#anyway yeah I just thought I should post a tiny update for my mutuals in particular

[eeunwoo]

I know I haven’t been posting very consistently but I’m still kinda trying to figure out a good working schedule for school first I’m sorry 🫣

[lesbian-sora]

Only Fools

Summary ~ School is hard. School is harder when you’re a loser who has more bullies than friends. School is even harder when you have a crush on the most amazing guy in the world, even if your friends can’t see it. School is damn impossible when your friends coerce you into participating in the school play with the most amazing guy in the world. 

Dan and Phil’s experience falls into the impossible category, but maybe together (with some help from the King himself) they can make it out alive and well.

Tags ~ Fluff, high school AU, friends to lovers, theatre kids, mutual pining, slow burn, slight angst, not actually unrequited love

Words ~ 7106/~35K

Warnings ~ Swearing

Rating ~ Teen

Author’s Note ~ Hi guys! This fic was originally supposed to be one of my fics for Phandom Big Bang 2016, but things came up. I recently blew the dust off of it, and I really liked it, so it’s getting revamped and published! Updates will most likely be once a month for the next 4 months (I may up that posting schedule if writing/editing goes well and people actually like it) and I look forward to all of you getting to read it! Also, this will be my first chaptered fic that I’m posting one part at a time, so that’s exciting!

Prompt me!

Buy me a coffee!

Next chapter!

Read on AO3

                                                     Act I Scene I

There honestly weren’t very many people Louise Pentland disliked. She was bubbly and personable, meaning she got along with just about everyone she came in contact with, and she quite liked it that way. Everything from her approachable smile to her mothering attitude made it so people were drawn to her and she to them.

That being said, she absolutely despised Phil Lester.

Was it unfair, petty, and totally unreasonable? Absolutely. In all honesty, Phil would probably be voted nicest guy in the school, if anyone were to take a poll. Was he was a bit weird? Most certainly.  However, it was a completely harmless weird. It was quirky and odd like that store on the edge of town that dealt solely in the manufacture and sale of cat-themed gnomes. If she were to be straight with herself, she would admit that Phil had never knowingly or unknowingly harmed, damaged or even seriously upset herself or anyone she remotely knew, simply because that wasn’t the type of person Phil was. No, her dislike of Phil wasn’t his fault, and he had no idea it was even happening. Her dislike boiled down to one thing and one thing only.

“Louise! You’ll never guess what Phil did today!” Dan gushed, collapsing in the seat next to her.

Louise didn’t bother to look up from her compact where she was very carefully reapplying her lip gloss. She knew Dan was flushed lightly with a wide, dopey smile and that his eyes shone as if every star was compacted down into glitter that was dumped into hot chocolate. He always looked like that when Phil was brought up. Which was a lot. “I’m guessing from your normal reports that he was walking down the hall and breathing.”

“No,” Dan scowled and wadded a bit of paper into a tiny ball and flicked it at her, offering a sheepish grin after it landed in her makeup. “I actually talked with him a bit today.”

“Dan, we’ve discussed this before. Saying ‘Hi, Phil!’ and then hiding your face and running away before he can respond doesn’t count as talking to him.”

“Someone’s in a mood,” Dan pouted. “And I’ll have you know this was a totally real and legit conversation we had. Some dick head knocked into me on the way out here and Phil saw and helped me pick all my stuff up and everything. He even gave me his hand to help me stand up!”

Louise cocked a brow. “Really? Honestly, Dan I almost didn’t think you had it in you,” she said, ignoring his squawks of protest. “What all did you boys talk about?”

“He saw my piano book and asked if I played,” Dan said dreamily, the look on his face making it more than apparent that he was reliving the moment in perfect clarity again and again until it was ingrained in his memory. “And so I told him yeah, but I was awful and then I thought he was going to just leave but he walked with me almost the whole way here and he saw me in the play last year, Louise! He saw me and remembered me and told me I did a good job! Oh my god, it was probably the best moment of my life.”

Louise rolled her eyes, but smiled good naturedly, more than pleased over how happy her friend was. However, there was one thing that always bugged her about the whole situation. “Dan, darling, why Phil of all people? I mean he’s nice and all, and, sure, he’s not awful to look at, but he’s just so strange. Saying you could do better is probably the understatement of the year.”

Dan looked at her, glaring at her as if she’d just spat in his mother’s face and told her that her cooking was a disgrace (which she hadn’t) and he was personally offended (which he probably was). “Okay, first of all,” he started and Louise took a deep breath, already regretting her words and preparing for the sermon that was soon to follow. “Phil Lester is an unusual beauty so rare and perfect and we don’t deserve him. Second, he’s got an absolutely brilliant mind and we should all count ourselves lucky to hear anything that brain decides to gift us with. Third-”

“Mr. Howell,” Mrs. Bronwell interrupted from the front of the room, “as much as I’m sure we’d all love to hear you expound on the virtues of Mr. Lester, I, personally, get paid to teach you math, and I’d quite like to do so at this moment. If that’s not an imposition on you, of course.”

Dan blushed bright red all the way from his collar bones (and possibly farther, who knew) to the very tips of his ears. “Sorry, Mrs.,” he said, sinking down a bit more in his chair. “I’m done.”

“Oh, I highly doubt that,” Louise scoffed, quite unintentionally. There were a few scattered titters around the room and Dan gave Louise a long, hard, stare. The whole school probably knew about Dan’s crush on Phil just from him talking loudly and passionately about how wonderful the other boy was at any chance he got, so it’s not like there was any new gossip being delivered so he didn’t really feel the need to be properly embarrassed. But, the sting of betrayal was still there and he was sure to let her know he felt about it.

“Thank you for your contribution, Miss Pentland,” Mrs, Bronwell smiled, “but we really must get on with our lesson. Now, today we’re studying logarithms - James, don’t you roll your eyes at me. Yes, I saw you just fine.”

Now that the lesson had begun and he was finally free of all judgement, Dan let himself drift off quite happily into his thoughts, where his daydreams once again found themselves centered upon the subject of Phil Lester. How kind his smile was when he was offering him help. How he seemed genuinely interested as Dan flushed and fumbled over the explanation of his mediocre piano skills. How his hand was so soft but sure and he held Dan’s own and pulled him to his feet. As his teacher went on about the ins and outs of math things he didn’t care about Dan drew little doodles, of hearts and Phil coming to rescue him from the horrors of sports. He sighed happily and looked out the window thinking about Phil Lester, unknowing that somewhere in the school Phil was sighing happily and looking out a window thinking about Dan Howell.

                                                     Act I Scene II

“I found out he plays piano, Peej!” Phil beamed, waving his hands around for emphasis. “That’s so impressive, honestly. I wonder if he can play anything else.”

“I think I heard somewhere that he plays drums, but that could just be a rumor.” PJ paid the conversation little mind, far more focused on the poster he was designing for the school play.

“Eh, he seems the type,” Chris added helpfully. “You know: loud, obnoxious and in your face.”

Phil scowled at his now snickering friends. “He is not. He’s always really sweet and quiet when I talk to him.”

“Yeah?” Chris challenged. “Well, I had a history class with him one time and his own friend asked the teacher if he could change seats because Dan was distracting him too much.”

“Sean said that one time when they were taking a chemistry exam Dan started singing the periodic table. Out loud,” PJ added helpfully.

“He’s boisterous, maybe,” Phil conceded, “But he’s probably hilarious which is why his friend was so distracted and besides, learning a song to memorize the periodic table is pretty smart.”

Chris rolled his eyes. “Mate, we could tell you that Dan killed Mother Theresa and you’d just say ‘I mean, she probably deserved it.’” PJ chuckled next to him and Phil simply shot him another dirty look. “Anyway, as much as you love talking about Dan we really ought to move on because me and Peej, well, we don’t enjoy it near as much as you.”

Before Phil could argue PJ chimed in with a, “Help me decide on which one of these posters is better. Mr. Walters wants them up by this afternoon so people have plenty of time to sign up before auditions next month.” He showed them a couple of hand drawn posters, one featuring a more 60’s theme with psychedelic rainbow patterns and little people scattered all around doing various theatre things whilst the other  was more focused on space, complete with little aliens all over it. Both said in clear letters “Join this year’s spring musical! All You Need Is Love: A 60’s space drama written and produced by PJ Liguori and Sophie Newton. Auditions after school in the auditorium on 8/8”

“I like the space one,” Phil said.

“No, no. The 60’s is way better,” Chris argued. “It’s more fun looking and approachable. Everybody likes the 60’s.”

“No, everybody likes space,” Phil insisted.

“No, you like space, you big nerd.”

“I think we should ask the cards.”

“Phil,” PJ groaned, “you can’t rely on your tarot cards for every decision you have to make.”

“Yes, I can. I asked the cards and they said it was fine,” Phil smirked, pulling out his deck of Pokemon cards. He was honestly rather proud of them; he had spent an entire afternoon dedicated to learning each of the 56 cards in the full tarot deck and assigning a Pokemon to each one, then an entire month (and more money than he’d care to admit) collecting every single card until his deck was finally complete. He closed his eyes and focused. “Alright, we’re just doing a yes or no question so we can just use the Major Arcana, or would you rather do a full reading with all the cards?”

PJ rolled his eyes, but said, “Just the Major is fine. You can do a full reading when it’s more important decisions.”

Phil nodded, separating out the twenty two cards needed. “Okay, PJ, I’m going to start shuffling. Focus really hard on your question and when you think it’s time, tell me to stop.”

PJ closed his eyes for a moment, breathing deeply and said, “Stop.”

Immediately, Phil quit shuffling and laid the cards out in a neat row. “Is this good, or do you want me to shuffle again?”

“That’s fine. My question is ‘Should I use the space themed poster?’”

“Alright, choose a card.”

PJ chose one fourth from the left and Phil flipped it over, revealing a card of Mew. Phil grinned, before announcing: “You got The World, which talks about your conscious and unconscious joining and how you’re facing an important juncture that will make your path for the future clear. It also means that you’re going to gain true insight to the nature of yourself.”

“Yeah, yeah, but is it a yes or a no?” Chris said impatiently.

“It’s a yes,” Phil said with a smug smirk.

“And how do we know you’re not bullshitting us to get your way?”

“Well, if you think about it there was the whole conscious, unconscious thing, and he clearly preferred the space one, considering how much time he spent on it.” They looked at PJ for confirmation who shrugged and nodded with a sheepish grin. “Plus if you have the play be ‘you’, having this decision be insight into the true nature of yourself makes sense since it’s really more about space with a sixties flair than sixties with space themes.” Chris frowned thoughtfully, slowly nodding his head before Phil grinned and added, “Also, you don’t.”

“Why you absolute-”

“Stow it,” PJ hissed. “Mr. Bedsole just walked in.” And with that, the three quieted down to focus on the droning lecture about World War II.

                                                    Act I Scene III

“But you said we were going out for coffee today!” Dan pouted at Louise, who, in her defense, looked absolutely heartbroken denying him.

“I’m sorry, Dan,” she said. “I really am, but Chummy says there’s a huge sale going on in Brighton today and I really don’t want to miss it. I promise we can go tomorrow.”

“I do swear that it’s a one day sale,” Zoe added earnestly, looking almost as remorseful as Louise. “I’ll buy you a drink tomorrow to make up for it.”

“That’s all well and good for tomorrow, but what am I meant to do for today?” he whined.

“You could always come with us?” Louise suggested weakly. “We can get coffee at the station to have on the train?”

Dan sighed, quietly enough that the two girls didn’t hear . “As much as I do honestly enjoy going shopping with you two, I’m really not up for a two hour train ride today. However, if you see anything you think I’d like, I wouldn’t say no to some more peace offerings for bailing on me today.”

“You cheeky thing!” Zoe laughed, gently pinching his cheek. “You’re a right mess and a half, you are.”

He batted her hand away with a smile. “Yeah, yeah. Seriously, though. What am I going to do today? My mum's going to be out until five or later and I left my key at home. Do you want me to just wander around Reading lost and alone that whole time?”

“Oh, please,” Louise laughed with an eye roll. “Tyler exists, so you know there’s no way you can be bored for too long.”

“My ears are on fire right now,” Tyler sang, joining them at their table. “What are we talking about? Besides me, of course.”

“Well, someone ditched me to go look at- What is it exactly that you’re after?”

“Clothes,” both girls said in unison.

“Going to that Brighton sale?” Tyler asked with a knowing smirk. “I’d join you, but honestly, I don’t want to.”

