#and yknow all the associations that go into that. would probably end up being half a factive of the ex i think

[nil-the-glitch]

might make a bad decision soon ahaha-

[argentsunshine]

Howwdyyy i just discovered the p5 tma au and it’s living in my head rent free

i was wondering if there was any chance i could hear more about the other thieves and what entities they might be connected to (if any)? I’m lowkey obsessed with the concept of avatars in general and what pushes a person towards becoming one. narratively rich stuff yknow

Also you’re right Mementos should be meat.

ok so

akira: yes ik it's obvious that he's hunt but i feel i should add that if i were assigning him an entity in a vacuum I'd probably pick stranger. he's hunt here because i was thinking about how a person like akira - a person who can't stand idly by and watch people be hurt, no matter how it ends up hurting him - in a universe that very much does not reward heroism

ryuji: see above, though i think most people would have no issue with assigning ryuji hunt just because

ann: slaughter, partly for purely aesthetic reasons, partly because her going after kamoshida is so much more of a "violence in response to violence" thing than the guys. if you try and tell me ann is desolation that is how you hear all my thoughts on the desolation

yusuke: so part of my gripe with a lot of tma aus is they make everyone an avatar (and then half the time don't even acknowledge that becoming an avatar almost invariably involves hurting a lot of people.) i originally had yusuke as kind of vast aligned, but not a full avatar. don't know if I'd still commit to that, it's not the deepest choice (the vast being kinda associated with art and well. me getting overly philosophical about the beauty of the infinite expanses that surround us may have contributed.)

makoto: eye. i don't think i have to explain this

futaba: see above. i think she'd get real fucked up by the buried tho

haru: lonely-ish, but probably the furthest from avatar-hood.

sumire: stranger, but theres other stuff going on with her because. maruki

akechi: just because the web gave him eldritch powers doesn't mean she likes him

[rotshop]

help girl i just woke up and im already thinking abt mag s/o again. anyway please consider ;

[ tw body horror, some brief light gore and violence ]

[ note ; reader is SLIGHTLY described. the only thing mentioned is that they have a noticeable, identifying scar on their face

hank + mag s/o

-he knew you even before the boombox incident. he doesn't even really remember how you two first met, he just remembers that you started talking to him and then just kinda kept coming back. at first he wasn't the biggest fan of you since he was 'doing just fine on his own,' but...he admittedly was already really attached to you. they've never been much of a talker and that's especially noticeable to you at that point in time but ,,, they respond enough with signing, nodding / shaking their head, or the occasional speaking that you're able to carry some conversations pretty well.

-he doesn't really. have. a lot of people in his life. you're really his only real close friend, it's kinda hard for him to fully wrap his head around it so !! they chose not to, instead focusing more-so on whatever it was you were rambling to them about that day.

-not super sure of where to put this lmao but ummm ehe . he's actually surprisingly touchy with you????? like. you've hung out at his house a few times and he just like. you'll start out sitting next to each other and you'll end up either laying with your head on their chest or vice versa . its . a little funny . you tease him about it a little and he just flicks your shoulder. also traces your scar a lot if you'll let them, they're not entirely sure why they do it, they just . like asking you about it occasionally.

-also you have scary dog privileges. they might look like any other grunt at that point but they're still tall as fuck and idk man !! something abt getting a blank stare from someone who towers over u would probably make u shut up and mind ur own damn business.

-again, he's not super good at fully recognizing / acknowledging certain thoughts and feelings of his but . yknow. he can definitely tell he at least worries about you a lot more than he would some other grunt he just met. he can definitely tell there's a reason he doesn't mind you touching him, whether by grabbing his hand to go show him something or just placing a hand on his shoulder or arm (most likely arm, again. hes tall. ). they can definitely tell there's a reason that they find themself genuinely enjoying your interactions.

-after the park thing you don't see them for a long time. everytime you try and call him the lines dead, everytime you try and ask others about him you just get choice words, all in all you're pretty much lost on the entire thing. sure, you know what happened but . it just never sits right with you. it doesn't help whenever people ask questions about them or give you wary looks because of your association, half steps back when you take one forward.

-anyway. yeah nevada goes to shit and you get magnified for the aahw. by now you just. don't really talk about hank. surprisingly, you have a little more of your old memories than the average mag !! congrats. problem is they're all foggy enough that you only really distantly decipher them. lmao. you aren't super high on the ladder but you're a pretty tough mag to beat. you're well known enough that other mags tend to hang around you when there's not much else going on. v2 mags especially think it's fun to mess around with you by jumping on your back or otherwise clinging onto you . idk man u've got like . a little family here .

-at one point or another there's an outing youre on that ends up going wrong. you get split up from the rest of your unit and are forced to hide out in some old abandoned building while you wait for backup. you're a little too injured to try and walk all the way back, a heavy gash on your side preventing you from doing too much in the moment. when you hear heavy steps on concrete you're able to give some sort of noise of relief, turning your head to look over your shoulder at whichever agent in your group had finally found you-

-you're instead met with red goggles and the end of a gun.

-any kind of relief is snatched away, you know damn well who it is by just the bit you can see in the dark alone. even standing in the shade between two windows (one of which you were sitting by, probably how they seen you in the first place- if that's the case though, it's a little weird they hadn't just shot at you through it.) you knew it was him. you're already stumblingly forcing yourself up to as much of your full height as you can manage, taking some kind of defensive position even as one of your hands ghosts over your gash. the throbbing pain of it and the feeling of blood sticking and running down your skin is enough that you can't seem to focus on the fact that he won't stop staring at your face.

-it doesn't take long before your legs seem to fail you, forcing you forward a bit as you kneel in some sort of attempt to keep upright. you're too busy hissing under your breath and screwing your eyes shut in pain as your hand covers your side to notice your company stepping forwards. you're snapped back to attention when there's a hand on your face, fingertips digging into your skin as they yank your head down a little further. you know you should be grabbing him, that you should be digging your claws into his torso and ripping him clean in half, throwing whatevers left aside and leaving. you know thats what you were told to do, what you were told they deserved anyway. yet, you aren't. instead, you're just giving some warning growl as you stare at them. you notice how the end of the gun is pointed away from you, how their touch seems to outline the mark on your face.

-"If you try and hurt me, I'll kill you." That's the only real heads up you get before he's crouching down and shoving your hand out of the way, grabbing something from his pocket to get to work on you. you don't fail to notice how little attention they're paying to you (aside from the focus on your wound, of course), that you could just rush forward and slam them into the ground if you really wanted.

-ok im skippin g ahead bc this is already way too goddamn long for hcs DEJWJCS

-anyway. it's a complicated relationship for a while. the others tend to avoid you a little but he just keeps showing up around you. they keep staring at you and just hanging around in your general area. it's not that much of an irritant if you ignore all the weird emotions and thoughts it keeps bringing to the forefront of your mind, forcing you to once again try and meddle with your memories.

-eventually he just starts walking over to you and sitting down next to you. sometimes he doesn't say anything at all, just sitting there and seeming to wait for one thing another- he never seems to find whatever that is, as he always gets up and leaves without a word at some point or another. then they start talking, its just little things at first, point-blank statements you can't say much on. sometimes they're just saying they and the other three will be gone for a bit othertimes it's some half-demand to let them look at the stitches they did on you (semi-related, he's not good at them. the stitches are pretty rough. at one point or another sanford has to redo them properly lmao)

-but then there's one particular night. they do the normal thing, come over, sit down next to you, not say a word. this time though you note how they're facing you. instead of some reminder or a demand for anything, he's pulling his ask down and asking a simple question. 'What do you remember?'

-it's a long conversation. he's talking more than he normally would by a long shot, occasionally stopping whenever his words seem to especially fail him and get stuck in his throat. you don't even really remember moving around, or even him pulling you in any way, you just know you somehow end up laying next to him with your head on his chest.

-whenever the memories do seem to click into place, it's hard. you have a lot of choice words for them yourself, months of being left alone without a word bubbling up with a vengeance, they listen to them. while some mags (such as yourself) do have the ability to speak, the san and dei don't think they've ever heard one with that much emotion in their voice. they've especially never seen a mag just break down like you do, they're both tensing up a little from their far away spot when hank's walking closer to you. instead of you lashing out or swiping at him though, you just sit there while he wraps his arms around you (as best as he can at least, it's a little difficult but he's able to get them around your neck and reach his other hand behind you well enough). you're eventually doing the same to him, though it's more so just your hands resting on their back.

-it takes a good while for proper trust to be rebuilt along with an honest, proper explanation from hank that only you're privy to. eventually though, there's enough trust that you're able to hang around him again without narrowly avoiding an argument or anything. they don't like being super affectionate or 'vulnerable' in front of the other two, so most times they prefer being in your or their room. also they're still touchy lmao, doesn't help that you're mag sized now and so they just want to hold you . its hard to explain, he's never been super affected by others heights and even when he is it's usually a negative thing for him but . for some reason . he just likes being shorter / smaller than you lol ,,,,,,,, hope you like holding them a lot bc that's what you're gonna be doing

-holy shit these are long so . i think .i am going to stop here.

[aeternallis]

Sesshoumaru’s Motivations in Yashahime  // a rant

As much as I want Inuyasha to be vindicated for all those years that Sesshoumaru treated him as less than for being a half demon, even going so far as to mock him when he supposedly “brought” Izayoi back to life, I don’t think it’s something we’ll ever see in Yashahime.

Falling in love with Rin and having half-demon children with her, it was never something that he would have in any way associated with his brother, yknow? To Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha was just the result of what he’d considered a weakness that belonged to his father, especially because it had also resulted in Toga’s death. Toga died protecting Inuyasha and his mother, and for someone like Sesshoumaru who had been so beholden to his father’s strength and prestige for so long, this was most likely an unforgivable act in his eyes for a long time.

It was always Sesshoumaru’s earnest desire to defeat his father in battle (according to the 3rd movie anyway), and in some twisted form or another, Inuyasha’s very existence had beaten him to it, without even the latter really knowing. Alas, probably another brand of salt to rub against the wound, besides everything else Toga had given to Inuyasha, but not to his older son. :’)

If anything, I think Sesshoumaru sees his relationship with Rin as something associated with his father more than anything else. 🤔 Related to his father in the way that he “fell” for the same weakness, in that he’d followed his father’s footsteps.

Most probable his mindset is somewhere along the lines of, “You died whilst protecting your human wife. I refuse to make the same mistake; I will make sure to protect mine and continue living my life with her.”

