#bc he got himself in tht mess

[bylertruther]

thinking out loud here so don't mind me ok prepare for ur regular serving of a wall of rambles with no punctuation just me typing my every thought as i think it<3

bUT OKAY so . i think it's good sometimes to be ur own devil's advocate abt ur beliefs to see if they still hold up for u n stuff right so i was thinking of how i believe tht will is the one tht shaped the upside down into hawkins and i was like hm. well. what if el did tht when she opened the gate? but then i was like mmmmm press x to doubt bc her thing is that she's the gate opener n closer. she's a seeker. she finds people n makes that connection. and when henry takes her power he says tht he does it because he wants to be able to open gates himself. so... i don't think that's her thing. just like him, she can only move what is already there—she can't change its form.

henry talks all the time abt wanting to Reshape and Remake the world, so... clearly... he's interested in Creation! he specifically uses these words repeatedly. n brenner tells el when she opens the gate that "it's" reaching out to her bc it wants her. so if henry reached out to will time n time again.... n took him.... n didn't want to kill him but DID want to kill eleven as well as everyone else.... then it has to be for a reason. if the upside down is stuck on the day he went missing & didn't look like that before AND the duffers keep pointing to Will, Will, Will, who's henry's perfect foil and also a wizard and a creator himself bc he's an artist.... and the duffers got scared for a second when jamie showed them his pin board with will at the center bc they thought he knew something... and will and henry are STILL connected somehow despite there being no more particles within will and henry had to wait for mike to leave for him to strike.... and will's disappearance is the outlier bc the "monster" had telekinesis, teleported from outside the shed to behind will inside of it, messed with the phone lines, stalked him patiently, followed him from mike's house which isn't near the lab at all, targeted him despite will not bleeding from anywhere, and then never hurt or ate him in the upside down only sought to keep him trapped there n later took him to the library where he was found in a position much like the victims we see in s4 in henry's mindscape.... i mean...

and that's not even mentioning how will used the lights to communicate bc there's no way he touched all of them at once that fast and at that height unless he's the flash or something lmao, or how he appeared in joyce's mind once, or the lights tht lit up in a circle in his room, or how he was able to remain hidden at the house n survive despite the monsters knowing he was there and even being there just seconds after him in his exact place, etc etc....

so like. unless this is all just an extensive series of red herrings there is just. i mean. i just do not see how he Wouldn't have the power of creation... or whatever other power besides just true sight... because henry doesn't like humanity, so what other reason would he have to make will the ONE human that's worthy to stand by his side?

and how did he even know will? how did he find him at mike's house? what's at the library that that's where will was taken to and that's where the rifts in s4 connect? there's something there and it's not just that will was at the wrong place at the wrong time bc none of it adds up. that wasn't a regular wild demogorgon that took him, because the "monster" did not act like every other demogorgon we've seen. and then later on, he was targeted AGAIN. he was CHOSEN not once, but twice. and there has to be a reason! and considering henry's motives... i don't see how it could be anything other than will being the missing piece: his way of reshaping and remaking the world in his image. he needed eleven so he could open gates himself. he needed the mind flayer because it gave him unimaginable power and the ability to overtake and control others. now, he needs someone to be able to Create and all signs seem to point in will's direction.... hm.

but i could be missing something. thoughts, anyone? 🤔📝

[sweetcitrusboi]

I just watched the finale yesterday guys and literally I cried bc seeing Dean on my screen again it made me so unbelievably happy that I was just shedding tears. But first of all I’m so happy that my theories on the Winchesters was right. At first we were all confused on how the Winchesters wouldn’t retcon canon. And I just assumed that the Winchesters would be set in one of Chuck’s other storyline universes that he thought about playing around with but just dropped the idea. Bc we already know there are multiple universes in spn, with multiple different endings. So I’m glad I was right about that (feeling super smart, yes). 

Also I fcking knew this man had a plan!! Unfortunately it wasn’t some romance with past Cas and Dean time traveling. But it was literally fcking Jensen admitting on tv that he didn’t see the finale as his happy ending. I literally was babbling at this point y’all while watching 1x13. This man made this whole series into a fix it fic basically. Y’all were doubting the Winchester’s and this man was scheming the whole time. And I love tht for him. 

I cried even more seeing Baby on my screen and then when Jack fcking appeared and did his little wave I literally couldn’t stop crying until the episode ended. Jack basically came to scold his dad on messing with the universes again. That made me so happy but so sad bc imagine if Cas was next to him and both of them are just like squinting disapprovingly bc he’s being such a hunter again. 

Also Jack fixed heaven but accidentally left an opening between worlds which is so chaotic but we’ll ignore that little mishap since he’s only 4. But Dean saying “I just decided to give it a little nudge” was amazing and such Dean behavior. Bc even in heaven he’s still gonna have his little hunter ways about himself. But him also being restless and admitting that heaven shouldn’t have been his happy ending really hurts honestly. Dean deserved so much more and not only that he was looking for a happy ending for his family in general. So many characters deserved a happy ending and we never got to see that for them. And we all know Cas especially deserved one,,

But moving on to some little things I’ve noticed in this episode and wanted to talk about which first of all Dean’s appearance. I seen comments saying that this is Dean dressed as Jensen which, yes you’re kinda right. But Jensen is such a good actor that it doesn’t matter what type of clothes Dean is wearing, we’ll still know it’s Dean. But my point for why he was dressed like that is bc this is Dean finally being able to relax. And that plays into his appearance. Clothing was an important thing to notice in Supernatural. Especially on Dean’s character. He’s always wearing layer after layer as some form of protection between himself and others. And we know it’s basic hunter attire but for Dean this was a form of comfort. And I know I’m not the only one who noticed that Dean added a few more layers over the years especially after Hell. I always imagined that when Dean was finally able to live the life he deserved he would shed some of those layers that he used to cover himself bc he didn’t feel like he needed the safety net of his clothes anymore. It was alright to want to wear softer clothing or even show some skin. I also felt he wore a lot of layers bc of insecurities, especially involving scars on his body. And seeing Dean in heaven wearing much softer clothing with his hair grown out is basically Dean started to let go and just be. So I know y’all complaining about him not being dressed as Dean but literally think about how this is what Jensen wants Dean to look like. He wants to show us a relaxed happy Dean. 

Also I seen some of y’all complain about Sam not appearing in the Winchesters and now that we know it’s based around the time Sam was still alive, please stop fcking complaining. With the way the show was set up it wouldn’t make sense for Sam to appear bc he basically quit hunting after Dean died and went to play family with the blurry woman. So let Jensen write the story the way he wants, please. 

Also Baby slayed in this episode. I was crying seeing her as well. Looking amazing and polished as always and, her being Dean and Mary’s protection while in the portal. Her basically being the thing that gets rid of the Akrida Queen. Like she played an important part and I was so happy to see her. 

Jumping back to family though, when we see Jack and the way Dean introduces him and Bobby as his family (I was crying more btw). The way Jack scolded him but it’s still so light hearted and Dean looks happy too see him. It makes me happy knowing they probably got to actually reconcile in heaven. I was always so upset over Dean and Jack not actually getting to talk it out. Especially since Dean is a caretaker and Jack saw him as his father as well and the last episodes of s15 was pain for all us, especially with the way Dean was acting. I mean the last few episodes ripped away the feeling of “found family” that spn was built off of.  

The Winchesters finale basically gave us back what taken from us in spn’s finale. Which was found family, love, and free will.  I know not everybody was enthusiastic about watching John and Mary’s love story at the beginning. But I’m glad I personally watched the show. Everyone did such an amazing job, and knowing their universe is where everyone might get the actual happy ending they deserve makes that pain just a little a bit less.

I’m still going to be crying knowing that Dean was traveling through different universes looking for a happy ending for his family but also a happy ending for him and Cas. 

[eorumverba]

jongtae from demon au for the headcanon thingie? I miss it dearly. Have a safe trip!

tbh i forgot all about demon au ?? rip,, but ty for reminding me ♡♡♡this got Really long…..didnt know which letters to do so i just did all of them otl;; this also made me wanna write more of demon au

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

jong is rlly soft when its taem, always making sure he’s not hurt and cleaning him up before attending to himself. he can also be really cuddly and clingy, but that’s more with jinki because of how small jinki makes him feel even without trying. sex makes him energized actually, the exact opposite of taem. taem’s usually ready to knock out as soon as he comes, and if he’s ever up for round two, jonghyun ends up having to do all the work, something that neither of them mind at all

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

taem really likes jongs cheeks and lips. theyre puffy from sleep whenever he wakes up, and he looks so sleepy and soft that it makes taemins heart melt every morning. hes kind of a sap like that, not that he’ll ever say.

jonghyun’s very favorite part of taemin is his back. he likes taemins body in general for how long and lean and pretty he is, but he really likes the view of taems back, the dip just above his ass, the muscles shifting when he moves to clench the sheets, the bruises he can see from gripping taems hips too tight

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

jonghyun has a major oral fixation and just..really likes come in general as well. come on his face and on his chest is good enough, but he loves loves loves when jinki or tae come in his mouth. if he’s particularly needy and neither jinki nor tae are there or ready to sate him, he’ll sometimes just make himself come just to have that familiar taste on his tongue again

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

even if jonghyun thinks he’s subtle when he disobeys jinki’s rules, jinki always finds out. jonghyun is a horrible liar, too honest with his eyes and the set of his mouth and with his whole body, and jinki always manages to get the truth out of him, but then, watching jonghyun fumble for answers and start to tear up as jinki pushes more and more feeling into him is more than half the fun

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

jongyu are both very experienced, being incubi and all, and while taem had had his fair share of one night stands and messy handjobs before them, he’s learned so much from them that it’d probably be overwhelming if he ever slept with anyone else. not that he really wants to though, so…

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

taem likes jonghyun on his knees or riding him because of how small he looks like that, and jonghyun can work with anything honestly (he likes the same as taemin though, honestly) and they both love those lazy fucks when they’re still in bed, spooning somewhat with one of them (usually taem) giving a slow handjob to the other and fucking them slow and lazy

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

there’s a lot of banter during foreplay from both of them, but most of that slips away because jonghyun likes to focus entirely on taemin when they have sex, and taem is generally pretty quiet whether he’s giving or receiving. sometimes he’ll remember something cute or funny that jonghyun did earlier that day and it’ll start a burst of laughter from both of them, but otherwise it’s v intense and heavy

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

they all try to take baths together (or at least two at a time) and jinki likes to shave jonghyun and taemin while he tells them little stories or hums under his breath. it’s really lazy and quiet and sleepy, and jongtae are usually more than half asleep wihile jinki moves them however he wants, and he’s always sure to be gentle with each touch and lotion them up when he’s done. it’s the least he could do for having them do so much for him, jinki thinks, and taking care of jongtae is something he really enjoys

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

the only time they’re ever really romantic when they have sex is during those early morning fucks, the ones where they’re sitll both more than half asleep and slow enough with each movement to mumble i love yous and to call it making love instead of their usual fucks

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

jonghyun is loud when he jerks off, mostly because he’s so out of it and so deep in his thoughts. he’s really whiny and he tends not to notice if jinki or taem come in to watch. he also always has his fingers in his mouth when he’s jerking off, and it should muffle his noises, but his sloppy sucking only makes him louder. ontae don’t mind at all

taem doesnt really jerk off that much, not like jonghyun, and when he does, he tries to in the shower so there’s not as much to clean up, unlike jonghyun, who will tend to lick his hand clean or whine at jinki to wash the sheets

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

jong loves choking. he likes anything that leaves marks really - biting, scratching, choking, spanking - but on those rare times where he feels soft n subby, he loves loves loves praise. like…being called a good boy in those times could probably get him to come. but choking and biting is always good to him

taem just likes controlling jonghyun and making him flustered and needy. it doesn’t seem like a lot, but having jonghyun on his knees and begging for a cock in his mouth and clenching his fists tight enough to leave marks and being the cause of that…taem loves that

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

anywhere really?? taem likes the shower best so there’s not as much cleanup, but he also likes leaving the curtains open and fucking jonghyun out in the open of their living room, just for how needy jonghyun gets when taem tells him that anyone could see

jong is fine with anywhere as  well, but his favorite place has to be wherever jinki is. it can be taem riding him in their bedroom while jinki watches and tells them how pretty they look, or jong on his hands and knees for taem and begging for jinkis cock in his mouth while jinki watches tv in the living room, or even jong doing his best to suck taem off as he and jinki have dinner - so long as jinki is there, that’s jonghyun’s favorite place

