#be ambiguous and able to be read multiple ways and that one caption means nothing in the face of all the evidence

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

I have some Shadow and Maria thoughts to ramble about in regards to the recent Shadow content. It's a bit long and spoilery, so I've included it under the cut.

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⚠️Spoilers below for Sonic x Shadow Generations (particularly Shadow Generations), Sonic x Shadow Generations Dark Beginnings, Gerald's Journal, and the Shadow the Hedgehog Manga!!⚠️

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Honestly, I have to say. You've gotta respect the dedication of Ian Flynn, Evan Stanley, Shadow and Maria's vas, other creators for Dark Beginnings/Shadow generations, and the people working on the Shadow manga

To never labeling Shadow and Maria's relationship as sibling‐like

Like, okay. Sure. English Sonic official posted an art piece of them with the "long lost sibling" in the alt text/caption.

They're never said to be siblings in any of the youtube descriptions for the official postings for the Dark Beginnings episodes, including the full compilation. (You can check the descriptions here, here, here, and here)

They're never said to be siblings at all during Dark Beginnings (you can check the full compilation of the episodes here).

In the first episode of Dark Beginnings, there are a few things we can see while Shadow is having a combo memory/vision. First, as Maria excitedly presents Shadow the aurora borealis, she begins to faint. Luckily, Shadow rushes to catch her, concerned, and tells her she should know better than to exert herself. Then, once he sets her back down on the floor, finding her to be okay, she starts talking about how excited she is to go back one day to Earth. In response, Shadow starts despairing over having failed to be her cure and how he doesn’t know if there's a place for him on Earth. Then, Maria hugs his head tightly, only to stroke his face before cupping his cheeks (yes she pointedly strokes his face. Fun fact, if you check the stream of the Dark Beginnings teaser presentation from Anime Expo (here at 29:36) you can hear the audience get quieter for a while after she strokes his face). She reassures Shadow, telling him that she's just as happy to spend time with him here on the ARK. (This scene with Maria during Dark Beginnings episode 1 can be found here at the timestamp range 0:33–2:03)

During the second episode of Dark Beginnings, Shadow stands in front of a glass containment tube, watching the black arms larva inside. Though he says nothing, Maria can tell that Shadow is upset. She places a hand on Shadow's shoulder and leans into his face (both putting herself on the same eye level as him, and quite literally eclipsing his view of the thing which represents his grief over who he is). She asks him if he's okay, and Shadow opens up, telling her how he feels no different than the evil heartless creature in the tube (the black arms larva). Maria throws her arms around him, hugging him tightly, before explaining that he has a big heart. She places a hand upon his chest (very lightly strokes it too), tells him that she knows he cares about everyone despite how hard it is for him to express it, and explains that it's one's actions that defines them (as opposed to blood or dna). (This scene with Maria during Dark Beginnings episode 2 can be found here at the timestamp range 5:30–6:44)

The previous episode sets the two up as having a bit of a close relationship, but this flashback from episode 2 emphasizes the closeness of their relationship further. It presents multiple additional examples of Maria seeking to comfort Shadow through physical touch. And not only that, but also her being able to sense when he needs comfort even if his face doesn't show it. These two episodes combined present us the kind of relationship where Shadow is often at Maria's side (he worries about her health, he rushes in to catch her when she begins to faint, she teaches him about Earth), and Maria likes to spend time with Shadow too (she loves to teach him about Earth, to fantasize about going there with him, to spend time with him on the ARK, to comfort Shadow and reassure him if he feels angry at himself or sad). If Shadow watches out for Maria physically/health wise, then Maria watches out for Shadow emotionally. There's no relationship label placed on top of these scenes to tell the audience what they should think about it. Rather, the scenes speak for themselves, laying bare how close the two are, how they care for each other (and I'd even argue that some of those moments of physical touch on Maria's part even convey a sense of longing. There's something very intimate feeling about these scenes).

Then, we get more tidbits with episode 3. During the episode, Commander Abraham Tower implies (from his perspective at least) that Maria had always been the only person who could talk Shadow down, an ability of hers that is explicitly shown in Shadow Generations (when Maria convinces Shadow not to fight Black Doom or the black arms out of anger or hate).

Commander: You could have talked him down, Rouge!

Rouge: There's only one person who could ever do that.

Commander: True...and she was lost to us a long time ago...

(This scene with the commander during Dark Beginnings Episode 3 can be found here at the timestamp range 11:19–12:05)

Shadow: He's right. No more mistakes. This time, I will crush every last one of them!

Maria: Shadow, no!

Shadow: Maria?

Maria: It breaks my heart to see you so full of anger. This isn't who you are. Do you know why I named you Shadow? Because without light there's only darkness, but a shadow will show you where to find the light. Do you understand? I don't want you to be driven by darkness. I want you to be happy. Stand in the light with peace in your heart.

...

Maria: Shadow...!

Shadow: It's alright, Maria. I'm letting go of that destructive anger. But I will continue to fight.

Shadow: Fight...with your wish in my heart. Your wish for everyone to have a chance to be happy.

(These scenes from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp ranges 46:37–47:33 and 49:57–51:00)

Ironically, though Abe and Shadow are on better terms now, he is also never used as a vessel to outright state the nature of Maria's relationship with Shadow (though the commander does see Maria as a sister to himself per Shadow the Hedgehog 2005). And though Rouge (as well as Omega) is presented as the closest friend to Shadow at this point, she doesn't outright state the nature of the relationship either.

Finally, later in episode 3, Shadow experiences an amv fantasy in his head of he and Maria spending time together in Earth's flowers under the stars, and tries to banish the thoughts away. It hurts him so much because such a fantasy will never be fulfilled, because when Maria was alive she dreamed of them going to the planet together. (You can check timestamps 12:05–12:28 of this video for Shadow's vision/fantasy)

During the Dark Beginnings teaser showcase, when asked the nature of Shadow and Maria's relationship, this is how Shadow and Maria's voice actors described it:

Question: How would each of you describe the relationship between the two?

Kirk Thornton (Shadow): W-Well– To speak in– To speak in actor's terms, um, Maria is my—super objective—she is my reason for everything I do. Um, so...she's just everything. And so, I was created to protect her and when I...failed that mission it...devastates me– er, Shadow. I-I'm... Devastates Shadow.

Kirk: And, so that's why, you know he-he dedicates his life to uhhhh to protecting...Earth because of that, so she is– she just– Yeah. Everything to Shadow.

Kirk: Yeah. Complete driving force behind his life.

Stephanie Sheh (Maria): Okay, so, in my mind when I was thinking about it I was like "She grew up very isolated. She had, like, nobody." You know? And, um, other than Shadow, and the thing that I could relate to is that, like...during the pandemic when we were alone in our houses, I had my dog. And I'm not like– And check it– This is gonna sound weird I'm gonna say comparing Shadow to my dog. But, um, my dog is also black and reddish-tan, so, um...but, um, and– and my dog is super sweet, but he also gets a little too aggressive when he's trying to protect me. S-See? And so, like, anyways. Anyways. It-It's just the parallels. Anyways. But I do think that like, you know, and I- and like I'm the driving force. I ground him. You know, [s]he brings him back to, like, the less rabid stage.

Stephanie: You know, when he gets worked up. Um...but, yeah, that's how I kind of, like, uh– at– relate to that.

...

Stephanie: Yes, yes, totally. Like moral compass.