Thinking about it like that, it’s not all that much a surprise then that Sesshoumaru is so careful about his movements that he rarely makes an appearance in Yashahime, because we’re seeing it mainly through Towa’s POV. :’D 

I’m not saying that he’s only protecting Rin as a way to defeat his father, but more along the lines that he refuses to fall in the same way.

He wants to live his life with Rin, there’s no doubt about that, however short that may inevitably be. If he didn’t, why else would he be going so far as to protect her and keep her locked up and in continuous stasis? He’s so overprotective, because he feels he has no choice: Rin is one of the few people whom he can no longer resurrect with Tenseiga, after all. Once she dies, that’s it. 

If he wants to live with her once more, then he can’t afford to make the fatal mistake his father had done by leaving Izayoi out and vulnerable in the open. Is it kinda toxic and a bit possessive of Sesshoumaru to keep Rin like that, if indeed it was him who sealed her inside the tree? On the other end, is it cruel of him not to try and get her out of the tree, if it was either Zero or Kirinmaru who locked her away? To both scenarios, of course it is, I don’t deny it. 

But if you were to look beyond the superficial differences when compared with Inuyasha, they’re pretty much similar in how they care for their loved ones: they try to hide it. Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha only have a few people they love and care for, but they’re intensely protective of those few; such is the nature of dogs. XD  

In episode 14, Riku states, “How utterly absurd. Nothing good ever comes from loving a human being. Not for the Great Dog Demon, nor for Sesshoumaru. Only destruction.” 

I’d be willing to make a wager that more than anyone in the show, Sesshoumaru has the motivation to prove him wrong. 

[firebuug]

ok here’s this. pokemon au ramble. because this week has just been me loving my ocs but bass boosted. under the cut!! this post will be REALLY long mainly because of the teams sorry!

pokemon au is pure bc no deaths or rlly bad things happen

buggy is a trainer who went on the pokemon journey for fun and as a coming-of-age kinda thing(also because he may or may not have burnt his house down with a litwick), but kinda stopped getting gym badges half way and decided to settle down and just take the road casually. he settled down with apoccy and they both run a little pokemon sanctuary and care for pokemon that aren’t able to go back to the wild or have some little quirk (for example a litwick that cant keep itself lit easily). he likes battling for fun rather than for glory, and when his rival (farrow, obvs) was like “ha im gonna beat u and become the champion and ur not” he was like “i mean ok have fun!” which makes farrow pissed. he’s a guy who really cares about pokemon’s feelings and basically got back into action from pokemon santuary-ing and fought against the coven (the bad guy team) to stop them from hurting anyone.

team: 

- Ari (talonflame) (he flies around on her!)

- Lulu (chandelure) (his absolute baby and child)

- Fluffy (ampharos) (he named it fluffy when it was a mareep but then it evolved a bit and it wasnt fluffy anymore. its name is still fluffy tho)

- Big Boy (pelipper) (he’s a big ocean enthusiast but can’t swim and is a bit afraid of the water, so he uses pelipper to navigate over it and help him fish)

- Ellis (sylveon) (he wanted him to be a flareon but he loved them a lot and he ended up becoming a sylveon but buggy still loves him 100%)

- Musha (musharna) (musha helps him go to sleep easier and stay awake better as well, it’s basically his service pokemon ahghjhdjkf. she’s usually floating by his side!)

i think mendel would be a pokemon professor bc he studies pokemon. how he was even trusted enough to hand out pokemon to small children is a mystery, but gene takes care of most of the friendly stuff with handing u ur pokemon and stuff, mendel just does the research. later on it’s revealed that mendel is part of the region’s bad guy group, the coven! (>:3cc) their goal is to fuse multiple powerful pokemon together into the perfect pokemon that is able to beat everything and everyone else, in a combination of every type in existence. (Idk if this is the plot of any game bc i dont remember the plot of any game past pokemon b/w honestly) eventually the protag gets them to not fucking destroy everything and befriend the big boy pokemon (juggy, but like pokemon) and the coven disbands their group and just live life as normal people not criminals bc pokemon verse is best verse

team: - Juggy (sivally) (idk shit about sivally or the sumo plot but it looks like a fusion pokemon and its cute so like um there we go ig. in the actual au itd probably be a completely new pokemon but im lazy)

- Cofagrigus (obvious reasons. if i didnt want to keep this au pure i wouldve mentioned he still grave digs)

-Mimikyu (shut up its cute)

- Flabebe (flowere) (”oh what a pretty flower, it will be great to work on. oh no its a pokemon. guess its my child now”)

- Arbok (its a snake he loves snakes he gives it little pats on the head and rattatas)

- Claydol (it has a ton of red eyes and its black and red what more do you want from him. also he thinks it is cool and its psychic so like hhuiionnghgh yeah)

gene is a pokemon docdor (he heals those boys up for you and takes care of them) and helps mendel out in research since they both share an interest in researching pokemon!!! he doesn’t know that hes part of the bad guy team that snatches up pokemon and doesn’t question any weird things he decides to research about until like the end. he’s really nice and’ll probably catch up to you along your journey just to see how you’re doing, check up on you, and give you cool stuff like the master ball n stuff. he has a big greenhouse where he grows berries and’ll give you some as gifts along the way. he battles you occasionally to see how strong you’ve gotten and’ll heal your pokemon when your done, giving you tips. he likes hanging out around forests and little garden areas.

team:

- Serperior (long boi. good noodle boi.)

- Comfey (C O M F E Y flowere boi) 

- I lost my old gene team im so sad so i dont remember any of it

- Bitty (budew) (BABY BOY BABY! he loves them sm) (it evolves into roserade later on but shhhshhh baby budew)

- Swanna (pretty birb!!) (helps him water the plants in the greenhouse!!)

- Ana (unfezant) (HE NEEDS ANA OK)

- Audino (mega) (he needs that healy pokemon it’s essential) (theyre his little helper)

farrow is the stereotypical rival guy tbh. with buggy he was like “im gonna be better than u” and buggy was like “stop bullying me” but then just “ok” so he got bored. with skuggy it was more competitive, and they even battled each other right at the victory road’s entrance to see who was better, but they never got to complete the elite 4 trial since the coven juggy shit happened and they basically had to team up temporarily to stop these guys. when all of that was done farrow got back to challenging the elite four and trying to become champion, but he’s still struggling and is trying to train his team to become better while skuggy went “eh i’m done that was fun tho” and gave up. farrow hates being seen as weak and wants to have the strongest team, but he still loves his pokemon even if he pushes them near the limit sometimes while all focused up on winning.

team:

- Ally (linoone) (theres no possum pokemon and im mad but he likes ferrets too so) (or uh. long raccoon?) (either way he loves ally and she’s kind of a tank)

- Mittens (incineroar) (this was his starter, somehow, since he took the traditional trainer coming-of-age path and went to become the best.) (he loves his cat even if it did become....bipedal and buff??????) (They share the same big ego and victory flexing) (he rides on mittens’s shoulders sometimes or mittens carries him with arms in the air like a king)

- Rogue (liepard) (cate!!) (also it really fits him!!!) (he loves his thief cat and steals everyone’s items with it and makes them mad) (skuggy has cursed this cat out for stealing all his pokemon’s items at least twice before while both her and farrow looked on grinning smugly)

- Jasper (noivern) (i associate farrow with bats a lot, i think he likes bats now) (big fuckig boy who farrow flies on and farrow really likes battling with) (when farrow is out travelling and is tired and it’s late but he can’t find anywhere to stay, jasper shields him and makes whats basically a mini tent with his wings around him)

- Doggo (houndoom) (Farrow named him doggo as a joke but it stuck) (Fire dog with evil aesthetic! Farrow loves this) (He’s a good dog and farrow pats him for doing good work. he sniffs out berries and items for him on the road and is like his guard dog.)

- Snippy (gliscor) (another bat babey) (i might change it but idk) (it’s a sneakey boy) (he is also a tank and poisons everyone’s pokemon) (farrow accidentally gets stung by him like twice a week)

skuggy is a trainer who set out on the pokemon journey as a means to get out of his shitty house and family, collecting pokemon to help defend himself, but ended up really loving pokemon (especially bug types) and trying to take on a few gyms while he was at it. eventually he met farrow and it became kind of like a little race to see who can get the most gym badges first, giving him a motivation to travel the region and take on the elite 4. after the juggy fiasco he got a bit tired of fighting and decided he valued his pokemon a lot since they defended him and helped him fight back so he said “yknow what im gonna take a break from our race thing, im just gonna find somewhere to finally stay and chil out” while farrow was shaking the elite four’s door like “LET ME IIIIIN”. he’s kinda chill now and is thinking about going back and trying to fight the 4 someday, but for now he’s just a guy who catches bugs. he and gene hang out sometimes and go into forests n stuff. he’s still a butcher in this world ig. mans gotta make some money

team:

- Clove (scolipede) (his first pokemon, he caught it and went with it, but got really attached really fast) (she is his baby and he made it so far with her by his side and is really proud of both clove and himself for getting this far) 

- Big Tony (armaldo) (he found a fossil pokemon and kept it since it’s rock type and can help ward off fire types, which is a big weakness of his team, but he ended up loving big tony too. i know theyre supposed to be like 4 foot 9 but please imagine big tony as a BIG boy that skuggy can ride on its shoulders and back to get around.)

- Babie (ribombee) (he caught this thing and said “this is the cutest shit i’ve ever seen.” went on to destroy dragon types and be the best bee ever.) (actually it’s pretty weak but skuggy believes in them)

- Toaster (heracross) (heracross was too cute for skuggy NOT to catch. it’s the powerhouse. this boy rips thru pokemon likes it’s nothing. unless it’s a fire or flying type. then it dies.) (it likes to f i t e and shares skuggy’s quick temper, because u know what they say, like pokemon like trainer)

- Big old boy (stoutland) (this was also one of the first pokemon he’s ever caught and it was really strong, defended him well and was kind of like the tank of the team, so he kept it. he likes sleeping on its back, and sometimes it has to remember it isn’t a tiny dog anymore because it tries to jump at skuggy to greet him and he gets fucking smashed.) (hes a very good boy, he’s very fluffy, and skuggy loves him so much and owes him his life)

- Jeff (swadloon) (skuggy loves his emo-looking son.) (ever since he beat depression in the dick he just cant help but see himself in swadloon) (but swadloon is happy, just very comfy and grumpy) (swadloon loves skuggy and skuggy loves swadloon) (i mean just look at him) (it’s perfect for skuggy)

okay i’m done here there’s obviously more people but this post is getting alarmingly long and i still need to make their teams. if u read this entire thing u deserve 20 cat images and more jesus christ u madman !!!!!!

