#at one point i think the fries should just develop a mouth and laugh creepily

[cursedzucchini]

Danny working as a batburger employee.

And now I know that ain't the most original thing on this website, but consider;

When Danny comes into contact with food, it gains sentience.

I mean imagine the jokerized fries coming alive trying to kill each other, bc there can be only one, before seeing the real joker and immediately forming a team to take that bitch down.

Or the poison ivy salad (I think) combining their powers together to try and kill whoever bought them.

Or the batburger hiding in the shadows.

Or like literally anything you can think of.

Just Danny, tired employee, trying to convince ppl to buy normal fries, bc if he gotta deal w the joker version one more fucking time he's burning this whole place down.

Or just trying to convince the food to stay on the plate. (And stabbing it to place if necessary)

So I'm not sure if anyone thought of this, but this is my vision ✋✨✨✨✨🤚

[1upmushrooms]

The First Rebel Chapter 3 (1up Deadfic)

Chapter 3: Dinner and a nightmare

The man's good, he's an expert at smooth talk. The idea of those de-evolving guns has merit. I should rob those blueprints once we get to the building. It still makes me wonder though, what did Koopa do to get demoted? Whatever, all I need right now is to lie low. Planning in the shadows is what got me out; well that and the fact that the security over there is horrible but nevertheless that tatic hasn't failed me now.

The Rebel sat on the ground, using his brown coat as a mattress while looking up at the ceiling; his eyes were never able to close so they just stared, not doing much else. There was a bang at the door and when he opened it, Mona was standing there with a poorly made Barbacoa T-Rex Burrito.

She shoved it at him, "Dinner's served."

The Rebel looked at the processed meal and smiled. "Thank you."

Mona scoffed, "Just eat it."

She started to walk away but turned back. "Oh and one other thing," She said, "I have to go to work at the diner so watch the kid will you?"

The Rebel raised his eyebrows, "Me?"

"Who else was I talking to?"

"Well not to be rude but shouldn't taking care of the kid be Wario's job?"

After a brief pause, both of them laughed at the idea of this as Mona left the warehouse with a grin on her face. The Rebel sat down on his "mattress" after eating the poorly made dish. Granted, he ate worse before but that was still pathetic. He was able to finish the meal however which is something he couldn't say for the crap he ate at Vista Hills.

Well, better go see how that kid is.

Surprisingly, the Rebel found the kid quite easily...he was standing right in front of him. The Rebel nearly jumped but kept his cool and waved his hand. The kid looked about 10, his brown hair was at standard length. His grey shirt was torn, his black pants were baggy, and his new stomper boots were dented. To be nice, the Rebel tried to start a conversation.

"Uh, hello there, how are you?"

The kid just stared at him with that creepily plain face.

"So uh, did you know Wario a lot?"

The kid merely sighed, "I've only seen him 5 times."

"Really uh, has he been good to you?"

The kid grew a little irritated, "I don't know, what do you think?"

"Yeah, that's what I thought, so what do you want to do?"

All he got was a stare.

"So...what's your name?"

"...Tyler."

"Tyler huh, that's a nice name."

"Mom named it for me."

Silence emerged.

My god is this kid awkward!

"So have you eaten, Tyler?"

"No."

"Well, let's get you something, where's the kitchen?"

Tyler pointed south, He and Tyler walked to the kitchen while not looking at each other. When they arrived, the Rebel opened the fridge and looked for something Tyler could eat. He found some vegetables which made him gag.

"What is it?"

"Nothing really" The Rebel said, "I just hate veggies."

He finally found some fried tweeters and some buns which were suitable for a kid he guessed so he put the tweeters on the buns, and put them in the microwave. A minute later they were cooked, and put on a plate. However instead of chowing down, most of the time Tyler just stared at him, he tried to ignore this fact but after a while couldn't take it anymore.

"Yes?"

"What's your name?"

He looked at Tyler, "My name?"

"Yeah, I just thought I'd ask."

The Rebel thought long about this and sighed, "Well, to tell you the truth Tyler, I don't really know."

"No, you just don't want to say it. Is it embarrassing?"

"No, it's just...I feel I'm one of those people where it doesn't matter what my name is. It's what I do that counts."

"Well that's silly."

"Not really, I mean I think one could name himself or herself very easily, it's a label, nothing more nothing less. You could name yourself anything you want but it all comes down to what you do if you want people to notice you."

Tyler just looked at him and sighed, it was obvious this meant very little to him. The Rebel tried to make conversation but just couldn't get himself to say anything, nothing interesting at least. After an hour or so, the Rebel began feeling sleepy.

Well, I'm tired again. That or I'm just consumed by the awkwardness here and my mind's looking for an excuse.

