to a much larger segment of the population.

(Alice is off the table as she's best able to see the future of those close to her. Without knowing who Kira even is, let alone being close to him, she has no idea what he's going to even do next. She's likely very frustrated by this.)

Surely, whoever Kira is, he or she will be contemplating their victims more often than not. It's a long shot, but Edward might be able to find that needle in a haystack.

How's Edward Feel About That?

Edward's extremely conflicted. On the one hand, he doesn't want to disappoint Carlisle, and this is the first time Carlisle has ever asked him for a favor of this magnitude. And, in theory, Carlisle is right, all creatures are worthy of life.

On the other hand, Edward's on Team Kira. He thinks these rapist, murderer, pigs all deserve to die and is rooting for Kira to put the fear of God into them. Emphasizing this is when Bella was nearly raped in Port Angeles, but her would be rapist suddenly remembered himself and vomited in terror at the idea that he might be next should he get caught raping her. (As it is, Edward catches him, and a few weeks later he dies of a heart attack in prison. Edward pops the champagne).

More, if Edward goes to Japan, it means he has to leave Bella. Bella has proven she cannot survive without his personal protection. More, he's not sure he can survive without her presence. He can hardly contemplate the idea of leaving Bella, though he ultimately must, but to do so soon? He though he'd have a few more years, likely until they graduate, but now he and the family would have to move all the way to Japan in a matter of days.

Not to mention this would be letting Aro know that Edward's... not technically breaking the law but not not breaking the law either. Bella clearly suspects he's not human, she just doesn't have the right word.

And then to give Kira up to the Volturi? To have his activities stopped, to be turned and placed into the guard, or else murdered? Edward feels like he'd be selling out the brother he never knew.

But also Carlisle and imagining Carlisle's sad, disappointed, face.

Edward says yes but he really wants to say no.

He sneaks into Bella's room in the middle of the night, and for the first time, makes her aware of his presence. He tells her that regretfully he must leave her, he's off to do a man's work and catch Kira, and that they will never see each other again.

Then to Edward's horror and disappointment, Bella's completely on board for Edward catching Kira and thinks it's the noblest thing he could do. Charlie, being a chief of police, utterly despises Kira and Bella carries forward this sentiment. People deserve the due process of law, not being murdered off by some jackass conning people into believing he's a god.

Bella wishes him luck and tells him to return as soon as he can.

Edward just numbly says he won't be returning. This really is it. Goodbye forever.

Bella's utterly broken (though not nearly as much as canon as Edward didn't dump her for being boring).

Edward in Japan

Well, turns out, Edward's not actually that useful. There's a few problems.

First, there are a lot of people out there claiming to be Kira, or even convincing themselves that they're Kira. They do this to brag, to feel special, for any number of reasons.

None of them are Kira.

Second, Edward can only go out on cloudy days or at night, this severely limits when he can wander the streets and the people he'll run into. More, even if he starts with Tokyo, Tokyo's a big place. That's a lot of wandering to do.

Third, say that Edward does come across Light Yagami. Edward immediately dismisses him as being utterly insane. See, Light Yagami is talking to his imaginary friend, Ryuk, bickering about which apples they should buy from the store. Edward sees the giant clown demon that Light believes only he can see and goes, "Ah, another lunatic, cheerio."

Edward does not find Kira.

The Investigation Continues

Aro likely keeps Edward at it for months. It doesn't matter how long it takes, they're going to track down Kira and they're going to find him. It might take years, but dammit, they'll find him. Edward despairs that he will ever be able to go back to normal life.

Luckily for the gang, Bella saves their bacon.

Bella, ruminating on Edward's mission and on Kira, starts doing her own internet investigation. She doesn't get very far, but she does have those prophetic dreams to help her out.

Bella has a seriously weird dream about the moon, night gods, Kira, demons that look like giant crows, notebooks, and Light Yagami's face. Somehow, just as in canon with vampires, Bella's able to somehow put this together.

She calls up Edward (as they parted on more amiable terms, and so quickly, Edward did not yet disconnect his number) and tells him that Kira's name is Light Yagami, he's attending the University of Tokyo as the top student, and his murder weapon is an evil notebook.

How does she know this?

She looked it up on the internet.

Well, Edward isn't sure how to take that, but he also has nothing to lose. They find Light Yagami, Aro shakes his hand, and holy shit, Bella Swan was right. (Aro now decrees that she will be turned, much to Edward's horror and insistence that she has no idea he's a vampire, and has plans to recruit her for his guard).

What Are We Going to Do About Light?

Well, on the one hand, Aro discovered a new species today that he can do nothing about. Luckily, they seem to have their own laws that have more or less the same result as the Volturi laws: don't get noticed.

On the other hand, he's disappointed that this all-powerful gift was not a gift at all.

On the other other hand, Light does not seem to be an ordinary human. He's... lucky, for lack of a better term. No, it's more that he doesn't need luck, he somehow has such an awareness of everything around him that he assimilates it perfectly into his own plans. As if he can manipulate the very universe to his favor.

That's intriguing and useful, and in any other situation, Aro would jump on taking that chance and at least seeing what happens.

So the question becomes, does Aro turn Light or not? On the one hand, that's a useful gift, on the other hand, this kid's a loose cannon and a lunatic.

This Kira thing cannot continue, and Light, even as a vampire, would likely insist on continuing it somehow.

Luckily, there's a solution to this.

Aro burns the notebook, much to Ryuk's protesting despair. Light loses his memories of Ryuk, the notebook, and having been Kira. Before Light even knows what's happening, Aro turns him.

Three days later, Light wakes up a very confused vampire, gets the Volturi pitch with Chelsea there to help loosen bonds, and accepts a position in the guard to, oddly enough, stop those like Kira.

Aro's confused, but hey, they'll see how this Light thing works out. Aro also likely tells himself that he will watch for Ryuk trying to drop Light another notebook like a hawk.

The Kira case is never solved for humans: Kira just disappears one day as if he never existed. As for Light, I imagine he plots the destruction of the newborn armies, and Caius watches in utter fascination as this kid ruthlessly exterminates them all.

Bella is shortly turned into a vampire, much to Edward's despair, and due to the giant mess of this is also likely recruited to Volterra.

How Long Does This Take?

Given the need for the Volturi to first investigate, then Edward, I give them at least a year. Maybe a year and a half.

And really, it's Bella who saves their bacon.

[linkspooky]

Kamo and Megumi is the same... 

I’ve always read the Kyoto vs Tokyo arc as a breakdown of communication.The Kyoto kids want understanding, but  due to everyone being teenagers the Kyoto Kids cannot explain and the Tokyo Kids cannot understand. One of the stand out moments is when Kamo insists they are the same, and Megumi just says no. 

They are both dark haired, quiet, introverts. They were both born outsiders. Toji and Kamo’s mother the prostitute. People that the clan looked down on. However, the clan will take in their children because they were born with a strong cursed technique. They’re both strategists, who act like they’re logical, but tend to be swayed by emotions instead. They’re both trying to protect someone, Megumi his sister, and Kamo his mother and both only became jujutsu sorcerers to protect these people. 

But yeah, they’re totally not the same at all... More under the cut. 

So, why does Megumi reject Kamo so utterly? 

Well, on the surface level it’s simply because Kamo is wrong.

To explain complicated morality a bit. 

Killing one child, even if it’s to protect the peace of everybody else is ethically wrong. 

However, the position Kamo is trying to explain to Megumi is utilitarian. He’s saying, the best way to handle this situation is to do what’s best for everybody, kill one person out of a hundred to save ninety nine. 

He then also adds that, because they’re both heirs to political families they are pressured to think that way. Kamo is thinking in a utilitarian sense, because, he’s saying that as a family with major political power they have to make their decisions on the scope of society as a whole. 

So adding onto that,  Kamo is acting like there is a higher order of reasoning. He says they are expected to think in strictly numerical terms like this, they have to be utilitarian, they have to make their decisions without personal bias, because that’s what is expected of them as the future heads of clan. Kamo is also trying to elaborate, he’s not really allowed, to let personal feelings get in the way of his judgement, because from such a young age he’s always been forced to act responsible in every situation. 

So basically.  Kamo is saying. I’m not allowed to do what I think is right because I’m the son of the Kamo clan, I have to do what the clan thinks is right and fall into line with their utilitarian thinking. 

Megumi’s response to this is, I don’t care about that, I decide things based on what I think is right.

So on one level Megumi is right. Kamo is not actually doing what he thinks is right, he’s doing what the clan thinks is right and claiming he has no choice. Megumi is saying “I don’t care about your cicrumstances or what’s pressuring you, I still believe it’s wrong for you to try to kill my friend.” 

He also, is right in calling that most people are just following their own conscience and just trying to do what they think is right. Kamo’s repressed motivation this entire time is, he’s not really thinking of the whole clan, he’s just trying to do right by his mother. Megumi, is trying to save Tsumiki and Yuji, Kamo is trying to save his mother, however they go about it in different ways, Megumi by saving people selfishly, and Kamo by pretending to be the dutiful and loyal son. 

Megumi’s callout works. Both Megumi and Kamo are just doing what they feel is right in this situation. Kamo is the one pretending like he has a higher reasoning. He’s using the clan’s control over him as a way to excuse himself for what he knows is wrong. 

However, on another level Megumi is wrong.

Megumi is saying, you are doing a bad thing. Therefore, you are a bad person and I don’t have to listen to you. 

When it’s really that Kamo is in a bad family situation. It’s true Kamo’s choices are his own, and he can still make bad decisions and held to responsible for them, however, it’s impossible not to look at Kamo’s family situation, because one it influences his decisions so much (the constant flashbacks to his mother, he’s trying to do what will protect his mom), and two because it resembles Megumi’s own family situation so much (Megumi is also, someone who became a Jujutsu Sorcerer to save his sister). 

“We have no choice but to curse each other.” 

In other words. 

“I don’t care to hear what your reasons are, I’m just going to fight you.” 

It’s never a good thing when you’re quoting Geto. 

This is a bad end. This is where the talks break down. The thing is, both Megumi and Kamo are wrong because they are both kids. Yes, Kamo shouldn’t have ever agreed to the order to kill Yuji but at the same time, Kamo never should have been put in that situation. It’s the adults that are making these kids fight, it’s the adults that create the situations where these kids fight. 

Megumi is using a simplified morality here. Megumi unconsciously divies people into good or bad people and judges them based upon that. We’ve seen them do this countless times, he sees the bad people as not worth saving, and then puts the good ones on a pedestal where they can do no wrong. 

His sister is a “good person” therefore she’s always a good person. Yuji is a “good person” therefore no matter what he does he’s always a good person and worth saving. The problem with this sort of black and white morality is that it doesn’t apply to a life that is a very, messy, gray. The thing is, the way Megumi sees the world the only people who ever do bad things are bad people. 

Well, this guy must have been bad because he hit someone while driving without a liscense.

