lucyninjawife

[lucyninjawife]

Product Review: Edge Naturale

I was given the opportunity to receive a product from Edge Naturale, the Follicle Enhancer. I am a Cosmetology (retired) by trade, and I think I will forever have a love for hair, products, products and more products.

For those who have been with me for years know that I have had some health issues, mainly with thyroid function and something adjacent to my slow thyroid function. Hypothyroidism and PCOS ( PolycysticOvarian Syndrome), which makes so much sense in hindsight.

Both of these lovely auto immune diseases leave hair thinner.

I have kept my hair short for the better part of 15yrs, mainly because my hair has been thinner in the middle. I have never really had problems like some do with edge damage from wig gluing abuse or tight braids. My hair has always been thick and grows fast, but when I get the urge to grow out my luxurious locks…I am reminded about how thin the middles.

In the past I have tried products for my thinning middle like Nioxin, with their root enhancers and shampoo and conditioners, but the downfall is with with black hair and/or coarser textures, it doesn’t give much moisture that our hair needs.

So..to my curiosity and excitement I was able to try this product.

I was happy to find tat this product isn’t greasy but has a creamy consistency. I personally need and welcome moisture in my hair, but I like my hair to still have to movement and body, which heavy oils can hinder.

The smell is pleasant, not too strong, but a light hint of a mint or tea tree smell. After applying it, I felt my scalp breathing, and somehow it feels like my head has a clean and refreshing feel.

I am anxious to see more results for my middle growth, and I’m feeling optimistic.

If you need to grow some areas of your hair be sure to visit and follow @EdgeNaturale

[lucyninjawife]

Wearing Your Emotions on Your Sleeve Will Sabotage Your Love Life Everytime

When you are dating, and seriously trying to nab you a life partner, you have to move carefully. First impressions are often hard to recover from, but not impossible. You’ve got to learn to put your game face on and it stays on until you are in the privacy of your own company.

Men are hunters. They love to work for the things that are worth their own salt. I would like to thing anyone who has a pulse wants to earn something that they love. Honestly, a “Block Buster” movie is a perfect chemistry of conflict, action, heartbreak, and the ultimate dangle the carrot in front of the protagonist.

But what current women of our times…. I think we have terms for them…”thots”… are among us. And if not particularly called that, there is that behavior that resembles it. It’s true that there are double standards out there about women wanting to be and feel liberated about being sexual creatures. I don’t care who is screaming from the roof tops, there is a solid population of men that appreciate the traditional role of “happily ever after”.

Thots come a dime a dozen. They advertise what they can offer a man. Leaving nothing to the imagination. Don’t get. me wrong, men will take what ever will sit on their lap, but they may never wife her up. Men like to be challenged. They like it so close, but yet so far away.

I know how rough it is out here in these streets trying to find a “man”, a solid individual who has most of the basics under wraps…. like a job, an apartment that’s not with his mama, no kids or at least not a small football team, not gay or toying with his masculinity. I know girl its a lot! And it’s almost like as soon as you spot him you hurry up a swoop him up before he turns into a pumpkin. But you can’t be desperate and obvious.

Women….we are emotional creatures. We like to wear our emotions on our sleeves. We feel. We over feel. And sometimes its safe, but in this case it makes you prey. If you’re a gambler or not you have to find your “poker face”. I talk about this so much because it is important and so necessary.

When me and the Hubs were dating, I can NOT tell you the many times I had to dangle the carrot in front of him to let him know that I am good by myself…..even if it scared me just a little every time I stepped back. But my plan was to ALWAYS be cute, and pretend as if I was always a not so needy person.

​

Dating doesn't have to be complicated

YES GIRL!

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Have you ever encountered turtles? Well they hate loud noises. Or maybe it just scares them, they sense danger to unfamiliar noises. Sometimes you have pretend you don’t see them peeking their heads out right away. While their checking to see if it’s safe on the surface, you keep looking ahead but don’t make any sudden moves or sounds until they are so far away from hiding. That’s what a real man wants to do when he’s ready to get deeper with you.

You scare him when you are always yelling about him not returning your phones calls, not taking you to an expensive restaurant, not meeting his family. Keep your composer. You’re gonna compose yourself like your life is as equally busy.

People who are overly emotional are unpredictable and exhausting. You shouldn’t be upset when he and you are “dating” and he is seeing other people. You don’t go over to him and raise cane because you feel disrespected. You have NO commitments from him!! Or threaten to beat up the girl, it’s 85% NEVER her fault!

