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#and youre not gonna die about it. youre just gonna have to deal with it. like a person who cares abt others
swiftieblyth · 3 days
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Odair’s Miracle
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Warnings- pregnant reader, husband!finnick, typical hunger games let me know what else:)
“They’re still making up their mind,” Haymitch explained the other tributes in a rebel meeting. “She wants only Wiress and Beetee and Mags, and he’s gonna do whatever she wants.”
“Mags and I are a picked deal, she has to understand that.” Finnick protested.
“She’s the girl on fire, she’s not going to care. But if you all keep each other safe, and those two safe until we can get you out, then she might trust you enough to be allies. Finnick and Mags, you stay with them, Johanna you stick with Wiress and Beetee.”
“Haymitch!” Finnick called, running up to him as everyone started to leave. “We need to talk.”
“We do indeed. Not just about Y/N.”
“We gotta keep her safe, Haymitch. She isn’t safe here.”
“Son, you think I don’t know that? Your wife is like a daughter to me. You and I would both gladly die to keep her and that baby safe.”
“I know. So what are we gonna do?”
“I’ve been talking with 13. They have doctors there that will be able to take care of Y/N and the baby. Help with the delivery as well. I’m making sure they have everything you two will need. Dippers, bottles, pacifiers, everything.”
“Thank you.”
“Of course. As soon as we break you all out we’re all going to 13 and she’s going to go make sure the baby’s okay.”
“No,”
“No? What do you mean no?”
“I want her on the first plane there as soon as possible.” Finnick ordered. “I want her there before the games end. Before they start if that’s possible. The longer she’s here the more danger she’s in. I want to know she’s in 13 and her and the baby are safe while I’m in the games. She doesn’t know anything right now, but she’ll listen to you Haymitch. You’re like her dad. If you get her on that plane she’s gonna go. And I need her and the baby safe.”
Haymitch smiled at how demanding Finnick was about Y/N and the baby’s safety. “Of course. The night before the games, while everyone’s asleep, I’ll get her on a plane back. If anyone asks, she’s going back to 4 to be with your sister during the games.”
“Thank you.”
🔱🔱🔱
“Darling, I’m back.” Finnick called, as he walked into their hotel suite.
“Finny,” Y/N called from the bed.
“Is everything okay, my love?” Finnick asked, as he walked in to the bedroom.
“I just missed you.” Y/N explained. “And so did the baby.”
“Well, I missed you both two.” He smiled, getting undressed. “How was your evening honey?” He asked, getting in bed.
“It was good. I ate dinner and then came to bed. How was your night? Do you have any allies.”
“Yeah, I have some.” He sighed, snuggling up to her, lying his head on her chest, close to the bump as he placed his big hand on it.
“What is it?” Y/N asked, raking her figures through his hair. “I know that sigh, what’s wrong?”
“Katniss only wants Mags, and Peeta’s just gonna do what ever she wants. But she doesn’t seem to understand that Mags and I our a group. A packed deal.”
“I know. I’m sorry honey. But you have to give her some grace. She’s just a kid. You have to remind that.”
“I know.” He breathed. The baby kicked, maligning him smile. “Hi, baby.” He smiled, kissing where the baby kissed, and running his hand along the bump. “We love you.”
“We certainly do.” Y/N smiled.
🔱🔱🔱
“Finnick,” Caesar let out, holding the mic, while Finnick smiled at the audience. “I understand that you have a message for somebody out there. A special somebody. A somebody that might even be pregnant with your baby?”
“Yes,” Finnick smiled. “That’s the one. My beautiful wife, Y/N.”
“Now, I have never seen you cry before, Finnick. That was until your wife got called into the reaping. I think we all got scared when we saw how pregnant she was. Are you worried about the pregnancy at all? About the chance that you might not get to meet your baby?”
“Well, don’t say that, Caesar.” Finnick chuckled, putting on a show for everyone. “Of course Im going to get out, and go back home and to my wife. Be there for her throughout the rest of her pregnancy, and while she’s in labor. I’m going to meet my baby.”
“Of course you are.” Caesar let out. “But just in case you don’t, do you have anything you want to say?”
“My love,” Finnick started, looking in the camera. “You have my heart for all eternity and if… If I die in that arena, my last thought will be of your lips, and our baby.”
