#and when a human who has been molded into the shape of a godly being is once again deflated to a human

[apocamarchive]

Apocamarc lore part 8: Marc and Apocalypse’s parallels

This one’s big, and also the current last lore drop for now! Enjoy :-)

Expanding on previous convo on sleep:

And to wrap up thoughts here on general stuff and scale difference, since we didn’t quite have an ending:

Both Marc and Apocalypse have been raised to believe in their own overinflated or under inflated worth. Apocalypse was groomed to be a weapon and a conqueror and set on that path, divorced from his humanity and ability to see human life as worthwhile and able to be connected to because he was put on a pedestal so far above them his set of morals changed. There was no reason for him not to believe himself a god in the same way of any other in myth, the ones that cause mass destruction and plagues and floods and set off wars because it is their choice and will to. And as a result he nearly achieved that. But he didn’t. And now he has to reckon with never being a god at all, but a dehumanized and grandiose human mutant set up for power before he could be understood. His belief in betterment and in his choices being right almost caused mass destruction on a global scale.

Marc, on the other hand, is the same and opposite. He was taught to believe his worth did not matter, that he caused problems to those close to him and was not deserving of care. As a result he is set on a path for manipulation. He joins the army, then becomes a mercenary, and then Moon Knight, each time being an extension of someone else’s will, used as a tool in a personal crusade of political power, money, or revenge. And he wreaks havoc on small targets and his personal life in the process. He destabilizes groups, places, crime rings. He cuts people off, ghosts people, isolates himself. And it is because he believes himself to be so harmful that he should never be touched and as such builds a web of distrust and violence around him. He thinks he can do everything alone and that he has to, that he is the only one capable and bringing anyone else in would only hurt them, so he has to be the only party responsible, even though that’s never been the case, not with his friends or his headmates or anyone. His price of protection and doing what he believes is the cost of himself and his own relationships and morals. But he is painfully aware of that connection throughout.

Neither of them are right, but both intensely skewed world views stem from a similar yet opposite place of origin: from believing that worldview to be wholly correct, that it can do no wrong, and that actions taken for it are justified. There is a strange understanding in the middle. One that requires unearthing pain, shifting the view of the self drastically, and understanding that at the center, both of them are inescapably human. Something that, in many ways, is an idea they have to reckon with.

(IDs in ALT for all)

It will all be discussion n hcs and creative content from here until new convos happen! Feel free to send anything in, tag this account in any posts, whatever ;-D

[coffeeandritalin]

Thoughts on The Song of Achilles

I just read The Song of Achilles, and while I have book club tomorrow to gush over this book, I think the level of deep I'm digging to will probably be too much for my club-mates. So I've decided to use Tumblr to offload instead.

This is the first book I actively annotated in since... probably high school (aka, it's been more than a hot second). This was probably the best and worst book to use to start annotations again. Best because it is so beautifully written. Worst because, of course, I no longer have a heart as it has been hollowed out to relieve me of the intense pain I suffered after reading it.

In the final chapter, Patroclus calls Thetis out, "You said that Chiron ruined him. You are a goddess, and cold, and know nothing. You are the one who ruined him." I definitely agree with Patroclus here. However, in today's TED talk, I will rant about how Patroclus' is also responsible for Achilles' ruin.

To start, I have to praise Miller for how masterfully she molds each character. In just four chapters, we have a complex understanding of who Patroclus is as a person and why he ticks the way he ticks. Patroclus' defining characteristic, confidence (or lack thereof), is first hinted at on the first page, "Quickly, I became a disappointment." This is the core trait Miller starts out with to flesh out the character. The low opinion Patroclus has of himself, heavily shaped by his father, becomes the source and shaper of all his other traits.

Patroclus' low self-opinion is his greatest gift and flaw. His entire life, he has been told he is worth nothing. He is emotionally abused, depressed, and hurting. Tragically, out of this comes his humility and humbleness. In a world that is hard and cruel, Patroclus chose to be soft and kind - the key to what makes the people around him love him so deeply. There is a whole separate soap box waiting to be stepped on for this topic alone. Today, we are focusing on how Patroclus' lack of confidence becomes his fatal flaw. Just as his gentleness is borne from his low confidence, so too is his self-contempt, and this is his ultimate undoing.

From the very first moment he lays eyes on him, Patroclus has always seen himself as second to Achilles. It originates from a place of envy but eventually comes from a place of love and admiration. Patroclus, believing himself only worthy of disdain, allows this to define him. Rather, he uses it to define himself - what value could he possibly have without Achilles at his side?

It is not just Thetis' misguided, motherly love and prideful scorn for mortals that fills Achilles' mind with the whispers of gods instead of the cries of his peers. It is not just the adulation of the masses and the glorification of war that lures Achilles into hubris and a madness that even Patroclus falls prey to. It is also Patroclus' self-contempt and core belief that he has no value beyond Achilles that fuels and enables Achilles' arrogance.

There was only one person Achilles was ever willing to put on a pedestal above himself. He believes Patroclus is worth extending the Trojan War and keeping thousands of families apart for ten years (a separate discourse on this). He holds Patroclus in the absolute highest regard. On multiple occasions, although Patroclus only consciously acknowledges two, Achilles defers to what Patroclus' wants. Despite his godliness, which he is fully aware of, Achilles is willing to submit himself to Patroclus.

Patroclus is always in awe of Achilles and in disbelief that he managed to land such a hot piece of a**. Through the first two thirds of the book, Achilles also repeatedly mentions how equally in awe he is of Patroclus and repeatedly tries to get Patroclus to stand by his side as an equal. However, Patroclus' self-contempt will not allow him to see himself as Achilles' equal. Achilles makes many attempts to put Patroclus' needs first, but Patroclus consistently rebuffs these efforts and insists his needs be second to Achilles'. Over time, Patroclus trains Achilles to see his (Achilles') needs above his own (Patroclus'). Due to a highly privileged upbringing, Achilles knows no better than to gradually accept this as fact and ends up taking it for granted.

The only person who could have taught Achilles to know better and to understand reason is Patroclus himself (and probably Chiron, but Chiron isn't the one who is constantly and seductively whispering in Achilles' ears for 20 odd years). Patroclus was everything that tethered Achilles to his gentleness and humanity. However, Patroclus dotes on and spoils Achilles far too much. He makes himself, and is grateful to be, the rug that Achilles wipes his shoes on (despite Achilles equal insistence to clean off Patroclus' shoes).

With all this pre-established cognitive wiring, can we blame Achilles for being the densest of all walnuts when it comes to Patroclus' feelings and needs? (The answer is yes, and I place equal blame on Achilles as I do Patroclus for all of this.) Until the last third of the book, Patroclus is the only person who could possibly force their will on Achilles. He loved and respected both his parents, but he was defiant even against them. Of course, Patroclus has neither parent's pride and does not ever seek to force his will on Achilles or anyone else (something which he is definitely loved for). He loves Achilles and genuinely wants everything that would make Achilles happy.

Most crucial to this whole rant thought, Patroclus also refuses to acknowledge (read: zero self-confidence) that he has the power to stay Achilles' hand. Patroclus forgets he has a voice. He forgets his opinions and feelings are worth of acknowledgement. He forgets to be selfish and fight for what he wants (outside of Achilles' survival).