Megumi says while not knowing the circumstances at all.  Maybe he was driving to work without a license because his mom needed the money and he was still in high school and couldn’t get one? Maybe, he actually felt sorry about it. 

The thing is, the guy was arrested, and was already actively serving penance for his crime. And yet, Megumi is like, “Nah he’s not worth saving. I was planning on letting him die.” 

That’s like, an awful thing to think, because crimminals are no longer human and therefore no longer worth saving. That’s how simplified Megumi’s view on morality is, it’s downright childish, once you’ve done a bad thing you’re labeled as bad for life. People can’t improve, or repent or feel sorry for what they’ve done. 

The thing is people do bad things all the time without meaning too, or for understandable reasons, or because they’re people. Megumi’s primary fear is what if the person I save, turns out to be a bad person?

However, that doesn’t come from a place of hating crimminals per se. 

It comes from Megumi’s tenderness, his kindness, his fear of hurting people. Childish is the best way to describe it. Megumi’s primary character trait is that he was abandoned by both parents, he doesn’t really know how to survive in the world but he has to pretend that he does because no one else is there to take care of him. Add onto that the idea that he was sort of forced into becoming a jujutsu sorcerer first by his dad selling him, then by Gojo only intervening on the premise that he come to work for him instead. Second, on the fact that he was completely powerless to stop whatever was happening to Tsumiki. 

It makes perfect sense that Megumi has a really childish morality, he is a child, and it doesn’t come from a place of wanting to punish bad people so much as he’s afraid of other people getting hurt by his actions, and he’s afraid that he might be at fault, that he might be the reason that people like Toji, and Tsumiki left his life. Megumi is so careful with choosing his actions, because he’s so afraid that he’s the reason everyone else around him left him, and if he screws up he’ll lose other people again, or he’ll hurt people. It comes from Megumi genuinely being a soft guy towards almost everyone he meets, just like Yuji. 

The problem is, Kamo is the same.

Kamo is also someone coping really badly with circumstances just like Megumi is. However, when it comes to judge Kamo Megumi just ignores those circumstances. 

The difference between Kamo and Megumi is that one of them is good, or one of them is bad, they’re not better than the other, their fight even got interrupted and ended in a tie. They are both children.

The difference is their circumstances. Basically at this time, Kamo had already been placed as the next head of the Kamo clan, whereas Megumi was still being protected by Gojo. Megumi doesn’t stop to think about how their circumstances might be different, because he doesn’t think of circumstances at all he’s still hung up on good people vs. bad people. 

The reason that Kamo decided to turn against Yuji is that he was being pressured too, he thought he had to choose between doing the thing he thought would help his mother, or saving a random stranger. He made a bad choice, but people make bad choices in bad circumstances. 

The problem with Megumi’s reasoning is that he assumes because he’s deciding things based on his own conscience, that he’ll just somehow be stronger in those circumstances. Megumi assumes that he would still make the right choice, even if put into Kamo’s cricumstances. However, how would Megumi react if he was forced to choose between Yuji and Tsumiki. If he had to decide which one to save? 

Now, Megumi is being pushed into similiar circumstances that Kamo once faced. 

Tsumiki, who Megumi always held up as his gold standard of a good person might do something bad. Geto says he’s going to release all the new cursed energy users he created and make them fight, Tsumiki might hurt someone. 

Yuji, who also was what Megumi decided was a good person also has hurt a lot of people now. 

Yuji and Tsumiki are both victims of circumstance the same way Kamo was once. Yuji never wanted to do anything bad, his only intention the whole way was to save people. Yuji ended up hurting a lot of people in Tokyo. It wasn’t even his fault, but the undeniable reality is it’s still something that happened. 

This is why dividing people into good or bad doesn’t work, good people can still hurt other people, good people make mistakes, good people are capable of doing wrong. 

You could say that Yuji should have always known about the possibility that Sukuna would rampage, but it didn’t occur to him, that one he’d ever be in a situation where Gojo wouldn’t be around to stop him, and two he didn’t think he’d be fed ten or so fingers at once. It’s true Yuji wasn’t acting responsibly as Sukuna’s host, but Yuji is, just a kid. He’s like seventeen. There’s no way he can be held responsible in every single situation. 

If you wanted to be pedantic you could even go back and say that Kamo’s decision was the right one. That Megumi should have killed Yuji all along, because the threat was always there that Yuji might let Sukuna rampage and kill hundreds of people.

However, even that is missing the point. The point being that, Kamo, Yuji and Megumi are all just kids. It’s unreasonable to expect any of them to be well adjusted in these circumstances. By expecting these kids to act like rational adults in situations that most adults couldn’t handle, then blaming the kids for their reactions, all you’re ensuring really is that the kids pay for the adults mistakes. 

Now, Megumi is being put into the exact same position as Kamo. He’s a child, being forced to now act like the heir to the Zen’in clan because Gojo is no longer around to protect him. He’s going to become a piece to be manipulated by the adults around him. 

Megumi probably won’t do very well in this situation, because he’s just a kid. If anything that’s the strength of Jujutsu Kaisen as a manga. Characters don’t ever like heroically overcome circumstances with sheer willpower alone. Yuji isn’t acting heroic like now, he’s horrified by what Sukuna used his body to do, he doesn’t feel like he can go back home right now because his friends wouldn’t accept him anymore, and he would just hurt them. It’s almost etter to see Yuji falter with circumstances instead of heroically overcome them, because now Yuji feels like a real kid. He feels what any kid would feel in that situation, he struggles with it. 

Kamo and Megumi are the same, because they’re just kids. I wish Megumi would see that too, because he might learn to be more forgiving towards himself. It’s not his fault that Toji and Tsumiki left because he wasn’t good enough. 

The strange thing is Yuji thinks that Megumi might blame him for what happened in Tokyo and think he is a bad person now, but Megumi is much more likely to blame himself. He’ll think it was his choice to save Yuji that led to Sukuna rampaging and he has to bear all the respnosibility alone without Yuji. When the truth is it’s neither of their faults, because both Megumi and Yuji are just kids. 

[choerrypuffs]

my best friend wants to be abducted by aliens.

pairing: son of athena!renjun x daughter of aphrodite!reader

genre: fluff, angst

word count: 14.6k (this was supposed to be 5k 😌)

author’s note: hi so here is renjun’s chapter to my 00 line x camp half-blood series (i’m sorry, i know it took forever)! thank you so much for all of the support, and i hope you enjoy 💞

warning: one (1) makeout session

You are currently crouched behind a cluster of bushes, trying to get a glimpse of your targets through binoculars. 

Does that sound stalkerish? Perhaps. 

Are you actually a stalker? Debatable. 

However, no matter how suspicious it looks, your motive is pure—for the most part. 

You’re spying on Kang Daniel (son of Hermes) and Park Jihyo (daughter of Apollo), both of whom are at the Archery Range. Jihyo is showing Daniel how to shoot, encasing him with her arms as she nocks the arrow for him. The tips of his ears are so red that they could practically be a flare; you can see how flamboyant they are all the way from your hiding spot. 

You start grinning like a maniac, excited that your plan is finally unfolding. 

You had noticed how awful Daniel was at archery during a training session a couple weeks ago, and you casually suggested to him that he should ask Jihyo for some lessons. You’ve always known that Daniel has been hopelessly in love with Jihyo since the moment he saw her (it’s a child of Aphrodite thing—you can just sense it), but she’s been oblivious to it this entire time. 

Well, until now. 

Just as you guessed, sparks flew immediately. You could cut the sexual tension between them with a knife. You give them a couple more passionately-charged archery lessons before they inevitably surrender to their emotions and begin to date—and your predictions are never wrong. 

“Another job well done, Y/N,” you mumble proudly to yourself, “Mom would be so proud.”

“Excuse me, ma’am. I’m going to have to ask you to stop loitering by these bushes and stalking those two campers over there, or else I’ll have to report you to the camp director,” a sudden voice from behind you says. 

Letting out a loud yelp, you drop your binoculars in surprise and whip your head around to see who it is. You turn so fast that you almost fall backwards into said bushes, quickly using your palms to balance yourself. 

“Renjun, you asshole!” 

Huang Renjun, your long-time best friend and professional asshole, is standing in front of you. He’s wearing the iconic orange Camp Half-Blood t-shirt with black jeans, his hands tucked inside his pockets. His dark hair is parted to one side, with a single lock of hair falling perfectly into one eye, giving him the I-wake-up-and-my-hair-is-naturally-like-this look (even though it’s most definitely not true). No doubt that he’s the best-looking person in the entire camp, but his brusque personality makes him a rose with thorns. Sharp thorns.

You often wonder how the two of you even became as close as you are. Children of Athena and Aphrodite notoriously clash due to their mothers’ history with each other. 

You met Renjun four years ago at Arts and Crafts Center, which is a hotspot for children of Athena. It was your first time at the camp, and you wanted to try making a ceramic (maybe a bowl or vase) to bring back to your family as a souvenir. Of course, you failed miserably and got snickered at by other Athena kids. Renjun, who had been sitting beside you, was the only one who didn’t laugh. He even gruffly gave you some pointers. Grateful, you complimented his painting—a mix of pink, yellow, blue, and purple watercolors that meshed together to resemble a galaxy. In return, he gave it to you.

“It’s not my best work, so you can have it,” he had said nonchalantly.

Even though it was the most beautiful piece of art you’ve ever seen, and it’s remained one of your most prized possessions to this day. 

After that incident, you basically attached yourself at the hip with him. He would constantly complain about you following him around, but he also didn’t do anything to stop it. He’s been complaining for four, going on five, years now, yet he’s become your closest friend. Renjun likes act like you’re a pain in the ass (which isn’t untrue), but you know he cares about you. Even if he doesn’t verbalize it, you can tell by his actions; it’s all about the small things with him. Despite being rough around the edges, Huang Renjun is actually just a big softie on the inside. 

“—could you stop snooping around like a weirdo?” Renjun asks, cutting your trip down memory lane short.

You rise to your feet, dusting your palms off and glaring at him. “I’m not snooping around like a weirdo. I’m just snooping around on one of my projects, like a good matchmaker.”

“Sure,” he says, rolling his eyes. He leans down and picks up your binoculars, handing them to you. 

You take them and hang them around your neck. “Why are you here anyway?”

“Aren’t you the one who asked me to meet you at the Dining Pavilion for lunch?” He raises an eyebrow. 

“Oh, sorry! I lost track of time,” you exclaim. “How’d you find me?”

Renjun gives you a pointed look. “Well, seeing as how Daniel and Jihyo are your current quote-unquote project, all I had to do was figure out where they were because I knew you’d be somewhere close.”

You give him a sheepish smile. “You know me so well, Junnie.”

“The hell? Don’t call me that, it’s gross,” he snaps, pretending like he’s about to gag.

“You’re not cute at all,” you huff. 

“Neither are you,” he replies.

“You are so rude! You’ll never get a girlfriend with an attitude like that!” You place your hands on your hips.

“I’ll live,” he says, shrugging. 

