#anyway i feel like there's almost no way to become a one-trick pony in writing

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Body Language in La Pluie Ep 12

I told @bengiyo the other day that I didn’t know that I had much more to say on La Pluie, because I thought the show was perfect and when it’s perfect I don’t have a lot fo analysis to write up at the very end. 

“For you, Captain Hands, who writes 20,000 word essays, that is unacceptable” 

But I was truly at a loss for what I could talk about because this whole show was phenomenal and I was seeing such good meta coming out from so many other people, I felt like most of it was covered. So I consulted the clowns and they were like “baby you’re a one trick pony, you know what you need to write about…body language,” and I went ‘oh yeah you’re right!” 

So here is a breakdown of the body language in the two confession scenes in Episode 12: Tien and Lomfon, Tai and Patts. 

Tien and Lomfon 

Judging for the sheer number of gifs of this moment, it appears Tien and Lomfon’s reconciliation and kiss was universally beloved in the fandom. And I can understand why because it is 

So 

Fucking 

Good 

Because Suar is 

So 

Fucking 

Good 

And because Copter is delivering his best performance of the show. 

So let’s just jump right in, I want to start at the very beginning of this confession because there is a lot happening in the classroom itself. The scene opens with the film teacher calling Lomfon’s name, and asking if he is ready to present. The camera cuts to a semi-close up of Lomfon’s face:

Now, generally speaking, I think Copter has a long way to go in his acting, particularly around how mobile he makes the lower half of his face, because he rarely tends to move it. But it cannot and will not be denied, that Copter has some truly expressive eyes and Lomfon’s anxious energy does bleed through in the way he sets his jaw, his shoulders, how his eyes are shining. Up until this point, Lomfon has approached almost every single possible romantic moment completely wrong, and fucked with the lives of Tien, Tai, and Patts for the sake of better understanding his own feelings. He realizes that he likes Tien, he knows Tien likes him, or that he did at one point and that he may have fucked that up. So he has absolutely no idea what this is going to do, if it will help or hurt, but he has to try it anyway, so the movie starts to play. 

Tien, notably, is very intentionally looking at the ground. He will not meet Lomfon’s eye, he will not seem interested in the film, he will not give Lomfon the time of day. Lomfon blew up three people’s lives, and didn’t seem all that remorseful about it. The film starts, and a compilation of Tien’s radiant smile graces the scene, and Tien is for the first few moments, completely unaware. That is, until the rest of the class starts visibly, physically reacting to what is airing on screen. At which point Tien risks a tentative glance towards the screen…

And sees himself over and over and over again, in so many private little moments that Lomfon has captured. And where first his eyes were transfixed on the floor, they are now transfixed on the screen. Everyone in the entire classroom has turned their eyes away from the screen and straight towards Tien, and Tien and Lomfon become the only two people in the room that are watching the movie. 

The film continues, unrelenting clips of Tien as seen through Lomfon’s eyes, and though Lomfon told Tien he would show him he cares through his actions, that is not what Tien needs. And there is a moment, though it is small, where you can see Tien’s anger/frustration click in to place. 

It’s right here, in the inhale, in the setting of his jaw, slightly crooked as he continues to process exactly what he is seeing, exactly what Lomfon has done. And he pries his eyes away from the screen, slowly meets Lomfon’s eye for the first time since their fight, and does not break eye contact until his friend leans over and asks the question “Tien, how come you’re the thing from Lomfon’s heart?” at which point the spell is broken, the anger boils over, and Tien, being the third child who has his head on straight and is used to suppressing his own emotional state, rockets out of the room with a bitter, half-assed “I have to use the bathroom” excuse everyone can see through. 

This is not the reaction that Lomfon was expecting based on the way his body is turned to face Tien, the way his jaw has dropped just a touch, the way his eyes are glued to Tien and following him out the door. Lomfon is clearly surprised and slightly distressed to see Tien flee the room like that, clearly upset, and he is up and running after him within a few seconds, determination setting in his face. 

Tien is hustling, even as Lomfon is running after, even as Lomfon is calling his name hurried and slightly panicked. It is not until Lomfon calls out “Don’t go” that Tien stops, but not for long. He pauses just long enough to decide whether or not he is going to read Lomfon the riot act, or just walk away and hope that ends the conversation forever. Tien spins on his heel and starts swinging right out of the gate. 

“Why did you do that?” and his weight shifts a lot as he settles into place, and Lomfon matches his energy, also shifting around a lot as he grinds to a halt. 

“That’s the topic ‘A message from the heart’”

Tien is pissed now, like well and truly pissed. Even in the rain, even after Lomfon blew apart his brother’s life, Tien was calm, even-keeled, almost withdrawn when it came to his own pain. He was loud and aggressive, and very clearly livid when it came to what Lomfon did to Tai and Patts, but when Lomfon shouted in his face “I want to know my heart. I want to know who I like, what does that have to do with you?” his disappointment was palpable, but he responds in the softest voice ever.

Here though, it is time for him to be mad on his own behalf:  “Then why was I in your video? What are you going to say?” 

And Lomfon does look upset, and slightly vulnerable in this moment in the way his mouth is open, in the way his eyes are laser focused on Tien, in the way his eyebrows are slightly crooked like he is furrowing his brow: “I already told you, I would show you with my actions” because that is supposed to be obvious. I mean, Lomfon blatantly told Tien this before he ever showed the film. 

But that is the wrong answer. Tien, frustrated, turns back around to storm off because as @neuroticbookworm has already discussed, conversation is what needs to happen, not grand gestures. Grand gestures from Lomfon are what got everyone in to the messes they are in, grand gestures are not what is going to get him out. Tien will not entertain grand gestures in the slightest. 

“I did this because I like you!” Lomfon shouts to Tien’s back, and that’s what gets him to pause. 

And my refusal to learn how to make gifs bites me in the ass because Suar absolutely demolishes a micro-expressive face journey in this scene, there are at least four internal monologues Tien is cycling through as he listens to Lomfon’s speech. There is surprise, suspicion, annoyance, and slowly, slowly he begins to soften, and soften, and soften as Lomfon continues to say the right things. Like, legitimately, seriously I feel like I can tell when Tien’s stomach twists and heart picks up from the way Suar is moving his face. 

Which leads us to the best bit of acting that Copter has done the entire show: 

“I know that I like you. I like you very much. I like you so much that I don’t know what to do. I like you so much that I think if I don’t tell my feelings to you, I will regret it for the rest of my life” and he says the whole thing in tears. His face crumpling, his lip trembling, his eyes red. Tien’s back is turned throughout the monologue but he too is fighting back tears, because he can hear Lomfon’s voice, he can hear it waver and crack, he can hear Lomfon sniffling. And the camera reinforces that by cutting to Tien’s turned back twice during the monologue, his face moving almost imperceptibly as he listens, really listens to what Lomfon has to say. 

And when Lomfon falls silent, Tien turns to face him. 

I think it was @kyr-kun-chan who said “I like that when Tien turns around I can’t tell if he is going to kiss Lomfon or punch him” and honestly same. Like, looking at Tien’s face here, his eyes don’t match his mouth. His mouth is soft, slightly open, willing to forgive Lomfon, but his eyes don’t have their typical shine. There is a seriousness in them we haven’t seen that often. Tien is thinking, he is processing, he is calculating, and then the camera pans out to a wide shot.

Which makes me crazy over the costuming and positionality. Tien and Lomfon stand in completely the opposite places as where they sit in the classroom. Tien stands so that his entire chest is exposed to the audience, but closed off to Lomfon. Lomfon stands so that his whole chest is exposed to Tien, but closed off from the audience because Lomfon is pouring his heart out to Tien, and Tien is keeping his own reactions to Lomfon’s confession to himself. 

Tien’s face crumples and he barrels towards Lomfon, and similar to @kyr-kun-chan, Lomfon does not seem particularly certain whether he is about to have lips or a fist planted on him. 

Eyes transfixed on Tien’s face, eyebrows furrowed as he tries to decipher the look on Tien’s face, eyes still red cause he’s been crying, and then BOOM:

I am sure everyone has seen this kiss scene a million times, either rewatching the scene or reblogging the gifs, so I am not going to talk about the kiss, BUT I WILL TALK ABOUT THE HANDS BECAUSE I AM SO INTRIGUED BY HOW THEY HANDLED THE HANDS IN THIS KISS. 

So obviously, we start with the moment above, where the kiss itself is the center/focal point, but Tien’s hand is completely visible. His fingers comfortable and curled, and digging in to Lomfon’s neck to stabilize him from the force of the kiss. Tien sinks lower, because he is shorter, and his hand helps keep Lomfon pressed against him as he settles. And that is all well and good, and I love the shape Tien’s fingers make here. But then we get to some shots that are truly a marvel to me, they confused the hell out of me in the best possible way, in the way that makes me want to question the cinematographer because the next time the camera focuses on something other than the actual kiss, we get close ups, but these close ups are of a shoulder and a back. The only thing truly interesting to look at in those shots, to me at least, is the hands. But the hands are cut off. We don’t see Lomfon’s fingers at all, we don’t see precisely the way that he is holding Tien in the way that we see how Tien is holding Lomfon.

And it is fascinating to me, that the close ups cut off Tien’s fingers, like we see his thumb stroke Lomfon’s back a little, we see Tien’s hand move up Lomfon’s shoulder and further out of frame. And it intrigues me so much, because when Tai and Patts have their kisses, their hands are constantly visible, you can see it when Tai squeezes Patts’ back, you can see it when Patts scratches Tai’s back, you can see it when Patts is grabbing at whatever piece of skin he can so he can steady Tai on his lap while he kisses down his chest. But here, Tien and Lomfon’s hands are rarely completely visible. In fact, when never see Lomfon’s entire hand during the kiss, one is out of frame for most of it, with his fingers flat and therefore barely visible across Tien’s shoulder blade, the other buried in Tien’s hair so deep you can’t see anything.

And Tien’s hand(s) are only completely visible when the camera pans out on the kiss, rather than when it pushes in on their bodies. 

Which works so well for me, because it is so counter to Tai and Patts. As I said, when Patts and Tai make out, their hands are always visible, the camera pushes out to a wide shot and their bodies are making beautiful shapes. But that isn’t happening here, when the camera does a wide shot, Tien and Lom are standing pretty straight, with some distance between their bodies. They aren’t playing around too much with sensation, and with the reveal at the end of a possible sequel, it makes sense that we wouldn’t see a fully formed picture of what intimacy between Lomfon and Tien looks like. 

What we do get to see, however, is how Tien and Lomfon are personally impacted by this kiss, by this confirmation of their mutual interest in one another:

gif by @piningintrovert

GOD I WILL NEVER GET OVER THE LOOK ON TIEN’S FACE WHEN THEY FINALLY PART. The way his eyebrows furrow, the bliss on his face, that Oh. moment when Tien realizes how good it felt. The way Lomfon smiles and the way Tien beams and how Lomfon, having learned his lesson, tells Tien that he’s happy, tells Tien he will have to get used to him smiling, tells Tien he will see that smile every day. You know communicates. 

In summary, this is a beautifully handled, beautifully performed scene and I want to give mad props to Suar and Copter for how they navigated this moment. 

Tai and Patts

Now let’s talk Title and Pee, or rather Tai and Patts during Tai’s confession, which was another beautiful performance by our two leads. A truly underrated moment that I don’t see getting enough love from the fandom considering I have seen a total of one gifset of it, and because it is the most perfect confession Tai could ever give to Patts. 

After spending multiple days looking all over Chang Mai for his boyfriend, Tai finally spots him giving a little girl her kitten back and calls after him. And the look in Tai’s eyes, the way his mouth is agape, Tai looks like he’s seeing a ghost, like he scarcely believes that what he is seeing is real, that Patts is really here, that Tai has really found him. 

And because they are perfect for each other, Patts looks…exactly the same. Just, much more haggard like he has not slept well the entire time he and Tai have been separated. Patts, respectfully, looks like shit. 

As he should because he is fucking heartbroken. Tai approaches slowly, tentatively, like he doesn’t know what to expect, like he is no longer certain of his place in Patts’ life. And even though Tai is moving slowly, Patts is still not fully processing what is happening. Tai approaches and Patts stays firmly rooted in place, but he is leaning slightly away from Tai, like he still isn’t sure this is real, like he needs to get a better look at Tai to be certain. 

When Patts sees Tai his eyes go wide, he blinks, he swallows like he isn’t sure of his place in Tai’s life anymore. He is paralyzed trying to figure out what Tai is doing here, if he’s about to have his heart healed or broken further. 

Tai, of course, immediately bursts in to tears, as is his god given right. And good golly miss molly, Title is fantastic at getting Tai’s tears off the ground. He looks at Patts, the man he loves, the man he has failed, the man he has hurt, his eyes start to well, his nostrils flare, his lip trembles and he starts his confession. 

“You know what? For these past few days I have been looking for you. I’m so terrified that I can’t see you again. I’m terrified you don’t want to meet me anymore.” 

And, I mean, props to Tai for being honest, but goddamn, Patts is already Straight Up Not Having a Good Time Right Now and telling him you were worried that he wouldn’t ever want to see you again has got to feel like a knife is being twisted to him, knowing how much Patts loves Tai. Seeing how haggard he is from being away from Tai for only a few weeks, how close to tears he is just from seeing Tai’s face. 

“You don’t have to say anything,” Tai continues, which is wonderful, because Patts has always been the person to reach out. The first to use the soul mate link, the only one to talk through it for the first two years, Patts was the one who approached Tai in the coffee shop, Patts initiated and stopped their first intimate moments, Patts is the one who tried to face their problems head on after the fight with Lomfon, and to follow up after their fight over how Patts handled the Lomfon situation. But Patts is in so much shock from seeing Tai here, where he thought he couldn’t be found that he hasn’t said a word anyway. 

“This time, please let me say it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I acted stupid, I was selfish, I was too emotional. I didn’t talk to you well, I let it slide until it’s bad like now.” he says through shaky breath. 

And then Tai looks down, gathering his strength, gathering his words, but bearing the weight of the shame and sadness he feels for how his failure to properly communicate has hurt Patts.

“You know, I had not idea that the sound of rain could be so hurtful and lonely,” and I love that when Tai says “the sound of rain” he looks up at the sky. Like he is looking for rain clouds, like he is expecting rain.

“As for all of the soulmate things I was curious about, I know that through myself, Lomfon, my parents. I know that now. Love is about two people, it doesn’t need destiny to pave. I don’t care whether you are my soulmate or not. The most important thing is our feelings.”

Patts nods slightly, and bites his lip. Now, there are a number of ways I think it is possible to read Patts’ face in the next couple of close ups, but I personally read them very much as Patts steeling himself to be officially broken up with. 

“What’s most important is our feelings” Tai says, Patts braces himself to hear that Tai does not feel love for him anymore. 

“Do you remember? There was a time when you asked me whether saying “I love you” was hard?”

gif by @liyazaki

“No Patts, it’s not hard,” and Patt’s face falls, his lip starts to tremble. “So I kept asking myself how I feel about you. My feelings have not changed at all.” 

And once again, Patts nods slightly, swallows hard, and his face falls even more, he’s closer to tears.

“I love you Patts, I don’t care if it rains or not. I do love you, no matter what happens” and before Tai can say anything else, Patts is rushing to embrace him in a hug. Because he finally knows, for certain, for real, straight out of Tai’s mouth, that Tai loves him. That Tai has always loved him, and that Tai will continue to love him. 

And, going back to my conversation around Lom and Tien’s hands and how they differ from Patts and Tai, we get So Much Hand in the hug between Patts and Tai. And you can see how tightly Tai is squeezing Patts, how deep he is burying his head in Patts’ shoulder. Patts is wrapping Tai up as much as he can, he is touching Tai in as many places as he can. Patts’ hand on Tai’s shoulder, in his hair, across his back

On his elbow when they kiss.

gif by @liyazaki

And their kiss is slow and tentative, both certain and uncertain, like they need to re-establish where they are and where they have been. LIke they need to check in with each other and make sure that this level of intimacy after such a strenuous fight and break up is okay with both of them. 

I don’t have any impassioned speeches to give at the end of all of this, Patts and Tai are together, they are happy, we leave them where they always should be, happy in each other’s arms. Tai had some major growth at the end of La Pluie, getting called out by his brother, introspecting and realizing that Tai was handling the conflict with Patts like his mother has handled conflicts with him. Realizing how lonely the silence is, and understanding that the way he feels about only ever having silence in his head is horrible and that he left Patts to feel that way for years. Understanding now, why Patts could not bear Tai’s silence when he was upset at the way Patts handled Lomfon kissing him. 

La Pluie is one of the best written shows I have seen. The script is so smart, it understands the realities of relationships, highlights the importance of communication, gives proper consequences for ill-advised actions, and subverts the traditional soulmate trope by having the soulmate connection only ever act as a barrier between Patts and Tai getting together. It has truly been and honor and a blessing to clown with all of you about this show, it made me so happy to see more and more people getting in to this show, and more and more people writing about this show. It may have taken me a couple episodes to get in to the story, but looking back on it, I have loved every minute. Thanks for reading and I look forward to (hopefully) doing this all again for season 2. 

