#at least this time I'm not pretending I'm not in a spiral for years chasing my own tail insisting my tail isn't real but a squirrel

[some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat]

Extremely incoherent tired ramble I think mostly about what the heck does empathy mean and I can't have npd right (<- doesn't remember if he actually confirmed you can't be high empathy and have npd or just got confused by something but still probably just being mentally ill in unrelated ways)

why do narcissist memes need to be so relatable like I'm high empathy unless I've gravely misunderstood what empathy is? I think that's gotta be one I don't have right ?? my brain is just still disorder hoarder mode because it still hasn't realized we already got the validation of knowing we're genuinely messed up that we were craving years ago (which was mainly "yes you're plural actually no like legit you're not making those guys up and yeah no that stuff was trauma you are not just mysteriously messed up without trauma there was definitely trauma what part of being terrified every single night for most of your childhood did you think was not traumatic") what was I talking about uh empathy is like just interpreting information to the best of your ability and then feeling things based on that interpretation like it can be incorrect just like you can read words wrong and react to what you think you read and like empathy makes you feel what you interpret other people as feeling to some extent right? and it's like analogies and metaphors in how it requires you to map one situation onto another in order to interpret it and lacking knowledge about one of them will make it much harder to understand just like I don't understand what it means to not understand metaphors to the point of struggling to communicate without the use of analogies in case that wasn't obvious but that's what empathy is right like it's not telepathy it's just interpreting and reacting to information?? I have that I can interpret information and then I react like just now I thought what if a child was sad for some reason and I almost cried bc hypothetical child is sad and that's incompatible with the thing isn't it someone who's better at humans than me please explain good night

[squadxx4392]

"Hold Me." Huskerdust fic - 1218 Words

Honestly, when Charlie announced a guest-wide karaoke night, Husk should've known at least part of what was going to happen.

The two had been dating for over a month, now, talking a long time before then.

But when Husk realized Angel was up and getting ready for a song, he couldn't help but be enthralled.

Sure, he'd heard Angel sing, but it was never really a romantic song.

The intro was a few seconds long, but Angel eventually started singing quietly.

"Finally, a new side of me.." Angel started, eyes closed, concentrating on the song he was singing.

If Husk wasn't already drawn in by Angel getting up in front of a few of the guests sitting around in support, he was most certainly enthralled now.

"Turned a new leaf underneath my tree."

Oh.

Angel's voice sounded like honey.

It was breathtaking.

"I now see life's a beautiful dream. Gives me strength, gives me all in a year. Of disease. I have thrived," he continued. "Lucky me."

A realization hit Husk. He'd known Angel was working on something, scribbling mindlessly on papers while they were lounging around in Angel's room after closing.

He remembered catching glimpses of words closer to the beginning before Angel turned the paper away from him, grinning and saying he'd have to wait to see what it was.

And now he knew what Angel had been working on.

And it was so worth the wait.

"Push me, pull me, write my story. Give me my rhythm, my rhyme."

Charlie and Vaggie were sitting at the bar with Husk, Charlie watching like a giddy school-girl and Vaggie was watching him in (poorly) hidden amazement.

"I break my cycles, endless spirals. I just wanna trust what is mine," Angel sang, opening his eyes and glancing at Husk, catching his eye and smiling.

To Husk, Angel looked like an artist excited to share their first song with an audience, the song being so worth the wait and ensuring the guests were drawn in as if he was a siren.

"If the sun's in the sky. If the day follows the night. If the clock's still keeping the time. Then you're on my mind," Angel sang, closing his eyes again.

Husk felt his breath hitch and his heart skip a beat.

Angel was made to be performing, but not in the way he had been.

This. This is what Angel should have done from the beginning.

Husk could feel his expression softening as he leaned against the bar, arms crossed.

Everyone in the hotel was listening with rapt attention, and where there would have normally been scattered claps and whistles for other participants, everyone was silent.

Even Nifty had taken from chasing a roach with her needle to dropping it all and sitting at the foot of the sofa in the parlor with the other residents.

"The silence that we share. My heart was ill prepared. I oversimplified," Angel continued, opening his eyes again and scanning around at everyone. "When it was do or die."

Angel looked at Husk again, singing as he looked deep into his eyes.

"Kiss me, hold me, that feeling is holy. Nobody's loved me like you." Angel extended an arm out at him and Husk blew him a soft kiss, Angel pretending to catch it and hold it close to his chest. "Ah, life moves too fast, to get stuck in the past. But I do, I do."

Angel's voice was powerful. Yet it was so soft.

Husk didn't know how he'd been living without the soft singing Angel was doing at the moment. He'd love to be able to listen to this for eternity.

Although, that wouldn't be enough time, either.

"I think I take more than I give. Kinda shit but it’s how I live," he sang, the speed getting faster than the slow pace it started with.

Husk felt a pang of sadness run through his chest.

Knowing what he did about Angel, it hurt that Angel thought of himself like that.

"Be stuck 'til my conscience has outgrown me. I'm dumb enough to do the math. 'Cause life comes, life will pass."

If it weren't for Alastor and Lucifer coming back bickering, Husk would have been put in a trance.

But the looks they started receiving from Charlie because of their noise made them stop and pay attention to what was happening.

They quietly found a place to sit down and Husk glared at them before turning his attention back to Angel.

He couldn't help but think of how Angel was a perfect name for the man in front of him.

"So I try not to get attached. Don't know what story I'm supposed to buy, if we see God's face when we look in our eyes." The entire hotel seemed to be still, not a soul in there barely breathing.

"If your life will start in the moment you die, or if it's all worth the tears we cry," Angel continued. He'd closed his eyes again, and he looked like the most beautiful person to grace anywhere in Husk's eyes.

Husk was smiling softly, and he could tell his pupils were probably extremely dilated.

"Still live life like I'm on a mission, every damn day is all about ambition," he sang, face still smiling as he sang but his face visibly sadder, or at least that Husk noticed.

"Scared I'll turn out to be just a normal guy. Wonder why I'm only grateful when I'm high." Husk knew what he meant. Used to, Angel would be high any moment you'd see him, except for when he slept in the early hours of the morning.

They were still finding his old stashes anywhere they looked, but Angel was always surprised when he'd be confronted.

He'd been sober for a long time now, so apparently he'd forgotten all about his older stashes of drugs he'd been taking.

"You make a choice and don't look back. What's strong enough will stay intact. There's more to life than what is fact," he sang, seeming a little less sad, a lot more vibrant than he had been for a bit.

"The things we love can never last, it hurts too much, that's why I laugh, like sand slips through an hourglass."

"I'll hold onto the life I craft, so one day I can give it back," he sang, ending the song as the outro to it played and he stepped away from the microphone as he flashed a smile to the guests.

An uproar of cheer came from the audience as Angel stepped down for the next person to go, and he sat down at the bar across from where Husk was standing.

"So, you enjoy the song?" Angel asked, gratefully accepting the drink Husk made for him without asking.

"It was great, Angel," Husk said, taking a sip from his bottle.

Angel smiles, leaning on his hand.

"Wanna leave? Go lounge around up in one of our rooms for the rest of the night? I've got work, so I can't really stay up much longer," Angel asked, downing the rest of his drink and standing up.

"Yeah, let me close up and I'll be right up," Husk said, smiling as Angel got up and let Charlie know he was going to bed.

