#and yet he did gd bless

[altschmerzes]

so, ferngully the last rainforest, right. insane movie about how deforestation is bad and we gotta protect the environment and all living things matter and should be valued. great message. insane film. also a movie i autism-imprinted on as a child with no access to a tv aside from a portable dvd player and a dvd case. anyways so i haven't seen this movie in a really long time and i just watched it again and i have some observations.

nobody in this movie has nipples. it is incredibly distracting. they got all these little fairies in the woods and none of the boy fairies have shirts and they also don't have nipples. they got the pecs like a dolphin's belly. i found this SO DISTRACTING.

yes he was voicing the personification of pollution and deforestation but also tim curry. listen. i have never been inclined to use this phrase before i don't like it very much i just think it sounds bad but i do have to say there is no other way to put it but tim curry put his whole pussy into voicing hexxus and the result is that the personification of pollution and deforestation in this film can absolutely get it because he DID put that tim curry steez into the role.

hey remember that time that robin williams voiced a cartoon bat who did a whole song and dance number about the evils of animal testing. and it kind of ruled?

there's a biker gang who rides flying beetles. they're not fairies bc they don't have wings. what are they? don't worry about it.

there's a song where the personification of pollution and deforestation sings about how much he loves clearcutting machinery while he puffing on diesel smoke and gasoline and oil and it is literally two minutes of pure sex appeal. i can't explain it. tim curry did not have to go that hard but he did and the result is like. listen. i can't explain it.

this makes the fact that nobody in this film has nipples even weirder. like no we can't have nips on these little shirtless fairy men because that's too horny for our young audience. meanwhile tim curry just poured raw sex appeal into the villain song. the ship has sailed.

remember the time that bigol lizard chases this little man who's been shrunk to fairy size around and sings a song about how he's gonna eat him.

why is his name 'zak.' why did they spell it that way.

robin williams also did the absolute most in his role in this film. like. batty's lines are so... some of them had me in hysterics.

i am obsessed with the ending shot where my man zak here has just had a life-altering experience with the forest fairies and understands that all living things have value including the trees and has vowed to remember this lesson. he walks off with his logging company buddies and is like come on guys. things have gotta change. this is a great ending for this kids' film and i do gotta admire this dumbass's dedication to single-handedly dismantling the logging industry, i, uh, i do also think there are gonna be some, uh, hurdles along the way.

[sentheiments]

“When I see the rainbow in the clouds, I will remember the eternal covenant between God and every living creature on earth.””

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭9‬:‭16‬ ‭NLT‬‬

8-18-2023 ‼️A rant ✨‼️

During the day I have recieve another message that made my heart heavy with anxiety. It was work related and apparently it reminded me I have fallen short on the job I supposed to do way back months ago. To cut the long story short, I was very confident that I did my task right, I have checked it multiple times before I pass. I understand if there are minor errors that may come along the way since I am still groping to do all those things without someone guiding me properly, I resolve to do all of it alone with the help of google of course, since everyone is busy with their own task as well. Since the past month, I have been bombarded with messages like I need to comply this and that and so on when at some point it was not supposedly my job to do since I already quit. I was patient enough afterall it was my job to do all those things even though people are not really coordinating properly which means the task is hardly out of my control.

Today, I recieve another correction again, I dont know if its pride but I work my ass off to finish and comply on time even check minor details just so I am sure it was done close to accurate.

My heart screams "what the heck!" My initial reaction was ofcourse to ask why what happened?!

They responded that I was not able to encode the date properly, there are errors in spelling, there things that are not clear, and the list goes on. When that awesome and kind former co-worker of mine said that she took all the blame because of those error my conscience immediately kicked in. I AM SO FED UP! How am I supposed to response properly on those things when I dont know what went wrong!

Conscience and frustration and anxiety come rushing questioning myself

"Why did I not get it right? Bobo gd ba ako?!"

I was sitting outside my house citing a silent prayer about surrendering my anxiety. My heart is down I cant even get this frustration out of my head. But when I look at the sky, I saw this majestic bow. God spoke to my heart.

'Remember the story of Noah and the flood. Remember my promise that when I sent a bow no matter how sinful humans are, I will never destroy them ever again."

God reminded me of His presence through this rainbow. Strange as it is, it made my heart feel at peace. I feel like God spoke directly to me that He saw my frailty as a human kind prone to mistakes and failures yet this bow gave me the assurance of new beginnings with God's promise of a blessing.

Does this mean I stopped worrying about what happened, the asnwer is NO, Not yet. But I take comfort that the God I serve sees my heart and he knows best for each human kind. 🌈

[space-city-traffic]

yet again im back on my bullshit so... (gazes with mixed feelings at the TV show Firefly) i could fix him.

my extremely long thoughts about my Own Personal Good Version of Firefly (with plenty of spoilers for the show and the movie) under the cut:

things that are getting axed first thing no question:

out with the whole “let’s add in a thin veneer of Chinese cultural aesthetics out of context for ~flavor~” deal. just no.

instead, let’s hire some actors from a bunch of different cultures and work with them to figure out how their characters would bring those cultures into space with them!! and also hopefully bring some experiences with immigration/alienation/travel into it, since the Whole Core of Firefly is about how humanity always brings our doomed and silly and stubborn and unique warmth with us even into the cold void where nothing is familiar or homey in the slightest.

let’s respect our sex worker character shall we?

i do appreciate that Inara’s work as a companion is described as legitimate and well respected in the show. however please stop having your captain and hero call her a wh*re every five seconds against her clearly expressed wishes and portraying this as just a totally acceptable thing

let’s be more respectful of our characters of color and also have some more diversity, shall we?

others have put it better than me but yeah, the way Zoe and Book are treated is very uncomfy, and the rest of the show is depressingly monochromatic. come on let’s do better.

stop the weird confederacy hat tips

again others have pointed these out with much more thoroughness than I could, but the names of some characters and locations, as well as some of the language used to describe the browncoats, has uncomfortably confederate vibes. instead i propose we very Clearly tip our hats to the Alliance equaling space capitalism instead! you can’t go wrong with space capitalism as a villain.

don’t! make! the! psychotic! character! violent!

listen i love River Tam with my whole heart. but you should absolutely not portray your only character with psychosis as violent because of that psychosis!!!!!!! and yeah, a huge part of her character is that her brain got fucked up by the alliance and so she hallucinates and is also a super ninja. but like. she doesn’t need to be a super ninja for her character to work, okay? the crew does not need to be scared of her for her character to work, okay??? more on this later bc it would take a lot of care and nuance to make her character work but i really think it can be done

things we are absolutely keeping:

found family tropes my fucking beloved

this should be self evident. this is why the show is as appealing as it is despite its flaws, at least in my eyes.

malcolm reynolds, the knight in dusty armor

there’s something so appealing to me about what Mal stands for. because at his core is this ridiculous, silly, stubborn, doomed devotion to what he thinks is important and right, a romantic idealism thinly covered by cynical cowboy platitudes that he thinks make his bleeding heart totally invisible. and he is so obvious and entirely incorrect. bless. this is a man who will do anything for his family, who charges into swordfights to defend his friend from a man who wants to turn her into an object despite having no clue how to hold a sword. at his worst, he starts brawls in bars just for the martyr’s thrill of being persecuted for supporting the right; at his best, he inspires downright religious belief from his crew because he represents a romantic and chivalrous and doomed dedication to the right thing over any practical concerns. and then he throws a “selfish” quip over it with 100% confidence that everyone fell for his clever distraction and believes him to be a dirtbag. he’s oblivious and ridiculous and god he makes me want to be a better person because he’s just so goddamned sincere. stupid, but sincere. 10/10 himbo. <3

Mal and Inara ultraslowburn friends to enemies to friends to lovers to enemies to friends to lovers to friends to...

there’s nothing i love more than a ship that’s just two people who know each other way too well, and they’re each the only one who knows the other well enough to call them out on their bullshit. the way Mal and Inara interact in the show sometimes makes me uncomfy but like. the core of their relationship has to stay.

space western aesthetic

i need the cows on a spaceship scene to stay like i need air okay

that sweet sweet religious shit

mal, who lost his faith in gd and a whole lot else during the war. who lost his faith in himself, and now feels he has to hide the part of him that still wants to be good, because he knows he can’t be anymore, and he feels like it’s embarrassing for a guy like him to want something so unattainable. who takes a preacher on board, and the preacher has lost something, too. the preacher has his own past, and his own questions. but not questions like the observant neurodivergent girl, the one who wants to interact with and understand this thing that’s so important to him, but it just doesn’t click with how her brain works and she feels like something needs to be fixed, either the Bible or herself. and Mal takes care of them all, and slowly, he begins to find gd again, not in a prayer but in humanity. humanity doesn’t need to be fixed, like the alliance thinks. the shining imperfect strawberry sweetness of it in his family’s smiles is something to be worshiped and served and devoted to. and he finds he has something to believe in again. (and his crew find that he’s given them someone to believe in, too. and maybe suddenly he’s a saint.)

and finally, my brilliant ideas as to what i would like to add:

TRANS WOMAN KAYLEE RIGHTS

listen her femininity is so important to me okay? it’s so thrilled about everything that’s pretty, from dresses to the spaceship’s electric innards, and it’s so non-traditional and grease stained until it’s not and it’s pink and ruffly and twirly, and she never sees any of it as a contradiction, because none of it contradicts, it’s all just her! her gender is warmth and love and prettiness, feeling pretty and appreciating the pretty and making her friends’ days pretty too.

i want us to find out she’s trans in that episode with the ball, and i want us to find out alongside Mal who just never asked or never realized. Kaylee gasps and squeals at the dress in the shop window and Mal makes an off handed, ill considered comment, and then... someone yanks him aside and hisses a few very significant words in his ear. and suddenly he remembers what the blue white and pink she painted all over the engine room means, and he knows he has something to make right. so he buys her that dress himself and lets her know just how pretty she looks, and when he walks into that ball with her displayed on his arm like something precious, he looks the proudest out of any man there. and she notices. for a few seconds, of course, until there’s chocolate, and ‘nara, and a chandelier—and some horrible girls, but she’s used to that, until—suddenly, she finds her people. a group of old men who light up when she jokes about compression coils and whack presumptuous boys who ask her to dance. they adopt her as a treasured granddaughter, and Mal is beaming at her like a proud dad, and she finds that one of her new elderly friends gazes a little too long at her bracelet, and so she gives it to xem and teaches xem a few new words, and... it’s a good day, huh? it’s a really good day. (of course, then the captain has to go and punch somebody in the face, but it was a real nice party up until then.)

also she and Simon are both transhet t4t im correct and you know it

time for a better River Tam

the first thing we’ve established is that this version of her is not unpredictably violent and the crew is not scared of her!!!! it makes no sense to take a kid who’s primarily brilliant, experiment on her brain, give her telepathic powers....... and tack on the fact that she also has super strength and speed and dexterity and what not, AND say that they programmed her to be super violent. no! no. not only is that extremely harmful rep, that’s also just stupid.

