#la pluie meta

[lurkingshan]

La Pluie Meta Round-up

Since many of us have decided to stop being normal about this show, I wanted to get a little more organized about tracking the great meta inspired by the episodes every week. Some of y’all are putting in work to write these amazing essays digging into the text and subtext of this show, and I want to make sure I’m not missing any of it, as well as have a central place to track my own. I thought this might also be a useful resource to others, especially anyone coming to the show late (please join us, this is the perfect moment to get into La Pluie). 

So without further ado, a round up of my favorite essays and posts to come out of the fandom on this excellent show. I will plan to update this each Saturday with the previous week’s meta as we go through the final four episodes. I tried my best to find everything but y'all know how faulty tumblr’s search and tag functions are, so if you think I missed something important, let me know!

First, the most crucial essay about La Pluie that everyone must read

We Must All Get Gayer and Louder About La Pluie Immediately (@bengiyo)

Second, a round up of some of the essays exploring the structure and intent of the story

Note: these may contain random spoilers for some episodes but are not specifically about any given episode

Four schools of thought on soulmates (@shortpplfedup)

Intentional subversion of the soulmate trope

Interrogating the romance genre (@chickenstrangers) 

La Pluie and the subversion of second lead syndrome

La Pluie and the subversion of the faen fatale

La Pluie: On the Lore 

Locations of La Pluie (@colourme-feral)

Name meanings in La Pluie (@recentadultburnout)

Narrative determinism versus genre determinism (@ginnymoonbeam)

On the subject of consent in recent bls (@williamrikers)

Romance tropes don’t work in real life (@heretherebedork) NEW

Romantic idealism in La Pluie (@ginnymoonbeam)

And finally, episode specific reactions and predictions

Note: These are spoilerific, starting at episode 4 aka when we all started really losing our minds over this show

Episode 4

Defying destiny (me and @bengiyo)

La Pluie Ep 4 And My Love Of Emotionally Available Characters (@bengiyo)

You (Yes, You!) Should be Watching La Pluie

Episode 5

La Pluie Ep 5 Stray Thoughts (aka birth of the Tai’s Dad is queer theory) (@bengiyo)

What we know about Patts (plus Shan and Ben’s vindication)

Working out the colors in La Pluie (@respectthepetty)

Episode 6

Hands in La Pluie Ep 6 (@wen-kexing-apologist)

La Pluie meets Nora Roberts (@syrena-del-mar)

On suspicion of Patts (@ginnymoonbeam)

Patts Was Going to Blow Tai. Tai Wanted It. Why That Matters. (@bengiyo)

You need to be watching La Pluie

Episode 7

Hands in La Pluie Ep 7 (@wen-kexing-apologist)

La Pluie: Maybe we will get a happy ending after all (@neuroticbookworm)

On the bed scene in Ep 7 (@ginnymoonbeam)

On the make out session in Ep 7 (@shouldiusemyname)

Episode 8

La Pluie and the Exploration of Romance, Competence, and Queerness (@bengiyo)

La Pluie: Do you still believe in soulmates?

La Pluie: The most important thing is that we really love each other

The Language of Love in La Pluie Ep 8 (@wen-kexing-apologist)

Third Child Syndrome: Birth Order Theory in La Pluie (@syrena-del-mar)

Episode 9

La Pluie and The Kind One (@sunshinechay)

Soulmate Skepticism vs Romanticism in La Pluie (@neuroticbookworm) 

the divine in me; the divine in you (@liyazaki)

The Kindness is the Point (@bengiyo)

The ultimate message of La Pluie

To love is a choice (@heretherebedork) 

What matters is CHOICE (@shortpplfedup)

Episode 10

A Jungian Perspective on La Pluie (@syrena-del-mar)

A Logical Love Doesn’t Exist (@fadelikeclouds)

break your own chains (@liyazaki)

Diving into Tai’s mind: Actions do not speak louder than words (@fadelikeclouds)

La Pluie: A Masterclass in Conflict Writing in Romance

La Pluie Breaks the Soulmate Bond

La Pluie: Not All Gays Are Great (@bengiyo)

La Pluie the Soundtrack (@shouldiusemyname)

Lomfon thoughts (@rocketturtle4)

On Tai’s isolation (@sunshinechay)

On villainising Patts (@shortpplfedup)

Pee Peerawich Can Fucking Act (@wen-kexing-apologist)

Revisiting episode 8

Similarities between Lomfon and Tai (@iguessitsjustme)

Tai and Patt’s incompatible conflict styles and Tais’ conflict avoidance (@ginnymoonbeam)

The Depths of Inner Turmoil (@syrena-del-mar)

The Soulmate Label (@indigostarfire)

Understanding the Core Four of La Pluie (@neuroticbookworm)

Episode 11

Balancing Self-Absorption and Love in La Pluie (@syrena-del-mar)

Checking in on the colors (@respectthepetty)

Connection (@wen-kexing-apologist)

Communication (@shouldiusemyname)

Even though they’ve separated it doesn’t mean they’ve failed (@chinzhilla)

It isn’t destiny- it’s freedom (@liyazaki)

La Pluie and the Aftermath

La Pluie: Thoughts on the Queer Subtext and More Patts Reflections (@bengiyo)

On Tai as a middle child of divorced parents (@slayerkitty)

On Tai’s special treatment within the family (@shortpplfedup)

Parenting in La Pluie, Episode 11 (@neuroticbookworm)

The narrative is letting Tai be unlikeable (@sunshinechay)

[bengiyo]

We Must All Get Louder and Gayer About La Pluie Immediately

I understand that this show only airs on iQIYI and that most of us canceled that after KinnPorsche and/or Love in the Air, but I’m gonna need y’all to re-up those subscriptions and get on this train right now. This and Step By Step have been some of the most intriguing romance explorations we’ve had in the realm of Thai BL in a long time, and you are missing out on this incredibly breakdown of the soulmate and fast romance tropes that I’ve ever experienced.

I’ve seen some consternation about whether this show is honoring or defying conventions within romance and BL, and I don’t think that’s the most enjoyable way to engage with a piece of media in a mature genre. I think it’s more useful to ask questions like:

How is this show using those conventions?

What do these conventions fit?

What new things have we learned about ourselves or the genre as a result?

We’ve been unpacking the soulmate idea from the very beginning (@lurkingshan). The show upended our expectations about that from the opening scenes by showing us a romantic man who doubts in his own romantic destiny because his parents divorced. The show has then gone on to state quite plainly that it believes that the hearing loss connection is entirely coincidental, and that what people do in their relationships with other people is what matters the most.

We are sitting in the audience, and so we know that this is a romance. We fully understand that Tai and Patts will more than likely be together at the end of this story. What that knowledge and expectation allows the show to poke at the development of relationships in dramas. The characters are in a slow burn romance, but everyone in their lives doesn’t think they should be! That’s been incredibly fascinating because we so often see BL characters rushed into a relationship with each other that we are always surprised when they aren’t (Bad Buddy, My School President, Bed Friend). It’s been incredibly enjoyable for me to see a romance refuse to rush their characters into commitment with each other.

My good friend @lurkingshan wrote about this subversion of tropes and expectations this morning as they pertain to Lomfon. She makes the point that we expected Lomfon to be a bigger factor going into episode 7 than he was, and that’s also I think part of the point. He’s not a threat to the core romance, but he does have a role to play in this story. For me, I think he’s here to reinforce that skepticism and doubt are critical to making any sort of relationship or belief system function. Your ability to handle new challenges and things that confuse you are critical to being able to maintain a commitment. It doesn’t work if it’s forced.

As for misunderstandings, this show also continues to be intentional about this. As far back as episode 4, Dream chided Patts for not making things clear with Nara. Patts listened but hoped that his non-answer would be enough for Nara. Likewise, Bow has warned Tai twice about Lomfon’s clear desire for him, and how by not making things clear Tai may also face difficulties.

This comes to a head this week with Nara. I agree with @ginnymoonbeam that Nara’s return lets the narrative blow up Tai’s uncertainties he’s left bubbling since the beginning. I personally love Nara’s reintroduction here because Tai is romantic and because he genuinely seemed to like Nara. He liked that she still knew how to take care of her ex. He liked the determination she showed to travel all the way to Chiang Mai to pursue him. He was rooting for her! Even if he misunderstands the kiss, it’s not really about the kiss. It’s about the fact that someone he admires cares for Patts, and he likely worries that he’s the reason they didn’t work out. He’s also still questioning if the mutual attraction between himself and Patts can be trusted.

Moving on to the intimacy, I wrote last week about the way this show has made it clear that these are two men interested in each other. Following up on that this week, we entered an incredible liminal space in their relationship. Patts signaled earlier in the episode when they first got to their room that he is hoping to pick up where they left off with their last intimate moment. Both went into this bed fully aware of the sexual tension between them.

Tai is the one who opens the door this time by first offering the massage and then initiating the kiss. Things heat up between them, with Tai again on top to remain in control of the situation, something @shouldiusemyname points out here. Tai once again asks Patts to stop when he moves to escalate the encounter, but Tai shows Patts that he is interested in him. He offers to help him out by performing the act that Patts was most certainly going to do last week. This is incredibly fascinating for me, because I have always asserted that bottoms are the ones in most control of an encounter. I do not read Tai choosing to take care of Patts as him giving up control in any way. In fact, it’s a way for him to further maintain it. He reassures Patts that he is happy to be here and lets them release the tension of the moment.

Also, I just absolutely lose it over the lip flick.

gif by @pharawee​

Once again, I cannot overstate how radical it is for me to see a show saying that the one performing the act is the one in control of the encounter, and has the character who’s feeling unsure use that as a way to explore their own feelings. Tai needed to know that he likes making Patts happy. Please list the other BLs that have done this with sex in the notes. It’s not very often we get this!

Also, look at this man. This is not the face of a man who is being coerced. This is the afterglow of two people navigating their intimate relationship (@ginnymoonbeam).

He’s literally rubbing his hand because as they spoon because he’s so relieved.

I also just absolutely love Patts. I love that he keeps leaving notes for Saengtai to make sure he knows where they are.

Look at him walking around the next morning. He seems pleased...like a man can seem pleased.

We just never get this kind of stuff in genre. This is a classic romance of the Nora Roberts variety that’s allowing us to show two men navigating their romance and intimacy on their terms while also showing that even fated mates must be good partners to each other. This is a story that loves romance and loves the conventions of the drama. It is approaching each thread with clear-eyed conviction, and we as queer viewers deserve this.

So, I’m going to need you all to get louder, weirder, and gayer about this show. We gotta get more people on this one. We can’t let this show be forgotten because it’s not on YouTube.

Once again, thank you for coming to my post.

tagging @wen-kexing-apologist​ and @kyr-kun-chan​ for all the conversation we’ve had about this show.

[heretherebedork]

My favorite part of this is that Lomfon tries to do the big romantic moment with making the movie about Tien and all Tien wants is the words. Tien just wants a confession, something straightforward, and Lomfon struggles with that.

But once Tien is clear about what he needs... Lomfon provides. The real confession, the clear one, the making of a real choice and not hiding from it. No hiding behind videos, no hiding behind unclear choices, just the real truth.

Because he doesn't just confess, he explains. He tells Tien what happened and he's clear and nothing is left up to chance, nothing left in silence (Tien knows silence too well, he will not have silence in his relationship).

I love Tien's slow realization that this is real and that he's being chosen and how he slowly, slowly comes to believe what's happening and it's beautiful.

But this just reminds me of how Tien was left outside after the fight in the rain so of course the true confession has to happen outside. Tien wants everything out in the open! He wants to be honest and for people around him to be honest and for relationships to be about open, honest communication. And that's what he finally gets.

And he finally says everything he needed to say, to explain his feelings and to finally unfuck it.

The final call to a choice. A call of being chosen. Because that is what Tien has always wanted. To be chosen.

But also Lomfon promised a practical confession but it's Tien who grabbed him and kissed him senseless once he was sure he was chosen.

Bonus: Height difference = 💖

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Hands in La Pluie Ep 7

Before I begin if you aren’t watching La Pluie, you should be, between the mature, adult sexual encounters and the way they handle soulmates, there are a lot of phenomenal subversions happening and it has been a beautiful thing to behold. 

With that out of the way…

Last week I wrote about the hands in La Pluie Episode 6, so it should come as no surprise to you that I will be, yet again, writing about the hands in La Pluie. This time, I will only be focusing on that Patts and Tian scene because by God were hands flying.

(@magpie24601 I have not forgotten about your ask, but I will not be able to get around to answering until probably some time next week.)

To begin we start with Tai and Patts completely covered, no hands in sight, and a safe distance between them, not touching. Patts rolls over, awake cause he’s physically uncomfortable, his muscles sore but keeps his hands covered. He does not touch Tai, he does not try to cuddle with Tai, now that he’s shifted position. He respects and maintains the boundary Tai set earlier in their trip when he walked away from Patts attempts to be physically affectionate/intimate.

We don’t know if they had any conversations off-screen or not, but what we do know is that Patts may be stirring now too, but Tai is wide awake. Now, watching Tai’s face as Patts turns over in bed is intriguing to me, because I think that Tai is expecting Patts to initiate physical touch in this moment. Tai feels Patts stirring and is waiting for an arm to snake it’s way over this torso…which is why Tai turns to face Patts when Patts settles back down.

I’m thinking about vertical lines and how they can be used in visual mediums to indicate a boundary between two characters. Now, this one is a bit less obvious, but if you look between the thin trip of white, the gaps between the pillows, and the indent in the duvet, a line between Patts and Tai is formed. 

But this boundary is completed by fabric, something that is easy to fold or manipulate. If Tai wanted to maintain this boundary between him and Patts, he could have stayed on his side, with his back to Patts and Patts would never have known Tai was awake. But instead, Tai turns to look at Patts and acknowledge the fact that they are both conscious. Patts sits up, and the bed sheet folds over, eliminating the boundary between them. He apologizes because he thinks his movements are why Tai is awake, but Tai tells him he can’t sleep. Tai offers no further explanation for why he can’t sleep, but based on what happens next, and based on Patt’s earlier physical affection and Tai’s response to it, I think Tai is hyper aware of the fact that Patts is laying right next to him. 

Patts however, does offer an explanation, telling Tai that his muscles are sore from working. Something I take to be Patts telling Tai that he genuinely was shifting cause he was uncomfortable and not because he was trying to start any funny business with Tai. But Tai wants physical contact and so he is the one that has to offer it, in the form of a massage. 

God, they are so fucking cute

And look! The boundary line is gone, Patts is resting his head in Tai’s lap and smiling like a doofus cause the only thought in his head is that Tai is really cute. Tai’s hands enter the scene, but Patts’ remain hidden, he is moving at Tai’s pace and therefore content to lay here, with Tai initiating contact. 

Then we get a huge step for Tai, he bends down to kiss Patts. Now, in Episode 4 we see Tai be the one to start the kiss with Patts, but there he is drunk, and therefore not as in his head about what is happening. But sober Tai has been a lot more hesitant, Tai’s no blushing maiden, he’s just more uncertain about how to proceed when he’s in control of the thoughts in his head.

And Patts responds, sitting upright, verbally stating that Tai started this, and then going in for a kiss. Something that I have loved about all of Patts and Tai’s kisses so far is that when Patts is the one about to kiss, he brings himself close to Tai and then waits for Tai to meet him. He did it in Episode 6, Patts initiates that kiss by bringing his head slightly closer to Tai, and then Tai gets the message and responds. Tai starts the upside down kiss, but then Patts sits up, exposing his hands, and says “you teased me first,” goes in for a kiss and again waits for Tai to meet him. 

When the camera moves away from the wide shot, we see Patts hand slide to Tai’s thigh, then to his waist. Patts is testing the waters to get a sense of where Tai is in this moment.

Gif from @wanderlust-in-my-soul

And Tai reciprocates Patts touch, starting at his arm and then sliding his way up in to Patts hair, and then his throat.

Now, remember where we were last week with Tai and touch. He sticks mostly to Patts’ back, his fingers are straight, he uses his palm, when they switch positions, Tai’s hand stays on Patts’ back or on the ground, we don’t see him play much with pressure or sensation. But our boy was taking notes or something cause this time he has radically altered his approach to touching Patts. 

His other hand slides up to hook itself around Patts shoulder. Patts has through this point kept his hands relatively in the same position at Tai’s waist.

Patts applies pressure, pushing Tai, you can see his wrist bend from the effort of it, a suggestion to move closer.

Gif from @wanderlust-in-my-soul (Side note: obsessed with Patts kissing Tai's nose)

The shirt comes off, and Tai has to let go of Patts, lifting his arms to allow Patts to strip him. But the enthusiasm is there, Tai is straight up having a good time, so those arms go right back where he wants them. He hooks his arm around Patts neck to steady himself and is finally able to respond to Patts’ physical request: move closer, by pulling himself in to Patts’ lap

And we get to see the aspects of their physicality that run inherent to their character:

Gif from @wanderlust-in-my-soul

This is the second time we have seen Tai in this position, and both times he has let his hands lay relaxed, fingers slightly curled at Patts’ back.

Gif from @wanderlust-in-my-soul

And this is the second time we see Patts' fingers curled, scratching down Tai’s back.

But we also begin to see where these two encounters differ. Tai slides his fingers back in to Pat’s hair.

And Patts?

I’m sure no one needed an excuse to go back and watch these scenes, but if you watch Episode 6’s make out session and then you watch Episode 7’s you will see the difference in how Patts approaches intensity. In Episode 6 when he is the person who started the kiss, he is always moving slow and being gentle with Tai. His hands are easy to follow, he scratches down the length of Tai’s back, he slowly pushes Tai’s shirt up. In the Episode 6 scene, Patts is proceeding with caution because while Tai has consented to this encounter, because Patts started it, he can’t be positive how much Tai is a) pushing a comfort zone, b) ready for, and c) willing to do during that encounter. 

In Episode 7, while Patts starts out their make out in the same way, slowly, gently, cautiously, the knowledge that Tai was the person to initiate the intimacy and the continued enthusiasm from Tai makes Patts comfortable with ramping up the intensity. 

Where before, in Episode 6, we could easily follow the path of Patts hands, now his movements are frenetic, jumping all over Tai’s body with no rhyme or reason, no set or anticipated path jumping from Tai’s back to Tai’s chest to Tai’s arm to his neck.

Gif from @gunsatthaphan

Now, last time these two made out Patts was already conveniently shirtless, but this time.

Patts starts taking off his shirt, and Tai wants these clothes off. Tai’s hands slide that shirt up and over, and then Tai’s hands go straight to Patt’s torso.

And then moves back up to Patts shoulder

Before doing another thing we have not seen Tai consciously do before…

…play with pressure. This man squeezes Patts’ shoulder like he’s trying to make orange juice from scratch, and then it is off to the fucking races for these two. They become a mess of hands and arms and elbows, and I literally have 80 screen shots in my La Pluie Episode 7 folder of just this makeout scene, and many of them are unusable in this essay because my fast key screenshot camera still can’t keep up with where their hands are.

This is mostly a side note, but I just find the framing of this shot and the shapes Patts and Tai’s bodies make to be beautiful. No, wait, I’ve got it! Look at the way their arms are. Now, @respectthepetty is the one who taught me to look out for dividing and connecting lines in shows, and well, teach, by golly I’ve got it. 

Remember how in the beginning I mentioned the very subtle dividing line that is formed by the wall, pillow, and bed sheet? 

Here we have a very subtle connecting line, the way Tai grabs Patts’ bicep creates a straight line that connects Tai and Patts together. 

They are matching energy, Tai is gripping Patts like that because he is pulling Patts a little bit closer to him, 

I love that we have an episode to episode comparison of their intimate moments because as I’ve already said, in Episode 6 Patts does everything slow and soft. When he pulls up Tai’s shirt he presses quick but soft kisses there. He moves up and down Tai’s body in a relatively straight line, not spending a lot of time/focus in one particular area of Tai’s body.

Gif from @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Episode 7 though? Patts starts kissing hard and he starts focusing more on particular areas of Tai’s body. His lips, obviously, but as he goes to increase the intensity of his kisses, he moves down Tai’s neck and settles at his pecs. I know he would have stayed on Tai’s right pec for longer if Tai hadn’t pushed him away. 

Camera zooms out a bit, and we see Tai breathless and looking at Patts. Tai started to feel himself slipping away in to bliss and realized that if this continued there was only one outcome. He knows he isn’t ready for it, so he interrupts the vibe to try to slow things down. Patts hasn’t quite caught up yet, so his hands slide down to Tai’s pants and start to tug. He wants to pick up where he left off last time. But again, Tai isn’t ready, and it speaks to the maturity of this relationship already that Tai is completely comfortable voicing that. Knowing that he is the one that initiated the intimacy. (That being said, to parallel Episode 6 and Episode 7 again, last episode Patts also started and stopped the intimacy.)

The change in their make out session between Episode 6 and Episode 7 shows that Tai wants to deepen their relationship, wants to take things with Patts to a different level, but he’s still unable to make himself trust Patts fully, to make himself believe in the soul mate theory fully. He spent years of his life refusing to speak to this man in front of him because he had become so disillusioned with the idea of soulmates after his parent’s divorce. As @lurkingshan said in her post “[Tai’s] brain, body, and heart are all pointing straight at Patts, but he’s afraid to trust it because Patts is tangled up with his confused feelings about this supposed destiny.”

So Tai tells Patts he isn’t ready, and Patts stops, and he is once again allowed to be frustrated. He doesn’t push, he doesn’t complain, you can mostly just see the disappointment and it truly is, in my mind, very sweet and precious that these two are already so comfortable with each other that Patts tries to cool down by resting his head on Tai’s chest and breathing.