Without saying goodbye, the Rebel left the kitchen and walked all the way to his room. The hallways were always shorter nowadays; either that or he was walking fast. As he opened the door, the Rebel closed it and crashed on his coat. He still felt uncertain though, like something was lagging. To solve this he tried thinking of things to sooth his mind. He finally settled on Koopa, not exactly soothing but it was the only thing he thought of so he went with it. As he thought on memories of the first day he ever met Koopa emerged.

He remembered almost everything, the room, the desk, the chair, the fact that Wario and all the other guys were there, and Koopa himself. Koopa looked extra special that day, with his groomed hair that had some blonde color to it, his green outfit that was sharper than pens, and his eyes that always seemed to be looking at you.

They were all standing except Koopa who sat on his chair with a look of legitimate intrigue. He remembered being nervous just staring at the King's royal advisor with lots of people he never even knew. Koopa broke the tension by getting up to tell them of their new tasks as the King's special crew. What his exact words were, the Rebel didn't remember but he knew it was about what they would do and what challenges they would face. Koopa then sneezed on his hand wiped them on the desk before getting a kleenex. He remembered looking surprised before Koopa assured him that they were "just germs".

The rest however was a blur as the Rebel came back into reality and saw that it had been a whole 30 minutes. He rubbed his eyebrows a bit and got up from his coat mattress. He sat at the desk and tried writing something. That didn't soothe his mind either, mostly because all he wrote about was that Tyler kid. There was another knock at the door as he suddenly broke out of thought again. Wario entered the office with a pillow and blanket. After looking up the Rebel looked back at his papers and teased,

"Don't tell me she already kicked you out."

Wario smirked, "Fortunately no. I just got these for you since you might get cold sleeping in here."

The Rebel looked at the blanket which was a car sheet and the torn pillow, not exactly high class but it would have to do.

"Thanks."

"Oh trust me, it was no problem."

After Wario left with blanket and pillow resting besides the desk, the door that led outside the warehouse opened as Mona got out and headed to the "love suite". However instead of the sound of love, there was a loud groan of annoyance.

"Who took my blanket and pillow?!"

The Rebel smirked and lied down, it may have taken a while but he finally fell asleep, only to be surrounded in a dreamed of Koopa's office, torn, vandalized, and destroyed. He was there, looking at all the chaos with a smile on his face when he saw the lizard skin chair move. After kicking it over he found Koopa, weak, and defenseless. However when he looked up at the Rebel all that came out of his mouth was a light chuckle.

The Rebel laughed through his throat as a knife crept out of his pocket. Rain continued to pour as Koopa forced himself up, torn suit and all.

"Well? Heh heh heh. What are you waiting for? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Go ahead and kill me already you gutless son of a bitch!"

Without warning the Rebel painfully pierced Koopa through his neck with the knife waiting for Koopa to fall down so he could kick him out the window. Koopa however, merely pulled it out as the wound instantly healed itself.

"Poor choice soldier."

Koopa then knocked him down as he was treated to an onslaught of punches and kicks until he grabbed Koopa's leg and managed to pull him down to the floor as well. The last bit of the dream that he could remember ended with a big blast as he woke up with sweat on his head and pain on his arm. Someone was knocking on the door.

Talk about nightmare fuel.

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Author’s Note: This chapter, is a marked improvement over the previous chapter, mostly because we get a less cringey character for the Rebel to play off of, Tyler. The development of the Rebel’s and Tyler’s relationship from a tense acquaintanceship to a genuine friendship later on is one aspect that I think held up fairly well. Before this became a deadfic I remember coming up with several interesting ideas and plot points when it came to developing these two’s relationship. (Ideas that I may end up revealing some day hint hint nudge nudge).

I also think the way I handled Koopa was a somewhat clever idea. In the movie proper, Koopa is...well Dennis Hopper if he were a germaphobe. An over the top, hammy, larger than life dictator. So when it came to writing this fic I thought “Wouldn’t it be fun if Koopa in this story was the exact opposite of Dennis Hopper’s Koopa in the movie?” and immediately began to work. Now, Koopa was more calm, with a (outwardly at least) warmer personality and was not above wiping his germs off on a desk. Naturally, if this had continued, that persona would eventually transform (or maybe, evolve?) into the Koopa of the movie.

Also, I can’t help but notice Mona in this fic works at a diner. I only mention this because if I actually did some damn research, I wouldn’t have wasted a golden opportunity to have her work at Python’s Pizza (not only would it be a fun reference to the movie but it would also be a nice nod to the fact that she used to be a pizza delivery girl as one of her many jobs). Again, I could have done so much better with Mona.