instead!! my version of River is in fact not terrifying to the crew, but is actually the one they feel safest around. River has always been totally blunt, she was one of those kids you could tell realllllly early was autistic, and she doesn’t like being disengenous at all. so you can always trust her to tell the truth and not play weird passive aggressive games or have any hidden agenda, which makes her just a really chill person to be around. also, one of her longtime special interests is music and dance, so whether or not she’s nonverbal on a given day, there will always be some sort of beautiful sound when she’s around. she does have the singing voice of a dying crow unfortunately but that’s ok bc Simon’s is even worse and they’re both incredibly competitive so you’ll at least get free entertainment out of the affair.

my version of River does have psychosis and hallucinations because of the trauma of the experiments, and they are really troubling to her. she and Simon work together to find ways to cope and meds that help, and it’s a process, but there are some things that help.

the only thing she gained from the academy was the ability to hear people’s thoughts and sense the future a little bit. and yeah, that led to her picking up a few spooky secrets at the beginning, which, yikes. and for a while, it was hard to figure out which voices were real and which were hallucinations. but around her friends, she always feels safe to ask “did you just think about triple cheese burritos or was that just a me thing?”, and they’ll always tell her the truth no matter how embarrassing their thoughts are, bc it’s important to all of them to respect her and help her sort accurately through what’s reality and what’s not. and bit by bit, she gets better and better at figuring out what kinds of things tend to be telepathy and what kinds of things tend to be psychosis, and that each one feels a little different. and because of the trust and respect and support of her found family she’s able to do that in a safe environment!!!

trans man Simon rights

listen i wanted to keep him as just a side note on Kaylee’s list but he is my son and he’s important to my heart so here goes

out on the outer rim where Kaylee’s from, gender ain’t much of a big deal, there’s an individualistic quality to life out there, and so if the trail you blaze is the trail of a woman or a man or neither or both, that’s respected even in the rare cases where it’s not outright encouraged. but in the inner planets, where competition and connections and public faces and family names are everything, you have to be what’s expected of you to survive. you can’t change your brand, you can’t be anything other than what your family planned for you since before you were born, it’s incredibly hard to survive in such a hyper competitive environment, and so your very identity becomes just a tool in how to market yourself for better success.

needless to say Simon (just as autistic as his little sister and also very trans) fuckin hated it there. but he was very good at it. correction: he was very good at his very specific field of STEM, good enough to where people stopped talking about how cute he looked in bows and started talking about how impressive his work was from a very young age. and his work had no gender. he could be whatever he wanted to in equations. so that was where he could express himself, and gd, he got so much praise for it, he never wanted to stop.

not until he discovered that his sister needed him, and ran away, and needed a disguise, and realized... suddenly, every stifling rule and prying eye was a million miles away. he was freefloating, freefalling, with none of the charted paths he’d been following all his life... so you know what? fuck it. he’s always enjoyed the name Simon. and since it’s not on any legal records, it’ll make him just that much more untraceable.

and on Serenity, starting over with new people who never knew him before his transition feels like an unbelievable blessing that just dropped right into his lap. he has to keep up the secrecy, he has to make sure they never find out who he used to be, because gd, it’s so nice when they look at him and say his name right, and he doesn’t know if he can handle losing that, not when it’s so new and so important to the person he’s finally becoming. but then one day, the unthinkable happens, the wanted posters for his arrest have an old name on them, they’re looking for the Tam sisters, and... nothing changes. the crew of Serenity could not give even a tenth of a percent of a fuck, and it doesn’t seem like they even know they’re supposed to. huh. that’s new. Simon could get used to that, he thinks.

i’m sure there’s more i could add, but it’s 4:30 in the morning now, so if more occurs to me, ill simply add it in a reblog tomorrow. if you’ve read down this far, i am in love with you. please let me know your Better Firefly ideas, too, bc im always down to yell about this show!!!

[nochiquinn]

campaign 3 episode 1: 🎶 make new friends but keep the old 🎶

[vibrates]

oh this music is INTENSE, I dig it

gilmore!! gilmore and husband!!

godwives!!

aw, the hanglider from the tal'dorei campaign guide

eeeeee

aw sam broke the streak

that sam/travis/marisha table makes me feel fear

the new layout means I can't put my notepad on the side of the yt screen like usual, how dare you make me redo my whole window layout

oh right he's tall

liam and laura are back together and that makes me happy

taliesin's bi flag skull shirt

campaign 3 reminder to not be part of the twitch chat

you know why california is separate

"put your package in here" travis

[v i b r a t e s]

matt: everyone but laura and marisha leave laura and marisha: [gay fear]

SOUTHERN ACCENT

lmao mala and I both said the same thing at the same time

marisha IS her own goth gf

I love them both

oh the full art is EXTREMELY final fantsy, I'm into it

I love laudna's ratbird, I hope it comes to life and is a familiar

ahhh, academia

getting southern milo thatch vibes and I'm into it

laudna

telepathy??? imogen telepathist????

kunthea is my head is just kikimora from the owl house

imogen not good at telepathy yet

cool I hate her

I love this gothic 30s movie star murder queen

matt: beech nut necklace me: is violently yanked into recettear

"I AM fun scary!" "laudna, you're scary scary"

HE DID IT

"people are thrown here to be forgotten"

HE/THEY

GENASI

the ART

BARBARIAN

wake up babe new gender dropped

chronic injury genasi barbarian!!

OH NO

OH NO IT'S CUTE

if any of you give him shit for a nonbinary non-human I'll eat your shoes

THEY'RE THE CLERIC

"they're very friendly" "I hate it"

oh no I identify with fcg

"it rhymes so I'm in!"

this is the coolest shit I've ever heard in my life

logging in to pick up your dailies

I just want to point out this is STILL extremely final fantasy, don't fuck it up travis and ashley

I love them

"I really wanna eat that...but ashton really likes money"

"copper's not really money"

I love them so gd much

and WHOMST

"travis changed his name to robbie!"

WAIT

HE IS

MY BOY

SKYSHIP

FEARNE

is liam still playing orym? I can't see his dice to check

is this why they didn't level up in exu, for campaign 3 reasons

he IS!!

DORIAN BACKSTORY

"I think they crash"

"that is indeed how walking works"

tummy flutters

f e a r n e

suddenly I realize why I would die for parker in leverage

dad council convenes

"you're really tall" "you're really small" that's just math

HEY WHAT

COLORS

the mood lighting is both very cool and much easier on my eyes

mala: evil be our guest

their archenemy for this campaign really is a table

this feel like the best initiative they've ever had??

also travis where r u

love matt's nails btw

I LOVE THEM

HE BROKE THE MINI

"that's a sign, you're gonna die today"

"the rug is more dextrous than I am??"

turn into a WHAT

beldam??

"what do all my things do?!" you had eight episodes sir

"I'm a sword expert not a table expert" dammit jim

aw, travis wasn't here to react to the rage

gravity? gravity barbarian???

"FUUUCK YOOOU"

someone did the knife meme, I heard them

TRAVIS

oh no it's armstrong

mala: what if he's a wizard setting this up so he can "save" people

"strong boy :D"

given that these are apparently dorian's stomping grounds, what's gonna happen that he leaves the party

"never gets old" "we'll see!"

SPIRITUAL TOMATO

HDYWTDT

"critical role endorses knife fucking!"

"shiny day to you!" "you too!" these two are going to be amazing together

"don't fuckin laugh" then don't do that

"the first three rows have ponchos"

"bless you small creature!!"

YE

laudna's a pinterest upcycle witch

bertrand!

sam

S A M

I'm gonna laugh every time he pulls that thing out. idc how many episodes this is, every time

"it looks like something out of borderlands" I thought the same thing when fgc's art popped up so valid

I love this cripplepunk nonbinary bastard

HA I knew pickpocketing was going to be involved with these two meeting

oh do I get to watch the lovm intro every ep bc I'm down for that

I want the vex dress but there's not a chance in hell it fits over my shoulders AND hips

"definitely not....here"

does taliesin have a new snitch bc jesus

travis just giggling himself to death in the corner

WHOMST

samuel

in this moment I am matthew mercer

"did you say 'send help'?" yes

the whole table just quietly losing it while the scene goes on

oh no, with liam playing his exu character SAM is the sadboy

laudna

dancer??

laudna and fgc bond over being pinterest upcyclers

getting into What Measure Is A Non-Human right away huh

from where now

okay I know from exu that orym knows what a whitestone is

"I fell asleep" finally travis has an in-universe reason to zone out

fgc as ashton's assistance bot

I know it's a wookie life debt whatever thing but imagine

robbie got so excited he lost his hat

imogen feels so comfy to me

no talk me me anger

travis is me around 10 am every day

just realized there are stars out the fake window

"we've done pretty well with stupid so far" pour one out for dariax

will KEYLETH have a problem with a detour? do we know the same keyleth??

"anyway here's wonderwall"

kk slider when you put the song title in wrong

I love fearne

travis being excited about the axeflute

matt be nice he's a baby

hot cross buns

I need to know how to play this game

awww

"does your robot poop"

a bit of bullshittery

"maybe you should have your parents write you a letter" my new Extremely Unlikely Crack Theory is that laudna is a de rolo child

ashton doesn't know what straight is

fearne and ashton are going to leave with half the building

was that a young frankenstein joke

firelight!!

the monitor I'm watching on is very warm-toned and this is SUPER red now lmao

eshteross: shit-talks bertrand taliesin: 8D

youtube I am here because you don't freeze like twitch, stop hanging

"this campaign is about silver foxes only" "I'm here for it"

"furniture and old people, the fantasy everyone wants"

[loviatars]

Purple Moons

pairing: abdirak x female main character (reader) warnings: torture that the mc has inflicted, blood, religious undertones rating: mature for above-mentioned reasons word count: 784 notes: another baby fic for my absolute favourite character in this gd game, the bdsm priest from the goblin camp slkdjf

His skin is wet with sweat or blood, and he will have new scars soon. Abdirak looks so pleased, his eyes fondly tracing the marks left that he can see. And when he lifts a hand to prod at them, the moan he gives is deliciously overzealous.

Until you swoop in, taking his wrist and gently guiding it away.

“None of that until you’re clean,” you say. Your voice echoes off stone, unafraid to be short with him. He makes a point of languidly stretching out on the cot, flipping over onto his stomach so you can get at his back.

The worst of the wounds bloom there. Long, red lines from a whip bite his skin. Both old and fresh, they lie side by side. He does not flinch away from your hand when you touch him, making another sound that’s not unlike a growl.

“No more pain. Not yet,” you add. And he folds his arms above him, resting his cheek against his forearms. “Did you like it, have I ever done better?”

“Not that I can recall,” he says, his voice is deep and hoarse from his revelry. Abdirak’s screams of agony were as practiced as music. “You did well, I liked it immensely.”

“And I think it pleased the Maiden,” you continue. He snorts, turning his head to look at you. “Don’t get all sanctimonious with me, now. I earned her blessing, same as you.”

“That is true,” he concedes. “What fresh misery do you intend to visit upon me, priestess?”

“The horrors of cleaning those bloody whip wounds, love,” you say. And even as you try not to smile, you give in. 

You sit next to him on the cot, balancing a basin on your knees. You pull the sopping-wet cloth from the warm water, writing it out just enough before pressing it gently to his scarred back.

Abdirak wails and you resist the urge to smile wider. He has his methods of devotion and you have yours, though you are far from a priestess. Likely he will again protest bandages, but you aim to distract him from that.