(tagging @lurkingshan cause she asked me to)

[hua-fei-hua]

(can’t remember if I’ve already sent in an ask for this but I meant to) aries cancer and leo for the zodiac writing asks!!

asfsdf forgetful adhd strikes again

aries: when have you felt the most confident in your writing? when have you felt the least confident?

hmmm i think peak confidence was like 2018 which i know sounds like a long time ago, but that was the last time i had a major wip that was getting steady attention. i felt really good about my writing then because it was a mulan au, so the basic skeleton of a story was already laid out before me, and i was pulling a lot from chinese culture, which, as a halfie living in a predominantly east asian community, is something i’m very very familiar with, so i could focus a lot more on the beauty of the writing itself. i think i wrote some truly quality stuff for that au, to the point where this has reminded me that oh my god i still have that annotated version of the fic to finish up hahaha.

as for the least confident omg so it’s a really funny story. so basically in my senior year of high school, i almost had this guy i barely knew be my fake boyfriend for a night (for revenge purposes, long story), and he was the head drum major of our school band. after finishing up the aforementioned mulan au, i wanted to work on this school band au, but the plot i had in mind meant i had to ask around for some particular details. long story short, i asked my almost-fake-boyfriend to ask the head drum major of one of our sister schools (who happened to be the girl he liked) to ask her some questions for me, and we got into an argument that ended in him saying, “who would ever want to read something you wrote” and i was destroyed for the rest of 2019. that’s basically why i had a fic/fandom hiatus for all of 2019, but that was a long time ago now.

these days i do my best to feel neutrally about my writing, because if the reception to a particular piece doesn’t go exactly the way i imagined, i’ll start getting insecure again hahaha.

cancer: how do you write emotional scenes? do you ever feel what the characters feel?

mmmm not necessarily! being grey-aro, i haven’t held romantic feelings for anyone since before i started taking my writing hobby seriously, so it can be a little difficult to project the newly-falling-in-love feelings onto characters. i do keep a very regular diary, but to look back on those times is also omg Deeply Cringe(tm) because watching people fall in love embarrasses me.

that being said, i do feel very strongly as i write about emotions like embarrassment, anger, hurt, and joy!!! i like to sit with an emotion when i’m writing it, kind of pick apart where it’s coming from and how i’m feeling it, and then i’ll give it to the characters.

leo: what things will show up in every book you write? do you ever feel like a one-trick pony? 

my favorite themes in writing have been “lying,” “consequences,” and “searching,” with the final one showing up in the majority of fics i plan or publish, and all three showed up in the mulan au i mentioned earlier!! the night sky, stuff like the moon and stars, show up pretty often too, although they’re not always symbols. a lot of the time i’m literally just sitting there like “you know what i LOVE? tHE MOON AND STARS”

as for feeling like a one-trick pony? not at all! i find that there are a lot of ways to explore the same idea, even by the same person especially since those themes are so broad.

hehe ty for the ask!!!!!

zodiac writer’s ask uwu

[makeste]

BnHA 326: What’s up Kids, It’s Me, Your Old Pal Stain

Previously on BnHA: Ochako shamed the U.A. Clown Mob into letting Deku go back inside his own fucking school by giving them an hour-long speech about how not to be humongous dickheads. Kouta and Gigantic Fox Lady saved the manga by being the only ones brave enough to give Deku a hug. Shouto was all “man, all this togetherness sure does remind me of that promise you made that we would handle Touya together which you immediately bailed on, doesn’t it, Dad.” Aizawa was all, “for the one and a half people out there who thought that my losing an eye and a leg might actually make me less sexy, I’m very happy to prove you wrong.” All Might was all, “[standing outside the U.A. fortress alone in the rain talking to someone or something??].” Like seriously, what was up with that though.

Today on BnHA: All Might is all “here I am in Kamino having a belated mid-life crisis because Deku abandoned me and I’m a terrible mentor and everything sucks and I hate myself.” Stain is all, “don’t make me come over there and give you a ten page speech about why you’re still the goat while menacingly holding you at swordpoint the entire time” because idk if you knew this guys, but Stain is pretty crazy actually. Anyway so he does that, and then All Might gets all emotional, and then the lady from chapter 92 shows up and gives All Might’s statue an encouraging pep talk, and then Horikoshi is all “and it even stopped raining lol can you believe this shit I’m not even a little bit subtle,” and he really isn’t. But I still got emotional anyway, because seeing people reassure All Might that everything he’s struggled for his entire life hasn’t been in vain just got to me okay. Horikoshi knows I am weak to the All Might feels and he just goes for the jugular every time, that bastard.

lmao. “in the neverending downpour, All Might is...” yeah, thank you, glad we’re getting right to that then

“All Might is driving 95 mph in his busted ass car in the pouring rain, is what he’s doing.” huh

so basically a day or two after his adopted child refused to accept the handmade bento that he packed with love, my man is out here acting like he’s got nothing to live for anymore. this sure bodes well for certain prophecies on which the clock is still ominously ticking down

his fucking face though omg. is it weird that I’m kind of hoping more people ambush him just because I think it’d be funny to see them get their asses kicked like the last bunch

(ETA: or maybe he will just stand there openly not giving a fuck and basically daring them to stab him!! get it together please All Might.)

side note, “anti-hero supporters” is such a strange way of saying “people who hate heroes”, which I’m assuming is what they actually wanted to say?? this makes it sound like it’s a group that really loves antiheroes. “these Hannibal stans have been a real menace lately. time to go deal with them”

ha ha ha, fucking ouch

are you really gonna do it Horikoshi you bastard. are you really going to let that be the final encounter between the two characters whose relationship you once described as the vertical axis of the entire fucking story. are you really gonna?? huh??

huh

you’re telling me you were driving 112 mph and you still didn’t get there in time. you’re losing your touch old man. lol Todo’s ice is almost fully melted already, how late were you

(ETA: so apparently this is taking place after the end of chapter 325, meaning he went to U.A., hung out for a bit, saw the kids come back with his bedraggled half-dead protégé in tow, watched as they shamed the civilians into some long-overdue character development, and then was all “welp, time to go argue with the hero-hating faction or something because I’m feeling useless.” and Edge just let him go, just like that. though to be fair I have to imagine it’s pretty hard to say no to All Fucking Might.)

also belated lol at the fact that the kids were all “yeahhhhhhh we are definitely not gonna touch that thing, let’s just leave it here, he doesn’t need it anyway.” probably the right call to make since they couldn’t get a hazmat team on such short notice

fuck. ha ha ha fucking ouch part two

All Might please put that thing down before you get gangrene. also yeah, you dropped the ball, good for you to acknowledge it. nobody’s perfect and you did your best. but yeah you could have handled a lot of things completely differently. but I still love you

is Horikoshi really putting this flashback here. are you serious. what kind of fucking sadist

look, I swear I’m not one of those people that runs up and down the street shouting “DEATH FLAG!!” at every third panel lol. but this shit screamed Death Flag when we originally got it, and it’s screaming DEATH FLAG!!! even more now. like with the capital letters and exclamation marks and all. and that’s just a fact. I don’t like it but that’s how it is

ffkdjslk

“DID YOU READ THE SIGN??!” Horikoshi asks while zooming in maniacally because he thinks we’re blind or something. lol what

-- though actually, it only just occurred to me that this sign is actually written in English. I never really paid attention up until now and had been assuming it was written in Japanese and translated by the scanlators, but the writing here is clearly part of the original image. anyway so maybe that’s why he’s zooming in?? just to make sure everybody pays attention lol

okay fuck this

see, this is the whole problem right here. once again All Might is all on his own. Deku’s self-destructive angst spiral was fortunately brought to a grinding halt because he actually has support from his friends and family and teachers and classmates. but All Might never had that same kind of support, and it’s made all the difference between the two of them, and not in a good way. Katsuki wasn’t wrong when he said All Might and Deku were both cut from the same cloth. but now when it’s All Might’s turn to go all “I WALK A LONELY ROAD~~” once again, there’s nobody in sight

just, after forty plus years of him carrying this torch, I just wish someone would finally come along to let him know he doesn’t have to. all those things that he wanted to say to Deku are also things that he needs and deserves to hear himself. Aizawa was making a little progress there, but now he’s got his sad zombie cloud boyfriend situation to deal with, and we can’t expect him and his perfect hair to solve all our problems. someone else has gotta step up

oh my god

“you rang?” never mind I take it all back sob

omg why am I laughing. shit

this man truly has the best PR game in the series. we were truly convinced he was gonna suddenly become a good guy and defend All Might against the other villains or some nonsense. as if this wasn’t the same man who decided on a whim that Iida Tensei deserved to be paralyzed, and that his fifteen-year-old brother deserved to die for daring to be upset about it

lol even All Might is all “I genuinely never saw this coming” lmao

just want to say, for the record, I have always harbored a very sensible hatred toward Stain. feeling very vindicated right now. good job Past Me

adsfklwkfsdwgkj

ffffwefjslkg. ghsdlkg. dsfkkkslkjldwkjrg

STAIN: heard you talking shit old man

ME: smh that’s what I thought you’d say you dumb fucking Stain

STAIN: how dare you talk about All Might that way

ME: gljfljgk

(ETA: in hindsight I have no idea how I didn’t clue in sooner that he didn’t recognize him -- or, well, ~didn’t recognize~ him, to be more accurate lol. I think it was the whole “is that a slight against the heroes?” thing that threw me. Viz’s translation makes it much clearer that he’s offended on behalf of All Might specifically, not heroes in general. anyways.)

sob. so All Might is all “yeah I don’t blame you for not recognizing me in this sweet leather jacket”

good thing he still knows how to do this party trick

A+ reflexes on Stain’s part presumably pulling the sword back a few inches to keep this dumbass from impaling himself with his whole pufferfish routine. can you imagine if that was the gruesome death Nighteye foresaw. and he was just too embarrassed to say anything

lol anyways guess I was wrong about Stain everyone

way to fucking go, Past Me. you really biffed this one

oh wait

Stain sure is one wacky rollercoaster ride

oh fuck me lol I forgot how much I did not miss this

(ETA: “this here is the sacred ground where All Might gave up the last of his power and turned into a shriveled old man!! please ignore the part where I admit to knowing all about that, and yet pretend not to recognize said man when he’s standing two feet in front of me.”)

Past Me, I know we’ve had our ups and downs these past ninety seconds, but I’m really starting to think you were on to something. this dude has always been kind of insufferable. always acting like his high horse is a fucking giraffe when it’s actually a Shetland pony

dammit now he’s got All Might going off on a depressed monologue

oh my god my heart

shit

why the fuck does that hit so hard. he became a hero because he couldn’t bear to just sit back and let bad things happen to people who didn’t deserve it. I mean that’s basically the same as every hero ever, right? so why does it still hit so fucking hard every single time though. what is it about seeing someone so determined to stand up for other people and fight on their behalf. it just never loses its impact no matter how many times I see that determination mirrored in so many of my favorite characters

“I wanted to make the world a better place.” omg. but you did, though. like seriously, I feel like people are always dogging on him for not being 100% perfect, and fandom really doesn’t give him enough credit for everything he still managed to accomplish. this man came of age at a time when Japan was by all accounts a total shitshow, and singlehandedly managed to bring about an era of peace that lasted for four fucking decades. can you imagine having peace for that long?? that’s longer than I’ve been alive. shit

and he gave people hope. he inspired them and protected them and made them feel safe. and no, he couldn’t save everyone, because he’s only one fucking dude (and also because the whole time AFO was also out there desperately working to undermine him so that he could keep preaching his narrative of “heroes are bad actually”). but you know what he did do, is inspire multiple new generations of heroes who, if they can all manage to work together, will finally be able to accomplish everything he never could

so yeah. forty years of peace, and inspired the “that’s how we all became the greatest heroes” generation -- that’s a fucking win in my book. talk about having a net positive impact on the world. lol anyways now I’m all fired up and ready to fight anyone who tries to talk any shit about you, All Might

“but what if I talk shit about myself” okay listen up All Might I’m gonna need you to try just a little bit harder to work with me here okay. please calm down and stop blaming yourself for every single bad thing that’s ever happened in the world. do you remember that time Bakugou was blaming himself for Kamino, and you gave him a hug and told him it wasn’t his fault, and that he was only a boy, and that even though he was strong, even strong people can struggle with the burdens they place on themselves, and that you were sorry for not seeing that earlier? do you remember all of that? that’s what I want someone to tell you too, dammit. anyway please stop breaking my heart please and thanks

wtf

are you dead All Might

um

I don’t even have the slightest idea what’s happening lol

oh snap did he grab him so they could hide??

hold the fucking phone. don’t tell me this person in the background with the umbrella is here to actually do something decent??

oh my godddd

and here come the feels. oh boy. okay don’t mind me, I’m just gonna sit here sobbing over this fictional lady and her simple act of kindness in this weekly shounen manga that I care about way too much

FUCKING DAMMIT AND HERE’S A SECOND HELPING

DON’T MIND ME, I’M JUST GETTING DISPROPORTIONATELY EMOTIONAL OVER THIS WOMAN’S DETERMINATION TO HONOR A MAN WHO SACRIFICED EVERYTHING TO SAVE HER AND COUNTLESS OTHERS. I’M JUST HAVING SOME FEELS OVER HERE ABOUT HER HEARTFELT, DOESN’T-EVEN-KNOW-ANYONE-ELSE-IS-WATCHING FEELINGS OF GRATITUDE THAT COMPELLED HER TO COME OUT HERE AND MAKE THIS SMALL BUT POWERFUL GESTURE. I’M JUST OUT HERE GETTING ALL PROFOUNDLY WORKED UP ABOUT STATUE MAINTENANCE AND THE HUMAN RACE. NEVER MIND. JUST IGNORE ME AND CARRY ON

holy shit. I was not even remotely prepared. you can’t just do that to me. you can’t just leave all these death flags on my lawn and then suddenly shift gears to show me the best of humanity in a chapter where I was expecting the worst. that fucks a person up lol

OH ARE WE STILL GOING

my heart. you see that, All Might. your legacy is so much more powerful and meaningful than you think

...has. has Stain actually been giving All Might a pep talk this entire time

I give up lol. this dude is a fucking enigma

YAYYY

it may just be a metaphor panel, but I’ll take it lol. I missed them. nice to see the traffic light trio front and off-center. I know the whole “this is the story of how we all became the greatest heroes” thing had left some questioning whether certain characters would continue to play a central role in the narrative, and hopefully this will help to ease those concerns just a bit

anyway, so idk if it’s getting a bit chilly down there in hell, but damned if Stain didn’t just give an actual decent fucking speech

I have to say, earlier when I was whining about All Might not having a support squad, I really was not expecting Stain to be the one to come over and pat his head and reassure him that he made the world a better place

-- okay LISTEN

YOU CAN’T JUST COME INTO MY HOUSE AND HIT ME WITH THOSE ALL MIGHT TEARS AGAIN GODDAMMIT THIS ISN’T FAIR. my god. first 317 and now this

holy fucking shit

“I’m just gonna pretend like I haven’t been stalking him for two days and didn’t see the entire Deku bentogate thing go down, and then I’ll give him the whole big speech that I rehearsed, and then I’ll turn around and be all ‘BUT IF YOU’RE A TRUE HERO’, and then I’ll toss him the super-secret AFO wifi password that I stole from Tartarus. god I’m such a badass. fucking give myself chills”

so basically what you’re telling me is that this whole time my “what’s up kids” characterization of Stain from this shitpost has actually been 100% accurate. just want to make sure I’m understanding this right. okay then

“and then I’ll dramatically spin around and be all NOW COME KILL ME BITCH”

it must be so much fun to write Stain. drawing this coked-out maniac who talks like a chatbot that was trained to speak by reading Alan Moore monologues. that must be a trip

anyway so All Might is still crying, the awesome lady from chapter 92 is admiring her handiwork totally oblivious to the batshit insanity going on fifty meters to her right, and it’s finally stopped raining lol

“THE RAIN WAS A METAPHOR YOU SEE” yes, yes, we got it lol. thanks for that Horikoshi. don’t think we needed any help putting the pieces together on that one but I appreciate the effort

so that’s the end! and as I mentioned in another post, I had the count off by one chapter, but next week should be cliffhanger week! so break out your U.A. Traitor bingo cards, friends and fiends. either that or something else happens that I’m completely not expecting at all. which, based on my success rate with Stain predictions, I’d say is more than likely lol

mmm but anyway, so now that the Hug Deku 2021 campaign has finally come to an end, what’s it gonna take to get a hug for my struggling bento-preparing jacket-rocking world-weary death-flag-waving husband who is the worthiest man to ever live and deserves the fucking world, goddammit

[yikeswtfmate]

A Queen’s Love

Summary: Y/N has been Queen for five years when she is suddenly faced with the prospect of having to marry soon. Yet she can’t forget the love of her life, which she had to leave for the stability of the Crown and her Family.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Queen!Reader (Royal AU)

Warnings: some swearing, mentions of death, idk does someone jokingly suggesting poisoning counts?

A/N: yeah so…this is my first Bucky Barnes fic and I haven’t written a new fic in probably four or five years now? To be fair, it doesn’t even feel like a Bucky fic though, I just wanted to get my juices flowing again and since I’ve read a shitton of Bucky fics lately, he was the one I was imagining while writing this so ya know…enjoy?

ALSO heavily inspired by The Crown obviously, so it might be a little overdramatic in certain parts as I was listening to the OST and got carried away

masterlist

The silence is split open by the grandfather clock that seems to be mocking Y/N with its ticking. She idly wonders if the situation would be the same were her father in her seat, as he should have been. Alas, these are questions which will never find their answer, and she found in the long years that have already passed since that fateful day, that it is better not to dwell on the possibilities.

She turns her gaze towards her brother, sat on her right, noticing the slight curl at the nape of his neck. She remembers how their mother used to smooth it whenever he would pass her, short respites from running around long and hollow corridors. The eyes of their ancestors following their every move, but Y/N has always lived with a tremulous sense of being judged, being watched, being controlled, as opposed to Arthur, who could experience at least a slight sense of normalcy. However normal being a royal prince and second in line to the throne could feel.

Her head snaps back to the rest of the table when her Grandmother lets out a call for attention, her signature clearing of throat which would sound suspiciously like a wet cat’s whimper for the untrained ears. Arthur winces visibly and shifts uncomfortably in his seat, waiting for the usual reprimand, yet it is Y/N who is shocked into obedient silence as she is reminded why exactly her Grandmother is still the Queen Mother.

“Y/N, dear, I do believe it is time to have a serious conversation regarding your future.”