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

for jong, a well-placed touch or word can make him needy in a heartbeat, but things like ‘baby boy’ or 'good boy’ or 'be good for me’ are just…instanut. he also really likes watching taem undress, even if it’s to put pajamas on. that and feeling taems breath on the back of his neck when he first wakes up and taems arm heavy aronud his waist still in sleep just…….he loves it. most of the time when taem wakes up already hard, it’s because of jong.

for taem, anything jonghyun does turns him on. the overt things like licking his lips clean or sucking and bobbing his head around a spoon, jonghyun’s absent habits like sucking on the tips of his fingers and playing with his mouth, jonghyun’s whining and pouting…he’s just really affected by jonghyun. which is entirely understandable, honestly

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

there are kinks they like in theory but wouldn’t do - taem doesn’t like excessive pain or blood, jonghyun hates the idea of being owned in an m/s context. they don’t really have any conflicting kinks though, which is good - the only thing they don’t share is jonghyun’s major daddy and petplay kinks. at least for a while, anyway

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

oral is jonghyun’s middle name, honestly. he likes giving way more than he likes receiving, but both are good, and as jinki says, both taem and jonghyun have 'cock sucking lips’, so it works out well. jong tends to be more sloppy and eager than skilled when he’s really needy, but taem doesn’t mind, because jong is So Good with his mouth either way. taem tends to like receiving more than giving - he doesn’t like the stretch in his mouth quite as much as jonghyun does. he’s more calculated with his blowjobs, knows how to get jonghyun to fall to pieces as quickly as possible, but also how to keep him strung out for ages, and both are good. neither of them really like rimming - taem hates the feeling, and jong hates the taste, so they tend to stick to blowjobs

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

whenever jongtae fuck by themselves, it tends to be fast and rough, unless it’s in the morning or in the bathtub. then it’s slower and more romantic, and there’s more conversation and soft kisses passed between them, but otherwise it tends to be pretty fast and rough. if jinki’s there, he dictates the pace, and he tends to like watching them fall apart after what feels like hours and hours of teasing

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

taem is an expert on quickies, but he only thinks they’re fun if they’re with strangers/one night stands. otherwise, once he knows the person well enough (both literally and sexually) proper sex is better, and quickies get boring. unless of course it’s jonghyun already needy and willing to do whatever taem says - that’s never boring.

jong doesn’t really mind either way, because sex is sex, but he’s more used to sex being drawn out because of jinki. he doesn’t mind a good quickie though, if it’s with someone compatible - that’s how he and taem started fucking, after all

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

definitely, definitely. taem is a little more hesitant to try certain things since he’s still human, but so long as jonghyun doesn’t safeword, he doesn’t mind trying new, dangerous things at all. jong loves trying new things as well, the more dangerous, the better. even if it turns out to be only a one time thing, so long as there’s that aspect of risk and the nervousness of something new, he’s more than game

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

jong can go on a while - he likes the feeling and sensitivity of overstimulation, and that’s when jinki and tae say he looks prettiest. taem’s pretty done once he comes once, but he can give jonghyun a lazy handjob or blowjob after he’s already come once

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

they’ve definitely got toys, a whole collection, honestly. jinki tends to buy most of them as surprises, and he always watches. it’s mostly dildos and plugs to stretch jong out. taems more a fan of blindfolds and gags, but he’ll use jonghyun’s toys if he’s in the mood. sometimes jinki will tie jonghyun up all pretty for taemin to use - all dictated by him, of course

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

jinki loves teasing, always teases. taem teases too, but he’s so weak for jonghyun’s pouts and teary-eyed begging, so whenever jonghyun’s had enough and starts begging, taem is quick to give in. jonghyun definitely teases the least out of all of them since he’s the one that gets teased the most and knows how annoying and painful and frustrating it is to be teased so much. if he’s feeling particularly mischievous, he’ll tease taem to pieces, just as payback for all the times taem has teased him to crying

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

jonghyun is always the loudest: he whines and whimpers a lot, and he begs all the time. his blowjobs are full of sloppy noises and he often throws himself into it so eagerly that he chokes and ends up coughing and whining as he tries to get whoever he’s sucking off’s cock in his mouth again. when he’s fucking taem though, he’s quieter, lots of heavy breaths and grunts whenever taem taunts him that he’s not fucking him hard enough. (taem does that a lot) but otherwise, jong is very loud

taem is pretty quiet, except for the banter and taunts whenever he’s getting fucked. lots of panting and quiet curses and breathy 'ah’ noises, and he tends to muffle his noises with a hand to his mouth, much unlike jonghyun

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

taems favorite time of day is early morning, just for those slow, lazy kisses and jongs quiet mumbles of speech. jong is so much more clingy and affectionate then, and taem takes full advantage of it, because seeing jong sleepily pout at him and whine out i love yous is…one of the cutest things ever, honestly

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

they’re both usually shaved clean, courtesy of jinki, but otherwise there’s just a thin peach fuzz layer of hair, taems black n jongs whatever color his hair is (so usually blonde). taem couldn’t take jong seriously when he dyed his hair pink, so jong was sure to make sure jinki shaved him everywhere. jongs dick is longer n thinner than taems, n taems is of average length n wide enough to stretch jongs mouth out comfortably. taem sometimes bugs jong with questions like can he change the length or girth of his dick (yes) n if so why doesn’t he, to which jong responds that next time he’s fucking taem n taem is close to orgasm, he’ll make his dick super thin n tiny out of spite. taem kinda just laughs n rolls his eyes, but when jong is sure he’s forgotten about it, he shrinks his dick and instead of getting frustrated like he thought taem would, taem just starts laughing. neither of them orgasm that night, and that’s okay

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

jong always always always wants. it’s a low simmer beneath his skin that tends to spike because of jinki or taemin, but otherwise, that heat is usually there. taem’s kind of the same, but where jong is easy to spike, taem is easy to get to that simmer, which in turn spikes once the foreplay starts or the idea is concrete in his head

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

taem tends to knock out almost immediately if he comes more than once, but he’s always sluggish and sleepy after one orgasm. jonghyun on the ohter hand never feels as awake and energized as he does after a good fuck, but if he’s in bed with taem and he’s trapped by taem’s sleepy heat, it’s pretty easy for him to fall asleep as well

[bloominstorm]

So….. y’all still think Mikey don’t know what he’s doing lmao

[kiss4kazu]

Hi! could I request some headcanons for what kissing Ashe and Dimitri (Felix too if thats not too much if not its fine) would be like for the first time?

☆ first time kisses with ashe, dimitri, felix 

↳ ashe babie boy 

although ashe is really innocent and pure i think he’s easily one of the most romantic in blue lions and would really go above and beyond always for the person he loves. 

i know a lot of people probably see ashe as someone being too reluctant and nervous to actually ever make a move first but i think if he really liked someone, he’d be extremely obvious about it, blushing like crazy, a stuttering mess, etc and after enough pep talks from sylvain he’d finally make a move to ask u out on a date and it would be an absolute wreck.

would literally put together something so fckin cheesy n corny but in the most adorably ashe way that it makes you want to punch him from being so precious

like a cute picnic or something by a lake and he’d make cute little cakes with some help from annette and it would just be so pure. 

he’d rehearse how he’s going to confess in his head like a million times but when the moment actually comes it ends up just being a jumbled up mess filled with “ums” and he’d try to stick to the script him and sylvain came up with and get out a “y-you’re r-really… u-uh… p-pretty..” but then he’d fuck it all up by saying something weird n dorky like “a-and you s-smell really nice… w-wait that’s weird i’m sorry-” and you’d just hold back ur laughter, ur heart swelling with so so much affection for him. 

ofc he’d ask for permission to kiss you, cheeks crimson and his eyes looking up at yours like tht one starry eyed emoji. you’d give him a vocal response, since he rly needs that reassurance. no stutters just “of course ashe” and he’d smile so so big and then just swoop down totally uncoordinated. 

would probs miss your lips and have to readjust. 

kissing ashe for the first time would be … messy. he’s not experienced at all, and doesn’t know what to do with his hands and he’d honestly be a dead fish for a good few moments. but as you ease him more into the kiss, he’d loosen up a bit, tilt his head and just stop overthinking. his lips would be really warm and would taste so sweet from the cake and he’d smile so hard into the kiss that your teeth end up bumping into each other and you’d pull away laughing

ashe kisses are the best honestly the butterflies fireworks the whole shebang yknow. 

as he gets more confident he’d probably try out a few things he’s seen in books like slipping his tongue in and would be completely taken aback by just how nice it feels. would probably whine into the kiss, cradle your face in his hands, and once you guys pull apart for some air he’d just breathe heavily against your lips with the dopiest smile on his face :( <3 

he’d be rly slap happy after kissing you for the first time and would probably tackle u onto the picnic blanket laughing from happiness kissing your face everywhere and showering you in compliments, shoving his face into ur neck and just breathing in ur scent. 

he’s very clingy ok. 

↳ dimi !!

whew. ok so we’re gonna do academy phase dimi since feral dimi is uh… probs not sfw & violent skjdfjslkjfd  

academy phase dimi knows NOTHING about kissing n he has 0 experience so it takes him forever n a day to finally get the balls to kiss u and when he does … whew. 

i can imagine kissing dimi to be during like , a deep convo or something late at night, when he’s having trouble sleeping or something and ur just running ur fingers through his hair, listening to him as he vents and admiring the sound of his voice bc he’s always more talkative at the dead of night when he’s sleep deprived. 

he’d just look at u so so lovingly and it would be suffocating and ur just staring at his lips but u know ur probs way in over ur head bc uh he’s the future king of faerghus 

but then he’d ask for permission too like ashe tbh bc he’s just polite like tht and has too good mannerisms 

plus he cares a lot about your comfort and would never want to make u feel unsafe or uncomfy especially by his doing

and you would nod with quickness n he’d waste not a second to connect ur lips 

kissing dimi is like a trance tbh, type of kiss that feels like something in u is short-circuiting 

literally the type of kiss that makes ur knees buckle u know the ones. 

he’s a rly rly good kisser n it makes no sense bc he’s literally never kissed anyone before in his life n it kind of makes u mad bc why is he perfect 

a rly rly passionate kisser and he can be kind of rougher than he intends to bc he’s not good with fragile things 

clearly v dominant in the kiss, one hand with an iron grip on ur hip the other tangled up behind ur neck, gripping ur hair. after a while gets reluctant and starts to overthink things and pulls away apologizing for being too rough

you’d probs have to reassure him a million times tht its okay dimi ur not hurting me!! 

he’s rly touch starved tbh so he always tends to take pecks into full-blown makeout sessions or when he intends to just kiss ur forehead he ends up kissing ur cheeks too, ur jaw, down ur neck just riling himself up tbh and then he finally  looks up at u with his eyes all dark n ur just like … here we go

did i mention he groans a lot during kisses bc he does 

dimi’s other sides shining through when his emotions overwhelm him is just .. dimitri 101. 

he’s rough, seemingly an expert at this shit, his tongue shoving past your lips and completely taking u off guard. he’d literally kiss you so hard your head would spin and he’d do it all with a blush on his face bc he’s still a shy babie.  as soon as the moment is over he’s back to stuttering n being all awkward boyish prince. 

he’s also the type to shower u in compliments between kisses.

kisses lips “you’re so gorgeous” smooches neck “so amazing” kisses jaw “goddess i love you” 

im scream crying

↳ felix too bc WHY NOT ! i love him 

listen. 

this little fucker kisses the life out of people u heard it here first folks. 

he’s 100% a heat of the moment type of kisser. it could go two ways tbh. like if you got hurt or something on his behalf he’d scream at you with glossy eyes for a good 5 minutes and then just stare at you all >:( and then he’d just grab you and  kiss the fuck out of you.

probably the most passionate kisser out of the three, he kisses to the point where u can’t feel ur toes and stuff he’d just completely indulge without any fucks given bc he almost lost you and he’s not good with explaining his emotions so hopefully this helps you understand. 

