#anyway I can’t wait to read more meta goodnight

[squishiest-wizard]

Me this whole week

[veliseraptor]

I can't remember if anyone has actually asked you this. I apologise beforehand if you're repeating yourself. What are your three favourite scenes in The Untamed and why?

(Love how this took so long, mostly because I was waiting to get through all the listed moments in my rewatch. Anyway! It’s here now!)

Oh, fuck. 

Okay, I couldn’t keep it to three. I tried! I did! But I couldn’t. So here is a list of just general favorite scenes with the three scratched off. I realized belatedly that most of these are just painful because I love pain I guess??? but yeah that’s just who I am and I think I have to accept that.

Under a read more because Jesus this got long.

1. The entire scene at Nightless City culminating in Wei Wuxian’s death. Like, okay, honestly, if I could expand this into basically everything between Jin Zixuan’s death and Wei Wuxian’s, I’d do that, but that feels like too much even though in my head it is all sort of...one contiguous marathon of pain. But god!!! I have a whole thing for...characters hitting their breaking point, for breaking points in general, for seeing a character I love just...crack open, and that’s what happens here.

Like. Wei Wuxian’s been cracking for a while, and there’s a number of breaking points that kind of build on each other, but this is, obviously, where the real snap happens.

And on a narrative level, too, there’s the thing that...this is the point that we as the audience have been spiraling toward since first seeing the beginning of episode one. This is where the entire long stretch of flashback has been pointing - here’s where it culminates, where it falls into place, where everything circles back to where the show started and now you know exactly how it got there. 

Also I just. Love to suffer, and this entire scene is one whole long stretch of suffering. 

2. The golden core reveal. Oh man, I was waiting for this conversation for, like. Ever. I knew it was coming and I knew it was going to have to happen and I just kept being like. When will it be. When will it be and then it happened and god it was beautiful. Everything about this whole scene was just tailor made to hurt me and make me love it, from the confrontation in the ancestral shrine right down to when Jiang Cheng bolts in a panic. 

I hurt for everyone here. Wen Ning who has hit the end of his rope and is just fed up with everything. Jiang Cheng whose world is getting turned upside down and inside out and a whole lot of things falling into place all at once, his self-conception wrecked and his understanding of Wei Wuxian both opened and destroyed. Lan Wangji who is understanding what he missed and, I think, beating himself up about having missed it, and also the fresh understanding of just how ready Wei Wuxian is to throw himself under a bus for the people he loves. Wei Wuxian who doesn’t know any of this is happening but has just collapsed after running on fumes basically since resurrecting and is going to find out later that the biggest secret he’s been keeping and planned to keep for the rest of his life is now out. 

It’s just. Lord. It’s all so painful and it’s all so good, the payoff is so good, and especial mention here of Wen Ning’s done with your shit and I’m not taking it anymore face as he brandishes Suibian at Jiang Cheng not as a weapon, exactly, but a little bit.

(He doesn’t bite but he can hurt you in other ways!)

Anyway, this isn’t actually saying anything coherent, really, except just a lot of “ahhhhh” screaming about this scene and everything in it and everyone suffering in it and just. What a moment. 

3. The excruciating conversation between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian in episode 48. Oh my god. Ohhhh my god. Okay, so, I’m always going to be a sucker for extremely painful and difficult sibling confrontations where everyone is spilling their feelings everywhere and it’s just a lot, and this was like. I remember on my first watch when this happened and I was like. Holy shit. This. This was what I needed. This!!!! 

And then no real resolution after, orz. But that’s what fanfiction is for. And there’s glimpses of the possibility, for sure, I Believe.

But anyway! And on rewatch this conversation just gets better and also more painful because of the ways that while it is finally a conversation that Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng have sort of needed to have for, like, ever, it’s also one that rips open a lot of old wounds and it is also one that involves a painful amount of talking past each other. 

There’s a long meta post somewhere (sorry! I never know how to find the meta I’m looking for when I want it and I’m lazy right now!) about how what Jiang Cheng needs to hear is that Wei Wuxian loves and cares about him, and what he does hear is that Wei Wuxian is, once again, cutting himself off, that it was all always about debts and obligations and nothing more. And what Wei Wuxian is trying to do is release Jiang Cheng from being tied to him by those debts and obligations, to give him freedom, with I think the idea of creating a clean slate that’s not tainted by everything that went wrong before. He thinks Jiang Cheng needs to be released, but what Jiang Cheng needs is to be held.

(Both of them do! Both of them need that! Both of them need to feel loved and cherished and these things also specifically by each other!)

And I just. I just cry a lot.

But it is also beautiful, in the way that it captures so much about their relationship and the blood and hurt and tenderness and love all tied excruciatingly together, the ways that they hurt and have hurt each other, the ways they push and pull, all of Jiang Cheng’s anger and hurt spilling out everywhere in a way that I think has been building for 16 years. It’s not closure, but it is a catharsis. 

And for Wei Wuxian - I think it has to be, on some level, a relief. Even as it’s painful, even as it is exactly what he never wanted to happen, the secret is out now and he doesn’t have to hold onto it anymore. They are both - in his eyes - free. 

It’s just...a wrenching conversation that hits, like, sixty of my buttons at once and gives me a whole lot of emotions. 

4. asldkajsldfkj the flashback to Xiao Xingchen’s suicide in episode 39 and what comes after, just go ahead and kill me now. Like okay it’s probably obvious by now that I live in this hole called “Yi City, my Xue Yang feelings, and my XueXiao feelings,” and during this liveblog I specifically spilled several posts and screenshots worth of them, but god!!!! it’s just so much. Like, the entire Yi City arc is messy and painful as hell, it’s just like being put through an emotional wringer where I hurt for everyone in it, but this is the part that is especially excruciating because everyone in this emotional climax is suffering so much. 

And, like. We knew where this would end. We knew Xiao Xingchen died, and a-Qing was just killed, and at this point Xue Yang is dying. No one is getting out of this alive - but we haven’t seen yet exactly how things closed out. And the answer is “badly. it’s badly.” 

Both of these people in the very bad breakup scene are hurting. Xiao Xingchen is in agony, his life falling apart in his hands - everything he thought he knew has been a lie, he’s been tricked, played for a fool. And the hammer blows keep coming. It’s not enough that it’s Xue Yang, that Xue Yang has been fucking with him (as far as he knows), lying to him, for three years. It’s what Xue Yang reveals about what he’s done. And then it’s what Xue Yang reveals about what he’s done to Song Lan.

And on the other end - Xue Yang’s weird fake domestic life that he’s gotten attached to, Xiao Xingchen who he’s come to care about - it’s imploding, irrevocably, in front of his face. And first he tries to explain himself, sort of, but he must know it’s not going to work; and then he goes back to what he does best and lashes out. You’re going to hurt me? I’ll hurt you fifty times as much.

I think he expects a fight. Or maybe, at most, he expects Xiao Xingchen to break down, and maybe he has some vague idea that then he can say see, this is what the world is really like, now you get it and rebuild him in some kind of Xue Yang-esque image (though I don’t think he really thinks that’ll happen). He doesn’t expect Xiao Xingchen to kill himself. He doesn’t expect Xiao Xingchen to die.

And then he doesn’t expect to not be able to get him back.

It’s just. This whole arc is people destroying each other and themselves body and soul, and this is the climax of it, the breaking point. And it hurts, real bad.

And as we have established! I love to suffer.

5. Drunk Lan Wangji, take two. All of these are like. “Pain! Pain! Pain!” and here we are with some goofy antics instead. I mean, the intro to drunk!Wangji is sad in the way that it has to do with what happened to Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen (and Lan Wangji’s always feelings about those parallels ouch), but then...I mean, drunk!Wangji is just generally adorable, but here he is especially adorable. 

Chicken theft! Vandalism! Trespassing! His adorable little smile when Wei Wuxian asks if he likes rabbits and he’s like. Yeah. :) :)

And then we close out with more emotions, of course. Because it’s not The Untamed without a little bit of pain thrown in there. 

“I have regret,” Lan Wangji says, a confession of fault, and of course Wei Wuxian can’t receive it, or won’t - and Lan Wangji reacts to his attempt at absolution by basically doing his usual “I don’t want to talk about this” routine of just bluntly changing the subject (in this case “going to bed now goodnight.”).

Also the entire bit where he goes from hopelessly drunk to fighting off an opponent and then back to hopelessly drunk, like. Even drunk!Wangji can and will kick your ass. 

And all of Wei Wuxian just like. Basically trip babysitting him? Gently trying to herd him around? The gentleness and fondness of it all?

Good. All good.

6. Qiongqi Path, take one. Emotional mauling! Terrifying evil flute Wei Wuxian! Dramatic face-off between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji! The beginning of Lan Wangji’s moral crisis! (Or, okay, not the beginning but this is definitely a major breaking point for his worldview, I think, and where his questioning really, truly begins.) 

It’s just...a lot of good. Everything with Wen Qing searching for Wen Ning’s body hurts so bad. Wei Wuxian coming stalking back into the camp with vengeance on the brain is as gloriously sexy as that vibe always is on him. And the confrontation between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian? oh man. 

Juicy. And also. Ouch. 

(And am I a sucker for everything about ‘former allies ending up on opposite sides and one of them saying something along the lines of ‘if I’m going to die then I’d rather it was you who killed me’ yes I sure am! I didn’t cry nearly as much on my third watch but this scene is another one of my points that I think of when I think of bits in The Untamed that make me cry.