They all laughed together before Dan piped up, “Anyway, they’re leaving me for clothes and have put my afternoon activities in your command.”

Tyler winced. “I’m sorry, Dan-”

“No!”

“I have a date!” Tyler defended. “And, boo, you know I think you’re the best thing since sliced bread, but you third wheeling me isn’t going to get me laid.”

Dan cast him a betrayed look. “So, basically what you’re telling me is I’m basically screwed? Carrie’s busy with theatre, you’re going on a date, these two would rather pet garments they can’t afford then get coffee with me, and Sean is probably off sucking face with Signe.”

“You could always just follow Phil home and sit outside like a lost puppy and hope he lets you in,” Tyler suggested, somewhat helpfully.

“Why don’t you actually fuck off?” Dan snapped,as his face turned scarlet. “That was one time, okay?”

“You stood outside his house in the rain for an hour pretending you thought it was someone else’s house before you realized nobody was home.”

“That was two years ago!”

“I still can’t believe it happened at all.”

Dan buried his face in his hands to hide his blushing cheeks. “You guys are the absolute worst people in the world and I hate every single one of you,” he groaned.

Tyler reached over and patted his cheek fondly. “Oh, boo, we know that’s not true. Who else would listen to you wax poetic about Phil?”

Again the three laughed together. “I’m still without anything to do this afternoon,” Dan pointed out.

“Can’t you just break in?” Tyler suggested. “I do that at my house all the time.”

“My mom routinely locks all the windows so mine is the only one open and there’s no way I can get to the second floor.”

“You could hang out with Sean and Signe,” Louise offered. “I’m sure they’d at least try to contain themselves while you’re around.”

“Yeah, but even when they’re not trying to climb into each other’s mouth I still always feel like I’m third wheeling so fucking hard. And not like tricycle third wheel either.”

“Why don’t you just go hang out at the coffee house on your own or go nerd shopping?” Zoe recommended. “You have your phone and headphones, right? Just sit in a corner and ignore everyone.”

Dan let out a long suffering sigh. “I guess that’s my only option, unless I want to go to the library or something.” He sighed and complained, “Why is there nothing to do here?”

“There’s plenty to do, you’re just too immersed in your laptop to experience any of them,” Louise laughed. “Chummy and I can always find plenty to do.”

“You have no idea what a town with nothing to do looks like, sweetheart,” Tyler scoffed. “Jackson was like a third this size and a good hour away from anything even remotely interesting.”

“Yeah, well, this place being better than your hometown is zero help right now. Somebody give me something to do.”

“You could just Google it and do the tourist-y things that pop up,” Zoe beamed. “Me and Alfie did that one time and it was loads of fun.”

“That sounds like a really great date,” Dan agreed, a dash of sarcasm in his tone. “However, since I’m a sexually ambiguous nerd who can’t properly talk to anyone outside of you guys, there’s very little chance of me getting a date any time soon. Plus it’s pouring and I wouldn’t want to wander around Reading in the rain even if I had a date.” Tyler took this moment to mutter about how he’d done it for Phil before, but quieted down when Dan gave him a stern glance.

“Well, whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck,” Louise said, taking out her phone to check the time. “However, Chummy and I must be getting on as our train leaves in less than an hour.”

“Bye, Louise. Bye Zoe,” Dan and Tyler chimed together. The two girls laughed and gave their final farewell hugs before leaving, leaving Dan and Tyler alone.

“So, who is this guy, anyway?” Dan asked, picking at his fingernails.

“Uh, his name is Michael and I met him on Tinder.”

“Phil’s middle name-”

“Is Michael. Yes, I know,” Tyler teased. “You’ve told us all more than once.”

Dan merely rolled his eyes and said, “So, Michael. Is this a guy you might actually like to date or is he just a casual hookup?”

“I don’t know, honestly,” Tyler shrugged. “He seemed nice enough while we were messaging but not exactly my kind of guy, you know? I may just keep in contact with him to hang out with on Fridays when I’m bored because somebody is too invested in Mario Kart to go party with me.”

“Please. You and I both know that I’m probably the last person you’d want to go with you to a party. I’d just stand awkwardly in a corner playing on my phone all night and making everyone who dared to talk to me feel bad because they wouldn’t understand a single word I mumbled.”

Tyler cast him yet another sympathetic look and Dan swore he was going to rip his eyebrows out if another person looked at him as if he was the dog they were leaving behind at the shelter. “Have you considered hanging out with Carrie this afternoon? Like, I know you said you weren’t doing theatre this year-”

“The four hours I spent locked in a janitor’s closet for being in the school play said I wasn’t doing theatre this year.”

Tyler narrowed his eyes at the interruption, but continued. “Anyway, you said you weren’t going to be in the play, but I’m pretty sure they’re just doing like pre-pre-pre-play stuff today. Hanging up posters and the like. I mean, it’s something at least.”

Dan considered his options for a moment. While he had sworn off acting for the year, he really liked most of the theatre kids he hung out with last time. Besides, it was completely harmless and he did always enjoy spending time with Carrie. “Yeah, I suppose. Anyway, if it is horrible I can always pretend my grandma is in the hospital or something to get out of it.”

“That’s the Dan Howell spirit we all know and love,” Tyler grinned, clapping him on the back.

This will be fine. What could go wrong?

                                                    Act I Scene IV

There was no way this was happening.

“PJ, I can’t go in there,” Phil hissed, physically keeping his friend by his side and out of that room. For in that room sat none other than Dan Howell, looking perfect as always whilst he lounged next to Carrie, who was laughing along at something he said. “I thought you said he wouldn’t be here today!”

PJ shrugged, clearly not seeing the problem and Phil had never felt so betrayed. “He said he wasn’t coming back last year, but maybe he changed his mind. Or maybe he’s just helping a friend hang posters. Who knows? You might if you go in there and talk to him.”

“I can’t let him see me like this,” Phil refused. “I took out my contacts last lesson because my eyes were all itchy and the redness still hasn’t gone down and I look terrible.”

“Maybe he’s into the whole robot look.”

“You’re not helping!”

“Look, mate,” PJ sighed. “You can stay and help or you can go home and sulk, but either way I’ve got to be in there to take charge of this whole shindig and I can already feel Sophie glaring at me for being late. I know you don’t look one hundred percent your best ever but it’s a Monday afternoon after school and nobody looks great, and I swear to god if you tell me Dan looks amazing I will never let you borrow my Legend of Zelda games ever again.” Phil gave him a sheepish grin. “And for what it’s worth your face shape works really well with those glasses and the redness is pretty much gone.”

Phil smiled softly at his friend. “You always know what to say, Peej.”

PJ smirked and winked back at him. “It truly is a gift. Now come on, let’s go hang some posters and get some theatre nerds hyped about a play.”

As the two walked in a kind of hush fell over the gathered students and Phil couldn’t help but notice the panicked look Dan gave Carrie as he passed by them, taking a seat next to Chris and Alexandra. He leaned over to point it out to Chris, but he merely shot him a look before pointedly focusing on PJ and Sophie at the front of the room. Phil huffed; he knew why he was being shushed, but that didn’t mean he had to like it.

“Okay, everyone, thanks for being here!” PJ beamed at the eight students sprawled across various chairs and desks. “We really appreciate your help. Does anyone have any questions?”

“Why don’t you tell them what exactly it is that they’re helping with?” Sophie suggested from behind him with a smile and a fond roll of the eyes.

PJ gave her a crooked grin in thanks before returning his attention to the crowd. “Right, I should. Well, as you all should know the school puts on a musical every spring, and if you didn’t know then you do now. Anyway, as this is our last year Mr. Walters has agreed to put on a play that Sophie and I wrote, and he’s put us in charge of everything from production to advertisement. Today we’re putting up posters around the school to let everyone know about the auditions that are happening next month, giving them plenty of time to pluck up the courage to sign up since that’s probably the hardest part of school plays for a lot of us.” There were a few scattered chuckles, and PJ carried on. “Since there are ten of us and five main areas we need to put these up, we’re going to be splitting into teams of two, and each team is going to get twenty posters to hang up. Yeah, it sounds like a lot, but we want these everywhere. I don’t want there to be a single person at this school who doesn’t know about this play. That means staple them to bulletin boards, hang them up on those weird clothes pin things outside the art room, tape them on every door and stairwell you can find. So yeah, I mean it when I say everywhere.”

“Alright then,” Sophie chimed in. “After that rousing speech, everyone pick a partner and we’ll arm you with a stapler, tape, clothespins, blu tack and more posters than you’ll know what to do with. Go!” Phil swore he saw PJ, Carrie, and Chris all share a look, but he brushed it off to partner up with Chris, only to find that he had already linked arms with Alexandra. He glanced around the room to see that PJ and Sophie were obviously in each other's pockets, Carrie was chatting with Matt, and Tom and Gi were leaned against one another playing some kind of app on Tom’s phone leaving-

“Uh, hi again?”

Phil whipped his head around to see Dan standing in front of him with a bit of red tinting his ears. “Your friend abandon you, too?” Phil chuckled. When Dan didn’t answer and just continued blinking at him, Phil flushed bright red immediately starting to back track. “Not that I’m saying- Well, what I mean is more that- You see what I’m trying to say is-” he finally sputtered to a stop. “Sorry?”

Dan blinked at him a couple more times before realization dawned on his face and he blushed to match Phil. “No, no it’s fine, I promise! I’m not offended or anything! Carrie did totally ditch me to partner with Matt. I was just really distracted by your glasses; I didn’t know you wore them.”

Phil chuckled nervously, scratching behind his neck. “Yeah, they’re- yeah. They’re kinda big and dumb looking so I try not to wear them at school too much.”

“It’s not that,” Dan mumbled, looking down and to the left while shooting Phil looks from beneath his lashes. “They actually really suit you. They make you look really smart I guess.” He flushed a bit darker before adding, “I like them.”

Well, if Phil wasn’t about to pass out before from how adorable and shy Dan looked he definitely was now. Dan liked his glasses. Dan Howell liked his glasses. He took a moment to gather himself before he could blurt out that he was about to call the optometrist and tell her to cancel all his contact orders from now until forever because Dan Howell liked his glasses. “Thanks, that means a lot,” he said instead. “I don’t really like them all that much so they can use all the love they can get from other people.”

Dan sputtered out an abrasive laugh which garnered a couple people’s attention and made Phil’s chest feel like it had been filled with warm helium before Dan slapped his hands over his mouth to muffle it. Phil considered telling Dan his hands would would better suited in Phil’s instead of quieting the music that was his laugh, but decided that was maybe a little forward. “If you don’t mind me asking, why are you wearing your glasses if you hate them so much?”

“Oh, sometimes my contacts can bother my eyes and last period they were really itchy and so I took them out instead of trying to rub my eyeballs into the back of my skull.”

Phil mentally slapped himself for actually saying that out loud, but Dan just giggled. “Well, I hope they’re feeling better. I noticed you had some red in your eyes, so I’m glad it’s nothing serious.”

At the mention of red Phil slammed his eyes shut and covered them with his hands. “PJ said the red was all gone!” he whined.

Dan immediately started flapping his hands nervously. “No, no it’s fine! It’s hardly noticeable at all! I only noticed because I was staring at your face up close, and oh my god, I can’t believe I said that out loud. Someone please stop me.” By the end of his sentence Dan was a darker red than Phil previously thought possible and looked  just about ready for the world to split in half and swallow him whole. He was adorable, and Phil was about to die.

“Nah, I get it,” Phil chuckled with a smile. “You said the glasses were distracting so it makes sense for you to stare.”

Dan opened his mouth like he was about to argue Phil’s point, but there was a cough behind Phil and they both turned to see PJ standing there with a stack of flyers in his hands and a knowing smirk on his lips. “Well, since the two of you were too busy - um, let’s say talking - to come up and pick an area to work in the only one left is the gym and lunchroom, so I hope the two of you brought umbrellas.” Dan looked absolutely panic stricken at the thought of needing an umbrella, much to Phil’s confusion, but PJ simply carried on. “Sophie has the stuff to hang these up with so you two need to get going or we’re still going to be here when school lets in tomorrow.”

Phil groaned melodramatically and accused PJ of forsaking him and throwing him to the depths of hell, but still smiled and thanked Sophie - who was giggling behind her hands - when he got their tools. The only problem was that Dan was strangely quiet the entire time, and not in the adorably shy way he was earlier that afternoon when they were walking to class together. No, this was more akin to the silence of a man being lead to the gallows, and that just wasn’t going to work in Phil’s book. “Hey, are you okay?”

