#basically fuck tom hooper

[phoebe-delia]

Hello :-) ! I was wondering what’s your favorite thing you’ve ever seen in a museum? And what are your opinions on Cats (the musical) (and it’s subsequent film adaptation) (feat. Taylor Swift)?

Hello!!! Thank you so much for this question!

I think my favorite thing I've seen in a museum is probably the Mona Lisa. I remember thinking she was a lot smaller than I thought.

And oh boy, Cats.

I like the musical. I do. I grew up on it, and I don't blame those who don't like it. But I do, and I stand by it.

Now the movie.

Not even Taylor Swift herself could save that movie.

It was an absolute trainwreck. Quite possibly one of the worst things I've ever seen with my eyes.

Bad CGI/butthole drama aside—literally, like, just pretend the CGI is perfect, okay? The acting. My god, the acting. Most of the actors were basically exaggerated versions of themselves, rather than the cats/characters. And Jason Derulo as Rum Rum Tugger—just. WHY??? I LOVE Tugger, so fucking much. And Jason Derulo—he made Tugger into this oversexualized character and yes Tugger has an interesting vibe to him but Jason Derulo made it so...just *shudders*. Like—Tugger is a curious cat, not a horny cat.

But honestly, I expected nothing less from the man who let Russell Crowe do a musical. Tom Hooper should not be allowed to direct more movie musicals after what he pulled with Les Mis. (And the merits of having actors sing live in a movie adaptation is another conversation and goes back to my point that the WHOLE IDEA OF MAKING A MOVIE MUSICAL IS TO USE MOVIE MAGIC TO MAKE IT BETTER!! If you're going to have people sing live, hire professional broadway singers and do a pro shot! I stg. Anyway that's another movie musical lol).

Thanks so much for the ask! What's your favorite thing you've seen in a museum? (And if you have any thoughts on Cats I'd love to hear those too lol)

Ask me things!

[tomwambsmilk]

I apologize in advance because this isn't succession related at all, but I saw a take, and I am going to Vague.

Yes, there's absolutely a subculture of musical/broadway purists who pit actors' performances against each other unnecessarily and look down on people for personal preference in what performance or recording they prefer.

But.

There is a massive difference between "I'm looking down on you because you prefer the movie soundtrack to the broadway soundtrack" and "the music in 2012 les miserables was genuinely a crime against both the musical and the actors involved. the degree of creative freedom the actors were given meant that some of the emotional inflections and character beats changed dramatically from what they were intended to be in the written music. It was also next to impossible for the separately-recorded orchestra to properly accompany them because they fucked up some of the rhythms beyond belief, largely because a) most of them were not professionally trained musical performers who understood the principle of 'catching up later' after they extended a note for dramatic effect in order to maintain the overall rhythms of the music, and b) the piano accompanist kept altering the music to fit the new rhythms so the actors didn't even know they were off, but this is NOT something the massive orchestra could really do well when trying to record along with the pre-recorded vocal track, which is why in some scenes some of the musical beats are just Off because despite their best efforts there was literally no way to line it up properly with the vocal performances while preserving the integrity of the music.

On top of that the ridiculous emphasis on 'realism' led to actors being deliberately dehydrated and exhausted while having to sing for 12 hours a day which led to vocal performances of a notably lesser quality, which is why they all sounded so much better when they were performing live for the award shows. it's absolutely fine to prefer those performances - there are many reasons why personal taste might lead you to enjoy them more, and that's fine! - but this is one of those situations where, from a musical and technical standpoint, the performances in the movie are objectively worse than literally any of the many, many live show recordings (each of which features notably distinct performances catered to each actor's particular style and interpretation, so it isn't just 'they weren't singing in the one specific way I want them to') and came at a ridiculous cost to the health and well-being of the actors for what basically amounted to a publicity stunt. Tom Hooper has never understood what makes musicals work and so has never properly understood how to adapt them to film, y'all (and by y'all I really mean film critics, not the average viewer) were just so impressed by the 'singing live' gimmick that you refused to be critical of the decrease in quality which was a direct result of it.

Also. If you had listened to the professionals who criticized Tom Hooper's adaptation and directorial style at the time you wouldn't have been so surprised by what happened with Cats, which is ALSO musically trash but everyone misses that because they're so fixated on the bonkers cat CGI."

[simptasia]

Top 5 Cats the Musical moments AND Top 5 Cats the Musical Movie moments? 😂

oh bless you!!

tho i have to say i’m not nearly as familiar with cats as a stage musical as i am the movie. i’ve seen bits and pieces of the 98 version (i’ve seen misto’s, skimble’s and griz’s songs fully. and parts of the other songs, enough to know what they sound like. and like i watched somebody else watch the 98 version, which gave me the Gist but it’s not the same, obviously). meanwhile i’ve seen the 2019 version 3 times (been on painkillers every single time! not on purpose just amazing timing) AND i’ve watched all of the scenes over and over and analysed it to bits..... so mayhaps i’m a tad underqualified here

so i can give a top 5 for 2019 cats but i don’t feel secure in doing the same for the 98 version. BUT i will say this: all of misto’s song is amazing and “presto” hits harder than any drug. misto’s presto is deservedly iconic

okie this is gonna be hard for me. 98 the problem is i don’t have enough cuz i haven’t seen it properly. 2019 the problem is theres just too many

also i’d like to preface this by saying im at a point where i genuinely adore this movie (aware of the problems, certainly) and i can’t regard it as a bad movie anymore. last time i watched it, i was having the time of my fucking life

so the first half is misto’s song is cute and awkward (and its meant to be, i will defend this song, damn it. tho laurie cannot hold a note, aw honey...) but the second half? when the triumph kicks in? that is golden! golden i tells you! during which i am experiencing genuine euphoria. it’s all good, the whole song is good for me and i love misto so much. but like a moment during this that REALLY gets me tho is when old deut has come back and it cuts to misto looking so overjoyed and the music kicks the fuck in into triumph mode and that is the bit that makes me cry. like a laugh cry. it’s so good, so good. that shit is PEAK

i can’t pick a favourite part of skimbleshank’s song and nobody should. the entire thing is great and it pretty much plays continiously in my head. i dunno if 5 minutes counts as A Moment but fuck it all. he’s a cat that. cannot. be. ignored

griz’s song, memory, is of course amazing. i don’t even need to say that. but also like her “TOUCH ME” is so powerful it’s like all of my organs were being pulled towards the screen at once. thats the best way i can describe it. fuck me that hits like a motherfucker

okay i’ve made it abundantly clear that my love of robbie fairchild’s performance in this has evolved into uh, worshipful. love me a theatre bitch. chaotically sincere and sincerely chaotic. but i can’t just say “every moment with munkustrap” because thats so much of the movie! king!!! this movie rests upon this lovely stripy shoulders! and picking like BEST? for him?? impossible. but i will mention two scenes: the passionate and loving performance given during “old dueteromony”. the singing is beautiful and the aaaacting is lush. that bit when munku nuzzles old deut is A++++. mwah. and the other scene being his background acting during the ad-dressing of cats. the one where he’s emoting so fucking much in the background. and he’s doing that the whole movie actually but its more obvious there. i’ve been to that scene a lot and lemme tell you whatever frame you get of munku in that scene is fucking gold. special mention goes to what he does when old duet mentions the caviar. also i cannot stress enough that robbie does not blink!!! he’s a mad lad!!!!