And as we’ve established already, I just love to cry.

7. God like. All of episode 19? Is that cheating? But it’s all so good! We have suffering Wei Wuxian! Mouthing off while being tortured! The entire sequence of him grabbing the sword and that moment of choice where his life turns as he answers that question (do you want revenge?) with a resounding yes? 

Lan Wangji absolutely fucking up some Wens on a desperate quest for Wei Wuxian? Teaming up with Jiang Cheng? (Do I still want to see more of that team up in that time? Yes please!!) SPOOKY FUCKING FLUTE MUSIC STARTING SIGNALING EXTREMELY OMINOUS THINGS TO COME?

Anyway it’s all very “fuck yeah, this is all quite tailored to me and my interests, thank you.”

8. Jiang Yanli coming for Jin Zixun’s life. I feel like I should just link to this analysis of this scene that really breaks it all down in detail? But god so satisfying. I mean, Jin Zixun is truly one of the most hateable characters in this show, in my opinion, and seeing Jiang Yanli step up and politely and meticulously demolish him is like. So satisfying. 

The face of a woman about to murder someone. But with words.

I really wish we could’ve seen more of this Jiang Yanli, because before this point she’s all softness and gentleness and while that’s very true of her - this part of her is also there, always, and I’d love to have seen more of it.

But like. Getting it here? Stunning. Showstopping. Love it.

9. Wei Wuxian wrecks a party, but, like, sexily. I mean, he wrecks a few parties, but I’m thinking specifically of the one in episode 26 prior to Qiongqi Path, take one. Everything about that whole scene is gold top to bottom, but what really gets me going is everything from the dramatic entrance (I’m tempted to make a list of Wei Wuxian’s best dramatic entrances) onward to “sexy menacing countdown.” It’s just all so...I mean, I’ve talked about how much I love furiously angry and on the verge of losing it Wei Wuxian, and this is some prime that material. 

(Pictured: the sexiest way anyone has ever said the word ‘two.’)

And just! The tension of it all, how it builds and builds and builds and even when it finally releases when Zixun caves there’s still all this lingering “oh fuck! that’s bad!” dread...it’s just very good. 

And I also love it as one of those key plot turning moments where it’s like. This isn’t the irrevocable break, but it’s a big one as far as ‘no going back from this.’

And like. Not just Wei Wuxian, everyone else in this scene is excellent too. Just. Mm. Good.

10. Wei Wuxian is sexy when he’s mean and that’s just the truth. Which is to say: the very bad breakup scene between him and Lan Wangji in episode 20. I’ve read two different analyses of this scene, both brilliant (by @hunxi-guilai here, and @neuxue here), and I feel like I can’t add much to that other than to reiterate that Wei Wuxian is very sexy when he’s mean, and the layers of everything going on in this scene are. Ugh!!! So good.

(I mean, also everything that comes before, I have put myself down firmly in camp “Wei Wuxian is also sexy when he murders people, you go Wei Ying, murder people as much as you want, it’s hot.” And the hug with Jiang Cheng! (THAT HUG. IT IS SUCH A HUG.))

But the confrontation between him and Lan Wangji in particular! it is so fuckin good. Honestly just read the linked analyses, I’ve got nothing I can say better that’s not in there, just a lot of “ahhhhhhh” about it all.

BONUS MENTIONS TO: basically every time Wei Wuxian Yiling Laozus, “stay and die with me.” 

[perspective-series]

Meta Perspective (13)

By: @arc852 and @hiddendreamer67

Warnings: Injury mention and mention of past mistakes

(Check the reblog for the links to any future chapters)

————————————————————————————————–

 Allison let out a long sigh. She had just woken up from a well-needed nap and was looking around her home. Amanda still wasn’t back but that was no surprise considering she said she would be staying until her leg was better. Still, Allison had been hoping. Now, she might have to face more humans.

 She gathered up her hook and bag and started off toward Virgil and Patton’s apartment. She was hoping Amanda might be alone at this point but as she glanced through a passing vent, she saw that they were all in the same room, playing some sort of game. At least Amanda seemed to be having fun. Despite being injured, she very well might have gotten the best out of all of this.

 She continued on her way until she came to her exit. She found herself under the couch, listening to the humans and Amanda talking and laughing as they played. She didn’t really want to reveal herself to the humans, so she sat down against the wall and waited for an opportunity when Amanda would be alone.

 Thankfully, she didn’t have to wait long as they seemed to have finished the game. She listened in.

 “Well, that was fun! Right, Amanda?” Patton said, smiling down at the borrower.

 Virgil huffed and pouted as he crossed his arms. “I can’t believe you won.” He said to Amanda.

“It’s because I deserve it.” Amanda grinned, leaning casually on her game piece as she inspected her nails.

 “Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Virgil stood up. “I’m going to bed. Goodnight, pipsqueak. Night Pat.” He saluted towards Amanda and Patton before heading towards his room. Patton waved and started packing up the game.

 “I’m going to go put this away and get ready for bed, I’ll be right back!” Patton said and then was gone.

 Allison perked up, now was her chance! She came out from under the couch, threw her hook onto the coffee table and started climbing.

Amanda’s head shot up, hearing the familiar scrape of a hook against wood. She spotted Allison’s hook stuck in the side of the coffee table. With a grin Amanda rushed over, poking her head over the side.

“Allison, you came!” Amanda greeted her.

 Allison couldn’t help but match the grin as she saw Amanda. She finished climbing up the rest of the way before engulfing her friend in a hug, something they had been unable to do before. “Yeah, sorry about leaving before.” She said as she pulled away. “I just...too many humans, ya know?”

“No, I get it,” Amanda admitted. “Your humans tried to come see me earlier and I just wasn’t ready for all that yet either.”

 “Yeah, they can be a bit...much,” Allison said with a slight chuckle. Allison glanced at Amanda’s leg. “Just to be sure, you were telling the truth about your leg and these humans...right?” A small part of her was still worried that Amanda had been forced to say those things.

“Yup. Accidentally hurt it, accidentally got caught, but my humans are super saps.” Amanda confirmed. “Most of the time, anyways. And they’ve really been helping me, my leg is actually feeling much better. Hardly sore at all now, see?” Amanda unbandaged her leg, flexing it all about to show off.

 “That’s good. I’m glad they turned out to be good…” Allison trailed off, her smile falling as she sighed. “I’m...not quite sure how to feel about my humans yet.” She admitted.

“Yeah, I sensed that wasn’t going so great.” Amanda winced in sympathy. She scooted closer to her friend, sitting at her side as the two dangled their legs off the edge. “Want to tell me about them?”

 “They just...never listened to me.” Allison sighed, placing her head in her hands. “They ignored me about wanting to be let go, about not wanting to go to school with them, Logan put me in a jar and ignored me for a good several hours…” 

Amanda rubbed her arm consolingly. “My humans started out that way too.” Amanda paused. “Well, except for the jar thing. That’s new.”

 “You got lucky then cause it sucked,” Allison said, rubbing her face. “I felt so trapped and with Logan in the same room just ignoring me, well...that just made it a whole lot worse. I don’t know...I mean, they did let me go in the end but…” She let out another sigh.

“How are they now?” Amanda asked. “Like, ignoring all the past stuff. Because that’s pretty much what I have to do with Patton and Virgil, or else I might get mad at them again. But they didn’t really mean anything by it, and now that I gave them a chance they’re actually pretty cool.”

 “I don’t know...I guess Roman seems pretty okay. We played games before coming here and they both agreed to help me. They did a better job of listening too but Logan’s just been...quiet. And I still don’t feel the most comfortable around him, ya know?” Allison said. 

“Maybe you two just need to find something in common,” Amanda suggested. “Some common ground, an activity or something.”

 “...Maybe.” Allison said though she was still hesitant at the thought of spending time with Logan. It was then, though, that Patton reappeared. 

 “Alright, kiddo, you ready for…” Patton blinked as he saw not just Amanda but Allison as well. “Oh, uh, hi there kiddo!” Patton greeted.

 Allison was tense as she looked at the human warily. She sent him a slight wave.

“Uh, Patton, this is Allison.” Amanda gestured between them, reintroducing the pair. “...again.”

 “It’s nice to see you again, Allison,” Patton said with a grin. Allison ducked her head shyly. 

 “Um, it’s nice to meet you as well.” She had to remind herself that this human was a good one. One that had kept her friend safe and helped with her leg. “Um, thank you. For taking care of Amanda and stuff…”

 Patton blinked before his smile widened. “Oh, of course, kiddo! It wasn’t a problem.”

“Patton, could you give us a minute?” Amanda requested. “We were kind of in the middle of something, actually.”

 “Oh! Of course, yeah, no problemo! You kiddos have fun, I’ll be in my room if you need me!” And with that, Patton went back to his room. Allison blinked.

 “That’s still really weird to see. A human actually listening to a borrower.” She said, still watching where Patton had disappeared.

“Yeah.” Amanda nodded. It often surprised her whenever they actually listened. “So, Logan. What does this guy like?”

 “Um...well, he seems pretty into studying and reading...I think that might be it, actually.” Allison admitted. It was the only things she had ever seen him do.

“Okay, so that’s...boring.” Amanda cringed. “What does he study? Is it at least something interesting?”

 Allison shrugged. “He, uh, never shared.” 

“Then what about reading?” Amanda tried. “Reading can be fun. You like reading, right?”

 “I...do.” She loved reading, actually. She just never got the chance to do so. “That...could work?”

