#barely any sheri either

[shepherds-of-haven]

in a high school/anime slice of life au, what would the ros do for valentines day? and i don't mean what would they do for a date, i mean who's making homemade chocolates for their crush and confessing on the day of, who's ignoring the whole thing, who's returning the favor on white day??

Ooh, interesting question!

(For those not familiar, in Japan (and therefore in slice-of-life anime), Valentine's Day is typically when girls give chocolate/sweets either as giri chocolate (obligation/courtesy gifts) or honmei (gifts intended to be received as a romantic gesture), and on White Day one month later, boys are supposed to repay or return the gifts they received on Valentine's Day back to the girls, sometimes with the thought that their 'return gift' should be 2-3x the value of the original.)

As for how the characters would react if they were in this kind of slice-of-life high school anime AU...

Blade: he would be so indifferent to these holidays lol I'm not even completely sure he would be aware they existed? He'd certainly reject any gifts he received from people he didn't know, and he'd "return" the gesture on White Day with the absolute bare minimum (like a little store-bought bag of chocolates) because his mom forced him to or something

Trouble: "oh damn, I love chocolate! Thanks!" :D

*completely oblivious that this gesture could be anything but friendly, inadvertently and ruthlessly crushing the hopes of several admirers*

He'd attempt to bake his own chocolates at home for White Day, but they'd end up looking so nasty and mutilated-looking, like

They'd actually taste decent, though!!

Tallys: she would bake elegant little cookies or brownies purely as courtesy or giri gifts for all of her friends, of all genders, but she might secretly slip in something special (like a heart-shaped cookie) into the bag of the person she secretly had a crush on! No one would ever know, though!

Shery: she would make the CUTEST cookies and chocolates in little pastel-wrapped baggies for all of her girlfriends 🥹 She'll give some to the boys too, but it's more like a "oh I just had so many left over, please enjoy 🥰" because it's the female friendships in high school she'd treasure the most, and she wouldn't want any boys to get the wrong idea!! These gifts would be so perfect that they'd be the envy of all who saw them!

Riel: he wouldn't pay any attention to the holiday whatsoever (until he got a box of chocolates from some hopeful first-year and brutally rejected them out-of-hand so as not to waste anyone's time...) He gives off an intimidating aura, but would actually really appreciate receiving little candies and sweets and things as giri choco from people like Tallys or Shery because he LOVES sugar, so he would use these as fuel for his late-night cram sessions! 👓 For White Day, he'd buy them expensive, thoughtfully-chosen white-gold jewelry, because Riel Syndran ALWAYS surpasses expectations!!! If you give him a gift he'll return it six-fold, not just two or three times in value!!!

Chase: realistically, he'd probably be swamped with gifts on Valentine's Day and bombarded with all kinds of confessions, and he'd probably indiscriminately accept each and every one of them with a big grin and an easygoing demeanor that would just make more and more people feel like it's safe to confess to him because he seems so receptive to it! Realistically, though, he could be ambling down the hall loaded up with flowers and chocolate and see someone like crying in a nook because they got rejected (like by Blade or Riel lol), and he'd stop to have a chat with them and would probably hand them a bouquet of flowers, like "Here, I don't need it! Cheer up!" --Inadvertently winning himself yet another heart. I think he would sincerely appreciate and enjoy the gestures, but the materials themselves wouldn't, like, mean anything to him specifically, if that makes any sense. Ironically he'd probably treasure even giri chocolate from close friends way more than romantic honmei from near-strangers, and his reaction to the gifts from friends would be markedly different and more excitable (usually for trolling purposes, but also sincere enthusiasm). Like getting chocolate from a random admirer would be like "Oh, thanks so much, I appreciate it! :)" whereas getting some chocolate from Briony or Trouble or Blade would be really dramatic and embarrassing, like "REALLY??? YOU MADE THIS FOR ME??? 🥹🥹 I DIDN'T KNOW YOU LOVED ME SO MUCH 🥹🥹 Ahhhh I knew you had a soft spot for me~~~ I'm so happy right now~~~ 🥰❤️"

For White Day, I feel like he'd just pretend he "forgot" about the holiday to dodge having to show favoritism to any one admirer/suitor, lol, so none of his romantic pursuers would get anything--but somehow he'd get away with it due to his 'lovable scamp' reputation! He'd probably treat his friends to dinner or something to repay them for their giri chocolate, though!

Red: Like Chase, he would politely accept each and every Valentine's Day gift offered to him, regardless of its implicit meaning, which inevitably would lead to all sorts of messy romantic entanglements and misunderstandings that Pan and Neon would give him hell over. "Why the hell did you accept chocolate from that girl if she said she likes you??" "Well, she made it herself, it seemed rude to just reject it..." "BUT NOW SHE THINKS YOU'RE DATING, AND SO DOES THE OTHER ONE WHO GAVE YOU CHOCOLATE" "yeah I'll probably have to clarify at some point..." "SOME POINT"

He's very conscientious about returning the gesture on White Day, though he tries to be as "neutral" about it as possible (i.e. getting everyone the same generic gift en masse) so as to avoid the situations he got himself into last month! (coward)

Ayla: YAWN, Valentine's Day is just a capitalist holiday designed to sell candy and sugar!! She's not the biggest fan of sweets, so she's whatever about this holiday and White Day. You're definitely not going to catch her dead preparing or giving anyone stupid chocolates... What a waste of time!! So cringey!!

But she is curiously a bit more clingy towards her gal pals on this day and is like "can't we just go to dinner/have a sleepover, just us, and forget about all this? 😒"--leading to some to suspect that it all might make her feel a bit insecure, worrying that her precious friends are going to get into relationships or fall in love or receive admirer's chocolate and and leave her behind!!

Briony: THIS IS HER FAVORITE THING EVER, she's so excited about this holiday!!! She might be the only one in the entire group who would consider using Valentine's Day as a way of expressing her feelings or confessing her crush to the object of her affections by making them a special gift... it would look a good deal shabbier and more homemade than Shery or Tallys or Lavinet's offerings--she couldn't temper the chocolate to make it shiny, so it looks a bit dull and claggy--but the heart is definitely there!! Whether or not she actually has a crush on anyone, though, she's going to go all-out and make as many gifts for her friends and classmates to show her appreciation and love towards them as well! She'd be the classroom's little Valentine's Day fairy, floating around and trying to spread Valentine's cheer!

"Riel, aren't you going to wear a heart pin on your lapel, the class rep passed them out so we could celebrate--"

"No"

"But--"

"Purposefully make a hole in my blazer? Are you insane? The colors don't even match"

"But it's Valentine's Day! 🥺"

Lavinet: huhuhu, this holiday is her time to bask in the attention, because she inevitably gets a lot of gifts and chocolates from admirers every year! 😎 However, she'll only buy expensive, elegant chocolates for her friends (she won't make them herself) and then she'll wait and see what the object of her affection does on that day. She doesn't want to chase too hard or obviously!!! If the crush does something nice for her (even though Valentine's Day is traditionally when she should offer a gift), then she might whip out a very sleek, wrapped gift and carelessly say something like, "I saw this and thought of you! (AKA Don't read too much into it!)" But, of course, him being the only person to receive such a gift from her would be a sign in and of itself...

If he doesn't do anything worthy of her gift that day, she keeps it for herself and eats it without ever telling anyone it existed in the first place LOL

Halek: he probably skips school that day because he overslept and just decided the day was a lost cause, so he successfully dodges both Valentine's Day and White Day. 😂 If he doesn't, he makes the most badass, haute-couture, gastro-molecular confections and treats, is eager to show them off to as many of his friends and classmates as possible, then overthinks it because someone (Naolin) is like "Are you sure you want to give that to so-and-so, the level of attention and detail you put into that might give them the wrong idea of your intentions..." So then he ends up only giving it to, like, Trouble, who as the safest option is like "DUDE THIS IS SICK" and then scarfs it down without appreciating the artistry of it 😭😭 Meanwhile Chase is still like "do... do you have a crush on Trouble??" Red: "yeah there were gelee pearls on top of that handmade profiterole, he definitely does"

[road-breakin-slasher]

~Chapter 13 - A Lot Of Time Has Passed...~

"For several months, and I feel... Alone.

After Sasha left three weeks ago, I felt destroyed. It's my fault I made that stupid decision. Besides, she did call me 'stupid.' I'm stupid. And now I'm all alone. Even if I still have friends here in Wonderville.

I dunno. I'm lovesick.

'Billi? Are you inside? A lot of us have been worried. We haven't seen you around since Sasha left,' said outside with a worry tone, that voice is Pinkfong.

I haven't wrote any letters to my aunt Sheri. Even if she sent letters to me, I just didn't reply back.

'Billi? Billi,' still called Pinkfong.

Then Pinkfong just left. I couldn't answer.

My house has become lonely, and lonely... I barely went outside just to pick fruits. They're enough to keep me around.

I still wish for Sasha.

Nearly three months since Sasha left. Man, time has passed. A lot of time has passed. I barely hung out with anyone, at least to comfort me for my loss.

I dunno, either. I can't move on.

I was just sitting on a rock, that same rock me and Sasha sat on after that hide-n-seek cheating moment, under the orange sky as the sun is close to winding down. And I'm listening to the song Hogi found it for me a week ago.

Hogi suddenly came to me... 'Hey, Billi?' Hogi said.

'Huh? Oh. Hi, Hogi...' I replied.

'I see you've been listening to that song I shared to you over and over again. You must have missed Sasha,' he added.

'Yeah...' I answered, with such sadness.

'I'm sorry, Billi, after what happened between you two months ago,' Hogi replied. 'Is there anything I could help?' He asked.

'I don't think so, Hogi,' I answered. 'But, thanks for stopping by,' I added.

'Okay... See you around, Billi,' Hogi said, and he just left.

I heard Pinkfong's WonderCar stopped by, and I thought initially that Hogi jumped in and they left, which they did...

...But what I didn't know is someone actually came by to me... And said with a familiar voice...

'Billi?'

That voice... It sounds familiar. And I turned around and...

...Sasha! In worry face.

Sasha returned to Wonderville! It was a surprise I never expected. I thought she'll never see me again.

'Sasha?' I said. 'But, I thought...'

'Billi, there are so many things that I should tell you when I was away...' Sasha replied.

'I left because of that feeling I was having. I just didn't understand what that meant. It couldn't go,' she added. 'Three weeks ago, I actually went to Silly Wilds Forest, to see your aunt and talked about you and your recent action...'

Three weeks ago... Sasha went to my aunt's home and meet her there... to talk in private.

Sasha knocked. 'Miss Sheri? Are you home? It's me, Sasha.'

Tiya Sheri then opened the door. 'Oh, Sasha. You came. And alone. What's bringing you here?' Tiya asked.

'Can I talk to you in private?' Asked Sasha.

'Hmm. This must be serious. Okay, sure. Come in,' Tiya Sheri said and let Sasha entered.

While she was sitting with tea on table, tiya was bringing her favorite treat she gave her back when she first visits there.

'Sasha. Is there something you want to say?' Asked Aunt Sheri.

'Yeah. It's about your nephew,' she replied.

'Billi? Oh, is something wrong with him? Is he sick? I'm worried about him,' she added.

'No! No. He's fine. He wasn't sick,' Sasha said.

'Oh, thank goodness. My favorite nephew is alright. How lovely,' Aunt Sheri said.

'It's just... He showed me his weird side of him in front of me. When I arrived back at my house at Wonderville, I caught him kissed at my picture,' Sasha said.

Tiya Sheri, shocked in dull surprise.

'I was starting to think, 'what has Billi doing? Is he trying to get close to me? To touch me? To the point that I feel uncomfortable?' I don't know. I'm having a weird feeling, too, after he cared so much about me. It's too much. I don't know if I could handle it. He's just...rude. I couldn't stop thinking him of bad things,' Sasha explained.

Aunt Sheri, sighed in disbelief, suddenly smiles.

'You know, he talked to me so much about you when you were all here, Sasha. He really did. He told me he's secretly in love with you. It's true. He wants to share you his true feelings just as much as you share your feelings as a friend. He's simply scared at trying. He was hoping he would tell you at the right time... To say how much he loves you,' explained Aunt Sheri.

Sasha, by her surprise, couldn't believe about what tiya said.

'Yes. He's in love with you, Sasha. He's been wanting to be with you, somewhere only you two know, and said to you: 'Sasha, I love you'.' Tiya added.

Sasha, feeling disappointed, never believed that I've been wanting to say 'I love you' in front of her.

'I... Didn't know. I'm really sorry for him... I didn't see him through it. Why he didn't tell me that?' Sasha wondered.

'He's simply scared you might reject him. You must've rejected him, must you not?' Aunt Sheri said.

'I did... From being friends. So I left. But the feeling I am having wouldn't go since I boarded the bus. So I must finally find an answer by visiting you, tiya,' said Sasha. 'Perhaps... I regret what I did and said to him when I left him. After everything he's been through for me. I should've asked him when he was hiding his feelings when he looked at me,' said Sasha. She's suddenly in tears.

'You know, you should go back and talk to him. Let him finally express his feelings for you. You might feel him the same way as he did after you two been through. After all, we could have a daughter-in-law like you welcomed in our family,' Aunt Sheri said, and Sasha giggled about it.

'Okay... Mama Sheri. I'll go back and talk to him later,' Sasha said, finally considered her as her mother.

After everything she explained to me, I just couldn't believe...

'After all the discussions I did with your aunt, I asked if she could showed me all of your letters mentioning me. She willingly showed them to me. When I read them, I was... Shocked and heart-felted. And one of your letter reads: 'Tiya, when I'm brave enough, I will tell Sasha 'I love you' in front of her at the right place and at the right time.' Billi... You're really serious when it's about me,' she said.

'Wow, Sasha... I don't know... I don't know what to say,' I added.

'Billi, before I left, I actually talked to Coco about this weird feeling I've been having after you kissed my photo, Coco recommended me to try take my time to understand this feeling... Maybe talk to you why you did that, which is what your aunt also said. I don't know, though. Though I was the one decided to leave you... Because of that... Hoped to find myself some comfort to cool off this feeling, but... It wouldn't go. That's why I went to your aunt. So if Patt told you he didn't know where I went or if did Coco walked with me, that means it was our private, girls-only talk. Patt didn't know of this,' Sasha added.

'Sasha...' I said.

'I'm sorry, Billi,' she said, 'for what I said and for leaving you. I can see why you were scared about telling me and I rejected you.'

'Sasha...' I said. 'I think it's time I wanna say-'

'No,' Sasha quickly said. I thought she finally rejected me. 'Let ME answer it to you.'

She approached to me, grabbed me, and...

...Finally. She kissed me. On the lips.

Finally expressed our feelings, I grabbed her, too. Enjoying our kissing.

We ended our long kiss. And she said, 'I love you, too.'

I'm finally having tears of joy. She accepted me. To be the love of her life. Just as much I want her to be my love in my life. We kissed again and we hugged under the setting sun.

'Heeeheeeheeh... Aww, you two look so cute that way!' Said Pinkfong.

We're surprised! 'Pinkfong! Hogi! How long have you two been here?' I asked.

'Hahahahah. We've been invisible behind the background the whole time! Heeheeheeh. Actually, Sasha came back to us first just before we started looking for you. She seemed sorry about you for the last time,' said Pinkfong.

'Wow,' I said.

'I wish I could do the similar thing you two did... With Hogi...' Said Pinkfong with a grin.

'Pinkfong!' Said nervous Hogi.

'Hahahahah! Just kidding, Hogi! I'm just glad to have you as my best friend!' Said Pinkfong.

We then simply enjoy the sunset. It was beautiful. Especially seeing Sasha again, smiling under the orange sun.

Gosh, I'm finally happy. Seeing Sasha came back, we're together again. Now, more than ever."

[sweetesthaaze]

The only good things about 13RW season 2 was Alex and Zach’s growing friendship, watching Justin and Clay be there for each other, Clay’s family adopting Justin, and the little snippet of Jeff we got. Everything else completely missed the point and was bullshit. Especially THAT scene (you know what I’m talking about) which was completely unnecessary and inappropriate. This is where I stop watching.