i love all of jellicle songs for jellicle cats, great song, proper bop. and i dunno if this is my fave part but i think it deserves to be on here, i like when we get to the slow verse where its all like religious and stuff, they’re reaching up towards the everlasting cat as they sing and i think its beautiful. then these lyrics happen (and munku is guiding victoria thru these lyrics, which is nice) “feline, fearless, faithful to others that do...” and the macavity says “what”. and then suddenly the song goes back to really fast paced again. i dunno, i just love the way that part hits. i dunno if it should go in the top five, there are other moments i love more, a lot of them didn’t feel Big Enough. so they’re going in honorable mentions

i wanna give honorable mentions to

misto’s “romantical cats!” with his heart paws

“how will they be chosen?” “by singing the song of themselves, of course” i love that line because it perfectly expresses that this movie will express it’s concept entirely sincerely without a hint of irony. and i like that

every time misto and victoria nuzzle. oh and that heavy breathing held gaze tension moment they have after the bit with the dog [bleps]

misto and munku dosed on catnip cuz i’m a horny fuck, okay

munku and victoria’s lovely dance followed by misto suddenly yelling his own name and juggling. yeah that about sums it up

“macavityyyyyy [whoosh]”

the little chin hold munku gives misto. i’ve seen robbie do that in other things and it’s always towards a love interest. interesting

the jellicle ball. in general. but especially misto and victoria dancing together and munku and skimble dancing together. and all is right with the world

i really like beautiful ghosts (musically and character wise. the scene itself isn’t very interesting to look at but oh well) and i especially like “all that i wanted, was to be wanted”. like for me that informs a lot of victoria’s character. that stuck with me, i like it

munku’s tear during memory

“you... are the jellicle choice” and griz’s reaction. felt that

“up, up, up to the heavyside layer!” (with the bonus that misto is lighting the candles in time with the music, and thats satisfying as heck)

jennyanydots’ eye rolly joke during tugger’s song is worth it because of munkustrap’s reaction to it. his “oh you’re so bad!” laugh followed by looks that say “oh no, i shouldn’t laugh at that, i’m supposed to be sensible. hehe”. you can tell they’re good friends, it’s endearing

SKIMBLE AGGRESSIVELY TAP DANCING TOWARDS GROWLTIGER

i can’t pick a specific part of mungo and rumple’s song but i love victoria going into silly mode, and also just mungo and rumple’s Vibes, ya know. extra special mention to victoria and rumple’s obvious chemistry

fuck it, any time misto is a klutzy endearing (not so) little baby. OH WAIT i wanna point out how fucking proud of himself he is when he sings about his family repeatedly calling him in. that is the epitome of a cat, amazing

there’s more, there’s always more, but that’s currently... enough

i’m very into this movie, can you tell. like i’ll dunk on it, but i love it

it’s my special interest and i’m here to have a good time, babey

[considerablecolors]

Cursed SAF Movie Adaptation

So, obviously we are all in agreement that a SAF movie would be incredible. But. As we all know, musical movie adaptations do not always work out (cough cough dear evan hansen cough cough). So, here are a few ideas for the worst SAF movie possible:

It's co-directed by Tom Hooper and Ryan Murphy. I have nothing else to say here.

James Corden plays Curt Mega. This is a given. Bonus points if a bunch of unnecessary and uncomfortably-close-to-homophobic gay jokes are added to the script and James says all of them in a "gay accent".

Chris Pratt plays Owen. A slightly less obvious choice, but still an important one. Chris grows out his hair for the role, but instead of keeping it Joey's length, he grows it out absurdly long and puts it in a ponytail that flaps in the wind during the staircase scene.

Not a single original actor of SAF is invited to reprise their role. However, it is announced that Darren Criss will be in the film. While the fandom is saddened to hear there won't be any TCB members, we are, of course, thrilled by the Darren Criss news. Until we find out who he's playing.

So, the directors of this movie blessedly keep the Curt & Tatiana friendship. However, they decide there just isn't enough romance in the story. So, they decide to give Tatiana (played by Chrissy Teigen) a love interest. This love interest is Hans, one of Von Nazi's henchmen (played by Darren Criss.) After Not So Bad (a song which probably should have undergone rewrites and was instead extended to be 10 minutes long), Hans helps Tatiana leave and tells her where Curt is being held so she can rescue him. The two share a brief kiss.

Later on in the show, during the couch scene, Prisoner of My Past is replaced with an incredibly basic love song about how Tatiana has always loved Hans and that even though he's a Nazi, she truly believes he's a good person. (Nothing is done to combat this idea.) We never learn about Tatiana's backstory with the KGB, or her family. Her entire character is reduced to Curt's friend and love interest. The new love song is nominated for an Oscar. It does not win.

Speaking of, let's take a look at what songs are cut from the show, since every adaptation cuts a few: Spies Are Forever is cut and replaced with a stale 5 minute, no-dialogue cold opening. An instrumental of The Coldest Goodbye plays over it, but without lyrics. Eyes On The Prize I and II are both cut. (Barb's Lament is extended and becomes its own number.) We Love The Prince! is turned into a club song, as Vanger will be played by RuPaul. One More Shot is cut and replaced with a montage of them drinking, during which a 30-second instrumental of One More Shot plays. Spy Dance plays during the credits, but only after a terrible pop-cover of Tatiana's love song plays.

For whatever reason, the staircase scene no longer takes place on a staircase. It's not even in the Russian Weapons Facility. It's out in the middle of some random field, and Curt and Owen are standing like ten feet apart the whole time yelling the dialogue to each other. It's kind of like the end of Deathly Hallows, but there's not even any magic lasers. They're just fucking yelling across the field at each other.

Anyway, I think if I list anything else I might have a stroke (/j) so I'll end it here lmao.

[xxgothchatonxx]

Okay darlings, I saw the new West Side Story film today and I have Things (they’re all good) to say. So, I’m a massive musical theatre nerd, I was basically raised on them, and I did see WSS once on stage when I was a kid and I’ve seen the movie a few times. While it’s not really one that I’ve seen over and over again, I do really appreciate it, I adore the music, the dancing is awesome- so I was really excited to see this remake. 

After seeing the absolute trainwrecks that were Les Miserables and Cats (the latter being a much bigger trainwreck, obviously) I can safely say... thank god, this movie didn’t suck. 

Ok, so here’s the things I loved:

The music! Oh my god, the music sounded AMAZING!

The dancing was so tight- ok, it’s not like the original choreography, but I think that’s good. Not dissing the original choreography - it’s iconic for a reason - but this new choreography was so great and really set this apart from the original film. 

They. Didn’t. Cast. A-list. Actors. With. Little. To. No. Musical. Experience. For. Marketing. Purposes... they cast actors who knew what the fuck they were doing... they cast musical theatre actors for a musical movie. THANK GOD! And I would love to see these actors in other films, not just musical films. Mike Faist was so good at making me love-and-hate Riff, Ariana DeBose... *throws the Oscar at her*, and I’m sorry that was Rachel Zegler’s FILM DEBUT?! WOW! Also those guys in Gee, Officer Krupke were so good! And Anybodys?! Holy shit?! Talk about a scene-stealer! 

Cool. So, Cool is my favourite WSS musical number. I love that song so damn much. So, you can imagine my surprise when it didn’t happen after the rumble, but before the rumble... but I didn’t care, that was a very creative switch-up. Because now you’ve got Tony saying “just play it cool” and then ten minutes later THAT happens, so nice bit of foreshadowing there. Also holy shit, Ansel can dance! Look I’m not that oblivious, I know about the allegations but from what I heard from people on the ‘net I was pleasantly surprised at how good he was. 

That scene with Anita and the Jets is still horrific to watch but I’m relieved that they changed it so the Jet girls weren’t just sitting back and cheering them on! Seriously, that always bothered me! So to see them actively try to stop those creeps was a very welcome change. 

This film looks gorgeous. See, this is a gritty and realistic musical movie done right *glares at Tom Hooper* because it looks like a real place but it’s still got that epic scale to it. The lightning was beautiful, the shots were so damn good, and you really felt like you were in this world. 

Rita. Moreno. Need I say more? 

My problems:

It dragged a bit... yeah I know it’s WSS and it’s a long show but yeah. 

...yeah that’s my only problem! The film made me remember why I love musicals so much, and why I loved watching musical movies as a kid. I’m so glad I finally got to see it. 

