#anyways. as always i wish i never had to read opinions on spn outside of the people i willingly follow 🙃

[deanwifechester]

I always love Dean but I love him the most when he's lashing out and being ugly and recreating his trauma on the other end of the power dynamic <3 I love when he's mean and violent and insensitive. That's when he's at the most babygirl.

[mlovesstories]

Adopting An Angel (RPF)

AN: Should I make this a series? Hope you like it! 

Summary: YN was adopted by Jensen and Danneel.  Adjusting to a new life is hard sometimes. 

Word count: 1461

Warnings: Online hate, low self-esteem

Jensen x Danneel, Jensen x daughter, Danneel x daughter

“Hey, sweetheart.  How are you?”  Jensen was facetiming with his daughter.

“Hi, Jensen.  I’m okay.  Just adjusting.  It’s still new, ya know?  I wish you were here.”  

“Sure, YN.  I know.  It’s new for all of us.  But I’ll be home for hiatus soon.”

“Hiatus?”  YN didn’t know the reference.

“It’s our summer break from the show.  I won’t be back to Vancouver until mid-July.”

“Really?”

Jensen and Danneel had just adopted fifteen year-old YN.  She was full of life and adventure, but she was out of her element with having a structured family.  

“Yep. How’s school going?”  Jensen wanted to be there for her, but he was obligated to be in Vancouver for Supernatural.  

“It’s good for once in my life.  But technically we have like a week left. Oh, I made a friend today.”

“What’s her name?  Is she nice like someone I know?”  He winked at her.

“Very funny.  And HIS name is Skylar.”

“Umm, no.  No friends who are boys,” he stated straight-faced.  Her value just plummeted.  She didn’t want him to hate her already.  They were getting along so well.  

YN was quick to respond with, “I’m sorry.  I won’t hang out with him.  I’ll find someone-” she sputtered.

“YN, stop!  I was kidding, sweetheart.  I’m so proud of you for making friends,” Jensen smiled. “You are so strong, you know that?”  

“I don’t think so,” YN looked away from the phone.

“Hey,” Jensen got her attention, “you are.  You’re doing fine.  It’s all new, but that’s okay.”

She heard Jared in the background. “Is that YN? Let me see her,” Jared said as he took the phone from his friend. “Hey, YN!  How’s it going, darlin’?”

“Hi, Mr. Padalecki. It’s good, thank you.”

“What have I told you about the last name stuff, huh?  What did I say would happen if you called me that again?” He smirked.

“That you would tickle me until I cried,” she answered with a laugh. “I’m sorry, Jared,” YN emphasized his first name.

“There we go!  I’ll let it slide this time, shorty.”

“I ain’t short!” YN automatically responded.  “Stop calling me that, please,”  she thought she overstepped with her declaration.  “I’m so sorry.  I didn’t mean to be disrespectful.  Call me that if you want.”  YN was very timid with her new family and friends.  

“YN, if you don’t want me to, I won’t.  We’re silly in this family.  You are allowed to have a say and joke around too,” Jared affirmed her.  He knew she was trying to find her place in their world of crazy.  

“Oh. Umm, okay.  Well, I don’t mind it.  It’s okay if you call me that.  Although, for the record, I’m not short.  You’re just ginormous.”

Jared leaned back with a laugh.  “She doesn’t lie,” he told Jensen. “Okay, they are calling me to set.  Bye, shorty!”  With that, Jared left the frame of the phone.  

“Don’t mind the weird one,”  Jensen grinned at the camera as he referred to his tall co-star. YN beamed.

______________

It was hiatus, and YN was glad to have the whole family together consistently for the first time since she became part of the Ackles clan.  She loved watching Danneel and Jensen interact with each other and the younger ones.  They spent their days at the pool, taking small trips, and hanging out as a family of six.  It was strange to be the oldest sibling, but she enjoyed it which surprised her.  The Ackles had not announced that they had adopted YN yet for her privacy, but Jensen and Danneel wanted to shout it from the rooftops.  She was such a gift to their family.  

“How are you feeling today, YN?”  Danneel asked.

“Good, I think.  I’m just not used to family stuff.”  She looked at her mom.

“Like what?” Danneel was curious.

