#are the same cause of death. on the other hand death from falling isn't specified despite it being distinct from the others and the prince

[balteus]

yea actually i think the author of raybearer is bent on messing with me specifically

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

😈

5 and... jaytimkon??? (For the drabble prompts)

Jpeg fr the things I would do for a jaytimkon from you akfjslajdlaja

-@bi-bats

I haven't drabbled much into jaytimkon territory, but i'll do it for you, beloved <];)

"So how long have you two been married?"

It comes out of Jason's mouth as a joke. Or, at least, he means it as a joke. He expects a scoff or an eyeroll or maybe a besotted smile. He isn't quite sure what to do with the startled look Kon gives him.

"What?" the guy asks, stupidly thick lashes fluttering in abashment. His cheeks go pink and Jason gets the sense he's resisting the urge to fan his face like a scandalized genteel woman.

Jason nods his head towards the door that Tim had just left through after walking in, saying, "Do you-" and promptly getting handed exactly what he needed from Kon without having to specify what it was. It isn't the first time it's happened since the two of them have set up shop at the little basement coffee station - separate, of course, from Tim's regular coffee station up in his living area - waiting for Tim to work his genius.

It's kind of magical the way they operate on the same wavelength - finishing each other's sentences, knowing what the other needs, vollying inside jokes back and forth too fast for Jason to even pretend to keep up. It makes some kind of longing crawl up in his throat. So he teases instead of saying Can I get in on that? Instead of saying Stop doing that before I start uncontrollably sobbing. Instead of saying Who do I have to kill to get me a bitch like that?

Kon stutters out, "We're not- that's- why would you-"

"Oh my god, breathe," Jason orders, taking pity on him. "I was messing with you. I just meant that you two practically share a brain. It's kinda freaky. But also...kinda cool."

Kon looked down and shrugged. "Just known each other a long time. Lotta missions, lotta near-death experiences. Watching Santa get blown up together probably had something to do with it."

"You- what?"

"It's whatever." Kon waves a dismissive hand through the air. "We're close, but - I dunno. You bats have something else entirely going on. I'm sure you understand him better than I do."

"Oh, come on," he can't help but protest. "Just 'cause we're both bats doesn't mean we have some kinda psychic connection. If we could communicate the way the two of you do, we'd all beat each other up a lot less."

"No, seriously," Kon insists, face open and imploring in a way that makes Jason want to cover him with a blanket so no one else can catch him like that. "Sometimes I think he's the alien, but then I hear how he talks about you, the way all of you guys work together, and it's- it's a little cult-y, but it's also really cool? Like you guys have a secret language. Plus, it doesn't hurt that he's been obsessed with you for, like, ever, so there's kind of that hero worship thing going on, and you're actually smart enough to keep up with the stuff he talks about and-"

There's something in Kon's voice that tickles the back of his brain, something between He talks about me? and 'Batclan Cult Allegations.' It sounds stretched thin and bittersweet and tense. The pieces fall together faster than he can relegate them.

"Wait a minute," he interupts. "Are you jealous? Of me?"

The idea is bizarre, absurd, unthinkable. It makes a little bird flutter around in his stomach, but he isn't sure whether that has more to do with the lovely, mysterious creature in the next room over or the goregous, good-natured creature in front of him.

Kon shrugs again, refusing to meet Jason's gaze. "Who wouldn't be?"

A warmth surges in his gut, rushing to his palms in a way that makes him want to reach out and share the heat. He puts several years of laborious therapy to use and decides to take a chance.

"And here I was, all green with envy over watching the two of you together."

And once those ethereal blue eyes lock onto his, Jason can't look away.

"Maybe if we put our heads together," he continues, hoping Kon can hear all the things he isn't saying as well, "We can parse out what the hell Tim is talking about all the time, 'cause I don't have a fuckin' clue."

The laughter that earns him sounds like bells. And when Tim walks in and asks, "What's so funny?" the two of them share a knowing look, something just between them.

