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shattered-catalyst · 4 years

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OCD Subtypes for the RPC

Part 1 is here

Well well well, we are back for Part 2 of the Roleplayer’s Guide to OCD.

Fellow Ocd Folks, I see you in those tags and I'm going to do my best to ensure those obsessions are represented here- BUT understand that physically it is not going to be possible to list every single one because I am one person. Regardless its incredibly brave of you all to rb and add things in the tags, I know its hard to talk about this shit and I see you. I see you.

Resultantly I typed this out and posted it in formatting to assist with accessibility in mind; if you cannot read it still ( I tried Im sorry!) i recommend the copy and paste method or getting the chrome extension bee-line reader.

There will be grammatical and spelling mistakes. Im sure spacing is odd some places, but you have to understand doing this is extremely anxiety provoking for me so Im just getting it done when I can.

Remember to use your critical thinking; not everyone has the same symptoms/compulsions/triggers and all that.

OCD is fluid. Its like liquid mercury. One day its a handful of subtypes another day its another different serving.

If you are in general squicked about certain topics even by mention read ahead with your own judgement. Remember us folks that have OCD have many disturbing and distressing experiences so if you are writing a character who has OCD and you can’t read about it just don’t give them that obsessive thought/ compulsion. Make sure writing is still a safe and enjoyable hobby for yourself first and foremost.

But ethically and morally I cannot and will not leave out the more disturbing bits. You have the ability to scroll by, I and many others do not get the chance to escape triggering content that our own mind creates.

So read ahead with your best judgement or at least skip around the squicky parts and educate yourself on what OCD is so people quite using it as a Obsessive Christmas/Corgi/Cat Disorder thing. Alright? Cool beans.

Okay so you made it passed post 1 and got under the read more. Give yourself a gold star for diving into this monster of a document.

Below is a crash course it is not meant to replace actual psychoeducation, personal research, or google. Honestly most of us do our research extensively but because OCD is treated so horribly by social media, media, and society in general.

I wasn’t sure where to throw these together because the education tools to learn fully about OCD are very specialized and thus very restricted. I found that many people DO have these experiences with OCD though so I will represent them throughout. I’ll also sprinkle some of my own experiences so you can get a good reference of a person who has the disorder and not just a randomly generated person.

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So OCD is made up of Obsessions, Trigger, Intrusive thought, Misinterpretation/feared consequence,Somatic and Psychological Anxiety, and Compulsions/Rituals.

Your character may not be able to list all of these. In fact if they aren't in ERP therapy they may not be able to puzzle these things out. But YOU as the writer should know them. Your character won’t be walking around talking to just ANYONE that they have OCD. Remember a huge aspect of OCD is it’s Shame. The disorder makes us feel intense shame regarding our intrusive thoughts, as a result OCD goes undiagnosed for years especially if it has pediatric onset.

We won’t tell anyone what we are experiencing or why we are doing x y or z. We act like nothing is wrong because to emotionally react is to admit to yourself- and therefore the world- that you have had this intrusive thought and are therefore by virtue a horrible person.[For further information I would suggest also researching PANDAS].

It may be noticeable if your character has an intrusive thought. They may wince or grimace or roll their eyes certainly, but they won’t open up to Joe at the cafe about how their brain is constantly torturing them. I apparently have a very noticeable eye twitch.

Depending on the nature of the intrusive thought it will get more or less of a reaction out of me. Its usually dependent on how distressing the intrusive thought is and/or if its a new one.

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You see OCD doesn’t sit still. It never looks the same. You’ll have your long haul intrusive thoughts that are with you for years but then you’ll have weird ass ones that just appear and demand their voice be heard yelling about cars hitting people or squirrels getting eaten.

Some people have similar ones! So while everyone is different there will always be someone out there with an intrusive thought similar to yours.

For instance; I bonded emotionally with a lady on reddit because we both have intrusive thoughts during storms that animals and the homeless are dying. We were both horribly relieved to find another person and also distressed that every snow or rain storm brings horrible images and whispers to your mind that while you are warm and snug in bed someone is freezing to death. And its all your fault.

Some days are better than others. As with all mental illnesses it isn’t CONSTANT ALARM BELLS. Some days it will be all alarms and other days it will be like a gentle whisper on the breeze. You can almost not notice it. Almost.

Obsessive thoughts run the gauntlet from ‘i will/could have/may/may accidentally harm etc’ something that you hold of value. This is any obsessive thought that you have: you think about repeatedly and not by choice, it is very anxiety provoking, it is unwanted, and unwelcome.

Mine run the scale from ‘squirrel will be murdered’ to ‘being responsible for harm’.

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object. In short, compulsions and rituals are not fun. they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder.

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To emphasize from post 1: magical thinking and the faulty link between thoughts and actions are hallmarks of OCD. Magical thinking can be anything from contamination to if I turn around three times or stare really hard at something the bad thing wont happen. Sounds weird and is weird and we know it is thats why its a disorder and not a delusion.

The faulty belief that thought=action is the biggest hurdle it is incredibly difficult to grasp, at least for me maybe some of you that have done further ERP can attest, that the mere concept of a thought not being the same as an action is completely and totally mind blowing.

Free will? Yeah thats terrifying. IDK about anyone else but free will is absolutely terrifying; what do you mean i could do anything i wanted?

Thats how you face OCD(WITH A TRAINED THERAPIST). You give in to ambiguity and the unknown. Its breaking that link between thought and action. Its incredibly difficult and draining. A five minute exposure leaves me in shatters for a week and two five minute ones had me ripping my nails past the nail beds with anxiety.

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Just a reminder: Do not have your character expose themself or expose folks with OCD to a trigger to “ help us get over with”. That is literally forcing someone with a mental illness into a break down and is not helpful. In fact its worse because a person knows about this intrusive thought and they tried to make it real. More shame and some trauma.

If you have OCD, more likely than not a family member or significant other has tried this with the purest of intentions. But it never works like that. Theres a reason that therapists get special training for this. If people want a post on ERP I can make one at some point.

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Actually let’s drag me with the squirrel thing as the example- fellow OCD Folks get out a pen and paper and try breaking down one of yours;

Obsession:Squirrel will be murdered

Trigger: seeing a squirrel

Intrusive thought: Graphic images of a squirrel being murdered by a hawk/ impaling depending on the day

Misinterpretation/feared consequence: Squirrel will be killed and its all my fault

Somatic and Psychological Anxiety:intense anxiety, palms sweating, heart racing,

Compulsions/Rituals: Must stare at the squirrel to prevent bad things from happening,

Now imagine if that is every time you see a fucking squirrel. You have somehow become completely and totally transfixed on a squirrel and nothing is going to pull your attention away or the squirrel dies- which your mind is giving you lovely images of btw.

Cute right?

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Below are the subtypes with general information/example thoughts/ and how some of these have impacted me socially because apparently some people dont understand that mental illnesses impact their social lives?? yall...

Social: This can range from ‘ i am constantly thinking i did something wrong so i have to ask for reassurance that we are still friends’ to completely unrealistic worries. Maybe its an intrusive thought that ‘ your voice is annoying them’ . There’s reassurance seeking, internal and external checking.

It makes friendships extremely difficult and exhausting. You’re not trying to get to know someone with an annoying frat boy egging on anxiety in your brain. This can also manifest as having strict rules for yourself and ethical codes.

My therapist likes to say she could give us (folks with OCD) a pile of hundred dollar bills and come back and they’d all be returned. Because OCD makes you so strict and morally confined. Which ISNT fun. Like I dont get pleasure over having to memorize the entire Code of Conduct!

Social Media: Its the bane of human existence some days and a lifeline the next. But what if everytime your follower count was an odd/even number it sent you into a panic attack. What if you spent all your time with intrusive thoughts that somehow someone misinterpreted a post or that someone is going to be harmed by a post you made about tapirs.

You may be forced to block people to get your number down or keep pornbots on your blog to keep your number what you like (see there is a use for them! We sacrifice those before actual users!) You may be refreshing your page every second because ‘what if you miss a message’. It's going to look a lot like ‘check check check check reassure yourself double check your posts check check check reassure check check FALSE MEMORY check your post etc’

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Clothing/Body Image: When its not Body Dysmorphia it can be OCD. Sometimes this looks like I obsess about a body part and therefore I choose my clothes/hairstyles to hide those. Some personal examples: as a kid I was sure that mind readers exist ( THIS IS AN OCD THING TOO I was so relieved to find that out) and that if i didnt wear a particular hat they would see all these horrible thoughts and it would be revealed what an awful person I was. So I wore the same dumb ass bucket hat for a year (or more I cannot remember but it was a long ass time).

I was once so fixated on being given a compliment on my eye color that I wore sunglasses (even at night) to a summer camp. And if any of those teen girls in that cabin that stood up and mocked me in a crowded lunch hall by singing ‘i wear my sunglasses at night’ you all owe me 40$.

Even younger still I had intrusive thoughts. Like say, if anyone noticed I was female that i would be kidnapped so I chopped my hair very short. I altered my appearance to be very androgynous and even switched to walking more masculine. Because omg if your hips move someones going to kill you thats just how it works. ( It doesnt help I later figured out I was a lesbian)

Your wardrobe may be impacted by OCD and yes so can your body image.

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Also yes the fear of mind readers is also a thing; i always thought I was somehow faking OCD because yes that is also a…..

Faking: Do you value telling the truth? Do you detest lying ? Boy Howdy do I have some news for you. OCD is going to try and convince you that YOU LIED. Whether it was on a chastity pledge to get a free sandwich or in a conversation you just HAD. This links a lot with false memory OCD.

Another aspect is OCD makes us doubt we have OCD and tries to convince us we have any other diagnosis under the sun and we are obviously faking our OCD.

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Sexual Orientation OCD; It is as it is called. Sexual Orientation OCD is what happens when your brain goes ‘hold on what if you’re not this orientation what if you are THAT’. It doesn’t matter where on the LGBT umbrella you fall you will have OCD trying to convince you otherwise. From compulsive staring at members of the same/opposite gender to compulsively reassuring or checking with yourself to ensure that ‘ no no you are in fact THIS orientation.’

This can range in behavior from binge watching porn, staring compulsively to check that there is OR is NOT attraction,self checking past experiences and memories, analyzing your clothing and your lifestyle in painful and intricate methods.

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False Memory OCD; False memory OCD is basically your brain sitting you in a noir interrogation room, handcuffing you to a chair grilling you. It demands that you did *insert bad thing here*. This can range from anything from something Harm based to pretty much *anything* from other OCD subtypes. Which is quite delightful really.

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Sensorimotor OCD; Sensorimotor OCD is obsessive body responses. These can be ‘ I have to cough really hard and really feel it right in my chest and if I can’t get it right I have to cough until I do’. This can be counting your heartbeats. Trying to check yourself that you in fact have a heart and checking and reassuring that it is still beating. It can be hyper-awareness of swallowing or even swallowing repeatedly. It is anything with selective attention; ie its an automated process but your OCD is forcing you to be aware of it.

Your OCD makes you aware of the sensation of, say, breathing, and then it convinces you that if you stop paying attention to it you will stop breathing. So now you’re horribly aware and focused solely on breathing and breathing alone. It keeps me up most nights with the pounding anxiety fueled by the pressure of ‘if you stop focusing on breathing you will stop breathing completely’ or waiting to feel that last heartbeat in your chest.

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Existential OCD; You ever feel existential ? Existential OCD is like having a very aggressive existential crisis that turns you into NEEDING answers IMMEDIATELY. This can look anything from hours panic scrolling the net to panic inducing anxiety because you don't know what happens after death. The thoughts are like foghorns on a misty sea.

This sounds basic and the only example i can give is as a teeny tiny 7 year old I had a panic attack in bed screaming that ‘ what if im a dinosaur and im asleep and i wake up and my whole family is GONE’.

To be fair I did like dinosaurs a lot.

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Harm OCD; This is pretty self explanatory but I will give more details. Harm OCD is OCD demanding that you will/could/can/may have/might harmed yourself/others/any living creature and that you alone are responsible.

This means anything from getting anxious driving over crosswalks because ‘what if you dont see one and hit someone and its all your fault and you hit someone go back and make sure you havent hit anyone’ to ‘im holding a knife so im going to accidentally stab someone’ to ‘ i didnt see my cat this morning and now im at work and think she must be dead and i am responsible for her demise.’

It can be as simple as ‘if i use a pencil i will stab myself in the eye’ or as complex as ‘ i may accidentally say a slur’/ ‘ i am going to say this horrible thing out loud if i cannot control myself.’ It can also be images of terror or racist/sexist/ableist jokes in your mind that repeat like a broken record.

