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youre-not-my-real-mom · 6 years

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Ruin It All

Warnings: Angst, a little fluff, death

The mission was going fantastic… until it wasn’t. Everyone got into position and we all entered the Hydra facility simultaneously. Nat and I were making our way to the file room to retrieve the intel we needed. We got in, got the files, and were out in no time flat. I had just said to myself, “This seems too easy.”

Then I got shot.

I fell – hard. My head literally bounced off the floor and I began to see stars. My vision cleared enough for me to take note of Nat kicking the Hydra guards ass. Soon enough, she was running back to me and speaking. No, shouting. She was shouting. I couldn’t hear a word she said at first.

I shook my head slowly, hoping that would help. Somehow it did and I heard the huge fuss my friend and colleague was making.

“Hang in there, Boo! We’ll get you help!”

I smile at the endearment. She started calling me Boo the first day we met.

“Hi! My name is –”

“I know. I read your file.”

I looked down at the ground in shyness. “Oh…”

She just smiled, noting my uncomfortableness. “Relax. I do it with every newbie we get. Don’t flatter yourself.”

I don’t know if it was the way she said it or her easiness at the whole situation, but I returned her smile with one of my own. Still a little on the shy side, but a smile nonetheless.

She continued to grin at me. “Let’s get you introduced to the rest of the team.”

She walked around the corner and as I went to follow her a figured popped out from said corner half-yelling, “Boo!”

It scared the shit out of me.

I jumped back and got into a defensive pose until I heard laughing.

“Oh, I am almost sorry. That was one of the best reactions I’ve gotten yet!”

Natasha stood there and proceeded to laugh uncontrollably. She laughed and clutched her stomach for what seemed like ages. Meanwhile, I was trying to catch my breath and cursing myself for not being more on guard.

Finally, the woman calmed down enough to form more coherent sentences.

“I think I’m going to like you. Although, your name doesn’t fit you. I’m gonna call you Boo from now on, kay?”

It’s not like I had a choice. She was walking away before I could respond.

She didn’t even throw a glance over her shoulder when she shouted back to me.

“Come on Boo! There’s lots to show you!”

I smile at the memory. Natasha seemed so intimidating at the time. Who knew she would become one of my closest friends?

I hear more shouting and turn my head slightly to see Steve sprinting up the corridor towards us.

Stevie. Oh, Steve is another good friend. What would I have ever done without him to guide me back then?

“Good morning.”

The chiseled blonde smiled at me as he cooked his breakfast. I was still getting used to the fact that I lived with Captain America. I meant to ask Natasha to pinch me to see if I was dreaming. I thrived off stories of this man. How he was just a scrawny kid from Brooklyn. How he joined even though it was unlikely he’d get picked. How he got picked. How he lost his best friend in combat not once, but twice. How he selflessly risked his life to end the war by piloting a plane headfirst into the frozen ocean.

The day I heard he was found in a sheet of ice and returned to the land of the living was one of the best days of my life. I remember screaming so loud the neighbors had called the police thinking someone was being murdered. My mom gave me a stern scolding, but I didn’t care. Captain America was alive! No one could bring down my smile for over two months. I wanted nothing more than to meet him and now there I was: living with the man, the myth, the legend.

“Good morning, Mr. America.”

His smile remained intact when he said, “I told you. You can call me Steve.”

He had only said it a thousand times in the week I had been there and I know he must be tired of telling me. He was just so kind and patient. The stories don’t lie.

“I know. I’m sorry Mr.—” I realize my mistake and quickly correct it. “Steve. I just guess I’m still a little starstruck is all.”

Again, he smiles warmly, understanding lacing his bright blue eyes before turning back to his cooking.

“Would you like some breakfast? I made some extra.”

Of course he did.

“Yes, that would be lovely. Thank you.”

He fixed both of us up a plate and joined me at the table. We ate in silence for a while. I assumed I was bouncing slightly because he soon spoke up.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Smiling down at the table, I shake my head. “No. It’s nothing. Really. Sorry.”

