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belamuse · 6 months

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40 is a Whole Vibe.

I recently turned 40.

And while I am a lover of birthdays (a birthday diva, if you will) this particular birthday stirred up more emotions than I expected.

I heard from friends who had either celebrated the big 4-0 already or would be this year, and one word kept popping up: fear.

A part of me understood— but what I was feeling was the exact opposite. I felt calm, confident, eager to step into this new phase.

And, well, that freaked me out a bit.

When I sat down to work through these feelings, I realized that while it’s healthy to “feel the fear and do it anyway,” it’s equally as healthy to accept (and celebrate) when fear isn’t part of your equation.

I realized this: 40 is a whole vibe.

She is different, but not in a magical, “I woke up like this” way. The change has been gradual, hard-earned.

She is calm, secure, more herself than she’s ever felt, even though she knows that who she is is always growing.

She harbors no fear of aging, of reaching an arbitrary number that for years was meant to signify impending doom. A crisis. An ending. A loss of something… of youth.

She instead sees this milestone as a reckoning, a revolution. The start of her Act II.

She sees the changes in the mirror— the belly that’s a little softer than it used to be, the lines on her face and neck that seem more pronounced than they did even a year ago, the grey hair that looks as unruly as she feels inside— and instead of obsessing, she knows she has a choice.

She knows she can either give in to the nagging thoughts that want her to hate herself for no longer being 20, or she can prioritize the beauty that comes with wisdom and experience.

She embraces the fact that on any given day, her soul, her heart, and even her body can feel seven or 14 or 21 or 33 or 56 or 80 years old. That our physical age is a matter of biology but our mental age, our emotional age, and our soul age are all a matter of mindset.

She is calm in the face of change, knowing all the transformations she’s been through to get here.

She lights her candles and burns her sage and reads Pema Chödrön and knows her sun sign and prays to the spirits she knows are watching over her. She connects to the spiritual practices she was raised with, and the ones she’s found along the way, because she understands that we are more than just our physical bodies.

She goes to therapy because she knows that she can’t control what happens to her but she can control her reactions.

She laughs as much as possible and speaks passionately about her interests and sings loudly and sometimes obnoxiously, especially to the corny pop songs she loved when she was 15. She loves the things that call to her heart, and doesn’t care if others don’t understand.

She still has more questions than answers but she’s learning to be okay with the unknown.

She can acknowledge the damage her past relationships have caused— the pain inflicted by men she loved or thought she loved or wondered if she could love, and friends who chose to prioritize pettiness or jealousy or their own emotional shortcomings— and still thank them, silently, (as they were never meant to hear the words) for everything that pain allowed her to create in life.

She also knows that she can be grateful for the person, for the lessons, and still let a healthy dose of anger linger, even if just to make sure that she never allows herself to accept less than what she deserves.

She creates her own family without the confines of anyone’s expectations, knowing that blood doesn’t matter if respect isn’t present.

She has learned that blocking and deleting and going no contact aren’t about throwing blame around or holding a grudge. They’re about boundaries and knowing your worth.

She loves hard, even when it’s scary, especially when it’s scary, and knows to demand the same from those who love her.

She refuses to regret, instead choosing to learn.

She is learning to be a better partner. To be aware of her triggers, her trust issues, her short fuse, her clinginess. To not fall back on old habits and unhealthy coping mechanisms. To never step fully into the role of victim or perpetrator, but to recognize that we all have the capacity for both and what matters is how we show up for each other and ourselves each day.

She is learning to accept that we all give and receive love differently. That no two people saw love modeled the same way. That what might seem like a mundane, daily task to her is actually a declaration of love from someone else. That if she chooses to pay attention, she’ll realize that these small acts of love are present in almost every moment of her life.

She may not be a mother yet, or anymore, at least not in the traditional sense, but she is warm and nurturing and aims to be a soft place to land for those she loves. And she finally knows, with a confidence she’s never felt before, that one day she’ll hear the precious sound of a small voice calling out for Mom.

She feels at home in this confidence, in this unflinching belief in herself and what she is capable of. In her ability to build and create, to thrive and overcome, to ride the wave of acceptance and change.

She knows there are days, moments, when it’s 1,000 percent okay to not give a f*ck. To focus on herself, her needs and wants. To focus on doing nothing but what brings her peace.

She also knows there are days, moments, where she needs to step up for others, for the world. Not out of obligation but out of responsibility, care, and a desire to make things better.

She cries for no reason, for every reason.

She cries because the world is full of pain and every day is a reminder that we no longer know how to show each other basic kindness.

She cries because the world is far more beautiful than her heart can handle and every day is a reminder that we are surrounded by goodness.

She cries because she has felt grief seep into the darkest corners of her heart. She has watched those who have loved her since birth take their last breath. She has stood, cold and shaking, surrounded by friends as they say a final goodbye to one of their own. She has stared in her dog’s eyes, knowing that in a few days his body would no longer be earth-side.

She understands that part of being human is feeling it all: the deepest hurts and the most profound joys. The sadness that breaks our hearts and the laughter that slowly pieces it back together. And then forgiving ourselves when feeling it all leaves us clumsy and overwhelmed.

She knows that true forgiveness is about healing herself and not an open invitation to let those who hurt or disrespected her back in, armed to inflict more pain.

She is still learning to forgive herself for the mistakes and missteps she’s made. For the moments she hurt and disrespected others. For the moments she trusted others’ opinions more than she trusted her own intuition.

She finally, thankfully, recognizes that even on the days when she felt like she was getting left behind— literally running late for her own life— every experience, every moment, every interaction has always been beautifully on schedule.

She knows that the destination may be fuzzy, and she may not have a map, but she has arrived.

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andysbubba · 3 years

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four's company

-> it was stupid to flirt around knowing ari's had his eyes on you the whole time. it was stupid(er) to think that there wouldn't be any consequences.

Warnings: STRICTLY 18+ ONLY. 883 words of just smut, ari being a ruthless, mean daddy, ransom being a huge tease and andy trying his best to be mean to you. also other filth such as face slapping (!!!), pussy spanking, choking, degradation, 'slut'. oh yeah this is definitely my filthiest short fic as of this moment. oh did I also mention that this is a foursome?

Author's note: ++ This is my submission for the Shameless Hoes For Chris 2021 Challenge hosted by @navybrat817 and @stargazingfangirl18 !

prompts: CEO(s) AU

"You'll be lucky if you can sit for a week by the time I'm we're done with you."

"It's cute that you think you have a choice."

characters: Andy Barber, Ari Levinson and Ransom Drysdale [but make them the Thrombey brothers]

𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲'𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

You had no idea how you ended up here. Skin bare against the cold, chill air. Your skin pebbled, goosebumps forming as your head falls back against Ransom’s chest.

Them— the top three of New York’s most eligible bachelors, the three heirs to Thrombey Enterprises. It’s a wonder how you’ve completely caught the eye of the three brothers- Ari, Ransom and Andy. They’ve played you right into the palm of their hands, and you’ve never truly left.

You could feel Ari’s stare, his gaze heavy as he stands in front of the massive bed. The oldest Thrombey in the room is set on punishing you.

And he’s got his brothers to do his dirty work for him.

Andy climbs up the bed, settling right beside you, fingers inching towards where you need him the most. Ransom’s holding your legs apart with his own thick thighs, one hand holding your wrists behind you as he kisses down your jaw. It’s a filthy sight— you shiver at the thought of Ari and Andy having a clear view of your dripping cunt.

“You made Ari mad, sweetheart,” Andy drawls, leaning in as he presses his lips against yours, before the kisses trail down your neck and to your collarbones. “What shall we do about that?”

Your hips shifts in Ransom’s lap, itching for the slightest bit of friction. “Please. ‘m sorry, Ari.” You whine hopelessly.

“Shoulda thought about that before you went on and flirt with some nobody right in front of me, huh?” Ari’s got a sinister look on his face, one that sends shivers running down your spine.

“Pretty girl,” You could practically feel Ransom’s smirk against your skin. “You just had to be so greedy.” His fingers runs up to your breasts, tweaking your nipples with his thumb as his tongue brushes over your ear. He pinches the bud between his fingers, pulling hard enough just to make you putty in his hands. “The three of us ain’t enough for ya?”

“Ran—” Your whine was cut off by your own whimper as Ransom tugged on your nipples just as he gently nibbles on your ear.

Andy’s hands is everywhere, but never where you were actually desperate for his touch. “How are we gonna get this through your pretty little head, sweetheart?” His hands grips your jaw, forcing your cheeks to squish and somehow making you feel even more powerless and pathetic under them. “You’re ours.”

“Please, Andy.” Usually, your doe eyes and that soft tone would’ve been enough to make Andy just a little less ruthless.

As tempting as it was, Andy’s made a promise to his big brother to not give in to you.

Andy tilts his head as he gazes up at you, a sinful smirk forming on his lips as he rolls up the sleeves of his shirt. He'd already loosened up the top two buttons earlier on. "It's cute that you think you have a choice." He wraps his arms under your thighs, pulling you down a little lower down the bed in a split second before he’s spreading your legs wider. Andy’s lips curl at the sight. “Look at that, Ari. The slut's fuckin' soaked.”

Ransom lets go of your wrists, only to bring his fingers towards your cunt, exposing your parts even more to his brothers. Your cheeks burn in shame at how they glance down at you, but you barely registered it when there’s two loud cracks— closely followed by a sharp pain on your pussy.

Your hips jerk, whimpering at the pain as you fisted the sheets. “Fuck!”

“Awh, I can feel your pussy drippin’, angel.” Ransom mutters, fake sympathy in his tone even though he’s reveling in your pain.

Your hand reaches down, fingers wrapping around his wrists, a weak attempt to push him away. A low moan leaves your lips at the sharp pain laced with pleasure as he drops a few more consecutive hits. You felt the pain of Ransom’s rings directly hitting your clit every single time before you even registered the next slap.

“Harder, Ransom.” Ari orders. You don’t even have to open your eyes to know that he never took his eyes off you.

“No— no more, please, daddy. ‘m sorry,” Your fingers dig into Ransom’s thigh, hips writhing against the sheets as you try to shift away from his palm.

Ari comes up beside you on the bed, one hand wrapping around your neck as he pulls you towards him. His hand tightens around your neck as you look up at him in a daze. “You either shut up and take it or I’m goin' to take over. And you know I won’t be as nice as Ran’s being. You hear me?”

You left his question unanswered as you stare up at him and there’s a loud slap as his palm hits you on the cheek. “Don’t go all dumb on me now, slut.”

You wince at the pain, letting out a whine at the sting even though it almost had you begging for more. “Yes sir.”

Ransom leans up close to your ear, lips brushing against your earlobe. It's scary how the simple act was enough to make you lose your mind. "You'll be lucky if you can sit for a week by the time we're done with you."

i originally wanted to post this for my birthday like two days ago but i ended up sleeping for the whole of tuesday (don’t ask) and i kinda missed my own birthday? ANYWAYS— i’m happy to finally have this filth out <3

taglist: @worksby-d @milea @ajeff855 @fanofalltheficsx @ambinxe

thank you for reading lovelies! likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated ❤️

-honey<33

#shamelesshoesforchris2021 #chris evans #chris evans x reader #andy barber #andy barber smut #andy barber x reader #cevans x reader #andy barber one shot #ari levinson #ari levinson one shot #ari levinson smut #ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale smut #ransom drysdale x reader #ari levinson x reader

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seijorhi · 3 years

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asks :))

what i have learned today is that y’all wanna get fucked by some monsters...