And again, looking at the hands here, Tai is doing something incredibly similar with these soft gentle finger strokes across Patts’ neck as he did across Patts’ back when Patts stopped their make out session last episode.

“Can I help you, then?” Tai asks, knowing that Patts is horny, enthusiastic, and has been waiting seven years to meet a soulmate that refused to speak to him. 

After denying Patts the simple pleasure of having someone out there to keep him company in the silence for two years, Tai wants to give pleasure to Patts. 

And as much as Patts wants to give pleasure to Tai, and as much as Patts wants to prove to Tai that he is committed to Tai’s happiness, as obviously sexually frustrated as he has been in these last two moments of intimacy, he still checks in with Tai. 

“Tai, are you sure about doing this?” 

Patts has honestly been batting pretty close to a thousand in terms of getting enthusiastic consent before engaging in intimacy.

Gif from @pharawee

And Tai’s response is to pull Patts upward, to ground him in the moment with a hand to his hip, a point of connection which Patts reciprocates with his own touch, a gentle thumb brushing across Tai’s shoulder.

Gif from @pharawee

A gentle thumb brushing across Tai’s lips

And going back to what I mentioned before about the differences in Episode 6 and Episode 7, when Tai suggests he help, and when he starts untying Patts’ shorts, Patts once again reverts back to slow, and patient, and gentle. He has gotten consent from Tai, he has gotten confirmation from Tai, but it is not lost on him that Tai has just said that he wasn’t ready to receive pleasure, and Patts may be worrying that Tai feels like Patts is owed something because he did not consent to an escalation of intimacy. 

And while yes, starting an intimate moment may just inherently start of slow, it is just a pattern I am noting about when and where Patts and Tai lose control of their desire and embrace it full force

And ultimately it works out, Tai finds pleasure in giving Patts pleasure even if he himself is not ready to receive it. 

And Tai gets what he wanted out of this whole thing, which is Patts, cuddled up next to him, his arm draped across Tai’s side.

And I love that we end on this little moment of Tai stroking the top of Patts’ hand after pulling it closer to him.

I love this show and how it handles the ideas of romance and intimacy. We know from how devastated Tai was at his parent's divorce and from the Nora Roberts book that Tai is a romantic. And while some of this relationship with Patts has been able to carry those same romantic vibes, there have been a number of practical, realistic elements to their interactions as well: Patts and Tai discuss some of their needs from very early on, Patts meets some of Tai's family from very early on, Tien is already thinking of Patts as his brother in law, because unlike a typical burgeoning romance, whether or not they stay together they will be in each other's lives forever.

But the sex? That stays real. Tai initiates a kiss and then falls asleep and Patts stops, and Patts makes Tai feel comfortable with waking up in an unfamiliar place by letting him know that nothing uncouth happened. Patts initiates a more intense make out session with Tai and stops himself because he realizes that Tai is caught up in a moment and may not be ready, and Tai both enjoyed that moment with Patts and is embarassed about it afterward, Tai initiates what I think he intended to be his first sexual encounter with Patts, realizes that he isn't ready for what Patts wants to do and negotiates a solution that still allows them both to elevate their physical relationship.

(also tagging @bengiyo in this cause I cited his work)

[neuroticbookworm]

La Pluie: Fuck Destiny, Communication is Key

I’m a full week late to the party because I was watching I Told Sunset About You last week and my mind just refused to focus on anything else. And now I’m finally here to write a send-off post to my beloved La Pluie, which gave me one of the most satisfying and interactive TV show experiences of my life.

I’ve been singing praises for this show’s writing for weeks now, and what better way for me to say goodbye to the show than by analyzing two immaculately written getting-back-together scenes from the finale?

Lomfon and Tien

When we last saw Lomfon in the penultimate episode, he apologized to Tai for kissing him in the rain and effectively kick-starting this whole mess. We also saw how he has worked through his feelings and understands that whatever he felt for Tai is not love; it was only rooted in Tai’s goodwill towards him, a few shared traits between him and Tai, and the fact that Tai saved his life by pushing him out of the way of a moving vehicle (a 15 second interaction, I will never get over this insanity). And Lomfon says that all this experimentation has made it clear to him where his heart actually lies.

And now, in the finale, Lomfon is working on the script for his “A Message from the Heart” project and seeking advice from Pingpong.  We see that he fully understands how much he has hurt Tien with his actions. He tells Pingpong “I messed up so much that if I were him, I would never forgive myself”. Tien overhears them and confronts Lomfon, demanding to know if he’s messing with him. “Say it”, he shouts. But Lomfon does not respond, instead insisting that he will “show him with his actions”. And Tien walks away.

This is where I realized that this show is gonna really dig in its heels and fully emphasize how much open and honest communication matters in a relationship. Love can be expressed in so many different ways, and a person’s love language is definitely unique and significant to them. But when words are DEMANDED from you, you must respond with them. You cannot work around the painful and brutal honesty that is needed to form those thoughts, and the strength and bravery needed to stand in front of the person and utter those words.

That’s why Tien walks away from Lomfon when he insists that he will “show him” instead. And that’s why he leaves the room when Lomfon’s project video starts playing. Bear in mind, as far as Tien is concerned, Lomfon still likes his brother. Lomfon has not clarified or explained anything that would justify why Tien was on that presentation screen. So when he asks demands Lomfon, and Lomfon once again tells him that he showed his heart through his actions, Tien turns to walk away. It’s when he finally opens his mouth and starts verbalizing his desire, his fears, his confusion, and his guilt, Tien stops and listens. And when Lomfon asks him what Tien feels in his heart and if he still wants to follow it, Tien finally turns around and kisses him (I will be forever obsessed with the tippy toes).

gif by @liyazaki

I adore the fact that this show never outright rejects any form of expressing love. While Tien rejected actions from Lomfon before he made his intentions clear with words, we see that after Lomfon’s confession, Tien feels no qualms in resorting to a grand and sweeping gesture, like an intense kiss that definitely popped Lomfon’s foot (the foot pop is not purely a physical act, it is a state of mind, The Princess Diaries analogy is still right and valid, I will take no critiques).

Patts and Tai

The road to redemption for Tai is much longer and harder than it was for Lomfon, and the show fully leaned into it and showed us the weight of emotional turmoil Tai must endure to finally earn forgiveness from Patts. We see him have an epiphany about how his lack of communication with Patts mirrors his mom’s approach with him (@lurkingshan). We see him finally talk to Dream, who reiterates that Patts liked Tai before he knew that they were soulmates. And we see Tai take the leap of faith and catch a flight to Chiang Mai to find Patts. My love for this show grew to uncontrollable levels when it did not let Tai find Patts immediately.

He roams the streets, day after day, trying to find the love of his life. And when he comes back to his room every evening, exhausted and alone, he sits in the dark and contemplates how painfully lonely it feels to find and communicate with someone, when your efforts don’t seem to move the needle at all. And realizing this is exactly how Patts must’ve felt in the two years of silence Tai decided to put him through. He meets Art and Phueng, who teach him, yet again, just how important it is to talk and listen to each other in a relationship. And finally, on Day 4 of his quest, Tai runs into Patts on the streets of the local marketplace.

When Tai sees Patts, Patts looks like the mere husk of the man he once was. And Tai wastes no time and starts talking immediately, asking Patts to stay silent so this time, he can be the one who speaks out his love for him. Tai admits that he was stupid and selfish in their relationship. He says “Love is about two people. It does not need destiny to pave”. And he finally, finally says “I love you, Patts. I don’t care if it rains or not. I do love you no matter what happens”. And we see Patts wrap Tai into his body and promise to never let go of him again.

gif by @liyazaki

Now, I have to stop and give Title Tanatorn all the flowers in the world for his outstanding performance in this episode (and the show as a whole). He made me feel Tai’s soul-crushing pain and sadness, and also soothed my tender and bruised heart in the span of mere minutes. This scene was the culmination of Tai’s character development arc. He went from a guy who felt so jaded about love and relationships that he had been ghosting his soulmate for two whole years, to a guy who stood weeping in the middle of the road, pouring his heart out to Patts who only wanted Tai to love him back the way he loved him. And Title Tanatorn fucking nailed it.

And Pee Peerawich is no slouch either, as my boo @wen-kexing-apologist has already established, here. In the finale, he delivers a sublime, understated performance that does not take the spotlight away from Tai, while also perfectly reflecting Patts’ emotions on his face during Tai’s confession. These actors are so incredibly talented and did everything they can to augment the brilliant work of the writers of this show. Y’all have my attention, Tanachot Prapasri and Fuke Teerapat. I will diligently show up to watch your future works, even if it’s just your grocery lists dramatized into a TV show (shoutout to @so-much-yet-to-learn, who, when I voiced this statement, immediately and unironically piped up “Have you heard of this show called Ingredients?”. My BL buddies are hilarious as fuck and I will never be not impressed by the lengths Thai BLs would go to sell stuff to the masses).

Finally, I want to focus on a moment in the finale that kinda threw me off at first but, as the days passed, slowly grew into its significance. Dream tells Tai that Patts left with one last message: “I believe in soulmates. Saengtai is my soulmate”. Isn’t that.. weird? We know that Patts has openly stated before in this show that he wanted to defy destiny, and how his love for Tai is not just because he is his soulmate. For him to state this in the final episode seemed like an odd writing choice.

But, in the final voiceover, the show tells us (through Tai’s voice) that no one chooses to find an answer (to the hearing-loss-soulmate phenomenon) anymore. Instead, the people in this world are choosing to attribute whatever meaning they want to it. We have seen Patts say that Tai is his soulmate many times throughout this show, but he doesn’t mean it in its traditional sense; he means “I love Saengtai and I believe that I can’t live without him, which makes him my soulmate”. He paves his own way, and earnestly believes that Tai is his soulmate not just because they can hear each other when it rains, but because Tai understands and completes him and they find happiness in each other's company. In short: Fuck Destiny.

Since we were teased with a setup for a potential second season, I want to wrap up this post with a smattering of potential scenarios that have borrowed into my brain:

@bengiyo gleefully pointed out that when Lomfon suggests that he and Tien wait for another five minutes before going back into the classroom, so Tien won’t be forced to watch his embarrassingly sappy video, more than five minutes has already passed since they had walked out. Which means that Lomfon made a 10+ minutes long video of just Tien being cute and giggly and adorable. I love this over-the-top, madly-in-love Lomfon and I better get many, many more moments of him being pathetically sappy about Tien in the next season

I want the Patts-Saengnuea moment recreated beat by beat, including the sunglasses flip. If I don’t see Saengnuea on his tippy toes, menacingly lean into Lomfon’s ear and threaten him with bodily harm if he ever hurts his little brother, then what’s even the fucking point?

The comedic potential of Lomfon being forced to socialize with Patts, while he tries to make himself as small and unassuming as physically possible is a treasure trove and must be treated by the writers as such. The possibilities are endless. Warun and Saengchan would be menaces, trying to cook up situations that would force them together. Tai and Tien would act exasperated, while secretly enjoying the shenanigans. Gimme all of it.

My experience of watching this show is indelibly tied to all the wonderful metas I read here. The sense of community around this show’s discourse was incredible and a joy to be part of. Thank you to all the amazing humans who decided to be very not-chill and not-normal about this show: @bengiyo, @shortpplfedup, @ginnymoonbeam, @wen-kexing-apologist, @liyazaki, @respectthepetty, @syrena-del-mar, @chickenstrangers, @rocketturtle4, @williamrikers, @shouldiusemyname, @sunshinechay, @slayerkitty, @indigostarfire, @iguessitsjustme and I know I’m missing many more, sorry! And a special, with-cherries-on-top shoutout to @lurkingshan for putting the La Pluie meta roundup together, and encouraging people to participate in the discourse. Peace out, homies! And as always, FUCK DESTINY!

gif by @ueasking

[liyazaki]

break your own chains

Tai literally breaking any hold 'destiny' may have had over him through sheer force of will- through all-important choice- was so genius, I'm almost mad I didn't see it coming.

the "are soulmates real? is there a logical explanation?" debate couldn't matter less anymore, because Tai. didn't. choose. it.

all this time, this hearing loss that's been plaguing him- it's gone. just like that. it's got to feel like you've been holding the key to your own prison all along. all he had to do was choose- for himself. what a terrible, beautiful, true-to-life thing.

& it says something bigger to me, too- about the cages our environments & societies put us in. sometimes, we don't even realize we're trapped until we're struggling against our restraints. Tai found his power in his pain & broke through to the other side- to autonomy. by choosing himself, he also freed Patts & Lomfon (whether they realize it or not).

I couldn't have written a "plot twist" more true to the messaging of this story if I tried.

[syrena-del-mar]

La Pluie meets Nora Roberts

This week we open up with a shot of Saengtai (who is slowly learning to believe that maybe having a "soulmate" isn't all that bad) reading Nora Roberts.

Now as a former teen Nora Roberts aficionado, I immediately clocked that Tai was reading the first two books of her MacKade Brother quadrology. For those that are unfamiliar with Nora Roberts and this series, it revolves around four brothers, with each brother having their own, separate novel. So it's a little on the nose that Saengtai would be reading this series out of the numerous ones that Nora Roberts has published, especially the books that are based on the oldest and second oldest of the four brothers.

All four novels of the MacKade brothers takes place in Antietam, which if you have any knowledge on the American Civil War, you will likely recognize for being home one of the bloodiest battles of the war. While each brother and their lovers attempt to forge a connection, there is a supernatural element with the restless souls that still haunt Antietam.

The one that Tai was reading was one Robert's bundles, which included only the first two novels, centering around the first two brothers, Rafe and Jared.

I'm going to give a brief synopsis of both books below, before doing a bare minimum dive of the significance I think La Pluie was attempting to draw.

The Return of Rafe MacKade

Here, the main protagonist is Rafe MacKade, who had left his hometown years prior after making a name for himself as the handsome, hot-headed, rebellious, good-for-nothing second-oldest MacKade brother. He's the black-sheep out of the four brothers, yet the incident which drove him away from Antietam, 10 years prior to his return, was one where he was attempting to protect a woman from her abusive boyfriend so he turned to punching the crap out of the man; but y'know how rumors develop in small towns. He returns to his hometown after 10 years as a successful businessman, something that townsfolk couldn't believe which shut them up about all the gossip they used to spread about him. He buys the local haunted house to turn it into a B&B, which in doing so leads him to meet his heroine, Regan, an antique dealer that is helping him decorate the B&B.

At first glance, Rafe and Regan seem to be complete opposites, with Rafe being a 'rough-around-the edges' type of guy and Regan, an elegant and classy dame. Rafe, while being the typical loud-mouth 'alpha-male' guy that is stereotypical in 20th century novellas, you come to find out is just a guy that is unable to fully articulate his own emotions and understand his developing feelings for Regan. Regan, on the other hand, for all her elegance, is a bit arrogant and unapologetically opinionated and definitely not looking to get into a steady relationship, much less with Rafe. They're both two incredibly stubborn individuals that are always butting heads, which leads to both miscommunication and a lack of communication, but they slowly start to learn that they actually need each other, even if they try to deny it.

The Pride of Jared MacKade

The second book revolves around Jared MacKade, who currently works as an attorney who, unlike his hot-headed brother Rafe, is much more level-headed and collected, yet just as prone to being purposefully ignorant to his romantic emotions. Jared is the oldest of the four brothers and had previously been married but ended up divorced, which lead to his distaste and shrewdness when it came to love. His story with his lead, Savannah, first starts when he meets her to let her know that her father had left her some inheritance. Savannah, having been disowned by her father as a teen and kicked to the curb due to her pregnancy, understandably pissed and initially wants nothing to with Jared.

Both Jared and Savannah are stubborn as mules, but their instant connection was undeniable. Jared was a traditionalist in love, which created some conflict due to Savannah's past and what she had to do as a teen mom to survive. The connection between them was palpable, within their second meeting they were already all over each other, making out. Yet, for all their connection, they're both initially a bit skeptical of doing more than toying around. Both Jared and Savannah had to overcome their own obstacles, Jared and his prejudice and Savannah and her hidden insecurities (that arose when she started to work alongside Regan), but despite their rocky road with love, they find a way to make it work.

La Pluie in connection to Rafe and Jared

There are some very obvious parallels that I believe La Pluie is attempting to draw with having Saengtai reading the MacKade tetralogy, but I also think there are some running themes that may be hinting at the future development for our Saeng brothers and their love interests, Phat and Lomfon.

First, the obvious parallel of the four MacKade brothers with the four Saeng brothers.

Second, the first novel, I'd like to argue, seems to hint at the future for Lomfon and Saengtien. From what we've seen so far, much like Rafe MacKade, Saengtien is perceived by almost everyone in his life to be brash, hot-headed, and rather incompetent. We've seen this from how Tien's own mother treats him and even from how Lomfon treated him in the first couple of episodes. Similar to Rafe's brashness, Tien's own brashness tends to spill out either in protection of his family, particularly Tai, or in the midst of his own confusion regarding what he wants. And just like Rafe, Tien is only starting to learn to comprehend the feelings that he's developing when he's with Lomfon. Tien has taken it upon himself to be the backbone for Tai and his family, that in turn he has sacrificed a part of himself. Instead he turns to his brashness as a mechanism to appease everyone, a shield and a distraction of the pain that he is also incurring while caring for everyone.

Lomfon on the other hand, while he seems to have a good grasp of his own self, seeing how he works independently but never seems to be ostracized, rather (seemingly) he chooses who he surrounds himself with, he also hides himself. Lomfon, similar to Regan is opinionated, especially when it comes to the idea that the one you hear during the rain is your soulmate. I'm sure in a society that has attempted to find reasoning to the deafness, that sentiment is likely taboo to express, yet he's willing to against the norm to create his own happiness, much like Regan did in opening her antique shop.

If Rafe's story is anything to go by, I wouldn't be surprised to see Lomfon strongly denying his developing feelings regarding Tien, as he's still primarily focused on Tai. Lomfon's seems to be developing some kind of feelings towards Tien, if the small head caresses and playing with Tien's hair is anything to go by. His feelings towards Tien seem to be slowly developing, even if he doesn't fully realize it. Meanwhile, I think it'll take Tien something big or in the heat of passion to get him to confess to Lomfon his growing feelings, especially once he realizes that Lomfon wants to get in between Tai and Phat. Tien, the ever-sacrificial loving brother that he is, will always put Tai and his happiness over his own, even if that means that he has to argue and destroy his budding friendship with Lomfon.

Tien let's himself be still, let's go of his prickly exterior, only when he's around Lomfon. He needs Lomfon, to provide the quiet energy that allows Tien to just exist for himself and nobody else. Now it's time for Lomfon to figure out how and why he needs Tien as well.

Frenemies-to-lovers is sometimes an even longer slow-burn than enemies-to-lovers, but it's okay, we can play the long game. I have hope that they'll get there.

Thirdly, the parallel of Jared and Saengtai, really comes to their demeanors and their anxiety that develops from impressions of failed love, yet they are still classic romantics at heart. Saengtai, similar to Jared in the beginning of his book, has been burned by the illusions of love. Yet, both, once they meet their soulmates, instantly feel some level of attraction to them. Their attraction is palpable to both of them, but attempting to overcome their own fears and prejudices, even when everything seems to be outwardly alright, can rock the boat.

It's going to be interesting here to see if Phat has some hidden insecurities that arise when he realizes that he has some potential competition. That just maybe Saengtai could be swayed by the man who shares the same interests and that solely being his soulmate may not be enough, even if, for all intents and purposes, he may be the right person for Tai.

Phat and Saengtai obviously feel a spark and found an immediate connection, but it'll be interesting to see if their relationship will end up in shambles, like Tai's parents, or will their bond only serve to be strengthened beyond the idea of just being soulmates.

[the-conversation-pod]

Adult Swim

We originally planned to talk about Step by Step during Work, Bitch, and Nini hadn't planned to watch La Pluie until the fall. However, because all of us refused to give up on La Pluie, Nini joined us around episode 8. Both of these shows inspired more writing than we've seen since the heyday of Bad Buddy or I Told Sunset About You. Surface-level engagement was all-but-impossible with either of these shows, and honestly wrung us out more than we were expecting.

It's time for the kids to get out of the pool for the grown folks to talk as Ben and Nini open their third eyes and discuss Step by Step and La Pluie.

Listen on Apple Podcasts!

Listen on Google Podcasts!

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond to chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

0:00 - Welcome 1:15 - Intro 2:08 - Step by Step 4:40 - Step by Step: A Moment of Simping 8:40 - Step by Step: Big Themes 16:52 - Step by Step: The Romance 25:45 - Step by Step: Story Execution 50:25 - Step by Step: Where are we on Tee Bundit? 53:10 - La Pluie 57:50 - La Pluie: The Soulmate Myth 1:08:22 - La Pluie: Lomfon is Rude! 1:13:30 - La Pluie: Tai Also Deserves Some Smoke 1:18:26 - La Pluie: Tai’s Dad Read as Queer 1:20:48 - La Pluie: The Romance 1:32:06 - La Pluie: Depiction of Male Anger 1:35:50 - La Pluie: Treatment of Nara 1:40:47 - La Pluie: The Side Characters 1:44:02 - La Pluie: Sequel Potential 1:46:01 - Outro

The Conversation: Now With Transcripts!