Just get used to it, we are a texting society. No one wants to call on the phone or look each other in the eye. If you guys are texting back and forth, you WILL NOT act like the needy girl who OVER TEXTS him and explode because he’s not as efficient as you, you find something to occupy your time. Let him get in about 2-5 texts before you respond. You NEVER want to appear desperate or available at all hours, because that leads to the other host of late night calls. And don’t act like you have no clue what I mean…..Booty Calls.

Booty Calls are late night drive by’s to your or his house. He never takes you out when the sun is bright and shinny because you are what he uses to pass the time. If you end up in this category you will NOT be getting a ring in this century.

Dating has to be strategic. You have to have these conversations with yourself so you will know how to act in public. Do more listening then talking. That way you will learn all you need to learn, and you might be able to determine early on if this is going anywhere.

[lucyninjawife]

Marriage and Mental Health and Other Illnesses

I like to equate my mental change about 10yrs ago, that’s the youngest of daughters I have who affectionately kicked over all the furniture of my mind. It started off as what I thought was PPD (postpartum depression). That word stood out to me for some reason when I was pregnant with Gianna. It’s weird but I always keep freak things like this in the back of my mind.

I’ll spare you all the details of all the hopelessness and sadness I experienced, but it was really bad. I knew early on it was a condition called Hypothyroidism, but I didn’t have insurance anymore, and the free clinic doctors said that they thought I was just depressed. Depressed, yes, but there was more evidence that it was more, like weight gain, the inability to lose weight, depression, insomnia, mood swings, unexplained anger…. and so on.

I went a few more years white knuckling my symptoms. Putting on a happy face when I didn’t feel like it. I didn’t want to do anything, laughing was a chore, and not to mention having smaller kids that needed my attention.

It took me official 7 yrs to get a semi/half-hearted diagnosis of Hypo. And just last year did I receive the diagnosis of having PCOS( polycystic ovarian syndrome), that is another fun diagnosis that just made things more pronounced. The rule is, when you have one autoimmune disease you almost are laying out the welcome mat for the next one. I have learned that in this last year that most people have two.

Both PCOS and Hypothyroidism mirror the same symptoms such as depression, weight gain, mood swings, bu PCOS makes you insulin resistant, which makes loosing weight almost impossible, more at risk for type 2 diabetes, etc. And all this weighs heavy on the mind.

Not one can speak against a woman who is trying to hold on to hr emotions while nurturing small kids. I closed my daycare biz down a year after Gianna was born, because mentally, I could not keep it together. Frankly, I knew something was real wrong when I was pregnant. I used to go in the kitchen, sit on the floor and sob. I would sob because I was sad. I was sob because I didn’t know why I was sad. And I’ve always been a pretty light person, but this was different.

The Hubs had decided sometime before she came along, that he wanted to go back to school, and he was still finishing up thru it all. Those were also some of the hardest days of my life. A non traditional student, with a full time job and being the sole breadwinner since his wife was incapable.

We are in a world that sees permanent as not that permanate at all. Especially when it comes to vows. Marriage vows are about as serious now as hair color. One day you want this and the next day you aren’t committed to it anymore.

I recently encountered a husband who was looking for an out from his marriage. He talked about having his 3 small kids under 5yrs old, and how his wife seems to be a bit ditzy. He went on to state that his wife is no good with money, manages to keep the kids alive but he felt she had a drinking problem. All symptoms pointing to some type of postpartum something and maybe ADHD and bipolar. I do have a background in psychology, I’m not a doctor but I am equally obsessed with the mind. The Hubs is a Social Worker/Therapist and he’s a stickler for people to misdiagnose people, and I get it. But this husband was/is willing to throw his wife away with really KNOWING why she seems like a ditzy kid.

There was this ABC 20/20 story done some time ago about mothers who drank wine/liquor in their coffee cups because motherhood/parenthood is a LOT. Bringing up kids, for me is a multiple choice. You don’t want them to have the same emotional scars as you but you can’t let them get away with everything either. That alone can drive one, no me, to drink.

I am so grateful to the Hubs for sticking with me, and talking me off many metaphoric ledges about childhood traumas and my recent diagnosis, and teaching me about the triggers I didn’t know that I had.

What I have come to learn in the last decade is, people grow up…. their bodies grow up, but sometimes their minds are time warped. Most times subconsciously if not consciously. Sometimes as we grow as adults, our chemistry changes, which ultimately effects us mentally.