the other way i can see a first kiss going down with felix is more.. vulnerable, despite his hard exterior. he is rough and mean but it’s not bc he’s genuinely a bad person he just has walls built up so high tht its impossible for anyone to rly climb over 

to get a kiss from lix, u definitely have to have climbed over tht wall of his, or just fly a wrecking ball through it n send it crumbling to the ground

you’re literally the only exception, the only person who can rly get through to him 

he’d probably turn to you for comfort a lot, when dimitri agitates him with memories of glenn or his dad says something that ticks him off and he wants to punch something he’d just go to you instead, knock on ur door and just waltz in like he owns the place, sitting down on ur bed and u would know he wants cuddles bc this is how felix communicates 

if he had to actually say “i want cuddles” out loud he’d probably shoot himself in the foot with an arrow so he’s glad u understand, u always understand him just by looking at him n it’s reassuring bc he’s never been good with words.

its kind of cringe to him that he likes being held but shocker he likes being held 

he also rly rly likes it when u play with his hair he’s like a cat he will literally start nuzzling into you, so warm and pliant to your touch

ok im getting distracted back to the kissing shit

felix would probably just be rly overwhelmed with emotions n he doesn’t rly know how to tell u “i like u” so he just says “im going to kiss you.” like a literal statement n then he does it n ur just like o-o bc wtf. 

if ur not responsive at first he’d just pull away after a while and wouldn’t meet eyes with u and be all blushy. 

would let out a tch like the little shit that he is, and u have to turn his face so he’s properly looking at u again and meeting eyes with u 

he looks so vulnerable and stupidly gorgeous so u kiss him this time so he knows the feeling is mutual and it’d take him a min to really gather whats happening but once he does he’d literally. suck. the. life. out. of. your. face. period. 

felix kisses r rough n messy n just completely self-indulgent and he groans shamelessly when u pull his hair tie out from his bun and tug at his hair yes i have a thing for felix’s hair leave me alone.

gives 0 fucks would literally shove his tongue down your throat pull you flush against him and he always calls sylvain insatiable but rly its this fucker who’s insatiable he is literally eating your face. 

you’d have to pull him away from you and he’d just pant so hard against your lips and look at you like he wants to devour you and its kind of overwhelming bc he’s fucking hot !!!!! 

would shove his face into ur neck and mumble out an “i like you”  and u would tease him n be like “what did you say i cant hear u?” and he’d elbow u in the ribs  and groan into ur neck and u would laugh n kiss his head, telling him u like him too

at tht he’d lift his head up, his hair falling over his amber eyes and u would just push the strands away from his face and kiss him softly one last time before going back 2 ur conversation about punching sylvain’s face or sumn

anyway i love felix thanks 4 coming to my ted talk. 

requests are open! <3

- vivi ★

[pistolslinger]

i have been sitting here trying to think of a way of asking "tell me all of jespers secrets" without it seeming like its coming from jyn in an aggressive manner:/ libby vc: i would like a meta post on the things jesper hides

first of all thank u for this truly delightful ask, im sending u 10 kisses in the mail, they will be arriving shortly by courier. second of all. i am so sorry for how incoherent this is about to be

— The Big Secret is of course... the fact he’s grisha. he’s not ashamed of being grisha, but the fact he is, is tied up in a lot of unresolved childhood problems :( he spent so long hiding it, afraid of what could happen if he wasn’t careful about hiding it, and also (now) having met all these ravkan-trained grisha whose lives have been marked by misery and loss bc of the war... he feels weirdly vindicated? and also resents that fact? it’s a whole mess that even jesper is struggling to understand, so he can’t. talk about it to others. it’s too personal, it’s too close to the heart

— what happened to his mama & his childhood after her death :( that one’s just... a result of him not really processing it fully. he was such a young lad when she passed, and almost immediately after he had to take over a lot of her household duties. he had to grow up QUICK because he had a dad to look after ( just as much as colm had a son to look after ) and like. if he thinks about it too long, he’s actually very bitter about the things he feels he missed out on : / he doesn’t talk about THAT a lot bc. well. it hurts. why open up old wounds when he’s better off just keeping it buried. who is going to understand if he talks about this? 

— the dropping out of uni thing. like, he’s just outright ashamed of that. i feel like it’s kinda... evident why he would feel ashamed of that, but he, um. he DID try his best before the gambling got to be too much. he doesn’t talk abt that much at all bc he’s defensive abt it, and kinda touchy about academia in general. he knows how hard he worked to get into uni, he knows how smart he is, but he’s also perpetually ready for someone to try and act like he’s an idiot for dropping out, and so...... avoids the topic altogether

— the gambling lol. that’s a given. again, the gambling addiction is tied up in a lot of his own trauma & unresolved issues, a lot of stuff he’d rather just sidestep than try to explain to ppl he’s expecting judgement from :(

— this is verse dependent ig? but um. after ck, what happened to matthias turns into one of those things jesper just. cannot get into. not in the sense tht it’s a “secret” he has to hide, but like. he just. cannot bring himself to talk abt what happened to matthias. ( a bullet, a bullet happened to matthias, and he feels a lot of weird n misplaced guilt about it )

like, overall a lot of what he hides is things that take away from the persona he puts on for other ppl. he likes to act unbothered and devil-may-care, like he’s not afraid of risks or other people’s judgements about him, but like. he cares. so he guards that shit, guards it like he would his friends’ secrets.

[noyasboxdye]

Renga hcs

Notes: I love them so much they’re so pretty >.< but i didn't feel like actually typing right ill edit it later prolly...

Pairing: Reki + Langa

WARNINGS: none its fluff :)

How they confessed to each other

Mk first Reki didn’t confess. Technically he did but not really-

Miya had to like lowk force him lol

He was watching Langa try this new skating trick while he was taking a break on the bench

It was golden hour so Langa looked really pretty and his eyes *chefs kiss*

So basically Reki called him pretty

Miya being the lil bitch he is started teasing him about how he liked him but like in a joking typa way and he saw Reki blushing and was like “Oh my fucking god you do like him!”

Reki chopped him in the throat cuz he was being loud the Miya kicked his knee but thts, not the point-

Miya goes “So when are you gonna tell him?” Reiki looked at him like he was an idiot

“I’m- I would- could never tell him… he’s- like straight,”

“Well, how do you know have you talked about it?”

“Well- no but still- and even if he did like boys I would never take that risk of assuming that he did and possibly not only making myself look like an idiot but also maybe fuck up our relationship-”

He started rambling so Miya cut him off Langa was coming towards them anyways

But time skip like 2 weeks and Miya finally gets him to do it bc of a bet they made

He was a stuttering fucking mess

Like red asf could barely finish a word his throat was dry asf so he sounded like he’d been smoking cigs since he popped outta the womb and it was just a mess

“I’m g- like- well I’m not- basically- boys are pretty- but girls are really pretty and soft to- but- no stop basically your really- uhm... - really pretty and I- like- you but like- not like- like you- wait no I wanna be-” and he did that for maybe a little over 2 mins :/

He had to take a break because he was tearing up he got like suupppeerr frustrated with himself. He had never had problems confessing to girls before so for him to be a complete mess trying to talk to Langa- he felt dumb and pathetic-

He tried again and Langa stopped him and just said he likes him too.

If it wasn’t that then they were star gazing and having a deep conversation about their dreams and when their older and shit they like

Langa was showing him a constellation and was sitting up and him and Reki made that really intimate eye contact that you make before you kiss someone you’ve liked since forever and they kissed.

It was really cute

“So- uhm… do you like, like me like like like me as like a boyfriend,” reiki said Langa smiled and said yes

Then they kissed again

They didn’t feel like skating home so they just walked and held hands

They took the longer way home to talk more and hold hands longer

Then they hugged before Reki went inside his house

Reki started hyping himself up when he got to his room

Lol Langa just giggled

The dates they go on

They go stargazing a lot

Playgrounds like under the main slide part or the swings

Park, they find a quiet place and have a cute little picnic

Late-night drives

Skate park

Them in a relationship

They send a “good morning babe/stinkers/hon/ugly <3/:))” and a “good night ugly/baby/stinkers/hon <3/:))” every single day

They do their usual day

They’re the type of ppl to look at each other in class and start laughing hard asf

They have a lot of inside jokes- like it’ll be sum serious and somebody says “lamp” or wtv and they’re on the ground crying

Langa teaches Reki new tricks they’re that cute skating couple you see on TikTok tht you wanna be-

They Reki paints Langas nails

Rekis sister LOVE Langa so much omfg

Like Langa will come over specifically for the girls and they’ll have a tea party and a lil self-care day while the girls talk abt dumb shit reki does lol

Langa sometimes “talk” to his dad about Reki and it's really cute but sad- he’ll like ramble about him for hours on end and sometimes his mom will hear him and ask who he’s talking to and he’ll be like dad she thinks he has superpowers or sum

(Stan the moms they’re so pretty and funny)

They have dumb nicknames for each other like stinkie/stinkers/stink, bug, Rekis called him meemaw before .-.

They make sure they both eat at least 2 full meals a day and drink water and stuff

Langa and Reki hug each other in a way I don’t really know how to explain- BUT it feels warm and like yellow with golden flakes (if that makes sense)

[borom1r]

saw polycule asks!! so um. if we Are including strahm here, I honestly wld like to hear more abt the kinda dynamic he and eric have once they become more familiar/comfortable w each other? I know you've talked abt it b4 a little bit but what strikes me abt them is they've got a lot in common nd like!! I dunno I def think they'd be able to help each other in ways not a lot of other ppl cld! (bonus william if u want: anything regarding his + art's dynamic!!)

SKDFHJSDJ yea i love strahm too much to not like. kiiiiiinda include him in th polycule even tho i cant stand Hoffman n do like th absolute chaos of th Perez&Rigg&Gibson friendship where they are both Hoffman's exes. hilarious <3

BUT. my handholding capabilities r limitless and strahm has. very nice hands skjshdfh

ik ive talked abt th concept of Eric/Adam/Strahm as more of a mirror to Lawrence/Adam/Strahm before nd th idea that Adam n Strahm are vigilantes— th fuck-off big SAW polycule dynamic eliminates this need (mostly bc Strahm has a spray bottle full of water and every time Hoffman has a Jigsaw Thought™ Strahm sprays him with it)

obviously this changes up th general dynamics of ANY ship but boy. like you said, they’re very similar— it gets back into stuff ive talked abt before but Strahm, Eric, and Adam all reflect each other in their guardedness

as far as Eric/Strahm specifically, i think honestly Strahm would have some difficulty navigating th relationship at first. like, Eric’s in an especially fragile place and there’s so much trauma around what happened not just to himself but to Daniel as well tht I think Peter just. would have no idea how to address that.

I think Strahm is in an interesting place overall because I tend to vacillate between him having been in the water cube vs not. ultimately though I do think he would be— Hoffman is a caged animal and he needs time to settle into the idea that like. John is gone and Amanda/Jill/Lawrence (potentially; depends on my mood + how angsty I wanna be lol) aren’t going to turn him in for... abandoning the legacy. which means Strahm’s coming into things with this sense of.... not guilt  but absolutely the realization that he pushed things too far. just like Perez, he stuck his nose too deep into Jigsaw’s business and got the exciting opportunity to give himself a tracheotomy.

where m goin w this is like. I think he and Eric have similar difficulties w th idea of like. being too involved w/ their new family. if Strahm hadn’t pushed so hard, if he hadn’t been so deeply invested, Lindsey wouldn’t have gotten a faceful of ceramic shards. he wouldn’t struggle to click open a pen, or almost drop his mug every time the water bowl for Adam’s cat bubbles. it’s his own fault he’s like this.

and that’s like, not even remotely true but this is Strahm + he’s not exactly the king of emotional intelligence. or communication. and like neither is Eric but he’s more openly messed up so he’s kind of forced into communication— he’s also entirely unprepared to be alone, and his reliance on Art and Adam means he’s able to heal much more quickly. it’s a metaphor I’ve used for Strahm before, but Peter really has convinced himself he’s happy to just sit alone and pick at scabs. nothing heals, but if you do it long enough then nothing really hurts, either.

until he’s not. until Adam extends him an olive branch, a lifeline, a chance he knows he can’t let himself take yet can’t bear to turn down. so he exists as a ghost in this slowly growing, shared life. moreso than Eric, who is slowly rebuilding his relationship with Daniel, slowly accepting that he’s not destined to hurt these people he loves, that he isn’t inherently a monster. and that’s.. honestly something I think Strahm would be a little jealous of? it leads back to that “it’s just easier to let things fester” idea.

and like, depending on how I want to portray Hoffman, their relationship is almost a form of self harm. looking at this AU in a more serious light, Hoffman is someone Strahm doesn’t care about breaking. not really. they’re close in the worst ways. Strahm sticks his nose where it doesn’t belong and Hoffman grinds it into the dirt. which, doesn’t he deserve that? isn’t it better than unloading his baggage on a group of people so much more broken than himself?

it’s not that the others are unobservant, tho— they see Strahm hover on the outside, but Eric is in a unique position because he can recognize the worst of himself in Strahm. he’s been there. but much like Peter, he doesn’t know how to reach out, because as far as any of them know Strahm doesn’t want them to— his behavior has always led them to believe he isn’t comfortable around them. and he’s not, but he wants to be. just like, how long will it be before someone else he loves is bleeding in his arms? unless he keeps himself as far out of the equation as he can.

