#askpoffle

[loominggaia]

Looming Gaia Trivia: Poffles

Poffles were inspired by the real-world purebred pet industry, specifically purebred dogs.

In the real world, some dogs are bred purely for aesthetic features, and over time the breed's health and behavior becomes compromised in the name of fashion.

There's a personal story attached to this one: When I was 8 or 9 years old, I visited a friend with a purebred pug. This poor animal was the most messed up creature I had ever seen; every breath was a loud wheeze, its tongue was always hanging out because it wouldn't physically fit in the dog's mouth, its eyes were literally popping out of its head, it could barely walk without falling over, it would shit everywhere because its bowels didn't work, and hearing my friend's mom proudly go on and on about how this dog was "purebred" and "super expensive" and "the cutest breed" really affected me. I felt like this woman was so hypnotized by status, she couldn't even see how miserable this dog was. It was totally deformed and unable to survive on its own...all for the sake of human aesthetics.

When I was conceptualizing poffles, I kept thinking back to that dog. I decided to lay some dark humor over a sickening childhood experience and crank the monster's health problems to 11, making them so messed up and annoying that no one could possibly tolerate them...and yet, many people in the World of Looming Gaia practically worship them and go to great lengths to keep breeding them, just like my friend's crazy mother.

Poffles were created by the Divine of Vanity, purely for the sake of fashion. They were meant to be a cute, disposable little accessory for their owners to tote around, so no thought was put into their well-being, only their cuteness.

They're meant to serve as an annoying little mascot for the World of Looming Gaia series, parodying characters of the 70's and 80's who were designed specifically to sell toys. If you aren't familiar with media from that time period: fantasy was very in style, and oftentimes the writers would be forced to cram some annoying little critter in their show that only existed to be cute, perform funny antics, and sell toys of itself.

That's poffles. Except their cuteness is only surface-level; their behavior is nightmarish and they are not something that anyone would want to deal with in real life.

So, that's how they came to be. I think the funniest thing about them is how dark their real origins are lol.

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[loominggaia]

ZAREEN FAMILY REVIEW TIME, since Qara has one now (As dysfunctional as it is): Dunno if that was the vibe you wanted, but Qara gives off MASSIVE Onceler Vibes (From The Lorax). Emli seems like a Veruca Salt kinda kid. Bertzo is just a big dumb idiot, and Chubbins IX is so dumb lookin she's adorable. And I bet at least 1 Chubbins has died from Indiga's bigass crinoline, another from Trista and Marine's shenanigans, and one got intentionally killed by Morgause (She's that kinda ho)

THE REVIEWS ARE IN

I didn't consider the Onceler, but oh god you're right. I've never even seen that movie and I still know you're so right lol.

All those poffle deaths sound plausible to me. Morgause would totally kick one for the crime of being slightly in her way...then it explodes and gets dust all over her, and she absolutely flips her lid.

One probably fell into a punch bowl at a gala and drowned. Like...they just seem to die in the dumbest ways imaginable.

Except Chubbins IX! I imagine she is hilariously indestructible for no reason.

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[loominggaia]

could you somehow unfuck poffle genetics? Like, get rid of their health problems or at least make them somewhat, yk, viable? or are they just doomed to be little Habsburg furballs?

Theoretically, this should be possible. Some kobolds are less deformed and unhealthy than others, so I think poffle genetics could work similarly.

If someone took two of the healthiest, most robust poffles and bred them, then bred the healthiest pofflets from that litter, and so on, I think eventually they'd end up with a more genetically resilient breed.

It would take a long time, but I say it's doable. Alternatively, a sorcerer could cast spells on a poffle to give it more desirable traits.

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[loominggaia]

I made a poffle shirt!

I saw this on the subreddit! It's so cute, I love it!

Everyone check it out! How cool is this!

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[loominggaia]

Does evangelion have poffles

Evangeline Kingdom has banned all monsters from entering its borders, including harmless ones likes poffles. Any monster that is caught within Evangeline's territory is destroyed on sight.

Some people still attempt to smuggle monsters in, and sometimes they get away with it for many years. So, I'm sure some Evangelites are secretly keeping poffles as pets, but they know they will be in big trouble if they're caught.

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[loominggaia]

razzek They're the pets I wanted as a kid omg XD

--kid-az If they weren’t so fragile you could play tennis with these goofy things.

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sirenc0re What really gets me about these things is that they cant even love you. Im no stranger to loving something that doesnt love you back (TALKING ABOUT PETS) but at least theres a possibility... souless monsters

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You can't eat them, you can't use them as tennis balls, and they can't even love you...when people say poffles are "Gaia's most useless creatures", they really ain't kidding! They're so delightfully WORTHLESS! :D

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[loominggaia]

Has there ever been/will there ever be/is there a monster that has just 100% been beneficial to the environment and society? Like, no downside?