What does nostos mean? What language is it in? 🤔 also I of course loved it, mind blown as usual queen

it’s ancient greek! it means homecoming, the idea of a triumphant return home for the hero after a long journey. i found it through looking at the root of nostalgia. in this fic of course it’s kind of a grim tongue in cheek play on it. the reader’s coming back to the mountains, but she’s running away after a bad breakup, and the welcome she gets is... shall we say less than ideal haha

Just read nostos-

First of all as a person who reads monster shit- hell ya. Mhm. That’s some good shit right there. That was DELICIOUS horror. It actually had me a bit nervous and afraid to read what was gonna happen next 😳

Secondly- omg I wanna know what happened next (at the end) 👀 know what I mean??? 😼

ANYWAY AS ALWAYS you never disappoint and your writing is fantastic (if/when you write horror yandere stuff again I’ll be there- frothing at the mouth. A+++++ work ILY💖)

you want me to write the monster porn, just say it bby ghfjdkshgfjkd but ty

Omfg that fic was so good!

Did the readers mom know about monster kuroo?? Or was she just worried because of the previous murder? And did Kuroo somehow manipulate reader into coming back to the forest or was it just a big coincidence? (👁👄👁 there's no such thing as a coincidence)

Looking forward to your future work <3

ty nonnie!! i didn’t have the right space for it, but after kohsuke was ripped apart and eaten kuroo stayed by the reader’s side until late in the night, only disappearing when he heard the reader’s parents/search party approaching. they found her lying in pools of blood (and scattered half eaten body parts), shaking and unresponsive – they knew no animal could’ve done something like that. so they knew something lurked in those woods, but considering the reader had repressed the memories, her mom couldn’t just come out and say it <33

You are an AMAZING horror writer!!!

The uneasiness I got from the conversations with the mom is just *chefs kiss*

A+++++

ahh thank you!! horror is such a hard genre to write because i’m never sure if the suspense and everything’s gonna hit right haha

I read Nostos before going to sleep last night and at the time I was like “sure hope this doesn’t give me nightmares” and thankfully it didn’t lol. But I think I’m willing to take that chance again because it’s so GOOD and I think I’m just going to have to relive it – @ohno-otome

fhdjgbfhjkdfn i’m glad it didn’t give you nightmares bby!! but i also appreciate that haha, i’m an absolute wimp with scary movies and stuff but i just can’t stop watching them haha

I just wanna say that I was listening to "You're a psychotic villain playlist" on youtube while reading Kuroo's oneshot and I can't explain the emotions I felt, but I'd let Kuroo do things to me asdfghjkl – @itishebihime-samaforyou

ooh nice! sometimes the right playlist makes things doubly as fun haha

OH MY GOD!?!?! Nostos was soooo GOOD?!?!? Like it was so creepy (but in a good way), and scary and suspenseful!! And the ending!?!? Omggg honestly one my fav fics from you!! You did my mans Kuroo justice 🥺💖💕

TYYYYYYY i was genuinely concerned i was gonna scare everybody off haha

Ah! The new fic! Chiefs kiss! Magnificent! Bravo!🧚‍♀️✨🧞‍♀️🦖🦭🌹💫

tysm nonnie!!! <33

i’m pretty sure i’m in the same/similar timezone as you? and i do be staying up late to be one of the first to read your fics (i usually stay up late anyways). so imagine my surprise when i see you post in the afternoon. in conclusion, whether you post to align with your european and american readers’ timezone, my gmt+10 arse will still be one of the first to read your fics. also nostos sjdufigyyjf i have to admit, i recently just found out about monster fucking and nostos scratched the itch😫 i feel bad for kohsuke though

bby i always post at like 2-4 in the morning please get some sleep!! the fics will be there in the morning lmao. i kinda low key forget about my aussie/gmt+10 followers because i think there’s like... 3 of you haha

Honestly if i could give u a dollar everytime i got off to your fics, you'd probably be rich by now

lmao the idea that people find my fics hot enough to get off to still blows my mind lol

your newest kuroo fic was so SO good!! its totally okay if you dont want to answer this so you can keep things ambiguous but is monster kuroo planning on killing the reader after he's...done with them

thank you, bby!! but no, monster kuroo isn’t gonna eat her – he’s had plenty of chances to do that if that’s what he wanted, but he has other plans for the poor reader

RHI, I WANT TO STATE FOR THE RECORD THAT I AM OKAY WITH MORE MONSTER FUCKING IN THE FUTURE. i also want to say im not a monster fucker, but that just feels like a lie at this point. okay, now that that's off my chest, i love it. the mystery, the connections of kuroo to a cat. kuroo's probably gonna go and batter around his prey once they're under his grip like my cat does. hopefully the reader will come out somewhat unscathed, if they are ever allowed to leave 😌 love this, love how different it is, the way kuroo just tries to weasel in. very monster and yandere vibes, very you. have i said i love this yet?? id willingly let him get me drunk on his cock, maybe never leave the peace of the mountains again

‘i want to say that i’m not a monster fucker’ bby the denial will get you nowhere haha. just lean in and embrace it hgfjkdlkfgjnkdl ahh but thank you this is such a sweet ask ILY!!!

Omg omg the monster thing kuroo was in ur latest fic is so familiar to me abdhdmfnjfjf. I remember being told abt a monster with VERY SIMILAR characteristics to it (aka the not being able to go inside a house unless invited and using fire to lure ppl out) AND JFC IT TERRIFIED ME. Esp how when i told ppl around me and they didnt recognize what it was, but it was somehow known to the kid that told me abt it.

(Some ppl thought it was familiar but still didnt know what it was)

Do u know what im talking abt? Hopefully u do

-🥚

GHFJDK so the monster in this is kind of based off the nekomata spirit in japanese folklore - they can appear like people, torment victims by reanimating the corpses of their loved ones, they’ve been blamed for forest fires, so it was just fun to use that as a basis and then go buck wild haha. anyway thanks for the ask bby!

Rest In Peace Kohsuke, you would’ve loved Haikyuu season 5😔✊– @joyvstheworld

poor kohsuke deserved better, i’m just mean to the oc’s i throw into fics haha

Monsterfucking ❤❤❤❤❤❤ a little annoyed you're making me simp for yan Kuroo though (a vibe tho tbh). You're so extremely talented!!!! &

This is probably a stupid question, but how did Kageyama react when he couldn't find y/n? How is life with yan Suga? I imagine probably awful BUT yknow maybe the stockholm syndrome set in fast lmao. Sorry, I'm going on a binge reading your stuff. - @oracleofdin

i will not apologise for making you simp for kuroo he deserves it the man’s a snacc. and as far as your second question, suga’s a very caring, very smothering kinda yandere, so i guess in some ways it’s better than what the reader had with kageyama but... pick your poison haha

That was so good. I’m so shook rn I can’t comprehend anything but how good that was and how good a writer you are

TYSM NONNIE!!! <33

Ok, so, I just read Final Girl and the lil' ticket addition to it and just---

Well, ok I've been playing Dead by Daylight a lot lately? And I'm just picturing Tetsu as the newest killer "The Trickster" and I'm positively RANDY.

Your writing is ALREADY thirst inducing and just as satisfying, but this has SENT ME- If you're not familiar, please...

https://youtu.be/iowkiPobYYQ

Understand my thirst. (I'd also like to clarify, I use a different skin for him that gives him black hair and he looks like Kuroo with an undercut.)

~ @the-casual-hedonist 🌸

i love how feral y’all got for final girl kuroo. like bo and akaashi had his fans, but i put a spiked bat in kuroo’s hands and y’all lost your goddamn minds and i love to see it. fghdjkvhfjdkls thanks for the ask bby

idk why but I love preggo reader as long as I don't pretend it's me 😢✋ I hate babies n pregnancy anywhere else other than horny haikyuu fics

i think that’s a valid thing for a lot of fans. the idea of breeding is sexy, the actual getting pregnant and having a kid thing... not so much. but especially with non-con scenario’s, it’s more about the aspect on control than the actual desire to have kids. but yeah, i feel you

Sorry to bother but uh was just wondering in fracture did Osamu kill his wife or was it actually an “unfortunate event” ? Love your work btw!!

he most certainly did :))

LMFAO RHI i totally get not liking cheating/infidelity fics (towards reader) bc IT HIRTS ME SO BAD I CANNOT HANDLE THOSE.

id be reading fics those fics like: tf you mean my yandere aimt gonna baby me and only want me??🤨🤨🤨⁉️‼️

EXACTLY! listen i get that it’s a fucked up fantasy, but in my fucked up fantasy you damn well better have the decency to be loyal smh

Finders keepers is the most beautiful thing I've read by you: I read it twice like I normally do and here's what I figured out the second time (that's when I analyze it and find the little tidbits of things that are much darker than they appear (: )

To start I LOVE THE DETAILS OF THEM NEVER TEACHING READER ANYTHING- at first I assumed "oh they might see her as a little sister or child or something" but realized thAT WAS THE ISSUE!! they infantilize her and isolate her from everyone but her group. the small details like that are what make the story amazing 😎💅

ahh thank you so much, nonnie!! pls this is making me soft 🥺

I just wanted to stop by and say that I love your writing and I hope you're doing well!!! Drink plenty of water and keep up the amazing work :) but seriously you're one of the best fanfic writers I've seen on tumblr! I read your "Imitation" piece about kuroo and i keep coming back to it, it's so good! I did want to ask if you think it'd be possible for the reader to ever escape with the baby (or at least attempt to). Or if Kenma would "help" at all just to put an end to kuroo's antics lmao

kenma would in no way help the reader, and tbh by that point if kuroo did get her pregnant, she’d be far too emotionally dependant on him to actually even want to leave, but thanks for the ask!

You know who I think would be a perfect Yandere in the JJK world? Choso.

🚨Spoilers Ahead🚨

After being locked in a glass jar for however long he was, and all that happened with his brothers, I feel like he would absolutely never let his darling out of his sight. He would be possessive. Obsessive. And Oh So delusional. Sure he’d be your anything - he truly is a softy - but to what end?🤤

choso would make an excellent yandere, ngl 😌

what au/troupe of your fav character(s) that you have written do you like the most?

(rlly hope this makes sense🙏)

i am always a slut for soulmate au’s :))

#ask #anon #rhi answers #ohh so many asks #i love you guys <33 #fic q's

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akaashiclub · 4 years

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girls chase boys ☇ t.k.

☇ pairing: tsukishima kei x fem!reader

☇ genre: fluff, oc is an absolute babie who has no shame, tsukishima goes from ‘she’s annoying’ to ‘she’s aight’ to ‘i may be lowkey in love w her it’s nbd tho’, oc will literally not give up, tsukishima is still a first year (word count: 4.1k)

☇ synopsis: usually when experiencing such a soul-crushing rejection, one would give up on their feelings, right? right?

☇ a/n: i binge-read some haikyuu fanmanga and i was ~inspired~ plus like... this trope?? persistant bubbly x uninterested cold is?? literally everything?? (playlist link: here)

“i like you!!!”

you kind of felt like the main character of a shoujo, with the wind making your hair dance in the air

standing face to face with your longtime crush

(and by longtime, you mean about two months)

that’s when it all started

no— it was earlier

the orientation ceremony

all the first years standing in neat, organized rows, listening to the principal give a welcoming speech

at least, that’s what you were supposed to be doing

in reality, your eyes were trained on the 188cm tall blonde in the row in front of you

you couldn’t see the stage— also, you didn’t care

bc ~he~ was in front of you

tsukishima kei

you learned his name later when you discovered you were in the same class

and he sat in the adjacent row, one seat forward

the absolutely perfect position to stare at his side profile the entire class

and that is exactly what you did for two months

that and gathering info on him

tsukishima kei, 188.3cm (now 190.1), born on september 27th, best friends with yamaguchi tadashi, #11 on the karasuno volleyball team

and then there you were, confessing your undying love to him

...or something like that

“no thanks. not interested.”

usually, that would soul-crushing enough to make them leave him alone

not you <3

the giggle that escapes your lips makes his eyebrow twitch on confusion for a second

“that’s okay~” you respond.