“Is it too hot?” you ask. He swallows.

“It is exquisite,” he says. “Nearly more than I can bear.”

“Bear it,” you tut, pressing down more firmly on the long marks. He growls again in response, though the aggression peters out to a thankful whine near the end. “Offer it up, as you say.”

“You are learning faster than I expected,” he says, his voice strained.

“I would tell you to quiet yourself, but you like your throat sore,” you’re more transparent with your teasing. Slowly, his dried blood comes away in flakes. The water in the bowl turns pink. “Isn’t that right?”

Another, lower whine is all you receive. You hum, a sense of accomplishment settling on your shoulders.

“All right,” you say, “no more playing. I’ll change the water and get the salve, it’ll burn your back up just how you like.”

“Is that a promise?” he grins, sounding pleased with himself. You sigh.

As impossible as he is, experience has made him patient. You admire the view of Abdirak, bare and scarred in the torchlight as you search for the bottle. Before returning, you pick up a roll of bandages.

“If you die of an infection,” you start, “who will bring offerings to our Whip? Hm?”

“You make a compelling argument,” he sighs.

You reach over, brushing your fingers through his hair. It’s tangled and dirty, you’ll both need a bath before the day is out. 

The absence of pain is not necessarily against his beliefs, it seems, as Abdirak lifts his head from his forearms and cants towards the source of comfort. A moment passes with neither screams nor anguish.

“Good,” you say when you pull away. It isn’t specified that you speak of him, but gooseflesh rises on his skin all the same. 

Dipping your finger in the bottle and bringing it to his back, you carefully paint the salve over angry marks. He won’t enjoy your attempts to control the scarring, either, but you’ll try the very same.

“It pleases me not to have to quarrel with you,” you say, a triumphant smile tugging on your mouth. His cold, deep laugh rumbles off the walls.

“Don’t become used to any of it,” he replies. “I fully intend to quarrel with you at every opportunity following.”

“I’m shaking,” you deadpan. He laughs a second time.

It’s clear that he’s still in pain. Abdirak white-knuckles his wrist, pressing his cheek firmly against the cot. But he doesn’t move an inch as you’re trying to work, and it seems the shouting has died down for the night.

[maladaptivedaydreamsx]

i wanna impulse pull so bad but at the same time i don't wanna regret it the way i did when i recently spent all my gd s-chips prior to this event... i couldve had like 20 pulls minimum from those alone... anyway i finally went thru and read all the guys' personal stories and managed to rack up enough for the s-chip limited tears promotional thingy (1400 for a 10 pull? not bad, not bad at all). but anyway uuuhhh... the only character i don't have an ssr for yet is marius... i have 2 artem ones already so i feel less tempted to go for his, and i think i wanna try my luck when its either luke/marius rate up in a few days' time, or uuhh if there's an artem/marius one. 🙏🏻

while it's no secret vyn is my least favorite (doesn't mean i hate him, but he is in 4th place so) anyway my thing is that i just personally didn't find his card as pretty as the others'. but mainly.. its just bc lately he comes home every damn pull and i wanna give myself a better shot at finally getting a mf marius card. i legit only have 2 marius cards from the gacha the thebes one and the guitar one... and only have a 3rd bc the last event gave it out for participation 💀 i hardly get luke or marius and it blows bc they're my favorites.. but alas, tis life.. tis rng 💔

tldr; the sheer amount of willpower its going to take me to be patient enough to wait a few days for the luke/marius rate up... i think my minds gonna implode... anyway, may rngesus bless everyone's pulls!

[teeforhee]

Fuck, I'm not sure I'll ever get over how much CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health service, it's the under-18s mental health service in Scotland) let me down as a kid.

It's like this. You're 11 and you're traumatised but you're scared of using that word, you don't know if you're allowed it, but you are traumatised. And you're so anxious you can't breathe most of the time, you can't sit down and speak to any of your friends, you can do your school work but you keep falling apart and everything feels like it's getting worse all the time. You don't fit in, you're weird and awkward but your schoolwork is good so you aren't worrying about your grades, you're not even sure why you feel this way (it's unprocessed trauma, but again, you don't feel like you're allowed that word). You're s/hing and struggling with suicidal ideation, and you're lucky enough to still trust authority figures, so you do what everyone says you should. You trust an adult. And she calls your GP, who is another adult you choose to trust, who you bare your heart to with all of these symptoms that make your feel sick to even acknowledge, and then they make you an appointment with CAMHS. You came in asking for treatment. They referred you to CAMHS. They did not explain what CAMHS was other than what the letters stood for. That's okay - it's treatment, right? They're gonna help. You can talk this through and they'll help- just gotta be careful you don't get institutionalised. You don't want that, yet.

You talk to a CAMHS worker. She's a psychologist. She says it's very likely you have autism to your mother after your first session. Your mother broaches the topic gently. You are overjoyed: there's an answer! oh fuck, this explains so much! but it's not treatment. It's a word. The psychologist puts you on a waiting list and you have 22 sessions of CBT with her, trying to unpack your trauma and trying to build up coping skills. So many of them feel like just denying the truth, so many of them feed into your magical thinking ("the one thing you can control is your thoughts, you must always control your thoughts, good things will happen when you control your thoughts and stop thinking the bad thoughts"), but it's treatment, mostly. You stop seeing her twice- once because you are trying to develop an eating disorder and having a mental health professional who wants to hear how you're doing is totally cramping your style (I wasn't actually trying to develop an ED really, I was trying to cope in ways other than s/h, in ways that felt honest to the situation and real and gave me a sense of control that "controling my thoughts" just wasn't doing). You come back for recovery. You tell her you want an eating plan. By the time she even considers an appointment with a nutritionist, you've moved past that stage in your recovery on your own. You stop seeing her again because you get into an abusive relationship who doesn't really like you having contact with people who aren't him, and he super super doesn't like you not being able to talk to him for a whole hour every week. That part isn't their fault: no one could be gotten me out of that until I decided to; believe me, everyone around me tried, and it didn't work until I wanted I to, the third time.

But I left, again, I was without support for 6 months, and when I came back it was after my father (the earliest source of my trauma) had died. They take 4 sessions compiling evidence as to what treatment i needed going forward, without telling me that was what they were doing (I was trying to build trust with an adult again after 6 months of constant reinforcing that I couldn't trust anyone but my abuser), and then an appointment with a psychiatrist and your mother and a new psychologist. They dismiss and justify the symptoms that most worry me, they have at this point turned down my request to be institutionalised multiple times (including after an aborted suicide attempt, I presume they thought that was fine because made it clear that I did want to live), and they say at the end of the meeting that they are going to give me an official diagnosis of autism and that after that CAMHS has nothing more to offer me.

They say that if after 22 sessions with a psychologist I am still struggling so much (bear in mind that probably close to half of those sessions I was concealing factors that were actively making my mental health worse and which were traumatising me) I clearly can't gain anything more from their service, and anyway, autism isn't a mental illness and CAMHS as a service can only help while waiting for/trying to get a diagnosis, or if you have a diagnosis or a disorder for which they could provide specialist treatment. My very obvious PTSD? nah, no big-T Traumas, and c-ptsd is way too hard to diagnose. I receive a hilarious letter detailing all of the evidence (I mean genuinely insightful but also fucking hilarious and I do want to note down funniest bits and post them hear at some point, stuff like "unusual speech was noted, (exclamations of 'wacky!' while describing his symptoms)") and then they refer me to a charity which, at time of writing, I have had 1 assessment phone call with, and am waiting for a call back for my next and first proper appointment.

They did not inform me when I was first referred that CAMHS is a diagnostic and specialist treatment service and if they did (this was well over two years ago now, I don't remember word-for-word what my GP told me), they did not tell me that meant that they would kick me out to a charity once they figured they couldn't label me with anything requiring specialist treatment. During our last sessions they were unyeildingly focussed on the trauma of my father dying and of the "shock" of my diagnosis (that I had been waiting for for 2 years. yes, very shocking/s) when those were not my biggest problems. My relationship with my father is complex and I won't get into it here, but suffice it to say that his death was the last step on a very, very long journey, and honestly one of the least traumatising.

I let them keep the focus there because I desperately hate talking about the actual, recent, debilitating trauma of being in lockdown with an abusive partner for 6 months. That shit hurts, I can't even say his name, but that is the thing that I need to unpack if I'm ever going to be able to go outside in the sun again.

Repeatedly ignoring the requests I made for specific treatment until past the point where I needed it anymore, not informing me how the service I was going to be working with for 2 years even worked in something so basic as "what is this for? what will happen to me if I get a diagnosis they can't give me specialised care for?", telling an 11 year old child that suicidal ideation is "not that serious", a fundamental misunderstanding of what I needed and wanted to hear ('normal' is not a helpful word. 'normal' tells me 'suck it up, everyone experiences this and they're all fine, you're normal, just think better' why are they all so adamant that I am normal? Not even considering my mental health I am an autistic bisexual gnc trans guy, we went past whatever 'normal' means a long time ago, fucking listen to me), at every single step of the way this system has left me in the same state I was before, the only improvement being through support from my friends, fucking Childline (gd fucking bless Childline volunteers, but still, I shouldn't have been getting so little support that that felt like my only option), mental health masterposts on Tumblr, chats with my (luckily) very nice guidance counselor (they're called pastoral teachers here but I know most folks reading this are American or are most familiar with the American school system) and what amounts to gritting my teeth and getting through it.

It was worth it, of course my life was worth it, of course I say the same thing every person who's attempted suicide says, I'm more grateful than words could possibly express that I survived, that I get to go home in a few minutes and feed my kitten and write and message my friends, but for fucks sake it didn't need to be this hard. And it doesn't need to be this hard. I'm not out of the woods yet, I'm still waiting on that second appointment with this charity, I'm still 3+ months behind at school, and I'm one of the lucky ones. My boyfriend has been hurt worse by CAMHS, left even more isolated than I was, even more traumatised by the way he was treated, and every single person I know who's been in this system agrees that it's deeply, deeply flawed.

I don't want people to have competitions over who's medical experiences are worse, who's country has the worst mental health system, who's been the most traumatised by their psychiatrists or lack thereof, please. Please don't make this the suffering Olympics. I'm just making this post cause I know, I know that other people have had similar experiences, whether with CAMHS or whatever their equivalent is. Mental health services need serious reform that puts patients first, listens to their needs and requests, that is well funded and well staffed by people who care about their patients wellbeing more than they care about controling other people's lives.

Austerity in the UK is a huge reason why this happened the way it did- my first psychologist left the service to go work somewhere that pays better, leaving just one newly-graduated psychologist that clearly had no idea what she was doing and didn't care to sympathise or show compassion for me.

This shit needs to change, because kids need help, and this is not good enough.

[corancoranthemagicalman]

Hannibal - Ep1 - Reaction

Okay, so this is starting because of @quartermastercandlestickmaker​ and @todorokisrose​ [yes, y’all both gettin’ tagged in the annoouncement and this one. I need to be clear on who is causing my suffering.]

I’m here in this hole now. This dark pit.

This is not a live-blogging of my watch, but I am writing this live. So, writing live posting later. If that makes sense. I’ll have one post per episode and after I’ll compile them all into a master list.