“The laughing and goofing off.  I’ve never had that before.  You have a lot of fun,”  YN smiled. “And all the trips and outings.  That’s new.  My room is fantastic.  I never had a bed to myself.  It was always too crowded.  Now I have my own room with a bathroom.”

“I’m sure it’s different.  But is it a good different, at least?  I know it’s a lot to take in.  You can always tell us if you need to talk,” Danneel wrapped her arms around YN.  

“Oh no, it’s totally cool.  Just a kind of culture shock, I guess.  I love it though.”

“Good,”  Danneel was so glad for YN.  YN deserved some fun.  “Jensen, come here.” Jensen walked over to his girls.  “Let’s take a picture.  I want to document YN’s first summer with us.”

“Good idea, Dee. Here, I have my phone.  Let’s get the pool in the background.  It’s a good backdrop,” he nudged YN playfully, and she giggled. “One, two, three.”  He clicked the shutter button on his phone.  “Can I send this to Grandma and Grandpa?  They can’t wait to meet you next week when we go to Dallas.”

“Okay.  They seem nice.  Well, they should be.  I’m sure you got that from them anyway,” YN said quietly.

“They will absolutely love you.”

“You can post it.  If you want,” YN knew they were waiting for her approval to tell anyone outside of their families about their new addition. She understood that there would be a large reaction because of who her parents were.  After all, she was part of the SPN Family before she was part of the Ackles Family.  

“Post it?”  Jensen and Danneel each raised a brow questioning YN.

“On instagram.”  YN was nervous, but she knew it would happen eventually anyway.  “It’s okay if people know.”

“Are you sure, sweetie?  We don’t owe anyone anything on social media.  It’s just a fun way to interact with friends and fans, but we don’t need to,” Danneel soothed her daughter as she rubbed YN’s arm.

“No, it’s fine, really.  I mean, I’ve been with you for a couple of months, Dee.  I’ll be alright.”

As they talked, Danneel and Jensen asked YN what she was comfortable with them posting about her.  She wanted them to say that she was theirs, officially.  YN could publicly claim to have a real family.  She was excited.  

Both Jensen and Danneel posted a few pictures of YN interacting with the other Ackles family members.  They were so happy to tell about their beautiful daughter.  

Most of the fans were ecstatic for the family.  Unfortunately, there were those who made heartless comments which were completely unnecessary.  

“How could they choose her?  She doesn’t look like them.”

“She’ll never fit in with them, she’s a different nationality.”

“She ruined a perfect family.”

Jensen saw that most of the comments were positive, but he knew that if YN saw the negative ones, her confidence in herself and her new family would be crushed.  They were too late.  She logged on and saw the hate comments and messages that she received personally since her parents tagged her in their posts.  They heard a shriek and turned around.  As they did, she ran through the house and up the stairs to her room.  

“Dammit.”  Jensen guessed what happened and followed his daughter.  He knocked on her door after a few minutes.  She didn’t answer, so he slowly opened the door.  “Sweetheart-”

“I’m not anyone’s sweetheart, Jensen.  I’m ugly, and I don’t belong with your family.  I’m so sorry I ruined it,” she cried.  He hugged her until she stopped her sobs.

“Who said those hateful things, YN?” He pulled her away from his chest so that she could read his serious face.

“People.”

“You’re right.  People that we don’t know.  Their opinions don’t matter even though it feels like they should.  It isn’t easy to ignore, I know that.  But I hope you give us a chance to show you that you aren’t any less valuable than the rest of us.  We are all part of this family.  Dee, me, JJ, the twins, and you.  We are a family.  Those people are not us.  Have we made those comments to you?”

“No, sir,”  she wiped a tear away.

“You’re right.  We haven’t because those statements aren’t true.  We love you so much.  We don’t care that you have a different color skin than we do.  You should be proud because that’s part of who you are.  Maybe you do look different on the outside, but the color of your heart is the same as ours.  That’s all Dee and I care about.”

“Are you sure?  I can go back to-”

“Hell no.  You aren’t going anywhere.  You are ours now.  You’re MY daughter, not the haters’.  Please remember that.”

“Okay,”  YN gave a small smile and leaned into her dad again.  “Thanks, Dad.” 

She called me Dad!