🔱🔱🔱
“Finny!” Y/N cried as Finnick walked into his dressing room, closing the door. “Finny, I love you so much!”
“I love you more, honey,” he let out, wrapping her in a tight hug. “You and the baby.”
“Please don’t die in there.” Y/N begged.
“I won’t.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Finnick went to answer, but there was a knock at the door. “Who is it?” He asked, walking to it.
“You know.” Haymitch called.
Finnick sighed and opened the door. “I thought we had more time.” He whispered.
“It’s now or later.” Haymitch replied, then he walked in.
“ Bubba!” Y/N smelled as Haymitch entered the room.
“Hey, kid,” Haymitch smiled, hugging her. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too. I haven’t seen you science the tour came to 4, how are you?”
“As good as I can be under these circumstances. How about you? How are you and the baby.”
“We’re also good, under the circumstances.”
“Darling,” Finnick sighed, walking up to her. “We need to talk.”
“What’s wrong?” Y/N asked, fear washing over her face as she put her hands protectively around the bump.
“Darling, there’s a rebel plan going on. We’re going to escape out of the arena and fly out to 13.”
“What?” Y/N gasped, tears coming to her face.
“It’s to dangerous to go into more explanation, but Haymitch is going to take yih to a plane. I need to know you’re safe in 13 before I go into the games tomorrow.”
“What? But, what about you?”
“I’ll be there soon, honey,” Finnick explained, cupping her face. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay. This is to keep you and the baby safe. You know Haymitch and I wouldn’t do anything that would hurt you and the baby.”
“I know. But I don’t want to leave you.”
“I know. But it will be okay.” He explained, kissing her lips, one hand on her face, as the other went to her baby bump.
“Here,” she let out, slipping off her sea shell ring that matched his shark tooth necklace. Wear this for me.”
“I will,” he let out, taking it, and putting it in his pocket. “It won’t fit in my fingers, but I’ll have my dresser tie it to a string for a necklace. You take mine, okay.” He said, taking his necklace off, and putting it around her neck.
“I love you,” Y/N cried, hugging him as best she could with the bump.
“I love you,” Finnick let out, kissing her head.
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starredforlife · 2 months
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i also personally don't think i deserve sympathy from people directly affected by my strange cocktail of neurosis i think i owe them an apology and explanation if they want to hear it, and for me to get better for myself. i think i can owe myself compassion and maybe a therapist who is understanding but i don't want people to feel obligated to empathize with my way of looking at the world bc put simply it's not healthy and it's far too damning . it's like i hadn't escaped the concept of sin that's been spun throughout me since day 0, i just created it again, with a new face, and decided to puppet god
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ruvviks · 2 years
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heavy is the head that wears the crown // [read the fic here]
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gaylos-lobos · 1 year
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like i think the insane thing about the episode is how it continued to push the collector-luz, luz-philip and philip-collector parallels throughout it to then just hand wave it, like why do ALL THAT and then just drop it? like why put so much focus on it and then just, nothing?
#also kinda turning hunter into fanon caleb two point O is. yikes to say the least.#like they had so much time to course correct and put focus on what’s actually important and just didn’t.#like if they wanted to kill Philip of in an unsatisfying way they could have just let him die at the end of kings tide and concentrate on#the collector or just cut the collector and keep focus on Philip if he was anyways gonna be the final boss.#they could have done hollow mind part two either with the collector in the beginning or when luz died she could have manifested in Philips#mind as she was passing on (<- i guess(like is the inbetween purgatory or what is it?))#make her go through his memories let her restore some of them. let Philip deal with the guilt you set up in kings tide. HELL LET GUS DO SOME#THING HE LITERALLY KNOWS FOR MONTHS THAT HE FEELS ACTUAL GUILT ABOUT THIS. LIKE DO ANYTHING PLEASE.#hell let the collector turn Philip into a puppet. trap him into one of those mirrors. like let the collector work together with king and eda#to trap Philip as luz is weakening him as she treads through his mind both in his stead and as an observer of it all#like what the collector did to Luz. Eda and King in the beginning episode is what the Caleb delusion did to Philip in ftf.#like what was the point of setting up Gravesfieled as a horrid cesspool that hasn’t changed. that literally forces outsiders to conform or#they’ll make their lives a nightmare to then just do nothing with that. like do somethin give us payoff for what is in the TEXT OF YOUR SHOW#like why make EVERYTHING HAPPEN BECAUSE OF CALEB ABANDONING HIS BROTHER AND BECAUSE OF GRAVESFIELD BEING LIKE THAT IF YOU ARE SIMPLY GONNA#DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WITH IT? especially after knowing that you would have to wrap up everything sooner why not course correct sooner then#the literal finishing stretch of your show. why hand wave it after setting it up? why not just cut it then (<- which still would have sucked#ass but at least it would have given them time they needed to write a more satisfying ending)#ramblings#toh spoilers#watching and dreaming spoilers#toh critical#<- i guess
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undead-potatoes · 5 months
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2, 8, 21 from the Tav list!
