#bc it could be someone breaking in with the intent to assault you

[to-be-frank-i-dont-care]

When you make sure to always pay attention when people are talking to you, and you listen very carefully and react to what they’re saying, and then when you are talking to them you cut yourself off to see if they’re paying attention and they don’t even notice because they weren’t listening to you in the first place, is that an infp thing or

[papercutsmp3]

bro is inquisitive

[spikeinthepunch]

if you thought that was the last post i would write today about Lisa, you are a fool. i wrote that last one at 2am so i have energy for another one, bc i had *more* thoughts even after that

TW for sexual abuse/rape/assault (i am going into more detail so please take that TW seriously)

Do victims talk? & how all the men mean something.

This is stupid long, sorry lol. i threw two topics into one.

okay so i had these thoughts on my mind prior and again i havent played Joyful (a few minutes of the start only)-- but with just the context of Painful this still sits on my mind.

Do victims talk? I want to answer this for myself.

Lisa (the character) was sexually abused and The First was pretty much an inner look at her mind. This reflects through most of Painful whenever it comes up, even if they aren't straightforward about it. That was the main thing, was not being clear when i played Painful, I didn't know what I was getting into. but with enough information it wasn't hard to side with Brad whether it was because of the abuse or the suicide-- and the fact that Buddy had been kidnapped in a world of men, who needed her in order to bring the world back. From the start, I felt like I knew what was coming in that regard...

But Buddy's important to the world was clear.... Obviously important. But Buddy is a child and so when Brad has a realization/assumption over what will happen the player can side with him. When i played i was immediately like, oh god, oh jesus. Of course I wanted Brad to save her... what I saw in their life of Brad keeping her inside didn't seem wrong, not exactly.

But there was a change of mindset towards the end of the game. Thats where that good intent falters. And you look back and question things... you kind of realize why Buddy acted how she did, and how she has been able to defend herself.

But the biggest notice to me is the lack of Buddy talking about anything the men implied they did to her. When you explore you hear them say vulgar things, then you get the to the Hairspray guys (whatever theyre called) and you hear what they're saying about having her in a back room for men to take turns on her and thats the first "oh god" moment. You of course find a man in her place, but still implied that she was in fact here and escaped. So, the implication still remains... You haven't seen Buddy at this point so you dont know what she'd say.

But when you do-- that is when she brings up Sticky. And yet again, the implications make it sound like Sticky raped her to 'teach' her about sex. But buddy seems to describe it vaguely after Brad gets mad about it. To continue this furthers and more quickly-- other instances of abuse/violence/assault on Buddy that are show or mentioned are Buzzo cutting off her nipple (shown), the mutilation of her face (shown), and at the start of Joyful the comment that one of Rando's 'friends' tried to touch/assault/rape her when she was tied up (off screen). That last one, Buddy again brushes off and doesnt say much.

So what do i say this all for. Well, the question is "how much of this actually happened to buddy?" We saw some on screen violence. But rape, assault, molestation? She doesnt say it exactly... but I think any survivors or those familiar would know full well that that doesnt mean it didnt happen. I think its completely wrong to assume nothing could have happened. lets break down the things that occurred from Buddy's end/how she acts, and some other details

Brad has already closed her off and isolated her. she doesnt know like, anything. she probably doesnt understand at all what sex would be and what would be bad (much like many csa victiums!)-- especially if Sticky did it, someone she trusts.

She shuts down when she starts to tells Brad, not exactly because she doesnt want to tell him- rather because he starts to get mad. Buddy knows that is a scary reaction from the past and probably ties that all into the anger Brad had towards her wanting to learn and explore (something she felt Sticky did)

overall, Buddy wants to use this opportunity to explore and see and learn and most of all, not be with Brad. she doesnt want to talk to him or share with him anything because she knows what hes like.

and ultimately... victims often dont tell people. maybe they dont know how. maybe they dont realize its abuse (again, common for children who dont know a lot). and for buddy too, she doesnt trust the one person who wants to make sure she is safe from all of it.

to go on the statements Buddy and others make regarding these events- i think it would be odd for all of those men to be lying. especially sudden moments like the start of Joyful (especially when the guys said they killed the other for what he tried to do). The Sticky instance was stated by Buddy in a vague way herself which is reliable. there was enough shown violence, attraction, and ability to contain her for moments that it just doesnt seem right to think theyd be lying too, like the Hair guys.

In the end you have two important things to think about: Buddy does not trust Brad anymore. She won't tell him anything. And the men like bragging. They loved talking about her. With the evidence we had about when she had been capture her, this doesnt look like lying from them- they were proud to have potentially having her for good.

In this story the men mean a LOT. they imply so much. and after the secret boss fight? I realized they mean so much more.

How all the men mean something.

The secret fight with Marty showed how deeply ingrain he is in Brad's mind. I expressed a LOT more about that in this post from last night. But the main thing to gather for this topic is how a lot of that mindset is defended by Marty as "this is how men should be".

Masculinity. Power. Control. Dominance. He expected the same from Brad and failing to do so meant he was weak, unworthy, pathetic, unmanly... While Brad escaped and desperately didn't want to be like him, he did what Marty did to Dusty and he abused drugs, etc. For Brad, he cannot shake the guilt that he will be the abuser his father was.

What does this have to do with the world of Olathe being full of men? Oh it has so much to do with the story. The implications... Olathe is full of men. They have formed groups who fight each other and are quite horribly violent at times. Masculinity is undeniably at its peak, and directs much of their culture....

You see how masculinity plays a huge role? No not every man alive here is horrible and abusive. But the point is that masculinity drives them, and more often than not its an "excuse" to living the way they do. Be tough, hold your ground, don't let anyone make you weaker than them. If you're weak and you can't stand up, you will face consequences for it. Toughen up.

The sense of power and dominance these men have in this world became WAY more obvious when Buddy comes up. They are scrambling to find her and their dynamics become incredibly violent and push these aspects of masculinity to the worst of it. Marty's mindset is the worst of the twisted idea of how to assert authority, and how to treat someone weaker than you. You can do as you want. You can beat them or rape them. The culture that Olathe created for these men made them fall into this warped mindset much like the one Marty promoted. These guys knew Buddy was a weak little child. They wanted to use her and do as they pleased. They could they could because they were bigger, powerful, etc.

Their words and wishes are basically as disgusting as the things Marty would say. I think thats enough to solidify that connection.

Lisa has an incredibly interesting narrative on how a Victim is viewed from the outside. How abuse effects further abuse- the distrust of child to guardian in telling them when something bad has happened and the inability to save them due to it. And from the inside, how masculinity through trauma can warp your mind. How the influence of a man towards man, feeds into a cycle of abuse and the world where that masculine culture is ingrained in everyone no matter how deeply they act on it.

cycles. "you cant escape". everything things about it seems utterly hopeless but the game still pushes you towards something-- it makes you want to crawl towards the light that Brad struggles to reach. but this was never an easy process. your action created consequences you never wanted to happen in the first place. your intentions were selfish- you didnt learn, you didnt understand how actually fix this. it was a desperate attempt.

but by god you want to change it so bad. isnt that something? internally you gotta keep holding on to it. jesus christ, dont let go, or itll be all for nothing. you are not fated to be your abuser. you are not fated to never escape. you have to remember that. you must face all of this but you have to fucking rip apart the guilt and the anger and the sadness to get there first. maybe this wasnt the way to do it. but please dont give up, okay? thats what its all about.

[mermaidsirennikita]

so i finally read devil in winter, thank you so much for that btw, i had a GREAT time, finished it in one afternoon, bless you truly <3 now i understand evie and sebastian appear in other novels? could you tell me which ones to read bc i swear i loved those two and also any other novels i might like if i enjoyed that one? THANK YOU

Yessss I’m so glad enjoyed it!!!! I saved this as a draft and I'm not sure if you're going to see this if I don't make it public (I'm sorry!) so posting now. If you haven’t read the other Wallflowers books, Evie is in all the other ones as a supporting character. Sebastian is the villain of book 2, obvi, lol. He also cameos in book 4 where he’s kinda on thin ice with everyone but Evie is preggers so they’re stuck with him.

They have their own cute scenes in A Wallflower Christmas, where they have pregnant Christmas sex.

Otherwise, I think Sebastian cameos in Mine Till Midnight…. Then in the Ravenels he and Evie show up a lot because three of the books are about the offspring.

Devil in Spring—their son Gabriel is the hero, it’s real cute; the prologue is them role playing while Sebastian tries to break it to Evie that their oldest son totally compromised a girl lol

Devil’s Daughter—their eldest, Phoebe, is the heroine; it’s very popular and she’s a widowed single mom who falls for a former scoundrel, but tbh this one does nothing for me

Devil in Disguise—very controversial but super connected to their family, especially Sebastian. Not sure if you've been spoiled there, so I won't say more :)

For book that might hit similar places, I'd recommend...

When the Duke Was Wicked by Lorraine Heath. An all time favorite of mine, and I think it has a great rake hero (also, the heroine is a sweet redhead!) The basic setup of the book is that the hero and heroine were raised as family friends, their parents were tight, but he's nine years older. He had no idea, but she had this intense girlish infatuation with him and was crushed when he married young... and he was super devoted as a husband, but then his wife and young daughter died and he radically changed and became this super slutty rake. The impetus of the novel is that the heroine, Grace, asks the hero, Lovingdon, to help her find a good husband and he ends up corrupting her--which is maybe what she wanted, lol. He's so slutty, but he also adore Grace and can't fucking accept it because he's having such a hard time with accepting that he could love someone else... maybe even more than he loved his wife.

TW: past medical crises are discussed at length; lmk if you need more info.

You could also check out Surrender to the Devil by Lorraine Heath--another bad boy duke aristo hero and a lovely redheaded heroine, lol. This one is about the parents of the heroine of the book I just recommended. She grew up on the streets and is just this really sweet woman, he's this rakish caustic duke (who has a lot of inner pain, naturally). He decides to make her his mistress, but ends up falling head over heels.

TW: heroine was sexually assaulted as a child and is very traumatized; the hero is really gentle with her once he realizes she has sexual hangups. There's also a lot of discussion of the abuse of a side female character.

Any Duchess Will Do by Tessa Dare. This is another "we saw this hero be a slutty douche in a previous book, now he's back and falling in love". Tessa's books are funny and sexy but also emotional. The duke in this book was introduced in "A Week to be Wicked" (also a great book) as a tool, and he won't settle down, so his mom is like please choose a bride... and he's like you know what I'll choose this fucking barmaid. His mom takes him up on it and decides to My Fair Lady the barmaid, who he has no actual intention of marrying... until he falls for her lol.

How to Steal A Scoundrel's Heart by Vivienne Lorret. This one works really well, imo. The hero is a marquess who propositions the heroine to be his mistress, and at first she turns him down... but then she gives because she has nowhere else to turn. He's super cool with his love affairs, and gives her this contract that last four months, no more and no less. It's this super romantic, lovely romance and I so recommend it.

The Serpent Prince by Elizabeth Hoyt. A great "flashy rake x shy virgin" book. The heroine finds the hero left for dead on the side of the road, and she nurses him back to health.... And whoops, the rake falls hard! It's also fully insane, because Hoyt.

The Devil of Downtown by Joanna Shupe. A Gilded Age villainous rake/sweet virgin book. The hero is a rake and a gangster, and he ends up falling for the do gooder activist daughter of an influential man in town--and it's kind of a "who's corrupting who" thing.

[echowilds]

I'd love to get 1, 6, 14, and 20 for your co-commanders✨️

@mystery-salad

1. At what point during the story do they meet up?

answered here!

6. Did they chase after Caithe together or was one/were some on the airship with Trahearne during the start of HoT?

imani is on the airships with trahearne to lead the assault and laerus mainly does the chasing, while taal originally stays back for logistics (having refused to meet the pale tree). he joins laerus after the pact ships go down, although mainly to track down DE and imani, still intent on avoiding caithe and trahearne as much as possible. him and caithe still get some quality 'ex-siblings arguing' time with laerus having to babysit mediate, while imani gets taken prisoner alongside traho.

14. How close are they? What do they think of each other?

they all definitely start out on a more 'professional' basis, someone who shares the same goals and ambitions. over the course of their trauma the story they grow very close - taal and laerus both especially were very lonely before, and their positions as Commanders means that they all develop a unique bond with each other that no one else can ever truly match. but they aren't really co-dependent, and all have deep meaningful relationships with other people.

everything else is under the cut bc Wall Of Text strikes again

laerus: he's the oldest of them and he feels responsible for the other two and their well-being as the assigned Dad-Friend. sometimes he can get a little overbearing with his care but he knows that they're capable and trusts their abilities. he'll still give them minions to tag along on harder missions, and nag them about properly taking care of themselves.

imani: especially in the beginning she admired laerus a lot and wanted his approval, which she still obviously wants but now it's on a basis of a strong friendship. she'll always go to him for advice on personal matters. her and taal have a more quiet understanding. they prefer actions to words with the other, and when they talk about personal matters they're very direct - but they both appreciate it.

taal: he has a hard time trusting people and definitely took the longest to warm up to the others but once he did they were his. he doesn't really do familial relationships anymore (or tries not to) but imani is kind of like a sister to him, and laerus is one of his 'rocks' in life. he even took both of them to meet the soundless community that is his home (and family) :]

20. Would they pick their co-commander/s over anyone else? Over Tyria's safety?

not over tyria's safety. they're all painfully aware that sacrifices have to be made - that sometimes you just can't save everyone, no matter how hard you try. and, most importantly, none of them would want the others to jeopardize the entire world just for them. that being said, imani and taal definitely will choose their co-commanders over other people's lives if necessary. it's a tactical descision - all three of them are extremely valuable assets and excel in their fields in ways few others ever could, by virtue of their unique knowledge, experiences and the trust they earned by both powerful political players and the masses. obviously they don't enjoy it or particularly want to, but they understand the need for it. laerus isn't often in the position where he has to make those descisions and he'd rather work himself to death than condemn others to that fate. i wouldn't say that HoT broke him (can't break what's already in pieces) but it was the push for him to stop being as involved in the military part of being commander as he had been until then. he obviously can't avoid it entirely but having to order others to walk into certain death just isn't a burden he can bear anymore.