He chuckled. “No need to apologize. And if you have something on your mind, you can tell me. I’m here to be your friend.”

I believed him. How could I not? He’s Captain America.

I bit my lip, debating whether to voice what was on my mind. Looking up at his sincere expression made my decision for me.

“I was just wondering...”

He nodded at me, but didn’t push. Like I said: kind and patient.

“I was wondering if you could tell me about… before. Ya know? Before…”

I trail off but the change in his expression lets me know he understands exactly what I was asking.

“You don’t have to. I’m so sorry if that hits a nerve. I just… I was a huge history nerd. Still kind of am and I had heard stories but was hoping for a more detailed, accurate account of things from someone who has been there and you were and… yeah…”

I was rambling. I’ve always rambled when I’m nervous and that day was no exception. Luckily, Steve didn’t take it to heart. He smiled his warm smile and placed a hand on my shoulder to gain my attention which I have since given my half-eaten breakfast in front of me.

“Hey. It’s fine. I don’t mind a little story telling. Plus, how could I say no to a huge history nerd like yourself?”

My shy grin poked through at his gentle words and I nodded.

We spent the rest of the day talking about his time before the army on the streets of Brooklyn, his time in the army (save for a few difficult pieces that I knew better than to ask about), his time after waking up in a new world, having to figure out all this new technology and new way of life pretty much. I sat mesmerized, but at some point, relaxed a lot more as the day wore on and his soft voice soothed my racing mind.

Since then Steve has been my history buddy. We’ve gone to every museum in New York City. I found out about his love of art and we hit every art gallery and showing as well. It was safe to say, after my awkward crush was pushed aside, Steve was one of the truest friends I could’ve asked for.

I’m now being carried through the facility by Steve. I don’t remember how we got to this section. My head starts spinning and I want them to put me down. I look up to find the same chiseled jaw that really should be in a modeling catalogue.

Steve’s face looks upset and worried. I don’t know what made him so upset. So I got shot. I’ve been through worse. I would heal. I always did. In fact, I could barely feel the bullet wound. That had to be a good sign, right?

Somewhere in the back of my head, my brain was telling me that no, that was not a good sign. I didn’t care. I just wanted to go home a curl up on my bed watching Netflix. That reminded me: Nat, Wanda and I had a girl’s night planned for this coming Saturday. I couldn’t wait.

Sam joins us at the next turn and his face falls at the sight of me in Steve’s arms. I want to reassure him that I’m fine, but the words won’t release themselves.

I see Wanda in the distance racing for the jet, but not before taking in the sight of our little pow-wow group.

Thinking back to my meeting Wanda and Sam has me giggling in Steve’s arms. By the look of his face, he didn’t understand I am just laughing, but I can’t help it.

I had just finished my workout with Nat when I walked in on an impromptu card game between Wanda, Sam, and Rhodey. Rhodey excused himself to go to bed, leaving an open chair.

“Hey newbie! Come show us what you got!”

I tried to wave them off, but Wanda smiled so sweetly at me and I couldn’t say no.

I sat down and Sam cheered, very loudly… in my ear.

“Yay! Now we can scam someone new!”

I scoffed at him, giving him my best “don’t fuck with me” stare.

He just laughed and knocked his shoulder against mine. “I’m joking. Well, sort of. It all depends on how you play.”

He began to tell me the rules and how to, dealing the cards as he went.

We played until the wee hours of the morning, which made for a bitch of a time getting up for my early training with Steve. It was so worth it. We talked and laughed. I learned about how they joined the Avengers. Wanda was still really quiet around me, but I couldn’t blame her. Heck, I was shy too. But over the night, she loosened up and laughed more and more at my stupid puns.

Sam, however, was a riot. I began to think he didn’t think the guy had an off button. What Wanda and I lacked in words, he made up for in everything else. He was loud and proud. The only time he got quiet was when I talked about losing my mom when I was young in a car accident. I was in the car also, but miraculously unharmed. I didn’t tell them that night about the hard years after when I acted out and rebelled against everyone. That was the time Wanda told me about losing her family. I saw the understanding in her eyes. She got it. She knew. That night marked a change in how I saw her. Any time after, if I was angry or upset at my past, I would go to her. We didn’t talk as much as Nat and me, but when we did talk, shit got deep quick.