“Well, there you go!” Amanda smiled. “Just find something you both want to read. Or really, just find something you want to read and make him read it with you. He at least owes you that.”

 “I guess I could try,” Allison said with a nervous sigh. “But...what happens if I get put back in a jar?” She asked quietly.

“...you can read from a jar?” Amanda joked.

 Allison gave her a deadpanned look. “Not funny.”

“Sorry.” Amanda had the decency to look sheepish. “But I mean, now you’ve got Patton and Virgil on your side. Roman too, at least I think. It would suck but I’m sure you wouldn’t be stuck in a jar for long. We wouldn’t let that happen.”

 “...Okay. I’ll...try it.” She was still nervous but he hadn’t seemed too bad after she had been let go. If anything, the other humans had her back, just like Amanda said.

“Okay, so that’s Logan down.” Amanda crossed him off an imaginary list. “What about Roman? Are you guys okay? Maybe you should do something with him, too.”

 “I probably should…” She was more okay with Roman but still not all the way there yet. “He likes games I think. Singing and acting too, if I’m remembering right.” Allison wasn’t much of a singer though and didn’t even know where to start with acting. So, maybe they could play more games?

“Games are fun,” Amanda said. “I’ve been playing them all day. You should try them!”

 “Oh, I already did. I played a game called Animal Crossing. It was a video game.” She had fun with it before she had gone into that slump.

“Hey, I played a video game too, twinsies!” Amanda high-fived her. “So maybe you can play that again. Or do something else one-on-one with him.”

 “Yeah, that could be fun.” She gave a firm nod. “Alright, I’ll do it.” She stood up before remembering the time. “Uh, probably not...tonight though. They’re probably already in bed.”

“First thing tomorrow then,” Amanda suggested with a chuckle.

 “Yeah.” Allison paused. “So...are you still staying here?” Allison asked.

“Um…” Amanda looked down at her leg. Realistically, it was fine. She could put pressure on it with no problem, and the worst pain it caused her was a slight sore feeling now. Looking at it, you could hardly tell it had been injured.

“I mean, I think one more night just to be safe wouldn’t be so bad.” Amanda shrugged. “And after that, well...I hadn’t gotten that far. I know we’re supposed to move, but I kept putting that off because of my leg, and now...it’s weird.”

 Allison nodded. “Yeah, I get it. I mean, we did just make plans for me to hang out with humans tomorrow.” Allison said with a smile.

“Right!” Amanda looked at her earnestly, as if just getting an idea. “And I mean, I certainly couldn’t leave until you’ve completed those plans. What kind of friend would I be then? A good borrower would definitely stick around.”

 Allison chuckled. “Oh, of course.” Allison let out a yawn. Despite her nap earlier, she was still pretty drained. “Well, guess we both better get to sleep. Busy day tomorrow.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later. Tell me how it goes, okay?” Amanda requested.

 “I will. See you later.” And with that, Allison climbed back down and went back into the walls. Though she was nervous, she had a good feeling about tomorrow.

“Bye Allison!” Amanda waved. Once Allison was gone, she cupped her hands to her mouth. “Okay Patton, we’re done!”

There was no response.

“Patton?” Amanda tried again. 

Perhaps they hadn’t completely thought this through. Well, good thing her leg was feeling better. Amanda pulled out her own hook, grappling down to the ground with practiced ease. It felt strange returning to such a familiar act after so long being carried around. Amanda trekked across the apartment, feeling a bit out of place. 

Before, as a secretive borrower, she had never traveled out in the open like this. And ever since revealing herself, Amanda had not traveled on the ground. The idea of seeing Patton or Virgil at their full heights was a bit intimidating, or at least enough for Amanda to stick to the walls for safety. After all, there was a chance they could walk down the hall at any moment. 

Not wanting to stay out in the hall any longer than necessary, Amanda ducked under the bedroom door, wiggling herself under. It was a tighter squeeze than she remembered, and she took a good few minutes just pushing herself through the gap.

“Phew! Sorry, that took so long, you didn’t hear me so I just came to you.” Amanda explained, dusting off her clothes.

 Virgil looked up from his phone at the familiar voice and tilted his head to look down at the floor. “Amanda?”

Amanda paused, looking up to finally observe her surroundings. “...oh. Wrong room.” Amanda rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. “Sorry, I was looking for Patton.”

 “Oh, yeah his room is the next one down,” Virgil said, pointing in the direction of it. “But I mean...you’re welcome to stay here, if you want,” Virgil said with a shrug. 

The thought was tempting. Amanda certainly wasn’t looking forward to the prospect of maneuvering multiple doorways tonight if it could be avoided. At the same time, however, she had never spent a night with Virgil. At least she knew what to expect with Patton.

“I mean, I wouldn’t want Patton to worry.” Amanda sighed, sounding disappointed. “I at least have to go tell him, and at that point, I should probably just stay there I guess.”

 “Well...I could just text him. Let him know you wanted to stay here if that’s what you want.” Virgil said, shaking his phone to draw attention to it.

“...oh yeah.” Amanda forgot about human conveniences. “Well then, I mean in that case I might as well stay here. If you really don’t mind.”

 “Not at all.” Virgil sent a quick text to Patton, who replied with a smiling face and a thumbs up before Virgil turned back to Amanda. He laid his palm flat on the floor. “Neet a lift?”

“Yes please.” Amanda ran across the room, hopping up into Virgil’s hand.

 Virgil lifted her up and set her down on his spare pillow. “Comfy?” He asked, wanting to make sure everything was good.

“Mhm.” Amanda nodded, getting settled into the soft fabric. She sunk down slightly, making her own divet.

 “Good.” Virgil focused back on his phone. “I’m gonna be up for a few more hours but feel free to sleep yourself,” Virgil said.

“A few more hours?” Amanda repeated. “...oh, right, you’re the one that doesn’t sleep.”

 “That would be me,” Virgil said with a shrug. “But again, don’t let me stop you from getting some sleep. If my phone is too bright just say something, I can dim it a little.”

“I mean, it’s fine, I wasn’t really feeling tired anyways.” Amanda sat up, craning her neck back to try and see the phone. “What’re you doing, anyways?”

 “Oh, just scrolling through Tumblr,” Virgil answered but quickly realized Amanda probably didn’t know what that was. “Uh, it’s a website where people post things, like pictures, or rants, or stories.” Among other things Virgil wouldn’t mention.

“Gotcha.” Amanda nodded, trying to appear knowledgeable. “So then what are you looking at on the Tumblr right now?”

 “Just some gifs...er, moving pictures?” Virgil tried to describe it.

“Of what?” Amanda pressed, standing up. 

 “Well…” He had been just looking at some random memes, but he got an idea. He quickly went to the search bar and pulled up a gif with a grin. “Here, see for yourself.” He turned his phone to show Amanda the sherlock gif.

“Wait, you’re watching Sherlock now?” Amanda tilted her head, confused when the same few moments kept repeating themselves as if stuck in a loop.

 “No, like I said, it’s a moving picture. It takes a moment from the show and then loops it several times.” Virgil explained.

“Oh.” Amanda watched it a few more times, leaning back to instead look up at Virgil. “...why?”

 Virgil shrugged. “It’s cool? I don’t really know.” Virgil turned his phone back towards him. 

“Huh.” Amanda sat down, sliding off the pillow and coming closer. “Humans seem to do a lot of stuff just because they can.”

 “That’s...pretty accurate,” Virgil said. “Especially since the age of technology and the internet.”

“Wish we had those,” Amanda commented offhandedly. She paused, glancing at the task ahead of her and wondering if she should really do this. It felt more forward than she had ever been, but then again Amanda would love to see what Virgil was really doing on the phone. 

So, Amanda grabbed onto Virgil’s pajama shirt and began to climb.

 Virgil froze and tensed as he felt a weight grab into his clothing and move up. “Uhh...Amanda?” He asked, not daring to move if he was doing what he thought she was doing.

“Yeah?” Amanda grunted, focused on her task and keeping her momentum going.

 “What are you doing?” Virgil asked, going so far as to keep his breathing slow and even.

“I’m just getting a better view.” Amanda explained, trying to stay casual despite the fact her heart rate had increased. She had never done anything like this before; it was kind of fun. “Don’t mind me.”

 “Are you sure this is a good idea?” Virgil asked. He didn’t like this at all.

“I’m not sure anything is a good idea.” Amanda admitted, just passing Virgil’s chest. “But don’t go freaking out on me. I’m sure it’d be much harder to climb a panicked giant.”

 “Amanda, you never tell someone freaking out, not to freak out. Now I’m gonna freak out even more.” Virgil said but he took in a deep breath and tried his best to relax his muscles.

“Relax, it’s fine!” Amanda took her own deep breath, hauling herself up onto Virgil’s shoulder. She patted his neck, dangling her legs over the edge. “See? Everything’s fine.”

 “I hated every second of that.” Virgil said with a slight shiver.

“...okay, no need to be rude.” Amanda frowned.

 “Sorry, but you know I could have just given you a ride onto my shoulder,” Virgil said. He tried to look at Amanda but was unable to see her from where she was.

“Yeah, but you already give me a ride everywhere.” Amanda reminded him, pushing on his chin to keep it away when he tried to turn. “You or Patton, at least. But I’m just as capable of getting around on my own.”

 “I know that but I could still help. And that way you don’t have to climb all over me.” Virgil said. He turned back to his phone with nothing else to look at.

“Hey, I’ve never climbed a human before,” Amanda argued. “I was doing it just because I can.”