In true Patroclus fashion (forever putting others before himself), he finally stands up against Achilles for Briseis' sake. Although he has secured Briseis' temporary safety, he is far too late and Achilles has already been swimming in the deep end for a good thirty minutes. Achilles is entrenched in the belief that he and Patroclus are of the same mind, that his wants must also be Patroclus' wants. While he is wounded by the betrayal, Achilles cannot and does not stay mad at Patroclus because he knows his immortal glory is also what Patroclus is trying to build and preserve.

This is as deep as Achilles' understanding goes though. Achilles' belief system has been shaped too perfectly. His cause is Patroclus' cause, any ancillary motivation is but an afterthought. The blinders are up and Achilles only has eyes for his immortal glory. He is blind to how much pain was necessary to provoke Patroclus into mutiny against him. He is unaware of the searing grief it caused Patroclus (in contrast, Briseis immediately understands how severely this betrayal affects Patroclus). Worse, Achilles is completely ignorant of Patroclus' true reasoning and displays blatant lack of concern to Patroclus' emotional wellbeing by immediately launching into how he and Thetis have concocted a plan to let thousands of more Greeks suffer for the sake of his honor. Patroclus is fighting (albeit too late) to bring Achilles back to his humanity and spare innocent people from needless brutality. He has literally and physically spilt blood to right the wrongs he finally opened his eyes to, and Achilles undoes it all in one, idle stroke.

Patroclus was the only person who could keep Achilles grounded, but his infinite love only made him wish to see Achilles fly free. Patroclus was the only person who could scold Achilles into seeing the wrong in his actions and beliefs, but his dotage stayed his tongue and he instead chose to maintain Achilles naivete. Patroclus was the only person who could raise Achilles to his best self and also utterly break him, but his self-contempt did not allow him to acknowledge that he had the power, and thus responsibility, to guide Achilles. Patroclus failed to take meaningful action earlier because he had little faith that his actions and words would matter (despite Achilles, Briseis, and Chiron repeatedly trying to convince him otherwise). He eventually builds up the confidence to believe he is at least worthy of dying for someone he loves, thus cursing grief upon those who love him.

[storytell]

BUNGOU STRAY DOGS AUS: GENSHIN IMPACT MUSES

PERSONALS I AM GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOU TO NOT REBLOG THIS POST. IT IS FOR MY OWN PERSONAL USE.

KAEYA RAGNVINDR

name: kaeya ragnvindr affiliation: the knights of favonius location: germany ability: glacial waltz - kaeya has moderate control over ice and temperature, and can make things around him freeze. as well as this, he is capable of creating ice from the water vapor in the air and can as such weaponize his ability at any time.

bio: born in an unknown place, kaeya was found and taken in by crepus ragnvindr in germany, where he became acquainted with his new adoptive brother diluc. as diluc ascended, so too did he, until kaeya’s adoptive father was killed in a tragic accident. the brothers mutually decided having nothing to do with eachother would be beneficial, and after they split apart, kaeya took over diluc’s old position in the knights of favonius, an ability user organization dedicated to keeping the peace all throughout germany.

due to recent activity in yokohama, several of the knights of favonius as well as other ability users have made their way over to see what the cause of commotion is. kaeya specifically has an interest in the book, but has no desire to use it himself, instead taking interest in keeping the fatui--a group of ability users hailing from russia, separate from the decay of angels and more intwined with the nation’s government--away from it.

DILUC RAGNVINDR

name: diluc ragnvindr alias: the darknight hero affiliation: dawn winery location: germany ability: dawn - allows diluc to summon a large phoenix-shaped burst of fire which he can then command for a short time around once per day. if he has already used this ability in the day, he can use his ability to create and control ordinary fire.

bio: heir to the wealthiest man in germany, diluc had it all. he was a talented boy who surpassed expectations and was easily able to attain the rank of cavalry captain in the knights of favonius. however, the death of his father sent everything crashing down. with the knights refusing to release or investigate any official evidence due to the political impact it might have, diluc became frustrated and left the city for a time, staying at dawn winery and becoming even wealthier due to the demand of the dandelion wine only dawn winery could produce.

eventually, he began to aid in the protection of germany from outside ability users with his large chain of connections and his unnamed antihero alias, essentially becoming germany’s very own masked vigilante. when the knights of favonius talked of sending men over to yokohama to investigate the commotion there, diluc was made aware of the situation from a “well-informed individual” and accompanied them under the guise of having a business deal with a powerful player located in yokohama.

he seeks to keep the book out of the hands of the abyss order, almost-humans with suspiciously organized ranks.

LUMINE

name: lumine affiliation: armed detective agency? location: yokohama “ability”: outsider - an ‘ability’ picked up when lumine entered this dimension and presumably shared by her brother; lumine can copy and use any ability she has seen in action. when she copies an ability, she will be able to use that ability for as long as she would like until it is overwritten by the next time she copies an ability. to copy an ability, she has to be in the line of sight of an ability user.

bio: you won’t find any record of lumine or her brother aether before the incidents taking place in yokohama began, though it’s unclear whether this is due to their relative unimportance prior to that or the fact that they hadn’t been in this dimension before that. regardless, they will not show up in any official investigations, and aether is still missing to everyone who has been looking.

the first people to find lumine were the armed detective agency, and it was there that she herself learned of the ability she gained in coming to this dimension when she accidentally copied atsushi’s ability for the first time. from then, it was decided that if anyone could help her find her brother, it would be detectives, and so lumine was given a test and accepted into the armed detective agency.

of course, this isn’t the end of the complications, as she accidentally finds herself caught up in the plans of the abyss order and the fatui, accidentally dragging the agency into things with her.

CHILDE

name: ??? alias(es): tartaglia (fatui harbinger title), childe (casual alias) affiliation: the fatui location: russia ability: master of weapons - childe’s ability allows him to turn nearby water into solid weapons, though the water must either be in vapor or liquid form, as ice is difficult to mold. any water-made weapon childe uses will be five times more powerful as the weapon normally would be. additionally, childe can change the form of his weapon at any time and it will only go away if childe himself ends the ability--as the weapon is water, it cannot be broken.

bio: childe is one of the eleven harbingers of the fatui, an organization in russia with its roots deeply in the russian government. they have ties everywhere, all across the world, and worked closely with fyodor dostoyevsky in his endeavor to attack yokohama. after his defeat and the loss of the decay of angels (another organization they had ties with), the fatui decided to send some of their own, among which were childe himself and la signora, a significantly crueler harbinger.

childe himself has no interest in the book and actively avoids conflict with other ability users, claiming there’s something bigger at play that he would like to figure out on his own. that said, he is still prone to using underhanded tactics and doesn’t stop la signora from initiating conflicts.

ZHONGLI

name: exuvia alias(es): rex lapis & morax (”godly” names), zhongli (human alias) affiliation: ??? location: china ability: prime of the adepti - prior to becoming a transcendental, zhongli’s ability was a defensive ability that could completely petrify anyone within a 50 foot radius of him so long as they were touching the ground. however, because of the additional abilities he has gained since then (shapeshifting, illusions, etc), this can no longer be considered his only ability.

bio: zhongli comes from a time before the modern nations of the world, a forgotten era of magic and wisdom that came before everything in the history we know today. it was there that he first became an immortal transcendental and outlasted the rest of his society, watching the magic of the older days become forgotten, living on only in the form of rare “ability users”.

he lived among the human world for some time, appearing once a year as any sort of animal with bright amber eyes to guide the humans around him. it was because of this that he began to be worshipped as a god, being given the name “rex lapis” by those who believed him fully. unfortunately, this tradition began to die out as technology advanced and you became disgusted with the humans that had left behind tradition. it was only recently, at the request of a friend, that you took on a human form once more and began a life in this new world to attempt to adapt to the changes you had seen.

not a long while later, he was summoned to yokohama by another transcendental, though he abstained from offering aid or guidance, choosing to keenly observe the actions of the humans on either side of the conflict to see whether or not it would be worth giving them guidance once more.