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[orionsangel86]

I totally agree with you on the meta writer drama. You guys don’t write the show, you just analyze it and come up with varying opinions so it’s not fair that ppl place such high expectations on you all. Also to everyone who reads, while this show is very special to many ppl and we all hold it close to our hearts, at the end of the day... it’s ultimately just a tv show guys. It is not worth fighting and stressing over because it’s just art meant to be enjoyed. Hope you have a good day!

PREACH

I hate bringing up wank. I really do. I’m one of those really annoying people who just wants everyone to get along and everything to be sunshine and rainbows ya know? 

But sometimes people let their emotions overtake any logical thought - well, it happens a lot, even to me - and when that happens they fail to realise that what they are posting about is actually really misguided and in those cases, especially when I think it feels like a personal attack against me and others I care about on here, then I wanna say something. 

I literally read a post not 10 minutes ago that someone linked me to, where this person was bitching about meta writers for being happy that Cas had died at the end of season 12. They were saying that we can’t be true Cas fans because we were happy about his death. It made me laugh tbh, because of course we weren’t happy for the character to have died and gone through that pain, but this is what I mean when I say that these people cannot separate their emotional response to the characters with the logical, analytical meta response.

Cas’s death made me cry ALOT. 12x23 had me balling, 13x01 has consistently had me in tears every. single. time. I watch it. Even now. If I was to put it on right now, I would be crying my eyes out because I am MOURNING my FAVOURITE CHARACTERS DEATH.

HOWEVER, from a meta perspective, Castiel’s death was the best thing to happen in SPN for a good few years. WHY? Well, here are some reasons:

1. Because we knew he was coming back. I have to stress this point. The ONLY reason I was so happy about Cas’s death was because I knew he was coming back. If I didn’t know that for certain, I wouldn’t have been happy. 

2. Because it symbolically makes him a phoenix, and the symbolism around Cas is that he has fought his way out of death, depression, PTSD, and a complete lack of self worth. Cas has come a HUGE way from that scene in 8x08 when he told Dean he was suicidal, to fighting against the cosmic entity DEMANDING to be sent back to earth because Cas had something to live for. It was fucking glorious. I obviously couldn’t have predicted 13x04 at the time of 12x23, but I KNEW from a meta viewpoint, that we were in for a treat.

3. Because it would mean a shit ton of beautiful mourning of Castiel from Dean. Because it would have shown Cas haters that they are SO WRONG when they say Dean doesn’t care. Again, I didn’t know exactly what to expect from Dean at the end of 12x23, other than the hint we got from his DEVASTATED expression. But I knew we would be in for something glorious. What we DID end up getting, was better than my wildest imaginations.

4. Because it would be HUGE brownie points for destiel. Now I know for a fact that meta haters are gonna come along and jump on me for saying that - “aahh look at her she’s such a cas hater, she only sees him as a plot device for destiel *angry shouts and yells bla bla bla*...” But lets be honest here, Cas dying was one of the best ways the show could have given Dean the kick up his ass he needed. Perhaps we aren’t quite done with this plot point yet, but my god the destiel exposition we were given from Dean’s grief over Cas was fucking perfect. 

5. Because I knew that by killing Cas off then, it would mean that he would get a happy ending for endgame. Lizzy said something (and got hate for it) back shortly after the season 12 finale, she said that she was still struggling to process how great it was that Cas died when he did, that the show went with that story line when it did, with at least another 2 seasons to go before the end, because Dean kneeling over a dead Castiel with burnt wing prints in the ground was literally Lizzy’s worst case scenario idea for how destiel would happen - in a “kill your gays” kinda way. Make it canon, but steal Cas away for the angst and manpain, leaving Dean alone. Its like the ultimate HORRIBLE ending right? So by giving that ending to us NOW, at the end of season 12, it TAKES AWAY THAT POSSIBILITY. From now on, we know that the show can’t repeat this. They can’t repeat that story line again. So by doing it when they did, and by then bringing Cas back, they have effectively killed off the worst case scenario ending. This makes me live.

6. Because it lead to a summer of glorious PR that was extremely Misha and Cas heavy and basically everyone rallied round to show their love for the character and for the actor and I have never been happier seeing so much Cas and Misha love in fandom and outside of it. It was fucking amazing and I had tears in my eyes so often I’m surprised they didn’t dry out. Plus it really pissed off the bibros/Cas haters. I mean, they were CONSTANTLY on the war path and it was so fucking hilarious. They even speculated that Misha would only come back as Jimmy or some shit like that and when I got told about that I once again had tears in my eyes but for a different reason.

