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#another attempt being made
the-woman-upstairs · 5 months
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Really fucked up that, when they’re young, Patrick and Art are SO tactile with each other, so comfortable sharing the same space. Art lets Patrick touch him and move him and physically overwhelm him and easily acquiesces to it, if not outright enjoys it.
Then in the present, they’ve been so far out of each other’s orbit for so long, held such animosity that when they have their moment alone in the sauna, Art physically recoils from Patrick’s close proximity! It’s so painful to watch because even as Patrick’s goading him, it’s so obvious he wants to be able to get back into Art’s space. But Art has erected all these walls around himself, he refuses to give Patrick an inch or even admit to missing how close they used to be!
AND THEN we see Art and Tashi later and he wants her to hold him, to be gentle with him, and just TOUCH him. Like, he does miss that kind of close physical contact! He either doesn’t know how to ask for it or is uncomfortable being that openly vulnerable. Worth noting that he pretty much always defers to Tashi in regard to initiating physical intimacy (with their first kiss, though he does state his desire, SHE has to be the one to make the first move). And it seems pretty obvious that Tashi herself isn’t comfortable providing that intimacy, whereas Patrick actively seeks to provide it (the hug/forehead kiss after their win together in the early years, dragging the stool closer to him).
Art has tried very hard to act like he doesn’t need physical affection and even though his discipline and devotion to Tashi has made him a stronger tennis player, it’s made him a hollow person, which, in turn, has kept him from becoming a GREAT tennis player.
All of this, of course, is why the ending hits so damn hard.
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bubblingsteam · 5 months
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pavlien · 22 days
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it happened again.
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grimalkinmessor · 1 year
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Once more frustrated by people seeing Light's various moves as stupid because they're looking at it from a point of omniscience and not from the perspective of Light himself and the information he had access to :')
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nonstandardrepertoire · 4 months
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as a Jewish transsexual, the Jewish ethno-nationalist¹ sales pitch has always left me cold.² over and over again, i've heard people plugging the State of Israel offer some form of the following: "history teaches that we can never fully trust non-Jews with political power to protect Jews; the only way to make sure Jewish people are always safe is to create and maintain a state where Jewish people have the political power, so we can look out for ourselves"
but the thing is, the worst transphobic harassment i've experienced in my life has come from Jews. i don't think this says anything about the relative transphobia of Jews vs non-Jews, anymore than the fact that most of my birthday presents come from New Yorkers says anything about the relative generosity of Californians, but still. the people who followed me out of the subway filming me while yelling transphobic abuse were Jewish. two of the most relentless boosters of the current wave of transphobia in the US — Ben Shapiro and Chaya Raichik — are Jewish. i should be safe in a state run by such people?
and the obvious response is to say that, well, this is about keeping me safe as a Jew, not necessarily as an anything else. it's a bulwark against anti-Jewish violence, not every other -ism under the sun.³ but the thing is, i'm not a potato-head person. you can't just snap off the trans part of me and the Jewish part of me and say the latter part is safe even when the first isn't. i'm 100% Jewish and 100% trans; if i'm not safe as a transsexual, i'm not safe as a Jew. and if i'm going to be having to fight transphobia anyway, what difference does it make if the people passing bills stripping my rights are Jews or not?⁴
if you really lean into the logic at play here — "no one outside a vulnerable demographic can be trusted to care about people in that demographic" — it's easy to wind up in absurdity. because if i can't trust goyim to have my back as a Jew and also can't trust cis people to have my back as a transsexual, perhaps i need a state run by and for Jewish transsexuals. but wait! white Jewish transsexuals are certainly regularly horrible to, eg, Black Jewish transsexuals, so we probably shouldn't be in the same state together, to say nothing of separating out the poor, the disabled, those without college degrees . . . and before you know it, you're committed to the idea that the only just world is one where we're each a state unto ourselves, perfectly safe in absolute isolation from one another — no society, no coming together across difference to lighten the burden of living, just infinite atomization, the perfect unending unwinnable war of all against all
