#at least diaper rash knows better than to open her mouth right now

[beardedmrbean]

Rep. Ilhan Omar, D-Minn., is being hit with a censure resolution on Tuesday after she referred to some Jewish students as "pro-genocide" during a recent visit to Columbia University.

Rep. Don Bacon, R-Neb., is introducing the resolution against Omar on Tuesday, a source familiar with his plans told Fox News Digital.

The New York City Ivy League school has been the flashpoint for nationwide demonstrations on college campuses, where students have set up tent encampments to protest their universities' financial ties to pro-Israel companies. 

COLUMBIA FACULTY ATTEMPT TO BLOCK CERTAIN STUDENTS, PRESS FROM ENTERING ENCAMPMENT UNTIL POLICE CALLED

Omar's daughter was one of more than 100 Columbia students and young adults attending its sister school, Barnard College, who were arrested over their encampment last month.

The progressive "Squad" Democrat visited the demonstration on April 26 in a show of solidarity for the pro-Palestinian protesters.

"I actually met a lot of Jewish students who are in the encampment, and I think it is really unfortunate that people don't care about the fact that all Jewish kids should be kept safe," Omar told Fox 5 New York while there. "We should not have to tolerate antisemitism or bigotry for all Jewish students, whether they are pro-genocide or anti-genocide."

Bacon's resolution text said Omar's "slanderous comments against Jewish students could inflame violence against the Jewish community."

In addition to censuring her for those comments, Bacon's resolution also accused her of having "a long and demonstrated history of hateful rhetoric that plays into the worst antisemitic tropes."

Omar has long been targeted by Republicans for her criticism of Israel. It even got her removed from the House Foreign Affairs Committee last February when the GOP won back the majority in the 2022 election.

Bacon told reporters last week, "To generalize, to say that the Jewish students are responsible for this and treat them that way, that is antisemitism, right? It's one thing to protest Israel, but to stretch it over and accost Jewish students is wrong."

"I'm working on a bill right now to call out Omar for what she said. She's talking about pro-genocide or anti-genocide Jewish students…all this talk is all wrong because Jewish Americans are Americans. Quit treating them that way," Bacon said.

Fox News Digital reached out to Omar's office for comment.

A spokesperson for Omar told Axios last week regarding Bacon's comments on preparing a censure resolution, "Attempts to misconstrue her words by drafting this baseless resolution are meant to distract from the ongoing violence and genocide occurring in Gaza and the large antiwar protests happening across our country and around the world."

Escalating tensions at the protests at Columbia and elsewhere have spurred bipartisan criticism amid multiple clashes between students and police, resulting in reports of people on both sides being injured. Jewish students at Columbia and other schools have also reported feeling unsafe on campus.

[ooops-i-arted]

“Who told you that?” For the 101 AU please

Din scanned his room, making sure he hadn’t forgotten anything.  His armor was on, he’d packed extra weaponry onto the Crest, and he had extra supplies on board just in case his trip and stay on Coruscant took longer than expected.  Skywalker had promised that he’d make sure Din got anything he needed and even offered his own place for Din to stay, but even though Din respected the Jedi Master well enough by now, he still preferred to be self-reliant.

He found the Mandalorians squeaker toy Ika’ika was so fond of under his bed and tucked it into a pouch on his belt, hoping it wouldn’t make any noise at the wrong time.  All that was left was to retrieve his littlest one, and then they could depart.

The kids were outside, being entertained by Skywalker - they loved playing their sorcery games with an adult who could actively participate, not just repeat “Don’t lift me up!” - but Din had left Ika’ika in his crib because he was asleep, and needed the rest before the trip.  He walked over to the bassinet in the middle of the room.  “Ika’ika.  Are you awake?”

He looked inside.  Ika’ika was not there.

Din sighed.  Impossibly tiny, so many genetic abnormalities Din didn’t even know if he would survive another year, only started crawling a few months ago, and he was still the finest escape artist of the entire clan.

Well, at least he’d grabbed the damn squeaker.  “Ika’ika,” called Din.  “Ika’ika.  Come here.”  He squeezed the toy, which squeaked obnoxiously.  Nothing.

“Ika’ika.”  He squeaked the toy again, pacing quietly through the room.  “Ika’ika, I’ve got your favorite toy for you.”  He activated his HUD, scanning for tracks, and to his surprise saw not Ika’ika’s miniature prints, but one of the older kids’ larger footprints.

“Ika’ika?”  The tracks led to the hallway, over towards the kitchen and into one of the cabinets.  Din switched off the HUD and squeaked the toy again.  This time, a returning squeak came from the cabinet, along with a “Shh!”

Din crouched down and opened the cabinet, finding his oldest and youngest tucked among the foodstuffs.  Ika’ika squealed happily, drooling down his front and immediately reaching out for Din, but Yod’ika shrank back, clutching Ika’ika tightly in his arms.

“What are you two doing in here?” Din asked.  Yod’ika kept his mouth pressed tightly shut, clinging harder to Ika’ika, who giggled and squirmed.

“You need to be gentle with him,” Din reminded Yod’ika.  He reached out a hand.  “Give him here.”

“No!” said Yod’ika, to Din’s surprise, scooting further back into the cabinet.

“Yod’ika,” said Din, trying to sound both stern and patient.  Yod’ika was never more prone to acting out than when Din was about to leave, but much as Din wanted him to be reassured he didn’t want Yod’ika thinking that delaying the trip was acceptable.  “You know Ika’ika and I are leaving with Skywalker this morning.  You need to give him to me.”

“No!” cried Yod’ika, yanking Ika’ika away and shoving himself further back into the cabinet.  “No, I won’t let you!”

Now the light reached Yod’ika’s face and to Din’s surprise, he could see tears welling up in his son’s eyes.  “Ad’ika?  What’s wrong?”

The tears spilled all over Yod’ika’s face.  “You’re g-gonna take him a-away!” wailed Yod’ika, clutching his littlest brother close.  “Y-you’re gonna g-give him t-t-to doctors and they’re gonna keep him in a lab and - and -”  He dissolved into sobs, unable to finish.

Din was torn between concern and sheer bemusement.  “Who told you that, ad’ika?”

“I h-heard you and M-Mister Luke and M-Miss L-Leia t-talking about it!” cried Yod’ika.  “Y-You’re gonna take h-him away and leave him there!”

“Of course I wouldn’t do that,” said Din.

“Yes you would!” screamed Yod’ika.

It was like a vibroknife had gone straight through his beskar.  Of course, why would Yod’ika think otherwise?  Hadn’t he taken Yod’ika - a little, innocent child who knew nothing about bounty hunting, only a Mandalorian he already loved enough to save him from a charging mudhorn - and left him in the hands of demagolke?  Din had never figured out what had happened during those terrible few hours he’d left Yod’ika there, but the equipment he had seen and the fact that Yod’ika never, ever spoke a word about what he’d faced had been enough to convince Din it had been horrible.

Without thinking, Din scooped them both up and held them close.  Belatedly, he wondered if he’d only scared Yod’ika more, but his son clutched tightly to his jumpsuit and cried, face buried in Din’s cloak.  Ika’ika reached out for the toy that had fallen from Din’s hands, and it floated up into the air until he was able to nab it and start gnawing on it.

Din adjusted them both so he could pat Yod’ika’s back, rubbing circles on it and murmuring soothing things until finally the crying died down to sniffles, trying to think about how to explain everything to Yod’ika.  He couldn’t leave like this, not with his son sobbing and afraid for his brother.

Carefully, Din set Ika’ika in his lap, making sure he was occupied enough by the toy and trapped in Din’s legs so that the clan’s master escape artist would have trouble trying to run.  Hearing Yod’ika stop crying, he placed his eldest on his knee, wiping away tears from his face.  “Listen, ad’ika,” he said.  “I promise, I promise I won’t let anyone hurt Ika’ika.  I am not leaving him.  I am going to stay with him, and bring him back home.  I promise.”

Yod’ika sniffled hugely, swiping at his tear-streaked cheeks, looking doubtful.

Din took the corner of his cloak to wipe his son’s face some more.  “Do you remember what I told you?  About why you have all your brothers?”

“Y-yes.”  Yod’ika swallowed, scrubbing at his face, and continued, “You s-said they took my genes a long time ago, when I don’t ’member.  From my b-blood or something.  And they made lots of copies of me.”

“Yes, they cloned you,” said Din, his chest hurting.  No child should have to know this, or have it explained to them.

“B-but when they made my vode they changed my genes,” said Yod’ika.  “So they’re the same as me.  But different too.”

“Yes, that’s right.  Lots of differences, some you can see, some you can’t.”  Din scooped up Ika’ika, keeping him from crawling up Din’s leg and setting him back safely in his lap.  “Like what color your skin is.”

“’Cuz we’re all different,” said Yod’ika, nodding.  “But especially Ika’ika.”

“Yes.”  Din glanced down; Ika’ika’s almost-white skin was stark against the dark blue onesie he was wearing.  All the kids were varying shades of green from genetic manipulation, or so the files he’d stolen from Kamino said, but where the others were subtle variations, not noticeable at a glance, Ika’ika’s pale green stood out.  “Especially Ika’ika.”

Din chewed at his lip, trying to figure out how to phrase it and get Yod’ika to understand.  “It’s not just color, though,” he said.  “And not just the Kaminoans who changed the genes.  The sample from you they had… as they got older, they degraded.”

“What’s de-grade-ed mean?”

“Um…”  Din glanced around, thinking, then said, “Starting to break down.  Like my old cloak, the one with holes in it.”

“Oh.”

Yod’ika nodded thoughtfully and seemed to understand, so Din continued.  “The gene sample was breaking down when they made Ika’ika.  So his genes aren’t just different, but some of them are… not the way they’re supposed to be either.  Broken, or without the right copies he’s supposed to have.  And because of that, he’s not as healthy as he should be.”

Yod’ika’s ears drooped as he looked down at his younger brother.  “But you take care of him, Dad,” he said.  “He doesn’t need anyone else…”

“Well, I don’t know everything, ad’ika,” said Din.  He scooped up Ika’ika in a bout of need to hold the tiny precious infant; the baby rolled over in his hands and squealed in delight, unperturbed by the serious conversation his father and brother were having about him.  “I can’t do a good job taking care of him if I don’t know what he needs.”

Yod’ika leaned forward; Din tilted his hands so Yod’ika could peer at his little brother, who was now entertaining himself by grabbing Din’s fingers and trying to eat them.  “He looks fine.  And he’s happy.”

“I know,” said Din.  “And I want to keep him that way.”  He caught Ika’ika before the baby could flop right out of his hands.  “Remember he got a rash from that first kind of diaper we got him?  And how he got sick from some kinds of food?  It might get better as he gets older, or it might get worse.  If someone looks at his genes, they can maybe tell me what kind of help he needs.”

Yod’ika scowled fiercely.  “You are taking him to a doctor!  In a lab!”

“Well, her title is doctor.  And yes, she works in a lab.  But she’s a geneticist.”  Din stroked his son’s head reassuringly.  “That means she knows about genes.  She can help Ika’ika.  She’s not going to hurt him.”

Yod’ika shook his head, starting to cry again.  “You can’t take him there, Dad!  You can’t!”

“Listen to me, ad’ika.”  Din set Ika’ika down in his lap and cupped Yod’ika’s face in his hands.  “This is not like the place I took you to before.  Or the place where we found your brothers.  Master Skywalker told me this place is safe, and I believe him.  I would never take Ika’ika there if I thought he would be hurt.”

Yod’ika sniffled, glancing down at Ika’ika.  “What if it is bad?  What if they try to take him away from you?”

“Then I’ll shoot them.”

“What if there are lots and lots of bad people?  Too many for you to shoot them all?”

“Master Skywalker said he would help me.”  Din wiped a stray tear from Yod’ika’s cheek.  “He knows about how we found your brothers.  He promised he would tell me if Ika’ika felt too scared in the Force, and that we could leave any time we wanted to.”

Yod’ika scooted closer, curling up at Din’s side.  “You won’t leave Ika’ika there?  You promise?”

Din hugged him close.  “I promise. Haat, ijaa, haa’it.”

Yod’ika leaned into the hug, staying there for a long moment before he reached down and picked up Ika’ika instead.  “It’s okay, Ika’ika,” he said, clumsily rocking his brother, who giggled at the sensation.  “Dad will take care of you.”

“Is he scared?” asked Din.  Yod’ika in his oldest brothers were very good at picking up on what the babies felt, a skill he relied on frequently.

“No,” said Yod’ika.  “He likes being with you.”

“Then he’ll be happy.  Because he’s going to stay with me, no matter what,” Din told Yod’ika firmly.

Yod’ika held Ika’ika for a long moment, but then finally handed him over to Din.

[youngjusticeslut]

and with you I’m whole again

Fandom: Young Justice Links: FF.net // AO3 Characters:  Roy Will Harper, Kaldur’ahm Ships: N/A Summary: Will meets Kaldur for the first time since returning from being undercover.For Kaldur’Bomb appreciation month. Rating: T Word Count: 1769 Disclaimer: I don’t own any of these characters. 

There were a few things that Will could still pride himself in.

Fatherhood was one of them. From the moment he’d first held her in his shaky arms, he was smitten. The baby wasn’t even a year old and she had him wrapped around every one of her tiny fingers. Will had made many mistakes in his life, but none of them seemed to matter when he was with Lian. So long as she continued to smile up at him, he would be just fine.

Will could still shoot an arrow with pinpoint accuracy. That was something that hadn’t changed, and probably never would. Even when he was in the thick of his depression, he could still count on his marksmanship to take care of a few worthless thugs. On nights Lian fell asleep early, Jade would put her in a carrier and let her sleep as they sparred in a warehouse. His hand-to-hand still needed work, but he couldn’t deny the rush of satisfaction when an arrow just grazed his wife’s head. Even she had looked amused.

There were a couple other things, too. Honesty. A dry sense of humor. The ability to cook. Those came and went, but the one that did always stay was his penchant for timeliness. Until today, that was.

He glanced down at his phone and cursed, checking the time. Lian had started crying just minutes before he was due to leave the apartment. Jade had promised to calm her, but his daughter seemed adamant on wanting him. By the time she’d settled, Will was already ten minutes late to his meeting with Kaldur. While Jade distracted Lian with some well-timed cookies, he snuck out the door and all but ran to the address Kaldur had texted him.