Basically, Cas dying was a fantastic thing to happen at this point in the show. From a meta perspective of course. Also from a story perspective, because the wealth of character development that came from his death was almost astonishing. 

From an emotional point of view, yes, it was painful for me, as a Cas fan, to watch my fave die, to watch his body burn on a pyre, to watch his loved ones mourn him. It was so fucking emotional I struggled, but the meta kept me sane. Because I knew it was all worth it. Think of the wealth of Cas positivity we had both in-show and out of show. When for years we have been upset that Cas is always sidelined, always left out of PR, promo’s and photo shoots. Not anymore. Cas’s death made him front and center. I have never had a happier summer as a Cas girl than I did in 2017.

Anyway, sorry for going off on a tangent that was totally irrelevant to your ask, but reading that persons post got me annoyed. People that don’t understand meta and then go and hate on it really piss me off. 

You are right though. It is just a TV show. I wish people didn’t get so upset about things - I say this knowing full well I fall into this category myself. I think I am overly protective of other meta writers though, because I see them as my online “family”. They think the same way as me, they obsess over the same things, and pick apart the canon and discover new things about it that make it richer and more colourful. Meta brings so much more depth to the canon TV show, and for me, I guess, it is more than just a show for that reason. It’s a community, a passion, a family and a big part of my life. I love it. I always try not to let wank stress me out, but sometimes I feel I have to defend my turf ya know? Especially when the arguments being made against us are just completely without merit. 