[deripmaver]

I respect your interpretation of the wagon scene and I agree irl it would absolutely be SA, but I don’t think that’s the narrative intention there. Casca seems upset because she’s torn and unable to leave Griffith, as she had already been weird and standoffish about him to Guts. Also, another reason I don’t think it was meant to parallel the eclipse is that Miura hadn’t even decided yet what was going to happen to Casca by that point.

re: the eclipse, i don't know enough about the timeline of when he was drawing it to say for sure, but... i mean, this is pretty much the last thing that happens before it. it's chapter 71 in the manga. i guess if someone could jump in with an interview or sth to confirm? that being said, though, he could easily have been working backwards, ie when he was drawing the eclipse he went back looking for moments to parallel. i doubt miura intended this from the start but the way griffith grabs casca during the eclipse is the same as the page from the kama sutra book he shows guts lol

imo casca is upset because of the whole situation they're in. it's clear she's been putting on a brave face while silently breaking down about it the whole time bc she needs to be the big sister and keep the band together. what happens in the wagon, what griffith DOES, is the final straw for her and she can't keep her feelings in anymore. i really think that moment is the catalyst for her breakdown, and i think it's... kind of hard to argue anything else.

so what is it that griffith does? i guess that's what im arguing in my initial meta. i think, bc of the way their bodies are drawn, bc of how the previous sex scene with griffith is drawn + eclipse, and bc of how casca's expressions are drawn after the wagon scene as compared to her previous almost-SA and then later post-SA, the visual indications pretty clearly point to the wagon scene being an attempted assault.

you don't have to agree, and you're entitled to your interpretation, but i'm kinda not interested in debating this LOL. i've seen most of the arguments that say it's not SA by this point already, and i can't say ive been particularly impressed by any of them.

[onlyswan]

adrenaline rush | jjk

→ pairing: jungkook x f!reader

→ genre: fluff, established relationship

→ warnings: emotional trauma / manipulation / abuse, gaslighting, alcohol abuse / dependence, depression, anxiety, nightmare, mention of physical assault bc jk is angry . pls lmk if i missed anything

→ word count: 3.2k

↳ gold rush | love rush | sugar rush | adrenaline rush | zest rush

summary: you don’t need to pretend, and jungkook’s face looks bewitching beneath the sun.

note: i tried to proofread but it’s difficult IM SO SORRY breaks down . i’m honestly more on writing poetry and prose but i’m having fun with this thank u to everyone being so sweet :]

~*~

endless epiphanies have been occuring on jungkook’s mind ever since you opened up about your past relationship and the aftermath of it. he found himself crying like a goddamn child. because you weren’t crying. you weren’t crying at all. you just nervously smiled at him during pauses you made to allow him to process your words. for fuck’s sake, you were picking off lint from his sweatpants. you tried your very best to be composed and help him understand all the things you’ve been longing share. and he thought you must’ve been exhausted all this time, picking up the broken shards of yourself all while trying to protect your progress.

“he was far above me in every sense. he made sure to make me feel that way. we were in a relationship, but somehow, he still felt untouchable. my life revolved around agonizing over how i can better myself to be worthy of him. it was all about him. he was so good at the start, you know? until he could only be bothered to show an effort when he needed something, and i gave and i gave without hesitation. i altered anything he didn’t like. because i thought i was the problem. that all of me would never be enough. i was so naive and stupid.”

jungkook is livid upon hearing about how you were treated. he can’t bear to imagine you at such a toxic situation where someone is finding amusement in watching you destroy yourself for them. you sincerely believed that you would never be enough. it absolutely makes him see red. he wants to beat the shit out of who made you feel this way. his eyebrows were furrowed, mouth in a seething light lipped frown. you took his trembling hands in yours in attempt to soothe him.

the sorrowful and begging look on your eyes encouraged him to gather himself. this isn’t about him. you’re unlocking chapters of your life filled with trauma, pain, and regrets because you trust him to know you entirely as a person. and so, he listened intently, with an open mind and heart. it’s the least i can do. to let you know that i’m here, and i’m here to stay.

“i became distant from my friends. they never liked him. i should’ve listened.” you smiled bitterly. “that’s what we all say in the end, don’t we? so stupid.” you shook your head. “at some point, i woke up and realized i was miserable. i couldn’t recognize myself anymore. i lost sight of what truly matters to me, and who i truly mattered to. i wanted an out. but he cried and he begged. and then i thought, maybe he finally loved me. maybe he’d finally take the initiative. so i took him back. again, so fucking stupid.”

“i thought we were fine, but it became worse. he fucked with my head. he wanted to make me look like the bad guy. to be able to say that he was the one who ended it. he’s smart. i’ll give him that.” you sneered. resentment comes rushing back to your veins. you remember his mocking smirk and condescending tone all too well. how you visibly shrink underneath his gaze. you mistook the racing of your heart as love instead of anxiety and fear. you start to become nauseous. you surrendered to him all the power to run your life to the ground, and it will remain as the biggest mistake of your life.

“he broke up with me. that day, i didn’t feel like a person. he accused me of so many things, said such big words that made me feel so small. i was so humiliated and angry, mostly at myself. what if he was right? no, why did i let this happen to me? and then i left, but i didn’t come home.”

it was jungkook’s turn to hold your trembling figure. “baby, you’re shaking.” he sniffled, caging your face in his big hands. he stroked your cheeks with his thumbs and kissed your forehead lovingly. oh, jungkook. you didn’t even notice you were shaking. you mostly felt numb as you recalled the past events. “shhh, it’s okay. we can stop here, and you tell me the rest when you’re ready. i know this is difficult for you, my love.” he ran his hands up and down your arms to help soothe you. he grabbed the blanket from the armrest and wrapped it around you, then carried you over to his lap to embrace your still trembling body.

as you settle into his warmth, you only then perceived that you were overwhelmed with the information you poured out. you have never said these words out loud, they only wander aimlessly around your brain and you get stuck inside. now that they’re out in the open, it once again registered that what you’ve gone through was really fucking dreadful and you wonder how you still ended up here, in the safety of jungkook’s arms. his hushed whispers of comfort and sincere confessions of love gradually lulls you into ease as you nuzzle your face on his neck.

jungkook’s fingers brushed through your hair, gently rocking your body back and forth. “none of it was your fault. you did nothing wrong, okay? you deserved none of that.” you looked up to him and felt your chest tighten upon seeing the dampness under his eyes. “i’m so sorry. that piece of shit didn’t deserve your kindness. i’d give you the world if i could.”

“i have you here right now, i already got the world.” you smiled, pinching his soft cheek. pretty. “i’m fine. i promise. i love you so much. do you know that?”

he attempted to look away but you kept your hand firm. he released a shaky breath before meeting your eyes. “of course, i do. i love you, too. i love you so much.” and you wish you could keep this moment forever in your heart. just incase he changes his mind.

“i didn’t come home. i bought alcohol and went over to my best friend’s house. i was heartbroken. i got wasted and she thought it would just be a one- or two-time thing. but no, i was stubborn.” your hand gripped at his clothing as your voice cracked. “it was so bad. i left home with my uniform on but i skipped school and spent all my allowance on drinking. i got into a lot of trouble outside. there were some times i thought i wouldn’t be able to come home in one piece. i don’t know how i’m even still here. my grades were tanking. that caused a lot of rumors at school because i was an overachiever. i got pissed, so i drank some more. and then one day my parents found me passed out on our doorstep. they were furious. they threatened not to pay for my college, and then they wanted to disown me because apparently i brought shame to their household.”

you grew more anxious and self conscious under jungkook’s gaze. there it was. it’s easier to get angry at your parents, but deep down, you know they were right. you weren’t using your brain. seeing you become such a mess probably satisfied that heinous person more. was it worth it? the harsh bitter liquid burning your throat, the way the world spinned and became an unrecognizable blur as you drowned yourself in another bottle; how you laughed and cried and laughed some more. the scar on your knee from tripping on uneven pavements as you drag your weary vessel all the way home. the walk of shame on the hallway and the hangover from yesterday you persevered through your classes. that day you got suspended for being caught with alcohol in your backpack after promising your parents you’d stop, and the white walls of the hospital closing in as the withdrawal symptoms took a toll on you. the sympathetic smiles of the nurses made you feel more disgusted with yourself.

jungkook broke the defeaning silence as you willed yourself not to fall apart. i’m alright. i’m stronger than this. it’s okay. “but you’re here right now,” he said softly. “you’re okay, right? i mean . . . there’s nothing wrong? with like - you’re better now. you’re healthy?” he shot his questions frantically, concerned eyes darting around your body.

you blinked at him in confusion. “do you think i’m sick? i’m not dying, kook. my liver is fine, thankfully.” his mouth gaped open and shut like a fish, before releasing a relieved sigh. oh my god.

“oh, t-that’s good. for a second i thought-”

“baby . . .” you took his face in your hands and wiped the tears that escaped him with the blanket. “i got better before i got past the point of saving. it was difficult, and i thought i’d never get past it. but i did. i’m here right now,” you smiled at him as a good memory washes over you. “do you know what helped me? books. i picked up a book, and then i was just reading through it all.” really, that’s when the obsession started. you stopped running, and got transported into different worlds and dimensions. instead of ridding of the memories, you override them with entertaining stories and useful knowledge.

jungkook smiled back at you, his rosey nose scrunching adorably. of course. her life do literally depends on them.

“i’m so proud of you. and i hope you are, too. you’re so kind, and brave, and strong.” for the first time, someone who knew about it looked at you with no sympathy or judgement. his eyes twinkled of admiration. as if you just did a heroic act and carried an entire airplane; as if you were his favorite person in the planet.

“i hope you’re no longer placing any blame on yourself. you deserve to be happy and celebrated. and i’ll always be here for you no matter what happens. healing is not linear. you’re not expected to be okay all the time. you don’t need to pretend with the people who love you.” he gently took your hand and kissed it, making butterflies erupt in your stomach. “thank you for the trust you placed in me. i love you. i treasure you.”

the universe was truly on my side that night.

~*~

you jolt awake, your feet kicking away the blanket. your heart is thumping against your chest and you’re shivering uncontrollably. you wrap your arms around yourself to seek for comfort, but to no avail, they don’t cease.

jungkook groans, caressing his cheek that you accidentally hit as he was mostly laying on top of you, his face buried in the expanse of your neck. he swiftly becomes alert at the sight trembling figure in the dark. he turns on the nightlight and gives his full attention to you.

“baby? another bad dream?”

“it was horrible. i was so scared.” even your voice wavers, and you curse your brain for giving you a nightmare for the third time this week. why can’t i just dream of rainbows and unicorns?

he pulls you into his arms, peppering your face with kisses. “shhh, you’re safe now. nothing will hurt you here.” you close your eyes at his calming voice, but open them again when you saw flashes of the dream. “do you want to talk about it?”

you shook your head. “just hold me?”

“of course, baby,”

“thank you,” you whisper. on another thought. “can i also have a kiss?” he chuckles at your request. he presses his lips against yours, lingering for a few seconds before placing another kiss on the corner of your mouth. the sweetest. you hum in satisfaction. “thank you. that was nice.”

“just nice?” he pouts.

“amazing? show stopping? took my breath away?” you tilt your head, acting as if you’re thinking deeply.

“that’s more like it.” he flashes you his pretty smile. “are you going back to sleep?” he rakes his fingers on your hair, carefully fixing the tangles.

you glance at the clock sitting on the nightstand. “i don’t want to anymore. i feel better now, though. go back to sleep.” you climb off him so he can lay back down but he doesn’t move a muscle.

“do you want to go and watch the sunrise?”

well, that does sound tempting but… “babe, you have work in a few hours.” you remind him, patting the space beside you.

“so? that’s fine. i don’t have much to do anyway.” he crawls out of the bed excitedly and takes your hand. “come on, babyyy,” he drags out a whine. well, i guess i don’t have a choice now.

holding hands with jungkook, you find a good spot to watch the sunset. you’re not surprised to see some people at the park already. damn, are they committed to jogging.

he halts in front of a tree. “this is a nice spot. me and my friends have been here before.” he explains as he lays out a picnic blanket. you sit comfortably to take in the place you are at. you hear the birds chirping and the leaves rustling; the cold morning breeze sweeps past you, gently blowing against your hair. you pull at the sleeves of your thick sweater to cover your freezing hands, rubbing them against one another. it’s one of those moments that feels so nice and tranqil, you could cry out of joy.

jungkook grabs your hands in his and blows warm air on them, keeping them close to his chest to casually rub. “you should’ve added another layer. you know how it gets cold in the morning.” he scolds you.

“but this sweater is really cute.” you argue. “i will risk having freezing hands for fashion.”

“no one is even around here to judge your fashion sense!”

“yes, there are. what do you call those people sitting on the bench?” you gesture to your right where the benches are located.

“they’re not even looking at you.”

“shall i strut in front of them then?”

jungkook laughs with eyes closed. a smile forms on your face at the sight. god, there is really no way someone can be so beautiful. and it seems i make him laugh a lot. maybe my job here is done.

“i won’t stop you if you want to do it.” he answers lightheartedly. you pinch his rosy cheek to indulge in your irresistible urge. he swats your arm away, covering his cheek with his hand. “stop abusing my cheeks!”

“well, stop being adorable if you don’t want your cheeks pinched.”

he fakes a gasp. “that’s fucking outrageous. i was born this way.”

“should i blame your parents instead?”

“you know what? they are to be blamed.”

“jungkook, shut up and look at the sky.”

he follows where your gaze is trained. his eyes widen as he marvels at the sunrise. the skies is painted in different shades of purple, with strokes of the orange sun. he’s not much of a morning person, so he rarely witnesses the sunrise. he thinks he might’ve been greatly missing out because, “what the fuck,”

“right?” you respond absentmindedly, completely enchanted by the view in front of you. it doesn’t look real. it looks too majestic to be real. you are once again captured in the fact that the planet holds endless wonders a person could never fully explore in one lifetime. you begin to wonder if you got to travel the world in your past life. and if parallel universes are real, how cool would it be one of other yous is watching the sunset right now?

“stay right here,” jungkook suddenly says before standing up and dashing into the distance.

“what?” your question dissolves into thin air as he turns smaller and smaller in your sight. what the fuck did that man run so fast for? whatever. you take your phone from your pocket and capture pictures. you don’t want to forget this day. you sighed dreamily. am i really awake right now?

“where the fuck did you get that?” you exclaim, puzzled at your boyfriend setting up a painting canvas. beside him are his art materials, neatly organized and well taken care of.

“from my car,” he replies as if the answer is so obvious. he reaches for something from his back and hands you a book. “may i paint you? you can read so you don’t get bored.”

you look at him in disbelief, tightly clutching one of the books he gave you. “when did i ever say no to being your muse?” his face evidently brightens at your words.