[errgodic]

————— Throwing mental spaghetti at @suresly last night got me thinking about Jyggalag's Great Library. There aren't many indicators as to how far his knowledge went, but we do have this quote from Dyus :

The great library was the height of logic and deduction. Contained within its walls were the logical prediction of every action ever taken by any creature, mortal or Daedric. Every birth. Every death. The rise of Tiber Septim. The Numidium. Everything. All predicted with the formulae found within Jyggalag's library. When Sheogorath discovered the library he had it burned, insisting that it was an abomination and that personal choice defied logical prediction. I am all that remains of the knowledge contained within the great library of Jyggalag.

Based on this, we DO know that Jyggalag's knowledge rides solely on logic, order, and deduction. We DO NOT know what Jyggalag qualifies as 'logic, order, and deduction'. Sure, Jyggalag is ( /was ) the Daedric Prince of Order, but his version of order in and of itself could subjectively be called 'chaotic'. Conquest may have rules, but there is no order in war. How would this affect his calculations? What does he seek when he says, 'order' ?

We DO know that there were predictions based on these subjective criteria and that many of these predictions did come to pass. All that said, we DO NOT know their true accuracy. Yes, he knew every birth, but how far did his predictions go? Did he know the names and faces? Did he know the parents? Did he keep track of the moons for the Khajiit? His demeanor implies that he wouldn't care to. How extensively did he look at death? Did his predictions go all the way back to indirect causes ( ex: prolonged exposure to a specific plant in childhood making someone more susceptible to the illness that ultimately claimed their life ), or was everyone a statistic with no further meaning beyond what they could contribute to his numbers game? Events can be predicted through careful calculation, yes, but the world is filled with prophets who only speak of their successes. Were all of Jyggalag's predictions accurate, or only the ones we know about? With that in mind, what does that mean for his initial transformation into Sheogorath? Could he feel the Madgod taking over the same way that the Madgod can feel him? Does the battle between the two ever really stop?

The Sword of Jyggalag alone kind of implies that the Daedric Prince of Order did have access to all knowledge. However, the purpose of his library isn't really specified. Who would be reading from it? Surely, it wasn't him; he has his own ways of knowing these things. It was by his hand that the library and the sword were created. The only 'BENEFIT' that a place like this would bring to someone else is limited foresight, but there is little order in that. The only other answer could be governmental.

In a lot of ways, Sheo was right to burn the library. Because even if everything that Jyggalag ever predicted came to pass, even if he knew every single event in the history and future of Mundus and Oblivion, even if he were never wrong;

none of it really matters.

Jyggalag did little more than document turbulence, ergodicity, and chaos. All that he has ever been or was ever meant to be was the tether for chaos—destined to stay in one immovable place as his real self flies at whim, spinning around and around and around, just to get wound up and fall back into merciless entropy.

[spilledjelly]

Another writing from Jelly because I just had a wonderful dream

I wanna specify that I am still very much not a writer but I just didn't feel like drawing at the moment and needed to get this out somehow

---------------------------------------------------

"So you're..." The knight had sat across the player, watching as Joe had tried to wipe drying blood from his clothes and body, "You're sure that it isn't just them being moved to spectator mode?"

There was a shakey sigh. "I'm sure. You know, when they asked me to be admin to just watch over the event, I never expected things to go like this." Joe had given up on trying to clean himself. Holding the blood covered rag in his hand as he looked up to the knight.

"Joe.... there's already been more than ten deaths now."

"I know."

"You just killed another player."

"That's kind of how I figured it out."

"We need to tell the others."

---------------------------------------------------

"Dude!- Dude!!" The redstoner yelled, only getting laughter in response. He couldn't help but laugh himself. Ironic, that the way he'd lose the game because of Grian.

Grian had been so close to ending the other as well. He knew the other wouldn't have made it very far in the game either way. Raising the crossbow aiming directly for the mustached man-

"Grian wait stop!! Don't kill him!" Voices had called out, causing the two to turn to the small crowd.

