#bandwidth monitor

[techdriveplay]

How Can I Improve My Home Wi-Fi Network?

In today’s connected world, a reliable home Wi-Fi network is essential. Whether you’re working from home, streaming your favourite shows, or simply browsing the internet, a strong and stable Wi-Fi connection is crucial. So, how can you improve your home Wi-Fi network? Let’s explore some effective strategies and solutions. Statistics to Consider: 74% of households experience Wi-Fi issues at…

[patheticperipatetic]

Fun fact, you can look at the earth live from the ISS.

If you see this blazed it's cuz I get a monthly blaze and I this is the post I wanna share.

The ISS feed has three looks:

The "It's in Earth's Shadow" black screen

The switching access points (since it moves)

And the 👁️👄👁️

45 minutes in the sun, 45 minutes in Earth's Shadow, (90 minute orbit) so half the time there's nothing to show. Minus! the time that the video feed is shut off for bandwidth. So less then half the time it's awe inspiring but the times when it is: amazing.

I bought a 4 or 5 inch monitor for my desk that's just a browser window to this YouTube page.

You can hear the astronauts talk to ground control. If you're not expecting it you'll just hear a voice suddenly start. A lot of it is mundane stuff like "hey, these serial numbers don't match up, what do I do?" or "houston the barcode scanner isn't syncing with the ipad, I've tried rebooting both".

[chdarling]

Hi friends.

It pains me to do this, but I have locked down my fics for the foreseeable future, so now they can only be accessed with an AO3 account. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN DELETED. I did this because I have learned that TLE has been stolen by an AI scraper yet again. This is not the first time this has happened, and I’ve also been having issues lately with finding my work posted elsewhere on the internet against my wishes. Frankly, I’m fed up. I do not have the bandwidth to monitor this crap right now, so lockdown mode it is. Sorry to those this will inconvenience, but selfish assholes and evil tech bros are why we can’t have nice things, I guess.

Anyway, fuck AI and fuck anyone who steals other people’s art, particularly art that is shared for free out of nothing but love and community spirit. I know I’m not the only fan writer who’s been fucked by AI bullshit. This shit is a plague. Sending you all love and encouragement through the relentless commodification and devaluation of human creativity.

I hate this timeline.

[mangocheesecakes]

I am eyeing another possible scam blog that's newly-made and seem to be using these recent attacks on Rafah to gain traction. Claims to be in Rafah in the middle of the attacks and yet somehow had the time, presence of mind, and internet bandwidth to make a new tumblr, and even customize their banner and blog title!

reminders again to everyone to please only share and entertain donation requests from blogs that have at least been vouched for by Palestinians or other users who have connections with people in Gazah.

please also be wary of blogs who hide their money transfer links and ask to send them to you in private. scammers often claim to want to protect their privacy, but in reality they just don't want us to trace their accounts to other scams if they've used it before, or if they wanna reuse them for future scams in case they get caught.

@Laura and her scammer ilk, if you all are still out there monitoring my account, I am telling you right now to fucking stop while you're ahead. Jumping on the deaths of hundreds of Palestinians while it is currently happening just so you can make a quick buck is beyond the pale, even for you. Stop stealing pictures and videos from suffering Palestinians. Stop now while you still can, habang hindi ka pa nabubuking, or I swear to god, I will post about you on every social media I have. Please do not test my patience on this. I have a lot of people who will back me up now.

[discodeerdiary]

There's a good reason why I try not to argue publicly with anyone under 18, and it's not that I think they're inherently stupid, it's not that I think their brains are "underdeveloped", it's not that I think they can "do no wrong", it's that I never know how much freedom they actually have to think freely, or how many of their opinions are actually their own. Of course, under-18s *can be* capable of thinking for themselves and developing their own opinions, but (here in the US at least) law and culture put a lot of roadblocks on their ability to do so.

Of course parents and teachers cannot actually control the inner thoughts of the children they wield power over, but they can restrict the information that they have access to, can punish them for saying the wrong things, can cut them off from healthy diverse social groups, and can convince the child their thoughts are being monitored through religion, psychology, and other appeals to higher authority.

Thus if a random teenager says some headass shit in my mentions I have no way of knowing if these are opinions they arrived at on their own, or if they are dogmas forced on them by the people holding food and shelter over their head. If it's the latter, there's nothing to be gained from a public confrontation: people are generally unwilling to change their opinions in a direction that threatens their social support system, and they are especially unwilling to do so at the behest of an internet stranger who cannot offer alternative forms of support. If a teen is genuinely curious about my opinion (that is *if they consent* to a discussion of disagreements) and if I have the mental bandwidth for a potentially emotionally loaded conversation, yeah I'll have it, but I'm not gonna maintain any illusions about my ability to change their mind until they can find a way to live independently.

This is also why my leniency toward the not-yet-adult tends to also extend to the recently-adult. Coming up with a system of beliefs that you're actually willing to stand behind? Shit takes time, and I'm not necessarily gonna expect it of a 20-year-old who may, for all I know, have been living under conditions of near-absolute control up until their 18th birthday. Sure they may be opening their mind in college, or college may be their parents way of keeping them too occupied with busywork to develop new opinions, as they continue to hold financial support over their head. It's around their mid-twenties that I'm willing to go full gloves-off antagonistic with strangers, knowing that they've had a few years of legal and social adulthood under their belt, and that even if they're still financially dependent on their parents it's a different sort of dependence, one where they're given default legal permission to run away from home.

A lot of people are deeply uncomfortable with this line of thinking because if you look too far into the factors that influence young people's thoughts, you eventually have to start asking yourself which forces of dependency are influencing your own beliefs and opinions. Yeah, as an independent adult you may have the option to quit your job, divorce your spouse, ditch your friends, move to another country, but realistically how many of these can you accomplish at the same time? How many do you even want to? And how are all of these forces *in aggregate* setting the acceptable limits of what you're allowed to think and feel? It can be upsetting to think of yourself this way, it can be easier to think of yourself as a true free thinker and children as mindless automatons, but I urge you to think of mentally coercive environments as a continuum rather than a binary. The point is not to free yourself from all influence, but to gain the ability to see yourself as an influenced mind, and to have compassion for those dealing with all the bullshit you don't have to anymore.