2. What relationship did your Tav have with their family/guardian(s) growing up? Has that changed with age?
Growing up in a (frankly understaffed) orphanage, he never bonded much with the adults around him, and what little familiar bonds he formed was with the other children. Unfortunately they all scattered to the four winds as they became too old and had to move out, and he only keeps some surface level contact with a few of the kids he grew up with. The only true constant familiar bond he's maintained through his life is his first mentor, Nana. She's the closest he ever got to a stable parental figure, and she wasn't all that stable nor maternal so you know. But she taught him what she knew, cared for him the best she could, and he in return has looked out for her ever since. They don't see each other that often anymore, but he checks in on her a few times a month to see how she's doing, especially as she's getting older and struggling to take proper care of herself.
8. Did your Tav have any romantic and/or sexual relationships prior to their illithid adventure? If yes, who was it with and what was it like? If no, how did they feel about being single?
Most of his relationships have been mostly physical, having had many a casual sexual relationship in the past. Dysphoria be damned, he likes to have a good time, and it's rarely a big problem when his partner is respectful of his boundaries. He thought he had found the love of his life, once when he was quite young, but it ended so messily and affected him so badly he just decided to keep things strictly physical so to speak. Whenever someone gets a little too close he freaks out and breaks up their little agreement, and in a worst case senario he just ghosts them entirely, thought that is a rare occurrence as he tries to keep things friendly at least. You kinda have to when you want to keep hanging out in the same social circles (he might have learned that the hard way when he was younger lmao).
21. How does your Tav feel about love?
He's a bit of a hopeless romantic at heart, to be honest, constantly having to catch himself catching feelings and getting just a little too into someone a little too fast. But as mentioned before he deliberately keeps people at an arms length, thinking it for the best from past experiences. Love is something he's had too little of in his life, and something he so desperately yearns for in between all his fears of it. Not just romantic love, but familiar and platonic love too. In truth he doesn't really know if true, unconditional love exists, or if it's all fairy tales and he was a fool for falling for it once. But when he's finally in a place where he feels genuinely loved, and feels safe to love in return, he's just an absolute sap about it. He tells people he loves them all the time, and it's just as scary and joyful every time. I also think it helps to have people like Gale and Karlach in his life, who are so unabashedly loud and sincere in their love for others that it makes it seem less scary.