(Please note from section 1 that this is extremely anxiety provoking and not something you would do. OCD preys on what we respect the most.)

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pOCD; Tumblr listen the fuck up because I am tired of seeing people get called shit on this website for having this mental illness. People who experience pOCD are not pedophiles, they do not get any pleasure or benefit. The thoughts and images are meant to induce harm to the person experiencing them. Children are normally the trigger for this and the resulting images can be very graphic. Again you aren’t attracted to children- thoughts of them getting harmed hurt you so your OCD makes you see them.

Know this so you can advocate for folks with pOCD in real life. Remember we are here. We are suffering and we are terrified of your children.

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Poisoning others/or in your food; Life isn’t medieval anymore but sometimes OCD demands we have a food taster or that we obsessively worry that we may kill someone with our cooking. Personally I struggle with colorblindness so I am constantly fretful over cooking any sort of meat so it’s difficult for me to cook it.

However this also comes as; obsessive horrible thoughts of your cooking kill someone or that you have somehow/accidentally poisoned someone’s food (even if you haven’t touched it or been within a foot of it ) or that someone has poisoned YOUR food even if no one has touched it except you. You’re going to be picking apart your food or unable to eat out at all.

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Emotional Contamination: It’s similar to magical thinking and this terrifying prospect of mind readers. Emotional contamination can manifest as anything from intense worry over somehow gaining someone else’s negative personality traits.

Or that somehow by interacting with any role of someone horrible will make YOU somehow also responsible for the horribleness. There is usually a person or a type of person that is a trigger, but it can also be location based.

This is one subtype where magical thinking and superstition are apparent.

For instance; as a teen if a male was in my space or had physical contact;like shaking hands,giving a high five, being in my room etc. I would have to go around and physically touch all the objects that I perceive they may have also touched as a way to cancel out their presence.

This includes wiping off myself to negate even the touch of family members. It really hurts peoples feelings, my father was especially hurt by this.

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Physical Contamination: This goes beyond physical dirt and grime. Most of us dont have spotless homes because if you’re having a fist fight with your brain everyday cleaning falls by the wayside just like it would for anyone else. Physical contamination holds 2 things: physical contamination obsessions AND compulsive cleaning behaviors/rituals. We believe that a small amount of a contaminate can cover large surfaces.

Oh, and did I mention its not JUST dirt/germs/viruses. The list is expansive but heres a mixed bag of what they can be: sticky substances,dead animals,glitter (FUCKING GLITTER),negative words or language,colors, numbers, surfaces in general, food, people, and activities. There is also a hyper responsibility to protect yourself and others from ‘contamination’.

Strangely there is a magical separation between the contaminated world and the ‘clean’ one. Spaces designated as clean would be a bedroom/bathroom/workspace where you are most active. That space is where the compulsions and intrusive thoughts occur. Its not I MUST CLEAN EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. Otherwise I would be working cleaning houses because why the hell not amiright?

A real world example from a colleague would be a young man with physical contamination OCD is struck with such intrusive thoughts about cleaning that they refuse to allow anyone in their room or any animals in their home. But they are not able to even flush the toilet, take out the trash, wash dishes, or do garbage because of their intrusive thoughts.

The most famous would be compulsive hand washing but I feel it is important to also note OTHER aspects of physical contamination because everyone sees the hand scrubbing stereotype.

Other compulsions include intricate rituals, not touching the floor (i played X-treme the floor is lava during college. I couldnt let my feet touch the floor because it was ‘dirty’),excessive showering (2-8+ hour showers guys, 8 hour showers. Thats what we’re talking about.)

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Relationship OCD: This comes as no surprise that yes you will have intrusive thoughts that you are somehow harming/ will harm/ may accidentally harm your significant other. Whether that be by physical or emotional means. It can look like ‘ I may have lied to her about how much I love her’, ‘ i may not actually love her and I may be leading her on’, and ‘ I must be corrupting her’. These can extend to certain physical activities with false memory OCD as a cherry on top. A great finishing garnish to leave you feeling absolutely dismayed and unable to trust your own perception.

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Scrupulosity: Religion! Whatever that may be! Its a thing with OCD. With Scrupulosity obsessive thoughts run all over the board from; you committed a sin and forgot about it you monster to having to pray continuously/ a certain time/ until its right. What is right?Ask OCD that’s the only person who knows.

We are fairly certain my grandfather had OCD because he went to church for every single Catholic Mass. Every single day. Every. Single. Day. That’s not a healthy amount of attendance(I'm calling you out posthumously because I care Robert!). This can also look like: praying a certain amount of times. Praying until you do it ‘right’. Confessing every single potential sin. Cataloguing and dwelling over ‘sinful’ things.

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Symmetry or Just Right OCD: Symmetry OCD is the runner up for ‘most likely recognized on tv shows’ award.

Symmetry OCD convinces you that if *insert thing here* isnt symmetrical or ‘just right’ (a magical position or number of objects that makes 0 logical sense) that something bad will happen.

This can range from the known; rearranging things. But it also looks like buying more objects until you reach the right amount and even throwing out objects if theres ‘too many’.

It can range from ‘the walls are percievably not straight so now i avoid that room at all costs otherwise i will be trapped traveling the edges of the wall with my eyes otherwise it will fall in and murder us ALL.’ to ‘ this historical bust is one inch off to the left and now all i see is visions of it breaking against the ground.’

So that is what I have time for. 9 pages on subtypes and basic information. If you find yourself wanting me information all of this is easily accessible online. So go, be free and dont ever compare people to Monk again. Write Batman and Scott Summers with OCD. Give us ACTUAL representation and not throw away joke lines. We are here. Our suffering isnt funny. We deserve representation too.

#OCD #writing help #OCD resources.#*drops 10 pages onto your dash* whoops

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dordmagazine · 4 years

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What The F Are Intrusive Thoughts?

Lesson brought to you by the fact that most of us are having intrusive thoughts right now, no one talks about it, it's considered taboo + scary, and tbh the psychology community does a bad job of normalizing this common evolutionary behavior.

What The F Is an Intrusive Thought?

Imagine this, you're going about your day, and suddenly you’re hit with a thought that’s bizarre, shocking, uncomfortable, triggering, or overall anxious. No reason for it, it just pops up.

Could be the voice in your head saying the worst thing you can imagine is happening

Could be a gut feeling followed by intense anxiety and thought spirals

Could be thoughts of doing something shocking and out of character for you (usually sexual, violent, or suicidal)

Could be in terms of a relationship (thinking you’re not good enough, they’re not good enough, suddenly fearful of commitment despite having intense feelings for that person)

Intrusive thoughts are actually perfectly normal. Literally everyone has them, not just those with mental illnesses. Intrusive thoughts don't necessarily mean you have a mental condition you need treatment for. Intrusive thoughts are not messages, red flags, signals or warnings, despite how they feel. Even for my intuitive people, your intrusive thought doesn’t mean the situation is actually going on. It's just a thought with zero meaning behind it.

Intrusive thoughts feel so threatening because anxious thinking takes over, and the thought appears to have some intense power that it actually doesn't have.

Common intrusive thoughts we don't call "intrusive thoughts", but they really are:

Thinking our partner doesn't want us

Thinking our partner will leave or is cheating

Fearing everyone at the office hates us

Convincing ourselves we'll fail

Thinking we'll go broke

Being afraid that fictional things will happen (ex being fearful that you’ll live the plot of a book you just read)

For some reason we don't associate this type of anxious thinking with intrusive thoughts, but they're classic intrusive thoughts. Other thoughts include thinking about having sex with someone you'd never sleep with, getting in fights, getting raped or abused.

It’s important to note, if you are having intrusive thoughts of getting raped or abused, or doing the actions, that does not mean you want to rape or abuse or get raped and abused. For people who conduct these behaviors, these are not intrusive thoughts. They don’t think much about them and move on. These thoughts cause great stress for you because they go against your values and you’d never do them.

For Example:

People who have intrusive thoughts about cheating, usually value commitment, relationships, and family.

People who have intrusive thoughts about hurting an animal, love animals and would never harm one intentionally.

People who have intrusive thoughts about their religion, are usually extremely faithful and take their faith seriously.

Intrusive thoughts are intrusive because they go against your values. You are not subconsciously represented by your intrusive thoughts.

The Science

Here’s the facts, we get intrusive thoughts for a few reasons.

First one, our brains get bored and try to entertain themselves. I wish I was kidding. We’re taught the brain is a complex thing, but it’s really a toddler. In fact the part of the brain associated with intrusive thoughts, the Amygdala, is the youngest part of the brain. It’s kinda still learning how to brain.

When we get bored or over stimulated, the Amygdala comes up with situations, so the body can send up doses of chemicals and hormones. Our brain likes to imagine things, it’s just sometimes daydreams turn into nightmares.

Most common reason our brain has Intrusive thoughts, is because it’s evolved to keep us safe. So it constantly scans the environment for danger, running through all the possible cases. While doing this, it generates thoughts that you are unaware of. When it hits one that causes you fear, it becomes a conscious thought.

When fear hits the body, within seconds fight or flight turns on and the Amygdala is turned screaming. It wants you to come up with a plan to stay safe if the event ever happened.

Once you do, the screaming stops. If you ignore it, sometimes the screaming gets louder. We see this a lot with patients who have OCD, the thoughts get louder or keep coming back harder when we try to ignore them.

In a way our Amygdala is saying “Can’t you see we’re in danger?”

The problem is there is rarely ever any actual danger. The Amygdala is the brains faulty security system. It’s triggered by wind the next County over.

The brain does this so that you are alerted to the potential threat and can then problem-solve your way out of it. Our brain honestly thinks it's helping us. But as I mention everytime I talk about anxiety, we're not outrunning bears anymore. We don’t need overly sensitive Amygdalas.

That’s why OCD treatment uses exposure therapy designed to reprogram how we perceive thoughts in the mind. Treatment involves pushing yourself to do what scares you and ignoring the need to control everything. Overtime the brain adjusts to your responses and you have less obsessive intrusive thoughts.

Follow Your Gut

I’m a natural intuitive. So for me to follow my intuition I had to make peace with my intrusive thoughts.

Remember, our brain doesn't know the difference between real threats or imaginary ones. The brain thinks "I thought of it, it's real". Think of it like a toddler holding an imaginary tea party. We know the cup is empty, but the kid honestly thinks imagination made tea.

I see a lot with people who are practicing their intuition or learning to trust their gut fall into the trap of feeding their intuitive thoughts. Out of nowhere they get an intrusive thought that their blessing, prayers, or manifestation isn't coming. And they freak out because they think it's divine guidance.

My dears, your intrusive thought isn't divine guidance. It's your bodies glitchy security system. Your gut, the universe, or god, didn't telling you that your person will never love you, that the job isn't coming, or that you'd never get rich or have a family.

The thing with intrusive thoughts is they often keep coming up, which tricks us into thinking that it actually means something or it's divine guidance. But the reason these thoughts come us is because we never told our brains it's not actually a danger or threat.

How To Make Them Stop

First things first, if you have intrusive thoughts find a Therapist who focuses primarily on OCD. Many Therapists claim to have worked with OCD patients but lack the education or experience to support your healing journey.

The thing with traditional talk therapy is it can usually make OCD and Anxiety worse. If you are seeking out professional help, which I always recommend, find a Therapist who is trained in Exposure & Response Prevention (ERP). If you’re on the edge of deciding to see a therapist, there are incredible patient guided workbooks designed to help stop intrusive thoughts.

Some of our favorites are:

The ACT Workbook for OCD: Mindfulness, Acceptance, and Exposure Skills to Live Well with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Marisa T. Mazza PsyD

Brain Based Therapy for OCD: A Workbook for Clinicians and Clients by John B. Arden

Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts: A CBT-Based Guide to Getting Over Frightening, Obsessive, or Disturbing Thoughts by Sally M. Winston PsyD and Martin N. Seif PhD

Brain Lock, Twentieth Anniversary Edition: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior by Jeffrey M. Schwartz

How To Be There For Someone With Intrusive Thoughts

Intrusive thoughts can effect our relationships in every way. It’s hard to see your loved one go through suffering you can’t understand.

I always explain intrusive thoughts like this:

An intrusive thought is like we watched a documentary on Bigfoot. Before it, I knew Bigfoot wasn’t real and the documentary only assured me that Bigfoot is made up. But every night I’ll be terrified that Bigfoot is outside of my window and will hurt me when I’m sleeping. So I lay awake and plan or sit in fear. Eventually, the fear will bleed into my daytime life and I’ll become scared that Bigfoot is behind me or will hurt my loved ones. And in the documentary it said people used to keep garlic in their pocket to ward off Bigfoot. So I start carrying around garlic and hiding it in my loved ones belongings. This entire time I know Bigfoot isn’t real. I know my behavior is irrational. But my body is still scared. Even if everything inside of me says Bigfoot isn’t real and even if it’s proven by Scientists. I’m still afraid.