[isaacathom]

ok deakin uni are we 100% sure we want this fuckers name on our university like i know we were all racist in the 20s but uhhhhhhhhh like im Just saying

more rambling about prime ministers in the service of wooorldbuillding???? (????) under the cut

WAIT DEAKIN IS ONLY 50- GUYS. WHAT. WHY. THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN KNOWN INFO. WHY DID WE NAME THE UNIVERSITY AFTER HIM. bro. Bro. Bros? Lads? Dudes? My fellas? what the fuck were you doing naming a university in 1974 after a pm who was Big Boy behind white australia my fucking God. what the fuck. Yall? The fuck. Why. ok when i name this fake fucking university in ACitDS (the uni isnt actually located in UWG though) im naming it for a fucking good prime minister. which might be hard but im gonna try my best to find someone whose at least DECENT. like.... my first thought in menzies but god i would hate to go to a school named for him bc the amount of bullshit that would come from pronouncing his name the scottish way would drive me Fucking Insane. Mingies. Im not going to a school named mingers, yall. 

uhh lets find a pm. god seeing scomos face startles me everytime. im just hoping shorten has a nice photo lined up. was watson decent. ‘first socialist or social democratic government’ alright im down for this. he was only leader for 4 months but its a precedent thing. he seems like a cool dude. fisher is also cool. can you tell im picking labor prime ministers yet? one issue - he’s from ql. and watson was from nsw. fuckers. wheres a good vic pm who isnt taken (im think curtin was victorian, dont quote me on that). im not counting hughes, if hes even a vic. nope, new south, dammit. mother fuckers. SCULLIN WAS FROM VICTORIA, ok we’re fucking getting somewhere now. alright. wait what am i doing it Says their electorate in the main p- fuck me ok. ok. alright.

jesus hughes what the Fuck

anyway uhh most of the vic guys are kinda eeehhhh so im down for Scullin i guess. Scullin University, lmao. ALSO

FUCKING DAMMIT CURTIN

but i guess scullin university, then? if we wanna keep it at least vaguely associated. he was a labor guy rather than a... uh......liiiberal? i guess. so theres that. but id rather have it be like.... a good guy. not that it really matters in the scheme of things because the hypothetical Scullin University (located in fucking, i dont know, Norwood Melbourne, eat my ass) isn’t actually like. a real presence for ACitDS? like im considering that there MIGHT be a joiner there (have Thomas really get around, though it all ultimately comes home) but having any part of the game take place as Scullin seems weird bc it implies its during the trimester. and its during the trimester, Thomas really cant justify doing all this Absolute Fucking Nonsense. I believe in the dream it was actually the end of trimester 1, with the game starting basically on their last day. which means they were born in may, since their birthday was riiiight before. that doesnt preclude any of the game taking place at or adjacent to Scullin, because there is the whole month of break b/w tris 1 and 2 and since Thomas is an art student they probably have to go pick up their folios which gives them an excuse t be in the area. but at the same time i dont know where a joiner would be (well, i Do, sort of) and it raises bigger timeframe risks in terms of the time of day. like... thomas has to get home. and trust me mother fuckers, if thomas was in the hole too long that is a fuck of a trip home. the tram runs till late. the uhhhhh 732 runs....  hmm. lemme check hold on homies... ok thomas is fine for getting to like, Knox City (Kent City? whatever) but its getting HOME thats the stickler. god the new ptv site is trash on desktop, i cant see SHIT. maps are nice but i wanna actually like.... see the options im being given. bitch. ok put it this way. if thomas leaves at 8pm, theyre fine. sort of. having to get a tram and 3 buses home isnt ideal by any stretch but its doable. if thomas leaves at 9pm, theyre fucked. you cant get home. theyd basically have to walk the whole fucking way from deakin to vermont south. sorry, Scullion to whatever South. good luck! 

like. good fucking luck thomas. its an hour to walk to the 732 at that time of night so if you miss that tram youre fucked. even if thomas makes it to vermont south, apparently theres basically jack shit between 9pm and 5am soooo good luck.

its not necessarily a huge issue because it could always work on narnia logic. but im not super into the idea of having it be very dilated. plus, idk, maaaybe thomas lives near a train station. i dont think they do. because i know i dont. but yknow. hypothetically. well ok theres a bunch of services between vermont and knox in the Dark Hours but then they have to get home. its like an hour walk. after fighting demons and angels thomas is gonna be fucking knackered. absolutely not walking for an hour to get home. theyd be more likely to crash at a friends place on Res at Scullion. i dont even know if youre allowed to do that. one sec. well, technically, but if its between semesters???? eh. idk. be a Lillllll funky on that front. idk. i do really like the idea of having one of the ‘day’ transitions being thomas half asleep on a bus/tram/train, though. so we could easily just handwave it and say that they live close enough to a station or transport hub that its essentially accessible at awkward hours of the night. plus its like, if the day starts in the morning, it being late evening for that seems fair. well, late evening as in like..... 8pm or smth. since thats a fair enough time to my mind. 12 hours all up, maybe?

idk. i think this baaasically works. Thomas [SUR. NAME] lives in Upper Wattle Gully in the south eastern suburbs, and attends Scullion University in Norwood. anyone who lives out my way know immediately what all of that means. ;)

[apertures-angel-archive]

🌧,🐱, and 💕!

hii thank you !!!

🌧: How do you two cheer each other up on a bad day? we simply spend time together a bit closer than usual! gentle reminders to vent if needed and that we care for each other even through the bad days, bc lord knows we both need to be reminded of these things

🐱: If you and your f/o were animals, who would be what? i would be a cat probably, and she would be a deer. she has only four voicelines mentioning deer and yet i associate them with her more than crows

💕: Who confessed first? currently in the main story she does! . yknow what i'll . describe it in sort of detail under the cut. i am embarrassed about my writing and imagination and things being ooc but i want to ramble 👉👈 sorry it's a bit long lol

so for context in the main story i eventually end up living with her before any confessions happen, despite us having feelings at each other for a long time (that's half the reason why i wanted to stay and why she agreed to me living there with her. also she'd never admit it but it was love at first sight for her x3c).

because we both feel like me being cooped up in the facility would be bad for me she lets me go out and about when i want! however, i am friends with ch.ell, so i hang out with her a lot when i'm out (she's basically my only friend on the surface (at least before my ocs enter the mix and i hang out with my brother gale too) so). gl.a.d0.s knows this and is actually ok with it, in fact she's glad that i'm not alone when i'm out there! but she still feels jealous and is worried that i'm in love with ch.ell. because of this, one day she was a bit sour? at me when i was about to go out. a little argument happens and i'm like "WHY is it suddenly such a big deal to you that i'm hanging out with her?" and then she blurts out "because i'm in love with you, ok!" (see what happens when you close off your emotions to everyone?)

ch.ell calls me to remind me about the hangout but i cancel bc "something important came up", and to not worry bc it's a good thing, and i stay with gl.a.d0.s that day. gl.a.d0.s then admits that she's jealous because she thinks i love ch.ell which. -motions at the p0.rtal games-. wouldn't be fun for her i think. she also admits that she feels very lonely when i'm not around. i then assure her that i'm not in love with ch.ell, she is indeed just a friend. i assure her it's ok to feel the way she feels. and i then finally confess my feelings to her as well. we essentially are stuck together like glue for the rest of that day SDFJHG

and i should mention on ch.ell's side, when i tell her abt me and gl.a.d0.s she was at first uneasy, but there are other events in the story where ch.ell has seen genuine improvement in gl.a.d0.s' behavior (u could even argue she saw this IN p2 as well -motions @ the end-) and is even like "maybe we can make amends and become friends and maybe now it'll be easier actually !". and y'all know what i think gl.a.d0.s did to ch.ell is. terrible to say the least. and i make sure she owns up to it! in the end me and gl.a.d0.s are in love. gl.a.d0.s and ch.ell are friends, and it's all happy :]!

this is also what leads to her resuming development on her bipedal chassis so she could go to the surface with me sometimes, AND is also what inspired me to get a plushie for her the very next time i hung out w ch.ell n my brother (which was actually the next day!), bc my brother pointed at a plushie and was like "ey this reminds me of you!" and i was like "you're right... hmm..." and then i bought it for gl.a.d0.s... so that she maybe wouldn't feel as alone when i'm out. DSFJHKG...

[whale-shark-queen]

You mentioned fucked up weird AUs in your one post? I'm interested. Tell me about your favourite one(s)!!

AAAaaaah thank you so much!!

Uhhhhhhh heck most of them involve N turning into some horrible Thing because he’s the Estranged Outsider with a Connection to the Bad Guys Even If It’s Not Willingly (yknow like how Eren from snk is a titan shifter or Rin from blue exorcist is part demon) and all of them involve vuvuzelashipping (Nxall the Nuvema lot) I don’t really have a single favourite but I’ll summarize the ones I like most (also note that some of them are good dad Ghetsis/Dadsis aus because u gotta balance out the angst somehow plus dadsis aus are Cool)

Under the cut because I literally can’t summarise for shit and I’m sure no one wants to scroll past 3 pages worth of this (mobile users I apologise since the app is SHIT and refuses to even acknowledge these) 

Also here’s a bit of an index so u can skip to ones that sound interesting instead of going through them all but first u should ask nationalharmonica about her aus bc I love all of hers and they’re awesome and need more love and she also helped with alot of these aus too!! ESPECIALLY the Dragonflower au which I won’t include here because I think she has it on her blog somewhere already.  If ur wondering why I haven’t posted any of these it’s because a) i have neither the skill, time or patience to draw up proper references for all of the characters involved and b) I’m always worried theyll seem too Out There for some people but here we go au masterpost i guess, if anyone reading would like more info feel free to ask!!!