You don’t know much about Renjun’s love life because he refuses to tell you anything; he’s like a stubborn clam that won’t open up. However, he’s made it very clear that he does not want your assistance when it comes to finding romance. Obviously, it hasn’t stopped you from trying, but this is one of the few things you can’t seem to make him give in to. 

Yet.

“Whatever,” you sigh. “Let’s go eat.”

The two of you walk to the Dining Pavilion, which is a relatively long walk from the Archery Range, but you make enough conversation that it feels short. When you arrive, you see that they’re serving chicken curry and rice. Your stomach growls embarrassingly loudly when the mouthwatering scent hits you, which prompts Renjun to laugh at you. You give him the middle finger and then turn around to grab a lunch tray. Once you get your food, you two sit at a table in the back. 

Before you begin to eat, you notice that your curry has chunks of potatoes and slices of carrots on it—you abhor carrots more than anything in this world. Noticing your disgusted expression, Renjun slides his plate over without even batting an eyelash, so you can pick out the carrot slices and give them to him. It’s a routine thing for the two of you, since you’re an extremely picky eater and he’s not.

After you take out all of the carrots, you begin to devour your food. You’re wolfing it down so fast that you’re basically asking to choke, in which you immediately do. A piece of chicken lodges itself in your throat, and you begin to cough violently. Renjun sighs, patting your back before handing you your cup of water. 

“I feel like I’m babysitting a toddler every time I eat with you,” he points out as you gulp down your water. 

“Thanks,” you say after you recover.

“For dislodging the food in your esophagus or calling you a toddler?” 

“Both!” you say cheerfully. 

Renjun shakes his head at you, but he’s smiling. You take advantage of his good mood by quickly reaching over and swiping a couple of grapes from the fruit bowl on his tray. He rolls his eyes when you pop them into your mouth and wink at him. 

“Um, Renjun?” A small, different voice cuts in. Both of you turn around to see who it is. 

Hwang Yeji, daughter of Iris and one of the most popular girls at the camp, is standing there. She’s fidgeting, and you can see pink dusting her cheeks. Her friends are at the table right behind her, giving her supportive looks. She smiles shyly at Renjun. 

“Can I help you?” Renjun asks, deadpanning. He isn’t rude per se, but it’s also not a friendly tone. 

Yeji slightly falters at his lackluster response. “Oh, um, I’m going to be performing at the amphitheater tonight...and I was wondering if you could come watch?”

“Why?” 

You know Renjun is asking because he’s genuinely baffled, but it doesn’t lessen your urge to want to slap him upside the head.

“N-No particular reason! O-Okay, bye!” Yeji turns on her heel and runs away. You watch her go back to her table, head hung low in defeat.

“What was that all about?” Renjun is still bewildered. 

No longer able to control yourself, you punch him in the arm. “You moron!”

“Ow! What the hell, Y/N?” he hisses, rubbing his arm.

“She invited you to watch her perform because she likes you!” you hiss. 

“What? No, she doesn’t.” He furrows his eyebrows. 

“Yes, she does! I should know of all people, you dingus. Even without powers, literally anyone else would be able to see that Yeji likes you!” You’re trying your best to keep your voice down, but he’s making it difficult for you. “You are the densest person on the planet!”

“Look who’s talking,” Renjun mutters underneath his breath. 

“I can’t believe you just blew her off like that,” you continue, not hearing what he said.

“How was I supposed to know she liked me? I’ve never even spoken to her,” he protests.

You stare at him in disbelief. “Couldn’t you tell by the context clues?” 

“What context clues?”

“Oh my gods,” you groan, covering your face with your hands.

“What do you want me to do then?” he asks tiredly. 

“Go to her performance tonight,” you say immediately, uncovering your face and whipping your head to look at him with a hopeful expression.

“I don’t really want to though. There’s no point in getting her hopes up if I don’t like her back,” Renjun states matter-of-factly.

“How do you not even have a little bit of interest in her? Look at her! She’s stunning!” You feel like your eyes are about to pop out of your head.

“I’m not saying she isn’t, but I just don’t feel anything special towards her,” he explains. 

“You’re actually insane,” you say incredulously. “There’s no way someone can look at Hwang Yeji and say they don’t feel anything special.”

“If you feel so strongly about it, you could date her,” he suggests.

“No, I’ve decided,” you cut him off, slamming your hand on the table with determination. “I’m going to find you a girlfriend.”

“I’ll have to respectfully decline your services,” he answers, sighing.

“Give me one week,” you plead, “all of my matches have worked out within a week. Please, Renjun? The worst thing that can happen is that you actually like someone and you two become a couple.” 

“And what if it doesn’t work out?” He tilts his head.

“Then, I’ll drop the girlfriend topic for good. I swear on River Styx. And I’ll also give up my title as Camp Half-Blood’s official matchmaker,” you promise.

“You gave yourself that title.”

“Shut up.”

“Why are you so adamant on finding me a girlfriend anyway?” he asks.

“Because you’re so set on not getting a girlfriend, and that drives me crazy. I want to know just who on this Earth can make you feel something special, if even Yeji can’t do it. I want to crack you, like a walnut,” you admit.

“Bad analogy.”

“Yeah, it sounded better in my head.”

Renjun falls quiet, and you can practically see the gears turning in his head as he weighs the pros and cons of your proposition. Athena kids think way too much and way too loudly; they need to let loose and follow their hearts more.

You sit in anticipation for just a little longer before you see the tension on his face begin to dissipate and his features begin to droop. It’s an expression you know well; he’s going to let you have your way, like he always does. 

He pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing. “You get five days. That’s it.”

You squeal loudly, launching yourself at him so you can envelop him in a big bear hug. He grunts as he catches you, saving the both of you from toppling backwards onto the floor. “You’re the best, Renjun!”

Even when he’s irritated or annoyed, Renjun never pushes you away when you hug him. He isn’t exactly the affectionate type, yet his embrace is always so warm and calming. His words may be cutthroat, but his actions are always gentle.

He circles his arms around your waist loosely as he sighs into your hair, seemingly waiting for you to pull back to face him before he says anything. When you do, he flicks you on the forehead instead.

Okay, so you take the his actions are always gentle part back.

“Ouch!” You shrug yourself out of his hold, rubbing the probably reddening spot on your forehead.

“Payback for punching me earlier,” Renjun says, crossing his arms. “But are you sure about this?”

“What do you mean?” 

“You have a perfect record when it comes to your matches. Plus, you’re losing two out of your usual seven days. Are you sure you want to risk breaking your streak?” he asks. 

“What makes you think it’ll get broken?” you shoot back.

“I don’t just think; I know it will,” he smirks arrogantly. “That’s why I’m asking.”

You feel your left eye twitch. Riled up by his cocky demeanor, you grab your cup and chug the rest of your water, wincing like you just downed a shot. Wiping your mouth, you point your finger at him.

“Huang Renjun, just you wait. I’ll make you fall in love so hard that you’ll forget your own name.”

ও DAY ONE.

The Athena Cabin is a marvel to you every time you enter it. Rather than a cabin, it’s a workshop and a library in one on the inside. There are beds pushed haphazardly against the walls, and if you didn’t know that this was the official Athena Cabin, you would’ve thought that the Athena children had simply just crashed at a random facility at the camp and decided to call it their place of residence. 

Renjun is still asleep, despite the commotion of his brothers and sisters running around in the library and/or constructing something in the workshop. His bed is located in the very back, hidden by a bookshelf that’s not frequented often. He’s curled up into a ball, with the blanket covering his head but you can still see tufts of his hair sticking out from under it. 

“Rise and shine!” you sing, lifting blanket off his face. 

His peaceful expression twists with discomfort as its exposed to light, and he immediately rips the pillow out from under his head and puts it over his face. He says something to you, but his words are muffled. You just assume it’s some sort of profanity. 

“Come on, Sleeping Beauty! We have business to attend to,” you say cheerfully, taking the pillow away and tossing it to the foot of his bed.

“And what exactly is this supposed business?” Renjun asks dryly, opening his eyes and squinting up at you. 

“We’re going to scout for potential candidates for you,” you answer as you grab his arm and pull him up. He reluctantly lets you, slumping forward like a limp puppet. 

“Isn’t that your job?” He raises an eyebrow, running a hand through his messy bedhead. Renjun always looks particularly adorable when he wakes up. His pajamas consist of a pair of basketball shorts and an extremely stretched-out t-shirt. The shirt is so big that it’s slipping off his shoulder, which makes him look like a little kid. His hair is sticking up in all sorts of directions, and you can’t help but grin at how cute it is. 

“Yes, but you’re a special case.” You talk to him like he’s five, running your hands through his hair and messing it up even more. Renjun scowls at you, but he sits there and lets you do it.

“Geez, who peed in your cornflakes?” you tease, seeing his stormy look. 

“You.”

“Okay, fine! I’ll wait for you outside, but don’t take too long to get ready,” you say, finally retracting your hands. “No more than thirty minutes or else I’m gonna come find you!” 

He gives you another nasty look, and you blow him a kiss before skipping away. As you head back to the entrance, you greet a couple of Athena kids who pass by. Normally, Aphrodite and Athena children stick their noses up in the air and ignore each other, but you’re such a frequent visitor that they have had no choice but to accept you. It also helps that Renjun is quite popular, so the campers that don’t like you are forced to tolerate you anyway because you’re his best friend. 

That’s another thing you don’t understand—why Renjun hangs out with you when everyone around him is practically foaming at the mouth at the prospect of being his friend (or something more). But for reasons unknown to you, he chooses to ice them out and spend time with you instead.

It’s not that you’re inherently unpopular or someone that would “tarnish” his reputation, but he could probably find someone that annoyed him less and didn’t cause as much trouble as you do. However, you’re glad that he’s choosing to stay by your side in spite of how crazy you can get, because you’re not really sure what you would do without him. 

Not that you would ever admit that because Renjun would roast you to high Olympus.  

As if on cue, you spot Renjun trudging toward you. True to your request, he got ready within thirty minutes. In fact, it only took him about fifteen. He doesn’t look very happy, but he’s always had a resting bitch face (though you’re pretty sure he’s just pissed at you right now).

Strangely, you’re a little embarrassed to see him. You’re not sure why you suddenly thought of your friendship with him and got all sappy. You’ve never really been good at handling the mushy-gushy stuff—only helping others find it.

“Let’s get this over with,” Renjun says begrudgingly when he reaches you, crossing his arms.

“Okay, well, first thing’s first,” you respond, trying to get back on track. You loop your arm through his, which prompts him to instantly uncross his own so you can cling onto his bicep. It’s such a natural action for you that you don’t even think about how quickly he accommodates you. “What’s your type?”

“Where are we going?” he asks, furrowing his eyebrows as he lets you lead him around.

“That depends on your answer to my question,” you reply breezily.

“Aren’t you supposed to be the one who figures that out? You know, with your whole Aphrodite-love-sense-tingle thing.” 