“my muse . . . thank you! just be natural. pretend i’m not here.”

he quickly gets into work, examining the colors of the sky as he mixes paint on the palette. you follow his every move, completely in awe of him. his artistic talents never fails to amaze you.

love blooms in your chest as you casually glance up to him from your book. the glow of the sky reflects on his face, and you decide he’s still the most beautiful thing you will ever get the chance to witness. you also sneakily took a picture of him for your ever growing boyfriend folder. he gets so absorbed once he touches his art materials. he’s incredibly passionate and hardworking. he has faith in his abilities, but he has never stopped seeking new ways to improve and grow. he’s inspiring, and he also motivates you to be better.

he smiles at you when your eyes meet, and it just sparks something in you. a lump grows in your throat, your eyes start watering, and soon enough the tears spill down your cheeks. soft sobs escape your mouth as you hastily wipe them away with your sweater paws, but you just can’t stop now that the dam has been released.

“you’re finally crying,” jungkook says softly. he feels so relieved that he might cry too. you find him kneeling in front you, pulling your hands away from your face. “it’s okay, darling. just let it all out. it’s not good to hold back tears.” you feel safe to fall apart in his arms and so, at last, you give in to the cathartic release. and you think, the sun graced the sky this morning to witness your long overdue mourning. grief for lost time, energy, money, and the parts of yourself forever gone.

jungkook is there the entire time, being his ever so caring self. you don’t know how long it took for your sobs to subside into tiny hiccups. you take the tissue he offered to blow your nose, looking away from him in embarrassment. he chuckles, “how do you feel?”

“i feel good. actually, i feel amazing.”

did i just really need a good cry all this time?

“thank you, baby.”

“for what?”

“for bringing me here. for everything.” your chin quivers again. he wipes your tears with his thumbs this time, before leaning down for a passionate kiss. you’re lost in the way his soft lips moved against yours, his tongue never missing a chance to tease you. he playfully bites your bottom lip and then leans his forehead against yours. “i love you.”

“i love you too,” you back away and open your abandoned book, biting your bottom lip as the kiss you just shared lingers. “now go back there and finish your painting. don’t you hate unfinished works?”

his doe eyes widen, scampering back to his forgotten canvas. he pulls down his sleeves and dips his paintbrush on the palette. “where the hell did i stop?”

---

note: yn got attracted to toxicity. after being freed from the relationship she resorted to another form of it because she became well versed in self destruction. then she discovered a healthier form of escapism thru reading books :] also being w jk is making her realize that while love is unconditional, it doesn’t necessarily have to painful in order to be real. haha no i’m not projecting ??? gn

[maschotch]

Bro your brain when it comes to emily!! I remember thinking to myself how different emily seemed after everything that happened with foyet, even just in the aftermath of 5x01. She’s the one that finds hotch, she’s the one that sees her unbendable boss, a man who never breaks, in a hospital bed, hanging onto his life. She’s the one that asks him what actually happened, and I think to an extent, she knows he’s lying when he says he doesn’t remember much. They’re much more similar then most people give them credit for, they’re both fantastic at compartmentalizing their trauma, about being able to lie easily that they’re ok.

I think she sees herself in hotch here, and if he breaks, so can she.

Because if he is fallible, so is she.

So that’s why her vibe seems off in season five, as you said, she takes on his rage. I always thought it was an interesting choice for her to be so angry at the unsub in 5x10. Not only did it drag her away from Haley’s funeral, an intimate, mourning event for hotch, but it also connected back to foyet. This man violated people, ruined and ended lives because he could.

Broke what should be infallible.

(Also yet again an interesting parallel between foyet and s*xual assault)

This whole arc changes emily, whether it was actually intentional or not. Everything she thought she knew, everything she became comfortable with, was gone. This image she had of hotch was destroyed by a sick man like foyet, by all the sick guys out there who take away all that is good in the world......

my brain is completely void of anything but correct criminal minds takes akdhskhd

i think she does see a lot of herself in hotch. they’ve been like that from the start—part of why they butted heads so often in the beginning. but i think her anger and defensiveness doesnt come from worrying ab herself and her own weaknesses: i think she feels it so strongly because she knows hotch wont

bc ur so right. they really are similar. they prioritize the job over any emotional rawness, and they’re experts at compartmentalizing because of it. they’ll push down whatever’s bothering them to focus on the task. bc its not a skill they’ve picked up recently: they’ve been doing this since they were kids. hotch learning to smile in spite of the beatings, emily gritting her teeth and maintaining the perfect image of a diplomats daughter (she eventually gave up caring about the facade and enjoyed pissing off her mom, but she still knows how to keep quiet, how to manipulate)

the problem is that when you bury your emotions that deep, you eventually start to hide them from yourself. their experiences and perceptiveness makes jt easy to identify when others are struggling, but its hard to see that within themselves. for their chosen career its effective, but its unhealthy. and no one knows that better than them. which is why i think they understand each other so well: they recognize that sometimes they just dont want to talk about it bc they cant talk about it.

(they apply their abilities in different ways to varying degrees of success, but that just goes to show how their individual experiences alters the application of their empathy. emily is good at discerning what someone needs: if they need to talk, if they need a distraction, if they need company, or if they just need to be left alone. hotch, on the other hand, takes the standoffish approach with everyone, regardless of circumstances. he’s very aware of the mental/emotional state of the team, but its rare that he’ll intervene. which makes sense considering their histories. emily’s specialty is manipulation, requiring observation and interaction. hotch doesnt necessarily have that ability. he’s a little too self deprecating to realize he can actually help; he just thinks he’ll make it worse)

ANYWAY all this to say emily is very aware of hotch’s emotional state and his habitual resistance to processing what he’s gone through. bc she does the same thing. so her protectiveness manifests a different way than morgan and the others, who focus on external threats. emily knows that the internal conflicts can scar him more than any knife if he lets it.

she knows the limitations of their attempts to help. she knows hotch wont let himself connect with his emotions so directly as well as she knows herself. and it makes her angry. she gets more upset about his suffering than she would be for own. probably more than anyone else’s, honestly, if only because she knows hes not gonna do anything about it. without even realizing it she absorbs all his passion and rage and sorrow and channels it in ways she hasnt expressed in a long time. she’s always done well maintaining an air of control, no matter what the situation. more so than hotch tbh. which is why its seemingly so out of character for something like this to affect her this much.

its not like her anger will help him grieve or process anything or move on. thats something he has to do for herself. but its almost like.. catharsis by proxy. neither of them have outlets for their emotions anymore bc they’ve trained themselves out of any kind of outward expression of emotion (emily more than hotch but still). so seeing emily losing it a bit, the way he wants to, makes it easier to connect to his own feelings. she’s feeling it for him, and the visual reference is a reminder that its ok to struggle. its ok to have a hard time. its ok to not be perfect.

[jackie5656]

We Promise

With;Newt

A/N: Heyyy. Are we shocked I have another way-too-old for me obsession with yet another fictional character? No. Are we shocked he’s a blonde? Absolutely. Anyways, I’m having a maze runner marathon after not having watched it for years and well, here we are.

Warnings: Probably cursing bc it’s me. Nothing else really.

The chatter amongst the other gladers in the cafeteria is a bit overwhelming, still not being fully accustomed to the new atmosphere. It’s still hard to believe there’s a new world to become accustomed to anyway, seeing as all you’ve ever known was the green fields surrounded by cold concrete. Beside you, Newt raises his brows to silently question if you’re okay, not having to speak to you to know your mind is buzzing  uncontrollably. You give him a small smile when he squeezes your hand  underneath the table, the two of you giving your full attention back to the pair in front of you. Mihno and Thomas sit down beside Newt as they continue on about their own experience. 

“There was this big loud explosion, and these guys came out of nowhere. Started shooting up the place.”

“It was intense.” His buddy adds beside him as you all continue to focus on their story intently. The calloused hand holding yours runs it’s thumb across your knuckles. Newt’s had a habit of always having to have somewhat of a hold on you, and with all that’s going on your’re thankful for his comforting touch. 

“They pulled us out the maze and brought us here.”

“And what about the rest? The other people you were with in the maze...What happened to them?” You add abruptly, curious as why only two of the boys from the same maze sit before you. 

“I don’t know. I guess...WCKD still has ‘em.” He shrugs solemnly as he speaks and your stomach drops at the thought of the other boys you left behind in the glade. You blink hard to push away the image of little chuck laying lifeless on the chilling grounds of the facility...Alone and stiff amongst the broken glass.

“How long you guys been here?” Newt follows up, taking his hand from yours to cross his arms on the table. No doubt unsettled by the information like the rest of you.

“Not long, just a day or two. That kid over there, he’s been here the longest. Almost a week.” You turn your attention to the scrawny, hooded boy across the cafeteria curiously.

“His maze was nothing but girls.”

“Really?”

“Some guys have all the luck.”

“Tell me about it.” You murmur without thinking, chuckling softly when the group laughs. Winston attempts to chuck a fry at you before Newt catches it. Tossing it accurately at his head as you smile cheekily, shrugging when Frypan teasingly nudges your shoulder. It feels good to have the mood lighten up a bit considering the past couple days. Still, an instinctive type of uncertainty lingers in the air around you. 

“Good evening gentlemen, ladies.” Janson’s accented announcement ceases the ongoing conversations around you. Taking your attention away from the unsettling feeling for just a few moments

            ***************************************************************************

The heavy door of the quaint dorm groans as it’s opened, Frypan leading the group into the room. Bunk beds align the walls in rows, and you watch amusedly as the boys argue over top bunks. 

“I could get used to this.” Winston pronounces, shuffling deeper into the mattress as he speaks.

“Yeah, not bad.” Newt comments, surveying the room contentedly.

“Alright, I’ll escort you to the girl’s dorm.” The broad-chested guard declares as he attempts to lead you out of the room. You back away from his advance as you shake your head in protest. Mihno’s the first to jump down from his bunk beside you, and you don’t hesitate to latch onto his forearm as the man tries to grab your shoulder.

“Whoa, whoa wait a minute. Why is she not staying with us?” Newt protests in a panic, hurriedly making his way to step between you and the guard. The rest of the boys have crowded around too, various shouts of defiance make the burly man increasingly aggravated as he reaches for you again.

“Can’t I stay with them? We’re from the same maze!” You exclaim incredulously, face contorting in pain when Newt pulls the man away from his harsh grip on your wrist, opting to place his own there instead. 

“Boys and girls are not permitted to dorm together, now let’s go!” His booming voice has the rest of you even more riled up instantly, Frypan and Thomas attempting to push the bastard out of the doorway in a chorus of shouts. 

“What’s going on? Break it up!” Janson and a couple of other guards rush over to separate the fight. The rest of you settling down when he spreads his arms out to create more space between all of you. 

“Everyone just calm down, now what seems to be the issue here?”

“You can’t separate us! She stays here.” Newt is the first to say anything, breathing heavy from the altercation as Janson looks to you with narrowed eyes. 

“Girls have a separate dorm just down that corridor, I’m sure you’ll be just fi-”

“That’s bullshit! She was one of the first to be placed in the maze and now you’re gonna separate us?” Mihno exclaims passionately beside you.

“I promise I won’t be any trouble. Please, just don’t take me away from them.”

“We promise we won’t be any trouble.” Newt corrects, shooting a pointed look to Thomas who nods knowingly in agreement. 

Janson studies each of you before sighing. Scratching the side of his head whilst giving a curt nod. “Alright, fine. But I don’t want to hear of another incident from this group or you go to your assigned dorm. Understood?” He’s shaking his head as all of you nod eagerly, quite obviously reluctant to comply with the request.

“Are you two together?” He motions to you and Newt, taking into account the death grip the boy has on your arm as you continue nodding. 

“Yes, but-”

“No sharing bunks. And get to bed, now.” He finishes sternly, one of his men slamming the door shut before you can reply. 

A conjoined breath of relief comes from all of you, and you let out a small gasp when newt tackles you into an embrace.

“Are you alright?” He mutters worriedly into your hair, kissing the side of your head when you nod. 

“Y/n, your arm. Minho announces softly, concern lacing his tone as Newt pulls away from you. Hands lifting your arm to inspect it. Your eyes widen when you're met with redness, skin already beginning to bruise from the assault to it. 

“Bloody hell, did I do that?” Newt inquires, softly rubbing the abused skin with a deep frown. 

“No, no it was mostly him. Your death grip didn’t help either though.” You add teasingly, laugh faltering when his frown deepens as he caresses the skin. “Hey, I’m kidding. Thank you, all of you guys.I’m surprised you didn’t let him take me.” You offer a grateful expression to the rest of the boys as they being to settle in their beds. 

“Oh, I considered it.” Frypan a counters playfully. Grinning when you stick your tongue out to him. 

Newt sighs in front of you, still studying your arm as the rest of the boys fall into a different conversation so you can talk to him without an audience. 

“Hey, I said I’m fine. You could never hurt me.” You place your hand on his cheek, placing a peck on the corner of his mouth to reassure him. Heart lighting up when the action brings a bashful smirk to his lips. The taller boy takes hold of your hand to kiss your palm, the action sending tingles down your arm as if it’s the first time he’s done it. 

“Slinthead better get what’s coming to him.”

“He will, now let’s get to bed.” 

                       ***********************************************************

You let out an exasperated sigh as you stare up at the ceiling above. Jealous of the rest of the guys who sleep soundly around you. Newt, having totally followed the ground rules Janson gave the both of you, snores softly on top of you. You run your fingers through the blonde strands atop his head to pass time, careful not to move too much in your restless state. 

“Y/n, are you awake?” Thomas whispers softly from the bunk beneath you as you nod, realizing he can’t actually see you. 

“Yeah. Can’t sleep either huh? There’s a shuffling sound before you see his head pop up from his new position on the bunk’s ladder. 

“I can’t stop thinking.” 

“About Teresa? Didn’t they say she was getting some more tests? You inquire quietly, wary of waking Newt or the others. 

“Do you really believe that?”

“Well, what else would they be doing.” Thomas doesn’t respond right away, eyes dancing around the room before looking back to you.

“You’re not the least bit unsettled by this place?” 

“Of course I am. It all seems a bit...Too good to be true.” 

“Exactly, but I don’t think he others would understand.” 

“Maybe. But Thomas, this is the most Newt has ever slept in years. Usually, he’d be pacing the room debating on what supplies to ask for next and taking inventory. Or Minho would be mapping the maze over and over in his head, Frypan thinking about a meal that won’t make us wish we had more than the limitations of the glade. This isn’t home Thomas, not at all. But we’re sleeping in warm beds, with a good meal in our stomachs. It’s been a while” You chuckle sadly at the end of your rant, studying the brunette as he nods thoughtfully. Eyebrows raising in question when his lips curl into a small smirk. 

