#anyway i figured i should share something that provoked that strong of a reaction

[brooklynislandgirl]

A boy, a girl, and their symbiote...

@tangleweave​ {{xx}}

It’s quite alright that he laughs ~gently~ at her and not just because she loves the shy sound of it, that she feels she could wrap herself up inside of the sound and experience the same warm comfort as when he allows her to occasionally borrow one of his hoodies. There’s always a reluctance that comes with having to give it back even though she knows he needs it more than she ever will but that’s not really the point. There’s also the fact that she’d been trying to be funny after all and Eddie’s laugh held none of the nastiness she can sometimes hear in other people’s tones when they are trying to be mean right to her face as though she can’t understand what was going on around her. But in all the time she has known him, Eddie has never treated her so shabbily. He has been a gracious friend. Kind. Without the condescending feeling she gets sometimes in the social circles she haunts because she has to. Eddie is different in that he listens to her and to the things she never really says aloud. She doesn’t know exactly how he learned to do that, if it’s a skill he’s taken away from his past or if it’s a natural empathy baked into his very being. It’s entirely possible that it’s an organic blend of both, something she’ll think about later. When there’s time to breathe and reflect, which she does a little too often. Takes their moments together and strings them together into a mental photo album where she can chart the progress they have made from just this side of naked hostility to genial silence, from avidly engaging each other onto the rooftop to trying to coax him into her home like some feral creature that he isn’t, because she’s worried about how cold it gets and if he’s eaten a good meal. Because she wants to know he’s safe, that he has someone looking out for him. He deserves that much. And...now. She isn’t really sure what now is.

She’d never really had the impression that Eddie saw her in this kind of light. None of his actions have ever reminded her of the kind of people who want to capture her like an exotic creature to be put on display until the newness wore off and they found that her meagre charms and her unwillingness to be exactly what they wanted did not hold much value to them. He does not see her as some cute childlike thing that needs protecting from the world and maybe especially from herself, either. She might not feel attraction the way most people do, but she’s absolutely sure that he’s never looked at her in the way that makes her feel like he’s devouring her with a single gaze. So perhaps she’s put it out of mind and got on with being friends, taking delight in just spending time with him, listening to the stories he has to offer, and living in those moments. This isn’t exactly that, though, is it?

When she thinks of Eddie ~far more often than she has any right to~ she has a distinct mental image. There is a sadness that always seems to linger in the back of his eyes especially when he thinks no one is watching. Which would lead to him lowering his face and staring into his coffee and the way that his hands would wrap around the cup always felt like he was afraid to let go. Gives him the impression of searching though she’s never sure for what. Sometimes she swears he’s having some internal debate with himself that comes across as starts and falters of sound, that soft-spoken tone that sends shivers down her spine in the best of ways, but still never really becoming words. And in her own way, she knows what that’s like, having so much inside but no real way of expressing it.

Lately though, it’s becoming harder to see him that way. It starts with the way he makes her laugh. Something she hasn’t really done in a long time, and then follows up with thought-provoking questions, and not ones from his list which had been terribly fun. The way he offers to walk her home when he realises she’s afraid of the dark fits in as well, followed closely with the way he curls up protectively around her on the bus or cable-cars. Stupid touristy things he doesn’t seem to mind at all. The keen and sometimes biting observations that he makes of people and the world that compel a shift of perspective. Murmured against her ear, a private conversation that has the power to weaken her knees a little. And more slowly, maybe, she begins to add...other things. How much she likes his smile when he offers it, and the fullness of his lips. How soft they look even when chapped. His eyes again, this time deep and soulful, how they darken in colour, in emotion. How it brings out the sprinkle of the palest freckles across his nose that like hers don’t show very often. She notices how steady, patient, and most importantly, how gentle his hands are. Eddie is, after all, a handsome man if a little rough around the edges. And maybe she really likes those too, a sharp contrast to her own softness. She wants to know what it would feel like to cut herself on them, and if he would kiss the wounds better. Eddie is an orchid, slowly blooming into a beautiful person right before her eyes. A person she wants to nurture and cultivate. Except maybe those aren’t the right words. Again, feelings she has no right to want. At what point do those kinds of nascent wishes become pushy? Seems like some kind of underlying motivation that has been so very carefully orchestrated so that she might take advantage of him? This is the critical part of relationships that are unfathomable to Beth, something everyone else seems to be aware of but that she missed out. Like there’s some kind of manual and it’s written in a foreign language that she doesn’t speak. And what good does it do to become aware of being increasingly attracted to Eddie...when he isn’t interested? She’s never been able to say he’s been less than a perfect gentleman to her. That he doesn’t go out of his way to carefully broach subjects that might make her uncomfortable and then if there’s any hint of distress, to quickly course-correct. If she’s to act in kind, how does she go about asking if maybe he isn’t a little like her? What did her friend call it? A different kind of umbrella, so to speak. She’s never felt an appropriate time has come to try and figure that out in any serious fashion.

Except... It’s quiet now. The wine still lingers on her tongue and soaks into the back of her mind, easing some of the tension right out of her, even if she’s watching him more intently than she ever has before. Wills him to maybe hear that unspoken question as he sits there, comfortable on the couch because the words escape her. He doesn’t recoil from the tap against his leg. Not that she can imagine he would really do that, but one never knows. And sometimes Eddie has odd reactions to general affection, at least from her and her inability to keep her hands entirely to herself.

And despite the myriad of problems she could catalogue, the subtle vocalisation is enough to have her pause precariously on the edge of the cliff they’re on. She can feel the churning of nerves deep in the pit of her stomach. Rogue butterfly wings pounding to be let out or smothered by any other feeling. By itself it should have no power over her except that it does. Makes her want to hear it again at a much closer distance, letting its echo wash over her. There’s such a power to that, one that gains as much as it gives. She can feel it dance beneath her fingertips, the way it feels like he almost presses back into them though she knows he hasn’t moved at all. It’s the wild flutter of his pulse, the song in his blood. It would only take a little pressure to have it gush over her lips and she’s very aware of that. Which is why she doesn’t listen to every instinct screaming for her to do so. She doesn’t want to take from Eddie, but to share. That’s an important distinction, the only one that would ever feel right. His ha comes out hot against her skin, strong. Tells her so much more about him than a hundred conversations, feels like witnessing the birth of islands and the death of mountains, all the life that comes between the two. And just as she’s on the verge of losing herself in the joy and terror of it all, he utters a single word that freezes her to the very marrow of her bones and her heart plunges somewhere down between her knees. Just like that… Eyes widen as she feels the instant backlash of having made a mistake she can’t take back.

She wants to. She should. She should blame the wine and the proximity and the fact that she read into his query wrong, through no fault of his own. That it isn’t his fault in the least. Anything that might make him laugh again and find her silly and that will make him stay. But before she can get the seeds of her apology in fertile soil he continues on. For a moment she finds herself unable to experience anything that isn’t the exquisite ghost of his touch in return. Pressing hers closer as if for one brief moment they both share the same fear and wonderment. And she has no idea what to do about that. 

