#asshole Jake

[lemeduartes]

Something about Rooster admiring so much his parents relationship and aspiring to have a love so beautiful as theirs, sweet and romantic and truly a fairy tale that would warm his heart forever

And ending up with the asshole who can't be nice to save his own live, that chews on a toothpick 24/7 and makes his life a living hell for the fun of it while looking so smug NARCISSUS HIMSELF would be jealous

He wanted a love like his parents had, and he got it! Unfortunately he had 2 set of parents and the love he ended up having was similar to the WRONG ONE

[impossibleheartflower]

[republikkkanorcs]

[calkale]

controversial but bradley is the asshole in the relationship

[yeagrave]

they

[rejectingrepublicans]

Short video of Kimmel’s monologue dunking on Trump. The second half is the “Super Fan” running around outside the courthouse pretending to be a distraught MAGAt. That part is hilarious.

😂🤣🎉

[agreatandhonorablesoldier]

incorrect quotes 14/?

[cheapbourbon]

“Is consort the same in all languages?”

I believe so Khonshu says.

…

I finally got around to doing some Fanart of my all time favorite Moon Knight fic series- We don't need to say it to each other by: deadonarrival on Ao3.

I don’t know if the author is here on tumblr or not. D=

Those fics= fucking perfection. Do mind the tags tho if you go looking, here there be monster(fucking).

[missadmyre]

Secret Trio + Detentionaire Physique HCs

Randy Cunningham

-he gains scars/wounds due to the suit not always being able to sense an attack quickly, thus not being able to register enough magic shield(?) to protect him (it ain't a robot y'all)

- because of his scars, he mostly skips getting dressed at the boy's locker room during Gym class

- he dresses at the bathroom stalls, though there are times when either Bucky or Julian had caught him shirtless in the bathrooms, they quickly learn to shut their mouths once they realize that "oh shit, this guy has lots of scars, might beat us up if we say anything"

- most of his scars are caused either because of incisions, scratch marks (Tengu!Howard's claws) or those black and blue bruises/blunt trauma because he keeps getting flung onto the walls

- there are burn marks scattered on his torso due to the  incident; one time, Jake lost control of himself and turned into a feral dragon because of some drug he inhaled, wasn't a very good time for both parties.

- there's two large scratch marks on both side of his hips because of Danny, who wasn't able to control obsessive urges as a ghost, thanks a lot Vlad, you traumatized them both

- he doesn't have the broadest shoulders but he has pretty damn good legs

- is very flexible

- he does gymnastics and acrobatics on a daily basis

- broke the school record of having the highest jump - his legs are far more muscular due to him always kicking at his opponents

- man has thighs for days

- he has excellent grip strength

- he managed to crush a watermelon using his thighs, go figure

- on a side note, the reason why his chest (specifically, where his heart is) is bare of any scars is because that is his sensitive spot

- the skin on his chest is very thin, so he tries his best to dodge an attack or at least lead the scar somewhere not near his heart

- there are times where his scarf is used against him (ie. choking, to swing him around) so he has faint marks of strangulation around his neck

- very docile than the others

- which is why has longer legs

- he excels more at meelee combat, his weakest is ranged combat

- the Nomicon taught him martial arts; karate, judo etc., which very much amplified his leg power

- you see those heightened senses he has? Yeah let's abuse that.

- he's not that sensitive (he can still enjoy loud parties and crap) but there's a limit to it.

Danny Fenton

- he can only gain wounds/scars when he is on his human form, though there are times when villains had been able to slip through that slit of a moment and managed to damage him while transforming in/out as the Phantom

- his scars mostly consist of large burn marks, chemical burns (from handling ectoplasm as a human), incisions and blunt trauma

- is the only one that have chemical burns

- the large gash on the right side of his torso is from the time when a yokai was able to slash him when he was transforming into the Phantom

- it was also the first wound that Randy was able to heal using the Art of Healing (feelings ensue~)

- he earned some scratch marks from Tengu!Howard, who clearly doesn't like him (he still doesn't know why that roasted chicken hates him, but damn well he does he enjoy teasing the guy)

- has the broadest shoulders

- bro doesn't pull his punches, LITERALLY!