From this Tav ask meme (Durge version)
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dmclemblems · 2 years
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fr tho, gotta love how ppl bitch about “the kingdom is problematic bc ppl are willing to die for their country and king and care about their duties”
but then you’ve got ladislava who is the same thing but turned up to eleven and has no character outside of that fact but nobody cares bc she’s not from faerghus
and you’ve got lorenz who dedicates himself to the commonfolk and would die for them bc he sees it as his explicit duty to ensure the protection of commoners to the point that if a commoner dies protecting him he genuinely believes he’s failed in his duty, but nobody cares bc he’s not from faerghus
#gotta love how blind ppl are to the allegiances of every other character when they just single mindedly hate one place#like if you're gonna argue smth or have a discussion at least know the facts of the places you're defending too#and if you're not defending and only saying smth abt another place then be ready to deal with comparisons#like the other day I had this guy arguing with me about faerghus' loyalty and how miklan can't be redeemed#but he couldn't deal with being wrong and kept changing topics or finding ways to try to be like#BUT PPL CAN RELATE TO XYZ WHICH IS THE OPPOSITE OF THIS#like... okay yeah but... ppl can also relate to zyx so what's the point of that argument#you can't argue something is flawed but then be presented with facts proving smth you're defending to also be flawed and#just pretend what you're arguing is the only thing wrong or not accept that what you're arguing just doesn't work#imagine being proven against an argument so you just switch to something else instead of admitting#that your argument (and a stereotypical one about an entire group of people i.e. country in this case)#is flawed itself bc you're trying to argue abt a whole nation's mentality and how you hate it but you don't hate#the mentality of the people who don't live there and have the exact same mentality#and on top of that like the whole Faerghus thing is an older generation thing bc like yeah Rodrigue is like that#but Felix isn't. Sylvain in Hopes only died in SB bc he went out angrily after revenge and died seeking revenge#not just bc he wanted his living friends to be safe. Sylvain is also not exactly ''knightly'' the way ppl say Faerghus soldiers are#he didn't consider it an honor to die for his country. he was just hoping his friends would be safe#and again he went into it thinking of revenge. it wasn't for some knightly duty or honor but bc he was still pissed abt Ingrid#Dimitri feels he has obligations and wants to help the commonfolk but he's suicidal as all fuck and also finds#no honor in dying the way Glenn died. Annette doesn't find anything particularly honorable and is just a family woman#Mercedes couldn't care less abt that stuff and is usually more worried abt Rhea and the Church#Ashe is a knight and is loyal but he doesn't really see ''honor'' in dying. he just would be willing to die to protect things important#to him. the only person in the current generation who avidly feels honor in old fashioned Faerghus standards is Ingrid#and let's not forget Leopold who... is also very much neck deep in loyalty and duty soooo#DCE Comments
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snekdood · 1 year
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You fucking idiots dont fucking get it. ive been taking care of plants since i was 14. Ive tried FUCKING EVERYTHING. Fungus gnats are just apparently gonna exist around me no matter what i do or try, apparently just like these yerfs who also seem to be breeding like maggots.
#please! non plant experts stfu forever.#please! if you dont take care of a grden or live by a heavily wooded areas and dont have any plants inside too that arent succs-#shut the fuck up forever!!#whatever you're about to suggest! ive fucking tried it!!!#but of course. like the yerfs you are you cant ever take me at my word for my own experiences. its always that yall know whats right always#and never that im actually fucking correct about the shit i talk about. like maybe its just really fucking hard to control their population#did you ever consider that sometimes you have to make sacrifices if you want to take care of something like plants? i have to wake up at 6#in the morning now JUST to keep the squirrels scared away from my planters. bc if i sleep in at all i risk letting my plants die bc of#their bs. unfortunately theres just shit that comes with plants that you have to decide whether or not your love for plants is greater than#whatever bs you might encounter while you take care of them. and unfortunately one of those sacrifices is having to deal with fungus gnats#and bugs in general. yall think its so easy to control bugs in my apartment. im poor. nothing is sealed here.#i had a fucking mosquito infestation. how does that even happen? i dont fucking know! but it did.#ive had a meal moth infestation. how did they get in? they were breeding in a little bag of old food i had for my hermit crabs.#how did they get in and somehow get to that bag all the way in my room? WHO FUCKIN KNOWS! I SUSPECT THOUGH ITS BC IM FUCKIN POOR#AND THIS SHIT AINT SEALED IN HERE WELL ENOUGH. i have bug problems all the time.#and you're gonna tell me its just suddenly so easy to get rid of gnats.#this is why ik none of yall *actually* take care of plants. like actually truly. outside of what. your succulents and the one palm you have#im really happy that you have plants you can deprive of water for a few days but i have marsh plants! i have swamp plants! I CANT deprive#them of moisture acrually! so its really not that fucking easy to get eid of the fucking gnats! i feel like i should have to fucking#explain this. if you actually took care of plants forreal forreal you would know they are just not fucking easy to get rid of.#but naw. im trans. so that means i never know what im talking about about anything or whatever and yall gotta act paternalistic about#everything i do. meanwhile im sitting over here ripping out my hair about how dumb and juvenile YALL are bc ik for a gotdamn fact if any of#yall ugly fucks ACTUALLY took care of plants outside of the ornamental ones you have this wouldnt be a discussion.#but naw ya saw a jokey post of mine about how i felt defeated in my ability to get rid of the gnats and decided i wasnt actually trying#bc for some reason yall gotta assume that no trans person actually just knows wtf theyre talking about literally on anything.#anyways i hope yall get plagued by gnats forever and all your planrs die from them devouring the roots.#its like yall are new souls coming in acting like you're an old soul and im the actual old soul tryna tell you what it is but yall are just#*so convinced* you're right because everyone says im the crazy old man on the corner so that means i dont know anything or some#dumb reasoning like that. like idk maybe this old man has seen some shit and knows some shit but sure im sure yall little asses know wrf#ur talking about. totally.