 “Well...at least warn me the next time you do it,” Virgil said, he scrolled idly before his eyes widened in sudden realization. “Wait, Amanda, your leg!”

“...what about it?” Amanda played ignorant, subconsciously pulling it closer to herself.

 “You’re injured. You could have hurt it worse! Are you okay? Is it hurting?” He asked, worried. He wanted to scoop her up and look her over but he refrained for now.

“Oh, right.” Amanda pretended to wince. “Ow, the pain.”

 “Do you need help?” Virgil asked, offering his hand to her.

“No, I’m fine Virgil, don’t worry about me.” Amanda shifted closer to his neck and away from his palm.

 “...Alright.” Virgil lowered his hand. “In that case, you uh...wanna watch some youtube or something?” Virgil asked, since it didn’t seem like she was going to bed anytime soon.

“Sure, if that’s what you were doing.” Amanda shrugged. “I just wanted to be included. You don’t have to change plans for me.”

 “Nah, you’re good. I usually switch over to youtube around this time anyway.” He closed the Tumblr app and went to youtube, looking through his recommended and subbed videos. “If something catches your eye, go ahead and tell me.”

“Okay.” Amanda swung her legs, letting them bounce softly off Virgil’s shoulder. “Um...what about that one? The one with the colors.”

 “Hmm? Oh, yeah sure. Looks interesting.” He clicked on it and then turned his phone sideways to full screen it.

Amanda was only half paying attention to the screen, her mind still elsewhere. “...hey Virgil?”

 “Yeah?” He asked, still focused on the screen.

“Are you, um, actually mad about the whole climbing thing?” Amanda stopped swinging her legs.

 “Huh? Oh! No, I’m not mad.” Virgil reassured her. “Just...wish I had a bit more of a warning, is all. You’re all good though.”

“Okay, right, sorry.” Amanda looked sheepish. “No, that’s fair.”

“Sorry If I made you think I was mad.” Virgil apologized. “I want you to feel safe with me like you do with Patton.”

“I do feel safe with you,” Amanda told him, and surprisingly she meant it. “It’s just a different sort of safe. Like Patton’s just this fluffball cloud of softness so it’s easy to trust him and feel safe, but you’re more like a rough kind of safe. Like you yourself are more dangerous, but that also means you’re not gonna let anybody else come near me who’s gonna hurt me. Like today with Roman.”

 Virgil was silent for a moment, processing what Amanda said. “I...think I get it. And it’s true. I won’t let anyone come near you that you don’t want or think will hurt you.”

“Thanks, Virgil.” Amanda smiled, leaning onto his neck. “I appreciate that, you stormcloud.”

 Virgil smiled. “It’s nothing, really.” He turned back to the phone and at the paused video. “Ready to continue?”

“Yeah, go ahead.” Amanda nodded, settling in.

 “Sweet.” Virgil pressed play and once again got lost in the mindless video.

After a few minutes, Amanda interrupted again. “...hey Virgil?”

 “Yeah?” Virgil answered.

“What uh….what’s gonna happen when my leg is healed?” Amanda asked.

 Virgil blinked. “Well...whatever you want. It’s your decision. If you want to stay or visit, cool. If you never come back...then that’s okay too.”

“...cool.” Amanda looked down at her fully healed leg. “Just wondering.”

 Virgil hummed but turned back to the video without another word.

Amanda was quiet after that, content to watch the video with him. She was certain if she were more awake it would be interesting, but the little borrower was tired. It had been a long, exhausting day. Amanda covered her yawn with the back of her hand, feeling her eyelids begin to droop. Soon, they closed completely. Amanda let her full weight lean onto Virgil, content to let her mind go elsewhere as her world became nothing more than the feeling of rising and falling with his every breath.

 Virgil didn’t pay any mind to the sudden weight against his neck. Too focused on the video. When it ended, he started to scroll through some other videos. “See one that looks good?” He asked, continuing to scroll. After a minute of scrolling and no answer, Virgil paused. “Amanda?”

 Another minute, still no answer. And she was too close to his neck to be able to see. Wait...was she asleep? Did she actually fall asleep on his shoulder? What-What should he do? Should he move her? But then he might wake her up...but he couldn’t very well just leave her there either!

 Virgil bit his lip and stared down at his phone, trying to figure out a way to go about this.

However, as Virgil sat there trying to figure it out, it seemed physics had its own answer. With Virgil shifting his head down, and Amanda not awake to steady herself, the borrower came tumbling down.

 “Huh-Whoa!” Virgil, in the split second he felt the weigh leave his shoulder and Amanda fall, reached his hand out to catch her. He breathed a sigh of relief as Amanda landed safely in his palm, thankful for his quick reflexes. He brought her closer to look her over, wondering if she had slept through that. “Amanda?”

Amanda only let out a small high pitched yawn, curling in on herself not unlike a cat. It seemed the fall had not disturbed her slumber at all.

 Virgil blinked. She was...still asleep. Wow. Welp, looks like it was finally time for bed. He gently set Amanda down on the pillow and then placed his phone on the nightstand as he laid down fully. He sent one last glance towards Amanda before closing his eyes. “Goodnight.” He whispered, despite knowing he wouldn’t be heard. And then he fell asleep.

[winteriron-trash]

Ok, so that fanfic questions ask meme? You wanna do ALL OF THEM?!

YES, LET’S DO IT, HERE WE GO, PREPARE YOURSELF I’m copy and pasting answers I’ve already done just so I don’t have to retype them and there’s a break because god this got long. I might link this on my About Me post, cause holy shit I spent time on this

1. What was the first fandom you got involved in?

Actual fandom? Probably DC. That’s when I started reading fanfiction and really poked my head around online communities dedicated to media and all.

2. What is your latest fandom?

I don’t know, probably Marvel? Maybe Riverdale, but I was a fan of the comics before so

3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

If I’m assuming this question is about the actual fandom and not the source material and the people in the fandom and its community as a whole? Probably the Percy Jackson fandom. Not really into it anymore so I don’t know the state of it now, but it was a pretty wholesome and positive community. Any community that calls it’s creator “Uncle Rick” has gotta be pretty dope.

4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms?

Oh lord save my soul for admitting I like this, but definitely Five Nights at Freddy’s. The indie gaming, creepypasta, underground subculture as a whole is something I regret getting into. Don’t get me wrong, I usually love the source material, but the fandom is just so bad. You probably know what I’m talking about, the fangirls who insist they’re insane and are in love with Slenderman or something.

But specifically on FNaF, lord, I don’t even know what the fandom is anymore. It’s a meme, a fetish, and a hellspace all at once. And I’m not gonna fucking lie, I’ve been in this hellhole long before any of that. Like, I can’t even try to escape it, I’m in it for the long haul. I was just someone who joined for the lore and now we’re here with fucking casual bongos and trash gang and fuck I didn’t ask for this. I can’t escape. I know so fucking much about the franchise it hurts my fucking soul. I remember when the FNaF 2 trailer came out and we were all micro-analyzing London Bridge Is Falling Down. I remember when Springtrap didn’t have a name and we called that fucking Spring Bonnie or Golden Bonnie. I survived that era and I have PTSD from it, trust me. I remember when we were naive enough to think FNaF 3 was the last game. I know what channels were born and what channels died because of that series. I know it all.

I’m sorry, I got off topic. BUT I DON’T GET TO FUCKING RANT ABOUT IT ENOUGH, FUCKING FUCKSHIT

Oh, and a lot of bandoms I was in too. I went through an alt phase where I’d only listen to shit like BVB, BMTH, MCR, PTV, SWS, and so on. Once again, that sort of fandom was the same as the indie/creepypasta in being ‘different’ and ‘insane’ and all that and I was no different. I was a weird fucking kid when I was like 13. I regret all of it.

5. Which fandoms have your written fanfiction for?

Marvel, DC, and a couple Riverdale. 

6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

Not in many fandoms but

Marvel - WinterIronDC - SuperbatStar Trek Voyager - Captain Janeway/Seven of NinePercy Jackson - Solangelo

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.

Marvel - Stucky, Stuckony, Romanogers, Clintasha, any incest ones, (save me for admitting this) SpideypoolDC - Any batboys shipped together, Bruce/Talia

And I don’t really have NOTPs for my other fandoms? Marvel and DC are really the only two things I’m invested in the fandom of. I guess you could count Wincest as well for Supernatural.

8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom?

What even is my latest fandom? Um, we’ll just say Marvel because I’m really not into joining fandoms much anymore. Honestly, I was a big DC fan who felt the need to hate Marvel because no shit. Eventually, I just got sick of the absolute shit movies DC had and I decided I had nothing to lose by just watching Iron Man. When I watched it I realized “wow, superhero movies can actually be good???” and I just binged the entire MCU in one month and was ready to see the next movie in theatres and I think I’ve seen every single MCU movie in theatres since Civil War? Definitely since Homecoming. I gave up on DC movies. The new Aquaman looks like shit, I’m so fucking pissed they redid Mera’s look when she looked perfectly fucking fine before and now she’s oversexualized and it’s gross. I’m excited for the new DC Batwoman TV show because I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO SEE A LIVE ACTION BATWOMAN SINCE THE DAWN OF FUCKING TIME

9. What are the best things about your current fandom?

Probably the Tony Stark Defense Squad. As a collective whole, I think the Defense Squad is one of the sweetest, nicest corners of the fandom. We’re incredibly kind to each other, write great meta and fic, and it’s just a great community. Of course, there are assholes, but you know.