[lsunstreakerl]

I always feel so embarrassed to enjoy a/b/o fics but the pack dynamics will suck me back in EVERY TIME 😭 I really need to know how the pack dynamics work as the drivers start including Max... like the rb garage is pack bonded now?? Will Max just have two packs or does he have to pick one?? (also does Charles have any feelings about them neglecting his boy👀)

you're embarrassed reading it, I'm literally writing it 😭 this is coming to my grave with me. anyways- worldbuilding below the cut!

kind of talked about in one of the last ficlets, but garages aren't really set up to function as packs- sometimes smaller subgroups might form loose pack bonds, but they almost never include drivers, because the nature of driver contracts makes being a pack with your team a bad idea. if you're only around for a year or two, and then you leave for another team- breaking that pack bond hurts. it's one of the things daniel really struggles with when he leaves.

additionally, (at least in my universe here) packs can undergo "pack strain", which is when there's a divide in authority on pack alpha. it's really, really easy for that to happen to a garage pack, which is the other reason they don't form. the divide between a pack alpha and a team principal makes it impossible for one person to cohesively lead the team all the time.

a team principal is too busy running the garage as a team, getting everything done they need to for racing. they don't have the time or emotional bandwidth to also be a pack alpha on top of that, so the role has to be delegated.

the person the pack might pick as pack alpha could be several stations below the team principal in the actual team, which can lead to problems on race day. it puts everyone else under strain too- who do they listen to? their boss or their pack alpha?

pack strain is the name given to the actual condition that arises from that. it's characterized by high levels of anxiety in a pack, difficulty submitting to authority, and the regular members of the pack (not the pack alpha or "challenging" pack alpha) become codependent on each other, trying to fill in the gaps.

"Sunny, how did Redbull avoid that for two years?"

everyone say thank you gianpiero. GP is the RB pack alpha, but he's unique in the sense that even in the pack he shows a clear respect for Christian. This is atypical just because it's hard to find an alpha willing to do that, but the team is doing this for Max. They're not unaware of the dangers of pack strain- but after the airport incident they recognize that Max has pack bonded to them, so the RB garage being a pack is a bit of a crisis response.

the drivers pack was initially formed to prevent drivers pack bonding with their garages. that's practically its entire purpose. ideally for RB, Max joins the drivers pack and starts naturally shifting towards them, and the team can ease out of the pack bond. It's not a strict break- more of a natural erosion. They'll still need to have a professional Pack Dynamicist around to monitor the situation while they're readjusting, but it won't be traumatic.

[mariacallous]

The target is you, voter. Russia, China, Iran, and other bad actors sought to interfere in the run-up to today’s US elections, according to research by the Atlantic Council’s Digital Forensic Research Lab (DFRLab), which has been monitoring online trends along with statements by governments, private companies, and civil society in its Foreign Interference Attribution Tracker. As DFRLab experts detail below, this year’s malign efforts in many ways surpass previous influence campaigns in sophistication and scope, if not in impact—and they are expected to continue well after the polls close.

Tipping the scale

“By sheer volume, foreign interference in the 2024 US election has already surpassed the scale of adversarial operations in both 2016 and 2020,” Emerson says.

Dina notes that each US adversary played to its strengths. For example, Iran and China “attempted to breach presidential campaigns in hack-and-leak operations that raise concerns about their cyber capabilities during and after the elections,” she tells us.

At the same time, the United States is more prepared than it was in previous election cycles. Russian efforts in 2016 “made foreign interference a vivid fear for millions of Americans,” Emerson notes. “Eight years later, the US government is denouncing and neutralizing these efforts, sometimes in real time.”

In fact, Graham tells us, “the combined actions by the US departments of Justice, Treasury, and State against two known Russian interference efforts was the largest proactive government action taken against election influence efforts before an election.”

Doppelgangers and down-ballot races

US officials this week called Russia “the most active threat,” and it’s easy to understand why. Emerson notes Russia’s “ten-million-dollar effort to infiltrate and influence far-right American media,” alongside the “Doppelganger” network, which has spread “tens of thousands of false stories and staged videos intended to undermine election integrity in the swing states of Pennsylvania, Georgia, and Arizona.” Increasingly desperate, Russian actors have even sought to shut down individual polling places with fake bomb threats, he adds.

Meanwhile, China has focused on “down-ballot races instead of the presidential election to target specific anti-China politicians,” Kenton explains. Using fake American personas and generative artificial intelligence, China-linked operations have appeared across more than fifty platforms. Perhaps surprisingly, Kenton adds, “attributed campaigns appeared sparingly” on the Chinese-owned platform TikTok and far more often on Facebook and X.

Faith, fakes, and falsehoods 

“The primary aim is to erode Americans’ faith in democratic institutions and heighten chaos and social division,” Kenton explains, and thus to undermine the ability of the US government to function so it will have less bandwidth to contain adversarial powers.

“Some of the fake and already debunked narratives and footage circulating before the elections will likely continue to be amplified by foreign threat actors well after November 5,” Dina predicts. Expect to see activity around the submission of certificates of ascertainment on December 11, the December 17 meeting of the electors to formally cast their votes, and through inauguration day on January 20.

And in a post-election period where the results will likely be contested, Graham thinks there’s a “high likelihood” that foreign actors will “cross a serious threshold” from pre-election attempts to broadly influence American public opinion in service of their geopolitical interests to “direct interference” by trying to mobilize Americans to engage in protests or even violence.

Nevertheless, Graham points out that the high volume of foreign-influence efforts observed during this year’s election cycle so far does not appear to have had a significant impact in terms of changing Americans’ opinions or behavior.  

The consequences of foreign disinformation, Emerson adds, should be assessed against “the far more viral, sophisticated, and dangerous election-day falsehoods that Americans spread among themselves.”

[nitewrighter]

I like how you write star and Selina.

It’s like “I don’t know how to talk to my boyfriend’s dad’s girlfriend, until eventually I decide to just screw with her”

In my interpretation, Catwoman has very limited bandwidth for DC universe goings-on outside Gotham. She's got this "Not my circus not my monkeys I don't even want to hear the word Anti-Monitor," thing going on. So it is funny that Bruce regularly gets swept up in shit that is well and far beyond his usual "Detective-in-Hell-Fuck-City" goings on. Kory, being an alien, kind of falls under the banner of what Selina would call "League Bullshit," but she's getting better at dealing with it.

Catwoman: *calling Bruce* Where are you?! I am literally sitting on the 18th century throne of Markovia at the Gotham Museum decked out in 14.3 million dollars worth of emeralds right now. I SET OFF THREE ALARMS, B.

Batman: *voice crackling with severe static* Something came up. I'm in Hollow Earth right now.

Catwoman: *pinching the bridge of her nose* Hollow Earth. *distant explosion*

Batman: What was that?

Catwoman: *I dunno sound* Nygma, probably? He was doing another one of his manic billboard takeovers challenging Batman to a battle of wits and I think he's worse at being stood up than me.

Batman: Cat, a pterodactyl is attempting to feed me to her young. I'm going to need to call you back. Can you take care of Nygma? *pterodactyl screech promptly cut off by the sound of a blow landing* Robin's probably on it but he might need backup.

Catwoman: *snort* I'm not one of your birds, B. Like, what I'm just gonna put all this jewelry back and--? *distant explosion*

Batman: *audibly grunting with pterodactyl screeching in the background*

Catwoman, itching under her cowl exhaustedly: *sigh* Fiiiiiiiine. *hangs up*

[eightyonekilograms]

Another curiosity hidden in the circuit board is this wiggle on one of the traces. It contains a tiny detour to make sure it’s the same length as its paired trace, which is especially important when dealing with extra-high-speed data transmission.