We received an accessibility request to include transcripts for the podcast. We are working with @ginnymoonbeam on providing the transcripts and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes. When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

0:00 - Welcome

Nini

Hello, hello! Your QL fandom aunty and uncle are here with giant sunglasses, brown liquor in a flask, a folded five-dollar bill to slip into your hand when no one is looking, lukewarm takes, occasional rides on the discourse, deep dives into artistry and the industry.

Ben

Lots of simping! I’m Ben.

Nini

I’m Nini.

Ben

And this is The Conversation. About once a season, we plan to swan in and shoot the shit on faves, flops, and trends that we’ve been noticing in the BL, GL, or QL Industry. Between seasons, you can find us typing way too many words on Tumblr.

1:15 - Intro

Nini

Hey Ben, what are we talking about tonight?

Ben

Tonight it's time for Adult Swim. Kids: out of the pool! This season led to so much more writing and meta than we've seen in a really long time. There was so much to say about both of these shows that we ended up needing to move both of these shows out of separate episodes and just shove them into one. 

Tonight we will be discussing Step by Step and La Pluie, and then we'll return with you all at the end with some final thoughts. Nini and I are bracing for this, because we have a lot to say to each other. [laughs]

Nini

This is gonna be round two of fight night apparently, not on everything but on some things. So you guys stay tuned and we'll see you at the end!

2:08 - Step by Step

Nini

Okay, Ben this time I got my eye black on for you. So let's talk Step by Step. Tell the people, what is Step by Step about?

Ben

Step by Step is a workplace drama that centers around a young man named Pat, who is maybe 25 — there was some confusion about that at the end?

Nini

Shade!

Ben

…who is returning to Thailand after completing some of his graduate studies, and is now working at a large corporation inside of an office tower. He is the low man on the totem pole in the sort of digital division of this corporation, and is having a very difficult time. Very early on, he has a kind of flirty interaction with the largest man who has ever existed in BL, and takes a shine to him, but is disappointed when he realizes he's his boss. 

Pat eventually ends up in conflict with his new boss whose name is Jeng…slowly the two of them start to work better together. Jeng ends up putting Pat in charge of a BL advertising project in a mostly queer team, and over the course of the show there ends up becoming this huge misunderstanding between the two of them about whether or not they're on a romantic arc, as the show is also unpacking a lot of really huge themes about where queer people do or don't fit in corporate structures that are more than willing to profit off of them, as Pat and Jeng try to figure out what their relationship is supposed to be.

Nini

I think that was a very fair précis of the plot of Step by Step.

Ben

If you're listening to us and you've watched Step by Step, you may be familiar with the fact that…reactions to the last arc of this show were mixed, to put it mildly. Nini and I ended up falling on opposite sides of the fence on this one, so we have a lot to unpack. 

4:40 - Step by Step: A Moment of Simping

Ben

I'm [gonna] let you have this part first: I want you to just go ahead and have your little fun before we get into the big stuff. We can begin with talking about Man Trisanu and how much you really enjoyed his performance.

Nini

His performance, yes, but before we get to his performance…I mean we say in the intro that there is lots of simping on this show, and I've been listening to our old episodes: we haven't simped nearly enough? So I'm just gonna do like a quick two minutes of absolute simping for Man Trisanu, because my god that man is large. That man is so large that for like the first three episodes, every time he came on screen, like my brain made like the boinga boinga boinga sound, like I could not actually focus [laughs] on what was happening — I had to watch episodes multiple times…

Ben

[laughs] She’s just posting awooga gifs in the chat all the time.

Nini

If I was the kind of person who would get embarrassed by this stuff I would have been embarrassed by the way I behaved. But I don't get embarrassed by this stuff, so I wasn't embarrassed by the way that I behaved looking at this man [laughs]...throughout, but especially in the first three episodes. I just kept staring at him. And then as we got like further and further into the show it was very clear that he's also a good actor, so I was invested in the character emotionally? But that also did not stop the fwarh noises in my brain. The man is large. And he's large and he's attractive. And he's large and he's attractive and he's talented. That's basically my kryptonite. 

That doesn't mean that I cannot be fair about the show—there are things that I'm gonna say about the show that are not complimentary, even though in the end—I'm just like skipping to the part where I score it, I gave it a 9—there are problems with the show, do not get me wrong. But overall, I found it incredibly enjoyable. And I can't lie to you: Man Trisanu was part of why I found it enjoyable. Not just because he is large and attractive but also because he is quite a good actor. Okay, so I got my yah yahs out.

Ben

Solid 20% of the chat is just Nini going: “THAT MAN IS BIG!”

[both laugh]

Nini

He’s a biggun! [both laugh] At one point I definitely just sent a voice message that said “Timberrrrr!”

Ben

It’s like, it would be Tuesday and everybody's in the chat just, “Lorge.” [laughs]

Ben

In terms of simping, I really like Ben Bunyapol’s work in this one. Nini and I tend to fall on opposite sides of the fence when it comes to…the guys we're attracted to in these shows? Unsurprisingly, she was super into Man and all of his work; I really liked a lot of stuff Ben was doing, and I like Nini's commentary that Ben is definitely someone's problem, right now.

Nini

Oh my god, somebody is staring at the ceiling up at night, like, thinking about Ben Bunyapol because that boy is…I mean, not my style, but I can appreciate good lookin’, I can. That is somebody's problem.

Ben

I really like what he was playing with in this. I really—we'll get into this when we talk about the queer themes in this—I really like the specific type of queerness he portrayed in this. And I know that must have been really difficult to hold with everything else he was doing on the show.

Nini

I concur, he also showed some talent. There’s quite a few newbies in this cast, Ben and Man are both newbies, and you see a little bit of that, but mostly they, I think they acquitted themselves very well.

8:40 -  Step by Step: Big Themes

Ben

Since we're disclosing our ratings early in this one: as you all know, Nini gives me a lot of shit on this show about how friendly I am to shows with my scoring? I gave this show a 7.5, because I think the problems in this show make it hard to recommend to people. And the more homework I feel like I have to give people, or pamphlets I have to hand out before they start watching, the harder it is for me to recommend. 

However, there are a lot of things to talk about in the show I think are good. And I think because it's Tee Bundit, and we have to talk about how much the sort of…irritated version of queerness that he's carrying around in his work comes through in his stuff? Think we should start with the big themes, because that's what he clearly cared about the most. So Nini, as someone who is thrilled with this show: what are the big themes you think that Tee is going for this time?

Nini

I mean, Tee is a guy who, kind of hits on the same themes in most of his work? And the themes that he likes to hit on are around like, queerness and capitalism, or like around the monetization of queerness and sort of juxtaposing it against the way that queer people are just kind of suffocating under this fog of homophobia. So that's like one of the things that he definitely gets into in this show, like all his other shows. 

Another thing that Tee is very into is playing with inside and outside, like perceptions of queer people and how queer people see themselves versus how the world sees them? I think that's a big thing. He loves a family dynamic where everybody knows but nobody says anything, that's another big theme that he's playing with in this. These are the things that show up over and over again in his work, that I tend to respond to. I find it really legible, so I quite enjoy it. 

What about you? What kinds of themes did you pick up on?

Ben

The big ideas, like core statements that I can read from this is that: corporations are more than willing to profit off of queer people. They absolutely want to use our talents, our social skills, our managerial skills, and our relationships as well as our lives…to sell shit. But they don't actually want us, particularly in positions of leadership. 

Another thing that comes through very clearly is that queer people cannot experience queer joy in environments that demand a very rigid form of conformity. And also, that everything that queer people want for themselves, including their joy, is not something you can have on the timeline of BL. It's going to take literally years for you to find your happiness. Which is so sad!

Nini

One of the things that I think we had discussed a little bit but didn't really delve into is that you feel a cynicism emanating off of Tee that you kind of don't like? I don't know if you wanted to get a little bit more into that, because we didn't really, like, discuss that too much.

Ben

Tee Bundit clearly—oh, there's a man I could simp for. [laughs] I think that man is very pretty, and I like how fucking angry he is all the time. [both laugh] 

So, Tee is a director who has a really strong eye. Don't know that he's found an editor who works well with him yet. Or has found a really good screenwriting team to hang out with? But he has a really strong eye, and he very clearly hated being on the TharnType set. That comes through so loudly in Lovely Writer, and you can see that this has affected the way he looks at being an adult professional in so many ways. 

Pat is so unhappy in this show. He's so stressed. And Jeng is also so unhappy, because he's so bottled up. It gets a little bit lost sometimes, how specifically pissed off Pat is about everything that's being thrown at him and expected of him. And you can feel that with Tee, that he has to…play to the proclivities of shipping culture, which he clearly despises.

Nini

He's made two shows about it now.

Ben

Quick aside about this, Tee leveled some I think fair criticism of BL as an industry, in that it is profiting off of the appearance of relationships of queer people, but they're all inherently fake, and they're meant to be fake. And apparently a certain set of fans did not agree or like that their ship was used as the example of this, and caused such a stink that they were forced to edit the episode and remove that commentary. And I don't know if this impacted later commentary that may have been in the show. I do not think it would have made the show more legible than it is? But Tee is just so irritated about the inescapability of heteronormativity in his professional life. 

You see this for Pat, who doesn't allow himself to even perceive Jeng as someone he could be with, because of the age difference, the class difference, the work difference…and the way that they are queer is very different from each other. You see this with Chot, who seems to be an incredibly talented individual, but is not someone apparently considered for middle to upper management in any way? You've got this with Jaab where he's just like ‘yeah I'm not playing that. I got money, I'm gonna do whatever the hell I want.’ 

It's so frustrating, because in this show towards the end sequence where they ask Pat to come back for one more ride to try and save this stupid department. They assemble a little team together of queers or queer-friendly people and they end up using everyone's queer adjacent skills in some way shape or form to sell, like, fucking gas stations? [laughs] So they end up having Pat's formerly shitty superior write like, a BL story about looking for, like, a specific fucking juice at the fucking gas station, so that Jaab can very publicly run around on Facebook looking for Jen, the side character he's also pursuing. And then to help pimp this out, they ask Pat to call his ex, who he doesn't want to engage with on this, to help sell this shit—who was also forced to go back into the closet so that he could pretend to be gay with his BL co-star. Which is insane.

Nini

Like when you say it out loud it's like, the levels of bullshit, like Tee is very much about piling on the bullshit. And he's like doing it and pointing to the audience and saying, ‘Look at this! Ain't this some shit? This is the kind of shit that we gotta deal with on the regular!’

Ben

I'm not even done! The head of the company baited them by stripping their marketing budget because he knew his son would use his own money to save this: creating a division between the gays because of lack of loyalty and such. And so like, that comes through fairly loudly. 

16:52 - Step by Step: The Romance

Ben

Part of where the struggle kicks in for me with this show is honestly with Pat and Jeng. Like, I have really strong positive feelings about Pat as a character, as an individual, and I have an incredible amount of feelings for Jeng as an individual—and I want to elaborate on those—but like Pat and Jeng as a unit, I feel, was super frustrating and really disappointing in this show, in a way that felt kind of pissy from Tee? Like I feel like…they don't feel satisfying on purpose. And that doesn't sit right with me, because of genre conventions and expectations. 

I'll let you talk about Pat and Jeng, because I think you feel a lot better about them than I did.

Nini

Yeah, because I think I had different expectations. I definitely took in at the beginning, or before the beginning of the show, some of the stuff around the show where Tee was very clearly saying this isn't a romance. And as we sort of went through the show, I started to understand what he meant by saying that. I think Tee has a, like a complicated relationship with BL, that much is obvious, and I think in a way, the story that he wanted to tell here—he almost resented a little bit, having to use the romance to tell the story. And it, it shows up on a metatextual level in terms of some of the themes and some of the story points and plot points running throughout the show. He's like, can’t I just tell this story? Why do they have to, like, make out? 

There is a tension there, there is a dissonance there. So it's not that I don't understand the problem that people had with it; I understand it entirely. But I was just vibin’. Because…I saw all of that as like, yeah, whatever Tee, like I see exactly what you're saying, but you also put this in here anyway, so I'm gonna enjoy the parts of this that you did put in here. That was my way of dealing with it, and that's why I really enjoyed it—because what he did put in there, for me, between Pat and Jeng? It resonated, because at first it was so much about ‘well this thing can't be and here are all the reasons that this thing can't be.’ It's clear that, like, Jeng is just falling deeper and deeper and deeper, and Pat is just like, I can't, I can't even hear that noise—to the point that he literally drowned the noise out in his own head. To the point where like Jeng actually had to tell him basically, ‘hi, I am actually hitting on you.’ And that, like, it came at the end of like a long tail because also Jeng's very aware that it's, like, an ethical minefield to be hitting on Pat because Pat works for him. So it's just like a swarm of things coming together, in a way that I personally enjoy? 

And I, I’ll acknowledge that my enjoyment of this show is extremely personal to just the kind of bitch I am. I just like this kind of, like, dynamics? I like this kind of exceedingly complicated and, ‘this actually is kind of a gordian knot, but still, through that all, I feel the way I feel and you feel the way you feel, and if we could just like figure some of this other shit out—and we're gonna fuck up figuring this other shit out for a while—then it would be solid, it would be golden.’ But like I said, I can completely understand why people wouldn't rock with that. It's dissonant, it's incredibly dissonant, I’m fully aware of that. But I was vibin’. That's just how I feel about it.

Ben

My issue is that the show doesn't say that. And we have to take that as the acceptable read to move on. Like, all of the ideas about how corporate life is evil for queer people are loud themes exemplified through the characters. I was consistently frustrated with Tee in this particular outing, because important gay decisions happen off screen, and that pissed me off. So much of his idea is about how queer people don't get to make choices—and he doesn't show the queer people making the choices they can make. 

Like for example, they get together and Pat and Jeng don't discuss what being at work is going to look like for them? Which was so irritating for me, because they don't really know each other? And like I'm totally fine with two bitches just being like, ‘let's just fuck about it for a little while and enjoy this ride while we go.’ But like, they don't say that! Like, we have to take that as meaning, and it irritates me, because he's not subtle about his other shit. It feels a little bit tacked on, because you're supposed to just understand this. 

Like—I took that Jeng was broken. I wrote a whole fucking piece about it, about how broken Jeng was by being in the closet as he is, because he lives in a big ass closet. Like his closet was so big I didn't even realize it was a closet, I thought it was an exercise room. No, it's his fucking closet. He lives there, that's insane. But like Pat and Jeng get together, and they don't discuss what being at work is going to be like for them. We don't really see their romance function at all, and they don't give us a sense of the two of them functioning as a pair until the story is over? And that irritates me because what the fuck are they fighting for? Like Jeng is explicitly fighting for the idea of Pat, and Pat is explicitly frustrated that Jeng is trying to manipulate him into the version of Pat that Jeng would prefer him to be. And that is not really confronted in this show. I can't be happy about these two getting together because that particular tension point is just submerged. It isn't dealt with, it's just shoved out of the way. That would have been okay, ‘we're just going to bury this’ is an okay choice, but it's a choice that feels like it happened off screen. 

It's frustrating because Pat's choice to break up with the MLM big tall, and his choice to break up with Put happen on screen. Pat processing his complicated post-breakup feelings with Put is executed beautifully on screen. We don't really get a functional version of Pat and Jeng on screen, and it irked me, but it low-key makes me sad, because what if Tee doesn't have enough to pull from in himself to do that properly? But he can handle, like, the painful shit and the breakup shit really well. Like that makes me sad for him…but, like, it irritates me as a viewer. If the desire to be a partner to Pat, and to change because Pat asked him to, is literally the driving force that moves Jeng through the plot—that is text—I hate that when he gets together with Pat, none of the talking about that occurs at all.

Nini

See I had a completely different reaction to that, because to me, from the time that all of that, like, wasn't happening, and then I saw the way that the plot was going, I was just like ‘oh it's a false start.’ That all makes sense to me, like the fact that Jeng spent all this time basically sweatin’ Pat, and finally, like okay, he gets somewhere, he doesn't want to confront the problems. He doesn't want to confront the problems, and Pat doesn't really want to confront the problems because Pat is just, ‘this man wants me, I want this man.’ Like, they don't talk about the issues. They get giddy on each other, they get high, nose wide open, and they don't want to confront the bad shit. So they don't talk about it. It's a false start. They don't talk about it, they don't talk about the fact that they don't really know each other, they don't talk about anything that matters…that to me tells me everything. There's a deep and intense infatuation happening there. And they're burying their heads in the sand about a lot. To me that's deliberate, and that's why it ends up falling apart. It works for me on a narrative level. 

25:45 - Step by Step: Story Execution

Nini

I think part of the frustration as well—and I think here we're going to start getting into, like, some of the structural issues—because I said that I did have criticisms about this show. And one of the criticisms that I continuously had was that this show feels like it was edited by monkeys on crack cocaine. There is a lack of a certain amount of cohesiveness to the editing, that makes it hard to follow some of what's happening. Like you have to sit with it and like really train your brain and do one, two, three passes at it, to be like ‘oh yeah, that's what was happening, that's what was happening, that's what was happening.’ So I do take that criticism. I absolutely do take that criticism of the show and I agree with it. That the graph of the show, like the way that it was structured in terms of when the pivot point happens—because it happens almost towards the end—I can see where the frustration comes from, absolutely.

Ben

There's so much in this show that is interesting, but is delivered so haphazardly that you have to work for it. Like, the only useful read I got about the hets and their role in this, was to model what showing up and speaking out looks like versus what sitting on your hands and not saying something looks like. With Khanun and Beam, and their attraction to Ae—who has a baby in a hilariously inaccurate birthing scene…

Nini

[laughs] I’m sorry, you said the birthing scene and I had to crack up, like that was the most like, hand wavy like, ‘I'm a gay man, I don't know how these things work’—like ‘she had a baby, like make it like—do whatever you think having a baby looks like, it's fine, moving on’ [laughs]

Ben

She's pushing the baby! And everybody’s screaming! And POP! It's out! [laughs]

Nini

I don't know how the baby came out, because she was still wearing her pants. But eeehh, let's leave that to the side for now. [laughs]

Ben

I'm okay with that, because everything else was so silly, I get them just not wanting to ask Zorzo to take her pants off.

Nini

There's a thematic reason that Ae has her baby where she does, how she does, when she does, like there's a thematic and a narrative reason for that. But the scene itself is like one of the most cracked-out things I’ve ever seen in my life. [laughs]

Ben

That's the whole problem with the show, like there are good ideas here but like, I don't feel them. I hate that you have to think so hard to get to them. Normally I'm okay with subtext for these sort of things, but…you have to basically rebuild the moments that are occurring in the show so that you can think about stuff. 

I ended up frustrated with Jeng by the end, because I feel like his arc peters out. Like there's a, a totally fine read on a lot of these things, but it is so…flat for me. It's fine for a show to make you play with the notion of disappointment? But the disappointment feels…petty, if that makes any sense? Like I don't think the disappointment is built into all the thematic structures. It's just built into the effect that the show wants to engender. It feels a little incongruous, and it's really irritating. I don't mind queer cinema making me feel negative emotions and walk out of a theater going ‘damn, bro.’ I just don't like the way this show is going for that, but also pretending that it's not, towards the end.

Nini

Okay, so here's a thing that we don't normally do, but I think would be useful for this show. So, let's fix it. Our mantra around here is generally: you meet the shows where they are. Right? But: is there a version of this show that you like, and what does that version of the show look like?

Ben

A big problem with this show is, they spend way too much time away from the Jian group office environment. The bubble of the Forge project goes on way too fucking long. The reveal in episode, like, 9? That Pat did not know Jeng was gay this whole time? Is really good, but needs to happen, at the very latest, by episode 8. Because it creates this huge compression effect on the back half of the show, that is so fucking irritating for me as a viewer. The Jeng crying and sad shit is great in episode—10, when that occurs? And like he and Pat get together in episode 11, but the gays need a solid ‘we're going to try to make this work’ episode. You have to put us in the interior of these two settling into each other. We need to understand what we have been yearning for for the whole show up to this point, so that we can understand what they're giving up when they've when they sever—it's romance, they gotta break up, you have to put the characters in a position where they have to figure out, ‘can I go back to the person I was and enjoy my life without this person in my life again?’ The answer is no, because this is fucking romance!—But we need to understand what the romance is and what they're going for. 

And all of the development of Pat and Jeng as a couple, that we're supposed to be benefiting from in episode 11 when they're trying to save the stupid little BL project they're working on, feels completely unearned. Yes, I understand that the reason we're not getting payoff is because their relationship is fundamentally flawed as a false start—but it doesn't flag very effectively as one, because we aren't constantly seeing the misfires when they're trying to do stuff romantically together. We need to fully confront the fact that Jeng is brainwashed into thinking that work life integration can work for queer people. It cannot. And we don't get that. So like when they break up, the feeling is like, ‘good, because y'all needed to.’ And not in a satisfying way that another show might have done. We need to move all of the beats from the end of the show back a whole fucking episode. 

Also, the decision for Pat to go off and start his own thing, take Chot and Ae, all happens off screen. This is a huge set of choices! Why is Chot running off to be with this twink? Like sure, he's playing fairy godmother in the whole show, but why does he choose to go with him? The audience is left to just figure that out. But so much of this show is about the difficult and complex choices that queer people have to make to survive in a corporate world that doesn't want us. So yes, we can infer that Chot was also frustrated with all this drama at work, and is more than willing to go work with the very talented, very successful little baby gay who showed up at his job, and go off and they gonna get this paper together. I get it. It's fine, it doesn't track as wrong for Chot to do that—but Chot's choice also matters in a show about how queer choice needs to be respected! And they don't show Chot making the choice. Like, the gay choices happening off screen are egregious to me. They need to be unpacked. If the show is about how our choices aren't respected, why aren't we showing the interior decision-making of the choices we're forced to make?