Sam became my crazy friend. We loved getting drunk together. The alcohol only made him louder, if that was even possible.

The quinjet is now in view. I spot Bruce waiting with the same anxious face everyone else is donning. Didn’t my friends understand I am perfectly fine?

I could hear snippets of conversation pass between Steve and Bruce. Something about the bullet in me, an artery being hit, internal bleeding. They went on but I stop paying attention. I’m fine. Sure I wasn’t wearing a vest, but that was only because Nat and I were the sneaky team (my words, not hers). We needed to be able to move quickly and quietly. Armor and vests didn’t help us in that department.

I feel the jet take off and Nat’s face swim into my field of vision. She looks funny though. Almost… blurry?

“Boo! Can you hear me Boo? We’re going to be home shortly! I need you to stay with me!”

Well of course I’m going to stay with her. Where else was I going to go? We’re on a jet. Her voice sounds funny too. Distorted, kind of. I think I nod, but I can’t be sure. I suddenly feel overly tired. I need a nap. Probably from one too many Netflix marathons. I really should cut back on those.

I don’t know how long it takes, but, sooner than it should’ve, we arrive back home. Steve carries me through hallway after hallway. It feels like a de ja vu moment. I try to laugh, but I ended up choking. Wiping my mouth, reveals blood. Lots of blood. In my mouth. How did I not notice that before?

I hear a loud voice and it hurts my aching head. So did the lights. They should be turned down.

“BABE! DOLL! WHAT’S GOING ON? STEVE! STOP! LET ME SEE HER!”

I think Steve replies but I can’t hear anything besides a weird bussing noise. I feel myself being placed on a stretcher and shortly after another face spins into view.

His voice lowers when he speaks again, which I am extremely thankful for. “Doll. Doll, can you hear me?”

I try to nod my head but don’t know if I succeed. I just try to focus on the face in front of me. It’s that moment that I notice they’re all moving, fast. I want them to slow down. The pace makes me dizzy.

A big hand grips my much smaller one.

“Doll. I’m here, okay? I’m here. You’re not dying on me today.”

Bucky’s words hit me like a brick. I’m dying? I don’t feel like I’m dying. I feel pretty nice considering I had just gotten shot. I remember feeling the initial impact and pain, but there’s been nothing since the hallways. Maybe they gave me something there. God knows I couldn’t recall.

Everything passes by in a blur, but Bucky remains consistent. The pressure of his hand in mine and his eyes boring holes into my own make the whole situation seem silly. I couldn’t have been hurt that bad. Bucky is here and I am safe.

Bucky was my first and only love, even though I thought he hated me when he first arrived.

It was about a year after I had arrived. Bucky showed up and was introduced to all of us. He seemed quiet, like me, but he had a different sort of energy around him. Mine was playful and more puppy-like. His appeared dark and brooding. It was that first day that made me determined to see him smile.

I tried everything from inviting him to watch Netflix with me to baking him his favorite goodies (which Steve clued me in on). Nothing worked. If anything, I only seemed to piss him off. Lucky for him, I was persistent.

It took me two months to wear him down. One day, out by the pool, he snapped.

“Why can’t you leave me the hell alone!”

He didn’t shout exactly, more like yell-whispered. My smile faltered a little, but I glued it back on. This man was going to smile whether he wanted to or not.

“I just want to be your friend Bucky.” My voice was extra sweet.

“Why would you want to do that?”

“Because I’m a nice person.”

He scoffed. Scoffed! “Well, I’m not nice so I can tell you to leave me the fuck alone.”

I continue to smile, not letting him see how his words affected me so.

“Everyone needs friends.”

“Not me.”