- he has way bigger hands than Randy and Jake

- he punches more than he kicks, thus earning him a pretty heavy fists

- I feel bad for the human that would be unfortunately in the way of Danny's punch

- his biggest achievement is being able to knock down Biffy with his punches in just 10 seconds

- Biffy still hasn't forgiven him for that

- is trying to not get scars on his face due to the fact that his parents had once suspected him of being a gangster when they saw the little scar on the left side of his chin

- thankfully Jazz is able to cover up for him (I mean, getting that scar from shaving? Please)

- his weak spot are definitely his face and legs

- his legs are not the most steady due to him getting way too used to flying, kick him hard on the ankles and he'll fall immediately

- most chemical burns are seen on his hands, he got them from when ectoplasm would sometimes leak out of some Fenton weaponry (most notably, the Ecto Foamer) and he wasn't able to notice it as a human

- the strangling scar on his right wrist came from the long hours of getting cuffed in Ghost Prison, it was so bad the scar stayed even on his human form (he managed to escape but it still hurt y'know)

- his skin color is somewhat pale-ish tan

- since he's half dead, his wounds either don't heal or just heal very slowly, that's why he's careful not to get hit

- on the occasion that he did get a wound but his body wasn't able to heal it, he'll ask Randy for his Art of Healing

- he excels on both hand-to-hand and ranged combat, he has far more experience with guns/laser guns but he still takes lessons of gun handling from Lee

Jake Long

- most of his scars are found on his chest

- his scars include burn marks, scratch marks (Howard! Really?!), strangulation marks on both wrists and neck, a cauterized wound and incisions

- has the most burn marks than anyone on the trio

- the scratch marks from his arms came from his habit of scratching himself when trying to hold his anger

- my man still keeps getting picked on because of his height

- because of his recent molting, there are still dead skin flaking off of him, especially on his back

- the cauterized scar he has is something he both has good and bad memories to; when Jake lost control of himself as a dragon, he literally had to be put down in order to have Lee just treat his wounds, sadly the bandages weren't enough so they had to cauterize the wound using his OWN flame, at least Randy was comforting him through all that

- y'know kung fu, yeah he mastered that

- is very flexible in using both his hands and feet to fight AS a human

- in Dragon form (s1 design bc wtf is that shit from s2), he's a bit more feral as animalistic urges kick in

- it's because of that kind of behavior that he sometimes run straight into danger, earning him all kinds of wounds

- he has stitches all over his back because he got whipped one too many times at the auction incident (he still gets the chills everytime he thinks about it)

- it's also because of that incident that he gained strangulation marks on his neck and wrists because they treated him like an animal, cuffing him and all that

- to get those muscles, he went through a training arc

- you think Howard hating Danny is bad, well check out these two

- Howard and Jake are like, two pets that are fighting for their owner's love (or attention, Howard isn't going to touch that garbage fire called the Ectoham x Longham relationship)

- the moment Randy turns around, they are fighting all over the place, thus having the most scratch marks

- his weakness is his height, surprise surprise!

- when he's on his human form, it's hard to land a hit on an enemy who's clearly way taller than you

- when he's on his dragon form, his big height often causes him to trample or not be aware of unnoticeable traps

- he also can't balance himself when in dragon form, especially when he flies since his wings aren't the type to be able to easily dodge obstacles (it's just hard to make an adjustment when it's a sudden decision and you're up in the air)

- because he breathes literal fire, he always has a hot temperature, those who knew him just let's it be  it but when other people touch him, they would question if he has a fever

- his appetite is very big because... energy, the problem is that he has very high metabolism, so while he looks malnourished, he's actually taken what, like 2 boxes of pizza a minute ago (and about to take another one right now, dammit Spud, you're wasting too much money)

- have the sharpest nails there is, mostly likely because of his dragon form has it that it also integrated to his human form

- despite not being able to balance himself AS a dragon, he actually does quite well AS a human, being able to stand on poles/tightropes and shit

- those meditation lessons from his Gramps really did help huh

- he excels at hand-to-hand combat

Lee Ping

- he doesn't get that many scars since he doesn't fight opponents as much as the Secret Trio

- but when he does get a wound, it's mostly just blisters, on some cases, he would have burn marks or incisions

- since he always crawls through vents or tight spaces, he always has blisters skidded all around his arms and legs

- the burn marks came from when he would accidentally get hit from those robot's laser guns on Detentionaire (do they even have a name? But seriously, they hurt like hell, believe him)

- the large stitch across his torso is a very painful memory to look back on (he got captured by Cassandra and was about to get experimented on since he has the power to nullify any and all mind control, he was cut open and was about to be dissected when Biffy, Cam and Holger had caught up to him and set him free from there operating table, the other surgeons got killed while Cassandra got away)

- there are faint scratch marks on his shoulders BUT that is due to the tazelwurm sometimes sheathing it's claws on him accidentally (thank you Howard! Wtf did this guy do to you?)