Though we still are fighting a uphill battle in making mental health treatment available to EVERYONE, we are more knowledgable for treatment than even my/our grandparents. I’m lucky that I have a doctor who somewhat lets me guide my care. That doesn’t always happen and I think doctors spoil like old milk. You have to be your own advocate.

If you have a spouse who is suffering from a mental illness here are some actionable tips.

Mental illness doesn’t always have to be the end of the world. Medicine is more advanced, but you have to be ALERT!

You want a doctor that is attentive. There is really no way to know until you have interacted with them a few times like, do they call in prescriptions on time or reply when you need a refill, do they listen to you and give you the respect of knowing your body.

Do your own research!! Sometimes Google can be helpful. Type in your symptoms and see what it says. Sometimes after it pulling up a diagnosis you can read more things about in articles and books.

Join Support groups. Now Facebook is great for this if nothing else. You can find a group that suits your needs, and ask questions, share your experiences, people are really supportive and it’s all hours of the day and night.

Take notes. Don’t come to the doctor empty handed and don’t leave empty handed. Ask questions that you’ve acquired before seeing them and don’t be afraid to contest it.

YOU KNOW YOUR BODY!!! Don’t let anyone tell you that “it’s all in your mind”. You live with you or your spouse, THEY DON”T. If they don’t seem to help solve your issues, FIRE THEM!!

To have a spouse with mental illness doesn’t mean that they should be abandoned. It means you just have to advocate for them in a different way. Have some patience, some optimism, some compassion, some love…. and it wouldn’t hurt to think about those vows “for sickness or in health”.

Another wife I have helped had married her husband who was already diagnosed with Schizophrenia. That diagnosis used to be morbid back in the day. But it wasn’t until I worked with her to “see” him when he went thru a tail spin.

He was “normal” while medicated…. a little laid back and not in any hurry of anything. But one day he felt like he was “healed”. The wife had turned her blind eye to him and his care, their communication was null and void. It had been about 6mo from his last shot. He soon spiraled into a manic stage and it caused a big rift in their life.

But I see a few things wrong with this.

Dealing with a spouse with mental illness starts with communication. A wife (and a husband) should know their husbands’ intimately. Know what makes them tick, his off days, the land mines, etc. And help aid him from going into those areas. It can get to a point where it is unreasonable and unbearable, but that is based on the beholder.

If you really know your husband, you will know what medicine and treatment that will help them stay balanced. There will be up and down days.

Life is like your favorite tv episodes. If it was perfect and without conflict, you’d never watch it. So it’s not the end of the world, just a little bit of a challenge.

[lucyninjawife]

"I Think My Marriage Is Over..."

When I hear someone say. “I think my marriage is over” my heart sinks, literally. I feel like if I can just sit them down we could work all this out. But when someone can say this, it means, usually, that their heart has become harden to each other and this was a process from over time, not just the moment in which they verbalized it.

Marriage is work. I was recently in a debate on social media about marriage being hard or not hard. Coming from someone who is NOT married, you are simply speaking from the “CHEAP SEATS”.

It looks easy when you’re sitting on the couch and the baseball came is in the last inning, and the batter up misses the ball. People will yell at the tv because in their minds, from that couch, they have hit a home run and got all the players home safely too. CHEAP SEATS!!

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Marriage is HARD!! I cannot and will NOT sugar coat it. It’s more than ONE day with a God awful expensive dress that we will never wear again, and feed people that don’t respect our efforts no way, they will complain that the food was cold or disgusting. You will suffer some debt because a wedding day is NOT an investment on anything, not even your marriage.

Couples harden their hearts by petty things, resentment, never talking about the core issues, making excuses of why you can’t spend quality time together, and after the children come it gets more complicated because couples practically hand over their marriages to their kids. All because you think their helpless and defenseless and they will just not survive unless they sleep in your marital bed, and you HAVE to go to EVERY GAME they have because you are supportive parents.

I believe marriages are repairable, but to people that are willing.

Growing up, I can count one one hand of how many sports functions and extra circular things my mom ever showed up to. This isn’t even to discredit her. In SFC we had buses to bring us to and fro, or we were transported for the sake of the team. She would say as a rule of thumb..

“Choose 2 sports or activities you want to do because I’m not driving all over for these activities”. And I AGREE!!!