Spoilers ahead.

What a grand opening my dudes. Thrilling music. He’s got that “he fucked up” face going on. WAIT NO HE’S SHERLOCKING THE SHIT. OH COOL. NO WONDER I SAW SOOME FANART OF THEM BEING BFFS. Oh, I like this. Weird effects flex but I dig it.Ooooooooooo I was not expecting that voice. IS THIS WHERE THE “THIS IS MY DESIGN” SHIT CAME FROM WHAT THE FUCK Have I known this more than I thought.

Also low-key bitch *looks* like a psychopath no wonder what is gonna happen happens. Oh rip Mrs. Marlow ;;~;; that was a hard change bro.

I don’t wanna think about ---

BITCH THIS *IS* WHERE THE THIS IS MY DESIGN SHIT CAME FROM OH M Y G O D

Also Laurence Fishbourne god bless I love him.

It’s difficult for me to be social too, fam. LAURANCE WHY DID YOU FIX HIS GLASSES THAT WAS SO WE IR D???? Also bro same I love you, Will Graham, you funky little sociopath.

“Every girl is a candy bar” mhm okay thanks for that. Will and this sociable thing is really fucking me bro minus the serial killer obsession/profession/vibe.

Laurence Fishbourne is an amazing actor but I’m also digging the dude playing Will (srry names are my weakness so his name is Will.)

Oooooo booi. I recognize Katz from fanart she’s a popular one right. But we’re going upstairs.

I’m so worried about opening the door

Oh

Oh

Oh no

He knew

This bitch been knew

Holy shit

I like the whole thing with eye contact. I’ve seen the gif where it’s mentioned but I like how it’s subtle and not overly emphasized so far. Oh we’re flashing back again. Poor Elise. It’s a super interesting story technique using him as the killer. Also damn bitch “you unstable” you’re such a nosy bitch how were you interrupted when you were asked not to enter

Now everyone is here

Antlers promote healing mhm okay

I wanna hug him but I also don’t want to make him uncomfortable with contact. IS HE STOPPING FOR A DOG OH ,Y HO GOD. I’D DIE FOR THIS MAN. I’D DIE FOR THIS MAN. HE STOPPED FOR A DOG. HEWENT BACK FOR THE DOG OMGH THIS MAN THIS MAN IS,,,,, he adopted a fucking stray dog. This man is lovely. I love this man. This -- HE DOES IT TO MULTIPLE DOOGS OH MY GOD I WANNA MARRY HIM ANDHAVE WINSTON AND EVERYBODY AND OMOG HE’S SUCH A LOVELY STRANGE CREATURE.

Where are we now. In a dream state? OH SHIT WE ARE THAT’S A BODY AND A HEARTBEAT IN MY EAR WHAT THE FUCK ahhhh fun nightmares I love it. Oh shit the towels. Bro. There are quite a few visuals happening.

“USE THE LADIES ROOM” dafsjhg

Stop yelling at him ;;~;;

Woah  this is a lot to unpack in this scene you can see Will like slipping omg. It’ss almost unsettling him not having eye contact but like I know the reason for it and therefore it’s just impressive acting and not like unsettling of the actor to do that if that makes sense? I really am impressed by that level of commitment to not have a “look at the camera” to keep showing how he won’t look at other people.

Ooo this is one of the lady psych talkers which is like on the Graham side while the blonde one is for Hannibal, right even tho Hannibal is a brain doc. ALANA that’s her name and that might be how you spell it. She doesn’t want him out there but Laurence needs  her to be his back  up. (Oh, his name is Jack.) JACK DONT MAKE PROMISES WILL CAN AND WILL GET CLOSE.

WHAT THE FUCK  IS THIS SHOW WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE SHADWS AND THE ANTLERS PIERCING HER OH MY GOD WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS SHOW I THOUGHT THE VISUALS I HAD SEEN IN FAN ART WAS JUST LIKE FANON  IMPOSED OMOG “SOMETHING WRONG WITH  THE MEAT” O G M OOG HE’S EATING THEM FUCK

Is this

Is this my bitch

MY BITCH MADS OH MY GOD.

I love him. He’s so unconventionally handsome. He looks like he’d kill and eat me but I’d thank him for it, yanno? Oops.

No nonsense MM handing this crying man some tissues I love it. “I hate being this neurotic” omg the mood also Hannibal’s glance to the tissue is fucking amazing??? V Subtle Acting /cries in beauty

Franklyn, the lion isn’t in the room boy (just discovered I might wanna put subtitles on but they’re not working so rip)

Frankie boy got so scared by that comment thanks, Dr. Lector.

Mhm no secretary that’s,,, suspicious,,,, “sad to see her go” mhm okay sure Jan

Oh this bitch does draw oh my god john hopkins internship and all. Laurence is impressed and Mads is “mhm are you gonna try something” sdajkfgh A LAYMAN DAMN aww he’s like “oomg you’re so amazing dr. mr. sir”

OH THEY’RE IN THE SAME ROOM HERE WE GO BBY

FUCKKK IT BEGINS

SORRY HE’S GIVING THE WHOLE DOWNLOW

“Associations come quickly-” “so do forts”

QEFJWahgrsdfdkq WHAT THE FUCK

THIS IS LITERAL THE FIRST DAMN CONVERSATION HE HAS WITH HIM. I KNEW THE CONVERSATION ABOUT EYE CONTACT WAS ONE OF THEIR FIRST, BUT THIS IS THE LITERAL FIRST WITH THE ADDED BONUS OF HE ACTUALLY MAKES E Y E C O N T A C T OOMGGG??!?!?!?!

Oh ;;~;; “YOU WONT LIKE ME WHEN I’M PSYCHOANAYLYZED” im this is very flirtatious als jack you’re like br  o

So he’s the King of Empathy. He’s,,, helping Will see his own face,,, mhm,,,,, what does that say about you, Dr. Lector?

He’s mocking where he was apologetic is this maybe noT

FJAGUDIS

SHIT THOSE ARE LUNGS

OH

“HE HAS A DAUGHTER SAME AGE” O H B O  Y THAT’S UH DADDY HAS SOME ISSUES WITH BABY LEAVING HOME

Also this is a copy cat dklafjsghjfd OH DAMN THAT SNAP BACK ABOUT DR. LECTOR FFUCKK MAN.

Also,, I  can see why this show,, caused issues,,, a man should not look handsome while eating fucking lungs.

More visions I cannot even

What does this

What the hell is this

Dr. Lector showing up at his house o h .

IS HE FEEDING HIM FUCKING LUNGS BITCH OH MY GD ON A FIRST DATE???

“God forbid we become friendly”

“I don’t find you that interesting”

This smells,,, like a ship,,, mhm,,,,

Breath will damn breath slow and use the words omg

Mhm ookay “we’re just alike” in the first bit…

Uncle Jack sees him as a fine china tea cup. That’s hilarious.

“How do you see me?” says Will.

“The mongoose I want under the house when the snakes slither by,” replies Hannibal WHILE WILL IS KEEPING EYE CONTACT.

OH MY GOD. MHM. KAY. IM OKAY. THIS IS OKAY.

So is there a reason -- “plain but pretty” hannibal gives a look -- is there a reason no official officer is accompanying them like????? They’re both not??? FBI????

Damn hannibal spilling shit everywhere.

HE’S USING A TISSUE TO PICK UP THE PHONE

TO CALL HIS DAUGHTER

MHMMMM?????????

Wait no he’s calling someone else

Who is this

OH HE’S CALLING GARRETT. OH. wait is he helping other cannibals get away. What the fuck. You can’t do that, Hannibal. Is there a fuckking cannibal union yall get together and trrade recipes.

OH NO GARRETT MURDERED HIS WIFE AND KID DIDNT HE OH NO

OH PLEASE NO

Wait we’re back to reality

This back and forth is trippy

Oh

H  N

OH  NO

FUCK YU HANNIBAL AND YOUR STUPID FUCKING CANNIBAL CLAN THIS PR WOMAN :(((((((((

I do love how this built up to Hannibal being the cannibal but it was Hobbs. NFIEGSIBFD

HOBBS NO

FUCK HIM UP WILL

(also I guess Will technically is FBI that probably helps lmao)

Oh no

O h n o

Dont whisper at him to see bitch

Oh no

Will

Will it’s

Oh no

>:((((((((((((((((((( hannibal Imma fuck you up

Will honey let someone clean your glasses. Does she survive? I hope the girl survives. The Traitor Cannibal Bitch is going with them. Mhm.

Alana tryin’ to protect him. (Does she like him? I got bad news, babe, he’s gonna fall in love with a man-eater.)

shE SURVIVED??? AND HANNIBAL IS THERE WITH HER???? OMOG??? DOES HE FEEL BAD YET YOU FUCKING BITCH YOU READ THE CANNIBAL WRONG AND HE NEARLY MURDERED HIS FAMILY wait is this chick who everyone calls their daughter oomg??? Is this her????

WHAT WAS THIS SHOW OMG WHAT WAS THIS SHOW

[ziracona]

I reread your bit about rin in the last chapter and oh my god im crying. You did my girl justice. I'm so proud of her and i'm glad she had fun. I love the thought that she's helping him in little ways. ;') and oh my god. i love the myers siblings. Do you mind if I ask for hcs? because oooohhhmygod. need more

Awww thank you so much! I really liked the Adam-Rin segment too. I wanted to talk about Rin, but being an Onryo made it so I just couldn’t feasibly in the bulk of the story. Really glad I still got to give her her moment in the sun. : ) Adam’s such a great dude too, and I’m so happy he found meaning the way he did and keeps up such an active and deep relationship with someone who’s passed on. It’s not an easy thing to do, but I think it’s kind, and meaningful. And sure! I’m not sure if you mean Laurie and Mikey or Judith too since I got a few Judith asks yesterday, but ima assume this is ILM related and you’re looking for post-fic Laurie & Michael (sorry if that’s not the intended ask TuT). I did more but this is already a lot so I didn’t post them all haha. Here you go!

Laurie would be very unlikely to make the first move in a romantic relationship. She’s so used to prioritising survival, even when she’s okay again her brain is always, “keep homeostasis” as her directive, and adding a relationship does not fall under that listing. That said, she definitely still develops feelings, and would want things to happen. But I think it would be slow. I think with Laurie, she’d be going to lunches and having long talks and drinks and staying up and falling asleep on the couch together, in and out like each others’ presence belongs in their respective homes, come to each other for support and with hard days and for life advice, go to the theatre together and let them buy her a drink like they always do without being asked, brought back a nice gift from a trip, she waits up for them to get home to greet them, for like 1-3 years solid before one day they just take her hand and kind of smile and she realises she’s been in a relationship for two years and they just never said it, and maybe they won’t now, maybe not for another two years, but they know it, and she’s so happy.

Michael never cuts his hair short, but does not mind Laurie making him let her give him ponytails when they’re working on something, because it does get in his face.

Laurie softballs Michael for a while, since, well, she’s trying to help him reintegrate into society as a human being after having had a childhood that was basically just a 15 year stretch of psychological trauma, and being kind and supportive is a must. But after a few years, she’s gotten much more comfortable and sibling-ish in her interactions. She’ll definitely still be serious and supportive if anything happens and he needs it, but she’ll also give him shit for eating her food or not getting up off the bed she’s trying to make. He enjoys annoying her and does it for fun. Will hold eye contact and eat the cupcake she was saving just to watch her flip, like a cat batting an orange off a counter (or, you know, a sibling who’s feeling /that/ vibe rn.)