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samuraisharkie · 1 year
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Going on record to say I can’t stand scoutandcompany *bracing for impact*
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fractallogic · 1 year
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Me, the last person for the question “so what are your plans for the break?” to come around to during lab meeting today: idk it depends on when my mom dies and how much of the ensuing work absolutely needs to be done by me in colorado, because otherwise I’m either staying here or maybe going to see my dad in CA
Everyone else, who has answered various kinds of “staying here/visiting family/etc”: 😨
Me: don’t worry she has brain cancer!! It’s been like this for like seven months now
Everyone else: 😨😨😨
Me: oh yeah no it’s a good thing, it’s a relief honestly, she’s like, very unaware and close to death at this point
Prof, who has known about this since July or so: it does get that way, you know. *waxes philosophical about death and how college is stressful and important, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s not THAT important*
Prof: so on that note, I guess I should let you go! Have a good break everyone!! Congrats on finishing the term!!
Me: SORRY GUYS 😬
And then the prof and I had a nice very straightforward talk about how yeah, I don’t entirely know if I have to go, but it would be nice if I didn’t need to, and I’m not her executor but yeah it IS kind of weird that her boyfriend of ~5 years or so is, and hahaha well one of many reasons I’ve been mostly estranged from her are her weird decisions about things
But for real I’m very much looking forward to having some certainty about anything soon. Can’t wait to stop traveling as much. Can’t wait to just like, NOT think about death and brain cancer all the time and go down to my normal volume of calls from family members. Can’t wait to stop thinking about my mom all the gotdam time. I am TIRED let me REST
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Ya boi got a new medicine and a therapist.
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sandsofdteam-moved · 2 years
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good morning it looks like there's still residual mcc discourse but also apparently punz lost like 80RR from when George ended last night 😭 Praying he stays in immortal for the rest of the act if he ends in ascendant I will be pissed on his behalf
#discourse#<- I'm just gonna do a lil vent about it in the tags don't open them if you don't want to see it :] hopefully it all tides over soon#i think the discourse is stupid tbh it's not a hill to die on for either side 😭#like personally I both agree and disagree w drm and that's okay#I think they SHOULD have redone the event#bc a quarter of the contestants in a relatively small event is a significant amount and warranted some kind of action#and I'm aware that there was likely no way to manually change the scores but they should have just counted the best time across attempts#that way it's fair for both players who did disconnect and did great the second run and for those whose momentum got knocked the 2nd time#the way that they did it in competition was probably the best and only way to handle it which sucks :/#however he was totally right in questioning why they waited for so many people to finish before deciding to reset#most likely it's bc they needed the round to finish so they could replay the game but why not say anything at all until after 30+ finishes?#anyways. I think that he had every right to complain and also much like last sg the vod watch ended up w a karmic resolution so why care#look a fair analysis of both that rationalizes the reason for both shocking#ppl on the anti-drm side are overreacting bc he had both valid criticism and the right to do so#like imagine your entire team morale being super high bc they did great and then someone says jk didn't count do it again#and then you have to keep up with the expectation of the first time only to underperform like that'd be stuck in my head for ages too#plus around his little rants he made sure to say that it was his frustration towards what had happened and that sending the#crew/event hate was fucking stupid and no one should do that bc it really is a wonderful event and they put their souls into running it#is there room for valid criticism of both parties? hell yeah but it doesn't seem like anyone is actually doing it 😭#it's ppl with residual drm hate getting more ammo and making it into a bigger deal than it really needs to be#but we're also amplifying it like for the discourse to die ppl need to stop talking about it so this is my one little vent I'm done now#anyways. yesterday was epic like despite all of their setbacks and two of their best games sitting out yellow managed to pull it together#their epic skybattle rampage? george being cracked during meltdown? skeppy's only skb weakness being the border??#there's so much more stuff that we could be positively focused on#also george's first win in nearly two years dream reclaiming most landed shots in db skephalo making out in the winners' circle or smth#also after a really sad first db loss for drm last canon db he was in he managed to do so fucking well this time and sweep AGAIN#like they can't contain him even w anti-sweep mechanisms in place LOL#scuffed tourney for sure but it had such fun moments too we should focus on those
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moe-broey · 1 year
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NOT a Three Houses hater for the record. More of a fake fan than anything LMFAOOOOO
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orcelito · 1 year
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Staying out of tales of arise Anything bc I think I do want to experience this game organically bc those plot twists hit me like a fucking TRUCK.
