#bastard bros

[ssszlami]

the thing about the spankoffski brothers is that ted tries so hard to have rizz but simply does not

meanwhile pete puts 0% into being attractive and then in multiple universes steph talks to him for like a minute and instantly falls in love with him

and i love them both dearly

[booigi-boi]

Sometimes I forget that this man is like in the top 3 of "most tragic Hatchetfield characters"

Like no, this fucker does not deserve to be written like that, this bastard of a man does not deserve to die all the damn time and leave his younger bro to cry in their shared apartment every single night, wondering where the man he looks up to a lot has gone, not knowing he's never coming back, cause some other bastard decided he needed a blorbo!!

I refuse to believe that Theodore fucking Spankoffski is this much of a tragic character, when his whole character is just horny and dying!

YOU CAN'T TELL ME THAT A MAN WHO IS DOWN SO BAD HE WOULD CANONICALLY BECOME A FURRY, JUST HAS TO WATCH THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE DIE IN HIS ARMS AND GET TURNED INTO A BROKEN HOMELESS MAN WHO "GETS PRETTY SCARY SOMETIMES"

F me fr man, the Langs made me care for a man I wish to stay whole towns away from if he was real

[yourlocalabomination]

*fingers aggressively gripping my thighs* Yea I think about that one sleazeball a normal amount.

[lonelysa1lor]

"I'M GONNA HAVE THE WHOLE SET IN MY TOYBOX!"

[linddzz]

officially the best line in The Odyssey

[kirchefuchs]

Goat brotherrrrrssssss

Peter judging his big bro for his relationship with a Lord In Black amuses me, so yeah.

(Bonus goat Ted)

[closetnerd62]

Spankoffski Bros Headcannons

They live in a pretty small apartment, I can see the layout in my head. 2 bedrooms 1 bathroom. It smells like a mix of grandma and Ted’s axe body spray

Their bedrooms are right across the hall from each other

Either a)their parents died under suspicious circumstances, b)had a huge messy divorce with lots of fighting over custody of Pete to the point where Pete just said fuck em and moved in with his brother or c)their parents wanted to move out of Hatchetfield but Peter refused to leave his friends and Ted offered to take him in for his senior year

They get take out at least once a week

Ted will always text Peter if he plans to spend the night somewhere else and tells their neighbors to check in on him

Ted taught Peter how to shave

Every time Peter won a science fair, despite teasing him endlessly, Ted would always take a picture and put it in his wallet (he now has a wallet with one of those photo holders that flips out)

They secretly watch trashy reality TV together on Sundays and yell at the screen the whole time

Every time Steph calls Pete, Ted will start making make out noises in the background to embarrass him

Peter and Richie met because Ted and Paul brought them to bring your kid to work day at CCRP

They come up with intricate and convoluted ways to slyly flip each other off (ie. scratching their nose with their middle finger, popping all of their knuckles but one, etc.)

Peter gave Ted an “I ❤️ hot moms” shirt for Christmas one year

[bajablastflavoredsaxreed]

thinking about them

[corndog-patrol]

Random venture bros doodles

[nibbelraz]

Imagining the airplane extras in the Shang Twins au is so funny because imagine you think finally your brother is standing up to this demon thats been running you to ground and all he does is pinch his cheeks and say the most wild incoherent shit known to man before leaving

[neptune-scythe]

We as a society do not talk enough about how Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands himself, the Bastard of the Barrel, carved an entire underground tunnel from his club ... To his besties house

There is no explanation for this other than that he is king softy

Like just imagine how much money that would cost, and how much work. Like sure bro is rich as fuck but like be fr, there is no way he would do all that for crime and gang business, it's just not practical. Like take the surface roads it costs nothing and it's probably not that much slower

Like bro fr just wanted a secret short cut so he could drop in on his babes whenever he wants and never be seen by the masses

Got a reputation to uphold after all

Can't have the pigeons seeing Dirtyhands taking another trip to the Geldstraat to visit his favourite boys

[acutemushroom]

I absolutely love it when people associate Pete with Space. I mean, Tinky is the God of Time and Space and we have two Spankoffski. Obviously, Ted represents the first domain, being the Time Bastard, so it is cool and logical that Tinky would torment/gift Pete with Space abilities.

[cowardlykrow]

"Hah, dude doesn't even know he's in my tamagotchi."

[ricky-mortis]

Some hatchetfield/SAF silllies from the good ol sketchbook :)

[yourlocalabomination]

I saw people talking about how Ted would own so many patterned button ups and had the AWFUL realisation me and this man would share a closet.

(Also long haired Ted propaganda be upon ye)

[zonatcannibalism]

Starkid fandom what do you think about my fidget cube