“Whatever for exactly, Grandmamma?”

“Well, your marriage, of course!“

There is a distinct pause in every person’s movements in the room, and it seems as if the clock itself stopped ticking. Her Uncle flinches, seemingly caught unprepared, while her Aunt casts her eyes to her now completely captivating soup. Even the household staff stop in their tracks and Y/N is suddenly grateful for her lessons in diplomacy during her upbringing. She buys herself some time, wiping the corners of her mouth and finally takes a deep breath.

“Might I remind you, Grandmamma, that I am not yet married?”

“Why, of course, dear. I am not completely senile!” Her Grandmother’s disdain could also do with a scoff and a shake of her hand, if it weren’t for her strict etiquette. “What I meant to say is that I do think it is time for you to find a good man to help you rule. You can’t be by yourself forever, and by all means, especially not run the country. We all know you are not getting younger, and I highly doubt you will find a man as easily later, although you are the Queen.”

“She is only 25, Grandmother. She won’t dry up as a prune tomorrow, don’t worry.” Arthur almost hisses. He reminds Y/N so much of their mother in these types of interactions, even though she was much too kind to bare her utter displeasure as openly as him. Y/N places a hand on her brother’s forearm in warning, not in the mood to shift this to a familiar war. She knows she needs to deal with this situation with delicacy.

“Uncle, what do you think?”

Her lips twitch in a slight smile as she watches him do the same trick with the napkin to his mouth. He clears his throat, making her tense. This is not a good sign. He’s buying too much time.

“As much as I agree with the point your brother is trying to make, I can also understand your Grandmother’s…concerns.”

It is then that Y/N realises this has been a discussion held in her absence for some time now. What a fool I’ve been for not having seen this coming, she thinks. Her Uncle looks at her morosely, so she can still have some hope in him, but it does not sway her annoyance in the slightest.

“Do you believe I cannot rule the country without a man by my side?”

“Y/N.” Freddie tries again. “I do not mean to say you are unable to rule. You are one of the most intelligent and brave women I know, and you are more than capable to do it by yourself for the rest of your life. But you are also the Queen and it is customary for the Queen to have a king by her side.”

“That’s horseshit.” Archie snaps.

“Would you let me finish?” Freddie retorts and waits a second in mock permission until Arthur grumbles in agreement. “However… the duties of the Crown are heavy and I do believe that having someone next to you to lessen its burdens would only benefit you. If only for the small personal relief it would bring you, I know how much it would mean.”

Y/N turns towards her Grandmother, who smiles graciously, although the twitch in her eyebrow is evident. She did not get the complete and total agreement she hoped for, but they are all aware that without Y/N’s beloved Frederick, her words would only be fleeting in the Queen’s mind, as they have been for the last year.

"Very well. I shall think about it and we can discuss this later.”

*

“Your Majesty?”

Y/N looks up from her diary at Anthony who seems visibly distraught in front of her desk. She narrows her eyes, expecting to be irritated yet again in the span of two days.

“Her Highness the Queen Mother, has requested to attend the events for the week in your place.” Anthony finally lets out, after she hums her assent. “And she also asked to inform you that she would want you to take a…holiday in the meantime.”

“I beg your pardon?” Y/N doesn’t know what to do with this information, but she definitely knows that she’s now more than irritated.

“She would like you to go…somewhere warm and sunny, I believe she said, ma'am.”

“What?!” To hell with etiquette.

“I think she wants you to get nice and toasty for a fellow who’s waiting for you on the beach, dear sister.” Arthur’s snickers can be heard from the heap laying on the couch. Y/N flings the pen she was holding at him, which only makes him squeal.

Turning back to Anthony, who is now more than mortified with discomfort, she pushes her glasses up her nose. “And where exactly would the Queen Mother have me go?”

“Spain, ma'am.” There’s a pause. “I believe the youngest Prince of Spain became recently available.”

Anthony is chased out of the office with swears that are more fit for a sailor than for a Queen and incessant howls of laughter that reverberate through the walls.

*

“I cannot believe she is making me do this. What is the bloody point of being Queen if I can’t even go on holiday wherever I bloody well please?” Y/N’s grumbles come out more as hisses through the phone.

“You’re too nice to her, that’s your fucking problem, Y/NN. If you would just tell her to fuck off, I bet she wouldn’t dare…no, wait. Scratch that. She would make your head in. You’re right. Until the bloody crone gets in the ground, you’ll have to either deal with her and give her at least something, or you know…have you poisoned in your sleep.”

“Arthur!”

“But then again, she wouldn’t kill you because then she would have to deal with me as king, and then the whole country would go to shit or, you know…worse, it would become, God forbid, a republic.” Arthur shudders in mock horror, which earns him a snort from his sister. “Anyway, how’s the prince then? Is he a tall dark and mysterious asshole?”

“Felipe is perfectly acceptable.” Y/N sighs.

“But not for a husband.”

“But not for a husband.” She agrees. Although he would very much enjoy the Spanish beaches this late in August, he couldn’t bear going through Y/N’s ordeal at the moment. He can’t stand the idea of his sister being paraded around like a prized pony, just for the sake of “stability for the country” or whatever that bloody hag keeps mumbling about.

“I have to go now, Archie. Felipe is throwing a party so I can meet some of his friends and ‘feel like a normal young adult for once.’ You know, if I’m being completely honest, I’m not sure if he himself wants to go through this whole nightmare. You two would have made great friends if you were to meet.”

“Why don’t you have your fun with him as well and be done with this? What’s that expression they use? Hit it and quit it, sis. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. Might as well take something out of this charade.”

“Bye, Archie.”

*

Y/N idly wonders if the slit in her dress is too high. She is also thinking that her boobs are kind of starting to hurt from being pushed so high up, not used to such tight dresses. But when she remembers Felipe’s conspiratorial wink when he said she should try to be herself tonight as ‘it will only be friends who are young, open-minded, and close-lipped,’ she smooths the glittering fabric and shakes her shoulders to release some tension.

Felipe offers her a flute of champagne as he retakes his place next to her, and lays his hand on her bare back. A shiver runs through her spine, her body suddenly awake to the male attention she’s getting after such a long time. The moment the champagne passes her lips, she realises how much she missed these kinds of parties, where no one expects more from her than to have fun with people her own age. The Spanish Prince smiles at her over his own glass, while his thumb continues to make small circles in her flesh.

“Right, I should stop being so greedy and show you around, shouldn’t I?”

They make their way through the vast room, filled with crowds who seem happy to meet her, and yet lack that admiration that borders on fixation that is so common in her people. Y/N feels relieved, as if she can show at least a tiny morsel of herself, even though just for the night. And in a moment of clarity, when she is already on her third or maybe fourth glass of champagne, she is shocked into the realisation that she fully understands her Uncle’s reasons for wanting her to marry. In that second she knows she will never be able to completely and absolutely let go in front of anyone and still be loved and accepted, except for her husband.

Suddenly, Felipe’s attentions seem insignificant and the room is too warm, too stifling for her liking. She makes her excuses to her host, and finds her way to the garden that is illuminated by fairy lights. Enchanting. Y/N unceremoniously drops on a chair, sighing heavily. She looks up and smiles at all the stars in the sky, trying to tune out the chatter behind her.

“Is that the approved way in which a Queen should sit down?”

Y/N closes her eyes, suddenly wishing to be as far away and as close to him as possible at the same time. “I should have known you’ll find me even here, Bucky.”

She watches him taking a seat in the chair next to her, and can’t help but notice the way his hair is now loosely tied into a knot at the back of his head, not falling into his eyes anymore. He takes a sip of his whiskey and hands her his glass, as it’s his turn to observe her.

“Your hair is longer.” He comments, taking a strand of her hair and twirling it around his finger until it falls gently back on her shoulder.

“So is yours.” They look at each other for a second, each waiting for the other to say something, but then turn towards the night sky. It has always been easy for Y/N to have him next to her, silently in agreement with her every move. “I’ve missed you at my birthday party.”

“You mean that monstrosity of a ball your Grandmother threw for you at the palace? You know she wouldn’t have invited me, even if I begged.” He snorts. “Archie told me you were pissed off the entire night.” He raises his eyebrow at her in inquiry and she debates whether telling him the truth would be a good idea. Shifting uncomfortably in the iron chair, she motions for his glass to take another sip. He hands it to her, waiting patiently for the answer that he is almost certain he won’t get. Y/N’s tendency to only share what is strictly necessary has only gotten worse ever since she was ten and could understand that her destiny would be ruthless and unforgiving of every mistaken step.

“When I was getting ready, Anthony told me you wouldn’t be there.” She murmurs as she stares straight ahead. Maybe it’s the alcohol in her system, or maybe it’s just late and it’s easier to spill out secrets in the dark. Whatever the reason, she feels as if there’s a crack in all the walls she has carefully built around herself for the last five years since she has ascended to the throne. Freddie was right, she thinks, having someone next to me is the only way to survive this nightmare.

After her parents’ death, her sense of duty was the only force that could drive her forward. It was her sense of duty to the Crown, to the Country, to the People, to her Family that has allowed her not to crumble into the void that she would’ve wanted to fall prey to. It was her sense of duty that helped the country overcome the tragedy her parents’ death brought about. It was her sense of duty that transformed her into an icon for her people at only 20 years old. It was also her sense of duty however that forced her to leave the love of her life behind, without second thought when she was asked to. In the name of the Crown and in the name of the Family.

But now she wonders if James’ transgressions were indeed so atrocious so as to attract the Queen Mother’s rage and her subsequent disapproval. As she looks into his blue eyes, she wonders whether she could fix this mistake that changed her life in more ways than the Crown ever did. Y/N’s heart is still his, even after all these years, and she feels deep within her bones that it forever will be, however many suitors will be lined up for her.

“I want you to come back to Court.” She whispers, full of hope, but feeling as if she’s just thrown herself into the abyss.

Bucky just watches her for a few moments, and it seems as time stretches itself into eternity. There’s a hold of breath that escapes from her parted lips as he finds her hand and holds it up to kiss the inside of her wrist. His smile is sad, the smile of a man who knows that only death awaits him.

“We both know that is impossible, Your Majesty.” Y/N bristles at the formal title; he is aware how much she hates it when he addresses her in that manner. Aware that when he does it, he only sees her as the Queen, and not as his once beloved Y/NN. She snaps her hand back, only to grab his with a ferociousness that shocks them both.

“James. Please.”

The reverberations of that simple word bounces between them with more force than a cannon going off next to them. He remembers the time she admitted in a fit of rage that she will never beg anything of him. Words that stung more than swords or bullets, words that cut through his entire body with proclamations of titles and reminders of hierarchy. He closes his eyes, trying to chase those memories away and her pleas with them. He is afraid. Afraid that if he lets himself get dragged again back in that circus of a family he’ll either regret it or get out of it feet first. Afraid that her begging would never sway her grandmother, and only a full battle would, a battle that he is afraid she would never hold for him, not when the Family’s contentment is at stake. But most of all, he is afraid that she is just drunk and lonely and desperate and he is just and easy option for her at the moment.

He brushes her cheek with his free hand, and his heart breaks yet again when a tear falls down. He lets go of her and stands up, utterly intent on finally trying to start a new life without her, a resolution that he feels is long overdue after all these years. Y/N stands up as well and whimpers. He doesn’t have to turn to face her to know she’s watching him, he can hear the tears in her voice as she speaks.

“Bucky, I’m begging. I’m begging you. Please. Please, I was wrong and stupid and young and thought Grandmamma knew better. I thought we would both just get over it and I thought the Crown would take precedence over everything and it wouldn’t matter. It wasn’t supposed to matter that I wasn’t happy, that my heart was broken in a million pieces because I let you go, on top of my parents being dead. I was supposed to get over it. But I can’t. I can’t and I kept loving you this whole time and I’ve loved you ever since I bloody met you 20 years ago. I love you, James, and I can’t do this without you. Please, Bucky.”

“I had a dream once that I got everything I wanted.” He says after a few moments when only her sobs would cut the laughter from inside the house. “It felt more like a nightmare when I woke up though.” He turns, a tentative step towards her. “I dreamt that you were there next to me and you said 'as long as I’m here, no one can hurt you.’ But then I woke up and realise you were the only one who could hurt me and you did, Y/NN. You goddamn did for fuck’s sake.” She whimpers again, but doesn’t have the strength to look at him. He raises her head with a finger under her chin, that beautiful face completely wrecked by tears and regret.

“I’ll come back to Court.” Her smile is unsure, not believing what her ears are telling her, Y/N is unable to form a coherent response before James continues. “But we’ll start this again. We will have a proper courtship, and your precious Grandmamma better go fuck herself or I swear to Christ, I will leave the second you start listening to her again even if it means wearing a pair of earrings she suggested.”

Y/N smiles and laughs and nods, as tears keep streaming down her face. She is not sure whether from happiness or the sheer relief of what his words mean. Then he kisses her, and it feels as if all the missing pieces are falling back into place, as if she’s finally home after years lost at sea, as if colour drains back into her life and all the questions and doubts are answered and resolved.

*

“Y/N!” It’s not hard to hear the shriek through the mahogany doors, which Y/N takes as her cue to slowly close her pen and interlace her fingers in front of her on the desk. Arthur stands up from his usual place on the couch, suddenly interested in the drama that will ensue. There’s a grin on his face and he lets out what sounds faintly as “oh yeah, here we go, the hag is finally gonna get it.” Y/N shushes him with a smile, just before the doors burst open and their raging Grandmother comes stomping in the office.

“May I help you, Grandmamma?” Y/N asks coolly.

“What is this nonsense about the Barnes boy being at Court again? I thought I had him thrown out! I thought I made myself clear five years ago when I told you never to see that American boy again! Have you lost your senses, girl? Have you forgotten that you are forbidden to even speak his name?”

Y/N stands up from her chair, slowly and deliberately making her way around the desk in order to tower above the diminutive Queen Mother.

“Your Highness, if I may speak. First of all, I am not a girl, but the Queen of the kingdom, and you should address me as Your Majesty. Or Y/N, and this only for the love I bear my father and would not want to disrespect his mother. Second of all, James is currently courting me in the hopes of asking for my hand in marriage in the hopefully not so distant future, which I fully intend to accept. Third, you are speaking about your future King, therefore if I were you I would be more careful with the words you choose to employ. Lastly, you cannot forbid me anything. You wanted me to get married, and I will. In time. And by my own accord, and with a person of my choosing, which so happens to be the 'American’ in question. Now, I would very much appreciate it if you would stop meddling in my personal affairs for the time being and for the foreseeable future. That is all.”

Her Grandmother’s expression is priceless in her stupor. Unable to form coherent words, she leaves the room spluttering grumbles and mumbles, that the local drunk would be proud of. Y/N knows however that this is only the beginning of a life-long struggle that will seep in every corner of their lives. Archie looks at her with a gleeful expression on his face, enraptured by the exchange. She could bet good money he will tell this story to her children from the day they will be born until his dying breath. He fiddles with his phone for a second, having probably filmed the whole thing “for posterity,” but she doesn’t have time to bask in her glory as Freddie appears in the doorway.

“I came to warn you your Grandmother caught wind of James being back, but from Arthur’s foolish smile, I shall presume you must have already met with her.”

“She didn’t only meet her, Uncle! She completely obliterated her!” As both of them start dissecting the discussion, with points exemplified by Archie with his video proof, Y/N’s phone signals a message just received.

Atta girl. I’m proud of you.

She smiles at the screen, a blush creeping up her cheeks. Unbelievable that at her age and station, a man can still get that reaction out of her. Her fingers start typing a reply, before another one makes its way into her inbox.

Who says I’m going to marry you though, Y/NN? A bit bold of you, don’t you think?

Don’t start with me, Barnes.

Wouldn’t dream of it, babe. I can’t wait to be called the Queen’s husband.

You better, punk.

[a-very-fond-farewell]

The forbidden crack! Untamed prompts: 18/?

University AU: “Negative Space”

[ok so, self projection is a bitch, but I am petty to myself on a regular basis so it’s ok]

[title is from the Japanese concept “ma”, which Wikipedia describes as:

“a Japanese word which can be roughly translated as ‘gap’, ‘space’, ‘pause’ or ‘the space between two structural parts.’ In traditional Japanese arts and culture, ma is more carefully defined as the suggestion of an interval. It is best described as a consciousness of a sense of place, with the ‘intervals’ suggested often being more than simple gaps, instead focusing on the intention of a negative space in an art piece.

Ma is not necessarily an art concept created by compositional elements, such as the literal existence of a negative space. Instead, the intention is often to create the perception of an interval in the viewer experiencing the elements forming an art piece, making maless reliant on the existence of a gap, and more closely related to the perceived experience of a gap.

Ma has also been described as ‘an emptiness full of possibilities, like a promise yet to be fulfilled’, and as ‘the silence between the notes which make the music’.”

Fun fact: “ma” also means “but” in Italian, which is what usually follows whatever intrusive thought may plague my mind. Eg: “I may be useless now, BUT just you wait until I get some dopamine to get me through this shitty times.”]

*

Wei Ying never asked for much in his life. He’s content with cleaning classrooms and toilets and nobody can beat him at wiping the marble floors if he works hard enough. Granny Wen, his supervisor, is slightly impressed with his ability to make the wood shine for ages to come. His nephew Jin Ling sometimes comes to check on him when he’s done with senior classes or cram school in the evening, and together they sit down and listen to whatever his older friends in music production came up with during the day. Jiang Cheng occasionally would ask him to keep him company while he grades papers and they bitch about ZiXuan and his inability to dote on their sister. The cafeteria ladies are always nice to him and they give him extra congee because they worry for his questionable consumption of spice products.

He’s fine, really.

So why can’t he stop wandering over to the science building these days? Looking for a clean board to use, for an equation to finally solve? Even if in the end he just takes the chalk in hand and simply stares down at the inky surface in front of him, unable to write. His mind working on a software too advanced for the hardware that constitutes his brain.