[tinystinkyman]

I wanted to talk about what I did for Halloween, for no particular reason.

Halloween is a deeply important holiday for me personally. As a child I might have explained it away as the only time I got to spend uninterrupted hours in the company of my human parents. As an adult, I realize it’s much more than that. Halloween, as we know, is a very liminal might. “the veil is thin,” as they say. For me the veil is a bit thin all of the time, but the flavor of autumn has always been my favorite. Red and silver, petrichor and freezing cold nights spent walking in the rain until your feet are numb. To me, this is the one night a year where the whole world shifts to match my energy, when I no longer have to force myself into a mold I cannot fit.

I have never before done a ritual on Halloween night. Previously my practice wasn’t exceptionally... traditional, in the “witchy ritual under a full moon” sense. I regarded Halloween as a family holiday, and tried desperately to keep my human family engaged as I grew older. It’s worth mentioning that my human family are terribly abusive of me, and generally not great people, and my sister-- while a witch-- is not comfortable sharing her practice with me. Sadly, by the time I turned 18 Halloween had mostly been dropped in favor of candy and alcohol, without any emphasis on “family” at all.

This year was different, however. For one, this year I am much, much closer to my godfam than I ever have been before. It feels ridiculous to say that it feels like I’ve finally grown up and grown in to who I’m supposed to be, but that would be about the shape of it. My godly family are more family to me than the humans who birthed me ever were. So this year, with no trick or treaters, no parties, nothing to do-- when all the human members of my family abandoned me to go out with friends-- I stayed home, on one of the most magically charged Halloweens in years, alone but for the cats and my godly family, whose presence was tangible the whole night.

I knew I had to do a ritual that night. I couldn’t tell you why-- I just had to. It wasn’t going to be a full moon ritual like I knew my sister was doing some miles away with her friend, because Halloween is a family holiday. It was going to be a family ritual. 

So I took my chalice, wine, cinnamon, lavender, and pomegranates. I charged the ingredients by the light of the full blue moon, mixed them, and dedicated them to my family. Auspiciously, the piece of pomegranate I brought outside for my ritual had exactly twelve seeds on it. Six went into the wine, which I poured into the earth under a red candle, charged with my love for my family. The last six, although I had not intended nor expected it, went to me. A reverse offering, if I were to use Hades’ logic. I had dedicated myself to him repeatedly for years. Those last six seeds were his gift, dedicating himself and his realm to me. 

I knew I wouldn’t get a strong or immediate reaction from this ritual. It wasn’t something one and done like I had done in the past-- this was a family ritual, on a family night. I felt no effects as I readied myself for bed and did a relaxation ritual, until I realized that I could feel energy thrumming through my body. I thought for a moment that it was from the ritual, despite not having done anything that would raise so much energy, but Anubis corrected me; it was my own energy-- that is, the energy of my undiluted soul, which I would not normally have access to in a human body. A few things about it shocked me. The color, a luminously shimmering grey-silver-- the tensile strength of it, like a strong and unstretching cloth-- a pattern from an unfamiliar moth’s wings. I had never expected grey, nor moths, nor fabric. I feel like a fool to say that because I have always been grey in everything I do, I adore nighttime creatures, and I am a weaver. But somehow the idea that all these things could form together so strongly-- that anything about myself could be reminiscent of steel and focus and protection-- that seemed like a bit much to think of myself. 

I went to sleep that night half expecting to see my family in my dreams. It’s not at all unusual for godfolk to kick down the door of my mind and tell me some random prophecy or hand me a sword, but that didn’t happen. In fact, my dreams were soft and vague. There was no horrific nightmare, no chase scene, no threats or tasks or work. They were, shockingly, perfectly normal and inconsequential dreams. I woke feeling as if I had actually rested, as if I had truly gone home and awoken in my own bed for the first time since before I began this incarnation. To be honest, it almost feels like the year has turned over. I had been considering for a while realigning my year with my own religious beliefs instead of with the dominant Christian ones, but I’m really not sure what to think about making Halloween such a huge, pivotal holiday that it signifies the end and beginning of my whole year.

That was all I did this year. I don’t know what next year will hold, although I know my family know and are distressingly gleeful about it. But I feel like even if I had no way to celebrate the American version of Halloween, I still celebrated my version of the holiday to the fullest extent, and I wouldn’t trade my brief night of being home for the world. 

[clatteriing]