That's an excellent question, but it's hard to answer because what's "beneficial" can be highly subjective.

A monster might be beneficial in one region but detrimental in another. It might be beneficial to one group of people but detrimental to another. Maybe it has a symbiotic relationship with another creature, but a parasitic relationship to another.

So I will say no, there is no monster which is 100% beneficial to everyone/everything else around it. The nature of monsters is that they are synthetic, meaning there is no place for them in Gaia's natural environment. They did not evolve into their niche like other creatures, they were hamfistedly crammed into the world by divines for their own personal gain.

Maybe they're not "beneficial", but I would say poffles are probably the most "inconsequential" monster. They make some people happy and annoy others, but they don't actually harm anyone or anything. They don't hurt the environment because they can't survive in the wild anyway. If it weren't for peoples meddling in their reproduction, they would quickly die out. They're too stupid to hunt and so clumsy that they could barely hurt an insect even if they tried.

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[loominggaia]

yuppe to be fair though, many real life animals sometimes seem like they're actively TRYING to die. Some fish species come to mind.

Poffles are like the pandas of Looming Gaia...people try so hard to prevent their extinction, but those MFs blatantly reject life at every turn.

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[loominggaia]

Poffle owners are honestly exceptional among individuals. Only they will see a creature as worthless and prone to death as the Poffle and be like “Damn, I’m gonna spend my life raising them and making sure they don’t die!” I get the sense that if they put their minds onto something outside of raising Poffles, they would solve most of Gaia’s problems!

Curing cancer?

Yawn.

Solving world hunger?

Snooze.

Doting over an annoying little monster that doesn't benefit the world in any way, shape, or form?

They are special individuals indeed!

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[loominggaia]

I want a poffle tbh :3

That's what everyone says at first, Anon...

Then you find yourself awake at 4AM scrambling eggs because the little fucker won't stop yapping, and you realize you've lost control of your life.

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[loominggaia]

razzek "As far as the World Athenium knows" hhnnng don't put ideas like that in my head XD Man, the first monster divine feels like that could be such a trip and I am so weak for literal (acknowledged as such) manmade gods XD  It's probably one of the useless critters though (I can't brain today and forgot their name arg! Poffle? Puffin? The fluffy blobs that die if you look at them wrong but everyone loves them). Nobody knows it's a divine and it's too stupid to know either :D 

RAZZ YOU'RE A GENIUS

All hail Random Poffle, Divine of the Unlikely!

The closest thing we have to a divine monster currently is Isaac. Karenza made him out of clay from Gaia, the blood of Darshaan and herself, and the bones of her lost child. Then she asked Reaper to take her soul out of her divine body and install it into Isaac's mortal monster body.

Does this technically make Isaac a divine monster? World Athenaeum scientists would have a heated debate about this...but at the end of the day, they would probably consider him "an artificial vessel carrying a divine soul", no different from a soul trapped inside a crystal or something. This "crystal" just happens to walk and talk.

Meanwhile Isaac and his friends just consider him a "person". I think those eggheads at the Athenaeum tend to overthink things, personally...

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[loominggaia]

Now that you've given me permission to ask questions, I shall do so unrelentingly until I can't think of anything else. So, two things:

First off, you've mentioned Sygbarnes condition a few times, but how 'there' is she? Would you say that Sygbarne has High Matenince Autism? I personally have Low Matenince Autism (I've actually hyperfixated on Looming Gaia a little lol) and Sygbarne reminds me alot of how autistic individuals are treated irl, so I was wondering if she's a metaphor (is that the right word?) for that.

Second of all, I read that youre okay with fanart and stuff, but would you be all right with me needle felting a Poffle? It's basically like making a sculpture out of wool.

Go for it! I'm always hyped to answer LG questions, they only make the lore deeper!

Sygbarne's exact condition is never named, and honestly I imagine she doesn't even have a proper diagnosis, considering the doctors she's seen are all woo-warriors who pretend they can "cure" whatever it is with crystals and herbs and shit. I'm not autistic myself so I'm not sure if I can accurately say that's what she has, but I will say a few things for certain about her condition:

Her ability to speak and reason is about on par with a toddler. As far as awareness goes, she's only as aware of her situation as a 3-year-old would be. She lacks significant understanding of the world, but is also intelligent enough to know that something is wrong with the way people treat her, even if she can't figure out exactly what that is. She is not only treated like a lab rat by her doctors, but also incredibly sheltered. Her parents are the only source of affection she gets, and their visits are pretty infrequent. I imagine it must frustrate her a lot, and her constant wailing is probably her expressing that frustration.