[ssamou]

╭ ಣ 🌸

whenever you realize.

i'll be the one to make a comment about everything happening lately since it is mostly centered around me and the fact you're meant to be my member. i don't feel comfortable doing this without explaining why it was done, it just wouldn't sit right with me.

so, this is going to be rather long if you (or anyone else) cares to read it.

originally you made yunjin for me so i could finally have a member after two years of having this blog. i thought yunjin would fit you, i really did. you didn't want anyone to know it was you.. and despite me being best friends with most of the people you lied to, i chose to keep your privacy and not say anything. i did this because i was in a similar situation where i didn't want anyone to know who i was, simply so i could start over after a lot of negative things happened to me. or.. at least i thought that was your reasoning at the time.

at first it was fine. i was excited to have chaewon's canonically best friend. but then, you started tying yourself up in a web of lies for a reason i couldn't understand. the more i was around in different servers, the more i saw you talking to yourself or about yourself as nearly three different people. you kept lying to the friends i cared a lot about on how all three of those people were different. when i came and approached you about this, you then even lied to me about how the third person was your friend and not you. i knew this was a lie instantly because it's very obvious in the way you type and your tone, who you are and aren't.

given the situation i decided to come clean to jeongguk and namjoon. we have a chat of just us three since we have been through a lot together in the past few years. i didn't feel right.. like i was lying to them and everyone else because of what you were doing. i broke my promise to you. i told them who you were. that you were both dani, jennie, and yunjin. in fact, i didn't even have to finish what i was saying. both of them already were guessing that all three of those people were the same person. i apologized to them for not telling them from the beginning, then i explained why i didn't and why i chose to now. obviously, they weren't the happiest of people since you've managed to manipulate them and others to talk to you about yourself but as another person. you don't do that. that's fucking weird and wrong.

over time, it started to become more and more obvious what you were doing. i stopped talking/interacting with you because it felt strange to me. it didn't take long for everyone else to start to put the pieces together when it came to you. we were all honest about who you were and then things started to spiral from there.

i don't understand why you felt the need to pretend to be different people entirely. especially when wanted to love you as you and give you the opportunity to fix your friendships/relationships with other people. instead you decided to use these different faces to find out how others feel about you without them knowing. you decided to lie about who's who like we didn't already have it figured out. that's something i'm still struggling to this day to understand what caused you to do that. it sucks even more because i let you continue to do that while knowing it was happening and not telling anyone.

but then it gets worse. you've turned yunjin, an idol, into another blog that chases after ships and smuts which made me uncomfortable. it's so strange to see an idol flirt/fuck someone twice her age all over the dash, then proceed to flirt with an anon, and then interact with a minor. i think everyone agreed that was a little strange. resulting in most of us blocking the man and a lot of your tags so we wouldn't see that stuff on the dash without being rude to you. because, yes, even though everyone's upset with your actions, we STILL decided to give you the chance and respect your decisions.

why? i have no fucking clue because, again, you continue to make the situation worse.

you decided to go on about yourself and interact with bts blogs—and this surprises me because i feel like you've been around here long enough to understand how our blogs work. when it comes to bts, lsf, and txt, there's a mutual agreement to not interact with members outside of those few. we do that for a whole lot of different reasons. maybe you didn't know, sure, though i'm not sure how. or maybe you didn't think you were part of that.. and to that i say.. you made yunjin specifically for me. or maybe you simply didn't care.

then you decided to interact with someone that a lot of us have severe problems with. that's when it started to draw the line between uncomfortable and fuck off. it showed your lack of respect for us and how little you truly care. someone said you didn't have a loyal bone in your body and i actually agree with them.

sure, some might say well i can interact with whoever i want! that's all fine and dandy, i'll accept that; but when it comes to someone that has caused severe issues for the friend group you specifically chose to make yourself part of, that's an issue. especially when you know of this person because i know i've said things to you about it, and i know joon probably has too. it's common respect for the friends you chose, which you revealed to us doesn't matter to you.

so why should we bother to continue to care about you?

i know people are probably expecting me to make a bitchy post, but it's hard to when i thought you were my friend. i truly truly thought you were my friend. hell i even defended you against my own fucking brother multiple times because i thought you were my friend. i snapped on hobi a lot, too, for your defense. i don't know why i did that anymore, i wish i didn't. but i did because i thought you were my friend.

but instead i allowed you to put me in negative positions for your own benefit. you didn't care about making chaewon's best friend, you didn't care about any of the things i've told you about. hell, you made that blog to fulfill your weird constant smut desires. and you will continue to put that as your priority over everything else.

i hope one day you realize the friendships you've lost today.. or maybe you'll never care, who knows. i just wish that, perhaps, you will eventually learn everything you continue to do wrong, and that not everyone will give you as many chances as we constantly did before giving up.

i hope one day you grow up and understand that there's more to life than written fictional sex/relationships.. then continue to realize that all your failed relationships and friendships is because of your obsession. your obsession for self centered attention, drama, and fake porn.

so here's to the near past year of me wasting my life defending you, taking care of you, protecting you, and keeping secrets i never should have.

all because i thought you were my friend. how stupid can i be?

[voldkat]

im like 10 days late but . CHARACTER ASK !! NO SIGNIFICANT HARASSMENT !!! HOO BOY

MY FIRST IMPRESSION :

my first impression of him was like a whole year ago through rain world memes because i was just getting to know the fandom UHEFJSFH i knew him as the sillyfunny guy who keeps fucking with everyone in his friend group and i thought he was cool for that

MY IMPRESSION NOW :

he is Still the sillyfunny guy to me and he is Still cool for that but now i know his character more deeply and . man . this guy . there is so much wrong with him and i want to throw him into a meat grinder

FAVORITE THING :

i've already said this once but i really like the sheer variation and creativity in the fandom's sig designs . but if we mean my favorite thing about him specifically , it might just be his kindness and unwavering loyalty to moon

LEAST FAVORITE THING :

i'm going to Try remain relatively hinged for this one and say . his slow spiral into dysfunctional obsession . like that is Good fucking character writing right there but . ??? the way you can FEEL how his mental health degrades from the fucking broadcasts physically hurts me . he is trying so hard to pretend things are fine but he is failing and failing and everything keeps going wrong and getting worse and oh i am becoming unhinged . onto the next question

FAVORITE LINE / SCENE :

might be this pearl dialogue LMAO moon will go get them !! long live the inquisition !!!!

FAVORITE INTERACTION WITH ANOTHER CHARACTER :

not a specific interaction per se but i love his silly little banter with seven red suns !!! this might just be the gay in me speaking UHWJASDA but yeah . the friendly teasing , the warmth and friendship , the way their conversations can switch topics the second someone brings something else up . autism to autism communication . i love them

A CHARACTER I WISH THEY'D INTERACT WITH MORE :

five pebbles . and chasing wind . i need need need to know more about their dynamics please . and for chasing wind i just think they'd be buddies yk ?? they feel like friends to me ( love how a good chunk of sig's friends are Not beating the sliverist allegations /silly )

A CHARACTER FROM ANOTER FANDOM THAT REMINDS ME OF THEM :

siffrin from in stars and time . yeah . isaters will know why . they're both silly and humorous and secretly mentally ill . siffrin's desperation to stay with his family mirrors sig's desperation to save moon . overall funky fellas who are fucked up in the head

A RANDOM HEADCANON :

i've already told you specifically but this guy definitely works on the collatz conjecture in his spare time just for funsies . haha numbers go brr . oh and by extension he has math autism

A SONG THAT REMINDS ME OF THEM :

this . it has no lyrics it's just a funky little edm song but oh the vibe the vibe ... this is sig music to me

AN UNPOPULAR OPINION :

i don't think any of my opinions on sig are unpopular really UEFSDJF i hate him and i want to throw him into the void sea but like in the same way people affectionately hate on their favs i guess

FAVORITE PICTURE :

there is literally only one picture of him ever you guys already know

[havenoffandoms]

All That I Cannot Have (Eskel/Geralt) (NSFW)

Based on Kashimalin’s 50 Types of Kisses prompt list.

Prompt: "Deep kisses where they have their hands tangled in each other’s hair to pull them closer."

Pairing: Eskel/Geralt

Content Warning: breeding kink (Geralt), bottom Eskel, top Geralt, possessive Geralt, nipple play

Read on AO3.

Most people who meet Eskel for the first time - people like Triss, people like Jaskier, people like Ciri - describe him as serious, quiet, calm and potentially a bit shy, even a little intimidating with the scars running down his face and curling his lip in a permanent snarl. Geralt knows better, though. No matter how well people claim to know Eskel, they’ll never be on par with the century of shared trauma that Eskel and Geralt went through together, first as friends, then as brothers, then as lovers. It’s not like Eskel isn’t serious, or quiet, or calm, and occasionally shy around people he doesn’t know well. He can definitely seem a bit intimidating when he wants to be, but what witcher isn’t? 

All Geralt is saying is that there is so much more to Eskel’s personality, aspects that Eskel either wouldn’t dare show to a stranger in public, or aspects that only Geralt notices after over a century of knowing Eskel intimately. At times Eskel can be quiet and shy, and to use Lambert’s phrasing, as stiff as a bookkeeper in a body cast. He wasn’t always like that, though. A century of walking the Path, of being spat on by contract givers and chased out of villages by having stones thrown at him, a century of people not bothering to hide their disdain, and fear, and disgust for Eskel and his kind, was bound to take a toll on anyone eventually. Even Eskel, who used to be so playful and full of mischief. Even Eskel, who would willingly get himself into trouble to make Geralt laugh. 