I might get flamed for saying this, but also the HYDRA Trash Party corner of the fandom is actually really nice? Like, they understand consent and abuse aftermath and all the real shit better than the rest of the fandom, not gonna lie. Like, for as dark as the fic is you’d expect the people to be fucking nasties, but I have never met a rude HTP enthusiast. Or even one who’s unaware of how consent and whump work. They’re all very aware and kind. It’s bizarre, considering the source material. They get an awful rep though.

10.  Is there a fandom you read fic from but don’t write in?

Literally any fandom I’m in besides Marvel and DC. I think I wrote like 2 Riverdale fics. Getting into reading fanfic and getting into writing fanfic are two entirely different ballparks. I don’t really read that much fanfic anyway, especially not anymore. I read Marvel and DC, but even then. I think it’s hard because sometimes you can’t switch off the whole ‘reading like a writer’ thing. That’s why I enjoy classic literature. I’m a slut for some good ass prose and symbolism.

11. Who is your current OTP?

WinterIron, of ducking course.

12. Who is your current OT3?

I’m not really a fan of OT3s, to be honest, I find I’m personally pretty weak with writing poly relationships and I don’t really enjoy reading them because one character is usually focused on a lot more than the other two. But if I had to pick, I would say T’Challa/M’Baku/Bucky only because I am solely responsible for the creation of that abomination and you have no idea how much people begged me for a series after the first one, it astounded me.

13. Any NoTPs?

As before listed, Stucky, Stuckony, Spideypool, Clintasha, Romanogers

14. Go on, who are your BroTPs?

IronWidow is my top BroTP, but I also like WinterWidow as a BroTP. Stucky is good as a BroTP too, as well as Tony & Rhodey.

15. Is there an obscure ship which you love?

Literally any ship I have. Yall I’ve been here since WinterIron was obscure. But to name a specific one I’m just gonna go with Pietro/Tony. I don’t know, I just had an idea I was writing for them and I was thinking about how much missed out potential there was between them. And with Pietro as a whole, but you know. Marvel has to kill off the only good Maximoff they had.

Oh, Natasha/Pepper too, but they aren’t as obscure, I guess.

16. Are their any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike?

Stucky, clearly.

17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite?

Stony, and no. They fell apart for me, at least MCU-wise.

18. What ship have you written the most about?

By now, WinterIron, I believe. I recently passed my count of fics for Superbat.

19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them?

Pepperony, probably. I think it’s actually a cute and sweet ship and I like their in-canon moments, but I just can’t get behind reading fanfic of them? It never works out for me, I don’t really get it. It sucks because I do enjoy seeing their cute moments.

20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking?

I’ll do a different answer I thought of besides the first time I answered this. But Thruce was a big shocker for me. I didn’t even think about it during Ragnorak but then I saw an incorrect quote for it and I was like? Oh? This? This is a good, pure ship right here. The funny thing is, I actually wrote a fic with them as a side ship long before they hit it big so like, I was shocked when they came out of nowhere. But hey, I’m fucking here for it. I’ll probably never write it, but I’m here for it. 

21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote?

Goodnight, My Angel. It was a Superbat fic and really sad, but I still love it.

22. Is there anything you regret writing?

Probably... You Deserve Love And You’ll Get It. No, I won’t link it because I hate it that much. I’m not even gonna talk about it.  It’s my most popular fic too why

23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it.

Super dorky, but The (Un)Wanted Kiss. It’s my first finished chapter fic, and the first chaptered fic I did on Tumblr and it just brings me a lot of nostalgia. It reminds me of where I was as a writer when I started it and it was an entire fic spawned from people wanting more of a simple 500-word prompt and that just blows my mind. It reminds me of the power of fans and how much love and support I got from it. It really kicked me off as a “serious fanfic writer” I think.

24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit?

All You Are Is All I Need. That is a hot fucking mess. Probably The Red Halo too.

25. What’s your most popular fanfic?

*sigh* You Deserve Love And You’ll Get It

26. How do you come up with your fanfic titles?

I bullshit my way through them. My most recent fics have actually followed a trend of being named after songs.

27. What do you hate more: Coming up with titles or writing summaries?

Summaries. I always make them so fucking corny, I hate it.

28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of?

One Foot In Front Of The Other, probably. Just because I want more fem!WinterIron fanart. I can’t say what scene because spoilers but.... yeah, anything from that would be great, really.

29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not?

Sort of. I make some of my friends like Pizza read over my shit before I post it, but that’s not often, only when I think I need it. I don’t just because I write a lot and I’d feel bad for constantly annoying someone with making them read everything I write. I hate inconveniencing people.

30. What inspires you to write?

The better question is what doesn’t. I never stop thinking like a writer. My brain forgot how to turn off that feature.

31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing?

Ummmm, I can’t think of an exact thing? I get so many beyond sweet comments and messages, it’s hard to pin down one comment. I think if I had to pick, I once got a message from someone on Tumblr who was old enough to be my mother complimenting me and telling me I didn’t write like a teenager and I think that was really sweet.

32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you?

Yes, yes, yes, yes. And honestly, any genre. I listen to everything. Everything. But specifically, Emilie Autumn has inspired a lot ideas/fics I’ve written.

33. Do you write oneshots, multi-chapter fics or huuuuuge epics?

All of the above.

34. What’s the word count on your longest fic?

Around 23k, I think?

35. Do you write drabbles? If so, what do you normally write them about?

Yes, and whatever I get prompted for, really.

36. What’s your favourite genre to write?

For fanfiction, I guess romance? I mean, that’s really all my fanfiction is. Otherwise, I’ll write quite literally any genre I feel like. I go wherever an idea takes me. I’m character based, not genre or plot based.

37. First person or third person - what do you write in and why?

Third. I fucking despise 1st person. I just do. That’s an entire rant we ain’t here for today.

38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs?

Usually canon characters. I only use an OC when I absolutely have to, to make the plot do the plot stuff.

39. What is you greatest strength as a writer?

Nothing. My writing sucks. All of it is shit.

40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing?

Everything. I screech the most about pacing and sentence structures though.

41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:

Most of these are actually on my to-read list but whatever.

Winter's End by ali_aliska Winter is Coming (aka Fifty First Avengers Dates) by 27dragons, tisfan My Love is Vengeance by seikaitsukimizu The caged Hawk by asamandra Fertile Ground by 27dragons, tisfan

42. List and link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing:

27dragons tisfanChiaki_Hamano arianapeterson19 thepartyresponsible

43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you?

Not really? I’m not knocking any of the other ‘big names’ in the Marvel fandom, but I don’t really draw inspiration from other fanfic writers. Not for plot, and definitely not for writing style. I get inspiration from fanart I see sometimes, but it’s never one main artist who I stalk to be inspired, just whatever I happen across online.

44. What ship do you feel needs more attention?

WinterIron, duh. I will not rest until WinterIron is the biggest ship in the Marvel fandom.

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic?

I’ve mentioned this fic before and honestly, it hasn’t been topped yet, but  In the Company of Monsters by Chiaki_Hamano. It’s not even a Marvel fic, and it’s not even a ship I like, but god, I fucking adore it. I’d love to write something like it, but with WinterIron if I had the time, I think the entire world and setting would fit WinterIron beautifully.

46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?

Well, that all depends on what they’re looking for in my fanfiction. If they’re looking for WinterIron, I’d probably tell them to start with The (Un)Wanted Kiss just because that’s one of my most loved fics and I think I did really well with it. But if they just want a general fic, A Great Connection is one I’m really proud of and I still get gushing feedback about.

47. Archive Of Our Own, Fanfiction.net or Tumblr - where do you prefer to post and why?

For just writing fanfic, Ao3. Tumblr can be a pain in the ass, and I don’t even use ff.net.

48. Do you leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/Why not?

Yes. But only if 1, I really, really loved it or 2, I don’t think the fic has enough attention. It also helps if the writer responds to comments. I don’t see the significance of saying “I loved this!” if the fic has dozens of other comments saying the same thing. As a writer, I know what comments writers prefer. Longer ones, deep comments pointing out what things they liked, and so on. However if I write a comment that long, I like to get a response because you know, I love seeing the writer talking about the elements of the story I liked. 

49. Do you care if people comment/reblog your writing? Why/why not?

Not really, to be perfectly honest. Yes, I love and cherish every kudos and note I get, and the sweet comments make me want to die of joy. But I write for me. Even when I take prompts, in the end, I write because it makes me happy. Yes, I love the validation. But even without it, I would still write. I do not write fanfiction for you, I share fanfiction with you. There’s a difference. Writing makes me happy. If I only cared about the validation, I wouldn’t have a folder reserved of fics I’ll never post but I wrote just because I wanted to. I write to write. The moment I start writing for validation, I might as well stop writing, because it’s not worth it.

50. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction?

Ummmm I think I was just curious? I was new to internet culture, I saw fanart of Superbat and I discovered Ao3 and was like “wow, this stuff exists??? Words for free????? About my favourite characters being happy and dating each other??????????” and it was a downward spiral. I was like, 11 when I read my first fanfiction. I was obsessed with Superbat fanart, and I thought, what would it hurt to try actually reading it? Like, that was so taboo to me. And now we’re here. Tadaaaaaah

51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

Oh, a chance to ramble. Yay. I’m gonna rant because I’m a rant-y person.