He’s not pulling away. If anything, he’s encouraging her. At least that is what it sounds like. And it all cascades again. And she finds herself briefly leaning into that caress, the rough pad of a thumb just cresting the arch of her cheek bone. No satin could compete with the delicate nature, and if there’s one thing that Beth knows beyond any doubt it is that touch doesn’t lie. As long as she’s known Eddie, neither does he. Not to her, anyway. Maybe that makes this all a little more unforgivable, but she will deal with the guilt and the consequences come morning. No one, even in her wildest fantasies which are very few and far between, more nameless want than anything else, has ever said something so simple but so full of meaning. Or in a way that eats her alive with newly sparked heat. Because the truth is, most people she knows never put her wishes at the forefront of anything, much less something so delicate in nature. “I…” She shifts. Rises up from the floor to pour herself over him, one slender thigh on either side of his hips, as best as the restraint of her skirt allows her to. Her other hand lifts to cup the other cheek, brushes across the soft stubble of his jaw and from slightly loftier a height, she finds herself looking him directly in the eye a moment, her voice drying up in her throat, forcing her to swallow. It’s her turn to search for something that lacks all definition, that can’t be given shape in words.

She’s forgotten how to breathe. Or maybe doesn’t need to at all, her gaze scouring every inch of his face before returning to his eyes. Because the question is still there. Does she want to do this? Yes. More than he can know. Does she know how? In the most basic of biological functions, also yes. Her lashes drift down to shutter green and gold from the world before she gets closer, and settles her lips to his. She catches the lower tier of his lips between her own. There’s still the same heat and the same temptation in doing so, that has not diminished from her earlier exploration but the kiss is far more gentle. Softer. Sweeter. But with a gradation of intensity that mimicked the pounding of bird wings inside of her chest, against the cage of bone surrounding it. Mimicked below as her hips roll into and against his own but doesn’t offer her any more leverage.

[giuls-here]

#1 - A game worth losing

Pairing: ChanBaekHun

Length: ~5.8k words

Genre: University!AU, Smut

Tags: Top!Chanyeol, Top!Sehun, Bottom!Baekhyun, Threesome, Orgasm denial, Begging, Swearing

Inspiration: That’s right our type

Collection: One Line Collection

Synopsis: Baekhyun and Chanyeol had always had a crush on each other, but never understood their reciprocate feelings, at least until they moved to their university dorm and found out Sehun will be staying with them for a couple weeks. Things will surely escalate quickly.

It was early September, the morning breeze was blowing through the colorful foliage of the trees while Baekhyun and Chanyeol were taking the subway to their University dorm. The two young men didn’t live too far away from the school buildings, but at the age of nineteen, they were practically begging to experience the freedom of living on their own. They worked non-stop for a whole year after their graduation and now they were ready to move in their double room at the dormitory.

Despite knowing each other for just two years, they had already become almost inseparable, united by a bond so strong nothing would have ever been able to break it. The taller boy still remembered the moment he walked into his new classroom, it was their last year of high school when he had to move due to his father’s job. Baekhyun was sitting at his desk, chatting with his friends when their eyes met for the first time, Chanyeol’s heart melting almost immediately at the sight of such a pretty boy. His small figure, several centimeters shorter than him, his blonde hair he would have dyed many times during the following years, his cute puppy eyes and above everything else, his bright smile, capable of leaving the brown-haired boy without a single word to describe how wonderful it was. Chanyeol was sure it was love at first sight, there would have been no other way to explain all the overwhelming emotions he was feeling just by staring at him.

Yet, even after all that time, he still hadn’t found the right moment to confess his feelings to the shorter boy. He just couldn’t understand whether Baekhyun would have returned his love or coldly rejected it, his mixed signals making the taller boy even more confused about their relationship. He knew Baekhyun was gay, everyone did, so being two males wouldn’t have been the issue between them, rather it was his behavior the true cause of his doubts. The now redhead boy was the most outgoing and sociable person he had ever met, he loved physical contact, always sitting on someone’s lap, resting his chin on his friends’ shoulders or grasping someone’s butt. However, when it came to Chanyeol, he seemed a little more… distant, almost as if he didn’t want to give him the impression of liking him to a deeper level than just a really strong friendship.

So, the tall guy never made the first move and even as they were approaching their room, he was wondering if he’d ever had the courage to do it. Living with him, being able to spend so much time together, it was like a dream coming true, but at the same time Chanyeol couldn’t help but be worried. What if Baekhyun really didn’t love him? What if someday he just got back to their room with his new boyfriend? At that point, he would have had nowhere to escape from the situation and that dream would have quickly turned into a nightmare.

Anyway, when Baekhyun opened the door, Chanyeol’s worries disappeared, both of them witnessing a quite unexpected scene in front of them. The room was exactly as they had imagined it, four plain walls and all the essential furniture like wardrobes, desks, and beds, except for the fact that there weren’t just two of the latter, but three. They placed their baggage in the room, gazing at the extra bed when the shorter boy remembered.

It was a few weeks earlier when they received an e-mail talking about some problems during the restoration of an area of the building and the fact that some students would have been sorted to other rooms while waiting for theirs to be habitable again. Baekhyun had just finished explaining the situation to his friend when he heard a familiar voice behind him.

« Excuse me, is this room 407? »

When he turned around, a tall boy was standing in the doorway, broad shoulders, a slender but well-toned body, and blonde hair framing an emotionless expression he was sure he must have already seen somewhere.

« Sehun? » the redhead asked with a surprised tone.

« Baekhyun? » the other boy replied, as shocked as he was to see him there of all places.

« What are you doing here? »

« They told me my room wasn’t available, so I’ll be staying here… You’re living here too? »

Baekhyun nodded, his eyes sparkling with happiness after that lucky encounter. He and Sehun had known each other since elementary school, their parents were good friends, so it was inevitable for them to get close too. However, attending different schools and hanging out with different people, they didn’t get to spend much time together, but despite all of that, they could still be considered good friends. Sehun wasn’t the kind of friend you see every day or talk to everyone about, but rather the one you can always rely on whenever a wise and unbiased advice was needed, even if he was the younger one between the two boys.

Baekhyun was still rambling about how amazing it would have been to share the room with him, when the younger man walked to Chanyeol, only a few centimeters preventing them from looking straight into each other’s eyes.

« I’m Sehun, nice to meet you. » he said holding out his hand, a clearly fake smile on his face.

« Chanyeol. » the brown-haired boy replied in a cold tone, shaking his hand with a firm grip.

It couldn’t have been more obvious that Chanyeol didn’t like him. He couldn’t stand the idea of sharing his room with anyone but Baekhyun, let alone sharing Baekhyun himself. Who was that guy? Why did he know him? What kind of relationship did they have? Questions kept crowding the young man’s mind, leaving him with nothing but an unbearable jealousy to deal with. He couldn’t tolerate seeing Baekhyun being so friendly with someone he didn’t know anything about, yet, when he stopped and thought about it, he didn’t really have any reason to be jealous in the first place. It wasn’t like Baekhyun had never done it before, being so visibly happy around someone who wasn’t Chanyeol, so much that the taller boy stopped even noticing it after a while, but he had been waiting for that day for so long, that the idea of it being ruined by another guy just upset him more than it should have had.

