#and when people talk about birdie being sad in the ending fight they mostly just bring up

[irregularbillcipher]

it kills me that the only understandable, semi-lucid line from birdie that isn't either naming his boys and saying how much he misses them, or drunkenly attaching himself to the first people to be vaguely nice to him and saying that they're Good People who he loves and actually he totally doesn't need his family anymore is just him seeing that brad is about to kill him and only being able to muster a line that equates to "welp, lemme have one last drink before i go." can we talk about the fact that he seems so passively willing to die hello can anyone hear me

[batfamily-trash]

Oops

Can you write where the reader is poison Ivys and Jokers daughter and has a One nightstand with Damian and she is 16 and pregnant with Damian’s baby ps no smut needed

a/n: Minor change- age bumped up to 18

Key: b/n - Baby’s name

Warnings: Language, mentions of alcholic drinks

Who would’ve guessed that Pamela Isley or otherwise known as Poison Ivy would’ve hooked up with the damn Joker? No one, not even them. So when the rouge’s all decided to go get drinks and have a good time they made the mistake of not having someone to tell them when to stop drinking. Like an adult.

The morning after, Harley and multiple rouges had to drag Ivy away from Joker before she could kill him. Oh, how she regrets not killing that sad pathetic clown. Especially after finding out she was pregnant with you. Surprise surprise.

That’s what Harley told you when you asked her what lead to your existence. She loves you as if you were her daughter. Every time you asked her about your father when you were younger she would sugarcoat everything. Now that you are older even you wonder why that sicko is alive.

People already gave you enough bullshit with you being Jokers daughter, even the batfamily. Whenever you went out be it as a civilian or with your mom someone was always following. Usually, it was Robin who would stalk you, sometimes Red Hood. You remember Harley telling you that the sperm donor kidnapped Hoodie and left him to die in a warehouse after beating him with a crowbar.

Whenever you go out with your mom, you and Robin always end up fighting. And that fighting usually always end up with someone getting pinned. Mostly Robin because you take him by surprise with your amazing plant powers. You’d think after years of messing around he would be more attentive.  

Today was no different. Your mom wanted to see how well you would do out in the real world with people so she had Harley take you out to a club. Yeah sure, take the plant-human hybrid person to a club with drunk idiots what could go wrong.

Once in the club Harley ditched you and went off to look for her buddies. Yay. You decided to avoid the dance floor and head straight to the bar for a drink.

Before you even left the dance floor someone had wrapped their arms around your waist and pulled you towards them. “Care to dance, y/n?”

You turned around and raised your hand to slap the stranger but then you realized it, Damian Wayne, otherwise known as Robin. “So?”

“Fine Mr. Wayne,” you said, “But I won’t be responsible for your injuries the next time you sneak up on me.”

“Whatever you say, Miss Isley.”

Damian and you spent the rest of the night together since Harley accidentally ditched you. After what seemed to be twenty drinks a drunk Damian took you back to one of his safehouses and one thing lead to another.

The next morning you woke up to a pounding feeling in your head and last nights events were a bit hazy. You remembered your mom telling Harley that you had to be home before one, crashing into Damian, and Harley ditching you. You also remembered drinking wayyyy too much.

You slowly lifted yourself up and studied your surroundings. There was an array of weapons hanging from the wall in front of you, your clothes were all over the floor and Damian was sleeping naked next to you. When you came to your senses you began to freak out. You hooked up with the Bats kid. If your dad weren’t Joker that would be okay, but no. This was bad.

As quickly and silently as you could, you got off the bed, picked your clothes off the floor and put them on before running out of Damian’s safehouse. Once you were a safe distance away you called your mom, who was extremely worried. After she yelled at you for ten minutes for worrying her she picked you up and took you home.

-5 weeks later-

“n/n sweetheart? Are you okay?” your mom asked you.

“Yeah just tired,” you answered. Ivy looked at you suspiciously before returning her attention to her beloved plants.

“If you need to talk you know I’m here,” she said trimming some roses, “and so are the plants. You can tell them anything.”

“I know mom, but if it makes you feel bet…”

“How are my favorite girls!” Harley interrupted. You sighed and turned to face Harley.

“Hey, Harls!”

“Hiya kiddo! You look different…”

“Whatever do you mean?” you chuckled.

“I don’t know… you seem glowy,” she said, “Are you pregnant?!?!”

You heard something snap behind you as Harley ran to you. Harley hugged you as your mom made vines grown at an accelerating rate. “When and who, y/n?” Ivy demanded.

“Hehe I don’t know what you mean mommy.”

“Oh! Was it that cute boy at the club? What’s his name? Damian?”

You laughed nervously as you tried to deny everything Harley was telling you. It was no secret to your mom and Harley Robin’s secret identity. Which made him an extremely easy target.

“Robin?!?!” Ivy exclaimed.

“haha uh there’s no point in lying is there?” you asked.

“No,” Ivy answered. You were screwed.

“Does he know?” Harley asked you. They took your silence as a no.

“Then let’s go find him.”

Not even two hours later and your mom had Damian wrapped up with every vine in existence. Poor kid was confused. He was confused as to why your mom had him hanging over the edge of Wayne Enterprises and why you have been avoiding him. He was also confused as to why Harley was ready to bash his head in with a mallet.

“y/n what’s going on?!?”

“what’s going is that you got my daughter pregnant!” your mom yelled, tightening the vines. Damian groaned in pain as his emerald eyes widen in surprise.

“I… got her… pregnant?” he choked out.

“Mom let him go! You’re killing him!”

Ivy reluctantly brought him back to the roof and let him go. You ran towards him as he fell to the ground gasping for air. “Are you alright?” you asked him.

He nodded and looked at you. He got you pregnant and you didn’t even think to tell him. “How long?” he asked you.

“I’ve known for a week or two…”

“You knew and you didn’t tell anyone?!?!” Ivy shouted.

You helped Damian get up and looked at your mom. “Mom, I’m an adult. I don’t need you controlling my every move in life. So what if I’m pregnant.? Hmm? At least I’m here in Gotham with you and not in South America!”

“The blame also goes to me,” Damian said, “I… we should’ve been more careful. I’ll take care of her and my child.”

“What’s your family gonna say about this birdie?” Harley asked.

“Let me deal with them,” he answered. You looked at your mom nervously than at Damian. You didn’t think he would be this calm. At least your mom wasn’t trying to kill him again.

“Fine, but if you hurt her. I will find out. And I will make the rest of your life a living hell.” and with that, your mom left with Harley leaving you and Damian alone.

The both of you stood by each other in silence. Not knowing what to say. What is there to say anyway? Since it was obvious neither one of you were going to talk you decided to grow a random flower on the roof.

Damian observed your every move. He kinda admired you. Your mom was an ecoterrorist and your dad was a psychopath and here you were, acting like a normal person with powers. You didn’t let what your parents do get in the way of your life unless it was absolutely necessary. Like that time your dad released his toxin in the city, you didn’t sit down and do nothing, you helped clear the city.  And yet, you were seen as a threat.

“y/n, listen. If you don’t want me in your life I understand. But please let me at least help you,” Damian said breaking the silence.

“Help me how?”

“Get you out of the city, move you someplace safe. Where your dad can’t find you and no one can harm you.”

You thought about his offer. The moment your dad finds out you‘re pregnant with Damian’s kid he would do something insane to hurt him. Even if you were his blood.

“Fine. But, not too far away. I would still like to see my mom and Harley,” you said.

“Of course.”

- 1 year later -

You sighed in content as you lulled your baby to sleep. Ivy, Selina, and Harley had visited and they spent the entire day spoiling b/n against Damian’s orders. Not that that bugged you but Damian had trouble trusting your mom but after a while, he began to trust her a little. He still didn’t trust her enough to let you move back to Gotham. You moved to Bludhaven since there was at least one hero that Damian trusted there.

Once you were in your room you laid down in your bed and waited for Damian to get back from patrol. When the batfamily found out about your pregnancy with Damian they flipped. They all thought you were up to something until they saw Damian at the hospital freaking out after you had gotten in an accident. Someone had decided to mug you and you used your powers to defend yourself, but the amount of power you used caused you to pass out. Least to say the mugger had to put in a full body cast for a couple months.

You propped yourself up when you heard the bedroom window open. Damian slipped in quietly and closed the window before turning towards you.

“I thought you would be sleep by now?”

“b/n woke up, I just put them to sleep,” you said, “How was patrol?”

“A couple assassins, some complete idiots, and several low lives,” he said taking off his suit. You chuckled and laid back down.

“Something funny, n/n? Damian asked. You stopped laughing and covered your eyes.

“Nopeee,” you replied. You felt the bed shift as Damian uncovered your eyes. Damian leaned down, his nose softly brushing yours before kissing you.

“Mmhm. I love you, you know that right?”

“b/n loves you too.”

A minute later b/n started to cry. You sighed and pushed Damian off you. “Your turn love,” you said smugly.

“What?!?!”

“I took care of her all day today, your turn.”

Damian unwilling got off the bed and walked to b/n room. “I hate you,” he grumbled.

“Love you too!”

[summer-binging-spn]

Worried

WARNING THIS FIC IS CENTERED AROUND SELF HARM IF THIS WILL TRIGGER YOU PLEASE AVOID THIS!  

Word Count: 1,343

Warnings: Self Harm! Depressed Reader, sad reader, cutting,

Pairing: Platonic! Winchesters x Reader

Tags: I’m not tagging anyone in this except @birdie-nerdie because I don’t want anyone checking their notifs and this popping up unexpectedly. 

Author's Note: I wrote this as a sort of therapy, and if this will trigger you DO NOT READ IT! I have put warnings in the warnings spot, I have a warning bolded at the top and I’m reminding you now. This is a potentially triggering fic, I don’t want you triggered if this will!! Just don’t read it!

Masterlist

The day had started out normal, well as normal as any day, but as the day wore on and the bunker grew quiet from the absent boys your mind started attacking again.

The negative thoughts and feelings that hadn’t happened in so long but you knew what you’d do to distract yourself. You know how bad it is but it helps and any help is good help right now. The thoughts of never being enough and the shitty life you’re living. Sure you help people but it doesn’t stop you from thinking maybe the boys really don’t need you. You just research after all. So sitting on the edge of your bed, your favorite blade in hand, you know this is wrong and how you shouldn’t but you need a release. And as you drag the blade across the soft skin you let out a sigh. The physical pain takes away from the emotional pain, it always does. And when it stops bleeding you go on about your day. Researching for the case the boys are on and going on. The next few days are rough and somehow you end up on your bed once again dragging the blade across and hating yourself but you know this is the only way you’ll stop feeling so shitty.

“Surprise, we’re home early,” Dean calls through the bunker.

“Shit shit,” you mutter, shoving the knife under your mattress and yanking your sleeve down. You pop out of your room and run into his arms.

“I missed you guys,” you mumble.

“We missed you too. You okay?” He asks holding you it at arms length looking you over.

“Yeah I’m good,” you lie.

“Good, Sammy is gone to get pizza and groceries because we know how you love going to the store,” he teases.

“I’m gonna go put up the books I used,” you mumble.

“I’ll help,” he says, following you into the library.