High-bandwidth cables like Thunderbolt 3/USB-4 are nuts. It does make me crazy that I have to frequently unplug/replug my monitor back into the Thunderbolt dock to get it to re-sync but I can sympathize that the protocols and signaling rates have gotten so crazy it must not be easy to get it all exactly right.

[dr-futbol-blog]

Coup d'État, Pt. 3

The Genii chief scientist Ladon had given them two hours to get back to him or the offer of the ZPM would be gone forever, so we can assume that Weir and Sheppard had hailed McKay the moment the transmission had gone offline. We now find them in the meeting room, and the people who are present are not the senior staff but consist of Sheppard's team. It may be that the matter is not something that Sheppard and his team have to decide, but that Weir and Sheppard were going to discuss the topic over with McKay and Weir had invited Ronon and Teyla to join them because she had another job for them to do. While McKay is not giving them a presentation as such, he seems to be making a case for why they need to try to get the ZPM even if it is risky, because he knows better than most people what it can be used for and why they need it. There is no such thing as too many ZPMs.

McKay: A ZPM is a ZPM. Who cares where it comes from? Sheppard: We've already got one. McKay: Yes, one. Dex: Two's better than one. McKay: And three is better than two. Look, we all know that eventually the wraith are gonna discover we're still here. Having more power means that we have more options.

So, let us start with the fact that McKay seems to be wearing a tighter t-shirt than he normally does. Yes, he has a soft middle and in the show it is attributed to stress eating (in Tao of Rodney (S03E14) Sheppard calls it "feeding his unhappiness") but for some reason he is wearing a more snugly fitting shirt now than we have seen him wear previously. It could of course be a mix-up, he could have picked up a shirt in the wrong size, but what is curious about this is that we do not see many other people wear gray t-shirts. Presuming that he is wearing a more snug size on purpose, it may be because he is trying to draw Sheppard's attention or he might even be wearing the shirt that he had sent for Sheppard to wear in the sanctuary that has shrunk in the wash. Regardless, it both accentuates his shoulders and draws attention to his middle, and for someone that has seen him in the nude, it is a reminder of what he looks like without a shirt.

However, Sheppard does not seem to be in the mood to be thinking about that (for once), being far too upset by recent events. He sounds terse and impatient, only acknowledging Ronon's attempt at a joke with a brief glance. We do not know how he was sitting in his swivel chair when McKay was on the other side of the monitor from where he walked into the frame, but now Sheppard is slouching -- and we have never seen him slouch this badly, he is putting a lot of effort into looking nonchalant here -- but currently he is sitting so that he is facing McKay, with Ronon and Teyla between them. Usually McKay and Sheppard have an accord between them and have to try to convince Weir together, but now it seems like McKay is having to pitch this to Sheppard, to try to convince him of the ZPM being worth the risk. It seems like Sheppard does not have enough bandwidth to be thinking about all of this when his people have been killed, but McKay does remind him of the fact that they need this for security, to keep themselves safe in the future. Also note that for some reason McKay seems nervous here, doing his nervous thumb rubbing thing, and is even slightly panting, like he is out of breath. Beckett had given Dr. Lindsay a sedative but whether McKay is running on something other than caffeine is not known. Maybe he had come to them in a hurry.

McKay: We might even be able to light up the engines and get the city to fly. Sheppard: Really? McKay: ...No. But we still need it. Weir: Well, flying city or not, I think we should consider this.

McKay manages to land on the one thing capable of drawing Sheppard back from his current dark thoughts, and we see that it takes him a beat to register what McKay had just said. Flying the city is like a wet dream to him, and the thought that it might be something that McKay could one day provide for him takes Sheppard immediately, if briefly, to his happy place. Throughout this season they have been teasing the possibility of flying the city, reminding the audience of the existence of the stardrive and that the city is a ship, foreshadowing the eventual endgame of the show. Sheppard seems to perk up enough that McKay is forced to back-pedal some because while he thinks that with sufficient power he might be able to make the city fly, two ZPMs will not be nearly enough for that. But he does once more evince his superior knowledge of Sheppard. He knows what that man is about, he knows how to entice him.

We may note that this is the first that we see of McKay in the episode following him being left outside of the burned building and before the discovery of the bodies of what they think is Lorne's team, and here he seems completely unfazed. Especially when we compare him with Dr. Lindsay, whom Ronon and Teyla soon interrogate, he is positively unflappable. And neither Sheppard nor McKay are displaying their real emotions on the matter. Occupying himself with solving some problem or doing some work to distract himself is McKay's way of coping, and mentioning the flying city is McKay's attempt at comforting Sheppard, of being thoughtful toward his needs, but even in the role of team leader Sheppard should also be offering comfort to his team, especially since it could just as well have been them. The thought that it could have happened to them is on all of their minds. Weir seems to be the only one able to keep a cool head about any of it.

Sheppard: Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you the one the Genii threatened to kill on two separate occasions? Weir: He says he's alone and he's willing to be searched. Sheppard: Wait a minute. We should be dealing with Lorne and his team, find out what happened to them. Weir: Teyla and Ronon will continue with that investigation, and you can join them once you finish up with this.

We finally see Sheppard in a close-up shot and we may note that his "five o'clock" shade is darker than usual, indicating that he has skipped at least one of his usual shaves. Things have been happening in quick succession and it is unclear how much time has passed since we first saw them on the planet, but it is possible that he had been forced to skip grooming when they had first been called as re-enforcements for Lorne's team, having had to leave there on short notice. Sheppard also continues being cranky, we can hear it in his tone.

Sheppard mentions the Genii having threatened to kill Weir twice, and he very obviously says this to Weir in particular, looking pointedly at her, even though McKay has likewise been threatened by them twice (or actually Kolya had been careful not to threaten McKay's life during their second encounter, but he had been in trouble with them twice). This has nothing whatsoever to do with Sheppard not caring about what had happened to McKay, quite the contrary. He has to talk about what had happened to Weir because he cannot bring himself to even think about what had happened to McKay, what he had allowed to happen to McKay, what had almost come to pass. It was especially during the Genii raid of Atlantis that we saw Sheppard start using Weir as something that made it easier for him to mention McKay, whereby mentioning both of them helped him lessen the impact of what he was saying, using the less significant thing to conceal the more significant thing. Here, he is very much thinking about what had happened to McKay, that is motivating all of his decisions, and yet he is unable to talk about it, so he mentions the next best thing instead, referring to what had happened to her. Talking about what had happened to Weir allows Sheppard to maintain some emotional distance to the memories.

Furthermore, she is the one who has to make the call here and Sheppard is trying to sway her not to get in bed with the Genii because every time they have encountered them, the Genii have been bad news. He is trying to convince Weir to let this go, and not just because he thinks figuring out what had happened to Lorne's team is more important -- although he does think that too. Sheppard has too much on his plate to be worrying about this right now, and he is clearly prickly, we can hear the irritation in his tone. What is more, we have seen Sheppard do this before where he can talk to Weir in an unfriendly way but tries to avoid directing his anger or bad mood at McKay, as he does here -- which is not that different from McKay taking his negative feelings toward Sheppard out on the people working for him. They both try to spare the feelings of the other man, and this is another reason why he is only referring to Weir's experiences with the Genii and not both of theirs. It would be easy to assume Sheppard simply cares more about Weir if you did not understand how he thinks, how his fear of losing the man that he loves is such that he tries to repress it with all of his considerable ability.