and this, i think, reveals the fundamental futility of the project. as a transsexual, i don't think my safety will ultimately come from removing myself from people not like me. safety, i think, comes not from cutting ties, but from building them. i will only really be safe in a society that accepts difference, multiplicity, strangeness, variety. i will only be truly safe in a society where we come together — across the gulfs that separate us — to take care of one another
i think there are illuminating parallels with feminist/lesbian separatism here. in its most extreme versions, such separatism abandons the demand that women be safe around men and instead attempts the task of building a space without men for women to inhabit. similarly, it seems to me that Jewish ethno-nationalism abandons the demand that Jewish people be safe around goyim and instead attempts to build a space without goyim for Jewish people to inhabit.⁵ i think Jews can and must be safe among goyim. i think women can and must be safe among men. i think trans people can and must be safe among cis people. that is the kind of world i am committed to fighting for, not one where we give in to fear and retreat into gardens walled by suspicion and hostility⁶
i'm not going to pretend that that's an easy world to build.⁷ i'm not going to pretend i can point to a bunch of stable, just, pluralistic societies and go "eh, just do what they did!" (altho there's no shortage of societies i can point to that went the "this place is for us and only us" route and wound up producing dystopian nightmares⁸). i'm not even going to pretend that i think building a just world from where we are now is inevitable, or even that i always think it is possible. there are days it is very hard to believe. but i always think it's worth striving for. if a just world that guarantees a good life to all isn't worth striving for, what is? if we are to suffer defeat, let it be a slow defeat, a long defeat, a fighting defeat. i am not willing to give up on my neighbors. i am not willing to abandon the charge of seeking the good for those not like me. i am not willing to abandon the hope that will seek the good for me despite my strangeness to them. and i reject any philosophy or politics that asks me to do so
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¹i'm using "Jewish ethno-nationalist" here because i think it's been subject to less semantic dilution than "Zionist", and i want to avoid semantic arguments here as much as possible. whatever prescriptivist arguments you want to marshal that this or that term should mean X, i think it's clear that the descriptivist ship has long since set sail when it comes to "Zionism". (when pushed for specifics, i've seen self-professed Zionists and anti-Zionists outline essentially identical political programs, which certainly makes it seem to me that these terms are of minimal utility at best)
²obviously, what's happening on the ground is very bad. but critiquing what's happening on the ground often runs into severe questions of evidential reliability and can also leave the impression that Jewish ethno-nationalism is a good idea implemented badly, which is why i want to take aim at this level here
³given the European origins of this movement in its modern incarnation, i think it's unsurprising who gets imagined as "just a Jew" and not any other marked category. and from there, i think it's also unsurprising (if depressing) how various Jews who do exist in other marked categories have been and are treated by the "Jewish State" — the promised safety turns out to be predicated on all the usual axes of whiteness, wealth, ability, and so on
⁴indeed, i have often found that groups predicated on the idea that "we're all in alignment here" are often much more resistant to acknowledging members' various bigotries than groups not predicated on that assumption
⁵and, similarly, this attempt to cleave the world along one axis of hierarchy invariably reveals the inadequacy of one-identity-only frameworks for tackling the full complexity of the world. among other things, feminist/lesbian separatism has come under sustained critique from Black feminists like Barbara Smith for sundering ties of solidarity that are critical for fighting racism. victimhood and oppression are not fixed, ontological states, but fluid, shifting, contextual relationships. we cannot undo the snarlingly intertwined systems of oppression by replicating them in miniature
