#antis are the uruk-hais of middle earth

[awesomefringey]

You’re too damn old to be shipping real people. Get a hobby for gods sake.

[adamwatchesmovies]

Eragon (2008)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

My craving for new Star Wars stories has reduced me to looking up knock-offs of the popular franchise. I’ve seen all kinds of stories, but most ended up being simply generic sci-fi/fantasy tales or movies that had a last-minute coating of laser swords, robots and blasters added onto them. What I was looking for was Eragon; a Star Wars rip-off so blatant you could write the script yourself - just remember to substitute “lightsaber” for “dragon” and there you go!

It’s all set in Middle-earth... I mean a world named Alagaësia, home to humans, elves, dragons, and dwarves. Actually, there aren’t many dragons. Years ago, all the wizard/knight dragon riders were betrayed by the evil Galbatorix (John Malkovich), who killed them all and now rules unopposed. Our hero is Luke SkyPotter... I mean Dragon... I mean Eragon (Ed Speleers), a 17-year-old boy who finds a dragon's egg stolen from Galbatorix by Princess Leia, I mean Arya (Sienna Guillory). Eragon and the newly-hatched Saphira (voiced by Rachel Weisz) meet with Obi-Wan Kenobi... I mean Brom (Jeremy Irons), who sets them on a path to save the kingdom.

The comparisons to other franchises are obvious. A Star Wars-like story structure, set in the world of Lord of the Rings, complete with Uruk-hai chasing our hero, ringwraiths, elves, etc., there’s a dash of Harry Potter thrown in with the scar on Eragon’s hand and his spellcasting abilities. I already started poking fun at the movie in my synopsis, but you would too if you'd seen the film. “Alagaësia” is no "Middle-earth", Galbatorix sounds like the name of an anti-depressant, and other wild titles like Durza, Murtagh, Nasuada are all lost upon audience members who have not read the books.

Eragon sounds silly and looks ridiculous. Granted, the dragons and flying monsters are convincing but everywhere else, the word of the day was “cheap”. I feel terrible for Djimon Hounsou as Ajihad, forced to wear a bad wig or a ridiculous hat in every scene. All the costumes look like they’ve been dug out of every generic fantasy setting, or are so wild they make you wince. The armies of Urgals (the orc-like creatures) are just a bunch of dirty barbarians with war paint. If they had horns, yellow-ish gray skin, or their own language or something, then this movie would begin to stand out.

This movie is a mess. Events that should take years take days, none of the characters are interesting, and the world isn't the least bit immersive. Even if you forgive the unoriginal plotline or get past the inherent silliness, the story’s just not well told. Eragon's bad decisions don’t make him look like an overeager youth, they brand him as a colossal fool. The magic is easily recognized as a plot device whose “rules” only apply when the plot demands. It feels like a bad fan-fiction.

Scenes are so badly assembled they become confusing. At one point, Eragon and his mentor see a group of villagers being attacked by Urgals. Eragon exclaims that they need to help them and instead of doing anything, they go off to train. I understand you can't jump into a fight without being prepared, but those people are being killed right now! After the training montage… the people they were training to help are never seen again! I guess Brom or Eragon took too long to get through those lessons? If you're writing a story like this, have the heroes arrive right as the massacre is ending so Eragon can lament that he could have done something and then have Brom tell him that after this training, that statement will be true!

I will give Eragon this. It’s so derivative, so poorly directed/written and so easy to ridicule I’m upset we didn’t get a sequel. I’d love to see another one of these movies! Doesn’t the idea of dragon riders make you excited? Even badly done, it gets your adrenaline flowing. If you want a movie that’s easy to make fun of, and I mean REALLY easy, watch Star Wars to see what a good movie is, and then see Eragon. It’s a trainwreck but one I watch with affection. (Fullscreen version on Dvd, January 1, 2016)

[eamonorus-blog]

Battle of the Five Armies

I am afraid I am going to have to rant about why I hate tBOTFA

The elves are all wrong to begin with. These are elves who are "more dangerous and less wise" than their western kin, who are less armoured. They don't have the martial traditions of the Calaquendi. They should not be an elite well-oiled fighting machine that moves in perfect sync like an army of robots. They should be a force of fierce and fey forest elves, who do what they do in the books, unleash a volley of arrows before charging recklessly into battle with their weapons glowing like they are aflame, so fierce is their hatred.

