#bc the 'are you afraid of me' line is so AUGH so i WANT that but theres so much btwn that and like the. 'no you fucking DONT know

[ectonurites]

hgrrr

[jack-kellys]

i hate the song something to believe in dearly and truly. it’s the one part of newsies i cannot reconcile because it’s just so bad

please fix it. or do something with it

it’s just not a banger i agree. alright.

send me issues from the Plot or Script of this darn show. and i’ll fix them onstage

so my rules for this is that i cannot cut the song. i cannot invent a scene bc i did that already & that’s cheating.

i do think tho that the key to being… fine with something to believe in is the scene right before. i think that scene MUST be fucking stellar in order for the song to be passable. and the scene before…augh. it could also be written better. the positionally of it and the context and the stakes are more interesting than what they say to each other. except. for.

“don’t say it like it happens every day. i’m not an idiot- i know girls like you don’t wind up with guys like me. i don’t want you promising nothing you’re just gonna have to take back later. but standing here tonight, looking at you… i’m afraid tomorrow’s gonna come and change everything.” EATS.

what’s rly important abt jatherine to me is that jack like. literally does not express his fears to anyone else except her. he talks about regret and anger with davey in wwh(r), i’m not counting that as fear. kath is the only person in the show he shares this with. and what he’s afraid of is being alone.

tomorrow coming means he did vote for the disbanding of the union, it means all the kids he loves are angry and done with him, tomorrow means everyone is gone from his life. (in his pov).

so katherine has a job with this song. she has to refute those fears, finally admit that she’s fallen for him, which means he won’t be alone, even if he leaves. he’ll be in her heart, he’ll have a home there, even if he were to get on a train the next day. she initially comes into this scene demanding something of him, but when she learns his actions were done out of this loyalty and his fear for others & himself… wow. “you snuck up on me, jack kelly. i didn’t even see it coming.” YOU KNOW?? going from “cocky little sonofa” to “of course there’s something” is wild for her

she needs to see him FULLY and completely by this point. idt she does until now, it has to be here for this scene & song to mean anything. this is her almost like. protecting his scared little heart. she says she’s in love (he doesn’t), she assures him it’s okay that it might be for a short time, that it’s random, that things like this CAN be something that happens any day. she offers terms that are accessible to jack, that can let him love her. belief conquers fear, undermines it, and if there’s something reporters are good at it’s getting to the root of something. she just has to take an angle that she didn’t expect from herself.

i think honestly the only line that genuinely bugs me abt this song is jack calling her “an angel come to save him”…. especially cause that boy ain’t white anymore we’ve grown passed that as a community so now it’s like. eugh like SURE, sure, but jack u did lead the strike. with ur boys. and ur leadership skills. and ur love for them. so i think this can be said as a knowing tease and she can wave it off and blush and whatever. u can make it cute i promise.

smth abt uksies that was stellar (wow what a shocker rizz is praising uk newsies…) was how emotive and present bronté’s kath was thru this song, she reacted to every word jack said to her. as long as she’s present i think this scene and consequentially the song can work. u just cannot forget abt katherine’s stakes and her journey of learning abt who jack kelly really is. it’s not a bad song bc it’s a love song it’s bad bc it’s not…. actually about how THEY fell in love. the courage and fear line from seize the day should’ve had a reprise moment here bc that’s what their relationship is based on.

if newsies rly was a love story i think that would be the proper theme through their whole arc together. jatherine is about fear and courage. and so is the show. tbh. just saying

[emetkoto]

what would emet and k'oto get each other for [insert whatever the ff equivalent of christmas is here]?

YEAHHHH STARLIGHT GIFTS!!!!!!! I think for sure by the time starlight rolls around that the weather in the first has returned full force and theyve entered their first winter in 100 years and since there hasnt really been weather there before k'oto doesnt exactly have any warmer clothes with him and sure he could go home and grab stuff but thats precious time he could be spending on hes always very afraid of the time between shards drifting again and potentially losing years so hes like 'mmm.. i will survive the cold against my will but only when i have to' which is fine and good he can handle it during the day but at night when emet-selch comes to spend time with him hes always like 'maybe we can just stay in tonight its so cold :(' and at first its fine but emet-selch wants to go out and take him places and show him things and spend time with him somewhere other than the stuffy inn so i think he would make him a nice warm new outfit!! smth similar to his current style but nice and thick and fur lined so he can handle the nighttime chill better <3 ofc its armored too so he can wear it during his daytime missions too but its mostly for the sake of their dates <3 hes still working on figuring out a solution to keeping the kitty ears warm that doesnt irritate them or cause k'otos hearing to be muffled hehe

as for what k'oto would get emet-selch.....honestly i think he would have a really hard time coming up with something? He would for sure overthink it just going in circles like 'hes immortal hes seen and owned everything at least once what could he possibly want what can i give him that wont make him roll his eyes'....realistically though even if he might find some things silly emet-selch would appreciate anything k'oto could give him! he may jokingly huff and puff about it but he'd be sure to sort of lay off it a bit so k'oto can easily tell that he's thankful without giving himself away too much hehe.....i have it written that for either valentiones or k'otos nameday (which k'oto decided was also emets nameday bc he couldnt remember his actual one) k'oto goes out and digs up an old rare bottle of wine as a gift since emet-selch strikes me as a wine aunt type but you can only come across smth like that so many times...augh its so hard to decide! i understand how k'oto must feel ueue....maybe he could ask feo ul to help him practice his ballroom dancing and prepare a nice meal inside the castle so he and emet could have a nice romantic evening there and he could make up for all the times they tried to have cute dances but k'oto stepped on emets feet or tripped over his own and ruined the moment!!!

bonus: i started doodling this outfit and got carried away and started rendering it despite not ever doing that in my life so enjoy warm cat

[carrieway]

24!

"...i want to be my theme song"

OUGH. Hard Question. i want many NDNDN although there is one song that just absolutely is my theme song whether i like it or not so ill do that one too :]!

the one i'd want would be townie by mitski !!! i absolutely adore that song and how she took a simple, thousand times done before set of chords and made it a part of what the song was about- the repetitive, predictable nature of living in a small area as a teenage girl that wants something More, but maybe doesn't realize that what she wants is also another part of said repetition. (at least that's what i took from it.) my favorite lyrics are "im holding my breath with a baseball bat, though i don't know what i'm waiting for" bc personally for me it really defines the experience of having some form of ptsd from a long past event that has no signs of happening again, but your body, mind, and soul are still tense and waiting for it. maybe you don't even fully remember the event, hence the "i don't know what i'm waiting for". and the progression of "i'm not gonna be what my daddy wants me to be"/"i'm gonna be what my body wants me to be" can easily be read as big trans vibes honestly, or just queerness in general, which i enjoy.

the universe's assigned one is actually a song i was given by a really good friend of mine like...a week into us meeting lol- it's big bird by ajj !! a whole song about being afraid, which i often am :D! it's also a nice song in general, a lot of specifics that many people can take from and feel less alone with. lines that get me augh-ing the most are "i'm afraid of god, i'm afraid to believe, i'm afraid of all the loved ones that i made leave, i'm afraid that my dog doesn't love me anymore", "i'm afraid that i've somehow caused my family harm", "i am a knife". i do quite like ajj's music, a lot of their lyrics i find such specific feelings in that aren't often in other pieces of work.

(also i know. this is supposed to be like one song minimum but. abbey by mitski is also a big contender for this NDNDND it's very. Ouughh. Me Too Dude™)

send me a number and i’ll give you a song that...

[joshuaalbert]

sito OFC.

thank you for your reading comprehension king you rly listened to and followed directions on this one hfkdhd

favorite thing about them

I love that she’s not brave in the way of “not scared of anything,” she’s brave in the way of “actually pretty scared of a lot of stuff but fighting through it anyway.” like. she spends a significant amount of her screentime afraid! in the first duty she’s afraid of the consequences of telling the truth even though you can tell that she’s really uncomfortable with lying about their dead friend. in lower decks she’s afraid of making mistakes to the point where she’s overcautious and has a hard time taking risks. she’s afraid of never proving herself to be better than her worst mistakes. she’s afraid of picard’s assessment of her, and there’s no way she’s not terrified about that mission. like. that’s a lot of stuff that scares her but especially in the context of lower decks she’s trying so hard to be better than her fear of all of those things and she’s not always successful but she is Trying to the point of putting her life on the line to prove she can be more than those fears (and yes, okay, look what it got her, but that’s not the POINT)

also I’m counting that deleted first duty line where she makes the choice to back wesley up on the truth as canon and I am going to count that as a thing that she chose to do despite her fear and like. who’s gonna fuck with me on this tbh.

least favorite thing about them

okay like. I think I will never Not be of two minds about the fact that they didn’t bring her back for ds9. like thematically the lower decks ending is so good even if it fucks my shit up but I absolutely think it was a missed opportunity to not have a bajoran starfleet officer on ds9. there are a lot of episodes where it would be really interesting to see someone navigating either having split loyalty in a situation or being perceived by others as having split loyalty in a situation and I think she would’ve been great for that. also like. was I gonna Not want to see her again.

brOTP

ok this is all in my own personal universe but josh n jaxa best friendship is everything to me. best and worst influences on each other. jaxa and wesley also incredibly dear to me although they’re not Quite as close (like. pre first duty they were friends but I don’t think they were Besties just bc I can’t see their interests other than flying overlapping a ton, and also in my head she’s about an earth year older than josh who’s a little less than a year older than wesley so there’s a little distance there. not that you can’t be friends with someone a couple years younger than you obviously but I think he can seem young to her. between first duty and journey’s end they’re friends but kind of like. through josh? like if you’ve ever had that friend that you care about a lot but you don’t tend to hang out one on one with. I don’t think they really develop a solid independent friendship until after she gets rescued and the two of them hang out together but when they do it’s very good)

also I’ve posted about this before but like! her friendship/mentor-mentee relationship with worf!!like that’s obviously a very different thing than with her friends her own age but I rly do LOVE that dynamic like it’s so!! augh!!!!!!!