⁶the fear is certainly a real emotion; it is one i have felt at times myself. sometimes it is even based on an accurate perception of the world! but also: sometimes not. my fear of kitchen knives spontaneously levitating and flying around the room certainly feels real to me, but it's not a thing that can actually happen. one of the really hard things to do in the world, i've found, is parsing out the fears that are just feelings i'm having from the fears that tell me actual actionable information about the world and then striking a livable balance between reasonable precaution and paranoia. precautions against danger often come with their own set of risks: locking a door to keep out potential thieves ups the odds of being trapped in a building fire; using a different complex password for every site raises the risk of forgetting one and having a critical account shut down; the medications that drastically cut the frequency of debilitating migraines can raise the likelihood of other adverse health effects. more broadly, viewing neighbors with suspicion, fear, and distrust has a corrosive effect on the social fabric, and makes it harder to structure society to make sure everyone has food, clothes, housing, healthcare — all the things a society is supposed to do. (it's hard to convince people to take care of people they're afraid of, especially if they believe (rightly or wrongly) that they will have to give up something they care about (usually money, but also convenience, prestige, power) for that to happen.) and that corrosive effect can get very extreme — when fascism wants to recruit you to its cause, the sales pitch is usually less "hey, do you want to unleash horrific violence against those folks over there?" and more "hey, aren't you tired of being ~afraid~? don't you want to feel ~safe~? isn't it about time you had all the wealth, respect, and power that's rightfully yours and that's been kept from you for so long?". fear isn't the only way that horrors get unleashed, but it's a very potent one. (i don't think there's a formula for striking the right balance here. as with so many balancing acts, too much comes down to context and the specifics of all those involved, not least because the scale and nature of threats can vary so wildly. i believe that everyone deserves to be safe (insofar as any of us mostly hairless apes clinging to a thin crust of dirt on an iron ball whirling thru the cosmic void around a sphere of nuclear fire can be safe from loss, grief, accident, disaster, or misfortune...), but being and feeling are different matters, and pursuing the feeling of safety without limit can easily lead to logics of annihilation.) (and indeed, i am not the first to be struck by the fact that in many ways it is in the interests of the State of Israel, as a state, if Jews feel unsafe in the rest of the world, because that feeling of unsafety is so easily leveraged to both increase political support for the State of Israel and encourage Jewish people to leave the Diaspora and move to the State of Israel. which, unnervingly, is where you sometimes find the State of Israel and its agents taking the position that Jews don't belong anywhere that isn't the immediate environs of Jerusalem, a position that is ultimately indistinguishable from any number of dime-store Judeophobias)
⁷indeed, i think this is one of many places where it's easier to identify the problem than it is to solve it. many middle schoolers can explain the problem of Fermat's Last Theorem; barely a handful of professional mathematicians in the world could explain the proof. my cat can figure out how to break a vase even tho he can't reliably find a toy he's just been playing with when he's sitting directly on top of it (it's fine, he doesn't follow me on here, i can say that about him); in some cases, a skilled artisan can repair the vase so it functions again; no one in the world can turn back time so that the vase was never broken to begin with. it's easy to invent chessboard solutions to entrenched societal conflicts — move this border here, enact this constitution there, change this societal attitude for all involved, and hey presto!, utopia. but the world is not a game of chess. education, advocacy, activism, political organization, even wildcat direct action — these are all slow, effortful, uncertain processes, and everyone with a different vision of the future is also exercising their agency to change the course of events. i think societies are easy to break and hard to repair. in many cases, i don't really know how we go from here, the real world as it actually is with all its shattered bones and aching wounds and long-festering resentments, to there, a world of true justice. but i think it's worth trying. i think it's worth imagining. i hope you do too
⁸like, idk what even to say if "Germany for the Germans" doesn't set off alarm bells. even if they raised up a brand new continent from the ocean floor, i still think i'd be wary of the political project of building a ~Jewish state for the Jews~. i don't trust nationalism of any flavor. i think the Diasporic notion of feeling kinship with and responsibility for people all around the world regardless of borders, flags, kings, bureaucracies is beautiful and worth cherishing and protecting. i don't dream of finally being on top of the hierarchy; i dream of there not being a hierarchy to begin with
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toxooz · 8 months
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i dont know if you've ever said anywhere- but we know that Remy and Ollie are both half orcs and that Ollie's other half is ~Demon~
Do we know what Remy's other half is or is that a future secret?
I'm just curious cause Ollie is So Clearly Orcish so is Remy's other half just super strong blooded or is he a twink?