Eskel has changed over the century Geralt’s known him - and that was always bound to happen, Geralt presumes - but one thing that never changed was Eskel’s bleeding heart and the inherent goodness inside of him. If anything, his big heart only grew bigger and softer over the years. Geralt admires that about him. Even though the Path has wiped away all of Eskel’s childlike playfulness, there are times when Eskel’s mischief comes back with a force, usually when he finds himself around children. Geralt will never forget the first winter he brought Ciri back to the keep. Once she had warmed up to Eskel’s presence, he would goad her into action every time, giving her ideas for pranks to play on Lambert, Vesemir and Geralt, of all people. 

Turns out that sharing Eskel’s bed every night during winter did not grant Geralt immunity from Eskel’s prankish machinations. If anything, it used to make him Ciri and Eskel’s prime target. 

There are times, when it’s just Geralt and Eskel in their shared bedroom, when Eskel’s playfulness truly comes to shine. Nobody else knows just how adventurous Eskel can be in the bedroom, nor how bratty he can be when he decides to test Geralt’s patience. Not that Geralt wants anyone to ever witness Eskel like this - not like this, completely debauched and reduced to a whimpering mess. That is a sight reserved for Geralt’s eyes exclusively, as he’s made it known multiple times in the past when Eskel would tease him about letting someone walk in on them. 

Nobody gets to see Eskel like this, not if Geralt has a say in this. 

Tonight is not that kind of night, though. Tonight is different, and Eskel somehow subconsciously knows that Geralt craves a different kind of game. Geralt and Eskel have retreated to their bedroom after celebrating Ciri’s coronation as Empress of Nilfgaard. A big day for Geralt’s pup… well, not so much a pup anymore, is she? She’s all grown up now, no longer the fiery little she-devil that the wolf witchers trained, but a grown woman. An empress. Geralt didn’t think Ciri’s coronation would make him feel so damn emotional, but it did, because it means that he’s now officially lost her. She’s officially left the nest, and she has exactly no obligation to visit Geralt now if she doesn’t wish to. 

Tonight, Geralt needs something different from Eskel, a game they’ve dabbled in on past occasions, but one that Geralt and Eskel both had to be in the mood for. He knows it’s weird to want this - not that Eskel would begrudge him this need, not his dear Eskel, who’s never once judged Geralt based on what he enjoys in bed. It’s weird to feel this need as a witcher, of all things. Or perhaps the fact that Geralt and Eskel are witchers is precisely the reason why he craves this kind of activity in bed. 

“Are you sure you want this?” Geralt asks one last time as he drops his forehead to Eskel’s, and lets his hand roam over the flat expanse of Eskel’s abdomen, “say the word, and it stops now.” 

“I want this,” Eskel whispers back, his tone growing impossibly softer as he leans into Geralt’s touch, “I want you, whatever way you’ll have me.”

“Hm. Safeword.” 

It’s a request, not a question. Geralt won’t proceed until he’s certain that Eskel is aware that he has a way out if he needs Geralt to stop. Eskel huffs out a small laugh which falls just short of teasing. It sounds almost fond, in fact. 

“Wolfsbane.”

One of the herbs used in the Trial of Grasses, the smell of which Eskel has come to hate with a passion over the years. Geralt nods, pleased with his lover’s cooperation, trusting Eskel to use his safeword if he feels at all uncomfortable with what’s about to happen. Geralt takes a composing breath and snakes one hand at the back of Eskel’s head, where he buries his long dextrous fingers in the soft brown mane and tugs him closer into a hungry kiss. 

"I love you," Geralt breathes between them, gently biting down on Eskel's lower lip as he breaks their heated kiss, "so much."

Eskel whimpers, his body arching needily at those words. Geralt smirks, knowing just how worked up Eskel gets over hearing the three magic words. Geralt presses a final, chaste kiss to his lover's lips before sinking lower. His hands squeeze the soft layer of fat that covers Eskel's hips and abdomen. If Geralt closes his eyes, he can almost pretend that Eskel's winter blubber is not just the result of the hearty meals and Cintran ale he's been enjoying as of late… 

A possessive growl rumbles deep in Geralt's throat as he nuzzles the dip in Eskel's hip. He splays his fingers so that they cover most of Eskel's belly, pretending that the sound of his lover's accelerated heartbeat belongs to someone else, to something growing inside Eskel's belly… Geralt isn't delusional. He knows that even if witchers weren't infertile, he and Eskel could never have children of their own. Not biologically, at least. Geralt knows that, and he knows that this kink of his is ridiculous. 

And yet, here they are, and Eskel looks so willing to indulge Geralt’s fantasy. Geralt simply can't help it. 

"Geralt?" Eskel's rough baritone is the only thing that keeps Geralt from spiralling. That, and his lover's hand gently cupping his face in a silent demand to look at him. Geralt complies easily, seeking reassurance in the familiar amber orbs. "I can hear you being mean to yourself in your head. Stop that."

"You don't think I'm…" Geralt swallows thickly as he musters the courage to finish his sentence. "Weird?" 

A fond smile, one that falls just short of sad, graces Eskel's lips. He shakes his head and cards his fingers tenderly through Geralt's hair. 

"I'm glad you feel comfortable enough around me to show this side of you," Eskel assures him, "but if it doesn't feel right, we can stop. This should feel good for you, not make you feel ashamed."

Geralt knows that his lover wouldn't lie to him about this, nor would Eskel pretend to be fine just for the sake of getting Geralt off. That has never been how their relationship worked. Contrary to Eskel’s reputation as being a people-pleaser, even Eskel has his limits. It's all the reassurance Geralt needs before he fully surrenders to this unusual urge of his. 

"Don't wanna stop," Geralt grates, his voice rough with desire, "gonna fill you up with my pups before the night is over." 

Eskel’s reaction is instantaneous. The high-pitched keen that tumbles past his lip goes straight to Geralt’s cock, which gives a twitch of interest in response. Geralt’s fingers glide reverently over Eskel’s abdomen, followed closely by his lips as Geralt scatters feather-light kisses over the twitching skin. Eskel arches into the touch, whispering a string of curses under his breath as he does so. Geralt lets himself drift further and further into that corner of his mind reserved for nights like this one, into that corner that longs to breed Eskel and see him grow large with Geralt’s pups. 

Geralt’s lips travel back up of their own accord until his mouth latches onto one of Eskel’s nipples, pulling a startled gasp from his lover. Geralt presses the flat of his tongue against the areola and gives the sensitive bud a tentative suck. If Geralt concentrates hard enough, he can imagine how Eskel’s milk would taste, sweet and warm and filling. Eskel nearly bucks him off then, but Geralt’s steadying hands on his lover’s hips brings Eskel’s twitching under control. Once his lover has relaxed into the mattress and gotten used to Geralt’s suction, Geralt brings one hand up to cup Eskel’s other pec, squeezing the meat of it between his calloused fingertips. Eskel’s tits - so firm, but layered with a softness that Geralt adores - look so inviting that Geralt cannot resist temptation much longer. He switches sides, barely giving Eskel a moment’s respite before latching onto the other nipple and resuming his gentle ministrations. 

“Ger’lt… gonna-” 

That is all the warning Geralt gets before he feels Eskel’s cock twitch and spill hotly between his and Geralt’s body. The thought that Geralt made Eskel come just by focusing on his nipples has no business making Geralt’s cock twitch in the way it does. He pulls away from Eskel’s sensitive nipple with a wet ‘pop’, flicking his tongue at it one last time. Eskel looks dazed, maybe a little bit shocked at himself even, but Geralt is quick to wipe the insecurity he sees reflected in his lover’s eyes with a hungry kiss. 

“Fuckin’ love your tits, Kel,” Geralt growls between two heated kisses, “love how soft they feel under my hands, love how sensitive they are… they look so full already. They’ll get fuller once you’re heavy with my pups.”

Eskel makes a choked noise at that. He throws his head back against the pillow and lets out a needy little mewl, Geralt’s name falling from his lips like a prayer or a plea. Geralt smiles wolfishly at the sight. 

“Would you like that, sweetheart? Would you like for your tits to fill with milk until they’re nice and heavy for me? Bet you’d be leaking so easily, too. That’s okay, though,” Geralt leans in to capture Eskel’s lips in another sloppy kiss, “because when that happens, I’ll lap it all up and relieve you of the pressure. Wouldn’t you like that?”