"Gem?" Grian asked raising a brow. It wasn't like he was doing anything wrong. This was the entire premise of the game wasn't it?

Eyes danced over a bloody Joe and worry began to set in. Joe... wasn't suppose to be playing. Why was he in the game?

Joe was the next one to speak, supporting an injured Tango. "The- I messed up somehow- the bodies aren't suppose to stoll be here." It sounded like he had been running. "They're actually dying. Don't- you'll kill Mumbo."

Grian could feel his heart drop. Looking over to Mumbo would show the same terrified and shocked expression.

Oh no. What had they done?

---------------------------------------------------

"Oh come on guys this isn't fair!" Scar had whined trying to avoid the two in front of him.

"It's every man for himself mate. It's just the game!" Mumbo was grinning ear to ear.

"Then why are you guys just targeting me!" The builder just narrowly avoided the arrow from Grian's crossbow.

"You started it! You almost killed me!" Grian was readying his crossbow again, continuing the playful chase they'd been on for a few minutes now.

If he were honest, Scar didn't know how much longer he had. He was properly cornered. Which, maybe he shouldn't have tried to go for Grian while they were scavenging together.

Either way the thought was quickly killed. And with a hard push on his back, so was he.

Falling down into the opened ground in front of him.

Looking back to see his friends once more,

Before everything went dark.

[bearpillowmonster]

Horizon Zero Dawn Review

The game that critics have been raving about for years and I just haven't played. I heard a lot of people say "this needs a movie" but they say that about any game that dares to be a little bit cinematic because I personally disagree.

That first part is rough, the story seems so in your face, predictable and bland but I think the problem is that it didn't know how to put in its exposition. I think it naturally builds up as it goes on, getting bigger and broader, it's just those first experiences that can be a slog because you're pretty much learning what style you're going to play in.

I got more or less everything I expected, crafting, a skill tree, various weapons. What I didn't expect though are dialogue options. You can choose normally up to four paths, an intelligent one, a compassionate one, and a straightforward one. You don't have to worry about the stress of trying to reach a specific ending because there's really only one, the only thing that affects it is the amount of people that are in it. So does that make the choices irrelevant? Yes and no because there are different dialogue options and like I said, which means that you can get certain characters to like you more given the option you choose but not in the same way that relationship points work and I definitely felt the draw to do that whenever I came across my first side-quest.

Side-quests are interesting, I love tracking things in games, though it's rare that you actually get the chance to do it and here you have a good amount of opportunities. Is that all though? Far from it. I actually found myself searching for side-quests because the first two were so satisfying. It really only began to show its hand a bit more after those quests. As I mentioned, there are a lot more RPG elements than I first imagined but it starts to send you on scavenger hunts, especially that Dreamwillow one, that one I actually laughed out loud at every time I was turned away. It also starts to gatekeep to where it recommends that you be a certain level which is...odd? I mean at face value it looks like you could rock basically any combat situation that isn't context sensitive. Leveling up gives you abilities but they're more like Deus Ex on that front, where it's just for preference and upgrading, not necessarily strength. The only thing you improve on offense wise basically boils down to having the right materials or units to buy weapons then a matter of finding modifications. Other than that, leveling up seems to just increase your health. It really just depends on the quest too because I'll play one above my level and be fine then play another that's actually under my level and feel stuck.

Now I only played it on normal mode so something like "Ultra Hard" is bound to be more demanding but as far as actual side quest content, I feel like they have potential but just need tweaked, give me more stuff for major characters that affects their standing with me. Rather than having each quest be contained in its own story, have it affect you later in the game, let your actions be shown, give it rewards and consequences. There are some really great side-quests but there are also some crappy ones, it doesn't pass that threshold that most RPGs fall under or anything. However, I did find myself doing side-quests at my own free will and the ones that I didn't like or couldn't do at the time, I just skipped and focused on something else, I felt a lot more freedom with this game, like I didn't feel forced to grind or do a certain number of side-quests or really do anything. It encourages you to explore and play the way you want to play and I respect the heck out of that. Maybe it's different for other players though.