I have a hate hate relationship with sports. My 3 bonus daugther’s were in sports that took over life every week. And me and the Hubs weren’t full time goers. Sports has become more serious like they are professional players at the age of 5 and up! Every weekend they have tournaments, and games. No thank you! Does that mean a marriage is supposed to be put on pause until the kids move out?! Then they leave and that’s been 5-10 yrs that have flown by and you both have evolved, and now you realize your taste are different and they exclude each other.

That’s why marriages are in trouble.

Heres a few tips to keep your marriage from becoming stale:

Date once a week. Even thru quarantine, send the kids to the room, or go to your private lair, Netflix and Chill, give him a GOOD RUB!! And he will be happy to return the favor

Talk. That’s without the tv, just small talk, talk about your dreams, create some near future goals, some long term goals. DREAM!!

Go AWAY!!! Can you manage ever 6wk and no longer than 8 wks to leave to a place where you two can be alone and reconnect. That can be to the nearest big city, or to wine country. Eat good food, love, make love and have good conversations. These small trips can renew something fresh in your relationship, and bring home new fire of motivation.

DO NOT GIVE YOUR MARRIAGE OVER TO YOUR KIDS!!!! The kids will be fine because you will provide their basic needs, but you do not need to have them in your marital bed, going to EVERY function they have, and disrespecting each other to them or in front of each other. Kids will play you both like fiddles.

Don’t let your marriages fall to the way side. It’s all preventable. Have you had to pull your marriage out of the toilet? I’d like to know what you did. Do tell!

[lucyninjawife]

Mr. Potential vs. Mr. Potential

Everyone on earth has potential. I’m sure your mama thinks you have great potential, maybe even your grandmother or favorite teacher has spoken on it. You are probably smart enough that you have the “potential” to be a rocket scientist… but did you pursue that line of work?

Potential is like beauty..” It’s in the eye of the beholder”. You might like the fashion I choose and vice versa. To desire “potential” in a man is important because it gives you a small glance into what you can expect from him as a person, a provider, a companion, and mover and shaker, in whichever lane he moves and shakes.

We have something inside of us that is attracted to certain traits and even potential.

I was young when I married my first husband, though I don’t find that to be an excuse, but I honestly was so green. I just wanted to be loved… that was daddy issues ( we can discuss later).

My ex, I’ll call him Tom. Tom had no realistic drive. He had drive for things that were out of reach for our current situation. He would ditch work to go play basketball with his friends. Kobe was pretty new and Jordan was just retired… so why was he trying to be Jordan?! We didn’t go to a college, there were no scouts who were looking to recruit random YMCA basketball players, but we did have rent to pay.

I honestly can’t remember him paying many bills. I’ve been homeless before so I wanted to keep a roof over my head, so I just scheduled my bills to make sure I had a roof over my head and food to eat.

Tom’s other hobby was music. My brother is a musical genius(not bragging but he knows music) and he always has had equipment. Tom loved playing around with my brothers equipment and making songs, while again… ditching work. I was in the throws of life, I had no time to encourage him because we hadn’t built a foundation of anything!! I didn’t even drive!

Down the road he had gotten distracted with hanging with some Godfather wannabe, who would call at we hours of the night and morning when I had a new born. There was nothing that could sustain my livelihood… not to mention he was spreading his marital love around to women outside of our marriage. So I took the window of opportunity.

If I was smarter, which eventually I became. I needed a man who had more than the potential to be a NBA player, or the potential to be a good man, but no action behind it. Potential doesn’t keep a roof over your head, or your stomach filled. Potential has to be able to sustain your livelihood in this situation.

Mr. Potential can be “he’s very smart, good with money.... if he just puts it into work he could be rich”. Don’t fall for the hype. There are so many smart men.

Mr. Working Potential might not be rich rich but he provides. He’s a self starter, never lets life get him down to where he doesn’t work. Never leaves a job without another job or a plan.

To be a “Self-STarter” is someone that doesn’t need a whole lot of outside encouragement to do what he’s supposed to do. Compliments and encouragement is welcomed but not required. It’s like when my kids clean their room. I don’t pat them on the back and say “good job”, I expect that to be what they do. It’s their responsibility.

Don’t settle for a man that does less than expected and THINK that your love will encourage him to move mountains. If your love does all that, it’s because he’s been already, moving grassy hills.

[lucyninjawife]

I Don't Need A Man..