Dan gnawed his bottom lip for a moment before sighing and saying, “I’m really not sure if I want to tell you. Like on one hand it’s really not that big of a deal, and avoiding it is only going to make it way worse, but on the other hand it’s really embarrassing, and I don’t like talking about it.”

Phil hummed in thought, tapping his chin and looking Dan up and down through squinted eyes. To most it might look like he was just observing the younger boy to come up with some sort of plan, but in reality he was just taking the opportunity to check him out. “What if I hum and then you say it really quickly and if I hear you, I can pretend I didn’t understand and if I didn’t hear you then you at least got it off your chest and you don’t have to worry anymore.”

Dan laughed and smiled so hard his eyes were almost completely closed. “You are such a strange person, Phil Lester,” he said with what Phil was adamantly interpreting as fondness.

“You know, you’re actually not the first person to tell me that.”

Dan rolled his eyes but he still had that grin so Phil didn’t take it to heart. “Unfortunately, that plan won’t work, so I’m just going to tell you, but you can’t make fun of me, okay?” Phil nodded eagerly, knowing that there was no way he could ever deliberately make Dan feel bad about himself. Dan took a deep breath and quickly said, “MyhairisnaturallyreallycurlysoIstraightenitbutwhenitgetswetitgetscurlyagainandit’srainingandIdidn’tbringanything.”

Phil blinked, trying to process what he just heard until it finally clicked and he beamed. “Why didn’t you say so?! You can borrow my coat.”

Dan’s eyes bugged out at the very idea. “I can’t just take your coat! What are you going to wear? It may be a short walk, but you’ll still wind up soaked by the time we get inside.”

Phil shrugged. “Well, any way you look at it, one of us is going to look like a drowned rat by the end of this no matter what. You seem to be a lot more worried about it than me, so why shouldn’t you be the one to stay dry? Besides, I have a change of clothes in my bag since I’m meeting up with my family for dinner after this. Take the coat, Dan.”

“But Phil-”

“Too late!” he sang, pulling his arm out of the sleeve. “I’m  taking it off and I’m not going to put it back on until it’s time to leave. If you don’t take it then the poor coat will just sit here and be useless while we both get wet. Do you want my coat to feel that way, Dan?”

Dan giggled at his overreaction, but took the coat with a gentle smile. “Thanks, Phil. I mean it.”

“No problem,” Phil smiled back. “But now you do have to hold the flyers and stuff. Just shove them under your jacket so they don’t get wet.”

Dan nodded and took the papers. “Alright then, let’s do this.”

                                                    Act I Scene V

“Oh my god, Louise, it was amazing,” Dan gushed over the phone. He had tried texting Louise but he was way too excited and his fingers kept slipping and pretty much everything he wrote had more exclamation points than actual letters. “How do we have so much in common and I never knew it?”

“Maybe because you only ever stalked him instead of talking and sharing your interests?” she teasingly suggested.

“You can’t tell but I’m giving you a dirty look right now,” Dan pouted, tracing his finger over the numbers written on the Post-It note Phil had given him. “And there will be plenty of actual talking between the two of us now, since he gave me his number.”

Louise squealed across the line. She had never made it a secret that Phil wasn’t her first choice for Dan’s big crush, but she had to admit that the fact that Dan was so over the moon for him was precious, and anything that made Dan happy made her happy. “Oh my god, really? What happened?”

“Well, we had to go out to the gym to hang posters and since it was pouring I was complaining about my hair-”

“Like you always do.”

“Shut it. Anyway, he insisted that I used his jacket to keep dry and at the end of the day it was still raining so he told me to keep it and I could text him about returning it later,” Dan sighed happily, reliving every moment of the afternoon in perfect clarity. “Louise, it was amazing. He’s amazing.”

“Have you texted him yet?” Louise demanded. “You have to tell me everything when you do.”

“I don’t want to return his jacket yet,” Dan admitted. He hadn’t told Louise that it was warm and smelled like Phil and that was why he didn’t want to lose it but he was pretty sure she knew. “What if I text him and all he wants to talk about is getting his coat?”

Louise sighed and Dan knew she was her rolling her eyes. “You’re being ridiculous, you know that, right? Of course he doesn’t want to just talk about that. Giving someone your coat as an excuse to keep talking to someone is one of the oldest tricks in the book. I’m pretty sure it’s been a thing since coats were invented.”

“I don’t know, Louise,” Dan said, biting his thumb nail. “I mean, Phil’s just a really nice person. He was probably just giving me his coat because it was nice. He’s not really the type to play tricks like that.”

“Everyone play tricks, even if it’s subconscious,” Louise dismissed. Dan could almost see her nodding sagely. “He probably did give you the jacket because you needed it, but the phone number was just so the two of you can talk. If he really was only interested in the coat then he would have just set up a time to get it back when he gave it to you.”

“You really think so?” Dan asked nervously. “What if I make a fool of myself and he never speaks to me again?”

“Number one that won’t happen. Number two, even if it does are you really in any worse of a boat? It’s not like you were actually talking to him before this anyway.”

“You’re being super unhelpful and also the absolute worst.”

“You love it. Now text that lion loving nerd and make sure I’m your maid of honor at the wedding.”

“What do I even say?” Dan whined.

“Just introduce yourself, you complete dollop head. Just say ‘Hi, this is Dan!’”

Dan sighed dramatically, flopping back and extending out three of his long limbs. He winced when they all settled into that nice stretched feeling and quickly changed phone hands so he could do that last one as well. “Fine, I’ll do it as soon as I get off the phone with you.”

“Oh, well, in that case my mother has been calling me to come downstairs for about five minutes and I’m definitely not making this up so you have to text Phil.”

“Louise I hate you!”

“Love you, too!” she cackled, sending a couple kissing noises across the line before hanging up.

Dan groaned and glared at his phone for abandoning him, hoping that Louise would somehow be able to feel it. After a moment he sighed and pulled up messages and tapped “Compose”

To: Phil 5:44

hello! this is dan the guy u left your coat with this afternoon lol.

Dan closed the app to open YouTube, not expecting a response any time soon, but before he could finish pulling up his subscription box his phone buzzed.

From: Phil 5:47

Hi!! How was your walk home? Did you stay dry and everything? I would have given you a ride, but I was already late to meet my parents. I’m sorry. :(

Dan took a moment to breathe calmly but quickly gave up in favor of squealing in delight as he rolled back and forth, clutching his phone to his chest. He just had to tell Louise.

To: The Mum Friend 5:49

omg hes so nice. like he asked if i stayed dry on the way home and apologized for not driving me home himself  #phillesterangelconfirmed

To: Phil the Actual Angel 5:51

dw about it ^-^ i stayed pretty dry. yhanks to you i don’t look like a hobbit reject.

From: Phil the Actual Angel 5:54

Lol any Hobbit that rejects you is missing out on making their Hobbit village cuter than all the other ones. You can come join my elf city and we can be too tall together.

To: The Mum Friend 5:57

LOUISSE HE CALLERD ME CUTER IM DYING SEND HELPP

To: Phil the Actual Angel 5:58

lets be honest wed both be loners. im too tall for the hobbits and ur too clumsy for the elves.

From: Phil the Actual Angel 6:00

Why must you crush my dreams Danyul? :’< I’m not that clumsy

To: Phil the Actual Angel 2:02

i think the paint still stuck in my hair from where u knocked me into the art supplies in the prop room would beg to differ.

From: Phil the Actual Angel 2:04

Okay, I GUESS that’s a fair point. And hey, as long as we’re outcasts together that’s not too bad in my book. ^-^

To: Phil the Actual Angel 2:04

my my phillip r u flirting with me?

From: Phil the Actual Angel 2:05

That depends entirely on if it’s working :D Hey, by the way, what lunch do you have?

Dan frowned at the sudden topic change, but shook his head and went along with it for now.

To: Phil the Actual Angel 6:06

i have 2nd y?

From: Phil the Actual Angel 2:07

You do? That’s the same one I have? How come I’ve never seen you? D:

To: Phil the Actual Angel 2:08

probs because i sit with my friends and we try to avoid human interaction lol

From: Phil the Actual Angel 2:10

Same, honestly. Do you think you and your friends would want to come and eat lunch with me and mine tomorrow? We usually sit out under the tree next to the front office.

To: Phil the Actual Angel 2:11

i am so sorry can i answer you in a sec my mum wants me

Dan took a deep breath, trying not to panic. He quickly dialed up Louise and waited with bated breath as it rang again and again and again and again and ag-

“Dan? What can-”

“HE ASKED ME TO EAT LUNCH WITH HIM TOMORROW!” Dan shouted before she could finish her greeting.

“Wait, hold on a minute. Who did what now?”

“Phil! He asked me to eat lunch with him tomorrow!” he repeated in a much quieter but no calmer tone. “Well, actually he asked me to ask all of you if you might be interested in eating lunch with his group tomorrow. What should I even say to that? ‘Yes, I’d like to eat lunch with you tomorrow and every following day for the rest of our lives’?”

“You could always just say you’ll ask,” she said with an underlying laugh. “I don’t see a problem with us sitting with them, though. All of us like meeting new people so it should be fun.”

“You mean it? Everything will be fine?”

“I’m sure of it, and if anyone says otherwise, I’ll wallop them on the head.”

“You’re the best, Louise.”

“I know it. Now go set up your lunch date already.” And with that the line clicked dead and Dan was once again left alone with his phone.

To: Phil the Actual Angel 5:14

sorry! my mum is v demanding sometimes T_T but yeah lunch tomorrow sounds great! all my friends like meeting new people so it should be lots of fun

From: Phil the Actual Angel 5:16

Don’t worry about it! ^-^ So you want to just meet at the tree or in the lunchroom or what?

To: Phil the Actual Angel 5:18

i think we can find our way to the tree so that should be fine ^-^ see u tomorrow!

From: Phil the Actual Angel 5:20

It’s a date!

Dan gaped at his phone for a moment before calling Louise yet again to scream.

[prettysei-remade]

graphic design is my passion actually the last time i made a graphic of any kind was when i was like 10 and i have sadly Not magically improved since then rip;; also dont worry the comic sans is ironic im not that awful......or am i 

hey there angels (instead of demons bc ur not demons ur all angels get it haha), it’s me, ya maknae! this is a very looooooong post so buckle in, my pals

AHEM 

exactly this time last year, i was probably laughing and/or crying at the thought of ever having mutuals here, much less having too many to do a proper follow forever in a rush the day before i post it (rip) so becAUSE i ran out of time and would probably give up in the middle, i decided to just talk abt how much i love everyone in the Stream Team gc and also make a shitty graphic so i could bless ur guys’ new years with ot13 and make it seem like i know what i’m doing :) 

ok im gonna get sappy for a sec and then u can all get to the part u actually care about (the part that’s also sappy but directed at specific people) 

my friends!! my loves!!! the bestest people on the planet!!!!! i love you <3<3 you guys are the sweetest, kindest, most understanding, most hilarious group of friends in the world and i’m so fucking lucky to know all of you. you make me laugh,,you make me cry (in a good way),,,,,you make me like myself when i dont feel like it,,,,im so?? blessed??? to have people to talk to and scream abt kpop with and be myself around. i’m more comfortable with u guys than probably anyone else?? like. even irl because 1) i’ll probably never come out, 2) none of my friends know anything abt kpop, and 3) none of my friends are rlly.....aware of the things my brain tells me about myself sometimes. which brings me to the last thing before i start yelling abt u all in alphabetical order: 

thank you guys for being the Good Brains to help out when my Mean Brain gets too mean. 

💙 

@byungjoo 

laura!! idk if u think abt this as often as i do (probably not) but like,, remember before we were friends and we had that ““discussion”” for abt .2 seconds regarding toppdogg going on the unit and then i thought u hated me for a couple weeks and then we became like the most amazing friends?? well reminding you of that is basically my long roundabout way of saying that our friendship is kind of a miracle to me, and i’m so so thankful that you’ve become someone i can trust with anything and not be judged for it :’) you always know what to say and you always make me feel special when we talk and just?? wow...don’t forget me when you become the biggest bts blog in the world......i saw one of your gifsets that had like 5k+ notes and almost shed a tear i was so proud of u.. i love you and thank u for being amazing all the time!! and for introducing me to twice and gfriend aka the most amazing girls!!! and of course....#laurjoo5ever <3

@gipsydangger 

yo jo (that was lame im sry you deserve better) you havent been in the chat for super long but you’re One Of Us and also 1/2 of the Official Ruby-Got-Me-Into-IZ Squad so lots of love for you!! thank you for singing all star with me in an attempt to cleanse our chat of ******** (im just (all)starring out his name so he doesnt find this post and try to eat my heart again), thank you for being so nice and thoughtful and sweet and all the other amazing things youve been already, thank you for giving iz a shot and somehow becoming a fan in like 5 minutes (???amazing) you!! are a rock star!!! wow!!!!!!