I give it 9/10 (taking a point off for the dragging but that’s a very minor issue I have) 

[obstinaterixatrix]

So air mentioned my completely justified grudge against movie-musical directors & I was like, well, there are good ones though, producers & chicago & little shop of horrors (ending notwithstanding), and I just now looked them up on wikipedia and. so the director for the producers has a ton of experience doing stage directing & choreography, the director of chicago had stage experience BUT he also did into the woods which says to me that maybe he’s good at straightforward adaptions and sucks at anything that requires metafictional nuance, director of little shop of horrors did puppeteering for the muppets which I count as some kind of stage experience. Anyway basically what I think is anyone with just film/tv experience should get themselves Some Fucking Experience before trying to revolutionize movie-musicals and I am specifically talking about tom hooper and richard linklater because I hate both their guts and I’m sick of them. susan stroman I am begging you to come back and show them how it’s done I’m sick of subpar adaptions made with egregious incompetence by people whose artistic ego do not match the quality of their work. If I even hear about hooper touching another musical I am going to rip out his spine like the pull cord of a chainsaw.

[itsmyregularcat]

i think the 'extras' refers to extra clips, behind the scenes interviews and such that are on the bluray or dvd. It really doesn’t make sense to look at individual extras to mock them and by just watching the film you really can’t tell what they thought it would be like. And the way op says 'some of them involved' wouldn’t make sense because how would one extra be involved and others not and if not how would one know someone isn’t involved just by watching. Which makes me certain it wasn’t aimed at extras as in actors but extras as in bonus material.

Not to be a shit disturber (and at the same time to absolutely be a colossal shit disturber), I disagree with you. The way that post was worded was certainly aimed at the actors versus the content in the extra features. Someone would have to specifically seek out the extra footage, which I doubt they would do when it is such easy, low hanging fruit to say ‘hehe cats dumb bad movie’. If someone disliked the movie (enough to deride it online), it is quite unlikely that they own a physical / digital copy. That extra footage absolutely shows and appreciates the effort that went in to make the movie, not matter what the outcome turned out to be. I can agree with that. Those involved were unabashedly committed to the movie.

Why did the OP use a gif of a ‘background’ cat then, when they could have used the behind the scenes footage you alluded to? The cat in the gif, Freya Rowley, barely appears in any of the behind the scenes footage (aside from being in the background) if you have ever watched it, and the same goes with 90% of the rest of the cast. The interviews in the extra footage are only with a few (main) characters and some notable production team members, and even then it is basically Tom Hooper and Andy Blankenbuehler (who I admittedly do have respect for due to involvement with the Broadway Revival) waxing poetically and ego stroking themselves. Tom thought he was doing something with all of changes, and while the ambition is admirable, it fell flat in the end because he sought to make it ‘his vision’ over Andrew Lloyd Webber’s. ALW even had to reportedly step in to reverse some more extreme changes, or else he would not sign off on parts of the movie. The more you investigate, the stranger some of the potential and scrapped ideas you discover, but they are all hear-say in the end because none of them will ever be confirmed.

Essentially no one aside from Jason Derulo, Taylor Swift, Judi Dench, James Corden, Jennifer Hudson, and Rebel Wilson are interviewed in depth. Francesca Hayward gets a bit, and so does Robbie Fairchild, but the majority of the interviews focused on the big names and direction team. If they would have spent the time to interview someone like Freya Rowley or Zizi Strallen (who has a fairly illustrious stage career in her own right) I would have welcomed it. Give a voice to those who are not going to be widely known. For fucks sake, quite a few of the ‘background actors’ in the movie were in stage shows of Cats. Named characters played by Naoimh Morgan (Rumpleteazer), Freya, and Zizi, as well as unnamed ensemble cats, like Corey John Snide and Kolton Krouse, were all part of Cats before the movie. They never got the recognition they deserved. 

Regardless, guess what? Everyone fucking hated it. Those people who poured their time and energies got ridiculed, and many pushed themselves away from associated themselves with the movie. It is likely the lesser name actors lost career prospects because of how poorly Cast (2019) was received. Imagine being in that movie, and seeing the reviews. I doubt you would say you were proud to be in it, though every actor should certainly be proud as all fuck that they were in such a movie. Who knows what the fallout from the movie will be for these actors because I assume the ongoing p*ndemic has ruined their careers even more.

Anyway, I will support and fight for Cats (2019) as long as I am in this fandom. I am tired of the insults related to how bad it was. I realize that it was not great, and that there was a lot that could have been so more better done, or that they destroyed the essence of the musical in many spots. It was my introduction, and why I gravitated to the stage productions. If the ill-fated movie led some viewers to discover the world of Cats, it does make up for some the derision and panning by a majority of asshats.

Thank you for your comment though. My apologies for going off a bit. You may be correct, but the way that post was presented suggests differently.

Anyway, stan Jellylorum 2019, stan Tantomile 2019, stan the whole damn cast, or if will fucking come for you I swear to the Everlasting Cat. Support those who cared enough to be in Cats and believe in it.

[sybright]

Some disorganized thoughts on Cats 2019

So, I re-watched Cats 2019 for the first time since I saw it in theaters back in January. Thoughts? Honestly, it was much better the second time around. I didn’t like M&R’s scene when I first saw it because I wasn’t aware that the arrangement they were using was the original London arrangement, I thought they had just changed it for the movie. Knowing that now, I really enjoyed M&R’s scene, it was one of the better choreographed scenes and the song actually sounded really good. I would have preferred the newer arrangement, but I really don’t mind that much at this point. 

Something I didn’t like the first time around was Derulo’s Tugger, I thought he didn’t fit the role at all. But on a second watch, he actually wasn’t that bad? I still don’t think he fits the character vocally, but his performance was actually pretty good. I also kinda like his take on Tugger’s character, I mean, he’s just such a bro? Like, he’s just hanging around throughout the movie and just being chill? And have ya’ll noticed that near the climax of Mr. Mistoffelees song, Derulo is just in the back singing that angelic high note? I thought that was so sweet and such a nice detail. I would also like to point out, although this has been said already, that he’s the only celebrity that doesn’t get kidnapped. I think we’re all aware that the whole kidnapping thing was for the sole purpose of celebrities only having to spend a few days on set, and not having to be part of the ensemble when their song was over. But Derulo? He stayed for the whole movie and actively participated in the ensemble, that really shows how committed he was to the movie, and I really respect that. His song did lack energy, but I blame that on Rebel Wilson, the live recorded vocals, and poor direction from Tom Hooper, all of which were not Derulo’s fault. So yeah, Derulo’s Tugger was good, fight me. 

When I first saw the movie, I was really bothered by shy Misto, I prefer confident Mistoffelees from the stage-show. But you know what, Laurie Davidson really sold it. He was absolutely adorable, and his song was good even though I would’ve liked to see Tugger sing it. Old Deuteronomy’s song was as beautiful as ever because Robbie Fairchild has a gorgeous voice. Macavity’s song I’m still pretty “eh” about because I really feel like Taylor Swift just doesn’t have the right voice for that song. I will, however, commend her on the way she sings “wide awake” cause she really screamed that line, and that’s exactly how that line should be sung, so props to her for putting a lot of passion into it. The Gumbie cat and Bustopher Jones still sucked because Rebel Wilson and James Corden suck, they were the worst parts of the movie and that’s all I’m going to say about them.  

Jellicle Songs and Skimbleshanks were fantastic and super high-energy. Those two and M&R were the best musical numbers in the movie to me. The Jellicle Ball was also really good, we got a good look at a lot of the choreography and it was just really beautiful in general.

Alright, last few thoughts, I think Jennifer Hudson did great vocally, I just wish she didn’t have that snot all over her nose for Memory. I wish they hadn’t cut such a big chunk out of The Naming of Cats, but I can live with it. Gus the Theatre Cat was alright, I would’ve like it more if it had some more emotion. Beautiful Ghosts still feels really out of place to me, it’s not a bad song but I just don’t think it fits with everything else. The rest of the songs were pretty good I’d say, but everything would’ve sounded so much better if they had just recorded the songs in a studio instead of singing live, but I think we all collectively agree on that. The dialogue was really unnecessary, but again, I can live it. I can live with the CGI designs as well, they aren’t great but they aren’t like, the worst thing ever, there are certain points in the movie where they look fine. The camera work could’ve been much better, we really didn’t get to see the choreography that well for most of the movie, and that’s a big problem with a show like Cats. So yeah, Tom Hooper, learn to film dance you twat. 