(that’s okay ?)

(what the fuck kind of response is that being rejected ???)

(yours!!!!)

you’re exhaustingly persistent, as tsukishima comes to find out

or should i say—

“tsukki~!!”

the hair on his neck rises when you flounce into homeroom with that sing-song tone

you plop down into the seat in front of him (key note: not yours) and rest your elbows on his desk with a little grin

“don’t call me that,” (he doesn’t look up from his book)

“what~! why not?”

“only my friends call me 'tsukki’”

you snort, scooting a little closer

“that’s mean. how many times have we walked home together, and we still aren’t friends?”

“you followed me home, i didn’t consent.”

“‘followed you’?” you pout. “we live on the same road, naturally we’d walk home together,”

he doesn’t respond, just flips to the next page in his book

“do you have volleyball club today~?”

ignored.

lol

she stays strong!! she doesn’t give up in the face of adversity!!!

“you don’t have to answer, i already know you do.” you chirp. “it’s boring walking home without you... maybe i’ll come with you today~!”

it’s like talking to a wall

(a very cute, 190cm, blonde, glasses-wearing wall.)

(🥰)

instead of responding, he puts his headphones on and keeps reading

a small exhale escapes your lips, and one of the girls in the next row over leans towards you

“y/n... i think it’s a lost cause...”

“he’ll come around eventually,” you shoot her a smile, and then turn back to tsukki

you lean forward, reaching towards his head and tugging the headphones down around his neck

and when he looks up (he does within an instant), you shoot him a sly smile

several students around you gasp

after all, who would dare bother tsukishima with his headphones on??? that’s some instant death shit

“move.”

“i like being this close to you though,” you tease

and he rolls his eyes, standing up and heading for the exit of the classroom

the shock in the classroom — that you’re still ALIVE — is clear

your friend from before gapes

“y-y/n what are you playing at??”

“courtship,” you sigh dramatically, and hop to your feet to chase after the blonde monster

“tsukki~!! are you getting lunch?? wait for me~!!”

everyone on the first floor knows: it’s become the norm to see tsukishima, book in hand, headphones around neck, and followed by a chirpy pipsqueak

even yamaguchi doesn’t stick as closely to him as ‘tsukishima’s lapdog’ (as you’ve started being called by the fellow first years) does

the nickname doesn’t really bother you

after all, it’s just a reminder of your determination and refusal to give up

which is a virtue, in your mind!!

some people feel bad for tsukishima, constantly being bothered by you for weeks on end

others admire your stubbornness

and one group of people you can always count on supporting you are the karasuno volleyball club <3

ever since you started showing up to their practices

and all their practice matches and official games too

they all befriended you

but you grew tired of just sitting and watching tsukki on the sidelines, so you asked coach ukai if you could help out during practices!!!

there can’t rly be ... three managers... so you suggested retrieving balls or being tsukki’s personal assistant

he saw right through you <3

but it’s ok bc he thought it would be entertaining and agreed

tsukki: angy

even when he’s annoyed he’s cute tho <33 and you make sure to tell him that <333

and so! you get tsukki’s water, towels, etc etc (ofc u help other ppl too when they need it but tht’s what the two managers r for... tsukki is ur #1)

the other players are like 0.0 she’s kinda scary... but cute at the same time doe...

one day you’re in a particularly good mood (aka: a bad day for tsukki lol)

“tsukki~!”

“don’t call me that.”

“i want to tell you something,”

the whole gym is kinda just 👁️👄👁️ waiting to see what happens

“what? i need to change, hurry it up.”

ur inner monologue: kdNNN even when he’s mean he’s cute!!!!

but anyways:

“i like you,”

hinata, kageyama, tanaka, noya, literally everyone: 😳😨 mf what—

sugawara’s like “oh god he’s just reject her and crush her heart... right in front of EVERYONE—”

“not interested.” tsukki says, and his tone isn’t any less cold than usual

u kno that anime lightning effect when the character’s body is joLtED...

tht’s everyone else in the gym

tanaka and nishinoya are highkey ready to let you cry into their jerseys when—

you laugh

you right after being mercilessly rejected: 🥰

you can’t help it !!!!! it’s not discouraging you ok??? you alr knew what he’d say!!! but you had to tell him <3 can’t let him forget tht he’s the ✨love of your life✨

entire gym: s h o o k

“did she just l a u g h??”

“is she okay?? no srsly”

“what... just happened”

tsukki walks off, water bottle in hand

you follow after him, bouncing on the soles of your feet

“don’t forget your towel~! want me to wipe off your sweat~?”

“no thanks.”

cue fading banter between you two as he goes to change his clothes

he has to be like hOe GeT oUT for you to not go into the locker room lmfao damn... thirsty bitch... same tho

later tanaka and noya (feat. hinata who just wants to be included) jump tsukki

“shE LAUGHED WHEN U REJECTED HER??? IS SHE OK???”

“she confesses to me every week. she’ll do it again. it’s not that big of a deal.”

“not thAT BIG— can u imagine if kiyoko liked us that much.... ”

(cue tanaka sobbing)

tsukki was right tho

after the third time you randomly confessed to him in front of them they were just like

same shit different day, anyways rolling thunder

but they still highkey adopted you

so they go grr grr when tsukki rejects you all cold and shit

shockingly tho??? the more you confess the less it’s “not interested” and more just “*sigh*”

is this... PROGRESS???

but the zero braincell triad cornered him again in the locker room one day

(it’s their trademark)

(nishinoya) “so why do you keep rejecting her??”

(hinata popping in) “yea she’s super dedicated and helpful!!!”

(tanaka lowkey shuddering) “she’d probably let herself get hit in the face w a volleyball if u asked”

(and tanaka would be: correct)

(but anyway)

“she was annoying,”

“she... ‘was’ annoying???”

“... she IS annoying”

“tsukki... do you possibly like her??? but you’ve gotten so used to rejecting her that it’s automatic now??”

tsukki’s like V.V

“you’re reading too much into it,”

sage!nishinoya is about to probe deeper but at that moment you pop your head around the corner of the locker room and shout

“tSUKKI~!!!”

and they all scatter to hide themselves while shrieking

except tsukki, who is already clothed and gives zero fucks lmao

but anyways!!! a couple weeks pass and takeda got y’all set up with a practice match !!

with who?? nekoma!!!

hinata is like 🤩🤩 kENMA!!

only players and members of the club are supposed to go rly....

but you’re like “??? i’m tsukki’s personal assistant are you trying to take away my rights??? i’ll sue you” and coach ukai gives in sdjfkf

“tsukki can i sit with you~?”

yamaguchi about to sit there: 👁️👄👁️ bruh

tsukki doesn’t say yes but he also doesn’t say no :D

“what’re you reading?”

“english book,”

you’re like: wait— mf hold up... did he actually just answer ??

tsukki simp mode: ACTIVATED

“can i see??”

“you’re failing english, you won’t be able to read it.”

“ouch,” you pout, but there’s a small smile on your lips. “but how’d you know i was failing english?”

he doesn’t respond

“i guess it is unfair that i know everything about you and you don’t know anything about me...” you sigh

“you don’t know everything about me,” he retorts, still not looking up from his book

hehe~ gotcha

“oh? test me,” you grin, scooting closer to him

“don’t wanna.”

“you’re just scared i do know everything,” you say smugly, trying to bait him

“bet you don’t know everything about me!!!” hinata pops up from the seat in front of you

“you’re right, i don’t,”

(he pouts and disappears again)

“tsukki~” you whine. “tsukkiiiii~ i’m bored.”

“so?”

“can i wear your headphones?”

“no thanks. i don’t wanna get headlice.”

you scowl. “mean,”

you bite your cheek, staring a hole in the side of his head but he doesn’t even blink

if tsukki could major in ignoring you people, he’d have straight A’s

fortunately, you have ways to counter this

“kei~~” you whisper a little too close to his ear, and he jolts up

you try not to let the amusement show on your face, but you can’t help it

glaring at you, he pulls his headphones off his head and puts them on yours

“now be quiet,”

“mm~” you chuckle

a couple hours later, you pull into the parking lot of nekoma

the friend groups pair off, and kuroo makes a beeline for tsukki, only to catch sight of you

“hey four-eyes— who’s this?”

tsukki glances down at you, to which you shoot him a sugary smile

“dunno,” he says, and walks off

you wave to kuroo with a sunny grin

“i’m y/n~! i’m tsukki’s personal assistant and future wife~”

his eyebrows rise, and with a quick bow, you bounce after the blonde

once the group is all in the gym, practice jerseys are handed out and you help yachi and shimizu prepare the water and towels

you’re about to make a beeline for tsukki, when someone calling your name stops you

“y/n! wanna get me some water?” kuroo calls

you only blink for a moment before hopping to it, darting across the gym

for the rest of the day, kuroo is constantly calling for you—

“y/n! can you wipe the sweat off my neck?”

“hey, y/n, get me some water~”

“y/n!”

“y/n, over here!”

and by the time the several hours is over, you haven’t gotten to speak to tsukki once 🥺 snnff :(

when you finally get a free moment, you look around for him, but he’s nowhere to be found

sad face :(

and then !!!! turns out nekoma paid for bbq for everyone 🤩🤩 cats are so generous

and somehow??? you find yourself surrounded by nekoma players???

“here y/n, want some of my bbq?”

“no, take mine!!!”

“do you want any fruit?? i have some!!”

“you were so helpful today!! how’d you stay so energetic the whole time??”

you flash a smile, ready to charm the shit out of them, when a voice interrupts:

"hey, personal assistant.”

your eyes light up, bc you’d recognize that salty ass voice anywhere!!!

the guys around you part to reveal—

“tsukki!!!” you squeal, maybe a little too excitedly

“aren’t you supposed to be assisting me?? get me some food.”

you shove your plate into the free hand of one of the nekoma players (his name was... liam? lief... lev?) and dart to get tsukki something to eat

when you hand it to him, you flash him your most dazzling smile

“eat up! you worked hard today~”

he eyes you silently before digging in, and you smile absentmindedly while watching him

“why are you staring at me like that?”

“because i like you,” you respond without hesitation

he averts his eyes, but doesn’t say anything mean

your stomach flips a little

i’m coming for you, tsukishima kei.

on the ride home, you’re once again sitting next to him, and he gives up his headphones without a fight this time

you’re so tired from running around helping kuroo all day that you find your eyelids getting heavy as tsukki’s music plays in your ears

you try to subtly lean on his shoulder but he pokes you away

you glare at him, pouting, but settle for leaning against the headrest

and then, you’re drifting off

and you’re having a strange dream

a pleasant dream, with fuzzy corners and honey-colored light streaming across the scene, but still strange

in this dream, he’s kissing you

it’s not like you haven’t had dreams like this before, it’s just that this one feels so much more vivid

and yet blurry at the same time

even when the dream ends and you blink back into consciousness you can still distinctly feel his lips against yours

his glasses brushing against your cheek

his fingers interlacing with your hair

a warm smile curls up your lips as you grasp lingering wisps of the dream, when—

“you’re drooling.”

your eyes snap open and you jolt up, furiously wiping the side of your mouth

“am not!!”

tsukishima blinks uninterestedly from the empty bus aisle, arms crossed

“dreaming about something vulgar?”

you grin, resting your chin on your palm

“would you like to hear ab—?”

he’s just “nope,” and turns towards the exit

hopping out of the seat, you follow him

“it was such a nice dream,” you sigh

“must’ve been, if you were drooling that much.”