OTP

I actually don’t have one rly? I can’t necessarily see her Seriously dating anyone she spends time with in canon (although i will say even if I was eh about a lot of the echoes and refractions novella she was in I’m willing to buy their concept of “she and sam lavelle dated for a bit and it didn’t work out but they’re still friends” if she’d stayed on the enterprise). in the scope of when I’ve written her she’s really just trying to get her own shit sorted out in so many different ways and it’s kind of for the best if she’s not looking for romance at the moment yknow

nOTP

I don’t really have anything that I’m like “wow I hate that” just bc there’s like. nothing that is there for me to hate.

random headcanon

I think she took awful notes in school. like they worked for her they obviously got her through but anyone else who looked at them was like. girl what the fuck. also I’ve used this as a recurring thing in fics but I think she has an absolutely abysmal morbid sense of humor which I suspect is common among bajorans but I think it gets so much worse if she’s rescued but comes back hugely traumatized.

unpopular opinion

everyone needs to start having sito jaxa opinions so I can inevitably think so many of them are wrong

song i associate with them

ngl I still don’t have one and it’s Actively ruining my life!! but it’s fine.

favorite picture of them

I just found the first one on this. czech database of star trek characters? they have good pictures of her huge fan. also bonus worf jaxa friendship image bc I care them.

[square-blunt]

Even though you're never there I didn't feel you disappear.

WOOOOOOOOO I HAVE NOT SLEPT IN THREE DAYS LET'S FUCKING GO WITH A MUMZA & MR. TOMMY DANGER CAREFUL KRAKEN INNIT FIC WITH A THEMES OF REGRET AND CLOSURE WIHT A SPECIAL APPEARANCE FROM HAPPY GHOSTBUR AND FRIEND BC WILBUR SOOT CAN SUCK MY FUCKING DICK LETS FUCKING GO

Tw- a slight bit of a panic attack, but it doesn't last long at all, only a line or two, uh, death mention, Tommy's normal 'I love women' humor, I've taken the liberty to add some of my own hc about how this whole thing works and it's better than what ever Soot (derogatory) could come up with bc i say so. Wc: 4200 (lmfao 420 lol haha) AO3: here

-

Tommy regrets a lot of things. He doesn’t realize how much until he’s walking back from the hotel one cold, windy night. Nothing he would admit, oh no, he would never do that. It was only a way for people to target him more.

‘Talk less, smile more,’ Wilbur would say, ‘everything you say can be used by our enemies.’ And Tommy took that to heart… later than he should have. After Exile to be exact.

‘There’s a reason you never told Techno about what happened,’ Puffy had said, ‘you were scared he would use your trauma against you.’ And she was right… to a point. All this 'would say', 'had said', it didn’t matter to Tommy, it couldn't matter less because what’s done is done, what’s said is said, and who’s gone… is gone. Forever. There’s no point in fighting the unfightable. Battle, person, there was no point. The last time he reached to try and change anything he got killed- he was abandoned, again, and left to die. He knows his situation isn’t fair- Puffy’s told him so, Eret’s told him so, Ranboo’s told him so- but that doesn’t change the fact that it is. It is unfair that he can’t… have things, people. As soon as he makes something for himself, people try and take it away from him, as soon as he finds something that makes him happy they get snatched out of his hands, as soon as he finds people who are willing to help him, unapologetically, no strings attached, they are murdered in front of him. It isn’t fair, and no one else seems to see it. That’s something he regrets. Letting it get this bad. Because if all of this is happening to him, is being blamed on him, there must be something wrong, right? Ranboo doesn’t remember things, so maybe he did something awful and just… doesn’t remember. He burnt George’s house down, and if that warrants Dream’s abuse for months then he could have done anything to deserve everything else. To have almost everything and everyone he loves to be taken away from him time and time again. He couldn’t show emotion about it either, because he would be punished then, too. His best friend got blown up and he- he fucking- says something about how that’s not fair and then- he gets beat to death in a fucking box- for the crime of- fucking, what would that even count as, questioning the great Technoblade?

‘Oops- sorry- you enjoyed your music a little too much I’m going to kill your best friend and throw you in the prison for it, shouldn’t have done that, Tommy, c’mon now you now better-’ It was fucking ridiculous. He can’t understand why his consequences are so extreme compared to everyone else- Schlatt still got a grave for fuck’s sake! He has no fucking idea if anyone ever made him one- he knows Tubbo did, but Tommy and Tubbbo- Tubbo is the only one who actually gives to fucks about him at this point. Ranboo might be another, but with his memory shit, it’ll only be a matter of time before all he knows of Tommy is what other people tell him. Puffy’s only doing therapy for him because she feels guilty about losing Foolish, Eret, as much as he cares about her, is really only by his side because she feels she has a debt to pay, he’s the one following Wilbur around, fuck what Sam used to be to Tommy, Quackity was only going to get worse, Jack and Niki tried to fucking blow him up- anyone else who has unapologetically been by his side has been killed right in front of him. Everyone who has ever stood up for him has been killed in front of him or almost been killed in front of him- maybe that’s why. Maybe that’s why no one wants to be on his side because they’re afraid of the trouble he brings.

He’s a liability. They don’t want to die- so they’d rather let him die than risk anything.

He’s not a kid.

He’s something to avoid like the plague, and anyone who even remotely cared about him caught it. He feels tears sting his eyes. He hears a big gust of wind shake the trees before it whips around him- carrying a voice. A familiar voice. It whispers in his ear and settles in his mind, soft, like a blanket, he can hear it clear as day, asking if he needs anything, asking what his favorite thing in the world is, crying- crying out that he’s scared- asking with tears burning his face if it’ll be alright, ‘You promised I’d be ok!’

He regrets failing Ghostbur the most out of everything. He regrets not spending enough time with him, he regrets not telling him how much he meant to him- he sprints the rest of the way home. The digs through all his chests, his ender chest, not stopping until he finds-

“Blue, blue, blue, where is it- fuckin- please tell me I have some left, no- fuck where is it? What happened to it- please tell me- oh thank fuck- thank fuck-” After combing through the same two chests multiple times, he finally finds a few handfuls of blue left. Choking back a sob, he sees what's left of the clear turn blue and grow heavy in his hands. Ghostbur remarked that any blue he gave Tommy turned blue on contact, that it was odd, because it only happened with a few other people- Phil and Eret. People with towering regret. Phil must have regretted killing Wilbur… Eret, well, Tommy knows all too well their regret. Tommy was never able to place exactly what his regrets were.

He knows now that his regrets have only grown to encompass everything he knows.

Fuck, he feels so guilty about Ghostbur- it was Tommy's fault, wasn't it? He blamed Sam in the moment, but it really was… he was the one who told Ghostbur what to do- he was the one to use him to get into the prison in the first place. And he had to try and- calm him down- his fear still haunts Tommy's nightmares. Because he did promise. He did promise everything would be ok. But it wasn't, Tommy botched it, and Dream- Tommy had to watch- shit, it was his fault. Ghostbur is gone and there's nothing he can do to bring him back. He doesn't know anything about resurrection, and he- maybe- what if he agreed to let dream out if he got ghostbur back- no, no- no, no that's exactly what Dream wants. He wants Tommy to feel as though he's his only option. So Dream still has control. He… the last thing he wants for Ghostbur is to become a trading point. On the verge of tears, the blue changes in his hands. That never happened before- the blue changing. He looks down, and sees that the blue has turned into wool.

He hears a sheep bleat happily outside his door.

He scrambles up, moving faster than he has in a while, throwing his door open- he's not at his house. He's… not in the server even- what the hell-

It's still nighttime, but the stars are thousands of times brighter than he remembers. Instead of the prime path ahead of him, there's a quartz walkway spanning under tall birch and spruce trees; it seems that the stars are in the leaves, too. He looks behind him, hoping to hide back in his house- but it's not there. Instead, a quartz and mossy cobble archway, with more quartz pathing spilling out behind it. Tommy… might be stuck here. But he doesn't start to panic. He feels a strange kind of calm. Like this realm will let him out when his business is done. But he doesn't know what his business is.

He feels the weight leave his hands. He looks down- and the blue wool has turned clear. It's turned into delicate spindles of… something. Back to its original state. That has… never happened to Tommy before.

He looks past his hands, and the path lights up where his feet are. He jumps around a little, the light disappearing when his feet leave the path, and reappearing as they make contact again.

He laughs.

He dances around, his smile growing bigger.

The stars and the leaves seem to laugh with him.

"Hello, Tommy." a soft voice says behind him. A woman's voice.

Tommy stops, turning around, his grip tightening around the… well, it's not blue anymore, is it?

The woman is standing under the archway, tall, wearing black robes that flow around wings that are tucked neatly behind her, her long black hair almost seems a dark purple when it catches the light. To top it all off, she has a large black hat, similar to a witch’s hat, but Tommy understands that she doesn't want to hurt him. But he can never be too careful.

"Who- who the fuck are you?" Tommy says, defensively.