“I guess you’ve never seen Newt drool before. Must be fully out of it for once.” Thomas motions his head to said boy, the two of you laughing softly as you observe him. 

“Exactly. As much as this place feels a bit off, it’s great to see him finally relax. He’s always carried so much weight on his shoulders Thomas.” You note sadly.

“I know, I wonder if-” He’s interrupted when a distant rattling sounds throughout the room.

“What the hell?” You sit up on your forearms when a soft creaking sound following the rattling comes from below. Thomas and you exchange a worried glance before someone calls out. 

“Psst. Hey, down here” You’re not sure if you’ve imagined the voice as the whispers stop as soon as they’re spoken. Thomas jumps down from the ladder, confirming he’s heard it too.

“C’mon follow me.” There’s rumbling again, as if someone has tunrd around in the lower vents and begun crawling away. 

“Thomas, who the shuck was that?” Your heart is racing, but the look in Thomas’ eyes when he pops back into view slightly reassures you. 

“It’s that kid from the cafeteria, he says he wants to show me something.”

“What kid?”

“The one from the all girls maze.”

“You’re not gonna go, right?”

“Y/n, you agreed something was off about this place. He’s been here the longest, he’s gotta know something we don’t.” 

“Alright, fine. I’ll cover for you. Be careful.” 

“Thanks, I’ll be right back.” Thomas disappears from view once more, and you run your hand over your face as the sounds of them going through the vents fades. Hopefully, the two of you are just paranoid. Realistically though, with all you guys have been through, whatever Thomas finds will confirm your suspicions. Letting out a deep breath, you close your eyes. Hoping to get some rest before he returns.

[the-scarecrxw]

I wanna be held accountable for my writing so I'm going to put down a list of my wips and I want y'all to vote which ones I should work on finishing. (updated aug. 2022, now with new fics AND sorted by age rating)

Gotham, Titans, and General DC, including OCs. all below the cut bc it's stupid long

GOTHAM

ONESHOTS

• You Make Me Want To Scream (14+) - Legion of Horribles Era Scarejokes. They get caught by GCPD for dumb reasons (graffiti...) and while in lockup awaiting transfer to Arkham Jonathan has a panic attack (reason currently undecided, mostly bc he doesn't have his mask/hood, but I wanna add more spice to it.) and to help him calm down Jerome takes off his shirt and puts it over his head to help him calm down. that's it that's the fic. JK the rest of the LoH break them out and life continues.

• Antidote Sequel (16+) - A sequel to my fic Antidote. Just causal soft retired from crime scarejokes. fluff and hurt comfort, figuring out relationships, making out, heavy petting, but no sex bc consent is important and Jon isn't ready.

• Mr Mayor, sir (18+) - a rare nygmobblepot fic! au where Isabella never existed and Ed and Oz get together. heavy dom/sub vibes, Dom Oz of course. Low-key sugar daddy Oz. Don't have much of an outline for this, so it'll be a while.

• Dark Desires (18+ dead dove) - s4 pre Jeremiah reveal, Jerome kidnaps Bruce with the intention to torture him while broadcasting it live on television, but gets the wicked idea to fuck him instead. dub con with Bruce hesitantly coming to love it by the end. Lots of knife and gun kink.

• Fresh Meat (18+ dead dove) - trans Jonathan! takes place when he first arrives in Arkham late s1. some dubcon/sexual coercion with Jerome and Greenwood teaming up to fuck him in a threesome. I actually have part of an outline written HERE

UNKNOWN LENGTH

• The Sketchbook - (?? likely 16+) - Scarejokes. Legion of Horribles era. Jerome snoops in Jonathan's notebook/sketchbook/journal and discovers Jonathan might have feelings for him and doesn't know how to feel about that. If i leave it as a one shot it could finalize with some fluffy feeling confessions. But I'm an angst lord who loves hurt/comfort (with lots of initial hurt) and for a multi chap idea maybe Jervis has some very strong feelings for Jonathan and tries to make a move on him, and Jerome saves him. Jon leaves the LoH bc he doesn't feel comfortable anymore around Jervis but they need him for Plans (Jon leaves behind his research, which Fries could finish from there) Jerome tracks down Jonathan bc he feels guilty and there's a lovely slowburn of them sort of leaning on each other and building each other up and healing as well as they can with their traumas. oh no I've turned this into another retire from crime AU FUCK I love this trope.

• Chemical Spill (18+ leaning dead dove) - S4 Legion of Horribles era, Jonathan makes a mistake and in a lab accident is mentally deaged/looses his memory to before his father finished his experiments with his fear "cure." I don't have much in the means of plot but I can see it becoming multi chap, possibly smut drabbles of the LoH taking advantage of his accident.

MULTI CHAP

• Caught (16+) - s5 au where Jeremiah just never goes crazy and the J Squad has been reigning terror on Gotham for a few months, until Jerome and Jonathan get caught. Jonathan gets caught in the scuffle and almost dies. it's got lots of angst and hurt/comfort. semi complete outline HERE

• Longs Nights (?? likely 16+ bc of mentions and references to sex, past assault, things like that. Ive also not decided on the Graphic-ness of a certain Important chapter, but that could be 18+ in a way.) - I have dreamt of this fic so much. Mid season 5-ish, when Lee has returned and is caring for Barbara's pregnancy. First chapter has Jonathan randomly showing up in Lee's office at the clinic being very vague about things until Lee manages to wiggle out that someone is pregnant and needs help, in which Jonathan admits it's him. (trans Jon C: ) Lee asks about terminating but he's several months along already and admits he's begrudgingly grown attached. idk I just really want to write a pregnancy fic. that's just plot for the first chapter, I got so much planned, including Jon not knowing who the dad is. mention of past Scarejokes, some side hattercrow (Jervis thinks he's the dad) with later batcrow (Bruce was at lees clinic trying to find some way to help him sleep when Jon shows up in early labor, and he ends up helping Lee deliver, and sticks by Jon's side and defends him when Jim and others are like "he's dangerous take the baby away from him!" They develop feelings for each other, bonded by Jon's very harrowing and high risk labor.

• ESCFF chapter 4 (18+ dead dove) - Jervis finally lays his claim and takes Jonathan's virginity, with surprising gentleness because Jon is still shaken from his assault last chapter. I'm debating between it being a soft quiet event in Jon's cell, or Jervis being a possessive ass and claiming him in the rec room for everyone to see so they know Jon is his.

• Arkham Haze (18+ dead dove) - another trans Jon pregnancy fic but this one is FUCKED up. he's in arkham. I have a whole outline written Here.

oc fics (this is for YOU witchy <3

• The Crow (16+) multichap - A Crow origin/intro fic set in the pov of Edward in Arkham. s3 AU. Edward is moved to a high security wing, where he finds himself with an exceptionally strange neighbor. One of Hugo Strange's monsters. They have wings. They're young. And sad. And covered in scars. Edward can't help but feel for them. technically it's planned to be only nygmobblepot later on, but idk could have future Ed/Crow

• testing, testing (18+) one shot - Subject CA-13, or Crow for short, is being tested. it's not rare it's given tests, but this one is different. they want to test if it can have children? that's odd. hey... it doesnt want to be touched like that. stop it. stop it!

• a helping hand (18+) one shot - set after Ed (and later Crow) are released from Arkham. Mayor Cobblepot time period. Ed likes to ask random questions, and one day asks if Crow can have children. Crow recounts their experience in the past (testing, testing) and how they can't. one thing leads to another and Ed gives Crow a very soft and sensual handjob. planning on having implied trans Ed bc :)

TITANS

• Feed the Monster Inside (16+ likely) OS with ability for MC - I so desperately wish I remembered my plans for this. Mid season 3 AU, Jason escapes Jonathan. Cut off from the fear cure cold turkey, he's hit with horrible guilt and the weight of his recent traumas has reached rock bottom. Dick hesitantly bring him back home to the rest of the Titans so he can heal. This is all I remember :(

• Untitled (16+) short MC or long OS - A hanahaki fic, post S2. Jason has feelings for Gar, one of the few people at Titans tower who actually cared about him. Jason doesn't want to confess his feelings yet refuses to get the hanahaki removed. When he's on his death bed Bruce finally breaks his stoic silence he's had about it (he knew and kept it secret) and told Dick and the Titans Jason was dying and should come visit asap before it's too late. Bruce and Lee are convinced even if Jason's feeling become requited its still too late, there's been too much damage done to his lungs. Titans show up, lots of crying and begging for Jason to confess but he refuses to. One night when Gar is watching over him he quietly mumbles a soft "please, please don't die. I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you, please." And quite suddenly Jason is coughing like crazy. Blood, full flowers and leaves. Gar is convinced Jason is literally in the act of dying until in a show of absolutely horror Jason sticks his hand in his mouth and withdraws a blood covered stalk of Aster, roots and all. His love was requited. And he lives! after a long time in a hospital recovering. his lungs are very weak so he cannot fight crime anymore my boy has asthma and lungs that will collapse at the drop of a hat. him and gar are bfs :)

• Later is Better Than Never: (18+) OS - JayGar. Post S3. The night before the Titans leave back for San Fran a very drunk Jason breaks into Gar's room via the window and convinces him to have sex with him before he has to leave.

• Sensations (18+) OS - my rarepairs strike again with Hank/Jay. post s2 au where Jason never left the Titans. Blindfold training trope and impact play. Jason gets whiney bc Hank keeps hitting him with a baton in the same spots from different angles he can't predict and Hank teases him and says "Oh do I have to teach you how to take a hit too?" And makes him stand blindfolded while he just starts with poking and prodding him in sensitive places before upping the strength of his hits with intermittent teasing touches. Jason of course gets aroused by it.

• Sleeping Beauty (18+ dead dove) OS - S3. Jason wakes up after being revived in the Lazarus pit to Jonathan fucking him. that's it that's the fic. got borderline necro vibes bc of Jason was "alive" after the revival but hadn't regain consciousness yet.

• Just another SladeJayDick Fic (18+ dead dove) - S2 Fuck or Die. Slade previously raped Jason during his capture, and when Dick came to give himself up to Slade, Slade forced Dick to also fuck Jason or he would kill him, though he promised to let them both go afterwards. Fic is all sorts of fucked with Dick trying to comfort Jason during the fact. Slade hates that and decides to step in to makes things worse. Ends with them both very disheveled leaving the building, where the rest of the Titans catch up with them.

CROSSOVER/MISC FICS

Gotham/Titans -- New World, New Rules (15+) MC - Post 3.14 of Gotham, Bruce somehow ends up in the Titans universe. Late S3 of Titans. Bruce wakes up in Crime Alley and Jason finds him. Jason doesn't wanna bring Bruce back to his base bc he rlly doesn't want Jonathan getting his hands on him, so he begrudgingly takes him to Wayne Manor. There's lots of confusion on how Bruce got here. Idk much on plot. Fluff and angst probably. Jason rejoining the Titans, getting rid of Jonathan. Bruce eventually has to go home somehow.

• Vague Comics Verse/Titans -- Universal Constant (16+) MC - On a very regular patrol, CV Nightwing finds a TV Jason Todd who accidentally dimension travelled to the CV due to a minor startup villain the batfam had dealt with that involved attempting to open dimension portals. Lingering affects drew TV Jason there. Here are some Tags I have for it. Dimension Travel, Comics Jay takes one look at Titans Jay and goes "is anyone gonna adopt this kid" and doesn't wait for an answer, Awkward Relationships, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Bruce Wayne's A+ Parenting (Titans), Bruce Wayne Is A Good Dad (Comics), Jason Todd is Red Hood, Dick Grayson is Nightwing, Mentions of Manipulation and Drug Abuse (Titans), Past Character Death (Jason), Bonding over Hatred of the Joker, "gee little Jay, how come your Bruce killed the Joker?", the batfam is chaotic. It has CV JayDick but not in TV.

• Vague Comics Verse -- Ivy's Pollen (18+) OS - JayDick. Kinda what it says on the tin. Starts with them making their way home after a fight with Poison Ivy, seemingly lucky because Ivy used a pollen they were immunized to. Plot twist they were NOT it was just slow acting. They collapse into a horny mess in an alley and have sex. bottom Jason :). Bit of implied unrequited love on Jason's part as well.

• Universe is Dubious -- Indulgence (18+) OS - Jason/OMC. Jason's age is also dubious besides he's too young to drink. He gets drunk in a skeezy bar because he's been having some vaguely defined struggles lately. Cute guy flirts with him, Jason flirts back. They decide to hook up in cute guys car. It's Jason's first time with a dude but he still wants it super rough. Any sort of distraction is good. Begging, hair pulling, crying. All those good.

[dearest-bucky]

One kiss is all it takes (One Shot)

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Requested by @softcobain - Where reader who’s Bucky’s best friend ask him to teach her how to kiss bc she really wants to impress a guy she’s going on a date with? But Bucky is totally in love with her, at first he doesn’t want to but then he agrees.

Words: 3.8K

Warnings: angst, fluff, one first detailed kissing scene lol

A/n: Because tumblr is apparently dumb I can’t tag the sweetheart that requested this, but @softcobain I really hope you like this love! 💕 Guys I got goosebumps while writing this, I hope y’all like it too.

Feedback is greatly appreciated! xx

The door of her small apartment made a small squeaky noise as she pushed it open. She wasn’t all that surprised to find it open, her key once again useless. The only noises in the otherwise quiet apartment were coming from the TV that was left on, some detergent commercial playing in one random channel. She turned on the small lamp next to the couch that she usually used to read at night, and smiled as the figure that was sleeping on her small and uncomfortable couch was illuminated by the soft light.

She crouched down next to him and softly touched his hair, making him stir in his sleep. “Hey sleepyhead, what are you still doing here?”

He opened one eye and when he was met with her face, a small smile crept onto his lips. “Hey, you’re back. Thought I’d wait up for you but apparently I failed at that too.”

She chuckled at his words and patted his cheek lightly. “Don’t worry about it. I’m here now.”

Bucky offered her a shy smile and got up in a sitting position, making space for her to sit on the couch too. “So, how was it?” He asked after she sat next to him.

She remained silent for a moment, as if she was thinking hard about the answer, but there was a smile plastered on her lips and a dreamy look on her eyes that kind of told Bucky everything he wanted to know. The answer, despite it not being said, was shown, written in her every feature. She finally turned her head on the side to face him, and then replied. “It was great. He asked me out again on Friday.” Her smile never faltered, but as she looked at Bucky’s reaction her eyes narrowed a little in curiosity.