From that point forward, the host (Zeno Robinson) sort of went back and forth a bit with Stephanie, sort of playing off of her words to which she answers in turn. He describes Maria as Shadow's moral center, he goes on to explain how Shadow is this incredibly powerful being, him having the wrong moral center or with him being in the wrong hands can cause him to go out of control (and Stephanie going on to clarify that Maria helps rein Shadow in). Towards the end of this question, the host also goes onto say how he loves how in depth everyone's answers are and sort of half summarizes what Kirk and Stephanie said/half gives his own input:

"Maria gives Shadow purpose and direction and I'm sure they both were each other's only friend. Uh, their bond is integral to their characters as well as the story."

(At the end of the day, I know Zeno Robinson's opinion is no more important than any fan opinion, since he's neither a sega staff member, someone who worked on Dark Beginnings, or Takashi Iizuka/Shiro Maekawa. I just couldn't help but add his words here after Kirk and Stephanie's.)

(This q&a from the 2024 Anime Expo "A New Era of Shadow" panel can be found here at the timestamp range 26:16–29:18)

Both Kirk and Stephanie describe their relationship in vague terms (never once using the term "sibling"), but their views are clear. To Kirk (who also revealed in this very same q&a that he's only recently been given a more in depth understanding of Shadow as a character and his backstory at the timestamp range 16:39–21:30), Maria is everything to Shadow. She's a precious person, he was made to protect her, he lives for and builds his purpose around her. She is the reason for everything he does. To Stephanie, Shadow is like Maria's only companion, a loyal dog type character (who can get too aggressive sometimes when it comes to protecting Maria), while Maria is Shadow's moral compass and keeps him grounded.

Although we know Maria wasn't completely alone on the ark (there was still the other scientists and Abe after all), just from Dark Beginnings alone (much less Gerald's journal or Shadow Generations) it's clear how important her relationship with Shadow is. In Dark Beginnings, Maria is someone who grounds Shadow, and someone who influences his purpose. Shadow is someone who protects her and cares for her in turn. Shadow may not be her only choice for friendship, but he's clearly a dear one. But for Shadow (so far as we can gather as the audience) she really was his closest and only friend.

And in Gerald's journal, we even get to see Professor Gerald's perspective on their relationship.

(This is an image from the physical version of Gerald Robotnik's Journal included in launch day copies of Sonic x Shadow Generations. It can be found on page 14 of the physical book, and depicts entry #620)

"But then ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ looked upon the unfinished specimen and put things into a new perspective. 'A shadow tells you which way to go to find the light.' In an instant she cut through all my pessimism and doubt and filled me with hope."

– Gerald's journal, Entry #620

Here, although Shadow had not yet been completed, Maria took to calling him a name (which we can only assume is "Shadow"). Before he was even finished, she’d treated him like a future living, thinking being, and her reason for naming Shadow this way was profound enough to inspire Gerald with hope in the project's completion.

Gerald's thoughts on Project Shadow evolve throughout what we can read of his journal. Originally, he starts the project because he can no longer ignore the president of the United Federations' request for the secret to immortality, naming it project Shadow out of spite. He finds the idea of immortality perverse and discovering it to be impossible. But this project eventually becomes his only hope for potentially curing Maria, almost like a lifeline. In desperate pursuit of Maria's cure through Project Shadow, Gerald's choices become harder and harder, challenging even his own morals. So although he may have attempted to bring the project to fruition no matter the cost, hope is still a powerful thing.

"⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ as she's come to call him, will not be some dark creature but a champion of life and hope. I would not have seen that if not for ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ She is truly a remarkable person who can do great and wondrous things for the world."

– Gerald's journal, Entry #620

Without Maria's words, Gerald never would have been able to see real hope or worth in this project beyond potentially curing his granddaughter. Without this change in perspective (thanks to Maria), perhaps Shadow would never have become the kind of hybrid hedgehog he is today—more than just a weapon destined for destruction.

(Although I didn't include a picture here, on pages 17–18 of the physical copy of Gerald's journal (entry #651 to be exact), Gerald notes how Maria assisted him in crafting Shadow's limiter rings (allowing him to handle and focus his power) and rocket shoes (to improve his mobility). There's also a colored image of the rocket shoes and limiter rings, which Maria signed her name and a blue heart upon. It's not terribly important to this post, I just wanted to mention it since I found it to be a cute addition, and indicative of how invested she was in making sure Shadow would be able to, well...exist in a decent manner.)

(This is an image from the physical version of Gerald Robotnik's Journal included in launch day copies of Sonic x Shadow Generations. It can be found on page 20 of the physical book, and depicts a portion of entry #670)

"But all successes of the physical and mental prowess comes second to his relationship to ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ I had hoped they'd get along, but it's far better than that. She is his guide to the world, and he is her stalwart companion. Never have I seen such instant, mutual friendship and trust between two beings. I am truly moved. They remind me why I've been working so hard. They bring me hope."

– Gerald's journal, Entry #670

And the way Gerald describes Shadow and Maria's relationship in his journal is highly interesting to me. He describes this pair as two people that clicked as friends instantly, came to trust each other instantly. He describes Maria as Shadow's guide/teacher and Shadow as her stalwart companion. The way he describes them implies a very strong bond and attachment to each other.

Where Gerald had only hoped they'd get along, his hopes were blown out of the water.

Compare this to the entry where Gerald talks about Maria's relationship with other people and the only other kid on the ARK.

(This is an image from the physical version of Gerald Robotnik's Journal included in launch day copies of Sonic x Shadow Generations. It can be found on page 8 of the physical book, and depicts a portion of entry #428)

"Despite everything, she remains the most positive person in the room. Most of the staff here left their families back on Earth, so I worried she'd feel lonely. Instead, she's become the adoptive daughter of every researcher on the ARK! Moreover, she's become like a big sister to little ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️, the ARK's "happy little accident" over the past few years.

– Gerald's Journal, Entry #428

He's very quick to say that Maria is like the adoptive daughter of every researcher on the ARK, and like a big sister to the (younger) Abraham Tower.

Yet, later once Shadow is complete, he insists on calling them friends. And beyond calling them friends, he describes the level of trust the two have, describes Maria as Shadow's guide to the world and Shadow as her loyal companion. He never labels their relationship from his point of view as siblings.

And Gerald Robotnik's own journal isn't the only recent piece of media to portray Shadow and Maria's friendship.

In the last couple months, two chapters of the recent Shadow Manga ("The Jet Black Hedgehog: Shadow the Hedgehog", by Imada Yuki, and published by Corocoro Comic) have been released. So far, it seems to be a (non-canon) adaptation of Shadow's backstory and Shadow Generations. It depicts Shadow the Hedgehog struggling over having failed to be a cure for Maria as well as the meaning of his existence.

(This screenshot is from Chapter 1 of "The Jet Black Hedgehog: Shadow the Hedgehog" by Imada Yuki, published by CoroCoro Comic, and translated by Azure Wind Productions)

When Shadow is despairing over the point to his existence, this version of Maria is presented as a bit more playful. In contrast to Maria in Dark Beginnings, who is often shown hugging Shadow during flashbacks/visions when he begins to feel negatively about himself, Maria from this manga attempts to draw him out of his thoughts/break the tension by playing a prank on him.

Shadow's words in the above screenshot are pretty telling too.

"You're the only one who'd play a prank on me."

– Shadow, "The Jet Black Hedgehog: Shadow the Hedgehog", Chapter 1 (translated by Azure Wind Productions)

Just from the start of the manga, one learns that this Shadow sees curing Maria as his initial reason for existence (a mission he'd failed). Perhaps, at first, he only contextualizes the time he spends with Maria something akin to a job, something necessary for him to do. From the beginning, after all, she is intrinsically tied to his reason for living. For Maria, though, with the casual way she acts around him (coupled with the statement that she's the only one who would treat Shadow this way), it's clear that she does treat Shadow as a close friend.