You ignore his dig at your ability. “Normally, yes. But seeing as you’re incapable of feeling any emotion other than bitterness, I have to directly ask you.” 

He laughs at your comeback. “I see. But even if I do tell you my type, what makes you think she will like me too?” 

“If she doesn’t, then just woo her with your irresistible charm,” you say sarcastically. 

“My irresistible charm has a tendency to make people hate my guts, actually,” Renjun says, shrugging. “Wouldn’t want that, would we?” 

“Renjun, you are fully capable of making a girl fall for you,” you chide, huffing at his negative attitude. “I’m not concerned with that. My main issue right now is finding someone that will make you care enough to want her to like you back.”

“You think so?” he asks quietly, looking down at where your hand is resting on his arm.

“Hm?” 

“I hope you’re right,” he says a little louder, dragging his gaze away from your hand and giving you a small smile. “About being capable.”

When Renjun looks into your eyes, you feel him for the first time. Your heart wrenches with his, like a knife was driven into it and something keeps twisting it. It’s an excruciating pain that makes your lungs want to cave in, a pain so unbearably sad that it makes you want to assume fetal position and bawl your eyes out, an exhausting pain that drains you of all your energy until you want to collapse, a pain that makes you hate yourself—but it’s a pain you never want to get rid of. It’s a pain that makes you happy. It’s a pain you’re willing to endure for...for...for what? 

But the pain only lasts for a moment, flashing by like lightning. As you try to reach deeper, it slips through your fingers. Just as suddenly as it hit you, it vanishes. What remains in its place is the metaphorical iron wall that you always seem to run into every time you try to look into Renjun’s heart.

You can already feel your body starting to forget the pain. It’s so fast that you begin questioning if you even truly felt it in the first place, or if it was all some fever dream. You could also be having a stroke, so there’s that.

All jokes aside, you’re not sure what you’re more surprised by: the fact that Renjun has been feeling like this or how well he’s managed to hide it. 

And you’re not sure what you’re more hurt by: the fact that Renjun didn’t tell you or if you’re the one he’s trying to hide it from.

“—hello? Y/N? Earth to Y/N?” Renjun waves his hand in front of your face. 

You jolt, blinking several times as you detach yourself from your whirlwind of thoughts. “S-Sorry! What were you saying?”

“What’s wrong?” he asks, brows furrowing in concern. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” 

“Ghosts don’t exist,” you retort automatically.

“Yes, they do! How many times have I told you there’s no way that my glass bottle could’ve fallen from my bed without shattering, yet it was underneath my bed, completely and totally unsc—” He begins to protest. 

You cut him off by wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in for a hug. Thankfully, Renjun stops rambling about his ghost story that you’ve heard about a million times and trails off. His hands slowly come to rest on the small of your back, giving you soothing pats. It makes you sad that he’s always ready to comfort you when he’s the one that needs it. Your vision gets blurry with tears, but you hurriedly blink them away.

“How can you be so smart yet so dumb?” you whisper into his shoulder, clutching him tighter.

“You know, you’re sending me mixed signals here,” he says wryly. 

You hug him for a couple more seconds before pulling back. Reaching your hands up, you cup his face. Unfortunately, you do it a little too enthusiastically and basically slap both of his cheeks. “Shit! I’m so sorry, Renjun!” 

“Ow! What is wrong with you?” he demands, wincing. His lips are adorably jutted out and his words probably aren’t as angry as he wants them to be because you’re squishing his cheeks way too hard. 

“I just wanted to tell you that I will definitely find you a girlfriend. No matter what,” you declare with determination in your eyes.

Because I don’t want you to be in pain anymore. Because you deserve to be happy. Because you should have someone to lean on too, you want to say.

Renjun is staring at you like you’ve grown another head. “Y/N, you’re scaring me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” you dismiss. “Now, hurry up and tell me your ideal type.”

“Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” 

“Oh my gods, I’m fine. Stop with all the questions and just answer me!” you say, placing your hands on your hips.

“I think I’m starting to reconsider my ideal type right now,” he replies, eyeing you suspiciously. 

You sigh loudly. “Could you tell me one character trait that you would like in a girlfriend? Just one. Pretty please with a cherry on top?”

He snorts, and you begin to grow frustrated. “Renjun—”

“Stubborn,” he answers. 

You raise an eyebrow. “Of all the things you could’ve chosen, you went with that?”

“I finally answer your question and now you’re shaming me for it?” he shoots back. 

You put your hands up in mock surrender. “Okay, okay, sorry. Anything else you can think of?”

“Unpredictable. Hotheaded. Infuriating. Nosy. Reckless. Unable to take anything seriously. No concept of personal space,” he lists them off like he’s has it memorized.

“These are all terrible traits,” you point out, frowning. 

“Tell me about it.”

“Stop messing around,” you snap, giving him a small shove. “Some positive ones, please.”

Renjun pauses. “This might take a second.”

You give him a pointed look, crossing your arms and tapping your foot impatiently. At this point, you’re not even sure if he’s just joking or if he actually means it. However, it’s the only thing you’ve gotten out of him so far, so you have to work with it. 

“Dedicated,” he finally says after some intense pondering.

You exhale in relief. “Thank gods. What else?”

“Kind. Cheerful. Carefree. Funny. Always makes me smile. Marches to her own beat. An open book when it comes to her feelings. Says whatever is on her mind without thinking twice. Gets excited about things that don’t matter. Has a wonderful laugh. Able to see the good in me, even though I’m an asshole—”

As he continues, you eventually stop paying attention to his words and watch his expression. All of his features have softened, and there’s a warmth in his eyes that you’ve never seen before. He has the gentlest smile on his face as he talks, but you’re not even sure that he’s aware of it. 

You wouldn’t be a child of Aphrodite if you couldn’t recognize a boy in love, and Renjun certainly fits the bill. 

Suddenly, you feel an ugly sensation twisting in the pit of your stomach, coiling like a poisonous snake. It’s an awful feeling, and it makes you ashamed because it resembles jealousy way too closely for your comfort. You hate feeling like this, but you don’t know how to stop it. In fact, you don’t even know why you’re feeling this way. It’s foreign to you, but you know it’s not coming from Renjun. This is all coming from inside you.

“Stunning in every way,” Renjun finishes quietly. His voice is barely a whisper, but you can hear it clearly, as if it’s right in your ear. 

Digging your nails into your palms, you let out a low whistle. “That was very...specific.”

“Afraid of a challenge?” he counters, smirking. 

His banter makes you grin. It’s almost enough to make you forget the feeling in your stomach. You wonder why you keep getting worked up by yourself. Maybe the summer heat is getting to you, and you really are on the verge of having a stroke. 

“It’s like you don’t even know me,” you retort dramatically, clinging onto his arm again. “Alright, let’s go!” 

“Where?” 

“The Training Grounds!” 

“Why there?” His nose crinkles. 

“Your ideal type is as Ares kid as it can get,” you say, snorting. “So, obviously, we’re going to their turf.” 

“Ares children are obnoxious and arrogant,” Renjun scoffs. 

“And you’re a smartass, so it’ll be fine,” you say breezily. 

He rolls his eyes, muttering under his breath. 

“You’re such a drama queen. Besides, it won’t be only Ares kids there,” you point out.

He shrugs in a noncommittal manner but ultimately lets you lead him to the Training Grounds. When you arrive, as expected, it’s mainly Ares kids there. For people who aren’t used to it, the Training Grounds could be mistaken for a battle royale, judging by how vicious it can get at times. Even though it’s just a bunch of sweaty young adults angrily swinging swords at dummies and each other. 

Stroking your chin, you begin to scan the area. It’s only when your eyes fall onto Park Sooyoung, the daughter of Ares that’s infamous for making men cower to their knees, that the lightbulb goes off in your head. 

“What about Sooyoung?” you ask excitedly, tugging on Renjun’s shirt. 

He frowns. “She hates me.”

“You don’t know that,” you say.

“She tried to throw a dagger at my head once,” he states flatly. 

“She does that to everyone,” you dismiss. “I think you two would work well together.”

“Please, enlighten me.” 

“She could be the brawn to your brain. She’s super rambunctious, while you’re more reserved and can keep her in check. But she’ll be able to teach you how to live a little, and you’ll just perfectly balance each other out. You know, that whole opposites attract and enemies to lovers trope,” you explain. 

“Enemies to lovers?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Yes,” you say dreamily, “You two start off absolutely despising each other, but neither of you can fight the tension building and eventually just get entangled in the throes of your passion!”

“Okay, Fifty Shades of Grey, calm down,” Renjun says, scrunching up his features in disgust. “Stop writing fanfiction in your head and come back to the real world.”

You glare at him for killing your vibe. “Just go and try to talk to her.”

“I don’t want to be mauled.” There’s actually a small glimmer of fear in his eyes. 

“Don’t be ridiculous. She’s not gonna kill you. At least not in front of everyone like this,” you reassure him. 

“So you’re admitting that there is a possibility she would kill me.”

Fed up, you snatch his wrist and begin dragging him. He makes noises of protest, but you keep a vice-like grip on him. Sooyoung is sparring with some of her brothers (and frankly, handing their asses to them). You’re envious of how beautiful she is even with sweat dripping from her chin and tendrils of hair stuck to her neck. Her face is flushed with effort, but it makes her look like a peach. 

However, don’t ever judge a book by its cover because she proceeds to lift one of her brothers, as if she’s bench pressing him, and tosses him aside like a rag doll. He comes flying directly toward you, but Renjun wraps an arm around your shoulders and yanks you aside with his surprisingly quick reflexes. Sooyoung’s brother lands with a hard thud, right beside your feet.

Renjun holds you tightly against him as he scowls at Sooyoung, who is smirking at him. Your heart is pounding wildly, though you’re not sure if it’s from the adrenaline rush of one of Sooyoung’s brothers hurling towards you like a projectile or the way Renjun is cradling you to him.

“Are you out of your mind?” Renjun demands, livid. 

“Sorry about that,” Sooyoung says, trying to hide her amusement. 

“No, you’re not. You did it on purpose,” Renjun snaps. 

“Remove head from ass, Huang. If I didn’t think you’d be able to get her out of the way in time, I wouldn’t have done it,” Sooyoung responds, sounding bored.

“What if I hadn’t? Your tank of a brother would’ve knocked Y/N out,” Renjun says angrily, gritting his teeth. “And trust me, she doesn’t need any more screws loose than she already has.”

“Hey!” you chime in, offended. His arm falls from your shoulders and back to his side when you give him a dirty look. He seems a little surprised, whether the reason be from your sudden protest or how long his arm’s been around you. 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Sooyoung says, rolling her eyes. “Anyways, what do you want? You’re here to see me, right?” 

Renjun opens his mouth to say something, but you slap a hand over his mouth. “Renjun thinks you’re really pretty and wants to train with you.”

Perhaps you could have delivered it in a smoother manner.

“Mm?” He stares at you with wide, horrified eyes. He’s trying to speak, but it’s all muffled by your palm. 