He nodded at her words and fixed his stare down, unable to look her in the eye anymore. He cleared his throat once and then without even looking at her again, got up from the couch. “That’s great, if you’re happy then I’m happy too. It’s better if I go back to my apartment now. Good night Y/n.” He didn’t even spare her another glance and left her apartment in a hurry, not even allowing her the time to wish him good night too. He slammed the door closed behind himself harder than he intended to and that made him wince, but he wasn’t about to go back and apologize  for that.

With short but quick steps he arrived at his door on the other side of the hall and when he entered his apartment, without even realizing, he slammed his door shut too. He knew he had no right to be mad at her for going out on a date with somebody else, but he simply couldn’t talk his broken heart down. He’d been head over heels with Y/n for years and now having to see her date someone that wasn’t him, it was damn painful.

How could he even begin to explain what he felt for Y/n? Truth is he didn’t even remember how it all started.

After the Avengers defeated Thanos and Steve went to the past to get his second chance in life, Bucky chose to not stay with the rest of the Avengers at the new Avengers’ compound. Instead, with the help of Sam he bought a small apartment in Brooklyn where he’d been living for the last four years.

Y/n moved in her apartment on the other side of the hall only a couple of months after Bucky. When she was moving her furniture in, Sam, just like the perfect wing man he is, managed to introduce Bucky and Y/n, claiming they’d be neighbors so they needed to know each other if one of them ever ran out of sugar or flour. Bucky had scowled at Sam in annoyance but Y/n had only giggled at the new Captain America’s words and shook Bucky’s hand. “He’s right.” She had told him. “You’ll never know when one could need the help of a superhero.”

He had blushed then, at her words, and a smile had replaced the previous scowl.

That day they had both helped her move in, carrying the heavy boxes and the furniture. After everything had been put inside her new apartment, Sam and Bucky excused themselves and wished her a good night, seeing it was dark outside already. She had thanked them both for their help and when they were on the hall, she called out to Bucky. “Don’t be a stranger.”

He had smiled at her and nodded his head.

Ever since that day they’d spend many more days together, hanging out at each other’s apartments, but mostly at Y/n’s because she, as Bucky put it, had the better couch, despite the fact that it was smaller than his, but he enjoyed sitting close to her and watching movies and eating chinese takeout  almost every night. Eventually those nights became an every night occurrence, and without even realizing, Y/n and Bucky had become best friends, helping each other with everything, relying to each other, taking care of each other whenever one was sick, mostly Y/n. She even managed to help him calm down after a nightmare when he had knocked on her door at 3 am sweating and crying in pain.

In the last four years they had become almost family to each other.

Despite her very friendly nature, Y/n was actually very shy when it came to romantic relations. So whatever feeling Bucky started developing for his neighbor/best friend, he buried deep inside his heart, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. Because he knew there was no way someone as perfect as her would even like back someone like him.

Now he had to stand by and watch someone else take her out on dates and make her happy, when that could’ve been him.

With a heavy heart Bucky laid down on his bed and closed his eyes, a long sigh escaping his parted lips.

Bucky didn’t see Y/n the entire upcoming week. She was busy with her work and he spent most of the days at the compound, training for the next mission.

Days had been passing slowly and he missed her so much every passing  minute, especially on the evenings when they’d be almost cuddled up next to each other on her couch and binge watching whatever Netflix series was on his “to-watch-list”. He wanted to knock on her door but he couldn’t find it in himself to do so. After all she had started seeing someone now so he didn’t know if she still wanted him to go over.

It was almost 6 pm on a Saturday when he heard the hesitant knocks on the wood of his door and he moved lazily through his apartment to answer it. He was surprised to find Y/n on the other side of it.

She was wearing a nice dress, perfect for the warm weather of May evening and even more perfect for her. She looked absolutely breathtaking, but the almost panicked expression written all over her face made him break out of his stupor sooner than he would’ve wanted.

“Hey, Y/n. What’s up?” He spoke a little awkwardly, not knowing how to act around her anymore. It seemed as if it had been an eternity since the last time he saw her. Usually when she came over, she never knocked and she would always greet Bucky with a hug or a kiss on the cheek, but that seemed like a long time ago, and somewhat an inappropriate thing to do now.

She greeted him with a small smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes and asked him if she could come in.

“Uhmm, yeah yeah, sure.” He said, a little confused, but moved on the side to let her inside his apartment and closed the door again.

He saw her move towards the living room, but she never sat down, standing awkwardly in the middle of the small space between the couch and his coffee table.

“Is everything alright Y/n?” He asked then, unable to bare the silence anymore.

She picked her head up and looked at him, a look Bucky couldn’t quite understand. “I need your help.” She finally spoke. Her voice was unsure, even a little shy when she spoke, but he heard her loud and clear.

“Sure, doll. What can I do for you?” Always the hero. Always trying to help. Always helping.

She remained silent for a moment, as if wanting to organize her thoughts well and then she finally started speaking again. “So you know I’ve been talking to this guy for the past month..” she began and Bucky noticed how she was picking up at the skin of her fingernails, a tick of nervousness he knew she had. He moved closer to her and placed his hands on hers, stopping her assault on the fragile skin that had started to bleed a little already.

“What about him? Is everything okay? Is he bothering you? Do I need to kick his ass?” His mind was running a million miles per minute, thinking of the worst case scenarios, but she only shook her head lightly in response.

“Everything is okay with him. He’s great. It’s just…” She hesitated a little before she continued again. “Last night we went out and at the end of the date he walked me home and when he was saying goodnight he leaned in and wanted to kiss me and I turned away so he ended up kissing me on the cheek.” She explained, blushing a little and Bucky was listening to her every word intently.

“Tonight we’re going out again, to the movies this time and this is the third date and I’m thinking we should kiss, right? But I don’t know.” She concluded and let go of his hands that were holding hers, moving to the couch and finally sitting.

Bucky followed her lead and sat too. “You don’t know what?” He asked. If she were unsure about this guy she shouldn’t feel obligated to kiss him. She didn’t owe him anything. She should know that.

But Y/n surprised him with the next words she spoke. “I don’t know how to kiss.” She said and a crimson red painted her cheeks after the words had left her mouth.

Bucky could only stare at her, a little shocked at the confession and that only made her feel more embarrassed than before. “Forget it, this was a stupid idea.”  She said when he took a moment too long to reply and she tried to get up from the couch, but Bucky finally came to his senses.

“No, please doll.” He spoke softly and she sat down again. “I’m sorry.” He continued. “You took me by surprise, that’s all. I mean, how is it possible that you don’t.. you know.. know? How to kiss?”

The entire situation was embarrassing and awkward and they both were wishing the ground would open and swallow them whole.

Y/n felt her cheeks aflame by the embarrassment she was feeling. She knew it was a crazy idea to come to Bucky about this, but he was her only friend.

Despite the fact that she was 26 years old she was an introvert and she didn’t have many friends. Except for Bucky who was her best friend, she had another childhood friend back in her hometown but she was too far to come and help Y/n with her situation.

Her entire life she had avoided people as much as possible, especially boys and men. She never had a boyfriend in her life and she never even kissed a boy before. That’s why she was in  Bucky’s apartment now, asking him for help.

“I just..” she stuttered a reply. “Never kissed someone, so I don’t know how..” Her words were spoken in an almost hushed whisper, still mortified from the situation at hand.

“Okay, so you need me to…?”

“To teach me how to kiss.” She said matter of factly but she regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. They had sounded better in her head than they did when she said them out loud, but there was no way she could take them back now.

Bucky’s eyes widened at her request but he composed himself quickly. He was a highly trained assassin for God’s sake, he knew how to mask his  emotions, but apparently not around Y/n. “I can’t do that!” He finally exclaimed and he watched her face fall after those words. “I mean, it’s not fair to you.” He was quick to add and Y/n looked back up at him. “It’s your first kiss and it should be with someone you have feelings for. Not with me.”

“But Bucky…” A sound of protest left her lips. Those rosy and pillowy lips that he had wished so many times to kiss and that were now asking him to do so. “I’m going to be so embarrassed when he tries to kiss me again and I just stay there. It will be terrible if I just froze in the spot, you know.” She was trying to reason with him as much as she could. “Please? I kind of like this guy and I don’t wanna look stupid in front of him.”

“Doll. You could never look stupid.” He replied, still not saying anything about her request.

He wanted to give in and kiss her so much, but he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to stop once he started. His heart and his mind were in war at the moment.

“Please Buck?” She tried again. “You know I wouldn’t ask this of you if it wasn’t really important to me.” She pleaded and Bucky knew who won the battle inside of him. How could he refuse those lips that he had dreamed of for several years now? How could he refuse her pretty eyes, giving her that sad puppy dog look he absolutely adored? He simply couldn’t. That’s why he found himself slowly nodding his head in response.

“Okay, okay doll. I’ll help.” He said and she nodded back to him, a small smile forming on her lips. “Just one kiss to show you how it’s done.”

“Okay.” She replied and he let out a long breath at the sight of her looking so hopeful now, and beautiful, always.

They turned their bodies to face each other and Bucky cupped her cheek with his flesh hand. Ever so slowly he started closing the distance between their faces, until their noses were almost touching.

Y/n had closed her eyes and was waiting for him to place his lips on hers, but she could only feel his soft breath tickling her lips, but not touching them.

“Relax, doll.” She heard him say and her shoulders sagged a little, finally free from the tension she’d been holding in. “Just go with it and let it happen.”

She was ready to say something when she finally felt his lips touch hers, so softly she thought she must be dreaming it. With the same softness he started kissing her lips, slowly, gently, just like a breeze touching the leaves on the trees. He slowly coaxed her lips to part and she quickly complied, allowing him to deepen the kiss a little, feeling the kiss a little more. He was caressing her lips with his, happy to finally be able to do so, his flesh hand holding her cheek while the metal one moved to her hair, carding through her silky locks.

Too soon for his liking she ended the kiss, but she didn’t back away from him. Her eyes were hooded and her lips still parted when she whispered his name. “Buck..”

It was all he needed to delve in again for another kiss, this one more passionate. He couldn’t hold back anymore, coaxing her mouth open with his tongue, kissing her lips with a passion that was about to burn him entirely. He had been holding back for too long.

The hand in her hair gripped the locks tightly in between the fingers and he felt her let out a small moan against his mouth at the action, which only spurred him to kiss her more. Tongues hugging each other and teeth clashing with each other, biting and kissing and licking lips, starved for each other.

Her hands had found home in his shirt, bunching the material in her fists as she reciprocated his kiss with everything she had.

They had been so lost in each other, not even considering about stopping, until the phone in her pocket ringed and she whined lowly in Bucky’s mouth in annoyance.

“Forget about it.” He spoke between kisses but the device continued ringing until they were forced to part away from each other. Y/n had an apologetic look in her eyes as she fished the phone out of her pocket and she visibly winced when he saw the name on the screen.

She waited a moment until she fixed her breath before answering. “Hi, Andrew.” She spoke, not looking at Bucky anymore. “Yes, I’m ready. I’ll be down in 5 minutes. Okay.” She hung up the phone and finally looked at Bucky again.

He had an unreadable expression in his face while he was still trying to catch his breath from the mind-blowing kiss they just shared.

“I’m sorry. My date is here, I have to go.” Y/n said and waited for Bucky to say something, anything, but he just nodded his head and got up first from the couch, moving to the front door and opening it for her.

She got up too and walked out of the apartment, unable to say another word to him. When she finally reached the door of her own apartment and was entering it, Bucky finally decided to break the silence.

“You’re a quick learner Y/n. Kiss him like that and he’ll be yours forever.” She wanted to laugh at his words, but she just turned her head back and smiled sadly at him.

“Thanks Buck.” She said before he closed the door and entered his apartment again.

This is it, he thought as he sat back on his couch. The same couch where less than 5 minutes ago he was kissing the woman he loved. He should’ve stopped her. He should’ve said something. Asked her not to go on that stupid date with stupid Andrew. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. Because he was a coward.

Besides, if Y/n felt something for him, after that kiss she sure would’ve said something too. But she didn’t. She just got up and left to go on her date with another man, leaving Bucky behind with swollen lips and a broken heart.

It was less than three hours later that she finally came back. Bucky heard the keys jingle out in the hall and he knew she was back. She was probably coming back home with her date, he thought, but he was shocked to see her open his door and enter his apartment instead.

She seemed hesitant as she walked inside his place, finding Bucky slouched on the couch, a half finished bottle of whiskey in his hand.

“Bucky?” She called his name cautiously and he picked up his head to look at her. The same dress from before, except this time she was wearing a denim jacket over it too. He stared at her for a while, simply admiring her beauty, cursing himself for not being enough for her.

“Are you drunk?” The question left her lips without thinking. She knew he couldn’t get drunk, but when she saw him like that it was the first thing that came to mind.

“You know I can’t get drunk doll.” His reply was court and composed. “How did it go? Where’s your date?” He then asked her, despite the fact that he had no interest in knowing the answer to either of those questions.

She moved to sit on the couch next to him, the same spot he had stolen her breath away with one kiss a couple of hours ago, and she couldn’t think of nothing else except for that kiss. “It was okay.” She spoke mechanically, staring at his face. In her mind she was still kissing him.

“Did you kiss him?” Another question he didn’t want to know the answer of but he couldn’t help but ask it. Her only reply was a nod, but it was enough for Bucky to understand what she meant.

He slouched his head, dejected, broken, not wanting to be near her anymore. He had lost her.

“Yes, I kissed him.” She spoke a second later and Bucky wanted to tell her he understood that from her nod. “But I realized his weren’t the lips I wanted to kiss me, the lips I wanted to kiss.” She added a little breathlessly.

Bucky fixed his eyes on her, this time waiting with curiosity for her to continue. That she did. “I never wanted to go to that date after the most amazing kiss of my life, but I didn’t want to be rude to Andrew, so I thought I’d give him a chance, because he was a really nice guy.” She let out a small breath before she continued to speak again, Bucky patiently and curiously listening to her. “The entire time we were out I was still thinking about a certain set of lips that managed to set me on fire. And I thought to myself, it’s just because it was my first kiss. I’m sure if I kiss Andrew it will be even better, because I like Andrew. So I kissed him, but there was nothing. I was still searching for a different kiss in him. I was still asking to feel another man’s lips on mine.”

The bottle of alcohol he’d been holding in his hands, he placed it carefully on the coffee table before turning his body to the side to fully face her. “Doll, what are you saying?”

She let out a small sigh before answering, looking him dead in the eye. “I’m saying I don’t want to kiss anyone else beside you.” She confessed and it seemed that the world came to a stop.

He moved to get closer to her, this time both of his hands cupping her cheeks, inching their faces so close to each other once again. “Are you sure?” There was a slight tremble in his voice when he asked the question, but there was none in hers as she answered “Absolutely.” before locking her lips to his and kissing him like there was no tomorrow.