When he was just minutes away, Will slowed. He’d make a terrible impression if he showed up panting within an inch of his life. While Kaldur had spent the past few years training and becoming stronger, Will had done the opposite. As soon as he’d thought it, he wished he hadn’t. Will couldn’t even imagine what Kaldur had been through.

When news of Kaldur’s true plan spread, Will had expected a call. A message. Anything, really. But the Atlantean maintained radio silence from his former friend, and Will didn’t press. He had an inkling of what Kaldur was going through, so he chose to let things happen as they were. They met for the first time at Wally’s funeral. Briefly, but it was enough for Kaldur to extend an invitation. A few days later, and the invitation was cemented in text with a time and an address of a cafe in Star City.

Will smoothed his hair back before he opened the door to the cafe. He didn’t even need to look, he knew Kaldur would be there waiting for him. Brushing past the hostess, Will found him in the back, already holding a mug in his hands.

“Chamomile or Jasmine?” Will asked as he slid into the booth.

Kaldur didn’t startle, instead he raised a brow. “Common decency is to apologize when one is so late.”

“I know,” Will sighed. “I’m sorry. I got a little tied up,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “I understand.” Kaldur drank from his mug before meeting his friend’s eyes. “Neither, by the way. It is coffee.”

“Coffee?” Will crossed his arms. “I thought you hated the stuff.”

Kaldur shrugged, tugging at the turtleneck he wore to hide his gills. “It was all we had on the submarine.”

If it were any person other than Will, they might have made a face. They might have tried to console Kaldur, or even ask if he wanted to talk about it. But Will knew better. He knew what it was like to make mistakes, to make impossible decisions that would forever haunt him. So instead of doing any of that, he just nodded and grabbed a menu. “I could use a coffee.”

Kaldur didn’t speak again until Will had his coffee in front of him and they’d both ordered some lunch. Tuna melt for Will, turkey on rye for Kaldur. Despite the time that had passed, Will was glad that some things had stayed the same.

“I am sorry.”

Will added sugar to his coffee, debating on whether or not to add creamer. “For?”

“For everything. The deceit. The betrayal. For not helping you find Speedy. Of all people, I should have been by your side. I promised that I would help you, instead I just… I was so focused on myself, and the mission that I… I am sorry, Roy,” Kaldur choked, his voice strained.

The former arched exhaled, stirring his coffee until the sugar dissolved. He’d known the apology was going to come up at some point, and it bothered him that he still hadn’t thought up an appropriate response. A long time ago, Will had blamed him for giving up. Fueled on no sleep and copious amounts of heroin, he’d said some horrible things to him, things he would never be able to take back. And yet here Kaldur was, apologizing to him.

“Kal,” he said, his voice as soft as if he were talking to his daughter. “If there’s anyone you don’t need to apologize to, it’s me.”

“I was not there for you.”

“I didn’t let anyone be there for me. It wasn’t your fault,” Will swore. “There’s nothing to apologize for. Not to me, anyways. Jade… might require a bit more apology,” he admitted, trying to smile. His wife still hadn’t completely forgiven the Atlantean for faking her sister’s death.

Kaldur squeezed his mug. “Not just Jade. I do not think I could ever stop apologizing for what I did in my absence.”

“You and me both, Pal. And by the way, it’s not Roy anymore,” Will admitted. “I am afraid I do not follow.”

“I changed my name. Didn’t feel right anymore, now that Roy is walking around. At least, I assume he’s walking around. The kid has more anger issues than a volcano in Hawaii,” Will muttered into his coffee.

Kaldur allowed himself to smile. “Sounds familiar.”

Will rolled his eyes but smiled. With Kaldur smiling, how could he not? “Yeah, I’ll give you that. Just this once, though, so don’t get used to it, Kal.”

The waiter arrived with their sandwiches. Will started eating before Kaldur, having realized just how hungry he’d gotten. He’d been so busy feeding Lian this morning that he’d forgotten to eat anything himself. Will was so lost in his sandwich that he barely heard Kaldur’s next question. “Sorry?” he mumbled, trying to swallow a mouthful of tuna salad.

“You did not tell me what you go by, now. How am I to address you?”

“Oh. Yeah, that’s probably important.” He swallowed whatever remained in his mouth and then grinned. “Will.”

“Will?”

“Yeah, William is Roy’s middle name. I don’t know, I liked it, and I figured it was a way to keep him a part of who I want to be,” he explained, cheeks tinging pink. “Jade thought it was a good idea.”

“No, I agree,” Kaldur said, plucking a french fry from his plate and swirling it in ketchup. “Will. It suits you.” He popped the fry in his mouth and hummed in satisfaction.

“When’s the last time you’ve had fries?” Will asked, unable to keep the amusement off his face as he watched his friend.

“Far too long. Far, far too long,” Kaldur groaned, years melting off his face from the simple action. Will chuckled but let him eat, both of them enjoying each other’s silent company in the way that always seemed so natural to them. Will had gotten along with Dick and Wally because he could play the older and wiser one, the one they could look up to. But he didn’t have to play anything with Kaldur; with him, he could just be.

“So,” Kaldur began again, dabbing his mouth with a napkin once he’d had his fill. “Is it true?”

Will knew exactly what Kaldur was referring to, and yet he played oblivious anyway. He’d make him work for it a little bit. “Is what true?”

“That you have a daughter.” Will wanted to continue the act, and yet the moment he thought of the baby he left at home, a smile betrayed him. Instead of answering, he dug out his phone from his pocket and pulled up a picture. He’d taken it yesterday, while Lian was playing with her blocks. He handed the phone to Kaldur, resting his chin in his palm. “Lian.”

Kaldur’s face softened. “She looks just like you.”

“You think so? Everyone says she looks like Jade.”

“I can see both of your resemblances in her,” Kaldur mused before handing the phone back. “I cannot believe it. You are a father.”

“I am,” Will grinned. “She changed my life, Kal.”

“So it seems someone finally got through to you,” Kaldur said. “I am happy for you, Will. Lian is a lucky girl.”

“Well, time will tell on that matter,” Will admitted, chuckling nervously. “I’m still not the perfect dad. Pretty sure I’ve given her diaper rash more times than I can count. Jade swore she’d strangle me if I did it again.”

“Nobody is perfect.”

“Yeah. I love her, more than anything. Figured that has to count for something.” Will pushed his plate away and crossed his arms. “You can meet her, if you want.”

“Oh, I do not think-”

Will waved him off. “She’ll love you, Kal. It’s about time she met her Godfather.”

“Godfather?”

“Yeah, who else would I have picked?” Will asked, raising a brow. “Jade wasn’t happy with it, but she picked the Godmother, so.”

“Artemis, I presume.”

“Naturally.”

“Well…” Kaldur hummed. “Artemis and I worked well together before.”

“That’s the spirit,” Will said. His phone vibrated on the table and he glanced at it. “Shit, that’s the time? I really am running behind today. Lian and I have parents’ group today.” “Parents’ group?”

“Yeah, Iris started it,” Will explained. “Just somewhere all the parents with kids can gather to hang out for a little while. Lian loves seeing the other kids, we never miss it.” His face dimmed, realizing how rude he was probably being. “We could miss it this one time, though.”

“Absolutely not. I will now allow it,” Kaldur scoffed. “We shall see each other again soon enough.”

“You promise?” Will asked, already pulling out some cash from his wallet. “You can’t go disappearing on me again, Kaldur.”

“I won’t,” he promised. “I am here to stay.”

[thats-what-sidhe-said]

Keithtober - Family (Voltron Next Gen)

Keith returned home battered, filthy, and carrying a baby in a sling across his chest. "What happened?" Shiro asked. "I thought this was supposed to be a milk run."

"It was," Keith said bitterly. "Someone tipped off the Galra troops and they ambushed us."

"How bad?" Shiro asked.

"Brutal," Keith said. "They're losing, but they'll never back down. They're going to take down as many of the Blades as they can." He touched the baby's head. "We lost Susan and Jarak."

"Oh, no!" Shiro said.

"I never would have sent them in if I'd known," Keith said, looking away from Shiro. "They weren't supposed to be on the front lines."

"We don't always get to decide that," Shiro pointed out.

Keith lowered his head to look at the child he was carrying. "There wasn't anyone to take Yurak, so I brought him home. I figured you wouldn't mind."

"Of course not," Shiro said. "Do you want me to hold him while you get cleaned up?"

Keith looked down at himself. He was coated in blood and soot and reeked of smoke. "Oh. Yeah." He lifted Yurak out of the sling and carefully handed him to Shiro. While the child was - thankfully - not covered in blood, some of the soot from Keith's suit had rubbed off on him.

"Do you have any extra clothes? Supplies?" Shiro asked.

"Just what the babysitter had," Keith said. He unslung his pack and gave it to Shiro. "That should enough to get us through until the stores open."

"What then?" Shiro asked. "Does he have any family?"

Keith shook his head. "Susan lost all her family in the first Galra attack on Earth and Jarak was disowned by his for marrying someone who wasn't Galra."

"Maybe they'll reconsider, now that they've lost their son," Shiro said.

Keith shook his head. "Jarak told me some stories about his childhood. If they try to take Yurak, I'll fight them." Keith touched the fine black hair on the boy's head. "They won't try. He looks human."

"Go clean up," Shiro said. He gave Keith a light kiss. Keith nodded and went into the bathroom. Shiro sat down on the couch and tucked the baby into the crock of his left arm. "You're really tiny," he said. "I suppose you know that." He hesitantly touched the baby's cheek. Yurak grabbed one of his fingers and held on. Shiro smiled. "Strong, though."

"Shiro, I could use a hand," Keith called. Shiro sent his right arm into the bathroom.

"Still funny," Keith said dryly. "I need help changing a bandage, so I think it's better if you can see what you're doing."

"All right," Shiro said. He stepped into the bathroom, took one look at Keith and said, "Doctor tomorrow."

"Yes, sir," Keith said. He held up the medical tape. "I did the one on my leg, but I can't reach the one on my back."

"I got it," Shiro said. He took the tape and reached for a bandage, then remembered he was holding Yurak.

"I'll take him," Keith said. He took the baby and Shiro gently bandaged Keith's wound. Keith passed the baby back so he could pull on a black t-shirt. "We're going to need a bed for him," he realized.

"Maybe we can just keep holding him until tomorrow," Shiro said. "You should sleep, though."

Keith shook his head. "I can't sleep yet." He wrinkled his nose. "What's that smell?" And then he realized. "Oh."

So did Shiro. "Oh." He looked down at the bundle in his arms. The baby sucked on his fist and managed to look smug.

"You're holding him," Keith said.

"This isn't Hot Potato," Shiro said. "I don't know how to change a diaper."

"It can't be that tough," Keith said. He tossed out the used bandages and got his data pad for instructions. They decided to change the baby in the office, using Shiro's desk, as it was more sanitary than using the kitchen table and involved moving fewer stacks of books, papers, and interesting rocks than using Keith's desk.

"If you'd clean your desk, you wouldn't have to use mine all the time," Shiro said. He put a stack of folders in a drawer and laid a towel out on the desk.

"Then I'd have to change my entire organizational system," Keith said. He placed Yurak on his back in the center of the towel. Yurak kicked his feet and cried.

Shiro put his hands on the side of the diapers, took a deep breath, and immediately regretted it.

"Hold on!" Keith said. He grabbed their flight helmets off a shelf.

"Good idea," Shiro said. Both men put on their helmets and activated their breathing systems. Shiro peeled away the diaper and set it to the side, still on the towel.

"Wipes," Keith said, looking at the instructions on the datapad. He handed Shiro a box of wet wipes. Shiro used half the box, but Yurak's bottom was throughly cleaned.

"This isn't so bad," Shiro said. Yurak gurgled happily and a stream of urine shot up. Keith leapt forward and threw a diaper over the lower half of the baby, but not before Shiro's faceplate had been spattered with baby pee.

"Sorry," Keith said. "I wasn't expecting a frontal attack."

"It's okay. I've had worse things on this helmet," Shiro said. He used a wipe to clean the faceplate. Keith handed him a fresh diaper and Shiro quickly wrapped the baby in it and taped it up. Keith dressed Yurak in a fresh jumper while Shiro cleaned up. "Next one's yours," he said to Keith. "How many do we have left?"

Keith checked the bag. "None," he said. "How long do they last?"

"Not long?" Shiro guessed.

"Lance!" Keith said suddenly.

"Huh?"

"He and Allura got diapers at their baby shower. They won't need them for a couple of months, so we'd have plenty of time to replace them."

"Can't hurt to ask," Shiro said. They sat down on the couch and put in a call to Lance.

"If we're defending the universe, can it wait until after breakfast?" Lance asked sleepily. He had video on, but a sleeping mask over his eyes.

"It's not Voltron. I just need a favor," Keith said. "Can we borrow some diapers?"

There was a long pause, then, "Keith, if you woke me up at three am to indulge in some weird fetish thing-" He pushed up his sleeping mask and squinted at the screen. "Whoa. You look like you went three rounds solo with a snick."

"I had a rough day," Keith said wearily.

Allura stirred beside Lance and rolled over. "What's going on? Do we need to get the lions?"

"We just need diapers for the baby and the store's closed," Shiro said. "Keith thought you might have gotten some at the shower."

"Baby?" Lance asked. "Keith, is there something about Galran biology that you're not telling us?"

"He's an orphan," Keith snapped. He hated that word. It dripped with pity and condescension, of being given used clothing two sizes too big and being expected to be grateful for it.

"Where did you-" Lance began, then looked at Keith again, battered and exhausted and straight from the battlefield, and said, "Never mind; you can tell us later. Do you just need diapers? What do you have?"

Shiro picked up the bag. "There's a can of formula, a change of clothes, a stuffed yupper, one of those things you put in their mouths-"

Lance laughed. "Hey, remember when Bob stuck one of those in Keith's mouth?"

Allura laughed, too. "Oh, yes!" She caught Keith's glare and sobered. "What else do you have? What about furniture? A crib?"

"That's all," Shiro said.

"We'll be over soon," Allura said. "I'm afraid we don't have any formula, but we do have a few other supplies."

"Thank you," Shiro said.

---

Shiro opened the door at the first knock. "Shh!" he said. "They're sleeping." Lance and Allura crept into the room and saw Keith lying on the couch asleep with Yurak on his chest.

"That is the cutest thing ever," Lance whispered. "Did you take a picture?"

"At least twenty," Shiro whispered back. "I already sent one to Krolia."

"What's happened?" Allura whispered. "Where did you get a child?" She wore long blue robes tied just over her rounded belly.