[annaliss17]

Ani Is The Biggest Mary Sue Since The Invetion Of The Term.

Prepare for quite a long rant peppered with heavy sarcasm and spoilers. This is also posted on reddit.

In S3 we see Hannah Baker replaced as main character with Ani Achola. Now, before I start to get into this I want to make very clear the fact that I hold nothing against her skin color or gender and neither the actress who plays the character. I just hate her for her. Here's why:

1) Not even a couple of minutes into the show, in her case into the shool, and she suddenly is that one girl who gets along with everybody in a place where everyone hated absolutely everyone. She gets along with everyone she comes in contact with, especially the 'bad guy' Bryce Walker. Because it makes total sense for his character to suddenly fall in love with the new girl and not want to be just fuck buddies or something.

2) Everyone tells her everything because, yeah, apparently, it is that easy. Just march up there ask what happened and they will tell you everything in detail. The characters included her so fast, it makes me wonder why weren't they so cooperative with the police since they were all about telling everything that happened since they started school. Stupid.

3) The main character and the main villan fall in love with her, fight for her and because of her, because it is totally unpredictable to be involved a love triangle a couple of weeks into a new town. Cliche.

4) She became everyone's best friend although she barely knew their names. Best example is Jessica Davis who treats her probably better than/just like Hannah. Because it doesn't make any sense for Jess to be close with Courtney (who has been sexually assaulted as well up to a point) or Sheri (What happened to Sheri?) or even poor Chloe who actually had some history with Bryce. But the new girl? Hell yeah!

5) She has some kind of a bad past, a classic Mary Sue trait. Being just with her mother and moving into the house her mother's working in means they are not financially doing okay or extraordinary. She said about Amara Josephine that she is strict and she pretends to be around her someone she is not. Boo hoo, gonna cry in a corner of a sphere room for you love.

6) She is super smart because, God forbid, a classic Mary Sue cannot be stupid. Being into robotics' class and a bunch of other clubs (although she might not really be in them and just say that to get her mother off her back from time to time) and almost always stuck with her nose in books or doing homework if she's not at school.

7) Tying up to what I said previously, almost always with her nose in books, studying, or doing homework, she beats Bryce at poker. And again it makes total sense (please note the irony since you can't hear my tone) for someone like her who doesn't know how to play poker be shockingly good at it despite Bryce obviously playing for years and knowing a trick or two. Bcause beginner's luck beats experience, right?

8) She knows all about comics, different universes, cosplaying, lores, mythology, etc... just like every other girl in the universe.

9) She is shown to be very good at art. Another classic Mary Sue trait, being a good actress or singer or artist, or why not? All in one. So we have so far, art, comics, sewing costumes for cosplaying, brains, super duper friendly, still not convinced? Next one then.

10) She bravely stands up to the bullies. To be specific, Monty. When she and Clay follow him home and he gets out of the house after another round of fighting with his father, Clay just wants to get out of there but she stands her ground asking him if that's blood. Because Monty is really pretending to be a bad guy, ask Tyler, but Clay the coward tells her they need to go because never in history has a Mary Sue backed down when the bully showed up. Monty, in case you haven't noticed, can't hurt a fly and would totally run away if you challenged him. He is super innocent. I heard he can't even throw a punch.

11) Fair warning, this is the biggest spoiler I'm about to give. In the end she saves everyone. Actually just Clay, but yeah she saves the day by blaming Bryce's death entirely on Monty. Monty who considered Bryce his brother and was loyal to him in S2 as a dog would so kill him. It's so obvious. You don't see it because we can't all use our brains like Ani. Because Alex should in no circumstances pay for consciously comitting a murder after not too long ago being the only one who wanted to have the truth come out and everyone face the consequences of what they had done back when the tapes were not public. He's the good guy and Bryce is dead so all hail Ani the hero!

If you read this, thank for your time. I really wanted to get it out of my system because S3 sucked for me specifically because of that Mary Sue, sorry, Ani. If you don't agree, then that's all on you. If you try to argue my arguments with yours, that's fine too perhaps I might even agree with some of them. But don't tell me that she isn't the biggest Mary Sue since the invention of the term because I will totally roll my eyes. I saw from Youtube, Facebook, Insta, Tumblr, that a lot of people don't like her either so feel free to tell me your reasons and let's all pray together that Ani doesn't come back for season 4 to ruin the show.

I hope you have a lovely day/night wherever you are.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

What You Deserve

A/N- This is not actually part of the story, its a unused story that I spent a couple weeks writing so I didnt have the heart to delete it although I scrapped it from the original story line. So please know that I did use some of these scenes in my rewrite. 

Summary- 5.7k Curtis Evertt and Y/N. Early Years. You sit with a dying member of the train and listen to her talk about her late husband, and the idea of Soulmates crosses your mind. Do they exist? 

Warnings- Death, Almost a Non Con situation. Curtis having doubts that hes good enough. Boom, got them all I think. 

You sat with the older woman, Sheri for some time that day, perched on the end of her bunk, one leg folded underneath you and one dangling over the edge, her hand interlaced with your own. Sheri was dying your mother informed you that morning, and you simply couldnt let her pass off all alone. Your fingers interlaced with hers in that moment, yours young soft and supple, to her knobby jointed ones, age spots sprinkled across what felt like paper thin softness, like you press to hard it would fall apart. Every now and then a weak wet cough would spring forth, and you would lean forward to pat her mouth softly of any spittle that happened to escape. It was the least you could do for her, try to let her keep her dignity.

“Child, you shouldnt be here watching this.” Sheri would sputter, hazy eyes narrowing at you, knowing you wouldnt leave even if she was to send you away.

You shrugged, and resettled the blankets. “Where else would I go Sheri? Mom and Dad have everything all set in the medic bay, and I got lonely. Who better to keep me company?”

She snorted and coughed once more, raising her hand to wipe at her mouth before you could. “Hmmm, well Curtis comes to mind.”

You blush a bit and look away, which she grinned seeing your lovesick reaction. “Uh huh... Sheri, hes just a friend. And hes got better things to do. Like getting ready with McGregor.” Sheri rolled her eyes at you, and shifted to make herself more comfortable. “Child, ive see the way you two look at one another. I might be old, Im not blind. If you two would just admit your feelings are more then friends, then who knows. Might be the best thing you ever experience. I remember when I told Nathan how I felt. He was all stumbling over his words, spilling it as well.”

You chuckle at her memory, remembering Nathan well when you first came on the train, he was fiercly protective of his wife, and doted on Sheri, loved her with his last breath. You encourage her to speak more of her past, how Nathan and her had a whirlwind romance that ended with the two of them eloping. How when her father found out, he banned her from the house, and the first home she shared with Nathan was nothing more then a room with a bathroom, it was all they needed to start. “It got better, he was accepted to a university, and worked as a janitor at night, I was a waitress in a small off the interstate diner, along with babysitting. It was hard, but we appreciated all that we had.” Sheris eyes slipped closed and she mumbled. “Okay, Im gonna nap now, come back later Y/N, and we will talk some more.” the womans head tipped to the side, and you stayed long enough to be sure she was sleeping.

Drawing your way out, you are sure to slide the curtain closed for her privacy, and start making another round to see to other people, chat with them, just see if they need anything in general. You dont notice the wandering eyes following you, weaving through the people till you got to a quiter part of the tail end. You didnt notice, not until its to late when an arm shoots out in front of you, making you pause momentarily as it blocked you. “What the... Eric, what do you want?” You try to duck under his arm, but the mans grasp on your arm pauses you. A glance his way showed a handsome young man, blond locks curling around green eyes, that glinted coldly at you, and he firmly without any choice of your own backed you against the wall. “See youve been playing little home nurse again Y/N”

“Just helping mom and dad, can you please let go?” You try tugging your arm from his grasp and his other hand came up to your face to trace the curve, obviously not ready to loosen his hold, for whatever reason you would clam up around him, your heart fluttering and your breath quickening. Some would think it was innocent attraction. But it was more fear of what he would eventually do to you if given the chance. 

“When you going to let me kiss you huh? I dont see why you keep fighting me on this.” He hovered closer, his breath washing over your face and you wrinkle your nose at it. It was hot and sour to you, you tried to pull back but there was no where else to go, so the back of your head would thump against the cold metal wall.

“Im not, I dont want to and you cant change my mind.” You wriggle once more trying to get him to stop digging into your arm. “So how about you go find one of the other girls? I know there are plenty who want to be with you.”

“To easy, I rather like the one who denies me” His voice dropped deeper, making you panic sightly. His eyes, you hated the way he would stare at you, following you from wherever he was, like you were a prize to be had. "I figured it's about time I change your mind about it though." You strain out of his touch on your face and go to push against his chest to stumble him back.

"I said no! Fuck no would I ever be with you, let alone kiss you" you snap at him, turning to leave, put distance between you two, back in a crowd. Eric was to coward to try to anything with people around. He snarled though, wrapping an arm around you.

Effectively he pinned your arms helpless and your back against your chest, falling back harder then you expected, making you helpless, his hand clasped over your mouth, effectively muffling any protests you had. "What you think your to good for someone like me sweetheart. If your good enough to get Curtis's dick wet, think you can mine as well without this much of a fight." Your eyes widened at his words. I haven't, were not, stop... Your panic is washing over you, and he manipulated your head to fall back to his shoulder, lemmegolemmegolemmego, you try twisting out. Then he pressed his face in your neck, and bit you, what started as a sloppy kiss turned into a bruising bite, screaming at the shock of pain and you try kicking him hard enough in the leg behind you to drop him. The tread of your boot slid down the inside of his leg, and he pushed you away from him to crash you against the trains wall, hard enough to bounce you off, making you groan from the harsh impact.

Erics hand whipped you around, effectively pinning you with his body. No way to leverage a kick again, and hands pinned your arms down to keep from attacking. "Fucken shit head!" Your voice raised into yelling at him, where was everyone? It was eerily quiet and no one around, he smirked at your struggles, dawning on you when you saw how turned on, felt how turned on. That foreign bulge dug into your belly. "Keep struggling Y/N, just makes me hard for you, so cute thinking you don't want this."

"Your vile Eric, like those front end pigs" nothing but disgust dripping from your tone, trying to hide your fear. But he knows, it just widens his predatory grin knowing your words were masking the fear coursing through your veins. His lips hovered so close, mocking tone as he brushed them barely against yours, as you tried tilting your face away. “Come on Y/N, just one little kiss for me. Do it and I will let you go.”

You glare at him and spit, right in the fuckers face, it runs down his eyes and nose, and you smirk at him as he starts cussing and wiping his face on his sleeve. “You little fucken cunt whore! Nasty pig think you can get away with that shit?!” His hand releases you and goes to hit you when a grasp catches his wrist, wrenching it back. Both yours and Erics eyes go wide in surprise, and you see Curtis glowering behind him, firmly twisting Erics arm hard, then harder again he snarls out. “She sure as fuck is gonna get away with it. I think she told you no”

Curtis jerked Erics arm further and a crack was followed by Eric screaming and letting you go, you slid away from his grasp, Curtis jerking him forward to take where he had you pinned before. They were evenly matched in size, but Curtis had him crushed between his body and metal, his face distorted as you glanced up. It struck you in this moment just how opposite these two men were. Curtis never once raised his voice in the time youve known him,but he had to raise above Erics squealing out in pain and anger. “When a person tells you no, It fucken mean no. You owe Y/N an apology.” He pulled Eric off the wall, and kicked at the back of his knees to drop him in front of you.

Curtis loomed over him, his arm still firmly twisted up between his shoulder blades, and growled in the mans ear. “Say it, or Im going to wrench it right off your body.”

“Im sorry!” you could see the effort it took Eric to say it, but Curtis clearly wasnt satisfied.

“AGAIN!” This time he really roared, Eric cowering a bit, and remorseful, he started again.

“Im sorry Y/N, I promise to never touch you again!” Curtis glances at you and nods that its okay, he had him firmly and you stepped forward, grasping the mans hair, and tipping his head back.

“Touch me ever again, or ANYONE on this train, your dead, do you hear me Eric? I will have no problem watching you die, either by my hand or another. Am. I. Fucking. CLEAR?”

“Yes! god yes, just let me go, it wont happen again.” Eric pleads, and you step away from Eric, and circle around to Curtis’s side. Shoving him harshly away, Eric rolled to a stand and clutched his arm, racing away as fast as he could. The coward, would probably make up some lie to cover face when he made it to your father went to reset the arm. You stood next to Curtis, still fuming. Your fear from earlier forgotten, now you were just enraged watching where the coward disappeared.

“Hey, he aint gonna try messing with you again.” Curtis let his hand rest against your shoulder, looking down at you. He couldnt help but admire you in your rage and fury. Your cheeks were flushed red, and whisps of your hair curled around your face, your eyes bright as you dragged in air sharply to blow it out. Then you turned your gaze, softening just looking at him, and could see you start to loose that edge of your temper. He did that for you.. Curtis gaze softened in return and you turn into him, sliding your arms around his waist and pressing your face in against his chest.

“Thank you for looking out for me Curtis.” his hands braced against your back and seemed to envelope you. If possible he would just hold you like that for alot longer, but you pulled away, keeping it just friends. Maybe you noticed the way his heart jumped, or the way his throat caught in his throat. And it had been that way for monthes now, seeing you in this whole other way. Since that night you fought him, trying to defy that you would ever eat again. Something shifted that day, and yet he held back from telling you, mentioning it. Honestly he didnt deserve someone like you, for all the blackness in his soul. It was better you two just stay this. Stay friends. 

“Your welcome Y/N, I came to let you know Sheri, shes asking for you specifically. Your mom asked me to come get you.” Curtis was about to walk you back, but your eyes widened, and you sprinted up the aisle and out of sight before he could even think to catch up. Unsure of why you were rushing, he followed along behind, and hovered nearby, seeing glimpses of your hair as you were ducked in the bunk, and worried about intruding, he inched forward a bit enough to hear you, make sure it was all okay. Your voice was soft, almost sorrowed as you spoke. 

“Im here Sheri, Im sorry I didnt come sooner...” 

Unintelligible to Curtis at the moment, it only sounded older, raspier and you gave a small chuckle at whatever was said. 

“I already told you, were friends, Curtis and I.” your voice seems to be teasing at this, and guilt at eavesdropping, Curtis turned away from the two of them, those last words echoing in his minds. Friends. Thats all they were, and all they would ever be. He had to accept it. You werent really his, and he needed to stop feeling responsible for you.  The thought alone made him feel slightly depressed and heavy in his chest, hollow. It made him feel hollow, and he fell right in line with the others shuffling to the front to collect there daily rations. 

You curled up near Sheris side, in the time you left her, she just gotten worst, and the both of you knew it really was just a matter of time now. For a while Sheri fell back into stories of the past, mixing You and Nathan up, once in a while she will talk to you like you were her husband. Her soft knobby hands grasping yours, and a smile etching on her tired face. 

“Im so tired Nathan, whats it like?” She would say with her eyes closed, and you with your head slightly bowed, trying not to let your tears fall yet, you put on a smile instead and nod softly. 

“Yea Sheri Dear, its nice. All love and kindness. You never hurt, your always warm and we can be together.” 

“But is there Hershey Bars Nathan? And dont you lie to me, cause I always know.” 

You laugh slightly at it, barely remembering them yourself, but you do your best. “Of course, every day I will get you all the chocolate you want.” 

Sheri hums as if happy, and her eyes open, looking up at you. “Oh child you dont have to stay.” Back to herself again, she folded her hands around yours and patted them softly. “Thank you for sitting with me, Nathan told me hes waiting for me, and Im ready to go... Im ready to see him again, My Nathan.” She slowed her movements and drifted off to sleep. At some point your mother checks in on you. “Want me to sit with her and you go get some sleep?” 