"Please, don't tell me that's how you greet every woman you come across?" She says, lightness in her voice and laughter in her eyes.

"Only the ones who trap me in weird- what is this place?" Tommy mutters, then asks.

"This is my home," she says clasping her hands together in front of her. "I figured you might need some closure."

"It's very pretty," Tommy murmurs again, looking down at his feet.

"Thank you, Tommy, I-"

"Wait, how do you know my name? I've never seen you before, and trust me, I would remember if I had met you." Tommy says, trying to lighten the small ball of worry in his chest. The woman laughs.

"Oh, you are exactly like my husband-"

"Oh no- You're married? Why?? A woman like you can't be tied down to just one man-"

"Tommy!" The woman laughs more.

"Augh- you're tall- you're so fucking tall and dark and mysterious- fucking hell you're tall- like I'm comfortable enough in my masculinity but still-" Tommy laughs, "and you're wearing all black- who's funeral are you going to?" he adds sarcastically. His face falls as her mood noticeably changes more somber.

"Everyone's- and no one's." she takes a few steps forward, and sighs. "My name is Kristin, Goddess of death."

"...what- i- how can- Wait a minute- oh fuck am I dead again- Wait a fucking minute where the hell were you the first three times I died- or for Tubbo- or for- Wilbur- Ghost- Ghostbur? Mexican Dream? Are they here? What do you fucking mean goddess of death? Is this the afterlife? Why the fuck didn't we go here-"

"Tommy, Tommy, I understand that you are.. allowed to ask questions, I called you here against your will- I will let you go back, I promise, and I'm going to try and answer all of your questions. Shall we walk?" She steps up, offering an arm.

Tommy is hesitant. If she… is actually the goddess of fucking death itself does he even have a choice? He nods and takes her arm. He immediately is filled with a cozy warmth- like drinking hot chocolate on a snowy day, finally getting in bed after working all night, a warmth that feels like home, like rest. Tommy muses if that's what a true, honest to prime death would feel like. When your joints finally stop aching, your breath stops rattling around your lungs.

His didn't feel like rest.

He wonders if he'll have a true death- he wonders if his joints will ever stop aching, because they do already. His breath rattles around in his lungs. Will he ever feel rested? With everything he's been through, with all the guilt he's got, probably not.

"Tommy-" Kristin begins to say,

"Are you an American? You sound-" Tommy tries to postpone the conversation he knows she's about to start

"Tommy-" she sighs, but he knows she's not mad.

"I know, I know, I use humor to cope with my trauma and to avoid talking about it, Puffy's told me this." Tommy quickly says. He feels something light brush his other arm- a feather, Kristin's put her wing around him.

"Puffy's smart, you should listen to her." Kristin nods. "But even Einstein didn't have all the answers-"

"Who?"

"-so you still should ask questions." She waves away his confusion with a motherly smile. "And you've asked plenty. And I have plenty of answers. So, one, no. You aren't dead. I simply realm hopped you to me. Any doorway can become a gateway, and it is quite easy to make one for someone like me. Something that I can't do, however, is help with pre-set death rules. Each timeline we make- just plain old 'live your life and die' got boring, so we shook it up. You all got canon lives, which… are completely not up to me. I do not get to decide which death is canon or not, and I don't get to even interact with your spirits until the third."

"Ok, then I wanna talk with the motherfucker who is in charge of those because I have a few words for them-"

"Tommy, trust me, you don't. While you are of great interest to them, and they do like you a lot, they are not going to budge on things. They are stubborn as hell- but they're a storyteller."

"Well, they're fucking stupid whoever they are."

"Although, something they- any of us really- didn't plan for was Dream having the revive book- or the revive book getting stolen from my husband in the first place. I can't tell you how many meetings I had to sit in to try and convince the others not to smite him off his earth- but that's a story for another time. Because of Dream knowing… the contents of that book, he was able to hold souls from coming to me, and he was able to place them wherever he liked. He didn't do Wilbur's soul correctly, however. His soul slipped through the cracks and got placed in… he called it limbo? That caused some issues for Dream that I'll tell you about later, but he messed up again, placing Mexican Dream in a limbo of his own, but those circumstances allowed me to save his soul from Dream-"

"Wait if you could save MD then why not-"

"Wilbur, like I said, slipped away from Dream and fell into his limbo. But, because Dream had no hand in actually directly placing Wilbur there, I wasn't able to save him. Not to mention, the manner of his death…. Nevertheless, I was able to save Mexican Dream from his limbo. In hindsight, I maybe shouldn't have, because Dream learned from that and you… you were placed somewhere I can't even access-"

"The void," Tommy whispers. He doesn't want to think about it, he shifts closer to Kristin, holding tighter to the fluff in his hand and onto Kristin's arm. She, in turn, holds him closer with her wing.

"There's an in-between life and death, and an in-between here and the limbos. Pockets of emptiness, waiting to be filled. More people find themselves there than you think, but even fewer who find their way out- you, and one of our own. There have been others, but your entire life has been different. Do you remember your life before the SMP?" she asks, softly. "You don't have to answer, but it's something to think about."

"I just want- Wilbur said that his limbo was awful. That he was there for thirteen years and that it was awful, and now because of me Ghostbur is there, too…" The black hole in his past is the last thing he wants to think about, so he changes the subject- guilt radiating off him.

"Remember the reason why I couldn't save Wilbur?" she asks, a twinkle in her voice.

"Because Dream didn't put him there- you can only save people who got put somewhere they weren't supposed to be?" Tommy looks up at her, hope tingling in his chest.

"Because Wilbur's soul fell… as naturally as it could have, Dream had to find a soul to replace Wilbur's with- with you, there was no need to find a soul to replace, because he had your soul in his hand, but for Wilbur, it was a… natural resurrection. With a missing soul, the entire continuum would collapse. So, he swapped Wilbur with Ghostbur. He placed Ghostbur somewhere he wasn't supposed to be. I was able to save him. Would you like to see him?" she smiles down at him.

"Wait he-" Tommy stops, his head spinning. Kristin stops too.

"He's safe. He's safe, and it's actually because of you. Because of that book- you can only place a soul in the void once. That was you. He had to put Ghostbur somewhere I could get him, or else his plan falls apart. Now… I can show you where Ghostbur is. But, I can't let him see you, or let you talk to each other. It's a precaution we have to take-"

"No, no, that's fine I just want to make sure he's- that he's- that I'm not-" Tommy shakes his head, trying to clear his mind, he feels like a vice has been released- one of many, but it's one. He takes a long shaky breath and nods his head. "I want to make sure that he's happy."

"Alright, come with me." She leads Tommy off the path and into the trees. Tommy hadn't lied when he said it was pretty. He has lighter steps now, and his smile is bigger than it was when he got here. They walk a little ways, Tommy sprinting when he hears the sound of familiar laughter, bright and carefree. He peeks out from behind a tree to see a clearing with a small house, mossy stone bricks, wood, and- and cobblestone. And, one semi-translucent ghost sitting behind a wall, in a garden of blue and yellow flowers, giggling. He's got a new sweater, still yellow, but there aren't any stains on it- blue or red. It's just… yellow. Pure yellow.

"I also pulled a few strings after that Skeppy incident," Kristin says, coming up behind Tommy, and Tommy perks up as he hears Ghostbur laugh again, this time a blue sheep running around the wall and up to Ghostbur.

"You found me! Good job, Friend!" Tommy hears Ghostbur say. Tommy feels a sting in his eyes, and then a hand on his back.

"You promise he's happy?" Tommy whispers.

"I swear," Kristan answers. Ghostbur stands and says something to the sheep, who bounds away. Ghostbur begins to count- backward from 10. Tommy doubles over, clutching his stomach.

"Tommy?" Kristin crouches down next to him, rubbing circles into his back.

"Counting down from 10 is not a good thing, I've decided," Tommy says, looking ahead, as Ghostbur laughs his wonderful laugh and disappears around the wall. His throat becomes dry, he doesn't want to cry in front of a goddess.

"It wasn't your fault." Kristin stands next to him, Tommy straightening up to meet her.

"Wasn't it?" he feels a tear run down his face, as he stares at the spot in that gates where Ghostbur was just moments ago.

"It was Dream's, as are so many others. Just because he punished you, doesn't mean it wasn't his fault, to begin with. Chances are, it was his fault more than anyone else's," Kristin says, her hand still running Tommy's back. He sniffles. "Are you ready to go?"

"No."

"I know, I'm sorry." Kristin's hand leaves his back, and it takes all his willpower to turn away from the small cottage and follow her. They make it back to the path, and she stops, "Oh, he gave this to me, but I don't really need it, so here. Have some blue."

That's when Tommy cries.

She's holding out a handful of light blue wool, he opens his left hand to show his one wool, now a dark blue. He reaches out, quickly, snatching it out of her hands, and he sobs out a sorry. The blue, once again, turns dark blue on contact. Then it turns clear- and then immediately turns dark blue again. It fluctuates between clear, and every shade of blue, as more and more tears fall from his face. He blocks out Kristin's words on habit- Wilbur would be telling him to suck it up by now. He tries to stop the tears, to stop sobbing, to regain composure, but he can't.

"I- I- I've- I'm a murd- I murdered pe- people- I'm not- a good p- person- why- did he tr- eat me like- I was- he treat- they tre- treated me like- like- like- like a human- when no- no one else- did- and- look at- look at where that got h- him-" Tommy turns his face into Kristin's side, and she hugs him close, closing her wings around him too. He holds the blue up to his face, letting the tears catch in it.