“How’d the hunt go?” You ask, grabbing a stack.

“Killed the bad guy,” he jokes, grabbing another stack. By the time you finish Sam is coming through the door with pizza and groceries. When his hands are empty you wrap him in a hug.

“Missed you too,” Sam mumbles, he and Dean share a not-so-secret look before you let go and grab plates for the pizza.

“What?” You ask, both the boys looking at you strangely.

“Nothing,” Dean says, grabbing beers and a water. You fix plates and sit and eat in awkward silence. Not long after eating you go to bed and they stay up to talk, mostly about you.

“You sure she’s okay?” Sam asks

“She says she is Sammy, and I’m trusting her,” Dean answers.

“But what if she’s not? She never hugs that tight unless we’re gone for more than a week. We were gone three days Dean,”

“Sam she’s fine. She’d tell us if she wasn’t,” Dean insists.

The next morning you wake up and groggily make your way to the kitchen. You pour a cup of coffee and fix it the way you like it. You sip it and slowly wake up. Once you’re awake enough you won’t burn down the bunker you start cooking some bacon and eggs. You pop bread in the toaster and when breakfast is finished you go knock on the boys’ doors. They come through in a few minutes sitting down and shoveling in the food. You eat slowly and when they’re finished they’re more awake and you realize that you’re not wearing long sleeves, the new cuts are visible. Maybe they won’t notice, Dean doesn’t pay much attention and Sam is usually thinking about nerd stuff.

“Where’d those come from?” Dean asks, breaking your chain of thought.

“Huh?” You ask and he grabs your wrist running a finger over the cuts and scars.

“I, uh, tried to lure a cat out. Yeah a cat. And when it came out it wasn’t as fond of me,” you struggle to lie.

“Kiddo we weren’t born yesterday,” he mutters.

“Dean please let it go,” you plead.

“Hey it’s not just Dean. You told us you were okay,” Sam states.

“Guys please I’m fine,”

“I told you Dean. I told you she wasn’t okay,” Sam bites.

“I thought she was,” Dean defends.

“Don’t fight about me please. I can’t have you hate me,” you beg.

“We aren’t fighting about you. We should’ve noticed this before now, it’s obviously been going on a while. Why didn’t you talk to us?” Sam asks, sadness and concern overcoming his features.

“You all have so much on your plates already I didn’t want to worry you anymore,” you mumble.

“We are always here if you wanna talk. I know I say no chick flick moments but you’re the exception. Okay?” Dean asks.

“I just don’t know what to do, it hurts so bad on the inside I just need to distract myself,” you cry and arms are wrapping around you.

“I know how you feel,” Sam mutters, running a hand over your hair. Your soft cries are muffled by the familiar flannel and you feel another set of arms wrap around you.

“It’s alright. You’re gonna be okay,” Dean tries to soothe, your cries are only getting worse and Dean hates how defeated you sound, when you’ve calmed down enough Dean leads you to his room.

“Dean why are you taking me to your room?” you sniffle.

“You should nap, I’m gonna go into town grab some stuff,” he says, motioning to the bed.

“Dean I’m fine,” you yawn.

“Sleep, I’ll wake you up when I get back,” he says, patting your back. You slump on the bed and curl up under the soft blankets.

 “Hey I’m back,” Dean wakes you nicer than he ever has before.

“Hmm,” you mumble, burying yourself in the pillows.

“C’mon I got you some surprises,” he sing songs.

“Fine,” you mumble, sitting up. He sets a few bags on the bed in front of you and starts pulling all your favorites out.

“And I cooked burgers for supper,” he smiles.

“Dee you don’t have to treat me any differently,” you state.

“But I do, you’re obviously upset about something and I don’t want you to hurt yourself anymore,” he says, pulling you into a hug.

“My head just gets so loud sometimes,” you whisper.

“I get it, but anytime you need me I’m here. And if I’m not here I’m a phone call away, so is Sammy,” he says, pulling your chin up.

“You guys already have so much on your plates I don’t want to be any more of a burden than I already am,” you shake your head.

“You are the furthest thing from a burden, but if you won’t call I got you this journal thought maybe you could write when you were feeling down. Of course I got you pens, pencils, markers and just about any writing utensil I could think of,” he says, handing you a very full bag.

“Thank you Dean,” you smile, hugging him.

“No problem, now I’m gonna go finish supper. You put your stuff up and I’ll have plates,” he smiles. You take your things to your room setting them down and making your way to the kitchen. The dishes from breakfast are washed and food is sitting on the table.

“So how’re you feeling?” Sam asks, looking up from his computer.

“Better,” you smile weakly.

“Good, Dean gave you the journal?” he mutters, distracted by something on his screen.

“Of course, you’re a little distracted there Sam. You okay?” you ask, sitting in front of him.

“Just a case,” he mumbles, taking a bite.

“You guys are leaving again?” you ask, drooping.

“Of course not, we’ll call Jody or Garth or anyone else to take this case,” Dean states, sitting beside you.

“Exactly, I’ve texted Jody and Garth, they’re finding someone to get on it,” Sam smiles, shutting his computer.

“Thank you,” you mumble taking a bite. That night you go to sleep with a smile on your face for the family you’ve found.

[marshmallowsims]

All of the Emoji's for my 3 fav beans 💚💚💚

AAAAA, thank you my lime!

☕ RELAXED 

Having a very active one year old makes relaxing a rarity. But the most relaxed she feels is with a warm cup of tea, a fuzzy blanket, a book open on her lap and birdie sleeping next to her. She feels calm and happy in moments like that. And more recently she feels incredibly relaxed whenever she’s with Reed.

♒️ IRRITATED

Mostly just bitches about every tiny thing when she’s irritated. She has very little patience when she’s irritated too and don’t make a joke around her cause she will snap.

💘 LUSTING

She’s not subtle when she’s lusting for someone, she flirts and teases and when she’s tired of flirting she’d straight up say what she wants. She’s almost always lusting for someone.

🌦 LONGING

Quite and sad and just in her own head, she longs for a lot of things and not just people so she does feeling longing quite often. And it is amongst the main reasons why shes sad often.

☘ HOPEFUL

Tends to crush any feel of ‘hopefulness’ as soon as she starts to feel it. She fears too much that she’ll be disappointed but even so she can’t help it and she feels hopeful more often than not… it generally gets crushed very fast. She smiles a bit more when she is hopeful though and how she behaves is different. 

🍃 CONFUSED

She gets very frustrated with herself when she’s confused because she is quite a perfectionist and often feels like she shouldn’t be confused. She’s not one to ask or make it easier for herself to understand so she just deals with being confused and shakes it off. 

🎡 AMUSED

Usually laughs quite a bit. Depending what it is she found funny, though with people she is a bit more reserved and those laughs are a little softer. 

🌞 HAPPY

She bakes a lot when she’s happy. Is just overall in a good mood, she’s rather hyper and enthusiastic when she’s happy too. Also very affectionate.

⚡️ ANGRY

She doesn’t get angry easily or really at all, she goes right to sad when shes angry. But often her hurt is disguised as anger, she usually turns it on herself and does something self destructive or she takes it out on whoever is closest to her / whoever hurt her. 

💧 SAD

Her usual state. She cries a bit. Gets really into her own head and distance and avoids people. Often she just really wants a hug but she doesn’t know how to express that so she just closes herself off and sometimes gets snappy when asked whats wrong.

💕 IN LOVE

Well it takes a very long time for her to express her feelings towards someone. Or to really admit to herself what they are. But when she’s in love she wants to take care of them, like cooking, doing their laundry, running them a bath, giving them a massage etc… Its just her way of showing affection in a deeper way than just kissing/physical things.

❌ JEALOUS

She gets jealous pretty easily, over stupid things too. She lovessss attention so when its not on her, there is quite a bit of jealousy. Though, she won’t say it, she’d instead be really petty and go out of her way to prove that she is better.

💔 HEARTBOKEN

Cries a lot. Then gets made at herself for crying. Shes a mess when she loses someone she cares about and she goes to a very dark place in her mind too. She’s not good at coping with sudden ‘loss’ like that. 

🏝 LONELY

Also something she feels very often because she doesn’t let herself get close enough to people to ‘not’ be lonely. She’s also alone quite often and she feels lonely especially when birdie falls asleep. She’ll usually try and text someone or just amuse herself with cartoons till she passes out. 

🌙 EXHAUSTED

She is always tired or nearing the point of exhaustion, she works two jobs and has a very active one year old so its pretty self explanatory as to why. She’s good at staying awake once she’s had a few cups of coffee though more recently she’s not been able to do that so she’s been very sluggish. Dozing off when she shouldn’t. Quite slow on hearing what someone has said to her.  

👻 AFRAID

Freezes. She literally doesn’t react at all and just goes as still as possible. Only once she’s calmed down then will she breakdown. 

👐 SURPRISED

Would probably be shocked first before feeling surprised. She’s not used to surprises, nor do they happen often. But if its good she’d become instantly happy.

☕ RELAXED

He feels most relaxed when he’s on the ice by himself. Whenever he’s feeling tense or the day has been too much he’ll just go to whichever ice rink is nearest (and open) and spend hours just skating. 

♒️ IRRITATED

Frowns a lot. Wouldn’t laugh at all when someone tries to make a joke with him. And he’s replies get very short/clipped. He usually needs to be left alone for a bit till he calms down. Though he makes it known that he needs a bit of space and that he’s not in the best mood.

💘 LUSTING

This is actually something he doesn’t feel often. He’ll form crushes and attractions to people but sexual attractions don’t get brought on till way later in the relationship. And even then it takes him a while before he’d actually make any advances.  

🌦 LONGING

His very in his own head so there aren’t much emotions he expresses outwardly. He does long for people and past times sometimes, he tries to distract himself with other thoughts then or will again go to the ice rink / try and sleep it off.

☘ HOPEFUL

He’s always hopeful. He doesn’t actually think negatively on many things so that probably makes him more hopeful than all his friends combined 

🍃 CONFUSED

More frowning. He’d usually ask to try and clear up any confusion. Or try and figure it out on his own.

🎡 AMUSED

He has a really loud laugh which can be heard whenever something amusing happens. Whether in person or in a show. He laughs a lot.

🌞 HAPPY

All smiles all the time. Really good company. Very affectionate. 

⚡️ ANGRY

Not outwardly angry. He frowns big time then (hello forehead wrinkled) but he tries his best to keep his anger under control. It does take a lot to make him angry in the first place and he does do a good job at managing it. Though if its really bad he’ll sometimes snap at someone or shout. Though as soon as that happens he immediately removes himself from whatever is happening and he’ll go on a really long drive. 

💧 SAD

He is actually sad quite often though he keeps it very far down so that nobody notices. When he’s feeling really sad he’ll try and hangout with Reed or would go to the bar to be around people. Though if he can’t do that then he cries till he’s feeling better and then naps.

💕 IN LOVE

He gives everything of himself to them. Goes out of his way to make them smile and to be sure they have a good day. He adores cuddling and small displays of affection (hand holding, kissing their cheek) when they’re alone. He turns into a really puppy too and would do anything they asked of him. Also views them as the best person alive.