The maids were ordered to descend to the garden, and give some water to the insects. At 1:25 pm on Tuesday, July 22, Kyoto time, we visited the grave of Lady Murasaki Shikibu: a large weed-covered mound of earth with a small stone marker at the head and a small stone altar at the base, one white teacup filled to the lip with water. A small tree was growing, its leaves reflected, without color, in the cup. I still my eyes. I see ants … We had three copies of The Tale of Genji in our house (growing up); I remember one hard cover edition in particular, with torn dust jacket … I can hear it now: bells hanging soundless at the limits of creation. Isn’t the creation a response to what is felt already to exist but as of yet without shape? Lady M died one thousand years ago, though no one knows for sure. Even her name is in dispute, so how can we trust the mound of earth? The mound of earth was growing grass and weeds with tiny, even unsightly, flowers. Maybe it was the influence of the mound of earth next to Lady M’s mound, smaller, more exposed, with fewer weeds and less grass, more dirt … it was the grave of someone who was related to a poet, not Lady M, who/where was the poet? Someone had visited the graves that morning: the white teacups were filled; someone had touched the blue hose. Gods of mercy, with curative powers, what if they, the gods, are obstructed by people; godly power is radiant, sensitive in a penetrating way, to atoms, cells, cell structures, the human body. Someone had watered the cups, the weeds were growing thick over Lady M’s feet, dust on the heads of the gods of mercy. The environment was termites and mold … the gods will know what it means to be sentient: to be forgettable, neglected, to molder on the altar … The stone structure on top of Lady M’s mound resembled a small hat, the pressure centered between the eyes, the sinuses; the voice swampy, pinched, elevated, filled with gas, the body revealing itself to be mysterious to itself as a structure within a structure (pond in a pond). In the sinuses flow one’s dreams as mucus, which, when inhaled, disperse into the mind as a light lifting off the frenetic behavior of the constituents who hold the world in transit. It took Lady M ten years to write The Tale of Genji. Black ink poured from my navel. Did you get your period? DD asked. She was worried. What is black that pours from the body? There was a pond. I don’t remember where it was or what it was doing. What does a pond do? … The light that reaches into the pond is from the universe; there are no ponds in a pond, unless the pond is space and there are holes … Appreciation and/or admiration: to enter into a third space which is a permanent reprieve made temporary: what are the looks? Being is not always looking up. The gradual blinding of looking up is familiar … But what was the pond? The sides of a pond have ears.   But in the same way the hysterics of hell can be heard just below the horizon, concealed within the lower registers of a photograph are the sounds of hell, the cacophony of the underworld. As if hell could no longer wait for its patrons to arrive, but sought to expand its dominion into the world, to select its sinners preemptively. Chaos prevailed, and the gates of hell not only widened, but became all-encompassing. A steamship comes to a stop in the middle of the ocean. The engines, that have been occupying, however faintly, the sleep of young women and children, die. (Emptiness is on the ceiling.) The water settles? The ship … No more white around the ship. Gasoline between continents … I hear the water on the shore: the tide is coming … And birds, positive engines. The ants on Kurosawa’s rose … the rose is young and the consequence of a strange effort at beauty. The ants are compelled: warriors on pilgrimage to the heart (head) of fertility—a break in the war, or the ravages … No one remembers the adults enough to make use of the trauma in poems or pictures; only children peregrinations and not melancholy but the homesickness of adventure. Homesickness feels home is at the end, melancholy is waiting for not knowing what—dull smoke grows into orange. Or: you have a parasite so must remain then you are homesick for what you do not know. Some children are your siblings you will never know again, something has broken something has been invaded. If you are sick you remain childless, I swallowed the ocean unless you renounce you are a child you can go anywhere but have not trespassed the emptiness so as an immigrant are already forgotten, no trauma’s traced to you. You can carry a parasite into a new country if you renounce the country where it entered your body   Or hold a jar of honey in front of your mouth. IMPLANTATION OF A LIQUID ELEMENT: The real diseases would arrive   The old diseases were prohibitive   The new diseases would be permissive, you have to forswear the old diseases and pledge allegiance to the new diseases. The bible is jingoism   A family lived beneath the floor: in darkness but where daylight penetrated the seams of the house. They never spoke. Thinking was their creation. They were perfecting the memories of experiences from former lives they wanted to make whole and perfect for the next. A lake set into the crater of a mountain, the crater with an island, the blue blood of a horseshoe crab, atmosphere doubled upon itself, a small mound of pink camellias on a rock beside the water, teeth marks in the petals, and when a wind rides up the mountain and down into the crater, sweeping pollen across the water, the air above the lake is charged with a clarity to highlight spinning before the dark green pines rising from the island, a pair of teeth, the suggestion of a mouth bearing the teeth, a face bearing the mouth, a head the face, a body the head, an individual stormed out of the void, the accumulated life of each thought, faces once known, spinning out of the debris, lives spent in the dark beneath the feet of giants thinking of images fashioning into the space shared among the people who will make use of them, children around a fire. Children are waving long glow sticks and throwing the plastic wrappers on the ground. It is the anniversary of the bombing of Hiroshima. There is going to be a reenactment: at 9:30 (it should be 8:15), a fake bomb will be dropped. It is called a spectacle bomb. Everyone says it is going to be blinding; you can look, but everyone is cautioned not to. I separate from the crowd—there is an amusement park atmosphere—and stand on a hill to take notes. I discover strange sores and welts, abscessed, on my body, especially my arms, as though my body is reacting to the radiation, though the spectacle bomb is fake, and has not yet been dropped. I go back into the crowd to look for something to eat: soda, potato chips. Later, school buses bring people to the bomb reenactment site. It is 9:00. I hold my hand over the fish’s mouth—its eye grows larger. The fish breathes through its gills, my stomach knows … its condition as the grave— Rice paddies folded out from the center like petals from a single spike. The graveyard was the rice paddies folded in. Bleeding (flow) of characters moving (bleeding) down the mirrors and the wall try to speak (intone) the characters: arrested speech: You are exposed to a refrain of deep resentment. Sitting in front of a long rectangular mirror, I heard a woman’s voice talking (speaking) to someone who was not me and was not there (here). The moment I was drawn into the conversation, the woman’s voice disappeared. The mirror, an old, wise animal … 

from The Grave on the Wall by Brandon Shimoda

[unknownimagineblog]

Break the Shackles ( Diana Prince x Reader )

Part 1 Part 2

Summary: After the death of Steve, Diana sought after the Greek god of death, Thanatos. He hadn’t granted her what she wanted, so she turned to the next candidate who could grant her the wish she desires, but she obtains something she hadn’t expected.

There will be a part 2

italics represents a dream

Pairing: Diana Prince x Reader

Warning: “The woman” throughout the beginning of the story is the reader, long post

—

During World War I, Wonder Woman had defeated Ares, but had paid a great price.

She lost her ability to ever return home, and be lost within the foreign land of man. She had thought she would be able to cope with that, but when she lost the man who interpreted the man’s world for her, she felt an immense pain.

Diana had loved Steve Trevor, and would see him on the back of her eyelids as she slept. He always stayed with her.

Throughout World War II, Diana knew Wonder Woman was needed within these battles of man.

As she fought, she felt the pull of another god in the premises of the war. She hadn’t known who it was at the time, but when she passed a man in a black suit seemingly out of place in the bloody battles, she knew.

The god of death, Thanatos.

It was silly for her not to expect he wouldn’t linger among the battles, feasting off the carnage and picking out his victims among the young soldiers.

Diana finally cornered him in battle, thrusting her demands onto him, not forgetting to mention her victory in killing Ares.

She was disappointed when he told her that, even if he wanted to, he had no possible way of bringing Steve to being once again.

Diana had put all of her faith into that one viable option, and when that faith had gone sorrow filled its place once again.

He mention that he has heard of Anubis, the Egyptian god known for guiding ones souls into the afterlife, bringing souls back to the living world, though he recommended not to hope too much on the suggestion.

After searching for Anubis for decades, Diana decided to put it at the back of her mind and focus on recovering from Steve’s death.

When she met Bruce Wayne, and he mentioned that he wanted to get a group of elite individuals together, she immediately accepted the offer.

She decided being Wonder Woman would ultimately help her overcome her grief.

As Bruce sifted through possible recruits, she couldn’t shake the feeling of wanting to look up the Egyptian god. She leaned over, asking Bruce to look for someone with some sort of godly power, so he obliged.

He found no one.

She felt the disappointment coil in her stomach again, and it was obvious the man saw it on her face as he asked if she wanted to take a walk.

That’s how Diana found herself passing a coffee shop, looking into the window briefly to see the customers smiling to each other.

She looked at one of the patrons sitting in a booth near the back, and she caught the glimmer of a golden scar out of the collar of their jacket.

The brunette decided to take a chance, and made her way into the coffee shop.

She made her way over to the booth in the back, realizing that a woman sat in the dark corner sipping from a white paper cup.

Diana had felt it, just had she felt it when she had been in proximity of Thanatos. She felt the pull of another god.

“Anubis.” Was the only thing she muttered as she made herself comfortable across from the other woman.

It hadn’t seemed to panic the other, as she just looked at the brunette over her coffee.

“What gives you that idea?” She challenges, after placing the cup into the table. Diana had noted the foreign accent the woman had, after all these years her tongue had yet to mold to some of the syllables of English.

The princess then motioned to the collar of her shirt, where the scar she had spotted arched out of the collar of the woman’s sweater, and back in again.

All she earned was a chuckle from the woman, as she pulled the collar of her black sweater down to reveal the whole scar that marred her collarbone.

It was a cross shape, the top creating a loop.

“We all have it.” The woman said, sipping her coffee once again. “Doesn’t make me the one you desire.”

Diana realized she had a point, she had always remembered Anubis being depicted as a man. Maybe this woman wasn’t who she was looking for.

The brunette’s shoulders seemed to drop at the idea of never finding the jackal god, but she only nodded. A deep feeling of disappointment filled her chest, but it knocked her just a little closer to acceptance.

She decided it the duration of her time at the coffee shop had been enough, and she slowly made her way from the booth.

The woman’s eyes never left her back as she shuffled out, and for a minute they seemed to shift to a bright gold color.