I think things come to a head one day, because Strahm still can’t just talk, stagnating even as the people around him heal. Mallick and Adam are hanging out at the dining table together, Eric and Strahm in the kitchen, working on something— deep in conversation, Mallick stimming by clicking a pen open + shut repeatedly. click, click, click, click- until Strahm slams his mug down on the counter hard enough to make Adam and Mal jump, and goes n shuts himself in the bathroom. and Eric just, knows. sees the person he’s trying not to be. tells Mal and Adam to go out for a while, goes and knocks on the bathroom door.

and Strahm doesn’t answer but Eric just, “I’m coming in” and opens the door because he sees that this is a bandaid that needs to be ripped off. Strahm won’t accept gentleness, at first Eric wouldn’t either, but he broke down alone and panicked so bad he almost ripped a patch of hair out before going to Adam and letting him shave it— Eric isn’t going to let Strahm get to that point. it’s not an option. Strahm’s gripping the edge of the sink so hard his knuckles are white, arms trembling, nauseous but fighting it like he’s fought everything else. Eric doesn’t touch him, just sits on the edge of the tub until Strahm finally looks at him in the mirror. can’t bring himself to turn around but still, still.

Eric, looking at Strahm in the way that always cuts right to the bone, that reminds him Eric used to be a cop too, but with a voice softer than Strahm thinks it should be (softer than he deserves): “You’re not a danger to us.”

the breath Strahm lets out rattles in his chest, a sob tightly clenched behind his teeth, eyes unfocusing. and Eric gets up, puts his arm around Strahm and squeezes his hip, watching in the mirror as Strahm’s head falls. “This doesn’t hurt.” — and it doesn’t, it is not painful for Eric to be there for him in this fragile moment. it is not shameful for Strahm to need this, isn’t even close to dangerous. this isn’t going to blow up in Eric’s face, even if Strahm feels the bomb ticking in his chest. Eric lets his hand wander up to cup the nape of Strahm’s neck, as he presses a firm, closed-mouth kiss to the side of Strahm’s head. and Strahm shatters, turns and curls into Eric, buries himself in the junction between Eric’s neck and shoulder, twisting the fabric of his t-shirt in his shaking fists, and Eric is still standing. he’s solid, lets Strahm cling to him and whispers, understanding: “Stay there as long as you want. I’ll make some new coffee and call Lindsey when you’re ready.”

Want. Want, not need. it isn’t a matter of bare minimum, of just-enough-to-survive. something dislodges in Strahm’s chest as he nods, lets himself close his eyes— and the next time he’s over for dinner, he lets his fingers idly brush Eric’s hip and isn’t met with a vision of Eric bleeding on the floor. Eric smiles, catches his hand and rubs his thumb across Strahm’s knuckles, a reassurance Strahm still doesn’t feel he deserves. Still: it doesn’t hurt. Eric is safe, pleased.

Strahm isn’t a danger.

+ ahh! William/Art!

i feel like this is a dynamic i haven’t touched on much at all?? but its! so good! ive at least mentioned it vaguely wrt William, Art, n Lawrence having their lil unofficial book club (one of my favorite hcs for the polycule ngl!!)

but like, just William/Art? oohdfkj!! they both hit me so hard bc they are BOTH just doing their jobs n they are both treated so unfairly nd are entirely victims of John’s hypocrisy

i do love th idea of them cooking together; ive addressed that wrt William/Lawrence, but fully I hc that both Art and William are excellent cooks!

I think they handle holiday dinners sjdfh— obviously chrismas is on th mind rn but genuinely I think they are both also festive people. Lawrence, Rigg, and Brit will usually spearhead the tree; decorating it is a collective effort, but assembling it, fixing branches, and stringing lights is handled by some combination of those three (they’re the ones w/ th patience to make it look nice). Adam and Mallick lead the charge on decorations around the rest of the apartment + generally lean to the tackier side of things. Eric bakes; Daniel + Diana help him make n decorate sugar cookies. but William and Art pretty much 100% handle dinner.

both of them stealing kisses every now and then, because Adam n Mal hung mistletoe right in the middle of the kitchen, and technically they’re under it, technically. and their love is really something they just… settled into. Quiet and comfortable, without much discussion— shared interests, shared love. How could they not? One quiet night alone together, as they get up to wash dinner dishes and Art sees William’s tattoos for the first time (before getting coverups, when he’s still so careful to keep his sleeves pulled low), a moment of vulnerability. And of course Art says something, without thinking: “He talked about you.” — met with William’s own quiet admission of “I saw you in the paper together.”

mutual recognition of their proximity to the devil. William’s hand settles on Art’s elbow, “we didn’t deserve…”

He can’t bring himself to finish it, what should be a statement almost turning into a question as he chokes on words the others have told them both so many times. and Art understands, of course he does. So much of their experience is formed of survivor’s guilt. If only William could’ve saved more of his coworkers. If only Art could’ve done more for Eric. If only they’d been stronger, smarter, faster— if only they hadn’t been monsters. Art, hand settling over William’s, lacing their fingers together: “We didn’t, but it feels like we did. I know.” and in that moment all William can do is lay his head on Art’s shoulder and nod, because he doesn’t trust himself to speak.

Now, they navigate the shared kitchen with an ease that only comes with understanding, with love— Art bumps William’s hip on his way to get a glass of wine and William’s laugh is warm, bright. Most of their family is already here, but it isn’t long before more come: Rigg, Gibson, Tracy and Alison (bc holy shit dude Tracy + Ali dating?? LOVE that thought!!); Lindsey and Kerry; Amanda, Pamela, Laura and Lynn (with Corbett as well, who quickly runs off to find Diana and Daniel). Their house is crammed full, their poor dining table has all the leaves and will only seat ten of them (eight comfortably, but they’re all happy to squeeze together) so some of them will be eating in the living room, some even standing, but none of them mind. What matters is they’re here, alive and together and happy, all of them. And if half the adults wind up on the floor with the kids when it’s time to exchange gifts, who cares?

and at the end of the night, everyone who’s leaving goes home with leftovers, because it’s part of the way William and Art show their love. Not just fixing enough, but extra, so the people they care about don’t have to stress about dinner the next night or get stuck eating take-out. The inherent tenderness of I made this for you, of take this home so life tomorrow will be a little easier, and know you’ll always have space in our home… yea..

[batz]

I know you talked abt it a while back,, but I'm sad and it make me happy so I was wondering if you had any more "bubby and coomer are like father figures to tommy" hcs??

- originally bubby and coomer only really babysat tommy like. once a week at Most, usually when gman himself couldn't keep an eye on him. but tommy took an Instant liking to bubby and coomer and more oftrn than not would just kinda hang around them whenever he could! bubby would complain, even if he DID like tommy (he just complains abt everything rlly), but coomer always welcomed tommy 2 hang out w them. it seemed like tommy ws just kinda lonely after all.

- the hanging out becomes more of a constant when gman ends up kiiinda becoming more. absent. hes a rlly busy dude and so tommy is more often than that left alone (dw he loves tomy v much still! hes just a v busy multidimensional business man) so there r many times where they end up looking after tommy fr days on end, bc his dad was just. Nowhere To Be Seen. tommy doesnt seem to mind much, but coomer n bubby definitely have their issues w it (as in, they both wanna beat gman up abt it DHDJDH). theyr more than happy 2 look after tommy tho!!! lots of movie nightz and fun Science Experimentz and shenanigans...

- coomer always wanted kids, but he never really ended up having any. it makes him a little sad sometimes, but he doesn't dwell on it! just how life works out sometimes. so when tommy starts sticking around a lot more, coomer instantly takes him under his wing. like ok well if your Real Dad isnt going to stick around I'll be ur Secondary dad!!! so will doctor bubby!!! (bubbys response 2 this being 'no i wont :/') coomer cares abt tommy a WHOLE bunch.

- bubby is a lot more an aloof stoic caregiver type. he doesnt DENY that he cares abt tommy ofc, hes just kind of a bastard abt it. he DOES have his soft moments tho. like if tommy passes out on th couch while watchin cartoonz bubby will kinda jus prop a pillow under his head and put a blanket on him. soft moment. bubby doesn't really like kids, at least he SAYS that hes never actually met many kids, since theyre not rlly allowed in black mesa. but he does rlly care abt tommy.

- bubby and tommy initially bond over legos. tommy LOVES legos and bubby is like yeah no these tiny colorful blocks r stupid as hell but ill humor you and build some stuff and then whoops bubby now also loves lego moments. bubby ends up 3d printing more types of legos for more intricate builds and him and tommy kinda go all out with shit like initially they were just building little rocket ships or cars and a month later they're recreating a miniature scale new york that u can walk thru. (YEARS later when minecraft is released tommy n bubby def have their own server full of intricate redstone creations) anyway YEAH bonding moments...

- tommy wants to learn to bake and coomer is like hmm ok! :) i dont know how to bake but lets TRY it!!! and its just... absolute disaster in the beginning. just a mess!!! the cookie dough somehow liquified in the oven and melted thru the cookie sheet. tommy is honestly really bummed out... he wanted 2 make monster cookies (cookies w m&ms in them YUM) but it was a failure and he just. feels so sad abt it :(. u kno how it is u set out to do something SPECIFIC and it ends in failure, it sucks!!! so coomer and tommy end up driving outta black mesa and into town to grab some monster cookies frm a local grocery store... tommy is glad he got cookie but is still bummed out. anyway that night coomer literally goes out of his way 2 learn how to bake so then he can teach tommy how 2 make some gotdam homemade MONSTER COOKIES. (i just lov th hc that coomer can bake rlly well and decided to make it even cuter by making it tht coomer initially learned how just 2 make tommy feel bettr dhddhhd)

- theyre really loving father figures but still not gr8 role models like a lot of coomers advice involves punching and a lot of bubbys advice involves shooting stuff w Gun. coomer still likes 2 drink radioactive sludge and jump off rlly rlly high up ledges for funsies (hes got super legs its ok!) and bubby likes lighting things on fire and causing general mayhem. if anything they ARE good role models bc tommy sees them do this shit and is like Hm I Will Not Do That:). examples of things u SHOULDN'T do hdjdhdjdh

[gryphsdeadbones]

hey from one nd person to another the comic where fm gordon says a slur seems kind of in poor taste. ik ur not intentionally making light of it and tht occurring in fm should be criticized but while you dont make it out to be a good thing making jokes about it and calling him a "slurboy" is kind of questionable? it makes it seem more like a plotpoint and angst rather than the creator of fm genuinely fucking up in the past (and having moved on from it)! i think exploring fm coming to terms with being nd is a good idea but this isnt the best way to do it. if you want me to explain my point more lmk if/when u post this and i will! someone already made a post abt it but it was kinda strongly worded and i wanted to approach you more calmly because i genuinely dont want to call you out or start drama or anything ;-;

first off thank you for being civil and patient with me i appreciate this ask a lot- also this got long- im not in a flying rage or anything when i bold or emphasis text, i just needed it also for my own readability and since im not the best at wording- hopefully this hellsite works and my response is under the cut

i would like to know how is it in poor taste when freemind explicitly gets clocked at the very end for saying it. the entire point of the comic was to show that saying the r slur has existed in his source and is bad

im not sure how much more direct i can get, with the disclaimer/warning list growing longer and longer and out there for a huge sign that says “this au can get dark as fuck and these subject matters are treated seriously/not something to mess around with.” Like yes, there are some jokes in the asks and other comics, but that specific comic is not supposed to be “haha thats funny”. it has a serious tone using a rough sketch style bc i was super tired and wanted to vent

was it just the direct reference to it that just made people uncomfortable? because thats 100% understandable, and i made sure i tagged it appropriately (although admittedly, a little bit late since i thought the filter would catch at least the main thing)

i think what some people somehow got from it is “exploring sensitive content = endorsing said content” which! that is not the intent! i absolutely do not want people saying that word! I don’t want people thinking that is any way okay for this character to say

its more of a damned if i do address it, damned if i dont.

if it never comes up, people are gonna assume that ‘oh this character says slurs and is shit, surely the creator or fan-creator MUST be okay with it and woobifies freemind and absolves him of any mistakes’ or something like that. no. this asshole has an arc and i want to do it right. its serious and i think it shouldn’t be shoved under the rug

and people just. dont want to read for context for whatever reason. theyll start watching it and get taken aback by the slur and start blaming me ‘hey you never warned for this’ when very early on i keep mentioning over and over ‘you dont have to watch it if you dont want to! This has slurs and 2000s internet brand humor/style’ You really dont, I’m not forcing you to watch it- Literally all you need to know is either canon half life or hl/vrai. thats it. fm mostly follows hl1 with very slight changes.

so i had to make something that:

1. warns people who arent aware and dont want to go through my asks or about/warning pages (for whatever reason) and just want to see the art

2. also NOT downplay freemind’s canon assholery. listen, i kinda despise writing mean and cruel characters, theyre hard to do, and a lot of people get shit for doing it wrong or people going “character = author”

i’ve also considered leaving the bubbles blank, but then people could fill it with whatever they want, then blame me for being vague. or they’d fill it in with a different kind of slur that freemind has never used, even if he MIGHT be the type to do that. I needed to explicitly mention that it is ableist slur. There are shitty racist and other problematic jokes, but never those kinds of extreme racial slurs to my knowledge.