Perhaps my favorite actual side thing was the Cauldrons for those who actually played this, you'll know why. For those who didn't, just know that it's cool and let it be a surprise for when you go to one. You might expect these big set-pieces and bosses like Uncharted or GoW, but it's not really like that. I genuinely think that this is more video-gamey than it lets on which certainly takes up its runtime. One addition to side-quests that I would like to see is one where you don't know it's happening. For example, in this game, you'll come across random hunters who are attacking or being attacked by machines but rather than just going on about your day and them going on about their's, I want to fight off the machine and the person say "You saved my life, my name's Jara, I live in the town nearby and want to repay you." so you go there and there's trouble so it starts up a side-quest. Now don't get me wrong, there are PLENTY of instances of people getting attacked actually being a mission but most of the time someone in town will just tell you "I haven't seen this person in a while, can you go check on them for me?" It's the art of subtlety and also just doing a good deed and getting rewarded for it. It's a conscious choice and split decision rather than just another checkmark on your list to complete.

Now I won't bother listing the characters and rating them but there's a certain aspect that has me really enthused So, Aloy is an outcast and a lot of these side missions and scenarios reflect her, you'll see the way she can relate with other characters, making it almost poetic in a subliminal kind of way. Then they add this tribal and futuristic setting to it where Aloy acts as the medium, there are parts of the game where she questions the tribe because they cut themselves off from technology and just don't know any better and we as a viewer know that but having the main character view things in 'our' lens is pretty genius. To top that off, they give her enough personality to be her own character while giving us enough power to influence her so that we ourselves can REFLECT WITH HER. It's not her character that I'm impressed with, it's the layout of the story.

So, how is the main story? It's kind of like the Flood scenario in Halo if I'm being honest. I'm not going to spoil anything but it's passable, like I said, it's not like an Uncharted and it's not like a movie. The visuals just look good at times (I took all the pictures in this review myself and so much more!). I'd call it a futuristic/tribal mix between Shadow of the Tomb Raider and Skyrim but I see elements of a lot of things. (Also since it's post apoctalypic, you find items that we see in modern day, like how they call keys, "chimes"! They think they're windchimes because there are no more cars! I love that!)

It actually does a pretty good job at being an open world considering that there are tons of things to do on your routes as well as collect but it's not so much so that it seems unfeasible, as I said, I found myself doing a good chunk of the side stuff just because it was fun to do and I'm not even close to a completionist for any game. If you mess up, healing plants will still be there. As long as you save, enemy parts will still be there. A place can be cleared out and conquered so that enemies don't come back. The actual towns are peaceful so you can't get mangled by any bots outside of scripted instances.

The graphics are pretty good but I can see some error here and there, nothing necessarily game breaking but the animations and AI are definitely janky at times. It's pretty obvious from the get-go but I'll do my best to specify and give constructive criticism on what I found wrong with certain aspects of the game. Rost is slow, like slower than walking speed but that's not to speak for all NPCs, some run, some you don't need to follow, it was really just him. I've had NPCs who fight but miss every single time on simple enemies (that might not be a bug, that might just be a funny bit that someone decided to add in). Sabretooths have jumped through walls (granted the walls were kinda broken but I'm not sure if those big boys can fit when they can barely find the entrance) I found myself jumping to a ledge or on a rope but not land it and just drop (it really boils down to loosening the hit box for that). Which to add on to that, I would like more places to climb and jump to in general (other than stupid mountains). I felt like there wasn't really enough that I could climb and the places that I could, could've been a bit more obvious that I could, maybe even make it viewable with your focus if you don't want it to be visually outstanding. There's a day and night cycle and while I like that, I found some of the contrast to be annoying because I could be staring a ladder right in the face and not even know it sometimes because it would be so dark. I'm not going to complain too much about it because I didn't turn my brightness up, I just left it at default and I would assume the PS5 version fixes some of those little things.