As for the Dwarves, well. In the books the Dwarves are able to come to answer Thorins call so soon because they are especially hardy and strong members of a strong and hardy race. They are armoured in mail head to toe, and armed to the teeth, round shields, beards plaited into belts, a short sword at their side and a two-handed mattock in their hands, and despite all that heavy packs with supplies to reinforce the mountain with. They came on foot carrying all that equipment, which is an impressive feat. But Dwarves did not tame beasts, that is what men and elves do! There should be no warpigs or goat cavalry. And the Legendarium should be low tech, the Dwarf smithing feats come from forging incredible jewellery, armour and weapons, not through incredible technological innovations. They shouldn't have anti-arrow artillery, or chariots with machine-crossbows, or anything of the sort. They are angry beard men who will crush your skull, not technologically advanced hoplite wannabes.

When it comes to the men, instead of getting tall nordic dudes with ancient Dwarf forged swords standing as a totally legit army alongside the other two races, we get a faction of useless dirty hobos. Because PJ decided that Lake Town was going to be a commentary on class struggle, instead of the bustling and fairly prosperous town it was in canon, which made Smaug destroying the town all the more of a loss. As for the Orcs and Wargs, well, where to begin?

Instead of the treasure hungry horde of nasty cave creatures from the books, we get another nazi-esque legion of PL*TE armoured Uruk-hai wannabes. Breeding half orcs is a unique and terrible thing in middle earth? Not anymore apparently, since there was a whole massive army of them that Sauron unleashed before he even knew the ring had been found that is greater than the army he unleashes in the WotR in all sorts of ways. It has trolls that are way bigger than the later ones for some reason, and the orcs are all cgi which doesnt help.

Instead of being their own faction of malevolent wolves, the wargs are simply the ugly hyena-esque mounts. Thats not great, but Beorn, who single handed saved the day and killed Bolg in the books gets totally sidelined. Instead of sweeping a few orcs off of the high places like they do in the books, these eagles dive bomb compact pike formations with no problems whatsoever. Apparently in the PJ universe having a tightly packed formation of infantry with heavy armour and spears gives you no ability to resist the charge of anything larger than an elf with a katana. And lets not get into the way the actual layout and playing out of the battle is butchered. Instead of being a historically coherent melee back and forth of heavy infantry which would make sense visually and logically, a bunch of our characters take time off from the battle to go fight the big bad, in such a way that if this was real the battle would be well over by the time they even got to Azog. We have super trolls getting all owned at the same time with some kind of thrown weapon, javelins I think? I dunno but it doesnt make sense. We have elven archers jumping the phalanx (jumping the phalanx is what I say now whenever a battle in a film jumps the shark) We have Alfred gobbling up screen time like a Boffin or a Bracegirdle eating snacks during Bilbos party. All in all the whole thing is something I can't even bear to watch its so bad. All of PJs worst instincts are allowed full space to flourish.

[awesomefringey]

Insane theory after insane theory it becomes clear to me how y’all think Louis & Harry don’t have lives outside each other and baiting larries and how little interest you actually have on them as people. Anything interesting is a reference for you, the larries, and anything inconvenient is a lie or will be memed to death (obviously.)

Insane anon message after insane anon message from you, it becomes clear to me how you don’t have a life outside of watching and harassing Larries. You bring zero value to the table except boring the shit out of me and other bloggers you copy/paste/send your nonsense to. Anything inconvenient and you dump your bullshit thoughts in our inboxes because you don’t have anyone who agrees with you or cares about your opinions.

[awesomefringey]

Only the process of discovering Larry and reading all the things related to larry and seeing Larry moments is amazing, that finally takes a few months and ends of story, after that you don't see the color of peace and love ,And you only get stunt content , even if you become a larrie in 2022, you'll still run into haylor stan, not just haylor but the previous ones too, and everyone keeps calling you a freak and delusional just because you believe larry, I mean why they they dont leave us alone? give us a rest ! leave us alone and continue your fantasy and sexy delusions about harry ,you weird hets😒

I hate them

Look, it's fair when someone doesn't think they're a couple.

It's even fair to think Larries have a too vivid imagination.

But nothing we do is life threatening to anyone. Especially if they're so rock solid in their own beliefs. How can someone like a "delusional Larrie" even be a bother to anyone? Unless we do put a dent into their world views.