A gentle shake of your head and smile, youve done this before... the silent wait, the death watch. “No, its okay. I will see you in the morning.” Your mother nods with understanding, life on the train, these past 10 years made you grow up faster then you should. It did for all of you. 

You sat there with her, refusing to leave this time, still holding her hand, that was limp and warm in your own, tracing over her knuckles and along the top of her hand, aged, weathered. Nothing really last forever, and in these thoughts Sheri drifted away, in her sleep. Just as she wanted. 

When you felt her just, become a body once more, you let your tears run free now, falling in the womans blankets, while you readjust her to cover her completely, shifting to a stand a bit weak legged from the hours you were there. You went to find your mother, but see shes sleeping, both your parents are. Looking up and down the aisle, you really dont want to be alone, not now. Not after having to say goodbye. It was moments like these you missed your little brother, having someone to hold in your arms and remember all the good memories through your sorrow.

Without even thinking about it, you wander, and soon your standing in front of a bunk youve never been into, but you knew who was there. You could hear him snore softly, and shift in his sleep. A soft rustle of his coat, a shadow in the darkness. Your heart catches, and it aches. It aches for your friend, for how excited she was to see her husband again. How you dont know if she really was though. “Curtis?” Your voice is soft, your not even sure you said it. But within seconds he sleepily stuck his head out, and hand wiping at his eyes and brows coming together in concern. “Y/N? Whats wrong? Are you okay?” 

You nod softly and maybe you shouldnt, it was such an odd request but it bubbles right out of your throat into words. “I dont... I dont want to be alone, please?” Your gaze lifts and it takes him a few seconds to register what your asking for, when it clicks, he doesnt even hesitate, his hand reaching out to grasp yours and help you up. Maybe he should send you home, send you back. But your looking so fragile in the dark, alone. 

When you settled in, Curtis felt the bunk warm up between you two, and you laid curled up near his side, not touching , but nearby. Your breathing was fast paced and uneasy. Nervous... Fuck shes nervous. He turned to his side, and reached out to grasp your chin lightly to look up at him, since you had your face tucked down. “Y/N, want to tell me whats going on?” Curtis figured it was best to get to the bottom of what was bothering you, why you came to seek him like this. 

“Do you believe in soulmates and such Curtis?” You start to loosen up, folding your hands under your head as you roll to your side as well, looking back at him. Curtis brow furrowed a bit at the very odd question from you, and gave a light shrug at it. “Im not entirely sure Y/N, I never thought about it honestly. My folks werent exactly the most loving towards each other, kinda like... “ He tried to think of how to compare them to that you might remember. “Al and Peggy Bundy from that comedy. I dont know if you would even know what Im talking about. But anyways, always kinda mean to one another, but they just stayed together. Soulmates? I dont know if they exist. Why?” 

You vaguely recalled what he was talk about, the theme song playing a bit through your mind, you remembered your dad watching it, but you never paid attention to what he was watching. “Yea I know what your talking about Curtis. I was sitting with Sheri during her last bit, and she thought I was her husband. It just... she talked to him like they hadnt missed a beat, although its been years. I did my best to give her answers for him. I just, think I witnessed what that would be.” Curtis reached out and wrapped you up in his arms, understanding now that you were saying Sheri was gone. Doing that sit was never easy. Clearly this one effected you. But certainly not in the way he fully expected. 

You let him pull you in close, twisting to lean in against his chest while he held you, his hand was rubbing up and down your back in a comforting manner. It lulled you to close your eyes, and after a few moments, you heard him speak. A rumble in his chest making you stir to look up at him. At this angle, you couldnt see his eyes. “Before this, did you believe in that notion? Soul mates, think they could find each other in a life like this?” Curtis question made you pull up to sit next to him, so you could properly see him. See if he was teasing you, although he didnt have that tone he did when he was, or if he was being serious in his question. Crystal blue eyes stared up at you, with nothing but seriousness, and maybe hope? 

You studied Curtis for a few moments, and as sometimes happened to you, your heart seemed to speed just a bit, and you smiled at him softly, nodding. “I do Curtis, call me a hopeless romantic but we have to have hope right? Why not hope that we can find something so complete in even this hell.” You shrug and tip your head against your shoulder in that optimistic way before dropping your shrug. It was then he pushed up to sit as well, and he pulled at his lip with a drag of his teeth, seeming to think. You waited him out, your hands folding in your laps and looking at him wide eyed. 

Why do you look at him like that. His resolve weakening. You were so innocent looking up at him, patient as always for him to find the words, for him to decide, for him to get rid of that guilt that he doesnt deserve you in a way more then this. You were probably the reason he hasnt done anything to reckless and gotten himself killed. Fuck it Curtis... Resolve sliding over his face and his hands cupped the sides of your face, so soft under his touch, just as he knew you would be. Soft for him, he only wanted you to ever be soft for him like this, wanting to feel you press against him, the warmth of your breath whispering into his ear that you needed him. How many times had he thought this, wanted this. And now, you were staring up at him just waiting for him to tell you all this. 

“Can I kiss you Y/N?” He asked, ready to pull back the moment you looked appalled by his request, and you never utter those words, nothing changes but a quickening of your breath, and a nervous lick of your lips. Curtis wonders, have you ever been asked before? He was patient, he could wait, would wait till your ready. Its something you never admitted to yourself, but yes... you really wanted that kiss. A dip of your head and a soft “Yes” was given. 

Thumbs circled over her cheekbones, and you held your breath, waiting with anticipation. His features grew soft looking at you, raking over your face for a moment, searching for a no from you before he lowered his head and pressed his lips to yours, they were softer then you been expecting, and a bit lost in what to do. But Curtis started a light nibble, a press of his tongue made you gasp in surprise. A tentative touch of his tongue against your own, and you finally started to relax into it, exploring in your own way. Although Curtis controlled your first kiss, you felt free, a rush of your senses making you pull in closer, your hands sliding up his chest and around the back of his neck. 

Your fingers buried into the back of his shirt, and his own hands slid off your face, and down to your hips to pull you in closer, flushing you into his chest, and a rumbling moan crept from him. You were everything he knew you would be and more. Already it was rushing to his head, feeding a deep seated hunger he had been ignoring for the past ten years since arriving on the train. If he wasnt careful, he was going to do something he might regret, and pulled away, leaving you stunned, and giving a whimper at the loss of his lips against yours. How flushed you looked, shocked, even dare he say a hint of pleasure dazing your eyes. Your lips were swollen from his kiss, and that made him pleased he could make you look like this, just a simple kiss. 

Staring at one another, it was apparent that there was no going back now, no more just best friends. You were still slightly in a daze and Curtis laid back down, his hand circling your arm to tug you to join him. “We should get some sleep.” in which you stretched out next to him. You wanted to say something, but didnt know what. The kiss, unlike anything youve ever experienced and in the dark, your fingers moved to touch your lips, smiling at the memory of it now. The feelings you had for him, had been there a long time, and until now, you never let yourself believe it was a true possibility. 

Curtis on the other hand, well he was cursing himself out for what he just done. You were far to good for him and he should have known better then that. He didnt deserve you, not your honey sweet kisses he just got lost in, or the way you were so sweetly curled up next to him, trying not to intrude. Oh he was fucked... completely fucked. Why did he have to kiss you? He groaned inwards, waiting, just waiting for you to come to your senses. He was a baby murderer, it would happen soon, he was sure. You would remember what he done, and push him away, shut yourself off from him, and then in that moment, Curtis would be all alone on the train. Long after you fallen asleep, Curtis laid wide awake with his thoughts poisoning his mind. 

That next day he had disappeared before you could talk to him, and kept expecting to see him, but you never did. Which was odd, cause he had a habit of finding you at various points in passing. Only place he could be was Gilliams, and that alone made you worry. Not that Gilliam was necessarily bad, but people plotted with him, talks of trying to escape was always so sush around the man, like a man of many secrets. You scolded yourself at your thoughts, knowing Gilliam was a good man. Hes helped all of you so many times, was the leader of your people. If anyone knew you felt this way, your throat closed at the idea of what could happen to you. 

You were soon distracted by a 5 year old named Joey. “Hey, Its almost time, right Y/N?” he said excitedly as he ducked into the medic bay as if he owned the place, pulling on your coat and looking up with a glimmer of hope passing his face, you wink down at him, and take care of the last of the supplies. Whatever was going on with Curtis was going to have to wait. And you pushed the thoughts from your mind.

“Of course, whenever Minister Mason announces that we are passing over bridge, that means its a whole new year, and every new years what do we get?” tapping your finger on your chin, you pretend to ponder. “Oh what is it. They are white, and inside is all that yummy goodness. Hmmmm.... Frog eggs? No way to slimey! maybe a dog egg? Wait dogs dont lay eggs... Maybe a... “ at this point Joey is just about bouncing excitedly, finally bursting out.

“Chicken? Right Y/N Chicken Eggs?! I think they lay eggs.” a slightly confused look crossed his face. “Im not even sure what a chicken is.”  

“Oooh! Thats what they are. And chickens run around on two legs, flap there wings and are big fluffy butts.” You cross your eyes at Joey and mimic flapping your arms, making him laugh.

“Like Miz Scarlett?” He asks, and he says it so innocently, you have a hard time not laughing, pressing a finger against his lips. “No no, she certainly doesnt look like a chicken.” Although she did that one time her nice feather down coat split down the back and feathers scattered through the tail end. You all still found the occasional feather fluttering through the aisle. Plus the woman had the tendency to be a bit over dramatic, flailing her arms around whenever she had to prove a point. Joey always had been an observant kid.

The two of you chatted about what else New Years brought, while heading out into the aisle to return him back to his mother. “were gonna have a cele-celebratition?” You chuckle and repeat the word properly. “Celebration, and it will be something like that yes.” It wasnt much, usually just a bunch of people sitting around the gate, waiting for there only treat Wilford ever gave them on the train. But it always turned into a good time, people sharing stories, and once in a while a game or two was played. “Gilliam is gonna tell us right?” Joey asks, now looking concerned.

Your brows come together, and nod, giving his little hand a squeeze. “Of course Buddy, were not gonna miss out on the best day ever, right? I will come make sure your there with everyone else.” You smile at him to assure, and he pulls up, leaping into a lower bunk to crawl over to his mom. “Mom! Y/N said its almost new years, and we get chicken eggs and maybe we get to hear stories and... “ he ended up running out of air and took a deep breath. “and Miz Scarlett doesnt look like a chicken.” You end up covering your mouth,while his mom puts him on her lap and shakes her head. 

“Now Joey, you cant be telling anyone they look like chickens! Jeeze child, what am I going to do with you?” She tickled his side and he went sprawling across the bed, and rolled back up, the excitement tinging his face. “I wont, I wont... I promise!” The PA systems crackles, and you put your finger up to your lip to sush Joey, all of you tipping your head to listen. Minister Masons nasal voice crackled and stated. 

“We just passed the bridge, and another year on Wilfords Miracle Train. How lucky we have all been to be here for this miraculous day. Mr.Wilford is providing everyone a treat to celebrate, be sure to come up to the front in a ORDERLY fashion, and be sure to thank him for his bountiful grace hes bestowed upon us.” 

You roll your eyes to yourself for the fucking dramatics, but you tilt your head and sound excited for Joey. “Come on Kiddo! I bet hes got something real good for us.” The child looks to his mother for permission and she nods, sending him flying out of the bunk to grasp your hand and practically tugging you down the aisle, since its quite a walk for his little legs, he wanted to hurry. “Slow down Joey, we will get there” You laugh, and then Curtis sweeps past you and hauls the kid up in his arms, grinning at you as he turned around, and walked backwards, Joey, wrapping his little arm around his neck. “We got places to be, Dont We Joe?” The little boy gave a very serious nod and looked down to Curtis. “Yes sir we do.” 

“Okay, okay... Im coming!” You pull up alongside Curtis with a sigh like they were being ridiculous, and once they were in sight of the front, Joey started wriggling to get down. “Put me down Curits, I want to go get in line!” in which hes swung down and as soon as his feet hit the grate, he bolts away from the two of you. The both of you hang back while others crowd to form a line. You let yourself lean against his shoulder and look up to catch his attention. “Feels like youve been hiding on me Curtis.” 

“No, just been busy.” He glances at you and away, watching to make sure Joey doesnt get lost in the mayhem. Liar, hes always been a bad liar. You see right through it, and you dip around to stand in front of him. “Say that again Curtis, and mean it this time.” Your mouth curls up in a grin, and he growls a bit under his breath that he had been caught. 

“Listen, yesterday...” he starts, rubbing the back of his neck and looking down. “I took advantage and I shouldnt have.” 

“Curtis Everett, when have I ever done anything I didnt want to do?” You fold your arms over your chest and shake your head. 

“Well...” 

“That doesnt count and you know it.” Giving him a silent warning and he snapped his jaw shut. You step in closer and take a hold of his jacket, fiddling your fingers in it. “Listen to me closely, You didnt take advantage, okay, and Im not going anywhere. It wasnt bad, right?” 

His eyes widened and a shake of his head to get rid of the notion, he couldnt help but touch you again, his hands moving along your arms, up to cup your face again. “Absolutely not, it was... the best kiss ive ever had.” his face softened when he said it out loud. 

A slight blush crept in your cheeks, but to hear him say that, just made you more bold, knowing you werent wrong. You were ready for this moment, and never thought it was possible. “Then why do you fight it?” You asked as you slid up against him, and move to your toes to reach him, cupping the back of his neck, you bring him down to meet you, and more confident this time, you kissed him slowly. This one was yours, and the people started cheering around them at the announcement of the new year. But for Curtis, his world narrowed to the woman in his arms, nothing else existed or mattered for him. You fit in his hold, like you were meant to be. the soulmates questioned flashed through his mind and then you moaned into his mouth, and all thoughts went away for good. 

He knew in that moment, there wasnt going to ever be anyone else. He might not deserve someone like you, but he wasnt going to let you go. 

[musekicker]

Prompt: number 3, pranks

Fandom: Rayman

Notes: Sherri, Deidre, Gabe, Squar, Bumbles, Pip, and Quint are my ocs. Eddie belongs to @oiloceansurfclub

Sheri had left earlier that morning with Squar to the vets. Something Sherri had to be a bit sneaky about sometimes. Squar did not take vet visits well. He was what the vets referred to as a nervous patient. 

It was just sometimes best to not let Squar know he was going to the vets.

Going out the door Squar thought that he was just going with Sherri to the store.

With Squar out of the house this left Gabe without Squar for part of the day. A Gabe without a Squar to bounce energy off of was a Gabe that was up for more mischief then normal.

Something Deidre was up for as well.

It was one of those rare times Deidre and Gabe would work together. Mischief was so much better if shared. And they came up with a plan not long before Eddie woke up.

Currently Holding back giggles they peered around corner of the kitchen door as Eddie approached the coffee station part of the kitchen. Coffee was already done in the coffee maker so all Eddie needed to do was pour the coffee and put what he wanted into the cup. Which normally including more then healthy scoops of sugar.

The white stuff made the tiniest of poof clouds as Eddie scooped it into his coffee. Somehow he was doing this with barely opening his eyes.

Deidre narrowed her eyes a bit, thinking about how sugar did not made powder poofs.

Eddie did not notice this oddness. He was still very much on autopilot and he drank it without ever opening his eyes.

However Eddie's eyes did open when he started coughing at the wrong taste and texture of his coffee.

He looked into his cup once he was done coughing and frowned a bit.

As Eddie was taking another sip just in case the second sip might taste better, and then finding out that thought was completely wrong, Deidre turned to Gabe.

"Did you switch the sugar with flour?" Deidre asked Gabe quietly.

"Sure did." Gabe said, grinning.

"Gabe you idiot. You replace the sugar with salt. Not flour." Deidre hissed.

"Dad still drank it." Gabe pointed out.

"Because it's dad! You know that nonsense would not had worked on mom." Deidre cried.

"She's right you know. Your mom would have caught on for sure." Eddie said from behind the kids.