“Fuck, Geralt!”

While Geralt is now firmly in the right mindset, he knows that Eskel won’t engage with him as much when they’re playing this game. Eskel is enjoying himself, that much is clear, but he doesn’t feel the same need to breed - or, in his case, be bred - as Geralt. Eskel’s pleasure comes from having Geralt’s attention focused solely on him, and having Geralt whisper soft praises about Eskel’s body. That’s fine, Geralt thinks to himself as he reaches for the slick he stored away in the bedside table, so long as Eskel is getting something out of this too, even if they’re both getting different things out of this game. 

Geralt gets to project his fantasies onto his lover, while Eskel gets to be worshipped by Geralt. A win-win situation if Geralt’s ever seen one. 

“You still good?” Geralt rasps just as he pops the cork of the vial open with his thumb. Eskel nods jerkily in response, his chest heaving with the force of his panting. 

“All good. Need you, Wolf, please!” 

And how can Geralt deny his lover this when Eskel begs him so sweetly? The night is just beginning. 

[cattles-bians]

exes au part 11

post directory

obsetress: i'm about to fully fall asleep but i have been thinking about exes au danvi and like the isabel of it all and dani dating a single mom and how just like

obsetress: vi is so protective of isabel and as much as she loves dani like

obsetress: she took SO LONG before introducing her and then like

obsetress: when they broke up dani left and dani wasnt in isabels life anymore and dani was so good for isabel and viola just feels so fuckin shitty and blames herself and

obsetress: but i'm also thinkin bout soft fluffy stuff too like how much dani loves isabel and how much vi loves watching isabel w dani and

em: hey hannah what the fuck

obsetress: isabel has a nightmare one night and goes to her mom's room and dani's there too and she just curls up between them

em: do you think when they finally reconnected dani was like hey um. does isabel remember me. would it be weird if

obsetress: FUCK

obsetress: this absolutely happens

em: viola is VERY apprehensive at first

obsetress: god yeah esp after getting so hurt by it but

obsetress: viola sure cannot say no to dani!

em: i love some dani with kids tho

em: maybe too soft but do u think for at least a couple years dani would like. send isabel a bday card

em: like dead air otherwise

em: hmm idk i am chewing that one over more

obsetress: god it's hard i think dani wants to but she doesn't

obsetress: i could see dani writing them and holding onto them

em: oh that’s even worse

obsetress: even tho she really doesnt think she'll ever talk to vi again

em: what a soft and depressing thought. thank u. i resent u.

obsetress: yeah it hurts!

obsetress: but then she does! and she gives them all to isabel when she's older maybe

em: hold on i’m gonna bawl

em: sometimes my parents will be like um. do u remember this person and i’m like uh i don’t remember people i worked w two years ago let alone

em: but i think isabel does

em: i will be thinking about this all afternoon bestie have a wonderful slumber

[em note: em yells in hannahs DMs while she's asleep dot png]

em: no um. mate im still furious about the isabel of it all wtf

em: thinking about um. like ok i dont wanna use isabel as a prop but this is certainly one of those times where

em: violas been hurt before and viola's hurt other people before because she's deeply troubled and i feel like that would be one of the first times she sorta. sure she licks her wounds and feels miserable for herself but its also like uh

em: really sobering to realise This Hurts Isabel Too

em: because yknow violas very gatekeep gaslight girlboss i think shes got a strong enough sense of self that nothing really shakes that. maybe even to a deluded degree. i dont think she goes to therapy because shes like wow im fucked up i gotta get help, she's more like

em: shes really driven by her love for isabel!! gestures WILDLY

em: realised this is an au where parents get therapy and dont pass their traumas onto their kids and i want OFF this WILD RIDE im so tired of discovering things about myself through the realm of fiction

obsetress: yeah same i kept thinking about it too alfkadlsfkjdasf

obsetress: i want to reply to every single line of the isabel thing but i'm not gonna do that so let me just say: YEAH

obsetress: like isabel is her cornerstone full stop everything comes down to isabel

em: dani's probably so nervous reconnecting w isabel again. absolutely spinning her lil wheels

em: they set up a lil date and time and dani's doing her gay nervous babble abt if isabel even remembers her or god forbid resents her n jamies like...

em: im pursing my lips as i draw a line on the whiteboard between jamie's whole childhood and isabels and shaking my head Goddamn It

em: jamie lets dani babble it out n pauses and reflects on what she's saying n then jamie's like. the fact ur nervous means u care. n kids are v good at picking up when ppl care. you'll be alright.

obsetress: god yeah this bit i can just. hear it

obsetress: it's so visceral

---

em: viola

obsetress: god my favorite taurus hedonist

[em note: hannah yells in em's DMs while em is asleep dot png]

obsetress: god fuck what was i thinking about isabel this morning like

obsetress: that's what i get for daydreamin between snoozes and not writing it down alas

obsetress: but just like how excited isabel is to see dani again when she does and also like, isabel and rebecca

obsetress: then i started thinking about

obsetress: rebecca and vi getting married and vi's always like i'm not gonna get married again it's bullshit and rebecca's like it's not for me but then they just

obsetress: like they live together and they share everything and rebecca looks out for isabel just as much and they get to a point and it's like

obsetress: oh. oh

obsetress: like they're both like it's the logical thing to do. it's logical and it's safe and we should have this extra layer of protection but also it's like

obsetress: they find themselves more and more excited a lil you know? and just thinking about how isabel's there and how excited isabel is and

obsetress: but god yeah what i was thinking about this morning like. one day vi has to tell isabel dani's not gonna be coming around anymore and like

obsetress: isabel doesn't really understand and she's so sad and then vi feels even shittier

obsetress: and she's like "we'll be okay. it's you and me, remember? moving mountains"

obsetress: "you me us, right?"

obsetress: the first time rebecca meets her she brings her a book as a gift and is like "this was one of my favorites" and

obsetress: OH I REMEMBERED

obsetress: so like when dani sees isabel again finally (and yknow as nervous as dani was vi was even more on edge because it's so inconsistent and is she gonna understand yknow? and the two of them just spiral––which is also another thing about the two of them in a relationship! i think they push each other down spirals)

obsetress: jamie's there too and dani's like "this is... this is, uh, jamie" and it's like you said jamie isabel parallels and so jamie's like a lil tender

obsetress: spoiler: isabel and jamie end up bonding the most

obsetress: jamie's like running around with isabel on her shoulders and then showing her all these plants and taking her to gardens and

obsetress: another tentative jamie vi alliance

em: isabel mikey hangout When

obsetress: isabel mikey hangout!

obsetress: they're hanging with isabel and she and jamie have a very spirited discussion where isabel's like "i wanna be a princess" and dani's like "why not a knight?" and jamie's like "why not opt out of the feudalistic hierarchy entirely and ditch the kingdom for the high seas?" and convinces isabel to go full pirate

obsetress: and then isabel kinda passes out with her head in jamie's lap and jamie's just kinda idly playing with her hair (vi is already like "am i... attracted to jamie in this moment?")

obsetress: and jamie's like "y'know, i should bring mikey round next time isabel's here" and viola's like "......who?" and jamie's like "my little brother? mikey?" and viola's like "right.... right"

obsetress: cut to later, when dani and jamie have retired to vi and becca's guest room: "since when does jamie have a little brother?" "she always has, babe"

em: kinda obsessed w like. violas love for isabel means her wires get crossed when the surly gardener is Good With Kids

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: mikey and isabel immediately hit it off i think

obsetress: a bit of an odd couple because i think isabel is definitely, like, her mother's daughter and mikey is............. mikey

obsetress: but i think they meet in the middle and help each other grow and play pirates together

em: viola is like. of course mikey and isabel will get along. isabel is wonderful. but jamie is quietly Sweating about the whole thing

em: so damvibecca are having their afternoon tea and their little cakes and jamie is Quietly sweating and she’s like ‘quiet is good, right? like they’re not tryna k-‘ and then there’s the sound of two 8 year olds (idk how old they are tbh) YELLING as they chase each other down the hall w wrapping paper tubes

obsetress: nervous babbling dani x quietly sweating jamie, an otp

em: isabel has gotten into the make up n given them both black eyes n scars and moustaches n everyone’s like oh no how’s viola gonna feel about this but viola is DELIGHTED

obsetress: dani's like "chill you all she's gonna––" and then viola is getting up and asking them to do her face too

em: made a parrot outta a sock and newspaper

obsetress: viola playing pirates w isabel and mikey

em: kids w their endless creativity n absolute disregard for personal property is truly a thing of dreams

obsetress: mikey gives her a paper tube and she disarms isabel, takes hers, and offers it very seriously to jamie

em: cuteeee

obsetress: rebecca's giving dani a look and dani is completely unfazed and reaching for another tea cake

em: absolutely unflappable dani clayton

em: dani and rebecca sharing a Look like hey have you ever seen her this gleeful

obsetress: there is something very tasty about jamie taylor having a direct hand in making viola so gleeful

em: takes a village!