I think something that annoys me about fanfiction is not necessarily a probably within fanfiction, but rather the outward view of it. Fanfic has an awful rep within the real world. The one-time fanfiction really took centre stage was when Fifty Shades came out, which only hurt the platform by furthering the stereotype that it’s all porn made for horny freaks who just want to get off.

I should not be ashamed to say I write fanfiction. I should not feel childish saying it to myself. No one should. At least half of my ‘fans’ are nearly a decade or more older than me. It’s clearly not something that’s immature or silly. Of course, it can be, but any hobby can be dumbed down to a kiddy version.

But fanfiction at its core is ignored for what it really is. When adults talk about fanfiction they belittle it and only see a tiny subsection of it, ignoring what it’s supposed to be about. It’s about creating transformative works for media you’re passionate about.

Fanfiction gets a worse rep than other transformative works such as fanart or whatever. Writing as a whole does. Fanfic is painted as this utter trash.

I’ve read fanfiction that made me cry, laugh, feel shit. I’ve read fanfiction that tackled heavy topics. Even on a sexual standpoint, I’ve read fanfiction that was willing to write erotica that published authors wouldn’t fucking touch. Both in a kink sense, but also in terms of how the relationship functions. I’ve read shitty fanfictions, sure. But I’ve read fanfictions that were better than 90% of the published books I’ve read. Even fanfics I didn’t like.

To put fanfiction into perspective, the average YA novel (the age group fanfiction is generally but not always aimed at) is 70k words. I’ve read fanfiction that blows that word count out of the water. And it takes fucking skill to write something that long. It’s not just writing a bunch of porn or cute scenes, that takes serious world building and character arcs.

Fanfiction kills so many tropes that are common in YA and literature in general. I read a YA after reading nothing but fanfiction for a long time and I was fucking appalled? It was a popular YA too. I won’t name what one because you could literally imagine anyone and it’d probably fit. The characters were flat, the romance was outright manipulative and toxic, the plot was dull, even the writing itself was bland. This was the type of book years ago I would’ve loved. But compared to most (of course, not all. Shit exists, but I think in fanfiction, we’re able to better filter out the shit) fanfictions, it was fucking trash.

When I started reading fanfiction, I assumed it’d lower my standards. The first time I picked up an actual novel I was relieved, excited to not have to deal with the problems that are in unpublished writings. But I quickly realized it was the complete opposite. Fanfiction threw my expectations through the roof. I expect fiction to include representation, fresh plots, interesting characters, thrilling romances, and decent fucking sex scenes if they’re there. But it just wasn’t there. It all fell flat. As someone seriously into the writing and reading community I hear so often that it’s hard for plots to be original and you shouldn’t judge on originality, but then I read fanfiction written by fucking teenagers that’s fucking mind-blowing with plot twists and original ideas, and I have to wonder is it really that hard? It’s clearly doable, you just have to take away the fanfiction part.

I have YA novels sitting on my sheld I know I’ll never read and enjoy because fanfiction just made my expectations too high. Which is good in a sense because I pray some of these amazing writers, when they get older will go on to write mind-blowing original novels and I hope that this generation of writers will put out great literature in ten to fifteen years, but for now I’m just… underwhelmed. I think it’s why I read a lot of classic literature too. Shit was better back then.

And yet despite all that, fanfiction is still made to look like shit in the modern media. It sucks so badly for fanfiction writers not to look like serious writers. I could publish one book, have it get the amount of attention my biggest fanfic got and be considered a serious author. My biggest fanfiction currently has 40k notes on Tumblr. Imagine if that were a published short story. It’d be a fucking hit. And there are others that make my numbers look small. And yet it’s brushed aside as unimpactful.

I think a lot of that stems from the fact that fanfic writers do generally start out younger. I’m 16. Others either are or were my age. But age does not equate to skill in writing. Sure, that is a factor, but it is not the entire story. I know a 14 yr old who writes some of the best prose I have ever seen. And even if younger fic writers aren’t on level yet, fanfiction is what’s helping them grow as a writer. But because we’re teenagers, we’re turned away just because of that. Even more specifically because we’re teenage girls (for the most part, I’m not saying other genders and/or age groups aren’t writing/reading fanfic) and we all know how society feels about them. It’s just a fucking shame that fanfiction can’t be respected for the legitimate form of writing it is because of the stigma. I’ve seen fanfic writers say they aren’t real writers because of the stigma, it’s awful. We feel the need to tear ourselves down for an admirable hobby. I can’t say my favourite book is a fanfiction I read, when I has every right to be a valid answer.

We’ll cut this ramble off here because wow I really went on didn’t I.

[canaryatlaw]

alright, I’m tired so let’s get to writing this. Today was fine I guess, just uneventful and not particularly interesting. My alarm went off at 10:55 and I got ready to head to the DV clinic. Commute was uneventful, got there ten minutes before my shift began, so good timing. Then I started waiting for a case. The receptionists in the waiting area are always on a power trip about the “no cell phones” rule, it’s meant to just be no calls, but they’ll get mad if you're on your phone for any reason, so instead of just using it normally I opened my laptop (there’s no wifi in the building because cook county sucks, or I would’ve just gone on my laptop) and used it as a shield so I could go on my phone behind it, lol. I was kinda irritated because I kept thinking about how productive I could’ve been if I had wifi, but alas, I didn’t, so I really couldn’t do much. So we waited, and waited. There were a lot of volunteers and just not any cases really, so we got released around 2:30, a full two hours before our shift normally ends. Alright, so I head home, when I get off the train the next bus was still 16 minutes away, so I went to the coffee/donut store right there and got a vanilla cone because it at least has less calories than a donut at least. Got on the bus and got home, and decided to try and be productive in the free time I have. I left my civil rights law book at school, but the cases we had to read for today were posted online, so I was able to do the reading for them. I read through two shorter ones, then did the syllabus summary for the other two longer ones (25+ pages at like 10 point font, ain’t nobody got time for that) and managed to write fairly thorough case briefs, so I was pleased with that. I heated up some left over mac and cheese from the other night for dinner (so good) and watched some more Riverdale until it was time for the flash. I can’t say I was expecting much, because they’ve been playing the promo for this episode for weeks now, and it looks fucking ridiculous, and it turns out that was a pretty accurate prediction. I dislike Ralph so much, and I don’t understand why the show seems to have focused all of their storylines around him and his personal growth, while this is The Flash ffs we don’t need to make an unlikeable prick the center of attention. I thought the meta’s powers were inventive, to say the least, but the concept was still rather ridiculous, as was their eventual solution. So yeah, I wasn’t terribly impressed there. Black Lightning, on the other hand, had another kick ass episode. I’m so sad next week is the season finale because 13 episodes is wayyyy too short. There was so much good in this episode, but I absolutely adored the sequence towards the end where Khalil and Tobias try to take over Garfield High and Anissa and Jefferson are running around trying to fight them, and there’s that incredibly badass scene where Anissa takes on Tobias’ female goon person and she’s just shooting and shooting at Anissa, who is just standing there with the bullets bouncing off of her until goon lady was out of ammo, and like, that was just so incredibly bad ass I loved every second of it. I liked that they showed Jennifer wavering between wanting to go fight with her dad and sister and her desire to not get involved in that life, but of course she’s the one who saves the day at the end with her powers that end up bringing her dad back to life after his heart stopped, and like.....the poetic beauty of that is just too fucking much. I love the writers of this show, and it’s very clear they know exactly what they’re doing, which is more than I can say about some other CW DCTV shows.....anyway. It was a good episode and I’m sad it’s season is also almost over, since I’m still sad legends is gone. After Black Lightning finished I watched the new episode of Rise that my DVR recorded, because apparently it’s on at the same time as Black Lightning, but that will no longer be a problem after next week so it’s no biggie. It was a solid episode, the different musical choices were well done, their version of My Junk at the end was perfectly done, as was Lilette singing Those You’ve Known to the empty auditorium. Really enjoying this show so far. After that I finished the last five minutes of the episode of Riverdale I had left, so now I just need to watch next week’s to be up to date, but being that there’s another episode coming out tomorrow and I’ll probably be watching Designated Survivor when it airs I’m sure I’ll soon be two behind anyway. Sigh. I watched the news for a bit then before starting to get ready for bed, and that’s pretty much it. It’s almost 1 am so I think I will take my leave now. Goodnight my dearies. Hope you had a wonderful day.

[liaragaming]

Roleplayer, Ch3

Modern AU where Solas and Lavellan are grad students who get pulled into Varric’s tabletop roleplay campaign in which they play themselves from Dragon Age: Inquisition. Fluff, angst, and meta ensues.

If you’ve enjoyed Solas Romance D&D, it’s a fanfic now.

Fanfiction.net ArchiveOfOurOwn [ch2]

It's the early hours of the morning when Solas returns to his apartment, emotionally drained but still pleased by the night's events. He drops his keys on the kitchen counter before turning down the hall toward his bedroom.

His roommate, Dorian, peeks out from behind his own bedroom door, dressed only in boxer shorts.

“You know,” he says. “One of these nights there's going to be a thief in our apartment, and I won't get up to make sure it's you. And then we'll both be dead.”

Solas rolls his eyes. “Or just you.”

“What?”

He sighs. He wouldn't mind genuine sleep right now. But if he retreated to the sanctuary of his room and ignored the conversation, Dorian would just bring it up again later. “The necessity to check if it's me implies I'm not here. So it'd just be you who would theoretically die.”

“Or you are here,” Dorian corrects him. “But I'm so sleepy and used to you coming home during odd hours of the night, I assume it's you anyway.”