“i was not—”

and then you notice something

everyone else is already gone from the bus

“wait a minute... did you wait for me?”

you hear a scoff

bUt hE dOEsNt DeNy iT

“you WAITED for me!!!!” you exclaim, happiness radiating off you in waves

“if i’d left you on the bus, nishinoya and tanaka would’ve killed me if i didn’t,” he says curtly

but you are, after all, the human equivalent of ‘this sign can’t stop me because i can’t read’

or that tiktok trend

tsukishima: i don’t like you, i only waited for you because i was literally forced at gunpoint

y/n: 🎶i waited for you🎶

the next day, it’s practice as usual at the karasuno gym

but?? sniff sniff someone is here that shouldn’t be

this rando first year has been pacing around right outside the gym entrance

and all the vbc members are like 👁️ whomst?

and when you finally arrive (right along behind tsukki)

he yells out your name

and holds out a bouquet of flowers <3 how cute

“y/n, um— i, i know you don’t know me but i’ve liked you since the orientation ceremony!!! i think you’re really pretty and cute and smart—”

cue a quiet scoff from tsukki, “if she’s his definition of smart, then how dumb is he?”

cue sugawara jabbing his side (sugamama is protective of his child y/n)

“—and i know you like tsukishima, but i hope you’ll give me a chance!! i can make you happier than him!!”

at this point, everyone in the gym is watching like 👁️ oh?? TEA??

and is that... is that an aura of raging irritation coming from tsukishima??

you open your mouth to politely reject the guy, when

literally out of nowhere tsukki just a p p e a r s

“hey, idiot. aren’t you supposed to be my personal assistant?? go set out the volleyballs instead of flirting,”

you dip your head and smile apologetically at the guy before heading towards the store room

and after that, you notice tsukki is a bit harsher, a bit more off his game, a little more easily irritated than usual

during a free moment, you nudge tanaka

“doesn’t he seem like he’s in a bad mood??”

zero braincell tanaka is like “??? isn’t he always like that??”

“no... something is definitely off today...”

what . could it be . i wonder .

every time you try to do your usual “tsukki~!!” he just turns away and ignores you

doesn’t sound too out of the ordinary, but you can just tell something is wrong

you still have no idea why he’s acting like this by the time practice ends

and when you go to the locker room to find him (so y’all can walk home together), he’s already gone :(

so, a little more droopy than usual, you head out

only to be surprised by a voice when you step outside

“took you long enough,”

you whip around to see tsukki leaning against the wall with crossed arms

he clicks his tongue and then sets off

and when you don’t immediately follow him, he glances over his shoulder

“are you coming or not?”

sdjfksjsdkjfsdjf smmpdfhsdf !!!!!!!

it’s just one sentence, and it doesn’t really mean anything

but hearing the words makes something incredibly warm bloom in your chest

you grin

“of course i am,”

that feeling lasts well into the next morning, but is replaced by a nauseating knot in your stomach when you arrive at school

because everyone’s whispering about one thing:

“tsukishima got called to the principal’s office!!!”

“whaaat ! why??”

“i heard he was caught with the answers for the upcoming exam!!”

your stomach . clenches

and before anybody can say another word, you’re sweeping out the door and down the hall

and in less than 30 seconds, you’re slamming open the door to the principal’s office

the principal and tsukki both look up, equally shocked at your sudden appearance

“y/n, what—”

you ignore him for the first time in your life

“sir, i need to tell you something.”

the principal is just like “... ?? can it wait??”

“no, it can’t.” you take several steps forward “the test answers, they—”

“y/n, don’t—”

you ignore him for the second time in your life again

“they’re mine,”

the principal blinks

“then why was tsukishima found holding them before class??”

“yesterday, they must’ve fallen out of my backpack. he probably picked them up without knowing what they were, so please don’t punish him,” you bow. “punish me instead,”

.. y/n dumb bitch

yea, you’re suspended for two weeks

and ofc there’ll be a mark on your record

plus you’re automatically given a fail for the upcoming exam so you’ll have to retake it later oof....

but as much as all that sucks, you don’t regret it bc you’d rather take the fall than let tsukki be wrongly accused and suffer for it

but honestly the break from school is kinda vibes 🥴

don’t even think about the homework you’ll have to make up

your phone is blowing up with texts from your friends

including your surrogate dads and moms from the karasuno vbc 🤧 they’re so worried about you

you’re sad you have to miss practice for such a long time but... you don’t regret your decision

“y/n!!” your little sister knocks on your door “one of your classmates is here for you,”

“‘kay!!” you call back, checking the time

shidt bitch time flies when you’re watching anime alone in your bedroom

you hop up and open your bedroom door to come face to face with the one. the only. tsukishima kei

your eyes are like O.O

“tsukki??? what are you doing here??” you grin “are you here because you’re worr—”

“no,” he cuts you off “i’m here to deliver your homework,”

“you could’ve given it to my sister, y’know,” you tease. “why’d you come all the way to my bedroom?? you missed me, hm?”

he doesn’t answer, instead surveying the room before sitting down on the edge of your bed

you blink, surprised he didn’t comeback with a cold retort

“tsukki?” you ask quietly, sliding into your desk chair

after a moment of silence, he fixes you with a stoic gaze

“why’d you lie?”

“because... because i couldn’t let you take the blame for that. i don’t know what happened, but i know you weren’t cheating. i know it.”

“neither were you. what’s the difference?”

you press your lips together in a frustrated pout

“the difference is that it’s you!!! i’m mediocre. i’m not outstanding. i’ll go to an average college either way, and it’ll be fine. but you..! you’re so smart!! and talented!!! you could do anything you want!!! you could get into an elite college!! the last thing you need is for some stupid misunderstanding to sully your transcript—”

“y/n—” he tries to cut in, but you bulldoze right over him

“— and i know you probably think what i did was useless and unhelpful, but i don’t care!!! i don’t care about a mark on my transcript, or being suspended, or failing all my exams, or even being expelled—”

“y/n—”

“— but i absolutely refuse to let that happen to you!! you’re too special for—”

this time, it’s not him speaking that interrupts you

this time, it’s him kissing you

you nearly combust on the spot

tsukki— tsukishima kei is kissing you

he’s leaning over you, with one hand on the chair’s armrest and the other steadying your head with his fingertips

your stomach does several full somersaults

and then, all too quickly, he pulls away and returns to his spot on your bed

you stare, eyes wide as saucers, mouth slightly agape

“w— what was— why did—”

“you wouldn’t stop talking,” he mutters, eyes focused a little too hard on the wall

for a moment, you’re too shocked to move

and then your 🥰tsukki🥰 mode activates

and you just fuckin LUNGE at him

“y/n??? what—!”

kisses!!! kisses on his cheeks!! his nose!!! his forehead!!!

and shockingly he doesn’t?? push you off??

me heart just skipped a beat wjdkfjs

he’s just like “y/n, you’re fogging up my glasses, please stop,”

“i refuse!!!! i’ve been waiting months to do this!!!!!”

once he manages to de-suction you from him, you fix him with doe eyes and a cheeky grin

“hey, tsukki??”

“.. what?”

“i like you,”

he blinks

adjusts his glasses

“make sure to finish that homework. i’m bringing tomorrow’s homework too,”

as he’s leaving, you hope he can feel your glowing smile on his back

the next day, you get a message from the school letting you know that your suspension and other punishments have been retracted

as the real culprit of the cheating was found

an unannounced locker-search discovered several exam cheatsheets almost exactly like the one tsukki found in the locker of a student, and the school realized their mistake <3 how nice of them

and that meant you were free to return to school, name cleared!!!

the volleyball club was eagerly awaiting your return

so when they saw tsukki arrive for practice, they expected you’d be following right along behind him

but instead???

you were koala-ing on his abdomen

“bro... did you carry her all the way here like that??”

“the real question is why he allowed it,”

you shoot a blinding grin at the guys

“he can at least do this much for his girlfriend~!”

the entire gym is like WhA T !!!!!

“hE SAID YES???”

“nope,”

“he... asked you out?? then??”

“also no...”

“did he at least tell you he liked you...?”

“...”

“NISHINOYA STOP SHE’S TEARING UP,” sugamama to the rescue

you let go of tsukki and half the team goes IN on him

“dude wtf!!! she got suspended for you and you didn’t even at least tell her you like her???”

“not just suspended, almost expelled!!!”

“yeah that!!!”

“i say we kill tsukki,”

“tanaka no,”

“GUYS!!” angry!daichi makes an appearance “it’s time for practice!!!”

grumbling, the team disperses

you’re about to head to the store room to help get out the practice equipment, when—

“y/n.”

you turn “hm?”

he’s silent for a moment

“i wouldn’t have kissed you if i didn’t like you.”

your face flushes a deep red

but then he adds, “either time.”

either...? time...?

W A I T

your eyes POP OUT

“that— that wasn’t a DREAM???”

he doesn’t answer, just heads onto the court

but you think you see a slight smirk

and maybe... just maybe??

his ears are a little more red than usual.

#haikyuu #hq #haikyuu!!#tsukishima kei #tsukishima x reader #reader x tsukishima #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu fic #haikyuu au #au #haikyuu fanfic #haikyuu imagine #tsukishima au #tsukishima scenarios #tsukishima kei au #girls chase boys #fanfic

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softshouyous-archive · 5 years

Note

omg i’m in class so i cant read everything but i saw molecules so do that one and 2 others u wanna talk about love u

MOLECULES GJKFDJG YOU WOULD HAHA THANK YOU I LOVE YOU

molecules: have you ever lost anyone close to you? if yes, how did it feel at the time and how does it feel now to talk about them? do you fear death?death //////// hm i have not thankfully! and big YES god i’ve always been scared of death i remember crying about it while i was younger and my mom’s bf of the time was like ‘dont b scared of death’ gjdkf but ugh ya it’s so scary... i hate thinking about death it makes me so sad like . the thought of losing someone and NEVER being able to see them again EVER is so scary like. it feels surreal? like someone who was in your life for x months/YEARS and suddenly? GONE forever. like if you want to call them they wont pick up if you want to text them they won’t answer. and it’s just like... i think it’s so hard to deal with never being able to see one again esp since i’m used to being able to see/contact my friends easily.... or at least know that they’re doing well.

and something that really scares me too about death is like. not knowing when the last time you’ll see someone is. like maybe you’re about to meet someone but then something happens or maybe you get into a horrible fight with someone and that’s the last of it. or maybe you haven’t seen a friend in a long time and when you decide to check up on them you can’t and it’s like AH... the uncertainness of it all... is so scary like it terrifies me.... a lot....

and i’m scared of death myself too because like.... hhh not knowing what happens after death is scary... like is there an afterlife where you get to hang out with people or does it just go to black forever..... and you just lie in darkness forever or youre like unconscious and not feeling anything... or is reincarnation a thing???? but reincarnation also makes me a little sad bc so the thought of rebirth is nice but not being able to meet the same people again in the next life??? SAD.... )): because i’m like v grateful to know all the people that i do ..... like hhhh it scares me that i eventually wont be able to see the people i care about and it may or may not happen suddenly and without being able to say bye.... like i HATE THAT hhhh

he’ll never love you: were you ever in denial about your sexuality? were you ever in denial of a crush? do you like to talk about your crushes to your friends?hm i actually can’t remember if i was in Denial but i dont doubt it? i remember it was something i struggled with for months-a year? because i just wasn’t able to settle on a label. sexuality was all vvvv new to me esp because i’d never considered being gay??? so when i suddenly started to feel romantic attraction towards girls i was like wait a fucking minute.... and i just wanted to get a label i was comfortable with to get it all over with because not having one made me feel v confused and just overall uncomfortable?? but it’s interesting to look back at how i felt about it in the beginning because now i’m just really comfortable with it and can’t imagine being straight LOLoh as for a crush i think i was in denial of the last guy crush i had HAHA it was so on and off with him.... like he’s a friend of my cousins’ so like i’d only see him a few times a year and i was like NO.... i don’t want to like him.. gdfjkghfd it made things weird ??? and idk he wasn’t someone. i wanted to like GFJDKGF that sounds so gfdjkglfdj like he’s not ? a bad person but there are some qualities of him that make me go hm.....