Now, this one is kind of a gray area: Hiking up mountains. Skyrim, Fallout, and Death Stranding went too far and gave little to no barriers. They had you looking for sweet spots that weren't there in order to cheese your way through an area either on or off a beaten path. But I would compare this to something like GTA where it's not as bad and does have its limits but might need tightened up some more because I can certainly get to places that lead to nowhere.

I've made headshots that don't make contact or damage while using precision. Part of that problem was that they could be high up in a tower (which have spikes sticking out) and I would hit ABOVE the logs, to make a headshot but since it was in that vicinity, it registered that as the spikes' hitbox so it wouldn't cause any damage and just alert the enemy (same if I was in the tower, looking down). Input lag where I hit up button on the D-Pad to regain health and I have to keep pressing it. If I had to guess, you have to meet the requirements of not taking damage, staying still, etc in order for it to actually work but it doesn't really have a reason to do that and it doesn't "tell" you that those are the requirements (as far as I know).

During the final boss, one of the enemies hit me into a rock wall, trapping me inside of it and the boss was already half health so I really didn't want to have to restart (I also didn't know how far back the checkpoint was) so I kept shooting stuff and eventually the boss destroyed the wall, allowing me to get out (timed section, by the way). There have been a few times where a tree or leaf or something is obstructing a cutscene and sometimes there will be a mech in the background screaming over the NPC talking, which I'm sure is due to the cutscenes being real-time which is still pretty impressive. Now are these errors all the time? No, not at all, I'm just pointing out that some times these things happened and that I felt it needed ironed out but I wouldn't call this half baked or an unfinished product or anything, it's nowhere near that level. I get that there are so many NPCs that it's hard to account for them all with facial animations but whenever they're talking, it seems pretty static and sometimes the lips don't line up. There's this one guy who says that he got lost in a sandstorm but he's standing in snow. Again, little nitpicks in an otherwise great game.

Now, I got this game for free as a Playstation promotion but that doesn't necessarily mean it'll be great, I played a little bit of that Ratchet & Clank reboot that was offered and I wasn't impressed, I quit after the first few worlds and was glad I didn't buy it at launch, (despite being a classic PS2 R&C fan) but we're not here to review that. I also played Abzu and loved it but it was short so it was definitely worth a play but maybe not 60$ (I actually think it's 20$ at this point though). With this game, it's the whole complete edition with DLC and everything, it has the length, so it really just boils down to "Would I have spent money on it otherwise?"

I think I would've if I knew more about it because I think it just got better and better after that first part of the game. It's marketed a bit differently than what I ended up getting but I found myself pouring hours into this game and loving it for one reason or another. I actually bought Shadow of the Colossus along with it (which is considered a cult classic) but I liked Horizon so much better, definitely worth its full price in my opinion. (So your promotion worked on me Sony, congrats) It has its problems but the potential is there and I feel like a sequel would probably iron out a lot of my troubles with it, so it's definitely a franchise worth investing into.

If you're interested in what I thought of the DLC alone (if you didn't get the Ultimate edition and are wondering if the extra content is worth it) I have a separate post that goes into that here.

[iamcinema]

IAC Reviews #19: Wishbone (2000)

Hey, is anyone still alive out there? I hope so.

Coming off of last year was a disaster, and well, we didn't enter 2021 on the highest of notes. I guess you could say I've been burned out and not having a ton of motivation to do a lot, even with how much I've been grinding on Letterboxd over the past few months. I think I'm ready to come back, and since there's a storm is brewing outside, let's make today a movie night...and boy, do I have a treat for you.

I think I've made it kind of apparent that I have a weakness for terrible, low-budget, trash fires. There's something oddly charming about them where they always find a way to lure me in, and given the scene on Letterboxd, there's a bunch of SOV masochists out there waiting to get their next fix. While digging around for material to cross off my lists on titles to find and add, I was reminded of a terrible, low-budget film that was shot in my hometown over 20 years ago. I'm full of fear for what's to come, and you should be too.