Laurie is 99% of Michael’s impulse control. If he and Quentin do something together without her, it /will/ be a disaster, because where Laurie inflicts neutral levels of chaos on the group w her lawful, Michael will almost instantaneously get Quentin to swap from lawful to chaos if she’s not there. They will both be fine, but there /will/ be something on fire when she gets back.

Laurie, walking into the house and seeing then throwing objects into a burning wastebasket in the living room: I don’t like what I’m seeing. Bring me up to speed.

Quentin: So, we maybe have illegally destroyed a car—but it’s okay! We had a good reason! Plus, we destroyed the evidence. Let me explain. So, this guy-

Laurie: :/

Michael: *gives her a ‘what’s your problem?’ gesture*

Michael and Laurie physically fight for nostalgia’s sake sometimes (for fun-get exasperated and performatively MMA. They would not actually injure each other).

One time, Laurie and Michael were walking home together from a movie and a guy drove by and whistled at Laurie and said something vulgar, and Michael stepped into the road and smashed the front of his car with his foot. It was beautiful. They did have to flee the scene but Laurie was /gleeful/. The dude in the car saw his gd life flash before his eyes and rethought some life choices.

It is a long time before Michael is willing to take any kind of meds for his psychosis (very understandably), but when Quentin eventually graduates Med school, six or so years later (bless u Jake for forging him some credits), he is willing to try a few given by him. It is not a good or easy couple of months, but he does it.

Michael gets along surprisingly well with the survivors. Most of them are pretty intimidated, but he’s genuinely chill, and they’ve been through weirder shit so 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s like “Welp. This might as well happen.” and accept him in. Meg is a big thot. She’s into Susie and would never cheat and Susie knows this, but Meg will still flirt like crazy with Michael bc it’s her personality, and Michael, who’s never had this ever happen, is /beyond/ confused. Every time she says something stupid like, “Damn you’re tall. If I wasn’t a married woman, I’d climb you like a jungle gym.” He gives her the exact look Sam gives Gollum when he’s dissing potatoes in lotr.

Since she knew his and his family’s whole names and his wife’s face, Laurie tracks down Sujan’s family and tells them everything she can about what happened and how good he was, and what a difference the first person in the realm who was kind to her made.

Michael really enjoys traveling. He’s been cooped up his whole life. Spent 15 years in one little white room, and then 40 in reproductions of Haddonfield in the realm. Really, except for his solo journey from Wisconsin to home, he’s never left the state of Illinois. He goes with the survivor squad on their group trips, once he’s comfortable enough, and is consistently amazed. He’s not a very visibly emotive person, and can’t physically be bc of his psychosis symptoms, but his eyes will get big seeing the northern lights from a platform, and he’ll grab Laurie or Quentin’s wrist & point to make sure they’re seeing it too, and Laurie has never been so happy. After his first trip, he very much looks forward to the annual event.

Dr. Loomis is the only thing Michael as an adult has ever feared. (Obviously all humans feel temporary fear, like if a car comes at you or someone with a gun. But past instantaneous shock-fear, I don’t think Michael has ever been afraid of anyone else). This is based off of canon, because to me Michael reads as scared of him, especially in Halloween 2. He pauses and then retreats from Loomis in the first film, and when he sees Loomis running down streets looking for him in 2, he hides (I actually really love the Michael pov in Halloween 2 in the open. It was very humanising). Then, at the end of 2, when he’s blind and Laurie and Loomis have filled the room with ether, and Loomis tells him it’s over, he stops trying to find and kill Loomis and freezes. I genuinely think because he was scared of Loomis and has been for years (after that treatment constantly in isolation as a child, how could he not be?) and has known since he was 6 Loomis wants to kill him, so when he basically says “I’m about to kill you,” he believes him and it scares him. It’s the axe that’s been waiting to drop since he was a kid.

Laurie goes to cons with Nea, Quentin, & Min occasionally, and has dressed up as all three OG Star Wars protagonists like the lovely huge nerd she is. Has also made Michael sit down and watch all the movies w her.

Michael and Laurie go visit Judith a lot. They’ll pack a picnic lunch and talk with her and about her at her grave. It was very hard the first time they went there, especially for Michael, but after a while, it helps. It’s a way to deal with what was done in the past that makes it seem surmountable. It also helps to deal with the loss of someone they both cared for. When they go, Laurie always gets Michael to tell her something about her older sister she hast heard yet. David tracks down an old high school album from 1963, and is able to get three pictures of Judith colorised and they’re able to have a nice full-color photo of her to hang up in the house.

[starredfishing]

I love your Three houses child units! Do you think you could make more for the rest of the characters

I did actually make more a long time ago and never shared them!!!! (This might be a long post and im on moble sorry,,,,also all these drawings are form last year)

Adela von Aegir and Edmund Arnault (i hadn't yet been introduced to all of the characters, thus im going to change edmund's name because i wasn't aware marianne's last name was edmund oops 🤧)

Adela, like her father, is incredibly dramatic and has a love for the theater. She's a singer, trained under dorothea (reluctantly, but she couldnt say no to the enthusiasm)

Edmund on the other hand is incredibly shy. He plays various instruments though he's much more comfortable with the piano. He often writes music for Adela and they perform together. He's had a puppy crush on her since they were kids. I just think theyre cute 🥺

Diana Chikara Fraldarius is one hell of a woman. She's got her father's fighting spirit but was blessed with a little more patience. She's older than nikolai by a few years and thus ends up training him in the sword. While you were being heterosexual she studied the blade (just like her dad lol) nikolai looks up to her a lot. Ah the blaiddyd and fraldarius friendship gene

Ah, the Kids.....

Suhaymah von Reigan, Basir Molinaro and Kiri Macneary making up the squad of "poc who are allowed to get mad at the world screw you intsys"

Basir, like his father, is in training to be nikolai's vassal. He hates it. Its not that basir and nikolai don't get along, that's not it, basir just doesn't like the idea of serving the family when his father has already paid his life debt. Actively will tell king dimitri off when there are racist members of his cabinet. Unlike his father, has a very big personality, and isnt afraid to speak his mind. Gives great hugs.

Kiri Macneary was born in brigid and immigrated to fodlan as a young child. She is incredibly upset at what her mother was put through as a student and vows to make it right. Speaks perfect fodlan common, thank you very much, you do not have to slow down to speak with her. Like her mother, is great at climbing trees and finds peace in nature. Loves the ocean

Also the three of them are the new house leaders for the GD BL and BE :D

[nympsycho-ao3]

DID YOU SEE THAT NEW 6TARO/4TARO FIC BY STARBOYPLATINUM ON AO3 YET? Fuckin’ good shit right there gd

you know, i havent. this one? might not be the right one but this one intrigued me so here we are.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23973151

so i opened it up and read the tags and decided to liveblog my reaction to reading it here.

first reaction is “oh boy, piss” and then “Oh boy cockslut jotaro” and then...

curry udon sounds pretty good

i would pay so much money for daddy jotaro to do my laundry holy fucking shit

lemme google pocari sweat real quick. sweet it’s japanese gatorade

dr daddy kujo contact name i am WHEEZING

imagine whipping your cock out and pissing from your snake skin PANTS

oh my god he even shakes it to get the last drop off i love this so much. im not into piss sexually but this is absolutely hilarious to be and also hot what is going on

damn 6taro be hydrated

their dynamic is incredible. i like how it’s not acknowledged that they’re even the same person? so far? lol

dfw you see your daddy’s phat piss-dripping cock and you run to ur room and cuddle ur dolphin plushie that ur daddy bought u

he’s kissing it holy fucking christ he is KISSING the dolphin

....cetacean companion... is genius fucking writing....

he cummied on the cetacean companion

holy fuck kujo leaving the door open on purpose is so fucking funny and hot

hey jotaro i feel you i wouldnt want my stuffed animals watching me jerk it every time my daddy goes piss either

he owns a BAR is this gonna have... boozey sex.... omg... maybe... ill still be happy without it but thats big bonie and also lots of piss

DILFY SILVER FOX OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOO

you know i would totally go to this bar just to give this sexy man my money. he doesnt even need to make me a drink ill just slide him my debit and tell him to put whatever he wants on the tab.

“perfect fourty-two” lmao ok i totally fall victim to this too but 42 isnt like, silver fox territory. its so tempting to do with jotaro tho. maybe he goes grey early lmao. god he’s hot teasing like this all loud and shit god damn.

DADDY’S SPECIAL BABY BOOOOOY

phallic drink mixing is excelelnt and my boner is here for it i LOVE

yes please get jotaro on his knees some more... damn...

this is intensely arousing and incredibly well written. jesus christ the absolute smackdown that jotaro gets, trying to get an ounce of power, only for it to be taken back by the smug and sexy kujo is exhilarating.

oh my god is this the beginning of a piss fetish? is this is? is this who i am? im big bonie rock hard i want daddy kujo to piss in my mouth wtf

kujo literally pisses the ocean

love love love how the author acknowledges that a guy stopping mid stream is “herculean” but fuckiin writes him doing it ANYWAY the fucking balls... who cares its porn god bless kujo’s piss stopping abilities. taint of steel.

the dialogue in this is like, palpable

do any of you have any fucking idea how much money i would pay to have daddy kujo’s piss soaked precum-oozing cock slapped across my cheek??? like??? thank you starboyplatinum sm...

“you only call me that when you want something” what a hot and visceral line. this dialogue cannot be matched.

thank you for reminding me that he’s wearing snants

ARE YOU CRYING? I CANT TELL WITH MY PISS ALL OVER YOUR FACE????? OH MY GOD??? LINGUSITIC..... GENIUS this should be a lyric in a song

i cannot even handle this right now. jotaro steals his underwear im legit gonna nut to this

THERE IS A CAMERA. IN THE DOLPHIN. RED ALERT RED ALERT SOUND THE FUCKING SIRENS god thats so god. that crosses into yandere territory for me. imagine crazy-ass dilftaro giving you a stuffed dolphin so he can watch you jerk it oh my fgodd

oh it was a joke ahahhaa well, im not deleting that still good

HUMP HIS LEG HUMP HIS LEG YOU SILLY LITTLE BITCH COCKSLUT yes

step on my bladder and wring my piss out like a gogurt, daddy kujo

aw i like that he knows he wont hurt him. too much.

oh my god he’s making him go out like this holy fucking shit

hnnng the way he grabs his hand when he tries to wipe his face hnnng such an amazing detail/choice

that fucking authors not at the end is fucking real and really relarable. like holy shit this fic converted me im gonna make my man piss on my face fucking shit jesus christ

Easily one of my favorite reads in a very long time. Wow, this was just fucking filthy and amazing. i really loved everything about it and im surprised at that, I thought i would have to overlook the piss but now i embrace the piss. piss embracers unite. god bless you starboyplatinum holy fucking shit you magnificent word wizard, you.

