#and you have a couple irls who know about your actual identity but you're certain they don't actually see you as male

[hypnowave]

.

[muchymozzarella]

So you're saying if someone takes a canonically gay character and ships them in a heterosexual relationship, they're not being homophobic. And if someone takes a canonically mixed-race black/white couple (and yes I'm talking about Reylo) and ships the white character with another white character instead, they're not racist. If your answer to both statements is "no they're not", you're full of shit.

No, they’re not :))

 Especially since FinnRey isn’t any more canonical than Reylo at this point. I’ll be ecstatic if Reylo dies in ROTS, don’t get me wrong, since I actually really dislike the ship itself, but I have nothing against shippers since they’re literally just… shipping fictional characters. There’s nothing wrong with being a Reylo, and y’all act like there is, and that is DISTURBING. 

Man, imagine if I said “FinnRey shippers are homophobic because FinnPoe is a thing”. Imagine. Same energy, right? 

I do find that when people have a specific trend in their shipping (for example, never shipping nonwhite or non pale characters) it’s definitely indicative of something, but that doesn’t exist in the ship alone. That exists in trends. 

If a black queer woman who advocates for POC rep and black rights and engages in activism decides to ship two white men even when there’s potentially a black man to be shipped with one of them, I don’t say YOU’RE RACIST because you can tell how STUPID that is.

As for shipping a canon gay character in a hetero relationship, I find it squicky. But I don’t assume someone’s homophobic because of it. If they say or do homophobic things, they’re homophobes, but otherwise, I just stay away from these fics because I personally don’t like it. 

I also don’t think that fantasising about fictional men can be equatable to any real life actions against homophobia that you’re taking in your own life. Straight men who jack off to lesbian porn aren’t champions of the queer community. Neither are straight women who jack off to gay men having sex morally superior to those who jack off to straight men and women. 

Y’all gotta stop acting like you know the reasons people ship something.

I ship for all these reasons, for different ships: 

 I like the dynamic and chemistry they have

 I like that they’re good for each other

 I like that they’re toxic for each other because they’re terrible

 I like that they’re equals who differ in ideals

 I think it’s sexy but 100% would have one or both of these people arrested IRL

 I think they’re sweet and I want to have that kind of relationship

 I think they’re doomed to fail and I want to see it happen 

 I think they should be canon

I don’t think they should be canon so I enjoy their fanon

As you can see, most of these entries contradict each other. Obviously. I get different things from these different ships. That is NORMAL. 

It is normal to watch horrific war movies or gory horror and romcoms for different reasons. You get different things from different media. 

That goes the same for ships. Sometimes I want my ships to be UwU perfect cute and sweet - like, for example, Good Omens. 

Sometimes I want my ships to be morally reprehensible. Like, for example, Hannigram. 

I do, however, think people should be aware of why they ship certain things. And sometimes it involves ingrained racism that you need to self-examine, or something else in your life that you’re using fandom to cope with. 

And sometimes it’s just for shits and giggles. 

But y’all who send anon messages like this? You’re apparently just doing it to have the license to bully and harass people on the internet. Shipping ain’t your religion, stop acting like evangelical nutcases preaching the purity of your own ship vs. The Inherent Evils of others. That’s how we got Catholicism. And look how that turned out. 

PLEASE STOP DEFINING YOUR IDENTITY WITH WHAT YOU SHIP!!!!!!! Ships are important to my life but goddamn fucking stop pretending they are your entire existence, and stop projecting that onto other people. 

[smallblanketfort]

Do you have any advice on how to stop romanticizing self destructive behaviors? I've really been struggling with this recently. It's hard to recover and stop doing certain things when you see so many people talk about the behaviors you're trying to stop in a positive way. -🌊

yes! this is actually why i changed the scheme of tylersoldtweets vs thesproutclub. it happened in me, and it hurt.

first, i suggest identifying where you are intaking any behaviors. where are you hearing about them? i guarantee that it’s not just in your head. are you hearing about behaviors on an online platform? from a specific friend? from songs? limit this. maybe that means culling who you follow. maybe that means establishing boundaries. perhaps start listening to different music.

then, shift who you do follow. do you follow any healthy accounts? anything that makes you feel inspired and motivated? what helps you feel like a more well rounded, necessary, healthy person? follow those.also, find a healthy relationship and observe it, preferably more so than your unhealthy relationships. read books, look at couples in love irl, etc. 