After playing her prank, Maria takes Shadow by the hand, pulling him into the room where the two can see the Earth below, and all the stars glittering above. This scene is presented very similar to Dark Beginnings, as Maria shows Shadow a natural phenomenon on Earth from their place on the ARK.

(This screenshot is from Chapter 1 of "The Jet Black Hedgehog: Shadow the Hedgehog" by Imada Yuki, published by CoroCoro Comic, and translated by Azure Wind Productions)

As in Dark Beginnings, Maria begins to faint, to which Shadow moves to catch her, concerned that she pushed herself like this. However, upon learning what it is that's bothering Shadow, Dark Beginnings!Maria and Manga!Maria handle it a bit differently.

(This screenshot is from Chapter 1 of "The Jet Black Hedgehog: Shadow the Hedgehog" by Imada Yuki, published by CoroCoro Comic, and translated by Azure Wind Productions)

It's Maria in the manga who reveals exactly what Shadow is going through, but she cups his cheeks and presses her forehead to his, making it clear that she wants him to be able to enjoy life and believe that even his existence has meaning.

"I want you to see...and someday feel...many things that are...beautiful, kind and strong. I want you to believe that there is a meaning to being born into this world."

– Maria, "The Jet Black Hedgehog: Shadow the Hedgehog", Chapter 1 (translated by Azure Wind Productions)

It's so very clear just how deeply manga!Maria cares for Shadow. She wants him to feel better about his own existence, to be able to experience all kinds of beautiful things in this world, to live his life further than his (failed) mission.

As for Shadow, after the screenshot above, he thinks to himself about how everything he does (dealing with Maria's antics, suppressing dangerous lab animals, etc) he does for the purpose of killing time. He doesn't do them for the sake of doing them, or even because he enjoys them. But...he does come to realize through a montage of memories of Maria smiling at him and calling his name that although he's currently killing time in this world, he's come to realize that dealing with Maria (out of all that he does on the ARK) perhaps isn't so bad.

After this, Maria pulls him along to the same room again (this time to watch the stars), when G.U.N.'s raid of the ARK suddenly begins. Shadow and Maria are separated briefly as Maria commands Shadow (who'd intended to ensure her safety first) to worry about protecting everyone else on the ARK.

Here begins an important parallel in this first chapter. At the beginning of the chapter, the audience is privy to both Shadow's relationship with the ARK's scientists and Maria. With the ARK scientists, they praise Shadow after he subdues one of their out of control lab animals, making note of his title of "Ultimate Lifeform". With Maria, we see her worry about his emotional state and express that she wants him to believe there's a meaning to his existence in this world, as well as explicitly hang out with him.

However, a shift occurs in both sets of relationships as the ARK raid occurs.

ARK Researcher: Please save me!

Shadow: I'll let you escape now, so stay put.

ARK Researcher: Help me! I'm a human just like you, aren't I?!

Shadow: ?!

ARK Researcher: Why should I be killed because of a mere lab animal?!

Shadow: Huh?

ARK Researcher: For us, this thing is worth nothing! I swear I'll never do research again!

This is an impactful moment to manga!Shadow, who seems to have learned what he truly means to the ARK's scientists. Or, in other words, Shadow learns that the ARK's scientists are so fickle as to change their tune about him (go from calling him "ultimate life form" to "lab animal") the moment their own lives are at stake. And this moment impacts him so heavily that he desperately turns to thoughts about Maria. Because, if no one else cares about him, sees him as a person, Maria would, right?

(This screenshot is from Chapter 1 of "The Jet Black Hedgehog: Shadow the Hedgehog" by Imada Yuki, published by CoroCoro Comic, and translated by Azure Wind Productions)

And so a similar scene transpires between Maria and the G.U.N. agents.

Maria: I know a lab animal? That's disgusting.

G.U.N. Agent: Don't lie to us! We know from our intel that you are often with that Shadow!

Maria: I said, I know nothing like that.

Shadow feels crushed instantly. After Maria's words, he starts to think that he really never should have been born. But then...Maria begins to talk about the one she loves.

(This screenshot is from Chapter 1 of "The Jet Black Hedgehog: Shadow the Hedgehog" by Imada Yuki, published by CoroCoro Comic, and translated by Azure Wind Productions)

Maria loves Shadow so much that she's able to look death in the eye, describe Shadow as the living, breathing, person she cares about, and proudly proclaim that she'd suffer any torture (even death) before she'd say a single terrible thing about him. As opposed to the ARK Researcher, who was willing to quickly consider Shadow as no more than an animal and hand him over for the sake of his life, Maria was ready to give hers, even just to make it clear that she'd never badmouth him (much less give him up).

No matter the nature of this bond manga!Maria shares with manga!Shadow, her actions and words speak for themselves. One cannot deny that she must care about him so so so deeply.

And in response to Maria's confession of love and devotion, as Shadow rushes in to protect her, he finally discovers the meaning of his birth.

(This screenshot is from Chapter 1 of "The Jet Black Hedgehog: Shadow the Hedgehog" by Imada Yuki, published by CoroCoro Comic, and translated by Azure Wind Productions)

All this time.

All this time.

The meaning of his existence in this world was standing right in front of him.

Maria.

Chapter 1 alone solidifies their relationship as strong, intense. To Maria, Shadow is her friend, her companion, whom she loves dearly. To Shadow, Maria is his very reason for existing in this world (even though he failed to be her cure, he still wishes to live for her in particular), someone who he's only recently come to realize just how deeply he cares for.

And chapter 2 continues to present the intensity of Shadow's feelings, as chapter 1's ending and chapter 2's beginning each portray the moment where Maria is shot by a G.U.N. soldier.

(This screenshot is from Chapter 2 of "The Jet Black Hedgehog: Shadow the Hedgehog" by Imada Yuki, published by CoroCoro Comic, and translated by Azure Wind Productions)

I think saying "this pissed Shadow off" is more than a bit of an understatement. As it so goes with the trope of "person loses a loved one/their precious person or this person gets hurt right in front of them, causing them to go apeshit", Shadow begins fighting the G.U.N. soldiers, demanding answers for Maria's shooting. He even screams that he will kill them all (them being the soldiers and black arms).

And honestly, it's highly likely Shadow may have really tried to "kill them all" if Maria hadn't spoken up at that crucial moment, indicating that she's still alive.

(This screenshot is from Chapter 2 of "The Jet Black Hedgehog: Shadow the Hedgehog" by Imada Yuki, published by CoroCoro Comic, and translated by Azure Wind Productions)

When Shadow turns away from the soldiers and black arms to move towards Maria, he begins to come down from his adrenaline high. He visibly looks more tired and dazed, though he still tries to put whatever energy he has left into focusing on Maria's safety. Likewise, Maria (who is visibly running on her last vestiges of energy), tries to put everything she has into one thing: saving Shadow.

Computer: TEN SECONDS TO EMERGENCY LAUNCH OF ESCAPE POD!

Shadow: What are you...

Maria: Never...let yourself be consumed by anger or resentment. You could easily end up all alone.

Shadow: Open this up, Maria!

Maria: So just as you did for me, give everyone on that planet a chance to live happily. That way, even when I'm gone...

Shadow: OPEN IT, MARIA!