________________________________________

Wishbone is a 2000 horror film directed by Timothy Gaer and co-created by Michael Fasciana, centering on a woman named Laurie who receives an unusual artifact from her eccentric aunt she acquired from a pawn dealer that causes those around her to disappear when they make wishes on it. Hmm, seems simple enough. Let's what we're in for, and I'm absolutely not ready because the IMDb page says this shit is over two hours long, despite a version on Youtube having it just a bit over 90 minutes. Let us pray.

Wishbone in One Gif:

This acting is might be the death of me, but I'm not sure what's going to be the catalyst that causes me to fall down the stairs and break my neck: the sound quality, the weird editing, or the music...oh, god what the fuck is the music doing? So much noise, noise noise!

Okay, so let's dig into this before I take too long of a break and I don't come back to this. I've already had to pause the movie a few times to catch my breath or just rewind and go back because there's a good amount that I keep missing because, apparently, the star of the film is the score and not Laurie. This is so, so slow. I've seen a lot of long horror movies, but at least with those, it feels like things are happening. Even Blood Lake had filler that did something to some degree, and with that, it was consistently bad. This movie doesn't even know what it wants to do. So, as a disclaimer, there's a good chance I'm probably missing some key details that I didn't hear because it seems that characterization isn't important if the music insists on talking over everyone.

________________________________________

So, to date, this might be one of the worst horror movies (and movies in general) that I've ever seen and it might be one of the slowest things in the entire megaverse. This is over 90 minutes of, somehow, nothing and something happening simultaneously - if that makes any sense.

This takes its sweet ass time moving along and there's so little pay-off. The majority of the characters are either nameless or we aren't introduced to them in a way that matters enough for us to care about them. It's kind of like with Violent Shit and other low-budget slasher films where the majority of the characters serve no purpose but to be disposable. Next to the two main leads, Laurie and Joe, and maybe a few others, everyone is just forgettable and even then I couldn't honestly tell you anyone's name if it was explicitly brought up. IMDb isn't helpful either, and at this point it just makes me care even less. I'm not sure if my patience has been tested too much with this, but it's kind of sad that I'm more invested in seeing what the background characters are doing than Laurie and Joe - even though I can't really hear what the hell they're saying.

Yeah, I really can't move on without talking about the sound and the music. Why is it always the audio with these movies? This has an estimated budget of $100,000, or $154,779.43 today in August 2021. How do you have the ability to somehow not make this look like a potato for the most part, well for the day shots that is, but you don't have it in you to get a good mic and someone who knows how to mix and edit correctly? I would sort of understand if you spent the majority of the money on talent to cut corners, but this is just ridiculous. Did they use the cameras' built-in mics to catch the audio here?

I feel like I need to interrupt the movie constantly to tell them to speak up because if I turn up the volume, I'm just getting bombarded with this really weird soundtrack that doesn't fit. I shit you not, during one of the kill scenes, the music booming over it sounds like it was ripped from Kevin MacLeod's "lounge" library and then the reverse happens where ominous music is playing over a more touching scene - and that's not even a dig at Kevin as an artist. That's just how inappropriate and unfitting this editing is. The weird fucking thing about this specific kill scene is that it sounds like the audio is stacked, so there are two different instrumental tracks going on.

How do you fuck something as basic as tension up like that? The audio choices are so painfully inconsistent and it doesn't know what it wants to do. There are moments where you can hear the dialogue just fine, but then the music comes in out of nowhere to segway us into the next scene and it starts to muffle things out. If it isn't that, then the dialogue is just so soft that you'd think there was a pillow on the mic or we're hearing them from the opposite side of a sound-dampened room.

This is what I meant earlier when I said I apologize in advance if I miss anything crucial because I can't make out half of these conversations. So, I'm having to keep going back if I care enough or just having to pause and take breaks because there's only so much I can handle. This means that there's a good amount I'll blank on because I have to keep going back because I can't remember the majority of these no-named characters. Who the fuck are you people? Why am I supposed to care?