"Tommy, there's a reason they chose you. It's because they saw what you could be- who you could be. They wanted to help you. They knew, under all that doubt and hurt and regret was a boy who loved his friends. And they love you, too. I swear on it." She keeps rubbing circles into his back, letting Tommy cry. "I know all about sorrow, Tommy," she says, kind, "I understand that you will hurt. There's no bringing back who you lost, and it will hurt for as long as you live- but that hurt is proof that you care. It's proof that you are a good person. You are a good person."

Tommy breathes in a long shuddering breath, and lets it out, moving his arms to hug her back.

"Thank you, mom- oh wait I'm sorry-" Tommy pulls back, absolutely mortified at his slip-up, Kristin just laughs- not at Tommy, no, no, it's happy… motherly.

"No, Tommy, I can be your mother if you'd like!" She smiles.

"Yeah, because Puffy is kinda my dad because Phil didn't really do a good job." Tommy looks down at his feet.

"Oh, of course, I think my husband would be fine with adopting another kid. Although, considering what happened to the first one- I'm kidding, I'm kidding, he could have turned out worse," Kristin laughs, holding Tommy’s face and wiping away the tear marks.

"Wait- wasn't I flirting with you a few minutes ago-" Tommy smiles, laughing too.

"Oh my-"

"Welp, you're still my mother now- that makes you a milf, you're welcome!" Tommy doesn't mean anything by it, of course, he's just pointing it out.

"Tommy!!" Kristin laughs harder, and Tommy's smile grows bigger. "We should get you back anyways, you need some sleep."

"But moooooooom-" Tommy complains, joking, of course.

"Now, now, Tommy, I am your mother, I know what's best," Kristin says, picking up the bit.

"My stomach hurts, do I have to go to school tomorrow?" Tommy jokes, walking back towards the archway.

"Oh dear," Kristin tsks, walking next to him, putting the back of her hand up to his forehead, "You don't seem to have a fever at the moment, we'll see how you feel in the morning."

They laugh and joke around until they reach the portal, and she reaches up to pluck a feather from her hat and hand it to Tommy.

"A token for my son. Something you can flaunt around. Also- can you do me a favor?" Kristen smiles.

"Oh, of course!" Tommy gingerly takes the feather and spins it around in his fingers.

"When you get back, can you just tell my husband I said hi? He'll see it." She looks through the empty portal longingly, and Tommy wonders who this husband is.

"If he ever hurts you I'll kill him, " He says, completely serious.

Kristin laughs, "I know you will, Tommy, I know you will. Thank you." She snaps her fingers and the archway leads into his house. She ruffles his hair, and Tommy playfully swats her hand away. "I'll see you again, be safe, ok?"

"I will. Tell Ghostbur, if you can, that…. Tell him that I'm sorry, and that I miss him?" He says, one foot through the gateway, before stopping and looking back.

"I will. Good luck, Tommy.” She smiles, and Tommy can’t help but smile back. He steps through the portal, and looks back one last time- and it’s gone. He sees those oak doors, the prime path outside, he hears Shroud above him. His smile stays.

/msg all: Hey, Kristin’s husband? She says hi.

He laughs.

/msg all: She also adopted me so I’m your son now, good luck L kekw

With that, he closes his communicator and lets the chaos ensue. He spins the feather in one hand and holds the blue- back in its original... substance? He opens his ender chest, placing the blue somewhere he knows he’ll find it, and lays the feather next to his discs.

“Thank you. I’ll do you proud.”

[tfw-no-tennis]

animorphssss.....2!

ok one L abt reading the series on my ereader is that the flipbook illustrations arent there ;_; those were my favvvvv

anyways I love animorphs still

I feel like I'll end up repeating myself a lot during these little liveblogs lmao but mannnn it’s so good. its so hardcore. like I know that that’s the whole Thing but I still get shocked by some of the stuff that happens 

like a big theme in the series centers around the morality of killing your enemies - and it’s so all over the place bc in book 6 you have jake boiling a bunch of yeerks alive, which is kinda gnarly if you think abt it, but the alternative would be to leave them there and let them infest people soo...? and that’s basically the point, that there are never any easy choices in war 

also I went on the animorphs wiki to look at trivia bc I love doing that and I cant BELIEVE (some of) the books were reissued in 2011 and they changed/removed some of the references to be more ‘modern’ omfg....talk about erasing 90s culture smh 

likeeee I was born in 97 so I didn't exactly grow up in the 90s and therefore some of the references go over my head but its so charming and fun to have them there! and it makes sense given that the books are SET in the 90s

I don't remember ever being confused by any of the references as a kid (tho for sure a lot of them went over my head), but then again I read the books in like 2008 sooo

also some of the stuff that they change - like changing ‘recorded w/a vcr’ to ‘recorded w/the TV’ or ‘floppy disc’ to ‘flash drive’ may make more sense to modern audiences, but doesn't make sense in the context of the story still being set in the 90s

tho it is funny that the books use the phrase ‘hook up’ to mean ‘meet up’ a lot bc that is a phrase that definitely has a different meaning nowadays

alsooooo as it turns out I'm p sure I only read a couple of the spinoffs - the hork-bajir chronicles and the ellimist chronicles (which was confusing lmao), bc my library didn’t have the others :( 2007/2008 woes....

but now I get to read the spinoffs woooooooo so I read the first megamorphs and the andalite chronicles 

I'm reading them in the chronological order (I think?) which is good bc part of the problem was that I read the ellimist book at a completely weird time and it confused me more lmao

megamorphs 1 basically felt like a regular animorphs book except longer, but the plot didn't feel like it needed all that extra page space tbh? even so it was an entertaining adventure

and rachel having amnesia was great, amnesia is one of my fav tropes lmao. and it was a lot of fun here, though a bit underutilized 

another favorite trope of mine is time travel, so I'm gonna have a really fun time here w/that

as for the andalite chronicles, I really enjoyed that one. I thought it was a well done story about the horrors of war (which is a theme animorphs does excellently), kind of similar to the overarching story of the whole series, but fit into one book without feeling rushed

the way the story starts out with elfangor wanting to be a hero, not understanding what that entails, to the end where he IS going to be a hero, and he knows now that this is a burden rather than a reward 

the horror elements are also really strong, with the taxxon morph being horrifying of course

and mannnn I loved that we got to see more of the taxxons as a species, and see that not all taxxons submitted to the yeerks - which breaks the previous theme of ‘all the taxxons are evil just because’ 

this book also establishes that the taxxons gave themselves over to the yeerks due to their constant hunger being unbearable, so it isn’t just that they’re evil for fun 

animorphs does such an excellent job showing that each ‘side’ of a war will have good and bad (or at least sympathetic and unsympathetic) people 

also loren was awesome, what a cool character. though I didn't realize she was literally like 13 until the very end of the book, holy shit. that's crazy. i thought she was 16 at the youngest....geez. her throwing a rock at visser 3 is even more iconic knowing she's a middle schooler at the time

and chapman was here! I'm assuming this must be the same chapman as the assistant principal controller... I thought it was a little strange to put chapman in that role, bc in this book he was a huge asshole basically the entire time, but in the previous (’future’) book it was revealed that he became a controller willingly only to spare his daughter, which is pretty far from this book where he’s actively trying to sell humanity out to the yeerks...people change I guess? (also he got his memory erased so I guess there's that)

alloran was a really interesting character. horrors of war again - we hear from his old buddy that he used to be a fun, witty guy, but war changed him into somebody who would do horrible things 

and him becoming a controller was horrifying, obviously, but I like that alloran wasn't portrayed as some perfect, holy guy in order to make it all the more tragic when he got infested. its already fucked up enough as it is, and making him flawed was a lot more meaningful 

and him wanting to flush all the yeerks out into space....oooooof the (later) parallels hurt 

plus the fact that elfangor refusing to commit genocide against the helpless yeerks (even though they’re the enemy) directly contributing to alloran becoming a controller.....oof. I love that it shows that even making the morally correct decisions during war can lead to awful things happening, but not in a way that endorses evil actions - the story isn’t saying that elfangor should have killed the yeerks, it’s saying that there are no good choices in war 

arbron being trapped as a taxxon was fucked up. but also really intriguing, especially how he found purpose and led a free taxxon uprising. I don't remember if we hear from him/the free taxxons again but I hope so

also the plot twist of tobias being elfangors SON...bruh. I do remember that despite not having read this book so it must come up in the main story later but my memory of that is vauge so I’m excited to see how that plays out. it’s always gonna be hilarious to me that ax is technically tobias’s uncle 

and then the ellimist drops in and wacks up the time stream even more. classic. I love the crazy time travel stuff in animorphs

omfg and the bits where elfangor is a human tech guy and talked about his friends bill and steve LMAOOOOO

also the scene where elfangor drives the yellow mustang while blasting '(I cant get no) satisfaction’ by the rolling stones was one of the most iconic things I've ever read

basically I loved all the angles of war fucking people up. from loren’s dad, to alloran, to elfangor himself learning about the true horrors of war...v well done imo

ok back to the main series - so my pick for the most fucked up scene SO FAR (in my own personal opinion) - the scene where they're in the jungle and rachel passes out in bear morph and a bunch of rainforest ants start EATING HER ALIVE and like crawling into her ears and mouth and HGGGGGG that was genuinely so fucking disturbing

its a good thing that the time travel made it so rachel couldn't remember that bc that was fuuuuucked

another contender is a scene we don't actually see - erek having his capacity for violence instated and then slaughtering a ton of human and hork-bajir controllers 

like damn, you know its fucked up when its too fucked up for ANIMORPHS to even ‘show.’ this is a series that doesn't pull punches but evidentially that would've been Too Much to actually portray (understandably). also i feel like seeing the aftermath/everyone’s reactions had more of an impact than describing erek killing a bunch of people would have

also I forgot that marco Literally Fucking Dies during that scene and that's why he doesn't get to see the slaughter. wow

and then in the very next book JAKE dies too. jesus

oh it was also so sad and fucked up when marco’s dad told him that he and his wife used to fight sometimes, but then all of a sudden they stopped fighting, and their relationship was basically entirely peaceful and perfect - and this is how marco knows exactly when his mom was made into a controller, bc of course a yeerk wouldn't care enough to get into petty arguments like that....ooooof

Okay and book 15 really got me...that was fucking heavy man. Geeeez. Everything w/Marco and his mom is so fucked uppppp

Like he literally has to deal with so much awful traumatizing shit. The scene where he pretends to be a controller and is face to face w/visser one and THAT HIS MOM but he can’t even do anything, and he just sees the evil in her eyes and thinks about how there’s no way she had been controlled by a yeerk that long before bc he’s never seen her look like that...that was so fucking sad.