Shadow, who was only feeling the exhaustion that came with slight relief just moments ago, is high on adrenaline and emotions once more. He bangs on the glass of the escape pod, demanding Maria open it up.

And Maria, after delivering her speech where she tells Shadow just what he wants for him and his future on Earth, gives him her last words.

(This screenshot is from Chapter 2 of "The Jet Black Hedgehog: Shadow the Hedgehog" by Imada Yuki, published by CoroCoro Comic, and translated by Azure Wind Productions)

"Hey, Shadow. Thank you so much for being born. I love you."

– Maria, "The Jet Black Hedgehog: Shadow the Hedgehog", Chapter 2 (translated by Azure Wind Productions)

In Maria's last moments, she makes it as clear as she possibly can (to Shadow's face this time) that she wants the best for him, and that she loves him so, so much. And this confession of love to his face is what finally causes Shadow to stop banging on the glass. There's a moment of calm as Maria smiles, Shadow's eyes go wide, and the two's hand's meet at the pane of glass which separates them.

And then, it's over.

(This screenshot is from Chapter 2 of "The Jet Black Hedgehog: Shadow the Hedgehog" by Imada Yuki, published by CoroCoro Comic, and translated by Azure Wind Productions)

Just like earlier in the chapter when Maria was shot, we see how Shadow reacts upon losing Maria.

She was shot because she put her life on the line for him. He tried to save her, but she locked him in the escape pod, which he couldn't escape from. Then, in her final moments, she lays everything out on the table. She thanks him for being born, she says that she loves him, and, finally, she ejects him from the ARK.

He does not get to witness her final breath, he gets no further chances to save her.

And so Shadow begins to go apeshit once more after losing his very reason for existence right before his eyes, screaming and taking out his frustration, anger, and all manner of intense feeling in the confines of the pod he cannot escape from.

Somehow after this, the escape pod (with Shadow inside) and the whole ARK get pulled into white space. Once Shadow (now freed from the pod) processes what happened, he zeroes in on his goal, tearing through white space to get back to Maria on the ARK.

(This screenshot is from Chapter 2 of "The Jet Black Hedgehog: Shadow the Hedgehog" by Imada Yuki, published by CoroCoro Comic, and translated by Azure Wind Productions)

During the end of chapter 2, Shadow is fueled by anger, loss, stubbornness, and desperation. When the little black arms creature promises that he can bring Maria back to life, he attaches to it like a lifeline, vowing to save Maria this time.

(These screenshots are from Chapter 2 of "The Jet Black Hedgehog: Shadow the Hedgehog" by Imada Yuki, published by CoroCoro Comic, and translated by Azure Wind Productions)

In the end, the Shadow manga (so far) tells a story of a human girl and her closest friend. The girl wants so desperately to give her closest friend a good future, to make him believe that his life has meaning. Her friend, an alien hybrid and anthropomorphic hedgehog has failed at the very thing he was created to do, and does not see any meaning in his existence. However, after the human girl, whom he watches over and protects, shows him just how much she loves and cares for him, he finally realizes his own feelings, naming this very girl as the meaning of his entire existence. Tragically, he fails to save her in a critical moment. She confesses her love for him just before she saves him, and he loses her. Now, stuck in an unfamiliar place/zone, he's decided he will do anything to bring her back to life and to save her this time, to get to her.

This manga lays their entire relationship (a depiction of it at least) out on the table, showing you just how close they are to each other, how much they love each other, and all of their actions. Their hearts and feelings are both put on full display during this manga, allowing the reader to determine what it all means for them and the nature of their relationship without ever telling the reader what label to brand it with.

Not one time are they ever called "siblings" on top of any of those major character moments.

And while not quite as explicitly focused as the manga about it, Shadow Generations also presents Shadow and Maria's bond to the audience.

Beginning with "Shadow's story", the narrator describes the two thus:

"Shadow was raised alongside Gerald's ailing granddaughter, Maria. They were inseparable."

...

"Fifty years later, Shadow was awakened. Filled with anger and sadness, he was haunted by Maria's final words to him.

'Shadow, I beg of you... For all the people...on that planet...'

Shadow was bent on revenge and sought to destroy the world.

At the last moment, Shadow remembered Maria's final wish...to protect her beloved planet and all who lived there."

(This scene from Shadow Generations's "Shadow's Story" can be found here at the timestamp range 24:04–25:01)

Although "Shadow's story" itself functions better as a quick recap of events in past games rather than a true summary or explanation of those events, the narrator's words on Maria are important. As Sonic x Shadow Generations was also created with new fans in mind, hoping to prepare them for Sonic Movie 3 with basic knowledge of Shadow's character and backstory (as well as introduce them to the modern Sonic games themselves), this means that for many prospective Shadow fans (or those just becoming interested in Sonic as a series), Shadow Generations is likely to deliver them their first real impressions of characters such as Shadow, Maria Robotnik, Gerald Robotnik, etc.

This is all to say that Shadow having a strong bond and connection to Maria is integral to imparting even the most basic plot beats from his backstory. The usage of "inseparable" paired up with his memories of Maria's wishes heavily impacting his actions once again makes it clear that they have a very strong bond without the writer (Ian Flynn) jumping to label their relationship for the audience.

Though it's not necessarily integral to this post, I also would be remiss not to mention one of the opening cutscenes of Shadow Generations. Shadow Generations (which starts up about an hour after the ending of Dark Beginnings) also presents something of a flashback. During this scene (which cannot be a memory of Shadow's), we see Maria incredibly excited about the possibility of meeting the newly completed "ultimate life-form". She's so excited, in fact, that she dashes straight up to his pod at the start of the scene and excitedly asks Gerald if they can wake him up yet. (This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 25:40–26:27)

Maria's importance to Shadow is expanded upon just a bit further during a scene where Shadow begins to look out into white space. Upon spotting Maria in the distance, Shadow gasps loudly, saying her name as he begins to reach out for her. He reminds himself that she's not real, only to experience a flashback of Maria's last words to him.

"I need to stay focused. Deal with the problem at hand. Not chase...dreams."

– Shadow, Shadow Generations

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 29:16–26:27)

Coupled with the scene from Dark Beginnings Episode 3 I talked briefly about earlier (namely, Shadow experiencing visions of a fantasy of he and Maria spending time together on Earth), Shadow Generations presents a Shadow that is not only still attached to Maria, but actively considers the idea of being able to be happy with an alive Maria a "dream" (one that he must push down, lest he forget reality or become caught in nostalgia). While on one hand, Maria is intrinsically connected to his reason for protecting the Earth (or part of his purpose), on the other, the idea of her makes for an emotional distraction.

Which is also why, later in the game, Rouge attempts to remind Shadow that he's already moved on from his past. She encourages him to cherish his time with them, yes, but reminds him he's not the Shadow that Gerald and Maria knew fifty years ago. (This conversation from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 29:51–30:18)

And this also leads the audience into one of Shadow's internal conflicts during the game. Despite trying to remind himself initially that the past is the past, that there's no use in chasing dreams (namely those impossible to fulfill), he changes his tune upon meeting Gerald and Maria in white space. Though Gerald warns him against altering the timeline like Black Doom already is (or punching holes into it like the Time Eater), Shadow is determined to figure out some way he can defeat Black Doom, AND save Gerald and Maria.

Shadow: They must be from a point in time before the ARK disaster. Perhaps I can change their fate.

...

Gerald: You're still not convinced about changing your destiny, mm? Think of it this way - if you changed our past, it would rewrite your future.

...