Nini

I'll definitely take your point about where the pivot point of the story happens. It's one of the critiques of this show that I completely agree with. The critical path of this show—like the throughline?—to me is so clear. What happens though, is that the critical path is sort of impacted by…like a bunch of these little side quests. Whether it is that the side quest is too present or too absent, the milestones are happening slightly off schedule. The way that it's sequenced works for me, but the way that things like lag behind or in front of each other are a little…squiffy. In terms of the way that the story is constructed, in terms of some of the things that you feel that you needed to see, or that would have made the story better to be able to see, rather than having to conjure up yourself…like, I get that, absolutely. I don't disagree with that, I think that is a valid and accurate critique of this show. I live in my head a lot [laughs] and so that didn't bother me enough to ding it, but I understand why it didn't work for you, and for a lot of other people. 

I think it's just for me that…I was fine with getting pulled along by the story, because I was invested, particularly in Jeng. First they got me with Man being, you know, the size of a barn. And then I started actually paying attention, and they got me with Jeng's character. That's where the show, like, managed to string me along the entire way; I got a hook in, and I'm just like ‘okay, this is what I'm going with.’ But none of the things that you and everybody else is saying about the show are wrong. You're all correct. [laughs] You're all correct. I just…enjoyed it.

Ben

I think for me, both places where this show really broke, and where I really disconnected from this show, were in both of the kitchen scenes, which you loved. Like if we could point to two scenes where things break for me as an audience member? It's the speakeasy scene, kitchen scene—throwing food on the ground, kitchen scene—Pat reconciling with Jeng. It ends up becoming a failure point when Jeng resigns from his company—in his Canadian tuxedo —

Nini

Denim on denim y’all!

Ben

[laughs] And he says to his dad, ‘I have dreams.’ And I'm like, ‘girl, what are they? You ain't said shit for the last three goddamn episodes! What are they? Please sir, talk to the camera, I need to know.’ And like we can infer these things, we can project onto him. I can infer that the restaurant is what's important to him. I can infer that food security for the underprivileged is important to him. But for someone who's as plan-oriented as him, it feels a little weird, that this feels like a undercooked and underdeveloped idea for the character, that's just sort of simmering in the back and I'm like, ‘what, did we even put anything in the pot? Is that just water boiling?’ 

And so we get to these two kitchen sequences. Chot has chided Pat for not properly receiving someone's feelings, which is an idea that's been all over BL recently, that I'm totally into. Like you can reject people just fine, like you do not owe people any booty at all. But if someone tells you that you're important to them, you should at least acknowledge that they made themselves vulnerable to you, and acknowledge those feelings. Fine, good. Go buy a carrot cake and run to that man. But he goes to Jeng and tries to acknowledge his feelings and Jeng's like, ‘okay, we're together now’ and they make out, and I'm like ‘oh okay, sure, I guess? What? No!’ 

And this is when the not talking portion kicks in, and then Pat breaks up with Jeng, for what I believe are incredibly valid reasons of feeling like Jeng doesn't trust him or believe in him, because he makes choices for them without consulting Pat. And Pat feels like Jeng is always undercutting him, and Jaab makes a point about this in the final episode—when he doesn't talk to Jen at all? whatever—and says, ‘you kind of manipulated Pat the way Dad manipulated you.’ And I'm like, ‘that's a very, very specific idea, that makes a whole lot of sense, that we're just going to walk away from because this is the last episode—roll the fluff!’ 

So we get to the second kitchen scene, and I'm trying to accept the emotions of the scene? Of Pat just deciding that he's going to let go of the anger because he really likes Jeng, and he likes what the two of them had together, and he just kind of wants to let it work and figure it out together—the same way I Promised You the Moon ended. And I like that, but it doesn't land here for me? And I ended up really irritated about it. And this is where I get frustrated, like Jeng through episode…10, works for me, but the dead-eyed Jeng of episode 11 and the sad depressive Jeng of episode 12—it feels like he never comes back to life. Which may have been their point, but they went out of their way to try and make me feel like he and Pat are together and they're happy and everything's going to be okay now because they're together in the final episode. It feels unearned, and it feels like they didn't finish the goddamn mission! when it comes to Jeng.

Nini

And for me, it feels exactly the opposite, because those two kitchen scenes are very clearly paralleled, you're absolutely correct: in the first kitchen scene when they're first getting together, they don't talk about anything that's important, they just kind of roll past it. But in the second kitchen scene, they stop, they take a breath, Jeng says, ‘let's talk about this tomorrow.’ He's happy, yeah, but they make a deliberate point of not doing the same shit that they did before. They make a point of saying the things; they make a point of taking a beat; they make a point of taking their time; they make a point of actually talking to each other. And to me that's why it works. I mean it works, as well, for emotional reasons that are just pure, like, me engaging with romantic notions, reasons, and I'll fully admit to that. But to me the fact that those two scenes were so different was kind of the point? And I quite enjoyed that part. 

Another problem with the show that I think makes it really not legible for people is the fact that you don't have any sense of the passage of time. Like you really have to work to figure out how much time has passed between any two events in the show.

Ben

And clearly we were on the wrong timeline from the show.

Nini

[laughs] I think they just made a mistake in the last episode. I did a lot of work on the show, but I enjoy that, so I was fine. The timeline is that the first 9 to 10 episodes happen over the course of roughly a year? And then episode 11 is very compressed. I think they do give us a chiron at one point, that you figure out it's like about three months maybe? And then the last episode, it spans years—not just including the time skip, but the actual episode itself. 

Ben

It feels like somewhere between three to five years for sure.

Nini

Yeah, the last part of the episode, like maybe the last half hour, is like a series of vignettes? But it's just that the way that it's edited, it doesn't feel like a series of vignettes. It feels like scenes that are happening in sequence, which they're not. 

Like I said, the editing of this show, monkeys on crack cocaine and ayahuasca, absolutely. Storyboarding, I'm not sure anybody did any? 

I did a lot of work to enjoy the show. But I did enjoy it.

Ben

And I hate that. I hated the sides, like they weren't even in the final episode, they're like ‘yeah we don't care about them, get them the fuck out of here.’ No Khanun, no Jen, just get them out of here. We're gonna be here for an hour and forty two minutes, but the sides required literally zero closure to help stick the landing with the mains? Ugh, man.

Nini

They were there to reinforce thematic ideas, and they leaned way too hard into them as a narrative point when they weren't supposed to be narrative. So yes, completely agree with you, that was a mess. 

It's not that I don't agree with you! We're saying that this is a fight night and I got my eye black on, but the reality is that I don't disagree with anything you're saying. It’s just that I was fine with doing that work, and you are not fine with doing that work because you think you shouldn't have to do that work, and that's…yeah, you're probably right about that.

Ben

I'm in the business of recommending things to people because I like enjoying things with people. I will not be showing this to Emily, because I have to explain too much along the way the whole fucking time. And like, I hate that! It shouldn't be this goddamn hard to enjoy the damn show. 

I ended up comparing the dissonance around this show to, say, something like 2gether, which I think is remembered fondly because of pandemic stuff, and less because the show is good. Because everybody acknowledges that the show is a goddamn mess, but there's things that they take out of it, they say ‘I really like this.’ And that's how I feel about Step by Step. I loved everything that Man did in this; I think he played a 32 year old repressed gay man really well. But low key…I gotta be honest, I'm a little burned out on feeling a bunch of fucking feelings about sad rich gay boys? Like, the West is obsessed with sad rich gay boys and I am burnt the hell out on it. Like ‘oh no, he's sad, in his penthouse…’ who cares? [laughs]

Nini

I think for me as well, because I've been spending so much time with Turtles’s Asian family trauma lens, that I dug into that side of things, like a little deeply with my brain, and I was kind of enjoying kicking that around to myself as part of this.

Ben

And that’s the thing that sucks! Like Jeng, through episode 10, works so well for me. Like I absolutely loved what Man was doing with Jeng, how he was playing him, how Ben was playing Pat as kind of oblivious to it but unconsciously flirting with Jeng.

We didn't even talk about Up Poompot! Up Poompot was in this show and he whipped ass! Up was so good! Put was an incredible character. So Put is Pat's ex, who was not a great ex to him. This is very clearly a failed first romance on a lot of different levels. Put is ambitious, and he wants a lot more from his life than to just stay in the poor town the two of them grew up in, and he clearly didn't have Pat's skills to go to school…twice, study in America, and come back to Thailand as a highly trained marketing professional who can go into a corporate environment, and even with every goddamn employee in there working on his damn nerves still be the best person that they have on their team. Put doesn't have that: he's pretty and he's charming, and he's an actor. He has to go into BL, and so he can't have a boyfriend. Which is very fucked, that gay people cannot be out in BL. Insane. Put is an incredible character. He is simultaneously deeply unlikable and also incredibly sympathetic. Up is so good in this show. 

And I think Ben, who has an incredibly internal character—who really could have benefited from a journal? So that we could hear his thoughts more often—also does a really good job playing someone who is barely keeping it together, and trying to restrain their quick temper. Ben does a good job as a fairly new actor dealing with some really complex internal things that have to be externalized, in a film tradition that leans towards bombastic. That's really difficult to do. 

Bruce is in this! Bruce had such a rough character to portray in Lovely Writer, and it was hard to really like that character even if you felt bad for them. So glad we got a character for Bruce that we loved this time in Chot. 

Zorzo is in this, she's incredible, we love her. She can do whatever she wants—she shows up on a set and we're just like, ‘hello Zorzo, what do you want to do today?’ 

It's just so much fun watching this cast work together. Even the new people. Saint had some difficulties with his romantic partner and I think that's because he was new and nervous about doing that right. But he was really really good with Ben: when Jaab was interacting with Pat, Saint was really good, and you can see why he was cast. His chemistry with Ben felt so natural, and didn't read as like weirdly sexual or romantic, which is very easy to fall into in BL when they put literally any boys in the same room with each other. 

They did a great job letting queer friendships feel like queer friendships in this show. There's so much that's genuinely good in this show, which is why I feel like I have to give it a 7.5. Like if it had just been kind of bad and muddled? I’d have probably given it an 8 for just pure gumption. But it's frustrating, because it feels like everyone understood what the mission was and the plan fell apart with contact with the enemy immediately, and they did not regroup at all.

Nini

This is sounding like video game stuff.

Ben

I'm kind of pissed! I'm in captain mode right now. I'm assessing the film and going over everyone's screens and we're talking about who fucked up here. 

50:25 - Step by Step: Where are we on Tee Bundit?

Ben

The most important thing to ask now is, where do either of us sit when it comes to Tee Bundit and Dee Hup House?

Nini

I am a Tee Bundit fan? I see some of the things that he wants to say. I think that maybe he needs some guardrails? And maybe to lighten up a little bit? Because he has good ideas, and the ideas, he makes them very legible, when he wants to. 

I am curious to see how he does with some guardrails. Sometimes an artist needs a few guardrails to really focus themselves. So I am still down with Tee, and I'm interested in seeing the rest of what he's putting out this year. How about you?

Ben

I just want to grab him—like William Shatner in a classic Star Trek episode—by both of his upper arms, and say very clearly: “You got to stop being mean to the audience, bro. They're on your side.” It feels like he's beefing with us the audience, in Step by Step. Like it feels like he resents that the only way he can tell queer stories and get funded is to do queer romance, which I don't know that he's interested in—even though clearly he cares a lot about queer existence. Which is a very complicated space to sit as an artist, particularly with what the zeitgeist is feeling right now? 

But I need him to not take that energy out on us as the audience, like we signed up for romance, bro! Stop making us feel bad for wanting that! It just feels like Tee is just mad, and yelling in the room, and we're like ‘I get that you're mad bro, but this is unfun for all of us: we are on your side, and you are taking this out on us.’ He's that friend, who's right…but fuck, dude!

[Nini laughs]

Ben

That's all I've got. It's a chop for me, I'm sorry. [laughs]

Nini

Nah, I mean, sometimes we disagree, my friend, that’s just the way it is. [laughs] For me it’s a 9, for Ben it’s a 7.5, so that works out to…8.25? Yeah, that sounds about right.

Ben

It’s not bad, but it’s not good.

Nini

8.25 for Step by Step, and entry into contention for the Girl You Tried award for this season.

53:10 - La Pluie

Nini

Okay, so we are talking all things La Pluie. Ben, tell us what La Pluie is about.

Ben

La Pluie is a sort of speculative fiction romance, set in a world very similar to ours, where a small subset of the population experience temporary sensory loss whenever it rains as a form of deafness. Of that incredibly small population, an even smaller portion of them, when they come of age—which is 20 in Thailand—they may begin to hear another person's voice whenever it rains. Those people are seemingly tied to each other by this rain-based connection and other people have described them as soulmates. 

Our protagonist Saengtai is a 22-year-old who experiences rain deafness. He has three brothers, one older, and both of his parents are what people call soulmates. When he turned 20, his parents wanted him to know that they were getting a divorce, and this shattered Saengtai’s faith in the concept of soulmates, and he spent the next two years actively avoiding speaking to his soulmate at all. Two years later, he happens to run into him in a cafe, realizes his soulmate is hot, and then [laughs] decides to maybe give it a shot. And the show becomes this ongoing exploration of the concept of romance itself, unpacking whether or not the soulmates concept is real, portrayed by incredibly emotionally aware characters. 

Our primary four characters are: Saengtai, our protagonist, who's a writer. Patts, his soulmate, who is a veterinarian, and slightly older than him, and very cool. You have Saengtai’s little brother Saengtien, who’s kind of a rascal, who does not have rain deafness but very much believes in the concept of soulmates. And then there's Lomfon, a boy who is also in school with Saengtien, who adamantly refuses to believe in soulmates, and causes his own problems along the way. There's quite a colorful cast of supporting characters, and this is probably…the most legible show that we've ever watched? From the very first scene, this show is nothing but constant payoff.

Nini

Hmm, I don't know about from the very first scene, because as you know, it took me a few episodes to kind of get there. I started and stopped, and then had to be cajoled back in [laughs] and I do not regret coming back in. The line on this for me is that I think soulmates are bullshit. I've never been a fan of this soulmate trope—in the first episode or two, I'm just kind of like, ‘I don't know that they're gonna do anything interesting with this’ and then sometime around…it was definitely around episode 4, and I know it was around episode 4 because isn't that when Tai bit that man? We're gonna talk about this, Ben.

Ben

[laughs] Tai did bite that man, in episode 3.

Nini

Tai, my precious little alley cat, that was when I decided I was in [laughs] and I was gonna keep watching. I mean he literally got drunk and bit Patts, and I was like, ‘okay this is gonna be fucking awesome.’ Who bites somebody??

Ben

Someone unhinged!

Nini

Exactly, that's the point! And you know I love unhinged, so I was in for the duration after that. That was like the end of episode 3 when he bit him? And then episode 4 it just keeps getting better.

57:50 - La Pluie: The Soulmate Myth

Ben

Let's get properly into the soulmate stuff. I stand by my comment that this show begins paying off from the very first scene. We read the blurb, we get our little intro, and he's like ‘we got soulmates in this world; I can't hear when it rains; there's a boy who talks to me when it rains,’ and we were like ‘whoa man, these two are gonna fuck real good!’ And then the show opens with divorce. And I was like, ‘never mind, I am seated!’ 

Right away, the show is telling you that it is going to challenge the presumptions built into its core premise. It spends the entire time interrogating its premise, with really legible characters. And I think you provided the clearest read on the sort of primary archetypes these characters fit, when you described them in the framework of faith. So, please elaborate on your analysis.

Nini

The key thing all our characters, our key characters are dealing with in the show, is whether they believe in soulmates or not? So you have Tien, who is absolutely a true believer, 100% believes in soulmates, no matter what has happened to potentially shake his faith in soulmates he totally believes in it. Then you have Tai, who I described as an apostate, because Tai used to be a true believer and then his faith was shattered, and so he's sort of gone against believing in soulmates. In terms of their love interests, you have Patts, who is sort of agnostic on the idea? ‘Eh, I don't know, maybe soulmates are real, maybe they're not, doesn't really matter to me. I don't know what to believe but I'm not going to let it affect what I'm doing, and this is the way I feel about things.’ And then you've got Lomfon, who is an atheist: not just an atheist, like a rationalist atheist. He's just like, ‘soulmates are bullshit, I don't buy this, I don't believe in anything that this is happening here.’ And then what the show does with those four viewpoints is sort of, brings them all around to a kind of agnosticism? So in the end, they kind of all get to where Patts started. 

Then one of the things the show does towards the end, really at the end, is bring Patts around to being…sort of a true believer? Not necessarily in the sense of the rain deafness connection being a soulmate connection, but believing in the idea of having a soulmate. I don't think that's in any way related to the rain deafness connection at all, but more about choices and the way that he feels about Tai, and the way that Tai feels about him and the relationship that they are building. I found that really interesting, where in the end everybody kind of comes around to the agnostic viewpoint, Patts is the one who moves towards a, a believer, but not in the whole myth.

Ben

I think what works for me really in the show, when it comes to the belief in soulmates or not, is…the show understands that belief without action is meaningless. In the case of Tai and Lomfon, their choices and inaction create immense harm for the people around them that they claim to care about. In the case of Tai, he hurts Patts, for years, with his silence. Like it is totally fine for him to want to work out his comfortability with the rain-based connection privately and on his own time, but he owed it to Patts to say that. Even just, ‘I'm uncomfortable having you in my head, please don't talk to me when it rains.’ That's all he had to say. It's the silence that was really cruel for me. He's hurting Patts and punishing him, because his parents let him down. That's really shitty. 

Lomfon glomps on to Tai, for whatever reason, and just determines he's supposed to be with Tai. Actively ignoring the growing relationship between him and Tien, hurting everyone along the way. Whereas Patts and Tien are both actively treating people with immense kindness and care, because of how they believe and how they move through the world. Tien cares a lot about his brother: he knows his brother was hurt by what happened to their parents, and he gives excuses for him and he tries to take care of his brother, he tries to make himself small to take care of his family and the people around them, even if he's a little bit feisty. And Patts, who maybe doesn't care about the soulmate shit at all, sees Tai once: is like, ‘whoa, I am inextricably drawn to this person,’ and pursues him very kindly. The people with the most angst about whether or not this shit is real are the ones doing the most harm to other people. It's the people who are most pissy about faith being the worst in their relationships.

Nini

Look at us here being a couple of lapsed Catholics on the podcast.

[both laugh]

Nini

There is so much that the show wants to say about that idea of faith without works being dead. So much that the show wants to say about the relationship between chance and choice. I think the show itself is agnostic on whether soulmates are real? But I think the show does also say: there is some mix of chance and choice in romance. You ran into this person in a coffee shop—that's chance. But what you do next is choice. 

There're little things sprinkled throughout, like Patts and Tai finding out—once they've decided to be together—finding out that they actually had a connection from earlier on, because Patts's grandmother used to live next door to Tai. So when Tai's parents split up and he was like really sad and depressed about it, Patts saw this kid crying, and he just decided to be kind to this kid, and he helped Tai through, like, the immediate aftermath of his parents' divorce. And in return for that kindness, Tai sort of helped him through the death of his grandmother? They never saw each other's faces or anything like that, this was a happenstance. This was a chance encounter, through Patts's kindness and Tai’s kindness in return, that became a connection between them. Again, chance and choice. It was by chance that Patts saw this kid crying, but it was a choice to be kind to the kid next door. 

That's threaded throughout the story in different parts, this idea that chance brings you to the table but choice determines what happens when you get there.

Ben

I feel very strongly, as a lapsed Catholic, that none of the beliefs matter if you're just trying to be right. What matters is how you treat people.

Nini

The show is more interested in the choices than the chances, but it does put the chances sort of in there. You know that the show is interested in the choices because of the way that it deals with the parents, and the parents divorce, and how the parents have made it through their divorce and continue to be people who are together in dealing with their children, who still talk to each other when it rains, who have moved out of a romantic phase and into a platonic phase in their lives. To the point where the mom can get remarried to somebody who is more suited to her, and this doesn't affect their friendship. 

I really enjoyed the aspects of the show that really harped on the idea of choice, and choosing how you're going to build a relationship with somebody whether it is romantic or platonic, rather than fate putting somebody in your path and that feeling like a predetermination of who that person is going to be to you. That's why in the end, I did come around to La Pluie after not being interested at the beginning. They fucked with soulmates, and I like that.

Ben

I feel the need to rant.

Nini

The floor is yours, sir. Speak directly into the microphone.

Ben

I'm so glad that this show ended by saying that the soulmate stuff was a trap. It was really frustrating to see everybody caught up in the soulmate stuff, and the mechanic of that, as this verification tool. Maybe it's the whole lapsed Catholic thing and having a very complex relationship with faith and doubt? Because I got the whole notion that the purpose of all of this is about choice. It's about what you do with the opportunities you're given, and how you treat the people when you're there. 

It was really frustrating to watch so many members of the audience just really struggle with this show, because they needed the soulmates thing to either be bullshit, or to be confirmed. I really like that the show very politely sidesteps answering that, because what matters is how people treat each other. The opening scroll of the show is a happy couple that is a guy with rain deafness hanging out with somebody who is not. Like these things were legible from the beginning for me, and it was so…tedious, week in and week out, dealing with the, like the weather report: “Are the soulmates real this week?” Stop. 