Plus Marcos mom now thinking that Marco is a controller...aughh...and then later Marco knows he can’t even think-speak to her bc he’ll just talk about everything he’s wanted to talk about to his mom this whole time... ;_;

And the parts where Marcos humor slips and the utter rage he feels towards the situation comes through...man

Plus everything about him being understandably afraid of sharks after being nearly torn in half by one back during their first dolphin adventure

Augh oh and jake telling Marco that everyone can tell something is up bc Marco isn’t joking around and talking about how insane their plan is like usual, so Marco fakes it sand does all that even tho he’s terrified and conflicted...aughhhh

Ok and the last scene where Marco is thinking about a future where he and his parents can talk plainly about how awful and traumatizing everything is, and then eventually they’ll feel okay enough to joke about it, bc Marcos mom is the one who taught him to look at the funny side of life...Oh The Pain

There were a lot of great fucked up individual lines in this book too. I’m just so sad about these poor middle schoolers jfc

Also I do distinctly remember the scene where they collapse the shark tank at Ocean World or w/e, it was weird af reading it bc I remembered none of the rest of the book but got weird deja vu reading that scene and remembering having read it like 13+ years ago

if it’s not clear by now I have a pretty terrible memory for media which is honestly good bc then I can reread things and it’s like new

Also jake...man...I said it previously but I was kinda eh about jake when I first read these bc he’s kinda the ‘basic’ character, but now I find his story much more interesting

His conflict over being leader is really good. KAA does a fantastic job capturing the pressure he’s under bc he was chosen by his friends to be the leader, so he REALLY can’t back out, and he doesn’t necessarily feel up to it, but feels he has no choice in the matter...

And constantly having to make really difficult decisions that could get his friends killed...geez. It’s so much pressure. And he talks about wanting to go back to being a normal kid when this is all over, and it kinda strikes me as him being in denial - like, there’s no way things can ever be ‘normal’ again, but that’s his way of coping.

Especially with Tom and all that. That conflict is so compelling...jake having to play all these different roles - as leader, as a son/student, as a regular brother to Tom - he’s constantly having to act a certain way and rarely gets to be Himself

It’s actually kinda relatable in a way - that feeling of being In Charge, but in a somewhat abstract and informal way, so you feel like regular old you, but you have to carefully regulate how you act bc the people around you expect a certain standard of behavior from you...

And all the morally grey situations they’re put in are fucked up, but especially for jake who has the final say on what they do, even when knowing it could lead to his friends being killed or made into controllers

Like in the book with the cannibal yeerk guy - there’s basically no good choices there. Jake lets the cannibal live, and (at first) implies that it’s for the best that he’s cannibalizing other yeerks and therefore helping get rid of some yeerks - except that he kills their hosts too

but the alternative would be to directly kill another human being who isn't actively fighting/resisting you, which is a fucked up thing for a middle schooler to have to do 

And the conflict between jake and Cassie is really excellent bc jake has to make these awful decisions, and Cassie is the type of person who can’t stand that sort of thing, so it gets left up to jake a lot, but then she’s upset with jake for doing something awful, even while knowing that there were no better options

like, her asking jake to kill the cannibal guy for her was really fucked up, but also entirely understandable for cassie as a character to ask. it was an emotionally charged situation, and cassie is an emotional person. she’s also somebody who like to Act, to do concrete good, and getting rid of an Evil Bad Guy in front of her would be a definite action

But Cassie is a great source of morality to the group - most of them are pretty jaded, but Cassie is able to hope in a way none of the rest are. It creates a really compelling dynamic between jake and Cassie that I kinda dismissed when I was like 10 or w/e

Also the scene where jake as a fly gets crushed and starts dying? Seriously fucked. And then after when he’s nearly breaking down in the airport and Cassie comforts him...that was a really good scene. Cassie is so good  

And the continuity is so excellent - I love how in book 17, Cassie (and jake to an extent) doesn’t really weigh in on the moral debate abt the oatmeal bc she’s still shaken up by asking jake to murder a guy for her, and then (presumably) going ahead and lighting his house on fire when jake doesn’t kill him

And augh jake and Marco have such a good and interesting dynamic - the entire group kinda pushes each other into their respective ‘roles’ in the group, but for a few books that’s really true for jake and marco

I don't remember what book it was but at some point marco (I think) mentions that jake understands what marco is dealing with w/his mom being a controller bc of tom, but that they don’t talk about it bc they ‘don't talk about stuff like that’ or something and I'm just like noooo talk to each other :( 

but at this point jake feels like he can’t really express doubt and fear and stuff like that bc he’s the Leader and they look to him to be strong (which is ironically very similar to how rachel feels), and marco feels like he can’t be serious bc he’s the funny guy. 

Basically I love all the different dynamics in the group. How Cassie and Rachel are such opposites but are best friends and get along well, while Marco and Cassie are more directly opposed - as jake says, Marco is ruthless, and Cassie definitely isn’t. Rachel and Marco are also pretty different which is interesting, bc they have a lot in common, and actually agree on a lot (even if they disagree out loud) but their commonalities combined with their circumstances make them react very differently to the same situations

I also love seeing the differences between characters from each other’s POV - like, p much all the characters think that Rachel is completely fearless, but when the book is from her POV, we get to see that that isn’t true at all - she feels plenty of fear, but she recognizes that her role in the group is to be the fearless one, so she pushes aside her fear to fit into that role (which inadvertently pushes her more and more into that ‘fearless warrior’ box - something that happens to all the characters more and more as the story goes on, like jake as ‘the leader’ and Marco as ‘the jokester’).

Also I loooove the grey morality of literally everything. Like the book where ax discovers an andalite traitor - not a controller, just an andalite who betrayed them to the yeerks. This leads to the deaths of like a hundred other andalites, and that whole scene you really just feel for ax, bc he feels so awful about everyone else dying while he escapes, yet he’s also so grateful to be alive, which he in turn feels bad about...

And ax’s conflict about being torn between his home w/his fellow andalites and his new home on earth w/his friends is great

And oh man I fucking love book 19. Any of the books where it goes more into the yeerks and their side of things are so good, just like the book where jake was made into a controller.

And book 19, where we meet a sympathetic yeerk, comes right after 18, where we meet an andalite traitor - again, I love how we clearly see that no one side is completely good or completely bad

So yeah book 19 fucking slapped. That shit was so compelling. I love how Cassie made a bunch of foolish decisions based on naïve hope, but it worked out!! Things aren’t always bleak and awful!

Except there were plenty bleak and awful parts of this book. It had a great balance of moods tbh, even though a lot of the situations were extremely contrived lmao. I love the stuff that aftran says, which is basically what I was thinking when I started my reread - being a yeerk fucking sucks, you’re literally a blind slug but also completely and fully sentient, on the same level as humans and andalites - and as afran pointed out this book, the yeerks are born as parasites, just as humans are born as predators - why is it okay for the humans to kill countless animals to eat, but not for the yeerks to enslave races to act as hosts? Well, the situation isn’t totally comparable, which Cassie and Marco both point out when aftran makes that comparison - the yeerks are enslaving sentient species, and cows and chickens are not the same as the humans and hork-bajir (though the story understandably doesn’t fall too deeply into the ‘who deserves what right/animal sentience’ rabbit hole).

And I like that aftran points out that the yeerks basically have 2 options currently - stay helpless and blind in a yeerk pool, or enslave a host. It’s interesting to hear that a lot of yeerks don’t like doing this but see it as the only options, as opposed to complete sensory deprivation. It makes me wonder if there are yeerks who are so staunchly against it that they elect to stay as pool-bound slugs forever

Also maybe it’s the shounen anime fan in me but I don’t even care that much that Cassie’s entire plan was completely off the rails and hinged on only the slightest chance of success - with failure being much more likely and completely catastrophic, with the animorphs and their loved ones all being wiped out, vs success being unlikely and also achieving...a moral victory? Peace between two enemy combatants in a huge war? nothing all that concrete...anyways it was a bunch of good-faith horrible decisions on Cassie’s part, but I don’t even care? I love stories where hope and love save the day against all odds, especially when they’re wielded like weapons by a character and make everything end nicely

This is especially true here bc animorphs is generally a series that leans very far away from that type of thing, so when it does happen, it feels like a victory. Plus the David trilogy is next so we kinda need a happy ending while we can

also bc I compared animorphs to hxh last time, I now have to compare it to the other series I've (partially) liveblogged, transformers mtmte.

this is gonna be more abstract and brief but basically. mtmte is all about after the war, and everyone has so much trauma and everything just sucks, so they all go on a space cruise and work on themselves. basically.

but the series does a lot of exploration of how war fucks people up - same as animorphs, tho animorphs spans the beginning of the war (for the main characters at least) until the end, whereas mtmte starts when the war ends.

but the point is. both series do an excellent job showcasing the wide range of reactions people have to being put in unthinkable situations during wartime. all the major characters in mtmte go through arcs where they heal/change from the war, some more subtle than others

basically the animorphs needs to go on a wacky space cruise adventure with a bunch of other fucked up people and figure their shit out, mtmte style

ok this is wicked long already so I’m gonna end it here. also I feel like I should start the next liveblog w/the david triology bc I’m for sure gonna have a lot to say abt that

[jackkearns]

Okay so. Long rant/rambling about TRoS. Spoilers below, you’ve been warned. Posting this on a side blog and reblogging it so it won’t be “uncut” on mobile dashes.