Overall, I mildly like the movie now, I don’t love it, but I admire the work that the artists put into it, minus Wilson and Corden, we all know they didn’t do shit. One of the reasons I decided to re-watch the movie was because of all the positivity blogs here on Tumblr, I love them so goddamn much. I don’t know why, but seeing so many people who, prior to the movie, knew nothing about Cats but then saw the movie and unironically loved it makes me really happy for some reason. So I decided to re-watch the movie to see if I missed something that those people were seeing, because honestly I want IN on the “Cats 2019 was great” bandwagon. Even now I still really want to stan this movie so I can join the party, but I’ll have to settle for admiring the 2019 Cats movie cult from afar. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t stan some of the actors in this movie. Robbie Fairchild, Francesca Hayward, and Laurie Davidson deserve the fucking world because they were all excellent, and I have a newfound respect for Jason Derulo and his portrayal of Tugger. Anyway, this was way too long but I wanted to share some thoughts, if you loved this movie, I admire and envy you so much, have a nice day.

Side note: I got this movie on Blu-Ray, I have zero fucking regrets. This movie is basically a novelty item now, so I don’t care if you loved or hated it buy it on Blu-Ray you cowards. 

[fontonascreen]

Cats who were done dirty in Cats (2019):

Jennyanydots: She is Jelicle Mom and deserved SO much better.

Demeter and Jellyorum: I had no clue they were in the movie until I read the cast list. GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO DO! LIKE SING JENNNYANYDOTS’ SONG! ...AND BUSTOPHER JONES’ SONG!

Syllabub: Another character who I didn’t even realize was in the movie. Her and Victoria are the ones who welcome Grizabella back into the tribe in the musical. Having Syllabub be the kitten who’s going to her first ball and having HER be the one who befriends Victoria would’ve made so much more sense especially if they’re going to push Misto/Victoria on us by the end anyway.

Literally the rest of the chorus: There’s like 50 chorus members listed on IMDB. How come you can only hear like four of them?

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer:  Macavity had enough minions in this version. There are four cats who are just credited as “Macavity Girls”. Let them be chaotic neutral chaos twins who share a brain cell.

Speaking of Macavity: His subplot was weirdly weak and specific considering his whole thing in the musical is basically “kidnap Old Deuteronomy just to fuck up the night plus be the human and cat scapegoat for literally everything that goes wrong”.

Bombalurina: She’s not a fucking villain, Tom Hooper. What the fuck.

Growltiger and Griddlebone: They’re opera characters played by Gus and Jellyorum in the musical. Why are they real? LOL

Mr. Mistoffelees: Let him have a better hype man. I’m looking at you, Tugger. Misto bringing Old Deuteronomy back in the musical works because Old D is the only one who gets kidnapped. The movie makes him sort of look like an asshole because he leaves four other cats stranded on a boat and it doesn’t look like the rest of the cast gives a shit.

[thismoviefucks]

THESE MOVIES FUCK #2

Let me tell you about some movies I watched.

The director's cut of Midsommar (2019, dir. Ari Aster) adds almost 40 minutes to the movie, and I think overall it's a net positive. The most important addition, in my opinion, is that of an argument between Dani and Christian, that adds a lot more tension to their dying relationship and deepens their arc a lot -- it's just a shame that this scene, which I think is pretty integral to the arc at hand, is tacked at the end of a completely unnecessary addition of an extra "ritual" that really doesn't serve any purpose to the plot or even to the atmosphere. Apart from that, though, I think the additions of longer takes are fantastic and add to the slow burn of the movie that is echoed in its harrowing, droning score by Bobby Krlic (better known, to me and to other fans of dark ambient, as The Haxan Cloak). I don't think I'm gonna watch it over the theatrical cut anytime, but for those who, like me, loved the original movie and just want more dang Ari Aster stuff, I'd say it's worth a watch.

The Goonies (1985, dir. Richard Donner) is pretty often considered one of the great adventure movies of the 80s, and for good reason: even in spite of the constant yelling, this movie is so much goddamn fun. This is some classic Spielberg shit right here, kids going on life-threatening adventures and getting into all sorts of hijinks along the way. With incredible performances from all of the child leads, and from the great Anne Ramsey, this movie holds up 100%. Recommended.

I don't think I could ever put the shriekingly bizarre, astoundingly disturbing and all-around incredible experience that is Cats (2019, dir. Tom Hooper) into a coherent set of words. Cats, the musical, was already weird, okay? It's a 2-act revue where humanoid cats in Lycra fursuits introduce themselves to the audience until one of them is allowed to die, with dance solos and MIDI instrumentation and a cat that acts like Mick Jagger and gyrates into the faces of horny girl cats. Cats was always weird, and Tom Hooper, one of the simultaneously most interesting and least capable filmmakers currently working, somehow made it into a film that's more bewildering than most David Lynch movies and more hilarious than most intentional comedies that come out now. It is an $80 million trainwreck, a complete failure at basically everything it tries to be, and I am fucking BEGGING you to see it. Highly recommended.

I haven't seen the director's cut of Little Shop of Horrors (1986, dir. Frank Oz) in some time, but I know every beat of it. From age 6 onward I was straight-up obsessed with it, one of my earliest Special Interests, and I am still 100% in love with it. And it holds up super well: the cinematography is incredible, from the famous crane-on-a-crane shot at the end of "Downtown (Skid Row)" to the gorgeous framing of the two leads in the big romantic number "Suddenly Seymour". The special effects, all practical, are pretty much unparalleled in my mind. The 50ft puppet you see on the screen during "Mean Green Mother from Outer Space" is so lifelike and smooth that you can almost believe that the alien plant really exists (and, in physical space, yeah, it did! that's a fully-functional puppet!). The miniature work during the infamous "Finale Ultimo" that originally got cut unceremoniously because a test audience didn't like it, a 10 minute sequence that cost $20 million to produce, is a fucking marvel of beauty, a masterpiece of kaiju destruction that makes me, just, so fucking happy. Inordinately happy. Every song here except "Some Fun Now" bops. Go watch Little Shop. Highly recommended.

[theredmaynefiles]

Eddie The Animated Storyteller...

“Tom Hooper is amazing. He likes to create situations that are real. So, for example, in that film we create barricades & rather than have shots of us building the barricade, he basically had five cameramen dressed up as peasants & had a shit-ton of furniture & told all of us actors playing students, ‘Go build a barricade!’ Which was really fun & I was like ‘Yeah, gritty & real,’ until a fucking piano was basically falling on my head & I was like ‘What the fu….!!’”   

           - speaking to GQ about making Les Misérables in this video. 

[simptasia]

cats 2019 caused me tears of joy and smiles of sheer enrapturement and nothing can take that away from me

[sophiethetheatregirl]

Les Miserables (2018) Review/Thoughts (SPOILERS)

Okay, let’s get this straight: I don’t hate this series. It’s just that a lot of things really annoy me. First, let’s just quickly talk about the positives before unpacking...everything else. 

It was really nice to see plot points adhering a little closer to the book, such as Waterloo, Valjean robbing Petit Gervais, Fantine’s relationship with Felix, etc. 

The cast is also quite good - then again, it’s the BBC, they usually get pretty competent actors. Still a little salty that it seems Fantine will always have brown hair in adaptations, but I’ve kind of become resigned to that. Lily Collins isn’t my ultimate Fantine, but she did well with what she was given with. Despite the decisions made for her character, Erin Kellyman was also a great Eponine (when she died, I saw the bullethole on her hand, kudos for details). In a better adaptation, I’m sure she would have been straight up amazing. Also I’m glad they showed you that Fantine was being tricked by the Thenardiers, whereas in the musical you didn’t see that at all. Enjolras and Grantaire’s deaths sadly didn’t involve the “Do you permit it” line, but I thought it was still rather beautiful. 