If the person you love struggles with intrusive thoughts it helps to view everything from their perspective. You don’t need to feed into the compulsions, in fact you usually shouldn’t.

Someone suffering with Intrusive thoughts or OCD needs the people around them to be compassionate, understanding, and kind. When someone exhibits an obsessive behavior tied to intrusive thoughts ask them, “Is that an intrusive thought?” usually that’s enough to stop them the thought, even temporarily.

Another thing you can do is ask the sufferer to explain to you what they’re feeling and why they think that way. And don’t judge them for it. Simply nod and smile. People who have intrusive thoughts or OCD need to feel like they aren’t broken because of the way their brain is programed.

Remember, all their brain is doing is trying to stay safe. Treatment involves reframing thoughts and reprograming their brain. The goal isn’t to stop our Amygdala from being aware, it’s to make it less sensitive and less afraid.

Our brain needs to alert us of a flood, it doesn’t need to alert us of 5mph wind.

The important thing to remember with intrusive thoughts is to think of your brain like a toddler. It's pointing everything it thinks and sees out, making sure you see it too. All it wants you to do is say, "yes, I know. But that's not important right now." or "I think you're not seeing it correctly, it's actually this."

Having these thoughts are normal and although distressing they say nothing about your character.

Follow us as we work to end the stigma around mental illness and keep an eye out for our full magazine set to release early January 2021.

Disclaimer: No one at DORD is a medical professional, meaning we provide education from our first hand experience (and our Editor In Chief’s Psychology Degree). If your intrusive thoughts cause you great discomfort, contact a license professional. If you think you're going to hurt yourself or someone else, contact a professional. If you'd like to know how to get in touch with a professional, shoot us a DM and we’ll gladly help connect you with the appropriate resources.

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elisemarie10 · 4 years

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My Story

*Trigger Warning* Vomiting, Suicidal Ideation

For the last 20 years, I’ve been dealing with emetophobia. Which is the fear of vomiting. Well, if I’m being completely honest, I didn’t know exactly what I was dealing with until 2017. Growing up, I was told that I had GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and saw different kinds of doctors that tried treating me for GAD, without actually treating me. What I mean by that is, because one doctor diagnosed me with it every other doctor just assumed the previous doctor was correct and treated me as such. I was an extremely anxious child, which turned into an extremely anxious teenager. School seemed unbearable, because I was “anxious”. Most of my days in middle school I spent in either the nurse’s or counselor’s office. I remember wanting to end my life because of my intense fear of vomiting was making life not worth living. It sounds very dramatic, but to me, it was the worst thing that could happen. Death seemed like a better option than vomiting.

Then came high school, where I thought I started to handle this anxiety better. I took the medicine doctors prescribed and went to all of my psych appointments. I ended up doing pretty well in high school. But I was still pretty anxious and depressed. Yet, I graduated and started college. I thought I was doing pretty well, seeing as I was able to live on campus and seemed to be living like a true college student. Life appeared to be moving on. I should mention, that I have yet to throw up since 2001 at this point.

January 21, 2017 - I ate a cheeseburger from Burger King, and ended up throwing up from possible food poisoning. This was so horrific to me. That night, I called my employer at the time, and quit. I essentially hit ground zero. I wasn’t expecting to get better and thought that this was it, this was going to make me give up trying to move forward in life because I was unable to. I didn’t leave the house, had trouble eating, and was basically rotting away. My mom was beside herself on how to help me and told me that if I wouldn’t get a job, I wouldn’t be able to live with her anymore. (My mom is an angel, she was giving me tough love because she believed in me even though at the time, that’s not what I felt). So, with this I realized I needed better help. I googled doctors in the area who treated anxiety patients. I found one that seemed good and was close, set up an appointment and this is where my life changed.

This psychologist listened to what I had to say and about my previous psychologists and their diagnoses. After listening, he tells me that I have OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). I didn’t believe him, I was so confused because I was stereotyping OCD as having things to be in order with precision. And I knew that wasn’t me. He elaborated on what OCD truly is, lo and behold, I fit that diagnosis like a glove. OCD is way more than what television appeared it to be. So, I started getting treated for OCD and emetophobia. Hey! There’s that funny word again. Yes, this psychologist also diagnosed me with emetophobia, not GAD. Anxiety, OCD and emetophobia are essentially a package deal for me. Can’t treat one without treating the other. At this point, I still don’t have a job and only seeing the psychologist once a week, I wasn’t seeing the progress that I was hoping for (which in all honesty was not realistic). One day, my psychologist brought up Partial Hospitalization to treat this OCD package. I initially said “fuck no”. But two weeks later, I gave in and was put on a waitlist for Partial Hospitalization to treat OCD.

I was in Partial for 10 weeks. The treatment there seemed to be working. I went there Monday thru Friday 8:30am - 3:00pm. This is where I learned about Exposure Repsonse Prevention (ERP). I had to do exposures involving vomit in some way shape or form. During the 10 weeks, the more I was progressing, the better my life outside of there was getting. By the time I was discharged, I had a new job waiting for me at a bank. I seemed to be doing pretty well, seeing as I got promoted 8 months into the new job. And then, I relapsed. October 2019, I was back in Partial. This time around, I hit my lowest point. It was harder than the first time and I added a new diagnosis to my chart; Panic Disorder. All of these diagnoses and treatments and I felt myself giving up because I was getting worse. Somehow I pushed through and started to see a sliver of a light at the end of the tunnel. I worked my ass off in the program and was able to return to work 14 weeks later.

It’s been 1 year since my last day of partial. I am constantly trying to push myself every day to keep moving forward. I have worked too hard and have spent way too much time (and money) into living a “regular” lifestyle. Who knows what life has in store? But I am determined to do something special with this life that I have. I don’t have much, but I have ears to listen. I have the hard days that come with the good days. There is more of a purpose of my life than just being afraid of vomiting. I know that my purpose is to help others, in any way that is plausible. I am always open to hear your story. I am here to listen to you on your good days and bad days. I am here to be your cheerleader, shoulder to cry on, audience when you want to joke.

I. Am. Here.

My story is not bigger than your story. If you or someone you love is having a hard time trying to keep your stories going, know that I am here and ready to listen.

#mental heath support #anxious #listen #mental health #ocd

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lunar-rose-academy · 4 years

Photo

How 2 RP - Part 1.5 (A little extra)

Hey everyone! Masao here~ Welcome to part 1.5, a little extra for you all, where i interview a experienced RPer, who shares their story, and give their own tips for RP. I thought it would be nice to hear from someone that has more experience then i do.

Today, we talk with:

@captainkurosolaire

A very good friend of mine who was actually one of my very first RP friends back in the days of Heavensward. Kuro was one of the first groups i joined, called Goldbrand. A pirate group that mostly focused on hunting Relics and the like. I learned a lot about RP from him, and made me really enjoy writing stories. He is also a very awesome dude and very humble. I hope our little interview helps you get motivated to RP, and to set that first step into the fantastic world of FFXIV!

My first question for Kuro was:

When you started RP, how did you start? Did you have a lot of help? Kuro: I started 6 years ago in XIV RP. I've been LARPing, I've built my own scuffed tabletop game with me and a bud, I've done WoW RP (Didn't click with me due to bad introduction to it.) As an only child, I've always had nothing but the highest of imagination's and I've always been tethered to create and build.I had tons of help. I wouldn't be here in the community without one of my ex's who drove me into it. I was a cuck. They shaped me and saw that, I was passionately nerdy about this stuff and always directed me towards this but, I was a shy bean and in a cocoon thought I’d fail or be a burden. After they parted with me for being naive and needing to harden me with heartbreak, I took a gamble for myself. Leaped in after a person named Sei took me in, I created Captain off just his glamour alone and then built off the tiny sketches with what I had in solo and overtime.Started from Gilgamesh, then went to Balmung. This was the era when Quicksands a majority of the time was filled with ERP and anything on the outskirts, were the more serious players and you had to go looking. I made a character fit and based around Quicksands and centered around the atmosphere. It felt fitting. So I went brash from being the most introvert by playing the most opposite to me. To not only challenge myself, but to force me to learn more. This overall was more productive of aiding in my conquest for building my Tabletop game, at first, it was mainly for that...Then eventually as my reputation was mainly ERP but somehow my F-list had some actual character-depth, I expanded and branched off. I was told by my Kahn'a my practical Yoshi P and lore guide. Some helpful hints and after that they practically set me up for transitioning out of just being a smut writer, even though I had a story behind each thing, I wanted to transition out. Then I met Verrine, Mishi, Thorcatte, Sun’ra, These people really put the ground-works into my story alongside Kahn'a, everywhere I turned, every person I met, they were inspirations, they were aiding me in RPing and feeling like this is my home, this is the land of the nerds and I owe them everything for letting me find this haven.Eventually another friend told me basically, why not just DM(Dungeon Master). Since I had contacts, I had the RP and creativity for it. They pointed me in that direction. Wasn't until I met my longest and really huge gratitude of an RPer in Ayla, who eventually inspired and led me into not only you. But bringing in many others who I eventually found as crew.I owe a tremendous amount to Ayla... Without a shadow of a doubt. Kahn'a too, but I could say literally, I owe everyone, four-hundred people in my head right now. From I've ever contacted or came into RP or even plotted none of their experiences have ever gone to waste. They each gave me a presence of passion. I transitioned off; led a huge DM group that was mainly done because you reached back out after I hit a downward spiral. After I left everything behind and ruined nearly all of it and lost my mojo.You rose me back like the phoenix, I eventually created a plot so massive that I could DM for like thirty individual people with the right support and people, did I fail in being a community leader or dealing with drama and involving everyone with my health and limited energy? You're damn straight. -- I failed utterly horrendously! However -- It wasn't entirety wasn't in vain, people found their little groups and pockets in that, they met their meshes. Which objectively, that's all that matters as someone who organizes those to bring people together and in.After that... I transitioned into Tumblr more after being encouraged by people like Fair-Fae from afar, to Sei. Then worked on drumming to the beats given. To every person, even the ones that are angry emoji in the background-- I love em' their passion rubs into me and it breathes of air, gives me wings better than red-bull advertises! As someone who's dealing with an inoperable and bed-ridden rare disease, I've never been or felt more alive.I owe so much to people, and it's why I've stuck around for six years now and continue to batter up against the foul. This is why, I want to raise, boost, encourage, and rally others to be shared so they find in match-making their RP partners, and despite... I know my writing style hasn't ever been everyone's flavor, I never have ever thought of ever wanting someone not to find happiness. I couldn't give up RP at this stage. My next question would be, If you could give a tip to someone who just wanted to start to get into RP, what would you say to them? Kuro: Know this. Getting into RP is a joke. It's really easy, you possess already every tool to be a tremendous RPer! Much better than I and I ever will be.