@hjjxxn​

ok alex i know you’re not tec h ni c a l ly in the chat but lets be real;;you’re still my Toppklass Queen ;; ur adorable! ur so kind! u work so hard! ur such a sweetheart! forget toppklass queen, u r the queen of my heart 💖 i cant believe we’re both hojoon stans AND yoongi stans it’s like we were meant to be friends or smth idk?? and you got me into winner and sent me the bEST videos of them holy shit im still laughing abt the one where theyre dancing to ‘hello bitches’ jshdkahds and mino’s duck song,,i cri :’( you have the best taste so i’m vv grateful to know you in the first place and! talking to you is super fun even tho we dont do it often <3<3 ilu <3

@itsachocolatecake 

jess <3 our leader,,mother,,,resident Cutie Pie <3<3 i am so fond of you?? you’re loads and loads of fun to talk with and the chat would be so different without u, i’m not even gonna imagine it!! instead im gonna remember how you always cheer me up right away and help me remember whats good about myself and tell me that i’m not alone and give me great ideas for metaphors involving brains (like mental brains not physical brains)!!! our mutualness (mutualism? mutuality?? idk) goes waaay back, like, relatively, so thank you for following me in the first place bc it means we’re friends now !! love you <3 

@kimsanggyum 

kaliiiiiii!! my wonderful fellow scorpio (AHEM i mean what im not a scorpio who said that i’ll fight them) ur super fun and cute and as soon as you joined u fit right in even tho we’re all kind of weird and now you are One Of Us and it’s kind of hard to believe that you havent been since the beginning?? you’re such a cutie and i love love love talking to you and stuff <3 jdkjsldf dog pics are one of the many ways to my heart and your dog is amazing!!! thank you for sharing!!! you are amazing!!! tell canyon monroe i love him (again) and tell him from me to be nice to laura too,,anyway!! love u lots <3 

@lapillity 

melia. you. are. the. best. my text posts never go noteless bc of you :’) you’re honestly truly just the greatest?? not just bc you like my text posts tho, youre genuinely sweet and suuuuper nice like,,i cant say anything bad about any of the Stream Team tbh but MELIA!!1! you would have to murder a man for a not-justifiable reason for me to say anything bad about you :/ i think you are an Angel and you’re so cute??how are u so cute i dont get it :(( thanks for being my friend and also helping me reject that guy that one time,,without you i definitely would’ve screwed things up tbh so seriously!! thank you and i love you <3<3 

@minty-sugar-kpop 

minty i think i should tell u now that whenever i type “rip” on my phone the next suggested word is always “minty” :’) we’re always screaming abt kpop groups together like!! when clap was released u screamed about seventeen with me!!! when i told u i was getting into twice u screamed about twice with me!! when nothing else is happening u scream about toppdogg with me (and the rest of us)!!!! i love that youre as excited about your fave groups as i am about my fave groups because it helps remind me that it’s NOT weird to be really super extremely dedicated to things that make u happy and i still struggle with that sometimes so.... thanks for being you i guess?? also for getting rid of ******** from our chat with the power of ot13 :’)) love you <3<3<3 

@reallyabananya

kat!! my Superhero!!! the lifegiver for minsung stans everywhere;; i am so grateful for literally everything you’ve ever done in your life but specifically 1) translating every. single. one. of minsung’s often long and very complex posts, 2) being my role model for running an update-esque blog! like!! if kat can do everything she does for her blogs and translate stuff and be so efficient at everything, i can do it for my one tiny little blog!!, 3) working so hard but always being so so sweet to everyone and being so amazingly humble all the time and being somebody i admire not only as a blogger but as a person too <3 (wow that was che e s y lol) im love you!! <3 

@saltygot7 

hi kendall! another scorpio wowie!!! of course i say “another” bc i already mentioned how kali is a scorpio,,it’s not because i’m a scorpio. because i’m not haha. anyway. im sorry i let ******** come between us, i know you didn’t mean to create a demon that would eventually possess both you and your phone and try to eat all of our hearts. i know and i’m sorry and i love you!!! i also know that you still think those asks u sent were hilarious but i forgive you bc i know you love me too <3<3 i can’t believe my Ultimate Bias and the true visual of our group loves me!! wow!!! thanks for all your amazing selfies, they always make me smile :’) you rlly know how to cheer everyone up and get us in a happy mood and just,,,thanks for always being your lovely self! love u lots <3 

@sunshinesanggyun 

bella 💕 i love you, i love you, i love you 💕 idk if you know this or not, but you were actually my first tk mutual <3 i remember when i got the notif that you followed me back and i was so excited because this person!! this person with an amazing blog and who i already thought was super cool!! wanted to follow me!!! i still think it’s amazing that you wanted to be my friend but i can’t really say that i “can’t believe it” anymore because i can;;; you’re my friend and i’m your friend and i love you!! i’ll remind you of that every day if i have to. you’re the other 1/2 of the Official Ruby-Got-Me-Into-IZ Squad (along with jovano) and it makes me so happy that you’re a fan now too!!!! you’re just awesone tbh?? you help me with my shitty stuff and i try my best to help you with your shitty stuff and!! you’re one of my best friends!! i’m so so happy and lucky and blessed and thankful to know you! never forget how much i love you forever 💕💕💕 

@toppdoggzz 

jacqueline;; the awesome aunt that’s super nice and who helps people when they’re sad;;(i can’t remember jess’s exact wording but it was True);;;; you’re so cool and amazing and honestly i find it incredible how you’ve been with bts from the beginning!! is that a weird thing to say as a compliment?? shdfsdhkd sorry but sticking with a group from debut is really admirable, especially because bts didnt start out super big but you stayed with em anyway :’) you’re such a star and you reblog my selfies when i ask you to (btw ur tags on my latest selfies had me cryin;;find someone who will compliment you every day like jacqueline complimented my decent-ish selfies;;) and you’re so great to talk with and yeah!! i love u!!!! 

@zombietwink 

isaiah. i hope u believe me when i say, from the very bottom of my heart: you are the Meme to my Internet Connection, the Cherry to my Bomb, the Chanyeol to my.....You. idk. you take my worst text posts that i make at like 3am and add the best things to them and make them Good and i love our convos in the replies of my posts alsjdsfjjs also can i just say?? i’m still not 100% sure what the whole thing is with like the “kin” meme (i get what it is but i dont rlly Get It u know) but literally any mention of it ever reminds me of you :’) it’s actually astounding how many memes make me think of you tbh..anyway, ur very very cute and soft and nice and youve been mutuals with me for a Long Time so thanks for thinking im cool enough to follow!!! and for still following me!!! love you <3 

wow that took a long time but it was worth it!! tho i honestly wouldn’t blame you if you just skipped everything and only read the little section abt you lmao 

well, happy new year! i hope lots of really good, and happy, and lovely, and wonderful things are waiting for you in 2018 ✨✨✨

[sisterqueernation-blog]

We all gotta grow up at some point

So I need to go on an anonymous rant here... I've been friends with this dude since my junior year in high school. I'm currently almost a junior in college. I've considered this guy my best friend up until recently. He recently turned 21 and has no job, has never had a job, no drivers license, state ID, no form of ID other than his student ID, has never had a permit, and he obviously doesn't intend on changing any of this anytime soon. I'm a pretty patient person and I'm overly nice and forgiving. I understand people have circumstances where they aren't able to move as quickly in life, but I've known the kid for years and I know all of these excuses he has are invalid. My three friends that I consider best friends now and have been closer to than him as of lately all have jobs, go to school, AND drive. I'll admit that I didn't get my drivers license until I was 18, and I didn't get a job until after I graduated. One of my friends in my little group I mentioned didn't get her license until last year but has had a job longer than I have. We all have our circumstances and setbacks, but we all had to work hard to get where we are today and continue to work hard to maintain these things. Recently this guy friend of mine has been really getting on my nerves. He acts as if he is too busy for my other friends and I and has to “make time” for us. What the fuck is he even doing all day? He has to get his mommy or daddy to drive him to school, or if he’s hanging out with other friends they have to pick him up. He has no job, and we are currently on winter break for school. He doesn’t go to the same school as me. I go to a university with my other friends, he goes to this tiny community college that’s basically just a glorified high school. His work ethic is terrible. He’s lazy. I am taking 17 credits this upcoming semester. He’s taking 12. I took 16 last semester and got all A’s and B’s. He took 12 again and barely managed to pass his classes. His parents, friends, and I used to cater to him driving him around and covering him for food from time to time when he wastes his money on some dumb shit he doesn’t even need. His MOM would give ME gas money for driving him around. I tried to call him out for his shit, and he turned it around on ME. He acted as if “how dare I say that” when he’s been taking advantage of me for years. I enjoy spending time more with my other three friends who actually have their shit together like me because we can reciprocate each other’s gestures. We can all give each other rides, we can all pay each other back for food, help each other with homework, we have to work around our busy work schedules to hang out. The 21 year old who doesn’t do jack shit should be thankful we even still invite him places because we all know one of us will end up having to pick him up and/or drive him home. He doesn’t even ask at this point he just expects it. Ridiculous. I’m sick of it. He also acts like he’s so smart and above things and too good for things. Sometimes I feel ashamed to show interest or express my opinions around him. Now I realize that was moronic of me considering how immature he is. When I’m with my other friends I never feel talked down to, bossed around, or belittled. I know I can be myself around them and I’m generally just more comfortable with them. It’s kind of a slap in the face to have all my shit together and work so hard and see someone who just gets things handed to him and barely has to worry about a thing. He says he’s never dealt with mental health issues and frequently says to me “I wish I could understand”. No. You don’t. You really fucking don’t. Why would anyone even say something like that when that isn’t even on topic. This guy has it SO. EASY. He’s a miserable asshole who is “bothered” by how behind he is yet doesn’t do anything to change it. Gotta start somewhere. I’m not putting up with him anymore. Until/if he gets his shit together, I won’t be giving him rides, asking to hang out, or helping him in anyway. It’s pathetic. I’ve wasted so much time and gas money driving his sorry ass around. I have my own life. My own friends who do what I do. I don’t need his negative influence in my life. I honestly won’t be surprised when he starts losing friends. My advice: don’t take anyone or anything for granted. Oh, almost forgot to add... When I confronted him about HIS issues, he told ME that I need to not “bottle these things up” for so long and that I need to be more “emotionally available”. He continued to say how he always felt like he’s “given me so much emotional support” and he thought “we were so close that I shouldn’t hide my feelings”. First of all, HE is the one who said he has never dealt with/understood mental health issues. It’s hard for me to open up and show emotion to anyone, even my family. I’m even surprised I was able to confront him at all. So he is so fucking bold to say something like that when he always “wishes he could understand” mental health. How fucking dare he to tell ME of all people to be more emotionally available when he has a way longer list of wrongs. I do so much for him and he has the nerve to call ME out... and for something so invalid too. Life needs to work a little faster and allow us to grow apart. I’m done dealing with him or anyone similar. NOW I’m done. OKAY UPDATE: I thought I was done but now there’s more I need to rant about. So his 21st birthday was last week. My friends and I all WORKED on his actual birthday so we asked him if he wanted to go to dinner on a day we were off. He agreed beforehand. We had started a group chat and asked if he was free the next day and he said “can we make it another day?” We were like okay whatever just don’t know the next day we will all be off. Then he was like “yeah sure and whenever that is I’ll see if I can make time”.) Today was the day we asked him to do dinner for HIS birthday. One of his friends that I’m kind of mutuals with posted them together on his instagram story fucking around doing dumb shit, and yet again buying stupid shit he doesn’t need with his MOM’S money. Now, if he had just said in the first place that he had other plans that would have been different. Instead he acted like he was too busy. We all kinda knew this would be the case because he obviously favors these other friends and we are the second or third choices. It’s so obvious that he would rather just hang out with those fools and turn his nose up to our generous offer. He even denied an invitation to see a movie because he “didn’t like the movie”. Like I said before, nose up in the air, too picky, and doesn’t realize that when we invite him to places we’re basically accepting the fact that we gotta drive him. I just am so mad and fed up right now I feel so dumb for letting this go on for so long. This time I really am done.