And Derek Jacobi was a great Bishop. He can do no wrong. 

Okay, onto the bad. *cracks knuckles*

I find it incredible how even though Andrew Davies stated the series would be closer to the novel, he got many characterizations way off, especially Valjean. You know you have a problem when your main character is doing stuff even fans who’ve only seen the musical know he’d never do. Like, why the hell did he have to be the one who fired Fantine? Valjean is far too understanding, too kind to kick out a person for having a secret kid. It’s ridiculous. Making it even worse, his relationship with adult Cosette is awful. He’s overprotective for sure, but the series makes him look utterly possessive, and that’s just gross. 

Poor Cosette can never catch a break when it comes to adaptation. I was so hyped up to see a girl who was sassy and clever and kind, but nope! She has even less personality than her musical version, which is saying something. Funny how Andrew Davies said that he didn’t like how weak Victor Hugo’s female characters were (a bullshit statement if he actually read the book), but if he had such a problem with them, he didn’t...you know, make them people with real agency. You’re a writer for god’s sake, Mr. Davies! 

Javert might not be my favourite character, but I do find him very fascinating. It was fingerbitingly irritating to see him focus on nothing but arresting Valjean. The fandom does make jokes about him being like that, but we know there’s more to him than just a desire to arrest a guy who stole a loaf of bread. Also, I just facepalmed when he said he valued arresting Valjean over the revolution in the streets. People are dying, you dolt! I thought you devoted your life to protecting the public. Not to mention him thinking Valjean would be leading the revolution was just really weird. I’m honestly rather sad to see him reduced to that, because I frankly really like David Oyelowo as an actor.      

The Les Amis were almost a complete disappointment. They were just so boring. Which is not something I want to say about a group of revolutionaries! Enjolras doesn’t give a speech until mere hours before his death, so I wasn’t sold on him being a charismatic leader. Also...he was brunette. And had a pornstache. All right, it’s fine if he’s not blond (Ramin Karimloo comes to mind as an awesome not blond Enjolras), but you’d think if they were going to be loyal to the book, they’d make sure to add the detail that Enjolras is basically Apollo with how many times Victor Hugo mentioned him being blond. Also, they cut the group completely in half. I missed my precious Joly and Combeferre (sob). At least Courfeyrac was adorable as he always is. Grantaire is okay - at least there was a hint he loved Enjolras. I still say George Blagden and Hadley Fraser are the quintessential Grantaires, though. 

Marius. It was so uncomfortable seeing him acting so smooth. Marius Pontmercy is a quirky and awkward Napoleonic Democrat and that’s how I like him. That’s why I loved Eddie Redmayne so much - his singing voice wasn’t Tony material, but he was perfectly awkward and adorably heartsick. Also that freaking wet dream sequence - what the flying fuck was that?! Marius is a romantic idiot, not a horny one. 

And finally, my biggest problem of all, Andrew Davies himself. I really don’t understand why his writing was so lame here when he also wrote for the 1995 Pride and Prejudice, which I thought was really good. Even War and Peace, despite its flaws, had genuinely beautiful moments. Also, like everybody else, I was pretty annoyed when he called the musical a “travesty” and his version was going to “save” Hugo’s novel. Yeah, shit over the millions of people who were introduced to the story through the musical (like me). The show is nearly forty years old, of course people are going to compare the series to the musical. 

And speaking of the musical...does anyone else find it really odd that many shots looked like they were straight up ripped off from the 2012 film, which was of course a musical? Talk about ironic. Wonder what Tom Hooper would say about that.

The last shot to end the series also pissed me off for some reason, showing Gavroche’s little brothers sitting on the street without him begging to passerby, who ignore them. Les Miserables is a story about hope for Pete’s sake, you’d think it’d end on a better high than that. Essentially, it’s like they’re giving a giant middle finger to everyone watching. I know this was also in the Brick and Victor Hugo meant to send a different message, but the one we got looked irritatingly cynical. The message the series tells us is that the revolution failed, and nothing is going to get better - a message that directly contradicts what Victor Hugo was trying to say with the whole damn story. (This scene also serves as a lesson to anyone not familiar with the adaptation process: Just because it works on the page doesn’t mean it can work onscreen.)

Come on BBC, you make amazing shows. You can do better than this. 

[bisluthq]

Ummm if you think it's unrealistic she banged Skarsgard because met him ~at work~ might I remind you of a certain Taylor Lautner

Right so she fucks basically everyone she meets at work. Who’d she fuck on Canterbury Glass huh? Like she was there two days and there were cute guys involved so????? Coz if it’s like every job then? And I guess she fucked Tom Hooper right because casting couch and Idris because he’s hot and she’s a fucking dumb slut who fucks everyone at work right? 🙃 Idris’s voice is on London Boy so #konfirmed she fucked him.

I get why y’all are so worried about Joe and Alison because you think Taylor is literally incapable of keeping her legs shut so you project that on every other woman lol and I guess you too have fucked someone at every job or tried to. I get it.

I’d appreciate the sluttiness if it came with a semblance of sex positivity really.

[nightcoremoon]

your movie sucks FINALLY dropped part 1 of the lion king

it’s a fantastic video except for… a couple things

adum seems to be under the impression that jon favreau and hans zimmer had ANY creative control whatsoever, and that they are solely responsible for literally all of the absolutely horrible decisions concerning screenplay, score, storyboard, voice acting, casting, line delivery, animation, lighting, cinematography, hardware fuckups, software fuckups, marketing… basically blaming the two (and also John Oliver who honestly isn’t great but from what I can tell that’s mostly due to the script sucking and going tom hooper on the music, and if you have no idea what I’m talking about the you clearly didn’t listen to les mis or cats aka two of the worst butcheries of a musical in recent film history based solely on behalf of the music except for the songs in les mis sung by the people who were not the actors you know the names of) on everything. just like the tendency for THIS website to blame the russo brothers on every stupid bullshit bad decision made concerning infinity war. gee I wonder what the common link is between infinity war and the lion king remake. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY CONNECT THE TWO, COULD IT MAYBE BE THE MUTUAL BOSS BETWEEN THE RUSSOS AND FAVREAU AKA THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT DIRECTORS IN THE MCU AKA ONE OF DISNEY’S FIVE MAIN CASH COWS???

it is so painfully obvious that the mouse is practically holding them at gunpoint via contractual obligations.

I don’t blame them for the lion king remake being a pile of shit. I don’t blame childish gambino or beyonce or even seth rogen. and I don’t blame the animators who honestly did a great job making some photorealistic animation and stills that genuinely do look like real life. and I don’t blame lindiwe mkhize for the absolutely atrocious mixing in that butchery of the opening song. everything should have gone well. it should have just been a shot for shot remake of the movie.

BUT THEY FUCKED IT ALL UP

they’re already sanitizing everything to appease those fucking fascists in russia and china (to clarify I am saying that the GOVERNMENTS are fascists, I am NOT saying anything negative about russian or chinese PEOPLE, and I hate the toxic culture on this website that forces me to make this addendum just so that I don’t have a hundred keyboard warriors breathing down my neck) but they also had to go and sully the reputation howard ashman brought them in the first place. aids took his sight, took his speech, took most of his body weight, and took his heart. and with this suffocation of remakes clogging the market, disney has finally took a giant shit on what’s left of his legacy. chapek might as well piss on ashman’s grave literally; he’s already done it figuratively.

first half of the video pissed me off because how could disney do so terribly? second half of the video I was laughing because of the dozen layers of incompetence on incompetence. and now I’m sad because there’s still a hundred million people out there who think it was good.

a hundred million fucking morons.

no wonder trump won an election cycle.