Sehun shook his hand back, looking straight into the older boy’s eyes, showing him that that angry puppy face wouldn’t have scared him away so easily. Baekhyun already told him about moving to the University dorm and sharing a room with one of his classmates, but he never really cared about the details of their relationship. Yet, seeing his reaction to that whole situation, Sehun couldn’t help himself but want to tease him, giving him his most confident look while smiling at his face and finally leaving his hand.

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Days passed and Chanyeol’s situation didn’t seem to get any better, quite the opposite to be honest. Baekhyun became even more clingy with Sehun, doing anything they could together, bluntly ignoring the taller boy glaring at them behind his phone’s screen. The thing that enraged him the most, however, was that the more he looked at the younger boy, the more he couldn’t deny how much of a good looking man he was. His muscular body as well as his well-proportioned face, everything about him was flawless like his whole figure was sculpted by the greatest of Roman artists. His beauty was stunning and that made Chanyeol even more jealous, forcing him to avoid the couple not to risk doing something really stupid out of a moment of bad self-control. It had been over a week of constant torture and the brown-haired boy was at his limit.

Finally, for the first time, he and Sehun were alone in their room while Baekhyun was attending his lessons. The younger man sat on Chanyeol’s bed, looking at him with his usual inexpressive face.

« What? » he asked, unsure whether he should have punched him right away or held back, not to ruin his beautiful features.

« I think we need to talk about Baekhyun. » the older boy glared at him, just hearing his voice pronouncing his name was tremendously enraging. « I think we both know what game he is playing, right? »

Chanyeol’s expression quickly changed into a confused one, “game”? What was he talking about? Sehun couldn’t believe his eyes, to him it had been clear since the first day, but apparently, Chanyeol was still unaware of it. It was obvious that Baekhyun was trying to attract his attention, using the blonde boy to make him jealous, hoping it would have provoked some kind of reaction in Chanyeol, who instead just ignored them, making Baekhyun be even more explicit with his teasing. Sehun had been involved in a game he didn’t want to be part of, two lovers both too blind to understand each other’s feeling, and he didn’t want to be the one to make the first move for both of them.

« I mean, Baekhyun is quite obviously trying to make us fight and that’s becoming annoying. » Sehun explained, he knew it wasn’t the real reason behind the older boy’s actions, but he wanted Chanyeol to figure the truth by himself.

« So what? » the other one asked in a harsh tone.

« So I think we should beat him at his same game. »

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That afternoon, the two young men had planned the best revenge possible, one that would have allowed Chanyeol to make Baekhyun just as jealous as he had been for the past days and Sehun to distance the shorter boy for a while, his constant teasing had put his self-control at risk and by that moment, he didn’t know how long it would have taken before he would have pretended more from the older friend. So, for the following days, Chanyeol and Sehun became best buddies, spending as much time together as possible, laughing, playing games and having fun like real best friends would have done. It hadn’t been so hard for Sehun, he never really had a reason to dislike the brown-haired guy in the first place, while Chanyeol had to overcome some initial hostility to find out that they had more in common than just Baekhyun. The blonde boy wasn’t that bad after all, he could be a little apathetic at times, but on most things, they were on the same page and Chanyeol liked it.

At the same time, Baekhyun started having a taste of his own medicine, seeing his friend and love interest getting closer and closer each passing day. Since high school, the redhead had tried to attract Chanyeol’s attention in any way, but it always seemed like the other boy was just avoiding him, keeping his distance as if not wanting to give him the wrong impression. That was what Baekhyun thought, at least until they started living together and he began that stupid teasing game with Sehun. At that point, Chanyeol’s feelings started being written on his face and the smaller boy finally understood how much of a dumbass they both had been for all that time. It was clear, Chanyeol was dead jealous and that could have only meant one thing: he returned his feelings from the very beginning. However, he must have misinterpreted Baekhyun’s shyness around him and that led to all sorts of misunderstanding during the years, which in the end brought the three guys sitting on the same bed, drinking beer and watching a horror movie marathon.

The two taller men kept teasing each other for the whole night, intertwining their legs, stroking their thighs and constantly checking on Baekhyun, who poorly tried to fake indifference. When they finally went to sleep, the shorter one couldn’t close his eyes, the mixed effect of his non-existent alcohol tolerance and fervid imagination making every little creaking of the old building sound like a demon was coming to hunt them. He hated the way scary movies made him regress to an impressionable kid, but he couldn’t help it.

He turned around to face Chanyeol’s back, he could see it rise and lower beneath the sheets, imagining how cute his sleeping face must have been. He wanted to wake him up, sneak in his bed and finally fall asleep, protected by his strong arms, but he was too proud to do it. The brown-haired boy had been playing with his feelings too much for his taste, daring to tease him with his best friend for almost a week, and Baekhyun couldn’t simply ignore it.

Therefore he turned to the other side, Sehun’s face barely visible in the dark room. He was angry at him too, but at least he could understand why the younger boy could have wanted to take revenge after being involved in their problems. He quietly sneaked out of his bed, crouching in front of the blonde man’s and lightly shaking him.

« Sehun… Are you awake? » he whispered.

The other boy opened his eyes, stretching his body as he tried to focus Baekhyun’s face.

« I am now… » he mumbled. « What’s up? »

« I… I can’t sleep so… Can I… Like, sleep with you? » Baekhyun knew how stupid his request sounded, but he couldn’t help it.

Sehun looked at him for a few seconds, was he trying to make Chanyeol jealous again? It could have been a plausible explanation if only the other man wasn’t visibly sleeping in his bed, not even facing them. Verified his intentions, he then lifted up his sheets, inviting the smaller friend to lay next to him. Baekhyun sneaked in, curling up against Sehun’s chest, his head resting on the younger boy’s arm and his fingers running through his red locks. In an instant, all the creepy sounds that were tormenting Baekhyun disappeared, drowned out by the beating of his own heart.

He had known Sehun for quite a long time and he surely noticed what a beautiful man he had grown up to be, but he never thought about him that way. Until that moment, he had only seen him as a good friend, but now, hearing his gentle breathing, feeling his hands playing with his hair in such a reassuring way, his heart had never been racing so fast before. However, he wasn’t the only fluttered one, he could feel it, Sehun was just pretending to be relaxed, but even he was struggling to keep his calm in that situation. He had been waiting for that moment for way too long, being with Baekhyun, alone, so close their faces were only a few centimeters apart, he couldn’t hold back anymore.

He pulled the smaller boy closer to him, their eyes locked together. It was a gaze Baekhyun had never seen, it was filled with desire, almost begging for something more to happen. He should have backed away, told him his heart already belonged to Chanyeol, but he couldn’t, not when their wishes were just the same. Sehun lowered his look, shortening the distance between them before letting their lips finally meet in a sweet, tender encounter.

« You’ve been teasing me for too long, you know that right? » the younger boy whispered in his ear, his voice had never sounded so lustful before.

He knew that very well and he was sorry for his actions, but Sehun didn’t even give him the time to answer, that he had already started nibbling his lobe, moving his lips down to his neck, leaving light marks of his passage on Baekhyun’s delicate skin. All the redhead could do was softly moan, his voice unable to be held back as he felt his friend’s hand sneak underneath his t-shirt and run along his back. To prevent his moans from waking Chanyeol up, Sehun moved back to his lips, giving him a more passionate, intense kiss, letting their tongues meet in their mouths, swirling and playing with each other until they ran out of air.