Thirteen years. It has been already thirteen years and yet it feels like yesterday, or like it never happened at all. Like it has yet to be. Time blindness is a bitch to deal with, yet dyscalculia and ADHD makes a joke out of you when you love math on a visceral level... but you burned too bright too fast and now you function on no data and with an even shittier signal. Having a burnout at 23 should have taught him humility instead of pride, but Wei Ying has always worked out of spite and certain habits are difficult to forget.

Couldn’t put the number in the right order, switching digits left and right since he was young? Fine. Numbers were concepts anyway, entire civilizations working their magic without even knowing what “zero” stood for. A brain steaming with a million ideas per second? Good. New connections brimming with ideas he could use to better the world.

It worked fine until he let himself down. Until he became a useless empty lighter, a wet match tossed out, carbon monoxide in the air.

Dropped out before finishing his very ambitious, highly dangerous for his psyche, thesis project. Aunt Yu never forgave him for that, not after paying for his advanced classes, not after trusting Uncle Jiang and supporting him despite his many flaws. What good is being first of your class every year, poster child of a teaching system done right, graduating bachelor at 21, if you can’t finish your master at 23 and get your PhD at 25 and start teaching by 27 and drive yourself insane in the process?

Wei Ying dropped out and didn’t finish his master, didn’t enroll in the teaching program, and let everyone down. His Uncle and Aunt looking down on him, whether out of pity or shame. Jiang Cheng may have been the one leaving him behind, but he used to be the one saying “you should have tried harder”. YanLi worrying over him when she should have focused on her career first. Jin Ling growing up with stories of his uncle “not being worth the money put into his education”, taught to not disappoint and make his family proud. The Jin side, that is.

And now the kid comes crawling in defeat to him instead of Jiang Cheng after bombing a test in high school. And they chat of what he would like to do and how much he likes sports and how much he despises the idea of getting a scholarship for that and being called stupid or something by his classmates. And he cries when he thinks Wei Ying cannot see him as he leaves the campus late at night.

Wei Ying didn’t even want to solve that impossible theorem he fixated on in his early twenties. His thesis project was inconsequential in the great scheme of things and his professor only wanted him to be his one trick pony in the end. No. Wei Ying wanted to teach math in elementary school, hell... even in kindergarten. He wanted to change the approach to the subject. Because numbers cannot be taught like language is and there are many ways to teach how to sum up digits and divide quantities and there are no rules on how to make sense of space either.

But how can he teach when even time eludes his senses?

Something that nobody can define, but certainly most perceive as linear... but not him. Not since his brain fried up in his attempt to function like a normal human being.

After thirteen years nothing has changed.

Until one day he hears something else aside from his usual intrusive thoughts and burdensome memories. A melody so quiet he almost mistakes it for the wind, coming from the music building.

He walks slowly, night surrounding him like the embrace of a friend as he makes his way to the traditional musical instruments room. The one where Jin Ling’s friends meet sometimes as they wait for the younger boy to join them. Wei Ying holds his breath as he spies through the gap of the door left ajar, neon light slicing his face like moonbeams as he peeks in and recognizes Jin Ling’s friends and another figure sitting on the ground, guqin on their knees.

But before he can lean in and breathe in the vibrant sounds all around, the door opens and music theory Professor Lan finds Wei Ying clutching his mop for dear life.

They said the man could see colors within the notes, that he despises language outside of his class or office and that only his brother, the history of art TA, could convince him to talk every now and then.

If numbers were created to measure space, Wei Ying firmly believed music had been invented to make sense of time and count its seconds in rhythm and notes, pauses and beats. Yet, time seems to stretch to a stop as the janitor focuses all of his attention on professor Lan’s stern face and his heart quickens its pace.

Wei Ying takes a rushed breath and dives right in with a weird sense of hope pumping in his veins. A small, timid voice whispering that life is not made to be atoned, but to move on and grow.

One step at a time.

“I’m Wei Ying, Professor Lan. May I listen while you play?”

Yes, maybe it will be enough just to let time flow at its pace.

Whatever rhythm that may be.

*

[some hcs down below]

WWX does not magically solve the math theorem. he may or may not help kids figure out how to use numbers on the long run tho. no, he will still work as a janitor and there’s nothing wrong with that.

yes, LWJ is autistic and stimms and finds WWX’s honesty soothing. yes, you can add your hcs on the matter. he has synesthesia, but more on the grapheme-color side of the deal than anything else and he sees certain letters/numbers/notes in different colors. people think he can see colors in music, but they misunderstood and thought he could recognize different hues while listening to music instead of reading it.

JC has grown since his uni years and doesn’t resent WWX anymore. he teaches astrophysics as a TA and doesn’t pressure his brother to pick his studies up anymore. WWX has mixed feelings about this: he feels he’s a lost cause, to the point not even his brother spurs him to best himself anymore, but he is grateful for the patience anyway.

LXC is the official LWJ translator of the campus along with their cousins SiZhui and JinGyi. he bonds with WWX and JC over how tired they are, seldom staring at flies roaming above them in the cafeteria bc none of them can even move. he lives on caffeine and regrets, but he’s getting better as he develops a love for his plant babies and tries to not let them die on a daily basis.

Wen Ning and Wen Qing are little overachievers and adrenaline junkies, hence their competitive streak on their way to their third master degree just for funsies. they scare people with how driven they are, but the juniors love them.

NMJ is the one to go to if you need to get away with murder, but JGY will actually be the one helping you dispose of the body. the fact that they both work in criminal law is somewhat both reassuring and disquieting. they hate each other and yet cannot stop hang out, they are close to 40 and need the rivalry to keep going anyway. nothing beats a good nemesis. not even sex. maybe.

NHS has failed his entrance exam to become a nurse too many times to count, but he is determined to see the end of it. even if he could potentially work in the family business, but he doesn’t know anything about managing an empire of bricks and he doesn’t care. if NMJ could run away, well, so can he.

MianMian is Wei Ying’s bestie and has the biggest crush on JGY’s sister A-Su the kindergarten teacher, but since they are childhood besties she doesn’t know how to approach her. she is Jin Ling’s idol and a certified boxer and refers to herself as a useless bisexual. Wei Ying boxes with her sometimes, she always win.

YanLi is an equestrian mum, but in the best way possible: she coaches children for shows and teaches them horses should be loved and feared equally and that if you want to shoot arrows from a running horse you should always, ALWAYS let go of the stirrups the moment the beast gets too unhinged to ride. JC fears her, WWX is only glad she didn’t train police dogs for a living.

ZiXuan actually loves his wife, but WWX and JC question his career choices and the fact that he’s a retired lawyer spending his family fortune while he’s a stay-at-home dad and does all the housework. WWX and JC believe he should give their sister a better life and work his ass off to deserve her, but he does make amazing rice cakes and keeps up with Jin Ling’s studies and is very supportive of his dreams.

A-Qing and Song Lan are siblings and sometimes bring JC food from the campus cafeteria where they both work at, while Xiao XingChen and his carer Xue Yang work with LXC for a project on accessibility for visually impaired visitors of the local museum. JC and LXC work to make Song Lan and Xiao XingChen fall for each other, but the youngsters are too protective to let them play matchmaker so easily.

[this is all for now. please, if you want, add your own headcanons!]

[journeynaut]

This decade I went from being 14 to 24. From my understanding this means this decade has pretty much shaped my tastes, beliefs, and personality more than any other decade will. It’s also an important decade because at the beginning of the decade I felt like a real person, and now I feel like a ghost that occasionally almost inhabits the same space as this flesh prison.

Anyway, here’s a list of games that shaped me in reverse chronological order for maximum pretension. Spoilers and typos will be abundant. 

Red Dead Redemption 2 (2018)

I like little, mostly irrelevant prepping activities in games. Currently, I’m playing Death Stranding, and my Norman Reedus always puts on a cap. Mostly to cover up his weird little pony, but also just as a thing to do to focus before a mission. Like, listening to Friends in the Armed Forces by Thursday before the helicopter lands. Like, grabbing your wallet in the morning. Or, like in Arthur Morgan’s case, putting on a bandana before being a nasty crime boy.

Okay, maybe that’s not entirely true. I always play characters as good and pure as possible. But after I got done doing my good boy crimes I could always return to camp. Sure, camp was always moving as we ran, but the people were there every time. The world of RDR2 is beautiful, I think the characters were my favorite thing about this game. The entire plot was that camp, the outcasts in it, and the dreams they followed. They fused a cowboy simulator with a cult simulator. It says, don’t worry, friend - just keep going and Eden is the next job.

This is a game where you give, break, and are broken in pursuit of a lie. This is a game where your perfect life never arrives and the simple pleasures you find are taken. In the end, you only do whatever little bit of good you can, thank your horse for carrying your weight and the weight of everything you carry, and lay down to go peacefully.

Night in the Woods (2017)

This last decade took my memory from me. When I was a freshman in college taking an intro psych class, the class took a short term memory test. I got second in the whole class. Now I’m sitting here trying to remember who said what in this game. But regardless, one character says something like, “Getting older is your list of first times growing shorter while your list of never agains grows longer.” Heavily paraphrased, probably.

I think there’s a Bojack Horseman episode where he says, life is a series of closing doors, isn’t it? In our modern capitalist hell, very few don’t get trapped. This game understands that sometimes you can’t get out, and sometimes you just need to break some fluorescent bulbs at a dumpster. Or in my case, procrastinate on my life by playing this game while everything fell apart around me.

World of Warcraft: Legion (2016)

Tanking in WoW was my most fulfilling gaming experience of the decade. I wasn’t great, but I could be good occasionally. There are a few moments of genuine pride I can remember. Which, now that I think back, might be some of the last times I felt pride.

I had never played WoW or even an MMO before Legion, but everyone has to get into an MMO when they’re in college, right? So I got into it for about a year, and I played it way too much. So much so, I lost myself after I stopped, both personally and in games. It was hard for me to stick to any game for a long time after I stopped playing, and it honestly still is.

It wasn’t the tanking or the pride or the addictive design elements that kept me coming back - it was the people. This became a Return To game for me. Whether I was playing seriously or just goofing off, I would return to the trans mog shop in Stormwind. There were a few players who would gather consistently and talk between queues. I barely knew anything about these people but I spent hours there with them. There was my healer and best friend who I played with every day. There was the carpet layer from Hawaii. There was the player we always assumed was a young girl but turned out to be some rich man? And behind the anonymity of my characters I was able to comfortably interact with the regulars and the passerbys and mess with the assholes. I learned that pretending to be an actor playing someone else is the best way to talk to people.

Even though I barely knew these people they became friends in the modern way people become friends where you see them every day, but are also shocked to find out any detail of their personal lives. I often wonder what happened to all the people I played with. I never said bye to them or anything. I wasn’t planning on never playing again. One day it just happened.

I’ve often thought about playing again. When WoW Classic came out I thought about playing it. I’ve even thought about getting into FF14. But you can never go home, right? Some things that were good can’t be good again.

Inside (2016)

God, this is extremely my shit. I don’t have anything touching or personal to say about this. Every moment of this game is so tight and perfect, and the aesthetic is spot on. Run on, my child, go be one with your blob friends.

Or maybe I just like it because I too am a disgusting blob monster haunted by a dreary dilapidated landscape.

Firewatch (2016)

The plot of this game is messy overall, but I think about the character interactions all the time. This is a perfect example on how good dialogue isn’t realistic. It should be what we want reality to be. Henry and Delilah have such a believable relationship, strictly because I wanted to believe in it. I wanted to believe two people could always be so perfect and so witty.

And Firewatch just won’t let you believe in it. At the end you can beg and beg for Delilah to stay, and she won’t. The game gently pats you on the head, and says, sometimes people are too broken to be perfect with each other.

Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain (2015)

The PC version lets you set custom music to play as you drop in from the helicopter for your missions. This led to me hearing the beginning to Thursday’s Friends in the Armed Forces god knows how many times. Sure, maybe a 2009 emo song blaring out of a helicopter in 1980’s Afghanistan doesn’t exactly fit, but the mood fit. And it helped set the mood for the routine of going on missions.

Routine is what this game does so well. It’s an incomplete game with a not great story, and it fails at being a good Metal Gear Solid game. But the routine and mechanics blend together to create one of the best playing action games ever made. I never got tired of walking around my base, of boarding my helicopter to go drop into the desert, of launching random animals into the air with reverse parachutes.

This game also led to me formulating my Return To/Go Out theory of games, which I believe most games fall into. An old Mario game is a great example of a Go Out game. You never return anywhere; the princess is always in another castle. The Animal Crossing games maybe exist as the perfect example of a Return To game because you never even go out anywhere. You’re always there, where you mean to be. MGSV falls mostly on the Return To side of the spectrum, as it focuses on building up and managing your base and the people on it, something I’ll always be a sucker for.

Her Story (2015)

This is one of the last games that made me feel smart. As a person who feels chronically dumb as shit, that’s pretty rare. Sure, everyone in my life, and the university I went to, and all my grades say I’m not dumb. But we know that’s just because I tricked them all, and I’m actually a complete fool. But diving into this game’s wild and twisting non-linear story made me feel like a detective.

The Witcher 3 (2015)

Move out of the way Skyrim. The Witcher 3 was actually the best fantasy game of the decade. I played through all of The Witcher 2 in preparation for 3. I became so invested and involved with this universe. I feel like I should have so much more to say about this. In what was a very turbulent year of my life, this was the perfect escape. The world, writing, and characters are all so beautifully done. The DLC provides an emotional finale for the story. I never understood Gwent? But I did everything else in this game, and I still think about escaping into it again.

Also Triss for life.

Also also god, that show sucks shit though, doesn’t it?

Life is Strange (2015)

I love everything about Life is Strange. I love the melodrama, the stilted dialogue, the songs that still make me cry. I love the weird high school that resembles no high school ever. I’m not too much of a fan about what it says about me as a person though.

See, I let the entire town die to save Chloe. The crazy part is that I didn’t even think Max and Chloe were good together. When the game gave me a chance to kiss Chloe, I didn’t take it. I thought they had been apart too long, that they had too much personal baggage, that they were going through too much. But when the moment came I couldn’t let her go. I let the entire town get blown away to save her.

Transistor (2014)

Hey, do you want a cyberpunk, post-rock fueled, murder revenge love story?

Transistor had such an impact on me that Red and the Transistor are still my phone’s wallpaper and lockscreen. It’s the game I always mean to get around to playing again, but year after year I don’t. Maybe one day I will, or maybe that’s just what I tell myself about most things in life.

Regardless, this game acts as a perfect spiritual sequel to the studio’s first game, Bastion. In Bastion, everyone wanted to live in the perfect world that had been, but was now destroyed. In Transistor, the world exists - it’s there and could theoretically become whatever people want, and yet, no one wants to live in it. You’re not even trying to save the world; you want escape as much as anyone else. You just need revenge for the small part of your personal world that has been taken.

Also, at the end you get to basically fight yourself, and I’m such a sucker for when games have you fight someone with the same powers as you.

Gone Home (2013)

I had never been in love when I played this game. I thought I had, but being a teenager is dumb and weird. Of all the first times I wish I could experience again in games, this is up there on that list. Maybe even the top. Mainly because I understand love now, and I think it would make this game hurt more.

Both times I played Gone Home I sobbed, and I’m certain if I played it again, I would sob again. This was the first game to impact me in that way. As I’ve grown more and more dead inside, as I feel less and less, I seek those experiences out. Why yes, I would like to play whatever the sad new indie game is. Why yes, I would like to listen to that song that makes me emotional over and over. That scene in a show made me cry? Yes, I will absolutely watch it again.

Gone Home, like Spec Ops, taught me so much about what games could be and do. In a decade of walking simulators, Gone Home still stands out as one of the best.

Animal Crossing: New Leaf (2013)

Animal Crossing is the best goddamn game series of all time, and this is the best one because you can stack fruit.

Hotline Miami (2012)

I have never done cocaine in the 80’s, but that’s pretty much this game, right? This murder simulator game does something to your body on like, a visceral level. Imagine it’s like your 20th attempt on a level. Your hands are shaking with adrenaline, but you have a careful plan. It immediately goes bad so you just panic and start running around knifing fools and it somehow works out anyway. That’s the thing that makes this work so well, and also the thing the devs absolutely did not understand when they made Hotline Miami 2.

You know what else makes this game great? The vibes. Miss me with your vibe checks if you’re not putting off Hotline Miami vibes. It’s the trippy and psychedelic story, it’s the way you have to walk through the bodies of everyone you just murked at the end of the level, it’s the game constantly asking if you feel good about what you’re doing. Hotline Miami and Spec Ops made me reevaluate how I thought about violence in games. Which isn’t to say I don’t play violent games, just that I think more about what the games are asking me to do.

Borderlands 2 (2012)

My experience with Borderlands was different than how most people played it. I didn’t really uh, have friends, so I played it alone. But it wasn’t an inferior experience. I got to play my haiku spouting sniper at my own pace. All the guns were mine. I could laugh at the dumb jokes as long as I wanted.

Hey wait, actually, is this game still funny? If I thought it was extremely funny originally, would it still hold up? Like, Mr. Satan being Mr. Torgue still has to be funny, right?

Anyway, most of the DLC for this game is pretty mediocre or just straight up bad, but the Tiny Tina DLC is some of the best DLC of the decade. Those madmen just made D&D in a goofy ass game where guns yell at you when you shoot them, and somehow made it an emotionally resonant end to the story.

Spec Ops: The Line (2012)

We all really missed what this game was trying to tell us, huh? It constantly asks you if you’re okay with the dehumanization of minorities and the glorification of imperialism and the military that runs rampant through games. Here we are going into 2020, and goobers are still trying to argue games don’t have politics in them. Anyway, gamers are dumb as shit, and we should have listened to Spec Ops more.