I did look up an estimate for how long the game is tho. I'm at like 30 ish hours and if you focus on plot alone it's like some 40 hours. But I have been doing side quests lol so it probably isn't even 10 hours remaining.
A Little scared of how things will be after this point tho. The Vibes will definitely have changed. And oh God I just want to hold Alphen so tightly. He doesn't deserve this.
#speculation nation#tfw ur amnesia was a blessing but now you remember and suddenly you have to deal with Extreme Trauma#and he was already traumatized!!!! he was already traumatized and now hes even more traumatized!!!!!!#but let's be real this group is made entirely up of very traumatized people lol. such is the way of this world.#this game is so fucking brutal tho. like im used to tales games hitting much harder than you expect#but they went out of their WAY to make this one really fuck you up#im absolutely in love with this game. but WOW it is not for the faint of heart lmfao#which sure is something to say about a very anime looking game where you can go to the Owl World and the Owl King will give you outfits#and you can wear ridiculous accessories even during serious cutscenes (a tales game Classic)#and also you own a ranch.#i still cant wrap my head around that one hfkshfj like what do you MEAN i own a ranch?!?! and then i just Kill the animals?!?!?#like ya food meats but i thought raising chickens would give me eggs. me cooing at my grown chickens then going into the menu#and it's like 'your chickens have reached maturity! items received: Chicken Meat" and i was just like. 'O-oh.'#and then the chickens were GOOOONE but at least the cats and dogs stay around without me EATING them#i. prefer to not visit my ranch. i dont want to be reminded that all these animals are gonna die.#hfkshfjd and YEA ALL THIS alongside some stunning displays of moral ambiguity#& the utter horror and injustice of 300 years of subjugation#perfectly captured right down to the erasure of culture. these people having to look to ruins to get in touch with their culture#bc it was Taken from them.#just. it's a ridiculously over the top anime game just like any tales game but wow. wowowowwow#and im saying this after playing tales of xillia 2. aka still the only game that made me cry Twice.#arise is truly an astounding game. it's very definitely in the running for my favorite tales game.#we'll see how the ending goes lol but given everything ive seen so far. it is Likely to be just as stunning hdkshfj#raving about this game when i should be going to sleep. man . man. ..
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I really tried to give rings of power a fair shot but y'all wtf was this week's episode
#rings of power critical#not putting it in the main tag bc i know some ppl are still enjoying it#not entirely sure how bc imo the writing is so incredibly flat#the battle was so boring! and it took up the entire episode!#i felt nary a worry or a fear about who would live or die bc the characters are eithef flat or annoying#and suddenly a bunch of characters have like jumped forward in their arc?#but not in like an organic way. just from a to b to z with no other letters in between#like what do you mean halbrand is gonna be king now. he hated that shit 2 eps ago#theo was fully racist against elves but now galadriel is hot hes over that i guess#elendil and isildur having a father-son moment like theyve developed that relationship at all since last episode#where are the hobbits. theyre the only redeeming feature of the show bc they feel like whimsical 80s fantasy#but they got shunted out for 70 minutes of a battle that had no tension whatsoever#oh wait adar is also a redeeming feature bc i do want to know whats going on with him. like whats his deal#but back to the battle. browyn's whole wounded situation. wtf was up with that#it was so slow and laughably relaxed#like shes just chilling there on the table with an arrow fully through her chest#and arondir and theo are like 'uh i guess we better slowly try and stop the bleeding'#shes talking like normal. barely out of breath. woman you have an arrow through your lung!!#also im sure she was blasted with 2 arrows what happened to the second where did it go#ill shut up now even though im sure ill think of another thing that bothered me in like 2 seconds#feel bad for the actors though bc theyve been getting shit for the wrong reasons#its not bad bc black characters exist its bad bc the writers dont give a shit#theyre acting their little hearts out on these mediocre at best lines#okay shutting up for real now