Let's be real…

Or maybe give you a short lesson on life… You know, “birds and the bees”…

God made a man and a woman for the purpose of not having the man be alone… for procreating. Yes, I know it's a bit more complicated now but here’s the deal....No one needs a man. But if you see yourself with a family in the near-er future, it is perfectly ok to start focusing on lining things up. Men and Women were bad for each other like two peas in a pod… why can’t I desire him?

I was about 22yrs old when I felt my biological clock was not only riging, but it resembled a gong. It was loud and sometimes nerve racking because I wanted a baby YESTERDAY!! I obviously needed a man to help me get there. I ain't gonna lie, I was a bit desperate... It gets pretty serious when, what we call our “biological clock” starts to tick. We get determined, and aggressive. If it hasn’t happened to you yet, ask someone you know who has multiplied the earth.

But as someone who hasn’t quite gotten all the basics tied down, you do not in the way as “I would take any warm body just because he had the abilities to give me what i wanted at the moment”, but desperate as I didn't want to wait another 5/10yrs. So I got focused.

I watched a show recently, I cannot tell you which, but they talked about how crazy making a list was. * insert stank face* I was insulted!! A list is everything!! Let me tell you why. When you know yourself, you make list. You make list to remind you of things you need to get done, when youre running errands, going grocery shopping, etc. So why does a list sound cliche' when thinking up a man with said qualities?

When I was lonely, I decided to make a list. Well it was more elaborate than that. My ex wasn't all I needed to sustain life. But it was my fault to not really pay attention to that. I thought that marriage was solid, periodt. But it was far from it. I needed a man to be a father to the chidren I desired to bring into the world, someone who could keep a solid job... and not cycle every 3 mo and quit or get fired. Someone to help me with the finances, bills mainly. And I knew what I neeed from what I was lacking. I knew that I could not be single. I wanted the whole dream. The white picket fence, a dog, a cat, some kids… I thought girls until they all actually showed up and I’m finding myself doing a lot of hair… that’s another long story.

But after I made that list, I kid you not, I was able to “see” my husband. When I say “see” I mean I knew him for years. He was just "crazy Dan". But we were spending more time together because we were going through similar life transistions and we were just each other's shoulders, so to speak. I had asked God if I can peek over the wall that was blocking me from seeing my husband. I don't know about you but I've always wanted to know who my husband was supposed to be, even back in my Barbie days. And I was granted that wish. And there he was... always right there. I already knew him, but I couldn’t see him for his qualities because I really hadn’t sorted them out prior to that one day at work. Once I was able to SEE him, things escalated quickly, on both ends. If you see yourself making a family, then own it! Theres nothing wrong with that, but If you plan to be career driven or wait to find yourself, then do that. But be honest with yourself.

If you want a husband in the near future start really thinking about what it is you NEED to sustain life with a man and be in love. Tell me, what qualities are you NEEDING? I’d like to know.

[lucyninjawife]

Finding Balance in Marriage

[lucyninjawife]

Understanding For Better..For Worse..

On our wedding days we made a contract.  A contract to God and the law that you would “Have to hold from this day forward…..For better for worse...For richer, for poorer..”  But how soon do we forget the layers that contract is.

What is a Contract?

  Let’s break it down by the small minute details.  A Contract according to the dictionary is..

“A written or spoken agreement, especially one concerning employment, sales or tendency, that is intended to be enforceable by law.”

I’m sure in your adult life you have signed a few of these… even when you weren’t as smart as you are now.  Like that time I bought a car from a coworker and blue smoke started coming out of the tailpipe… and I was still making payments on it.  I didn’t really go over the terms of what would happen in the case that the used car decided to die before I paid it off.

I was young… this was one of my first cars.. Maybe #2 for me actually, and it was used.  I decided I wasn’t gonna pay because I didn’t have a car to drive. She sued me, and I gave her half as a settlement.  But indeed I learned the hard way. 

What about the people that end up on The People’s Court for also buying lemons or unfinished contractual work.  Well that contract with your Marriage is also just as important as the plumber not fixing the plumbing.

For Better..

For Better sounds good on every side.  The shmoney is right, there’s groceries in the fridge, the gas tank is full, you’re looking less bloated in your favorite dress, and you are having a good hair day.

Have you ever stopped to really think if everything went right, life would be boring?

What about the rich kids who overdose on drugs, curse or even kill their parents because they head “NO”?  

Was there a period(s) in life that were REALLY hard, but you dissect the situation and you come to the conclusion that that situation molded your grit.  Gave you the integrity that you have today. It gave you your work ethic or attention to detail?