SHEW yall I've been sittin on a huge lore breakthrough with Ollie and Remy that my high ass accidently unlocked a few weeks ago that I've been debating on just dumping here but I'm still considering if it's too spoilery for what is literally just about to come up in the comic, but tbh it would probably just help contextualize things a little better so IDKK if i dont drop it soon it'll be after-not this update or the next-but the one after but before I slap a little snippet, the short answer is I still don't know what his other half is exactly, it's demon no doubt but a mangly unimpressive one for sure. Adding onto that I don't even know what Remy's mom is part UUH and imma have to design her up Real Soon so im still wracking my brain for that one. The closest I got right now is maybe the demon resembled a giraffe somehow hence the giraffe esque spots on Remy ??? both Ollie and Remy's "fathers" came from the same demon cave hence the kinda dark look even around Remys eyes and similar horn stripes:
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believe it or not it isn't eyeliner LMFAO its basically what Ollie has horn with just to a much lesser extent (they used to be more of a brown hue to i guess show that they weren't as tough and more sensitive to the touch but making the comic i kinda dropped it oof) but anyway the whole reason Remy was born in the first place was just for a "anything you can do I can do better" attempt by Remy's mom (Mogaks sister) ie. a lil snippit from the lore dump in the drafts:
*SIDE NOTTE Remy's mom has mental issues due to the hierarchy in the orc community over being a half orc and the fact that she isn't involved in combat and just minds the village, so she already wasn't really seen highly of (Mogak would treat her equally however) meanwhile Mogak was a pretty hefty solid full blooded orc and was a warrior of sorts and a leader in that aspect (her 'occupation' for lack of better word wasn't necessarily THAT high ranking in their society considering battle fighting was a common 'career' within the orc tribe so she's still even among the orc community, but still well liked and respected regardless) but her sister was seen as less-than in subtle ways. Due to her tough upbringing she quietly dealt with jealousy of Mogak throughout her life and during their young adult years she would take up the habit of trying to outdo Mogak with little things. When she was told about Mogak being pregnant with Ollie by her quest into a demonic cave, she planned on doing the same. The demon she ended up mating with wasn't all that great to say the least and didn't put up much of a fight either (Mogak declared a battle with the demon she wanted to make the deal with and chose a Pretty Fukkin Big Ass Boi one of the biggest in the cave I'd argue) so that's why Remy turned out Like That. After everything happened and they moved Remy's mom still carried self conscious habits and would get with men who would play off of those insecurities
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crowlore · 1 year
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i remember it used to be a bit of a fandom pet peeve of mine that some people would forget that the gung ho guns and eye of michael were two separate groups with some membership overlap but then stampede came along and made the eom into a project of conrad’s backed by knives. another example of how the reboot feels like bad fanfiction.
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sysig · 2 months
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Can’t, too busy flirting ♥ (Patreon)
#My art#SCII#Helix#DAX#ZEX#FRICK I forgot ZEX's bruises lol#I drew them in the sketch even! It's why his left eye is closed rather than his right fjdsaklfdfds#Well DAX will probably have that ankle brace on him still by the time ZEX's face and neck are all healed up anyway *handwaves handwaves*#Anyway lol#I've been wanting to try my hand at the ''heartbeat'' style for a while now! Pretty sure this is my first ever attempt! :0#I guess that one blushy react I made a couple years ago for VLH could count? But that was with vectors so#Was mostly curious as to how long it would take and how tedious it would be with my tablet#Using my crayon brush for the lineart and colours made it more fun :) Very unconcerned with how ''clean'' it would look by the end#Which I think is how this style is meant to be approached - if it was too smooth or too aligned then it wouldn't move!#I think I like it well enough :)#I had another one I was thinking about doing first - even sketched up a while ago now - but this image hit me most recently#New shiny - you know how it is :P#And they're so cute how can I resist <3#Max being shorter than Dexter is So good and then ZEX nad DAX are in there and it's just jdkslafd#Extremely yes very much so agree#They're cute! I love them!#Someday I'll get really good at DAX's parade rest pose because I keep attempting to draw it correctly and haven't yet#But I haven't given up!! I'll get it someday!!!#ZEX is effortlessly adorable so that's easy lol#Even if I didn't get the bruises his blush was still real fun to texture :)
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cashmere-caveman · 1 year
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My Country: The New Age, first and last episodes & Hanif Abdurraqib, For The Dogs Who Barked At Me On The Sidewalks in Connecticut (text/audio) image descriptions in alt