The first... Fifteen minutes of ROS was... Too fast. There was a LOT going on that had no explanation.

Light speed skipping. That made no sense and was a little over the top. An icy outpost with contacts with no names getting information through unmentioned communication lines. Conversation with this Unnamed character that insinuated he was important, especially since we later see his HEAD in Kylo's grasp. Or was it a Knight of Ren, idk bc things went that fast.

LOVED the interaction between Rey Finn and Poe. They argued like a married trio though the whole movie and it was amazing. There was also a LOT of jealousy from Poe every time Finn tried mentioning his feelings for Rey. (Seriously, Poe was more concerned about cosmetic damage to BB8 than he was about the Falcon LITERALLY BEING ON FIRE and I just. Oh, Poe.) The group hug at the end just sealed the OT3 for me, end of story.

There was Force healing and I was excited to see that. Then... It got overused to the point of being a deus ex machina.

The Unknown Regions were mentioned and the path to the Sith world was full of solar storms and black holes and electrical flares and there was no mention of how canonly, that path was mapped by Thrawn, but OKAY,THAT'S FINE.

I was honestly scared to death when Hux was all "I'm the mole," because I was afraid they were making him run like a coward, but no, thankfully, he was being a Petty shit trying to sabotage Ren which is so ic for him.

His death, just a point blank, off handed shot to the chest and him sprawling on the deck of the Finaliser and being completely shrugged off was.... Disappointing. Very disappointing. His character had been played up as this ruthless, cruel and calculating battle tactician and he was made a joke in tlj and RoS. He was a fascist asshole and despite what people say, it wasn't Kylo who destroyed worlds and killed all those people, it was Hux, and it completely undermined how dangerous people like him ARE and I felt his death should have had more substance to address what he'd done and who he was.  

He's a villain, a war criminal, and he should have had more weight, been held accountable, idk, it was just utterly dismissive and HONESTLY I feel bad for Domnhall. Now I know why he didn't want to do any press at all about RoS. You could tell he really enjoyed playing Hux in TFA and I bet that kind of stung.

ANYWAY.

Leia’s death just... it felt detached? There was little to no build up to her death, and then she was just... gone. It didn’t really affect me until I saw Chewie’s reaction, and then it felt like I’d been punched in the GUT and couldn’t breathe for a hot minute.

Was REALLY amused Rey just took Kylo’s ship and bailed. “Thanks for the battle, taking your shit and leaving you here.”

When I heard Han say “Hey kid,” I felt my heart break a little bit, and that moment of Kylo saying the same line to Han- and ACTUALLY THROWING HIS SABER AWAY....

Which brings me to Daisy and Adam’s acting????? JUST?????

The DIFFERENCE in their faces when playing Rey Palpatine/Kylo Ren, and Just Rey/Ben Solo was INCREDIBLE. Their posture, their expressions, the set of their faces, the way they held themselves, was AMAZING. Daisy’s face went so HARD and COLD like a diamond, and Adam’s went so SOFT and OPEN and it was INCREDIBLE, AUGH

I am mad Rose was sidegated. Mad that there wasn’t more to Jannah. Mad that there wasn’t more of the Ghost or even a VOICE cameo of Hera.

LUKE LIFTING THE XWING OUT OF THE WATER MADE ME CRY.

I AM SO MAD AND UPSET OVER SNAP’S DEATH. WEDGE WAS THERE, MY FLYBOY WAS THERE AND HE HEARD HIS STEPSON DIE OVER THE COMMS AND I CANNOT FATHOM WHAT THAT MUST HAVE DONE TO HIM AND I AM STILL UPSET OVER IT.

Force Sensitive Finn. I love it, I knew it, so happy it’s canon, now I need a million fics of Rey helping him train and building a lightsaber with him.

I am not even touching the fuckery that was Sheev having a secret love child because the connotations are not pleasant.

I don’t understand why he didn’t possess Rey after she killed him, maybe it was because she had a Mass Cameo Moment with All the Jedi and reflected his lightning back him and made his powers Null and Void?

The lightning was cool af, even if it was More Extra than Necessary.

The Snoke Jar didn’t explain what Snoke was, who the template was- was it Sheev? Was it a random person? Hell, it could have been Ezra for all we know. It also didn’t explain why he was so easy for Kylo to kill.

Also, how did Hux keep hiding shit from Kylo? How did Kylo hide his plans from Sheev? Why is it the mind reading is very situational? I get Kylo maybe being able to shield his thoughts, but Hux? For three movies straight? And only his Petty Ass Behaviour getting him caught by Pryde and not Kylo? JJ/RIAN EXPLAIN.

The Star Destroyers/Sith Destroyers were pornographic. I said it. The scene with the fleet rising gave me a boner, y’all know I have a Thing for Star Destroyers, and there was a whole gorram ATMOSPHERE FULL OF THEM.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO A HAPPY POINT.

FINALLY. FINALLY. SHIP PHYSICS WERE ACCOUNTED FOR IN THIS MOVIE.

Ren brings the Finaliser into atmo and there are effects felt on the ground from the ship. The Falcon gets too close to the Finaliser and it affects the troopers in the hangar bay.

THE STAR DESTROYERS WERE AFFECTED BY BEING IN ATMO AND NEEDED TIME TO BRING UP THEIR SHIELDS.

I SORT of was all “...what” at their lack of navigation, but THEN AGAIN- when your viewport is full of nothing but the ships above, beside, in front and behind you, yeah, you need some synchronised navigation going on from a command ship.

(Am I STILL mad about the Star Destroyer above a city having no effect, but a Lambda taking off shot people all over the walkways in Rogue One? YES, YES I AM, ROGUE ONE SAID “FUCK SHIP PHYSICS, WE DO WHAT WE WANT, INCLUDING JUMPING TO HYPERSPACE WHILE STILL IN ATMO, LET ALONE THE GRAV SHADOW OF A PLANET” AUGH FUCK YOU)

The line “That’s not a Navy, that’s people.” So good. So. GOOD.

The scene with The Not Navy- GOOD. SO GOOD. (Though it’s like... how did Lando get ALL THOSE PEOPLE when LEIA didn’t?? RUDE)

BEN SHOOTING HIS BLASTER BLINDLY BEHIND HIM LIKE HAN MADE ME SQUEAK, I NEEDED THAT AND NOW I JUST WANT A MILLION AU FICS OF BEN AS A FORCE SENSITIVE SMUGGLER AUGH.

The Rey/Ben(Kylo? I think he was Ben at this point?) kiss was uh. I didn’t like it. And not because I don’t ship Reylo? (Because I HONESTLY do NOT mind Rey/Ben Solo- it’s Rey/Kylo Ren that I’m eeeeehhh about) but because it was generally just... awkward and Ben just “Aight, I’ma fade out” right after just made it more awkward??? IDEK.

All in all, I didn’t think it was BAD. It was an okay Star Wars movie. It is NOT my favourite- but it was not BAD.

It just felt like it was rushed, that some crucial content was cut in order to keep the plot goingandgoingcan’tstopgoing, and it honestly felt like the three movies was a passive aggressive pissing match between JJ and Rian.

LOT of amazing parts, a LOT of wtf parts, a LOT of disjointed plot points. Enjoyed it, but much could be done/handled better to have made it a more poignant ending to the saga.

[lizardrosen]

Andrew Scott Hamlet (2017)

I'm finally watching the Andrew Scott Hamlet and it's so good!

This post is mostly a liveblog I did on twitter, but edited for reading clarity, and with a few notes I took that I didn’t talk about in my posts.

the watchtower scene is in a security guard room filled with screens, and the ghost makes the camera short out

Andrew Scott is just. a perfect hamlet - AUGH, his bitter laugh at “unmanly grief”. He stays inside while everyone else is dancing on the balcony outside, and sits on his suitcase in the dark. He’s a good sad boy.

and he's FRIENDS with both laertes and ophelia - he and laertes share a genuinely friendly hug before laertes leaves, and then it’s so clear how much ophelia and hamet care for each other, and she holds him as he cries, and cheers him up.

Polonius is a Good Dad, and while most of his advice is stuff he's said hundreds of times before, "this above all..." isn't rehearsed, he really just wants to say what he means to a child he loves dearly

oh cool, i'm loving how they rearranged and merged the scenes here!