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#this is gonna be so tmi sorry i’m advance but#how am i supposed to deal with having a body and every mental illness and stomach problems and throat problems and being ugly and having no#hobbies or life skills or a job#i need to find a job but i also have to deal with my stomach and my throat so i can be well enough to actually move my body to find a job#but i don’t have much money left so i can’t focus on those things either so i’m spending literally hours a day in the bathroom and it hurts#to speak#and i don’t want to feed myself i don’t want to take my meds i don’t want to do anything but get high which also physically hurts also bc#throat#and i have to do PT everyday so i can shit better but i also need to find a job so i can’t waste silly energy on things like that but then i#can’t get a job because i feel like shit and am shitting literally all the fucking time#and obviously the logical thing should be to just take care of my health today so i can be good to#tomorrow to find a job right? wrong actually! tomorrow it’ll be something’s#and the day after that#n the day after that#and every day after that one too!#but no one is actually willing to help me with anything because i am a 1 dimensional human being who spawned yesterday who has never heard#of things like “’building tenacity’ and ‘having structure’ there’s actually nothing wrong with me i’m just lazy i guess!#but if i wanna kill myself that’s wrong and bad and needs to be stopped immediately#other people seem to look at suicidal people and go ‘i have no reason to want to kill myself so other people just need to push it through :)#thug it out lol’ and it’s like actually these are very good reasons to want to die#i have spent the last 9 years actively in treatment actively working on myself actively trying to build a better life#it has only gotten worse#don’t talk to me about getting over to the other side. i’m on it. it’s just as bad as every other one of the sides#life doesn’t ever get better for some people and just because that wasn’t true for you and your life did get better doesn’t mean other#peoples lives every will get better. like it is straight up not possible for me to have a better life. and i know this for a fact because if#it was#i would have it now and i would have had it for a while
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hecksupremechips · 3 months
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Persona 3 reload should not entice me with those damn shiny bells and whistles!!!
#persona#the klock keeps ticking#yall already know lol#like first off its fucking 70 bucks??? what the hell?????#so unfortunately its gonna be a minute before i can possibly play it unless idk i have more money on my ps4 than i remember#but also yeah just that one big thing the shinjiro thing just has me so aaghh#like ive already said my deal with all that many times so you know how it is im very torn up about choices to keep the original story#and not have the coma route just cuz like i think it fucking sucks and its pretty like triggering honestly#but godddd why does the game have to be so pretty and cool looking aaaghhh#and shinji is there too and he will be all shiny and pretty as well so its like grrrr#im just saurrr conflicted idk man okay i wish my brain was normal and i could stop being such a goddamn asshole like hnnghh#girl why did i have to get so attached and relate so hard to the tragic suicidal character whose purpose is just to die lol#its a horrible comfort character to choose when youre also suicidal and going through a life crisis#its like oh boy you know what would make me feel really happy amidst all this depression?#playing the really good looking game from my favorite series with my favorite characters!#ahaha oh god whats going on with shinjiro why is there a gun ahaha 🌝#you think id learn my lesson after p4 but alas i didnt#and im aware the game is a tragedy about life and death and its ✨dark✨ or whatever#so expecting a character like shinji to miraculously get a happy ending is all ooooh against the point or whatever#but i think thats just stupid and idk suicidal characters should be written better 👍#and either way whats important here is that it bothers me and thats whats conflicting#cuz i so desperately wanna play and enjoy this game cuz i really did have a great time with portable#but im just not sure if i can fucking deal with this aspect i just really really hate it so bad#maybe i should just play the game and stop on 10/3 lol#or maybe ill just bang my head against the wall until it splatters everywhere and i can finally stop being so annoying about stupid shit#and ruining a stupid video game for everyone because i have to be soooo ✨triggered✨ by everything like a damn sjw fuckwad#also if anyone actually reads this lemme know if you have the same problem with shinjis death as me or if im just being weird#cuz i genuinely dont know anymore 🤔
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