[the-dj-is-asleep]

shake me from my sleep (whisper in my ear)

AO3

@theragingthespian Just wanted to let you know that your Superlane posting spree a few days ago inspired this

If Kara had been a dog, her ears would have perked up. She closes her eyes and tilts her head and listens because she’s pretty sure she heard…

“It’s good to be back.”

Kara is up and off the sunbed in an instant (Alex can yell at her later for not resting, this is way more important) and into the DEO control center. She sees the person she is looking for talking softly to J’onn.

“Lucy!” she shouts and is across the room and puling Lucy into her arms before the smaller woman can blink.

Lucy’s reaction time is a little slow so she ends up floundering for a second before she reaches around Kara’s shoulders and hugs back. She feels warm and real in Kara’s arms and Kara can’t believe this is happening.

“Hey Supergirl,” Lucy says, softly enough that probably only she can hear her. “It’s nice to see you again.”

Kara knows that this hug is stretching on longer than it has any right to, but instead of letting go, she finds herself holding on tighter, pushing the limits of how hard she can hold on without hurting Lucy. The idea of letting go, after all this time, is appalling. Lucy is back. She’s back for good and the last few months without her have sucked. If Kara had known that Lucy joining the DEO permanently would get her sent halfway across the world to the most isolated place ever where no one could contact her, Kara would have forced her to stay at CatCo. (No she wouldn’t because Lucy loves the DEO and is happy here and Kara would never get in the way of that. But still. She really missed her.)

In her defense, Lucy isn’t letting go either. Quite the opposite, she has curled her hands into Kara’s cape, pulling her closer.

“I really missed you,” she says.

It’s weird because they hadn’t been that close when Lucy left. Kara had always liked her but she’d also liked James which had made it hard for her and Lucy to really be friends. And then Lucy had tried to lock Alex away which had made it even harder. And then she’d saved Alex and become head of the DEO, which took up a lot of her time, and long story short, they hadn’t had the chance to really spend time together. Which would have been fine except right after Myriad Lucy got shipped away to who knows where. And Kara was surprised by how much she missed her.

Just when Kara decides that maybe they won’t ever stop hugging (she wouldn’t mind), Alex shows up and Kara forces herself to let go so that Alex can have a turn hugging Lucy. Kara takes a step back and gives herself a chance to really look at Lucy. She’s not sure exactly where Lucy ended up because it had been classified. (The fact that anything is classified from Supergirl is ridiculous in Kara’s opinion. She’s trustworthy and she can totally keep a secret.) Alex has clearance and Kara tries not to be bitter. At least Alex was able to give her updates every so often letting her know Lucy was still alive. But it’s clear that wherever it was, it was sunny because Lucy’s skin is a couple shades darker and her hair is a little lighter. She’s got a new scar right above her eyebrow that makes Kara bristle and she looks exhausted.

“Agent Lane,” J’onn says, before Alex can start grilling Lucy about her assignment. “I think it’s time we debrief so that you can get a shower and some rest.”

“Yes, Director,” Lucy says. “Kara, Alex, I’ll see you around?”

“Of course!!” Kara says and she waves until Lucy is out of sight.

Somehow Lucy being back makes everything better. She hasn’t actually done anything except exist and be around but Kara’s days start to brighten. Recently everything has been so overwhelming. The fact that she’s still unemployed and her two best friends have been lying to her and putting their lives in danger. Oh, and of course, the looming threat of a Daxamite invasion. But things are better with Lucy around and Kara finds herself spending more time in the DEO than she has in a long time.

After sleeping for nearly fifteen hours straight (J’onn had almost been concerned) Lucy has jumped right back into the swing of things. She’s J’onn’s second in command technically, but in reality has just as much power as he does and J’onn knows better than to try and order her around. They have a mutual respect that had only grown while Lucy was away (they still won’t tell Kara where she was, or what she was doing).

The first day Lucy is back, Kara ends up hanging out at the DEO from dawn to dusk, casually updating Lucy on everything she’s missed while she’d been gone, while Lucy did paperwork.

“Yeah, so you were still around when Mon-El landed right?”

“Is that the guys that landed in the pod? Cause I never actually saw him, just heard things. I shipped out the next morning.”

“Yeah.”

“What’s he like?”

“Ummm,” Kara says, thinking about it.

She’s not sure Lucy would like Mon-El. He’s not great at following instructions and goofs around a lot which aren’t qualities that Lucy generally admires. But she desperately wants them to get along because she likes Mon-El and she likes Lucy.

“He’s nice. He was a prince on Daxam so he’s a little… spoiled? But he’s been getting better at bring considerate and he’s been training really hard with me to be a hero.”

Lucy nods distractedly as she scribbles something down.

“And Alex?”

“She’s good,” Kara says. “She’s dating someone.”

Lucy’s head snaps up at that and a grin creeps across her lips. Kara laughs a little at her surprise.

“Who?”

“I think Alex should tell you. It’s not someone you know, though, so don’t start guessing.”

“Oh, I’m going to grill her the moment I see her. I can’t believe she hasn’t told me yet. Is that why she wasn’t at the DEO last night? I thought she lived here.”

“Not anymore. Alex actually goes home most nights now.”

Lucy leans back in her seat and nods like she’s impressed.

“Tell me more,” Lucy says, an excited glint in her eye. “I hear Lena Luthor moved to town. Has she caused any trouble?”

Kara fights the urge to get defensive and she forces herself to remember that Lucy is from Metropolis and the Luthor she knows best is Lex. And with Lois as her sister, Kara can’t imagine what sort of shit Lucy’s heard. But Lena is her friend (definitely in the running for best friend right now) and Kara had promised to stand up for her always, so she will.

“She’s not like Lex,” Kara says and she knows her tone startles Lucy because her eyes get wide. She tries to soften it. “We’re actually friends now and she’s helped us a bunch of times with Cadmus.”

“You’re… friends? With a Luthor?” Lucy says, her eyebrows scrunching up.

“She’s not like her family Lucy. If I judged people by their parents I wouldn’t like you very much.”

At that, Lucy’s concerned expression drops to turn to a somewhat cheeky grin.

“You got me there,” she says. “By the way, shouldn’t you be at CatCo? Miss Grant is going to have your head.”

“I was fired.”

“You were… what?! Cat fired you?”

Lucy nearly jumps out of her chair in surprise.

“Not exactly? Cat promoted me to reporter and then Snapper Carr fired me because I published an article online about Cadmus deporting aliens which was a clear violation of my contract. And Cat left CatCo. James is in charge now.”

Lucy sits back and sighs.

“Things have really changed, huh?”

Even though Kara technically has five inches on Lucy, normally she exudes such an aura of power and strength that Kara can forget. But right now, slouched in her chair, she looks tiny.

“Not so different,” Kara says in an attempt to make her feel better. “Just life happening. I’m sure you got up to a ton of fun stuff when you were… where were you again?”

“Nice try,” Lucy says dryly. “I’m not telling you.”

“But I’m Supergirl,” Kara says, though the way she’s whining right now isn’t very heroic.

“It’s still classified.”

“Fine, whatever,” Kara says, dramatically turning away. “I didn’t want to know anyway.”

“Oh, be quiet you big baby,” Lucy says, laughing.

Kara turns back to her with a grin and laughs as well. When their laughter fades, they end up just staring at each other smiling somewhat goofily.

“I missed you,” Lucy says.

“Missed you too.”

After two hours, J’onn tells Kara to go deal with a fire downtown and let her agents work for god’s sake. Kara grumbles a little and it gets the laugh she wanted out of Lucy. Kara flashes her a grin before she leaps out of the window of the DEO. The fire is an easy fix. As is the car chase (which stops being a chase the moment Kara lands pretty dramatically in front of their car). And the kitten stuck up a tree. She flies by CatCo to pose for a short for James who has been complaining that there hadn’t been any good pictures of Supergirl recently.

She ends up flying back to the DEO around seven as the sun dips below the horizon. She finds it largely deserted save for the few younger agents who got stuck with the night shift and Lucy still at her desk slaving away at whatever assignment she’s been working on all day.

“You should really go home,” Kara says and Lucy startles so badly that Kara gets hit in the face by a pen.

“Shoot! Sorry Kara. I’m a little jumpy.”

Kara laughs.

“It’s okay. It’s not like that hurt at all.”

“Right,” Lucy says and there’s something a little off because her heart rate is still through the roof and Lucy’s eyes keep flickering to the exits.

“I didn’t mean to startle you,” Kara says. “Are you okay?”

“Yep! Fine!” Lucy says and she’s a little too perky, but before Kara can pry Lucy keeps talking. “And, I still have some work to do. Plus… I don’t exactly have a home yet.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I mean, I couldn’t exactly get an apartment here from where I was. And J’onn offered to set me up at one of the DEO safe houses but those places are all depressing and they kind of freak me out. Plus, they’re usually pretty out of the way. So I’ve been staying here, at least until I can get my own apartment.”

Kara gapes at Lucy for three full seconds trying to understand how she’s so casual about literally being homeless.

“Where’s all your stuff?”

“I put it all in storage before I left. And it’s not like I need most of it. I’ve got my DEO tactical gear and other necessities. It’s really not a big deal.”

“Lucy! It’s a huge deal. You know what? This can’t happen,” Kara says and she reaches forward and lifts Lucy out of her seat.

(She’s definitely going to get a lecture about manhandling soon enough and she will take it, but right now she’s worried.) Lucy yelps and tries to fight it but there’s really no fighting Supergirl. Kara debates throwing Lucy over her shoulder and marching her to her locker where she is presumably keeping her meager belongings but she decides that might be going too far. So instead she puts Lucy back down and guides her there with a strong hand on her arm.

“Kara, what?”

“Get your stuff, Luce. You’re moving in with me.”

“What?”

“Just until you get your own place.”

“Kara, I-“

“Don’t fight me on this Lucy. There’s no way I’m letting my friend not have a home.”

“Kara, I don’t want to get in your way.”

“Pfft, you’re tiny!” Kara says, earning a glare from Lucy. “You couldn’t get in my way if you tried. And I really don’t mind. It’ll be nice to live with someone again. I haven’t since college and I kind of miss it to be honest.”

Lucy fidgets a little and scrunches her nose pensively. She looks at her locker and then up at Kara and then back at her locker. She takes a deep breath and then nods.

“Yeah, okay then, if you’re sure.”

“I’m positive,” Kara says, firmly.

Lucy refuses to let Kara fly them to her apartment, though it would be much faster and instead lets Kara take her stuff while she commandeers a DEO motorcycle. When Kara arrives at her apartment, she’s relieved by Lucy’s stubbornness for once because she’d forgotten how messy her apartment was. She’d fallen into somewhat of a slump after losing her job at CatCo and well… she’s going to have to do some quick work if she wants her apartment to look at all presentable. Luckily, super-speed is her friend and her apartment looks (mostly) clean by the time Lucy knocks on the door.

“Welcome!!” Kara says excitedly.

She knows it’s a little bit ridiculous but she feels like a little kid getting ready for a sleepover.

“Are you sure it’s not a problem? Are you absolutely sure? Because I really don’t mind the DEO that much. The commute is fantastic.”

Kara giggles and shakes her head.

“I don’t mind at all! It’ll be fun!”

Lucy looks at her warily. Lucy has been in the apartment before and though many things in Kara’s life have changed, this has not. Something about it earns Lucy’s approval because she smiles.

“So, um, where should I put my stuff?” Lucy asks.

Kara pauses and blinks. She… had not actually thought about that. Obviously there’s room for Lucy’s single duffle-bag in her apartment but Kara doesn’t have an extra bed, and while the couch is pretty comfortable, Lucy might prefer to stay at the DEO.

“Um, well, we can get a bed for you tomorrow or soon or whatever. Until then, you can sleep in my bed, if you want.”

“I’m not kicking you out of your bed!”

Kara opens her mouth and blinks again because she hadn’t actually been suggesting…

“I meant with me, if you want. I don’t mind sharing. But! If that makes you uncomfortable, I don’t mind taking the couch! I don’t want you to be uncomfortable at all. I just thought… we’re friends and I’ve shared that bed with Alex a bunch. It’s super comfy for two people.”

Kara notices three things all at once. One, Lucy’s heart-rate speeds up. Two, she blushes slightly. Three, her eyes flicker away from Kara’s so that she’s staring down at her feet. And shit! Kara really hadn’t meant to make her uncomfortable.