❌ JEALOUS

He get morehurt than jealous. He often feels like he’s second best so when it comes tofeelings of jealousy he has this very toxic though system on how he just, won’tbe able to be like them /ever/ and then he gets really sad.

💔 HEARTBOKEN

Oh he criesfor sure. He feels a whole mix of emotions. Above ^ being the not good enoughfor anyone and how he should get used to it thoughts are really loud then. Andhis really sad for a while. And takes a really long time to move on.

🏝 LONELY

He onlyreally gets lonely when he’s bored and everyone is busy. During those times heheavily contemplates getting a dog/cat and he does often browse the web for anyanimals available for adoption but he then realises he doesn’t have the timefor a four legged friend so he’ll go nap or read or go to reed, or head to hisbar, just to be around someone.

🌙 EXHAUSTED

He getsemotionally exhausted more often than actually exhausted. He’s just quite andgives short answers or doesn’t really listen/register whats going on aroundhim. Though usually its that kind of emotion exhaustion that takes days to wearoff. So he sleeps a lot during the time.

👻 AFRAID

Triesto put up a strong front. There are actually a lot of situations that make himfeel afraid, even if its just a short bit, and as soon as that happens he callsReed. Even if its 4am. And he talks to Reed till he feels okay + a little more.

👐 SURPRISED 

If it’s agood surprised he’d just hug everyone who was involved. If it’s a ‘bad’surprise then he’d need sometime alone for things to settle in.

☕ RELAXED

Makes a lotof jokes. Its obvious that he’s relaxed. In that he basically becomes a cat tooand doesn’t worry about showing affection. He feels the most relaxed whenplaying guitar/singing or when he’s with Elsie.

♒️ IRRITATED

Thinkseverything everyone says is stupid. Very short patience. He loudly shuts doorsclosed behind him. Also gives sarcastic responses to everything.

💘 LUSTING

He’s notshy about approaching people. Would flirt a little and knows exactly how tosmile to make them attracted to him. Would then suggest they go to his place ifthey don’t ask first.

🌦 LONGING

He’s alwayslonging for someone. Keeps it very internalised and appears normal in-front ofpeople. Though alone he can’t sleep and ends up drinking more than he should.

☘ HOPEFUL

Gets reallyenergetic. Pretty positive attitude towards everything. Though he does get alittle nervous too (depending what he’s hopeful over)

🍃 CONFUSED

Basically,would deny that he’s confused and say something off topic and completelyridiculous to disguise that.

🎡 AMUSED

He makesreally dumb jokes when he’s feeling amused over something. He finds Elsie beingmad at him amusing so he kinda tries to joke till she can’t help but laugh.

🌞 HAPPY

Very hyperand positive and soooo much energy. He bounces all over the place. He talkseveryone's ears off and wants to do everything at once. He’ll also cook everyonefood and be bringing out snacks.

⚡️ ANGRY

He stormsout most of the time. He’d very rarely ever raise his voice or physically fightsomeone but he will occasionally punch a brick wall once he’s far away fromwhat’s made him angry.

💧 SAD

Spends alot of time isolating himself in his studio. Either drawing or playing songs.Usually sad songs. Most of his best songs were written while he was sad.

💕 IN LOVE

Very cuddlyand affectionate. Would want to show them off to everyone as well as doanything to make them smile and feel good. He’d also open up very easily andthey’d know more about him than anyone else.

❌ JEALOUS

He’d bevery rude for what would appear to be for no reason but really he just won’tadmit to them or himself that he’s jealous.

💔 HEARTBOKEN

Same as sadexcept he’d also start doing stupid things to try and ‘forget’ so like reboundsand too much alcohol.

🏝 LONELY

He feels lonelyall the time really. He doesn’t have much friends and the ones he does have hejust doesn’t want to bug them or admit that he’s feeling lonely. So he justisolates and pours his soul into his music.

🌙 EXHAUSTED

Basically,turns into a cat and can just fall asleep anywhere at anytime. He mumbles anddoesn’t make sense and starts laughing at normal objects.

👻 AFRAID

He getsafraid during storms pretty often so he puts his music up really loud and triesas hard as he can to calm himself down and to focus on the sounds.

👐 SURPRISED 

Would smilebig and get a ton of energy out of nowhere. He’d also then bug them and ask howthey managed to get the surprise right.

[ofcacthuxandkylosaur]

Are there any trans Kylo fics out there? I feel as if it's all only trans hux this or feminized hux that...

I think there is indeed more trans Hux than trans Kylo out there, but I still managed to find some. Beware that I haven’t read most of the fics and therefore cannot say anything about their content. I also recommend of course you read the autor’s warnings;)

Trans Kylo Art

https://croatomunchi.tumblr.com/post/142969291522/would-u-ever-draw-like-hux-and-trans-kylo - croatomunchi

http://artllama.tumblr.com/post/146236116396/i-did-a-transition-log-because-i-cant-not-spend - artllama

http://toiek.tumblr.com/post/141289851114/i-love-trans-kylo - toiek

http://rip-space-birdie.tumblr.com/post/141067487245/kylo-ren-is-trans-pass-it-on - rip-space-birdie

http://opens-up-4-nobody.tumblr.com/post/153044170134/stutter-iplier - opens-up-4-nobody

http://opens-up-4-nobody.tumblr.com/post/147354462721/nice - opens-up-4-nobody

http://angerydj.tumblr.com/post/169121106275 - angerydj

http://corvosfursona.tumblr.com/post/137737245113/they-fixed-him-up-but-hes-conked-and-phasma - corvosfursona

http://kiiiloren.tumblr.com/post/137138625403/coming-to-u-live-tiny-trans-padawan-ben-solo  - kiiiloren

+ There is also a blog whose name is Trans!Kylo

Trans Kylo headcanons/ideas

http://bygoneboy.tumblr.com/post/148311042452/hi-u-should-talk-abt-ur-trans-kylo-headcanons - bygoneboy

http://nbnightwing.tumblr.com/post/136272896831/anyway-ive-been-thinking-a-lot-about-trans-guy - nbnightwing

http://kremaclassii.tumblr.com/post/137459014170/whispers-more-trans-kylo-head-canons - kremaclassii

http://kiiiloren.tumblr.com/post/138435517778/ive-been-thinking-about-trans-hux-and-kylo + http://kiiiloren.tumblr.com/post/137141605853/since-leia-is-force-sensitive-imagine-her-being - kiiiloren

http://lilstarkiller.tumblr.com/post/141230802426/alright-alright-i-keep-thinking-weve-got-trans - lilstarkiller

http://generallyhorribleatlife.tumblr.com/tagged/trans%21kylo - generallyhorribleatlife

Trans Kylo Fics

“Almond”  - angry_android || Kylo likes to hang out at his local Starbucks and brood. Hux works there part-time while going to community college. Because of someone else’s sloppy handwriting, Hux accidentally calls out Kylo’s name as “Kylie,” and there is fallout. The fallout might include dating.

“pocketknife”  - angry_android || There’s a reason Kylo wears a crop top. Hux understands.

“Casanova, Fuck Me Over”  -  Anonymous || With another kiss, Hux glances up. “You promise try and keep your limbs to yourself?” Ren snorts. “I will try my best,” he says, placing his hands on the sheets, “If you promise to stick your face between my thighs sometime soon.”

“Tarine Tea and Lambro Shark”  -  armitageren || The First Order celebrates a recent victory on a luxurious planet and it’s the perfect setting for Kylo Ren and Armitage Hux’s first date. Hux struggles to survive the date with his anxiety putting him on edge because Ren doesn’t know he’s trans and he isn’t sure what that means for their future.

“all the noises (from your hateful little mouth)”  - bloomthefox || In which Kylo whines and puts off his feelings, Phasma calls it like she sees it, and Hux is a stone cold mystery. Or, the defense attorney AU that literally nobody asked for.

“care and control”  -  cracktheglasses (cormallen) ||  It’s a wide strip of dark brown leather, soft, already a bit worn at the edges, snapped shut over Ben’s wrist. It means Ben wants him. Ben needs him. He may not always be able to say it, but he means it every time he puts the cuff on, every time he puts himself into Hux’s care – I’m yours.

“juxtaposition”  - cracktheglasses (cormallen) || He hopes Hux makes it hurt. Hopes Hux is as mean and arrogant and smart here as he is everywhere else, the way Kylo tries to be.

“Changed” -   Davechicken || Kylo was sure from a young age that he wasn’t female. It’s not until he leaves home that he finds people who agree.

“Pushed”  - Davechicken || Hux has to push his boy a little, to get him through the discomfort. Kylo always appreciates it after.

“Control”  - DoctorNinjaSpy || Patience is Armitage’s most valued virtue. Sometimes, however, he falters.

“special delivery” - gonnapop || Hux had not intended to be present for this messy process. Rather, he’d imagined returning after his shift and being handed a clean, swaddled baby. But there was nothing for it now.He rolled up his sleeves.

“Heel, Beg, Speak”  - JulieCox || Emperor Hux has a new pet, and enjoys pushing him around. Kylo has secrets, and enjoys keeping them to his own damn self. But they won’t stay secrets for long.

“the Panty fic”  -  kyloskummies || Kylo and Hux are roommates. Kylo is trans and wears panties. It’s a hot day and the AC is broken. Y'all know where it goes from there.

“Bad Poet and Good Artist”  -  lovewashisname || Hux has moved schools before. He’s sure this time won’t be any different. He’ll keep to himself, make a few acquaintances, and put up with his father the best he can. But not even an hour into his first day and he’s shattered his phone, walked into a gorgeous boy, and had a very, very awkward conversation with said gorgeous boy. In other words, Hux meets the incredibly sad Ben Solo, and maybe he doesn’t want to leave this school so soon.

“Bad Poetry on Starlit Rooftops”  -  lovewashisname || Everywhere Kylo looks, high school is portrayed as either the best place you’ll ever be, or a shithole that will ruin four years of your life. For Kylo, it’s neither. High school has been a place to hide from his own body, and to get into fights every once in a while. So in one year, none of that will change, he thinks. How wrong could he be? told from Kylo’s point of view

“A Real Boy”  -  MosImagination || Ben solo is a transmale junior, he has a crush on a senior named Hux. Ben is too afraid to show off his real self, but Hux quickly accepts him. And loves him.

“Birth of a dream”  -  MosImagination || Ben solo is a transmale, hux has always wanted a child, Ben gives his body to have their child.

“Expectations”  -  MosImagination || Ben solo didn’t know what to expect coming home on Valentines Day.

“Shark in the Water”  -  SeraphicVictory || Kylo Ren was absolutely the best sailor there ever was. Or that’s what he liked people to believe anyway. In truth, he was no better than any other man at the mercy of the sea. With one fatal mistake, he and his ship were destroyed in a terrible storm, and Kylo was certain he would fall to the watery grave that most sailors met at the end. But then he wakes up to a handsome, red-headed man. His savior: The Mershark called ‘Hux’.

“Someone to come home to”  -  ShinigamiKnox || Hux is the supportive boyfriend and helps Kylo deal with his dysphoria. It was supposed to be a more serious piece of work, but I could not stop laughing at the infamous Ren quote. I’m so sorry.

“A morning at the gym”  -  SidMjkGc || Just another kind of workout.