Their mouths continued the exploration and their hands found homes in each other’s bodies.

Bucky was so happy he could die. He kept kissing her like his life depended on it and between kisses he managed to speak. “Good, because I’m planning to kiss you for the rest of my life.”

[famedroleplayarchive]

As promised, here’s an admin update post. This addresses several topics you all probably knew were coming and might have been waiting for the answers on, as well as some other topics, additions, and changes! Please take your time to read this thoroughly, and thanks again for four years of Famed! There’s a lot here, so take your time reading it.

URL change

The main blog’s URL has changed to famedroleplay. Some links are still being updated, but if you notice anything still links back incorrectly after a week or so, please do let me know!

Faceclaims

After hearing out the opinion of everyone who shared theirs regarding banning faceclaims involved in bullying scandals and taking that into consideration, face claims will be banned if they are linked to outside crimes or severe such as sexual assault, molka, or bullying in connection to suicide / suicide attempts. This means the initial ban on actor Kim Jisoo and April members Kim Chaewon, Lee Naeun, Yang Yena, Lee Jinsol, and and ex-member Jeon Somin remain in tact.

Bullying allegations not linked to these outside factors will still be grounds for someone to be allowed to ask to change a faceclaim before their faceclaim change waiting period is up, though, if they are uncomfortable continuing to use a faceclaim because of bullying allegations. If a faceclaim leaves the industry and/or removes themselves from the public eye for the foreseeable future for any reason, they are also still unusable, but this rule was already in place.

As for how this will affect parts of the roleplay other than faceclaims, please see the section further down about Element. Two April songs (”Oh My Mistake!” and “Love Clock”) were previously used for the first season of base’s COLLA3ORATE. These will be retroactively replaced with Elris’s “Jackpot” and “Like I Do” respectively, but if you had a muse involved in “Oh My Mistake” and would prefer to remove them from COLLA3ORATE season one entirely, just message me and they will be removed. I assigned the lines trying to match the positions and line distributions up similarly, but if your muse was involved and you’d like to keep them in “Jackpot” but want to switch to an untaken position, you’re welcome to request that as well. Otherwise, any references to that can simply use those songs instead now.

Element update

Due to the recent allegations involving Somin, a major revamp of Element has had to be conducted. After discussing the situation with the current muns of the group, the past model discography of Element has been replaced using Checkmate, K-Tigers Zero, and Lucky J, and they will be making their final comeback on April 12. After those promotions end, Element will be disbanded and the members will re-debut later in the year in a boy group, Quicksilver, with model groups of Ateez and Treasure and a girl group, Marigold, with model groups of BVNDIT and Melody Day with two new members each. The Element spots have been reopened, but the new positions in the new groups won’t be opened until after Element have finished promoting. This will be a major plotline for the roleplay and Gold Star in particular so expect to see it brought up in schedules and in some articles on the Exclusive blog as the storyline unfolds.

The new debuts in Quicksilver and Marigold will be available on May 13.

Fuse’s model discography update

Thanks to everyone’s suggestions, I was able to find two groups to add to Fuse’s model discography that I felt could align with their sound, direction, storyline, and positions enough to be happy with for now. These groups are Cherry Bullet and Weki Meki. The updated line distribution can be found on Fuse’s page.

There are other groups I’m looking into adding onto the model discographies of, but Fuse was the most urgent, so they’re the only official update I have today!

Canon soloists

Ultimately, after the poll, more people voted to remove canon soloists than to keep them, and they are officially being removed from the roleplay.

Those discographies previously used for the soloists will begin to be open for points claims at midnight/12AM EDT on April 12.

With the removal of canon soloists, the plan is to allow a solo music career to become a more prominent claiming option, and there are plans for some additional claim options to become available in relation to such a career, but those will be added and addressed at a later time.

As for storylines linked to some of the soloists, this is how those will be retconned:

BC Soloist 1: Instead of BC signing and debuting a known Gold Star trainee, BC hired a high profile creative director from Gold Star known from working with Gold Star since their inception and had worked on some of their most defining comebacks and announced she would be taking over as one of the company’s main creative directors. She has since worked on conceptualizing several group’s comeback as well as most heavily on Chroma’s pre-debut project.

Dimensions Soloist 3: Instead of Dimensions buying out a small and brand new company created by a crew of popular music producers with one soloist who they transferred to their label, in early 2020, Dimensions bought out a music production company that was created by a top music production team with several rising producers signed with them and made the producers in-house producers for Dimensions. Since then, the new producers have helped to produce several hit Dimensions songs since.

While Gold Star Soloist 1 no longer exists as an IU stand-in, Gold Star still had an incredibly popular and loved NPC soloist as one of their first artists that helped give their name prominence. At the beginning of 2021, she announced her departure from the agency to create her own label, citing her reasoning as feeling she needed a more focused environment than Gold Star’s growth could provide. There are rumors she was alluding to dissatisfaction with Gold Star’s recent management and gossip that Gold Star was pushing for her to pursue activities in overseas markets she wasn’t interested in.

Anyone who had a feature or MV appearance claim on a soloist can contact me and let me know whether they’d like to just drop the claim (and, if a points claim, recollect those points), keep it as a claim in an unspecified work, or try to replace it with something else. The following muses had claims this applies to:

Features:

Cha Kyonghwa (Kami) (app claim) Kang Sunghee (app claim) Park Jaewon (points claim, 10 points) dropped! Choi Joosung (Sun) (points claim, 10 points) Moon Chaeyeon (Dita) (app claim) Park Duri (points claim, 10 points) kept as unspecified!

MV appearances:

Kim Kyongmin (Alice) (app claim) Ryu Jaein (points claim, 5 points) dropped! Seo Minjung (points claim, 10 points) points reclaimed! Moon Chaeyeon (Dita) (app claim)

Points shop updates

There have been a few updates to the points shop!

Firstly, the nation’s title claim checklist now requires a headcanon on the muse’s image and how it relates to their claims and career to be completed. This is just so I can see a mun’s own intentions for how everything ties in with their image. This headcanon shouldn’t focus on the title itself since that isn’t ever guaranteed for approval, but the muse’s general image as the mun has shaped it. The viral moment requirement for a nation’s title is now also specified to need to relate to the image involved in the desired title.

In the wake of canon soloists being removed, I’m planning on being a little more strict regarding music claims aligning well with positions.This applies to both individual songs and whole discographies. Still, the intent is to be reasonable. Chungha having a rap-like verse in “Bicycle” won’t require someone to have a rap position to claim it since it’s not a lot of the song and she’s not known as a rapper, but I also wouldn’t approve a muse whose most prominent position is main rapper or a main dancer making their entire discography IU releases since IU is primarily a singing-focused artist.

There used to be a rule requiring that muns seek admin approval before claiming songs written by deceased artists, but that rule has now been removed. Keep it respectful, though, please. If any issue arises with muns breaking the fourth wall in relation to these songs to be disrespectful about a real person’s passing, that claim may be revoked and the rule may be reinstated. Songs performed by deceased artists still cannot be claimed.

There’s also a new claim available — a YouTube variety show or talk show. Please see the variety page for examples and more information, but note that this is separate from both a reality show claim. I’ve tried to specify the difference, but if you’re ever unsure which one what you want to claim would fit into, feel free to ask! Both will now be uploaded in-’verse to base’s Youtube Channel. Likewise, there has been a small change so that future radio show claims are now through base Radio, a radio streaming application (think Naver Now). 

Company building pages + Pinterest

I’m currently working on pages that give more detail on the layout of the company headquarters. They aren’t quite finished yet, but I have created a Famed Pinterest account for those of you who find more muse visually or who are into visual worldbuilding! One of the sections on the boards there gives a rough idea of company building visuals. There are group concept boards as well, so if you’re struggling to decide where your muse might fit, looking at those might help you if you’re more of a visual person. No one is required to follow it and I won’t be answering messages or anything of the sort there, but I thought it might be a helpful way to visually convey locations and concepts! I’ll make a small post to let everyone know when the pages with in-depth information on the company buildings is available.

Activity rules updates

I mentioned there’d be a few more touch-ups to the activity rules to fill in loopholes that have been around a while, so here they are.

- There is now a formal hiatus request form that must be submitted to request a hiatus. Simply sending the main an IM that you want a hiatus will no longer qualify as a valid request and it will not be processed.

- There will no longer be a week-long grace period after a hiatus ends. You are responsible for being active for the next activity check after your hiatus ends.

- The maximum length of a hiatus is now three weeks (and the minimum one week). The initial hiatus request maximum is still two weeks with one week extensions, but extensions may not be stacked to exceed three weeks total without a passed activity check in between. If you can’t be around for a longer period of time, it might be best to rejoin at a later time when you’re more available! In total, a mun is allotted a maximum of four weeks of hiatus over any twelve week period.

- If a muse reaches three activity warnings in a month, they will be automatically moved to the unfollow list on their third warning instead. If a muse is removed and refollowed three times over the course of six months, they will not be able to be re-followed again and will have to re-apply.

New points opportunity

As of this post going up, muses may now collect one point for every first closed thread with a new muse after it has reached ten posts. This will no longer only apply during events and the ten post requirement is new. Members should be interacting with new muses all the time, not just during events, so it felt right to adjust this accordingly. This applies only to threads started after this post goes up.

Chroma

As schedules have been made quarterly, all remaining Chroma roles will be made available for reserves and applications in at midnight/12AM EDT on April 12.

Suggestions + Feedback

I want to end off this post by reminding everyone that I’m always taking suggestions for events, tasks, etc! I plan on opening an official suggestion submission blog at some point down the line, but I’m happy to take suggestions through the ask box or submit if you have any. I’m also open to feedback as well. If you do send in either of these things, please specify if you’d like a reply from me, since sometimes I might be naturally inclined to keep a message simply giving a suggestion or idea without any questions instead of responding to it.

Thanks for reading this very long update! There are more additions to the roleplay in the works, some I’ve hinted at here and some I’ve not, but I hope Famed’s fifth year is able to be its best one yet!

[holycalf]

i started watching sku bc of your blog (and i really enjoy it!) but i dont get why you seem to like shiori but not ruka....i mean it seems like his intentions were a lot better than hers ever were tbfh am i missing something? not saying he went about things GREAT but....at least he actually seemed to care. shiori was just a bitch for the sake of being a bitch it seemed like...

hi! im glad ure enjoying it! it can definitely be a lot at times, and i think the first 12 eps can rub ppl the wrong way so props to u for getting thru those (even tho i liked em :) ) this is gonna be long so if u feel like reading an essay feel free to read under the cut

um.. i dont really know where to begin tbh? i mean you cant really talk about any of these characters without talking abt the other two so.... this is gonna be long.

so lets take shiori, who has a very classic case of internalized homophobia. which is confirmed by ikuhahras outtake on ep. 17 which states the following

 “I finally realized the truth. To think that she loved me back! What a miracle! But...‘The loser in love is the one who lets their heart be ruled by it.’Everyone's adopted a provocative attitude toward someone of the opposite sex that they like at least once or twice, to get that person to notice them. So it's okay if I do that.This love will crumble if we touch. But when people don't touch, the love eventually dies away .That's why I decided to keep your love prisoner. To make sure that you love me forever. That game will make our love ‘eternal.’ I'm sure of it.We were ‘lovers lost from the beginning.”

so shioris in love with juri. im not sure if thats something u caught onto or not but its definitely the quintessence of her character, and needs to be considered when we consider her against ruka- since its a shared affection. also, i just like shiori, i dont necessarily think shes GOOD i just enjoy watching her and she feels very raw. shiori has a crippling inferiority complex, you can even tell through off handed conversations with her friends in hallways she exaggerates her stories to be more liked. juri is someone who has things come easy to her, and doesnt even really seem to care or notice. in the shows canon shes: liked by the student body, liked by teachers, admired by men (and girls too), academically inclined, good at bowling, captain of fencing club (and likely the most talented duelist- since shes the only one utena never properly beats) and a MODEL?????????? and shiori, at least in her own eyes, is painfully mundane. growing up next to someone who seems to have everything go in their favor, all of the while youre harboring having feelings for them (and jealous that youre among SO many suitors) is so frustrating! especially when you dont believe to have any at all. the elevator sequence when she discovers juris locket is a bit of a power trip for shiori, and also just a sort of confusion. shioris “why do you look at me like that?!” when she considers juri mid breakdown is a clear reflection of her own confusion, she may as well be saying “how could you possibly love me?”...but that was the black rose arc which all got undone anyways- so by the time we see shiori ruka arc she doesnt even know juris got the hots for her. when she first sees ruka, shes staring at juri first and only zeroes in on ruka once she hears people talking abt him. she takes ruka the same way she did that boy in middle school because he seems to be something coveted by the girls around her, its a very closeted gay girl move to decide to go for a boy just because other girls are into him... and it definitely helps that hes in such close contact w juri...he could easily be the one stored in that locket of hers, so why not take him? 

so then we have ruka, who the entire time we watch him is smug, condescending, and genuinely one of the most unpleasant characters on the show. by the end we learn hes in love with juri, so maybe this persona was embellished to push her towards revolution to “free her from shiori” or whatever but.... sorry i dont care LOL! the way he treated shiori ALONE was enough for me to dislike him, there was NO need to tear apart and embarrass the girl like that. he took clear advantage of her crush on juri. his locker is seen right next to juris, and shiori is pressed up against one of the two lockers, but we arent shown which,  “after all, that wasnt my sword,”....he knows shiori has been going to juris locker (and potentially polishing her sword but who knows. all we know is that she goes to juris locker.) and it is later revealed hes extra certain of her feelings because upon publically dumping her (another dick move) we hear her kinda stutter “I love you more than.... I love you more than anyone else” shes clearly beating around a bush because theyre in public, hes pinpointed she and juri are both into eachother, and instead of being a normal ass guy about it and just SETTING THEM UP and telling them to work their stuff out he chooses to, “out of love”  assault juri, emotionally manipulates the girl juri is in love with,  then inadvertantly cause juris locket to break which upsets her so deeply she forfeits her duel with utena. and upon that locket breaking he has the AUDACITY to think hes somehow freed her from something... when the girl is breaking down crying in the rain (the first and only time we ever see juri cry...even if its implied she does it in the shower that one time lol).......then just???dies??? like all he does in his time on the show is cause problems and die, all because he couldnt get over his feelings for a lesbian.... it just feels SO gross to me that he hides his assault and general abuse (can we talk abt how he likely took shioris virginity, JUST to break her down???) behind some icky hero complex

PLUS we see shiori at the end of that episode realize shes in that locket while juri is dueling, and we see her run up to juri at the end of the ep and it doesnt look malicious, it feels very...resolutiony? esp when you put it next to the miki/kozue closing scene of their car arc duel, which is explicitly bad terms, this feels more hopefully....suggesting some part of shiori has at least changed. ruka never got that luxury, he completely exploited two girls in order to add dramatic flare to his last few days and felt valid in doing so..... shiori never seemed to think her actions were JUSTIFIED.....which is sort of the point of the black rose arc where shiori is arguably at her worst........... the very ugliest part of ppl are brought out in those elevator sessions so thats what we see of shiori? 

sorry for the essay!! but i hope this helps and make sense :-) feel free to ask any more questions u have abt the show, and i hope u continue enjoying it! im assuming ure still watching it, i dont know how far u are but if u JUST finished 29 then that means ure getting to some of my fave episodes! (33,37,39 :) ) 

tl,dr: shiori never assaulted anyone

[rydiin]

Do you think he kept the picture of him mom in his pocket while it happened bc he wanted her to be with him while he did it (like in a bad way) he always told her he was gonna blow up the school and stuff and that it could’ve be been his way of getting back at her, kind of like he did with putting his MAGA hat in her grave? Or he just had that picture with him always idk

That’s a really good question....and I’m honestly not sure 😔 trust me, I’ve spent SO much time thinking about this. It’s so hard to reach a conclusion but by the end of this post I kind of do.