#damn imagine if hui-jae was well written beyond like episode 7 or so. wouldnt that have been something.#just saying but if they had actually leaned into the parallels between these three instead of doing ... whatever weird comphet stuff we got#it couldve been so good!!!! or even if they had just let her keep her fun gender!! but no :(#im so glad hui-jae is busy being the occasional third in hwa-wol and mun-boks marriage while seonhwi raise goats in seo geoms village haha#anyway. enjoy yet another half assed post abt parallels and heartbreak in the parallels and heartbreak show <3#also do urself a favour and check out the whole poem hanif abdurraqibs writing is insane#my country: the new age#mctna#han hui-jae#nam seon-ho#seo hwi#caveweb#actually no i still have sth to say. like im not even mad that theres comphet im just angry its so bad like??? what was that#that wasnt even half assed that was like quarter assed at best#also the hui-jae / seon-ho axis is so tragically underused#like i respect that they just fully made them both hwisexual but couldnt we have at least gotten more than some crumbs#they went from vaguely friends to bitchy antagonists to i dont even think of u at all and thats honestly so lame#tension of a wet lettuce leaf. seon-ho was the one who made the first step towards friendship in ihwaru and he also warned her abt his dad#and wingmanned hwi (took hui-jae to see hwi kick ass) like in the beginning he was the one w the people skills!#and u are telling me apart from one extremely unbelievable attempt at a love triangle w the 'last drink' scene u never did anything w them?#like so much of my grief w this show hinges on the fact that there shouldve been more Good Times before everything went to shit#to make it hit harder bc imagine the beef if seon-ho and hui-jae had been actually good friends before he betrayed hwi#them seeing each other at court as the king and queens respective confidantes wouldve been so much better like !!!#wait actually i need to stop here i can feel myself getting hangry i need to eat lunch but imagine. imagine#the good timeline where hwi just got to be fully bisexual and there were more divorce flavours than just hwi/seon-ho and hwi/bang-won...#solarpunk_future.jpeg#nam seon ho#han hui jae#<- thats just bc i never fucking know what the consensus on the romanization of everyones names is#i personally go w the hyphenated method but lots of ppl write each syllable separate and ive seen the kpop variant (written tgt) used too
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tropicalcontinental · 1 month
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#digital art#tropical's art#art#cw eyestrain#eye strain#rain world#rw slugcat oc#I decided to make the neon green and red slugcat an actual fusion between a latern mouse and a slugcat#Also Jace but slug cat#The other guy was still made by Two Sided Coin in an attempt to recreate themself as another organism#Though I wonder if any other animal in rain world can be modified#I reckon they can#But since slugcats were originally purposed to clean out iterators and other organisms can't easily travel through their superstructures#Genetically modified slugcats are the most efficient way to transfer messages through secret means (like spearmaster)#So makes sense there aren't any other modified animals unless it's a slugcat#But Two Sided Coin is having fun so they're able to make whatever they want#Including random fusions#Though I wonder if they're limited on making what creatures they want#Since if it's a scavenger or lizard#It can't really leave their superstructure#So slugcats and their fusions are mainly what they do unless they somehow found a work around#As for the slugcat!Jace? Idk he's just there adventuring out (his frills are just for show I suppose)#Bulkier than your average slugcat having a similar gimmick to gourmand with the bodyslamming and the added ability of mauling too#but as a trade off he's probably slower and less flexible#As for neon green it's a lot faster but not as fast as rivulet#I like to think it can flash any predators with a burst of neon green and red light to stun them#It's coat gets a lot duller as a result and it gets brighter until it's back to being a walking eyesore#It can also grapple with its tail and also glows thanks to being part latern mouse#I mentioned it was poisonous so maybe this is just the super easy mode of rain world since nothing wants to try and eat it#But that's no fun so it just looks poisonous
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bonefall · 2 years
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So what do your leaders do all day? In the cannon clans it seems like they just sit around at camp all day and let the deputies do all of the work. Until the plot needs them anyway.
Leaders are given 9 lives for a very important purpose; they are supposed to live as their Clanmates do, understand them, and guide them as shining examples of what a warrior should be.
A leader who's inaccessible is considered a failure. Clans can't do anything about this until ASC and it's rare to begin with, but their clan WILL get upset about it.
Patrolling, sparring, hunting, and even cooking are all things a leader should be doing. Is it still very high-pressure? Yes. Ultimate authority rests on them.
So what's a deputy for?
Busywork. Day-to-day decisions that would prevent a leader from actually engaging with clan life. Setting up patrols, gathering news, settling small disputes, etc.
You could consider them a very authoritative secretary. If a Clan is being TOTALLY run by its deputy, that's a problem. If a Clan is BARELY being run by its deputy, that is also a problem.
So, expect to see cats like Firestar just around more often. It's not shocking to see him return from patrol or a little walk, carrying a mouse or two.
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blimbo-buddy · 1 year
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"If you can't speak your ethnicity's own language then you're less of that ethnicity" I'm going to make sure you forget how to eat
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gh-0-stcup · 5 months
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My thing is that I just do not trust a single person who was involved in the show. It just seems like a lot of PR to fix their image and foster sympathy/goodwill/interest.