obsetress: when viola's two big loves are sitting five feet away from them both

em: everyone changes everyone for the better

em: fucken soft ass chat over here

obsetress: everyone changes everyone for the better

obsetress: soft as hell

em: thesis statement everyone likes each other so much (jamie pretends she doesn’t)

obsetress: (jamie pretends she doesn't) (jamie might like everyone the most)

obsetress: viola registers mikey for isabel's school n pays full tuition

em: oh my god

obsetress: jamie is horrified and refuses to accept it and viola waves a hand and is like "too late, deposit's non-refundable"

em: (they carpool)

obsetress: PLEASE

obsetress: oh god and like

obsetress: flora and miles go there too

obsetress: full circle complete

em: broke: highschool au woke: guardians of primary schoolers au

obsetress: dani jamie in bed jamie's like "you don't...... think it's weird?" "hmm?" "mikey going to.... school with our boss' kids?" "why would that be weird" "i dunno" "he also goes to school with my ex's kid" "he's best friends with your ex's kid" "and that's not weird, is it?" (grumbles) "not anymore" "so why would this be?"

em: jamie’s ribbing mikey for his silly tie and straw hat but she teaches him how to tie a tie and also she keeps crying for some reason???

obsetress: oh fuck

em: mikey: can’t i just get a fake tie >:/

jamie: no because when u have a real tie you can leave it untied a little as an act of rebellion

obsetress: god it's jamie crying for me

em: i love that big baby

obsetress: so much!

em: jamies like idk what’s gotten into me i never cry n danis like. raises one eye brow and mentally checks off all the times jamie has absolutely bawled watching a movie

em: not even a sad movie

em: dani plays along

em: maybe ur getting soft in ur old age jamie

obsetress: jamie i cry three four times a day five if i'm being honest taylor

em: thinking about their weekly weekend lunch w damvibecca and hannah and owen and miles and flora and

obsetress: dfjsldkfjslfslfj

obsetress: god big found family

obsetress: you know viola doesn't like

obsetress: dani and jamie respectfully toe around whatever the fuck owen and hannah have going on but viola just does not suffer it. she's so blunt to them

em: big viola grin and all ‘owen, hannah, i assume you will be each other’s dates?’ (owen chokes on his tiny egg sandwich)

em: hannah grose is serene and unreadable as she dabs a bit off yolk off owens moustache

em: maybe even a bit pleased

obsetress: everyone is always so tense when viola and hannah get together because neither of them take shit yknow

obsetress: and everyone's like "which way is this gonna go"

em: god. peak snarky broads

obsetress: but usually they end up good. two apex predators where one is a lil vicious but the other is so confident in its status that it just chills

em: they have the Best gossip

obsetress: would love to sit in and listen as they drink tea and gossip tbh

em: viola presses owen on hannah and he goes red and viola presses hannah on owen and she does a little wouldnt-you-like-to-know into her tea

em: viola nee willoughby and hannah grose friendship is. truly something i never knew i needed until now

em: they’re both just that lil bit older than the rest of the gang too

obsetress: an important coalition

obsetress: hannah grose! hannah looking out for rebecca and that's the couple times she gets a lil testy w vi

obsetress: mikey and isabel besties but flora and mikey get along really well and isabel and miles do too i think

em: the sheer chaos of a taylor-lloyd-windgrave story time

obsetress: LDKFjKLSDJF HELP

obsetress: taylor lloyd wingrave story time

obsetress: jamie suddenly very invested in story time

obsetress: dani's like "i know this is the first time you've actually cared about story time, babe, so let me give you some pointers"

em: i was just in my head thinking fondly about like. jamie is a drop out and plays a lil dumb sometimes for fun but also prolly reads a lot especially to mikey and now i’m like. wait i’m talking to Ms Floras Two Moms herself

em: idk if i had that headcanon before i read she taught me a lesson alright but yknow what! doesn’t matter it’s a beautiful one

obsetress: thank youuuu i love it a lot

obsetress: jamie big reader is generally one of my fave headcanons tbh i'm glad it seems to be widely accepted. can't even explain why it's just nice

em: sometimes i will talk 2 ppl about my passionate drop out jamie taylor belief n then they’re like but she’s smart (it’s only happened a couple times hahsj) and i’m like these aren’t mutually exclusive!! this is my very biased experience but my friends who do manual labor for a living seem to read so much more than my friends who don’t

em: your brain wants to chew over things while the hands are workin i reckon

obsetress: yes yes yes yes yes

obsetress: i think that's also like (sighs heavily)

obsetress: symptomatic of hegemonic perceptions of the working class

em: i love when u sigh heavily it’s always a fun take

obsetress: i think jamie is v clever and reflective and like if there's one thing i've learned getting older it's

obsetress: smart doesn't matter i think the most insightful most thoughtful people are the most reflective ones

obsetress: like none of it fuckin matters just be a nice person

[tigermike]

From Deke Dickerson:

Here's an interesting factoid. When Roe Vs. Wade was passed in 1973, there was no particular political divide. Republicans didn't care about abortions for ten years, until they found their numbers slipping and they looked at ways to win future elections. They found that among their potential voters, talking about "killing babies" brought out extreme emotional reactions, enough to sway their votes. At that point in the early 1980s, Republicans began caring about abortions. Because they saw they could get votes by pretending to care about it.

And now, the dog has finally caught the car it has been chasing all these years. After decades of planning to take over the Supreme Court, Republicans have finally got what they vowed to do--they have overturned Roe Vs. Wade. Will it stop any abortions or save any babies? No. It will not. Will it hurt and kill any women who have back alley abortions, or health-related issues like fallopian tube pregnancies, etc.? Yes, it will. If I was a woman, who cared about my personal freedom, I would be PISSED with the fury of a thousand suns.

And this court won't stop there. Judge Clarence Thomas wrote in his closing remarks of today's decision: "For that reason, in future cases, we should reconsider all of this Court’s substantive due process precedents, including Griswold, Lawrence, and Obergefell." Do you know what that means? That means they're coming after gay marriage, gay relationships, and freaking BIRTH CONTROL CONTRACEPTIVES! This far-right court wants to reach right into your personal space and down into your pants.

You think I'm kidding? When Trump got elected, many people asked if Roe Vs. Wade might be at risk. Everyone responded "It's settled law. It's been a law for 50 years." During the confirmation hearings for the three clowns that Trump put on the court, Kavanagh, Barrett and Gorsuch all stated that they thought Roe Vs. Wade was settled law. They lied! In the last weeks, this Supreme Court has handed down one terrible ruling after another, from a law that says anyone within 100 miles of the border (this includes 80% of the population of the USA) can have their homes raided at any time for no reason (no, I'm not being hysterical--that's what it says). They ruled that you cannot sue the police if they fail to read you your Miranda rights. They ruled that a 100-year law in New York City keeping people from carrying concealed weapons was unconstitutional. In case you're not following along, this court ruled that states do NOT have the authority to keep people from carrying concealed weapons in crowded cities, but that states DO have the right to stop a woman's right to control her own body. This Supreme Court will go down in history as the worst, most partisan, least honorable, and most politically tainted Supreme Court this country has ever known. And I don't think they've even warmed up their engines yet.

If you have an emotional response trigger that thinks any of these decisions are just and right and wonderful, I want to remind you that these decisions are NOT the law in any of the other A-list countries in the world. They look at us and they think we are plunging into a backwards spiral into the middle ages and extremist religious persecution, like the countries controlled by the Taliban or ISIS (except, again, the Taliban allow abortion!). This hurts our global reputation, our economic position, and all other facets of American business relations. You think the best and brightest inventors, scientists, doctors and thinkers want to move to a country where their daughters can't even control their own body autonomy? No. They'll go to Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Japan, Korea, or any of the countries in Europe, where women have freedom. Today's decision will have long lasting impact, far beyond what you think it does. Today's decision marks this country as a backwards-thinking extremist state.