The kids froze then glanced up at their dad who was looking down at them.

"Oh no." Gabe said.

"He did it." Deidre said, pointing at Gabe.

Gabe glared.

"I can't believe that you didn't even wait until the prank was cold. Just turned on me just like that." Gabe said.

"You should choose your friends better." Deidre said.

"You are my sister!" Gabe cried.

Deidre shrugged. Eddie still was standing there. He did not look very upset both kids noticed.

"Okay kids, you want a prank war? You are on." Eddie said.

"What?" Deidre said.

"Not what I expected to hear either." Gabe said.

Eddie smiled.

"Hey, I can appreciate a good prank too you know." Eddie said. "Though I'm going to suggest a few changes."

"Go on." Gabe said.

"First off, we need to change the pranks location. If we catch your mom in the crossfire of any pranks we will all pay for it dearly." Eddie said.

"That's true." Gabe said.

"Second, I think we should make this more of a we prank everyone else and tally up successful pranks thing." Eddie said.

"An us against the world scenario." Deidre said. "I like it."

Sherri returned home with Squar a few hours later.

The griffin had insisted on getting some fast food on the way home, making the trip home a bit longer.. A prize for being good at the vets. Sherri didn't quite call hiding under the table for the first ten minutes one hundred percent good but he never handled vet visits that great. So she had gotten him the food regardless. 

She was looking forward to resting a bit after all this but stopped once they rounded the corner to the walk way of their home.

There were a line of beings before the houses front door.

All Sherri could think was what now?

"Umm, hi there. Can I help you all?" Sherri asked.

The line turned to Sherri and after a minute of people trying to speak at once or over each other Sherri got the idea her family had been up to something while she was gone.

"They switched labels on my candy display.. plus I think they might had grabbed a lot more then polite amount of free sample candies." Bumbles said.

"They left a basket of fake food on me and Quint's front door. Who puts fake food in a basket!?" Pip cried.

"I still can't believe you took three bites before realizing it was fake." Quint said.

"Whose side are you on?" Pip asked.

Sherri sighed as she heard more and more of what her family had been up to all day.

"I'll talk to them." Sherri said.

The three pranksters had taken a break from pranking and gotten some ice cream before starting home. They were still laughing over their reign of mischief they had caused that dad as they approached the house.

"Your mom should be home about now." Eddie said.

"She is." Sherri said.

Sherri was sitting in a chair in the living room that faced the door. Squar was laid out next to the chair and the image gave Sherri a look that told the three that trouble was coming.

Eddie already knew what was happening here and thought of backing out. Deidre caught on quick and glared at him.

"Don't you dare." Deidre hissed. "We're in this together, remember?"

None of the three could flee now. Sherri spoke again, sounding fairly calm.

"I hear that you three went on a bit of a prank rampage today." Sherri said.

"Who told!?" Gabe cried.

"Everyone." Sherri said.

"Oh." Gabe said.

Eddie stepped forward, hands up in a placating gesture.

"Okay, maybe we got a little out of hand." Eddie said.

"You might had gone a bit overboard making that giant snowman with giant googly eyes right outside Cookie's home. He complained the most." Sherri said.

"That's a surprise." Deidre commented.

"I just thought it be a fun way to hang out with the kids. " Eddie said.

Sherri sighed and stood up from the chair before taking Eddie by the hands.

"That's.. actually really sweet." Sherri said.

"So... you're not upset?" Eddie asked.

"Honestly... no." Sherri said.

Eddie smiled.

"But you're all still going to apologize to everyone." Sherri said.

The three pranksters groaned.

"But we pranked so many people." Gabe complained.

"I know. Better get apologizing." Sherri said.

The rest of the day was spent making apology calls.

[alastairsqueen]

I just finished season 4 of 13 Reasons Why and I have a few things I need to get off my chest.

First of all, the lock down episode was beyond ridiculous. I could understand having a drill at a school for an active shooter situation, but to the extent this school went to? Absolutely not. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a school doing such a thing, and if they have, I can’t imagine parents taking it lightly. Look what happened to Clay. Those students were traumatized. And the bleeding dummies in an earlier episode? Wtf? 

Winston seemed kind of pointless. I get he wanted the truth to come out about Bryce because it would clear Monty’s name, but he barely knew Monty, the same guy who beat the living shit out of him at one point. Having sex with someone a couple of times doesn’t equal love. Honestly, I think that whole plot would have been better if Winston and Alex had stayed together, Alex started to trust Winston, and then Alex told him the truth. They already loved one another, basically, so it could have worked out. Learning the truth but also being in love with Alex, I feel like he would have let it go. Both outcomes are the same, but the story progression would have been a lot better. Hate to say it, but I also feel like Alex had a lot better chemistry with Winston in those first few episodes than he did with Charlie. Charlie was super sweet and nice, but I didn’t feel like he meshed well with Alex as much. It was cute how they won prom king and queen, but Charlie had to try way too hard. I guess he figured he had to prove Alex was worth it, but Winston never had to try that hard. That’s why I feel like the chemistry was better and it didn’t feel forced on us.

Also a small shout out to the Zalex kiss. I want to point out that it was obvious for awhile Alex was really gay. Hannah and Jessica joked about it back in season 1, which okay, was just a joke, but in season 2, he said a lot of really inappropriate things to Zach that I don’t feel like most guys would tell their friends, like about how he finally had an erection, and all these other things. We were all shipping Alex and Zach for awhile now because of their close connection, so the kiss did seem like they were baiting us with absolutely no follow through. However, I guess I can’t be terribly upset about it. Zach was weirded out when Alex said inappropriate things in the past, but he let it slide because they were friends. As much as I would have preferred these two to be endgame, I’m still alright with them being really good friends who love one another. And I’m glad that Alex got a happy ending with someone, at least.

Totally glad Ani and Clay did not end up together in the end. From what I saw of comments after last season, most people disliked Ani immensely. Her screen time was even limited this season so I feel like that was kind of their way of pushing her more to the back burner. However, I do appreciate the conversation she had with Clay at prom, how both of them said they don’t know what love is, and that they don’t know how to be in relationships. I think that is probably one of the most accurate, grown up depictions in this entire show. 

I sadly think this is one of those seasons that actually would have benefited from the 13 episode length season. With all the stuff we had going on with Clay, especially, and then everything else, I think things needed to be drawn out a little bit more. I still think Clay’s mental illness could have been handled a lot better. I’m glad he finally got therapy, but if someone was at risk of hurting themselves, they hold that person for at least 24-48 hours. When he escaped, he would have been brought right back. And even then, when his therapist said he wasn’t at risk for hurting himself anymore, I didn’t buy it for a second. And some of the things Clay did and didn’t remember seemed kind of strange, imo. I could see the spraypaint as he helped cover up the Monty thing, or even the email, but some of it like the video cameras and torturing his own friends in the woods? I know sometimes things don’t make sense when mental illness is concerned, but it just seemed very poorly written, like they wanted us to think everything was being done by someone else, even though most of it was Clay. Also hated the throw away line in the last eppie when he says that he doesn’t actually see people, that he just imagines conversations he would have with them in his head. What a total cop out. On more than one occasion people caught him talking out loud like someone was there, and they made that such a huge focus after Hannah died. Ugh. It kind of felt like a slap in the face to fans who commented on it.

A longer season would have also given us some really sweet moments and interactions between more of the characters. One of the biggest problems with this show is the personal moments. I felt like this season they were stretched thin, and it just felt like drama, drama, drama and doom and gloom the whole time. Every time these kids have even the happiest of moments, it’s ruined by something. 

We get a really sweet prom episode and then it’s just ruined by the ending. The final episode also should have been two separate ones. Having a major death, a graduation, and burying the tapes seemed like a bit much to put in one episode. I get they want to drive home the point that high school is hell, but really?

And as far as Justin goes, the whole back and forth with him getting better, then relapsing makes sense as he’s an addict and it will always be a struggle, but then he gets AIDS and dies? Also, they said he likely contracted it when he was homeless and sold himself, but typically it can take HIV 8 to 10 years before it turns into AIDS, so unless I’m missing something, it progressed really quick? In the show he was homeless at the end of the first season when he ran off and then into the start of season 2, so that’s only a couple of years at the most. Did they mean from another time he was homeless? Like it just didn’t add up. I know everyone is different, and he continued to use drugs, but they could have just had him overdose. I think they wanted to go for more tragic though, really make the audience feel it with all the sad goodbyes. To me it felt more like one of those things they toss in to try and bring ‘awareness’ to a topic, but failed miserably.

Also, the part that got me thinking was how Clay had pot in his system. He lost track of time frequently, but like......Charlie had those cookies on the camping trip, and no one really seemed high, but what if Clay ate one because we later see Charlie with the pot cookies at the party with Alex. Otherwise, they never really explained how he had pot in his system. We just saw him smoke it at the party later on.

The last thing I want to comment on is a couple of moments in the show that really made me go wtf. The first time was with Clay and the passed out girl at the frat house. He goes into the room and the excuse he gives to Bryce in his head is just.........wtf? And he later tells his therapist he was thinking about sex and he was hard. We know that he went in there because he thought the guy was going to rape her and then he saw Bryce, but like.........when he made that comment to his therapist I was just like nope. Later it happens again with Zach and the female escort he brought to prom in the bathroom. These are two characters who have been known to stick up for women, so it’s just like really? I feel like I kind of get what they were trying to go for with the show, like this concept that if you’re fucked up and not in your right frame of mind, on drugs, etc, people are capable of anything, even something terrible, but it just doesn’t work. It was beyond creepy, and I hated it. 

I will say I’m glad they actually did a Prom and Graduation episode though. One of the things that annoyed me most about Teen Wolf was we never got any glimpses of them being happy either. It was always plot and drama, never them being teens, so yeah. I’m glad they buried Hannah’s tapes, but like, I really didn’t care about Courtney or Ryan coming back to help bury them as they hadn’t even been apart of most of what happened in later seasons since they apparently graduated. I noticed Sheri wasn’t there either. 

I’m sure I could add more, but this is already really long. Basically I have a lot of mixed feelings about the final season.

[zayadriancas]

My turn! ;) Sean/Craig, Saad/Yael, Zig/Tori, Toby/Emma, JT/Ashley, Spinner/Terri, Alex/Ellie, Becky/Jack, Zoe/Esme, Maya/Shay, Holly J/Fiona, Manny/Jimmy, Peter/Jane, Jake/Jenna, Adam/Tori, Riley/Zane, Ashley/Paige, Darcy/Jane, Cam/Tristan, Dallas/Clare, KC/Bianca, Jimmy/Ellie, Frankie/Zoe, Zig/Miles, Grace/Jack, Veronica/Chuck, Archie/Valerie, Fred/Hermione, Kevin/Fangs, Cheryl/Toni/Veronica, Zach/Jessica, Justin/Alex, Clay/Sheri, Bryce/prison, Zay/Maya & Shawn/Angela

Lol thank you! 🥰

Sean/Craig: BROTP

Saad/Yael: BROTP (they could have been either great friends or a poly ship with Lola if NC had continued 😔, but I lean more towards friends because I think Lola whoever she’s with needed someone who she didn’t fear felt strongly for someone else over her)

Zig/Tori: NOTP

Toby/Emma: OTP/BROTP (idk I thought they would have been cute but they were also obviously great as friends)

JT/Ashley: NOTP

Spinner/Terri: OTP

Alex/Ellie: OTP/BROTP (they had more potential/were more compatible than Palex IMO but I mostly just enjoyed their friendship and wish we’d seen more of it)

Becky/Jack: OTP/BROTP

Zoe/Esme: NOTP

Maya/Shay: BROTP (bitter we never got to see them bond during Zaya/Shiny double dates 😭)

Holly J/Fiona: BROTP

Manny/Jimmy: NOTP

Peter/Jane: BROTP

Jake/Jenna: BROTP

Adam/Tori: OTP (lots of wasted potential)

Zane/Riley: OTP

Ashley/Paige: BROTP

Darcy/Jane: BROTP

Cam/Tristan: BROTP (they had potential as more but honestly the whole pretending to be Maya online thing ruined it. I get Tristan was scared but if it was easier for him online he could have messaged him from his own account)

Dallas/Clare: NOTP

KC/Bianca: BROTP (but they are my second choice for Bianca romantically I’m just not hugely invested I preferred them as friends)

Jimmy/Ellie: BROTP

Frankie/Zoe: OTP/BROTP (season 13) NOTP (season 14) they could have been repaired in NC and it would have been better than Fronah but since they weren’t....NOTP in NC era too

Zig/Miles: NOTP (I liked them in the minis but no progression was really made after that except Zig apologizing for taking his anger out on Miles but idk too much happened in s13 for me to really root for anything between them platonically or otherwise)

Grace/Jack: BROTP

Veronica/Chuck: NOTP

Archie/Valerie: OTP/BROTP (I liked them while rewatching but I wasn’t hugely invested I wish they could have remained friends at least)

Fred/Hermione: BROTP/NOTP (idk I didn’t hate them together but it was wrong for obvious reasons if they just had stayed friends it wouldn’t have caused so much shit. I will say I did like them in The Midnight Club but that probably is cuz of the actors playing their younger selves 😉)

Kevin/Fangs: Without the farm they would have been OTP probably but since that made them so unlikable (I don’t fully blame them though but still)...NOTP (for now, if Fangs is somehow alive and we see them develop an actual relationship outside the farm I could actually like them for real)

Cheryl/Toni/Veronica: OTP/BROTP

Zach/Jessica: NOTP (I just barely remember any scenes or anything between them)

Justin/Alex: BROTP

Clay/Sheri: OTP/BROTP (I liked what little we saw of them in as a romantic pairing (even though I don’t think they were ever official) in season 1 but after that we didn’t see much of them and what we did see had no romantic context)

Bryce/Prison: LOL!!! OTP

Zay/Maya: BROTP

Shawn/Angela: OTP

[steviemae]

lost love.... not really // ff & sp

requested by @emotionalweirdo01: Can you do an imagine where the reader is sweet peas sister and is dating fangs and then the fangs shooting happens and she is like devastated and he comforts her.... Ya know fluffy shit all around lol

You sat at the bar picking at the glossy topcoat of the wood that was flaking off from all the years of wear and tear. You nervously bit the skin of you lips probably making yourself bleed but your mind wasn’t focusing on anything but your boyfriend, Fangs, getting out of jail today. The new Sheriff in town couldn’t make anything stick and you knew he didn’t kill Midge. Though it broke your heart a little when heard the rumors that they were sleeping together. Sweet Pea made you stay on the southside far away from all the angry groups of people, not wanting you to get hurt or lost in the riot. He knew that on the southside, there were people who would protect you. Not so much on the northside. He needed to get Fangs home safe without having to worry about you as well so he mad you stay at the Wyrm with Hogeye watching you so you wouldn’t leave.

After what felt like hours, Toni came busting through the doors of the Wyrm. You noticed the blood covering her hands and staining her clothes, immediately thinking the worst. Tears in her eyes as they searched frantically for you, “Y/n. Fangs, he- he’s hurt.” She stuttered out when she found you at the bar. And that was the worst scenario that ran through your head. Either your brother or your boyfriend being hurt.

“What do you mean he’s hurt? Where’s Sweet Pea?” you asked jumping down from the stool.

“He was shot. Someone shot him. He’s at the hospital right now in surgery.” You didn’t notice any of the other Serpents walk in until you felt your brother’s arms wrap around your shoulders and pull you in for a hug.

“What happened?” you asked hugging your brother back, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“We were huddled around him trying to keep the rioters away from him, but they were pushing and fighting too hard and we got separated. That’s when they shot him. None of us had any time to react, y/n. We’re sorry.” Toni said letting her tears fall from her eyes.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Toni. Don’t blame yourself.” You said pulling away from Sweet Pea to hug Toni letting her cry into your shoulder. After she calmed down a bit, the reality of it all hit you like a train. You suddenly felt your heart sink and tears blurred your vision making Sweet Pea rush over to you, pulling you back in to hug you.