and YA i totally do!!! i only talk to my friends about crushes ghfdjgkdfgf i think it’s really fun LOL

pretty girl: who was the most recent crush you had? do you still like them? did you tell them/do you want to tell them?OH my last crush was like three years ago LOL and nope i moved past it after like.... five months? it’s interesting like all my girl crushes have been short compared to the guy crushes i’ve had which is intersting bc the guy crushes were less genuine..... ?? anyway a part of me DID want to tell her and idk why??? like when i like someone there’s always a part of me that wants to let them know??? even though i KNOW that they don’t like me back.... but i guess the chance of them liking me back is there??? (even if extremely minimal LOL) like the hope of them liking me back you know... but hm would i want to tell her... a part of me wants to just to see how she’d react LOL but i don’t think i would bc the risk of making things weird plus idk how that would even come up LOL

#i have like.... never had a genuine crush on a guy #not even the friend of my cousins like idk abt that one....#and idk if i'll ever have a genuine one for a while bc any time i see a guy i wanna run in the opposite direction GJDFKGFD men scawi....#ALSO sorry the first one was a vvv long rant abt death gfdhkjf i've been mildly thinking abt it and hhhh #also i'm you looking at your phone in class GFDKG thank you again meggan wuv you <33 #long post #death /#chickenfetus #lovemail

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jchichibu · 6 years

Text

Things that God told me.

Hi, this took me a little long to pen down. It’s not because I’m too busy or I’m procrastinating – but simply because I am someone who tends to rank priorities wrongly. Penning down my thoughts about my 7-month journey in SOT (School of Theology) was something I was tasked by Lester, but something I really wanted to do even before he asked for it. Take it as a reminder for me, and take it as a 17-minute read of my 7-month endeavour for anyone who is interested.

My name is Jasmine, better known as Chichibu or CCB (Titus 1:15 lol) and I am 24 this year (it’s still 2018 as of 6:43 PM 31 December 2018 as I pen this on my way home from Malacca on the coach :P). I graduated from City Harvest Church’s School of Theology Class of 2018, and the course began from 26 Feb and I graduated on 30 Sep. As quoted by one of my favourite persons in my life Claria, I am certainly the “last person ever you will think of going SOT”. True, SOT never once crossed my mind even being in church since I was 16 and every year they ask you to tell your neighbours “Join SOT!”, but I never wanted to, or never thought I needed to. Throughout my Christian walk, the OG and most tangible thing was the love of God. I was never the most holy, most spiritual, most caring, most enthusiastic person for Christ and I might feel somewhat stagnant in my walk (but I was contented honestly). I was becoming lukewarm. I forget to read the Bible, spurt vulgarities or flash finger signals I probably should never ever have, think or covet for things I should not and did things I’m not proud of. I sometimes would not want to show I am a Christian because I don’t want people to think badly of Christianity. I am just not a standard girl you would expect to want to go SOT.

However, a week before the closing of registration of SOT I had a push from God to join SOT. I went for a jog and I remembered clearly at the uphill of Toh Tuck Rise I made a decision to register for SOT. Yea, people who are not from my church will think I really sot, I just got lifted my burdens of having 4 private tutees out of my full time job, and now am I really doing this to myself? To burden myself with SOT, full time job and attempting have a social life? I was also motivated to have my routine of working out every morning and even had plans to sign up something with Ling Hui at the gym. SOT is a commitment and yes, I have to wake up at 7 AM everyday for SOT at 8.45 AM and end work generally when the sky is dark. Ok la obviously I just yolo-ed and ‘took a leap of faith’, said goodbye to chill 2018 and registered for SOT!!! Through it all I know that God will carry me through and nothing is too hard for Him. Though at that moment I really can’t believe I’m doing this to myself.

I am not going write about what SOT is about, but I am going to pen my revelations. I did keep a dated record of things that spoke to me throughout my journey and I hope some of these will relate to some of you and serve as a reminder for me as the year closes. Hopefully the (long) introduction above gave you some sort of context as to who I am, and now I begin: Things that God told me.

1. It is not by my might that I am saved, or that God loves me. You can rely on Jesus to forgive you, but do not take it for granted. Cheap grace is not what we are looking for here. When God forgives, remember to learn something from it and avoid the mistake again.

2. Since 16, I recalled every moment that I prayed for something, gets it eventually and forget that it was God. Countless times with my knees bent worshipping God in SOT, I was reminded of how smooth my life has been. I remember when I was 18, I was praying to get into a local university because my results were not fantastic. I was scared. But look, I got accepted into my first choices for the 3 local unis. I remember when I was 21, I got into exchange programme without even meeting the critieria of cGPA 3.5 (lol). I remember when I was 22, I was so anxious after my paper because I felt I would fail the paper and that means I will retain and not graduate with my peers (Ely do you remember us drinking Tiger at ahlian? Haha). Look, I scored a D or something in the end but I graduated as planned.

3. I’ve disappointed God several times, I am in church but I feel like shit, you know. I have had bad days, where I feel freaking unworthy of God to love me and I want to run away. Having the revelation that God has not disappointed me a single time makes me more mindful how mighty He is, and how weak I am, and how much I needed to stop disappointing God. We cannot not sin, truth is, we all have. But we can make a decision everyday to rely on God. The authority to defeat Satan is in me. God loves me so much. So so so so sosoososososososoooooo much what is my next move?

The woman was left alone. Jesus stood up and spoke to her. “Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?” “No one, Master.” “Neither do I,” said Jesus. “Go on your way. From now on, don’t sin.” (John 8:9-11)

4. Learn to wait upon the Lord. Those who know me personally know I am a relatively fast paced person. I do not really like to wait or queue up for things and I speak super quickly.. I know Jeremiah 29:11 very well but I still plan things for myself anyway. Is this lack of faith/disbelief in God that I am experiencing? But I know God has a plan for me. You see, it gets very conflicting, for fear that my impatience will ‘spoil’ God’s good plans for me. As 2019 becomes less fast paced and I become older, may I calm my tits down and tarry in the Lord. It means to stay longer than expected and be patient in hope. Because for the record, God’s plans has always been good to me – when I see the big picture now for the uncertainties I felt in the past, everything makes sense. I need to truly believe that God will provide, God is truly the overseer of my life, God’s timing will come.

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. (Matthew 6:33)

5. Be thankful to God and always be. If you are thankful, you will always find your way back to Jesus. Take thanksgiving to God more seriously, EVERYDAY. And I thank God that every night before I sleep I always have something to be thankful about up.

6. Right values and right spirit translates to right actions. I’ve learnt to set boundaries for my value system, not everything is okay, even if my free-spirited soul tells me “aiya yolo” countless times. Spirit wise, I need to talk to God more consistently. The Holy Spirit is something I learnt to engage more in SOT, and I need to remember to communicate with it more (considering how slack I was in the past and it has yet become a habit). I am a reflection of my own routine.

7. To not find ways to see how close I can go without stepping over the line. Instead, think how far I can be from that line. This was mentioned during one of Pastor Ed’s session, struck a chord in me since then. People like me, free-spirited, come-what-may kind of personality, running away from things I deem as fun (but not exactly morally upright) is hard. I crave excitement and adventure. I need to learn, not everything that makes me happy is beneficial for me. I am responsible for my own freedom. Deliberate habitual sinning makes us okay to cross this line and it’s scary. I forget that it is actually not pleasing to God, I forget that it will hurt me, because I’ve gotten used to it, I’ve gotten immune to it. I do not feel bad anymore. And that itself, is toxic.

8. Repentance, I need to repent from things in my life. Inward change + outward action = repentance. I feel constantly that I’m doing both half-heartedly. It’s hard to truly 100% repent if I continue this way. Deal with the heart problem.

9. Life is worth living for the Lord. Quit thinking that life without acknowledging is my Saviour is better. I used to have thoughts that life would be better without being a Christian – I don’t have to feel shitty about having done something bad, I can sleep till super late on a Sunday, look my friends who are unchurched are living alright too… I envy them sometimes. Then I realised I need to be secured in my identity in Christ. I am a child of God, and knowing Jesus should be one of the best decisions of my life. Yes, people who do not know God can lead a good life too. But I should not think that knowing God has compromised my happiness and freedom in life. God gave us free-will and there is freedom in Him. Quitting Jesus will likely mean I am not returning.

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh ; rather, serve one another humbly in love. (Galatians 5:13)

10. If we think closely about most of the things in our lives, there must be an exchange. I gave the auntie my 3 dollars in exchange for a plate of chicken rice this afternoon. The handicapped uncle busked in the streets in hope that someone could give him some money in exchange for his time. Jesus died in exchange for the forgiveness of our sins. I cannot keep taking for granted that I will go to heaven if I keep doing things not according to the will of God; I need to exchange something. Is it my lack of discipline, is it a person, is it a hobby? Surrender.

11. My life should not be a paradox. Make my words precious. From my heart, motives and mind, I need to understand why things cannot be done. Does my verbal profession translate to moral obedience? My life is the most powerful message for people. No one has seen Jesus but they have seen me. Live my life for Christ. Be mindful of what I speak about, don’t say or do things I don’t mean. Treat people genuinely. I should learn to not just receive God’s love, learn to give God some love too by loving His people. He deserves it. When people say my name, what do they say about?

Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don’t act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like. But whoever catches a glimpse of the revealed counsel of God—the free life!—even out of the corner of his eye, and sticks with it, is no distracted scatterbrain but a man or woman of action. That person will ﬁnd delight and afﬁrmation in the action. (James 1:22-25)

12. I can live at my own level of faith. I always categorise my friends as upz and never felt equivalent to them. You see, I don’t speak or edify people so much, I don’t lead people, I speak whatever comes my mind (#uncensored) and I am not a standard example of a holy person. Then I talked to some people I deemed as upz and I realised we are all human beings with real temptations and fears; whatever I face they face too, just differently but we have inadequencies. Maybe I’m just more vocal about these things, but everyone’s fighting their own battles even if they looked perfect on the exterior. I learnt that God did not create robots, but created us in His image… and we can be comfortable with who we are. I do not need to be whoever for God to love me more, God is happy with who I am, as long as I live my life with integrity, offline and online, real life or secret life. I can just stay rooted in Him based on my own pace. God isn’t impressed by human strength. If I want real and divine strength and power, first I have to be weak by the standards of this world. When I’m weak by the standards by the world, then I can get the grace to become strong in God. I need God.

For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. (Romans 12:3)

13. Leadership is not about title, leadership is about influence. Note to self about my life as a teacher or colleague or friend. I want to influence positively, I want to be someone who honours my word, that what I believe in is in sync with how I act out and live out.

14. God does not waste every experience I face in my life. No one knows the full shit I’ve experienced, the real training that I’ve been through but when the situation calls for it, I can be useful to people around me. Don’t come out of experiences empty-handed, instead bring treasures of darkness.