[onimiman]

Halloween 2018 Film Retrospective (no major spoilers ahead)

Throughout the entirety of the month of October 2018, I had watched a movie everyday that was, in at least some tangential way, related to Halloween. I can't really call all of them horror films (and to find out why, please see below), although I will say that many of them were unfortunately films that ranged from mediocre to downright unwatchable; had I not been forcing myself to watch these movies for the month, I would have given up ten minutes or so in. And I know I'm a bit late to the party since I'm only posting this on November 3rd, but fuck it, here's the list anyway. So without further ado, let's begin this retrospective with not the first film I watched this October, but the last film I watched for September, which I will call Film #0.

#0: The Babysitter (2017)

The plot: A twelve-year-old boy still hangs out with his babysitter when his parents are away, and just as he is developing deeper feelings for her, he learns a dark secret about her and her friends. This prompts him to undergo a night of survival that forces him to grow up and move on from his own feelings of inadequacy.

My thoughts: This movie feels like it was somehow a holdover script from the 1990s; when the film brings up an element from 1996's hit movie Independence Day, a movie that no one gives a shit about anymore (see how its sequel, 2016's Independence Day: Resurgence, flopped hard at the box office), it serves as only one piece of evidence for that claim. However, I did find the movie to be quite fun nonetheless, even if not all of the jokes in this horror comedy quite landed the way they intended to, but to me, it did have a stable story structure and everything storywise paid off with what was established early on. It's an easy less than 90 minutes to kill on Netflix and I recommend it even if you're not a horror fan.

#1: Leatherface (2017)

The plot: In this prequel to Tobe Hooper's seminal 1974 horror classic The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, we see the birth of the cannibalistic Sawyer family's iconic member turn into this film's titular villain.

My thoughts: By all means, this was a stupid and unnecessary film that shouldn't have been made. But I went into this expecting to simply be entertained by the violence and gore that was to come about. And was I? Yes, I was, and admittedly, the film did make me feel stupid in misleading me as to who Leatherface was going to be, even though there was a piece of evidence in the movie that did make me think, “Naw, it couldn't be.” So, for that, I can't completely shit on this film. If you're not a fan of gore, you'll despise this movie, but for me, it's a guilty pleasure by far.

#2: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

The plot: In this remake of Tobe Hooper's seminal 1974 horror classic The Texas Chain Saw Massacre... pretty much the same shit from that film occurs in this one with only a few slight differences.

My thoughts: Having watched this not long after watching Leatherface, I knew that I was going to get something significantly more conventional, and boy did I get it. It's as boring and unmemorable as most other horror films from the 2000s are, and if I wasn't doing this retrospective, I would have forgotten this one altogether. And moreover, the kills in this are so much more disappointing than in Leatherface, with little to no gore here, so I can't even watch this from the POV of basic primal enjoyment. Skip this one whether you're a horror fan or not.

#3: Goosebumps (2015)

The plot: What starts off as a boy-meets-girl story turns into a spooktacular tale of adventure that involves stopping an army of monsters that come directly from the mind of children's horror author R.L. Stine.

My thoughts: This is a movie that I imagined that I would have enjoyed watching as a kid every now and then, especially during Halloween, but as it stands, it's a little too dull for me and it makes me question what kind of threat do any of these monsters pose to our characters if they never actually kill anyone. It's still fun, if even in a standard way, and Jack Black as R.L. Stine, while incredibly hokey in the role, is obviously having a lot of fun here, so for that, I guess I can recommend this one if you have kids. There's nothing in here that'll actually scare them (unless they're a young Justin Bieber type who'll have nightmares over fucking Scooby-Doo) so you won't have anything to worry about showing them this.

#4: Silent Hill (2006)

The plot: When a young woman takes her adopted daughter to a ghost town called Silent Hill to solve the mystery of the girl's nightmares, they are quickly separated from one another and plunged into a dark demented world with hints of a core secret that must be solved.

My thoughts: I heard about how bad this one was for years, but as I was watching it once the characters actually reached Silent Hill, I found myself enjoying it and finding it to be a legitimately scary movie. The problem? The payoff at the end. I don't know if this is the payoff in the game, but the solution somehow felt a little too mundane and I kind of eye-rolled at the film's jabs at religion (and I speak as someone who's not religious at all). Decent movie for the most part, but I can't really recommend it on account of where it all leads.

#5: Venom (2018)

The plot: When disgraced San Francisco journalist Eddie Brock sneaks into the lab owned by the business magnate who ruined his career, he is bonded to an alien parasite who gives him extraordinary abilities and the antihero persona of Venom. Together, Eddie and Venom must work together if they are to take down business magnate Carlton Drake and the symbiote that he bonded to, Riot, before they can unleash a symbiote invasion upon Earth.

My thoughts: Okay, I know this is kind of cheating because it's not really a horror film in a conventional sense, but since the movie deals with a man being bonded to something that can kill him from the inside if they are both not properly fed, I thought I'd include this movie in this retrospective. Now, with that being said, I found this movie to be pretty standard for a superhero film, and in the year that films like Black Panther, Avengers: Infinity War, and Deadpool 2 came out, Venom looks kind of subpar in comparison. However, as standard as the story and action scenes were, I still enjoyed it for what it was, and as cliched as it is to say this now, Tom Hardy as both Eddie and Venom have some magnificent chemistry that makes me want to see more of them in a sequel. I'd recommend it, but with this stipulation: Only if you're not too versed in superhero films.

#6: Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

The plot: A pair of mysterious death leads a medical doctor and the daughter of one of the victims to investigate a conspiracy in a Halloween mask-producing factory that can have far-reaching consequences.

My thoughts: I regret seeing this movie for only one reason: That this wasn't the film I saw for October 31st, because this is, by far, the most Halloweeniest movie I have ever seen. Otherwise, I enjoyed this movie more than I did the original 1978 Halloween or any of its sequels or remakes (which I'll get to later in this retrospective). While not exactly having the best atmosphere, Halloween III: Season of the Witch is a very interesting movie that is draped in its titular holiday, with a unique premise to boot, that is kind of suspenseful, even if it doesn't have a real resolution. It's a film I wouldn't mind rewatching for next year, especially if it's a rainy day.

#7: Final Girl (2015)

The plot: A teenage girl is trained in rigorous self-defense techniques by a mysterious man for the purpose of combating those who seek to wrong others.

My thoughts: As trite as that premise may sound, it's still very interesting in execution, especially if one is familiar with horror movie tropes like the defenseless teenage girl who wins at the end despite all odds against her. It's decently acted and directed, it runs at just the right length, and if I have any complaints about it, I just wish we went into this movie with our killers believing that this was just going to be another of their victims so that we could be surprised at the turn of events. Other than that mil critique, it's a quaint, simple film that you could watch on Netflix on a rainy day like the previous movie above.

#8: ThanksKilling (2008)

The plot: A 500-year-old talking turkey is brought back to life via dog urine on his grave and intends to kill the nearest people nearby.

My thoughts: This movie was an abominable piece of shit that's as unbelievable in every way as the premise that I laid out above. I'm not even joking about the dog piss thing either; that's how the killer comes back. The filmmaking here is student-level amateurish, the acting in it is jaw-droppingly bad, and this film's attempts at trying to be humorous make me want to punch a cat. Never watch this movie ever.

#9: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

The plot: Ten years after his killing spree in 1978's Halloween and 1981's Halloween II, Michael Myers has returned (as the title would indicate). With his sister Laurie Strode having died in a car accident in between films, Michael's new target is his niece, Jamie Lloyd, and his titular return renews the carnage that his psychiatrist, Dr. Sam Loomis, must stop.

My thoughts: A fairly dull film that's only half as decent as the first two films and nowhere near as entertaining as the third. The acting on the parts of Donald Pleasance as Dr. Loomis and Danielle Harris's turn as Jamie Lloyd were the bright spots in this film, and the ending is famous for being one of the most shocking things in this series that is never followed up on. Unfortunately, I can't recommend anyone watch this, whether you're a normie or a Halloween fan, especially considering what follows...