Portal 2 (2011)

This came out at the beginning of this decade, huh? Guess I gotta break out the walker and sign up for AARP. Anyway, being funny is hard. I mean, I’ve never managed to be funny so I assume it’s hard. I mean, sometimes my life is funny in a cosmically ironic way, like I’m god’s personal clown and not in on the joke.

Anyway, anyway, the puzzles are fantastic, and Portal 2 is funny as hell in a way I’m pretty sure would still hold up. The humor is definitely more overt than the original Portal, but Cave Johnson is a god tier character. I can’t remember what I did yesterday, and I still remember Cave Johnson lines from like, 8 years ago.

Minecraft (2011)

*twirls mustache* Not to sound like a hipster, but I started playing Minecraft in 2010 before release. My first world seed was the most perfect seed I ever encountered. It was a large island, the size of which, I never encountered again. Like, it was big enough that it felt like I had to branch out to explore, but also small enough that I could know it all. Playing on that island was the most pure experience I had with Minecraft, in retrospect. I didn’t know what I was doing, and I didn’t realize that actually everyone else was way better at building things and playing the game than I was.

But eventually you get bored of everything, right? So I found a server and joined the forums. Over time I grew a bit bored of the game, and eventually realized I wasn’t very good at it. But I stuck around on the forums. Like, for years. Playing on that server, even as my time actually playing lessened, and being on the forums defined my teenage years.

I had a complicated relationship with the forums and the game, though. I’m not good with people. That’s just something I’ve had to learn to accept. But I’ve actually gotten better over the years. Back during my teenage years I was awful with people. I was antisocial, standoffish, pretentious, etc. I also felt like I couldn’t get anyone to like me, which I now realize was my own fault. There was a group of players I wanted to be a part of, but also could never really break into. The game and forums became what I was experiencing and also everything I couldn’t experience. It’s what I did every day but also what I was missing out on. Even today my thoughts on Minecraft are complicated. That one song, you know the one, always makes me emotional.

I originally had a different end planned to whatever this list is. It was gonna be a pretentious ending about how a few years ago I tried to go back and play Minecraft but just couldn’t because you can never go home again. I was gonna talk about my first world seed and the optimism and exploration I experienced, and it was obviously gonna mimic my decade. Because, you know, pretentiousness. But I can’t do that now.

See, I just looked up that server, and I found out it’s still active. The website looks like when I left. The same people are in charge. It’s like a time capsule. Due to a lot of personal turmoil, I asked for a server ban and a forum ban to stop myself getting back on in January 2015. That was when my time with Minecraft came to an end. But here’s the crazy thing: a couple of weeks ago, almost 5 years after I quit, someone posted on my forum profile that they missed me. And we weren’t even close friends, I thought. I mean, no one liked me, right? And it wasn’t just this one person. Multiple people had left similar messages on my profile over the years.

Normally I don’t like when people have memories and perceptions of me. Like, hell is other people, right? But this kind of hurt my insides deep down, like nothing has in a while. I don’t quite have words for it because it’s so personally tied to how I felt about Minecraft, and thus the forums, and thus a lot of this decade. Does this mean that multiple people I’ve encountered over the decade miss me? That some amount of people greater than zero miss me not being around?

Anyway, this has gotten off track, but also maybe it hasn’t. The point I was trying to make was to make a pretentious list about how silly little things we do in our free time can affect us years later in ways we won’t realize and sometimes can’t understand.

In conclusion, games track better with the most personal moments of my decade better than almost anything. Games are great. The people who play them are often terrible. Video games forever.

[tenyatrash]

Foundations: EraserEdge

EraserEdge (Aizawa “Eraserhead” + Kamihara “Edgeshot) has been one of my favorite "what if" pairings since the Hideout Raid arc. 

They're age appropriate for one another, they have similar values and a focus on not letting their emotions rule their actions, and they've got a beautiful aesthetic together. The more I thought about them, the better I thought they'd be as a couple. Since no one else has had the same idea (at least, in the tags I checked) I figured I should just be the change I want to see in the world and fill the tag myself.

Foundations is the baseline headcanon I have for their relationship with one another. I've already got all seven chapters outlined and I'm hoping that once I get this one fully fleshed-out, I'll have a good jumping off point for a more in-depth set of stories about my two ropey boys. Maybe someday other people will even join in and write about them.

Read it here or on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18536584/chapters/43934878

Chp 1: Advice

There’s incense in the air, and all at once he’s fifteen again, choking on ambition and bitterness as he claws his way into the famed Hero Course, body and mind thrumming with potential and pain. He’s made it, he’s done enough to get through.

It’s nothing like what he hoped.

He’s not sure if it’s the cynicism of age or if he felt this way, even then, but in his memories, his classmates are the biggest disappointment of all...immature children playing pretend. There’s potential, and friendship, and good times, he knows. But underneath it all is a persistent anxiousness that roils in his gut and warns him that he’s not doing enough.

That they’re not prepared.

The feeling follows him. It colors everything he sees, and keeps him awake at night, fitfully turning in bed or pummeling into himself at the gym. As he gets closer to his classmates, the feelings only intensify, the dread only grows. His emotions are consuming him in a silent paralysis that he can’t seem to escape.

Until he meets Kamihara-senpai.

Shinya’s older than him by two years, just about ready to take on the world as a bonafide Pro, and he’s everything Shouta hoped for when he first came to UA. He’s talented, he’s calm, and he’s never unprepared.

They meet in the gym one night, by chance, and it changes his life.

Shouta is wrapping his hands to stave off bleeding blisters, aching muscles protesting against another, unnecessary round of capture practice. It would work better with a partner or two, but he makes do with practice dummies and punching bags. Sensei already warned him against this kind of over-indulgence and it seemed his friends agree, so he’s left to train alone.

He’s not technically breaking the rules. He’s just...engaging in supplemental training, as befits a transfer from General Studies.

---

Shinya’s been at the traditional archery range, finding his center and striking his targets true long after the other students had called it a night. Shouta will later learn all about these little rituals, these pieces of history that Shinya clings to like a man out of time. But for now, they’re strangers. Two young men haunted by a drive that their classmates can’t seem to match, by a hunger that pursues them late into the night.

They’re the same, not that they know it, yet. Where Shouta is hungry-eyed and frenetic, Shinya is calm and deadly sure. Yet they’re both storms made flesh, two boys that know they have to strive or die-- one the swirling energy of a hurricane’s outer edge, the other the deceptive calm in the eye of a typhoon.

In the gym that night, they make landfall on one another’s shores.

---

Shouta’s hands flex against too-tight binding wraps, willing calluses to form. Shinya catches his eye from the shadows, looking like a ghost from another time. Shouta waits for the interloper to say something, but he doesn’t. Just watches like he’s making some kinda choice.

Shouta keeps going.

Naturally, that’s when Shinya starts to speak.

“Hand-to-hand isn’t your strong suit, huh?”

Shouta bristles at the comment.

“What?”

Shinya steps out of the shadows, letting his gym bag fall to the floor as he advances into the training circle.

“You’re unsuccessful because you’re too big.”

Shouta rolls his eyes. Clearly whoever this guy is, he’s here to take the piss, not help.

“What, exactly, about me is too big?”

He lazily waves a hand down his body, which is just short of average, both in height and weight. Given his family history, he doubts he’s ever going to be “too big” for anything.

Shinya waves off the erroneous inference.

“Not your body. Your movements. You still act like fighting is hard work. It’s only hard because you’re making it hard, over-exerting yourself with telegraphed moves and too-wide punches.”

“My fighting got me into the hero course.”

“Yeah, I saw. It was beautiful. But it’s enough to get you in, not to get you out and graduated and, you know...good.”

“Then show me.”

Shouta’s got plenty of bad qualities, he’s sure. But an over-abundance of pride has never been one of them. If the older kid has something worth learning, Shouta’s happy to listen. Shinya steps up to the bag and cocks his head, as if to make sure the underclassman is paying attention.

Shouta’s waiting for him to start already, and suddenly, he is. There’s no wind-up, hardly any sound.

One second, the grey-haired kid is staring at him, the next the bag is moving, jabs and punches and uppercuts building beating a rhythm across the surface while grey eyes stay impassive, breathing stays controlled.

The boy starts moving, feet seeming to glide across the sticky mat as he orbits the bag, adding in crosses and roundhouses with the same unbroken fluidity of those more basic punching patterns. It’s almost like he’s dancing, but the hits are landing strong. Shouta watches it all. He doesn’t understand where the power is coming from, how so much force is being created with so little movement, but he’s ready to learn.

There’s nothing quite like seeing a master at work, and before the end of the first minute, Shouta knows he wants to know everything this ghost is willing to teach him.

Eventually, the bag stills.

“Teach me.”

“Suit yourself. I’m Shinya Kamihara, by the way.”

“Shouta Aizawa...Yes, you’ll teach me? Just like that?”

“Just like that. After all, it’s the duty of older students to help younger ones, right?”

Shouta’s not so sure, based on what he’s seen so far. Sure, there are helpful people here, but there are just as many that jealously guard secrets and techniques, already planning how to climb over their classmates. How to become top heroes, as if selfishness should really be part of that at all.

Still, it’s nice that Kamihara-senpai seems willing to share. Shouta wants to be able to move like that. He wants to learn.

It’s elegant and efficient. Almost surgical in its fluidity, which is what he’s always wanted. He’s got no interest in being a blunt instrument, smashing walls and lighting up apartment blocks as cameras flash and blood pours. It sounds exhausting. He wants to be in and out and done before the first hunk of concrete falls, before the first reporter comes sniffing.

“Then, please teach me.”

Shouta climbs into a nearby sparring ring and listens to a soft chuckle as the older boy follows along, evidently not planning on the lessons starting so soon, but being a good sport about it anyway.

“Alright, then. Put your hands behind your back and grab your elbows.”

Shinya demonstrates the slightly-odd positioning and Shouta follows.

“Good. Stay that way. There’s no point in doing anything else until you master footwork and balance. I can tie your forearms if you need it, but it’s better if you can control yourself.”

Shouta is determined to control himself. Shinya shows him a run of three fighting patterns and Shouta wants to be offended at the simplicity. These are three-steps that he recognizes. Even General Studies kids get this. But when Shinya goes through them, it’s like he’s walking on water, and Shouta starts to realize that knowledge isn’t the same as mastery.

He keeps his mouth shut and wills his weight out of his heels and into the toes and balls of his feet. Practices over and over until he feels like he and Shinya are dancing in some strange ritual, until he can hear a non-existent beat in his mind and see the ripples of sound that slowly fade from his steps until he’s just a whisper covered by the rustling fabric of his gym clothes.

Shinya watches with a smile, mimicking every step in time as he watches the other learn to float.

Kid’s not half-bad.

Shinya calls an end to the lesson before Shouta’s ready to leave. It’ll become a feature of their relationship, Aizawa always looking to rush ahead, Kamihara always urging him to find a more sustainable pace.

They meet most nights, and even when they aren’t together, Aizawa is practicing forms and patterns in his room, on the stairs, in the streets on his way home late at night after everyone has already gone home. Up hills and through supermarket aisles, the shaggy-haired boy steps lightly to a beat that only he hears. He lets the fluidity enter his every movement, wills himself to float above the ground, only ever planting his feet when it’s time to land a hit. He separates his body and his mind from the weight of the world.

The other students notice. Shouta stops falling in practice, stops being easy to sweep when you catch him unawares. Teachers start to notice. Acrobatics start to weave themselves into his escape tactics. His capture weapon morphs from a lasso to a cloud of ribbon that only he can track and pull. No good hero can be a one trick pony, and Eraser’s not relying on his quirk and sheer will so much anymore. He’s smarter and smoother and harder to hit. He loses less. He gets hurt less. He starts to climb the ranks.

Shinya watches and smiles.

[mlpdestinyverse]

“Early Days”

Art dumps like this will be used to flesh out story bits and characters…!! This one in particular sums some previously explained stuff up, but with visuals. ;0

Feat.  Monochrome,  Venture Gale, Eventide Twister

1. Rainbow honestly didn’t mean any harm when she said this. In reality, she was just frustrated that she had no easy way of bonding with her baby foal compared to Daring, who has an immensely easier time (after all, she's who Monochrome takes a lot after). She thought Dare was lucky that Momo could relate to her easily and be the one they could look up to. But young Monochrome had the misfortune of overhearing Rainbow’s groan, and misinterpreted the comment as Rainbow wishing Mo could be more like her. Thus began the belief that they’re not exactly what Rainbow had hoped for. But hey, maybe some racing-bonding could help them prove they could be. 2. ‘Boring’. A word that Monochrome associates with themselves to this day, all beginning with a single encounter. At the time, it didn’t help that Monochrome was already struggling with the idea that their mother Rainbow didn’t find them very interesting enough to stick around over running off on an adventure. Luckily they had Eventide Twister at the time, who’d stare you down disapprovingly if you even tried to be mean to her sweet little Momo (even if Monochrome is older than her). Another reason Monochrome adored the little filly and considered her a dear friend.

((Note: You might be questioning the font for Eventide. There’s a reason behind it, which’ll be obvious once I reach her story stuff) 3. After Skychaser mysteriously disappeared from the racing tracks he and Monochrome attended, Momo TRIED to stick around in hopes that their friend would return. But after a while, the little foal gave up. They couldn’t even focus without Skychaser and went back to winning participation stickers despite all of the progress they had made over the years. They never liked racing anyway, and Skychaser’s absence made the races even more stressful, so there was no longer any reason for them to keep participating. Rainbow was a little disappointed, since it was the one way they were able to bond. Monochrome noticed, but enhanced that disappointment in their mind. Because surely they had failed to be the champion Rainbow had believed they could be one day. 4. As mentioned in “Admirer”: A few years after Skychaser’s disappearance, Eventide suddenly switched schools and stopped appearing at the usual place after school. Any time Monochrome saw her, Eve would be sticking close to her mom Sunset Shimmer, avoiding everypony. Monochrome didn’t know what had exactly happened, but they were worried and really wanted to do something to reach out to her. They settled on writing letters, since Eve didn’t look like she was in a state to talk to anypony. And who else to get advice from than their writer of a mom, Daring Do? So Mo wrote the letters. And sent them. And waited. Weeks. Months. Almost a year later, they settled that Eve was just...not going to write back, or talk to them again. A hurtful realization, but reality nonetheless. 5. Later in their teenage years, Monochrome’s younger brother Venture Gale proved to be the perfect adventuring buddy for Rainbow Dash. He had the brains, and the courage, and the will for it. Rainbow was more than happy to take him under her wing and have her little Ven officially join her on her missions to Southern Equestria. At home the two would chatter on about the sights they had seen, the criminals they had beaten, and all of the awesome flying tricks they did and could improve on. Rainbow happily joked around with her son and showered Ven with so much attention and genuine excitement. And Monochrome silently couldn’t stand it. Rainbow had felt so absent in their life. How come those two could bond so easily while Rainbow apparently struggled so much just to spend time and bond with them? Why was it so hard for her? Why did they have to always feel like they had fallen short of what Rainbow had hoped they’d be? Thus, a seed of jealousy and bitterness took root. One Chrome prefers to keep hidden and buried, leading them to become avoidant of their mother (and as a result, their brother). 6. After constantly being left behind by the ponies most important to them, Monochrome’s bad luck with maintaining close, long-lasting relationships gradually wore away at them over the years. Eventually they ended up creating a harder, much less emotional shell, to better contain that sensitive heart of theirs. Monochrome doesn’t go out of their way to be some sort of loner, though. They are perfectly content with small talk and ponies starting conversation. But they have become detached and lowered their expectations when it comes to ponies interacting with them or entering their life. After all, they’re not the most...interesting pony to hang around. At least, that’s what’s deep-seeded within them. But it’s okay. Being by oneself is solitude. ...to a point, of course.

[knightofbalance-13]

https://queenypie.tumblr.com/post/178692574503/how-not-to-write-blake

And it’s a bad idea to talk about racism without understanding racism.

It’s tough to talk about Blake without talking about the white fang. In fact, it’s virtually impossible because they’re her entire character, much like how an overwhelming portion of Weiss revolves around her family.

A. That;s not a bad thing.

And B. ‘overwhleming’. I would barely consider it ‘defining’ instead of overwhelming.

When Blake has a conflict, it stems from faunus racism. In volume 1, Blake runs from the team because of her past with the white fang. In volume 2, Blake goes crazy because of the white fang, and her big question from Oobleck is about how she’ll resolve racial oppression. In volume 3, the one-dimensional black panther stand-ins come to separate Blake from her group. In volume 4, Blake’s family time is interrupted to deal with the hand-rubbingly, mustache twirlingly evil white fang brothers. And In volume 5, Blake’s whole plot revolves around stopping Adam.

Except you know..

Her cowardice and her self destructive maytr complex. Both of which has nothing to do with the Fanaus.

Gee almost like you’re just boiling Bake down so it’s easier to make her look bad.

Also-Volume 2, Volume 4 and Volume 5′s plotlines are more to do with general issues than the White Fang directly...In fact, Volume 3 had Blake barely care about the WF and instead had her care about ADAM specifically.

So you’re already failing.

P.S. The WF can’t be BP stand-in, Malcom X had a point. They’re BLM stand-ins.

Remember how with Weiss I was weary about her becoming a one-trick pony? I think this sums up why.

Guess I’ll have to cover that post.

Also you lied about most of those. So no, it doesn’t sum up anything unless the summary is “I’m a liar.”

It’s safe to say that even if you wanted to argue Blake had some identify outside of being the token-minority, that was quickly swallowed up. On the rare instance Blake gets to be a real character, that moment is quashed by something stupid.

How about her issues with her cowardice, her recklessness and her martyr complex all fow hich stand-out, have been addressed separate from the Fanaus and are central focuses of her character?