Sooyoung snorts, crossing her arms and tilting her head. “Does he now?” 

“Yes. He’s just too shy to admit it,” you lie through your teeth. 

“Mhm, I’m sure he is,” she laughs. “What’s the actual reason you’re here?”

“Whatever are you talking about? That is the reason,” you answer sweetly. “So, what do you say? Wanna spar him?”

“Mmmmmm!” Renjun has you by the wrist, trying to remove your hand from his mouth, but you won’t budge. 

“You must think I was born yesterday,” Sooyoung sighs. “You’re trying to set us up together, right? Glad to see you’re sticking to your whole matchmaking schtick.”

“Maybe,” you admit sheepishly. “Also, it is not a schtick! I have a natural affinity for finding people that are compatible with each other, like all Aphrodite children, and it is my duty to use that ability in order to help others.”

Despite how proud you look, Sooyoung and Renjun exchange knowing glances, and she reaches forward and gives him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. “Stray strong, soldier.”

“Mm,” he responds, sounding tired.

You watch the interaction with a baffled expression. Neither one of them seems intent on providing any context for you. You’re hit with another pang of jealousy. 

“While it would be my utmost honor to be Renjun’s girlfriend, I will have to decline. Firstly, because I would definitely murder him by our third date tops. And secondly, because I already have a girlfriend,” Sooyoung says nonchalantly. 

Your hand goes limp and falls off of Renjun’s mouth, finally freeing him. Your jaw is hanging wide open, a direct invitation for flies. The both of you just stand there and gawk at her. 

“What?” you exclaim, grabbing her by the shoulders. “You have a girlfriend?”

Most Aphrodite kids are just naturally aware of all the couples at Camp Half-Blood whenever they see them, but you make it a point to keep tabs on them so you can avoid incidents like this while you’re trying to find matches for others. Clearly, you’ve missed one. 

“Ye—”

“Who is it?” you demand, resisting the urge to shake her until her bones rattle. “How could I not know about it?”

“Well, that was the goal,” Sooyoung explains, “we want it to be a secret.”

You’re gripping her so tightly that the tips of your fingers have turned white, though you’re sure it doesn’t bother her since she’s pure muscle. You want to know who it is so badly, but you respect her privacy, so you decide to let it go. Even if you really don’t want to.

“I understand,” you say solemnly, begrudgingly releasing her. Your body is slightly twitchy as you fight to control your need to snoop. 

“You look like you’re about to pass out,” Renjun cuts in, half-joking and half-concerned. 

“Today has not gone well for me,” you sigh, spirit crushed by the sudden news and exhausted because of your weird mood swings that have been happening. “I’m hot, and I just want a nice, cold shower, followed by some nice, cold ice cream, and then followed by a nice, warm nap. We’ll try this again tomorrow.” 

“Want me to walk you back to your cabin?” Renjun asks. 

You nod, shoulders slumped in defeat. “Sorry to bother you, Sooyoung.”

“No problem. You’ll get ‘em next time,” Sooyoung says, trying to sound encouraging. 

As you turn to pitifully walk away, you notice Sooyoung and Renjun exchange another look in your peripheral. She gives him a thumbs up and he smiles wryly before he also turns to follow you.

It’s just the icing on the cake for your awful day. 

The walk back to your cabin is pretty quiet; Renjun sensing your foul mood and making the wise decision of letting you pout all by your lonesome (not that he’s much of a chatterbox anyway). You’re looking down at your feet as you walk, and he kindly navigates you through crowds and moves you out of the way when campers run by. This is something Renjun does often, since you have a tendency to not pay much attention to your surroundings on a regular basis, so you don’t even think twice about it. 

When you finally arrive, Renjun gives you a comforting pat on the back. “See you tomorrow. I’ll meet you here. Do not barge into my cabin and give me another rude awakening like you did today.”

You give him a strained smile and wink. “No promises.”

Of course, your act doesn’t fool him. He sighs. “Did it really bother you that much that Sooyoung managed to hide her relationship from you? It’s not like you to be so down after one failure.”

Honestly, that’s the least of your concerns right now. Did it hurt your pride? Yes, but you’ve recovered from a wounded pride countless times. 

What bothers you the most right now is the vile jealousy that you’ve stored in your heart. How shitty you felt when he was describing his ideal type (and how absolutely lovestruck he looked), or how bitter you were when you saw that Sooyoung and Renjun were in on something you weren’t. It eats away at you, seemingly within moments, before you even know what’s happening. But why? Where is it all coming from?

This is Renjun you’re talking about. Renjun, your best friend. Renjun, the one who’s always there for you. Renjun, the closest person to you other than your bloodline. 

Or so you thought. 

The pain that you felt from him earlier still haunts you, even if it’s faint. You’ve always seen Renjun as someone you can confide in, no matter what, yet it doesn’t appear like he feels the same towards you. In fact, an irrational part of you thinks you may be the one he’s trying to keep it from. 

And the paranoid part of you thinks Sooyoung knows about it too.

You know it’s horrible to think that, but you can’t control it. Renjun isn’t required to tell you everything he feels just because you do, not that it doesn’t hurt any less. It just bugs you that there could be someone closer to him than even you, which is an incredibly toxic mindset to have. You’re upset by the fact that you’re so possessive of him, yet you can’t seem to let him go either. 

I guess it’s alright if it’s Sooyoung, you admit to yourself, since she has a girlfriend.

You blink.

Wait, what? 

Before you can figure out what the hell your brain meant by that, you feel Renjun place his hand on your forehead. It jars you from your thoughts and you come back to reality, where Renjun is staring at you with furrowed brows as he checks your temperature. 

“Are you sure you’re feeling alright? You’ve been spacing out all day,” he says, clearly worried.

“F-Fine!” you answer way too enthusiastically. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

“Don’t worry about it,” he dismisses. “Just go get some rest.”

“Aye, aye, captain,” you nod hurriedly, giving him a two-finger salute. “I’ll see you tomorrow, bright and early! Don’t oversleep!” 

“Yeah, yeah,” he waves you off, smiling. You can tell he’s still concerned, but your brighter attitude relieves him just a tad. “Oh, and Y/N?” 

“Mhm?”

“I forgot to mention one more trait for my ideal type.”

“What is it?” You wish you had never asked him in the first place. Just when your mood was getting a little better, it sours just as quickly. 

“Dense,” he adds. 

You give him a puzzled look. “Huh?”

“I want her to be dense,” he states simply. 

“No way,” you argue, when his words finally register. “How is it gonna work out if both of you are dense as hell?”

“Who knows? Maybe our denseness will cancel each other out, and we’ll fall in love instantly,” he shrugs.

“Of course. PEMDAS and shit,” you jokingly agree.

“Exactly,” he says, nodding with a deadpan expression. 

You laugh loudly—a big belly laugh that makes Renjun beam. The tension eases off his features, and he seems much more reassured. Your heart swells at how hard he’s trying to make sure you’re okay, not that he would ever admit that.

“Okay, for real now. Bye, Y/N.” He gives you a lazy wave before walking away, shattering your touching moment. 

You huff at how he turned around without even letting you respond, though you still wave back (even if he can’t see it), and go back into your cabin. The moment the door closes behind you, you make a beeline for the shower. Peeling off your sweat-soaked clothes, you close your eyes in bliss when the cold water hits you. 

As you let the water run down your body, you begin to feel more and more like a petulant child that just threw the biggest tantrum ever. You’re embarrassed that you overreacted like that and got so emotional for no reason. You chide yourself for being selfish. Just because you’re upset that Renjun doesn’t confide in you the way you do him, it doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t have someone. You should be happy for him when he finds a person he can fully open up to, even more so than you. Isn’t that what you’re trying to do for him right now? 

You shut the water off before slapping your cheeks hard, giving yourself a wake up call. Resolving to be more composed tomorrow, you decide to just take a nap for now as you change into comfortable clothes and dry your hair off. 

When you get to your bed, you see a small bowl of ice cream on your nightstand. Luckily, your shower didn’t take too long, so it’s still relatively frozen. It’s two scoops of chocolate, which is your favorite. You’re so excited that you almost miss the note tucked underneath the bowl. 

don’t know when you’re going to get out of the shower, so this might just be soup by the time you’re out. if that’s the case, drink it anyways since i went through the trouble of getting it. 

You snort. It’s so like Renjun to write a tactless note like this and not even bother signing off on it. If he’s going to be sweet, he shouldn’t ruin the moment by doing what he always does—opening his mouth (figuratively, in this case). 

But it’s not enough to wipe that big grin off your face, as you carefully fold up the note and put it in your drawer. 

He’s not cute at all.

ও DAY TWO.

The next day is about as successful as the first one, if not worse.

You had woken up with a game plan. Before you went to meet Renjun, you drafted up a list of campers that matched his ideal type (for the most part, since he was a little too specific). The goal was to narrow it down to a couple names before trying to march in head first, since that went disastrously yesterday. 

Unfortunately, instead of things going smoothly like you had hoped, you find yourself banging your head against a tabletop repeatedly.

You and Renjun are currently sitting in the library of the Athena Cabin, having been there for almost an hour now. He’s nearly eliminated your entire list that you so meticulously curated this morning. You’re starting to wonder if he’s purposefully being difficult just to see you riled up.

Renjun watches you hit your head a couple more times before outstretching his hand, catching your forehead in his palm and blocking you from hitting it against the table again. “Stop before you bleed all over the table, and I get stuck scrubbing it out later.”

You raise your head to glare at him. “I’ll show you bleeding all over the table.”

He doesn’t even blink at your threat, infuriatingly unfazed. “Are you done with your list already?”

“No,” you grumble, “I still have some left.”

“So, if I’m not interested in the rest, does that mean we’re done for the day?” he asks.

“Haha,” you say wryly, “you wish. If you don’t pick one, then I’ll just go through the list myself and pick one that I think is the most compatible with you.”

“Damn it.”

“Okay, what about Hyun Seunghee? She’s an Apollo kid. Super talented and sweet, one of the most adorable people on the planet, and loves art just like you,” you suggest.

“Seunghee is a very sweet girl,” Renjun agrees. “But I don’t think I have the energy to keep up with her. She’s even bubblier and more hyperactive than you, and I can barely manage dealing with you.” 

Sighing, you cross out Seunghee’s name on your list while simultaneously flipping off Renjun with your other hand. “Okay, what about Lee Mijoo? She’s one of my sisters, and honestly, she’s way out of your league but I’ll keep her in the running for now.” 

You figure it’s best to not mention that, despite being way out of his league, Mijoo has expressed some very...explicit interest in Renjun before. It’ll make things awkward if they do end up talking, and you aren’t one to expose your own sister like that.

“Ew, no way, that’s weird,” Renjun says, scrunching up his nose.

“What, why?”

“I don’t want to date anyone related to you. That would make us sort of related too, and the last thing I want is to be your brother.” He spits out the word like it’s a stale piece of gum that he’s been chewing for four hours.