15. Read the Bible more, spend time with the Holy Spirit more, pray more. I was forced (ok, at the last feel moments of SOT I was truly forced due to time constraints) to complete the Bible and I realised how much wisdom the Bible has and how little I’ve read it through my years. Contradicting isn’t it? I fail to read the sole thing that was given to me to know God better. As I said earlier, my relationship with God is based on experience – experiencing His love. What if one day I stopped experiencing God’s love during sessions, will I still follow Jesus? The word is indeed important, in times of need I can become a blessing. I beat myself up for the fact that I lost time in my years as a Christian not reading the Bible as much as I should have, but may 2019 be a year where I find time on my own to look deeper into His word and know His word.

Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching. (II Timothy 4:2 NKJV)

Pray until inadequacy leaves me. Pray until my prayer is answered. Pray until my burden is lifted. Be close to the Holy Spirit and ensure that when God knocks at my door, I am available and present to answer it. My thought pattern is developed through years and I need to undo this thought pattern by the Holy Spirit, prayers and word of God.

But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly. (Matthew 6:6)

16. Make decisions when you are not emotionally unstable. Decisions is rooted in your character. Learn to stop acting on impulse. Learn to say no at times. Align my decisions with the will of God.

17. Whatever I focus on grows. Become wiser this year about the people, the finances, the health, the things i spend my time on...

Get wisdom—it’s worth more than money; choose insight over income every time. (Proverbs 16:16)

18. God loves me so much… through SOT, I am certain of the love of God. Now remember this and know that nothing I do or not do can make God love me lesser or more.

19. I can decide what comes into my heart. Let what is worth it come into your heart.

Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that’s where life starts. (Proverbs 4:23 – 27)

20. Be secure in myself, no need to strive to prove myself. If I’m good people can see.

21. If God speaks, will I be willing to listen?

Sooooo, is SOT necessary? To be honest, no. I was so tired at that time, thankful that my dad was able to send me to work straight after SOT at 1 PM. I had no time for myself at all, there was something to do that I cannot cancel everyday. SOT was more of a routine that I learnt to follow, a controlled environment for me to know God more. I had to praise and worship every morning, pray with my peers, read the Bible, complete assignments to graduate. It gave my life some sort of order because everyday I am put in an atmosphere that allows me to meet God. However life after SOT is what really mattered the most. Certainly I got distracted and travelling a lot during my holiday did not help. However, the experiences and revelations in SOT, those are things that cannot be taken away from me... that I just need to regularly be reinforced in my head and heart. My biggest takeaway for me is that nothing will make me leave God and nothing will make God leave me.

May life after this see me becoming more matured, where I have self-realisation as to what is good and bad for me, having a mature love for God that knows no fear because I’m fully convinced that God loves me sooooo super much. Live life with integrity!

This is by no means a 2019 New Year Resolution post because I don’t want that shit anymore (typing this on 31 Dec simply ‘cuz yo girl kept forgetting to do it since 30 Sep after graduation). I’m sure I am bound to make mistakes and bound to screw up and get lost again in my life time but I just want to live my life to my best. Life never really turn out the way it is planned – some parts better than you planned, some parts worse than you planned. A general word for 2019 though, Gr. Apokaradokia: To wait with expectation with head raised and eyes ﬁxed over the horizon –

+ Apo: Means to turn away with concentration. Ignoring other interests.

+ Kara: Means head.

+ Dokia: Means to stretch forward.

Two of my favourite verses throughout my SOT times and have a blessed year ahead.

But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And don’t take yourself too seriously— take God seriously. (Micah 6:8 MSG)

God , your God, has blessed you in everything you have done. He has guarded you in your travels through this immense wilderness. For forty years now, God , your God, has been right here with you. You haven’t lacked one thing. (Deuteronomy 2:7 MSG)

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blackjacketmuses · 6 years

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hc; komaeda 6

(from this meme) @multiimuse said to blackjacketmuses: 1-22 for Kokichi, 23-42 for Komaeda

Komaeda:

23. Romance

Nagito has about as much of a sense for the romantic as a rock. Not for lack of wanting, he’s just...deeply and painfully socially awkward and maladjusted, and has very little clue of how to read situations. So...he really doesn’t get romance or romantic gestures. Oh, he gets the concept, he’s seen and read enough! But to actually act it out, it’s...hard to really parse.

If someone does something romantic for him, though, expect a very overly happy and emotional response, because that isn’t something even on his radar of things that are possible for trash like him.

24. Orientation

Nagito is very deeply asexual and demiromantic -- he’s not very interested at all, focused more on his obsessive beliefs and ideals than anything like that. However, if someone were to come along and really portray those ideals Nagito loves so much, and also reach out to him as a person...well, let’s just say it’s very safe to say he’d fall in love. (And he did.)

25. Religion

You might say that hope is his religion, and you’d probably be pretty accurate, tbh. But as for real religion, he’s...basically atheist. He’s just been through too much shit to really believe in any higher power. The only things he really believes in are hope and his luck.

26. Beauty

Well, his bio does say he likes beautiful things/people...so yeah, he does. He appreciates the aesthetics of things and people, even if he’s not romantically or sexually attracted to pretty much 99.9% of others. Places and things, too, really. Aesthetics are nice, and it’s something to occupy himself with; it relaxes him a little to just look at pretty things and let his mind drift.

27. Sleep

Haha, sleep, that’s cute. Nagito’s sleeping patterns are completely terrible. He doesn’t sleep much, and he’s a very light sleeper that has nightmares a fair bit. Sleeping pills freak him out a tad, too, mostly because he doesn’t want to sleep heavily, just in case something bad happens. He’s honestly at this point trained himself into functioning normally on two to four hours of sleep.

28. Home

He’s had several over the course of his life, mostly tiny apartments because they’re cheap and he has little to lose when something inevitably happens to them. They’re really comfortable, nice and small and cozy, but he never really has an attachment to them. They’re just places to live, and he’s long since learned never to really get used to one place.

Though...at this point, he’s getting hesitantly comfortable with the idea that Jabberwock Island is and can be a home now, for him and the others.

29. Bedroom

His bedroom tends to be very clean and neat and organized, with a lot of books and a very warm and comfortable quilt (not one in specific, really, but they always have to be warm and soft) and very little personalized touches. He’s gotten into the habit of not personalizing his living space too much, too used to losing it, but slowly but surely his cottage at Jabberwock post-everything is gaining some semblance of personality.

30. Sex

Sex is a nonissue. He’s so completely uninterested in sex. He doesn’t really see the point, and he thinks pervs like Teruteru are kind of obnoxious and tends to chase them off, one of the few opinions and quirks he has that are independent of his obsessions. It’s also part of why Mikan doesn’t bother him near as much, because to him none of her shit is sexual, it just is, and it’s more vaguely embarrassing and sympathy inducing than anything.

31. Death

Death has never scared him. He’s been around death and seen death from far too young an age, and he’s completely desensitized to it. In fact, he’s basically outright wanted to die for a while now. It’s not scary, and it’s not horrifying. It’s part of life, and the only thing it is is the meaning found in it, whether it be hope or despair.

He’d made peace with his inevitable untimely death a long time ago, honestly, and it was only a matter of waiting for it -- for him, his own meaning in death was finally peace and freedom, and the hope that others would find hope in the wake of whatever happened to him. Now, though, after it all...he’s starting to think that it might be nice to live a little longer, if just to find meaning and hope in his classmates.

32. Birth

His birthday is just another day, really. He buys himself a pastry and a new book just out of tradition, but other than that it’s a day like any other. No one gives him anything, no one acknowledges it, and no one really cares, so he doesn’t care either.

Were the others in 77-B to acknowledge his birthday as something special, he’d probably get ridiculously emotional and gushy and happy, because again, it’s not something he’d ever expected to happen to trash like him.

33. Safe

Safety is...something Nagito desperately wants and can never seem to find. It’s fleeting and uncertain, and almost all he does activity-wise is seen through the eye of ‘is it safe?’. With the terrible, horrific things that have happened to and around him thanks to his luck cycle, worrying about the safety of anything he does is at the very top of his list every time he thinks about doing anything. It’s definitely a complex and he acknowledges it as such, but that doesn’t make it any less necessary in his eyes.

(He feels safe around Hajime, thanks to Izuru’s own Ultimate Luck being stronger than his own. That’s honestly more than he thinks he deserves.)

34. Affection

He’s also not really...socially aware enough to know how to express affection properly, either, so it comes off as really creepy when he showers the target of it in praise. He’s really...gushy about the person he likes when he likes them, how amazing they are (and how strong their hope is because that tends to go hand in hand), and it gets a little disconcerting.

But he means well and he’s sincere about it, which is both simultaneously worse and better.

35. Guilt

Guilt is a strange concept to him. He grapples with it, feeling bad about things, and he does feel bad about things! But he tends to not really understand...why he’s supposed to feel bad about them? He registers “oh, they’re upset about something I said, now I feel bad”, but he can’t quite wrap his head around why the thing he said was so bad.

He’s slowly working on learning how to read why his behaviors can upset people, but he does feel bad that he does it! He wants to be friends with people, he doesn’t like upsetting them! But it’s hard to...figure out what causes it.

36. Sacrifice

He’s...well, let’s say he’s self-sacrificing to a fault. He doesn’t believe his life is worth much of anything at all, so he tends towards being a little too willing to die if his death would have meaning or help someone or -- in his eyes -- give hope to other people. He’s only distantly aware that this is not a good thing, but he doesn’t see himself as worthy of doing much else.

Conversely, if he thinks you’re more worthy than him -- specifically if you’re an Ultimate (a symbol of hope) or especially one of his classmates -- he’ll be violently opposed to any sacrifice you intend to make. Well, if it gives someone else hope he’ll be a little less upset about it, but a little.

37. Vengeance

There’s a damn good reason he hated Junko so much that it even bled through his brainwashing, and it in large part has to do with what she did to Chiaki and his classmates. She’s a symbol of despair, the antithesis of everything he believes in so obsessively, and more personally, she plunged the people he cared about -- his classmates, the people he adores so much -- into the depths of despair from which they couldn’t get out on their own, and she murdered Chiaki, the brightest hope among them.

Part of him fears that the reason Chiaki died is in a way linked to how happy he was that she cared about him despite how unworthy he was of it, and that just makes him angrier at Junko. He kind of wished he’d been able to be part of her downfall, but he’s aware he was in no shape to be, being a Remnant at the time, and he at least finds a little comfort in the fact that his death meant Hajime and the others were able to find their hope and destroy the AI Junko.

38. Sympathy

He has a lot of sympathy for Mikan and Kazuichi, really. They love someone so much, someone they see as their hope (well...it’s weird in Mikan’s case but he can overlook that) and the other person doesn’t see it the same way. Well, Kazuichi can be a little creepy about it, and Mikan is a lot creepy about it, but he has no real way to judge beyond giving Kazuichi some shit about it when he gets too pervy at Sonia.

(He kind of has the same sympathy for Fuyuhiko and Peko, because they both feel that way about the other, but they are so far from on the same page about it.)

Despite this, he is unaware enough that if someone points out that that’s how it is with himself and Hajime, he’d laugh and be genuinely confused as to why.

39. Secret

There are a lot of things Nagito keeps secret. How afraid he is every waking moment of things going wrong, his terminal illnesses, much of the disasters in his life, how deeply lonely he is, and generally how teetering on the edge of despair he’s been most of his life despite believing so fervently and obsessively in hope. He likes to give the impression that he’s very unaffected -- and to a degree he is very apathetic and emotionally numb about most things in his life -- and smiles most of the time, and he doesn’t think he’s worth being concerned about anyway, so he doesn’t see any reason to talk about those things.