Sheppard: Alright. Get a MALP ready with a life signs detector. I'm not sending my team in there blind.

Sheppard looks really uneasy as his arm is being twisted into agreeing with this when he clearly does not want to do this. He does not want to go through with this. He worries his lip as he frequently does when he is quelling powerfully negative emotions but here he looks extra perturbed, seeming to physically reject the notion of having to deal with the Genii, especially one that had been a part of the strike force that had tortured McKay and nearly killed him.

Sheppard finally looks up at McKay and speaks directly to him, seemingly having been avoiding that for most of this meeting. And we may note that here he tells McKay to do something when he so rarely gives him orders. Ordinarily, he would have couched it in different terms, perhaps saying something like "We should get a MALP ready with a life signs detector," and McKay would have been ready to comply with his need without question. But now he actually tells McKay what to do, he is trying to act as a responsible team leader because he has just been reminded of the responsibilities of leading a team and what is expected of him. And it is so infrequently that he does this that we see McKay look at him with concern. He can see that Sheppard is not alright.

Chuck: I'm getting telemetry back from the MALP. McKay: I'm only reading one life sign. Weir: Then so far he's telling the truth. Sheppard: So far. Ladon: As I'm sure your machine has already determined, I am unarmed and alone. You can go ahead and send your team to search me. Sheppard: Go ahead. Soldier: Yes, sir.

Here we note that while Sheppard had mentioned "his" team earlier, he was not referring to his very own team but now that he feels the weight of the responsibility of being a commander, he feels like all the men are his men, all the teams are his teams -- which of course has been true the whole time, he just hasn't had to acknowledge this fact most of the time, having tried to keep the crushing weight of the responsibility as an abstraction to himself. Lorne and his team are not the first men he has lost on this mission, but they were the first men he had picked for the command personally and so he feels a very personal responsibility for them, knows that he will have to go back to Earth and give his condolences to their families personally. And Sheppard never would have let his very own team go fetch Ladon anyway because, as we will see shortly, he is not allowing McKay anywhere near this man, at least not at first.

We see McKay turn to look at Sheppard while the grey-clad Genii soldier kneels down on the ground with his hands behind his head in supplication, and there may be something symbolic in this. The look in McKay's eyes, the way he is looking at Sheppard, there is supplication in his gaze as well. McKay looks up at him with such naked yearning, looks at him for a length time, and again Sheppard can only bring himself to glance at McKay briefly. Sheppard is in so much pain that he has completely shut himself off, most of all from the man that is at the root of every one of his fears. Losing McKay, McKay dying the way that he thinks Lorne and his team had died -- which he thinks had happened because of him and his negligence -- is his worst fear, and the only way Sheppard seems to be able to cope with it is pretending not to care, possibly even telling himself that he does not care. Toward the end of the episode, Sheppard tells Ladon that he is a lot of things but fine is not one of them. We can already see it here. It may be too subtle for most people to see but McKay knows him better than anyone, can normally read his thoughts easily off of his face. Now Sheppard is cold and has shut him out. McKay is more than a little concerned for the man that he loves.

Continued in Pt. 4

[hic-incipit]

𝙽𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙱𝙸𝙶 𝙼𝙰𝙳 → 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗; 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗

So, for those of you whom aren't subscribed to Christopher's Bubble OR whom haven't either heard and/or seen about the most recent Bubble antics recently on other forms of social media, the man decided to live out his K-Drama Fantasies on behalf of Chan Stans and Stay everywhere.

What exactly did he do, you ask? Well, to put it simply (and trust me, this is difficult because Chan is my bias) he broke up with us, tried to accuse us of cheating, but then admitted it was him who had been cheating to then admitting he was playing a simple joke on us and reassured us that he'd never want to do anything to hurt us (bless him, I swear). Who was it? It was Berry. Yes. His dog, Berry. 😒😂

I'm pretty sure non-Chan stans were convinced there was something actually wrong with him due to the number of Tiktoks and Fans posts I personally saw, however, us Chan-biased knew the man was full of shit and was most assuredly pulling some of his usual Chan-coded shenanigans.

𝙽𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙱𝙸𝙶 𝙼𝙰𝙳

It didn't matter what Chris did, how he said it, or why he did it. The simple fact still remained the same: you could never get mad at him.

→ Chris is the type of man that if asked, he'd likely do some crazy shit for the person he loves. Walk over hot coals? Sure. Dodge a few bullets? Yeah, no problem. Clean your shared living space, wash and fold laundry, put away dishes and cook dinner last minute? Of course.

→ But ask him to do something like, take out the trash? Well, fuck all of that.

→ And, truthfully, its not because he's incapable. He's exceedingly able to do said task. Its just...well...well he gets really hyper-focused on a task, especially a task he wants to do, it kind of--sort of--slips his mind.

→ And sure, the first few times he tells you this and flashes that thought-paralyzing smile, its suddenly not a big deal and you have no problem taking it out yourself.

→ However, the moment it goes from "a few times" to "too many times", you're suddenly finding yourself overcome with a rather new emotion. At least, when it comes to anything related to Chris.

→ You're big mad. Furious even. And its justifiable! Even Chris would agree with you. He's a grown ass man; he knows better.

→ However, the stars align and the universe conspires against you the morning you do ask him to take it out.

→ You're running late. You have an entirely packed work schedule. You slept for literal shit the night before. Your favorite pair of work pants weren't clean. You didn't have your favorite breakfast yogurt and you had to do mandatory overtime to top it all off.

→ So you ask Chris last minute as you're hastily packing up your work bag to take out the trash before you get home from work later that evening.

→ "Yeah, yeah, of course, beautiful! I'll take care of it." He promises and you believe him. Because in that moment, you don't have the time nor bandwidth to remember to question him about the other times he forgot. So, in your haste, you thank him and plant a kiss on his forehead before dashing out the door for work.

→ Well, see, Chris really did intend to do it. And he even wrote it down on a post-it note that he stuck to the monitor of his computer to remind him. But then he got distracted, watching Stay vlogs on Youtube. And then he got inspired by a mashup of Case 143 and God's Menu that a Stay had made, so he had to mess around in his studio.

→ Then suddenly it was 6:30pm. Chris is the literal physical embodiment of If You Give A Mouse A Cookie.

→ Chris hears the door open when you arrive home. And then the subsequent shout of his name. Okay, you're definitely not happy. He's also pretty sure he hears some slamming of somekind, maybe.

→ But it isn't until he hears your little feet stomping down the hall towards his studio door that he cannot help but find you the absolute cutest thing he's ever seen and heard than in this moment.

→ And lets be clear...Chris never invalidates you or dismisses you when you're upset. He just can't help but find it really fucking precious.

