Annie Mae Young, Bars, ca. 1965 [Tate Modern, London. Souls Grown Deep Foundation, Atlanta, GA. © Estate of Annie Mae Young/ARS, NY. Photo: © Stephen Pitkin/Pitkin Studio]
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i miss you but you don’t even remember me
we never really spoke to each other. you don’t even know what i look like but i still miss you. i was the child that randomly walked into your life and then refused to leave because i needed you. i was young and i was in pain but you were there for me. i learnt everything about you but you didn’t ever want to know anything about me.
on one day you told me you were just like an onion with ‘many layers to your personality’ and i thought that was the most fascinating analogy ever. and then i read about it in a book.
love, rosie // 2004
another day you said you were watching ‘the breakfast club’. i asked you what that was and you said, ‘obviously, you wouldn’t know about it.’ i thought i’ll watch it some day. i still haven’t.
the breakfast club // 1985
you told me your birthdate and i spent months trying to contact grant gustin through his manager just because you told me you loved watching ‘the flash’. i wanted to give you an incredible gift but ended up making an elaborate presentation. i still remember your birthday and i send you a message every year which i delete within a week because i’m embarrassed that i haven’t forgotten it when nothing of me remains in your memory.
instagram 'happy birthday' text // 2022
you told me you wrote poetry and played basketball and that reminded me of troy bolton from high school musical. you said you also knew ballroom dancing. i thought you were the coolest person i’d ever met.
high school musical 1 and 3 // 2006, 2008
my favorite book is ‘the perks of being a wallflower’. i read this quote and started getting teary-eyed because it reminded me of you. you were to me what charlie’s anonymous friend was to him. i didn’t mean to trouble you but i guess i did.
the perks of being a wallflower // 1999
we shared a common love for cats. your favorites were grey british shorthairs with blue eyes. i’d send pictures of them to you constantly.
pictures of cats // grey british shorthairs
i am not surprised by how little i mean to you since i forced myself into your life. i’m sorry. i truly am sorry. and i’m sorry for constantly coming back into it. i’m sorry for saying i won’t do it again but still sending you long paragraphs pleading for forgiveness for being a nuisance.
sorry for writing all the songs about you // clara mae, 2018
i know i left abruptly but that was because i was scared you’d leave first. i’ve been left before so i thought it would hurt less to be the one to do the leaving but i guess i was wrong. i still miss you. and i think about you whenever i'm sad because i met you when i was at my lowest.
summertime sadness // lana del rey, 2012
- missing someone is painful. there’s always feelings of grief and sorrow that comes with reminiscing memories with them. but the most devastating feeling is when the person you miss doesn’t even remember you exist. when you’re nothing more than a faint memory of their past but to you, they were everything. you thought about them for the years that followed even though it hurt you every time they crossed your mind -
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Annie Sprinkle( a pro porn feminist) and Mae Tyme(an anti porn feminist) In Conversation
Mae Tyme: In 1995, there was a big story when I was in Europe about two girls, ten and eleven years old, who had escaped from a porn ring. They’d been kidnapped. The porn ring was busted, and they discovered other girls who had been starved, beaten and enslaved.
Annie Sprinkle:
That’s horrible.
Once I was making a little sex magazine with some friends, as a labor of love, not a big money making thing. We unknowingly hired an undercover police woman to be our typesetter. The people whose house it was had two kids, who were not involved in any photographs. The parents made a living making magazines from pictures that people sent them.
Twenty-five state police officers came into the house with guns drawn, arrested us and confiscated everything, from tampax to the dog’s leash. In the family photo album there was a photo of the two kids in the bathtub naked when they were three and five, the same photo every family has.
The newspaper headline said “INTERNATIONAL CHILD PORNOGRAPHY RING BUSTED”. The two kids were put in dreadful foster homes for several weeks which really traumatized them. That’s when I realized how much the press perverts the facts, and how sex negative attitudes are used to hurt innocent people.
Every time I do a lecture at a college or a reading at a book store, with my good intentions, inevitably this scary topic about children being abused comes up.
Mae Tyme: The same thing is used against lesbians. We are called child molesters. Undercover police used to bust us for what we were doing innocently, good heartedly and among adults. We view ourselves as nice people. We point out over and over that most molestation of children and others is done by straight males.
Annie Sprinkle:
I’ve been putting out sexually explicit images of myself for years. I know this sounds bizarre, but somehow it makes me feel safer.
Mae Tyme: Being very out as a lesbian makes me feels safer. I think blatant is best.
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The full interview is here. CW for outdated language use in some sections
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Annie Mae Young, "Postage Stamp" Medallion, (cotton, synthetic-blends, satin), ca. 1985 [Souls Grown Deep Foundation, Atlanta, GA. © Estate of Annie Mae Young/ARS, NY. Photo: © Stephen Pitkin/Pitkin Studio]
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