Nini

Since we're ventilating the show's take on soulmates so to speak…

1:08:22 - La Pluie: Lomfon is Rude!

Ben

Yeah, let's talk about somebody who clearly got it wrong, in the show!

Nini

[laughs] Let's talk about Lomfon getting that ass beat, and why it was absolutely necessary.

Ben

We're gonna begin where we always sat: Lomfon is rude! And Patts should have punched him harder.

Nini

[laughs] I like just, I heard like a million people just turning the podcast off at this point—but it's, it's true, it's a fact.

Ben

Look, I do not care. Here's the thing: Lomfon is beefing with people for no reason, from the jump. He's beefing with Tien in the store over a goddam magazine. He's beefing with other classmates. He has no goddamn friends.

Nini

He was rude to Bow! He was rude to Tai's boss, and he likes Tai, and he still couldn't muster up like a shred of interest in anything she was doing, or even general politeness to shake her hand and say hi how you doing. Rude!

Ben

He only cares about what he's thinking about, there's no regard for other people. Like yeah, sure. He's like, 20. And like, kids gotta grow up at some point. But also, tastin’ a little bit of fist will reorient your life a little bit sometimes.

Nini

[laughs] True!

Ben

He's just so dramatic! There's this development over the course of the show, where Tai ends up with two different soulmates with connections to him. Lomfon is like, ‘I'm hearing Tai’s voice when it rains.’ Instead of, like sending, like a group text, saying, like, ‘hey, I believe something very strange may have happened to me, I think we should all meet up next Sunday at four o'clock—because I've checked the weather and we should all be together for this.’ And they could have handled this like adults and talked about stuff. No. Lomfon is rude and selfish, and so he needs to corner Tai in the rain, kiss Tai, and be like ‘whoops, my bad!’ And then when Patts rolls up on him throwing haymakers, he's like ‘whoa bro, no, he's mine!’ He's yours? Little boy. Please. 

I got a lot of smoke for this motherfucker, I got some notes over here. This dude hung out with Tien at a cast party, cuddled with drunk Tien, calls his brother because Tien needs a ride home—and then while Tien is mostly unconscious, flirts with his older brother? Gross.

Nini

He's in his own zone. He's not thinking about anybody else, he's not interested in whether what he does affects anybody else and how it affects anybody else. And it takes, yes quite frankly, a jaw rockin’, for him to get his head out of his ass. Completely concur that it was needed. 

Because I mean, think about this okay? Even if he actually liked Tai—which he doesn't really—does he think that this is the way to go about getting Tai? Let's ponder this for a second, just a short second, okay? It doesn't even make sense. And then, he thinks that maybe he might feel something for Tien, he doesn't know…but instead of, I don't know maybe, hm! going on a date with Tien instead of Tai—like there's so many other ways that Lomfon could have gone about what he went about. He just did it in the messiest way possible. Everybody was already telling him, ‘look I'm seeing what you're doing here and I'm gonna need you to take a step back.’

Ben

Tien picked up on it because they were on that mountain, and he saw Lomfon starting shit and looking at his brother, and he pulled that motherfucker aside, he said, ‘I am a third son, bitch, I will bury you on this mountain! Don't ever look at my brother again! Their relationship is theirs, and if you fuck with them one more time, they will not find your fucking corpse on this mountain.’

Nini

Everybody who saw it told Lomfon, ‘yo, you need to mind your own business.’ And if they didn't tell Lomfon, they told Tai—so Bow told Tai, ‘look, Lomfon’s up in your business. You need to say something and get that kid away from your business.’ Tien told him mind your own business. Patts told him mind your own business—because Patts definitely knew that Lomfon had a crush on Tai.

Ben

And Lomfon’s like, ‘well I heard Tai's voice in the rain, so now it's my business,’ and instead of talking to Tai properly, he's going to go like beef with Patts and be like I'm taller than you, so. 

[both laugh] That boy got on my goddamn nerves! Like, he's an excellent character. 

1:13:30 - La Pluie: Tai Also Deserves Some Smoke 

Ben

Let's talk about how Tai needed that ass whooped too.

Nini

That's what I was about to say, like, we're on Lomfon and Lomfon deserved it, but Tai also deserves some smoke and I'm here to give it to him. Tai, baby boy. Patts carried you down that mountain after you ran up there in the first place offa some bullshit. He had to carry you back down that mountain, y’all come back down the mountain as boyfriends. You looked at that man in the car and told him ‘I want to stay over at your place tonight’ and that man beat land speed records to take you back to his house. You literally got the booty in every single room in that apartment. 

And then you decide to go on a date-not-date with Lomfon? I feel like it was a little bit too—like he was slightly flattered?

Ben

Let me just read Tai his rights. [Nini laughs] 

This man, after finally getting what he thinks he's wanted this whole time, realizes there may be a situation going on with his brother's friend. He coulda asked his brother, like at any moment: ‘yo what's up with Lomfon, like Bow is already saying dude was sniffing around, and he asked me you to do some sort of thing, and I dunno how I feel about it. What's up with you and your little friend?’ And Tien could have been like ‘oh noooo, I actually like him, why is he doing this like?’ He could have solved this any number of ways that were less dramatic than ‘let me lie to my boyfriend because I'm worried how he's gonna handle knowing that this little dude is sniffing around’—as if he didn't already know. 

It is so frustrating that Patts—who is clear from the beginning that his primary concern was Saengtai’s comfort and happiness—for Saengtai to just actively ignore this man's vocalized needs. Man is telling you, he wants you to say the things. And you're like ‘well, don't my actions show it?’ No baby boy, because you're out here with some other dude in the middle of the motherfuckin’ rain, and you need to do better. 

And then! That boy is at his mom's wedding. Your dad has said he is happy for her. He likes the guy that she's gonna be with, and he's happy for the life that they're gonna have. And this boy ruins their wedding, making it all about him, because he's mad that his parents’ soulmate thing didn't work out. Oh I was so mad at that boy. 

He was so frustrating as a protagonist sometimes, because he just shits on all the relationships in his life. He shits on his mom. He’s low key shitting on his dad. He relies on his little brother too much without really paying attention to him in a meaningful way, and he beats up on Patts. And he does the same thing to Bow, like he works with Bow. She's clearly covering for him at work. Because he works with a bunch of other people and refuses to ever learn their names or really engage with them.

Nini

This is not to say that we do not love my little alley cat Tai, but he is a fucking alley cat. [laughs] He has the predisposition and morals of one, quite frankly. Like he's scratching and biting…in some ways he's just as rude as Lomfon. But like, you see where all this stuff comes from. And you want him to like, just for a second like, dude, retract the claws, and stop making decisions for people that are more about what you want and what you're interested in than what they want and need and have said that they want and need.

Ben

This is what I mean, like, the show being legible and saying the same thing the whole time. Like, as early as episode 2 Tai is like, ‘hey I found my soulmate,’ and Tien says quite plainly, ‘you fucked with love: unfuck it.’ And when he finally has that confrontation with his parents where they show him the complexity of human relationships, where his dad also says, ‘when you have love you need to take care of it.’ 

It's so funny, like, for all that Tai is obsessed with his dad, Tien is the one who picked up on his dad's, like, core skills. And Tai is so much like his mom, I'm really glad the show finally recognized that towards the end. Tai recognizes that he's doing to Patts what his mom was doing to him: not giving him any information, leaving him to suffer in silence without giving him the context that he's desperately needing. And it showed a lot of growth that he finally got his ass together, and spent the whole episode running around looking for that man, because goddamn. 

1:18:26 - La Pluie: Tai’s Dad Read as Queer

Ben

I wanna get this aside in here, how Tai's dad read as queer to me the whole time, I don't know if he did to you?

Nini

He did, but I didn't know if that was the actor or the character.

Ben

I think it may have been both, and I think I like the way the show handled it. I think it was very useful for subtext to show that Tai's dad is queer? And to not confirm it at the text level. Because La Pluie is not interested in structural homophobia. But I thought it was a really interesting premise to consider what happens if a straight person and a gay person think they're soulmates. What happens if a man who knows who he is goes into a straight marriage, loves his sons, loves his wife, but they can't work, because they can't be the kind of partners they need to be to each other. Which is exactly what the show says, without saying it’s because the dad was queer. 

And I think I really like the show leaving that as subtext for us to consider? Because the show does such a great job at building emotionally intelligent gay relationships otherwise.

Nini

I think there were lots of markers for it, like there were markers in the character themselves, there are markers in the relationship that the father and the mother had, the way that the mother was the breadwinner and the father was the caretaker. There are markers in the father's chosen profession, he's a chef. There is a, sort of a marker in this idea of him being—I think it was a private chef to some ambassador and spending a lot of time with this ambassador? All of these are things that I picked up on, and I don't know if they were easter eggs or if they were just throwaways, but there were lots of like tiny little markers.

Ben

And also him being the one to actually say that they should break up.

Nini

Yeah, there, there are lots of tiny little, like I said, could be read as markers, could just be coincidental, but the show is so well constructed that I am loath to leave it to the idea of coincidence.

Ben

I agree. I think it's well done. 

1:20:48 - La Pluie: The Romance

Ben

Tai needed to get his shit together, because as far as I'm concerned Patts is maybe the most perfect romantic interest that BL has ever created. And that also feels really intentional for the themes that they're unpacking.

Nini

La Pluie is a romance novel. Like, if you look at the way it's structured, the way it's organized, La Pluie is a romance novel that is sort of an anti romance novel, almost? And in a romance novel, the love interest is essentially perfect. If they have a flaw, it's something that is, ‘my only flaw is that I care too much’ or some shit like that, you know, that kind of thing? [both laugh] 

Patts fits into that mould in a way, but it's also subverted a little bit? So, he's handsome, he's a vet, he is kind to animals, he’s kind to people. He's very sweet, he is a hundred percent into Tai.

Ben

He drives a Porsche. He has a very nice apartment.

Nini

[laughs] He's rich. You know what I mean? All the markers of like the perfect romantic hero.

Ben

He has no family drama.

Nini

None whatsoever…he has a little tragic backstory with grandmother dying…like he’s the perfect romantic hero in a trope sense. Listen, I think sometime around the time that Tai bit that man— and yeah I'm still not over it— 

Ben

He did bite that man.

Nini

I remember saying to Ben, ‘oh so like Tai’s an alley cat, but Patts is a literal angel.’ Because after he bit that man and then he threw up on him, still that man took him home, let him, like, lay in his bed. He gave him clothes, left him alone to change his own clothes, and then in the morning when he woke up hungover and couldn't remember shit, he woke up and there was a note because he had cleared out, he didn’t wanna make him feel awkward or anything like that. He cleared out, he left a note saying all the things that he did the night before, because he didn't know if he was going to remember…He was perfect about it. He was such a gentleman.

Ben

As one of the leaders of the Patts defense squad, I'm gonna have to lead a charge for my boy. Because my man is the best communicator. He clearly understands that something is wrong with his soulmate, doesn't pressure him to talk to him; just talks back to him, tries to be kind to him, tries to say nice things to him. Eventually sees a guy who he wants to pursue. He does not know that it’s Tai. But the first thing he does that night is like, ‘hey I don't know what's going on with you, but I saw the cutest boy that has ever existed, and I'm gonna pursue him, so uh, deuces!’ 

So they end up at this club, Tai gets low-key abandoned by his friends, so Patts takes care of him. Tai bites that man, tries to bite him again. Later that night starts fussing with Patts, accusing him of being a player, and then makes out with him! Like yes, he was drunk, but—makes out with him! Like bro! Patts starts pursuing him earnestly after that, by leaving the note. And then Tai, who does have communication skills and social skills, does the cutesy thing you would do in a movie. He's going to return the fucking clothes to Patts in a cute little bag waiting outside his job. And the two of them go out on the cutest little date, full of all sorts of great stuff. 

Also, like, I haven't talked about it that much here: Title is really really good. I love the way Title and Pee both play their characters in this show. The way Title played Tai during that dinner they had? Was so good. At one point when he asks Patts, ‘do you always eat like this?’ 

Nini

And he points with the knife?

Ben

And he points with the knife, it is so, so perfect! And Patts is so clever. Like Tai wants to hang out and they want to go on the date and he's like, ‘let me not…bullshit about who I am.’ They ride in his Porsche to a fancy restaurant that Patts clearly frequents regularly because the staff recognizes him. He hands Tai the menu and asks Tai what he wants. Tai, who also has social skills and is like ‘I don't know about this, I don't know what the rules are here,’ decides not to make the choice on ordering something, ‘cause he's not trying to hit him up style. So he passes the choice to Patts, and then Patts makes a neutral choice by just saying ‘we'll have whatever the chef’s special is for the day.’ By making the neutral choice to just accept the chef’s special, even though Patts picked the place, he is making sure Tai understands that Patts will not be forcing him to do anything. 

I just really love their date, like there's so much there; Patts is really charming, he's funny…and then moving along, the next thing Tai does, which is insane, is introduce Patts to his dad without warning. And the dad ain't shit either, picking on Patts the whole time.

Nini

[laughs] It was funny.

Ben

He hangs out with their dad, and immediately Patts’s instinct is to show the proper respect to Tai’s father. He doesn't get in the middle of their fight. He doesn't ask about it. He just sort of gives them a way to end the fight now, he politely asks about Tai and his other brothers, giving Tai a chance to talk about his family if he wants to. They go back to Tai’s place. Patts, not really thinking about it, walks in on Tai while he's changing, gets to see all the goodies. And then they have this intense moment, and they end up making out on the floor. 

I want to make a special note here about La Pluie: La Pluie is one of the first BLs that I can really remember, ever, that when there is a moment of intense sexual tension, releases it. So often these shows just bait us. They titillate us, they want us to get all hot and bothered about ‘whoa, they's ‘bout to kiss’ and then they interrupt it with some nonsense. Or they just don't do anything with it and they tease us and they make bits out of it. And as much as I enjoy these shows, it was so refreshing to see a show go, ‘what if we release it? What if they actually start making out on the floor? What then?’ 

I get frustrated a lot of times in BL about how they make these boys dickless. And there's this really lovely thing in La Pluie that Patts’s concern was Tai's pleasure. But they stop, because Tai isn't ready. And though Patts was a bit caught up in the moment, he catches himself. And they back off, and they have a conversation about what else is going on. Patts learns a little bit more about Tai—low key they played with some of the yaoi framing in that moment, because as big as Pee is, he crouches himself down and makes himself lower than Tai, and is kind of looking at, up at him in cute ways—because you'd expect Patts to be maybe the seme in this sort of framing—and they do that early on by putting Patts on the left with the date shit when Tai goes to see him, but Patts is queering that narrative by intentionally moving himself to the right when he's trying to get closer to Tai. 

When they're on their Chiang Mai trip, one of the most insane things this show does that I will never get over, is…they’re sharing the bed, both of them are awake. They know what's going to happen, we know what's going to happen, but everyone knows Tai is not exactly ready, because we haven't climbed that mountain yet. We haven't dealt with the core angst. We're both two men who are very attracted to each other, and we know we're attracted to each other—so they start to get hot and bothered, but Tai has them stop again, and Patts, our strongest soldier, pulls himself back again. But Tai, listening to his good sis Bow, is like ‘I can't keep leaving this man hanging, I can't keep starting these things and then not finishing it.’ He offers to blow Patts and it was very explicit that that's what happened. We know! 

It's so impressive to me that this show presented Tai giving Patts head as a way for him to maintain control over a sexual encounter. The whole notion about giving pleasure as a form of control is something we have not really seen explored in BL this way. I really liked that this show focused on the different ways that two men are going to become more physically and sexually comfortable with each other over time. And even after everything, after Tai has cast him aside, he still chooses to go back to Tai and try and reconcile with him, because he did lose his temper. And that was a scary moment. And I think I like that Patts losing his temper was made as jarring and scary as possible in the show, because I feel like really perfect characters need to have this intense rage about them. Because I have never met a chill pacifist in my life. The choice to be kind is so hard in a world full of cruelty, and I like that underneath the surface of Patts is a temper that he has to manage and maintain. I love my man.

Nini

I can't remember who it is, somebody put this on Tumblr: that Patts is kind but he's not always nice, and Tai is nice but that he's not always kind.

Ben

Exactly.

Nini

Tai seems like, you know, gentle and soft. But when it comes down to it, Tai is the one in the narrative who's actually kind of cruel? It's very interesting to put that on a romantic protagonist. How it ends up getting read is incredibly interesting, because that person is the romantic protagonist, it ends up getting…cast aside, and here I go back into Calvinism and the green flag label [laughs] that I thought I had ventilated with Bed Friend.

Ben

[laughs] As soon as you said that my third eye opened, and I was like—

Nini

Here I go again!

Ben

Where—where's my bat?

[both laugh]

Nini

I didn't get this out of my system the first time, somehow. But yeah, the way that that's received in a protagonist, the fact that the protagonist is kind of a little bit of a bitch boy, quite frankly [laughs], gets glossed over, and then the person who made a mistake has it sort of loom large.

1:32:06 - La Pluie: Depiction of Male Anger

Ben

I got a little bit mad about that with the fandom too like, we got all this bending over backwards week in and week out for Lomfon's rude ass and Tai’s rude ass. Patts loses his temper once, punches a boy, punches a wall, and we're like ‘oh! he's dangerous!’ And I'm like, ‘I hate this!’ 

And there's a lot more I want to unpack here in the future — this does not feel like the right time to do it, but we really need to talk about that at some point, as a community that engages with romance? Because we have a really fucked-up relationship with violence. Like, Patts, not leaving a mark on Lomfon was seen as egregious. Punching a door in frustration was seen as egregious. But like, Bad Buddy opens up with Pran shit-kicking Pat to the fucking ground, as these boys beat the shit out of each other!

Nini

I think like, it's a lot of things. It's a question of who gets to be angry, and how anger is portrayed, and men's anger, and the way that women—because of the way that we have to be socialized to protect ourselves, the way that we view men's anger that is sort of slightly different from how men will view men's anger? And how being familiar with certain kinds of angry expressions from men is, like, one of the reasons that women shrink from that kind of stuff. And there's so many women in BL fandom. 

Like I understood where that was coming from, but at the same time, the show is so legible. It's very legible that this is Patts…reaching the end of his rope, and it's very clear in the show that Patts would never actually hurt anybody. [laughs] He doesn't even really hurt Lomfon. Lomfon is fine! He gets his ass kicked a little bit, but he's fine!

Ben

As our great friend wen-kexing-apologist pointed out, this show has a makeup budget. My boy Tai got his shit fucked up on that mountain, and the makeup crew made sure he looked messed up even in that wet filming situation. They could have afforded to make that boy's mouth bruised the way it should have been for talking the way he was, and my man doesn't. And that's the thing that gets me. Like, everybody else is allowed to be an asshole, but Patts, who I believe deserves to be righteously angry about this shit going down at this point in their relationship—and it's like ‘aw, geez, I don't know about that brah.’ 

We see, through Patts’s relationship with Nara, that he would never actually hurt Tai. And that's why the intensity of his frustration I think should have been the focus, not the expression of it. I really resented the way it felt like everyone suddenly wanted to regulate Patts’s frustration. I hate the whole notion that he is only allowed to be upset in an attractive, gentle way. Because he's been gentle the whole goddamn time, and everyone has been so rude and disrespectful of him.

Nini

Like, there is room to talk about the expression of Patts’ frustration, but you can't have that room if you're using it in a reductive manner to just completely kick him out the window as a character. I don't buy that, I don't subscribe to it.

1:35:50 - La Pluie: Treatment of Nara

Ben

With Nara, we saw that Patts is capable of dealing with difficult romantic situations. Because Nara is treated so sympathetically about everything that went down with her and Patts. How she feels frustrated about Patts’s soulmate connection with Tai, long before they start talking, I think is valid. Because she felt frustrated. She felt frustrated that anytime it rains, Patts gets moody, and it feels like somebody else is in the middle of their relationship. And you got the sense from them accidentally making out in the rain one time, where Patts immediately cut it off and apologized, that he didn't want to put Tai through that, even before he knew who Tai was. I got that Nara felt frustrated that her intimacy was scheduled around the goddamn rain. She felt an innate jealousy in her own relationship that she knew she was struggling with and couldn't exactly cope with. It wasn't fair to either of them. Patts is like, ‘look if I can get rid of this I would, because I do care about you.’ 

Nara takes some time. She gets to reflect, she decides to grow. She knows that it's hard out here in these goddamn streets, and Patts is a keeper, and she tries to do the big romantic gesture. And that's why Tai liked her! Because that boy loves big romantic gestures! And Patts lets her down, he apologizes, he's like ‘I'm sorry I may have led you on, I want things to be okay between us. Because what happened between us was real, it mattered to me, and I still care about you even if I can't give you my heart like that anymore.’ Yeah, “we should stay friends” is kind of a cliche, but it feels earned here. 

And I also like that Nara got to be disappointed and heartbroken and upset about it too. I liked that people cared about how she felt. They wanted to reintegrate her into the group. The other vets liked Nara, even if she wasn't going to be Patts’ girlfriend anymore. But they understand that in the breakup, they're Patts’s friends. And you know those people respect relationship dynamics, because they didn't just look to Patts to see if Nara was okay to be around, they look to Saengtai, to see how the new person was going to feel about that—particularly because he just ran up a fucking mountain because of her—and he says it's okay, and they were so eager to reintegrate her into the group. 

And then she and Dream get to get rolling. And they let us have them at the end! She was like, ‘look, we only got five minutes left in this show, if you going to get this shit you better come correct and you better come now.’ And I loved that! Because the girlies deserved it.