"Two friends of Keith's died today," Shiro said soberly. "There was no one to take the baby, so Keith brought him home."

"Are you keeping him?" Allura asked.

Shiro watched Yurak rise and fall on Keith's chest. "I don't know," he said. "We've talked about adopting, but that was something for the future. I don't know if we're ready."

"At least you don't have to be pregnant. It's quite annoying," Allura said. "People treat me like I'm fragile and try to carry things for me." She shot a glare at Lance.

"What? When human women are pregnant, there's stuff they aren't supposed to do for their own safety. I was trying to help!"

"I'm not human and you dropped it on my foot!"

"Shh!" Shiro reminded them. "Where's the diapers?"

"In the hallway," Lance said. He stepped outside and came back pushing an old-fashioned crib with wooden slats, filled with bags.

"What's all this?" Shiro asked.

"Supplies," Allura said. "We've got plenty of time to replace them."

Shiro looked through them. Diapers, as promised, plus creams for diaper rash, a stack of cloths and towels, another stack of baby clothes... Shiro picked up a onesie. "There's too much stuff here. We won't need it all."

"Oh, yes, you will," Lance said, with the weary voice of experience. "Trust Uncle Lance."

"Are you sure you want to let us use the crib? We can probably come up with something else," Shiro said.

"Please take the crib," Lance said. "Coran's making us an Altean crib, but this came from my Aunt Neoma and if I chose someone else's gift over hers, I will never hear the end of it. If I give it to you, I'm off the hook."

"It's beautiful," Shiro said, running his hand over the wood. "I don't know if we'll be needing it for long, though."

"Consider it a gift to the child, then," Allura said. "He can take it to his next home, if there is one."

The child made a fussing noise at that moment and Keith snapped awake. He wrapped his arms around the baby and sat upright, then winced as the movement pulled his injuries. "What's wrong?" he asked Yurak. The baby began to cry softly. "Hungry?" he guessed, and looked at Shiro.

"Could be," Shiro said. He got the can of formula from the bag, looked at it, dug through the bag again, and said, "I think we have a problem."

"Nah, I got you," Lance said. He took an empty bottle and rubber nipple from one of the bags and waved it. "Let me show you how it's done." He put his arm around Shiro's shoulders and let him to the kitchen.

"Mind if I sit down?" Allura asked Keith.

"Go ahead," Keith said. He bounced Yurak lightly. "Shh. Shh. Shiro's getting your food ready," he said softly.

"What's his name?" Allura asked.

"Yurak," Keith said.

Allura's eyebrows went up," That's Galran!"

"So was his father," Keith said.

"Oh." Allura was silent for a moment. "He's like you, then,"

"I guess," Keith said. He stood up, cradled Yurak his arms and swayed gently as the boy sobbed. "My mom almost named me Yurak."

"It's a lovely name," Allura said. "Does it have a special meaning?"

"'Tramples on his enemies'." Keith shrugged. "Most Galran names are like that."

"Perhaps he'll grow to be a great warrior," Allura said.

"Maybe he'll make peace," Keith said. The baby's cries grew louder. "And quiet. What do you say, buddy? Peace and quiet?"

Shiro hurried into the living room with Lance right behind. "Okay, I've got a bottle ready."

"Sit down," Lance said, pointing at the recliner. Shiro sat. Keith placed Yurak gently in his arms. Lance adjusted the baby and Shiro into a comfortable position and Shiro held the bottle to the baby's lips. "Tilt the bottle, like this. There!" The baby stopped crying and started sucking on the bottle. "Keep the bottle up. You don't want him to be swallowing air."

Shiro looked up with alarm. "It'll hurt him?"

"It'll give him gas," Lance said. He sat down in the other recliner.

Shiro watched the baby drink as his right arm hovered over Yurak with the bottle. "You know a lot about babies, huh?" Shiro asked. Keith watched the baby anxiously.

"I come from a big family," Lance said. "Everyone helps out."

The baby spat out the rubber nipple after a few minutes. "I think he's finished." Shiro held up the bottle to see what was left. "Did he eat enough?"

"Yeah, that's fine," Lance said. "He'll let you know when he's hungry again. You should burp him."

"Um. How?" Shiro asked.

"Hold him against your shoulder and rub his back," Lance said. "Do you want me to do it?"

"I will," Keith said. Lance draped a cloth over Keith's shoulder. "That's for burping?"

"Yeah, sometimes something comes up. Little messy, but no big," Lance said.

"Okay," Keith said. He took the baby in his arms and positioned him in place with help from Lance's instructions.

"I can loan you some books," Allura said. "I've been reading whatever I can about human babies. They're very similar to Altean babies. I expect Galran ones are similar as well."

Everyone looked at Keith. "I guess I could ask my mom," he said.

"Wow," Lance said. "I can't believe you guys have a baby."

Shiro shook his head. "We can't make a decision like this without considering all the factors. Keith travels a lot. I'm busy with the Garrison and we both need to be able to drop everything if we're needed for Voltron and the Atlas. We've got to look at our finances and we're going to have to think about education options. What if he's not interested in the Garrison?" He looked at his husband, who was watching the baby with a furrowed brow. "Keith?"

"He's like me," Keith said softly, not looking up. "He doesn't have anyone else."

Shiro crossed over to the couch and Allura slid to the side so he'd have room to sit next to Keith. He put his arm around Keith and touched their heads together. "Do you want to keep him?"

Keith nodded.

Shiro let out a long breath. "Then we'll make it work."

Keith looked up in surprise. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Shiro said, and kissed him. He looked down at Yurak. "What do you think, buddy? Wanna stick around?" Yurak gave Shiro a puzzled look and puked up warm formula.

"That's a yes in baby language," Lance told them, as Shiro dabbed at the vomit with the burping cloth.

"This is so exciting!" Allura clasped her hands "Just think, our children will grow up together!"

"Yeah!" Lance said, then frowned. "Wait, no, our kid was supposed to be the oldest. This is cheating!"

Keith looked up from the baby long enough to smirk at Lance. "Guess you should have gotten Allura pregnant faster."

Lance put his hands on his hips. "Ours will be the prettiest. Obviously." He nodded at Allura, who rolled her eyes.

"Yurak will be the better pilot. Obviously," Keith said.

"Ours will be able to do magic!" Lance said.

"We don't know that for certain," Allura interjected.

"Yeah? Yurak will kick your kid's butt in hand-to-hand," Keith said.

"Our kid will kick your kid's butt in target shooting!"

"Hey, hey!" Shiro lifted his hands. "Don't forget academics."

Lance and Keith looked at each other, and both said, "My kid's going to be smarter than yours!" at the same time.

"All right, I think it's time we went back to our apartment," Allura said. She put a hand on the arm of the couch and awkwardly pulled herself to her feet.

"Thank you so much," Shiro said.

"Yes, thanks," Keith said.

"It isn't a problem at all," Allura said.

"Call if you need anything," Lance said. He held out his fist to Keith. "Dad bump," he said. Keith smiled and bumped fists with him.

After Allura and Lance left, Shiro unloaded the crib, then came back to the couch. Yurak was dozing against Keith's shoulder. "Come on," Shiro said. "Let's try out that crib so you can get some sleep."

"'M fine," Keith mumbled.

Shiro looked Keith over. His husband sat propped against the arm of the couch with a little twist, so he wouldn't be leaning on the worst of his wounds. His skin was pale under the bruises and his eyes were rimmed with red. "Come to bed and I'll do the next diaper change," Shiro said.

"Yeah, okay," Keith said, and gingerly got to his feet. He kept Yurak cradled in his arms until the got to the bedroom. Shiro rolled the crib next to the bed. Keith frowned. "Does he need pajamas?"

"Let me see what we have," Shiro said. He went into the other room and returned with a garment that looked like a tiny sleeping bag with arms. He handed it to Keith, who frowned. It was covered in blue Voltron lions.

"Do they make these with black lions?" Keith asked. He laid Yurak down and wrapped him up in the garment.

"Probably," Shiro said. "We can look tomorrow."

"No rush," Keith said. "I think we should get them for Lance and Allura. As thanks." He set Yurak down gently in the center of the crib and hovered over him. The baby made light fussing noises, but settled down quickly.

Shiro put his arm around Keith's waist. "I bet we could find ones with Red."

"I really think Lance would appreciate Black," Keith said. He leaned against Shiro.

"Let's get into bed," Shiro said. "We'll be right here if he needs anything."

Keith didn't move. He just watched as Yurak blinked his eyes slower and slower, until they finally stayed closed. "If we keep him-"

"'If'?" Shiro asked. "I thought we'd decided."

"Shiro, one day I'm going to have to tell him that I'm the one that got his parents killed," Keith said miserably.

"It wasn't your fault," Shiro said.

"It was my plan. I recommended them for the infiltration team," Keith said.

"You had no way of knowing what would happen," Shiro said.

"Will he understand that?" Keith asked. "I used to hate the other firefighters that let my father go back into the house. I thought they should have stopped him."

"He saved three people that day," Shiro said softly.

"I know," Keith said. "I hated myself for being selfish, too. I just wanted him back." He rubbed his arm across his eyes. "Sorry. I guess I'm just really tired."

"Keith, he's going to love you and he will forgive you," Shiro said. "Do you think it's better to put him with strangers who never knew his parents? Who wouldn't know what it's like to be both human and Galra?"

Keith shook his head. As leader of Voltron, he was rarely challenged outright, but he didn't miss the looks people exchanged when they found out about his heritage. It would be tougher for a child. "What about you? You keep asking how I feel, but he'd be yours, too."

"I want a family with you," Shiro said. "I've wanted that for a long time. I didn't expect it to happen like this, but it feels right."

Keith nodded. "I'll start the paperwork tomorrow." They climbed into bed. Keith rolled onto his good side and draped his arm around Shiro. He sat bolt upright about half an hour later, when Yurak started wailing. Keith lunged toward the crib, sniffed, and fell back. "This one's yours," he said to Shiro.

Shiro groaned and climbed out of bed. "I did say that, didn't I? You're up next time."

Keith lay back on his pillow. "Course." He didn't close his eyes until Yurak's crying stopped and the baby was safely back in his crib.

---

I wrote a couple of short ficlets showing Yurak as a kid in the Garrison. I might expand on them, if anyone's interested in reading more.  Here & Here.

---

Keithtober Prompts I've completed: Bonds / Garrison

---

My fic on AO3

[lemonsandstrawberries]

Three men and a baby

fandom: Stony (Steve x Tony), Superfamily (Tony and Steve adopt Peter Parker as their son)

summary: Uncle Rhodey arrives to the rescue and gladly takes care of his little nephew, giving parents a breather. At least, one of them.

length: 2 260 words

a/n: so I was asked to write something based on the movie I used as a title to this fic and to include Rhodey, but I couldn't put it together and this came out instead. AND I HEARD THAT SOME OTHER SHIP IS TRYING TO CLAIM THE SUPERHUSBANDS / SUPERFAMILY NAME. NOT ON MY WATCH! anyway, hope you like the fic :D !(also, it took me the longest time to find out how the military ranks go and I am sorry if this is still not correct.)

—————

Three men and a baby

"Where is he?! Where is he?!" All people in the corridor parted with terrified faces, as an agitated Colonel James Rhodes rushed past them, almost flattening himself over the not yet opened elevator door. As soon it barely slid open, he squished into the elevator and forced closing of the door, rushing upstairs. There was some stunned silence, before people shook their head and resumed the interrupted activities. Of course, it wasn't anything unusual that didn't take place earlier in the Avengers Tower.