Short version: Just communicate. RP It's merely a Dance that can be positively enchanting, magical! -- I don't care what anyone says. ~ It's a partnership, you've got to find the people who keep up with pace and momentum, or blend with your style. You won't always find that and it's not a bad thing if that can't work. Some characters don't connect, some are opposite but they can still work. That's because it requires, one additional thing that requires: a pillar of effort. Don't let yourself be overwhelmed. Looking from the outside this game I've heard and seen, It's intimidatingly daunting. It's a lot to get into. Though this game? It's unoriginal. There isn't anything you can't create in this game, you have science, you've got alchemy, you've got magic. This game is literally called Fantasy in the title, this game has yanked and pulled off all the foundations of RL concepts, other fantasy tropes, religions, and renamed them and splashes over paint. You can do the same... Anything can be explained, I don't care what it is. People are fundamentally not grown as the exact same, I'm not personally here to be a clone trooper. Now If I want to play that, I can even do that respectively.* Look around the game visually, see if you think it can be done with the setting and place, build yourself something anything, you've got a whole box of legos don’t step on them. It’s proven constantly your creativity can be endless the more you play over time, or invest, put yourself out there. Go look into some guides, pull from a book, or google anything you’re thinking about. Again: People have styles they're different. You may appeal to being an NPC, you may like to be extended into Lore, you may not like all the fantasy, that's more than reasonable, it's all valid... There are people that feel you, they're waiting for YOU. Then you'll find people who are open-minded, you'll find people like me, I was in RP's with aliens, voidsents, normal people, WoL, like I've witnessed a lot. Listen to them, let them explain, and most often they fit. If you're too close-minded to accept then you don't need to worry you’ve already decided they’re not you, or your taste, leave them to their devices let them have their happiness, and go back to the scour. Don’t try harassing or bothering something that’s not there or ever will work. Wastes time and misery and drama isn’t worth unless it’s within stories, trust me. See for me... I’ve seen it all. People saying aetherfeeders and vampires didn't exist they cried on the forums and held a tantrum you had people say for years -- then boom RDM storyline and Stormblood came out debunked. Submarines weren’t things prior to SB despite we’ve got Garlean’s over here casually making Gundam’s. Their careers are over they played themselves -- this game is still continuing and always will if you're waiting for official confirmation from a -book- then you're going to be miserable, you're living off the backbone of a book meant to 'guide' and be resourceful in extension not to weaponize it and be a prick to people who don’t follow strictly the same ethic as you’ve so randomly chosen for yourself in standards, I hate to burst bubbles, but you’re never going to be 100% accurate, never ever. You didn’t create this game -- or it, therefore you can’t be anything but a replicator you’re just stuck either limiting your pieces or taking from an entire tub of building material. You aren't playing the book, you're playing the game. That's the real cannon, you literally visually see everything that's going to happen, you can bend it with predictions and logistical math. See XIV, they bend-over concepts of the real and made them fit or pried. I don't just bend lore… I bend it over. Why would there ever be anything that cannot be created? It's just how you interpret it, there are lazy ways to explain things, then there are thorough and detailed methods to get to the same realization of what you want to create that'll work and fit like puzzles to slots this story could’ve foretold. If done correctly more often then not XIV will follow suit in the same thing an expansion later if you stick to your wings, I’ve done it numerous times it feels like XIV has followed copied my test and then tried not to make it look obvious its because stories we’ve brazenly written together in deep-thinking. When my character is tagged IC that's it. Everything he witnesses or sees, I'm not refuting it. That's my chosen though, I see Quicksands and there's no way that place on my Balmung Shard and experiences is it clean, is it lead properly, or the official’s high representatives who totally are just fine with letting a Voidsent blow up the city-state. My character witnessed that, it’s set in stone. Though that's the option and you should always find what makes you comfortable, who makes you comfortable and consider that above all else. Often or not, everyone uses RP as an escape just as they play games. Don't sacrifice, don't lose yourself or not give self-love for what makes you passionate, don’t neglect yourself in taking control of being empowered and attaining friendships, fun, or treating yourself to something new to possibly take something lovely out of finding RP can be and make it all positive for yourself. Myself? I’m inspired by every person new and old who’s been in this game. I love it, do I bleed for it as my canvas? By the Twelve you know it! I’m only ever going to write stories and continue to build and grow, to learn. To do anything to give back. When a passion gives you life, you show that thankfulness by blazing that flame. My last question would be: Is there anything else you wanted to add or say to people? Kuro: Nope. Rest boils to the decisions you pave yourself and if you want to take the plunge. Just know you're worthy, valid, and this place isn't and never will be one batch or selective, It’s not too late ever there’s no expiration to get into RP, there’s a reason RP last longer than the lifespan of the game’s even when they’ve hit the lowest of lows in dry content, there’s always been unity. If there's one thing this community does well it’s looking after one another.And If they fail to deliver. I know there are people like me who'd rather raise up then pound down.You got this, champs. And that was my interview with Kuro. Looking at his answers, there is a lot that i can agree with. The community of FFXIV is a very great one. If one person is down or needs help, the FFXIV community is the first one to jump up and help with what they can. Hence, its why i made this! To help you, reading this. Just remember, that there are always people out there that are willing to help you. And a person such as Kuro, and of course, myself, will do whatever we can to help those in need. Thank you all so much for the support, and i hope you all have a good day. Also! If you are a RPer, and you would like to be interviewed too, let me know! Send me a message over here on Tumblr, or add me on discord: Masao#2913. And feel free to ask anything related to RP, or even FFXIV. Hope you all are looking forward to the next one~

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vylette-takeda · 5 years

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If you could offer someone new to roleplay one piece of advice; what would it be and why?

This is a great one and admittedly so hard to narrow down to one thing. My advice may seem basic, but I think new role-players, especially anxiety monsters like me can really take it to heart. Also as I typed this reply got *much* longer than anticipated so..if I drone on, I hope you all will forgive me! I am really hoping some new roleplayer somewhere (or a more experienced one who is having trouble) will see this and find value. If not well…chalk it up to Vy babbling. But I tried to make it entertaining, covered a few important topics (I think!) and the main focus in case you just want an easy answer is found in the following sentence:

Always remember, people want to RP with you.

Time and again, I have heard people lament (and I have at times been guilty of saying these same things!) “I am not good enough.”, “My writing is not good enough.”, “I do not know the lore well enough.”, “People do not seem interested in me/my character/my ideas.”Well? Forget all that! Let me let you in on a little secret new roleplayer: Most other RPers are just like you. They are into nerdy things or else they would not be here, they enjoy mutual storytelling and interactions in RP, they are probably just as shy as you (That is an important one. Think of all the rpers you know..how many start off by claiming they are shy? *raises hand* Guilty!), they also have insecurities, but most of all they are standing there with their IC tag on because they *want to RP with you.* So what does that mean? Go on ahead and make that approach! I know what you are thinking, “But Vy, I am a shy bean and no one knows me and I stand in the Quicksand and I don’t know what to do or how to approach and ahhhhhhh!” Well friend, I was there too. Let me tell you a secret, lots of days I *still* am. What i recommend heartily is an icebreaker. Just like meeting someone in real life. Now you can do this IC by just walking up and emoting but lots of folks are afk a lot or alt tabbed on tumblr (guilty party here) so I am going to recommend starting with a tell. So what is a good icebreaker? Well, think about what attracts you to a character and makes you want to RP with them in the first place! Here are some examples:

A) You think they did a great job with their character design or glam. It really seems to fit the theme they are going for. Their search info says “Shroud Witch” and wow did they nail that look!“Hey I really love the aesthetic of your character! You really nailed that look. Do you have an online profile for your character? I would like to know more.”See what I did there? A true and tasteful compliment with a follow-up to hopefully learn more. If they have a profile odds are it is already in their search info (more on that later!) but it may not be. Either way this opens the door for the player to tell you about their character, and who among us does not like doing that? It lets you open the door to seeing if it could be a good fit, what kinds of RP they are into (feel free to ask during the convo, most people are happy to tell you) and just get the dialogue started. From there you can probably work on an introduction.

B) You saw their amazing carrd/refsheet/tumblr/third party web page in their search info, looked it up, found their character and say “Yes! My character would love to meet a paid contract assassin with no morals” Or..um..something like that. Tastes vary and I don’t judge. Send them a tell!“I just read your carrd (or whatever) and it looks amazing. I really like your character and writing. Would you be up for some RP?” Again, a genuine compliment and trying to make the connection. They might ask you about your character. Tell them!

C) They are pretty pixels. *Sigh* let’s face it, it is going to happen. I would recommend, truly, if the only draw you have to someone’s character and a desire to RP with them is based on how pretty they are on screen..you choose someone else. Now I am not saying “No search info, no RP!” If someone is alone and you’re like “Hey lemme see what this Seeker is all about…” go for it. But if it is solely looks based and you contact the person because of them “looking hot” it reeks of ERP. I have gotten many many many of these tells. Way too many to count. 98% of the time that is where they head and my shields go up immediately

Now I am not insinuating you are looking for ERP and frankly the person you contact may not think so either. Additionally, realize rather bluntly, I don’t care. You should seek your enjoyment as you wish and there are lots of others in the sandbox who want the same thing. I am saying however based on experience I and others I have talked to have had…well you understand. Now if that *IS* what you are looking for, godspeed and good luck. I am not judging you. I will not however cover that here as a) I do not think it fits with the overall tone I am going for here and b) I don’t do random walk up ERP so I am in no way qualified to discuss it.

A few points to ponder!

1) Be honest and genuine! It comes across. Do this with your compliments, your language and your discussion.

2) Do NOT be afraid to tell them you are new! Most of us are very happy to help new people learn the ropes and we tend to be pretty tolerant of mistakes. We make them too! Also if you are shy they may be willing to do the walk up for you and make the approach to kick things off. (Score!)

3) DO NOT BE CREEPY. If your tell starts with “sexy kitten owo :))” odds are pretty good I am not going to be super receptive or get a good vibe from you to want to RP. (See “shields up” above)

4) Be respectful. This one goes without saying, or rather it should.

5) Remember RP is a dialogue. Go back and forth!

6) Do not be afraid to discuss things in tell in an ooc manner. If you are uncomfortable with something or are not sure how to proceed, let them know or ask.

7) (I wish I did not have to say this one but…) If someone goes outside your boundaries remember YOU are in control of YOUR character and YOURSELF. No one can force you to RP, force you to ERP or make you commit to a scene you are uncomfortable with. You are free to walk away at any time no matter who the person is if they go beyond your boundaries.This one is so very important. Most RPers are just a friendly lot looking for good times and friends. Some…are not. Do not let ANYONE take advantage of you. It is of course best to talk and not escalate immediately but at the end of the day your comfort and safety are far more important than the integrity of the RP!

8) Sometimes it is not all rainbows and sunshine. You will encounter crappy people sometimes. You will encounter people who for some reason or another are very elitist or don’t like your character or you. IT HAPPENS. No one owes anyone else RP or attention (likewise you don’t owe anyone either!). Let’s say that again. No one owes anyone else RP or attention (likewise you don’t owe anyone either!). Try not to let these incidents discourage you! For every one of them there are a dozen people standing around awkwardly waiting for someone else to make the first move! if you can be that person, you have already won the game.

9) Always say thank you for the RP! I mean forgetting is fine sometimes, we all forget, but if you had a great time? Let them know!I am certain there are 100 more helpful tips butttttt I think I babbled enough for now! I truly hope some of this was helpful. Thank you for indulging me, and happy RPing!

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gentlertides-blog · 5 years

Text

U’tuulivu Nunh [Crystal] LFRP

@gentlertides:

The Basics ––– –

Age: Early to Mid 20′s (Between 22 to 26, depending on Time antics.)

Birthday: 1st Sun of the 5th Astral Moon

Race: Seeker of the Sun Miqo’te

Gender: Male

Marital Status: Unmarried

Server: Balmung (Crystal DC)

Physical Appearance ––– –

Hair: Shaggy, red hair, usually allowed tof all in his eyes.

Eyes: Soft blue, almost periwinkle in tone.

Height: 5’10″

Build: Extremely thin, almost looks malnourished, with very little muscle tone.

Distinguishing Marks: Has distinct scratch marks down his back and sides. Also always has darker circles under his eyes.

Common Accessories: Tuuli is often seen with his chest or sides bared. He hates restrictive clothing, and will never wear anything that covers his upper half too much. Usually, he prefers light-weight fabrics, and wears crystalline accessories...since he finds them pretty and took a fascination to them upon coming to Limsa.

Personal ––– –

Profession: Adventurer, Arcanist

Hobbies: Weaving, Cooking, helping traveling companions with chores

Languages: Eorzean, and conversational Garlean so far, though he’s eager to learn more. Can read Allagan, well enough, but lacks the ability to speak it, and is in study of more written languages.

Residence: Generally tends to fall asleep wherever Tavilan is sleeping at the time, or at whatever inn room he’s nearest to.

Birthplace: Unknown

Religion: Quiet follower of Menphina

Patron Deity: Menphina, the Lover

Fears: Terrified of being used (the wrong way), violent people, other Miqo (sometimes), being alone

Personality: Gentle, loving, believes in the sanctity of life, and love. He wants the best for those around him. Tuuli would forget to sleep, and eat, if he didn’t have someone to remind him, and once he’s attached to someone, he dotes. He’s got a mind that loves to soak up knowledge, studious and bright, Other people are always the most important thing in the world, and whatever he’s doing can wait a few more hours.

Relationships ––– -

Spouse: None [In an open relationship with Tavilan Kagon]

Children: U’Sichana Tuuli, (Many more)

Parents: U’Makhos Tia (Alive) x U'kayden (Alive)

Siblings: U’Trialle Makhos, U’Rudra Tia, U’Msiba Makhos, U’Charon Tia, U’dagor Makhos, U’Algol Nunh (ALL Alive)

Other Relatives: Too many to list. Way too many.

Pets: None yet.

Traits ––– -

* Bold your character’s answer.

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between / Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

Additional information ––– –

Smoking Habit: No. Drugs: No. Alcohol: Is curious, though has never really touched the stuff.

Possible Hooks ––– –

The Scholar: If you haven’t seen him in the Arcanist guild in Limsa, or hanging around the ports and many other guilds, you’ve found him in one of the other massive libraries somewhere in the main cities. U’tuulivu is a man of knowledge, and he’s well known for his love of knowledge. While he’s nervous about taking on jobs alone, he’s always eager to help, and if you tell him you’ve first hand knowledge of some ancient something or other? He’s always eager to listen.