think through the romanticizing... what are you thinking? talk back to your thoughts. remember, you do not need lines to write a story. your pain is valid without physical validation. people who can’t be touched can’t be hugged as often.sometimes these behaviors are just so familiar. comfortable. definitely. keep reading.

what’s the life you want? picture your perfect self. who are you? how do you feel? what’s the feeling in your chest? what does the room look like around you? what do you love?for me, always, that’s been surrounded by plants, creatively productive in coffee shops, a good yogi, helpful to others, lots of natural light etc. the thing is... none of these things are far fetched or too hard to reach right now. i write this from a coffee shop with plants in the window. i couldn’t go to yoga this morning bc of shitty drama. that sucks. but i’m here, now, in a place i love.alongside this, how do you want to grow? pick out a couple growth areas, then pick one, and press on it, super gently. start growing.you have an identity. we are endlessly creating ourselves. it doesn’t stop. you are not stuck here.

the flip side is this. these behaviors are not good for you. sometimes it takes rock bottom to realize it. maybe you feel it now. internalize this, even if only to the extent of “this would hurt my mom if she knew.”

get all your yummy brain chemicals from elsewhere. things like self injury and such cause adrenaline and happy chemicals in your brain. it’s natural, a survival mechanism. however, you can get these in healthier ways, such as crying, journaling, talking to a friend, laughing, exercising, sunshine, and more. this isn’t dumb hippie shit. it’s science.

i cannot suggest following the holistic psychologist on instagram enough. this is a practicing psychologist and therapist who wants to equip you to fight your mental illness. 

here are some solid questions to routinely ask yourself:

what topics do i want to explore?what do i want to achieve professionally/academically?how do i take better care of myself?what unhealthy habits should i shift and/or replace?what creative projects do i wish to complete?

your identity goes beyond unhealthy behaviors. i promise you this.

it’s a process. it takes a long time. but it happens. i love u.

let me know if you have any more thoughts on this. i’m here to hear you.

[moderngirlmp3]

i- oh my gOD bestie, words cannot encompass how much i love your words (yes, this is. definitely coherent /s)

"like, you give me your name and i’ll never forget it." HHH NFJXMC THE NO STALGIA AND VIBES /pos i love that sentence so much. that,, sums up the perfection and sadness and wonder of the last days of elementary school so well!!

nostalgia sure is something. like,, i think about these memories and times, and i miss that. everything was so simple then. but then! i think about all the new friends i've made, and how different i am. i mean,, here i am. sitting at my computer and typing this out. i'm talking to someone, layers and layers away from being face to face, and yet it feels so- i don't even know. i just know that i will remember these nights and long paragraphs typed out, for both the internet and only one other person to see. and on one hand, it's a little odd to think that people can see and interact with my thoughts, all typed out in one neat little tumblr ask. on the other hand, this is so cool. it's like simon vs the homo sapiens agenda, but make it even mORE QUEER (it is pride month after alll fsjdlkfj) and more,, 2021. also platonic /gen /lh

books that shaped me: percy jackson. i was just so in love with the idea of belonging in a certain kind of way. it also took up a lot of my childhood, and honestly, i do think about all of the books and other series' (series? series's??) fairly often. i would say harry potter, because it did impact the way that i spent a lot of my time, but also. jkr sucks. rick riordan is not great either, but the thought of supporting jkr is so wrong at this point. this one is random, and i honestly did not realize how much it shaped who i am, but the eighth day. the idea of having another day, just to myself, was something that i thought about so much. and now, time travel is my go-to for anything. i wanted to freeze time, and be able to control time, so badly. and to a certain extent, i still do. but it does not lurk in the front of my mind nearly as much as it used to fjskldjf

would you say you took on any personalities from fictional characters, or even irl people? which characters, and which traits? and how long did it take you to realize that those were going to be a part of you/were not a part of your identity that you kept? - 🌵

bestie i am SO sorry for the late response holy shit. i have been so so so tired all day but i'm gonna answer this before i go to sleep.

gosh literally. the way i don't know you, i literally don't know your name or your blog or your face or anything but i know what you've told me, and that's enough for us to make a connection, and to have so many conversations and words and questions shared. adsjkfasjdfsldfj yes platonic svthsa <333

bestie minor confession i didn't read percy jackson until like a couple years ago. rip. yeah okay... harry potter is a thing. cause like. it impacted me massively growing up. like, i read it for the first time in first grade. first. grade. and it just. had a huge effect, but now i feel so fucking guilty about that. like, how could i let it shape me and even help me grow in some ways when it has such harmful associations, yknow? whatever.