Although I do see your point that maybe joking about it outside of the serious stuff might not be the best route. The slurboy jokes are getting stale, and I will try a better way to remind people.

The thing that gets to me is that it feels people are more than ready to defend either Ross Scott or Gordon Freeman the fictonal character himself. I don’t??? really care for Ross Scott, so I don’t know if he’s ever brought it up specifically. I’m not really calling him out or cancelling him. Idc for some white man’s feelings, im only bringing the timeframe of That era and reworking it to fit in This current era.

And I hate to break it to people: Gordon Freeman is a blank slate character, you can project whatever the hell you want on him as long as it’s not freakshit illegal garbage. The machinimas (fm, hl/vrai) do have SOME characterization that I want to nail down. It fucking sucks when characters are ooc, and I’m trying not to do that, even if it means sacrificing some comfort. But still mostly staying in my comfort zone if that makes sense

Now about the callout that I do not want to engage with the op directly:

Honestly im very surprised the comic was called out when i just. thought my stuff is relatively tame on exploring the bad shit canon freemind does. ive seen him in fancontent where they really dont hold back and its still played off as ‘kinda funny’ tone.

I really don’t know if people just want any reason to hate me for whatever reason. That’s fine I guess, I can’t please everyone and they dont have to like me.

But like. isn’t it so much easier for the op of that to block me and the post and move on. Why kick up such a fuss. I can see that thinly veiled death threat of a vague. That’s pretty fucked up- Like holy fucking god, you do not have to like my stuff. I’m not holding you at knifepoint to like my stuff. I’ve specifically made two different tags (one general au, one specific au) if anyone wants to blacklist it for their own reasons I do not need to know. I don’t want to know.

You’re allowed to be uncomfortable. You’re allowed to unfollow/blacklist/block.

However you just don’t go ranting about it for something you horribly misinterpreted. If it bothers you so badly, literally just. drop me a message to clarify. thats it. or save yourself the time and block me.

I’ve blocked the op for both our sakes, but if anyone wants to send this post to them, then thats fine. I don’t want anything to do with them.

I don’t want to link the post and blow it up. I just want shit clarified, dropped and we can move the fuck on with our lives. 

If you’re reading this and don’t know what the post is, please don’t bother. I do not want people going after the op with threats, please keep it civil, I’d prefer if you don’t engage with the post at all on my behalf.

Despite this huge wall of text, I do not want this to be a big deal, so please don’t ask me about the details.

_

As for anon, feel free to dm me either on here or. Maybe on discord if you’d still like to suggest or have something more cleared up. I’m still willing to hear any kind of feedback, and i want to thank you again for being reasonable about this

[angeltrapz]

SAW ask time 💚 wld love to hear abt chainshipping + Adam bein autistic— maybe like what Lar notices abt Adam’s stims, things he does for him/ways he helps when Adam needs it. Also for Eric/Adam, maybe any thoughts on Eric finally like.. realizing he’s got a special interest?? ik we’ve talked abt how hard he masks but bein around Adam (n Mallick) helps him relax abt that, so like maybe how does he react + what is th special interest? anything u wanna dish abt!

thank u it’s always SAW ask time in my heart <33

!!! I was just thinkin abt tht!!! our minds 💫

I think th first time he rly sees Adam stimming (i.e. flapping his hands) he’d be like “what’s that?” but not in a rude way - genuinely a tone of “I want 2 know more abt this thing, pls tell me” rather than anything anywhere near condescending/annoyed/mean-spirited like Adam has dealt w fr YEARS at this point. so he’s definitely put on edge a lil bit bc he can’t help it, maybe he starts to like wind down and force himself into quiet hands, but Lawrence is immediately like “no I wasn’t making fun of you!! u don’t have to stop doing it!” which kinda stops Adam short like. what r we doing here. usually when ppl ask me tht they’re also telling me 2 stop. finally Lawrence says “I was just wondering what kind of stim tht was,” like he didn’t almost (accidentally) uproot Adam’s whole shit + is currently Doing So Now by using actual terms tht Adam didn’t know he knew, n so he like takes a moment to absorb tht comment n then he’s like. “oh. it means I’m happy or excited?” and honestly? when Lawrence hears tht? he’s like “oh... so then you’re rly happy? 🥺” n it’s just like. a moment fr both of them lol. (Adam feels Much safer discussing things after tht too, in several ways. it definitely helps w building trust between them!!)

after that though Lawrence definitely takes notice of more things! he’s not afraid 2 ask questions, so tht’s smth tht’s rly good fr them - Lawrence being able to seek information (he also does his own reading + research) to better understand, n not in tht shitty mommy blogger “I know yr in there somewhere” way. he doesn’t want 2 change Adam. he wants a better grasp on wht Adam’s experiences r like so he can help n minimize stress abt certain things. fr Adam tht’s definitely like.. foreign territory, bc as u’ve mentioned b4 + my personal hc as well, his parents didn’t really care 2 get him formally diagnosed + even acted like there was No Way he cld be neurodivergent in any sense, so 2 have some1 who is interested n respectful is So important 2 him. (personal hc time: I hc Adam as both adhd AND autistic like me so there’s tht!!)

so like he takes notice of th way Adam likes 2 roll things btwn his fingers (shirt sleeves, shirt hems, hoodie drawstrings, blankets, soft fabrics he likes the texture of, etc.) n is just like Oh Idea. I like 2 think he gets Adam one of those bead lanyards (like this one, which I also have!) fr him to fidget w n he kind of presents it like “I thought maybe u wld like smth like this?” n honestly he’s a lil nervous abt what Adam is going 2 say. but Adam takes it n holds it fr a minute, rolling th beads n messing w th lanyard itself 2 kind of test it, n he just looks up n smiles n he’s like “I love this. u’ve been paying tht much attention??” n fr Lawrence it’s just like “yes? of course? bc I love u?” like it’s th simplest thing in th world n Adam’s just. Huh. no he does Not tear up, if Lawrence told u tht he’s lying. he’s just Rly not used 2 ppl who want 2 know more without wanting to “get inside his head” or belittle him fr it (ties into my hc tht fr th most part, Adam hasn’t rly had any Good friends...) so it takes a lil getting used to.

another thing!! Lawrence does is ask 2 listen 2 Adam infodump abt his special interests - esp photography!! like they do this thing where if it’s not too late at night by th time Lawrence comes home frm work, Lawrence will take a quick shower n then get into his pajamas n into bed (just fr some quiet quality time b4 they go to bed, bc he still tends 2 come home a bit late), n he’ll have Adam sit next 2 him n he’ll be like “what do u want to tell me?” bc tht’s another thing tht Adam was entirely unused 2 - having ppl who didn’t just tolerate his infodumping, they wanted to hear it. Lawrence might be th first person to not actually give him shit fr it/tell him he’s being annoying/shut him down completely. again, it takes Adam a lil bit to b fully comfortable w it, but once he is he adores having tht time to be excited abt things w another person! who he knows Wants to listen!! (if we’re going th route I personally like 2 think abt sometimes too, where Lawrence is autistic as well, I feel like they infodump back n forth abt photography n medical stuff. do either of them rly know what the other is saying? not rly. are they listening happily bc that’s their partner n it’s smth they’re excited abt? oh absolutely!)

I think Adam has a tendency to eat a lot of th same foods bc they’re safe n he knows he likes them/doesn’t mind their texture (which is a big issue w trying new foods fr him), which is smth tht Lawrence also takes note of and as such, he likes 2 make sure they’re regularly stocked up on at least some of tht stuff. it’s not even smth he tells Adam he’s doing, bc it’s rly tht simple 2 him - Adam likes these things n therefore we shld have them at th house - but fr Adam it’s just One Of Those Things, y’know?? he got so much shit as a kid fr being such a “picky eater” n got shit fr it as a teenager too bc “why don’t u ever try anything new??” was smth his friends/parents Loved 2 say. it’s th fact tht Lawrence rolls w it so easily, doesn’t poke or prod for reasons he eats th way he does, and doesn’t get upset w him fr it/try 2 force him into things he isn’t comfortable w. it means a lot to him, more than he’ll ever have words 2 say (but he does always kiss Lawrence’s cheek when he gets back frm th store n he sees some of his same foods, which is just as good). it’s loving tht he’s autistic because it’s a part of him, a fact, not despite or in spite of. tht’s what’s so nice n kind of healing abt it; feeling safe 2 express yrself as u are w a partner who u know u can trust. who maybe words questions a bit funny sometimes, completely unintentionally, not out of malice (where allistic Lawrence is concerned, anyway). Adam feels Safe, n tht means a lot 2 him.

as fr ways he helps him!! a big thing is tht Lawrence is observant, esp as they spend more n more time together. a lot of th time, even when it’s just th two of them alone, Adam might have trouble maintaining eye contact fr an extended period of time, n Lawrence might not know how much it Actually helps, but he doesn’t mind tht Adam doesn’t always look at his face when they’re talking. it’s smth tht takes a little getting used 2, but he was never shitty about it w Adam. the way he sees it is if it makes Adam more comfortable, why shld he get upset abt it? it’s not like he doesn’t know when Adam’s talking 2 him anyway, or tht he can’t tell if Adam is listening; Lawrence knows both of those things, so Adam not making eye contact isn’t a problem, y’know? it’s okay. n I rly don’t know if Lawrence is fully aware of how much Adam appreciates tht.

another thing is he’s patient + understanding when Adam is nonverbal, whether it be bc he’s having a shutdown/meltdown, sensory overload, or just plain Difficulty w speech. it kinda depends on what I’m writing at th time, but I feel like Adam might have picked up at least a lil bit of sign language here n there; mostly simple phrases tht get th point across. I like 2 think Lawrence learns what they mean so he can take tht stress off of Adam’s shoulders, but most times, Adam is just comfortable sitting in silence w someone he cares abt.

OH brief thing Lawrence is RLY good at helping w pressure stims. he gives amazing bear hugs n I feel like he’d also probably let Adam lay on him if they’re on th couch/in bed. I just Feel It.

-

OHH I think abt Eric finally developing a special interest now tht he feels more comfortable w doing so a lot. honestly I kind of rly like th idea tht his special interest might be info abt rats! it kind of hits him when he catches himself writing down lil facts (tht might not even be related to pet care!) in his notebook so he’ll remember them + always being excited 2 learn more n share what he’s learned. it makes Adam SO happy to see him being comfortable w tht aspect of himself, esp now that he’s safe to explore it w ppl who understand n who won’t discourage him/belittle him for it,, Mallick too of course, but Adam knows how much Eric struggled w tht kind of thing for such a long time so he’s just. Ah. 🥺🥺

like they’ll all b chilling on th couch (Eric, Mallick, n Adam) n Eric will have his head against Adam’s shoulder while his hand is on Mallick’s chest, who has HIS head in Eric’s lap w his legs dangling off th armrest, n he’ll be like “did u know tht when rats r happy, they grind their teeth together? it’s called bruxing n then sometimes their eyes move in their sockets rly fast while they’re doing it. tht’s called boggling.” n Adam will be smiling so wide when he says he didn’t know tht but it’s rly cool!! n then Mallick will start asking questions n he n Adam just listen while Eric infodumps fr probably th very first time since he was very very young, before it was masked out of him by his parents. n he finds tht he Doesn’t feel so bad abt it anymore, not when he’s around ppl who want him to be happy and want to see him be happy - esp ppl who encourage it n let him know it isn’t smth he has to hide/keep locked away. it’s hard 2 b ashamed of himself when Adam n Mallick r looking at him w genuine interest in their eyes n so so much love.

he might still like, slip back into masking behaviour every now n then, bc it’s something he’s still dealing w n learning 2 leave behind, but after he discovers his first special interest it gets a little easier, letting go of that way of life. it was smth he was forced into by adults who didn’t actually want th best for him like they said they did when they put him through “therapy,” but w partners he knows understand n who are even autistic themselves, Eric slowly learns 2 be more comfortable w it. it’s slow, but it’s progress. bit of a learning curve. he’ll get there.