→ But you? Well, you're pissed. And you're determined to let his ass know. Because every other time you have been upset with him, he somehow disarms you completely and you immediately forget why you were mad in the first place.

→ Its damn near impossible to be mad at him. I mean, look at him. How can you get mad at that face? You can't, that's why.

→ Anticipating you, Chris is on the other side of his studio door just waiting. And as expected, he hears the all too familiar bang, bang, bang of your fist making contact with the door.

→ You do your best to strengthen your resolve. This time you're gonna give him the people's elbow and really let him have it. He just couldn't keep getting away with this. You know it. He knows it.

→ But that was before he'd opened his door. Well, after your little fists pounded his door, he promptly opened it and looked down at you. His head cocked to the side, one brow lifted as if he has absolutely no clue why you're standing there with your arms crossed, tapping your foot against the hardwood floor while wearing a really pathetic attempt at pure ire.

→ And you were so determined to proverbially throat punch the man, especially after the day you'd had (and to be fair, Chris probably would've let you literally throat punch him if he knew it would make you feel better). But once he opens the door and the scent of his studio and him bum rushes your nostrils, your eyes dart up to his and...and...

→ Well, god fucking damnit.

→ What were you even mad at him for? Why is he looking at you like you're some sort of damsel in distress? Why is he smiling? What's so funny?

→ "CHRISTOPHER!" Is all you can manage, your voice coming out in more of an exasperated whine and definitely not sounding any bit angry.

→ Chris stands there and mirrors you, crossing his arms and leans into the door jam with his head still cocked to the side. One of his dimples is showing and you just know he fucking knows. He knows why you're standing there. And he knows why you're upset. Or, well, you think he knows just based on the way he's looking at you like the cutest little creature he's ever seen.

→ You release your crossed arms, letting out a very audible huff through your nose as you do and you just stare at him. Blinking wildly, trying to find the resolve you knew you had about 60 seconds ago. But where it went, you haven't a fucking clue. Because he's standing there...just looking at you like you are the cutest little creature he's ever seen.

→ "Baby?" He finally responds. His voice is calm, suddenly soothing your rattled nerves. You let out yet another huff, but this time its a little less intense and you drop your shoulders.

→ "I hate you. You know that? I'm mad. I'm mad at...you!" You press your finger gently into his chest as you speak, "But...but I can't fucking remember why now because you're looking at me like that and...and...UGH!"

→ Chris knows you had a rough day. He doesn't even need to ask you to know it. He just feels it radiating off of you. So, he cocks his head to the opposite side as you stand there, trying to be mad about something and looking less and less like the raging bull you thought you did and more like a shrieking squirrel.

→ And Chris lets a beat of silence go between the both of you before he simply places each of his hands on either side of your arms and brings you close to him. You hear a soft sigh breach his lips before he leans in and presses a firm, but gentle kiss to your forehead.

→ Yeah, this fucker disarmed you with the forehead kiss this time. Damnit, damnit, damnit.

→ He leans back up, straightening himself upright before giving your arms a gentle squeeze. And he doesn't say anything. His arms fall back to his sides as he resumes his previous stance against the door jam. He's still smiling at you like you are the cutest little creature he's ever seen.

→ You let out one last sigh. Well, the man did it again. And you can't even be mad. Because I mean, look at him. Try being mad at him. Its impossible.

→ You give a shake of your head before spinning on your heels, heading back down the hall towards the kitchen. But you feel Chris' eyes are still on you. And you look back over your shoulder and yep, there those brown little boba eyes are, locked on you.

→ "I'm mad at you. So don't you dare stare at my ass as I walk away from you." You look forward again, but not before you place a hand on each butt cheek in a feeble attempt to block Chris' gaze.

→ And all you hear are his muffled giggles. His absolutely adorable, precious and cute giggles. Fucking shitbird.

[wobbbiy]

Could we be granted a piece of Marlow lore? If you're willing ofc :)

Thank you so much for asking about her! <3 I love the opportunity to explore her a bit. I don't know how much current bandwidth I have for editing the actual fic content I have for her to make it posting "ready". But, I will share some key things about her and if I do get inspiration (and people like her), I will see about posting bigger chunks of my tragic little spy's story.

[MAR-794] Marlow, of the Hidden.

Hidden Agent Profile ID: MAR-794 Name: "Marlow" Class: Hunter Subclass: Void (at some point this does switch to Stasis.) Race: Human Handler: AUN-326 Specialty: Eliksni reconnaissance, Early Retirement*

"Find thy self. Know thy self. Destroy thy self. Shed thy self. Embrace a new skin. Become the many. We are as unseen. We are as death."

Key Marlow things:

If it isn't clear, she is one of Ikora's Hidden Agents.

She is directly supervised by her mentor, Aunor, and as such takes on a lot of Aunor's traits (grumpy, ruthless) and beliefs (initially, anyway).

Her pre-Risen self was a gunslinging outlaw from the old western United States, before her ghost found her gravesite (yes this is possible, individuals from older cultures have been risen into Guardians). She isn't aware of her past self, but her current self prefers hand cannons (*cough* Last Word *cough*) and lever action scout rifles almost exclusively which is probably directly linked to her old self being comfortable with those kinds of weapons.

Her Ghost is named Ivy, and they are incredibly close.

Most of her story happens in the timeframe of the formation of House Salvation/Riis-Reborn and afterwards. She is an Eliksni reconnaissance expert. She was on the front lines in identifying and gathering intel about the start of Riis-Reborn.

Knew Variks was on Europa before he announced himself there, but was monitoring him.

She is fluent in understanding of written/spoken Eliksni language, and has a lot of reverence towards their culture. Because of this, her duties VERY often conflict with her own personal beliefs. (But remember, the Hidden vow essentially prohibits her from holding these kinds of personal values, so she doesn't make this known publicly but it is an internal struggle for her).

She is a VERY good spy. She is thorough and careful. She uses Void invisibility often as well to help aid in hiding her presence during reconnaissance ops.

Because she is supervised by Aunor (who is often tasked to dispatch "bad" Guardians), Marlow has a similar role in addition to the Eliksni spying.

[ DISCLAIMER: This is where MY head canons deviate from actual LORE, so stick with me a bit and understand that I KNOW it isn't canon. :) ]

Deviation begins HERE: In lore, Aunor does not kill Ghosts, but rather kills the Guardian and brings back the dead body and the Ghosts in captivity. My head canon is that there was a small span of time where the Hidden were actually directed to provide final deaths to Guardians (primarily when Darkness was initially being explored by Guardians in the form of Stasis and the VANGUARD panicked and Guardians were being corrupted). We know lore book authors are potentially biased at times especially in favor of the Vanguard looking good. So, this practice was kept under wraps. Aunor and Marlow sometimes had to dispatch Ghosts. It is a super shitty job that the Vanguard wants to keep extremely hidden as it does not look good for them. We already see how Aunor struggles to kill Guardians in the first place; but imagine how terrible of a job it would be to actually have to dispatch Ghosts...Yeah that's what I put Marlow through (sorry girly), I'm evil. Or rather, I just rlly hate the Vanguard.