He shut his eyes and went back to his sunbathing. I pouted and stared at him. He reluctantly looked back up to find my eyes glued to him.

“Can’t you take a hint?”

“Obviously, not.”

I didn’t mean for it sound so flat and sarcastic. I was going for nice, but had managed to screw that up.

My eyes widened in horror as I had realized what I’d done. Bucky’s eyebrows raised as well. I was ready to turn tail and run when I hear him laugh. Laugh! He laughed almost as hard as Nat did my very first day.

“Oh, Doll. You do have a feisty side.” He continued to chuckle and smile to himself.

I was confused. “Huh?”

“I thought you were all sunshine and rainbows. Never say a mean word to anyone. Hell, I didn’t even know how you were on a team that dealt with violence most of their lives. But now I see it.”

I tilted my head even more. “I said two words.”

He smiled, genuinely smiled at me. “Yes, but it was enough.”

Over the next year and a half, Bucky and I became a thing. Three months of being friends lead to our first date on the rooftop. A week later, our first kiss. A month later, we became exclusive. Two months after that, we christened his bed in our throes of passion. From then on out, we were what most people would call a couple. We never put a name to it due to our lifestyles, but we knew that we each belonged to the other and no one else.

Everyone else gave us crap for the first few months, until they saw Bucky’s huge improvement. He talked more, actually, he engaged more altogether. He smiled more and laughed more. Steve even pulled me aside to thank me for helping his best friend out. I politely informed him that I wasn’t doing anything but being myself. All credit was due to Bucky.

I could see what Steve was talking about though. Bucky was like a whole new person.

We always knew what the other meant to us, but we never voiced the feelings aloud. That is, until one night.

After a very strenuous workout session, Bucky and I laid in his bed. I was resting on my stomach, while he drew lines over my back with his fingers. Everything was so relaxing.

“Doll.”

I hum a response, too comfortable and tired to do anything more.

“You know you mean a lot to me, right?”

I hoped his super soldier hearing could pick up my muffled voice. “Yes, Bucky. I do. As do you to me.”

“I want to tell you something… but I’m not sure how you’ll take it.”

This caught my attention and I raised myself up to face him.

“You can tell me anything. You know that.”

He nodded his head, but I knew he wasn’t paying much attention. He was lost in whatever he felt needed to be said.

Finally, he schooled his features and faced me.

“Doll. You have made me a better man. Without you, I don’t know if I would’ve made it. I care about you, deeply. Probably more than I should considering we’ve only known each other a short time. I can’t help it. You’re intoxicating. I can never seem to get enough of you and I don’t want to.” He stopped to take a deep breath. “I think I love you… but I’m afraid to tell you because if you don’t feel the same way I might implode. I have no right to ask this of you and I’m not even sure I know what love is, but I think I have it… with you. If you’ll let me.”

Time froze then and there. My breath caught in my throat and I had to pound my chest to remind my lungs how to work. It was only about a second or two before time started back up again.

“Bucky…” My voice was a breathless whisper. “I think I love you too. I was always afraid to tell you. I didn’t want to scare you considering your recovery” I smiled shyly at him, hoping I didn’t say something wrong.

His returning grin put the sun to shame. He lunged at me and hugged me tighter than ever before. He didn’t let go for several minutes and I was okay with that. Pulling away, his eyes shone with a newfound lust. All my tiredness ebbed away at his words and before I know it we were back at it again, tangling his sheets even more.

We stopped in a room. People were milling about, shouting to one another. I only recognized Bucky and Bruce, who now had on his doctor garbs. Bucky’s hand still gripped mine as tightly as his hug so many months ago. I think back to all the other times we shared. Him taking over my training. Getting ice cream on super-hot days. Introducing him to Netflix marathons. Missions together when one of us got injured and the other would wait on the injured until they were fully recovered.

I’m not sure if it was the gunshot wound or the thought that hit me that knocks the breath out of me. I had just realized that I’m probably dying. All the blood, the word “artery,” the people prepping for surgery. I was dying… and I never got to tell Bucky how I truly felt. We left the words at “I think.” I needed to tell him that I knew I love him. He deserved to know.

