#askfunny

[loominggaia]

These replies damn near killed me lmao

I LOVE the idea of Morgause getting offended when someone implies she's anything less than a deplorable maniac.

"What do you mean I 'wouldn't eat a baby'?! I'd eat a thousand babies! Ten thousand! Alive! I'd pluck them right out of an orphanage, set the place on fire, and cackle maniacally while I stuffed them down my gullet--and how dare you think otherwise! You don't know me, you ingrate! >80"

Then she swishes her cape dramatically as she heads for the exit, kicking a poffle like a football on the way out.

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[0l0x]

Anonymous asked:

Different anon here. I don’t think plankton would be that big a threat. He has no reason to attack Gaia unless it would somehow help him get the secret formula. And even if he did attack it wouldn’t be long until his plan enviably fails and backfires on him. Spongebob however is defiantly a lot more dangerous! The little square bundle of chaos may not mean harm but he sure knows how to bring mayhem. He’d probably have half of Gaia burned to the ground by the end of the week, all of it if he’s in

 Boat. Patrick’s abit of a wild card, he might help spread the accidental chaos, or he might be to lazy to do anything. Sandy would probably just study Gaia, trying to figure out how the strange flora/fauna and magic work scientifically. And Mr. Krabs would fit right in Zareen empire. Idk what squidward would do? Probably just go to matuzu at try to be an artist their and fail as he always does? What are your interpretations of this and how this may work?

I appreciate your in-depth Spongebob/LG crossover analysis, Anon. Academic scholars everywhere are taking notes!

Honestly I haven’t watched Spongebob in like 15 years so I have no idea. But I could definitely see Squidward hanging out with some artsy cecaelia in Matuzu’s art district and getting shunned for his horrible clarinet playing. That’s good shit.

[loominggaia]

Silly question. Which of the guys would be interested in trying the “The Luther” from the boondocks? A full pound burger patty covered in cheese, grilled onions, 5 strips of bacon and two Krispy Kreme doughnut for buns?

Evan:

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[loominggaia]

Considering the racism between gold and silver dwarves, how’s this character concept sound? Dworf uncle ruckus. A fat, ugly, extremely racist silver dworf who’s convinced he’s a gold dworf, but has “revitigo” that makes him silver. He’s always spitting straight up S-teir professional racism towards silvers, hating them to his core. Despite himself being 102% silver (with a 2% margin of error).

I'm always a slut for Boondocks references lol

Truthfully, there are some delusional and self-loathing peoples like this in the Looming Gaia universe. They may not accept the species or race they are, might reject their nationality, or ethnicity, or some other quality about themselves.

Tojum is a character who hated herself for being a kobold. Kobolds are considered the lowliest creatures in Seelie society, so Tojum was taught early on that she was ugly and unworthy of good things. Eventually she escaped that culture and learned to have confidence in herself, but I think that rejection of her own species still lingers within her.

Mr. Ocean also struggles with this. He was mistreated and misunderstood by other cecaelia his whole life, and so he decided that they are all malicious creatures. He's probably the closest thing to an Uncle Ruckus in the series, because he rejects his own species, and on some level he really believes he transformed into a Terrian when he grew legs. He's a very passive and agreeable character in general, but around other cecaelia his whole demeanor changes. He suddenly gets kinda rude and shitty. It's a defense mechanism, I imagine.

Then there is Ginger and Itchy...They both distrust other satyrs, though Ginger isn't as open about this as Itchy is. Itchy will just blatantly say that satyrs are all lazy, thieving, hedonists. Ginger may not say it out loud, but her behavior towards her kind can say it all. Hell, they don't even trust eachother half the time.

Ginger knows it's ignorant and is at least trying to teach her children not to think this way. Itchy, meanwhile, regularly tells his kids not to trust other satyrs because they're "feral scum".

Evan is not ashamed of his species, but he is ashamed of his national heritage as an Evangelite. He goes as far as to reject it, saying he doesn't consider himself an Evangelite even though he was born in Evangeline Kingdom. Instead, he thinks of himself as a "man of Gaia".

Lukas rips on other Matuzans pretty hard, never missing a chance to mention how corrupt/horny/greedy/whatever they are. Then again, he rips on everyone for everything, so...