“This Asshole”  - twinkyatta || Hux goes to a coffee shop every day, but there’s a new barista, and holy fuck does he hate him.

+ Trans Female Kylo fic

“Fate”  -  MosImagination || It was fate that they met. A beautiful transfemale Kylo ren. A handsome transmale Hux.

Trans Kylo series (of fics) 

“The Monsters We Keep”  -  AriMarris || Description: “The Monsters We Keep” is the story of Hux and Kylo, who fall in love and marry young and make many mistakes. Basically, the films rewritten through Kylo’s eyes with drastic changes. With extra one-shots thrown in the mix for fun.

“Bastards and Broken Things”  -  Bipolar_Armitage_Hux, kohoutek || No Description –> Resume of first work: A story of Armitage Hux’s childhood from the Bastards and Broken Things AU / Series.

“Caged by Monsters” (one work for now)  -  Bipolar_Armitage_Hux, kohoutek || No Description –> Resume of first work:  An introduction to the psychiatric ward AU - this is written by an actually neurodivergent person and thus there is a strong attempt to make it not remotely ableist. The “bad guys” in this are the abusive doctors and an ableist system. Hux meets Kylo Ren for the first time, or rather the other sees him in a therapy session with Dr. Brendol Hux and becomes fascinated by him.

“The Tired Raptor”  -  Kylux_TRASH || Description: “Hollywood, 1939. Amidst the glitz and the glitter of a bustling young movie talent at the height of its golden age, the Hollywood Tower Hotel was a star in its own right. A beacon for the show business elite. Now, something is about to happen that will change all that”Something did happen to change that. It happened, on October 31st, 1939, Hollywood California. Kayla-Rose and her male escort, Mr. Hux were riding in the elevator when they entered into a world unknown. They entered The Twilight Zone.

“when the lights are low”  -  transkylo (captainandor) || No Description –> Resume of first work: “Do your colleagues know how fucking possessive you are?” Kylo asks, canting his hips back, pressing into Hux’s touch as far as he can.Hux grins. “Does your mother know that you sleep with her political rivals?” Kylo’s laugh is breathy and uneven. “I don’t make a habit of it.” 

+ Trans Female Kylo series (of fic)

“She’s Just a Girl and She’s on Fire”  -   Kylo Hux (Loki_Likey_Thor_Odinson) || No Description –> Resume of first work: Hux and Phasma have been sent to a fundraiser for The First Order. Their uniforms have been changed for a smart military uniform and a glamorous ball gown. Everyone that should be here is – except for one person.Kylo Ren is absent, still on another planet, having surgery. She was supposed to be here, supposed to be on security detail for the night; Hux lost hope of seeing his girlfriend for the first time in months when he saw two Knights of Ren circling the room.

“from bby Finn to teenage heartthrob + Hux  (one work for now)  -  orphan_account || No Description –> Resume of first work: Mostly, Phasma loves her job. But sometimes, just sometimes, she really hates it. Meanwhile, Hux has a slight problem, and her name is Kylo Ren.

[musicallisto]

Can I please have a maze runner ship? My name is Jenna, I’m 5’3 with long brown hair and big brown eyes. I’m shy and quiet but once you get to know me I’m pretty funny and outgoing. I really enjoy music, I play piano,guitar, and violin. I’m into writing and reading too. I’m not that confident but I’m pretty polite. I enjoy animals,nature, and adventure and I’m pretty clumsy. Thanks! :)))))❤️

I Ship You With…

N E W T

• I ship you with the precious small bean that is Newt! You two wouldn’t meet in the Glade because you’re not immune - you’re a citizen in the poor suburbs of Denver, part of the crank resistance with Gally. Since you can contract the Flare at any given moment, you’re always wearing an integral mask and a suit that protects your skin from being contaminated. You help Thomas’s group when they arrive in the Last City and are taken in by Gally, but you never expected feelings to grow for one of them. Especially not for the only one who’s not Immune to the Flare and therefore has the highest risk of trasmitting the disease to you. He doesn’t see your face for all of the first day, but you see his and can’t help thinking he’s very handsome, and fate is way too unfair for making a boy this young go through all of this mess. The first time he sees your face without your mask on is during the first night. He is scheduled to depart on the following morning with Thomas through the secret passageway to WICKED’s headquarters, and you have to admit you feel a bitter tinge of sadness and regret for never letting him know even your name. You’re sitting on your bed, a blanket covering your body from the cold of the dilapidated shelter, when your door bursts open and a figure shakily stumbles into your bedroom. You immediately grab your mask and a gun as a reflex and point the latter at the newcomer… before realizing it’s only Newt, paralyzed in the doorway, his hair tousled from the pillow and apparent dark circles under his eyes. You sigh in relief as he stammers an apology - he couldn’t sleep, wanted to take a walk outside and mistook your door for the exit. You shake your head, not resentful. You can feel him staring at your face, though, discovering it for the first time, and you can’t tell what he’s thinking, but you blush nevertheless. He timidly asks for your name, and you answer in a hesitant murmur - Jenna. You’re already reprimanding yourself - you knew you couldn’t get attached and especially not to an ambulant virus-bearer! Newt refuses to go away, though, and deep down, you don’t want him to.

• The rest of the night is spent talking with him, fighting back the slumber and yawns, and telling him about your life and everything you can remember. It’s mostly you who does the talk because Newt’s memories don’t go back up very far, so when he’s exhausted the subject of the Glade, you take the reins and narrate everything you can remember from your early years, every small detail you have of the world before the eruptions - they’re minuscule, a playground with a yellow swing and dahlias, a rusty subway in a dark tunnel, but it seems enough for Newt, who’s now sitting on your bed, hanging on your every word as though they were a mystic prophecy. Eventually, his eyes darted around your room and noticed the dusty violin crumpled in a dark corner, and asked you if you knew how to play - he seemed genuinely interested, not only wanting to make small talk and gain your trust, but sincerely wanting to know your experience, so you nodded. You added it had been years since you had last picked it up, though, and it would probably be a clusterfuck if you tried to play, supposing that you even remembered how to hold the bow and strum the chords. He laughed but asked if you could show him a little demonstration, a glint of curiosity in his brown eyes. You obliged after a few seconds of internal deliberation, convinced that nothing could go wrong and your crush was starting to get out of control - better give your heart everything it wanted for a night, and then it would leave you alone, right? So you played with delicacy, like you used to do when you were younger and more experienced; the sounds came jerky, halting, dissonant at times because of your lack of training, but you finally managed to get a melody out of the mess of notes you tried. It was very simple, nothing out of the ordinary, but you can’t remember any particular piece that you knew before, and even if you did, you wouldn’t have the level of mastery to play it again. However, Newt looks admirative, as if you had just performed an incredible concerto in front of a sea of people… when you finally put the violin down with a shy smile, he claps enthusiastically, smiling fondly at you. In your opinion, you don’t deserve that much recognition, but he seems so mesmerized by the way you play, the way you talk - by you. And before you know it, the sun rises and Newt is gone, not without a lingering glance in your direction before disappearing in the tunnels.

• Sadly, you two never got together, despite the undeniable attraction and chemistry there was between the two of you. It was simply too dangerous. Newt didn’t want to wreck your life by infecting you with his virus, his curse, and well might you tried to explain that you probably had already contracted the Flare in this rathole you lived in, he refused to bulge. You saw each other in secret, though. You wanted to see him, so one night, without telling anybody, you took your mask and your suit, your gun and provisions, and you jumped in the secret passage to Denver. It wasn’t long until you found Thomas’s and Newt’s hideout. You knew Gally too well, so you immediately figured what kind of place he would choose to hide. The three boys were shocked to see you, especially Newt, who blamed himself for making you come and probably killing yourself - but you told them it was your decision and you were determined to help. Thomas was the quickest to come at your defence, maintaining that any help would be welcome, but you noticed Newt had his teeth gritted throughout the whole conversation, probably not wanting to say something reckless. That night, he came to find you in your room just like that other night, when you met each other and talked your hearts out… until Newt let down his guard. Just for one night, he accepted - just for the last night of his life, he accepted. He couldn’t deny he wanted to be with you, he wanted you. So for the last night of your lives only, he accepted, and you had this one night - and you would’ve wanted a thousand more, but you were ready to take what he would give you. The future was too uncertain for compromises.

• And the day after, you were both found together, laying in your own blood, hands clasped together on the solid ground, in the middle of the fire and the sword, together, just like you wanted, until the very end.

Moodboard

Playlist

Imagine Dragons - Demons

Breaking Benjamin - Dance With The Devil

Fall Out Boy - Young Volcanoes

Birdy - Wings

[nerdygirl8203]

You Didn’t See That Coming? Part 3

A/N: NO HE DOES NOT DIE FOREVER. PLEASE READ UNTIL THE END.

Part 1  Part 2

"Miss Stark, Mr. Stark is calling." JARVIS says in my ear. They are on a mission and I'm in the helicopter; back-up.

"Answer it please, oh and call me Morgan, please." No matter how many times I tell it to call me Morgan it just doesn't. "Hello dad. Need me?"

"Hi, M. Yeah we do; we have an enhanced." He says. "Give me two seconds, I'll be there."

I run into the field and see Clint on the ground, shot, with Nat next to him. "Do I need to bring your ass back to the copter or do I get the ass hat that did this to you?"I ask him.

"Get him. Oh and by the way he has super speed and said 'You didn't see that coming?' so use that when you get him." Says Clint. I smile and say "Will do, Old Man!" I then run off not wanting to hear him lie saying he's not old when he is. I run around until I see the enhanced.

Okay so best course of action is probably to run into him. So of course that's what I do. I run into him at full speed making him fall to the ground on his back but I was ready; I just stand firm.

"You didn't see that coming?" I ask him as he's on the ground. "Kay, got speedy. What should I do with him?" I ask over the intercoms that I couldn't hear while running. No one answers. Of course you don't answer the girl with the super human, that makes total sense to me...

Speedy gets up but I quickly grab his wrist so he can't run. He looks at me and I give him a smile. "Hi, I'm Morgan. Since my fantastic team members aren't answering I'll be with you for a while; better get used to me." He doesn't respond, but he does look at me and I get to study his features a little. "Wait, it's you. Where's your sister?" I look at him concerned. What if we didn't get here in time to save her!?

"How do you know me or my sister?" He asks, he has an accent.

"Well, I see things and you and your sister, I've been seeing you two a lot. Listen, I'm like you. I've been experimented on, it's how I got my powers; same with Steve; so I know what it's like. We don't want to hurt you, we want to put the guys who did this to you in jail; we don't even want to hurt them, but if we have to to get them behind bars then we are gonna. But, we don't want to hurt you so please don't hurt us. These guys are my family, they're all I got so please don't hurt them; you wouldn't like t if your sister got hurt and I don't like it when my family gets hurt either." He has a small smile on his face but it soon disappears. "How do I know you aren't lying?" He asks. "Well, for starters, your sisters name is Wanda, I believe. Your's is Pietro. You have super speed she has telekinetic powers. Yes?"

Before he can answer I sense something. He's in trouble! I let go of Pietro and run to dad. When I do get there he's at the scepter but he seems to be in a trance, with Wanda behind him; she's doing it.