Also, what I will never understand is that someone in 2022 would still

a) read tabloids and believe every single word;

b) think pap pics are accidental;

c) closeted artists are an urban legend.

That's basic critical thinking which those lack the most who need to attack Larries for being delusional. In the end, and that's what has always been true to me, it usually tells you more about the aggressors than the subject they want to argue about.

[awesomefringey]

only one thing disgusts me more than Harry's greed and role in the huge capitalist machine of the industry, and that is your and your followers joy at the sight of it all, the world is burning and you people are the fucking gasoline, you disgust me. I hope one day you'll wake up poor cold and hungry and harry will drive past u in his stupid ferrari

louis would also be disgusted by you and him and if u really can't see why then u truly are blind

Awww...

[awesomefringey]

solos really going this far they tryna convice themselves that harry will date them and that he is straight!

Ugh... I always cringe when I see antis making embarrassing remarks on social media and then getting called out for them.

This person is 21 and calls Harry a toddler, a child, a hyperactive kid or a slut, she wants to lick all over.

At that level of intellect and contribution to Harry's fanbase, Larries can safely move on and ignore her. She just wants to be relevant for something. Even if it's hateful speech towards the queer fanbase of Louis and Harry, while insulting both of them right with it.

[awesomefringey]

Louis is neither a dad nor a "daddy." Must you project your fanfic fantasies onto him irl? Also, lol: Harry's the one who self-identified as a "daddy." Almost like your fantasies are meaningless.

Ummm… wait. *fixes hair* *adjusts sweater*

Louis IS a daddy but NOT a “dad”. Must you read my blog or must you believe an anon ask accomplishes anything irl? Also, lol: Let me just not add some out of context ridiculous claim to make up my moral justification to insult you.

[awesomefringey]

hey could you keep your anti hate out of the uruk-hai tags. I'm trying to fuck orcs in peace.

This cracked me up!!! HAHAHAHA! Soooorry!

[awesomefringey]

Get the fuck out of fandom larrie tinhats. Sell your tickets to those real louies who love the real Louis with his son and girlfriend. If you haven't yet got the message just look at how many real Louies liked and qouted his tweet about Freddie and how Louis thanked all non tinhat UAs for their Defenceless and charity projects. Non larrie UAs and fans are the majority in his fandom. So GTFO of this fandom wacko tinhats.

Dear anti,

since you all seem to be bred in the same pits of Isengard you’re going to read this message on behalf of every idiot sending my blog the same word-for-word copy/paste anti-mantras.

Let me paint you a picture.

So this fandom is like a village. And Larry tumblr is a bakery in said village. A peaceful little place, really traditional, one that bakes their stuff, creates little seasonal muffins and cupcakes. It’s a bit old-fashioned but nonetheless cozy. They sell the best rainbow cakes they say. But overall this place is an insider's tip for most.

In this bakery you would find all sorts of people, of all ages, all genders, all sexualities. Everyone is welcome, you can do your own thing here, have a cup of tea and some cinnamon rolls, or just sit and type up your next essay, others would discuss their latest book and there’s always someone drawing in one of the quieter corners of the bakery. You can tell these people enjoy hanging out together. They know each other. They respect each other. They say hi, catch up, comment on the newest excellent baking creations. And these people come back here every day. They really love this bakery and their little community, right?

But then every other day, out of nowhere, the door flies open and some dude storms in. Looking pissed. Chest heaving from running or hyperventilating? I can't tell! Giving everyone a condescending once over while sweating profusely, then takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, remembering the words he came to say and yells “You f-king tin hats! You are delusional to think bread is real food! It isn't! But meat is! Everyone loves meat! They even say it in the tabloids. So stop making everything about bread! It's gross! You are nothing but a weird wheat cult! So f-k your cake! F-k your rolls! F-k your scones! F-k your little delulu café!”. Before anyone can say anything, he quickly turns on his heels and runs off.

And you know what happens next? Exactly. Nothing.

Because you see, what’s left is really that we all observed a dude making an absolute ass of himself. Who literally ran into a bakery of all places to express his love for meat? Demanding a bakery to stop doing what a bakery is there for just because he loves meat. Pretty dumb, don't you think?

Nothing about this dude's behaviour made anyone here think "Oh I gotta try out the butchery down the road because meat sounds really damn delicious and the people consuming it are super nice!". Nope. Instead I appreciate my little peaceful bakery even more. I love the community so much more.