#i haven't seen compelling evidence that anybody actually tried to fight for canon (and reciprocated) destiel#just admissions that they played into the subtext#(which we already knew - that's why spn's been considered a prime example of queerbaiting since like 2011)#and non-committal statements about the pairing being compelling#edlund seemed to specifically say he wasn't censored/forced to rework due to the gay#yeah misha said the cw's homophobic and suggested the network was the barrier#but at least half of what comes out of misha's mouth is bullshit#like he also said they tried to pay him to stay bisexual#and as a result there's now a bunch of support being tossed out to the writers and some fans are talking about them like they're heroes#who valliantly fought against a homophobic network and were totally going to make dean and cas a couple#but were foiled by said network which is why the show ended with the gays being buried yet again#you see in the secret unreleased version...#and if we just let jensen make another season he won't let us down because of xyz vague statements#nevermind that he made a new show where cas was also never mentioned - cw censorship#nevermind the straightwashed version of soldier boy he's playing - that's kripke's fault#nevermind the statements he's made in the past about destiel and dean's sexuality - he's changed his mind#you can tell because he's said it's okay for fans to have their own interpretations about the series#idk maybe i'm too cynical and i'm being unfair#there's just too much vagueness from pretty much everybody for me to put faith in their intentions#especially if they are seriously considering attempting to revive the series - this sort of thing is great for drumming up interest#the writers being censored by homophobic execs is a familiar narrative ofc - but i don't see anything solid to suggest this is what happened#and it's not like there weren't queer relationships on tv when spn was airing - the show ended in 2020#it isn't even like there weren't queer relationships shown on the cw during spn's run - there were more than a few#i just have so many questions#spn#destiel
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nerosdayinanime · 1 year
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knock knock let me in let me be your secret sin ; left right straight ahead theres no way out youre dead
#neros art tag#kny sabito#sabito#fratboy sabito posting#halloween au#labyrinth(oomph!)#sorry giyuu... muse replaced lmao#i love this song sm#anyways im adding this to the halloween au#another fic i started and never finished. concept is fun tho#the hashira work for an organization that rescues & protects magical creatures and helps whoever they find in unethical experiments#the fic starts with giyuu and kyojuro being a team in a raid on some place that got their hands on an ookami- they find sanemi & genya#whove been medically altered with its body parts in an attempt to make. something. they didnt get info on that before the raid#sanemi got its limbs and genya got some of its organs & they like literally just finished the surgery when the raid started so they were#real fucked up. sanemi's limbs were in a fucking box in the corner. anyways i ditched it at the point when shinobu came to see if they#were okay for transportation#i was just drawing to the song bc i like it sm but now im thinking they find some place that made a monster labyrinth to gamble off of#they trick poor people into trying to survive for prize money and they have other ppl bet on who'll win. winner's prize money goes to the#people who bet on them & they get to be the next test subject for monsterfication and subsequently tossed in the labyrinth#no one wins here. its all life or death and theres a lot of death.#giyuu thought sabito died long ago but he was actually taken and attempted to be mashed-up with a kitsune- it didnt work- he got tossed in#the labyrinth. corrupted memories and temperment due to the kitsune's powers- hes learned to survive against the other monsters#giyuu infiltrates as a contestant while some other hashira do so as workers/gamblers and giyuu has a run in with sabito & freaks th fuck out#especially since sabito's trying to Kill Him#i should add more body horror to this au. sanemis not enough for me
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luvsavos · 8 months
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i am once again apologizing for my lack of activity/responsiveness
my childhood cat passed away a few days ago which has just been more stuff on top of everything else for me to deal with to stress me out and upset me
i'll try to get back to stuff. Eventually. as soon as i can</3
#mar.txt#still very much upset about losing him,but it's kind of faded for numbness now#still not holding up great though especially considering how sudden it was#he was all fine and healthy and then just suddenly started to rapidly go downhill and within like. two days he was gone#he was so weak. couldn't move almost at all,his meows were barely just meow-sounding exhales. the last two things he did were#getting my attention so i would come to him,then attempted to crawl onto my lap and despite me being less than a foot away he couldn't make#it. so i brought him onto my bed on my lap with me. and then at some point later after another sudden onset of diarrhea (which seemed to#take absolutely all of his remaining strength) and i'd brought him back to my bed after cleaning the poop off of him he got my attention to#move his head so he could look up at me. and that's how he passed. looking up at me.#despite everything,he was purring. so weak and faint i could hardly feel it,but. he was purring,maybe until the moment he finally passed.#he was obviously suffering. and we couldn't afford to get someone to put him down so we just did what we could for him.#i'm glad that,at least,he was happy in his final moments. he wanted to be with me and i'm glad i could give him that. i HAD needed to go out#that day but i opted to stay home because i was worried he'd pass while i was gone. sure enough if i had gone out he would have.#i'm glad i could give him the comfort and company he wanted in his final moments. i'm glad i made him happy enough in them to purr even#despite how weak he was. i'm glad he didn't pass alone and possibly in pain.#ive lost a lot of pets in my life. but amos? he's only like. three years younger than me? we practically grew up together. ive known him his#entire life. no amount of being told it hurts to lose a childhood pet will ever compare to the reality of it happening.#i buried him outside my window. so he's close to home.#vent post? i guess?