Bacterial Contamination inspired au aka bacterial pestileNce

BotW au

Ib au

PMMM au (the longest one)

Plasma/Aether swapover, N wins+UB monochromeshipping au

Simple fNaf dadsis au

sister locatioN dicksis au (yes I have two for that because I only found out about the secret springtrap cutscene at the end of SL that changes everything the other day)

Nombie (dadsis) au

isolatioN au- Au based on the song Bacterial Contamination.  N goes to the snobbiest most pretentious school you can imagine only because his ex mafia boss dad wants the best for him.  N hides the fact he’s being relentlessly bullied until a teacher phones Ghetsis up asking why N is in such a state whenever he comes into school (BC bruises and cuts and looking roughed up in general).  N goes to therapy and gets meds but surprise they’re an experimental drug and he’s a bug boy now

- BotW au where Touya is Link, Cheren as Revali, Bianca is Mipha and Touko is Zelda.  Ghetsis (who is kinda like Demise if he hung around to make sure his curse worked) is the king of a neighboring region who’s a bit of a warmongering asshole but his son N is friends with princess Touko and her…ahem, associates, which is the only reason Touko’s dad stays civil with him at all.  He uses this to his advantage and infects N with the Malice and reveals his plan to take over Unova, knowing fine well that N would run away to Touko for help.  The truth is he’d set up N to be a ticking time bomb and eventually he becomes the Calamity.  After the whole ~100 year coma and releasing the divine beasts~ thing Touya only remembers who N is after killing him but dw there’s a blood moon just as Touko is sealing the Malice away and N’s freed spirit is brought back to become a friendly giant fluffy spider boy just because I said so

- Ib au with N as Mary (obv Ghetsis is Guertena) except instead of going crazy and trying to kill everyone and being burned up and dying himself the toutous make him sit in the frame while they drag it out of the portal to the real world: problem solved.  I have all this stuff about the others being able to step into his frame but he can’t leave unless someone else draws him so he can possess the drawing but I won’t go into it here BC this post is gonna be long enough already

-Okay I have two madoka aus because possibilities for N are Ndless but I’ve only really developed the dicksis version whereas I only have a witch design for a possible dadsis version so here’s the dicksis one.  The first: Ghetsis is kinda like Walpurgisnacht and N was originally a familiar that represented Ghetsis’ interest being only in things that directly oppose him who was becoming powerful enough to become a witch of his own.  Not wanting him to have even a fraction of power himself Ghetsis transformed him into a human shape, gave him sentience and intelligence and as close to a pure heart as possible so he would be easier to manipulate and led him to believe that magical girls/boys hunt down innocent witches for fun and have witches trapped in their soul gems and tasks N with stealing people’s soul gems to ‘free the witch inside’.  The problem is that the alteration gave N the mindset of ‘innocents who aren’t involved must be protected at all costs’ rather than Ghetsis’ mindset of ‘don’t give a fuck about anyone unless they’re a problem’.  N is also sent to integrate into human society so that he can find magical peepos easier so he ends up coincidentally going to school with the Nuvema kiddos.  He ends up becoming friends with them until he finds out Cheren and Bianca are magicas (I’m just gonna call them that for simplicity) but even though the toutous arent magicas they still support them which is all very upsetting and conflicting for N but he tries his best to protect the witches and steal more soul gems until the others eventually call him out on it and prove to him that the shit Ghetsis told him is bull.  When he goes to confront him about it it’s too late, Ghetsis has absorbed enough witches to become a Walpurgisnacht-like entity, and finally allows N to become a witch.  I’ll link the drawings I’ve done of him but basically his labyrinth would be like a puppet theater and even tho hes the witch he’d have this fuckin giant messed up ghetsis-lookin puppet master familiar who pulls at his strings and coordinates his attacks.  There’d be an audience of masked figures that look like all the magicas he’s caused the deaths of, tiny animals with scissors to represent his wish for freedom and also his fear of his ‘father’ since they never actually get to cut the strings holding him up, and figures that look a heck of a lot like the nuvema kiddos watching in a balcony.  This is all tied into a theory I came up with that almost all the witches are able to be saved since yknow how Homura had that figure of Madoka locked away and Madoka was able to bring her back, and how Sayaka had the violin guy and Charlotte had that doll that probably represents her dead mother? My guess is that if the people those figures represent are brought to the witch and reach out to them the magical girl inside would be able to be freed.  But yeah since N was never really a human the Nuvema kiddos can only really save a fraction of his conscious and he ends up like Bebe.  They all beat the shit out of Ghetsis and everyone lives happily ever after with their pocket witch bf

- the au where 1) plasma and aether are sort of swapped around and 2) N beats the toutous in the final battle.  This is actually based on nationalharmonica’s courtesaN au which is awesome BTW (but it doesn’t involve actual courtesans or N being a courtesan at all but its Sarah’s au so if you’re interested you should totally ask her about it).  Ghetsis keeps Touko and Touya prisoner and just to rub it in their faces blackmails Cheren and Bianca into joining and doing sciency experiment shit which ends up with Touko and Touya becoming UB fusions/hybrids themselves; Touya with Kartana and Touko with Celesteela.  Ofc in the later stages they are able to destroy their place of confinement and escape with Cheren and Bianca to find N who becomes understandably fucked off and upset that his friends have been put through all this shit but begs them not  to kill Ghetsis so he can ask what’s going on.  When he does Ghetsis stabs him with a syringe full of UB fusion shit because he knows fine well hes gonna die he just wanted a final ‘fuck you’ before he is killed by both fire and paper cuts.  Surprise! It’s a Guzzlord.  N becomes a big squishy boy. I’ve done drawings of N in human Guzzlord fusion/hybrid form but I’ve been afraid of posting it but uh if anyones interested i will

- Simplified fNaf dadsis au - basically N and the Nuvema kiddos are the ones that were killed and stuffed in the animatronics, Ghetsis owns the place but risks going bankrupt pouring money into helping find the culprit and also his son and his friends when they’ve been stuck in the one restaurant he kept open to stay afloat.  Nate is the new nightguard and they decide to fuck with him to get rid of some of the boredom of being alone together in the one building for like…30 years or so.  In the end they fess up and make Nate pizza as an apology and they’re chill again

- sister locatioN dicksis au - I already summarised a thing i wrote of it in response to an anon but I’ll include here too.  Once again Ghetsis owns all the shit with the animatronics.  Anthea and Concordia get killed by one of them when they were young so years later Ghetsis sends N down to ‘free’ them (surprise he only wanted to get rid of N) but since their spirits have been fused into one hideous amalgamation of animatronics they’ve gone a bit loopy and want to leave.  The whole scooping room thing ensues and they accidentally turn their brother into a zombie

- Nombie au bc Z is a sideways N heheh I ahven’t thought up much of the background for it but it involves Plasma being a pharmaceutical company that is sort of accidentally being the cause of it.  N gets separated from his dad who ends up being the leader of a large group of people in a little town sort of thing they were able to reclaim but is Sad bc he thinks his son is dead which ends up being half true bc surprise N is half immune and ends up being a conscious zombie boy who wears a curtain as a cloak so he doesnt immediately frighten people bc he got his eye shot out by hillbilies, his face scratched up, his throat bitten out and his heart impaled on a pole (hes a freak without a human heart geddit) zombie apocalypse stuff happens

- isolatioN au - basically spawned from the thought of ’what if N was kept even more hidden away/locked up/never even left at all’.  Plasma is instead secretly in the Pokemon poaching/hunting/selling business but are disguised as…well you already know about Plasma.  The nuvema kiddos had varying levels of rough childhood and were desperate for money so they all joined up; the toutous as night guards and the dualrival s as researchers.  Hidden deep in the facility is a certain tree haired manchild who has been kept in a cage for pretty much his entire life.  Ghetsis does a mother gothel and makes out its to keep him safe and brings him Pokemon to ask about where they live and what other kinds of Pokemon live there so that Ghetsis can release them safely back into the wild go hunt for more Pokemon in the area if there’s anything good there

There’s a few more that I have but I won’t include them because im worried it’d be a waste of time if no one takes interest in any of these but uh thanks for asking and reading if you did!!!

[zenyattasperceptrons]

sj rambling like goddamn for real

///////

i know it’s not “time for rhetoric”

theres literally people chanting na/zi slogans on the street. and that’s terrifying. and i don’t even know the half of how terrifying it can be. and it needs to stop. yeah.

but. ive been grappling with this phrase in my head for a while. im not quite sure it makes sense yet. but it’s something like, “opposite is not dissimilar.” if something is “opposite” it actually has quite a lot to do with the thing it’s opposite to. It’s across from this thing on one single axis, as opposed to catty corner and off in another section on the y coordinate and blah blah...

so. yknow. no, i don’t think people who use tactics similar to the alt-r/ight, but on the other end of the political spectrum are “just as bad.” it’s very difficult to be “just as bad” as... actual... na/zis ....but. I do think those tactics are incredibly polarizing and short-term and...well, violent. And I don’t know if you’ve looked around America lately (I wish I could stop looking around), polarization looks like an absolute shitshow. I mean, part of it is that the loudest voices are the most extreme, so the ones you hear about are the ones who are pretty set in their ways.

But there are people who follow more right-wing politics that aren’t that polarized. Yet. And they’re probably thinking, yknow...what a mess their party has become. Like, in some ways, don’t you really wish we could trade for Romney right now? Like, he’s obviously not the #1 choice but if your only option was Romney or this, I would take Romney. And I bet a lot of republicans feel that way too. They don’t want to be associated with this. Some might very strongly feel that it needs to stop, they just...aren’t sure what to do about it.

And there’s not a lot of entry points for that when all of the talk going around is something like... yknow.. “all republicans are horrid beings and this was the obvious outcome of their beliefs” etc etc and. so. there’s not a lot of places where people can go and get something like. “okay. we don’t agree on some things. and we’re definitely going to hash that out. but we can do that LATER. right now we need to work together to stop this absolute cancer from taking over america.” but aside our differences. work together. it sounds optimistic, but...is it naive to say that people on any side would like there to not be na/zis in america right now? i... hope not.

i just. I don’t want to be “opposite” to this group. I want to be the wrench in the entire system. I don’t want to hammer this nail so deep into the ground with brute force that you don’t see it anymore, but it might still wiggle out if the floorboards loosen. I want there to be no need for this nail. I want to redo the entire floor, yknow. I want the people who have these beliefs to...not feel anymore like they need them. Now that...that’s naive. That’s idealistic. But I think working with that goal in mind is better than. Not.

I just don’t know how to deal with the short term problem while considering long term effects. i dont have the answer here. maybe...maybe we need to do whatever we can to stop this from happening right now

but. maybe this is a cycle. maybe what’s happening is the pushback just keeps springing over with as much force as it took to push it back down. I haven’t...been alive to see most of these cycles so it’s really hard to make a big picture out of it but. Bush? We hated him. What a shitshow! He was so bad we all rallied together to get Obama elected, and that was good. I’m glad that happened. But then...republicans were so mad about this yknow, the entire government refused to do anything his entire administration. how many times did they do that stupid vote to repeal the ACA instead of getting actual work done? and we thought they were just...being extremely childish about this whole thing! making policy isn’t about standing steadfast in the ground and refusing to move, it’s about compromising and figuring out a solution that can move forward.

and then...the pushback was, unfortunately, this guy. which i still have trouble believing got legitimately elected. i don’t think my heart can take the idea of this guy getting legitimately elected. and...what did the democrats do? they said, no. we’re going to sit and oppose every single thing this guy wants to do. and... i want them to do that. i desperately do. but now i understand how the republicans felt when obama was in office. i can’t say i agree with those feelings, i don’t think “oh, well what they did under obama was okay i guess,” but i understand what it feels like.

but. how do you compromise when your parties are growing more and more polarized with more and more separate ideals and more and more sentiment that the other side is evil and wants to destroy you.

because. well... personally, i can’t think of republican policy without thinking of people...dying in result. in direct result. people need food stamps to eat. they need welfare and health insurance, god do people need health insurance. these policies will kill people, and that is my genuine belief.

and i don’t understand how republicans can oppose what we stand for. I don’t.