Those are just some examples I can think of at the moment, I'm sure there are probably more in the series somewhere.

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[loominggaia]

Had any military leader in Gaia made bold, seemingly crazy ventures against their enemy that worked surprisingly well? Like for example Hannibal’s crossing of the alps, managing to drag a massive army and war elephants through massive icy mountains just to kick romes ass?

What a fun question!

Once when Zareen Empire and Mogdir Kingdom were at war, Zareen sent a giant bronze statue to Mogdir Capital as a peace offering. And when I say "giant", I really mean colossal! It would be the tallest, most impressive structure in Mogdir Kingdom.

Mogdir accepted it, but little did they know, this was a trick. Once it was brought to the capital city, the statue emitted a huge plume of toxic smog that covered the Arcadian Forest for weeks, enraging the local nymphs and prompting them to attack Mogdiri settlements.

In Mogdir's moment of weakness, Zareen was able to move in and do some real damage. The smog itself caused a lot of damage to soil, crops, and people for years to come. The mountain range separating the two kingdoms blocked the smog from drifting back into Zareenite territory, so they were largely shielded from the consequences.

But don't worry, Mogdir Kingdom got revenge centuries later when they agreed to release a thousand Zareenite prisoners of war. Zareen took the prisoners back into their homeland...only to find out that they had all been infected with lycanthropy. This began a wave of plague and chaos that took decades for Zareen to get under control.

There was also the time Etios Nation got so mad at Matuzu, they started a campaign to dump all the nation's sewage into the river that flows into Matuzu's Central Lake. This was incredibly expensive and inconvenient for Etios, and quite frankly...insane. But the nation's people were totally on board to #shitonmatuzu, and it didn't take long before Central Lake became a biohazard and Matuzu was forced to work out some kind of deal with Etios, granting them a big chunk of land that they still own to this day. Since then, local nymphs have prevented Etios from pulling this maneuver again, citing ecological damage. But for that brief moment in history, the Etiosi could tell Matuzu to "eat shit" and mean it!

Last but not least: the Seelie Court once had a territory dispute with the Unseelie Court (what else is new?) They were fighting over an island that sat right on the border. This island was abundant with resources, so it was valuable to them both. Queen Titania of the Seelie suggested that they break the island in half and divide the resources evenly, but Overlord Morgause was like, "FUCK U HO, EITHER I GET IT OR NO ONE DOES!" and just blew up the whole island. As in, fully wiped it off the map. Morgause didn't get any of its resources...but the important thing is, neither did Titania. B) Also thousands of innocent islanders died, but we don't talk about that...

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[loominggaia]

If every FGG's dads fought who would win? (The moms probably shouldn't fight since Karenza exists)

This is a fun question to think about! First, let's see who we're working with here...(let's all assume they're in their prime)

Foster (Evan's dad): Big, tough, mountain of a man. Farmer by trade. Mean. Picks fights for fun. Gives no fucks.

Ekwame (Lukas' dad): Tall skinny guy. Skilled in archery but otherwise not very active. Lived an easy, privileged life and has never known struggle. Probably never threw a punch in his life.

Vingevar (Glenvar's dad): We don't know much about him except that he was big and tall like most Maskamar men. The Maskamar's culture is quite aggressive, so it's safe to assume he had some fighting experience like the rest of his people.

Sebastian (Alaine's dad): Wiry little dude. Was a drug-dealing thug in his youth but cleaned himself up later. Doesn't want any trouble, just trying to get by. Definitely had a lot of scraps in his day, but nothing serious.

Darshaan (Isaac's dad): Tall, well-muscled man. Raised by soldiers, highly skilled combatant, later became a mercenary. Peaceful until he's pissed off, then resorts to violence quickly.

Nemeto (Linde's dad): Tall, twiggy guy. Cowardly. Boat salesman by trade. Born into wealth. His only "active" hobby is probably golf or something.

Eindrid (Elska's dad): Huge guy with big muscles. Skilled in combat. Not the brightest, but he is quite kind and doesn't like to resort to violence unless he has no choice.

King of Tekee (Mr. Ocean's dad): Physically burly and magically powerful. Mostly chill, but has a dark side too. A bit arrogant, not very smart, and lacks awareness.