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longagoitwastuesday · 13 days
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ngl it sort of pisses me off the way adults regard Gojo in Jujutsu Kaisen at times. Which could be a very interesting and poignant point in a good way if well written, but as it is it becomes mainly just frustrating and sad in a negative way.
Nanami saying Gojo never cared about anything or anyone other than himself crashes interestingly with Kusakabe saying the whole situation was just all his fault because he refused to kill Itadori. The students are very aware of those aspects of Gojo's personality, but overall they seem to regard him with way more kindness and fondness even when at their rudest, not truly coinciding with either Nanami's or Kusakabe's views.
#Kusakabe's words are harsh and negative but there's some true and some logic to them#but in beholding the entire story and the whole context‚ especially with the flashbacks in mind‚ in getting to know the sweet kid Yuuji is‚#the reader is made to find Kusakabe's words a bit outrageous and cruel and Gojo's position becomes the obvious one like Nanami's was#Like Kusakabe's is too in a way since he too says no matter what it's always the adults' fault whatever the cause was#And following the story we see Gojo cared a lot about those kids and them keeping their youthful cheerfulness if in his very flippant way#That's basically his main constant thread. We see it at the very beginning in what he did for Yuta and how Yuta is so fond of him#We see him at the very end in a way too with the letters he left#And his entire motivation was changing the very messed up society to avoid the kids going through what he and his friends went through#and to prevent them from being lonely the way he felt he was. Ontologically alienated. Entirely othered#And of course it's in part him keeping people away like Shoko. Or even Yuta (though here again it's at the core of his action his attempt#at protecting the kids and trying to prevent them from growing too fast)#And of course this is motivated by his own experiences and in that sense not entirely a selfless act#But those things still don't negate that his goal was for the future kids to be... in a better situation than what he and his friends lived#So Nanami's words are very cruel and... blind. Of course it's possible that Gojo's way of approaching the problem is still something#Nanami would regard as selfish (but it could be argued that so is Nanami's)‚ or that Gojo's perception of Nanami's way of thinking#about him would be this negative. But what we see through the story absolutely contradict Nanami's words in that airport#And though both Nanami's words and Kusakabe's are negative in regards to Gojo‚ they in a way contradict each other#The kids' words and way of seeing Gojo is most of the time more... accurate? If also diverse among them#They see him like an idiot. They trust him. They think he's childish and annoying. They love him#They find him flippant. They know he cares about them. In a way they see both what Kusakabe and Nanami say about him#The negative. And the ultimate positive aspect at the core of it all. That Gojo did care and that Gojo did take care#and that Gojo risked and sacrificed a lot for them and that Gojo was doing this in great part because of his own past#Yuta perhaps is the one who sees it best but it's so interesting too the dynamic Maki‚ Yuuji and Megumi have with Gojo‚ his acts and antics#And this whole thing‚ this frivolous and even... cruel way most adults seem to regard Gojo and how it clashes with the kids' deep feelings#about him (beyond the initial 'he's an untrustworthy idiot' though those as well!') is super interesting and super sad and super juicy#OR IT COULD BE bc in the end all that happens is that Nanami says that and Gojo pouts comically or that Kusakabe makes that offhand comment#as if it held no weight‚ as if Yuji weren't present and had never agonised over it‚ as if Gojo hadn't lost his life trying to save the kid#And yes he risked more than his life but he was trying to save a kid bc another kid (bc Megumi!) asked. But maybe it didn't matter if no one#asked. He saved Yuta too. Of course he would have risked it all. In his mix of selfishness and selflessness. Everything is so juicy#yet the writing feels so dry and lame. There's no pondering. There's talk of guilt and grief without any true sense of grieving or loss
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