Solas rubs his eyes. “I doubt we'd be dead. Burglaries don't usually degrade to murder.”

Dorian gives a laugh. “You've never been to Tevinter.”

“We're not in Tevinter.”

A hiss emanates in response from Dorians shins. Vhera, Dorian's long haired black cat, nuzzles against her owner's legs while keeping her yellow eyes on Solas.

“With any luck,” he says. “Orlesian thieves are interested in pets.”

“Now, now,” says Dorian, picking Vhera up. “If anyone tried to steal you, you'd just scratch their eyes out, wouldn't you, you little monster?” He nuzzles his nose against hers.

Solas heads for his bedroom. “Goodnight, Dorian.”

Vhera gives him another hiss.

Solas gives his door a shove to close it and collapses gratefully onto his bed.

“I'm afraid my roommate thinks you're a bad influence.”

He looks up from the book in his hand. “I'm sorry?”

Mithra sighs, putting down her phone that she's been texting into. “She doesn't believe you're actually here to study.”

He's not sure he understands. “Do you mean here at the library or here as in the University?”

“University.”

“And why would she think that?”

Mithra picks up her book. “You disappear at odd hours of the night – which we know what that's about. And you spend hours in odd sections of the library investigating subjects not related to the Veil… supposedly.”

He blinks. “And your roommate would know my research habits how exactly?”

Mithra shrugs and gives a wave of her hand like she doesn't care. She groans as her phone vibrates again. She sets down her book and picks up her phone again. “She also thinks we're ravishing each other till the early hours of the morning.”

He chokes on air. “Excuse me?”

She smirks at him from behind her phone. He isn't sure if she's joking or not.

“I don't understand why your roommate would be so concerned about my...” He searches for the right words. “Activities… or lack there of.”

She punches a response into her phone. Then her eyes widen in recognition of his words, and she breaks into a fit of giggles.

Heads in the library turn to look at their table, and Mithra presses a hand to her mouth to stifle her laughter.

He pretends to ignore her, returning to his book. He's barely read a page of it since he sat across from her an hour ago.

Her phones goes off again and she exhales in exasperation. “I just wish Vivienne would stop bothering me about her Circle connections.”

Solas trips over the words on the page. “Wait.” He looks up at her. “Please tell me you're not talking about Grand Enchanter Vivienne.” He waits for her to laugh and tell him he's crazy, but she doesn't.

She thinks for a moment. “I suppose there aren't any other Viviennes in the Circle?”

He groans.

“Is that such as bad thing?” she asks.

“Is it a bad thing your roommate has the connections to have me followed at all hours of the day?”

She shakes her head. “She's not having you followed.”

He fixes her with a look.

She points a finger at him. “You are overly cynical and mistrusting of people, and I accept that.”

He sits back in his chair and tosses his hopeless book on the table.

“You're overreacting,” she tells him.

“I'm overreacting? Does it not bother you that your roommate is running the only Circle in Thedas in direct opposition to the College of Enchanters?”

She stares at him. “What's so bad about that?”

He throws up his hands, runs them over his head, and takes a breath as he reminds himself not take his frustration out on her. “A return to the Circles where Mages were imprisoned isn't a bad thing?”

She shakes her head again. “No one is returning the Circles.”

“But your roommate would prefer to see them return.”

“But they're not going to.”

He exhales in exasperation. How can she not see the importance of this? He leans back in his chair and changes tactics. “Have you given any thought as to why she's rooming with you?”

She leans back in her own chair and narrows her eyes at him. “What do you mean?”

“She's the Grand Enchanter,” he tells her. “She could have the entire University leaning on her every whim, delivering books to her personal quarters, having professors visiting the Circle personally to tutor her, but instead she chooses to room with you.”

“Our apartment complex has a very rigorous roommate matching process.”

He crosses his arms. “I'm sure it does.”

“What are you saying?”

“You're exotic,” he tells her. “How much prestige does it gain her to personally know the Dalish elf?”

Her brow is furrowed in annoyance. “Vivienne is a friend.”

“I'm sure she is,” he says.

As though on cue, Mithra's phone vibrates. She rolls her eyes and picks it up again. Then smiles triumphantly. “Vivienne's invited us both to lunch!”

He shakes his head. “Well, this should be interesting.”

“Stop it,” she tells him.

Lunch turns out to be more interesting than he thought. An entire room has been reserved in one of the University buildings. Through the glass walls they can view Vivienne entertaining in a room containing hors d'oeuvres, wine, and over half a dozen elven men.

“Don't say it,” Mithra tells him before he can protest.

He gestures at the room. “Is there some way I shouldn't take this?”

Mithra takes a deep breath and let's it out, her nostrils flaring as she glares at her roommate. She takes Solas' arm and guides them forward. “Come on.”

Vivienne greets her roommate with open arms as they walk through the door. “Darling!”

Mithra does not return the embrace. “What is this?” she asks when Vivienne pulls away from her.

“It's just dinner with a few friends.” She gestures around, grinning broadly. “I'm pleased to see you brought your friend.” He's not sure whether or not he imagined the emphasis on the last word. “I thought you'd appreciate the opportunity to mingle with such esteemed guests.”

He has no idea who these elven men are, though he supposes they must have some reputation to be among Vivienne's contacts. Three of them wear Circle robes, two are in full suits, and the others are dressed business-casual. They make quite the contrast to his own plain gray t-shirt, blue zip-up hoodie, and jeans. But then, he hadn't expected needing to impress anyone today.

“Vivienne–” Mithra starts.

Her roommate takes her hand. “Come, darling. There's someone I want you to meet.”

Mithra stumbles as Vivienne pulls her from his side. Solas sighs. He glances around the room again, this time focusing on the food and wine. If he has to be here, he might as well take advantage of the fine Orlesian fare offered.

He decides against the food – although there are mini chocolate cakes that catch his attention – and instead takes a glass of wine and nurses it from a chair in the corner of the room.

Mithra is chatting with one of the Circle mages. This one has vallaslin on his face – a feature he expects the Grand Enchanter hoped the two would bond over. Solas can't hear the words being exchanged, but the mage laughs and Mithra's face scrunches in disgust. She walks away from him, leaving the mage to stare after her. When he tries to reconcile his mistake, Mithra keeps her back to him, pretending to be engrossed in another elf's conversation. Eventually, he gives up and leaves the room.

Solas chuckles into his wine.

One by one the room's occupants diminish, Mithra dismissing one elf after another. If this distresses her roommate, the Grand Enchanter never breaks her charming countenance. Mithra, on the other hand, grows increasingly annoyed, the color in her face rises to a permanent flush and her smile is pained. She breaks away from Vivienne for a moment and joins him in the corner.

“I'm so sorry I dragged you into this,” she says, rubbing the back of her neck. “This must be so awkward–”

“I am rather enjoying myself,” he tells her.

She drops her hand from her neck. “You are?”

He raises his wine glass in a toast to her. “Watching you dispatch your potential suitors has been quite entertaining.”

Her nerves vanish and a wide grin spreads across her face. “Well, then. I suppose I should dispatch a few more.”

“Please do.”

She begins to walk away but then turns around and gives him an opened mouthed kiss before leaving again.

He sighs as he watches her go, wanting nothing more than to pull her back to him and forget about the four remaining men in the room and the scheming roommate.

Speaking of which...

Vivienne makes her way to him, her smile full of politeness and what would appear to be genuine warmth. She's so deep in The Game, he wonders if she sometimes fools herself.

He raises his glass to her. “You throw a fine gathering, Enchanter.”

She gives a wave of her hand as she sits next to him. “You are too kind. This could have been far grander, but Mithra is so devoted to her studies, I would have never been able to pull her off campus.”

Solas gives a nod. “She can be quite stubborn when she knows what she wants.”

Vivienne's gaze follows her roommate. “I've found that a gentle push in the right direction can often change even the most stubborn mind.”

He sips his wine. “And this tactic works often?”

“When it needs to.”

They sit in silence and watch as another elf leaves the room. Solas smiles and tries to hide it by raising the wine glass to his lips.

Vivienne turns her attention to him. “Might I inquire as to your intentions with our dear Mithra?”

He drinks to give himself time to think of answer she won't use against him. “My intentions… are to be at her side so long as she will permit me.”

“And should she choose otherwise?” she asks.

He shrugs. “Then we shall part ways.”

“Such a casual attitude for someone who has watched her so intently at present.”

“Are either of those inappropriate?” He places his empty glass on the table beside him. “We've only been dating a few weeks. Would it please you more if I were to propose marriage? I only state the facts of any relationship, Enchanter.”

She says nothing but stands as Mithra moves to meet the final suitor, the last of the Circle mages. Vivienne joins the two of them, apparently intent on making this work.

Solas pays them little attention, anticipating the moment when he and Mithra can finally leave. He's debating on whether or not he wants to snatch one of those chocolate cakes, when a small cry sounds in his head. Something tugs on his consciousness, like a fish hook pulling his attention to the mage.

The mage's hand is in the air directing a show of dancing lights emanating from a spirit.

Solas grips the arm of his chair to stop himself from rising out of it. He tries to avert his gaze, but even though the spirit has gone silent, the cry of distress still echoes in his mind. He cannot look away.

Mithra glances at him as she's done the whole event. She does a double a take, than hurries to him. “What's wrong?”

“It's nothing,” he tells her, his gaze faltering now that she's blocking his view. He takes a breath, tells himself to forget it. No harm has been done.