That could’ve happened if everything was “For Better..”.

In my house, it’s good when it’s good.  Me and the Hubs don’t argue like we did years ago because we really have made a decision to learn and to respect each other’s ticks.  Everyday, financially stable or not is always an episode of a sitcom. It makes me sweat and gives me great anxiety…. I didn’t even know I had anxiety until I became an adult.  But when it’s going well I’m not really challenged… I’m at a plateau, not learning new strategies. Agree?

For Worse..

For worse can really make you want to bury your head in the sand and only peek when there’s a music festival on the beach.  I’ve been there, sometimes every other week. I have to verbally (literally) tell myself to come out of it. But my mission is to be a better person.

When the “For Worse” comes down the turnpike, we want to get our hat and run.  The For Worse comes in different shapes, smells, and forms. But we base it on being “happy” or the For Worse stage is not making us happy.

Largely we, us humans, are programed to be ungrateful.  The commercials and ads we encounter daily, which statistics say we are exposed to approx 5k a day are always luring us out of our money.  As soon as you by the car of your dreams, here comes the commercial for the newest model and now you're regretting the decision you made to take the plunge.

The For Worse all has its own time lengths.  There is NOT a time limit that is limited to 2 weeks… though that seems most favorable.  It could be actually go for 3mo….8mo which is almost a full term pregnancy….1yr…...5yrs. But here we are again..

“I’m just not happy anymore” Cry me a river…. Sorry, not sorry if I don’t feel sorry for you.

I definitely believe there are drawn lines.  Godly ones. There are things that’s unreasonable to be classified as worse.  And if it is your plan to live the Godly marriage, below are some of the windows of escape for you..

Infidelity: but there have been many successful relationships that have come back from this.  As long as both parties make a decision to be faithful. Infidelity doesn’t have to be the death, there are no cookie cutter outcomes either.  Sometimes infidelity can be for marital neglect, witholding of sex from each other, revenge, bad habits, lack of respect for the contract….etc

Abuse:  This can happen is three forms, verbal, physical and financially.  Verbal can be degrading, barrating, constant attack of your character.  Not petty name calling but the verbal abuse that’s almost just as bad as being physically abused.  You can feel like your fear for your life and mental wellbeing. Physical is pretty much self explanatory.  A man that hits you, pushes you with his hands, and other members of his body. Often times he can apologize and try to give you gifts to make up for it, but I have not personally known this action to be curable...as I have never known anyone who has been physically abused either.  Financially is more than your husband being cheap, irresponsible with his money and stingy. This is when your practical needs aren’t met and he has the means to do so. When he verbally abuses you when you need food, personal items, or won’t let you have the keys to your car, gas to put in your car when money is available.  And withholding money from you because he wants to keep you away from your friends and family.

Sexual deprivation:  Did you know that sex was made for Married Couples.  Originally...Biblically so we aren’t out there testing the multiple murky waters and peitry dishing new STD/STIs… but having that one sexual bound for your one mate.  But anyway… back to my point…. Biblically you aren’t supposed to “defraud one another” which means withold sex from the other to keep from dipping on the otherside. Although I’m not gonna talk a lot about in in this post, you should be adaquaitly be sexually matched with your mate i.e high sex drive, medium, little.  Most men have medium to HIGH sex drive, which also means that out of 7 days in a week, he should be able to have your thick thighs around him 3-4x’s a week. Yes!!!! Don’t argue with me.

Now, all those listed says you are within your rights of a Contract Breech if you are currently living here in these scenarios.

The goal for all of this For Better and For Worse are supposed to create you both into “One Flesh”.  One flesh meaning the Ying and Yang, Ketchup and Mustard, Peanut Butter and Jelly… get it. And that’s thru Worse.

The Petty

I have been asked many, what I call petty questions about ending their Marriage.  Like my MIL (mother-in law) and I don’t get along” or the difficult blended family scenario…. Or “he didn’t stand up for me”.  Remember there is NO cookie Cutter for any of these scenarios, but you have to keep focused and strategize your sanity.

Being Married, a mother, a wicked stepmother and an adult, I have developed some pretty wonky emotions.  Anxiety has claimed residence in my body, but like my favorite writer says that I have to remind myself often.. 

“There’s has been few rainbows in my clouds”

Maya Angelou

Just about every other week… maybe day, that I feel like I want to run, flee from my disappointment.  But after I quit my anxiety down and come from the land of Petty, I think about all the things that are going right, what I’m thankful for, my family, my kids, the outcome.  Did you also know that the decisions that you make doesn’t just effect YOU. Especially if there are kids involved.  