It’s less a secret out of shame or embarrassment, and more a secret in that he just sees no reason anyone would care about those things, so he doesn’t bring them up.

What is a shameful secret, to him, is his buried wish that Ulitmate-level talent didn’t exist and everyone could live normal lives. That is horrible and humiliating and he’ll never even admit it’s there.

40. Scent

He’s been told by several people that he has the lingering scent of death around him, the smell of someone who should already be dead -- Mikan especially has noted it, telling him he smells very faintly of illness, like the smell in the hospital that the cleaning fluids mask -- and that doesn’t bother him at all. He can’t smell it!

But he at some point caught on that it bothers people, despite being uncertain of why, so he took to using scented toiletries to mask it. He doesn’t really pick one scent over anything else, though, so it varies.

41. Memory

Thankfully, his FTD does not affect memory, so that part of his brain is intact. In fact, he has a fantastic memory -- not quite eidetic, but very close, and is able to keep track of quite a bit of information. If he forgets you, it’s more likely that he just doesn’t care enough to remember you (and even then it’s a conscious decision) than it is he legitimately forgot.

On the good side, this helps him immensely in investigations and most of his daily life and work, especially during his time at Hope’s Peak, as a Remnant, and in the Neo World Program. But on the bad side, it means he has a nearly photographic memory of everything bad that’s ever happened to him, so that’s that. It does at least help him keep track of what to worry about in any given activity.

42. Loss

At this point in his life, he’s lost so much that he’s basically numb to the concept. He lost his dog, his parents, his home several times over, most of his friends and acquaintances, his health, and very nearly his life on many occasions. He at this point is completely inured to it, and finds it hard to grasp the pain and grief others feel at loss, mostly because at this point it’s just...it happens so much, he can’t be bothered by it anymore. He registers that people are upset when they lose things and people they care about, but because of his detachment from the concept he comes off as somewhat insincere when he tries to give comfort. He really does mean it when he tries, though.

#;hc: komaeda

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intimatevoid · 7 years

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Stolen from @littledonkeyburrito, as usual~

1. Do you prefer guys to shave down there? I have no preference. As long as the hair isn't making things difficult, like getting caught in hands and toys and teeth, he can do what he wants.

2. Do you prefer liquid, mousse or powder foundation? Why? I don’t really think about it because I don't wear foundation. My skin's clear enough that I don't need it, and even if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t wear it because I would sweat it off in minutes. (Setting spray? I destroy setting spray ;A; it’s the worst.)

3. How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? Next to nothing, I guess. All she knows is that I've been with Ash for a while, and that I was with Seb for a while too.

4. Do you enjoy watching cooking shows? Not really. Like if one's on in a waiting room or something then I'll absently watch, but if I have any say in the matter then I don't know watch them.

5. Do you worry about gaining weight? Only if it affects my health somehow. Aside from a recent fluctuation from hormonal fuckery, I can usually do whatever I want without my weight changing at all.

6. Have you ever used fake tan? Nah, I've never needed to. I tan really dark, really quickly.

7. How do you organize your make-up? I just put different kinds into little ziplock bags to keep them from getting lost in my makeup bag. Pens in one, eye-shadow and eye brushes in the other.

8. Do you ever look at someone cute, and automatically make a move? Hahaha, holy fuck, I would never have confidence in my own desirability to do something like that. What would the point even be?

9. Do you live in a house, apartment, or another type of arrangement? An apartment, but I’m hoping like crazy that later this year I’m able to move into a house.

10. What’s one event your town has that you don’t like to participate in? Toowoomba has the Carnival of Flowers. I usually avoid it because it’s too hot, and too noisy.

11. Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouses’ names? Nope, though Clare (the bitchy, transphobic one) is engaged to a lovely guy named Simon who deserves so much better.

12. Does your father have any creepy or scary friends you don’t like? I haven’t spoken to my dad in years. I haven’t spoken to any of his friends in even longer. Though he’s all about being friends with Jesus, who certainly creeps me the fuck out. Does he count?

13. Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? Ha! Literally anything that’s not conservative or whatever, they would disapprove.

14. What venue was the last real concert you went to at? Some concert hall in Brisbane, I don’t remember what it’s called.

15. Does your best friend and their mom have the same last name? Yes, no, no, yes, and half plus their dad’s last name.

16. What color is your cellphone? Black.

17. Are you currently waiting for a phone call? From whom? No, thank fuck.

18. Do you have any drugs in your bedroom? No

19. Is there a feature on your face that people compliment you on? Sometimes my eyes or my skin.

20. What are your plans for the rest of the week? Nothing, thank fuck. This past week has been exhausting and I am grateful for the chance to finally fucking rest.

21. How many studded belts do you own? None.

22. Has your partner ever had braces? I don’t think so?

23. What have you eaten today?   A sandwich, and some spicy noodles.

24. What’s your favourite thing to do? Quietly spend socially antisocial time with loved one/s, perhaps gaming or reading, gently touching but otherwise not interacting.

25. Did you wear a jacket today? Lord no, it’s way too hot.

26. Have you kissed more than two people of the same sex? Eyyyup!

27. How many times have you had sex in one day? Twice I think? Or maybe only once. I don’t have sex very often.

28. Did you exercise at all today? Nope, but I’m scheduled for it tomorrow.

29. Would you ever move far away for a job opportunity? Only if the new location was geographically close to somebody I care about. I’ve worked too fucking hard on my relationships to waste it all by distancing myself from any more of my loved ones.

30. Are you too shy/embarrassed to tell people your middle name? Negatory.

31. If not, what is it? No bc internet, but anyone who knows me well will know it anyway.

32. What day of the week is garbage day on your street? I always forget the exact day; it’s either Tuesday or Wednesday.

33. What is something new you learned today? That it’s possible to complete Dark Souls without ever levelling up.

34. Do you need a haircut? Not a full haircut, but I do need a trim. It’s been about six months since my last one and my split ends are insane.

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards? If I try, yeah.

36. When was the last time you ate popcorn? Too long ago! Probably during a D&D session.

37. Do you like eating out at restaurants? Cheap restaurants. The more expensive they get, the less I enjoy the atmosphere.

38. Is your name common? My first and middle names are semi-common, and my surname is very rare, at least in australia.

39. Do you look older or younger than your actual age? Before I transitioned, I was mistaken for up to ten years older. Now that I’ve transitioned, always younger.

40. Were you ever a Pokemon fan? Yus!

41. If you could get rid of one season, which one would you choose? Of which show?

42. Have you ever performed in front of a large group? A couple of times, yeah.

43. Are you hungry right now? Nah, I just ate.

44. Have you ever had the chicken pox? Nope. I should probably get vaccinated. 44. How often do you do laundry? About once a week.

45. Do you know anyone who snores? I do. It sucks, cause I used to not snore at all. Then randomly, about a year and a half ago, I just started snoring for no reason at all. 46. Would you make a good movie critic? I think, with some training, I could. I’m good at being analytical and critical of things. 47. What goal are you aiming for this year? 1) Move house in March/April, 2) yisit Dusty in May/June, and 3) build a computer in July when my tax return comes in! 48. What’s the farthest you’ve walked? In one day? Hard to say, I used to walk a lot but not so much anymore. 49. What does your favourite shirt look like? My current fave is just a plain black blouse. I like it because it goes with almost everything.

... what? I’m poor, I don’t own much clothing. 50. What made you feel most accomplished in your life so far? Realising just how many people I’ve surrounded myself with who care about me. Realising that I’m going to be okay. 51. What can’t you afford but wish you could? BASIC LIVING REQUIREMENTS LIKE DECENT FOOD AND CLOTHING AND STUFF LIKE THAT

Last 10 people in your Facebook messages inbox: (excluding group chats)

1. Moses

2. Sage

3. Ash

4. Maz

5. Kathryn

6. Maddie

7. Seb

8. Chloe

9. Tammy

10. Ruin

1. How long have you known 1? Since the day he was born.

2. When did you meet 2? A few years ago, though we didn’t really talk til Miitomo became a thing.

3. When was the last time you saw 3? About half an hour ago.

4. Have you and 4 ever gotten into trouble together before? Oh ho ho, have we ever.

5. How old is 5? 31? I think?

6. Have you ever taken a shower at 6’s house? Nope, I’ve never been to her place at all.

7. Have you ever taken a dump at 7’s house? Haha, yeah.

8. Have you ever thought about going out with 8? Mmmmmmmaybe :3

9. What about 9? Not going out, but we’ve fooled around together.

10. Would you ever go out with 10 or ask 10 out? I actually used to want to, but now we’ve settled into a much more satisfying dynamic.

11. What’s the best memory you have had with 1? No specific ones, but watching him start animating from scratch and achieve great things has been amazing.

12. What’s 2′s lastname? nooooot my place to spill it on the internet :P

13. Would you ever take a bullet for 3? Maybe. It’s hard to say without the situation actually happening.

14. What would you do if 4 died? I’d be pretty fuckin’ sad.

15. What would you do if you found out 5 killed someone that you were related to? Depends on who it was. I’m not very close to most of my relatives.

16. Would you take care of 6 if they were sick? Of course, assuming she was close enough to do so.

17. Would you kill 7 if it was the only way for your other friends to survive? Yep. Sorry dude. If it’s any consolation, I’d say the same for literally everyone else on this list.

18. Has 8 ever cooked for you? She has not, on account of her living half a world away. But we have promised to cook for each other when we finally meet!

19. How many times have you and 9 fought? I don’t think we ever have.

20. Have you and 10 ever cried together? I don’t think at the same time, but we’ve each had times where we cried with the other, yeah.

21. Have you and 1 ever kissed? Ew. No. He’s my brother.

22. Do you ever dream of 2? They’ve been in my dreams once or twice before.

23. Is 3 a boy? Nope.

24. Does 4 have any kids? Noooope.

25. Do you want to marry 5? Nah, I don’t think we’re really suited for that. 26. How did you meet 1? it all started when my mother gave birth to him

27. What was your first impression of 2? meme master 28. Would you ever date 3? I currently am dating 3! 29. Are 4 and 5 friends? They have never met.

30. Who is 6 going out with? Nobody at all. 31. Is 7 a boy or girl? It feels weird calling him a “boy”. He is a man. 32. What would you think if 8 became your stepbrother/sister? I would wonder how the fuck her parents 1) met mine, and 2) didn’t despise each other 33. Is #9 a dork? Of course, and I love that about her.

34. What is a random fact about #10? They make incredibly tasty vanilla custard. 35. Who does #1 have a crush on? Probably his girlfriend 36. Does #2 have any stalkers? Alas, I think they do, though hopefully they’ve all fallen away by now 37. If #3 said they were in love with you, what would you say? I would say it back to them, and we would kiss, because it is already common knowledge that this is a thing.

38. Is #4 hot? My sister is an incredibly gorgeous lass and anyone she fell for would be very lucky to be with her ^_^ 39. Who is #5 best friends with? Her sister, I think. 40. Does #6 have good fashion sense? I don’t think she tries to, but she certainly doesn’t look bad or anything. Her hair is excellent for sure. 41. Is #7 single? He is not! He started dating a lovely lady recently, which was delightful to hear. Hopefully I get to meet her in a couple of weeks. 42. Would #8 and #9 make a cute couple? Ahahaha, I think they’d drive each other up the wall.