Well, the dog has caught the car it has been chasing all these decades. I hope that anyone concerned about their own freedom realizes that everything is on the ballot this November. If you don't vote, and the Republicans gain control of Congress again, this will plunge this country into "Handmaid's Tale" and beyond. I hope that the women in this country realize how much that the Republican party hates you. (I've got a pre-existing medical condition, I've known for years that the Republican Party hates ME) It's absolutely insane. I can't believe I've lived long enough to see this day.

[hot-mysticc-mess-blog]

I love your blog and I was wondering if you could write a headcanon for the RFA+V&Saeran when they see MC who they broke up with for something in the past. Like they miss her and want her, so how would they try to win her back. I'm sorry if I'm being a bit confusing.

My Masterlist

Zen

His contract to keep your relationship quiet, a new fantastic role, a rough patch he knows, in hindsight, was his fault.

He doesn’t really remember but he thinks your last argument was something about fish-shaped bread? How stupid.

It was awkward for a while. Zen used to leave the chatroom anytime you showed up, until you offered to leave in his place

He felt so guilty about it that he always stuck around, lamenting logging into the chatroom in case he found himself trapped watching you chat happily with everyone else

You seemed like you were doing so well

Even after that, the two of you ignored each other for the most part

He texted Yoosung party guest suggestions and made the poor boy ask in Zen’s place, even though he knew you were too nice to turn down a guest just because the suggestion came from your ex

He mellowed out as things got better in his career. He found a new girlfriend. She was pretty, and content with anything she could have of him, even if that did not include his love.

But you still saw each other at the party, and he was still absolutely taken with you

He caught himself staring, his eyes following as you moved throughout the room

A few drinks later and he was itching to touch you, kiss you, beg for your forgiveness

Would that be cheating?

Zen turned to his girlfriend. She caught his eye and smiled.

It would? Damn

His relationship lasted all of another two weeks before he broke it off

Zen tentatively starts conversations with you, notably reserved. Yoosung even mentioned the sharp drop-off in his narcissistic comments.

He spent every spare moment rehearsing the speech he was going to give you. And he waited, for the perfect moment.

Could he have texted you at any time? Or called? Absolutely.

But no, the perfect moment came at 3 AM one evening. Yoosung had just left the chatroom to play games, and Zen was just about to hit the exit button when your name popped up on screen

He spewed out his speech, taking up nearly three whole screens of the chat…and then he couldn’t stop

He just kept on babbling, whatever words he could think of that might get you to come back to him.

Jaehee

Nothing like internalized religious shame to ruin a relationship

It was always something she had fought with, but over time it became too much and she gave in

She was being too greedy, and it would hurt both of you in the end.

Your break-up was a quiet, soft discussion over coffee at table 7

Jaehee already did most of the administrative tasks for the cafe, but she took over what was left

She opened the cafe in the morning. You closed the cafe in the evenings. A manager relayed any communications.

You had never told the rest of the RFA you were together in the first place, and the breakup was somehow even more awkward for it

Things went back to the way they were…except not. It was like peeling a sticker from a bottle only to find that the invisible sticky residue had been left behind.

Jaehee was professional as always, you were polite as always, but everything hurt

The rest of the RFA noticed the gloom, Seven put the pieces together easily enough. Jumin at the very least suspected, which you put together when he offered both of you vague but particularly relevant advice

Jaehee immediately noticed how much she misses your presence

Running the cafe wasn’t half as much fun without you

Sitting at home and watching Zen’s musicals was still very relaxing…but not as enjoyable when she doesn’t have you to enjoy them with

She swears even her coffee isn’t as flavorful when you aren’t around.

She found herself up at wee hours of the morning most nights, looking at the crucifix up on her wall.

“Is this really what you want?” She asked, out loud to an empty house.  

She finally found happiness…why was she sabotaging it for herself?

The next day she came by right at the end of your shift, clinging to a clipboard with the inventory documents in order to avoid anxiously fidgeting.

“MC?” Her voice came out more unsure than she had hoped for. “Would you mind have a cup of coffee with me?”

Audibly sighed with relief when you agreed

She waits until the awkward silence takes over before speaking

“I think, no, I made a mistake when I broke up with you. I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, that I was being too greedy by wanting the coffee shop and such a close relationship with you. I should have just spoken with you about it. You were the one who made me want to chase my happiness, and I wanted to build this cafe with you, together. My life is better with you by my side.”

“Of course, I understand if you don’t want to but I…I would like to try again.”

Yoosung

The process of breaking up was a messy, three weeks of arguing. The actual break-up lasted all of twenty-four hours

School was hard, and you understood that, but he was irritable all the time

Everything that everyone did annoyed him and you two found yourselves arguing over anything he looked at

He brought your fights into the chat room, even when you tried to keep negative conversation to private texts

You suggested maybe he should take a break

He took that phrase, and interpreted it to mean something you hadn’t intended at all. “If we need to take a break, then we shouldn’t be together at all! We’re done!”

Yoosung had about twenty-four hours of rage-based satisfaction before your absence caught up to him

By then, the RFA found out from you what happened.

Zen was torn between his closest friend and you. You told him you would be alright, and that he did not need to come and see you

That was good, because Yoosung arrived at Zen’s apartment 10 minutes later.

Zen updated the chatroom later that evening, letting everyone know Yoosung drank a can of beer, cried, and then Zen put him to bed on the couch

Yoosung was back up again at three am, alone in a chatroom frantically typing out how much he missed you while he paced in Zen’s living room

Then he started calling

You woke up to several voicemails, all apologies from Yoosung

Jumin

He swore he would never let you go. Even when things were bad he couldn’t bring himself to get a divorce

Instead, the two of you separated. Though he felt he could no longer provide support for your emotional well-being, he offered his continued financial support.

The polite refusal you gave him, tears in your eyes and hands on your suitcase, made his chest tighten. He loosened his tie, hoping that would make it feel easier to breathe.

Zen spent the next week with you in Rika’s apartment, doting on your every need and bitching about Jumin every chance he got

Jumin threw himself into his work

He went back to treating you professionally. Seven made the mistake of joking about your newly single status only once before he discovered Jumin’s wrath was not worth it.

You spent the next several months trying to untangle your life from Jumin’s, knowing it would never fully work

Jumin tried to convince himself things would be okay without you. Love was a foolish endeavor. Work was the only thing that mattered.

But you had changed him, and now all of a sudden the idea of going back to a life without love, without the light you brought into his life make his heart ache.

Jaehee took over any communication that involved you, relaying any questions and information Jumin needed.

He made sure that was nothing for the first couple of months, even to the point of procrastinating on things that needed to be done just so he could avoiding saying your name

There were little things you left all around the house by accident. He couldn’t go anywhere without being reminded of you. He left them alone at first, refusing to touch them. If it was in the path of somewhere he needed to go, he had a maid remove it.

Slowly, he started gathering them all up. Whenever he would find something that was yours, he would store it in a box he kept on nightstand on your side of the bed. One day, he would send it to you.

The party came around. The entire RFA is on edge, anxious about the two of you seeing each other for the first time in nearly a year.

Seven helped you get ready beforehand. He made sure you looked great, even without Jumin’s designer gowns and personal stylists.

Jumin had never sent you the box with the last of your things, nor any divorce papers.

Yoosung and Seven had far too much fun pretending to “scout” for you, checking the entire venue for Jumin before you go inside. When he arrived, you knew because your cell phone vibrated four consecutive times with text alerts from the other RFA members

Jumin caught your eye a couple of times, you look away and continue your mingling, but the moment he saw you he knew exactly why he had never fully ended things with you: he never wanted your relationship to end

Those vows he took at the alter when he married you, he meant every word. A year of separation and all the arguments in the world would never change that. He wanted to fix things…but did you?

Jumin kept an eye on you while he networked with other guests, until he finally saw you wander to a quieter corner of the main room for a brief respite.

He ended the conversation he was having rather abruptly, in favor of approaching you with two glasses of wine in hand.

“MC?” He held out one of the glasses for you. “Would you be willing to try couple’s therapy?”

Saeyoung

He thought he could keep you safe from the agency. You were the one who made him believe that

And he could, from his original agency, but then a new agency started to recruit him just as he was getting his civilian life with you in place.

The two of you were engaged now…but if you got married, then your bond would be on paper.

He let his thoughts spiral, panicked one evening at the third attempt to infiltrate his security systems. It didn’t work, of course, but the potential threat was still there.