“First of all, slow down, tiger. You would have to marry her for us to be related. This is just a casual thing. No one said anything about marriage. Second of all, that is so mean! Why wouldn’t you want to be in-laws with me?” you demand, offended.

“Don’t most people enter relationships with the intention of spending the rest of their lives with each other?” he asks, skillfully dodging your question. “I won’t date someone if I think we’re just going to breakup down the road.”

There’s a beat of silence as you stare at him with wonder. Your lips curl into a gentle smile, and you can’t hide the adoration in your expression. Renjun truly is all bark and no bite. Who would’ve guessed there’s such a lovely and pure person behind his sharp tongue?

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks warily. You swear you can see a little pink dusting the shells of his ears and the tip of his nose.

“It’s just...you’re much more of a hopeless romantic than I initially thought, Huang Renjun,” you say teasingly. 

Now, you can definitely tell he’s embarrassed. He mumbles a “shut up” under his breath, but you can barely hear it.

“Don’t put so much pressure on yourself,” you advise, “it’s totally natural to date and breakup. You can love someone with all of your heart, but that doesn’t mean they’ll be your life partner. Loosen up, my friend, and just have fun! Fall in love recklessly, and don’t think about anything else! That’s what youth is all about!”

You expect him to make fun of you for lecturing him like you’re centuries old, when the both of you can barely label yourselves as adults, but he doesn’t. 

Instead, he’s gazing at you with a deep melancholy in his eyes. You’re sitting right across from him, but the way he looks at you makes it seem like you’re galaxies away. Your gut wrenches at how hurt and helpless he seems, like he’s yearning for something that is out of his reach. 

Time seems to slow down as the two of you stare into each other’s eyes, as if you’re both entranced. It’s hard to tell how long you stay like that, but it feels like you’ve woken up in the middle of a sweet dream when Renjun finally breaks eye contact. You’re slightly disoriented, even though it’s probably only been a few seconds.

Clearing his throat, Renjun mutters, “Anyways, don’t put anymore of your siblings on the list.”

You take a moment to gather your thoughts before sighing. “Fine. But now I’ve run out of names on my list.”

“Well, gosh darn it, what a shame,” he says in a terrible Southern accent while attempting to get up. “Look’s like that’s a wrap for today!” 

“Not so fast,” you cut in, snapping your fingers at him to sit back down. “We’re not done yet.” 

He groans but reluctantly obeys, dramatically throwing his head into his arms when he does.

“Behave while I go through this list again,” you order, putting stars next to names that you’re going to force Renjun to reconsider with. 

“Now, you’re making me want to hit my head against the table,” he complains, voice muffled by his arms.

You ignore his whining, focusing on your current task at hand. Just as you finish narrowing it down to a select few, someone brushes past you and it’s like you hear angels singing. Seo Soojin, daughter of Nemesis and actual hotness personified, walks by. 

Soojin is relatively new to Camp Half-Blood, having arrived for the first time last year. You don’t know much about her personality because she keeps to herself and her tight-knit circle of friends for the most part. You know for a fact that she’s a far cry from Renjun’s type, but you’re starting to think he doesn’t really know what he wants—seeing that he shot down every single person on your list already. She will be a nice change of pace for him.

“What about Soojin?” you ask in a hushed whisper, leaning forward. 

“Who?” Renjun looks around, not lowering his voice or trying to be subtle in the slightest.

“Shhh!” you hiss, grabbing him by his shirt and yanking him forward. You pull a little too hard and end up knocking your foreheads together. 

“Ow! Why is your head made out of cast iron?” Renjun winces. He tries to lean back, but you don’t let him escape. 

“Shut up! You’re the blockhead, asshole,” you protest, getting offended for the second time. “Anyways, Seo Soojin. The girl over there. The one with the bangs, big lips, and is hot as fuck?” 

He squints, finally zeroing in on her. “What about her?”

“That’s what I’m asking you, dipshit!” 

Renjun shrugs noncommittally—an action that you’ve grown extremely accustomed to during these past two days, an action that makes you want to rip your own hair out. “She seems nice.” 

“Well, try and talk to her then,” you say, spelling it out for him. “You know, so you can see if the two of you will hit it off or not.”

He gives you a look. It’s the same look that a twelve-year-old kid gives his mother when she makes him take a picture in front of a national monument that he doesn’t know anything about, nor does he care to. However, she insists, so he reluctantly trudges over to it and takes the picture—hands firmly balled up by his sides and his lips pressed into a hard line, no matter how much his mom tells him to smile.

So, in other words, Renjun looks like he wants to crawl into a hole and die.

“Are you sure that you’re human?” you ask incredulously. You’re not even being sarcastic at this point; you genuinely want to know how he is able to feel absolutely nothing for women that could rival the goddesses themselves.

“Technically—”

“If you say that you’re only half-human because we’re demigods, you’re going to get a pen through the jugular,” you warn, pointing your pen at him. 

“Am I wrong, though?” 

“You know what I mean, you smartass. Are you or are you not capable of feeling romantic attraction towards another person?” you demand.

“I am,” he simply says.

“That’s it? That was the most robotic answer I’ve ever heard in my life!” you exclaim. 

“What else am I supposed to say?” he asks, throwing his arms up. 

“Have you experienced any blackouts recently, like woken up without memory of the past twenty-four hours? Have you checked your body for any chip implants under your skin?” You eye him suspiciously. “Been beamed up by any UFOs? Gone somewhere haunted?” 

Renjun gives you a pointed look, sighing. “While it is touching to know that you do, in fact, listen to me whenever I talk about topics I’m interested in, this is not how I wanted you to apply your knowledge.”

“You know, now that I think about it, you sure talked about alien abductions a lot,” you say, stroking a fake beard on your chin. “Could it be because you were actually abducted by aliens and got brainwashed into gathering information about us demigods, but they took away your ability to feel emotions so they wouldn’t get in the way of your mission?” 

You pause, waiting for his reaction. Renjun is very obviously trying not to smile, with his chin being propped up by his palm and his fingers covering his mouth. “Please, continue.” 

“But ultimately, that will be your fatal flaw and the downfall of your mission because you can’t empathize like humans can,” you finish dramatically. 

“Alright, let’s say I was brainwashed by aliens. Why would I then draw more attention to myself by talking about the very thing that happened to me? Wouldn’t that be counterproductive?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Reverse psychology,” you explain, “you talk about them, so you won’t seem suspicious.” 

Renjun exhales sharply before looking down at his feet. You can see his lips twitching as he tries not to laugh, though you’re pretty sure that exhale from before was a small laugh. You’re grinning, despite the fact that you’re also trying to keep up your detective act.

“I’m kind of wish I had been abducted by aliens right about now. Maybe brainwashed me would be a little more courageous,” he mutters under his breath. You’re not sure if you were meant to hear that, but you do anyways. 

“That sounds exactly like something someone abducted by an alien would say!” you say in an accusatory tone, pointing a finger at him. He rolls his eyes, but a tiny smile eventually makes its way to his lips. 

You gasp loudly, grabbing his face and pulling it towards your own. He makes a small noise of surprise, eyes as wide as UFO saucers. Your faces are so close that your noses are slightly brushing up against one another, but you’re not paying attention to that right now. 

“Or you could be a lizard person,” you whisper, “you know, the ones that people think take the place of government officials.”

“They’re called reptilian humanoids,” Renjun corrects. His breath (which smells like the blueberry muffin he had this morning) rustles your baby hairs. 

“Your eyes are glowing yellow, and your pupils are turning into slits,” you tease.

“Are they, now?” 

No, they aren’t. His eyes are a cool, icy gray, like most Athena children. It’s always been a trait you’ve been jealous of. They sparkle like stars, or freshly fallen snow. They change according to his mood too. For example, when he gets angry, there are no stars. Instead of twinkling, they flash like lightning. His eyes are truly the window to his soul; they’re one of your favorite things about him.

Renjun slightly leans into your touch, and it finally hits you how close he is. You’re cupping his face with both hands, tilting his chin up, and it looks like you’re about to...kiss him.

 It seems you’re not the only one who thinks so, because almost the entire library is gawking at you. Including Seo Soojin. She looks surprised, and slightly disgusted, by the two of you.

Oh.

You feel heat rise from your neck to your entire face.

Oh gods, they all think we’re a couple.

You recoil away from him, withdrawing your hands like your just burned yourself. “We have to get out of here.”

“What?” As always, Renjun doesn’t know what’s going on.

“Just come on,” you say quickly, grabbing his arm and dragging him out of the library. 

Your face burns for a long time after that, and you can no longer focus on anything else. In the end, you decide to call it a day after a few more half-hearted attempts to find more candidates for Renjun. When you come back to your cabin, you take another cold shower. 

You’re not sure what you’re so flustered by: the fact that you didn’t realize what you were doing or the fact that everyone in the library saw it.

Or the fact that you didn’t mind the notion of being mistaken for a couple with Renjun.

ও DAY THREE.

You don’t meet bright and early with Renjun today. He demanded to sleep in this time, since he’s not an early riser to begin with and the past two days have sucked all the energy out of him. 

Which means you’re free until noon. You check the time—10 AM. 

Two hours to kill. 

You don’t feel like getting all sweaty and hot, so any activity outside is out. You really don’t want to be judged by more Athena kids in the Arts and Crafts Center without Renjun. So, you decide to head back to the library, despite how yesterday went.

You check out a book that goes into depth about some of the most believable conspiracy theories; Renjun actually read it a while ago (and totally geeked out about it to you), but who would have thought that you would end up reading it too? Past you definitely would’ve laughed in your face if you told her that. 

Once you get back to your cabin, you curl up in your covers and begin to read. You get about two chapters in when you hear the door open and Jeong Jaehyun, one of your brothers, walks in. He’s wearing his orange t-shirt that’s soaked with sweat, and his hair is dripping from perspiration too. His pale skin glistens, and he looks like a sweaty and sparkly vampire. 

“Hey, kid,” Jaehyun says, nodding at you. He isn’t that much older than you, but he’s gotten into the habit of calling you kid for some reason.

“This is a surprise. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you come back from training before 5 PM,” you tease.

He lets out a low whistle. “Way too hot out there. I needed to get some A/C before I had a heatstroke—is that a book in your hand?”

“What about it?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.

Jaehyun snorts. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you near a book, much less read one.”

“Rude. I am expanding my horizons,” you retort. 

“It seems so. What was up with you and Renjun at the library yesterday?” Jaehyun plops down on the edge of your bed. 

“How do you even know about that?” you ask, wrinkling your nose. “And go take a shower first before you sit on my bed! You stink!” 

“Do I?” He waggles his eyebrows and throws his arms around you in a bear hug. You try your best to shove him off, but he has a hold on your like a python. 

“I hate you,” you say when he finally pulls back, sniffing your shirt to make sure you still smelled like your fabric softener. “Anyways, how’d you find out about the library thing?”

“Rumors spread fast around here, dear sister. But, seriously, what’s the deal?”