#tumblr games #littledonkeyburrito

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pitdae · 7 years

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Tagged by the amazing @kimseongkyu! Thank you~! (^з^)-☆

ngl i either have no experience with any of these fall activities or I had to look up what it was LOL IM SO UNCULTURED. Anyway, my answers + stupid comments are under the cut! ^^

1. go apple picking vs. go on a hay ride (wth is a hay ride lMFAO I HAD TO LOOK IT UP AND ???) 2. scary vs. sweet (if this is referring to movies) 3. sweaters vs. boots (so i can STEP ON MY HATERS AHAHAHAHAH) 4. socks vs mittens (i love socks bc they cover feet and i hate feet) 5. bonfires vs. football (only bc i hate the outdoors :’)))) 6. trick-or-treating vs. watch scary movies 7. apple pie vs. pumpkin pie 8. Halloween vs. thanksgiving (halloween is only relevant to me bc of the AFTER HALLOWEEN CANDY SALE) 9. bake pie vs. bake cookies (cookies are my fav thing to bake!) 10. rain vs. fog 11. black cats vs. owls (i fell in love with owls when i was little bc of HEDWIG REST IN PEACE) 12. ghosts vs. wizards (harry potter nerd right here) 13. Harry Potter vs. Halloweentown (ive read the series many times over and i can recite lines from the movie) 14. go hiking vs. sleep in (ive never been hiking and i never will lOL my friends always invite me and im like ‘bish do you even KNOW ME’) 15. cinnamon vs. nutmeg 16. reading vs. writing (im too lazy and untalented to write rip) 17. hot chocolate vs. herbal tea (im an old bat who drinks green tea every morning) 18. live in a cabin in a forest vs. have it be fall 24/7 (CABIN?? A FOREST??? WTF that sounds like a horror movie plot no ty but i actually adore fall its my favorite season!) 19. candy apples vs. caramel apples (ive never eaten any of these~ ;;) 20. blankets vs. pillows (IM A BURRITO EVERY NIGHT) 21. roasted marshmallows vs. roasted chestnuts (밤) 22. coffee vs. apple cider (i actually hate juice, but the only coffee i drink is cafe sua da haha) 23. red leaves vs. orange leaves 24. braids vs. bows (even tho i can only do a basic braid lol) 25. scented candles vs. the smell of fresh baked goods 26: carve pumpkins vs. make pumpkin pie (i bake for a hobby!) 27. pumpkin spice lattes vs. chai lattes (none bc i only drink green tea lattes lol) 28. coats vs. oversized sweaters (my closet is filled with jackets. outerwear is my jam) 29. beanies vs. berets (I LOVE BEANIES SO MUCH) 30. candy corn vs. peanut butter cups (i hate both of these cries) 31. s'mores vs. apple crisp (soley for the cHOCOLATE!!) 32. jump in a pile of leaves vs. swing on a tire swing (with my luck i’ll probably fall off but at least its less dirty than leaves) 33. corn maze vs. haunted house (i had to look up what a corn maze was HAHA AND ITS A LITERAL MAZE OF CORN IM SO DUMB) 34. bob for apples vs. visit a pumpkin patch 35. whipped cream on hot chocolate vs. marshmallows on hot chocolate (I actually don’t like either ;;)

Not tagging anyone this time around! :3

#personal #tagged #im so lame LOL i literally dont do anything but stay indoors

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somethingsohappily · 7 years

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1-50! Please 😘🍁

1. Go apple picking V.S. Going on a hay rideI have never been on a hay ride so probably that, just because I have goneapple picking!

2. Scary V.S. SweetSo I thought this was about candy and I was like ‘how can candy be scary?”but maybe this means costumes? Scary is better!

3 Sweaters V.S. BootsUmmmmmm oh geez this is hard cause I love both. Sweaters probably just becausethey’re so cozy. I love boots though, which reminds me mine had holes in themand i need to get new ones.

4. Socks V.S. MittensSocks!

5. Bonfires V.S. FootballBonfires 100%, I don’t understand football…

6. Trick or Treating V.S. Watch Scary moviesPersonally I like watching scary movies best because im a little too old fortrick or treating. BUT. I love trick or treaters and giving out candy andseeing all the kiddos in costumes, cause that’s the best!!

7. Apple Pie V.S. Pumpkin PieBoth are good, basically i really like pie of any kind.

8. Halloween V.S. ThanksgivingHalloween!!!!!! I don’t really understand Thanksgiving and I know it’s a day to be thankful but I feel like you should be in general, and probably not on a day that we celebrate taking over someone elses land. And also i don’t eat Turkey so like the food appeal isn’t really there. ANYWAYS.

9. Bake Pie V.S. Bake CookiesBake cookies because I know how to do that. I think I’ve only made pie once(we’re lame and get pie at costco so homemade isn’t really a familything)

10. Rain V.S. FogRain, but if it’s rainy AND foggy out it’s even better!

11. Black Cats V.S. OwlsCats are the most important creatures and i love them.

12. Ghosts V.S. WizardsUghhhhhhhhhh ummmmm ghosts because ghosts as a concept fascinate me. But HarryPotter exists so i also love wizards a lot.

13. Harry Potter V.S. HalloweentownHarry Potter always and forever. BUT Halloweentown is definitely a movie Iwatch during the fall!

14. Go Hiking V.S. Sleep inProbably go hiking, I can’t really sleep in anyways and I’d rather be out withall the leaves changing color.

15. Cinnamon V.S. NutmegCinnamon!

16. Reading V.S. WritingReading because my writing skills are not great/im not that creative.

17. Hot Chocolate V.S. TeaHot Chocolate! I’m not a tea person!

18. Live in a Cabin In a Forest V.S. Have it be fall 24/7Ummmmmmmmmmmm okay so I love fall the most but I also think if it was fall 24/7i might appreciate it less. So I guess a cabin in the forest with regularseason so that I can continue to appreciate fall when it comes.

19. Candy Apples V.S. Caramel ApplesI haven’t had either of these?? I’ve had those lollipops that are like greenapple with caramel, but I think that’s the closest I’ve gotten to either ofthose. Maybe this year that’s the goal.

20. Blankets V.S. PillowsBlankets! Also I wish I had more furniture because a blanket fort and scarymovies would be amazing and i want to do that.

21. Roasted marshmallows V.S. Roasted ChestnutsMarshmallows! I think I may be allergic to chestnuts? I havent had one and Ijust feel like I should be wary of eating them, regardless of if I’ve mostlyoutgrown that food allergy.

22. Coffee V.S. Apple CiderCoffee!

23. Red Leaves V.S. Orange LeavesBoth!! Together!!

24. Braids V.S. BowsUmmmmm neither? I dont have an opinion on this!

25. Scented Candles V.S. The Smell of Fresh Baked GoodsBaked goods, but I do love a fall candle! Which reminds me, everyone needs to keep me out of Bath and Bodyworks because I have too many candles and don't need more

26. Carve Pumpkins V.S. Make Pumpkin PieCarve pumkins!! I need to talk to karen and see if she wants to do that thismonth!

27. Pumpkin Spice Lattes V.S. Chai Tea LattesPumpkin spice!! But not from Starbucks cause their’s aren’t that great!

28. Coats V.S. Oversized SweatersOversized sweaters cause I like when the sleeves are long and I can pull themover my hands or be a weirdo and wave them around.

29. Beanies V.S. BeretsBeanies, tell Harry and Niall to stop wearing berets.

30. Candy Corn V.S. Peanut Butter CupsPeanut Butter Cups, candy corn is just okay…

31. S'mores V.S. Apple CrispApple crisp, especially my mom’s! Its the best and I should see if she would want to make some or at least give me the recipe so I can pretend i know what I’m doing.

32. Jump In a Pile of Leaves V.S. Swing on a Tire SwingTire swing because im always worried about bugs in piles of leaves, and usuallyin WA the leaves are wet and that’s less satisfying to jump into!

33. Corn Maze V.S. Haunted HouseCorn maze because i am a baby and get scared in haunted houses. (even though iused to go ghost hunting sooooooo logic?)

34. Bob For Apples V.S. Visit a Pumpkin PatchPumpkin Patch, I have never wanted to put my face into a bucket of water just to try and catch fruit in my mouth, andprobably never will.

35. Whipped Cream on Hot Chocolate V.S. Marshmallows on HotChocolateMarshmallows and hot chocolate, though whipped cream is really good. Can therebe both? also sprinkles. Is that too much for hot chocolate? That’s basically a cup of sugar.

36. The smell of pumpkin guts V.S. rotting leaves?Pumpkin guts!

37. Sweet V.S. salty pumpkin seeds?I actually haven’t had pumpkin seeds, I think my mom was worried I’d beallergic and then I just never tried to eat them.

38. Store bought V.S. pumpkin patch pumpkins?Pumpkin patch but store bought is just fine!

39. Wool V.S. knit sweaters?Knit ones, especially if they’re Weasley sweaters.

40. Halloween party V.S. exploring haunted places?Exploring haunted places, though a Halloween party maybe if I felt like we’dget in trouble for trespassing somewhere. Also Halloween costumes arefun.

41. Candy corn V.S. mellowcreme pumpkins?What is a mellowcreme pumpkin?? OH. I just googled. Um I guess candy corn, Istill am not a huge fan of either.

42. Apple cider donuts V.S. pumpkin donuts?Apple cider donuts sound better.

43. The Nightmare Before Christmas V.S. Hocus pocus ?Hocus Pocus, I haven’t seen that in forever which is a shame!

44. Scary costume V.S. something silly?Scary costume, I like dressing up as dead things.

45. Still, silent nights V.S. rainy, windblown ones?Rainy windblown ones where I’m safe in my apartment!

46. Monster movies V.S. their classic novels?Ummmmmm monster movies because i can’t focus long enough to read.

47. Witches V.S. ghosts?Ghosts! But Witches are also cool and i respect what they’re doing!

48. Raking leaves V.S.climbing trees?Climbing trees, even if that is rarely successful and I’m a little afraid of falling out of the tree. But raking leaves is like a chore… sooooooo no.

49. Ouija boards V.S. ghost stories around a campfire?Ghost stories around a campfire! I’m with my dad on this one, I’m not bringing Ouija boards anywhere near where I live or go because I just don’t need to risk that thank you.

50. Frankenweenie V.S. The Corpse Bride?The Corpse Bride! Though I’ve never seen Frankenweenie! Thanks babe :)

#long post

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redinkofshame · 8 years

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Fic Writer’s 2016 Review/Fandomiversary

Late, as always. Tagged by @5ftgarden because she’s a total sweety!

I also added some Fandomiversary retrospection to the end, because it’s my first anniversary as a part of the fandom!

Total number of completed stories

1.5 Longfics (33 chapters), 18 prompts, and 3 one-shots... Not that I’m keeping track.

Total word count

about 136,400 words; 92k published (here or on AO3).

...Not that I’m keeping track.

Fandoms written in

Dragon Age! And... More Dragon Age. Mostly Inquisition. Specifically, mostly Solavellan.

Looking back, did you expect to write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

Um, less. Definitely less. Because until a year go THIS WEEK I did not write fan fiction... Or anything else. (Happy fandomiversary, me!!)

What’s your own favorite story of the year?

Marigolds in the Hanged Man was work of love that I didn’t think anyone would notice. It’s a long fic and it’s done, and there’s not much I would change about it. I’m really proud of it!

Did you take any writing risks this year?

Writing characters coded as a different race/ethnicity than myself terrifies me, tbh

Do you have any fanfic goals for the new year?

To finish all the ones I have planned? Probably can’t do that all in a year, but I’m worried that I’ll lose interest and move on from Solavellan Hell before I finish the... Eight long fics I have in my head oh maker help me that’s going to kill me

More obtainable, let’s go with finishing Duck Pond, my Music AU, and another long fic?

Best story of the year?

I... I’m confused by this question. There’s a separate question for my personal favorite and most popular... What other qualifiers are there for best?

I would say Marigolds is the best technically correct, writing wise. I think I did good with chapter structure and what-not, for the most part.