« W-wait… I can’t… Chanyeol- » Baekhyun only managed to mutter before being interrupted.

« Yeah, Chanyeol what? » the taller boy asked with a very irritated voice.

He turned on the light, exposing the two lovers still lying together, and sat on Baekhyun’s bed. The redhead immediately left Sehun’s arms, his face tinged with a vivid red color as he pulled his t-shirt down, while the younger man stared at him with an annoyed look, interrupted just when things were starting to get interesting.

« I swear I can explain everything! » Baekhyun hurried to reply.

Chanyeol crossed his arms with a severe expression on his face, « I don’t really think there’s anything to explain, but at least you could have waited for Sehun to get his own room before fucking him. »

« It’s not like that, I- »

« Then what is it like? » he asked interrupting him, not even wanting to listen to his bullshit. « You’ve been hitting on him since he placed foot in this room, you couldn’t have been more obvious with that. But if you want me to leave I- »

« I’ve only done it because you didn’t seem to care! » Baekhyun yelled back, his allegations pushing him over his limit. « I’ve been trying to gain your attention for over two years now and you think the one I really want is him?! You’re the reason I started this stupid teasing game in the first place! »

« What?! Why the hell would you have done it?! »

« Because I love you! » silence filled the room as Baekhyun’s words echoed, it wasn’t how he always imagined his confession, but it was too late now. « I just wanted you to notice me, to make a move, but instead you just staid there dying in your own jealousy and I ended up involving Sehun in all of this too and… I’m sorry. »

« Why have you been avoiding me then? » Chanyeol asked in a more comforting tone.

« Because I was shy and scared to ruin everything. » at that moment, the taller boy realized how badly he misinterpreted Baekhyun’s behavior since the first day.

They always felt the same way, it had always been mutual, and he finally knew it. With a sweet smile on his face, Chanyeol leaned towards the smaller man who was carefully avoiding his eyes, surprising him with a gentle kiss.

« I love you. » Chanyeol said with his deep, sensual voice.

« Eh ehm… » Sehun cleared his throat, reminding the two lovers he was still there with them. « I’m sorry to interrupt, but now that everything is clear between you two I’d have something to say too. »

Baekhyun couldn’t even turn his head to face him, that his arms already wrapped around his waist, his chin resting on his shoulder as his eyes met Chanyeol’s.

« I know you’re in love and everything but… I’m not planning to be the only one being left high and dry here. » he smirked at the taller boy, they knew what he meant and unlike the first day, Chanyeol was now quite enjoying the idea of Sehun joining them, at least for one night.

« Well, you’re right… » he replied with a devilish smirk, « Baekhyun has been very mean, playing with my feelings and teasing you like that… I think he needs a little punishment, doesn’t he? » the brown-haired man grinned as he moved to their bed, Baekhyun’s knees between his, their lips passionately meeting again.

The smaller boy gasped for air as their tongues danced a luxurious ballet in their mouths, a shiver running along his spine as he felt Sehun’s lips brush against his neck and his hands lifting up his t-shirt, caressing his chest and moving up towards his nipples. A loud moan escaped the redhead’s mouth as the younger boy gently pinched them, using his indexes to draw slow circles around them.

« You’re very sensitive over here aren’t you? » Sehun whispered in his ear, his voice echoing through Baekhyun’s body, making it twitch in anticipation.

As if the blonde boy playing with his chest wasn’t enough, Chanyeol decided it was time for him to have some fun too. He left Baekhyun’s mouth only to kneel in front of him, his lips leaving very visible marks on his pale thighs as he moved towards his crotch. However, he made sure not to ever reach it, stopping himself only a few centimeters away, leaving the smaller boy a horny, moaning mess.

« You’re too loud hyung. » Sehun commented before kissing him in the attempt of calming his voice down.

Baekhyun was quickly losing his mind, being assaulted on both fronts, every centimeter of his body continuously stimulated by their gentle touch. He wanted more, he needed more, but the two friends didn’t seem too keen to give him. It was at that moment that he realized his game didn’t just backfire at him, but that he also utterly lost it. Both Sehun and Chanyeol already knew what Baekhyun wanted, but they were being very careful not to give it to him unless the redhead properly asked for it.

« C-Channie please… » he mumbled against Sehun’s lips as the boy kept stroking his chest, softly pulling at his sensitive nipples.

« Please what? » the other boy jokingly asked, his middle finger tracing a slow, barely perceptible line along his erection, still caged by his now too tight underwear.

Baekhyun’s face was almost the same color as his hair, the feeling of Sehun’s hard-on constantly pressing against his bare back making him want to feel both of them inside of him as quick as possible.

« P-please… T… Touch me… » he stuttered, too embarrassed to speak out loud.

« What? We couldn’t hear you… » Sehun mockingly replied.

Baekhyun had to choose, it was either his pride or his dick at that moment. « I-I said touch me already! » he yelled, surrendering to their game.

« As you wish. » he couldn’t see it, but he was sure Chanyeol was smirking as he said it.

The taller man removed his underwear as Sehun took off his t-shirt, leaving him naked and vulnerable, he was in their hands, literally. When Chanyeol finally took him in his hand, Baekhyun left out a loud moan, biting on Sehun’s lip so hard it started bleeding, making the younger boy groan for the pain. The ferrous taste of blood mixed with their saliva as they only divided to breath for a few seconds, during which the blonde boy took Baekhyun’s hand and moved it to his boxers, letting him grasp his erection through the fabric of his underwear and guiding his movements as he groaned against his lips.

Chanyeol looked up at the two boys for a moment as he was still stroking Baekhyun’s shaft, it was a better view than he expected. He couldn’t hold back anymore, but he knew that if he could endure it for a little longer, the redhead’s slutty side would have finally arisen and it would have surely been worth it. So, he softly started kissing Baekhyun’s length, making his voice get louder with each contact, impossible to be held back anymore. His tongue teasingly swirled around its tip, licking every centimeter of his member. It was way too much for Baekhyun to handle and at the same time not enough to actually please him.

« Fuck, you sound so needy Baekkie… » Chanyeol said, he could feel his body throb with desire in his hands. « Why don’t you just tell us what you want uh? »

How could he? How could he look into his puppy eyes and openly tell him he wanted him to fuck him so hard he would have had problems walking straight the next day? It was too embarrassing, but again, he had no choice.

« Chan- Channie… Please, f-fuck- » he couldn’t do it, his voice was too weak, his mind too blurry to even speak coherently.

Delighted by how desperate he sounded, Chanyeol rushed to his nightstand, leaving the smaller boy some time to rest. As Baekhyun lied down on the bed, panting, he admired Sehun take off his clothes, revealing his hard, way bigger than he thought member. He licked his lips in anticipation as the blonde boy walked back to him, kneeling down to kiss his forehead and move his red locks out of his sweaty face. In the meanwhile, Chanyeol got rid of all the excess clothing and jumped back on the bed, placing himself between Baekhyun’s legs and pulling his hips towards him, slightly lifting them up. He then got back to stroke him while the middle finger of his other hand started poking at his tight hole, drawing delicate circles around it, feeling it twitch, begging for more. He opened a little bottle of lube, letting the cold liquid pour on his finger as he slowly slided it inside of Baekhyun’s ass, then out again to tease his rim and back inside, again and again. 