[curioussubjects]

Non-jittery Thoughts on 15.01

Alright, had some time too calm the hell down, so I could have thoughts beyond a keysmash and a crying emoji. Chances are, too, that I’ll have more to say once I sit down with the episode again. Had to get these initial reactions/musings out of the way first.

This episode did a bang up job setting up the personal plot points for tfw. I’m super excited to see where this is going: Dean’s hell trauma revisited, Sam’s wound and its connection to his own darkness, Cas still struggling with belonging, Dean and Cas’s continuous wrongfootedness coming to a head. It’s going to be a killer of a season emotionally, and I am Here. For. It. 

Full disclosure: the biggest chunk is destiel related. In my defense, Dabb & co. didn’t have to enable me, but here we are.

More thoughts under the cut. 

General Thoughts:

My hype was not squashed! We got a really strong season opener and I’m so happy about it. Sure, we got running ghosts. But overall the episode was incredible; just a solid SPN episode all around. A+ job and kudos to all involved ♥♥♥

The new title card is gorgeous and full of meta potential goodness. See this post for more on that; op hit it on the head I think. For additional analysis, there’s this post from different op that is killer.

Opening sequence with tfw fighting zombie ghosts and running for shelter? Amazing. Showstopping. Breathtaking. 

Dean’s grief over Jack that’s embroiled in his grief for Mary. Just. “He was our kid.” That’s some complicated shit right there. 

Gotta love all the tidbits hinting at what is to come during 15.a, at the very least, if not the larger goal of the season. Reading y’all’s thoughts on the episode has been great so far, and I can’t wait to see what else crops up this week.

                                                              //

On Sam: Currently, Sam’s role in the more interesting aspects of the plot continue to not quite match Dean’s, which has been a problem for a while. I’m seriously hoping that changes some with Eileen’s return, Rowena coming in with some banter maybe next week, and whatever weird curse Sam got with that bullet wound. I’m loving the potential and I’m loving the prospect of having Sam brought back to the center of the plot. I missed some more emotional involvement from him this episode, too, but that should be addressed once things calm down and Sam and Dean can debrief. However, we got peak Sam in a crisis and it’s always a treat to see him do his job. Bless. Him telling the clown to shut up made my night. I love him so much. 

                                                               //

On Belphegor: First off, Alex did such a fantastic job. I giggled a ridiculous amount. Instantly invested in the character as bringer of shenanigans. Was not disappointed. Quick deliciously meta tidbits about Belphegor, some of which may not feature in the show, but are still *chef’s kiss* (x):

Moabite deity responsible for fertility and sexual power (in case the ep wasn’t clear on that lmao)

was worshiped in the form of a phallus (so glad that made it to canon jfc)

is a fallen angel??? hello???

he’s the demonic embodiment of sloth, BUT specifically negligence and apathy (i am screaming isnt negligence the whole ordeal with dean and cas atm...and apathy was the problem with jack’s soulessness) 

rules misogyny and licentious men (yeah ok no wonder he was a fan of younger dean oof)

the juiciest: emerged from hell to investigate marriage among humans (and is conveniently in the peanut gallery of dean and cas’s fight. funny how that happens. hilarious, even.) 

apparently after living as a man to experience sexual pleasure he was appalled and fled back to hell where sex between men and women wasn’t a thing i’m??? what?? (yet in the show he seemed ok with hot dudes ayy)

I’m glad my “horny on main” observation turned out to be so on point jesus. Can’t help but wonder how long he’s gonna stick around. His outside perspective is amusing, at the very least. However, the fact that he barely interacted with Sam, but was a lot interested in Dean as well as Cas (though to a lesser extent) makes me think that he’s doing more than just deus exing them out of zombies and ghosts or offering hell exposition. Seems like he going to expose SOME OTHER STUFF. ABOUT DEAN (AND CAS?). He is the “Lord of Opening” after all. And isn’t using their words and being honest the thing we’re all waiting for wrt to DeanCas?? There’s some opening up that is necessary posthaste. Listen, I know I’ve been saying they need a marriage counselor, but this is not what I had in mind. Pretty on brand, though, I guess lol

I’m also really interested about the coding work the character is doing in continuing to queer Dean’s characterization. Belphegor being himself associated with (male) sexuality, and the show clearly focusing on his attraction to humans of the man variety. I wouldn’t even call it subtextual at this point as Belphegor’s interaction with Dean in the car to was really overt. My hopes that the show might actually be explicit about Dean’s bisexuality is uhhhh getting high again *confetti.* Should also maybe at least note that using a demon to do this is probs not like the best strategy, but at least said demon was 1. not skeevy and 2. mostly sympathetic to the audience. 

This is all assuming, ofc, that Belphegor is not catfishing tfw (there’s precedence, after all -- and kudos to anon and op for the timely observations). 

                                                                  //

On Dean & Cas: I think it’s really damn telling that so much space was given to their relationship as like the most important thing going on with their characters? Obviously they have individual issues to deal with (their own struggles with Chuck, revisiting Dean’s stint in hell....which btw also eventually involves Cas too so *hands*), but my sweet baby jesus the validation feels good. Onwards. 

We actually have a weird amount to unpack here because, as others have said, the tension between them is coming from more than just Mary and Jack -- though Mary and Jack are absolutely the main stressors atm as well as emblematic of problems they’ve had for a long long time.  

I’m gonna start with Dean because boy do I love that dumbass; I want to shake him. So we have Dean: he’s grieving Mary, he’s angry, he’s scared, he’s lashing out. It’s a Thursday. We know he’s angry with Cas because he blames him for Mary’s death, even if indirectly. You know what that reminds me of? Dean hating Jack for causing Cas’s death, even though it wasn’t directly Jack’s fault. More importantly, though, both the loss of Mary and the loss of Cas were caused by the same catalyst: Cas going off on his own to solve a problem instead of asking Dean (and Sam, but really, mostly Dean) for help. Like, it’s the one thing Dean has very clearly expressed that Cas needs to stop doing (hi 12x19). It’s the same mistake Cas has been making for years. There was a false sense of security there during seasons 13 and most of 14, but alas. Again, here we have Dean losing someone because Cas couldn’t just come ask him for help. Like. It makes sense, and it’s understandable, despite Dean’s coping mechanisms being shit. In short, Dean’s actual problem with Cas is less that Mary is dead and more that Cas refuses to learn his lesson wrt them being stronger as a unit rather than doing their own thing and putting themselves and others in unnecessary danger. 

Meanwhile, we have a continuation of Cas just being really sad and heartbroken because not only is Jack dead, but he’s once again unsure about his standing with Dean. He wants to protect his family, he wants to protect Dean, he wants to come back with a win; once more, he goes off on his own to do it and it blows up in his face somehow. As much as I loved Cas getting mad at the end of last season, I get why he’s somewhat subdued again. He has his guilt and grief and doubt to deal with. He doesn’t want to be mad at Dean probably about as much as he doesn’t want Dean to be mad at him. So far I’m not yet seeing the return of the spark we got when Cas was defending Jack last season, but I’m sure Dean walking out rattled him beyond the hurt. I wanna see what else happens to make him leave “in a huff” (a bit of spec on this further down). That said, what I’m most excited about is seeing how Cas gets reintegrated into the family -- pretty sure that’s universal lol.

The juiciest part now, though: I was all about the interplay of distance and care that we saw between them; let’s pause here for a quick sec to appreciate how that same interplay has been such a central part of Dean and Cas’s relationship since always like ugh. So much of the larger plot points in the show have also been situations that kept them from being truly partners as well as being constant interruptions on their ability to USE THEIR FRIGGIN’ WORDS AAAACK. We give Sam a lot of flack, but everything has awful timing in this show. We’ve had moments of honesty and vulnerability, but they’re always always cut short before we actually get somewhere; before they arrive at a place where they can talk about their issues. If the “are you ok” scene isn’t a perfect microcosm of that idk what is  /sigh

So, yeah, the “Are you ok” scene oooh boy. I wasn’t as excited as some of you at this scene being an example that Dean still cared, as that was never a doubt I had in my mind (it was definitely a yes omg just talk jesus moments nevertheless). Dean couldn’t possibly just turn that shit off, no matter how much he thinks he’s done with Cas. Like, please.  What we do have is Dean indulging on his own need to know that Cas is, at least, immediately fine. Triage, if you will. Him walking off before Cas can either elaborate, or, most likely, tell him about Sam, is peak Dean passive-aggressiveness. The meltdown I had in the tags of a gifset of the scene is still relevant:

 #cas's little sigh of idk relief???#like he's so sad and physically fine but he's SO SAD and heartbroken#and here's dean finally not just being cold to him and ASKING ABOUT HIS WELLBEING#look at cas's face in tht second gif my heart#you can see him gd relax too i cant#and dean has his fucking check in during a break in the chaos face#im so mad#jdhakjsdfhklsd#and then dean just.........walks away and doesnt actually debrief or help or none of the things he would do#and cas is just...there all vulnerable and upset right before he clams up at the demon's quip#but it doesnt even last look at his damn face as he leaves IM SO#somebody hug him#skldjfhklsajdfa#he needs a dean hug#but noooo dean is being a jackass#this is awful#im not ok#i hate it when they fight#im over it that's enough drama dabb i take back everything i said about loving pain

I’ll definitely have more thoughts on this once we have whatever emotional payload next week.

All in all, I’m not actually concerned about the future of their relationship. They’ve been through much, they’ll be fine. I am, though, tickled that we’ll see these key problems in their relationship reach a point where they have to be dealt with. Also: I can’t wait for the catharsis that Cas leaving is bound to elicit. Both for us, the viewers, and the characters. Besides, Dean needs to go to a corner and have a think about his behavior and if pushing Cas away is really what he wants. And then maybe finally we can get that sweet sweet resolution of an affirmation about Cas’s place in Dean’s life. And in turn an affirmation that Cas does trust their family unit enough to depend on them. 

I think we got a good set up in this episode leading into whatever drama we get in the coming weeks. The tension was up to 11. Love it. Hate it. Personally, I think the empty deal might be what does sets off Cas walking out. Somehow, the deal is not a secret anymore. We have here another instance of Cas making a super important decision that affects The Family on his own and then keeping it a secret (to protect Sam and Dean, a pattern). Dean can be angry and think Cas is dead to him all he wants, he will blow tf up when he learns about this deal. Sam isn’t gonna be thrilled either, though he’s more likely to make puppy eyes of sadness and Disappointment than yell at Cas. Seriously, though, I can just see Dean saying some bullshit because he’s just so done and here goes Cas potentially dying again, which in turn will probably piss Cas off. Etc etc. Cue the violins. 

                                                               //

tl;dr: if episode 1 is any indication, we’re in for a wild fucking ride, kiddos. hold onto your butts!!! 

[theramseyloft]

Just so that you can see the shit I deal with from other pigeon breeders:

This was the response to pictures of @radpige ‘s little boy Roo on the COF club forum: (Names replaced with initial/s to protect identities.)

Last year at Louisville, we had solid white, entries. some disqualified, others should have of been. This could put the scare in the young people. Please don't sell culls, this is a deterrent to young members. The #'s of young you raise doesn't matter. What matters is the #'s that placed in the shows. If the number of birds you sell matters, yours is the wrong reason for raising show pigeons.