But... I do believe they feel the same way. Somehow. I can’t explain it, but I know they feel this way. We are a direct threat to their lives. I don’t agree with it. But it’s a fact that that sentiment exists in some people.

so where do we go from here. we can’t relax and begin to compromise unless they relax and begin to compromise at an exactly equal pace. and how do you do that? how do you enforce that? how do you enforce trust and goodwill? how do you take the first step forward in letting the barricade down without getting completely stampeded by people who are, at this point, absolutely happy to take the opportunity?

i don’t know. im lost. i’m completely at a loss here as to how to move forward.

but i know that pushing back with brute force is...going to end in violence. somehow. we can’t keep up like this. something is going to break. our government cannot operate like this anymore. let’s be honest--it’s not operating like this anymore. our government is no longer functioning.

and that’s how things change, i guess. that’s how colonies threw off their colonizers. a violent revolution. that’s the way to do away with the system and build another on top of the rubble.

but since when has that worked out. that’s not an option i’m excited about. people will die. we all know how war works these days. it’s not a bunch of volunteers going off into an empty field and fighting in the name of their country. it’s personal. it involves civilians. it’s long and drawn out and it’s automated. innocent people get involved. all of those people we’re trying to protect with government benefits--what will happen to them if there’s not a government anymore. i just.

i don’t know what the conclusion of this post was supposed to be anymore.

i think what i really want to say, and what i really want to be true, but wishing isn’t going to make it come into existence

i want to release the pressure. i want people who are capable of doing this, and not in immediate danger, to reach out to those around them and talk to them. i want to be human to each other and i want to be understanding. i want to talk about ideals. yes, i want to sit down and have a goddamn talk about ideals and that doesn’t make me a traitor to our cause because there are so many of us and we can be doing different things at the same time! violence is a shitty patch-up job for what’s going on right now. if you’re in direct danger or someone close to you is in direct danger then yes, take action, please, protect yourself, protect those close to you, protect strangers who need your protection, but don’t pretend like self-defense is a political solution to what’s going on right now. it’s necessary, but it’s not addressing the root cause. we can’t go around perpetuating it because that’s not what we should want. we want people to feel safe because when people feel safe they don’t enact violence against other people at least in the large, large majority of cases. i don’t want those who can’t defend themselves to have to continue relying on other people to help them, i want them to feel safe on their own. i don’t want to put vulnerable people’s lives at risk for the sake of some kind of righteous vigilante justice. i want to have a system that works and to me what that means is people who are willing to talk to each other and be compassionate and address concerns and just. just be human! connect! hold fucking hands and sing songs together!!!!! fuck it!!!

fuck it!!!! the tools of violence are bad tools and the second we lay them down they’ll get picked up by people who will use them against us and idk about you but i dont want to keep violence in an iron grip all my life!!! AUGH

[crazyfangarlady]

Sildy I know like little of the windy son I drew for you please ramble about him to me 💙 also how's the green bean

my boy my man my love ZACH I’m calling it right now this is going to take me the night if I don’t try to keep it short.

Imiel is doing good!! Kind of in a lore pause while he waits for his boss’s new dragon to be born. Jeez, Ono.

nOW for proper rambles under the cut~

Most of that can probably already be found in his tag on my blog, but honestly I don’t even remember what’s in there anymore or how accurate it is. Though it’s probably still mostly good, if you wanna check it out for details I might skip here~(sidenote: after checking out his tag myself I realized there are interactions with some people you do Not like in there so. While the info is good and there is no connected lore, be wary some not-nice names are included. ;v;)

I am tORN though because there’s this huge shift between how he’s been for most of the time I had him and his current state due to Recent Lore Happenings. So whiCH ZACH DO I TALK ABOUT?? …the answer is probably to start from the beginning. More rambles for your soul. This will be too long and I am slightly sorry

Zach’s a wind mage, and part of my pirate crew, as the helmsdragon - basically, he makes the ship fly, up to creating artificial winds when needed to steer it where they want to go. That’s basically all he does- he doesn’t even take part in any of the the fighting or plundering (when the rest of the crew’s busy doing That, he’s still flying the airship). Our man doesn’t much like fighting, you see.

…which might sound weird coming from a pirate, but he’s not always been one. It’s quite a recent thing, even. He was born to a family of very rich merchants from the Cloudsong, and lived most of his life basically free from trouble. Good living environment, a family that loved him more than anything - he has a twin sister, named Adara, and they grew up real close. Best sibs.

The only thing that sets him apart from the rest of his fam is his proficiency at magic. And the man is crazy good at it. It’s innate. Heck, he could make things around him and himself as well fly before he even knew how to walk or how to speak. He was quite a handful as a child. Thankfully he was well-behaved.His parents tried to hire confirmed mages to teach him to make the best out of his powers, but it???? didn’t yield anything. Mostly because he didn’t understand the methods they wanted him to apply, and also because he didn’t want to try much… So he just kept on going with whatever he could do on his own, and not much understanding why or how it worked. Why would he?? It felt more natural to him than so many other things that were already effortless. 

(People who know his powers like to joke that to be this talented, he must be the windsinger’s own son. But they’re not that far from the truth… His sister was an only egg, and a fragile one- the others had been created lifeless. Their parents prayed to the Windsinger that she’d live, and Winddad heard them. He also heard how sad they were that their other eggs did not live, and so he was like. “Yknow what, I’m gonna do y’all a favor”, and while strengthening Adara’s own egg, created a perfect copy of it from his own magic, out of which Zach would be born.)(An identical copy of his sister, created from pure magic, by his god’s own hands. Come on, he’s made of the stuff, of course it’d flow naturally to him.)

ANYWAY. Sadly, good times have an end, he has to end up on that pirate ship somehow.

See, his family’s business was well-established, making lot of money and all. But some people didn’t like that, or certain new decisions they’d made. And one rousing scandal and some carefully planted ‘evidence’ later, their name was that of traitors, and the heads of the family, imprisoned. So our man Zach, who’d been enjoying life half doing his own thing, half helping out with said business, found himself homeless, money-less, and with everyone he used to know turning his back on him, either believing the lies or not wanting to associate with him to save face. 

I think he left the Cloudsong for a little while, maybe went to his sister’s… But eventually he came back, because it was all that he knew. Maybe to see if things had changed? He’s a stubborn one. Well, they had not, and he ended up finishing his day in some random tavern in the not-so-well-frequented area. By which I mean, most of the patrons being outlaws of some sort. The only place where people would serve him anymore without at least a handful of people giving him weird looks.

That’s where he happened upon my pirate crew, and most specifically its captain, Eydis. They’d met once before, but in very different circumstances (still good though). But all that Eyds remembered basically boiled down to “this guy is a good mage, and I need a new one of those, hEY GUY OVER THERE WANNA WORK FOR ME?”

(She’s not very subtle)

(And he was kind of in a reckless mood so he was like “A friendly face? Sign me up”)(…he just did not remember that she was a pirate. Only that he didn’t associate any negative things with her, and in that moment, that was all he needed.)(...he still has trouble explaining his reasoning from back then now. If someone asks him, he say he just followed his instinct- maybe it was a little push of fate? But hey, things turned out for the better!)

So he became a member of my pirate crew. Befriended most everyone quite easily, tbh, he’s a very sympathetic guy, and a very valuable asset to the crew too. Things went so well he ended up falling in love with Eydis, they even had some kids... At some point down the line my man Cenric comes back to the crew too, falls hard for Zach, who also loves him quite a lot, and Eydis is like “if you don’t both confess I will personally make this happen” and now they’re dating too. Its generally just Chill for a good, long time period. Happiness up on a (pirate) airship.

THEN Carver, his son, happens to die. That’s hard blow #1. He kind of bottles it up, because he’s not good at dealing with things and if he just stays positive he can do as if nothing happened, right? right??TheN, within only a few months, some heck happens over with his other two children. That’s hard blow #2. This one is a little harder to shake off. On top of Carver’s death, the emotional toll becomes kind of heavy. He’s having a bit of trouble right now tbh, not to mention that Eyds is not doing her best either- and with their captain in a bad spot, the entire crew can feel it. That’s two of their most energetic people down. The mood is just Not That Great..

AND THEN more stuff happens but this is hella long so imma cut it there bc it is Not Official Yet (and once it is it’ll probs come out in a pseudo-update that’s just Bad Writing: Discord Update Edition bc i Cannot Hecking Write)

BUT!!!!! Some Bulletpoint Zach Facts for you still, in no particular order:

When I say he was born an identical copy of his sister aside from the magic powers, I mean it. He’s a trans man~

He “befriended” a Crowned Roc once. Which is to say, it tolerates him. He gets to ried on its back sometimes. By sitting on it and keeping himself stable with magic. 

Said Roc is the one he got almost all his Windbound feathers from. Blessed them himself. In my lore, they are good luck charms and magic catalysts popular among wind flight mages

I’d talk about his approach to magic more but I found some posts instead

The jade jewelry he wears means a lot to him, and he gifted some to both his SOs, so have some very short things I wrote about those bc im a sappy shit

He almost never sleeps full nights, instead taking several short naps throughout the day. It takes a little while for other people to get used to it.

He’s, as of now, probably the most powerful dragon of my lair. And he doesn’t even realize it. This man is all potential... but almost only that.

He loves his family so much it is literally The Most Important thing to him ever. Family goes before anything else

His hair looks so ridiculously good all the time, he takes good care of it. He enjoys doing other people’s hair, too

He can’t fight to save his life

He’s almost killed a man once, though. Without even lifting a finger. I’ll need to tell that story someday. It was terrifying.

I’m cutting his hair off in future lore. It will be missed.

I love him so much but don’t do enough with him and also it’s sUPER LATE so I might stop here?

Oh wait look its theme songs time

That’s all I think?