Calm down...I’m not saying stay for the kids… but yea, stay for the kids.  I have literally feel in and out of love with my Hubs, but that’s because I stopped working, stopped challenging us and being adventurous.

Marriage is work. 

I’m sure if you got a degree, high school to phD, it was work and sometimes it almost kills you, but you still inch along.  Why don’t you give your Marriage Contract the same justice?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post, so drop me a line.

[lucyninjawife]

I'm So Over It....... When Self Care Isn't Consistent

We are officially in the part of the summer that I’m over. I’m over mowing the grass, picking up the yard from the Hubs and his many unfinished projects of building and organizing. I’m over trying to keep the plants alive that sit in the dirt sun because they need to be watered when it’s cool outside, and that just simply collides with me not having my coffee yet and my daily dose of Wendy Williams….well, when she’s not on hiatus.

Summer is NOT my favorite season. Spring and Fall are. And when it’s almost Fall I get in the Disney spirit. That’s because I have an addiction… that I’m not seeking help with btw (by the way) and as the years go by I’m getting better at the planning process and doing new things. Like this year I decided to get the meal plan, only because my two youngest eat like grown men and I feel like if we don’t have to concentrate of feeding people we can carry on with finding nice personal gifts.

I haven’t been feeling like myself lately….well that’s been true for officially 10yrs… that’s how old Gianna is. Yes, for those who don’t know, she kicked over all the shelves and furniture of my mind and rearranged my mental chemistry forever.

I’m BURNED-OUT!!!!

Although I love Amazon and late night internet shopping, there is not enough money in the world to conquer burn out. I have had some change of scenery this summer, thanks to the Hubs taking most of the summer off and having some family adventures. But when I get back home, I IMMEDIATELY feel the feeling of Groundhog Day…aka overwhelm of regular-ness.

I became a SAHM/WAHM about 10yrs ago. Well..13yrs because I started a home childcare when Danica was a baby because my job wasn’t as satisfying and I NEEDED to be my own boss. I am grateful that the fruits of me nd the Hub’s labor has paid off….but now I just need to get over this nagging regularness and depression.

I have gotten so burnout from “doing”. It doesn’t matter what it is… I’m sick of it BEFORE it happens. I haven’t been writing, reading like I normally would, and I have officially said officially a lot… but I’ve officially watched all the shows I care to binge on, and now I’m awaiting the arrival of Power, Ray Donovan, and something else that I can’t remember.

I, unlike other parents get to miss their kids, or family…. me….I wake up they are there, I go to sleep they are there. Everybody NEEDS me, I solve lots of their problems. I’m their personal secretary, doctor, counselor, nurse, Lyft, hairstylist let me tell ya…. and I just don’t want to be for a while.

I admit. I have really FAILED on the self care task for myself. I do things for myself BUT it’s almost after I have pulled out all of the hair I have left.

I have been a stickler for making sure I get my nails done for about 4yrs….. and maybe that’s about all I’ve really been consistent about.

What are your favorite self care routines? Please share so I can try them. Maybe I will feature them on my IG Stories.

[lucyninjawife]

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[lucyninjawife]

Getting Honest with Myself.....

It’s been a minute since I really really wrote.  You know why… because the inner dialog that I fight with in my own head, daily.  It is my toughest critic. It tells me when I’m not good enough, and why I’m not good enough.  It points out my flaws, my lack of education, even though I did go out and get some…. I have the student loans to prove it.  It’s been telling me that I have too much IRL (in real life) things that need my attention… and that’s true, but when I allow the voice that tears me down have a voice, I just sit around and play with my phone.

I recently just read this body of work (you can read here)….. It’s not really a story or a poem…. Just truths of one's self discovery.  And so I started to get more honest with myself. I think it was cathartic.

As a writer...someone who thinks about writing all day and night….. Sees words in the air, I have avoided it…. Like a plague.

I’ve been on a journey….. A looooooooong journey, for like 10 yrs.  Short to some, but a significant amount of my adult life. Almost enough amount of time to alter who I was supposed to become.

Gianna will be 10yrs old in July and I’m still living in that pregnancy.  That’s because I broke. Not the broken you hear in songs. But broke in the sense that there was a screw….or 10 that became lose and I haven’t found the right screw “putter backer”.