“Or! I can probably steal one of the DEO beds! J’onn probably won’t notice and he can’t read my mind so I can totally hide it from him.”

“It’s fine,” Lucy says softly, interrupting what was very quickly devolving into a rant. “I don’t mind sharing with you.”

Lucy’s words are at odds with her reaction and Kara’s not sure which to believe. After all, bodily reactions are hard to control but Lucy isn’t really one to lie if she’s uncomfortable.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

Kara feels something soft flutter in her chest and she finds herself grinning and just staring at Lucy like some kind of idiot. When Lucy’s eyebrow quirks in a silent question, Kara forces herself to snap out of it.

“Right, right, okay. I’ll empty out a drawer for you and you can shower. And gosh you’re probably tired still from your trip. So we can go to sleep whenever you want. Oh, and I don’t know if I have any food you like. I can go to the store right now if you give me a list. I’m really fast.”

“Relax Kara,” Lucy says, placing a hand on Kara’s arm. “I can get my own food. Don’t worry so much. This is going to be fine.”

“Fine, yes, right,” Kara says. “It’s gonna be great.”

“But I am going to take you up on that shower.”

“Okay! Sure! Are you sure I can’t get you anything from the store?”

“Positive.”

“Do you… are you really tired? Or would you maybe want to watch a movie after? We could order pizza?”

“That sounds fantastic Kara. I’d love to. Order me a-“

“Pepperoni and mushrooms, no green peppers, I remember.”

“Right, okay. Um, I’m gonna go…”

“Yeah, of course.”

Kara stands in her living room just watching until the bathroom door shuts behind Lucy. Kara feels a wave of happiness so sudden and powerful that she can’t stop herself from dancing a little, though she feels silly almost immediately. Lucy is here. She’s in Kara’s apartment, and she’s back. Kara barely realized how much she missed her until just now.

Kara calls her favorite pizza place and is barely able to say the order properly because she’s excited. She knows that Lucy is probably too tired to deal with her if she doesn’t calm down so she jumps out the window and does a quick lap of the city, grinning the whole time as she stops a store robbery. She waves happily at the cops once they’ve got him and does corkscrews all the way home.

“What happened with you and James?” Lucy asks, pretty out of the blue halfway through She’s The Man (yes Kara picked it, no, she does not think it’s childish thank-you-very-much Alex).

“I… We broke up.”

“Yeah, I gathered. Why?”

Kara feels a little like she’s letting Lucy down, which is ridiculous, but she can’t help it. Part of her feels like Lucy had stepped aside for her in a way, like she might have kept fighting if Kara hadn’t been around. And part of Kara had wanted to make it work so that it wouldn’t be in vain.

“It’s hard…” Kara says, trying to explain it. “It’s hard to be Supergirl and start reporting at CatCo and deal with Cadmus and it never worked. I kept getting called out when we tried to have dates. I’d be late, or have to leave early. And he was always super understanding in the way that he is, but… I could tell he wasn’t happy about it and I was unhappy that he was unhappy and we both deserved better.”

Her reasons don’t seem like enough right now. Not in the face of the woman who had loved James enough to agree to marry him, to move cities and jobs and lives for him.

“We’re still friends,” she hastens to add. “Even if he’s being an idiot.”

Lucy laughs.

“James Olsen? An idiot? Please tell me more.”

Kara furrows her brow.

“Wait, did I not tell you about this yet?”

“Tell me what.”

“Oh man,” Kara says, reaching for the remote to pause the movie. “Uh, so have you heard about Guardian?”

“I… yeah. J’onn mentioned him earlier. He’s some vigilante right?”

“Uh, right. Um, it’s James.”

Lucy stares at Kara for a split second and her eyes get dangerously dark. She hold up her hand in a ‘wait, don’t say anything’ gesture and takes a deep breath. Her jaw is tight and her eyebrows are still slanted sharply when she speaks.

“What?”

Her voice is low and dangerous and Kara suddenly fears for James’s life.

“Do you mean to tell me that James is running around town like a chicken without a head fighting hardened criminals without back up?”

“Um, well technically Winn is helping him.”

“Well great,” Lucy says. “I’m so glad he has a computer nerd who flinches when someone raises their voice watching his back. You’re right, I can’t believe I worried… He has no training!! Neither of them do!! And they’re trying to fight people that you normally fight. How do they think they can compete?”

Kara, without meaning to, bursts out laughing. It’s a little bit from relief, because when she found out about James and Winn she’d felt like she was the only one who was mad even though she was sure she had every right to be. And after James had implied that she was overreacting and she wasn’t trusting her enough, it’s validating to know that she’s not alone in her anger. Mostly, though, it’s because Lucy is wearing pink pajama pants and a too-big t-shirt with a cartoon kitten on it and looks angry enough to kill.

“It’s not funny Kara,” Lucy growls. “They’re going to get themselves killed.”

Kara sobers almost immediately at that.

“I know, Lucy. He’s being careful though. He’s not actually an idiot.”

“Can’t you get him to stop?”

Kara bites her lower lip.

“I tried. I don’t want him doing it either, but the last time I tried to get him to stop, I almost lost him. I’d rather have him doing it and trusting me and calling me when something goes wrong than not.”

Lucy looks at the TV and her expression is tired.

“I… I feel like I missed so much. I mean, it’s not the first time I’ve been deployed somewhere but it’s never been for so long and I’ve never been so isolated. And… I guess, other than James, I never really had as much to miss. I feel like you and Alex and James have all moved on to something new. Don’t get me wrong, what I did over there was important and I don’t regret going but I… wish I’d been here for this stuff.”

Kara reaches over and tugs on Lucy’s shoulder until she falls into her arms. She brings one hand up to Lucy’s hair and gently caresses it until Lucy relaxes into her.

“I know. I get it. But, if it makes you feel better, we all missed you. It hasn’t quite been the same without you.”

Kara can’t see Lucy’s face from this angle but she can feel the way her cheeks shift into a smile against her arm.

“I missed you too Kara.”

For a second, Kara isn’t sure what wakes her. It’s still dark out and the streets are silent, or as silent as they can be for someone with super hearing. She’s just about to roll over and go back to sleep when she hears a whimper. She turns to see that Lucy’s hands are fisted into the duvet and her brow is furrowed. When Kara focuses her hearing, she notices that Lucy’s is going almost double-time.

“Lucy,” Kara says, probably too softly to wake her. “Lucy! Luce!”

Kara reaches over and places a hand on Lucy’s arm and is immediately rewarded with an elbow to the face. It doesn’t hurt her at all, but it surprises her enough that she yelps and scrambles back. When she looks back at Lucy, her chest is heaving and her eyes are wild.

“Lucy?”

Kara reaches across the distance between them but immediately withdraws her hand when Lucy flinches.

“Luce,” she says softly. “Are you okay?”

“I… um, nightmare. I had a nightmare,” her voice is breathy and uneven. “I’m okay. It’s okay.”

Kara stays on her side of the bed, entirely unsure of how to help.

“Are you… are you sure? Do you want to talk about it?”

Lucy ducks her chin and Kara has to tilt her head to see her expression. In the slight moonlight, she catches the glint of a few tears.

“Lucy,” she says softly.

“I can’t tell you what I was doing there,” Lucy says. “I know you think that’s silly but I won’t disobey orders. Things were… hard there. And I get nightmares sometimes.”

“I… Is there anything I can do to help?”

Lucy turns and opens her arms as if asking for a hug.

“Hold me?”

Kara barely hesitates before lying back down and pulling Lucy into her chest.

“Of course.”

“Ummm, Kara?” Alex says. “Whose clothes are these?”

Kara looks up from her potstickers and glances at her bedroom. Alex had come straight from work and had begged Kara to lend her sweatpants to change into for sister night. Kara had waved her away with a ‘sure, go for it’, much too focused on the promise of Chinese food to worry about Alex. She knew were all her stuff was anyway. Except, Kara’s stuff has been moved around a bit. The drawer that had previously been designated ‘The Sweatpants Drawer’ had been consolidated with ‘The Sweatshirt Drawer’ to make room for Lucy’s stuff.

“Oh, that’s Lucy’s.”

Kara hears the banging of a few more drawers and then then sound of fabric against skin. Then Alex is marching out of Kara’s bedroom with a look of pure confusion on her face.

“Okay, what’s going on? Because Maggie and I have been dating for nearly three months and even we don’t have this much clothes at each other’s places.”

“Yeah, um, funny story actually. This is technically Lucy’s place too? Also she’s going to be joining us for sister night?”

Alex sits at Kara’s counter, laces her fingers together and leans her chin against them. For a very long time she just stares at Kara.

“Explain. From the beginning.”

“Lucy doesn’t have an apartment yet and I found out she spent the first night at the DEO and that sounded terrible so I told her she could live here until she found a place.”

“Okay, so let me get this straight. Lucy Lane has been staying here for… almost a week and a half, and this is the first I’ve heard about it?”

“I… yeah, I guess. It never came up?”

“So does that mean we can finally talk about your crush.”

“My… my what?”

“Your crush. On Lucy.”

“What? Alex, no. I don’t have a… not on Lucy. She’s my friend.”

“Back when you were super into James and Lucy showed up, you said that she was, and I quote, ‘pretty’ ‘nice’ ‘smart’ ‘tough’-“

“Okay! Okay! I get it!”

“You also said she smelled nice which is a weird thing to say about someone you just met.”

“Well, she did smell nice, Alex! I was saying that objectively.”

Alex rolls her eyes.

“Look, Kara. I’m not saying you have to do anything, but you’re sometimes kind of oblivious to your own feelings and I think you should maybe not be oblivious about these.”

“I’m not… I don’t…”

Kara is saved from having to come up with a full sentence that doesn’t sound like a lie, but the sound of Lucy’s key in the door.

“She has a key?” Alex asks Kara quietly.

“Of course. How else is she supposed to get in?”

Lucy walks in to find Alex and Kara leaning awkwardly against Kara’s kitchen island like cartoon characters. She hangs up her coat and puts down her bag, eyeing them warily the whole time.

“Hey guys,” she says. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” they both say, Kara far too quickly, and Alex with a smirk on her lips.

“Oh! If Lucy’s going to be here, can I invite Maggie?”

Lucy frowns.

“Who’s Maggie?”

“You didn’t tell her?” Alex asks Kara, surprise clear in her voice.

“I thought you’d want to.”

Alex turns back to Lucy and nods in her head in the way that she does when she’s trying to psych herself up.

“Right, right. Um, yeah. Maggie is… well she’s a cop. The NCPD has a new task force that deals exclusively with extra normal crimes. Um and she’s on that task force and we met back when this Infernian tried to kill the President.” Lucy raises her eyes in surprise. “It’s fine. We handled it. But anyway, Maggie and I… we sort of… I mean… she’s my girlfriend.”

Lucy seems surprised for only a half a second before she squeals and pulls Alex into a hug.

“Oh, thank god! I thought you were going to be single forever.”

“Hey!” Alex retorts, but she’s laughing a little and hugging Lucy back.

“Please Kara, let her invite Maggie. I have to meet her.”

Kara was never going to say no, but with Lucy’s eyes on her she finds that she couldn’t even if she wanted to.

“Sure, of course. It’ll be fun.”

Maggie and Lucy took one look at each other and decided that they were going to be best friends. Now, they’re both wine drunk and giggling like teenagers, which is a foreign look on both of them. They have a lot in common though. They’re both small, but tough. They’re also smart and they end up discussing some of the best ways for subduing unruly aliens and comparing notes (and battle scars). Maggie is thrilled to learn that Lucy is practically a second Director at the DEO. (While J’onn has always been happy to see Maggie in her capacity as Alex’s girlfriend, he refused to discuss business saying that he shouldn’t be opening a line of communication between the police and an organization that did not exist even unofficially). Lucy does not seem to have similar qualms.

Alex watches them with a soft smile and even softer eyes.

“They seem to like each other,” Kara says, leaning her head against Alex’s shoulder.

“Yeah. I’m glad,” Alex says and, and then after a short pause. “I’m happy Kara.”

Kara hums lightly under her breath.

“Me too.”

“You haven’t been lately. Don’t think I didn’t notice.”

Alex pauses as if to let Kara disagree but there’s really no point. Alex is right and she knows it.

“I know you’ve got a lot going on and all. And I know that things have been hard with James and Winn and losing your job. You know you can still talk to me about that stuff right? Like… just because Maggie and I are dating…you’re still my sister.”