“He’s gonna be okay, right Pea? He’s gonna make it?” Your voice broke as you spoke, tears threatening to fall from your eyes. You gripped the flaps of his jacket tight, “Tell me he’s not going to die, Sweet Pea. Tell me that Fangs isn’t leaving me!” you raised your voice a bit trying to get him to tell you something, anything about how Fangs was doing. He didn’t say anything, just held you tighter and kissed the top of your head. That’s when the tears fell and you sobbed dramatically into Sweet Pea’s chest.

The rest of the Serpents showed up to the Wyrm to figure out a plan to stop the Ghoulie’s that were back in town. Sweet Pea joined in but never once let go of you, not that you would have let him in anyway. You weren’t sobbing anymore, finally steadying your breathing. Poor Sweet Pea’s shirt was soaked with tears but he didn’t care. He just wanted to be there for his sister, knowing that losing Fangs was going to break your heart more than your parents ever did.

FP came back from his office after taking a call, everyone in the room looking at him as if asking a question without actually talking.

“That was the Sheriff’s station. Fangs, he-uh. He didn’t make it.” He whispered the last part, eyes darting to you as you hid your face in Sweet Pea’s chest, sobs wracking through your body. FP put a vote on whether or not to go to war with the Ghoulie’s making your head snap up at Sweet Pea when you felt one of his arms move from hugging you.

“Don’t you dare, Sweet Pea. i can’t lose you too.” You forced out.

“I have to, y/n. If we don’t go to war now, they’ll come after you and everyone else the rest of us care about and i can’t let that happen.” He said sternly looking down at you. You scoffed and pushed him away from you, going over to sit by Toni. She grabbed your hand and let you rest your head on her shoulder as you cried, mourning the death of your boyfriend but also the possible death of your brother.

--

You raced around the Wyrm making sure all of the Serpents, who were now homeless because of the Ghoulie’s who burned down Sunnyside trailer park, had enough blankets and food.

“She’s avoiding it isn’t she.” Toni said walking up to stand beside Sweet Pea who watched as his sister catered to all of the Serpents.

“Yeah, she may have cried the other day, but she hasn’t come to terms with it and she doesn’t want to. That makes it real. She’s a tough girl but our parents leaving and now Fangs is too much for her to handle so she’s distracting herself. I’ll make her face it when it’s time, but right now, i’ll let her be.” He said grabbing a bowl of soup and walking over to you.

“You need to eat before you help anyone else. You can make sure they’ve got everything they need but you need to make sure you do too.” he grabbed your arm and pulled you over to an empty table pushing you down to sit and placing the bowl of Hogeyes famous potato soup that you love so much, in front of you. You ate in silence, Sweet Pea sat in front of you making sure you ate it all when Jughead bust through the door with Archie and FP.

“We have to go. Gather only what you need. The Sheriff is raiding southside for Serpents.”

“Where the hell are we going to go?” Sweet Pea asked standing up, suddenly angry.

“We’ve been offered solace on the northside. Now let’s get moving.”

Sweet Pea grabbed both of your duffel bags, tossing your blankets and pillows into them and zipping them closed. He grabbed your hand and lead you out the door, following Archie and Jughead through the dark streets of what was once your home. Police spotlights shined down the street you were walking on causing Sweet Pea to pull you with him behind a dumpster. No one said anything as you continued your trek to Archie’s house on the Northside.

--

You sat on the back porch of Archie’s house sipping your hot chocolate Mr. Andrews made specifically for you, avoiding everyone's pity gazes. You hadn’t truly mourned the loss of your boyfriend, and you didn’t want to because then it became reality. You had already lost so much and this was just the straw that broke the camels back. You were hurting. You’ve cried so much you didn’t think you had anymore left until Sweet Pea came over and wiped away one tear that you didn’t notice had fell from your eye.

“It’s okay to cry, y’know. Fangs wouldn’t have let you hold all of that anger and sadness inside you. He wouldn't have wanted you to.” Sweet Pea said as he sat next to you on the bench.

“Can we not talk about him like he’s not here anymore. I’m not at that stage of grief yet.” you whispered, “I’m still very much in denial.”

“I know you are. You know you can talk to me about anything and everything, right? He was my best friend, but he was the love of your life.” Your head snapped towards your brother, you and Fangs never said i love you to each other. The two of you have been together for 2 years and haven’t said those words, though you both knew it. You just didn’t think anyone else did.

“Like i said, he’s my best friend and you’re my little sister. I can read the two of you better than you can read each other. You loved him and he loved you. Endlessly.” Sweet Pea took a sip of his coffee before looking at you again, “He told me that he loved you and asked how i felt about it, being your big brother and all. He wanted to make sure he wasn’t stepping over any boundaries with you. I gave him one rule; not to hurt you.” you rested your head on his shoulder as he threw his arm over the back of the bench, “i should punch him the throat for hurting you now.” he joked. You let out a sorry excuse for a laugh, still too sad to manage any other form of emotion.

--

You sat on one of the beat up old couches surrounding the tiny makeshift stage. Everyone was chatting waiting for FP to take center stage and start the meeting. When he did, the whole crowd got quiet, “So before i start this meeting, there’s someone here who was left completely heartbroken because of that damned Sheriff and the lies he spread like wildfire. Y/n, will you come up here please?” He held out his hand for you to come up on stage with him. You hesitated at first, but got up and took hold of his waiting hand as he helped you on stage.

“What’s going on, FP?” you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion at the man who didn’t say anything, just smiled warmly at you.

“The Sheriff lied. He told all of us one of our Serpents was dead.” He yelled out to the crowd, causing your jaw to drop, “No.” you whispered.

“Fangs isn’t dead.” He clarified. You couldn’t stop the tears that poured out of your eyes. FP pointed over to you brother who was helping Fangs walk up to the stage. You immediately jumped down and raced over to him, wrapping your arms around his shoulder. Sweet Pea stood behind Fangs to make sure he didn’t fall backwards. The impact of your body made him gasp in pain, “Sorry. I’m so sorry.” You said as you jumped away from him, letting go and taking a step back.

“You better get back over here and hug me, princess. I’ll bare any pain if it’s for you.” He said smiling at you. You stepped closer to him and slowly wrapped your arms around his neck this time. His arms wrapping tightly around you waist, pulling you closer than ever.

“Don’t ever scare me like that again. I really thought i lost you.” you whispered in his ear. He felt tears hit his shoulder making him pull you closer to him, if that was even possible.

“Don’t cry, princess. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know the Sheriff told you guys i was dead until after the Ghoulie war. I tried to call you the second i woke up but the doctors wouldn’t let me.” He explained. He pulled back from the hug, cupping your face in his hands, “I love you, y/n. God it’s going to kill me how much i love you.” he looked deep in your eyes, every emotion running through his and your eyes.

“Too soon for jokes about you dying, Fangs. But i love you too.” a smile broke out on his face, in turn making you smile as well before he leaned in and kissed you with all of the emotion he had felt the last few days, you kissing back just the same.

[iwantasecretgarden]

Dear Misty,

@mercedeslackeyblog​ - please print this for her in the hospital! I want her to know we all love her and are rooting for her.

You have been one of the icons in my life for as long as I’ve been reading. Seriously. I picked up “Arrows of the Queen” when I was twelve and fell dizzyingly in love. So in love, in fact, that my father bought me the set of them leatherbound. It was one of the last things he ever bought me. They sit on my shelf with me wherever I move to (and I have moved a lot). They are the epitome of my childhood.

How do I even begin to explain what you have meant to me? I wrote you a fan letter in my teens, but I don’t think it ever reached you. Websites were less...polished then. I tried to find a copy to see what I had said, but I don’t have it anymore, so I’ll write this from scratch.

First off, for someone growing up in the 90s, sexuality was a difficult topic. My father was Catholic about it. My mother was liberal about acceptance, but not very liberal about giving us the tools to recognize it. I didn’t really accept the fact I was bi until I was 26 (last year). It was an embarrassing realization, because I had always been conditioned to already think women were interesting and cool and beautiful. But I honestly and truly believe one of the reasons I grew up being so tolerant of sexuality wasn’t my mother’s liberal attitude, but because of the fantasy I read, which didn’t use sexuality as a dramatic plot device. Your books, especially, in depicting queer relationships, poly relationships, and interracial relationships in such an ordinary light, in such a non-complaining, non special, non interesting way (as it should be!) that to me it became ordinary. I didn’t understand the big fuss when people started coming out in eighth and ninth grade. Well of course Brett could like boys. Silverfox did, and he’s one of my favorite characters, a fictional hero who I use to help combat my own anxiety and work through impossible situations. I didn’t understand why liking girls was so shocking. Keren was the impossibly cooler most perfect big sister/coach figure. I was into horse back riding until 16 (when, unfortunately, my horse died). Keren has a lot of the surly riding instructor in her, and it was a far more interesting aspect of her personality than her relationship with Sheri. Keren had even assured Sheri she would have been welcome as their third. As a kid, it hadn’t even occurred to me to make an argument against it. I - Talia’s age - agreed with her. When life gives you child brides and weird cult compounds, it’s better to find love where you can. Genuine love. Regardless of anything else.

Secondly, it was a book I needed when I didn’t know I would need it. A lot of fiction - especially geared at children - skates lightly over topics of depression, anxiety, and loss. Don’t get me wrong, I love Harry Potter with my soul. But even at the age I read it I felt the shallowness of their reactions when Sirius died. I felt my own reaction even crying while reading the book to be stronger. It would infuriate me that the next book they sort of conveniently forgot it had only been a few weeks/months. That Harry was “sad but manageable.” For context, my dad contracted Lou Gehrig’s disease at 44. They told him he had likely already had the disease 10 years. He lost everything; his temper, his dignity, bits of his mind at a time. Any filter between his brain and his mouth. His fine motor control, like holding a spoon. His major motor control, like being able to stand up. He was in a powerchair within the year. As the oldest daughter, it was expected that I would help turn him, change his catheter, and answer his shrill screams in the night. I was fourteen years old. 

Dad and I were inseparable. Father-daughter relationship compounded by the fact he had, in essence with a flexible work schedule, been a stay at home dad. He had been my primary caregiver, my confidante, my chef, my advisor, my everything. And now I was his punching bag as he lost a bit of himself at a time. “My friend, who’s a psychiatrist,” Mom always said it this way, to make sure we knew she wasn’t so weak as to need therapy. A challenge to dare us to say we did. “He says that he’s hardest on you, because he’s most assured of your love. That he can abuse you and scream at you and curse at you because he knows you’ll go back the next day. A moth to a flame.” And me staring blankly at her: “Of course I will.” Because even if it was my worst fear - it was, always had been - even if it hurt worse than I could have ever imagined - his death would have broken me, but only in half. His suffering crushed the pieces of me into dust and left me a gaping black thing sucking in the world - “I love him too much to miss a moment of this.” Even if every minute - every possible second - was me reminding myself I had to breathe and feeling my lungs on fire, my head was on the edge of a migraine, it was impossible to interact, but I had to. I had to smile. To go to high school. To turn in assignments on time regardless of the cost between going to bed at 2 and hearing him scream at 3. 

Your books, though, weren’t fake. I held onto them with the assurance of that one quote: life is the scream into the void; art is the answer you are not alone. I held onto the depression and grief and trauma of your characters and felt sane. If I hadn’t, I might have thought I was losing my mind. I was, of course. And I had been conditioned Catholically to think of mental health as a weakness, a secret shame. I had been told by my mother psychologists and medication were wonderful advancements for those people; sick people. Sick in their mind, she would say smugly. Her adamant assurance was: “We have to go on like usual. We can’t let people know we’re struggling.” And so we did. Social events. Big smiles. Sleepovers (somewhere else, my friends explained, your dad bums us out). People didn’t find out he was dying until prom of my senior year. I was on the receiving end of a lot of horror from teachers (why didn’t you tell us? Ask for an extension?) I had to be normal I wanted to tell them, but I didn’t even know how to begin to explain.

Once a pediatrician told my mom I was deeply angry and tired; I was losing my father. I was fifteen. I needed to see a counselor. My mom went ballistic in a public waiting room. She aggressively turned to me and asked if this was true? There was no chance, of course, for me to disagree. I didn’t even want to. My loyalty to my family was (is) so strong that seeing anyone upset her so badly had put my back against the wall and made me bare my teeth. I reflect a lot on it now; how poorly that doctor handled it, the way she would have bungled it much worse if it had been physical abuse. You never confront the person in front of the child. Never don’t have a safety plan in place. 

“She said you were so young,” my mother snarled on the way home. “When we both know you haven’t been young in years. I watched you. Watched you go from fifteen to twenty in months instead of years. Don’t you think?”

I could only nod, and when I covered my mouth, fingertips touched wet skin. I hadn’t been young in years. 

Darkwind was someone I identified heavily with. Someone who changed his name, cut his hair, let his grief consume him. Someone who shied away from Silverfox’s help. Someone who was glad when his father still got some. The day of my dad’s funeral, I cut off my hair. I was 19. The nightmare had lasted five years. I had stayed home to go to a local college so I could keep living at home, keep shielding my younger sisters, keep driving them to school and viola practice and karate. I had to give up my extracurriculars early on (and lie, of course, on my applications). It was actually a disaster at the hair cutting place (not important, but the lady called the police thinking I had stolen her cell phone which had fallen behind some tools). I went home. My mother took one look at my hair and told me it made my face look fat. “It’s for Dad,” I said steadily. In my mind, I was howling like Darkwind. I wondered if I could break my name into grief and sorrow, but it was too hard to think of the name I might have been, since the person I had been was as dead as dad was. 

On days where my two younger sisters were scared and confused (the youngest was 13 when he died), I read them The Fairy Godmother and One Good Knight. They liked that one especially well. I went on to absorb almost all of your works (I think it’s impossible though, to be honest. There are just so many that either you’re a witch or I keep reading the same ones again and thinking I’ve never read them. For instance, I have a Bard Song on my nightstand right now from a bargain bin. Never read it before. Recently read Four and Twenty Blackbirds). Of course, my favorite series was Valdemar. I know all those characters the best, having reread most of them over again several times. I liked Elemental Masters, 700 Kingdoms (some). I was sad that the Beauty & the Beast stories in both weren’t my favorites (The Fire Rose, Beauty and the Werewolf, since it’s my favorite Disney film (but as your stories follow the traditional fairytale a little closer, and that tale is a bit gross, I understand). I think my favorites were The Firebird, Phoenix and Ashes, Reserved from the Cat, The Wizard of London).

Honestly, I may be a tiny minority, but I ADORE Joust. I was sad there weren’t more of them. I spent much of the time I read them inventing my own dragon egg, my own falling through time and space. My own female girl rider takes on the Team without being just a sidekick who talked to animals. It is hard to recommend or talk about it without people laughing, and I appreciate it IS an incredibly hard-core nerd fantasy genre (ancient Egypt, jousting, dragons). It feels a lot like Anne McCaffery crossed with a Naomi Novik story (since Temeraire and Napoleonic Wars are equally hard-core nerd stories. I was lucky to stumble on that line recently - I feel like there’s not enough of the true blue 80s/90s fantasy voice anymore. Sometimes it feels all too dark and plot driven, lacking the characters and slice of life that your works have nestled in my heart, places like the Palace Compound that I know as well as I knew my middle and high schools. A place as real to me as they are, including my own room. My own Companion. My own Heraldic Whites when I turned 18 and took the leatherbound books from my father in an eyestinging rush of love. 

Even now when I was looking up a list of your work, I’m amazed and appalled to see I haven’t caught any of your works since 2009 or so. HOW MANY ARE THERE 100? 200? I thought there were 70 something, but no, you’ve far outstripped yourself. I usually pick up the books in secondhand shops. I’ll go straight for “L” and then just tip all of them into my arms if I haven’t read them. It’s one of my favorite rainyday activities. I noticed you even have a book out this year! CRAP! It should not be POSSIBLE you can write faster than I can read! I’m 27 and I still read a lot of the books that came out when I was born or in diapers. Sometimes I wonder which books you’ve written are your favorites. If there are books you’ve written you skim through like “hmmm I don’t even remember this” and read it with the same laughing intensity as the rest of us, resting your thumb on “oh yes, this was when I was...”