*For Marlow, she isn't outright killing Guardians like Aunor does. What she is tasked with, however is to send "VERY strong messages" to those Guardians who the Vanguard/Ikora deem to be not deserving of light anymore but maybe don't qualify for a full-on assassination. Which means Marlow is tasked to kill Ghosts, rendering the Guardian lightless. This is what they refer to as "Early Retirements". (It's actually a sick practice, as many Guardians wish for final death after being rendered lightless and losing their Ghosts).

These assignments make Marlow take a very critical look into corruption of the Vanguard and the dehumanizing treatment that Hidden Agents have to subject themselves to once they take the vow (basically strips away your own identity/individuality and replaces it with group mentality). She is conflicted the entire time she is asked to dispatch Ghosts and also with how the Vanguard is handling the House Salvation conflict developing in Europa. It makes her physically ill to kill a Ghost.

She does have a tried-and-true method for getting a Ghost to emerge, while keeping the Guardian subdued but not killing them while she snags the Ghost. :[

A few other things she did in the short span of time around the time Eramis became a popsicle and House Salvation deserters evacuating, but before Kridis is hunted by us:

She ends up rebelling and disobeying (there's quite a bit that goes into this, but it's way too detailed). By doing so, she is quickly made a target herself. She killed the Hidden Agent that was sent after her, one of her own comrades.

She's on Europa at the time and is essentially pushed into Eliksni territory to escape the Hidden. She meets Namrask who helps hide her from Phylaks who's searching for a Guardian that was reported to be in the area (the fight between Marlow and the other Hidden Agent drew House Salvation attention).

She repays Namrask by raiding some ether stores the Vanguard had claimed. Embracing her new outlaw status.

Between the time Eramis is a popsicle, and in the time House Salvation deserters are evacuating she is pushed into an interaction with Kridis where Marlow does the Ireliis bow and isn't killed but ends up essentially a captive of Kridis. She confiscated Marlow's Ghost but protects Marlow from the Hidden within Riis-Reborn. Now in some coerced alliance, Marlow worked for Kridis for a bit until the Young Wolf kills Kridis (Marlow's recaptured and in Ikora's custody).

I thought it would be interesting to have a Guardian be "used" as an asset for House Salvation, so exploring that through Marlow. But, poor Marlow...I really put her through a lot and she's really a good person. I tend to like really complex, tragic characters that are forced to do things that go against their own personal morals. I think it creates a pretty interesting internal dynamic as well as leads to some interesting choices from them.

[nixcraft]

Do you need to keep track of the network traffic (bandwidth) usage for the Network interface controller (NIC) of your Debian Linux-based cloud or bare metal server? Look no forward. Try the vnStat, a free and open-source console-based network traffic monitor that keeps a log of 5-minute intervals, hourly, daily, monthly, and yearly network traffic for the selected interface. Once installed, vnStat can be used even without root permissions on most systems.

[beardedmrbean]

The Syrian Observatory for Human Rights war monitor said more than 1,000 people have died in the violence since Thursday, most of them civilians killed by security forces and allied groups in the heartland of the Alawite minority of deposed president Bashar al-Assad.

The Observatory said those killed included at least 745 civilians, 125 members of the Syrian security forces and 148 fighters loyal to Assad.

“This is the first mass killing since the toppling of Assad four months ago, which really is exceptional knowing the weight of the civil war and 54 years of dictatorship,” said FRANCE 24’s terrorism expert Wassim Nasr.

“It is also the first coordinated attack by remnants of the Assad regime: 81 attacks on 32 sites on the coastal area of Latakié, with targets including hospitals, police stations and checkpoints,” Nasr added.

It was the worst violence to hit Syria since the fall of Assad's regime in December.

Interim President Ahmed al-Sharaa, whose Islamist group led the offensive that toppled Assad, had vowed to "hold accountable, firmly and without leniency, anyone who was involved in the bloodshed of civilians".

"There will be no one above the law and anyone whose hands have been stained with the blood of Syrians will face justice sooner or later," he said.

“Al-Sharaa is caught between two fires,” said Nasr. “On the one hand, the most radical in his own ranks who resent the amnesty he granted former regime soldiers, and on the other, those who really want to turn the page.”

“Al-Sharaa has promised to bring those responsible to court – both those who defied the authorities and those who abused their position within the state, which means acknowledging that some of his men were responsible,” noted Nasr.

“It is very significant that Western leaders have urged al-Sharaa to find and prosecute those responsible, and not blamed him for the killings,” added Nasr.

Syria's defence ministry announced on Monday the end of a major security operation in coastal provinces after days of violence. In a statement on official news agency SANA, defence ministry spokesman Hassan Abdul Ghani said security forces had neutralised security threats and "regime remnants" in Latakia and Tartus provinces on the Mediterranean coast.

The violence poses a major threat to the governmental transition, with mass killings of civilians throwing into doubt the new authorities' ability to govern.

"The militia chaos that we saw in the Alawite coastal cities tells us ... that the New Syrian Army is not in control," said Joshua Landis, an expert on Syria at the University of Oklahoma.

The violence, he added, "will hinder [interim president] Ahmed al-Sharaa's efforts to consolidate his rule and to convince the international community that he is in control and can rein in the many militias that are supposed to be under his command".

'Cycle of violence'

Sharaa, who led the Islamist group Hayat Tahrir al-Sham (HTS) that spearheaded the lightning offensive that toppled Assad, has called for "national unity [and] civil peace" to be preserved.

"God willing, we will be able to live together in this country," he said.

He also vowed the new authorities would not "allow any foreign powers or domestic parties to drag it (Syria) into chaos or civil war". 

HTS has its roots in the Syrian branch of al Qaeda and remains proscribed as a terrorist organisation by many governments including the United States.

The presidency has announced the creation of an "independent committee" to "investigate the violations against civilians and identify those responsible for them", who would face the courts.

Heiko Wimmen of the International Crisis Group think tank said the latest violence indicated that the new administration "lacks bandwidth to deal with multiple challenges simultaneously".

The coastal region had seen repeated incidents of violence since Assad was toppled, with multiple kidnappings and shootings reported.

Wimmen said that while the latest events "do not yet pose a strategic challenge", they "may have the capacity to entrap the new rulers in a sustained cycle of violence that has the potential to become very destabilising".

Landis said that Alawite opposition "is not organised or united", but after "indiscriminate killings and widespread looting of Alawite neighbourhoods ... the situation will harden".

'Beyond control'

Since coming to power, Sharaa and the new administration have engaged in top-level contacts with foreign powers, pledging repeatedly to protect Syria's ethnic and religious minorities.

But Aron Lund of the Century International think tank said the new government "is weak and hostage to forces beyond its control".

"It needs to play nice with the international community, but it also needs to keep its Islamist base on side," he added.

Western countries, including the United States, condemned the violence, calling on the authorities to put a stop to the killings.

Lund warned that while "the clashes will probably peter out ... there's a risk that it will just set the scene for the next escalation".