After the encounter, Diana had put all her energy into fighting, and protecting the common citizen.

The princess finally got herself into a fight she was unable to handle, and any sort of League reinforcements were unable to reach her. Weather they hadn’t known where she was, or they were too far away to reach her.

This was a battle she was going to have to fight on her own.

The enemy seemed to be some sort of mutant with a fast moving metabolism, giving them the ability to heal from her blows within seconds. They had human features, but long silver scars covered their faces and bodies, making them almost unrecognizable.

Just as Wonder Woman was starting to get overwhelmed by the beings, a staff of gold came into view, slicing through the creatures causing silver blood to cover the sidewalk of the street.

The swing had taken only a few of the mutants out, and now they shifted their attention to the larger enemy, and away from Wonder Woman.

She decided this was her chance to get the surrounding civilians to safety, and leave the other hero to the fighting as they seemed more fit to do so.

After the innocents had been guided to safety, Diana charged back to the battle to only see it finished.

The being that came to her aid turned, and she became overwhelmed as she observed Anubis’ large figure standing almost half a block in front of her.

“They worship my father, Set.” The god said, turning to the Wonder Woman. “He promises them immortality, for him to possess them and cause havoc in the world he is no longer bound to.”

Their voice sounded deep, and echoed like a group of people were speaking the words Anubis had spoken.

In almost a blink of an eye, the dog faced figure of Anubis was replaced with the woman Diana had seen earlier in the coffee shop.

Something rose in the princess, a mix of anger and the small feeling of faith.

“Anubis.” Diana whispered, the same was she had in the coffee shop, only with a sort of intensity to it.

The woman turned to her, a smile played on her lips. “That name sounds to formal..” she seemed to pause for a moment, then spoke again.

“It’s too godly.” She spoke after a beat of silence. “Call me Y/N.”

Diana made the mistake of blinking, because in that moment, the woman had disappeared like she hadn’t been there at all.

The feeling that she was all too accustomed to came into her mind as the small feeling of faith evaporated once again.

—

Diana decided not to go looking for the woman anymore, she thought it unhealthy to chase after her for a thing she could never grasp.

She felt silly.

She had been sitting in the League base for days, on the couch with her legs tucked under her, looking out the window. The brunette hadn’t slept in days.

Diana heard the boys talking in the doorway several times, asking one another if she was alright. But none of them had made any attempt to bother her.

She was glad, she didn’t want to be disturbed.

A sudden rush of fatigue washed over her as she leaned further into the couch, though she tried to fight it, slumber’s heavy grip hadn’t let her go.

She had been submerged in water up to her waist, as she tried to reach the other side. All her effort was for naught, as soon as she would tread the water, it seemed to just expand farther in front of her.

Diana could hear him yelling out for her on the other bank, yelling for her to save him. She tried to yell back, but the only thing that spilled from her mouth was water.

Just as sudden as it appeared, the water seemed to disappear. She stood in a room, she looked out the large windows that took up most of one of the walls, all she could see was an expanding cityscape.

The sound of heels could be heard, and when the source of the sound finally arrived she turned to it.

There the woman stood, in dark clothing, looking out of place in the white finish of the pristine room. When she looked at Diana, all she could see was golden eyes.

“He speaks to me.” The woman said, she spoke in the same voice as Anubis had. It seemed to echo as she voiced her words.

“Steve asks you to let go Diana.”

[blackcoffeeatmidnights]

From Wildfire to Life

It all comes back in flashes. The year it took to get here. The lessons and losses that had to take place to get to a spot where you can finally say, you're doing fine. A year. So much can happen in a year, and that's exactly how long it's been since one of the most traumatic things that have ever happened to me. Perhaps this kind of language sounds dramatic but it's the cold hard truth. Hard stuff in life can traumatize you, and they can change you. I'm not the same person I was a year ago and I'm not sure if I'll ever fully get back to being that girl I once was.

I experienced a lot last year from gaining one best friend, losing another, and trying to put out wildfires that can't be tamed. When I really think about it, I think that maybe a wildfire is a good metaphor to describe it. Usually, I describe things with the weather, seasons, or the rain. Maybe this time it's not so much the weather but a natural disaster. What are wildfires? Usually wildfires can happen naturally whether it's by the sun or a lightning strike. But most of the time, wildfires happen due to human carelessness. More than likely, a wildfire spreads because of an abandoned campfire, intentional acts of arson, and the burning of debris. Carelessness can cause a whole mess of things and it can slowly turn into chaos. Which is why I don't think experiencing my first wildfire last year was an accident. I firmly believe it symbolized what was going on in my life at that time. A wildfire had ensued, and it had spread so much due to carelessness, that eventually, it couldn't be put it out. It couldn't be tamed.

Smoke can fill your lungs to the point where you eventually can't breath properly. It affects everything, and eventually, your lungs will turn black. Unless you put the fire out, the smoke will take over, blind you, and hold you down until you can't breath. The relevance to this metaphor is oddly familiar to how the end of last year was for me as whole. I lost so much last year. Things burned down, things were lost, and as much as I wanted them back, these things eventually turned to ashes. It's what happens when you experience the inevitable. And the thing about the inevitable, is that most of the time, it creeps up on you and when you see it coming, it's too late to restore.

I've been extremely vague over the last year about what's happened in my life, and I think I like it that way. But I also believe that what I've been through could help someone else, and bring glory to God in some way. So, I'll be honest, I lost a best friend. She was my best friend for seven years and throughout those seven years, I thought she'd be there forever. But it's not just thinking that maybe she'll be there forever, it's wanting her to be there forever. If you didn't know before, you'll know now that this person was the first real best friend I've ever had. It was something I had longed for my whole life, and then God brought her to me. She was my prayer partner, an encourager, a good friend, and one I confided in. During those seven years of friendship, I had learned what real godly friendship meant. It was a huge learning curve for me, and I struggled a lot but eventually, I was content. God had blessed me with a best friend, and I knew for a fact she'd be my best friend for life. Little did I know, God had other plans.

The fallout began to take fruition early last year but I was blind to it and eventually, it all burned down. It was a wildfire before I even realized it. As I watched a real wildfire burn right before my very eyes, I was also understanding that there was another wildfire in my life that would soon spread so rapidly in every area that it became unstoppable. It's morbid, I know but a fire will turn to ashes, and eventually, something good has to rise from the darkness of it all. It was dark, traumatic, and truly unforgettable but there was good in the loss. There was good in the pain. I gained another best friend, who I can honestly say is one of my favorite people on the entire planet. I gained perseverance, strength, and healing in the process. I gained so much more than I lost.

Wildfires cause damage. They cause smoke. Sometimes it's hard to breath but after the fire is finally quenched, you can breath again. And soon, you are able to rise up from the ashes and come back to life. This is exactly what the Lord has done for me. He's brought me back from messy aftermath and He's slowly but surely healing the burns. I will never say I know how to deal with loss in a great way because I don't. I'm still dealing with, and I still struggle. The aftermath has been hard from the uncertainty of whether or not I can trust people to wondering why any of it had to happen. But it did happen and God allowed it to. Why? Maybe I'll never know but perhaps He was keeping me safe or both of us safe from harm. Everything God does isn't to harm us, it's to shape us, refine us, and mold us into the person He has called us to be.

The verse I always fall back on is Habakkuk 3:17-19:

"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places".