Baekhyun was moaning even louder than before, his voice assuming a lewd tone that made both men even more eager to hear more of it. Sehun was sucking on his nipple, nibbling on it while twisting the other one between his thumb and index finger and in the meantime, Chanyeol added another finger, stretching Baekhyun’s hole, preparing it for the grand finale he would have needed to beg for. The smaller boy was way over his limit, he needed to put an end to their tormenting, but he was too weak to protest, lost in his own pleasure, digging his nail in Sehun’s back every time the taller boy shoved his slender fingers back inside of him.

« Fuck, Baek you’re hurting me… » the blonde boy said as he left his side only to get on the bed and kneel next to him, his erection only a few centimeters away from his face. « You need to make up for it. » he added, running his fingers through his red hair.

He didn’t even need to guide him towards it, that Baekhyun had already taken his length between his lips, eagerly sucking it. Sehun moaned in pleasure, his hand encouraging him to take more of it, gagging for his and Chanyeol’s pleasure. Baekhyun had lost any leftover of dignity, his body almost moving on his own, following his most carnal instincts. He wanted to beg Chanyeol to fuck him, to take him so rough it would have almost hurt, but Sehun was forcing him to stay at his place, his mouth full and put at good use.

« F-fuck me Channie! Please! » he yelled as soon as the younger man left him a few moments to catch his breath.

The brown-haired boy was caught off guard by his direct, desperate request, but it was just what he was waiting for. He quickly slipped a condom on before placing the tip of his member against his gaping hole.

« I’m not so sure you deserve it baby… » he could barely resist the need to forcefully shove all of his length inside of him.

« P-please Channie I’m begging you… Fuck me… Please… » he hopelessly whined.

The taller man smirked, he sounded so lustful he couldn’t deny his request anymore. Baekhyun almost screamed in pleasure as he felt Chanyeol entering him with one, quick, rough thrust.

« I already told you you’re too loud hyung… » Sehun said guiding him back to his length.

The redhead could barely process what was going on, pleasure fogging his mind. He was sucking on Sehun’s member in the useless attempt not to let the whole dormitory know what was going on in that room, while Chanyeol was fucking him as hard as he could, his hands grabbing his has and gently spanking it, each slap making Baekhyun moan even louder. It didn’t take much to bring him to the edge, his body being overstimulated for too much time now.

« C-Channie ahh… I’m- I’m about… Aaahhh… » he muttered, a loud moan of complain following his words as soon as the taller boy stopped moving inside of him.

« Not yet baby… » he replied, his thrust getting slower and deeper.

« Wh-what? Please Chanyeol… Ahh… I-I’m sorry, please… »

The man didn’t seem to hear him, ignoring his words while loving his hopeless voice. His eyes met Sehun’s, who with a silent movement of his head suggested to switch positions, in order to make it a even longer night for Baekhyun. The smaller boy whined as he felt his lover leaving him, that emptiness too much to be handled. He looked at the two friends moving around him, immediately understanding what their plan was.

As soon as Chanyeol walked in front of him, he kissed the redhead, comforting his despair.

« Turn around hyung. » Sehun suggested while getting behind him and Baekhyun silently obeyed, getting on all fours.

He instinctively took Chanyeol’s member in his hands, making him moan as his lips enveloped its tip, his head moving up and down at increasing speed. The blonde boy quickly slipped a condom on and made his way inside Baekhyun’s hole, groaning as his length disappeared in his ass.

« God you’re so tight… No doubt Chanyeol didn’t want to switch… » Sehun commented while starting to move, going hard and deep since the first thrust.

« Well, my baby knows how to use his mouth too. » Chanyeol replied as if Baekhyun wasn’t even there, moving his hair away from his eyes so that he could see his lewd expression while his mouth was filled with his member.

Sehun seemed way more experienced than Baekhyun imagined, his strong and forceful movements almost pushing him over the edge, almost. His hand was stroking him, bringing him closer to his orgasm, but also leaving him every time his moans got a little louder. His hips were slamming against his, restlessly violating him just to stop right before he could have enough.

« Fuck Hunnie please… Ahh- Let… Let me cum! » Baekhyun begged once again, his fist clenching on the sheets, his face burried in the bed, hiding his pitiful expression.

Sehun looked at his friend for advice, he too was at his limit, but he could have endured it for a little longer if he needed to. Instead, Chanyeol asked him to switch again without Baekhyun noticing, his watery eyes were closed and his moans drowning out every other sound in the room. He moved next to Sehun, suddenly exchanging place, making the smaller boy jolt and turn around, his eyes meeting with his lover’s. His face was a complete mess, sweat covering his whole body, his eyes begging him to put an end to his despair. A wonderful view for sure. Chanyeol forcefully fucked the smaller boy, his hands grabbing his ass so tight they almost left marks on it.

« Only if you make me cum first hyung… » Sehun growled forcing himself inside of his mouth again.

Baekhyun immediately complied, sucking him like his life depended on it, pushing himself even further just to please him as fast as possible. Luckily, Sehun was well over his limit and Baekhyun’s hopeless sucking quickly pushed him over the edge, his cum soon covering the redhead’s face, some landing on his locks too.

« Good job sweetie, now it’s my turn too… » Chanyeol sensually whispered in is ear, his chest pressed against his back, his hips moving even harder.

« P-please aah… C-Channie… »

« Please what Baekkie… Ask for it… » Chanyeol said taking him in his hand, stroking him as their hips slammed together.

« Please let me cum! Please aahh-! »

Baekhyun’s last moans echoed in the room as Chanyeol emptied himself inside of him, the smaller boy finally releasing himself in his hand. The two men fell on the bed, exhausted, while Sehun moved to the nearest bed.

« Fuck… That was amazing… » Chayeol said catching his breath.

« I never thought Baekhyun would have been so… Desperate. » Sehun chuckled, looking at the older friend.

« It’s your fault, both of you… »

« Have we been too rough on you sweetie? » Chanyeol asked in a reassuring tone, taking a tissue to clean his hand and Baekhyun’s face.

The smaller boy giggled feeling his boyfriend’s hand caressing his face, « Not exactly… »

The day after, Sehun moved to his new room, leaving the two lovers finally alone, ready to live their couple life without any more intruders, but still coming over for some fun once in a while.

[myguy-mycomrade-mysweetjewishass]

Mantras/Reality/Awareness

I learn that it is possible for me to mend, to become more loving, intimate and supportive. I have the choice of communicating with my family in a way, which is safe for me and respectful of them.

I no longer need to rely solely on others to provide my sense of worth.

You want to be close and are able to be intimate. To maintain a positive connection, you give up your needs to please and accommodate your partner. But because you don’t get your needs met, you become unhappy. You’re preoccupied with the relationship and highly attuned to your partner, worrying that he or she wants less closeness. You often take things personally with a negative twist and project negative outcomes.