"Not cool." I say in her direction. "Dad?" No response. "Hello?" I'm skipping all this stuff. I slap him, but not too hard; it might still leave a bruise. He snaps out of it and grabs the scepter then leaves.

I huff a little. Wow, you're welcome. "Wow, that was real cool," I say sarcastically to Wanda who now has Pietro next to her. I wait or dramatic effect. "Wanda." I then speed out of that creepy place.

I get to the aircraft before dad. "Hello, everybody!" I smile at everyone. Before they can even ask I inform them. "Dad got the scepter, but the girl used her powers on him so... yeah. Oh and the boys name is Pietro, he has super speed, and the girls name is Wanda, she has telekinetic powers. Pietro seems decent but Wanda I'm not particularly fond of, for obvious reasons."

"Hey, the lullaby worked better than ever." Nat says after she gets Bruce's attention off of his opera music.

"Just wasn't expecting the Code Green." He says a little frazzled. "If you hadn't been there, there would've been double the casualties. My best friend would've been a treasured memory." She says talking about Clint. "You know, sometimes exactly what I want to hear isn't exactly what I want to hear." "How long before you trust me?"

They keep talking but it's all very boring so I put on my headphones and listen to some music; mostly musicals and some rock here and there. I pull out my Kindle and continue reading Everything, Everything by Nicola Yoon.

I look up and everyone is leaving the plane.

"Wow, thanks for telling me we landed." I remarked sarcastically, but no one even looks at me. That was a pretty good remark.

I get out of the aircraft and go into the tower to makes some tea and read a good book.

~~During the battle~~

I sit on the aircraft like I always do during the fun battles. I wait for everyone to come back from the fight with Ultron. Well that's before I get a vision of Clint shielding a child and then the sound of gun shots.

I look up and see people getting on; civilians. I run out and start looking for the place I saw from the vision.

As I the sight gets into view I hear a gun shot. My hand shoots up and I hope something would happen. I close my eyes tightly and hope something protected Clint and the child; I hope something shields them from the bullets. I feel something I can't really describe at that time.

I don't look till somebody puts a hand on my shoulder. Please be a good guy. Please be a good guy. I look behind me and see the Archer. I sigh in relief that he and the child are alright.

I flood him with a million questions. "What happened? Are you alright? Did you get hurt? Where's the kid? Are they okay?" He waits for me to stop. When I finally do he replies "A shield type thing saved me and Pietro; he was gonna take the bullets and if you had been a millisecond later he'd be all hole-y. I'm fine. No I didn't get hurt, well from that. The kid went back to his mother. And he's fine." I look at him shocked. "How do you know it was me with the shield?" "Well you still find new powers so I guessed..." I look down at my hand and see a blue-green mist coming from it.

Speedster then basically appears in front of me. "You are okay?" He asks like I could have gotten hurt when I was probably a good few feet away. "I mean yeah, I felt... something. But yeah I'm fine. Nothing injured, from that at least." I chuckle nervously trying to lighten the tension.

That of course didn't work. Both the boys still seemed worried and amazed. "Well, we should get back." I tell them but this is the first time I looked at Pietro for more then a millisecond. "You- you have a- a bullet hole!" I exclaim.

"Well, um, yes. But it will not hurt for long." He tries to calm me which worked as well as me trying to calm him. "That means it hurts. Go with Clint, don't get in trouble and find everyone else. I'll do a quick look over of the place," I look at both the boys and say this but then look only at Pietro "And get that fixed up; wouldn't want you hole-y." I try and joke.

Before Clint can complain about me stealing his joke I run off to do a check of the area. I find Wanda with several 'dead' robot things around her (Ultron's team). She's sobbing like part of her died.

"Hey..." I say carefully.

"Pietro, he's hurt or dead!" She says between sobs, whimpers and shaky breath. "He's not dead! Don't worry he'll be fine. Just one bullet hit him, I saw him and the wound myself. He was gonna die to protect a child and Clint." I explain to her. "How- who- Why?!" She says not knowing exactly what to ask first. "It was with a machine gun, Ultron or one of his goons and because he's on the other team?" I say more of a question. "If it was in fact a machine gun, how is he not dead?" She questions seeming happy yet curious. "Well, um, I have these power, I guess, that just kinda pop up. I shielded him and Clint, or at least that's what Clint says is what happened." I try to play it cool; probably failing miserably.

She looks at me then walks up to me and hugs me. I hug her back rather awkwardly due to me not really knowing her or being a touchy-feely kind of person. She pulls away and says "Thank you, He is the only one I have left." I smile at her then say "Well, yes and no. I'm pretty sure you and your brother are Avengers now, so you have me and the team now. Trust me, the team will treat you like family; they always have with me at least, and I'm sure you two will be no different."  I smile at her.

"Oh, we have to get back to leave this place ASAP!" I tell her. She takes off flying (only a few inches off the ground) towards the aircraft. I soon follow suit but running instead of flying. But before we can even get there I feel as though my heart was ripped out in front of me and squeezed till every drop and ounce of blood has dripped out; and then it was forced back into my empty cavity of a chest.

I fall to my knees and quiver;not being able to to breathe. I know who it is that made me feel this way and why.

"Pietro..." Is all I can think to say. I look over to see Wanda on her knees doing the same a me. It seems we both know that something horrible happened to him. I wasn't there to save him this time; I failed him, I might as well have killed him myself.

I put my hand on Wanda's shoulder to try and comfort her. Before I even know it she's hugging me and I her. I cry and walk back to the aircraft with Wanda right next to me; we don't need to say anything for her to know that we both loved him (yes, in different ways but still love and such).

We finally get back to everyone else, but before they can even ask me any questions I put my headphones on and close my eyes and listen to 'Not About Angels' by Birdy... for the whole time to get to the tower... which probably isn't the best thing to do right now but I honestly couldn't care less at this point.

No one talked, they just looked at Wanda sympathetically and at me with confusion and sadness in their eyes. No one knew I liked him, I barely knew I liked him; but now I know that I loved him. Well at least that's what I'm guessing this newly found emotion is.

We land, I'm the first one out and immediately go to my room. I keep my headphones and close the door, not even bothering to lock it, then flop on my bed. I have no tears to cry but it's like I can't feel anything but so much regret.

I ignored him, he tried to talk to me in the tower and I ignored him. How could I have done that? I only did that because he hurt my family and he said sorry god knows how many times. I denied my feelings and tried to make myself believe that I didn't like him. Now I can't even tell him, now he's gone and it's all my fault. I should have helped and saved him somehow. I should have been the one to die, it shouldn't have been him.

I stay in my room for weeks only ever coming out for meals or to go to the bathroom. I'm not doing the one thing I would have killed to do at one point, fighting the bad guy; helping anyway I could. Everyone has come in a saw me; Steve, Clint, Nat, Bruce, everyone. My dad is trying his best but I can't get over this, I miss him so much. They are keeping his body in the lab, I have no clue as to why but they are.

At first my mind loved to play tricks on me; show me visions of him waking up or coming to see me or smile and eating in the kitchen with everyone. I would believe that he would wake up, but it never happened, he never woke up.

Then I went to the anger stage of grief and went to the gym and training room; I would punch anything I could, I would kick robot ass and I would work my ass off pushing myself to just destroy something. I would get irritated very easily. During this time we got a new member his name is Bucky or Buck or whatever stupid nickname Dad gave him.

I soon got to the bargaining stage. During this I would talk into the obis just hoping that there was a god or something that was able to bring him back or just let me see him one last time. At one point I asked Thor if he could do something, but he couldn't. I asked if there was a way for me to go back to that day, for me to die instead; still nothing. During this the Avengers fought, got two new member who's names are Peter or spider man or Spidey, and Bucky, or Buck, or the Winter Shoulder. then made up to fight a big baddie whom killed people I never met ( Drax, Wong and a Raccoon thing I think his name was Rocket).

So here I am, fighting my own battle with depression. But I've gotten really good at pretending that I'm fine and I've gotten over it. Some people see through it (Stephen Strange, Wanda, Loki, Buck and Peter Quill). I've gotten decently close with all the new guys, they all seem pretty decent and like an extended family. Wanda has gotten really close with Vision and they are even dating, which I'm in full support of!

The people who see through my act have tried to help and all that but as much as they try I still am having trouble accepting the fact that I will never get Pietro back, that I'll never see him again. My dad, I think, subconsciously knows but just won't accept that I got hurt so much from this and the fact that I've had such a hard time with his death. I think he just wants me to be the way I was. I've gotten very close to Buck, Peter and Stephen. Turns out Buck was captured by HYDRA too so he helps me and I help him; plus he's as old as Steve and used to be friends with him so that's cool. Peter lost his mother and was adopted (kinda) by a blue dude who was super cool but sadly died and his actual dad tried to hypnotize him, kill all his friends and the galaxy and gave Peter's mom cancer. Stephen got in an accident and his hands got kinda messed up and now they shake a lot, but he used to be a surgeon and with his hands all shaky he had to stop and then he found that Wong guy who taught him magic and this cap he wears all the time is like basically a friend of his (still confused about the cape thing). But he lost a person he was in love with because of what happened so he helps me a lot with the whole Pietro situation.

I'm still having trouble fully accepting all of what happened but I'm getting closer and closer everyday. I'm not as depressed as I was so I can genuinely be happy once and a while and I've stopped isolating. Turns out the new people on the team are really cool. Plus, Loki's back!

Today is sadly my birthday and no I am not exactly excited about it. I hate my birthday with a passion of a thousand suns. I don't want gifts, I don't want cake, don't want candles and I don't want today to be different then any other day, meaning I don't want something special to happen. But with my family something will happen. I know that some of them will get me a gift because they all but tortured me to tell them what I want; I finally broke and told them I want shirts that will remind me of them.

"Good morning, birthday girl!" My dad practically yelled after he woke my up and I forced myself to open my eyes.

"I told you not to make a big deal. So what? Oh, wow, I haven't died yet and I'm one year older; big whoop." I remark being as sarcastic as possible. "Well we have to celebrate. Everyone is too excited for you for us not to celebrate!" I groan at my dad's remark but get up anyways.

I follow my dad to the dining room; not even bothering to change out of my plain white t-shirt and fuzzy pajama pants that resemble a blue poodle skirt. I get into the informal dining room and see everyone there; except for T'Challa who is back in Wakanda and Spidey who is probably with his Aunt at home.

"Hey guys! Look M&M is finally awake!" Buck belted getting everyone's attention. He's normally not one to draw attention or be loud so this sudden loud outburst kind of surprises me. I roll my eyes at him but can't help but smile due to the nickname.

"So can I have breakfast or do I have to do something amazing because it's my birthday?"

Before I can even sit down Clint says "Well, a hand stand into a somersault followed by a pose would be pretty cool." I groan but sit at the breakfast bar next to Wanda. "So how you doing, Buckaroo, Bird Brain?" I ask Buck and Clint with a smirk.

Then Stephen starts to give everyone breakfast; my favorite, waffles with mashed up strawberries, hash browns and orange juice. Even my dog, Tonks, runs up to me and licks my hand. "Hey Tonks!" I say in a happy voice. "Wait, why does the dog get a happy face when she says happy birthday?" Clint asks. "Because, Old Man, Tonks is much cuter then any of you." I reply making sure to push one of his several buttons that annoy him.