The Storyteller and Traveler: From the time he left his tribe after choosing to renounce the life of a Nunh, Tuuli has heard so many stories. He craves them like a body craves air, and wants nothing more than to hear the stories of every soul he meets, and then to share the stories he hears with the world! The more fantastic, the better! If you have the option to travel, he’ll follow you to the ends of the world. He wants to see it all. His own little corner will never be enough, and there’s far too much he’s never seen before.

Current Scion of the Seventh Dawn: He was just adventuring. He swore that was all it was. It was something fun, a way to get some knowledge and next thing he knew, he got swept up with the Scions. He will never complain, because the things he learns with them far exceeds what he might’ve learned on his own, but goodness, what madness has he gotten pulled in to...

Other: Anything. Any combo, a former lover? Tribe member? Someone who knew him before he ran off? Maybe a family member? It really could be anything! I’m always down to plot, and even open to new-ideas.

What I’m Looking For ––– –

Contacts and Friends!: So, SO new to in-game RP, so I need time and patience, but I would love some new friends and RP contacts.

SHIPS: Tuuli is so sweet and innocent and shy. He needs more corru I mean Ships! Tav will always be a figure in his life, and someone he ships with, but it’s an open relationship <3 He is PANSEXUAL, so it’s totally open to anyone, and will be Poly, once we get him out from under his sweet little shy rock.

Friendships: Tuuli needs some more people who’re willing to pull him out from under his rock.

Shenanigans: Any kind of adventure/scholarly snafus and mishaps.

Slice of Life/Random Interactions: Random and crazy stuff is GREAT.

OOC and Roleplaying Preferences ––– –

I am a Graphic Communications student, who has serious health issues, so my time’s sporadic in-game, but I’m on Tumblr and Discord all the time. We can definitely chat, and try to coordinate things, and I’m always willing to try out new stuff <3

I’m in CST, so I’m usually able to accommodate MOST stuff? But my sleep schedule’s a bit weird, so we have to talk through that.

I’m on Discord a lot, so it’s often the easiest way to get a hold of me.

I’m still very new to in-game RP, and use the PS4 and a Chat Pad, and have super poor eyesight thanks to my health condition, so PLEASE BE PATIENT <3 I’m trying ;3;

OOC TALKING IS MY JAM. I love plotting, and random IC chat, and just...Talking with my partners is so wonderful and amazing and perfect. It makes me happy ;w;.

My home world is Balmung.

Regarding M/ERP: I am more than happy to write it, HOWEVER, YOU MUST BE 18+. I WILL NOT RISK JAIL TIME FOR YOU. I enjoy smut. So much. Like I will write it all day and night if you let me. It is not my be-all, end-all though. I love general interactions~

Contact Information ––– –

Discord - Ask me <3

In Game - U’tuulivu Nunh

Tumblr - @gentlertides

Items in this post subject to change if/when the need arises (regarding roleplay).

#crystal lfrp #balmung lfrp #;; OoC #;; Head Canons #v;; Storytime with Eva

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illusions-of-reverie · 6 years

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Looking for RP - Suisenko Sakurai

NAME: Suisenko Shiori Sakurai AGE: 42 RACE: Au Ra, Raen GENDER: Female SEXUALITY: Heterosexual MARITAL STATUS: Partnered with Baien Tatakai @baien-tatakai-ffxiv SERVER: Balmung

Physical Appearance

HAIR: Short, kept around upper part of neck. Bangs mostly swept off to her right side. A very dark gray with some purpleish colour showing through. EYES: Rose quartz with limbal rings of pale but bright pink. HEIGHT: Four fulms and eight ilms. BUILD: Curvy. She is rather heavy in the chest, hips, back side and thighs and is a bit thicker in the middle, but keeps fit enough where she still has some abs visible. Thick, but still fit. DISTINGUISHING MARKS: Permanent face paint on her cheeks and scales there. COMMON ACCESSORIES: While mostly kept under clothing when she can, a leather collar is always found around her neck. WEAPONS: An Eastern style spear with a shorter blade and longer handle. Occasionally seen with an Eastern style long bow and quiver. Occasionally a fire arm. Often has a carving knife hidden on her body. PIERCINGS: Two spike piercings on either side of her left eyebrow near the tapered side, a stud piercing in her left nostril, a thin silver ring wrapping the middle of her lower lip and a belly button piercing. She has more, but they are not visible to others in day to day activities.

About

PROFESSION: A monster and animal herd tracker as well as hunter. She also does bounty hunting along with item retrieval. Or any sort of paid job along the lines including security/armed escort. HOBBIES: Drinking & Fishing (while drinking). She also does enjoy tarot readings and the use of tarot cards to guide her life, but that is not something she’s terribly open about. LANGUAGES: Hingan/Doman & Common. Also a dialect of Hingan/Doman used in the northern regions of the East. RESIDENCE: Bouncing between Shirogane and The Mists.

NOTABLE TRAITS: Commanding, a bit grumpy, narcissistic, loud, short fused, competitive. HOPES: Nothing notable. Never having to worry about a place to live again or whether food is going to be on the table or not is good enough for her. FEARS: Being truly alone. Not having someone to follow her legacy or remember her life (sort of. She’s on the fence about this one still).

Short Backstory

Born in the very northern parts of the East, Sui grew up always on the move. Her family, people from a small village of herd and monster trackers, was always on the job and it had Sui growing up while her parents worked and taught her the trade. This left her without proper social stimulation or education growing up and she didn't grow up with other children around, leaving her incredibly socially awkward. She and her family only returned to their home village once every few cycles for various reasons, but that didn't help Sui with her social ineptitude.

When she was in her late twenties, the family ended up settling into a small village in the north region of the East to assist with issues regarding monsters that had been in the area that weren't typically. With how socially inept Sui was, she didn't fit in and was alone near constantly until the much younger son of her mom's friend who they were staying with wiggled into her life and pretty much became a puppy at her heels. This was a rare moment of "bonding" (see; tolerance) for her, since her attitude usually drove others away.

One day a few cycles later the village was attacked-- caught in the middle of a local war of two territories vying for control over the other. Unable to defend themselves due to a lack of trained fighters, the village was nearly wiped out. In a last request by her mother's friend, she asked that Sui keep an eye on her son since he was still in his young teens. Suisenko agreed to do as such, though would only start doing so after dealing with the aftermath and making sure the people of the village that passed during the battle, including her parents, were given a proper burial. She would lose track of him a few cycles at a time, only to find him in Eorzea and through a strange set of circumstances ended up settling down with him in the area a decade after the attack.

Only now is she learning what it’s like to have a life commanded by her own choices.

Relationships

SPOUSE: None. CHILDREN: None. PARENTS: Deceased. Sui still mourns for them often since they were the only people she was particularly close to in her life. SIBLINGS: None. OTHER RELATIVES: She has a grandmother left in her home village, but highly dislikes her and thus refuses to visit or acknowledge her as family.

Possible RP Hooks

Spars/Combat Practice: Sui is always looking to improve herself in combat. While she favours the spear and doesn’t usually practice with any other weapon, she can sometimes be found trying not to get rusty with her long bow and is currently learning how to use a firearm after an incident. The learning is mostly out of spite, but that’s how she rolls.

Bounty Hunting Boards: Always looking for more money, since you can never have enough for things like booze, Sui is often found around job boards or places where you can pick up bounties. Problematic people or problematic monsters it doesn’t matter to her what she hunts, she has no qualms with taking down the required targets. Due to her pride, she will often take the most dangerous jobs, though.

Hunting: Who needs to buy food when you can hunt your own? You can find Sui in places where one can take down game such as deer and hogs. You can sometimes find her fishing, too. She’s usually drunk while doing this, though.

Bars/Taverns: The woman loves her drink and can drink some people under the table, if given the chance. She’s not at them too often, but it’s not out of the question to find her in places like this. Especially taverns or bars with fight nights.

OOC Tidbits!

Suisenko is my main. I am on her most of the time unless I have scheduled RP with my alts. I do prefer scheduling out RP in general, as it’s easier on me.

I am fine with all types and genres of RP; though slice of life is my personal favourite. ERP is a no go on Sui because of her being taken and monogamous. I am also fine with very touchy subjects but try to steer away from anything particularly immoral IRL. This can change depending on how much OOC talk is done before hand in regards to the specific thing; as this is RP and we are telling a story. Thus, I will very rarely give a flat out “no” to any particular subject.

I am fine with both ingame and Discord RP. My Discord RPs are rather laid back and I do not expect speed or so many responses a day when doing it. Take your time with it! Nor do I expect certain lengths of responses and will go along with whatever you’re comfortable with.

What I am Looking For:

As of right now, I’m mostly looking for friends for Sui. In the time I’ve been RPing her, she has none. Part of it was because I have been trying to work her out to fit what I want her to be as she is a type of character I’m not too used to playing.

Enemies/rivals/friendly rivals are not off the table though.

Contact Information

Discord: Rhiann#6041 You’re free to contact me through Tumblr as well, but I’m much easier to get a hold of on Discord.

If you could so kindly reblog this @balmungrp I would appreciate it ♥

#FFXIV #FF14 #FFXIV RP #FF14 RP #Roleplay #RP #Balmung RP #Balmung #Suisenko Sakurai #Au Ra #Raen

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demontargaryen · 6 years

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note: this guide is a combination of my own experiences suffering from ocd for almost 20 years, coping mechanisms i’ve learned through therapy, and information from online – all of which will be sourced. tw: mental illness, OCD, anxiety, mentions of self harm. tread lightly.

WHAT IS OCD?

“Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) features a pattern of unreasonable thoughts and fears (obsessions) that lead you to do repetitive behaviors (compulsions). These obsessions and compulsions interfere with daily activities and cause significant distress.” (source)

At its core, OCD is any anxiety disorder. My OCD specialized psychologist refers to it as the ‘doubting disorder’ which, I think, is a good way of describing it.

Obsessions –

Intrusive thoughts are a hallmark of OCD. These can include unpleasant images along with the thoughts.

Compulsions –

Examples of compulsions can include:

Checking (”did i lock the door? “is my oven off?”) which can cause someone to check to make certain they’ve completed tasks. This can lead to doubts, leading one to check they’ve completed them up to hundreds of times a day.

Hand washing. One might believe if they don’t wash their hands excessively, they can get ill and may even pass away.

Rumination. If you’ve had an intrusive thought, you might fixate on it. Is it something you truly desire to do? Does this make you a bad person? Dwelling upon these thoughts can trigger anxiety attacks or other compulsions.

Skin picking. This can be done without realizing or to reduce momentary anxiety. It can result in scarring which can embarrass the person despite feeling it necessary at the time.

Hoarding. Many people are surprised this is associated with OCD as they only know of the cleanliness aspect. People suffering from this are afraid throwing things away or getting rid of them will cause disastrous consequence and subsequently results in significant distress.

Avoidance. It feels easier to avoid the things which cause anxiety rather than put yourself in what will prove to be a distressing situation. This coincides with isolation, including not speaking to family members or friends whilst having particularly difficult intrusive thoughts to “protect” them.

Seeking reassurance. This is the opposite of avoidance. You may want to know someone doesn’t think your thoughts are horribly evil and terrible, nor whether what you’re thinking is real.

Performing rituals. Most people do not experience a sense of pleasure, but do feel as though this will reduce their anxiety.

& many more not listed!

DEALING WITH OCD:

Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT)

One of the proven ways in dealing with OCD is attending regular CBT sessions. These can teach you healthy ways in dealing with your obsessions without falling into compulsions.

Exposure and response prevention (ERP)

Putting yourself in a situation in which you know without a doubt you will be tempted to engage in compulsions.

This is usually done when you are in a safe situation – primarily with your therapist.

It is proven to be the single most effective way of recovering from your disorder.

Medication

This is a choice for each person. Not everyone will go on medication and they will still have an equal chance of recovery!

Commonly, antidepressants such as SSRIs will be prescribed for OCD.

One might have to try more than one medication – I’ve been on three myself – before finding on that works for them.

Mindfulness

There are many ways to practice mindfulness which can include:

meditation

grounding techniques (I would suggest checking this out if you suffer from any anxiety!)

deep breathing

& more

This is suggested by many psychiatry professionals as a way of dealing with your obessions.

HOW TO PORTRAY THIS DISORDER:

Your character does not have to display every symptom of OCD.

This falls into cliches, like you’ve read the symptoms and you’re ready and rearing to go (sans research).

They can perform a compulsion without you mentioning it again in the situation.