“There are two questions a man must ask himself: The first is 'Where am I going?' and the second is 'Who will go with me?' If you ever get these questions in the wrong order you are in trouble.”

Codependents are reactionaries. They overreact. They under-react. But rarely do they act. They react to the problems, pains, lives, and behaviors of others. They react to their own problems, pains, and behaviors. They have worried themselves sick about other people. They have tried to help in ways that didn't help. They have said yes when they meant no. They have tried to make other people see things their way. They have bent over backwards avoiding hurting people's feelings and, in so doing, have hurt themselves. They have been afraid to trust their feelings. They have believed lies and then felt betrayed. They have wanted to get even and punish others. They have felt so angry they wanted to kill. They have struggled for their rights while other people said they didn't have any. They have worn sackcloth because they didn't believe they deserved silk.

The formula is simple: In any given situation, detach and ask, “What do I need to do to take care of myself?

Detaching does not mean we don’t care. It means we learn to love, care, and be involved without going crazy. Few situations—no matter how greatly they appear to demand it—can be bettered by us going berserk. Why do we do it, then? We react because we’re anxious and afraid of what has happened, what might happen, and what is happening. Many of us react as though everything is a crisis because we have lived with so many crises for so long that crisis reaction has become a habit. We react because we think things shouldn’t be happening the way they are. We react because we don’t feel good about ourselves. We react because most people react. We react because we think we have to react. We don’t have to. We don’t have to be so afraid of people. They are just people like us. We don’t have to forfeit our peace. It doesn’t help. We have the same facts and resources available to us when we’re peaceful that are available to us when we’re frantic and chaotic.

Just feeling urgent and compulsive is enough to hurt us. We keep ourselves in a crisis state...ready to react to emergencies that aren't really emergencies. Someone does something, so we must do something back. Someone says something, so we must say something. Someone feels a certain way, so we must feel a certain way. WE JUMP INTO THE FIRST FEELING THAT COMES OUR WAY AND THEN WALLOW IN IT.

The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it is not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of the other person — without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other.

find other emotional outlets and support than just the one person. find friends who can help  you with your problems too, so the entire weight of them is not put on your partner and you have somewhere to go for help and support if you lose them

Caretaking: Codependents may: feel safest when giving. feel insecure and guilty when somebody gives to them. feel sad because the spend their whole lives giving to other people and nobody gives to them. feel bored, empty, and worthless if they don’t have a crisis in their lives, a problem to solve, or someone to help. abandon their routine to respond to or do something for somebody else. overcommit themselves.

Low Self-Worth: Codependents tend to: get depressed from a lack of compliments and praise (stroke deprivation). try to help other people live their lives instead. artificial feelings of self-worth from helping others. get strong feelings of low self-worth embarrassment, failure, etc. from other people’s failures and problems. try to prove they’re good enough for other people and settle for being needed.

Controlling: Many codependents: become afraid to let other people be who they are and allow events to happen naturally. don’t see or deal with their fear of loss of control. think they know best how things should turn out and how people should behave. try to control events and people through helplessness, guilt, coercion, threats, advice-giving, manipulation, or domination.

Dependency: Many codependents: don’t feel happy, content, or peaceful with themselves. look for happiness outside themselves. latch onto whoever or whatever they think can provide happiness. feel terribly threatened by the loss of any thing or person they think provides their happiness. feel they need people more than they want them. try to prove they’re good enough to be loved and don’t take time to see if other people are good for them. worry whether other people love or like them and don’t take time to figure out if they love or like other people. center their lives around other people. look to relationships to provide all their good feelings. lose interest in their own lives when they love. worry other people will leave them. feel trapped in relationships. leave bad relationships and form new ones that don’t work either.

Poor Communication: Codependents frequently: don’t say what they mean. don’t mean what they say. don’t know what they mean. don’t take themselves seriously. ask for what they want and need indirectly–sighing, for example find it difficult to get to the point and aren’t sure what the point is.  try to say what they think will please people. try to say what they think will provoke people. try to say what they hope will make people do what they want them to do. eliminate the word “no” from their vocabulary talk too much. talk about other people.wait to express their opinions until they know other people’s opinions.

Sex Problems: Some codependents: are caretakers in the bedroom have sex when they don’t want to. have sex when they’d rather be held, nurtured, and loved. try to have sex when they’re angry or hurt. refuse to enjoy sex because they’re so angry at their partner. are afraid of losing control. have a difficult time asking for what they need in bed. withdraw emotionally from their partner. force themselves to have sex, anyway. reduce sex to a technical act. wonder why they don’t enjoy sex.

Miscellaneous: Codependents tend to: be extremely irresponsible. become martyrs, sacrificing their happiness and that of others for causes that don’t require sacrifice.  vacillate in decisions and emotions. be ashamed about family, personal, or relationship problems. be confused about the nature of the problem. cover up, lie, and protect the problem. not seek help because they tell themselves the problem isn’t bad enough, or they aren’t important enough. wonder why the problem doesn’t go away.

Someone who is pleased with you at one time may not be pleased with you at another time.  Because another person's approval of you can be fickle and impermanent, it is not a sturdy place to harness your sense of self. Even if someone is pleased with you due to your current pleasing behaviors, this doesn't mean that the behavior you’re doing now is what is what's ultimately best for YOU.  Sometimes what feels good in the short-term (social approval) may compromise your long-term best interests. Face the truth about the present state of your relationship.  Ask yourself, "What will happen when I inevitably displease this person?"  If you guess that the person will probably punish you in some fashion (rejection, humiliation, or worse), and if you realize that your behavior centers around heroic attempts to avoid this reaction, then ask, “Is what I’m gaining short-term from this relationship as important and valuable to me as what I’m losing long-term?”

Be mindful of the relational boundary line. A good self-reflective question to frequently ask: what in this relationship belongs to me and is my responsibility and what belongs to the other person? You should try to be as clear as possible of where that boundary line is and stay on your side. There are certain types of familiar relationships that replicate unhealthy patterns from your past where you might feel the strong pull to cross over the line. But, asking yourself this question can often help you stay grounded and keep the boundary in place.  

Notice when you’re doing whatever it is you want to change.  For instance, if you are pushing your boyfriend away, catch yourself at it.  If you’re thinking thoughts about how nobody is trustworthy, say to yourself: “I’m doing it again.”  Don’t beat yourself up over it; just notice.  Noticing is the gateway to change.

Cut out attention for negative behaviors.Being good does not gain us a lot of attention. Being bad does. We cannot get rid of the need for attention. Do not even try. What we can do is start getting that attention for good behaviors.  