Nini

She said, ‘I'm grown, give it your best shot.’

Ben

I saw some frustrations with the ending, and how a lot of the episode was Tai running around by himself, and meeting some random characters at the end, and…us not spending a lot of time with Patts, like Patts not really talking at the end? But it works for me. Tai had to deal with the silence, for the first time—that he inflicts silence on so many people, and now he's the one who has to sit in the shit that he made. 

And I liked him meeting a couple that had challenges to deal with in their relationship, and being told once again, ‘you just got to do the work bro, you gotta talk to each other, you gotta listen to what your partner is saying to you.’ And I like that the final scene with Tai and Patts is Tai not hesitating. 

Man! This show was so rewarding to watch because it wasn't trying to trick us.

Nini

The show was wearing its bona fides on the tin. It was very clear where it wanted to go, what it wanted to do. It wasn't playing with us. It wasn't trying to gotcha with us. It was just laying out its central idea, and continually reinforcing it throughout the story and the narrative for the entire way through. 

Does that make it, like, unpredictable and exciting? No. But it made it really enjoyable to watch: to watch something lay the path, and then walk the path, was more fun than it, I expected it to be, I have to say.

1:40:47 - La Pluie: The Side Characters

Nini

And, when we're talking about laying the path and walkin’ the path—man, let's just get to it, let's talk about Tien and Lomfon. 

Here are the polar opposites, okay, because in Tai and Patts, like you have an agnostic and an apostate, like they're not as far apart as somebody like Tien and Lomfon, who are a true believer and a total atheist. How do they get to the middle? All the shit that happens in the middle, especially, [laughs] how do they get through that and find their way through each other? Basically, Lomfon has to grovel, and I enjoy a good grovel, so I had a great time.

Ben

Here's the thing. My boy Tien deserves so much more than he got. My man initiated a gay pinky touch, and then Lomfon, was like, ‘hm! I don't know what's going on, but I know that I have these special signs from the universe about this stupid key chain, that I need to go kiss this boy's brother, not the one reaching out with the gay pinky touch while taking care of me while I'm sick, twice!’ I'm gonna stay mad at this man. [both laugh] 

This man ruined a gay pinky touch. Tien is so patient with both of them. Like Patts is beating up Lomfon, Tai is screaming at the universe, clearly suddenly they can all hear in the rain, Tien doesn't know what's going on—but he cuts through the bullshit right away with Lomfon, it's like, ‘I liked you! Why are you being like this?’ Even when Tai didn't realize what was going on, Tien holds back his own disappointment that his brother maybe didn't necessarily see him the right way, and still says, ‘thank you for always being on my left.’ 

Ahh! I love that boy so much! He's so good, he deserves so much more. He was dressing like an early 2000s lesbian the whole time, serving nothing but constant looks. He was so fun to watch, especially when he was being kind of sassy with everyone.

Nini

I like Tien as a character, I like his wardrobe…don't even get me started. That outfit he wore to the wedding? Unreal. I loved it so much.

Ben

I loved it. It's so good. Oh my god.

Nini

Un. Real.

Ben

That whole family looked good, like holy shit! [laughs]

Nini

We didn't even talk about Saengnuea! And oh god, we're never going to get forgiven by one of the clowns if we never even bring up Saengnuea.

Ben

He was so awkward and goofy! I, I liked that boy too. I loved Bow, I loved the vets—what's so great about the side characters with La Pluie, is they do their role just enough to help us understand the world in which these characters exist. Like Tai is surrounded by people trying to just pour love all over that boy, and he will just not let them. Patts is surrounded by a community that loves him, that wants the best for him, that wants to make sure that he gets what he deserves too. Oh my god, just—what an excellent show.

1:44:02 - La Pluie: Sequel Potential

Nini

The thing that I think that we want to end up on is, I said before that La Pluie is basically a filmed romance novel. If you are aware of how, like, these romance novels get set up—a lot of the time, it will be multiple stories set in the same universe, where each of the characters basically gets to fall in love. We know at least that the La Pluie people seem to want to get into all of the Saeng brothers and their various romances. I don't know if they will get to, but what do you think about the obvious setup for the Saengtien sequel at the end of the show, and this idea of going into, like, a Bridgerton-esque series of romances using all of the same characters? 

How do you feel about that?

Ben

Honestly…I’m a little bit nervous because I just worry that the audience won't respond to it really well. I feel like a significant portion of the audience just actively did not get La Pluie. They were really caught up in the soulmate stuff. And I just feel like a lot of the audience maybe didn't…gel with all the themes?

Nini

So as usual, Ben is the one thinking about everybody else while I very selfishly think about myself. [both laugh] And I'm just like, ‘give it to me.’ I'm ready, I'm here for it. I trust these writers, I trust this director, I think that if they get a chance to delve into this universe in more detail and focusing on different characters, I think that they can nail it? I'm ready to see what happens if they get a chance to do it. 

I don't care about whether people are going to get it correctly or not, I don't. I kind of care, but at the same time I don't care. So that being said: Ben, is this a ten or a chop?

Ben

La Pluie is probably in my top five BLs of all time, and it's probably in my top ten shows of all time right now. It's a 10. It's a 10. [laughs] It’s a 10!

Nini

All right? So for Ben it’s a 10, for me it’s definitely a 10, that leaves us with La Pluie as a 10 show!

1:46:01 - Outro

Ben

And we're back.

Nini

Okay Ben, so…lotta ink spilled over these two shows. I don't think I've seen so much meta being written, probably since the Bad Buddy era. We've got a strange combo here: a show that was incredibly legible, and then a show that made you work a little bit harder, and in both instances it feels like people didn't get it? [laughs] 

I don't know, what are your thoughts? What do you feel about this?

Ben

One of the big stories of this year is BL maturing as a genre and beginning to genre blend. Like in a lot of ways, La Pluie wants to straddle the line between BL and classic romance, and I think it does a pretty admirable job at it. Whereas Step by Step feels like the BL elements that it's trying to manage are holding it back from what it really wants to be. That feels like the sort of thing that inevitably happens with this type of outgrowth. 

La Pluie doesn't really want to say things sort of directly or inherently about queerness, it wants to talk about romance itself. And romance as a genre. Whereas Step by Step really wants to talk about queer stuff in a real world, and that's a whole lot messier to deal with. They both did some things really really well, and the audience connected to that. And what fascinated me so much about it was that the audience felt compelled to talk to each other about it. I felt like that happened maybe more organically on its own with Step by Step? Some of us kind of forced the issue on La Pluie. I know that I was part of it, like very, very directly, and it's been fun seeing people respond to that, by just us saying very earnestly: please tell us what you're thinking. And engaging with what people are writing. 

I think it's good for us and the genre to take it more seriously? It has been really fascinating for me seeing people engaging the way they are, but I legitimately feel a bit fatigued by it. And like, the last time I felt fatigue in BL, truly, was at the beginning. I know a lot of you don't watch as much content as I do, like you couldn't possibly do it, it's not healthy for you. I don't know how starved some of you have been for content that you can genuinely connect to, that can help you feel a little bit less lonely about yourself. And like I’d never gotten tired of queer cinema—I’d gotten hurt by it, but I'd never gotten, like, genuinely tired of just being in it that long. 

And I feel a little tired from all of the intense writing that La Pluie and Step by Step kind of demanded of us. It's a really fascinating time for me as a fan, to feel like the shows are demanding more of us as viewers, as we watch them, than to just be pleased by them or intrigued by them so that we'll engage and buy merch and stuff. It was really fascinating having two shows this season that really feel like they wanted us to think about things along with them.

Nini

I know that you and I have talked about that feeling of fatigue, like for me, this is the most anything I've watched in years. The level of exhaustion that I felt, and then to have these two shows sort of spring up at the end of the season, and demand—you’re correct—demand my attention…not just in terms of the shows themselves, but then in the reaction to the shows. It's sort of left me a little hollowed out, almost, a little wrung out? I don't know yet if in a good way or a bad way. It's yet to be seen. 

I remember saying to you at one point, I was like, I need something mindless to just sit and watch for the next couple of weeks, at least. Or, like, maybe longer, I just need something that I don't need to think about. And that's not a place that I'm accustomed to being in media? Because I am normally the let's get deep into it, let's get into the guts, put your arm in and come back with a beating heart kind of girl when it comes to the stories. And right now I'm just like, eh, I want something shallow and surface that I don't have to think too much about, please, just for a little while. And then I can re-engage my brain later. It's a very strange place for me to be in, I don't think it's a place that I've ever been in? But yeah these these two shows, they took it out of me, I gotta say. 

And that's how we end the season ladies and theydies! We are a little wrung out, and we'll probably talk about that a little bit more in the Lagniappe. But yeah! We tired, y'all. [laughs]

Ben

It’s gonna be fascinating, like, getting to listen back over this, because we talked really in the season about how slow it was for me to get into the spring season, coming off of the the winter hangover from Moonlight Chicken, Utsukushii Kare, My School President and The Warp Effect. And it's weird now at the end of the spring season, where…I don't necessarily feel like a tired hangover from it? It's a hard feeling to describe because the winter shows were really good, really hit something in me…

Nini

The winter shows were emotionally intense. There was like a heavy emotional hangover coming off of the winter. I don't feel that emotional hangover now, but I feel mentally drained.

Ben

Yeah, it's a far more cerebral feeling, and like the thing for me is, I grow stronger on that feeling. [both laugh] It's gonna be, it’s gonna be hard for me if these new shows don't keep up! ‘Cause, it's what I want! I do not want to yuck anyone's yums, like, there is absolutely a place for fluff in this genre. I will never, ever vote against the silly and fun shows. I just also really love meaty shows that make me think really hard while I'm watching them. And I love when that feels intentional—like we do a lot of hard thinking on our own about these shows, but damn is it satisfying when it feels like the show itself is in that conversation with us. And I really hope that this isn't the last time we have an Adult Swim episode because we got a bunch of really thinky shows to think about. 

Like, I was very harsh to Step by Step when we talked about that show, but I don't want Tee to stop thinking as hard as he does. I want him to stay in the guts of trying to unpack where queer people fit in modern Thai cinema. That's a really important thing to figure out, and queer people should be part of that conversation. And like even if I didn't think this was the best execution of his ideas, I don't want that conversation to get missed because his show didn't land consistently for everyone.

Nini

I'm tired y'all. I'm so tired.

Ben

[laughs] I’m so energized. Keep it coming.

Nini

My brain hurts! And this is the shit that I normally love, but my brain, it hurts, and my brain, she needs a break! And so, a break she shall have. [laughs] 

We'll be back at you next time with the Lagniappe, but that's it for us now! We are just going to wrap it up on Adult Swim. 

Our first Adult Swim episode: may there be others. We out! Say bye to the people, Ben.

Ben

Peace.

[sunshinechay]

So I was watching the new La Pluie episode and seeing everyone’s reactions and it finally hit me as to why I love Tai and his narrative so much.

The narrative is allowing him to make the worst, the most ugly choice, but more than that. It is letting him be unlikeable. Especially in a non traditional way.

The most memorable non likeable protagonist to me is Emma Woodhouse from Emma (I think I also might have Austen on the brain from Step By Step don’t judge me). She is vain and arrogant and generally doesn’t listen to a lot of people until she has finally alienated so many people in her life that she is forced to stop and to ask herself, “am I the problem here?” When she realizes the answer is yes, she goes about at least attempting to improve. She apologizes to the people she’s hurt, trying to be more humble and learn more humility and to generally be a better person. She is not the most amazing person by the end, but she is better and she will continue to work on herself the further in life she gets.

I see a similar thing happening to Saengtai. While he is not rude or vain or arrogant (hence non traditional unlikability) but he is that guy who will just, not say anything. He is the person who will ghosts his kind of ex because he doesn’t know how to start the hard conversation. He can’t help but make a lot of things about himself and his struggles and his problems, even when they’re not. I mean, he holds a grudge against his mother for 2 years about the divorce and her getting remarried but never bothers to attempt to ask her about anything, about how she feels about the divorce or her remarriage. He is selfish and self cantered and conflict avoidant to fault. He feeds into Tien’s belief that his feelings don’t matter by never noticing when his brother is struggling, up to and including Tien’s feelings for Lomfon. Again this might be unintentional but it is no less selfish.

I really love that about his character. That he is allowed to act that way without being portrayed as the bad guy or the villain. He is now being afforded the opportunity to grow and reflect upon himself. He starts that this episode with apologizing to Tien and having that open discussion with his parents and brother. His parents had to start the conversation because of how much they left out of their initial explanation of their divorce to their children but it is still proves to be a learning opportunity for him and I believe Tien as well. I don’t mind this as I think it would be good (though a little cliche and trope-y) for Tai’s big attempt at communicating and communicating effectively be with Patts (I love cliches and tropes and I’m not sorry about it haha). His parents know and understand in the way that Tai thinks Patts should already and are thus able to better understand and predict what Tai is upset about and what he needs to talk about the most. Patts however, has no such ability.

I’m almost hoping that Tai’s first attempt kind of fails as no attempt at a conversation is perfect and miscommunication happens, so it’s important it make sure you try and again and again, especially when you know the other person is as important to you as Patts is to Tai. Plus Patts deserves to have Tai fight for him. He’s been through so much and I think it would go a long way for Patts to be able to see that Tai isn’t going to give up when his first try goes badly.

I also really liked his meeting with Lomfon. Perhaps not the ending, but I don’t blame him for Patts’s reaction either. Tai had no reason to believe that Patts would show up. He just wanted to clear the air with Lomfon and offer his support and friendship. Both Lomfon and Tai are in a very similar position to one another so it’s no surprise to me that Tai finds it the easiest to talk with him and forgive him.

I can’t wait to see Tai develop even more next episode. He is taking responsibility for his actions, for what he is has said and what he hasn’t. I also hope that he will continue to work on it through the episode. This show’s writing has been on point this entire time and so I’m really hoping for a good ending that ties everything together.

[rocketturtle4]

Lomfon thoughts

So I read a bunch of la pluie meta but this post by @fadelikeclouds got me really thinking about Lomfon and his decision making, because it made so much sense to a logical brain. 

He made all the wrong choices, and he shouldn’t have done it, this isn’t a defence post it’s just a follow his logic post.

Prior to this episode we know

He doesn’t believe in soulmates (jut randomly similar wavelengths) - very logical 

(although I thought we’d get an emotional foundation for that - e.g. maybe one of his parents left becuase they found their soulmate, but it doesn’t seem like it anymore??). 

sudden soulmate bond is weird

Established link to an unknown person through a keychain. 

So here he is trying to figure out what on earth it means that he’s suddenly connected to Tai, a man he latched onto based on one conversation where he felt they really connected and basically nothing else (other than Tai’s continuing to be polite when they meet). This is big logic brain energy to me, he has gone:

ah this is a person I like for logical reasons like mutual interest, he is my crush now.

then we have two things happen (one slowly one quickly)

1. he gets feelings for Tien (slowly, illogically, over time)

2. he becomes Tai’s soulmate (suddenly and illogically). (and it’s only once so did it even happen or will it happen again?)

So he’s left with two hypotheses

1. He likes Tai (and Tai is his soulmate...is Tai his soulmate?)

2. He likes Tien

Asking Patts to solve it

The only defence statement I will say is that Lomfon made 1 SINGLE attempt to not be selfish, this was when he approached Patts and told him the truth, this was him reaching out in his confusion to discuss it. and Patts shut. him. down. (For perfectly good reasons don’t get me wrong) (especially since Lomfon doesn’t say he can hear both of them - confirmation bias for sure I saw a post about this sorry I don’t remember which one)

So this leaves Lomfon in a bit of a bind, WHAT DOES HE FEEL? Because he genuinely doesn’t know friends, he’s so confused is Lomfon. 

Asking Tien to solve it

Next we have him try to abdicate responsibility by asking Tien to solve his problem (without providing ANY CONTEXT). This obviously doesn’t yield his desired answer and he is once again confronted with his feelins for Tien with the little pinky touch. 

So he’s tried Patts, he’s tried Tien and who is left? Tai. 

Asking/Forcing Tai to solve it

and if he’s seeing Tai, he first needs to check if they are soulmates, prove that they are, because that’s the only way things will matter to Tai. 

So he picks a day it will rain and asks to meet. 

and then he waits for it to rain. 

Now I genuinely believe that the confession/kiss bit was pushed by the keychain revelation, that had definitely not been the plan. But he finally found his ‘first love’ and it’s also his soulmate, and he HAS TO KNOW DANG IT, so he kisses Tai, to check his own feelings (another wrong choice). 

And then he apologises

Why?

Because it was the wrong decision? ah der 

Because Tai didn’t want it? also clearly

Or maybe partly because...he didn’t feel anything.

We don’t get to properly see his response beyond this, because everything becomes a big mess and poor Tien is left outside of the conversation (and outside of the camera shots) while the three soulmates yell and fight and then...the connection is gone...and

Tien is there, and Tien is angry and dang it doesn’t Tien understand that Lomfon NEEDS to understand because Tien believes in soulmates and Tai is Lomfons soulmates and dang it Tien, I needed to know and it doesn’t concern you.

Except it does...

And now he’s ruined everything.

I want him to dwell in his consequences for sure, but I also hope that he grows into someone who can make Tien happy, because Tien fricken deserves it. 

[slayerkitty]

@lurkingshan poked at me and said I should write out my thoughts about Tai in relation to being a middle child of divorced parents and why he’s acting the way he is. I can’t promise this is gonna be any kind of coherent, cause ya’ll, this episode hit me in feels I haven’t had since I was a kid, but I’ve cranked my BL OST playlist and I’m gonna give it a shot. 

So, first things first - I am a middle child (one older sister, one younger brother) of divorced parents. My parents divorced when I was pretty young (six-ish?). My mother remarried when I was eight, and she and my step-father divorced when I was sixteen. So when I say I relate so hard to Tai and how he processes...life, it’s kinda scary.  

Let’s back up though and talk about a couple of things that are gonna apply to Tai here that obviously wouldn’t in a normal situation like this as we aren’t all living in a soulmate AU. 

Like most, if not all soulmate AU’s, society has placed pressure and expectation on those who meet the criteria of the world they’re based in. That means from the moment Tai was old enough to understand language (as young as one-two, he probably understood that sometimes mom and dad can’t hear him when it rains) and by the time he was school age, I would assume that he knows and understands his parents can “hear” each other when it rains, and that means (says who? I mean really, who decided this?) that his parents are soulmates. This is something that is an inherent, ingrained part of their culture as well as their family dynamic. 

(Side note: I cannot remember if Tai said how young the hearing loss starts, just that I think at twenty, you would start to hear your “soulmate” when it rained)

So picture Tai, a middle child with three other siblings who craves attention and validation, finding out that of his siblings, he’s the only one who’s like his parents. There’s a post by @syrena-del-mar here who goes more in depth about the sibling’s birth order and what it means for each of their characters and personalities; middle child syndrome is a real thing (*points to self*). Tai having this connection with his parents when his other siblings didn’t would be so meaningful to him. I would even say it might make it more impactful. It’s also clearly made Tai put more intense expectations and beliefs onto his parents marriage as a result (as well as shaped his expectations and beliefs about his own future relationship with his “soulmate”). 

(Side note #2: before I launch into the next part, I just want to say that I’m not blaming or defending any characters. They all did/are doing what they think is best at the time. I don’t believe any one specific character’s behaviors are malicious. That doesn’t mean they made good decisions either, though. Just wanted to put that out there, lol.)

So, now that I’ve laid out some extremely wordy groundwork, let’s fast forward to Tai’s parents telling the kids about the divorce. Firstly, while I know that Tai’s parents wanted to tell all the kids together, I gotta say, your son’s twentieth birthday (you know, the son who has the same hearing loss/soulmate thing going on that they do) is probably not the best move. What that means is they’ve essentially taken a day that Tai is celebrated and supposed to feel special and ruined it. I don’t know any kid that wouldn’t be utterly crushed by news of their parents divorce on their birthday. Now magnify that with both the ingrained societal and familial expectations that are on the parent’s relationship, as well as the extra meaning Tai has placed on it because he also has hearing loss. 

Now that we’ve processed that agony (hahahaha no we haven’t lol and neither has Tai), let’s talk about what happens next. Tai immediately blames his mother for their splitting up and his father leaving. When that doesn’t garner a real response (his parents do not say much here and it’s so frustrating because if they’d just explain, I think they would have saved so much heartache, but like I said, they did the best they knew how at the time). 

(Side note #3: I have a sixteen year old son and he said something to me that was super profound about a family situation we had, that we hadn’t really filled him in on. He eventually came and asked me about it. I explained the situation to him and when I mentioned that we hadn’t told him about it because we didn’t want to him to worry, he countered with the following: “I’m not stupid. I knew something was going on; you guys not telling me about it only made me worry more and blow it out of proportion in my head. I was gonna worry about it either way, the not knowing made it worse.” Pretty sure this applies to Tai and his siblings.) 

Tai’s dad moves out, like right then, and when his son is literally chasing him down the street and screaming for him, keeps walking. Tai goes home, a sobbing mess, it rains, and he hears Patts for the first time. What does he do? He says silent. This moment, that afternoon, his parents divorce, and his father leaving have damaged Tai and his entire belief system. 

As the child of a mother who’s been divorced twice (and is advocate of divorce, because I believe that it’s more harmful to stay married if you don’t want to be/aren’t in love anymore/etc), let me tell you - divorce is traumatic. Especially when you don’t fully explain why to your children (of any age - it doesn’t matter that Tai and his siblings are all in their teens or older); a lot of children feel like it’s their fault, that their parents don’t love them anymore, that they’ve been abandoned by the parent that “leaves”, to name a few issues. 