- by far the most slimmest out of everyone in the group

- which is good because he's got to fit into those tight spaces to do "Lee Ping Spywork"

- can do basic gymnastics

- he's learned some basic and advanced self defense from the Serpent/Li, since he thought it would be useful if his younger brother can beat the shit out people when necessary

- the tallest (not including Biffy) out of the group

- has a scar caused by a stab wound somewhere in his right leg caused by Kimmy when she got transformed into some vicious tazelwurm hybrid, she got killed by Holger but he didn't know it was her (those who knew aren't planning on telling him that he just killed a person or he'll freak the fuck out)

- Biffy doesn't know she got killed, Lee isn't telling that information unless he wants a Biffy going nuts all over the place

- only him and Brandy know about Kimmy's death

- he can fence, he picked it up again when he saw the Secret Trio trying to train with long bladed weaponry so he tried to get some experience in being able to wield a weapon

- handles guns way better than the Secret Trio

- has the weakest punch, they all make fun of him for that

- he is the group's healer, he knew first aid very well and he isn't afraid stitch and treat a wound that is way too tender for the Secret Trio to heal

- he only knew how to stitch wounds because he experiments on his body (would it close if I do this kind of stitch? How about here, is it thin enough?)

- because of his experiments, he isn't able to register pain anymore, his poking and prodding at his skin nullified any jolt of pain

- wears gloves on his left hand because there is a lichtenberg scar on it that is colored toxic turquoise green, he ain't letting Barrage see that and be reminded of the pyramid incident

- which glows when the pyramid subconsciously gives him a power boost or something (heightened strength and senses)

- at first he tried to cover it with bandage but since it glows, it didn't work so they settled on the black glove

- excels in ranged combat

HEIGHT COMPARISON [FULL PICTURE]

[fluffypotatey]

Jake, muttering: God, I wanna kiss you.

Rooster: What?

Jake, louder: I said, if you died, I wouldn't miss you!

Javy: Jesus H Fucking Christ—

Jake would abosutly say thank you if Bradley ever confessed i just know it

[the-ace-with-spades]

i genuinely think hangman is an asshole only if you let him. and by that I mean if you see how ridiculous he's being when he's trying too hard to be an asshole, then he simply becomes a dork in your head

[2xlee]

I'm so normal about him...

[cyren-myadd]

Am I The Asshole for trying to protect my daughter from a bad influence?

Oel ngati kameia, English is not my first language so I hope everyone will be able to understand me. My daughter (13F) has become close friends with a boy (15M) and I am worried about how he will affect her. The boy is wild and irresponsible. He thinks he is entitled to go anywhere he wants and do whatever he pleases, and my children always get into trouble when they spend time with him. I have already noticed that my daughter’s behavior has changed since spending so much time with him. We used to get along so well, but now she doesn’t talk to me like she used to. She’s moodier and she constantly invites the boy over even when it is not appropriate for him to be there. He is clearly a bad influence on her.

Yesterday, my daughter and two other children went into a part of the forest that they know they are forbidden from entering with that boy. They ended up getting lost and my daughter fell and could’ve been seriously hurt if my husband and I hadn’t found them in time. My husband was scolding our son for taking his sisters somewhere they know they aren’t allowed to go, but the boy interrupted him. To my surprise, the boy actually took responsibility for leading my children into trouble for a change. That was, as my husband would put it, “my last straw.” I yelled at the boy and told him that this was all his fault and that he would never see my daughter again, but my husband stopped me. He told me that we cannot ban my daughter from spending time with the boy and that I need to “cut him some slack.” I don’t understand why my husband disagrees with me on this. The boy will only bring trouble. I’m only trying to protect my daughter from getting hurt. Am I the asshole?

[lesbiradshaw]

jake putting on a song about slow sleazy sex as soon as he noticed bradley walking into the bar… bradley being so dickmatized by jake he started nodding to being insulted right to his face… all of this happening in front of their teammates… where was the decorum.

[calkale]

Jake “Hangman” Seresin headcanons

(Disclaimer im keeping this non ship specific besides one past hangster mention but if anyone wants a ship specific one lemme know) 

He’s from texas (obviously), his family owns a ranch with a huge ranch house on the property thats been in their family for generations. His father died while he was in the naval academy and his mom runs the ranch now. Theres a smaller ranch house on the property he stays in when he’s not on deployment and his siblings each have one too. 