Anyway. I know this letter is long. You’ve been a saint for even getting this far. So let me say this. When I think of the BEST writers of fantasy in the 20th and 21st centuries, your name is among the greats. I’ll say something like: Anne McCaffery’s Dragonriders of Pern; Orson Scott Card’s Ender’s Game; Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time; Mercedes Lackey’s Valdemar...and EVERYTHING ELSE. A lot more people know the names of George R.R. Martin, of J.K. Rowling, of Neil Gaiman. But none of them have put out the solid, unending stream of work that literally POPULATES what most people consider “fantasy.” Your ideas, your work, your world-building influence television, influence Dungeons & Dragons, other works. You are a Giant in your field, and even if you don’t feel it, you have laid the groundwork for an entire generation to lay themselves reverently on the altar of your sacrifice, your reflection of relationships, and taught young girls like me what it was to embrace themselves, in all shapes - black tar and bi pride. 

I know you probably tire of hearing this, but I want to be an author. And I’m a good writer. I don’t say it boastfully. I say it as something I’ve always heard, from teachers and friends and magazines. But mom said being an author was like being an actor - a pipe dream, a thing to do “on the side” and “as a hobby.” And it is a hobby of mine, for now. I did the Responsible Thing and became a lawyer. It was quite horrible. But I did it. For Dad, you know. Legacy and all that. 

But don’t you DARE die before I’m published. I’m not talking about the hospital right now. I’m talking about choking on a banana; slipping on the sidewalk; getting mobbed by adoring fans. It is literally my bucketlist to publish a book, to meet you, to dedicate the book to a woman who I’ve never met, who I’ve never known, but who had influenced and impacted my life SO profoundly I consider her characters as pieces of myself. Her worlds as places of safety when I’m sad. The helping hand she held out to a twelve year old girl, and fifteen years later the one I’m still gripping tightly. 

YOU are one of the best women in my life, and one of the best role models I’ve ever known. Even if we’ve never met, knowing that you could be a deeply nerdy human who loves horses and magic and reading every day and still be “successful” when the world outside told me I dressed wrong and looked wrong and felt wrong. That I needed to pick up a magazine, or watch sitcoms, or generally stop making them feel pitying and uncomfortable because of the things I liked. You made me proud to be a feminist, an ally, a writer, a dreamer, a reader, and maybe only lately of my sexuality, but still growing and going forward. 

So, here’s lots of love and adoration and gratitude flooding your way from:

One herald (whose companion was someone she knew in real life reincarnated too early, obviously grove born, with mindspeech, with magic, of course and lifebonded with a Kestra'chern. Predictably, I fought the lifebonding every step of the way, and consider him a great nuisance).

One dragon rider in the jousting wars (with a dragon named Altaira (high flying) who is such a deep dark color she seems black but ripples cobalt and violet).

One grateful apprentice to the Fairy Godmother, who herself was saved from one of a great many plots by the impetus of her father’s illness/death.

And of course, from one persnickety lawyer in DC, drowning in student loan debt and of course too many books, one cat too pretty to be a boy named Gandalf, and his Greyhounds (yes, two, who are very lowkey and I think you would like. They’re like large sleeping cats more than dogs, but very friendly with horses). Of course I named the cat Gandalf simply for the introduction of “Gandalf, the Greyhounds.” Originally I wanted to name a dog “Gandalf...the Greyhound” but because of who I am I went to the shelter and asked for the dog least likely to get adopted and sort of came out with a bonded pair and then it seemed they needed twin names so they’re named Fred & George after Harry Potter. 

But rambling aside, I adore you. I adore your books. I adore the world you’ve given freely for us to play in. Get well soon, and lots, lots, and lots of love. I’ll be playing in my worlds today especially a lot, thinking of you.

All the best,

Kaylee

[wherever-i-look-blog]

As Hannah establishes herself as the annoying voice in Clay’s head, Courtney takes the stand and you question if she may still to her lie or reveal the truth.

Network Netflix Director(s) Gregg Araki Writer(s) Thomas Higgins Air Date 5/18/2018 Actors Introduced Nina Jones Samantha Logan Chloe Anne Winters Cyrus Bryce Cass Dennis Wilson Cruz

Maybe You’d Be Better Off Elsewhere?: Tyler, Alex, Zach, Bryce, Jessica, Clay

As the threats continue, so comes the question of what to do? Lie on the stand and hope between the school and Olivia’s lawyers that they don’t have some trump card to catch them in a lie? I mean, they already threatened Jessica, who we learn is sleeping on the floor in her parent’s room just to get through the night. Alex is now getting threats, despite him barely remembering anything, and Tyler? They trashed the yearbook room and the equipment. On top of that, due to him taking pictures of Hannah, and the reputation which came from that, he can’t take pictures of the girls at any events.

It seems Chloe, who thinks Jessica is so brave for coming back after “falsely” accusing her boyfriend of rape, is uncomfortable. Because, you know, not to compare apples and oranges, beyond them both being fruits, she may find the idea of a peeping Tom creepy but dating a guy accused of raping someone, totally different thing.

But, as shown through Zach, Bryce has the mind of a politician. He knows how to spin stuff, cover his tracks, and make you owe him loyalty. Such is the case with Zach’s family now using Bryce’s family lawyer. Which, with Bryce not comfortable with Alex and Zach spending time, perhaps is supposed to buy some influence on that front. However, with Alex’s memory cloudy and him badly wanting those tapes, who knows if Zach or whoever is threatening him, can stop him from telling the truth.

Oh, and it seems Tyler’s dad thinks he should transfer schools. But, with Tyler claiming Alex for a friend and this dude named Cyrus, he talks his dad out of it. For now.

Commentary

Considering the way Bryce’s network is, be it between friends and teammates, I doubt it is him or even Chloe sending the threats. Heck, I bet you Bryce honestly may not know it is even happening. If anything, it is someone riding on Bryce not going down for that would affect their future. But, at the same time, it has to be someone who knows the truth. Which leads you to look at those we haven’t seen yet. Sheri is back from her punishment and seems like she wants no piece of all the drama. Justin is, wherever he is, and likely more worried about his next meal than being subpoenaed. Ryan may have given Tony evidence to burn but, sending threats isn’t his MO.

As for Marcus? Honestly, until I looked at the recaps, I forgot he was even in the first season. However, he is an option. He didn’t want any trouble and being dragged into court is trouble. For lurking beyond whoever is protecting Bryce is everyone fearing their future. College in particular. And while they mostly all are minors, so likely this shouldn’t follow them, with social media in existence, their police records and things of that nature may be sealed, but their reputations still have the possibility to follow. Hence why, whoever this is, would rather keep Bryce protected, so they could go on to great things, rather than be dragged into a courthouse, forced on a stand, and either commit perjury or potentially ruin their future.

For, lest we forget, Bryce’s family has money and I’m sure telling the truth could lead to accusations of slander no one but Bryce’s family can afford to fight. Never mind, with Bryce’s silver tongue, as seen by this Jessica thing, he could probably find a way to make himself a victim.

The Blame Game: Courtney, Olivia, Sonya, Mr. Porter

It isn’t clear how much Sonya is being paid to defend the school, but the school is definitely getting their money’s worth. She breaks Courtney. I’m talking to the point of making it clear she lied on her deposition, she has her come out, and when she confronts Mr. Porter, whose meeting journal just so happens to be missing the page he last saw Hannah, she gives him a taste. Not a thorough lashing, but just a taste so when Dennis comes after him, he’ll be more than prepared.

But, one of the things which must be noted, since this season really about personal responsibility, is how Olivia plays into that. Whether it is not telling Hannah she wasn’t beautiful enough, taking her fear of having a stalker seriously, she realizes she was part of the problem. Not just Courtney who fueled rumors and was part of the cyclone Hannah went through, but with her not getting support at school and it being the same at home, she had a hand in killing her daughter.

Commentary

“They knew what they were doing.”

I forgot how heavy this show could be. Seeing Sonya tear down every wall Courtney had made me feel bad for her. Courtney of all people! And granted, it has been more than a year so my feelings of animosity towards Courtney aren’t as hot as they used to be. However, I still was not fond of this child. But, again Sonya, who strangely I have nothing against, despite her, like Mr. Porter says, taking things a bit far, is so good at her job. She makes it clear that Hannah’s death was a shared thing. Everyone was to blame because everyone was just being human. Often times in the worse way possible, but human nonetheless.

And if I may say, Hannah, showing kindness to Courtney in back treading how Courtney’s first kiss meant nothing was so touching. A part of me, when Katherine Langford was nominated for a Golden Globe was a bit confused, but then you get moments like that which reminds you how underrated a lot of teen, tween, and child actors are. Just because their show isn’t made to appeal to adults. Making their inclusion, unfortunately, seeming more like an anomaly than something which fits alongside their older peers.

It’s Hard To Compete With A Dead Girl: Skye, Clay, Hannah

For reasons she can’t explain, Hannah is full on haunting Clay and isn’t trapped to his room. She can go outside and seemingly anywhere she wants. As for whether she can remember anything and may not just be a means of Clay’s mind coping? Who knows.

What is a fact though is Skye cannot deal with being in a dead girl’s shadow. Especially since, when it comes to Clay, she is trying. I mean, genuinely, she is trying to be a good girlfriend in every way possible. She hangs out with him, is good with his family, tries to be a little freaky to keep things hot but, while Clay loves her it isn’t in such a way which makes Skye feel validated. If not, rather, like a placeholder maybe?

It’s hard to say for Skye is far more invested in Clay than he is her and with him being unable to say he is over Hannah, it leads Skye to doing something drastic. Well, assuming when her mother said she is ill she meant mentally and not physically. Like, maybe, because she didn’t take her insulin or something she got sick suddenly because of dinner.

Commentary

“How am I supposed to compete with that? She’s perfect. And she’s dead.”

I fully believe within the next few episodes I’m going to be bawling tears. How can you not? Being put on the stand is breaking these kids down. Stripping them from the gunk that Hannah and Clay’s perceptions made them dirty with. Now, like newborn babies, after cleaned off, they seem fresh, new, to a point innocent. I mean, Tyler was a creep and Courtney a bastard but, there is this desire to forgive them now. Take note they were teens in a position where their hormones made them idiots. If not survival extinct in the case of Courtney. For, despite having gay dads, as Hannah showed, it’s the world which ultimately has some of the strongest influence on your ability to easily find happiness.

I mean, take Skye. Though a bit broody and a loner in season 1, she opened up to Clay and we saw her smiling, giggling, and probably was in love. Yet, then came the Hannah comparisons, in terms of both her and Clay. Hannah, as we saw, kept trying to make someone her reason for living a weight everyone, including her mom, failed at. As for Skye, because Clay, I guess, brought a sense of normalcy, she craved that. Including dinner with his family and stuff your everyday couple does. Like, have sex.

But when it comes to Clay, I really do believe that his investment in Skye was just so she wouldn’t end up like Hannah. Hence why he ran after her. Hannah’s influence has made it so Clay isn’t able to just sit and ponder anymore. Being stagnant isn’t much of an option. He needs to take initiative, get justice, and compensate for the person he wishes he did save.

Something that may end up ruining his relationships in the future. For everything might just end up being about Hannah. Who, clearly, is now going to haunt him until he figures out a way to rid himself of guilt. That or get some serious therapy.

Question(s) Left Unanswered

What are the chances of Tyler being hit on by Cyrus? There was a bit of chemistry there no? Granted, it could just be for a good friendship but you never know. Tony and Ryan aren’t part of some quota.

Is Nina Jones looking out for a sister or was she too assaulted by Bryce and had to deal with the narrative Jessica did? She seems unknown to Jessica but, considering Bryce has quite the network of older and younger associates, you never know.

Is Jackie trying to vicariously get justice through Olivia? She is a character I barely remember from season 1 so between her and where Andy is, I’m confused a little bit. Not enough for it to bug me but sort of searching in my skull for answers.

How will Sheri play a role in all the drama?

Where is Marcus?

Will Courtney get a love interest?

Collected Quote(s) & .Gifs

Sometimes keeping secrets is how you survive.

Highlights

Sonya finding a way to breakdown season 1’s characters, one by one, and making them sympathetic. Even Courtney.

Who, alongside Hannah, had such a touching scene when Courtney basically came out to Hannah before shaming herself back into the closet.

Sosie Bacon. Her performance as Skye really drives the challenge of maintaining your mental health. Especially while dating someone and that throwing you all the way off.

How Bryce’s hold and people’s silence being established. Especially in terms of this idea that he likely isn’t involved in the circulating threats but it is to his benefit.

Clay dealing with PTSD to the point of manifesting Hannah.

Olivia and Tony’s relationship.

Low Points

Dennis is honestly a terrible lawyer.

On The Fence

Sheri showing up like she is all hard now and is about that thug life.

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Check Out Other TV Recaps

#13ReasonsWhy: Season 2/ Episode 2 "Two Girls Kissing" - Recap/ Review (with Spoilers) As Hannah establishes herself as the annoying voice in Clay’s head, Courtney takes the stand and you question if she may still to her lie or reveal the truth.

[shepherds-of-haven]

How good are all the ROs at math?

(I’m totallyyy not procrastinating on my math homework)

I hope you finished your homework! 📚

Blade: he's fairly good at math, he doesn't need to use it often but if you put a math problem in front of him, he could solve it fairly quickly! I'd say he's certainly more mathematically-minded than he is artistically 😅

Trouble: he's really good at doing math in his head (especially when it comes to stuff like geometry/measuring physical distance and angles--that comes part and parcel with being a sniper) but if you were to make him do math on a piece of paper and explain his process, he'd suddenly be terrible at it? And I think more "obscure" math involving lots of theorems and formulae is a little beyond him, but if you explained it to him in practical terms he can understand, he'd pick it up fairly well!

Tallys: not great at traditional math, complex mathematics isn't really a part of the Elvish curriculum, especially since many tribes don't even use currency, but not terrible at it, either! Like Trouble, she's best at calculating things like angles and distance, and she can multiply/divide pretty big numbers in her head, but she wouldn't be like incredible at calculus or algebra or anything!

Shery: she's excellent at math, probably the strongest of the Shepherds besides Riel! That's why she's a really amazing bookkeeper and is so good at tracking the Order's supplies and requisitions, inventory, balancing their books and funds, and etc.! She was really strong in math at school, which was why she was originally going to be an apprentice/bookkeeper for a merchant!

Riel: brilliant at math, as expected, especially for a businessman. It's actually not what he considers his 'strongest' subject--that would be more 'logic' (like logical puzzles or strategies) or analysis (both of data and of people/trends)--but he's pretty flawless at it and was trained by both his father and his adoptive father at running large business syndicates and trading houses, so he'd better be skilled at it!

Chase: not... great at it, and not interested in being any better! He knows just enough to keep things running with the Thieves Guild and making/stealing enough to keep afloat, but it's more of a street smarts thing than a math thing (like knowing x amount of this thing will buy them enough food to get through the winter). He deals more in ballpark figures than exact numbers! It's vastly better for him to leave the actual math of things to people like Kato and Ari. But he's also the type of person where, if you were to ask him, 'what's 96 x 32?' he'd be like, 'no idea,' but if you were to say, 'if I had 96 ruby necklaces and they each sold for 32 dukes, how much of a profit would I turn?' he would figure it out pretty quickly lol like 'well how big of a cut is your fence taking?' So I guess it's more about phrasing it in ways that interest him, which is hard to do!

Red: pretty solid at math, not like an instantaneous math genius but he was getting A's in class! He's more interested in things like history or research-based magic and arcana, but he's about the same as Blade wherein he can do big numbers in his head and could solve whatever math problem you slid in front of him with decent ease!