"Do you know why we got you that dog?" Steve asks. "No, Capsicle, enlighten me." I tell him in response. "Well, after 'Civil War', as you like to call it, all of us,"

"The ones that were part of it." Wanda clarifies. "Chipped in and got Tonks for you, basically as a thank you of sorts." Steve continues.

I stare at him and raise an eyebrow. "Well, in that fight you all must have hit your head pretty hard to think that you need to thank me. I didn't fight in it remember." I say rather bluntly.  "Well, technically, no you didn't. But you listened to all of us and our point of view. Plus you helped Bucky when we all came back together to fight again." Steve tells me.

"Hell yeah she did." Bucky pipes up. And then pats my back. "Well, how could I not? He's basically a lost puppy!" I say then send a smirk his way to which he pretends to be offended which makes me stick out my tongue at him like a child.

After this we all eat and chat like usual. But then what I feared would happen happened; everyone slowly started to pull out bags or wrapped gifts out for under their seats.

I groan and then say "Why do you guys love to torture me? You're supposed to be the good guys!"

"Well, it's a pretty simple reason really, it's because it's hilarious." Responses Loki. I roll my eyes. "If I get anything other than a shirt or sweatshirt or something I might have to kill all of you, and I will not hesitate." I tell them.

Once everyone is done eating I decided to just get it over with. I open each present rather fast even though I do like all of the shirts.

Dad got me an iron man shirt that was basically just a picture of his suit on a shirt. Steve got me a shirt that had and older picture of him in his suit that said 'I want YOU' then the picture of him and then on the bottom it continued with 'to WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE NOW'. Thor got me a shirt with a his hammer on it in a circle. Nat got me a shirt that looked like the top part of her suit. Clint got me a white shirt with 'I' then a heart with an arrow in it the underneath it said 'Hawkeye'. Bruce got me a shirt that had the hulk's figure in green then in front of it was a smaller man's figure whom was Bruce. Pepper said she couldn't find anything like her so she got me a grey shirt with fake rips on them that reviled the iron man chest. Bucky got me a sweatshirt with his metal arm printed on it. Stephen got me a black shirt that said 'Dormammu' then his cape and inside that it said 'I've come to bargain'. Peter (Quill) gave me one of his shirts that had some alien language on it but it kinda looked like it said 'Yeah Baby'. Wanda gave me a red shirt that had her on it and said 'Scarlet Witch' on it. T'calla sent me a sweatshirt that looked like his suit with his necklace. Loki gave me a shirt with a really cute almost babyish version of him in his 'suit' and it said 'Kneel before me!!!'. Spidey gave me a shirt with his masked face as a bunch of emotions. Scott gave me a shirt that looked like his Ant-Man suit. Vision gave me a shirt that looked like his cape. Rhodey gave me a shirt that looked like his suit. Sam gave me what he looks like in the same babyish style as Loki's in his suit. Nebula gave me a shirt with the nebula on it. Mantis gave me a shirt with her on it and the word 'Mantis' on it. Glamora gave me a shirt with her face on it as a wanted poster. Groot gave me a white shirt with a chest pocket that made it look like he was half in it and half out.

"Aw guys, this is so sweet; and you all actually listened to me for once!" I tease at the end.

"There is one more gift." Wanda says. She pulls out a bag with a cloud design on it. I look at her questioningly but pull out the contents of the bag anyways. It's what looks like Pietro's old shirt. My breath hitches at the sight. "It's one of Pietro's old shirts. I figured you would like one." Wanda stats. I look at her "I don't need this. You already gave me one of his blankets." She then smiles at me. "I know you don't need it, but I want you to have it; Pietro would want you to have it." I get up and go to hug her and she soon copies. I whisper in her ear "Thank you." She whispers back "No problem, you deserve it."

We break apart and I look at all the shirts taking in every detail. I am so lucky to have all these amazing people in my life; I love them all so much. I end up looking just at Pietro's old one.

I snap myself out of my thoughts. "Well I should go get changed into actual clothes." I announce to everyone.

"Wear one of the shirts!" Peter says excited. "I am Groot!" Groot agrees. "I was planning on it." I respond. Then everyone starts to argue about who's shirt I should put on. I roll my eyes for the hundredth time today and walk to my room to get changed.

I end up putting on Pietro's old shirt, which is rather tight in the chest area, some old ripped up plain jeans and some sea foam green Converse. I put my hair up into a high ponytail. I don't bother to put on makeup because I am way too lazy to really ever do that; it's just gonna get messed up anyways. I put on a Doctor Who bracelet and a small rose gold bracelet that says 'Stay Strong' engraved on it. But finally I put on a silver crown ring on I got from an unknown person on my birthday before the last fight with Ultron.

I pick up the book I'm reading, for the hundredth and tenth time, Let It Snow by John Green, Lauren Myracle and Maureen Johnson.

Before I leave me room I say something to 'Pietro' or nothingness, still not sure which. "Hey, I miss you, a lot. I miss you all the time. Every second. And I want you to know I don't blame you for what happened, I don't think I ever will."

I walk out of my room and down the hall to the elevator. I get in and go down to the main level so I can leave the tower and go to my favorite place in the world, the book store down the street.

Before I can reach the door I hear Wanda say telepathically "Wait for me. I will be down in one moment." I do as she says and wait by the door for her and, like she said, she is down soon there after.

"Can I go with you to the bookstore?" She asks me like I would ever say no to her company. "Yeah, of course!" I reply without missing a beat. "Shall we?" I ask her and gesture to the door. "We shall." She says linking her arm with mine.

Once we get to the bookstore our paths part. I go and look around at all the books and merchandise for some of the books. I read the back of one which catches my attention. It's called To All the Boys I've Loved Before by Jenny Han. I sit down at a booth they have by a coffee, tea and some pastries bar type thing.

I order my mint tea and blueberry muffin then hear Wanda's voice in my head. "I apparently need to go back to the Tower. I am sorry, I'll see you later." Is all she said before I heard the bell on the door chime signaling someone was entering or exiting.

I start to read taking a bite of my muffin or a sip of my tea here and there; until I hear Wanda's voice "You should come back to the Tower as soon as you can." The bell didn't ring so I know she's not actually here. This mind thing still doesn't make sense to me.

She said as soon as I can so I get the feeling it's urgent. I run back to the Tower using my speed powers, even though it's just a few minute walk meaning it's probably less then a millisecond run at super speed. I run in the door and use powers to feel where they are. I run to the lab and see everyone standing around a table. "What is it? Is everyone okay?!" I ask suddenly getting an overwhelming feeling of anxiety and guilt for not being here if something happened.

"Well everyone is okay, even some people we thought weren't." Bruce says seeming to be very cautious. I feel my eyebrows furrow together in confusion. "What do you mean?" I ask felling something bad is about to happen; like how I feel before a fight breaks out.

Before anyone can answer I feel a slight wind and a hand on my back; no one was behind me. My breathing goes faster. It's one of two things. Either some villain evil guy got in and is gonna kill me or the thing that's okay is Pietro, which seems impossible but weirder things have happened before with this family. I feel a chill run down my spine even thinking about Pietro being alive and breathing again.

"Hello..." I hear something that sounds like Pietro. But that's impossible, even for us. There is no way a dead person can come back to life, absolutely no way.

My eyes flicker between Bruce and my father at a rapid pace; barely enough time for me to even see them. "Why?" Is all I can think to say. Why would they make a thing that sounds like him!? Did they think this would help Me and Wanda!? A million other thoughts race through my mind at a mile a second. They look at me even more confused then they already where.

Before I can even think about anything else to say a Pietro lookalike is standing in front of me. "I have missed you." Is all it says. I look at it not wanting to show any emotion but my nose betrays me by twitching in anger. I don't take my eyes of the presumed robot. "How could you!? Did you think this would help me!? 'Yeah lets make a robot of Pietro to help Morgan and Wanda! That's a great idea!'" I use a dumb sounding voice at the end to imitate them. "What do you mean?" The robot asks looking rather hurt. "What did you use to make it have thoughts and emotions? I get how you did it with Vision but how did you do it with this?" I ask sounding startling calm even to me. But before they can even think about what I just said I spit out "Know what? I don't want to know! I'll be in my room, don't bother me unless it is absolutely necessary." I say then storm out of the room not even bothering to look back even slightly.

Hot tears sting my eyes and fall down my heated, no doubtably reddened face. I'm so angry that I can barely control my own powers. All I can think about is how they could do that. I'm Tony's niece who I thought he considered a daughter yet he had the brilliant idea to do this or help do this.

I get to my room, shut my door with a loud thud and slam my body onto my bed wanting to scream, cry, and punch all at the same time. I wrap myself in the mint blue blanket that Wanda gave me of Pietro's. Between the shirt and the blanket it smells and feels like Pietro is here with me, here living again. I don't bother to hold back anymore; I sob.

I end up talk to nothingness again hoping that somewhere Pietro can hear, even if it's in a different universe. "How much longer do I need to fake being happy? I don't think I'll ever be whole again. I lost the one person I never knew I needed, how ironic is that. I want you back. I don't want to cry anymore, I don't want to fake happy, I don't want to forget you and I don't want to have to fight to stay okay anymore. I still love everything about you, Pietro. The only thing I don't love about you is the fact you aren't with me. I feel less empty then I was but I don't know why, I don't know why I'm feeling kinda okay. I mean I'm mad and sad but I don't know, what if that was-" I cut myself off. "No that's insane."

I hear a knock on my door. I'm not okay but I'm not showing that to everyone else. It honestly hurts a lot, but I'm gonna keep it inside and to myself so it doesn't hurt anyone else.

"Who is it?" I ask. I'm not ready to see dad or Bruce.

"It's Steve." Say the voice that belongs to Steve on the other said of the door. "Come in."

He opens the door and comes inside. But he doesn't shut the door behind him. I sit up on my bed so he has a place to sit. He does sit, next to me.

He doesn't talk for a moment or two. "I know this is tough. I kind of went through it with Bucky so I sort of know how your feeling on some level." He takes a deep breath and I assume he's planning out his next words; this makes me have a feeling I'm not going to like what he's going to say. "I know this is gonna be tough to hear but it's him, and before you get defensive or upset just hear me out. Even if you don't think it's him isn't it worth a shot to see if it is, I mean seriously. We all noticed how upset you got after everything happened that day. Plus if it's him I mean think about how much he's missed out on, he's gonna need a friendly face. I'm not gonna say I know for sure it's him but even Wanda thinks it is. So if there is any chance it's him, I suggest you take it. If it's not him and you get even slightly hurt I will owe you so so much and you can completely blame me." He finishes and he seems to wait for my answer.

It takes me a while to think over everything he said but I do eventually come to a conclusion. I nod seeming to get the message to him that I'm going to take the chance that it might be him.

He gets up and I follow having to focus on what I'm doing just to get my legs to move. Steve doesn't even give me a chance to rethink before he takes my shoulder in his hand lightly and directs me to where Pietro is.