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

At Least Three Sizes Too Large - On Dean and John's Old Leather Jacket

I know I've been writing about this topic a handful of times before, but it simply remains a topic I am interested in and that happens to cause a tidal wave of emotions every single time as - whether consciously chosen by the creator of "Supernatural" at the time or not - this piece of clothing serves as such a fitting symbol and metaphor for Dean's life from age 4 onwards. So what am I talking about - I guess the title of this post gave it away, didn't it? ;) But yes, it's John's old leather jacket. The huge, beat up, faded, bulky leather jacket that Dean used to wear up until S5. Now this may be a very unpopular opinion, but I always despised that jacket. And for more reasons than the obvious: that it didn't fit Dean at all. Though that aspect is a vital and integral part of why this clothing item serves as such a massive symbol for a multitude of things connected to Dean's story and his place in the narrative as well. Because you see, the first thing that catches ones attention when looking at Dean in the early seasons when wearing that jacket is that it simply looks at least three sizes too big for Dean. The shoulders of the jacket don't sit on Dean's shoulders, it reaches far below his hips and just overall it looks as if Dean's getting swallowed in all the material. Essentially that jacket not only makes Dean disappear almost, he looks lost in it. And he does so for good reason. His father was taller, had broader shoulders, was a very different built than Dean, he filled out that jacket. None of that can be said about Dean when looking at S1 for example where the fact that this jacket was not meant for Dean or rather that Dean didn't buy it himself (unlike the purgatory jacket, but more on that later) is most striking. Now the following is total headcanon, but I like to think that John passed down the jacket to Dean as a form of "recognition" or "act of pride" (I can't quite find the right for word in English), basically a gift for Dean doing a great job with something, something like a sign that for Dean was connected with being valued, accepted and "a man" maybe to say it very broadly. Essentially I think to Dean that moment of receiving that jacket may have fallen together with a moment of pride and a sign of "love" and "attention" and "recognition" from his father that he craved. Keeping this headcanon in mind, Dean wearing that old jacket, turns tragic rather fast - but then again, that may be just me as I am simply someone tending to focus on the drama/tragedy/more serious aspects of the narrative. Because while the jacket may have been meant as an honest gift out of the wish to show pride to his son, in the end to me this jacket symbolizes and highlights in such intricate fashion that Dean from the age 4 - and as he verbalized latest in 12x22 "Who We Are" - had to be so much more than any kid should ever have to be. Because the way I see it, the fact that Dean is swallowed by that jacket and disappears in it almost is so telling and fitting to how Dean was forced to fill a role and walking in shoes two sizes too big - or rather a leather jacket at least three sizes too large - that he never could have. Yes that jacket to me symbolizes and captures the much too big responsibilty that was placed on Dean's shoulder when he was a kid and was asked to serve as mom, dad and brother when he wasn't even double digits - something any person would be overwhelmed by at any age but especially so when you are a child yourself. So yeah, the fact that the jacket literally didn't fit Dean and was passed down to him by his father (which is headcanon yes but bear with me) can be read as a direct pass down of "role" as well, a role not meant for Dean to play and fill, but that he tried to take up anyway, because that's what Dean did and what he still does (though not as much as he used to, now it's more that people try and manipulate him back into being what they want him to be because it's easier for them, see Dean's treatment by his loved ones such as Mary over the course of S12): trying his best no matter the circumstance and how unfair for him. So the sheer size, the fact that Dean couldn't fill his father's jacket captures all of the above perfectly imo, furthermore however the fact that Dean practically swims in that jacket, as I said - seems to disappear in it - also describes rather disturbingly what happened to Dean after his mom died and his grieving father was unable to provide the love and nurture a growing kid like Dean after such a traumatic loss would have needed: Because with Mary's death and what was asked of Dean and of what he needed to be and become, Dean the child ("Hunters are never kids, I never was"), Dean himself, the person he truly is or would have grown to become without the tragedy that followed his family ever since he was born, disappeared, was swallowed up and hidden like Dean's body was swallowed by John's jacket. I know many people mourn the departure of that jacket (I actually secretly thank the person who stole it from set lol), but to me it couldn't come soon enough. Because even though Dean is no longer wearing that jacket, it's ghost still lingers on - even as far as into S12. It's also noteworthy how Dean used that leather jacket aside from simply wearing it - which was as a blanket. To me it almost carries a notion of "armor" in that regard, something like a "safety blanket" - which is especially an interesting aspect to ponder when keeping in mind that we see Dean sleeping fully clothed after Hell (the implications and conclusions drawn from that aspect alone are freaking devastating, I tell you) and often times using the jacket as his blanket. One may analyze that as a wish for (fatherly) protection that Dean didn't receive and I won't even go into how this whole topic gets all the more complex when taking into account how Dean later learns that his father did not break, when Dean did and what that does to Dean's psyche and already more than fragile sense of self and self worth. Tbh I actually was happy when Dean packed up John's jacket when he decided to say yes to Michael (though you can draw a hell of a lot of very sad conclusions here too about how Dean sees himself and how important he deems himself opposed to his father or Sam), as one could have read it as him rejecting a persona and role he was forced to fill - BUT the reason why and how it happens is so tragic because essentially saying yes accounts to suicide for Dean, meaning he gives up playing his father's role to literally give up his body to an archangel and giving up himself completely. There is nothing not absolutely tragic and sad and enraging about this, because Dean gives himself up again and again within SPN (that's why he's the true christ figure and will always be). Needless to say the jacket is right back in 5x22 "Swan Song" (if I remember correctly, I can't check as I'm siting on the train - if he isn't wearing the jacket there just scratch all of this paragraph) when he goes and tries to get through to Sam and protects his brother and stands with him, tries to keep him safe right until the end - the one thing both of his parents always failed at: keeping Sam and Dean safe. And once more in that moment as the whole episode with Chuck's monologue fro the off and the story of the Impala replays the Winchesters' story alongside the Impala's and engraved into that is also the story of Dean, a young boy, who tried to be mother and father when all he should have had to be was himself, because just that, being Dean would have been more than enough. So yeah, I was happy when that jacket was gone, even if Dean wasn't freed and still isn't from it's symbolic power. That is why I loved it so much to see the next leather jacket he wore after he abandoned his father's (even if maybe only because it was lost BTS) was in S7. You know, that gorgeous reddish-brown one that sadly didn't survive purgatory (and even that you could analyze outside of the fact that the creators didn't like the look of it on screen - idiots they are - with Dean being stripped off everything in purgatory). But the fact remains: Dean at some point during S7 went out to buy himself a leather jacket, a conscious decision. A leather jacket just for him. A leather jacket that fit. That he wasn't swallowed by but that he owned, a leather jacket that highlighted just one simple thing: that it was Dean's. Because being Dean is all Dean should ever have had to be.