Shadow: I'll stop Rouge! Use chaos control! Stop this moment in time and...!

(These scenes from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp ranges 36:51–37:16 and 55:36–56:22, as well as here at the timestamp range 25:21–25:50)

And on top of trying to save Maria and Gerald, in Shadow Generations, Shadow is yet depicted as focused on Maria's well-being as much as he can, in contrast to Maria, who is largely cognizant to how Shadow's feeling emotionally.

Maria: Shadow? You look grim. Are you all right?

Shadow: I'll be fine. We'll all be fine. Find somewhere safe to hide. I'll take care of everything.

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 37:00–37:16)

Maria: Shadow? Are you in pain?

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 38:41–38:49)

Shadow: He's right. No more mistakes. This time, I will crush every last one of them!

Maria: Shadow, no!

Shadow: Maria?

Maria: It breaks my heart to see you so full of anger. This isn't who you are. Do you know why I named you Shadow? Because without light there's only darkness, but a shadow will show you where to find the light. Do you understand? I don't want you to be driven by darkness. I want you to be happy. Stand in the light with peace in your heart.

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 46:43–47:33)

Maria: Shadow...!

Shadow: It's alright, Maria. I'm letting go of that destructive anger. But I will continue to fight.

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 49:45–50:12)

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp 50:12)

Maria: It's hard not to be scared of everything going on, but I've never been afraid. Not deep down. Because I know you're here, doing your best to protect us.

...

Maria: Don't look so sad, Shadow. I don't know what will happen after you win. Maybe we won't see each other for a long while. But I love you and nothing can change that.

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 28:50–29:49)

Omega: I will cover you from here when you engage Black Doom.

Omega: What? Protect prof. Gerald and Maria at all costs?

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 08:04–08:28)

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp 55:37)

As I had said much earlier in this post:

"If Shadow watches out for Maria physically/health wise, then Maria watches out for Shadow emotionally."

Beyond Dark Beginnings, we get to see this in play in Shadow Generations. We see Shadow take on the burden of protecting Maria and Gerald and getting rid of the black arms himself. We see Shadow worrying and rushing over to Maria when she falters. We see him stress the importance of keeping Maria and Gerald safe, even when he cannot be around to do it himself. And (not that Maria doesn't worry about Shadow physically as well, but...) we see Maria worrying when Shadow looks grim, or seems sad or angry. We see her express her wish for him to be happy, try to give him solace when he worries over her or her fate, and even express her own positive feelings in response to Shadow's care.

But this is not all Shadow Generations has to show the audience in regards to Shadow's bond with Maria. After all, you may be wondering, what do characters themselves have to say about it? What else does Shadow Generations show us through characters' words and actions?

I'd like to present to you more scenes from Shadow Generations that stand on their own, without the writer telling the audience what to think.

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp 36:27)

Maria: Yes, I know you're part alien. That's not important. What's important is who you are and what you do.

Maria: I was a little surprised you turned out looking like a hedgehog, though! I think the way your spines go "swoosh" is really cool!

Maria: Shadow...are you blushing!?

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 20:48–21:16)

Maria: It's been wonderful having you around on the ARK, Shadow. The staff is lovely, but I was very lonely before you joined us.

Maria: I miss my family. I miss my baby sister most of all. I do hope Grandfather finds a cure for me soon so we can all go home together!

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 21:47–22:13)

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp 45:16)

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 46:37–47:33)

Maria: Shadow... I don't want you to listen to Black Doom. You may share his DNA, but he is not your true family! Your real family loves you and wants you to be safe and happy.

Maria: That's us, Shadow. Me and Grandfather. Please remember that.

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 23:19–23:39)

Maria: So it seems like we've been apart longer than I thought. Have you made many friends?

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 25:51–26:04)

Maria: My condition...can't be treated yet.

...

Maria: It can be very scary and frustrating. But you've always been so patient and kind with me. Thank you, Shadow.

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 26:06–26:35)

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 49:45–50:50)

Maria: Shadow... I'm so proud of you! You've been through so much, but you've stayed true to yourself.

Maria: I know you can do this. Go, Shadow, go!

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 28:35–28:50)

Maria: Don't look so sad, Shadow. I don't know what will happen after you win. Maybe we won't see each other for a long while.

Maria: But I love you and nothing can change that. No matter how far apart we are, my love will always be with you. Please always remember that.

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 29:15–29:50)

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 55:25–57:26)

I had wanted to include the scene of Shadow running away, his final tear flying back and hitting Rouge's cheek as his feelings go unsaid. However, I've been taking screen recordings of the cutscene compilation I've been sourcing for this post on a mobile device. With that, sadly, video annotations would have obscured the end of the scene had I kept them in the recording, and I wanted to keep to as few different videos sourced on this post as I could.

In the end, Shadow Generations depicts a hedgehog who still has yet to discover what exactly he is going to live for (not just survive in this world). He tries to remind himself that he's completely moved on from his past, that visions/fantasies of being happy with this one person in particular are not something that life has granted to him (are just distractions). But this hedgehog becomes trapped between the past, the present, and what's to come next when this person he'd cared so deeply for is alive for a minute. He wants to protect this person, his natural instinct is to handle everything so they do not have to risk themselves. He worries so palpably for this person's well-being, often seen reaching out to them or rushing over to them when they falter or are in pain. Despite being stubborn, often sticking to his own plans no matter what, he values this person's words and opinions so dearly. Rather than use it to fuel his actions, he chooses to deal with this overwhelming anger and frustration simply because this person wants him to be happy and can't stand to see him in such a state. He also visibly blushes upon receiving compliments from this person (ironically, it's this blushing comment in particular I saw someone use on this site to spread misinfo that it was about Shadow blushing over Sonic rather than Shadow blushing over Maria). Even now, he is patient and kind with this person (something that one cannot say in regards to his attitude towards most of the Sonic cast). And although he never says "I love you", to this person, his actions speak louder than words. The protectiveness he has, the care, the patience, the willingness to listen and improve. And, above all, this is someone he is able to be more intimate with (if any of his scenes while in physical contact with this person are any indication).

Shadow Generations also depicts a human girl who has to come to terms with the fact that the hedgehog she's faced with has changed from the one she knows and cares for. Yet, she makes it just how clear that (time? space?), none of this matters to her. She loves this hedgehog no matter their dna/biology, no matter how many mistakes they make, no matter how much time has passed. In the past and present, she appreciates how patient and kind this hedgehog has always been to her. She spends plenty of time reminiscing about the past with them, harkening back to fonder memories. She is not shy about throwing her arms around this them, pointing out their blush, or taking their hands as she comforts and/or reasons with them. She's often visibly so so happy to see them, even after only being separated for a short time. This hedgehog's happiness is very important to her, so she's sensitive when they're angry or frustrated or sad. It makes her emotional to see them driven by anger and hate, so much so that she just cannot sit aside. She begs this person not to listen to someone who claims that bonds of blood and DNA determine one's future and loyalty, and has always believed that they can choose their own future—one of light and true happiness. She praises this person for their improvements, for staying true to themselves, for just how worried they are. And although her actions, care, and worry for this person do a great deal in showing it, she is able to tell this hedgehog how she feels outright. More than once she tells them just how much she loves them—so much so that her love will always be with them and shall never change no matter the distance between them.