As if he read my mind, he looked down at me with tears in his stormy blue eyes.

“Doll. If you can hear me, I need you to know—” His breath hitched and he had to collect himself again. “I need you to know I love you. Whole heartedly. With every fiber of my being. So because I love you. Let me ask you to do me one favor.” He paused another second and I wanted him to just spit it out. “Please. Don’t die. Please don’t die. I will do anything. Anything. Just don’t die on me Doll. Not now. We still have so much to do—” His voice cut off and tears were streaming freely down his face.

I need to tell him that it’s okay. I was going to be okay. I would pull through like always.

I needed to tell him I loved him too. Whole heartedly. With all my being.

I couldn’t though. There was too much blood in my mouth and no air left in my lungs to spare. I could only watch as he cried over me.

Black started to seep into my vision and I fought. I fought with everything in me because Bucky needed me and I wasn’t going to let him down. Sadly, the darkness was winning. Slowly, but surely, it seeped until it all but covered the bright, white room. The only thing I could clearly make out now was Bucky. His grip in my hand loosened, or maybe I stopped feeling it.

Bucky was the last thing I saw as the darkness took over and my eyes closed. His cries, the last sound echoing in my ears as I drifted off, pleading for me not to go.

#angstilicious #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #marvel #angst #slight fluff #i need help #ruin it all

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youre-not-my-real-mom · 7 years

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Taking her

You are taken by Hydra. Told from Bucky's thoughts on the matter.

Warnings: Angst, death, Bucky feels

They took her.

You were gone.

Just last week, the both of us were sitting on my bed. You were drawing circles on my chest and I simply stared down at you, trying to guess what shape was trying to take place at the end of your fingertips.

Now…you were gone.

Hydra had taken you. Just like they take every goddamn good thing in my life.

I’m going to get you back.

I stumble into the conference room. All eyes turn to stare at me. I ignore them and slump into my seat. I try extremely hard to not notice the empty seat to my left. Steve places a hand on my right shoulder.

Stark starts the meeting explaining how we were going to infiltrate the base they believe you are being held in. Afterwards, we all gear up.

The quinjet is prepped and ready to go and soon we’re airborne. My grief slowly burns away into anger and an eerie calm takes over me. Steve notices, but chooses to wisely not say anything. They all know I’ll stop at nothing to get you back.

The door barely lands on the ground before I’m jumping out and sprinting in the direction of the base. I hear the others try to keep up. In my ear, Steve whispers for me to slow down. I listen finally as the base comes into view over the ridge and the rest of the team slows t a halt next to me

Quickly and efficiently, in a way only Steve can muster, he recites the plan. We break up and I head for the front door. We decided I’d be a great distraction, make them think I came alone. I bust down the door and hardly spare the guards in my way a glance as I take them all out. I drop my magazine and replace it with a new one before taking off down the halls. Guards continue to drop at my hand as I make my way to the cells, or where we believe the cells are.

Grunts and groans fill my ear as my team is slowly uncovered.

So much for a distraction.

I don’t stop and finally find myself in front of huge steel doors. Turning the giant wheel that serves as a handle, I grip my gun and stand off to the side, letting the door swing open.

Gunshots ring out from inside, but slow when no one appears; that’s when I show myself. The guards only get a brief glimpse of me. I slither inside before they even hit the ground. Frustration overtakes me as every cell I pass comes up empty. I reach the last cell holding my breath… nothing.

I want to scream. I need to scream. Instead, I whisper quite vehemently into the comm, “She’s not here.”

Steve answers first. “Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m fucking sure. Every last cell is empty.”

No one knows what to say for a few seconds and all I hear is people getting smacked around, presumably the guards.

“Okay. Everyone back to the jet. I’m almost down downloading all their files. Isn’t much, but hopefully there’s something in here that can help us…”

The others agree. I have to clear my throat a couple times to affirm and turn to the doorway.

I stop in my tracks and intake a breath.