#10: Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

The plot: Pretty much the same shit as the last movie only with more self-aware corniness this time around and a shittier Michael Myers mask.

My thoughts: Ditto from what the plot described. I feel bad for Pleasance and Harris here, they are way too good for this movie.

#11: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

The plot: Michael Myers finally kills his niece Jamie Lloyd, but now must go after her child as per instructions from the Cult of Thorn. But not if Dr. Loomis, Kara Strode, and Tommy Doyle have anything to say about it!

My thoughts: If you thought that how I delivered this plot wasn't exactly all that Halloweeny, believe me, this movie doesn't deserve to be treated with that kind of respect. I honestly don't want to say anything more about this movie except for these two things: what an awful last movie for Donald Pleasance to go out on before he died, and for a first movie, who woulda thought that Paul Rudd could be so damn boring?

#12: Halloween II (2009)

The plot: Director Rob Zombie takes one last shit on the Halloween franchise after his 2007 remake of the first movie debacle. Is it sad that this movie gets less of a respectful plot synopsis than the last three Halloween movies discussed on this list?

My thoughts: I saw Rob Zombie's 2007 Halloween remake in the theater, and it was one of the worst movies I'd seen on the big screen. I'm so glad I missed out on this one when this came out in theaters because holy fuck, this one makes Zombie's first Halloween look like a masterpiece in comparison. I could go on to explain why for those of you haven't seen these movies, but all I have to do is point you to Phelan Porteus's reviews of Rob Zombie's Halloween movies; he'll explain it all.

#13: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

The plot: Deranged child murderer Fred Krueger returns from the dead in the form of a dream demon to kill the teenage offspring of the people who murdered him through those teenagers' dreams.

My thoughts: Finally, a legitimately good movie on this list that I don't have to dismiss as just mindless fun or even scary but with a bad payoff at the end like with Silent Hill. This movie is good even if you're not a horror fan; I whole-heartedly recommend this. And if nothing else, it's interesting to see how young Johnny Depp was, what with this being his first movie, and I could see just what the ladies saw in him back then.

#14: A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)

The plot: Freddy's back! And this time, he intends to enter the real world through the form of a troubled teenage boy who may or may not have some repressed feelings about himself...

My thoughts: This movie is about as subtle in its homo-eroticism as a series of Michael Bay explosions (not that I'm against homo-eroticism, since I'm a bisexual myself, I just think that this movie was a little too on the nose with that kind of stuff). And while I did find this movie to be surface-level enjoyable for the creative kills, I can't help but think that this was kind of dull, especially in comparison to the first film and as we move forward with the other sequels. The worst part about this is that I find myself scratching my head as to why this is a Nightmare on Elm Street movie when, in spite of the use of dreams here, this doesn't really feel like the Freddy Krueger we know from the first movie nor does this hold up with the character we see in the subsequent sequels. I don't know how to explain it, but somehow, Freddy's characterization seems off in this one. In spite of this film's inclusion of homo-eroticism, something we seldom see in movies like this, I have no problem saying that you can skip this one.

#15: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

The plot: Nancy Thompson, the sole survivor of the first Nightmare on Elm Street, returns with Freddy Krueger this movie, and this time, she intends to help his intended victims fight back. In a sanitarium for suicidal teens with sleep disorders, Freddy intends to kill the last of the Elm Street children. But Nancy intends to utilize the help of one of the teens, Kristen Parker, who has the special ability to unite people into a single dream space and allow them to develop their own dream powers to counter Freddy.  But Freddy isn't as easy to defeat as one may think.

My thoughts: Honestly, this is as good of a sequel as the first Nightmare on Elm Street deserved, as it's a unique take that manages to continue the story of the first in a natural yet unorthodox way, not unlike what Aliens did with Alien. The horror of the first film may be toned down significantly here, but at least the story was interesting, the characters were fun to watch, and Freddy is so much fun here. I recommend it for how Inception-y this movie can get, even if this doesn't have the same level of intelligence as that movie did.

#16: A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

The plot: Despite his defeat at the end of the previous film, Freddy Krueger is resurrected and he finally accomplishes his goal of murdering the last of the Elm Street children, accomplishing his goal once and for all. However, Freddy isn't so satisfied; he wants more children and teens to kill, and he will get more, through Kristen Parker's friend, Alice Johnson, to whom Kristen gave her dream-sharing ability. So unless Alice can find a way to stop Freddy, the latter's fun could continue...

My thoughts: I think it's safe to say this is the point in the franchise when all the horror in Freddy Krueger is pretty much gone and replaced with fun schlocky Freddy. And you know what? I'm okay with that, because it's always great to see Robert Englund have fun in this role. And in spite of the writing not being as strong as it was in the first and third films, I still find myself caring about our characters like Alice, and I was genuinely saddened when the last of the Dream Warriors died. It's rare when I can actually feel that kind of sadness for dead meat characters like these. Fun watch, would recommend, but be prepared to look at Freddy in a different light. And stay around after the credits, as Freddy sings a hilarious rap that just made me smile.

#17: A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989)

The plot: Freddy just can't stay dead, for now he has a new dream master to kill people through: Alice Johnson's unborn child, who spends 70% of his life in a dream state in his mother's womb. So how can Alice defeat Freddy this time without having to sacrifice her dream child in the process?

My thoughts: “Faster than a bastard maniac! More powerful than a loco-madman! It's Super-Freddy!” If you don't know what that scene is, I urge you to look it up, as it's the best scene of the whole movie and it really capitalizes on just how much of a joke Freddy Krueger has become at this point in the series. However, unlike the bastardization of a character like Michael Myers in, say, one of Rob Zombie's Halloween movies, Freddy is still an enjoyable enough character where even one who despises the Nightmare sequels overall can still find little jewels like the aforementioned line. Give it a watch if only for just that one scene.

#18: Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)

The plot: Freddy Krueger has all but run out of kills in his hometown, and now he wants to expand nationally. But not if his daughter has anything to say about it!

My thoughts: This has become pure comedy at this point. But my God this is golden. When one of this movie's kills is an extended scene of a guy jumping around with cartoonish sound effects to boot while dreaming that he's in a video game being played by Freddy, you know that the filmmakers know what kind of movie they're making. And I enjoyed this as one of the most guilty pleasure films I'd ever seen. I do think that the film ended on a somewhat anticlimactic note, but alas, the film was an interesting end to Freddy's evolution as a character of horror to a character of dark comedy, and for that, I recommend this one.

#19: Halloween (2018)

The plot: Forty years after he terrorized Haddonfield, Michael Myers has once again escaped from Smith's Grove Hospital to return to where his reign of terror all started. But this time, the one who got away, Laurie Strode, is ready for him... but her daughter and granddaughter may not be.

My thoughts: Aside from Jamie Lee Curtis's fantastic performance in this film, I thought this was just a run-of-the-mill horror film that's competent enough and has its moments but is otherwise forgettable if you forget that this is a Halloween film. If you're a Halloween fan, I think you'll be satisfied; it's certainly better than the majority of its sequels (especially The Curse of Michael Myers and Resurrection) but that's all.

#20: Meet the Blacks (2016)

The plot: During the Purge, the Black family (yes, that's their last name, and yes, the film does make several racially inappropriate jokes about it) move into an upper class white neighborhood where they are confronted by their patriarch's past in the forms of those he's financially wronged in some way or another.

My thoughts: This is only the second worst movie I've seen for this retrospective (yes, ThanksKilling is number one). Aside from all the racist jokes going on here, this movie is just a failure of a comedy and as a spoof/satire of the Purge franchise. It doesn't say anything new or fresh or in any interesting ways, and in fact, some of the “comedy” here just doesn't make any sense (then again, I just might be missing out on a reference, as if that's supposed to justify bad comedy). This movie may have been less than 90 minutes, but my God, it felt like an eternity having to slog through this piece of shit. Do I honestly even need to say skip this one?