Inside the elevator, Rhodey was skipping from leg to leg and pressing continuously the button with Tony and Steve's private floor, impatient to get there. "Colonel Rhodes, this won't speed up the drive," Friday explained in her stoic voice, sounding minimally amused. "Mr Stark insists that you stop, otherwise you might damage the mechanism." Rhodey glanced at one of the sensors and put his hand down. "Is he awake?" "Yes. You came in just in time for lunch." Rhodey usually was better at controlling his emotions, but twirled around the elevator in sheer happiness. He couldn't wait and was still bitter that his duties kept him off this moment for so long. When the elevator stopped, he zoomed out of it, greeted by Tony who stood up from the couch in the living room nearby. "Rhodes," he greeted with a tired smile. "Tony!" Rhodey rushed to his friend and pulled him into a hug. Tony, a bit surprised as usually he was the one who started the touching, hugged him back. "How are you feeling?" Rhodey asked, drawing back and looking at brunet's circled eyes. "I am fine," Tony answered and even his voice sounded tired. "A lot has been happening and I didn't get used to it yet--" he didn't finish, when he was let go out of the hug and Rhodey darted forward. Tony only chuckled, knowing the reason and hearing his husband behind him and the characteristic sucking sound. "Hi, Rhodey," Steve smiled, sounding equally tired as Tony, but without any visible signs on his face, serum taking care of it. He was holding a small bundle in his arms and a bottle with warm baby formula, the bundle was steadily sucking on. "Hi!" Rhodey breathed out, eyes already focused on the baby. On his little nephew. "Oh my God, he is beautiful," Rhodey wasn't a person to coo and melt over babies, but he couldn't stop himself. "He looks just like you when you were little!" he looked over at Tony, smiling with emotions. Even if that didn't make any sense, Peter was adopted after all, Tony still felt proud. "How do you even know how I looked when I was little?" Tony asked, walking over to the small group. "Your mom showed me your baby album once," Rhodey explained briefly, looking back at the baby, as the boy finished gulping the bottle down and squealed funnily. "Can I hold him?" he asked Steve. "Sure," Steve smiled, taking the bottle and cautiously passing the baby over. "Mind his head." Rhodey nodded, putting the baby in the crook of his arm and holding like a pro. Peter made some soft sound of protest at leaving his papa's safe hold, but then looked at the stranger. "Hi," Rhodey smiled, gently rocking the baby. "I am your uncle Rhodey," he introduced himself and Peter didn't take off his eyes of him, watching the new person. "I will always protect you." Steve wrapped an arm around Tony and with gentle smiles, they watched Rhodey cooing to the baby and being completely enamored by it. Peter even tried to coo back, as if replying and reaching his chubby hand up, trying to grab Rhodey's nose. It was their first meeting and it was just perfect. It became even more perfect, when Tony learned that Rhodey took some off time and decided to stay to bond with his nephew and help Tony and Steve along the way. And Odin knew that they needed some good sleep and time for themselves. During the first days, everything was fine. Rhodey played with Peter, bathed him, fed him and changed the diapers, never pulling a face at the potent smell, took him for walks and somehow the amount of toys in Peter's room doubled. Tony and Steve rested a lot, caught up on their work and were ready to take back their duty as parents. Only seemed that someone wasn't ready to let go yet. It started innocently and small and that was probably why Steve let his guard down and didn't stop it on time. "Peter likes this toy for his nap," Steve heard and saw a hand holding a small plush duck. He was leaning over the crib with Peter inside, already tucked under the blanket. Initially, Steve planned to give his son a teddy bear, but Rhodey spent a lot of time with Peter lately so maybe he was on to something. "Thanks," Steve said with a smile, putting the duck close to his son and Peter reached for it and squeezed close, his small eyes closing to sleep. It was the first time and everything seemed fine. Then it started to spiral. Suddenly, Steve was informed that he was using the wrong baby powder and should use this brand to avoid giving Peter a rash. Peter never had a rash before, but fine, maybe it won't hurt to change. Then, Rhodey designed and changed Peter's usual menu to a new one, claiming that he was undernourished. That did tick Steve off, who set Peter's menu from a scratch and had it consulted with a pediatrician, but fine, fine, maybe change in the menu would be good for Peter who lately started to be fussy about food. Next, Steve was informed that he was holding Peter the wrong way and Peter was uncomfortable, which was absolute bullshit, because he knew that Peter was comfortable, yet Rhodey insisted. Steve rearranged his arms and in his opinion Peter looked equally comfortable as a minute before, but Rhodey reasoned that this position was better for baby's spine and Peter won't grow up to have a hump. Steve gritted his teeth at such blatant criticism of his parenting skills, but held it in. Then he noticed that Rhodey took a habit of looming over him each time he got close to Peter. Seemed that everything Steve did was wrong, and Rhodey was there to immediately correct him. What's more, when Bucky came to visit, Rhodey was correcting him too all the time, and Steve watched Bucky becoming more and more angry at the overprotective uncle. But fine, Rhodey just loved his nephew and wanted the best for him. There was nothing bad in that, right? Seemed that the only person Rhodey didn't correct, was Tony. Speaking of Tony… "Tony doesn't like celery stalks." Steve froze, his hand stopping halfway to slide chopped celery into the pot with soup. Oh no, he didn't. Steve gritted his teeth, trying not to snap. "He changed his mind with time," he said, resuming the stopped motion. "Really? Because I saw him picking out pieces of celery out of his dinner yesterday." Just calm down, calm down. He knew that Rhodey was right and Tony disliked celery. Just in his constantly stressed state, details tend to slip past Steve. And he didn't want to give Rhodey any more satisfaction of first correcting him with his son, and now with his husbands. He also didn't want to see Tony's scowling face, when he would bite into a piece of celery stalk. With an angry thud, Steve put the cutting board with pieces of celery down. He didn't see it, but he could feel Rhodey's pleased smile. *** "When is Rhodey leaving?" came out of his mouth before he could stop it. Of course, Steve tried to keep it in, but after two weeks of being watched by Rhodey like a hawk, he felt that he was reaching his limit. "Why do you ask?" Tony asked back, rubbing cream into his hands. They both were getting ready to sleep and Tony was rubbing in a ridiculous amount of hand lotion into his palm and fingers, his skin drying up quickly after hours of tinkering with mechanics. "Just--- no reason," Steve sighed, wriggling under the covers. He knew how happy Tony was with his best friend around. He couldn't ruin it for him. "Come on," Tony purred, bumping into Steve's shoulder and cuddling to his husband's chest, while still rubbing the cream in. "You can tell me. Is something wrong?" Steve didn't want to come off as whiny, but it seemed that he won't have a different choice. "It is just… I miss being with only you and Peter." "But we are together," Tony smiled. finally patting the lotion in, his hands smooth again, "even more often than before." "Yeah, but---" Steve rubbed his forehead, "don't you think that it became too much--- crowded here?" Some silence. "I don't follow you," Tony said, his voice becoming minimally colder. Of course, he would defend his best friend with his life. "Never mind," Steve ducked his head down in shame. He knew that this conversation would lead them to nothing. He reached his hand to turn the night lamp off, but Tony stopped him. "Do you want Rhodey to leave?" Tony asked in a sad whisper.   "No!" Steve said quickly. Truthfully, he didn't want Rhodey to leave. He just wanted to be given back his space and let him be a father and a husband again, and not be reprimanded all the time. "Just---" there was no point in going around the topic and time for brutal truth came, "Rhodey is constantly following me!" The dramatic explosion made Tony blink. "What?" he asked, this time sounding amused. "What do you mean?" "He keeps following me," Steve said in an offended voice, crossing arms on his chest, "and correcting me. Suddenly I do everything wrong when it comes to Peter!" "He is just trying to help---" "He even corrects me when it comes to you!" Steve burst. "Oh," that got Tony's attention. "He does?" Steve nodded solemnly. "He makes me feel like a bad father and a bad husband," he admitted with a childish pout. "But you are not a bad father or a bad husband---" "I know that!" Steve snapped, raising his arms up. "He is just driving me crazy---" "Is this about Rhodey being three ranks higher than you are?" Steve had to look like a fish pulled out of the water, as he suddenly found himself at loss of words, opening and closing his mouth over and over again. "No!" he burst when he finally got his voice back. Of course, that military ranks had to do nothing with it. He didn't have time to elaborate on the topic as he heard Tony trying to hold back laughter. "You are laughing at me," Steve grumbled, feeling offended. "A bit, yeah," Tony admitted, scooting closer and cuddling back to his husband. It was just something cute about such huge guy acting moody and jealous. "Tell you what, tomorrow I will talk with Rhodey to give you some slack, okay?" he smiled, flicking his finger under Steve's chin for attention. Steve sighed. "Alright," he agreed. It was better than nothing. "Now," Tony purred, rolling around and sitting on other man's hips. "Want to show me that despite your other flaws, you are still an excellent lover?" he asked, delivering a playful jab. "Better not," Steve sighed deeper, "I don't want Rhodey rushing in and telling me that I am doing it wrong." "Oh, come on," Tony snorted, smiling brightly, "I promise that won't happen." "It better not, because if I see Rhodey busting in here---" Steve didn't finish, when Tony pressed warm lips over his in a heated, slow kiss. It was nice and soothing and Steve put his hand on the small of his husband's back, keeping him in the kiss. Everything would lead to one point, if the baby monitor didn't crackle. "Hey, guys," came Rhodey's voice out of the speaker, and both Tony and Steve almost choked on each other tongues, "if you insist on doing this tonight, you could at least turn the baby monitor off." "Rhodey, what the hell---!" Tony called angrily, making a move to grab the device, but Steve was faster. "War Machine," he said, putting the speaker to his mouth and using his Captain America voice. "Your newest mission is protecting Peter Stark-Rogers. Get on your position and report to me first thing in the morning." There was some stunned silence, before the baby monitor crackled again and Rhodey said, "Yes, Captain. Over," and turned off the device. Steve smiled smugly. Seemed that he found a solution to his problem and it was very easy and logical. In Rhodey's eyes, he might not be the best father or husband, he might be lower in the ranks, but he was still the Captain of the Avengers and that was indisputable. "I have to admit," Tony said, voice trembling with need, "that turned me on a lot." Steve only laughed wickedly and turned around, pressing Tony into the covers. He had a mission on his own for tonight. In Peter's room, Rhodey sat on the rocking chair, smiling to himself, and knowing that Tony married the right guy and they had a beautiful future together ahead and a wonderful son to raise. He couldn't imagine a better scenario for his best friend.

[dontshootmespence]

I Did It!

A/N: A request from @iridescentreid for a Spencer x Reader one shot where they babysit Henry together! Fluffy! @coveofmemories @sexualemobitch @jamiemelyn @unstoppableangel8 @iammostdefinitelyonfire26 @rmmalta @lukeassmanalvez

                                                             ----

“Are you sure we can do this?” Spencer asked as you made your way up to JJ’s apartment. This was the first time you were going to be babysitting Henry since he’d been born. He was barely six months old, but you were great with kids and whether or not Spencer admitted it, he was too. You’d both be fine. 

“Spence, we can do this. We’ll be fine. Plus, you said you wanted kids someday, right? Think of this as practice.” As you knocked on the door and waited for JJ, you put your arm around your boyfriend and gave him a slight squeeze. “You’ll do fine and then one day, you’ll be an amazing daddy.”

Spencer leaned down to give you a sweet kiss just as JJ opened the door. “Am I interrupting?” she laughed.

“Not at all,” you replied. You walked inside and grabbed Spencer’s hand, dragging him in behind you. “Just trying to convince Spence that he’s going to be a fine babysitter. Plus, I’m here.”

Spencer looked petrified as JJ handed him six-month-old Henry. “Baby,” you said, stifling a laugh as you took the picture in. “He’s a baby, not a bomb. Cradle him.” He switched him around and finally put him in a better position, while JJ ran you through every possible outcome imaginable; it must’ve been a mom thing. “I’ve babysat before and I have tons of nieces and nephews. We’ll be fine. Won’t we Spence?”

Your boyfriend nodded hesitantly. “Yea, I’m sure we’ll be fine. At the very least, she will,” he chuckled, just barely. God, he was so nervous. It was almost cute and endearing how nervous he was. Henry was his godchild and although he hadn’t said as much, you knew he loved this baby more than pretty much anything else in the world. 

Will descended the stairs. It was going to be the first time since Henry was born that he and JJ were going to go out by themselves. It had been baby life 24/7; they needed and deserved a little time to themselves. “Alright, so I think that’s everything,” she said finally, her eyes lingering on the baby she’d barely left in six months. “Call us if you need us.”

“I’ve got everything under control,” you laughed, pointing backward toward where Spencer was holding Henry. “We’ll be fine.”

JJ said goodbye to Henry a few more times before you finally convinced her that it was only three hours and you were all going to be fine. Henry had been perched in Spencer’s arms, staring straight into his face, but as soon as the door closed, he started screaming. “What’s wrong with him?” Spencer said immediately, as he caressed the back of his head, his fluffy tufts of blonde hair pressed down under his fingers.

“Well, Spence,” you laughed. “It could be many things. He could be hungry. He could want mommy. But in this case...” You pulled the back of his diaper away from his butt. “Poop. Have you ever changed a diaper before?”

“Not even once. I’ve read things about it though.”

You took Henry from his grasp and gave him and your boyfriend a kiss on the cheek. “Then let’s learn how to change a diaper, because I can guarantee you that if we have babies, you and I will be changing an equal amount of dirty diapers.”

Setting him down on the table was hard enough, but then neither of you could find out where the wipes were. “You hold him and I’ll fine the wipes.” Spencer placed his hand on Henry’s shirtless tummy, his touch so tentative you weren’t sure it would keep him in place. But thankfully, it did until you were able to find a new diaper and the baby wipes. “Okay, stinky boy, let’s see what we have here.”

As you pulled the diaper away from him, you could’ve sworn Spencer nearly passed out. “How does something so cute smell so horrible?” he asked, truly astonished at how smelly Henry was. 

“I don’t know. Right, Henry? I have no idea why you’re so smelly.” You pulled his diaper away and cleaned his tiny butt with multiple wipes, sticking each one into the dirty diaper until he was clean.

Spencer pointed toward his inner leg. “That’s diaper rash, right?” He asked, having already reached back behind you for the A&D ointment.

“Yes, it is. See you’re a natural.” After applying a generous heaping of ointment and replacing his diaper, you put his clothes back on. “There. Now, we’re not smelly anymore.”

Henry babbled, spit bubbles forming at the corners of his mouth. “Spit bubbles of happiness.” He was a smiley boy. “Next diaper is your turn.”

“By myself?” he asked. His eyes went wide. It’s like he was going to die. “Can you be in the room with me? What if I drop him?”

As you picked up Henry, you turned and snorted. “Spence, what would you do if someone came after someone on your team?” you asked.

“I would do anything to help them,” he said without missing a beat.

“Exactly, you always taking the utmost precaution when it comes to helping someone you love. Sometimes you don’t think about yourself, but you always think about everyone else. With a baby? You’ll be watching him like a hawk. But I’ll be in the room if you want me to.”

Spencer heaved a sigh of relief and reached out to grab Henry. You kind of just wanted to hold on to him and kiss his chubby little cheeks, but Spencer needed to get used to babies considering how freaked out he was by them. Begrudgingly, you place Henry in his arms. “Hi, Henry. I’m Uncle Spencer.”

Your smile could not possibly have been wider. Watching Spencer talk with a baby like he would with someone who could hold a conversation was just about the cutest thing in the world. The three of you made your way back into the living room while Spencer spouted off facts to him about what his milestones were. “You might even start speaking soon. That would be cool, right?”

A huff of laughter escaped you as Spencer sat at the kitchen table instead of in the living room and placed Henry in the high chair. “JJ said he’s eating solid foods now right?”

With a nod, you handed him two packages of food - one green bean and potato and the other peach - dinner and dessert. “Do you wanna try feeding him?” you asked, watching as his eyes went from scared to determined to happy as Henry waved his arms up and down. 

“Yea, that I think I can do.”

While Spencer fed Henry spoonful by spoonful, you started in on the dishes. JJ hadn’t asked you too, but if you and Spencer could get them caught up on chores and put Henry to bed the maybe they could have some more intimate mommy and daddy time when they came home. “Open wide,” Spencer said as he put the spoon up to Henry’s mouth. Baby boy wouldn’t budge. To help him along, you jumped up in front of him and made plane noises. That worked. He happily opened his mouth. Spencer repeated the pattern, giddy each time it worked. He’d been so afraid of fucking up a baby that he was really proud of himself; it was adorable. 

“Okay, I’m going to go do the laundry for them. Once you’re done we can play with him for a little while before we make him a bottle and put him to bed.”

Rounding the corner, you finished the laundry, promptly returning to the kitchen to see that Spencer and Henry weren’t there. You heard a gurgle of some kind and found them near the changing table. Spencer did it all by himself. “I did it!” he said happily. “Thankfully, he left the poop for you, but I did it.”

As you approached, you kissed his cheek. “Yes you did. Everything except for the fact that his diaper is backwards.”

“Dammit,” he laughed.