The team are asking me what happened. I hear Steve saying he’s coming to me. I can’t find my words…

I can’t find them because you are standing in the doorway.

I whisper your name and hear everyone on the comms freeze. It’s only for a second before I hear Steve pounding his way to me, faster than ever.

I take a step towards you, my arms outstretched.

Why haven’t you run into my arms yet? You love to run into my arms.

I keep taking small, slow steps towards you, fearing if I go any faster, you’ll disappear.

So close. I’m so close to you when another man steps out from out in the hallway, halting my progress to assess this new player. He’s wearing a lab coat, but underneath is a bullet-resistant vest. He laughs.

“Hello Soldier. Having a good time?”

No words come out of my mouth. I’m in shock as you haven’t moved away from the man. In fact, you take a protective stance beside him. A protective stance against me.

I’m the enemy in your eyes.

Except your eyes aren’t showing any kind of emotion at all. They don’t hold the slight sparkle that burns bright whenever you laugh or the wetness of tears when you get so angry you just cry out of frustration.

They hold nothing but the look of someone completely dead inside.

They look like my own when I was the Winter Soldier. Before I met you.

A shiver runs down my spine as realization washes over me and it’s almost enough to bring me to my knees.

“I see you’re all caught up soldier. You see, our new protégé has progressed much faster than you ever did due to some brand-new technology. She doesn’t remember you… and if I have my way, she never will.”

Her eyes stay focused on me, dead and unmoving.

Anger once again resurfaces and I reach for my gun I had holstered earlier. Before I know what hit me, I’m on my back, staring up into your beautiful eyes. They may not recognize me, but their beauty refuses to fade. You have me pinned: a knee on my waist, a hand on my throat and the other holding my left arm. I try to move, but barely manage to squirm a little bit.

“I should have waned you Soldier to not make any sudden moves. She’s very protective.”

I stare into your eyes, hoping for a glimpse of the real you. There’s nothing but a calm coldness.

“Babe,” I start to whisper despite the hand at my throat. “Babe. Please. Snap out of this. It’s me. Bucky. Please, you’re stronger than this.”

The hand simply tightens its hold, cutting off any other words.

The Hydra scientist laughs again. “It’s not going to work, Soldier. She’s gone. For good. Now, we are going to leave and you’re going to let us. Come Драгоценный (precious one).”

The hand releases from my neck and I scramble to my feet. You start to walk away from me. I grab your hand and you turn. For a split second, I believe you are going to just change your mind and come with me back home. Then your hand flies to punch me in the face. It’s so fast I don’t see it happening until it’s over and I’m back on the floor.

I glance up in time to see you disappear into the hallway with the scientist. Tears cloud my vision.

I lost you again.

Steve soon fills my vision, asking what happened. I tell him I’ll explain on the jet and we hurry back together. Outside, I search for any sign of you, but no luck.

They took you again.

On the jet, everyone looks mostly okay with only some scrapes and bruises. Funny enough, I have the biggest bruise from where your sit connected with my face.

“What happened Barnes? Run into wall?”

Stark laughs at his own joke.

“No. It was Y/N.”

The birds outside don’t even chirp to fill the void my words left.

“Y/N? Are you sure?”

I nod to Natasha. “Yes, it was her… and a man, scientist.” I correct myself, venom filling my voice. “Hydra have made her into the next Winter Soldier. Only this time, she’s stronger, faster, more everything. She took me down before I could blink.”

Bruce looks about ready to lose it. Tony’s jaw couldn’t be any closer to the floor. Steve is giving me that pity look I hate so fricking much. Nat and Clint stare at one another, seeming to have one of their private conversation. I… well, I feel broken. I take a seat before my legs give out on me and shortly after, Steve plants himself by my side. He reassures me that this isn’t my fault and how we’re all going to find a way to fix it.

I know it makes me horrible but I just want to scream at him.

It’s two weeks later when we get a hit on your location. France. We suit up and head out. No one speaks, but no one has to. Everyone knows what’s at stake here. You. Your life. Your mind.