Adel (Zeffer's dad): Tall and lean. Barkeeper with a sketchy criminal history. Barkeeper by trade. Lots of experience wrangling unruly drunk people.

I think the King of Tekee would take an easy win here. Then again, he did get killed by a random spear-toss, so it's possible that one of the other dads could take him out by surprise.

Otherwise, I think Eindrid and Darshaan would give eachother a run for their money. Eindrid is a mighty centaur and Darshaan is just a spongy human, but I still think Darshaan could eke out a victory here, just because he has a lot more actual combat experience than Eindrid. Eindrid trained a lot, but didn't see any real major battles in his lifetime.

Behind them is Vingevar and Foster, who are almost evenly matched. Vingevar would be the better combatant and probably bigger physically, but I feel like Foster's sheer stubbornness and aggression would win him the fight. Vingevar is prone to running away from his problems, apparently, while Foster charges through them like a bull.

After them, it's Adel vs. Sebastian. They come from similarly rough backgrounds, except Sebastian took the high road and Adel stayed on the low road. Because of this, I think Adel would win. He fights dirty and he's genuinely vicious, while Sebastian's kind nature would cost him the fight.

Lastly, we've got Nemeto and Ekwame...Prepare to witness the saddest, sissiest little slapfight you've ever seen. Nemeto breaks his wrist punching Ekwame, and Ekwame cuts his hand on Nemeto's teeth. It's a tie because both of them tap out.

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[loominggaia]

razzek I finally have my LG OC: a fat, well fed demon with a harem of people who find her super hot XD She's living the good life in her mansion of happy people who all pitch in to take care of each other XD

GOD THAT'S SO BASED

It's her, the notorious Thiccubus(tm)

She doesn't have to hunt anyone. The prey comes to her. B)

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[loominggaia]

let’s say Looming Gaia gets green light for a official series. However it was Netflix that picked it up, how badly do you believe they would fuck it up?

I don't think they could fuck it up any worse than it already is tbh :')

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[loominggaia]

The fgg is given unfiltered access to the internet, what kinda fuckery ensues?

Evan falls down a Wikipedia rabbit hole and is never seen again.

Lukas learns about AI art and just ragequits art altogether.

Glenvar loses all his money to OnlyFans hoes.

Alaine makes a killing as an OnlyFans ho.

Jeimos invents a new form of cryptocurrency that crashes several world economies.

Isaac joins Neopets and is slowly assimilated into the Church of Scientology.

Linde becomes an Instagram beauty influencer.

Balthazaar falls for every scam on Facebook.

Skel mods over 9,000 subreddits.

Javaan runs a bunch of Facebook scams. Has hooked and released Balthazaar multiple times.

Elska uses Twitter for 3 seconds, becomes enraged and smashes her device.

Mr. Ocean sees clickbait and clicks it, every single time.

Zeffer becomes a darkweb hitman.

Zacry has interfaced with every major social media site and generates over a hundred shitposts per second.

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[loominggaia]

kid-az Being an Ogre would mean frolicking around the forest without any fear of anyone ever bringing harm to me, and being able to do whatever I want! And by whatever I want I of course mean bathing in a river and eating bee hives.

This is so true! Ogres are often looked down upon as "big violent brutes". But this scary image also gives them freedoms that other species don't have, simply because...well, who the hell is going to stop them? They'll slap a bitch into orbit.

See an ogre chowing down on bee hives at the park? Sure it's illegal, but are you going to be the one to say something?

Didn't think so.

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[loominggaia]

yuppe to be fair though, many real life animals sometimes seem like they're actively TRYING to die. Some fish species come to mind.

Poffles are like the pandas of Looming Gaia...people try so hard to prevent their extinction, but those MFs blatantly reject life at every turn.

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[loominggaia]

"elven males have smaller penises than most other peoples" Well now we know what Dario's problem was...

Bro was really like "I'm mad about my teenie weenie and I'm going to make it EVERYONE'S problem >:("

Truthfully I think Dario's issues lie much deeper than that, but yeah, you just know he had a gnome-schlong and was insecure as hell about it. I'm not saying it was the reason he was such an evil degenerate, but it probably didn't help.

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[loominggaia]

Some random passerby to Alaine: “Hey Jun how’s it going?”