oooh time travel? that's so interesting actually. it's such a terrifying concept, something that can so easily spin out of control, but it would be so helpful, even for the most mundane things lmao.

hmm okay i think i take on personality traits from everyone i meet. if i see something in someone else, i try to soak it up and be like that too. some of it is probably rooted in some insecurity or something but hey! you're not my therapist and we don't need to get into that. anyway, fictional characters. god, i absolutely loved hermione growing up. but i think my favorite character was luna for the majority of my childhood? like, maybe it was just the "weird kid" in her that i connected to, or something, or maybe it was me not wanting to be like "other girls" when they dressed up like hermione and i staunchly refused to. i don't know. honestly, it's hard to pinpoint what specific traits i picked up but i think from hermione i tried to pick up the idea that sometimes, even if you respect authority, they're wrong and you have to go against them, and it's okay to do that. and also just like, it's okay to not always put school first even if that's what you're used to. i dunno. bleh. okay uh. my brain is not working. OH. also!!! mysterious benedict society shaped my brain MASSIVELY. i loved that series. my favorites were reynie and constance, reynie just cause he was always so... reasonable, and so charming and friendly and so himself and so likeable and i wanted to be like that... and then constance because she was just so obstinate and so powerful despite her age and it was just. real fun to read her scenes. i don't know lmao.

i'm getting my second vaccine tomorrow so i might seriously be out of it for the next couple of days, so if you wouldn't mind sending questions that are kinda lowkey? or just like, easy to answer, yknow? no psychoanalysis or real thoughts necessary sdlfjsldfjslf

your questions (answer whichever ones you want): in what weather, if any, would you enjoy wind? also, have books or tv shows/movies shaped you more, and which books/tv shows/movies or characters or plots or whatever? is there any sort of theme that you notice when you're looking back on the plots of things you used to enjoy, or characters you used to love?

[zoobus]

why are you friends with ranmaofficial? you're a black girl and he's an infamously combative white dude with a god complex and fascist dreams so like what are you doing lmao

Ranma is not a dude

True answer: I don’t remember why but Ranma came into my messages with three 15-page length peer researched articles for me to read with no respect to whether I understood the jargon used and then started discussing the concepts and ideas as if I already understood them which was extremely jarring and very obviously above my head but I didn’t want to admit defeat and read one piece about how full of shit the marshmallow experiment is and how we can extrapolate on that shittiness to address the alleged discrepancies in intelligence between races or the correlation between med students and eating disorders (for the former it was along the lines of “interesting that white supremacists love harping on how the children of Black-American/Black-American and Black-American/White-American children statistically have lower IQs than just White-American children but not the fact that Black/White-European raised in Europe children don’t have this discrepancy…Almost as if black children in America face a distinct consistent and constant degradation throughout their lives that negatively impacts their mental state that other races do not deal with🤔”).                                                                         It was a great essay even if it took me three days to get through it and nobody ever lets me talk in-depth about a topic before getting bored and cutting me off except ranma, sometimes. So hypothetically, if anyone wanted to talk to me, you’re better off ransacking my inbox with a long article about something you’re passionate about with follow-up questions rather than small-talk because I’m incompetent at chitchat

I’ve actually had a couple people come to me about this so FYI, Ranma is not a fascist, not a right libertarian, not alt-right, not a conservative. They’re Russian, raised in the immediate aftermath of the USSR’s demise, which is going to have a strong impact on one’s opinions of communism, regardless of whether you consider it “true” communism or not. Not liking communism does not inherently indicate a liberal or someone on the right. Also,

Ranma is a Rorschach kind of person. It’s more important for them to be correct than to only hammer on right-wingers being stupid. I think more than few people take them attacking leftist posters (and also, I’ll admit, penning some…touchy replies about sexism that I’ve vocally disagreed with) as evidence of being right-wing which, again, is wrong. If someone/thing on the left is incorrect, they see it as crucial to loudly disparage incorrectness rather than trivializing it as non-important which is why you might see “actually [MAGA avatar’d twitter user] is correct, leftists know jack shit about alt-right politics.” That’s them saying “leftists need to learn more about the particulars and nuances of alt-right conventions to better destroy it” not “you fucking commies know shit about my /pol/itics lmao” but I can understand why some would conclude the latter. I do not think Ranma’s is bad reasoning to be [infamously] combative. 