Hey, I’ll be standing and chatting with someone then bite my nails or stutter. It’s not important to fixate on if we’re being realistic. Someone I’m chatting with isn’t going to focus on it (unless they’re an asshole then pce out), so why would you if you’re writing a character?

Your character does not have to tell everyone they have OCD.

Some people do and, hey! More power to them!

It is not required for someone to tell everyone what they’re going through.

Our lives do not revolve around our illness, no matter how acute it is.

Not every coping mechanism someone will deal with is a compulsion!

Some practice mindfulness, meditation, grounding, deep breathing.

Try incorporating positive coping techniques in your characters life!

There are different severities of OCD, like any mental illnesses.

Whether your character has learnt to deal with their obsessions, or is at a point where the disorder is disabling, they are still valid in their struggles.

HOW NOT TO PORTRAY THIS DISORDER:

Mental illness are not an edgy character advice you can add for the angst ™

When seeing people portray many mental illnesses, I encounter them a lot of times using the disorder as a dirty little secret or as the one personality trait they have. As with any illness, we are not our disorder and some people are open about their disabilities.

Your character is not OCD. They have OCD.

I’m a writer. I’m a fan of DC superheros. I’m in love with my girlfriend. I’m not OCD. I am all of these things, and I just so happen to have OCD.

Someone with OCD is a normal person, who also has an illness. (Please remember this applies to all other disabled people as well :))

IN CONCLUSION:

please don’t say you’re ‘so ocd’ or ‘ocd about xxx’

yes, it’s a colloquialism.

yes, it does hurt.

as with portraying any sort of illness you don’t experience yourself, i would suggest doing more research! this is simply a basic guide which might be bias towards my own experiences. everybody is different. their experiences are different. each person or character with ocd isn’t going to be identical. if you have any extra questions, feel free to contact me and i would love to help you out!

#rph #rpt #actuallyocd #:)#special thanks to Essie for the header ily!!

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craigrcannon · 4 years

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Employee #1: Warby Parker

A conversation with Mara Castro, Warby Parker’s first employee.

Employee #1 is a series of interviews focused on sharing the often untold stories of early employees at tech companies.

Mara Castro was the first employee at Warby Parker. She currently is the Director of Customer Experience.

Discussed: Working at a Nonprofit, Finding the Job Posting, Interviewing with the Founders, Starting Part-Time, Figuring Out Operations, Moving to New York, Going into Retail, Building the Brand, and Learning to Manage People.

Craig: So the easiest way to start is just to explain what you were doing before and go from there.

Mara: Sure. So I graduated from Texas A&M then went back to Brazil and was working with a former Formula One racecar driver, helping him set up his nonprofit. At that point I was pretty dead set on wanting to build a nonprofit that was going to do good for the world. So I started in Brazil but knew that I did want to come back to the US.

I was originally from Brazil but my father worked in oil so we lived around the world – UAE, Libya, Singapore, Venezuela – then I ended up moving back to Philly for business school and from there started working at a nonprofit called the Food Trust. So I got a lot of exposure to how nonprofits work in the US.

I loved the work that I was doing but felt like I wanted to do something more with a little bit more of a business background. I felt like I could add more value to the world instead of spending so much time fundraising and policy writing and that kind of stuff. As I was trying to look for something different, Jeff Raider, one of the co-founders of Warby Parker, put out a job description looking for an operations manager.

At that point the four founders were still in business school. It was November of 2009. Warby Parker was really just an idea. They didn’t have a website or anything but they knew that they wanted help from someone to set up customer service and operations in general.

Craig: Where was the job posting? Was it on Craigslist?

Mara: I think they had posted it in quite a few places but because my ex went to Wharton business school, it had been shared there to all of the students and he shared it with me.

Craig: Gotcha. Okay, so you email him and then you meet up. How does that go?

Mara: It was great. Jeff is one of those guys that’s just incredibly charismatic, super fun, really smart. We talked about everything that I had done before, what I was hoping to do in the future and it was just very, very natural–just casual conversation about what my experience was and then what the idea of Warby Parker was at that time.

Craig: And was the idea the same as it is now?

Mara: Yes, that’s one of the special things about Warby Parker is that from day one, they really spent a ton of time thinking through what the pillars were for the brand. They really wanted this company to be a lifestyle brand that was going to be here for the next hundred years. They wanted it to really revolutionize eyewear industry and they wanted to prove that for-profits could do good in the world. Those three main pillars are still the ones that really reign the company to this day.

Craig: Did he convince you with that in the beginning?

Mara: The pitch was really just that they’re four really smart friends with this great idea to sell glasses online, so many other companies were selling products online that never had before –you shouldn’t have to pay the price of an iPhone for glasses.

I started wearing glasses when I was maybe 12 years old and so I knew how expensive glasses were and how limited the options were. It just seemed to make a lot of sense plus, with my background of wanting to work somewhere that was going to do good in the world, it was just awesome to see how it wasn’t a marketing ploy. It was part of the brand and who they really wanted to be from day one.

Neil [Blumenthal], one of our co-founders (and current co-CEOs) was one of the first employees at Vision Spring before he went to business school and he had really set up the whole program and how that nonprofit worked. And we were just going to partner with them so that we could do work in a way that they knew how to do it best and we were just going to help them and achieve that in the best way. It just really felt very authentic, very natural so at that point, I was just like, “Okay, you guys need to hire me.”

Craig: [Laughter] Okay, so what happens next?

Mara: We were still just talking about it because they didn’t even have the glasses yet. They didn’t have a website. It was really just an idea at that point but they knew that they wanted help soon thereafter. And so we continued talking. And I think they received the glasses maybe at the end of December or January of 2009. They started doing some trunk shows with their friends and I came to a couple of them, got to see the glasses, got to meet the other co-founders, and actually did an interview call with Dave Gilboa who is currently my boss. They decided to launch in the beginning of February and I started February 1, 2010.

Craig: Did you move to NY at that point?

Mara: No. So they were still in school in Philly and school was going to go through June. So on February 1st, we were launching but not necessarily the website. It was more of launching the fulfillment process. So we were still doing trunk shows with their friends and I was helping process orders with our tech consultant, set up the whole process through NetSuite which is an ERP [Enterprise Resource Planning] that we were using at the time, and really just help set up the foundation. Then we fully launched on February 15th with the website and features in GQ and Vogue

For the first two weeks in February I was part-time, 15 hours a week, just helping with anything that came up. The launch of the website kind of kicked us into crazy mode. And that’s when my role turned into a hundred hours a week and basically that’s what it’s been since then.

From that point, it was just like, “Okay, this is really going to work. Let’s figure out how to make this work in the best way. I think it was April when we decided we were going to move to New York and started prepping for that move.

Craig: And so were you handling fulfillment in the beginning?

Mara: I was helping with a little bit of everything, right. At first it was just me but then we quickly hired four other people and also I helped train all of the founders’ families everyone we knew could help, because it got really crazy really fast. I was in charge of setting up all of the training materials, managing all of the folks, setting up the culture, working with inventory, supply chain and then helped with all of the talent on HR, setting up all of the assistants as well and office management. It was a startup, right? You do what’s needed.

Craig: Right, exactly. The job description doesn’t exactly match the job. So had you guys raised money at that point?

Mara: No. So it was all from the four founders’ savings at that point.

Craig: Ok. How many styles did you launch with?

Mara: That’s a good question. It was twenty-seven plus our monocle. At that time, a few very big, bold styles which were in at the moment and then a few toned-down frames. And then, of course, the monocle.

Craig: [Laughter] I didn’t even know that was a thing. Do people actually buy it?

Mara: We do get a lot of orders for groomsmen. But, I mean, it’s not our bestseller. [Laughter]

Craig: [Laughter] I figured. Ok, so you moved to New York and then what? Had you lived in New York before?

Mara: I had not, no. I feel like everybody has a dream of living in New York so it was very exciting to move here. So we moved to New York. We worked out of Neil’s wife’s back office. She had a jewelry line that she ran out of the garment district. So it was this tiny inventory room which became one of our first showrooms. Our first showroom was actually Neil’s apartment. [Laughter]

So we moved to her back office and then from there, we moved in August to our first real office in Union Square. At that point I think we had maybe 10 employees or so on our team.

Craig: At that time were you able to get a sense if it would last or if it was just this crazy startup thing that might implode?

Mara: No, we were definitely filling a need in the market for sure. Just from customer conversations I could tell it was a thing. We always wanted to make sure that every employee (and our founders) were interacting with customers. We had phone and email initially and we responded to each and every person individually even when we got the crazy spike in March. We were all working from 7:00 to 4:00 a.m. really responding to every customer. People would reply to the 4:00 a.m. emails being like, “I get it. You’re a startup. That’s totally fine. Take your time, but would love your glasses. This is amazing. This is such a great idea. Don’t know why nobody has tried this before.”

So it definitely felt like we were filling a need in the market and that we just had to figure out the kinks of growing pains to make sure that we had enough inventory for everyone.

Craig: I imagine the actual manufacturing process is pretty time intensive–learning how it all works and figuring it all out, especially in the beginning.

Mara: Yeah, definitely. So Neil did have some experience in manufacturing glasses through Vision Spring, the nonprofit where he had worked. He knew some of it.

The way our manufacturing process works is we get the materials from either Italy or Japan. We manufacture the glasses in China and then we ship them to the US. Now we have six labs across the US. They then cut each lens specifically to each customer and then ship those glasses, the completed glasses, to the customer directly from our labs.

It is a pretty complicated process and, honestly, none of us had worked in retail before, including the four founders. Setting up the technology that was necessary to track all of that inventory, to manage our customer orders in the best way, wasn’t easy. Do you know about the Home Try-On?

Craig: Yeah, but you should explain it anyway.

Mara: Cool. So the Home Try-On program, the way it works is you select five pairs and we ship them to you to try on and then you return them and can purchase your favorite on the site. So the first lab that we ever partnered with was in New York and they used to do not only do fulfillment of the glasses but our Home Try-On program as well. The way that it would work is that they would send out the Home Try-On glasses from their lab and then everything would get returned to Neil’s apartment in Philly.

Initially, it was just me going through everything and double-checking, making sure everything was good, cleaning everything and then putting it all in boxes and just carrying it over to a UPS to send it over to our lab so that they could start the whole process again.

Craig: [Laughter] That’s insane.

Mara: [Laughter] Yeah, it was pretty insane.

Craig: Were there other bottlenecks? How established were the labs and the manufacturers that you were working with?

Mara: The way that labs usually work is that they partner with an optician at a company like LensCrafters and they fulfill the glasses but then send it to that storefront who then dispenses the glasses in person to a customer. Our process was completely new to them. They had never gone through the fulfillment process of quality checking everything and making sure it was the way we wanted it to before sending it to the customer directly. We were definitely establishing that through our company and teaching all of our labs how to do this.

Craig: Were you ever involved in those conversations? Convincing the lab, “Hey, now you do this, too.”

Mara: So the lucky thing about that is there was one person at the first lab that we partnered with that really believed in our idea. It took some convincing with him but then he was really the one that was able to get all of his lab on board. Of course, it took us a lot of work to establish all of the partnerships to set up all the processes in a way we wanted.

Craig: Cool. So back to the story, you moved to New York and things are ramping up. What happens after the summer? How does it go?

Mara: I mean, so we went through the period of just crazy explosive growth in February, March, April. Then we were moving to New York and, of course, in any startup in the beginning you have step function growth, right. With us, we didn’t do any marketing in that first full year. We really grew most through word of mouth, We were really just focused on “How can we learn as much as we can from the experiences that we are providing to our customers? What can we be doing differently?” And that’s what we were really focusing on: so building all of the technology, how to build out and manage all of our inventory, how to make sure that we were running the company in the best way. We were hiring a few more people at that point. We hired our first tech employee.

Craig: Wait, what?

Mara: Yeah, so we were only working with a consultant until the end of 2010.

Craig: [Laughter] So the whole first year was on some consultant guy’s website? That’s amazing.

Mara: Yeah, so it was on NetSuite. Our contact there made it all work. But at that point we were still answering all of our phone calls through Google Voice to our cell phones. Everybody was in one inbox in Gmail.

Craig: [Laughter]

Mara: It was pretty insane. You know the labels that you use in Gmail? We would use labels with our names. Just put a label and say, “Okay. Royce, Brian, Lee, Colleen, Mara.” And you would just assign the top 10, middle 10, things like that. And we would just make it work.

Craig: And so now are you becoming more of a manager?

Mara: In March of 2010, I was already a manager but still very much a doer because I was managing the operations team but still doing office management and talent and inventory and all of that kind of stuff as well. I think it wasn’t until much later on that I was fully able to hire for all of those different roles. It was very much just managing all of our folks within the operations team to make sure that we were just fulfilling orders and managing our customer’s experiences as best as possible.