If we’re looking at this from a black and white lens, there’s two views/opinions:

VIEW #1: NC loves his mother and wanted to honor her and remember her always, so he kept her photo with him at all times (or as often as possible). People who claim this use the instance of his fight with Rock as an example, since (allegedly) the fight started because he couldn’t find a photo of his mother so he was frustrated. Indicating that he often clung to a photo of her as comfort.

VIEW #2: NC despised his mother. Sure, maybe he “loved” her in the basic way that everyone “loves” their mother...deep down he may have loved how she nurtured him and cared for him for so long. But ultimately he despised her and wanted to cause her pain. I’ll admit, there seems to be far more evidence thus far of THIS side than the first (the fact that he knocked her teeth out, he assaulted her many times, he chased her out the house with a rifle, and just read my somewhat recent post on the banker on nT to hear about allll the allegations of emotional and even physical abuse against her....he wanted her to die.)

For this side, it would also make sense for the photo to be in his pocket during the sh**ting. According to allegations, he told his mom things that foreshadowed the sh**ting, they were basically threats of what he was going to do. These quotes included, “no one will stop me from what I need to do”, “they will really know me soon, don’t worry, they’ll see.” He told her he was going to “bl*w up the school”. So he was clearly warning his mom that one day he would commit mass horror. The way he spoke to her, he almost treated her as if she was in the way of this plan by saying things such as telling Lynda to k*ll herself or that he’d do it for her because THEN no one would stop him from what needed to be done. Or how he said that when Lynda was gone, he’d be able to do whatever he wanted.

We also cannot forget the MAGA hat incident. He buried his mom with this hat and by his own admission he did this because he knew his mother hated Trump, so he thought it would be funny. I remember when the news of this first broke many accounts tried to say “Aww; this hat meant so much to him so burying her with it was an act of him giving her something that he prized.” Pretty sure I fell for it too! But then Hunter revealed NC’s actual intentions behind it and those sweet assumptions sort of went out the window lol

All of this anger and hatred that he seemed to have toward his mother, and this spirit of revenge that we see in the MAGA hat action and even in his language from the banker allegations, it would make complete sense for him to carry his mom’s photo with him when he went and committed the sh**ting, almost as if this was the final “F*** YOU” to his mom.

____________________________________________

So those are the two sides if we’re looking at it in black and white terms. And as much as I hate to say it, the reason the second side has such a longer explanation is because there’s not much evidence for the first side 😣 Like I know we love to think that he adored his mother and was a mamas boy through and through, but his actions and words just did not align with this. I will admit that much of what we know is based off of witness statements, so I’m not saying any of this is solid fact. But when you combine his evidenced assaults against his mother, and the reliability of certain statements, specifically his brother Zach and friend Hunter, (I don’t know much about the banker so I won’t comment on how reliable she is, altho her statement does seem to line up with things we already did know)....it’s clear that NC acted extremely hatefully toward his mom and I wouldn’t hold it past him to have her photo in his pocket as a last act of retribution against her.

But then we step out of the black and white and realize that BOTH could potentially be true. Which I know people may find absurd. But someone was asking me recently to explain more about my own family dynamic with my mama because I’ve shared how I reallllly treated her terrible during my teenage years. It haunts me everyday. That woman was my world, and yet I seemed to blame her for every ounce of suffering I ever had to go through. So while I never sought revenge (to this extreme) against her for these falsely perceived wrongs, I can at least empathize with NC because I know what it’s like to have such a skewed perception of reality that you literally treat the person who loves you the most as your ENEMY. And you say anything you can to hurt them and break them down because you’re so convinced that the pain you suffer is somehow due to the power they hold over your life 😞

So if I had to even come close to explaining my opinion on this, it’d be just that. He loved her. I believe he did. I hear the pain and genuine heartache in his voice during those 911 calls where he has to tell the operator he just lost his mom. It’s tear-jerking because it is so raw and real 🤧 And yet, he hated her. He despised her because, in his false view of reality, if ANYONE could’ve given him a better life where he was more accepted by others, more welcomed at school and in the neighborhood, viewed as more normal by his peers, it would’ve been his mom. He saw her as his superhero in a sense. She was with him to care and nurture since day one...so why couldn’t she fix the “injustices” he faced as a young boy being outcasted by society? Why couldn’t she make life easier for him outside of their home? In his eyes, she should’ve been able to do all this. And yet, she didn’t!!! So she had to pay.

He made sure that she was with him during that sh**ting. Some even say he was TALKING TO HER while looking for people to k*ll. This was a very personal thing between the two of them, in his eyes. Although she was dead by then, he refused to let her go without forcing her to see the final straw....... what he was “forced” to do because SHE never rescued him and made life easier for him, or at least as easy and bearable as he was wanting.

[prongsmydeer]

Ayesha Liveblogs One Tree Hill S1

No matter how many times I watch the pilot I consistently forget that Nathan and Peyton used to date

“Don’t bother showering tonight” is that really your come-on Peyton I will never understand sports

Lmao @ Nathan and Peyton “OTP: Distracted Driving”

“You’re despicable, you know that,” said Dan, a literal future murderer

I’m always so thrown when ppl in shows start drinking at their workplaces like what kind of bold behaviour Whitey you work at a high school

“What are you wasting your time at now?” Nathan ur a terrible boyfriend

“I say that the people who pray here are wasting their time. God doesn’t watch sports” I know Lucas is pretentious as all hell but this is my favourite line in any sports show ever

Karen is such a good mom ahhhhh like she just wants Lucas to be happy and she knows he’ll put other people’s happiness first 

Dan calling Lucas ‘this kid’ like he’s not his wholeass son what a dick

It’s not lost on me that Keith telling Lucas stories about his father means that it’s Lucas’s grandfather Keith Scott is truly the only dad in this show who matters

“So why’d you just tell me all that” because he loves to monologue

“If I could [change the fact that Lucas exists], I would” Dan answer your door I need to send you a very rude telegram

I am in love with Moira Kelly and also I want Karen to punch Dan

The music of this show is really.... transcendent 

Djhfkjhfkjh since Lucas is implied to have like, five friends.... is that crowd of supporters hugging him just a bunch of people who think Nathan is a dick

I admire Lucas for deciding he was gonna put up with all this bullshit to do something he loves

Omg I forgot that Brooke wasn’t in the pilot she’s such a major character

“Nice hands” “Nice legs” Emo flirting in a jock setting lmaooooo

My inner 2007 angst awakens every time I hear Gavin Degraw. He is THAT bitch

“You ever think I might want to talk” Peyton and Nathan’s relationship is truly nothing but blind horniness they have nothing in common at all in this juncture of their lives

“I didn’t invite you to come in, I just asked if you wanted to” Peyton is so weird but I kind of want to marry her. Is this what Lucas feels like

Lucas’s economic status is really part of Brooke’s romance criteria at the age of 17 they teach the bourgeois early huh

Oh my god I cannot BELIEVE Jake recommended Atlas Shrugged to Lucas jhjhgjhgjh the undertones of this basketball show really are about capitalism

HAHAHAH Nathan’s word being “revenge” calm down Sasuke Uchiha

I haven’t said so yet but Haley is so very endearing she’s great

God. Lucas turning around to reveal to Dan that he’s cast away his name. HE is that bitch

Ghjkghjkgh Keith hissing at the rude Boosters mum. Love of my life

“Maybe he’s gay” “No, I think he’s just nice” who writes this dumbass show

“Do you even care that it’s slipping away” maybe it’s because I went away for university but the idea that someone is this deeply invested in their kid’s high school basketball career is. A lot

Nathan simultaneously trying to bother Lucas and pass English while about to fall in love: I can multitask!!!

Update: He also managed to trash Lucas’s favourite basketball court somehow in all his business. He really can multitask!

“If it makes you feel any better I called some woman a bitch the other day” [giggle] I love Karen and Lucas’s relationship

Haley is such a good friend to Lucas and hoo boy Nathan when do you grow a conscience

“You’re both so broody. You could brood together” that’s it, that’s Peyton and Lucas

These emails and VCR references are really dating this show

Nathan is a straight up sociopath in these early eps my god he humiliates Lucas publicly twice at this party and just pops over to Haley like “Hey cutie :) Idk why Lucas is so mad :) I’m rlly nice :)”

Nathan really taking his girlfriend’s car to hit on another woman how much of a crapbag

As soon as I said this he (drunk?) drove her car into a streetlight my god 

Deb and Karen having a nice lesbian coffee shop AU would be a pleasant turn in this show instead of literally anything that happens in either of their narratives

“Why would you even go there” “Because I loved getting dumped on” That is... accurate

“I’ll call you when you’re not so PMS” said Nathan, when his (ex) girlfriend rightfully lambasted him for crashing her car

I take it back Peyton and Nathan do have one thing in common it’s their disregard for traffic laws

HELL YEAH Keith IS your dad Lucas <3 <3 <3 <3 

Whitey talks a lot of shit for someone who advised Dan to abandon Luke 

I had been wondering why Lucas had the Scott name when Dan is such an ephemeral piece of shit and I guess there’s my answer thanks Karen 

Does Haley ever find out about the shit Nathan pulled at the party I feel like these are relevant details in her budding affection

“Dad send you to spy on me? Poison my drink?” This is the second time in two episodes Deb has been accused of being Dan’s spy I wonder if she still considers that a red flag 17 years into marriage

“One of the boys doesn’t have a father” BUUUUURN Dan

Rhkgjhgjkh the last moment of this scene:

Keith: There is enough room in my heart for each of my brother’s mistreated sons even the rude ones Nathan

Nathan, experiencing a split second of paternal love: :O

Ghkjghkjgh the Scott bonding in hatred of Dan continues with Lucas asking Nathan if he too would like to spite Dan:

Lucas: You will be receiving your “I Hate Dan Scott” Club invitation in the mail shortly Nathan, mom, Uncle Keith and I hold meetings biweekly

Nathan: Biweekly as in every two weeks or twice a week 

Lucas: Both! See you on Tuesday

“Does this mean we’re dating” yes it does the mixed CD is emo code

“Good luck with your game” “yeah, you too, Ma” hehehehe

Someone revoke this college medic’s license hoo boy

Ghjghkgh Lucas keeping his money tucked into his boxers what a doofus

I can’t believe Nathan and Lucas’s second big bonding moment is threatening dudes while in their boxers after beating on each other what a brotherly bond lmao

Okay but highkey if ur a lady and ur friends are gonna leave you alone and vulnerable at night get new friends

“I can live without my shirt” Nathan is thirteen shades of petty lmaooo

Dan is such a bad (abusive) father that Nathan literally would prefer to have none at all my god 

“Can I tell you a secret? I pretended too” just get marrrried 

“Thanks for cutting Lucas some slack” talk about accepting the bare minimum Haley kjhgkjhgkj

Brooke is really unbearable in this episode is it any wonder her, Lucas and Peyton’s relationship is as dysfunctional as it will soon become 

Hoo boy the one (1) time Nathan doesn’t do something douchey and he gets blamed for it 

LMAO @ Lucas approaching the one girl at this school with commitment issues with a bold “I wanna be here [in your heart]” hahaha

“Yeah, they can have their world,” said Lucas to Haley, about the two people they would literally go on to marry

The fact that Peyton doesn’t turn off her webcam and just covers it also really speaks to the era

This Gabe dude is really ready to assault a minor like he’s not just a r*pist he’s also a predator double KO 

It is not lost upon me that it looks like one pill has been popped out before so he is also a serial r*pist big fucking yikes

“What, you got a cellphone too, dawg? Things sure have changed” also quite dated hahahaha

They really went out of the way to redeem Brooke not only did she give Nathan and Haley a very very cute date she also saved her friend from being assaulted

“So you don’t have any brothers, do you” jhgkhgkhg Brooke please 

“Why are you only nice to me when we’re alone” a very legitimate question Haley

Nathan’s dating methodology: There’s nothing in life that can’t be solved with make-outs

Deb is really so nice but every time I look at her I think of her drinking a lot and sleeping with Nathan’s friends lmao

Haha that North Carolina sign explains the mild Southern accents 

Aieeeeeeeeeee you kiss that man and follow your dreams Karen

Even if Nathan is still A Lot this season him and Haley are so cute:

Haley, smiling: We can’t do this here right now

Nathan, giggling: We just did

Lucas says more to Dan by constantly leaving with a look of disgust than any words ever could

“My heart’s racing too. That’s what happens when I’m around you. (And on drugs. I’m very unstable Haley.)”