She cannot be cured because she doesn't have a disease, this is just how she was born. Gultopp and Juvella sought the world's top doctors at first, but of course they all told them that Sygbarne's condition will not change and they just have to accept her as she is. Gultopp and Juvella did not like that answer and refused to accept it, so they instead turned to sketchy quacks who promised they could improve her condition.

These doctors are nothing more than scam artists preying on the royal family's desperation. Their treatments range from benign and pointless to downright harmful. They string the royal family along with lines like "Oh, it takes many treatments to start working" or "Hmm, she's a stubborn case! Looks like she needs another year of this therapy before we see improvement..."

And Gultopp and Juvella just go along with it, because they feel they have no other choice. If only they would get over themselves and their unrealistic expectations, they could give Sygbarne the happier, healthier life she deserves.

I don't think Sygbarne's situation is hopeless though. Her sister Blomi is very curious about the wailing she hears in the castle, and one day I think she'll crack this mystery and somehow help her sister.

(Because lord knows Hestal ain't gonna be the one to do it...Gultopp and Juvella express disappointment in Sygbarne for being a "useless" child, while completely ignoring how utterly useless their neurotypical, able-bodied son is in every way lmao...he's the one they should be ashamed of, not Sygbarne.)

I never had a specific condition in mind for Sygbarne because it was never really the point of her story, but maybe a real diagnosis would flesh out the lore and help the character feel more real. If you feel that high-maintenance autism is a good fit for her, then that is what her condition will be. I would like input from actual autistic people before I commit to this idea, just to make sure I get the details correct and don't upset anyone, so any feedback is very helpful and appreciated! All suggestions can be sent to the ask box.

As for the second question, oh my god I would FLIP if you made a needle felted poffle! That sounds so freakin cute, please go for it! Please share it when you're done, I would absolutely love to see it!!

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[loominggaia]

I have a weird question. How do poffles procreate? Asexually or no? Do they lay eggs? They seem like they're pretty not-smart so do the owners need to help if it takes two to tango? Do the babies nurse or are they more like birds?

Poffles mate in a manner similar to dogs, but their anatomy makes that very difficult--and in some cases, downright impossible to achieve naturally.

I imagine their owners see them trying to jump on eachother and "help them out" from time to time. If it weren't for poffle breeders, this creature would have gone extinct a long time ago. They only procreate because people want them to.

The funny thing about poffles is that they are all hermaphrodites, meaning they have both male and female sex organs. Every poffle can get pregnant and also get other poffles pregnant. They give birth to a litter of 2-4 pofflets after a couple months.

It's very common for these creatures to die during the birthing process because their anatomy is, quite frankly, a damn mess. One minute the poffle is squeezing out babies, then suddenly it explodes into a cloud of dust and fluff. Sometimes this causes a chain reaction of all the babies exploding too.

So, let's all salute our local poffle breeders, for the shit they put up with is constant and immense. o7

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[loominggaia]

How many poffle did miliko create, also what does he think of them now?

Even Miliko doesn't remember exactly how many he created. He must have churned out a few dozen at least, because he wanted all of his models to carry one during a special fashion show.

Miliko hated them then and he still hates them now. In fact, he hates them even more now because people have bred the poffles and spread them all over the world, which is causing the Peoples' Protection League to harass him on a regular basis. He regrets ever forging them.

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[loominggaia]

Will a poffle ever get involved in the main series? Like one either they come into the ownership of one or are on a contract that involves a poffle somehow? Also if they became poffle owners who long would they be able to handle the poffles “quirks”? And how long would it take until until shadow tries to eat it, if she would even try?

Yes! I plan on featuring every creature on the blog in at least one story. Poffles won't show up for quite some time as I draft about 10 stories in advance before writing them, but I do have some ideas for them later on in the series.

If you're talking about the Freelance Good Guys, well, Isaac would absolutely love poffles. The rest of the Guys would just be annoyed by their constant yapping and shitting. I had a vague idea for a story where they had to escort a bunch of poffles somewhere and the job was just hell on earth, but that's literally all I got. I haven't drafted anything yet.

Shadow would try to eat a poffle once...and only once. Because it would explode into dust in her mouth, and she'd learn the hard way that they're horrible even as food.

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[loominggaia]

Would it be possible for someone to create an improved poffle? Give them ears, a more robust digestive system and a functional brain? Or would this take away from the adorable little abominations charm?

I'm sure it's possible. The real question is: who would want to? I'm not sure myself, and after seeing what a "failure" poffles turned out to be, I don't know that any divine would risk trying to improve on them. Things can always get worse, you know...maybe even deadly.

What I'm saying is: killer poffles. Coming to a city near you!

(I would like to see Disgrace give it a shot tbh)

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