It's such a beautiful example of what trust in God looks like. This is how I should be trusting Him. Though everything appears to be burning around me, I still trust that He knows what He's doing. If only I could lead by Habakkuk's example all the time. But I'm human and I still have those days where it's a struggle but I'm learning. He is faithful, and slowly He is teaching and showing me how to live again.

Have you ever lost someone? What Scripture has encouraged you? How has God healed you or put out the fire around you? Wildfires are scary but eventually, God will tame it. He will put it out, and you will live again.

[salosion]

Fact Is Fact Like Funfetti Is Funfunkin’fetti

You change the world around You by changing yourself.

You control your own thoughts now You shape Your life and control Your Destiny.

Your good thoughts become Your beliefs

You raise Your awareness and Live more consciously

You have the power to change Yourself as You see fit

You create Your Life as you see fit

Everything You desire is available to You

You release limiting beliefs You have the right to accept Your own Greatness You=You use Your own power to build the Life You want … hundreds of millions of times.

Affirmate the design designed to BURN away Self.

Fantasy ain’t no fiction,

Fantasy is as real as real is You, Your Imagination is a figment that at the same time is Imagining You.

Fantasy Ain’t No Fiction,

Fantasy Takes time for Her to appear,

Thats why patience was taught as a virtue;

Quietest thingamajig that’ll make you disappear.

. *BAM* bloom-explop-plode-plop up to reappear inside a dream outside a desire; upside a cloud but behind the bells of gospel soul angels flow inside Your frame aswell, Despite the fact that Your current existence is only existent through the molding and shaping of translations of conditions; vibrations are really ALL- Just like you just thought your thought I just then I thought my thought by thought that thought just then to thought to thought and thought out loud to prove the point that thoughts are thoughts that thought pure sounds inside your head; frequency and vibrations translating what is and what can be through the 5 given senses; the ears of sound directly tunnel-connected to the source, whilst the other utensils are deslightfully different in experience but in the fact and truth of things and laws that physic our notions of motion of the layers of perceptions we deposit at every moment; the whole moment. The moment when you realize that at the end of the day the rest of your senses end it’s contact with the last and first essential form that is ALL. AL✨˥ receives vibration and energy in various figures and forms that shake the breathe to breath and exist and leave a life well lived to leave through the vibration and frequencies that vibrate truth and spurs of reality through vibration; at the end, at the end it’s vibration.

At the end of the day it’s VIBRATION,

At the beginning of the day it’s VIBRATION,

ALWAYS IS VIBRATION.

Loud frequencies of the earth that shutter beneath the toes of your waddling feet;

Stepping steps around,

stepping steps of sound,

Music is what surrounds.

Music Is The Only Thing In LIFE That Surrounds=Fact=Reason=Because; Frequency Is Music Music is Frequency and that is well, sound.

VIBRATE from the ground and into the sky; just use Your found intuitive guide that sings broken melodies by it’s lonesome self; Proud so proud and loud cause fuck it I’m allowed, Im allowed cause I am sound. We are outer-dimensional beings of frequency of sound, thats how HEAVY and GODLY SOUND IS; Sound is So GODLY and So HEAVY IT’S OUTCOME IS AN ANOMALY AND ERROR OF SORTS THAT DEFIES THE CODES THAT ELEMENT THE CRITERIA OF OUR SUPERNATURAL EXISTENCE,LIFE IS SO DAMN CRAZY THAT TECHNICALLY WE SHOULDN’T EXIST THEN.

SOUND CREATES WHAT SEEMS TO US

AS

W

H

🕳

L

E

AND “REAL”/REAL AND CONCRETE.

S

U

N

D

SOUND IS US; SOUND IS WHAT YOU SEE ALL AROUND AND SWEAR TO SMITHERineS CONCRETE IS CONCRETE AND matter is what it seems but matter don’t matter cause matter doesn’t matter anyway, Atoms are Matter; Atoms are tiny little invisible vibrating balls of ENERGY; SOUND;VIBRATION. Take into consideration the Wh O le of the loop understand the duality that breathes life and the contradiction that is the end that begins the end and ends the begins and begins the end till’ they’re dancing cause they’re thirst can only be quenched and appear of existence to the things that just pretend concrete is really resistant passed the blood and fractures of the denotation of the wall, cement the fall that lets you fly or jive in the air by the beauitful blue sky that’s so winding shy it need’s it’s friends nearby to hide behind their fluff that fogs the eyes of the conscious holy Wh O le.

Acknowledge the fact that is concrete that be the concrete that is concrete in definitivity of the frame of the now grasp THE ABSTRACTIONS that radiates attraction and exists infinitely as potential of the flow in any shape size or form and dimension THAT WHICH IS IS CONCRETE CONCRETE IS THAT WHICH IS INFINITELY IMAGINABLE, (We’re thinking of the place right now our selves), we are tripping with the trippy trips that take consciousness though life to beat the steps and thoughts that act and feel and ground and sound beat, beat thats the Sound beat beat thump beat damn thats loud inside your head thats Invisible shards of spikes that sounds the loud thumping of the reason YOUR

Heart Strikes.

Pounds, pulsates with its rhythm of the bit; inventing reason and the time that never exists. A million years past Today.

There is a People,

You kind of well raised.

Our daydreams of sprinkled contradictions,

Form the world that makes our caked realizations finger up the glazed.

Everyone has been through,Everyone has been through,

Everyone has been through,Everyone has been through,

Everyone has been, Everyone has seen, Everyone does mean Everyone has been through the tangling of the thought that trumps our dreams into songs.

Everyone is mean,

Everyone does mean, One is evil if lived by mean and will crumble by own to it’s own inevitable evaporation due to singles own squandered potentials disintegration of the beauty and the power and the potential of a soul.

Can you believe it costs a soul imaginary money to claim it’s really free?

What is good what is be? What is bad, what is me, what is you what is we what is us won’t we see the time that illusions imaginary scheduled breeze like a prick popped the first balloon you ever got as a kid,

I hope we did. I hope we do.

I pray to God,

I pray to God,

I pray to God, at all continuing instants,with My heart.With My heart inside.

I adore and Love God so much, I adore and Love God so much, so so much.

I adore and Love God so monstering much<3 [Righteous Monster; Benevolent Monster, Meritorious hunky-dory of a crackerjack who gives his cookies to the hungry; The Best.]

I pray for me, I pray for you.

I pray for Love for all and Life for Each.

I Pray Because I AM.

I Pray to God because I am because and only because of God and His Righteousness, Kindness and Almightiness.

I AM BECAUSE OF G❤️D.

I sold my misdemeanors and partied off my crimes;

But my ego I traded for enlightenment so insightful, full sights dives of divine.

Only Love can fill the wh O le and light the reason You flicker luminance carved around free will will free be the humans if they free what they hold so bold only rainbows will do as their told cause the axis was spinning frenzy when the colors saw the soul;

Gravity was developed through the outcome of the wh O le makes the reason reasons gratified with its own existence of existence to existence of transperity too keep the heart in hand with the soul

Arise with the sun, and all them lazy dreamers.

Reality it ain’t,

Reality it won’t ever be,

Cause the only thing that ever really exists,

is the moment you’re standing in N🎁W.

[lucyninjawife]

Understanding For Better..For Worse..

On our wedding days we made a contract.  A contract to God and the law that you would “Have to hold from this day forward…..For better for worse...For richer, for poorer..”  But how soon do we forget the layers that contract is.

What is a Contract?

  Let’s break it down by the small minute details.  A Contract according to the dictionary is..