#21: The Rezort (2015)

The plot: Years after the cancellation of the zombie apocalypse, the remaining zombies have been rounded up to an island owned by a private company where people can come and pay as tourists to shoot zombies. But when a conscientious objector sabotages the island's systems, the zombies quickly take over and many people die. So a small group of tourist survivors must reach a rendezvous point at the end of the island if they are to escape not only the zombies but also a strafing bombardment meant to eliminate the zombie outbreak.

My thoughts: For a movie that was obviously conceptualized as Jurassic Park (or Jurassic World since this park is actually running) but with zombies instead of dinosaurs, this movie ain't half-bad. The characters are nothing to write home about, although there is a Dirty Harry-type I was routing for the entire movie, and the action and plot are pretty standard for a zombie flick. Still, it's a mildly fun time and I recommend you give it a go.

#22: Scream (1996)

The plot: A mysterious serial killer who is savvy in the ways of the slasher subgenre of horror is gradually killing off various people around high schooler Sidney Prescott. So who could it be?

My thoughts: Talk about a standard slasher flick elevated by the principle of being meta. I enjoyed it, yes, and with the way the film is constructed as a whodunit, it certainly manages to stand out as above average overall. I could see how this was revolutionary back in the 1990s, but now, with pretty much every single genre movie being self-aware in some way or another, I just kind of shrug my shoulders at it as an experience. I think it helps if you're familiar with the slasher subgenre if you're to watch this, but I think it's a good enough film to stand on its own to someone who hasn't seen a slasher flick their whole lives, if only for the story.

#23: Hush (2016)

The plot: A woman with an instinctive writer's mind who is both deaf and mute in a cabin in the woods is thrust into a deadly cat-and-mouse game with a deranged serial killer who wants to toy with her before he kills her.

My thoughts: This is a movie that squeezes every bit of tension and suspense it can in the eighty-something minutes it has, and it makes good use of that tension and suspense in conjunction with its expert pacing. At no point did I think anything was dragged out; everything here was just as long as it needed to be, and it was all resolved in a satisfactory (and quite bloody) way that left me feeling, “Yep, that was a good time.”

#24: The Bye Bye Man (2017)

The plot: There is a demonic entity known as the Bye Bye Man who will psychologically torture you before he kills you if you think or say his name. And he's doing that to three young adults who are all living together in a haunted house. Yeah...

My thoughts: A very forgettable, subpar horror film with an antagonist with an awful name and no memorable appearance. Skip.

#25: Scream 2 (1997)

The plot: One year after the Woodsboro killings, Sidney Prescott is once again haunted by the return of Ghostface as she is attending college this time around. But who could Ghostface be this time? And what meta-commentaries could this movie bring forth about the slasher genre and sequels both?

My thoughts: This is a film that feels like it was planned out from the beginning as a companion piece to the first film; by that, I mean that it feels like writer Kevin Williamson always intended to have this movie be made after Scream had come out. And considering that this movie was released only a year after its predecessor, I think that theory may be true (then again, I haven't done any research for this movie, so for all I know, Williamson and Wes Craven didn't even intend for there to be a sequel in the first place). Regardless, this feels like a natural progression of the first film and while not necessarily surpassing it in terms of quality, I feel like it lives up to the first Scream in a satisfactory way.

#26: Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)

The plot: After years of killing horny teenage counselors at Camp Crystal Lake, Jason Voorhees is finally blown away into literal bits and pieces by the FBI. However, his spirit lives on as his essence is passed on from person to person until he can find a permanent new body through a living blood relative, and all the while, his killing spree resumes.

My thoughts: As a movie that was intended to be the finale to Jason Voorhees, this did have some silly moments in it like Freddy's Dead but not nearly as over-the-top. And it is a little disappointing to not have Jason in his prime form like he was in Friday the 13th Part VI to VIII and, again, it was a little bit more disappointing than Freddy's Dead (which is far more entertaining), especially since this movie retcons so much of Jason's mythology that it feels like no one who worked on this movie has ever seen a Jason movie. So, yeah, I can't recommend this one unless you're a Friday the 13th fan (and even then, I don't think you'll like it).      

#27: Terrifier (2016)

The plot: A mute man in a creepy clown costume stalks multiple victims in a condemned apartment complex with ruthless killing methods that make him worthy of the moniker Terrifier.

My thoughts: Holy shit, this movie was fucking creepy... and I fucking loved it. Of course, I can't recommend it to everyone, as this movie was also ridiculously over-the-top with its violence and gore. I don't want to give anything away, but as an example, there is a scene that involves our killer, Art the Clown, with a saw and a woman's who's upside down that's one of the most shocking things I've seen... and, again, I fucking loved it. It was an unnerving film that's worthy of having been watched for this month.

#28: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016)

The plot: Take Jane Austin's feminist classic Pride and Prejudice and then shoe-horn a half-baked zombie plot into it. Okay...

My thoughts: I'm not familiar with Pride and Prejudice, so I went into this completely blind. But with that being said, I still thought that this was one of the most pointless, unfunny and unexciting parodies I've seen. The action scenes aren't all that good and it makes me wonder why this was adapted to the big screen. And as for the parts that are actually in Pride and Prejudice (at least as far as I can guess), I thought they were competently done, but they're just not for me. I guess someone who really Pride and Prejudice might like it, but that's only if they have a taste for zombie violence, too. Otherwise, skip this one; it's just dull.

#29: Zombeavers (2014)

The plot: A container of radioactive waste falls from a truck and floats down a river to infect a number of beavers that are nearby a cabin where a bunch of horny teenagers are. And those beavers become zombie beavers, or zombeavers.

My thoughts: I thought I was going into a movie that was going to be on the same level of bad as ThanksKilling, but thankfully, while the comedy isn't anything to write home about, the acting is at least competent and I was amused by the events that were going on. It was interesting to see what would happen if a zombeaver infected a human, and there were decent amount of subverting of expectations as to who was going to die first and who would live (and not in a Rian Johnson way either). I could see this movie not working for everyone, but it's fun enough as a creature feature with a supernatural element to it.

#30: Event Horizon (1997)

The plot: In 2047, a spaceship dubbed the Event Horizon mysteriously reappears near the edge of Earth's solar system and a salvage team is sent to investigate what happened. But as they arrive, they find that the ship may be more than just a ship now...

My thoughts: As much as I'd love to see what this movie would have looked like had the filmmakers not toned back on the violence and gore, I was still satisfied by what we got here. Sam Neill delivers a deliciously evil performance once Dr. Weir goes to the dark side that it practically borders on Tim Curry territory, and I thought the movie was a good space horror film that was just original enough to be its own thing and not be a knockoff of, say, Alien. Give it a watch; the violence you do see here ain't that bad.

#31: Halloweed (2016)

The plot: A couple of stoners move to a small town so that one of them can get away from the reputation of being the son of a now-dead serial killer. But what these stoners don't know is that they've arrived just in time for a slew of killings to start as Halloween approaches.

My thoughts: I'm mentally kicking myself for having this be the movie I ended the month of October on. This was one of the lamest comedies I've ever seen in my life; I can't remember laughing at all in this bland turd. And it could hardly qualify as a slasher film since the slasher killings don't start until there's about 49 minutes left in the film, and even then, it's barely focused on for the rest of the movie until it's resolved at the end. Skip this and don't let it be anywhere on your viewing block for next Halloween.

And that's it. Those were all 31 of the films I'd seen for the month of Halloween, one for each day. It was quite a venture, but one worth the time if only for bragging rights if not for entertainment (especially since very few of these movies were any real good). So please leave a comment, let me know if you saw any of these movies, if not for this past Halloween, then if you have seen any of these at all, and if so, let me know if you agree or disagree. Until then, here's to better films next Halloween!

*This post has been paid for and sponsored by Silver Shamrock, Inc. When you want quality masks at affordable prices, and a guarantee that they won't unleash killer insects and snakes that will trigger a potential apocalypse, look no further for a Happy Happy Halloween, Silver Shamrock!