“There is no deal, Jaehyun,” you sigh, closing your book. “It’s all just a misunderstanding. We were joking around while I was trying to find a potential girlfriend for him there—which, by the way, is going horribly. I don’t think he feels romantic attraction properly like everybody else.”

“Oh right. I forgot you roped Renjun into your matchmaking thing,” Jaehyun says, disappointed. “Damn, and here I thought he finally made a move.”

Your head snaps up to give him a quizzical look. “What?”

“What?” He tilts his head.

“What did you mean by that, the part where you said you thought Renjun finally made a move?” you ask. 

Jaehyun stares at you for a couple of seconds, an astonished expression on his face. “Do you really not know?” 

“Would I be asking if I didn’t know?” you shoot back, annoyed that he still hasn’t answered you. 

“Gods, all this time, I thought you were just pretending like you didn’t know because you didn’t want to make things awkward,” he continues, shaking his head.

“Jaehyun, what are you talking about?” you demand.

“Renjun is in love with you, Y/N.”

You gape at him. It’s a good thing you’re already sitting down because you definitely would have fallen on your ass if you had been standing.

“Th-Th-That’s impossible,” you stammer, like an absolute idiot. “There’s n-n-no way.”

“Oh, come on, lil’ sis. He’s never even tried to hide it. He’s so obvious about it that I seriously don’t understand how you didn’t know,” Jaehyun snorts. “You don’t even need to have powers to see that he’s head over heels for you.”

“But—but how? I would’ve sensed it!” you exclaim.

“You’re so sharp when it comes to other people, but you’re dense as hell when it comes to yourself,” Jaehyun points out, shrugging. “You just never paid attention, Y/N.”

You don’t respond. Your mind is a mess, a jumbled mishmash of emotions. You’re feeling so many things right now, and you can’t pinpoint any of it.. You wouldn’t be surprised if you passed out.

“Do you like him back?” Jaehyun asks softly. 

“I—no! Of course not. Renjun’s my best friend. If I liked him, why would I be trying to find him a girlfriend right now? That’d be stupid of me. Yeah, that’d be so dumb. Why would I do that?” You’re rambling now, and it’s glaringly obvious that you’re trying to convince yourself rather than Jaehyun (and you know he can see it too).

“It doesn’t seem like you’re trying that hard, though.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” you ask defensively. 

“The Y/N I know spends all hours of the day gathering information on her potential matches and making sure even the tiniest detail goes according to her master plan that she’s already drafted inside her head. She wouldn’t be sitting here, leisurely reading a book, especially if it’s going horribly. She would be doing everything in her power to get things back on track,” Jaehyun notes. “Ask yourself. Do you really want Renjun to get a girlfriend?” 

“Wh-Why wouldn’t I?” You ask him, hoping he knows the answer, because you sure as hell don’t know. 

“Because he won’t always be there anymore. He won’t have time to let you constantly drag him into your antics anymore. You won’t be his number one anymore. His girlfriend will be his first priority, of course, as she should. Think long and hard about that, Y/N. Will you be okay with that?”

“I—” The words seem to die inside your throat as you come to realization that you might not be okay with that at all. You’ve always gone to Renjun for everything and knowing that he may not always be there makes you feel lost, like a compass without it’s True North. You’re being selfish again, but it seems like you’ve gotten into the habit of acting selfish whenever it comes to Renjun. You’ve let yourself grow too reliant on him. 

“Why do you care so much anyways?” Now, you’re deflecting. “Why did you tell me all of this?”

“Because you’re my little sister and I care about you. I want you to be one hundred percent sure of your own feelings, so your heart doesn’t get broken. The only reason I didn’t say anything sooner was because I thought you were already sure. Take some time and think about it, Y/N. It’ll be better for your friendship with Renjun if everything is crystal clear between the two of you,” Jaehyun advises, giving you a pat on the shoulder. He gets up, presumably to take a shower, and leaves.

You barely notice him go.

You sit in your bed, staring blankly at the wall, until Renjun finally arrives. He’s still a little groggy, probably having woken up ten minutes ago before coming. His clothes are a little rumpled and his hair isn’t styled, with his bangs flopping in his eyes. Normally, you would have made fun of him and mussed it up, but you have other things on your mind as of the moment. 

Like always, he can tell something is up. He gets that concerned look on his face—the one where he has a deep crease between his brows and his rosy lips are turned downwards. 

“What’s wrong?” He places a hand on your arm, lowering his head so he can’t get a better look at your face. 

Physical contact with Renjun has always been something normal for you, but suddenly, you’re now acutely aware of everything about him. You can feel the pad of every one of his fingertips on your bare skin, the warmth of his palm, and just how easily his touch makes your body relax. Even when your brain is a whirlwind of thoughts, your muscles, like clockwork, instantly loosen up with just a brush of his hand.

“We need to talk,” you say shakily, moving away from him. There’s a flash of hurt in his eyes as his hand falls to his side. You feel bad, but the longer he’s touching you, the more confused you get. 

You lead him a secluded area behind the Dining Pavilion, and he follows wordlessly. He waits for you to speak as the two of you stand there. Now that you’re here, you don’t really know what to say anymore. 

“Are you in love with me?” you blurt before you can stop yourself. “Jaehyun said—”

“Yes,” Renjun answers. If he’s surprised or taken aback whatosever, he doesn’t show it. In fact, it seems like he knew this was coming. There’s no fear or hesitation in his eyes. He’s unwavering in his answer, and you wonder how he can always be so certain of his feelings. 

“How long?” you ask tentatively. 

“Probably when we first met,” he says. 

“Why?” 

“Are you asking me why I’m in love with you?” He raises an eyebrow. 

You’re not sure. You’re not sure of anything anymore.

When you don’t answer, Renjun looks at you for a very long time. “You make me happy, Y/N. No matter how shitty things get, no matter how much I want to ram my fist through a wall, I see you and it’s like I can finally take a breath again. When you smile at me, I forget about everything that was bothering me. You and your daily shenanigans are the best part of my day. You’re obnoxious and frustrating and exhausting, but I fucking love you for it. I’m at your beck and call; I’d do anything for you. Whenever you’re happy, I become happy too. Nothing else matters to me anymore. That’s why.”

“You should have told me,” you say, voice cracking. Your heart is singing with joy, and you want to cry with relief. He talks about you like you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and you so desperately want to be exactly that for him. You’re not confused anymore. Everything has finally become clear for you now. You truly wonder how you managed not to notice anything at all—whether it be your own feelings or his. 

“I knew it would upset you,” he murmurs. 

But then it hits you. 

You can’t even fathom how much Renjun has had to endure throughout the years. He’s loved you all this time, yet he hasn’t said a word—out of consideration for you. In everything he’s ever done during the course of your friendship, he has always put you first. Even if it hurts him, he was willing to withstand it for your sake.

Yet all you’ve done for him is force him into letting you try to find a him a girlfriend, despite the fact that he was against it, and he had to pretend like he was okay as he watched you parade around like a fool telling him to love someone else. 

You don’t deserve to be loved by someone like Huang Renjun.

You don’t deserve to love someone like Huang Renjun.

Suddenly, you begin to feel nauseous—probably sickened by guilt. Black spots dot your vision, and your legs start wobbling. Your body collapses only moments after, but luckily, Renjun manages to catch you before you can hit the pavement. 

“Y/N? Y/N? Hey, talk to me,” you can hear him say very faintly. He’s cradling you against his chest, and you bury your face in it. Your head is spinning, but you feel surprisingly grounded in his arms.

Has he always smelled this nice? His scent is a mixture of books and sandalwood, and you’re basically crushing your nose against his chest like an absolute pervert. You don’t feel embarrassed because you know you can blame it on being sick later. 

Speaking of sick, even though Renjun smells so good, you proceed to lean forward and vomit all over him and yourself.

Once again, you don’t feel that embarrassed because you black out soon after.

ও DAY FOUR.

You wake up tucked nicely under your covers. Much to your relief, you’re also in clean clothes—your favorite set of heart pajamas. Unfortunately, that’s the only bright side to your current state.

It feels like you haven’t had a sip of water in ten years, and your lips feel like they’ve been glued together. Even the tiniest movement makes your head feel like someone is drilling into your skull. Your body feels twenty times heavier, and not to mention, you just generally feel like shit because of what happened with Renjun.

“Oh my gods, you look so creepy right now. Who just lays there with their eyes wide open? If you’re awake, you should say something,” a voice chides. Turning your head just a smidgen (and wincing because of the pain), you see your sister, Lee Mijoo. She has a glass of water in her hand, setting it on your nightstand.

“How long have I been asleep?” you ask hoarsely. 

“Let’s see. Renjun brought you back at like 2 PM yesterday, and it’s now 8 PM, so...thirty hours?” Mijoo counts on her fingers. 

“Fuck,” you groan.

“Heatstroke will do that to ya,” she says, making a clicking noise with her tongue.

“I had a heatstroke?”

“Yep. It was a pretty nasty one too. You really did a number all over Renjun’s shirt. It was like a vomit Picasso,” Mijoo says, sounding kind of impressed.

Your face burns from humiliation. 

“Here, sit up and drink this water,” she orders, helping you get up. Your head is screaming in pain, like a million little jabs to your brain. You down the water in one big gulp, not realizing just how dehydrated you were until your lips hit the water. 

“So, you and Renjun, huh?” Mijoo asks sheepishly.

If you still had water in your mouth, you would’ve spat it out. “What?”

“Jaehyun told me everything,” she explains.

Traitor, you think to yourself.

“Don’t be mad at him. Renjun looked like a kicked puppy when we saw him. There’s no way I wouldn’t have asked questions,” she says. “Did you break his heart, little sister?”

You sigh, putting the cup back on your nightstand. “I hope not. His heart shouldn’t be broken by someone like me.”

“And what does that mean?”

“It means that he shouldn’t concern himself with me,” you sigh.

“Well, he does. He came to check up on you like a billion times. I had to ban him from coming back until tomorrow,” Mijoo snorts. “He’s a really good guy, you know.”

“Trust me,” you say, rubbing your temples. “I know that better than anyone.”

“So, what’s stopping you? I would be all over that.”

You glare at her before letting out another sigh. “He’s too good for me, Mijoo.” 

“That’s for him to decide, no?” She raises an eyebrow.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m just saying the truth,” you say. 

“So, you won’t mind if I date him?” she asks seriously.

Your face falls instantly, and Mijoo doubles over laughing. 

“Geez, Y/N, you looked like you were about to claw my eyes out!” She wipes away a tear.

“Very funny,” you say dryly. 

“But what if I had been serious? What would you have done then?”

You don’t answer.

“I think you really, really like Renjun, Y/N,” Mijoo whispers loudly.

“I think I love him,” you whisper back.

“Then, you should probably tell him.”

“Yeah, I should,” you echo.

Ignoring the major migraine you have and the fact that you’re still a little sluggish, you throw your covers off of you. You don’t change out of your pajamas, simply throwing a thin cardigan over it. 