If it wasn't clear yet, the dude was you. So excuse me, while I'm going to sip on my big "Sweet Creature Latte" and munch on a "Dagger Croissant" because you just made a fool out of yourself.

PS: You know what's the saddest part?

This dude ran out the door, stopped around the corner, then slowly snuck back, is now freezing outside just to creep through the window in hopes his performance had made an impact. Because you, dear anti, really read until here…

[awesomefringey]

If you spend your time insisting that people are lying about their sexualities to fit your own twisted conspiracy theories, you are an invasive, insensitive, selfish, depraved, horrible person. Fuck anyone who does this. Let people have some god damn privacy.

Are you my Saturday anti? There is this one anti that always only comes in on Saturdays. I have this super cute theory about your life.

Like how you wake up after sleeping in, just cuddly and warm, the sun tickling your nose, how you sleepily walk into the kitchen to have a cup of coffee, how you sit outside on your balcony with a warm croissant maybe (I made you French.), the birds chirping happily, how you have a chat with your cute neighbor who just came outside to say good morning to you and wait… they were flirting with you, weren’t they? Huh. And then you look up to the sky thinking life couldn’t be better so you take your phone, open my blog and spew the most shittiest message into your phone, painfully hand wringing it out of your deepest most self hating corner at someone online you don’t even know, to then put your phone away again, realizing the sun is gone and it’s a bit too cold outside actually, that two days old croissant is dry af, the birds just shat on your plants, so you go back inside, crawl into your bed again and probably feel very very exhausted.

Don’t do that to yourself. Put the phone away. Feed the birds. Ask your neighbor out. Enjoy life!

[awesomefringey]

PFFT Sabine I just stumbled on an anti bog and guess what I found out YOUR post there🤣 It was “what the hets came for VS. what they get!” and man they hate you for making this post they are like "OMG why do larries call us hets louis being attracted to harry is FINE, but anyone else actually being attracted to harry is NOT FINE they use louis as a proxy for their attraction to harry".🤣 I ended up laughing and bocking them. They are butt hurt bcoz of you Sabine. LMAO

Yayyy we’re famous!!!! 💅🏼

[awesomefringey]

I saw the larrie caffe post on Twitter and wanted to say, that was a great comeback. I’m a neutral and it’s rare to see a respectful yet sassy, witty response to someone who is blatantly rude and childish. Specially in this fandom. And on top of that explain in such a creative way how internet echochambers work in stan culture. A vey mature response.

Oh sweet nonnie, thank you so much! 🥺 I’ve been receiving so many appreciative comments. I’m overwhelmed. This means a lot to me.

I’ve been debating with myself for a while now on how to handle anon hate. Not because I suffered from it but because I kept wondering what made these kids reach out to someone who doesn’t share their personal opinions to act all “brave” and “superior” through anon submission, as if having a pretend upper hand on a nonexistent discussion.

It just exposes their constant inner dialogue with Larries (and the LGBTQ community) and their lack of resonance about it. It expresses a deep loneliness within their (IRL?) peers, and their rage needs venting - at best with zero consequences, like a punch into a pillow.

Whatever their unreflective intentions, every anon is someone who wants to be seen. And I pity those who just breathe to violently hate people on social media because in reality what they actually need is a hug.

Ummm… also seeing you’re a neutral… 👉🏻👈🏻 can I get you something? … The “OOPS! CHAI TEA” is really good and the “FOOKIN AVOCADO GAYGLES” 🥯 taste delicious. 🖤

In reference to this and this 🥰

[awesomefringey]

Harry in a interview: LOML is about England.

A dumbass in your ask box: WhY aRE YoU PReteNdiNG LOML is ABouT EngLaNd !1?1!1?

[awesomefringey]

https://awesomefringey.tumblr.com/post/683974124143509504/i-thought-too-that-the-anti-larry-youtube-vids

That’s literally how I became a larrie in 2020!! During the pandemic, I got a bunch of anti larry tiktoks on my for you page and I was confused because I heard of larry before , just never seemed to look any of it up. I watched a couple YouTube videos and then followed a couple larrie tiktokers and the rest is history

Wow, that’s exactly what I mean. I’m so glad you did some research.

However people openly positioning themselves towards this fandom will always lead to more people focusing on the subject matter rather than the “oh so respectful person” suddenly having a very necessary opinion to share. So I don’t get worked up over it at all.