Now with Henry’s diaper the right way, they returned to you and all three of you sat on the floor, entertaining him for another hour before he got a little cranky. You did your best to comfort him, but he wasn’t having it. Spencer was getting into this babysitting though, because he willingly took Henry and started talking to him. “Now you have a lot of lions in your room Henry, so let me tell you a little bit about lions. Mommy would actually be jealous because they don’t have to be pregnant as long - only 105 days.” Spencer spouted fact after fact and miraculously Henry stopped crying. “I did it!” he exclaimed softly as you giggled at his enthusiasm. “I got him to stop crying.”

“Yes you did, Spence. I’m so proud of you.” All the while you’d been preparing a bottle. “Do you want to feed him or read him a story?”

He opted to sit in the rocking chair and feed him while you read him a story - JJ’s favorite, Bedtime for Baby Star. Once the bottle was finished, he was basically asleep, so Spencer placed him down in the crib, but as you turned to leave, you realized Spencer was still there staring at him, a soft and wondrous smile setting onto his face. One day he’d be doing that with your own children and it made your heart melt. 

You left him to stare, choosing to sit down on the couch outside and wait for him. Finally, about 10 minutes later, he came back as happy as could be. “He’s adorable.”

“Yea he is,” you said sleepily. “You feeling a bit better about taking care of babies now?”

He nodded and pulled you into him. “You’re a natural. You’ll be a great mom one day.”

“And you’re not as bad as you think you are. To be truthful, no parent knows what they’re doing. You’re good with him too, and one day, it’ll be ours.”

Before he bent down to kiss you, he blushed, his smile growing wider and wider by the second. “I’d really love that.”

[dylan-ohbrien]

A Place to Call Home

A/N: So I had this idea and then I had a dream of this idea so I decided to go with it. I thought about make it a series but I’m not sure yet. We’ll see how it goes. I had no idea it would come out as long as it did, the words just kept come. Anyways, let me know what you think! BE HONEST. And if you want this to maybe be a series let me know that as well! :) Also I suck a titles I’m sorry.

Warnings: Drinking. Language. Smut. Unprotected Sex.

Word Count: 8,956 (SORRY)

Pairing: Dylan O’Brien x Reader

“I don’t know, Liz” I sighed into the phone as I sat down on my bed next to the half packed suitcase. “Maybe I should just stay here; it would save me a lot of embarrassment and probably you too.” I laughed trying to make myself feel better about the whole situation.

“Oh no, don’t even go there! We have been dreaming about this for like six years. The show is ending. We’re never going to get another chance to do something like this.” She practically yelled at me through the phone. “So finish packing and get your ass on that plane.”

“Okay, okay but don’t get mad at me when I embarrass you in front of all your new Hollywood friends.” I laughed. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”  I said before hanging up and tossing my phone to the side so I could finish packing.

Okay, so I guess I should back up a little bit; Liz and I have been best friends since we were in diapers. Growing up we were inseparable, we did everything together and spent practically every day together until we graduated high school. I stayed in our small town and went to a local university where I got my degree in early childhood education, while Liz went off to school in Los Angeles in hopes of one day becoming a big time director. Although we didn’t see each other nearly as much we still talked every day and had occasionally discussed me moving out there with her, which was the main reason behind the trip, to see if I would really like being out there before I made any rash decisions even though I  knew it was time to make a change.

Liz was currently working as a production assistant on some new crime drama series; it’s so hard to keep up with all the new shows coming up. Before that though, she worked on some small movie where she ended up meeting one of our favorite actors from one of our favorite TV shows, Tyler Posey. They would hang out from time to time and became pretty good friends as time went on, she met a few of the other cast members and it’s safe to say that I was living vicariously through her. He knew that she was a big fan of the show and invited her to visit the set any time she wanted. As soon as that chance was open, she took it. I remember the day she called me to tell me that we would be visiting the Teen Wolf set and for at least a month after I thought she was playing a joke on me, there was no way it was possible that I would be visiting the set of my favorite show. I didn’t believe it until she called me on FaceTime one day when she was with Tyler and he actually invited me himself. Now, here we are, I’m packing to go hang out on the set of my favorite TV show where I’ll probably embarrass the shit out of myself in front of all of these super attractive people, not to mention one that I may have a pretty big crush on. Part of me was hoping Dylan O’Brien would be off working on one of his many upcoming movies so I wouldn’t embarrass myself in front of him, but the other part desperately wants him to be there.

After what felt like hours of trying to figure out what would look cute and sexy but not slutty or trashy I finally finished packing. I spent more time trying to decide on one outfit than I did picking out things for the rest of the week, and I was sure I had over packed, but you can never be too prepared.

That night I set my alarm for an ungodly time that we’re never going to mention again, never book a flight to leave before seven in the morning, you will regret it, and I ended up hardly sleeping at all, nervous thoughts of embarrassing myself in front of these gorgeous beings keeping me from sleep. Before I knew it my alarm was going off and I had to reluctantly roll myself out of bed. I showered and ate a quick breakfast, packed up a few last minute things, and loaded everything into the car. The whole way to the airport and the whole flight to Los Angeles I could feel butterflies in my stomach. Traveling always made me anxious but this was a whole new level of nerves. I knew it had to do with the fact that I could be meeting my biggest celebrity crush 24 hours from now. I did my best to push all nerves aside and focus on my book.

The next few hours flew by, no pun intended, and soon the pilot was coming over the speakers to tell us all we would be landing shortly. I packed up my book and decided to make a quick stop in the bathroom to freshen up before landing. The airplane bathroom was tiny, I felt like I hardly had any room to move my arms to comb through my hair. I splashed a little water on my face and added a little mascara so I didn’t look completely dead and made it back out to my seat just as the seatbelt light was coming on.

After we landed I quickly stood up and grabbed my suitcase from the overhead bin, not wanting to be stuck behind too many people who couldn’t remember where they had placed their bags. It only took a couple of minutes before we finally started moving and I made it off the plane. I stepped into the airport and finally felt like I could take a deep breath of fresh air instead of the stiff plane air. I sent Liz a quick text letting her know that I was on my way out as I followed the signs out of the terminal. The second I walked out of security I saw Liz standing there holding up a sign with my name on it. I shook my head and walked over to her.

“You’re an idiot, you know that?” I laughed and pulled her into a big hug.

“Yeah, but I’m your favorite idiot.” She winked at me as we parted from the hug.

“You got me there.” I nodded following her out to her car.

“I can’t believe you’re finally here! It only took you four years to come visit me!” She exclaimed as I slid into the passenger seat of her car.

“I know, I know but you know how I feel about flying, just be happy I’m here now.” I patted her hand and gave her a small smile. “But can we please get something to eat? I feel like my stomach is going to start trying to eat itself if I don’t get something soon.” I laughed and she nodded.

“I figured we could just order in and catch up tonight since you’re probably exhausted from flying and tomorrow we’re going to the set?” She suggested and I nodded.

“Sounds perfect to me!” We spent the rest of the afternoon and evening just talking about life, eating junk food, and laughing at old memories that we shared, it was as if no time had passed since the last time we saw each other.

We both ended up falling asleep as we binge-watched Teen Wolf from the beginning, not even making it through the first season before sleep won the battle.

The sun came up sooner than I would have liked, streams of sunlight came through the windows burning into my eyes, and it didn’t seem to bother Liz at all. I groggily made my way to the kitchen and started some coffee knowing I would need a lot to make it through the day. While the coffee was brewing I made my way upstairs to the shower, the smell of the coffee and the warm water finally causing me to wake up some. Once I finished up I wrapped my hair in a towel and wrapped one around my body tightly and made my way back downstairs to finally have that coffee that was filling the air. As I walked past the couch I saw Liz sprawled out, mouth open, sleeping harder than I’d ever seen anyone sleep before. I laughed and poked her foot, not even a twitch, as I walked by and into the kitchen. I poured myself a cup a coffee and leaned against the counter looking out the window, birds were chirping and a light wind blew the leaves on the trees, so far Los Angeles life didn’t seem too bad.

Once I finished my first cup I poured myself another one and headed back upstairs to get dressed for the day. The outfit I had picked out consisted of a pair of distressed skinny jeans, a black lace up long sleeve shirt – because that’s the in style thing now, right? – And a pair of black booties. It was simple, but it seemed cute enough with just a hint of sexy. Just as I finished getting dressed I heard the door open and I turned around.

“Well good morning sleepy head.” I laughed seeing the knotted mess of hair on top of Liz’s head.

“Is that what you’re wearing to the set today?” She asked causing me to raise my eyebrows at her curiously.

“Well yeah, I mean, I was planning on it. Why? What’s wrong with it?” I asked starting to panic. She was around famous people all the time, she knew how to look good, I was in front of two year olds all the time so my looks didn’t really matter.

“No, it’s fine. It’s just, there’s a party right after so you might want to you know, dress it up a little.” She shrugged her shoulders.

“A party?! You never said anything about a party! What kind of party is this? I didn’t pack for a party. What the hell am I going to wear now?” Panic set in as I started quickly going through my suitcase trying to find something party worthy. “Is this like a fancy party or like a college kid type of party?” I asked frantically.

“[Y/N], calm down.” Liz laughed putting her arm on my shoulder to try and calm me. “It’s not that big of a deal, I just meant find something a little less casual than ripped jeans. If you need to borrow something you can.” She said taking my coffee from the dresser and taking a drink from it. “I’m going to go shower, just pick something you would wear if we were going out to that hotel lounge, dressy but casual, okay?” She smiled and set my mug back down and I nodded, plopping down on the bed with a sigh.

Once Liz padded into the bathroom I got back up and started going through my suitcase again trying to find something that was more ‘dressy but casual’. After pulling everything I had packed out I found a flowy, low cut, black romper with lace detailing. I pulled it on, the black booties still looked good with it, and grabbed a black leather jacket from Liz’s closet before walking over to her full length mirror and taking a look at myself.

“Now that’s hot.” I turned and saw Liz standing behind me with a smirk on her face and I felt a blush come to my cheeks. Hot was a not a word that was ever used to describe me. “If that doesn’t get Dylan to fall for you I don’t know what will.” I rolled my eyes and walked over shoving her shoulder gently. She knew about my crush on Dylan but I had hoped she wouldn’t bring it up, knowing her she would say something in front of him.

“It’s not too much?” I asked looking down at myself doubting this choice.

“Nope, it’s perfect.” She smiled and I nodded.

“Okay well then I guess I’m going to finish getting ready and you need to start.” I said walking past her and smacking her ass playfully.

I headed to the bathroom and out on some makeup, not a whole lot, but just enough so I didn’t look like I had just rolled out of bed, and fixed my hair, letting slight curls fall down my back. Just as I had finished Liz joined me so that she could finish getting ready and after a few more minutes we were ready to go.

I bounced my leg up and down as I watched cars and buildings go by, I tried to distract myself by turning up the radio but had no luck. I was too nervous. I knew, without a doubt I would do something to embarrass myself, if not right away, sometime through the night.

“Would you calm down? I swear you’re acting like you’re going to meet the president and you did something wrong.” Liz said. I looked over at her and rolled my eyes.

“That’s easy for you to say, you’re around celebrities all day every day, I’m around people who can hardly form a sentence.” I sighed.

“[Y/N], you’re going to be fine, I promise. They’re all really nice people. Once you meet them it’ll be like you’re just hanging out with friends, not celebrities. Just try to breathe and don’t trip over yourself.” She added the last part with a wink.

“Great, now I’m going to be thinking about not falling which will probably cause me to fall.” I said throwing my arms up in the air in defeat. Deep down I knew she was right, I was just psyching myself out but I couldn’t help it. This is something the two of us had dreamed of for years and it was finally happened. Never in a million years could I have imagined it actually happening.

I looked over to Liz as the car came to a stop and she talked to some guy in a booth, giving him her name, which was apparently all it took to be let in to a film lot. She pulled into a parking lot and I leaned back in my seat taking a deep breath.

“Okay, this is going to be fine, just like any other day.” I could feel Liz’s eyes on me as I tried to calm myself down but I just brushed it off and got out of the car. “So, do you know where we’re supposed to go?” I asked looking over to her.

“No, Tyler should be out here any minute to let us in.” She spoke and just as she is I felt someone come up behind us and put their arms over our shoulders.

“Lizzy! I’m so glad you made it!” He said excitedly looking down at her before over at me. “And this must be the famous [Y/N] you’re always talking about?” I smiled and nodded before glancing around a Liz with questioning eyes but she just shook her head with a laugh. “Nice to actually meet you in person, [Y/N], I’m Tyler.”

“So you’re the famous Tyler she’s always talking about.” I laughed looking back to Liz who actually seemed to have a hint of embarrassment on her face.

“Oh, she’s always talking about me? That’s good to know.” The boy winked and started leading us towards a large building.

“Yeah, she talks about you all the time, Tyler this, Tyler that. I never hear the end of it.” I may have been exaggerating a little bit but it wasn’t often that I had the chance to embarrass her so I was going to take it.

We followed Tyler into the building that was full of people running all over the place, it was hard to feel like we wouldn’t be in the way.

“So you guys came on a pretty hectic day. It’s our last day shooting so everyone is running around like a chicken with their head cut off. You might also see people start crying from time to time. We’re actually getting ready to head over for lunch if you want to join us.” He smiled look to each of us and we nodded.

“Sounds, great, I’m starving!” Liz said and I agreed.

I had always imagined those craft services tables full of food to be stale, dry, and just not appealing at all but that was far from the truth. The food was great. We sat down at a long picnic table where we were joined by Holland, Shelley, Cody, Sprayberry, and a few other cast members. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, Dylan wasn’t there, which I helped ease my nerves a little. Although at this point, Liz was right. It was just like hanging out with a bunch of friends.

“So what do you do [Y/N]?” Holland asked just as I had taken a bite of my food.

“Oh,” I said trying to quickly swallow what I had just put in my mouth. “I’m a preschool teacher, not nearly as glamorous as this but it’s fun.” I smiled with a small shrug.

“That’s awesome, I don’t think I would be able to deal with kids all day though, you must have a lot of patience.” Shelley remarked and I laughed.

“Yeah, it can take a lot. Some days are harder than others but even through all the tough stuff they never fail to make you laugh or make you feel loved.” I really hadn’t expected anyone to be interested in the life of a preschool teacher; so far everything was going better than my overthinking brain had anticipated.