Kara nods silently because if she speaks right now she’s going to probably start crying happy tears. She closes her eyes for a second and focuses on Alex’s heartbeat, steady and constant in her chest, and she wonders yet again how she’s the one with super-strength when Alex is always the one who holding her up.

“Is it because of her?” Alex asks quietly and Kara opens her eyes to see Lucy laughing at something Maggie has said.

Her head is thrown back, short brown waves bouncing light and catching the light. When she rights herself Kara catches sight of her eyes, so green and so beautiful and she knows there’s only one answer she can give Alex.

“Yeah.”

“What are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know Alex. With everything going on… I don’t want it to be like James all over again. I mean, what are the odds that I could ever get to live normally, that I could have what other people have.”

“Clark can,” Alex replies. “He’s Superman, and he’s award-winning Daily Planet Journalist Clark Kent, and he is also married to Lois. Maybe what it takes is a Lane.”

Kara lets out a hiccuping laugh that has both Maggie and Lucy looking at her curiously. She waves them off with a smile and they both turn back to their conversation, but less than a second later Lucy is glancing at her again, as if to double check that Kara is indeed okay.

“For what it’s worth,” Alex says. “I think if you asked her out she would say yes.”

Kara doesn’t respond because it’s a lot to unpack right now and she’s too happy and too sleepy to deal with it. Instead, she stores it away in the back of her mind for a later date and nestles herself deeper into Alex’s side.

Waking up to a frightened gasp or a broken whimper from Lucy is practically habit now. She hasn’t once slept through the night since arriving and Kara is starting to get worried. During the day she seems fine, for the most part, but Kara notices small details, like the way she avoids the DEO shooting range like the plague, how violently she reacts when Kara accidentally sneaks up on her. Last week, she’d been sparring against Alex and Alex accidentally had gotten in a solid knock to her head and Lucy had retaliated so quickly that it couldn’t have been anything other than instinct. Alex is still complaining about the bruise on her ribs.

Kara’s not sure what she should do because, on the one hand, she wants to help but she knows that Lucy would consider her telling anyone the ultimate betrayal. On the other hand, she can’t help herself when she doesn’t even know what happened in the first place. So instead, she does the only thing she can and, when Lucy wakes from the night mares, she pulls her close and holds her until she’s asleep again.

“I’m sorry Kara,” Lucy says once night after curling up against her. “I don’t mean to keep waking you.”

“Shhh, it’s okay Lucy. I’d rather you woke me up, than you woke up alone. I’ve had my fair share of nightmares and… I wouldn’t wish them on anyone.”

“About Krypton?” Lucy asks, and then a second later is backpedaling. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”

“No, it’s okay,” Kara says. “Um, at first, when I arrived, it was always about Krypton. Every single night, for maybe three or four months? But they went on pretty regularly for years. I think at that point my body was too tired to dream every night. By the time I made it to college, they were pretty much gone. Then, after I became Supergirl and saw my Aunt Astra again, they came back. Not as often, but there still. I have other dreams too. After I flew Fort Rozz into space I’d have dreams of not being able to breathe. I… I almost died and while I was at peace with it, it was still kind of scary. The worst ones are ones of people I love dying. I’ve gotten too close to seeing it too many times, y’know? I’ve seen James and Winn jump off a building and Alex in a burning plane and being shot at. I’ve seen J’onn fight monsters and barely make it. I dream that they all die. That I lose them forever.”

Lucy tightens her grip on Kara. For a long while she’s silent, long enough for Kara to wonder if she’s fallen back asleep but then she shifts and tentatively starts to speak.

“We were in the Amazon. About a month before I arrived someone had seen something between the trees that didn’t belong there. And then there were more sightings, one right after the other and when looking at meteorological data we found that around the time the sightings started something had fallen to earth in the area. We thought it was just your run-of-the-mill meteor but apparently not. So I went down with a team of three other agents. The original mission was just to find out what they were and if they were hostile.”

“But by the time we got down there, the local militia had already started to fight back. Apparently the aliens had been stealing their food, not knowing any better, and the locals were scared and hungry. We tried to get them to back down but they aren’t exactly fond of Americans, much less Americans with fancy badges so they essentially told us to fuck off. One night, in order to fulfill the mission, we snuck past their sentries to get to the camp. Do you know about Largas?”

“Yeah, J’onn talked about them once. They were a very peaceful race but they died out, right?”

“Apparently not. Because they were there. They didn’t speak any English and we had no records of their language, presumably because they were supposed to be dead. But they welcomed us, kindly. You’re right. They were very peaceful, to the point where they wouldn’t even properly defend themselves against the militia past putting up a couple walls around their camp. We ended up living with them for a bit and learning their language. We offered to fight back for them, at least enough so that we could extract them to a safer place. They refused. For the first month I was there, we just tried to convince them that we could help if they would just work with us. We were outnumbered by the militia but we had better weapons and better strategy and we could have won.

“There was a child. Very young. I think they said three earth years, and they live to be a hundred and fifty on average so for them he was young. Anyway, we… bonded I guess. He couldn’t speak at all, much less in English, but I think he liked my hair. One day he snuck out of camp when no one was watching and-“ Lucy’s voice cracks. She doesn’t have to finish the sentence though. Kara can imagine how it goes.

“That finally convinced them to fight back. And we did. God Kara, it was so terrible. Agent Jenkins died and about a third of the Largas as well before we finally managed to break through their defenses enough to get away. I… we expected the militia to leave us alone after we left but… they didn’t. For the next couple months all I did was travel with them, hiking through the woods hoping to find somewhere suitable to live where they wouldn’t get attacked. The militia, they followed and they brought friends. Every new place we stopped at, the militia came and would convince the locals to join them. Eventually we were able to get away by going so far into the trees that they wouldn’t follow. And Kara, let me tell you, there are some really awful, terrifying things in the Amazon.”

Lucy says it like a joke but Kara can hear the truth behind the statement, hear how scared she is that she’ll end up there again.

“I’d never been deployed in combat,” Lucy says. “Not really. I’d seen some from afar but I never… I never had to live through it. I don’t ever… I don’t think I can ever do anything like that again.”

“You won’t have to Luce. I’ll do whatever I can to make sure you never have to again.”

It’s a bit of a weak promise because the Daxamite ship is still hovering up there and if they keep good on their promise to destroy earth, National City is sure to become a battle field. And Kara wishes she could say that Lucy would be safe at her desk at the DEO but even the DEO control room has seen quite a bit of action. Still, she will do everything in her power (which is a lot) to make sure Lucy’s nightmares fade and are forgotten.

“Luce,” Kara says softly.

“Hmm?”

“You said you didn’t regret it.”

Lucy takes a second to answer and when she does her voice is sure.

“Was it worth it for you when you flew Fort Rozz into space?”

It’s not even a real question as far as Kara is concerned. She would do it again in a second. To save National City, to save Earth? There’s nothing she wouldn’t do.

“Of course.”

“There’s your answer. I don’t want to think about what the militia would have done had we not intervened. The Largas needed our help and we helped them. So, no, I do not regret a second of it. It was worth it.”

Kara feels tears unexpectedly welling up in her eyes and she presses a kiss into the crown of Lucy’s head.

“Lucy Lane,” she says. “You are my hero.”

“Right back at you, Supergirl.”

The nightmares subside a little after they talk. Kara thinks maybe it helps that they stop pretending they’re going to actually spend the night on opposite sides of the bed and when they go to sleep, Kara curls her body around Lucy’s. It’s been nearly a month since Lucy got back now and Kara wants to ask if she’s had any luck finding an apartment. Not because she wants Lucy to move out, because she’s pretty sure that would be the worst thing in the world (One night Lucy works late at the DEO and Kara can’t fall asleep without her). She just wants to know what to expect, how long to expect her for. She wants to know so that she can start to prepare mentally for Lucy to move out.

But she’s afraid that if she brings it up Lucy will think she wants her to move out, which couldn’t be farther from the truth. She can’t figure out a phrasing that wouldn’t make it sound like Kara is just itching to get rid of her. So she doesn’t ask and Lucy doesn’t say anything.

Alex, on the other hand, has not been shy about asking Kara when the hell she’s going to woman up and ask Lucy out.

“Kara, please, I beg you just do it. I want you to be happy and-“

“I am happy.”

“Okay, so I want you to be even happier, sue me. Ask her out. She won’t say no, I promise.”

“What? Why? Did she say something to you?”

“No, you useless alien. I just have eyes that can see things. And she’s not subtle.”

“But Alex-“

“Don’t! I don’t want to hear any ‘buts’ from you. Ask her or I’ll throw you off a building.”

“I can fly, you know…”

“I’ll make sure you solar flare first.”

Still, despite Alex’s nagging, Kara has made no progress. After all, Lucy is… well, she’s Lucy. She’s gorgeous and smart and strong and amazing and just a little bit broken, which is okay, but Kara’s not sure if she can be enough for her. So, she does the best to put it out of her mind, which admittedly is very hard when she sees Lucy every day.

“Kara, you know I love you to death, but I really need to get this paperwork done and you are being very distracting.”

“What? I’m not doing anything,” Kara says from where she’s perched on the desk next to Lucy’s eating Doritos and humming to a song that she can’t remember the name of. It’s definitely from the 80s though. Maybe.

“You’re humming, first of all. Which you’re doing while eating chips and if you weren’t a super-powered alien I’d be worried about you choking. And second of all, you keep fidgeting.”

“Ugh, I’m sorry!! It’s just that I’m bored!”

“Have you considered getting a job?”

“I had one, and then I lost it.”

Lucy rolls her eyes.

“Seriously? Get another one. Or at least try applying for others. J’onn’s going to stop paying out of the DEO budget at some point and you’re going to run out of money fast.”

Kara pouts and Lucy smirks her victory.

“Fine,” Kara says and she gets off the desk to find a computer and start researching, or maybe Winn can write a program that will find and apply for any job that’s relevant to her interests.

She makes it three steps before the gunshots start. She whips around to find an alien that she’d fought earlier that day running loose in the DEO. He almost makes it to the window before Kara’s got her hand on the collar of his jacket and has whipped him down into the ground. He’s strong and big but not really a match for Kara especially with the concussion he definitely has from earlier. This time, she drags him down to containment herself and she doesn’t leave until the door to his cell is locked and sealed.

And then her ears catch a familiar sound that makes her heart clench and her stomach fly into her throat. She’s back up in the control room before anyone can blink to find Lucy curled under her desk with her hands over her ears. The control room is still a mess of barked orders and sharp voices as they try to organize clean-up and try to figure out who is responsible for his escape.

“Everyone shut up and clear out!” she says forcefully enough that every one freezes before hustling to do as she says.

(She doesn’t give orders often, or ever really, because that’s more Alex and J’onn’s job but when she does she’s always pleasantly surprised when people listen. She’d gotten used to being largely ignored as Kara Danvers so the turnaround is nice.)

The room quiets down and Kara kneels in front of Lucy’s desk.

“Luce? Hey Lucy, it’s Kara. Can you hear me?”

Lucy’s eyes are squeezed shut and her hands are still pressed tightly to her ears but she still nods.

“Hey, Luce, listen. You’re safe okay? One of the aliens broke out of containment but I put him back there easily. He’s there for good. We double and triple checked all of the controls. Those agents shouldn’t have shot at him. It was pointless really because he was bulletproof, but no one got hurt and all of their weapons are holstered again. Okay? You’re safe and nothing’s going to hurt you. But its okay if you don’t want to come out yet. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

Kara reaches out to focus on Lucy’s heart rate. It’s tripping over herself at that familiar pace that it had when Lucy woke up to nightmares. But Kara’s attuned enough to it now to hear as it starts to slow down and to know when it becomes okay to reach out to Lucy and touch her. She gently and slowly pries Lucy out from under the desk and slips her arms around her shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Lucy sniffles once she’s calmed down.

“Don’t be.”

“Kara,” Lucy says and for some reason Kara’s name falls strangely off her tongue as if she’s never said it before.

“Yeah?’’

“Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

After that the nightmares come back full force for three nights before the insomnia sets in. Instead of waking up at 3am to the sound of a gasp or a whimper, Kara wakes up only an hour after falling asleep to Lucy tossing and turning. She does everything she can think of — holding her, rubbing her back, running her fingers through Lucy’s hair, singing a lullaby — but nothing ever seems to work and Lucy gets more and more tired with each passing night.