He pre-packed your things, set up a tracker on your phone, and arranged a Buber to take you to Jumin’s penthouse

The break up was quick. You were in the car and moved out of the house before you had time to process anything that happened.

After you two break up, Saeyoung went quiet.

No one knew if he was actually reading the chat logs at all, but the entire RFA spoke out, asking him to talk to you, to explain what happened, eventually just to say anything

Saeyoung spoke only with Jumin, and did all his work from behind the scenes.

Saeran gave semi-regular updates on his brother in the chatroom after reading the third chat log of you begging to know if he was okay. His brother’s relationship shouldn’t have been any of his business, but he liked you. You were a good person, and no one seemed to understand why Saeyoung did it.

Your role in the RFA only grew. It was rough at first, but the entire RFA was supportive in helping you get back on your feet.

Saeyoung read all the chat logs, including the messages you left for him. He kept an eye on where you were at all times, back to checking on you every 2.35 seconds in his bunker. He made sure to never look you in the eyes, lest it break his resolve.

Saeran lived with him now, but the house was quiet without you around. The twins’ relationship was still tense, but this had just made it worse.

At first, it was just more petty arguments than usual. Then, Saeran started asking why Saeyoung left MC. When Saeyoung wouldn’t answer, it became constant displeased grumbling every time they passed each other. Eventually, it became an outright fight.

“They didn’t do a damn thing and you left them! You left them just like you left me!”

“It’s for her protection Saeran! I took took care of my agency, but if we get married they’re going to be a target for anyone that wants our skills!”

“Did something happen? Did you even talk to them about this!? Why didn’t you ask me for help?”

“I don’t need help. If I told them why I wanted to end things, they wouldn’t have let me do it. It was for their safety. This was the best option.”

“And how did your idea of ‘the best option’ work out for everyone last time!?” Saeran slams his hand down on Saeyoung’s desk, knocking over a long cat bobble toy you had given him as a gift. Saeran’s eyes welled with tears, hands shaking with rage. “MC knew exactly what they were getting into! You had no right to just kick them out of our lives!”

Saeyoung looks up at his brother with wide eyes. Was this what you looked like right now too? Was that the expression and the emotion and the reality that he had been avoiding?

The next day he showed up with a eleven robotic roses that meowed like cats, an IOU for a kitten, and one rose that played a recording of him saying ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again

The sound was awful

Not his best idea

V/ Jihyun

He was the one who decided he was not okay with making you wait

It had been two years of barely keeping in contact

Another cancelled ticket. Another stub for the scrapbook. Another RFA party he would miss, not that he did anything for the group anymore.

You had been amazingly understanding, as usual, even when he broke your heart.

Yoosung already hated him. Jumin was getting a little frustrated, and the rest of the RFA expected him to never really come back. Him breaking up with you? You were the only one particularly heart-broken by the loss.

Everywhere he went, he saw you. Greece, Africa, The United States, Egypt. No matter what country he was in he would see someone on the street and for a few seconds he would be convinced it was you.

God knows how many times he whipped around in the middle of the street only to find himself staring at someone who was…decidedly not you.

Until one day, on a brief return to Korea, when he whipped around and he swore he saw your face. Not the back of your head, not you hands or your clothes, your face.  

“MC?”

You turn to look at him, surprised to see him after all these years.

At first, it just starts with an invitation to a cafe

He’s friendly and kind and apologizes for how things went between the two of you

Of course he wants you back, but he’s not going to force it. He was the one who broke the two of you up to begin with, and he has done nothing to earn your respect or love.

So…he stayed. And he texted. And he logged on to the RFA app to speak with all the members. He rented a studio and slept there on a couch in the back room while he put a life back together in Korea.

Things still aren’t perfect, but he’s trying. He has a place here, and friends, a life he can offer to share now.

He waits until the next RFA party ends, and catches you as you stow away one of the crystal centerpieces for the tables.

“I hope I’m not ruining you evening with this request…would you want to go out on a date with me?”

Saeran

The two of you started your relationship way too early.

He thought he was better now, that he could just live his life

But one day, the feelings hit him hard, like a ton of bricks. All of the progress, all of the work he did to get himself back where he was disappeared.

What was the point? What was the point of trying when it was all going to come back with no warning for the rest of his life?

He doesn’t even remember exactly when he broke up with you, because you never left his side.

It was somewhere between not eating for two days and Saeyoung checking him back into the psychiatric hospital.

“Go home already!” He would shout. You had no idea why, he had been okay with you here just a moment before.

It was because he noticed the glimmer of sadness in your eyes, or the way your expression drooped with disappointment.

Eventually, he got better. They released him from the hospital, but you stopped coming by so often.

It used to be you were there every single day, now you come  by sometimes to talk to Saeyoung, and check in on him briefly before you flee the bunker.

You got eerily quiet in the chatroom; even when he wasn’t around, you just weren’t quite as bright as you had been

He missed seeing you smile. He missed hearing your voice.

It’s another night of being up at three am. Another night of Saeyoung hovering around him, like if he looks away Saeran might try to hurt himself again.

An infomercial for some terrible super fruit health drink is on, and it reminds him of the time he tapped your shoulder to tell you his snarky comment about it, only to find you had fallen asleep on his shoulder.

You were the best thing to ever happen to him

He picks up his phone, and opens the text log.

i’m sorry for what I said

I wish you’d come by more often

I miss you

[adreamingsongbird]

can you write some fluff for me? i'm so sad today lol rip

hey uh wow same lol but i have this one wip thing that ill never finish from ages ago when a few friends and i were on discord talking about hp aus ft. durmstrang vik and mahoutokoro yuuri??? i hope it cheers you up

{ ao3 }

DurmstrangInstitute is, much like Viktor has repeatedly assured him, beautiful.  The castle itself is larger thanMahoutokoro’s jade palace, though Yuuri personally thinks his own school has amore intricate and lovely design, but the grounds are stunning.  He doesn’tentirely know where they are, precisely, but the mountains and lakes are sopristine, and oh, the green of the trees against the bright blue sky—

“Appreciating theview?” Viktor asks, drifting almost lazily on his broom with a matching lazy,content smile.  Yuuri shifts close enoughto gently bump his shoulder.

“Yes,” he says,“but I wasn’t looking at you, if that’s what you meant.”

Viktorlaughs.  “You wound me, dear,” he says,nudging back.  “Except not really,because I love that look you get on your face when you’re enjoying yourself.  Go on, keep looking around, I’ll keep quiet!”

Suddenlyself-conscious, Yuuri ducks his head as the wind picks up.  “What look?” he asks, squinting against thebreeze.  It’s cold against his face, and belatedly,he’s starting to realize that maybe an extra layer or five might have beenuseful before going flying up here, but… oh well.  It’s too late to go back to Viktor’s room todig through his suitcase now, and a little cold never hurt anyone.

(Besides, it’llbe a great excuse for them to have tea together later, not that they reallyneed one.)

“The one whereyour eyes get all big and shiny and you get that one specific little smile!”Viktor says, leaning forward slightly. He takes one hand from his broom to reach over and touch Yuuri’s lips,just a brush of his gloved fingers, and yet somehow it sends shivers of awholly different kind tingling down his spine. “It’s adorable.  Please, ignore myinterruption.”

Yuuri presseshis lips together and puffs out his cheeks, not sure what to say.  “I’m not adorable.”

“Should I saycharming, lovable, delightful, or scrumptious instead?” Viktor asks.  Yuuri leans to the side and dips into a lazyspiral, curving below and then above him to get a better view of the still,reflective pond they’re flying over.  Hissilvery-golden robes (almost pure gold, except for his abysmal marks last yearafter—well.  Now isn’t a good time todwell on that) billow out behind him like a cloud, and Viktor’s cape fluttersin the wind, too.  

There he is,Viktor Nikiforov in all his pink-cheeked, blue-eyed, silver-haired glory, withthe guts to call Yuuri the charmingone.  He shakes his head, scoffing.

“I can’tbelieve the man almost as beautiful as this landscape is calling me pretty!” he calls, swooping into asharp dive, sharp enough that he can nearly reach out and skim his fingersalong the water.  The surface ripplesfrom the wind of his flight, distorting Viktor’s reflection as he dives after.

“Almost?”

Laughing, Yuurileans back and starts to climb again, almost but not quite vertical.  The thrill of the fall settles in his chest,warm and exhilarating, and he can’t help the grin tugging at his cheeks.  “That’s what I said!  I’m sorry, Vitya, but these mountains are ina whole other league entirely!”