After lunch we all headed back to the set where a few more people had showed up, still now Dylan. However, a few old cast members, Crystal Reed, Tyler Hoechlin, Colton Haynes, and Daniel Sharman had showed up, I guess to help say goodbye to the show. Liz and I sat in a couple of the spare director’s chairs and watched as they all shot their scenes, sometimes crying in between takes. It was amazing to see how they all had really become a family over the years. Every once and a while Tyler or Holland or someone would come up and make small talk with us before they had to go back to shooting another scene. Watching it all happen in front of you was totally different than seeing in on a screen with all the special effects, they would do the same scene over and over from all sorts of different angles, shooting it different ways for different effects not knowing which one would actually make the cut.

Time seemed to fly by while they were filming, although I’m sure it didn’t seem like that to them. Before long they were shooting the very last scene ever. People around us were crying; it was kind of like being back in high school, the last day of senior year. Everyone said they would stay in touch but didn’t know for sure if it would really happen. Once they were fully wrapped Tyler came over to us, just as upbeat as ever, I swear it was like Red Bull was in his blood.

“You guys are coming to the party, right? It’s going to be epic!” He said bouncing on his toes making me laugh before I nodded.

“Yeah, we wouldn’t miss it!” Liz excitedly replied.

“Awesome! I’ll text you the address and you can meet us all there, I’ll make sure your names are on the list.” He winked before turning on his heels and running over and jumping on some crew members back.

“He is a ball of energy, that one.” I laughed shaking my head. Liz turned back to look at him and nodded.

“I think it’s adorable.” She said softly a blush rising to her cheeks.

“Oh my God! You like him, don’t you? How did I not see this? You’re totally into him!” I spoke a little louder than I intended to but not loud enough for anyone besides Liz to hear me. “You should go for it tonight.” I nudged her as we walked out to the car.

“No, he doesn’t see me like that, we’re just friends.” She shrugged, getting in and starting the car up.

“You won’t know if you don’t try.” I told her with a smile. Usually she was the confident one who would go after any guy she even had an inkling of interest in; I knew if she was this shy about it she must have really liked him. “I think you should go for it, but before you do, can we get something to eat, I’m in need of a burger and fries.” I laughed as my stomach growled. I knew there would be alcohol at this party so I knew I would need more than the salad and bread I had at lunch in my system.

“I know just the place!” Liz grinned and pulled out of the parking lot heading to a small burger place down the street.

I ate my burger way faster than I should have and ended up order a second order of fries to go with the milkshake I ended up ordering too. Liz hadn’t even finished half her food before I was almost done. Who knew I was so hungry?

“Hey, I’m sorry Dylan wasn’t there today. I know how much you were looking forward to meeting him.” She said looking up from her food and over at me. I shrugged and popped another fry in my mouth.

“It’s okay, just wasn’t meant to be I guess.” I sighed. I was a little bummed about not meeting him but at the same time I knew if he had been there I would have been a babbling mess.

Once we had both finished our food we headed back out to the car. I was actually feeling really relaxed unlike I had been feeling earlier in the day. I was going to go to this party, have a couple drinks and then I would feel even better and even less awkward around all these celebrities.

The drive to the club wasn’t too far from where we were so the drive was short. As we parked and looked around it seemed that everyone, plus some was already there. We got out of the car and walked around to the front of the building and up to the bouncer.

“Names?” He asked in a deep voice that was slightly intimidating.

“Elizabeth Marks and [Y/F/N/L/N]” Liz said and the man checked through his list, making little marks before stepping aside to let us in.

The second we walked through the doors the music was surrounding us, the dim lighting setting the mood for the club. There weren’t really any clubs back home so this was a somewhat new experience for me. Before we even made past the hallway Tyler was running up to us.

“Lizzy! You made it!” He said loudly as he hugged her tightly. “Come dance!” He grinned grabbing her hand and pulling her into the club with him. She looked back and me and mouthed ‘sorry’ but I just laughed and waved her on.

Going into places alone wasn’t my favorite thing to do but I wasn’t going to ruin her chances of something happening with Tyler just because I didn’t want to walk through a club alone. I stood by the entry way for a few minutes before finally getting up the courage to walk into the actual club. I took one step and the next thing I knew I felt my ankle roll to the side and I was falling forward. As I felt myself falling all I could think was ‘this is it, this is how everyone is going to remember me, as the girl who fell on her face walking into a club.’ I was suddenly brought out of my thoughts when I felt two arms grab me, saving me from my impending social death. I placed my hands on top of the arms as they helped to steady me and get me into a standing position. I could feel my ankle throbbing but I tried to ignore it thinking it would go away in a few moments after the initial shock had worn on.

“I think you just saved my life.” I laughed trying to compose myself and stand on my own. As soon as I put weight on my ankle I could feel it start to give out and I grabbed onto the arms again.

“I don’t know about that,” I heard the voice say with a soft laugh to follow. “Are you okay?” He asked and I finally looked over at the person who had saved me from falling.

My heart stopped the second I looked up at the man who caught me. I blinked a few times wondering if my eyes were playing a trick on me. They weren’t. I recognized the whiskey colored eyes, the moles along his face peeking out from under the little bit of scruff that was starting to grow, the slightly upturned nose, the only thing missing was the backwards baseball cap. He must have noticed me staring at him because he laughed lightly before repeating his previous words, eyebrows arched, looking down at me.

“Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?” He asked. I blinked a few times trying to bring myself back to reality and shook my head.

“Oh yeah, no I’m fine.” I said with a nod, letting go of his arms and standing up on my own. But only for a brief second before the pain in my ankle became too much and it started to give out once more. Again, he was there and caught me, holding me up so I wouldn’t fall.

“Let’s get you over here where you can sit down.” He said before adjusting his grip on me, placing one arm around my waist to help me walk over to an empty booth.

I sat down and sighed, sliding back into the rounded booth as far as I could to let my ankle rest in front of me. I propped my arm on the table and leaned my head against it. The realization of what had just happened suddenly hit me and I could feel my face turning red with embarrassment. Just when I thought I would get away with not embarrassing myself, he would be here and I would immediately make a fool of myself.

“I’m Dylan, by the way.” I heard him say causing me to look up at him. I gave him a small smile, still trying to hide the redness that was on my face.

“[Y/N].” I said simply and looked back down. If Liz was here she would be laughing her ass off at how awkward I was making this whole situation.

“Well [Y/N], looks like you might have messed that ankle up pretty good.” He said looking down at it. I could already tell it was starting to swell up so I leaned over and pulled my boot off setting it down next to me. “I’m going to see if I can get you some ice. Don’t move.” He pointed at me and gave me a reassuring smile before he turned and headed towards the bar.

The second he left I pulled my phone out and texted Liz.

[Y/N]: SOS. SOS. SOS. [Y/N]: I’m in a booth near the entrance of the club. Get here. Now.

I set my phone down and waited for her to text me back. That moment never came though. Instead I saw her weaving her way through the crowed as she got closer to me, Tyler trailing behind her.

“What’s the big emergency?” She asked stopping at the end of the table and looking down at me. I pointed down at my ankle, which had gotten much larger than it was before Dylan left. “Oh my God, [Y/N] what happened? Are you okay?”

“Someone has been going hard out there!” Tyler chimed in and I rolled my eyes as they both slid into the booth next to me.

“I wish that’s what had happened.” I sighed. “I was walking into the club and stepped on something which made my ankle roll and”

“Hey so they didn’t have an ice pack but they gave me this bag of ice and a towel you can wrap it-oh hey Ty, what are you doing here?” Dylan spoke as he approached the table, stopping mid-sentence when he saw Tyler was now sitting at the table.

“What am I doing here? I think the question is what are you doing here? I thought you were back filming Death Cure?” Tyler asked looking at Dylan curiously. “Are you the reason, [Y/N] is sitting here with a messed up ankle?” Dylan rolled his eyes and I buried my face in my hands.

“You really thought I would miss this party and miss saying goodbye to the show? And actually, I saved her from falling to her death.” Dylan looked over at me and winked. In that moment I felt my stomach fly into my throat. Did he really just do that?

“What he means is that I was about to fall and he caught me. Then he dragged me over here and has been holding me hostage in this booth which is why I texted you, Liz.” I looked over at Dylan and gave him a quick smirk before looking back over at Liz. I didn’t know where this sudden confidence to be like this around him came from but I wasn’t going to try and stop it. It was better than having word vomit all night.

Dylan slid into the booth next to me and lifted up my foot as he did, I flinched in pain and he noticed mouthing a quick sorry to me before gently letting my leg rest over his lap. He carefully placed the bag of ice around my ankle causing me to flinch again, this time at the sudden rush of cold that ran up my leg.

“Wait, so you guys already know each other?” Dylan said looking between Tyler, Liz, and myself.

“Yeah, well Liz is my best friend, I just met Tyler today.” I told him with a small shrug and Tyler continued.

“This is Liz, the girl I was telling you about. I let them come check out the set today before it was all taken down.” I watched as Liz looked over at Tyler confused.

“You were telling him about me?” Was the only thing I heard her say to him before their voices both lowered and they got into their own conversation.

I leaned back against the booth with a sigh closing my eyes for a moment, my ankle still throbbing in pain.

“How’s the foot?” I heard him ask and I opened my eyes to look over at him. I shrugged with a sigh in response. “How about I flag someone down to get us a couple drinks? That should help take the edge off.” He suggested.

“Sounds like a good plan to me.” I laughed and propped myself up slightly just as someone walked over to take our drink order. “Old Fashioned.” I said and Dylan looked over at me, surprise filled his eyes. “What?” I asked with a laugh.

“Nothing, I just took you as more of a sex on the beach kind of girl.” He laughed then looked over to the waitress. “Make that two.” He told her and she went on her way.

“I like to save that for when I’ve known a guy for a while.” I winked and I could tell that response caught him off guard, but he played it off well.

The two of us made small talk as we waited for our drinks. He asked where I was from, what I did for a living, why I liked it, what my goals were. I asked him about his past, where he saw himself going in his career, what made him want to start act in the first place. We talked about our love for geeky movies like Star Wars, how we would rather spend our evenings binge watching Stranger Things than out at clubs getting drunk off our asses. Our waitress came back with our drinks and we both sipped on them slowly as we continued to just spend the evening getting to know each other. It didn’t feel like I was talking to this guy I’d just met but had a crush on for years, it felt like I was talking to an old friend who I hadn’t seen in ages, but always thought there was something there.

“Okay, favorite baseball team, go!” Dylan said and at the same time with both shouted “Mets!” and laughed like drunken idiots even though we were both complete sober.

“I’ve never been to a game but I watch them all on TV. I swear you would think my neighbors hate me, I get so loud when I yell at the TV.” I laughed and took a sip of my drink.

“Wait, you’ve never been to a game? We’re going to have to change that. First game of the season, I’m taking you.” He told me and held out his hand as if to make a deal. I took it and we shook. “It’s a date.” He said. For the first time since he had caught me earlier that evening I felt a blush creep onto my cheeks and I saw a hint of it on his as well. “I mean, well…yeah I mean, it’s a date.” He said acting nervous for the first time all night. “If you want it to be…” he said softly. I couldn’t help but smile at him.

“I would love that.” I said reassuring him, giving his hand a squeeze not even realizing we hadn’t let go.

Once we both realized we were still holding hands we let go and both looked down at our glasses awkwardly. A sudden rush of tiredness came over me and a yawn escaped from my lips, I looked down at my phone and noticed that it was almost one in the morning. Dylan and I had been talking for almost five hours.

“I should probably think about getting back to Liz’s place.” I said softly, not really wanting to go but also knowing that I needed sleep and needed to check on my ankle. I looked across the table and saw Liz and Tyler playing a very intense game of tonsil hockey on their side of the booth. I laughed before calling her name. “Liz!” I said, but got no reply from her and rolled my eyes.

“I could just give you a ride back if you want?” Dylan suggested and I looked over at him.

“Oh I couldn’t ask you to do that. This party is for you guys, I’m sure you’d rather spend time with them.” I said shaking my head.

“You’re not asking, I’m offering and besides, I’ve spend all night over here with you anyways, they won’t even know I’m going. Let me give you a ride.” He insisted and gave me the sweetest smile, who was I to say no to that.

“Okay, let me just tell Liz I’m leaving then.” I told him and reached across the table to smack Liz’s arm. “Hey!” I said loudly finally getting her attention away from Tyler. “Dylan is going to give me a ride back to your place. I’m tired and need to get this ankle elevated properly.” I told her and she nodded before looking over at Dylan and then back at me.

“Okay, well just text if you need anything before I get home.” She said and I nodded knowing that I would most likely be on my own until mid-morning at the rate she and Tyler were going. Before I even made it out of the booth the two of them were attached at the lips again causing both Dylan and I to laugh.

I slid out of the booth and Dylan held his hand out for me to grab, helping me to my feet. Before I even had a chance to try and put any weight on my ankle he placed his arm around my waist to help hold me up. We walked like that the whole way to his car. He only let go to help me into the passenger’s seat. Once he got into the car I gave him the address to Liz’s place and he started driving towards it.

“So how long are you going to be in LA for?” Dylan asked breaking the silence that we had been sitting comfortably in.

“Just until Monday, have to get back to reality.” I laughed. “Liz and I have been talking about me moving out here though, that was part of the reason behind me coming out here. To see what I would think of it.” I said looking out the window.

“And?” Dylan asked and I caught him looking at me out of the corner of my eye.

“So far it’s been a pretty good experience.” I smiled at him and he smiled back, his eyes going back to the road as he focused on where to go next.

“That’s what I like to hear.” He smiled.

“Shit!” I said suddenly causing Dylan to slam on the breaks and look at me in panic.

“What? What’s wrong?” He asked franticly causing me to laugh.

“Sorry, I just…I don’t have a key to Liz’s place. We have to go back to I can get it from him.” I said softly, slightly embarrassed that I caused him to panic like that over a silly key.

“Oh geez, I thought you were going to tell me your foot was falling off or something.” Dylan said, dramatically placing his hand on his chest like I had just given him a heart attack.

“Sorry,” I said weakly giving him the smallest smile. “Do you mind turning around so I can get it?” I asked.

“No,” he smiled reaching over and giving my hand a squeeze. “I don’t mind at all.” He said finding a parking lot to turn around in. Just when he was about to turn around he stopped and looked over at me. “Or…” he paused for a moment as if he was nervous, “you could just come hang out at my place for a while? Liz can pick you up from there when she heads home?” He suggested nervously. I couldn’t help but smile as I thought about the option. If I went back to Liz’s I would be alone, struggling to get around on this stupid ankle until she got home. But if I went to Dylan’s we could keep talking, I wouldn’t have to worry about not being able to get something because he would be there to help me get around. I silently weighed the options but it wasn’t a hard choice to make.