Ayla: not great, not horrible, about the same as Tallys! She does well enough to get by in her day-to-day life--like she'll notice if someone shortchanges you during a sale, etc.--but she's not doing math for fun, let's just put it that way! She's the type who typically has to write the numbers out in the air/dirt/on a piece of paper in order to solve them, but she's not totally hopeless, either!

Briony: horrific. truly one of her worst subjects. she's only barely gotten used to how many lyss go into a deucalion and regularly hands merchants the wrong amount of money just hoping they'll either be decent enough to tell her she's wrong or that she can take the loss if she completely bungled it lol. never ever ever ask her to do math for you. aside from basic addition/subtraction/multiplication tables, don't ask her to calculate tip for you, don't ask her to figure out angles, don't ask her how many apples are in seven bushels, she has no idea and will just look at you blankly!

Lavinet: she's pretty strong in math--I would say the scale goes Riel -> Shery -> Lavinet -> Trouble -> Red = Blade -> Halek -> Ayla = Tallys -> Chase -> Briony! She has to do a lot of math and accounting to keep Lockwood running and functioning well, and obviously she has a lot of education under her belt, so she's very good at it! It's not her favorite subject by any means, but you can count on her to have her numbers right!

Halek: he's actually pretty decent in math, he just can't be arsed. So if you were to ask him 'what's 15% of 600' he could figure it out pretty quickly, he just doesn't want to. why are you making him use in his brain that way? get an abacus

[goatatemynametag]

Can we talk about how part of the disappointment in the latest series of Sherlock also probably, in part, stems from nostalgia?

This is a fandom that is known to skew rather young 

(and before any other older Sherlock fan comes at me: yes, I see you, I know you are there, yes there are 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80 and 90 year olds on tumblr who love Sherlock too and are just as valid in their fangirling and feelings but we’re not talking about you right now)

and because of that, this series has been on for a very large portion of it’s younger fanbase’s life. 

Series 1 aired in 2010. Seven years ago, just about, now. Sheries 2 aired in 2012. Five years ago. 

I’m picking out series 1 and 2 because I’m noticing that they seem to be the gold standard. One of the few things that ALL of the fandom can agree is on is that Reichenbach was the pinnacle of the show. Series 3 is hotly debated as either the best thing ever (after series 2) or where the show started to go off the rails. Series 4 literally just aired last night as of this writing, so we can only tell with time whether there will be a consensus or not. 

So

Imagine you are 23 or 20 or even 18 right now. This means that series 1 aired when you were 16 or 13 or 11. Prime time for making memories that are later found to be coated over in a sheen of nostalgia so thick that any negativity or flaws are seemingly non existent. 

Like when you return to a park that you played at as a child and notice that everything is so small. Or you look at pictures of yourself and think ‘my god, who let me out of the house with that hair/outfit/shoes/etc.’, but you know that at the time, you thought you were the most beautiful, non-conformist, awesome fashionista to ever walk the earth. 

Its the same thing with Sherlock. At the time, series 1 and 2 were ~*FLAWLESS*~. Moffatt and Gattiss and Thompson were GENIUSES and amazing and some of the best writers to have ever touched a pen to paper!

And even now, you barely hear about the racist undertones of The Blind Banker. I can only imagine what the fandom reaction would be if that episode were to air now. There’d be boycotts of the show and an awkward “sorry if you were offended” non-apology from Sue Vertue or someone. 

But now, for everyone in the fandom, things have changed so much. People have gone through college/university. Established themselves at a job. Gotten married. Had kids. Or perhaps gotten divorced. 

Everyone, but especially so for the younger members of the Sherlock fandom, have grown so much since this show’s beginning. 

Maybe it’s not the writing that’s changed. Maybe it’s not Moffatt and Gattiss and Vertue that have changed. Maybe it’s you. And that’s definitely not a bad thing.

[danithebookaholic-blog]

Long-Distance Relationships

I feel like handling long distance relationships is something that I should be good at by now. While Jack and I were high school sweethearts, we did not attend the same high school. Actually we didn't even live in the same town. We lived 30 minutes from each other, and for a couple of teenagers, 30 minutes is long distance. Then once we got married we moved around a lot with him being in the military, and then of course there were the times he was on deployment as well. My life has been built around long distance relationships, and yet I don't feel like I do a very good job of managing them.

Now, don't get me wrong, over the years I have become better with maintaining them. In the beginning I was terrible at it. Remember I got married practically straight out of high school, so my maid-of-honor was my best friend in high school. And you know what? I haven't spoken to her in almost 10 years. She was my best friend, my rock, we did everything together. She stood by my side and supported my marriage to my husband, and I haven't talked to her in almost as many years as I've been married. How sad is that? It makes me sad!

But I get it. People change. They grow up for one, and move in different directions and grow apart. It happens every day. I mean, think about it, when was the last time you spoke to your best friend from high school? Are you even still friends? Or are you now just acquaintances? Or are you complete strangers?

Jack somehow got lucky on this front. His friends from high school were not only his groomsmen in our wedding, but they're still his best friends and Fantasy Football teammates. How in the world this man still has friends from high school is beyond me, other than his friends try very hard to keep the friendship going. Since he has joined Fantasy, their lines of communication have been a bit better, but it wasn't always so. Most of the time, Jack's friends know that if they really need to get in contact with him they have to call me and I hand him my phone.

But me, I try. Or at least I think I do. I was in a sorority in college, and I haven't spoken to pretty much all of my sisters since my wedding. Granted, it didn't help any that I was in it one year before getting married and then bounced around between a couple different colleges due to the military life, but they're my sisters! We should have had a closer relationship, right? Even my college roommate I pretty much don't talk any more. We occasionally like something of the others on social media, but that's it. At least it's more communication than I have with my BFF from high school.

Somehow or another I, like Jack, lucked out when it came to my closest friends. Mine just came later in life. Ashley, Laurel, Shelby and Sheri are the best of friends that I could ever ask for (not that my MoH or roommate aren't amazing too!) Laurel has never met the others. She only knows them through stories, and they her the same way. The other three have met, but mostly just in passing or during a random run session when two of them wanted to run on the same day. They all are complete opposites, but yet exactly the same, and I think that's why I get a long with them so well, and try extra hard at keeping their friendships, even though they all live at least a couple hours away.

Ashley is exactly like me when it comes to loving with all of her heart (and that includes wine!) She is always looking for a new workout to keep herself in shape and sane (you can thank her for the weekly workouts, I started making those for her!), and she is always there to lend an ear when you need it. However she is exactly like Jack in every other way! And I know this is what makes me love her even more than our similarities. After all, they say opposites attract.

Laurel is my fun-loving, cool-mom friend. She is the only one with children out of my close gal pals, but she is the coolest mom! She's an educator and a real life librarian! (Now you see why I love her! - She loves books just as much as me!!) But I love her for more than her love of books. She's funny and always keeping me on my toes. She wonders where her daughter gets all of her silly crazy faces. Well, Laurel, they come from you! The best person personality wise that I can equate Laurel to is Taylor Swift. And I know she will take that as a compliment!

Shelby is a lot like me. Probably more so than the others. She's quiet, strong willed, and when she speaks you probably need to listen. She is my personal running coach. She's the reason why I ran my first half-marathon at the pace in which I did, and it's because she is a gazelle and no hill could ever wear her out! Ha! Seriously, she would run circles around me during our long runs while I was barely standing because I couldn't breathe! I also consider her my "educated" friend - not that the other aren't educated, one is an educator, another a doctor, and the other recently went back to school for a doctorate degree - but I say this because she knows something about everything, and on the rare occasion she doesn't, she has no problem admitting that she doesn't, followed by researching the topic until she knows just about everything about it. While most people would think that the fact that we're so much a like would probably be what I love most about her, it isn't. It's her "educated" status that I love most. 

Sheri is my youngest and fun-loving friend. On top of this, I'm not 100% positive, but she might be part of the mob. Just kidding. But I do know that if I ever came to find myself in a bind - possibly with a body that needed taken care of - she's the friend that I would call. She's that kind of friend. She's full of life and ready for adventure, and still has those wonderful childlike virtues. Not that she's virtuous in the slightest (as I'm sure the mob comment above implied.) Besides Jack's childlike behaviors, she's the reason that I'll stay young and I love her most for this.

These four women have have somehow gotten me to do more to keep our relationship alive than all the other people I have met in my life. I randomly send them "thinking of you" texts, have 20-minute catch-up phone calls, and even go 45 minutes out of my way just to catch a quick bite to eat on their lunch break. To be honest, these are things I don't even do for my own brother! (Sorry Osc!) But it's something that I wish I could do for all of those really great friends I once used to know - my BFFs from high school, my college roommate, my KD sisters - and I wish they could do it for me. 

"Surround yourself with greatness and you too will become great." I don't know who said these words (I'm positive someone famous did), either way, I agree with them wholeheartedly. Without Jack and these women and their spouses in my life I would not be great. I don't know why I work so incredibly hard on these long distance relationship more so than I do others, but I'm sure that when I made the decision to do so it was because subconsciously I saw something great in each of them and knew they were people I needed to surround myself with. They've got a death-grip on my heart, and this is what I really love most about each of them!

 From one loving bookaholic to another, I hope I’ve helped you find your next fix. —Dani

  Love this post? Check out The Dixie Swim Club by Jessie Jones, Nicholas Hope and Jamie Wooten. While it's not an actual book, but a screenplay, these five women remind me so much of me and my adult BFFs. Their friendships with each other are something I strive for in my own.

Five Southern women, whose friendships began many years ago on their college swim team, set aside a long weekend every August to recharge those relationships. Free from husbands, kids and jobs, they meet at the same beach cottage on North Carolina's Outer Banks to catch up, laugh and meddle in each other's lives. THE DIXIE SWIM CLUB focuses on four of those weekends and spans a period of thirty-three years. Sheree, the spunky team captain, desperately tries to maintain her organized and "perfect" life, and continues to be the group's leader. Dinah, the wisecracking overachiever, is a career dynamo. But her victories in the courtroom are in stark contrast to the frustrations of her personal life. Lexie, pampered and outspoken, is determined to hold on to her looks and youth as long as possible. She enjoys being married—over and over and over again. The self-deprecating and acerbic Vernadette, acutely aware of the dark cloud that hovers over her life, has decided to just give in and embrace the chaos. And sweet, eager-to-please Jeri Neal experiences a late entry into motherhood that takes them all by surprise. As their lives unfold and the years pass, these women increasingly rely on one another, through advice and raucous repartee, to get through the challenges (men, sex, marriage, parenting, divorce, aging) that life flings at them. And when fate throws a wrench into one of their lives in the second act, these friends, proving the enduring power of "teamwork," rally 'round their own with the strength and love that takes this comedy in a poignant and surprising direction. THE DIXIE SWIM CLUB is the story of these five unforgettable women—a hilarious and touching comedy about friendships that last forever… (source)

Start a conversation: What do you do to keep long distance relationship going? Is there someone out there that you wish you could reconnect with?

[miss-m-calling]

Yuletide 2017 letter

Dear writer,

Thank you for writing for me! I hope my prompts inspire you, I am very eager to read whatever you write.

Fair warning: my prompts can get pretty verbose, and there are spoilers.

My AO3 page

The Marianne Trilogy - Sheri S. Tepper

Characters: any (Marianne Zahmani, Makr Avehl Zahmani, Aghrehond, Therat)

What is this canon: Low fantasy, feminist trilogy about Marianne, a student at an American university who comes from the tiny, fictional country of Alphenlicht, wedged in between Turkey and Iran, with a native religion that vaguely resembles Zoroastrianism, a long tradition of both light and dark magic, and civil conflict with echoes of the Cold War (one part of the country seceded with Soviet help). Marianne is financially dependent on her abusive older brother Harvey, but trying to assert her independence. Then she meets Makr Avehl, a cousin and de facto president of Alphenlicht, who’s both a mage and a charmer. And then Marianne gets targeted by dark magic and has to become self-assertive and figure out how to save herself, even as Makr Avehl also tries to save her (and sweep her off her feet), often with more complicated results than he intended. Every book introduces a different set of magical challenges, most of which transport Marianne to a different constructed/magical realm, with disturbing parallels to the cruelties of the real world and some interesting meta commentary on gender relations. Also in the mix are Aghrehond, Makr Avehl’s loyal retainer, chauffeur, and all-around kind soul, and Therat, an intense young mage in training.

While I have a like-get-annoyed relationship with most of Tepper’s work I’ve read, I adore this trilogy unreservedly. I love the mixture of dark fantasy, sly humor, creepiness, complex magical systems and surreal constructed/parallel/hidden worlds described in just enough detail while remaining, for lack of a better word, magical, the intersection of old and new and invented worlds... I adore Marianne, whose lives (it makes sense in context) have made her many things: the traumatized yet defiant survivor, the semi-skillful player of the game of life and magic, the lover and wife and mover-and-shaker in her own right. Her relationship with the other characters - romantic, sometimes overbearing, arrogant, yet loving and lovable Makr Avehl; intense and dedicated Therat; loyal, warm, kind, humorous Aghrehond - are so rich and wonderful. I love all the playing with and inverting and deconstruction of tropes and cliches, the aforementioned magical/constructed/parallel worlds of whimsy and creepiness that riff on ordinary aspects of the real world while also running on their own internal logic…

Some prompts:

Any/all of these characters visit the Cave of Light and then try to solve a problem or complete a quest (however grand, mundane or cracky) according to its message.

Road trips with Aghrehond - exploring Alphenlicht and/or magical realms.

Marianne said at the end of the last book that Therat may be surprised – I’d love to see what might surprise Therat, in addition to Marianne and Makr Avehl’s firstborn sharing her name. Or give me Makr Avehl having to work closely with Therat due to some magical/mystical/political issue, given that he’s always dropping unsubtle hints about her scary eyes. Or Aghrehond being deferential yet unintimidated by Therat - and maybe even making Therat laugh.

Any/all of these characters end up visiting fields on the board-game from book 3 which the book didn’t describe – what kind of a place do they encounter? What (probably dangerous, troubling, and/or creepy) adventures do they have?

Marianne promised to meet Queen Buttercup for a meal at Frab Junction’s Marveling Galosh – magical promises are serious things, so what happens when Marianne has to make the date and the others come to save her and possibly get in each other’s way more than they help?

I loved how canon gently sent up Makr Avehl’s image of himself as Marianne’s protector/lover/white knight in the first and third books’ magical worlds. Actually, Makr Avehl as the Freudian chimera in book 1 and as the hapless hero in book 3 are my favorite things about this canon, beside the general worldbuilding and Marianne’s character development. So I’d love to see more variations on that theme - Makr Avehl as Marianne’s hero, both swoony and ridiculous, gentle yet lecherous, intense and funny with it - either in the real world or in some new (and sinister) magical realm (you can tell that I would love worldbuilding for this canon).

As a general note, I do ship Marianne/Makr Avehl, but I would prefer any shippiness to remain at the books’ level, so nothing too explicit and nothing that overwhelms the non-shippy plot, please. I’m more into this canon for the worldbuilding and the inventive magic, and I like how the books mix the shippiness with adventure, magical horror, and often-meta humor. Oh, and I would prefer not to have Harvey Zahmani or Madame Delubovoska appear in the story - they can be mentioned, just no walk-on parts for them please. Walk-on parts for Marianne’s parents or aunt, or for Makr Avehl’s sister are fine.

Starred Up

Characters: Oliver Baumer, Eric Love

What is this canon: British prison movie, very pared back and austere and yet super emotional in how the relationships between the main characters play out. Eric Love (played by Jack O’Connell) is a 19yo who gets “starred up” (i.e. transferred from a young offenders’ institution to an adult prison before he’s 21) for being too violent for juvvie. On his first day, he’s involved in a violent incident and crosses the path of Oliver Baumer (played by Rupert Friend), a volunteer counselor who runs an anger-management group for the prisoners and decides Eric would benefit from being in his group. Also in the mix is Eric’s father Neville (played by Ben Mendelsohn), a lifer who pushes Eric toward a harder mode of masculinity. The father-son relationship is the movie’s main emotional axis, but so is the relationship between Eric and Oliver (and Eric’s growing friendships with some of the other men in the group).