If you have any more questions feel free to ask

Thank you so much for reading QvQ ♥

[a-panda-reads-act-omega]

ACT OMEGA PART 8

THE 24/10/16 UPDATE

Woow, another liveblog from your favorite act omega liveblogger. Are there any other livebloggers out there i need to know.  So yeah, here we are with part 8! Big Vriska number for the win. Also only two updates away from double digits! Yeah, I’m not sure I thought this through with the whole update-update format, this might take a L OT of posts to get caught up. Luckily, I have no problem with making a fuckton of posts. Anyways, I think we left off with the kids, so lets hurry up and get back to them!

(Cant post the image. Here’s the link. http://mspfanventures.com/?s=16414&p=47)

GASP, IS thIS SOME MULTIPLE CHOICE SHIT? Well considering I’m forever going to be staying chronological, I suppose I should start with the one on the next page! 

A CHARACTER SELECTION MENU appears through the power of NON-LINEAR STORYTELLING. You know the drill by now, have some free will! Or just go in this order, if you think agency is overrated

ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE

Oh, that’s helpful. Great, I’ll start with ONE then.

The fact that you are a dedicated and loyal reader is obvious and indisputable, so of course you won’t be moving on ahead without having taken a gander at all of the options presented to you.

Obviously! what kinda brainless CHUMP would move on without you explicitly stating to? NOT ME.

Anyways, starting with ONE.

PFt, woah their eyes. 

KANAYA: (Hey) ROXY: oh heeeeey! KANAYA: (Hey To You Again Except Slightly More Quietly) ROXY: (oh sorry)

It seems they gotta be quiet for reasons. H  m m M..

ROXY: (why r we whispering) KANAYA: (I Am Not Entirely Sure)

So they just need to be miss zuipPer lips for no reason then?

KANAYA: (That Just Seems To Be What Everyone Has Lapsed Into Doing) KANAYA: (And Now Speaking In A Normal Volume Will Draw More Attention Than Desired Especially When Attempting To Have A Private Conversation) ROXY: (im lovin this private convo already but you might need to make it snappy)

so everybodys just whispering? do they all got SECRETS? Also, what’s the hurry Roxy?

ROXY: (john looks about ready to get down n dirty with some srs leadership biz)

Oh yeah.

KANAYA: (Alright Then I Will Attempt To Be Brief) KANAYA: (I Wanted To Thank You Again) KANAYA: (For The Matriorb Certainly)

Alright cool! It seems that this Kanaya does remember Roxy giving her the good ol’ matriorb. 

KANAYA: (But Additionally For Everything Else You Have Accomplished Today) KANAYA: (I Know Being The One To Strike The Final Blow Against Our Shared Enemy In The Midst Of Battle Does Not Necessarily Warrant Gratitude But I Thought It Might Be Nice For You To Hear That What You Did Was Appreciated)

What she DID, was prove herself to be a goddamn BADASS. But honestly everybody here’s a badass one way or another. 

KANAYA: (At Least By Me) KANAYA: (On Behalf Of My Species As Well As All Those Who Suffered At The Behest Of The Condesce) KANAYA: (And All Those That May Now Be Born And Live Free Of Tyranny) KANAYA: (You Did Good)

Pft, nice. “Ya did good, kid.” 

ROXY: (omg i am cri)

goddammit these lines always manage to be fucking perfect.

ROXY: (that wasnt brief @ all but twas so so bootiful) ROXY: (gdi cmere moms big loveable space gf)

OK this doesn’t need to be stated, but I fucking love roxy.

KANAYA: (Um I Would Prefer It If We Saved The Hug For Later Maybe) ROXY: (aww ok thats cool)

nO FUCKING HUG NOW

KANAYA: (Anyway I Have Only Just Met You But You Have Already Proven Yourself To Be Just As Extraordinary An Individual As Your...) KANAYA: (Uh) KANAYA: (Rose)

Nice Kanaya.

ROXY: (as my rose?) KANAYA: (Yes Your Rose) ROXY: (;D)

ITS CONFIRMED, Rose is Roxy’s Rose. this conversation is so cute.

See you’re still over there TZ. Whatcha lookin at? The uh... oh youre blind. what are you doing terezi?? come on girl, celebrate!

ROXY: (okay looks like john got distracted by somethin) ROXY: (so since we got a little more time to chat it up) ROXY: (and so long as were exchangin bomb as FUCK felicitations) ROXY: (youre not so shabby yourself yknow) ROXY: (like damn i was absolutely right youre one deadly customer)

Yeah no fuckin kidding, this girl knows how to kick ass.

ROXY: (seeing u whip out that BEASTLY CHAINSAW) ROXY: (was a sight to behold)

PFt, that was nothing. You should have seen when she single handedly put three of the most dangerous characters on the meteor out of commision. 

KANAYA: (I Really Did Not Do All That Much Surprisingly) KANAYA: (Or Perhaps Unsurprisingly) KANAYA: (I Am Not Sure If I Was Erring On The Side Of Caution After All) KANAYA: (Out Of Consideration For The Gift You Gave Me) KANAYA: (Or If Perhaps I Was Simply Unpracticed)

Well yeah, she didnt do as much in this battle as the others.  But like she said, she had the matriorb to keep safe. PLUS, she wasnt godtier. So yeah Kanaya, you’re excused from doing your makeup during the final epic battle.

ROXY: (who cares??) ROXY: (we WON) ROXY: (gave that witch what was COMING TO HER) ROXY: (and thats the end of that no point gettin our knickers all in a twist over it no more)

Roxy’s got the right idea. There doesn’t gotta be any more “proving yourself.” You did the battle, and you came out on top!  JUst be done with it.

KANAYA: (Yes I Suppose Youre Right) KANAYA: (Though I Do Wonder How Things Might Have Gone If I Had Attempted To Dust Off One Of The Old Fraymotifs)

Oh shit, Kanaya’s got fraymotifs? And also, you can use fraymotifs without being godtier?

oh. wait. terezi isnt godtier is she? Yeah, you totally can use fraymotifs without godtier.

ROXY: (no kidding!) ROXY: (yeah that woulda been pretty badass) ROXY: (we could have had a sick combo) ROXY: (void and...) ROXY: (uh) KANAYA: (Space) ROXY: (right yeah space)

Well too bad you’ll never have the opportunity to USE that sick deadly combo!

I am ONE HUNDRED percent sure that will be the case

i am SO SURE

nobody has to die anymore

so

completely sure.

KANAYA: (It May Have Indeed Been Sick But Upon Further Reflection Perhaps Not)

No kanaya, it would be SUPER fuckin badass dont even give me that shit.

ROXY: (wait rly) ROXY: (how come?) KANAYA: (I Dont Feel Like I Ever Got The Opportunity To Truly Get In Touch With My Aspect Like You) KANAYA: (It Has Never Seemed Pertinent That I Be Able To Cast Some Sort Of Spacey Enchantment) KANAYA: (In Fact I Have Yet To Stumble Across A Scenario I Could Not Handle Through More Traditional Methods) ROXY: (u mean a deadly body slam full a sharp metal teeth twice the length of your head) KANAYA: (Yes Precisely) KANAYA: (That Tends To Cover The Bases Pretty Well)

WELL, Chainsaws do seem to cover many different issues. Mainly the ones which involve somebody needing to be cut the fuck in half. But I dont know if being “In touch” with your aspect was ever really a thing. I mean, when did John become “in touch” with his aspect? He just sorta got the powers and did shit with them. i dont really know what that has to do with it- wait a goddamn second. People always associate the wind aspect with like independence and shit, right? And.. the last thing that happened before John went godtier, was a choice. Given to him by Vriska, who for the first time decided to step back and let him decide what to do on his own. Whether or not she would have owned up to what she said about letting him decide how to fall asleep, he still made the choice and went with it on is own. So maybe that’s got something to do with it.

Or maybe I’m just an idiot.

ROXY: (well you know what thats cool) ROXY: (u do u) ROXY: (besides) ROXY: (hopefully there wont be any more reason for you to wreck shit)

GOddammit stop saying shit like that

KANAYA: (That Would Be Ideal I Suppose) KANAYA: (However It Is Always Wise To Be Prepared) KANAYA: (Just In Case) ROXY: (ofc!) ROXY: (and hey) ROXY: (just cuz we won the game doesnt mean there wont be any more opportunities to like) ROXY: (explore yourself and your aspect) ROXY: (our cool powers are too friggin handy for them to just stop bein relevant once we walk thru a magic door)

SPeaking of which, can THEY HURRY UP AND WALK THROUGH THE MAGIC FUCKING DOOR YET IM GETTING ANXIOUS.

ROXY: (maybe someday youll get the chance to blitz ur chakras and get spacey w it) ROXY: (and itll be at your own pace instead of having to rush it for the sake of fixing some giant spacetastrophe) KANAYA: (That Does Sound Nice)

YES IT DOES NOW HURRY UP THROUGH THE DOOR SO THAT BECOMES A REALITY COME THE FUCK ON JOHN

KANAYA: (Considering Right Now I Am Very Unsure Of How To Even Begin Blitzing Those Particular Chakras) ROXY: (i bet u can ask john) ROXY: (hes rly good at givin advice for stuff like that)

YES HE IS BUT HE ISNT GOOD AT OPENING DOORS AAAAA

ROXY: (tho he probably doesnt even know it pffff) KANAYA: (You Are Also Very Good At Giving Advice) KANAYA: (That Was Not Necessarily A Request I Simply Thought I Should Point That Out) ROXY: (TOO BAD youre gettin some anyway ;P) ROXY: (rly tho ive hardly even begun to wrestle my voidy powers into submission) ROXY: (still got a loooooong way to go on that front) ROXY: (but thus far most of my blitzing has just been like) ROXY: (being around the thing) ROXY: (and letting myself embrace this like) ROXY: (natural synergy i got going w it) KANAYA: (When You Say) KANAYA: (The Thing) KANAYA: (Do You Mean Nothing) KANAYA: (Considering Your Aspect Presides Over Literal Nothingness)

Yes Kanaya, this is exactly what she means.

ROXY: (pffft) ROXY: (yes thats what i mean :p) KANAYA: (Okay I Was Just Attempting To Clarify) KANAYA: (How Does One Surround Themselves With The Concept Of Nonexistence) ROXY: (i dunno!) ROXY: (when u put it that way it does sound pretty mind bending) ROXY: (i guess ive just been lucky?) ROXY: (or maybe the nothing is naturally attracted to me and lucks got nothin to do w it)

WELL YEAh, what isnt naturally attracted to you? Guys i just really love roxy help

ROXY: (but yeah i got that voidy ring @ one point) ROXY: (and when john started getting to fixing the timeline he took me to a place that felt like) ROXY: (the nothingest nothing to ever unexist) KANAYA: (That Sounds Interesting) KANAYA: (What Was It Like)

Probably nothing.