BS

Hi B. I don't think the lady entering the white bird understood that it was a seraphim and not a COF. Or, that COF's must have lace or bars to be shown. Glad you reminded me of this issue. Seeing how show season is upon us I'll add it to my president's remarks in the newsletter. The confusion was apparent and regrettable but covered in the standard.

RD

I talked to the lady & It had white feathers from day 1. Seraphim has yellow or red feathers as a baby. I raised some white feathered babies, but never kept them.

HC

(What this post is missing is my angry declaration of refusal to kill a healthy bird for failure to make the stock cut, citing that people who breed show dogs separate them into show, breeding, and pet quality, and sure as hell do not kill puppies for not being breeder quality. That, and an older member essentially telling us to shut up about killing birds  because it’s “Gold to the fanatics” were both edited out of the post)

R... I said that a bird must have lace or bars to be shown but when I looked at the standard not having lace or bars isn't listed as a disqualification. Shouldn't those markings be required? Or, just deductions?

RD

If it's not in the standard yet, it would seem unfair to a person new to the breed to have their bird disqualified. But, that being said I think they should've entered it in the rare breeds as a Seraph.

PG

Standard clearly defines disqualifications:

DISQUALIFICATIONS-

No Frill. No crest. No grouse muffs. White, or substantial white tail. More than one colored flight mixed in with the white flights in Satinettes. More than one white flight mixed in with the colored flights in Blondinettes. Sickness. Live vermin. Deformities. Severely out of condition from dirt, disease or parasites.

That being said a white bird loses ALL points for color AND markings. That would essentially put it at the back of the pack, which essentially a practical disqualification, if not a literal one.

Oh, and by the way, this is part of our standard:

"There will also be a class for AOC, for other factors which fanciers successfully transfer over to Classic Frills, such as milky, reduced, opal, etc. It should be noted that these factors must also have the telltale marks of Oriental Frills, and that is the Toy Stencil and Frill Stencil Factors, in combination, so that the same requirements stated in other parts of the standard are applicable to any new color factor added to the gene pool".

If I was judging, a white would go out first. Call it what you will.

RC

If you place a cull last, what do you tell a junior member? What to pair this cull to?.

The seller should replace, this one, with a quality pair. Junior members are needed, without being punished, with CULLS. If you raise a hundred young , 75 percent are CULLS. That's 72 yrs. experience. Reduce the #s to be able to afford the feed bill.

Lets fix the heads to conform, to our standard. The heads are so far from meeting the standard. No cheeks, no gullet, top knot to far down the back of the neck, You got the beak to a proper length. when the babies can be raised to fruition.

M has the best heads of all members, my opinion, probably not worth much.

BS

The difference is that this bird was NOT sold to someone who will breed or show him. Dani talks to prospective owners carefully about their goals for the birds she sells, and Roo was sold as a pet. He's not going to be shown, and Dani already told his new owner that he would be disqualified if he were put in a show.

I believe everyone here agrees that if you're selling a COF to a new member, you want to give them good stock birds that can give them a good introduction to the breed. However, that doesn't apply to people who only want pets, because a mismarked bird is still a great pet if their owner doesn't plan to show.

GD

The ones you kill, stew them with a can of succotash. High protein.

The dog and cats love them stewed. R's Aunt made the best I ever ate.

BS

Here is the reply I just posted:

If the only birds not killed in your loft are potential show winners or stock birds who could potentially throw them, then you enjoy the ribbon more than the bird, and the bird is nothing but a means to get ribbons.

Winning or placing at shows is a great way to make sure that a breeding flock is in line with the standard, but shows are just a tool to keep our studs on track so that the breed we love doesn't turn into something else.

You don't need to kill birds to manage numbers.

I manage my numbers by having a small loft, being VERY selective about my keep backs, and selling my culls as house pets to people who don't breed or show.

Every one wins that way.

I don't raise more birds than I can care for.

No healthy birds have to be killed.

No poor quality birds reproduce or take up another breeder's loft space or feed.

People who have no interest in breeding or showing get an unusual, pretty pet that's easy to care for.

And most, when not all, of my feed and vet bills are funded by those people who just wanted a PET.

Fanciers who want to show or breed would not be blessed by a bird that did not at least make the stock cut. Selling OR giving a cull to *them* would be cheating them. If not out of money, then out of feed and space that they could have put towards a bird that will benefit their stud.

But that doesn't make healthy culls worthless.

Fanciers don't want pets. 

Yeah, I know.

That's why I don't advertise pet quality birds to fanciers.

But that doesn't mean that there aren't people who do, and I see absolutely no reason that the people who want a pet can't have a healthy cull.

[reinswoth-bdo]

Kamasylvia Sunset

Rozenelle spent few days in Kamasylvia, sight-seeing with Narumi. It seems like few things has changed since her last visits there. Narumi and Rozenelle visited the eldest spirit in Grána, Merindora who takes care of the gardens in the city. Papu was not her original form but to be near with the people, she took the form of a Papu. Her reason was it was cute. It was almost sunset in Grána. Narumi quickly brought Rozenelle to on top of the Holy Tree of Kamasylve. 

“You’ll love it, Rozen. Trust me,” Narumi convinced her. Rozenelle just follow her as they went through the path that was created in the trunk of the tree.

The flowers, the leaves is in glowing white. It looks at a snow at the first glance. The fireflies dancing around her as they were celebrating and waiting for her. She was indeed amazed by the beauty that it holds.

“It’s sunset, don’t you love sunset?” Narumi asked. Rozenelle nodded as her eyes followed the trails of the fireflies.

“Come here,” Narumi called her to the edge of the tree. She carefully walked towards her and was mesmerized instead when she lifted up her head. She gasped, admiring the beauty of the sunset.

“Pretty, isn’t it?”

“More than pretty, I must say,” Rozenelle replied, still fixing her eyes on the view. From a distant, they could heard a horse galloping onto the tree. The part is big enough for them to make a horse went through. Narumi turned around and saw GD arriving on his horse. She bowed a little and went to him.

“I leave her for you care. Send my wishes to her,” Narumi whispered before going to her Arduanatt and took a leave by gliding down with her horse from the tree.

La Rose

GD carefully walked behind Rozenelle, trying not to scare her. He cleared his throat to catch her attention, which succeed. Rozenelle turned around and almost lost her balance - GD caught her by the waist just in time.

“Ehem, thanks,” she blushed a little and he chuckled. He pulled her a bit further from the edge and look behind her.

“Beautiful sunset,” he commented and she turned a little to see it again.

“Indeed,” she agreed. This time, GD got on one of his knee and presented a rose for her. She looked at him, bewildered.

“Happy birthday, dear Cat-witch. A rose for a Rose,” he spoke with a soft smile. She covered her mouth, gasping.

“My birthday- You remember? Even I forgot it is today!”

“I’m good with numbers, you know,” he chuckled while she pouting a little before taking the rose from him after complaining his arm getting tired.

“I almost got caught in Calpheon for picking this for you- I had a bouquet of it!” GD explained. It was some kind of ‘crime’ for you to picking up flowers in the Calpheon City. Rozenelle just rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, right... Unbelievable~” That received a whining sound from GD.

The Queen’s Wish

Soon after, one of the Queen’s servant came to them. She bowed down to greet her which quickly Rozenelle told her to get up.

“The Queen is requesting for you, Lady Rozenelle and Sir GD,” she informed.

“Lead us to her, please,” Rozenelle requested and they both followed the servant through the path in the trunk before. GD left his horse with one of the servants to bring it to the stable. 

GD and Rozenelle walked side by side like it was some kind of ceremony for them to meet the Queen. They both were nervous because suddenly the Queen was summoning them. It feels like something happened. They both arrived the courtyard where the Queen was waiting for them.

“Lady Rozenelle...” the Queen walked towards her and held onto her hands. Rozenelle watched her hands and the Queen, feeling confused.

“Happy birthday, my dear. I wish and bless you prosperity for you always,” the Queen proceed to kiss her on the forehead after done with her wish. This is when Rozenelle finally broke down crying. Queen Barolina quickly hugged her, shushing her to calm down but only to have her crying for more. Her hug was so warm that Rozenelle melted down more, just like her mother’s. Queen Barolina just keep hugging her until her cries subsided a little.

“GD can you take Rozenelle away for a bit?”

“Yes, your majesty,” GD bowed and held onto Rozenelle’s hand.

Missing

“A cry-baby,” GD teased her and patted her head afterwards. She hates it but this time, she did not even bother to swat his hand away from her head. he brought her to some secluded area to hide her from other. He knows how much she hates to let others see her crying.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, concerned.

“I miss my family... Been years,” she sighed and looked at the emptiness while lost in her thoughts. He understood her feeling and rested his forehead onto hers.

“I miss my family too... But we’re still here, we need to keep going,” he tried to comfort her. She just kept silenced, He stayed like that with her, both lost in thoughts.

GD lifted her head up. He remembered something. He tried to break her trance and decided to bring her somewhere.

“You’ll like this!”

Surprise

Rozenelle tiled her head, confused and feeling weird. She squinted her eyes at him, feeling suspicious as they were standing in front one of the houses in Grána.

“And again... Where is this? Who’s house is this?” Rozenelle keep attacking him with questions that he had to put one finger onto her lips to keep her quiet.

“It’s my house. I bought the house shortly after we both come here,” GD explained.

“And why, again?”

“Why not? Grána is a beautiful! I am very sure you like here too!”

“Yeah, but I travel a lot-” She was cut off when GD opened the door. She peeked inside and saw the house almost full - with sofa, a bed, windows covered with curtains... there’s even an aquarium inside!

“When did you do all this?”

“Uh, remember when I said I got work to do? That... time,” he nervously rubbed the back of his neck with an awkward grin. She looked around and patted him on the shoulder.

“Good job, I must say.”

“It’s not fully complete yet! I wanted to show you later but I feel like it can’t wait anymore so... TADAH!” She chuckled and pinched him on his side - a punishment for lying to her.

“Come inside, I show you around!” GD said excitedly and Rozenelle just followed him.

[rooftopprendezvous]

Don't know if its unpopular opinion or not but Robron boyfriend era was such an underwhelming let down. After a messed up affair, scrapyard and lodge scenes Robert magically always loved Aaron & he is everything somehow. They reunite with a lame kiss, there is no built up, no proper couple time. Its all about Liv, then its all about Andy and then its all about Robert spending most of his time with Rebecca with Aaron being miserable. They were missing the little things that saw love and affection

*insert Natalie Imbruglia ‘I am torn’ gif here*

So I was still on the outskirts of the fandom when the boyfriend era started. I was stalking numerous tumblrs on the regular and pretending that I wasn’t completely obsessed and spending all my time thinking about these two love sick idiots, but I hadn’t created my own blog yet. I remember the excitement though. Knowing something big was going to happen, but not quite sure what. Then THAT KISS! I totally disagree about it being lame because I could write sonnets (and almost have in my tags) about how much I loved that kiss and the scene as a whole. Everyone was going bananas because they were finally together and I needed to be a part of that so about a month later I joined the mayhem. So for that reason it holds a special place in my heart. 