Oh wait, I’m sorry. That would require doing anything to RWBY aside from attempted murder. Sorry, I forgot you people have no standards.

When Blake runs from her team, she meets another faunus and spends the majority of her time talking about her white fang past or trying to find the white fang (never mind the whole splitting from your team).

Maybe it's because she ran from them not only because one of their members is a racist but the White Fang terrorist organization.

It’s no coincidence that Volume 2 has her best arc, as said arc involves a negative trait of the character that isn’t directly tied to the white fang plot (if you squint anyways) and is resolved through interacting with her teammate, fulfilling the idea that rwby is in fact a team of people who care about one-another.

Funny how when this exact same thing happens in Volume 4, you’ll mock it. Almost like you aren't willing to

In volume 4, Blake has time to reconnect with her family, have a genuinely heart-felt relationship…and then Sun comes in to push wacky hi-jinks!

Said ‘hi-jinks’ were him trying to warn her of a possible killer and wa resolved with him, which is what Sun was trying to accomplish in the first place-

Sorry sorry. i’m acknowledging RWBY without demonizing it. Sorry for not being an irrational jackass.

Blake rarely ever gets to be a character that isn’t just a token.

No you just refuse anything that isn’t about her being a Fanaus.

While it’s not unreasonable to have a character angst over what makes them a minority (racism, sexuality, gender, etc.) you need to remember that that character is still a person, a person who has other issues, be they familial, platonic, or rom-no, we’ll save that for another time.

Funny how you leave out ‘personal’. You know, the category Blake’s issues fall under. Once again, rather convienent you ignore anything that contradicts your view.

Needless to say, the racism on display isn’t done well either. Until volume 5, the most “subtle” form of racism came from a team of bullies who tormented one faunus. Once. Bullies are not a good way of showing racism or homophobia or sexism, because they’re not people who genuinely believe in this topic to make a statement, but to lord power over someone.

Yeah see, the thing is-

Not only did one of those bullies STILL show that they believed what they did (Cardin referring to fanaus as animals in the VERY NEXT EPISODE) but actual racists usually DO use it as power because they have control issues. The Alt-RIght does that all the damn time.

If you wanted real, oppressive racism, you need to have characters the audience likes display it. Have Ruby or Yang make an uncomfortable joke about Rabbit Faunus, or Deer Faunus, or any Faunus. Have Jaune say something stupid, as he is normally want to do. 

Self destruction in 3...2..1-

When you have the designated hate sink be a racist, they’re just fulfilling their role. When you have a likeable character display this negative trait, it puts the problematic nature of these issues into perspective. If Blake’s friends had said made Velvet feel uncomfortable, there could have been a real dialogue over what is right and wrong to say to a faunus; instead, the team just feels bad that a bully picks on the poor bunny girl.

A. That is preachy as fuck. Seriously, that is not how you handle a subject ‘subtlty’ The only way to be more blunt would be to break the fourth wall.

B. That in and of itself IS racist because the fanaus are PEOPLE, INDIVIDUALS. Not a hivemind.

And C.-

Weiss.

You just described what they did with Weiss, except in that instance they showed how someone CAN become a racist through bad experiences and assumptions. But you magically forget about Weiss despite mentioning her before...

Because she would break your entire point here.

And that’s the thing isn’t?

You only accept what supports you instead of EVERYTHING in the show.

Also- Most racists in Tv shows are hate sinks. And they address racism well anyway. So you’re still wrong.

[racingtoaredlight]

THE DEGENERATE’S GUIDE TO COLLEGE FOOTBALL TV WATCH ‘EM UPS 2021: WEEK THREE: THE END OF THE BEGINNING OF THE END

We’re still really in the early middle of the year. Sure, Oregon looked powerful against Ohio State but it’s possible Ohio State just hasn’t found it’s footing yet and the Ducks just peaked. Shit happens like that every year, more or less. You can pretty much count on Bama to win 10 and not much else. That only applies to football. The continued stratification of social classes, the accelerating collapse of natural systems that support human life, the complete lack of representation the average American in our freedom loving democracy- you can count on those things. Football is different, though: wilder but more ordered while somehow being better and stupider than real life all at the same time. It’ll be fun to all more or less die together, I think. So let’s get to the games!

I forget the business reason for having more major OOC games that actually stay on the schedule but we’re reaping the rewards for now. You know the rules: eastern times, average vegas odds at the time of writing, prediction abilities are bad on a good day, there’s supposed to be a weekly RTARLsman post but I haven’t done a real one in about 21 months, formatting errors up to and including listing the teams incorrectly aren’t worth pointing out because nobody’s coming to fix them anyway. I don’t expect professionalism out of you so don’t ask it out of me.

Saturday, September 18

Matchup                      Time (ET)        TV/Mobile

NIU at 25 Michigan     12:00pm            BTN

It’s easy to say Michigan is due for a self-inflicted dick kick the trick is to predict ahead of time when exactly the embarrassing, season-unraveling loss will come. I don’t think it’s today but I also don’t have a lot of faith in Michigan to cover a 27-point spread.

UAlbany at Syracuse     12:00pm        ACCN

I find it hard to believe Albany’s football program is in such disrepair that they don’t even warrant a line against Syracuse. I think we’ve had five 1AA-over 1A upsets so far this season. I couldn’t possibly watch this game but I’ll keep an eye out for it on the ticker. Syracuse is bad enough to lose anywhere to anybody.

  Tennessee Tech at Tennessee   12:00pm    ESPN+/SECN+

I should probably find a site that lists the good games at the top of each time slot instead of this free for all.

Western Michigan at Pitt     12:00pm    RSN/ESPN3

Pitt has actually looked pretty good so far but they don’t have an AP ranking yet. I can’t say much for this matchup so I just assume the Panthers cover the -14.5 and get a little number next to their name next week.

15 Virginia Tech at West Virginia     12:00pm    FS1

This is actually of some interest to me. Virginia Tech is ranked 15 on account of beating UNC but it’s not hard to imagine that neither the Hokies nor the Heels are actually worthy of a ranking. WFV is favored at home but still might trigger some couch burning and “upset” talk with a win. The Mountaineers are this week’s new collection from Homefield Apparel so expect some magic!

Boston College at Temple        12:00pm     ESPNU

Old Big East rivalry game. Nobody can look away.

Chattanooga at Kentucky         12:00pm     ESPN+/SECN+

I thought Chattanooga had moved up to 1A but there’s no line listed for this game so I guess not.

8 Cincinnati at Indiana           12:00pm            ESPN

Indiana was good last year and maybe that was just a once-in-a-generation fluke but I’ve still got visions of the Hoosiers toppling Cincy and ruining their theoretically possible playoff run. I’m assuming the Bearcats won’t play anybody else better than IU this year but that’s just a guess backed by historical precedent which isn’t a thing you should really use to gamble on college football.

16 Coastal Carolina at Buffalo    12:00pm      ESPN2

Chanticleers vs. Bulls, the eternal struggle writ in football. I don’t think the CSUNY school is particularly good this year but Coastal being favorited by 14 points in an early kickoff road games still feels like a trap to this sharp.

Michigan State at 24 Miami (FL)     12:00pm    ABC

Surprisingly to me, this is the fifth all-time meeting of these two schools. Just as surprising to me, Miami has never before lost to Michigan State. Weird but makes sense if you think about it, this will be the fourth out of five matchups played in Miami. As near as I can tell, Sparty tried to use the Canes the same way Notre Dame used to as an in-season bowl game but bailed on the idea when they kept losing. To be fair, Sparty’s record in bowl games isn’t that much better than their 0-4 against Miami. The last time these two met was 1989 when Percy Snow was on his way to the Butkus Award and Miami was on their way to a third National Championship. The Hurricanes team was pretty well-stacked but is probably the least remembered of their title teams. It did feature future Hall of Famer Cortez Kennedy and a freshman OL that would go on to be September 2021′s hottest head coach in cfb, Mario Cristobal. This year’s Miami roster might look good in 30 years but right now they’re a little messy. D’Eriq King is only 8 months removed from ACL surgery (if you watch the game you will hear about this several hundred time) and has so far looked bad on his throws and a touch slower than he has in the past. Which makes sense given the timeframe but does not generally bode well for Miami’s prospects for this season.

Nebraska at 3 Oklahoma         12:00pm         FOX

If Oklahoma is a real title contender they are gonna lay Nebraska the fuck out. I’m scared of the 22.5-point line just because I don’t think the Sooners defense could stop Bishop Sycamore but it’s not crazy to think Nebraska can saw their own dicks off to the tune of a four-score loss.

New Mexico at 7 Texas A&M     12:00pm       SECN

Fuck. Jimbo must be stopped. I hate this Aggies team. UNM isn’t the team to do it but somebody along the way has to throttle aTm or this season is going to become a plague the likes of which we haven’t seen since... well, now, I guess.

UConn at Army                 12:00pm         CBSSN

Reading this matchup aloud five times in a mirror will kill college football.

Southeast Missouri at Missouri      12:00pm       ESPN+/SECN+

The southeastern part of the state will travel to within the bounds of the state for a classic football game somewhere within the borders of the state.

Minnesota at Colorado            1:00pm         P12N

I’m not completely disinterested. It’s weird and doesn’t have any national impact. Not much more you can ask for in a game you probably can’t find on your TV.

Nevada at Kansas State          2:05pm          ESPN+

Hell yeah, this is trash. Nevada is a road favorite! Take KState all the way.

Purdue at 12 Notre Dame         2:30pm          NBC

Notre Dame has looked a little bit of a mess so far but they’ve won both of their games. Not the worst position to be in. Purdue has also won both of their games. I don’t want to get my hopes up just yet but it seems like the Irish are riding the razor’s edge just asking to be pushed off. Keep an eye on this score, maybe the good people of the world will have something to celebrate in the late afternoon/early evening.

Kent State at 5 Iowa                 3:30pm         BTN

Iowa’s fifth? It’s too fucking early for this shit.

Florida State at Wake Forest     3:30pm         ESPN

0-2 Florida State goes on the road as a 4-point underdog to face 2-0 Wake Forest. Mike Norvell is really out on a plank right now and I am not sure he can safely find his way back to the deck.

Georgia Tech at 6 Clemson        3:30pm          ABC

Clemson’s got talent all over and Georgia Tech sucks but I’m still not sold on DJ Uigalelei as an NFL savior type of player. Or a national championship winner for that matter. He reminds me of EJ Manuel.

Baylor at Kansas                    3:30pm             ESPN+

Baylor is not good but the betting public is getting hip to the “bet against Kansas every chance you get” strategy so the line has jumped four points already this week and I wouldn’t be surprised if it makes it another couple before kickoff to get to 20+. Which is still probably too kind to the Jayhawks.

1 Alabama at 11 Florida           3:30pm           CBS

Bama has only had a couple of practice games against lower division opponents but they look as complete as any team I can remember from a talent/scheme perspective. This is a pretty good test and the 15-point line seems a little over-confident on the road in the Swamp. If the Bammers really do overwhelm the Gators then you can pretty much start planning on their return to the CFB Playoffs.

Tulsa at 9 Ohio State                3:30pm            FS1

Every week of every year I struggle to keep Tulsa and Toledo straight. Toledo is the one that almost beat Notre Dame last week. Tulsa is the one that lost to UC-Davis in week 1. Ohio State may be troubled on defense but that only matters against other top-tier teams. Having the line moving in Tulsa’s direction is absolute lunacy. If the Buckeyes can’t cover 25 points then they’re in real trouble. For now my guess is that Oregon is just better than we realized and OSU is going to be fine.

SMU at Louisiana Tech             3:30pm         CBSSN

This is my kind of counter-programming if nothing else is close. Not sure if there are some ponies down to have points shifting towards the Karl Malones but I think SMU is up to a two-score win.

LIU at Miami (Ohio)                    3:30pm          ESPN+

Sure, whatever you say.

USC at Washington State         3:30pm            FOX

At first I thought this was USC-UW and I was ready to emotionally invest in the drama but it’s just Wazzou. USC giving up on a playoff spot in week two to sit around and wait for Urban Meyer is going to be fucking hilarious when the Trojans end up getting jilted at the altar.

Idaho at Oregon State                3:30pm           P12N Oregon

Pac-12 Network Oregon. This implies the existence of a P12N Washington. I’ve seen the main network on TV before. It was fine if a little bit too “featuring Matt Leinart” for my tastes but seeing the weird way they’ve splintered their content is giving me a deeper understanding of west coast football fans that absolutely hate the Pac-12 Network.

Bryant at Akron                           3:30pm           ESPN3

Tune in to see some guy named Bryant touring around Akron.

Elon at Appalachian State          3:30pm           ESPN+

I hope App State runs this grifter out of their campus on a rail. The more bad stuff happens to Elon Musk the better off all of humanity will be.

Delaware at Rutgers                   3:30pm             BTN

Fuck me, this is just all the pain in the world masquerading as a sporting event.

Eastern Michigan at UMass         3:30pm          FloFootball/NESN+

I don’t have much interest in this game but seeing that it’s available on the Nintendo Entertainment System Network is intriguing.

Colorado State at Toledo              4:00pm           ESPNU

Toledo blew a huge opportunity last week so they’re ripe for a letdown but all signs point to Colorado State being incredibly bad at football this year.

Sacramento State at California    4:00pm          P12N Bay Area

P12N Bay Area probably reaches cable subscribers in like Vallejo and nowhere else in the entire world. When I put it that way it seems like exactly where this game belongs but it’s still not a thing that should exist. I mean the network but it’s true for the game also.

Northwestern at Duke              4:00pm              ACCN

Disgusting.

Mississippi State at Memphis        4:00pm          ESPN2

I think Memphis can knock down the SEC’s middle tier but I haven’t gotten a clear idea of either of these teams yet.

Georgia Southern at 20 Arkansas       4:00pm      SECN

Arkansas rose up last week because of the weird insistence by Lice Dad that playing a middling Texas team was the biggest game in school history. Arkansas has played in the SEC CG more than once. They’ve won a national championship. How does a guy that’s paid to be an SEC homer even make such a dumb statement and keep his job?

Ball State at Wyoming                  4:00pm             Stadium

I watched the CFB 150 episode about the Black 14 this week so now it’s all I can think about for Wyoming football.

Arkansas State at Washington       4:15pm            P12N

What the hell happened to UDub to fall back to this lowly spot? Did Chris Peterson just fall on his ass in recruiting?

Murray State at Bowling Green       5:00pm           ESPN3

This sounds like a sixties movie title for a spy agency thriller that could be mistaken for a comedy when not viewed through a then-contemporary lens.

East Carolina at Marshall                 6:00pm         Facebook

ECU is looking like a doormat and Marshall might be really good again but I would never in good conscience ever contribute to facebook’s good fortunes wittingly.

Fordham at Florida Atlantic             6:00pm             ESPN3

I want to love this game but I actually hate it.

Old Dominion at Liberty                    6:00pm           ESPN3

There is going to be so much COVID passed around this stadium.

Middle Tennessee at UTSA                6:00pm          ESPN+

Beautiful, horrible, unwatchable mess. This is where you go to feel like you are alone in the universe.

Troy at Southern Miss                        7:00pm             ESPN+

There’s also this.

Grambling State at Houston               7:00pm             ESPN+

And this one.

Utah at San Diego State                      7:00pm            CBSSN

This is real entertainment. Twitter will be all over the next listing so I’ll be FOMO’d into watching that for a while but SDSU-Utah on CBS SN might be where I first dreamt up the concept of degenerate football. It was either that or a UFL game featuring a QB duel between Daunte Culpepper and Jeff Garcia.

South Carolina at 2 Georgia               7:00pm             ESPN

I’m waiting for Georgia to bumble. I’m counting on it. Georgia-Clemson was a classic early season game that somehow helps both teams in the rankings all year but ends up actually being a showcase of how shitty their offense are rather than a referendum on great defense.

UIW at Texas State                             7:00pm              ESPN3

I think UIW is a union trade school or something. So I guess I’m rooting for them.

Charlotte at Georgia State                 7:00pm              ESPN+

Charlotte’s semester in Atlanta would shape her life in ways that nobody could have envisioned when she left her family’s home in the late summer following her failed attempt to run a bakeshop.

FIU at Texas Tech                              7:00pm             ESPN+

Maybe I actually hate college football.

Florida A&M at USF                           7:00pm             ESPN+

USF could lose this. Worth checking on if you see an upset alert.

Furman at NC State                          7:30pm            RSN/ESPN3

Body bag game.

Utah State at Air Force                     7:30pm             FS2

Kind of neat degenerate game but, depending on the uniform choices, could be a bit monotone and tough to follow.

Virginia at 21 North Carolina             7:30pm             ACCN

The South’s Oldest Rivalry! Like most of the previous 125 meetings of these two school’s, this year’s game will mainly decide who sucks worse. Of course in the ACC Coastal being slightly less bad than your opponents is the winningest strategy of all. Go Hoos!

Stony Brook at 4 Oregon                   7:30pm            P12N

Great scheduling to follow up an emotional game with a body bag. I’m not being facetious, this is right where you need these games.

UAB at North Texas                          7:30pm           Stadium

Not gonna open an app or whatever to watch this but I bet it’s fun for off-brand college football.

Central Michigan at LSU                  7:30pm             SECN

LSU at home at night is supposed to be the best atmosphere in college football. Way better than a 19.5-point line against Central Michigan. What stage of LSU’s life cycle are we in right now?

22 Auburn at 10 Penn State               7:30pm            ABC

War goddamn Eagle, baby. Penn State is doing that stupid white out thing which, correct if I’m wrong again, only goes for the people in the stands. So they’ll all be dressed up in pretty much Auburn’s road colors to watch Auburn. I hate Auburn but I really hate Penn State.

Alcorn State at South Alabama          8:00pm           ESPN3

Things are looking rough for the rest of the docket.

Rice at Texas                                      8:00pm            LHN

A battle of equals.