Right then and there, the moment the rain starts and Patts speaks, Tai develops his coping mechanism. There’s been a lot of focus on Tai’s conflict avoidance, but to me, it’s more than that. Tai isn’t just avoiding conflict. He’s avoiding any and everything that could potentially hurt him. I like to picture him as a turtle, pulled up into his shell where nothing can get through. His relationship with his parents is rough (though it’s better with his dad than his mom because literally up to today’s episode, it’s clear he was still blaming her for the divorce and for remarrying. I wish we’d get more on why he blames her for the divorce so much). 

Tai’s relationship with his brothers (other than Tien) is... distant (for lack of a better word). Aside from the birthday flashback, we have not seen the four of them together in a scene until today’s episode. The one scene we did get of Tai and his older brother was brief and while his brother did give Patts a shovel talk, Tai and his brother didn’t come over all that close. I believe the reasons Tien is so close to Tai is actually more about Tien and less about Tai (but that’s a separate post) and is probably also because Tai and Tien went to live with their dad while the other two brothers stayed with their mom. 

Now picture this: you are Tai, poking out of your turtle shell for the first time in two years and letting yourself fall in love with your soulmate. Of course you want to do what ever you can to avoid anything bad happening to the relationship (running off instead of confronting Patts and Nara, lying to Patts about his “date” with Lomfon, refusing to answer Patts when they argued). In Tai’s mind, he’s saving himself from potential heartache. 

When Patts confronts Tai in the rain and later at the apartment, asking if Tai loves him, etc (which he is justified in asking), it’s literally the worst thing he could do. Patts shouldn’t have to ask; he should know. In Tai’s mind, he’s explained about his parents’ divorce and how much that affected him and Patts knows how upset he was because Patts is aka “the kind one”. Tai, not understanding why Patts doesn’t just know how Tai feels about him (those pesky beliefs about soulmates are ingrained even with a broken connection) is too much. Patts pushes too hard (probably because he was drunk) and in that moment, Tai’s worst most absolute fear comes true. 

He tells Patts they should break up and Patts agrees. The moment what he’s done hits him is staggering; his expression is one of terror. To Tai, in that moment, he has become his mother. Patts is his father, walking out with the suitcase and leaving Tai behind. What’s left then for Tai to do, but pull himself back into his shell? He can’t talk to Patts, he tried to stop Patts the moment the words “lets break up” left his mouth but it was too late. In Tai’s mind, Patts has to be the one to come to him because Tai tried to stop him from leaving, but Patts left anyway. He feels like Patts is done with him, so Tai going to Patts would just be opening himself up to more heartache. His self preservation instincts won’t let him. 

TL;DR: Tai’s (in)actions are a trauma response because he is a middle child of divorced soulmate parents. 

[lurkingshan]

Which of your posts are you fondest of/proudest of?

Thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about the La Pluie Meta Round Up. It is without a doubt the thing I am proudest of doing on this website.

A bit of lore for you, anon. @bengiyo and I became obsessed with this show early on, because we keyed into what it was doing by way of subverting major romance tropes as well as showcasing a more authentic experience of male sexual desire than we typically get in bl. And despite its brilliance, hardly anyone was watching, and half the people who were didn’t get what the show was doing. So we decided we absolutely were not going to be normal about it.

The not so secret secret is that I created this meta round up explicitly to encourage more people to post about this show. And it worked. Other folks who were watching and understood what the show was doing started writing masterpieces about its brilliance. I met some awesome people like @sunshinechay and @syrena-del-mar and my bestie @neuroticbookworm because of their writing about this show. We built a little community around it and even if most of tumblr wasn’t watching or getting it, our small but mighty meta army was having the time of our lives.

And I’ve been so pleased to see @ranchthoughts doing something similar on Only Friends with the ephemerality squad and the weekly round ups she’s posting. I love writing and talking about the shows on here in community, so I will always be most proud and excited of the posts that bring us together.

[bengiyo]

Patts Was Going to Blow Tai. Tai Wanted It. Why That Matters.

Greetings, fellow clowns. I am here once again to gush about La Pluie. This time, I’m here to talk about how they’re pacing the sex in this show, and why I hope this is going to become the new norm in genre.

(gifs in this post borrowed from @wanderlust-in-my-soul, used with permission)

At the end of episode four, the end of episode five, and the beginning of episode 6, this show has shown us that Patts physically desires Saengtai. Their first kiss when Tai was drunk lacked any nervousness or uncertainty.

He checked him out four times when he accidentally walked into his room.

He kisses this man with a relief that only someone pining for a long time can feel.

I highly suspect that Tai is a virgin, but he is not embarrassed our shy about that. Tai is a romantic who literally reads Nora Roberts novels to calm down when he gets too excited (@syrena-del-mar​). We know Tai is a romantic who has recoiled inward from the disappointment about his parents. We know that connecting with Patts has reawakened much of this desire in him. What has been a quiet part of this show is how much the show is quietly affirming that Tai is a man. This is significant for me because of all the ways BL/yaoi often creates an uke for the women in the readership to project onto.

In episode four, at the end of the scene where Tai reads Patts’ letter, he jumps backwards onto the bed, and the show lets Title’s bulge bounce briefly. In episode six, we see what appears to be an intentional fold in his boxers to represent his dick print. Then, after he takes his shower, Tai is still thinking about their intimacy on the floor and the show uses sound effects to indicate that he’s still aroused from the moment. This show wants us to remember that these are two guys, and as such they’re approaching m/m intimacy a bit differently than we normally see from the genre.

After they begin kissing a bit, Tai leans into the moment, signified by an effective use of a prop. As a glasses wearer myself, I might have been more careful with my glasses, but I’m not a horny virgin caught up in the moment!

Patts was clearly fine with Tai being on top of him, and only turns them because he’s intending to do something else for him. See @wen-kexing-apologist​‘s post for a more extensive examination of the hands.

I can’t find the posts where we spoke about this before on Tumblr, but I don’t know a lot of folks in my life who are going to go a dinner with spicy foods and then immediately go back home and have anal sex (often with no lube in BL, though we’ve been seeing condoms more lately). There are so many things guys can do with each other long before that particular act, and this felt like the natural progression of their intimacy for the level they’re at.

We’ve also seen repeatedly how much regard Patts has for Saengtai. When he took him to dinner, he explicitly stated that he wants to know the things that Saengtai likes. He wants to take care of him. He wants things to be nice for him. There’s an asymmetry to giving and receiving head that I don’t think we see covered enough in BL. Patts wanted to do something to make Tai feel good.

Tai was clearly into it.

However, because they were caught up in the heat of the moment, and Patts has a good read on Tai, he stops it.

I am so glad this show was willing to show that Patts had to summon his restraint and allowed him to display a bit of frustration about slowing down. It makes him feel real. He’s waited seven years to be with his soulmate, and it turns out they’re compatible! However, there’s no turning off their telepathic connection. Patts wants to do this right. It’s important to do things right.

I need someone who’s more versed in the yaoi framing around seme and uke to look at the couch scene again, because it felt significant that Patts moved himself to the right side of the frame when he wanted to be closer to Saengtai (something he also did in the restaurant with the dad). I think Patts is showing us and Tai that he is willing to adjust himself to any role he needs for Tai’s comfort, which is his primary goal. It also felt significant that he softened more than he has up to this point to reassure Tai that he can want big romantic moments for himself.

I also loved how intentionally Patts removed his hands from Tai when it was clear Tai wanted him to stop touching.

I have a lot I love about this show. I love how it’s subverting the soulmate trope by having Tai and Patts take their time with each other to figure out what kind of relationship they want to have. I like how they’re doing that even as their friends and families are all-but-rushing them into bed with each other.

This show is special, and I cannot state how relieved I was by how this show has avoided faking us out about sexual desire and tension. I like that this show released the tension built up from the last season in a way that also let us learn more about the characters, and let them learn about each other. I’m going to need this to be the year more BL characters blow each other for the plot.

Thank you for coming to my post.

Special shoutouts to @lurkingshan​ and @ginnymoonbeam​ as well for talking through all the ways La Pluie has been playing with and using romance genre expectations.

[heretherebedork]

The fact that Tien ended up outside while everyone else had a place to go just ripped my heart out Everyone else had a home or a friend or a place that they belonged and have belonged in this series but Tien has never had that. Tien doesn't have a dorm room that we've seen, doesn't have a room in a parent's home, he has no space that is his alone and so he ends up outside, alone and outside, still wet, the only one who didn't have a place he could and change clothing and be in a familiar place or have the comfort of shelter.

Tien is always the one who has given to others, from rushing across the city to his brother in the middle of a rain storm to chasing after him again to taking care of Lomfon to waiting for Tai outside their mother's just to be insulted... Tien is the one who is there for others and there is no one there for him because he knows very well how to cover up his pain.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Body Language in La Pluie Ep 12

I told @bengiyo the other day that I didn’t know that I had much more to say on La Pluie, because I thought the show was perfect and when it’s perfect I don’t have a lot fo analysis to write up at the very end. 

“For you, Captain Hands, who writes 20,000 word essays, that is unacceptable” 

But I was truly at a loss for what I could talk about because this whole show was phenomenal and I was seeing such good meta coming out from so many other people, I felt like most of it was covered. So I consulted the clowns and they were like “baby you’re a one trick pony, you know what you need to write about…body language,” and I went ‘oh yeah you’re right!” 

So here is a breakdown of the body language in the two confession scenes in Episode 12: Tien and Lomfon, Tai and Patts. 

Tien and Lomfon 

Judging for the sheer number of gifs of this moment, it appears Tien and Lomfon’s reconciliation and kiss was universally beloved in the fandom. And I can understand why because it is 

So 

Fucking 

Good 

Because Suar is 

So 

Fucking 

Good 

And because Copter is delivering his best performance of the show. 

So let’s just jump right in, I want to start at the very beginning of this confession because there is a lot happening in the classroom itself. The scene opens with the film teacher calling Lomfon’s name, and asking if he is ready to present. The camera cuts to a semi-close up of Lomfon’s face:

Now, generally speaking, I think Copter has a long way to go in his acting, particularly around how mobile he makes the lower half of his face, because he rarely tends to move it. But it cannot and will not be denied, that Copter has some truly expressive eyes and Lomfon’s anxious energy does bleed through in the way he sets his jaw, his shoulders, how his eyes are shining. Up until this point, Lomfon has approached almost every single possible romantic moment completely wrong, and fucked with the lives of Tien, Tai, and Patts for the sake of better understanding his own feelings. He realizes that he likes Tien, he knows Tien likes him, or that he did at one point and that he may have fucked that up. So he has absolutely no idea what this is going to do, if it will help or hurt, but he has to try it anyway, so the movie starts to play. 

Tien, notably, is very intentionally looking at the ground. He will not meet Lomfon’s eye, he will not seem interested in the film, he will not give Lomfon the time of day. Lomfon blew up three people’s lives, and didn’t seem all that remorseful about it. The film starts, and a compilation of Tien’s radiant smile graces the scene, and Tien is for the first few moments, completely unaware. That is, until the rest of the class starts visibly, physically reacting to what is airing on screen. At which point Tien risks a tentative glance towards the screen…

And sees himself over and over and over again, in so many private little moments that Lomfon has captured. And where first his eyes were transfixed on the floor, they are now transfixed on the screen. Everyone in the entire classroom has turned their eyes away from the screen and straight towards Tien, and Tien and Lomfon become the only two people in the room that are watching the movie. 

The film continues, unrelenting clips of Tien as seen through Lomfon’s eyes, and though Lomfon told Tien he would show him he cares through his actions, that is not what Tien needs. And there is a moment, though it is small, where you can see Tien’s anger/frustration click in to place. 

It’s right here, in the inhale, in the setting of his jaw, slightly crooked as he continues to process exactly what he is seeing, exactly what Lomfon has done. And he pries his eyes away from the screen, slowly meets Lomfon’s eye for the first time since their fight, and does not break eye contact until his friend leans over and asks the question “Tien, how come you’re the thing from Lomfon’s heart?” at which point the spell is broken, the anger boils over, and Tien, being the third child who has his head on straight and is used to suppressing his own emotional state, rockets out of the room with a bitter, half-assed “I have to use the bathroom” excuse everyone can see through. 

This is not the reaction that Lomfon was expecting based on the way his body is turned to face Tien, the way his jaw has dropped just a touch, the way his eyes are glued to Tien and following him out the door. Lomfon is clearly surprised and slightly distressed to see Tien flee the room like that, clearly upset, and he is up and running after him within a few seconds, determination setting in his face. 

Tien is hustling, even as Lomfon is running after, even as Lomfon is calling his name hurried and slightly panicked. It is not until Lomfon calls out “Don’t go” that Tien stops, but not for long. He pauses just long enough to decide whether or not he is going to read Lomfon the riot act, or just walk away and hope that ends the conversation forever. Tien spins on his heel and starts swinging right out of the gate. 

“Why did you do that?” and his weight shifts a lot as he settles into place, and Lomfon matches his energy, also shifting around a lot as he grinds to a halt. 

“That’s the topic ‘A message from the heart’”

Tien is pissed now, like well and truly pissed. Even in the rain, even after Lomfon blew apart his brother’s life, Tien was calm, even-keeled, almost withdrawn when it came to his own pain. He was loud and aggressive, and very clearly livid when it came to what Lomfon did to Tai and Patts, but when Lomfon shouted in his face “I want to know my heart. I want to know who I like, what does that have to do with you?” his disappointment was palpable, but he responds in the softest voice ever.

Here though, it is time for him to be mad on his own behalf:  “Then why was I in your video? What are you going to say?” 

And Lomfon does look upset, and slightly vulnerable in this moment in the way his mouth is open, in the way his eyes are laser focused on Tien, in the way his eyebrows are slightly crooked like he is furrowing his brow: “I already told you, I would show you with my actions” because that is supposed to be obvious. I mean, Lomfon blatantly told Tien this before he ever showed the film. 

But that is the wrong answer. Tien, frustrated, turns back around to storm off because as @neuroticbookworm has already discussed, conversation is what needs to happen, not grand gestures. Grand gestures from Lomfon are what got everyone in to the messes they are in, grand gestures are not what is going to get him out. Tien will not entertain grand gestures in the slightest. 

“I did this because I like you!” Lomfon shouts to Tien’s back, and that’s what gets him to pause. 

And my refusal to learn how to make gifs bites me in the ass because Suar absolutely demolishes a micro-expressive face journey in this scene, there are at least four internal monologues Tien is cycling through as he listens to Lomfon’s speech. There is surprise, suspicion, annoyance, and slowly, slowly he begins to soften, and soften, and soften as Lomfon continues to say the right things. Like, legitimately, seriously I feel like I can tell when Tien’s stomach twists and heart picks up from the way Suar is moving his face. 

Which leads us to the best bit of acting that Copter has done the entire show: 

“I know that I like you. I like you very much. I like you so much that I don’t know what to do. I like you so much that I think if I don’t tell my feelings to you, I will regret it for the rest of my life” and he says the whole thing in tears. His face crumpling, his lip trembling, his eyes red. Tien’s back is turned throughout the monologue but he too is fighting back tears, because he can hear Lomfon’s voice, he can hear it waver and crack, he can hear Lomfon sniffling. And the camera reinforces that by cutting to Tien’s turned back twice during the monologue, his face moving almost imperceptibly as he listens, really listens to what Lomfon has to say. 

And when Lomfon falls silent, Tien turns to face him. 

I think it was @kyr-kun-chan who said “I like that when Tien turns around I can’t tell if he is going to kiss Lomfon or punch him” and honestly same. Like, looking at Tien’s face here, his eyes don’t match his mouth. His mouth is soft, slightly open, willing to forgive Lomfon, but his eyes don’t have their typical shine. There is a seriousness in them we haven’t seen that often. Tien is thinking, he is processing, he is calculating, and then the camera pans out to a wide shot.

Which makes me crazy over the costuming and positionality. Tien and Lomfon stand in completely the opposite places as where they sit in the classroom. Tien stands so that his entire chest is exposed to the audience, but closed off to Lomfon. Lomfon stands so that his whole chest is exposed to Tien, but closed off from the audience because Lomfon is pouring his heart out to Tien, and Tien is keeping his own reactions to Lomfon’s confession to himself. 

Tien’s face crumples and he barrels towards Lomfon, and similar to @kyr-kun-chan, Lomfon does not seem particularly certain whether he is about to have lips or a fist planted on him. 

Eyes transfixed on Tien’s face, eyebrows furrowed as he tries to decipher the look on Tien’s face, eyes still red cause he’s been crying, and then BOOM:

I am sure everyone has seen this kiss scene a million times, either rewatching the scene or reblogging the gifs, so I am not going to talk about the kiss, BUT I WILL TALK ABOUT THE HANDS BECAUSE I AM SO INTRIGUED BY HOW THEY HANDLED THE HANDS IN THIS KISS. 

So obviously, we start with the moment above, where the kiss itself is the center/focal point, but Tien’s hand is completely visible. His fingers comfortable and curled, and digging in to Lomfon’s neck to stabilize him from the force of the kiss. Tien sinks lower, because he is shorter, and his hand helps keep Lomfon pressed against him as he settles. And that is all well and good, and I love the shape Tien’s fingers make here. But then we get to some shots that are truly a marvel to me, they confused the hell out of me in the best possible way, in the way that makes me want to question the cinematographer because the next time the camera focuses on something other than the actual kiss, we get close ups, but these close ups are of a shoulder and a back. The only thing truly interesting to look at in those shots, to me at least, is the hands. But the hands are cut off. We don’t see Lomfon’s fingers at all, we don’t see precisely the way that he is holding Tien in the way that we see how Tien is holding Lomfon.

And it is fascinating to me, that the close ups cut off Tien’s fingers, like we see his thumb stroke Lomfon’s back a little, we see Tien’s hand move up Lomfon’s shoulder and further out of frame. And it intrigues me so much, because when Tai and Patts have their kisses, their hands are constantly visible, you can see it when Tai squeezes Patts’ back, you can see it when Patts scratches Tai’s back, you can see it when Patts is grabbing at whatever piece of skin he can so he can steady Tai on his lap while he kisses down his chest. But here, Tien and Lomfon’s hands are rarely completely visible. In fact, when never see Lomfon’s entire hand during the kiss, one is out of frame for most of it, with his fingers flat and therefore barely visible across Tien’s shoulder blade, the other buried in Tien’s hair so deep you can’t see anything.

And Tien’s hand(s) are only completely visible when the camera pans out on the kiss, rather than when it pushes in on their bodies. 

Which works so well for me, because it is so counter to Tai and Patts. As I said, when Patts and Tai make out, their hands are always visible, the camera pushes out to a wide shot and their bodies are making beautiful shapes. But that isn’t happening here, when the camera does a wide shot, Tien and Lom are standing pretty straight, with some distance between their bodies. They aren’t playing around too much with sensation, and with the reveal at the end of a possible sequel, it makes sense that we wouldn’t see a fully formed picture of what intimacy between Lomfon and Tien looks like. 

What we do get to see, however, is how Tien and Lomfon are personally impacted by this kiss, by this confirmation of their mutual interest in one another:

gif by @piningintrovert

GOD I WILL NEVER GET OVER THE LOOK ON TIEN’S FACE WHEN THEY FINALLY PART. The way his eyebrows furrow, the bliss on his face, that Oh. moment when Tien realizes how good it felt. The way Lomfon smiles and the way Tien beams and how Lomfon, having learned his lesson, tells Tien that he’s happy, tells Tien he will have to get used to him smiling, tells Tien he will see that smile every day. You know communicates. 

In summary, this is a beautifully handled, beautifully performed scene and I want to give mad props to Suar and Copter for how they navigated this moment. 

Tai and Patts

Now let’s talk Title and Pee, or rather Tai and Patts during Tai’s confession, which was another beautiful performance by our two leads. A truly underrated moment that I don’t see getting enough love from the fandom considering I have seen a total of one gifset of it, and because it is the most perfect confession Tai could ever give to Patts. 

After spending multiple days looking all over Chang Mai for his boyfriend, Tai finally spots him giving a little girl her kitten back and calls after him. And the look in Tai’s eyes, the way his mouth is agape, Tai looks like he’s seeing a ghost, like he scarcely believes that what he is seeing is real, that Patts is really here, that Tai has really found him. 

And because they are perfect for each other, Patts looks…exactly the same. Just, much more haggard like he has not slept well the entire time he and Tai have been separated. Patts, respectfully, looks like shit. 

As he should because he is fucking heartbroken. Tai approaches slowly, tentatively, like he doesn’t know what to expect, like he is no longer certain of his place in Patts’ life. And even though Tai is moving slowly, Patts is still not fully processing what is happening. Tai approaches and Patts stays firmly rooted in place, but he is leaning slightly away from Tai, like he still isn’t sure this is real, like he needs to get a better look at Tai to be certain. 

When Patts sees Tai his eyes go wide, he blinks, he swallows like he isn’t sure of his place in Tai’s life anymore. He is paralyzed trying to figure out what Tai is doing here, if he’s about to have his heart healed or broken further. 

Tai, of course, immediately bursts in to tears, as is his god given right. And good golly miss molly, Title is fantastic at getting Tai’s tears off the ground. He looks at Patts, the man he loves, the man he has failed, the man he has hurt, his eyes start to well, his nostrils flare, his lip trembles and he starts his confession. 