If I'm understanding the non-existent rules of the wishbone, you're connected to whoever dies in some way. So, why is any of this relevant to what's going on? If it's random, then it's another reason for me not to care just because some frat kids made a wish at some point. Again, who the hell are you and why am I supposed to lament over them? Why is there so much useless filler here? Did I mention that this is over 90 minutes long and there are *three* fucking party scenes? Party scenes are to Wishbone as ten-minute-long jetskiing and beer game scenes are to Blood Lake.

Oh, speaking of other shit that's annoying. Let's talk about general editing because the sound isn't the only thing that's a mess here.

I swear that almost every single scene in this ends with a fade-out/fade-in shot. Only one or two scenes come to mind where this doesn't happen, and the first time it did I thought my browser was freezing because it abruptly cut to black and then smash cuts to a party scene. I've never, ever seen a movie that abused this that much before and it's on par with something I would have seen made by a bunch of high school kids. So, when we have a moment where this doesn't happen and it plays out normally, it feels like a breath of fresh air. I'm sure this movie's run time could have been shaved down by at least a minute or two if this wasn't a problem, along with all the useless close-up shots that serve nothing to the plot.

It's such a waste of time. I'm so fucking tired. How was this movie's budget $100k? Did they spend most of it on renting the Scranton Police Department for a few shots or did it go towards their impromptu trip to Party City? I'm so tired and I don't care anymore.

Do you want to know what the real kicker is? With just barely twenty minutes left, the whole lore about the monkey's wishbone paw comes back and that's when Laurie and her friend Karen think something is weird. Isn't this whole realization trope that happens within the first or second act, not now with your Great Value brand version of the Dream Warriors?

Also, it's not specified how much time has gone by since the start, but it has to have been at least a week or two. It's incredibly weird how they paint the main characters and the unnamed background ones as such good friends that they don't think it's weird how almost all of them have disappeared - especially one girl who doesn't seem off-put that her boyfriend (or ex) disappeared after getting into an argument at one of the parties and none of his friends could reach him either at his own house.

The final showdown is an utter pain in the ass to get through because the conflict ends as abruptly as it starts and it's so unsatisfying. We get to see the face of our villain, I guess, and then more or less cut to our leads holding hands down the street set to the same looping lounge music we've been dealing with for over 90 damn minutes. Is everyone else who went with them dead? Did they live? Who cares! That's one thing the movie and I can agree on since we never see them again. We end on a shitty cliffhanger that's supposed to prepare us for a sequel, which thankfully never happened.

________________________________________

And that was Wishbone. Holy fucking shit, I've never been so thankful for a movie to be over in my life. It's 11:07 PM as of tinkering with some minor revisions and I've been in purgatory with this for over five hours, and yet, it feels like an entire lifetime has gone by.

I've raved about how bad Blood Lake was with its incredibly bad pacing, but this is next level awful and a testament to bad filmmaking if I've ever seen it. I expect a lot of the things I complained about from super amateur filmmakers who are shooting on an actual shoestring budget, not people who had that much money to fuck around with. How did they have that kind of a budget, and the most they can give us is bad audio, Windows Movie Maker levels of basic editing, three wrap parties, and a few crumbs of gore that we could see?

This was physically painful to see and I'm in much worse shape having endured it than I would have been if I sat through something liked Boardinghouse, and that has a two-and-a-half-hour-long version tied to it. This is just a marvel and I mean that in a so-bad-it's-bad way, not like how SOV enthusiasts who love this stuff pine over. If I had to give one thing going for it, one single granule of gold that I enjoyed from this, it's the limited shots we get of the area so I could make a game out of seeing what local spots I recognized. If playing I Spy is the only way for someone to endure your movie, then I don't know what else to say.

Wishbone is a hot mess where shit's happening, but also nothing is happening at the same time. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. In fact, I wish this movie never existed or would die in the ether and never return to our mortal realm ever again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have a smoke and hope I don't get run over by a hearse tomorrow.

RATING: 0.5/10