Stanford at Vanderbilt                        8:00pm           ESPNU

Look at this American aristocracy horse shit. Fuck these schools and the teams of horses that carried them in.

Tulane at 17 Mississippi                      8:00pm              ESPN2

The racist south may just have the nation’s best QB. It’s a good year for Matt Corral to show off his arm strength because 2022 is not looking like a bumper crop of QB draftees at this far off date. He’s small for the position but Kyler Murray, Baker Mayfield and Russell Wilson are all smaller. If the arm talent is real he could go #1 overall.

Jackson State at ULM                         8:00pm              ESPN3

Nope.

SC State at New Mexico State            8:00pm           FloFootball / CW El Paso

Sorry.

Oklahoma State at Boise State              9:00pm          FS1

Whoa whoa whoa. This is uniform heaven. And on the blue turf? Your eyes will burn. Embrace that feeling.

Northern Arizona at Arizona                  10:00pm          P12N AZ

P12N AZ. Holy shit. What the hell were these people thinking? This has to be the smallest demo ever targeted by a network.

19 Arizona State at 23 BYU                     10:15pm          ESPN

Seeing these teams face off as ranked opponents is very weird. Real late 80s vibe here. It’s titillating in its way. Might not even be the most fun game in the late night region.

14 Iowa State at UNLV                           10:30pm           CBSSN

UNLV is an absolute wasteland of a program. It’s kind of stupid, really. They aren’t in an unsellable spot and they don’t play the most rugged schedule but year after year after year they lose 9 or more games. Makes more sense than not having a good baseball program but there should be some G5 magic in Vegas. Iowa State is going to roll.

Fresno State at 13 UCLA                       10:45pm            P12N

Chip Kelly having UCLA as the premier program in L.A. is something I couldn’t have seen coming just last week but we’re there now. And Fresno State plays some wild offense that could/should make this the late night hangout spot. If you can find it. If you have this channel. That shouldn’t be a question! Fuckin’ a, Pac-12, what are you doing?

San Jose State at Hawaii                      12:30am            FS1

Technically a Sunday game but I cut the header because if you’re watching this there is an implicit understanding that it’s still Saturday. Not sure what’s going on with the kick time, though. I was under the impression that Hawaii games had to kick off by 11:59pm Eastern to count with the rest of the week’s games. Very odd. That’s really all I have to say about this game.

[madrivervalleyicelandics]

Note:  click through the photos and gifs above to read the captions.

I’ve been promising for ages now that I’d make a post about the hoofcare changes we’ve made to our program in 2017, and now that the days are getting shorter I’ve had a bit more downtime to actually do it!  So here goes - it is long and I struggled with how to organize it, hopefully those of you who were interested don’t mind wading through all of this information :P

Over the past year I have transitioned every horse in my care out of metal shoes.  This was a decision that we made based on research demonstrating that the conclusiveness of metal shoes is harmful to equine joints in the longterm.  

Since making the switch, I have noticed a drastic positive change in my horses.  Some of the back tightness and stiffness in some of the horses, which I had long accommodated to saddle fit issues and had been working with a saddle fitter to fix, suddenly cleared up - every single horse’s back improved this year, with softer and better developed muscles - the good ones got better, and the ones with some issues got significantly better.  I believe that chiropractic/bodywork care is not an “extra” cost but a necessary part of maintaining equine athletes, as this is the only domesticated animal that we SIT ON and expect to perform, so I continue to have my vet check my horses regularly and work with me to determine each horse’s training program.  However, since making the switch out of metal shoes, my vet hasn’t had as much to adjust when he checks the horses.  This is the most marked change, and it’s not one that I expected.  It’s been dramatic enough that I am completely sold on going metal-free.

Another change that I have noticed is improved balance and posture (this, of course, ties into the back softness) in a way that has improved clarity of gait.  There is often this idea that horses which are pacey will be better with longer hooves and heavier shoes - this belief is the reason why we have so many shoeing regulations in our sport, to prevent people from cheating or compromising equine welfare to achieve higher scores.  However, paceyness and trottiness are both body issues - exaggerating hoof angles or shoe weight does not fix the root of the problem.  Fixing the balance of the hoof, rolling back the toe, and making the horse more comfortable through their backs and muscles has trickled down into the gaits - now, on shorter toes and composite shoes or hoof boots (which are LIGHTER than the metal shoes that most of us use in this sport), horses that had a tendency towards paceyness and trottiness have become much more supple and balanced.  Now, of course, this is along with a careful foundational dressage program and fitness program, so I’m not saying that you can throw composite shoes on your horse and all of his training issues and chronic back issues will magically be fixed - but for a horses already in a solid, compassionate program, this change has given them a serious boost.

Finally, I’ve noticed that the horses seem a little more confident and cheerful working out of metal shoes, although they were already confident and cheerful - again, it’s like the change has given them a boost.  They’ve got more cushion when their hoof hits the ground, and it’s something they reacted to immediately in a positive way.  The first time I rode each horse in the composite shoes or hoof boots, I was amazed by how different the horses felt - in a good way!  It’s a bit like riding on air, and it’s a more secure feeling because the hooves don’t slide when they hit the ground.  

So, now that I’ve opened with the benefits I’ve seen in my horses since making this change, I’ll get into the details of what I’m using, why I’m using it, etc.  

First, some background information:

Last year, myself, Amy Goddard, and Kathy Sierra submitted a proposal to the USIHC Board (before I was elected to the BOD) requesting that composite shoes and hoof boots be allowed in sport competition.  We made this proposal in response to new (and even some older) research that demonstrates that non-metal hoof protection reduced concussion on our horses’ joints, and improves their chances at soundness and good longevity.  I had kept my horses in metal shoes for many years and had not suffered serious ill effects from it as some have (no early onset arthritis, tendon issues, hoof ailments, etc.), I think because of my focus on conditioning and strong foundational dressage work - however, I made a promise to myself and my horses that I will always be open-minded to new findings, and that I will change my ways when I see that something else may be better for my animals’ welfare.  The proposal was sent on to FEIF, the international governing body for Icelandic sport, where it was approved on an experimental period for the 2017 show season.  Almost immediately, I sought out to find a farrier that could help me transition my horses over to nonmetal hoof protection.

My search led me to Common Ground Hoofcare.  Annie and Jeremiah are EXTREMELY qualified professionals who are 100% focused on equine welfare.  They’ve dedicated themselves to a never-ending quest to further their knowledge and improve their craft, and as a result they are very open-minded and educated.  Their approach produces sound, comfortable athletes and their methods are backed up by the best and most current research we have available.  As new information becomes available, they adapt their practices to include it.  These are the kind of equestrian professionals that I like to work with.  

Best of all, THEY TRAVEL!  They can probably come to you!  They travel around the Midwest, Kentucky, etc. to offer their services and are willing to expand their territory, although they prefer to stick mainly to the East Coast.  They’re also able to recommend other trimmers and farriers that they respect, if they can’t cover your area.  I repeat, THEY CAN COME TO YOU, OR HELP YOU FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN.

The shoes approved by FEIF included the Duplo composite shoe, and the Easyboot glove and Easyboot Epic.  I chose to shoe my competition horses (and one of my boarders also chose to shoe her horse) in Duplos, straight-nailed on as opposed to glue although glueing them on is also an option (nails were my personal choice in this case).  For my other horses - our lesson horses and horses in training - we decided to leave the horses barefoot and work them in the Easyboot Epics.  Since then, I have experimented with glueing on the Duplos, and with Epona Shoes.  Below I’ll write about my experiences with composite shoes and hoof boots, broken down into the questions that people have most frequently been asking me:

Duplo Composite Shoes

The Duplo shoes are a composite shoe, made of a kind of bouncy, plastic-y material with a metal core.  As I said above, they can be glued or straight-nailed on, or a combination of glue and nails.  They come in a variety that has side-clips, and a variety that does not.  We have been using the variety that does not have side clips.

The Duplo shoes have been absolutely fantastic for the kind of riding I do with my Icelandic competition horses.  I cross-train with distance riding, and my competition horses do a 15 mile ride once per week mainly on tough, hilly, hard-packed dirt roads.  Additionally, we usually do 1-2 days per week of dressage work in the arena, one day of work per week without a rider (longeing/in-hand or ponying on the roads and trails), but the bulk of our training is conducted on the dirt roads.  I put serious miles on my horses, but take the time to condition them carefully and work them correctly using a strong foundation of classical dressage.  The Duplo shoes have been an improvement over metal shoes in every single way, for every facet of what I do with my horses.  Below are some of the things I have been asked about:

Resets - How do they hold up when you’re riding at speed on those abrasive roads the way we Icelandic riders so often like to do?  I’ll put it this way - I think I can count on one hand the amount of time my Vigri and I have gotten a reset out of a pair of metal shoes.  We ride a LOT and usually our metal shoes are useless after one 4-5 week cycle.  We have been getting at least one and sometimes TWO resets out of the Duplos.  TWO!  Because they don’t slide when they make contact with the ground the way metal shoes do, they hold up unbelievably well, even with very tough riding.

Are they slippery on grass?  NO!  Much less slippery than metal shoes!  Vigri and Spönn were both shod in Duplos when they won blue ribbons at a hunter pace this summer at GMHA, and that hunter pace was mostly on grass footing. If anything, they’re grippier than metal shoes!

Gaits - Do the Duplo shoes negatively impact the gaits (tölt and pace)?  Not for me - however because I am focused on postural rehabilitation and dressage, I do not use hoof length or shoeing tricks to enhance or patch up holes in my horse’s gaits.  So I was not concerned that the shoes would mess up their gaits.  With good dressage and a proper trim, this shouldn’t be an issue at all, regardless of whether horses are barefoot, in hoof boots, shod in composites, or shod in metal.  Gaits should come from the body, not the feet.  See above, photos of Spönn pacing in her Duplos and Vigri competing in his.  

Heelboots - can they be used with these shoes?  Yes they can!  There is a part of the shoe that covers the frog, however because the shoe is flexible it is easy to get the little triangle of the heelboot into that space if you want to use heelboots for protection.

Trim cycles - is there any difference with the Duplos?  Yes, in that the Duplo shoe is going to maintain its shape and not warp with the hoof the way a metal shoe will, this does mean that horses ought to be kept to a 4 week cycle.  Which is really the ideal schedule for a shod horse anyway - going longer results in excessive hoof length that can put strain on the tendons, ligaments, and joints.

Can they be studded for winter use?  YES, and Duplo even makes a studded variety!  I can’t wait to try them out this winter!!

What about Epona shoes?  I like Epona shoes fine, but not for a humid climate.  The Duplos have these bumpy, grippy patches that keep them from sliding around on the hoof.  I have tried Epona shoes on a horse here and because of the way the hoof was expanding and contracting in the humidity, and the slippery material of the shoe, the shoe ended up moving around too much and breaking up the nail holes.  I also did find the Epona shoes to be slippery on grass and on the dirt roads.  In my opinion based on my experience, the Duplo is the better choice for our climate here in the Northeast and for our terrain in the mountains of Vermont, and for the level/amount of riding I do.

Benefits - have you noticed any benefits in the 6+ months you have been using these shoes?  YES, I absolutely have.  I have been able to cut my chiropractic/bodywork bills for my horses in half.  Their muscles, backs, and joints are just happier!  I’m getting better relaxation and freedom in my horse’s movements.  At the recent competition in Kentucky (where I did have to reshoe my horses in metal just before the show because FEIF’s experimental allowance period ended in September), Dr. Gloria Verrecchio said that my Vigri was in the best shape she’d ever felt him in.  She has been giving him bodywork tuneups after the long trailer ride to Kentucky for three years now, and this year he was much softer and better developed - I attribute some of that to the Duplo shoes, as they’ve reduced concussion and stress on his joints and allowed him to relax and develop his muscles better.  I’m getting improved movement from all of my horses, who seem more comfortable and more willing to offer me a little something extra.  Spönn paces better in her Duplos than she does in metal shoes.  Overall I am highly impressed with the Duplo shoes, and the way they make my horses feel.  I hope that they get approved longterm by FEIF so that I never have to compete in metal again!

EasyBoot Epics

I resisted hoof boots for a long time because I thought they looked clunky, I worried they would fall off or mess up my horse’s gaits, etc.  The EasyBoot Epics have dispelled all of my concerns.  They are fabulous.  They are essentially the same thing as the EasyBoot Glove, except that they use a cable to close whereas on the Glove, you hammer them on or sometimes people even glue them on.  I like the EasyBoot Epics because they allow my horses to live barefoot when they aren’t working, which is the healthiest thing for a horse with healthy hooves.  Living bare allows the hoof to expand and contract as it should, and allows us to keep the horse in a very balanced trim without having to attach something to the bottom of the hoof.  The Epics fit snuggly - before I ride I clean out my horse’s hooves, and slip the Epics over their hooves.  Sometimes, they do need a knock with a mallet because you do want them to fit snuggly.  Then you just velcro the gator and snap down the cable, and you’re good to go.  Here are some of the questions I’ve received about the Easyboot Epics:

Do they change the horse’s gaits/way of going?  This was my biggest concern.  And the answer is yes - in every single one of my horses, they have improved their gaits.  I think this is because they make the horse more comfortable and confident than they are in metal shoes.  Horses with a tendency to get a bit pacey or trotty both began to offer clearer tölt.  Again with these boots, the horse’s just aren’t needing the chiropractic or bodywork they once needed.  

Can you use them only in front?  Yes you can, but that may change the balance of your horse, because then their front feet will weigh more.  For Icelandic competition, you must have them on both the fronts and backs if you are using them.

Do they stay on?  If they fit, yes - but there is a small catch.  Your horse’s boot size may change throughout a trim cycle!  That took me a little while to figure out.  Particularly on the front hooves, after a fresh trim my horses are often a size smaller than they are towards the end of the cycle.  So if your horse measures a 0 after a trim, you might want to buy a set of 1s as well to use towards the end of the cycle.  I have had boots come off when they were fitted to my horses at the end of a cycle, and I put them on after a fresh trim.  Also, if the boots get very wet, they’re more likely to come off when you’re going fast in canter or fast tempo tölt or pace, if they are even a little bit too big.  But as long as they are the correct size, you will not have problems.

How long do they last?  My farriers told me that if I’m riding regularly, to expect about 3 months from each boot.  So far that has been pretty spot on, except for horses in lighter training.  Eventually, just like shoes, they do wear out.

Does the gator rub the pasterns?  Not on any one of my horses and we have done a fair amount of distance riding using these, through water crossings and mud etc. with no issues.

Are they hard to put on?  They can be hard to put on in the beginning when they are brand new.  But they quickly get easier to put on.  There is also a learning curve, in the beginning its a bit awkward, but now I can put them on all of my horses very quickly, in about 2 minutes to get them on all 4 hooves.

Do the horses like them?  They seem to.  We only had one horse walk a bit funny when they were first put on, but she quickly adjusted.  None of the horses have acted displeased with the boots and all have improved in them so I would say that the horses do like them.

If anyone has any further questions about my experiences with composite shoes or hoof boots in this past year, feel free to ask!  It is my hope that these shoes will get approved by FEIF to be permanently included as acceptable shoeing for Icelandic sport, but even if they don’t get approved, I can say without a doubt that my horses will be wearing composites or hoof boots from now on.  If I must put metal on them for shows, I will do what I did for the KY show and shoe them in metal just before the show and pull shoes immediately after, but I hope that FEIF will see that there is no reason to ban composite shoes and hoof boots from competition, and that allowing them is a great step for equine welfare.

EDIT, November 18, 2017:

We have now studded both the Easyboot Epics and the Duplo shoes for winter use, and I have ridden in both in all gaits including canter on the icy roads and in the snowy ring.  I am very pleased with how both are working, although I am finding the Duplos slightly more stable.  I would say based on my observations so far that having the Easyboot Epics fit PERFECTLY becomes especially important when using them in winter like this, because as the boot bites into the ground, if its moving around at all on the hoof that will surely be an issue.  Ours are fitted well and have been working out nicely.  Below are two photos of a studded Duplo shoe (attached to the hoof with both glue and nails - fewer nails than would be used without glue), and one photo of a studded Easyboot Epic.

I am thrilled that I will be able to use these all winter long!!