How to Avoid (Adult Role): 1) When asking for help, state clearly what is needed 2) Ask for suggestions from others but know only you can solve your problems 3) Welcome and acknowledge suggestions. Have an open mind and avoid “yes, but…” 4) Be clear about what you are willing to give in exchange for help. 5) Form a plan of action that makes clear everyone’s understanding of what is going to happen. 6) Be clear on what you can and will do, and what you expect. 4) Accept that love cannot be earned (and therefore, except as children, we cannot be cheated of love.) 1) Have agreements instead of expectations. 2) Be honest and clear about what you are willing to do. Help is different than rescue, it has limits, is clearly defined, and has no strings attached. 3) Know and accept your limitations, you can help but you cannot force someone to change. 4) Believe others are equal to you and have the ability to solve their own problems and learn from their mistakes. 4) Help others find ways to help themselves—‘empowerment.’ 5) Ask for nurturing directly

Second, you have to ask yourself, “What is it I think I’m achieving through this behavior?  What is my goal?”  Very often, you might realize your goal is to give love and receive it in a way that doesn’t put you at risk for being hurt or being vulnerable.  Now you have to ask yourself again whether you truly believe those behaviors constitute the best approach to solving the problem or achieving that goal.

Did you agree to something that led to this?  Did you hold back on speaking out, against what your instincts told you? Did you give in to something you disapproved of?  Did you act dishonestly in any way?  Did you let your pride, ego or fear get in the way of your actions? Now aim to find alternative solutions. If you’re looking for attention, can you get it more directly? If you’re bored, what new adventure can create in your life? Did you mistake intensity or need or lust or drama for love? What did you do to promote the drama? How did you handle conflict in yourself and your partner? What information did you withhold? What provoking remarks or behavior did you engage in?  

Slow down and de-intensify your relationship. Be honest with yourself and your partner.

Identify the relationships, environments, and circumstances that are contributing to the overall chaos. Determine your desire to change these factors, and also understand how and when you are likely to engage in these patterns. Remember that you may not be able to create immediate change in these areas (i.e. you may not be able to suddenly quit a job that is contributing to your life’s chaos), but identifying your goals in changing these patterns opens the door to setting a plan for change. Furthermore, you may not desire to end a relationship that is chaotic, but it is still important to understand the dysfunctional patterns embedded in this relationship that require change. Understand when you are prone to seek out chaos and develop a plan for how you will combat the tendency to immerse yourself in chaos as means to cope with other unresolved problems.

Stop giving yourself away to people who don't appreciate you. You can't find true affection by offering yourself up to every guy that passes by. Stop numbing your brain with the roller coaster ups and downs of your current cycle and give yourself time to figure out what you want and from whom you want it.

Friendships and loves do not come easily and must be assiduously cultivated. You're going to have to do the hard work to reap the benefits, and it starts by understanding that you are worth more than just a random sexual encounter. If someone is not willing to make the effort to get to know you before going to bed with you, they're not worth your time and won't help you achieve your goal of surrounding yourself with people who care about you.

learn to be calm and resist the urge to demand attention (even though you know how to get it) when your partner needs to put his or her attention elsewhere. We become addicted to external validation and the feedback that it gives us: pretty girl tells us we’re a cool guy, we feel better, we want more approval from pretty girl, etc. We get stuck in these constant loops of seeking feedback while reinforcing these negative feedback loops that torpedo our self esteem and self-worth and leave us unable to gauge our own value accurately.

However, if you have someone in your life who is resorting to dramatic displays just to get your attention, there’s a good chance it’s because you don’t respond to that person’s more subtle, calm, and kind ones. Let me put it this way: There’s a story about a man in the army named Joe, and Joe would never hear the bugle when it was time to wake up. So the other men would have to wake him up. First, they would gently shake him and whisper, “Hey, Joe, time to wake up.” He stayed asleep. So they shook him more violently and yelled at him. Still asleep. Finally, they had to throw a bucket of water on his head to wake him up. If you’re the one who is constantly wondering why the other person creates drama, maybe it’s because you’ve been asleep for the other stuff. The more emotional person (meaning, the one who instigates the drama) wants to coax their partner out of his or her emotional shell. Underneath all the seemingly crazy behavior is a desire to help their partner feel–preferably feel positive emotions. However, the more emotional person will take the negative over nothing because at least you’re feeling something.

Let the other person pick up the ball on occasion. Are you the one initiating contact every time? Do you do it frequently? Even if you’re excited about a new relationship, pull back a little and let them come to you. Don’t go overboard and start ignoring them, quite the contrary. When it comes to communication, make sure you aren’t flooding your beloved’s inbox only to receive a trickle in return.

Avoid focusing too much on what the other person is doing when they’re away from you. When a relationship is new, it’s easy to actually create problems that aren’t there by wondering what the other person is doing 24/7. When you start worrying what they’re up to all the time, you’re giving all your power away on a silver platter. Putting tabs on them reeks of insecurity and will make them feel like you don’t trust them.

Pay attention to how you feel. People with BPD usually have trouble recognizing their own emotions and figuring out where these emotions are coming from. A good way to practice this is by closing your eyes and asking yourself: “how have I been feeling these past two hours?”. If you notice some tension in your body, ask yourself where you got this from. It may be related to your emotions and feelings. Once you figured out how you’ve been feeling these past two hours you can ask yourself: “why have I been feeling this way?” to figure out where those feelings are coming from. Try to be as specific as possible. So not: “I am angry because of my stupid boyfriend”. But: “I am angry with my boyfriend, because he is forgot to pick me up again”. This way you understand better why you are angry, and in this case you even realize you are angry because of your boyfriend’s behaviour and not because of your boyfriend as a person. Try not to judge yourself for feeling the way you do.

Recognize which emotions came first. People with BPD usually get overwhelmed by their emotions. All of a sudden they feel so many different emotions that it’s difficult to see which one belongs to which feeling or thought. Being overwhelmed makes it more difficult to calm down. Thus try to analyze your emotions: why did you get upset in the first place? Which emotions did you feel at that moment? Which other thoughts popped up after you got upset? And which emotions belong to those thoughts? An example: your boyfriend doesn’t pick up the phone. This makes you angry and annoyed. Thoughts pop up such as: He doesn’t want to talk to me (sadness). He doesn’t like me (sadness, depressed). Maybe he will leave me (anxiousness, sadness, depressed, panic-stricken). Maybe he is with someone else (anger, upset, scared, depressed). By analyzing the situation it’s easier to identify which emotion belongs to which thought or feeling. Then focus on the trigger that caused all these emotions to pop-up and try to ignore all the thoughts, feelings and emotions that came after that. This will calm you down more easily.

When you’re derailed by stress and negativity, as people with borderline personality disorder often are, it’s easy to misread the intentions of others. If you’re aware of this tendency, you can check your assumptions. Remember, you’re not a mind reader! Instead of jumping to conclusions (usually negative), consider alternative meaning and motivations. Ask the person to clarify their intentions. One of the simplest ways to check your assumptions is to ask the other person what they’re thinking or feeling. Double check what they meant by their words or actions. Instead of asking in an accusatory manner, try a softer approach: “I could be wrong, but it feels like...” or “Maybe I’m being overly sensitive, but I get the sense that...”