Alaine:

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[loominggaia]

Poffle owners are honestly exceptional among individuals. Only they will see a creature as worthless and prone to death as the Poffle and be like “Damn, I’m gonna spend my life raising them and making sure they don’t die!” I get the sense that if they put their minds onto something outside of raising Poffles, they would solve most of Gaia’s problems!

Curing cancer?

Yawn.

Solving world hunger?

Snooze.

Doting over an annoying little monster that doesn't benefit the world in any way, shape, or form?

They are special individuals indeed!

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[loominggaia]

Los fgg cambian de sexo por 24 horas, ¿que situaciones hilarantes terminan sucediendo?

(Translated via Google Translate)

"The fgg change sex for 24 hours, what hilarious situations end up happening?"

I answered a similar question --> HERE <--

Jeimio (Jeimos) would be stoked at first, then very disappointed when the spell wore off.

Evelynn (Evan) becomes the beefiest woman in Drifter's Hollow, and Glenda (Glenvar) is simping hard for her.

Lulu (Lukas) awakens uncomfortable feelings in everyone.

Javanni (Javaan) and Bellazaar (Balthazaar) try to score as many free drinks at the tavern as possible until the spell wears off.

Lando (Linde) is going insane because now none of his clothes fit and he has no idea how to dress anymore.

Nothing really changes for Ellis (Elska), except he has become bigger and more muscular, which he considers a win.

Alan (Alaine) turns himself into a sideshow attraction to earn money, marketing himself as "a rare male mermaid".

Skelle (Skel) feels strangely at ease with this change...but won't admit this to anyone.

Ms. Ocean desperately tries to lay eggs so she can fertilize them and become a father when the spell wears off. Doesn't succeed, just shits herself and passes out.

Zeffra (Zeffer) has a mental breakdown, afraid that Evan won't be attracted to her anymore. Hides from everyone until the spell wears off.

Zacry is unaffected by the spell, but its AI is confused as fuck when everyone else is.

Someone actually requested drawings of gender-swapped FGG a while back. I didn't draw them all, but I did a few rough sketches:

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[loominggaia]

What if the FGG got their hands on the Gaia version of DnD’s deck of many things? It’s a set of magical cards, each one having a random spell effect tied to it that activates when the card is drawn. Each draw is random even if the deck isn’t shuffled. And let’s say the card set is bound to them and cannot be gotten rid of easily. What kind of shenanigans would happen to them with these chaotic cards?

I'm not familiar with DnD, so please forgive me if my answer is ignorant. This sounds like a really fun concept though!

I could imagine the Freelance Good Guys getting drunk and trying to play poker with these cards for shits and giggles.

Evan draws a card that makes him speak backwards. He can't give orders or advice because no one understands him, so the situation just keep spiraling.

Lukas turns invisible. People forget he's there and start talking shit about him right to his face.

Glenvar transforms into a sentient teapot, ala Beauty and the Beast. Dares the crew to drink his "tea". Everyone declines.

Alaine grows into a giant. Gets annoyed because the guys keep trying to look up her skirt.

Jeimos floats like they're full of helium. The crew has to tie them to a cinderblock to keep them from floating away.

Isaac shrinks to the size of a coin. Gets mistaken for a bug and nearly swatted.

Balthazaar belches fire, sneezes ice, and farts lightning. He has never felt so powerful!

Linde can phase through walls. She clips through the floor and is never seen again.

Spiders crawl out of Skel's mouth every time he speaks. Horrified, he takes a permanent vow of silence. Everyone rejoices.

Javaan becomes super stretchy like a rubberband. He immediately starts thinking of ways he can incorporate this into the bedroom.

Elska makes a clown honking sound whenever she takes a step, and whenever she hits someone, they explode into confetti. She finds this mildly amusing.

Mr. Ocean is followed by a magical raincloud. This is convenient for him as an Aquarian, but very annoying to everyone else around him. His soggy ass is banished to the outdoors.

Zeffer is forced to do a funny little dance every time someone says the word "pumpkin". Once the crew figures this out, all bets are off. Zeffer is dancing the night away, whether he likes it or not.

Zacry becomes irresistible to rabbits. They're attracted to it like a magnet, and every place it goes is swarmed by them.

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