THATS a cool panel right there.

ROXY: (well it was) ROXY: (white) ROXY: (but not pure white) ROXY: (just slightly off) ROXY: (and) ROXY: (it was super vast) ROXY: (but not like regular outer space where you can actually see stuff like stars stretch on and on til you cant see it anymore) ROXY: (which at least gives u a sense of distance) ROXY: (but instead it was almost claustrophobic) ROXY: (cuz there was nothing there) ROXY: (you and all the other somethings just completely enveloped by a shrink wrap o absence)

HUmm.. thats pretty interesting to say the least. Not really sure what to think of it though! Just pretty nifty.

KANAYA: (Hmmmm) ROXY: (never really tried putting this into words) ROXY: (i think the thing about it was that the void sort of) ROXY: (changed) ROXY: (depending on how i chose to perceive it) ROXY: (cause the whole point is that its kinda like) ROXY: (idk) ROXY: (maybe a little like binary) KANAYA: (Binary?)

too bad sollux is dead he’d get a kick outta this.

did anybody make this connection. computer hacker guy who likes two’s. Binary. man. i feel like everybody did.

ROXY: (yknow binary) ROXY: (computer language) ROXY: (0011101100101001)

TRANSLATOr HELP

“;)“

omfg she just winked in binary.

KANAYA: (Oh That) ROXY: (the way that works is basically) ROXY: (you have a bit) ROXY: (like a computery bit) ROXY: (and it can say either 0 or 1) ROXY: (and dependin on which it is the computer displays the info differently) ROXY: (but the void is like a completely blank bit) ROXY: (there isnt a 0 or a 1 written on the bit yet but thats all were programmed to understand yknow) ROXY: (like 0 is technically nothing but whats important is that theres something there for you to see) ROXY: (but what im gettin at is that really void is just blank space waiting to be written on) ROXY: (by somebody like yours truly) ROXY: (im the computer and youre the person reading the display)

Oh. That’s pretty cool and shit. 

OH shes gettin all magicky here

ROXY: (and my whole voidy thing) ROXY: (is that i gotta figure out the code for whatever i wanna make exist) ROXY: (and write it on the blank bits) ROXY: (then) ROXY: (i snatch em outta the void!)

Oh AGAIN. YEAh, roxys power seems a lot cooler now.

ROXY: (yoink!!!)

*gasp*

nice lipstick yo

Kanaya is so fucking cute oml. She looks kinda dumbfounded by this lipstick.

KANAYA: (Wow) KANAYA: (That Was Really Quite Insightful Roxy) KANAYA: (I Think I Am Already Beginning To Understand Things Better) KANAYA: (But What Is This) ROXY: (p sure its lipstick!) ROXY: (and its 4 u) ROXY: (i dont rly know if pinks ur color but) ROXY: (here it is anyway!)

Oh god help me im already starting to ship it.

KANAYA: (Another Gift) KANAYA: (Why) ROXY: (daaaaw i dunno) ROXY: (i mean its actually kinda cool i was able to make this at all) ROXY: (i bet it must be bc of you somehow) ROXY: (you like lipstick right?) KANAYA: (Yes) ROXY: (i dont know if this is just me but i bet this is totes a thing w space players) ROXY: (like i get the vibe that u guys r more in touch with the objects around you) ROXY: (specially the ones thatre important to you) KANAYA: (I Suppose...)

HMm.. Interesting bit of aspect analysis. That could possibly be a thing.

ROXY: (well?) ROXY: (ru gonna take it or what) KANAYA: (I Really Cant Accept This) KANAYA: (I Was Attempting To Alleviate The Debt Of Gratitude I Have Already Been Accumulating Towards You) KANAYA: (A Measly Thank You Is Hardly Enough) KANAYA: (And Yet You Present Me With Even More To Be Thankful For)

COme on Kanaya dont be like that. Just take the thing and be hAPPY! you dont gotta prove yourself for a gift.

ROXY: (man thats not how this works) ROXY: (you dont owe me nothin) ROXY: (but heck if it makes u feel better) ROXY: (the space egg wasnt rly 4 u it was 4 all the little trollings that need to be born) ROXY: (skewering the batterwitch was definitely 4 me and earth and stuff) ROXY: (and the lipstick is to thank u for takin such good care of my mom :D)

Dont you mean your Rose?

KANAYA: (... That Does Make Me Feel Slightly Better) ROXY: (so youll take it??) KANAYA: (Okay) ROXY: (hella) KANAYA: (Thank You) KANAYA: (Again) ROXY: (dont mention it!)

She will likely mention this many times.

WEll that was the end for their interaction I suppose, so it seems like we get one page of another interaction then? I guess Dirk and Jake.

Ohp, yep. Jeez they look awkward.

DIRK: (... So.) JAKE: (...) DIRK: (...) DIRK: (That was some fight, huh.)

Goddammit this is awkward. 

JAKE: (Oh yes that sure was a doozy of a brawl we all just participated in.) JAKE: (Or rather multiple brawls.) DIRK: (I think you’re probably up to speed on exactly how well mine went.) JAKE: (Um.) JAKE: (Should i be?) DIRK: (Nevermind.)

Just another beheading of good ol’ Dirk. Seems like that’s a common thing for him. 

((OhOFOHSANSIJFN  HOLY SHIT I PRESSED A BUTTON AND FOR A SECOND I THOUGHT I ALMOST DELETED EVERYTHING I WROTE DAMMIT TUMBLR GIVE ME WARNINGS))

JAKE: (Sorry... its just difficult to, uh...) DIRK: (Don’t be sorry. It doesn’t actually matter.) JAKE: (The important part is you won right?) DIRK: (Yeah...) DIRK: (How did yours go?) DIRK: (If you feel like sharing, that is.) JAKE: (Oh i won too!) DIRK: (Well. Obviously.) DIRK: (I meant... like.) DIRK: (Specifically, HOW you won.) DIRK: (I’d be down to hear some details of all the kickassery you've been dishing out.) DIRK: (That must've been pretty crazy solo.)

Come ONNNN guys, quit dancing around the topic here. Somethings bothering you and its making everything shitty.

JAKE: (Oh.) JAKE: (Well i wasnt alone for long actually.) JAKE: (In fact it was quite the clusterfuck of skeletons sprites and green goblin brutes!) JAKE: (That crabby troll fellow even showed up at one point.) JAKE: (He seemed to be having a difficult time with one of the tinier rascals but i was up to my ears in fracas and fisticuffs myself and couldnt really lend him a hand.)

Dammit Karkat. I love him, but god he’s adorably pathetic in fights.

DIRK: (It looks like he’s alright, so no harm done.) DIRK: (How many of those green dudes were there again?) JAKE: (Im fairly certain there were 14.) DIRK: (And you trounced all of them?) JAKE: (Actually k...carat dealt with one of them i think.) JAKE: (They were small but a decidedly tricky foe. It was scurrying around so fast i dont think a single one of my bullets even grazed it!)

He has ALLLL the luck Jake, ALL of it!  Honestly, can we get a Vriska/Clover battle?

DIRK: (Well, shit. Sounds tough.) DIRK: (Still, my score reads "Jake: 13, Goblins: 0".) DIRK: (Oh, and I’m pretty sure the name you’re looking for is Karkat.) JAKE: (Is that so?) DIRK: (Yup.) JAKE: (My mistake then...) DIRK: (Don’t worry about it.)

Dammit Jake, don’t be so fucking hard on yourself. I feel bad for him now. Like, he’s beating himself up over not knowing a complete strangers name.

JAKE: (Have you spoken to him at all yet?) DIRK: (Nah.) JAKE: (Would you like to?) DIRK: (I guess? Sure.) DIRK: (He and Dave seem to be in the middle of something, though. No point in interrupting.) DIRK: (Besides, I’m talking to you right now.) JAKE: (...) DIRK: (...)

(...)

Alright dammit, I guess we’ll see if they get over whatever’s bugging them in the next update, because that’s the last page. Seeya next time and whatnot folks.

[seccunda]

garfield the deals warlock vs tom collins the bartender warlock

i’ve been thinking so hard about this ask ever since i received it there is so much that could happen here

we know. so very little about garfield the deals warlock outside of being. well a deals warlock who does a lot of shady shit. this brings me to tom collins, who we know tries not to be shady but ends up being that way anyway either by his own tomfoolery(haha get it) or by association w yknow, the thieves guild and whatever the fuck lenny’s up to nowadays.

we know tom is capable of murder, hes shown to be uh PRETTY GOOD AT THAT? in an actual fist-fight tho he’d probably be shit out of luck and assuming garfield is actually a cat he’s already got the upper hand bc who the fuck wants to fist-fight a guy with claws. i dont. tom probably doesnt. going back to my earlier point tho we don’t know if garfield has ever directly killed or fought anyone so for all we know he could be all tricks (and lets face it he probably is), but assuming both of these boys have done a hit before here’s how i feel like this fight would go down:

i don’t know what theyre fighting for or about but garfield starts it. he throws off a couple of spells while also advertising his latest magical gadget, tom attempts to avoid conflict bc why would he want to fight this weird cat man. why would he do that. but he does bc the stores closed and its a battlefield now these r just fantasy costco rules. and also bc u sent me this ask and made me think about this for half an hour tops. anyway if ur in past closing time ur getting a spellslot to the face and/or dick, maybe not in that order, maybe not at the same time. either way wear a cup.

eventually tom probably gets the upper hand bc as we know hes Good At Murdering People With His Warlock Powers. this isn’t lethal mind u, just enough to get this catman to stop clawing at him. it works, but in a final last ditch attempt garfield looks up at tom and says

“wanna make a deeeeeeal?”

now u, like i have been, might be wondering what he could possibly offer tom right now that isnt just bullshit so he can get away. the answer is probably nothing. the deal is if tom doesn’t kill him in his own goddamn store he can have this one mystery item. tom agrees bc Fuck This he just wants to go home. garfield certainly Looks like he’s won, if the grin on his face is anything to go by.

whats the mystery item? who knows, tom never checked, its just in a nondescript box under the bar collecting dust. who won? technically tom but i’ll leave the Real winner up to u, dear reader