"The new Damascus leadership has called for restraint and warned against sectarianism, and that's good," he said.

"The problem is that these moderate talking points do not seem to have filtered out far into the ex-rebel factions that are now supposed to function as Syria's army and police."

The new authorities face other security challenges, with the north gripped by fighting between the Kurdish-led Syrian Democratic Forces and pro-Turkish factions.

In the south, Druze factions have held fast to their weapons after calls to disarm, and Israel has vowed to protect them.

As Sharaa seeks to placate fears among minorities and the wider world, the killings of civilians on sectarian grounds are only likely to further exacerbate them.

According to Landis, "the Kurds, Druze and other minorities will not trust his words that his government respects all elements of the Syrian people and will treat them equally".

[vibratingskull]

I am so wildly soft for the way you write Thrawn and especially your fics that revolve around his growing family! I particularly loved your most recent piece about his pregnant wife while stranded on the planet with the Chimaera crew. If you’re interested and have the bandwidth, I would love to make a request because I am so in love with this little AU that you’ve created and I’d love your thoughts on this. How would Thrawn react when his wife goes in to labor and they have to give birth on the remote planet? He specifically mentioned not having a lot of access to proper equipment, so I’m so curious if you think he’d be more cool, calm, and collected, or if you think he might panic and worry a bit more at seeing his beloved in so much pain? Especially if it’s a surprise they’re twins 🙈 Thank you so much for sharing all of your wonderful writing with the rest of us Thrawn Lovers 💙

I bow down to you, my dear. It is my pleasure to share my silly stories with you all! Big kiss on your cheek ❤️

Tag: Delivery, death of a character

You deeply breathe through your nose, holding your back.

It is time.

The Force is calling for you, murmuring to you time has come.

You are not stressed in the slightest, you’ve already given birth and the Force is here to support you, everything is gonna be fine.

You know it deep down your bones.

“Sweetheart,” You catch your daughter’s attention, “Could you go find your father for me, please?”

“Why?” She asks, barely raising her head from the wooden figurines Enoch so nicely carved for her.

“Your siblings are coming.” You rise from your seat and sigh.

She looks up at you in shock before jumping on her feet and sprinting through the corridors of  the Chimaera.

“Daaaaaaaaad!” You hear her screams from the depths of her lungs.

You can’t help but chuckle, she’s impossible sometimes.

You calmly walk through the corridors towards the med bay, until you cross path with Enoch focused on his datapad.

“Good day milady.”

“Oh, it will be good, Captain.”

“Why?” He finally raises his helmeted head from the screen.

“My waters just broke.” You chuckle

He remains still for a second, taking in the info before immediately putting down his datapad and offering you his arms as support.

“Are you alright?” He asks worriedly.

“I am very well, thank you.” You smile, amused by his distress.

He escorts you to the med bay and orders the droids around. You peacefully lay down the bed, taking deep breaths in as the droids start plugging their monitors and prepare the transfusions. You see Enoch agitating himself with his comlink, getting annoyed by anyone he has on the other side.

“I don’t care if you have orders, find him and tell him his wife is giving birth! Now!” He shouts.

You place your feet in the stirrups and wait for the morphine to kick in.

Everything around you is messy with agitation, but you feel very relaxed and calm. Your babies give you a hard kick in the stomach, making you groan in pain.

“Is everything alright?” Enoch asks.

You can’t imagine what Thrawn would do to him if something went wrong under his care, you understand his stress.

“It’s okay, Enoch. Just a kick.”

He seems completely out of his element right now, you can imagine his distressed face under his helmet right now, making you chuckle. He’s more used to death than birth, the poor man.

“Mom!” Your daughter bursts through the door, out of breath.

“Sweetheart, did you find your father?” You gently ask.

“I am here, Cha’cah.” Thrawn appears behind her. “Is everything alright, my love?” He immediately comes to your side, seizing your hand in his.

“I am well, do not worry.” You smile at him “You want to feel them?” You place his hand on your tummy to feel the kicks.

His shoulders seem to relax instantly.

“They are so energetic.” He sighs.

“Yes. Soon you will meet them.” 

He looks at you with love and adoration in his eyes while your daughter just looks worried.

“You are shining, cha’cah.”

“It’s because I am happy. Our family is growing, love. I have a present for you.”

“You giving birth is enough of a present for me.” He purrs.

“You’ll see.” You wink.

He leans in to kiss your forehead and you feel a hard contraction in your core.

“Oof…”

“Enoch, take Thiroy outside.” Thrawn orders.

Enoch takes your daughter's hand and escorts her outside the med bay.

The droids place themself around you, monitoring your vitals while Thrawn leans to circle your shoulders with his arm.

“Alright, cha’cah. You got this.” He supports you.

“Of course I got this, I am a Jedi.” You clap back.

You hear again the Force gently calling for you.

You got this!

“Heartbeat rising.” Note one of the droids. “You are dilated, we can proceed.”

You take the iron bars in your hand, ready for the pain to explode any minute now. The contractions get closer and closer, more and more painful each time but you are ready.

Pain suddenly explodes in your stomach, you feel a mass starting to go down, slowly pushing your entrails out of the way. You cry in pain but push with all your might.

“Here we go!” Says one of the droids.

You’re a jedi. You’re a warrior. You’ve already done this, you can do it again!

You grip the iron bars in your fists as you push. As you stop to take your breath back one of the droids takes out a towel under your legs soaked with blood to dispose of it.

“Heartbeat rising.” The second one reiterates.

You grit your teeth and push hard. Even with the morphine this is so painful.  You can’t receive a normal dosage to preserve the Chimaera’s stock of the rare drug. Your lighter dosage can’t keep the pain at bay, just slowly numb your nerves. An epidural is unfortunately impossible in your situation, you’ll have to do without.

Thrawn presses a fresh towel on your forehead to mop the sweat, you weakly smile at him before the contraction starts again. The droid takes out another towel soaked with blood while the other seems to agitate himself.

“There is the head!” it chants.

Thrawn kisses your cheek and heads towards your feet to welcome your baby. His face instantly hardens and he looks concerned.

“Is that normal?” He asks.

“What? Is the baby okay?” You ask between pushes.

“The baby is fine, Cha’cah. Keep pushing, you are doing great, love.” He comforts you.

But you can clearly see his worried expression.

It's harder than you remember.

“We don’t have the proper equipment to assure a safe delivery, my Lord.” The droid answers back. “We will do everything we can.”

You’re in so much pain.

Thrawn gives it a black look before turning to you with hopes in his eyes.

“Their head is out, love. Keep pushing, you are almost there.” 

You push with a powerful scream, determined to deliver a healthy baby.

You let yourself fall on the pillow as you hear a baby scream, you look between your legs to see Thrawn holding a blue baby in his hand, looking at them with so much love. The droid gives him a blade to cut the cord and he comes to you to show your little miracle.

“Hey…” You say to your baby, exhausted beyond measure.

“It is a boy.” Thrawn purrs, presenting you with your son.