Craig: You’ve been there for six years at this point. How’s your role changed?

Mara: A lot. I mean, it’s been an awesome journey, lots of learnings along the way. I think what’s been most exciting about Warby Parker is that we continue to grow at this crazy pace and we’re just always going through growing pains and trying to figure out what’s the next big step and how do you deal with that next big step. Going from startup mode and being very reactive to everything that gets thrown your way because you don’t really know when to expect that next big push, that next big craze. It’s been awesome to be able to have more processes in place, better systems that we can count on. We’re not just on one inbox anymore and we have a real phone system with lots of hard data which is awesome.

Craig: Okay, and how many people are you now?

Mara: So companywide, we’re over 900 people and that includes our employees from our 40 retail stores that we now have.

We started thinking we were only going to sell online but then through lots of different experiments with the showrooms we found that our customers did really like getting access to all of the glasses and getting that assistance in person and that we could also learn a lot from those interactions in person with those customers. So we started experimenting with a few stores. We launched our first store in 2013 and then have been expanding since then.

Craig: So what did you learn from customers trying on in a store vs the Home Try-On data?

Mara: First, observing them and what glasses they’re gravitating towards, how they shop. So usually, people in the past have gone through face shape but a lot of people don’t even know what their face shape is. It is a little hard for people to understand that. So do you organize by bolder and more classics? By different color styles? So we were able to see how customers interacted with those glasses and how we were setting them up in person allowed us to further understand how to couple those glasses together and how to talk about them, how to create better stories around those types of glasses.

Craig: Do you have thoughts on what your personal future ambitions are?

Mara: To be honest, I never thought I would stick around at a company for more than two years, right? Everybody jumps around every two years, nowadays especially. So it’s been six and a half years and I continue loving it as much as I did in day one. It’s just a combination of continued learning and growing and the amazing culture. That just keeps me coming back for more and I know that we do have a lot of really exciting plans for the future (we’re opening our own lab in upstate New York soon) plus this continued expansion into retail. We opened our first store in Canada this year.

There’s just so much more that we can do. Our brand awareness in New York, in California, is pretty high but throughout the rest of the country and potentially rest of the world, there’s a huge opportunity there. It really feels like we’re still just getting started. And there are so many more opportunities for the company and so many more opportunities for me to continue to learn and develop myself and continue to add value to the growing organization. So that keeps me around.

Craig: What does that mean? How do you want to continue to develop yourself?

Mara: I mean… I have about a 150 people on my team. I’ve never managed a 150 people before. Actually, Warby Parker was the first experience that I had managing anyone. So continuing to grow my team and scale my team, making sure that we’re investing in our employees in the best way while we continue to learn how to scale the organization in the best way, and the way that I do that is making sure that I’m a better leader every day.

I just continue to expose myself to other companies that have gone through this growth before, have done what we have done before, continue to read a lot of books, just developing myself in any way possible.

Craig: Most people in the world have not managed 150 people. And, I mean, you’re easy to have a conversation with but I imagine there are other things that aren’t your strong suit, right? So what did you have to learn along the way?

Mara: Everything.

Craig: [Laughter] Okay. How about–what was counterintuitive for you?

Mara: I don’t know. Let’s see. That’s a really good question. So I am very much a planner and I like to be very organized in everything that I do. I think in the beginning it was a lot more stressful to not be able to have everything planned out. You just have to roll with the punches and you just have to figure things out as they get thrown at you. And so eventually you then get used to that culture and then you have to break out of that and go into process mode and make sure that you have really great processes in place so everybody in the organization is empowered to take action in a way that’s consistent throughout the entire organization.

A lot of what I learned is around lean, Six Sigma thinking and how to implement it into daily practices. You have to realize that everything isn’t going to be exactly the way you want it and how you would do it. But if you are able to have enough processes in place and enough structure in place with enough guiding posts like strategic objectives and milestone metrics and core values, then you empower everyone to take action, to make decisions and learn on their own. Then you can then help them learn through the great decisions or bad ones and, of course, correct from there.

That’s been more of the learning challenge. As you grow into a leader and, of course, as the team continues to grow, making sure that those ideas seep through to all of the layers of the organization.

Craig: Yeah, each person on a hundred-person team is not as effective or easy to evaluate as each person on a ten person team, right? So you’re not 10X more productive and managing that process does make a lot of sense. As your ambitions scale, do you feel that you have founder-type ambitions in you at some point?

Mara: Potentially? I mean, I’ve learned so much here and I feel like if I did want to, that I would be able to start a company myself. Nothing planned for the moment but potentially, one day.

Craig: Anyway, so the founders were all dudes, right?

Mara: Yep.

Craig: So you were obviously the first female hire. What’s that dynamic like?

Mara: I don’t know. I think it’s just hard to really put myself in those shoes just because in every experience I have had even before Warby, I haven’t had that much of an issue with being the only woman in the workplace and having to just work that much harder to speak up or to assert myself or something like that. Once we moved to New York, the two other guys became board members and stepped out of day to day operations and it was really only the two co-CEOs that stayed on board. And so maybe that’s why it didn’t feel very daunting.

Craig: Interesting. Ok, let’s move on then. What books are you reading right now? Are you a business book person?

Mara: Yes, most recently I’ve been reading a couple of HBRs business books which are compilations of great articles – HBR’s 10 Must Reads on Managing Yourself and HBR’s 10 Must Reads on Managing People – and my personal favorite which I’m having my entire team read right now is How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Craig: Cool. So we usually ask people about lessons learned. Maybe you could break that up into first employee learnings and general learnings?

Mara: Sure. So learnings from early days, first. I think that the most successful people that I’ve seen in startup settings are people that have no ego. They just know that shit needs to get done. You really just need to put your head down and figure things out and just make it work. So hauling boxes to UPS or cleaning glasses or when we got a batch of bad glasses, going through them and realizing that they were all bad and counting them up and then sending them back. So you just need to make the time and you just need to do it and you need to figure out how to do it in the best way. But working at a startup is really hard and it’s more than a hundred hours a week. It’s all consuming and you just have to be ready for it.

I think that those are sort of just my general learnings from startup life. It’s not for everyone. And I guess in terms of growing into the position that I am today and moving forward, I think part of the learnings that I’ve taken away from the last six and a half years in terms of hiring for your team, is that you need to focus more on the behaviors that you’re hiring for.

We really believe in hiring passionate, curious, proactive people rather than people that have the specific skills or experience that maybe you’re hoping to get because in the end, if the person doesn’t fit into at least those three behaviors at Warby Parker, they’re just not going to be successful. And we are a company that moves quickly and we want to be able to depend on everyone to be a problem solver and to think in a proactive manner. You can always teach the other things. I can always give somebody exposure to going to a conference or sitting down with somebody from a different company that has done these specific roles before. But you really do need to hire for behaviors and if you make a mistake, it’s better to call it quits sooner rather than later.

Craig: And what about hiring people that aren’t like you?

Mara: It’s also a very much of a learning process and you have to learn how to manage to everyone’s personality. You have to understand what you’re hiring that person for and then how to manage them in the best way to use those skills that you really hired them for and then supplement what they don’t have.

Craig: Last question. Would you consider yourself a good manipulator of people?

Mara: That is a really bad way of putting it.

Craig: [Laughter]

Mara: You mean like influencing people?

Craig: No. I mean, you can call it whatever you want but I think “manipulation” is unfairly cast in a negative light and is different. I think it’s actually one of the strongest skill sets someone can have. I think “influence” might work toward a similar output but the input is different . Anyway, I look around and there are certain people that are obviously good at it and certain people that aren’t great and certain people where you’re like, “I don’t know if you’re really good or terrible.”

Mara: So, honestly, I’ve learned how to be better in the last six years. I know initially the whole political games in an organization killed me. It really killed me to think you had to speak in a way or you had to manipulate people to get your job done. But through the advice of a colleague I read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie and learned that it’s not necessarily about manipulating people to get your job done, but how to influence others in a way that everyone wins in the end.

It’s hard, but a lot of practice has helped me get better. I think I can still get better, but I’ve definitely made a lot of strides in the last few years. I feel like it’s something that people just have to continue working on…

Craig: Well, I mean, perhaps this is obvious but these things, these interviews, are like therapy sessions for me as I’m figuring shit out.

Mara: [Laughter]

Craig: [Laughter] But really, that challenge of figuring out how steer a group of people that you may not completely vibe with is fascinating to me. Anyway, this has been super fun. Thanks so much for your time.

Mara: This was a lot of fun.

Craig: Totally. Thanks Mara!

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asrarblog · 5 years

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Continued from Previous……

The two things to happen after lockdown are #Stay at Home and #Work from Home. The #Flexible Hours is squeezed in between. These are new and first for everyone. The reactions are therefore highly variable.

First the difference between SAH and WFH.

#Stay at Home is for those jobs who cannot work at all. Sales teams, customer services teams, public dealing teams, front desk staff, operational teams if the plant is closed, transport staff, daily wage labors, and so on. Such staff has no provision for work during lockdown and are forced to stay at homes. It may be called ‘forced holiday’ which may turn out to be unpaid for some.

#Work from Home is for those who can keep working from a distance. They can collaborate online or through phones and can do most of their work online. HR, Accounts, IT, Marketing, Planning, Procurement are some examples of this kind. Software houses are already used to working with teams which are placed at various locations and they are least affected. #Work from Home is basically a change of location; the work largely remains the same.

There are practical issues in #Work from Home in Pakistan.

Majority of offices and businesses in Pakistan do not work online. The use of computer is mostly for keeping the data there, and even this use is not universally adopted. You will still find plenty of workplaces doing everything manually, and on paper.

A small fraction of lager companies is using ERP; SAP has become quite popular in this class. It is an entirely different debate if implementation of SAP is really helping in decision making or paperless environment; generally, none. Even among companies using SAP/Oracle or like, the software runs on inhouse servers, apparently for security reasons. Work online is not possible.

Authorization is still done on paper, even where an advanced ERP is installed. The document is printed and signed by various competent authorities.

Pharma companies have received exemption from lockdown and have better options. Others have no option other than stopping altogether or violating the lockdown.

#Work from Home therefore is rendered useless to a large extent due to our specific work environment and practices.

The other problem is attitude. It is almost impossible for most entrepreneurs to pay to their staff while they sit home and do nothing. It will require a lion’s heart and we are not known for such courtesy. Our business owners would still spend millions in charity to ward off the ‘Evil Virus’ but will not pay to workless people.

Two scenarios are emerging early.

For businesses, which have received exemption, there is a tendency to call as many people as can be done. The tendency is not limited to the CEOs; the managers are also displaying this attitude. They themselves are coming and calling their entire staff also.

For businesses which are not exempted, the decision is in suspense. The mood is not very pleasant, and we can keep fingers crossed about what will come out of it.

The additional concern is about the exact length of lockdown. Almost everyone echoes the sentiment that the lockdown till 7th April is the first episode; further extension will surely come. Another couple of weeks? Or more? Small businesses may not be able to sustain and may resort to cost cutting through layoffs and salary cuts. Larger ones are in a better situation to cope, unless they decide not to.

#Stay at Home therefore is a matter of anxiety for many. #Work from Home has limited practical application, but it is worth clinging to.

What should the #Stay at Home should do?

Those who are in this group must utilize this time to enhance their existing skills or learning new skills which would increase their value at the current job or for acquiring new job, if they have to. This is applicable to most office and white-collar jobs. Please do not consider it as holiday; consider that you have been suspended from job and you have to prove your worth to get it back.

Blue-Collar workers, if skilled, can also use the same principle. Skilled workers do have higher value and may not suffer later. Unskilled labor may not face too many problems. After the lockdown is lifted, they will be back to work, though they may have to suffer during this period.

#Work from Home needs a rigorous protocol and routine. Very detailed guidelines are coming from diverse sources which are addressing pertinent points. I recently received a similar communication from Liz Kislik. She is a long-time management consultant and contributor to Harvard Business Review and Forbes. I am honored to be a fellow ReXer (Recognized Expert) with her. It is over to her for her recommendations. [Quote]

Create a schedule or routine. A little bit of flexible structure gives you something to hang on to. If you’re working from home, just labeling chunks of time can make the day feel saner and safer, like stepping-stones in a rushing river — even if you can’t stick to the plan.

Keep moving. Your body is made for movement, not for hunching over your laptop (as I admit I’m doing right this minute). In almost any size space you can jog or step in place and stretch. When you let your body do its work it will feel better about supporting the rest of you.