[kimnjss]

jimin.. that was a yes or no question 😭 do you even want to be with yn? that should be proof enough he isn’t looking to commit and be in a relationship with her. you’re just pressed she’s not giving you anymore attention and now you’re gonna mess up your own career because you can’t handle someone not putting up with your shit anymore. stop giving her the hope that you want something more with her but then waste her time when you still wanna fuck around. as for yn… *sighs* her actions really makes me question whether or not she’s into jin like she thinks. bc recreating all your memories and good times you’ve had with jimin through jin is just fucked up and it’s treating jin as a rebound/replacement. and then showing off gifts that jimin got her like girl… 🥴 throw that shit away or give it back 😭 i don’t really have much to say about jin but i do wonder if he’s even picking up the signs that yn’s not over jimin and might get heartbroken 🥺 maybe that’s he just continues the ‘act’ or will tell yn that it was all an act when shit hits the fan idk 😭 im stressed, sorry for the rant

all of this ! jimin can't even answer that simple question for himself so there's no way jimin is gonna be getting a straight answer out of him . we do know tht he does have feelings for yn - he's swallowed them nd is an expert at ignoring them ., but they were there when they were together . nd this abrupt stop to their hookups is affecting him more than he wants to let on - but until he's able to admit that honestly to himself nd then out loud to the people that need to hear it ., he doesn't need to be trying for any type of commitment .

nd as for yn... she does like jin ., but her feelings for him are still new nd growing . while she was completely falling for jimin . she knows him tho nd that he's not into the whole serious relationship thing ., so she's in the headset of just shifting those feelings elsewhere (which is not okay in the slightest-) but it's not something that she's doing intentionally ., she just figures since she knows she does like jin - she can speed up the whole process nd start falling for him ., nd in turn forget abt jimin . keep in mind ., she never had an actual moment to get over the guy before she was being thrusted into another relationship .

[zombieratt]

Alright so forewarning this is LONG as FUCK specifically because i came up with this idea in early high school and was just today POSESSEd By the Spirit Of Musical Theatre to put it to paper— er Tumblr.

So without further ado:

DEAR EVAN HANSEN BUT EVAN ISNT A TERRIBLE PERSON AND CONNOR LIVES.

the beginning is the same, canon diverges just after waving through a window.

*this ended up getting written is script format? i also just sorta ignore alana’s whole exsistance bc in this version of the play she’s unnecessary*

In the moments before he talks to Connor evan decides to omit Zoe from his letter, having resolved himself to move on from her. (instead of being a hella creep.)

Connor: “dear Evan Hansen,” what are you writing letters to yourself? *he laughs*

Evan: its, uh, its for my therapist. its just a stupid little assignment that she says is supposed to help me process my feelings or— uh or something

Connor: hm. here. * hands Evan the letter*

Connor: your cast. no one’s signed it.

Evan: uh no. no one has.

Connor: gotta sharpie?

Evan: huh?

Connor: gotta sharpie? im gonna sign it.

Evan: *handing the sharpie to Connor* w- whuh uh why?

Connor: *shrugs* feels right.

Evan: i wish i could do that

Connor: what?

Evan: UH, IMEAN—

Connor: no wait- dude.

Evan: i mean uh, i meant that i wish i could just be, y’know impulsive like that.

Connor: Why Cant you be?

Evan: i uh, my heads pretty messed up, and stuff like that just, makes it worse i guess.

Connor: well theres some thing we have in common— were both fucked up in the head.

*the bell rings*

Evan: oh shoot! i missed the bus—

Connor: i’ll give you a ride.

Evan: are you sure i mean i can walk its not far-

Connor: all the more reason, i probably have to pass it on my way home anyway, cmon.

——

they meet Zoe in the parking lot

Zoe: I have Late practice today

Connor: whatever, gotta passenger.

Zoe: who the fuck would be crazy enough to trust your ability to drive?

Evan *being Brave*: Me Apparently?

Zoe: Uh, Evan Right?

Evan: yeah, uh, yeah.

Zoe *holding her hand out to be shaken*: i’m Zoe, we’ve met though right?

Evan wipes his hand on his shirt and shakes it: yeah, uh, nice to formally meet you, Zoe.

Zoe: i’m off, don’t kill him stoner.

Connor: i wont Princess

Evan breathing heavy: that was,, an eventful ten minutes.

Connor: oh fuck— you cool? or—

Evan: Panic Attack.

Connor: Right, uh

Connor: can you get in the car?

Evan: yeah

*car nonsense*

Connor: Can i start driving or do you want me to wait

Evan: Distractions are good,, Can Uh, Can you Talk about Stuff?

Connor: What stuff!??

Evan: any Stuff!

Connor: Is Zoe okay??

Evan: Sure?!

Connor: Uhh we don’t get along as well as we used to?

we were really close as kids, shes a huge asshole now but *fully venting now*

i kind of miss it you know? having someone to talk to and care about— and i still care about her— but its scary and i always fuck it up! not to mention the fact that our parents hate me— make her see me as some alien and not just a fucked up kid who wants to talk and — (more ranting that i dont feel like writing, but its a whole monologue bro)

Evan: Connor

Connor snaps his mouf shut: yeah

Evan: thanks

Connor: oh that, uh actually helped?

Evan: yeah focusing on your voice and whats real and stuff— it makes a difference.

Neither of them noticed that Connor was just sort of Driving. they end up at the park where in canon Connor commits Sewer-slide.

Evan: i didn’t know there was a park here.

Connor: huh, oh, yeah i guess i just sorta auto piloted, i come here to think.

Evan: About stuff?

Connor: Yeah, Stuff.

*the convo lulls*

Connor: do you have a laptop?

Evan: no, i uh, i left it at home? why?

Connor: give me a second

Connor walks to the car and grabs his back pack out of the back seat

Evan watches Quizzically from the swing-set

Connor pulls out a Sketch Pad and Pen, flipping to a clean page.

Connor: So tell me how to write one of those letters of yours.

Evan: uh, well you start like any other letter- just addressing it to yourself

Connor writing: Dear Connor Murphy,

Evan: and uh, my first one was supposed to be about my ideal summer vacation? since i started in middle school- but you don’t have to—

Connor: thats perfect.

Connor starts to sing for forever,

eventually Evan joins in there is a minor gay moment where they’re holding hands face to face.

the song ends with Connor hugging Evan.

Evan: its- its pretty late.

Connor obviously crying: just— just a couple more minutes.

Evan lets go and grabs Connors sketch book of the ground, closing it and handing it off to him: then how about this, labor day weekend- we actually go.

Connor: what are you talking about?

Evan: being spontaneous?

Connor: o-okay.

and it cuts to black.

theres a small montage here, as the set changes to Connor and Evans bedrooms

sincerely, me is a lament in this context, Connor and Evan are duetting from their respective rooms, writing to themselves.

(the lyrics are completely different and i will not be writing them here because thats too much fucking effort.

but they’re duetting from their bedrooms about making a connection to another person, feeling seen, for the first time. what it felt like and how they really want to keep it up but are afraid of making a mistake and ruining it.

its got some themes of waving thru a window, and a little bit of for forever, but its still largely the same notes just in a different key.)

after wards, Zoe knocks on Connors door to tell him dinner is ready to find him peacefully asleep.

requiem is the same, Zoe sees Connor as Dead to Her instead of actually dead, so some of the wording changes, so and so about how a monster doesn’t deserve peaceful rest etcetera.

school day happens, Connor doesn’t die, but the hot goss is that everyone saw Connor and Evan go home together after school, jared makes a shitty homophobic joke to Evan and Evan kind of tells him off about it. they argue and it culminates in Evan saying “well god forbid I’m friends with someone who isn’t YOU!” or smth like tht and it hits jared right the fuck at home man.

Connor says from the side lines: damn that was pretty hard core dude.

Evan: you have, no idea how long i’ve wanted to do that.

Connor honest to god l a u g h s, theres a number of people who hear it and lose their shit, Zoe being one of them: i have a pretty good idea, wanna get some lunch?

Evan: yeah, sure.

this general routine continues until labor day weekend, when they plan to go on their little escape. theres a short scene of Connor leaving the house with his keys and a backpack.

Connors mom confronts Zoe about his oddly upbeat attitude and hows he’s seemed differently lately Zoe Shrugs but decides to investigate his room.

she finds the letters. the first one is for forever, the theme plays as she reads it frantically, and is signed “Sincerely me (connor murphy)” so she knows its him, i f i could tell her begins but its a real duet between Connor and Zoe and at the end she resolves to try harder to connect to him.

Evan sings disappear to Connor after breaking into a formerly public park, in this context its him confessing that he broke his arm attempting su!c!de. Connor records it, for personal reference.

jared hacks Connors phone and steals the video, posting it to yt, in an effort to ruin their friendship.

Evan and Connor get in a little fight about it, and in the meantime Evan is called to the school to give an assembly because hes a phenomenal speaker and Disappear got like 1000000 views over night.

Zoe and Connor bond a little bit in a short scene before the assembly

Zoe: wheres Evan what happened?

Connor: Kleinman Did!

Zoe: what?

Connor: Why Do you care?

Zoe: because! you look happy around him!

Connor: i, i do?

Zoe: yeah? he could tell the worst joke ever written and you’d crack up. i haven’t heard you laugh like that in years Connor, maybe ever.

Connor: oh.

Zoe: Come back inside?

Connor: y, Yeah.

they all perform You Will Be Found together.

end act 1.

(no more dialogue from here i got tired)

to break in a glove is Connor’s dad trying to reconnect with him, it goes mediocrely, but Connor feels like hes being seen by his dad for the first time in years. its said in metaphors, but this is Connors dads way of saying that if Connor is willing to put in the work, so is he. they hug at the end, things are looking up. some talk of therapy is sprinkiled in the dialogue as they walk of stage together.

Only Us is Evan and Connor saying that they saved each other. its loosely romantic, as its a love song, but they don’t out right say that they’re in love or anything, they don’t know if theyre ready for that. its a promise. the song ends with Connor finally apologizing for pushing Evan over at the beginning of the show.

good for you is sung by jared only, as a power ballad, about losing people you didn’t treasure. its his attempt at an apology, but it ultimately fails, since jared is unable to take responsibility for his own actions. this is where jared and Evan go their separate ways.

Evan’s mom comforts him, as he sings words fail, which is about specifically jared, and how their rocky friendship is ruined and Evan pegs himself as the cause, instead of parents or perfect girl he uses metaphors that apply to best friends— maybe more. and talks about how he didn’t try, he was happy so he ignored that jared was hurting, and how that was really shitty of him. but instead of it being a generally somber song the end is lighter, because Connor is there— waving through his front window.

Evans mom sings So Big/So Small as Evan steps out the front door to embrace Connor and they mime talking about jared, hug and take hands. the house moves off stage in preparation for the finale.

Connor and Evan open the finale saying each others names, and sing it together as the test of the cast (minus jared) joins in, Evans mom taking his hand and Zoe Taking Connors, Evans mom the Murphys and Zoe break off to the back where Evan and Connor finish the final “all i see is sky for forever” while looking into each others eyes, and finish the musical by embracing (maybe kissing if thats ur jam).