I’m fully aware of their reputation and regardless of it they have a multitude of great qualities, hold certain similar interests that are difficult to find, and has a comparable online history which means we share a lot of background.                                                         Let me self-drag a second and admit I don’t have friends irl and it’s difficult for me to make them online as well. Due to my upbringing, I’m super socially stunted, very immature and shy, and I worry a lot about coming across as a creep. I could write an entirely separate post about how often posts about “creepy men,” “mansplaining,” “dudebros,” or just posts starting with “I hate men” and end in something I do but didn’t know bothered others make me so nervous despite my being a girl, and make it very difficult to talk to people without feeling I’m inadvertently making them uncomfortable or pissing them off. I responded to a “mutuals post a number and I’ll describe you” ask and immediately felt like a manipulative freak when my mutual said something really sweet about me like I do not know how to handle normal people.                                                 In comes ranma who straight out the gate doesn’t give a shit about being perceived the wrong way which means I don’t have to worry either. I can relax, I can finally “be myself.” Bluntness can be a virtue.

It’s easy to get caught in an echo chamber but ranma often drag me out by the hair. Ranma is literally the only person who fully explained the dangers of "punching nazis” rhetoric to me without relying on You Are What You Hate, just-as-bad logic. Anyway, my point is that instead of riding the coattails of a smarter users’ posts like brett or taxloopholes or memecucker by adding a dumb quip like I often do, I am coerced into questioning my own beliefs and even though sometimes I wish it said with a little more kindness, ranma’s post often make me do my own research, if they haven’t already sent me the dissertation themselves (literally Ranma has never sent me something to read that was less than five pages, not once). Sometimes even when I agree with the subject matter, I’m pushed to think more critically, to understand why beyond gut instinct

contrary to whatever your opinion is, I’m not a Stepin Fetchit blindly Yes-Suh!ing everything that comes out of their mouth and I’ve publicly argued with them multiple times. It’s with them I’m without fear that disagreeing will be held against me or used to disregard anything else I say. Please don’t weaponize my identity, it’s hard enough to voice opinions antithetical to accepted thought in marginalized communities without you aggressively asking what the hell a black and a white could have in common. 

they’re very strangely more knowledgeable about my country than I am. Like about us still having Columbus day because of Italian-American pride, I really had no clue and about the southern strategy which is sadJust one of those types who seems to know something about everything and well-read in a way that makes me feel a bit guilty. Rattling off their favorite Mark Twain books they’ve read when I vaguely remember that Tom Sawyer painted a fence

it’s very difficult to find a friend who enjoys anime/manga and isn’t ashamed about it at this age

reblogs my selfies with comments

Come off anon you coward don’t lmao me in my inbox

[spnpolybingo]

Do all parties have to be have sex or be in a relationship? I see Polyamory as a sexual preference. To me It doesn’t mean that you are necessarily involved in it, its just what you're into. Let's take a ship, Aaron x Andy X Dean. What if Andy x Dean were in a relationship, having sex etc. Dean is polyamorous and wants another lover and fantasizes about Aaron but hasn’t asked him. Dean’s not sure Aaron likes guys. Does that count or do they all have to be involved? Am I looking at this wrong?

Boy howdy there is a lot to unpack here. Buckle in, I can be long winded.

A polyamorous relationship does not have to be sexual in nature. It can be. It can be a relationship that is sexual between some members, and not between other members.

There are a lot of different kinds of attraction and a lot of different foundations for a relationship. Simplified, some of the main kinds of attraction are sexual, romantic, affection, friendship. Being in a polyamorous relationship does not mean that all parties are involved with each other, or that all parties are involved with each other in the same ways.

Let’s get some basic terminology:

A ‘Poly Vee’ relationship is a relationship between three people where person A is involved with Person B, Person A is involved with Person C, but Person B and Person C are not involved.

A ‘Poly Triad’ relationship is a relationship where Person A is involved with Person B, Person A is involved with Person C, and Person B and C are also involved, all parts of the relationship are involved with each other.

A ‘Poly Quad’ relationship is one that involves 4 people, and there is terminology you can use to subset this about who is involved with whom else but it gets complicated.