Seek beauty and pleasure. Everyone’s under pressure, including people who are still in denial about the pandemic’s reality. It’s amazing how a few minutes of intentional enjoyment — looking at the evening sky, listening to your favorite music, stroking a pet, or tasting something delicious — can improve your mood.

Stay in touch. Meet online, or reach out to colleagues you don’t think about every day but actually care about. If you’ve got a remote team, gather them for a quick morning coffee, a daily check-in, or a virtual happy hour. Schedule regular calls with loved ones, because if it’s on your calendar, you’re more likely to keep the appointment and get that boost of human contact.

Pause. Whenever you find yourself feeling scattered, making mistakes, or cycling repetitively through your thoughts, just hold still for a minute. Rest, right where you are. Let everything settle into the ground. Exhale all the way. Then inhale and exhale again. Let the cobwebs clear, and then return a bit more peacefully to whatever’s in front of you.

Create order. Because you’re out of routine, it’s easy to lose track and let work stuff comingle with home stuff, maybe even pick up a few Legos, until everything in your life feels like a mess. Consciously clean up a little after each chunk of time or activity so your space and your person both feel less overwhelmed.

Compartmentalize. Sometimes you just need to stop thinking about how bad things are, and how frightening it would be if your imagined worst-case scenario came true. Deliberately tell yourself, “I’ve spent enough time on that worry today. I’ll think about it again tomorrow,” and then focus fully only on what’s happening now.

Help someone else. No matter how unsettled you feel, doing something kind for someone else can raise your spirits — or at the very least, provide a distraction. Call elderly neighbors, contribute to an organization you care about, or buy a gift certificate from a local business that can use the cash while people aren’t out shopping.

Think about something interesting. Too much news can flip you from well-informed to absolutely flooded by agitation and hopelessness. Instead, set off little sparks in your brain by learning something new. Revving your brainpower positively can help trigger fresh ideas about some of the ongoing challenges you’re facing.

Express love for your loved ones, for strangers, and for yourself. Your willingness to believe and feel that other human beings are worthy of love and care can lift you out of many a hole. And accepting that you yourself are worthy of love and care can remind you to feel compassion for your own frailties and mistakes and let others support you.

Yes, we’re all experiencing a hard time, and it’s not likely to end quickly. But it is possible to withstand, cope, and even to grow in the face of these dire threats. [unquote]

Continued……

COVID19; Stay at Home, Work from Home – Part V – Blog Post #308 by Asrar Qureshi Continued from Previous…… The two things to happen after lockdown are #Stay at Home and #Work from Home.

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chaorelance · 7 years

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So, Story time. Kinda been a while.

So like, I’m not fully sure where we left off- but we’re in the Chi Days. Everyone is erping all the time, every time. And that includes...a number of people I haven’t talked about before now. And Nathan.

But first! Lightening Interlude: Gal once really, REALLY wanted me to try School Days, and was doing the obnoxious part of hiding the twist. I literally just found it so boring and he could never convince me to watch it and then a few years later I learned about boats.

I’m sure he still regrets it to this day, that lovable hoodlum.

ANYWAY so. The base group of people for Chi’s games, that basically stood to the end was... kind of five people. Not including his Cousin, they had a falling out like I said. Me, Resaiyu, and Nathan were 3/5. The remaining two people were ‘Kiba’ (he had numbers after his name, but I forget them. Also yes, after the naruto character.) and ‘Hensou’.

I liked Kiba, actually. He got along pretty well with everyone even if as i’ll later explain, he was a troublemaker. I think he kinda liked me too, but like I said- dude was friendly to everyone. But he stuck damn well to Hensou, especially during this time.

I have only said one other time I outright hated a person in these stories, even if I look back and say a few were not very good people.

For the most part, I absolutely fucking loathed Hensou to my very being. I do not mean this jestingly. I have absolutely fucking NEVER hated a person like I did Hensou. I say this even with respect to the future, where I will meet someone who literally triggered the worst years of my life.

Hensou was, to put it kindly, a shit-stirrer. Kiba was his right-hand, but I assure you Kiba without Hensou was a harmless and generally good-natured guy. But Hensou just wanted to start shit all the fucking time. He was antagonistic in the most ‘unoffensive’ manner in that he would always imply what he was saying and never say it. The only time he jumped was when he had a smoking gun, and that’s a great story we’re saving for another time.

The main reason I hated him, as much of a piece of shit he was, was not this though.

I’m going to give you a moment to guess how that kind of person, an antagonistic piece of shit who would LOVE a boundary between what he’s doing and himself, would roleplay like in this environment.

Yeah.

Hensou, obviously played a villian all the time. He played that role so hard you could’ve sworn he was a Heel and the ERP session were an elaborate Wrestling Roleplay League or some shit. Ladder match between Nathan and Hensou, this sunday night! (Spoilers, Nathan was always Cena.)

But, well.

Most importantly, without a doubt, Hensou played a rapist, basically. There were probably like, times he wasn’t doing that and was just twirling his mustache, but he had that mentality where the bad thing in an ERP had to be rape.

Little Bun Blue was if one thing, overly attached to these fictional worlds, because frankly they were all he had. Unhealthily so. Thus, Hensou, who would always play a rapist, was the one person he couldn’t forgive.

I never got to take a swing at him in game though. Like, Little Bun Blue was not fucking subtle because there are things I can’t forgive and rape slowly edged it’s way up that list.

I would’ve fucking won though, I promise. Little Bun Blue was on a warpath with that shit.

...But well, Hensou rarely if ever took consequence for his shit, even in game. He was always ‘too slippery’ and even when he came across PCs, I don’t think we ever caught up with him that often.

Even worse though, he had his desired effect though. Pretty quickly... well, uh. Look, Chi was like I said not a smart man, but an edgy man.

Rape started happening a LOT more eventually. There were always NPCs worryingly close to going for it, even if I don’t think many succeeded, and I don’t think Chi ever took after our ‘marks’ or whatever (oh god please help me I almost vomited on that one). But it became a lot more prevalent from... everybody.

...I’d like to say I was an exception, I really do. But peer pressure is really, really, strong and everyone eventually started noting that Little Bun Blue was maybe a bit too on the lawful good side.

...so, eventually, one day, i role up a character in a shitty Vampire/Werewolf session. A vampire because sure, yeah, I’m down with Mind Control. Makes everything easier.

I feel a little sick discussing it in full, but suffice to say I basically ended up failing utterly and by the end of things I was somehow in a loving consensual relationship with another vampire as the world burned to the ground around us, and we’ll leave it at that! No other details needed! Lets move on folks!

The absolute fucking pinnacle of this shit, though, is a story worth telling.

So, Nathan and the crew (me included) are all EDGY REBELS trying to overtake the empire or some shit. For the most part, we’re succeeding and have captured a BIG Enemy general, biggest threat.

But Nathan, being Captain Chaotic Good is like, taken with this girl. Because yeah sure, things aren’t her fault and brainwashing. I don’t give a fuck she’s our enemy and that ain’t changing.

I want to stab her and get it done with, we have a rebellion to lead.

Nathan, though, comes up with a ridiculous idea that if she’s pregnant, she’ll have to quit the army.

Please let that sink in.

He wanted to impregnate an enemy general instead of killing her.

Suffice to say, OOC fucking exploded because for fuck’s SAKE JUST KILL HER WHAT THE FUCK. I might’ve made the cut if I focused less on ‘RAPE IS BAD’, but Rape is Bad and this was fucking ridiculous.

Everyone else is mostly down to clown though, and Nathan, one of my last bastions of sanity, basically outright tells me ‘My mother was raped once and she said it was totally not all that bad’. And that kids, is how I know, ‘yes, rape culture is a fucking real as shit thing good fucking god’.

And in the end, this all ends up for fucking naught because then he tries to abuse her naivety to make her think she’s pregnant from a kiss.

It solved like, fucking nothing because then she just left promising to come back and kill us and then herself or some shit and i’m just here like ‘SURE WISH WE STABBED HER NOW HUH GUYS’.

And that’s the kind of lunacy that things devolved to, and that in a large part is why shit involving rape tends to raise my ire.

So yeah, that was like a year+ of my life still.

I think, eventually, Hensou kind of chilled out, and I think we started acting fake pals just for Kiba’s sake (or both just got tired of our feud, as I was slowly becoming JADED BUN and he was doing less shit so whatevs.)

But like, I don’t think I’ll ever take it in me to forgive the guy.

Fuck you, Ghost of Hensou. Wherever you’ve floated to.

#Chaore's Tragic Backstory #part 11: BUNS OF FURY #tw: rape

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psychotherapyconsultants · 7 years

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Got Anxious Kids? Be Brave!

Besides being loving and patient, parents need to be brave when their children are anxious. This may be one of the most difficult things you do when you see your kids struggle. In the long run, your courage will be one of the crucial elements in helping your children overcome their anxiety. Listed below are the When, Why, and How of becoming a valiant parent everyday.

WHEN do you need to be brave?

WHEN:

It seems that for the thousandth time you’ve asked your child to do a simple task and he refuses because he feels overwhelmed.

A slight change in her routine sets her off, and you choose not to yell or punish her.

He gets injured and his anxiety magnifies his aches and shouts.

A meltdown crops up and you just want to escape to prevent embarrassment and judgment from others.

She can’t complete her homework because perfectionism has emerged and your patience runs thin and you withhold criticisms and threats.

You know he has a bright and amazing mind yet he is failing in school.

You have to be consistent and firm because it’ll take more than once for her to get used to hard things.

You want to cry along with them because you wish you could take away their pain.

Every time and everywhere!

WHY do you need to be brave?

BECAUSE:

You don’t want to convey a message that says, “I don’t trust you to regulate your feelings. You need me every time you are afraid.”

You’d rather take a chance and be criticized or feel embarrassed rather than send a message that says, “It’s okay to avoid difficult situations.”

You may choose to work on your confidence as a parent, rather than let your guilt get in the way of your children’s ability to develop confidence in themselves.

If you rescue them, they’ll never understand that struggle creates strength.

We were built with the capability to get used to many things. For example, our eyes can get used to the dark and our ears can get used to loud sounds. Our bodies can get used to different temperatures. We can get used to discomfort and new experiences and our children can too!

When you bail them out of their discomfort, they’ll want to be saved again and again. Being comfortable and cozy is the preferred mode for all of us. However, there is real life! The sooner they learn to manage their anxiety, the healthier and happier they will be.

You need to be the strong one, as they can’t think straight in the middle of an anxious storm.

HOW can you be brave?

1. Validate their feelings.

Acknowledge how your children feel in difficult circumstances. Examples: “It sounds like you are worried about the birthday party because your stomach is hurting right now.” “It can be scary meeting new people.” “Sometimes I feel worried about going to new places and meeting new people too.” “When we get worried, our stomachs get worried.”

When your children are anxious, maintain a matter of fact tone of voice as you validate their feelings. Put yourself in their situation and keep in mind your goal as a parent –for them to gain independence and confidence. Ensure that your words convey the message that you understand how they feel, that you care, and that you believe in them.

2. Be firm yet kind.

Just like you can sense how your children are feeling, they can also perceive how you feel. When you are lacking certainty in your words and actions, they will be aware. They will try to push your buttons and try everything possible to get you to free them from their distress. Validate, stay firm, be kind, and be brave!

3. Provide opportunities for new experiences.

Research indicates that the best treatment for OCD and anxiety disorders is exposure and response prevention (ERP). This means individuals can learn to proactively face their fears so their minds and bodies can get used to them. It’s recommended that ERP be done with the guidance of your child’s therapist. However, you can start by providing opportunities for your children to revisit frightening situations. When this is too difficult, meet them halfway until they are able to do it on their own.

4. Connect with your kids.

Find ways to connect emotionally and physically with your children. Research confirms that when we are under stress, we need human connection. Your anxious children need someone who will listen and understand them. You can do that as you enter their world. What are your kids’ passions and interests? Having fun and connecting with them will put savings in the emotional bank. Since withdrawals are made often, you will need to make deposits every day!

5. Practice Mindfulness.

As your children receive treatment, they will learn mindfulness skills. You can learn along with them and become present during tough times. Mindful breathing can center you and allow for more oxygen to enter your brain. This will clear your mind and remind you to be brave. As you do, your children will emulate your stance of accepting what comes with a positive attitude.

Kids can learn skills to manage their distress. However, it is the parents’ stance towards discomfort, doubt, uncertainty, and anxiety that will set the tone in the home. How do you feel about these words? If feeling anxious is also a challenge for you, you might consider counseling as well. You and your children can learn to look at scary situations in courageous ways.

Remember: Learning to manage anxiety is a process, and it doesn’t need to define your children or your life!

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/04/19/got-anxious-kids-be-brave/

#World of Psychology

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erraticfairy · 7 years