Yes I do ship it, I do, I do!

Ahem. Don’t get me wrong, I liked what the movie did with the father-son relationship and its influence on both men’s character development -- but I really wish they hadn’t got Oliver out of the action before the story’s climax (not like that!). The final denouement with Love father and Love son was great, as was the hint at the end that Eric learned something in anger-management group and has a support network that will help him a lot, but I would have wanted to see more of the intriguing dynamic between Eric and Oliver - the intelligent, semi-feral, yet not-incorrigible, young thug and the educated, dedicated, kind yet aware of his own potential for violence, slightly older counselor.

The confrontational and oddly flirtatious way Eric quickly gets a rise out of Oliver when Oliver comes to pick him up from his cell, the way Oliver immediately jumps to Eric’s defense when they meet under such adverse circumstances and keeps sticking up for Eric again and again, how Eric barely puts on a front before he lets Oliver and the group influence him, Oliver’s far-too-involved “I want him” and Eric telling his father that Oliver’s a better man than Neville – it all made me want more. I would love to see Oliver return to holding his group in prison, so the two of them can interact more, either in the movie’s immediate aftermath or years down the line (it was hinted that Eric will be serving a very long sentence - more than thirteen years, and probably for killing his mom’s asshole boyfriend, if I understood Neville’s oblique reference right).

Some prompts – if you’d prefer to keep it smut-free and relatively sublimated, I’d love more scenes from anger management or the free-flowing conversations in group, either with the other men present (because I loved their group dynamics, their training in anger management techniques, and their ribald, un-PC, yet constructive talk) or in a one-on-one session between Oliver and Eric, as they deal with their personal histories and experiences (we know quite a bit about Eric’s crappy life, but why does Oliver, by his own admission, NEED to be there, volunteering in a prison? Did/do his own violent impulses spill over despite his acute awareness of them?) If you could work in an oblique or open-but-undramatic admission/declaration that they both know there’s something there but they probably don’t want to name it, get into the details, and it’s too frustrating given their circumstances, but they both know and accept it’s there - well, I would love that.

If you want to write smut, the logistics may be tricky, but I suspect an emergency in the prison might require a lock-down, so Oliver gets temporarily stuck in Eric’s cell or another room with only Eric for company. Or Eric is eventually released and crashes with Oliver while he adjusts (with difficulty) to the outside world, and there’s awkwardness, probably some male chest-thumping, and eventually fucking with the realization that they’ll never be complete equals in terms of the power dynamic between them (in the sense that Oliver is more educated and of a better social status BUT Eric would win in a fight, so it’s a constant push-pull rather than one of them always having the upper hand).

If it happens in prison, it could be a few months after the movie, or it could be after Eric has had some time to become a fully mature adult – and has spent enough time in prison to accept the truth of his father’s taunt about the appeal of a tight, hairy asshole. (On a side note, while Neville had no idea whether his son was a virgin or not, this would definitely be either Eric’s first time or his first time in a really long time. And I do headcanon Oliver as either gay or bi, his comment about sex with women more to save face in front of the group than anything else, but you can “play” their sexual histories any way you like, if they’re even relevant to what you want to write.) Eric might seem like the logical initiator and/or dominant partner, but then Oliver might (or might not!) surprise him and is definitely the one more in touch with himself. Is it ha-ha-we’re-locked-in/stuck-together-as-housemates, I-dare-you-to-pass-the-time-and/or-help-my-emotional-stability-with-a-fuck – or is it hell-shit-fuck-something-has-been-percolating-between-us-and-now-we’re-locked-in-together, possibly with a side of cry-me-a-river-you-want-to-know-how-long-it’s-been-for-me-well-I’m-not-telling?

In any scenario, I think there could definitely be some verbal taunting/flirting about who wants/is eager to do what or is good at doing something. There may be some sniping comments about logistics and (lack of) condoms and barebacking and what men get up to in prison. There probably wouldn’t be deep discussions about sexual identity - if anything, one of them might try to taunt or tease the other in order to keep defenses up, only to get a “yeah, that’s true actually, what are you going to do about it” kind of disarming answer. The sex could be pretty rough or go-for-it-no-frills, yet enthusiastic and eager and unexpectedly tender (even if either or both don’t want to admit it), in that way the canon has of jerking the characters from violent confrontation to something deeper and gentler without warning. (Again, a non-binding headcanon of mine: I do have this idea that, at some point, probably not their first time but when they’re used to each other and have a chance to take their time and have real privacy, Oliver would ignore Eric’s come-on-already and go super slow, to make Eric fall apart with pleasure *and* have an actual emotional reaction to sexual intimacy, which he wouldn’t be able to brush off as just of the moment.) There could be a progression/escalation of sexual contact over a series of encounters, possibly starting with just words or masturbation (of oneself or the other or mutual) or some other form of arousal, to blowjobs and who already knows how to give them and who expects them as a given and who learns how to give them, and ending in full-on screwing.

The Village (TV)

Characters: Clem Allingham, Stephen Bairstow

What is this canon: BBC show that ran for two six-episode seasons in 2013-2014 (never officially cancelled but unlikely to continue, it ends with some resolution as well as plenty of loose ends for fic continuation). The titular Derbyshire village serves as a cross-section of British rural society in the early twentieth century - S1 covers World War I, while S2 goes through the early 1920s. There’s an ensemble cast, lots of political, social, and private drama (think Downtown but actually semi-realistic), and we spend equal amounts of time with a hardscrabble farming family, the Allingham clan who own the local ‘big house’ and have demons of their own, and various assorted villagers (the Methodist preacher and his idealistic daughter, the socialist schoolteacher, the social-climber shopkeeper and his snooty wife, etc.). The two characters I nominated and requested are the Allingham family matriarch (played by Juliet Stevenson) and the brash Yorkshireman (played by Joe Armstrong) who arrives at the village as a police detective then gradually makes himself indispensable to the Allinghams.

My surprise ship from a show I didn’t expect to have any ships for! For real, the show can get pretty dreary and awful things happen to everyone (much like in life), but these two had such a great dynamic, and I thought the actors had wonderful chemistry, and I also like older woman/younger man ships as well as ships with a class difference (not so that one holds all the power over the other, more so that there’s always tension springing from differences of upbringing and life expectations). I just love how they only manage to be themselves with each other (their frank talk in the chapel on the day of Edmund’s wedding), I love the class tension and spikiness (they go from Bairstow grabbing Lady A’s wrist while she sputters in outrage in one of their first encounters to her playfully threatening to send him back to Yorkshire if he continues to swear in her presence and bopping him on the nose for good measure toward the end of S2!), and common-cause camaraderie of their relationship.

They’re both such rich characters, and together they’re a kind of quiet fireworks. Lady Allingham tries to keep up appearances and good cheer and be the perfect Edwardian hostess, but she has a sense of humor and is a lot savvier than you'd expect. People dismiss her as old-fashioned and out of touch, she can be a drama queen, but she's no fool, although she lets some unfortunate things happen in her family. And Bairstow is really kind of a dick (his treatment of Agnes the factory girl made me want to slap him), but he too is funny, extremely competent, not above manipulating and blackmailing just about anyone, plays up his working-class Northern origins while claiming that the war erased class distinctions until he gets a painful reminder that it didn't. He's dismissive of most people, but shows his softer side with several village women coping with their sons' war trauma - and with Lady A. I’d even say he always plays straight with her, rather than manipulating her (for example, their conversation in the library about needing to get Edmund hitched), because while they snipe at each other all the time, they also appreciate what each brings to the table, and by the end of S2 they've become allies or co-conspirators. And Lady A in turn allows her mischievous side to come through when dealing with Bairstow, like in the “impotentia coeundi” scene - she takes all of half a second to start volleying double entendres at the clueless Hankins while Bairstow grins on the sidelines.

In terms of prompts, I would love to see some recognition on both their parts that, despite all their differences, they’re a natural match.

Maybe Lady A tries to express her gratitude for Bairstow organizing the return of her grandson and that opens the way for them to get closer. Bairstow, who doesn’t like talking about himself if he can get others spilling secrets, could reveal more of his background to Lady A - the few clues canon provides are tantalizing. Lady A could reveal more about her marriage and how she has retained a girlish love of Jane Austen-esque romance through it. Maybe you can bring the story forward, into the late 1920s/early 1930s, to show how their relationship evolves and deepens when the Allinghams and Britain encounter a new dark period. Their relationship could remain as unspoken/sublimated or as out in the open as you want to make it.

Or heck, I would love something as outrageous as Lady A, who made it clear after her husband’s suicide that she has limited patience for hypocrisy and social expectations, deciding to throw caution to the wind and elope or embark on a torrid affair with Bairstow, and all the scandal and family drama that would cause (seeing George, Edmund, Harriet, and Caro’s reactions or the commentary from the villagers would be welcome but not obligatory). Bairstow holds an ambiguous social position, sort of between a servant, an employee, and a poor family member/hanger-on, but he is definitely not a socially acceptable partner for a widowed, aristocratic matron. And that’s what I love about the idea!

If you decided on smut or something smut-adjacent, I could see a lot of push-pull, some gentle (or not so gentle, though they’d know at once if they went too far) mockery and giggles, neither wanting to show vulnerability but doing it anyway, some negotiation - in the sense of working up and psyching themselves up to the main event - between the guy with the bum leg who’s used to using his lovers rather than treating them as equals and the woman from a buttoned-up era whose only experience of sex may well have been with her unstable husband. Or just show me these two giving each other support and continuing to enjoy flirting/sniping/confiding in each other/putting each other in their respective places, as they do.

LIKES:

I love pre-canon, canon, post-canon, canon-divergent, and “missing scene from canon” stories. I love character-driven and plot-driven stories equally, and I love fics which mix humor and angst/serious business when appropriate for the canon.

I love irony, snark, 5+1 stories, bittersweet endings, hopeful endings, happy endings, unhappy-but-stoic (in terms of where the characters end up) endings, ambiguous or and-the-adventure-continues endings, canon-fitting humor, characters who are their own worst enemies as well as those who learn to get over themselves, characters with conflicting values which may or may not be reconciled/resolved in a believable and IC way, characters who treat each other with respect and as equals even if they hate/annoy/can’t stand/love to dislike each other.

I love workplace stories (this can mean anything from an office/procedural setting to anything that revolves around the canon world in which the characters live) in which the characters are competent and dedicated to the job, and while they may not be exactly friends and they may well irritate one another, they still manage to rub along to get the job done and maybe even grow to care about one another (much to their surprise and sometimes reluctance/discomfort). For friendship and family dynamics, I love to see how the many layers long relationships of this kind can play out: the recrimination, the regrets, the humor, the love.

In terms of ship dynamics, I love (where it fits the characters) banter, competitiveness or antagonism shading into attraction (this tension need not be resolved), bickering yet loving couples, faithfulness, characters who are serious about their romantic interests, characters who think they are much better at flirtation than they actually are, characters forced to work together only to prove much more compatible than they initially assumed, fics which mix an exploration of characters’ professional and everyday lives with shipping.

I don’t have any very specific likes for smut, other than smut fitting the characters – show me how their canon dynamics spill over into the bedroom (or other place of congress). Oral, vaginal, anal, manual (ifyouknowwhatImean) – it’s all good, go as veiled or as explicit as you like. I also like sexual scenarios that subvert expectations a little and surprise the characters themselves (e.g., the person who’s usually quiet or more passive taking charge, the more aggressive person goes with it possibly snarking or commenting on it as long as they can). And I like sexual scenarios that contain an element of competition, antagonism, people having to overcome their own inhibitions or insecurity by just bulling through to where they can let themselves enjoy it, oh-god-this-is-a-bad-idea-but-we’re-going-for-it, I-hate-that-I-want-you-oooh-don’t-stop, not wanting to admit feelings or show vulnerability except oops it happens anyway, whether the characters acknowledge it or not, or just people getting way more into it or being more affected by it than they thought they would. Also situations in which people have been acting competitive or fine-fine-shut-up-already and then jump into the sex with great enthusiasm even if still snarking. Also situations in which people who’ve wanted each other for a long time but couldn’t admit or act on it for reasons - and maybe weren’t sure or wouldn’t let themselves believe the desire was mutual - finally get a chance to do it, and it’s intense and emotional.

DNWs:

Hard kinks, MPREG, A/B/O, knotting, D/s, incest, genderswap and genderbent characters, non-con, dub-con, torture and abuse, dwelling on bodily fluids (mentions of gore and come are fine, but no loving detail please), vore, toilet humor, character bashing, soulmates and soul marks, major character death (unless it’s canon), pregnancy and children as the lynchpin of the story, characters agonizing over/analyzing/dwelling on their or others’ sexuality as if it’s the sum total of their existence, secondary characters acting like shipping the main pair is their be all and end all, teeth-rotting fluff and schmoop, issuefic, fic written in the first or second person, holiday setting or theme, fics which revolve around weddings and birthdays, AUs which have nothing to do with canon (cop characters working in a coffee shop, high-school janitor characters in space, etc.)

[slorg]

still having crazier dreams than normal. last night’s one was super weird.

I was in a psych ward, not sure how I got there but I remember at some point my mum came and dropped some clothes off and didn't talk to me. There were a bunch of staff there like I think my old therapist worked there. One of the doctors was an old wog man who looked a bit like my nunnu but only wore sweatpants which I thought was not very doctorly. At one point I made friends with an aboriginal looking boy and a crazy blonde girl, we went and did a GTA style mission together on flinders street at night, lol. it was very follow the damn train CJ After that I was kissing the boy but I was not enjoying it at all. I was carrying a cold canister, I think it had something to do with the mission but I don't remember what, but this thing was pressing against my shoulder while we were kissing and when we were finally done it was stuck to me and i pulled it away and a bunch of my skin came off with it. the boy just laughed. There was a school connected to the ward. The day after I was shaking violently, couldn't stop and there was a big bowl of bananas in the ward and I know that shaking can be caused by potassium shortage so I walked into the school area with two big blankets wrapped around me and waited for the wog doctor to finish so I could ask if i could eat a banana. It sounds silly but it didn't feel so in my dream, you have to ask for anything in psych wards. He really didn't want me to eat a banana apparently, he kept ignoring my complaints so I tried to get up to leave but I could barely move my body under the weight of the blankets and I told him this then i fell to the floor. I couldn't walk now either. He told me I could go see the other doctor who was on duty and I said "gladly". This doctor talked to me about what was wrong, and he watched my hand shake and pressed against the veins on my wrist and it made my hand shake even more. I said "this means it has to do with my circulatory system, right?" and he nodded. He started suggesting me these pills, called kalzone or K-N or something like that but I said I didn't want any pills, just a banana. then he injected this thing into my neck and popped it like it was a menthol filter in a cigarette. I got really upset saying I never consented to any medication and "I'm going to sue the pants off of you". This got the attention of the other patients who apparently were sick of the mistreatment as well, but never stood up about it. I ran into Sheri and she told me not to, that it was a good place and I said it was except for the doctors and unlike every other patient I was only ever nice and helpful to the staff yet I was treated so badly. I'm trying to get all my things together so I can leave but it's hard cos whatever he gave me is making me space out a lot and forget what I'm doing plus I can't walk, I'm stumbling everywhere in my mound of blankets trying to organise myself. Then a new person comes into the ward and he's a little indian boy and he has tiny hands and he puts them up against mine. All the other patients seem to chill out a bit and I was hoping for a revolt but it doesn't seem so anymore, there's just me and two other people leaving together. I only remember what one of them looks like and she's a skinny little ginger girl. Now we're leaving the ward and it's a big grassy plain and there's a race going on at the same time like we're caught in the middle of this marathon, there was a massive steep hill and I'm running down it so fast (i'm terrified of steep hills and going fast) i'm overtaking this athletic girl and i end up crossing the finish line before her, lol. I think that's when I woke up.