These two are better together than apart. Where Maria fails physically, Shadow is there to worry about her health, physical well-being, and protection. Although Shadow is very physically capable and driven to protect, he tends to neglect his emotional state or keep his feelings/thoughts inside. So where Shadow has a harder time dealing with his emotions or has an easy time getting caught up in his anger, Maria is there to physically and emotionally comfort him. She is there to keep him from succumbing to anger and hate. The two each want more than anything for the other to be alive and happy. Although Shadow had only been created to be her cure, and although Maria was not alone on the ARK, it is implied that their instant relationship of mutual friendship and trust is a profound one. Where Maria had not been alone or unhappy on the ARK, it was Shadow who eradicated the loneliness that had been growing inside her. The two were inseparable back then, and it took a lot out of Shadow to let her go once again (again, only finding the strength to let go of such impulse because she asked him). The two love each other dearly, and this is made explicit.

And yet, with all of their actions, with their discussion of wants and feelings, and everything pertaining to each other in Shadow Generations, (as I've said multiple times now) Ian Flynn never tells the audience what label to brand this relationship with. As in the Shadow Manga, Maria clearly says she loves him, they both have their feelings on full display through their actions and words, yet it is more important for the audience to come to their own conclusions (especially in the lead up to Sonic Movie 3) than it is to 100% and strictly label the nature of their relationship. They just simply love each other and are important to each other

A fact which is...also ironic, given how easily and casually Maria discusses her relationship to Abraham Tower.

Maria: Have you seen Abe? You know, little Abraham Tower? I'm worried about him. He's the only other kid on the ARK with us. Sometimes he feels like my little brother, hee-hee!

(This scene from Shadow Generations can be found here at the timestamp range 21:16–21:47)

She confesses to seeing Abe as a younger brother sometimes (something Gerald, too, had pointed out in his own journal), and yet never once calls Shadow her sibling throughout Shadow Generations, even while reminiscing.

And while Maria does, perhaps, call Shadow a part of her family (a family of her, Shadow, and Gerald), I don't know what to tell you if you believe such a thing can only refer to/be interpreted in the most strictly nuclear family way possible. Well, other than that to do so is limiting and reductive. I have never more clearly seen a case of found family than I have with these three, especially given their unorthodox relationship (a guy, his beloved granddaughter, and the guy's son/creation, who is a stalwart companion and forever friend to his granddaughter).

Shadow and Maria are inseparable, they are friends, they are family, they love each other, but despite their relationship being highly featured in this game, the fact that Sega and the writer himself do not use this chance to strictly clarify the nature of their relationship is telling.

And you might be saying: "Tumblr user hadesknockedupintheunderworld, what about that alt text from that image of Shadow and Maria that's on the English Sonic social media?"

To which I say: "What of it?"

In the face of so many recent depictions of their relationship as highly ambiguous, with there being clear romance parallels to draw from if one wanted to, what does one single piece of evidence mean against that?

One can't look at that dedication all creators around these two have to make their relationship ambiguous (while also presenting them as having a very very strong bond) and simply say that they're clearly only ever meant to be read as sibling-like. And to say that they are 100% only meant to be siblings "or you're wrong" is to go against (at least one of) the creator of these characters own stated intentions to allow people to draw conclusions and interpret as they wish. Period.

I think I've made it pretty clear that means you can interpret their relationship however you want. It doesn't even have to be either siblings or lovers! Personally, I take a qqp approach myself (where the exact nature of their relationship is confusing, and all that is clear and solidified is that the two have an intensely strong bond, want as much time together as they can, and wish to make the other happy).

But it's wrong to act like one of many possible interpretations is 100% obviously canon when the facts themselves contradict that kind of thing (just as it's wrong to harass people over something so trivial as that).

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[rotten-zucchinis]

Notes on relationship commutativity (Part 2: Intimacy)

I would argue that intimacy is commutative. Friendship... not so much. And the perception of intimacy... also not so much. Both, however, need to be consensual.

Part 1 is about friendship and how it’s “non-commutative” (you can “be a friend” to someone who is not your “friend”). [here]

This part is about intimacy and how it is commutative (even if the perception of intimacy is not)

Part 3 is about intimacy in a community context and “community ties” [here]

TLDR: Intimacy is a really vague, amorphous thing that doesn’t parse well into neat categories of “physical” or “emotional” even though people might want to divide it up that way. Instead is a broad term for the wonky diversity of experience that is being “close to” or personally “connected” with someone. And beyond that, it’s consensual-- the closeness without the consent isn’t “intimacy” but “invasion” instead. So intimacy is a two-way thing. On the other hand, people can feel close or connected to someone who doesn’t share that-- and while it might be “intimacy with a creative product” it’s not really “intimacy” with that person. And people can feel close to someone because of being forced into proximity or a situation of vulnerability. When situations are coercive, it’s a matter of degree, so people’s ability to consent to the proximity is also a matter of degree. That means there might be instances of “sort-of intimacy”.  It’s useful to separate the “intimacy” from the feelings people have about it. People can be close and feel differently about it or experience it completely differently. Intimacy doesn’t necessarily feel a certain way or even have a “type” (even if people might experience that intimacy in particular, “typed” ways).

Situating descriptions or definitions of intimacy

Intimacy means a lot of different things to a lot different people. I’m not going to hazard a definition beyond “closeness” or “connected” (which are deliberately broad and ambiguous words). While there are arguably a lot of different types (or perhaps more accuracy manifestations of intimacy and ways of being intimate), the word has a lot of baggage.

To look at how people might be inclined to frame these things, a wikipedia search for “intimacy” redirects to “intimate relationship” [here] and if you go the the disambiguation page [here], the next options are a pair of links for physical intimacy [source] and emotional intimacy [source)]. And naturally, the image on the emotional intimacy page is of a picture [here] of a romantic couple[1] lying in bed reading, presumably naked under the covers, with their feet intertwined. The caption is “A couple reading together” (as though reading always takes place naked in bed, while wearing a wristwatch).

Clearly there is the connection implicit between emotional intimacy and physical intimacy.[2] Being naked in bed with intertwined feet shows physical intimacy as well as the emotional. I don’t dispute that often the two go together in some form, but it would have been entirely plausible to have a picture for the “emotional intimacy” page where the two forms of intimacy are less explicitly intertwined. Similarly, the pictures on the physical intimacy page are of fully clothed people-- one cuddle pile and another with a pair of people hugging and smiling (which suggests an emotional aspect to the physical intimacy too). 

So while the structure of the wikipedia pages might speak to physical and emotional intimacy as separate (with more of an emphasis on the “sexual” in the physical intimacy page-- though the discussion is certainly not limited to sexual stuff), the choice of pictures on both pages speaks to the two being part and parcel of the same thing. People in close physical and/or emotional proximity. 

Also, while wikipedia focuses on two types or dimensions of intimacy (i.e., emotional and physical), I don’t think it’s especially useful to list all the possible ways that people can experience intimacy-- intellectual, creative, spiritual, aesthetic, sexual etc. I don’t think it’s especially useful to construct independent dimensions for intimacy-- the whole point is that there’s a diversity of ways people experience and / or do intimacy which will probably involve multiple dimensions in various capacities. Unless there’s a particular reason to describe a single aspect of intimacy separated from the whole experience for a particular purpose, I think it’s probably more productive to talk about intimacy as a whole.

To be clear, I don’t think conversations about intimacy would be well-served by a neoliberal framing which reifies different dimensions of intimacy as independent things the way people often talk about umpteen different (independent) types of attraction. (read: I think that creating lists of “types of intimacy” and/or disembodied identity labels based on categories of intimacy is probably missing the point of a conversation about understanding, describing or promoting intimacy.) I’ve written about issues with that approach in the context of types of attraction [here] but the point applies more broadly. 