“A written or spoken agreement, especially one concerning employment, sales or tendency, that is intended to be enforceable by law.”

I’m sure in your adult life you have signed a few of these… even when you weren’t as smart as you are now.  Like that time I bought a car from a coworker and blue smoke started coming out of the tailpipe… and I was still making payments on it.  I didn’t really go over the terms of what would happen in the case that the used car decided to die before I paid it off.

I was young… this was one of my first cars.. Maybe #2 for me actually, and it was used.  I decided I wasn’t gonna pay because I didn’t have a car to drive. She sued me, and I gave her half as a settlement.  But indeed I learned the hard way. 

What about the people that end up on The People’s Court for also buying lemons or unfinished contractual work.  Well that contract with your Marriage is also just as important as the plumber not fixing the plumbing.

For Better..

For Better sounds good on every side.  The shmoney is right, there’s groceries in the fridge, the gas tank is full, you’re looking less bloated in your favorite dress, and you are having a good hair day.

Have you ever stopped to really think if everything went right, life would be boring?

What about the rich kids who overdose on drugs, curse or even kill their parents because they head “NO”?  

Was there a period(s) in life that were REALLY hard, but you dissect the situation and you come to the conclusion that that situation molded your grit.  Gave you the integrity that you have today. It gave you your work ethic or attention to detail?

That could’ve happened if everything was “For Better..”.

In my house, it’s good when it’s good.  Me and the Hubs don’t argue like we did years ago because we really have made a decision to learn and to respect each other’s ticks.  Everyday, financially stable or not is always an episode of a sitcom. It makes me sweat and gives me great anxiety…. I didn’t even know I had anxiety until I became an adult.  But when it’s going well I’m not really challenged… I’m at a plateau, not learning new strategies. Agree?

For Worse..

For worse can really make you want to bury your head in the sand and only peek when there’s a music festival on the beach.  I’ve been there, sometimes every other week. I have to verbally (literally) tell myself to come out of it. But my mission is to be a better person.

When the “For Worse” comes down the turnpike, we want to get our hat and run.  The For Worse comes in different shapes, smells, and forms. But we base it on being “happy” or the For Worse stage is not making us happy.

Largely we, us humans, are programed to be ungrateful.  The commercials and ads we encounter daily, which statistics say we are exposed to approx 5k a day are always luring us out of our money.  As soon as you by the car of your dreams, here comes the commercial for the newest model and now you're regretting the decision you made to take the plunge.

The For Worse all has its own time lengths.  There is NOT a time limit that is limited to 2 weeks… though that seems most favorable.  It could be actually go for 3mo….8mo which is almost a full term pregnancy….1yr…...5yrs. But here we are again..

“I’m just not happy anymore” Cry me a river…. Sorry, not sorry if I don’t feel sorry for you.

I definitely believe there are drawn lines.  Godly ones. There are things that’s unreasonable to be classified as worse.  And if it is your plan to live the Godly marriage, below are some of the windows of escape for you..

Infidelity: but there have been many successful relationships that have come back from this.  As long as both parties make a decision to be faithful. Infidelity doesn’t have to be the death, there are no cookie cutter outcomes either.  Sometimes infidelity can be for marital neglect, witholding of sex from each other, revenge, bad habits, lack of respect for the contract….etc

Abuse:  This can happen is three forms, verbal, physical and financially.  Verbal can be degrading, barrating, constant attack of your character.  Not petty name calling but the verbal abuse that’s almost just as bad as being physically abused.  You can feel like your fear for your life and mental wellbeing. Physical is pretty much self explanatory.  A man that hits you, pushes you with his hands, and other members of his body. Often times he can apologize and try to give you gifts to make up for it, but I have not personally known this action to be curable...as I have never known anyone who has been physically abused either.  Financially is more than your husband being cheap, irresponsible with his money and stingy. This is when your practical needs aren’t met and he has the means to do so. When he verbally abuses you when you need food, personal items, or won’t let you have the keys to your car, gas to put in your car when money is available.  And withholding money from you because he wants to keep you away from your friends and family.

Sexual deprivation:  Did you know that sex was made for Married Couples.  Originally...Biblically so we aren’t out there testing the multiple murky waters and peitry dishing new STD/STIs… but having that one sexual bound for your one mate.  But anyway… back to my point…. Biblically you aren’t supposed to “defraud one another” which means withold sex from the other to keep from dipping on the otherside. Although I’m not gonna talk a lot about in in this post, you should be adaquaitly be sexually matched with your mate i.e high sex drive, medium, little.  Most men have medium to HIGH sex drive, which also means that out of 7 days in a week, he should be able to have your thick thighs around him 3-4x’s a week. Yes!!!! Don’t argue with me.

Now, all those listed says you are within your rights of a Contract Breech if you are currently living here in these scenarios.

The goal for all of this For Better and For Worse are supposed to create you both into “One Flesh”.  One flesh meaning the Ying and Yang, Ketchup and Mustard, Peanut Butter and Jelly… get it. And that’s thru Worse.

The Petty

I have been asked many, what I call petty questions about ending their Marriage.  Like my MIL (mother-in law) and I don’t get along” or the difficult blended family scenario…. Or “he didn’t stand up for me”.  Remember there is NO cookie Cutter for any of these scenarios, but you have to keep focused and strategize your sanity.

Being Married, a mother, a wicked stepmother and an adult, I have developed some pretty wonky emotions.  Anxiety has claimed residence in my body, but like my favorite writer says that I have to remind myself often.. 

“There’s has been few rainbows in my clouds”

Maya Angelou

Just about every other week… maybe day, that I feel like I want to run, flee from my disappointment.  But after I quit my anxiety down and come from the land of Petty, I think about all the things that are going right, what I’m thankful for, my family, my kids, the outcome.  Did you also know that the decisions that you make doesn’t just effect YOU. Especially if there are kids involved.  

Calm down...I’m not saying stay for the kids… but yea, stay for the kids.  I have literally feel in and out of love with my Hubs, but that’s because I stopped working, stopped challenging us and being adventurous.

Marriage is work. 

I’m sure if you got a degree, high school to phD, it was work and sometimes it almost kills you, but you still inch along.  Why don’t you give your Marriage Contract the same justice?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post, so drop me a line.

[gracedman]

Grace Teaches the Heart

Titus 2:11–15 (ESV)

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works. Declare these things; exhort and rebuke with all authority. Let no one disregard you.

 Are you an educated person? You may have degrees and certifications, enough to fill multiple walls in your personal space. You may have enough dust catchers to keep a person busy cleaning for an hour or so. You may “have prophetic powers and understand all mysteries and all knowledge.”  But unless the God of all grace and the grace of God have been your trainers, you are spiritually ignorant, a spiritual zero. One of the first scriptures I was ever taught, is this one and it is so true today:

  1 Corinthians 2:14–16 (ESV)

The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual person judges all things but is himself to be judged by no one. “For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?” But we have the mind of Christ.

 The pathway that leads one from the natural mindedness of the soulish person up into the spiritual mindedness requires the personal training of the Holy Spirit. Grace must touch and teach the heart, for there to be such a transformation. I am not sure we are always willing for such a change to be made. But grace invades a life to redeem us from all ungodliness and lawlessness and to purify us. Christ gave himself for us so that beyond our salvation, he might destroy the works of the devil within us and train or teach us to be singular for him. This is God’s purpose for our lives. Beyond what we do outwardly, God is after purity within our hearts and minds. David related to this purpose when he penned these words:

  Psalm 139:1–6 (ESV)

O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

 Grace does not manipulate us or force us into molds with outward pressure. Grace is much like the rain that falls on a forest floor. The rain enhances the growth of many different types of seeds. Each seed develops and grows according to its own genes and environment, some are great oaks, which last for decades, others are grass that may wither and die after a short season. But the same rain falls on them all. The word of his grace has been described this way:

  Acts 20:32 (ESV)

And now I commend you to God and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up and to give you the inheritance among all those who are sanctified.