“Uh, Y/N, maybe you should wait until you feel be—”

“No, I have do it now before I change my mind,” you cut her off, slipping on your tennis shoes.

You hear Mijoo call after you, but you’re already out of the door. The Athena Cabin isn’t too far from the Aphrodite Cabin, so the walk is short. Much to your surprise once you’re inside, he isn’t there.

Grabbing the nearest Athena kid you see, you ask, “Where’s Renjun?”

“Um, I think he went to the amphitheater?” 

The amphitheater is a bit further, so you promptly release and thank the kid, before taking off. You’re not sure if running is recommended right after a heatstroke, but you do it anyways. By the time you get there, your cardigan is slipping off and you’re dripping with sweat from the humid summer heat. 

The amphitheater is extremely crowded, since there was probably a performance tonight. It’s actually a little hard to see over all the people. However, you find Renjun pretty quickly.

You see him standing off to the side, away from everyone else. He’s staring emptily at the stage, hands tucked inside his pockets. He looks so tired and dejected. His entire body slumps as if it’s too exhausting to stand up straight anymore. 

All because of you.

You wait until you finally catch your breath, opening your mouth to call out to him. But you don’t ever get the chance to because a girl walks up to him. You can’t tell who she is because the back of her head is facing you, and you see Renjun give her a small smile before saying something.

The girl laughs and turns her head, giving you a view of her side profile.

Hwang Yeji.

All of the courage you had inside you withers away like a dying flower.

You take a step back, accidentally bumping into someone behind you. They say something to you, but you don’t hear it at all. Instead, you turn on your heel and run. You run wildly and blindly, nearly whizzing right past your cabin. You’re barely able get back inside, eyes so blurry with tears that you can’t even see where you’re going. 

When Mijoo sees you, she doesn’t ask any questions. She just turns on the shower for you, extra hot. You step in without a word, letting the water mix with the tears running down your face. 

It’s not that you think Renjun is in love with Yeji now. In fact, you know he’s not. It’s just that they would be much better together. 

Yeji is one of the sweetest girls you know. She would treat Renjun with the kindness he deserves. She would consider his feelings first before making him do anything. She would make him happier than you ever could. They would be so compatible, and if you weren’t in love with Renjun yourself, you would definitely be trying to set the two up. 

After your shower, you change into the clothes Mijoo set out for you—an oversized sweater with cotton shorts—and miserably crawl back in bed. You’re so drained that you don’t even have the energy to drink the fresh glass of water on your nightstand. 

Everything hurt—mentally and physically. 

Your heart aches most of all. You’ve dated here and there, gone through some breakups, but nothing has ever been as painful as this. 

It’s a pain that consumes you whole. A pain that makes you want to scream but no sound will come out. A pain that makes you want to tear your heart out. A pain that makes you wish a bunch of aliens abducted you and brainwashed you into not feeling any emotions anymore.

It’s the same pain that you thought you felt from Renjun on the first day of when this all began.

And then the last puzzle piece finally falls into place.

That pain was never his.

It has always been your own.

You love Renjun too, and you’ve loved him for a very long time.

ও DAY FIVE. 

“Come on, Y/N. At least get up to wash your face and brush your teeth,” Mijoo pleads.

You ignore her, pulling your covers over your head and turning away. It’s already well into the afternoon, but you’ve been feigning sick so you didn’t have to get up. The rest of the Aphrodite children have left and gone about their various activities throughout the camp, but Mijoo was tasked by Jaehyun to take care of you.

“If you just do that, I’ll leave you alone for the rest of the day,” she bargains. 

You think about it for a second before sighing, begrudgingly sitting up. You can see the pity dripping out of her eyes when you brush past her to head to the bathroom. When you see yourself in the mirror, you can understand why.

Puffy eyes, matted hair, tear-stained cheeks, and chapped lips. It’s too bad you hadn’t been wearing mascara last night because the only thing you’re missing in your hot mess look right now are those dark smudges right under your eyes.

You brush you teeth, which takes a lot more effort than you realize, and splash water on your face. Not even bothering to brush your hair, you head straight back to bed. True to her word, Mijoo doesn’t say anything else after that.

That is, until a couple hours later.

“Um, so I know I said I would leave you alone, but I think you might want to get up for this one, Y/N,” she whispers. You can’t see her because you back is turned to her, but you can tell by the tone of her voice that it’s important.

Irritated, you yank the covers off you and sit back up once again. “Mijoo, I—”

You almost choke on air when you realize Mijoo isn’t alone. Renjun is right beside her, looking not much better than you. He’s in a wrinkled t-shirt and sweatpants, his hair looks like he just ran his fingers through it and called it a day, and he has purple bags under his eyes.

“Can we talk?” Renjun asks. 

You hesitantly nod. 

“I’ll, uh, give you two some privacy,” Mijoo says awkwardly before turning around and running out of the cabin. 

You don’t know what to do now, staring down at your clasped hands. You hear Renjun take a step forward, and you feel the edge of your bed dip under his weight. There’s a sizable gap between you and where he’s sitting, but he’s still close enough for his scent to waft over to you. He smells wonderful like usual, and you hope you don’t stink in return.

“How are you feeling?” Renjun asks quietly.

“Like shit,” you answer honestly.

He laughs under his breath. “I know what you mean.” 

Your heart skips a beat, and you feel giddy all of a sudden when you see him smile. How did you manage to turn into a lovesick little schoolgirl over night? 

“I talked to Yeji last night at the amphitheater,” Renjun says after a moment. 

“I know,” you mutter. 

He blinks. “You do? How?” 

You’re not sure how to answer that.

“Well, that doesn’t matter right now,” he dismisses, taking in a deep breath. “I just wanted to tell you that I ran into her after I checked up on you, and she invited me to watch her performance. I wasn’t going to say yes at first, but I thought it would make you happy if I did. I tried, Y/N, I really tried. Yeji’s a nice girl, but I can’t help how I feel. I love you, Y/N. It’s always been you, and it always will be. I’m not asking you to love me back. I just want to stay by your side, as your friend, if you’ll allow it. I—”

“Stop,” you interrupt, scooting closer to him and putting a hand over his mouth. “I have to tell you something.” 

Renjun gives you a bewildered expression but nods nonetheless. 

You remove your hand from his mouth, before taking in a deep breath of your own. “You’re my best friend, Renjun, and I’ve always confided in you for everything. I took you for granted, and I only thought about myself. Deep down, I think I’ve always known about your feelings and my own, but I was afraid to dig for it. I was comfortable, and I didn’t want to ruin that, even though you were hurting. I’m truly sorry for treating you that way, Renjun. From now on, I want you to tell me everything—the good, the bad, the ugly. Don’t bottle things up for my sake.”

He goes to say something, but you hold up your hand to stop him.

“The reason why I knew you were with Yeji at the amphitheater last night is because I was there too. I went to look for you,” you finally confess. “When I decided I was going to find a girlfriend for you, I thought I would be able to step aside when you did find someone. But once I saw you with Yeji, I realized that I couldn’t do it. What I want with you isn’t a friendship anymore. I’m in love with you, Renjun. I have been for a long time, and it took me four, almost five, years to see that because I never thought to listen to my own heart until now. I don’t think I will ever deserve you in his lifetime, but I love you. I’m selfish and I’m a mess and I always cause trouble for you, but I—”

Renjun wraps an arm around your waist and tugs your body flush against his. His hand comes up to cradle your cheek as his thumb lightly runs across your cheekbone. You’re clutching his shirt like a lifeline, holding your breath, as you stare into those gray eyes.

“You,” he whispers, his lips barely brushing against yours, “are more than I deserve.”

He leans in and closes the infinitesimal gap between your mouths. He kisses you desperately, like you’ll disappear any moment, and you can feel all of the emotions he’s been locking away. His arms are wound tightly around you as he pulls you into his lap. You weave your hands through his hair, and he deepens the kiss. Your shirt rides up as you shift, and you feel his hand slip up your shirt and rest against your back. It ignites a fire within you and you want to tell him to take it off completely, but your lungs are screaming for air, so you have no choice but to pull away.

“Sorry,” Renjun says breathlessly, his chest heaving up and down, as he takes his hand out from under your shirt.

“No, I liked it,” you say, shaking your head and placing your forehead against his. “I just ran out of air.”

“No,” he disagrees, “I didn’t mean for it to go that far. It was supposed to be a sweet kiss, but I lost control.” 

He tugs your shirt back down and gently sets you back down next to him. You can’t help but giggle at how flustered he is. It’s not often that Athena children, especially Huang Renjun, loses control of their emotions like that. 

“I’m glad you find this amusing,” he says wryly, rolling his eyes. 

“You know,” you say in a sing-song voice, “I still technically never broke my streak. I found you a girlfriend within five days.”

“Does it really count if you ended up being my girlfriend?” He raises an eyebrow. “Seems a little unprofessional to me.” 

“Don’t be a sore loser,” you taunt.

“You also said you were going to make me fall in love so hard that I’d forget my own name,” he points out. “And I didn’t, so that’s false advertising. Unprofessional and unethical? I could sue you.” 

“You are so petty,” you squint. “And come on! That kiss didn’t make your forget? It made me forget!”

“I don’t like you that much.” He deadpans.

“Huang Renjun, you are so not cute!” 

4 YEARS AGO.

“It’s not my best work, so you can have it,” Renjun says, trying to act casual about it.

You look so happy that Renjun would have painted a thousand more if you asked him to. You have a smile that could make the goddesses envious, and he can barely hear what you’re saying over the thumping of his own heart. He hopes his expression looks somewhat elusive because he’s not sure how to handle himself right now. 

You’re the prettiest girl he’s ever seen in his life. 

Renjun feels like he’s been shot by Eros’ arrow. He used to never understand why everyone was so wary of Eros; he’s basically just a mascot for corny Valentine’s Day cards. Apollo and his children avoid Eros and his children like the plague. Though granted, Eros did force Apollo to fall in love with Daphne and then she ended up turning into a tree. So, there is a little bit of history there. Point being, Renjun just didn’t get it.

But he think he does now.

“Thank you so much!” you say excitedly, extending your hand. “I’m Y/N!”

Renjun just stupidly stares at you. He’s not even sure if he’s worthy to touch your hand, but he also doesn’t want to be rude. He carefully shakes your hand, unable to say a word.

“What’s your name?” you ask, tilting your head. 

Is it possible for a person to be this adorable? he thinks to himself.

“I’m...” 

You’re looking at him, waiting expectantly.

“I’m...”

You’re still smiling, but he can see the slight confusion in your eyes. He’s never felt like more of a moron in his life. 

“Ren...jun,” he finally says after an extreme amount of concentration. 

You beam at him, and he wonders if he’s the only one seeing the ring of light surrounding you. There’s no way you aren’t Aphrodite’s favorite child.

“Nice to meet you, Renjun! Let’s be friends.” 

Renjun isn’t sure he wants to be just friends, but he finds himself nodding along anyways. 

Fuck, he thinks, I’m in trouble.