Lucas and Nathan’s very intentional “pressure from your dad” and “you don’t know anything about my dad” bc Lucas will not acknowledge that Senor Crabag Sr. is anything resembling a father bless 

Drunk tattoos with crush’s bff Lucas has decided to make all mistakes at once and I respect it

Poor Keith he is trying his best but Lucas just chose this week to hit his rebellious phase

YESSSSSSSSSS DEB KICK THAT ASS OUT OF THIS HOUSE

“Do you really think that Nathan would choose you over me” uh???? Are you not aware you are... the worst father in town

Brooke you were fully aware of Peyton and Lucas’s vibing and actively pursued him/interfered so you have no moral high ground to be like “:) I’d never choose a boy over my friendship”

Skillz and Mouth accurate “hoo boy don’t look” when ur friends start PDA

“Mom doesn’t want things to get back to normal, she wants them to be better” hell yeah Nathan gaining emotional intelligence

Lucas quit projecting your childhood issues onto Jake he too is a child let him decide how he wants to live Jenny’s 6 months old not like she’s gonna remember lmao

Damn Nathan LET LOOSE on Dan fuck that dude

JGFHJGFJGFJH I forgot Gavin Degraw had a cameo hahahahah

Did Luke.......... break into Jake’s house. His parents work at night how was he able to get into Jake’s coffee table

“You do not have to feel like a third wheel” The pure dumbass energy.... Peyton is literally CRYING do u really think her issue is “third wheel” you KNOW she and Lucas had a thing Brooke???????

Me watching this team form a brotherly bond over their mutual love of basketball: Mayhaps sports are... good 

Hahahaha Lucas threatening Peyton’s dad with a rake is weirdly endearing

“Hey you.” “Hey you, and you,” is a good summary of this seasons Brooke/Lucas/Peyton dynamic lmao

Why is Dan’s head... shaped that away. It is like a bar of soap

“I don’t mind you playing ‘Daddy’ to one of my offspring, but leave the good one alone, will you?” Dan. Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot at midnight and we’ll have words

“The whole Nice Guy thing is wearing kind of thin” foreshadowing for all the dick moves Lucas is about to pull lmao

“He’s got you skipping school now?” “Lucas talk to me when you get your tattoo removed”

Lucas:

Lucas is such a meddler lmao how many family dynamics is he going to alter

I don’t trust Dan being nice for a minute all he wants is the upper hand with Deb in the inevitable custody battle over Nathan

Props to Nathan and Haley for somehow, some way, being the only normal couple on this show despite their incredibly dubious origins lmao

Scott family dinners are bananas I count four (4) major revelations and they haven’t even revealed that Deb and Dan are separated

Lucas and Peyton are really hitting every fictional couple trope in this ep - road trip, bed sharing, hurt/comfort, truly the YA bases 

“The truth? In this house?” Props to Deb for drama lmao 

Brooke saying ‘I love you’ you’ve been dating for like two episodes but okay kjhgkjhg

I can’t say I understand Nathan’s logic lmao but I guess they have to bring him back to basketball sometime

Wow Lucas zero hesitation on that second kiss lmao u r a mess

This scene is the definition of “that escalated quickly” they go straight to undressing 

HAHAHAH NATHAN BEING SHIRTLESS IN HALEY’S DREAM FOR NO REASON 10/10 TEENAGE ACCURACY

“How do you explain being with me and not her?” “Because with you, I saw a future” that’s Dan code for ‘I’m a gold digger’

You’re literally macking on Peyton in the middle of the hallway while you’re dating the other most popular girl in school Lucas how are you this ridiculous and bold BREAK UP WITH BROOKE U DUMBASS

“So what are we going to do” I’ll tell you what you should do BREAK UP WITH BROOKE

Keith it is still daylight out stop bringing alcohol into this high school you have a drinking problem

“Can’t control love, you know?” THAT’S NOT ADVICE LUCAS BREAK UP WITH BROOKE

I really can’t handle watching Keith and Lucas self-destruct this episode how is Nathan the only Scott in a happy, healthy relationship

“You know that this is... wrong, so that makes it feel... deeper?” Lucas asks, as if he were not entirely in the wrong by carrying on with Peyton (who is not in a relationship) while dating Brooke

“I don’t want to hurt Brooke,” he said, about to start his third secret cheating makeout session of the week

“But then again our spouses aren’t here are they” [Deb opens door] COMEDIC TIMING

Gjjhgkjhg Nathan revealing his messed up intentions with Haley entirely by accident Scotts have no self-control whatsoever it’s their kekkei genkai

Lucas evading responsibility for his romance crimes by literally dying

Hahahah Karen’s confused vibes at Brooke are kind of the highlight of this episode 

How funny would it be if Lucas woke up to Karen scolding him about his tattoo

Hahahaha for such dysfunctional partners Nathan and Peyton are excellent exes 

AHHHHHHHHH LUCAS WAKING UP TO HIS BROTHER... MY HEART

Keith rlly was gonna propose after zero (0) days of dating I’m telling you no self-control is truly the Scott clan kekkei genkai

Ahhhh bless Karen’s compassion 

Dan is literally blackmailing his son into staying in his custody he is in Deb’s words an “abusive son of a bitch”

Fucking finally Lucas ends this sham of a relationship with Brooke

It’s wild that Nathan is the only Scott with a happy and healthy romantic relationship 

Nathan divorcing his parents is a real power move 

I’m glad Haley announced Sheryl Crow’s name because let me tell you I would not have recognized her on sight

“How’s my daughter” Lucas really chooses exclusively to hook up with people who have devastating emotional consequences for his immediate friend group huh

“Funny I didn’t know you were forgiving at all” Lmao Peyton is that really the position you’re going to take after cheating with your best friend’s boyfriend 

All the deodorant product placement lmao ‘this ep sponsored by Secret’ 

All things considered I think Lucas is handling Haley’s constant ditching p well 

Bfhkghghjg Keith buying a new shirt just to go to dinner with Karen stop

OH MY GOD THE EP REALLY WAS SPONSORED BY SECRET IT’S GOT SECRET ON THE CHEER COMPETITION BANNERS AND A LITTLE GIFT BAG RANDOMLY IN ALL THE CHEERLEADER CONFRONTATIONS JKGHKJGH

The comedic timing of “hungover idiots” panning to Karen and Larry kills me

“She used to be this totally original.... Haley” what does this mean????

I don’t think Nathan and Haley are being entirely fair to Lucas bc he was only a dick once she ditched him twice (or thrice?) in one weekend 

This boy toy auction as a concept is so inappropriate on so many levels

“I get Nathan for free” Fhjkfhkfjh Haley pls

God I was so very concerned about whether or not Nathan and Peyton were gonna kiss 

“You’re not a mess, you’re just in love” [Ole Del Paso Girl voice] Why not both?

“She’s nine months old, just in case you forgot” to be fair I assume Nikki gave birth so she would remember that you can’t hold that one over her 

It must take Lucas some mental disconnect to assume Peyton and Nathan are cheating when he also kissed Haley

Fhjfhkjfhjfh Keith fulfilling my fave trope of ‘we are not even dating but how about we get married bc we’ve been repressed in love for years’

“You know I asked your mom to get an abortion,” said Dan, to his literal son

I really can’t figure where this pregnancy storyline is going bc I know Brooke doesn’t have a baby

Nathan and Haley really need to consider oral or smth there’s a middle ground between making out and having vaginal sex

“It all hurts just the same” Brooke really out here trying to say that cheating is in any way equivalent to faking a pregnancy (even if only for a week)

Peyton and Brooke are way more invested in each other than Lucas 

“I got you a high five” Hahahhaa I love Peyton 

Gary like: Wow Nathan it’s humanizing that your father is an abusive dick

“Maybe this is the one that changed him” Lucas joining Dan as the second and only non-Dan member of the Dan Scott Apologism Club

It’s wholly unreasonable that Haley expects her boyfriend not to look at p*rn lmao

I love all this Lucas and Nathan bonding but I hate that it comes at the cost of Dan being near them at all u stay away from those boys u manipulative fuck

Ah the foreshadowing about Peyton changing in front of her webcam finally pays off

I’m no legal expert but I don’t think that taking your daughter out of state will help you in the custody battle in the long term Jake - nor will dropping out of high school

“What do I get out of it” r u 4 real Keith u dont get payment for loving your family

“I’m leaving because I can’t look at you anymore without my heart breaking” I like you Keith but that sounds like a You Problem

This is a fun way to shoot this episode One Tree Hill has such good directing tbh

Nathan discarding the Scott name from his jersey just like Lucas did in ep 2: 

Haley: Having sex will solve all of my problems Nathan what are you talking about

I remembered that at some point Deb and Keith have sex and I’m glad they fuck things up early bc I could not deal if it was later on

“I’ll miss you too, little brother” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

KJKGHKJHGJHKJHGKJHKJ I CAN’T BELIEVE NATHAN AND HALEY GOT MARRIED JUST TO HAVE SEX THIS IS WHY THEY DON’T LET PEOPLE YOUNGER THAN 18 VOTE

[honeybee-babe]

cw for ed-ish stuff so feel free to skip if you aren't in the right place of mind to deal with that: I've been really strugling with binging urges lately and I was wondering if you could share some Luther hcs or other thoughts you've had about him and food stuff? How do you think it would go if one of the others walked in on him binging (someone who's sympathic about it)?

TW: Eating disorders and body dysmorphia, mentions of sexual assault

oof i’ve let this sit here for far too long. soz! been busy af. :( 

First off, I hope things have gotten better for yoU!! I have been in a similar boat lately literally binging and restricting for weeks on end. It’s getting better but it really is hard to break these cycles, it requires a lot of strength. But you are strong enough and i know you can get through it

ANYWAY:

HCs and Thoughts on Luther’s ED (this got very wordy/rambly):

tbh i see luther as a comfort eater, esp. bc he ate those 10 hot dogs when he was sad and feeling sorry for himself. yes finding out that reginald was lying to him was awful and truly traumatic but people without already disordered eating don’t just up and eat 10 hotdogs when they’re sad. that is an extreme binge for someone at any size, plus he seemed ashamed of it when allison brought it up: AND not to mention the only other thing we ever see him eat post-change is a weird nutritional pouch and eventually alcohol.

on the moon, Luther must have eaten in rations and definitely would have been counting calories. Plus with the nutritional pouch thing we can assume he is restricting when back on earth and the hotdogs were a binge, therefore Luther is a binge/restricter.

EVEN in the flashback to before the serum we see him eating way too little for his size (way too little for his size before the change, mind you). He eats a single bowl of cereal without any juice or anything to wash it down, which is just not an adequate breakfast for Tom Hopper’s Actual Body(TM), especially if he was going to train later that day. And then after this sad breakfast he drinks a ton of milk. IDK if this is a stretch but that in itself is kind of disordered; the milk was definitely a comfort food for him which indicates that he is an emotional eater (IE extra calories because he feels lonely), a predisposition to disordered eating before the serum. He clearly prefers to get most of his calories from liquids, which continues and gets worse after the change.

I imagine Reginald was particularly strict with him about food. Since his power was physical strength, Reginald probably gave him a strict diet and exercise routine. Counting macros and calories, etc. Going under or over his limit was probably a huge, HUGE fucking deal. And maintaining perfect body image as the big, strong #1 was definitely a giant deal to Reginald bc Luther had to look intimidating. That, along with the pressure to be perfect, is a recipe for anorexia or bulimia. Luther definitely is the type to take corrective measures: binging and then following it with purging or restricting, or intense exercise.

Additionally, with the smiley-faced foods, I imagine the kids were taught to see Grace’s food as comfort. I see Grace giving them treats to make them feel better when Reginald was a dick. These good intentions definitely could have convinced Luther that food was comfort and nurturing but something Reginald wouldn’t allow him to have. So the overwhelming urge to eat and eat and eat (BINGE) when he is very upset, followed by an urge to restrict.

And definitely a deep, deep shame about all of this. If anyone found out, Luther would be crushed.

Literally the stereotype for someone with an eating disorder is someone who feels they lack control over their life trying to overcompensate by controlling their food intake. And someone who is striving to be perfect either because someone has told them they have to be (*COUGH*Reginald) or convinced them that they will never be good enough unless they are (*COUGH*Also Reginald). Luther embodies this mentality; he wants to be perfect for Reginald, but Reginald has set Luther up to hate himself because he can never be perfect (perfection is a myth), and also Luther has literally no control over his life because Reginald controls everything. It is thought that many young teenagers develop eating disorders because they are afraid of the changes their bodies experience during puberty, the underlying problem being that they are afraid of growing up; Luther literally still lives at home and is absolutely afraid of growing up.

Ape body obviously makes things 100000x worse. And we see in the show that his poor eating habits (small bowl of cereal and relying on milk for liquid calories/comfort food) have gotten even worse (liquid calories in packages clearly restricted until a MASSIVE binge on hotdogs)

MIGHT I ADD: Sexual assault survivors are much more likely to experience disordered eating because the lack of control over what happened to them and the hatred of the body that has been “tainted” or reminds them of being assaulted..... Luther’s consent over his body was clearly taken away during the ape-body operation.

Thoughts on Someone Walking in on him Binging:

This is real tough. I feel like Allison isn’t really aware of it due to her reaction to him eating 10 hotdogs and not saying anything about it. IDC if he is big, 10 hotdogs is abnormal especially given how little he used to eat, and the fact that he currently only eats those weird fucking packages. I feel like, loving as she is, she wouldn’t really understand it. I feel like Allison has a really healthy relationship with food, probably the healthiest out of all of them. She is the most well-balanced sibling I think. But once she realized it was a problem she would do a ton of research into BED/Bulimia/EDNOS or whatever Luther has and become an expert and advocate, as well as helping him in recovery.

Same with Diego but I feel like he would probably joke about it and then after Luther either told him to fuck off or hide the evidnece, he would realize it was a serious problem but not want to apologize or know what to do. I feel like he’d be concerned but not want to express it, so he’d tell Klaus about it and make him bring it up. After Luther entered into recovery Diego would keep updated through Klaus but not express concern to Luther himself. 

Five... oof I feel like Five would just be like “yup thats how i ate during the apocalypse” and not really understand? Like i don’t think he’s evil but he would probably not find it very serious. Once he found out (if he ever did) that it was serious, I feel like he’d be accomodating (checking in if Luther ate his dinner, if he snuck food out of the pantry etc.) but not particularly warm or comforting.

TBH I see Klaus and Vanya being the most understanding Vanya would definitely understand the urge to make yourself seem as small/insignificant as possible, and Klaus obviously understands mental health issues and addiction (ED is an addiction!) 

Klaus might not realize what was going on at first and make a joke, but i think he’d realize real soon bc he understands unhealthy coping. he would probably joke around with him still in the same way that he jokes about his own addictions, but i feel like he would be very comforting, like solidarity yknow? Maybe he would make a pact with him that they would recover from their addictions together.

I feel like Vanya would just be super supportive and quietly soothing. Like if Luther got uncomfortable she would use a rlly soft caring voice. this is sappy but i feel like if Luther was ever to talk openly to a sibling or cry in front of one of them about his body issues, it would be Vanya.

OKAY THAT WAS WAY TOO LONG OF A RESPONSE AND I HAVE TO GET BACK TO WORK.

NIGHT NIGHT!!