[alphaketoglutaricacid]

@onehithero said: also we know theres at least some actual animals besides gadoll liek the scorpion n cows tht show up for a sec in ep 1 so tankers hav tht going for them re: food sources ..SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH deca dence essay got sleeper agent activated

onehithero said: i rly like what usaid abt kabu from natsumes pov too but i cannot form a half cohernet thought abt tht one

onehithero said: ALSO ALSO i think its interesting how the ep 8 conversation w minato is i think the only time kabu talks abt being jealous of humans being able to choose their own paths

onehithero said: also how minatos convinced hes like a good lil cog in the machine yet hes done 50 things tht wuld get him labeled as a bug but he just ignores all tht. the both of them can be so disconnected w reality

onehithero said: like minato didnt know abt 1)natsume 2) how the system has made kabu so severely depressed n he culdnt put up w it anymore.n minato continues pushing the just go along w the system shit he doesnt understand tht he was contributing to kabus misery.. n bc of tht kabu doesnt trust minato enough to tell him abt natsume for so long but then he goes n asks smth so big of him as go against the system

onehithero said: thinks abt how kabu n minato r obviously so important to each other but minato understands him less n less over time & kabu kinda already knew its risky to confide in minato like minato did know abt pipe which was a long time ago but he didnt know abt natsume til kabu was already sacrifing himself for her sake. n yet kabu then goes n tries to get him on his side anyway cuz he wants tht so badly..

onehithero said: OMG OMG CHEWS THESE WORDS SLOWLY N THROUGHLY SO DELICIOUS THANK U THANK U u get it u understand i love reading n writing essay lengh responses abt deca dence & again u just hit the nail on the head w this

Please let me know if this @ u 8 times and sorry if it did.  I will reply under this readmore but i love this enthusiasm! I like discussing this stuff so if u want keep it coming. I wanna understand deca dence better and i think i will by sharing ideas w other ppl. 

I think kabu and minatos relationship  is as good as it is because theres clearly a lot of mutual love and respect between them even when they don’t understand each other and thats why minato still runs after him when he hears kabu going suicide mission lets go baby. I think its interesting that minato was like ready to lie down and accept getting mass scrapped until he hears kabu go im about to be hilarious and hes like actually living and staying alive sounds great actually forget what i said about it being over.   you are so right about kabu and trust and natsume. I will always cherish episode 5 where kabu gives this big rousing speech about how natsume inspired him and saved his life and minatos there like ..who? ..what?? I think they may not be used to hiding things from each other. Also I think them drifting apart mirrors natsume and feis drifting apart tho I think while feis the instigator on that side kabus more on his side and minato like natsume is like wondering what in da world is going on. I think someone else wrote about this better than I can.

I do think minato does know kabus severely depressed because theres this line in ep 4 where he puts his hand on kabu and says like you’ve toiled enough at that awful job. and also in episode 11 when he and kabu talk and kabu says he was in a similar place as minato now in that he was waiting every day to be scrapped minato has no reaction until kabu says but that bug saved me. I think he knows kabus very depressed but he does not know how to address it cuz the system never gives either of them the tools or options for it. Though also I feel the system discourages meaningful relationships between the cyborgs so I think what minato and kabu have is likely pretty rare. Kabu donetello and turkey also fought together for a long time but turkey turns on donetello in a second even tho they fought together, he was his number two, and they were in prison together, and were pretty much all they got and donetello kills him in turn. I also think minato probably knew because he’s empathetic. Like I’m not sure about compassion but he’s very good at understanding where other ppl are and how to meet them in the middle so both parties get something they want. That’s how he got all the gamers to collect the old deca dence parts. Not by cashing in on ppl doing the right thing but by framing it as the final mission. He gets his lgbt community center coworkers for fight with him one last time by appealing to their sense of duty. He got the system to put kabu in jail instead of getting scrapped when Mikey got scrapped for a lesser offense. The list goes on. A tangent but I think the fact he acknowledges the living conditions of the humans are gonna get worse if nothing’s done even tho he’s apathetic at best towards them shows even when the system tries to mold the cyborgs into the roles it wants, sometimes the traits they have just keep on going despite themselves. I’m gonna stop myself before I go into jill and this theme but I’m gonna talk about it someday. So I think its more likely than not he knew but he didn’t know how to navigate around it also because it’s heavily implied he’s going thru the same thing and I think kabu might genuinely have no idea Bc kabu lacks empathy but his heart... is huge. When he hears minato express his feelings of not knowing what he wants he instantly tries to reach out and explain minatos not alone in what he feels. This is why they’re good foils. while kabu moves past where he was in the start where he states he does not intend to oppose the system and his compliance while also trying to do the bare minimum drives him to suicide, and finds the willpower and a reason to live and rebel against the system through his connection to other people (first natsume , he hangs out w kurenai sometimes too, and then with the jail robots). Meanwhile minato whos stuck in his literal ivory tower (it’s a Metaphor) never makes any of these connections. It’s the irony of kabu working at a armor repair job giving him some ability to connect w others vs minatos higher position isolating him from everyone else. I think kabu living amongst the ppl he harmed drove him to give up on life quicker, while minato being far apart shielded him from rlly having to see the effects of his actions I think he was headed a lil slower in the same direction. I think we’re led to believe minatos okay where he is but I think towards the end it’s clear minato has spent most of the series also in a bad place. I think he views things very similarly to kabu in that he wants to use what power he does have to protect the ppl he cares about similar to how initially kabu tried to just convince natsume to quit several times and he was like whatever at the rest of the humans who are natsumes comrades dying but he chooses to put it all on the line and try for some systemic change when he sees natsumes determination to fight. Also I think minato holds very little loyalty to the system cuz he doesn’t only like breaks 1000 rules for kabu (the hypocrisy) but he also looks the other way a lot. For example, when he overheard the top rankers talk about limiters he’s like I’ll pretend I don’t hear it also turn on private mode next time and he doesn’t berate them for considering cheating. Also donetello has been using an illegal avatar to climb to S rank again (isn’t it interesting that even after the ranked system is abolished something similar took its place). And his avatar looks the same as it did when minato worked with the guy. There’s probably like not that many ppl in s rank. And he calls himself donetello. Minato knows he’s supposed to be in jail but does he tell anyone? He’s like well.. that looks like someone else’s problem if they notice *goes and vapes* it’s so funny how little minato cares but it’s also not funny Bc some of minatos cruelest actions and things he’s complicit in are born not outta malice but apathy to everything. I think it shows (tangent number 4?) how the systems use of excessive force is counter productive cuz neither minato nor kabu are willing to report anything to disrupt the order Bc neither of them think the level of punishment is warranted. I also think that minato is probably the first person kabu really opens up to about why on a personal level he feels the system needs to be destroyed after Ep 7 is really interesting. It really speaks to how deep their [mutual and not platonic relationship I don’t know how to label ] is. I also think that he admits to minato that he envies human is rlly interesting and would like to hear what u have to think! I think it’s interesting that what really sets minato off is kabu saying he wants to choose for himself and also wants other cyborgs to have that freedom and I think it’s one of the few times we see minato get genuinely angry and have it not stem from worry. Tangent 5 I’m really extrapolating here but I think it’s very likely given how high up minato is that he likely knows of several cyborgs that rebelled against the system for similar reasons as kabu and knows how it ends and I think it probably feeds into his defeatist attitude. I think his role in the system must really kill whatever grasp of whatever minato has cuz he constantly has to act like it’s almost the end of the world and he’s strapped for resources all the time for like decades and decades of having to fake that type of desperation to entertain ur player base and cuz ur also on tv to entertain the general populace to distract them from their soul sucking jobs. I think that’s gotta mess with his perception of himself and also his ability to see that struggle as real and genuine. I think that’s also gotta be hard cuz he seems like out of his whole fuck we r under attack persona he seems like he’s a lil closed off but generally chill and somewhat upbeat to ppl who know him and he just wants to be isabella from animal crossing. I got really off track here. I think what really gets me is their relationship is built on knowing each other so well and so long , and how it’s managed to survive and persist through all this tragedy. They really mutually respect and love each other and that’s why kabu let’s minato walk away from his revolution even tho it compromises everything he works for. It’s why minato ultimently accepts kabus willingness to die for a tanker even tho he really doesn’t get it at all and it means it’s goodbye forever. But it’s still not enough to save either of them. Minato can’t save kabu from trying to passively starving himself to death and I’m not sure if kabu even knows where minato is at mentally. Sometimes no matter how close u are to someone there r things u miss and things u can’t help each other with. Even tho the two resolve to fight and then die together cuz this seems like the best choice Bc the system they were born into offers no alternatives, the deca dence doesn’t even activate without the help of other ppl. I think it shows one relationship cant support all that weight. In the end it is through their bonds with other ppl that gets them to an ending where they both survive when they decided alone their only option is death. Also u are so right about the other animals existing I totally forgot ty I cannot believe I forgot about the scorpion which calls to natsumes hairstyle which is a visual gag on how natsumes a bug and how like a scorpion, although unassuming, and fucking kill u, just like how her trying to get her boss to open up eventually leads to the whole thing toppling down. I also have a lot of thoughts about natsume but I’m still thinking of them and thinking hard Bc sometimes she becomes kabus inspiration Pinterest board and I don’t like that. When she shines she really shines but it starts getting sloppy towards the end so I have to think a lil longer about it. Okay I’m done. Also it’s kinda hard for me to look like I’m agreeing to ur points and nodding in this format but I really appreciate ur thoughts and will try to convey this. Maybe by formatting as a response to each of ur replies next time

[gayregis]

blood and wine rewrite au basic layout

i already posted something like this before but i cant find the post so im just rewriting all of this from the top of my head

everyone’s repurposed roles:

geralt - he’s still a witcher. he’s geralt of rivia. obviously. i don’t have time or interest to think about how to rewrite the entire witcher 3 game to be lore-friendly, but i assume there would be less triss and more dandelion involved in it. for this let’s just take him as geralt having done everything in tw3 but with the personality of geralt from the books because geralt from the games doesn’t have much of a strong personality good for writing or thinking about.

regis - a bitch. nah jk. he’s same regis but just what he was like 100 years ago when he got his head cut off. he’s less spiralling-into-doom than he was then, and is less desperate and hopeless overall, but is slowly getting there once again. he doesn’t remember anything about learning from his mistakes and becoming a good person, because this regis didn’t get any of that. to this regis, it’s like no time has passed at all since he died, and he’s ready to start partying again without any thought of the consequences. he’s moved to toussaint because everyone’s already tipsy there and the north is plagued by war so it’s not a really great source to be drinking from (like if there was a sewage leak near the vineyard you sourced your wine from). he doesn’t remember anything about maturing up or about becoming a surgeon or about the hansa, so that sucks.

dettlaff - not a fucking maniac. actually a character geralt will likely spend a good amount of time talking to. total character overhaul because he does not have a personality in the actual DLC. he arrived in toussaint because he had heard that regis had returned and wanted to fix things wih him, he had previously left him.

syanna - not a fucking dumbass, yet still naive in her own way due to being blinded with the promise of power. in this, she is planning to stage a coup on the duchy (because she is the older sister, so it IS her right by law) and she supports regis’ slow dive again into uncontrollable insanity because it helps her prop up rumors that her sister’s reign is ineffective against real threats and is cursed. but this alliance does not go as she planned...

orianna -  in this, she is the owner of a gladiatorial school (instead of an orphanage), and is still like in canon a wealthy and influential individual of beauclair, yet reclusive from human society. she is regis’ best friend and goads him on, because she never fixed her own issues with alcoholism and now is elated to have him back and forgetting that they had disagreements which drove them apart in the first place. they’re best friends (NO romance) and it’s just good to see how insanely different orianna and geralt are because they’ve both been regis’ close friends at different points in time.

the purpose of this:

fix regis’ relationships with the vampires. he slowly drove all of his good friends away by going off the deep end and many are likely wondering whatever happened to him. but books regis would never consider partying like that again, so we bring the party regis back and then slowly de-escalate him into normal books regis again, and we finally get closure with him and his old friends.

cool dramatic stereotypical vampire shit. i’m talking about a final battle or conversation in a giant dark castle with large open windows and billowing drapery.

regis’s hairstyle

give syanna actual agency as a character and give her motivations that extend beyond pure revenge (although they are related to revenge) and make her more unique so she is not just a ripoff of renfri. 

demonstrate anna henrietta and geralt’s relationship as it was in the books. he was genuinely intimidated by her and i interpret him as being jealous of her relationship with dandelion, so he in practice was quite withdrawn around her as she was her overemotional and embellished self

give dettlaff an actual character, holy shit. i hate how sorely underdeveloped he is in the game. i understand why because it’s not meant to be writing, it’s meant to be a video game, but come on. i hate having the vampire with the cool character design be the ultimate villain of the whole narrative. in this, he’s someone geralt can talk to and sees himself in. he’s emotionally mature and doesn’t mix with the other vampires. since we already know what regis is like, we don’t have to sit through dettlaff making excuses for him and trying to describe what his character is like. we also get a better view of regis’ past through dettlaff’s lense. 