[not-tryin-2-have-a-debate]

part 2 poetic waxing

i keep getting really mad at my ex the second i realize i was thinking something thats not real

because to the best of my knowledge she read this blog and heard me talk about my expiriences for so long and then she,,,,completely misunderstood them and tried to replicate them in a way that doesnt. make sense. and isnt what this is. and im still hoenstly really offended by that because wow. and i just wanna say like. especially since this blog is pretty much entirely Unseen now

like

im still terrified to recognize myself as psychotic

i dont want to be psychotic

im afraid to talk about it with my doctor or even touch on the symptoms and eps of it and im terrified to get put on pills for it and its a shit show

i think with the people im closest to i try to normalize the idea of being that way with myself

and i pretend the idea of being psychotic doesnt terrify me and say it freely because its not going away and im scared and i need to learn to not be so scared if im going to deal with it in any capacity i need to be able to recognize it

it was a long process.

i didnt start being that way overnight and i didnt recognize it until way after it started

and its not just 1 thing

to me the embodiment of it and the whole problem is that youre just constantly trying to figure out whats real and whats going on like your being hit on all sides

id describe my perception of and ability to perceive reality as a wall thats always being eroded down but can also have parts break off or have holes blown in it at any second...and im constantly trying to build the wall back up and reinforce it and repair it. but i usually dont have a fully formed wall and even if i got there id only be able to maintain it for so long until half of it got blown up again. etc etc wall metaphor if i leave it itll just fuckin collapse entirely

but yeah yknow like.

a delusion isnt just ‘when you think something that isn’t real.’

and like not to dip a bit too much into tumblr vocab and context or whatever but like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the way Neurotypicals take symptom descriptions at total face value is...tiring. idk how else to describe it. theres so much context missing.

these symptoms for me started up when i was a kid and got worse.

it was because i have so much family history with this shit that i finally noticed it and compared and recognized the beginning to get worse problem

because ive seen it in my brother and my uncle and my grandma and my family for years and i know it up close and personally

i dont just have some kind of kooky thoughts that i recognize arent real while im having them. my ability to do that at all came with practice and time and repitition.

i dont know when im not dreaming.i see and feel things that arent there.

i think thoughts that i cant recognize as mine and are usually a bunch of nonsense word salad shit.

i have real prolonged trouble recognizing myself as a human being thats physical and has human limits.

i have toruble percieving the present. i have trouble remembering the past.

i constantly really for real feel like ive seen this before.

every time i have deja vu i like have a whoel fuckign Moment lmao

i assume people think the worst of me and want to hurt me.

i assume the end of the world is happening out of nowhere and i really think its happening.

i think God is trying to punish me.

I think spirits are coming after me.

I really believe it.

I spend my day crying and panicking and hiding from shit that isnt real.

i convince myself my whole life is some kind of divine punishment.

its on top of that and

its after years of that

and years of seeing family members older than me and farther into it than me degrading at the same time

that i think some dumb shit and immediately catch myself

or that i think im getting psychic messages and can immediately be like ‘ok calm down’

its because im trying to convince myself im NOT like a psychic prophet and ive been able to recognize it before that i can see a message for what it is and recognize what im doing

its bc ive corroborated the expirience with my brother after doing it for years and years already

i didnt wake up one day and start thinking i was a prophet but also recognizing thats crazy yknow

i thought i was a prophet and then as i grew up i started realizing that it was crazy because i found resources and saw what my family was going through and got so sick of the worst parts and thought something had to be wrong with that picture

and even then the messages arent a delusion

having dejavu and being suspicious of it isnt a delusion

wishing something was true isnt a delusion

believing in gods and spirits and weird reincarnation stuff isnt a delusion

they’re parts of a whole and thats only a few of the parts

like an example of levels

really liking a celebrity isnt psychotic

wishing you were married isnt psychoticdaydreaming about being married to them isnt psychotic

imagining they’re talking to you or they’re addressing something in an interview to you isn’t psychotic, in and of itself (imagining the message but also kind of beliving it also isn’t )

actually beliving they’re addressing you in an interview or something isn’t a delusion, and though its like Psychotically-associated isnt An Automatic Sticker Of Psychosis slapped on your forehead

forgetting you aren’t acutally married sometimes isn’t a delusion.actually beliving you’re married to them is a delusion.

you won’t be able to recognize it as that until later.

the other behaviors, for you, since youre having a delusion, will come off of that.

someone non-delusional who really loved to dream about it might convince themselves into some magical thinking about the celebrity.

for you though, its because you’re married. you’re literally actually married so of course they’re leaving little hints for you! you never get to see each other!

you rationalize it.

because you believe it and having someone put a crack in things you believe in is scary for anyone.

i mean especially wow if someone told you were werent actually married to your spouse and didn’t even know them? they didn’t even know youre name or that you existed? that would be horrifying. of course youd come up with rationalizations.

and that delusion probably started because you really liked them and because you were lonely. but also because youve been having some issues and either are psychotic, were developing psychotic symptoms, or like Had The Propensity To Be Psychotic in general yknow like. the seeds were there or you were already living life as a psychotic tree and this was just a new branch.

after a while they might start to get it.

they might start poking holes in there own reasoning and being brave enough to follow that path.

and hopefully from there theyll get to the still-beleving-it-but-also-recognizing-its-’fake’ stage.

there are a lot of reasons i dont want to be psychotic.

no one should want to be.

anyone who says they want to be is either someone who’s a disgusting creep thinking other peoples crisises are some hot edgy mysterious shit OR theyre a psychotic person trying to humor themselves and be okay with themselves.

and you should be ok with yourself but that shouldnt replace wanting to improve and manage that really scary world-ending parts of shit.thats a whole other topic though

like

i dont want to be psychotic because im terrified of slowly loosing my mind. thats a freaky prospect that no one should really want. i only want that when im suicidal and wish i just didnt have a mind to think with at all kind of shit.

i dont want to be psychotic because i dont want to keep having these episodes and seeing this shit and thinking this shit. a lot of it is absolutely terrifying. other things are less active but like...i wish i could trust anyone ever. i wish i could trust my own judgement. i wish i didn’t get obsessive and weird about contamination and not be able to eat food or need to contain myself from freaking out if certain people touch me. that shit isnt cowering from God under a desk but its annoying and i don’t want to be doing it. i wish i could stop doing it.

i don’t want to be psychotic because once youve had it confirmed that you believe things that arent real that makes it just that much harder to trust literally anything you think.i have to check everything with people because what if im wrong or assuming or jsut being crazy or i thought something up that isnt true.and we all seem to have an amazing knack for like doign that whenever we were actually with reality, and forgetting to do it when we do actually have something a little confused lol. maybe thats subconscious.

i dont wanna be psychotic because i want some things to be true!! you know!! and learnign they arent is, again, confusing and really scary. no matter what it is. but if its something that you like or that brings you some kinda positive shit then thats even worse to have taken away and have be a lie. and even worse a Crazy Lie.

i don’t know how much of my religious views to trust and thinking that anything i believe in or think is up for questioning brings up a whole lot of good things that i dont want to be up for questioning.part of the reason im scared to go on meds is because im really worried some good things will turn out fake and go away.

im worried about what all could just like...dissappear. what if the whole world changed. what if im wrong about more than i thought or something that id never even considered.

like.....im out of steam now but.

yeah. idk

[isaacathom]

ooh! ok so, the human fleet has a remote override system, right? pretty much every low level ship has a receiver for this system, a few speciality ships do not (ie med ships), and higher class ships (captains and above) have the ‘sender’ component. this implies an expansive system whereby low class ships are connected to captain ships, which are themselves connected to the broader human network.

this is what the alien virus wants to exploit. the reason it has taken so long to take hold is because the majority of ships they have managed to capture are either severed from that network (again, med ships, which are connected to the comms but have no override) or can only receive data (regular pilot ships). captain class ships are incredibly well looked after and have a variety of self destruct capabilities to prevent their tech/info/etc falling into enemy hands, and there are often times when the only pilot who will make it out of a mission is the captain in an escape pod. where the escape pod houses the override system. the humans have been very careful with the override system because of the potential for it to be exploited by sending unauthorised packets.

which means that some time recently, the aliens were able to obtain an intact captain class ship, complete with the escape pod and all the associated override send tech. which means that the aliens can now reverse engineer the system and figure out its vulnerabilities. of course, the humans are not aware that the ship was obtained in tact, because, well, theyre SUPPOSED to self destruct! it should not be possible for the enemy to obtain a functional captain class. which means something fishy is going on with that pilot. something went ‘wrong’.

which could tie into the A/B thing, and presumably the Captain as well. maybe in the last mission A and C did together (before A’s break and the switcheroo) was where their captain got captured by the aliens, or something, and thats why A ended up doing the switcheroo. maybe A wanted to investigate it outside of the bounds of the human space force, but they couldnt get a long enough break, so they sent B to cover for them while they did like, illegal shit. maybe it was like, an inside job, sort of this, that the captain class ship got into the aliens hands. it almost certainly did not end well for the pilot. like, maybe some dicknog on the inside used the remote override ON that captain class mid mission, allowing it to be captured. maybe part of the reason A was on leave at all because because of their failure to stop that capture. this sounds a little toooo grand conspiracy so maybe not, but the core concept of ‘aliens capture a captain-class ship’ works perfectly fine if you suspend disbelief over the remote override. which isn’t even that impossible! you can hack fucking cars now, why not space ships operating on a proprietary network? fucking yeet it. hack the planet, etc

i guess the issue with the capture is that its unlikely as fuck that A, C, and any other pilots that were with them (potentially S, potentially our alien friend who we’ll call L for the time being just so we have LETTERS) wouldn’t have noticed that the captain didn’t eject. they absolutely noticed. whether they know that the good shit is stored in the eject pod is another matter entirely, and i suppose that would explain it. but even just generally ‘aren’t captain class supposed to self destruct?’ would be something A and C would both know. the entire situation must have been fucking whack to allow for this to happen, and for both A and C to survive the encounter. maybe... maybe it was a tpk? pretty much? like that their entire group (so like, 5 people) got ambushed and fucked to shit, and the A and C managed to escape but did not know the fates of their comrades. With the two other low class ships being recovered, but not the captain class. a and c get granted a break to deal with the, yknow, probably death of half of their crew, A swaps out with B to investigate illegally, and thus we come to the plot. i guess.

then i suppose the virus starts as a physical upload because they haven’t quite cracked the network. they have the sender (captain class) and receiver (regular class) but haven’t fully cracked how the two connect by the proprietary network. but they know the sooort of system that the two use and what types of files the receiver takes, so they set up the virus, plug that sucker into one of their ships, and tell them to fucking kamikaze a dude. and thus, S gets messed up. something LIKE that? shits whack. i dont know how tech works. wheeee