“That actually sounds like a really good idea.” I told him, my response making him smile which only caused me to smile.

Dylan took the car out of park and pulled back out onto the road and headed in the direction of his place. We stayed silent the whole way there, but it was nice, it wasn’t one of those awkward silences people who just met go through. It was comfortable. Once we pulled into his garage he jumped out and ran around to help me out of the car.

“You’re such a gentleman; you’re going to spoil me if you keep this up.” I joked with him as he put his arm around my waist and carefully lead me up the stairs and into his home.

I managed to stand on my own as he stepped away to turn on a few lights so we could see where we were going. I looked around noticing all the baseball memorabilia scattered throughout the home, he wasn’t kidding when he said it was his favorite thing. I looked at some of the pictures on the wall, mostly of him with his family; it was nice to see he was so close with them.

“Let’s go sit on the couch, and then we can get that ankle propped up.” Dylan hummed before leading me over to the couch. He took a couple pillows off the chair next to it and placed them on the couch, carefully lifting up my ankle just like he had done at the club, and then gently placing it down on the pillows. I leaned forward and pulled both boots off, placing them on the floor next to the couch. “I’ll go get an ice pack; do you want anything to drink?” He asked starting to make his way to the kitchen.

“Oh, just water would be good, thanks.” I called back to him and leaned into the couch, finally feeling as if I could relax some.

After a couple minute Dylan came back and handed me a bottle of water while he placed the icepack around my ankle. Once he was satisfied with how he had placed it he sat down behind me in the corner of the couch. He placed his arm around me letting me lean backwards against his chest, everything in that moment felt right. He turned the TV on and began flipping through channels until he found a Friends marathon on.

“I use to watch this show all the time. I’ve probably seen every episode at least ten times.” I laughed as I settled in a little bit more.

“Me too, it’s one of those shows that never gets old no matter how many times you watch it.” He agreed.

The two of us sat there quietly watching the show, laughing every once and a while. His hand was draped over my chest lightly and I subconsciously reached up and took his hand in mine, our fingers mingling together for a moment before I turned my head at look at him. When I did he was already looking down at me, a look in his eyes that I hadn’t seen until now. I bit my lip gently as I looked into his eyes, we were both thinking the same thing but no one knew if they should make the first move. Until he finally did.

Dylan lowered his face to mine, our lips gently touching for the first time. The kiss was hesitant at first, not knowing if we should continue, but after the initial shock of our lips touching, we both relaxed into it, our lips slowly moving in time together. I let go of his hand and brought mine to his cheek, both his coming up to rest on either side of my face as the kiss began to get deeper. This continued for a few moments, a soft mewl coming from my lips as it continued to intensify. Eventually we both pulled back to catch our breath.

“I’ve been wanting to do that all night.” Dylan whispered, his forehead resting against mine, eyes closed, taking in the moment.

“Me too,” I whispered back, our eyes locking for the first time since our lips first met. “I want to do it again.” I said not even realizing how lame that must have sounded. But Dylan must have found it adorable because he laughed for a moment and then our lips were connecting again.

This time the kiss was even deeper than before, his hands wandered slowly up my thighs, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind. My fingers found their way into his hair, gently tugging at it as held his face close to mind, keeping our lips from parting. I could feel Dylan’s member beginning to harden against my leg as the kiss began to grow more and more passionate with each passing second. I moaned softly into his mouth, his fingers moving further up my thighs until they stopped right below my ass.

I arched my back just enough to wiggle my jacket from my body and tossed it to the ground. Before I could settle back down Dylan rolled us over, my back now resting on the couch as he hovered over me, our lips only parting for a second to smile at each other. My hands moved to his hips, slowly sliding under his shirt and trailing up his toned stomach. His hands traveled to my shoulders, pushing my romper off my shoulders, my bra straps moving along with it. I helped him remove the clothing from my shoulders and pulled my arms from the sleeves before taking his shirt in my hands and lifting it off his body.

I pulled my lower lip into my mouth as I looked over his body hovering over me, moles scattered along his skin. I leaned forward and gently pressed my lips to his collar bone, trailing a line of kisses up his neck, along his jaw line, before finally meeting his lips again. As I did this, his hands traveled down my body, pushing my romper off the rest of the way. I began to kick it off but gasped in pain, having forgotten about my ankle being injured. Dylan pulled back and looked down at me, a sad look on his face.

“You okay, babe?” He asked softly and I nodded.

“I’m okay,” I reassured him and smiled. He smiled back at me before sitting up and gently pulling my clothes from my body. He reached behind me and unhooked my bra; I pulled it off and tossed it on the floor with our growing pile of fabric. Dylan looked down at me, his eyes scanning my body, something that would normally make me nervous or uncomfortable, but with him I felt at ease.

“You’re so beautiful, [Y/N].” He whispered, causing my cheeks to redden before he brought our lips together again.

At this point I could feel his member pressing hard against my thigh and I began working to undo his belt, then his khakis. Once they were finally open I pushed them down his legs, taking his boxers with them, letting his member smack against his abdomen. I gently ran my hand along his shaft, my thumb running along his tip, feeling the precum that had formed. He groaned into the kiss causing me to smile. I was just about to wrap my hand around him fully when he pulled away and looked down at me, a smirk playing at his lips.

Dylan began placing wet kisses along my jaw and down my neck, sucking when he reached my sweet spot making sure to leave a red mark where he had been. He continued down, licking between the valley of my breast, glancing up at me before taking one of my hardening peaks into his mouth, his hand gently pinching at the other. I moaned, my eyes closing at the feeling of his arm mouth around me. After paying a good amount of attention to my breasts, his lips continued their journey down my body, licking and sucking, leaving marks all over my skin. He got lower and lower until he finally reached where I needed him the most but he stopped. I looked down at him and he looked back up at me then began placing small kisses along the inside of my thighs, taking his sweet time before finally coming back to where I needed him.

The second he licked a strip up my center I gasped. He blew a line of air across my wet fold before licking a strip up me again, this time he stopped and sucked my clit into his mouth, catching me off guard. A loud moan fell from my lips, my head pushing back into the couch.  

“F-Fuck, Dylan.” I groaned and I could feel him smirk against me.

He continued sucked and nibbling at my sensitive nub but soon pushed a finger into me causing another loud gasp. He pumped his finger a few times before adding a second one, curing them just enough to hit my g-spot. I moaned loudly as he began licking my wetness, urging me closer to my end. He hummed against me when my clit was back in his mouth and that was all it took to push me over the edge. I felt myself tighten around his fingers as he continued to pump them, helping me ride out my orgasm, while he licked up everything I had.

Once I had come down from my high he licked one last stripe up my folds and came back up to my lips, kissing me hard. I could taste myself on his lips, something I never thought would turn me on, but with him it did. I broke the kiss and took his hand that had been inside of me and brought his fingers to my lips. One by one I sucked them into my mouth, licking all of me from them.

“Fuck,” Dylan groaned as he watched me, “that was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.” He said making me laugh. His member was pressing hard against the inside of my thigh, teasingly close to my core. It took all I had not wrap my hand around him and push him into me right then. Instead, I pulled his face down to mine in a heated kiss filled with want and need. He could sense it as well.

Neither of us had to say anything to know that the other was ready. I reached between us and wrapped my hand around his hard cock. I pumped him a few time before gently rubbing his tip in my wetness until I eventually lined in him with my entrance. We both looked at each other and he gave me a look as if to ask if I was ready, I just smiled and gave him a small nod.

“Shit [Y/N].” Dylan groaned as he finally pushed into me. “You’re so tight.” He mumbled against my lips, slowly pushing all the way into me. He paused when he couldn’t go any further and waited for me to adjust.

My eyes were closed tightly as I tried to adjust to his size, our foreheads pressed together. I finally looked up at him, our noses brushing together gently and I kissed him softly.

“Go…” I whispered against his lips, my hands holding his face close. I moaned when he pulled out and slowly began thrusting into me. “D-Dylan fuck…” I moaned, our breathing already starting to pick up.

After a few slower thrusts Dylan began to pick up his pace, this caused us both to moan out loudly at the sudden change of friction. Our lips collided roughly and my hands tangled in his hair as he continued to pick up the pace.

“You feel so good, [Y/N].” Hearing Dylan moan my name only turned me on even more. He pulled my bottom lip between his teeth, gently nipping at it as my nails scratched at his back. I could already feel myself getting closer to my end but I needed to hold out as long as I could.

“Right there…fuck!” I moaned when Dylan suddenly hit my g-spot. This urged him to go harder and faster bringing him closer to his end as well.

Our breathing was heavy; it and the sound of skin on skin were the only sounds in the room besides our muffled moans of each other’s names. Dylan removed his lips from mine only to place them on my neck sucking at my sweet spot, my mouth falling open, moan after moan falling from my lips.

“I’m close Dyl.” I whimpered my back arcing into him.

“Come on baby,” he urged attacking my lips with his again.

A few more thrusts later I could feel my walls tighten around him as my orgasm hit me hard, his following soon after, his member twitching inside of me before he filled me with his warmth. His thrusts got sloppy as his orgasm took over, our bodies melting together when we both slowly came down from our highs.

He collapsed onto the couch next to me, part of his body still resting on mine, both of us panting trying to regain our breath after what I would call the best orgasm of my life.

“What?” My eyes were closed but I was smiling, I could sense him watching me, I laughed softly.

“You’re just so beautiful.” He softly said pushing a curl of hair out of my face his hand lingering on my cheek.

I opened my eyes to look at him, a smile still spread across my lips which only grew when I saw him smiling down at me. I leaned up and kissed him gently.

“You’re too sweet.” I whispered and kissed him again before snuggling into his side.

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, letting out a content sigh as my head rested on Dylan’s chest, the sound of his heart beating faster matching mine. I looked up at him when I felt him pull a blanket over our bodies and I smiled placing a small kiss to his chest before settling back into my position. I felt him press a soft kiss to the top of my head and wrap his arms around me just as I started to feel myself drifting off to sleep.

Maybe moving to Los Angeles wouldn’t be such a bad idea, maybe it was time for a change.

[junker-town]

NFL Dad, Week 6: Sorry, Aaron Rodgers. Have some birthday cake

Can one overwhelmed dad pull off a toddler birthday party in the morning and still watch six and a half hours of RedZone? That depends: Do naps count as watching football?

My daughter turns three this week, so we hosted her birthday party before the games kicked off. It was a confetti-themed party. There was confetti inside the balloons, over-sized beach balls with colorful spots, sprinkles on the cake, and more sprinkles at the cookie-decorating station.

Not that a theme matters to my daughter. She wants two things out of a birthday party: pizza and cake. Everything else is window dressing.

ME: Look sweetie, all of your best friends in the world are right here just to be with you!

HER: [shrug]

ME: Should I go pick up the pizza?

HER: PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA!

That said, the cookie decoration station was a big hit, and it bought the adults a long stretch of time where the kids are stationary and mostly quiet. This was a REVELATION. Ever since my wife gave birth twice in 19 months, I haven’t spoken to another adult at a kid’s birthday party for longer than 45 seconds.

But with the kids entertaining themselves? I had no fewer than five pleasant conversations with other parents that ended like normal human interactions, and not with me sprinting toward a crying child. I know every parent says, “It goes so fast!” and “I miss those days!” but I’m more than happy to floor it past the first two years of birthday parties.

We can stop time now, at age three, while Aaron Rodgers has two intact collarbones.

EARLY GAMES, FIRST HALF

— My picks this week for Team OddsShark in the SuperContest are as follows:

Lions +5 at Saints

Packers -3 at Vikings

Cardinals +2.5 versus Bucs

Chiefs -4.5 versus Steelers

Raiders -3.5 versus Chargers

At one point a few weeks ago, I said I was going to include my picks every week, but that was before I learned I could write a column with a word count to rival Peter King’s. So when my picks have been bad, they’ve been edited out (or never written at all). And they’ve been REALLY bad: I’m sitting at 12 points (out of a maximum 25) through five weeks. Woof.

UPDATE: 1-4 on the day! This section is hereby retired forever.

— The birthday party ends at 12:30 Eastern, but it takes a while to clean up, pack up, walk home, and start putting the kids down for their naps. By the time I turn the TV, the Jets lead the Patriots 7-0, and Aaron Rodgers has left the game with an injury to his throwing shoulder. Yeesh, Friday the 13th is really making a full weekend of it, huh?

— I’m counting on Lions-Saints to be a fantasy bonanza. I have what feels like every wide receiver from these teams in one league or another, and the conditions are ideal (bad defenses, Superdome) for a million points. Golden Tate’s opening touchdown HAS to be a harbinger of what’s to come.

I've seen better tackling in a Pee Wee game LOL Saints http://pic.twitter.com/YHTtBpFt9I

— Isaac (@WorldofIsaac) October 15, 2017

The one wide receiver on these teams I DON’T have is Tedd Ginn, who immediately scores a touchdown on what appears to be a crossing route (if I’m wrong, it’s because I’m watching my kids, not All-22). I refuse to let Ted Ginn be redeemed in the Saints’ offense. I don’t care how open he gets behind the defense, the only people he’s burned with any consistency is fantasy owners.

The only people Ted Ginn burns with any consistency are fantasy owners.

— After the Vikings intercept Brett Hundley, Jerick McKinnon scores on a screen pass to give Minnesota a 7-0 lead. I have zero faith that a greenhorn backup can rally the Packers on the road against one of the best defenses in the league. This one’s over.

— Josh McCown is now 11-of-15 passing with two touchdowns. The Jets lead 14-0. Twitter reacts wildly, as if they expect the Patriots to NOT come back and win this game comfortably. Yes, this is a bad Pats defense, but also — and more importantly — this is the Jets. New England’s gonna win this one.

— My son has been teething non-stop for the last six weeks or so, just rows and rows of new teeth like a shark. Before I had kids, I heard enough from parents to know, “Oh, teething is bad,” but I never knew just WHY it was bad. “Their mouth hurts, bummer” is what I’d think, then I’d go back to thinking about movies or sex or eating at a restaurant.

But no! The mouth pain is just one small aspect of the teething experience. When teeth are tearing through little toddler gums, the child doesn’t eat as well. He doesn’t sleep as well. But that’s fine, eating and sleeping are only THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT PARTS of keeping a child happy.

On top of that, although there’s no medical evidence for causation, teething is often accompanied by fever, a runny nose, and diarrhea. Runny noses can lead to ear infections, and frequent diarrhea can lead to diaper rash. So, instead of your usual happy child, you’ve got a tired, hungry monster whose various holes are in constant pain.