[mixed-originals-blog]

Headspace/System Progress Report (11/15/17)

(This is going to be very long. Mostly writing this progress update for myself. Feel free to skip by this if it doesn’t interest you)   There was a long time where I really wasn't sure I'd hear, feel, or sense anything even remotely vividly in headspace, but thankfully that's (partially) over. - As is most things that go along with my system and I's development, progress sort of popped up when I least expected it, stop trying so damn hard all the time, and definitely surprised me. While I'm still having trouble seeing colors besides blurs and grays in our house, Little recently started being her silly self and got a paintbrush and started running around the walls, trailing glowing rainbow paint behind her everywhere she went. I don't think we have the best control of permanence in our headspace yet, because the trail of paint wouldn't last too long behind her before sinking away into the wall and vanishing. Almost like a trail of light, rather than real paint. Little 'claims' it was because she wanted to be polite and not make a mess of the room, but I've known this kid for 8 years and I know she'd paint and put stickers over literally everything if she could, lol. When I brought that up, she just gave me that innocent smile and kept quiet. - I've started doing practices with touch as of late as the next sense I want to get really good at in headspace. It's going better than expected. I've seen tips/tricks mentioning picking up an apple and seeing how it feels, throwing a basketball, and really feeling the texture of them and how they interact with the rest the the world. Whether I'm instantly plucking the sensations from memory and sort of overlaying them on my senses like a blanket or if I'm actually feeling the texture of it with my form's hands is hard to tell. Either way, it's progress. I have a hard time with moving objects like streams of water or things with less solid features. Blankets, beds, hair, clothes, water, soft stuff, etc are all still can't really be picked up on yet. If I were to rest in a bathtub in my headspace room, I'd for sure be able to feel myself push off of the rim of the tub and step into the bath as well as hear all the details of the water, see the steam and shine of everything, and the way water echos the bathroom. I can do it even just as I type it, but the feeling of water and the warmth of the water are a different story. I guess I'll need to work more on that. Taste is somewhere in between those two (as long as it's a strong taste). It feels far more like plucking a memory and remembering the taste of an apple than actually tasting an apple in there, but it's still something. Smell is pretty much my absolute weakest strength when it comes to that. Doesn't help I have unreliable sense of smell in real space anyway   - In terms of sound with voices, I could hear my fictive's voice while he was that fictive in headspace much more clearly than anyone else's so far. Possibly because of him having an already pre-set voice. Since he's now changed into something without a voice, we'll have to find a new one, but it was cool while it was there. It was like somewhere between auditory imposition inside headspace and distant mindvoice itself. While I'm at it, I should find better voice examples for all of us. - While having a moment to ourselves in real space, I (Nee) closed my eyes and went to see how Little was doing. She got excited and lead me to her room where she's been designing it to have more features suited to her. After a bit of thought, she decided to have one of those wall-castle beds. On the right side were the stairs to climb up, the middle was her bed with sort of rounded crib bars to keep her from falling so high up, and then a closed tunnel slide back down. Under the bed portion was an open space. She thought about putting a large open dollhouse there that she could jump into to play in (I mentioned 'Like Blues Clues?' and she got very happy). She quickly came to notice though she had nothing to do in there and scrapped the idea in favor for a desk she could draw pictures on and read books. I believe from what we can tell the castle is a sort of soft white with soft pink accents here and there. Once we develop more color, she's probably going to add some baby blues in there, knowing her. I know she wants to cover her room walls with her drawings (once we get strong enough in headspace to keep them there and not vanish all the time).  She also put a treasure chest on the left side of the room for good measure. She then went up with her pet red panda and they cuddled, took a small nap, and took turns sliding on the slide. - Small side note to that, when I mentioned the idea of practicing visual imposition with her red panda sometime, they both actually got rather excited. Her pet isn't an entire tulpa itself, but more an extension of herself that helps keep her company. She could probably do this with any of her stuffed animals, but she really loves her red panda. - Tulpa update: I suppose since my (once) fictive no longer wants to be what he chose at first we're going to start over as much as possible, while keeping some core aspects that could easily carry over. He saw one of the pony characters I own and really liked him and the idea of a human version of him as well. I'm giving him time to think it over before I start really active forcing again with him. When he was a fictive, he was sort of all of our tulpa due to the connection we had to that character. I'm curious now if he will remain that way or become more attached to say... Little or Star, because of their connection to the show. Of course, I'll keep just as invested and as supportive as I always have been. Since we are sometimes 'hive-mind' like when not focusing on talking to each other in our day to day, he's most likely to end up as our overall tulpa. At least on the plus side, I can clearly hear hoof step noises in here due to making my hearing better, so there's that if he wants to go that route - Completely different update, due to my increased ability to visualize images and movements in my own head due to headspace interaction, my ability to visualize art I've wanted to make has become much clearer too, including animation. While I know a lot of it is due to practice, I feel this could be a good part of the reason that my art has gone from this (April of this year): (Art by me, April /17) to this (Art by me, Oct '17) And animation like has become easier due to vividly being able to actually see it like a movie in my mind. I dunno, just felt like writing this all down. ^^”

[fae-fucker]

Shatter Me: Chapter 1-2

Oh God please no. Yes, finally, the book you’ve all been thirsting waiting for. 

I have to preface this by saying that I know that the protagonist has been in solitary confinement for super long and I know her narration is supposed to be terrible unconventional.

But! It doesn’t mean that this works, or that I have to like it. Just because I understand what the author was going for does not automatically make it good. 

And as someone who has an extremely low tolerance for purple prose, I can safely tell you that I took a quick peek at the mess narration near the end of the book and it was still garbage not great. 

With that out of the way, let’s begin.

Chapter 1

I’ve been locked up for 264 days. 

I have nothing but a small notebook and a broken pen and the numbers in my head to keep me company. 1 window. 4 walls. 144 square feet of space. 26 letters in an alphabet I haven’t spoken in 264 days of isolation. 

6,336 hours since I’ve touched another human being.

Our protagonist tells us that The Reestablishment (yes) has locked her away because of something outside of her control, which, based on the book’s tagline, must have something to do with her ability to hurt people through physical contact. 

I only know that I was transported by someone in a white van who drove 6 hours and 37 minutes to get me here.

Her being able to figure out how long it’s been since she’s touched someone and how long the van drove implies that she knew she had to start counting right after it happened, which idk how much sense that makes, but ok. 

I know my parents never bothered to say good-bye.

I didn’t do that btw. This is this book’s “thing”. It’s supposed to be deep and show us how conflicted the protagonist is, how she actually thinks one thing but forces herself to ignore it in favor of something more “acceptable”. 

Again, I get what the author was going for, but this quickly becomes a one-trick pony, and the trick is kicking you in the face with how deep it is.

In this particular case, it just becomes weird. If we remove the crossed-out words, we don’t even get a complete sentence! It doesn’t make sense in context either. What a mess. 

I know the sky falls down every day.

When you’re writing a super deep YA novel, you probably don’t want the reader to think about Chicken Little.

Anyway, the protagonist angsts about how the planet is fucked, so that’s fun. Some generic attempt at post-apocalyptic worldbuilding for ya.

She’s supposed to get a cellmate but falls asleep before he arrives.

My eyes open to 2 eyes 2 lips 2 ears 2 eyebrows.

Would you say that it is, perhaps, a face of some kind?

Supposedly the narration gets more ... er, lucid, eventually, but this is still very bad and I hate it.

Anyway, turns out that her cellmate is!!! 

A BOY!!!

Dear God. 

They’re trying to kill me. 

They’ve done it on purpose.

I’m not exactly sure why she’s freaking out over this? Like I honestly can’t tell if she’s afraid of him, or if she’s so Very Heterosexual™ and so unable to control her goddamn self that she’ll just touch him all over and kill him? 

I honestly can’t figure it out. Maybe she has limited meta knowledge and knows that this guy will be driving the plot forward or some shit. 

The guy is obviously

Gorgeous Dangerous. Terrifying. Horrible.

because we can’t have anything else. I also love how she’s supposedly weird in the head after being in solitary for 264 days but is still somehow able to go “omg he’s HAAAAAWT” instead of just going “OMG ANOTHER HUMAN!! ANOTHER HUMAN!! ANOTHER HUMAN!!” 

But what do I know.

The guy tries talking to her but she’s having a BSOD.

He glances at my bed. Glances at his bed. Shoves them both together with one hand.

[...]

He’s stolen my bed my blanket my pillow.

And also your commas, apparently.

Chapter 2

Raindrops are my only reminder that clouds have a heartbeat. That I have one, too. 

I always wonder about raindrops. 

I wonder about how they’re always falling down, tripping over their own feet, breaking their legs and forgetting their parachutes as they tumble right out of the sky toward an uncertain end. It’s like someone is emptying their pockets over the earth and doesn’t seem to care where the contents fall, doesn’t seem to care that the raindrops burst when they hit the ground, that they shatter when they fall to the floor, that people curse the days the drops dare to tap on their doors. 

I am a raindrop. 

My parents emptied their pockets of me and left me to evaporate on a concrete slab.

I honestly have no words. I think this speaks for itself. 

I could pick apart this entire metaphor, because that’s what I do to purple prose, but then I’d have to do this to every stupid metaphor that shows up in this book and that means I’d be stuck here for years. 

And for someone who can’t put a few commas in her sentences and whose narration is supposed to sound incoherent, she sure can conjure up extremely intricate shit like this. She’s somehow not lucid enough to understand that a face is a face, but finding/making up similarities between her own fate and the weather? That she can do.

He’s wearing a navy blue T-shirt and khaki cargo pants tucked into shinhigh black boots.

Fashion disaster.

Cellmate looks at protagonist and she blushes. Because after not seeing another person for 264 days, she still somehow feels shame when a pretty boy looks at her and she feels that she's not hot enough to be looked at, like she’s in high school or something. 

I catch the rose petals as they fall from my cheeks, as they float around the frame of my body, as they cover me in something that feels like the absence of courage.

Ah, yes.

...

What.

“They cover me in something that feels like the absence of courage”? 

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN AND WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT FEEL LIKE?!

He shifts and my eyes shatter into thousands of pieces that ricochet around the room, capturing a million snapshots, a million moments in time. Flickering images faded with age, frozen thoughts hovering precariously in dead space, a whirlwind of memories that slice through my soul.

Holy shit. What have I gotten myself into?

Cellmate tries talking to her again but food arrives. 

My throat is tight with something familiar to me, something I’ve learned to swallow.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Cellmate tries to get the food but burns himself because the tray is hot. Protagonist warns him after the fact, and cellmate gets reasonably cranky. 

Protagonist’s response is to go stare out the tiny window in their cell.

There will be a bird today. It will be white with streaks of gold like a crown atop its head. It will fly. There will be a bird today. It will be white with streaks of gold like a crown atop its head. It will fly. There will be a— His hand.

On me. 

2 tips

of 2 fingers graze my cloth-covered shoulder for less than a second and every muscle every tendon in my body is fraught with tension and tied into knots that clench my spine.

Despite this, she gets over it right quick.

Sometimes I’m so desperate to touch to be touched to feel that I’m almost certain I’m going to fall off a cliff in an alternate universe where no one will ever be able to find me.

Cellmate asks if protag is hungry. She lies and says no.

His lips are only barely parted, his limbs limp at his side, his lashes blinking back confusion

His lashed have their own eyes now. Talk about body horror. 

Protag realized that there’s something ~*~familiar~*~ about his eyes. 

My eyes break open. 2 shattered windows filling my mouth with glass.

Ok.

Protag starts writing in her notebook.

These words are vomit.

You’re not wrong.

Protag tells cellmate that he can’t touch her. 

Please touch me, is what I want to tell him.

But things happen when people touch me. Strange things. Bad things. 

Dead things.

Cool. 

Touch this book.

[christiebuchele]

I’m not just here to hang out...2017 Vision Board

You're Not Here to Just Hang out... and other reminders for 2017

2017 is here! Everything is different now. My life will be different. All the problems are solved. I assume Donald Trump is no longer President on this side of midnight. I assume my dead friends have resurrected. I assume a manager will be calling any minute to represent me and my Conan set is coming right now the pipe. Also they found a cure of Cerebral Palsy and I can be cured and also write a completely new act because I am such a good comedian. I am not a fraud or one trick pony. Thank god. I've been working so hard and I am very glad this is all coming together.

I assume this is not how life works so here are a few goals I would like to hold myself accountable for, consider this my dream board.

1) Record and Album with the Pussy Bros.--I am enjoying working with Janae and Rachel so much and I truly believe with even more hard work we will be able to kick our shows and outreach up even further in 2017. While the focus is to continue traveling as a group, gain group and brand recognition, put on great shows, and continue to become better comedians; I believe that if our goal is to continue to spread Jordan's album, message and light that we will continue to be amazing.

2) Continue to foster and mentor Female comedians in the Denver Comedy Scene. If anyone wants advice or friendship, or an ear to voice concerns; I am here. I know it is tough to be a Woman in comedy and I am learning to change by personal culture to one of support rather than competition. I don't assume anyone wants my help. But it's here if you are looking. Heather Snow was the first woman to create a showcase to support women and she was the person who taught me to lift each other up instead of create rifts of jealousy and I want to build these relationships for the health of my own heart and to honor the memory of Heather Snow.

3) It is my goal to go build my storytelling skills in 2017. My favorite comedians create stand-up that reads almost like testimony. Taking people from hard laughs to thought-provoking poignant moments and I believe this is the best way to remind myself the beauty of humanity and to feel connected to other people. Storytelling isn't stand-up but it makes me create in way that makes me love and understand myself more.

4) I want to write at least 1000 words 5 days a week. It doesn't have to be jokes. It doesn't have to even make sense. But this is my craft. Creating stories in whatever form is my hearts true calling and there is no other way to get better unless the keys are moving. I CAN DO THIS ONE.

5) Two new minutes a week. Last year I made the goal of one new minute a week. And for the most part I stuck to this resolution. I didn't always keep the minutes I wrote but I always tried them and worked them and I increased my stage time a ton this year. I can push this to two.

6) Stay off facebook unless you are making a joke or doing business. There is too much drama on facebook in Denver comedy and I have done my fair part in perpetuating it. Denver Comedy looks like high school and I will not be there to create more noise in the void. I am not here to police comedy. Even if there were comedy police I am woefully under qualified for the job.

7) I have a book idea. A book about strong, troubled, flawed and beautiful women and I want to write it. I don't need to wait. I want four chapters done this year. If I get more than great. I will consider myself a rock star.

8) I want to go on the road at least five times. I already have two trips planned. Five is a totally doable number. I think I will be able to hit ten. Going on the road more frequently is a major goal so I need to create measurable goal to strive for.

9) I want another tv spot. I got two in 2015, one in 2016 and so I want another one 2017. Be available. Be sharp. Be sober. Be undeniable.

10)  Write a webseries about two comics with CP. I am tired of talking about this. Let's get it done, Josh, Aaron and Janae.

11) Gym three times a week

12) Drink less

13) Eat Better

14) Kiss more (WTF are we here for anyway??)

15) Learn more Karaoke Songs (Can't do Man in the Mirror forever)

16) Drink more water

17) Floss my teeth. The dentist is going to kill me.

18) Cuddle More Pets

19) Cook More Food

20) Ride my tricycle a total of 500 miles this year

If 2016 taught me anything its that I can't live in the past. I would love to go see Sam, Nathan, Bobby and Chris at the Deer Pile. I would love to go see the Grawlix at the Bug on last Friday's. I would love to hit Kinga's and Matchbox on Sunday nights. But these don't exist anymore. Denver Comedy isn't dead. It's changing and it doesn't need me but I need it more than ever. Denver Comedy doesn't need to look elsewhere for excellent comedy. It doesn't need to miss what it used to be. The strength of our little comedy island comes from within. I don't need to continue to look at the comics I want to be, I can be the comic I want to be. I'm not here to hang out. I am here to be the best version of myself I can be and whether its for me, Jordan or Snow, there isn't anytime to waste and I am very excited.

PS: Oh and for gods sake, Get a website.

[nikihawkes]

Title: The Demon Awakens

Author: R.A. Salvatore

Series: The Demonwars Saga #1

Genre: Fantasy

Rating: 3/5 stars

The Overview: A great evil has awakened in the land of Corona, a terrible demon determined to spread death and misery. His goblin armies and fearsome giants ravage the settlements of the frontier, and in the small village of Dundallis their merciless attack leaves behind two shattered orphans: Pony and her lifelong friend, the youth Elbryan. Taken in by elves, Elbryan is raised to become a formidable ranger–a fateful role that will lead him into harrowing confrontation.

Meanwhile, on a far-off island, a shower of gemstones will fall onto the black sand shores. These heaven-sent stones carry within them an incredible power–the key to all that is good in the world and all that is evil, and it is up to one young monk to liberate them from the corrupt monastery that harvests them. Pray that they don’t fall into the wrong, clawed hands . . .   -Goodreads

The Review:

As the entire Demonwars Saga has been gathering dust on my shelves for over ten years now, boy do I feel foolish for not having read The Demon Awakens before now. There were so many elements I loved, and at one point was even considering a 5 star rating (I’ll address what knocked it off that in a minute). It dazzled me with great characters, an interesting magic system, exotic fantastical settings, and a fast-paced plot filled with loads of action and excitement (with plenty of that brilliant hand-to-hand combat that Salvatore is known so well for).

The characters were fresh, exciting, and really fun to get to know – totally on par with their Forgotten Realms counterparts (if perhaps a mite less memorable). I had been a little worried that they’d be carbon copies of Drizzt and his gang, but thankfully they weren’t. It’s always a concern I have when reading a slightly less popular series by authors known primarily for other works. It’s kind of silly, because logically good writing knows know bounds. Anyway, Salvatore has definitely shown me here that he’s no one trick pony.

50% of The Demon Awakens (from about the 1/4 mark to the 3/4 mark) was a solid 5-star (I loved every freaking moment) type of story for all of the attributes listed above. It took a while to get past the spoiler-ish summary I’d read before diving in (which is why I usually don’t more than glance at overviews – does knowing key plot points of a story before diving in bother anyone else is much as it does me?).

Anyway, obviously there were some great components to The Demon Awakens, but there were a handful of things bothered me enough in the last 1/4 of the books to knock down my rating. Character development was one of them. I know I just spent a moment gushing at how great I thought they were; what I’m referring to here is how these great characters changed throughout the novel. One of my favorites underwent a seeming 180 degree personality flip over a very short time period… it was a little disorienting. It felt like two totally different character profiles were given the same name and slapped together. Also, the only relatable female character, who had strong growth arc through most of the book, eventually became second fiddle and almost incidental near the end.

Story trajectory was my other issue. Salvatore took my least favorite plot point and beat it to death with a small cudgel. I acknowledge that at some point that plot point needed to be resolved, but that doesn’t mean I was obligated to enjoy it ;P. The parts I wasn’t excited about earned a 2 star (it was just okay) rating.

That said, I’m still definitely continuing on with the series, as there was a significant parts of this book I loved with a fierce passion. I’ll just keep my fingers crossed that some of my favorite plot elements make their way into the next installment.

Other books you might like:

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The Outstretched Shadow by Mercedes Lackey and James Mallory

Homeland by R.A. Salvatore

Eye of the World by Robert Jordan

Pawn of Prophecy by David Eddings

A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin

by Niki Hawkes

Book Review: The Demon Awakens by R. A. Salvatore Title: The Demon Awakens Author: R.A. Salvatore Series: The Demonwars Saga #1 Genre: Fantasy Rating: