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#at least he cant do it to anyone else
fleshdyke · 2 years
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shdjjdbdjd
#csa warning for tags#i would give fucking anything to know who did this to me lol.#i don’t know if i’ll ever know and that’s the most distressing part#fuck what happened to me. i cant even remember it. i still deal w the trauma from it but like its over and done i cant do anything abt it#who cares abt that. i just desperately need to know if whoever did it is still out there.#i really really really hope it was that kindergarten teacher i had that got fired for being a pedo. because at least he got consequences.#at least he cant do it to anyone else#im just absolutely fucking terrified that they got away with it. that theyre still getting away with it.#how many other kids did they rape. could i have saved them#i just wish i could fucking remember what happened and who it was bc the idea of it being someone i trusted. and them never getting caught#makes me fucking sick#im on the brink of a fucking breakdown bc im so terrified that they raped someone else and i couldnt stop them#or that they’re still in my life#and i feel like its my fault for never saying anything bc i couldnt remember who did it#but like. at the time. when i Could remember it. why didnt i say anything#and logically i know im not to blame because i was a fucking child i wasnt even 10 yet and i cant remember anything abt it now#but i still feel so fucking guilty bc what if they got to someone else before i could do anything about it#my dad laughs at rape jokes and makes fun of me for being so protective of little girls i meet and so scared of older men#and i cant fucking tell him i got raped because he wouldn’t fucking believe me#even if i had the memories to prove it he wouldn’t believe me#and i dont even want to entertain the idea that he did it bc that would mean my rapist is in my house every fucking day#and i dont think im able to handle that#just. fuck#im so scared theyre still in my life#i guess im glad i cant remember being raped but i wish i knew who did it so i can know if they got consequences#rambles#vent
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hiii i got a little insane over haskills characterization in the other elder scrolls games / material. teehee rambling abt these ^ quotes under the cut (long). also im not that serious abt any of this tbh im just glad haskill appeared in any other elder scrolls material at all LOL
OKAY. okay. about these quotes. idk why other TES media does this, but in these quotes from elder scrolls legends + the interview with haskill it seems like the writers are pushing to give the impression that haskill slightly resents or is even indifferent to his position / the isles / sheogorath ?? (unless haskill is being a little bit more flippant or hyperbolic than usual...?) which is characterization that is NOT what i got from playing oblivion at all skdskdjfn
like... when i played oblivion i thought it was very clear that haskill prefers to be in the isles, serving sheogorath, more than anywhere else. (<- i think this is actually the reason he's technically "mad" even tho he seems sane outwardly. if you enjoy being among madmen it probably means you're mad yourself ykwim). i think haskill does like the isles, his ass is just reserved abt it, like he is about everything... yknow just like jeeves, whose character he's been compared to lmao:)
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i think unfortunately some writers take his annoyance with the player and his slight second thoughts about sheogorath's plan in oblivion, and mistakenly assume that he's just annoyed at his whole position. haskill does have his moments of exasperation, but the thing is it's usually only exasperation and it never verges into anger or bitterness or resentment like the top quotes seem to indicate. for example, haskill says this abt his idea of you mantling sheo / the clowns debacle:
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^ This quote is a good reference point for haskill's view on sheo bc its pretty much the most critical-of-sheogorath quote from oblivion i can recall, and it tells us a lot of things. in this quote he expresses some exasperation about the clown idea (because he's a prissy bitch who doesn't want to get his outfit dirty /affectionate) and shows some apprehension about one of his lord's ideas (because it involves you, and haskill doesnt like you). but these 2 points he has beef with aren't really reflective of sheo himself but of other issues - ie he doesn't directly question sheogorath. and IN THE END Haskill defers to sheo's judgement because haskill trusts him and values sheo's ideas. in all of his oblivion dialogue, this is the most critical toward sheogorath he gets, and he never outright insults or shows resentment toward him or the isles like in the above quotes bc his loyalty to sheogorath eclipses it
on the contrary (and i dont know why the writers for non-oblivion elder scrolls content dont seem to see this??), theres so much evidence that haskill actually does, you know,,, enjoy being in the isles. here are just some snippets i can think of:
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"the isles are hardly a place for anyone, really" <- i BEG to differ, Haskill likes it here, he likes listening to prisoners being tortured in xedillian, he likes wearing his ridiculous frilly high collar outfit emblematic of the fashions of the isles, he doesn't care about morality and it suits him just fine that it doesn't matter here!! (the end quote might be him being a little facetious about relmyna but to be honest i wouldn't be surprised if he thought decency and morality WERE provincial notions because he certainly has no problem killing people lmao). and again, to enjoy doing these things / being around madmen probably says something abt haskill being mad himself. lol
not to mention he likes a bit of joking around. which i imagine sheo does a whole lot. when YOU rib him a little he says this:
his derision in the first bit i think indicates, "i cant believe you would joke around at a time like this," and the upturning of the "very good" i think indicates, "it was a good joke / maybe they could mantle sheo after all". he's not all dour - he appreciates a good joke, especially from (someone who's about to become) his Lord!!
and going a little deeper into haskill actually liking the isles... haskill clearly holds what sheogorath and the isles represent (chaos, free will, individuality) very highly. a good example of this is when you ask him about dyus, and he gives this snarky reply:
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^ he says this with such VITRIOL its so funny :p and the amount of disdain in this line indicates (to me) a real conviction in his belief in the free will, chaos etc that sheogorath represents.
this is why i dont think this quote makes sense. "i cant remember why i put up with [sheogorath]" <- haskill wouldnt say this bc he understands fully why he puts up w sheogorath, and his own convictions in sheo that lead him to keep doing it, and even if this quote is him being hyperbolic, i dont think he'd joke about his faith in sheogorath like that because, yk, one of his characteristics is that he's extremely loyal, and moreover he never said anything to this effect in oblivion sdkjskdjs
him having a strong belief in what sheogorath / the isles represent is also evidenced by the language haskill uses when talking about sheo. whenever haskill mentions him, there is an element of poetry and respect to his words that shows that haskill thinks about him highly at the very least:
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^ haskill constantly stresses sheogorath's intrinsic unknowableness and power and unique wisdom in a way that feels very respectful. saying "to attempt to fathom [sheogorath's will] is a foolish endeavor" shows that he knows there are unexplainable aspects to sheogorath that he takes note of, respects, and knowingly keeps his distance from... he gets sheogorath and reveres him (at least more than most others or the HoK). in these quotes especially, it feels a bit like hes trying to illustrate how impressive sheogorath is to the HoK, hyping up his boyfriend if you would. who said that. and combined with this respect is (i believe!!!!) a deep care. he is invested in the isles and sheo and wants to help them out of more than just duty. he gets fearful and even loses his composure at some points in the story when sheo/the isles are threatened which i think indicates that he deeply cares for them both!!:
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i think this is a care that, combined with the respect he has for sheo, makes it really unlikely for him to get more than exasperated with his behavior and verge into resentfulness. i dont think anyone truly understands sheogorath, not even haskill, but haskill respects sheo as a god, and also gets him in a more familiar/personal way i think - like the way that a cat owner loves their cat but gets exasperated with it when it gets its head stuck in a tissue box. he doesn't angry or anything because he understands that it's the cat's nature to get stuck in the tissue box / sheo's nature to be wild and unpredictable and messy. (the difference being that sheogorath is an all-powerful god cat..... do u see my vision???)
anyway this got crazy long JHDSHFSD... to finish i wanted to look at this extra bit of characterization i found that was wild to me:
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^ like. i truly dont get where they got THIS characterization LMAO sheo constantly calls haskill faithful and smart and knowledgeable in oblivion, he practically begs you to summon haskill for help, hyping up his boyfriend so to speak, they care for each other your honor so of COURSE sheo trusts haskill to do his job. what are the legends writers doing in there!!
ANYWAY dear god this got long im going to bed <3
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boxwinebaddie · 25 days
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How/when does Jersey end up saying I love you?
oooooh! okay, so i was going to write it out ( i am jennifer slowpez so in nina fashion, i am spoiling it, what's new? ) but there is a part after this...if we remember this ask i am obsessed with where raven is diabolically patching jersey up via the tiny child sized hellokitty carebear bandids kyle bought for the kids he works w in the elementary school via that one anons delicious input...genius really.
*raven vc* pero like, so you know, they pull away it's awkward fml. dawg, they are about to *dreamy fit asf rm tolkien posh british vc* have a cheeky little snog like that entire whumpshot...anyways!
( ALRIGHT THIS IS LONG, VERY UNHINGED AND ROUGH SORRY I HOPE YOU SMILE LAUGH AND CRY PENDEJOS <3 )
kyle notices that the vinyl record player is playing their sadie hawkins first dance song ( idk what song it is but its an abba song because thats gay rights baby! its probably my love, my life or andante andante...branch in my eyes ) and theres a bowl of skittles, but only the red ones are in it...because stan still eats around the red ones bc only kyle can have the red ones....brb crying!
yadda yadda yadda. and i think on the tv, the screen is paused over a brand new episode of say yes to the dress ( if we recall, before i deleted chapter six...which was a disaster but also a masterpiece rip, ravenstan was being so boyfail cute in it in his armani suit and was rizzing the hell out of kyle with his crunchy boy knowledge of plants...when stan came over for their #hate fashionably late, kyle was stress-watching say yes to the dress...which is his favorite show because he claims to be allergic to romance, but secretly thinks its really beautiful that people can fall and love and get married...AAA )
but anyways, when they start dating say yes to the dress ( shoutout to when ravenstan forgot what it was called bc adhd and called it Are You Down With The Gown ) became their show and kyle very quietly is like "were you going to watch it?" and stan getting nervous, trying to deflect because they always watch it together is like uhuhuhHhHh and kyle, sad laugh shaking his head is like "baby" *yersey swearing* "dude...baby dude...my guy...just guy, fuck, you know you can watch it without me. we're not...Together. *hurts worse than his ribs* you don't have to wait for me." and stan is like "i-i know. i was going to...i-i Wanted to! i just--i couldn't. i couldn't watch all the people in...."
Love :(
he doesn't say it. but jersey kyle can FEEL it.
he winces. hard.
he wants to fucking die...he wants to say something but he's so stupid and he ruined ravenstan's life, words fail him but STAN!!! grabs his hand and is like "-because! because i knew it would make me miss you. and fuck it. FUCK EVERYTHING KYLE I FUCKING MISS YOU!!!! i miss you and i LOVE you and i don't--i don't care if you can't say it back! i don't have to wait for you, but i WILL! i want to! i'll--i'll wait forever! YOURE MY FOREVER. people tell me they love me everyday, but with you--i can feel it. I. Just. Know. and that's enough! you're enough. YOURE ENOUGH, KYLE BROFLOVSKI. just the way you are. and i'm sorry...i'm sorry i pushed you and tried to change you. i was just, i was insecure about it i guess--and--and--"
cue kyle smiling like an idiot ( the rare kyle smile ) like "...stan?"
ft. stan still yapping smh like "oh my god, i miss you SO much! curb only got into the trash because you weren't here to remind me. and i had pasta from this five star restaurant the other day and oh my god, ky. it was TRASH! yours is so much better! and-and i think i broke the washing machine earlier, oh my god, it sounded like an explosion, i can't find anything, i--"
kyle...literally still trying to get stans attention smh going
"stan? hey? stan???? Stan???"
stans still yapping btw ( oh my god when he is passionate the man never shuts the hell up hes like rambling himself into a corner ) like "and theres this new exhibit in the aquarium and theres this huge red fish in it and i wanted to send it to you and be like 'this you' but were fighting and I HATE FIGHTING WITH YOU. can we stop fighting? :< i miss you. will you please come home? curb misses you, i miss you, i--"
*jersey vc* STANLEY MARSH!
*stan doing the wide flustered doe eye thing with the lip ring lip bite combo that makes kyle like actually criminally insane with love feels*
speaking of...
he leeeeeeeeeeeeeeans in...
gently grasps ravenstan's face
KISSES THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SHIT OUT OF HIM.
and says
and i quote...
"Te amo." <3
AAAAAAAAAA AND THE CROWD GOES WIIIIIIILD :')
-uncle nina, gratuitous undivorcer of ravesey style
#i'll edit the tags in a second#but is everyone happy#theyre in love again#i promise#*impastor craig vc* by the power vested in me i now pronounce my beautiful gay sons that i tortured for half a year#Undivorced ;-; <3#I CAAAAAAAAAANT BELIEVE IT#no one get used to it im still gonna have them do miserable break up things and create drama dont worry about THAT#BUT I CANT BELIEVE JERSEY KYLE SAID I LOVE YOU#I AM SO PROUD WOW THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL#now i can write the jersey kyle Can say i love u meme#( which is my favorite ask meme its so funny ily robot kyle )#he is like...i have so many feelings...i am excited? frightened? ex...frightened?#I CANT BELIEVE JERSEY KYLE SAID TEEEE AMO#SMILE PENDEJO NATION WE ARE SOOOOO BACK!#is anyone else crying or is it just me is it just jersey and raven and me and curb and the entire internet#UR WELCOME! YOU ARE ALL NO LONGER CHILDREN OF DIVORCE! TIME TO REJOOOOOOOOOOOICE YALL#*passes out The I Survived The 2024 Ravesey Divorce And All I Got Was This Stupid Teeshirt stupid teeshirts*#my sons in love my sons in AMOR bitch!!!!!!#that rizz was crazy also this was too happy so pls note they quite licherally almost smashed but kyles bones are broken#NOT THE ONE THAT MATTERS THO but he did still get stanbanned by sexy nurse raven lamE#*teri vc* at least he'd die doing what he loves...LITERALLY!!!#i admire his dedication like i too would risk it all to get risque and frisque with ravenstan but no they just#watched say yes to the dress and fell asleep on the couch#The End <3#everybody chant NINA!!! NINA!!!! NINAAAAAAA!!!
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opens-up-4-nobody · 5 months
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...
#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying#shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl#in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated#bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not#her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet#so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive#personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd#compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from#happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is#like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil#not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am#barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me#and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them#but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and#thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard#to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds#nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of#brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but#that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer#defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it#i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else#excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things#unrelated#ed mention#i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama#bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]
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rohirric-hunter · 8 days
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Since the barley bread recipe used in that one quest is a Bree-land rep item, I feel like it's probably a cultural staple there, which could be really funny if I end up having Leonys or Hathellang do that quest. I think they would be very outraged at how much everyone hates their bread.
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exausta-verytired · 13 days
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this is far from the worse one it's the example I give for not being explicit but like I fully internalized the word "nymphet" when I was young I thought that was a real thing and a normal way of refering to myself because I could tell there was something different between me and the normal happy kids but I didn't know how to say "adultification, religious racism and anticomunism made men objectify me and the fact I was already 'broken' made them comfortable enough with just being another rapist instead of the first one" so I just used that instead
#which was the LEAST offensive narrative about me the sex demon brought as divine punishment for my family was hmmm a choice from neighbours#just... can we think a little about what the word grooming implies#I had it good it wasn't incest#'had it good' might be dramatic I just mean breaking narratives that justify abuse it's even harder when it comes from the household#I've worked with many girls who explained me what they thought of as 'father-daughter caress'#but don't worry I don't rank trauma me and my ex has that weird competitions of 'you had the more fucked up childhood' it did wonders for m#so whenever I say 'at least it wasn't incest' i can hear his delulu voice right next to me saying 'oh yeah? having only one rapist is#objectively better than multiple. I'm a man you're a woman. checkmate!' okay babyboy that works so well about your bio father you live with#weird insane teenage rage would never allow anyone else to talk about me like he does but it was good for us#because the real joke is you can invalidate any victim about how it was 'not that bad' if you talk long enough which people do#but I'm going on too many tangents today#but if there's too things I've learnt is that you can be traumatised by sex you technically 'consented' to#but also every rape victim feels guilty about 'participating' too much especially when it's a repeated abuser#and we blame ourselves for stuff we recognise as manipulation/threats/coercion easily when it's someone else#my will to delete this one versus the fact every time I mention our worse fight me going 'oh yeah cuz an 8 year old would win an argument#against his only parent that is threatening the other kids' versus him 'oh but you should win at 10 against the man who threatened to arrest#your father' and me screaming 'DIFFERENT' but having my brain rewritten... has had people telling me 'thats helpful' more than once ugh#also i fucking hate the way rapists talk to children I cant count on a single hand how many cases of 'entertain me or I cant promise I wont#do anything to the younger ones' I have PERSONALLY witnessed.#.txt
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bonesrbleaching · 2 months
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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
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todayisafridaynight · 9 months
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Bro last night was so much......... I'm still reeling...... What even.... They gave us so much. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready. I didn't KNOW.
Hear me out... Poundmates Jo........ Not a party member but maybe helpful. Him looking soft has me so fucked up. Why is Akane alive. Why is she alive bro. Why does Jo know she alive. Why would he- FUCK dude I'm trying to work but all I can think about is 8
i hope we get poundmates jo and we have to do it pokemon style where we have to beat his ass and then catch him <- delusional
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indythefandomhoarder · 2 months
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WHY DO I ALWAYS GET YOOSUNG WHEN I DONT FOLLOW A WALKTHROUGH 😭
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mcpicklebreath · 10 months
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questions I have about astarion romance storyline, I have lots of thoughts about him and want help from people who have played already, uh spoilers for his early romance plot below
does anyone know if you have to have sex with astarion for his romance scenes to lead up to you both working together to figure out what you both really want?
haven't gotten to play yet, and while he's undeniability charming (like he's trying to be) I'd like to refuse him without it shutting off the romance if that's an option? I'd still want to pick flirty options when I think they'd be fun but the character I have in mind would see through the more performative bits and wouldn't really be interested in sex with someone they think is lying to them, it would fit the character more if they refused.
I'm okay with mild spoilers if it relates to his story.