And the worst part is that you don’t even know he’s teething. You just spend several days being frustrated at your kid: “Why won’t this little jerk eat? Why’s he so grumpy?” And then three days later you see a new tooth poking through, and it’s like, “Ohhhhhhhh, NOW I get it.” Teething blows.

— Tarik Cohen throws a touchdown to Zach Miller on a halfback toss! There is now a viable argument that Cohen is the fourth-best quarterback in Bears history.

Running Back Tossing TD Alert! @_Twenty8_ to @ZMiller86 for SIX! #DaBears http://pic.twitter.com/MlyxkpaUr9

— NFL (@NFL) October 15, 2017

This is my all-time favorite play in Madden (NOTE: This is also why I was very bad at Madden).

— Like Golden Tate before him, Braxton Miller flips into end zone.

.@BraxtonMiller5 is flipping his way into the end zone! #Texans http://pic.twitter.com/huhWiO3YuZ

— NFL (@NFL) October 15, 2017

I’m happy for Braxton. It has to be hard to make it in the NFL with a lacrosse name.

— KIRK COUSINS FREE AGENCY SUPER-CONTRACT WATCH: Cousins, playing his future suitors from Santa Clara, throws an interception, which is overturned on replay. He then throws ANOTHER pick by air-mailing a deep ball into double coverage.

There are 49ers fans who are actually excited about the prospect of signing Cousins. To these people I can only say: Have you considered a sanitarium? Fresh air, no wi-fi, comfy robes. We can help, but you need to want to get better.

— Stephen Gostkowski misses a 47-yarder, and it looks like the Pats will go into halftime down 14-7 or worse ... until Josh McCown throws an INT. A quick bomb to Brandin Cooks sets the Pats up inside the Jets’ 5-yard line, and a Rob Gronkowski touchdown ties the game before the half.

Well, at least the Jets had that first quarter.

EARLY GAMES, SECOND HALF

— Besides the excitement of the party, my wife and I balanced parenting with three and a half hours of party prep (squatting at picnic tables, a trip to Party City); schlepped a a full party’s worth of food, drink, and decorations to the park; and weathered my daughter’s first bee sting. GOOD NEWS: She’s not allergic to bee stings! Helluva day to find out, though.

All of this is to say: You’re goddamn right I took a nap when the games went to halftime.

— When I wake up, the Pats lead 24-14. Order has been restored to the world.

— But the Falcons are … losing? At home? To the DOLPHINS?!!? But they were up 17-0 at the half! What in God’s name is going on here? And why are the Falcons rushing to get plays off? WHOA THERE’S ONLY A MINUTE LEFT! That was a good nap!

I know Falcons fans must be stressed the hell out about this two-minute drill, but this moment made me chuckle:

LOL http://pic.twitter.com/wPBYFHUWAC

— Steve Noah (@Steve_OS) October 15, 2017

Taylor Gabriel is just a speedy little football doll!

Then, with the Falcons in range of a game-tying field goal, Reshad Jones picks off Matt Ryan. The throw hit Austin Hooper in the hands, but his bobble provided Jones with all the opportunity he needed to end the game.

Wow. The Falcons were 11.5-point favorites at home, and they lost to Jay Cutler. Gonna have to fumigate the whole stadium after that one.

— We can tell my daughter has woken up from her nap when we hear a full-voiced “Happy birthday to youuuuu” coming from her room.

— The Ravens trail 24-13 at home, and they’re kicking a 50-yard field goal with three minutes left. What a limp way to run up the white flag.

A few minutes later, RedZone cuts back to the Ravens, who have gotten a spectacular punt return for a touchdown!

This is CLUTCH! #RavensFlock http://pic.twitter.com/1v9j6L9kdY

— NFL (@NFL) October 15, 2017

ALL PART OF JOHN HARBAUGH’S PLAN. You have to get the ball out of Joe Flacco’s hands and let the defense and special teams take over (The only other Ravens touchdown today came from a kickoff return).

The Ravens convert the two-point attempt to tie the game, and the Bears have 1:30 to take the lead back. With the game on the line, Mitchell Trubisky leads ... a three-and-out. Once again, we get an extra period of ham-fisted ding-dongs flailing at each other instead of sending them home with the tie they deserve. BAN OVERTIME.

— As the Packers lose in Minnesota, the news gets even worse: Aaron Rodgers has broken his right collarbone, just like my daughter earlier this season. She healed completely in four weeks, but Rodgers, being a slightly lesser athlete, may be done for the season. We go now to race for the NFC North division title:

PANDEMONIUM

— Every week I struggle to demarcate the endings of early games with the beginnings of late ones, so they get their own section this week. We’re gonna let this football estuary do its thing, trusting that time will separate the saltwater from the fresh.

— As my son wakes up from his nap, a Lions punt return for a touchdown cuts the Saints’ lead to 45-31. There are still 11 minutes left; this could be a game.

— In the span of about a minute, RedZone shows the following: The Rams returning the opening kickoff for a touchdown; Adrian Peterson’s first touchdown for the Cardinals; Leonard Fournette responding to the Rams’ score with a 75-yarder to the house; and the 49ers getting a late touchdown to put some heat on Washington. Scott Hanson is losing his mind.

— A’Shawn Robinson intercepts Drew Brees at goal line and walks it in for an easy touchdown. It’s now 45-38 with more than six minutes to play. I am desperate for the Lions to cover.

The girl can freehand a circle that rivals Giotto’s but still hasn’t learned to jump properly.

— My wife leaves with to walk our dog, taking our son in the stroller with her. My daughter stays at her kid-sized IKEA table, focused on drawing. She would draw or paint for five hours every day if we didn’t force her get up and attempt to develop gross motor skills. The girl can freehand a circle that rivals Giotto’s but still hasn’t learned to jump properly. We have some work to do.

— The Bears win! It was a field goal or something, I was putting some frozen chicken nuggets into the oven. There are two kind of frozen nuggs: pre-cooked, which take about 15 minutes to bake, and uncooked, which take 25-30 minutes. The uncooked ones (which is what we’re making today) ultimately taste better, but 25-30 minutes is a LONG time for kids. You really need to be ahead of the hunger curve to make these.

— In Jacksonville, it’s Jags 14, Rams 10 barely 8 minutes into the game. I’m gonna need this game to come down off PCP.

— The Lions have a disastrous muffed punt that nearly goes for a safety. Instead, they start a drive at their own one-yard line, and Matt Stafford promptly gets picked by Cam Robinson for the insta-six. It looks nearly identical to the play that brought them within a score. Now it’s 52-38, and while the score isn’t THAT surprising, these teams combining for FOUR defensive touchdowns certainly is.

In consecutive games, the Saints defense has produced a shutout and scored three touchdowns. I blame this on global warming.

LATE GAMES, FIRST HALF

— With the early games finally done, I’d like to celebrate the rarest of RedZone occasions: A good slate of late games! Chargers-Raiders is a great rivalry game despite the two teams’ records, Steelers-Chiefs is a battle of AFC heavyweights, and Rams-Jaguars is high on bath salts and running loose through the swamp. The lone clunker looks to be Bucs-Cardinals, where the Cardinals are already up 21-0. Larry Fitzgerald is doing that thing where he’s one of the greatest receivers who ever lived.

— My daughter runs into the room wearing a pink cape. She eats a tortilla chip that my son discarded on the couch. “I’m a superhero!” she says.

“What’s your superhero name?” I ask.

“HMMMMM.” She has obviously not done the groundwork on her origin story.

“Are you the Pink Crusader?”

“Yeah!” She runs out of the room, then runs back in. “I’m a superhero!”

“What’s your superhero name?” I ask again.

She yells, “The Pink Crusader!” Again, she runs out of the room.

She runs back in and stops in front of me. She casually leans an arm on the couch and says, “I’m the Pink Crusader.”

— After a Steelers safety and a Chiefs field goal make a baseball score, the Steelers score the first TD of the game by giving Kanas City an overwhelming dose of Peak Le’Veon Bell. The entire drive was Bell gently picking his way through traffic with his trademark hesitation-acceleration.

Now that I think about it, the late slate is bursting with my favorite running backs to watch — not just Bell, but Melvin Gordon, Marshawn Lynch, Leonard Fournette, and Todd Gurley. And while every news report from the last three years suggests that Adrian Peterson is an unrepentant egomaniacal shithead, his resurgence for the Cardinals adds to the overall effect (I’d still prefer a healthy David Johnson, though).

Ryan Fitzpatrick isn’t even the best Fitz in this game.

— Jameis Winston is doubtful to return with a shoulder injury. RYAN FITZPATRICK CLAIMS ANOTHER SCALP. Fitzmagic takes his first snap down 24-0 on the road in a game where he’s not even the best Fitz. My expectations are sufficiently tempered.

Soon enough, Fitzpatrick leads the Bucs on a respectable drive. On second-and-goal, he does one of his trademark moves: giving up on a play too early, running for it, and diving headfirst into defenders. On third-and-goal, well, let’s just call this unorthodox and leave it at that.

I got you Bill http://pic.twitter.com/yTkI0rtkQQ

— Cameron DaSilva (@camdasilva) October 15, 2017

And on fourth down, Patrick Peterson fights through a pick to break up a slant to Mike Evans. Still no score for the Bucs.

— I’m starving. I head to the kitchen to grab a slice of leftover pizza, then absentmindedly head back to the TV. Rookie mistake. My kids are in the middle of their non-pizza dinner, and they’ve witnessed the superior option.

“I want pizza! I want pizza!” my daughter says, and my poor wife has to explain that she already had pizza at her party today, and will have pizza again on her actual birthday this week. “You’re right, Mommy. That’s enough pizza for one week,” is not what my daughter says. It is the last thing any child would ever say.

— The Rams score on a blocked punt, their second special teams touchdown of the half, to head into the locker room up 24-14. Jags DC Todd Walsh DEFINITELY hates the other coordinators, right?

LATE GAMES, SECOND HALF

— Fitzpatrick’s first throw of the second half is an interception, and the Cardinals respond with a 4-play touchdown drive. Carson Palmer’s touchdown pass to John Brown is so hilariously underthrown that it fakes the defender out. The cornerback foolishly ran into the end zone as Brown tracked back to catch the ball floating down at the two-yard line.

— Bath time. My wife puts both kids in the bath, but when my son is done I leave the TV to help with my daughter. She says, “I’m the Little Mermaid!” (shakes fist) DISNEEEEYYYY!

“Well, the Little Mermaid has beautiful hair because she washes it all the time. We should probably shampoo your hair so it’s like hers,” I say, and she assents faster than she ever has to a hair-washing. Although now that I think about it, mermaid hair would have to be distinctly different from human hair to not be completely damaged by constant submersion in saltwater. The lies we tell our children.

When I finish washing her hair, she lays back in the tub to rinse, and I hold the back of her head to massage the shampoo out. Ringed by remnants of bubbles, her face has the beatific look of the precogs from Minority Report, and she makes up a song about a bear, singing it under her breath, so lightly I can’t follow whatever plot there is. It is a peaceful, unscripted moment that is filled with the kind of awe and love usually reserved for cathedrals. Best part of my day.

— After I dry her off and put her in pajamas, I come back to a virtually unchanged landscape of football: The Jaguars, Steelers, and Raiders are still holding on to single-digit leads, and the Bucs are still getting pantsed, though they ARE finally on the board.

— The Chiefs offense, humbled by the Pittsburgh defense most of the day, pieces together a drive by throwing to Kareem Hunt. But on 4th and 2 inside the Steelers’ five-yard line, Andy Reid, trailing 12-3, chooses to go for it instead of kicking the field goal. The pass is nearly picked off, and the Steelers get the ball.

Now, I am Mr. Go-For-It, a believer in advanced analytics and a member of the Cult of Barnwell. I would love to celebrate Reid’s boldness (process over outcome!), but I’m just not sure the risk was worth it.

— Here now is the Bortlest pair of plays possible: On second down, Blake Bortles is sacked and fumbles, but Jags are able to recover the ball. Then, on 3rd and 14, Bortles sails a pass over a wide receiver (who is well short of the sticks); the ball bounces off the receivers’ outstretched fingertips and into the hands of a defensive back for an interception. It’s all there in two plays: poor pocket awareness, bad decision-making, and costly inaccuracy.

I know the “They could have Colin Kaepernick on their team!” refrain is growing old, but for me it’s growing old because it’s EXHAUSTING to think about the success that mediocre teams could enjoy if they cared more about winning than not signing a guy whose activism offends the NFL’s ruling class.

— My wife is shrieking with laughter as my son blows raspberries on her legs. He’s been a relentless pain in the butt in the final hour before bed during this teething epoch, so I’m really only writing this so there’s some historical record of him being a sweet, funny kid.

— One of the Chiefs’s speedy playmakers finally steps up. Alex Smith scrambles and finds De’Anthony Thomas open on the left sideline, and the former Duck makes tacklers miss in space before flipping into the end zone. That’s the third one today!

Alex Smith extends the play... And @DATBLACKMOMBA13 takes care of business. 57-yard @Chiefs TOUCHDOWN! #ChiefsKingdom http://pic.twitter.com/lVmaGuCdJe

— NFL (@NFL) October 15, 2017

MANDATORY NOTE: This touchdown would have given the Chiefs the lead if they’d just kicked the dang field goal.

�� Holy bananapants, this Antonio Brown touchdown on third-and-two:

Already the catch of the year from Antonio Brown @btsteelcurtain http://pic.twitter.com/tXDNfVrr06

— Clay Wendler (@ClayWendler) October 15, 2017

Your move, De’Anthony Thomas and/or Tyreek Hill. No? No equally jaw-dropping game-breaker? Very well, then: Steelers win.

— I put my kids to bed. Their hair smells like dreams.

— The Bucs are scoring a bunch of points, but it’s too little, far too late. I’m not going to legitimize this alleged comeback with details.

— The Raiders run a hook-and-lateral in their own territory on third-and-12 up two points. It doesn’t go horrifically, but it DOES fall short of the first down. The Raiders punt, back the Chargers up, then allow a game-winning field goal drive.

— As the games wrap up, my wife asks, “Why are we watching the NFL if Aaron Rodgers, J.J. Watt, and Odell Beckham aren’t in it?” It’s a great point, but also: WATCH IT, LADY. THIS COLUMN FEEDS OUR FAMILY.