I don’t know how you can say there was no build up though. Like how can you just throw the whole abuse/friend era out the window like that? It was hands down one of the best eras for me. Robert wakes up from his coma and the only thing he knows for sure is he still loves Aaron and he can’t fathom the idea that Aaron is the one who shot him. Then when he can prove it he can’t call the cops fast enough to get Aaron out of jail. Robert thinks they can just go back to the way things were, but Aaron is like the fuck? I don’t think so pal. BUT ROBERT IS THE ONLY ONE TO NOTICE THAT AARON IS COMPLETELY FALLING APART AND HE KNOWS HE HAS TO DO SOMETHING AND THEN AARON COLLAPSES SO ROBERT BASICALLY DEDICATES HIS ENTIRE EXISTENCE TO AARON AND I DIE.  He was there for Aaron when he needed him the most. Not letting it go any further until Aaron was ready. Was there anything during that time that I didn’t absolutely love? (Other than how hard it was for Aaron.) The answer is a resounding no. 

Now I’m ngl I loved Liv from the moment she showed up, but I agree they probably should have waited a bit to bring her in full time. Then there was the whole Robron chill and it was like the directors turned into teachers at a high school dance that went around with rulers and not allowing couples within a certain distance from each other. In this case there had to be a three foot gap at all times. But then we did get incredible moments like the ‘stuck in’ and ‘get your kit off’ scenes. There was the Robert/Liv bonding stuff. The ‘you matter to me’ fight. (Which to me was so beyond important that Robert finally said this is who I am, do you love me or not because there were times that I felt Aaron kind of verged on holier than though with Robert. I understood it, but I felt it was a bit much considering is own morally grey personality. Robert’s idea of helping might have dipped into the asinine, but his heart was in the right place. Somehow it was never enough though. So there’s my unpopular opinion.) So yeah overall not the greatest era by any stretch. 

Thankfully it didn’t last long and it culminated in the most epic of not one but two proposals and gd was SSW the best way to kick of the fiance era. Bless. 

[whatdidijustwrite]

Long Way to Go: Damien 2

Synopsis: MC reaches out across the web to find someone to talk to about Alex and how much he misses her while he struggles to raise his eldest daughter. He finds it in a single dad living in his old hometown of Maple Bay…

GothDad123,

I met my wife in college. We’d been paired up for a lab and I counted myself lucky- she was easily the smartest of the entire class and hey, easy marks. I was completely wrong- she did not let me do what I want like I thought and instead made me work hard for our marks, even when I got my roommate (who had been very hot) to try and charm her.

I respected her after that, and we got talking a bit. We didn’t start dating until she came out as trans to me, not wanting our relationship to begin without me knowing. I was fully accepting and we ended up dating throughout college. We got married (or as close to it) after college and almost right away debated kids. We both loved the idea so we got a close friend of ours to agree to carry the baby, mixing our sperm and having our daughter.

My wife was brilliant. She played piano, could debate any political question, had a thousand ideas under the sun. She’d gone to school for business, opened a hardware store with her brother. I took over the paperwork side, and we were… we were very happy together. We were thrilled when we legally got married. Our daughter was our flower girl.

My wife never liked staying still and was constantly trying new things, hence her many, many, many DIY projects.  She was the one to turn the hardware store into a chain, opening up other locations in surrounding cities. She was so happy with it all.

It was a car accident that killed her. Just a random accident. She was driving home from work when someone ran the red light. Instant death they told me, she didn’t suffer.

But we’re suffering now. My daughter’s getting better but… it feels like everything is crashing down on me. I tried therapy but quit when the woman made remarks about my wife I nearly punched her for.

I’m not sure where my head is anymore. I’m just taking it one day at a time, but… it feels like that might not help me in the long run.

-PandaFather

Damien read over the message once more, feeling his heart ache for the man.

Loving your spouse for years only to lose them so suddenly, and then to deal with bigots who don’t understand a damn thing.

Lucien was busy with yet another project he’d found- something similar to the patio furniture. A desk, made out of crates and plywood, painted black once he was done. But they did have dinner together before, and Lucien had asked after the man, curious as to why he hadn’t responded back yet.

Damien had figured the man was trying to think of what to write. After all, it was a subject most would shy away from. But he had still reached out to him. To him. Damien, the goth IT worker.

Damien bit his lip, rubbing at his chin in thought.

How best to reply… how best to convey…

-0-

PandaFather,

Your wife sounds like she was the most amazing woman in the world. You were blessed to have her in your life.

I cannot offer much to comfort you. I have been told I speak of death far too much for people to be comfortable, that my fascination with it concerns people.

But I do know that someone who shares your love would never want you to break down completely. The therapist was an awful person, but perhaps seeking out another one might help? If you do not think so, do not do so- forcing it would only make things worse for you in the end. Therapy is in the end, a selfish choice. It is for you to get better, not for anyone else.

Taking it one day at a time is the best choice now, but as you said, make sure it continues to be.

-GothDad123

Edited: Here is a link to sheet music for your daughter. I believe she may find the song perfect for melancholy moods.

The sounds of haunting piano keys filled the small house as Amanda let loose on the sheet music her dad had gotten from the guy who was messaging him.

M.C. listened to her play, eyes closed softly. It was almost as if Alex was back, playing her music on the keyboard she’d gotten before it died a nasty death a week before the accident in the form of Alex accidentally flipping it over while… otherwise engaged with M.C..

Opening his eyes, M.C. rubbed at them, thinking of GD (Amanda’s name for him) and his reply.

It was things he’d heard before- other than the therapy bit. He’d never heard it put like that, but god it made so much sense put like that. Therapy was for himself, to get better. It was so he could be selfish, not selfless.

He wanted to get better. He wanted to talk about his feelings, he’d admit. He knew he needed help. Alex had been a rock for him, struggling with his various issues, and losing her… it had hurt. It had hurt so much.

Sighing, M.C. looked over the list of LGBT friendly therapists he’d gotten from the internet. Some were in his area, some did skype sessions.

Maybe it would work out.

-0-

GothDad123,

Panda (my daughter) will not stop playing that song. Over and over and over again. She adores it, so thank you but I might go crazy from it soon enough.

I’ve been looking into therapists again. I found one who looks pretty promising, so I’m making arrangements. She’s an LGBT friendly therapist who helps with transitions, but she also helps with those experiencing loss, so let’s hope.

How is your son doing? Is he enjoying the new furniture he built? I know when my wife built ours we ate outside like all the time until it got to cold to do so.

Here’s another link for him if he’s getting bored.

-PandaFather

“Another message from PF dad?” asked Lucien, upon spotting the grin on his dad’s face.

“Quite… and PF?” Lucien shrugged, shoving in some macaroni into his mouth. Damien chuckled, putting his phone down. “He sent another link if you’re interested.”

“YES!” Lucien said, grinning. “What is it?” Damien eyed the half-eaten pile of vegetables and Lucien groaned but obeyed the wordless command. Damien smirked and waited until they finished their supper- eating outside of course given Lucien had to enjoy the furniture he built, much like PandaFather’s wife had- before he opened the link.

It was full of spice rack ideas, one of which involved taking old fashion casserole dishes and turning them on the side.

“Cool!” Lucien said, grinning at the pictures. Damien chuckled. His son was looking much happier then he had been before, getting all of his anger out through crafts apparently. It was a nice sight, to see his son so happy again.

“We’ll see what we can dig up in the thrift store, shall we?” Damien asked his son who nodded eagerly.

“Can we also like send some stuff to his kid? More music?” Lucien asked. “As a thank you, right?” Damien blinked in surprise before he nodded, grinning.

“Why, I think we shall.”

-0-

PandaFather,

I am glad you have decided to seek out more therapy. I hope it will do you well. I am also pleased your daughter enjoys the music I sent her, though I understand the frustration of the same song being played over and over again. My son particularly enjoys doing that.

My son expresses his thanks for the new project idea you have sent him as well. He’s very eager to start it up. I feel you have created a monster, though I believe it’s better then him picking fights every few days with kids in his school.

Here is a few links to some more music sheets for your daughter, as a thank you from my son.

-GothDad123

“You and this guy are talking a lot, huh dad,” Amanda said, watching her father read whatever it was that was on his phone.

“More or less kiddo.” M.C. agreed. “He’s helping- and he’s sent more music for you so…” Amanda pumped her fist in glee.

“Sweet. But dad, what do you know about him? I mean, you’re kinda friends right?” Amanda asked. M.C. blinked.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… like I get you need help and stuff, but like you told me friendship was a two-way street and that all parties need to communicate so…” Amanda trailed off as M.C. frowned.

Well… she wasn’t wrong.

“I… huh. I think you might be right kiddo. I’ll ask him a few questions about himself, how bout?”

“Sounds good to me pops.”

-0-

GothDad123,

Panda has been playing her new songs over and over again but there’s more then one so yay. It’s nice to hear. I still haven’t gone to meet my therapist yet but she is willing to skype our sessions so I don’t need to drive two hours out one a week.

I realize now I’ve been kind of a bad corresponder. I haven’t asked you anything about yourself, though I do know you do have a fascination with death. So… what are your favorite things? Do you have a favorite band? Have you ever been married?

My daughter wishes to ask if you or your son enjoy strawberry ice cream.

Here is a few more links for your son.

-PandaFather

Damien looked over the projects sent over, deciding to keep two to himself until Lucien was a bit older. The other two- a bookshelf made out of a ladder, plywood and crates and a table made out of similar material- were easy enough for a ten-year-old to do.

He was more surprised by the questions about himself. He hadn’t expected that. Most of the time, people tended to focus on themselves more then they focused on others. And with PandaFather so recently having experienced a great loss… he felt it odd that the man would reach out more, but well, people deal with loss in different ways.

Humming, Damien considered the questions. He didn’t want to lie to PandaFather but he was also uncertain of what he should tell him. He didn’t want to push that far… but he didn’t want to hide who he was.

What should he write?

-0-

PandaFather,

I’m glad your daughter enjoys her new music, and that you are able to meet your therapist in a way that is more convenient for yourself.

As for your questions, well, I enjoy gardening, animals and the Victorian Era is very much a pleasured area of study as you must have observed from my penname. I very much embrace the goth lifestyle and deeply enjoy the various attributes of it. I listen to a range of goth music, though my favorite music tends to be classical violin music or piano music. It’s a lovely set.

I have never been married no. My son was the result of a one night stand, though he has never been a mistake. I have had a variety of relationships but none that have stuck around long enough for marriage to be in the cards.

My son and I do in fact enjoy strawberry ice cream. The both of us are vegetarian though not vegan and ice cream is very much a pleasured treat.

Thank you again for the projects, here is a few more songs she may enjoy.

-GothDad123

M.C. tapped his fingers as he waited for his therapist to appear on screen, feeling nervous and worried. Unbidden his father’s words of men needing therapy being sissies and weaklings came to mind though he shoved them right out of said mind.

He was not going to go down that road, thank you.

When the screen flicked on, he made a mental note to reply to GD as soon as he could. Maybe it would help.

So… ages.

Amanda is thirteen. Lucien is ten. I’m putting MC and Damien at like 36 for MC and maybe 34 for Damien?

Also- when I was eight I was helping my dad put up fences and build stuff. As long as it’s proper supervision, it’s fine. Damien might let Lucien do like painting and stuff by himself but the heavy stuff no.

 Hope you all enjoyed this!