Creating independent “categories of intimacy” would have the downfall of acting like the same criteria are relevant or salient in all instance of intimacy across the board. However, even if things like different forms of intimacy might be able to be described the same set of terms (i.e., much like I could theoretically describe my pink yoga ball and my rocking chair using the same criteria), that would probably be missing the point of what is interesting or meaningful in each unique experience (i.e., much like that would miss the point about how I relate to both of those objects).

Basically, “intimacy” is an inherently ambiguous and amorphous phenomenon encompassing all ways of being being close or personally connected with someone. Intimacy is about closeness, in all its diversely wonky glory.

Intimacy as consensual, and therefore transitive (not “one-way”)

In a basic physical sense, closeness is transitive. If my cat is close to my foot, then my foot is close to my cat. So is connection. If my cat’s claw is connected to my pant leg, my pant leg is connected to my cat’s claw. There isn’t really any way around that.

Intimacy might be a little more metaphorical than that-- even physical intimacy is said to potentially include eye contact (which typically doesn’t involve eyeballs being very close or in physical contact). But there’s still a “closeness” or “connection” in a physical sense, at least metaphorically. Similarly, emotional intimacy might involve sharing secrets, showing vulnerability, sharing strength and understanding. Different types or levels of intimacy might seem appropriate for different contexts.

For example, it’s fine for my housemates to see me in a towel after a shower, but I wouldn’t want some stranger on the street seeing that. And in the context of getting used to living with new people, I’ve experienced the weird jump in situational intimacy, where suddenly we’re doing the kinds of things people do when they live together (like seeing each other in pyjamas or in post-shower towels). Even that kind of basic familiarity is a kind of intimacy-- a kind of closeness, that might be awkward initially because it isn’t matched by emotional or social closeness. And yet, we’re both in it together and we both agree that it’s part and parcel of agreeing to be in that kind of living situation. (Same thing would presumably go for showers or change rooms at public swimming pools.)

That brings the question of whether intimacy is by definition consensual, or whether it merely should be consensual (i.e., is non-consensual closeness “non-consensual intimacy”, or it is something *other* than intimacy?). My take on this is that intimacy is consensual and non-consensual closeness is something else-- I’ll explain. 

For example, it’s perfectly possible to stand right up next to someone waiting for the bus at an otherwise empty bus stop, whether they want you to or not. That will create a literal closeness. If someone does this without the other person’s consent, is that intimacy? I would argue that it’s an invasion of space, which does not constitute intimacy and that framing that kind of invasion as intimacy is a misunderstanding of intimacy. A violation is not intimacy (even if it occurs otherwise within the context of intimacy-- like an intimate relationship).

On the other hand, that is different from someone is engaging in life-saving physical contact (e.g., CPR) on an unconscious person who was hit by a car, which would also be proximity but not intimacy because the unconscious person is not consenting. However, unlike the creepy bus-stop close-stander, the person performing CPR arguably has a moral obligation to help save that person’s life if possible, so their consent is not needed (especially given that it can’t be obtained). In this case, doing nothing would have the devastating consequence of someone dying-- again, without obtaining their consent. And because of that, the proximity, while not intimacy, is also not an invasion of space even if it’s “invasively close”.

These situations are different from one where a group of people are getting on a crowded bus. People mounting a crowded bus together are all doing that with the understanding that they are going to be unusually close (physically) in ways that they wouldn’t be otherwise, and getting on the bus anyway implies a willingess to enter the situation. That’s not an invasion of space. But it is a shared physical closeness. I think there is a level of (temporary) physical intimacy in that kind of crammed-bus scenario because the closeness is consensual. 

So I’d like to add to a conceptualisation of intimacy that it’s about consensual closeness or connection with others. 

Unlike how the consensual nature of friendship means that friendship might or might not be a reciprocated thing, I think that the consensual nature of intimacy means that it has to be a reciprocated thing. The difference is because “friendship” has substance-- meaning-- beyond the relational description. Being a friend is active, and people can’t be obligated to perform those things. “Friendship” can describe either a two-way situation where people are consensual friends, or a one way relationship of one person toward anther where one person is a friend-- and the other person’s consent informs how, not whether, the first person is a friend. On the other hand, intimacy describes a shared share state of being. So both people’s consent would matter both to how and whether intimacy is to be.

At the same time, I do think that the nature of the closeness involved intimacy can be asymmetrical. For example, it’s possible for someone to be involved in someone else’s life in ways that the person is not involved in theirs. People being close to each other doesn’t mean that they need to be close in the same way. When my cat’s claw is attached to my pant leg (and my pant leg therefore attached to her claw), the nature of that connection for my cat with her paw is very different from the nature of that connection for me with my pant-leg. 

In more human terms, my sister cuts my hair, which is a way that she’s involved in my life that we both agree to. That’s part of the pragmatic intimacy in our relationship. But I don’t cut her hair. Moreover, she asks me for a lot of emotional support that I give her, but it doesn’t go the other way around and I don’t want it to. (I think she would like it to go the other way around, and sometimes she tries to push it or to guilt me into “letting” her support me, but that would not be consensual on my end... so even if I did “let her support me”, it wouldn’t really be intimacy-- but invasion.)

Generally, I would argue that intimacy is a mutually consensual, (at least) two-way thing even if the nature of that connection is different on both (or all) ends. If I’m close with someone-- emotionally, physically or otherwise-- then that person is close with me: we’re close (no preposition needed). If I’m experiencing a connection with someone, then I am connected to that person and that person is connected with me: we are connected, even though the nature of that connection might be different for each of us. 

I don’t think it really makes sense to talk about one-sided intimacy-- one person being close or connected to another who is not close or connected to them at all. What does that even mean? On the other hand, there can be situations of one-sided *feelings* of intimacy.

One-way “perception” or “feeling” of intimacy (and in coercive situations, consent can be murky and sort-of intimacy)

I can imagine (and I have certainly experienced) situations of wanting to be close or connected with someone when this closeness didn’t yet exist. Or of feeling a connection to someone when this wasn’t reciprocal-- for example in the context of long-distance sort-of-friendships, after some time has past and someone else’s feelings of connection have faded. But I don’t think that’s “intimacy” as much as the perception[3] or feeling of intimacy.

And there are certainly situations of one-sided feelings of intimacy with someone that never even involved that second person specifically. For example, one person can strongly identify with things another person has done / said / written / drawn / created, etc., and feel a connection with that person-creator, even if that person might not know they exist. People feel connected to celebrities or content-creators whose content they’ve engaged with, etc. That’s a very real phenomenon. But I wouldn’t call that “intimacy”. If anything, a person is “intimate” with someone’s creations and not the person themself, which is more of a metaphor-- artistic creations not being sentient and all (and if they were, then their consent would predicate intimacy). Similarly, people might feel close or connected to fictional characters. Again, that is not intimacy but perhaps a feeling of intimacy or a metaphorical intimacy describing the relationship with a (non-sentient) concept.

One distinction between a feeling of intimacy (which might be one-way or reciprocal) and intimacy is consent-- does it involve the other party in a consensual way?

More prosaically, maybe someone is in a position to witness someone else’s vulnerability-- perhaps a moment of crisis or injury-- and therefore “feels closer” to that person. Does intimacy really exist if that other person feels exposed but not close? I think it’s less about how someone feels per se and more about whether they are agreeing to it or had alternatives. There might be some (temporary) intimacy if the person agrees to have someone help them (even if the situation leaves few alternatives). Or there might not be any temporary intimacy if the person refuses help and is ignored, or begrudgingly accepts because they see no alternative-- it might be (situationally) coerced agreement (i.e., acquiescence) to invasive closeness.