You can have an Open Poly relationship where the people within the relationship may be involved with people outside of the relationship, sexually, dating, whatever it is. A person may be brought into the relationship, or leave.

There is also Closed Poly relationships wherein a set group of people are involved with each other but not with other people outside of the group. This could be a triad, a quad, or larger. But people will move around and be involved with others within the group, just not outside of there.

There are Swingers too! This would be a pair that has a relationship, and swaps partners with another pair. I’m sure there are people who swap partners within a set group of pairs, there are also people that will go to Swingers clubs or parties and swap with new pairs.

People can be married and poly, roommates and poly, dating and poly. In a D/s relationship and poly. The possibilities are endless.

Back to your example about AaronxAndyxDean!  (sorry that took me a while). If Andy and Dean are in a sexual and romantic relationship, and Dean wants to open this relationship up to 3rd party Aaron, it could go multiple ways. If Dean cheats on Andy by sleeping with Aaron, I don’t know if I’d consider this a polyamorous relationship, however, it could turn into one. Maybe Dean cheats, he and Andy fight or talk about it or work through it, discuss what they want and what they need with each other, and decide to open up their relationship to other partners, or to just Aaron in particular and have a closed triad or vee, sure, I’d say that’s poly. Relationships don’t always start out poly, they don’t always stay poly, they shift and change over time. If Dean is uncertain whether Aaron is interested in a sexual relationship with him, they could flirt or talk about, they could all get together with Andy and have pizza and shoot the shit, the could get experimental.

Consider involving underrepresented sexualities and gender identities in your fics/edits/art. The wonderful thing about poly relationships is how they can be molded to fit individual needs and seek fulfillment for all partners involved. Try asexual, demisexual, pansexual, bisexual, aromantic identities. Try characters who are genderfluid, or non-binary, or transgender. Play around with the dynamics and see what works.

Side note, a single individual who has a one night stand with multiple partners might not technically be considered a ‘polyamorous relationship’ but I’d totally include that content in this challenge. Hey, maybe there’s a ‘Meet Cute!’ gangbang at the local frat house that turns into a committed poly relationship! Generally, in a poly relationship there is at least a core of two people that have a relationship (sexual or romantic or other) and they are involved with other parties or multiple parties whether on a short term or long term involvement. It’s complicated. Don’t worry about it.

Maybe TMI here, but my husband and I are in a poly relationship so here’s some irl stuff for you. I have never been in a monogamous relations. I’m pansexual and aromantic. A lot of my earlier relationships were sex based, one night stands or casual friendships. When I met Nick, I was involved with a few other people on a semi regular basis. We would have sexual relationships with other people together and separately from each other. It was very much an open free for all. Throughout the years as we’ve learned more about each other and about ourselves, we have brought our relationship in a little tighter, we only really seek other relationships together. Whereas I prefer casual and sex based, Nick prefers long-term and emotionally bonded relationships. We work with each other on this. My longest lasting secondary relationship, ended a few years ago, was with a woman I had a strict D/s relationship with. There was no sex between us. My domme had multiple other subs and boyfriends etc, and within the few years that we were together Nick and I had sexual relations with other couples too. It was consensual among all parties. So, Nick and my relationship is malleable but there are certain rules and niceties to consider.

What I love about Polyamory is that it is as vast and complicated and beautiful as our own human hearts. It is something that we mold and create continuously into shapes that can hold our needs and wants. It is realizing that we do not have to be everything for our partners, and our partners do not have to be everything for us. It is seeking fulfillment and understanding. It is exploring ourselves and our relationships to our partners as well as how we as a unit relate to the world and to others. It is knowing that our love is a deep and endless well within ourselves that is not something to parce out and limit and withhold. It is coming to understand that sex, love, romance, are all their own things that may come together or separately. It is learning that sometimes there is an indefinable something more that is greater than the sum of its parts. It is sexual revolution and freedom. It is teamwork, and endless growth and death and becoming. It is anything that you make of it.

There is a lot more that can be covered, different kinds of dynamics and terminology, so I am going to link you to a few Polyamory articles/pages that might provide additional understanding:

This one has some great visual charts for different kinds of relationship structures

This one is a very detailed glossary of polyamory terms

This one has a lot of articles and forums for understanding different aspects of poly life

I hope that helped! Let me know if you any other questions. Remember that you are a creature of constant kinetic actualization of your potentiality.