She starts to sneak away, slipping out of bed after Kara has fallen asleep to pace around the living room or to watch a show quietly on TV. She seems to forget though that no matter how quiet she is, Kara has super-hearing (what she doesn’t know is that Kara has also attuned herself to Lucy’s heartbeat and any spike or change usually wakes her). Kara tries to coax her back to bed and is usually successful but she thinks that Lucy might be even more unhappy confined to lying down because either way she doesn’t fall asleep.

One night, Kara unsure of what else to do, offers to take Lucy flying.

“Are you kidding me? How would hovering thousands of feet above the city help me calm down?”

Kara shrugs.

“I always works for me,” she says. “Whenever I can’t sleep I do a loop of the city. It’s peaceful and the air feels nice. I mean, I guess it’s different because I can’t fall.”

Lucy seems to consider it, and then she turns to look at Kara with wide eyes and quietly says, “You won’t let me fall, right?”

Kara is startled that she even has to ask.

“Never.”

Which is how Lucy ends up cradled in Kara’s arms hovering high above National City. Kara talks to her quietly, pointing out her favorite places. She tells her about the mom and pop pizza place that she likes to go to when she’s nearby. They don’t deliver but their pizza is the best in town. She tells her about the park where she’s become friends with a little girl who goes there every day after school. She discusses the pros and cons of the roof of L-Corp vs CatCo vs the DEO. In less than twenty minutes, Lucy has fallen asleep and Kara carries her back home, careful not to jostle or wake her. She doesn’t bother taking off her suit and instead uses her cape in lieu of a blanket.

When she wakes up the next morning, she finds Lucy staring at her with an entirely indecipherable expression.

“I fell asleep,” she says softly. “I mean… I slept the whole night.”

“Yeah,” Kara says. “How do you feel?”

“You helped me. You helped me fall asleep. I remember you talked to me until I was asleep.”

Kara blushes under her scrutiny and praise and then shrugs noncommittally.

“I wasn’t… It’s not a big deal.”

“Kara,” Lucy says firmly. “Thank you.”

Kara does something halfway between a shrug and a nod that has Lucy laughing and its the most beautiful sound in the world and she’s the most beautiful girl in the world, wrapped up in Kara’s cape with sunlight dancing across her face.

“Lucy… I-“

“Kara-“

They cut each other off and Kara buries her face into the pillow as she giggles. Everything about this moment feels warm and soft and unbreakable.

“You go first,” she says.

Lucy bites her lower lip and the motion is wildly distracting. Kara knows that she’s staring at Lucy’s lips now and she’s not sure if Lucy has noticed but she finds she doesn’t care.

“You’re my best friend. You know that right?”

Kara is distracted enough that it takes her a second to actually process Lucy’s words. When she does, she feels her heart constrict because ‘friends’ wasn’t really what she was going for. Not that she’d be opposed to friends, its just… she wants more.

“I… yeah, of course,” Kara says.

“And I love you.”

“I love you too, Lucy. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I just…”

Lucy trails off and Kara’s breath catches in her throat because Lucy is looking at her lips as if she’s trying to find the answer to the universe in them. Kara wants to ask what she’s doing (there’s an answer she hopes for but she knows better than to believe it could actually happen) but she doesn’t want to break whatever is hanging between them.

“Kara,” Lucy says softly, her lips barely moving.

Lucy gives her time. Lucy gives her eons to move away. Kara could if she wanted to, even without her super speed. But god why would she ever want to? Still, when Lucy’s lips finally touch hers it’s almost a surprise. But it’s the best kind of surprise and Kara doesn’t hesitate to tilt her chin so that she can properly kiss back. Lucy’s heart is thundering in her chest, but Kara doesn’t think that’s a bad thing this time.

The kiss is short and chaste, but when Lucy pulls away her pupils are blown and her breath is short. And in a move that charms Kara beyond anything that’s ever happened to her before, Lucy brings her fingers up to her own lips as if to check that it was real. When she realizes what she’s doing, she whips her hand back down to her side and buries her face into the pillow to hide her blush. Kara laughs lightly and brings her hand up so that she can tap at Lucy’s chin until she looks back up.

This time Kara kisses her until Lucy is blushing for entirely different reasons. She threads her hands into the shortest hairs at the nape of Lucy’s neck and is rewarded by a soft sigh. Somewhere, in the back of Kara’s mind, (the only part of her mind that isn’t just saying Lucy Lucy Lucy) Kara wonders if this is all a dream. It kind of feels like it, with the sunlight and her cape draped over them. Oh, and the fact that Lucy is kissing her which seems so unlikely.

It feels real though. Lucy’s hand gripping at Kara’s waist is real and her lips feel real. And this is all so much better than anything Kara has dreamed in the past. This time, when Lucy pulls away she isn’t the only one short of breath. She watches Kara with such open awe that Kara has to fight the urge to look away and blush.

“You kissed me,” Lucy says.

“You kissed me first.”

Lucy smacks Kara’s arm and pretends to be annoyed but it doesn’t work as she struggles not to smile. Kara understands the feeling and she’s pretty sure her cheeks are going to hurt by the end of the day.

“You like me?”

Lucy sounds so uncertain as if the idea of Kara even tolerating her is entirely unfathomable.

“I’ve liked you since… Gosh, probably since before you left if I think about it, though I wasn’t really aware?”

“That long?”

Kara shrugs awkwardly, a little embarrassed. She knows it must seem a little pathetic to like someone for a long time, to know you like them and not do anything about it.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I don’t know… I guess I thought you wouldn’t want to date me. I mean, you’re Lucy Lane and I’m just-“

“Amazing. Wonderful. Kind. Beautiful,” Lucy says before Kara can finish the thought. “You are incredible Kara Danvers and …. I think I need to move out.”

Kara takes far too long to process the quick change in direction and when she does she shoots up so that she’s sitting.

“What? Why?”

She knows that she sounds panicked and is pretty sure she must look it too. But she has no idea why Lucy would want to move out now. Everything was going so well and Kara’s not sure how their morning arrived here. Lucy sits up slowly so that she can look Kara in the eye.

“Because I think it’s a bad idea to start a relationship living together. It would be too fast and too much all at once.”

“We’ve been living together for weeks,” Kara replies. “And it’s been good and…”

“There’s another reason, Kara. I think that I… I need to be able to live on my own again. Or I need to know that I can live on my own. You know? I need to know I’ll be okay even if you’re not with me every single night. Plus, it’s not fair to you to wake up every night and take me flying. And-“ Lucy holds up her hand to stop the retort she knows is coming, “I know you don’t mind. But I do.”

“But that’s what friends are for. To help each other and take care of each other.”

“Yeah, but I shouldn’t be dependent on you. Which I am right now. Please Kara, I need you to understand that it’s got nothing to do with you and everything to do with the fact that I don’t trust myself right now and I want to get to a place where I can. I’ve been talking to the DEO’s counselor about my PTSD and she agrees.”

Kara tires not to let her face fall. She tries to school her features into something supportive. And she is supportive. She knows that Lucy is right. It’s just… she’s going to miss her.

“Can you still sleep here some nights?” Kara asks. “Because I’ve gotten really used to you falling asleep in my arms. And I’ll miss you a lot.”

Lucy’s grin lights her face up like the sun and Kara feels like it scorches through her when Lucy presses their lips together.

“I would love nothing more.”

[geleixi]

HEY HI HELLO!!

i have been gone for a little while, and i came back but haven’t really been active. so i guess i’d like to give a ~life update~ of sorts, even tho the only thing that has really happened to me is that my semester started lmao

so--LMAO--tumblr suspended access to my main blog (this one) because i had hoarded urls when i was sixteen. it didn’t feel like a big deal, bc they said that i could just delete any blogs i had that weren’t being used and email them back and i could get access back, but it ended up taking, like, three weeks for them to do anything. okay. whatever.

i guess i want to say right here and right now that i don’t foresee myself ever deleting my blog unannounced, so if it looks like i have, it is /probably/ tumblr’s doing. i have a lot of cool mutuals here that i’d like to keep in touch with after tumblr’s inevitable demise, so if we’re mutuals and you’d like to exchange contact info/other social media, feel free 2 ask at any time!!

as for other things in my life, i guess mostly i feel like if 2016 was the year of pokemon, then 2017 is the year of yugioh

i’ve been playing a LOT of ygo duel links, like A LOT, especially after i had my tumblr suspended. for a while, it was really emotionally draining a lot of the time, because a lot of REALLY horrible people like to hang out on the global chat feature, like honestly the worst kinds of people you can expect on an unmoderated chat in an online game, esp at this moment in history, and i tried dealing with it in ways that were maybe not so smart.

sidenote: for the pegasus event, i managed to get all of pegasus’s drops, but i was at 1.9mil points when the event ended...... i was SO CLOSE to getting the event-exclusive icon, but alas. oh well.

but it’s a fun game, and i got two of my friends to start playing it too. i’ve just been hanging out with my housemates a lot since i shut myself in during finals last semester, so one of them lives in my house, and the other lives across the street and is also in the frat that lives in this house.

i need to kind of back away from duel links for a little bit though, bc all of my characters are nearing lvl30 and soon i won’t have any sustainable way to get gems. so this might be me saying that i’ll try to be slightly more active on tumblr again?

i guess it’s kinda funny bc i sort of ended up living in this house as a last resort, and i stayed away from the people in it for most of last semester because i felt like i couldn’t REALLY be a part of them since i’m not in their frat, but they turned out to be really nice people with similar interests and politics to mine (as opposed to just politics, as is the case for the friends i’ve made elsewhere). one of them even told me yesterday that they value my presence here and that they don’t want me to feel like there should be anything keeping me away from rushing, which was really nice. they do a good job of making me feel included, and they show me physical affection, which i have been starved for. i guess i feel less on edge and more comfortable around these housemates than i have around any other friend group my entire time in college, which is nice and unexpected.

so yeah ANYWAY lmao i ended up being able to see ygo: dark side of dimensions on jan 28, the day after it came out!! i originally thought i’d have to take a bus to connecticut to see it, bc rhode island is too tiny and for a really long time the ticket website didn’t say that any theaters in massachusetts were showing it. i didn’t really want to go alone and, understandably, none of my friends were willing to catch a bus at 3am to see it in connecticut, so i made a tinder profile to see if i could find someone who was willing to go with me LMAO. i have a tinder now, is what i’m saying.

but it turned out that there WERE theaters in massachusetts showing it, bc one of my housemates, one that i haven’t even really gotten very close to, just randomly told me he was driving up there to see it with a mutual friend, who has never seen ygo lmao. so i tagged along, and i brought my housemate who also plays duel links, and I GOT TO SEE IT!!!! and it was only like a 30-45min drive, and i didn’t have to buy bus tickets, and i went with people i knew, so it was v miraculous lmao

i have mixed feelings lmao. i can make a post about it later, but idk what other people thought? I AM VERY HAPPY THAT RYOU GOT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT THOUGH

i’ve been watching some episodes of the gx dub with a few of my friends in this house, which has also been really fun. if another one gets the time, we’re gonna start the 5d’s dub together, which i’ve never seen. i also met another girl yesterday who is a mentee in the asian american mentoring program that i’m a mentor for, and she’s really into ygo too, so i’m gonna see if she wants to watch with us sometime. honestly this is kind of a dream come true; i’ve always wanted friends to watch ygo with...... i’ve always wanted yugibros LMAO

there are a couple things in my life that aren’t really going quite so well, too, i guess. i’m taking four seminars this semester, one for every day of the week from monday through thursday. it’s, like, sort of draining to have to sit in a single class for 2.5+ hrs, and they’re all very reading-heavy so i’m not sure if i’ll be able to keep up. i’m already falling behind in the thursday one, which is a requirement for me.

they’re all also in the late afternoon, so my sleep schedule right now is just fucked. the thursday one runs from 6:40pm to 9:10, which is just really fucking awful. i hate it. i don’t fall asleep until after the sun rises anymore. i’m pretty much nocturnal now. it’s kind of a big problem. i don’t even really feel like a person anymore, tbh.

this is a lot of text, but i feel like i had more to say. umm.

i have not yet watched s2 of voltron, so i currently have it blacklisted.

i finally FINALLY went to see hidden figures!!!!

and i went to go see the sailor moon r movie today with my two duel links friends lmao

so i guess the tl;dr version of all of this is that i’m in a pretty happy place socially this semester, and ygo has been VERY much on the mind, but i’m also, like, not very functional right now either