 Grace can strengthen and build up the heart by directing the heart into the purity of God’s love and mercy. It renews the innermost places of our being, the heart of hearts. Grace will develop within us a capacity for experiencing and doing the supernatural things the plan of God will ask of us. It builds and constructs within us the structure and support to remain faithful to God in tight places and under extreme pressures. Grace will teach the heart to love supernaturally:

  1 Corinthians 13:4–8 (ESV)

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

 When grace builds the heart and teaches it to love, we endure without fainting and are not shaped by our personal reactions to circumstances. Forgiveness will flow from such a heart. Kindness will ooze from the very pores of such a heart. It will be hard to discover where the human person ends, and where God begins and visa versa. Jesus Christ was such a person. Whatever you may prefer to call him, in your language, he was a human person who flowed with divine life. He is and forever will be everything God wants a human being to be and become:

  John 14:7–11 (ESV)

If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him.” Philip said to him, “Lord, show us the Father, and it is enough for us.” Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you so long, and you still do not know me, Philip? Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own authority, but the Father who dwells in me does his works. Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me, or else believe on account of the works themselves.

 Lord Jesus, teach our hearts today what this great mystery is, you living in us and we living in you. Help to have the construction done so that this change is real. Amen!!!

[mattmoore007]

Saul, David and life today

Before I begin this short study of how aspects of Saul and David’s life relate to a real world example, I must point out that this is not an attack on any individual or organization. Rather it’s a new way great way to study scripture and see the where the problems really are. Because as the word says in Ephesians 6:12,

    ‘For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.’

So in essence it’s there is one of two spiritual powers that will rest over those involved, be it God or demonic forces. Equally, for the human element that’s under the demonic influence, we must not hate just understand, love, forgive and pray for their deliverance.

The following is a breakdown of the life, conflict, and death of the battle between David and Saul.

 Saul’s Call:

          Saul was a man not chosen by God to be king of the people, more the idea of what the people wanted for their king (1 Samuel 12:13). As they had lost sight of their true king and wanted to be like the world around them, thus having someone who fitted their mold.

          So how do we relate this to life and Ministry: In ministry or indeed life we can fall into the trap of choosing and indeed running after those who our carnal nature wants and not God. Whether that be in life choices, relationships (friend or romantic) or ministry.

For example, you may see someone you really like and believe in your heart they are the one, however, you don’t truly seek God and so believe his will is in line with yours. Everything is great then something happens and you say ‘why God?’ And his response is ‘because you didn’t ask what I thought.

 As I have seen/heard about in ministry, when a group of so called godly individuals chose their candidate for a leadership position, which is purely based on their own ideas and ideals and has little to no bearing on God or indeed his will.

 David the chosen one of God is anointed:

            Approximately 15 years after Saul being King, David the chosen one of God (Psalm 78:70) was anointed by the Prophet Samuel and by Gods clear instruction, therefore anointed and chosen by God not man. Indeed Saul (the man the people wanted) allowed compromise and ungodly worldly views shape his life, thus allowing an evil spirit to inhabit his being. A quote from Bible.org puts it this way,

‘God is righteous, and that means that God cannot overlook sin. Saul had sinned, and he had rebelled against God. The Spirit was given to Saul so that he could reign as king. Saul was rejected as Israel's king, and David was anointed by Samuel. The Spirit of God came upon David, at the same time it left Saul (1 Samuel 16:13-14). An evil spirit then came upon Saul. This spirit could not afflict Saul without God's permission so that ultimately this spirit came from God.

Saul's "evil spirit" is something like Satan coming upon Judas, to betray the Lord's anointed (John 13:2, 27). God's Spirit did not leave Saul, nor did the evil spirit enter him until after Saul had rebelled against God and God had announced to him that his kingdom was to go to another (1 Samuel 15:28).’

          Today a similar instance happened when a man chosen by man, would allow compromise in what he did and not speak the truth and serve only what people wanted to hear. Thus Gods hand was removed from the work, it was no longer blessed and went into a steep decline and the demonic spirits reigned. You see when people follow their own desires, wicked behavior is the usual result.

 Jealousy:

         Saul became Jealous of David because of all he was doing for God, and thus set out to destroy him, (11 Samuel 17:57-18:16)

When someone leaves a work the spirit that controlled them stays behind and seeks to cause chaos. This spirit will look for other weak individuals to inhabit.

       We see this many times sadly in ministry, where God sends his anointed one to salvage a damaged ministry with the hope of giving second chances and allowing his work to be fulfilled. Yet as with David and Saul, the spirit working through the leaders becomes jealous and angry, because it does not want anyone to come to Christ. So it uses its vessels to bring destruction on the anointed one of God because through their hand's growth and change is happening in a right and Godly way. However, the spirit over Gods vessel forces him out and into the wilderness. But like David, God allowed it so this person could come back stronger for him and his purposes. The result though is three fold, Gods hand is gone from the ministry/work that messed with Gods anointed, Psalm 105:15 says,

‘Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm.’

Equally Gods vengeance now awaits, unless they repent and come back to God. But for those harmed with must still show grace and love.

‘19 dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirsts, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.’  Romans 12:19-21

 David shows ultimate grace to Saul on many occasions during his exile. But one noted event would be when David was encouraged to kill Saul while they were in the same cave and Saul had no idea (1 Samuel 24).

During this point in the story, David was encouraged by his men to kill Saul while he had the chance. But David understood the importance of not hurting someone God has anointed (even though it had been lifted) and especially in honoring his position as king. Yet in this instant, he snuck up on Saul and cut off a piece of his garment (1 Samuel 24: 4-7).

An example of that today may be people encouraging the hurt individual to attack using media, legal proceeding, reporting to outside agencies about misconduct etc. But I know someone who in a sense followed David’s line and just tuck a piece of the garment and move on. This was done because he knew it was not for him to destroy an individual or former ministry now ungodly work, but for God to have vengeance in the spiritual realms.

David even demonstrated love and compassion to King Saul by not hurting him and indeed going out to meet him and kneeling in reverence before him. David sought forgiveness for what he had done, yet in order to do this, he needed to first forgive (1 Samuel 24: 8-21). Again we must remember it’s not the individuals at fault but the spirits manipulating them. So we need to pray for them and show love, compassion, and forgiveness.

Judgement:

Within a short time, King Saul would seek solace in all the wrong places, including with a medium/ Witch

(1 Sam 28:3-28:14).

Saul even had a Godly man in his ranks in the form of Samuel the Prophet, however, King Saul never came to repentance. So while David was preparing for what was to come, Saul fell into decline and inevitably it cost him his life. No repentance brings destruction in the end.

So it is with any ministry that becomes something ungodly at heart, yet parading as godly which is the greatest deception. They will suffer Gods judgment, thus if the people don’t repent and come back to God the work will end because untimely God will not be mocked (Galatians 6:7). But out of the ashes as with David becoming King something new will rise for the glory of God.

But for those lost in sin and ungodly practices and beliefs we need to pray, especially if they are in positions of leadership in churches or ministries.