“Oh Maker…” You just mumble, already feeling love puffing up your heart, “My baby boy…”

But your relief is short lived as the second one is ready to come up, tearing you apart.

“We have a second one.” The droid places itself immediately ready to receive them in its mechanical arms.

“A second…” Thrawns starts before turning to you with sparkling eyes.

“Surprise!” You weakly exclaim through the pain.

“Oh Maker, Cha’cah. Two children?”

“Are you happy?” You groan between contractions.

“I am the happiest man alive!” He presses his forehead with yours, purring deeply.

The second droid comes to take your baby to examine him while the other keeps monitoring you while getting rid of another soaked towel to place another one. Thrawn comes next to it and his expression worsens.

You don’t have time to worry about anything as your baby is determined to come out NOW!.

You push with your last strength, feeling the blood running down your legs.

Maker, this is so painful.

This is a real trial.

“Continue, Cha’cah. I am here with you, nothing can go wrong.”

Hearing your husband’s voice is so reassuring and gives you more strength.

You can’t wait to meet your other baby, you want them in your arms now!

The droid takes out another bloody towel. Your head is very light and you feel really, really tired. You can’t wait for it to be over.

“Do not close your eyes, Cha’cah. Stay with me!” Thrawn orders. Is that worry in his tone?

But you’re so tired, your eyes close themself.

You feel your grips on the bars loosening as you doze off.

“Are they here yet?” You ask with a little voice.

“Not yet, Cha’cah. Please stay with me.”

You sigh, exhausted. Between your half-closed eyelids you see another towel getting thrown off.

That’s a lot of blood, you think, amused.

“I am so… sleepy…” You murmur

Despite the atrocious pain, slumber is taking you.

“No, Cha’cah, stay with me. You hear me? Stay with me! Thiroy is waiting for you! Stay with-”

You don’t hear the end of that sentence, losing consciousness, following the Force’s call.

--------------------------------------------------

Thrawn stands still, stiff like stone, Thiroy in tears next to him. He gently caresses her head with his large hand, trying to console her.

But how consoling a child who lost their mother?

He leans forward to place a flower in your cold hands, a last present before closing the coffin. Thiroy presses herself against his leg, soaking his pants with her tears, he kneels and hug her, murmuring sweet nothing in her ears to appease her pain. She circles his neck and cries in the crook of his neck.

Everyone remains silent.

Everyone is here for your funerals, all the officers and stormtroopers behind their Grand Admiral, paying homage to the woman who kept their leader grounded in reality, who carried all their hope. You were never popular among them as a Jedi, but all wanted to be present to support their Admiral and his family through these hard times. All know this could have been any of the women pregnant in this room, this exile really propulsed them in their hardest trial, but it had to be you. The one keeping Thrawn sane.

They are all very conscious that something broke within him that day, a light has been extinguished in his eyes to let place to a more cold and calculated personality, with less regards for the lives under his care. The last remnants of his mercy seem to have definitively disappeared forever.

When the coffin is sealed the troops bow respectfully to their Lady, a final mark of respect for the warrior that you were. 

Thrawn remains eerily silent, with a very calm and composed expression it looks like he just buried a nobody. None is able to see the storm raging in his inner being. None could appease his solitude. He just lost the most precious being in his life, the one who gave him three children to brighten his existence.

But you are not here anymore.

And he is just an empty shell, the shadow of the Grand man he once was. 

Now stands a broken, merciless man. 

Is sanity is on the verge of collapsing, the only thing keeping him here is his three children, his three jewels, his three treasures.

He will let nothing harm them.

He failed you, but he won’t fail his children. No matter the cost, no matter the number of lives he has to sacrifice, he will keep them safe!

The ceremony ended, the hall is slowly emptying itself in a death silence. Nobody utters a word, to not make him snap.

Thrawn kisses the forehead of Thiroy and let her to her nanny, despite her cries to stay with him. He silently heads towards the nursery where is two baby boys are waiting.

You didn’t even have time to give them names…

He chose a variation of your own name, to always remember you.

Like he could ever forget his true love.

They are peacefully sleeping, unaware of the distress around them. He takes their little hands in his, squeezing them gently. They coo in response. They are so full of life. He looks at his second born, the one he also almost lost when you died with a smile on your face.

He was this close to lose both his wife and child.

But the med droids managed to save him, it’s the only reason he didn’t destroy them right there and here in a fit of rage and pain.

They couldn’t even save your life, what good are they for?

But they could save the life of someone else like they saved his son. So he didn’t destroy them.

He deeply inhales and kneels before the bassinets, breaking down crying.

He couldn’t let his daughter see him in this state, so he waited.

But now that he is alone, he lets all his bottled up emotions go free.

With his sons for only witnesses.

@bluechiss @thrawnalani @justanothersadperson93 @al-astakbar @thrawnspetgoose @readinglistfics @elise2174 @debonaire-princess @twilekchiss @pencil-urchin @ineedazeezee @mssbridgerton @dance-like-russia-isnt-watching @Cortisolcosplay

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[turtlecleric]

for the honesty hour tinggg — what is one of the biggest life lessons that has made you who you are today? (ie you think about it daily)

Keisha coming in with the hard questions. I love it. (And I love YOU!) This got a little long. Maybe it only feels long because I'm on mobile, but I'll put it under a cut just to be safe.

A lesson I think about daily would be that everyone acts like they do for a reason. Like, people's past experiences have shaped them, and everyone has a whole life they're living that not everyone else is privy to. So even if it's not clear WHY they're behaving a certain way, there is still a reason for their behavior. I notice it in myself a lot, where I'll do something and be able to pinpoint the reason I do that, and that reason isn't necessarily obvious. Others might perceive my behavior as odd because they don't have the context that I do. Knowing this helps me to be kinder and more patient with others, I think, because I try my best to give people the benefit of the doubt. I don't always succeed at this, and sometimes it's nice just to vent or complain a little, but in my heart it helps me to not get so worked up over things and it helps me to give grace to others easier.

For example, if someone does something rude I might be offended, annoyed, etc. But then I try to think about the fact that we all know so very little about the others around us. Maybe they didn't understand the expectations well. Maybe they have trauma around the situation. Maybe they've always acted that way and no one has ever said anything. Maybe it's a defense mechanism. Maybe they had an emergency that wasn't apparent to me and their behavior felt appropriate to them in that situation. Maybe they're going through something right now and they're hanging on by a thread and they just don't have the mental bandwidth available to monitor themselves like they should. Maybe they don't even know how else to act. And so on.

That person speeding and passing me might have diarrhea and really need to get to a bathroom! The kid with a bad attitude might've gotten no sleep because their parents kept them up all night with their fighting! The person making a comment that feels rude might not have meant it that way at all and might not even realize it was rude! We just don't know. So I try to be kind (key word: try), because I don't know. I don't know what they're thinking, what they've been through, what they're going through right now. And I hope others do the same for me, because even though there are people that are mean and malicious and hateful on purpose... I feel like most of us are just doing the best we can with what we have.

I hope I actually answered the question. Felt like I sort of rambled 😅 thank you for the ask dear! 💕