“Solas.” She lifts his chin, forcing his eyes to meet hers, full of gentleness and concern.

His resolve melts. “Remember how I unlocked the door to the library roof, and you asked how I did it?”

She nods. “You said you had friends.”

“Spirits,” he tells her.

She blinks. “Spirits?”

“They are intelligent creatures, I talk with them, I befriend them, I ask for help and they choose whether or not to do so.” Irritation rises in his voice. “ They are not things to be bound to obedience against their will used for parlor tricks.”

Mithra's eyes harden and she stands. She strides toward the elven mage who still smiles, pleased with himself.

“Let it go,” she tells him.

His smile drops. “What?”

“I said, let it go.”

He blinks, confused. “It's just a harmless spell.”

Her back is to him, so Solas can't see her face, but he can imagine the flash of determination in her eyes as she pushes the mage's arm down, breaking the spell and releasing the spirit. The fish hook feeling in the back of Solas' head dissipates.

She turns and glares at her roommate. “Thank you, Vivienne, for the company this evening, but I'm afraid I'll be leaving with the one I walked in with.”

She goes to Solas, takes his arm, and pulls him out of his chair. “Should you like to join my boyfriend and I for lunch sometime with just the three of us, we'd be happy to have you.”

She leads him from the room, not stopping until they have left the building. She exhales a hard breath and turns to him. Her face is still flushed with irritation. “Are you all right?”

He nods at her. He's better than all right, to tell the truth.

She cocks her head. “How do you get through campus? I'm sure spirit binding is practiced in at least one class.”

“I avoid the Magical Studies Building during those periods,” he admits.

“Doesn't it upset you?”

He nods. “Can you imagine the result if I protested? I interrupted such a class during my first weeks as a student. Dr Pentaghast had to make several reparations.”

She stares at him.

“In truth, so long as the spirit isn't forced into anything drastic and is returned to the Fade in a short time, it is only a momentary discomfort, and no real harm is done.”

She shakes her head. “You shouldn't have to bear that, Solas.”

He can't help but smile at her. “I've... never met anyone who cared before.”

Her eyes soften till they're almost sad. “Is that really so surprising?”

“Yes.”

She sighs. “You have known some shitty people.”

His grin widens. “You've said that before.”

“Well, it bares saying again!”

Her anger on his behalf is the most endearing thing, and he can't help but kiss her, the tension in her body fading away as he folds his arms around her.

She gives a satisfied sigh when he pulls away. “What were we talking about?”

He laughs and takes her hand. “There's something I want to show you.”

Vhera greets them at the door with a hiss, indicating that Dorian is not home. If he had been, Vhera would be with him.

Mithra gives Solas an inquisitive look.

He shrugs as he steps around the cat. “She doesn't like me.”

“Not a cat person?” she asks.

“I have nothing personal against them,” he tells her. “For some reason, no cat I've ever met has shared the same sentiment.”

He leads her down the hall to his room. She gasps as she passes through the doorway. His walls are covered with painted papers depicting images he's seen in the Fade; ancient ruins, old memories, spirits.

Mithra is enchanted by them, examining each one in turn, gingerly touching her fingers to the dried paint. “You've visited all these places?”

“I have.”

He waits as she makes a slow circle around his room. Though he's pleased with her enthusiasm, this isn't what he wanted to show her.

Eventually she turns to him and notices the large map of Thedas hung on his wall. Over two dozen pins mark locations labeled with notes in his handwriting; titles of books with page numbers, the names of places or things she's never hear of, various questions.

“What is this?” she asks.

“In the Fade,” he tells her. “I have seen things. Hints and what I believe to be… trail makers of a sort left by the ancient elves.”

“Trail markers?”

He nods. “I think at some point, the remaining ancient elves from when Elvhenan fell hid themselves somewhere in the far reaches of Thedas.”

Her eyes widen. “You think they might still exist somewhere today?”

“Perhaps. Or at least there may be ruins untouched by human hands.” He bites his lip. “Vivienne was right about one thing. I didn't come here to study the Veil. I hoped the University's resources would help me narrow the field.”

“Has it?” she asks, unfazed by him admission.

He shakes his head. “Not nearly as much as I hoped.”

She turns back to the map and touches the pins on it. She shakes her head. “I once believed only the Dalish were capable of recovering our lost history, but this goes farther than my people ever could.” She turns to him. “I owe you an apology, Solas.”

He shakes his head. “You owe me nothing.”

She looks at the floor. “You saw the Circle mage with the vallaslin? He left his clan, said he didn't see the point of living in squalor while trying to recover a legacy that's long dead.”

He steps to her and takes her hands. “Is that why you walked away from him so fast?”

She looks up at him, her eyes shinning with moisture. “When I left my clan, many of them thought I was abandoning them. They didn't understand how human institutions could help us reclaim what was lost. And when I first met you, I was so certain you had no idea…” She sighs. “We are a prejudiced people, and it's costs us more than we know.”

“And yet here you are.” He cups her cheek. “Working tirelessly to restore what was lost. Your people are lucky to have you, vhenan.”

“What about you?” She gestures at the map. “Why do you search when you have no clan to accept what you find?”

He smiles. “How could I ignore what my dreams showed me when I've always valued them more than the waking world?”

“Always?” she asks.

He nods.

“And what about now?”

He kisses her in response. She wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. When he teases her lips with his tongue, she lets him in and a soft moan escapes them both.

The waking world certainly has advantages it never held before.

Solas' door is closed.

The sight is so unusual it stops Dorian in his tracks outside his room. Solas never closes his door. During the day, it's usually wide open – something about liking the air flow, he once said. When his roommate has wanted privacy, he's left the door cracked by some degree, but never completely shut.

He's not sure what this means or if he has any reason to be concerned by it.

He steps to the door and raps gently as he opens it. “Solas, are you–?” His words falter immediately as his eyes fall on the two elven forms sleeping atop the covers on the bed. His eyebrows shoot toward his hairline. Solas sleeps with his arm around the shoulders of a female figure. She lays on her side against him, her arm draped across his chest. Both are shirtless but otherwise thankfully clothed.

Solas never said anything about having a lady friend.

He jumps as Vhera's soft fur brushes against his leg. “Purrrrowl?” she says, as though asking him what he's looking at.

He presses a finger to his lips, then takes a few steps back and closes Solas' door as softly as he can.

“Fen is going to tell her everything,” Solas tells Varric at their next gaming session.

Varric raises his eyebrows. “Really? Everything?”

Solas nods.

Varric lets out a breath. “You realize that would change the entire campaign? I would have to rewrite everything I have prepared beyond this point.”

“Didn't you say the best stories are uncovered and not told?” Mithra supplies.

Varric grumbles under his breath. He throws up his hands. “Fine!”

Solas and Mithra smile at each other across the table.

“But you're rolling for it!” Varric adds, pointing a finger at Solas.

He looks uncertainly down at his dice. He hasn't exactly had the best luck.

“Varric–“ Mithra tries.

The dwarf shakes his head. “Given the world-changing implications of this, and his character would know that, he has to make a Will Save to tell her.”

Mithra turns to Solas and grimaces.

Solas sighs, picks up his die, and rolls.

2.

Varric laughs. Mithra gives him a look.

“Fine,” he chuckles. “I'll let you roll again.”

Solas tries again.

4.

Varric puts his face in his hands. Solas isn't sure if he's laughing or crying.

“Alright,” he says when he pulls his hands away. “One more time, Chuckles.”

1.

Solas curses under his breath.

Mithra holds out her hand for the die. He hands it to her, and she tosses it into the waste basket at the other end of the table.

He wishes he'd thought of that sooner. “Okay, Varric, what does that mean?”

“Well, Fen has to tell Ellana something,” he says. “He did promise to tell her the truth, so it's got to be something she doesn't know. But it's not what he intended to tell her.”

His mind draws a blank. Something Ellana doesn't know?

He looks across the table at Mithra and tries to think of things he's seen in the Fade that she wouldn't know about. But not just lost elven phrases or ruins. Something big… something world-shattering. Something that would be meaningful enough for Fen to have dragged Ellana so far from Skyhold.

Varric snaps his fingers. “Come on. Fen's on a bit of a time crunch here.”

All he can think of is Mithra's face staring back at him, her beautiful eyes, her soft smile, the vallaslin that frames her features... “They're slave markings.”

Mithra blinks. Her eyebrows come together as her eyes search his face. He looks away.

“Slave markings,” Varric repeats breathlessly. “That's… well… how does Ellana–?”

“Hold on.” Mithra holds up a hand to silence him. Her gaze never leaves Solas. “Are you roleplaying right now, or was that for real?”

He won't look at her. He can't look at her.

She slams her fist on the table. “Solas!”

He jumps and turns to meet her gaze.

“You made that up right?” she asks. “You didn't mean...”

If he could take it back, he would. If he could curse his mouth shut, he would. If he'd had more time to think of something appropriate and Varric hadn't been pressuring him while he was staring at her face–

“Oh, Creators,” she breathes.

“Mithra, I'm sorry.” He reaches for her hands, but she pulls them away. “I didn't mean… I just...”

“Why would you say that?!” she demands, tears filling her eyes.

He stands, moving to comfort her, but she pushes him away. She snatches her coat from the back of her chair.

“I hope Varric doesn't mind giving you a ride home.”  She brushes passed him and out the front door.

Solas runs his hands over his face and continues to curse himself.

“That,” says Varric, “is not what I meant.”

Solas glares at him from between his fingers. “Shut up.”