When I was pregnant with Gianna, I was in despair.  Not because it was her. It was clearly the screws. I love her.  What would our family do without a “Gianna”, aka my Chocolate Tugga Bear.

I cried most of the time.  I was exhausted because i couldn’t breath, walk and eat in the same area of time without feeling like I needed to be tranquilized.

When I delivered her, I was almost 300lbs.  I knew something was wrong, but who does one articulate this despair?  My OB (GYN) had delivered Danica and Gianna and then she moved to Florida.  That was grace because she was wonderful, plus my c-section scar is a fine line because she was great with her hands.

Fast forward.  I was put on medication that encouraged my body to gain weight.  What I just learned was that the medicine that would make me happy would keep me fat, despite my efforts.  Despite me eating carbs or air pie. Yes air pie.

In my mind I’m still a 9/10… because that was my early adult weight.  But that’s not what my clothes say nor the scale.

I’m ashamed of me.  And I’m learning to be less ashamed and more embracing.  I hate pictures, so I’m trying to take more of them… so when you see me on the Gram, send me a wink.

The new doctor who is an Internist told me that my meds were the culprit to the whole other human on my body.  And now I’m on new meds… but now I am the Hulk. And when I realize I have Hulk smashed everything, I come back to reality.

So everyday is a challenge, but I’m trying to overcome myself.  Trying to hold the mental dialog at bay so I can be more productive, more fulfilled personally.  Luckily I have an amazing and supportive Hubs that can care less if I get out the bed, fix it or not.  Who encourages me to relax.

Do you have mental dialog that gets in the way?  Are you honest with yourself more than I have been?

[lucyninjawife]

I don’t know about you but... my BIGGEST pet peeve is when people talk about the “Universe” as if it’s responsible for anything.... Especially when it comes to things God ordains. Excuse me, but I’ve never found the Bible for the Universe... thou it gets a lot of credit😒 The reason you keep ending up with frogs🐸 is because you’re depending on the wrong one to do it for you Now... I’m not saying that God does @Tinder dating... but there’s principles to this process. Get your head in the game⚽️ •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Click the link in my bio to read my latest post and to sign up for my email list https://www.instagram.com/chiefninjawife/p/BtyZ3JwAXAi/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1n77mvkjyyqxc

[lucyninjawife]

I don’t ALWAYS want to agree with him... even if he’s right🤷🏾‍♀️ •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Click the link in my bio to read my latest post and to sign up for my email list https://www.instagram.com/p/BtvzB4Clh4L/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1kej9ed74v0mz

[lucyninjawife]

Repost @earlenebuggs 🚫If your new prospect is found on this list... RUN 🏃🏾‍♀️ #thatisall •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Click the link in my bio to read my latest post and sign up for my email list https://www.instagram.com/p/BtdtvCzAT-p/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=3kk3kfm1ncup

[lucyninjawife]

Go Birds🦅Be his cheerleader even when he lost💚 #GoEagles #neverapatriotsfan #neveraramsfan #eaglesforlife •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Click the link in my bio to read my latest post and to sign up for my email list https://www.instagram.com/p/Btbq53nAc_z/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=yex0sibuqn88

[lucyninjawife]

Ok ok... this is the hot 🔥 topic right now... How would you feel about your hubby getting a girlfriend while you’re still alive but suffering from Alzheimer’s? I’ve followed B.Smith’s journey as on top of her game with her booming restaurants, home interiors line.... and even the time where she started to become confused. What a sentence to be given😪 🤷🏾‍♀️I can’t say I know the right answer beside the answer as it pertains to my Holy Vows. “Til death is do part”... and since she’s otherwise healthy does that give her hubby a pass?🤔 🤷🏾‍♀️But if it were me... I couldn’t stand for the Hubs to be lonely because being a caregiver is a lonely, brutal job. And I wouldn’t want him to wait around until I croaked... I would want him to still have some vibrant days while he was still healthy. 🤷🏾‍♀️What are your thoughts🤔 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Click the link in my bio to read my latest blog post and to sign up for my email list https://www.instagram.com/p/BtXKGLzF35-/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=wkhgb1dqdwng

[lucyninjawife]

My Love💕 Date weekend without kids🚫🚫🚫 🥶Oh baby it’s cold outside🥶 How are you making heat🔥 this weekend. •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Click the link in my bio to read my latest post and to sign up for my email list! https://www.instagram.com/p/BtH-7XkFS7R/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1gaxthgd5hk6a