I vow to save you. I will save you. I have to save you.

We touch down in a clearing and disembark. The facility isn’t that hard to enter. In fact, it’s too easy. The nagging sensation blooms in my head and stomach, but I ignore it. I need to find you.

And find you, I do.

You are waiting for me in a large open room, just standing in the middle of it. It appears to be a room for sparring considering the mats on the floor. You don’t move as slowly approach, whispering to the team that I found you and for them to steer clear until I’ve assessed the situation.

Your eyes are so cold. It makes me shiver as you stare me down. I’m halfway to you when you burst into action. Sprinting directly towards me, I barely have time to take a defensive stance before you fly through the air with a foot aiming for my head. I manage to block that attack and the next few. You finally catch me in the ribs and it hurts like a mother fucker.

You taught me that phrase.

A punch to the face snaps me back into reality.

We’re a flurry of movements and find when I’m not caught off-guard, I can stand my own against you.

We break apart, both breathing heavily. Another shiver sets down my spine at your hard stare. I decide to try words again.

“Babe. Can ya hear me? I need my Babygirl back. I love you. Please come back to me.”

The stare remains in place and that’s when I notice the camera in the corner of the room. Of course they are watching us. They always were ones to sit back and observe scenarios.

I take a single step forward and your body goes ridged. I hold my hands up in surrender and try to appear us unthreatening as possible.

“Love.” I drop my voice to a whisper. “Please, help me out here. We can go home. Watch one of your favorite horror movies. I’ll draw you a bubble bath and massage your feet. You can rant about anything you want and I won’t say a word. Just, please… come back to me…”

When your face makes no change, I almost drop to my knees. As it is, tears fill my eyes. I hear the team communicating over the comms. They are saying this is a trap. I knew that the second I stepped into the room. They set us up. Hydra wants to tae even more from me than they already have. My team’s grunts and groans fill my ears as they fight the force that sprung up on them. I should go and help, but you’re my mission. I need you to come with me. I need you to come home.

Your breathing becomes more even, as mine becomes more erratic. You blur behind the tears in my eyes… and your eyes still don’t change.

This isn’t you. If you saw me crying, you would’ve curled your arms around me and whispered soothing words in my ear. You’d take me to our room and lay me on the bed. You’d tuck me in and offer to read a story to me because you say you like to read to me out loud. We both know that you only do it because I secretly love hearing your voice read to me, but neither of us admit it and we’re okay with that.

I would love to be able to hear your voice right now. Your real voice. Not how you sound as the robot they made you into.

Suddenly, you’re running towards me again. I’m so lost in thoughts about you. You jump on top of me and I struggle to get out of your grasp. You’re reaching for my gun and I wrestle you for control of it. Suddenly a gunshot rings out.

You stop and your eyes go big. You turn your head down to watch the blood staining your shirt for a few seconds before turning back to me. Your eyes show you’re surprised. I’m surprised too. I just shot you.

As if in slow motion, I watch you fall to the ground. I catch you before you fall. You don’t fight me anymore. You don’t have the energy. I see you’re fading fast and once again, tears fill my eyes.

“Babygirl. Baby. Pease don’t die on me. You can’t. I sorry. I’m so sorry.”

My sobs echo in the large room and your expression remains unchanged.

“I never meant for this to happen. I love you so much.”

Your eyes start to flutter and I feel your heartbeat slow down.

“I’m so sorry love. I’m sorry. It was never supposed to end this way. I love you. You’re my whole life.”

I grip you tight and hold you. My tears never stop falling as I look into your eyes. They appear duller now. But they are focused on me. I watch you part your beautiful lips and suck in a breath. I lean closer to hear what you have to say. Hope flares in my chest out of nowhere… then you start to speak slow and croaky, but steady and lacking any type of emotion.

“You’re my mission.”

You go limp and I know I truly lost you. They took you from me for good.

“You were mine too.”

#angstilicious #bucky x reader #angst #it's supposed to hurt #kind of hate myself for this

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