give orianna an actual character, holy shit. i hate how they didn’t even try with her and just used her as a “surprise, she is quite evil!” gimmick. have her actually have a larder for blood that is lore-friendly yet still jumps out at the audience as morally wrong.  give her more personality and development.

examine regis’ backstory without actually getting into every single year of those 4 centuries. we can examine how it started good, turned bad, went worse... there’s a lot of loss involved and i think this would be nice to process it.

roughly what happens (under cut because if i ever do write this fic out, this is spoilers, literally the synopsis of the whole thing):

anna henrietta sends envoys to geralt. they establish that the duchess has no conflict with geralt and that her conflict was with dandelion, only. she has requested his help because he effectively dealt with many monsters while he was in beauclair and established a trustworthy reputation (also, he’s famous, and toussaintoirs are superficial). instead of the beast of beauclair killing particular victims, it’s the countryside which has been plagued by vicious attacks of the devil knows what.

geralt arrives and examines the scenes of the attacks. the sincere majority of the victims are alive, so he speaks to them. they remember nothing, but woke up with their village fucking absolutely trashed and with vomit everywhere. they all have wounds on their necks. geralt thinks he knows what’s up, but is reluctant to deal with it because of his memories of regis, who he misses

damien de la tour is assigned to geralt as a sort of backup. they argue and geralt manages to get him to stay put in beauclair while he rides to a village they believe will be attacked next. it’s not even a full moon so the vampires don’t even come out in their bat form (disappointing) but instead just mesmerize their way in in humanoid form. dettlaff sneaks up on geralt who is (ahem) staking out the situation, and is like hey dont kill regis hes not evil hes just misguided!! and geralt is like REGIS? EMIEL REGIS? THTS WHO’S LEADING THEM? i ..... i know him.... and dettlaff’s like what the fuck how... then they get caught and regis is like oh hey dettlaff who’s this guy and geralt feels very left out :( and also sad bc regis doesnt remember shit and geralt even lists the hansa members by name and regis is still like O_O ok yeah im just going to hypnotize you to get lost ok goodbye! but dettlaff prevents him from doing this and they both get thrown out of the party.

after the party geralt is a mess and is like wtf so hes back and what... how... huh... and dettlaff doesnt know how he returned or why he returned either but they compare geralt’s knowledge of how regis died with dettlaff’s knowledge of how regeneration works and they figure out that regis just regenerated from his past body and that’s why he doesn’t have any of his memories from when he turned good.

then they eavesdrop a little more and find out that syanna has been talking to regis and making deals with him (its... not really like she thinks, regis really hasnt been doing anything he doesnt want to. shes just like “hey can you attack this village here” and regis is like yeah i was gonna host a party there tomorrow night ...) so they are like who the fuck is this woman and track her down to her base of operations, and then they find out that THEY got followed by damien de la tour, who identifies her as sylvia anna. geralt is a little miffed on behalf of dandelion that damien seems to be so close to anna henrietta but i digress.

geralt reports his findings to the duchess but does NOT mention regis because the duchess knows who regis is. then we get the same vampire talk from canon b&w where the duchess and damien are sorely misinformed on every single thing ever.

geralt is defeated and has no idea on how to fix this and hes looking hard into a mirror by candlelight and then decides to go to bed so he turns around and regis is right behind him like hey. cue ‘holy shit what the fuck’ moment and freaking out. regis explains himself and says that he doesnt remember him but the fact that he gave so many specifics weirded him out and he kind of wants to know more out of curiosity. also he wants to talk to dettlaff but feels too bad about how he argued with him like 3 centuries ago that he cant just ask him directly.

so they talk and geralt is all :(( and regis is like ok well. i kinda want to get these memories back because they sound pretty significant and also im pretty miserable. but also im not going to stop partying bc its the only thing that makes me feel alive rn. so long!

geralt and dettlaff talk to orianna and she dislikes them both but still talks to them and then regis materializes and also begins bothering them and its quite civil but this scene just serves to demonstrate how annoying they are as friends lol

there’s scenes where you can either save damien / syanna from being unalived by the vampires’ / regis’ hand, only if you let syanna die will the duchess be mad and accuse you of being heartless like dandelion is and then geralt and the duchess actually get into an argument bc of that comment but geralt ofc loses bc hes scared of her lol

no matter what you get regis his memories back but your decisions to either continue helping him or not is what makes him change or not. even after he gets his memories back (or because he gets his memories back?) he decides to raze beauclair bc hes just so fucking miserable and geralt has to talk him down, if you are harsh and not understanding and shame him etc then he doesnt change, if you condemn his actions but still offer your support then he does.

if you offer your support > geralt talks about the hansa like For Ever and regis then adds in everything and yay regis is back to normal. theres like a wholesome montage of geralt being like “just TRY to sew up a wound i promise you you will be good at it” and regis does and hes splendid at it. regis and dettlaff finally make up and are bros once again. we help orianna with her issues and she realizes stuff but is still going to have a drink once in a while. if syanna is alive she doesnt hate on any of this but just decides to make up with the duchess and then become captain of the guard (damien gets fired for being a dumbass).

if you do not offer your support > regis goes to cry in a delapidated creepy old castle and you have an epic fight (geralt is backed up by dettlaff) and he turns into a bat and geralt almost dies, they manage to decapitate regis again and put him in the ground and set a timer for 50 years

if you redeem regis then there’s an ending scene where the duchess is like “oh regis i didnt know you were in town” and hes just like <:) ahaha... yeah...

cue crying about milva/cahir/angouleme For Ever. maybe link this with the fic where geralt and regis bring them all back as ghosts/real ppl and then they have to deal with those consequences

[rorysfm]

hllo demons n nerds ! i’m sage, coming 2 u live frm the est gutters! i am... v excited to be here but i am literally the worst at intros so i’m jus gonna diiiiive right into rory below ! 

(ISABELLA JONES, CISFEMALE) - Have you seen AURORA LEBLANC? RORY is in HER SOPHOMORE year. The DANCE AND SOCIOLOGY MAJOR is 19 years old & is a LIBRA. People say SHE is LIVELY, MAGNETIC, IMPULSIVE and UNRELIABLE. Rumors say they’re a member of CALLOWAY. I heard from the gossip blog that HER PARENTS ARE COVERING UP THAT SHE WAS KICKED OUT OF YALE FOR PLAGIARISM AND NO OTHER IVY WOULD ACCEPT HER, SO THEY BOUGHT HER WAY INTO YATES

ok,  so.. rory is a brand new muse of mine so.. pls bare w me while i sort her out. if u want to skip the mess below & just vibe check her.. here’s her pinterest!

BACKGROUND

born and raised in greenwood, south carolina to oliver and lauren leblanc. her parents were high school sweethearts who were voted most likely to get married and have a dozen kids running around

they stopped at 2 because they jus... their kids were a handful but rory will tell you they stopped after her bc they hit perfection :~) 

her mom’s family teetered between lower-middle class, her mom entering a bunch of pageants to bring in some extra cash for them. 

her dad’s side on the other hand, is where all the connections are baby!!

the leblancs come from a long long line of being wrapped up in the political world. governors, members of the state senate, mayors, advisers... you name it - a leblanc has had that position. 

her dad’s goals were no different than the rest of his family’s ... some would say even bigger bc he wants to do what no other leblanc was able to do, which is... run for president. (yes hello.. rory as the future first daughter?)

growing up her parents were honestly... not the best. like above all else they put oliver’s career above their kids and it wasn’t not being there for an important recital, or a parent-teacher night; it was being there for all the wrong reasons.

 every little thing they did was calculating to make the leblancs look like the perfect family. hugs and words of encouragement loud enough to filter through the room aimed at their darling children only for them to turn cold and criticise every single thing they did wrong as soon as they got into the car. it was pretty clear that oliver and lauren were a team, and their kids were just props. 

when rory was 12, lauren started making monthly appointments at the hair salon to dye rory’s hair blonde... she had a standing appointment every tenth of the month to have her roots touched up

rory’s mom jus rly... pushed rory on her looks and enrolled her in pageants, debutante balls, anything that showed off rory’s looks... lauren pushed her towards it.

rory and her brother declan stayed in their hometown for school until college bc their parents thought it made them look like more of wholesome family so instead of sending them off to boarding schools in london or new york, they opted for private schools in south carolina

both of them were of course pushed into going to well renowned schools, their grandfather had pushed them into going to yates since he, himself had been part of calloway and they were practically legacies and while declan followed thru with it... rory watched the cinderella story one too many times and like hilary duff..... sis went to princeton for political science!!!

only it ended up in flames bc tbh she was like a bull in a china shop, the freedom of not having her parents around to judge every single thing she did? or pushing her into doing things she hated? she od’d on FREEDOM. rory rly just did her own thing, kinda spiralled out of control.. never hard drugs but lots of drinking and partying.

she ended up getting put on probation and was flunking nearly every course. the pressure really got to her (like she knew her parents would get involved if you got kicked out or if she failed all her courses) so she ended up plagiarising an essay ... but gueSS what!! she was caught and her parents got involved anyways.

her parents ended up being able to keep things ... quiet by paying off the teacher that had caught her. the dean also agreed to stay mum about it (after accepting a hefty cheque), so nothing ever went of her record, nothing would ever be documented of this mishap.

but... it’s likely people still talk and while rumors can’t be proven, it still stopped rory from getting into yale, harvard and columbia when she tried

finally with her grandfather’s pull and the promise to build yates a new library with the next 5 years... rory was accepted just as declan had graduated. 

PRESENT

pulled up to yates in her vintage baby blue mercedes benz convertible from the 60′s

she’s brand new to yates, and switched out of political science.

out of all the activities and hobbies that her parents tried to push her into, dance was the only one she actually enjoyed doing and fell in love with 

her parents let her major in it, as long as she did a double major.. so sis took sociology because why not?

spent her summer dancing with the new york ballet company in their production of a midsummer’s night dream. 

honestly.. loved it but also was lowkey bummed out she missed out on a proper summer

right before declan had graduated, rory had come up for a campus tour and ended up partying at yates for a weekend

probably got herself into a bit of trouble, and probably made a nice little impression on a few people!

PERSONALITY

honestly.. chaotic good. she’s always been a little more on the wilder side than declan.. a little more carefree and daring and just always needed to be told to behave

in fact has a tattoo that says BEHAVE  on her forearm, that she got one night back in princeton. 

that said, she’s very good at playing her part in the family

dubbed as the golden girl... bc she is just that kind of girl that has a magnetic pull to her, a smile that could combat the sun and just naturally very charming and genuinely nice?? very good a convincing you without being manipulative about it

does only angel by harry styles play when she walks in the room? possibly.

the kind of girl that you spend weeks thinking about after one (1) conversation

still gets her hair dyed blonde the 10th of every month, bc her mother has convinced her she is just not meant to be a brunette :/ 

honestly.. she’s insecure abt a lot of things because of her mom  :/

has really great posture and etiquette from all those pageant days. also really good at making cranes out of dinner napkins from being bored at functions her parents forced her to go to

would probably throw hands if she caught someone talking badly abt her brother bc she’s protective of him

very much a hopeless romantic, gets heart eyes very easily and likes to chase until it isn’t fun anymore and falls in love with multiple people a day. 

tragically likes country music :/

promised her brother she wld.. try to be good and stay out of trouble but i reckon.... she won’t plagiarize an essay ever again but everything else? the partying? fair game.

CONNECTIONS

tbh i will take anything yall will give me... i am @ ur service serving rory on a silver platter to u

i’m also big on chemistry so we can just see where things go as well since rory is new to yates this could be fun!!

a few people she met while she was visiting last year.. someone she clicked with and they stayed in touch, maybe someone she flirted with but doesn’t remember then (even tho she’ll pretend she does!), someone she hooked up with perhaps? someone she spent all night talking to? 

a brother’s friend she’s met a couple times? 

good influence/bad influence

family friends

family rivals

cousins could be fun

a roommate

a tutor?

tinder matches? hook ups, flirtationship .. anything angsty!!

friends!! pleathe i will take them all.. a girl squad would also be quite fun!

ok.. that’s all tht my lil brain can come up with.. im sorry this is so long and such a mess but hmu if you’d like to plot!!