For example, if paramedics respond to an emergency call to help someone with a serious injury, the physical proximity won’t be “intimacy” because there aren’t really any alternatives. But if people open up emotionally during the process (which is unlikely because it’s “unprofessional”), then that might create some (limited, and temporary) intimacy. Whereas, people helping each other in networks of mutual aid might be more likely to establish some temporary (or less temporary) intimacy.

Having said that, I think that intimacy (not necessarily physical) can come out of situations of forced (typically physical) proximity (e.g., people stuck together in a broken elevator-- which people typically choose to enter of their own volition even if they were not intending to be continuing to share the space for an extended period of time.) But the intimacy isn’t the forced continued proximity per se. It is the shared choice to develop or maintain the closeness when there are options. (e.g., people opening up emotionally in conversation because of their forced continued physical proximity-- creating an intimacy that might last only during the elevator or beyond if people choose to maintain their closeness). On the other hand if people are trapped in an elevator and one person starts narrating their life story or asking invasive questions, unsolicited, without participation from others, that wouldn’t be intimacy.

Also, I think things can get murky-- situational coercion can be a matter of degree, just like social coercion can be a matter of degree, so consent can also be a matter of degree. In coercive situations, the issue at hand might be less about whether there was consent, but how much-- how much consent was possible? And that means the the closeness might be “sort of” intimacy-- the question being less about whether there was intimacy but to what degree it was.

The other distinction between a feeling of intimacy and intimacy proper is ontological. Even if it’s an issue of intimacy and the feelings people have about that intimacy, one describes the relational proximity or connection, and the other describes how someone feels about. However, when talking about forms of intimacy where the “closeness” or “proximity” or “connection” is more abstract-- metaphorical or conceptual-- feelings can play a significant role in the closeness per se. Part of the connection or intimacy might be a level of empathy and understanding, which cannot proceed or exist without feelings. Moreover, it is presumably often the feelings of closeness that encourage people to develop or maintain their closeness, to continue getting closer or staying close.

At the same time, there can be kinds of intimacy (like with the roommate towel example) where the might be consensual closeness in the sense of people being present for personal (otherwise normally private) aspects of their lives without having any particular feelings about it beyond being okay with it being a thing (or not).

Subjective experiences of closeness vs. “flavours” of intimacy

At the same time, the subjective experience between the two people might be very different, regardless of how consensual their closeness is or was. One person might feel much closer to the other while the other does not, or both might have similar feelings. Feelings about closeness are not necessarily commutative in that sense. 

I think there’s a useful distinction to be made between intimacy and how people feel about that intimacy-- which theoretically means that people can “feel close to someone” without being close in any way or while only being non-consensually close, but they can also be consensually close in particular ways without necessarily “feeling “close” (whatever that means to them). And I think part of the confusion generally is that people use the word “intimacy” to refer to both the closeness and the feeling of being close without acknowledging this issue. While another part might be that “feeling close” isn’t really ever defined, but means something quite different from the pragmatic meanings of “being close with someone in some way”.

For all the talk and theory out there about relationships, people don't really talk about what being “close with someone” (or “feeling close”) means to them. People just generally don't talk about what it means for them to be close to each other or to get close, not necessarily even when they’re trying to navigate relationship contexts that are in the process of building this closeness. I don't think people have the language or the social space to articulate those things, and that's unfortunate because intimacy means a lot of different things to a lot of people, being close with someone means a lot of different things to different people.

I've had to think a lot about what being close with someone means to me-- what it looks like, what it feels like, how I want people involved in my life and how I want to be involved in other people’s lives, what I need in order to build or have that closeness (e.g., trust, among other things that I don’t want to get into here). But the main reason I’ve had to do that was because because I seem to connect with people differently than others do, differently than people are expected to-- so when I do connect with people, those connections seem to be different from what those other people expect, and it's mostly been up to me to do the sense-making. In my relationships, it’s mostly been up to me to make visible the assumptions people carry-- including my own. There’s a whole diverse mess of feelings out there between people and in relationships. We don’t all feel the same ways about “being close”. And we don’t all understand “being close” in the same ways. 

At the same time, relationships where people might feel very differently about their intimacy might be unstable-- for example, where one person has very positive feelings about the closeness and the other has more negative feelings (e.g., feeling crowded). This might lead people to decide they want to change the nature of the relationship-- put decide to stop doing the closeness (i.e., a discontinuation of consent, which should engender a change in the relationship). In practice, this might mean someone putting some distance between themselves and someone else (i.e., to become *less* close)-- perhaps severing the relationship (i.e., such as in a “break-up”) or simply its intensity/proximity or the nature of the closeness.

Alternatively, people could feel different ways about their closeness and be comfortable that-- for example, I’ve known people in partnerships where one’s feelings and love are romantic and the other’s feelings and love are not... and they both know this and are cool with it. But in those situations, they both feel comfortable with the level and manifestation of closeness between them-- even if they experience that closeness radically differently.

More generally, there are going to be a lot of different ways that people feel about consensual closeness. And when two people are close, they might not feel the same way about it. People can have different feelings about their intimacy. Moreover, there isn’t just one way to experience or feel the intimacy. And there are probably many ways to frame and express those experiences-- people won’t necessarily describe their feelings / experiences of intimacy in the same terms. For one person, the salient feature might be an emotional closeness from feeling genuinely understood, but for another, the salient feature might be an intellectual closeness from finally understanding aspects of someone else’s experience. 

That makes naming or describing the “type” or “flavour” of intimacy a little more complicated, and yet another reason to avoid labelling it at all. People can experience the same closeness differently from each other, and can even themselves have different types of (possibly even conflicting) feelings about a single experience! 

Moreover, consensual proximity doesn’t necessarily have a “flavour” per se, even if people’s experiences of it do. There won’t be anything in the closeness per se that defines it as one thing or another-- no necessary or sufficient criteria to make something “emotional intimacy” vs “intellectual” or a connection “romantic” vs “non-romantic” in nature. People may-- and often certainly do-- experience these flavours of connection, but the flavour at the level of subjectivity: there are not necessarily any measurable characteristics of the interaction or relationship context that neatly correspond to any particular flavour.

Footnotes:

[1] If there was any confusion about their couple status, the image title specifies that they are a “lesbian couple”. Also, since this is wikipedia, naturally the couple in question seem to be white-coded folks, which provokes the question about the racialisation of perceptions of intimacy.

[2] The choice of a lesbian couple for this image-- while I’m happy to see that it isn’t simply a man and woman-- invokes questions about stereotypes about lesbians. Is this picture chosen because two naked women-- a lesbian couple-- reading in bed display emotional and not physical intimacy? Is this a desexualisation of lesbians? I don’t think that reading naked in bed is a inherently sexual act, but the normative implication is that it might have followed some sexual contact. There are certainly other pictures that might have involved emotional intimacy without invoking past sexual contact, or without physical intimacy generally.

[3] I don’t really want to get into an ontological discussion about the whether perception is necessarily predicated on a real, external stimulus.  Perception is generally about sensory information and includes interpretation (e.g., source), but the origin of that sensory information is another story, and it can refer to the way people understand a situation (i.e., where the “sensory information” is more metaphorical). To be sure, people use the term in different ways in different contexts, and standard dictionaries even list multiple meanings (e.g., source). For example, someone can perceive a conflict where there isn’t one, and someone can fail to perceive a conflict when one exists.