He has 3 sisters and 1 brother, one of his sisters is a lawyer and the rest of his siblings work on the ranch. His brother does occasionally work other jobs but never for too long and always comes back. Jake was third born child so truly the middle child of the family

His mother is truly an amazing woman, shes super sweet and super nice but do not piss her off, she has a gun cabinet thats stocked full and she does not miss a shot. She looks like miranda lambert but shes the same height as jake (5’9, glen powell is lying and i make the rules). 

His dad was a piece of shit, plain and simple, they got married after finding out jakes mom was pregnant so everything was super rushed, they were both really young when it happened and he hated the way his life turned out and made it really obvious without doing anything about it because he felt obligated to stay. He was bucked off a horse out in one of the fields and hit his head on a rock and died almost instantly from the impact, the family all took it in very different ways but it didn’t take long for them to all move on, everyone knew he was miserable and him being gone only made their lives better. 

Jake used to be a bronc rider until he decided he wanted to be a fighter pilot and stopped immediately so he didn’t get a serious injury (shockingly enough he hadn’t had any SERIOUS injuries prior to this decision). He still rides horses all the time tho he’s a pro at heading cattle. He still attends every rodeo in the area when he can and two of his sisters participate in a few of them, one of them is a barrel racer and the other is a tie-down roper. 

He’s so snuggly!!! He has so many blankets at home too like the man has a problem. If you sleep with him he’s gonna steal the blankets then latch onto you like a koala and when you wake up he’s gonna act like nothing happened. 

Him and Bradley have been on a few deployments together and somehow always end up in bunks above or below each other so of course they’re annoying about it. Despite popular belief they did not room together at the naval academy, they did know each other in passing tho and hooked up once or twice in Bradley’s bronco in the middle of nowhere so they wouldn’t get caught but of course they were both also super wasted 

He didn’t meet Javy until top gun, he had heard of him from other people they’d both worked with but it wasn’t until top gun that they became friends. They’re the type of friends that seem like they’ve known each other their entire lives, they immediately hit it off despite being up against each other for the top gun trophy (which Jake won) and they’ve been in touch ever since. Jake lets Javy store stuff at his place on the ranch and he’s stayed with him more times than they can count. 

Jake never really had close friends before Javy, he mostly kept to himself and the friends he did have didn’t really know too much about him. During middle and high school he never had friends stay over or hang out, he did go out to parties but it wasn’t really his scene, he much preferred to go for a horseback ride and watch the sunset from the fields than spend the night out drinking. When he attended the academy he went out more and started building the hangman persona, he did enjoy it and definitely enjoys going out to bars now but he still thinks about those horseback rides he went on when he was a teenager and when he’s back at the ranch he goes out every chance he gets. 

All that being said he absolutely LOVES karaoke, he will only do it once you’ve gotten a few drinks in him but he’s good at it and knows it too. He has a long list of go to songs but an absolute classic is any man of mine by shania twain. He knows how to line dance but he isn’t good at it. 

Megan Moroney is one of his favourite artists, he went to one of her concerts and it was one of the best nights of his life 

He realized he was gay when he was 20 but didn’t really accept it until he was 30 (he was 35 at the time of tgm in my head even tho glen wasn’t). The first man he hooked up with was Bradley and the first man he loved was another pilot (who i made another post about). He never dated any women in high school and did get bothered about it but he really just had no desire to even try, people didn’t bother him about it for long and kinda gave up when they found out he didn’t care and he was fully capable of physically fighting back. It never crossed his mind that he could actually be gay until he moved out and started noticing men more but he had a really hard time accepting it and only allowed himself to engage in it if he was drunk so it “didn’t count”. It took the first man he loved dying for him to get his shit together, he never got to tell him he loved him and he didn’t allow himself to process it for months but when he did he realized he had to be more okay with this part of himself. He’s not super open about it but thats just because he doesn’t feel the need to be, he’s okay with it and his family is okay with it (he came out to them when he was 31) so he doesn’t really feel the need to tell anyone else about it. 

[stone-stars]

Transcript:

Murph (audibly smiling): Go ahead and roll a constitution saving throw. [long pause] Jake: God, you asshole! [Murph bursts out with a cackle, Emily joins him] Caldwell: Wow. [Jake lets out an exhale of emotional processing.]

everything about this bit my beloved