“You know what? For these past few days I have been looking for you. I’m so terrified that I can’t see you again. I’m terrified you don’t want to meet me anymore.” 

And, I mean, props to Tai for being honest, but goddamn, Patts is already Straight Up Not Having a Good Time Right Now and telling him you were worried that he wouldn’t ever want to see you again has got to feel like a knife is being twisted to him, knowing how much Patts loves Tai. Seeing how haggard he is from being away from Tai for only a few weeks, how close to tears he is just from seeing Tai’s face. 

“You don’t have to say anything,” Tai continues, which is wonderful, because Patts has always been the person to reach out. The first to use the soul mate link, the only one to talk through it for the first two years, Patts was the one who approached Tai in the coffee shop, Patts initiated and stopped their first intimate moments, Patts is the one who tried to face their problems head on after the fight with Lomfon, and to follow up after their fight over how Patts handled the Lomfon situation. But Patts is in so much shock from seeing Tai here, where he thought he couldn’t be found that he hasn’t said a word anyway. 

“This time, please let me say it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I acted stupid, I was selfish, I was too emotional. I didn’t talk to you well, I let it slide until it’s bad like now.” he says through shaky breath. 

And then Tai looks down, gathering his strength, gathering his words, but bearing the weight of the shame and sadness he feels for how his failure to properly communicate has hurt Patts.

“You know, I had not idea that the sound of rain could be so hurtful and lonely,” and I love that when Tai says “the sound of rain” he looks up at the sky. Like he is looking for rain clouds, like he is expecting rain.

“As for all of the soulmate things I was curious about, I know that through myself, Lomfon, my parents. I know that now. Love is about two people, it doesn’t need destiny to pave. I don’t care whether you are my soulmate or not. The most important thing is our feelings.”

Patts nods slightly, and bites his lip. Now, there are a number of ways I think it is possible to read Patts’ face in the next couple of close ups, but I personally read them very much as Patts steeling himself to be officially broken up with. 

“What’s most important is our feelings” Tai says, Patts braces himself to hear that Tai does not feel love for him anymore. 

“Do you remember? There was a time when you asked me whether saying “I love you” was hard?”

gif by @liyazaki

“No Patts, it’s not hard,” and Patt’s face falls, his lip starts to tremble. “So I kept asking myself how I feel about you. My feelings have not changed at all.” 

And once again, Patts nods slightly, swallows hard, and his face falls even more, he’s closer to tears.

“I love you Patts, I don’t care if it rains or not. I do love you, no matter what happens” and before Tai can say anything else, Patts is rushing to embrace him in a hug. Because he finally knows, for certain, for real, straight out of Tai’s mouth, that Tai loves him. That Tai has always loved him, and that Tai will continue to love him. 

And, going back to my conversation around Lom and Tien’s hands and how they differ from Patts and Tai, we get So Much Hand in the hug between Patts and Tai. And you can see how tightly Tai is squeezing Patts, how deep he is burying his head in Patts’ shoulder. Patts is wrapping Tai up as much as he can, he is touching Tai in as many places as he can. Patts’ hand on Tai’s shoulder, in his hair, across his back

On his elbow when they kiss.

gif by @liyazaki

And their kiss is slow and tentative, both certain and uncertain, like they need to re-establish where they are and where they have been. LIke they need to check in with each other and make sure that this level of intimacy after such a strenuous fight and break up is okay with both of them. 

I don’t have any impassioned speeches to give at the end of all of this, Patts and Tai are together, they are happy, we leave them where they always should be, happy in each other’s arms. Tai had some major growth at the end of La Pluie, getting called out by his brother, introspecting and realizing that Tai was handling the conflict with Patts like his mother has handled conflicts with him. Realizing how lonely the silence is, and understanding that the way he feels about only ever having silence in his head is horrible and that he left Patts to feel that way for years. Understanding now, why Patts could not bear Tai’s silence when he was upset at the way Patts handled Lomfon kissing him. 

La Pluie is one of the best written shows I have seen. The script is so smart, it understands the realities of relationships, highlights the importance of communication, gives proper consequences for ill-advised actions, and subverts the traditional soulmate trope by having the soulmate connection only ever act as a barrier between Patts and Tai getting together. It has truly been and honor and a blessing to clown with all of you about this show, it made me so happy to see more and more people getting in to this show, and more and more people writing about this show. It may have taken me a couple episodes to get in to the story, but looking back on it, I have loved every minute. Thanks for reading and I look forward to (hopefully) doing this all again for season 2. 

(tagging @lurkingshan cause she asked me to)

[neuroticbookworm]

Understanding the Core Four of La Pluie

Last Saturday, I screamed into this hellsite about the brilliance of La Pluie episode 10, and in the last couple of days, I read many amazing metas from my fellow La Pluie fiends that broke down all the well-executed dimensions of this episode (keep an eye out for this week’s La Pluie meta roundup from my pal @lurkingshan). When we last saw these characters in episode 9, Lomfon was running the hamster wheel in his brain, trying to figure out how to navigate his situation of hearing Saengtai (and Patts) when it rained. Tien was nursing a crush on Lomfon, and Tai and Patts had made things official and were stronger than ever. Then came episode 10, which turned everything upside down and left us speechless.

I loved and enjoyed every aspect of this episode: acting, plot development, cinematography, screenwriting, and more. But the one that blew me away the most was how the motivation and drive behind each character’s actions were perfectly in line with the character traits the show has already established. I initially wanted to write this post only to explore these traits, but after observing the La Pluie fandom discourse for the past week, I expanded it to include my defense of why every character in the La Pluie Core Four "deserves" the resolutions the show is poised to give them in the coming days.

Tien:

When Tien enters the pivotal conflict scene in the rain, he walks into a kiss between his brother and the guy he has a crush on. Absolutely heartbreaking. We see him stand still on the side, while Patts rushes to push Lomfon away from Tai and punch him repeatedly in the face (though not hard enough, as my friend @bengiyo argues here, and I fully agree. That ass-whooping should've been harder and longer). And after Patts and Tai walk away, Tien faces Lomfon, who just recklessly messed up the lives of everyone around him with no regard for anyone's feelings.

Here’s a quick list of Tien’s personality traits that were on display in this scene:

Tien is calm. He is pissed, he is rattled by the events, and yet he starts with a pretty calm "What did you mean?"

Tien is logical. He immediately counters Lomfon's explanation about his hearing loss and him being Saengtai's soulmate with, "You liar. I'm speaking now, and you can hear me."

Tien is a good communicator. He clearly confessed his feelings to Lomfon and how he thought his feelings were reciprocated, even when his heart was in tatters. He managed to be the most open and honest person out of everyone involved in this mess, and he hadn’t even done anything wrong. We would’ve completely understood his actions if he had just walked away after cussing out Lomfon, but that’s not the Tien we’ve seen and adored for the last nine episodes.

Tien is brave. He had been developing feelings for Lomfon for a while, and he thought his feelings were reciprocated. Being vulnerable and confessing your feelings to your crush is a nerve-wracking experience in its own right, and yet Tien confessed his feelings after Lomfon had just kissed his brother, potentially ruining any possibility of a relationship between them. For that alone, he is one of the bravest sonsofbitches I've seen in a BL so far.

I was not expecting to be surprised by Tien in this episode. I don’t exactly know what I thought his reaction would be to the Lomfon-sized wreaking ball I knew was coming, but I had only anticipated a heartbroken Tien. Instead, I got a Tien who was the only level-headed and rational person in this fight. And all of these wonderful traits were already established in the show's previous episodes:

Tien is one of the calmer Saengs. We have seen each of the Saeng brothers handle their parents' split very differently in the flashbacks. Saengtai and Saengchan are usually in tears and are physically reactive, whereas Saengtien and Saengnuea are the ones holding them back and comforting them.

Lomfon is not the only one who ran experiments to understand his feelings. Tien is also logical (albeit less neurotic and more sensible than Lomfon), and he worked through his sudden feelings for Lomfon after they held hands in the classroom by holding hands with his friends. He’s also open to opinions from others, as he talks to Tai about his feelings. Which makes him…

A good communicator. Tien also calls out Tai’s reluctance to communicate with his mother rationally, and to try and understand her side of things in the divorce and her relationship with her boyfriend, Nu.

Tien is an excellent subversion of the "playful and less mature younger sibling" character because, while he is easy-going and playful, he’s also the most emotionally intelligent and mature character out of the Core Four. Moving on to his elder, albeit much less emotionally mature brother, Tai.

Tai and Patts:

I’m analyzing Patts and Tai’s actions together because this way it’s easier to compare their words and actions towards each other in this episode, to their relationship dynamics that were established previously. The explosive fight and the subsequent breakup were shocking, but smart cookies like @lurkingshan, @bengiyo, @shortpplfedup and @ginnymoonbeam posited in our conversations, before the episode aired, that it was time for Patts’ frustrations and insecurities to rise to the surface. And boy did it rise up. This conflict between the primary couple has already been extensively analyzed by @lurkingshan here, so I will add my little observations on how Patts and Tai’s behavior in this fight is supported by the writing of the show so far.

@ginnymoonbeam has shared her thoughts on Tai’s avoidant personality, here. I want to add that Tai is also incredibly stubborn and hard to please. His father says so, to Patts during their dinner in episode 5.

The phrase "seems like an understanding person" is very telling, five episodes later. Tai also has the propensity to see life in black and white, especially when it comes to romance. His faith in soulmates is broken the moment he witnesses the end of a soulmate relationship. There is no room for explanation, as evidenced by his decision to ghost his soulmate for 2 years, and his coldness towards his mom, whom he has decided is the sole villain in their parents’ divorce. Simply put, he reads too much Nora Roberts (check out @syrena-del-mar’s excellent meta, La Pluie meets Nora Roberts).

Moving on to Patts. First off: no Patts hate is allowed in this house. I do not condone violence, but I also think the reasons behind the display of violence deserve to be talked about without the air of dismissal surrounding it (@shortpplfedup backs me up on this, here).

Patts had been understanding of two years of silence from Tai, and had been incredibly patient while working and finding solutions to Tai's fears around relationships and commitment. All the emotional labor in this relationship had been done by Patts, he verbalizes his desires and thoughts every time and is often left hanging by Tai, in silence. After Patts and Tai’s (supposed) heart-to-heart in Doi Mae Pliang (shout out to @indigostarfire and @lurkingshan for the incredible observation that Tai chose not to verbalize his answer to Patts’ question "Do you want to be my faen?", here and here), Patts must’ve felt that they are finally on solid ground, after years of uncertainty.

When Tai lied and hid his plans with Lomfon at the park, Patts must’ve felt devastated. And when he saw Lomfon kiss Tai, he finally snapped. He took out his anger on Lomfon, but as @bengiyo observed, Patts still managed to not leave a single bruise on Lomfon. His restraint is a sign that his frustration is not directed at Lomfon, but at Tai. Patts’ anger and Tai’s refusal to communicate openly escalate the fight further and further, until all the tension breaks at Tai’s room, with Patts agreeing to break up.

Something that stood out to me in this conflict is that the escalations were so well written that they did not feel like they were being done just for the sake of moving the plot along. Every question thrown at each other’s faces and every furious answer spit out in response felt natural and fluid. When Patts shows up at Tai’s door, he is not there with the intention of picking the fight back up. The first thing Tai asks Patts is, "Are you drunk?" and Patts tells him that he is not. They both know and understand how horribly this can go if one of them loses control. When Patts asks him "You still love me, don’t you?", Tai infuriatingly responds "This is exactly why I don’t want to talk to you".

And we see Patts getting angry at his response, shouting this:

To which Tai responds with this:

Tai did not utter those words to aggravate Patts. He truly believes that in an ideal, happy relationship, the couple must be completely compatible, so totally in sync that they will know all the answers to the questions that didn’t even need to be asked. Tai stumbled into a clear understanding of the Patts-Nara mess in episode 8 and told Patts that he was not mad about it. He did not ask questions or demand answers from Patts. Sometime during his deadly trek up Doi Mae Pliang, Tai decides that their love is enough to conquer whatever the universe throws at them. Not understanding, not communication, but love. That’s why Tai shuts down every time Patts demands an explanation; he thinks needing one means that Patts does not love him "the right way". And when Patts finally blurts out "Let’s breakup", we see him immediately absorb the weight of those words and backtrack. But for Tai, this is the final proof he needed to confirm that Patts is not right for him. So, he thanks Patts for the time they shared together and shuts the door in his face.

I sincerely hope Patts holds his ground and does not apologize unnecessarily to Tai. Tai is 100% in the wrong here; he needs a stern talking-to from someone who understands both Tai and how love and relationships actually work (my money is on Tai’s dad), and then he needs to do some very difficult but necessary introspection about his understanding of love. When he is finally done and realizes that he has made a massive mistake, I hope that Tai is the one who seeks out Patts to reconcile.

And finally, the messiest mess of the Core Four…

Lomfon:

Sigh. Oh Lomfon, you fucking disaster. I’ve been wary of you, I’ve been fascinated by you, and now I want to buy a ladder so I can climb on it and ring your head like a fucking bell till you forget the “How to acquire Tai in ten easy steps” list you have in your head.

There is no question in my mind that Lomfon fucked up spectacularly. He orchestrated a date with a man who was already taken, proceeded to reveal the truth about his soulmate connection in the most dramatic and emotionally destabilizing way possible, and then kissed him. And he does all this in the midst of developing feelings for this man’s brother.

Folks, I now have a confession to make. The nearly 2k words I had put before this section were to gently lure you into an "In defense of Lomfon" post.

The two major criticisms I’ve seen so far that are leveled against him are that he has disregarded Tien’s feelings and that he has been grossly manipulative in how he chose to reveal his soulmate connection to Tai. I will try to tackle both of them with an objective lens. My goal here is not to pose an explanation or argument for every shitty thing Lomfon has ever done in the show; it is just to present Lomfon’s traits, stripped from the (rightful) anger the fandom feels after the events of episode 10, so I can understand and accept the redemption the show might give him in the coming week.

Before I get into the specifics of the defense, I want to focus on the Keychain Acquisition scene we finally got in this episode. We see Tai run after his dad, and Tai suddenly notices Lomfon, who is focused on the papers in his hand and wearing headphones, about to walk into a busy street. He rushes to push Lomfon out of the way, tells him to be careful, and then runs after his dad again. From the moment Tai touches Lomfon, to the moment Lomfon looks up only to see Tai running back, this whole interaction takes about fifteen seconds. I counted them. Fifteen seconds.

When we watched this scene, @lurkingshan and I could not believe how absurdly mundane it was. The show has been teasing a connection between Tai and Lomfon for weeks, and this is it? Tai pushed him out of the way of a moving car and shouted an obligatory "be careful, it’s dangerous" in Lomfon’s general direction before going back to his own problems. But that’s all it took for Lomfon to decide that this mystery stranger is his "first love". He did not even get a proper glimpse of Tai because, by the time he looked up, Tai was already running. I wonder how much of Tai’s voice he actually registered, given the fact that he had to rip his earphones off first and that he was disoriented from being pushed to the ground.

I understand that teenagers have wild imaginations, but even for them, this is a level of delusion that is only achievable if any and all human contact is rare. I have held hands and gently pulled and pushed friends and family members out of the way countless times in my life while crossing a busy road. If Lomfon had saved the keychain as a reminder of the day he almost died before a kind stranger saved his life, this would be a completely different post. Since Lomfon attaches such an intense meaning to an event that is so commonplace (the showing-kindness-to-strangers part, not the almost getting-hit-by-a-car part), all this scene shows us is that Lomfon is utterly and pathetically lonely.

I’m not just reading this from the keychain scene. Since this show has some very clever writers, Lomfon’s "Social Loner" status is established from the very first episode. Before Tien meets Lomfon at the bookstore, we see Tien interact with his friends and his brother. In contrast to this, when we see Lomfon for the first time, he’s alone and is immediately picking a fight with Tien. Which leads to Lomfon meeting Tai for the very first time, and Tai intervening to break up the catfight. Tien even says this to Lomfon:

Remember when we were theorizing about Lomfon potentially knowing Tai before this incident, after the Keychain was introduced in episode 7? Because in episode 2, when he meets Tai at the coffee shop, he talks about Tai’s articles? And we were thinking, there’s no way he just stalked this person online after meeting him for about 2 minutes, just because he took his side. Nobody would be that obsessed, right? Right? Nope. This boy is really THAT obsessed, because he does not have a single friend who can take his side on a daily basis and normalize this experience for him.

With this information, some of Lomfon’s actions start making a little bit more sense, as his social isolation must make him very inept at reading normal social cues and emotions. He may fancy himself a logician, but he cannot factor feelings and emotions, his own or otherwise, into his calculations. I intentionally only used the word "obsession" when I talked about his feelings for Tai, because I know that he’s not pursuing Tai because he felt his heart flutter in his chest. He’s pursuing him because: 1. Tai took his side in the bookstore argument; 2. He then went home and stalked Tai on the internet and figured out that he’s a writer, which was interesting, because he likes... reading, I guess? (I’m feeling physical pain due to second-hand embarrassment from typing that sentence.) and 3. He found out that Tai has read some of his favorite books and figured that they must have the same passions and interests.

And here is my defense for the first criticism: When we consider just how little time he must’ve spent in his entire life, thinking about other people and their problems (because he must have the heartfelt and intimate connection it requires with only a rare few people), Lomfon does care for Tien. He held Tien back when he was recklessly rushing into a storm to save his brother. He calmed Tien down with very persuasive arguments that were both logical and empathetic. He respected Tien’s opinions enough to discuss the concept of soulmates with him twice (in episodes 7 and 10). During their discussion in episode 10, Tien tells him he doesn’t know whether he would choose his soulmate or someone he likes. After the scene, we see Lomfon sitting alone, ruminating on this thought for a few seconds. He asks his friend and possible crush for advice on what to do, and when he doesn’t get a concrete solution, he decides to give his way a try. And we see him make the call to invite Tien to lunch and a day at the park.

And what exactly was he trying to accomplish on this date, you may ask? Well, to paraphrase @bengiyo, he just wanted to run an experiment for "The Foot Pop" theory from The Princess Diaries. Matters of the heart are not something you can distil into equations. You either have to let the desire fully confront you, let it cloud your logical brain, and bravely let it guide you into your next steps. Or you can open up and be vulnerable about it with the people closest to you, ask for their opinions, and then take a decision that’s a bit more informed, yet firmly rooted in what you want based on what you feel. Both of these options are foreign to Lomfon. He has never solved problems this way, nor has he witnessed someone solving problems like this. So he recklessly kisses Tai, to prove to himself that all the calculations he had performed on his and Tai’s compatibility were right. He kisses Tai, and when he does not feel the butterflies, he pulls back, sees Tai’s stunned face, and immediately realizes that he has made a horrible, horrible mistake.

You know where he should’ve run the experiment, for better results? Riiiiiight here:

gif by the ever lovely @liyazaki

It could’ve been so simple and sweet. This loser just had to take the route that would cause the most damage.

Moving on to the second criticism that Lomfon is shady and manipulative in his actions in episode 10. I agree, he easily could’ve found a much less dramatic way to talk to Tai and Patts about this shared soulmate bond situation. But taking this straightforward route takes a lot of social courage and nuance, which Lomfon clearly does not have. If he and Patts had not been staring daggers since the moment they laid eyes on each other, the solution to their soulmate problem could’ve been calmly discussed at a table over breakfast. Since Lomfon decides to posture up to Patts as a romantic rival, with Patts already on edge about his intentions with Tai, Patts brusquely tells him to stay away from Tai. Which does not help matters one bit, and leads to Lomfon making all the wrong moves straight into disaster.

The biggest questions that were constantly in my head after this fiasco were "How the heck is Tien ever going to forgive him?". "Is a happily ever after even on the cards for Lomfon and Tien?". "Will it be believable and realistic if the writers give us one?".

I do not want to speculate on how the writers may choose to end this arc, because I want to ponder these questions purely based on what we know so far, without an ending of my choice already in my head, so I don’t skew my arguments to fit.

Lomfon may believe that Tai is the one who is most compatible with him, but he could not be more wrong. We have not seen any interactions between them where their personalities complement each other. We only see Tai in these interactions through Lomfon’s obsessive lens. But on the flip side, we see that Tien is rational and emotionally mature enough to give Lomfon an honest chance to explain himself and apologize. If Lomfon takes the time to look inward and understand his feelings for Tien, he will then convey them with sharp focus, and without any ambiguity. Because, let’s be honest, Lomfon is many things, but he is definitely not the type to prattle. And for Tien, who is also a straightforward and no-nonsense communicator, this approach might be the first step towards understanding and eventually forgiving Lomfon.

I know that I am skirting around a lot of Lomfon’s major fuckups on this road to redemption, but as I stated before, I’m not here to explain away all of his mistakes. I know Lomfon has some serious introspection and atonement in front of him. The only way he can ever hope for forgiveness is if he goes into this journey without hoping to be forgiven. He has to do it for the people that he has hurt, with no expectations in return.

Lomfon is not irredeemable. Does he deserve all the hate he is currently getting from the fandom? Yes. Did he deserve the ass-whooping? Hell yes. Will he also be worthy of Tien’s (and our) forgiveness if and when he reevaluates all of his actions and apologizes to him? Absolutely.

Shoutout to @lurkingshan, @bengiyo, @shortpplfedup, @wen-kexing-apologist, @ginnymoonbeam and @kyr-kun-chan for discussing their La Pluie thoughts and opinions with me, which helped coalesce my thoughts into this post.

Tagging @blmpff on request