We get to the lab and see the silver haired boy looking down at his hands that are fidgeting on his lap. It's the first time I've seen him move in so long. I visited him or his body everyday since the incident. Steve doesn't push or pressure me to go in he seems to be letting me go in when I'm ready and I'm extremely grateful for that.

I take a deep breath and open the glass door by the metal bar handle. For once I'm grateful that the monitors and other equipment are in the other room. This means it's only Pietro and I in the room since Steve isn't coming in and went the the other room to check medical things with everyone else.

I stand next to the door rethinking my choice. Before I can escape without him noticing the door shuts making a soft noise that Pietro notices. His head darts up. When he sees me his whole demeanor changes. At first he seems extremely happy to see me, then relieved, then confused and finally sad or maybe guilty.

"May I come over?" I ask trying to break the awkward silence. He just nods indicting that I can move towards him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak out, I just don't really trust that it's you. I mean you were gone I just don't understand how this could happen." I try to explain feeling guilt starting to drown me.

"You have no reason to be sorry. I am the one who messed up. I am the one who did this." He says. He hasn't stopped moving since I first saw him. I feel tears sting my eyes again, but this time they are from being guilty and I have so much remorse for what I did.

I don't know what to say, so I do the only thing I can think to do; I hug him. He doesn't even seem to think. He immediately hugs me back as if we were meant to be like this, which maybe we were.

We pull back after what seemed like hours. This is the first time I really look at his face. His electric blue eyes are full of energy and light. His face is still pale but now it's just pale it's not dead person, no blood flow pale. His lips have color they are slightly pink and purple but they aren't just pale and lifeless. This is when I finally realize that what I was being told was and is true.

"You're alive." I all I can say over the shock.

He then reply's with:

"You didn't see that coming?"

[rayaarchive]

about

THINGS RAYA DOES:

1) Raya sneaking up and blowing frost on Fae’s neck after a bath and he’s still damp enough for it to suck 2) Uses fire magic to give rly warm hugs ?? 3) When she has nothing to do: looks for Cole even though she knows she won’t find him while knowing he will just appear in these situations. She just wants to make sure he’s not alone being sad. That’s it. She just talks to him or tried to get him to play a game with him. 4) She can play the Zhaleika… when ever she can find one. 5) She keeps a spoon on her somewhere. Not always in the same place but just somewhere, be it in her braid or shirt or apron.

You might think it’s for cooking but mostly it’s thrown at people. 6) Raya knows everyone's favorites foods and makes them when they're having bad days. Raya doesn't make a whole lot for herself when she's down, but she does make a mess when baking to make herself feel better 7) I’ve thought about this a few times but I’m not sure if it’s a normal thing or just me; my scars r rly sensitive, and since over 50% of Raya’s hands r covered in burn scar, I think her hands r incredibly sensitive and naturally she’d rly like soft things…. so I imagine she loves playing with ppls hairand that’s a big reason y she tries to get Fahleon to bathe, but also it’s just a thing she does to everyone. 8) The Ravens: …. reasonably, Raya has a separate garden full of sunflowers and corn purely for the birds so they don’t eat the stuff she cooks with “A little birdy told me” is a running joke in skyhold because apparently EVERYONE has a bird Raya notices the birds come to the dungeon often and gives them parcels to take down there when she sees them in the ‘bird garden’. She always asks them politely. There is a ‘bird dish’ outside one of the kitchen windoes where Raya has melted the metal and stone togeather so no one can take the bowl away any more. (Bird or person.) and it’s mostly for Ada with meat, but all the animals end up getting to it any how. The cats terrorize the birds n the garden and there isn’t much she can do about it tbh. They also keep the mice away so she won’t shoo them off 9) Medic edition: Oh your hurt? BITE ME. Shut up, im working. Cauterizes wounds with her HANDS. enjoys your pain because fuck you for being stabbed is the most aggressive pacifist ever Completely silent and quick/efficient during this, she knows what shes doing and shes got like 50 things going through her head and probably just as many things going on with her hands doubles the kitchen as a walk in infirmary HOARDS YARROW - DO NOT TOUCH, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT will probably call you a ‘fuck nut’ or something. WILL SMACK THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR WOUND IF YOU DON’T LISTEN TO HER. uses the ‘five-flower remidy’ as a cure all tbh  [ Clematis, Cherry Plum, Impatiens, Rock Rose, and Star of Bethlehem ]

10)   It’s just occurred to me that Raya has no concept of age. It’s pretty much just “it’s a baby”, “old”, “not old” and like, all the vague area inbetween. Like ur either n diapers, ancient, or “not old” and that’s the only concept of age that registers most of the time.

A list of bullshit that is canon: Raya is a ‘hero of ferelden’ fangirl … not high or low key, but like mid-key Actively tries to make the anxiety bomb that is levy, not have anxiety…. by accidentally giving him anxiety Thinks it’s cool that Fahleon is a warden. Thinks he’s a bit of a dolt for not knowing anything about wardens. Finds it absolutely hilarious that blackwall is better at it than Fahleon so says nothing when she catches on that he is n fact not a warden. Even though Raya takes lessons from Morrigan, she’s petrified of her… More so of Vivienne While not in private, Cullen and Raya still act like dicks to eachother. Tossing barbs at eachother has become something like a game. Raya can’t sing to save her life! Her spacial awareness isn’t the greatest She’s not ticklish at all She made Cullen promise to keep ‘them’ a secret… ppl found out any way. She doesn’t trust most people. That’s why she’s so clingy and tolerant of Fahleon: she trusts him. Both enamored by and scared shitless of dragons Likes collecting bones for no real reason Weird = cool Not very smart outside of plant things

about:

Name: Raya Galina

Age: ~19

Race: Half elf

Status: ex-slave / cook

Raya, if nothing else, is bouncy! Bouncy hair, bouncy clothes, bouncy toes! She’s always bouncing about no matter what she’s doing. She’s an ex-slave, born into it because her mother was a city elf owned by a jeweler. Not a kind man in any sense, but Raya grew up helping and wanting to help. She’s mainly a cook, always has been, but cooking requires a good amount of knowledge with herbs and spices, so she’s a fair herbologist as well. Now that she has her freedom, she’s much more ‘exuberant’ than she has been in the past, which causes some problems, but her freedom is new and important and she’s over excited to fight for it and maintain it….

Raya is a half elf (half human). She’s fully aware but doesn’t mention it until someone else does first or its to defend herself / correct someone. She doesn’t hide her more elf like traits and prefers elves to humans for many reasons. She’s fully aware of her advantages and disadvantages to being a mixed breed.

She recognizes how had it is for both the Dalish and the city elves but she does have day dreams of visiting an Alienage to learn more about her mother’s culture. She’s rather disgusted by humanity and parts of their cultures, but knows it’s the easier life to live.

Raya is darker than most humans on Thedas, yet paler than the elves, with ears also somewhere in the middle. Her hair is pale to nearly white like her mothers. She has large ice blue eyes like her mother (sans the color), as she was an elf, yet her nose is more human. She’s a lean girl with small breast and no hips to speak of, yet her arms and core are toned from years of tedious kneeding. Scars cover her back from being punished with a whip for years… she hides them rather easily with her dress though.

Her hands are burnt on the palms and up over the edges where learning to use fire has licked away the definition in contrast to her feet that are callous from never wearing shoes. And her left eye and cheek are covered with a brown tattoo of her patron god.

Raya’s hands might be dainty because she’s small, but they’re leathery and fuck ugly. They’re covered in scars and burns from learning how to cook and do magic at the same time. Plus I think she forgets that real fire burns (as Opposed to fire she makes that will avoid her) Not all her cooking is magic, just the things that don’t take long or take much effort. I.e. would hand cook biscuits and a small bird but anything bigger than a dog gets to go n the oven

Raya is not religious at all. She knows the varying kinds in her world, likes the idea of them, but doesn’t believe what she doesn’t see. She has faith but not in a religious figure. She has faith in the potential of humanity.

She isn’t very smart (unless it involves food/herbs), she’s illiterate, mildly street smart, but runs mostly on intuition / gut feeling. It’s why she steer a clear of Solas and never takes her eyes off when he around. She has no reason not to like him but she doesn’t trust him at all.

She is ALL emotion. She doesn’t think first before displaying them and her heart is in full view. The only emotion she tries to hide is sadness and even then, she only tries so much. She doesn’t believe in hiding or dimming them and her mother is the one who told her never to bottle emotions or they grew out of control. (Can you imagine if she did and how disasterous itd Be?)

) How do they move and carry themselves? Pace, rhythm, gestures, energy?

Raya has too much energy; she never stops moving. Even when she’s standing still, she’s not still. She’s fidgeting something or another, wether it’s grasping and re grasping or worrying the hymn of her dress or shifting back and forth on her feet. She walks in the same constant movement; her pace is a little off kilter and her speed is inconsistent. She also tends to talk with her hands, either flailing with excitement or her wrists banging her hips when angry.

) How do they present themselves socially? What distinguishes their “persona” from their “true self”, and what causes that difference?

She tries to be very happy for others, and generally is a happy person, and she feels all of an emotion at once. When she’s happy she’s nothing but happy, and nothing but sad when she is, so she hides. She’s incredibly bad at hiding emotion so she will excuse herself with out waiting for an answer if she is upset over something.

) How do they view and feel about relationships, and how might this manifest in how they handle them, if it does?

She doesn’t rly think much about it. If it happens it happens (and she honestly might not notice it happen) but she doesn’t chase it and has no will to chase it. She’d rather have friends than obligations any how.

) What do they wonder about? What sparks their curiosity and imagination, and why? How is this expressed, if it is?

EVERYTHING. She wants to know! If you’re doing something she doesn’t know about she wants to learn, she might not always ask but she will always watch and maybe figure it out herself. She’s also very into animals -accept horses and bats- and isn’t very scared of them at all. She could never tame an animal by waiting because she’s too hyper, but she is persistent enough to in other ways if she can find those other ways.

)How does your character feel about religion? She doesn’t really subscribe to any but she likes both the elven version and the human version(sorta) so when Solas destroys elvish religion, she isn’t all that fucked up over it. Just sad.

)How does their education and intelligence – or lack thereof - reflect in their speech pattern, vocabulary, and pronunciations? She’s never been educated? She can’t spell for shit even after she’s thought to read and definitely says “yall” Very much a ‘sound it out’ person.

)Are they holding on to something in the past? Can he or she forgive? She is very much so afraid of her dad and that won’t ever change. She’s terrified of anyone recognizing her and taking her back and it’s partly why she stayed with the inquisition.