I feel like the answer will be no, and given the story stuff with him I've seen I could understand why, but this game has a lot of branching options so thought I might as well ask!
and if it is possible and because of everything astarion is dealing with we don't end up fucking ever that's totally okay with me
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nerdie-faerie · 1 year
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Was tryna say goodbye to my siblings before going back to uni but I couldn't find my littlest brother - who has a tendency to put himself in weird places then fall asleep - turns out this time he'd folded himself into the futon and fallen asleep
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marinehero-a · 2 years
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     once again thinking ab au’s where garp actually acted during ace’s execution </3
#{ ooc }  ✗ 「 WENP reporter 」#[ just#[ shakes fist#[ do i think it should have happened   emotionally yes realistically no#[ i absolutely adore garps character and how marineford rly reflected his conflicts (coughs at this entire blog---)#[ but just. what ifs.... what /ifs/ for real#[ in helping to save ace he loses Everything   and he Takes so much#[ just   already talked ab everything b4 from consequences as the marine hero to betraying his closest friend sengoku etc etc#[ but just. thinks ab it still#[ when you throw away your entire life legacy relationships and more for your grandsons#[ and you cant bring yourself to regret saving them because you do love them but how do you cope with the fact you uprooted#[ and stabbed in the back Everything and everyone you've stood for and also loved#[ by simply avoiding it ofc but also shakes peepaw#[ there is no world where garp doesn't lose and i think thats neat of his character <3 its ab the tragedy in a bastard clownshaped old man#[ and just#[ always thinking ab how he wanted for ace n luffy to be strong marines so that they would be safe despite their blood#[ even when he Knew that it would've suffocated them and they wouldn't have been able to thrive but at least they'd be safe#[ at least he could protect them#[ he doesnt Know or Understand how to be a good guardian so he does things his way and he is So bastard for it!! he tries but its not enough#[ and instead of trying something else he tries harder and he rly needs to be shaken like a rat but he cant tell anyone ab it so he wont#[ simply!#[ thinks ab him a normal amount real
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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months
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...
#ugh. the fucking struggle of a thing i will not talk about. its just an off shoot of one of my many#obessive compulsive tendencies. it just makes me think of my dad. like hes also a fucking anxious person but hes like. i have the thoughts#but then i dont let them control me so its not an issue. and he knos i get caught up on the structure and identification of problems so#hes always like. its only an issue if its like ruining ur life. and hes right and i definitely meet the standards of both of those things#bc im fucking thinking abt these things constantly. its in my head literally all the time. every second of the day#and i mean i guess this specific thing isnt ruining my life but it certainly isnt helpful and in combo with everything else my quality of#life is not what it could b. idk it just feels all empty which is y i became a fucking workaholic#bc i just get so fucking bored stuck in these stupid patterns that at least i can make myseld useful as i drive myself nuts#it also doesnt help that im still trying to unfuck my leg and not being very successful bc theres this fucking voice in my head like#keep moving. u cant sit down. walk around. dont stop. dont stop. dont stop. i can feel the muscles getting irritated again#its unbearable bc it doesn't really even hurt. i just kno im fucking it up for myself and i have all this excess energy that i cant get rid#of bc i cant run. anyway its just irritating#i probably triggered myself by watching the bear all day lol. its so good but it reminds me of working in a shitty banquet hall when my#brain was on fire. and theyve got that toxic workahoism that i so desperately cling to. and in a weird way i can relate tho their fucked#up mom when everyones just trying to help but shes so fixated on this thing that's clearly causing her distress but shes just screaming at#them. like i mean i have insight into my issues and i try not to let them affect anyone but me but its so hard when its like. i have to do#this thing. i have to do it. i kno its bad. i kno its fucked up but shut the fuck up and let me do this. u dont fucking understand#but i wouldn't say that bc i kno its irrational. ugh. i also have to go to a lab dinner tomorrow. maybe#no time has been listed so idk. its for my leaving so im technically the focus. hate that for me. whatever. itll b fine#at least the place is within walking distance and its like less than 3 weeks until i leave#unrelated
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raredrop · 1 year
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Sexyman polls looking the same so far.....i kinda want to see a different final pair but might not happen unless a plot twisr happens
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starswallowingsea · 2 years
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the fact i got infected with shu/madara brainrot over a joke i made to a friend on discord and now im being forced to make my own content
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cutemeat · 2 years
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i rlly truly feel like Dennis’ “bondage facility” 100% had a safeword (hint: its “spiderman”) but Dee was just deflecting with her whole ‘no no u dont get it… the fact that his prisoner cannot escape is Really what’s getting him off’ cuz thats how SHE is but she is in denial n cant admit she has those predatory behaviors lololol
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