Increase tolerance of uncertainty levels. People who have difficulty to deal with uncertainty worry and panic more and sooner about topics that may not even be worth it. In the example above about the boyfriend who didn’t pick up his phone: he may have been busy at that moment. Perhaps he just got off the bus, paid a bill or wrote an email. People who have low tolerance of uncertainty levels will try to find explanations for the fact that the boyfriend didn’t pick up the phone. Unfortunately, intolerance of uncertainty in combination with the fear of (potential) abandonment is a deadly combination for panic, worry, and getting emotionally overwhelmed. Often, this combination makes people with borderline think of how the boyfriend is leaving or cheating on them. What can you do about it? Write down possible explanations for (in this case) your boyfriend not picking up the phone. Rate them according to likelihood. Another tip: figure out what your worst fear is (he will leave me) and test that if that fear is true. Let’s call this a hypothesis. In reality it’s very unlikely that your boyfriend will leave you, so it’s a safe hypothesis. Once you know the answer you also know whether or not your reactions were out of proportion to the situation. Coping with borderline personality disorder means you have to test certain hypothesis that cause you to panic, worry excessively or make you feel depressed. This way you’ll see that most of your fears are unrealistic and not true. Please note: don’t test these fears on your own, but always consult a professional. If such an experiment goes wrong you may feel worse rather than better.

Don’t respond to others immediately. Responding immediately to someone’s comment, email or question significantly increases the likelihood that you’ll respond out of emotion rather than out of common sense or ratio. An emotional response often is driven by personal needs, desires, and fears. Its these needs, desires, and fears that can lead to a lot of false assumptions and miscommunication issues. Build in a delay: for some people it works really well to repeat the question before they answer to it (this gives people a few more seconds to answer), to ask the person if they understood them correctly (“so if I understood you correctly, you meant:….?”) before you answer, to ask themselves if the answer they want to give is emotionally charged (if so, then try to come up with an alternative response, one that is not emotionally charged). Always wait a week before you make life changing decisions. And talk about it with people you trust. Remember, people you trust want the best for you, so take their opinion seriously. And last but not least: analyze your own feelings.  

For example, think of a situation like wanting your partner to turn down the television so you can read. Are you more likely to ask them in a straightforward manner, or do you start making noises of disgust and stomping around? If you choose to make someone feel guilty so you can change their behavior, rather than being honest and making the request, you may be using manipulation. This realisation can also be useful when feeling needy. For example, if someone does not reply to a message you might think “Why can’t they just reply?” But then instead of sending a second one, you take a step back and say “Okay, maybe I don’t want to be someone who pressures people like this”. The ironic thing about wanting to be more independent and less “needy” is that the solution is to recognise that your needs are actually very important and won’t go away if you neglect or ignore them. Dependency is often a result of both neglect and self-neglect of important emotional needs.

People who aren’t sure about how to look after themselves emotionally are more likely to reach out for someone else to do it for them. But no matter how good someone makes you feel, it’s still a good idea to preserve and develop as much emotional self-reliance as you can rather than relying on them.

We all sometimes experience a feeling which, on a subconscious level, might be explained in terms of a child jumping up and down and screaming “I want my ice cream!” It may be that the child is spoilt or just so distressed that it genuinely seems as if ice cream is the only possible answer. To any adult observing the scene, it is obvious that the child could be okay even without getting any ice-cream. And so it is important to observe the child within yourself and to recognise when you might be holding your own happiness to ransom by insisting on something you might not actually need.

An important step along the road to freedom is allowing other people to be free rather than holding onto resentments about their behaviour. It may be tempting to get angry with someone who isn’t there for you during a crisis or lets you down in some way but it isn’t the solution. Consider how many times you may have passed a homeless person in the street and not even thrown them some loose change. When you become an “emotional beggar” you’re in a similar situation. You can ask for help but there’s no point demanding it because nobody owes you anything. Imagining that anyone “should” help you when they haven’t explicitly agreed to do so can come across as manipulative because it confuses your needs with their responsibility. It’s not worth testing anyone’s limits by pressuring them to be someone they may not even be capable of becoming. A bit of adventurous self-introspection will often help you identify patterns of dependency in your thoughts or behaviour that you can work on overcoming. An example might be having an attitude of wanting “all or nothing” from people instead of appreciating whatever is freely offered.

Identifying what you have recently made your happiness rely on can be an eye opener. For example, a troubling thought like “People are driving me crazy!” can be reinterpreted as “I can’t be happy unless everyone is great” which is clearly a little overdependent and unrealistic. Another example might be “Nothing is making any sense!” which is another way of saying “I demand that everything always makes sense” and not strictly necessary for a happy life.

For example, you may think friendship must always be “true” and involve “being there for each other” in hard times or always being genuine or kind. You may think that a partner should love you forever, can never turn their back on you or must forgive you just because you’re sorry. Needing more from people than they feel ready or able to give is just unrealistic and it can also make you appear unreasonable. Even in a crisis, it is pointless to push on someone to do something for you just because you would be willing to do the same for them: no obligation strictly exists. There’s nothing wrong with “fair weather friends” as long as you remember what you can’t expect.

When I’m feeling needy around someone, I often visualise a giant baby crawling up to them and in a high-pitched squeaky voice saying “Mama?” This cute but embarrassing comic depiction helps me to detach and deters me from being needy by reminding me of how I would never want to come across.

In borderline personality disorder, the person responds to fears of abandonment with feelings of rage and emptiness. With DPD, the person responds to the fear with submissiveness and seeks another relationship to maintain his or her dependency.

You find yourself feeling possessive of your partner. You don’t trust other women/men around him/her. You are afraid your partner will get stolen away from you. When your partner is not with you, you feel empty, alone, or bored. You need constant reminders that your partner loves you. You fish for compliments. You like to have some degree of control over your partner. If they don’t do what you want them to, you feel distraught.  You are more focused on your partner’s feelings for you than on their identity and personality.

The borderline says, perhaps not in words, but implicitly, I want you to rescue me, so rescue me and by the way I will thwart you and punish you at every turn. Every time you try to rescue me I'll ask you who the hell you are and what the hell you think you are doing. No good deed will go unpunished. Borderlines wanting and seeking rescue and the nons who try to rescue them enmesh and the result is a toxic unhealthy dynamic that sadly defies anything and everything that healthy love actually is.

Improve and practice healthy communication habits. Healthy communication in a relationship includes: owning your reactions using I statements about specific behaviors, such as, "I feel lonely when we don't go out at least once a week." Relationship martyrs sometimes use unhealthy communication (if they communicate with their partners at all). Unhealthy communication often includes You statements, labeling, and overgeneralizations, such as, "You are a jerk and you never give me the time of day."

When you're angry, identify how you are "shoulding" on your partner. "Shoulds" often represent demands that you are placing on another person, and demands frequently leads to anger. Instead, work to realize that your partner can do whatever he or she wants to do, whether or not you/others agree with it. Accepting your partner doesn't mean that you agree with his or her behavior, or that you resign yourself to being on the receiving end of it. It does mean that you realize that you cannot control your partner. You have a choice about whether or not to anger yourself over his or her behavior, and whether or not to behave as a martyr. Instead of "shoulding," move into strongly preferring that he or she do things differently, strongly requesting what you want directly or taking actions to solve problems, persisting in your strong preference and strong requests, getting help, and/or leaving the relationship.

In the first column, write your partner's offense. In the second, write your understanding of the real or underlying problem. In the third, write what you did to contribute to your partner ultimately behaving as he or she did. In the fourth, write what you could do to solve the problem.

They seek to fuse or merge with their significant others. By “becoming one” with their intimate partners, they are able to actually love themselves by loving others.