“You’re morebeautiful than all the mountains and lakes combined!” Viktor shoots back, hisvoice carried on the wind as he ascends too, zooming after Yuuri withease.  “So it’s only natural that I’d becalling you pretty!”

“Oh, stopthat!” Yuuri complains, ducking his head again to try and hide his blush.  “You big flatterer!”

“It’s notflattery if it’s truth,” Viktor says with a merry smile and a dainty shrug,coming to fly next to him again.  Yuurinudges his broom closer, until they’re side-by-side and close enough to touch,their flight slow as they drift on gentle currents like a wide, sedate river.

“Then I have toamend my statement,” he says, reaching for one of Viktor’s gloved hands.  “If I’m prettier than the mountains andlakes, and that’s an if, mind you, then you’re much, much more beautiful thanthe entire sky, and everything under it.”

“Oh!”  Viktor’s other hand flies up to his mouth,and for a moment Yuuri worries he’ll fall from his broom, so he tightens hisgrip to make sure he doesn’t even though he’s quite aware that Viktor is easilyhis equal in flight skill.  Probably hisbetter, really.  “And who’s the flatterernow?”

Yuuri squeezeshis hand and offers him a genuine, happy smile. “And you’re even cuter when you blush,” he adds, then immediately dropsinto another quick dive and a roll instead of waiting for a response.  Throwing a glance over his shoulder, he seesViktor, flustered and waving a hand in complaint as he follows,protesting.  

“I—what—I’m notblushing!  Yuuri!  It’s the wind!”

A laugh bubblesup in his throat and spills from his mouth, torn from his lips by the rushingwind, and Yuuri pulls himself into a hard, fast corkscrew just for the fun ofit, then shoots upward in a big loop. There isn’t much better than flying above scenery this breathtaking,especially not when one is flying with the most beautiful man in the world.

“You can’t justsay that and rush off!” Viktor is complaining, drawing closer again.  Yuuri just grins, feeling lighter than ever,all stuffed with giddy golden butterflies that thrive on the freedom of beingout here, up here, with just the twoof them.  He hasn’t felt this free in along time.

“I can,” hepoints out.  “I just did.”

“You better notdo it again,” Viktor pouts, eyes twinkling. Joy shines in his face, brighter than the sun, and his wind-mussed hairfloats about so enticingly that Yuuri almost abandons his hold on his broomjust to lean over and run his hands through it. It’s silvery-white in the sunlight, almost like a halo, and it’s kind ofa pity that they’re flying way up here, because that raw delight makes Yuuriwant to grab him and kiss him senseless, which would be a bit of a healthhazard.  So he really should findsomething else to distract himself with.

Besides, Viktorjust issued what clearly is achallenge to do it again, and what kind of boyfriend would he be to let himdown?

So Yuuri justgrins at him, competitive spirit coming out again.  Viktor must be able to see it, because helets out a playful groan.  “Oh no,” hesays.  “Don’t you dare, you—”

“I think youhave a really cute nose,” Yuuri blurts out, then shoots forward as fast as hecan, the wind making his eyes water. Behind him, he hears Viktor let out a shout.

“Yuuri!”

“Catch me ifyou can!” he calls back, because if they make it a chase, he can pretend he’sonly red-cheeked because of the wind and the chill, not from the embarrassmentof just having told Viktor he has a cute nose to his face.  And Viktor isjust as competitive as he is, so he’ll play.

And then it’son, up and down and back and forth and around, through the forests and over theslopes, skimming the lakes and reaching high for the clouds.  It’s a beautiful day, except for the cold,and Yuuri can’t stop laughing as he darts away from Viktor, who stays right onhis tail, always just out of reach.  Theminutes fly by like seconds, until they’re both out of breath, floating above aclifftop meadow.  It’s very green.

“Wow,” Yuuribreathes, leaning forward until he’s almost flat on his broom as he looks down,over the edge of the cliff.  The windpicks up again, blowing his hair back from his face, and he scrunches up hisnose against it, looking at the sharp fall of the cliffside, leaping down tomeet the cold, blue fjord far below.  Alittle waterfall like white lace dances its way down the sheer rock, so distantit could be a thread.

A sudden yelpgrabs his attention, and he whips around just in time to see Viktor go tumblingoff his broom.  Alarm bells explode asYuuri races back toward him, watching as if in slow-motion as he starts tofall, fall, fall…

…and lands witha thump in the grass of the meadow.

Heart poundingin his throat because of how close he is to the cliff’s edge, Yuuri urges hisbroom down, suddenly terrified.  Viktoris face-down.  He’s not moving.  Oh, god, what happened?  How did he fall?  Is he—

“Vitya!” hecries, swooping in low and muttering a curse as he tries to detangle himselfand his robes from the broom.  Dammit, hereally should have tied them up properly earlier!  “Vitya, are you okay?  Oh my god, Vitya—”

Viktor rollsover, his hands covering his face. “Yuuri,” he says, and his voice trembles.  Oh, no, no no no, is he crying?  What happened, what happened, what happened?  “Yuuri, I’m ruined.  My dignity is gone.  It’s all your fault; you did this to me.”

Confusion andguilt rise, and his hands still on the broom. Yuuri sits there in midair, blinking, before he finally tries to findwords.  “I… what?  Sorry, I…”

Viktor moveshis hands aside, and oh, he’s notcrying at all.  He’s laughing.  His face is allpink and there’s a shy smile there as he laughs, and now he’s holding out hisarms, the universal invitation for a hug. “Yuuri!” he exclaims, shaking his head. “I fell because—of all things!—I got distracted by thinking of how cute you looked just now!  Come here, I need at least ten hugs to feelbetter.”

Relief comesfirst, hard-hitting and heady, and it spills out as laughter.  ViktorNikiforov, of all people, fell off his broom because he gotdistracted?  Yuuri can’t help but giggleat him.

And then therest of his sentence clicks into place, and with it, Yuuri flips the switchfrom incredibly amused to awfully flustered in a heartbeat.  “You what?!”he yelps.  How cute he—but he wasn’t evendoing anything—!

Heat floods hischeeks faster than a falling Quidditch star hits the ground, making himinstinctively try to bury his face in his hands, and the next thing he knows,the world is tilting dangerously and then there’s a hard impact against hisshoulder and back and hip and ankle, and he blinks, confused, up at the sky.

“Oh my god,”Viktor says, next to him.  He starts tolaugh all over again, then rolls over and drapes his arm and leg overYuuri.  “And they say love gives us wings,”he sighs mournfully, and the entire situation is so ridiculous that Yuuri justhas to laugh.

He turns and isgreeted by those same sky-blue eyes he was admiring earlier, now sparkling withboth laughter and warmth.  Viktor smilesat him with all the tenderness in the world, and Yuuri presses their foreheadstogether, heart still pounding from the exhilaration of their flight.

“I still thinkyou’re very cute when you blush,” he says, and pecks the tip of Viktor’s (verycute) nose.  Viktor, of course, blushes.

“You’re evencuter when you’re making those faces at the wind,” he says, his hand findingits way into Yuuri’s hair.  The leatherof his glove is slightly cool against Yuuri’s scalp, and when the wind blowsagain, he has to stifle a shiver.

…Viktor’s capeis right there.

Sitting up, heignores Viktor’s soft questioning mewl and reaches for the buckle instead,undoing the clasp as it sits snug across Viktor’s chest.  Viktor makes an odd little choked sound.

“You know,dear, if you plan on undressing me, there might be better places than—”

Blushingharder, Yuuri tugs at the cape.  “I’mstealing this,” he says, tugging at it again, and Viktor stops.  Then he laughs.

“Of course,” hesays.  Then he sits up too, wraps itaround the both of them, and pulls Yuuri close, against his chest.  His arms are warm and snug, wrapped aroundhim as they are, and Yuuri smiles happily, leaning into him.  “What’s mine is yours.  I told you that when you first got here.”

“You’re mine,”Yuuri teases, closing his eyes and tucking his head into the crook of Viktor’sneck, nice and cozy.  The cape blocks thewind very effectively, and Viktor radiates heat.  He could fall asleep like this.

Viktor takes amoment to reply, and Yuuri blinks, opening his eyes just in time to catch hisboyfriend looking down at him with the most gentle, tender expression he’s everseen.

“Yeah,” Viktoragrees warmly.  “I am.”