Hamlet's "too too solid flesh" merges into him kissing ophelia and hiding behind the couch while laertes and polonius tell her not to trust him, and then he speaks with horatio, and they just miss r&g - he hasn't gone to see the ghost yet, so he hasn't put on an antic disposition, which means claudius was already planning to keep him in line before he gave any cause for it, and I just love how shifting a few scenes changes everything so dramatically.

Hamlet and the ghost: - horatio is so frantic for his friend's safety! but then Hamlet runs to find the ghost anyway. hamlet reaches out hesitantly to touch his father's face and they CLING to each other, then "pity me not." the ghost speaks of his death super fast, as if afraid to dwell on it, then slows as he charges hamlet "taint not thy mind, nor let thy soul proceed against thy mother." But then two minutes after being told not to blame his mother Hamlet goes "o pernicious woman" he's not very good at following directions. and then, poor baby, he picks up the gun and uses it to follow claudius as he walks down a hallway on the security footage.

a very well structured scene!

polonius gave laertes a watch as a parting gift, and then after hamlet makes horatio and marcellus swear, he gets engrossed by his own watch in a way that feels dangerous, and then goes "the time is out of joint" this is a GOOD parallel and i hope it comes up again because DAMN!

Up to Me, by Bob Dylan is just. the perfect song for the transition to act two, i can't handle how well it works with the action on stage - hamlet walking off sadly, then claudius and gertrude being flirty and cute, then hamlet kissing ophelia in the bath and perusing her face

Oh man, Polonius forgetting what he has to say when speaking to Reynaldo is a moment of such stillness and silence that it’s one of the most tense and compelling things I’ve every seen. I was half convinced he was going to have a stroke right there, or that his heart would be what actually killed him in the closet scene later.

When Ophelia tells him about Hamlet charging into her room, he’s super wrong, of course, but he cares for his dauther truly. She deflates when he says “the very ecstasy of love” though, because it’s clear she won’t get any real help there.

ooh, they put To Be or Not to Be before polonius talks to him, not before the nunnery scene. interesting! It’s a fairly common visual trope for Hamlet to be barefoot at around this point in the play, but it’s always fun to see.

Polonius has a mic on him so Claudius and Gertrude can hear their conversation, and all of his asides are whispered into it, a fact Hamlet clearly KNOWS, because “Except my life” is said while mockingly lifting the collar of his teeshirt and whispering into it.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are perfect here, omg!!! Guil is a black woman, and Ros a tallish man, and you can tell all three were good friends. when Guil finally has to say "my lord, we were sent for" you can see on both their faces that this play just became a TRAGEDY. "o what a piece of work is man" isn't a show this hamlet is putting on, he's baring his soul, and ros and guil are literally CRYING for and with him, because they can clearly see how he’s changed. but because they know they have split loyalties they can't come closer to him to comfort him. poor babies! rosencrantz is very proud that he was able to save them by bringing up the Players, and behind hamlet's back, guildenstern mouths "tragedians" and gives him an approving nod when he gets it right. i love them so much, and they're up there with gary oldman and tim roth!

The Player is the same actor as King Hamlet, I’ve never seen that specific double casting, but it’s so perfect! Poor Hamlet trying his best to remember his speech — he’s trying his best and the actual players are very patient with him.

the middle of "O what a rogue and peasant slave" is the first moment when you can visibly see Hamlet lose it, instead of sinking into depression or twisting his own and other's words like he had been up to now, but then he pulls back suddenly and goes "why what an ass am I"

"He asked no questions, and was of our demands most free in his reply." ROSENCRANTZ, you LIAR! 27-3 and you think he might have had the edge?? But as he says this he puts his hand on Guil's shoulder to make sure she'll also keep to that story.

hey ouch, this was one of the most painful nunnery scenes i've ever seen! she's all dressed up for him, but so scared, but she rolls her eyes at the book Polonius has her read. they get a few moments to be cute together before they break up for good and they're just crying, and they KNOW they're being watched. then he laughs at the favors and just drops them on the ground before he walks away, and after she gathers them up and starts to go, he comes in through a different door to kiss her violently and throw water on her face, and everything just HURTS. (the water has a daisy in it!)

Polonius briefly checks that she’s okay but then goes back to talking to Claudius about sending  Hamlet to England. Meanwhile, in the background, she’s become fascinated by the daisy. She flinches away from everyone’s touch and stares at nothing, and I really like the clear progression in her, that her later breakdown isn’t just a reaction to one single shocking event, it’s all the slings and arrows that have been aimed at her throughout the play and her whole life.

ALERT, ALERT, HE'S PLAYING WITH HIS WATCH WHILE HE TELLS HORATIO HOW MUCH HE LOVES HIM!!!

(he also says Horatio is "not a pipe for fortune's finger to sound what stops you please," which is a line that's often left out, so i'd forgotten that metaphor was already on his mind)

the rest of the court enters through the auditorium, and sit in the front row to watch the show! and i only just now realized that when hamlet says "and my father died within these two hours" he's speaking ~madness~ but ALSO talking about the length of the play he's in.

The dumbshow is to the tune of One Too Many Mornings by Bob Dylan again, and shows papa hamlet's gonzago’s entire courtship with his wife, and them raising hamlet together and seeing him off to college, which then leads directly into the dialogue part of the play! it's SO GOOD.

The Lucianus monologue is very good, and then Claudius just walks out grimly, and it's presumably the intermission bc the screen goes staticky.

there's been a conceit of a camera following characters around and the image shows up on two sets of screens above the stage, so we get to see the play within the play AND hamlet et al's reaction to it at the same time.

Hamlet talks very fast and impatiently to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern as they try to tell him to visit his mother, and they’re trying SO HARD to connect with him. Interesting that the “My lord, you once did love me” line is given to Guildenstern, but it makes sense for how these characters have been played so far. I’m not at all worried that they did that to make the play straighter, because they do not shy away from the homoerotic subtext. And he pauses and really seems to think about his answer before saying “I do still, by these pickers and stealers.” And the recorder scene is just sad on both sides, everything is SAD

oh DAMN, claudius watches hamlet come into the room with a gun and then does his "O my offense is rank, it smells to heaven" speech, and seems to forget his audience as he tries to pray, and right after hamlet decides not to kill him yet, he stands and smirks and tells him "words without thoughts never to heaven go" and stands with his arms open, DARING hamlet to actually kill him. the last thing we see is his fingers trying to get a grip on the handle, and then a blackout.

if you don't know this play you might think he does it now.

when ros & guil find him he's wiping his bloody hands on polonius's shirt, and during the sponge bit he wrings it out so it drips on the floor. andrew scott is so gooood at this role but also legitimately scary.

and he's been playing with his watch more and more as everything gets more dire, i love this detail a whole bunch.

after hamlet calls claudius his mother, he hugs him and claudius reluctantly returns the embrace. for a brief moment hamlet seems to be seeking comfort here, and then he sniffles and breaks away. "To England" he says as he goes, mocking the accent.

so. ophelia. she's wheeled in strapped into a wheelchair, presumably at a psych facility. mostly she's turned inwards and singing softly, except when she hits her head and screams as if to say "you hurt me and ignored me, but you can't ignore the hurt you make me do to myself." and like. i get it, and i'm mostly glad that it's not the same version of mad ophelia you tend to see, where she's all over the stage and ripping her clothes, but still. it feels icky and ableist and like. fear tactics? shock factor? something like that.

laertes comes in looking truly unhinged -- actually gets gertrude kneeling on the ground with a gun at her temple, before claudius calms him down, and he's jumpy in a way that mirrors hamlet right after killing polonius. poor horatio is the first to come in and gets a gun pointed at him for his it. no one deserves any of what’s happening to them!

but laertes stills entirely when he sees ophelia. ouch.

flowers!

rosemary - the nurse who wheeled her chair

pansies - claudius

fennel and columbine - claudius's security guard

rue - gertrude

she drops the daisy on the ground and turns to laertes to apologize about the violets.

when claudius goes "where the offense is, let the great axe fall" gertrude looks at him sharply because THAT wasn't part of the plan, and he brushes her off with "I pray you"

the Bad Quarto scene with her and horatio is in here, and makes a LOT of sense given that interaction.

gertrude is in the doorway, unseen, as claudius tells laertes the only reason hamlet's not dead is because gertrude loves him so much. and then she's CLEARLY watching for his response when the messenger tells him about the letters from hamlet. i like this gertrude a lot.

(and I’m pretty sure I saw Hamlet being a sneaky boy and passing behind the window right by Claudius, as Claudius is handed his letters)

ooh, hamlet's wearing white and khaki when he comes back from the pirates, and he seems much calmer than he did the last time we saw him.

and laertes is so lost and sad when he says "what ceremony else?"

they're such good foils for each other, i can't stand it!

hamlet seems amazed as he asks "what is he, whose grief bears such an emphasis" and he's not angry when he climbs into the grave, more like he's expecting to be welcomed with open arms, and then he's just surprised when laertes tries to strangle him. when he says “yet have I in me something dangerous” he’s trying so hard to convince himself of this, oh kiddo.

welp, hamlet is no longer calm, as he screams about how much he loved ophelia, and writhes around on the ground. then he stands up like nothing happened and says "what is the reason you use me such?" and sounds so hurt.

some hamlets did not date laertes, but this one SUPER did

Hamlet feels bad about Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, but moves on quickly because he feels worse about Laertes, and it’s so painfully clear that he knows what genre he’s in. Osric is just a security guard (and later the judge for the fencing match) with no noticeable character but that works really well for this production, and Laertes has enough going on without having a boyfriend.