)Does your character have a guilty pleasure? this is probably going to sound fucked up, and maybe obvious if you’ve ever seen the stuff where she fights? But the only thing close to a guilty pleasure she has, is being able to decimate her mana supply while fighting. Shes so hyper all the time that being able to expel all her energy feels weirdly good

) What does your character’s name mean? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded? it actually was one of the possible names for my daughter and I still loved it so i decided to use it for an OC

) What would be their favorite physical trait about themselves? she of course likes her ears because they got a little bit pointy but she wishes they were more, she loves her legs though, she’s gotten compliments on them before and for her that’s a big deal

) Do they have a favorite season? What about a favorite holiday? she likes the spring for the rain :)

) What are your character’s sleeping habits? Heavy or light sleeper? Blanket stealer? One that always rolls onto the floor? Pushes their lover onto the floor? Sleep talker or walker? she likes rly big soft blankets, not rly Cus she needs them but they’re just nice to wrap up in. She isn’t a blanket hog when she’s with someone else, but she definitely burritos herself when alone, and she’s not a heavy sleeper like waking the dead but she’s not a horribly light sleeper who wakes at everything either. If u call her she’ll wake but not from just walking around. Also a very clingy bed mate xP

) In their own words, how would your character describe what their lover is like? “He’s a fully capable fumbling idiot and it’s adorable.”

) Does your character have any medical conditions? Are they serious or minor? Do they affect their day to day life? she’s got some trauma -see horses and scars- but generally she’s alright? Nothing affects her everyday life, just situational.

) Is there a particular event that would emotionally devastate your character? her mom died in front of her, she’s trying really hard to not fall apart because of it so if she had to deal with one more death she’d break entirely

) Is there anything in particular that would ignite your character’s jealousy? Or does your character not get envious? she’s not an overly jealous person but she’s extremely jealous of Dalish’s looks

) If your character confessed love to their crush, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc, what would they say? in general I’m not sure, but specifically Cullen; “…. skip the stuttering and just kiss me? I do have work to do you know.”

1.   What techniques or spells do they tend to use a lot?

raising roots to trip people, heating things with her hands and when she figures out how to use a bow and arrow she lights the arrows on fire when they let loose. She constantly regulates her body temperature so that shes comfortable enough to wear a dress, but she can also heat or freeze her body to get people off of her.

10.  Are they worried about hurting their allies by accident during combat or is it up to their allies’ responsibility to look after themselves?

If/When she does something beyond her normal skill level, shes terrified, she doesnt know how to work it and she fears hurting people on accident. Shes’s very emotionally run, sadness freezes the air and makes it hard to breath and anger runs hot and you cant get near her or the air stings with heat.

11.  What’s a weapon they either won’t use or can’t use?

She cant really use a sword or a maul or anything. shes weak, her arms are strong enough to haul a carcass and pull a bow string, but not enough to draw a sword to proper height.

16.  Complaints they might have about their comrades. What annoys them, what endangers them, what don’t they like, etc.

“Sera talks weird and its annoying but shes a good person even if she does hate elves. “Varric should hide less behind stories and ask for help when he needs it rather than busying himself with helping others. The Chargers are loyal only to The Iron Bull and she fears that; she stays on Bull’s good side for it. “Fahleon just needs to speak! He woudnt be so hurt if he just said it!

What would completely break your character?

Being alone. Rejection isn’t the same as being alone, being rejected hurts but it’s not nearly as bad as having no one at all. To have no where to turn and no one to talk to or care about or get advise from. Her biggest fear is to b left alone with nowhere to go and no one to just be with.

What was the best thing in your character’s life?

The affection and attention her mother paid her.

What was the worst thing in your character’s life?

Her mom died in an accident…

What seemingly insignificant memories stuck with your character?

Her dad winding metal with a fire behind him before he noticed her standing there, and the look on Fahleon’s face when he saw the rip n the sky the ‘first’ time.

Does your character work so that they can support their hobbies or use their hobbies as a way of filling up the time they aren’t working?

She works because she’s a slave. Then because she needs a reason for The inquisition to keep her, and then to make money to keep up the House. But she also enjoys her work…

What is your character reluctant to tell people?

About her dad. Mildly less so that she’s a slave because she’s scared she might be sent back.

How does your character feel about sex?

Doesn’t want it ever again. Will possibly kill u.

How many friends does your character have?

Like 4-5 depending on ur definition.

How many friends does your character want?

All of the friends

What would your character make a scene in public about?

If u shit talk ppl she cares about or if ur hurting someone. Get wreckt

What would your character give their life for?

Her friends or something she sees as a just trade

What are your character’s major flaws?

Doesn’t always understand boundaries or when to shut up. She sees lines that shouldn’t b crossed but doesn’t always realize she’s crossed them herself.

What does your character pretend or try to care about?

Other ppls opinions….

How does the image your character tries to project differ from the image they actually project?

She tries to only show that she’s happy and chipper, as that’s what her master/father wanted for his business, but she is very full of emotion -and over the course of the inquisition she loosens that fake mask a bit- and feels things 100% of the way.

What is your character afraid of?

Other than being alone, horses.

What is something most people in your setting do that your character things is dumb?

Racism n general.

Where would your character fall on a politeness/rudeness scale?

35% polite, 65% BITE ME

Bedrooms Imagine the first time any one tries to find Raya’s bed in Skyhold. They’ve been there for a while and it’s had time to accumulate things. And while she does share a room with other women of the same or similar status, her section is just glaringly different.

Everyone has some personal items and dodads about their space but Raya’s is kind of extra. Not extremely extra, but it’s really not necessary to teather sculls to your bed posts with twine, or have scavenged jewels about. It almoat looks like a stark contrast to the happy person she tries to be.

The near by window sheds light on the fact that she has scribbles all over the floor around her area; or to most people they look like scribbles. They’re protection runes. They keep people off of her things and it becomes very evident that she is, in fact, a home taught mage.

[saltinerunner45]

1 to 100

You can Ask💖

Sunrise or sunset? Sunrise is nicer I think, you get to see the world wake up

Are you mentally ill? depressed but ive had worse lol

Are you physically ill? nope

What is the most expensive thing you have bought? The most expensive thing that I have bought is probably my computer, but I did it in peices and built it so it was cheaper

Do you have a job? I work in a kitchen

Are you in school? Trying to pay off my debt so I can finish up this semester

Are you a dropout? nope

Are you in college? See 6

Introvert or extrovert? I fake being an extrovert very well lol

What do you think when you look at your body? its a work in progress. not what I want it to be but not awful

What have others said when they look at your body? My best friend said that they could tell I was working out, that definition was starting to appear

Do you have a particular song that you feel deeply? A few

Talk about a time in your life where you have felt most alive? During Relays when I was in highschool. we shattered our school record for the 4x4 and wrecked everyone in our heat :3

Are you confident wearing a bikini? As a man I feel a lot would be hanging out lol

Can you look people in the eyes while talking? only if I know them well. otherwise I look at their forheads

Has anything terrible happened to you? ive had a very fortunate life

Has anything wonderful happened to you? Many things

Favorite part of your personality? my ability to laugh at unfortunate situations that occur to me

Least favorite part of your personality? overthinking 

Favorite part of your body? dont really have a favorite

Least favorite part of your body? I dont like my knees showing

Favorite quote? Oh fuck I have so many but a relevent one of late is “I wouldnt ask you to lean on me if I wasnt prepared to fall with you”-Willam Chapman

Do you have friendships with all genders? If your a good person to me then I consider you a friend

Do you have a good relationship with your father? I do

Do you have a good relationship with your mother? I do

Do you have a good relationship with your siblings? 2/3 of them

Have you ever been hurt physically or mentally by a family member? no

Have you ever had a near death experience? a few times, but I walked away from all of them

Do you know anyone who has taken their own life? no

Have you ever tried to take your own life? I almost did in highschool

Biggest lie you have told? lol not answering this one

Do you follow any conspiracies? na

Do you believe in a New World Order? na

Do you respect your government and the way your country is run? you can respect something but not agree with it

Is there currently any strife in your country? jfc yes

Have you ever been displaced within your country? no

Are your friendships healthy? I try not to keep toxic people around me

Are you currently fighting with a friend? Kind of

Are you jealous of a friend? Why? Yes, and because im inadequate 

Do you believe in the Illuminati? no

Do you think any celebrities are associated with the Illuminati? Who? ^

How can people tell you are nervous? Im probably cracking my nuckles and my head is on a swivel 

How can people tell you are sad? Idk. im not sad in public often

Do you ever express your true feelings? Rarely

Regrets in your life? many

Achievements in your life? I left HS holding a few track records so  thats cool

What did people say about you in school? Probably that I was nice and good for a laugh

What did you say about people in school? Nice things for the most part

Is there something you have never told anyone? Of course

Have you committed an illegal act? Oh im sure, but not many/often

If you had two days to spend one million dollars how would you spend it? pay off my student debt and then put the rest towards a house for my parents

What were your aspirations at age 5, 10, 15, 18? To become a biologist

Describe your first kiss? Was it how you imagined? I dont remember it, only who it was with (and she just had a baby shower this week)

Growing up were you in a wealthy, average, or low income household? average-low. I didnt do a lot of class trips and stuff cause we didnt have a lot of money.

Are you from a broken marriage? no

Have you been raised by a solo parent? no

Do you know both your parents? yes

What colour eyes, hair and skin do you have? Brown/Hazle, Black and pasty white lol

Have you abused drugs or alcohol? no

What languages can you speak? English, some ASL

Do you conform to your societies standards? mostly

Do you cry often? On average Rarely

Do you tell people what you think of them? Only if its nice

Are you comfortable accepting compliments? I usually laugh them off

Are you comfortable giving compliments? yes

Is any mental illness hindering your life? no

Is any physical illness hindering your life? no

Do you keep up with current events? no

What’s the latest news in the world you have heard/read? A body was found on Mount Greylock when we were hiking it

What have you done today? Sifted flock for warhammer lol

Do you sleep well? usually

Do you sleep badly? I did this weekend

Have you ever hurt anyone because you were hurting? unfortunately yes

Has anyone ever hurt you because they were hurting? yes

Have you ever had to end a friendship/relationship? Why? yeah, cause they got with my girlfriend and then up and left her a month later

Have you ever stopped someone from hurting themselves? yes

Has anyone ever stopped you from hurting yourself? I have never self harmed

Do you like your laugh? yes

Are you preparing for an apocalypse? And what kind? lol no

Do you have any funny family stories? a few yes

Are you religious? no

Do you like to watch true crime shows or movies? If they are on

Are you interested in cults? no

Would you like to raise a family in your country? If I ever had a family I guess

List some things you wanted in your childhood but never got? the only thing I can think of rn is the spiderman web shooters with the silly string. my parents got us ones that shot like badmitton birdies instead (which to be fair i dont blame them for not wanting sillystring all over their house)

Is there a large age gap between you and a sibling? its me, a brother a year younger,  a sister 8 years younger and my brother 12 years younger

Are you from a blended family? no

Do you believe in marriage? Why/Why not? absolutely, why wouldnt you want to spend the rest of your life with your best friend

What is the nicest thing anyone has said to you? i dont know man

Do you keep a journal? I started to last year but na

Would anyone be hurt by reading it? i dont think so

Do you have children? no

Have you been pregnant? no

List your favorite movies? Lucky Number Slevin, the worlds end, the matrix

List your favorite people? Rachel, David, and Marcus are my best friends

Talk about the birthmarks and scars on your body? no birthmarks, and the only noticeable scars are on my back. There is a little/faded scar on my nose from when i was mauled my a dog

Do you look after yourself? poorly

Do you put yourself or others first? Others, or at least I try to

Are you happy today? not really

Are you loved? There are people who care about me yes

Who asks all 100 questions lol