“Hamlet does it not… his madness” isn’t him giving up empty excuses, but real sorrow and despair, and maybe he really does believe he briefly became another person. I’m ! So ! Sad ! and oh SHIT, when laertes says "this one's too heavy" here, it's NOT to make sure he gets the poisoned blade but because he was moved by hamlet's apology and is BEGGING claudius to let him off the hook of needing to kill his friend, but claudius shakes his head and so they play.

HEY WOW RUDE!!! the music during the fencing match is Not Dark Yet (also by Bob Dylan) and everything HURTS

laertes FLINCHES and runs forward too late to stop claudius from putting in the poisoned pearl, and then he does his best to fight badly, and i'm going to CRY. hamlet's about to drink when gertrude runs forward with her napkin, then claudius grabs the cup from her and she maintains eye contact and they clasp hands as she drinks. she turns her choke into a laugh, while in the background laertes offers claudius preemptive sympathy. but everything is drawing to a close so he has to commit to hitting Hamlet, no matter his reservations.

the music stops as soon as hamlet is struck, and the brightness of the fencing match returns to the darkness of Act Two, but one by one they rise as ghosts, hand their watches over to King Hamlet, and go into the party upstage. And Laertes and Hamlet exchange forgiveness! it's a soft hopeful darkness though, something horatio wishes to be welcomed into, but hamlet tells him to "absent thee from felicity awhile" and he agrees.

hamlet gets scared for "the rest is silence" then it all snaps back to real time while he convulses in horatio's arms.

The play closes as it opens: with a bunch of news stories about the death of danish royalty.

And the closing credits are One More Cup of Coffee by Bob Dylan, it's so good!

[mikanrulz]

I legit don't get how Nina only remembers azazel when he's right in front of her or doesn't even think about the fact that he's angry with her after he stormed away. I kinda just want him to be mad at her forever. Seven or eight episodes ago I thought Nina would have tons of development she would go through. I started strong with azanina a few months ago but that's not the same Nina I was expecting. I want azazel to dump her ass so she realizes how limited her perception is. Too lil too late :)

regarding azazel + nina relationship tho,

I do think it’s always been rather one-sided on both of their parts. Er how to say this, like ships in the night thing, passing each other without actually getting through to each other? augh I wish I was better with words :(

but basically, azanina baiting in ep 1-4 (yes, the baiting actually did happen) and nina’s lack of inconsistent characterization aside, I always feel the show always tries to put nina in an outsider’s position for azazel. and this is rather consistent until ep18.

the rundown, from azazel’s perspective:

ep1:

she’s the strong but crazy girl chasing after him; he mistakes her for mugaro but doesn’t drop her; rather than him caring about her, this is more about him doing kind things without thinking, just like when he saved favaro in ep12 genesis even tho he told favaro he didn’t know why he did it.

ep2:

tells mugaro she’d be valuable to their (Demons) cause; tries to recruit her; failed and scared her instead; you can make a case here that his tsundere-ness his pride gets in the way and makes him unable to directly ask for help; here, he basically commands nina to fight for something that nina herself doesn’t understand nor care. here, he comes off as treating her like a tool to be used.

ep3:

he doesn’t mention nina at all, doesn’t seek her help and tries to do things on his own (+ mugaro). the fact he doesn’t seek nina again tells me that he sees nina is unmoved by him in ep2, and he actually gives up on her and forgets her. it means in ep2, he actually still sees her a being with a mind of her own, and him commanding her instead of asking for her help is actually only bcs he’s a tsundere he wants to preserve whatever left of his shattered pride, and not bcs he thinks he’s better than her.

ep4:

for whatever reason she finds him and he tries to tell her to take mugaro and go; she refuses; they fall, and he puts his arms around her not necessarily bcs he cares about her but more bcs it’s just his reflex; let’s not forget, he still *thinks* she’s a demon, and so since he’s trying to go save demons anyway, save her too while he’s at it.

it’s not personal for him.

then she asks to hug him; he hesitates but complies; for me, with him still thinking she’s a demon, he probably thinks she’s afraid and only asked to be comforted; he hesitates bcs 1) he’s not one to offer comfort, 2) his pride, 3) wtf. he complies bcs wth he’s gonna die in a second anyway, might as well do something completely unlike him.

this is where he changes his mind; and the words above implies it’s bcs of her powers; but I actually disagree with this assumption. after all, he did see what her powers could do in ep1. He *knows* her dragon is powerful. This is never in doubt.

he changes his mind about recruiting her bcs she actually comes to help him without being asked.

this is *important*.

Be it demons or angels, free wills have powers, and obeying contracts/commands is mandatory. And this also applies to Azazel, bcs once he realizes he can’t get nina to agree, he leaves her alone and doesn’t do anything to force her.

He needs her *wills*.

Which is why the dragon transformation scene is the game changer for him; not bcs of the dragon herself, but bcs nina, out of her own free will, comes without being asked and actually helps the demons.

This is why in rita’s place he doesn’t ask for her agreement and goes straight to offer to control her: it’s bcs he assumes he already has it - after all, she does help them all, doesn’t she.

This is where he is totally wrong.

we know from the end of ep3 that the one she tries to save is azazel and azazel only; she tries to stop him again in ep4 bcs she doesn’t want him dying, even tho stopping him means she basically lets the other demons get beheaded. in ep4, it’s important for her that azazel doesn’t die.

Azazel, meanwhile, doesn’t see this. Keeping in mind that he still thinks her a demon, he totally assumes she’s actually trying to save the demons from getting beheaded, like he is trying to do. He assumes it’s about demons solidarity.

About the hug as control thing, he may and may not understand the significance of it, but for him, the hug probably only means as a comfort thing; like a reassurance; like the way a pat on the head is enough to reassure mugaro, he seems to think all nina needs in order to transform is a reassurance in the form of a hug. Nothing less, nothing more.

He thinks she has a self-confidence issue, when that’s not true at all.

He thinks she cares about the demons, when, again, this is not true at all.

Ep6:

he doesn’t tell her anything other than a place to meet, bcs, to refer to ep4, he *thinks* they both are already on the same wavelength, that they both have the same wish and goal: to free the demons.

He only ever appears to her to preach about saving the demons anyway, and so here, he just assumes she would understand what he refers to, without actually confirming anything.

Nina meanwhile, doesn’t get his reference or what he’s talking about bcs she never cares about the demons, they’re never on her mind, and she knows him but she doesn’t know or get what he’s thinking, and therefore she puts it out of her mind too.

Ep7:

He doesn’t get why she doesn’t come to the place he tells her to, he doesn’t get why this time being hugged is not enough to reassure her and make her transform comfortably, and he doesn’t get why she’s balking out *now* of all times. Doesn’t she want to free the demons too, like him? aren’t they on the same page? Why is she being stubborn?

And, most importantly, he doesn’t get that *she* doesn’t get him, doesn’t understand what he’s trying to do.

But even after that, he goes on his own and leaves her, doesn’t force her to do anything.

Ep8:

I’ve written a bit about ep8 for nina, but for azazel, ep8 is also where he finally lets go of his pride and asks for her help *directly*. And it’s important that till the end, he doesn’t say “help me”, he says “help mugaro,” and then “help us the demons”. He uses ‘us’ bcs he still thinks nina’s a demon too, and if nothing else, she should want to save fellow demons like her.

Him calling out her name, “nina”, is important, bcs he very, very rarely calls ppl by their names.

For all of genesis and vs, ppl who he called by name so far: pazuzu, Lucifer, Beelzebub, mugaro, nina, charioce.

He’s been calling nina ‘komusume’ or little girl, only to switch into her name in this scene, which is very telling of his desperation. He needs her to actually pay attention to him, and so he calls her by name.

Yes, at the same time, calling her by name in that place means he also indirectly condemns her and is proof that she’s an acquaintance of a terrorist; but again, he also thinks her a demon; it doesn’t matter whether ppl knows they’re related bcs by virtue of being there at all she’s already guilty, and even more if she’s a demons then she’s about to be killed like the rest of the demons.

In his head, he probably thinks they’re all gonna die anyway and so she should at least try to save herself and mugaro.

There’s no other demons there, remember. There’s only azazel, and nina and mugaro (who he thinks are demons).

By ‘us’, I really think he only means mugaro; this is esp bcs he only starts fighting again when he sees mugaro being captured by angels. He already accepts his fate, but he still wishes mugaro would get saves somehow.

Ep18

This line tho:

A total lie, bcs ep4-8 pretty much established that he did expect something out of her; he had hope for her; his entire plans revolved around her caring about demons and being able to turn into dragon.

This scene is honestly only him being tsundere 1) trying to spare her feelings, 2) trying to cover for his desperation back then and how he seemed so needy, 3) trying to establish boundary again, she and he had nothing to do with each other, she’s nothing to him, let’s continue being nothing.

He’s actually, in this scene, trying to be considerate and let her off the hook, free her of guilt.

…only to have her throw it all back on his face the moment she cheerfuly transforms into a dragon lulz

So much for being considerate

tl;dr

I know you don’t mean it that way, but it bothers me when ppl used ‘he should dump her forever’ bcs this implies they had a relationship to begin with when this is not true. His interest in her is purely, er business, so to speak. He considers her an asset even more bcs he makes a mistake and assumes she’s a demon like him when this is obviously not true.

Azazel never has romantic interest in nina.

Ep1-4 baiting aside, nina never has romantic interest in azazel.

Of course ppl are free to ship whoever they want. And honestly writing this kinda makes me missed their old interaction, even if now I don’t want her anywhere near him.

Just. er. Trying to put Azazel’s perspective out there I guess :’)